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scarletwidowaf · 3 years

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broadway, baby. (part 1)

Florence pugh x female Reader

Summery: reader is a singing waitress in a new York restaurant (like in glee) where many famous people go to, and one night the little women cast are are there and R is their waitress.

Warnings: there's some cursing and harassment. Its not revolve around it but its there.

A\N: im soft for florence pugh and this is a complete shit.

masterlist

Credits: Glee Gif Credit • Florence Gifs Credit

“I'm just a Broadway Baby, walking off my tired feet, Pounding Forty Second Street to be in a show. Broadway Baby, learning how to sing and dance, waiting for that one big chance to be in a show.” - Cast of follies

Life can be hard and some days can be rough, especially in your line of work where people competed for the spotlight on a daily basis. but that's life and that’s the road you chose to walk through. And it's alright, after all, what's life without a spark? A movie without a breaking point? or a shift at Clayton's without drama?

This was one of these days, the kind of days who kept you on an edge as your body and mind both ached for a break.

'Just roll with it. just a few hours for your day off.' You silently said to yourself.

Being a young artist in New York was a challenge you’ve taken on yourself, luckily for you working at "Clayton's" was a good way to start a career. most people who started working there were young talented artist who were determined to make an impression over the industry. The place was always packed with many famous people, from actors to singers and producers. So, in many ways, working in "Clayton's" could be a ticket to Broadway or the music industry. And that was the reason you moved there in the first place.

You tried the traditional way, but after months of trying to get into college and fix your past mistakes, like your high school career, you decided that this path wasn’t for you. no matter what you did or how hard you tried your ADHD still managed to kick your ass. So, that’s how you ended up as a singing waitress in NY. You liked your job, truly. You liked singing and dancing and meeting cool people along the way, but sometimes it was just too much.

"You look like shit" Aaron said from his spot at the bar.

Aaron was a sweet guy and probably the only straight person in your group of friends. He was charming and talented and most importantly; he was the first friend you got in NY.

Aaron pulled his long brown hair into a bun as he chuckled at you. You huffed in frustration in return.

"Thanks" you muttered as he passes you a mug with coffee, hoping to help you get a grip before the restaurant opens.

"You need to rest" he said. "properly"

"that’s overrated" you joked and took a sip.

You felt an hand on your shoulder and you turned around to meet your friend's stern gaze. "You, okay?" she asked

"Always" you answered Mackenzie's question and she raised her eyebrow, knowing full well you were lying.

"we should sing as a warm up!" David, another one of your coworkers and Aaron's twin brother said.

"Let's not" Aaron said as he rolled his eyes at his brother's enthusiasm.

You laughed quietly as the two started bickering. Mack and you glanced at each other knowingly. Both of you already know who will win in the stupid argument.

15 minutes later, after a group warm up and Aaron's dramatic sighs 'Clayton's' was open for business.

It was a nice evening, not too full, not too loud. And most importantly, not too many known faces.

Of course, you liked to have famous people on your shifts, and it could obviously be a game changer for you but it can get intense at times and you want in the mood. Seriously, how can you be the only one who found singing "defying gravity' in font of Idina Menzel as a very stressful experience?? You were terrified by the idea you'll fuck up in front of the original singer- and make a total fool out of yourself.

When 10 pm rolled around, every opinion you had about the evening flew out the window. at this point, the restaurant was full with costumers and some known faces as well, and you found yourself holding every inch of you together as you approach the table who was occupied by the one and only Meryl Streep, and some fellow little women cast members.

*rule number 1 of working at Clayton's: don't make costumers feel uncomfortable. Don't annoy the costumers, don't ask for autographs if they're famous and generally treat them as normal and respectfully as you can. *

"Hello, my name is Y/N and ill be your waitress for tonight" you introduced yourself with a small smile. The women smiled at you brightly.

"How does it work" Meryl held the tablet with a puzzled expression. "Am I that old?" She joked

"Barley" One of the other women, Emma fucking Watson, said.

"I know it looks complicated-" you told them as you took the tablet from Meryl's hand."-But it's pretty simple, actually, I promise. As you can see the top part of the tablet is divided into two sections: The right one who says 'ask for a waiter'- which means that your waiter- which in this case, me, is busy- probably performing at the moment, and you can ask for a different waiter." You said with an ease, knowing the explanation by heart.

"The left section says 'ask for my waiter' which is a pretty simple one to understand... I guess- if you'll need me for whatever reason, you can press it and it'll page me. Feel free to use it." You said with a smile as you scanned their faces, making sure they understand the first part.

"And the bottom section?" Saoirse asked.

"The bottom section is the 'refill' sections. It will get into validation only after ill place your order in my own tablet and send to the kitchen." You explained as you gestured to your own tablet. "It's pretty useful, the point of it is that you can ask for a refill without having to social with me. Its awesome"

You noticed one of them, Florence pugh, scanning the tablet with a small smile- as she listened to your explanation. She was absolutely a sight for sore eyes, that's for sure.

"Thats pretty cool" she said and you nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I got really excited over it when I started working here" you admitted awkwardly "most importantly- When a section isn't relevant its will be grey instead of in color so you won't get confused. Like, for example - if You haven't ordered anything yet you can't get a refill, for the obvious reason. or if I'm not performing you can't ask for another waiter... which means you're stuck with me for the time being" you finished with a small chuckle.

"I don't think any of us mind that" Florence smiled and the others agreed. The blonde smiled at you again and you blushed slightly. "You're singing, right?" she asked out of the blue, just when you were about to leave and let them look through their menus.

"Yeah, i do. In a few minutes, actually"

"Thats cool! Good luck" she smiled and you wondered if Emma, who set the closest to you, could hear how fast your heart's beating.

"Thank you" you said with a smile and turned around to the stage.

__________________

"you paged? I'm guessing you guys ready to order then" You said as you approached their table after your performance.

"YOU WERE SO GODD!" Florence said excitedly.

"Thank you" you blushed slightly.

What. The. Fuck. Y/N?! You scolded yourself.

The others joined into the conversation with their own compliments and you thought you'd die when Meryl Streep, the legend herself, complimented you.

After another few moments the conversation calmed downed and moved to the next, and most important topic: the food. You tried your best to not blush under Florence's soft gaze and keep your focus on the other members of her table as they consulted you about the dishes, but damn, that was hard. luckily for you it didn’t take long and a few minutes later, their order was sent to the kitchen.

The next hour and a half weren't much different. you sang and placed orders, you smiled to costumers and even pretend to laugh at some old man's joke. And maybe (just maybe) you glanced over to Florence every now and then.

The thing about Clayton's is that apart for the famous people who visit there frequently, it also contains many of the rich and the snobs of New York, so you weren't surprised when you got paged from a table who was occupied by two guys with fancy clothes and their parents credit card.

"Hey" one of them said to you as you approached them.

"hey, welcome to Clayton's! You're David's table, right?" You said and pointed at your friend who started his own performance.

"Yeah, the fag one" the other guy said and your smile fell.

Take a deep breath, Y/N. It's not worth it.

"I see you guys already ordered a few minutes ago" you said as you checked your tablet.

"Yeah" the asshole confirmed.

"Okay, in that case, how can I help you?" You asked politely as you could.

"we would like to get the check." The first guy said politely as he pulled out a few bills from his wallet. "Keep the change" he said as you took it and made sure it was enough.

"Thank you" you smiled politely and made a mental note to give David his well-earned tip.

"my brother want to know if you're single" the asshole said and the nicer guy looked at his with his eyes wide.

Shit.

"I'm sorry, I'm in a relationship" you lied after a moment, hoping the lie will spare both his feeling and any more questions in the subject.

The guy nodded in understanding but on the other hand, the other guy didn’t seem to get the massage.

"I'm sure he won't mind sharing" the asshole said and you felt sorry for the poor guy for being related to this ass.

"What the fuck Chad" the nice guy said as chad smirked at you.

"yeah... that’s not going to happen." You glared at him "have a great weekend tho" you gritted out and turned around to leave.

you were taken by surprise when you felt chad's hand on your ass. Again, what the fuck?!

"What the fuck is wrong with you' asshole" you gritted out and moved away from him.

Don't make a scene. He's not worth it.

"C'mon-" he started to say as he got up. You moved away, knowing you were cornered since the place was full, the lights were deemed and the music was loud.

"Don't touch me" you said and moved away; you're back hitting an empty table who stood nearly.

"Hey what's going on here?" You heard and turned to catch Florence walking to you.

If a look could kill chad would’ve been dead. that’s for sure. It's like the sweet and excited Florence had left and a different, intimidating (and hot) version of her took her space and so help you god, you were glad she was on your side.

"Nothing! we were just leaving, really" Frankie said.

"None of your business" brad said and Florence raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow, daring him to cross her.

"I see" she said "well, I'm sure y/n won't mind my intruding"

'Thank god for Florence Pugh.' You thought.

Before chad could press the subject any further David, who just finished his performance, got there. You were sure he noticed that something was happening.

"what's going on here?" he asked after he scanned the situation quickly.

"nothing as I said to your friend, we were just leaving" Frankie said again.

he didn’t want to draw any negative attention, just like you, and thankfully for the both of you, not many people noticed the situation.

This time chad didn't answer, he just glared at Florence and you while his brother pulled him away from the place.

"so, are you going to tell me what happened?" David asked Florence and you after the two left.

Florence looked at you, waiting for you to answer him.

"Nothing" you lied. "it's okay David, you can go" you promised your friend. David looked at you with his 'I done believe you' expression, but he didn't press it any further. He just nodded before he turned around and left.

Rule number 2: do not make a scene under no circumstances. At Clayton's, everything you do while you're on the clock is practically showcased. You slip? you fall? you sing out of tune? Its under a spotlight, everyone can see that and everyone will have something to say about it. Thats the thing about this place. most people who started there and moved on to bigger things as Broadway or Hollywood were practically trained to keep their best poker face, act on the demand or pretend that everything is okay when it was clearly not.

"You should go back to your table" you said to Florence

she looked at you with an unreadable expression before she went back to her table. You didn't have much time to read into it since a few minutes later you found yourself at her table, printing their check and having a small friendly conversation with the women. You smiled at them as they left before you turned your tablet off and went to cover for Aaron at the bar.

"I thought you guys left" You said with a smile when the blonde approached you a few minutes later.

"Why did you lie?" Florence asked with the same unreadable expression from earlier.

Okay. No smiling then.

"I didn’t" you pulled out two shot glasses and filled them with tequila. The blonde gave you a 'are you kidding me' kind of look and you couldn't help but to chuckle. "I didn't see a reason to make a scene over nothing" you explained and downed one of the shots.

"It wasn't nothing Y/N" she said before taking the other glass.

"its fine. I'm fine. He didn’t do anything " you said as she downed her shot.

"Yeah, because I was there" she argued.

"I can handle guys like him. Seriously, at this point it might as well be a part of my job"

"you're not helping yourself"

"I liked you better smiling" you chuckled as she glared at you.

"I'm sure you did"

"shut up"

"How's your back?" She asked/

The blonde definitely didn't seem convinced about the chad situation but you were just grateful for the change of subject.

"It will be alright"

"Good"

"I appreciate your worry, truly. But I'm fine and I really don't want to hold you back here over it" you said

"Who said I was worried" she smirked at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh, you don't?" You played along

"Nope"

"Then why are you still here? Its almost 12 am, don't you have something better to do" you teased her

"no. Do you?" She turned the question and you laughed.

"I guess not - considering the fact I work here and I'm still on clock"

"Oh, please we both know this place is about to close" she argued your logic

"True" you admitted

"So, if you have nothing better to do, and you don't, would you like to go out with me? You kinda owe me after I saved your ass earlier"

"Uh, and here I thought you did that as an act of kindness" you joked. A small smile playing on your lips.

"Ew no" she said and You laughed. "Well?" Florence pressed with a cheeky smile.

"Yeah, why not. It's not like I have something better to do"

"Just what I wanted to hear" she joked.

#florence pugh #florence pugh x reader #florence pigh x female reader #florence pugh x fem!reader

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jeontaehui · 3 years

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TAEHEE’S 100 QUESTIONS AND 100 ANSWERS

“hello, everyone! this is taehee and i’m about to do 100 questions and 100 answers!”

“ah! i’m aware that taeyeon unnie did this but,” taehee chuckles nervously, “i haven’t watched it so this is really a new thing for me.” she dramatically gasps in front of the camera, bringing a hand to her forehead as if she were an actress in theater.

taehee snorts when she realizes what she had just did, leaning forward to conceal her embarrassed giggles. she hears the staff laughing along with her, and she looks up, making eye contact with every one of them. “i really don’t know why i did that,” she straightens herself up before pressing the back of her hands to her cheeks feeling how warm they got from seconds ago. “i have absolutely no idea what came over me. i’m so sorry.”

“100 questions seem like a lot though,” she tilts her head to the side, sucking in air through her teeth as she squints at the computer screen. “i might end up talking a lot- i won’t bore you, will i?” taehee looks up at the staff again, her bottom lip unconsciously jutting into a subtle pout.

her face breaks into a grin as the production crew all answer ‘no’ at the same time. they absolutely adored her. “woah, i really like your reactions,” taehee giggles, “okay, let’s start!”

Q6. BLOOD TYPE

“blood type? my blood type is o.”

a small chuckle escapes the girl, “do you guys want to know something funny?” her right hand goes to fumble with the watch on her left, it was the one her mum gave her. “my dad loved to play around, and so when i was younger, i thought my blood type was z.”

you’d hear the staff burst into laughter before taehee did, bringing a hand to cover her loud ones. “seriously! i think it was in fifth grade where i knew that wasn’t real,” she reasons out, hands making vague movements in the air as she spoke. titters were still heard behind the camera, causing taehee to shake her head at them, arms stretching out to resume typing.

“i remember my dentist laughing at me.”

Q9. HAPPIEST MOMENT OF THE DAY

taehee beams, “when we have the day off, it’s usually mark that would wake up first. he’d wake me, then jungwoo hyung, then the rest will just follow and we’d all have breakfast.”

“and even if we don’t like talk or anything, the mood’s like really calming and comforting,” she adds. “i mean that’s how i feel. so the happiest moment of my day is having breakfast with the members.”

Q10. HOBBY

“being sexy,” taehee purses her lips and shifts her gaze towards the staff wearing amused smiles on their faces, some were trying to hide their chuckles at the girl’s openness. “why?” taehee asks in an accusing tone, brows furrowing together as she looks at them incredulously. she gasps, “you don’t think so?”

“okay, fine,” she shrugs, “being pretty.”

Q11. THING YOU’RE MOST UNSATISFIED ABOUT RIGHT NOW

taehee pouts, “not seeing czennies, of course! i miss seeing them already.”

Q15. IDEAL TYPE

all the confidence from minutes ago seem to disappear the moment she reads the next question, a shy giggle sounding from taehee. “why does it suddenly feel like i’m on a dating site,” she tilts her head to the side, running a hand through her hair before typing.

“tall,” she laughs. “is that enough or should i add more?” one of the people behind the camera shout a very enthusiastic, “one more!,” causing taehee to smile brightly at them. “i really like your guys’ reaction!” she tells them, “my members should be like you more.”

“okay, they have to like the food i like, right? then... someone who likes pizza.”

Q19. MALE CELEBRITIES YOU FIND HANDSOME

“male celebrities you find handsome- OH!,” taehee claps her hands in front of her, making jazz hands in the air in excitement for a bit before typing.

“nam joohyuk, lee dongwook, park bogum,” a playful smirk spreads onto taehee’s lips, her shoulders bouncing as she types.

her eyes widen and she looks up, “they’re all single, right?”

her remark makes the production crew laugh once more, and a grin takes place on the girl’s face. “people might take it the wrong way! i’m just asking,” she brushes it off slyly, adding, “they’re all very handsome men.”

