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uselessidiotsquad · 1 year

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Regarding Fhiaskko

One of my tiny, lovely shark rats! She has a lot more lore than I'd shared originally so I'm glad to be able to talk about her now without spoiling AoTH!

Under the cut to save your dash!

She is one of Mhonde's siblings, the second to youngest (so kid number 5). Fhia wasn't actively born cursed, it came much later. Being Priory, you can imagine the type of interesting artifacts and scrolls that one can find.

Her team were devoted to the research and study of newly made 'island' that Kralks body formed and the pieces of the Mists that it drug with it. Where else are you going to find chunks of the Godrealms that you can study? But we all know that Asuran curiosity often gets the better of them.

Already being doused in death magic, she'd had a knack for it since she was tottling around (a horrifying discovery for her parents, finding their then youngest with a crudely put together flesh wurm). So naturally she decided to explore the area devoted to Grenth.

The good news! Being Asura made her very much unafraid to delve into the deeper parts of the gods mechanisms and systems.

The bad news! Being Asura made her have absolutely no sense of reverence and a willingness to do extreme things for the sake of discovery.

Fhiaskko actually played a part in Riag/Ruby/Sigilis/Galla's story! I didn't get around to sharing it while the story was public but she was the one half way responsible for what set off the story's main driving point of Why is Trahearne Back and then What Do We Do Now.

The reason for why he is actually back is from an artifact discovered actually in Melandru's area that Fhia had the wise idea 'hey what if we take something that deals with life and nature magic and use it in the death and decay area - for science'. To which everyone in her team (also Krewe several joined the Priory with her) said:

"FHIA NO."

To which she said "FHIA YES."

She had studied some of Trahearne's magical workings in healing Orr and working with Undeath dragon magic and thought they could be extrapolated on to fit Death magic from God sources. While it had similar elements the Dragon magic has been studied more since people were trying to defeat Zhaitan and the magic of Grenth was seen as more of a 'this is holy/not something you go fiddling with/important to humans'.

Taking a step back for a moment, in my mythos - after the healing of Orr in Melandru's temple, whatever lingering influence of Melandru saw what the Commander the Marshal did and went 'oh cool thanks, i'll remember that'. The Gods aren't just like a singular entity but sort of a force. Kinda like a central figure but their energy is a slime mold that operates under a set of criteria (which is why humans can still invoke/call on the Gods even though they've dipped out because the god residue is left).

So when the same form of magic gets used in a place of death and influences of nature - that sort of ambient presence which only knows to create/influence life does the best it can.

However, since Melandru is more tied with humans than anything really Sylvari - it affects how he is brought back. This is why his pod is alarmingly 'not plant' when he emerges again. Also since it was used in a place of Death magic and he was so strongly associated with it - it like applies a filter for which energy to try and plop into a form.

Nutshell is something like this:

Fhia modifies some of the magic that Trahearne had employed in Orr, in a place of Death magic to activate a Life Magic based artifact ->

Lingering god residue recognizes the magic used but not the person so seeks out the original user ->

Original user wasn't Human so Life magic tries to create it as best as it can ->

The Dream is a collective library of experiences and personalities that sometimes get ladled out and mixed into new people ->

Given the filter being BIG DEATH MAGIC IMPORTANT HELPED IN ORR applied it really sorts out the pot and lets the right energy be picked, which happens to actually be Trahearne.

Meanwhile! Back to Fhia!

She done did a huge NO-NO! As a result of the life magic she activated, she is shielded from immediately being killed but the death magic has to go somewhere. So it's just around her in like an invisible shroud.

Her team went 'what in the actual fuck did you do' because they didn't see any like catastrophic results, it seemed to just fizzle out. The real workings of it were taking place back in the Grove, using the building blocks from the gods creation process of humans. So she just assumed it didn't work. Until hm wait why aren't the team following me back to the base camp they were right behind me - aaaaand they're all dead. That's unfortunate.

She was saddened but wrote it off as a 'well we are in the death gods slice of things it happens I guess!'

Naturally the rest of the Priory gave her the boot after finding out she did what she did and that her team had all suddenly died. So she goes back to Rata Sum to find a new Krewe to work on necro-technolgical studies and woops they all die in strange ways. Accidentally fell off of things, crushed by machinery, heart attack, attacked by animals, killed by bandits, you name it.

She just went 'wow weird coincidences'

But it kept happening and she just is in adamant denial that it has anything to do with her because 'superstitions' like being cursed are illogical. It's all a statistical improbability that is fascinating.

So as a person she is sharp witted, talkative, and exceedingly stubborn. She's not afraid to do things that others won't. She does care for her family but they've basically made it clear that since something about her Kills People they will only have dealings with her from afar. Fhia is a little hurt by this but hey if her family doesn't appreciate innovation then she can just be superficial and polite with them via letter.

Fhia is the positive side (well less negative) of her families drive for innovation. It's seen negatively in the eldest child who joined the Inquest. It's what burnt out Bhruizz to not give a shit about things or try very hard. It's what made Mhunizz seek shady means of fame/esteem rather than relying on achievement. And it's what makes Mhonde try to perfect his designs of golems and why he's not all that upset about making weapons that are um slightly unethical if used wrongly.

Thanks for reading this far about my Cursed Rat!

#gw2 #asura #Fhiaskko #ocs #gw2 asura #My Cursed Rat #Does anyone ever find out she's half way responsible for what she did?#Nope

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circular-bircular · 2 years

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yo wair what?? whats wrong with sophieinwonderland?? i mean i get like weird weird vibes from them but im usually just paranoid about these things i didn't know they were actually bad help

(feel free not to answer)

(btw im a singlet so like. i dont know much about plurality blogs i just kinda look at your posts cause theyre funky /lh /pos)

(Note: I believe SophieinWonderland uses she/her pronouns exclusively, so I'll be using those.)

This'll probably be one of the only ones of these I'll answer, and only because it became relevant again tonight. Sophie is always very polite, very kind, and does spread good information about Endogenic Plurality. She's actually said things I often agree with in the past.

She also:

Frequently ignores or speaks over the voices of those with DID/OSDD

Argues that DID/OSDD is not a trauma-based disorder and can form without trauma (which is something that those with DID/OSDD have had to fight against for years)

Has time and time again ignored the voices of both people of color and systems of color

Believes breaking boundaries (posting endogenic content in anti-endo tags despite those tags being used by those who are triggered by endogenic content, interacting with people who have endos DNI, etc) is absolutely fine, because "turnabout is fair play."

Believes that breaking those boundaries is the same thing as "enforcing" her boundaries.

Calls Anti-Endos a hate group (which is ignorant at best, and actively harmful at worse)

Agrees with TransID (Trans-Age, Trans-Abled, Trans-Race) individuals.

Minces words and twists them to avoid actual debate (such as derailing a post about how DID is trauma-based by focusing on the word "adversity" for over half the post and saying how it's not a good choice of words)

And, while there's more, I think one of the big things (syscourse wise, the racism has always been bad and I should've blocked ages ago) is the extremely heavy focus on diagnostic criteria. This is actually something I'm noticing more and more from the endogenic community. There's a heavy reliance on the DSM by many pro/endos to define DID/OSDD.

Most anti-endos I see acknowledge that the DSM is a horrible book, flawed in many ways, and needing improvement. It is a guide, not a cookbook - you can't use it as a checklist for "is this person a system or not." I do not fit the "textbook DID" that we see in most systems (I have "created" alters, I have near-perfect communication, I can control switches and have always been able to to some degree, etc etc) however I am still diagnosed, and anti-endos accept me because I am open about my experiences. Meanwhile, I get ran out of pro-endo spaces for these things, because "you can't be traumagenic if you experience that."

So seeing such a heavy focus from such a major pro/endo individual in syscourse on the DSM is... confusing and frustrating, to say the least.

Hope that helps, Anon!

