#also if this sounds like i'm trying to start an argument im sorry i just wanted to share my opinion
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flinch
summary: you flinch during a fight with eddie
pairing: eddie x female!reader
cw: angst w a fluffy ending, thoughts of abuse
word count: 1.5k words
a/n: wrote this v quickly so it’s not really proofread or anything. i could’ve done it better but i’ve been soo busy :/ might rewrite later
masterlist
i do not consent to having any of my works republished, translated, or posted to any other site except here. if you see my works anywhere but tumblr, it has been republished without my knowledge, consent, or permission.
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you were in eddie's trailer, wayne had just left for work 10 minutes ago, and already you were in some silly little fight with eddie which you didn't expect to escalate how it did
"it's just sometimes guitar players think they're better than everyone else" you stated and eddie rolled his eyes, taking it as a personal jab to his skills
"okay but they almost make the band" he responded from the kitchen, hearing the clank of dishes as the water ran from the faucet
"okay but most of the time they are just assholes who just care about the sex, drugs, and rock n roll life style" you shrugged
"so you think i'm an asshole?" he responded back with a sharp tone and you shook your head
"no i'm talking about the people like mick mars who are so doped up and sleep with hundreds of women and just act like a douchebag" you said with a matter of fact tone
"well it kinda sounds like you're implying that i'm going to turn out like them" he snapped, turning off the water and drying his hands
"no! god no, i'm not saying that! i'm saying once in the spotlight, most people turn into assholes like that" you said, trying your best to stay calm
"so once my band makes it big, you're what- just gonna leave since you think it'll happen to me?" he questioned, turning the corner to meet you in the living room
"of course not! why would you say something like that?" you asked with a louder tone
"well it sounds like that's what you're expecting!" he said, starting to shout
"im not expecting it to happen!" you said, your voice growing to match his
"yeah well i'm pretty sure those 'friends' of yours think it will, they already think i'm in a satanic cult about to sacrifice you" he told you with a sarcastic growl, grabbing some extra dishes he found on the small table to put in the sink
"what the fuck is that about" you asked confused, remembering the party in which you two had met up with a couple of your girl friends but failed to recall them talking about that certain subject
"yeah you didn't hear what they said? we were at that party at steve's house the other night, and they started talking about how i'm some trailer trash wannabe rockstar" he angrily said, flipping on the water to keep working on the leftover dishes from the previous night
"okay first off, i never heard them say anything like that! second, why were you even hanging out with my friends if i wasn't there?" you rebutted, questioning him
"because i was trying to be a caring boyfriend and find you since robin said you looked a little too drunk and i didn't want you to hurt yourself" he snapped back
the volume of the argument kept escalating, which brought knots to your stomach. you hadn't really had fights with eddie and now that you're in one, you badly wanted to go back to how it was
"well i'm sorry i was trying to enjoy myself at the party but also i have never heard them say anything like that before in my life" you told him, starting to pace around, not knowing what else to do
"oh great and now you're defending them, what- do you agree with them?" he asked as you started to pick up empty cans and put them in the bin
"i do not agree with anything they said! but i've known those girls for a good few years now and i know they wouldn't say that about anyone" you tried and he laughed, putting his head down
"you are unbelievable!" he screamed and that's when you didn't care if you started yelling, the anger bubbling up inside you
"oh really so you want to talk about what friends have said about us? okay, well remember that time we were at the hideout and your friend hank said that he liked your other girlfriend before me better and was annoyed that you're whipped for some girl who was less pretty than she was!" you screamed, tears pricking in your eyes
you remembered that moment all too well when hank mentioned how much prettier eddie's ex girlfriend was, and your heart sank but you laughed it off, coming up with some smart comeback to brush off the pieces of your shattered confidence
"that was a joke! you even laughed!" eddie rebutted, slamming a cabinet door shut. you flinched at the loudness of it but he didn't see with his back turned to you
"i only laughed because i was uncomfortable! i didn't know what else to do!" you said, wiping away a tear that fell down your cheek
eddie angrily stomped out of the kitchen to his room and you followed, blinking away tears
"and i also don't exactly remember you defending me and telling him off!" you screamed and he turned to look at you
"because i didn't know you were uncomfortable!" he screamed back, looking around his desk for something
"well you should know from common sense that anyone hearing that would not find it amusing!" your anger was consuming you as you watched eddie throw a shirt from his desk to his bed
"well i guess i'm just not a very good boyfriend then!" he said throwing his arms up in the air
you stepped back, bringing your arms up in a defensive stance as your head turned, somehow expecting there to be an impact from his hand
eddie realized what happened as he stared at you with wide eyed and you slowly moved your head to look at him with your arms still up
you moved your arms down as eddie just stood there in shock, and you moved to wipe a couple more tears of frustration from your face
"y/n... did you think i was going to hit you?" he asked softly, a huge change in tone from what you previously were hearing, his stance deflating
you gulped put a small "no" not wanting him to think that you'd think he'd do such a thing. you knew he would never, but it was a natural reaction that you instantly regretted
"baby i..." he trailed off, taking a small step forward towards you. you didn't move back which he took as a good sign
"you know i would never ever do that to you, right?" he asked, taking another small step forward and putting a hand on your arm which was intertwined with your other arm, folded across your chest
"i know..." you muttered out, moving your head to look away from him, keeping your arms crossed
"can i please hold you?" he asked gently and you nodded, slowly moving your body into his open arms as he wrapped them around you, engulfing you into a giant bear hug
a few more tears fell down as he held you close to his body, and you leaned your head into his chest
"i'm so so sorry for yelling and getting mad, and i'm sorry i didn't defend you when hank said that bullshit, i love you so so so much" he spoke softly, his hand coming up and gently placing it on the back of your head
“and i want you to know that i promise you i would never hit you or do anything of the sort, i’m so sorry you thought that” he said with a shaky voice
"i'm sorry too," you started to apologize, feeling guilt run through your veins from not defending him earlier, and for reacting the way you did
"i didn't realize they said those things, and i know for a fact you aren't going to end up like mick mars or nikki sixx or any of those drug abusing rockstars, well maybe only with the level of rock n roll fame part, not the drugs" you joked with a sniffle
"and what about the sex?" he said with a chuckle, and you moved your body to face him, wrapping his arms around his waist and you moved your eyebrows up in a surprising way, pushing your head back in slight confusion
"you know, sex, drugs, rock n roll- they're a package deal... and obviously there's gonna be no drugs- well okay maybe weed, then a huge amount of rock n roll fame... what about the sex?" he joked making you smile with a small giggle
"well maybe, only if you'll still love and want me when you're big and famous" you told him with a small laugh, a smile growing on his face
"oh baby i will always love you and want you for the rest of my days" he said sweetly before leaning in and giving you a small kiss
when he pulled away he looked into your eyes, a hand moving to the back of your neck
"then show me how much you mean it," you said with a small smirk as he pulled you in for another kiss
he leaned in, kissing you passionately, his tongue fighting with yours as you moved you hands to slightly scratch down his back
"i- love- you" he said between breaths as he continued to kiss you, and you knew he really meant it
fin.
#stranger things#eddie munson#munsons-melody#steve harrington#dustin henderson#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson angst#eddie munson x you#eddie stranger things#eddie munson headcanons#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x female character#eddie munson x fem!reader
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Hey! please could you write a Neteyam x reader?
The reader has always been seen as ‘one of the boys’ and Neteyam treats her as a friend. She becomes fed up of Neteyam not noticing her as a woman so she decides to act feminine or flirty. Neteyam notices her change in demeanour and how she attracts attention of another male which causes him to be jealous. This causes an argument which leads to a confession and maybe a little smut.
❥ a/n: i hope this turned out the way you wanted! im not good with smut so it was little ik im sorry !! also grace is alive here bc theres mentions of her school
Neteyam has always been apart of your life, you grew close to him and he grew close to you. Not in the way you think though, you grew close to him in the romantic sense, he grew close to you in the friendly sense.
You've always been with him, when he'd go hang out with the boys, you'd come as well and nobody ever minded. After all, you weren't a girl. You were part of them.
You actually hated it.
You hated that everyone including Neteyam thought of you as one of the boys.
You weren't.
You didn't care if everyone thought that, what really mattered was Neteyam. And it angered you how he didn't think of you as an actual girl.
You were sick of it, and you noticed things about yourself. You always wore something over your tops, you never really did anything to make yourself look better.
So you changed that, you made new tops, tops that really focused on your features, you braided your hair differently, and changed the way you spoke, you began speaking in a soft and feminine voice.
The only reason you really wore a long top was because of the one time you didn't, where Neteyam made fun of you and the fact that you looked like a girl, and you stopped wearing it so he can stop
But this time, you didn't care, you didn't even know why he used it as an insult.
When you first left your home looking the way you did after you changed yourself, you didn't notice the amount of eyes that were set on you.
Neteyam was with his friends, talking and waiting for you before they all went quiet
"Damn" One of them said before you approached them
"Hey guys" You smiled, talking in a soft voice
"Why do you sound like that" Neteyam said
"You look like an actual girl" Another guy said
"Uh, thanks?" You said and they all laughed, Neteyam didn't though since there wasn't anything funny
Were they laughing to please you or something?
"Uh, y/n, wanna walk with me to school?" Al'oktan asked
"Alright" You said, and everyone stared as you walked with him, Neteyam just glared and went quiet
It started becoming like this all the time, boys would talk to you, walk you home, try to impress you. But what bothered Neteyam the most was what you were doing.
Why the sudden change? You were fine the way you were before.
You completely changed, and it annoyed him.
What really snapped him, was when he was with his friends
"Neteyam" Al'oktan said
"What" Neteyam answered
"Do you think anyone asked to court y/n?"
Neteyam froze, was he going to court you?
The other boys answered for Neteyam, and he just made up some excuse and left them.
He went to find you and rolled his eyes when he saw you with another guy
"y/n" He said, and they both turned to him, "we need to talk"
"Um, okay...I'll see you later" You told the guy, he just glared at Neteyam and walked away
It was quiet for some time, he just kept staring at you
"What's going on?" You asked
"What are you doing." He said
"What?" You responded, confused
"Why are you acting like this"
"Like what, exactly?" You nervously chuckled
"Like this, y/n!" He yelled, "The weird change in voice, the revealing outfits, the hair, everything!"
You rolled your eyes at him, "What do you expect, Neteyam. I'm a girl" You said and were about to walk away until he pulled you back
"Don't you think I know that?" he asked
"No actually, you don't. You always see me as one of the guys and it's annoying! I'm not, Neteyam! I'm not some guy friend you can make fun of. I actually have feelings yknow" You yelled
"You know I don't actually make fun of you"
"I don't care. Why are you so mad anyway!" you rolled your eyes again
"Because I don't like it!"
"Don't like what!"
"Everything! I don't like seeing others with what's mine." He yelled and you went quiet, he held your hand, "You are what's mine."
"What are you saying?" You said
He gently held your face, "I'm saying what you're hearing, y/n." He whispered, slowly leaning in and pressing his lips against yours
You slowly pushed him away, "Why now, Neteyam?"
"Because I planned on telling you before, but you suddenly changed and all these boys were after you and I didn't like it." He said
"Why not? I think it's sweet" You teased
"Very funny" He rolled his eyes
You smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, he melted into the kiss, your hands roamed around his hair, his slid down to your top, gently untying it
"I'll show you what's really funny, y/n" He whispered as his hands roamed down your body
man were you in for a night.
#avatar fanficiton#avatar the way of water#avatar 2#avatar x reader#avatar#neteyam x you#neteyam sully#neteyam#neteyam x y/n#neteyam x reader
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JEALOUS
pairing : damian x reader
warning : some jealousy
category : fluff
author's note : okay my exams are over ( for now ) and im writing after like a year so if there's any mistakes , forgive me. Also first time writing damian , or any dc chara so sorry if there's anything wrong. enjoy :)
parties , gathering were never your place and neither his. the league had decided to have a gathering of all heroes and as much as you would rather be in your room sleeping , there's free food here.
that's the reason you tell everyone.
If you were being honest , you still weren't gonna come but a certain recent argument with Damian , your oh so understanding boyfriend , had you in a mood of mischief. You wanted to do something to annoy him , as childish as it sounds for someone who has the status of hero , you just had to.
Initially both of you had decided not to go but then just today morning you told him you were going. you laugh when you remember the disbelief that was on his face.
" Fine. Go. " was all he said back then and you thought that would be it. He would be sulking away in his own solitude.
But he came , with that same brooding face which for a moment melted away when he met your eyes , when he saw you looking absolutely gorgeous , but it was quickly replaced by a scowl when he saw you smirking.
You knew how much he hated crowds so having him go through one was utmost peak revenge.
( he has a huge soft spot for you but he wasn't gonna concede so easily. )
He saw you the whole night talking away , laughing with your friends and the strangers that approached you. He saw how everyone hung onto every word you said and get lost in the spark in your eyes , just like he did.
" Trouble in paradise?" Jon said and smirked when Damian ignored him. Jon saw how he was glaring daggers on the people talking to you.
It was simply comical to him how big of a hold you have on Damian. So he decided to just tease. just a little.
" Oh boy did you see the way the guy laughed?? He's totally trying on her. Is it just me or is he inching towards her?? Man you gotta do something or he'll take awa-"
And that was enough to set off Damian as put down his glass on the bar and went striding off to where you were , leaving Jon smirking wide.
You were enjoying your conversation with the new people you met , but you can't lie it was getting tiring now. Your social battery was running out and maybe right now all you need is a quiet corner and him. Just the bliss of his presence.
And thankfully, you were rescued.
Damian came right in the middle of the conversation, put his hand on your lower back gently before looking at everyone else with his usual glare, although you swear you could see the anger in his eyes.
" I apologise but we need to be somewhere. " He said and started directing you away from the crowd but he stopped in between and glanced back at the guy who was hitting on you.