Q20. FEMALE CELEBRITIES YOU FIND PRETTY

“oh but there’s a lot though...” taehee seems to think for a moment before slowly moving her fingers across the keyboard. “emma watson.... my friend, lee naeun.... aespa’s winter....” she mumbles. “ah blackpink’s jennie unnie, she’s sexy,” and she finishes off with, “etc.”

she chuckles as she meets eyes with the staff. pumping her fist in the air, she cheers, “yes, i am very satisfied with my answers.”

“next question!”

Q21. ITEM YOU TREASURE

“i consider myself quite sentimental, so,” she types, “anything that my love ones give me.”

she raises her left wrist, twisting it to show off the vintage watch that she wore almost everyday, “i’ll be honest. i don’t like wearing watches, but my mum gave this to me like eight years ago? it reminds me of her so i wear it everyday.”

“and then this one,” she then tugs on the bracelet hiding beneath the watch, rolling the thread between her fingers, before letting it go. “this one was given to me by jaemin last year... around new years? i think.”

"the members give me stuff like these for gifts. i have a lot more at home,” she beams, “they’re in this little box on our dresser.”

Q31. ALCOHOL TOLERANCE

“i haven’t tested it but i know i can drink more than one bottle of soju,” taehee stops a smile from showing itself by biting her lip, prompting the producer to ask, “are you just saying that-”

“NO!,” she quickly protests. “i can definitely drink more than one. right? right, of course.” the production crew chuckled as she talked to herself, taehee’s dimples peeking out from the corners of her smile as she types, “more than one... for sure,” on the questionnaire.

Q41. MEMORABLE MEMORY

“ohhh,” taehee hums. “we had this like, variety show. during the last episode, all 23 members were there and we were having fun even if we were just like eating and talking with each other. compared to the previous ones, we were all doing these fun activities and like an escape room? but i found the last one the most memorable to me.”

“at that time, i really felt like i was at home.” a small smile graces taehee’s features as she nods, “wasn’t that too cheesy? it’s sincere though.”

her eyes seem to scan the computer screen and she releases a short laugh, saying, “all my ‘happy’ answers have food in them. a way to a woman’s heart is through the stomach, truly.”

Q44. FAVORITE DANCE

“malhaebwa da eoseo da 'cause i'm not shy,” taehee dances in her seat, delivering a charming wink to the camera in the end.

“actually, all of itzy’s choreography is really nice. they’re so cool.”

“OH WAIT!!! chungha sunbaenim’s choreography is so beautiful too,” taehee gushes. “have you guys seen her choreography for ‘play’? watching it feels like a piece of art. she and the dancers pull them off so well!”

she then mumbles, “i was learning the choreography to ‘dream of you’ sometime after it came out. i’m a really big fan of her.”

Q45. SONG YOU LISTEN TO MOST RECENTLY

“i’ve been listening to taylor swift’s old songs a lot recently, i can’t pick one of them,” taehee says. “i think she released a new song this month but i haven’t listened to it.”

“december’s the month where i always find myself drifting back to her,” she sighs dreamily, propping her chin on her right hand and looking at the camera with glazed eyes. “i really love taylor swift, i’ve been her fan even before debuting.”

Q46. WHAT DO YOU LOOK AT FIRST IN THE OPPOSITE SEX

“their eyes,” answered taehee, “a person’s eyes could tell a lot about the person, in my perspective. there’s like this feeling that you get when you look at them.”

“what’s the feeling that you get when you look at your members’ eyes?”

the girl snorts, tucking the loose strands of her hair behind her ear. “what i feel? i feel like they’re saying, ‘oh noona, you’re so cool. treat us to food some time.’”

taehee tsks, “haechan’s and jisung’s eyes speak the loudest.”

Q49. WHEN BETRAYED BY THE ONE YOU LOVE

“ohhhhh, this is interesting.” taehee smiles as she glances to the ceiling above them, thinking. “what would i do?”

tilting her head at the camera, she finally answers, “i’d let them go.”

“if they’re really sorry, then maybe i’d still let them in my life, but i don’t think i’d trust them the same way ever again,” she shook her head slightly, her serious tone was enough to send shivers down the spine of whoever had heard her.

Q50. WHAT YOU WISH TO GIVE TO THE ONE YOU LOVE

“mmm, trust? i want to let them know that i trust them.”

taehee cards her fingers through her hair, sighing. “trust doesn’t like, only come into play to see where a person’s loyalties lie, but it can also be like, ‘do you trust me enough to confide in me? do you trust me enough to let me help you?’ i want to be able to give that kind of trust to the people i love.”

Q55. WHEN CHUBS IS THE CUTEST

taehee squeals, “i love this question!”

“chubs stays in our dorm sometimes, before she doesn’t get to spend that much time with us but now she can. so when i’m not in the dorms, mark and jungwoo hyung just watch her because she’s like really energetic and if you leave her alone, you just won’t know what she can do,” she laughs. “and then i come home and i’m really tired so i just jump in bed and lay down for a few moments, but chubs wants to play with me so she does whatever she can do to get me to sit up and play with her.”

“and then when she notices that i’m tired or something, she’s gonna stop and lay down near me or on my stomach, sometimes she’d pat me. i don’t know where she learned that but she does that,” she chuckles, and her voice tones down a pitch softer, eyes gazing off to the side as she toys with her necklace, “that’s when chubs is the cutest.”

“i said too much, didn’t i?” taehee scrunches her nose at the camera, “i really love my dog.”

Q66. ARTIST YOU WANT TO HAVE A COLLABORATION WITH

“i don’t know if this can be considered but maybe something with ten hyung and taemin hyung,” she laughs. “like an sm station with the three of us, i think that’d be nice.”

Q80. MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT

“honestly, it would be chubs,” a wide smile makes its way onto the girl’s face as she nods. “haechan was the one who gave her to me, so it’s technically ours, i guess.”

“that’s when i felt my love for him overflow,” taehee proceeds to make gagging noises, disappearing under the table as if she were vomiting, only coming back up to jokingly ask for water. “let’s hope he doesn’t watch this.”

Q84. INTRODUCE YOUR PHONE CASE

“introduce your phone case, okay!”

taehee picks her phone up from the table and shows its back to the camera. it was a clear case patterned with cute drawings of different kinds of dinosaurs in shades of green and blue.

“it’s a dinosaur phone case. we had a video call fansign event a few months back, and one of my fans told me they call themselves dinozens,” she explains, chuckling, “but i guess jaemin knew that before me because he got this even earlier than that.”

she pointed to the picture that was stuck inside, adding, “this is the picture we took for the concert tickets. i kept some, see?”

Q85. IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

“friendship, of course!” taehee types.

“if the person i dated ever hurt me,” she winces, twitching her head to the side before nodding, “let’s just say it won’t end well if they’re going to deal with yuta oppa after dealing with me.”

Q86. IF THE EARTH DESTRUCTS TOMORROW

taehee answers before typing, fingers tapping rhythmically on the table as she props her chin on her other hand, “i’d want to go home, then surf with my dad and my mom would watch us from the shore. she tried surfing but she doesn’t like it.”

“then i’d hangout with the members, eat miso soup, play with chubs,” she lists off, “tell the person i like that i love them.” the other people that were there with her bursts into laughter once again, taehee’s body shook with every one she tried to hold as she scrolls upwards, scanning the previous questions. “nam joohyuk, lee dongwook, park bogum,” she calls, her eyes playfully squinting towards the camera, “i love you.”

Q95. WHAT I’D BECOME 20 YEARS LATER

“twenty years later? i’d be forty-two! woah,” taehee mumbles, “forty-two...”

“i’d still like to sing,” she nods. “i’m not sure if i could still dance by that time, i’ll try,” a giggle slips past her lips until she gasps, snapping her fingers, “i want a house!”

the crew laughs once again, this time at her innocence. “i’d have a house, then a car, and then there would be this space where chubs could play in. that’d be so nice.”

Q100. TODAY’S TMI

“we’re at the last question!” taehee cheers. she stands up and rolls her shoulders, smiling to the staff behind the camera as she stretches for a bit.

the girl goes back to her seat and hovers her fingers above the keyboard. “today’s tmi,” she reads, before sending a sweet smile towards the camera, “ah i woke up earlier than i usually do, so i went first and made 김치 볶음밥, with eggs, and then mark woke up and helped me, then we woke jungwoo hyung up.”

“yes, that’s how we had breakfast this morning.”

“so we finished answering 100 questions! YAYYY!” taehee cheers, her dimples poking out from the sides of her face. “i had so much fun answering this. it’d most definitely change the next time i do something similar but for now, these are my answers.”

she tucks her hair behind her ear and clasps her hands together, the bracelet on her wrist making its appearance again, “i think it’d be nice if the other members do this too; see how crazy we are,” she mumbles the last bit of her sentence, intentionally wanting that part to be heard. she raises her eyebrows cheekily and pursed her lips, shrugging. “i’m very sure i wrote nothing i would regret in the future so,” she raises both of her hands before her, waving them cutely, “this was 100 questions and 100 answers with me! bye bye!”

#taehee misc #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #wayv #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct blurbs #nct reactions #nct au #nct x reader #nct female addition #nct female member #kpop female addition #kpop female oc

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thrillridesz · 3 years

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[ to start from the prologue - click here ]

n/a: unedited!

“Ah, I was just asking.” You said, trying not to let your smile waver as you watched Jacob’s shoulder drop, the expectant look in his eyes giving way to disappointment for just a split second before he smiled gently.

“Oh, okay.”

“I’d be down to hang out anytime you want by the way!” You hurriedly added in an attempt to clear the awkward tension in the air and Jacob must have sensed it when he gave you a reassuring look to alleviate your worries at the possibility of accidentally blowing him off.

“That would be great. I’d love that,” He said softly, his tone warm and kind and you felt your heart skip a beat. You had just met this guy but you already knew you liked him. There was something so soft spoken and almost angelic about his demeanor that you can’t help but want to get to know him a little bit better.

“Would you like to exchange numbers?”

“Sure thing.” He grinned and you handed him your phone for him to key his number in. As he did, you couldn’t help but notice how his soft hair fell over his eyes and how he seemed to simply radiate a naturally ethereal and soft aura. The butterflies in your stomach were beginning to flutter wildly and you wondered if this was what ‘having a crush’ felt like. You had never had one since fourth grade.

You still remembered how it all went down. Despite your best efforts to make him like you, all he did was trample heartlessly on your good intentions and feelings. You stiffened as you recalled how he had ran away from you the moment you presented him with a handmade card on Valentine’s Day which you had spent a lot of time designing. The process had been gruelling for a young kid your age, to stay up late just to get yourself covered in glitter, glue and paint only to be rejected without even an answer. That day, you had felt so devastated and upset that you refused to even eat dinner until your grandmother threatened to bust down your door herself.

Over time, you kept the memory at the back of your mind, refusing to remember as you chose to place your focus on things that more greatly deserved your attention. Was one guy really going to change all of that? It felt a little ridiculous, seeing that you have just met Jacob but you could feel that was this sort of chemistry between the two of you. There was something so innately pure about him that you really liked. He exuded such warmth, unlike the boys you’d usually meet. This was one boy you could seriously like.

“Y/n? Y/n?”

You shook out of your daze and realised that Jacob was peering down at you curiously and you felt the embarrassment start to creep in.

“Sorry, were you saying anything?’

“Um, I was asking if you wanted me to key my number into your phone as well.” He said, looking a little confused. “Was there something on your mind?”

“Ah, it’s just… School.” You laughed it off and he chuckled, a deep yet soft laugh coming from within his chest.

“I can relate! I have that expression when I think of school as well.”

Pressing your number into his contacts, you handed his phone back to him and he smiled, “I’ll text you soon.”

“Didn’t he say he was going to text?” You wondered as you stared at your phone for the nth time.

The subway train slowed to a stop and as you alighted, you kept your eyes glued to your phone, feeling your heart sink with each passing hour. Even as you slipped it into your pocket, you could feel yourself being on high alert for any notifications, pings or vibration. As you walked down the streets and felt the slightest tremor, you could feel the anticipation coursing through your veins as you checked the notifications only to sigh deeply.

[ (1) notification from emma🔥 ]

hey are you there yet? i might be a lil late

yeah im actually already here

You texted back, pushing open the double doors to find the place still relatively calm and serene. There wasn’t anyone else except for an eldery couple at the booth in the far corner and a hooded figure hunched over a chocolate smoothie by the bar. The lunch crowd wouldn’t be here until another half an hour so it was plenty of time for you to relax and prepare yourself for an afternoon of unadulterated chaos and rushing lunch orders.

As you tapped your employee card against the electronic reader, you barely noticed someone creeping behind you and before you knew it…

“Y/n!”

“Oh! Fu- Kevin!” You scolded, slapping him lightly on the back as the boy doubled back, shaking with laughter. Your phone had clattered to the ground as you jumped and immediately, you doved for it, inspecting it for any damage and turning to glare at him.

“You… You should have seen your face! I’m dying!” He wheezed, his laughs almost coming out in pants at this point.

“Ugh, go annoy someone else.” You rolled your eyes, pushing past him while he trailed behind you.

“C’mon, it was just a joke.” He said, following you out to the cash register where you started your first duty of counting all the money in the till. Leaning on his elbows, he peered up at you curiously. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“I’m not that petty, Kevin.”

“Didn’t think you were,” he grinned and as your phone vibrated for the second time, you rushed to check it again, the excitement in your expression not going unnoticed by Kevin. As you deflated and stuffed your phone back into your pocket and resumed your duty of counting the notes, he asked, “Who was that?”

You purse your lips. “Just Emma telling me that she might be really late.”

“Huh. You were clearly expecting someone else to text you, I can see it. Come on, spill.” He said, his voice bearing a teasing tilt to it and you knew you could hide nothing from him.

Kevin was a friend you knew since you were in first grade. The two of you had hit it off almost immediately and grew to become a very close duo. In a way, he was the Watson to your Sherlock, the Joey to your Chandler, the Key to your Peele… You get the idea. He was your closest friend, someone you could confide in without needing to fear any judgement on his part. He was someone you told your deepest darkest secrets to, even ones that you kept from everyone else so that only the both of you knew about it. The bond the two of you shared was strong and almost unbreakable and there was practically nothing that would escape the notice of either of you.

“It’s just some guy.” You relented, feeling the heat on your face coming back.

“A guy huh?” Kevin mumbled, his expression one of mild surprise and something you couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Not going to lie, I didn’t expect that.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, you’ve always been so invested in school and school only.” He shrugged before continuing, “When did you meet him? Where is he from?”

“Firstly, I’m not always ‘so invested in school and school only’. Let’s make that clear,” You retorted, “I met him yesterday at the bleachers before class so he’s from our school.”

“Interesting. What’s his name? Maybe I know him.”

“Jacob. Jacob Bae.”

“Wow, you even know his last name?”

“That’s what he keyed into my phone, dumbass. I’m not a stalker.” You rolled your eyes, showing him the contact information which he squinted at.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this yesterday?” He asked, frowning.

“We didn’t have a chance to talk. You had extra classes, Belle wasn’t in school and Simmi had some debate club meeting.” You replied nonchalantly, slipping the money back into the register.

“Still.”

“Alright fine, stop acting like such a dad.” You laughed, patting him on the back and his eyes darkened for a second before he reverted back to his previous carefree state.

“By the way, didn’t Bec say we’re expecting someone new today?” Kevin asked as he disappeared into the back of the house. You nodded, rearranging and organising the condiment bottles by the kitchen counter.

“Yeah, we are. They should be here any time soon.”

“Sorry, I’m new here. This is my first day on the job, do you work here?” A voice asked as you kept your head down, focused on the task at hand. That must be the new guy, you thought.

