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#also i showed this to my mom and she told me she didnt like the eyelashes cuz she didnt know i drew it 😭😭
guinevereslancelot · 1 month
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most fucked up thing at my new job is there's only zero calorie sweeteners at the coffee station in the break room. three different kinds of zero calorie sweetener but no regular sugar because the assumption is that literally everyone is on a diet?
#is this because its a job dominated by women in particular??? idk#that's so weird#like sorry i can taste the difference and i prefer naturally occurring sugar from nature how is that not even an option#drinking nasty bitter af coffee bc i am So Sleepy but i refuse to use artificial sweeteners#they Do taste different and they're not even good for you im not doing that lol#also they got mad at me for telling one of the parents that we took one of the kids temperature and it was 99 and he threw up a little#when his dad came to get him yesterday and all of the other teachers were nowhere to be found#they were like tou shouldnhave had colleen do that#ma'am colleen went home before that and so did you#i should have left already too but waited bc the ratio on the playground was bad#anyway i did NOT say he had a fever i said it was 99 and to talk to the teacher inside#but the dad didnt yalk to her clearly then went home and scared the mom that he had a fever and threw up so she texted my boss freaking out#i literally just said he threw up a little and we took his temperature and it was 99 and to talk to the other teacher#which was all true and there was no one else there to tell him#anyway#apparently the person who had my job before me was a wacko who scared the parents with fake medical information or something#but that is not my fault and nobody told me that or not to tell the parents anything medical until this morning#ugh#also my supervisor is kind of a weirdo#she wanted to show everyone ~cute~ pictures of animals she has killed while hunting???#and i said i didnt want to see#and she was like ~oh it's not dead yet in the picture~#like okay but its dead now???#she traps them first so its a cute little fox in a trap about to be killed 😭#like wtfff#i know trappong predators is a reality but why take pictures like ohhh so cute then kill it#THEN show everyone the cute pictures like yeah isnt he adorable i killed him btw <3#huh??????#she has a bobcat tail on her keychain too she was giving it to the teachers and kids to pet like ohhh its so soft <3
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jackleopard · 6 months
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found a friendship bracelet from my trip that i left in my backpack and now im thinking of the two little boys on the airport who got so excited when I told them I had messi-themed friendship bracelets, I hope they still have them <3
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slutdge · 7 months
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I dont really think ive processed just how badly my dads behavior has effected me this year its really the worst it has ever been and i think im avoiding thinking too hard about it cause i know im a danger to myself if i do lol
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deicide-doll · 2 months
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trigger warning. do not read if you dont want to read something triggering.
#my bf is a fucking rapist#i told him i didnt want to have sex again because it was getting late and i have work tomorrow#and he usually takes a long time to finish after round 1 so i didnt want to stay up an extra hour#and he started manipulating me and pleading and saying he loved me and i dont know why i capitulated but#the fact that i said ok after 10 no's?#and i was crying#i was crying while i sucked his dick and while he fucked me#and he told me to struggle more because he found it hot#he thinks rape is hot#and after he joked about being a good manipulator and being able to get me to disregard my boundaries#which is true#but like he knows im an abuse survivor and have trouble with boundaries#the fuckdd up thing is he was the one who taught me to have boundaries#he told me to tell my mom to eat a dick when shes egging on my eating disorder#he told me i didnt have to stick around when my mom was calling me slurs for breaking dishes or failing classes#and here he is being proud that he managed to get through an abuse victims boundaries#he also joked about waking up to the cops at his door#which like shows that deep down inside he knows what he did is wrong#and if i wasnt such a cool girl i could get him into trouble#not like cops here persecute rape anyways but#i pretended to like it after the fact because i still needed him to take me home and i didnt wanna start a fight#but holy shit#idk what to do...#i mean im going to leave him fuck the trip#im shaking i dont even know how ill be able to go to work tomorrow#when this whole thing was over me wanting to get a reasonable amount of sleep on a work night#misiabear rants
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pansyfemme · 2 years
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height of my night is my dad talking abt the gay bars in town and being like ‘oh that ones a straight meat market!! naked guys dancing on tables and all that!’ and then i was like. isnt the one you used to go to. and he was like. yeah
#before my dad met my mom he was deeply in love with this trans woman who did drag shows at this local gay bar#and he would go every night. she died of aids but he still speaks abt her so fondly its sweet#but this particular club is what he calls ‘full of old fashioned queers’#the windows were still painted so no one could see inside type old fashioned.#and he talks abt it so fondly but also he’s like. a bit more open abt why he visited so often#now my brother and i are older and also gay#men lmaooo…#my dad straight up told me the best cruising spots one time. that was fun#i think a lot of time when ppl think of older bi men they think of guys who identified as straight or gay then settled down and#figured out when they were older but my dad’s known he’s bisexual since he was#15. and like. he was rlly in gay culture at the time#and its tbh nice hearing abt it. its not like.#super graphic what he says but i acknowledge that my dad had other partners before my mom. some of them men.#and its just like kinda cool to have that elder queer prescense in my family#of course my moms the same way. she talks abt her life working on all#women farms. and living in san francisco and .#being in this lesbian scene in the 80’s and its so cool..#i will admit. i didnt know my parents were queer until i had already come out#but they never. hid it from us it just never came up.#but once it did it was rlly nice to have that perspective.#bc my parents are from a different era of queer ppl it was hard to get them to understand transition at first#bc my dad didnt really know the difference between trans people and ‘crossdressers’ bc a lot of ppl considered themselves as both#when he was in the scene.#but they learned and its just nice to have multiple generations of queer ppl in the family#its comforting.#knowing that my brother and i are educating them as much as they are to us.
