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mvshortcut · 7 months

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If this is a weird question, feel free to delete, but in the midst of trying to follow all the Maren/Milk Divorce/Marriage drama lore, I have to ask: why is your nemesis a turkey and how is he (or she or it, does the turkey even have a name? idk...) involved in this? Do you and this particular turkey have a deep complicated backstory of betrayal and hate that has been building to this fight or did you and the turkey just see each other one day and declare yourselves enemies?

I attempted to tell the abridged version of this tale. I really did.

The long and short of it is, despite going to college in a relatively urban environment, I have been haunted and stalked and vexed day and night by a gang of turkeys. Yes, a gang of wild turkeys that live in the city. No, I don't understand it either. They're like oversized pigeons at this point.

The turkeys have been a background presence in my college experience for some time. But, towards the end of last semester, I became aware that the turkeys appeared to be honing in on me specifically.

It started with one turkey, whom I have dubbed Victorian Maiden Turkey because the turkey looks very ill for some reason? very grey and scrawny and rumpled feathers and constantly seems confused about where she is and what is going on. She looks like a fainting waif of a Victorian maiden that needs to be sent to the seaside for her health, where she will magically be cured by the sun and fresh air. (No relation to the fact that she's been moved out of her city home, which is at least composed of 35% asbestos.)

ANYWAYS. so. Victorian Maiden Turkey seemed to like. follow me when I went to class? or at least wait for me? I had a long walk to class, and it was kind of through a residential area, and she'd just be like. hiding out in someone's driveway, staring at me as I walked past? On the way home from class I walked an entirely different route through a different part of town, and she was there too? (I know it's the same turkey because, again, none of the others resemble sickly waifs.) She was literally hiding in the bushes waiting for me to go past. I only noticed her, in fact, because I nearly tripped over her.

This continued for the next couple weeks. I kept running into this turkey, along with a few others, in different parts of town, going to class or the store or on my walks. I spoke to friends and my roommate and none of them reported being tailed by turkeys all over town. Only me. My roommate and my mom both agreed with me that there was only one possible explanation: someone had put out a hit from the turkey mafia on me, and this turkey was sent to scope out the scene and learn my routines, waiting for the best opportunity to strike.

Now, I’m getting nervous because the end of the semester is fast approaching. If these turkeys are gonna make a move, they’re gonna have to do it soon, right? Mentally I’m counting down the days until I can get the hell outta dodge. My days are numbered. And, on top of fearing for my life, I still have to study for finals, since I don’t believe any of my professors will accept “I’m being stalked by the turkey mafia” as an excuse.

Sunday. Last day before finals week begins. Trying to entice myself to push through the home stretch, I grab my picnic blanket, pick up some Chipotle, and bring my work to the park. First big mistake on my part - big open area. No shelter. No witnesses.

Second big mistake: I wear sneakers with laces. I remove my shoes and socks and spread out on my blanket under a tree to better enjoy the warm day. Chekhov is cocking his gun as we speak.

So. As an unsuspecting naive college student, I get straight to work enjoying my Chipotle and ignoring my studying. Then, just as the “ah shit, finals start tomorrow” reality begins to settle in and I finally buckle down on my work, I hear a rustling from over yonder.

Emerging from someone’s driveway and entering the park is—a turkey. Not Victorian Maiden Turkey—he looks entirely too well-fed. In fact he’s a rather hefty-looking fellow. The turkey slowly wends his way over to me; and, as I’ve seen turkeys several times around the city before, I assume we’re cool and proceed to ignore him.

Except—the turkey keeps approaching. We’re gonna call him Turkey Number One. (In the moment, I did not call him “Turkey Number One” for the same reasons that people in the early 1900’s didn’t call The Great War “World War I,” but we’ll get to that later.)

Turkey Number One continues to approach. As he approaches, he gradually becomes larger by puffing himself up. At some moments he simply seems interested in investigating me and my Chipotle and my water bottle. But at other times he begins to make a variety of unhappy turkey noises, but refrains from outright gobbling at me thus far. At this point he’s within 6-10 feet of me. Mildly annoyed—why is this turkey going to act all huffy at me if he’s the one choosing to invade my space? When he has a whole park’s worth of space in which to ignore me?—I stand up, grab my laptop, and make to step away from my blanket for a moment to let the turkey cool off for a moment.

Now, here's where Chekhov begins to chuckle ominously at me from the audience. Remember how I took my shoes off earlier? Well, as I now discover, the tree above me produces some rather sharp variety of seeds, which will easily stab the bottom of my feet if I attempt to step on them without shoes. The whole ground is covered in these seeds.

Not a problem, right?

Think again, Milk. The turkey is impatient and unhappy with me bending down to tie my shoes. As soon as I stoop down, he begins to approach my blanket, gobbling furiously at full volume and fluffing up his feathers. He backs off when I stand up, but every time I attempt to bend to put my shoes on, he resumes his approach.

Okay. This is fine. It’s gonna be just fine. I mean, I’m actively texting good-byes to my friends and mother and roommate, but it’s gonna work out just fine.

And to be honest? It does. Turkey #1 and I go back and forth for a few minutes. He begins to calm down, seems unsure of whether to perform a mating dance at my water bottle or not. Eventually he decides against it and takes his leave and I, with a sigh of relief, resume studying, thinking that the ordeal is over.

The ordeal is not over.

About an hour later, Turkey Number 1 returns from a different angle of the park. And—he’s brought his girlfriend this time, Turkey Number 2! (She is also well-fed and bears no relation to Victorian Maiden Turkey.) I’m still unclear as to whether Turkey Number 1 wanted me to meet his girlfriend, or if he thought I was encroaching on his territory/relationship and was like, “See? I have a girlfriend, man! Back off!” yada yada.

