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justanartisticduck · 2 years

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Heya! It’s me again and I am back with yet another fanfic! Ok so this one was actually my first fanfic lol- I actually have no idea why I haven’t posted it here yet BUT this is actually the first fanfic I wrote!! Anyways now to describe this fanfic, well y’all know me and you know how much I love Red and Duck so I wrote this lil story of them! but it has a bit of a twist!! It is actually about Red and Duck in the past and when I say “in the past” I mean before highschool kind of past! (Jeez these two have been friends for a long time huh?) But basically in this fanfic is when these two first met as a matter of fact!! Also small warning! Ducks parents in this fic are implied to be- well- not the best- now I wasn’t sure how to tag this but I just wanted to place this here just to warn y’all! Anyways another thing I wanted to say aswell is I refer to Red as Harry/Harold and Duck as Robin in this fic, just to avoid confusion! :3 Now that’s all I really have to say aside from I hope y’all enjoy the fic!! Again, remember, this was my first fic so if my writing is wonky that’s cuz it quite literally was the first fanfic I wrote! Now with all that out of the way I hope y’all enjoy this!! :DDD

It was a beautiful morning in the city, Harry looked around, amazed at all the tall buildings and beautiful architecture that surrounded him. If buildings weren’t enough the fascinating murals on the walls were definitely enough to leave you mesmerized for hours. He glanced at his mother, she was muttering words under her breath but when she noticed her son was glancing at her she stopped and gave him a reassuring smile through her hair. Harry looked forward when he saw a tall building. The building, when compared to its surroundings, was rather dull and boring, there were many fellow creatures exiting the building, the two common ones were birds and fellow red guys. The two walked into the building and went towards a desk which had a peacock behind the counter.

“Hello, welcome to Mallard Enterprises, how may I assist you two today?”

Harry’s mom spoke in a dull, monotone voice, “Hello sir, we would like to visit the office of Mrs. Mallards.”

“I assume you have an appointment, yes?”

Harry zoned out from the chatter between his mother and the peacock as he looked around at his surroundings. The building, being that it was part of a “big company” in his mother’s words was what you would expect, fancy, quiet, boring. He looked up above the desk where he saw a family portrait of two adult ducks and two young children. The two parents intimidated him, they stared with a look that just said they did not like you. The two children looked fairly similar despite their opposite colors and emotion, almost as if they were twins. One of them was emerald green like their father with a yellow beak which frowned, they wore glasses over their yellow eyes which gave the same glare of their parents and they held a large book about history. The other brother was red just like Harry, he had an odd blue beak, blue eyes, and he gave a look which was much more lively compared to the rest of his family.

“Come on Harold lets go,” his mother said holding onto his hand in the midst of his thoughts.

They took an elevator which brought them to the tenth floor where they entered a lobby room and straight ahead was an office with the name Malicia G. Mallards written on it’s closed door.

“Wait here in the lobby while I consult my boss about you working here, look you even have a little friend to talk to”, she glanced at a young bird who sat on one of the many lobby chairs, they looked fairly similar to one of the children on the family portrait.

“Well that sounds pretty boring..” Harry mumbled, crossing his arms.

His mother sighed and reassured him, “I won’t be long..” she left and entered the office.

Harry sat next to the young bird, they were the kid in the painting. The bird looked fairly young (maybe nine or ten years old…?), he wondered what a child so young would be doing here. The bird was reading a book that seemingly was about trades, business, and money which made Harry even more puzzled about the child, he was fourteen and he still had no idea what the main idea of trades and business was so how did this 9 year old know? The bird seemed to notice the staring and they raised a eyebrow.

“Is something wrong sir?”

Harry was slightly alarmed by the voice, it was fairly odd sounding as if it was auto tuned and mechanic, “Oh no! There’s nothing wrong, I’m just curious about the book you’re reading, that’s all..”

“It’s nothing really, right now I’m learning about oil and how it affected the economy, you see…”

The young bird rambled on and on about oil, money and so many things Harry couldn’t even comprehend, jeez this kid knows a lot.

“You are surely smart for just being nine-“

“I’m thirteen.” the bird said in a stern tone of voice while interrupting Harry.

The bird spoke again in a annoyed voice, “Plus, you sure talk a lot despite being in the workplace, I’m surprised no one has yelled at you yet to mind your manners and be quiet!”, the bird glared at Harry before continuing to read their book.

Harry thought a bit about the building. You see, unlike most of his species, Harry is really creative, what most of his kind would see as utter nonsense he would see as art. He loved all forms of art, one of which was music. He absolutely loved music, he would constantly hum little tunes and it drives his mother and step brother nuts for they only see it as nonsensical words mashed together with noise. His creativity was never accepted among his species, at school in art he would always share his best ideas but in return he would get the typical, “oh that’s great sweetie!” and they would then pass on to another student. He always wanted to work in an art studio, or maybe be in a band, or heck, he could even do a puppet show and he would be happy! But he then remembered his mother’s words as they drove to this city, “I’m going to take you just where I worked when I was your age. You see in this office you’ll learn so many things, you may even become a better business person when compared to me!”, he did not want to do business, or at least not this kind. His mother always wanted him to fit in, a difference was a burden to her, which made Harry himself a burden for he knew just why his mother wanted him to work here, she wanted to “fix” him, she wants to be rid of his creativity so he could be like everyone else. Then he remembered the bird next to him, even though they were a little older than he thought, why were they reading a book about trades when they could be playing games and having fun?

“Hey uhm-“

The duck slammed their book shut, “what is it now?!?”

They gave the red creature a glare filled with annoyance. “Uhhhh I just wanted to know.. if you by any chance could tell me about your mom, Mrs. Mallards…..?”

The bird shrunk into their shoulders, their eyes were wide and seemed to look around the room for a brief moment…

“Well… she is a… uhh… very successful businesswoman and mother.”, they seemed to have rushed those words out before scrambling to find a page in their book to distract themself.

“No, I mean, what do you think of her? I personally think my mom is a lady who just absolutely cannot have fun”

The bird's eyes widened, “I’ve never been asked my opinion before..”

As Harry watched the bird think of their next words carefully, he saw many emotions within their body language; anger, fear, and pain.. he never thought that they would have this side to them, it kinda made him feel bad..

“You.. you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to..” He added, he had a worried expression on his face.

The bird looked back at him, they were trying to figure out just how to respond to Harry, they stood quiet for a brief moment before responding, “I- I don’t want to talk about it.. but it’s nice to hear that someone actually cares about what I think for once..”

Just as Harry prepared to speak again the door to the office opened and Harry’s mother came out with excitement,

“Hey Harold guess where you’re going to be working~”, Harry sighed and replied unenthusiastically, “where…..?”

“Right in this very building”, she said with much more excitement when compared to her son. She then checked her watch and added, “Anyways, we ought to get going-“

“Wait, can I at least say bye to them first?”

She glanced at the small bird and replied, “I suppose, don’t take too long though, I’ll be on the first floor..”, she left for the elevator.

“I have to go..”

The bird jumped out of their seat and sprinted towards the tall creature, “I know you don’t have much time but by any chance… would you like to become friends? I mean you are going to work here and I will be in this building often so I mine as well keep you company because trust me it gets really boring here..”

Harry shrugged his shoulders while slightly smiling just from hearing the bird babble on, “sure..”

The bird looked so excited, they hugged Harry through his excitement, “Yes!! Oh wow, I’ve never actually had a real friend before hahaha! Oh by the way, my name is Robin, Robin D. Mallards..”, they moved back and held out their hand

“Oh, I am Harold, but my friends call me Harry or Red..”, they both shook hands after their brief greeting.

“Anyways I have to go, bye Robin!” Harry rushed towards the elevator waving his hand behind him.

“Goodbye Red!” Robin smiled as they watched their new friend leave..

The elevator took Harry back down to the first floor, the main floor was empty for the most part so it was fairly easy to find his mother. Him and his mother walked out of the building together and to their car. Harry’s mother was constantly talking about random things, Harry didn’t listen to much of what she had to say. Harry’s thoughts were more so focused on Robin, Harry wasn’t used to having friends so having an actual friendship outside of family was something entirely new to Harry. Harry thought about things he had heard friends do and he imagined doing those things with Robin because now he won’t have to act like he has friends, now he won’t just have to pretend there is a person willingly talk to him, no, he can finally have someone to talk to, someone to walk with, someone to just simply enjoy his company. It was hard to see through Harry’s long and thick hair but he was smiling for the first time in months- he continued to think about the future things he and Robin were going to do together then his mother spoke, interrupting his thoughts yet again-

“So luckily for you you got this job!! I absolutely cannot wait for you to work here as I did when I was your age!”

“…yeah.. I can’t wait either..” Red said, rolling his eyes. He honestly was not excited but at least now he has an actual friend to be on his side.. hopefully at least that will make his life just a bit more fun..

#Dhmis #dont hug me im scared #don’t hug me i’m scared #dhmis Duck #dhmis robin #dhmis red guy #dhmis harry #I’m not sure if there is anything I need to tag for tjis so let me know!!#ask to tag #my art

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eydi-andrius · 4 years

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The Beginning after the Finale

Pairing: Yoonbum x Foreigner Detective Female Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: Idk I used my notes for this. :/

Warnings: May or may not continue this one.

- Also, this is my first published fic cuz' I'm a coward so there will be many grammatical errors but I did try to proofread it. I SWEAR!

- Lastly, I'm a new user of tumblr.

- Oh yeah! ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SEATBELT and I did wrote some curse words...

Summary: A childhood acquaintance of Yoonbum came back to find out that her first case in South Korea will include Yoonbum as a victim.

(I'm always looking for fics about after KS but found a little so I created one for myself.)

The story starts after the chapter ending of Killing Stalking.

You just came back to your hometown after studying and working a bit in US. You never really want to stay there in the first place but your parents doesn't like you staying alone in South Korea. You can't really argue with that. A 16 year old highschool student alone and living on a "not so safe neighborhood where a renter uncle beat the shit out of his nephew while his grandmother watch the whole ordeal afraid of his son putting his anger on her."

You can't help but sigh after remembering what happened to your childhood friend whose name you can't remember.

Him, his uncle and grandmother rents a house your parents owned. The rent was cheap because your parents doesn't really care about the money. At that time they just want a good neighbor to live next to the house where their daughter lived alone.

The uncle appeared to be friendly, caring and kind when he applied for the house. Having his mother lived with him was a plus to your parents because at least someone old will took care of you for sure. However, after his nephew's parents died on a tragic accident, the uncle became aggressive and unreasonably hit his nephew and blame him for what happened.

Of course when your parent's found out your mother's hystericlly ordered you to go lived with them abroad. At that time, you flat out refused them but after hearing their second angry suggestion of kicking out the renter, you just decided to go and obey them afraid of making it worse for the nephew.

"The nephew hmnnm..." you murmur as you try to recall that nephew's name and face. It's been too long and you only remember bits of information about him. Like how feminine his stature was. The way he look shyly when you greeted and passed by him on the streets while walking to school. How his face powdered with red whenever you saw him and smiled widely at him. However despite all those memories, his face and identity remained a mystery. His face was blurry, same with his name.

You huffed angrily as you drum your fingers on the steering wheel. You're annoyed to yourself for forgetting the most important information. Nostalgia seeped through you whenever you think about him. Maybe because you thought he was unique and had an honest air around him. You liked that and you'd like to see him again. And deeply you hoped that he was doing fine.

"DEATH PENALTY FOR THAT BASTARD PSYCHOPATH!" You got spooked after hearing a loud booming voice from a megaphone. It was a quiet day and a shout like that can be heard throughout this town. Luckily the traffic light blared red and so you've got a chance to observe what is happening outside.

Lots of people are yelling with placards on hand in front of Jonggan Hospital. Young and old were gathered outside. Looking and shouting angrily to put a certain someone named "Sangwoo" to jail until he die or punished him with death penalty. You frowned. Death penalty isn't a thing in South Korea anymore right? This person probably did something horrendous to get a suggestion like that from old and young folks.

"Good heavens! What happened to this small town?" You questioned as you shake your head then look at the countdown for a greenlight ready to go forward. Two seconds more. You said on your head.

One last look on the crowd and you decided to drove off when a scrawny boy decided to run when the greenlight was on. You stopped before you run over him but your car still bumped his body. Making him fall over the pedestrian lane.

"Fuck!" You yelled shocked and angrily from the unexpected accident. Hurriedly, you got out your car to see if the man was okay.

You heard the loud beeping noise of horns behind your car when you got out furious at you for stopping so suddenly. However, you are more concerned to the man you almost run over with your car.

"Are you okay!? Do you know how dangerous running on a pedestrian lane with greenlight on!?" You yelled worriedly as you crouched down to check if he was okay.

The guys seemed shocked about what happened and continued to look down on the cement. And so you decided to touch both of his cheeks with your hands and forced his face to look at you. Your eyes went wide as you recognize the face infront of you.

"I'm sorr-"

"Yoonbum!" You interrupted the guy's apology as he spoke when you recognized that small and scrawny face of your childhood neighbor. The nephew you're thinking about just earlier.

Yoonbum blinked when you yelled out his name in surprise.

"Do I k-know you?" Yoonbum stuttered as he frowned questioningly at you.

"Oh my gosh! It's really you! This is me, [Y/N]. You look thinner than you do when we were younger." You beamed as slowly all of your memories of him came flooding back. That scrawny, shy and honest boy you knew is right in front of you.

"[Y/N]? I-" The angry noises of car horns stopped Yoonbum from talking and you realized where the two of you at the moment.

"I'm glad that I got to see you again but the road is not a place for our little reunion. C'mon!" You smiled as you offer your hand and help him to get into your car.

You repeatedly look at the rearview mirror to confirm if the guy you just saw and almost run over was really Yoonbum. Feeling your eyes at him, he looked at the rearview mirror too and your eyes meet. He immediately look away while an obvious blush painted his cheeks.

"I really can't believe this. I was just thinking about you earlier you know. And pondering over what's your name and how do you look but then I run over you. I mean, almost." You chuckled as you slightly looked at him while driving.

You wet your lips and continue talking. "I'm so happy to finally meet you again, Yoonbum." Smiling slightly while looking at the rearview mirror. This time, your eyes meet again but he didn't look away.

"Uhmmm.." You heard Yoonbum uttered softly so you glance his way. You saw him twiddling his thumbs.

"Go on." You nod while looking at the road to encourage him to say whatever he had in mind.

"Do I know you?" Surprised, you stopped and your car screeched loudly. You heard a loud thud beside you.

"Awwww...."

You gasped in horror when you saw Yoonbum's bloody forehead. You immediately grab some tissues on the back sit and dabbed softly on his open wound. That's when you realized that all this time he was not wearing his seatbelt. You cursed under your breathe and muttered a silent sorry to Yoonbum for driving carelessly. You just didn't expect him not to know you when he voluntarily rode your car and listen to your ramblings about him.

Luckily you're on your way to the hospital parking lot. You were really worried about Yoonbum earlier that you decided to bring him to the hospital to be checked by the doctors if he had any injuries from the almost accident.

You got out of the car immediately and guide him to the emergency entrance. On your way there, you saw a police in uniform narrowed his eyes on your direction and jogged angrily where the two of you are. You felt Yoonbum's grip tighten on your hand.

When the police was just two steps away from you and Yoonbum. You hid him fast and pushed the officer away.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! What do you think you are doing? You are scaring my friend, officer." You said sarcastically as you shoved the glaring guy in front of you.

The police officer eyebrows knitted into one. "Ma'am, I mean no harm to you and your friend. But I need to talk to him." He emphasized the word friend as he tried to look behind you. You felt Yoonbum cowers in fear. You hold tightens on his hands. Clearly, there was really something wrong here. However, even though you want to fight the man in uniform, Yoonbum needs his wound treated.

"I'd like to let you, good sir but my friend's head is bleeding and he needs immediate care."

You didn't wait for his reply and you brought Yoonbum to the nearest nurse to help him with his wound.

From your peripheral vision, you saw the officer followed the two of you. When the nurse finally assisted your friend, you immediately stop the officer from interrogating Yoonbum further.

"You know, I don't have any clue about what you need from Yoonbum but can you stop? He almost got into an accident today and by the way his body responds to you, you were making things harder for him. So can you please stop." You glared daggers at the officer who just replied on your statement with a frown.

"Ma'am-"

"[L/N], [Y/N] [L/N]" You interrupted him which made his frown into a scowl.

"Okay, Ms. [L/N]. By the way you look, you're probably just got here and don't know what happened. Your friend there, Mr. Yoon was a victim of a serial killer. Him being out is not good for he was still suspected to be an accomplice even though the court already ordered his innocence." He nonchantly explained as he pointed his hand to Yoonbum who's being tended by a nurse.

He left your mouth agape with his revelation and walked pass you to sit beside the now patched Yoonbum. You followed and immediately hugged Yoonbum protectively from the officer who didn't even tell his name yet.

Then you remembered that Yoonbum doesn't remember you still and so you dropped your arms and just crouched in front of him to look into his eyes. You hold his hands and help him remember you.

"Yoonbum. This is me [Y/N]. The ow-"

"Owner of the house my uncle rented for us." You smiled when Yoonbum continued your sentence. He smiled back with that boyish innocent smile you remembered before but with eyes full with uncertainty and sadness.

"Sorry for interrupting your little reunion but didn't I told you Mr. Yoon to not go out alone to Jonngang Hospital?" The officer glared at Yoonbum who was trying to look and move away.

You bit your lips and stand up to fight the officer for being rude to the obvious scared Yoonbum.

"You nasty off-"

"Seungbae. Officer Seungbae for you Ms. [Y/N]" He interrupted looking at you. As if telling you to fight him.

"Okay, Officer Seungbae. I do understand that you're just trying to protect Yoonbum but can you please stop being nasty and rude to him. He was obviously shooked from what happened to him earlier-"

"And if you don't know Ms. [Y/N], the foreigner. In Jonggang Hospital lies the culprit who broke your friend's legs and forced him to do nasty things for months. And if the people caught him there, the people might become more hostile and believed further that he was an accomplice. Just letting you know in case you don't know" Your jaw clenched at the sneering statement of the officer. You're not annoyed by the fact that you know nothing on Yoonbum's case but the fact that this officer was basically putting all of his anger at you and making you look like a fool.

Instead of continuing the banter with him, you looked at Yoonbum's eyes again who continued to look away.

You have these cases in the US when you're still working there as a detective. Some serial killer let a victim alive to break them and make them believe that they were just like them. Cases abroad are nastier than in here but after hearing that your friend had suffered directly from a psycopath made your heart wrenched in sadness for him. It will take some time to heal them but knowing the person who suffered made you want to help them more wholeheartedly.