“Ah yeah, I do! You must be-” The smile on your face fell sharply as you saw who was in front of you.

The guy in front of you stared back, eyes wide with a mixture of shock and surprise in his expression as his mouth hung open. He was tall and had a lean figure with a handsome face that you would have recognised anywhere or rather anyone from school would have recognised, not just you.

He was the school football team’s quarterback and also the one who had broken your heart way back in first grade - Lee Juyeon.

“You… Y/n…”

“He’s here?” Kevin called from the kitchen, jogging out from the kitchen with a bright smile, ready to greet the new arrival only to skid to an abrupt stop as he saw who it was. His reaction practically mirrored yours and quickly, the smile disappeared as he stepped forward, his eyes blazing with barely concealed irritation.

“What are you doing here?” He asked Juyeon, who looked extremely ill at ease.

“I-”

“Ah, yes! You’re here! Juyeon, is that right? I see you’ve met my other two servers?” Bec, the restaurant manager interrupted as she walked forward, blissfully unaware of what she had just walked in on and shook his hand. There was still a startled, ‘deer caught in headlights’ look on Juyeon’s face as he shook her hand weakly, unable to get a word out.

“Y-yeah…”

“Excellent! Come with me, let’s get you settled here. You all will have a lot of time to socialise later, don’t worry.” She winked and you exchanged a look with Kevin that very clearly indicated that none of you wanted to have anything to do with Juyeon. The quarterback casted the both of you a nervous glance which neither of you returned before he followed Bec into the employees’ room. There was no time for any conversation as the two of them disappeared through the doors and immediately, you and Kevin erupted.

“Why the fuck is he here-”

“Of all people-”

You drew in a deep breath as you rubbed your hands over your face. “Ugh, why is this happening?”

Kevin placed a hand on your shoulder gently, concerned. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” You sighed. How ironic to have finally run into Juyeon in a place you’d never expect to run into him ever. You could still recall that very day…

Shaking your head, you shook the thought out of your head. No, you can’t. It’s best to keep these memories buried.

“I don’t get it. I’ve been trying all these years to avoid him and now I meet him here?!”

“Yeah, I know. I totally get it…” Kevin coaxed, his voice soothing and reassuring. You looked up at him and instantly, you knew that the both of you still remembered very clearly what had happened that day despite your best efforts to forget that embarrassing moment.

You had given him your handmade card that first grader you had stayed up to craft and instead of even giving you a proper answer, he had chosen to run away in front of everyone else. When you tried to talk to him, all he did was shy away and refuse to even utter a single word to you which would always hurt extra bad whenever you saw him getting along with everyone else in elementary school. In a way, his reactions had a domino effect such that other kids who were also his friends began to catch on to what he was doing and started to follow suit. The only friend you had with you then was just Kevin. Eventually when everyone in the same grade progressed onto middle school and subsequently high school, you tried everything in your power to avoid Juyeon at all costs.

You would never join any clubs he was in, you would not sit in the same area as he did when it came to lunchtime and you would not sign up for the same classes in the same time slot as he did. When you said ‘everything in your power’, you quite literally meant ‘everything in your power’.

Till today, the memory of it still haunts you one way or another. On one hand, it wasn’t really a particularly traumatising experience but on another, it totally was. What he did totally trashed your confidence and it even made you swear off crushes until well, maybe recently… But none of that mattered. Here he was in the flesh, at your workplace of all places and you are now expected to work with him? How bad can your luck get?

As lunch service began and the crowd began to stream in, you tried your hardest to avoid him as well, moving away whenever he came close. Kevin, knowing what your agenda was, made every effort to minimise any interactions between the two of you which you were also extremely grateful for. This was what best friends were for, and perhaps your luck wasn’t so terrible after all because Bec had him attached to Emma for most of the time thereby further minimising any form of potential contact or communication.

For the rest of service whenever you had to pass by Juyeon, you never once lifted your gaze to look him in the eye or face to face. You could feel his eyes on you and it practically took everything in your power to not look back or do anything that could possibly give him a signal that you were open to a conversation or any form of interaction. Whenever he walked into the kitchen, you would leave and when he came near, you would retreat. It was like avoiding the plague. It didn’t matter to you how hectic lunch service was when your heart and mind was so preoccupied with Juyeon’s presence in the same confined place.

Why had he come? Why here of all places? Why this job?

There were so many questions that floated around in your mind and before you knew it, the shift had ended. Before Bec could even dismiss you, you bolted and made a run for the employees’ room and as you made your escape, you could see Juyeon looking at you from the corner of your eye. Once you were in the safety of the employees’ room, you breathed a huge sigh of relief and realised the tension in your shoulders dissipated as well as you did.

What a service. Was it because Juyeon was there that you barely felt like any time passed at all? You must have been so caught up and self conscious with him around that it didn’t even feel like an entire afternoon had just passed.

Closing your eyes, you leaned your head against the cold metal of the locker door. As much as you hated to admit it, he was still so deeply attractive to you even after all these years. It wasn’t like you hated him but you definitely did try to. After all, it would have been so much easier to avoid someone you truly hated.

Whipping out your phone, you immediately perked up as you scrolled through the notifications.

[ (1) notification from Jacob Bae ]

hey y/n, i was wondering if you wanted to hang out later for dinner? at bloom mall?

The message was sent more than an hour ago and you could have kicked yourself for missing it. What if he no longer wanted to hang out? Was it still too late to reply?

You could help but smile to yourself as you recalled the moment the both of you had shared yesterday. Though brief, you really did feel a connection. Everything about him was so sweet, innocent and angel-like. All in all, he was your ideal type unlike a certain someone…

A knock on the door almost made you drop your phone and your heart was in your mouth as the knob turned.

“Y/n? You still here?” Emma’s voice could be heard and you felt your heart relax.

“Yeah, I am!” You answered, walking towards her. “What’s up?”

“Can I ask you for a favour? Pretty please?”

“What is it?”

“Could you please help me coach that new guy on how to refill and operate the sanitising machines? I would have done it but I really have to rush to meet my boyfriend for our anniversary dinner and I might be late!” She pleaded, clasping both hands in front of you in a begging motion.

Instantly, your heart dropped and frantically, you tried to deflect her request.

“Can’t you just ask Kevin?”

“Bec has him clocking in for an additional hour because supposedly, Dana would be coming in late due to traffic. If you’re worried that it would be awkward, it’s not! Kevin will be there, I know how close you guys are and that Juyeon guy is actually super easy going and I think you two would get along really well!” She said with so much vindication that you wanted to laugh but covered it up quickly with a cough.

“Would you please do me this favour?” Emma asked once more. “I mean… Don’t feel pressured! I understand that you might have plans so if you can’t, don’t feel worried. If you do though, I will literally buy you breakfast, lunch or dinner… Your choice!”

You looked at her with a defeated expression on your face. Do you tell her no and go on your dinner date with the new guy in town, Jacob whom you have a budding crush on? Or do you agree to help coach Juyeon as a favour to Emma and stay behind for an additional hour with Juyeon and Kevin in the diner, thereby forgoing your date?

What will you do?

➳ Say no

➳ Agree to help

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rainydaydream-gal18 · 4 years

Text

Dignity & Disposition

(Author’s Note(s): I struggle publishing Sherlock fics because as a Christian I blatantly disagree with his statements about God on the show and find it insulting actually. I love Jesus! He has saved me and worked in my life as well as those around me!

I otherwise enjoy the show Sherlock and enjoy writing fics with his character.

Someone told me they appreciated my last fic, and not sure if they’d like to be named, but I hope they enjoy it! You know who you are!

Just a warning, this is kind of a long fic. About six pages in my doc, soooo be prepared! It is riddled with Pride & Prejudice references, hence the title. Also, side note, I could see Benedict playing a pretty good Mr. Darcy... Enjoy!)

His piercing gaze filled you with warmth as his lips parted to recite the words you were so ready to hear. “I love you, most ardently… Please do me the honor of accepting my hand.” His voice was deep. It had a calming effect, and yet was still unsettling in such a good way.

Your eyes remained locked with his as you responded. “Sir,” you stated, breathless. “I appreciate the struggle you have been through, and I am very sorry to have caused you pain. Believe me, it was unconsciously done.”

His brows furrowed. “Is this your reply?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Are you...are you laughing at me?”

“No.”

“Are you rejecting me?”

Just then, the moment you had so persistently rehearsed was interrupted by footsteps up the stairs. It was none other than John Watson who entered the room, looking rather bewildered. He looked at you, then Sherlock.

“Am I...interrupting something?” he inquired, brows raised incredulously.

“Yes,” you and Sherlock chorused.

“Is this what I think it is?” He shifted his stance.

“I was cast as the part of Elizabeth Bennet for a Pride and Prejudice short film that a friend of mine is working on,” you informed him with a smile. “Sherlock was helping me rehearse.”

“Oh,” John stated. His mouth opened wide as he gave a nod of understanding. “Right, I thought this dialogue sounded familiar. For a split second there, it looked like…Nevermind.”

You rolled your eyes, though felt warmth in your face at the implication that this could have been an actual confession of love from the consulting detective.

As if, you thought to yourself.

It was true, you were merely rehearsing. However, the part of it that you couldn’t believe was that Sherlock actually volunteered to assist you after you entered the flat worrying aloud about your performance later. There’d be a camera crew and everything, though a small one. Sherlock claimed that your worrying was distracting from his latest case, so he agreed to go over the lines with you a few times until you felt more comfortable.

As much as you wanted to read into the thoughtful gesture, you decided to just take his word for it: he was just trying to get you quiet to refocus on the case. He was Sherlock Holmes, after all. He was no romantic like Mr. Darcy, swooping in to save your honor and gain your affection.

John’s confusion seemed to be replaced with an amused curiosity. He took a seat and looked at you, smiling. “Well, go on then. Don’t stop on my account.”

You looked at him and sighed. “Really, John? I feel awkward as it is.”

“You’re doing this for a film, right? Why not do it in front of a friend first?”

You sighed again, but turned your eyes back to the script in hand. “Okay, well, Sherlock, if you don’t mind. Let’s move onto the next section.”

“Indeed,” he nodded, flipping the page.

As you picked up on the next conversation between Elizabeth and Darcy, you couldn’t help but notice how well Sherlock played the part. He could be awkward and quiet and appear prideful. He was arrogant like Mr. Darcy seemed to be at first, but just like the book character your friend was often misunderstood. Only when one got to know him did they realize that he was merely socially awkward. Okay, and also still a tad arrogant.

After the scene was complete, John clapped. "You're going to be great, ___________."

"I sure hope so," you replied. "I just hope I don't freeze in front of the camera."

"Stage fright is quite common," Sherlock muttered. "You've faced many strange situations and villains while working with me and John. I am sure you can overcome this. If you should feel overwhelmed in the moment, imagine you are rehearsing here in 221b."

Sherlock Holmes giving you a pep talk?

He set down the script and returned to the table where his case files were scattered about, just as he had left them before. You looked at John questioningly, and he only returned with a pointed look and amused smile. You had both known Sherlock for quite some time, but even so he could be confusing.

----

Later that day, you met up with your friend to begin the filming process. This was only part one of four, each part being filmed on a separate day. By the end of the week, she'd have everything she needed to edit it together for her university project. It was more of an educational film for younger students to better understand the themes of Jane Austen's story, with you acting out major scenes to show character development and to demonstrate these themes.

So far, it was going well. There were a few times where you feared you'd forget a line or got distracted, but you pictured in your mind reciting the lines to Sherlock instead of the stranger in front of you. It wasn't that the man playing Mr. Darcy was doing anything wrong. There was simply a lack of chemistry. However, you didn't want to dwell on that too long because it brought up the possibility of you feeling chemistry with Sherlock. There was no way. Anything you felt had to be because of how surprisingly well he got into character. You'd seen him do it on cases when he was undercover. He could throw on a different expression and speak in a tone to feign emotion. It was important to remind yourself that when you started to get swept away with these strange feelings that you'd been fighting long before this project.

"____________?" The Mr. Darcy actor in front of you (what was his name? Brody?) waved his hand in front of you. "Everything alright?"

"Oh um yes," you nodded. "I'm sorry, where were we?"

"Actually, we're about to wrap things up!" Your friend, Emma, interjected. "Go ahead and get out of costume, Brady." She turned to the rest of the people in the group. "Thanks everyone! It's been a good day."

You waved at Brady as he walked away, and Emma came over to give you a knowing look.

“What?” you asked.

“I know that look. You’re smitten. I’m honestly surprised because Brady doesn’t seem like your type.”

You shrugged. “Well, that’s because he isn’t. It’s just that Mr. Darcy’s romantic tendencies would make any girl swoon.”

“For sure,” she agreed. “But really, ___________, who were you thinking about? Is it that dreamy detective you work with?”

You glanced around as if he would be standing right there. When the coast was clear, you gave her a look. “You can’t say stuff like that. He could be anywhere. And trust me, there’s nothing developing there.”

“Oh, _________, you need to relax. It’s okay to have feelings.”

“No,” you sighed. “It’s not. Not around someone like him, someone who notices everything.”

“Ohhhhh,” she raised her brows. “I get it now.”

You glanced at a clock across the way. “Wow, would you look at the time? I need to get back to the flat. Talk to you tomorrow?”

She laughed. “Alright, I’ll let you off the hook this time. See you tomorrow for filming!”

You waved and hurried off to call a taxi.

There you sat, in a stylish yet comfortable nightgown. John was sitting across the way typing up a blog entry while you indulged in a book. It was a relaxing night in the flat. Sherlock was out, most likely gathering information for a case. It was nice to catch up on some reading since there hadn’t been much time lately. John excused himself to the loo. With the click-clack of his keyboard absent, the room was silent for a few minutes.

Suddenly, the door flew open. Sherlock rushed into the room, causing a gust of air to rustle some papers on the table next to you. You had learned not to pay him any mind when he was running around solving cases, but his entrance was more abrupt than usual, so you peeked up from your book to see him standing there a few feet away. He was already looking at you, and so your eyes met.

“Hey, Sherlock,” you greeted with a smile. “How’s it going?”

He was silent for a few moments before finally responding. “Fine. It’s going fine.”

You gave a slow, confused nod. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Should I ask Mrs. Hudson for some tea?”

“No, thank you.”

“Okay…” You watched him stare at you for a good thirty or so seconds before he turned and headed to his bedroom. He flew past John who was emerging from the restroom looking rather bewildered. Sherlock’s door slammed shut behind him.

“What did you do to poor Sherlock?” John joked, knowing full well it was more likely the other way around. You shrugged, turning your attention back to the book.

“I have no idea.” You felt John’s eyes on you for a while longer, prompting you to give him a look. “What?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “It’s just that Sherlock’s been acting strange lately. Well, strange for Sherlock.”

“I can’t say I’ve noticed.”

“Really? Because I notice it mostly happens around you.”

You put the book down, curious. “Like what?”

“He’s been staring at you an awful lot. It’s only for a few seconds, but for Sherlock, that’s ages. He normally pays no mind to the people around him, just evidence.”

“I don’t know,” you mumbled.

“Here’s a thought,” John leaned forward in his chair, folding his hands. “And it’s a crazy one because Sherlock has this no-sentiment rule, but...what if he likes you?”

You fought the warmth that rushed into your face. “I think you’re right. That is a crazy one.”

“Hear me out.” John cleared his throat. “He helped you rehearse for your short film.”

“He told me he did that so I’d quit worrying and let him work.”

“Well, think about it. What does he usually do when people are talking and he needs to think? He usually just tells everyone to shut up.”

You nodded. “He used to do that to me too when I first met him.”

“But he hasn’t in quite some time. Instead of telling you to shut it, he went out of his way to help you.” John chuckled.

“So, what? Am I supposed to swoon because he doesn’t tell me to shut up?” You laughed. “This is ridiculous, John.”