" Back off , 's all I'll say." His voice held a warning that only an idiot would miss and your eyes slightly widened at his outburst.
But when your eyes met with Jon who was reeling from the scenario , you joined the dots.
( OH JACKPOT )
Damian directed you in a quiet corner outside , away from prying eyes and voices. He let go of you and looked off in a distance , his brows furrowed and his upset eyes looking anywhere else but you.
maybe this was too much.
You realised in your childishness you may have actually upset your man.
You gently pulled him by his arm and made him look at you. It was like a little angry puppy looking at you and you could just die from the cuteness aggression.
" Are you mad at me?" you asked with a small smile. He scoffed and looked away again.
" No why would i be?"
" Cause you were jealous."
" I was not. "
" I never took you for the jealous type you know."
" I said i was not jealous."
You laughed and gently held his face in your hands. aww now he really looks like a puppy.
" I'm sorry if i upset you. It wasn't my intention to make you jealous."
" But it was your intention to come to the party."
" That. "
You laughed guiltily and wrapped your arms around his neck.
" Okay yeah obviously that was my intention. But you weren't talking to me at all during missions , and it just made me a bit.... annoyed. So i had to do something to make you talk." you justified, knowing you could have just maturely had a conversation with him about the argument in private.
" ....And annoy you."
you looked down in guilt but then you heard him laughing heartily. You looked up in surprise. The sight not only rare , but it melts you away. It was the most cutest thing ever , the way his face lit up , the way his lips stay in a beautiful smile.
He took a hold of your chin and pulled you close.
" If you wanted attention, "
He kissed your lips slow , his tongue exploring your mouth as his hands went from your chin to your hips , pulling you even more close. You could sense the hint of sass coming as he teased you by gently nibbling on your lower lip. He pulled away , looking at your lips , then your eyes and that shit eating grin on his face.
" You could have just asked. "
reblogs and likes are appreciated :)
#damian wayne x reader#damian wayne x you#damian wayne x y/n#dc x you#dc x reader#batfam x reader#batfam x you
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Hiii sweetheart, can u pls write smut with kanto manji or bonten Sanzu with like him being super vulnerable and hard to be with but at the same time him trying to be a better boyfriend (with fem. reader)?
Also I have a crush on ur works✋😭
❝𝙇𝙀𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙇𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏 𝙄𝙉.ᐟ❞
H. SANZU + F. READER
𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 ; haruchiyo breaks his six months of sobriety and doesn't truly understand how much it meant to you until he sees you in tears and proves to you how he's going to become a better boyfriend.
𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 ; smut, fluff, lowkey angsty, drug addiction, break of sobriety, cocaine, bonten!haru, kinda sappy, haru wants to become better for u :(, worship, unediteddd, mention of other bonten members, cheating(past), haru's literally begging on his knees for you to stay, praise, soft dom!haru, crying, past arguments, p in v, unprotected, actually sad as hell i'm sorry, petnames (baby, pretty, pretty baby, etc...), haru's depression, skin color not mentioned
marls notes 2 u(*´▽｀*) ; thank u smmmm !! i wasn't considering writing for haru cuz im his biggest hater buttt this was just sooo cute and i had the best idea for it !! ignore the header being kanto haru, i just thought that was cuterr
Haruchiyo fucked up, he knew he did. He had fucked up plenty of times before but this time, he really fucked up. Your lack of presence in you and his shared apartment proved it and all his texts being left on delivered only added insult to injury.
He would like to say that he didn’t mean it and it was an accident but he knew it wasn’t. He didn’t have to go in that club room and snort that coke but he did. He saw that white crystallized powder on that expensive ass glass coffee table and went closer, even taking the time to straighten out the line and pull out a hundred dollar bill from his pocket to snort it breaking his 6 months of sobriety. He didn’t think about what would happen if you walked in on him, he didn’t really care in the moment.
Knowing that he couldn’t just lie to your face saying it was an accident and he didn’t mean it. Not after he saw the tears glazing over your (e/c) irises that he’s gazed into too many times with the same wetness covering them with whatever he did being the reason.
“Haru…?” The sound of your questioning voice made him freeze, he stopped moving and stopped snorting the cocaine. Haruchiyo couldn’t bring himself to turn around and look at you, not when he was on his knees in his expensive ass thousand dollar Versace pants snorting coke when he was supposed to be using the bathroom. That’s what he told you when he left you in the middle of the club with Kokonoi to take a break from dancing with you and it was the truth.
Until he came across this open door. “Haru, what’re you doing?” You asked standing in the doorframe in that short dress that matched his dress suit with your hands on the side of the doorframe. You had an idea what he was doing but you didn’t want it to be a misunderstanding and get mad at him for nothing, you hoped it was a misunderstanding honestly. Haruchiyo had been sober for six months with your help and he was doing so well. You didn’t want him to throw that all away.
The pink-haired man dropped the rolled-up dollar bill onto the table that was now clean of any cocaine, only small specks were left. He rubbed his nose before turning his head toward you and his heart absolutely broke seeing the way you looked at him, with such a large amount of hope in your eyes that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t doing what you thought he was. Haruchiyo wished he could stop you from tilting your head to look at the table and see the empty Ziploc bag on the table and the rolled-up dollar.
The male sat there ashamed as you looked back at him with no words leaving your mouth. He turned his body around completely and looked at you and that’s when all the regret sunk in. He felt instant regret when he saw you staring down at him your eyes becoming watery with tears “Baby, please.” Haruchiyo started beginning to stand to his feet as he saw you beginning to sniffle “You said you were sober.” You muttered your voice breaking sadly as he inched closer.
“I was-” “were you just lying to me?” You cut him off as you continued to stare at him as tears ran down your cheeks when he reached his arms out to cup your face and wipe those tears away, you backed away like you were scared and he stood still.
He didn’t attempt to touch you again and just stared at you trying to come up with some answer that wouldn’t make you cry harder but as he thought about it, there was nothing in the world that would stop those tears “I’m sorry.” Haruchiyo pathetically said.
It was the only thing he could say but it meant nothing to you. He has said those words so many times to you over and over telling you it’d never happen again and it did. Haruchiyo didn’t mean to continue the cycle of hurting you that he created himself but when he saw those pills or white powders, it was like his body moved on its own and when they entered his system…there was nothing he could do to contain himself, he lost all control of himself and what he said to you.
Most of the time he didn’t even remember what he said and those moments were what hurt him the most. Having to hear you repeat his hurtful words back to him knowing that they were directed toward you was the worst and he hated himself for making you go through that but he always begged that you stay with him and that he would change. He was really trying to change don’t get me wrong but…it was just hard for him.
“Don’t fucking talk to me sanzu.” You said angrily shaking your head before turning around and walking away from the scene with the clack of your Burberry heels that Haruchiyo insisted that you wear because of how beautiful they complimented your skin and your dress. He loved being able to dress you up, too bad he wouldn’t be able to do that after what he had just done to you.
The long-haired man’s eyes widened as he realized your lack of presence and he leaped forward and out of the room seeing you stomping away with your hands balled into fists. “Baby please don’t go!” Haruchiyo yelled out as he ran after you grabbing onto your arm and turning you around to look you in the eye. By now his green eyes were bubbling with tears like yours were and for a second it looked like you were considering it but when Haruchiyo felt something running from his nose, your gaze changed back to anger-filled and upset.
You snatched your arm away from him and didn’t say a word as you turned back around and continued back out to the club probably to leave. He had the keys to your car but knowing you, you’d either resort to walking home or calling an Uber so that didn’t matter much.
Haruchiyo’s finger went up to his nose and he looked down seeing red thick liquid smeared against the side of his index finger. You almost stayed. You looked at him like you were considering it but that blood running from his nostril was a reminder of what he had done to himself without even thinking. You needed that reminder because if his nose hadn’t started bleeding then you probably would have stayed when you shouldn’t have.
“Fuck!” He cried out throwing his fist into the nearby wall bruising his knuckles and causing a hole in the red wall. Haruchiyo stomped back into the room that had ruined everything and began to destroy everything.
He ripped the paintings off the wall, ripped the soiled sheets off the bed, shattered the glass table, and put multiple holes into the wall from his kicking and punching all while screaming and cursing gaining the attention of the people walking past.
His hands went to his hair making a mess of his pink locks that you had brushed out in the car before you two came in. Haruchiyo breathed heavily as he looked at the now destroyed room which had taken a toll on him, his knuckles were bruised and bloody, parts of his suit were ripped from glass shards cutting into the expensive fabric and his nose was still running blood dripping it onto the expensive carpet floor and his blazer.
“Woah, what the fuck happened?” Ran’s voice asked from the hallway as he looked into the room. Haruchiyo’s head snapped back at the sound of a new voice and glared at the older man with hatred but it wasn’t directed toward him, the room, or you. It was hate directed at himself for allowing himself to do this without even thinking about what he should do or what you would want him to do.
Haruchiyo’s eyes continued to stare daggers at the multi-colored-haired man as tears continuously ran down his cheeks and wet his lengthy lashes.
“Get the fuck out.”
Since that night he hadn’t talked to you at all. No one has. Well, no one in Bonten has and he was convinced that all your friends he asked were just lying to him.
He hadn’t been to work in the week that you’d been gone, wanting to stay at home in case you came by and Mikey would be on his ass and he was but for once he didn’t give a shit about Mikey or what he said. Haruchiyo only cared about you and wanted to see you again. He had spent all of this time practicing what he would say to you so he wouldn’t piss you the fuck off even more than you were or make you end this relationship. He didn’t want it to end. It wasn’t a ‘not anytime soon’ thing, he never wanted it to end.
Haruchiyo fully intended on making you his wife and he told you this but you said that you would only agree to being his wife when he was clean and that gave him motivation. Just you gave him motivation but everything you said and did for him gave him more. It made him actually believe he could get clean but all that went down the drain with one simple look.
This wouldn’t be the first time he said he was getting clean and wasn’t but it’d be the first time he actually did get clean for a while and just spoiled it. Haruchiyo decided to get clean and stay clean after an argument you and he had when he was high. He said things he didn’t remember and when you told him, he regretted it but nothing he said made it better for you. Right then and there, he decided he didn’t want to put you through that shit ever again and that determination only increased when he remembered more of that argument and how he almost hit you.
His previous mistakes determined him too. He remembered when he cheated on you when he was high off molly and drunk and how devasted you were when you found out and how he let you down after that by getting high again when he told you that he wasn’t going to. Haruchiyo made a promise to himself that he’d get clean for you so you didn’t have to go through this with him again.
He couldn’t give less than a fuck about himself and if he destroyed his body doing this. He only cared about how he was destroying you doing this and that hurt him deeply. More than anything ever had.
Haruchiyo sat there with his head in his hands as some random K-drama played on the gigantic flat screen he had bought wondering what he should do to really prove to you that this was the last time. It was. It really was going to be the last time and he was going to do whatever it took to make sure of that but he didn’t know how to prove it to you.
You wouldn’t believe him straight off the bat after that night and every other night that was just too similar to that one and he knew that. Buying you chocolates and bears wouldn’t work. You’d love it but you wouldn’t believe him with that as he had used that tactic too many times. Haruchiyo feared that this would be the last time and not because he did it but because you left him.
You were the only person that saw the good in him and the only person that could bring out that good. The only person he actually gave a single fuck about and probably the only person to care about him and he couldn’t lose that. Not when you spent so many years with him preaching to him how you believed he could do it and stay clean and were willing to help him even after the cheating, the fighting, the yelling, the heartbreaking names he called you, the everything.
Gosh, you were a fool. You were the prettiest girl in the world and yet you settled for him and stayed with him even after finding out what a horrible person he was and the shit he did. You stayed after he cheated. You stayed after everything. How dumb were you? You could probably have any guy you wanted, even any Bonten member and you remained in a relationship with him. You were a fucking dumbass for that but he cherished that because you were the only person to stay.
But he doubted you would want to stay after what he did.
Haruchiyo ran his fingers through his hair stressfully as he leaned back onto the couch letting out a sigh but the sound of the front door beginning to unlock made him shoot up to his feet. Was that you? It had to be, no one else had come to this door except for Ran and he didn’t have a key.
When the door slowly peeled open revealing you. Still in the dress from that night, your eyes were puffy and red, and the makeup he had watched you put on was gone and you just looked exhausted. Your exhausted eyes turned to shocked and saddened when they landed on his form.
There was silence for a minute as you stepped in and closed the door behind you, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he should let you talk first or not or just not say anything at all “...I didn’t know you’d be home. Thought you were at work.” You whispered raspily looking away from Haruchiyo and at the floor as you took your purse off.
“I didn’t want to go. I…I wanted to see you when you came back.” The male said softly as he watched you look him up and down taking in his lazy attire and messy hair that had tangles and stray hairs sticking in every other direction “Did you want to see me?” Haruchiyo continued scratching the palm of his hand nervously afraid of your reply. He was afraid you’d yell at him for even thinking you’d want to see him ever again. That you’d pack your shit and leave without a word and never come back.
You didn’t stare at him hatefully, or sadly, you stared at him tiredly looking like you were just going to sigh in response “Not really.” Those words upset him but he couldn’t take that out on you because he knows that was only because of what he did wrong after he promised you that he wouldn’t.
Staring at you made Haruchiyo regret everything he did even more, you weren’t actively crying but your red eyes were a reminder that you were and probably had been crying before you came here maybe even every day after that night “I really am sorry (y/n). I am.” Haruchiyo apologized not knowing what else to say. There was no point in small talk or asking you more questions when all it’d end up in was him apologizing over and over again.
When he walked closer to you, you didn’t step back this time and just stood still which was a good sign “Then why would you? You promised me.” You asked your voice breaking as if you were going to start crying again and Haruchiyo didn’t want that. That was the thing he didn’t want the most.
