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mamamittens · 10 months

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In lue of my laptop battery deciding to try and kill itself, here's a fun headcanon for OP

OP characters as vampires

Marco

He's pretty old for a vampire and kind of relaxed. Settled is a good way to describe him. He's got his preferences for the time he spends and plenty of time to spend.

He likes seeing how fields of study changes over time from the superstition he used to deal with to complex studies he voraciously follows. He personally funds several promising researchers just to see where they go.

When it comes to his... Food, he likes to wine and dine a little. He's fine drinking from a bag but it's more satisfying feeling a connection to his donor. He likely has lived with a few humans he drank from in return for taking care of them as well. Likes intelligent, energetic, and fiery people. Makes him feel young.

Odd idea but I feel like he'd be more vulnerable to classic vampire weaknesses like being unable to leave his coffin if there's a rose on it and crossing running water. Not really the sun but it does itch. He's not quite 'demonic' enough for silver and holy symbols to bother him. Does need an invite to enter a home.

Ace

He's so edgy when he isn't living it up in the night. Feels like he deserves damnation like an insufferable mix of Edward Cullens "I'm a soulless damned" and The Lost Boys daredevil tendencies. He's restless and strongly wants a 'cure'. Startlingly young for a vampire.

He refuses to drink from people unless he absolutely has to, and when he does it's from scum of the earth criminals. After he beats the shit out of them. They usually don't make it cause he's starving at that point.

Oddly very vulnerable to the more demonic type weaknesses. So crosses, silver, and sunlight stop him in his tracks. Running water and garlic do jack shit though besides annoy him. He can turn into fog and a bat though, which he thinks is neat and appropriately spooky. Cannot enter a home without an invite and even has a hard time touching others without it as well. Fighting is an invite on its own, so the invite doesn't need to be explicit.

Thatch

Life of the party, really living it up and enjoys hosting dinners. Usually for his human friends, of which he has many. His greatest pride is his ability to somehow enjoy food despite it not saying his appetite in the least unless it has blood in it. His recipe books would be prized collectors items for any librarian but only Marco is allowed to store them when not used. Some can't be made anymore cause their ingredients are gone or unethical to procure anymore. Old but certainly doesn't act like it.

He likes it when his dinner guests offer blood in exchange for meals. A meal for a meal as it were. Usually after the main course and dessert as the pick me up to recover from the blood donation. He likes to think he can taste the 'true meal' from the blood after his cooking. Likes to cycle through donors and doesn't care for bagged blood outside of emergencies. He wouldn't mind favoring a specific donor though, usually only when he's really attached to their company.

His weaknesses thankfully don't include garlic. He can't see his reflection though and crossing running water is a no go. Silver also hurts but it's closer to an allergy. I like to think he could hypnotize with his gaze but doesn't cause it's rude. Needs an invitation to enter a home.

Zoro

Doesn't quite register he's a child of the night most of the time. Well traveled but doesn't realize it cause he's always lost somewhere. Has zero idea how old he is cause he naps so damn much in dark places.

He likes the blood of his enemies. No, really. Finds the antagonistic relationship adds zest. He will also drink from friends if offered but it's not the same as licking the blood from his blades. Drinks bagged blood if he finds it but always makes such a mess with them.

His weakness includes silver, his reflection, and garlic. Holy symbols make him pause but he can ignore it. Sunlight doesn't bother him but it does hurt his eyes. His gaze can paralyze though, which is why he keeps one closed. Makes sure he doesn't cheat in a fight on accident.

Law

Somewhat young vampire and very into the details about it. Runs a lot of experiments with himself and doesn't keep track of his own age except in his journals. Mostly for posterity. He's not super angsty about it but does have the "I'm cursed to walk the earth" vibes about him.

He prefers bagged blood. Less complaints if he drinks too fast because he ignored his needs for too long. Also not likely to be diseased and he hasn't researched his immunity enough to risk it. If offered he'd likely refuse unless he absolutely has to.

He has a strong aversion to holy symbols but is fine with silver and running water for some reason. Garlic just burns his nose but that's about it. As for sunlight he does burn in it but more like severe sunburn than bursting into flames. Not like he got much sun in the lab to start with. Has a hard time entering a home without consent.

Luffy

Very young vampire and seemingly doesn't care at all. Sees it as an opportunity for even more adventure than before. Doesn't seem to struggle with angst about it either. He can turn into a bat and fog but never remembers to do so. He also has a magnetic aura he isn't aware of.

Predictably quite glutenous with his blood. While it doesn't look like it, he does have standards for his donors. Bagged blood is just a necessity because of how much he needs. Likes adventurous folks for his blood and taking them in adventures to bond with them before drinking. Finds the adrenaline in their system makes it taste more heady. Can eat regular food and does but it won't help with his appetite for blood.

His weaknesses is mostly running water and silver, but he can see his reflection.

Sanji

Somewhat young vampire with old blood. Hates this and seems to live more like a new vampire with high standards. Has moments of self hate but generally seems to enjoy charming women with his vampiric charm. Can turn into fog but has a hard time holding it.

He prefers intimate dining experiences with his donors with explicit consent after wonderful dinners he makes himself. He can eat normal food and even subsists on it somewhat. But obviously he prefers women for blood though he absolutely has drank from men--its a shameful secret and he was very desperate for food at the time.

His weakness is silver, his reflection, and also can't move when a rose is placed on his casket. Cannot enter a home without consent and also can't drink from someone without consent either.

Whitebeard

A very old vampire than adores watching how the world changes. Enjoys gathering fledging vampires and sheltering them. Teaching them. Has a very strong vampiric magnetism and can transform but he hasn't in a very long time.

He enjoys drinking from drinking partners, the alcohol spiked blood tangy. Still somehow bad for his though. Pouts when he is given clean blood bags, complains that it isn't a proper meal if he didn't do at least a little hunting for it. Drinks frequently but in small quantities.

He has a weakness for silver, holy symbols (but like, really old ones), running water, and can't enter a home unless he's invited. Also can't get out of his casket when a rose is placed on it and whines when it's used to ground him for health reasons.

#one piece #one piece headcanons #one piece whitebeard #marco the pheonix #fire fist ace #black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #monkey d. luffy #thatch one piece #trafalgar law

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xycuro-illuminati · 8 months

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Bitter exes stuntdevil lore masterpost

Ok so here's the full lore of the bitter exes stuntdevil (Daredevil/Stunt Master divorce) story with how it went down and everything lol (images have alt text)

Big reminder that this would be my version of DD so keep in mind that Matt is Latino here and that I will be taking certain elements from shadowlands here (I'm sorry fellow dd mutuals I just like the whole demon possession aspect by itself. I don't like shadowlands and I think it sucks I just wished they made him into an actual beast demon yknow).

To give a summary of how it goes: The Hand is not involved with the Beast demon at all, they're not going to show up whatsoever. In this version, the beast demon is just a parasitic demon that was hiding in a flower that a group of cultists summoned and when Danny Rand and Matt went to investigate, Matt got too close and was exposed to the pollen, therefore, got infected. The beast demon would shut off his nervous system over time and made Matt unaware of things before completely taking over and transforming him into a monstrous demon that acts like a zombie. Matt would be in a comatose state while the Beast demon was using his body and did whatever it wanted and fed off negative energy. Shadowlands isn't a big marvel event, it just lasted for a short time with only the Heroes for Hire involved and after the exorcism (here's the art showcasing that), Matt was left in a distraught state where he wanted to rebuild himself and clear his head since all he could remember was strangling Foggy (comic here). It made him feel not only horrible and guilty, but he also felt like a burden bc Foggy was juggling between running the law firm and visiting Matt to help him recover. During this, Matt wanted to go back to San Francisco to try to regain his footing again and Foggy decided to let him do so thinking it might help him. It would be this version of the Daredevil Reborn arc (or at least, takes place after it).

And that's where Stunt Master comes in.

For those that don't know who Stunt Master is, George Smith was one of the early villains in Matt's rogues gallery dating all the way back to volume 1. He's a classic vol 1 type villain that wants nothing but fame and fortune, along with getting in Matt's way. His dynamic with Matt during that time was standard antagonist interaction but they also held a playful banter along with some really strong trust bonds and some homoerotic dialogue as per usual.

However, during the Death's Head arc, George has a change of heart after being forced to kidnap Karen Page and wanted to be good. He lead Ghost Rider (Johnny Blaze) and Matt to Death's Head and the three of them stopped him. After this interaction, George was no longer considered a villain and even becomes friends with Johnny during the older runs (which he originally met up with Ghost Rider bc he wanted to make up to Matt for his kindness).

George doesn't show up that much again but going back to where Matt is going through it post demonic possession: the two of them meet up. Matt tells him his identity as Daredevil and what happened during their catching up, and George tries to help him out by going on stunt rides to help get Matt's mind off of things. Since Matt had felt like a burden before, for George to treat him as if nothing changed, it made Matt feel better in some weird way. That was how Matt fell madly in love with George. All those wild stunts and running around as vigilantes, plus Matt being in a vulnerable mental state, it all added up for Matt to quickly attach himself to George and would do anything for him.

Matt and George began dating and Matt adopted some of George's cowboy aesthetics into his costume.

At first, they were doing a few good things here and there trying to do the right thing. But George has always wanted fame and fortune, so that fame got to his head and he started to fall back to his old criminal ways. Unfortunately, because Matt was so down bad and lovesick, he went along with it without acknowledging the repercussions. Matt returned to NYC to reunite with Foggy, but after Foggy learned about what George was doing, he wasn't a fan of this relationship (literally the smartest mf here and yes, Foggy was PISSED OFF rightfully so). Matt was getting worse and worse over the few months, and he eventually ditched the law firm and left Foggy to deal with work by himself while he and George went on a road trip to Las Vegas where they eventually got married there. Matt fully adopted the cowboy aesthetic and had a criminal cowboy daredevil suit made for him as both a wedding suit and a vigilante costume.

The two idiots kept causing a shit ton of crime including vandalism and theft, specifically robbing trains. Some of those crimes eventually caught Johnny Blaze's attention, making him surprised that his good ol' friend George was going back to being a criminal again. When Johnny confronted them, George rambled about wanting fame again and that any attention is good attention no matter what. Matt had even convinced George that Johnny's disapproval shouldn't mean anything to him, to which made Johnny believe that Matt was enabling him (here's the full comic that I drew here).

(It's also a little secret addition to this little exchange where Johnny expresses how he feels about Daredevil when asked:

Doesn't wanna say anything about the whole cowboy phase so he says this instead lol. But that's just me).

The three of them started beef with each other so whenever Ghost Rider was involved, it was a whole shit show.

(Full post of this image here)

Matt and Johnny fought the most while George would either watch from afar and root for Matt or continue with whatever scheme they were up to. Along with all of this happening, post marriage was starting to make Matt slowly wake up from his lovesick phase and he was realizing that George was not a good partner after all. The two would get into petty arguments while also doing some headass shit to spite the other. George was insensitive to Matt's feelings while Matt would constantly ignore George whenever he tried talking to him. Not only that, George was so bad at sex that Matt completely lost his sex drive. These two were not a good couple and over the year, Matt was slowly figuring that out.