#syscourse #this post cannot be reblogged #happy to have a singlet follower by the way!#i hope you're enjoying the bullshit

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calronhunt · 1 year

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Well I wanna know stuff about all of them SO for the COB Mains, with that ask thing: Numbers 4, 13 and 22!

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Funnily enough it's Mattias and Ava who fit this criteria and not the people who were raised to kill literal demons lol.

Mattias: So, I haven't gone super indepth into Mattias' father because Mattias overall had a very good childhood but he wasn't the best dude. not physically or even emotionally abusive to mattias when he was a kid, but he didn't really care about him. his mom and dad would get into arguments a lot of the time and he would often just pretend to not listen and play in his room. The day his dad walked out the argument was really really bad and Mattias snuck out of his room and saw the end of the fight. Mattias doesn't like to talk about it because he feels like he isn't allowed to be upset about it since a lot of people have a lot worse relationships with their dad then "he walked out one day" and it happened when he was a little little kid. Probably the only person he's opened up about that is Ava.

Ava: so this one is kinda the same as how ava was introduced to the shadow world, and i know i've said it a couple times, but her and a couple of her friends got attacked by vampires one day, and no one died, but a couple of them were very badly hurt before shadowhunters showed up and chased them off. And Ava being the only one who saw the vampires for what they really were and not being able to talk to anyone about it like. it's really fucked her up? she felt like she was going insane for a little bit? until she found the shadowhunters again and was taught about how the supernatural is real. Anyway seeing a lot of your friends bloodied from vampires and no one else saw them as vampires kinda fundamentally changed her.

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

Theron: No, not at all.

Dominic: Not particularly, but he doesn't like especially gruesome scenes or even deep wounds

Mattias: YEAH. IT BOTHERS HIM. He was raised in normal society so having to learn to become okay with blood (both demon ichor and normal blood on people) has been a struggle.

Nerissa: also not at all. Same shit different day.

Ava: Kinda the same as Mattias, but like I answered in the question above, she was fundamentally changed because of how she was introduced to the shadow world. She's still a little icked out by blood, but having that kind of experience with vampires kinda. beats that out of you.

22. What does your character like in other people?

Theron: kindness, someone who will listen to his problems, affection

Dominic: Attention, give him what he wants, non-confrontational (Bonus points if you are a big hairy man)

Mattias: Gentle demeanor, someone who he can joke around with, someone who he can teach new things to.

Nerissa: she is literally the hardest one to figure out. She's so emotionally repressed. uhhhh fucking. she likes. people who will make the first move. i guess?

Ava: someone to joke around with, someone she can teasingly make fun of, literally just a normal fucking person which no one in COB can be.

#ask

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occult-roommates · 1 year

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Lügner, Lügnerin

Back at Audrey’s place, Dawud brushed his teeth, as he was getting ready to go to bed. However, upon hearing his best friend cry in her bedroom, he had to make sure everything’s ok in there.

Audrey: I’m so scared, what if aliens literally don’t like me...Oh my god, what if aliens are racist? Dawud: Hey, don’t worry. One of my roommates is an alien and they’re very much in love with black Earthling women. Audrey: ...Dav...What are you even talking about? Dawud: Look, Audrey, in theory I’m supposed to keep it a secret, but that’s the truth, and I’ve been wanting to tell you for months. One of my roommates is an alien, I am not joking. Their name is Kino Gurafee and- Audrey: Kino? Dawud, you’re making this up. It’s literally the German word for movie theater. Like, I remember back in high school we did a project for German class where had to talk about, and I still remember this sentence verbatim years later from how hard we memorized this project; der letzte Film den wir im Kino gesehen haben. In fact, Kino Gurafee sounds like a play on cinematography. Dawud: Why would I make a play on cinematography out of all the words on the planet? Audrey, if I was messing with you, I would have name the alien something like Diese Nawtz or Uar Mome. Audrey: I also remember while we were doing that project back that you got fixated on the word Kinematographie and would repeat it on loop for months on end.

Dawud had no memory of this category 5 echolalia event, but now that she mentions it, yeah, it did happen. Damn, that girl memory might actually be way too efficient for her own good. Anyway, he started arguing with her that no, he’s not lying, he does indeed live with an alien and then...she slapped him, out of nowhere.

Dawud: What the fuck Audrey! Audrey: Look, I might be an autistic girly girly girl, I might love pink and have an actual unicorn decal on my wall and be obsessed with aliens, but I’m still a grown ass woman. Don’t start telling me very obvious lie in order to make me feel better like you’d do to a child! Dawud: Alright! Yes, I’m lying! You’re happy now!

Well, he did not sound convincing at all. But instead of pissing off Audrey even more, it just made her regret slapping him, it was obvious enough he was hurt, not just physically but emotionally.

Audrey: D-Dav I’m so sorry. Dawud: I’m so tired of lies. Like, earlier this month, I freaked out at Daniele and my pilot friend from work cause Dan told me he made out with him. And in hindsight I feel so stupid for not realizing it right away. It was so obviously fake. I hate lying actually, make me feel bad. Audrey: Wow, go tell that to your mother, who you pretended you were still in school for more than a year when in actuality for most of that time you were a depressed NEET sleeping on my couch. Dawud: Ok, yes that was messed up, but you thought I was happy and comfortable living a lie? In fact, while she knows the truth now, I’m pretty sure it strained our relationship by a lot, which really fucking hurt. She might never trust me ever again after that. Ever since, I try to be as honest as possible. Audrey: Thank god cause that whole alien roommate thing shows you’re a pretty bad liar actually when you’re in front of the person. At least you got away with lying to your mom by avoiding her for a whole 18 months. Dawud: I’m not even good in telling when people are lying. Like that whole body language thing sounds like bullshit honestly...That or I might be autistic too, I don’t know. I feel like I don’t have enough traits to qualify, but I wonder pretty often. Audrey: I mean, I’ve been suspecting it too...And so does my mom...Your mom knows but she doesn’t believe it. Dawud: What?? Audrey: Yeah, back in 5th grade when I got diagnosed, my mom noticed you also fit a lot of the criteria, so she told your mom and she kinda denied it cause admitting it would “put your future in jeopardy”. Also it was around the time your father’s died so you were under a lot of stress already, and you were being bullied a lot to begin with. That would just have put even more weight on your shoulders. Dawud: I don’t even understand why I was being bullied so much back in elementary school! I mean, I don’t think it was that obvious I would grow up to be queer and I only got fat during puberty. Audrey: Well, you are from an Iraqi family and it was the 2000s...

Oh, ok that was a lot to take in on a Saturday morning at 4 am. Well, assuming he indeed is, that would...explain a lot. Yeah, getting diagnosed in 5th grade would have put a lot of weight on his shoulders, but so is being an undiagnosed adult who is trying to make it into this world as if nothing is wrong. Also, funny his mom didn’t want to get him diagnosed cause it would put his future in jeopardy, but in the end Audrey ended up a fine mostly functional adult and he’s just been all over the place in recent years...Sometime he wasn’t even all over the place, he was just straight up in a dark place.

Audrey: Though, let’s say, considering we’ve been the best of friends since kindergarten, I know it’s because we were next door neighbours and our parents were friends, but like...Ok, it’s ironic cause I’m about to use an idiom, but you know, birds of a feather fuck together. Dawud: ...Don’t you mean flock together??? Audrey: I mean...they can fuck too...If you know what I mean. Dawud: No, in fact I don’t.

Whelp, Audrey don’t know what she expected.

It all started because Audrey wanted to see a flying saucer, and now he’s finding out something new about himself. I mean, it’s not 100% confirmed, but it seems pretty likely. Much to process and think about as he’s trying to fall asleep at 4:30 in the morning.

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#ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #simblr #ts4 simblr #sims community #sims 4 community #occult roommates #audrey newberry #dawud sahan #long post #no its actually 4 am where i live too i really need to go to sleep #OcRo s1

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opinated-user · 2 years

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It's really weird but not surprising that Lily hates omegaverse porn because it's apparently degrading toward woman (even though it's mostly a m/m pairing trope) when she herself asks her audience to send her porny asks based around degradation kink. Like it's once again lily hating on people (women mostly) who have the same fetish she does but somehow saying the way she does it is superior.