"Yoonbum please look at me" You placed both of your hands upon his cheek guiding his face to look at you.

"I don't know what happened and do not know the real reason why you still want to see him despite what he did to you. Maybe to see him suffer or whatever but I believe that you're innocent. Maybe he ordered you to do nasty things to make you crazy or make you believe that you're just like him but I still do believe in your innocence because you are a victim of him too. Whatever you have in mind, I'll listen to you and guide you through the process. Trust me." You looked at him with your heart out to let him know your sincerity to help him despite the years you hadn't been with him.

Yoonbum looked at you for sometime and then nod squeezing your wrists near his cheeks.

You smiled at him.

You admire how strong he was despite all the struggles he suffered through his lifetime. You promised to yourself that you will help him this time and will not runaway because its dangerous or whatsoever.

You squeezed his hands tight and nod at him happily.

P.S. Notes are highly appreciated. Thank you so much!

#yoonbumxreader #killing stalking #fanfic #afterks #yang seungbae #yoonbum #seungbae x reader #idk how to tag lmao #idk how to tag anymore #idk how to tag stuff #idk how to use tumblr #idk how to tag lol

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adamarinayu · 3 years

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Can you tell us more about your author au, back in action au, and Notre duck au? Sorry if I'm asking for a lot but I just saw them on your AU list and they caught my interest 😅

Haha sure! I haven’t worked on any of them in a while but here we go! It’s a bit long, especially the Back in Action section....

In the Author AU, Donald is an author who works under a pseudonym, so that he and the triplets can have some normalcy in life while also being able to support them comfortably. He’s the author of a best selling series, which is the Paperinik series (maybe in this AU it’ll be called Duck Avenger, idk).

He began writing the PK stories during highschool, and they were published as shorts regularly in a small magazine. Of course, being a teenager, it began as a fantasy- it was how he vented his frustrations. Gladstone, of course, figured it out, as did Della, but Scrooge had no interest so no one else outside of Donald’s closest circle (that is to say, Mickey, Minnie, Daisy and Goofy) knew. It soon grew to be a hero story, rather than a story about vengeance. At this point there are no nephews in the story.

After highschool, his story got picked up by a publishing company and Uno was his agent. He ended up including the character ONE based off of Uno, which Uno is equal parts amused and exasperated by (”Honestly, I thought you said you wanted to be anonymous.”). The two don’t officially become friends, however, until a couple of years later, when Della went missing. Donald had taken a surprisingly dark turn in the story which would have resulted in killing off the main characters, at which point Uno decided to intervene and talk to him. With Uno’s support and growing friendship Donald rewrote the story, keeping the darker tone but ending it on a higher note with all the characters alive and happy.

Donald also gave PK a family of his own, having him be a single father to three children (hinted heavily at them being adopted, after PK saved them as eggs), a decision which forever changed the direction of the books from being about a duck who fights because it’s all he’s good for, to being about a duck who fights because he has something worth fighting for. He and Uno obviously become very close over this time.

Gladstone reads every book that comes out. He always wins a free edition but insists on buying it, as his way of helping Donald out. He uses the tone of each book and the events that happen in them to determine whether or not he needs to come and kick a little sense into Donald.

Donald ultimately concludes the book series after Della comes back, with the story having a happy ending all around. Which definitely includes ONE getting a physical body and joining the family. Unsurprisingly he and Uno get married. Scrooge and the kids find out he’s the author of PK after Scrooge announces his studio bought the movie rights to the film lol. Della and Gladstone are just like “wow seriously, you guys didn’t see the writing clear on the wall?”

The Back in Action AU is basically, PK was a TV show and Donald was the titular character, PK. His co-star was Uno, who lent his voice and face to the character ONE (the names of all the characters in PK are changed, ofc, their real names are the actors’ names now, except for Uno and Xadhoom). The entire cast (yes, including Angus Fangus) were a pretty tight-knit family, of a sort. So while Della and Scrooge were adventuring (as he had left the adventure life behind, feeling as if he wasn’t contributing or seen as an equal among the group) he became part of a family of his own. Daisy also played PK’s love interest, though the two of them are actually more like Best Pals. They went to highschool together so. Daisy wasn’t in the main cast and was just a recurring character, as she had a main role in another series.

The triplets in PK were just babies, but PK wasn’t their primary caretaker. They were more like background characters, but occasionally PK would get roped into babysitting them and having to balance watching the children and saving the world because “oh god even if I stop the Evronian invasion if any of their feathers get singed my sister will kill me!” (Note, PK’s sister was only seen in photos and was a blonde, like in the original comics. You can hear her voice now and then though)

Donald was close with everyone (oh the bloopers he and Angus had.... and of course the Evronians, something ALWAYS went wrong with their costumes!) but Uno became his best friend (and his almost-more). The series was the most popular thing on TV for a while, and Gladstone and Fethry were so proud of their brother cousin and so sad that Scrooge and Della were missing the best moments of his life. Gladstone and Fethry are much more involved in Donald’s life than Della and Scrooge are in this AU. That isn’t to say they don’t all love each other very much, it’s just Della and Scrooge’s interests laid elsewhere.

Anyway, every series hits its end, and more often than not it comes much faster than planned. PK ended a whole season sooner than expected, due to the sudden buyout of their studio and the new owners choosing to shut PK down in favour of one of their own shows (couldn’t afford both at the same time, and their own show had a smaller budget). So the series ended on the cliffhanger of PK losing ONE and (Lyla’s character), the Evronians being defeated and PK choosing to hang up his cape because of just how much that final battle cost him. It was an ending that angered many people, extremely upsetting especially knowing that it hadn’t been the planned ending of the series.

The entire cast and crew split up, most still staying in acting but a few leaving. Donald went back to adventuring with Scrooge and Della while Uno went back to Italy with his brothers (Due and Tre, the former of which played a major part in 2-3 episodes) to work in their father’s lab. They ended up falling out of contact (not by their own choice, just due to the nature of their jobs). Then a few years later Della went missing and Donald was left caring for her three children- it was a bit ironic, perhaps.

In the 10-12 years Donald was taking care of them, a “sequel” movie and a spinoff came to be with different actors and stories, but neither were well received because they lacked the “spirit” and charm of the original series. Especially the spinoff, which was animated in a very Saturday-morning style.

The triplets don’t really know about the OG PK, only knowing it by the spinoff, or that their uncle used to be a big name actor. However, 10 or so years later it’s announced that PK is coming back.... with the original writers and actors (except for the kids). Including Donald Fauntleroy Duck, the actor who played the titular PK. They are shook.

The original children who played PK’s nephews were unavailable (”We were like 2 during all that, we really don’t care”) and, besides that, had already aged out of the roles (the comeback was a Ten Years Later kind of deal, and it had been more like 14 or 15 since the end of the show, so the original kids were already mid-late teens. Therefore, when the director discovered Donald was now caring for his three nephews (convenient that there were three) he suggested they play the role of the triplets. Donald left it up to the triplets, under the stipulation that they would have minor roles (as the triplets always did) and this wouldn’t interfere with school.

They actually made a whole new role for Webby in the show! Because the triplets agreed on the condition that Webby gets to join them. And that’s how Webby began to play the triplets’ younger sister. The director decided to take a page out of Donald’s real life and wrote PK’s sister out (this was also partially because the actress had died) so PK was now being a full-time father to his kids who had no idea who he really was.

But then Donald finds out that not only is Lyla there, not only is Angus there... so is Uno. Uno and both of his brothers. It’s quite a reunion. And of course everyone expects Donald’s most emotional reunion to be with Daisy, but no. It’s Uno. And Uno is the one he ends up on the front of a magazine with lol.

Also yeah they get married :3

Man I think I may have overspoke about this one XD But I really enjoy this one what can I say jkkghfdsjlk

Notre Duck!! That’s another one I enjoy though it isn’t as in-depth as the last. So basically Everett came to Earth, and it’s kinda like.... a Duck version of medieval times. He came here for inspiration, then ended up building Uno, who became like a son to him. However, when other flesh-and-blood ducks realized he was an android, they became fearful and called him a monster, and tried to attack and run him out of town.

After that, Everett hid him away in a tower attached to a church, where no one but the church staff would go. He didn’t want to lose his android son. But Uno watches the world below his tower change, dreaming of a day when he could go out there too.

One day he meets Donald, who is a street performer with an association to Scrooge McDuck, a king in a neighboring kingdom. Donald finds out very quickly that he is an android and doesn’t judge him for it, instead encouraging him to leave the tower because “life is about the adventure.” This, of course, does not sit well with Everett, who forbids Uno from leaving the tower or seeing Donald.

Donald is wanted by the lord of the city, who wants to use him against Scrooge (and earn favour with his own king). There’s no creepy old men lusting after young women and no slurs being used casually so.

Also anyway this actually spawned from me imagining Uno to the song Out There so yeah.

#Ask #DT17 AUs #They're all DUno

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its-chelisey-stuff · 4 years

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Was it love? Rant on the drama and *that* finale

Okay, so, one thing I'm glad of is that I didn't actually put so much time into this(I started it when half the drama was aired and watched it on my TV while I was doing something else, most of the time), nor was I too invested (despite what this ranting may led you to believe) but I did have my phone on my hands while watching the ending and I thought I was going to loose a brain cell unless I didn't turn my frustrations into something kinda productive, so I just wrote this down. 😂

The final conflict

First thing first: I didn't get the last minute drama. It was so unnecessary, but that can be said for half the choices this show decided to make. The whole thing that made DaeOh go away and hide is literally something that we, as viewers, discovered along the way. It was all huge misunderstanding where he wasn’t exactly innocent, but not completely guilty.

All of this because of Ryu Jin, basically. More than half of this story's conflict was because of him one way or another. In the past, because of his jealousy, in the present because his former ceo had the hots for him and since she "made him a star" she felt some sick possessiveness over him. Even at the end, after some time had passed, she was of the same mentality. *shudders*

Honesty between mother&daughter and an ignorant father

And seriously, why didn’t Ae jeong talk to her freaking daughter?? Why wouldn’t she tell the truth? Tell everything that happened 14 years ago? How many problems could have been fixed with that? The kid spent 12 eps stumbling around in darkness, thinking everyone but the real one was her father and making assumptions about the time she didn't even existed yet.

This story could have been a very bittersweet but healing tale of a man who was egocentric, selfish and felt wronged by everyone and everything, founding out he actually didn't know the full story, and have him realize he was just a mere mortal by knowing he had a daughter. They could have focused on building the relationship between the two. It would have been the redemption for DaeOh that was needed (not relinking his romance with a woman who didn't even bother to get an explanation from him, the man who impregnated her, and dissapeared for 14 years) and the thing Hanee so clearly needed and wanted, having a dad. (Oh, and her whole “I don’t need a dad, so be a good husband to my mom” attitude gave me a headache).

‘Strong’ female lead was actually just stubborn and resentful

I wouldn't have minded that Ae-jeong admitted she didn't know everything. In fact, she was very far from it. That she wasn't strong, independent woman, a hero. Of course raising a child alone is fucking hard, but the thing is that she didn't had to do it alone. Trying to contact Daeoh a couple more times wouldn't have done her any harm. I mean, fine, break up with the man, but the moment she decided to have her child she owed to her baby to at least try so she could have a dad! But she was proud and stubborn, and I cannot admire a woman like that. What a pity that this was my first drama watching Song JiHyo, but I think she did her best with what she was given.

Sigh I just think that is awful that the woman I thought of as amazing on ep 1, was actually a mirage, an illusion. Yeah, she was strong in a sense, but her story was nothing to admire.

The romance (if you can call it that)

Finally, that OTP which was awful from beginning to end (and I actually never saw much chemistry between the actors). For a moment there, I thought I could tolerate them, at least, but while Daeoh started to redeem himself in my eyes, the object of his affection, AeJeong, was just sinking lower and lower, getting less and less sympathy from me. I will never understand why the man he became, could still be in love with a woman like her.

Literally any other pairing on this show would've been much more interesting. Hell, even the kids, who were adorable to watch (and for some reason got married in the end, like, I like the idea but what was that ending?). The hallyu star and Asia's angel. Gangster dad and bar's unnie. You name it.

And in the end young hot teacher had nothing to do or add to the story beyond liking Ae-jeong, just because she was the only one who told him to get his shit together and have another dream after his injury in highschool ended his basketball career. The fuck?

What was lost

The potential. The potential this show had and was lost is how I'm gonna remember this drama. The potential in its characters, the potential on the relationships, the potential of a better backstory, the potential of a better story in general.

Also, how good, plot twisty, could've been if Ae jeong and DaeOh didn't end up together, because, as irl, fourteen years or misunderstandings and zero talking are actually too freaking much to overcome. Daeoh should have focused on having a relationship with his daughter, on winning her and just her. And Aejeong could have ended up alone, as the independent woman she loved being, or at least make it interesting and have her have a hot romance with the best character, Koo Pado. Man, Aejeong had the best chemistry with him and they just did nothing with it? I saw it from ep 1, it was fire. At least use his character better, make his time longer: he was the best character and I actually enjoyed his whole story and the relationship with his son was pure love.

THE POTENTIAL THIS SHOW HAD. AND WITH SUCH A WONDERFUL CAST. GONE TO WASTE. I just feel bad for everyone involved. Even for the brief cameo SF9 had, lmao. At least they barely showed Rowoon's face.

Conclusion

Thank God is over. Among all the dramas I've seen this year (and they aren't a lot but I've made some questionable choices that thank goodness didn’t backfire till now) this is the one I barely enjoyed and regret a bit okay a lot. It'd be a lie to say I never did like it, because somehow I managed to finish it. But I wish I could've enjoyed it more.

My best memory from this drama will be the delightful OST that has been stuck on my head for weeks. That and Koo Pado. And A-rin. (Dasom, sweetie, from He's psychometric to this? Choose better next time, honey). And all the discussions I had with @eclectifylady were a highlight. It was so fun to try and make sense of the story, because with every episode, it proved to be a mighty task hahaha. At least there was something good this drama gave me.

Also, in case it wasn't clear, and you haven't watched the drama and are thinking of doing it, don't.

Just watch something else.

#was it love?#did we love?#was it love #song jihyo #son ho jun #kim dasom #koo ja sung #song jong ho #kim min joon #kdrama #rant #review #ending

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boywivlove · 4 years

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| Title | Floral |

| Pairing | Jung Hoseok x Reader

| Word Count | 3k

| Genre | Florist AU, fluff, slight romantic moments

| Summary | Reader has moved back with her parents in her small hometown; after her life hasn't turned out the way she had hoped, and dealing with bouts of depressive thoughts. When she runs into an old friend from school, can he help her through her low point to see the sunlight after the storm?

| Warnings | descriptions of depression and depressive thoughts.

| AN | So this is my second half of the `April showers bring May flowers` collaboration, and I'm really glad to get this out!! This has a mildly gloomy beginning but I promise a fluffy ending!

On a personal note I wrote this fic to kind of get some of my own thoughts out, I think there are alot of us who have gloomy days, and our thoughts are anything less than happy. And I just want to say if anyone reading this also has days like this please know your not alone and you are loved <3 Please enjoy, stay safe, and have a lovely day!

The rain kept coming, pouring down relentlessly as you were stopped at a red light, You didn't mind. If anything it relaxed you. The sound of rain always made it easy for you to fall asleep, driving in the rain drowned out the world to you, making it easier to concentrate on your thoughts, no matter how glum they were. You looked out of your window, the last hours of daylight clinging to the skyline, smudged with the storm clouds that had been gushing rain for the last couple of hours. The weather seemed to match your mood perfectly.

You didn't know exactly when your life started to feel gloomy and dull, but you know it had been a while, almost a year at most. Looking back, you had such high hopes for your life, finish college, finish university, get a good job, move out and live your life. But while you tried your best in education, that's when the thoughts of doubt and paranoia started to bury themselves in your mind.

You were constantly thinking the friends you had grown close to had only tolerated you, and your parents were secretly disappointed in you. It was hard to concentrate on your degree while trying not to have a breakdown in the middle of class. Eventually you had to leave your studies for the sake of your mental health, and you got a new job to keep on top of your rent, and it was good, but after a while, the same nagging thoughts came back, same thoughts, different setting.

You had made your way down the long winding road of the countryside, eventually passing the town's welcome sign. This is where you're going to be staying now, back in the town you grew up in, the town you had imagined all the great things you were going to do with your life. You had decided that you needed a do over, and after a talk with your parents, a decision was made that you would take some time out from everything, and come and stay with them until you get back on your feet.

Leaving your job was hard, but gave you room to exhale and let out some of your anxiousness. But at the same time, you were right back where you started. It's not like you could go back to school, and try and get a degree in a different subject, the only thing you could do was try and work through your issues and try and find a job.

You arrived at your parents house just after 10 pm, and you parked the car in the driveway, leaving the boxes of everything you owned in the garage until your could sort your old room out, your parents had turned it into a pantry, but now it was remade into a room for you, a bed, closet, desk, but the personal touches could come later, right now you wanted to sleep, not even changing out of your clothes you crawled into bed, letting the rain lull you into sleep.

It had been 3 months since you had packed up your life and moved back with your parents, and they had been nothing but supportive, the medication you were given helps only a little with the depressive moments. You had been taking care of yourself and now finally you wanted to start looking for a new job, your parents had said not to worry about rent or paying your way, but you owed it to them, and yourself. You wanted to prove that you could overcome the black dog that hung over you.

It was easier said than done, for a small town, the job opportunities were even shorter. A lot of the businesses here were family owned, and didn't really need any new workers. It had taken you around 30 rejections before you got an offer from a little independent bakery, owned by a lovely old lady named Rose. The pay wasn't great, but hey, it was something, and Rose was lovely, remembering you from when you used to live here as a kid, and gave you a chance.

Now, months later, you and Rose were doing great, you had learnt her tips and tricks for making her baked goods, and found the locals to be a breath of fresh air, the bakery having plenty of regulars to get to know and talk to, a surprisingly nice reprieve from the comings and goings of random faces, a thing that made your old job kind of daunting.

The days you spent in the bakery didn't melt into one, each day had a little something new, a new recipe, new stories from the regulars, and sometimes new faces, and one particular day had a face you had not seen in years.

The sun had finally seemed to come out from behind the clouds, the rain never seemed to stop, but it happened now only with small sprinkles. The hanging baskets of lavender outside the shop dripped onto customers who entered, and the window baskets that held an array of colourful pansies were nicely watered thanks to the rain.

Rose had made you feel so at home in this bakery, and she has so much faith in you, leaving you in charge of the shop for a week or so while she visited her son overseas, and it meant so much to you. Her trust in you had given you something to aspire to.