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meowsogynist · 6 months
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Whoever said sisters forgive and forget have not met my sister
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snobgoblin · 10 months
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is the "my mom was obsessed with teen pop stars and with tlc kids dancing shows so she was convinced i was going to be the next britney spears" thing common or was that just my mom. I feel like that was a whole thing
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vamptastic · 1 year
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a lot of people are being lied to by their parents and teachers and pastors and a lot of people don't want to ever confront that fact. doesn't matter how much access to information has improved, i think the core of the issue is still primarily that people don't feel comfortable with changing their minds, whether it's because it'd isolate them from family, or because they'd have to confront that they were wrong or did something wrong. ive spoken to so many people my age where ive spent hours digging into their misfounded belief, figuring out what misinfo they were told and why, used the internet to firsthand show them exactly what lie they were told and empirical evidence of the truth, and then had them go, yeah, well, i still disagree. i mean, dont automatically assume someone is wrong because they have the same access to info as you and are just stupid, but willful ignorance is definitely still a thing.
#fine ill go ask my mom but you're still wrong and vaccines are dangerous#talked to this antivaxx kid#figured out exactly why he thought that#he said an uncle went into a coma and died of uhh think it was the polio vax in the 70s#sounded weird to me so i looked up stats on polio vaccine deaths n showed them to him. asked if he was allergic#kid said no. said it happens to tons of people while i showed him stats on how it doesnt#i mean the medical anomaly he was describing in the specific time/place was literally impossible#i think his uncle died of aids maybe exacerbated by early hiv drugs and his family lied to him tbh#but like man i was literally showing him stats on this specific drug#looking up his uncles name finding zero news reports on his death or any similar to his#i mean hed been told a lie he had so clearly been told a lie#and the best i got out of him was#fucking. pre covid vaccine too. people are sometimes just. Wrong on purpose.#had a similar convo with a gungho military rotc girl#cos i was chatting w a friend about her recruiter brother and we were both like damn. hate the military.#and this girl butts in to say oh i wanna be a marine with this tone of like. checkmate libtard. salute me and respect my service right now.#she had literally sat there. for upwards of an hour. hearing from a direct secondhand source exactly what lies recruiters tell#EXACTLY how recruiters are lied to themselves. by someone ALSO FROM a military family#and just. didnt listen. at all.#i personally did not fucking like her so i just raised my voice kept making my points to my friend and ignored her#but like man she had all the information. she sat there and watched us verify it and discuss it and just didn't absorb any of it.#had another similar thing with a kid about neopronouns-told him about leslie feinberg and stone butch blues and told him to google it#(because again he had just butted into my convo and i didnt want to spend an hour reading quotes to him)#fucking. completely ignored me said maybe that's true but i still think this neopronouns business is stupid. you're ok though.#not that he used the pronouns. that HE asked for. for me after that.#like man. okay. i do my fucking level best to talk to these people. i give them the tools. they HAVE the tools#people also just don't fucking want to confront their beliefs and don't want to do the most basic research!
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deelovesbooks · 3 months
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Today was truly a learning experience for my sister. I had to pass on vital information as a good older sibling should including
how texting worked on flip phones, paying per text, buying ringtones, which lead to how you used to buy songs from iTunes and then you owned them, how subscription based music platforms work now, what a wet willie swirlie and purple nurple are (with a demonstration of wet willie as a right of passage), and finished off with student wage vs adult wage and that taxes are taken from your paycheck for various things
so all in all a decent information session which occurred on the trampoline as all conversations should
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Saw a post going around that said "use this picrew to make you now + you as a kid" and I thought it was fun :)
#the 'moles' arent really moles btw i tried to represent my acne bc i have/always have had a lot of it#i used to have pierced ears but around age 12-13 it started making me dysphoric so i dropped it and the holes closed up over time#i had so much dysphoria when i didnt know what trans meant...#i was also kind of a bully withiut realizing because expressing affection is weird and i was kind of a tsundere type kid honestly#sent a few friends to the doctors without realizing because i fought with them a lot physically as a way to express affection#...except i went way overboard and no one ever told me because i was too intimidating. only learned about it years later#i had problems with self control and never knew how much strength i had/was using at any given moment so it caused. problems#nothing permanent thankfully#i selected round eyes for my kid self for the Vibe but ive always had almond-shaped eyes. it didnt like. change#everyone else in my family has roundish shaped eyes so we have no idea where /that/ gene comes from lol#i never stopped wearing hoodies though. there are a few habits i picked up at that age that i never let go of#(namely: im very weird about clothes.)#sunny#picrew#it has been a WHILE since i've posted a picrew here. damn#other notes: selected a smile for the vibes but me never smiling was actually a real problem.#i had to train myself to smile in front of my mom because she wouldn't shut up about it and got upset at me constantly for it#(i had the tbh creature straight face 24/7 and she took it as a show of disrespect which. what)#also i do have moles on my face other than the acne i just have a lot more acne than i have moles so. its more important