He stood there watching as tears welled over your eyes once more completely silent almost as if he was ignoring you “Tell me! You owe me that haruchiyo!” You shouted startling him and smacking him out of his thoughts. He tried his hardest to come up with something that was the truth and something that wouldn’t make you upset but he reached a dead end. There was nothing he could say to you that’d make you happy and wasn’t a lie.
“I don’t know. I…just saw it and I couldn’t hold back. It wasn’t an accident. I did it on purpose and I’m sorry.” Haruchiyo didn’t even know he could apologize like that or at all until he met you. You gave him reasons to want to apologize when one was needed. You were the first light in the darkness of his life and he didn’t want you to disappear, he didn’t want your light to go out.
So he apologized after everything he did to you and that made him regret when he did something new to hurt you and have to give a whole new apology which was eventually going to lose its meaning from how he was using them and going back on them. Not very a good idea if he was trying to keep your light burning.
He saw your light flickering on and off through your teary eyes and it scared him “Please. Just don’t leave. I need you.” Haruchiyo begged growing closer to you grabbing both of your hands and holding them as he looked at you with pure sorrow in his eyes and need, need for you.
“You lied to me. Again.” You said trying to resist the urge to start sobbing uncontrollably as you continued to stare into the green pools that belonged to your liar of a boyfriend. You knew how hard it was for Haruchiyo to stay clean and you were there for him every step of the way, even when he relapsed, even when he cheated, even when he lied over and over.
You stayed because you loved him and wanted to see him get better. The only thing that was keeping you going with him was your love for him and the idea that when he got better eventually, it’d be different. Your relationship would get better as he did and you believed that. But of course, you had to know that with these beliefs and hopes, your relationship would falter and get worse every time that pill slid down his throat or that white powder shot up his nostril. You just didn’t know it’d happen so often.
“I know baby, I know but it’s the last time I swear. Please you gotta believe me.” Haruchiyo pleaded as he dropped to his knees in front of you now looking up at you through his messy strands of pink blocking his eyes as his hold on your hands grew tighter, he didn’t want to let you go and he was sure you wanted him to.
Globs of hot tears began pouring out of his eyes and down his face and red cheeks with his gaze still on you. These weren’t alligator tears, they were real. The tears only started to become real when you came along “I fucking need you. I know I fucked up and I’m sorry but please don’t leave. I’ll do better I swear. I’ll go to fucking rehab if you want me to, anything you want just…please. I’m trying.” Haruchiyo pleaded loudly his words speeding up as if he were saying it all in one breath and it appeared he was.
He was basically hyperventilating as tears dropped on the floor and your heels. You didn’t want to give him another chance, any person with a brain wouldn’t and would just dump him but looking at him crying, begging for you to take him back just broke your heart and you’d break his even more if you didn’t give him another chance. You wanted to believe that Haruchiyo would get better even if there was a chance he’d ruin you and himself in the process.
Your hand came to his cheeks wiping the tears off his face as he sniffled, snot running down his nose like the scarlet red liquid that was doing the same days ago “Haru, I won’t leave.” You said and his eyes brightened at the statement, his arms instantly wrapped around your legs and he hugged you closer as more sobs left his throat but your hand came to his forehead and pushed his head away so you could look him in the eye again “But this needs to be the last time. Or I will leave. You hear me?” You finished pushing his hair back so you could see his full face as he looked up at you with wide and watery eyes and his pink and chapped lips parted slightly.
He was looking up at you like you were an angel. Like you were his savior and you were. You knew this too. Everyone in Bonten had told you how soft the man had gotten for you, how he was a fucking druggie before you came along and convinced him to at least try to get clean, and how since you were in his life, he seemed happier and not crazy happy when he killed someone or did something horrible. Like pleasantly happy. Always in a good mood when he came in.
Ugh and don’t even get me started on how they’d fake vomit and gag whenever you came around to the Bonten hideout or went out clubbing with them. Haruchiyo kissing all over you, following you like you were a goddess, and to him, you really were. They had never seen Haruchiyo like that, especially considering he hated smothering people but he ended up being smothering to you and he always talked about you and how awesome you were. How you made him breakfast whenever you woke up before him, laying out his suit for him, brushing his hair for him, letting him dress you up, letting him pick the colors of your makeup. Just everything you did brightened his life and he made sure everyone knew that and everyone that knew told you every single thing that he said.
You remembered all the things Kokonoi and Rindou would tell you about Haruchiyo talking about you with scowls on their faces. ‘She’s my future wife’ ‘She’s fucking amazing’ ‘The best girl ever’ ‘Sexy ass girl’ ‘My baby’ All those things he said constantly when talking about you and that made you believe he was really going to change and that it was just hard. You were giving him one last try. One last try to better himself or you’d leave. If he can’t do it with your help, he’d probably never be able to do it.
“Yes, baby I do. I promise you this is the last time, I swear.” Haruchiyo said nodding rapidly as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He saw the hesitation in your eyes and his brows arched down, your silence was killing him just as much as your eyes were.
The pink-haired man stood to his feet face to face with you again and looked you in your eyes “I can prove it to you. I’ll check into rehab right now, I’ll quit bonten. I’ll call Mikey right now!” He stammered loudly, the mention of giving up Bonten made your eyes widen.
Haruchiyo could be killed if he left Bonten because of how much information he knew and he was willing to risk that just to prove to you that he’d really get clean this time. Your hands came to the sides of his face and you pressed your lips against his as tears ran down your face “Don’t do that. Just stay here with me.” You muttered breaking the kiss and staring him into his green eyes which were full of more love than sadness now and you were sure that yours were the same now.
Haruchiyo nodded more slowly now his hands coming to your waist “I can do that.” He said impatiently before leaning forward and kissing you again for rougher and sloppier than the first one was. He was deprived of your love incredibly and he couldn’t blame anyone but himself but now that he had it back, he wasn’t letting it go.
His arms wrapped around your waist holding you tightly close to his body as he continued to kiss you “M’ gonna make you feel so good pretty. Like you deserve.” Haruchiyo muttered in between kisses quite literally devouring you and not letting you get a single breath in. His hands didn’t go to your ass like they usually did when you two had heavy make-outs but they rubbed up and down your back comfortingly.
It wasn’t lust he was feeling, it was love, and touching you was the way he loved you. It didn’t have to be sexually touching, just the little things. His hand on your back, his lips pressing against you not leaving a single part of your face untouched, his finger trailing down your spine, his legs tangled in yours when you two lay in bed together, holding you close to his body. All of that was how he showed his love for you and not his lust and by the way he was just rubbing your back and not groping you, you knew this was love.
Haruchiyo’s hands lowered down to the back of your thighs before lifting you. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his torso after so many times of him lifting you up either because you didn’t want to walk or he didn’t want you to walk. Haruchiyo could be sweet when he wanted to and that was all the time. Well, the times he was sober.
“I’m sorry for making you cry, my pretty baby,” Haruchiyo whispered into your skin as he placed gentle kisses on your cheek, jawline, and neck while carrying you down the narrow hallway that led to your shared bedroom “It’s fine, it’s okay.” You said through rushed breaths as you held the back of his head while he continued littering kisses all over the sensitive flesh of your neck.
Haruchiyo let out a soft whine “S’ not though. I shouldn’t have did that to you.” The pink-haired man said softly as he walked through the open door of your bedroom and walked over to the king-sized bed that you both shared. The bed he hadn’t slept in since he got home from the club because he didn’t want to sleep in it without you filling in the coldness of your side and cuddling up to him.
He gently placed you on the sheets, the shocking coldness of the bed surprising you and making you flinch a bit. The feeling of the silk sheets moving against your skin with every movement you made and dip in the bed made you let out a sigh of pleasure “I missed this. I missed you.” You muttered opening your eyes again to peer at the man that was hovering over you seemingly waiting for you to open your eyes.
“You got no idea how much I missed you. Was sleeping on the couch staying up waiting for you.” The green-eyed man whispered with a whine escaping his throat and you smiled up at him as you kicked off your heels onto the floor and your feet were dangling off the edge of the bed “Show me how much you missed me haru.” You said bringing your hand up to touch his face and you saw tears start bubbling in his eyes once more at the small gesture of affection.
You’d really forgiven him. He wouldn’t have cared if you didn’t want to have sex but the fact that you did showed you believed him and weren’t still mad. You hadn’t given up on him.
It shouldn’t have been that surprising, after all, lights only stop emitting light when you turn it off or use it too much causing it to burn out but Haruchiyo was almost convinced you were getting ready to burn out.
As he worked on getting his pants off, you slid your legs up opening them widely, and sliding your panties off tossing them somewhere in the room. Haruchiyo turned back to you observing your form and letting his eyes trail down to between your legs as your dress bunched up at your hips.
He was the worst person ever. He had a girl willing to go through all of this for him, she was so pretty too, and yet she forgave him when she really shouldn’t have. Haruchiyo swore on everything he cared about which was only her that he’d get better. He’d be a better person and a better boyfriend so he could make up for all the time you had to suffer dealing with him and truly deserve you.
“Why do you love me? I hurt you so much.” Haruchiyo asked blinking back the tears as he placed his hands on your knees while he sat back on his knees. You were taken aback by his question and just stared up at him as you continued to lie back on the silk sheets but you sat up leaning on your elbows to look him in his wet eyes.
“Because I see you.” Haruchiyo’s lips parted slightly in surprise from your answer but he remained silent waiting for you to continue your explanation “I see past these…” You muttered reaching up and running your fingers over the scars that decorated the sides of his mouth “And I see Haruchiyo, not Sanzu…I know you can do better and I wanna give you the chance to.” The tears haruchiyo blinked back reappeared and quickly found their way to the tips of his long lashes and his cheeks.
Haruchiyo sniffled as he peered down at you “You’re the only person to believe that. Not even I do.” He said below his breath as his head lowered down to your collarbone his pink locks spilling all over your shoulder and chest. You reached your hand up and placed it on the back of his head comfortingly “I’ll make you. I know you can do it.” You said pressing a kiss to the side of his head comfortingly which made a sob escape from his throat as he was fully crying now.
Haruchiyo had cared for many people in his life, he cared for Mikey, and a split moment in his childhood, he cared for his sister and his brother but he stopped when he realized they didn’t care about him. His care for Mikey had never stopped but he wasn’t dumb. He knew Mikey didn’t care about him like he did. The only person in the world to care about him just as much as he cared about them, maybe even more, was you.
“I’ll do it for you. I’d do anything for you.” Haruchiyo muttered through his wails as he aimed himself up at you not even having to look, a small gasp escaped your lips as he pushed inside of you and you gripped some of his hair as he bottomed out letting out a groan as he did so.
Haruchiyo wasn’t lying. He’d do anything for you. He’d kill a thousand people for you and if you didn’t want him to do that, he wouldn’t.
“I love you.” He said as he lifted his head allowing you to see his red eyes and matching red and wet face. He squeezed his eyes shut as he threw his head back starting to thrust in and out of your warm and wet cunt but his head didn’t rest there for long because you grabbed his jaw and sloppily kissed him as you dropped back down to the sheets.
As much as you hated Haruchiyo for relapsing after promising he’d do better, you still missed him. All the days and nights you spent at your friend’s house needing time to compose yourself, you missed him and wondered what he was doing hoping your runaway didn’t make him spiral deeper into his relapse and so, you came home earlier than you were planning to and earlier than your friend said.
Your legs were basically shaking when walking up to the door in fear of what could be lying behind it; It wasn’t because you were scared that when you got home he’d yell at you because of his high, you were scared that he’d hurt himself.
It was stupid…you were more worried about him than yourself after he lied to you and broke your trust in him even after all his mistakes. But you can’t hate yourself for worrying about him because no one else was going to. The other Bonten members would simply watch as Haruchiyo killed as many people as he wanted and snorted every drug in the fucking world, all they’d tell him is to clean up his needles when he’s done if he did spiral or they’d try and call you to pick him up so the only person who cared was you so you couldn’t stop caring. Even if you wanted to.
“I love you too haru.” You said through the heated kiss your arms wrapping around Haruchiyo’s neck as he continued to thrust in and out his speed growing faster and faster with every second. He parted his lips from yours leaving you to crave more of him “I’m glad you do.” He muttered as he leaned back on his knees grabbing the back of your knees as his thrusts got rougher and sloppier with the new angle.
Tears were still streaming out of his bright green eyes which were now squeezed shut from how you were squeezing his cock “Uhn…” You moaned lightly throwing your head back against the sheets and closing your eyes letting the darkness consume you and going off only from the pleasure in your lower stomach and the sounds of your boyfriend whining in enjoyment from above you.
Haruchiyo hated this. He hated how sensitive you made him and how vulnerable he allowed himself to be around you because you accepted him with warm arms and it made it all the harder to love you knowing how horrible he’s treated you. “Ugh! Needed you so bad…” The long-haired man muttered as his fingers dug into the flesh of the back of your knees while he arched his back while hitting that spongy spot over and over not missing a beat.
Your stomach began to feel full like a balloon was in your tummy just aching, pleading to pop but it wasn’t. Just not yet.
Your fingers pulled at the back of his hair using the length of it to your advantage, his neck snapped back making his Adam’s apple pop out moving as he continued to moan probably making his vocal cords sore from how loud he was probably allowing all of your neighbors to hear him. You can’t count on both of your hands how many times you two have gotten a knock on your door complaining about the noises.
Haruchiyo tapped the side of your thigh rapidly signaling you to wrap your legs around his waist which you did as soon as he began tapping your leg “You so pretty, wanna see more.” He muttered his hands going to the end of the dress you had completely forgotten that you were wearing, it was more like a shirt now because it was bunched up at your hips exposing your entire lower half.