You were doing your best.

You had just taken another batch of bread rolls out of the oven, and had just set about brewing a pot of coffee when he came in. His hair was speckled in rain droplets as he placed his umbrella in the stand. He approached the counter and peered at the choices. As he was browsing you gave him a once over, he was cute. He was dressed in a white button up shirt and black pants, a long brown corduroy jacket and a deep maroon scarf wrapped around his neck. His face was nice to look at, his hair framed his chiselled jaw nicely, and his shoulders were nice and broad. Now you didn't make a habit of ogling the customers, but you haven't seen this guy in the bakery before, so he was something new to you.

You approached the counter as he was still considering his selection.

“ Hey Rose, you don't have any of those white chocolate almond cookies ready do you?”

He didn't even look up as he was trying to locate the cookie in the rack, it was almost a childlike movement, both his hands placed on the glass and his eyes squinted in concentration. It was oddly familiar to you.

“Hey, not Rose, but we do have some in the oven that are almost ready if you fancy waiting?”

Your voice seemed to surprise him, as his head shot up and his eyes widened slightly

“Oh, I'm so sorry, I never see anyone else behind the counter he he, Is Rose back there?”

He rubbed his nose in a kind of embarrassed movement, looking towards the back room for a second, and then back at you, his eyes roamed your face as he smiled at you.

“Ha ha it's alright, I only started 3 months ago, and sadly no, Rose is visiting her son for a couple of weeks, left me in charge, I`m Y/N”

Your chest puffed slightly, taking pride in the fact that Rose had trust enough in you to leave her business in your care.

“Ahhh Rose must really trust you to leave her pride and joy in your hands,,, wait, Y/N?”

His face was wrinkled slightly, as if trying to remember something that he couldn't quite grasp for a second.

“Yeah? Have we met?”

“ Y/N, Y/L/N from high school ? “

You didn't recognise him at first, it had been so long since you had seen him, but you quickly realised who it was as you remembered the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and his bright toothy smile.

“.... oh my god, Hobi ?”

Now that was something that you didn't see coming. Hobi, the guy in front of you was Hobi, the high school funny guy who made everyone laugh, the guy who danced out everything he said. Honestly, you had expected him to be long gone from this town by now, he was always so gifted in the way he moved, you thought for sure he could have gone into a career in dancing.

Still, it was nice to see him after so long, when you graduated high school you tried to keep in contact but the distance eventually fizzled the friendship out. You had always felt bad for never getting in touch with Hobi, you were good friends by the time high school ended. But here he was, sitting with you after closing time having tea and cookies.

“I cant believe your here Y/N, it's been so long since I've seen you!”

Hobi took a bite of his cookie, smiling as he did, his smile hasn't changed, still as bright as the sun. You sipped your tea as he spoke.

“Have you been here long? I've only just come back from a vacation so I'm sorry I didn't know you were here, I would have been one of the first to see you if I did”

“No only three months or so, and it's OK Hobi, if anything I'm sorry I never stayed in contact with you, things have been a little difficult for me you know?”

“How so if you don't mind me asking?”

So you filled Hobi in on how you ended up back in your hometown, and how you're working through your feelings, he was sympathetic, but he didn't baby you or try to advise you on how to go about things.

“Anyway enough about myself, have you been here all this time? You never moved away or anything?”

Hobi laughed as he set his cup down, running his hand through his hair, he took out a business card out of his wallet. The gold embellished font against the crisp white background stood out beautifully.

` Fragrant Florals by Jung Hoseok. EST 1978 `

“ I went to college here, I still studied dance like I did in highschool, and my grandma gave me a part time job in the flower shop, when she passed, she left it to me. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do, but the shop has so many memories of my grandma you know?”

You remembered Hobi`s grandmother, she had owned that flower shop for over 30 years, and it was nice to know that Hobi stayed and kept it going. You haven't felt this at ease in a long time, it was as if you finally came home and was able to breathe again, and seeing Hobi again made you feel lighter than air.

“Come with me, I want to show you something”

Hobi had met you as you locked up the bakery for the night, you two had been catching up a lot in the past month, making up for lost time he would say. He would come and visit you on his lunch breaks, grab a coffee and some baked treat and shoot the breeze with you while you had no one to serve. Other times you would stop by his flower shop and bring him a coffee when he was busy. It was nice. You can't believe you let yourself fall out of contact with him.

But as much as you had been enjoying your life lately, you had noticed the negative thoughts starting to creep back into your mind. You would catch yourself thinking of all the ways you would mess everything up, that people will start getting bored of you. That Hobi would start getting bored of you… You wouldn't lie to yourself, You like Hobi. He was always a nice boy growing up, and he was a great guy now. But you knew your feelings for him were starting to become more than friends. And you were so scared about messing things up, that Hobi wouldn't want to be anything more than friends, that stopped you from admitting your real feelings for him.

“Where are we going?”

“Ahh, I'm not saying, you have to close your eyes.”

“Hobi were in the middle of a street, iI cant-”

“Trust me, your gonna love it Y/N”

Hobi flashed you a toothy grin, and covered your eyes with his hands, guiding you toward wherever it was he was taking you. You heard the cars passing by and the occasional person greeted you both. You came to a stop a little while after, as he kept your eyes closed with one hand he rummaged around for his keys, unlocking the door as a bell chimed upon opening it.

“Your shop? Hobi, I've been here a hundred times. Why do I need to keep my eyes closed…”

“Don't open them yet! I just need to get the lights…”

Letting out an airy laugh you kept your eyes closed, the shop had a variety of different smells, but overall smelt earthy, just like Hobi. You heard the click of a light switch, and you felt his presence in front of you. You felt his hands on your arms as he gently guided you to where he wanted you to be. He was so close to you.

Hobi smelled so good. His scent was a mix of fruity, woody hints, but also had hints of spices and earth, all his time tending to his plants and bouquets rubbing off on him in the best way.

“Ok, annnnd, open”

You opened your eyes, letting them get used to the light, and what you saw made you take a surprised breath.

He had taken you into the back of the shop, to his own little greenhouse, and turned it into your own little restaurant. In the centre of the greenhouse, surrounded by his many growing flora, was a small table set nicely with food cooling in dishes. Fairy lights hung above the table, shimmering like stars. Magical. You turned to Hobi with a small smile, his own smile a most bashful as he waited for your response.

“Wow, You did all this?”

“Well, this is a small town, not many places to go you know, I wanted to take us somewhere new, so I thought, why now make somewhere new”

He looked at you with such a fondness, you felt your heart flutter slightly.

“But, I also wanted to take you somewhere that's not crowded, I know you've been feeling down again lately, I can tell. You fiddle with your hands when you start over thinking, I wanted, I wanted to make something special for you.”

You felt yourself well up slightly, his gesture had really touched your heart. He was too good for this world, too good for you. You couldn't contain your tears as they fell down your cheeks. You hugged Hobi as he let you cry onto his shoulder. His arm wrapped around you as he brought his other hand to rest in your hair. It was like something straight out of a romance movie. Made even more so by the tapping of rain that started against the windows.

“Hobi, you're amazing, you know?”

“Ah come on, I just thought you would like a surprise.”

“No, I mean it. You always know just what to do, your kind and caring, and you never make me feel bad about how I feel”

You raised your head to look at him, his eyes held so much care in them, his lips parted slightly, as if contemplating what to say, and looking into your eyes, he must have decided. His face came a little closer to yours, and in the softest of moments, he placed a light kiss to your forehead before resting his chin on top of your head. It was like thunder to you, sending a shiver down your spine. You breathed in his scent as your face nuzzled his neck slightly.

“I'm glad you like it Y/N, I don't want you to feel the way you do about yourself, I know it's hard for you. But I just wish you could see yourself how I see you. You're perfect to me, you always have been.”

“Since when are you this cheesy?”

“Hey cheesy is my forte, and if it makes you happy I'll keep being cheesy”

You shared a laugh, breaking apart from him ever so slightly to look at him again, his hand in your hair made its way to your cheek, his thumb wiping the remaining tears that streaked down your face.

Your mind, ever the interrupter, was screaming at you that this wouldn't last, that this is all a dream. But the thoughts were suddenly silent as Hobi placed his lips on yours, his kiss was soft and delicate, not wanting to overstep a boundary that he might have misread.

You had never felt more at ease. With a deep inhale, it was as if the weight of everything you felt had lifted from your heart, and it finally started to beat again.

You had first thought coming back to your childhood town was a huge step back for your life, but there, in a small flower shop. It was the start of something new, something that you would look back on when you feel yourself slipping into your dark thoughts as a moment that could ground you.

And Hobi, who would tell you everyday that you were worth your weight in gold to him.

#bangtanscenerycollab #bangtanscenery #ficswithluv #hyunglinenetwork #btsbookclub #armysource #bangtanarmynet #bts #bts fanfic #jung hoseok #hoseok #jung hoseok imagine #jung hoseok au #hobi x reader #hoseok x reader #flower shop au

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harryandhishook · 4 years

Text

Thanksgiving Secrets

Fandom: Dream Daddy

Pairing: Background Hugo x Damien

Setting: Maple Bay

Warning: Erm … Coming out? Swearing? I have no idea

Summary: After going to College, Lucien is invited for Thanksgiving with his Dad, Hugo and Ernest, however, Ernest hasn’t been his normal self and some secrets are revealed

Words: 4059

Requested: Nope, I wrote this last November in a book on a coach coming back from Walk Disney World Florida

Side note: Before I give my apologies, I AM A TRANS MAN, if anything in here sounds off or doesn’t sound like how you expect a coming out story is, just remember, everyone’s coming out story is different and I tried to do this the best I can.

Also I am so so sorry, I know I haven’t uploaded in ages and I know there is no excuse but University is a bitch, my mental health is not good and my Grandmother (Who raised me) is pushing me to my limit and I’m so close to cutting contact with her. Sorry to unload all that to you but I’m trying my hardest to keep myself together and not just quit everything.

Here, have a cute Gif of Damien stroking a cat :) And sorry for any errors in the writing, it’s long and I still don’t have anyone to read my stuff over for me :(

Growing up wasn’t as bad as people thought it was, it just … sucked. When people aged, they found their soulmates, got jobs, leave to see the world, people grow up in body and mind.

It was around the time that Lucien was in his final year of Highschool when his Dad and Hugo finally confessed their feelings to each other and became a thing, Ernest was still young and very much acting out.

Lucien was the quickest to accept it, he was a little hesitant at first seeing as it was just him and Damien through his entire life and his Dad wasn’t exactly a stereotypical person, he may not act like it but when it comes to his Father, he is crazy protective over him and well, he didn’t want to let him get hurt, however, over time, he realised just how much the two Cul-De-Sac Fathers loved each other.

Ernest on the other hand, he couldn’t bring himself to accept the fact that his Father was dating, he couldn’t accept that he could one day have a Stepbrother, he just couldn’t accept any of it. The boy did everything to try and stop it, he acted out even more than usual, tried to split them up, he did whatever he could think of but no matter what, Damien would always treat him like he was his own son.

Now, a few years down the line, Lucien decided to prove every one of his disapproving teachers wrong and leave for College, all the while Ernest was stuck in his final year of Highschool, now, the pyromaniac delinquent was still one of his biggest features, something he was still well known as but the young Vega boy was actually a lot calmer than before and actually tried his hardest to settle down.

Damien and Hugo knew that Ernest never really had much of a problem with telling someone, even if it was through anger, how he felt and both Fathers had come to think that maybe the boy had completely reformed himself, figuring himself out, growing up from the mischievous boy they had watch destroy himself with hate and they both hoped that the boy would stay that way.

This year, the family decided to host Thanksgiving together, Lucien agreeing to travel down and stay for two weeks with them all while Damien tried to get as much time as he could from work for his Son. Luckily for Hugo and Ernest, the school boiler had decided to explode quite abruptly, leaving almost the entirety of the upper school, Hugo and Ernest area, flooded, giving them both the opportunity to stay at home for longer.

The day Lucien arrived home, he two Dad decided to meet him at the bus station, they had asked Ernest who had politely refused which was not much of a surprise to them, he barely left his room recently, he didn’t say why but they expected it may have possibly been school work.

When they had arrived at the station and greeted Lucien very happily, they had both shrugged off his question of, ‘where’s the brat?’, stating that he was busy and found it difficult to put his stuff down, not wanting him to worry too much when he had only just got there.

When Lucien got to the house, he was more than happy to wave at all his old neighbours with a wide smile on his face, anyone from a mile away could tell he had missed Maple Bay. It took almost an hour before the emo was able to walk through the door, not only did he need help with bags, his neighbours that he had waved to, mainly Mary, Joseph and Brian, had taken it upon themselves to bombard him with questions … okay, mainly Joseph and Brian, Mary was just happy to see the little monster again.

Finally, Lucien was in the clear, bags in the hall, coat and shoes off, placed neatly in their respective places while Damien rushed off to make them all something special to eat that night. The bo-young adult moved through his old home without so much as looking where he was going, all perfectly memorised until he reached the room that he never really needed to go into, the room that was never used into recently, Ernest’s room.

With a soft knock, Lucien waited, he knew that even with Ernest being older and probably not bothered by the emos presence, he still needed privacy,

“Who is it?” came a quiet and tired sounding voice, to anyone outside of the family, they would have thought someone else had spoken but Lucien could recognise the little shits voice better than anyone,

“Oi, dickhead, you gonna open up for your favourite brother or not?” Lucien playfully replied, hoping his usual attitude and joking ways could coax Ernest out of his little hiding mood. It took a few moments but soon enough, the door creaked open, revealing a tired looking and very messy looking Ernest, his hair was a mess, his clothes looked like they hadn’t seen a washing machine in years from how crumpled and wrinkly they were and finally, even if the boy thought no one could see, Lucien wasn’t so easily fooled as to not see the dried tears staining his cheeks,

“Ernest, man, what happened?” the emo asked, pushing them both into the room so he could block out everyone else once the door was shut, “You look like shit, when was the last time you had a shower? What the hell happened to you dude?” he asked, well, more demanded to know as he continued to push the younger boy into the room, sitting him on the bed before shuffling around the piles of clothes and trash, picking up the laundry to move out into the hamper before picking up every single piece of rubbish and crap left on the floor,

“Nothings wrong, Luce, I’m fine, I’ve just been busy, you know how it is, final year of school and all that” Ernest protested, trying his hardest to sound normal but failing miserably to convince his best friend and brother,

“Yeah, bullshit, if you’re so busy with work then I’m the straightest man alive, you’re lies ain’t gonna work on me so either you tell me what’s going on or have a shower, you smell like death so pick one or the other” Lucien demanded sternly, giving him a pretty simple choice, now to see if Ernest would actually pick one.

Luck would have it, Ernest grumpily rolled himself from the bed and made his way begrudgingly to the bathroom that was opposite the boys room, causing the emo to smile in relief.

As the sound f the shower filled the hall and the grumbles of annoyance hit the older siblings ears, Lucien made his way downstairs, large bag of trash in one hand and the hamper in the other. The little chore was meant to go smoothly … if his dads weren’t being stupidly lovey dovey in he kitchen, at least he got to see both adults become exceedingly embarrassed at being caught, however, that changed to shock when they spotted that the rebellious emo they had grown to love was cleaning in the first few minutes of staying in the house,

“It’s not what it looks like, Ernests room was a mess so I cleaned his room while he’s taking a well needed shower” Lucien explained as he put the bag of trash by the back door, “O know there is something wrong with him and I’m going to try get it out of him … whether he likes it or not” the boy stated as he moved into the adjacent room to start the new load of laundry, he was so busy he hadn’t even noticed his parents enter the room after him,

“My darling, we didn’t want you to worry, Ernest has been acting quite peculiar as of late, normally we can easily piece together his dilemma but … as you saw, he hasn’t left his room in quite some time” Damien explained as they stood in the doorway, watching the emo boy start the washer before turning to look at the two men, he was about to speak when Hugo interrupted him,

“I don’t want to lose Ernest, not when I’ve just managed to get him to call me dad again” the eldest Vega whispered, sighing as the Victorian beside him gently laced their fingers together, “Lucien please try and get him to open up to us” years ago, Lucien would tell his parents to do it themselves but from the looks on his dads faces, it was out of their hands and unsurprisingly up to him,

“Fine but only because I love you both” the emo chuckled, walking in between them to escape the little room, “Anyway, who can resist my puppy dog eyes” Lucien smirked before pointing at Damien, “and one of Dads famous movie pamper nights” he finished as he vanished back upstairs,

“Damien, what is he talking about?” the teacher asked, absolutely confused but also very intrigued. Hugo turned his gaze to the side only to come face to face with a very ecstatic man next to him,

“It’s been so long, I will need many supplies, first, I’ll need to find a good movie, maybe comedy, oh how this brings back so many memories” the Victorian man rambled as he scurried about the rooms, writing a very long list, “this will surely help Ernest, why did I not think of this” he muttered before handing the list to the other man in the room, “I will need you to run to Walmart for all these things, also get some of those pizza rolls that Ernest loves so much, thank you” he instructed before also disappearing off upstairs, leaving a baffled Hugo still stood in the laundry room now holding a long list of junk food … way too much junk food.

Nightfall came, the living room had been transformed into what looked like a teenage girls slumber party; junk food, movies, nail kits, make up, face masks, everything a slumber party needed.

Hugo had been told he could enter if and only if he let someone do one little bit of pampering on him, to which the teacher quickly excused himself with the explanation of ‘papers to complete’, leaving Damien to sit in his very baggy and very comfortable … okay, maybe not his clothes but the wrestling shirts he ‘borrowed’ from Hugo looked so cute on him. Lucien sat beside him in some of his least emo pyjamas anyone had ever seen on the boy since they were covered in Mickey Mouse heads but who’s judging.

Soon, once the room was competed, Lucien hurried upstairs, knocking gently on the large door of Ernest's room to get his attention,

“Bitch, I need you to do two things, one, find some comfy clothes and two, come downstairs” the emo shouted through the door before waiting for a response which amazingly didn’t take as long as the door opened to reveal a grouchy looking mess,

“What are you trying to do, Goth?” Ernest mumbled, obviously trying to joke around even thought Lucien could tell he felt like absolute shit,

“It’s emo and I’m not trying to do anything, all I want to do is to try and help you feel better” Lucien explained before realising he was just going to have to reveal what was downstairs, “Me and Dad were talking and I found out that you like to sit and talk to him so, me, you and my Dad are going to sit downstairs, eat junk food and watch movies … sound good?” he asked, hoping it was going to work.