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faultsofyouth · 8 months
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I haven't eaten a pizza lunchable since I was 16 and I threw up an entire undigested one (3 distinct pizza crusts) while I was on acid
#my posts#that acid trip sucked#for one thing the only person i was tripping with was my 23 year old coworker who i didnt know very well#my actual friend was supposed to trip sit me but all he did was blare super overstimulating lights and music that i didnt like#and then when his gf (also my bestie) showed up she was in a bad mood so he spent the rest of the trip talking to her and ignoring us#and then because she was in a bad mood she and him decided that they should fuck with me and tell me how mad they were at me#because months before that they came into my house uninvited to look for acid that they didnt tell me they were sending to my house#and because they came over uninvited the only person home was my MOM who doesnt like acid and was not okay with having it in her house#so then my mom found out that they were shipping drugs to my house and wanted to call the cops on them#so 5 hours later i got home from work to discover all this and so then i had to tell them they cant send drugs to my house or my mom will#call the police on them. and unbeknownst to me they were both already on acid so then they started freaking out about getting arrestes#arrested**. and somehow it was all MY fault that they had a bad trip. because i told them that they werent allowed to ship drugs to my house#and that my mom was pissed at them for lying to her and to me. so then they decided to take revenge the next time i was tripping and they#werent??? u know. ive never thought about that too hard before now. but that was kind of shitty friend behavior all around#like first they do something super illegal but be sure to use My address so they dont get in trouble for it if the drugs got caught#and then they got mad at Me for setting a boundary and then decided to Punish me for setting that boundary at a time when they were too high#to be handle it. all at a time when they knew i wasnt staying at my parents house because my stepdad had threatened me#(while my bestie was there to Witness) so i was highly dependent on them for a sense of security#and they knew that and they thought it would be funny to fuck with me anyway???#okay but then after that i stole her boyfriend so i guess all is fair in love and war
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locknessy10 · 1 year
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Ahhhhhhhh
#vent in tags#vent#i cant believe my fucking mom#the last 4 years since i haven't been living at home ive gotten only soap for christmas#which while also being a passive-aggressive way to say i smell which turns out is due to my thyroid thay she fucking knew about#its the gift you get to say you hate somene#saying oh i put more thought into it then buying just a tub of popcorn but not enough thought to get you something you actually want#and i broke down about it last year to my brother because i was still no matter how much i hate my family and dont talk to them#i was still buying them all gifts and the one 'family' gift i got was fucking soap#and i told him i dont care if you or our sibling gets me gifts its not important to me#i care that the fact that i had to sit and watch everyone open thought out gifts while i got soap and im tired of my mom not caring about m#so this year idk if he talked to her or if she is really feeling like being generous because my fucking dad died#she spent over 100$ for a gift for me#and like its thought out technically the complete doctor who series and dean's necklace#but it doesn't feel thought out it feels like shes putting on a show like these gifts are sudenly easy because its what i used to be into#she didnt have to learn anything new about me or what i like she could stick me in a box of before we stopped getting along and call itaday#sure im thankful she even got me a gift but ut feels like shes saying#see im a good mom you should talk to me and forgive me because im a good mom'#im sick of her im sick of this stupid fucking holiday
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rottingcompost · 1 year
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Extremely funny how when I told my grandma that the only person in the family who i wouldnt come out to is my grandpa on moms side (grandmas ex husband) she wasnt even surprised on multiple levels. Funny but also pretty sad that she understands why I dont trust him enough to tell him more about myself lmao.
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babybinko · 10 months
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Made a TON of Venture Bros. genderbends :D
Bonus + some of my thoughts on all the designs under the cut:
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This is from a conversation I had with a friend about how Dermott and Hank would behave in this AU (its exactly the same as normal)
Ok now some thoughts on my design process
Hank: I think I drew Hank's face actually perfect, I made her so cute. I also feel like there's a common trope with genderbends where athletic characters get short hair so I gave her long hair and gave Dean short hair. I actually think the longer hair fits her perfectly. ALSO I LOVE HER BOOTS.
Dean: I gave goth Dean more Accessories than normal because normal goth dean had no fucking swag (it was besties idea to make her pants ripped). Even before I started drawing college Dean I knew I was giving her those legwarmers you can pry them from my cold dead hands. Same with the legwarmers I knew the first dean design needed a Jean skirt its just the vibes.
Dermott: The millisecond I even thought about doing Dermott I KNEW she would be 2012 grunge girl aesthetic. Gigantic shoplifting energy. Love her.
Rusty: I wanted her to look like a mean mom and I believe I accomplished that goal. Absolutely had to add the glasses strap. Very Jamie Lee Curtis.