George has done shit from putting the motorcycle in the bed, only caring about The Mets and watching their games during sex, played the worst disco songs Matt has ever heard, and he was overall just a shitty partner. The two of them eventually fell out of love and barely tolerated each other, whether it was during domestic moments or during their crime schemes.

At one point during a fight, Ghost Rider ruined the veil on Matt's suit along with using a heated chain on him and burned a section of Matt's left bicep. After that fight, Matt realized that fighting Ghost Rider for George wasn't worth any risk and refused to fight Johnny no matter what George says. George went after Ghost Rider by himself only to get absolutely smoked while his costume got tarnished in the process.

Matt later on went back to NYC to visit Foggy, and by visit, he basically showed up at Foggy's doorstep in the middle of the night during a rainstorm while still wearing the cowboy outfit.

Foggy was reluctant at first, but Matt admits being a stupid fucking idiot and apologizes for leaving Foggy to run the law firm by himself. After being let in, Matt begs Foggy to help him divorce George, and Foggy agrees to help him out just this once. Matt goes back to George to talk to him and after another argument, they both agree on getting a divorce since at this point they can't stand being around each other anymore.

After the divorce, Matt was finally improving on himself and then the events of vol 3 and 4 starts. During Matt's whole identity-being-revealed, whenever someone asks him about the whole cowboy Daredevil fiasco back in San Francisco, Matt made up the excuse that the cowboy Daredevil wasn't him but instead some random guy. A faker. An imposter, if you will.

George comes back during vol 4 in issues 11-12 where he decides to take the opportunity for more fame and fortune by orchestrating the entire Kid Stunt Master arc where he faked his own suicide and took drugs to make sure Matt couldn't tell he was lying. He also did this to spite Matt as well so there's that to add onto.

Since it's been a few years after interacting with each other and George (pretending to be) being desperate for his help, Matt decided to give him a chance and had truly believed that George had changed over the years. And Matt was genuinely sadden over his (fake) suicide.

Matt started reminiscing the good ol' days when they were friends and even the beginning days of their developing relationship. Of course, after finding out the truth of George orchestrating the entire thing, Matt quickly snuffed out those reminiscing feelings and went straight back to completely hating on George.

After that ordeal, he wants his ex husband to get hit by a truck. He wants nothing to do with George Smith whatsoever.

After Kirsten learned about the entire divorce, her, Matt, and Foggy decide to celebrate the divorce date as a fun little anniversary. A few years later, Johnny and Matt finally sit down and have a conversation about the whole criminal cowboy phase and after learning both perspectives, there was an understanding (comic I drew here). But despite learning the truth, Matt and Johnny still have some grievances between each other, they just learn to keep a distance and be respectful when necessary.

Which is why there's a hate triangle guide I made for the three in the first place lmao.

There you go, that's the entire lore for this crack hateship of mine. If I were an official Marvel writer, I would definitely use this to reveal Matt's bisexuality being canon. It would be the worst way to reveal a bi character but it would be so funny and so worth it.

Here's a playlist of it. If you have any cheesy, funny, or over the top dramatic bad break up songs lmk I'll add it to the list.

#marvel comics #daredevil #matt murdock #stunt master #george smith #ghost rider #johnny blaze #foggy nelson #kirsten mcduffie #bitter exes stuntdevil #headcanons and lore #tfw talking #this is just a silly little post of a silly shitpost hc #its my source of entertainment lol #DO NOT TAG AS M/CU #criminal cowboy dd

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duncankinnie · 2 years

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so i ran the TD cast through brantsteele's danganronpa simulator. here's the cast

predetermined roles: leshawna protagonist, harold smart guy deuteragonist, noah antagonist.

big s/o to @tdsierra for help with choosing protag/smart character/antag, justifying each murder, and for also just absolutely slaying in general

below the cut is the full rundown of the specifics!

chapter 1

victims: heather & cody. heather is the "seemingly important" character that becomes the first victim, and cody is basically cannon fodder

killer: izzy. she wants nothing more than to shake up the game and i salute her

chapter 2

victim: harold/duncan. this is where the predetermined plot derails. gives leshawna some development probably. lost lenore type beat. an alternate here could be duncan but this is how the generator decided it. harold victim route sees noah become the new smart guy deuteragonist and alejandro become the new antagonist killer: sierra. distraught over the loss of cody she decides to hit the group where it hurts and kill the smartest one. alternate duncan route is where she notices that courtney and gwen spearheaded the previous trial to focus on heather's murder and so she kills duncan to spite them

chapter 3

victim: courtney. she and gwen's friendship/relationship kinda starts to implode after they start blaming one another for the deaths thus far. gwen blames courtney for cody (and duncan) and courtney potentially blames gwen for duncan's death. leads to tensions that end with courtney dead

killer: gwen. self-defense, after the two start fighting again, courtney brings out a weapon and gwen defends herself, with the culmination being that gwen kills her closest ally. gets rly nervous in the trial and goes under suspicion for a long time due to being friends with leshawna

chapter 4

victim: owen. this one is a straight up accidental murder. lindsay plans on either defending herself from possible attacks or straight out killing someone to escape and owen ends up in her crossfire and she kills him accidentally

killer: lindsay. again, completely accidental. black comedy here tbh, lindsay only incapacitated him at first and then she decided she might as well finish the job and thus she spends an unreal amnt of time trying to figure out how to kill him

chapter 5

victim: noah. again the generator fell off in terms of the predetermined plot but this could be a v good character moment for justin as a sleeper antagonist

killer: justin. in the duncan survivor route where alejandro is the one currently running the gambit on antagonism, justin attempts to one-up him by killing the smartest player in the game. in the harold survivor route justin is jealous of noah's power in the game and decides to try and off him for good. either way it stems from jealousy and his narcissism

survivors

alternate chapter 2 route: alejandro, eva, harold, leshawna, tyler

other key plot points

aletyler canon. chapter 4 has a big tyler moment where he realizes that he's forcing feelings for lindsay and that he really likes alejandro. in either route tyler is his closest ally and best friend, which makes tyler evil-adjacent in the duncan survivor route. alejandro returns the feelings and they make it official not long after

eva/noah alliance. in the harold survivor route that makes eva evil-adjacent. izzy is also let into the alliance but commits murder before they can really solidify as a power trio. escope supremacy real in all timelines

alt route. already mentioned but this gives both replayability and different dynamics. literally bespoke imo

no secret mastermind/traitor, just vibes (and murder). chris is there to try and provoke tensions but other than that there's no real defined Big Bad. while noah/alejandro are definitely the most antagonistic of the group they're just as vulnerable and likely to die as the rest of the group. this provides a lot more tension and suspense and makes the surprise deaths of seemingly important characters all the more interesting and gut-wrenching

anyway uh. i want to write this but i also have no idea how to write this. if someone wants to coauthor hit me up fr fr. gonna be hyperfixating on this forever now thank u <3

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miss-andromeda · 6 months

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1, 2, 6, and 8 for All's Fair 🥰

Favorite scene or line?

I'll answer both!

Scene: Definitely the end of 'Gravity of It All,' where Andi and April are talking to the boys about saving Kirby on the fire escape. I think I aced the feeling I was going for, and I loved Andi taking April's hand and comforting her. I think I really aced her loyalty and her protectiveness over her best friend. 🩷

Line: Hmmm...I'm gonna cheat and say a few lines, from 'It's Nice To Have A Friend':

"Gah, if only she could love someone like me!" He exclaimed, then sighed to himself as he calmed down. "She'd make me the happiest turtle this side of the Atlantic...and I'd do everything to make her the happiest girl, no questions asked..." Out of instinct, he picked up the controller again, his gaze averting to it. "But, to be fair, Donatello, your feelings for her aren't gonna change the fact that she's always gonna be a friend to you. You know darn well that at the end of the day, even if she never loves you back, she's still gonna be your lab partner and especially your friend."

I really love this part, and this chapter, in particular. This is what separates canon Don from my Don; the latter, I feel like, is more emotionally mature and is more accepting of heartache - and clearly wants Andi regardless of the type of relationship - lovers, best friends, whatever. Canon Don can be a little too creepy with his feelings towards April (granted, the writers never really gave him a chance to experience heartbreak with April turning him down,) while I feel like my Don is more aware of the possibility that Andi wouldn't reciprocate his feelings, but as he said, he still sees her as a friend no matter what.

2. Did you have any ideas that didn't make the final cut?

I did! So without going into spoiler territory, let me explain:

Season 2's finale is gonna be a consecutive set of gut punches, we obviously know that. But along with Leo getting beaten half to death, Andi's also gonna have a fight with a recurring antagonist - who is gonna stab her and leave her to bleed out. This is still confirmed, but who finds her is different.

Originally, it was Donnie that was gonna find her. He was going to let his anxiety about her leaving April's apartment get the better of him and go searching for her, where he would find her bleeding out and seeing little snowflakes get on her body. He would frantically try and patch her up, before starting to sob and hit his fist against the rooftop asphalt in pain, all while freaking out who could've done this.

But I scrapped it for a different route - one that not only expands upon two other characters, but also makes Donnie patching her up have more sense to it, as he'll do it at April's apartment, where a first aid kit is readily available.

So in the final cut, Raph and Casey are the ones who find her right before they get to April's apartment. Raph is shocked and absolutely livid, immediately going to tie off Andi's wound to stop it from bleeding further with his bandana - all while fighting back tears at seeing his little sister like this (obviously they're not actually siblings, but their dynamic has already been established at this point.)

Casey is admittedly more shocked. He's never seen Andi be this vulnerable before, so to see it happen is crazy to him. He'll do his best to try and get her to talk to them and ask what happened to her (and even better, who did it,) but when Andi weakly tells them who (no spoilers as to who,) that's when she's goes unconscious. He'll look at Raph with confusion (like, 'who's she talking about?') and Raph will grimly tell him as he's picking up Andi - and admittedly, he's gonna feel guilty about assuming she's annoying because she just wants to be. Her life isn't all it's cracked up to be, and he's gonna gain a little bit of respect for her.

Granted, they're still not gonna be best friends, but there will be a mutual, almost grudging, kind of respect.

6. What character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

Hm...that's an interesting question. I think because she's the new addition to the cast and I have to imagine her part in each scene she's in, I'd have to say Andi, funny enough. It's only because I grew up with the canon story that I know it so well and I feel like I can read the minds of each character, but Andi's a different story, because all of her dialogue is my own and I have to consider her part in whatever scene she's in.

8. Which fic/headcanon do you feel most proud of?

By fic, I'm gonna interpret that as chapter 😅

So admittedly, I'm most proud of both 'The Very First Night' and 'It's Nice To Have A Friend'. I think both have really solid dialogue and action sequences, and have some of my favorite Andi moments. 'Very First Night' has Andi's concussion and her meeting Donnie for the first time, and 'It's Nice' has some really sweet Don/Andi moments, Andi being protective over April (I especially like her panicking over April leaving to storm the Kraang base,) and my favorite line in the series, 'The one who is called your mother wears the boots that are made for combat.'

And for headcanon? Probably the idea that Don and Andi are major fans of Stranger Things. Obviously the show wouldn't exist when the story takes place (All's Fair is in 2012, Stranger Things came out in 2016), but in my mind, they're both huge fans; constantly quoting their favorite scenes, commentating over each episode (giving theories, cheering or booing certain characters, etc.), and losing their minds when the new season comes out. And I'll finish it off with; every time a new season comes out, they claim the living room for themselves, get a ton of snacks, make a pillow fort for good measure, and binge the whole thing in one go.