All in all, the second wave goes rather smoothly. Turkey Number 1 is all puff and no bite. Turkey Number 2 is visibly embarrassed by the antics of her boyfriend’s posturing (I’m not a bird behavioral expert but I recognize The Expression. It is universal). She occupies herself with eating seeds for a few minutes, I have some more Chipotle, Turkey Number 1 gradually cools off—it’s nice. After a moment Turkeys Number 1 and 2 exit the park and I, once again, return to my studying.

Lulled into a false sense of security by the last turkey visit, I don’t bat an eye when Turkeys Number 1 and 2 return to the park an hour later. They were fine last time, right? No big deal.

Then, over the horizon, a challenger approaches.

At long last, my friends, allow me to introduce you to my nemesis. Turkey Number 3 is the largest turkey I’ve seen in my life, though I believe he’s at least 80% ruffled feathers and air. And he is mad.

To be perfectly honest I’m still not sure what he was mad at. I believe it was a combination of 1.) mad at Turkey 1 for having a girlfriend he wanted, 2.) mad at me for invading what I now realize is clearly His Park, or 3.) mad at me for being a potential challenger for Turkey 2, which. Isn’t actually his girlfriend. She’s Turkey 1’s girlfriend. But it’s whatever, yknow?

(My mom has offered a potential fourth explanation, which is that Turkey 3 viewed ME as a potential turkey girlfriend, despite the fact that I am neither a girl nor a girlfriend nor a turkey nor a turkey girlfriend, or any combination of these. My mother believes he was attempting to woo me through impressive displays of force. I have henceforth refused to entertain my mother’s suggestion for my own sanity.)

So. Despite attempting to rationally and calmly explain to Turkey 3, my soon-to-be nemesis, that I am not interested in stealing anyone’s turkey girlfriend, he refuses to be placated. He puffs up larger than I thought possible for a turkey and charges directly at my blanket. Not only does he make deafening enraged gobbling noises that can certainly be heard halfway across the city, he also emits a variety of enraged puffing and huffing and squawking noises. Did you guys know that turkeys can extend all of their feathers at once, creating a “blast-off” sound effect that simultaneously propels them forwards? Neat, right? I didn’t know that either!

Now I do.

Having failed on Potential Reason Turkey Is Mad Number 3, I move to Potential Reason Turkey is Mad Number Two. I attempt to explain, again calmly and rationally, that if the turkey will just allow me a moment to put on my shoes so I don’t stab my feet on the seeds and roll up my blanket, I will gladly vacate his park.

Despite clearly wanting me to leave, Turkey 3 resists my each and every attempt to do so. He maintains a respectful 6-foot social distancing if I remain standing. The second I bend down and reach for my shoes, however, he puffs and gobbles and charges at me. And so I straighten up, my nemesis backs off, and the cycle repeats.

Friends. My absolute bastard of a newfound nemesis holds me hostage there for thirty minutes like this. And he’s good at it, too. Sometimes he’ll give me false hope too, wander off to fight Turkey Number 1 for his girlfriend’s hand/wing (said girlfriend is still munching seeds off the ground, clearly disgusted with them both.) I’ll take advantage of his distraction, bend down and reach for my shoes—and my nemesis will come charging out from behind a tree or materialize out of thin air, squawking and gobbling and puffing with the force of a thousand suns. (I still have no idea how he knew when I was reaching for my shoes. He must’ve had some ingrained sort of nemesis-sense.)

Now, you might be asking, Milk, how on earth did you escape? Did you pull off some clever and daring maneuver? No. It was because someone else happened to be stupider than I was.

We’ll call him Baseball Cap Guy. Baseball Cap Guy enters the park, sees the turkeys, and decides it’s a really smart idea to attempt to PET Turkey Number Two on the head.

That went about as well as you would expect.

Turkey Numbers 1 and 3 immediately put aside their differences to tag team Baseball Cap Guy. Inspirational, really. Turkey Number 2 resumes eating berries and seeds, supremely unbothered and supremely disgusted.

And I, Milk, take advantage of the commotion to jam my shoes onto my feet, snatch up my blanket, and hightail it out of the park. I use the remaining 5% of my battery to inform my mother and friends and roommate that I have not, in fact, been murdered by the turkey mafia. Then I made straight for home, hoping against hope that Victorian Maiden Turkey wasn’t tailing me or hiding behind a bush waiting to trip me and suchlike.

Now, it would be easy to think that the Baseball Cap Guy was an absolute idiot for trying to pet a wild turkey. I’m not saying that’s an incorrect conclusion. However, there was a point during the first wave where Turkey Number One was approached by an older lady on her afternoon power walk. I was hoping against hope I wasn’t about to watch a sweet old lady get mauled by a turkey. She, delighted, whips open her phone and begins to coo—actually coo— at the bird like she’s his auntie, like ohh, what a handsome little man you are! Your feathers are so soft—and how puffy you are, mister! and all that.

And—Turkey Number 1 absolutely eats that up. He struts back and forth, posing for her and clucking at her and letting her take her fill of photos for a solid 5 minutes.

So. My current hypothesis is that there is a Continuum of Turkey Vibes, ranging from Old Lady (preen for photoshoot) to Milk (???) to Baseball Cap Guy (attack on sight).

And uh. That’s the story, folks. I survived finals, returned home unscathed, and have spent the summer anticipating a rematch. I’ve also spent some time reflecting—it’s strange, having a nemesis. I’ve always wanted a nemesis. I didn’t quite picture them as a turkey, per say, but for some reason it just feels right, yknow? I think we’re compatible. I both dread and oddly look forward to our next meeting.