Brock: I drew the one with the hair down first and my friends preferred the one with the hair up so I just did both. I wonder if she was a cheerleader in college and killed another girl on her cheer squad by throwing her too far/dropping them.
21: I drew 21 then I realized I had just drawn myself with bangs. Also I drew her with a blunt because there's an episode where 21 has a joint in his mouth the whole episode the other henchmen are standing in stupid poses in the background and its maybe one of my favorite bits in the entire show its so stupid.
24: 24 took several attempts to get the hair right I kept drawing it short and curly and my friend told me to give her Elaine from Seinfeld hair which I think ended up working really well.
Monarch: One of my favorites I did. I feel like this one you can definitely tell how Bayonetta completely re-arranged my brain chemicals as teenager. I love the hip cutouts, I made a tummy cutout to kind of mimic how Dr.GF's monarch costume is kinda skimpy. It's also hard to tell because of the cowl but I tried to give her like a finger waves hairstyle.
Dr.Gf: I tried a bunch of different hats but my friends liked the brimless hat the most and completely doomed him into looking like a Bellhop (more than he already did). Its giving Tyler the Creator at the 2020 Grammys. I still think he's cute though :)
Billy: I really didnt want to just draw her in a suit because thats boring. The show always gives me 60s vibes despite being set in modern day (I'm sure its on purpose) and I definitely channeled that with Billy. It took a couple tries to find a balance between fitting her body but still looking adult but I think I got it in the end.
Pete: YAYYYY PETE YAAAAYY!!! ^_^ Shes so Ava Max Coded. I also gave her giant buckles on her shoes to match his stupid ass one two buckle my shoes ass shoes.
Triana: Very much looks like putting emo boy in the Pinterest search bar. I made her thigh highs into his sleeves and I gave him square bangs like her.
Dr. Orpheus: NEEDED to make her a hot milf and I did. Its a little hard to see but her shirt has lace over the open part. I love the hair Jewerly at the bottom of her braid. :)
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iouinotes · 5 months
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Beautiful Boy | Alex Walter
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pairing: Alex Walter x female!reader
show: My life with the Walter Boys
warnings: mostly fluff and love confessions, but a bit of implied sexual activities
word count: 4,6k
summary: You are completely in love with your best friend. When the chance is given, you decide to finally take it and show your love.
a/n: The story will mention a review from the past, where they play truth or dare. So, I was inspired to write that scenario: match made in heaven is here!
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He's everything I ever wished for. It´s silly, thinking about it, really. My ongoing crush for him since the first time I met him all these years ago.
It was during the first day after the winter holiday. It was dark outside, very cold and rainy weather. Well, unfortunately it did not look like that in the morning, so I instantly panicked after school, because I forgot to bring my jacket. Normally one of my friends picked me up after school and drove me home, but she was sick today and I heard about her being ill, last minute.
So now I´m standing in the hallway, debating if I should better start to go to the bus station (probably getting soaked) or if I just walk to the school library, hoping that the weather cools down. I was drowning in my own thoughts, when I first heard his voice.
"Are you okay?" The second my eyes landed on him, I was gone for good. Because the boy in front of me was utterly beautiful. Handsome round face, freckles, warm brown eyes and a shy smile. One look at him and I fell in love with his beauty. Little did I know, I would soon fall head over heals for his personality or the way his voice sounds when he is making fun of me, because I believe in love at first sight. How could I not, when I have met him?
He was very caring the first time we met. Even though I was embarrassed of my situation, he made me feel comfortable. When I told him about my difficulty, he instantly helped me out. He told me, that his brother also picked him up from school every day, so it wouldnt be a problem, if I came along. Not only this sweet gesture made me speechless, it was also the way he stripped out of his jacket and gave it to me without hesitation, when we went outside and he saw that I didnt bring a jacket.
"What? No, I can´t-" I tried to argue, but one blink of his lashes, one look at his eyes, was enough to keep me occupied. "My mom would kill me, if I didnt. It´s okay, I dont mind." He really was the sweetest. His jacket kept in fact, keep me warm. And it also smelled like him, thats what made me blush in the end. I didnt know, if he noticed me looking at him from time to time (but then again, he nowadays didnt noticed it either), but I could not contain myself.
He was a gentleman, shy and adorable. He was all I wished for in a guy. When his brother - who I idetified as the most popular guy of our school- Cole, came in sight, only then it clicked. The boy in front of me, with his nervous smile, was Alex Walter.
When the car parked and the headlights were visible in the rain, we quickly ran to the blue vehicle. His brother didnt talk much, so the car ride was mostly quiet, my eyes were out the window and my thoughts were on Alex previous gesture of holding the door open for me. He didnt intend for me to fall in love with him, but I couldnt think of anything else to do, better than exactly that.
"I didnt get your name?" was all he said, when the car stopped in front of my house. "Oh right, sorry. Im y/n." He smiled again at me and my heart wanted to jump out off my chest. I didnt really notice Cole in the front and his famous "Cole effect". I was all catched up, by the beautiful boy next to me.