----------

Lord, that was a lot 😅 But regardless, thank you for the ask! Love you ❤️

@android-cap-007 @happymoonangel @kikithedreamerwriter @jasminarts01 @thelaundrybitch @m1dnyt3-w0lf @raphsmuneca @margoteve

#all's fair in love and science #oc andi rhodes #tmnt 2012 #tagged!#fic tag game

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arcturusreads · 2 years

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Never Have I Ever... Been So Vulnerable

pairing: devi vishwakumar x ben gross word count: 3290 words request: yes/no prompt/summary: devi wasn't the type of person that enjoyed opening up to anyone. the only person she'd felt comfortable being that open with was her dad. after he had passed away, devi ended up keeping most of her emotions to herself because no one seemed to really understand her. that was until ben and maybe now she's found someone she feels safe enough to be vulnerable with. a/n: i spent all of season three screaming at ben and devi to communicate so i decided to take matters in my own hands. ao3 account: saiwriteswords

“Wait wait wait. Devi, what are you actually doing here?” After pulling her into his room and losing himself in a kiss, Ben finally brought himself back to his senses.

“I thought I made that obvious, you know, with the paper.” Devi shrugged awkwardly.

Ben’s arm was still wrapped around her waist as he looked her in the eye. “I know you came over with the paper. But why now? Why me?”

A million different emotions had overcome Ben when he saw Devi standing in his bedroom doorway. None of them were negative but he would be lying if he were to say that he wasn’t confused. The last time he’d seen her was in the school hallway when she was talking to Paxton. Ben had left pretty quickly after he’d turned up. Paxton had been good to him when he’d ended up in hospital and Ben had to admit that he wasn’t actually that bad of a guy. But for the three of them to all be standing there together… It made things a little awkward.

Devi sighed, her shoulder sagging. A deep and meaningful conversation was not the reason that she had gone to Ben’s but she didn’t think there was any way of getting out of it. Maybe she didn’t want to get out of it. The ‘one free boink’ pass had given her an excuse to turn up at Ben’s house without looking like a complete weirdo. But was that really why she’d gone?

“There’s just… a lot…”

Ben gave her a small smile, “Well, I’ve got all night.” There was a hopeful look in his eyes.

Ben wanted to have a proper conversation with Devi. He wanted her to feel safe enough to open up to him. He probably could on one hand then number of times they’d had a raw and serious conversation but something about that evening had felt different and Ben didn’t want to let this chance slip by.

Devi gave a small nod and Ben felt like he could breathe a little easier. Maybe there was a chance for the two of them. He sat down on the edge of his bed, waiting for Devi to join him but she didn’t. Instead, she began pacing on the rug in front of him.

“So, I mean I guess I should start with the biggest thing.” She took a deep breath before stopping in front of him. “I’m not going to Shrubland.”

Devi didn’t wait for a response before she began pacing again. “I can’t go, not right now. I need more time with my mom. Things have just been so messy with us and I feel like we’re finally in a good place and I don’t think I’m ready to give that up just yet. After my dad died… I think I just need to make the most of everything that’s in front of me instead of wishing for something more when I don’t need it… or want it.”

Devi finally looked at Ben and realised he wasn’t saying anything. What Devi thought was a look of incredulity was actually a look of awe. The past year had given Ben a chance to understand what was important to him. Whilst he still wanted to get into Columbia, he knew that it wasn’t the be-all and end-all if it didn’t happen. He didn’t have to work himself into an early grave to do it. And whilst he had been going through all of those changes, he hadn’t realised how much Devi had also changed. She seemed so much happier these days, less antagonistic. And hearing her talk now, maybe she’d also realised that there were some things more important than school.

“You think I’m crazy for giving it up, don’t you?”

“What? No!” Ben stood up, gently grabbing Devi’s arm to stop her from pacing. “Devi, I get it and I don’t think you’re crazy. I’ve never thought that. You lost a lot of time with your Dad, I understand why you wouldn’t want to lose any with your mom.”

Devi smiled at him, still shaking inside. She wanted to get everything off of her chest but she was scared of what it could mean. She and Ben had been getting on so well recently and Devi really didn’t want to ruin it. But something inside was telling her that she’d be doing both her and Ben a disservice if she didn’t talk to him properly.

Taking another deep breath, Devi tried to steady her nerves. She stepped away from Ben, leaving him with a confused look on his face. “I’m not done yet. Do you mind sitting back down?”

“Devi-” Ben tried to argue but was immediately cut off.

“Ben, please don’t argue with me right now. It’s cute and everything but I need you to just shut up for a minute.”

Ben quickly took a seat on his bed again, mainly out of shock from Devi calling him cute.

“I am so so sorry about everything that I did to you… you know, when I was dating you and Paxton at the same time…”

Devi saw him wince, he definitely didn’t need the clarification but she couldn’t shy away from what she had done.

“I hurt you and you didn’t deserve that. There’s no excuse for what I did, not in the slightest. It was seriously messed up. I hate that I hurt you. And I don’t know if I can ever make it up to you or if you can forgive me but I just needed you to know that I’m so sorry. I wish I could go back and change everything.”

Hindsight was 20/20. Dr Ryan would say something about how changing what had happened in the past wouldn’t give her the chance to learn from her mistakes but that didn’t stop Devi from wishing things could have been different. She reminded herself quickly that she was trying to live in the present though. All she could do now was try and make up for the things she’d done wrong and do better now.

“Devi, I- '' Ben sighed and looked down at his hand, picking the skin around his thumb. “I can’t lie to you and tell you that what you did didn’t hurt me. It felt like people were always just going to leave me behind. You… my parents… And I didn’t think I was going to ever be able to forgive you.”

Devi’s stomach dropped. She was going to have to accept whatever Ben said but that didn’t mean it was going to be an easy pill to swallow.

“But holding onto it… it doesn’t serve me in any way. I was angry and upset with you for months, Devi and it didn’t make me feel any better. I forgive you, Devi. You don’t need to keep apologising about it. I’ve moved on from what happened. It’s taken me some time and thinking about it hurts but I don’t think you’re a bad person, Devi, you just made a bad choice.”

For some reason, that was not the route that Devi thought the conversation was going to go. Even though they were on much better terms now, she’d thought that Ben might still be holding onto some of the animosity and he’d have had every right to.

“Thank you,” Devi’s voice came out as a whisper.

Ben gave her a comforting smile before tilting his head slightly as he studied her. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re here. I mean, why you’re actually here, Devi.”

Devi opened and closed her mouth a few times as she tried to find the words that she needed. How was she even meant to start this off?

“Uh? Devi? Is everything okay?”

Realising that she had left Ben’s question hanging and was probably starting to look like a goldfish, Devi shook her head to clear her thoughts. “Yeah, sorry.”

Devi clasped her hands in front of her, fidgeting and looked down at them. “So, the reason why I came here… The reason… that I came to your house… have I told you that you have a nice house? Really big windows. There must be a lot of natural light and that probably helps with the electricity bills. So, it’s a pretty efficient house. Congrats on that.” Once she had started, Devi couldn’t stop herself from rambling.

Congrats… on his house. I am such an idiot! She chastised herself, dying of embarrassment.

Ben couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, “I’ll be sure to tell my dad. He’s going to be so pleased that we have such an efficient house.”

“And he should be!”

“Devi…”

“Right, sorry. The thing is,” Devi looked up from her hands, if she was going to do this, she was going to look him in the eye. “Ben, I’ve liked you for so long. I mean like like.”

Like like, really? Was she trying to sound like a kindergartner? Devi knew she needed to do a better job with this proclamation.

“Ben, I’ve liked you even when I hadn’t fully realised it. After scattering my Dad’s ashes… it’s like a lightbulb went off in my head but I was dumb. I tried chasing after something… someone… else because I thought that was what I wanted. And I guess at the time it was. I’ve always imagined my life being a certain way, you know? Date the hot, popular guy, graduate valedictorian, go to Princeton, nice house and all the rest of it. I didn’t want anything to change my plan. You were never meant to be a part of it. All you were meant to be was my annoying arch nemesis.”

Ben snorted, “Thanks, Devi.”

“But driving me to the beach, giving me a chance to say a final goodbye to my Dad. You started to change parts of that plan and I guess it scared me. And then, after messing up and losing you, I realised that you were the guy that I wanted to be with.”

Devi could still feel her heart pounding in her chest. She’d thought that slowly telling Ben everything would help calm her down but instead she could feel herself getting more nervous. She had no idea how he was going to respond.

“So, I tried to talk to you. To find a way back into your life and I know I didn’t go about it the right way. Everything with Aneesa… it was because I liked you, Ben. I liked you and hated seeing you and her together.”

Ben looked a little awkward and for a moment Devi’s stomach sank. She thought she’d completely blown it. “I-uh, I kind of know that. I mean that last part, about Annesa.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t exactly subtle,” Devi laughed nervously.

Wincing, Ben didn’t look Devi in the eye, “Actually Eleanor told me…”

“What? When!?” Her voice had gone up a few octaves. Shaking her head, Dvei shut her eyes for a second. “You know what, it doesn’t matter. And eventually I guessed that it’s better to have you in my life as a friend than not at all.”

“But why did you date Paxton then?” The question had been burning on the tip of Ben’s tongue for a while now. He needed to know why, if Devi had in fact liked him, why she decided to date his polar opposite.

“I-” That was not a question Devi had been prepared for, it wasn’t one that she had completely figured out the answer to herself. But what she knew, she was willing to tell Ben.

“Paxton had been this dream for me. It was like some YA book where the nerdy, unattractive girl dates the hot jock and suddenly her life changes forever. Focusing on that, on him, it helped me deal with my dad passing away. For a few moments every day, I wasn’t thinking about him or missing him or grieving over him. It was just an escape. I’d been trying to push those feelings for you away, especially after everything with Aneesa so I’d kind of buried them. And Paxton was so sweet after everything that had happened. I was tutoring him and I got to see this completely different side of him. It worked between us… until it just didn’t. I wasn’t in the right place to be in a relationship at that point and Paxton was. We weren’t the right fit. He’s a great guy but I don’t think he's the guy for me…”

Devi had come to that conclusion a while after their break up. Paxton had been amazing to her, he still was. She was glad that they’d managed to navigate their break up and turn it into a friendship. But sometimes, dreams that you’ve had for years don’t always measure up in reality and Devi was learning to be okay with that. She felt like she’d lost time trying to chase the idea of what her life should be like.

“And what about me?” When Ben looked at her like that, eyes wide and looking directly at her, like nothing else was around them, Devi felt more exposed than she ever had in her life.

“I think you might be the right guy for me… I don’t know if those feelings are mutual though…” Every cell in her body was screaming at Devi to bolt out of the door and to just run home and hide under her blanket.

Ben reached his arm out, his hand clasping around Devi’s wrist. He gently tugged her towards him, getting her to sit next to him on the bed. Their knees bumped together and Ben refused to let go of her hand. It was tiny compared to his but filled all of the empty edges of his hand.

“Devi, are you blind?” Ben shut his eyes for a second before opening them and willing himself to gain the courage he needed. “There’s something I need to tell you but it’s probably going to make me sound like the worst person in the world.”

