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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #261

“i hate you for every time you ever bled for me.”

If you have a job, how long is your shift? I'm unemployed. Do you ever wear your hair in a pony tail? It's too short for that. What language did you take up in high school? Latin for one semester, then I took four of German. Do you like sunflowers? It's illegal to live in the South and not lmao. Have you ever held hands with someone in a car? Yeah. Would you rather be called honey or baby? Hunny. What is your favorite card game? Even though I never learned it super well, I used to enjoy Magic: The Gathering and have actually been like dying to play it for months lmao. How many emails were you sent today? None. What was your favorite Christmas gift you got last year? Well I mostly got money life chose I didn't get to use, lol. I honestly don't really remember anything else prominently... sounds bad, but yeah, so is my memory lmao. What have you thought up yet for this year’s list? Well it's only April, but a treadmill or something like that is at the top right now. Do you have any embarrassing usernames? Ha ha, none that I still use. Do you have a backpack in a shape of an animal? No, but I almost got a meerkat one. But it was too small. :'( Have you ever waxed your legs? OW no. My hair is too long and thick. Have you ever taught a little kid to flick people off? lol wow no. Have you ever itched yourself until your skin was raw? I do that remarkably easy, especially on my legs. I literally have long scars from it. Do you always clear your history after using the computer? No. Have you ever had your food stolen by a bird? Ha ha nah. Are you responsible for stuffing someone's stocking? No. Do you make your own smoothies or juices? No. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? I absolutely hate raisins. What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? It greatly depends on a lot of things: the person's health, financial position, etc. Have you ever watched Bob's Burgers? A couple times. It was pretty funny if I remember correctly. Denim, leather or varsity jacket? UUUUGGGGGHHHHH leather. I've wanted one since middle school. ;_; Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No. I honestly didn't pass notes, but I find it mean as FUCK when teachers do this. Privacy is a goddamn thing that should be respected. I do not support passing notes in class, like you're there to learn, but having it shared in front of all your peers is not the fucking answer. I get heated about this shit. What's your favorite perfume that you own? I only own one that's called "Blush" from rue 21. It smells really nice, though. Do you clean things that are already clean when you're bored? No. I'd rather clean something that isn't already. Do you have an older brother? Yes. What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? Lol I'd probably say "mood," but it depends on our relationship of course. Like there're times to be humorous and light-hearted about it and other times when you don't make it about you. If they're clearly more sad and especially if I don't know them well, I'd say something like "I understand," because I can almost guarantee I do about this. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Have you ever been to jail? No, I'm a good noodle. :) Are your collarbones prominent? No. ;_; You can see them, yeah, but they're not like very obvious. It's one of my biggest motivators to lose weight though because I am dyinnnnggg for dermals there, but I think it would look weird without that contrast. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? When I was a kiddo. Ugly things. Do you own anything tribal print? No. Do you watch any beauty gurus on YouTube? I'm not even very interested in beauty, yet I love Jeffree Star??? Nikkie is cool too. I've found I watch more for personalities than content, in all genres of vids. Do you like Skittles? More like LOVE. Do you have a PillowPet? No. If you do, what kind of PillowPet do you have? N/A Do you have sleep paralysis? Thank the fuck to god no. That shit sounds absolutely terrifying. Is there anyone at home right now you wish wasn't? No. Do you like Placebo? Tbh I can't think of one song by them rn. I know I've heard them, Mom's even got a CD I'm sure I've tried out long ago when I got into her music, but obviously nothing stood out well enough, at least back then. Has anyone ever carried you to bed? As a kid, yeah, usually my dad. Could you happily date someone prettier than you? Yes???? Do you know anyone with cancer? Both my mom and grandmother right now. Are you easily offended? No. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? HI we've always been poor so no. Not just that, but they knew better than to spoil us. Have you ever tried to jump a fence? I have. Do you watch My Strange Addiction? No. How attracted are you to the last person that kissed you? A bit above moderately ig. Have you ever known a white supremacist? HUNNY I live in the South. In regards to who do you think "what if?" Jason as a fucking whole is my absolute "what if." Do you like the smell of a barbecue? Yes, even though I enjoy like almost no food at most of them. Doesn't stop it from smelling good. Has anyone ever called you apathetic or unemotional? I can't even imagine someone calling me that, no. I'm the polar opposite. How much money do you spend in a month on clothes or accessories? None in the average month. What was the last clothing item you wore that doesn't belong to you? A pair of Mom's pants. I didn't have any clean pairs. Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? No. Got no interest in sporting anything relating to a boring-ass, bigoted, racist state. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? WOW A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? Yeah, I do. I mean yeah, they're fake, but what horror movie isn't even though it claims it is, honestly. How do you like your oatmeal? Apples & cinnamon with a bit of sugar. Does it make you feel better when an ex starts dating someone unattractive? No. Appearance doesn't mean shit when it comes to what the heart wants. What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? In a sandwich w/ grape jam. Do you fall in infatuation easily? Infatuation, I'm not sure. Who has initiated most of your first kisses? Considering almost all previous relationships, usually me as they all knew I needed to go slow. I'd only do it if I was aware they'd wanted to kiss already, though. Do you like bows? Omg yes, cute shit. Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? Yes. Jason first went to college to be a chef. Are you more likely to show affection through your words or your actions? Probably words when you consider I'm slow with physically doing that, but I'm honestly really affectionate either way when I'm comfortable with you. Do you like Cheez-Its? VERY MUCH SO omg keep them away from me. Do you ever use coloring books? Not anymore. How do you feel about instrumental music? I have to be in the mood for it. Have you ever been on a trapeze? No. What's the coolest natural event you've ever witnessed? I still don't know to this day what it was, but I THINK it was a star exploding. Scared me, man. Seeing the big lunar eclipse last year was also wicked cool. Do you know how to use chopsticks? HA, I never could. Not with my tremors. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine's Day when it goes on sale? No, I don't need chocolate. Do you think bunnies are cute? I would fight God to give a lop-eared bunny one (1) pet. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I've had a friend get something published in a magazine before, and during one stay at the psych hospital, I met a published poet. His stuff was really good. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? Otw home from Illinois. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Yeah? I'd assume everyone would at least know one... If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? The thought "I'm bored" every five minutes. What's a song that makes you feel happy? "Jump" by Van Halen came to mind first. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube. Do you need money to be happy? To a degree, yes. Money can buy happiness - but again, to a degree. Saying it doesn't is bullshit. What's a good idea you've had recently? Probably just OC ideas, lmao. I've thought of some decently cool stuff recently. what is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Cinnamon rolls uggggghhhhhh How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? Two or three if I'm seriously hungry. If you could switch places with someone for a day, who would it be? Is "Mark's girlfriend" even remotely surprising lmao but no seriously she's an amazing and productive person like I WISH. What's the last song you listened to? "Roots" by In This Moment is on rn. Do you like the movie Zootopia? Ye! Do you ever go on Pinterest? Yeah. What's the last kind of chocolate you ate? A Reese's. Tell me a line from the song you're listening to: "I'm stronger than I ever knew - I'm strong because of you." Have you ever participated in a march/protest? No. Have you ever performed in front of a large audience? Yeah, for dance classes and school stuff. What did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Popcorn. I may have gotten sour gummies, too? Idr. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Do you listen to music every day? There are rare days where I don't. I'll be watching too many actual videos. Do you have a hard time making decisions? A STUPID hard time. I'm extremely dependent, including when faced with decisions. I second-guess myself with everything. Do you start the shower water before or after you get in? Before. How many times have you been to a museum? A good number of times. We live pretty close to an art + science one. Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? Most likely not. Would you rather be a Panda or Grizzly bear? A panda so it wouldn't be legal to shoot me lmao. Do the stairs in your house have carpet? We only have one floor. Can you do a twirl like a ballerina? Oh wow, no. Even when I was a dancer, I SUCKED at that. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Is your family dysfunctional? To a degree. How old were you the first time you travelled alone? 22? What's the longest hotel stay you've ever had? I don't know. Not long. We only ever really stayed at one when we had to go to Myrtle Beach for annual dance competitions, and those were only like, a weekend. What architectural style was your childhood home? Uhhh idk. Very normal. Tell me a bit about your last relationship. What was it like dating them? It was great, but also stressful because of distance. What's the largest animal you've seen in the wild? Maybe like a large buck or something. Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not that I'm aware of. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. What political issues are the most important to you personally? Gay rights and the pro-choice stance. Does your neighborhood have a community garden? I've never even heard of such a thing. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? Acting secretive or cryptic about who they are as a person. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? Visually that I've seen a good number of pictures of, Utah. Are there any obscure foods you've eaten that most people have never tried? I very much doubt that. What's the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I'm unsure. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? Yeah, I did one of those diet things before... but the name is evading me, even though it's super common. Nutrisystem, maybe? Do you have any pets? If so, how old are they? Venus is around five, and Roman is two. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? My psychiatrist and former therapist predict my discomfort around men, particularly when they're behind me, and extreme fear of rape is rooted in two kids from pre-k that used to chase, randomly hug the hell out of, and try to kiss me. I'd actually entirely forgotten about it until we really started to dig deep, so I guess it's a repressed memory. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? WOW no, son. What's your favorite DIY crafts youtube channel? I don't watch DIY stuff. What was your high school's mascot? Firebird. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Megan, Maria, Girt, and Dennis were The Crew. Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Aaron was my brief puppy-dog love, but Jason was my first real boyfriend. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom. If I slept on the top, but bottom is getting crushed lmao. As a little kid though when Nicole and I shared a room, I had to have the top bunk until I got a bit older. What insects are you afraid of? BEETLES, CICADAS, AND LARVA GET THE FUCK OUT. Honestly most insects scare me to a degree. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I think the aforementioned Aaron did in middle school at least once before we dated. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Swimming in the pool, if they had one. What's one way in which you're still a child? I'm dependent as shit on my mom. What's one way in which you're old? I now say "back in the day" sometimes lmfao. Do you feel old or young? Or do you feel both at different times? Both at different times. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? Only once at a certain age. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Just kinda swim around and think, or watch nature. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? I know I have, but they're evading me, gaaaah. What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? I only ever wear black. What’s your favourite brand of peanut butter? Uhhh never really paid much attention to brands. Do you put all your stuff for class in one binder or several? When I was in school, I had one binder with dividers, but I also had specific folders too. What’s your favourite Lunchables meal? The nachos. How many languages can you recite the alphabet in? Two. What’s your favourite flavour of sunflower seeds? I hate those. What’s your favourite flavor of muffin? Chocolate oof. Have you ever had carpal tunnel? I do. I haven't had problems in a couple months, though. Are you one of those people who is really smart but has no common sense? OW FUCK OFF. How old were you when you met your first love? I was just shy of 16. Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? We occasionally did as a kid, but they definitely don't have that where we live now. Has the last person you kissed met your family? She met my mom, dad, and younger sister. What was the last strong emotion you experienced? Who was responsible for it? Remorse. Myself. Have you ever had to cancel a bank account? Yes. Was the last conversation you had an argument? No. If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? I am not in the financial or mental position to get married right now. Where was the last place you got completely wasted? I've never been "wasted." If you could have anyone as your roommate, who would you choose? Sara. Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? Wow no. Well, MAYBE when I actually worked in stores and I was supposed to, but I don't remember doing that. Do you go for walks often? I never do because of having no area to (my house is along a dangerous curve), and I need to be very careful because of muscle atrophy in my legs. I need to have easy access to a place to sit and recover or else I get very close to collapsing. As mentioned, I desperately want a treadmill. Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? No, I'm 24 years old. My mom would never in her life do that at any age anyway. How strange do people say you are? Idk?? That's not something I really try to find out because my AvPD would possibly make me cry asldkfjwe. Have you opened food at a grocery store & ate it without or before paying? I would never do that without, but I have before in cases of being very dizzy and knowing I desperately needed food. How artistic are you? I think I'm pretty artistic, but more in concept than actuality... Like I have so so so SOOOOOO many ideas, particularly with drawing, I just don't. Do it. Can you legally drive? Not currently, because my permit has been expired since last year. Did anything dramatic go down yesterday? No. Do you find smoking unattractive? Very. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to be around your ex everyday? No, thankfully. Have you seen someone recently you used to talk to, but don’t anymore? No. Are you comfortable sharing drinks with your friends? No; I don't even share drinks with family. Honestly, have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? No, I hate that shit. When you were a kid did you ever look up “sex” in the dictionary? Actually no. I literally didn't learn anything about it 'til family life in the 5th grade. Is there anything written on the shirt you’re wearing right now? No. Are you shorter or taller than most of your friends? I'm a normal height, really. Honestly, do you double dip? If I'm sharing, no. All you have to do is break the chip. What was the last junk food you ate? I had a little bit of popcorn yesterday.

#survey #quiz #questions

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sandershospitalau · 5 years

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Help (Un)Wanted

(Warnings- Mentions of crime, Blackmail, Innuendos. Tell me if I missed any!)

Characters: Roman Prince, Virgil Lawson, Remus Prince, Dot Higgins, Nate Christopoulous

Read on AO3

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The first-floor doctor's lounge was often one of the busiest lounges in Sanders Hospital. There was always someone inside- brewing coffee, microwaving lunch, taking a nap on one of the beds stuffed against the wall- someone was doing something when you came in. Roman had tried to catch the room empty in the past, but he never succeeded. There was always someone in there, though the people in the room often made him laugh. He once caught Patton sleeping on one of the beds, half of his body dangling off the mattress. Another time he saw Remy grabbing a box of store-bought powdered donuts, which later appeared in his coffee shop. He wasn't sure if Remy was allowed in the lounges since he wasn't a doctor, but neither was Roman and he had used the lounge's resources many times before. That day, Roman thought he would finally find the room empty, but Virgil had beaten him inside.

The Head of Nursing sat at the off-white table in the center of the room. His dark purple scrubs dangled on his thin body like a mattress draped on a pole. He sat cross-legged on the chair, black Crocs cradling his fabric wrapped feet. Roman noticed he'd redyed his grape colored hair- the color had been faded for the past week. Virgil had his laptop on one side of the table and a worn notebook on the other. He scribbled something into his notebook as Roman closed the door. Virgil looked up, bangs reaching his eyes. He leaned over and pushed out a chair next to him.

"You're really getting into this nurse's rally idea, huh?" Roman chuckled, sliding into the chair.

"Did you get the go-ahead from Thomas?" Virgil asked, stuffing the pen he was using behind his ear.

"He's all for it," Roman chirped. "As long as we jump through the needed hoops to keep everyone safe, he's more than happy to let it go on." Virgil grinned and pulled his laptop closer. Roman couldn't help himself- the emo nurse's smiles were rare enough that when they emerged, they ignited Roman's heart. Smiles like those were part of the reason Roman loved his job.

"So you told me a bit about what this is supposed to be," Roman yawned, stretching his arms. "What's the full story here? Leave nothing out!"

"Do you watch the news?" Virgil asked as he typed something.

"A bit," Roman admitted. "I find it to be a bit too depressing most of the time."

"Yeah, well good thing you didn't watch it when this came onscreen," Virgil huffed. He turned his laptop screen around so Roman could see. It was pulled up to VIN3, the major news channel for Florida news. It was an article by VIN3's leading medical journalist- Terrence Williams. For a moment, Roman was a bit excited- whenever Sanders Hospital released press statements, Roman always preferred talking to Terrence- but his excitement dimmed when he saw the article's title.

'State government plans to cut funding for Florida nursing education.'

"Well that's no good," Roman muttered.

"No, duh, Princey," Virgil snapped. Roman rolled his eyes a bit at the nickname. "We already need more nurses, we don't need the government giving the ones we have a half-baked education. This hospital would collapse without nurses. They need just as good an education as the doctors do! Who do they think actually gives patients their medication? Who does most of the hands-on work? What genius came up with this idea?"

"I agree with you, no need to get your Crocs in a twist," Roman interrupted, holding out his hands to stop Virgil's ranting. "Also, Crocs? Really?"

"What?" Virgil grumbled. "They're comfy. My shoes don't matter, this is what matters. We need to get those moronic politicians to realize how stupid this is."

"That's where this rally comes in, right?" Roman asked. He reached for Virgil's notebook. Virgil slammed his hand down on the notebook. Roman pulled his hand back. "Woah, alright there, J.Delightful. Just wanted to see your ideas."

"Alright, just..." Virgil muttered. "Don't touch the notebook. So far I'm thinking we get as many nurses as possible to march on City Hall. Maybe get some speakers up there, chanting..."