He slowly slid it up revealing your bare abdomen before pulling it off of you completely leaving you bare in front of you, he didn’t say anything and just stared at you his eyes windering from your eyes, your lips, your tits, your tummy and last but not least your soaking cunt that was continuously sucking him in squeezing the life out of him “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” Your face got hot at his words and you got embarrassed bringing your hands up to your face and covering it so he didn’t so the flusteredness in your eyes.
It was stupid, he was quite literally hitting your cervix right now but you didn’t want him to see how embarrassed you were at his compliments “Don’t do that. I hate that.” Haruchiyo said softly with a bit of a mean tone, he grabbed your hands, and yanked them away from your face allowing you to see the frown he had on his lips, his forehead crinkled and his brows creased while he looked down at you.
“I hate when you do that, I love to look at you.” He said intertwining his fingers with yours and pining your hands beside your head, you didn’t respond as a very rough hit to your cervix sent you screaming and arching your back into the air “Haru!” You moaned shamelessly digging your nails into the back of Haruchiyo’s hands. Your moans were like music to his ears especially because he was the reason you were making those pretty noises.
The fair-skinned man leaned down with his hips slowing their once fast pace, he started to litter kisses all over your jaw and your neck biting down lightly making small teeth marks in your skin.
His swollen lips continued their work marking up your neck and coloring it purple “I love you, baby, I love you so fucking much!” You moaned out quickly as you breathed heavily feeling that balloon grow more and more with the teasing thrusts he had, going slow and slower and then breaking his rhythm with a rough hit to your cervix slamming his hips into yours. It kept growing, bigger and bigger as if you were bloated until it popped.
You yelped as you let go cumming all over his dick digging your head back into the sheets, you were sure the sheets were dampening with your juices “I’m almost there baby, I promise. I’m almost there.” Haruchiyo muttered desperately as his thrusts continued going faster as if you cumming brought him closer to his edge.
“Uhn! Ugh!” Haruchiyo moaned out into the skin of your next as if he was the #1 watched pornstar in the world, his hips continuously snapping into yours as you continued to breathe heavily still trying to come down from your orgasm but that was pretty hard when you were still receiving pleasure but you were going to let him ride out his orgasm.
You moaned with closed eyes at the feeling of thick and warm ropes spurting into your womb that you were oh so used to, you felt so full with him inside as he came but his face remained in your neck. You felt his heavy breaths on your neck as his back raised and fell with the pattern of his breathing “I promise you I’ll get better.” He said lowly but because of his face being buried in your neck, you heard it clear as day.
“Haru-” “No.” He lifted his face from your skin and rose once more looking down at you with a softened expression “Listen to me. I promise you that I will get better and treat you like you deserve.” Haruchiyo continued his brows furrowing in determination, he wasn’t crying this time when he said it, he didn’t look sad, he looked determined. He was going to do it and he was going to make sure you absolutely knew that.
He gave a quick peck to your lips before looking you in the eye again “And then I’ll marry you.” Haruchiyo said sweetly making a smile appear on your lips. He’d said things like this all the time but you knew he meant it this time.
You could see it in his eyes and in the way he talked to you that he meant what he said and he was going to get better. That was a promise you were looking forward to being fulfilled.
©torasplanet .ᐟ reblogs and likes are very appreciated! pls do not repost!!
#torasplanet.ᐟ#tokyo revengers x reader#marls-fics.ᐟ#haruchiyo sanzu#sanzu haruchiyo#sanzu haruchiyo x reader#sanzu haruchiyo smut#haruchiyo sanzu x reader#haruchiyo sanzu smut#tokyo revengers smut#bonten!sanzu smut#bonten!sanzu#so sappyyy#◛⑅·˚♡haruu~#thank u anon
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Hi! I read lots of your work and im SO IN LOVE!!! Like I absolutely fell so hard for papa simon 😭😭 i wanna give him a babyy! But i was wondering, how would pregnancy be like with his child. I mean bro is HUGE so his baby would probably be not only pretty big and probably weight a little bit more too than an average newborn. If its okay with you would it be possible for you to write a little story maybe add a little bit of angst? (Idk like argument about something that made the reader really sad?) but please a happy ending 🥹
Feel free to ignore if thats not your thing or just not feeling comfortable writing about it!! LOVE YOUU!! Btw sorry for any misspelling English is not my first language.
First of, as a not native English speaker, your English is perfect.
And second, thank you for your kind words, it really encourages me to keep writing and also boosts my ego 😁
You asked in such a nice and respectful way so I really want to make you happy.
Now here's the thing, I'm an adult with lots of responsibilities and sometimes adulting makes me tired, like last night when I was trying to finish this but I fell asleep and I woke up this morning to find half of my writing disappeared, it just vanished 🥲
But I'll give you this to munch on and I promise I'll finish this before the end of the week.
I hope this is what you were expecting... Enjoy 🫶
A little over 700 words.
_______________________
You stood in front of the sink of your bathroom, holding a pregnancy test on your shaky hands, two little red lines staring right back at you.
How did this happen? How would you tell him? He doesn't want kids, he made it clear from the beginning and you accepted it without a fuss, that's why you've been taking your pills diligently every day, you didn't forget one, did you?... No, you know you didn't, how did this happen?
"You okay there, love?" Simon knocks on the bathroom door and you jump in surprise, like a child that's been caught red handed.
"Y-yes Si, j-just give me a minute... I'll be right there." Your period is about three weeks late so you bought a pregnancy test, your best friends advice, it wouldn't hurt, it was just to make sure, you certainly were not expecting this.
You hid the test on the cabinet under the sink and washed your face before coming out.
It's been a week since your ob-gyn confirmed a six weeks pregnancy and you still haven't found the courage nor the right time to break the news to Simon, so when he gets a call from Price to get deployed on a long mission you fear it would be too late by the time he comes back.
One month at most he said when he kissed you goodbye almost two months ago, you are 16 weeks into your pregnancy and your bump is starting to show, which only adds to your anxiety, between the morning sickness and your hormones being all over the place you still haven't figured out how to tell him.
As you ponder how to break the news to him, you realize that a simple phone call wouldn't suffice. With him stationed on the other side of the globe, risking his life every day, you hesitate to burden him further. At the same time, you know it wouldn't be ideal for him to return home and suddenly find you waddling around with a baby bump.
So you stay quiet and whenever he calls and asks why you sound so exhausted you blame it on your job, you say you are just stressed out, and he promises he'll take care of you once he's back, he'll relieve you from the stress the way you like it, the way only he knows how to.
You are laying on the couch wearing Simon's t-shirt, stuffing yourself with your favorite ice cream and watching trash tv when you hear fumbling outside your front door before it swings open, a very rugged Simon stands in the threshold , you curse under your breath, he didn't say he was coming home the last time you talked on the phone three days ago so you stand there and look at him overly conscious of the bump hiding under his t-shir and you thank the heavens he is a big man, you think the loose fit of his T-shirt would buy you time, your ice cream long forgotten in the coffee table.
He walks towards you with long strides as he pulls his balaclava over his head running his fingers through his messy hair and you shy away, you step back and freeze, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights, he stops in his tracks and tilts her head, his eyebrows pinch as his eyes linger on your midsection and you know you're fucked, he noticed, how wouldn't he, and you hope and pray he'd say something, anything, but he doesn't, he turns on his heels ready to walk out.
"Simon wait!" You call for him and he stops, his hand lingers on the door knob, "I can explain, please just hear me out" your voice cracks and you wish you had been brave enough to tell him before, you know about his childhood and his trauma, you know his struggles and why he didn't want children in the first place, he trusted you and you broke his trust, you deceived him from the moment you found out you were pregnant and decided to keep it to yourself because you were too scared to trust him back.
"Explain what?" He shouts turning around and walking towards you again, your hands fly to your belly instinctively, protective. You lower your head, eyes glued to the floor, ashamed.
#simon ghost riley#cod mw2#ghost cod#simon riley#simon riley x reader#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x pregnant reader#angst?#mrsrileywrites
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honestly how are you so smart? How do I become smart? My entire life I was put in the gifted classes and I really think it made me think I was smarter than I am. I'm "intelligent", sure. But I'm also really dumb and it's a huge sore point for me :( I'm always falling victim to believing anyone who sounds the most convincing and I never have my own opinion. It's like those discourse posts where I'll have whiplash reading them thinking "OK this is the most morally correct stance on the matter got it!" And then there'll be a new response and I'll go "OK scratch that! This is what I should believe and parrot back!". I'm really worried that I don't have any firm stances on anything and I'm a sheep who just follows the most ""correct"" sounding take. Sorry to dump this on you, I'd just like to hear your thoughts on it!
that sort of thing is more common than you think, anon. lots of people have trouble not following a herd mentality. it's scary to go against the grain! and i do think the educational system can reinforce that in certain people, since having the "correct" thought as determined by educators is prioritized more than a student having their own independent opinions.
my advice is to start small. if you see a post on your dash talking about a certain topic, really take a moment to step back. does this argument seem convincing? does it seem accurate? if so, why? do you have all the information? if you don't know enough about a topic to formulate your own opinion, maybe you should do some research!
and im not saying you should by default disagree with everything you see. that creates its own host of problems. I'm saying that whether you agree OR disagree with something, you should take a step back and evaluate why. can you explain your own opinions to others outside of "people I want to agree with have this opinion?"
it's also perfectly fine to not have an opinion on certain topics. if you don't know very much about something, there's no shame in waiting to form an opinion until you have more information. don't be afraid to ask questions. don't be afraid to investigate the trustworthiness of sources!
but if all that is overwhelming, and stepping in discourse sounds scary, you can even try this with fiction you read or watch. (im primary a media analysis blog, so i really do think fiction is a great practice ground to practice your analytical skills.) how does this story make me feel? can I identify why it does that? do I like this character? why? can I pick up on any subtext here? can I identify any literary devices the author is using? small questions like that.
in my opinion, a lot of my seeming intelligence comes from my ability to know and explain myself. I spend a lot of time reflecting on why I hold certain opinions, and seeking out further information when I don't understand something. you're probably here because you like my opinions on media analysis - those opinions are formed by not only reading and watching a wide range of things, but by seeking out different lens of analysis, and yes, seeing what other people have to say, and evaluating whether or not I think their opinions are well-supported. I try my best to expose myself to a lot of different types of thought. and I try my best to understand my own mental mechanisms, and to challenge them when necessary. I do think that's crucial to being an independent thinker.
I am sorry if this comes across as a lot. this stuff is overwhelming! you don't have to take all my advice at once. if you can pick even one suggestion from this post, and make an honest effort to try it, you'll start getting better at confronting your fear of being wrong, or the odd one out. over time, it will get easier for you to understand yourself as an independent person.
#narrates#i don't give out general advice very much so i do welcome feedback! if you don't understand something feel free to ask me
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getting war flashbacks to the bobs burgers fanfic where louise is doing math homework in the restaurant when nobody else is around and then bob has a heart attack </3 that shit was TRAUMATIZING
love linda shouting four whenever there's a math problem or anything related to numbers. best recurring joke. FOUR!!!!
you can do it gene :D also im so bad at math I 100% would not be able to help either. dumbass rep family
bob trying to help gene with his homework is cute. even if he is Not very good at it. he wants to be an involved dad :(
gene im not gonna lie that math question has gotta be fucking with you. rhat is not a real question. i could NEVER do that not if i was given 100 hours that shit is fake
see this is where when I was in math class i would just write a random number and move on bcuz im never gonna figure it out anyway im not gonna waste time. so that's my advice gene. just Give Up
he says "maybe your mom or tina could get you started" because they're older but I genuinely think louise has a better chance of helping bcuz she is so smart. if she'd WANT to help is another question entirely
because I'm stuck in a safe 😐
AND THEN HE BLINDFOLDED ME ON THE WAY HERE??? HE BLINDFOLDED YOU??????
teddy I think his guy is gonna murder you im gonna be so real right now
unfortunately im kinda following teddy's logic now like. it isnt like fischoeder isn't doing this type of shit everyday just for fun. rich guys are just like that BUT getting their money is nice
"gene was doing homework?? that's new"
WE'RE NOT ALL ECONOMICALLY COMFORTABLE LIKE YOU ARE
"Why did you tell me the whole long story about the sandwich in the drawer if you're running out of battery LOCKED IN A SAFE??" "Context!!!!"
also bob and teddy have such great comedic chemistry lmao they bounce off each other so naturally
louise isn't lying she Does have a certain set of skills 😭 if anyone could find him it WOULD be her the lockpicking genius nine year old supervillain
miss you. see you soon. gotta go!!
has he gotten a new cellphone since that MIDDLE OF THE DAY AND YOUR PHONE IS AT 23% argument or is it that same shitty 2008 blackberry phone that dies almost immediately lmfao
bob is a real one for doing this bullshit for teddy he did NOT have to. they're ride or die fr
I'm not entirely unconvinced that gerald isnt a serial killer but thats okay <3 men can have hobbies
also I'm choosing to believe this gerald is the same one from the taxes/weed cookie episode even though it ABSOLUTELY is not bcuz i think that would be funny. by day he's a regular tax agent by night he is a creepy rich kidnapper who pulls mind games on all his handymen
OH I FORGOT THE SUBPLOT FOR THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT SPORTS PEOPLE why did they do the whole thing with gene's homework then.... are they connected. what is the gameplan
WE PICK A NEW LOVER FOR MOM
i love how bob is apparently the only thing keeping his family from going completely off the fucking rails like. he's the only thing standing between his family and their restaurant burning down with everyone inside fr
your dad never loved that dream :/ because he's a hater :/ AND SO JEALOUS :/
you're not gonna break the world record. another hater. STOP THAT
I might be having a panic attack 💔 I CANT TELL BECAUSE IVE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE OR IM ALWAYS HAVING ONE soo real teddy
WE LOST HIM 😭😭💔
aww I love them all wearing their lil aprons <3 (crappy photo of my tablet bcuz the app im using to watch this episode doesn't allow screenshots)
SAY SOMETHING SMART LIKE UHH HOW WOULD YOU FLIP A GIANT BURGER. OH GOD THEY DIDNT MAKE THE GIANT BURGER DID THEY. WHO WOULD EVEN AGREE TO EAT THAT. AN OVER FOURTY CO-ED BASKETBALL TEAM. REALLY 😯
sorry this episode has so many good ooc quotes FJDMDJSKSKKM
gene STOP calling him father
bob is being like a whole ass detective meanwhile linda and the kids are currently making The Worst Decisions Ever
h jon benjiman is doing such a good job voicing bob in this episode idk it has so much personality and sounds natural. or it's always like this and im just now appreciating it but either way A+ work
cute bob and teddy moment ❤️❤️
(ignore the awful camera quality. nothing I can do there) also love the fact that teddy can easily lift up and manhandle bob. Good to know
there's so much going on w/ this gerald guy I dont even know WHERE to begin. what a guy. wow
this is so cute and sweet im so happy!!! YOU DOUBLE FAKE WALLED HIM :D YOU SMART SMARTIE. YOURE A GENIUS BOB
"I knew I asked the right person to come help me. Yeah. Mort wouldn't answer."