"Alex" he shook my hand and it made me giggle. I saw his ears turning pink at my laughter, so I smiled at him, so he knew I wasnt making fun of him. He relaxed then, but much to my dislike the blonde brother spoke up, before I could say something else. "I dont have all day, so are you two done looking at each other or can you go now? I swear, I saw y´all nearly kiss." At that, I was the one who turned red. "Sorry, thanks for the ride and-" as I wanted to strip off the jacket, Alex stopped my movements. "Oh no, you can have it. I mean- it´s still raining outside, I-I dont want you to get sick." Maybe I was already at that exact moment, falling in love with him. I also think, that his words made my cheeks turn a shade of red, that wasnt even on a scala anymore, because it was so high.
"But when do I give it back to you?" The last thing I wanted to do, was crossing a line with the Walter brothers. And maybe I also hoped to see him again. "Tomorrow? I will be in the gaming room in third grade. If thats okay with you?" He spoke quickly, because Cole kept getting more annoyed. "No, its fine. Thank you, Alex." I kissed him on the cheek (dont know where that one came from) and before I could look back, I was already out of the car and running towards the house. When I opened the door and the warmth embraced me, I looked out of the window from my house. The car was already gone, but I remember smiling so bright, I almost could not contain the happy feeling that consumed me.
That was the first time, my diary heard of Alex Walter.
The next day, I searched through three gaming rooms before I finally found him, starring at his laptop. As soon as I tapped him gently on the shoulder, he turned around and looked at me suprised. When he asked me, if I had had any trouble finding him, I said "what no, it took five minutes", when in reality it took 20 minutes, but he sounded really sincere, so it didnt matter.
That was the start of our ever-lasting friendship. We became best friends quickly and are verly close ever since, he is my other half. We are always together, in the hallway, at lunch, we see each other at the weekends and we even got the price "the best of best friends" by our friendgroup. I mean it was funny and its nice, really. But it says everything. We are just friends.
It´s very funny actually, because he knows me better than anyone and I can´t keep one secret from him. He just knows, when something is up. But my biggest secret of all time, that was the part where he was clueless about.
My love for him.
He just doesnt notice and I tried to not show it, but everyone knows I like him. Well, expect for him. When I look at him too long, because I (again) got lost in his eyes or looked a second too long at his lips, while he talked, he thinks he has something on his face. When I compliment him, for literal anything, he thinks I make fun of him, so he doesn't take it seriously. And I tried almost everything, so he could finally notice. Maybe then he could make the first move.
I once talked about my ideal type, because it was a truth or dare on my birthday party and I literally described him - he didnt notice. I swoon on a daily basis over his beauty, his intelligence , his personality, his habits, his cute flaws like staying up all night to play a video game - he doesnt know. I tried to learn his favorite video game, I read the Lord of the Rings saga, I even watched baseball games with him, I do anything so he will notice, how much I care about him. But he just doesn't get it.
If I would know, he simply didnt like me that way, I could somehow cope with that. But then, there are moments, where I would catch him starring at me, where he seems to be the one wanting me. He watches romantic movies with me and lets me cry about it after, when I´m sad about the ending, Sometimes I even get to lay on his chest. He listens when I talk about my newest book obsession, he goes shopping with me, even though he hates it. He helps me studying and I can tell him anything, he´s always there for me.
So it could be, that maybe my feelings were not completely unrequited. But then again, why didnt he made a move by now? Nevertheless, it keeps me awake at night. Because I want nothing more than to kiss his soft lips, feel his skin against mine, to look at his eyes and study every single freckle from his neck to his forehead. I want to love him. In a way, he knows it.
These feelings, these thoughts are constantly in my head. Especially now, when I sit across him and simply look at his concentrated face. His eyebrows are drawn together, he´s currently biting on his bottom lip, his nose scrunched in a frown. The light of his room shows me every little detail of his face. In moments like this, on a friday evening, where we study together for a biology test, I wish he would know how I feel about him. Because it would make everything so much easier.
Its currently raining outside, a remember of our first encounter, the clouds are dark and I hear loud thunder since the last couple of minutes went by. "Do you think, it will get better? The weather clearly looks bad." I shift my gaze to look at him and when I catch him starring at me, my heart swells in my chest.
I want to break the distant between us and close the gap of our lips. Want to get to know every little detail of his body. But as he speaks up, I clear my head. "I dont know, Danny said something about a storm. I honestly didnt know, it would be that bad." He closes his textbook and stands up, looking out the window. ,,Should I go?" My question suprises him. "Now? I think if you take a step outside, you will get swept up by your feet. It´s not safe." He looks at me unwary. "I dont know, I always wanted to fly. Maybe thats a sign." I grin at him and he laughs quietly. "Yeah, of course. Let me ask my dad, what he thinks is for the best. Maybe he can get you an umbrella and you do your best Mary Poppins impression."
~~~~~~
30 minutes later I find myself in a full-on Walter-family-disscussion. "But uncle! I dont get to have girls stay overnight. Thats unfair!" Lee is looking at George, unable to hide his jealousy. "When did a girl ever wanted to stay overnight with you?" Isaac asks from across the table. Lee just ignores him, an angry look in his eyes.