It's just crazy to me that her and her wife will use people like Sarah z, or Jenny Nicholson as stock white women who like porn/ ships they find bad, yet by their own mouth, they fit that same criteria. Maybe that's why lily constantly brings up she's native because if she didn't it'd be very clear she fits the stereotypical white woman she's been complaining about for so long.

it's "i'm not like other girls" type of misogyny but instead of teenage girls who won't know any better and are still growing is a 30 year old woman hating on women in their 20s. it's kinda pathetic.

#lily orchard

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 4 months

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20 Questions for Writers

Tagged by @cxttlefishcxller, thank you my friend!

I really wanted to tag Pix, but I can’t seem to remember your blog’s URL. ;;;

Note: I am unsure if "fic" here indicates fanfic or also includes original fic, but I assumed fanfic for some reason? Meh, most of what I write is fanfiction anyways.

Also, this got really long....

How many works do you have on AO3?

So, I don't really have many fics posted on Ao3. I have like. Three, I think? I'm working on moving them over! I just only want the Rewritten Better Versions on Ao3.

Update: It's 4! I forgot I put the Ruby Gloom fic up there hoping someone would adopt it.

(Fanfiction.net has 33, for comparsion.)

What is your total AO3 word count?

...How does one find that out without manually adding the numbers up....????

Edit: I found the Statistics page. It's 35,853

Fanfic.net would be over 300,000 though.

What fandoms do you write for?

Actively: Teen Titans and Pokemon! I also started a Ruby Gloom fic and almost-entirely-outlined but never-fully-wrote a Steven Universe fanfic. (Well, I did finish the Ocean Gem scene from Lapis's POV. Does that count?)

As far as RPing (you did only say "write for", after all!): - Teen Titans (Dove's main verse, which is part 00's show and part 80's comics) - Steven Universe (my Lapis blog was kinda active for awhile and though my Blue Diamond blog never saw any actual roleplaying, I did write a lot of headcanons!) - Yu-Gi-Oh! (Ryou Bakura, like Blue, was never roleplayed except once on rabb.it but I wrote scattered heacanons) - DCAMU (Raven, of course! Would love to get some actual rps going with her again. But alas. The Horrors.)

What are your top five fics by kudos?

So, kudos is specific to Ao3, and I don't have a lot there. Apparently, uhh.... the only fic that has any kudos at all is the 14 on Unforeseen and Unforesaken.

....I was going to say "But on fanfic.net..." Except fanfic.net doesn't have a comparable feature. {lD;;

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really should! I just. Keep forgetting to check my email. I would, given the time and attention spoons and a computer that actually stays connected to the internet for longer than 15 minutes at a time...

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's not done yet. But it's going to be the final chapter of DDD. Dove literally asks, "I killed five people. Do I deserve to die?" It's... going to be Intense and come with a few content warnings because it's HEAVY.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

So far? Uhhhh........ I mean, A work of Magic (Pokemon fic) is pretty upbeat so far. The story basically BEGINS with Jess wanting to raise a Misdreavus and Mismagius (and finding them); Murky hating his flock (and he's with a trainer now so he's away from them); Missie being abandoned (but then found by a trainer who loves her!); and Mistress's arc is in the works (ha) but it's already begun (she's mad about her species being hated for their reputation but Jess doesn't care about that). It's going to be ALL happy endings.

I think, in the published stories, it might be between Mystery Sickness (Raven heals from the titular sickness and everyone's happy!) or Missing: Raven (wherein the titular missing Raven returns and everyone's happy!). In my unpublished fics though... Fire and Flight is going to end with Dove and Srentha getting married, and that's a really blissful scene for them, of course. This is hard actually because I don't like NOT-happy endings! They mostly all do except the ones that have direct sequels (DDD and Something Special).

Do you get hate on your fic?

Oh my stars, I USED to! Dove's core concept - "Raven's sister" - made SO many people mad! Keep in mind, I started sharing my stories in 2005 or 2006. Writing a character that fit arbitrary criteria that everyone else except me somehow knew was a !!SIN!!. (Two exclamation points for Mercymorn vibes are, in this case, intentional.)

One of the first things I shared was Dove's character bio. And people almost always said things like "She's a Mary Sue!" Simply because she was related to Raven. Or "She has too many powers!" (And Raven canonically has a new power like every 3 issues in the comics; what's your point?) People also said I wasn't allowed to make Dove like J-Pop because I also liked J-pop. Which is. Like. ??? H u h ? ? ? ???

It didn't make sense to me then and it doesn't make sense to me now.

I don't think I've gotten any hate in the past 10 years or so, though. Though I personally consider it equivalent to hate when someone goes to my Teen Titans stories and, in a review on that Teen Titans fanfic, without commenting on anything whatsoever regarding the content of the Teen Titans story, asks me to update the Ruby Gloom fic.

Fuck off.

(I got Really Painfully Disappointed when I saw that email that someone reviewed DDD! The first review on that story in YEARS! A story I've poured my heart and soul [and a little bit of my own mindscape experience] into creating! Only for it to be someone begging--on the WRONG DAMN STORY-- for me to update something I already explicitly said I was no longer writing.)

Do you write smut?

Not really. Not often. Not well. I mostly just have outlines. And there are like. Five scenes outlined. Brief scenes. (99.5% of the time, I don't care about smut at all. It's just not fun for me unless I am REALLY in EXACTLY the right mood to have fun with it.)

Do you write crossovers?

I did once! Unfortunately that was the only time I ever felt shame, because I thought it was Too Self-Indulgent and for some reason decided it was silly. Pokemon and Teen Titans. Dove gets a transportation spell wrong and ends up in the Pokemon world, and accidentally catches a Misdreavus. (Because what else would I write about in the Pokemon world? XD) I had this really fun idea about the ghost getting stuck in Raven's mindscape and Dove has to go in there to retrieve it. But I simply didn't have any idea where the story was going and lost interest. It's the only story I've ever deleted, and I regret it so much. I lost the flashdrive that had the original file on it and all the notes for that scene, too. u.u

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. Although, let's be real, the idea that "Raven has a sister named Dove" is Very Far from Unique. Stories like that were all over 2000's fanfic.net. (I named my Dove independently and refuse to change it. It Has MEANING for mine, okay!)

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge?

Have you ever co-written a fic?

Most of the process! Sort of. A Work of Magic (my ACTUAL Pokemon fanfiction) is going to involve my best friend's trainer character as my trainer character's traveling companion! Eventually. Assuming I ever publish enough of the story to solidify Jess's team first....

That's also assuming rping doesn't count, by the way. I assume you mean fic as in "fanfiction specifically". But if RPs count, I have co-authored a GREAT many fics! In fact the first 5ish years I was roleplaying, it was in a chatroom specifically for Teen Titans OCs!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

This may be cheating, but my VERY FAVORITE ship is actually my OCxOC ship, Dove and Srentha! Secretshipping! My babies. The first romantic interest/couple I ever actually cared about.

If it HAAAAS to be a ship of characters within the realm of canon... JeriRae is probably the one. Though Lapidot was a contender for awhile.

I also really liked the OCxRaven ship in my favorite Teen Titans fanfiction... before I reread it at an age where I realized it's Weird to ship a 25 year old man with a character that the story states "hasn't even reached her sixteenth birthday". Their dynamic would be REALLY exciting if it wasn't a little creepy.

What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly? All the smut scenes. I write at such an agonizingly slow pace as it is, but when I'm not actually In the Mood For Smutty Things, I'm actually mildly s*x-repulsed and when I'm not repulsed, I am simply Disinterested, and I'm not going to write it if it's Not Interesting.

What are your writing strengths?