“I’m pretty sure I thought that about you from the age of like, 10,” Devi joked, hoping to break some of the tension in the room. Realising that Ben looked increasingly nervous, Devi apologised. “Sorry, you should carry on. I’m sure whatever it is can’t be that bad.”

“Annesa… even when I was with her I was thinking about you. I don’t know if part of me even being with her was to try and make you jealous. Just saying that… it’s bad… she didn’t deserve for me to treat her like that.” It wasn’t a period in his life that he was particularly proud of or liked to relive. “You remember the night of the winter formal?”

Devi nodded. How could she forget the night that Paxton Hall-Yoshida had hit her with a car before asking her to be his girlfriend.

“When I saw you and Paxton dancing with each other… it was like something had shattered. I thought that he was the one that you’d always wanted to be with, I just ended up being some sort of convenient back up. And Eleanor said something and I realised that I might just have messed everything up. So then I really tried to make things work with Aneesa but there was so much going on. I was an ass to her and I needed to reevaluate a lot of things in my life. When she broke up with me.. I didn’t feel completely torn apart. I felt like it was the right thing for the both of us. And then I ended up in hospital… not my finest hour…. But it made me rethink the way I was going about things. And that included you. So, when you told me about Des, I didn’t want to be jealous. I was happy for you and I wanted to see you happy but there was always this part of me that wanted you to be happy with me.”

Devi squeezed his hand and Ben looked down smiling at the way their fingers intertwined. How was it possible that a single person could make you feel a thousand different things in one moment?

“I thought I’d managed to get over you. And then hearing you say that you got offered a place at Shrubland… Devi, it’s like everything came crashing down on me and as much as I wanted you to take the place because I knew it would be good for you, I so badly wanted you to stay. I needed you to stay and I needed to finally tell you how I felt about you. I’ve spent way too long trying to tiptoe around my feelings and it is exhausting. You’re the only person that I’ve felt like I can go toe-to-toe with in an argument, The only one that pushes me to do better. That gets why I work so hard. Devi, I know we’ve argued and spent most of our time in school being rivals but you’re the only person who’s ever really gotten me and who I am. So, Devi, you don’t need to question how I feel about you because I don’t think I could see myself with anyone else. I’ve been waiting for you for months. And I would wait another couple of decades if it meant having a chance with you.”

Neither of the teens were well-versed in being vulnerable. Especially with each other. This felt like a monumental moment for them both. To finally face up to their feelings. Acknowledging the mistakes that they’d made along the way and learning from them. Sure, they were both still a little scared of their feelings and being this open didn't come naturally to them. They’d realised, however, that there was no weakness in telling those around you your true feelings. That there was way more to lose from being quiet than there was by being honest.

Devi felt her mouth go dry. “Well… that kind of blew my little speech out of the water…”

“Nah, I think we both win here.”

“And what brought you to that conclusion.”

Ben took his free hand and gently cupped Devi’s face, “I think we both ended up with the answers that we wanted, don’t you?”

Instead of replying to him, Devi leaned in for a kiss. She wondered if her heart would ever stop beating so fast when she kissed Ben. She wouldn’t complain if it didn’t though.

“So, how are we doing this?” Devi asked.

She may have managed to overhaul a lot of things in her life but being a chronic overthinker was something that was probably always going to stick with her.

“Well, I think a good place to start is asking you to be my girlfriend…”

It wouldn’t have been possible for Devi to smile any wider. Throwing her arms around his neck, Devi buried her head in his shoulder.

Does he shower with tea tree and grapefruit? Ugh, he smells so good.

Devi could have inhaled his scent all day but she could feel Ben vibrating from laughter. “Is that a yes then?”

When she finally pulled back, she saw mirth in Ben’s eyes and a smile so wide that it rivalled hers.

“Of course it’s a yes. I would love to be your girlfriend, Ben Gross. But could we maybe take the rest of this slow?” Devi bit her lip, hoping that Ben wouldn’t think she was lame for not wanting to jump straight into things.

Ben kissed the back of her hand, giving her a gentle smile that made everything inside Devi melt. “That sounds perfect to me, how about we start with a date?

#nhie #never have i ever #benvi #benvi fanfiction #ben gross #devi vishwakumar #nhie spoilers #excuse me whilst i rearrange the alphabet

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the-sinful-voice-witch · 2 years

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My appreciation of Sonic IDW comics villains part 2:

I've been wanting to talk about them because they're just too good and I wish they along Starline had their own game:

Surge the Tenrec and Kitsunami the Fennec:

This time unlike the other villains i mentioned this 2 weren't evil from the beginning, they were made to be villains nemesis of Sonic and Tails by the hand of Dr Starline and even if I'm going to miss him a lot these traumatized kids certainly won't.

First things, what i love the most is the imposing presence they have despite not being evil by nature, clearly Starline carved them to be scary and powerful, just look how sadistic they look👇👇👇

Well Kit looks scary creepy most of the time but is less evil than Surge and was made to adore her and serve her and the way the poor thing gets anxious when he is separated from her despite how mean she is to him... That psychological disaster Starline did to him is heartbreaking because he shows his vulnerable adorable baby face 😢😢

He was pretty easy to manage compared to Surge because he is more rational than her and he only wants to serve and be useful to someone because is the only thing he knows, so brainwashed he was ready to kill for it... But because he is the least villain of all them, let's talk about the good juice here... Surge.

Aww she wasn't always an abusive jerk to him... 😅😅😅

Ok ok I'm ok OMG this green gal is my favorite villain dethroning Starline!!!! There so much to say about her i don't know where to start!!

I suppose i have to remark how much i love she was made to be a nemesis of Sonic like Shadow and Metal and that they chose to make her a GIRL! I've only seen a good female character who could fight on this level with Sonic and that is Blaze the cat and she was not a villain neither an antagonist, she was a rival less antagonistic than Rouge in her rivalry with Knuckles so and in Archie comics... There were some bad girls like Fiona and Lien da but... Their design didn't feel like Sonic characters and also they aren't on Blaze level of fighting when it comes to fight seriously with Sonic but Surge is! She can have a perfect bare fists fight with him:

Her design is also a delight! Made to be a intimidating punk girl, scary with that pointy teeth but still pretty! She is far better than scourge and of course has a better story in my opinion.

Little times i see a girl this brute and strong but not particularly smart, normally tomboyish female characters don't behave like dumb bullies aside anime characters and usually they aren't the biggest threat but they are merely bullies. Surge is that type of character and has this kind of "silly smartass of the class" behavior. Making faces and saying lines to look cool

Like really she can be really Goofy 🤪 😂😂

But more important as i was saying is weird to me to see a female characters with this traits and I love it, as for Sonic nemesis she obviously is more like Metal than Shadow in a way that... She doesn't look redeemable... Even though she has a tragic background like Shadow.

The interesting thing about her is that even after she finds out that her hatred towards sonic was set on her head artificially by Starline she ends up growing a genuine hate and resentment towards him because she decided he is responsible of her fate and wants him to pay for it:

Just look how imposing and intimidating is her... And tragically how sonic is unimpressed with her... 😂😂

She is a brilliantly made villain worth to be Starline successor even if unlike him she wasn't evil from the beginning, i can't wait to see her backstory before Starline

I just hope she doesn't end with the same fate as him in her descend into the madness

#surge the tenrec #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sonic idw #kit the fennec #idw comics #idw sonic

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bthump · 1 year

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I just found your apostle Casca theory and Im absolutely obsessed I really hope it happens now. What kind of role do you think she'd have after she's turned? Would she still be an uneasy ally to Guts's group or would she become an enemy? How much would sacrificing Moonlight Boy impact her?

Thank you, glad you're into it!

What I was theorizing is that her role would've been a secondary antagonist to Guts, someone who wants to kill Griffith herself, and who sort of makes Guts realize that his feelings about revenge are more complicated and not straightfoward. He wants to kill Griffith himself, but is there more to him not wanting Casca to kill him? It would also be a good embodiment of revenge as self-destruction, as Casca takes up the revenge mantle while Guts waffles about it. Plus you could get a good scene where Casca swoops in for a kill and Guts is the one to stop her.

Of course that was if Casca went apostle on Elfhelm. If it happens now it would probably be at the climax, and tbh I'm not sure what purpose that could serve plot-wise, beyond calling up the Godhand to set the stage for a confrontation of sorts, and vengeful apostle Casca maybe killing Griff at a vulnerable moment (eg after he kills Guts), or being a timely distraction, or getting killed to piss Guts off lol.

Oh plus I was thinking Casca would hate Guts too under these circumstances, remembering how he treated her, how he ditched her to pursue Griffith, etc. At the very least he'd still be an object of fear and resentment. So they could clash directly too. I'm also very into the idea of Guts killing Griffith, and then Casca killing Guts, a la the wolves when he was a kid, eg.

Thematically it could still work as a dark counterpoint to Guts potentially, and I dig the idea of Casca living on as a new Zodd the Immortal esque figure - the theory that she's named after a fantasy book about the dude who stabbed Jesus on the cross and was then cursed to roam the earth as an immortal definitely intrigues me there lol, even if it is just coincidence, or irrelevant to Miura taking name inspiration.

I don't think much focus would be on her mentality, but like all apostles sacrificing Moonbaby would make her darker and more fucked up and monstrous. Considering some of the gender essentialism that goes into her character, maybe she'd go full ruthless obsessive bloodlusty type, as Miura seems to associate her softening to her femininity, and sacrificing a baby would probably get rid of that according to that kind of logic lol.

#ftr he apparently named several characters after pulp fantasy books so Casca's name origin isn't a super farfetched theory #ask #anonymous #a #b #character: casca #theme: speculation #theme: revenge #theme: ending

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shina913 · 2 years

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Okay so these two scene for Tae and Haru…when I first read them I thought he was just being cyclical about marriage as a whole, but now that we know 😬 awwwwwkward but also what a shitty ass friend and he knows it. Some part of me feels bad about the irony of his little tirade that night at the bar leading Tae to finally go after Jennie…but it’s fleeting 😒😂.

Yeha what was he thinking??? Was he honestly trying to test Tae or something??? To sabotage the wedding??? 😐

Like???

I wonder how many times reader replayed these two convos in her head after 😬🥲 like now that we know it’s SO OBVIOUS 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Okay and lastly… I know both of them are in the wrong, like he was taken, she knew that and things still happened but I just don’t hate her as much 🤷🏽‍♀️. Maybe because it feels like she actually feels sorry about it and he doesn’t. She stayed and I’m willing to bet she will fight for their trust back. Haru left (about time 😒) and I highly doubt we will see him again. (Also some part of me can believe that he took advantage of her, I can’t remember how much detail you went into about that night but I know there was alcohol involved and vulnerable feelings and stuff and idk I just don’t trust the guy)

Tae and Haru @ bachelor party: So…bit of background here and I wasn’t sure if it translated well. When Tae flashes back to that night when Haru dragged him out to go drinking, this was about the time that Haru confessed to Jennie that he may be/is in love with her…but she shut him down—which she’s said repeatedly during that conversation that JK caught.