"T-shirts!" Roman chirped. Virgil raised an eyebrow. "I'm serious! A good protest has t-shirts! We've got the funds. Oh, and a big banner we can carry at the front of the march. Do you have a march path planned?" Virgil typed something on his laptop and pulled up a map. A purple line snaked across Miami, starting in front of Sanders and ending at City Hall. "Hmm... Virgil, unless your plan is to lead our nurses through the heart of gang territory, I suggest going around this neighborhood." Roman circled a neighborhood on the map. Virgil sighed and pulled his purple line around the area Roman circled. "I'm a bit surprised Mr. Honorary Security Guard didn't know that."

"I'm from Atlanta, what do you want from me," Virgil huffed. "And how do you know-"

"Nate," Roman chuckled. "We have coffee every other Saturday." Virgil rolled his eyes, a tiny smile playing on his lips. "When you get to this street, you're only a couple of blocks away from St. Gemma's. If you want a good impact, you could make a stop there and pick up their nurses."

"I dunno," Virgil groaned, rubbing his neck. "St. Gemma's doesn't have a good track record with how they treat their nurses..."

"They can't stop people from joining the march if they want to," Roman huffed. "Oh! We could even schedule it around lunchtime so most of them don't have to leave during a shift!"

"So it's 'we' now, is it?" Virgil scoffed, glancing at Roman.

"Why of course!" Roman declared. "I'm just as upset by this news as you! The world needs good nurses!" Roman's phone buzzed in the pocket of his personalized red letter jacket (while it wasn't 'the proper attire of a communications director', Roman always wore it around the chilly hospital). Roman pulled out his phone. It was a text from Dot, the receptionist at the lobby desk.

DARLING DOT (sent 1:53 PM)

Hey there. I just sent a man up to your office. He said he wanted to speak to you about a job. I know, I know, basic hirings are a bit below your job description, but he had all the proper paperwork and was insistent upon talking to you. I paged your office, but you weren't in.

Roman sighed, frowning softly. He had more important things to do than doing the job of human services!

ME: (sent 1:54 PM)

It's alright. I'm not one to deny a fan. Thank you for telling me.

"It seems duty calls," Roman sighed, stuffing his phone back in his pocket. "Shoot Thomas an email when you can. I'm sure Patton can help you brainstorm in the meantime!"

"Have fun sucking up to the board," Virgil scoffed, shooting Roman a two-fingered salute. He pulled his laptop onto his lap and started working again. Roman stood, cracking his back, and jogged out of the lounge.

Now, he could have used the elevator like a normal person to get to his office. It was on the top floor, after all. What moron would use the stairs to get from the first floor to the top? Roman, apparently. While others used treadmills and rowing machines to get their daily workouts in, Roman used the jog from the lobby to Entertainment Row. His shiny shoes clopped up the stone staircase as Roman started his climb. He could already feel his face begin to flush by the second floor, blood pumping through his body, heart thudding in his ears. When he reached the fourth floor, a pair of kids with thick wool beanies stumbled out of the door and raced up the staircase alongside Roman. Roman held out his hand, and the kid in the lead gave him an enthusiastic high five. The two kids scurried ahead of him and disappeared into the fifth-floor doorway. Roman didn't question why two children were running around the hospital unsupervised as he jogged on. That was a Patton problem!

By the time he reached the top floor, he'd tied his letter jacket around his waist and could feel some sweat clinging to his forehead. He hoped he hadn't sweated through his white polo. That would be a horrible first impression! Entertainment Row was to the left of the stairwell. Roman could hear people playing something in the patient's lounge from the sounds of the cheering and gunshots. However, Roman turned right, padding down the halls of meeting rooms and offices. If you had told a young Roman he would have an office next to award-winning doctors, he would have laughed. But he traced the Braille on the nameplate for Thomas's office as he walked past, smiling. His office was right next door to the hospital president. He pushed open his door and stopped in the doorway.

His office was about half the size of Thomas's grand room, but it was enough room for Roman to settle in and call the space his own. He didn't have any diplomas hanging on the walls like everyone else (the only one he had was the one from the online school he attended just to keep his crappy old job at a paper company), but he did have posters of his favorite musicals. Wicked, Hamilton, Les Mis, Newsies, they were all on his wall. He'd moved out the bookshelf that came with each office for a worn brown couch. His desk usually lacked much reason to it- He'd move his computer monitor to the left or right of the old wooden desk whenever he pleased and his bowl of Skittles roamed around the desk. His two photos- one of him and his parents, the other of him, Virgil, Logan, and Patton he took one day out of boredom- lacked a home. His office supplies were either scattered around in his desk drawers or scattered around the table as he made tiny origami from the post-it notes that would defend his landline phone. The nameplate, bearing the name Roman Prince in shiny letters was stuck to the desk, making it the only thing that made sense. But now, there was an unfamiliar order on the desktop. The monitor was nestled neatly in the middle of the desk. There was a photo on either side of the monitor. His origami birds sat in neat rows on the edge of the desk. The two chairs facing the desk were pushed in. Not to mention someone was sitting in Roman's chair.

The man wore a green leather jacket over a stained black t-shirt. He had a silky, bright lime scarf wrapped around his neck like a French fashionista. Despite his young age, the man's dark ginger hair was already graying at the front like Rogue from X-Men. He rested his pirate-style black boots on Roman's desktop and his jeans were covered in holes. There was a sickly pink tinge to the skin around the man's eyes that only stood out against his pale skin. His mustache would have been proper in the 1900's, but now it looked cartoonishly evil. The way he was now, it would have been very difficult for anyone to figure out how the man knew Roman. But with a bit of a makeover, it wouldn't take long for people to recognize Roman's twin brother.

"Boo," Remus said, smiling like the Cheshire Cat. Roman slammed his door shut.

"Remus!" Roman hissed. "Get- get off that!" Roman darted across his office and grabbed Remus's arm. Remus ducked underneath Roman and crawled to the couch- literally, he crab-walked like a possessed child in a horror movie onto Roman's couch. He sat on the couch's arm, one leg dangling off the side.

"Well that's a rude welcome," Remus huffed. Roman stomped to the couch.

"What are you doing here?" Roman snapped.

"I work here!" Remus chirped. "Unofficially, for now."

"Uh, no," Roman said. "You don't work here, officially or unofficially, you knock-off Heather Duke. Why are you in my office?!"

"I thought it was high time I dropped in on you!" Remus sighed, leaning his head on his hand, elbow to knee. "Isn't this what brothers do? Come see each other at work? That's not rhetorical, I'm actually asking."

"You texted me last week," Roman huffed.

"I know, but when it comes to giving you a good old fashioned hug..." Remus sighed. "Our last meeting was at Christmas last year! Thank you for the sweater, by the way. I've done many things in it."

"Ew," Roman groaned, regretting many of his life choices, one of which was not devouring his brother in the womb (an event that Logan once described to Roman which temporarily scarred him). "I am not hugging you." Last time the two hugged, Remus put Roman in a choke-hold and didn't let go for a minute and a half.

"So this is your office," Remus purred, hopping off the couch. He strolled around the room, hands behind his back. "Good job, brother! I should have visited sooner!"

"Please don't tell me you're the person Dot referred to," Roman groaned.

"That's me!" Remus chirped, spinning on one heel to face Roman. "I would like to get paid, please. I won't make you pay for the couple of months I've already worked, but it would be nice to start earning a paycheck."

"Couple of-" Roman stammered. "What?!"

"For my services as a janitor," Remus declared, giving Roman a little bow.

"I thought you had a job already," Roman huffed, crossing his arms. "Unless you got fired again."

"No, no, no, I still have my other job," Remus said, shaking his head and hands like he was denying another serving of cake. "But since I clean two hospitals, I'd like to be paid for both!"

"You are not getting a job here," Roman snapped. "Remus, you may be my brother, but my family duty has its limits. I'm sorry, but I need you to leave." He pointed towards the door.

"Why can't I work here?" Remus asked, turning and admiring the room. "I need the money. Are you afraid I'd do something bad?" Remus looked over his shoulder to Roman. "Or are you afraid to let your friends know about me?" Roman's fingers dug into the sleeves of his leather jacket.

"I'm calling security," Roman huffed. He reached for his landline. Remus's pale, boney hand grabbed Roman's hand and pulled his back. Roman spun around, now standing face to face with Remus, his hand gripped between them.

"Imagine with me," Remus purred as Roman tried to pull his hand out of Remus's tight grip. He tried to pry Remus's fingers off, but Remus's other hand grabbed his free hand. "Your boss is in his office, doing paperwork or whatever pretty folk he pleases-"

"Ew!" Roman groaned.

"-and suddenly, he gets an email from deodoranteater73," Remus explained. "with the caption 'Roman Prince has lied to you!' He opens the email and sees everything he needs to know about you and me! Including-"

"Remus, you can't!" Roman begged.

"I easily can," Remus said. "Your boss deserves the truth." Remus let go of Roman's hands. His grip left red impressions on Roman's hands.

"I've already been punished for what happened!" Roman begged, nursing his sore hands. "You-you're better off now too, right? I mean, last month you left me a voicemail in the middle of the night talking about how happy you were!"

"To be fair, there's a solid week of that month I only remember in vague gestures," Remus admitted, flourishing his hands in the air.

"Why bring up the past?" Roman stammered. "Why wreck my life?"

"Wreck your life?" Remus said, hand to his chest, pinkish eyes softening for a moment. "No no no, is that why you think I'm here? I'm happy for you!"

"You just threatened to expose me!" Roman snapped.

"If I wanted to expose you, it would be a lot more hands-on," Remus giggled.

"You know what I mean!" Roman shouted. He froze, looking to the door. Did anyone hear that?

"Roman, Roman, Roman," Remus sighed, shaking his head. He walked back to the couch and sat down like a normal human being. "I hate the thought of you losing your job. It keeps me up at night thinking of it. You know me, you know I'm telling you the truth here. I may be a demented man, but even I despise some of my ideas. But the issue here is, I need money. I'm afraid my job isn't paying me enough to keep up with my rent. Do you want me to live on the street like an animal?"

"Let's be frank, you're Oscar the Grouch's long lost cousin," Roman grumbled, crossing his arms again.

"True, true," Remus admitted, nodding. "I'm going to keep cleaning this place whether you want me to or not. Frankly, it's a wonderful job for stinky fellows like me." Remus wiggled his eyebrows. "I just need some cash."

"Then get a job at McDonald's," Roman huffed. "Take up professional dumpster diving. You can't work here."

"I prefer to keep my dumpster diving as a hobby, thank you," Remus chuckled."You know what? As my brother, I'll make you a deal. You don't need to pay me for my cleaning services. It's an honor I'm more than happy to give to this hospital. Simply send me some cash every couple of weeks to help make my rent, and we can go about our lives as normal." Remus's face darkened, his Cheshire smile returning. An instinctive fear stirred in Roman's guts. "Neither of us want to ruin a good thing." Roman tightened his crossed arms.

"Are you blackmailing me?" Roman asked.

"You could call it that," Remus sighed, standing. "I'll give you some time to think it over. I'll treat you to some funny photos I found online when I get home. There's this great website I found full of old serial killer case files-"

"Out," Roman groaned. "Please."

"I'm done, I'm done," Remus laughed, walking to the door. "Make sure not to think about dismembered dog tails while I'm gone! Byeeeeeee!" Remus grabbed the doorknob and swung the door open. Virgil stood outside the room, hand raised, ready to knock. He froze in the doorway, staring at Remus with giant eyes.

"Remus?" Virgil gasped, eyes frozen.

"My dear old friend!" Remus exclaimed. He wrapped his arms around Virgil. The nurse yelped and squirmed away from Remus. He backed into the room and shot Roman an unsettling glare. "It's so nice to see you! I can’t believe I forgot you worked here!”

”This is who you ditched me for?” Virgil muttered, pointing a hand at Remus.

”I’m afraid I must be off,” Remus sighed. “I have many important things to do, important people to do. It was wonderful seeing you again, Virge. It was just like old times.” With that, Remus slipped out of the office, closing the door, leaving Roman and Virgil with his Cheshire smile. Roman collapsed onto his chair with a deep sigh.

”Why was he here?” Virgil snapped, pointing to the door. Roman thought carefully about his answer in the few seconds he had to answer. Did Virgil not know Roman was Remus's twin? Maybe his secret was still safe.

”He was asking for a job,” Roman sighed, frowning. “Don’t worry, I turned his resume down quickly.”

”Yeah, you might want to call security to make sure he leaves the hospital,” Virgil muttered. He took a seat on Roman’s couch.

”How do you know the man?” Roman asked as he pulled out his phone to text Nate.

”He...” Virgil sighed, tugging on the edges of his scrubs. “He was a janitor where I used to work. At... St. Gemma's. He always freaked me out."

"I can understand that," Roman scoffed. "I mean, I only met him once and I was half-way to calling Nate on him!" Roman prayed his acting skills wouldn't fail him. "Nevermind the crazy man, I assume you came up here for something. Unless you just missed me." Roman ruffled his hair and flashed Virgil a grin.

"Yeah, right," Virgil scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I wanted to show you something." Virgil reached into the pocket of his scrubs. He pulled out a folded piece of lined paper and tossed it at Roman's head. The paper fell onto his desk. Roman unfolded the paper. It was a sketch of a t-shirt. Inside the t-shirt was a stethoscope surrounded by the words 'Educated nurses save lives'. "Concept art for the t-shirt."

"I knew you'd come around!" Roman laughed, pushing down the pool of strange emotions his brother unearthed.

--------------------------------------

The window of Roman's office looked out over the Miami skyline. It wasn't a great window, barely big enough to crawl through to get to the fire escape outside, but it was enough to see the gorgeous view. The pulse of the city's night-time heroes raced through the blinking lights that covered the world. The city lit the clouds floating overhead that blocked the half-moon. The faint sounds of ambulances roaring into the ED broke through the window. Roman leaned on the windowsill, his red letter jacket pulled tight around his shoulders. He should have gone home an hour ago. He wasn't like Patton or Logan or Virgil- he didn't have to work through the night. He didn't work a 9 to 5 job, but his hours didn't extend far into the inky abyss of the night.

He leaned his phone against the warm glass. The harsh light glaring from his screen kept him alert. He scrolled through Instagram, but he wasn't really looking at anything. His thoughts were completely focused on his brother. Remus was often a man of empty threats, but he didn't lie. That was something Roman never understood about his brother- while he did so many horrid things, he never lied about doing any of it. What Roman wasn't sure of was whether his little story about sending Thomas an email was one of his empty threats. He just wanted cash. Was it worth losing Roman's job over? He couldn't give Remus a job in the hospital, could he? No. It wasn't safe for Remus to be around patients. Roman was smart enough to know that.

Roman wasn't poor anymore. Personally, he wouldn't describe himself as rich, but he didn't have student loans to pay off like his friends, and his job paid more than enough for Roman to live a comfortable life. Didn't family help each other through hard times? What was a bit of cash every couple of weeks compared to what Roman made? Remus's rent couldn't cost that much. It was a favor for his brother. But Roman knew better. He'd seen plenty of shows where someone was being blackmailed. The blackmailer would get greedy and demand more and more from their victim, and the victim would comply. Roman used to think they were stupid for getting blackmailed in the first place. He didn't think that anymore.

He took his phone off the windowsill and walked to his couch. The lights were off in his office, with only a sliver of light escaping from the hallway. The light of Roman's phone illuminated his uncharacteristically grave face. He pulled up his contact list and sent a text he knew he would regret.

ME: (sent 9:22 PM)

How much money do you need?

It only took a few minutes for Roman to get a response.

REMUS: (sent 9:26 PM)

I knew you'd come around! :D

Oh boy.

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@cocobearthe4th

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crybabytoy59 · 5 years

Text

new storyline.

As I lay there I knew I could hold back no longer I would have to let go.... “look at us sweetie, that’s the way let Go.... ahah no don’t hold back sweetie...there we go ! Clever girlie Baby!!!”....

This was a time I had waited so very long for another person in life that would Not judge, would not dismiss the true inner Me mistress D had found me through my tumbler page she had found out so much of me through her own submissive sissy P’s tumblr. she had sent many messages as if it were sissy P to me..so I had opened up after all P felt as I did? Was so very nice to share my inner most secrets with a fellow submissive, until one day someone joined my tumblr mistress D there was no contact only likes of certain stories or pictures I had put up, my favourites.