"What? You called Mort first?"
"No..."
HE ASKED MORT???? LMFAO big win for tedmort shippers. I fucking guess
MORT NEVER DOUBLE FAKE WALLED ANYONE why is bob like genuinely jealous of mort and teddy right now 😭 chill out man you've got a wife at home
"let's just say it's twelve" FINALLY bob follows my very smart advice when it comes to math homework smh
ALSO THIS IS TECHNICALLY THE FIRST TIME WE'VE SEEN THEM EATING BOBS BURGERS FOR DINNER OR IN GENERAL!!! I mean it's a giant hamburger loaf but it technically was served at bob's burgers so it counts
GIANT FRENCH FRIES
aww this episode was so fun and cute!! I love the more adventure-y type episodes where they explore a new location so this episode was great and very stressful lmao. also very funny. I love bob and teddy's dynamic/back and forth throughout the episode and the weird mort mention at the end felt like they were soft launching his and teddy's relationship even though I KNOW they aren't actually. mort could replace kathleen if we believe. very solid 8/10 episode :)
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🕷"No...no way."🕸 Part 4
1610 Miles Morales x fem reader
•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•
• Miles dreamt about alot of things that night. His parents, you, and most importantly, what he had to do. It was weird though. He didn't see his success, but he didn't see a loss either. He was just...foreshadowing..? It was weird but it felt familiar...
• Has he done this before...?
• "Miles."
• ...Someone was shaking his shoulder. Miles, of course, pushed the hand of whoever was touching him, but they persisted. That put a frown on his face. What the h?
• "Go away."
• He grumbled. The person sighed. (Kinda like the "I'm gonna lose my patience" sigh)
• "We have to save Jeff."
• That caught his attention. He sprang up.
• "How do you know about my da-!?"
• He froze. In front of him was his undead uncle. Miles was perplexed. Until, he remembered the previous night. He's in his spider's dimension, uncle Aaron is super alive and this dimensions Miles is tipping on the scale of jerk and you've changed slightly...Crap. Realizing he just shouted at his dad's brother, he sinks back into the blanket.
• "I'm sorry."
• The young hero mumbled. Uncle Aaron chuckled in his throat. It's rare when he sees his nephew being polite. Let alone timid. But, there's still stuff to do. He can ponder the differences later.
• "It's cool, come on."
• "We got work to do."
• That caught the anomaly's attention. He let the blanket fall back on his lap.
• "Work to do?"
• Wait, wasn't the plan gonna be relayed when everyone was present? Matter of fact, it's still dark out. ...What time is it!?
• "You'll see when we get there."
• His uncle replied, while tossing him a jacket.
• "We leave in fifteen."
• Miles sat quietly in the car while the ex Prowler grabbed some things from his apartment. Once again, this felt crazy. His uncle Aaron had a purple convertible, this one has a truck.
• (Which is still purple...seriously how did he NEVER know his uncle was the prowler? They're so many signs.)
• He's also...jaded. He's not mean or anything. Just quiet and pretty short with answers...but, that's okay. Miles can tell from all his greys that life's been tough...probably a lot tougher than his life. The driver door opened, making the him jump.
• Of course, it was just uncle Aaron. He hopped in the driver's seat.
• "Ready?"
• Still frazzled, Miles nodded.
• The drive was...quiet. Well, sorta. There was music on, but zero talking. Oddly though, it was nostalgic. Reminded him those drives when his Uncle and his dad fought before Miles stayed over. (He never caught the arguments, but he always knew something was up.) Silent with the calm sound of wheels grinding against the pavement. BUT, this silence is getting pretty heavy. He's starting to feel like he's breathing too loud.
• Miles cleared his throat.
• "So, um..."
• His uncle looked over, his gaze making Miles feel super small.
• (Is this how uncle Aaron was with other people!?)
• "What's up with the prowler thing? With...Miles and all that jazz?"
• The truck was filled with heavy silence again.
• "Ask a different question."
• Uncle Aaron replied, flatly. 1610 Miles swallowed hard. Okay...that was a touchy subject.
• "Sooo, the truck,"
• "It's purple and black. Where'd...you get it painted?"
• The uncle chuckled. So, the boy chooses the car instead? Must've stood out to 'im.
• "A friend of mine did it."
• "I had to pay her still but it was half off so..."
• Miles nodded. That's...kinda interesting. More questions could be asked but...nah. His heart resides on paper, not wheels.
• "You draw?"
• The teen twitched at the question.
• "Huh?"
• "Do you like to draw? Like my Miles."
• Uncle Aaron asked again, this time using a fuller sentence. Miles couldn't stop the smile forming on his face. Finally, a subject he can get behind!
• "Yeah, alot."
• He replied.
• "I use highlighters and pens normally, but recently I've been trying to go digi-tal."
• Miles snickered. (He's kinda lying about the digital thing, Ganke only let's him use his tablet twice a week.)
• His (kinda) uncle listened quietly as his (kinda) nephew ramble on about his hobby. It's lowkey adorable. His Miles does the same thing. Except, his nephew is strictly pencils and black pens. Like one of those...manga artists? Slowly, the truck came to a stop. Miles looked through the window.
• This looks like...
• "Alchemex?"
• He said outloud.
• "You got it."
• Uncle Aaron replied getting out of the car. The Spiderman couldn't help but feel a little uneasy. Alchemex...has alot of memories he rather forget about. Suddenly, another glitch hit. The burning and atom decaying lasted only a few minutes, but it felt like a hour. He took a deep breath and climbed out of the truck. Uncle Aaron was waiting at the entrance, analyzing him as usual.
• "Sorry, I, um...hit the roof."
• Miles nervously snickered. Yeah right. He hasn't felt any roofs or balls since he got this hairstyle. And he's been rocking it since he was 10. His hair absorbs ALL impacts. His kinda uncle didn't reply and pushed open the doors. The teen immediately pulled out a flashlight. The sun is coming up, but it's not showing in Alchemex!
• "Don't fall behind."
• "Okay."
• The two of them slowly ventured through the building. It looked abandoned and destroyed. Like, some beast escaped in here. Wait- There wasn't a Peppy playtime incident here, was it!?
• (Get the reference?)
• But, now that he looks at all the spray paint...it's just abandoned. And the destruction...is still unknown, but he's sure as hell it wasn't a fuzzy, blue monster with red lips.
• "So...Alchemex. Why?"
• Pfft! Why'd he ask the question like that? His past uncle remained silent until they got into what looks like the collider room.
• (Seriously, who destroyed the place?)
• "Back when I still prowled,"
• His uncle (randomly) said.
• "I picked up a little on how this thing works."
• "Maybe the collider can send you back."
• Miles gasped. That was a perfect idea! The collider can bring and return people to different dimensions! Why didn't he think about this earlier!? But...what's his dimension?
• "This could work, but,"
• He looked at all the broken computers and desks.
• "How would we get any data to the collider?"
• For the first time, Uncle Aaron smiled at him.
• "I'll leave that to you two."
• 'You two'. Who's the other person?
• "Anyway, we came here to get the layer of the land."
• The ex prowler said, back to business.
• "What tools we need. If the colliders still working. And how to send you home in one piece."
• Miles snickered.
• "I know we need some new computers."
• Uncle Aaron shook his head and put his foot on the rail.
• "Don't all the kids have computers these days?"
• He wasn't wrong there. Ganke has dang near three. His uncle's eyes were on him again.
• "You got your little suit on, right?"
• Miles nodded. After everything that happened, he wouldn't feel safe without it!
• "Good,"
• He tied a black rope around his leg and shot a gun attached to it.
• (Uncle Aaron's doing this, btw)
• "Let's scope the joint."
• And he jumped off, swinging around the white room. It's...actually pretty cool to see his uncle in action, when he's not trying to claw his throat out. And even though this isn't his universe or his true uncle. Swinging around with him is a dream come true.
•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•
I'm proud and surprised I'm still doing this series. I'm usually terrible at consistency, but this series has a hold on me🤣 I have an announcement on the 31st, so I hope to see everyone there!
•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•
•°○°•●•°(Pt1, Pt2, Pt2 1/2, Pt3)°•●•°○°•
#spiderman imagine#miles x female reader#miles morales#spiderman across the spiderverse#atsv#miles 42#uncle aaron#part four#this series will not be forgotten#thanks for tuning in#thanks for the support#see you soon#stay cool#spiderman beyond the spiderverse
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you seem like a good person with genuinely nice intentions- i also find it really awful when people go "dont bully people because they COULD be autistic" instead of just saying "don't bully people." the idea that someone hates me, or thinks im cringe, but chooses not to be rude to me because i seem autistic to them is way more hurtful than them just bullying me... (obviously the ideal is for them to never bully anyone) and the argument that we shouldn't bully individuals with "childlike/cringe" interests because they might be autistic is really infantalizing, because it assumes that autism and having "childlike/cringe" interests are interlinked when i don't really think that's the case. (using childlike/cringe in quotes because i don't really believe any interests are childlike or cringe, just those are common descriptors used by people). again, you seem like you have really nice intentions, and i'm pretty sure we all agree, bullying is bad, it should never happen, but the idea of not bullying someone because they could be autistic is just harmful to the autistic community + doesn't stop bullying. have a wonderful night, im sorry for sending you an ask <3 im sure you'll get some hate so i wish you the best
Look, you also seem nice. You're the last ask that slid in under the wire before I turned them off completely due to the mass harassment.
That means you sent this before all the submissions and DMs once I turned asks off, where people started getting really fucking nasty. I am trying very hard not to hold those people against you, but it has been a long fucking day.
So, I'm trying my best here to be patient and kind when I write this essay, instead of just blocking or reporting you. You seem like you might be willing to listen. Even if you're not, your message makes a good starting point for me.
Because I have two major problems here.
1: Autism absolutely correlates with preferring media aimed at younger audiences.
This is not universal, and it's not because we're ~stupid~. It's nothing to do with """"mental age"""" or whatever trashfire talking points you've heard. You may recognize the more clinical terminology from diagnostics, even. It's a major identifiable symptom called "age-inappropriate interests and behaviours." (I personally prefer age-atypical; the current technical language is still, unfortunately, age-inappropriate.)
These age-atypical interests are caused by combinations of disability related factors including but not limited to:
Children's media has cleaner sound balancing with stronger dialogue tracks that make following the language easier. There also tend to be clearer pauses and tonal cues.
Children's media is often safely predictable in its outcome. Someone may die, but probably not the main hero, for example. This predictability is desirable for many autistic people in a hobby, as it limits distressors.
Language used tends to be plainer, with less reliance on quick flying quips that are hard to hear/read fast enough, or clever implications in screenplay. Many other autistic people love complex "adult" film specifically because they are fluent in screenwriting and enjoy exercising that fluency. Many more autistic people never learned screenplay fluently. Pretending that all autistic people have the same level of fluency in screenplay is not conducive to having a genuine conversation on this subject.
All of this information and more is available to you it you associate yourself with non-verbal, less verbal, and intellectually disabled autistic people right here on tumblr.
Children's media is often translated into more languages than adult media, especially with dubbing. Being able to hear and read the dialogue simultaneously is a super basic access issue that autistic people are stuck fighting all the damned time, and kid's shows are some of the very few types of mass accessible pop art that actively enable that.
Speaking of mass access: children's media is often very easy to access, with a tendency towards being hosted on multiple stream sites, broadcasting in syndication, etc. This means more autistic people have access to it, and thus by simple numbers, more of them will enjoy it than niche artforms we are rarely allowed to interact with freely.
Media consumption more broadly is a desirable hobby for many autistic people because it can be done alone or with friends, as one's energy levels allow, and both forms can be similarly gratifying. This is a level of control over socialization that is very rare for most autistic people.
You'll also find trends of autistic people gathering around other subjects that have these qualities, not just children's media. Just off the top of my head, both kink and train collecting meet these standards, particularly as regards control, stressors, and access; both are also famous for being disproportionately autistic.
Indeed, this tendency to gather around accessible, controllable hobbies that can be engaged with alone or in small groups creates the very notion of "cringe."
People don't think watching kid's shows is bad in a vacuum: they think that autistic people are shameful, and thus anything we congregate around is shameful too. Including watching kid's shows.
Pretending that autistic people don't have an above average level of interest in media made for kids is nonsense. It's nonsense. It actively worsens everyone's perception of both the diversity of autistic experiences. You can claim that anti-bullying campaigns are bad for autistic people all you like, but no amount of research has ever or will ever back up that claim.
Either you are lying, or you have been lied to.
Autistic people are so well known for this that it's literally how we are identified socially AND diagnosed medically.
That's the reality.