She’d been pining for Tae this whole time and TBH, she could have just taken matters into her own hands and asked him out. But I didn’t go into all that. This story is about OC and JK. Anyway, this is also about the same night (or after Tae sobers up), that he realizes that he loves Jennie. They get together and they’re happy and in love and Jennie tries to bury everything. OC moved away, she’s with Tae. Also, she didn’t directly wrong Tae. She didn’t cheat on him—there wasn’t even any overlap. But by her assuming that Tae would leave her because of this secret, it makes her look bad. In the end, I wanted her to be able to redeem herself, too. Often, I hate reading or watching female ‘antagonists’ being portrayed as just being bad without any sort of underlying motivation. Also, I do not like bad guys—who weren’t really bad to begin with—not have a redemption arc? Jennie felt bad and guilt ate at her. She’s trying to make it right with OC—whom she actually hurt. I could also argue that all the vitriol directed at Jennie is not completely deserved. She’s showing remorse and is trying to make it right. Also, Tae called off the wedding so, it’s not like she’s getting away with it completely unscathed. I feel like that's punishment enough for her indiscretion.

And that drunken speech by Tae—I wanted to show that despite not getting the girl, Haru still had his friend so, at some point, he’s sort of made peace with it and even helped Tae propose? But as the wedding drew closer, Haru thought he’d try again. Maybe it’s the fact that OC is happy with JK? Also there’s some male ego/insecurity there. How come OC gets to be happy and I’m stuck in the sidelines just watching everyone else be happy? It’s selfish.

Also, after typing this all up, I’m thinking that Haru isn’t actually in love with Jennie? Maybe he was in love with the idea of her? I feel like, sometimes, when you’ve been around someone for so long in a platonic way, you’re suddenly ‘fascinated’ by them in a non-platonic way? It doesn’t matter now, though because Haru didn’t get the girl, lost his best friend, and got his ass beat so…

#shina asks #mikayla #miksancheese #coquet x jjk reblog

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obstinaterixatrix · 8 months

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it’s so hot I can’t sleep but I’m lying down and don’t want to get the fan… well anyway I’m gonna type out my writing choices

didn’t specifically set out to set this in weird ambiguous awkward relationship stage but it makes sense because I love writing pre-relationship

also I couldn’t figure out enough of a conflict I could write about in a stage of a relationship where they knew & were more comfortable with each other

I consider it stretching characterization a bit but I’m giving myself a pass because they didn’t really talk much and then got dumped into baratie/arlong park which means after arlong is the only time they’d get to know each other crew-to-crew without some ongoing crisis

In some ways sanji and usopp are, to each other, the most normalguy of the east blue crew. well, I think usopp would consider nami in the normalguy camp but sanji definitely wouldn’t, so usopp’s the most normalguy to sanji and sanji’s hovering at second most normalguy to usopp, depending on context. so they both have a hard time getting a read on each other in the one-on-one normalguy context lol.

An interesting parallel is that, compared to the others, leaving home is a lot more fresh to sanji and usopp (arguably nami but It’s Complicated there). I like to think that sanji feels more at home in a bustling kitchen with a lot of cooks than as the only cook. the antagonistic camaraderie of it all.

What I was kind of going for was both of them kinda subconsciously going through ‘oh jeez how normalguy do I have to be with this normalguy’ so usopp isnt chatty and Sanji isn’t rude. A bit of awkward tryhard vibe. so when sanji gives a bit in terms of ‘I’m trying to be nice’, usopp’s able to be himself more fully (both in terms of tall tales and in terms of saying something True And Vulnerable). sanji’s receptive but is still holding back a bit, not being more thoughtless/rudeass. The fact that he’s not comfortable ribbing usopp or calling him out or heckling his cooking yet means he hasn’t matched usopp but it’s moving in that direction now that they’ve got the awkward stuff out if the way.

#orlbs #oplb #writing ramble #speaking of heckling I’m gonna make sister give me notes before posting this on ao3

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turtleflurple · 4 years

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My headcanon of Donnie and Leo’s relationship when growing up together

Okay, so when thinking about the boys being a little younger, I can’t help but imagine Leo taking on a bit of a more antagonistic role in the family when growing up. Not that they’re not close as brothers, but I do find myself thinking that Leo could have been a bit more of a bully when younger.

Leo can be a bit of a jerk towards his brothers in the series, and especially looking at his behavior in Lair Games and Air Turtle, he kind of has the bad habit of lording his own superiority over his brothers and milking his winning for all it’s worth. We also know that Leo being a poor winner is a very old and known behavior. Leo is also very focused on being better than other people (going with how small social circle was before the show, this probably mostly meant his brothers when growing up), and while he’s very sure of himself he also has bouts of severe insecurity where he’s very desperate for reaffirmation.

Where as with Donnie, I find his behavior currently fits very well with a very sensitive child being picked on a lot when younger and over time hardening more into this “emotionally unavailable bad boy”. To me Donatello is always a very emotional individual, only he has trouble connecting and explaining himself to other people especially because he’s so intellectually gifted. I can see Donnie in Rise being a bit of a crybaby and pushover when he was younger, something that I see keen eyed Leonardo focusing in on and exploiting. This would create a relationship were Leo would rile Donnie up a lot since Donnie would be such an easy target and always guarantee a reaction.

Kids just kinda tend to be mean to one another sometimes, especially they get bored and/or want attention. Just look at the dynamic between Mikey and Raph in the 2003 series. Mikey picks on Raph constantly, because it’s easy and it gets a reaction. If Raph wouldn’t react to Mikey constantly goading him on, Mikey would probably find something else to entertain himself with and leave Raph alone for the most part. But Raph can’t really keep a lid on it since he has a very explosive temper and gets swept up easily in his emotions. But yeah, I can see how in Rise this dynamic growing up could have shifted more to have been between Leo and Donnie. But instead of growing angry like Raph, Donnie instead would mostly just get very emotional in general.

I think that as a sensitive kid, regularly being picked on would turn that up to eleven, thus making Donnie hypersensitive. You know the kind I’m talking about, the kinda kid that’s so easily triggered by any perceived hostile behavior that they tear up over the smallest of things and constantly run over to their caretaker for comfort, a type of behavior that tends to grow a bit tiring after a while. Since it’s obvious that the person Donnie would run to most of the time would be Splinter, I think Splinter would in turn grow to be a bit desensitized by Donnie’s tears and claims of teasing, maybe even get exasperated from time to time. Here you have four very rowdy children that you have to run after constantly to make sure they don’t end up killing themselves and/or each other, and one of them keeps crying out that the others are being mean to him. I would understand if you would just get a bit done with it all after a while.

So in this situation Splinter would mostly apprehend Leo for picking on his brothers in the beginning, and especially for picking on Donnie, but after a while would also more turn to Donnie and tell him to deal with the issue himself instead of always running to Splinter to hide behind. Not in a mean way, but more in an “I can’t be the one to keep solving all your problems, Purple” kinda way. But I think this would send the wrong message to Donnie and he will instead interpret Splinter’s words more as a command not to bother him anymore with his issues. As a result he will act more emotionally distant towards his father after I think, and tough it out more when he’s overwhelmed and/or feeling vulnerable, maybe even isolate himself more.

With Leo and Donnie I think it first grew a lot worse before it got better again. I think focusing in on Donnie and picking on him a lot grew into a bit of a habit for Leo, as it was funny to him since it always garnered a reaction. Donnie would grow increasingly upset, much to Leo’s delight, until the day that Donnie wouldn’t take it anymore and snap. He’d attack, cuss out or accuse Leo of being a bully, and Leo would be so taken off guard by the accusation that he wouldn’t know what to say or do. Leo wouldn’t see himself as a bully, even tho I think he would have kinda been one over that span of time, and this conflicting image of himself would shock him so much that he would be forced to reflect on his behavior and his relationship with his brothers, with the focus laying mostly on Donnie. I think that after this altercation Leo would have gone to Donnie and apologize but deny being a bit of a bully while still validating his feelings to a certain extend and promising to stop teasing him so much. Donnie would accept the apology, but the damage would already be done. Donnie would be a lot more emotionally closed off, since until that day it kind of taught him that those many emotions of his can and will be used against him. He would have become more aggressive and guarded, but over time mellow out more into the more familiar teenage Donnie we all know and love with his dry humor, sarcastic snark and anti-social tendencies.

I think that this would have played out when Leo and Donnie were between the ages of 7 to 10, and when they both grow older they will actually realize what had happened and heal. Leo will apologize for real, and Donnie would have already forgiven him. I think Leo would never have meant any harm, he had just been bored and Donnie was just sure to be entertainment. Donnie didn’t know how to handle himself back then and I’m sure that in between Leo picking on him he was nasty back as well (since I do believe Donnie can be a bit vindictive if he wants to). They were both younger, and when you’re a kid it’s difficult to think of others and the consequences of your actions.

But yeah! That’s what I think Donnie and Leo’s relationship tended to be like when they were a bit younger! And it’s not the case that in between the ribbing they didn’t also play around with each other, would tussle and take comfort in one another. But you know what I mean when you have siblings. It’s very easy to simultaneously dislike and love them, forgive and forget when you’re having fun, and honestly, there never were any mal-intentions. Just kids figuring out how to better take care of each other.

#rottmnt #donatello #leonardo #turtle tots #splinter #tmnt #headcanon time #my art #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt 2018 #tmnt 2k18 #teenage mutant ninja turtles

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the-redeemed-anon · 3 years

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Welp, since we got Wilbur back, let’s take a look at Eight

As a disclaimer, I’ll talk about the character, and if I mention the CC, I will label his name accordingly.

Okay, since the pog thing that happened on the 29th of April, and a couple of bad takes have already started to pop up Jesus Christ guys why do you want the dude that just got back to life after being trapped in limbo for over a decade to get beaten up violently- I think it’s appropriate to bring attention to the thing that gave me my pseudonym and my belief that we may get a redemption/healing arc for Wilbur: the song Eight, by Sleeping at Last.

Why this song matters, you may wonder. Well, it’s a song that we have confirmation to have been CC!Wilbur’s personal inspiration for his character, as said by CC!Wilbur himself. Not only does that give us insight into how and why Wilbur acted in certain ways in Season 1, but it also gives us the opportunity to see the inner turmoil he went through and still will.

Now keep in mind that this is just my interpretation of the song, other people may see the song differently, but overall looking at this song and looking for meaning into it I think is very useful if you plan to analyse Wilbur or even write about him. It truly gives you a lot of insight and context for how he was. Here is a link to it for you to listen to it, before I dive into the analysis.

First, let’s see what Eight is about, as a song. The song is about Type Eight of the Enneagram of Personality, which is basically a system that defines 9 different personality types. Sleeping at Last made a song for each Enneagram, actually, but we’re here to talk about Type 8 (also bear in mind I am not an expert in psychology, so I am not here to comment on the validity of this system. I’m here just to analyze a song lol).

What is Type 8 (aka a bit of analysis on Wilbur outside of the song)

Type 8 is often called the Challenger or the Protector. This type is characterized by a want to not show vulnerability, to have power. Their deepest fear is to not be in control of themselves, to be harmed, to be vulnerable, and their desire is to be in control of themselves, their life/destiny. They want respect over status, value loyalty and they want to make an impact on the world. You can start to see some core characteristics of Wilbur in this description.

We also have levels, from healthy to unhealthy, with which we can see what a Type 8 person can behave like.

