#also she reminds me of the 'i look young but i am 100++ years old'
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you can't say you like power without actually embracing how gross she is
#that's her character my dude#she's not just the cute girl#she's the cute girl that is gross as hell#fujimoto is fucking around with expectations again with this one#she is your manic pixie dream girl but literally has all the things that made her.... weird#also she reminds me of the 'i look young but i am 100++ years old'#trope#that's why she didn't understand toilet and bath much lol#chainsaw man spoilers
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“I’ve spent all these years training for a duel with a corpse.”
[CW: discussion of death and loss]
One thing I really like about Azure Moon and Azure Gleam was the exploration of grief and how a single individual’s death can have rippling effects on a family unit. Felix and Rodrigue’s significantly different responses to the event alters the way that they interact with each other in the present. It casts a pall over all of their interactions; it has tainted their relationship.
Often, in times of hardship, family disagreements can spiral out of control, causing minor rifts to become major ones. As someone who has dealt with a lot of death in the family recently, I have seen this time and time again. Especially as a young person, platitudes about the death of a loved one can feel hollow and ring as insincere and hurtful even if the deliverer was trying to say something that would help in the moment. The tragedy of the Rodrigue/Felix interaction is that both of them are grieving and could use each other’s company and love in hard times, and yet their fundamentally incompatible ways of grieving make it impossible for Felix to reconcile with Rodrigue.
I looked at the coin that my aunt handed me, with a cross on the front and back. “Everything happens for a reason, dear. The Lord was just callin’ your brother home. Let this coin remind you of him.” She gave me a pat on the back, an affectionate gesture. I admit, I had trouble comprehending what ‘Lord’ would see it fit to take my brother from this Earth at his young age.
After my own brother passed away, I found myself understanding much more vividly why Felix was so upset and so ready to bury himself in his sword training rather than interacting with the people around him, who seemed to be grieving in this way that he found unconscionable. He felt that they were trying to try to justify Glenn’s death using the norms of their culture, which was to say “He died like a true knight.” or “He was the very picture of a perfect knight–noble and virtuous. In the end, he laid down his life–the ultimate sacrifice. I feel proud of him in ways that words can't quantify.”
Much like in the example I gave above, an event that happened at my brother’s funeral in 2021, there are cultural explanations for death that can seem comforting to those who ‘buy’ it. Most of us can accept that our older loved ones will sooner or later die, and then when we become old we will die as well. But when it happens to people who are young and have a life ahead of them, the religion/pseudo-religious in the case of Faerghus justifications become more incomprehensible. And make you angry.
Rodrigue and Ingrid, in these instances, are simply trying to square how such a horrible event could have occurred. They aren’t trying to be hurtful or mean spirited, but they are a product of their cultural upbringing. I think trying to ascribe one side as being 100% wrong or 100% right misses the point; all of them are struggling with the same grief, but are finding different ways to cope with it.
And Felix is struggling to understand the way other people are grieving. He’s young and has trouble putting himself in other people’s shoes. He’s also 17 at the start of the game and trying to cope with the senselessness of his brother’s death. As he talks about in the Seteth support, he doesn’t want to be around people who remind him of the thing he hates, the thing his brother died for, the thing that his father uses to justify said death.
Felix: My brother was doing his job. My father is the real problem. When my brother's armor was brought back to the castle, do you know what he said? "He died like a true knight." Chivalry begets the worship and glorification of death. Am I alone in finding that grotesque?
Ironically, the Dimitri/Ingrid support chain sheds light on the fact that Dimitri himself is not fully on board with Ingrid and Rodrigue’s logic, and because of his mental illness he is also struggling to cope with this event. Felix and Dimitri would be natural allies in grieving, except that Dimitri is turning into the boar, which also triggers Felix!
So Felix is left to stew in his own thoughts. Left to build a wall around himself to protect from the hurt that his friends and father have inflicted upon him with their careless words. And yet, he does try to mend fences with them, in his own way.
Ingrid: Why are you taking over my cleaning responsibilities?
Felix: You're wounded, and you're going too slowly. I couldn't stand to watch.
He wants to rebuild the relationships!!! He just finds it difficult because he’s so angry!!
In Hopes, we get a support between Felix and Rodrigue where those differences are splayed for all to see. While I’m not a big fan of Azure Gleam, I like how there are two possibilities:
The path of reconciliation
or
Words that go unspoken because of death
It really fits in with the themes of grief and loss; sometimes you are angry with your loved ones and when they pass from this Earth, there is no turning back the clock. I was angry with my brother when he died; he was a Trump-loving anti-vaxxer who fell into the maw of the cult. I was frustrated and sad at what he had become. Stopped contacting him much at all. And in the blink of an eye, he was gone.
One of the really important things about the whole situation, at least to me, is that no one in this situation is ‘wrong’ to grief in the way they do. It’s not as if Rodrigue’s coping mechanism – which is a logical one, given the culture he is part of – is horrible, it’s just the coping mechanism that Felix did not need. And Felix pushing his family and friends away is not good for his mental health or long term grieving, but it’s the thing he felt like he needed to do given the way he cannot cope with the way other people have processed this event that he finds so triggering.
And if Rodrigue ends up dying, it makes the whole situation even more tragic.
[reposted to add some stuff]
#felix hugo fraldarius#rodrigue achille fraldarius#ingrid brandl galatea#azure moon#azure gleam#fe3h#fire emblem three hopes
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Dear friends!
Today is a very important date for me. On this day, three years ago, I drew Jacob's first design, published it in Amino (his very first debut), and also with him I had the idea of AU, which you now know as Master Jacob AU.
That's right, it's been a long time since I created his first design and which subsequently changed into what we have now.
By the way, I have something to remind you of.
Score Creeper's old design:
The idea to make him so that he was cursed and he was a ghost came to me suddenly and also on the same day as the creation of Jacob, so I think that these two events are connected. Previously, I had not really steamed over the Creeper's design, but I realized more and more how much his mind had previously departed from both reality and cartoon logic, as if he had remained a ghost by his behavior, but he was cooking potions without reason. And yes, the idea with the potion that gave him and his ex-husband two children was also created in one day (YOU CAN'T IMAGINE HOW MANY EVENTS I CAME UP WITH THAT DAY, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH!). So, on the contrary, I am proud that I have taken up the development of Creeper again and redesigned him.
Unikitty and Puppycorn's design:
In theory, this design of Unikitty was supposed to be a prerequisite for her mother, Princess Unica, in addition, Feebee wore the same beautiful outfit a long time ago (don't ask why, it's in the past now!), but by the time I decided to redesign Unikitty, the redesign itself also touched (in addition, the last outfit looked like very frankly something), so she's wearing this now. For Puppycorn's outfit, I was inspired by the Evil Morty in the costume of the mayor of the Citadel from Rick and Morty (I even drew a glass of cognac or call it what you want), but his design came out somehow simple and boring, to put it mildly, so I redesigned it and gave both him and his sister, "paired medals" (their Uncle Dunklecorn also has them)
Eaglecreeper fankids' old design:
Score Creeper and his ex-husband have children, but I only showed them in a deleted post, so I remind you that their names are Gwen and Leroy, and they used to have a different design.
The design for Gwen was invented much earlier than Leroy's, but I later realized for myself that their designs seemed to be the opposite of their real ages, so I needed to change them URGENTLY!
Well, in general, I told you about the redesigns, now I'll show you the cards on some things:
The old MJ AU's plot:
Initially, after Master Doom's death, Master Malice gave her communication, because of which she subsequently began to share her soul (which remembered nothing) with Jacob when he was born, and this had to be done in order for her to start spreading chaos again in Jacob's body (but for this Jacob had to hate himself and bring himself).
But it was all SUCH AN OLD VERSION IN THE PLOT THAT I DECIDED TO REMOVE IT COMPLETELY LATER (only what is needed and does not bother is left unchanged), because I do not want to turn my baby into a second Nikki from Mama Brock AU (I am neutral about AU itself, since I'm laughing now from reading the main one fanfic, and I'll continue reading the sequel later).
HOWEVER (!) this doesn't mean that Jacob "won't be a lord". Or rather, he will not be a Doom Lord himself or some other bad guy 100%, but he will own magic and wear a cool outfit in the Lord's style! Expect disclosure!
Princess Unica, the Unigang (Uniteam) 0.5(?) and the birth of unicorns:
I've been wanting to show my old version of Princess Unica (Unikitty and Puppycorn's mom) here for a long time, but I think I'll show them to you here now:
However, I had to change a lot of things, add more depth to her and her twin brother's past, and also remove Bleu Cat and Puppybum (there will be other characters instead). In this way I created Unigang 0.5:
Now in the company of these unitwins 0.5 there is a young Richard and a certain Dr. RED, who will be known as the founder and first president of the Future Town Project, however, the President, having previously been an agent of the Doom Lords, prevented Dr. Red and at the moment no one knows what is wrong with him, but we may find out in the future. And also you will soon learn about Uni and Pup's dad.
As for the birth of unicorns, in my AU they are not born as people and are not created by storks. They are created by positive emotions and the laws of nature (similar to how fairies are born in the Disney's Fairies franchise), however, each new unicorn is born once every few years, but they can live longer.
To be continued...
#unikitty#unikitty au#master jacob au#happy 3rd anniversary#unikitty oc#unikitty au concepts#frock fanchild#frock fankid#unikitty and puppycorn's mom#unikitty richard#score creeper unikitty#score creeper#unikitty score creeper#master jacob
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Once more I need to be a massive school for good and evil movie hater. I feel like no one has acknowledged how tedros entire character has been wiped away and now he's just male in way of lesbian love intrest AND I HATE THAT.
Really stupid nitpick but wasn't this the medieval times why are they in victorian era clothing? I need to personally beat the wardrobe director with a pipe.
Also can people please like keep in mind that they are 13
Their decision making and the way they treat eachother lies heavily in that please ignore the movie where they look more like random college students.