You’ll be pleased to know that the first thing I did upon returning to school this fall was go back to the park, ya know, like a fool. The first trip was pretty quiet. I introduced Turkey Number Two and some of her besties to my mom. I went back once to study at the park. That time, I met no less than 12 turkeys, many of which were little turklings. I think I introduced them to my mom, so I get to meet the family now? Unsure. Anyways.

I also witnessed a man, with a golden retriever and a turkey sitting side-by-side in front of him. The man tossed dog treats one after another to the golden retriever and to the turkey. (Spoiler alert: this one ended with a pack of five turkeys chasing the man and his dog down the street once he ran out of treats.)

Fun fact! Did you know turkeys can fly? No, really—not just “hold themselves aloft for short distances” but like “fly up into extremely tall trees, making a colossal ruckus as they beat their wings rapidly and gobble and yell?”

Anyways, once it was growing quite dark and impossible to make out anything other than the silhouettes of no less than five gigantic birds looming high in the branches above me, ready to launch themselves directly on top of my head at a moment’s notice, I decided it was time to exit the park for the evening.

I still haven’t run into my nemesis yet. That’s okay—I think I’m beginning to infiltrate the turkey ranks a bit. And I know he hasn’t forgotten about me. He’s just out there, biding his time.

Please admire these photographs of my nemesis as well as his magnificent ass. Thank you for your time.

#I. have no explanation I blacked out for an hour and this happened. I'm sorry #milk/maren divorce/marriage drama #not mbs #legal disclaimer Turkey Number Two bears no relation to Number Two Mysterious Benedict Society

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cerebellam · 2 years

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Tag, You’re It - Chapter 4

The Grabber x Female Reader

Summary: The Grabber comes to some realizations about you

Warning(s): UNDER 18 DO NOT INTERACT. Language, blood/violence, kidnapping, large age gap (reader is 26)

Masterlist: X

A/N: I hope you enjoy!

*The next morning*

The Grabber’s POV:

Albert emerged from the depths of the basement, making sure to meticulously lock the doors and his precious secret away.

He entered the kitchen and removed his mask, the extension of his darkest personas, and hid it away in one of the empty cupboards next to the fridge. He knew his younger brother Max wouldn’t dare snoop in his own dear, older brother’s house.

Ah, Max.

Al’s younger brother had been staying w for the past few months, making Al’s…activities much harder to hide from him. Albert had offered Max a place to crash while he was in search of a job and attempting to get back on his feet. Needless to say, Max was struggling to find a way to stand on his own.

But, he wasn’t a terrible guest. He had lived most of his childhood alongside his sibling anyway, what was different about it now?

Well, their mother wasn’t around doing drugs at the kitchen table or bringing home strange men.

Albert quickly shook away the thought. Their mother was of no interest to him now.

Poor Max, however, had taken after their mother and inherited the gene for addiction. He was frequently using cocaine, and much to Al’s dismay, on his fucking living room coffee table.

“I told you to quit that stuff,” he had told Max one night after he came home from work to find him almost unconscious in the bathtub. “It’s a nasty habit I don’t want in this house.”

“It helps me think, Al. Calms me down…maybe you should try it.”

“I’d rather snort fucking asbestos. Although, that’s what you might as well be doing.”

“Fuck off.”

Max was just an idiot. But his idiot, nonetheless.

Thankfully, as of late his brother’s need for the fix had dwindled as he found some purpose in tracking the missing person cases. He still used it to ‘think’, but Al was just thankful something else was occupying his little brother’s time. Even if it had to be at his own expense. One wrong move and everything would come crashing down. He wouldn’t let it come to that.

Albert grabbed a soda from the fridge and made his way to the living room, twisting off the top cap with the help of one of his rings. He took a quick sip of the carbonated beverage.

“Dude, what happened to your neck?” Max gawked at the large white bandage on his sibling’s neck. He was sitting on the couch, a pile of papers scattered in front of him.

“Maybe you should ask your dog.”

Max glanced over to Samson. The obsidian-colored canine lay quietly in the corner of the room, fast asleep.

“You’re always blaming the damn dog. You know he wouldn’t hurt you, Al. He’s all bark and absolutely no bite. Really, what happened?”

Albert sighed, making his way to his easy chair and sinking down onto the cushion.

“Shaving.”

Max chuckled.

“You’re always so tense. ‘Prolly nicked yourself gripping that damn razor like a vise-grip.”

Albert ignored his brother, changing the subject.

“Did you find anything today?”

“Oh yeah. Have you seen the news?”

Albert mentally rolled his eyes. His brother was far too invested in the disappearances for his own good and frankly, Al wasn’t in the mood to hear his incredibly inaccurate and wild conspiracies. He was afraid his living room was turning into a police precinct with all the evidence boards and red string. He sighed deeply.

“I meant a job, Max.”

“Um, no…but I feel like I can really help crack it this time. It’s getting really interesting, now. He’s breaking his pattern.”

Albert smirked to himself. He wasn’t one to break pattern, and he didn’t intend on it. Although, the change was likely to buy him some time.

“No, I haven’t seen the news recently,” he breathed. “Why?”

The younger mustache-sporting man grabbed a newspaper from the coffee table and flung it toward his brother.

“The Grabber kidnapped another victim. It’s a young girl. She’s a nurse from the local hospital, really pretty thing,” his large chocolate eyes worried, “It’s a shame.”