Lucien realised it definitely did when Ernest held up a single finger, closing the door in the emos face before appearing once again moments later in very baggy yet comfortable clothing,

“Well then, come on, I don’t have all day” Ernest grumbled, a small smile gracing his exhausted face as he obviously tried to crack another joke with his stepbrother. Slowly, he made his way down the grand staircase to the living room where Damien was waiting happily,

“Ernest, my dead, come sit” he said giddily, patting the stack of pillows and duvets beside him, allowing Ernest enough space to sit comfortably as he pressed play on the movie, one of Ernest's and Damien's guilty pleasures, Descendants,

“Descendants, junk food and being lazy … you trying to butter me up, pops?” Ernest chuckled weakly as he sat down, getting himself comfortable between his family, he knew exactly what they were doing for him but maybe a little treat wouldn’t be too bad to indulge in.

A few hours, three descendants films and a lot of pampering later, the three of them were laid back, heads rested against the sofa as they spoke, Lucien's nails were drying, Damien had a face mask on and Ernest was staring, his ears were almost deaf to the world around him as the other two people in the room chatted away but he couldn’t bring himself to look away and join in, his gaze couldn’t move from the one thing in the room that haven’t been touched, the make-up. The young boy was silent, burning holes into the bag of brushes and surprises, until,

“Pops…” A meek whisper but was caught by the man it was directed to, causing the two to stop talking and sit up, removing the cucumbers from over his eyes,

“Yes my dear?” Damien asked as he watched the young boy slowly turn his gaze over to his,

“I’ve heard that … well, some girls at my school have said that …” the boy stuttered, trying to think of the best way to describe his strange request but he couldn’t, making the boy sigh and ask, “Can it feel good to put on make-up?” he finally asked, trying not to make eye contact.

Damien's eyes widened a little, out of everything he had prepared himself to answer, that wasn’t one of them,

“Well, it can, especially the brushes, the make-up itself can feel strange though” Damien answered before reaching over to the table the bag was laid, bring it over to them.

Ernest sat silently, watching him reach inside and pull out a large fluffy brush, leaning over and carefully sliding it across the boys cheek, earning a soft sigh of joy,

“Would you like me to put some on you?” the Victorian man asked as he rummaged through the seemingly bigger on the inside bag, revealing a few different contraptions and what looked like small torture devices. With a small, timid nod, the young Vega answered,

“Y-Yes please … if it’s not too weird” Ernest whispered, shuffling closer to Damien, all the while, Lucien watched with a happy smile, he knew this is exactly what his brother needed, maybe not just to relax but it was a relief to watch Ernest finally calm,

“Let’s get started then and don’t worry dear, I have the perfect colours for you … I may have possibly convinced your Father to do this once too” Damien chuckled softly, reminiscing as he grabbed the correct pieces he needed. Ernest closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he felt a cool liquid and soft brush move over his skin.

A while later and make-up flung everywhere, Damien sat back to admire his work as Ernest scrunched his face a little to get used to this new and very strange feeling of stuff covering his face,

“You look absolutely darling, it suits you” the Victorian said as he started to tidy the make-up away just as the grandfather clock behind then chimed midnight, “Oh dear, it is quite late and I need to start preparing food tomorrow, well, I guess I best wash this stuff off of my face and retire to bed, you boys can stay up a little longer if you wish, as long as you don’t make too much noise” Damien said as he slowly stood, stretching himself out before kissing both boys on the top of their heads, bidding them a good night.

Lucien continued to watch his Father head upstairs to his room before turning back to Ernest once he was no longer in sight but stopped at the scene before him,

“Ernest? What wrong?” he asked concerned, in front of him was Ernest, a boy well known for setting fire to the bushes outside his Fathers home, holding a mirror and sobbing into his hand, “Ernest, it’s okay, you can talk to me, what happening to you?”

As Ernest turned his head to look at the boy beside him, Lucien noticed the slight little wrinkles on the edge of his eyes, the same wrinkles his own Father got, which was all he needed to know exactly what was going through his brothers head and no matter what, he was going to show him just how much he still loved him through it all.

A few days went by, Lucien and Ernest had barely been in the house which, even if they wouldn’t admit it out loud, made both parents happy but also quite concerned for their sons whenever Lucien shrugged them off with quick reassurance of, ‘They’ll tell you on Thanksgiving, don’t worry dads’, before quickly running which wasn’t what the two men were hoping to hear but it seemed to ease both their minds for a while, at least until Hugo restarted his usual pacing around the kitchen as Damien cooked.

The night came quickly, Thanksgiving, the food was almost complete, the house smelt of perfectly roasted vegetables and mouth-watering deserts, the table decorated to Damien's specifications while Hugo was banished to sit and wait at the table, only problem was, two people were still missing, however, not too far away as just upstairs behind a single locked door were their pair of siblings, whispering cautiously,

“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea” the young Vega questioned, obviously having a few seconds thought as they allowed Lucien to work his magic,

“It is a good idea … look, Dad and Pops aren’t going to hate you, they never could, they love you too much and anyway, I think your forgetting one vital thing and probably one of the biggest elephants in this house” Lucius argued, brushing through his siblings now unknotted hair, trying and praying to whatever deity out there to get it to style as the other sat quietly,

“And what’s that exactly?” they asked, watching in the mirror cautiously as Lucien spoke up with a soft chuckle,

“Damien” he placed the brush down as he expertly braided the surprisingly long hair in front of him and for the first time in months, the youngest Vega laughed,

Not too long later, Dinner was called, Hugo and Damien waited patiently in their respective seats just as footsteps descended the stairs but only a single pair of footsteps approaching the dining room. Both men turned curiously to see Lucien standing in the doorway but no one else,

“Lucien, where’s Ernest?” Hugo asked, seemingly becoming annoyed as well as worried over the whereabouts of his son,

“About that…” Lucien started, turning his gaze into the hall for a moment before quickly moving back to the stares of his parents, “Ernest won’t be joining us tonight … or ever again …” the young emo explained, quickly realising a long pause wouldn’t be the best option as he quickly stopped either one of his Fathers could protest, stepping further into the room, “Because someone new will be taking Ernest's place” just as he finished speaking, a tall figure walked into the room beside him, a long, tight fitting, pale orange cocktail dress swept the floor behind the person as their long braided hair lay over a single exposed shoulder.

The light of the room hit the persons face, capturing the perfectly applied make-up that sculpted their features beautifully and it was then they realised,

“Ernest?” they both asked, quite bewildered, watching the young Vega nervousness build up which did not go unnoticed by Lucien,

“Actually, may I introduce our newest addition to the Vega-Bloodmarch Family, Emily, Emily Dickinson Vega, my sister” he announced, wrapping a supportive arm around his sibling to give them some encouragement, “If it’s okay with her Fathers, she would very much like to join us for dinner?” Lucien asked softly, smile on his face as he waited for their parent’s reactions.

Unsurprising to Lucien, Damien was the first to move, wasting no time in in pushing his chair out from under himself to embrace his daughter,

“Oh, my dear, of course you can join us for dinner and for any other meals you want to” he whispered through tears he didn’t even know were running down his face, “now I understand the make-up, I’m sorry I didn’t see the signs sooner, I never wanted you to feel scared to be who you are” he whispered, the scene in the Bloodmarch home was one to remember when Emily wrapped her arms around his step-father, holding onto him as if their lives depended on it, however, there was still only one other person they needed to complete this little family moment, Hugo.

Everyone slowly turned their heads to see the larger man carefully rising from his seat, moving around the ornate furniture to move closer to where his child stood, arms back by her side as she stood tall and strong,

“Dad, I know this is sudden but I’ve been hiding for so long, I didn’t know who I was but I saw Damien doing so many things that made me think, he showed me how happy he was, I saw the life of someone who was truly happy, all this” she gestured to herself as she continued, “made me realize who I really am and I’m sorry for not being able to tell you sooner … I know I ruined your life for years with all the stupid shit I did but all the stupid thoughts in my head, I was scared, alone, I-“ her rambling was cut short when a pair of quite muscular arms pulled her forward and into a tight but comforting embrace,

“You are my child, my flesh and blood, you are everything to me and I love you, never forget that, no matter who you are, you are a Vega” he reassured, whispering just loud enough for Damien and Lucien to hear the loving exchange of words as they both smiled proudly.

Soon enough, two smaller arms snaked their way around Hugo as a small sob echoed in the large room causing any existing space in the embrace to disappear as it tightened,

“I was so scared you would hate me, I was meant to be your son, the man of the hous-“ her hurtful words were stopped as she was carefully pushed backwards, a hand laid gently on her cheek, forcing her to blurrily look up at a smiling Hugo,

“You have always been my daughter, even if we didn’t know that until now, you were and always will be my baby girl” he explained, his voice soothing any doubt the young Vega had before the wrestling nerd added just one more sentence, “And I think being married to Damien is an automatic law that I accept whatever part of the LGBT you realise you’re apart of … I think I’d be a bit hypocritical if I didn’t accept you as my daughter” the taller man finished and after a few moments of silence, the room filled with giggles from the man in question,

“Your Fathers right” Damien managed to say through soft giggles, “Excuse my French but … I’d kick his ass if he didn’t” he smirked before quickly pushing the three of them towards the table, “Now, if you children, yes, I’m also talking about you too Hugo, don’t get to the table to eat, the food will go cold and I’ll lock the refrigerator as punishment” the Victorian man threatened as the Family rolled their eyes but obediently followed his orders, spending the rest of the night laughing, talking and finally, for the first time in a while, being a family.

#Dream Daddy #Maple Bay #Damien #Damien Bloodmarch #Hugo #Hugo Vega #Hugo x Damien #Damien x Hugo #VegaMarch #Lucien #Lucien Bloodmarch #Ernest #Ernest Vega #LGBT #Trans #Transgender #Trans Woman

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spit-out-the-dust · 3 years

Text

Timeline.

I wanted to come up with a great title as though I were writing a book. When I wrote down the homework “Create a timeline of your sexuality” I did not want to do just a basic timeline because for one: I am a dusty writer (dusty meaning it’s been years since I have actually wrote anything.) for two: I can’t heal if I don’t get it all down.

I would start with Once Upon A Time: but instead I’ll start with what I remember.

Third grade. I remember in the third grade I was sitting in class and I was masturbating. Obviously I didn’t know that this is what I was doing, and it wasn’t the “fingering myself” kind of self pleasure it was this rocking motion that I did with my legs that always gave me this sensational pleasure that I loved. I did this often. Very often. I remember making eye contact with the teacher and in my mind I thought I could do it slowly and she wouldn’t notice. I don’t really know if she noticed or not because I don’t remember her saying anything or stopping me.

A lot of my childhood during that time is a blur to me. I know I need therapy. I know there are dark moments that my mind has blocked out. But since we are doing the timeline I will stick with how the timeline works and we will come back to some of the dark times.

Fifth grade I come home. There are images all over the house of naked women. Everywhere. My mother is crying and she makes me leave the house. I go to the neighbor’s house. I’ve no idea what is going on. I have no idea why there are naked women all over my house.

I’m in middle school. I remember being so awkward. I truly believed I was so ugly. He wasn’t my real dad but he was what I knew as my dad. He was their dad and I just accepted him as mine because he was all I ever knew. His name was Scott. Sixth grade. I remember him making fun of my breasts. “you don’t need a bra you just need a band aid” he always made comments about my body. He would tell me I needed makeup. That I wasn’t pretty without it. He made me do weird things. give him body massages. listen to him as he cried about my mother leaving him. Listen to him about her affair. Everyone at school was experimenting. I remember Jamie came back to school and had mentioned getting “fingered” by Thomas. Sixth grade. I was disgusted by this. I did not want anyone to hug me let alone “finger” me. I had a couple of boyfriends in middle school but they would want to kiss me and I was very uncomfortable with that so I did not keep boyfriends.

My step dad does come into the picture. He is nice to me but there is still so much that makes me uncomfortable with him trying to love on me like hugs... I don’t trust him. at all. I see that he is good to mom but there is still so much toxicity and I don’t like being touched, at all.

Highschool. I still had not started my period. I still did not feel like a woman. I still masturbated all the time. I did not want my mom to know or anyone, I was very ashamed and embarrassed because I did not know why my body loved it so much and why I felt so good afterwards. I was finally allowed to wear more makeup and I hid behind mascara mostly. Scott continued to tell me I was ugly. He doted on Loren, a lot. I was so jealous of her because she was the favorite. I now realize what was happening but at the time I just felt worthless and ugly.

Sixteen years old. I got my first real boyfriend. I say real because I finally let a boy kiss me. I had started my period and decided I would never have sex because it hurt so bad putting a tampon in. I really liked this boy and for once felt beautiful. He even made me feel beautiful without makeup. I thought for sure I had finally found something in my life that made sense. He didn’t make fun of my body. I let him get past second base at a football field. Two cops on horses caught us and thought we were having sex, we weren’t. But I finally figured out why girls liked that fingering thing so much.

College. This was completely new for me. I had pretty much started blocking my family out. My sister was having bad dreams all the time. she started sleeping in my bed because she couldn’t stay in her room. She talked about a shadow at the end of her bed. There was a lot of chaos in the family because she was a lesbian and my mother would not accept it. No one really worried about me so I was not paid a lot of attention to which I didn’t mind because I was “in love” and happy.

Nineteen years old. I finally did it. I fully gave myself away to the man who I was convinced I was going to marry. Growing up in a baptist church I was told that if I had sex before marriage I was basically nothing more than a whore. I really wanted to be better than the horrible stories my mother told me about when she slept with every guy she knew in highschool. it made sense though because I was beautiful to him and he loved me so I gave myself to him. We had been together for awhile now. It made sense.

End of freshman year of college. found out at some point that my “true love” had been cheating on me. All of the confidence I had built up in myself, completely and utterly shattered. He then got married a few short months later and I don’t know what happened but I lost myself. Or maybe I found myself. All I know is that I started having sex regularly, starting with his bestfriend. My friends were turning to liquor and marijuana and mushrooms and all I wanted was sex. I went from never wanting anyone to touch me to putting myself into situations where I didn’t even want to sleep with the person but I felt like if I didn’t I would be a tease. My sexuality was found in my body completely. twenty years old. I have somehow developed curves. Nothing major, but my ass is huge now and I’m getting a lot of attention. I find my sexuality completely and totally in my body and the control I can have with it. Guys who made fun of me in highschool were showing up at college parties wanting to dance and wanting to bring me home. I felt in control because of this. I was being noticed. I found myself in them noticing me. I dressed the part and even pretended to be someone I wasn’t. I didn’t stare for long in mirrors. But I was accepted by everyone else.

I finally had a night that snapped me awake. He tried to rape me and I was able to get to my phone and send out a text to a good friend who showed up. I remember falling on the concrete and crying. She brought me inside her dorm and I slept for almost three days straight. I didn’t want to be this person anymore.

I got a phone call. My sister had finally opened up that Scott had been sexually abusing her. she needed therapy. she started therapy and the therapist told her that if she unlocked everything within her mind she might not recover. But she had already remembered. She told me, a lot. My mother told me she was crazy and it wasn’t true. I buried myself into school and continued to push my family away because it was too much. I was so selfish. I was so lost

I met him. He was so incredibly toxic. an alcoholic. a cheater. an abuser. but it just made sense. his son was perfect and I had found my calling with children. I needed to save them. This will come to make sense later.

I fell in love with his son and decided I could fix him and make it work. That he was just broken like me and I was better at hiding my brokenness than he was. So I made all the excuses. He also cheated a few times. Couldn’t prove it but it was there. the other women. I never added up. Probably because without makeup I’m a twelve year old boy. not pretty. The words of Scott always flashing before my eyes. His words never making me feel anything other than just enjoyable in bed.

I start to volunteer with abused and battered children. I volunteer with a lot but there is something within the training of this particular place I volunteered at where things start to make sense. My brain starts to realize that everything with Loren growing up makes a little more sense. Me masturbating so young makes a little more sense. I try to talk to mom and she shuts me down. So I bury it. Knowing that someone in my life hurt me as a child, I can feel it. I know this is true. I know what Loren is saying is true.

Dillon starts to have bad anger issues and gets in trouble with law enforcement. His anger is so bad.

I graduate. I’m pregnant, which is a miracle, my doctor had told me I couldn’t ever carry full term and the likelihood of having a kid was pretty non existent.

But I have her. I get married. I start my job as a foster care worker right out of college. eight months pregnant.

I marry for all the wrong reasons but I had stopped believing in “true love” because mine was never real in my head and I just really wanted to save this man and his son so that my daughter could have a dad. Something I never fully had, and when I did have it it wasn’t healthy because something was clearly wrong with me.

The marriage is awful. We work different shifts. I feel so ugly all the time. We stop having sex completely. I’m not feeling sexy. I’m tired all the time. work is so much. I get involved with a multi level marketing business. They fill me up with positivity and for me I think maybe this is what I’m missing. I meet a man in Johnson City who says things to me that I haven’t heard since I was sixteen. I feel beautiful again. I fall into that trap. I have a full on affair. my mentors in my life find out and step in. I am made to feel completely awful. Like I am nothing but a harlot. They tell me I have to fix my marriage and that everything that i complain about with him it’s really me that needs to be fixed. I completely believe this and for two years I feel like I’m worthless and I have completely destroyed my life. I read books. SO MANY BOOKS. I find Jesus again. Baptism. I completely fix myself. So I think. I’m still miserable. He still makes me feel like I’m nothing. Not beautiful. Nothing.

I decide I don’t want to do foster care anymore. I want to be an investigator. I want to fully save children.

I start my training and that is when it happens.

I’m sitting in class and I black out.

I remember more. I am four, maybe five years old. I’m sitting on the cold floor and I’m crying. I can hear them snoring in the bed. He had just finished being in my room. he had just finished with me. I remember me and loren and dillon in the bedroom. Touching each other. I remember him walking in and catching us. He said nothing. Did nothing. I remember Loren having her bad dreams and him coming into our bedroom. I remember him making them sleep in the bed with him. It comes flooding over me.

I try to talk to him about it. he tells me I’m messed up. I need help. I’m not ready for therapy yet. I’m not ready for help. I start reading. watching documentaries. podcasts. I realize now why I’m saving children. I realize now that I’m saving the children where I couldn’t save them. I realize now that some children block it out. Their brain doesn’t want the trauma so subconsciously it blocks out the pain. Mine is completely blocked out. I call Loren and Dillon and ask them to sit down and talk about things. Dillon won’t. He isn’t ready. Loren comes. it’s bad. She remembers so much and then I am able to fill in some pieces as well.