No matter how much you hate it: other autistic people are still going to be drawn to hobbies you don't share, and they are still going to be abused for it. Including so-called """baby movies."""
Enjoying media you don't is not grounds to say that actually the abuse other people face is made up and doesn't need to be addressed.
Liking kid's shows is morally neutral.
You must acknowledge it as a morally neutral statement of fact, not an accusation of personal failing. Liking kid's shows is no better, no worse, no different from liking mid-16th century tapestry, or artsy experimental music from cities I've never heard of in countries I've never visited.
If you cannot even admit that all non-violent hobbies are equally legitimate, then we have no common ground upon which to continue a discussion.
As long as you operate under the presumption that any autistic who is less complex in their interests than you is not worth acknowledging, then you are not worth this discussion. You can try again when you've learned not to be pro-bullying.
Which brings me to
2: You are still, right now, loudly and proudly insisting that being anti-bullying is Bad Actually.
Once you've accepted the fundamentally morally neutral nature of being into something kinda "cringe," ask yourself why your reaction to anti-bullying campaigns rooted in that neutrality is to separate yourself from the other autistic people demanding to be treated with the basest level of human respect.
To then pass on blatant lies about those people (whether knowingly or by mistake), and claim that they are hurting themselves. To demand that those people "stop hurting themselves" by obeying your rules. Rules that, whether you wish to admit it or not, were very obviously made out of ignorance and will very obviously cause great harm.
Those lies are now fueling hatred of a damn anti bullying campaign. The single most milquetoast conceivable.
Furthermore, this is an anti bullying campaign modeled off some of the most successful abuse interventions for autistic people that have been studied to date. It is a campaign started by other autistic people to protect ourselves from the heaps of ableist abuse we receive daily.
And you loathe it enough to join this cavalcade.
But see: the anti bullying campaigns work. They save lives. They improve quality of life in every measurable field. And they have done for literally decades. This is a closed matter. A proven fact.
Whereas spreading misinformation about the diversity of autistic experiences actively worsens that quality of life. Another proven fact, actually.
Your choice is between a proven benefit to autistic people started by and for us. Or a proven detriment that causes huge amount of death in our community.
And right now, with all your genteel kindness, silk gloves and sweet honey? You've chosen "do the thing that makes autistic people suicidal". Worse, you've convinced yourself that this is a good thing. That increased suicidality and abuse benefits all autistic people because the method thereof happens to benefit you.
I don't know how you think it benefits you. Maybe it makes you feel safer in allistic society. Maybe it just boosts your ego with a rush of vicious justice serving glee. Probably it's something else entirely.
Whatever the reason, you've nevertheless chosen the second most common cause of death among autistic people ages 10-35 as the thing you want to support.
See, telling people not to be abusive shitheads because like 70% of their abuse is rooted in an unexamined hatred of disabled people is not """"shoving politics where it doesn't belong"""" or whatever else. It's identifying and acknowledging the root issue, and attempting to actively address it.
So, with all that out of the way:
WHY did you think sending me this misinformation would make me more sympathetic to the literally dozens of people who have done nothing but harass me for 13 fucking hours now?
#ActuallyAutistic#Autism and bullying#Autistic abuse#I'm not editing this anymore you get to live with the typoes
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The goodie bag series - Min Yoongi
Pairing: Yoongi x fem reader
Word count: 2.4 k words
Warnings: Trigger warning, attempted kidnapping, attempted assault, a fight.
A/n: I fought with myself a long time about if I wanted to post this after I wrote it, but then decided, fuck it, I'll take my chances.
Tagging: @parkdatjimin @themochiverse and my yoonmin anon.
Read the other members here.
୧| ͡ᵔ ﹏ ͡ᵔ |୨~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yoonie, come home for dinner today?" You peeked out of your bedroom where you were still getting changed as Yoongi grabbed a mouthful of oats and grabbed his laptop bag and hurried to the door, but stopped as soon as you called out. He took two long strides and was in front of you, pressing a chaste kiss to your temples, " I won't make any promises honey, you know I'm busy."
You nodded against his lips, "Try?" You mumbled.
"Mhm, I'll try. Have a good day!" He was already moving again and you regarded him with a tight smile as the door closed behind him.
You stood there for a minute before turning back to the task at hand, getting ready to go to work yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I won't make it to dinner, love. Don't wait up for me.'
His text pulled you out of the stream of paperwork you were going through. You blinked disappointedly at the screen for a moment before going back to the floor plan you were designing, a strange bitterness in your stomach.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bed dipped behind you and the familiar scent of Yoongi's perfume and his deep grunt as he flung himself on the pillows alerted you that he was back. Your lashes fluttered and you hummed, turning over and cuddling into his side.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. How was your day?" His tone sounded oh so tired.
"Good. Did you eat?" You were still half asleep.
"No, I had a late lunch. Im not very hungry, let's just sleep?" And you knew, with the way his words drawled out, that he needed sleep more than anything.
And God knows, you needed it too, so you hummed in agreement and soon enough, both your breaths evened out, holding onto each other.
Until he started coming home so late and leaving so early that the only indication of his presence in your shared space was the occasional damp towel left in the bathroom, the rumpled sheets on his half of the bed and the single dirty dish in the sink in the morning.
He still texted you though.
'Good morning my love. You looked too peaceful to wake up. I had early practice and lots of writing to do. I'll see you in the evening. '
And then as evening approached, 'Babe, I'm caught up. Please don't wait up for me. I'm so sorry. '
And he was sincerely sorry. You knew. You knew your husband, and you also knew that when he slipped into the Producer Min headspace, there wasn't much you could do except wait it out till the days he'd pick you up from work and both of you'd drive home humming to songs together, returned.
And you had your own work right? Yeah, you had loads of paperwork to go through, so many plans to approve and so many meetings to attend.
Then why was it that when you leaned back in your chair, looking at the clock that showed that two hours had passed since you were supposed to clock out, and one of the more high profile client's plans pulled up on your computer, your heart felt like someone was squeezing it so tight?
You missed Yoongi. You always missed Yoongi, and whenever something like this happened, you'd voice it to him, and flawed as he was human, Yoongi had a way of turning on you for being too immature and needy sometimes.
And you had promised yourself that you'd not let an argument like that happen this time.
Thus, true to yourself, you picked some chicken from one of his favorite fried food places and headed to his company.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was stupid, why was your heart hammering so hard? This was your husband for god's sake. You entered the password to his studio in the keypad and as the door beeped open, you pulled the door, bracing yourself.
But his wide eyes and slight pout told you everything was okay.
For now.
His smile was just as bright as it had always been. His kisses were just as sweet as you wanted. His whispered "I missed you so much" echoed what your own heart was screaming, and you were happy.
And so was he.
Which is why when you stretched out on the couch after the staff had collected all the trash, leaving you both to your devices, Yoongi had only fondly rolled his eyes and tucked you under his own jacket, as he went back to work and you dozed off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That first night in the studio turned into an almost daily ritual.
For four days.
Which seemed fair, because you had gone without the man for a whole week. And you were confident that this time around, you might make it out of this spell without an argument.
But things always had a way of going downhill didn't they?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoongi didn't mind you hanging out in the studio. It was his habitat, and you were his wife. If anything, you were the one he loved having there more than anyone. But he had noticed the way you grimaced and grabbed your shoulders when you woke up, the way your neck bent at all the wrong angles on his couch, and how the dark circles under your eyes turned darker.
He felt guilty.
And he hated feeling that way.
"Babe, go home." He urged you, adamant in front of him.
"No. I'm fine here, trust me." Ah, you had that look on your face. The look that was more of a challenge, as usual. A look that told him you'd be stubborn on this.
"You're uncomfortable here, don't lie to me. Go home, it's alright, you don't have to stay with me." God, he hated feeling guilty.
"I want to though."
"You want to go to the chiropractor for your neck coz you're too damn stubborn for your own good?" Yoongi raised an eyebrow.
"I want to stay with you coz I hate sleeping without you." You lowered your voice slightly, "You know that."
"Don't be such a child y/n, it's not like I don't come home"
There he went, your heartbeat increased. This wasn't happening. Hadn't you promised yourself?
" It's n-"
"Please go home, I'm wasting time as it is." He grunted and turned back, clearly done with the conversation as his hands reached for his headphones.
"I hate sleeping alone Yoongi, why would you make me sleep alone when I'm fine here?" You demanded.
You got no response, a faint sound of instruments came from his headphones.
Tears pricked your eyes. Yoongi could be an ass when he wanted to.
You sat there for a few minutes, before convincing yourself it wasn't worth getting into another fight if he turned around and still found you there. You heaved a shaky breath and gathered your stuff, leaving the building and heading to the bus stop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God, fall nights in Seoul got so chilly so soon. You hugged your sweater closer to you and walked towards your home purposefully, the anger at a certain producer dissipating in the cool air.
Not long after, you realized there was more than one echo of footsteps coming to you. You focused on the sound, trying not to be paranoid. Maybe it was just the way the street was. There wasn't someone following you, was there?
Was there? You tilted your head slightly to the side.
There most definitely was.
Your heart hammered. Shit shit shittt. You transferred your house keys to your dominant hand and stuck the sharp edge out of your fist and quickened your steps.
You were almost home, it was okay.
And then the second pair of footsteps vanished.
Phew, it was probably just someone else going home from work. Paranoia really did take the best of your mind some days.
You heaved a sigh of relief and smiled softly.
Too soon.
You collided into a man in a long black coat who had just come out of the alley in front of you. His firm hands grabbed onto your waist, and one immediately made it's way lower over your hips.
You blanched and tried to pull away.
"Hello, pretty. What are you doing out at this hour?"
His voice was raspy and his breath reeked of alcohol. You struggled harder.
"Let go!" You snapped.
"Feisty little thing aren't you? Good, I like em feisty." He grinned, clearly drunk out of his mind and made to grab you off your feet, fitting both hands under your ass and lifting you up.
You screamed in terror and jabbed at his face with the key you had.
Immediately he was dropping you, "You little cunt! What the fuck was that for?" He yelled.
But you were already swift on your feet, running in the opposite direction as fast as your legs would carry you. All you could think of was that he could not know where you lived.
You zoomed onto the main street, still hearing his thundering curses and footsteps behind you, and thanked everything holy at the 7-eleven in front of you.
"Please, help me. There's a man outside, he-" you gasped at the ahjussi behind the counter who had risen from his seat in surprise.
He was quick to catch on, leaping from behind the counter and looking around outside. But the bastard had left.
The old man turned back to you with kind eyes, concerned at the state you were in, pale and trembling like a leaf.
"He's gone child, he's gone."
"A-are you s-sure?" You said weakly.
"I'm sure. Let me get you some water. Do you have anyone to call to come get you? You shouldn't walk home by yourself at this time." He said kindly, pouring you a glass of water
"M-my husband... My h-husband," your trembling hands found your phone and you were calling Yoongi instantly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoongi rolled his eyes and tossed his phone in the drawer.
"Fucking hell y/n, how petty can you be?" He mumbled.
You had this stupid habit of spamming him when you wanted to annoy him.
He was just surprised that you'd do it now, when you had clearly had an argument.
If anything, Yoongi expected you to sulk and be mad for a day at least
Clearly not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the trembling phone told you the love of your life had let the call go to voicemail for the third time, you broke.
Tears streaming down your face, you dialed the only one you trusted in any case.
The line rang and then a sleepy hum sounded.
"J-jungkookie?" You sobbed.
"Noona?" He was awake in a second, "What's wrong?"
You sobbed harder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Yoongi came home the next day, he was surprised at how dark the living room was, the curtains drawn.
He also noticed how your shoes weren't by the door but instead still on your feet as you were curled up on the couch, eyes wide open and streaks of dried mascara sitting on your face.
His alarms went off.
There was something definitely wrong.
"Honey?" He called out to your still form, and didn't get graced with a look back.
"Baby?" He went over to you.
Still no response.
Oh, something was so wrong.
He got on his knees before you, his stomach churning in tension.
"Y/n, love, what happened?"
"I called you Yoongi, why didn't you pick up?" Your voice was hoarse and barely there, and your neck had these strange scratches on it that made no sense to the ridiculous question you had asked him.
Something was wrong.
"I was working love, what's happened to you?"
That's when you caught him with a half dead gaze, immediately making him wish you hadn't looked his way. An unexplained shame set into his very bones.
"Please tell me what happened." He pleaded again.
" I was... " You sighed, "I was walking home last night and when I turned off the main road... " Your voice broke again and Yoongi felt his sanity slipping away.
"... there was a- a guy... He-he tried t-to-" a dry sob cut you off and the raging panic in Yoongi's body froze over to something deadly.
His own shame and ice cold anger made a cocktail of poison so strong, his fists clenched and his voice lowered.
" He tried to touch you?" He asked.
Your nod had a roar lodging in his throat.
" H-he lifted me and tried to take me away. I scratched him with th-the keys, " you hiccuped, "and ran back to the store. He followed me all the way" you were trembling again, tears of fear slipping down the paths already present on your face.
"Honey..." His hands reached for you, and his heart broke when you started and pulled away slightly before grabbing his hands and crying in earnest.
"Yoongi..." His name was all that slipped past your trembling lips as you cried against his shoulder, "I called you. I called you so many times, why didn't you answer me? "
Yoongi felt like he'd be sick. He wanted to go get that bastard arrested this very moment but his guilt and shame froze him to the spot. The way you held onto him so tightly made him feel like he wasn't worthy to comfort you.
And all he could say was, "I'm sorry, love. Im so so sorry. " His own voice strained from holding back tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoongi gingerly placed you on the bed after the longest shower you had taken.
He had had to gently guide your hand away from your skin so many times as you scratched yourself violently and cried. You had cried so much.
He had carried you to the room, silent and stewing in guilt.
But as soon as his arms pulled away you mumbled a soft, "No... Please?"
"What is it baby?" He had no words of comfort worthy of giving you.