What was the point in saying the whole you can't interact with eachother while they eat in the same dinning room 💀
Everytime I am reminded of this movie I begin to get the largest case of hateritis ever
Oh my god Tedros was so bland in the movie I literally forgot he was in it
They robbed my boy of every personality trait, every character flaw, his bullheadedness, him kicking beatrix’s bunny because she named it Teddy, his good test from Dovey that was drenched in red ink, his hatred and confusion over Agatha because she doesn’t fit within his narrow worldview
All of this was thrown aside in favour of making him this mind numbing my boring character. The average love interest in a ya novel no one will remember. The exchange of enemies to lovers for snarky sarcastic frenemies to lovers is infuriating to me.
I feel like with the wardrobe (and the set and the casting and the script and almost everything else) they went for aesthetics and luxury over actual consistency with the books. The time period is never explicitly mentioned in the books as far as I can remember but they literally had the Ever Never Handbook which had fully illustrated coloured images of the uniforms and the castles to go off of so there was no excuse for the poor costuming.
In terms of age the characters seem to be between 13 and 15. Though their exact age is never confirmed, they have to be below the maximum age of 16 as they would have been there for the reaping four years ago and, given how pure their souls are, they 100% would have been chosen. I prefer to think of them as like 14-15 because Tedros is described as having abs I think so he has to be at least around 15 and it would be weird if he liked a 13 year old. Also cuz of the description of Sophie having ‘long creamy legs’ feels weird if she’s too young. But you are correct: they have to be young- having adults play the characters makes their actions appear irrational instead of pretty normal given their ages. No one under the age of 18 acts rationally or maturely.
I will never not be a hater for this car crash of a movie
#Anon thanks for giving me an opportunity to chat shit about this movie#we can be haters together#sophie sge#sfgae#sge#agatha sge#agatha of woods beyond#tedros of camelot#Tedros sge#the school for good and evil movie#the school for good and evil#the school for good and evil books
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Some people think Will and El were born with their powers, some think they acquired them. What do you think?
I think everyone who has powers were born with them. I'm too lazy to go back into my archives, but I'll try to be brief (I know it's gonna be long anyway)
A lot of Stranger Things is based on the real government conspiracy The Montauk Project. I tried to read some of it myself but it's pretty insane with some questionable things in there so I'll skip over the greater details and get to the point.
The people in charge of the Montauk Project supposedly targeted children (especially boys) who got their requirements. It is thought that you just have the proper genetics AND you need a trigger. Those triggers included drugs and/or trauma. Also, genetics alone doesn't guarantee you will have powers, it's just a possibility. A flip of a coin. The conspiracy mentions a dude (who has powers) with two sons, the older one didn't get powers but the younger one did.
So let's look at the characters with confirmed powers so far:
Terry - Has a "crazy aunt Shirley" who may also be sensitive. Joined MKUltra and was given various drugs. Confirmed has some weak form of telekinesis and telepathy.
Kali - Was kidnapped when she was 5 years old, like many of the lab children, was physically and mentally tortured in the lab. We don't know anything about her parents. Has illusion and telepathy
Henry - was outcasted and emotionally stunted from a young age, apparently has a memory from his past that activated his powers. Suspiciously, his mother and father could sense something was wrong, his mom actually sensed it was him. Has a long list of abilities
El - her mother has abilities and was being experimented on while pregnant. Has been very tortured physically and mentally in and out of the lab. Has a longgg lost of abilities.
We could go over most of the lab kids, but it'd just be repeatative. They, in my opinion, we're all born with it. They have all suffered great trauma or have been drugged repeatedly over and extended amount of time.
So let's look at the two characters I think may have powers. Joyce and Will.
Yes, I think Joyce has powers. I think she has a supernaturally correct and specific intuition. Every season, without fail, she has been right. And not like Nancy right, like "Yes these lights are definitely Will talking to me without a doubt. Yes, I am 100% sure my son's vision are real and not in his head. Yes, I'm 100% sure these magnets are because the government is doing experiments. Yes, I am 100% sure Hopper is alive even though everyone else got vaporized.
Like "crazy aunt Shirley" El's aunt mentioned, Joyce seems to have the same situation in her own family. Lonnie brings up Joyce's aunt Darlene or something like that, seemingly impling that she's "crazy".
That said, I don't think has has as much trauma as the lab kids, nor did she go under intense bouts of drugs like Terry. I don't think anything more can come from Joyce except her intuition. It reminds me a lot of Henry's aprents sensing something was wrong and Henry's mom figuring out the cause was Henry himself.
"Yes the reason why I'm having these nightmares and seeing horrible visions is because my son has super powers. That makes sense."
And now we're onto the second candidate, Will himself. Like the lab kids, he fits both criteria. If Joyce and Joyce's aunt Darlene are sensitive folk, then he is too.
Then we have the trauma and drugs. I'm not sure about the drugs (they were injecting him with something at the lab in S2E1, before the sedatives. The framing of the shot is identical to the shots in season 4 when they are injecting El with something before she enters NINA)
Will ha plenty of trauma and painful memories before and after the lab. He lives in an unstable household whole Lonnie was present and then was abandoned by him. Not to mention being bullied and at home for his presumed sexuality (which he later realized is true). And from November 6th 1983 onward, his life has been on a downward spiral of pain physically and mentally.
In my opinion, Will fits all the criteria to awaken any latent abilities he may have.
Prior to season 4, I thought the lab was integral in making El and Kali as powerful as they were, but after meeting Henry I'm second guessing that assumption.
I don't think the lab does shit for those kids. I mean, I guess it pushes them to their limits, ultimately making them more powerful, but that's about it?
So my assumption that Will couldn't possibly be as powerful as El or Kali may be wrong too. Still don't think he's gonna be whipping helicopters out of the air, but there are other measures for how powerful one can be.
So yeah. That's my opinion.
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Personally agelessness made sense. The “Aes Sedai face” looks like no specific age in particular. With the longer lifespan I never thought Siuan would look that much older. She’s in her mid to late forties, with the slowing I would expect her to look maybe half that with channelers living hundreds of years. The entire relationship with that aspect included wasn’t handled well. A visual reminder of your wife outliving you, while looking young enough to be your child should’ve been a bigger issue.
true, i always forget siuan and moiraine are only 40ish and not wise 100 year olds hahaha although now that i'm thinking about it, when one of the kinswomen says she's almost 400 the aes sedai with elayne faints and elayne explains that aes sedai in the current era don't live nearly so long, i believe she says they don't live to even half that these days (but don't quote me on that, i don't have the book in front of me and am just going off memory). so i kinda feel like *aes sedai* might not live ALL that far past 100 nowadays, in which case you'd think they wouldn't age all that much slower than normal. but i do wonder why this seems to be specific to aes sedai and why channelers who aren't aes sedai seem to live much longer, and also why it's only aes sedai who have the agelessness and not other types of channelers. maybe this will be explained later in the series, or maybe it already has and i forgot/didn't pay attention jkfgjh that's probably the main reason why aes sedai agelessness doesn't make sense to me, if it happened to everyone who used the one power, fine, but it's weird that it's specific to aes sedai.
you are so right that the slower aging of one partner should've been treated as an angsty thing about a relationship, not a "nice, my gf is the same age as me but looks 20!" lmao i haven't even thought about this aspect before but there IS so much angst potential in channeler/non-channeler relationships! a romance where one partner is immortal (or just very long-lived in this case) and the other isn't is a classic trope that i eat up! and to my memory it has never yet been addressed in wot! tho granted with the apocalypse around the corner it's hard for any character to think any further into the future than a couple years
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It's now some time ago, since I posted here. I mean, nobody seems to read my stuff anyways, so it seems to don't matter 😅
Anyway I want to give a update on myself and things around me.
My weight loss journey continued. Meanwhile I lost over 55 kilos since last year and even build muscle. I even developed a slight hint of abs 😂
I cut my beard completely down to a goatee. I felt, that I was hiding behind the full beard. You know, it became kinda a mask for me. A shield to hide behind. Now I lowered at least that shield and discovered, that a young and kinda handsome face was hiding behind it.
And I start to let my hair grow out on the sides too. My goal is a haircut like Health Ledger, Brandon Lee or Ville Valo had. It definitely will look great on me.
Unfortunately my face and new body wasn't helping to find a new partner. That is the most frustrating part, you know? Most other gays are just looking for fun, a non-monogamous relationship and such. Especially that guys in my near. Plus mostly guys over 50 try to hit me up, while I just look for guys between 21 and 35 and have that written in my profile also.
To be honest: Being alone makes me kinda sad and feeling like I don't deserve to be happy.
It's a "problem" that I am not into bears and older guys. But bears always remind me of my dad and I don't feel attracted to my dad romantically or worse 😅 And similar with older dudes, especially since I don't feel like my age.
Honestly: I feel like in my mid 20th, especially since I wasted my 20th on my ex wife. I just NOW have my glow up and try to put my life together. At the same time, it feels like time is running out to find a partner. You know, I do not want to become that old guy creeping up to younger folks like these guys who write to me now.
To be honest: At the end, I kinda gave up already. If every Jack has his Jill, then I am Zachary 😂
Besides of that: I quit my therapy. Not because I think I am above that and don't need it. No no, I definitely need therapy. I quit it, because my therapist was an arsehole. She not wanted to help me getting along with my trauma. Instead, she wanted to help the insurance company saving money on me. I tried to tell her about shit that destroyed me, her reaction was "But that shouldn't stop you to go to work. How many job applications did you wrote? Where did you applied to?" and such. Totally ignoring stuff which is bothering me and acting like she isn't my therapist but a worker from the job department of government. That really made me feel like "Ok, if even my therapist don't care about me, why should anyone else?". The final moment, which made me quit was, when I told her about my strong fear looking at the political situation in Germany, with growing percentage of Nazis and shit. I told her I fear more violence and such. Her reaction "No, Nazis won't harm any queer people. It's only the foreigners who harm queer folks, I read a statistics about it.". Like ... WHAT?! I have friends who got attacked by Nazis, pride events received hate and you only have to look online to see the hate from the Nazis towards the queer community. Idk where she read the statistics, maybe on the AfD homepage. Or she is one of them too, Idk.
So all in all it wasn't a help at all and only fed my trust issues even further. Now I can't even trust therapists, which makes it kinda impossible for me to seek help.
