#also i once said to my dad i thought i had adhd and he said 'you dont have adhd. you know that'. and my mum regularly talks about autistic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

falled-over · 10 months

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i am actually un diagnosing as autistic due to my proficiency at eye contact. i in fact have to remind myself to look away thats how good i am at it. i would get an A+ in eye contact

#for anyone outside of the know i will explain the joke because my sarcasm doesnt always read as such;#autistic people often struggle with disliking eye-contact and many have practiced rituals for the normal amount of eye contact which are so #distracting to perform correctly that they can lose focus on what the conversation is about #i personally was reprimanded for gazing off into space quite young so i have zero issue looking people in the eye when they talk #but i dont know what the appropriate amount is. so i do too much.#i seriously just stare at them intently for the entire time the both of us are speaking and have to manually look away when i speak (normal #way to act based on observation) and occasionally glance off around me #so the joke is i still struggle with eye contact. but most people wouldnt realise that because they think autism is the same for erryone #my overcompensation due to my natural awkwardness makes me struggle in the opposite way #its also a joke about how because people think all autism is the same many people dont get diagnosed. never been an issue for me personally #because i realised at an age at which support is no longer really offered so all it would get me is banned from entry into some countries #(autistic people are barred from becoming citizens in some countries due to perceived higher support needs)#also i once said to my dad i thought i had adhd and he said 'you dont have adhd. you know that'. and my mum regularly talks about autistic #people as a third party to me. and about how she works with them #to be fair to both of them my dad is 100% autistic and knows it (accepted this fact at51) and my mum is probably autistic but i dont want to #talk to her about it so shes just going to be weird forever #oversharing online is important because what if someone wanted to know that

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iloveundertaesooomuch · 4 months

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Some advice from AU Calebs!

Heck yeah I did it! Finally i finished ONE of the HUNDREDS AU crossover ideas I have in my head!! Crossovers are fun guys!! (I apologise for a bad english in advance. Writing this it a rush.)

"It's ok to ask for help." (A Reverse Of Feathers And Mud by @jess-the-vampire)

I couldn't make a crossover meme without the legend. Sorry, not sorry. He is such a sad lad but tries to stay positive and be happy for his family uydfykudsutsudskudsluds (*dies*). I have to admitt, Caleb's dad energy is too strong for me to handle without wanting a hug him. No wonder! He was THE grandpa for centuries straight without a break. At least Caleb gets his whole family together in the end. Comics with him and either Hunter and Philip or Luz and Eda make me run in cirles around the room aaaa.

"You are not a burden." (Brother's Keeper by @idoodlestuffsometimes)

Damn, you definetly created one of the darkest AU in the fandom. Each time I re-read AU related posts I scream my lungs out because it is so angsty and so great. I am genuinely scared of your Belos ngl, because.. this man didnt loose anything and he still proceeds to do all that stuff. Enconter with him has 0 survival rate.

POOR CALEB! At least in the world of memes he had an opportunity to flee the captivity twice (the bald head and the car). This man had no moment of mental rest for centuries oh my God. One of my friends wants to fight his brother personally to protec Caleb at all cost sksksk. Well, at least Hunter will always have an actually loving relative! And if the happy ending is going to be canon, I think the future looks great, especially knowing how much pain all your characters go through currently. (And I think both Caleb and Hunter would need the "you are not a burdain" affirmations. At least some form of support in their situation.)

You said in the latest ask-answer that BK!Caleb was supposed to have white streaks in his hair so I attempted to add them. Hope they look fine! Colors for the outfit I got from Belos, so they would match, I guess???

"Murder is okay." (Loose Strings by @oldmanpip)

My bro, brother, friend... Despite you being not to involved on the discord server, my brain is still rotting with your great awesome AUs. And I know you know that. Your Caleb is really loose in all sences of that word and I love that. Wonder if your AUs will ever be available to the public. Because oh boy oh boy they deserve to be recognised. (Loose Caleb is such a conservative grandpa who never did anything wrong, wdym?)

"Your feelings matter." (Pip In Time by @celestialscribbler)

Honestly? Man, your comic is the reason I got invested in Witteclaw couple at all. Even if the "Pip in time" is not their story, but you wrote their teen romance so sweetly. Those two melted my heart... I scream each time I re-read your comic for 100th time. Just WOAH my brain goes brrr! And Caleb as a character is also written really really well. I love him so much. He is such good brother but MAN HE NEEDS A BREAK FROM BEING AN ADULT! BOY! Insirt crying and heart emojis here.

(PS: hope you still care about your health!)

My thoughts:

I have been drawing this for more than a month I think? And the only reason for that is my university. I hope to actually get an ADHD diagnosis because something is clearly wrong with me. But thats not the point.

There are so many ideas in my head. Goofy and not. The only problem is that I have less and less ability to do what I want lately. I wish I could bring them all to life, but at the same I dont know if anyone will be interested. Would AU crossovers look too self-indulgent? Or nah? Idk. (Just Grimwalker-Isle already has so much potential for stupid ridiculous fun I am runnin on coffee juice.)

Litteraly my mind is plagued with different fun plots and possibilities I am going crazy. But I also have A TON of WIPs that I need to finish. Perhaps I will attempt to manage everything at once, but, no promises.

Wish me luck on my exams!

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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Am I the asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend?

I (32F) broke up with my boyfriend Jack (30M) a few months ago over a couple Issues I've been dealing with: I found out I have a degenerative issue with my eyes and will be going blind, and his dad hates me for being as he quotes "fat, uneducated, and bad with jobs". Note: I am infact obese, I do not have a college degree, and had lost my job 3 times in a row in 6mos before I hit the stable job I'm at now, due to mental breakdowns at work.

Jack has lived with his parents his whole life, and revers them greatly. However I can tell he's going through the same thing I did with my parents- Where they prioritized him getting good grades over his mental health, he constantly apologizes and thinks I will hate and abandon him over very simple things, he rather delve in games than face his problems, because he thinks he is comfortable when it's very much making him feel worse.

I cut contact with my parents 3 years ago for these exact same reasons- They were overbearing, abusive, and without another way to say it: extremely catholic. Because I was financially dependent on them and didn't know any better, I thought I could live with them as an adult because of how expensive housing is where we live.

Eventually I had to start getting therapy because I would have meltdowns so often in school, and found out it was the way that my parents treated me when I was younger, and that I have AuDHD- something my parents denied as me being too stupid and lazy to do anything after high school.I got on medication and though my ADHD improved, i had to continue therapy due to my Autism now having more time to focus and overwhelm me and having to learn to unmask. I've been told my personality did a 180 over this from peers that hadn't seen me pre-pandemic, but I'm happier now, and eventually found a way to move away from my parents and living with my Uncle instead, who instead of belittling me is encouraging my therapy.

I am explaining this, because Jack does the same things I do- he's almost the exact same as I was with my parentls. He has constant meltdowns and spirals, he thinks he's worthless because of the way his Mom and Dad treats him, yet he keeps putting his parents on a pedestal. It's because we seemed to grow up in the same kinds of environment that we bonded and eventually started dating last year.