Healthy Type 8 people act like a protector for others, they are the strong leaders, the challengers of oppression, the people who don’t stand for injustice in their communities. You can say they are the natural leader type, and I think you can start to see inklings of Wilbur’s personality from early Season 1 here. He started L’Manberg to challenge what he saw as tyranny. When Wilbur described the reasons he cared about L’Manberg, we can also notice that the values he lists align with the core desires of a Type 8: the desire to have control over their life, and not allow others to control them. By making L’Manberg to “stick it to the man“, Wilbur is very stereotypically a Type 8.

Average Type 8 people aren’t as open as someone on the healthy level is. Showing weakness is unacceptable. They may see relationships as the next challenge they need to surpass, and can come easily off as intimidating and ambitious to peers. To me, this sounds a bit like Wilbur after the War, before the announcement of the Festival. He was more closed off around that time, and you could argue that the Elections were a part of his ambition to prove that people respect him, that he can do this, rule a country. The new revelation that Wilbur was lying in his letters to Phil, about the Elections and the formation of Pogtopia also shows that he didn’t want to show weakness, to disappoint or worry his father.

Unhealthy Type 8 people become so closed off that they are intimidating and can appear tyrannical from the outside, often disregarding the feelings of others. They pursue power, and when someone stands in their way, they are cold and become quite antagonistic. They may issue empty threats in their pursuit for power, and their already existing relationships are turned into tests, where the only option is to pass or to fail, with no in-between. This can result in them being abandoned, and them accepting this as being better this way, to be alone. They can force themselves into loneliness.

If this sounds terribly familiar and recent, well... Wilbur, ever since the “Then let’s be the bad guys“ speech, has exhibited the traits of an unhealthy Type 8. Even now, post-resurrection, while he is trying to improve on himself, a lot of his traits remain or have worsened, due to staying in limbo for 13 years. He still has a persona under which he hides his issues, and as I have said in another post, he’s the emotional equivalent of a snail, you poke him gently and he completely retreats in his shell. Wilbur has actively driven people away from him for being so confrontational, and this can be seen again with Ranboo. All in all, Wilbur is definitely cozy in that section of the Type for now.

I also want to talk separately about three things:

1. The Pit

I won’t lie, the Pit is probably the most extreme thing Wilbur did to this date. It’s Wilbur at his lowest point morally and mentally, reveling in his brother figure fighting a much tougher opponent and losing. I won’t sit here and say he was right, nor am I gonna condemn you for your opinion on the Pit, but, when you look at Wilbur’s enneagram, the Pit and why it happened makes sense. What happened right before? The Festival. The Festival was meant to be the time Wilbur either blew up Manberg or left it be, based on Tubbo’s call. Wilbur prepared for those two scenarios, and felt in control of the situation... then it all went horribly wrong. The situation spiraled wildly out of Wilbur’s grasp and it ended with the death of Tubbo and the possibility of Techno being on Schlatt’s side.

This started a breakdown fueled by paranoia that led to the Pit, to Wilbur goading Techno and Tommy to fight. The question is, why? Why do that?

To regain control. Wilbur, in my opinion, did that in an attempt to regain control, after the Festival slipped so hard from his grasp, no matter his effort to keep control of it. That was his urge, that was his need in the moment, no matter how messed up it was, he may have felt like this was necessary. Remember, the core fear of Eights is to not be in control of their own life and destiny, to be puppeteered by someone else. This is why the Pit happened, when you acknowledge the fact that Wilbur was unstable mentally, and he is the type of person to want control.

2. The want to protect others

This is a quality of healthy Eights that still shines through with Wilbur, but it’s sadly overshadowed by his more antagonistic or morally darker actions and quotes.

Wilbur was naturally a protective person. Because Eights challenge authority, this makes them see the world as being inhabited by those who are strong and those who are weak, and not in a bad way. Eights consider themselves part of the strong ones, because they stand up for themselves, but because they see the world also inhabited by the weak, they have the urge to protect them. They also stand up for whom they think can’t stand up for themselves on their own, they think they are responsible for the protection of others.

And when you look at Wilbur, this shines through. He made himself President, and while no one protested, he did it because he felt he was the one fit for the role. Even at the time this scene happened, you can see why Wilbur would have perceived Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy as weaker than him: Fundy was his son, and Tommy and Tubbo, no matter the age intended at the time, were always viewed as younger than him, not to say, Tommy had just lost 2 lives back-to-back. Therefore, Wilbur put himself in charge and with the duty to protect the nation and its people, as the President.

Wilbur even says this in the flashback from Quackity’s stream:

[“What has made you do everything you’ve done up to this point?” (Quackity)

“That’s a- That’s a big question. Um. I guess it’s just protection for my people. I mean, I- I- I just want to see them thrive, and I want to see them safe.” (Alivebur) - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:03:02, 12th Apr)]

It’s clear, Wilbur has a desire to protect his nation, and, by extension, his people, his friends, especially with the following quote once Quackity replies: [“Your aspirations of optimism are not going to be subject to my nation’s security I’m afraid. I- I completely disagree with everything you’ve said.” - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:05:18, 12th Apr)] He keeps hammering in the idea that he did what he did to protect and offer safety to his friends. That’s why he needed power: [“If you want to really help people, you’re gonna need power, Quackity.” - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:05:42, 12th Apr)]

And again, this happens even after the “Then let’s be the bad guys“ speech. Even though he initially says he wants to kill everyone at the Festival, when confronted with this on the day of the event, he second-guesses himself. He doesn’t want to hurt his friends, he doesn’t want to hurt people weaker than him. He distrusts Tubbo, but the moment Techno fires the first rocket, he’s shocked, appalled and moves to go to the button, while urging Tommy to act. When Schlatt wants to kill Niki, he steps out and offers himself to be killed and no one else be harmed.

Even the act of pushing the button himself, there are Wilbur analysts who have pointed out that Wilbur may have wanted to be stopped. And even then, the explosion created no casualties, thanks to all of them wearing armor.

In the Void, Wilbur talks about how he’s evil, how the server is better off without him. He recognizes himself as a hazard, and while that is a part of his self-loathing and hatred, you can also see his care for others shine through: he didn’t want to come back at the time, because he thought he would bring back conflict, suffering [“Here’s the thing, I genuinely think, if it weren’t for me and you dying right, the server would be in shambles. I know for a fact that if I come back, or if I’m brought back to life in some way it’s definitely gonna just go [shit again]” “I know what I’m like, that’s the issue.” - (Tommy’s am i dead?: 10:29, 4th March)]. By staying dead, at this point, he was continuing to prevent weaker people from being harmed.

Even now, post-resurrection, we can see this, but, well...

3. Opinion on Dream

I have looked at this before, from the angle of Wilbur’s mentality. We all know his opinion on Dream so far, that he would have killed him on the spot for what happened to Tommy in the Exile, but Wilbur still considers him his hero. While I said at the time that it may be a subtle way for Wilbur to cloak his self-loathing and self-hatred, but now I want to look at the first part again, from the perspective of Type 8:

Wilbur, by having the urge to kill Dream on the spot, for what he did to Tommy in Exile (and, keep in mind, Ghostbur wasn’t there for all of it, so Wilbur did not see the destruction of Logsted and why it happened, or how Tommy was completely isolated from everyone after the party, and Tommy referred to Dream as his owner to Mexican Dream), no matter what he says after about Dream, proves that he still has the quality to want to protect the weak.

Dream, as always, is one of the strong people of the server. He’s the owner, he has a lot of items and good gear, and in general, everyone recognizes him with a level of danger he presents, and power. Tommy, on the other hand, is one of the weaker ones.

While Tommy has valuable traits, like his loyalty, his fierce determination and the will to keep moving despite how low life kicks him at times, one can’t deny that, in general, Tommy is viewed as one of the weak. He doesn’t have that many powerful items, he isn’t physically that strong, people constantly pick on him, and he is one of the minors of the server, the youngest of them, in fact. Add to that the humiliation of Exile and the treatment he was put through, Tommy was not only at his weakest then, but also at his most vulnerable.

Why would it be a surprise then for Wilbur to want to gut Dream, considering the above? Tommy and Wilbur were very close. As Wilbur acknowledged in the latest stream: [“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)], they were once so close they could have been brothers. Tommy stuck with Wilbur as a right hand man, he was the only one who didn’t give up on him in Pogtopia, no matter if he thought his choices were right or wrong, and Wilbur confided in Tommy a lot. Now take this little brother figure he had in Tommy, and put him through Exile.

Of course Wilbur would want to gut Dream, Tommy may as well be part of his family, and Wilbur doesn’t strike me as the kind to want his loved ones in pain, genuinely. He may dismiss the feelings Tommy has sometimes, but his reaction to Exile shows that he isn’t blind to suffering. He saw it and recognized as harmful and damaging to Tommy, unprompted by anyone else.

He even makes a comment that I think may be important in the future: [“Tommy, I’m not, I’m not- I wasn’t blind, I saw what he was doing to you, Tommy. I saw. I saw what he was doing to Tubbo. I saw what he did to me.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 21:08, 5th May)]. Remember, Wilbur right now is deeply conflicted, I don’t think he’s properly sorted his feelings on Dream yet. He, in this quote, recognizes he saw how Dream treated Tommy, Tubbo and himself. While Eights want to protect the weak, their core fear is being controlled or harmed by others. I am very curious what will happen if, or, when, Wilbur will decide that Dream is also a hazard to himself, or if Dream will try to use Wilbur for his own plans. But, this is starting to deviate from the purpose of this post so, with that out of the way...

The lyrics:

I remember the minute It was like a switch was flipped I was just a kid who grew up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit

Here, Wilbur’s arc and story begins. The lyric recount the moment Wilbur’s spiral began: the Final Control Room. He remembers that betrayal up to his death, still calling Eret a traitor and quoting him, with the same quote he used: “It was never meant to be”. This moment is what will define and shape Wilbur throughout Season 1, and even now. The switch mentioned is the button pressed, the moment everything changed. “I was just a kid” is Wilbur recognizing that he was not ready for the role of President, sentiment reflected by the rest of the lyrics: “who grew up strong enough/To pick this armor up”. Wilbur forced himself to bear the title of president, like a suit of armor, something that protects you, and helps you to fight for others, until “suddenly it fit”.

God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago I was little, I was weak and perfectly naive And I grew up too quick

Here Wilbur internally recognizes that time passed, his ideology changed, as evident the quotes from Quackity’s stream: [“You say, you say everyone has a good side, Quackity. And you’re right, you’re right, everyone has a good side, but that good side is only there to help themselves. If you want to really help people, you’re gonna need power, Quackity. You can make a movement, you can make a resistance, right, you can go out and you can come back, and they’ll give you a ticker tape parade. They’ll cheer for you in the streets, but you will change nothing. If you have a revolution, everyone will hate you, you will sacrifice everything, and you will lose everything you’ve ever had, but you’ll come back and everything will be changed. And Quackity, if you want to change things, you’re gonna need power. That’s what you want, really, isn’t it? Look at me. And power isn’t gaining from diplomacy, and bureaucracy, and giant courthouses suspended in the sky, blah blah blah. It’s gained from swords, Quackity. It’s gained from blades, it’s gained from steel, iron. Even if everyone has this good side that you’re talking about, then anyone who wants to prove it, has to show their dark side first. You’re going to have to kill, you’re going to have to torture, you’re going to have to maim.” - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:06:34, 12th Apr)]. Yet, even if this happened so “long ago, long ago, long ago”, he “grew up too quick”, because the change was too sudden, and it didn’t occur naturally.