“I’m just saying,” he continued. “I think he has grown to like you, even if he is terrible at expressing it.”

“Well, I guess I do appreciate it. Even a little.” You leaned back in the chair. “It’s still silly. He’s probably got something else on his mind.”

“Maybe,” he conceded. “Maybe give it some time and things will return to normal.”

The question was; did you want it to return to normal? John seemed to assume that you didn’t have any interest in the consulting detective, but the fact of the matter was you still had feelings...

You thought back to how Sherlock appeared to you when you first met him. He really did seem arrogant. After getting to know him better, you realized a lot of his conduct was due to being clueless on appropriate social etiquette...Although, some of it was indeed due to arrogance.

Eventually you warmed up to him, and he seemed to be less obnoxious toward you.

Was it possible there was more?

A part of you hoped it was the case, and the other side wanted to bury the thought out of fear that he’d notice and have something to say that you didn’t want to hear.

-----

Sherlock seemed to go back to normal. Or at least, as normal as a crew like that could be with all those cases. Two days after your conversation with John, you received an upsetting text from Emma.

“Oh my goodness,” you gasped. “I cannot believe this.”

Sherlock’s violin playing ceased, and John poked his head around the corner.

“What’s wrong?” John asked. “Was it another theft on that street we were talking about?”

“No,” you sighed, dropping your phone onto the chair. “That guy, Brady, who was playing Mr. Darcy decided to quit out of the blue. We only had a few scenes to go, and now we need to find someone else quickly to re-shoot everything in time for Emma’s project. We were already set back a few days from unexpected complications. Emma’s such a good student, and a bad grade would screw up her class.”

“That’s awful,” John shook his head.

“That must be frustrating indeed,” Sherlock agreed quickly, setting down his violin as if he couldn’t care less. “I am going out. Hope all works out for you.” His footsteps disappeared down the stairs, and you sighed.

“I’ve got to start looking for someone, or else Emma’s grade is in trouble.”

“Good luck with that, then,” John sympathized.

You took a look through your contacts to see if there would be anyone else suitable for the role who would have the time to help out. The search resulted in dashed hopes, and you briefly considered putting out an ad.

Not minutes later, you received a phone call.

“Emma? What’s up?”

“Hey! I’ve got a volunteer for the role of Mr. Darcy. It turns out, there are some shots we took of you alone, so we’ll only need to add a voiceover to those. There are still a few scenes I need with you and the new Mr. Darcy, so please get your butt down to the square in an hour while we still have light!”

“That’s great news!” You exclaimed. “How’d you find someone so fast?”

“I’m not supposed to say… He says he’s a friend of yours.”

“Oh, I wonder who that is. Could be Harry. He made a joke about wanting the role a while back, but I didn’t think he was serious.”

“I can’t say~” she practically sang into the phone. “Just get down here!”

You explained the situation to John and gathered your things with plenty of time to call a cab. By the time you arrived, Emma and a few of her classmates were getting things set up.

“Hey,” you said. “Where’s this replacement?”

“He said he’d be here any minute now.”

“I’m here.” Your heart stopped at Sherlock’s voice joining the conversation. There he stood, hands in the pockets of his big coat, gazing at you.

“Thank you for volunteering on such short notice!” Emma told him gratefully. “We don’t know what we’d do if you hadn’t stepped in. _____________ and everyone else has been working so hard, and it would have been a shame to cancel or switch projects so quickly.”

“Yes, well,” Sherlock sighed. “What do I need to do?”

“If you’d get in costume, that would be great.”

Sherlock took the bundle and disappeared in the tent Emma’s classmate set up for costume changing. You were frozen to the spot as you waited your turn, processing what was happening.

“But...Sherlock...He…” You blinked and turned your attention to Emma who shrugged with a huge grin plastered on her face. She giggled and set to work getting everything else ready.

When all was taken care of and the actors were lined up, you began filming what scenes were left and re-filming a few shots that Emma needed to complete the video. You were lost in reciting your lines, and thoroughly impressed by Sherlock’s take on Mr. Darcy. He really did fit the part well.

Things became strange when you started filming Mr. Darcy’s second proposal to Lizzy after he rescued her family from humiliation by the younger sister and the awful Mr. Wickham. Sherlock’s tone softened, and something in his eyes was different. There was a certain intensity you hadn’t noticed before.

“...My affections and wishes are unchanged. But one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

Before you could say the next line, Sherlock did something unexpected. He cupped your cheek and brought your face closer to press his lips to yours. It was firm, but his kiss was soft. You were utterly shocked, but instantly reacted to the gesture, bringing your hands up to grasp his shoulders.

“Wait,” Emma said. You heard the sound of pages turning quickly. “There isn’t a kiss in this scene- oh…” She giggled. “Well, well, well.”

Sherlock pulled away, eyes traveling from your lips to meet your gaze. Still dazed by his unanticipated actions, you said nothing. Instead, he spoke first.

“____________, let me explain. I set aside sentiment to pursue my work. It was very easy because I worked alone. Then, you and John came into the picture and insisted on becoming my friends. You both saw past my exterior. Beyond the machine to the man inside. But you specifically, I feel something different for you. My old self has been trying to block it, but it’s something I can no longer ignore.”

You were in disbelief, but glad. “I have feelings for you too.”

“I know,” he said quickly, and you raised a brow. He cleared his throat and uttered a quick and quiet, “sorry” before starting again. “I mean, there were signs that indicated you felt similarly, but I did not want to assume.”

“So where does this leave us?”

“Perhaps we can socialize, and not while on a case. Dinner?”

“It’s a good start.”

You exchanged glances, and you could have sworn you saw the slightest hint of a smile on his face before Emma spoke up.

“So,” she began, clasping her hands together. “As happy as I am for you, _____________, we still have to finish this last scene. You guys up for it?”

“Oh right,” you nodded, putting some distance between you and Sherlock. “Sounds good. Ready Mr. Darcy?”

At that, he cleared his throat. “Indeed.”

#Sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #Sherlock x Reader #Reader insert #bbc sherlock #sherlock fanfiction #sherlock imagine #romance

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emma-what-son · 3 years

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(Echee post) Did Emma Watson actually graduate from Brown University? Special treatment at college?

Posted on November 8, 2015

*PS this is a work in progress, will take a few days to get it in order...so apologies if it is incomplete Intro Emma has been talking about how important education is to her since she was 10. Even during the first interviews for Harry Potter promotion, back in 2001 for Philosopher's Stone, she was adamant about going to college. She's continuously said how important college/education is throughout the Harry Potter promotion years, but does what she say match up with what she actually did? She was playing along with that bullshit "Classy, educated" image she and her PR team (like her publicist Luke) have crafted for her, the one where she claims she is exactly the same as Hermione, the beloved character from the Harry Potter franchise. Course though, she's contradicted herself on that multiple, multiple times - sometimes saying she's exactly like Hermione, and other times claiming they're extremely different. There was some extremely strange stuff going down with Emma's Brown University Education though....as will be revealed below. And you'll have to start wondering if she actually did graduate or how much, how extensive and enormous, was the amount of special, unequal treatment she got for being a celebrity and a feminist (College campuses love pandering to social justice warriors/feminists - part of it is a natural love for them and another part is Obama forcing them to through the OCR and Title IX) Emma's Education Emma entered Brown University the Fall of 2009. Brown is a private, 4 year university/college in America. Emma entered Brown as an international student studying on an F-1 Visa. Okay Emma didn't do much BS during her first 3 semester (Fall 2009, Spring 2010, Fall 2010) at Brown and seemed to study there like most normal students, but it's after the first three semesters that things started getting extremely strange and Emma started telling a whole bunch of lies. Emma constantly raved about how awesome college is and gave every single impression she was going back to Brown in Spring 2011. getSurrey November 2010: getSurrey: Will you carry on acting? Emma: I will keep on acting. I’ve just been in a film called My Week With Marilyn. I’ve just finished shooting that. But finishing university is a priority. But I hope I do lots more things. I don’t really want to be put in a box – just yet. I’m not exactly sure. University Magazine Interview by Colin Turner (November 2010?): (Okay just note that this interview came out in June/July 2011 for Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Part 2 Promotion, but Emma mentions in the interview she just finished filming My Week with Marilyn, which happened in November 2010. Uni magazine is this student run magazine, so I'm assuming they don't do monthly issues (don't have the money/people for that) so it takes them several months to release an issue.) Colin Turner: You’ve gone to university, obviously, do you imagine taking up acting in the future or are you just seeing what happens? Emma: I just did a movie, finished something last week, “My week with Marilyn”, which is exciting. No, I think I’ll just keep doing things. But my education is my number one priority at the moment and everything else comes around that really. Parade Magazine Interview November 2010 (Emma Watson's Campus Confidential, interviewed by Jeanne Wolf): "I get some amazing offers to act, and sometimes it’s hard to say, “No, I’m going to stay here and do my homework.” People are like, “What do you mean she’s not available?” I may do some theater next summer, but this college experience is really important to me, and I won’t give it up for anything. I’m not going to school just for the academics–I wanted to share ideas, to be around people who are passionate about learning."

Echee says: Okay, notice how in November 2010 and even right up until January 17, Emma claims/gives the strong impression she's definitely going back to Brown University for the Spring 2011 semester. Big lol at the "this college experience is really important to me, and I won’t give it up for anything" two months before she did. By the way I have to mention the whole "Sorry for long absence from here - so much to do and so little time to do it in before I go back to school! Hope you're all ok x" was originally a tweet from Emma's @EmWatson twitter account but after she left university she deleted it lol. The picture I posted is from the official (that's why there's the blue check mark) Emma Watson Facebook page run by both Emma and her team. I guess she forgot to delete the facebook post after she deleted her tweet. For Spring 2011, the first day of classes was January 26 (per the academic calendar). Yet even at January 17, Emma stated she was getting ready to go back to school, hence her "so little time to do it in before I go back to school!" How the fuck can she be confused 1 week before classes start whether she's taking a personal leave of absence or not? Brown University Personal Leave of Absence Deadline

Brown University 3 types of leaves of absence

Okay, so of Brown University's three types of leaves of absence, Emma took personal. The deadline to declare you're taking next semester off is December 1, hence the Brown policy "If you are planning to take leave for the spring semester (Semester 2), you must declare by Dec. 1st." Either Emma was lying and trying to delay revealing she was taking time off to do her Perks of Being a Wallflower filming and BS Lancôme makeup and perfume work (very possible since she lies so much), or she was honestly undecided until right before, and thus requested special, unequal treatment that despite her missing the deadline, she should be allowed to take a leave of absence. Anyway I think it was special treatment from Brown allowing their publicity cow to get what she wanted. That means she was clearly lying in her January 17 tweet about going back to school.

This from Amanda Foreman, Emma's interviewer, for Emma's Vogue Magazine July 2011 interview: Emma struggled valiantly to fit everything into her life, becoming increasingly exhausted, until over Christmas advisors at Brown suggested that she take a leave of absence, a turn of events Yates was not surprised by. Notice how the Vogue article says it was "over Christmas"....Christmas Break for Brown starts after December 1, the deadline. First off, unless Emma's doctor signed off on it, then it was NOT a medical leave of absence, and her advisors gave her special treatment since she missed the personal leave of absence deadline already. And You know December 25 is over 3 weeks after the December 1st deadline, so that's an amazingly long extension despite the severe, absolute terms of "You must declare by December 1". Anyway, wowza, off to a bad start....getting special treatment when you're quitting school temporarily. Well, whatever, it's equality feminist Emma Watson that we are talking about here. She runs her mouth off talking about feminism and equality and whatever but like most Western (usually Caucasian) privileged feminists, have no idea what she's talking about. Despite Brown's Spring 2011 semester starting at the end of January, Emma kept quiet about all this until March 7, 2011. She announced it on her website EmmaWatson.com (which is now defunct and shut down): Here's her statement on March 7, 2011: As you know, I love Brown and I love studying pretty much more than anything. But recently I've had so much to juggle that being a student AND fulfilling my other commitments has become a little impossible. I've decided to take a bit of time off to completely finish my work on Harry Potter (the last one comes out this summer) and to focus on my other professional and acting projects. I will still be working towards my degree … it's just going to take me a semester or two longer than I thought : ) Hope you are all well! Thank you for all your continuing support. Emma xx.

On February 10, 2011 (well after the Brown semester had started), Emma confirms on twitter that she will be filming Perks of Being a Wallflower, which interfered with Brown (Brown school date ends May 20, Perks started filming May 9) and she had also already had various talks and was close to finalizing a deal with Lancôme. And she knew she would have to do some filming work for Lancôme commercials in the coming months. At this point clearly she was taking the semester off and yet she didn't announce it until March 7, 2011. Why'd she wait an entire month??? Why be so secretive of it? Just like how a week before classes started she was claiming she was getting ready to go back to school. And then why wait another month before she and Harry Potter publicist Vanessa Davies, release more details of this leave of absence? April 23, 2011 Press Release to Associated Press: LONDON (AP) — A spokeswoman for Harry Potter star Emma Watson says she will be transferring from Brown University to another university in the autumn. Vanessa Davies denied reports that the 21-year-old actress was "bullied out" of the Rhode Island university, saying there was no truth in reports by a number of online publications who cited classmates and "insiders". Davies said Saturday that Watson, who plays Hermione in the wizard movie series, has decided to pursue a different course not offered at Brown. She added that the star "has absolutely loved her time at Brown" and made many good friends there. Watson has recently taken time out of her studies to focus on her movie career. She has said that her first days in college were difficult. Davies did not identify the university Watson will be transferring to. Emma releases a statement April 30, 2011 on her website EmmaWatson.com (now defunct): I felt the need to let you all know the reason I took a semester off from Brown had nothing to do with bullying as the media have been suggesting recently. I have never been bullied in my life and certainly never at Brown. This "10 points to Gryffindor" incident never even happened. I feel the need to say this because accusing Brown students of something as serious as bullying and this causing me to leave seems beyond unfair. Please don't try and speculate about what I might do in September - no one can possibly know because I don't even know yet! Like my other fellow Brown students I am trying to figure out my third year and whether or not I will spend it abroad (this is common).