Al took the black and white paper in his hands and opened the roll to find your story on the front page. He stared at the photo of you printed on the newsprint, taking up a large portion of the page. It was your nursing school graduation photo from a few years prior. You wore your uniform, white cap and all, smiling innocently at the camera.

‘Young Local Nurse Y/N L/N Missing. The Grabber’s Latest Victim?’ The title read.

The article discussed your achievements and how you moved here to Denver from out of town a few years ago to attend college. Your coworkers described you as a hard-working young woman with bright future, always kind and willing to lend a helping hand.

Boy, had Al hit the jackpot finding you. You had jumped to his aid without a second thought.

No, you weren’t Al’s typical targeted demographic- sure, he kidnapped plenty of women, men, kids…just to satisfy the urge of his true desire: the ultimate power he felt taking a life.

But Al had been watching you. He had seen you leaving work a few times, always late leaving your shifts. You usually looked tired, your hair a mess, and a worried frown on your brows.

You were…beautiful to Albert. And clearly unaware of it. He was still baffled by your relationship status, he was so sure you had a beau at home. You had captivated him. Something not many were capable of doing. So yes, Al had taken a younger woman. So what?

Al had certainly considered killing you and having you join the rest of his unfortunate victims, but oh no, no…there was something…special about you. Something innocent. Something pure. As if you could make him a good person just by your presence alone. His angel.

No, Albert wouldn’t kill you. But he was going to make you his.

Chapter 5

Tags: @strrvnge, @astroo-babe, @salemross, @alice-the-nerd, @norriebunny, @oui-aboo, @friendlyneighbourhoodgothicpagan, @uzsi, @chaos-in-person, @person-124, @solaetadzio

(If you see your name on the taglist but you don't have an actual tag, you are unsearchable on Tumblr for some reason and I am unable to tag you! Be sure to check your settings!)

#the grabber x reader #the grabber x you #The grabber fanfic #the black phone #ethan hawke #grabber x reader #grabber x you #albert shaw x you #albert shaw x reader #slasher #slasher fandom #slashers x reader #al shaw

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bwobgames · 1 year

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Previous First

"Let's hide until the morning, destroy the clock, and then run away. It's the safest I can think of"

"A sensible decision, but didn't you say that we might not have the time to get everyone?"

"... We are gonna have to try"

"And, uh, call the police? Maybe?"

"Don't they come included with the bomb squad?"

"Oh, right"

"Although, what will happen then? Will they arrest the house? Us? Coli already has gotten out of jail without problems... this is an issue.

Agh, one problem at a time!"

"I'll message Vivi"

"Wait! Technology!"

"Ángel you're right!"

".... I am, yes"

"Aside from us three, the rest are all family! So they have eachothers numbers! We can just tell them to post about a bomb in the bar on the family groupchat or something like that"

"Yeah! I certainly was hinting towards that, no doubt"

"Tell Vivi to go to the main room. Did she answer?"

"Yep, take a look"

"... Does. Does she only communicate through images of cats?"

"Sometimes the cats have text over them. Other times, she writes a 10 paragraph message in one go.

Really, it depends on the situation"

"Is this a cat pictures situation??"

"This is not her first bomb threat. Look, she even has a kitty deactivating a bomb image"

"... Descriptive.

Anyways, let's get there"

They get inside the house and walk towards the main room

"So, how are we supposed to find anyone?"

"Well, Marigold is usually somewhere in the main room, but that's not assured. I think we'll just have to search all the rooms here until-"

"Ah, nevermind"

Simon and Owen appear from the room to the Lounge #2

"Private Detective Beebo and Detective Assistant Ángel here, we are gonna need you two to come with us"

"Oh wait, is this the wallet where I have the picture of Mozilla Firefox or the one with the shiny pokemon card. Guess it's too late now"

The teens are surprised

"We didn't do anything! And if we did it was an accident or in good intention!"

"The supermarket had a terrible cart organization. We didn't know they weren't allowed for racing!"

"It's not considered trespassing if the owner of the property wasn't watching and we didn't know!"

"We are minors! Legally we have the right to make a lemonade stand! It was just an alternative recipe!"

"It was the farmers' fault to have such an easily hackable door to his goose enclosure!"

"Hey, hey, calm down, it's nothing about - wait, you let out the 30 to 40 geese??"

"What Beebo here means is that this is not about your possible crimes. This place has received a confirmed bomb threat, and we are here to take you to a safe zone while we deal with it"

"Oh wow, Ángel is learning the ways of the detective"

"There's a bomb? Why"

"Uh. Probably for harm"

"That's so lame. I would rather have a cool bomb"

"... You need to be studied, little creature. Anyways, follow us"

They walk in formation

"By the way, Boss, why the main room?"

"Well, you said it. It's a relatively safe zone.

It's close to an exit and far away from the point of explosion. I fear that it might cause a house fire or that it could trigger the other bombs.

But we can't ask everyone to just stay outside in this cold, so, main room it is"

"Also, don't call me boss"

"You're so smart, sir"

"... Stick to boss

Sir is for, um, after job activities"

Ángel looks happily surprised

They reach the main room, Marigold is there

Vivi appears from the storage room and gives a wave

Then a middle finger

Ángel answers with another middle finger

Vivi makes a silly pose with double peace signs

"Um, Miss Marigold? I'm private detective Beebo and we have worrying information about this building"

"... So, it really has asbestos everywhere?"

"What? No"

"Wait, really?"

"Is it not?"

"No, no. Um, it's actually about..."