Us openly dating did not last long, though, because when he introduced me to his parents they immedietely did not like me. They did not like that I wanted to help with dinner, or refuse eating chicken, because Jack is severely allergic to it. They also did not like that I wanted to clean the table and kept sidelooking at me whever we talked.

Because of this simple lunch, for months, they pressured him to break up with me but he wouldn't. He said he loves me as I am, and his parents are just stupid. We even had to start keeping the relationship secret, because his parents would harass him for coming to just pick me up, or meet me at a tennis court so we would play a game or two. His parents can track him through his car, so they always knew where he was.

I told him what I had to do to leave my parents house, but he said it's too hard to do that. My Uncle was sympathetic about this and even discussed with him to move into our house, but he refused that too.

Last month, I went to a vision doctor due to headaches and blurrier than usual vision, and found out that I would be losing my eyesight due to something going on within my eyes. Its extremely stressful for me, and dealing with that, and the constant harassment from Jacks parents, I got very tired. it was getting to the point where he couldnt go out without his parents yelling at him about me for something, we only hung out for once day per month. I didn't want to give them something else to yell about me at him, and I felt it would ease his stress because they would stop bothering him. And, though it seems weird, I hoped it make him uncomfortable enough to do something for himself. So I ended up breaking up with him.

It has really hurt to do this to him- He's someone I love dearly, and he's taken it way harder than I thought. He won't listen to me, But. He does listen to his friends- it's how he asked me out, and at least try out therapy, his friends hyped him up about it so he did it. I feel if his friends help him realize what he needs to do, he'll be more inclined to help himself than me just telling him. And if not, his friends are still there to back him up than me staying near him and having his parents harass him about it.

His friends are mad at me though, and told me I should have just put up with his parents, because in the end I am in love with him and that I actually made the whole situation worse, because he has loss motivation. Even though I am still talking to him and still there for him alongside his friends- I just make myself scarce so his parents don't know we talk. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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fluloa · 1 year

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my headcanons for the sully family

JAKE:

- has an apron that says ‘kiss the chef’

- has thought about getting an ear piercing and would like to

- always itchy, like will be constantly scratching at a random part of his body during a casual conversation

- had a loner phase when he was in middle school

- doesn’t like fuzzy things, he hates the texture and the way it feels on his skin, gives him a bad type of goosebumps

- adhd. said what i said

- flexes his big dad muscles every chance he can get (good for him tbh)

- finds it so relaxing when neytiri plays with his hair

- is a big purrer, to the point where it’s embarassing and he HATES it but he can’t help it

- cries every single time he watches the start of finding nemo

- hates watching reality tv

NEYTIRI:

- loves watching reality tv

- bites off her toenails (sorry not sorry)

- really likes apple juice

- loves the song cover me in sunshine by pink, every time she plays it, lo’ak screams out in agony

- a sad beige baby mom

- makes weird faces when feeding babies and does the sound ‘nom nom nom’

- loves cats. jake got one for her for her birthday and he doesn’t think she’s ever seen her happier

- wine lover and proud (especially with these little shit of a kids)

- has a collection of perfumes and jewellery that she only touched like once or twice. poor girl just forgets about them bc of all the stress she’s holdin

- the type of mom to demand every kid’s room is clean when somebody is going to be over. lo’ak is always the one to say “they won’t even be coming into our room!”

- lo’ak gets a whooping for that

NETEYAM:

- asks jake for his old band t-shirts

- loves water parks and will say weeee when going down the slides

- lets tuk put makeup on his face. but that stopped after she used some cheap shop makeup on him and he got an allergic reaction from it

- sometimes he wears belt with his jeans and it is funny

- always forgets to knock before opening doors. once caught jake butt naked and has never been the same again

- his favourite color is purple but he says it’s blue so that people don’t make fun of him

- loves playing laser tag even though he sucks ass at it

- he’s a fan of marvel and he’s always first at the cinemas when a movie comes out

- likes to skateboard. surprisingly very good at it since he’s only used it like ten times since he got it for 12th birthday

- for some odd reason, he really likes helping neytiri out with grocery shopping? also a guilty pleasure to pick out some of his favorite snacks and being the perfect little son that he is, neytiri always says yes

- brushes his teeth DAY AND NIGHT without a skip

KIRI:

- definitely plays my singing monsters

- had a monster can collection phase (will not admit to it although)

- that being said, had an ‘indie kid’ phase and begged norm for a couple of unused cds so she could paint them

- listens to mitski and lana del ray and flexes it to people and attacks them if they say they don’t know who they are or they don’t like their music

- wants her septum pierced but by neytiri’s words, “i’d rather die.”

- does her own hair, hence why it’s so messily beautiful

- neytiri cuts her hair though, as much as she doesn’t like to admit it

- would really like a tattoo, but neytiri has said no obviously

- tried asking jake for the tattoo, but jake was terrified of neytiri’s expression so he said no

- then tried to do a stick and poke and it failed miserably (rejected from her skin a week later)

- weirdly insecure of her nose, sometimes she likes it, sometimes she doesn’t

- jumps on the trampoline with tuk until she’s passed out from exhaustion

- plant lover. like seriously has a dozen in her room and will panic if she hasn’t gotten the time to water them for a day

LO’AK:

- plays mortal kombat and has an addiction to it. will yell out fatality when putting neteyam in a headlock

- begs neytiri for waves (she always says no, thank god)

- has got led lights in his room that are stuck to the wall with shitty sticky tape. you can easily see it, too

- always facetiming tsiyera but half of the time she doesn’t answer

- the type to lick chip dust off of his fingers until the last speck is demolished

- SATURDAYS ARE FOR THE BOYS

- has a pet fish and secretly adores her, her name’s shelly and will go into deep detail if you ask about her

- favorite food is doritos and takis

- was a ‘all girls are the same’ type before he met tsiyera

- wears his worn ass jordans religiously

TUK:

- has a pink ipad

- makes her own fake youtube tutorials on said ipad. kiri sneakily watches them when she’s sleeping

- can do an impressive amount of tricks on the trampoline and each time she learns a new one she yells out, “DAD!!! DAD, DAD, DAD, COME WATCH THIS!!!! DAD!! DAD!! DAD!!!!”

- her heart broke when jake with a few drinks in his system decided to jump on the trampoline on a party night and ended up tearing a massive hole in the middle of it

- has a CRIPPLING obsession with slime and neytiri absolutely hates it. always searching up ‘how to make slime no borax no glue’ and always makes a mess of wherever she makes it

- SHE LOVES DISNEY and her favorite princess is moana

- begged neytiri to let her dye the ends of her hair purple. neytiri used one of those ten washes dyes in a box and didn’t bleach her hair before because “no way am i putting bleach in my daughter’s hair” when it didn’t work because tuk’s hair is literally pitch black, she cried

- she literally loves the low space buns hairstyle and will forever ask neytiri to do it for her. but will end up crying because of how hard neytiri pulls her hair (it’s not even that hard)

- has a huge collection of squishmallows (jake got her them all)

- doesn’t actually like chocolate but loves candy

- the type to bounce on neytiri and jake’s bed to wake them up

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painted-bees · 1 month

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You said Magritte's dad is an undiagnosed ADHD who spent his whole life raised thinking he was neurotypical though he's probably never even heard that word before like everybody else, right?