If you wondered why Emma let Vanessa Davies announce the transferring information, instead of Emma just announcing it on her website a week later, it's because Davies is head of publicity at Harry Potter, so they were working out how best to frame the narrative that Emma is still a hardworking student. Don't forget, ~200 million is spent on Harry Potter marketing for HP Deathly Hallows and Davies is part of that team and one of the heads. Warner Brothers had to protect their little cash cow until the movies were over and Emma couldn't damage their profits. Also, the Harry Potter spokesperson, Vanessa Davies, says Emma will be "transferring" but from Emma's own message (and it's later revealed), she was actually only just studying abroad, not transferring. Weird. April 2011 Associated Press Interview: I just knew I was going to be beating myself up because I wasn't going to be able to be doing the best that I knew that I could at school or in my job. If I'd been getting B's or C's I would've been really upset. Wonderland Magazine February 2014: You realize you can't do everything. I really did think I could do it all - commute back to the UK for Potter filming and press, then go to Brown for finals, and keep up with my friends and family. You can't do it by the way. You do have to take breaks. It's how I became interested in meditation and yoga. I developed bedtime rituals. Elle Magazine UK November 2011: Of course Harry Potter got in the way, with its relentless round of reshoots and promotion, meaning that Emma had to temporarily halt her studies at the start of this year. "I was basically commuting across the Atlantic. Taking a semester out wasn't what I wanted to do, but I am still enrolled at Brown." Collider.com Interview with Steve Weintraub November 14, 2010: Well, I keep trying to but she keeps finding her way back into my life. I still have two movies left to promote, and they’re still cutting and editing Part 2 so I might have to do some more voice recording and other stuff for it, so it’s a very gradual goodbye. I’m being eased out of it gently........I mean we are special, it is Harry Potter. But we only had two days—I was being sarcastic (laughs). Sorry, I have to like fill that in because otherwise it will be written, “we are special!” (laughs). But yeah we only had two days to shoot it and we needed so much more time than that. So yeah, we have reshoots at Christmas. So it’s not over. It’s not over yet guys! Echee says: Okay, what? Notice how in Wonderland Emma claims she was busy filming for Harry Potter and her Elle Magazine interviewer claims the same. Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Part 1 and Part 2 filming ended in June 2010, and then for less than a week they had to reshoot the epilogue in December 2010 (they reshot around Christmas time, so Emma had already finished her Brown Semester). They re-shot the epilogue because the makeup/CGI made the actors look elderly instead of middle aged. Also, HP and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 premiere was July 15, 2011. Generally press begins one month in advance (though you might do some magazine interviews 3-4 months in advance). Emma was not seen at any events/doing press until beginning of July 2011. She was stuck in Pittsburgh doing Perks of Being a Wallflower filming (which took place from May 9 to June 29, 2011) Emma was also filming for and doing work on her Lancôme stuff in March/April. How can she claim she was too busy during the Spring 2011 school year (which was from January 26 - May 20) with Potter filming and promotion? She did none of that. The overlap she had with school and non-school stuff was Perks filming and Lancôme filming/promotion. It had NOTHING to do with taking time off for Potter. Plus she was negotiating those deals for Perks in January 2011 and for Lancôme in December-ish. There was ZERO reason for her to take time off from school, but she did, because she was desperate for fame/money, and she blamed it on Potter to hide the truth. PopSugar On-Set May/June 2011 Interview with

Shannon Vestal Robson: Shannon: Have you read the book, and do you feel pressure to live up to it? Emma: I read the script first and then I read the book. It was so funny because I read the script and I came back to Brown and I told my roommates that I've just read this amazing script, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and my friends were like, "Oh, that's my favorite book. So jealous that you get to play Sam. If I was ever going to be in a movie, if I was ever going to play any character ever, it would be Sam. Notice how Emma mentions going back to Brown and asking her Brown roommates (Scout Willis, Madison Utendahl, etc.) about the book. So even during the Fall 2010 Semester, she was secretly thinking of filming Perks next year. And remember the interviews I posted above (from November 2010) where she claimed education and university came first? BS. She was already planning back in September 2010 (when she went back to Brown) about leaving next year. Also, remember this. Emma is claiming she was overworked with Brown and Potter stuff.....why in September 2010 was she looking at possible filming projects that would coincide with Spring 2011 Semester and Summer? If you claim you are overworked, why are you looking to add on more, extra, unnecessary work. She was also negotiating her Lancôme deal in December 2010 as well. Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Part 2 New York City Press Conference July 2011 (Listen at 17:30): "I'm going to Oxford, in the fall, to study English for a year. Just to explain, I haven't left Brown. I'm still enrolled at Brown, but I'm doing my third year abroad. Studying at home, abroad, for me. So I'll go back to the States to do my last year. I took a semester off but my A-Level credits actually count as an advance-place-me-out-a-semester so I'm no further behind, I'm still technically going into my third year. So, yeah, that's that." Something to remember is how Vanessa Davies (when the Harry Potter spokeswoman announced Emma was transferring from Brown in April)says "Watson, who plays Hermione in the wizard movie series, has decided to pursue a different course not offered at Brown". On Emma's EmmaWatson.com website in the FAQ section (undated), she says this: I was seriously torn as to whether to stay in the UK or go to the States as let's face it the UK has some of the best universities in the world. But, ultimately, I loved the course at Brown and really liked the idea of experiencing a different country and culture - and I must say I've never been happier, I absolutely love Brown. So strange how Emma + her Harry Potter spokesperson contradict each other. Emma claims she purposefully chose Brown (instead of staying in the UK for university) because she loved Brown's course, but then the spokesperson said the reason Emma is transferring is because Emma was sad that Brown didn't have the course she wanted to take. Emma reveals in the press conference that she will be studying English a Oxford. The thing is, Emma was and did graduate as an English Literature major. So Brown did have the course she wanted to take (which is what she earlier said). Okay so Watson claims here that despite taking an entire semester (3-5 classes) off, she's no further behind than the rest of her classmates. Damn, this girl must be such a hard worker to not fall behind. Still, is she telling the truth, lying as usual, or begging/threatening Brown University to give her special, unequal treatment? Fact checking Watson's "advance-place-me-out-a-semester" claim Brown University Office of the Registrar - The College, Advanced Standing Guidelines

Anyway, there's a lot of information and I only parsed out a bit of it, but here's a quick summary. Basically, to graduate from Brown University, you need to take a minimum of 30 classes during your college years (can be at Brown or other approved colleges) and also a minimum of 8 semesters. Just to mention, A-Levels are the UK equivalent of American Advanced Placement (A.P.) courses or International Baccalaureate (IB) courses. Also, when Brown says "credits" they mean courses/classes. So, yes, Emma told the truth in that her semester standing is no further behind because her A-Levels counted as an extra semester. However! Emma is still behind in total number of classes taken because A-Levels do not count towards your degree requirement of 30 classes/courses. So she needs to take more classes per semester than the average person since she's behind.

Vanity Fair May 2010 Interview: After shopping classes, she settled on European women's history, Ovid's Metamorphoses, and acting. “I think actually I'm the worst person in the class,” says Watson cheerily. So in Emma's first semester (that's the time period they're talking about), Emma took 3 classes - women's history (lol at this feminist class), Ovid, and acting. Brown requires students to take 3-5 classes a semester and so Emma took the bare minimum....kind of super lazy for someone so excited to get to college and start learning and whatever else she's been spouting for years. Okay, Brown's most basic, elementary requirement that ALL students have to fulfill to graduate is to take 30 classes. Since Emma only took 3 classes her first semester, that means 30 - 3 = 27 classes left to take over 7 semesters. Since Emma took a semester off but claims advanced standing, meaning she wants to graduate in May 2013 (September 2009 - May 2013), that means...... 27 classes over 6 total semesters. 27 / 6 = 4.5 classes per semester This I will go into detail in below, later, but just a heads up, Emma also took the Fall 2012 Semester off in order to film Noah. Because Emma had enough A-Levels, she did indeed get 2 semesters of advanced standing, but to graduate in 6 semesters means...... 30 minimum classes to graduate / 6 semesters = 5 classes a semester every semester Brown only allows you to take a max of 5 classes a semester and since Emma only took 3 classes her very first semester at Brown, it means it's impossible for Emma to graduate by May 2013 without special, unequal treatment....special treatment being either lowering the required 30 classes or allowing her to take 6 classes a semester, but come on, Emma is super lazy and unprofessional. Can you honestly see this girl doing 6 classes a semester when she lazily only took 3 classes her first semester? Freshman year is the easiest you know.... And their 30 classes requirement is their most basic requirement - to let her worm her way out of it would be absolutely disgusting.

#echee #echee's posts #brown

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emerald-studies · 4 years

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Diverse Perspectives | Discussion 2

I talked with @a-sucker-for-rosalie for her perspective as an Indian-American, Muslim woman and who is also the daughter of immigrants.

*Tumblr deleted this post AGAIN when I tired to post this, so again sorry for the mistakes*

[ It is required to participate and watch/read these discussions, in order to follow me. Participate or get tf out. We aren’t performative in my lil’ area on Tumblr.

This discussion isn’t representative of an entire population or meant to be super professional. It’s to share different perspectives and also is an opportunity for me to practice what I preach: intersectionality. If you’d like to participate in this series please send me a pm or an ask and I’ll get back to you ASAP. We can do a written, audio, or video interview.]

youtube

Faith: Ok, now...

A /@a-sucker-for-rosalie : Hi, my blog is @a-sucker-for-rosalie and my main blog is @theawkwardmuslimgirl, I’m a 24 yo Muslim woman from the United States and this is my story.

F: *laughs* Good job!

Have you felt an urge to assimilate by anyone in your life, or society in general?

A: Yeah absolutely, I think one of the biggest things for me has been my name I have an Arabic name, it’s something that’s been difficult for people to pronounce over the years, even my coworkers and some people in my family don’t say it properly and I’ve gone back and forth between absolutely hating my name and trying to whitewash it. Telling people to call me AJ or give me a nickname whatever they can think of or shortening it somehow. And then at some point when I reached college, and I kind of started to understand myself a lot better, I was like “Wait a minute, no...I love my name. My Grandmother who I’m so close to, or was before she passed away, she named me.” and it just became this big thing for me where my name was important to me and it was representative of my culture and my religion and yeah I’ve gone back and forth on that but I’ve kinda settled into, I like my name I’m not going to do nicknames anymore, ya know...if someone at least tries to make an effort to pronounce it properly, that's good enough for me right now. But I'm done hating that part of myself.

F: Right. And I think it's a kind of on other people to, just not make a big deal about it. If it's a cool, it's a cool name like then just say it's a cool name. You don't have to, like, drag out that whole conversation about “Oh, how do you pronounce it syllable by syllable by syllable?” Like, I mean, unless you (A ) want to, but like, I know, I've had friends that like I've encountered other people and they, they like kind of pick it apart and be like, “Oh, that sounds weird”. And it's just like,

A: Mm hmm.

F: So like, what? yourself yours sounds really basic, Claire. That also reminds me of Hasan Minhaj on Ellen, when Ellen pronounced his name wrong. And that was a whole thing, but it was like it just really makes you think like you can pronounce Timothée Chalamet Why can't you make an effort to pronounce someone else's name accurately?

A: Yeah, exactly. And my whole thing for a while, it's just like, I'm saying my name for you before you even see it spelled--

F:*laughs*

A: --you should be able to say it back to me, like you're purposely--You've never heard it before, and you're purposely making it harder for yourself.

F: That’s so accurate, you do Introduce yourself. So, yeah, that’s ridiculous.

As a child of immigrants, how is the anti immigrant talking point affected your mental health?

A: Um, I mean, I'm pretty white passing. And as a Muslim, I don't wear hijab at the moment. So on a personal level, like out in every day, I don't feel that. But then, you know, when Trump was running for president, and things like that, and there is all this, people were half joking that he was going to put Muslim people in concentration camps or something. And then the Muslim ban happen with travel. I think that was very painful to experience. I mean, it's definitely come and gone. It's not a constant thing. Like, I don't feel oppressed or as targeted as say, like, Black people or even like, Mexican immigrants or anything like that. But it definitely has. When it's come up again, it's difficult to deal with and it's hurtful and then you do go through all those emotions of questioning. “Okay, so like people are cool to my face, but when it comes down to it, who's gonna protect me or who secretly doesn't like my people?” You know,

F: Right. Yeah. Because all that has shifted, you know, like, people are hiding their ignorance. Trying to rationalize it now, so you never really know, is on your side. I think it's just like so scary.

A: And there’s people are like, “Oh, you're cool, but you know, the other people.” It's like, ummmm

F: I've heard someone say “You're like a good Black.”. Like,

A: Yeah, that's not cool.

F: Would you say like, do you just....I don't know, like, everyone is good in some way, I believe, like, deep down somewhere or they were good, and then they were just corrupted. So,

A: Yeah, I mean, I know people probably don't mean harm by saying that. And like, it’s just like, dude, educate yourself.

F: I mean, personally, I do think them by not meaning any harm, but saying it anyways makes it harmful.

A: Yeah, sure.

F: I mean, them kind of knowing that they're talking about something that they don't really know about. I think that's me. That's just me.

A: But no, you're right. I think there's a weird thing. I mean, when, when the whole protests started, and this Black lives matter thing, just in the past couple months got really big. There were all these white people on social media posting about, “I had no idea that Black people go through this!” and like, “I'm starting to really look at my privilege as a white person”. And I was like, okay, so many people really don't know what's going on. And on the one hand, I don't think they're bad people. And I know they don't mean it the way it comes across. So I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Like a lot of times it is just the lack of education on their part. Yeah, like I try. I try not to hate on people or like, call them out on that stuff. It's just like, Okay, here’s how you should actually approach this....

F: It's funny the way you put that

A: Like, like white women checking their privilege on Instagram was like, blowing my mind.

F: Oh, yeah. Not No. Yeah, Emma Emma Watson like, posting those black squares but cropping them so they fit her aesthetic.

A: Ah, God.

F: Yeah. And like, I have seen stuff like that, like, “Oh, I know about this” or, um, and it's, but, you know, the first wave really wasn't like 2014/2015 (of BLM)

A: Yeah.

F: And I remember because I was 14 or 15. So like if I was 14, and like, all these older people are like, “Oh, I know....” I'm like, Well, if I know Yeah,

A: What were you doing this whole time?

F: those women crack me up.

A: They crack me up too

F: Yeah, they're just discovering this like new like, essential oil.

A: Yeah, it's exactly like that.

You've lived in India for a year--Did you experience a culture shock or did you feel a sense of belonging?

A: Oh, absolutely. I don't think I've ever felt like such an outcast before. A lot of it was I didn't speak the language. My mom's parents when she was a year old, they moved to Canada and they didn't teach her our mother tongue either. Because they were kind of hell bent on their kids assimilating into Canadian culture, and fitting in with the white people. They didn't want them to be outcasts there either. I remember my mom telling me she was the only kid in her school and Black parents. Yeah, it was very, very white. And then, you know, I was the only kid in my Indian School who didn't speak the language. They spoke English at the school. So it wasn't that bad, but I think I definitely did stand out. As an American person. I was just talking to my sister last night. She's like, yeah, yeah. I told them. We live in California. And they're like, Oh, do you know Jennifer Lopez? I don't know.

F: You that's so fair, though. We give like Yeah, you do that to each other. Like, if you hear someone lives in____, like you're like, oh, have you seen a _____ out and about?

A: Yeah, I don't know. I think definitely It was early 2000s. Two. So there was sort of it was a different time. You can say stuff like that. Like we didn't, there was no social media or anything. So you don't really understand how other people live. Just what you see on TV.

F: I do you really regret not being taught your...[mother tounge]?

A: Yeah, I do wish I learned it. Um, I do want to try to pick it up. I know, in adulthood, that's a lot harder. But my cousins have picked it back up again. So I feel like I definitely could. It's not like I don't want to turn it into a “whoa is me” kind of thing because all my grandparents spoke fluent English. It was never a problem.

F: Mm hmm.

A: I think it's more of a retaining culture thing, but I don't think I would ever go back to India at this point, just because of the political climate there. There is a lot happening between Hindus and Muslims and just, it's not safe. And I don't know if I would ever make that journey again. As a non-tourist.

There have been many terrorist attacks against your community, how do you manage the pain of people viewing terrorism against your culture versus, like viewing it differently than 9/11? or other terrorist attacks against white people? Or largely white populations?

A: Also, good question. Um, I don't know, I feel like growing up as a Muslim, you've always kind of had this thing in your head that you are the other. And you're different from people. And I was think I was four or five when 9/11 happened. So I grew up with that feeling. It's not, I don't know any different. So it is this kind of thing of like, okay, I do understand that a large group of people hate us and we are targeted sometimes. But I think just like reaching back to my community and like looking back at my religion and like spiritual stuff kind of helps me like that.

F: Have you experienced your friends viewing it differently? Like holding other terrorist attacks in like a grander I don't know how to phrase this--

A: I think I get what you're saying. Like, like they think it's worse when it happens to white people.