I was captivated by the tumblr she held...it was sparse but quite dark, a couple of clips of severe bondage slaves in black rubber they had been put into severe leather bondage equipment, her pictures were of cartoon artists all manner of bdsm art..one took my eye it had a pink sissy strapped to a stand in a babydoll dress with pink Shirley temple golden locks, a pink bonnet, the small room was padded with a rail on one side full of sissy pink dresses at the ready! This picture was different from all the rest as it was of a sissy the others were more bdsm gimp type pictures..I did loved the thought of this picture so I liked it..then shared it with a tag on it...”If only...such a clever girlie awaiting her Obedience training....mmmm” ..I never thought any more of it... then that night a message came from her? “So sissy you like that one do You? Interesting....tell me sissy are You Obedient?” I was a bit taken by her message but decided to reply in fun so I did! Yes mistress P I would like to think so😇” .... as I prepared my evening meal I heard a ping for my page a reply came “Ok sissy let’s find out....I want you to go and get the following items once purchased straight home strip naked then message Me for Your instructions!..Now 1. Three cream spray cans, 2 a tub of black grapes, 3 a bag of marshmallows, 4 a family bay of skittles, 5 a white bath towel 6 four rolls of cling film 7 three rolls of black duck tape. Now Go” I found myself very aroused by her message so decided to go get the items I returned stripped and messaged her to my surprise the reply was instant “Good now lets begin...take the first cream lay on your back on the bath towel shake the can then without hesitation put the entire contents up inside yourself! Eh Now!” This I did I felt it really filling me up but I got the whole can in! “Done Mistress D” I got a reply Clever sissy now stand up, bend and touch your toes 50 times Do Not let anything out! ...as I did this the urge to go to the bathroom was very strong “done Mistress D” now go potty’s...I did it exploded from me...then I was told to put the second can in as before, this I did but she .told me 100 bends “all done Mistress D” again I was allowed to potty this time it was just white cream that came out (I keep myself very clean) she sent more instructions “Ok Baby very good so far am pleased with you... on the towel again as if it was a nappy, put a little cream in then a grape do this 24 times then more cream, next push All the skittles in ! More cream then the mallows all of them ..Clever Baby Nappy On & tape it shut, followed by the cling film very tightly.....all three rolls then the rest of tape winding it under your hips up your bottom till your nappy is wedged tightly like a climbing harnessing! once done message me !” This took time but i completed the task then messaged her back “all done Mistress D” the message came back “Ok now the hard part...sit on the floor hands out front on the floor legs wide apart..then type Done!” I did as I was told I was now Very aroused ! I was panting on the floor as the filling wanted to come back out ! I typed Done Mistress D “ ..Suddenly there was a knock at my door ? ...I would just ignore it ..then I realised I had not locked it! As I went too get up the screen flashed “I told You not too move stay Still untill I tell You I want Obedience! As I read it my door opened two people walked in closed the door both dressed in rubber uniforms! Do not Move Babyslave!!!!!!

The first girl was a blonde with heavy curly hair down her back she shed on a red rubber uniform all in one, she was around 5’u” with a curvy figure this girl spoke first as the other girl put down a ruck sack “Now Crybaby you do Not have permission to talk ! You will stay silent as we Get You Ready I will allow moans, yelling, gasping, squealing or crying..But Not a Word from that potty’s, got that, nod if You understand Crybaby! “ I nodded to her and she patted my head “Clever girlie Crybaby “ the second girl had a belt with straps from it she approached me then knelt down in front of me as the first girl went behind me. This girl looked younger dressed in a pink rubber uniform also all in one, she had a wee logo on her uniform it was a red unicorn ? She spoke to me “Ok Crybaby handies at your sides and lift your botty off the floor ( I did to a girrgle from my tummy) Clever girlie Crybaby are you feeling full? (I nodded) Clever girlie Crybaby filling yourself nicely for us, But hold it in Not a single drop in Your nappy’s “ she passed the large wide belt around me to the other girl who held it, as she clipped the steel clasping at the front shut I realised what this item was a corset with an array of strapping from it! As they tugged it tightly I started panting slightly, both for holding myself up and the new restrictions to my tummy, she pulled a large flap under me that had three smaller straps in a Y from the rear through leather loops, then she stood upright going behind me as the first girl knelt down she spoke to me “ Clever girlie Crybaby just relax breathe slowly ( she was feeding the strapping through eyelet buckles,one at each thigh, one at my tummy) Take a nice Deep Breath for me!” She nodded to the other girl who put a knee in the base of my neck then held my chin in both hand slowly pulling my head back this made me feel a sudden vulnerability as if sensitive to my new predicament she spoke “There there now Crybaby relax your Ok, just look at me” Suddenly each of the thigh straps tightened up, I felt a knee under my thigh as the strap was wrenching tighter & tighter! Both my thighs felt so compressed! Next the tummy strap was pulled this too got the aid of her knee, I was suddenly aware this flap had some kind of large studs in it, one over my back passage,two below my crotch and some up the side of my crotch! With the Now tightly strap wrenched up between my legs I Suddenly realised what they had just done! The first girl smiled at me then spoke “Clever girlie Crybaby Breathe now that’s a good girlie, Ok as You now are gussying You can’t go poopies until We both decide You will be allowed, so sit back down handies out in front of you please Crybaby!” Her voice had changed she sounded far more authoritative & matter of fact, she kicked both my thighs at the strapping making Me yelp! “Leggies Wide apart & lean slightly forward Crybaby! Cross your palms over each other Now! Hold Very still No talking ...Clever girlie Do Not Move!!” The second girl handed her a Scottish twase! She raised it thin pulled sharply downwards, there was a loud crack & my hand exploded in white hot pain ! She barked at me “Change Crybaby!” I knew what she wanted, my other unbeaten hand ! I did as told again she belted me hard Six in All three each hand ! The girl handed her pink mittens in leather make a fist Crybaby! She put these mittens on very tightly, my hands stinging badly inside the mittens! She took another item from the girl, a pink arm binder “Arm behind You Crybaby!” She went behind me as she did the girl stood in front of me patted my head “look at the floor Crybaby!” As I did she put her hands on the back of my head pulling me forward then trapped my head between her thighs tightly! As the girl behind me set about strapping the armbinder on tightly I was gasping and whimpering the whole time as cramping had started due too my compression at being bent in this position, once in the binder I was let up, this time the Both stood in front of me, the older on spoke as the other got an item from the ruck sack, this looked like a short leather skirt, she put it on the floor in front of me unzipped the rear, I could now see it had a base sowed into it? The oldest one smiled at me”crawl forward into your hobbling skirt Crybaby! Eh Now potty girlie!” I did as told, the girl was holding the sides until I was in fully, then she zipped it up the rear with some effort, a belt was strapped through loops at the top then pulled tightly she the Spoke “All Ready Mistress!” ....the older one spoke too her “Clever girlie sissy P kneel down in the corner for now please sissy P...(the girl did as told knelt watching Me!) Now Crybaby as you have worked out yes sweetheart My name is Mistress D! I am going to carry out your favourite Rachel clip ! So presentation please!” She lifted a huge heavyweight flogger as the penny dropped I lent backward arching out my chest! “Clever girlie Crybaby I do like Obedience!!” She swung the flogger !!!!!.....she took her time flogging me over and Over stopping onl when I bent forwards touching, stroking, kissing The growing redness and heat....half way she kissed my forehead then spoke “Crybaby present! Clever girlie Open Wide!” She put a cock dummy in my mouth it had a face harnessing that she buckled up tightly, then she smiled as the flogging continued! the last six lashes were full force! Mistress D was very strong As these felt as if my skin would rip open ..I burst out crying! “Aawwww Look Sissy P real tears from our New Crybaby potty Toy, come over here and help settle Crybaby sissy P......(P crawled over then started sucking My nipples it Did not take long as my tears turned to whimpering moans as my cock strained as the large studs in the crotch flap did there work. Mistress D had picked up what looked like a leather hoodie but the zip was up the rear she held it in front of me, then Spoke “Now Crybaby we’re going to Finnish your bindings then we are going too take you sweetheart back to our home so we can get started on Your training! We Have such big plans for You Crybaby! ..I know Crybaby is it wanting to come out Very Badly? (I nodded) Ok you be a Clever girlie on the way home and we will see once we are home, sissy P give Crybaby your gift Please!” Sissy P had a large syringe this she put too the dummy then pushed in the contents! Mistress D chuckled “Clever girlie Crybaby you finish that before we get You home and we will let you go poopies! Got that potty girlie?(I nodded) Clever girlie Crybaby “ everything went black as they pulled on the top half of the hobble skirt zipping the two half’s together, then zipped it shut up the rear, sissy P handed mistress D the last few straps one for the mid section one at the neck. Then the room went silent as Crybaby sat in silence baby’s mouth was watering around the dummy gag so Crybaby Swallowed down the saliva but too sissy Baby’s surprise something oozed out of the dummy is did not taste pleasant some kind of slimy goo?...worse still the swallow reflex made more goo come out ! I heard them coming back I was lifted on to something then everything seemed to go quite, as I was pushed forward I felt bumps then being lifted up a couple of loud clicks then the sound of a door being closed then voices in the distance, there was a light shake and we moved ! I was being transported to there home... my life was about to change I had no idea that this was a well planned thought out thing they had cooked up together with me as there New Toy... we drove for what seemed hours I had wet myself and was sweating heavy due to the anal contents wishing to leave my body!!.. finally I was moved then un-packed from the box I was in! I was then positioned, at that point I heard mistress D thanking someone “Thank you so very much for that... are you still ok for 9pm ?” A mans voice reply’d “Your welcome D yes sue can’t wait to meet Baby is it ok too bring our new toys to use on Baby?” I heard I chuckle “Why yes we can’t wait can we sissy P? (There was a loud crack!” Answer the first time Sissy P!!...much better best mind your manners Madam... we will see you both later then Tim “ ... I was shaking now, getting a little scared over my current situation! Just as I was thinking that the zip was pulled down on my top half ...

Hello sweetheart how’s you hhmmm? Is your tummy hurting? Ok let’s get you Un-strapped, so we can see if you were a clever girlie Crybaby, sissy P straps please” sissy P went behind me as mistress D undid the dummy gag, she slowly withdrew it a large string of saliva hung from it as she pinched it together pulling her fingers down its length, she smiled warmly to me “Clever girlie Crybaby, that was very clever sucking All sissy P’s gift... but don’t fret crybabies got lots more to come shortly to fill that cute tummy up! Open Wide...Wider Crybaby! Clever girlie in we go!” She put another cock gag in me it had just a single strap around my head, as she did sissy P was on the zipper to the hobble skirt she patted my rear “waddle backwards for us Crybaby...clever girlie that’s great Stop there. Sissy P lifted the hobble skirt as mistress D patted my chin look up sweetheart that’s it this is your room !” She stepped back I had not seen a thing as she had been in front of me the whole time I gasped at what a looked upon! I was facing a copy of my favourite sissy room picture in the middle of the room was an upright stand with strapping to the left was a railing packed full of sissy clothes,the walls we’re padded pink silk to the left hung all manner of punishment implementation of every kind !...shelf’s of jars, flasks with tubes from them, hoods, cuffs, belts, bars... it was very dimly lit apart from the stand it was flooded with light! ...she spoke “Aaww look sissy P ..Crybaby loves her new room ! Let’s get you up and fitted so you can go poppies for being such a clever girlie she turned to sissy P then spoke “Sissy P set up the feeding bucket please, then fill the priming pump for Crybaby... use the one in the fridge please sissy... she looked back at me.. now Crybaby this will not be easy as I know your tummy and leggier hurt but stand up I will help you as you have been a clever girlie.. that’s it yes I know it’s sore..sweetheart wait until you have to do this un-aided after Your a naughty Crybaby! Yes sweetheart trust me You will be naughty, then Your Punishment Will Be Very Severe Crybaby... ok now slowly over to the stand turn around.. that’s it bend forward so mistress D can get your handies over the bar..clever girlie Crybaby!” She strapped my arms to the frame then unfastened the corsets strapping the relief was great, then the corset belt came off, mistress D got a pair of cutters then cut the tape & cling film, sissy P was back behind me with a small cart it had a pole from it with two clear flasks, from these were a heavy tube connected by a silver T elbow, mistress D looked at me then spoke “Now Crybaby I am going to take off your nappy not a drop comes out Or I Will Punish You Severely Understand? ( I nodded) clever girlie Crybaby just relax.. now open your leggies for me!” She took the nappy off then took a large pink potty putting it under me her rubber glove pushing my sissy clit inside The potty she spoke “Clever girlie Crybaby big breath and push hard! ...Clever girlie poopies come on All of it!” I did not need the encouragement it shot from me almost in one push ! I was panting now..” Clever girlie Crybaby...sissy P put this in the feeder please” Mistress D wiped my bottom then lifted a Higgins tube this was pushed up inside me, then she strapped my legs to the frame tightly she got up off the wee stool, as she did sissy P handed her a steel pipe with what looked like a mouth bit that took the teeth then had an oval protuberance that went 2” inside the mouth, it was curved at 45 degrees down wards the end flared outwardly, she smiled as she removed the single strap gag, then spoke “Open Wide Crybaby...Clever girlie in we go!” This was fed into my mouth I could feel the rubber part over my tongue, it had a lower jaw mask in rubber that fitted over it holding it in place I was very scared now ! I genuinely started crying, she giggled “look sissy P she is crying again Clever girlie Baby! What do you think of her crying sissy P? “ sissy P stood beside Mistress D then spoke “She looks very scared Mistress D I think she looks Very cute when she cry’s Mistress!!” Mistress D patted sissy P’s rear then spoke “Clever sissy P yes she looks Very cute crying, Ok fill both her flasks please and let’s see if wee can keep that cute look on her face!.. give me the feeder please sissy P” this thing looked like a large coke bottle with a rubber flange inside the neck at the screw end the other end had a large oval handle attached too a plunger! She screwed it too the gag there was still two screw caps on the steel gag bit, Sissy P was unscrewing both of these putting each flask hose to each side they had a turn valve that was shut, Mistress D looked at me “Crybaby I am going to feed you Do Not wrench!! seeing as this is your first time I will go slowly this time” Suddenly she pushed goo spilled onto my tongue then I had to swallow! I tasted the marshmallows! Mistress D was feeding my The contents of my own bottom! I struggled to swallow but got into a rhythm until she emptied the contents into me..she spoke to sissy P “Open your gift from the fridge first!...Clever girlie Crybaby that’s a good potty swallow all sissy P’s gift...aaww More tears your ever so cute Crybaby!...other flask now sissy P please!” They both stood to watch as I had to swallow all the contents of both flasks! Mistress D clapped “Clever girlie Crybaby we going to get on a treat !! Potty girlies like you crying as they’re used are Very cute...sissy P put the feeding equipment away, I am going to dress Crybaby “.....I was unfastened from the frame and the fed gagging removed, Mistress D then took me to another room it was a wet room here I had three very degrading enemas in front of her & sissy P, then I had my entire body hair removed then she had Me knelt as I had my hair shaved off then my head shaved completely bald ! All that was left was my eyebrows, I was then washed with Very powerfully smelling baby oils even after I was dry my skin felt slightly oily, next Mistress D had me crawl on all fours to my Baby-room. There I was made too Kneel with my hand behind my neck fingers interlocked arched fully as she got items arranged, she then stepped in front of me, smiling down at Me she began “Now sweetheart am Very pleased with You thus far, you have been a clever girlie Crybaby not talking just all lovely whimpering squeals & not forgetting Your cute little baby Tears!! So now I want you to stay quiet as we dress you Don’t Resist us in any form or we Will punish You severely Crybaby Do I Make Myself Clear! (I nodded) Clever girlie Crybaby here we go stand up!” Sissy P stood in front of me, Mistress D patted my leg “Leggie Up potty girlie!” I was a bit unsteady but to my surprise sissy P held under my arms to steady me...Mistress D pulled on a pink see through stocking, then set my leg back down the other leg got the same treatment, then she patted my thigh & spoke “handies out in front at shoulder height Baby girlie” she pulled on a pink transparent rubber top zippering it up the rear, next she pushed ear plugs deep into my ear canal then held up a hood it too was pink transparent rubber, but had nose holes, eye holes and a built in rubber oval that had teething groove set in the rubber mouth bit, I was now shaking slightly, as she spoke “aaawwww sweetheart are you cold ? Or just getting scared ?... Clever girlie Crybaby is it the latter ? ( I nodded ) Clever girlie Baby You have good reason to be scared sweetheart..Open Wide!” She pushed the hood mouth bit into my mouth pushing on the teething groves fully home, then pulled on the hood zippering it shut! It was a tightly fitting hood. Mistress D was smiling to sissy P as she put her hand in the small of my back then spoke “Crybaby bend over and hold sissy P’s hips..Clever girlie Do Not Move!” I felt her lub my back passage then slowly something entered me she took her time waiting till my anal muscle relaxed then pushed it all the way home next she pushed something and it opened inside me! I felt her fit something then she again spoke “Very Clever girlie Crybaby stand up straight !Now sissy P is going to play with you close your eyes Do Not Open them” I did as told something touched my nipples through the rubber Very slowly, I couldn’t help it I started moaning as I love to have my nipples touched, I felt embarrassed as I was getting aroused! This was what Mistress D had wanted all along! I felt my balls being pulled through something “Clever girlie Crybaby..now this through here” my swollen member was pushed through something, I Now felt my balls forced downwards and my member Up wards she the pushed something Down my length as she did there was a click “Clever girlie Crybaby..I think potty girlie likes your touch Sissy P” they both giggled, what did she keep calling Me potty girlie? Perhaps I was to be potty trained? As I was thinking that I felt a smack not hard just lightly, the nipple play stopped as Mistress D spoke “sit down Sweetheart..Clever girlie lay back (sissy P was sitting on a stool at my head) give sissy P Your handies Crybaby..Clever girlie” sissy P put them under her thighs trapping my wrists “Ok botty Up Baby girlie Clever Crybaby” she put a large white disposable Nappy on me then took a small spiked wheel running it up and down the padding (this made me moan) Dirty girlie look sissy P our potty girlie likes this” a second Nappy was put on this too got the same treatment from the wheel, five Nappy’s in all, she smiled down at me cooing gently “mmmmm Baby girlie is nice and padded now...last one Crybaby “ this nappy was pink with wee fairy’s and unicorns on it in print!! After she taped it up pink runner pants were pulled up this took effort as the padding was so large, they had high waist & thigh cuffs after Done Mistress D slapped them hard “Clever girlie Crybaby look at you all padded out for us....she will need them today Sissy P wont she!” ...sissy P looked down at me “ Yes Mistress D Crybaby Will need every last layer for What lays ahead, aaww Mistress D She is welling up again, she is just so cute!” Sissy P let my hands out as Mistress D took my wrists she spoke “Up you get sweetheart...that’s a clever girlie all the way up! Open your leggings it will make standing easier..well done Crybaby! Now keep still....Sissy P front please” they swapped places and Mistress D patted my rear “Leg Up Baby!...Hold Her Sissy P” again I was steadied as Mistress D put something on my foot in rubber some kind of slipper...”Other foot Baby “ it too was fitted, the my foot resting on the floor Mistress D started pulling up the one piece pink maids uniform! The rubber skirt was huge my arms were pushed in one at a time then it was zipped up the back to my neck! Next she pulled on a pink hood, lining up the eye holes nose and mouth, tugging it on till smooth, she poke to sissy P “Put her in a spreader bar please sissy P” as Mistress D was zipping up the hood, sissy P put cuffs on my ankles then patted my leg she too spoke “Crybaby leggies wide apart please” as I did I felt the two clicks of the spreader bar locking in place...Mistress D patted my huge rear “ Turn around slowly Sweetheart...Clever girlie Crybaby that’s the way as I faced her she had a huge wig with blond curls in two pigtails to the sides, this she flipped over my head tugging it Down....”My my Don’t we look just the cutest wee potty girlie Crybaby...Ok time is getting on let’s get Finnished up here Sissy P, hand me the posture collar!..Clever girlie Crybaby look up at the ceiling for us, aaawww Sweetheart Crying won’t stop this ..in-fact sweetheart....Nothing Will Your going to be bound then, shower your place in our home....isn’t she Sissy P?” Suddenly I was spanked Very hard on the huge Nappy! “Get your head up when your Told potty girlie....yes mistress D indeed she needs a good lesson to show her what’s expected of her!” Mistress D pulled on the collar coming up next to my face she spoke “Yes Crybaby that’s what your going to get A Severe Lesson in Obedience...As we get you potty trained!!!” Why did they keep saying that I had a huge nappy on how could I be potty trained?.....”Hand me her corset sissy P....Clever sissy..and the armbinder please sissy P”.......Take a Deep Breath Sweetheart!” I felt my waist starting too narrow I was panting short breaths as Mistress D tugged the laces relentlessly further and further she narrowed my waist! Finally she tied it off “Mmmm much better that’s a girlie stood up nice and straight now...Ok turn around so we can see how cute You look Crybaby....that’s the way we know it’s hard in your spreader bar....but keep turning! Perfect..Ok stop there Crybaby ! Back up slowly Clever girlie Stop !” Mistress D pulled a rope from the ceiling putting it too my armbinder, then I heard clicking as my arms went up behind me a was panting due too the compression, she set up a trolley with a black box on it this box had a clear front inside was a pair of cogs, the wee window had yellow fluid in it at the side of the black box was a tank much like a coffee machine but larger, Mistress D lifted a long tube at its end was a curved pink cock dummy with strapping from it to go over the face and head, she poke to me “Now sweetheart we’re going to hydrate You I want you to relax this Is Going In Regardless Of How You Feel....if you resist it won’t be a nice experience for our girlie !” ....She slowly pushed it halfway in “Push your younger forwards! Crybaby.....cry all you want tongue Forwards!! ..Clever girlie” she pushed it fully home as I wrenched the tip just before the back of my throat!...”Ok potty girlie let me explain the cord from your armbinder is connected to a pressure switch keep your arms up & you will be fine let them down and You will start the potty pump, so Crybaby it’s up too you how slowly you drink our piss in the tank !