"Stay."
"I'm right here." He sat beside you, his hands carding through your damp hair.
You hugged his arm to your chest, breathing soft and slightly shaky from all the crying.
"Jungkookie brought me home." You mumbled into his skin.
Yoongi would go hug Jungkook after this.
"Please don't make me sleep alone." God, why was your voice so small?
"I won't, my baby. I won't ever. I'm so sorry."
#bts yoongi#Yoongi angst#Yoongi fluff#Min yoongi angst#Bts suga#Bts x reader#Yoongi x reader#Suga x reader#Bts fic#Bts drabble#the goodie bag series
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I'm not trying to like... Start a fight? But it's ahistorical to say that the only reason bi sapphics left the lesbian label is because political lesbians drove them out. It's not true. There are many cases of bi sapphic and bi achillian activists who wanted to be defined by their own sexuality and not by their sex acts. It removes the autonomy of bisexuals to claim we all were so weak that lesbian separatists drove us out for feminist reasons when the political lesbians your mentioning, not by name given but it's not really needed, were a fringe group whose harm is indeed large but often over exaggerated. They wouldn't have that power to literally change all of lesbian culture and it's community and make bi sapphics leave. In my opinion, based on historical documents of both lesbian and bisexual activists and writers from the 1920 up til about the 1960s, it was just a natural shift in the community. Bisexuals wanted their own label outside of just being forced to swing between straight and gay depending who we're with and to claim they just got basically shoved out of lesbian bars and slapped with the bi label just.... Isn't true and ignores large swabs of bisexual history in trying to own our identity and the acceptance of bisexuals in mlm and wlw spaces.
I'd love to see counter evidence and I'm not opposed to the mspec lesbian label but as someone who loves and inspects bi History, this narrative that we were simply kicked out and it was the mean lesbian's fault is often used to encourage lesbophobia and simply... Isn't true. I deeply encourage you to check up on bisexual history concerning activists and the separation of the mlm and wlw communities maybe in different places than you haven't prior and how, for most of us, we left the gay and lesbian communities willingly because LGBT enforced biphobia was just as rampant back then as it is today and we wanted our own identity outside of just sex acts.(which deeply did and still dose contribute to the biphobic sediments that bisexuals are flirtatious and unloyal cheaters and liars. it wasn't just cishets calling us that stuff.)
I hope this doesn't sound passive aggressive or demeaning in anyway, that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just tried of this take that it was mean lesbian supremacists that kicked us out without a source ever to be found and just buckets and buckets of bi activists talking about bisexuality and how they wanted a label and place of their own going completely unnoticed and unacknowledged because it doesn't fit the narrative that often underlines arguments concerning mspec lesbianism next to mono lesbianism ("bi lesbians are great and automatically unproblematic but monosexual/cis lesbians are automatically suspicious and terfy" kind of trash with no introspection into how that's blatantly lesbophobic regardless of any trans/mspec standpoint. Not just bigoted and applying your own stereotype on a fellow queer person because of terfs (also reinforces the terf sediment that terf is just the new word for lesbian) but also just patently not true.)
I fully agree with everything you’re saying, I normally talk only about the political lesbianism aspect because it was pretty violent and it’s what I know most about, I know it’s not the sole reason for what happened. so in that regard I’m sorry for misrepresenting that part of history.
however, I don’t think that pointing out the impact lesbian separatism has had on the community is in opposition to that. lesbian community used to always be about celebrating the joy of love for women, not about not being attracted to men. im not saying there’s anything wrong with being proud of not being attracted to men, or that individuals shouldn’t define themselves that way in relation to their lesbianism, but political lesbianism DEFINITELY reflected a shift that has made the general entity of the lesbian community much less about love for women, which is in my opinion a loss. it’s become more about excluding people based on an attraction quota than it has been about including people who personally resonate with the lesbian label and experience. The exclusionary part came from political lesbianism, and that’s evident in the way so many younger lesbian communities operate nowadays. Bi activism wasn’t about trying to force a rift between the two communities, but rather to acknowledge their general distinctions, so to me it’s not as relevant to the history of lesbian exclusionism. But I don’t know enough about that aspect of history to truly form an opinion on it, so I would really appreciate if you could send some of the sources you’re talking about!!
overall, I agree with you that i and others should take those aspects of queer history into account more, and I’d love to learn more about it, but I don’t think it’s any less important to acknowledge the roots of the exclusionism that so many lesbians face. i do not at all think that lesbian and terf are synonymous and I hate that people think they are, but acknowledging that the roots of radical feminism partially lie within lesbian feminism, isn’t saying that, it’s acknowledging how transphobia and biphobia have played a real part in our history. it’s not “mean lesbians” it’s bigoted people who used their lesbian identity as an excuse to promote exclusionary and reactionary queer politics /info /nm
#🌌written in the stars ; asks 🌌#tw discourse#discourse tw#bi lesbian#exclusionism tw#tw exclusionism#exclusionism discussion
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im bored so i'm gonna start drawing parallels between raison detre and gojos past arc 💀
i think the first part is getou's part and the second part is gojo's part and the third part is the two of them as a duo (parts of the third part I marked with red and blue as well but anything after purple is the third part)
(I'm sorry if the colors make it hard to read I didn't know how else to split the sections without it looking awkward)
Also this gets progressively sloppier as the song goes on so yeah..
漂うこの空気にストップ ただ矛盾を抱いている | Stop in this drifting air / I'm just harboring a contradiction
今更猛スピードでスタート切ったって | Even if I took off dashing from the start line now
どうやったって追いつきゃしないぜメーデー | I wouldn't be able to catch up no matter what I do, mayday
This part represents the rift Getou felt after Gojo who became the strongest (also the contradiction part matches Getou's wavering philosophy)
強がりに嫌気がさしている | I'm tired of acting tough
弱音も吐けないままでいる 弱音も吐けないままでいる I'm still unable to whine / I'm still unable to whine
Pretty self-explanatory lmaoo.
損得のものさしでぽいって捨てられ | Thrown away by the measure of profit and loss
I think this part would represent people like Riko and Mimiko + Nanako
よそいきの顔してまたやり過ごす | I go through it again with a nonchalant face
Although I put nonchalant here (lol google translate), it means to act polite and well-mannered. This is basically what Getou did; despite seeing the same bullshit play out over and over again, he told himself to bear the burden of being the strong and forced himself to stay grounded and act well-rounded as an ideal server of society.
存在もないようなもんだ 誰もわかっちゃいないや | It's like I don't exist / nobody gets it
This part relates to how most people aren't aware of his existence and importance of his job as a sorceror. Even more, nobody would understand the pain of his cursed technique; even to those who do know him.
感情論に縋ってなんて憚れば堕ちる | If I cling to an emotional argument and hesitate, I'll fall
Okay this part was hard to translate lmao. I wrote emotional argument, but the word basically means to go along with your emotions rather than hard sound logic. It can also be used to describe the manner of the action of an emotional or impulsive person. But anywho this is basically what Getou did. Look, it makes sense in my head but I don't know how to explain without writing up a whole essay. And anyways he fell.
だけど 夢に目覚めた君は何をみるの | But what do you, who awakened in a dream, see?
I think this sounds like Getou asking Gojo after the latter unlocked his full potential
最低な日を超えて 最善の成る方へ | Overcoming the worst days / Going toward the best way
どうしたんだ 期待なんてもうしてられないから | What's wrong / I can't keep having expectations anymore
その時をじっと待っている | I'm waiting patiently for that time
曖昧な視界に立って 際限のない方へ | Standing at the vague view / Toward the limitless
こんな気持ちさえも捨てきれないのなら | If you can't even throw away these feelings
混ざって混ざって生まれ変わるまで | Mixing / mixing / until we're reborn
終わらない夢を | This endless dream
These parts symbolize Gojo in a lot of ways, like how he was forced to move on toward a future he wanted to achieve with his friend but now has to achieve alone; chasing a dream that suddenly feels unclear to him as he realizes that despite the fact he was the strongest, he was unable to save the person closest to him. However, I also think this closely matches Getou trying to pursue an unclear dream that he justified himself upon after he massacred the village.
従わないことでしか 忌み嫌われることでしか | Only by being disobedient / only by being hated
Gojo acts against the higher-ups out of spite for what they didn't do for the students when they should've. He wants them to hate him; he wants them to remember him; he wants to get back at them and leave an impression. (This sounded better in my head).
焦りだけでは満たされない ありのままなど見せたくはないね | I don't want to show my true self that won't be satiated with only panic
ヘラヘラと今日も笑っている | I continue to laugh pathetically today
弱音も吐けないままでいる 弱音も吐けないままでいる I'm still unable to whine / I'm still unable to whine
This part is literally just Gojo in a nutshell lmao. He continues to laugh and go on, but really, he's just shattered on the inside.
詭弁に振る舞う 自己暗示さえ | Even the self-affirmation of sophistry
真実に拘る 必要もない | There's no need to fixate on the truth
裏切ってしまいそうな今日が かける言葉もないな | The today that seems like it might betray me / I don't have any words to give
金輪際もう一生なんて憚れば堕ちる | If I hesitate and say I'll never lead a life again, I'll fall
だけど 答えなど待っても君に会えやしないと | But even if I waited for an answer, I wouldn't be able to meet you
Okay lmfao this part is pretty complicated but I can say this part definitely--even if Gojo waited and waited to figure out the reason behind Getou's actions, in the end, it would be pointless, and either way he wouldn't be able to go back in time to right things. And either way, he wouldn't be able to meet the him that he knew and loved anymore. The self-affirmation part does tie in with Gojo making himself move on and tell himself he's the strongest, although personally, I don't believe he can see himself as the strongest without Getou by his side anymore.
相対 武器をとって 感情の鳴る方へ | Relatively we take up our arms and go in the direction our emotions ring
こんな気持ちさえも捨てきれないのなら | If you can't even throw away these feelings
混ざって混ざって生まれ変わるまで | Mixing / Mixing / Until we're reborn
終わらない夢を | This endless dream
I'm kinda too lazy to do this part lol
足りないものばかりの僕ら | Us, who are full of lacking things
The duo...
外見だけ取り繕った | I only patched up my appearance
続かないことに苛立った | I got irritated that things didn't continue
他人を見下し嗤ったんだ | I looked down on others and laughed
そうしないと もう僕の心は壊れてしまうから | If I don't, my heart will break
本当はもうわかってるんだ | But really, I already know
期待されない人生だ | I'm living a life where nobody expects anything from me
Getou reflecting on his past, but at the same time this works perfectly fine for Gojo as well
根拠もないあの日のような | Just like that day without evidence
The day Riko died, the day Getou chose his path, the day Getou and Gojo parted ways, etc.
真っすぐな瞳は | The straightforward eyes
だけど 夢に目覚めた君は何をみるの | But what do you, who awakened in a dream, see?
Getou questioning Gojo probably
最低な日を超えて 最善の成る方へ | Overcoming the worst days / Going toward the best way
どうしたんだ 期待なんてもうしてられないから | What's wrong / I can't keep having expectations anymore
その時をじっと待っている | I'm waiting patiently for that time
曖昧な視界に立って 際限のない方へ | Standing at the vague view / Toward the limitless
こんな気持ちさえも捨てきれないのなら | If you can't even throw away these feelings
混ざって混ざって生まれ変わるまで | Mixing / Mixing / Until we're reborn
This part I already explained earlier
終わらない夢を | This endless dream
その先の君を | [And] to you, ahead of it
THIS PART. THIS PART. IT'S LIKE A MESSAGE TO GETOU. crying
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yandere Trickster x Reader x Yandere Meztli 😍😍
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫: Trickster (@boiling-potato OC) | Meztli (My OC)
𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: You made the terrible mistake of walking in on one of their arguments. Now you have their attention.
𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: I kinda made this so it's just Trickster and Meztli fighting for darling, if that's alright ^^ ! And it's in the form of headcanons since I'm not sure if you wanted it in storyform or not,,, ALSO IM SORRY IF TRICKSTER HERE IS OOC <\33 I felt like I didn't do her justice-- :,0
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Yandere Themes, use of profanities, sadistic tendencies(but there are caring scenes <3), killing scene(like at the front), darling having injuries inflicted onto them, sadistic killers simping over you--, kidnapping, possessiveness + obsession, manipulation, use of threats (receiving)
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: I'm better than you!
Maybe if you hadn't walked pass that murder spree. Maybe if you had listened to your guts and just turned the other way instead of walking by that alleyway just because you had your curiosity piqued when you heard a scream.
Maybe then you wouldn't have made eye contact with .. them.
You didn't even managed to catch a glimpse of how they look,...which now you think about it,,,was kind of a stupid move.. You should've at least seen how they had looked like so that you could've reported it.. damn it..
Did you think you were slick? That they hadn't seen how you moved instantly to hide behind the wall? Oh how cute!
Trickster had been taking her time to savour the death of her victim when Meztli came in to take ahold of the victim infront of her, smirking as he watches her glare at him.
The victim trembled as Meztli held their arm tightly, taunting Trickster with them before finally ending their life with a quick slash to the throat, a loud and shrill scream before they started to gurgle and choke on their blood to which Meztli scoffed and gave a look a disgust before dropping the body.
You cursed yourself for being so damn curious to have came over upon hearing the scream.
You ran, of course, any sane human beind would run for their lives after hearing and seeing that scene.
Oh but terribly clueless you were that you hadn't even thought of the possibility of the two killers seeing you.
Trickster would be the first to find you, coming up to you with a warm and cheery smile.
Her cheerful and bubbly attitude was the one that drew you in. How could you resist it when she had asked to be friends??
She would be extremely sweet with you!
Showering you in constant compliments and hugs. Always there to cheer you up <3
"They're really adorable, y'know? It's so funny that they don't even know who I am!"
She talks about darling to the milkshake house members. However, making it sure that they are never to lay a hand on them.