F: Yeah cuz I've had friends that did stuff like that that would say like, you know like even America in general just like we paused in my online school one time for like five years minutes for 9/11 I'm like, Okay. Um, that's, that's great. Um, are we going to do that with like, I would have, I mean, not to say “all terrorist actions matter”, Yeah. It's such a huge thing. And then I'm like, okay, but are we going to tie that to what America has done in the Middle East? Like, I mean,

A: I'm very lucky that my friend group has always been very diverse. And they open and likes to talk about the news and keep up with those kind of stuff. I mean, my best friends are like an Indian Hindu and like a Catholic, Korean. Like, we're all over the place of that stuff, to kind of understand each other in that sense. So I've never had that problem for I feel other defy my friends in that way. And also As an ethnic person, I do tend to look for friends who are also in some sort of minority, just like as a comfort thing.

F: Mm hmm.

A: So I'm very blessed that I haven't had to, like unfriend people over things like that.

F: That's amazing. I'm glad you have that support. And your discussions must be very interesting.

A: Oh they’re great, we have great discussions.

How do you see yourself in your country?

A: I know it's like, trendy to be like, “I hate America. This place sucks”. Especially like as a woman as an immigrant as a minority. Like I, I, I recognize how blessed I am to be here and have the opportunities that I've had because my parents immigrated, and because this country does allow us so much freedom. I do think sometimes I question my place here. But for the most part, like, I don't want to say it's great, but like, I, I know what I have and I value it. I don't take it for granted.

F: Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

Do you think that public figures are afraid to voice their support for the Muslim community?

A: Some of them Yes. I can't think of off the top of my head who said what about what but I do, just like with influencers and stuff, like the Christchurch mosque shooting, a lot of people were silent about that. And that was very painful to see. But I don't know I feel like it's just it's something I expect at this point. Like, I never expect anybody to stick up for us. But when I see it, it definitely is nice. Like, I remember Kylie Jenner's but something when that happen, and I was like, “Oh, God bless you, thank God”. Someone said something. I think Kim Kardashian and I think Kourtney or Khloe might not have said something. And I was like, “Huh.” Like, I don't know, it's just like, you have to wonder where everybody's loyalty lies and like, do you have something against Muslims? 50 people just died for no reason while they were peacefully praying, like, is that not something? But then, like, I don't know. It's the whole thing of like, influencers saying they don't want to be “political”, which I used to understand. And at this point, you cannot not be political because it's just it's such a big part of Life at this point, and if you're not political, I don't know if you're aligned with Trump, or like your low key racist or what..so you saying nothing says something, you know?

F: Yeah, I totally agree. I think that says so much when you look at a person and what they talk about, but it says so much more what they don't talk about, ] I think--and like there are a lot of things to talk about To be fair, but when you look at current events, and tying what they're not talking about, to the present day, like in this moment, then that says so much and I'm sorry that more people didn't say anything about shooting that was just atrocious. Like, I mean, I didn't have social media than I would’ve said something.---

A: So I got up that morning and cried so hard. Just I was like, I mean, I don't need influencers to like, be pseudo activists or anything, but once in a while just remind your audience what you're aligned with. I feel like that's very important.

F: Yeah, yeah. I think that's so yeah, that's so fair because you may like have someone who is racist or like anti-Semitic or like any...homophobic in your follows and, like, if you don't talk about something, if you don't say, “Oh, we support blank here, get out if you don't”, or if you don't talk about frequently enough. I feel like those types of people can like, I don't know, hide themselves. I think, that's scary. Um, And I'm so sorry that you had to go through that type of feeling where you don't feel that enough people were talking about that tragic, tragic event. And I hope it never happens again, it should have happened in the first place.

Do you feel that you were the face of your religion and race when you lived in a very white area?

A: Um, like I said, I'm white passing. So no. And when I when I lived in those areas, I was very, very young. So it wasn't even an opportunity for me to even fully understand that my place as a Indian person or a Muslim person, but I definitely did not connect or relate to the white people. They're like it when you're young. You know, you're different. You just can't figure out how yet.

F: Hmm, that's a good way to put it. Yeah.

Is there a bigger divide between the young population and the older population in your culture versus the young white population? And the older white population?

A: Yeah, I think there is. That's a great question. Um, I think it just in that move from India, or any you know, you see this with most immigrants, no matter where they're from, but coming from your the motherland to the west. It's just the culture shock. I mean, with young people, so they want to assimilate. I see that with my peers a lot. They're just very desperate to fit in. They want the American culture they want to behave like white people. Go smoking and drinking and dating and whatever, things that aren't necessarily a part of our culture. But yeah, there's there's a lot of people trying to blend in. And I see a lot of brown people who were Indian when it's convenient, like on Instagram. It's like, “Ooooh, I'm Ethnic”, and then the other six days a week, and they're white. You know?

F: *laughs* Yes, I do. Like, that reminds me of like Halsey who brings out the fact that she's Black(?) when necessary.

A: I mean, like, I get it. There is a struggle there being white passing and still trying to be like, “Hey, I'm here.” Part of this culture and experience in some way or another in like you do feel like you have to prove that. And also, like, as a white passing person, I do feel like I haven't had a lot of experience that feels like a universal experience for other brown people. Like I don't get targeted like that I wasn't bullied for being brown or my skin or my hair or whatever, or my accent. So there is kind of this weird lack of camaraderie because you're not visibly part of your community sometimes. So I kind of understand where she's coming from. But when she uses it as a tool, it's like--

F: Yeah, like, Yeah, exactly. Like if you are using your platform to share voices that have had that experience. Like that's a totally other thing. Yeah, when you pull it out to complain about shampoo at a hotel Yeah, no, it doesn't suit curly hair of shampoo.

A: Who doesn’t bring shampoo?

*laughs*

What do you think about the hard working immigrant stereotype?

A: Um, because, like coming from an Asian background, you do have the people who did were the parents and grandparents who pull themselves up by the bootstraps and actually did work very, very hard to get their kids and grandkids where they are. But at the same time, I think both my parents came from like a generally privileged or like, middle class background. Like, my parents have degrees and my dad always had a job and he had his own apartment and cars stuff there wasn't that sort of struggle with us. I don't think it's not necessarily a universal experience. I do think Asian people need to check their privilege on that one like a lot of us, and we did not have that struggle.

F: Interesting. And this is a final question:

You've lived in diverse areas and very white areas, which area has affected you more?

F: ...although you said that you were in the white areas when you were younger.

A: So I think that definitely did have an effect on me. I think less so in terms of my culture, but more so just as a human being and how I tend to treat myself or treat other people as an adult, and even in school, like I know how it feels to be the outcast, and I know what it feels like to not fit in. So I think in that sense, it's just really shaped my worldview, like being kind to other people and them how I want to treat other people and identifying in other minority groups. How they feel other-ed.

F: Hmm, yeah, using that for good. Mm hmm. Yeah.

A: Really shaping my own understanding.

F: Yeah. That's amazing. Um, thank you for doing this.

A: Absolutely. Thank you for interviewing me. I appreciate it.

F: Anytime. If you want to come back anytime I can make more questions. I will stop the recording so we can talk a little bit privately. And thank you again.

Let’s have a discussion! Did you learn anything new from this conversation?

Let me know here.

To close out each post, I’d like to write a lil’ paragraph about the person I talk with:

Even though our talk was shorter than others I’ve had in this series, I could tell just how sweet A is. Her voice made me smile constantly throughout our chat. I’m appalled that she, and her community as a whole, have been subjected to the horrors of mankind that often are brushed off or ignored. Her strength and positivity are inspirational for me. I’m once again blessed that she took the time to chat with me. A was also another person who was there for me (sending love to the egg gang, again) and I’m so lucky to have such marvelous people as friends/supporters. A, if you ever need anything I’m sooo here for you.

You’re a sensational person.

-Faithxx

#twilight #muslim #india #immigrants #discussionswithfaith

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queen-erika-the-songful · 4 years

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what did you think about the live action beauty and the beast?

I wish I could like it more, but there’s just way too much that I can’t stand about it.

To start positively, I did like:

The new songs, “Evermore” especially. I think it’s the perfect compliment to “If I Can’t Love Her” from the Broadway musical. If you pair them together, they’re a great representation of the Beast’s character development

The overall visual aesthetic. The costumes were really nice, the sets were beautiful, and I really did like various mixes of white and gold in the castle.

Emma Watson and Dan Stevens had better chemistry than I was expecting. I appreciate that.

Luke Evans absolutely killed “The Mob Song”. He was really scary.

The attempt to give Belle and Beast some more scenes together. I think Belle reading to him outside and the talk they had in the garden were both sweet moments. They reminded me a bit of when Belle reads King Arthur out loud to Beast in the Broadway show. during “Something There”. They really needed some bonding moments between them to make the romance work. It also helps that I’m a big sap.

The main cast overall was pretty good, but Kevin Kline was the best actor in the entire film. His Maurice was so tender and loving; I really felt every emotion he portrayed.

Belle having a more active role in the climax, which is something I actually did want to see. I really like that she caught up to Gaston, and tried to take him on, even if was just for a second.

But then there’s stuff like this:

Like I said before, I do like the new songs...but seriously? We didn’t get one song from the musical?! And Menken even teases us with an instrumental version of “Home” when Belle first enters her new room. I mean they didn’t need to make it a full-on remake of the stage musical, but it would’ve been nice to see at least one or two of them implemented into the film.

WAY too much auto-tune used for Emma. Her voice isn’t even bad. It’s not totally grand but it was serviceable. They should’ve either let her sing and not process her vocals or just dub her over with another singer. There’s really no shame in dubbing, I mean even the first High School Musical dubbed over Troy’s parts.

They cut the original version of “Days in the Sun” with the Queen and Beast’s verses, which I think was a massive mistake. It’s so much better than the final version.

The push to make Belle more “feminist” didn’t feel entirely genuine. I initially liked the idea of her being the inventor and Maurice a clockmaker, but they don’t do much with it. In addition, she was already a pretty feminist character anyway. She saw through Gaston’s handsome exterior to his black heart right away, traded her freedom for her father’s with little to no hesitation, and didn’t give the Beast even an inch of a chance until he started being nice. Not to mention, she also tried to fight off wolves to save Phillip with just a stick and later tried to save the Beast from Gaston even though she was small and weak compared to both of them. She was a kind, brave, perceptive, clever, romantic - it’s not like being a bookworm was her entire personality.

They tried to make Gaston a “deeper”/more “complex” villain by making him a war vet with PTSD. That was completely the wrong decision and a little disgusting. My dad actually has PTSD from being a Marine, so this is a bit of a personal gripe. But I can’t understand the decision to make turn the villain, the guy we’re supposed to see as the “true” monster, someone with a real mental illness that clearly just needs help. I’m not saying that Gaston wouldn’t use his position as a war hero to boost his ego and be all high-and-mighty, because he is supposed to be egotistic, but like what was the point? What was wrong with him just being a vain, misogynistic hunter that wasn’t going to let Belle say no?

Also why did they put a set date/time for the movie anyway? What did that actually add? Maybe I just don’t get it.

What the hell was up with Agathe being the Enchantress and her showing up at the end? I don’t get it. She doesn’t need to show up in the story at all. She just needs to show up in the prologue and curse the Prince and that’s it. I know she’s supposed to be watching them or whatever but after the spell is broken she just stands around saying nothing. The leads don’t even see her so what was the point?

Who in their right fucking mind thought that the Lefou subplot was a good idea?! Oh yes, let’s make one of the first LGBTQ+ characters in a major Disney production the villain’s henchman with whom he is secretly in love, then give him a literal 2 seconds of screentime with one of the random bargoers at the very end of the film. Like...having him break out of a toxic, one-sided relationship isn’t a bad idea exactly, but it was done so poorly. Not to mention his name means “the fool” - sure, that’s a great name to give the only gay character. If they really wanted to break barriers, why not put Cogsworth and Lumiere together instead?

What did the Wardrobe/Madam Garderobe and the Harpsichord/Maestro Cadenza add? I mean, maybe they wanted to do what they did for Wardrobe in the Broadway show, but it’s different. There, she was given the name Madame de la Grande Bouche, and she was the palace opera singer. She and Babette (Feather Duster) were major side characters along with Mrs. Potts, Lumiere, Chip, and Cogsworth. In the live-action she and Cadenza weren’t even part of the court, they were visiting from another land. So why did they have to get cursed too? They were literally just there to perform and got caught up in the curse by chance.

They casted Audra McDonald and she didn’t even sing that much. Sorry but she should’ve been the one to sing “Beauty and the Beast” instead of Emma Thompson

I’m sure there are more things I’m forgetting to feel free to send in more asks if you want.

I guess if I was babysitting one of my school kids I wouldn’t mind watching it with them but I would rather just stick to the original and the Broadway show. I really feel like in an effort to “fix” the original, they both added too much and took away a lot and it ended up a bit of a mess. A mess that’s pretty to look at and listen too, but a mess nevertheless.

#asks #anonymous #beauty and the beast

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bisluthq · 3 years

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whew i am glad that last anon said something bc i have been feeling uncomfy for MONTHS about how you address karlie's presentation/sexuality. first things first def not a kaylor secondly i think you do generally do a deccent job of being fair/kind/objective and thirdly karlie isn't really my jam either as an object of sexual attraction. but DAMN the way you talk about kar is SO invalidating to queer womxn who are very femme. "obnoxiously hetty" ?? she's not talking about men at ALL (1/?)

I’m missing 5 and you seem to be done so like let me try reply.

Firstly thank you for sharing this and sure I’ll think more about this. You’ve brought up a number of valid points.

On the topic of the Makeout Fakeout I hard disagree because... I just wouldn’t do that with a straight friend (or any friend ever). I hear that teenagers might but this was a whole adult woman, running her own TV show, thinking of fun activities and that’s what she came up with. Like even if she were Kinsey 6 lesbian that’s... kind of offensive my dude. She literally goes “it’ll be fun for you” vibes to the audience. It’s done EXPRESSLY as a joke for attention presumably from men. It was inappropriate and shouldn’t have happened. Like idc what her sexuality or Ash’s sexuality is. The video is truly mindnumbingly IDIOTIC - like Dumb and Dumber vibes - at best and offensive af at worst.

This was a public platform featuring influential adults. Not a bunch of high school girls experimenting at a party.

She could've and should've just said no - it was her show.

If Ellen pulled that we'd still drag her.

However while I hard disagree on that video I hear some of your other points.

I think the biggest problem with Karlie for me isn't Karlie: it's fanfic Karlie. Like tbh I knew just a touch more about real world Karlie - maybe not even like probs about the same amount but I could easily recognize her - than I did about Joe when I made the blog but I'd been following Kaydom for years.

And I had this mental image of Karlie based on out of context snippets and like headcanons and made up shit. I heard she was a Gold Star lesbian (which I didn't believe really coz she was married to a man but like I figured maybe she heavily leans that way like Cara D), with dyke energy ("boyfriend Karlie"), and that she had a reputation for being a casanova type when she was young, and that she’s unbelievably sexual and sultry and like... raw unharnessed sexual energy.

NONE of that is true.

So I think like that actively annoys me.

Because I watch content of this woman who - sure - could be anywhere from Kinsey 1 to Kinsey 5 (and I have no issue speculating). And what I CANNOT imagine like even for a second is any of the shit Kays spout/spouted about her except maybe sunshine angel.

And I think I knee jerk to that. Because I’m like “are you blind do you have eyeballs how is this fucking boring ass bland vanilla cheerleader who can’t string two sentences together called Klossanova?” Which is wrong and mean of me. I know her awkwardness and STEM brain is relatable to many nerdy girls. I believe she has a strong net positive on the world. I know girls who are shy or awkward about sexuality love her content and it resonates because she’s so unlike anyone else in that industry. But then let’s talk to that?

Not “boyfriend Karlie” or to quote Voldemort “Taylor shouldn’t let her out of her sight” - anyone can let her out of her sight she is a golden retriever she will always come back for love and attention from her partner tbh (so Josh).