Ik this is just wishful thinking for the most part but.. do you think he ever does find out at some point? Maybe in his elderly years when Mag finally tells her parents (once she accepts) that she has it when they all thought for years that she didn't?

Also! Are there any particular traits that he shares with Mag or her sister? Maybe stuff that his wife recognised or gets annoyed by but always brushed off or never gave much thought to?

Sorry if my way of phrasing any of this sounds weird but I am genuinely curious about this. (been pondering it for months now).

If he was ever gonna reflect on/consider his own potential of having ADHD, he prolly would have sat with those thoughts already. But it is likely that there's a bit of that ol' boomer generation pride/egotism that gets in the way of him admitting that anything he's gone through has been any greater of a struggle than what "normal"/neurotypical folks experience.

Like Margie, he hyperfixates/focuses on the things that interest him. Unlike Margie, the things that interest him are all very practical and acceptable as avenues to dump all your time and energy into; maths, sciences, business/budgeting/saving. He likes making and managing his finances. he likes the mind of work he gained employment in. He did well in the classes that "mattered" [english, lit, the arts--were all his weakest subjects.]

His wife definately wishes that he spent a little more time being present with her, and doing the things she likes with her--instead of only ever participating in the kinds of activities he enjoys. I think she just assumes it's cuz he's a man, and men are just Like That.

I think he didn't really entertain the idea that he had ADHD largely because Margie's sister was so hyperactive--and neither he nor Margie suffered that symptom to that same degree. Margie's sister struggled with hyperactivity and disruptive behaviour a -lot- growing up.

Funnily enough, I think even his kids would be resistant to the idea that their dad has ADHD--because he's done so well at work, and seems to have no trouble with learning courses and the like. He's always harped on a lot about hard work and discipline...the most important thing he wanted to instill in his kids was a good work ethic and having a sense of pride in whatever tasks they performed.

#hi-note #magritte

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vespen666 · 1 year

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Campbell Bain Headcanons

these are a bunch of headcanons i have about our favourite loonie!

before we get started I will say trigger warning for SH, Suicide, BD and fire. Also I'm autistic, so i've used some of my experiences as reference. And my friends are bipolar so also took reference from them.

so without further a-doo lets begin!!!

1- He's bisexual but he prefers male/gender-neutral partners.

2- He likes to listen to Queen and David Bowie

3-His primary love language is touch (he didn't get much physical affection when he was a kid) however he is demi-asexual

4-He absolutely adores when anyone plays with his hair or gives him head scratches (especially if they've got long nails

5-He's an insomniac. His sleep schedule is none existent, he sleeps whenever he feels like it wether that be at 5 in the morning or once every two days. He is rarely ever asleep before 1 am

6-He's got ADHD. All that energy and fidgeting doesn't come from being bipolar alone.

7-He loves doing arts and crafts at the asylum. The nurses sometimes use taking it away as a bribe to get him to take his meds if cocoa doesn't work

8-He knows a sh1t tone about stars and outer-space. if you point at a constellation and ask him to name it he'll tell you in an instant with its whole back story and everything.

9-He's got some PTSD from his childhood and watching Fergus jump off the roof.

10-His favourite movie is the breakfast club. He relates to John and Allison a lot and likes to reminisce of his short time in highschool and all the detentions he got.

11-He use to self-harm and still has the scars. He's not proud of it but when asked about it he'll just say "well thats life"

12-When he went to school he was the type of kid to turn up in pyjama bottoms and a hoodie, never pay attention but still somehow pass and he would skip class at least once a week

13-On the rare occasion that he does get to sleep, he moves around A LOT. full on starfish and blanket hogger, he also fidgets in his sleep

14-He quit cigarettes and started smoking w3ed. He said it was to "calm his nerves and help him focus on his creative flow" but eventually with Eddies help he quit that too.

15-He (albeit rarely) gets panic attacks.

16-He'll just randomly set small things on fire when he's bored. Sometimes he accidentally sets himself on fire

17- He hates loud noises unless he's the one making them. He loves to shout and blast his music so loud he can't hear his own thoughts but hates it when other people do it.

19- He loves soft things. He has about 15 stuffed animals at home (his favourite came with him to the ward) and is always wrapped up in a blanket when he watches tv or is reading. Any chance he gets he'll be cocooned in blankets and pillows

20-He either has a God-complex or hates him self to no end. There is no in between one minute he'll think he's the best person alive and the next he'll think everyone hates him.

21-When he was 16 (around the time he was diagnosed) him and his dad had a falling out and he tried to overdose. That was the reason he got admitted to saint Judes

22-He is fascinated by witchcraft but never really tried it himself, just likes doing research on it

23-He considered suicide after Fergus died but decided to continue on in his name and prove that loonies could get jobs and that being manic didn't define him

24-He once tried to die his hair green but decided he didn't like it so he went back to brown

25-His favourite bands are Nirvana and Green day

26-He likes comic books and his favourite hero is wolverine

thx for reading and I'm open to suggestions for Campbell.

#campbell bains loonie tunes show #campbell bain #takin over the asylum #david tennant #headcanon #cam needs a hug

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solitaryandwandering · 4 months

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15 people, 15 questions

I was tagged by @wen-kexing-apologist (here) and @telomeke (here), always glad to arrive late to a tag game!

1. Are you named after anyone?

I share a middle name with my paternal and maternal grandmothers (and coincidentally with an aunt who married into the family). As for my first name, my dad used to tell everyone that I was named after Meg Ryan, who he had a crush on and my mom really disliked (unrelated to the crush). It's a slightly creepy story and entirely untrue. I believe in reality they just thought the name sounded nice and chose it over the alternative, Kate (thank GOD).

2. When was the last time you cried?

I honestly can't remember the last time I full-on cried. Usually I only really cry when reading, watching shows or films or otherwise engaging with emotions in that way. When I was visiting family in Ohio I was feeling pretty unlike myself and stifled (the majority of the family are Trump supporters or centrists, if that gives you any idea of the kind of stuff being said). Whenever I visit them and the attention turns to me, the only things they tend to focus on are my love of reading (which I can no longer do very often) and disabilities. I am the first to assert that I am not ashamed of being disabled but there's very little agency I feel around this group of people (and though I love my immediate family they weren't always very helpful), made all the worse by the fact that my sight has considerably worsened in the last year, so any and all attention and vicarious grieving was a bit more difficult to swallow this time around. So, the night before we left, I did sit in the bathroom and tear up for a bit. But, no crying! Legitimately, one of my intentions of the new year is to let myself fully feel my emotions so I can more consciously heal from more of my PTSD and be more mindful in my life, which necessitates more tears. Lots to unpack there.