Yes cutenesses your going to be trained to be a Crybaby potty !..look sissy P potty girlie is crying again !! Why don’t you help her accept her fate as I get the electric stimulation system set up for her!” Sissy P stood in front of me taking my nipples! “Clever girlie Crybaby that’s it swallow or you will chock cutenesses...Mistress D please can I help Crybaby go pee’pees?” ...Mistress D giggled loudly “Yes sissy P only six for Now please”...sissy P held my shoulders then spoke “Look at me cutenesses don’t look away or close your eyes!” Suddenly She kneed me in the crotch the bonds held me firm as she drew her leg back for the second harder knee !...i wheezed through my nose grunting loudly! By six I wet myself! “ Clever girlie Crybaby did you just go Pee’pees in your nappy? ( I nodded best I could) Clever girlie” sissy P went back too my nipples as Mistress D came over with a box it had lots of wires from it, looking down at my bent form she mocked me “Clever girlie Crybaby did our potty girlie Wet herself?...Clever girlie Crybaby Your going to be doing lots and lots of wetting for us....we’re going to train You to wet yourself on command cutenesses!” She knelt down attaching the first two wires to the back of the rubber tights, next wire went to the corset then the shoulder of my rubber maids dress !....”Ok sissy P that’s her all set up, let’s have You go get me a nice glass of wine Sissy, also bring Mistress D the prune juice as we need to get you hydrated for afterwards sissy P” I watched as sissy went away to get wine for Mistress D...she came over to me, then took my nipples teasing them “Now sweetheart I want our girlie to try and present herself..that’s a clever girlie! Arch more cuteness...swallow faster Crybaby keep with the flow....Clever girlie relax again” I slumped forwards panting hard out my nose, as sissy P returned......

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vantataa · 5 years

Text

Parties [Loki X Reader] (M)

@uselesspileofstressandsadness

[DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT WATCH A LOT OF MARVEL SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME WHEN I SAY I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT LOKI. PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORKS BECAUSE I WORK HARD ON THEM AND PLEASE ENJOY READING]

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY @uselesspileofstressandsadness! Many happy returns of the day!

It was a Friday afternoon and your bag was stuffed to the brim with work you had to do for the weekend. However, instead of actually doing the work you were seated on your couch, a bowl full popcorn in hand and the coffee table in front of you littered with junk food. Your eyes were trained eagerly at the TV playing your favourite marvel movie.

Because come on. Who even does work on a Friday? You did have the entire weekend for it after all. So that’s why you were sitting on your couch and lazing around.

“[insert favourite scene]”

Your phone, which was laying idle by your side, begun dinging rapidly, as if some sort of fire alarm in the middle of a forest fire. You groaned into your mouthful of popcorn, accidently spitting out parts of it when you reached over to your phone with greasy hands.

Yeah no, you thought, one hand hovering over the device, that’s disgusting and revolting at the same time. Luckily you had a handful of tissues on the table too (you liked being prepared) so you hastily wiped your hands on them and finally reached over to your phone.

“What?” you ask, pressing the pause button on the movie.

“Y/N!” a voice says, “where are you?”

“At home, obviously.”

Why on earth did your best friend have to call just when you got to the best part of the movie?

“Put on something sexy and come out, I’m waiting outside your door. We’re going out.”

Okay no. it was a Friday evening and she wanted to go out? When the two of you could have been curled up on a couch eating popcorn and watching a movie? No way.

“Ha ha no.” you say bluntly and are just about to cut the call before she says desperately, “No wait! Please Y/N! I stayed with you for three days last week just to watch a non-stop marathon of Marvel, so you owe me this.”

You really didn’t like owing people.

“Look, I’ll do anything else. Just can you please leave me be to watch my movie for today?”

She snorts, “Oh hell no. You’ve seen that Loki movie more then 30 times already, skipping once wouldn’t hurt. Well, unless you want to run around naked at collage on Monday.”

Rita was truly beyond evil.

“Okay fine! Don’t blame me if I’m grumpy the whole time.”

“Would you like a drink madam?” the bartender asks you, making you feel old all of a sudden. Geez, of all places Rita just had to choose a bar. Couldn’t the two of you have gone to a karaoke or something, like normal people? No. So instead you were stuck in a bar with bearded men, all way to old for you, sending you lustful gazes.

Ew.

Shuddering at the thought you clasp your fingers together and say, “Um, yes please, just some water.”

The bartender raises his eyebrows at you, almost as if he’s never seen a person come to the bar to have water. But he still slips you a glass of the crystal-clear liquid anyway, still looking surprised. You smile gratefully, bring the drink up to your nose to make sure it isn’t spiked and take a careful little sip.

Yep, just water.

“Y/N~ Watcha doing?” a high pitch voice squeals in your ear. You turn around hastily to see a very obviously drunk Rita plonk her ass on the bar stool next to you, “Y/N! Why are you drunking – hic – boorring wha-whater?”

Oh oh. Although sober Rita respected your decisions on not drinking, drunk Rita wasn’t having any of it.

“H-here Y/N! Chu can have mai – hic – drink!” she says, thrusting a brightly coloured liquid into your hands. “Drink it!” she giggles, watching you with wide eyes.

In a fit of panic, you slip your hands into your purse, looking for something, anything, to stop you from drinking. You had never let a sip of alcohol ever pass your lips into your system, and you weren’t about to start anytime soon. Luckily, your fingers grazed over a box of skittles (you always had an emergency box of candy in your bag) right on time and and idea sprung to your mind.

“No thanks Rita! I already have a drink,” you say, holding up a glass of bright purple liquid.

“Is it alcohol?” she asks, looking at the glass suspiciously before smelling it. And no, it was actually not alcohol. It was just the glass of water from before with pieces of purple skittles inside, dying the liquid a bright purple.

“Ohhhh~ it smells divine! Like… grape! What wine is it?”

You cough nervously, “Um, Lacto Grapious.”

You just said the first grape related latin sounding word that came to your mind. To be honest, you had no idea if the name even existed.

“Nice,” Rita nods, looking satisfied, “Now you’re ready to dance!”

Then she pushes you into the crowd.

---

Okay, so when she pushed you into the crowd of raging people you did not gracefully catch yourself, glare at her and start dancing. What actually happened was that you stumbled face first onto the dance floor and knocked down some poor soul.

Luckily this was at the very back corner of the room so you managed not to get trampled on by the incredible amount of people who decided that dancing was better then staying home. Geez, what was wrong with them?

You shake your head at the thought and finally turn your attention towards the person you just knocked over. This time it's your breath knocked out of your body.

The man under you is probably the most attractive person you had ever seen. The fact that he had locked gazes with you and had an amused smirk on his stunning features just made you fall deeper in awe. His smirk widens as he catches you staring and you feel heat crawl up your neck.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" you say, scrambling to your feet and offer a hand towards the man. He grins and places his hand on top of yours, and you watch in fascination as your fingers get swallowed up by his.

"No worries darling," he says, getting up from the floor with out using your hand at all for support (he still doesn't let go though), "If I could have pretty girls like you fall on me all the time, I'd be the happiest person on the planet."

You couldn't believe it. Not only was this man attractive beyond human standards, he had called you of all people pretty and had the sexiest voice you had ever had the pleasure of hearing.

You feel your cheeks go warm again and mumble quietly, "Thank you."

The man let's the fingers of his free hand grasp your jaw and he pulls it up so he can look you in the eye and say cockily, "I didn't exactly catch that sweetheart."

Your eyes widen at his words and you have an urgent need to look away from his stunning eyes. But the second you avert your eyes the man backs you up to the wall at the back of the bar and leans in until his lips are stationed near your ear, "Oh, don't look away from me darling. Your eyes are simply breath taking. But I'm sure I can think of many more things of yours that can be more than breath taking."

You feel your breath hitch in your throat. God, just listening to the words roll off the guy's tongue so sensually was enough to get you rubbing your thighs together. Your underwear was getting soaked beyond repair. Which was sad, because it was your favourite pair of underwear.

You let your eyes slid back to the man's capturing ones and he lets out a throaty chuckle, "There's a good girl. Now, tell do tell me your name."

You gulp, "Y/N."

He laughs again (okay, this was getting a little bit offensive. Was he making fun of your name?), head tiling back in a way that allowed you to catch a glimpse of his tan throat. You rub your thighs together again and frown, this was really not normal.

You had not even met the guy for more then 10 minutes and you were already feeling so aroused. You really need to let you guard up-

"I'm Loki," he says, interrupting your thoughts as he grips the sides of your hips, "And Y/N, has anybody told you're absolutely beautiful?"

How on earth were you supposed to let your guard up when he was being so... perfect?

"Um yes," you reply, flustered, "My mum, my dad, my bro-"

"Ahh no, silly. Not in that way," he breathes, the warm air tickling your ear lobe and cheek, "You're so beautiful it's taking all of my self control not to pin you down and have my way with you."

Suddenly his words are hoarse, and he grinds his hips against yours, so you can feel the heard length of his clothed crotch. That was the last straw. You had never done anything in your life as dangerous as even hold hands with a person you had know for years (fine, you weren't exactly the social butterfly) and with Loki you had pushed the limits. Pushing a little more wouldn't hurt, right?

So that's why you slide one hand up his back to twist the little hairs at the back of his neck, use the other hand to fist the area of his shirt that covered his chest and pull him in so that the both of your lips are merely millimetres apart,

"Well, then why don't you have your way with me?" you say, breathing hotly against his lips.

Then you kiss him.

A/N: I hope this satisfied you, my best friend in the entire world! I'm sorry If it didn't :(

And again Happy Birthday @uselesspileofstressandsadness and I love you to bits and pieces!

[YES I WROTE THIS, IT’S NOT REPOSTED OR ANYTHING]

Also on my quotev account:

https://www.quotev.com/HASHTAGBTS

#loki x reader #oneshot #mature #no smut

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toomanysurveys9 · 5 years

Text

Have you ever eaten dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets? yeah. i always loved all food things that were shaped differently, but my mom pretty much never bought it. i bet wy would love that sort of stuff, or he will soon. and i’ll probably buy it for him a lot. lol.

Is your crush nice to you? or do you not have one right now? it’s more than a crush. we’re married. and he has his moments when he is nice to me, although it’s kind of rare he interacts with me in any way anymore unless he wants sex or something.

Do you have a myspace? it still exists but i don’t use it.

If not then what about a facebook? i do have facebook that i do use.

Mcdonalds, do you like it or does it disgust you? it’s not my favorite, but i do eat there on occasion when we take wyatt there to play with other kids.

Are you one of those girls who thinks their fat even though your skinny? no. i think i’m fat because i am fat. i hate my body.

Do you like the state you live in? it’s alright. it’s not the worst place to live. i’m bored and ready to leave anytime though.

What about the city? see above answer - it also applies.

Have you ever been to Oregon? i have not.