"How to say this without causing her to panic"

"There's a bomb at the bar"

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, we don't know when it's going off, so you guys should stay here"

Marigold goes pale

"Ángel that is very much what the detective handbook says Not to do"

"Sorry, my copy was pirated"

"Wh- Why?! Was it here before?! Where's everyone else?! Did someone put it!? How do you know?! I am calling the police. Where are Nadia and Nina?!?!"

"Um, uh, well, um, please calm down! We have this under control!"

"How?!"

"Excuse me, I need a quick word with my boss here"

She frantically calls the police

It might be a problem

"Wouldn't it be easier on everyone if we make them remember? I still have Vivi's book"

"... I don't know.

They are fine now, I mean, this is just a shitty night with a big scare.

With the memories... welll

This becomes the most terrifying night of their life

Bejng eaten by a house, being killed.

Knowing you might get killed again"

"Yes, but that knowledge will make them more prepared to face Coli in case he comes here and does something"

"We can just lie, though! just uhh something about terrorism?"

"In an abandoned hospital? With only 8 people?"

"I, I can figure something out!"

"I'm just saying it would be way easier if we were all on the same page"

"... But would it be the best for them?"

"Well, who are you to decide that?"

"A guy who has died 3 times"

"... That's fair.

Just do what you think is best"

#late beebo tonight because i was going through it #I hope the funnie isnt too out of place It was needed for the horrors #i managed to put those damn geese somewhere #detective beebo

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mousegard · 5 months

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in the latest aria chapter, we find out what happens when you teach fucked up unethical spells to a magical girl's girlfriend!

also edelgard gets a smartphone and picks up a new hobby

Episode 3: Mirror Darkly

Hibiki and Miku adjust to new circumstances. Millaarc worries for her family. Edelgard picks up a new hobby. Kronya seeks revenge.

That was Dorothea’s cue to laugh. “Please, Hubie, you’re not still embarrassed, are you? Edie thinks your songs are delightful.” “Oh, please.” “No, she does! I asked her the other day. She even says they’re ‘cool.’” “Hmph.” “Anyway, doesn’t Bikky sound a lot like Edie?” “Their voices couldn’t be more different.” “I mean besides that, and you know it. I just wonder if… maybe Edie looks at her and wonders.” “Wonders what?” “What she might’ve been like if not for…” Dorothea made an aimless gesture with her hand. “The war, the Flame Emperor, Those Who Slither in the Dark.” “Who knows? It’s futile to dwell on such things as lives that could have been. What would Lady Edelgard’s life be like if she had grown up like Miss Tachibana? One might as well wonder what my life would have been like had I been born a daughter of House Vestra.” “Oh… if you had, you might’ve ended up something like poor Miku.” Heidrun couldn’t help but chuckle at least a little at the mental image of Tachibana Hibiki as Edelgard and Kohinata Miku as herself—she had certainly seen the same on that night the girl had come up to her and meekly asked her for magic lessons. They both had their suns, radiant and scorching, and the burdens of their own powerlessness weighing heavy on their shoulders. She crossed her arms over her chest. “And what do you mean by that, pray tell? Ah, I believe I recall your exact words—‘Just another servant suffering from unrequited love for their mistress?’” “And I don’t think Bikky even realizes it,” Dorothea sighed, craning her neck and lifting her gaze skyward. “Well?” she asked. “Well, what?” “Bikky’s your comrade! Aren’t you going to come to her poor friend’s defense? Say something like, ‘ah, how dare you imply I would think of her as nothing but a drooling simpleton plagued with unrequited love?’” “Why would I?” Heidrun asked. “You’re slipping, Dorothea. Your insults are becoming less coherent. I fear it might be something in this world’s atmosphere—lead, or asbestos, or microplastics.”

#fanfiction #crossover #fire emblem three houses #symphogear

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untitledbandcomic · 8 months

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UBC#2 - Paid in Exposure (to Asbestos)

{ID - six panel comic titled, 'UBC#2 - Paid in Exposure (to Asbestos)', featuring four characters (Laurie, Kaz, J and KC). Full ID under cut. END ID}

we're not talking about the month between these pages. i said low comittment for a reason. anyway if this happens to you IRL you run ok? yea.

Full ID: Six panel comic featuring Laurie Alistair, Kaz, J and KC, all located within a dingy, run-down club (Dreamscape).

J laughs bashfully and says, "So, uh... When I said this was a new venue... heh." Laurie stares back at J, fingers steepled as he processes. "SO. Let me clarify: You spent ALL your funds on a sign." He points both hands at J and closes his eyes, almost looking like he's praying. In the background, Kaz has stepped in something brown and sticky. They cry out, "LAURIEEE I'm gonna DIE here"

Laurie continues: "And you want Kaz to recoup the costs with a show... tomorrow..." He gestures around to the room, finally snapping slightly and looking stunned and slightly terrified. "HERE?!" J tries to respond, "It'll look BRAND NEW by tomorrow, trust me!"

KC enters the club carrying a large cardboard box. He looks oblivious to the conversation, and carries on a long, loud, non-stop monologue as he enters: "Hey J Babe Where D'You Want The Mould Remover They Didn't Have Enough So I Had To Go To Two Different Stores Your Change's In The Thingy In The Car OH. Also I Think That Maybe That Plumber Was A Crook Because The-" KC finally notices the newcomers and cuts himself off to greet them brightly: "Ah! You guys are the performers, right? Hi! I'm KC!"

END ID

Character Descriptions:

Laurie Alistair (he/she/they) is a tall, broad-shouldered white person with long ginger and grey hair in a ponytail. He has green-grey eyes and thick eyebrows. Here, he wears a brown suit with a matching tie, and a single green earring that dangles from his right ear.