I call mom and she finally tells me so much. So much fucked up shit. His mom walking in on him in the shower talking about his dick. Him masturbating all over the house and mom finding random socks and tissues with cum all over the house. She told me I was masturbating as early as three years old. That my grandmother had walked in on him naked with me. But that mom took me to the doctor and he saw no concerns and so she put it out of her mind. She didn’t know that doctors cannot always tell if a child has been sexually abused because not every child is penetrated and even the ones who are they can heal so quickly.... she didn’t know any better and yet I am so angry because I feel as though she should have. She tells me about the weird pictures he would take of me. She tells me about the things he used to say to her. She tells me about how sick he was in the bedroom and not like the rough choking sex I like or wanting to be bit so hard that marks are left.... but stuff that should have been a sign to her that he was not right in the head.

So much fucked up stuff and my head is killing me. I’m so mad. I’m at sonic in my car and I am yelling at her and blaming her because she knew how fucked up he was and she let him be around us. I’m mad because it’s her fault that we were abused.

I shut down completely. I can’t have sex. I can’t be touched. I dive into work so much. I have to save them all. I have to make up for all the times I turned my back on Loren and just believed she wanted attention. I have to make up for all the times I was so jealous because she was the “special child” she was the “pretty one” she was the “favorite” she was the one always being “doted on” I’m sick to my stomach now because I realize it ALL. I know why she started dressing like a boy. I know why she stopped shaving and wanted to look like a boy.... she just wanted him to stop. She blamed herself and wanted him to stop noticing her. she wanted to be invisible. I am losing myself in my thoughts and my job and just being a good mom. I have to be the best mom ever i can’t ever allow my children to see such pain... So much that I don’t notice that he starts talking to another girl. I ask him if he wants a divorce. He tells me he does. He tells me that he has so much resentment built up towards me because I want to change the world and he doesn’t care about anything or anyone and that I make him feel like a bad person. He tells me I care more about the children at work than I do him and he is envious of my love for children and our children. So we split up. I refuse to change. I’m crying on the bathroom floor. He walks in and shakes his head. He leaves.

I am once again naive. I seek comfort in the arms of another man. a married one. one who I was told was going through what I was. he pretended to care about the trauma. Even spoke to the DA about prosecution even after all of these years. I fell in love. I felt beautiful again and I felt like someone understood what I was going through. Someone didn’t think I was damaged but stated that my scars made me who I was and I was beautiful. I find that I would do anything for him. I had never put a man as such a priority. But it doesn’t last. he goes back because he wasn’t honest. with me or her. I realize that my judgement in people is fucked up. bad. I realize that I can’t make good decisions.

I once again feel like I am nothing. I have no good judgement in love. in relationships at all. I’m not truly beautiful. I’m just a good time for people. I do it to myself. It is all my fault. I’m broken. I’m bruised. So I find my sexuality in that. I am just a good time for people, like I was in college. Just a nice piece of ass.

The divorce is really happening. I’m completely made to believe that I am broken and the problem. No one will ever put up with me. No one will ever love me.

I get a facebook message. He invites me over and in my mind I’m just going to go back to that time in college. I just need sex. I need to feel wanted and needed and desired. We have sex. The next day though he wants me to stay. he wants to spend time with me. This wasn’t supposed to happen but I just go along with it.

The divorce finalizes. He tells me he has decided I’m pretty without make up and he wants me back. I ask him why he married me. He tells me it was the blow jobs. Once again nothing more than just sex.

So I show up after the facebook message. He tells me he wants to take things slow. Of course my mind is toxic and so I think this means he just wants to use me for sex, because that’s all I’m good for anyways. I’m not actually pretty, my body is great because the yoga and the running from where work fucks with my mind has paid off... but I’m fucked up mentally and no one truly will want to stick through it... The sex is good and this is all I am. I am good for nothing but sex. I cannot be a real thing for anyone because I am fucked up. I’m a mess.

As time goes on he is kind to me. He calls me beautiful all the time. always compliments me. for more than just my looks though. He notices things I have never even noticed. I’m passionate. I’m caring. I’m persistent. I’m not messed up. My bruises and my brokenness actually have made me better. I can truly relate to these children and they know. So they tell me. They open up. They tell me about their demons because they see my own demons in my eyes.

He accepts me for me. He makes me communicate and open up. He doesn’t just let me walk away. I tried. I keep thinking it’s too good to be true. It’s been fourteen months. Can someone actually be this good? This kind? I still have nightmares. I don’t sleep well. I have hit him during a bad dream. I get scared. I have black outs. I need therapy. we both know this. I just haven’t made the time. but he is so patient.

My sexuality timeline has always been in the hands of someone else. I was told by someone who pretended to be my father that my sexuality was in my makeup, was in my body, and he took away my innocence to where I was ashamed and did not want anyone to touch me but I also loved the way getting off felt and I was ashamed of that.... because of him.

I then found my sexuality in another man. Who built me up and cheated and I lost it all again. My sexuality has been in makeup. relationships.... my trauma.... having sex.... having rough sex and wondering why I like pain so much and then realizing that I will like any and everything I can to just simply feel alive and desired in that moment of intimacy because I can’t slow down long enough to capture what real intimacy means and I’m afraid to be that open and it isn’t just a cute facebook meme, I actually choke up and start shaking when being open is an option. I shut down. I cry in showers. I hyperventilate. It is all very real even though I say I don’t let it consume me, it has.

all the psychology books explains why I am the way I am in so many ways. I understand why everything happened the way it did with my sister. she has tried alcohol. drugs... everything to block out the pain. I have blocked it out with sex and work. Saving as many kids as I can. I’m not healed. I am still finding my sexuality in a man...only this time at least it is a good man. But I am determined to realize what my own sexuality is, without anyone else defining it for me. without my trauma defining it for me. I am taking those next steps.

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god-hunter · 4 years

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I’m Still Evolving. And I like it!

Hey Tumblr! It’s been a while.

I haven’t written in over a month, because honestly life’s been pretty similar lately. I’ve fallen into a steady routine of taking care of myself. Physical work outs have waned in place of working out mentally. And what I mean by that is, I’ve been continuing my Self-Work with my Diary Entries and just recently caught up to 2019. That was a Hell of a trip.

But I didn’t get on here to rant about that. Instead, I wanted to acknowledge the now, since for the past few weeks, it seems like all I’ve been doing is living in the past.

So, what’s been happening since mid-August, or whenever that last entry was?

Well, that date with the Social Distancer never happened. I was annoyed about that, but not enough to want to actually get into it on here. I didn’t really care too much and I still had Needy Girl coming over every week, so that was fine.

But yeah. In the time that I’ve been taking down my notes and taking my time to write out 2018, taking some healthy time in between and then doing the same process for 2019, I’ve basically been applying to jobs!

That Thursday Interview was garbage, actually. I was there for 5 minutes, because I didn't really know much about Excel and asked for too much. But whatever, no point in wasting anyone’s time. I wasn’t in love with the job description anyway.

I’ve been applying to all sorts of things, and honestly I’ve gone through the motions. Some days are better than others. Sometimes it seems like jobs are plentiful and it’s so easy to get an interview. Then other times it seems like the competition is just as steep as it ever was, and I’ve even gotten to the point where I’m not getting the jobs I Don’t want. So put that where you will...

But for now I don’t care about any of that, because I’m on an Upswing. I know that I’ll keep plugging away and find something eventually. Also, now that I’ve gotten a lot of that Self-Work out of the way, I really do feel Mentally, better. I’ve sort of, cleared the air for myself about the past. I’ve been honest with myself about my own mistakes, and.. I don’t want to say unforgiving of her errors, but definitely acknowledging them and kind of letting them go. Because now so much time has passed that the break up was actually 7 months ago! I stopped counting. That’s a Really good sign!!

I hit a drought when it came to ladies, but that recently opened itself back up. Someone actually swiped right on me on Tinder 3 weeks ago!!! This was a bigger girl, and not an immediate pick for me, but I said, “Why not?” And ya know what? It was a good choice. We’ve gone on 3 dates since then and we have a 4th one tonight. It turns out that we have more in common than I originally thought. She’s interesting, and for now it seems that we’re both in the same place about this. We want to keep it casual and just fun, while the rest of the world sucks.

Better details would be that we talked about 3 times on the app, about just movies and random interests. But then she threw me her number to keep texting while she had an overnight shift at work, and I dunno.. something just worked while we kept talking. Conversation was actually interesting and we agreed to have our first Zoom Date later that week.

That Zoom Date happened to be on a Thursday as well, when I took a great interview. I was there for an hour! This office building was impressive and a little intimidating. It was your typical movie scene with glass dividers between desk set ups, I was in this nice conference room surrounded by glass at the head of the table, while my interviewer was a Woman that was basically my age, at the other end of the table. But there’s no point in going into more details, because I didn’t get it. I did like this job position though. It was for a Client Coordinator and I would definitely like to do something like that in the future. Especially for the right pay. But anyway, it’s needless to say that I had something to talk about that night on the Zoom Date! So I broke the ice by talking all about the interview and we laughed about stuff. She was clearly very nervous, but I got to see her Cat, she saw mine. She did the inevitable Zoom Tour of the apartment. I didn’t really do one, because my place was a mess, but she didn’t ask either. It didn’t matter, because everything else was going very well. We got more comfortable as we brought things up and found out that we both like a lot of in-depth reviews on YouTube or just watching Let’s Plays or Video Game reviews. We even got into Dream Analysis and she talked about some real stuff without getting depressing. We’re definitely on the same liberal scope, which is refreshing. But she’s also not overtly political. We even talked about past hook ups gone wrong (started by her, not me) which is more of a friend thing, but still the conversation was very comfortable. We stayed up pretty late that night, but eventually said goodnight. We both knew we’d definitely do this in person which ended up the next week. The Zoom Date helped us skip steps. We didn’t meet for dinner or anything. Instead, we just took it straight to her place for Sushi and a YouTube party. We made out at the very end of the night. That was nice. She appreciated that I didn’t just go all in right away, but took time to actually hang out with her first. [That Sushi was delicious by the way.] Oh yeah, we’re into the same music which is SUCH a huge plus to me. Yeah.. we definitely have a little spark, which is nice. But after what I’ve been through. I really can’t jump into something so fast. And she is in full agreement with that too.

Our next in person date was at my place, where we basically did the same thing over Chinese. It was some YouTube reviews and watching this Comedy Challenge show that I’ve been telling her about since we started talking. She really loved it, so that was nice. We shared fruit and chocolate dip too, which was great. I like that she’s trying to behave (and frankly doing better than me) when it comes to eating, because health has become very important to me within the last 2 or 3 years.

Take tonight for instance. We’re going to have a big salad and charcuterie for dinner. (fancy cheese and meat plate) with wine. She also told me about this trippy movie that I saw last night on her suggestion and we’re looking forward to diving into the meaning of it and stuff. That’s the type of stuff that I’m really all about. Philosophical Musing and all of that. Oh yeah! She respects the Hell out of my Self-Work writing that I’ve told her about. At very first, she just admitted that she wished she wrote more, but the fact that she was a writer means that she still has it in her. She’s a thinker, and I like my Women who can be analytical about their Media or the World. It’s important. It’s interesting.

Just don’t over-analyze me, or us, or anything. (At least within reason).

So who knows? So far, so good.

There was more to say until yesterday, but I’ll bring this girl up too. An old Highschool Flame actually hit me up on FB. To keep the story way uncomplicated, we’ve basically known each other for 20 years, she’s an adjusted Single Mom now, so it’s clear she’s been through some shit, and I’ve clearly been through my own. So somehow on FB, we’ve been complimenting each other and I was the first to just message her a hello, which turned into walking on a trail and meeting her son very quickly.

I was tempted to write that day, but I wanted to see how it played out first. Well, that day not only did I get along great with the kid, but she whispered in his ear and he invited me to Pizza Lunch with them, which was adorable. He really liked me, actually sat in my lap and hugged me at the table.. It was sweet.

But we tried this again, just the 2 of us yesterday on a 2nd trail walk, and it was a no go. I’m skipping her random FB message saying, “This is gonna sound weird, but thank you for being the kind of male I can have around my son.” Hmmm. If I didn’t catch a vibe before, I certainly did, then.

But I was super cool about it. Set up a Friday hang out in time, and I was pleased to hear that it would just be us while her son was in school. This was the perfect time to feel the vibe and find out if this was just a friend thing or actually a date.

But again, I’ll keep it short. It was just a Friend Thing. I noticed 2 things. 1. She sighed when I said, “I swear, the weather is always like this when I go on a date.” She didn’t say anything, but that sigh, practically said it all. 2. She brought up other dudes.

From there, I admitted that I’ve been dating too, and she was all excited to hear about my stuff.

Then later, I brought up her message and said I wasn’t sure if there was a vibe or not. She didn’t say no, but... she did make it clear that things were getting serious with this one co-worker she was dating or whatever. And then she was back-pedaling and saying stuff like, “Wait. Let me just make sure it’s not getting weird.”

So yeah. This was just friends. And that’s fine, because she’s awesome! And so is her kid. And I’ve already got this casual thing that I like a lot.

I was upfront with old flame. I told her that I want to keep dating for the rest of the year. Keep meeting people and experiencing new personalities. And if things get serious along the way, sort them out as I may.

Our hang got cut off while she dove more into my old hang ups. [Someone told us to get out of the parking lot because it was private property...]. But either way, it was still a very fruitful hangout. And even though the rejection was disappointing, it wasn’t necessarily unexpected. Honestly, it would’ve been too out-of-nowhere, and even Reboundish. I’ve learned that if it feels too good to be true, it probably is.

But this is what it’s about! Keeping your eyes and heart open. I swiped on a bunch of people last night with no expectations. [When you treat it like a game, you’re less bound to get hurt.]. That one doesn’t merit explaining, but I just can’t stand how shallow and callous people are. So what’s the point in being invested at first look? Just swipe and see what happens. If you get the message, then you can start to feel things once they check those right boxes. But in order to find success in that, you gotta know what those boxes even are, right?

So anyway, yeah. I’m a lot more pragmatic about things. I’ve got a Tinder Girl now and things are going well. =)

I’m also still hanging out with Needy Girl, who I’m working on making less Needy. She really needs to sort out her shit and move on.

We had a whole talk about how she’s been mistaking hooking up for dating and I feel bad for her in a way, but there’s just something about her that doesn’t check all the boxes. Attraction is definitely part of it, but it’s mostly personality. She’s just not confident in herself enough. She’s hurt and super sensitive. She’s got this shy, cute, naive thing going for her on top of all of our shared interests. But that’s not enough. Especially with how she started things with me, making me the Other Man, and throwing in this Cheating Atmosphere.

I said it before, but that is not a good Foundation for a Relationship.

And again I’ve reiterated for her that I don’t really want a Relationship right now. At all!

So, Communication is Key. I’ve said it before with the Ex and even though she was in full agreement, somehow we let enough small things go that they turned into big things. Stuff that was swept under the rug became huge Resentment Issues later. So, fuck knows, man...

Alls I know is that things are very different now. And I like it that way. I’m still Evolving.

#rants #raves #life #job-hunting #dating #relationships #Social Distancer #Tinder Girl #old Flame #Needy Girl

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kitanoko · 5 years

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I wrote this for @selephi‘s birthday! ENJOY AND HOPE U LIKE THIS FRIEND!

In which Yaoyorozu walk Todoroki home

"You know you should be really grateful that ME...THE GREAT MINETA has come to mentor you. It's my pleasure by the way to teach you how to solve the most enigmatic mysteries of all time with my intelligence and perfect skills built upon years of experience."

Todoroki stuffed a piece of fried chicken drenched with mayo into his mouth and gurgled it down with the lager he had just ordered. Well, correction, he was given the beverage for free. "On the house" a giggling waitress had said, staring at him for a few seconds too long.

Mineta murmured a few profanities under his breath and continued.

"Were you even listening to me?" The teeny dwarf with purple curled hair stated a bit louder than previous. The energetic blues in the back covered his voice just a little. Huh, strange, Todoroki started thinking, Mineta's hair looked so much like jumbo grapes. The ones he missed from home so much since landing here in Japan.

Well he did see some famous Japanese ones at the supermarket near his temporary apartment but they were a bit pricey.

"Sure." He absentmindedly answered while reaching for a napkin. Mineta scowled at him and crossed his legs, lips pursed.

Todoroki had come here for work purposes. Originally from San Francisco, Todoroki came from a line of famous detectives and secret agents. His agency needed his help over in Kyoto and sent him over straight away without even asking him twice. Midoriya and Iida told him he'd definitely have fun over at their satellite office.

When the duo haired man had arrived, hair and clothes dishevelled, he found out the office in Kyoto only had a handful of employees, half of which got on his nerves. Mineta, a detective (if you could even call him that) who started out only recently at their firm already held 5 offences above his head, and here he was, sitting with him, telling Todoroki how much 'honour' he's bestowing upon him.

Ugh. Can this night get any worse.

To his right was a stoic man named Shouji and a boisterous one named Kirishima. They were also employees of the firm and Todoroki held respect for them both, especially the well-known 'Octa-man'.

"Well I'm glad you're here," Kirishima started, body slumping on the cracked leather seats, "Meeting THE 'Todoroki Shouto' is a once in a lifetime opportunity."

The man mentioned clinked Kirishima's glass and muttered a cheers before giving him a slight grin. "I think you give me too much credit, Kirishima."

"Oh no," Shouji commented, his tall figure took up a big part of the couch, leaning forward to project his voice better, "It really is a rarity. I think us 3 are grateful for you being here, if Aizawa didn't end up in the hospital last week, we wouldn't be in this predicament."

Aizawa was one of the firm's most well-respected managing agent, after 20 years of fighting and solving crime, he took the duty of leading a starting team out in Asia, Kyoto being one of APAC's main operating offices. Apparently he was 'getting old' he said, slipped off a four story building while in a chase and lost the criminal. Got gifted with two broken ribs and a broken hip.

Kirishima sent Todoroki a wide smile that cut his face in half, scruffling his hair which was even more red than his own, with one hand and interjected.

"Teach me all your manly ways my bro! I'm ready to fight alongside you whenever that son of a bitch shows up!"

Todoroki nodded in agreement. The sooner he catches the criminal that Aizawa had let slip out of his grasp the sooner he'd be able to fly back home.

Although, hanging out with these guys weren't so bad. Except for Mineta, who was now oogling some girl at the far corner of the bar. It disgusted him how disrespectful he was acting, let alone being an agent who worked under the same roof as him.

Todoroki finished his fifth swig of beer and casually swiped the vodka under Kirishima. He emptied it in one go and with a swipe of his right hand, dried the lingering bit of alcohol on his chapped lips.