Does chocolate pudding sound good right now? no. i only like butterscotch or vanilla pudding.

Are you upset with anyone at this time? not at the moment.

Are you a 90’s baby? yeah.

What’s your favorite decade? probably the 90′s.

Isn’t “Tom Sawyer by Rush” a good song? or never heard of it before? i’ve never heard it.

Are you even a fan of classic rock? some.

Have you ever made a Youtube video? i think i made one, once. it was stupid with cards and a song in the background. i was young and dumb. lol.

If you could have any super power what would it be? i think it’d be cool to be able to teleport.

You get 3 wishes, what are they? i would wish for my family to always have everything they need and to be healthy (health problems cured), and happy.

Whats your favorite flavor kool-aid? i would drink any as long as it wasn’t grape or orange. the blue ones were my favorite i think. it’s been a very long time since i drank kool-aid. lol.

Have you ever liked a guy named Chris? lol. he was my first crush.

Well what about Josh? nope.

If you were asked to model for abercrombie would you? lol. that’s funny.

If not why? you’re forgetting i’m disgusting looking. so i would never get asked to begin with. and modeling was never something i was ever seriously interested in.

Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? i did and loved it.

When you were a little kid did you play with barbies or toy cars more? barbies. i played with barbies FOREVER.

Do you say OMG or Oh my god? oh my god. or oh my chuck.

Aren’t blue eyes just the prettiest? i mean, sure. but i tend to love brown eyes a lot. or hazel like wyatt’s. i’m curious what eliana’s eyes will be. if they are blue, they will be my favorite shade of blue.

Do you get embarrassed when you get in trouble? or do you not care? it depends. i guess i usually would get embarrassed because i was usually pretty good.

You are given one free plane ticket, where do you choose to go? italy.

Do you love to buy things? even when you don’t need them? only if it’s things for my kids. or books.

Are you a total bitch to people without meaning to be? i don’t think so.

Play any instruments? not well enough to say yes.

If so which ones? i know the very basics of piano.

Are you more of a dog or cat person? probably dogs although i love cats too.

Is school more of a hang out or place to learn for you? it was always more of a place to learn.

Are you one of those people who takes pictures during class? no. i didn’t do that.

Is there anyone you want to just PUSH OFF the earth forever? i mean. i guess not. although i would seriously think about it with christian and jason.

Do you prefer talking in person or over text? most of the time, over text because i can think about my responses without it being awkward.

Seventeen magazine or cosmo girl? or neither? i used to read seventeen when i was younger ALL THE TIME.

Isn’t it stupid when surveys ask for your name? not really. just kind of boring.

Whats your favorite kind of hersheys bar? milk chocolate with almonds sounds good.

Do you watch Family Guy? usually i am in bed with the kids by that time.

Current mood: alright. bored. little lonely.

Have a favorite number? not really.

Do you know what the word Savvy means? yeah.

Would you rather read a long ass book or write a 10 page essay? read a long ass book. i enjoy reading. although i’m not bad at writing either, so it wouldn’t be hard for me to write a ten page essay.

Have you ever thought “I want to be with this person forever”? yeah.

Do you like the school you go to? i’m not in school anymore.

Whats it called? see answer above.

Have you watched and read The Outsiders? i have not.

Isnt Sodapop Curtis VERY HOTT? i don’t know who that even is.

Or do you prefer Ponyboy Curtis? what?

Do you have any posters with hott guys in them up on your walls? no. i haven’t had a poster on my wall since i was into twilight.

Do you like mexican food? yeah.

You know that TacoBell isnt really mexican food right? yeah i know that. but i’ll still eat it.

Have you ever failed math? i’ve failed math assignments, but never the overall class.

Skittles! Whats your favorite color? hm. green.

Have your parents met your boyfriend? (if you have one)

i have a husband, and they have met him, obviously.

Have you ever had a boyfriend or no? obviously. i’m married. he started out as my boyfriend.

Does your bestfriend have any embarrassing nicknames for you? no. my mom calls me marley harley sometimes though. i’m not sure why.

Are you excited about Thanksgiving? we have quite awhile before thanksgiving now since we just had it not too long ago. and i’m fine waiting since we just celebrated it.

Is sweating gross? i mean, it’s normal. but i don’t like doing it, and i’m very glad they invented deodorant. everyone definitely needs to use it.

Do you like PE class? i pretty much always hated it.

Taken or crushing or none? extremely taken.

Is writing fun for you? i would like to do it more.

What about reading? i love to read.

How do you spell it yeah or yea? yeah.

Do you talk crap about some of your friends? no. i do not. if you talk crap about your so-called friends, i would say you’re not really friends.

Is there a guy that your REALLY MEAN to? no.

Are you racist? no.

If you could dye your hair right now would you? i could if i wanted to, but i don’t want to.

Do you like photocomments? i don’t care about photo comments.

Do you hate it when people play dumb? definitely.

Home made or store bought cookies? homemade if i can! but store bought can be good too.

#survey #surveys #personal #question #questions #random

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crtranscript · 7 years

Text

Talks Machina: After Dark - March 7, 2017

Transcribed by Critter Ryan McClure (@IHaveThatPower) and edited by @CRTranscript!

[The camera starts focused on the big Trinket statue, with Marisha, Travis, and Gil trying to pick its nose.]

MARISHA: Twinket!

MATT: Yay, Twinket!

BRIAN: Twinket!

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MARISHA: Twinket!

BRIAN: He’s shielding his eyes from a blacklight.

[Back to focusing on the group.]

MATT: For the record, you ever heard the sound a grizzly bear makes?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Fuckin’ weird.

TRAVIS: [guffaws]

MATT: You think grizzly bear, you hear the sounds they make in movies, and there’s like one or two good, like, audio clips of grizzly bears and most of them are like [makes grizzly bear sounds that sound ridiculous] and you’re like, “...what?! Really?!”

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, I gotta drop the bass on that thing.

MATT: Yeah, man.

TRAVIS: [imitates the noises Matt made]

MATT: That’s nature fuckin’ with you. Anyway. Sorry. It’s your show. Hi.

BRIAN: They had the guy who did, uh, they had the guy who did Chunk do the--

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: [imitating Sloth from Goonies] Heyyyy youu guyyyys!

ASHLEY: [imitating Sloth from Goonies] Hey you guyyyyys!

BRIAN: Well, Ashley’s here.

[all greeting Ashley with excitement]

ASHLEY: Hello!

BRIAN: She’s sharing the chair with me.

MATT: You’re a cute couple.

MARISHA: I love it.

BRIAN: How are you?

ASHLEY: [through laughter] I’m great, how are you?

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Y’all look like you’re on a carnival ride for kids.

[all laughing]

MATT: And she wants her friend to give her an out right now so bad.

BRIAN: Put your hands up. [imitates throwing hands in the air as if on a roller coaster]

[all making “Wee!” noises]

BRIAN: Um. Okay. Question for all, but especially Matt.

MATT: Oh god.

TRAVIS: So, just Matt.

BRIAN: What has been the best/worst... [Ashley starts giggling, then he starts singing to Ashley] Sometimes when we touch…

ASHLEY: Noooo.

BRIAN: ...she screams “No.”

ASHLEY: [mock protesting] Don’t do it!

BRIAN: What has been the best/worst or most unusual or most hilarious or most foul thing shouted just before the stream starts?

[all going “Ohhhhh!”]

TRAVIS: Great fuckin’ question.

BRIAN: Liam is very good.

MATT: Liam is very good.

BRIAN: Sam is very good.

MATT: Everyone else has caught onto it, which is really frustrating. What about, what are your guys’ answers?

TRAVIS: I usually say, like, kitty nipples or like, uh, skittle farts, or chuckle nut, chuckle balls. It’s an inspiration thing, it has to strike you at the right time.

MARISHA: There’s been, like, weird ones, normally based off of the beasts we’re about to fight, like tentacle taint or, yeah, y’know.

TRAVIS: I went with “grape nuts” one time.

MARISHA: [continuing] Yeah, illithid scrote… [talking with Gil in the background]

BRIAN: Grape nuts?!

TRAVIS: Grape nuts! Yeah, grape nuts I think actually got Mercer pretty good, ‘cause... fuckin’ ...grape nuts.

BRIAN: Grape nuts.

MATT: Yeah, grape nuts. The one that got me once--it got me because I could see it too viscerally in my head was like, dangly wrinkled goblin grundle?

[all laughing]

MATT: And my imagination went way too visceral and legitimate in my mind and I went “Hohh... welcome to Critical Role?” Like, I’m sure whatever episode it was…

TRAVIS: Your entire [inaudible] right in front of you.

MATT: Yeah, no, no, you can see like my whole body tense up as I’m like, “Mmm, I’m rejecting that image!”

TRAVIS: Rejecting! [chuckling]

BRIAN: If the stream comes on and Matt does one of these... [imitates Matt tilting his head in reaction to the off-screen taunting]

TRAVIS: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MATT: Yep.

BRIAN: ...they got him.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: It was a good one.

ASHLEY: It was a good one.

BRIAN: Uh, Travis.

TRAVIS: Yep.

BRIAN: Between Umbracyl... Oom-brussle?

TRAVIS: Oom-brussle!

ASHLEY: Oooom-bruh-seal.

MATT: Oom-bruh-seal!

TRAVIS: Ooooom-bruh-SEAL!

BRIAN: ...and the kraken and any other I’m forgetting…

TRAVIS: Crack-EN.

BRIAN: ...is Grog going to develop a hatred, or worse a fear, of small, enclosed, warm places?

[all going “ohhhhh” and laughing]

TRAVIS: You know, Grog hand a fondness for those small, enclosed, warm places…

MATT: Actually, you weren’t swallowed by Umbracyl, you were swallowed by the Fey croc, the Feymire crocodile.

TRAVIS: That’s right, yeah, in the live show.

MATT: In the Feywild. Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s right.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I got chomped, I got chomped for sure. No fear. Grog’s got no fear because you’d have to have an intelligence to recognize the peril of your surroundings to develop a fear. I usually get swallowed and I’m like, “This is nice!”

MATT: So what you’re saying is your DeviantArt is filled with vore art now. Is that what’s going on?

[all making grossed-out sounds]

TRAVIS: Pretty much.

MATT: Good, great. Sorry, the internets ruined me a long time ago.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I can tell.

BRIAN: Ozzy Stern... wants to know.

MATT: Yes?

TRAVIS: Good pause.

BRIAN: Matt and the crew...

TRAVIS: Asshole.

BRIAN: ‘Cause you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

TRAVIS: Ozzy Stern [looks at watch and pauses dramatically] wants to know.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Has the dragon vodka been drunk after the death of the Conclave and what did it taste like?

MARISHA: Wait, have we opened that yet?

MATT: The dragon vodka, we did. We had the dragon vodka and then we had the Arkenstone wine.

MARISHA: The wine, right.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: The wine was incredible.

MATT: It [the vodka] was harsh.

MARISHA: The wine was so good.

MATT: I’m a vodka fan myself, as far as like drinks go like vodka and rum are the two of my choice and the vodka was really, really good.

BRIAN: I like, uh… vodka, too. I’m sorry, Travis.

TRAVIS: I know. I’m waiting.

MATT: God dammit.

BRIAN: Hey guys.

MATT: The dragon vodka was really cool. For those who didn’t know, it was a gift from a critter that sent this amazing bottle of vodka that had like gold flakes in it and it had like a glass dragon inside the bottle.

ASHLEY: Whoa.

MATT: It was absurd!

MARISHA: The gold flakes.

MATT: So thank you again!

MARISHA: I loved that on the back it said that it was like artisan infused with premium 24 carat gold flakes and I was like, “Baaaack the fuck out.”

TRAVIS: Artisan.

MATT: I was hoping that it was infused with actual artisans.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: They just like distilled it from their bodies.

TRAVIS: That’d be better.

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: I can get you some of that.

MATT: Of course you--you can, Brian.

BRIAN: I know a guy. Goes by the name @GilTheVlogsmith. Travis, I have a question... we hope this is for you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, oh shit.

BRIAN: What would Grog do with a 20 Intelligence for 24 hours?

TRAVIS: I have no idea. I don’t know.

BRIAN: You have to have fantasized about it.

TRAVIS: Nope.

BRIAN: Asleep in your---

TRAVIS: No, that would take forethought and like planning and I don’t do either of those things with my character. I have no idea. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not sure. It’d depend on my mood that day. He could either be like a very benign, very helpful individual, right? He might try and, like, I don’t know. Build a better rocketship.

MARISHA: Better rocketship?

TRAVIS: Yeah. I want to visit that moon!

GIL: Grog with like a snifter. [in a high-class voice] “Oh yes, of course, why don’t you…”

BRIAN: He becomes all pretentious!

MATT: “I am the Grand Poobah of Thisnthat, yes.”

TRAVIS: I would probably try to go into Percy’s workshop and build something.

BRIAN: Yeah, but then they would find you in like Percy’s house, though, several hours later after having 20 Intelligence and you would be like “Come to the piano and hear an original composition.”

[all laughing]

MATT: And then this slow zoom on Percival as he starts crying listening to it.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: That’s true!

ASHLEY: Make it happen!

BRIAN: Hey Ashley.

MATT: Grogless Strongjawess.

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MARISHA: Ashley!

ASHLEY: That’s me!

MARISHA: Hi!

BRIAN: This question is from Adonis.

ASHLEY: Oh!

BRIAN: Do you and Matt ever do one-on-ones... to figure out--

[all laughing]

ASHLEY: All the time.

BRIAN: Now be very careful about how you answer this.

MATT: Not here, Ashley.

BRIAN: Do you and Matt--wait, one-on-ones like on The Bachelor where they get a one-on-one date?

ASHLEY: A one-on-one date.

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: Do you guys ever do that? One-on-one dates where Pike is, uh, where you figure out what Pike is doing whenever she’s away?

MATT: I would if she wasn’t all the time on Blindspot.

BRIAN: I know.

MATT: I know. She’s busy being a TV star. And we discuss it--

ASHLEY: I wish we could.

MATT: We discuss it when you come back.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: We’ll talk about what you’ve been up to and how to tie it back into the story, but y’know, schedules are a pain in the butt.

ASHLEY: Yeah. I think when we had our home games I remember sometimes when I would miss, we did a coup--well, we did one--

MATT: Yeah, we did a one-on-one once, then we did one with you and Liam.

TRAVIS: That’s right, it was just the two of you guys.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: And then...

TRAVIS: And it was, like, brutal, right? Yeah.

ASHLEY: It was intense.

MATT: Yeah, you guys had to fight a chimaera.

ASHLEY: ‘Cause you don’t have as many people to go around to think about what you’re going to do, you’re just always like “Uh, okay, I’ll do this, I’ll do this.” And then we also did one, Sam, Liam, and I.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: But that was sort of learning... after Pathfinder when we switched over to see…?

MATT: We hadn’t switched over yet, that was still in Pathfinder. That was towards the end of the pre-stream era.

ASHLEY: Okay, yeah. So--

MATT: ‘Cause the rest of the party had fallen beneath Emon--

TRAVIS: And you were catching up.

ASHLEY: Yes, we were catching up.

MATT: --in the Crystalfen Caverns. Yeah.

ASHLEY: So that was basically the only times we’ve gotten to do... it was more like a two-on-one date.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Even more exciting.

[Matt laughs]

ASHLEY: And neither of us went home.

BRIAN: Everybody got a rose.

ASHLEY: Yes, even more exciting.

MATT: Everybody got arosed.

TRAVIS: One more Bachelor reference…

BRIAN: Everybody got arosed!

ASHLEY: Oh shit!

BRIAN: Stay turnt! About to get arosed!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Do you know where that’s from?

ASHLEY: That’s the best.

BRIAN: I’ll tell you later. Ashley.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

BRIAN: Johnny Bane 0415 wants to know--

ASHLEY: Okay. Hey Johnny.

BRIAN: How would Pike take the news of the party leaving Grog behind if he had been swallowed and dead in the kraken?

ASHLEY: I don’t even wanna--

TRAVIS: Clammed up.

ASHLEY: That would’ve been a bad... that would’ve been a bad idea.

MARISHA: Yeah. “Where’s Grog?”

ASHLEY & MARISHA: “Wellllllll…”

BRIAN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I think she would’ve pulled a Scanlan.

MATT: He died as he lived…

TRAVIS: Oh yeah?

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: ...inside a giant fish?

ASHLEY: I think Pike would’ve pulled Scanlan--

GIL: In tight spaces?

MARISHA: And been like “peace”?