3. Do you have kids?

No, and I'm unsure if I ever want any. Definitely don't ever want to be pregnant. But I do love kids a lot.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I consider myself to be naturally pretty athletic, despite it all. When I was growing up I played a wide myriad of sports, like tee-ball, ballet (is that a sport?), track (usually 200m), and volleyball, with lots of swimming, gymnastics, rock-climbing (usually in the context of hiking), basketball, baseball, and football thrown in there. I'm still pretty proud of the fact that I can throw a perfect spiral (though getting my hand around the football is a bitch). I used to do a decent amount of weight-lifting, too. I was asked to play rugby at one point in middle school by my history teacher but had to decline due to the risk to my cochlear implant. But by far my number one sport was soccer; I played 19 seasons before I graduated high school, though it was always on a club level. I was actually pretty good (and very fast), if inconsistent (Usher + ADHD + low confidence + toxic sports environment led to some apathy on my end). My nickname was "bulldog" because I was so effectively aggressive and quick. I usually played as a defender (all positions, but left-winger typically), though I was also a midfielder due to my speed. Pretty sure I played every position at least once. Only scored one goal, and it was not an auspicious moment lmfao. I really loved the sport, even if I was bullied/ostracized by many of the girls. Right now, I don't play sports and am in the worst shape of my life, so a 2024 intention is to slowly get back into exercising as regularly as possible, even if I can only regularly keep up with PT workouts.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

I am almost entirely made up of sarcasm and dark humor. I've had to soften this, though, since a large majority of people in my life are not super receptive to either due to either some neurodiversity or trauma.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Depends on the environment, haha. If it's crowded, loud and unfamiliar I am usually noticing people's position in relation to me, if they're looking at me, and if they're trying to say something to me. So, a lot of looking at people's mouths. Otherwise, I think I still notice people's proximity, their body language, their eyes and smile/facial expressions. I grock on to people's emotions pretty quickly so I notice their general mood, too.

7. What’s your eye color?

On the brown side of hazel. I actually think they're a pretty color, especially when sunlight hits them. Then they can look golden, with some streaks of green or copper.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Weird dichotomy, but ok. I'd say I largely prefer happy endings, especially if they're earned. I'd actually argue that some scary movies do have happy endings, just depends on your definition of "happy." I like horror quite a bit, especially as a genre to discuss and learn about, but my OCD does not enjoy watching them, so I am pretty particular about the ones I see.

9. Any talents?

Yes, I suppose? I think I am good at analysis, critical thinking, listening to others, media literacy/reading comprehension, coming up with creative ideas, and learning new things. I also like trivia, though it's been a long time since I really exercised that talent. I think I'm a pretty good writer, too. Really had to resist sarcasm and self-criticism, there.

10. Where were you born?

In a hospital in Northern Virginia, strangled by my umbilical cord and forcibly pulled from my mother with forceps.

11. What are your hobbies?

Watching BL and scrolling Tumblr, of course. But I also love watching films, in general, and reading media analysis and criticism. I also like reading social critique (that's my sociology degree talking) and lightly keeping up on psychological research in areas I'm interested in (trauma, sexual health, mental illness/health, developmental psychology, etc.) as much as I can. I also listen to a lot of podcasts (mostly fiction) and listen to music. Another intention for the new year is to slowly get back into reading books, however I can. And I also want to write more about BL on here :)

12. Do you have any pets?

Technically no - we have one dog which was passed on to us when my high school Braille teacher died, but she is with my dad, whom my mom is in the process of divorcing. He is holding on to her both as emotional support and collateral. So... I am not sure if I will see her again.

13. How tall are you?

Sort of average, around 5 ft 4 in

14. Favorite subject in school?

English, first and foremost. Followed by history (though my teachers usually were not great), most sciences (even if the mathematical sections caused some grief), and anything artistic or creative, such as a film studies elective I took in high school. In college I liked most of my psychology and sociology classes, thankfully, since those were my majors. Basically anything but math. I could always get behind the theoretical enjoyment of mathematics but (undiagnosed) dyscalculia REALLY made me suffer in those classes.

15. Dream job

If I ever get enough money and stability to do so, I want to go to grad school to become a clinical social worker. Otherwise, my actual "dream job" is to work in some way in media analysis, though I have no idea what that would entail or what it would look like.

Not tagging 15 people, I don't even know that many who would do something like this lol. Do if you want!

#it's me #tag game

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officialgleamstar · 9 months

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also... penny for ur jodie thoughts ?

turns on immigrant song and sets it to loop. of course ^-^ I WAS GONNA DO A FRESH POST but i barely started typing it so i will answer on here instead! shout-out to @nutria--oscura as well because they also asked me for my jodie thoughts on my initial post

im gonna do a tl;dr as well as the full ramble, so! tl;dr first

canonically (in his fabricated human memories, not reality), jodie's mom, dee, was a singer and jodie didn't see her growing up because of this. i think the parallels to glenn here are obvious: glenn's dad, bill, was always on the road due to being a roadie/session musician, and dee was always on the road due to being a rock singer. the difference between them is that glenn spent consistent time with bill whenever bill wasn't busy, while jodie didn't (presumably he lived at home with his dad, but this isn't really clarified on), and i think this explains why they have such different adult lives despite their similar upbringings. glenn grew up involved in the rock scene, while jodie saw it more as something he could never be included in. however, once she appears in the podcast, dee is shown to be an extremely loving mother who has done everything in her power to find her son again, which is... really sweet, mostly, i love dee, but also its really sad because jodie has all these issues not from his actual life, but because he was used as some punishment against glenn for being a bad dad LMAO

now the full ramble with screenshots from the transcript and more headcanons/interpretations of how it affected him LOL

firstly, the part of the podcast that explains jodie's human memories, from SWAP (SWitched Ass Papas)

for simplicity's sake, for now, i'm gonna talk as if this is all true. we are taking jodie's human memories at face value.

jodie grew up without his mom in his life at all. i think "you never met her" was an exaggeration, based on the line "you don't have too many memories of them from your childhood", but she still is clearly not someone jodie spent much time with. her presence was always there, there were people in his life keeping him updated about her, he knew what she looked like, etc, but he didn't really know her. even when he did see her, jodie's memory is bad, he likely doesn't fully know what he experienced first-hand and what he was just told. it's a bit of ADHD projection, but i know that due to my memory problems, i've often had issues with being unsure what from my childhood was real and what was just something i made up. i think it's fair to say that jodie has similar issues based on these lines. he doesn't know his mom, she isn't a real person to him really, she's just this idea of a "cool mom" that was drilled into his head as a kid.

as i said, this parallels glenn's backstory in an interesting way. both bill and dee weren't home, but glenn still saw bill regularly. not a lot, but he always knew he would see bill again and generally considered him a positive influence in his upbringing (now, glenn's conflicting feelings about bill is a whole OTHER post i could write and have written before but-). okay tbh i was gonna get more in depth about bill and glenn's relationship but then i was rereading episode 29's transcript and started thinking too much and couldn't find any words, so we're just sticking with this screenshot from glenn close's damages:

THE POINT I WAS MAKING BEFORE I SPACED OUT FOR 20 MINUTES THINKING ABOUT MY BABY GIRL BILL CLOSE. glenn got to spend time with his father and was often looped into his nonsense, which led glenn to being far more involved in the rock and roll scene. in contrast, jodie barely ever saw his mother, and its reasonable to extrapolate that that is why he went so far in the opposite direction as glenn. he rejected this world that his mom was a part of because if his mom didn't have any time for him, then that entire scene as a wider space didn't have any time for him either. jodie is shown to be a character that does not get over things: his deep yearning for morgan, his long-standing anger towards glenn, he doesn't know how to move past things that upset him. i think it's reasonable to assume his feelings towards his mom could fall into this group of long-held feelings. he is completely the type to throw himself into something rigid and consistent and soulless such as the police force to separate himself from his mom, who he's been told is a rock and roll singer who's cool and edgy.

and i think the reason why this makes me so sad is that it's completely... unnecessary might be the best word, because dee loves him.

dee absolutely adores jodie, she misses him, she did everything in her power to get him back to her. but as i said, jodie is a character that doesn't let things go. despite the way he says that he's a demon now, as if that eradicates his very human feelings, it's obvious that he never really got past his fabricated life - again, his desperate attachment to morgan is evidence of this. no matter how much his mom loves him, jodie is probably always going to have a part of him that looks at her as the human woman who abandoned him as a human child. and she didn't, she didn't at all, and isn't that just devastating?

i feel like there's so much more i could say, but it's already been an hour and a half since you sent this ask LMAO i just think, behind his pathetic exterior, jodie is an absolutely fascinating character and people often undervalue how devastating the back half of season one was for him. jodie is never going to be like, a good guy. i don't want to make people sympathize with him or anything, i get it, he's not a likeable person and i don't want him to be ♡♡ i love my bitchy pathetic demon king of hell ♡♡ but there's a lot more depth to him than people tend to sit down and think about

anyways do you guys think, pre-demon reveal in the jodie foster timeline, jodie just assumed the omega daddies didn't recruit his mom because they were misogynists

#jodie foster dndads #dndads #cookies over yonder #ask #sorry that this took over an hour to answer i was just having a lot of thoughts #can you guys imagine if i got the mental fortitude to update the dndads wiki #it would be This information may only appeal to a specific audience. tags all over the place

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wooahaes · 1 year

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on the right track

pairing: non-idol!vernon x gn!reader

word count: 0.7k~

warnings: school stress. senior student reader working on their thesis. also just a smidge of like... implied adhd reader. no proofreading, intentional lowercase, admittedly very self-indulgent.

daisy’s notes: i am terrified of being an adult w a Real-ish Job can someone fund me to get my masters--

four thousand five hundred and sixty-nine words and you were finally fucking done with your rough draft.

despite everything you had once thought about writing, drafting out your senior thesis was far harder than you thought it’d been. one part of it had been your inability to focus, brain flitting to something else that needed doing (or, rather, anything else because revisiting your stupid books for the fifteenth time was boring and there was a reason you’d put off actually typing up excerpts). the other part had just been the frustration of trying to satisfy your professor--who, in all fairness, was encouraging as hell and one of the best women you’d ever met. at least she gave you thesis a fair chance and indulged you in it instead of writing it off because it didn’t contain british literature. your boyfriend had been thankful of that: as much as he liked to hear your passionate rants, he knew it couldn’t be good for you to get so frustrated with one woman.

that brought you to now: three in the morning days after the rough draft was technically due. you told yourself that it was fine, as only one of your classmates had submitted it on time. you were busy with other things, namely other classes, anyway. you were getting some progress on it.

(of course, that progress also came in late nights at your computer until vernon inevitably woke up, reached over to the empty space in bed, and then made his way back to you. his warm arms would wrap around you as he slowly pulled you away when you finished the sentence you were on, mumbling that you needed sleep. with him. he missed having you there to cuddle, and a pouty boyfriend was the easiest way to make you give in to your own desire to curl up in his arms and fall asleep.)

no thoughts, head emptier than earlier, you submitted the damn thing to your class’s discussion board and immediately clicked off. you relaxed into your chair, shutting your eyes with a heavy sigh. sure, there was more to be done after your professor looked it over and gave you feedback: but this was one step. hopefully a final draft wouldn’t require rewriting every damn part of the paper.

“baby?” vernon was lingering near the kitchen at this point, staring at where you’d moved from the dining table to the couch for maximum comfort. “are you done?”

you shut your laptop with a sigh. “for now.”

he perked up, immediately making his way over to flop into the space next to you. “you’re done!”

“for now,” you repeated. “i still have to edit the thing and then do my defense--”

“you’re done,” he said again, “with this part. you’ve got the rest of it, babe. no sweat.” he set aside your laptop, already pulling you into his arms. “i’m proud of you.”

you almost want to make some quip, asking if he suddenly decided to become your dad. yet something about the sentiment made you tear up, breath hitching as your emotions overtake you faster than you expected. one step closer to being done with all of this bullshit. you felt your tears brim up and finally overflow as you began to cry into vernon’s shirt, and he was already starting to rub circles into your back as he pulled you in closer. between the rough draft and every other assignment you had on your plate... this cry was what you needed.

“i mean it, babe,” he said in a softer voice. “i’m really, really proud of you. you came back to it.”

you did. you were supposed to graduate earlier that year. he knew how much you had struggled with having to withdraw from classes and then go back into it after barely two months of down time. and he knew exactly how scared you were of whatever came next, after you actually graduated.

“did you eat?”

you shook your head.

“aw, baby...” he dragged out the term of endearment, and you could hear his smile in his voice. “that’s no good. c’mon, i’ll warm it up for you. you’ve still gotta eat--”

except you wrapped your arms around him a little tighter, taking refuge for a little longer. his arms wound back around you a moment later, thumb tracing hearts into the back of your shirt.

“i love you,” he said quietly, pressing a kiss into the side of your head. “c’mon. it’s self care time.”

at least you had vernon to have your back when you needed it the most.

general taglist: @wonuziex @twancingyunhao @synthetickitsune

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #seventeen fluff #vernon x reader #vernon x you #svt vernon x reader #svt vernon x you #chwe vernon x reader #chwe vernon x you #chwe hansol x reader #chwe hansol x you #vernon fluff #chwe vernon fluff #chwe hansol fluff

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 10 months

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hm. ive thought im possibly autistic before, and i have almost a blackout on the bingo, (just one i couldnt mark, the "even if you know they don't care" phrasing in the one about infodumping, if i know someone doesnt care abt what im talking abt id rather die than speak. or i keep starting a sentence, but they keep replying to other people and not me? guess ill die repeating the first few words/(sometimes i drop it and stop trying to say it. but it's still there rentfree in my head for HOURS.)).

i researched everything i had or thought i might have so fuckin much at that time. (4ish years ago. my focus at that time) i almost made my summer project for a credit about autism, i was looking at articles so much. (some were nd author 4 nd readers, but theres way too many allistic article writers and not nearly enough neurodivergent ones.). its hard to express certain things in the questionnaire [especially since i answered "how i feel today" when i took it, i took it before seeing the "answer like its your worst case day" post about diagnoses, but also symptoms no questions talked about]

yet?? the time i tried getting diagnosed, they said "no autism! just depressed" even tho so many of my traits are neurodivergent related symptoms and nowhere near depression related symptoms

(tbf, i now, few years later, think its adhd, not autism. which also fits most of my symptoms convergently, and my dad thinks he might have too but wont test, so genes fit that as well. so "no autism", but ALSO NOT "just depressed". also also i had a friend in middle school diagnosed with adhd, she shared her meds with me once, (dont remember context for why), and they helped. they worked as they were meant to. dont allistic people usually get high off adhd meds though? either way, i had too much going on that WERENT typical depression symptoms, that i included on the questions, for it to "just" be depression.)