"Think I'll go," the fire and ice user spoke, using Shouji's shoulder as a support. He stood up, and grumbled, a faint dizzy spell had him sway a bit. What was in that vodka?

His friends to his left looked worried with Kirishima knitting his brows in concern.

"You want me to come with you man?"

Todoroki shook his head vehemently. Loosening his tie in a quick left and right motion, he flung a hand out as if to tell Kirishima he was fine. Shouji wasn't at all convinced but let him get out anyway.

At this point, Todoroki had noticed that Mineta was gone, off somewhere to 'pick up chicks' as he would call it. His vision was getting a little blurry and his temples were pounding. He better get home and rest before tomorrow's 7am conference call.

"Hey come on pretty lady," Mineta's voice rang like annoying cicadas on a boiling hot day. Todoroki instinctively eyed where the little grape man was standing, conveniently near the exit that he was going to take and noticed the dark-haired girl he was trying to flirt with or whatever. She had a very uncomfortable yet polite smile etched on her face.

"No, please sir, let go of my arm," the lady insisted. Her eyes were bright, cheeks plump and dusted pink, and Todoroki had to say, her volumed hair framed her pretty heart shaped face perfectly.

She stood tall on her black stilettos and nervously grabbed the hem of her short black skirt as her leg slowly moved backwards. Still, Mineta urged on with a face like a wild animal.

Todoroki has had enough.

With a quick three-step stride, Todoroki was standing right beside the lady. He sent Mineta a viscious glare that made the grape boy startle in fear.

"Leave her alone," The duo haired man could hear himself talking a bit louder than usual. What was he doing? He should be going home and having a nice steamy shower. But seeing the girl beside him being harassed by Mineta like that was something he couldn't get out of his system. He tightly gripped Mineta's tiny arm and ripped it off her like he was acting on a vendetta.

It was probably the alcohol.

By now the crowd had dispersed a bit, music still blaring from the speakers high up on the ceiling and a small semi circle had formed to watch what was happening.

Crap. Todoroki thought, he hated getting attention.

"I'm..I'm sorry," Mineta finally managed to answer, his eyes were watering and his legs wobbled under Todoroki's intense stare. It didn't help that his heterochromia made him look that much more angry.

After two more seconds of seeing Todoroki's taciturn expression, Mineta knew he had to escape and scurried back to find Shouji who was shaking his head with Kirishima in disapproval.

The lady finally sighed in relief, noticing the crowd going back to form their own cliques and held a hand to her chest.

"Thank you so much," she began, turning to look into his eyes, "I didn't want to hurt him...if you hadn't come I think I might have had to call security or something."

"It's nothing, just didn't want us to have to deal with a lawsuit tomorrow."

Todoroki's legs motioned over to the door and the lady extended a hand to him before he could leave.

"I'm Yaoyorozu Momo. Nice to meet you and thank you, again."

Todoroki grabbed her soft hands and mumbled something before she could ask another question.

Pushing out the door, the slight autumn breeze ruffled his hair and Todoroki found himself stumbling along the sidewalk towards what he hoped was West of the city.

He had a faint recollection of his apartment being somewhere near the intersection with the bright orange Yoshinoya but with his headache he figured he shouldn't even think much anymore.

With an unsteady step, he took a quick rest after crossing the street. He leaned against the concrete wall of what looked like the outer area of a highschool and rolled up his sleeves. Usually he'd be able to regulate his body temperature but everytime after he drank, he just can't seem to do it as well. Right now, he felt sweat beading against his skin, the only thing cooling him down was the gust of strong wind that seemed to blow away even the seeds of wild dandelions.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed a familiar figure closing in on him. The slim shadow got nearer and finally he realized it was the girl, Yaoyorozu, that was jaywalking across to where he was. What's she doing here?

"Mister!" He heard her call out, "Are you alright?"

Todoroki nodded before watching her hold a handkerchief to his forehead.

"You don't look so good, sorry I didn't mean to follow you!" Yaoyorozu apologized immediately in case there was some misunderstanding going on. "I..I..."

The man grabbed her hand that was still on his forehead and held it there.

"Your hands are cold." He mumbled casually and she felt a warmth that tickled from her spine to her extremities. Yaoyorozu widened her eyes and quickly took her hand to her side.

Todoroki had no idea why she seemed so nervous but thought the ruddiness of her cheeks must have been due to whatever beverage she just had. A sweet smell wafted over him when she stood closer and he realized she had on a light fruity perfume. Without a second thought, Yaoyorozu held her arm around his shoulder as if to support him.

"I'll take you home," she offered graciously, "I think you had one too many drinks sir."

Sir. She just called him 'sir'. Todoroki thought, she was a humourous one.

"Call me Todoroki." He answered, and without confirming whether he wanted the help or not, the steps he started to take implied he wouldn't mind her accompanying him for the short walk.

Yaoyorozu tucked a loose hair over her ear and smiled, Todoroki noticing the lines on the corner of her eyes that had formed when she did.

"I live a block away from here."

"Is it near Yoshinoya?"

Todoroki cocked a brow.

"Yes, how'd you know?"

"Oh nothing," she said, "it's just that I used to live near here too when I was still a university student."

They pass Emmachi station quite soon after, them filling all the awkward silences with small talk and both of them come to enjoy each other's company. Yaoyorozu didn't lose her grip on Todoroki the whole way, either politely positioning her hand on his shoulder or gripping his arm.

By the time they get to the entrance of Todoroki's apartment, he had already loosened up the buttons near his neck to let the heat out. Yaoyorozu blushed at him and bowed slightly.

"Have a safe trip up the stairs!" She beamed and Todoroki let out a relaxed chuckle.

"Ya, hope I don't fall and break my nose."

She didn't seem to take that joke lightly.

"Let me help you up then!"

Todoroki wanted to laugh. What is this naivety? Wasn't she scared to get kidnapped or something?

"For all you know, I could be a murderer or a kidnapper." His voice sounded quite serious actually.

"No, Todoroki-san I could tell you're a good person! You...you helped me back there, and I swear that purple guy would have gotten badly hurt if I had to use my judo on him!" Yaoyorozu commented matter-of-factly.

So she knew martial arts huh. Guess you really can't judge a book by it's cover.

The man turned to unlock the gate and once again felt her slender fingers around his wrist.

He sighed. "Okay if you insist. It's 3 floors so its not going to be a breezy trek."

It took them 5 minutes to get up there and with Todoroki's feet feeling like tofu, he was just glad he finally made it home. Just a metre left before he could sprawl over his futon. Yaoyorozu didn't stop chatting away the whole time, he learnt that she was a biochemist doing her Masters and he also learnt that she seemed to really like her friends. She enjoyed arranging flowers and knows a lot about tea.

The last few steps to his door, Todoroki fished out his keys and stabbed it in before giving it a twist. Yaoyorozu waved.

"Thanks by the way," Todoroki said, he placed a hand over his head to massage his temples, "Really, I was never that great with alcohol, lightweight they'd all call me."

The lady giggled slightly, fixing the strap of her purse on her shoulder before taking his hands in her own in a polite handshake.

She was standing so close to him. Her orbs lively and bright.

Yaoyorozu blushed when Todoroki took a step closer and drew her face with a light tap under her chin and gave her a light peck on her cheek.

What the hell. Did he just kiss her?

"Um..Todo..Todo..." She couldn't even pronounce his name at this point. Thoughts were running wildly in her mind. Yaoyorozu was a fan of shoujo manga but this was...this was real life! It didn't help that his handsome face was right in front of her; should she kiss him back too? Oh my, she had just met him for a good half an hour and now her heart's pounding in her ears.

Ugh, what would Seo do if Wakamatsu had kissed her?

Todoroki cleared his throat, successfully breaking the black-haired girl from her thoughts.

He seemed slightly awkward following what just happened, his hand still holding the door open. He had no idea why he had done what he had done, but seeing her cute face redden up gave his heart a tug.

"Goodnight...." He held out his phone. How he managed to still balance his phone and swipe it steadily he didn't know. "Um, whats your number?"

Yaoyorozu gulped. "7788644656" she blurted that out in a hurry. She felt a vibration of her phone in her pocket within seconds and Todoroki stuffed his back to its original spot.

"Alright, give me a text when you're back home. Just called you so you'll have my number too. Bye."

The lady only managed to nod, watching as he gave her a wave of his hand before disppearing behind the wooden door painted white.

Was that going to be their last meeting? She thought as her heart practically leapt out of her ribcage. Yaoyorozu found a slight dance in her steps as she hopped back down the apartment.

She couldn't wait till she got home to send Todoroki a text. And of course, she had to tell her bff Jirou about this.

#todomomo #todoroki x yaoyorozu #bnha #boku no hero academia #my fanfic

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optimisticallypessimisticcc · 4 years

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A story of the girl.

Do not let anyone think one human being can’t change your life, because they absolutely can. Some better, some for worse. My story’s alittle bit of both...

We met in highschool. We played for the same softball team. I didn’t think anything of her, I thought she was a pretty cool, a decent human being from the outskirts. She had sort of a style about her, like she didn’t care what others thought. From what it seemed her whole life could’ve been perfect. She had no worries in the world, she was reckless, and rash. And you saw it through her eyes. Wildly beautiful... she was always attractive to me. However, I didn’t think anything of it because I wasn’t a “lesbian”, yet. I hadn’t quite found myself just yet.

We were dating during those softball times. I was a lost girl hoping to find love. I remember at a softball game, you were hungover... hanging over the fence saying you felt sick to your stomach, I rubbed your back until you stood straight. Rubbing your back made me realize love is not with words, it’s with actions. And although our love was premature back then. I knew I could love you forever. Forever just was not our time in highschool. We both knew that deep down.

We went our separate ways and you decided to contact me through social media in the end of May. I did not really think anything of it because I was a stranger to love and at this point I was too shy to truly come out and get a girls attention. I was more sexually attracted to women but my personality clashed with that ambition. I was simply too timid and reserved to make the first move. Luckily, you did. And we started to talk.

Social media turns into texting. Texting turns into hanging out. Our first night we hung out was at the toasted walnut. I was wearing my guess joggers, with a crop top. I was trying to impress you by making myself look prettier. Dark makeup, and slutty clothes.

~She is not the type of girl that likes that. She simply falls in love with natural complexion and attire that covers. Again, I was simply trying to impress you..... but you are not like everyone else. Are you?

I walked into the bar with emily and Ryan. I looked for you but I was not trying to make myself obvious. But then I saw you coming down the steps, I glanced and looked away. Butterflies swarmed my stomach. I felt like a little kid on Christmas. We saw each other and kept it cool. My insides were exploding. I proceeded to chug my drink to ease the tension. Although I was so nervous to talk to you, I kept drinking and eventually it subsided. Usually I keep my cool anyway, usually people don’t see that I’m nervous. I’m sure you didn’t either. But I was... more nervous then anything I’ve ever experienced. Eventually I got too drunk and embarrassed myself. It was the only way I could’ve delt with that night. What if I’m too annoying? What if I’m being stupid for nothing? What if I’m embarrassing myself? Ironically I did. But you didn’t care. You thought it was cute and you kept it nonchalant. You were even suprised I showed up.

~I showed up because I’m a person of my word. I outgrew the little and scared girl I was in highschool. I’m more mature now then I ever was. I’m not perfect, but I’m not as toxic as I was. There’s always room for improvement though. I’m glad I showed up to that bar. Fate brought us together again.

We started texting more on a daily basis. We eventually met up again on June 13th. It was at a conshohocken bar. I was so eager to see you again. The butterflies were still there, like they never left. I believe they were lingering in my stomach all this time & they go into hiding whenever you’re not in my sight. I was so nervous to see you. We sat at the bar together and you called your friend up because I think you were anxious as well. We didn’t know where this was going... but we knew we both wanted to find out. After all, our old feelings were still there. I saw them in your green eyes. When I looked at you.

We were sitting on the edge of the bar. Like we were in our own little bubble. Everyone else was doing karaoke or going about their business. I had showed you a text message saying I was completely falling in love with you.. that I had sent to my bestfriend. Because I was. I have never looked at another human being the way I look at you. I look at you and I feel nothing but love, warmth, and security. And I know I never wanted to lose that feeling for you. You kissed me immediately after. It was after 12, June 14th now. I was so anxious. Was I bad? Was it too much? Too quick? Too fast? But when you find a love like that, you never want to stop talking about it. That’s when I knew it was you, all along.

~Our relationship blossomed into a beautiful bouquet, filled with sweet smelling goodness and vibrancy. It was so pure and energetic, filled with life. We laughed endlessly, we got to know each other’s secrets, likes and dislikes, and we got to know each other on a more mature basis. What our futures were, our hopes and dreams, our fears. Reading and studying you was my favorite book. It still is. You are such a unique person, nobody can compare to you. Nobody can even come close to you. Your personality is one of a kind. You’re heart... is made of gold. And always will be.

You love old music. From Frank Sinatra’s song “my way” to the Cover of, “the boxer”, by Mumford and Sons with Jerry Douglas. Your taste in music shocked me. I always took you for an emo girl, like me. I guess you were always full of suprises. Our love was an adventure that way. Your favorite colors are tan, yellow and navy blue. You want to name your dog “bowie” when you’re older... from David bowie. You are strong willed, independent, and still, reckless. But you matured from highschool, I’ve noticed. You want to be a firefighter but if not, an EMT. I always thought you were meant to help people because you have a very caring demeanor about you, which I admired. You also wanted to be a racecare driver. You prefer flats over drums... I took the drums so you could always have the flats. I know you liked them. You can moonwalk exceptionally well. You do this kid voice when you want something or you want to be taken care of. And i swear to God, I could listen to that voice for the rest of my life. It was so sweet and so innocent. It touched my heart. It always will touch my heart. Your favorite animal is a shark. You prefer snowboarding over skiing. You paint beautifully, even though you’ll deny it each time. Your hair varies. You hate when it’s dark though you like a dirty blonde, but when it’s curly? My God you look like an angel. You love blue moon and ipa’s and hate seltzers & twisted tea. You hate cheese and love hot sauce. You always use to make fun of me for drinking tea lights. You hate burritos. You hate when people hit their fork with their teeth when they’re eating. You also hate marshmallows and love Fleetwood Mac. You love astrology, it’s your passion. Your favorite movies are silver linings playbook, a league of their own and the devil wears Prada. And how you love killers. You’ve watched basically all documentaries on Ted Bundy. I love how you love baby’s breath. Those flowers are so beautifully underrated. I love everytime we kissed we shocked each other, and we both claimed to be the spark between us. Everything about you, from your curly hair to your penmanship, was astoundingly ideal.

~I love how we use to play video games together while being wine drunk. You showed me your collection of baseball cards and I loved every second of it because it seemed to be your deepest memory of you and your dad. I loved how we wrote poems together because I love the way you write. You’re extremely good so never stop writing. I love how your veins pop out of your hands sometimes.

You use to make fun of me because I’ve never branched out and saw different movies. I just stuck to what I knew. And that’s what I loved about you, you were open minded. You showed me new things along the way. I’ll always be appreciative of how you brought me out of the shadows.

You’re insecure, when you have every reason not to be. You’re charismatic and charming, your personality is so unique it could catch anyone’s attention, while your looks... God don’t even get me started on your looks. You are so breath takingly beautiful, so magnificent, so naturally perfect. You face has been sculpted so perfectly by God himself. He really took his time with you. He put the world in your eyes. My world is in your eyes. Perfectly blended with green and blue. My future.

You like to sleep on your left side. At first, I didn’t like it. But I grew to love it, knowing I could hold you and keep you safe. My arms wrapped around you skin to skin. So warm. I’d protect you from harm from the rest of my life. I felt loved lying next to you.

~I grew to know you. Your future, your doubts, your hopes and fears, your personality. I knew you like a book. Like the back of my hand. It was easy memorizing your identity.

Our love was beautiful. We spent nights in the hotels. I remember our one night. The night was so special to me. We spent the night at the Wyndham, you had a headache and I took care of you. Patiently going back and forth with the rag. Putting it in the microwave for your precious head.

~If I could take the pain you’ve ever endured away I would.

After you felt better, we started talking about how much we loved each other. How we’ve come so far since highschool, how for 5 years you loved me. We started to make love. My heart was so full and I’ve never felt closer to you. It was magical and an experience I never want to let go of. You’re skin was so beautiful. You were so sexy. You were so perfect. I felt comfortable being naked in front of you. That conservative person blew right off me. It was so effortlessly and easy. Like it was meant to be.

~Life was going great. We started talking about our dreams and our future got brought up.

We were at fiddlers. “Marry me” I said. Jokingly enough, I was not. I put a rubber band around your finger. You said “okay let’s get married tomorrow then, or soon at least downtown.”, “you would marry me?” “Of course I would, I love you.” I knew this whole time I wanted to be your wife. And the thought of it makes me lose it each time. The thought of being yours forever. What a perfect world. What a perfect moment. What a perfect thought.

Things have gotten serious and the topic was brought up more. We eventually picked our rings out and I was waiting for you to eventually ask me. Although you slipped up and told me, and blamed it on me being your bestfriend. I didn’t mind. Of course I didn’t mind. I just wanted to marry you. I also could never be mad at you, you’re perfect. I was just so eager to be your wife, to be your fiancée. With too e’s not one... you told me that’s for a female. I know that now...

We were on a plane to San Francisco for your friends 21’st. That wasn’t on my mind lately and I’m sure it wasn’t on yours. I just couldn’t believe I was going to be your fiancée at the end of this trip. I looked at you and smiled and I knew this is what I wanted for the rest of my life. You and airplanes. You and traveling. I wanted to travel the world with you by my side. Both of my futures in one moment. You are my happiness. I felt on top of the world when I’m with you.

We were in San Francisco. You told me previously It would’ve happened the 18th. I was anxious because it was the 17th. Tomorrow was the big day I had to look good. But it didn’t matter because it was only the 17th. We showered together...

~I loved our showers. The memories we had. I felt so vulnerable and fresh. Remember when we slow danced in the shower at your grandmoms house with the candles burning? I felt so safe and relaxed. Showering alone isn’t quite the same anymore...So empty. I miss our showers.

We showered together and got ready. We were going to meet up with brianna and cooper. I didn’t even know what to wear. So I just wore my yellow sweater with my grey and black jeans and my fur coat. “Does this look good” , “yeah baby, you look great”. We got into the Uber and you were barely speaking, it was off for you because you can never stop talking... I was confused but let it go because I didn’t think anything of it. We took our cute selfies together because I love showing you off.

~ I loved showing you off on social media. This girl is mine and I’m so privileged to have the most perfect girl in the world. Nobody can compare. If only you can see yourself through my eyes.