But something positive: I quit drinking about a year ago. Not 100%. But it's now only one bottle of beer in a few weeks, which is really nothing. And my January was, in fact, completely alcohol free. That stuff helps me to get my body in a better shape and will help my mental health too.
And I kinda "rediscovered" some music. I listen again a lot to HIM and VV (Ville Valo). I was a giant fan in the 1990th/2000th and kinda stopped following a few years ago. Even though I had a hughe crush on Ville and still have. He is the only older guy I would like to be with 😅 But it isn't just about him (pun not intended 😂), it's the whole music and lyrics. Love can hurt, but at the same time, it can be something absolutely beautiful too. And at all: Self growth is important.
So ... what else? Idk 😅 I try to be somehow positive, find a job again and to make my own luck.
By the way: In the pics you see how I look now 😂
#gaypride#gaymen#gayhot#gaygoth#gothgay#gothic#goth aesthetic#gaysingle#gay single#queer#queer community#homosexuell#pride#lgbtqia
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Paws to Remember (Magical Cats) by Sofie Kelly #Review @BerkleyPub
Paws to Remember (Magical Cats)
Cozy Mystery
15th in Series
Setting - Minnesota
Berkley (October 17, 2023)
Hardcover : 304 pages
ISBN-10 : 0593548701
ISBN-13 : 978-0593548707
Kindle ASIN : B0BSKH7N7Z
Librarian Kathleen Paulson and her enchanted felines get involved in a cold case that is putting people in very hot water in the newest installment of this New York Times bestselling series.
When a water leak repair results in a body being found behind the walls of the store run by the artists’ co-op that Kathleen's friend, Maggie, is part of, everyone is completely mystified as to whose body it is and who hid it there. But as the dust settles, her boyfriend, Detective Marcus Gordon, begins to suspect the body could belong to a young woman who disappeared more than thirty years ago.
When a friend with a connection to the young woman asks Kathleen to look into the circumstances around the disappearance, she and her cats—who have special feline talent for catching felons—find themselves digging up secrets that at least one person in Mayville Heights would much prefer stay buried.
Dollycas's Thoughts
Kathleen and her frisky felines are back and wrapped up in a cold case brought back into focus when a water leak repair exposes a gruesome find at the artists' co-op. Kathleen's boyfriend, Detective Marcus Gordon, is investigating, but a friend has asked Kathleen for help too. So she, along with Owen and Hercules and their special talents, start digging through clues and uncovering secrets. Secrets that could solve a 30-year-old case, but could also put Kathleen in grave danger.
The characters in this series are some of my favorites. The humans, the felines, and a canine too. Each has their own unique traits and personalities. Kathleen is so genuine and caring. She jumps in to help wherever she can which is why she was right there when this body was found. Her relationship with Marcus has grown so much and they are so comfortable together. Owen, Hercules, and Micah steal my heart every time. Fifi, the next-door neighbor's German shepherd, has wiggled his way in there too. All of Ms. Kelly's characters continue to evolve and feel fresh even after 15 books in this series. She introduces relevant new characters that have depth in each story too.
The cold case mystery was complex and Kathleen was very careful with the questions she asked. Observations and research on the computer with feline assistance helped bring everything together but Kathleen still wasn't 100% sure if she was right. I wanted to jump into the book to stop Kathleen when she wanted to get the final answers she thought she needed. But she went there, and what a showdown and rescue followed. Some of it was pretty freaky.
There was one situation where I had to suspend reality a bit. There should have been aftermath or evidence of an event that happened 30 years ago that wasn't mentioned, but that may just be me being too picky. It didn't detract from enjoyment but I did make note of it while reading.
I do enjoy visiting Mayville Heights. A great midwest town filled with wonderful people. It reminds me of the way my small town was growing up.
There was a subplot of Marcus and Kathleen's plans to go to Boston to spend the holidays with her family that wove through the book. There were outside elements that kept popping up to try to ruin their plans but I have to say I loved the heartwarming conclusion. It gave me some great holiday feels.
Paws to Remember is a solid addition to this series. Engaging characters, a compelling mystery, set in a charming small town. I am looking forward to my next visit.
Your Escape Into A Good Book Travel Agent
About Sofie Kelly
Sofie Kelly writes the New York Times bestselling Magical Cats mysteries that feature librarian Kathleen Paulson and her two very special cats, Owen and Hercules, who have a magical knack for solving crime. As Sofie Ryan, she is the author of the New York Times bestselling Second Chance Cat Mystery Series. She lives on the east coast with her husband and daughter.
Website: www.sofiekelly.com
Written as Sofie Ryan
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Letters to the girls #01
A/N: So I realised that now I'm "old" in Tumblr years and there's this whole new generation of teenagers here, some without Mums or females they can trust and talk about girls stuff, and so I thought I'd start a series of "Letters to the girls" talking about female things, particularly in adolescence and young adulthood, to have a space for feminine conversations, where you girls (and hey, why not boys? perhaps you've got questions too!) can ask ANYTHING. My messages are also open for you girls to tell me whatever you want to talk about, and I'll listen.
Today's topic is... MENSTRUATION AND THE FEMALE BODY PARTS!!! (you know where your clit is?)
I remember vividly when I first got my period. I must've been around twelve and I'm pretty sure I was the last one in my group of friends to get her period.
For some reason, I had no idea I was supposed to be expecting it. I suppose it could be your case, too? You study it in school. You know it happens. But somehow, you don't necessarily connect the dots and realise that yes, it's about to happen TO YOU. I got the scare of MY LIFE, let me tell you.
I remember going to the loo, as one does, and when I looked at the toiler paper, it was soaked in deep red blood. SOAKED. Now, of course, I laugh, but back then I freaked the hell out. I mean, imagine the fucking shock when you're just a kid and you just wanna pee and get on with your life and then you're fucking bleeding out. And I'm a hypochondriac, so you bet I only needed 5 seconds to think I was about to die. Right there sitting on the toilet. What a way to go!
I began shouting for my Mum in the worst panic of my life. I didn't even have time to think "hold on maybe we don't scare Mum". So of course she barged in, and I was borderline crying like "Mummy I'M BLEEDING! WHAT'S WRONG?!"
What makes me laugh harder now is remembering just how fucking chill and calm my mum was. She went from 100% panic to looking at me, the toilet paper soaked in blood in my hand, and then she was fully relaxed, probably thinking "fucking kid nearly killed me and is just her period". My poor mum.
That was the time that my mother, very patiently, explained to me that I had my period (which of course THEN began to make perfect sense, and I know you're probably thinking, how the fuck was this girl so oblivious? but remember this was before social media was a thing amongst teens, you guys feel adult much sooner now) and she proceeded to explain me about tampons and pads. About a decade later, the situation amusingly reverted and I sat with her explaining her how period cups are just INFINITELY better.
I then remember exiting the loo, once I was all ready, still probably looking white and mortified and feeling like my whole life was ruined, and my wonderful late father smiled this big ass smile at me and was like "you're a woman!" and gave me a super hug. Now, this might seem weird to you, but my father was chronically ill, so he was probably just happy he'd lived to see that moment.
Here's the thing about girls. I can't speak for boys, I'm not a boy. But us girls, we have frighteningly fantastic adaptation skills. So you get your period and at first I thought yeah, this sucks and life is horrible, and how am I ever going to get the hang of this? And then you just... do. Somehow life goes on and you adapt and it becomes one more boring part of your life, a monthly reminder that yes you're still not pregnant and your uterus is a little disappointed in you.
And here's a thing I only learned in my late teens. Each period is unique. Just like breasts are unique, nipples, vaginas... In my teens, I had a phase where I began to obsess about whether my period was normal, because for years it didn't hurt at all, whether other girls also got little blood clots, whether my vaginal lips were too big, my pubis too hairy, my breasts too small... All these things. When you're a teen, you just keep comparing and wondering, and many of my friends would talk about their bodies and all in school, but I'd always feel too self-conscious to join in. So now I can tell you that relax, however your body looks, it is normal. So long as your gyn doesn't say otherwise, you're fine.
Nipples come in different colours and sizes, aureolas are not always of a different colour than your skin, and can be browner, pinkier, even whiter, and yes, it's fine to have some hairs there. It's also fine to have little hairs around your chest and belly, we all, I promise you, have them. It's got to do with genetics, production of hormones, and race. Some girls might tell you "ew, I have no hair in my torso!" LIE. It's just that for many girls, those hairs are like the hairs many girls have in their cheeks or jawlines, very fine, very small, hard to see blonde hairs, like the fine hair that covers babies. And for others, like me, we might have them darker. I can tell you that I for one have some darker, perfectly visible hairs in my breasts and belly, hairs that I might pluck or ignore depending on my general feelings in the moment, and others that are so fine, I only notice they're there if the sun glows on them.
And breasts are all so different. It's also perfectly normal for your breasts to not be identical left and right, for one to be bigger or rounder or saggier, and nipples might be super tiny or round and bigger. And belly? it's fine to have a belly. If your belly is bigger than your chest, that's fine! give your body time to change. Oh, and when your trousers begin to feel tight, relax, you're not fat! It's just that in your teens, your hips begin to really develop. Mine widened a lot, so even though I've always been very thin, suddenly I was in like, two sizes more of trousers just because of it, and it's normal. Also your teens are a big time for hormonal readjustments, so don't panic if your weight is shifting a lot or out of control... Just make sure to do exercise and eat healthy, and you've got this.
And your pubis? Girl, everything that's down there is unique to YOU. Some girls have lots of hair, like, absolute bushes, the envy of lions, others don't. And it might be black, brown, blonde, sandy, gingery, curly, silky, rougher... Some girls like to trim it, some girls like to "keep it neat and tidy", some girls plait it (and I'm not fucking kidding you), some girls fully shave it. And yes, your skin will always look a little pale underneath. Your clitoris is that thing at the top of the lips that feels sorta like a hard yet soft ball of skin and cartilage, it might be bigger or smaller, pinkier or darker, and is covered by a hood of skin. And when you feel horny, the clit will get hard and come out a bit, like a tiny erection, and depending on how big yours is, you might notice it more or less, but all sizes are normal.