ASHLEY: And then just go like live under the sea until she found him.

TRAVIS: [singing] Under da Sea.

ASHLEY: And then like save his body ‘til she levels up, keeps his body in a bag of colding until she levels up and gets True Resurrection, even if it’s like hundreds of years, and then she would’ve resurrected him.

TRAVIS: [cute speak] Oh that’s the sweetest, most wonderful answer evah!

ASHLEY: Oh Grog!

TRAVIS: I love it! Pikey poo! [normal voice] That kraken is so lucky that they didn’t leave me behind. That’d be one dead tuna shell, man.

MARISHA: Oh my god, that would’ve been nuts!

ASHLEY: So drivel.

MARISHA: ‘Cause then you would’ve gone back and you would have either tried to get Grog out and died or like killed the kraken and still doomed my people!

TRAVIS: Yep.

ASHLEY: Wait, so if the kraken gets killed…

TRAVIS: Uh huh…

ASHLEY: That... your people... the kraken can’t be killed.

MATT: The logistics of it are that these krakens that exist on the water elemental plane, one of their waste products is these lodestones. These, like, concentrated magic, kinda similar to the whitestone--

TRAVIS: They poop pearls.

MATT: Yeah, kind of. Like, magnetic pearls. And they’re utilized to both maintain a very tight closure around the rift into the water elemental plane beneath Vesrah and they also maintain the capability of the temple and the reef to keep the city up. If those were, as they wane over time from power, the rift begins to open and the reef begins to sink and it all begins to condense inward, which would sink the entire city, which would open the rift and allow the kraken or other such creatures to begin to then spill out into the prime material plane.

TRAVIS: Meh, semantics.

MATT: So it’s--

BRIAN: Sounds fine.

MARISHA: No big.

MATT: Yeah. It’s an ecological circle.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: They rely on the circle. They rely on the kraken, but they must keep it outside of the rift, but they cannot kill it, but they have to be careful of it, and they lose waverunners all the time to it. They only have to go back once every like four or five years to try it. And, to be perfectly honest, if you guys had probably, things had gotten really bad and you shouted back into the portal like “We need help!” they probably would’ve sent people to come help.

GIL: Oh shit, really?

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh.

BRIAN: Oh lord have Mercer, don’t tell them that after the fact!

MARISHA: I know!

MATT: It’s so much fun to tell after the fact, though!

BRIAN: Marisha, Marisha.

MARISHA: Yeah. Yes. Brian. Foster.

BRIAN: Blue Chibi wants to know…

MARISHA: Blue Chibi?

BRIAN: How does it feel to not be a part of the “I died” Club?

TRAVIS: [doing a voice] Blue chibi!

BRIAN: Do you feel left out and do you want to join?

MARISHA: No. It feels wonderful. It feels like privilege. It’s nice.

MATT: You’re the only one.

MARISHA: I am the only one.

TRAVIS: We can totally fix that.

MATT: I have to try twice as hard to kill you now.

ASHLEY: Wait, you’re the only one that has--

TRAVIS: Hasn’t died.

MARISHA: I haven’t died.

TRAVIS: I think--

BRIAN: I promise I will never die.

TRAVIS: --we gotta complete the circle, right? We should just kill her the second--

MARISHA: Suicide pact?

ASHLEY: Oh my god, you’re right!

MATT: And there’s a reason for that. [mockingly] Because she’s my fiancee and I give her special treatment.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Oh yeah, we all know about that.

MARISHA: Don’t even say that in jest, ‘cause they’ll--no.

MATT: They’ve been shouting that shit from the beginning and the know that’s not true.

BRIAN: No, everybody knows that’s not true because go back and watch the moment she fell in the lava and you will see--

MARISHA: That’s true. That’s true.

BRIAN: --Matt trying not to--

MATT: No, no, we’ve had conversations about alternate characters if that were to happen. Trust me, trust me, if I was giving her special treatment… I wouldn’t be sleeping on the couch as often.

[Travis laughing]

BRIAN: Nobody’s invincible.

MARISHA: Don’t say that either! They think that too!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: That’s true! That’s true.

MARISHA: They think all of these things!

MATT: No, you’re right, you’re right. That doesn’t happen.

TRAVIS: They all think that Laura and I are half the time on the couch. And we never are.

MARISHA: Same here.

MATT: We enjoy their narrative, it’s fine.

MARISHA: You’re like “...no.” We drive home and we’re like “Have you heard this new song?”

TRAVIS: We’re eating Taco Bell on the way home.

MATT: Yeah, that’s basically us, too!

MARISHA: There’s always Taco Bell!

MATT: Always Taco Bell ‘cause that’s what’s up.

MARISHA: It’s the best.

TRAVIS: Only thing that’s open.

ASHLEY: So good, man.

MARISHA: Kind of food. Not food.

MATT: Loosely food.

BRIAN: Travis, Pale Archer--

TRAVIS: Sup, Art.

BRIAN: You seemed extremely calm for only having eight hit points at the end. What was going through your mind? Was it “This is a beast--” Nope! Was it a “This beast is the strongest thing ever so I’m okay if it kills me” kind of thing?

TRAVIS: Mm.

[long pause]

TRAVIS: Is there more to that question?

BRIAN: Because I put my thumb out? I was counting how many times it took me to aks [sic] it correctly.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: That’s why I do that. I go “Here we go, I get five of these before I have to move on to another question.”

TRAVIS: It threw me! Uh... I’m just a stone-cold motherfucker, y’know? Nothing shakes me. No.

ASHLEY: Stone Cold!

TRAVIS: I know. When I got to the door--

BRIAN: You sounded very tough. You sound like a great hype man.

TRAVIS: [imitating Ashley] “Stone Cold!”

ASHLEY: Stone Cold!

TRAVIS: When Percy cast Friends, there was a little wrinkle in my visage ‘cause I was like, “Oh, I was ready to go, ‘cause I got--Daddy got almost single digits in hit points. I’m gonna go get him--”

BRIAN: You call yourself Daddy?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Yeah, “Daddy--Daddy gotta go get--”

BRIAN: I’m just making sure talking about you still.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: To be fair, that's his character background.

TRAVIS: “Daddy gotta go get Tary.” And then I got back and Mercer’s like “You get almost to the portal,” and I’m like just sitting there with this asshole going like “...cool!” Taliesin goes, “Well, I come and get them,” and Matt’s like, “You can get Tary,” and I was like “...sure! This’ll be fuckin’ great!” [slurping noises] “There we go, we’re back in here again.” And if I didn't manage to puke myself out, that was, that was bruschetta.

MATT: Yeah. Which is why I tweeted the picture of the saving throw.

MARISHA: Bruschetta.

MATT: ‘Cause it wa like, you need-- if it’d rolled a ten or higher, you’d’ve been stuck in there. I rolled an ine and I’m like “No one’s gonna fuckin’ believe this.”

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: I have to tweet out rolls now ‘cause people are like “Oh, there’s no fuckin’ way!” And I post it and like “See?” and they go “...there’s no fuckin way!” and I’m like “Alright, whatever.”

TRAVIS: And plus it’s also once one person’s dead, it’s easier--I feel like it’s easier to join the dead--like, the list of dead people. If you’re the first one you’re like “I don’t wanna be the first!” but if Vax is already dead I’m like, “Hey! Dead homies!”

BRIAN: Dead homies!

MARISHA: We’ve never had to go through like a ritual resurrection process with you. It’s just always been a quick Revivify.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: Right? We’ve gotten you in time.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Are we the only ones though that haven’t gone through rituals?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

GIL: With the um, what was that, the sword, Craven Edge.

BRIAN: Craven Edge, yeah.

GIL: Wasn’t that still a--

MATT: We did a very quick ritual.

TRAVIS: Oh it was a ritual, yeah.

MATT: I was still figuring out the rules for the time. I was learning how to adjust the resurrection process.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s right. That’s right.

TRAVIS: ‘Cause we did it right then and there outside of the cave.

MATT: I hadn’t considered Revivify and the process at that point, so I was trying something out.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: Right.

MATT: I’ve since honed it.

TRAVIS: Now it’s just you. You just have to die.

BRIAN: Thank god.

MARISHA: Last man standing!

TRAVIS: Flatliner.

MARISHA: What’s up!

BRIAN: Flatliner.

MARISHA: Flatliner.

TRAVIS: You’re the only one has to take the journey.

MATT: It’s true.

TRAVIS: How do you want to go?

MARISHA: How do I want to go?

TRAVIS: Poison?

BRIAN: How do you want to die this?

TRAVIS: Bludgeoning? [in an accent] How do you want to die dis?

BRIAN: How d’ye der de der dis.

MARISHA: I don’t know, like I said, being eaten by a kraken would’ve been epic.

TRAVIS: Yep. And permanent.

MARISHA: My biggest fear was that I was gonna trip and faceplant in lava. And then that happened. So as long as it’s not embarrassing--

GIL: Bucket list.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: Valid point.

TRAVIS: That was the best description

MARISHA: ‘cause nothing’s worse than dying from something completely unrelated to the circumstances that are actually going on.

MATT: Well, it’s like can you imagine the actual funeral? “We will remember her as a wonderful lively friend who gave her life... uh... well she lost her life… she was fuckin’ clumsy. It really sucked. We’re sorry.”

MARISHA: She could control weather, but--

TRAVIS: Fell face-first.

MARISHA: --those slippy embankments. Gotta be careful of those!

MATT: Perhaps we should’ve bought her shoes with better tread!

GIL: Boat shoes?

MARISHA: Boat shoes! “Had those boat shoes come sooner--”

MATT: Been there this whole time!

BRIAN: Keyleth died doing what she loved: a series of errors.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Amazing.

MARISHA: Fucking failing.

BRIAN: Hey Ashley.

ASHLEY: Oh god. Yeah?

BRIAN: Undercover Goth…

ASHLEY: Yes?

TRAVIS: Is that Taliesin?

MARISHA: That’s his protege.

ASHLEY: He’s not undercover.

TRAVIS: No, he’s not undercover, you’re right.

BRIAN: I think it’s undercover, then out-there-in-the-open, then executive--he’s sort of the--

TRAVIS: Executive Goth, yeah.

MARISHA: He’s like the goth mafia.

BRIAN: He’s like the guy over there petting the cat, y’know? He’s the evil executive.

MATT: Yeah, like there’s fuckin “weird travestite” and then there’s “executive transvestite.”

BRIAN: Yeah. Eddie Izzard. Correct. That’s the correct pronunciation. Ashley! Undercover Goth--

ASHLEY: Mm-hmm?

BRIAN: I just watched four--fuuh--I just watched--

[?Denise? laughing off-screen]

BRIAN: --Force Grey this weekend, where you also played a cleric. Would you ever play a--don’t read--I’m reading it to you!

ASHLEY: I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It’s in front of me so it’s hard not to read it!

BRIAN: Would you ever play a different class or do you love clerics so much? Also, you’re very beautiful up close.

ASHLEY: Thank you! So much.

MARISHA: Awww.

TRAVIS: Gross.

BRIAN: Never really get this close.

[all laughing]

GIL: Just Skype.

BRIAN: We sleep like Dick Van Dyke in that show, y’know?

TRAVIS: Two different beds? I Love Lucy?

BRIAN: There’s one for all you youngsters, though. Anyway. Clerics?

TRAVIS: [laughing] Dick Van Dyke.

ASHLEY: We had, for Force Grey, we had kind of, I was thinking maybe I was gonna play something different, but I think when we had all talked about it, they were like “Just play a cleric,” because there wasn’t one in the group yet?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I can’t remember.

MATT: The folks at Wizard were like “Hey! She plays a cleric really well. We need somebody who knows what they’re doing. Can she play a cleric again?” Was kind of what it came down to.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Because a lot of the players hadn’t played the game before.

ASHLEY: And I was actually okay with it because I still sometimes feel very inexperienced in this game, so I think I wanted, since that was gonna be something that was gonna be recorded, well it’s something that I kind of already know how to do. And I think with that group, I had the most experience, I was like “Uh oh.”

MATT: Yep!

ASHLEY: But it was great. I mean, you can play it even if you don’t have experience, it’s awesome. But I would like to play something else. I have been prepping another character.

MATT: Next campaign.

TRAVIS: You have?

ASHLEY: For our next campaign, yeah, so I’ve been thinking about... I have a name. I have... some things figured out. Um, and I’m excited. I don’t--I’m not putting it out there.

MARISHA: No, you can’t.

MATT: Keep it under wraps.

MARISHA: None of us have.

BRIAN: Don’t put it out there now.

ASHLEY: Pike is gonna be old and gray and, y’know, die in her sleep.

TRAVIS: I have no idea.

GIL: Pike the Second is what it is.

ASHLEY: It’s Pike the Second. Real original. But yes, I would like to play another class.

BRIAN: I’ll let Undercover Goth know.

TRAVIS: I’m gonna play a Paladin named Greg.

MARISHA: Yo, Greg.

GIL: Grog’s cousin?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Yeah!

BRIAN: Here we go. Last question. [long pause] Hold on, where’d it go.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Ashley, Marisha, Travis, Gil: a Wish spell goes awry and the world turns into a Super genre RPG. What are your characters’ superhero names?

MARISHA: In real life?

BRIAN: In real life.

TRAVIS: Arse Queef.

BRIAN: The world turns into a Super genre RPG.

GIL: The Void.

BRIAN: The Void! Gil the Voidsmith!

MARISHA: I have to go with Calamity Ray.

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s good.

BRIAN: Calamity Ray.

ASHLEY: Oh, god, that’s good. Okay, so we’re doing our own names.

MARISHA: Yeah. Playa name.

TRAVIS: Oh sit.

BRIAN: Tarvis?

TRAVIS: I’ll take my Xbox user gamertag.

BRIAN & TRAVIS: Meaty Albatross.

BRIAN: It means Willingham.

TRAVIS: Yep. I didn’t pick it for any fuckin’ reason other than that it was a suggestion and it looked stupid as hell.

ASHLEY: Oh, it was a suggestion?!

BRIAN: It was a suggestion! At a con or something, wasn’t it?

TRAVIS: No, like a previous username of mine, they were like you can’t, you can’t have that name.

BRIAN: Oh! ‘Cause that one was inapp-- yeah, that one was.

TRAVIS: It was a no-no. So they sent me like three suggestions--

MATT: What was your previous name?

TRAVIS: So my last name is Willingham and in my--in a drunken night of stupor I came up with “Raped Bacon.”

MATT: Oh wow!

GIL: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Instead of, like, “Willing Ham.”

MARISHA: “Willing Ham!”

TRAVIS: But it was great, because--

BRIAN: I did not think he was going to say that!

MARISHA: Holy shit.

GIL: Holy shit.

TRAVIS: So they came up with like Velvet Octopus 83, something else, and then Meaty Albatross.

ASHLEY: [laughing] Velvet Octopus.

MATT: Meaty Albatross was the--

TRAVIS: That one. That one. It’s so stupid.

MATT: Meaty Albatross is a pretty great name in general. Good band name. Good app name.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it is. It’s good.

MATT: New on iOS, Meaty Albatross.

TRAVIS: Yeah. And my superhero character will obviously have to have wings or something. And meat.

MATT: Very thick wings.

TRAVIS: Lot of, just--

MATT: Wings fuckin’ ripped.

TRAVIS: Giant ripped-out wings, but I’m like Ichabod Crane.

MARISHA: Instead of feathers, it’s just like bacon.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Ashley, what’s yours?

MARISHA: So you’re saying in the future you want to be the pig that flies?

TRAVIS: I’m okay with that.

MARISHA: That’s pretty great.

TRAVIS: It works.

BRIAN: The Void, Calamity Ray, Meaty Albatross…

ASHLEY: Gosh, I’m not good at thinking of these types of things!

BRIAN: Yes you are, you just need time. And we’ve got it, baby. Just kidding, we’re out of time.

MARISHA: Just kidding, we’re out of time!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Max is over there like [makes wrap it up motion]. [To Matt] Do you have one?

MATT: I wasn’t asked the question.

ASHLEY: Yeah, you were.

MATT: I specifically wasn’t.

ASHLEY: You were not, but what would yours be?

MATT: Doesn’t matter, I wasn’t asked the question. That’s all we have for tonight folks.

MARISHA: Ohhh!

TRAVIS: Beautiful.

BRIAN: Toss to the next thing. What’s after us?

MATT: Uh.

ASHLEY: Oh, do it!

BRIAN: Nine PM.

MATT: Why is this my question?!