...shit, do anons still have a character limit?

Hi there,

I’m not sure what question/advice you’re trying to ask, but I agree that there needs to be more neurodivergent writing.

I’m sorry if this didn’t answer your question. Feel free to send a message if you’d like.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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aita for not giving someone the wifi password and not telling my parents about it when they asked?

this happened a while ago and ik it sounds trivial but i feel so damn guilty and i just need to know if i did something wrong (fake names used ofc)

so about seven or eight months ago a friend of mine (liz, 16f at the time, now 17) was brought to our house. child protection services had taken her and her two brothers (they're all adopted, but one of the boys is her biological brother, who i'll call james) from their parents because the boys did something to their neighbor's dogs and were found wandering all over town at night. i'm not sure exactly what as i've never been told, but i deeply suspect it was something sexual. i'm not sure. about a week before this, my friend's dogs were brought over here, again because cps wanted them removed.

so my friend is now staying with me (16f) and my twin sister sister (anna). we have a large "closet" that is really more of an attic than anything, so we put liz in there because our house is small and we didn't want her sleeping on the couch.

for about a month, things went pretty well. we had a good time! we hung out a lot, and she told me about some volunteer firefighting she did, and also some farming stuff she did with her adoptive uncle (this is important for later). but she had a secret cellphone (her parents weren't big on cellphones and they were kinda strict) that she used to do social media behind their backs. most importantly, she was talking to an older guy (axel, 28m) via snapchat. anna and i have autism and adhd and are kinda clueless about some things, so we didn't think it was such a big deal at the time. so when she asked for the wifi password, i thought nothing of it. one day when my mom asked if she had a phone, i told her no bc liz asked me not to tell my parents and i thought being loyal to her was the right thing

well, one day, liz found her biological family via facebook and started contacting them

from what little i've heard, liz and james were taken from their bio parents because the mom was an alcoholic and doing drugs, and the dad was abusing them. they never visited the kids once. but now this mom is telling liz that she wants the kids back, and because of this, liz really wanted to go back to her bio family, even though they lived in another state that was pretty far away.

so she goes up to my mom and tries to talk to her about it. also, cps came by again and said liz couldn't sleep in the room she'd been sleeping in anymore because it had no windows and thus no fire escape. and my mom found out about the phone and the older guy she was talking to. things finally got so stressful that my parents had to have liz moved to another home about an hour away

now here's why i think i was the asshole. apparently, liz had been lying to me A LOT. she never actually did the firefighting work (she did some cooking for them. that's it) and when she said she knew how to milk a cow, she actually didn't know how, AND THEN WENT ON TO MILK OUR COW ANYWAY. IN FRONT OF MY DAD. it was insane and it made anna and i freak out because we have a hard time making friends sue to previous bullying issues at a school we'd gone to

later on i overheard my mom telling my dad that she was afraid that the bio parents were trying to groom her or something, and they didn't know i'd heard that. so now i'm afraid that i'm responsible for my friend leaving and all that. also, since she's left, liz has gone on to refuse to go back to her adoptive parents and has basically made their lives hell. and she keeps getting james upset by trying to convince him into thinkking that he should want to go back to the bio parents

so am i the asshole for hiding stuff frmo my parents?

(fyi: they have since known that i gave her the wifi password. they were pissed, but they realized that i didn't know any better and aren't mad at me)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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gravitycoil · 11 months

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DO U HAVE anymore hcs for bill .. or ellis or any other survivor u feel like talking about tbh i enjoy hearing yer l4d thoughts :D

(This is my second time rewriting this because when I went to post it, it CRASHED FOR SOME REASON AND I LITERALLY SCREAMED)

I do have many... many thoughts about everyone.

In my mind Bill does not wear that ugly ass boot outfit after realizing the military and government screwed them over. He loves the group like a family and doesn't hate anyone even if he seems mean and sour towards Francis although he does think he is a giant dumbass but loves him nonetheless. Francis' dumbassery kind of gives Bill humanity because he can't believe someone like Francis has made it this far yet he's glad he has and he can smile about that. His dynamic with Zoey is hardcore Father-Daughter/Grandpa-Granddaughter and he loves her so much despite none of them really revealing how much they mean to one another and Zoey especially curses herself because she never got to tell him how much he meant to her when he died. When he did die, I like to think he turned maybe an hour later after the whole generator shit he didn't turn into an SI but if he did I feel like he would turn into a smoker or tank which, I think tank fits more and is more fuck you to his character cause it's all like. Die to 3 tanks, become one in the process which I should mention that I think yes you can be immune but once you die and your immune system and shit are dead you can still turn. When the group sees that he turned and has to shoot him themselves Zoey has to step away cause she can't bare to look at him like that and physically cannot pull that trigger. I like to think when Bill was alive he taught Zoey like literally everything he knows to her. Every little survivalist thing he knows was passed onto her like making animal traps, reading animal tracks, fishing, how to properly fire and hold different guns, aim training and all everything else. He loves Zoey so much as if she was his own Daughter/Granddaughter. He believes Louis is the only other like-minded one in the group his positive attitude and hopefulness is enough to make Zoey happy which in return makes him happy. I do think Bill is very sensitive/emotional yet bottles every emotion he can but I feel like he has many restless nights thinking about if the group were ever to get hurt or even so much as if they died and these scenarios play in his head over and over and it's enough to make him cry even if it's a little. He doesn't fear death but he does believe that if it were to claim him that it should just claim him instead of linger and draw out his demise. Which is why he was open to sacrificing himself he already lived his life, the others haven't especially Zoey. He wants them to have a chance at a normal life, one that isn't filled with the dead. He wants them to have a life.

Ellis is so autism and adhd to me. He sees nick as a brother even if nick doesn't view him as the same he would still take a bullet for him even after every mean thing he has said to him. Ellis is not stupid or anything like that. He's really bad at social cues and just everywhere at once. He is very warmhearted, hopeful, and caring which some will see as being naive especially in a situation like this. Rochelle sees him as a younger brother and is very protective over him, nick slowly gets protective over him to in a brotherly way. Coach is the only one that tries to teach him cues and tries to give him a better sense of judgement and is extremely patient with him. Every single story he has told of him and Keith are all real and not exaggerated they just have gotten into really insane shit. I like to think they have matching tattoos I imagine it's either fish related or car related. They were both mechanics and made all sorts of shit. I also think that Ellis never had a dad and was only raised by his mom and he still believes that Keith and his mom is out there somewhere amongst the hell. If he were to ever see them dead/turned... hmm... well... :( he'd be broken.