Also, that's just the outer part of your clit. It then goes inside, and forms like a "c", which is one of the reasons why sex done right will be pleasurable even without touching from outside. Then there's your lips. In biology, they call them labia majora and minora, and it comes from Latin, basically meaning major lips or minor lips. The major lips are in the outside sides of the minor lips, and the minor lips part revealing the most intimate area of your body, that'll always be wet (because female bodies create different amounts and types of fluids, without you needing to be turned-on, just for your overall health) and that in the lower part, has the vaginal entrance.
But don't let the names of those lips deceive you: the major lips aren't always the bigger ones, and the minor lips aren't always tiny. Sometimes, it's the whole other way around. And labia minora can also be quite dark even if you're white and pale so if that happens, don't freak out!
Just, overall, don't freak out. Come and ask. Let's talk about you!
#Letters To The Girls#women#womanhood#girls#feminism#women's rights#lgb#menstruation#teenagers#adolescence#body#body image
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I posted 2,911 times in 2022
That's 2,911 more posts than 2021! 😳
10 posts created (0%)
2,901 posts reblogged (100%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@presleyonfilm
@star-shard
@karamelcoveredolicity
@troubleinapinksuit
I tagged 1,938 of my posts in 2022
Only 33% of my posts had no tags
#fave - 193 posts
#art - 85 posts
#laugh tag - 77 posts
#🌺 - 16 posts
#long ref - 15 posts
#🔒 - 14 posts
#mine - 10 posts
#👉👉 - 9 posts
#🦇 - 7 posts
#things to never lose - 7 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#right on the heels of a very beautiful reminder that even deeply flawed personas deserve respect if not love given to telling their stories
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Lol I read your tags on the Las Vegas text post and I’m thinking no longer than half an hour realistically 😅 but I googled it and it would actually be longer for a 30+ man but for him being a sex symbol and horny af I’m thinking it could be even be 20 minutes 😂
BHAHAHAHHA GOOD im glad someone saw that 😅😅 cmon elvis the people need ANSWERS,, this is for SCIENCE
but yes exactly like i read the research ik what the most probable answer would be from a human bio standpoint but im afraid the typical male anatomy does not account for ep's specific brand of Massively Horny 😔
so good good im glad to hear you agree.! ideally i was thinking three over the course of maybe a couple hours so that seems reasonable💫 and also post-show which uhh. historically seems to have.. dare i say Increased his libido😳
of course if that had been too frequent it wouldn't have been a hassle to incorporate some edging instead oop
5 notes - Posted October 14, 2022
#4
for the first question of the elvis ask game bc i am incapable of Shutting Up;
"When and what was your first exposure to Elvis Presley?"
like literally i could Not in good conscience let this extend my original answer post ohhhh my god 😅😅 but also i quite like the story and want it recorded for selfish purposes so if you are for Some Reason interested...... here she is
my mom really loves elvis (some of you might know this already). she's from alabama, and growing up her dad (who died p young) really liked him (though my gramma still insists "he always did a little too much of that... jigglin' for my taste"). she remembers her father let her stay home from school on august 17th, 1977, because she was so distraught after hearing about elvis the afternoon before. that day after was a wednesday and she was 10 years old. she says it was practically a public day of mourning in the south.
on the other hand my mom is also deeply catholic and experienced a great moral terror surrounding media consumption upon having me, her oldest, bc she was afraid that if my first word had been "margaritaville" she would have had to answer to god for the depravation of my immortal soul :/ and no that's not a joke she literally thought that about jimmy buffet. so we didn't, uh. have music in my house as a kid. my mom had one (1) bruce springsteen cd i wasn't allowed to listen to, and my dad had one (1) johnny cash cassette that i WAS. other than that the only music we had around was the soundtracks in movies and a lot of gregorian chant. and the one copy of the high school musical deluxe edition soundtrack that i got for christmas in 2006 and my sister and i literally wore the ribbon out of bc we were so starved for Tunes dfghs so i actually. had no idea my mom liked elvis she never listened to his music around me or brought him up.
aaaand then in.. 2009 or 2010 (i had to look up the release date of justin bieber's baby to verify this Holy Shit), i went away to sleepaway camp for the first time. it was an art, science, and technology camp at my dad's alma mater (and eventually mine❤) in my parent's hometown, a couple hours away. i stayed with my dad's parents instead of on campus, but it was still A Big Deal growing-up-wise. and my mom sent me a care package while i was there, with a postcard to read for every day of the week i was gone.
they were all pictures of elvis and i had No Idea Why.
i thought maybe she was just being, like. fun and kitschy.?? idk i was a weird kid who had a weird mom, it was easy to rationalize. and she didn't address it at all until the third postcard, when she said she had thought about finding stationary i would like to write these on but instead she decided to give me something precious to her, these elvis postcards she'd had lying around since she was a girl. because of how, you know, she loved elvis so much.
WELL, NO. NO MOM, I DID NOT "KNOW."
up until this point the only defining knowledge i had of elvis could be summarized by the epic rap battle of history vs michael jackson, which contains such lyrical marvels as "here's a tip - don't swallow a bucket of drugs so you won't die on the toilet dropping hunks of burning love," and "well, i may have died on the shitter but i don't give a crap, you ain't got half the badass battle raps that i have." yes i Did type those out from memory. i'm sure i'd heard elvis' music before (i had seen lilo and stitch at least once, after all) but if you had asked me to name even one of his songs at that time i don't think i could've done it. i simply hadn't conceptualized him beyond the vague image of a white jumpsuit and the words "thank ya, thank ya very much." but my mother expressing ANY sort of interest in a celebrity or pop culture at large was Absolutely Shocking, and i was determined to take advantage of this moment by seeing what the hype was all about.
so i went downstairs to my grandparent's basement pc and typed "elvis" into the google search bar. that was it. just "elvis." not "elvis presley," not "elvis songs," not "who the hell was elvis and does an interest in him make my mother lame or cool?" just "elvis." :)
and then he opened his mouth and heaven started pouring out.
and the first video that came up was the rapid city unchained melody performance. i watched the video, and i almost immediately had this absolutely overwhelming outpouring of love for this man on the screen. he slurred out "unchained melody. from an album called unchained melody. makes a lot of sense. ok" and i remember thinking that that "ok" had sounded so SMALL. he sounded like a lost little boy. and then that maternal instinct immediately fled my 12-year-old body and i scoffed like a tweenybopping little bitch and thought from how tiny he sounded he couldn't possibly have had a voice worth listening to.
i had never heard the song before (though i was immediately struck by its.. well, melody). i didn't know he was struggling with a drug habit, and i didn't know it had been filmed shortly before his death and would eventually come to be seen as the crowning final jewel in the midst of years of muddy decline. all i knew was that this man looked like he should've been in a hospital instead of on a stage, pouring sweat, minutes away from toppling backwards off the piano bench, and despite all of that... he was making the most devastatingly beautiful music i had ever heard. his voice was so strong, so clear, and i was once again baffled that a voice like that could be coming out of his visibly ailing body. i thought about how beautiful it was that he was giving so much of himself to perform this song when he looked like he didn't even have it in him to make it another couple of days. and i thought he was the most beautiful man i had ever seen in my life for doing it. it was like i had the word "beautiful" running on loop in my head. the only thought i had was "beautiful, beautiful, beautiful," over and over again until the song finished.
i didn't even realize i was crying until my gramma (who was just about deaf and had been two floors above me and on the other side of the house) came down to check on me. i remember her coming to stand at the foot of the basement steps and looking at me really carefully, asking if i was ok. and i had never heard her sound worried before ever so i took my headphones off and opened my mouth to ask her what she meant, and i realized i couldn't talk because i was so violently sobbing. apparently i had been shaking, hugging myself, and rocking back and forth for the duration of the video and was so insularly focused on elvis i hadn't even known it. dramatic ass bitch
eventually i calmed down enough to tell my gramma i didn't know who elvis was but i was having a breakdown about him anyway, and it felt really weird because a man i wasn't even invested in had just changed my life maybe bc that's about how big what i was feeling was. she just said "ok. do you want to feel that more or less?" so she sat there with me and i watched the video three or four more times and thought he was just angelic. not in the cheesy "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" way but like there was literally something of the divine about him. and i sat there at the computer desk and cried myself out and eventually about forty minutes later said "ok now i would like to feel less" so she told me on the news that morning had been a performance by a boy about my age and did i know who justin bieber was. this was probably a leading question because it was statistically likely i was wearing a my world 2.0 t-shirt at this time, but it gave me an opportunity to show a 70-year-old the baby music video and also to explain what a youtuber was and my emotional range normalized again.
and then that depth of emotion was so uncomfortably strong and i was so unequipped to deal with it as a kid that i shoved it down and learned hound dog and blue suede shoes and can't help falling in love and then totally disavowed myself of Anything elvis for a decade. or at least that's what i thought i was doing but also i loved dion and the belmonts on one end of the relevant temporal spectrum and frankie valli and the four seasons on the other and my favorite movie was bye bye birdie (the 1995 tv one with jason alexander tho not the '63 version sorry ammo) and i spent a Lot of time reading about buddy holly's life story so uh. MAYHAPS I WAS ALWAYS PRIMED FOR THIS.
and then baz luhrmann bashed me on the head with a sledgehammer and it hit my reset button and now here i am✨
6 notes - Posted September 24, 2022
#3
If I had a nickel for every time they made a movie where the plot was "Elvis is in love with his brother's girlfriend, and eventually his brotherly love tops the homicidal sibling instinct but a lot of violence happens first, and also the brother is left traumatized because Elvis eats it at the end" .. I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice
9 notes - Posted September 6, 2022
#2
have just been informed by my grandma that my mom's bridal shower was elvis-themed.!
extremely bold of her to be engaged to another man yet publicly dedicate her party to known sex symbol elvis presley.. im incredibly into it honestly
something something baby seasons change😌
21 notes - Posted September 18, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
if you're looking to have a calm and emotionally stable day i have a very important tip for you - i recommend you do NOT listen to the wild in the country soundtrack and recontextualize it in your head.