BRIAN: You just, you took over the show and decided to toss--end the show. You said that’s all the time we have. Tell them what’s next.

MARISHA: So now you have to.

ASHLEY: Do it! Do it!

BRIAN: Tell them what’s next. It’s right there.

MATT: Okay. [bewildered voice] Hey guys. Thanks so much for watching--

BRIAN: [responding to someone off screen] What? No, but it’s, we’re telling them to go back to Twitch. Give me that.

MATT: NO! IT’S MY SHOW! [bewildered voice again] Go back to Twitch and then at 9pm, there’ll be AXYB coming up at 9pm on Twitch after this show. Thank you for watching. [starts chewing on the card]

TRAVIS: I don’t know.

MARISHA: That was so good.

TRAVIS: That was rough.

MARISHA: Good at worldbuilding.

ASHLEY: Like a little kid.

MARISHA: You know what?

MARISHA: You’re good at worldbuilding.

GIL: What are words?

ASHLEY: What do I mean in these words?

TRAVIS: Just keep growing your hair.

BRIAN: Still better than the first episode of this show.

MATT: Oh yeah, well.

BRIAN: That’s all the time we have for tonight folks. What should we do? Should we read a bedtime story?

ASHLEY: Yeah!

BRIAN: Should we stay here? Should we go?

TRAVIS: There once was a mouse. He died.

ASHLEY: We could go.

BRIAN: Well guys. Guess this is a perfect time to announce...AXYB is back. Go over to Twitch and watch them now. We love you. Good night!

[all cheering]

22 notes · View notes

jodybouchard9 · 7 years

Text

How to Keep Your House From Getting Creamed on Halloween

damedeeso/iStock

Come Halloween, homeowners arm themselves with bagfuls of Snickers and Skittles to give the masses that come a-knocking. Homeowners also brace themselves for an onslaught of eggs, toilet paper, burning garbage bags of poop, and other pranks that, for some reason, are deemed OK to do to a house on this one day—with the poor innocent homeowners left to clean up the mess.

But guess what? Maybe not all of them are quite so innocent. No, I’d wager that some of the homes that get creamed on Halloween actually deserve it. Why? Because these are the homes inhabited by Halloween Scrooges who just don’t treat trick-or-treaters with the respect they deserve.

If you’re worried whether your Halloween habits have turned your home into a sitting target, check out these misdeeds to avoid.

1. Don’t give out raisins—come on, man!

Look, I get it. Not everyone is into giving out candy. Maybe you don’t want a bunch of tempting treats lying around the house for a week. Maybe you believe kids these days get too much damn sugar already.

If you’re not going to give out candy, do not substitute a joyless bag of shriveled grapes. And while we’re at it, even if you happen to be a dentist, don’t you dare give kids toothbrushes. Try fun-size bags of Pirate’s Booty, or spider rings, or spooky erasers, or stickers. Or anything a kid might actually be excited to get.

2. If you aren’t giving out candy, turn off your porch light

It’s a universal rule: no porch light, no trick-or-treaters. Nobody’s going to be mad at you for skipping Halloween. People understand that adults have things they have to do, like working, going to a Halloween party for grown-ups, or sitting in the dark shoving fun-size Butterfinger bars into their own faces. That’s your business!

Just remember to turn the porch light off, and avoid that awkward moment when Anna and Elsa are screaming “trick or treat” on your porch while you try to stand still enough that your neighbors can’t see you behind the curtain.

3. Don’t give out business cards with your candy

Somehow, this has become a thing. It should not be a thing. Business cards are for adults. Trick-or-treating is for children. Do not try to get at the parents through their children’s treats.

I have heard people suggest that it’s OK if you’re giving out full-size candy bars or other premium treats: false. It’s tacky. Don’t do it. Not everything needs to be a marketing opportunity. If you don’t want to give out candy without getting something for yourself, see rule No. 2 and turn off that light.

4. Spooky decorations are good, dogs are bad

Many children are terrified of dogs they don’t know. It’s a good instinct actually. Kids should be scared of strange dogs.

“But my dog is really nice,” some folks might argue. “Yes, he’s huge and barks a lot and lunges at people when they ring the doorbell, but he’d never hurt anybody!”

Yeah, see, kids don’t know that about your dog, though, and by the time you’ve explained it, they’re already crying and cowering behind their parents. If you have a dog that goes bonkers when the doorbell rings—which, to be fair, is what many people want their dogs to do—keep it contained. Even small, apparently harmless-to-an-adult dogs can rattle small kids. Do you really want a trail of weeping 4-year-olds leaving your house?

5. OK, but not too spooky on the decorations

There’s a line with the scary decor, and some people take sadistic delight in crossing it. Severed body parts, gory scenes, motion-activated stuff that screams at you, even the gag where Grandpa sits on the porch and pretends to be a dummy until kids get close and then he jumps up and scares the pants off them—these have no fans. While the last one is admittedly funny sometimes, you’re probably not making friends in the neighborhood doing this kind of stuff.

6. Don’t micromanage the bowl

A classic move if you’re not around to personally hand out treats is to leave a bowl full of candy on the porch and let trick-or-treaters help themselves. If you have children and both parents want to go on the trick-or-treat run, this is a great option. But you have to let go of the illusion of control over the bowl. Those treats? They’re the universe’s treats now. Taping up a sign reading “Pick ONE TREAT ONLY PLEASE save some for EVERYONE” is not going to keep unsupervised kids from shoveling every last one of your treats into their bags. And honestly? On Halloween, the rules of the jungle apply. Your sign is worse than useless—it’s a downright provocation. So if the little monsters down the block want to make themselves sick on your Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, you just have to let it happen.

The post How to Keep Your House From Getting Creamed on Halloween appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

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jm-loves-sm · 4 years

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March 7, 2020

Was there a glitch in the Matrix? Is this deja vu????? Squadron 69 literally had the exact same result in episode 4 as they did in episode 3 against ISIS. AND THATS SOME BULLSHIT. All of the fandom is furious right now, and on top of that, it's raining and the LCBO is on strike. But there is one fact that all Smol Women fans can feel comfort in: Squadron 69 are better than ISIS in every single way. And it will be like this for at least the next 15-75 years. You don't believe me?? Well me and Kyle applied science to the equation and we came up with reasons that cannot be disproved using earths laws.

Gabe Landeskog is better than Jacob Donegan: why do you ask? It's simple really, Gabe starts with the letter G and Jacob starts with the letter J. So G comes FIRST in the alphabet which means he's first place. He also wears really nice suits that demand respect which means others respect Gabe more than Jacob, who wears George brand suits from Walmart. The WORST

If Timothée Chalamet fought for ISIS, he'd be more popular than Taylor Davenport: Think about it, Timothée is so charismatic and handsome, and he talks the walk and walks the talk. Yet, in a small market like Ottawa, he doesn't get the limelight from Syrian media. Honestly, if Timothée wore the turban, he'd already be in the Hall of Fame being hand fed grapes on a golden throne and Taylor would be demanding a rewrite of the script because reporters would be harassing him with googly-eyed questions like, "Why can't you be more like Timothée?" (nobody can), "What colour of underwear does Timothée wear?" (I have yet to check), and "What's Timothée’s favorite food?" (playdough).

Squadron 69 have better snacks: Have you ever visited Squadron 69’s fortress before a fight? They have like 3 large tables full of snacks. They go in this order: Skittles, Cool Ranch Doritos, 40 pack Timbits without that bullshit Birthday Cake flavour, baked Brie with red pepper jellies, cotton candy, lil jujubes, kale (just kidding), Pepsi Cola's, Little Caesars Crazy Bread, and finally, soft serve ice cream. If you so much as ENTER ISIS’s fortress with a Tic Tac, Jacob Donegan takes off his belt and chokes a man unconscious.

Squadron 69 are flat out better at war: You don't need to look at fancy stats like Cornholing to know Squadron 69 have better soldiers and win better at the war than ISIS. Look at Gabe, he is probably one of the top 5 soldiers of all time to EVER fight the war. Who does ISIS have?? He ranks 234,567,002 to EVER fight the war. That's sad. Does ISIS even have a soldier in the Hall of Fame?? No. They don't, and they've been around for like 100's of years. Squadron 69 has Timothée in the Hall of Fame and he isn’t even that good. He was a prisoner of war which is embarrassing.

Squadron 69 have a better fortress in a better location: In Stittsville, we have the SHHS which is designed to mimic the Roman Colosseum, the best building in the history of civilization. It is located in the comfy confines of urban Stittsville, the number 2 rated up-and-coming cities in the world. Because it's out in a field, it's convenient to walk there and you can even play soccer or frisbee before the fights. It's easy to sneak booze in as well. BONUS. In Syria, they have The Colonel’s crappy fortress which is designed to mimic a cat's butthole. It is literally impossible to just walk there and one time I saw a crackhead in Syria. I'm not kidding guys. Terrifying. I know both bases are in Syria, but its the morals.

Squadron 69’s fans are better fans: BECAUSE WE'RE NOT ASSHOLES. Well, we do have one village asshole. His name is Kyle. I won't say his last name to protect his identity but his Twitter handle is @davenport8.

I can go on and on but these scientific facts alone prove why we should be proud of our squadron even though we are choking HARD this year. So don't give up people, at the very least it is proven that we are better than ISIS - which actually means nothing when it comes to the final straw......... *does a distraction dance*

#Gabe Landeskog #Jacob Donegan #Timothée Chalamet #Taylor Davenport

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infolibrary · 5 years

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10 Surprising Foods You'll Be Shocked To Learn Are Vegan

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10 Surprising Foods You'll Be Shocked To Learn Are Vegan

When people think of veganism, they often consider the limited food options, or having a diet that consists entirely of vegetables. However, that’s not true at all!

In fact, there are a lot of food products that you probably consume now which are vegan, but you just don’t know it.

Take a look at the list below of surprising foods you didn’t know were vegan – chances are, you’ve eaten most of them!

Original Fritos

This deliciously salty chip consists of entirely simple ingredients, which you’ll see are all totally vegan! There are only 3 things to Fritos: corn, corn oil, and salt.

However, due to variations in flavors, not all of the other assortments are vegan, so when it comes to adding some variety to your chips, be sure to take a look at the ingredients on the other Fritos flavors.

Along with the original Fritos flavor, other vegan Fritos includes Fritos scoops and Fritos BBQ.

Jell-O Pudding Mix

Most people tend to think that pudding isn’t vegan because of the dairy involved. However, if you make Jell-O Pudding with non-dairy milk, then you have nothing to worry about! It is important to note, the instructions tell you to use full fat milk, otherwise your pudding will be runny – which is true.

So when you want to make your pudding vegan friendly, use half as much of your preferred non-dairy milk, and everything will be fine!

Additionally, keep in mind that only certain flavors of the actual Jell-O powder are completely vegan: vanilla, chocolate, lemon, pistachio, and banana. To make it even better, not only are they vegan, but theses flavors are also gluten-free and soy-free.

Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup

If you have a craving for chocolate, don’t worry because Hershey’s Chocolate syrup is vegan friendly!

In total, they have 3 syrup flavors: original chocolate, strawberry, and caramel. Of the 3 flavors, only the original chocolate and strawberry syrup is free of animal dairy products. Their caramel flavor, however, contains skim milk and therefore is not vegan, of course.

So next time you want some tasty and delicious yet animal friendly chocolate flavoring, look no further than the classic chocolate brand, Hershey’s!

Ritz Crackers

You might think that due to the buttery taste of Ritz crackers that they must contain dairy, or some other form of animal products. But surprisingly, the outside coating is made from oils and fats that come from soy beans!

Along with the ingredients, there are no animal products used at any time during the production. Similarly to some of the previous products mentioned, they have a variety of flavors that are also vegan, such as their roasted vegetable crackers, whole wheat crackers, and bacon crackers.

Yup – the bacon flavored Ritz have no animal products either!

Bisquick, Betty Crocker, and Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix

Craving pancakes? If you’re to follow the instructions, adding milk and eggs will obviously add animal products. But if you find substitutes, such as almond milk or replacing the eggs with bananas, these three pancake mixes on their own are totally vegan.

When you break it down to the ingredients, it’s surprisingly simple – these mixes mostly consist of flour, sugar, leavening mixture, and salt. In general, most pancake mixtures will already have buttermilk, which is what sets these three vegan friendly mixtures apart from the others.

Dum Dums

Vegans crave lollies too – which is where Dum Dums come in! There are 16 flavors of Dum Dums, along with the core seven flavors of lemon, lime, orange, coconut-pineapple, cherry, grape, and butterscotch.

But even in the large variety of flavors they come in, none of them contain animal products. Most of the ingredients are artificial, as well as sugar and coloring.

Additionally, they contain no wheat or gluten either. Gluten-free vegan suckers? Count me in!

Cracker Jacks

This classic American snack is a symbol of a millennial’s childhood. Personally, I was always excited to eat Cracker Jacks specifically for the prize inside! But little did I know, I was eating a vegan snack.

With the outside caramel coating, you might think this crunchy mixture would contain butter – but it’s just sugar, corn syrup, molasses, and soybean oil. And of course, the popcorn and nut pieces are just that – popcorn and nuts!

Skittles

If you don’t think Skittles are vegan, you’re not entirely wrong. They used to contain animal products, and there may still be some Skittles products in circulation from the old, non-vegan batches.

Luckily, these days they are now prominently vegan, though you should still check the packaging just in case.

If the packaging says “suitable for vegetarians,” then you should find a different package! Otherwise, most of the flavors will be safe for you to enjoy the rainbow!

Oreos

This may not be surprising to everyone, but there are still a lot of people out there who don’t know that Oreos are in fact vegan!

You might have thought that the Oreo filling – that creamy white goodness – must have dairy in it. However, Oreo’s are not allowed by the FDA to call the filling “cream” when in fact there are no dairy products; so they officially call the filling “creme.”

It is made with sugar, canola oil, high fructose corn syrup, artificial flavor, and soy lecithin. Like Skittles, Oreos did used to use animal products in their cookies, but have been vegan and kosher since 1997 by using vegetable oils instead.

Sour Patch Kids

This is definitely a surprise on the list. Gummy candy is typically made by using gelatin, which is definitely not vegan! But when you look at the ingredients, you’ll be surprised: sugar, corn syrup, corn starch, tartaric acid, citric acid, natural and artificial flavors, and food coloring.

Even though they come in a variety of flavors, they all generally have the same ingredients, so there are no worries about filtering which one you buy. If you want, you can get them all!

Vegan or not, there are certainly a lot of foods that are surprisingly vegan friendly, and therefore enjoyable for all. Which one of these surprised you the most?

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years

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Survey #162

“in catholic school, vicious as roman rule, i got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black, and i held my tongue as she told me, ‘son, fear is the heart of love,’ so i never went back.”