Characterization so every character feels unique and alive! Maybe dialogue, as a subset of characterization and also sounding Pretty Natural? Using descriptive words that paint vivid pictures and echo vivid sounds and evoke powerful emotions! I've gotten my writing to a place where it generally flows very well, syntax-wise. Immersive descriptions of sensory experiences (especially tactile and auditory). Being able to get into the character's head and write the scene As They See It without using first-person. Character growth and developement is a Big Thing. I'm also learning to write better metaphors! (Still learning quite the right places to wield them, but I used to use a ton of hyperbole and modifiers that kinda killed the mood. I'm getting WAY better at them now though!)

Also, fic-specific: Hella headcanons! Especially for something I'm really interested in, like Azarath or how Raven's powers work. My analytical mind combined with the joy and perpetuity of hyperfixation means I analyze a LOT of little details in canon.

I can take a line that only briefly mentions a "magistrate of food production" and extrapolate an Entire Aspect of Society. (They have people in charge of food production! It's an organized aspect of society! It's HIERARCHICAL. "Magistrate" means he's judging things; he's not the only one calling the shots! It's PRODUCTION, which means it's not all foraged! They have a whole system for it; it's REGULATED! And I'm just now, at this very moment, thinking "holy shit, what did they do when the magistrate of food production fucking PERISHED"... not like that was the most important part of that scene. But. I never considered that before. Food is pretty important. I actually need to gnaw on this for awhile.)

What are your writing weaknesses?

Humor and fight scenes. Also fluff and smut, but I don't really enjoy writing those. There may be Occasional Fluff, especially in secretshipping scenes with Dove and Srentha, and usually it comes out pretty sweet, but it's always wrapped in Actual Story. And smut just. Doesn't really have any place in my writing. I've outlined a few things, "fully written" one singular lime scene. (It might eventually someday possibly conceivably become more than a lime. Maybe.)

But humor? I absolutely suck at that. My Pokemon fanfic has some humor elements, and sometimes the character narrating the scene via limited third person or omniscient makes a dry comment, and I appreciate dry humor. But humor just isn't... something I gravitate towards naturally. And when I do, it's dry and subtle and understated.

I tried to write a funny moment into DDD where Dove tries doing laundry with her powers, they go out of control, she gets the clothes mixed up and because Dove isn't from Earth and didn't know they have to stay separate in the washer, the whites and colors get mixed, and so Beast Boy laments his clothes turning pink. The scene ends with Beast Boy teasing her and saying he'll just get revenge, and Robin says, "So everyone except Dove: Watch for trip wires." It feels SO out of place in DDD. (You know: The story where murders happen and Dove has a breakdown.) I was going for "Break the dramatic tension with humor". You know. Comic relief. I'm not sure how well it worked.

And fight scenes? I can imagine Some Things Happening, but it's always in brief snatches of moments. I can't follow the flow of a fight in my head. I mostly describe it in snapshots, because I don't enjoy fights much. I don't enjoy physical training or sports or martial arts or war stories. I even zone out during Teen Titans (My #1 Hyperfixation) episodes when they're fighting. I don't enjoy writing them and I don't enjoy content of them, so I kind of just. Can't even figure out how they work. Solution: Slap a few serviceable moments together and call it a day. It's not a skill I intend to polish beyond "just get it over with so I can get to the COOL part". Cool, subjectively, being the part AFTER the fight.

I will say that I GREATLY enjoyed both the process of writing and somewhat enjoyed the result of the DDD climax battle! Chapter 20, the largely-abstract battle between Raven and Dove in Dove's mindscape. I absolutely LOVED playing around with how an empath and a telepath would wage war when they're LITERALLY INSIDE SOMEONE'S MIND! I didn't have to coordinate hits and weapons in my head; it was all abstract, emotional, redirection stuff that DOES capture my imagination!

But how often am I ever going to write an empath and a telepath fighting in a mindscape? It's the only battle scene I've ever written that I'm actually HAPPY with. (....event-wise, anyways. Not at all happy with the rhythm/prose/style. I like What Happens in the battle, not How It's Written. But the thing about not enjoying, and thus not practicing, a thing is that I'm not going to be good at it even when I really want to be.)

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I kinda do that already! Though most of it is in a conlang... Not sure if that counts. (I don't think I've published it anywhere. But if you've ever seen the scene I posted on dA that ends in "May your spirit soar free"? I hadn't done it at the time, but I now know how that's written: Phiareh se-o a'erentha.) Names come into play for character!Zira, particularly Ciraen and Zirane, and Leyla and Dove both have "affectionate" names used to denote especially deep fondness and significance. I don't think I've ever written an entire CONVERSATION in another language though.

Oh, and I intersperse Rorek's dialog with Latin at the beginning of that story because I'm a dork for Latin and he's supposed to have been ripped from the past and is ~magically~ learning English. It's a transition.

Anyways, I think it's fine but I think people should try to find a beta who knows the language.

First fandom you wrote for?

Does "inventing a Yu-Gi-Oh! card" count as writing? Because if so, probably that. If not: Does imagining a species count as writing? Then Pokemon or Yoshi (both of Nintendo fame). As far as actually fully writing out the stories in words with the intent for them to be read as a narrative: that's 100% Teen Titans.

Favorite fic you've ever written?

What is my favorite star in the sky? My favorite leaf on a tree? Which tidal wave is the moon's favorite? By the gods, I can't pick just ONE. I love them all for the whole tapestry they weave, and my Current Favorite changes by the day. The most statistically common "Favorites" tend to be:

- Dove's Dark Discovery (because writing the mindscape scenes was SO DAMN FUN!) - The Final Journey (I'm writing about Azar and that's very important to me for private Nexus reasons, but it's also important to DOVE! And it's a classic Adventure Quest story with a twist of "she's still getting over the fact that she killed people") - Something Special About Srentha (perhaps my most coherent plot to date and headcanoning Azarathean history like CRAZY) - Growing Up Demon (Leyla's childhood scenes that don't fit elsewhere and she's very fun and very loved and it warms my heart A Lot-- some of the only time I enjoy writing slice of life, but is it really slice of life when your life is magic and demons?) - A Work of Magic is my favorite when I'm in Pokemon-hyperfixation mode or am just really appreciating warm-fuzzies and low stakes.

...

Holy fricking gods I'm tired. I read that last question as "first fic you've ever written" and. Answer under the read-more because I typed that all out and I Like The Answer, but it's not....... the answer it's asking for. {lD;;

Oh great gods, define "writing"! I was playing out stories with my PowerPuff plush figure things at like age 5. I made up characters and species for Pokemon and Yoshi when I was that age, possibly even younger! And I made up Dove at a VERY young age, considering I'm still writing about her at age 30: I must have been 10 or 11! I came up with her Core Concept veeeery shortly after getting into Teen Titans. I specifically remember playing pretend when Teen Titans was still airing; my oldest sister was playing Terra and I was playing Dove. We were playing toys with a spare Raven Bandai figure being Raven's sister named Dove (something about time travel and crossing a river in a boat made of legos?) the night Spellbound aired. That was... (checks internet) October of 2004!

And the oldest writings I have dated-- as in, writings when I actually wrote down the date I put the words on paper-- are Dove stories from 2005. But I know I was writing the stories down on paper about a year before I actually started writing the dates down. So at the VERY latest, I started "writing" fics in 2005.

I don't think I started Intentionally Writing Fanfiction, as it actually

I'm tagging: Under the singular condition that you actually want to do it! @mymixofmuses @orionsdestiny @sirenianheart @impulse-goblin

+AND: Anyone else who sees this and wants to do it! Frankly I'm not sure who else writes. @monstrousgourmandizingcats, if it can be interpreted as original fic?