do NOT listen to this song that's clearly meant to be about a breakup but imagine the lyrics as a love letter from elvis to his fans from beyond the grave DONT DO IT,
If I should go, forget me never
Please say that you'll remember me
I pray the dreams we share together
Will shine on in your memory
Each time a star falls out of heaven
It leaves the sky a deeper blue
So if we part, forget me never
And don't forget my love for you
And don't forget my love for you
⚠️ this has been a psa
50 notes - Posted October 12, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#mine#tumblr2022#year in review#hilarious given that ive only had this blog for. oh since aUGUST dfgh#so the spotify integration is Broken whoops#i dont post that often. but i AM glad to see my elvis refractory period ask made the cut 🤩 score#heres to another year of going crazy going stupid for the king w yall 💜💜 xoxo
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FIRST THOUGHT RE HEARING MISSILES STRIKING POLAND…..WAR
FIRST THOUGHT RE HEARING MISSILES STRIKING POLAND…..WAR - https://keywestlou.com/first-thought-re-hearing-missiles-striking-poland-war/It was instantaneous. The second I heard missiles had landed in Poland, my mind screamed WAR. Poland all over. It was German troops, tanks and planes that ignited World War II. NATO stood on the ready today in the event Russia went beyond Ukraine. Should it occur, Poland was where the experts thought it would happen. Cool heads prevailed. Investigation now suggests the cause was wayward Ukrainian defense missiles and not Russian missiles. It could have been otherwise. I hope it never will. Trump announced his candidacy for President again. Reminds me of Harold Stassen. I am old enough to recall Harold Stassen. Stassen was a young successful Republican politician. In his early years recognized as Presidential timber. Kept running however even beyond his Presidential timber years. He ran 9 times between 1944 and 1992. Never received the Republication nomination. Came close in his early runs, however. Stassen was a successful gubernatorial candidate. Four times Governor of Minnesota and two times Governor of Pennsylvania. This is only Trump's third try. Hope springs eternal, however. Especially with a pompous dreamer. All he has to do is live long enough. His speech was unimpressive. I watched most of it on CNN. FOX carried parts also. The other networks refused to cover the event. Two significant observations. He was consistent in lying. Never a speech without. Numerous wildly incorrect statements. Fact Checks killing him this morning. His appearance caused me concern. I may not agree with him. Does not mean I want to see him drop dead. He looked tired. Extremely so. Huge difference from last week prior to election day when he was full of pep and energy convinced of success. Not a wonder. Even Trump got the message. The Republican Party took the worse mid term beating ever. Within hours/days, Republican supporters were abandoning him. Even daughter Ivanka who said she would not be getting politically involved this time. How much can one human take? Investigations, lawsuits, political failures, etc. Trump has to be beat up physically and mentally. He looked like a candidate for a stroke or heart attack last night. The only other major die hard remaining is Arizona's Kari Lake. Will she go quietly into the night or stand and fight? Artemis I finally made it up, up and away! At 1:47 this morning on its fourth try. The trip to take it around the moon and back. Lord, why in my old age must I be made to suffer the pain of Syracuse defeats? At least let them win the games the team should. Basketball season is here. Early games against easy opponents. Last night, Colgate. Colgate won 80-68. Last year, the same. Colgate defeated Syracuse 100-85. You forget Lord that prior to last year, the last time Colgate beat Syracuse was 1902. What happened? Why have you abandoned Syracuse? A Christian school. Methodist. That should not make any difference however. Enjoy your day!
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I still love and believe in them wholeheartedly and am trying to remind myself they're young 20-odd years olds and they won't learn without making mistakes; I found myself because of them, got back writing because of them, made friends because of them and I'm going to keep it that way. I'll be sad if you go though, i always think of you whenever vic and ethan post!
i get that they're young, but they're not children. artists younger than them don't do this stuff. i've never heard a peep from like, olivia rodrigo's fans because she pulled something similar, and she's only 19 years old
you don't have to actually make some mistakes to know they're mistakes, and this was 100% avoidable (if the reason really is the VMAs)
i also made some progress in my real life because of them, to the point of me discussing it and the band in therapy. i'm not gonna get too much into it here, but i had a huge issue with how i presented myself, i felt like i had to fit into this box because of what i look like, i felt like i wasn't allowed to wear the things i wanted to wear or even discover what i wanted to wear in the first place. they changed that for me, that's why their fashion was so important to me. they also got me back into writing, even if i take a thousand years to finish anything. i hadn't done any writing since, like, 2014. they brought that back to me
i don't know if i've made friends (please no one take this personally, i'm just really bad at making and keeping friends, for real), but i have people in the fandom that i am extremely fond of; both people that i have and have not talked to. and honestly, i see that some of them are tired too
i still don't know if i'll be gone for good. a few days ago i was almost certain i would delete next month, but then someone went on a liking spree of some of the stuff i wrote and i got the feeling of wanting to be here back. right now everything is too raw and confusing, so i genuinely haven't got a clue about anything
btw, i do love that, my brand being bisexual and horny for vic & ethan jdjsksjssksks
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high by the beach [jonathan pine]
summary: Jonathan Pine x reader ; you are the oldest daughter of Richard Roper. needing an escape from reality, you sneak out to the beach for a quick joint. what you didn’t expect was for Jonathan Pine to catch you.
warnings: smoking weed, age gap (still over 18!) , underaged drinking/smoking, sexual tension
a/u: yes, this is 100% based off the song “high by the beach” by lana del rey :) enjoy!
*°:⋆ₓₒ ₓₒ⋆:°* *°:⋆ₓₒ ₓₒ⋆:°* *°:⋆ₓₒ ₓₒ⋆:°* *°:⋆ₓₒ ₓₒ⋆:°*
You didn’t belong there, to say the least. You sat alone at a small empty table at one of your father’s late night parties. His parties were always extravagant and flashy. It seemed as if he only threw the parties just to remind everyone how wealthy he is. These events always made your ears ring with annoyance. Summers always felt like this. Your mother would send you and your little brother Danny to visit, but it never seemed like Richard ever has any time for you and your brother.
After finishing yet another glass of champagne, you sighed and ran your fingers through your hair. You still had one year to go before you could legally drink alcohol, though Roper and all his excessive friends never seemed to care. Suddenly, ears perked up upon hearing your name being called.
“Sister! I’ve brought you some sweets!” your little brother Danny called, setting a napkin full of cookies down on the table. You smiled ruffled his brown messy hair.
“That was very kind of you, Danny, thank you.” you laughed, picking up one of the cookies. “Are you having fun?” you asked. His face lit up with excitement.
“Yes, loads!” he confessed. You were glad at least one of you were having fun. “I made a friend yesterday, too.” he said. You raised an eyebrow, trying to remember if you had seen any other children his age here.
“Oh really?” you asked, chewing a bite of cookie. “What’s their name?” Danny’s smile became wider.
“I’ll go fetch him, I want you to meet him!” he said quickly before running off. Before you could open your mouth to protest, he was already gone. You sighed deeply before picking up another cookie, hoping this new friend of Danny’s is an old enough child to understand boundaries and not talk for hours on end.
What you absolutely did not expect was for Danny’s new friend to be a full grown man. A handsome one at that. The man sauntered up to your table holding Danny’s hand, wearing a navy blue suit that hugged his body perfectly. He looked like the perfect gentleman.
“Hi there.” he spoke, voice smooth as silk. “Name’s Jonathan.” he put his hand out to shake yours. You looked up at him, trying to wear your friendliest smile. When you took his hand to shake it, you nearly melted. His grip was firm yet not too tight and you could swear there was electricity coming out of his fingers.
“Pleased to meet you.” you finally said after clearing your throat. “I’m Y/N.”
“Y/N.” he repeated, testing your name on his tongue. “The pleasure is all mine. Your brother is quite the company.” he chucked, smiling down at Danny. The younger boy beamed proudly, looking back up at you.
“I wanna go look for dad, Y/N.” the young boy said.
“That’s fine.” you said with a nod, leaning back in your chair trying to remain calm. You could still practically feel Jonathan’s eyes roaming all over you.
“Come on, Jonathan!” Danny exclaimed, grabbing the man’s hand again. “Once I’m done we can go play!” this made Jonathan chuckle.
“Why don’t you go on without me for a little, Danny.” he said gently pulling away from your brother’s hand. The boy complied and began to walk after flashing you and Jonathan a smile. You took a deep breath after Danny traveled off while Jonathan pulled a chair up.
“So how is the all famous Y/N Roper doing this fine evening?” Jonathan teased with a chuckle. His words made you blush easily.
“She’s doing just fine.” you said in the best flirtatious tone you could muster. “But she would probably be much better with a refill.” she spoke scooting her empty glass towards Jonathan. He cocked his head at you slightly before standing to his feet, a bit more hesitant than usual.
“Well of course, I am a gentleman.” he joked before grabbing your glass. “So what can I get for you tonight, darling? Water? Punch?” he continued.
“Punch?” you asked nearly offended. “More champagne will do just fine, thank you.”
“Champagne? Danny says you’re only twenty.”
“So?” you ask. “My father doesn’t care if I drink at this age. I also don’t think he’d be very pleased you’re making me wait for a drink.” you said almost in a whisper, the previous alcohol in your system making you confident. You knew your father probably wouldn’t care if Jonathan retrieved a drink for you or not, you only wished to appear authoritative for the upper hand on the man.
“Well, my deepest apologies, Miss Roper.” Jonathan said playfully before shooting you a wink. “One glass of champagne coming right up.”
You giggled as you watched Jonathan walk off to fill your glass. The way he strutted away while his height allowed him to tower over the crowd gave you intense butterflies. You really couldn’t believe you were spending the night flirting with an older gentleman, as proper and handsome as they come. It excited you to no end.
When Jonathan returned back to your table he arrived holding two champagne glasses, one for you and one for him. The two of you continued to talk to allow yourselves to get to know each other. He told you stories of serving in the military and you told him stories of previous summers spent here with Danny. You and Jonathan were quite an attractive pair to be seen and when it ended up catching Frisky’s attention, things took a turn.