"If I catch anyone trying to take what's mine, I will not hesitate to stab your hearts out, got me?"
Then Meztli comes in-
Finding you walking down the street, making eye contact with him and even giving him a smile??
Immediately changes his plan to kill you. Now he wants you. Wants to know why you make him feel so weird inside. Why is it that he doesn't want to kill you??
Follows you around but doesn't make himself seen. He lays little notes around to let you know that he's watching, he likes seeing you get scared and how you run off quickly when he makes a sound behind you.
Then his actions gets even bolder, he starts to break into your house and steal your stuff,leaving letters with undistinguisable red stain at the bottom of the paper.
Both of them eventually bumps into each other when they're both planning to kidnap you and they both sort of look at each other like ???
"I found them first Meztli, so you can fuck off."
"Wow would you look at that? I don't care!"
Fights over you constantly. Meztli was the one who knocked you out even though Trickster was probably against that idea of hurting you-
Trickster cares more for darling while Meztli just likes to toy and scare them.
Trickster would probably love this though since darling is more prone to being close to her, always rushing to her or cowering behind her to hide from Meztli.
"Oh sweet thing~ I'll never hurt you!"
"You trust me, right sweetheart? You know I'll never do anything that'll harm you, you know this!"
Meztli doesn't care all that much about darling's well-being if I'm gonna be honest-- He sees them more of an object than a human being.
Yeah he cares for them but,,,he tends to be extremely rough and aggressive with them too.
He'll defend darling from danger; "Only I get to hurt you. If anyone else touches you, I'll rip off their fingertips."
Trickster feels like the type to carve her initials into a part of your body as a reminder to you of what she's capable of and to also show everyone who you belong to. (And to also spite Meztli that she got to them first)
"You love me, right sweetheart?"
Darling can forget about ever escaping because it's either they are unable to or,,,well the consequences are,,, let's just say really painful and it's only painful for darling.
"I'll give you two choices, amour. Either I break your fingers, or your legs. Choose one."
"Oh come on..don't go crying now! You brought this upon yourself.. Ah..you're really starting to get on my nerves.."
Crying only worsens your situation because it's always a 50/50 with Meztli. Either he gets annoyed and just does whatever pain he wants to inflict onto you. Or well, he finds joy in your crying, he thinks it's adorable how desperate you are that you think crying and begging will help you <3
"Cry harder darling, I love it."
Meztli caresses your face as he wipes the tears away tenderly, cooing at you while you're in agonising pain from the injuries he had just done,,,
"You're so pretty even when you're crying.."
These are mainly the,,, well--the red flags version-
#MootsOCs#MootsOCs x Reader#ForMoots#Trickster x Reader#Trickster#AesopeOCs#Meztli#Meztli x Reader#Yandere Meztli#Yandere Trickster#FFO
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guess im going to go full carrie bradshaw on this one but i have to get it out of my chest, not sure if i want you to see this or if it should stay with myself, i guess whatever happens happens. Just for a future reference to myself, life's been pretty kind to me I think. I feel whole in ways I haven't felt in a long time, I feel so grateful for everything that has happened to me over this year, the good and bad. Although I must admit at first I didn't take the bad stuff so well, it hurt too much, I've felt anger in ways I've never fel before, but now I see it was for a greater good and i've learned so much. Especially that i don't need anyone to be happy (I mean that in the sense of a boyfriend), that I can have fun by myself. Because for such a long time I felt like I couldn't be on my own and feel ok about it, I needed to chase love otherwise I'd be miserable. And now I realise it's not like that at all. These last months I felt the happiest I've ever been, I started to appreciate small things, I've grown so many amazing friendships and most importantly I've felt so free. Free of that believe that I need someone, and now that I've realized I don't, I feel like nothing can stop me. I hope this feeling lasts
now that that's out of the way, I have a few (maybe a lot, we'll see) things to say to you. I really didn't want to do this out of anger but I feel like it can get out of my control really fast, I'll try my best
i feel like you're angry at me, and you know, everybody's process is different, and you're allowed to feel whatever you like, but i think you're angry at me for the wrong reasons, with the wrong arguments. I wish I didn't feel like I had to do this, but here I am, needing to defend myself.
you can say that i didn't love you or that i wouldn't do what it takes for you, and you can believe that all you want, whatever makes you feel better about yourself. But we both know that's simply not the truth. I did everything beyond my reach for you, over and over again. I forgave you so many times. I gave you so many opportunities to show that you actually cared about me. But all you ever did was talk, talk about how much you loved me, about me being the one. But you never acted like I was the one. All the lying, hiding and leaving me alone at the times I needed you the most. I remember what your answer were when I would tell you that, you'd say that you weren't doing good either, and that you couldn't take care of me because you needed to take care of yourself. But there were so many times I was down, and you were too, where I would hide my problems just so I could be there for you, and did everything for trying to make you feel better.
I chose you over me every single time, you were my priority
And yet, when you had the chance to make things right with me (i gave you plenty of chances) you chose other people over me (the love of your life, you claimed)
Sometimes I wonder if you ever really loved me at all, because you don't do the things you did to someone you really love. It's that easy
So yeah, at the end I chose myself, I chose the leave the guy who did all of those terrible things to me, who said the most gut wrenching things to me (that I'll remember for a long time) and you can get mad at me all you want for that, for "giving up", as you would probably say. But I did the same exact thing you did to me
also, you like to say I left you for someone else or that kind of tumblr post "when i was thinking about you, you met someone new", real mr. brightside shit if you ask me. but i must remember you, you're the one who did that (you remember at the beach, don't you?). Besides, I see you didn't waste any time replacing me
I'm sorry if it sounded agressive, but for what is worth I'm glad to know you're happy. Maybe in a perfect world things could've been different, but i'm really happy in this world too
As the wise Sylvia Plath once wrote: “I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
(She wrote this at a entirely different idea, but i feel it represents well how I feel)
i wish i could write somenthing pretty at the end but it's impossible to top sylvia plath, so I'll leave it at that (it rymed hehe)
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tw mention cocsa, parental abuse
looking for someone to listen about my story, also questions at the bottom
I was abused by a kid my age when I was really little, ive dealt with all sorts of symptoms bc of that (and other traumas ive been through.) my parents were abusive as well as an ex and my parents stood up always for my other abusers saying maybe they were victimized and I was the bad guy...
there have been some occasions my parents have straight up admitted to abusing me growing up and it felt really good hearing that, still feels really validating even though they didn't mean to validate me they did.... they didn't apologize but they change their story up so many times by saying I was at fault, then saying their abuse was justified (admitting it, YAY), then implying their abuse WASN'T justified (even more YAY) bc they will get defensive and scared saying things like "I was never a bad mother! I tried! cut me slack! im tired of you acting like im so horrible" which idk if you mods agree or not but in a way she's showing she feels guilt and shame bc she knows her abuse towards me wasn't justified....?
also, ive started to do my research and recognize somatic and emotional flashbacks ive been dealing with, some I can relate to specific traumas, I usually try not to think of any of my memories or abusers
but rare times when i decided to think hard about a specific abusive scenario I went through with a specific abuser and I went into this sort of horrible emotional/phsycial state along with somatic experiences with some of my five senses re-experiencing I guess things I don't remember too well about the event usually goes on for half-hour to 3 hours. some of these are new and scary.
im glad in a way to be experiencing these things bc I grew up believing my abusers that I was abusive. but my reactions to being abused were completely valid and normal...
sometimes if I think about specific trauma events I start feeling physical sensations like my whole face becoming flush and hot, heart racing. but it goes away quickly sometimes. idk what that is but the memories feel like dreams and its kind of validating when I experience that stuff bc I know its real when strong, scary emotions and physical sensations are attached to the memories, esp newer ones I keep getting...
and I get auditory hallucinations which scare the living shit out of me. I feel like I get into states of fear for my life. idk if thats a flashback or not?? idk if im psychotic or not?
I also have a question? is it normal to feel "obsessed" with your abuser or preoccupied with arguments in your head with your abuser? is that cptsd symptoms or am I just weird for that? seems contradicting bc I try not to think of the abuse, and get irrited with intrusive thoughts about it, yet sometimes obsessively choose to think about arguing w my abuser and I get so heated....
Hi anon,
I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. It sounds like you've endured a lot of painful and isolating experiences that can be incredibly challenging to grapple with, and please know that you're not alone.
It can be especially frustrating and isolating to experience your parents immediately siding with your abusers instead of considering your perspective or feeling protective over you. It seems that their abusive behavior towards you over time explains why they don't support and care for you in the way you deserve.
I can understand how validating it can be when our abusers admit to what they've done. But sometimes they mention these things in a nonchalant or unapologetic way because they fail to recognize the gravity of their actions, and perhaps they haven't changed. It's important to remember that there is no excuse or justification for abuse, and it's common for abusers to construct reasons to avoid accountability. It's possible that the way your mom responded could suggest that she feels guilt, but it could also just be an attempt to justify her actions instead of take responsibility for them or feel guilty.
It sounds like you may have been experiencing flashbacks when you described the sort of sensual and emotional state that lasted for several hours. It's understandable how it can feel validating to experience this when your abusers have been painting you as the abuser and playing the victim themselves (aka DARVO). But alongside these other physical sensations such as a racing heartbeat and a hot face, it's important to find a healthy balance between allowing yourself to experience these physical symptoms and validating your trauma in less distressing ways.
Feeling obsessed with your abuser and preoccupied with arguments with your abuser in your head can be a part of rumination. Please know that you're not alone in experiencing this and it doesn't make you weird at all. There are many reasons why trauma survivors do this, and sometimes these thoughts are intrusive. Rumination can be especially difficult in the case of CPTSD, because a trauma survivor with a string of traumatic events has multiple different things to ruminate on, and it can be hard to ruminate about one aspect of the trauma without starting to think about another.
These could be things to bring up with a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. A therapist can help you process your trauma, work with you to explore these symptoms and discover where they may be coming from, as well as finding healthier ways to validate your trauma.
If anyone would like to make any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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i had a rly similar experience w/ an older guy at 14🥺💞 i’m so sorry. all that sounds familiar, but for me going no contact with him was the right thing to do. if you feel ok to share,, what was the emotional abuse like?
i'm so sorry that we've both been through this.
some further venting and stuff below:
sometimes i still struggle to feel like im allowed to call it emotional abuse, especially since i really didn't recognise any of it as genuinely harmful at the time. it was just a lot of little things that he'd play off as funny and quirky about our dynamic, like the fact that i was the only one in our friend group who had never had an argument with him or left the group chat. when he disagreed with someone else it was always really messy and horrible and so i just never disagreed with him and i think he liked that about me, how much i was willing to twist myself to get along with him. on the surface it was really funny and cute how our dynamic seemed to fit, since i was always
it was only really earlier this year when i was really severely struggling with my mental health that i realised how much talking to him about my problems made me feel worse since he had this way of dismissing and minimising every issue i would talk about, but he'd play it off as him trying to comfort me and thinking that was what was good for me, even after i told him repeatedly that it just made me more upset when he told me my problems didn't matter. he'd say stuff like 'i'm sorry that talking to me is such a burden for you. why are you even friends with me if i'm clearly such a struggle for you.' when i'd try and express a boundary, very classic shit lmao.
and i guess on a wider level, probably not even very intentionally, he just had this way of making me second guess my own thoughts. i remember one of the few fights we had before this year was after i was really upset with the results of a drama competition i was in and i was complaining about some of the systemic and class-related issues in my area and how the resources of the school that won were directly related to their win. he basically just started belittling me and telling me that i was wrong about this and everything i did and maybe i just wasn't as good as i thought i was and i was just lying to myself about other factors to feel better. even when i explain this whole thing to other people i get really paranoid and feel like people will agree with him and think I'm stupid and full of myself and like. the way that he said all of that really fucked me up and kind of set me back a lot mentally since I've struggled really badly with my self-esteem and imposter syndrome for a really long time and he KNEW all of that and still said these really horrible things that he knew would send me into tailspin of self-hatred.
also idk if it really counts since like,,, it was good for me in the end even if the way he approached it was dodgy but he basically got me to break up with my partner when i was 17 in a way that i now feel a little iffy about, since he was the only person i really talked to about it and he sort of goaded me into doing it when i was having second thoughts.
it definitely wasn't very good of me either but once after a fight we had (where we were both in the wrong) i was feeling really upset with the way he handled conflicts and i was desperate for some feeling of connection with someone who KNEW him and his emotions in the same way i did and i requested his ex on Instagram and i didn't even message her or do anything but bc he stalked her religiously he saw that she had accepted and that i followed her now and he basically just went off at me accusing me of trying to conspire with her to ruin his life and telling me i was stupid for thinking she would agree with me and telling me i was horrible and needed mental help (i mean i did but not in the way that he meant it lol) etc etc etc. like it wasn't like i was 100% in the right because the argument that we had i got far too invested bc of some of the personal shit i was going through at the time but like. it was just really really horrible.
that's just some of the stuff ive been thinking about i guess anon, tbh it has been really helpful to type this all out because as i read it back I'm like wow. if this were someone else's story id be like holy shit that's awful I'm so sorry. and that rlly helps me remember that I'm not insane or making things up or just being dramatic. and even if his version of things is different from mine, what remains is the fact that he hurt me really badly over a period of years. it feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy almost, like he made me promise at one point that i wouldn't stop talking to him once i started uni and got a whole new life with new friends and stuff like his ex did which. is p much exactly what happened this year lol. anyways im thriving as much as can be reasonably expected in the current climate and my life is genuinely a lot better without the constant stress of trying to keep up a friendship with him,,
#it probably says a lot that i got paranoid for a second that this ask was secretly from him trying to 'gotcha!' me about his behaviour#like im 99% sure he doesnt know this blog but. man he did a number on my brain lol#anyways lol
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