Kaz (she/they) is a short, fat black person with a lavender buzzcut. She has teal eyes and vitiligio in patches over her eyes, top lip, each side of her neck and on her underarms. Here, she wears a short sleeved red leather jacket and matching boots. She wears red headphones with antennae on the cups.

J (he/him) is a tall, thin mixed man with ginger hair under a green beanie, and a matching ginger goatee. He has blue eyes. Here, he wears a tight fit navy turtleneck. He also has a silver ball tongue piercing.

KC (he/him) is a short, muscled white person with white blonde hair cut into a fluffy mullet, with two larger spikes that look like cat ears. He has hazel eyes. Here, he wears a red tracksuit with gold accents, black biker shorts, and a blue vest. He also wears a matching red sweatband.

#artists on tumblr #webcomic #original comic #original character #original art #UBC #UBC J #UBC Laurie Alistair #UBC Kaz #UBC KC

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sansfangirl24 · 13 days

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If killer was at Hogwarts

Killer: its Valentine's day you know what that means!

Cross: killer you need to stop slipping love potions to professors to try and get them arrested for pedophilia

Killer: I wasn't gonna do that.. I was gonna.. slip this to Filch to get him arrested.

Cross: KILLER-

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Dust: what are you doing?

Killer: oh I'm trying to make Crabbe and Goyle hook up so I put some love potion into two floating muffins and oh! they're eating them.

Killer:

Killer: oh.. I think i put too much. oh Oh OH! what a horrible day to have eyes! oh no no get a room!

----------------------

Draco: Killer?

Killer: oh! Draco hi

Draco: are you putting love potion in my pillow as well?

Killer: uh no.. this is asbestos

Draco: what-

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Killer: uh guys don't use love potion on cats.

Horror: why not? do they not fall in love?

Killer: no. they die. I killed so many cats

Hermione: has anyone seen Crookshanks? Crookshanks?

Killer: *whispering* she'll never find him. I already buried them all..

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Nightmare: Valentines day card for Killer

Killer: ah! for me?

Killer:

Killer: AH! ITS FROM FILCH AH WHY IS STICKY?! AHH

#undertale #sans au's #killer sans #incorrect quotes #harry potter

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famousfilmsfan · 9 months

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Continuation of ‘The Model’

A year after that meeting with Vindi and Jon. Fazerton was built and the animatronics were moved into the new location.

Here are some mini shots from the town.

1. Suns new brother

Sun: *gawking over the new large daycare* Moony! What do you think this is awesome!…moony?

Sun turns around and moon isn't there

Sun: Moon?…moon!

Bryan pops up from around the corner with a crate

Bryan: Okay Sun, good news and bad news. Which first?

Sun: Bad news?

Bryan: Bad news is, Moon is destroyed.

Sun; What?! How?!

Bryan: He walked into traffic and was hit by a semi truck, and then another, and then another. Then one of those trucks carrying cars hit him

Sun was white and began to wail like a baby.

Bryan: Hey hey, it’s okay. I got you a new moon.

Sun: *crying* It’s not the saaaame!

Bryan: ‘Oh my god how is he an empath’ Well here

He opened the crate and a moon animatronic falls out snoring.

Bryan: uh. Moon?

Moon: *mumbles* Five more minutes dad. *snuggles into the packing peanuts*

Bryan: Moon!

Moon: Ah! *jumps up* Ugg, what happened? I just had a weird dream.

Sun: What happened?

Moon: I was falling, but not falling, and eating but not….it was cool.

Sun: This isn't the same, Moon is my brother.

Moon: *half asleep* Hey baby bro. *walks over to Sun and hugs him* Oh you’re so warm.

Sun: *freaking out* What? What is this?!

Bryan: Brotherly love

Sun; I thought that was a myth.

Bryan: No…Wow original moon really didn’t like you.

Moon; *snoring softly*

Bryan: He’s asleep again? Wow.

Sun: He likes me! *hugs back and spins him around, the two saying ‘weeee!’ In perfect unison*

2. Evilness draw back.

Glitchtraps gang was hiding in some bushes outside of a general store

Glitchtrap: Great! Just great! Not only did Bryan move, which means we lost all the progress we made, we can’t even move the portal because Sun is refusing to work with us now that he has ‘New moon’

Helpy; Also the fact that there’s nowhere in this town we can built a new base or a new portal. And the fact that moon was the only one who knew how to move all that stuff unnoticed.

Glitchtrap: Don’t remind me.

Nightmare: Master? I did hear about a warehouse a few miles out of town that was abandoned due to asbestos

Glitchtrap: Perfect!

Later that night!

The four animatronics walked through the woods.

Vanny: Ugh. Why is it so far?

Glitchtrap: I don’t know.

They approach an old warehouse to find it filled with bright lights loud music and people dancing.

Vanny: What the Hell is this?!

Bouncer: it’s a nightclub

Glitchtrap: We know what it is!

Bouncer: Then why did you ask?

Laterer!

Glitch trap: Any other places?

Helpy; Well there's an old bunker we can use.

Glitchtrap: Perfect!

They make it to the bunker it’s barely the size of a port a potty.

Vanny; This sucks.

Nightmare: Yeah you’re lucky i’m being used a chair.

Nightmare was being used by Glitchtrap as a chair.

3. The neighborhood

The animatronics were going to surprise Bryan, Vindi and Gregory but they were stopped at the gate to the hill neighborhood by a doorman.

Tippy(Get the reference?): Name?

Steve: Showtime Steve and the Glamrocks, and others

Tippy: *looking at a list* Sorry no on the approved list.

Foxy: There's a list?

Tippy: Yes. This is a private neighborhood.