Frisky was a smart man. He never failed in intimidating anybody. That’s why Richard Roper put him in charge of keeping an eye on you and Danny to prevent the two of you getting into any trouble. Knowing Jonathan’s flirty antics, Frisky deemed this a solid opportunity to step in.
You caught a quick glimpse of Frisky hastily making his way to your table. You gave a sarcastic deep sigh at him, knowing exactly why he was so worked up. Once the bulky man stopped at your table he crossed his arms and lifted his chin towards Jonathan.
“And what do you think you’re doing, Pine?” he said in a serious tone. Jonathan didn’t seem too phased by him.
“Well, I’m just having a drink here with Miss Y/N.” he replied almost bored.
“Yes, Miss Y/N Roper. I know what you’re up to.” Frisky snapped.
“Frisky, please!” you interrupted. “I’m a grown woman, if you should be babysitting any of my father’s family it should be Danny.” you argued with him. Though Frisky was stubborn.
“I don’t want to hear it, Y/N. Pine, get up.” he waved his hands at Jonathan. “Go find Danny and put him to bed, it’s late.” he demanded. Jonathan didn’t put up any further struggle. He calmly rose from his chair and took one last sip of his champagne. He then gave you a gentle smile and bowed his head.
“It was a pleasure meeting you, Y/N.” he said sweetly.
“Thank you, Jonathan.” you nodded. As he walked away with Frisky you sank in your chair slightly before sighing. ‘Well there goes that excitement.’ you thought. You were growing quite tired of your father and his men treating you like a mere child when you’re an adult. Standing front your seat, you finish off your glass before storming off to your room. At this point, the party just felt like an inconvenience.
᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃
Your eyes felt heavy with sleep by the time you were sure everyone had gone to bed. Though you were in dire need of rest, you couldn’t seem to relax. It was 1 a.m. and you decided to settle your nerves with a late night walk. The punishments for being caught were severe but you were confident in yourself to know you wouldn’t be caught.
You quickly packed a small bag for your walk, including a jacket along with your stash of three joint of weed and a lighter. You always enjoyed a quick light up when you felt a bit tense. You tip toed silently down the stairs and out the back doors. From the pool’s patio, you had a beautiful view of the ocean. You decided to walk down to take your quick walk in the beach.
After successfully sneaking through the large property you finally found a spot to relax on the vast beach. There was a full moon illuminating the night sky, allowing you good skylight in the darkness. You sat down upon the sand close to the shore and opened up your bag. You wrapped your jacket around you to act as a blanket in the wind. Then you lastly picked a slim joint out of your bag along with a small yellow lighter. You clicked the lighter and put the flame towards the end your joint to burn the end. Afterwards you put the joint between your lips and took a deep drag. Inhaling the smoke, you closed your eyes and felt the wind blow against your skin. You began to relish in the light headed feeling as your body began to relax. After an exhale, you began to take another puff.
“Excuse me?”
You jumped upon hearing a voice next to you. You looked up at the figure above you, only to find the one and only Jonathan Pine standing talk above you. You quickly exhaled the smoke and attempted to hide the joint.
“What are you doing at this hour?” Jonathan asked you in a slightly hushed tone.
“I could ask you the same.” you stated sitting up straighter.
“Couldn’t sleep. Just wanted to get some fresh air.” he calmly explained. He was wearing a fitted t-shirt and grey sweatpants with his blonde curls a bit of a mess. It was definitely quite the outfit change from the party but he still managed to be probably the most attractive man you’ve seen.
He looked out to the waves for a second before bringing his gaze back to you. He gave you a shy smile before speaking again.
“May I join you?” he asked politely. You were relieved when you realized he wasn’t going to snitch to your father about sneaking out or drag you to his room. So you moved your backpack and pat on the sand beside you.
“Of course.” you replied. He sank down to the ground and got comfortable in his spot. There was a bit of silence with nothing but the sound of waves crashing in the night. After a couple seconds you placed your lit joint back between your lips to take a puff. Jonathan watched with a smile.
“Weed?” he asked with curiosity. He wore a smile that told you you didn’t have to hide it from him.
“Yeah.” you admitted. “It helps me relax.” you said turning to look at him. He chuckled a little while shaking his head.
“My my, little Miss Roper. First we drink champagne at the party underaged and now you’re smoking marijuana?” he mocked a tsk and winked. “You’re a very naughty girl, Y/N.” he said darkly.
You giggled and blushed profusely at his comment and you could feel your heart begin to race.
“I’d love to.” he said before taking the items from your fingers. “Would you help me, darling?” he asked handing you the lighter. You accepted with a playful smirk. Once he placed the joint between his lips you raised the flame to meet it’s end. He inhaled deep, expertly intaking the smoke. He held his breath before blowing out the smoke into the wind. He chuckled lightly before taking the joint from his mouth.
“Do you want to join me? I have an extra.” you offered with a smile. Jonathan smiled at you, watching as you pulled out a second joint and your lighter. He hesitated to answer at first, making you think he would decline. You were pleasantly surprised with his answer.
“Good?” you asked with a smile.
“Very.” he laughed, his head falling back slightly.
You both continued to laugh, the two of you already buzzed. Jonathan took another drag of his joint before clearing his throat.
“We should do this more often.” he joked, leaning into you slightly. You laughed and took another hit.
“What? Sneak out and get high?” you asked. Jonathan scoffed while tapping some ash off his joint.
“Technically, you’re the one sneaking out. I’m allowed to be out here, I’m an adult.” he teased. You rolled your eyes.
“I’m an adult too, I don’t care what you think.” you sassed back. Jonathan raised an eyebrow at you.
“You know what I really think?” he asked, his voice deepening. You shivered at his tone, looking up to meet his bright blue eyes, finding his face much closer to yours.
“What?” you asked.
“I think you’re beautiful.” he whispered in your ear before looking down for your reaction. You could feel your face heating up from his comment. Jonathan’s cologne overtook your senses as you leaned in closer to him.
“I think you’re high.” you replied, breaking into laughter. Jonathan chuckled before raising his head.
“Yes, but you are too.” he said. You opened your mouth to speak but before you could protest Jonathan’s lips crashed against yours. You melted into him, deepening the kiss. Jonathan pulled away before looking into your slightly red eyes.
“Jonathan Pine, you are exquisite” you sighed, before bringing your lips back to his. The kiss was more passionate this time, the both of you relishing in the taste of each other and the euphoria of your high. Everything felt so perfect. Jonathan laced his fingers into your hair, making you whimper. You broke the kiss with the older man, allowing both you and him to breath. Jonathan lifted your chin with a finger, raking his blue eyes all over you.
“And you, Y/N Roper, are perfection itself.”
#aesthetic#tom hiddleston#thomas william hiddleston#tom hiddleston fanfiction#fanfiction#the night manager#jonathan pine#jonathan pine fanfiction#jonathan pine x reader#tom hiddleston x reader#fanfic
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A hardcore Sansa/Tyrion writer and shipper’s review of Cyrano. AKA Foxy goes to the movies.
Needless to say their will be spoilers. Although let’s get real people, this play is over a 100 years old and despite the change in the lead character’s appearance and the transformation into a musical it’s not that great of a deviation. Although I will say I am a *cough* a bit older than the average tumblr user so I have very fond memories of Steve Martin’s Roxanne which was how I initially knew the play. (Streaming on Hulu. I recommend for those who haven’t seen. It’s a delight with a HEA.)
I have been anxious to see this movie since I heard it coming out because I am dying to see Peter Dinklage in a romantic roll. He is so so talented and I really want to see more representation of different body types and abilities as romantic leads. I read a lot of newer chic lit type romance and while I’ve noticed an uptick (at least in the books I read) of the lead women of different ages/races/sizes and abilities somehow the men are always stereotypical super hot male model types. Like I don’t get at all. (Please if you know of something where the male lead does not look like a super hero recommend below. I beg of you.)
That being said, I totally think Peter Dinklage is hot. But let’s get to the movie.
Things I liked about the movie:
*It is absolutely stunning. The cinematography is beautiful. The backdrops, the costumes are ethereal and other worldly.
*The songs are lovely without overpowering the movie.
*This man!
Kelvin Harrison Jr as Christian. I hope to see and hear more of his beautiful voice in the future. I also adored this character far more than I thought considering my wanting to ship Roxanne/Cyrano as I will never get my Sansa/Tyrion. He deserved better.
*Peter Dinklage of course was a treasure to see again. You don’t see him at first for his first scene in the movie, only hear his voice and gods I’ve forgotten what it does to me. (I may have put this in my Sanrion stories lol). The last scene in the movie had a lot of close ups of his face with all the facial mannerisms I came to associate with his portrayal of Tyrion which transported me a bit out of his Cyrano character. But I will take the blame on that as it means I’ve stared longingly at Tyrion a bit too much.
Things I wasn’t so crazy about:
*I really didn’t care for the character of Roxanne. The actress (Haley Bennett) was fantastic but I at least could never figure out *why* both men fell in love with her. Nothing was said or shown of her character beyond her physical beauty and that she and Cyrano were childhood friends. This was a major problem for me. Not sure how one point of a love triangle can have a MacGuffinesk feeling but that’s all she came off to me. (And putting my Sanrion shipper hat on, she reminded me at least in the beginning far too much of young Sansa ie unrealistically romantic and superficial. It put a bad taste in my mouth especially since she was an adult and not a teenager.)
*Christian really deserved better. He turned out to be my favorite in the love triangle. In the end he was no more than an unwitting pawn between Cyrano and Roxanne and deserved to have someone love him just as he was. Much like Cyrano deserved to be loved just as he was (Hmmmmm, writing this I realized the layers here. Interesting.)
*The ending well...I’m not sure what to say. I’m a sucker for a HEA which is not this play.
All in all I enjoyed this movie. I did cry during the scene/song where all the soldiers send their last words in letters to their love ones. I was HOPING for a cathartic release of all my Sansa/Tyrion shipping tears but it was not to be.
I will rely on all my fellow Sanrion fanfic writers for that. I adore you all.
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Everyone in the Krew is Problematic
I was inspired to go on this rant by someone who recently brought up a question in a server I’m in, asking why so many people in the fandom seem to hate Mako and Makorra and why. This wouldn’t be the first time I defend Mako and it most likely won’t be the last, but it might be the first time I tear him and everyone else in the Krew down in the process, only to bring them back up. Hear me out though.