#answers list

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hazedxhealing · 5 months

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i am now super curious why you thought you were a system, what brought you to believe you were a system, and why you stopped believing you were a system. do you still experience "system-esque" experiences but consider them singlet experiences now?

also my comment about you sounding like a detrans individual is like a comparison of apples to oranges, similar in my brain although obviously different in other ways. just because you were mistaken about your plural experiences does not mean that everyone else is, which is similar (not equal or the exact same, but similar) to some detrans people assuming everyone else is actually not trans and was deluded / misinformed.

and i will seethe, because it's frustrating to see singlets spread judgemental nonsense when the science doesn't conclusively say shit. the science doesn't say "there's definitely no way to experience multiple people in the brain without trauma", it says that the disorder labeled DID is the primary way they see it and treat it, since IT'S A DISORDER. if its not a disorder for someone, why would DISORDER specialists CARE? most research of systemhood (that isn't "aww look at this sad person who was hurt so so bad and cannot function :(( they need to become Whole again <3 i hope they become Normal and One Being instead of being InSaNe") is still in its 'childhood'. just like... a lot of science relating to the brain, imo.

anyway i will block you after you respond to this ask, it's just annoying to see singlets in syscourse. you cannot speak for us. you do not speak for the system community unless you ARE a system or are a professional that is trustworthy and fact checked to not be an ableist shitbag.

I’m going to preface this, again, with how I’ve done my own extensive almost decade long independent research, where I dug up literal studies, done by medical professionals, and cross referenced that with the multiple versions of the DSM-5 and psych textbooks I was studying. I then took that information, complied a list of questions, and asked my own psychiatrist these questions after my appointments off record, and cross referenced that with what information I’d already had. And then I took all of that multiple years worth of research I’d done and took it to my best friend who is a LITERAL CERTIFIED PSYCH WHO WENT TO COLLEGE FOR IT, and we cross referenced all of that with her own textbooks and DSM-5 variations.

I’ve done enough research to know what I’m talking about. I’ve gotten enough confirmation from medical professionals to know what I’m talking about. Science, and psychology, say that the only way to be plural outside of cultural differences is severe and repetitive childhood trauma. There is no other way to break the psyche down enough to cause fragmentation of one’s personality.

I thought I was a system for multiple different reasons, one being I fit the criteria including severe repeated childhood trauma as well as a few other factors that can be comorbid with other disorders.

I would have to completely trauma dump to explain where the line between what I thought it was and what it actually was happened.

But for a good bit of my formative years I’d had these symptoms, and lived my life as a system. Flash forward to being with my ex husband, who WAS FAKING DID HIMSELF, who had me brainwashed, who Munchhausen by proxy-ed me multiple times before, was using the same logic endos have and willing alters to appear. He was MAKING alter, the same way endos do, and even with his own, he used them as a crutch to abuse me.

So, I went to my - again, medically certified - psych best friend, and was like, hey (insert big long text about how my plural experience seems fucky and I’m kinda confused) and she came back with (insert long message about how it’s not DID, it’s BPD and my ex husband definitely forced the DID dx on me but I didn’t know it was forced into me because, again, brainwashed, MCBP)

I have enough of an experience with how DID does and doesn’t worth, I have enough of my own experience, plus watching my ex husband faking, plus multiple medical professionals confirming the research I’d done, plus the research itself, to have a leg in this conversation.

If you don’t like that I am advocating for people to STOP FAKING SERIOUS AND DEBILITATING MENTAL ILLNESS then that is a you problem, not a me problem. If you would rather people continue to make it harder for you to be taken seriously, or to be treated in times like medical abuse, or make it even harder to be evaluated because of the culture around DIDOSDD they are laying down, then go for it but I’m not going to continue to let people use a disorder caused by the most horrific childhood experiences for clout.

#anti endo #anti endogenic #endos dni #syscourse #endos aren't real #tw syscourse #endos shut the fuck up challenge (impossible)#did is a disorder #fake disorder cringe #did research #stop faking did you clowns #(still advocating)#(no longer questioning)

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atlasifyllm · 1 year

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i'm kinda curious how well sul fits into the typical shonen anime tropes, considering i haven't watched a LOT

ruby i'd say represents a shonen protag fairly well, considering she's been inspired by such since the beginning

jay is kind of difficult to pinpoint; they're definitely the "edgy one" but they're not a rival. they're not even a villain either; i think a lot of their tropes i definitely pull from western characters. if i had to say something i'd say they're meant to represent the flip-flopping of the typical shonen protag by being inspired by ed elric rather than [insert toy anime here], but even that comparison isn't super strong.

blaze is definitely the "best friend of the protagonist" archetype; those characters that dont matter to the plot as much as the protag and their rival, but still are there to make the protag feel less alone and have someone who is their sort of anti-lancer. blaze's growth is simple but still very much There

rina is also another character i think pulls from western media as much as jay. she definitely fits the criteria for "the girl", of the group, but that's a huge disservice as to what rina SHOULD be in the story. considering cassandra from tangled, catra from spop, and jinx from arcane are all influences that my beta reader bestie said i should look into for her reference... yeah, she definitely does fall under a lot of western influence. then again, out of the shonen anime i've watched, i havent been SUPER wowed by female characters (with the exception of fma but thats a given)

turqbalt also fulfills the role of "best friend of the protagonist", but mixed into the typical "red oni blue oni" and rival. i dont wanna make him too angsty or brooding (derogatory), so maybe he's not the PERFECT edgy rival archetype, but i'm also still trying to play into how calming the color blue is as a color, considering thats the point of his character representing the color blue

amethyst DEFINITELY is the dark magical girl trope; i'd love to research more about what that means. i think with it being a mahou shoujo trope ame is definitely not as edgy as shonen rivals can be, and her being the "dark one" of the paladins is definitely portrayed in a different way than cobalt's "edgy rival". definitely a trope i wanna look more into; see what works and what doesnt

finally, rose is meant to be more of a majou shoujo protagonist; yeah i said i'd be talking about shonen tropes but her being a shoujo protag is meant to contrast ruby being the perfect shonen protag. they have similar core values of friendship, love, and heroism but go about them in different ways; however it's not like they'd butt heads about it, but understand each other in a way different to the others simply because no one else has the weight of "protagonist" on their shoulders as much they feel.

overall i want sul to FEEL like an anime, but still break enough of the tropes because i still am a western creator who enjoys aspects of western creations while still respecting how much i enjoy anime ways of creating

#atlas speaks;#sul text;

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fandomcrysis · 2 years

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All the hours I lost // 02

Part two: We're on earth to break each other's hearts

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x gn! reader

Genre: Itty bitty fluff and pure unfiltered angst

Warnings: Cursing (I have a really really dirty mouth :/), kinda delusional reader , fighting, alcohol, manga spoilers? well more like you'll need the manga to get more context to the story (Shibuya Incident arc)

Summary: When the initial magic of novelty wears off, when the honeymoon phase ends. Slowly the bittersweet moments just turn bitter and everything you so carefully tried to take care of withers. Yet you refuse to believe fate made a mistake connecting you. (Soulmates au)

Word count: 4.7k

A/n: Part two of my fic to @yuujispinkhair ’s Enchanted to meet you collab. Again I can't stress enough how amazing she is. 💕💖💘

This is a song fic, to get the full context please check out All too well by Taylor Swift! (You don’t have to it, makes sense without it but it makes more sense with it)

Well, another big boy fic, it's funny because I cut a whole ass scene from this one (it will go into part 3 instead) and it's still almost 5k words. I'm a huge fan of angst as is, but now I'm actually not doing too well so I feel like I'm in my joker phase xdddd. My villainry is just writing really hurtful angst, or at least I hope it is. (I will cry if it's bad angst instead hdhjfbsdjb) but I promise the next part won’t be this bad. Please enjoy~ 💕

This isn't beta read and I'm painfully dyslexic. So if you find something please let me know so I can correct myself.

Lovely people on the taglist💕: @cerealfrdinner797 , @brumous11 , @nappingwithyuuji

Part one

1 year 2 months 1 week 6 days 10 hours 3 minutes 1 second

“How about this one? Do you think he’ll like it?” Gojo shoves a blue plush lion in your face, to show it off.

“‘Toru, he’s one, you can buy him anything big and colorful and he’s gonna love it,” you state calmly while taking the winking lion from him. It fits all the criteria so it might as well be the one.