At the end of the day a lot of this discussion will always be rooted in stereotypes - we’re speculating about people’s personal lives and have no idea what is in their heads - but like... sure Karlie may be queer. She has never said or implied it tho tbh. She has regularly talked about Josh and boys in general. She has very much claimed a lane of allyship. And she has done so unambiguously not like Tay’s “our pride” and whatnot. She VERY MUCH presents straight - unlike say someone like Dua who probably is but who actively presents fluid or questioning - and has done fucked up shit like the video with Ashley Graham which isn’t phenomenal allyship but okay.

If someone actively presents straight by being hyper femme even in really sporty videos, talks about her boyfriend and boys in general all the time, and makes something like Makeout Fakeout I think it’s fair to seriously question the validity of that person’s gay rumors.

Because some people are straight.

Are some hyper femme people queer?

Obviously.

Is it offensive to - based on stereotypes - not assume that about them? To like... not pick them up on Gaydar because of how fucking incredibly straight they seem? Yeah I think so.

If they come out, that’s incredible and we need to ensure they’re not erased.

But like misreading them as straight isn’t a crime.

For me the Karlie stuff isn’t just that she’s girly. She just... has a straight energy much like Emma Watson and Blake Lively do. I can see Kaylor happening when I see them together but sometimes I think it’s because Taylor would flirt with a fucking tree tbh and it’d ping sexual.

I also think it’s possible Karlie is queer and on the ace spectrum and that’s what I’m picking up.

But like.

Idk.

The point is Kays have lied about her and yes I overreact to that sometimes and I’m sorry.

I’ll try be better about this.

But I also think calling someone who - by all accounts - identifies as straight and is married to a man and has never ever ever ever and will never confirm her only set of queer rumors straight isn’t erasing femme queers.

It’s literally just saying this woman is probably straight (or at best mostly straight).

I’ll think about this more tho thanks for sharing your thoughts.

#nat talks klossy

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missbasicxxx · 4 years

Text

Peter Parker has a crush on you and everybody knows...except for you Part 4 | imagine

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

But not for long. Especially at this rate. Peter has been totally losing his mind since last Wednesday. Once he realised how much feelings he had for you, it was all he can think...and talk about.

“Ok, Ned. So hear me out. I think all I have to do is to get y/n to like me.”

Ned furrowed his eyebrows.

“I thought you didn’t like y/n.”

Peter let out a frustrated ‘Urgh’.

“I KNOW. That’s what I thought too but I think I like her. No, I think I’m in love with her.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. So you’re telling me, that you didn’t even like her until last week, but now you’re suddenly in love? Peter, are you sure about this? Maybe your head is getting messed up because of those spider genes.”

“Yes!...Well, actually no. I don’t know, Ned. Maybe it is just in my head.”

Peter sighed and buried his head in his arms. Maybe Ned was right. Maybe he was getting it all wrong. He didn’t want to make any hasty decisions, especially when it was about you. As much as he hated that he couldn’t get out a proper sentence in front of you or that you are close with Flash, he felt good when you were around. When he looked back at it, you were always really nice. It was just that after you left, he felt like a moron for being unable to do anything when you were around. And he wasn’t ready to lose that yet.

God, he already missed having you around when it was only less than a week since he last saw you. Well, that was mostly on his part. He had been avoiding you because he didn’t want to make more of a fool out of himself than he already has. Ned didn’t think it was a good idea. And he secretly knew it too. But he just couldn’t bring himself to it.

His thoughts were interrupted by Ned.

“I got it! You’re on a rut!”

“What? What do you mean by... No! No, dude! I told you! It doesn’t work like that!”

“It makes total sense! See, you are very confused and on edge, obviously, and you’re suddenly attracted to a female that is nearby.”

“I’m not a spider, Ned. I’m a human with...some spider-like tendencies. And don’t call her a female. That’s just...weird.”

“Well...she is. And you’re a male, Peter. It’s natural.”

“No. It’s so not.”

Peter groaned into his hands. Ned wasn’t totally right but he did have a point. Teenage hormones can be pretty nasty and the last thing he wanted was his dick talking to you. Whatever this is, he was in no shape to go up to you. Not just yet.

But Ned had other ideas.

“Whatever it is, you better talk to y/n. Quick.”

“I can’t. You know I can’t. I couldn’t say one full sentence in front of her even when I wasn’t like this. And look at me now. I’ll be a pool of spider goo.”

“Why do you get so nervous anyway?”

“I don’t know... She just says things that I’m not used to hearing. And my brain goes blank.”

“What kind of things?”

“Like...complements.”

“What are you talking about? You’re Spider-man! You literally get complements all the time.”

“Yeah, but...not to me. I mean, me me.”

Peter’s voice grew smaller. He hated to admit it, but it was true. Compared to his alter-ego, he converged to nothing.

“Well, you better get used to it if you really like her.”

Ned’s voice softened.

“Cause I’m pretty sure she wants to talk to you, not Spider-man.”

Peter kept himself busy for the past few days. Actually, he kept him and Ned busy.

“Remember, Peter. You just have to memorise it and recite it. It’s just like the periodic table. Only, you have to do it in front of y/n instead of Mr. Dell. And she might ask questions which you have to improvise to, but other than that, it’s gonna be a piece of pie.”

They wrote speech for Peter to say to you so that he would be prepared. He practiced it thousands of times in front of the mirror, in front of Ned, and even a few times in front of MJ. (She first said ‘No, I’m not helping you losers make yourselves more pathetic.’ but Peter explained why this was so important to him and convinced her. Oh, and he also bribed her with a raspberry smoothie.) He was more ready than ever. He was going to do it.

“Wait, why pie? It’s supposed to be a piece of cake.”

Ned shrugged.

“For good luck. You’re pretty good at remembering pi.”

“Yeah. Thanks for the help, dude.”

With a pat on the back from Ned, Peter took a deep breath and walked into the cafeteria.

It wasn’t hard to find you. You were at your usual table like always. Surrounded by your usual friends like always.

Laughing like always.

God, Peter wished that he could be the one who makes you laugh like that.

As he walked closer and closer to you, he felt the knot in his stomach growing.

‘What am I doing? I can’t do this. I can’t. This is impossible.’

But just as he was about to turn around and run the other way, you found him.

“Peter?”

He watched in horror as you stood up from your table to rush over to him. He was about to have an anxiety attack.

‘This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. This has GOT to be a dream.’

You slowed down once you got close to him.

“I missed you.”

And just like that, Peter forgot all about the last week and a half.

“I know you’ve been avoiding me and if it’s because of what Liz said, I get it-”

You didn’t. You didn’t get it.

Peter really wanted to say something. Anything. But he just couldn’t. He hated himself so much. It was just three words. Just three words and he still couldn’t say it.

His head fell as he tried to hold back the tears.

But you noticed.

“Hey, are you okay?”

It took everything in Peter to nod his head at that moment. Which kind of sucks because you didn’t buy it.

Peter felt a warm touch to his left hand and before he even looked up, he was being pulled outside of the cafeteria with your hand on his.

It was soft.

Part 5

AN: Y’all are so sweet and I really try to reply to all of the comments and asks so sorry if I’m late but please hold on! I’ll get to them! And I really enjoy reading all of them! Sweet as a 3.1415926535 every single one of you :)

Tag list: @mara-twins @jillanaholland @silver-winter-wolf @theolwebshooter @beansyrup @parkeroffline @watson-emma @joebob15274 @le-yona @edgymuffin @belleknows

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moonbeamsung · 3 years

Note

Hey, what's your favorite color? What's your aesthetic? Do you prefer angst or fluff? Are you more of jeans or dresses kind of girl? What's your opinion on skirts? What would be your reaction to meeting Jisung? Cats or dogs? Summer or winter? Fall or spring? Cats or dogs? Bunnies or squirrels? Surfing or tubing? Would you rather swim in the ocean or adventure in the rainforest? Do you like big houses or small houses? Would you prefer a tree house or a swimming pool? Squids or octopi? If you could have anyone play you in a movie about your life, who would it be? What is your grandest aspiration? Which NCT Member do you want to fight the most? Which NCT Member do you think needs a hug the most? Which NCT member/members do you think you wouldn't get along with? Which ones do you think you would become fast friends with?

it’s a slow and dreary afternoon, and answering your questions seems like the perfect thing to do right now :O

can guarantee my answers will be extensive, so read more if you dare >:D

(i am also giving myself an excuse to overuse emojis because why the heck not, right?)

my favorite color is purple!💜☂️🪁🦄🔮🍬🎆🧬🍇it changed to blue for a while because my younger self thought that was the “cool” color to like, but now it’s back to the original☺️peer pressure? don’t know her anymore

hmm, my aesthetic? definitely soft and cheerful. a few things i can think of to describe it: warm pajamas fresh out of the dryer on a cold night, listening to french love songs at 1am, doodling in the margins of notes, little perfume sample cards, wearing lip gloss around the house for no reason except to make myself feel confident, spending more time playing animal crossing than i do socializing

rapid fire:

opinion on skirts: ooh, i don’t own very many (or possibly any? i’m not sure) but i’d definitely like to wear them more! they make me feel very cute hehe. i want to start changing my wardrobe and defining my style more clearly, too🥺

meeting jisung: geez, i don’t even know what i’d do....okay, so obviously there’s a lot of different ways to react to meeting a celebrity but out of the two main ones i think most people have, i’m definitely the type to be SUPER shy and quiet and have no idea what to even say (can confirm this, i have met one or two to know). i would probably try to work up enough courage to tell him how much i admire him, his talents, and that i hope to dance as well as he does one day, but i would be such a mumbling/stuttering mess no matter what

swim in the ocean or adventure in the rainforest: i probably wouldn’t be very cut out for the rainforest as i’m scared of bugs and snakes and have a terrible sense of direction lmao, so i’d say swimming in the ocean!

big or small houses: i really love big houses, and as cozy as smaller ones are i love having lots of room to move around. also a big house just has more room to decorate, and i’ve always thought it would be fun to be an interior designer :D

treehouse or swimming pool: THIS IS A TOUGH ONE hhhhhhhh but a treehouse would be a nice spot to just relax and get away from everything. i can see myself spending a lot of time reading or writing there. i guess i’d say that!

who would play you in a movie of your life: i’ve always heard this question asked and never really known how i would answer. is it cliché to say emma watson? she’s my birthday twin and i admire her a lot, not to mention i relate to her in some ways!

my grandest aspiration is to become an author. i still don’t know whether i’ll actually be able to pursue it as a career, much less succeed, but it’s something i really enjoy, and if that could be how i spend my life? it would be a dream come true.

as non-confrontational as i am, i guess i’d..fight...uh jaemin? i know it’s probably an odd choice but hear me out: for all the fanservice he does mans must have some sort of frustrations to get out, i imagine. but at the same time i’m pretty sure he’d go easy, because i am no wwe champion lol

i’d hug them all in a heartbeat, honestly. but who needs a hug the most? i’d say kun and taeil. i really think they need so much more love than they get right now, and if a hug is how they receive it? so be it. also think they need more opportunities to give hugs anyway, i bet you would feel so safe and comfortable in their arms? hello?? yes i want a hug now :(

i think that i would struggle more to get along with the more extroverted of the members, like lucas, ten, chenle, haechan, maybe even renjun or johnny as well? i know that’s a pretty general reason but idk what else to say. (though they’re all grown adult men..would i really get along with any of them—)

okay i’m just as affectionate as jaemin so that in itself is a definite yes. i also just believe we have quite a bit in common so there’s that too. mark, xiaojun, jeno, jisung and taeyong also come to mind, sorta quiet but i think they’d be really comfortable to be around.

i’m done rambling now, sorry it took so long for me to answer but thank you so much for sending me these questions, soulmate🥺🥰i love youuu!

#ana🌻#mootbeams <3 #my soulmate🥰🥰#question time with hannah

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thezfc · 4 years

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Wow, that’s going on with her chippers? I regret deeply that I kept quiet through the NY run, especially the beginning when Zawe said so many things about the play that didn’t match how she played her character. And her acting was so bad in London that during the play I thought that I don’t know anybody who vaguely behaves this way in real life. Afterwards I only tweeted however that Tom’s acting was brilliant and exactly how I had expected and Charlie and Zawe not at all. When I went a second time, I had added a photo of mine to my Twitter account in the meantime, and during the play I saw Zawe throw a pretty nasty look in my direction. I went a second time partly to see if her acting was any better being elsewhere in the theatre, which it wasn’t. When we stood at the other side of the street she threw us a condescending look as she came out and I thought “Wow.” and “What kind of hideous shoes is she wearing?” I guess the lack of sympathy is mutual. She triggers me all the wrong way by now, because I went to the theatre to enjoy myself and to watch Tom act and not to get that kind of treatment from his costar who is so full of herself that she seriously tries to shut down everybody who does not agree with what she thinks about her character? Five months into the play she hadn’t even understood the play as a whole and was overly astonished by things Tom and Charlie said and that should have been obvious to her even by then.

I think a huge problem is that many haven’t even read the play and never formed an opinion of it on their own. They just go along with whatever Zawe said. Zawe demonstrated a pretty hefty lack of empathy. She seemed not to even get the character that Tom was playing. Tom must have felt slightly fooled when she said something like it being such an enjoyable play. There were grown up men crying in the theatre! And not from laughter. She also said that she never felt her character was judged at any point in the play. It was the whole point of the character Tom was playing, Robert bottling up his emotions and not showing his feelings about it to safe face. Why did she even cry along with him? I gasped how cold blooded that Emma then went to buy a cover for the lovers dent. Zero remorse. And Zawe did say that she is playing this wonderful person who has everything in life, a husband, a lover, a family with kids, a career. Not quite what Jamie Lloyd also said in his recent interview, is it.

I didn’t agree with what Tom said about the three relationships either though, because if Robert hadn’t had that work relationship with Jerry, that’d have been it after Venice. And I don’t know about divorce law in the UK at the time. Zawe played her character incredibly emotionally abusive towards Robert in London. I gasped thinking that Tom has to go through this every night. But hey, a happy, funny play…

Did she really say anything worthwhile in the interviews? Other than that she knew that she’s great and that they are such a great trouple and having such a wonderful time together? I thought that personal relationships are clouding their judgement of the play obviously. Besides it never being such a good sign, because if people display their supposed happiness too much, there’s always something wrong there and such relationships rarely last. They didn’t even communicate about the play properly. Charlie was surprised that Tom considered him a friend. Zawe made fun of Tom saying that his character went to the island in Italy on the podium that was supposed to be about the play. Much was about her, her, her and her again.

So the men on the play were nice to work with. Good for her. Not so good is how she took full advantage of it. She said much without really saying anything in interviews. When the rumours came up, she put oil on the fire by talking about weddings and babies. If she was in a relationship with Tom that he wanted to keep a secret that was a pretty bad move.

It was however a very good move to get people talking about her, follow her every move, buy her book to find out what kind of a person she is, pay attention to her play. She wouldn’t even have been on Broadway without Tom.

Her chippers claimed that the relationship rumours would sell the play because people would want to see the couple. This is not true. Sales dropped with the rumours despite Tom’s tv appearance. They only rose again with the Comicon and then dropped again which is why, I think, they gave these interviews towards the end. They could have made so much more with the play. Even the 92Y event was only half sold. It seems people rather paid a lot of money to see Tom on his own at the Comicon than see him for longer for less money at this event together with her.

If she as least had anything useful to say, but all she does is steal from others. Her roles were written by others. The dresses are made by others. Even her hair and make up is done by others. She cannot even throw a facial mask on her face on her own. Her own play wasn’t well researched, spent only an afternoon in the library, she said, the idea came from somebody else and she wrote it within a day. Critics remarked that one can tell that she has parts in the play where she doesn’t have any personal experience and it shows, because nobody talks this way in real life in such settings. She said in interviews that she can only imagine doing things she’s seen others do.