I think I’ve totally accepted that a lot of people in this fandom will always hate Mako and that I will have to perpetually defend him, I understand that this is the relationship I’ve chosen with this world. But what I still will never understand are the reasons why people hate/dislike him because compared to how much they love other characters in the Krew who honestly aren’t that much better than him (in some cases, even worse!), it doesn’t make any sense.
Let me also preface this by saying, I love these characters with all my heart and soul, probably more than I should love fictional characters, but this is the life I live and with that being said, I am going to tear them apart just to prove a point. Okay, here we go.
MAKO
Most of his detractors list the usual criticisms, which are valid when isolated. He cheated on Asami, he lied to Korra, he was a terrible boyfriend and essentially he treated the women he claimed to love or care about horribly. Gee, it’s almost like the man was a teenager with no experience in having long-lasting, healthy relationships and was raised in the streets by gangmembers while doing anything to survive and provide for his younger sibling after seeing his parents killed right in front of him and suddenly being orphaned…
I think Mako has been torn down enough, so I won’t get too deep into the tearing down part for him. It really does baffle me how someone can claim to be woke and not comprehend how someone coming from poverty could possibly be a product of their environment. Like, does everyone think that poor people automatically have hearts of gold and turn out like Little Orphan Annie? Why are people surprised that when someone has a shitty life, they might do shitty things?
Also, sooo many people love Zuko, who actively tried to cause harm to Aang, Katara and Sokka numerous times, and sympathize with his troubled past. But like, sure Zuko had an abusive father and his mother peaced out of his life for whatever reasons but at least he had his uncle. Mako had his parents for maybe 8 years before they were murdered in front of him and then had...no one for the next 10 years? Except for Bolin, sure, but no other parental figure in his life. Dude literally had to become him and his brother’s own parent and joined a gang to survive, and after all that, the worst he does is acts as a bad boyfriend toward Korra and Asami and he is instantly thrown to the wolves. Something doesn’t add up. It’s just...I don’t get it.
Yes, the way he treated people was bad, but people can grow? That’s a thing humans can do. And he was a teenager, my god. No, we cannot allow our past to be an excuse for how we treat others, but we have to be aware that there is a growth process to being human. And being human in and of itself, isn’t pretty. You think Mako is problematic? Don’t get me started on your fave.
KORRA
Ok, I love this woman to death but she is ridiculously problematic. She pursued someone in a relationship and essentially forced Mako to cheat on Asami by kissing him against his will, that’s already pretty awful and shows a lack of empathy on her part, also kissing people without their consent is no bueno. But also I just have to say it for the people who might not know this. One of the fundamental reasons why Makorra didn’t work was because KORRA WAS ABUSIVE. Okay? It wasn’t just that Mako was inadequate at relationships and didn’t know how to people, it wasn’t that she was secretly confused and wanting Asami the entire time (biphobia at it’s best) one of the main problems in the pairing was that Korra was crazy abusive towards Mako. Seriously, why don’t I see this more often in those discussions??
If we need examples, I have dozens. Honestly, it’s really easy to see how terrible Korra was to Mako, I’d actually argue that she treated him worse than he treated her. I mean, they were both terrible to one another, but in Korra’s case she went through the motions of being completely infatuated with your first teenage crush, getting with said crush, then crashing and burning once you realize that you have no idea how to treat a romantic partner so after the butterflies wear off you subject them to all the wonderful aspects of your anger issues. Not only did she scream at Mako during every argument they had, she also threatened him with bodily harm if she got really angry. Remember how their relationship crashed and burned in Book 2? Here are the things that Korra did during that time. Let me reiterate, this was not okay.
Mako is visibly shaken by this!
This woman burst into her boyfriend’s place of work and violently kicked his desk out from in front of him with all his coworkers present. That is not normal behavior. That is a red flag. And after she came back, had amnesia or whatever and forgot they broke up after that scene, let’s not forget that Mako was legitimately Afraid to break up with her again. Korra made her partner frightened that they might suffer bodily harm if they upset her. Again, and I can’t stress this enough, this is not okay!
The little scene in Book 3 when Korra is lifting Mako like 100 feet off the ground with airbending while he’s screaming in fear just to make Asami laugh is cute, right? I’ll admit, I loved that little moment too, it’s one of the only instances of Korrasami development that we got, but also, there were sooo many things wrong with that scene lol. Not only does Korra terrify Mako for literally no reason, it’s also sort of just her continuing to exercise some degree of power over him for her own amusement. Almost like a subtle reminder to him saying, “I am stronger than you in every way and I can break your femur like a twig if I wanted to… but I won’t, so look how much fun we’re having!”
Now of course, there are reasons why Korra acts like this. She was isolated for almost her entire life and never learned how to treat people and be around people. The Avatar is human because they must live amongst the people they protect and that helps them develop empathy and cherish life. The White Lotus deprived her of that fundamental aspect of her duty as the Avatar and it showed throughout the beginning of the series. Clearly, she was young, didn’t see how her actions could negatively affect others and hurt the feelings of not just her partner but also friends and family (she was really awful towards a lot of people in her life!). But as the series went on, we see her having less outbursts and learning to control her temper more.
One can only assume that she does not have the same behavior with Asami because for one, I don’t think Asami would play that shit, she seems like she would electrocute a bitch in a heartbeat and not hesitate if needed, but also Korra is not the same shitty partner she used to be as a teenager. Again, kids do stupid things. Adults do stupid things. And we learn and we grow. Korra will probably make some more mistakes in her relationship with Asami. I don't think anyone can have one bad relationship and suddenly learn all the lessons they can from it and have a perfect one the next go around. I can totally picture Korra losing her temper and raising her voice at Asami if she gets frustrated and forgets who she’s dealing with. Managing anger issues is hard, I know this from experience, and it doesn’t magically get easier. Of course, if Korra does pop off, Asami would definitely put her in her place because she’s a bad bitch who doesn’t take anyone’s shit, next character.
ASAMI
You know her, you love her, you fantasize about her and you probably have her on your list of fictional characters you would totally bang if you had the chance (I know I do), yes, even your best girl is problematic. It’s interesting to me that a lot of people sympathize with Asami and very few openly criticize her (so few that I’ve never seen anyone say a bad thing about her). What’s there to criticize though? The poor girl was cheated on by Mako, had her feelings disregarded by Korra, who claimed to be her friend but pursued her then-boyfriend behind her back and then made up for it by simping for her for the rest of her life? Also her mom was murdered when she was just 6 years old, her father threatened to kill her once and physically abused her, then died right after they started repairing their relationship, essentially making her an orphan at the ripe age of 22. Suffice it to say, Asami has been through it.
So, how could she be problematic, you ask? Why, of course, through the classic Bryke technique of romance progression in storylines called Kissing People Without Their Consent
To be honest, I did gloss over this with Korra, simply because there were sooo many other issues with that woman and I just couldn’t go through every single one in as much detail but that doesn’t negate how serious this whole sneak attack kissing thing is. Sure, Asami is very emotional and lonely and sort of desperate too, (it's a little sad, really) but Mako is clearly uncomfortable and completely caught off guard by the kiss. This is also the second time this happens to him in the series! There are a couple factors that might contribute to why Asami does this and acts this way, maybe Korra’s general awfulness rubbed off on her (don’t make a dirty joke) but this is still wrong.
AND that’s...pretty much it. Kissing people without their permission is a big no no, though. Not wanting to gloss over that, but Asami really is a good person who just did a not-so-great thing. Getting burned by Mako twice probably made her a little less inclined to be as forward with anyone though, and it looks like she now takes her time and is patient in her relationship with Korra. It even seems like Asami is the only person Korra is afraid to upset, as Korra does seem more gentle and calm when around her. And who knows? Maybe Asami living a life where a majority of the time she got whatever she wanted when she wanted it might have also influenced her to be more assertive or even imposing within her relationships.
If anything, those three fools getting into relationships with each other just showed how not ready they were to be in relationships in the first place and also how not okay they were.
BOLIN
Originally I titled this as “Everyone in the Krew is problematic (except Bolin)” but then I remembered that Bolin totally kissed a woman without her consent so I deleted the shit out of that!
This asshole looks genuinely pleased with himself after essentially assaulting Ginger. Not a good look.
Sure, Bolin is baby. He will always be baby to me. But that does not erase the fact that he also actively supported a fascist dictator. Not only was the kissing without consent thing bad, but there’s also that. No matter how many times people around him warned him about the fact that he was on the wrong side of things, that he was helping someone who was putting people into concentration camps...Bolin wanted to believe the best of Kuvira. He ignored obvious signs that the woman was a dictator committing human rights violations like crazy and you know, there’s gotta be a reason for that too.
Maybe Bolin wanted to feel like he was doing something good for once. When you think about it, with his role as the comic relief in the Krew, and sort of constantly being infantilized by his older brother, I wouldn’t be surprised if the man developed some insecurity in his ability to do anything good or useful for anyone without screwing it up in some way. In Kuvira’s army, it seemed like he was actually taken seriously, he felt like he was doing something that mattered. Korra had being the Avatar, Asami had her business and mindblowing philanthropy (honestly, her ability to be as charitable as she is profitable is insane) and Mako had his police work (ACAB, tho). Bolin had...the role of being a joke. A superficial actor. A former pro-bending meathead.
Bolin lived his entire life following after his brother that once they were adults and Mako finally decided to live his own life for once, it left Bolin completely lost. And lost young men are perfect recruits for fascists.
So, in conclusion, my whole reasoning behind destroying the integrity of my favorite characters is to prove a huge point. All of these characters are problematic. They have flaws, some bigger than others (looking at you, Korra. Just...wow), but ultimately, even if your fave is problematic... that’s okay. A lot of people, mostly younger people it seems, are really obsessed with being right about everything that they do and stan. And that’s a wonderful thing, so much change has come about by the younger generations calling out people who do fucked up shit, don’t want or try to improve, and get away with it. But it’s also caused a lot of people to be unforgiving and completely unwilling to acknowledge when people do improve and try to be better.