“So, can we get it? And this too then? They are both really cute, I can’t decide.” The tall man gives you a purple bear this time with a suspicious look on its face. Both the lion and the bear come from the same line of brightly colored wild animals, and you are sure Satoru will try to buy each one of them, one by one, if you don’t step in. It’s your friend’s son’s first birthday party and you don’t want to outdo his parents so you need to limit your partner.

“Baby, choose one and we’ll get him some kind of block puzzle with it. It wouldn't be appropriate to steal the spotlight with a huge gift,” you reason with the big kid that is your boyfriend. He takes one sad look at the lion plushie and he puts it back, from the looks of it the decision was a sad one but not a hard one.

“That was quick, I expected a whole scene. What made you choose the bear?” you question him in a cheery voice when you get to the puzzle section in the next aisle. He has the bear in his right arm hugging it to his torso. Satoru looks up from the 'find the pair’ game he picked up and looks at the bear with a little smile.

“It reminds me of my best friend,” his grin is wide, as he goes back to the puzzle in his hand. You look at the bear, curious what kind of person Gojo Satoru’s best friend would be. The bear is an eggplant purple, its thinner, tilted eyes make it look foxy and the mischievous smirk on its face gives the impression that he’s up to no good. Looking at the bear you can clearly see how a person like that would be friends with your boyfriend, they both look way too happy to wreak havoc.

“Do they look this shady?” you inquire further, while you look at another set of blocks.

“Yes, he does.” He sounds distant like he’s lost in the past.

“And is he? I mean as shady as he looks.” You latch onto this opportunity to know more about his life, although you have a feeling that you won’t get a lot out of him.

“He’s even worse than he looks,” he muses, now looking at the bear. The fondness in his eyes is clear, it makes you wonder if he would ever talk about you this way.

“Then I get why you are such close friends,” you say with a little smirk on your face, waiting for him to catch on. When he does he rolls his eyes at you with an amused smile.

“Do you really think I’m shady?” he pouts hoping that you would say no, maybe even give him a kiss.

“Of course, I do. I can’t name one person shadier than you. I literally met you while you were breaking into an abandoned church.” You hand him a puzzle to see what he thinks.

“You’re mean,” he replies with a sour look on his face which makes you giggle. How are you supposed to take him seriously when he has his hands full with children’s toys and he pouts just like a kid?

“Am I now?” You put your hands on your hips, waiting for him to approve of the gift. While he is busy with that, your eyes wander on the plushie again. He looks like he misses his friend. People don’t seem that lost in the past when they’ve met their best friend just the day before.

“Would you like the bear?” you offer him suddenly. As much as you want to know more you don’t want to get shut down again. Today is a good day and you don’t want to turn it bittersweet. That’s exactly why you force yourself to stop thinking about how you accepted that he will never let you in.

“What?” He furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“You look like you miss him. If you want we can get Kei the lion and you can get the bear. It would fit right in with your house if you ask me,” you explain, although you can’t help but point out how out of place it would be in his mancave. But maybe seeing that large bear in his house from time to time would make him feel better. He peaks at the toy, then back at you and pulls you in a half hug, as his other arm was full with the plushie. He presses a long kiss on top of your head, you reciprocate the hug by wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning into him.

“You really are the best, Love.” He murmurs when he leans back, as a response you press a quick peck on his lips. You marvel at the fact that you made him happy while watching him go back for the lion with the biggest grin on his face. After you gathered everything you wanted to buy, Gojo ventured off again to look at something while you were paying for the toys.

“You two are really adorable together, it’s rare to see people this in love,” the cashier smiles at you while he scans your items. You smile back at him and look back over your shoulder to your boyfriend before thanking him.

“And how old is the kid?” he inquires further as he puts the bear in a big bag.

“He’s one. I hope we got the presents right for his age.” You converse with the cashier hoping that you didn’t get anything he can’t use. Now, you kind of regret not asking your friend what to get.

“Oh no, these are perfect. I was just curious. Let’s hope the young man grows up to be like his dad.” You don’t want to correct him on the fact that you aren’t shopping for your child, it’s not like you’ll see the cashier again, there’s no reason to. As for the comment, you know he means well, and he probably refers to being tall or handsome or strong or just generally any of Gojo’s traditionally attractive traits. You know that, but honestly, you can’t stop your gut reaction.

“Oh god no, I would probably go insane if I had another Satoru running around.”

1 year 6 months 2 weeks 2 days 12 hours 22 minutes 50 seconds

“I can’t keep doing this, Satoru. And you can’t either. We’re supposed to be soulmates damn it. You can’t introduce me to even one of your friends! Hell, do they even know about me?” You are at your limit again. You were patient, you did your best to trust him, but you’ve known each other for a whole year and a half. And it’s been more than 6 months since the night at the park. Since his empty promise to try harder for you.

Nothing happened since, at least not on his end. You don’t know his parents' name, let alone met them. You on the other hand introduced him to your family because your parents were talking your ear off about finally meeting your soulmate. So, you took him home for dinner with your family. As expected he charmed your parents like it was his job, he actually made an effort to not come off as the jerk he usually is. You remember staring at him starry-eyed trying to digest the reality that you might marry this man one day.

“Calm down, please. It’s not a big deal, I just never got around to it,” he tried his best to diffuse the situation but it was just fuel to the fire. How can he say this? How can you trust him when he disregards your feelings like this? Again and again, he proves to you that he doesn’t care.

“How fucking dare you? How dare you tell me it’s not a big deal when you see how upset I am? Do you care this little about me? After everything? Is this just a game to you? To see how far you can push me? To see how much you can get away with? Do you find seeing me like this amusing?” It all just pours out of you. After months of hopeless pining for a functional relationship, you just can’t hold back anymore.

“What? Why would I enjoy this? You keep painting me as a fucking villain and you as the innocent victim.” He starts to lose his calm a little, which just escalates your feelings as well. He has no right to feel justified when he is clearly in the wrong.

“When you do this day in and day out I can’t do anything else just assume that you like making me suffer. And what the fuck do you mean that I’m painting myself as the victim. You hurt me a lot, a lot of times, you can’t sugarcoat this, Satoru!” You want to solve this in a more civilised way, but you can’t get a hold of your emotions. One cat got out of the bag and now every single one is jumping out.

“How about you don’t push me to do things I’m not ready for? You ask for too much! I open up a little and you try to rip me open to learn every one of my secrets. You have no business snooping in my life!” You should just leave before things get more ugly, but every single thing he says is so infuriating that you can’t just leave it like this.

“What? I asked too much? I asked you to do the bare minimum. To not treat me like you are ashamed of being with me! Do you have any idea what too much is? How about we talk about moving in? Or getting married? And what do you think of kids? I think two of them running around would be amazing right about now.” You can’t help the poison dripping from your voice. This all painfully reminds you of the nights you spent listening to your own parents scream at each other. Reminds you of how you swore you’d never be like them. Despite that, here you are. You’re just glad there’s no one around to witness it. Regardless, you continue.

“But it’s not like I could even think of bringing any of these up! Your side of the venue would probably be completely empty at the wedding!” You are screaming at this point but you couldn’t care less. In Gojo’s penthouse, there are no neighbours anywhere near so it’s not like they would call the cops on you.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about! Why would you even bring this up?” He isn’t screaming thankfully, but he is getting louder as well.

“Are you fucking delusional? Why do you think I bring it up? Everyone has kids and weddings or a ring on their finger at the very least! We are not getting younger Gojo and I don’t want to go to parent-teacher conferences and playgrounds in my fifties just because you couldn’t get your life in order in time. If you even want kids that is. I have no idea about that either because I can’t talk to you about anything related to our future.” You are an emotional mess as you collapse on his couch, defeated. You feel lightheaded as the situation hits you. You don’t know how this argument will end but you are sure of one thing: this will leave a scar.