"Look, its nothing that I will allow forever. But right now, she cant go home, so she is welcomed to stay here." I smile at him, thankful that I´m not getting thrown out. "Also, she is like a thirteen family member. She´s practically living here." George added. One look at Alex and I wanted to know what he was thinking. Was I just like a sister to him? "Okay enough of that. Y/n, dear you are welcome to stay the night. We will figure it out. Nathan is staying with Skylar, so his bed is free." I´m glad, Katherine is here. I thank her and George and by the time, we ate dinner and Alex got me a toothbrush, so I could get ready for bed, it was late after 11.
As I make my way back to Alex's room after using the bathroom to change into my clothes, leaving me with shorts and a shirt, Cole is suddenly standing next to me. "Well, what a great opportunity for you." He grins at me. At his comment, I am visible confused. "What do you mean?" I look up to his smiling figure. "You have him all by yourself, of course. Your chance to finally do something. I can´t stand it anymore, you like him and he likes you. I always thought you were the clever one out of you two, so please put everyone out of this misery and kiss him, because he´s a complete idiot. It's long overdue for you two to get together."
His words leave me stunned. After he´s done talking, he makes his way silently back to his own room and I´m still standing in the hallway, trying to process his words. Kiss him. He likes you. Does Alex really likes me or is that some cruel joke for Cole? I hope not. Because my friends have told me several times, that they think, Alex likes me too. But I always thought, they were wrong.
My heart is heavily pounding as I make my way back to his room, taking a deep breath as I open the door. Alex is playing a video game, as always, but I see that he also changed into something more comfortable. It helps me calm down my nerves, when I see him doing something, he always does. I take a few steps towards his chair and his concentrated figure.
I mean, what was there in life, if I didnt take any risks? If he likes me back, it could be the answer to all my dreams and if not - well, the weather was still going pretty bad and could help me out of the awkward situation.
When I decided to test their he-likes-you-too-theory, I quickly came up with a plan. Okay, so I wasnt the best at flirting, that was for sure, but I could make a move. For starters, I wanted something, I often thought about.
As I stand behind him, I trace my fingers along his shoulders, hearing his surprised breath, that he quickly tries to hide. Well too bad, I heard it.
"Alex?" My voice is quiet.
"...yes?" I can see his muscles tense, while I keep touching his shoulders, going lower until I touch his arm. Something about what Cole said, about Alex liking me, gives me a certain confidence, that wasnt there before. Please dont let the King of hooking up be wrong.
"Could I borrow one of your hoodies? I´m freezing and only have my shirt." I try not to think about the possibility that he laughs in my face and says no. But then again, I know that Alex wouldnt do that. "I-uh, yeah. You can, um, grab one out of my closet." I smile to myself, when I see his eyes nervously scanning the display. He paused the game, even though he doesnt look at me while he talks.
"Thanks." As I turn towards his closet, I get the feeling that he´s secretly watching me choose a hoodie. When I get a hold on a dark green one, I immediately know its the one from when we first met. I take it and walk towards the other bed, getting a glimpse of his eyes, that continue to follow me. And then I do something, I thought I would never do in front of him. I change out of my top, the cold air hitting my skin and I hear him gasps.
When I change into his hoodie, a settling warmth embraces me. I smile to myself, a joy blooms in my chest, the feeling of wearing his clothes, makes me feel too good to be true. The shorts I´m wearing are the same ones as before and I think, that I kinda like the casual look. And maybe it looks fine, that could be a good way to get Alex attention. My shorts cover my thighs, but because his hoodie is bigger than what I normally wear, this way it looks like I only wear his hoodie.
When I turn around and fix my hair, he already started another game again. Okay, mission getting-some-sort-of-reaction, is starting to get interesting. "Soo, what do you think? Too big?" I wait for his reaction. When he slowly turns around, one hand holding up his headphones, I see him trying not to stare too hard. But since I see his eyes scanning my body, it´s impossible for him to pretend. I smile to myself.
"And?" I make a step in his direction, watching him swallow. His eyes wander to the floor and a nervous expression crosses his face. "I- I need to finish this game so-" he turns around so fast, I´m almost surprised his neck didnt broke. Shit. That wasnt part of the plan. I glance around the room, trying to come up with something, another way to keep his attention at me. I sit on his bed, near his computer and decide to watch him play. I hear the sound of the game playing in the background, while I continue to think of a way for him to notice me.
And even though I keep my hands to myself, I see him sqirming in his seat. I laugh quietly. "Everything okay?" it seems he isnt that concentrated anymore. "Yeah, uh, are you bored? You never watch me play." His head turns to look at me. "You could teach me some moves." I say, looking at him and then the game, that shows a spider attacking some creature. He raises his eyebrows at my words.
"You sure? I thought you didnt like video games." My eyes wander to his lap as I quickly come up with a plan. "Maybe I will like it, if you show me some tricks. And also, I like you and you´re really interested in gaming, so I thought I could make an effort." His cheeks are blushing, my eyes are starring at his clueless ones.
A smile tucks at his lips, but he tries to keep his cool. "I mean, I´m really good at this, so I could teach you one or two lessons. Where do you want to sit? I only have one gaming chair, but-" he glances around the room, trying to come up with something.