Rockstar Freddy: Well we know Bryan, he lives here now let us in you overdressed gaurd

Tippy: do you have an invitation?

Steve: No.

Tippy: Then I cannot let you in.

R.Freddy: We’ll see about that.

He tries to storm past Tippy, but Tippy pulls out a tazer and shocks freddy with it, it makes him jolt about before collapsing.

#thefamousfilms #fnaf 6 #mcfnafverse #headcanons

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dazzasarchives · 3 months

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Fantastic Four Volume 1 Issue 5

Alright so the last issue introduced the Silver Age to a big player within Golden Age comics. Well this comic introduces one of Marvels greatest villains of all time, Dr Doom ( Victor von Doom ). I'll be honest when I saw the cover I got really excited to finally have Dr Doom show up.

Anyway on with the story. It starts out with the Fantastic Four in the Baxter Building, of course Johnny and the Thing are harassing one another yet again. Though what I like about this issue is that it feels like they disciplined Johnny more so than the Thing for this small quarrel. It's the little wins for us Thing lovers. Anyway as this is all transpiring the evil Dr Doom is hovering over the Baxter Building with a giant net. An electric asbestos lines net. Quick sidetrack, most ways to stop the Human Torch involve Asbestos, ah the good old days when Asbestos silver everything. I also find it a bit funny with the sliding timescale, because I don't know what to use for in place of Asbestos, like is everyone still using it even with all the Asbestos commercials out there?

Anyway Dr Doom tells the Fantastic Four to send up Sue Storm, which they comply to, and then he tells the others to also board his ship, which they do. He then tells Reed, Johnny, and Ben that he has built a time machine, and he is going to send them into the past to search for Blackbeard's treasure and that they have 48 hours. Wow, five issues and we've already encountered aliens, and time travel.

Well the three agree to go looking for the treasure. So Doom sends them back into the late 1600s, early 1700s, it doesn't give a specific date. Anyway the three land in the past, and they don some pirate outfits. I'll be honest I really like these outfits for the group, they're bright, and colorful some of my favorite outfits so far in the series. They also use these outfits to disguise Ben giving a big hat, and eye patch, and a black beard.

They head to an inn, and end up getting drugged by a pirate, who captures them and shows them aboard his ship. The three break out and easily take control over the vessel, mainly due to them having literal super powers, and this poor pirate crew just having 17th century weaponry.

After taking control over the vessel they are then attacked by another pirate vessel, and the three members fight back hoping that it it's Blackbeard. They end up winning the ship battle taking the other ships plunder, again by using their amazing abilities.

Well after taking the treasure from the other groups or pirates the Thing is being praised by them for his immense strength. He ends up wanting to stay with the pirates since he's been praised for his strength. Johnny and Reed try to force Ben to come back with them in which he orders his crew to capture his two friends, then a twister appears.

The twister hurtles towards the ship destroying it and throwing the three heroes onto a nearby island. Along with the treasure of Blackbeard. That's right Thing is Blackbeard. Well Dr Doom summons them back to his castle, he opens up the chest only to find chains. The Thing then goes to clobber him, only to find that it's a Doombot. I really like when villains call their robots something other robots and usually with their name or title.

The real Doctor Doom then traps the three members on an airlock chamber sucking the air from, until Sue, finally saves the day. She shuts off the system and saves the other three, finally five whole issues until she's done something.

The Four then set Doom's castle ablaze with him inside it but in standard super villain fashion he escapes, with a jetpack, how cool. So the Fantastic Four head off to the Baxter Building when Johnny states, " Gosh first Sub-Mariner now Dr Doom loose on Earth, What happens next?" Oh Johnny if only you knew.

So I really liked this comic Dr Doom is a decent villain starting out, again I love the cartoony quality that he has with his schemes. I don't mind the team at all this time, and Sue actually did something this issue, what a milestone. Anyways on to the character analysis.

Mister Fantastic was actually pretty decent this issue. Also I love his pirate attire, it's very nice. Also it is through him that we get Dr Doom's backstory, or at least the beginning of his backstory. As well as the birth of one of the greatest rivalries in Marvel comics.

Johnny was also pretty tolerable throughout this issue. In the beginning he was annoying but towards the end he was fine. Again I love his pirate attire, the yellow and green work really well with him, kinda makes me wish he would do a similar outfit later on.

The Thing, or should I say Blackbeard. I yet again love the Thing in this issue, I love that he becomes Blackbeard, and that he wanted to stay with the pirates. I mean it makes sense in his world he is viewed as a monster. While in this world, he's the greatest pirate to ever sail.

Sue, the writers finally let her do something besides get captured. I mean she did get captured but she single handedly foiled Dr Dooms plans. I'm so glad that she did, because this marks the beginning of Sue doing more with, and for the time, besides being a damsel in distress.

Dr Doom, possibly one of the most iconic Marvel Villains of all time. He's probably one of the best masterminds that Marvel has made, and his rivalry with Reed Richards, is purely iconic. Though in this comic, he's practically the same as any standard villain, just he has two pets, a Vulture, and a Tiger, named Gunther. Yes that's canon. Anyway I look forward to seeing Dr Doom become the primary antagonist of the Fantastic Four, and a major player in the universe.

Alright so I think that settles it for this issue. Our next thrilling tale will have the Fantastic Four facing off against two previous foes. Who could they be? Find out next time.

I do not own the images above they are property of Marvel Comics.