In the SiriusXM interview towards the end of the run in NY she repeated exactly what the interviewer had just said. It’s common practice by people who want to make what somebody else said their own. This interviewer and the one on 92Y made sure that Tom and Charlie got more time to talk and they had so much more valuable things to say. She’s not an Emma Watson, a Jessica Chastain or Elisabeth Ohlsen.

When I heard about people wondering about that events company in Atlanta, I also immediately thought “Did she not get enough attention lately?” and “Is she trolling again?” It’s interesting that I wasn’t the only one to think so. I checked, her Instagram. Her posts with Tom got the most likes. Her follower count went up from 2000 I imagine to remember to 52000 when I looked last week or so down to 46000 the other day. Her posts only received 2500, which is still a lot, but less compared to the Betrayal run. The ones promoting her play got only around 700 likes. Approachable, by the way, for those who might not know, is part of the publicity game to gain followers.

Sorry for the long post. I found your tumblr in November and enjoyed reading it, saw many things mentioned but thought I familiarize myself first, not familiar with turmblr. Such long posts are probably also a no go. I’m still pretty clueless how to navigate this and to find other tumblrs and see what’s common practice. I just couldn’t hold back anymore seeing that people are bullied because her fans cannot stand people not agreeing with them. I kept quiet for far too long because I didn’t want such people at my throat. Keeping quiet didn’t do me any good, gave me some sleepless nights.

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Hi and welcome, but yeah, shorter posts more often will get your point across, super long essays may not get read by most people :)

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jamesginortonblog · 4 years

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He's just broken the nation’s hearts as the tragic anti-hero of BBC One’s Sunday-night sensation The Trial Of Christine Keeler – but James Norton’s next role has made the heartthrob actor “proud to become an honorary Welshman”.

In the title role of new film Mr Jones, Norton – already a favourite with bookmakers to be the next James Bond – takes on one of the most challenging projects of his career, playing a real-life yet forgotten hero from Wales who dared to combat and uncover one of history’s most shameful episodes of “fake news” from nearly a century ago.

James Norton at the Mr Jones screening at the London Film Festival

“Playing Gareth Jones was sometimes a tough call,” says 34-year-old Norton, known to millions from small-screen hits Grantchester and Happy Valley.

“In fact, when I first got the part and they told me it was going to be a Welshman who spoke both fluent Welsh and Russian, and all of it in a Welsh accent – that felt a bit scary!”

He needn’t have worried. As Gareth Jones, the mild-mannered young Western Mail reporter who travelled to Russia in 1933 and ended up blowing the whistle over the appalling truth about Stalin’s “Utopian” regime – and a hushed-up famine that killed untold millions – Norton presents us with a charming, softly-spoken hero with just a hint of a refined Welsh lilt.

It’s a million miles from those cliched, grating attempts at Welsh accents so often taken on by other English actors. ( Stephen Graham’s DCI “Taff” Jones in ITV’s White House Farm, anyone?).

Reports have emerged this week of Gareth’s great-nephew attacking the film for having “invented multiple fictions” – but as far as Norton is concerned, he feels the film stands as an honest and heartfelt reflection of Gareth’s character and incredible yet fatefully short life.

“We decided it was important to respect and honour Gareth’s journey – this Welshman from a small coastal town who ended up on this huge, bizarre and brave mission taking on one of the pillars of the 1930s political landscape in a very dangerous, pre-war Communist Russia,” says Norton, who worked with two Welsh dialect coaches to perfect his accent.

“So it made sense that Gareth would have maybe intentionally softened his Welsh accent, having been educated at Cambridge, in order to ingratiate himself in the community and then travelling the world. We wanted to keep it there without making it too distracting.”

Nevertheless, Norton – London-born but raised in North Yorkshire – was still required to speak Welsh in a few scenes, and Russian as well.

“I’ve never spoken either language before and I’m not a linguist – so I had my work cut out,” says Norton, who can also currently be seen on the big screen in the Oscar-nominated hit movie Little Women.

“But for those few months, I was very proud to become an honorary Welshman. My scenes with Julian Lewis Jones as my dad – when Gareth goes home to Barry – were challenging, but Julian was amazing helping me with my Welsh.

“Julian occasionally texts me in Welsh now, which is hilarious, as I think he’s forgotten I don’t actually speak a word!

“It’s pretty nerve-racking doing scenes where you’ve got to speak in a particular accent opposite someone who’s completely fluent in that language, so to have Julian put his hand on my shoulder and say, ‘You’re doing good, kid!’ was so reassuring.”

Learning dialogue for his Russian scenes was even harder.

“I had to learn all the Russian phonetically – it’s like learning music,” he explains. “I’d spend hours walking around wearing earphones and I’d look like a crazy person talking to myself, repeating phrases animatedly. But now I have Russian people coming up to me in the street, speaking Russian at me!

“Weirdly, I’ve done three jobs where I needed to speak Russian – War And Peace, McMafia and now this. I seem to have become the go-to guy for English-speaking Russian roles!”

The new film Mr Jones, directed by internationally-renowned Polish film-maker Agnieszka Holland, begins with Gareth Jones gaining fame in the early 1930s after his report on being the first foreign journalist to fly with Hitler.

Gareth, who’d graduated from Trinity College, Cambridge, in 1929 with a first-class degree in French, German and Russian, has also landed the job of foreign affairs advisor to former Prime Minister David Lloyd George.

With the Russian “utopia” all over the news, Gareth is intrigued as to how Stalin is financing the rapid modernisation of the Soviet Union and in March 1933 he decides to travel to Russia in an attempt to get an interview with Stalin himself.

However, on hearing murmurs of a government-induced famine – a secret carefully guarded by the Soviet censors – Gareth travels clandestinely to Ukraine, where he witnesses the atrocities of man-made starvation, as all grain is sold abroad to finance the Soviet empire’s industrialisation.

Deported back to the UK, it’s the Western Mail that publishes Gareth’s article revealing the horrors he has witnessed, but the starvation is denied by Western journalists based in Moscow, all under pressure from the Kremlin. As death threats mount, Gareth has to fight for the truth – and, meeting a young author called George Orwell, Gareth shares his findings... helping to inspire Orwell’s great allegorical novel Animal Farm.Gareth’s great-nephew Philip Colley made headlines recently, accusing the film’s scriptwriter of “inventing multiple fictions”, including wrongly suggesting he was an accidental cannibal.

Colley told the Sunday Times: “In the film, they have got [Gareth] up a tree eating bark, eating human flesh, tripping over dead bodies. They’ve made Gareth a victim of the famine, rather than a witness.”

Norton, however – interviewed prior to Colley’s remarks – says he received plentiful support from a number of Gareth’s surviving relatives, who came to early screenings of the film.

“They were all lovely in their support and they gave us their seal of approval, which was very touching,” recalls Norton.

“Our film’s screenwriter, Andrea Chalupa, was in touch with a lot of them early on. There’s so much literature and academia about Gareth’s work as a journalist, but Andrea found out some lovely titbits about his more private character.

“For example, when he went home to Barry he’d love being with his nieces and nephews and he became a big kid. His great-aunt told Andrea about one day when he came back home and he was rolling around with them like a labrador. That kind of story was invaluable to me.

“He wasn’t just this very earnest, principled man, there was a childlike, playful quality to him and he was almost a little bit gauche, a little bit awkward. You also want to honour his memory for his family.”

The main source of the film is a biography of Jones entitled More Than A Grain Of Truth, written by Gareth’s niece Dr Margaret Siriol Colley (Philip’s mother) and his great-nephew Nigel Colley (Philip’s brother), both of whom share a credit as the film’s historical advisors.

The book sparked Chalupa’s interest and she started corresponding with Margaret Colley soon after its publication. When Margaret died in 2011, aged 85, Chalupa remained in contact with her son Nigel, who became “heavily involved” in discussing ideas for the film. Nigel died in 2018.

Filmed predominantly in Poland, homeland of Warsaw-born director Agnieszka Holland, Mr Jones does contain some breathtaking snowbound scenes shot in Ukraine, where Gareth gets first-hand sight of the horrendous famine.

“We filmed in a tiny little place called Doch, which is three hours north of Kiev, in the middle of nowhere,” says Norton. “We’d drive for hours on these very unsafe roads, jangling your bones around. It was freezing cold in the snow.

“It was so remote that we had to put the word out to local farmers to come along as extras and we had a strict cut-off time – we had to wrap up at 5pm because they all had to go back and feed their animals!”

When it came to filming the scenes in Wales – notably Barry and the Western Mail’s offices in the film’s gripping finale when Gareth’s whistle-blowing scoop hits the presses – Norton reveals: “I’m really sorry to say they’re all filmed in Scotland! About an hour north-east of Edinburgh. A lot of those villages there have a quality of that small fishing town, for the Barry scenes.

“The other reason is that the film is partly funded by Creative Scotland and there’s that responsibility you feel to film there. But I think it worked well. It was a shame not to film in Wales, but we had a fantastic collection of Welsh players there, including Julian, so it felt home from home.”

Agnieszka Holland, of course, is not the first female director to work with Norton. He acted under the helm of Greta Gerwig on Little Women and with a largely female crew on the six-part TV drama The Trial Of Christine Keeler, which finished last Sunday, earning him rave reviews for his heartbreaking performance as Stephen Ward, the tragic scapegoat figure in the Profumo affair which brought down the UK government in the early 1960s.

“I’ve not gone out of my way to work with female directors, but I have great agents who always look for the best projects – but I really hope it’s a sign of the times,” he says. “The Christine Keeler story has never been properly told from a female perspective before, so that was the real attraction. Agnieszka, meanwhile, is the best of the best – the fact that she’s a woman is almost irrelevant.”

How does he feel about the fact that Greta Gerwig has been denied a Best Director Oscar nomination for her lauded version of Little Women, in which Norton plays eligible suitor John Brooke to Emma Watson’s Meg March?

“I can stand as witness to Greta’s brilliance and the fact that Little Women is up for Best Film and Screenplay is testament to her brilliance,” says Norton. “She singlehandedly redefined the story for a modern generation and it would have been wonderful to honour that in the nominations for direction – so it’s a horrible and unfortunate omission.”

It was while starring in McMafia, the gritty 2018 BBC1 thriller series with scenes of him bow-tied and gun-toting, that Norton’s name was first added to the list of contenders to play James Bond when Daniel Craig retires from the role after the next 007 movie No Time To Die. Remind him of that now and he laughs it off.

“It’s very humbling, it’s lovely and bizarre to be included in that conversation, but beyond that it’s all very speculative,” he says. “I think at the moment everyone’s concentrating on Daniel Craig in his final Bond film – for me, he’s a fantastic Bond and I’m sad he’s retiring.”

Right now, however, it’s Mr Jones and the legacy of that film’s largely unsung Welsh hero that are uppermost in Norton’s agenda. Tragically, Gareth Jones’ life was cut short on the eve of his 30th birthday in 1934, when he was allegedly shot by Mongolian bandits while travelling in Japanese-occupied China on a fact-finding tour.

“There’s much speculation about Gareth’s death at such a young age and there was a lot of evidence suggesting that it was orchestrated by the Soviet forces as revenge for his blowing the whistle on the hidden famine,” says Norton.

“His stories in the Western Mail were incredibly important. The more we can learn about Gareth Jones and recognise his extraordinary legacy, the better. And the fact is that right now, as politics becomes more polarised, we need more people like Gareth – investigative journalists to uncover the truth, with no ideological agenda attached.

“If this film encourages any future young Gareth Jones, then that’s fantastic. It’s a crime we don’t know more about these forgotten events and hopefully this film will remedy that.”

#James Norton #Gareth Jones #Mr Jones #interviews #article

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scarletwelly-boots · 4 years

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(I’m so sorry, it won’t let me read more)

Four years ago today, I woke up. I was freshly graduated, starting my first teaching job in two months, and it was a beautiful summer morning. It was also the middle of Pride month, and I was out and proud as a bisexual person. (I was still exploring my gender identity, but I fully intended to let everyone know once I had figured it out.) Life was good. Sure, there was a long way to go in rights, and that marriage equality was just the start, though at the time I was only vaguely aware of the form that long way to go needed to take. And sure, a goddamn Disney villain was running for president, but he was alienating a different group of people every day; he couldn't possibly WIN, right? And then I woke up, June 12, 2016.

I pulled up tumblr and I stared at the first post on my dashboard. I pulled up Facebook, and saw the same thing trending in the sidebar (FB looked different then). I googled the business name I had never heard of, in a city I'd visited once, and the breath left my lungs. Pulse. Fifty people, mostly queer POC, some friends and family. The largest mass shooting in our country's history, and it was a hate crime. The breath left my lungs, and it was as if I didn't breathe again for the rest of the day. In some ways, I'm still holding my breath.I was in shock. That's the only way I can describe it.

I went through the same motions I had with the Parkland Shooting, with Charleston, with Sandy Hook. I reblogged and shared awareness and lists of names and sympathy and sadness and anger. I didn't cry. I argued over gun control with Facebook friends, trying to make them see that if these laws don't get stricter, it could be me next. It could be them. Some didn't understand. I didn't cry. I mentioned it to my mom, but we spoke about it as if this was another horrific mass shooting. It wasn't what I needed, but I didn't know what I needed. I didn't cry. I thought about it all. day. long. Every second: taking a shower, watching non-news-related tv, making lunch, taking the dog out. I didn't cry.

It was the same day as an awards show (I'm sorry, I don't follow these, so I have no idea what it was called). I never watch awards shows. I watched this one. I think it was the one for Broadway, because Hamilton performed and Lin Manuel Miranda won something. He came to the stage and spoke, thanking people probably, though I don't remember his speech. And then at the end he said, "And love is love is love is love--" Cheers drowned him out. And I finally cried. It was the shock blanket I needed I guess. I allowed myself to mourn.

It took me years to realize that Pulse has followed me. When I started teaching that fall, I was not the same person I had been on June 11. I was not out and proud and damn those that didn't want me to be. I didn't come out to my coworkers. In four years, only one coworker has been told, explicitly by me, that I am queer. And we were not at school, and I whispered it, and I still spent the next day terrified other people would be told. It took me a long time to realize this was the catalyst, but knowing it was and doing something about it are two different things. I think twice about coming out to anyone now, whether it be my genderfluidity or bisexuality. I have anxiety, you see, so while I know a coworker is not going to pull out a gun on me in the middle of school even if they are homophobic, there is still a part of me that is afraid. Afraid for my life, afraid for my job, afraid of losing friends. And I hate being afraid because of who I am. But I look around, and I wonder what has really changed in this country? We have a VP who thinks I'm better off dead. We have a president whose daughter had the audacity to tweet "Happy Pride" when her father tells the government they can't fly pride flags from the government buildings in June. We have politicians in various states trying to pass Bathroom Bills, because they are so insecure in themselves they have to police where trans people take a piss.

But, you know? I'm trying. It may take me awhile to officially come out to coworkers, but I'm trying to advocate elsewhere. I'm seeing children's shows with queer storylines (Arthur, She-Ra, Steven Universe) be the representation I wish I had. I'm seeing people fight the Bathroom Bills. I see the main street in my town still full of pride flags even though pandemic cancelled Pride. And I'm seeing the heroes of my childhood, Daniel Radcliffe, Katie Leung, Emma Watson, Evanna Lynch, etc., stand up for me and my queer family against the transphobic creator of my childhood heroes.

I didn't write this essay to take a platform. (Thank you for reading till the end, though). I wrote it because I'm still grieving for Pulse. I wrote it because those fifty people who lost their lives four years ago should not be forgotten. I wrote it because I may not be out to everyone in my life, but I am proud of who I am. I am trying to let go of the shame and fear, because no one should be ashamed of who they are or afraid to be themselves. Happy Pride, Queer folks. We are resilient, we are brave, we are perfect just the way we are.

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