We got to this road because we were gonna go sight seeing. We took a nature trail called “lands end.” Pretty title. You kept looking at your phone while I was taking pictures; Admiring the scenery. And I saw this trail that was upward, like towards a cliff. “Babe come here I wanna go up here!” “Okay baby”. We go up the cliff. My heart drops. “Will u marry me?” In stones were written on the ground. I was so happy in that very moment. I am finally going to be your fiancée. I have you forever.

~The scenery was beautiful. It ironically stopped raining as well when you asked me. How perfect is that? We were on the edge of the cliff, overlooking the water and the golden gate bridge. There was one tree that was nearby the stones. It was a weird tree and was horizontal as opposed to vertical. You could easily sit apon it with the summit to the left hand side.

We took pictures and every picture turned out perfectly. The rest of the trip was a dream. You were my dream. And my dream finally came true.

We came back home to philly and Things were different. You were different. Not like yourself. You distanced me and didn’t give me an explanation. Nothing made sense. How can something so perfect end like this? Things got complicated that should’ve been left in the past. We fought.

~ lost and confused. Where did I go wrong? I gave you everything. A million unanswered questions run through my mind. Are still running through my mind. I guess this is your end for me. I wasn’t enough for you. What could I have done differently. How can this girl that promised me would never hurt me, leave me this way with no remorse? How can the love within her die and just become embers while mine is still flourishing within? How can you love someone one day, and don’t know the next. Why wasn’t I good enough for her. I was willing to fight for our relationship. People get into disagreements, people make mistakes. We’re only human. We could’ve fixed this. I was willing to fight for us, I guess you didn’t feel the same. I’m sorry for everything.

Alyssa, this journey has been perfect. You showed me what true love is suppose to feel like. How beautiful and fresh a real relationship could be. However, you took a turn and you made desicions that are unfortunate and unforgivable. But... I forgive you. I will always forgive you. Because I believe what we had was real. What we had was magical, real and rare. Nobody else can compare to our love. This love, you just can’t give up on. Those good memories will live in my heart forever and I will never forget our love story. And when you turn around, and are looking for someone to talk to when you’re lonesome, I’ll be there. When life kicks you on your knees, I’ll be there to help you stand up. You need a friend to talk to? I’ll be there. You feel like giving up on life? I’ll be there. Because that’s what you do for the people you love. Remember, I love you for who you truly are.

~You made me grow. You showed me it’s okay to be honest with yourself. You showed me to be open minded and to be more social. You showered me with love and taught me to love myself. To be comfortable in my own body. You made me into a better person throughout our love and I’ll forever be grateful.

If you decide one day you miss me.... Call me, text me, email me. Contact me. Because I will always be missing you from this day on. I’m not giving up on our love... because our love is so real and rare. The kind of love people wish they had. The type of love that only exists in movies. Alyssa, I will always love you. I will always be in love with you. Thank you for showing me true love. Thank you for letting me love you and loving me in return. Thank you for being you. I love you, Alyssa Marie Katherine Glassey. Forever. 224.

This is the story of the girl who changed my life.

I love you, Alyssa Marie, more than you can ever imagine. I will always wait for you to come back home.

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pixiealtaira · 5 years

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I was tagged by @chocoholicannanymous to post the first lines of the last ten fics I wrote...on. They all were WIPs..all of them. It might be a bit embarrassing to admit that this doesn’t even make a dent in the WIPs in progress. Nope...not a dent.

I realize I tend to long first paragraphs often, so I went with between 3 and 6 lines...

Pretty much nothing as a name...so I’ll refer to it by the title of the doc.

So, with our further fluffiery...from what I worked on latest to ten back....

1) Modeling AU ---glee WIP

Santana, Rachel and Kurt were filling the condiment bottles and chatting as they watched while the group of 4 singing wait staff finished their last song. Or rather Rachel and Santana were chatting and Kurt was trying to ignore them while not letting them know he was ignoring them, or at least not letting Rachel know he was ignoring them. He wasn’t incredibly happy with anyone that moment, although he was at a better place with Santana than with Rachel. It could have been because he and Santana had had it out a bit earlier so the air was partially cleared, but not cleared enough for him to be helping her chat with Rachel.

2) NaNoWriMo 2017 ---- glee wip, also second part to the story above but nano wants new works...so I made it one (this year nano was a failure...ended up with too much family drama going on and the son was a senior in highschool)

Kurt Hummel trudged into the costume workshop attached to the theater department at NYU. He wasn’t sure Rosie, who he was supposed to meet up with was even there yet, as it was ridiculous o’clock in the morning, but the back entrance door was open so he figured someone responsible was inside.

“hello?” Kurt called out.

“In the room with the sewing machines, back right hand door.” Kurt heard yelled back to him.

3) NaNoWriMo 2016 ------glee wip...again this year of nano was a failure...but that was because I was sick for most of it

The summer after Blaine’s massive meltdown and tantrum and the subsequent break-up was looking to be…difficult. Horrid. Soul crushing. Kurt saw no relief from it. There was no one to ease the feeling that somehow he was solely to blame. He had no one to talk to, really. Artie blamed Kurt and wouldn’t give him the time of day. He was the only one still in New York City. He hadn’t heard from Elliot or Dani since before he was bashed back in February…he remembered asking about why he hadn’t and getting a vague brushing off and then the bashing happened and then every moment was focused on Blaine again…making sure he wasn’t feeling inadequate or ignored. And no body at work spoke with him, at least not at the diner.

4) CM-Glee cross --------Criminal minds Glee crossover WIP...I am determined to finish this and it’s companion fic...I will...at some point

If one had asked, which of course no one ever did, Spencer Reid would have actually told that anyone who’d asked that he would have rather been anywhere else than where he was. He’d have liked to have had the opportunity to give some input, to have some options! Yes, he’d had some …issues, especially when things were dealing with teens, but it wasn’t like everyone else he worked with had always done everything exactly right each and every time either. (Morgan and any pretty women they worked with in any way shape or form…for example. Hotch stopped Spencer from talking before he got that pointed out though.) These weren’t even really teens, for the most part…at least not high school students. Out of the six deaths, only one was a student. Spencer did not see the reason Hotch had stared at him the whole time he gave his lecture on not letting themselves get too emotionally involved. Nor did he see why HE and HE alone had been left at the police station when they arrived. He was actually an agent, for Pete’s sake.

5)nanowrimo 2013 ------glee and criminal minds crossover WIP...yes you read that date right,however this ficis over 80000 words and I think could be finished quickly if I could just get past one fricking scene

After Kurt’s summer from hell, Kurt Hummel had hoped that things would be better for the school year, or at least the same things wouldn’t be bad. He was really tired of the repetition of misery that was his life lately. However, when it came down to it, school had been going just like it had the year before. Granted, he’d only been tossed into the dumpster once so far. (He suspected it was because he was harder to toss this year after putting on a few inches in height.) However, the locker slams had become brutal again and slushies were still a routine.

6) why Kurt speaks fluent french ----I suck at titles. Glee WIP. Somehow half what was written for this got lost...on some hard drive or flash drive was another 5000 to 10000 words, but I have not been able to find it so we spent a bit over the summer rewriting.

Elizabeth Hummel looked around the parking lot of Hill Side Elementary School, and wondered once again where the hill that she’d figured it was named after actually was. It certainly wasn’t anywhere near the school. False advertising…that ought to be a good reason not to have Kurt go to there, although she was pretty certain her husband would disagree. Elizabeth hated the school. She had hated it from the start, really…from the moment they got the letter in the mail that told them that due to the schools nearest them being under construction still and the next closest school being under renovation and so only being able to house half the students it generally did…her child was slated to go to Hill Side.

7) Kurtoberfest day 16 holiday recipes --- WIP, almost done, maybe, au where Finn is alive

Kurt remembers the day Finn Hudson’s career path was chosen. Finn had come to New York to ‘hang’ with his brother and sneer at Rachel and torment Santana. (Ok, Finn said he’d come to hang with Kurt, but he spent more time sneering at Rachel and tormenting Santana than hanging with Kurt, to the point of refusing to go site seeing to places Finn had wanted to see in favor of bugging the girls.) Kurt and Finn had been watching old comedies waiting for Rachel to get back so Finn could bug her when Kurt switched from Sister Act to Kindergarten Cop. Finn had never seen Kindergarten Cop. Kurt was frankly dumbfounded about that fact, seriously. Kindergarten Cop was like a staple of movie viewing. Finn watched Kindergarten Cop with an intensity that Kurt had only ever seen him give to 45 buck steaks and a basketball ball game on TV once that Finn had bet 300 dollars on. Finn didn’t even notice when Rachel came stomping into the loft and then left again.

8)Kurtoberfest prompt 17 harry potter au ---glee and HP crossover

When Harry Potter left Britain, and the wizarding world, he decided to run to someplace he could get lost in. He beat dear old Voldie, he’d won the damned war for them, and all he got from it was fits from people who didn’t like how he did it…he should have used magic, not non-magical means and he certainly shouldn’t have used a snake to help…and proof of just how manipulative certain people had been in his life, which thankfully the goblins had helped him with after he proved to them he did not sign anything giving anyone means to form marriage and partnership contracts with anyone. Half the Weasley’s weren’t talking to him, and he was fine with that after finding out that Ginny had been feeding him love potions because he wasn’t responding the way she wanted and that Dumbledore had sold him off to her mom, essentially in trade for her pledging the aid of all her children to Dumbledore’s cause. He also didn’t appreciate that Dumbledore had promised Harry’s magic to the ministry in exchange for the ministry turning a blind eye to certain things Dumbledore had done…like sealing his parents wills with no authority to do so.

9) Severus Snape meets a Small Harry What If ----Harry PotterWIP one of like 8 with this name in my WIP folder. This one has a big harry and a small harry and is a bit dark

As Severus Snape watched over Flitwick’s classroom, full of Gryffindor third years, he cursed the fact that the quarantine of a house also included their head of house. He cursed the outbreak of – what was it…ah, yes… the Chicken Pox – some silly Muggle disease a first year had brought back with them after a family gathering during the short spring break which had spread through the Ravenclaws like a wildfire.

10) T and T Kurt....Glee WIP Just how did Kurt’s tiara collection get started?

Elizabeth Hummel looked around the dressing room area of the pageant and briefly contemplated her sanity…or lack of…in getting involved with it all. She was tired of the tantrums and whining and screaming done by both mothers and children. Luckily her child wasn’t involved in any of that. Her child was seated off to the side.

“Katerina Bates, please come stand by mummy.” Elizabeth called.

The child slid off the chair they were seated on and hopped over.

“Elli. Not Katerina.”

“Katerina today. You can be Elli tomorrow.”

Yeah....there were six other in that Kurtoberfest bunch being worked on, three other HP and three other CM fics..because I told myself I would finish a WIP this summer and my mind said NOPE, Will no concentrate on One. Nope Nope Nope.

Also wrote lines for beans for Clever Jack and the Magic Beanstalk because of course the magic beans needed a whole mini scene song and dance number to themselves...of course they did.

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the-scottish-costume-guy · 5 years

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My Trans Story

Story of my social and medical transition under the cut, I know its not trans day of visibility anymore but consider this a belated contribution. I hope it helps anyone who’s questioning, or even anyone whos curious about the experience. This is very long and has some mention of dysphoria, abuse, bullying but also has a happy ending so thats your warning:

The earliest I remember giving any indication of being trans was at five or six years old on my way to primary school with my mother (who I will mention was a fairly good mother at the time - this will be relevant later). I turned to her in my little green and white uniform dress and said “I’m a boy, aren’t I mum?” I’m not sure what prompted the question really curiosity maybe but my mother laughed it off - something I dont blame her for, kids say silly things all the time. I wouldn’t say I was a super boyish kid. Yeah I liked a bit of rough and tumble play, I was into pokemon cards, then yu-gi-oh, beyblades - which were all considered “boy” things when I was at school. I liked to play british bulldog and tag, and as I got older I’d get into Warhammer, Dungeons and Dragons, The elder scrolls and other nerdy things which are seen as more unisex now but again in the time were considered “boy” interests. But I liked having long blond hair, and I was curious about make-up. I liked to bake and sew and weave, and as a child I even enjoyed knitting. I cried easily and got hurt often - I was accused of attention seeking through most of my childhood though even looking at myself critically I can only ever remember wanting validation. When I was hurt, when I’d achieved something I was proud of - my motivations were called into question when I sought out help or interest. I remember being heartbroken when art I’d worked on was dismissed or I was told the bad bruise I’d gotten was nothing to be upset over and to stop seeking attention. It set me on a path of questioning everything I did and why I did it.

Unfortunately I have a lot of memory gaps in the lead up to high school and through much of school.

Fairly early on in school though I came out as bisexual. Honestly I think a part of me was threatened by cis guys masculinity and that drove me to women. I had a fairly even number of girlfriends and boyfriends. One relationship the boy I was with implied being ready to try sex and we ended up breaking up not long after when I distanced myself. I didn’t know how to explain the discomfort with my own body that I didnt even understand. How I didn’t want to be touched in certain places or do certain things. I felt like a freak.

It didn’t help that I was already bullied pretty much from the get go in highschool, from age 11 I did have many friends and there were periods where I had none. I was bullied for my hair, for not having friends, for being gay, for being depressed. Hell sometimes I was bullied for being bullied - high school is weird.

I was also... “bullied” by a “friend” who would hit me, talk down to me, at times wouldn’t let me sit on furniture. Once she choked me to the point of passing out among other things. Somehow I was still convinced she must like me on some level - why else would she hang out with me? I wish I’d known better. She introduced me to the concept of being transgender but not in a way I identified with. She told me about a documentary of “Boy becoming girls and girls becoming boys.” she told me “The girls that become boys are always still pretty, you can tell they were girls. But the boys that become girls, you cant tell they were boys they just look like ugly girls.” I imagine shes less ignorant now but its stuck with me.

Eventually around age 16 Two trans people spoke at my school. They talked about how they always felt different, things they’d disliked about themselves - the relief of coming out. I understood completely but my brief excitement was dashed by their talking about harassment and fear. I wrote my email address on a slip of paper and ‘please help’ which I put in the box they were collecting at the back of the room for any questioning youth. They never emailed me. I made an appointment with my doctor.

I actually begged my doctor to fix me, and he referred me to a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) in Edinburgh. It took a full year to actually be seen there. I told some of my close friends about my concerns and confusion, and came out as genderfluid. I used a random R based male name to try and settle - knowing that as it was fandom related I’d change it later. When I spoke to the specialist at the GIC, I came out as a Trans Man, I felt validated. I came out to my family not long after and it was not well received. My cousin (who had spent every summer with us for as long as I could remember and I viewed like a sibling) died when I was 14. My godmother (his mother) died a year after. Within the ten years since my cousins death, he, my uncle on my mothers side, my great grandfather, my godmother, my gran and my grandad have all passed away. When I came out to my dad he begged me not to put more strain on our family. My mother turned to drink when I was only 14 and had worsened becoming more and more abusive as time went on. I’d had mental and physical health issues since the age of 8 and my experiences were being written off. My mother got worse, and I ended up being her full time carer for a few years. She was abusive, she hit me, she destroyed my things, she wrote on the walls and threatened me with knives. When a letter for my third GIC appointment came, (the appointment that would have gotten me hormones) I highly suspect it was my mother that destroyed it. I didn’t even know I’d been dropped from the list until six months later when I called to ask when my next appointment would be. I’d apparently missed it and for that reason they’d silently, without fuss, taken me off their active patients list. I was upset but handling my mother was enough strain for me not to fight my case for another few years. I went to attempt college for a second time in 2015 - nearly six years after I first came out, and four after my first GIC appointment. I called my best friend over to my house, and together we sighed 15 deedpolls changing my name and title legally. I contacted the clinic and got another appointment for that September. The doctor wanted longer - more appointments to get to know me, but after hearing I’d already had two with another doctor, had waited four years, had told the story I’ve told you now - she told me she wanted to get me on hormones for christmas. She rearranged her schedule and had me come in on december 9th, four days later I had my first doze of testosterone. I didn’t tell my father that I’d started hormones but I had told him prior that I was going to soon. My dad continued not to accept me, as did one of my tutors at college. I kept my head down and muscled through. I’d become so used to not passing that only 4 years later, when Im passing easily and consistently, its both a shock and yet somehow feels like its always been the case. I had top surgery on October 23rd 2017. To my surprise, my father came to the hospital. He’d said he wouldnt visit, but made the 4 hour drive anyway. Last summer, he started introducing my as his son to strangers. He started inviting me out for drinks with him and my brother. He treated me how I had always wanted. Sure he still drops the feminine endearments in - but I’m not going to fault him that. Everyone I meet assumes Im cis until I tell them otherwise. I was finally comfortable enough in 2017 to come out as gay, and I’m now engaged to my wonderful Fiance who is just beginning his own transition journey. My point? It gets better is a tired phrase that feels worn out by use. And no my life isn’t perfect but dysphoria and lack of love is definitely not the problem. Years ago I felt I’d never pass, I told people as much. I thought I was ugly, and unlovable. Now I like how I look, I Know i pass because people call me “sir” “Mr” ect. One of the tutors for the university I applied to was excited to “finally have a man in the class.”

The journey is long, and at no point can you see the end of it. Eventually you just look back and see how far you’ve come. Stay strong.

#Transgender #tdov #tdov2019 #transman #ftm #my story #trans day of visiblity #transgender day of visibility

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qtheallpowerful · 5 years

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A Start of Autism Thoughts

A while back I made a post about how being a parent of an autistic child is tiring. Here on tumbler I got some backlash from people whom I assume are autistic, because what I wrote hurt them. I also got comments from other parents of autistic children telling me that I put into words what they feel but don’t know how to express. I’ve not posted much since then, because I’ve been very busy taking care of my kids, and myself.

But, it’s Autism Awareness Month, or as some prefer Autism Acceptance Month(I haven't had time to form an opinion on that, yet. When I do, y’all will know.) and it’s, obviously, making me do some thinking. Today I was, once again, met with shock, and possibly disbielf, when I told someone I am autistic(yes, 3 of five members of my household are autistic, it makes things *fun*.) In this case, the reaction wasn’t so much that they didn’t believe me, but that “When I think of Autism I think of banging heads against the wall, or not talking, you know.” So, the rest of that social encounter was spent with me monologueing about what autism means for me. I was not expecting that to be the conversation, and it was cut short by children needing things. Regardless, I think I need to make another Autism post, because I’ve been thinking a lot the last few months, about what autism means for me, how it affects me, my son, our family, and so on.