Now you won't see all that I have to lose And all I've lost in the fight to protect it I won't let you in, I swore never again I can't afford, no, I refuse to be rejected

I think this verse refers to the Election and its fallout. He quite literally loses a lot on that day, not only his country and his second life, but seemingly, his son, because Fundy takes down the walls. Wilbur also lost a lot in the Independence War, as he lost his first life in there, his son and allies lost their lives too, and this created the perfect environment for paranoia around trust to form. Wilbur, at this point, swears to not let himself be vulnerable with anyone again, or to fully trust people, because of what happened in the Final Control Room and at the Elections. The last line is Wilbur deciding to go ahead and start Pogtopia, to reclaim his nation. As you may remember, the Election was held so that Wilbur could legitimize his presidency, because he felt people started to not listen to him anymore, and an election, in his mind, would have fixed that. Due to his paranoia, and depression, Wilbur couldn’t afford to lose, because the presidency was one of the things that gave him happiness and helped him function. Once he lost and was banished, he decided to strike back and take back the country, or, as the lyrics say, “I refuse to be rejected”.

I want to break these bones 'til they're better I want to break them right and feel alive You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong My healing needed more than time

People who’ve broken a bone before may be familiar with this, but there is a possibility for a broken bone to heal incorrectly, so, when that happens, the bone is broken again and you try again. What that lyric means is that Wilbur was not healing properly, and he was constantly damaging himself again, to restart the process, to make his bones stronger, to make himself better. The “feel alive“ part, in my opinion, goes hand in hand with the fact that Wilbur was... not in the best place mentally in that time. We all know how he died, and, to be honest, a lot of the morally bad things Wilbur did could be argued to have been done to give him something to live, be it thrill or satisfaction. The last two lyrics, I feel, are directed to Tommy; Wilbur needed more than just time to “come back around“, and we know how Season 1 ended.

Now, this may be a controversial take, but... This is the end of Wilbur’s Season 1 arc. I think this is as far as Wilbur’s parallel to Eight went in Season 1, it’s the Pogtopia Era, up to November 16th. You may say that it’s his unfinished son- *gunshots*

Okay, okay, but what does that mean for the rest of the song? Well... It could be that either CC!Wilbur will stop with the Eight parallels here, or, the version I like, it means that the rest of the song is a hint for insight into how Wilbur feels and how his character will change in the future.

When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things I see the familiar I was little, I was weak, I was perfect, too Now I'm a broken mirror

This is Wilbur recognizing that he is not okay, internally, which we know is a thing in canon, because of this quote from the Resurrection stream: [”Are you trying to- Are you trying to make me- Tommy, are you trying to make me- You remember that time in the cave? Are you trying- Are you trying do- Are you trying to make me feel like I did back then, in Pogtopia? Are you trying to- Are you trying to make me feel as bad as I did back then? ‘Cause it’s not gonna work!” - (Tommy’s Breaking Into Prison To Kill Dream: 59:06, 29th Apr)] It’s a great step for Wilbur, afterall, healing starts when you recognize you have a problem, so you can begin fixing it, but, as we know...

But I can't let you see all that I have to lose All I've lost in the fight to protect it I can't let you in, I swore never again I can't afford to let myself be blindsided

Wilbur is the emotional equivalent of a snail. Here we see “Snailbur” doing a reprise of the third paragraph, which I linked to him in the Election Era and its fallout. From the way the lyrics are worded, we can see the how similar they are, but there is a difference: reluctance. Wilbur knows he’s not okay, but he can’t reach out for help, because then, he’ll be showing weakness, but he wants to open up. “Now” becomes “but”, “I won’t let you in” becomes “I can’t let you in”. Now he’s not afraid of rejection, he doesn’t want to be blindsided, which I didn’t know at first what it meant, because my native language is not English, but when I looked it up I came across this definition: “to surprise someone, usually with harmful results”. This shows us something important: Wilbur is hiding his true feelings because he’s afraid to not be hurt again. He doesn’t want another Final Control Room or Election to happen to him.

I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart And all I want is to trust you Show me how to lay my sword down For long enough to let you through

This set confirms it, Wilbur is on the defense now, he’s defending from potential hurt, and the second part of the first lyric is hinting at what a lot of Wilbur analysts have pointed out and we are prepping for: Wilbur having a big crash from the high he’s experiencing from getting resurrected, he’ll be “falling apart“, he’ll be vulnerable, and open to hurt, or... Redemption. This is it. This is the section that made me insist and theorize about a redemption/healing arc: that second lyric, continuing with the rest: Wilbur is reaching out to someone or some people, that he can put his trust to. Wilbur doesn’t just need someone willing to redeem him, because we had that in Pogtopia, with Tommy, no, Wilbur also needs himself to open up, trust people and ask for help. And that is exactly what happens in the last two lyrics: Wilbur is asking for help to open up and let people help him.

Here I am, pry me open What do you want to know? I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough To hold the door shut And bury my innocence But here's a map, here's a shovel Here's my Achilles' heel

And here we have it. Wilbur opening up. Wilbur finally letting someone in, admitting he’s scared, he’s scared of hurting again, comparing himself to a kid. This one I find very symbolic, because if he, at the beginning, was a kid, then by admitting he is a kid at this stage, he’s the same person he was at the beginning, with the good he had, with the flaws he had, what he did and the trauma he gained will never erase that. The innocence in this part of the song, I think is Ghostbur. People forget, but while Ghostbur seems to be a separate entity, he’s still very much a version of Wilbur. He has a lot of his memories, his happy ones. Wilbur and Ghostbur are the two sides of the same coin, different, yet so much alike. You need both to understand the other. Wilbur has the capacity to be innocent, to be kind, good, he just... buried these qualities, and someone has to help him dig them up, when he is ready to open up. I don’t think I need to explain the meaning of someone showing you their Achilles’ heel, beside the fact that it means they trust you with their life. Wilbur needs to find someone to trust.

I'm all in, palms out I'm at your mercy now and I'm ready to begin I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough to let you in

Here, I think we see Wilbur accepting the consequences of his actions, of the hurt he caused, because, while he’s not irredeemable, he did hurt people, and he needs to be open to them not forgiving them, but, as the song says, just then he’ll be “ready to begin” his healing and redemption. And right at the end there, “I am strong” is repeated thrice, he’s ready to heal, to be vulnerable with someone. It’s the redemption in full swing from here to the end.

I'ma shake the ground with all my might And I will pull my whole heart up to the surface For the innocent, for the vulnerable And I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose

Remember what I said, about healthy Eights? Champions of the people, natural leaders, challengers of oppression and protectors of the weak? This is what Wilbur should become at the end of the redemption, if we are to follow the song. He’s gonna put all of his strength into fighting for what’s right, and he’ll open up, he will heal. We’ll be back to fighting for “the innocent, for the vulnerable”, he’ll have a purpose to fulfill. L’Manberg was deeply tied to both Wilbur and Ghostbur, and Wilbur himself admitted to caring about L’Manberg because what it stood for. Now, L’Manberg is gone, but those ideals aren’t. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll fight in the future to protect those ideals.

And, finally:

And I'll give all I have, I'll give my blood, give my sweat An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again Invincible like I've never been

I really like the end here. Because, it’s not only reinforcing the idea that Wilbur will be redeemed, but that penultimate lyric always stood out for me: “I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again”. Porcelain is, while very fragile, a beautiful material. When I think of the word, I think of beautiful vases, handcrafted with skill and care. It’s a shame when a porcelain vase breaks. But, just because something is broken, it doesn’t mean it can’t be repaired. And when I think of repaired porcelain, I think of the Japanese art of kintsugi - a technique with which broken pottery is glued in such a way that the cracks aren’t hidden, but celebrated as a part of the object’s history, by filling them in with gold. I like to think that at the end of his healing arc, Wilbur will be similar, he was broken, he healed, but the scars are still there, and, even then, he’ll be thriving again. It’ll be an experience that, overall, helped him become better. And the final lyric: “Invincible like I've never been“, I like to think that this will be him at his peak: healed, happy, ready to take life by the horns, like he wasn’t before. It’s a hopeful, happy note to finish the song and his story on.

And that is my analysis on the song and the enneagram, I guess (Jesus this got waaay longer than I expected). I really hope Wilbur will get a redemption arc, it’s already wonderful that we have him back AND he wants to live (it’s honestly the first time I see, in any media, a suicide victim that not only is brought back to life, but they are happy to be back). Hopefully this is useful to people, and, as always, thanks to @kateis-cakeis for compiling Wilbur’s/Ghostbur’s quotes in a masterlist with timestamps and anything you’d want to know about them. It’s a goldmine of analyzing Wilbur and I highly encourage you to check it out.

#dream smp #dsmp #wilbur soot #dsmp wilbur #dream smp analysis #dmp analysis #dream smp character analysis #dsmp character analysis #finally... after 3000 years... the Eight analysis is complete #this took so long I am sorry lmao #now I can go focus on schoolwork #and before someone says it I'll say it #snailbur effervescent

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goblins-riddles-or-frocks · 2 years

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What are your favorite things about Nikolina, and if they're not the same answer, what makes you ship it?

OMG I only just noticed that I had this in my drafts and never replied!

So I will admit that a lot of what I like most about this ship is what I bring to it, even though I love what’s on screen I love their dynamic. But I’m mostly in it for what might have been, post TGT canon. Or just entirely canon divergent type stuff, which is incidentally also why I consider it more of a ship than just… a relationship I liked. I tend to only seek out fan content when I’m unhappy with what I got from canon or if I feel like it’s too bare bones.

Anyway I just said this on twitter the other day but I just love stories where the characters are picking up the pieces together!

This is a tangent but like I’m reminded of a thing I heard from a writing podcast once lol. It’s called relationship axes, where you rate two characters’ values on like money, mind, manners, morals, and marx brothers (humor lol) or something like that. And relationships stem from characters having however many of these in common and compelling/more invested conflicts when one or several do not align. I don’t necessarily approach things in the exact same way? My natural thought process definitely isn’t as structured, but the relationships I find the most interesting have a certain degree of conflict and a certain degree of respect/fondness. And that even extends to purely antagonistic dynamics. I just think there’s more investment and thematic cohesion even when there’s a lot of understanding and common ground between the characters’ viewpoints.

And while these two share a lot of values, and also like each other very much, they just want entirely different things. Their ideas of happiness are almost mutually exclusive. I enjoy that kind of good faith/genuinely being well meaning while also having inherent conflict.

And like I’ve said before, they just approach things super differently. Alina does NOT give a damn about appearances, Nikolai really really does; he is ambitious, she is not; etc. They complement each other very well.

Anyway I just enjoy second choice romance, and marriage/relationship of convenience type stuff. I think stories that revolve around choosing to be vulnerable, and choosing to love someone can be very poignant. And also angst surrounding emotional unavailability is just extremely fun for me lol. So I really like the pall that Mal might leave behind, or even the Darkling (the latter particularly in a version where she loses her power, and how his death could also represent that)

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #alina starkov #nikolai lantsov #nikolina #i ramble sometimes #all the bendy punctuations #*writer's cap*

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deusluxuria · 3 years

Text

anonymous asked:

Stardust Crusaders + Holly dealing with/reacting to Jotaro have a meltdown, shutdown, or sensory overload?