"Well, we could share?" I ask, my voice sounding sincere and not as much thrilled at the idea, to sit in his lap, even though I am freaking out in my thoughts. His eyes widen, when he realizes what I just said.
"You want to-" he doesn't finish his sentence, stuttering at the idea of me sitting on his lap. "If thats okay with you, of course? I think its the best solution, I mean I do want the full experience. So its fair." I see him nervously licking his lips. "Yeah, yeah. I get that. Okay, cool, how do you want to-" I smile at him and his nervous speech. "Just relax, I dont bite. You do know that, right?" I laugh when I see his ears turning pink.
"Right. So uh, come here, I guess?" He puts his arms on the armrests to give me good access and I feel myself getting nervous. God, I never got to be this close to him. I stand up, his eyes take my form in his sweater in, I see him starring at the naked skin. And when I see something shining in his hair, I act without a second thought.
"You have something in your hair, dummy." It's a little paper ball from Benny, probably from the previous dinner (fight), I lean myself down, facing him forward in his lap and cross my legs over his thighs. I don't notice what position we are in until I lean back to show him the piece of paper and suddenly, I'm just a few centimeters from his face. Shocked by the less to no space we have left between us, he doesn't speak and neither do I. We just look at each other.
"i-i got it." The words leave my mouth, the distance between our faces -god his lips look so soft- leaves me speechless. It takes him a moment, but when he answers he sounds just as out of breath as me.
"thanks."
Again, we sit in silence. Suddenly I loose my balance and I almost fall out of the chair, but his arms are quick to catch me. So now, he has his arms around my waist and my arms linger around his shoulders for support. If I would lean closer, I could kiss him.
The thought of kissing him, makes me sqirm and when he lays his hands onto my waist to still my movements, I feel dizzy. Because Im not just sitting on his legs. Indeed, I sit literally on his lap. So when I feel myself getting wet, because he makes me so touch starved, I completely loose my mind.
"Im sorry- i didnt mean to sit that way. I just-" his eyes are so fascinating, brown, green and warm. It feels like he´s looking at my soul. He´s watching my every move. I know I should probably get up, but its the first time, he is that close to me and I cant stop looking at him.
Without a thought in my head, I raise my hand and touch his cheek. I see his lips breaking apart, so he can draw a surprised breath. "You have so many freckles everywhere." My eyes wander around his face. His voice comes back to life for a second, but only to sign. "Too many, actually." I draw my eyebrows together.
"It suits you and it´s not too much. Thats a perfectly fine amount of freckles. Look-" I start to count them. Each and every one. Starting from his ears towards his cheeks, his nose, further down until I stop at his lips. "You have one right above the corner of your mouth." I mutter, my thumb brushes his lips for a second.
Caught, my eyes sneak back to search his gaze. But he just looks at me. My heart feels like it could break any second, if I dont open my mouth to say something.
"You are" I begin to say "so beautiful to me. Every freckle you have, the colour of your eyes, your hair, your lips, your voice, just you."
I cant hold back anymore.
"i-i love you, Alex. I really do. I thought it would just be a crush that would go away, when time goes on, but it hasnt. You´re in every piece of my heart, you hold it together. You are my joy, my laugh, my sadness, you were everything for me, the first second I got to know you. Because you are the best person in my life, my best friend, my other half, my partner in crime, I would bail you out of jail in a heartbeat. Without you, my heart wouldn't beat anymore anyway. Because you make it live. Every day, every time I see you. Maybe if I would have known better, I would have never agreed to take your jacket, the first time we met. If I would have known, how absolutely in love I would get with you, it would have scared me to death. But now? Now I know better than to be away from you, because I better live as your best friend than without having you in my life. Because now, being away from you would be my death."
In one second, I bail my heart out and before I know it, he takes my face in his hands and leans forward. He stops his movement right before our lips touch.
"I think you will be the death of me too, sweetheart."
And with that, he kisses me.
Slow at first, his lips touch mine, so very soft and gentle. I almost think I´m dreaming, because his lips do feel like a dream to me. His hands caress my back and I clutch to his shoulders, afraid the moment will end. His warm hands strive back to my cheeks, tilding my head in a way he can have more access.
And I let him, mainly because I´m too caught up with this emotion and also because I would let him do anything with me. My hands are in his dark hair, gently tugging at his strings, so I get to hear that little breathless sound he makes, that makes my heart flutter.
I sink in his warm embrace, moving my lips with the same rhythm as him, hearing my heartbeat in my ears. His right hand goes to the back of my neck and this action makes me weak in the knees. And he notices it. Gently he breaks apart, leaving me with the want to have more of him and when I open my eyes - I didnt know I closed them - he looks at me, like I´m the sun and he´s the moon, that was away for too long.
"God, you´re so beautiful." His voice is deep, I can hear him catch his breath. His words make my heart ache until I think it isnt able to comprehend his compliment. I feel his lips again, my eyes flutter at the contact. One hand around my hip, holding me steady and the other one, around my neck, making me unsteady.