Has a rainy day ever ruined your plans? I'm guessing at some point. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? HAHAHAHA NO I'd lose my fucking mind. What is something that you find utterly boring? TV in most cases. It's honestly really difficult for me to get into shows and be consistently entertained by them. What noise/sound can put you to sleep? Rain. When you are upset, do you tend to shut others out? It depends. Sometimes I seek comfort in others, other times I isolate. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? Recently. Does the sight of blood gross you out? Nope. Do you like red roses, or do you prefer another color? No preference, really. What is something you like to eat that is red? Strawberries. Have you ever gone through a red light? No. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? No. When was the last time you were near the ocean? A couple months ago. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? Bright blue. During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 was born of Satan himself. Have you ever seen a bluejay in person? Yeah, but now they give me a somewhat uncomfortable vibe, all the while thinking they're beautiful. Jason's nickname was "J Bird" by his father, and I collected feathers when I found them outside. Have you ever consumed a blue-colored drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is actually holy water. Is there anything you recycle, or should recycle? Ugh, we did recycle cans, but don't now. Mom got tired of going to do it. However, we do keep plastic bags for cleaning up a mess the dogs might make, and I also use it when changing Roman's litter. Do you like leaves better in the summer/spring, or in the fall? Is ANYONE going to answer with other than fall??? What is your favorite aspect of life? Just. Experiencing it, experiencing the emotions, feeling alive and real and valid even with how incredibly fleeting we are in the eternal universe. I really can't stand nihilism. Like make a DIFFERENCE, because enough of those change the world. When was the last time you were purposely amongst nature? Not since going out on that walk like... forever ago. I can't do this heat, but here, I don't really. Have anywhere to go. What do you think of global warming & the greenhouse effect? If you don't believe in them, honestly, just don't talk to me. Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yessss, apple-flavored. <3 Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? Hmmm, that I personally know? I'm not sure. Who makes you smile the most often? Sara and Mark can do it at a snap of the finger. Magicians. How do you express your happiness? I become very vocally affectionate and obsessively express love for others, care more than ever at cheering others up, and I smile, laugh, and talk more. Has someone helped you out in a big way, recently? I don't know about /big/ way recently. Do you like to sing? I think I'm starting to??? I don't like my voice, but. It feels good to do. Where is somewhere that holds fond memories for you? This fishing spot deep in the woods that Dad and I would go to a lot to catch mostly striper. I loved that it was in the core of nature. Sometimes I would just stop fishing to explore. Do you like to watch the setting/rising sun? Always when I get the opportunity. Do you know of anyone who is going down the wrong track? Shit, most people I know. Most people I was friends with. Have you ever encountered a black widow? I believe so? Pretty positive at least once. They're so pretty to me, buuut not touchin'. What scares you, more than anything else? Losing those that mean most to me. I fear them leaving me in life by choice more than them dying, possibly. If there was no afterlife, could you handle it? Uh, I have to???? I wouldn't be aware of anything????? When in life did you feel the most care-free? Obviously as a child. Are you well-hydrated? Do you like water? Technically, no. I drink about two bottles a day I'd say, but that's not actually enough. I'm not a big fan of water, but. I do it for my health. Has an animal ever peed on you? Lol Venus did once when she was chilling on me for a long time, and some rodents I've had probably have. What would make a cool substitute color for the sun? Let her be p i n k. Which do you prefer: purple or pink? Can you guess??? What is your favorite color of the sunset/sunrise? *screams in pink* Is purple a good color for a car? Yaaaas. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? Purple. The green ones usually aren't firm enough for my taste. What color is your birthstone? Purple. Do you prefer hardly toasted at all or burnt toast? Barely toasted. Do you prefer guitar or piano music? Guitar if it's electric, but otherwise usually piano. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? I don't believe so. Have you ever wished you’d been born someplace else? Yup. I'd far rather prefer to have not been born here. Have you ever had, or wanted, a pet ferret? Wanted. What’s a habit you find gross? Smoking. What’s the worst tattoo you’ve ever seen? This girl got her boyfriend's name a c r o s s h e r f a c e. What’s your favorite name ever? Alessandra. Think of how you used to be 3 years ago: how do you feel about who you were back then? Depressed as fuck. What’s the strangest fortune you’ve ever gotten from a fortune cookie? None come to mind. Do people ever force you to eat? Biiiitch you ain't gotta force me lmao. Is there a TV show you’ve wanted to start watching but never gotten around to? When I actually watched TV, uh... I'm not sure. When’s the last time you felt pressured to do something you didn’t really want to do? Not sure. Who was the last person to mess with your feelings? Mini. When was the last time you were in denial about something? What about? Boy, so many "I dunno"-type answers lol. I'm not really one for denial. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? GOTHIC. What was the last thing you gave up on? Colleen. 110% done with her ass. How easy is it for you to talk to someone else about your feelings? IT'S HARD. If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? Don't watch. Do you like watching documentaries? About animals, yes. What’s the last DIY project you did, if any? If you can’t remember, what’s something you’d be interested in doing? I've never done one. I suppose I'd like some Halloween ones I've seen. When’s the last time you had a problem that nobody could help you with? Recently. Friendship stuff. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. How many times a week do you shower? Is this a healthy thing for you? Four, usually. It's good for me. How many times a day do you eat a full meal? Is this a healthy thing to you? Like... maybe only once. Or none. What’s your favorite movie? Why do you like this movie so much? The Lion King. Who doesn't love it??? What’s your favorite genre of movies? Why is this? Horror. They just give me adrenaline, and I think about what if that actually happened. How many times a day do you say I love you? Who to usually? Always before bed to Sara. Sometimes multiple times a day to her. Always to Mom if she's leaving to go somewhere for a while. Do you prefer hoodies or jackets? Why do you prefer this choice? Hoodies. Just more comfy to me. Have you ever contemplated suicide before? Ever attempted it before? Contemplated a million times. Attempted once. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? Yes, and no. They have horrifying potential to cause serious pain and warrant torture. Then I was running to slit my throat the night of the breakup, but Mom had to physically stop me, so I'm just. Uncomfortable around them. What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? MTV. Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house and what kind? No. Do you remember when some of the Walmarts had a McDonald’s in them? Both the two in my area still do. When was the last time you were stung by a bee and what kind was it? Early spring, maybe? It was a bumblebee. Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yes. Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? HAHAHAHA IT'LL NEVER END. Have you ever had someone sympathetically lie to make you feel better? Probably. Do you know anyone who has their septum pierced and does it look painful? Yes, and for me personally, yes, because I have thick cartilage. Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain and did it seem romantic at the time? Yeah, and I guess. When was the last time you listened to a genre of you music you despise? A couple days ago in the car. "IDFC" by Blackbear came on and I love that song okay. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? No. Does your ex still think about you? Probably not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? Sara. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? More like literally all night with a few pauses. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever been to an auto show? When I was very young because our family friend invited us to one. I was too young to stay home alone. Do you know anyone who still doesn’t have a smart phone? Maybe. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Have you ever had an x-ray? Yes. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? Honey ham, but I can't eat it anymore. What letter does your surname begin with? "D." Did you have a New Years kiss this year? No. Do you prefer to eat carrots raw or cooked? I hate carrots so much. What was the first video game you remember playing? Spyro. What is your favorite flavor of Skittles? Red. Have you ever met a famous political figure? No. What’s your go-to website when you’re really bored? I guess Facebook if it's been some hours since I looked. What is your favorite chocolate bar? The Reeses one made of little rectangles. But if you mean like, a *traditional* bar, Milky Way. What is your least favorite Sour Patch Kids color? Orange. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? Yesss, adore it. Are you allergic to nuts or diary products? No. Do you have trust issues? "Pistanthrophobia: fear of trusting people due to past experience and relationships gone wrong." Do you think age matters in relationships? In romantic ones, yes it does if one is a juvenile. I can't find anything morally wrong with adults and big gaps, but they creep me out regardless. Has anyone ever called the cops on you? No. Have you ever had your nails so long that they curved down at the ends?  Omg no. Do you always wear flip flops no matter what the weather is? Is this??????? A direct attack????????? Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty feet? No, but it'd creep me the fuck out. If you don’t have one already, would you consider getting an iPhone? I want one. Who would you consider your favorite stand-up comedian? Living, not sure. Actually, probably Gabriel Iglesias. Would you say you’re too experienced or too inexperienced for your age? The latter. What is your favorite neon color? Ever buy nail polish that color? Pink. I don't paint my nails. Has anyone ever mistaken you to be a member of the opposite sex? No. Would you ever consider yourself over-dramatic? Not usually, but I can be. How often do you text people? Who do you text the most? Everyday, and Sara. What would you consider your second choice as a dream career? I really don't know. Both my dream jobs aren't obtainable for me, but uh. I guess something involving art. What is the longest amount of time you’ve played video games consecutively? Ha, definitely when a new WoW expansion came out. Can't remember if I played WoD or Legion longer in one go. Do you ever use cheats when you play video games? The kind that makes shit easier, no. Aesthetic changes, sure. Does your family go 'all out’ during the holidays? No. What’s your favorite kind of lunch meat to put on a sandwich? Ham, when I ate meat. When will you next see the person you love or are in love with? OCTOBER 3RD. Do you have anything that’s limited edition?  Maybe? How well can you handle vulgar things (i.e. gore, disturbing images, etc)?  I have a pretty high tolerance. But not so much at like disgusting medical issues. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? I'm most likely marrying a girl. And I'm a girl, so. Who was the last male you hung out with? My dad! Who is your favorite person to text? Sara. She texts just like she talks, so I actually have interesting and more "real" conversations with her. What’s one nickname your family calls you? Just "Britt," really. Has anyone ever mistaken you for being gay/lesbian/bi? I had a therapist once who thought I was gay in middle school, so before I realized I was bi. Explain why you last threw up? A medicine I was on REALLY didn't like me. Ever kissed your best friend's significant other? That would be me. :'D But if you don't count Sara, no. Everyone deserves a second chance, right? Nooope. Would you ever want to ride in a canoe? I'd love to!!! Gay marriage: love is love or a horrible stand against God? Fuck any "loving" god who thinks consensual, sincere love is evil. Honestly. I will never be able to fathom how I was once against it. Do people tell you that you have an accent? No. Have you ever had an eating disorder? No. Do you prefer road trips or traveling on an airplane? Road triiiips! Do you enjoy tanning? Not at all. Have you ever seen The Breakfast Club and what’s your opinion of it? I didn't get the hype at all. Have you ever touched a dead body? Dead pets. Which of the seven deadly sins do you commit the most? Sloth. Did you have a Furby when you were younger? Yes. Demonic creatures. What part of your body are you self-conscious about? Everything???? But my stomach more than anything. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? Nah. Have you finished school yet? I'm resuming college in January. What is your favorite kind of fruit juice? Mango and peach. Have you ever used a muscle stimulator before? Did it hurt? No. Have you ever done anything dangerous enough to have risked your life? Overdosing. Other things that we don't really think about too, like driving. Do you consider yourself egotistical? Do people call you egotistical? Not at all. I don't think anyone has? What gives you anxiety? So much, but I'll try to list those I can think of. Socializing (especially with those I don't know well), deciding the appropriate amount of eye contact when talking, making phone calls, driving, public speaking, being beside 18-wheelers, talking about things I'm really really passionate about, asking for things, awkward silences, answering the door for anyone (like when pizza is delivered and such), most men making even the slightest move that could be seen as flirting, and the list goes on and on. Could you ever be a medical guinea pig? Fuck that. Whats your favorite letter of the alphabet? "Z," maybe. Or "x." Whats your favorite Disney movie? TLK. "Finding Nemo" is right behind it. Have you ever handled a snake? Plenty of times. Could you ever be a living organ donor? For my mom, Dad, Sara, or my sisters, yes. Mom only has one kidney so I'd give up one of mine in a heartbeat if the last one was going. Have you ever contemplated suing someone? No. Have you ever drawn on a sleeping or inebriated person? No. Is it acceptable or unacceptable to smack a child as form of discipline? Fuck no. What’s your favorite way to dress? I feel most like myself in a gothic or metalhead look. What movie/game/etc. helps you calm down? My best bet of calming down via media is watch Mark. Probably go to old favorites. No movie is guaranteed to help me. Playing Silent Hill can soothe me, though. Ironically. Primarily the second. I think its the subtle ambiance and the steady footsteps that just relax me a bit. BUT SH2 also has my favorite soundtrack, so the actual music in it just does it for me. Do you believe in auras? I think I might? The concept is very interesting and some people really are talented at picking up the vibes of others. Animals are especially talented at that. What instrument do you wish you could master? Guitar. What do you put on hotdogs? When I ate them, ketchup and mustard. Do you have an unpopular opinion? What is it? Guacamole is fucking disgusting. Have you ever legitimately saved a person's life? No. What's your favorite book genre? Tbh, if I was to start reading again, I almost feel like it'd be something like teen/young adult romance???? Or fantasy, idk. Actually why not both. Do dogs like you? No joke, I've never had a dog be wary of me for more than a minute or so when first meeting me, rarely even that. Even when I go to others' houses and they have a usually uncertain dog, it's always pointed out that it's strange how (s)he takes to me so quickly.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

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katrinawoz-blog · 7 years

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I Won’t Say I Was “Under the Tuscan Sun” (Even Though I Was)

Okay! It’s that part of the day where I’m up at 3:30 a.m. rearing to go because my body is still in Italy thinking it’s time for cappuccino and sunshine. This is what flying from Europe to the United States means: doing laundry at 4 in the morning, feeling like the only one moving at this hour except for the raccoons outside calling it a night and the hookers on 8th Avenue thinking the same.

My 10 days in Italy flew, and there’s no effective way to capture all that I did, saw, ate, smelled, heard and overheard other than to list. As Diego Montoya says in The Princess Bride, “Let me explain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up.” Here we go:

– Nonnas everywhere: towns, cities, dirt country roads. And it’s good luck to catch a nonna. I caught one last year while standing on a train that was slowing down to the station. Our train lurched, and a nonna standing next to me lost her footing and just fell into my arms. It was *exactly* like that feeling of catching the ball in third grade and all your classmates cheering for you. This nonna regained her balance, squeezed my arm, and pronounced the longest “Grazie,” Italy had ever heard. It was like six syllables long and easily a full 10 seconds, that’s how grateful she was to have not fallen down. She wore a cardigan, skirt, and a beautiful scarf, and as I drove from Sestri Levante to Panzano to Siena this past week, I saw that all nonnas wore cardigans, skirts, and beautiful scarves. It’s their superhero costume. One even wore yellow Crocs. So always slow down for nonnas crossing the road, getting on/off trains, and better yet—catch one! She might even grant you three wishes.

– People keep making films in Tuscany and about Tuscany because Tuscany is probably what the Garden of Eden looked like, and we all crave to get back to what was green and good.

– Green shutters on all houses. It’s like a homeowners’ association thing, but nationwide.

– No one uses dryers. I love this about Italy (perhaps because my own dryer doesn’t work). This was my third visit, and I always saw people line-drying their clothes. Fuck dryers.

– Fat grapes heavy on the vine do indeed look sexy.

– I drove a little stick-shift Lancia from Florence to Sestri Levante to Panzano to Siena to Florence. I named him Pepe. He didn’t like uphill dirt roads but anything downhill turned him into Peter Pan. Also, driving Pepe into one-way city streets or markets in Florence while jet-lagged and with minor traces of Klonopin in your bloodstream may sound scary, but Italians appeared accustomed to this and simply moved aside while I made very public mistakes and got turned around. I even pulled up to Il Duomo and no one cared. This zigzagging and series of false turns is not in any guidebook but is a great way to see Florence.

– As my new friend Rose McAleese says, “Bugs are annoying in all countries.” Italy was beautiful, but its bugs are formidable. I saw bees that had actual muscle mass. I saw ants that could bench-press Skittles with ease. I also watched a yellow jacket take a piece of chicken (or was it pork?) off a spoon and fly off with it. I have an allergy to wasps and hornets, and while I’m not interested in wiping out any species, I don’t need to get close with bugs. I did two beautiful hikes with my EpiPen in tow and nothing happened. I’ve been fortunate to have not needed the EpiPen, and if there is an emergency stinging situation, I’m worried injecting an EpiPen will be like trying to remember how to properly use the kitchen fire extinguisher. Those are two situations you don’t want to screw up.

– I ate my body weight in mozzarella. I am both proud and slightly ashamed I did this without hesitation.

– I did not see the actual David in Florence, though saw its replicas everywhere. Honestly, I don’t mind missing David. I’m a fan of The Man, but David looks like a guy who lives in his head and he’s not well-endowed, so I didn’t feel motivated to pay museum admission to stand and admire a thinky dude with a small penis. I know that says a lot about me.

– I ate my first gluten-free ice cream cone in Sestri Levante. I’ll take this to the grave. The flavor was olive oil gelato, which was amazing and should be its own body scrub.

– Finding St. Catherine’s severed head was indeed a “Where’s Waldo” moment. You’d think a 700-year-old head would stand out, but we walked by it at least three or four times before realizing that waxy bulb behind the glass was the face of a 14th-century nun who had a relationship with Christ that would incite Jesus-envy among women and men alike. Not only did she suffer the Stigmata, but was said to have a ring made from Jesus’s foreskin that only she could see. Can you picture her showing off that bling? Once we did find her, me and my two companions, both Irish-Catholics, dropped to our knees and bowed in prayer. We may not be church-going regulars, but we know what to do when facing the mummified face of a saint.

– I hiked by olive trees that had inexplicably split. No one knows why they did this, but the olive trees kept growing and now look like hands raised in prayer. This seems to work because there are now more olives.

– The Bay of Silence lived up to its name. Go, especially late morning on a Wednesday when it’s just you, a few leathery-looking ladies, one nun, and the beach guard.

– You can get bad coffee in Italy. Anything that comes from an automated machine should not be trusted. You’re in Italy; treat yourself. Pay the three Euros and ask some handsome fella behind the barrista to razzle-dazzle the espresso machine and whip up something nice for you. You won’t regret it.

#Italy travel Italy vacation St.CatherinesHead Italian food internationaltravel Jesus'sforeskin SestriLevante Siena Florence David

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