If you'd like to visit the site that I use to follow the Marvel Universe in Chronological Order please follow this link here:

Wanna continue with the next post of the series? Then please follow this link here:

If you missed the previous post, don't worry I got you. Follow this link right here please:

Or if you'd like to start the series from the beginning please click this link right here:

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showfallmediaarchives · 8 months

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[ This post was made using Showfall Media Text-To-Speech. If you believe there's been an error and would like to end Showfall Media Text-To-Speech, please say 'End transcript'. ]

[ Footsteps steadily approach. The sound of someone nervously humming the Indiana Jones theme is barely audible. ]

[ Voice Recognized: Marvin Bird. ]

M: “Uh… fuck, ok.”

[ Time between last spoken words: 4 seconds ]

M: “What the fuck, no, I’m not going to say that. Cliche as shit no one will- fuck, whatever.”

[ Footsteps get closer. Close to the mic, a person’s breath hitches in their throat. ]

M: “Right. Ok, mystery person, here’s the deal. I’m just here for my friend, ok? I want to make sure you didn’t kill them or some shit. Got it? I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here that this whole thing was because you were scared shitless. Believe me, I get it.”

[ Fabric shifting like someone is shuffling in place. ]

M: “So, just, tell me where the Archivist is, ok? I don’t want to pick fights or whatever. Just tell me where they are.”

[ The person near the mic clears their throat. ]

[ Voice Recognised : Ethan Nestor. ]

E: "You're not gonna hurt me, right? I know the weird people said you wouldn't, but I didn't mean to hurt them and-"

[ The talking stops, interrupted with a hearty cough. ]

E: "It's really dusty down here, sorry."

M: “Believe me, I know. Lived down here for fuckin’ months man. There’s probably asbestos and shit down here.”

[ Time between last spoken words: 6 seconds ]

M: “But yeah, I won’t hurt you.”

E: "There's fucking what?"

[ There is a shuffling noise, presumably Ethan getting out of his hiding place. ]

E: "How could you even live down here for a week, dude?"

M: “Honestly, I don't know how I… wait. You look familiar.”

E: "I mean, the weird asking people did say I was in a show? It didn't feel like a show though.."

[ There's a cough, almost covering the last part of the sentence. ]

M: “Oh, wait, yeah you were! Fuck, uh, what’s your name-“

[ Fingers snapping repeatedly. ]

M: “Ernest, Ester, Emmet, uh… Ethan! Ethan, right?”

E: "Yeah! Yeah,Ethan. And you are..?"

M: “Marvin Bird. Now, uh, as much as this re-kinda-introduction is nice, where is the Archivist?”

E: "They're here, I didn't want to leave it just in case, something happened. I'm so sorry."

[ Scraping ensues, moving objects. ]

M: “Ah, fuck. Ok, let’s see….”

[ Transcript has ended after a prolonged period of inactivity. Thank you for using Showfall Media Speech-To-Text! Posting… ]

#e!ethan #showfall ask blog #showfall media archives #showfall media ask blog #encoreverse blog #ask blog

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marta-bee · 8 months

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Pressing on with rereading Good Omens. I'm a little tired so didn't get particularly far, but I'm really enjoying the digs at things Americans supposedly don't know about the British. Take this footnote about firelighters:

Note for Americans and other city-dwelling life-forms: the rural British, having eschewed central heating as being far too complicated and in any case weakening moral fiber, prefer a system of piling small pieces of wood and lumps of coal, topped by large, wet logs, possibly made of asbestos, into small, smoldering heaps, known as "There's nothing like a roaring open fire is there?" Since none of these ingredients are naturally inclined to burn, underneath all this the apply a small, rectangular, waxy white lump, which burns cheerfully until the weight of the fire puts it out. These little white blocks are called firelighters. No one knows why.

As if America wasn't filled to the brim with all sorts of wilderness our fathers and uncles and all sorts insisted on dragging us to on every long weekend so we can alternately shoot, fish, or all but roll about in poison ivy. That was the typical American experience, wasn't it? Or was it just me?

This American at least had no shortage of campfires in her formative years. Though the bit about comfort softening moral fiber does seem particularly British, at least if the British boarding school novels I read a few of in middle school are any indication.

Or take this aside:

NOTE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE AND AMERICANS: One shelling = Five Pee.

Ah, yes. That's helpful. Pressing on....

It helps to understand the antique finances of the Witchfinder Army if you know the original British monetary system. Two farthings = One Ha'penny. Two ha'pennies = One Penny. Three pennies = A Thruenny Bit. Two Thrupences = A SixPence. Two Sixpences = One Shilling, or Bob. Two Bob = A Florin. One Florin and One Sixpence = Half a Crown. Four Half Crowns = Ten Bob Note. Two Ten Bob Notes = One Pound (or 240 pennies). One Pound and One Shilling = One Guinea. The British resisted decimalized currency for a long time because they thought it was too complicated.

I do have some sympathy, having spent a lot of time in Germany pre-Euro and travelling semi-regularly to France, Switzerland, and Italy. Good lord, what a difference a common currency made when it came around. I understand nostalgia and all that but how anyone could have had a preference for the old way baffles the mind.

I personally like to imagine this is more PTerry taking the piss out of Neil or quite possibly the other way around, and I quite like not being 100% sure who's making fun of whom. It's a very writerly thing to do, frankly.

*************

.... And, it looks like we're finally going to get the Agnes Nutter scene which should be a lot of fun in written form. But for some reason I thought it would be a smart idea to start a demanding new job and pull off an inter-state move at the same time. I'm surviving and even coming to like parts of it as I get more and more under my belt, but I'm also exhausted, so the Witchfinder Army's greatest defeat will have to wait. My brain is soup and demands a bit of a rest.

#good omens #book omens #marta rereads good omens

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