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(content note: ableism, autmisia)

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Before Jotaro met the Crusaders, his mom was the only person who noticed the signs of Jotaro being overwhelmed and on the verge of a meltdown.

Jotaro didn't know he was autistic until his early twenties, but Holly was very receptive to his needs regardless. It was just a matter of listening.

It's hard for him when he has meltdowns around people who don't know him as well as Holly does, because he often doesn't know what he needs in order to feel okay again. He needs someone to walk him through it, offer suggestions, and not force anything.

He always rejects hugs from his father. Always has. Jotaro's father doesn't understand him at all, and is most definitely of the "why can't you just be 'normal'" asshole type.

Holly has always asked permission before hugging him, so he trusts her and knows he can go to her for support.

As a teenager and an adult, Jotaro doesn't hug as much. Usually it's only if he's upset. And he only hugs people he really, strongly trusts. (Holly, Kakyoin, Abdul, his wife, Jolyne, Josuke).

Holly could easily list the signs of Jotaro being overwhelmed: very tense, much quieter than usual, clumsy, more irritable, rocking back and forth, pulling on his ear or a piece of hair, checking his surroundings more...

Jotaro typically has the quieter, more internal meltdowns. He'll feel so angry and just kind of collapse in on himself.

If he's having a personal life crisis, sometimes he'll punch a wall or a door, with no other way to get those emotions out.

Jotaro becomes non-verbal sometimes when he gets upset, non-speaking and also not able to verbalize in any way, such as groaning or sighing to express frustration.

Holly noticed this about him since his childhood, and she taught him a few basic signs in BSL (British Sign Language). As an adult, he knows JSL and ASL, but the signing he learned from Holly is close to his heart.

If Holly notices Jotaro feeling overwhelmed, she'll ask only yes-or-no questions, and ask one of them at a time. She'll ask if he needs to spend time around people, or to be left alone.

When Jotaro was little, she noticed he would run his hands under the sink for a long time when he was stressed. So for when he had meltdowns, she started putting him in the bath and spraying warm water on his scalp while brushing his hair.

From something as simple as watching and listening, she learned how to care for him and be a good parent, instead of an antagonist seeing him as a burden or thinking of him as broken or possessed.

◇◇◇

Abdul is an empath, and he's easily overwhelmed by others' emotions and by tense atmospheres. So he can relate to Jotaro's agoraphobia and sensitivites.

Jotaro himself is high-empathy as well.

Mohammed recognizes when Jotaro seems tense and overwhelmed, regardless of how Jotaro might not express those feelings on the surface.

Mohammed can be a bit more forgiving towards neurotypical lack of understanding, towards himself and other adults. But he won't tolerate it when it's harmfully impacting someone like Jotaro, who Mohammed has seniority over (him being an adult and Jotaro being a minor) and swears to protect.

He's someone Jotaro can cry in front of. Just with the energy he has. Similar to Holly's energy, but not as coddling.

Mohammed wakes up at 4AM every morning, habitually, since his parents always did so when he was a child, answering the Islamic call to prayer that sounds through Egypt. Mohammed is Pagan, but he likes to listen to the call, and remember those very early mornings from his childhood.

After the Crusaders group had arrived in Egypt, Jotaro couldn't sleep the first night. He went for a walk early, and when the call to prayer started, he sat down to listen. He'd never heard it before and didn't know what it was. But it was beautiful and it helped him to cry, finally, for the first time during their mission. He had a hard time processing what was happening to Holly.

Mohammed went out for a walk, found Jotaro, and sat with him for a while. They talked for ages, Jotaro feeling more open after crying and getting those repressed emotions out. They both shared about how they find people overwhelming and they get stressed easily. Jotaro talked about how he was feeling.

◇◇◇

(I headcanon Kakyoin as having BPD.)

Kakyoin admires Jotaro and looks up to him, a surprising change to his own arrogance. Noriaki doesn't typically look up to others.

It'd be alarming for him to see Jotaro have a moment of vulnerability. But essential. The two boys are only human, and sometimes Noriaki forgets that.

Noriaki, like Jotaro, has very intense emotions. So intense that he has to do something physical to cope with them. For Noriaki, that means things like punching a wall or screaming. Jotaro copes by stimming: snapping a rubber band against his wrist, showering in cold water, putting ice between his toes, using a float tank, being hugged, or squeezing into a pressured space like under weighted blankets or in a dense closet.

Noriaki is a PLEASE HELP ME sort of meltdowner, and Jotaro is more LEAVE ME ALONE. On the surface. Sometimes it's vice-versa, sometimes it's much more complex than that.

I feel like Jotaro and Kakyoin might fight about how they deal with their emotions. Because of their lack of understanding. Not just about each other, but each about himself.

Jotaro would find Noriaki's emotions overwhelming at times, and be put off by his occasional spikes of odd behavior. But it'd definitely be internalized ableism. Jotaro would need to recognize that the both of them are seen as odd, and because of that, they have a lot of self-hatred. Which, unfortunately, they'd bounce off each other.

I feel like they'd hug a lot, though. Despite both of them being people who are extremely selective about who gets to hug them.

They'd be very close friends after learning more about themselves and about each other.

◇◇◇

The whole Crusaders group trying to help Jotaro with a meltdown would be a mess, and they'd make it worse at first.

To the point where Jotaro would just sit on the floor, cover his face with his hat, press his hands over his ears, and either groan or go nonverbal.

They'd just have to leave him alone at that point.

If one of them tried to ask him questions later like, "What was stressing you out? How can we do better next time?," the subject would frustrate him so much that he could only answer flatly with, "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know."

It was very difficult for Jotaro to accept and understand himself before finding out he's autistic. He thought there was something wrong with him, mostly from observing the way other people reacted to him. But things most definitely got easier once he knew.

#autistic!jotaro #jotaro kujo #headcanon #stardust crusaders #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #anonymous #answered #mohammed abdul #mohammed avdol #noriaki kakyoin #holly kujo

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constant-eggs · 3 years

Text

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts about William on Supergirl from fellow Supercorp shippers, so I wanna talk a bit about Kara and Lena’s love interests and how they are viewed, and also about racism in the show and fandom. This has probably been done to death but I’m new to the fandom — I binge watched the show over the winter and just started using Tumblr in a real way about a month ago. So anyway, back to the men:

There’s the major three: James, Mon-El, and William. Jack is cool too — he should’ve had more than two episodes which is part of the issue I’m going to get to, but he never got to be a major player.

So let’s talk about James. Now, I liked him a lot, particularly in season 1. Of the three main love interests for Kara, he was the only one who (season 1) writers took time to establish as a character separate from her. He had hopes and a backstory (of course), and his own idealism that usually uplifted and sometimes contradicted with Kara’s. He was honest, and vulnerable, and when he made a mistake (like calling Superman against Kara’s wishes) he grew from them. Because he respected Kara, and himself. Now the chemistry between Kara and James for me felt good — it wasn’t earth shattering — but it was typical in what I’d come to expect from a heterosexual pairing. And I would argue that had the writers not done a complete 180 on Kara’s feelings for James in S2 and had let them keep growing together as characters, that the chemistry and relationship could have been really good. But they didn’t because as the writers themselves said, they’re ‘in the drama business.’ So having a healthy, supportive partner for Kara wasn’t their priority, James was sidelined, and then they never figured out what to do with his character from that moment on. Also, I do think that race played a part in the writers’ decision to change direction with their relationship, and it’s...disheartening.

Now real briefly on James with Lena: it reminded me a lot of Laurel 1 and Oliver — when they talked about each other to other people— I believed that there was love, but when they were together, I didn’t see any real spark. Even their drama wasn’t particularly interesting — so I won’t even get into it. But it’s been long enough in this post for me to get to the point of it: the fault of the deterioration of James as a character lies with the writers. They chose to sideline him, have his values constantly shift, and have his character development stagnate post S1. He could’ve had interesting stories as Guardian, could’ve worked more closely with Kara when he replaced Cat Grant, or any number of things. But his potential was squandered. And if they were so dead set on having a male love interest for Kara, he was their best option of the three.

Mon-El and Kara had chemistry. To me, it was very much sibling chemistry in nature, which is kind of funny considering that in the comics he was a pseudo brother to Superman. To be clear I’m talking about Kara and Mon-El and not Chris and Melissa who are married, because they aren’t their characters. That’s how I think he should have stayed — as an antagonistic, shallow brother type who slooowly became decent through character growth and not specifically to become Kara’s love interest. But the handful of times Mon-El did the right thing — rebelling against his parents, trying to be a hero etc. it was because he liked Kara. How boring is that? As a love interest he was subpar — and he continued to be a liar. I don’t hate him like some fans do — and I’m well aware that he was a shallow partner who owned other people on his planet, and a habitual liar. I also see that this show is fantastical in nature where I am rooting for Lena after nearly mind-enslaving the entire population just last season. And also in a universe where a primary hero — Oliver Queen, was a serial killer (as are Laurel 2, Sara Lance, and Mick Rory to name a few). So that isn’t the main reason why I don’t like Mon-El for Kara. I just feel as early Kara felt: She deserves so much better than him.

What is there even to say about William? He’s essentially the audience in character form — the chorus in an Ancient Greek play telling us how we should feel about whatever action he’s being sidelined from. If they wanted him to be endgame, he should’ve been introduced bare minimum a season earlier to give him a fair shot. He needs to be better integrated in the fold, and at this point there isn’t a lot of time to do that well.

I’m making this post though because I don’t agree with some of what I’m seeing in fandom. Yes, I too dislike Mon-El as a love interest for Kara, but I’m not going to yuck someone else’s yum. Same goes for William and James. If you see something romantic, that’s okay. If you’re a multi shipper, that’s okay too. I was into other Arrowverse shows when Karamel and Supercorp animosity was at its highest and saw some of what went on and now I see some people uniting over their mutual dislike for William. But his underdevelopment as a character is once again entirely on the writers and execs. Not Staz Nair. And @motorcyclegirlfriends has a much more nuanced post about how race plays into characters being empathized within fandom and the screen time they are allotted by writers and directors. https://motorcyclegirlfriends.tumblr.com/post/649196192472924160/what-a-lot-of-the-nice-fellow-fans-dont-harass

We shouldn’t be tearing down actors of color or characters of color out of frustration over (potentially/hopefully) queer (white) characters. We should instead be asking for them to have more well rounded stories, just as we ask for better LGBT rep — the two aren’t separate. If Supercorp doesn’t become canon it won’t be because of the subpar heterosexual romances they were given. It will be because the writers see the love story they’ve created, inadvertently or otherwise (even doubling down on it in S5) but chose to ignore it. I really hope that isn’t the case. Us fans deserve more complex, messy slowburn romances, and Supercorp could be up there with She-Ra as one of the best ever portrayed. Here’s to hoping.

#supergirl #supercorp #james olsen #mon el #william dey #lena luthor #kara danvers #let’s be real lena gets the screen time of a co lead #which I love but give me more #kelly olsen #brainy #m’gann m’orzz #j’onn j’onzz #nia nal #and yes william dey if he is going to be the endgame love interest

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