#post #ask #anonymous #l4d #l4d2 #hcs #TY FOR WANTING TO HEAR MY l4D THOUGHTS HEHEHE #im so normal can you tell

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adventuresinanarchy · 11 months

Text

unordinary trio headcanons !!

some of these r kind of a stretch! also there's so much isen im so sorry im in love with him

isen

i hc isen to be bi with no preference

i also am in between on him being amab or afab. i see him using they/he either way tho

he's a demiboy

he's vv closeted

but remi knows

he has a (younger) twin sister and another younger (half) sister

he's found himself being in charge a lot & messing up at home, which is why he's so against taking big responsibilities (like when he becomes jack)

they have severe anxiety

and also undiagnosed adhd

he's good at keeping secrets but if anyone were to simply ask them about one he'd be like really bad at deflecting it

he had a really good relationship with his father until it was noticed that younger half sister was a product of an affair so then his parents got divorced and isen lost contact

his stepdad is nice but isen doesn't find themselves to be as close to him as their siblings are and it makes him a lil upset

he's still really family oriented even though he kind of resents his mom for the whole affair

they work a job as a janitor at night so his siblings can have some spare money

his mom is chronically ill

oh oh and his twin sister goes to a school outside of wellston because she's rlly smart

isen's not vv open about his family, he'll only mention them if remi says something about rei first or if blyke talks about his mom

i love blysen sm but i do think isen would've had a crush on remi before

he's dated a lot of people

including cecile for a week

cecile broke it off

as you can see none of the relationships really lasted

speaking of how i love blysen – he's had a crush on blyke for a really long time but hasn't realized it's a crush

isen & his twin went on this hair dye adventure once hence the hair

i saw someone say he tried to bleach his hair and it came out orange and i firmly agree

naturally black hair i will die on this hill

while isen had a hair oopsie, their sister was successful and has blonde highlights

(i do have names for his siblings but they're not very creative (twin is isabella & half-sister is irene))

secretly a swiftie

blyke

ok enough isen now blyke

i like the idea of bigender or genderfluid blyke

any pronouns but they do get a bit irritated when people stick to just he/him

pansexual

he has sooo many piercings like so so so many

they're the middle child

she spends a lot of time with her uncle

they have a cat and shes the cutest cat ever (i need a name)

i think blemi is really cute tbh (not a headcanon im just rambling atp)

i feel like blyke would listen to weezer

she looooves funky earrings and other cool jewelry

has a bunch of scars from childhood adventures and is insecure about them

allergic to grass

had a black stripe in his hair during middle school to be cool and edgy

had a diary of a wimpy kid phase

and a dork diaries one

im running out here

remi

remi my fav girlboss <3

omni w/ a preference for girls

she/they, demigirl

her dream toy growing up was a barbie motorcycle

she and rei made a lemonade stand in order to raise money for a barbie motorcycle

rei thought they were getting an actual. barbie themed motorcycle

they made their own lemonade and it tasted like shit

they made a whole eight dollars

remi really wants a pet snake but their mom is scared of snakes

she thinks eyeliner is really cool but she's really bad at it

sometimes she'll ask sera to do her makeup for her

remi's dad is a chef who loves the movie ratatouille /hj

rei calls her a rat

her bedroom at home has a shaggy carpet because i said so

and she has soo many posters on her walls

once she dyed the ends of her hair purple with kool-aid

she has lots n lots of freckles

she had a crush on elaine during her first year & that was her first girl crush

sometimes she goes on random smoothie bowl crazes

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weathernerdmando · 11 months

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I told my dad recently that I was looking to get evaluated for ehlers danlos because it would explain a lot and his reaction at first wasn't the best (it's honestly a little fucked up what he said but i saw where he got it and he did basically apologize for implying it) but once I actually got to explain why he seemed to get it. At first he was like "why do you want to get all these labels and to stand out and like I sort of get the perspective but now that I am actually chronically ill I just want to be healthy" and like I get it, I do, but I think what he didn't understand is I don't want to "stand out".

The problem lies in that I already do. The autism and ADHD alone already make me "unique" or whatever enough. It's not that I want. Its not that I want to be sick, I dont.

I just...i already am, or at least, have things wrong with me that haven't had answers so far for my entire life.

It's that I don't want to be alone. It's that I want to find other people who share similar issues who I can finally say "there's an answer to these random, seemingly unconnected, pain in the ass issues and other people understand it finally".

It's knowing I've always been medically complex and that apparently just kinda got forgotten/ignored because I thought most of it was normal because I didn't really know much else and once things were initially "dealt with" we kinda just moved on and if we needed to make accomodations we did but we just slid them between everything else and it was like they were always there before.

I know I've always been medically complex, but I didn't know that I wasn't the only one dealing with these issues and maybe some of it *is* fetal alcohol related but I don't see those things in me much at all, and even if it is a factor it doesn't explain the things I'm looking for answers for.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis for the hell of it. It's not for another label to slap on, it's not another "fun little trivia piece" or whatever you want to call it.

It's getting answers and ways to deal so things cause me less pain and I can stop being exhausted 90% of the time and maybe only be tired to exhausted 70% (50% is optimistic I think, lol). It's maybe maybe maybe finding out why no matter what I do, how much more I eat, how much I try to remember to eat, why i cant gain weight, why I can't get the body signals that signify hunger like I should be, it's maybe getting a path forward to a healthy weight for the first time in my life. I've never hit 3 digits and I *should* be and it's not intentional at all, I try and try and try but I simply can't and getting some reasoning as to why?? And maybe finding ways to get there?? That's what I want.

It's finding another person who's ribs move like mine in a way they really shouldn't and the relief in knowing "this person has an Official this is something wrong diagnosis and they share this trait with me and I finally have confirmation that this *should* concern me a little" but that there is also an explanation for it too.

I just want to be able to do things, accomodations or otherwise, somewhat normally for once. I'm used to accomodations, they've already been present in some way throughout my entire life. I wanted to be normal for a long, long time and I'm never going to be. I know I'm not like most people. I know that.

I don't want to be normal. I'm not ever going to be. What I want is to find other not normal people like me who I can say "this is happening and it hurts" and get a "yeah, same, you're not alone" response from or maybe "Here's things that have helped me, maybe talk to your doctor about them" and "Yeah, no, you're not overreacting to that being painful or weird or whatever, that's not something you should be able to do".

I'm not looking to stand out but to some extent, blend in and have a chance to finally just rest for a second or two.

I told him some of this, summarized really, and he kinda sat for a second, and I think understood what I was saying. And he said "I'm sorry you've been dealing with all this and I didn't realize."

So I think he understood why, in the end, but still. It's nice to lay it all out in the end anyways.