"alex-" a moan wants to escape me, but I try to hold myself together. His lips leave my mouth and trail further down, finding a spot at the curve of my neck.
"god, yes. Say my name again." I´m pretty sure, I never wanted him more than now.
My hands linger in his hair, I feel his hot breath on my skin and clench my thighs together. He is making me feel all worked up. As his lips leave that spot, I whimper his name, but as soon as his mouth leaves my body, he reconnects with it.
Brushing my hair aside, he kisses me again for a second before he lets go of me. With that, im completely convinced he hates me, the way he´s making me suffer. I hear him quietly laugh, so I slowly open my eyes to watch his face.
"You look drunk on love. Are you alright?" He smiles at me, looking at me, like he didnt just turn my world up site down (and my panties wet, by the way).
"What?" I ask, catching my breath. His skin glows and as I watch every detail of his face (how could I not), I almost miss his next sentence. "I would have never thought that this was your idea of gaming." I feel his shoulders move, when he tries to keep himself from laughing.
I gently smile and roll my eyes. "You are just too handsome for me, to concentrate on anything other than you." His cheeks turn red and there´s a glimmer in his eyes, that makes me feel completed. "So that´s why you have bad grades in math, maybe I shouldnt be sitting next to you then." His joke makes me laugh.
"Well, maybe you can give me some private lessons, so I could improve." At that, he opens his mouth, but no words are said. "Too stunned to speak?" I lean forward, his eyes follow my lips. "You just never flirted with me, its distracting." He looks up.
I just shake my head. One of my hands sneaks around to linger at his cheek. "Oh, trust me. I have. You just never noticed." His eyebrows rise. "Thats a shame. But I guess I have now." He catches my lips.
Yes, he definitely did notice me now.
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WIBTA for telling someone i can't be friends with them and returning a gift?
buckle up gamers, this is gonna be a long one. so i (22nb but i present fem) was out at the bars the other night just kinda hanging out, and a girl (26f) came up and started talking to me. she didnt really seem...super present i guess? and i talked to her to be nice and she had a cool outfit on. well i was a little drunk and ended up giving her my phone number and meeting her husband (39m) and they walked me home. the whole time she was talking about how she doesn't have any friends and her ex friends just wanted to get with her husband. she told me she was bi and i was like hey me too but im not interested in sex so that was cool. she ended up walking me home w her husband bc it was late which was nice, but they seemed really shocked i lived in such a nice apartment(i do, its expensive but my parents pay for it. im really privileged to be able to do that).
i saw her again today because she kept texting me about wanting to hang out, so i went for ice cream with her bc it was in a public place and i wasnt super comfortable going back to her apt with her. i paid for her ice cream bc she said her card wasnt working, nbd bc my parents have money and her and her husband aren't really well off. i said she could pay me back sometime, buy me ice cream or whatever another day, but she really fixated on it. she told me her husband thought i was cute which made me a little uncomfortable but i laughed it of, and then she kept talking about how she was bi and would date a girl and how she approached me not to date but to be a friend and then 'see where it goes.' she also told me she did porn online to make money which is fine w me, that she's on disability but that the money isnt really enough to live on, and that she'd been raped in the past and drugged which yanno a little overshare-y considering ive known her for three days but she really seemed like she needed someone to talk to and im good at listening. well her husband showed up out of nowhere bc he apparently tracks her phone and we all went back to their apartment bc i couldn't say no(im a doormat. i know) and she ended up giving me two pieces of jewelry in return for buying her ice cream which felt a little like overkill. i tried to refuse but she said she wouldn't ever wear them again so it would be fine. it was really kind of her but now i kind of feel i owe her back for them. the whole time i was there they seemed really eager to get me to move in nearby, and while its true that area is definitely cheaper my parents are really fine paying for my expensive apartment bc my tuition is a lot cheaper than my sibling's. she and her husband walked me home again, mentioning they might be going on a cruise in november if they could save up the money and that they could bring a friend. i said id almost definitely have school which they seemed to accept. they kind of seemed to want to see my place, but i told them it was really messy(it is) i have anxiety around having people in my space(i do) and that maybe they could come up another day and i could make dinner, and she told me she didn't like people cooking for her bc she'd been drugged in the past and that i could go over to their apartment again instead.
my parents think theres some really big red flags going on and i should try to break this off sooner rather than later. i pretty much agree. im not gonna ghost her and they dont think i should either, but that i should somehow return the jewelry in a kind way and tell her i cant really be super close friends. my mom had the idea to draw myself wearing the jewelry and then say i still have a memory of it but to return it bc i cant accept such a nice gift which i could try to do.
to be clear i am shit at communication and setting boundaries, im very aware of that, and most of this can be solved by telling her hey i can't accept this gift and im really busy for school a lot and im sorry i cant be as much as a friend as you need. but i still kinda feel like tah for leading her on almost and then breaking it off like everyone else in her life. ive been under a lot of stress bc of school and my stepgrandmother passing and trying to take care of my grandfather so trying to be friends with someone that seems kind of high maintenance is not really tenable for me.
so, wibta if i tried to let her down gently?
What are these acronyms?
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