Personally, I love my problematic Krew because having issues that you’re constantly working on internally is human. It’s human to make mistakes, it’s human to grow from those mistakes. And it’s inspiring to me, who is wholly imperfect, to see myself reflected in fictional characters who aren’t perpetuating unrealistic ideals of human nature, characters who are messy, crazy and ultimately human.
As one of my favorite manga artists and queen of impeccable character creation Rumiko Takahashi once said:
“I think that perfect people are not very interesting.”
And I will always wholeheartedly agree.
#long post#rant#tlok#the legend of korra#korra#asami sato#mako#bolin#avatar: the legend of korra#back on my random bullshit i guess
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Joshua Jackson interview with "Mr Porter" (2021)
Minutes before Mr Joshua Jackson joins me in a booth for a Friday afternoon drink at a vibey hotel bar in Santa Monica, he’s confronted by his past. Or rather, a woman in her early twenties who is binge-watching Dawson’s Creek, the teen show about a close-knit group of high-school friends coming of age in a sleepy American town, which made Jackson incredibly famous between 1998 and 2003. The series, which also made household names of Ms Michelle Williams and Ms Katie Holmes, went off air 18 years ago, but is now streaming on Netflix, to the bemusement of Jackson, who played lovable rogue Pacey Witter. “This girl was like, ‘Are you...?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I am. He got old. I’m sorry to break it to you,’” he says, before ordering an iced tea and a charcuterie board to tide him over until dinner time. “It always surprises me when young people say they’ve just got into Dawson’s Creek. I’m like, ‘Is it a costume drama to you? Do you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary?’”
The idea of a Friends-style reunion episode or a Sex And The City revival feels equally far-fetched to Canadian-born Jackson, now 43 and wearing it well in a pale green linen shirt and tailored linen trousers by Oliver Spencer that complement his fading brown hair and Cali-tanned skin.
“I don’t know why you’d want to [bring it back],” he says. “Nobody needs to know what those characters are doing in middle age. We left them in a nice place. Nobody needs to see that Pacey’s back hurts. I don’t think we need that update.”
And Jackson doesn’t need Dawson’s Creek. From Mr JJ Abrams’ sci-fi series Fringe (2008-2013) to the Golden Globe award-winning The Affair (2014-2019), from Ms Ava DuVernay’s ground-breaking true-crime drama When They See Us (2019) to the recent Ms Reese Witherspoon and Ms Kerry Washington-produced Little Fires Everywhere (2020), he has commanded the small screen – with a collection of dynamic and diverse work – ever since.
His latest role as Mr Christopher Duntsch, the Texas surgeon convicted of gross malpractice when 33 of his patients were left seriously injured after he operated on them and two of them died, in chilling Peacock crime drama Dr Death, is only stepping his career up another gear.
“I’ve never played anyone irredeemable before,” says Jackson, who is joined in the eight-part series (based on the 2018 Wondery podcast of the same name) by Messrs Christian Slater and Alec Baldwin. “He is charming, gregarious and has a high-level intellect, but he’s also a misogynist, probably a sociopath, certainly a narcissist and a complete incompetent who is incapable of seeing himself.”
If Duntsch is terrifying, then Jackson’s portrayal is even more so. The artist formerly known as Pacey is virtually unrecognisable (thanks to prosthetics) in the opening scene, but the real challenge for Jackson was allowing himself to view someone who is so “spectacularly evil” as a human being in order to walk in his shoes. “It’s a more damning portrayal of the man to make him into a human being, rather than just make him the bad guy,” he says. “He really believes he’s the hero, he’s the genius and that he’s the victim, so once I got past my own judgment, all the other things fell into place.”
Jackson might have his pick of stellar roles – and challenges – now, but it has not happened by accident. Take it from someone who has been in the business since landing his first job aged 14 in Disney’s live-action movie series The Mighty Ducks, opposite Brat Pack alumnus Mr Emilio Estevez.
“You try to make it look like it happens accidentally,” he says, “but there is no way to do this and not be ambitious. I’d say I’m extremely ambitious because I’ve been doing this cutthroat job for nearly 30 years. I’m in the pay-off phase of my career now. One of the benefits of surviving for as long as I have is you get to learn from your own mistakes.”
Such as? “I wouldn’t say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,’ because it all becomes bricks in a path, but [after Dawson’s Creek] I was not choosy enough about the things I was doing. You get stuck. You start trying to perform the performance you think people are hoping to see you do. I was so used to working all the time that I just worked all the time. There was definitely a conscious moment in my mid-twenties when I realised I wasn’t really enjoying the work that I was doing. My manager at the time just said, ‘Take a breath. You’re burnt out.’”
The turning point came in 2005, when Jackson was offered a role in the two-hander Mr David Mamet play A Life In The Theatre, opposite Sir Patrick Stewart. “God bless him, Patrick could have made my life miserable because I had no idea what I was doing, ” he says. “I hadn’t been on stage since I was a kid and now I was in the West End in over my head. But it reminded me that I actually enjoyed being an actor, that it’s not about the red carpet or travelling around the world. What I really enjoy is working on good material with good people.”
It’s no surprise Jackson’s time on Dawson’s Creek led to a career crisis. From the ages of 19 to 24, he lived with his fellow cast mates in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming day in, day out, in an arrangement he likens to college. “You get to the end and they’re like, ‘Here’s your degree. Go live now. You’re an adult. Go out into the world,’” he says.
But most graduates don’t have to deal with global fame. “It’s transitory. You’re only ever cool for a moment and then you become much less cool. I was always pretty dubious about flatterers,” he says, recalling a time he was stung in London in the mid-2000s. “I went on a date in Hyde Park with a woman whose name I will not use – she was socialite-famous – and she was acting completely bizarre, looking over her shoulder the whole time. I came to find out that she had hired a photographer to follow us through the park and gave a whole story to the tabloids about how I was going to meet her family.”
It was his growing fortune, rather than fame, that caused Jackson the most anxiety. “Suddenly, at 19 years old, I was making more in a week than most of my friends’ parents would make in a year,” he says. “It was lovely to have the money, but it was that feeling of nobody is worth that kind of money. You feel like a fraud and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the thing that I was perceived as.”
Born in Vancouver, but raised in Topanga, California, until he was eight (before moving back to Vancouver following his parents’ divorce), Jackson bought his childhood home in 2001 and lives in it today with his wife, British Queen & Slim actor Ms Jodie Turner-Smith, and their 15-month-old daughter.
“My father unfortunately was not a good father or a husband and exited the scene, but that house in Topanga was where everything felt simple, so it was a very healing thing for me to do,” he says. Fast-forward to 2021 and his baby daughter now sleeps in her father’s childhood bedroom. “There was a mural of a dragon on the wall in that room that I couldn’t believe was still there, years later. The owner [who sold him the house] said, ‘I knew it meant a lot to somebody and that they were going to come back for it some day.’”
Becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic sounds stressful, but it afforded Jackson months at home with his wife and child that his normal work schedule wouldn’t have allowed.
“I now recognise how perverse the way that we have set up our society is,” he says. “There is not a father I know who works a regular job who didn’t go back to the office a week later. It’s robbing that man of the opportunity to bond with his child and spend time with his partner.”
Despite his obvious career ambitions, fatherhood has changed Jackson’s priorities in “every possible way”, he says. “It’s 100 per cent changed how I approach my work and my life. That has been made so clear to me in this past year. For me to feel good about what I’m doing day to day, my family has to be the central focus.
“There are plenty of things left for me to do, but now the thing that gets me excited is experiencing the world through my daughter’s eyes. I can’t wait to take her scuba diving. I can’t wait to take her skiing. I can’t wait to read a great book with her. I’m not worried at all she’ll be a wallflower. She’s been a character from the word go.”
Jackson met Turner-Smith, 34, two days after his 40th birthday. He had been single since his 10-year relationship with German actress Ms Diane Kruger ended in 2016. “I was not looking to fall in love again or meet the mother of my child, but life has other plans for you,” he says.
The couple met at a party. Turner-Smith was wearing the same The Future Is Female Ejaculation T-shirt Ms Tessa Thompson’s character, Detroit, wears in the 2018 film Sorry To Bother You. “That’s what I used to break the ice. I shouted, ‘Detroit!’ across the room. Not the smoothest thing I’ve ever done, but it worked. We were pretty much inseparable from the word go. It was a whirlwind romance and I can tell my daughter I literally saw her mother across a room and thought, ‘I have to be next to this woman.’”
A self-confessed “useless” shopper, Jackson gives his wife full credit for his current wardrobe. He is jewellery-free, apart from a wedding band and a gold signet “JJ” ring on his little finger (a present from his wife), and discovered tailored sweatsuits (by Stampd and Reigning Champ) in the pandemic.
“Jodie has influence in the way that a wonderful wife encourages you, through love, to dress well. She was like, ‘We’re going to throw away all the sweatpants from your past and I’m going to get you some that actually make you look like an adult male and you will still feel comfortable around the house,’ and I’m like, ‘What an amazing idea!’ Who knew you could get sweatsuits that actually look good on your body?”
Jackson’s style has evolved, he says, “from slovenly teen to it’s-nice-when-your-clothes-actually-fit-you”. The penny dropped after he auditioned for his former co-star Estevez, who was directing the 2006 Mr Robert Kennedy biopic Bobby. He said to me, ‘You only got this job because I know you. You came in here to play a very well-put together 1960s political operative and you’re wearing jeans and a hoodie.’
“I had to grow up a little bit. We are very much raised in Canada to never, ever show off, so it took me a while to recognise it’s OK to look good when you go out.”
Still, when you’ve grown up in front of the camera, “every pimple literally documented”, and lived (very successfully) to tell the tale, you can probably be forgiven for the odd fashion faux pas.
“I wore a silk Ascot to an event once in Paris and I still have nightmares about it,” he says. “I looked like Fred from Scooby Doo, but you live and learn.”
#joshua jackson#interviews#jodie turner smith#dawson's creek#dr death#fringe#emilio estevez#mr porter#patrick stewart#michelle williams#katie holmes
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