#personal shit #tagging to track comment reblog whatever lol #weight mention #ehlers danlos #hEDS #probably

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praise-milkman · 11 months

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quick typing brain hurty

:( i have had a lot of moments in life where i my family speculated if i had depression or anxiety clinically, but other diagnoses seemed off the table. My dad has ADHD and I was super shy as kid but also smart, but no adult ever seemed to consider maybe I had what HE had OR maybe ..... on the spectrum. i know screening tests only go so far, I am so far from being able to go somwhere to diagnose or anything.... and every description of masking from sources and other people sound JUST like me, and now I am confused how one is supposed to know if they are on the spectrum or have a level of autism if they masked their whole life?? I noticed i was answering screening questions with what I would LIKE to do or be, so I switched to my mindset of when i was younger and felt my stress honestly instead of internalizing it and seeing how it was not sociable.... and that kid needed lots of help. I'm better now but only cause I have to be and i GET SO TIRED of being "an adult". I feel like the same person i was when i was 12 just employed and stuff. i never gave myself the space to consider i was more than just a little anxious (never got properly diagnosed in that area, just a lot of sessions with school counselors..) so now i'm trying to do that and find information so i can stop punishing myself for habits and behaviors that might ...like not be my fault....

in my life, i have had an INTENSE fear of conflict and being wrong. just scrolling around tumblr a couple posts in the autism tag make me feel like i shouldn't even be there. one post said "functioning" labels are frowned upon, but I also looked at a users blog who was non-verbal and called themselves low-functioning, and had some posts where they were very frustrated with "high-functioning" people and how they talk about autism. i mean already i learned that the thought "i feel non-verbal sometimes" may be more like...selective mutism or something else regarding communication, so i am happy i am looking into it bc that's how i feel. but i noticed my fear of being incorrect crop up and i don't like drawing attention to myself but i am 24 and tired of just acting like i'm normal and that it hasn't been a roller coaster hell trying to be socially acceptable. i've tried self-helping my way through life with moderate results, i at least know it;s not for lack of trying and now i see the pattern in my thinking, depression, obsession over topics, and so many things, but guilt and a constant sense of imposter syndrome about EVERYTHING holds me back from being honest about my feelings sometimes and how much it sucks because i had friends sadder than me and less stability and friends with worse disability so by all acounts i am doing super well but even those friends would not want me to discard my own suffering in a game of unbalanced comparison.

i'm not super sure why i'm posting this but i have never really once allowed myself the space to be weird and wrong and just roll with the fact that we are all weird and wrong about stuff sometimes. i vow to never hold hate in my heart so i wonder why i can't just trust that/. why am i so hateful towards myself then. I want to just say out loud, I AM CONFUSED all the time pretty much now, I feel LESS HEALTHY now then when i was 19 but I am honestly SMARTER and MORE CAPABLE so that's why it's such a CONTRADICTION. I feel like i am doing alright but somehow OVERTHINKING more than ever. some of my anxieties and social confusions are getting more glaring as i get older to the point where i'm like... i thought i had this under control? I fixed this thing that was "wrong"? And then I read online...there is such a thing as COVERING UP versus "FIXING" and that BLEW MY MIND and has stuck an itch in my brain I cannot get rid of , it explains how i wasted my WHOLE childhood caring too much about things i didn't even have to care about. I was worried about everyhting all the time and felt weird, and processed things weird, and i Was smart but too anxious so i didn't pass that one GT test, my self esteem lived on rock bottom as a school kid and i thought that was NORMAL and i was just SELF AWARE ABOUT MY FLAWS.

So there's that. i need to just stick it out right? It's hard to accept yourself, when your concept of self-acceptance or self-love is skewed in the first place? Like apparently I'm not the best measure... of if I'm being nice to myself... because I'm not sure what nice to myself really is. I miss being 4 years old i think haha

#personal #autism #depresssion #eeesh im just tired of saying nothing about it #clearly it's not helping

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ursafootprints · 1 year

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pray tell what are gone fishing and neighbor's cat flash about? heheheeheh and i can guess what aliens2electricboogaloo is huehuehuehue snippet? ououououo

and tell me about your color coding system? c:

(In regards to my WIP/snippet meme!)

gone fishing (NOT the actual title lmao) is my Starkercest AU where Peter does not tell his dad about his new superpowers because he wants to prove himself as a superhero first, and then is very, very irresponsible with his secret identity once Iron Man starts flirting with the new hero on the scene. (Or in other words, he catfishes his dad.) It has also literally been like 95% complete since June but I keep just not working on the only scene I have left to finish, you gotta love ADHD.

It was maybe one of the most awkward moments in his life full of awkward moments, but the next time Peter saw Iron Man on patrol, he did find the strength to take him aside and say, "About-- last time--" "Oh, we're going to talk about it," Iron Man said, and it was so hard to read his tone when he was in the suit, but Peter thought he sounded nervous. "Yeah, um," Peter said, rubbing at the back of his neck and trying to remember the script he'd come up with. "I'm-- sorry for running off like that, I know that wasn't-- super mature, but I just… panicked a little, because I'd never thought about… if you actually…" 'Wanted me' stuck itself under Peter's tongue and wouldn't come out, because thinking about someone wanting him still felt foreign and ridiculous and embarrassing, and he was agonizingly aware that he was talking to his dad in a way that he wished he would have been when Tony had kissed him, and when he didn't finish his sentence Tony shrugged.

neighbor's cat Flash is a SpideyFlash fic where Flash essentially annoys Spider-man into being friends with him (much like your neighbor's cat who pressgangs you into being their second owner even though you KNOW they're getting fed across the street because they just keep showing up at your door and aggressively demanding your attention,) and over time they turn into real friends(/Flash's immature hero crush becomes a very real and present crush) and it causes ~ripples~ for their dynamic at school because Flash stops being such an asshole under Spidey's influence. Lots of exploration of Flash's home life/internalized homophobia/things that I think would be interesting if they were influencing his canonical assholishness!

I don't have a genuine snippet to share because it's only in outline form, but it IS 100% outlined from beginning to end-- I'm not sure if I'll actually write it or just rework the outline into a bulletpoint fic, since I came up with the idea during the very narrow window between first getting into MCU Spider-man fandom and then pivoting H A R D to specifically Starker fandom, haha.

You know EXACTLY what aliens2electricboogaloo is lmao, but for everyone who doesn't, this is an idea of @king-of-kaoss's riffing on the scene in Infinity War where Peter's like, "if an alien lays eggs in my chest and I eat you, I'm sorry," and that's not exactly what happens but Peter DOES end up as a mutated monster alien thing and he makes it Tony's problem in a sexy way.

Peter crowded Tony against the wall and bent to bring those sharp teeth toward his throat, and if Tony couldn't believe how many things he'd survived just to get his throat ripped out by the mutated version of his own protégé, he was at least grateful that he wouldn't have to face May Parker's wrath at seeing what he'd allowed to happen to her nephew. And then Peter nuzzled into his neck, and said with a voice that was low and guttural and still somehow Peter's, "Mr. Stark, I think something's wrong with me."

Color-coding! It's kinda-sorta by ship, and then kinda-sorta by specific type of AU so that it's not just a wall of Starker-color? Green is complete, bright red is for whatever chapter of YNYD I'm currently writing (or, eventually, whatever my main priority at that time is, once I'm done with YNYD), deep red is Starker, purple is omegaverse ideas (so daddy long legs was also purple until I finished it), blue is Spiderio stuff and the lone yellow one is because it's Toomes/Peter. (That one and post-spiderio are ALSO Starker, but like, I gotta break up the wall of deep red somehow.)

Thank you for playingggg 💖💖💖

#ask games #ursa asks #half-baked ideas

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