First some back story. I was diagnosed with asperger’s when I was probably 15. I don’t know what precipitated that specific round of diagnostic testing; I got my first diagnoses of Depression at age 6, quickly followed by ADHD/ADD, and then at around 11/12 with Bipolar. I switched from a private parochial school to public school at 15ish(that’s a whole ‘nother story.) Once in public school, I had, in addition to the IEP I always did, a supportive staff who helped me navigate all things Social. After highschool, I worked for a year or so and hung out with my few friends who had gone to the local university. Then I went to do some religious studies for a year, and then got married. Now I am married, have three kids, and am working from home as a part time assistant seamstress and raising my kids, one of whom also has autism, and another who is deaf, with implants.

Over the last six years, as I have fewer and fewer required social interactions I find myself doubting my autism. This is because I don't’ feel as autistic as I used to. Is this because I am older and coping better? Is it because I’m not really autistic? Or is it because I am not in a situation where I am forced to try and not be me? I don’t know. What I do know, is that when there are community functions, I call my father and ask what I’m supposed to wear. I know that I struggle to make playdates for my kids, and I’m not sure if it’s my fault, or if it’s normal. I know that I often have to leave the supper table and hid in my room because there’s just too much happening. All I really know, is that the diagnosis seems to fit me, even though I can’t tell you exactly what that means. It’s complicated.

All of the above is why I posted about being tired. Because I know what my son is going through, because I went through the same thing, but with less support. Every aspect of this journey with him, I struggle because I remember so strongly what he is feeling, and I want to help him. And sometimes I can, but often it’s just how life is, and part of being autistic.

I’ve forgotten where I am going with this. I’m going to post it as is, because even though it’s rambling, it’s valid. This has been emotionally tiring to type, as I sort through all these thoughts and feelings and try to put words to them, when in my head they are gestures and colors and sounds.

I wish I knew how to use tags properly

#autism #actuallyautistic #parenting

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nikanndros · 6 years

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YOOOOOOO. SURPRISE! I’m not here about your fabulous new update (even though I could wax poetic on that in another ask) I’m here to inquire about that BOMB ASS INFIDELITY FIC YOU WROTE. look. I would write you ANYTHING In exchange for more of that fic/anymore infidelity. That shit is great to explore. Anyway. Marry me, have my babies and don’t cheat on me but I LOVE YOU YOUNG G

Hahahaha There is a special place in my heart for that fic tbh, so I’m glad you liked it. For further reading, I did post here a Laurent POV version of that AU that you can read HERE.

I actually started a sequel to that story a while ago, which I never got around to finishing because I didn’t really know where it was going, hahaha. But there’s no point in letting it gather dust in my google docs, so here is the first two thousand plus words of what would have been the adultery sequel.

“Do you want to come inside?” Laurent asks.

He wonders if his eyes are still red. If Damen will turn around and see that he’s been crying and - what? Recoil? - Laurent doesn’t know. He just knows that this moment feels penultimate. This could decide the course of the rest of his life, the rest of their relationship together. He’s never cared much for people’s opinion of him, but he is desperately afraid of Damen’s rejection.

Damen curls his hand in his pocket - the pocket he keeps his car keys in, Laurent has undressed him enough times to know - and Laurent wonders if he’s considering it. Just getting in the car and driving away. Maybe back to his home, where Jokaste will be. She’d forgive him eventually. Laurent knows because he thinks he could forgive Damen any slight just for the opportunity to hold and be held by him.

Slowly, Damen takes his hand - empty - out of his pocket and turns around. He looks lost. He looks beautiful, he always does. Damen rubs his fingertips against his forehead, warding off a headache, and sighs.

Laurent doesn’t know what to say. The moment is heavy with pressure. There’s a fork in the road, which path will they take?

Eventually, Damen nods. “Let’s go inside,” he says.

They’re barely in the front entryway when Damen puts a hand on his shoulder.

Ask me to stay with you, Laurent thinks. “Yes?” he says, heart in his throat.

Damen isn’t quite looking at him. “I have to talk to my parents,” he says. “They had that look about them.”

Concerned, was the look. Probably worried that their polyamory has set a bad example for their son. “Okay,” Laurent says.

“You should talk to Nicaise.”

Laurent frowns.

“Laurent,” Damen says. “He’s just a boy. It’s not fair for you to be upset with him. And you know how much your opinion means to him.”

It hurts right now, to be reminded of the way Damen is. He can be an oblivious idiot sometimes, but he also has a kindness in him. Laurent has never seen him hold a grudge in his entire lifetime of knowing him.

“I know,” Laurent says.

“Okay,” Damen replies, and then, finally, he looks directly at Laurent. “I’m sorry.”

Laurent closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to cry again, he doesn’t want to cry at all - but he knows he won’t be able to control himself if Damen dumps him here and now. Not that it counts as dumping, when they weren’t even in a real relationship. Just illicit sex and intimacy that has changed the fundamentals of who Laurent is as a person.

He cups Laurent’s chin and Laurent hates himself a little for leaning into it. Then Damen continues. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I should have told you that Auguste knew. Well I should have done a lot of things differently. But I’m sorry it all came out like this. You don’t deserve it.”

I do, Laurent thinks. Because he’s the catalyst for all of it, the reason it happened in the first place. He had known he shouldn’t have kissed Damen. He shouldn’t have even let him through the door.

“I’m going to talk to my parents,” Damen says, like he’s making a mental checklist. “I’m going to stay here tonight. And tomorrow -” he hesitates, “- tomorrow, can we talk?”

What does that even mean? Laurent just nods, eyes still closed. He doesn’t know how to speak. But he feels-

He feels Damen press a gentle kiss to the centre of his forehead, and then the source of warmth disappears entirely. When Laurent opens his eyes again, he is standing in the hallway, alone.

Auguste parked at their parent’s house, and so the whole family has to ride back in the same car together.

It is a very silent trip.

Laurent sits between his brothers in the backseat and feels the crippling awkwardness that comes with knowing that not only does his entire family know he’s been fucking someone - but that he’s been fucking their family friend who was in a relationship. He knows his mother will try to understand, but his father is probably furious. Auguste, supportively, has one hand resting on his knee. Nicaise, to his other side, is squirming uncomfortably. He looks guilty, which Laurent wants to be happy about, but he remembers Damen’s words and ends up just feeling bad.

“Laurent,” his mother says, finally breaking the silence. Her voice is soft. “Will you stay at the house tonight please, baby?”

It’s actually a question. He knows he can refuse and avoid another terrible conversation tonight, and his mum will let him. “Okay,” Laurent says. He keeps saying that. He doesn’t know when he became so agreeable.

When they get out of the car, Auguste directs their father into his office with him, and Nicaise immediately runs up the stairs. His mother links arms with him and pulls him into the sitting room and onto a couch.

The couch is covered in colourful pillows, his mother is fond of over-decorating everything in the house. They sit together for a long moment and then she seems to deflate and she pulls Laurent into her arms like he’s a child. Laurent lets it happen.

He misses this kind of maternal comfort, but since moving on campus he’s felt too old to ask for it. His mother is always soft and she radiates love. “I’m sorry,” Laurent says, quietly. It seems to be a night for apologies.

“Oh my baby,” Hennike says. “My sweet boy. What a mess.”

“I love him,” Laurent tells her, because it’s been on the tip of his tongue for years and he’s never let himself vocalise it before.

“I know,” she says, soothingly. “I know you weren’t being malicious. You’re just in love. Life can be so complicated sometimes.”

He’s glad that he was right about his mother being sympathetic; he thinks that he needs this unwavering love and understanding that he can be certain in.

“I don’t know what to do,” Laurent admits.

“Do you remember how your father and I got together?”

“Yes,” Laurent says. He knows. Now doesn’t feel like the appropriate time to talk about his parent’s perfect love story.

“Tell me,” his mother prompts.

“You were friends in university,” Laurent says. “And then you realised you were in love with each other and eloped a week later. Happily ever after.”

“Yes,” his mother agrees. “I never told you this, but on the day that your father finally told me he loved me, I was seeing someone else.”

“What?” Laurent sits up. This isn’t part of the story.

“I was dating a boy from my highschool, who my parents loved and I felt okay about. But I was wildly in love with your father, and when he told me he felt the same I couldn’t refuse. We had to run away because my parents were so mad when they heard I’d broken up with my boyfriend. We got married so that they couldn’t try and pressure me to go back to him.”

“But you broke up with the guy,” Laurent says. “You didn’t have an -” affair. He shouldn’t feel squeamish about the word.

“No,” his mother says. “But what I want you to understand is that love is complicated. It’s a series of choices that you have to make, with no way of knowing which is the right decision… You boys shouldn’t have done that, not while Damen was still with Jokaste. But it’s happened now, and it’s time for you to make a choice of what you want to do next.”

“I don’t really think it’s up to me,” Laurent admits, quietly. “Damen told me he wants us to talk tomorrow. It sounded ominous.”

“Oh honey.” His mother pulls him back into her arms. “No matter what happens - one day it’s going to all be okay. I promise.”

Nicaise is sitting at the top of the stairs, when Laurent ascends them, his skinny legs sticking out between the balustrades.

“Do you hate me?” Nicaise asks in a small voice.

Laurent stops on the step that he’s on and looks up at his little brother. “No,” he says, finally. “Of course I love you. I’m just upset right now.”

“Do you want to sleep in my room?” Nic asks. “We can pulls out the air matress and then you won’t have to be upset by yourself.”

He has his odd moments of sweetness. Laurent opens his mouth to reply, but that’s when Auguste makes his presence known, stepping into view. Laurent briefly wonders whether he was waiting out of sight just in case he had to stop his siblings from fighting.

“Nope,” Auguste says. “We’re having a sleepover in my old room tonight. Go brush your teeth, Nic, and we’ll let you come too.”

Nicaise runs off.

“You’re staying too then?” Laurent asks. He tries to sound like he doesn’t care, but his acting skills aren’t up to scratch tonight apparently.

“Of course,” Auguste says. “I can’t risk missing any more drama.”

He holds a hand out and Laurent takes it.

“There are a lot of people who love you, Laurent,” Auguste whispers, later that night when Nicaise is asleep between them. “I really hope that you and whatever you’re doing with Damen works out but-- either way, I want you to know that I love you very much, and I’m on your side for everything.”

“I know,” Laurent replies, just as quiet. At least he has Auguste.

Laurent ends up getting to the cafe he’s meeting Damen at twenty minutes early. He orders a pot of tea, finishes it, goes to the bathroom, and then orders another tea - take away this time, just in case - all before Damen arrives.

He’s in the middle of anxiously wondering whether he should get Damen his usual coffee order or if that’s going to look too desperately sad, when he finally walks in. All dark olive skin and wearing a faded tank top that looks like it belonged to him before his last growth spurt. It clings tightly to his chest. At least that means he hasn’t gone back to his apartment, where Jokaste will be, for a change of clothing.

“Hey,” Damen says, and he puts a hand on Laurent’s shoulder. “I need coffee.” He disappears off to the counter.

Laurent is pretty sure his heart is going way too fast just from that brief moment. He is suddenly passionately glad he opted for chamomile tea rather than coffee. No need to add excessive caffeine to this hot mess.

A moment later, Damen is pulling out a chair and sitting at the table, opposite him rather than adjacent. It is very hard not to read that as a rejection of sorts.

“How are you?” Damen says.

“We should just get to the point,” Laurent replies.

Damen sits back in his chair a little. “Oh,” he says.

Laurent purses his lips, and then he forces himself to relax a little - or just appear to be more relaxed anyway. “I’m okay,” he says. “I talked to Auguste and my mum last night, and I told Nicaise I didn’t blame him. I’m going to take him to the beach tomorrow, like I promised.”

“That’s good,” Damen says. He leans forward again. “My parents all teamed up on me. And then dad called Kastor and told him everything, and Kastor called me just to call me an idiot. Oh, and to tell me that Vanessa is pregnant again and I can only go to the shower if I promise not to bring any dramatic revelations.”

Laurent gives him a half-hearted smile. “Brotherly love,” he says. Kastor is so much older than them and further in his life that he’s always felt more like extended family than anything else.

“I know, he’s terribly sentimental,” Damen replies.

They take a moment to regard each other, before Damen speaks again, this time in an almost pleading voice. “Laurent, what are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” Laurent replies quietly. This is it, then.

“You’re going back to university in a couple of days,” Damen says. “And everything is a mess. I don’t know what we’re doing, or even what we should be doing.”

“Me either,” Laurent agrees. He isn’t willing to say much more than that. He wants to drag this out - this ambiguous stretch of time where things aren’t yet officially over between them - for as long as he can.

“I love you,” Damen says, in a rush. “I’m in love with you.”

Oh. Oh. That’s - not what he expected. “I…” Laurent has to force himself to talk. Even when Damen has already cut out his own heart and laid it on the table before them, Laurent feels resistance in letting himself be vulnerable. “I also feel like that. About you,” he manages, weakly.

“Okay,” Damen says. He looks flustered. “Okay, good.”

“Good,” Laurent repeats. His shoulders drop, and he runs his fingers through his hair. “I thought you were going to” - break up is the wrong term, they weren’t dating - “...tell me to leave you alone.” He winces at the awkward phrasing.

“No, I don’t want that,” Damen replies. “I know we’ve done everything wrong, but I really do want to try with you. It’s just that…”

Oh no. “What.”

“Everything is a mess right now,” Damen says. “I have to find a new apartment and you’re going back to uni, and I think we should get all of that sorted before we try to make what we have work.”

It’s so logical it makes Laurent want to scream. “So you are telling me to leave you alone?”

“No,” Damen says. “Just maybe we should give it a couple of weeks for things to settle and then talk about what we want.”

This is hardly the let’s elope immediately reaction that Laurent had maybe wanted.

#the adultery au #writing #captive prince #i may pick this up again one day #Anonymous

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kevinadrias · 6 years

Text

MMK Letter

Good evening. My name is Ron Kevin Adrias, 25 from Cavite. One of the reasons I'm courageously writing to your program is to inspire everyone that poverty is not a reason to quit pursuing your dream.

When I was in elementary school I was raised in such a poor, horrible environment that sometimes I really wished that I was not born with that kind of family or environment.

I have 5 siblings and I am 2nd to the oldest.

My father was a drug addict and he used our house to take drugs with his friends. Yes exactly, I was raised in that kind of environment. Every now and then drug addicts would be in my house because my father was the leader of the drug addicts in our street. My father would ask my older brother and I to light his cigarette even when we were just 9-15 years old. We would also have to jump out of our windows every now and then because when my father was so drunk he would beat my mother, so my siblings and I needed to just to go to our grandmother's house. I can still recall every single scenario and how we are sitting in one corner of our house all crying while my mother and father shouted at each other.

Still, even though we always left the house because of my father I've learned that love always conquers all. When my father asks my mother to go home, with no hesitation she will drag us back to our house.

Seeing how my mother continually finds strength to love is one reason why I want to chase my dreams and why I do not want to stay in that kind of life. One of the miracles I experienced was when my father stopped using drugs once I graduated from elementary school. I think that was my best graduation gift. Though he did not explicitly tell us, we know that he stopped using it because the people that my father was always bringing to my house were uddenly gone. But I can't remove the shame that I have every time I walked outside our street because I know that we have accrued debt almost in every store nearby.

More about my mother - my mother is a tailor, but more than that she is a supermom and a super hardworking person. Everything my family has was provided by our mother because my father is jobless. There was a time that I saw my mother selling a dog that was given to my sister. She went to every single house to sell the dog just so we could have food to eat. That was how I realised the power of a mother's love for her children. She would eat less, just so we could have food and survive for the next day. When we were in elementary school, someone asked us to take care of their swine. Every week, they provided us with "binlid" (a crushed type of rice, like rejected rice, meant not for human to eat, coz farmers selling it for pork food) When we received the binlid, we would filter through to choose the biggest piece so we could all eat it for food. We would also use the old, rejected vegetables provided for the pigs as dishes for our rice.

One time, it was so late and we did not have any food in our house. Our mother also did not know where to get food for us.

Those moments made me want to to dream more and to pursue what I need to pursue. And told myself that I will not let my next generation suffer from that poverty that I'm suffering with.

When I was in highschool I was a good student. I was a good son. I graduated with 2nd class honours. After I graduated high school, I saw that 90% of Filipino students do not pursuse a degree after graduation. I wanted to be that 10% who wants to pursue their dream. I told my mother I wanted to go to college. Her response was she cried and went inside our house. I still did not stop dreaming. I went to my godfather and godmother's house and asked them for 100pesos, 200 pesos, 500 pesos, bits of money here and there just so I could pay the school's downpayment. I shocked my mother when she knew that I was serious about my dream to go to college.

Now, after enroling with my downpayment next problem is my next payment.

In college, I participated in the National Service Training Programme-NSTP and the first thing that we had to do was to write our life story, so I wrote my life story. Little did I know, the teachers were looking for someone they wanted to sponsor. And yes, it was me.

They sent me to school and paid everything for me, from my school fees to my pocket money. They treated me as a family. Yet, that's not the best part of the story. The first thing they did was bring me to church. And when in that church, I was just standing watching everyone praising and worshipping. Everything became like a flip card for me. I just really felt that God loves me and in every single detail of my life God was there. When we were jumping out from the window with my siblings, the card flipped and I saw God was there protecting us, when we are filtering the binlid, the card flipped and I saw God was there watching us. When my father was so addicted to drugs and there were many gangster in our house, the card flipped, and I saw that God was there.

When I was running to look for money so I could enroll in college, the card flipped, and I saw God was there, guiding me where to go. God was there every time and he led me to people that will help me pursue my dreams.

That day in church, I was just crying and crying and crying and felt that I'm so loved. And that I am so special to the eyes of God. And that day I committed myself, not just to the church but to God that I will serve Him all the days of my life.

I graduated as an IT student. I worked at Cubap, Philippines as a graphic designer and after 2 years I obeyed God and flew to Singapore to look for a job. Many people told me that my money was not enough when I was about to fly to SG. And when I was alone in my apartment, I would question God about moving to Singapore. He told me He wants me to have a bigger salary and more convenient life. After 5 days as a tourist in Singapore I found a job and I received my pass on my 13th day.

We built a business in the Philippines and was invited to be guest feature our shop on national television-My Puhunan by Ms. Karen Davila.

Right now, I am in Singapore and happIly serving the Lord and living my calling as a Graphic Designer. My parents just moved to a new 2 storey house in Cavite.

Life is tough and it can make us want to stop reaching for our dreams. Yet God always gives us free will, to pursue or not to pursue. All things work together for good for those who love God and who called according to His purpose. If there are people don't believe that everything has a purpose, I think this story will prove you that you are wrong. The Lord is never blind and the Lord is never deaf. He knows what's best for us, just keep believing.

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