“Talking? Is this what you call talking? You are screaming and breaking down again.” He doesn’t address anything about the actual problem, he can’t say anything to that. Somewhere in the rational part of his brain, a small voice tells him that you are right. A bigger part, however, refuses to admit blame.

“Do you think I’m enjoying this? Do you think I like that I have to have a complete breakdown for you to acknowledge me? I don’t trust you enough to bring any of my concerns up anymore. At this point, I don’t know which is worse, the fact that I’m afraid to bring anything up to you or that you are a fucking stranger in my bed.” You curl up on his couch as he starts to pace. Your words cut deep, but he can’t face that he is hurting you this bad.

“Why can’t you just trust me? Talk to me? I’m your soulmate.” He doesn’t stop for a second, he goes round and round, which doesn’t help you calm down. His restlessness is just unnerving you even more.

“Just because we are soulmates, it doesn’t mean everything will magically work out. This relationship is just like any other. And even if it wasn’t, we aren’t the only soulmates, somehow everyone else can work it out!” You stand up because you can’t just sit around. You go to his kitchen, which is only separated from the living room by a counter, to get a glass of water. You try to make an effort to calm down.

“There it is again! Why are you so fucking obsessed with other people? Why can’t we just do what’s good for us?” He goes to lean on the counter in front of you as you take out a glass from the cabinet. It would be nice knowing that you are this at home in his house but right now you could barely see from the anger.

“What’s good for us? Relationships work because of compromises. There are no compromises here, I’m doing everything I possibly can to make this work and you are acting like a butthurt kid just because I asked you to treat me like your lover not like a secret. In all reality, this isn’t a relationship. This is an affair, a distraction. You aren’t committed to me at all.” This hurts to say. It hurts so much because it’s true. You wouldn’t be at all surprised if it turned out that he is actually married already.

“What do you mean I’m not committed? I haven’t even looked at anyone else since I met you.” Satoru sounds a 100% convinced that he is right with this point. You can barely fathom how he thinks this makes him looks committed.

“That just mean that we are exclusive, not that you are committed. You just show up whenever you want to have some fun and leave. This is all we are.” You take a deep breath, yet your fury doesn’t subside so you continue even though you won’t be able to take these words back. “But prove me wrong. Look into my eyes and tell me that you would be here if I wasn’t your soulmate. I know I wouldn’t.”

Gojo Satoru is speechless for maybe the first time in his life. He silently watches you, dumbfounded, as you take a sip of your water, tears running down your face. You consciously make an effort to calm down, which is not easy with the heavy silence looming over you. But after a while you feel strong enough to go through with this.

“Satoru, we are clearly dysfunctional. We tried it, it didn’t work out. We can’t do the same thing over and over again and expect things to change. You made a point to show, time and time again, that you don’t want to step out of your comfort zone to meet me halfway. You don’t have to, it’s not an obligation, you are right about that.” ‘Deep breaths, Y/n, you can do this. Breathe in, breathe out, baby.’

“I… just can’t work with the little to nothing you are giving me now. Let’s just split while we can do it in peace. Neither of us is happy right now, so we’ll just keep jumping at each other’s throats.” You somehow manage to power through the break-up, you finish your water while trying to stop your silent sobs. Gojo is sitting on a bar stool, he holds his head up with one hand while he just stares at the counter before him.

Once you place your glass in the sink you go to change back to your normal clothes and gather everything you need. The whole house is eerily quiet, and the glass, metal, and marble interior just seems so much colder than it was a few hours ago. When you get back down Satoru is still where you left him, he doesn’t say anything, not even when you bid goodbye. You can’t even guess what it is that made him speechless.

Satoru is stuck. He can’t do anything but repeat your words in his head. He relived your breakup dozens of times in his head trying to make sense of it. It’s like he’s twisting the knife again and again. He can feel the pain but he still can’t rationalize you leaving. You are just… gone? He can feel everything he usually keeps under control overwhelm him. It’s paralysing. He feels like he’s drowning.

1 year 7 months 0 weeks 4 days 16 hours 17 minutes 56 seconds

You are in complete darkness. You can’t see anything. You can’t hear anything. When you start to panic due to the lack of information you finally hear a familiar sound; Satoru’s voice. You spin around so fast you almost feel light-headed, but when you see Satoru you actually feel like fainting. He is locked in a box, and no matter what you do you can’t get him to notice you or get him out of the box. You scream at the top of your lungs, you bang on the box until you can’t lift your arm anymore, it’s no use. You feel so helpless, it breaks your heart…

You miss him a lot. Well, that’s an understatement. You miss him every minute of every day, he just won’t leave your mind, not awake, not asleep. Your heart aches and that doesn't stop. It probably never will as long as you are away from Satoru. These past two weeks you can barely do anything, worst of all; you can barely sleep. Sometimes you even refuse to. You don’t care how bad it gets, you’ll do anything to stop the nightmares. Especially this recurring one about Gojo being locked away. It feels so chilling despite it being the least hurtful in theory.

You don’t have to think a lot about what the dream could mean. You shut out Gojo and it feels like your heart is trying to get revenge on you for the hurt you’re causing it. You know you love Satoru, and you are so afraid that there’s nothing in this world that could change that. Not time, not space, not his behaviour. Even now, you lie awake after waking up from that damned nightmare again. You barely got an hour of sleep and you aren’t sure if you can go back to sleep again.

You try so hard to remember all shit he did, all the times he brushed you off, all the times you cried alone in your apartment because he couldn’t make it when you needed him the most. Your heart and mind is trying its hardest to bury every one of Satoru’s wrongdoings under the happy memories, but you don’t want to forget. You can’t just erase everything, your love for him isn’t supposed to be unconditional. He needs to do better so you can forgive him.

Probably this is why you could go through with leaving because you think that he will come back to you. You think that whatever you have is strong enough to pull him right back to you, it has to be. You are soulmates for a reason, you have to be. Saying that you met at the wrong time is a lot easier than trying to come to terms with Satoru being the wrong person for you. Whatever this whole soulmate thing is, it can't make a mistake that big, can it?

There has to be something else, you just can’t accept that. It already is hard enough to do something else other than drowning in your self-pity you don’t need to open that can of worms. During the daytime you have to suck it up and work, you are an adult and nobody will else take care of you. But at night you can give in just a little, just let the emotions take over...

Why can’t you be like every other soulmate, why can’t you just work? Why can’t Satoru just trust you? You were going on and on about you trusting him, but wasn’t he the one who didn’t trust you? He couldn’t share absolutely anything important about himself. He didn’t feel the need to let you in his life, so how could you let him into yours?

1 year 8 months 1 week 5 days 14 hours 35 minutes 16 seconds

Work parties suck, you can’t let loose because you are working with these people and if you do, you are the topic of the office gossip for a while. That being said, everyone has those days, and sometimes you severely overestimate how much alcohol you can handle. Only this time it isn’t the case; you are just fine. Well, you aren’t fine but you aren’t drunk. Just heartbroken. Having to deal with everyone bringing up Gojo during the small talk was draining you.

You know they don’t mean to hurt you but lying that you and he are doing well over and over again broke you little by little. You couldn’t admit it, you are still very much in denial and want to avoid this whole thing. Unfortunately, you can’t, so you just say what ends that conversation the fastest, this way you don’t have to deal with the pity either. So yes, the few drinks you’ve had might have something to do with you weeping in the bathroom of the party venue, but they aren’t the sole cause.

You haven’t looked at pictures of you together in weeks. It was painful, but of course today everyone and their mother asked to see your boyfriend. In any other situation, you would bless the skies for giving you a man that knows how to take a picture of himself. Not today though. Seeing how his eyes sparkle while he’s looking down at you sleeping on his chest or how he playfully pouts as you take a photo of him while waiting for your food. They brought back so many memories. It’s hard knowing he’s not with you.

The one photo you keep showing everyone, it was your background too before it got too painful to look at. Gojo took the picture in an elevator mirror, his arms are around you and he tilts his head so his temple rests on the top of your head. You on the other hand barely peek out from his bear hug. The sheer happiness is evident though. Your eyes are a thin line, and even with lower half of your face buried in your red scarf, it’s clear that it’s from the wide smile on your face.

You miss these days. The good days, the days full of laughter. Right now you don’t even care why you broke up in the first place, you just want him back. You try to suppress your sobs, because in this state you can’t even talk. You hardly make out anything through the glossy wall of tears, but you somehow make it to his contact or at least you think you do. Your thumb is hovering over the call button. The only thing in your mind is missing him. You miss him so much, your chest never stops aching no matter what you do. You’re psyching yourself up to press the button when a familiar voice calls out.

“Y/n, is everything alright?” When the sound of your name registers you look up. It’s one of your colleagues, they stand across the room from you, looking concerned and confused. The adrenaline rush is instant from feeling like you just got caught committing some kind of crime.

“S-sure,” you try to answer confidently, but your sobs don’t let you say anything without stuttering. “Just, you know, lovers quarrel.” You quickly add because you realise you need to explain it somehow. People don’t just randomly break down. You know they wouldn’t tell people about you breaking down even if you were visibly intoxicated. You, however, aren’t the type of person to rely on chance, not when you can do something about it. This is why you purposefully give them a personal answer that they would feel bad about spreading.

“Do you want to talk about it?” they ask carefully, even though you two aren’t close you know they want to help you. As much as you appreciate it, you really don’t. You just want to go home and find something Gojo left in your house so you can cuddle it to sleep. This way you can pretend he is just away on a business trip. You take a deep breath and go to the sink and you lean on it.

“Well, not everything is sunshine and rainbows, but we’ll get through it,” you reassure them as you gather yourself enough to start covering up the fact that you cried. You need to leave this damn toilet sooner or later.

1 year 8 months 1 week 5 days 15 hours 03 minutes 39 seconds

You’ve just got out of the taxi and finished paying the driver when you feel the buzz in your pocket. At first, you think that it’s probably one of your colleagues sending you way too many messages at once. There were quite a few who got carried away with the drinks, giving you big hugs and promising to check on you when they got home. As if you were the one who needed to be checked up on.

After a second or two it was obvious that your phone won’t stop vibrating, instead insisting on getting your attention. You sigh, getting it out of your pocket. You don’t want to deal with anyone at this time of the day - night? - it’s late and you just want to get to bed. Alas, you gather your remaining energy for one more social interaction. With another deep breath, you glance at the caller ID.

‘Gojo Satoru’

You do a double-take. Your chest suddenly feels tight, the all familiar feeling of anxiety taking over you. Your hands start to shake as you rush to take the call. You are so afraid he will hang up before you get the chance to talk to him.

“Hello…?” you trail off, unsure what to say when you pick up. You daydreamed of this for weeks, but you didn’t think it would be in these circumstances. You imagined that he would show up at your house unannounced with a bouquet of beautiful flowers; asking for forgiveness. Or maybe he would keep ringing your doorbell at 3 am, too drunk to stay away from you. You didn’t expect a call. At night. Especially not from a sober Satoru.

“Oh, hey. I… I didn’t think you would pick up. I should’ve thought of something to say before calling you, haven’t I?” He sounds tired. During all these weeks you never thought about Gojo doing as badly as you do. It never crossed your mind that he might be tossing and turning all night as well. That he might have the same nightmares as you do. You assumed it’s hard on him too, but he was always fine. Seemingly sailing through life without a care in the world. He never sought you out for comfort, or at least he didn’t show it if he did.

“Satoru… Is everything alright?” Your voice is as shaky as your hands are while you try to slip your key into the lock of the gate.

“Yes. No… Shit… I guess I just wanted to hear your voice… God, I miss you so much. It’s unbearable.” he mutters, the pain clear in his voice. You feel your eyes already tearing up. You miss him too, more than you could express.

“Toru-” you start, you aren’t sure how you want to finish the sentence. But you don’t need to as he cuts you off before you could get out anything else.

“No, this was a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have called you, especially this late. Just forget about this. Okay? It’s not right… I’m sorry. I love you.” He doesn’t even wait for you to react. He hangs up.

As you get into your apartment, completely on autopilot at this point, you don’t even bother to wipe away the tears. Looks like he wasn’t happy with only breaking his promises, he needed to break you too. All over again; trampling on the pieces crushing them to even smaller shards.

Masterlist

#gojo satoru #gender neutral reader #jjk x reader #jujustu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen x gender neutral reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk angst #jjk #jjk fluff #gojo x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo angst #gojo fluff #jujustu kaisen #gojo satoru x gender neutral reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk imagines #jjk fanfic #soulmates au

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booksforevermore13 · 3 years

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The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Dogfish

Summary: Lily brings home a dogfish. When Ginny doesn't approve, Harry wonders if there is something else bothering her. If he recalled correctly, it hadn't been very long since his wife had brought home a really old seahorse. Then what really was the matter?

Read it on Fanfiction if you prefer!

...

“To be fair, he followed me home.”

“He is a fish ⁠— “

“⁠— dogfish.”

“And he doesn’t have legs! So, tell me Lils, how in Triton’s hell did he magically walk out of water and follow you home?”

Lily huffed, crossing her arms and avoiding her mum’s look. Then, as a peace offering, she peeked out from under her hair and smiled sheepishly, to which her mum only raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, you can’t deny he’s not cute,” she whined, and then bent down to pick him up, while the pup (fish?) nuzzled his nose into her shirt.

“If you ask me, he’s kinda creepy,” James piped in.

“He is not! And no one asked you!”

She watched as her mum narrowed her eyes in her typical mum way, and then sighed, and Lily knew half the battle was won.

“So?” she urged, and her mother glared at her, and then turned her glare towards James as he snickered. Albus raised his arms in defence as their mum turned to him, and hastily looked down at the ground.

“We,” Ginny sighed, shaking her head in defeat, “⁠— oh, I’m going to regret this ⁠— we will talk about this when your dad comes home.”

“Does that mean we can keep him?”

“We will talk about this when your dad,” her mum repeated, looking each of them in the eye, “comes home.”

They nodded, giving each other sombre looks, while the puppy-fish, (fuppy, pish?) yapped excitedly.

“For Triton’s sake, first her brother brings home a dolphin.ow her, a bloody dogfish,” Ginny muttered, and then shooed them out of the kitchen, very well knowing she’d be fighting a losing battle.

Oh, she was definitely going to regret this.

…

“Oh, good you’re home,” Ginny said, folding and unfolding the Pall Mall Gazette. Harry looked at her in confusion, then at the paper, then back at her again, noting the skittish manner with which she was avoiding his gaze.

“I am?”

Ginny shot him a glare, hands on her hips, and Harry offered a sheepish smile.

“Sorry, I just ⁠— you sound mad. You look mad.”

“Do I?”

Harry bit back a smile, and then asked, “Who was it this time? James or Lils?”

“She brought home a dogfish,” Ginny gritted out. “A dogfish. With an orange fin. And a snout. A horribly disgusting, slobbering snout!”

Harry shot her a mirthful glance, before gesturing to her to continue.

“We don’t have space for a dogfish!”

“Don’t we?”

Ginny gestured again, waving her hands around as if that could prove her point, and Harry, in a moment of uncertainty, wondered if the dogfish was really the problem. It couldn’t be, for it hadn’t been long before she had herself come home with a seahorse; though it had turned out to be a really old seahorse and had died within a year.

“Ginny,” he started, in a different manner than before. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t expect her to answer, at least not directly, but he certainly didn’t expect her to whack him on the head with the roll of paper. He winced, looking at her and wondering if she really had gone mad, before she started speaking through gritted teeth.

“Are you listening to anything I’m saying?”

“I am, Gin!” he said quickly. “But you need to talk to me. Really talk to me.”

“I am!”

“I don’t think so!”

“Lily brought a dogfish home!”

“Is the dogfish really the problem, Gin?” Harry asked, and watched as her face morphed from anger to uncertainty, and then back to anger as her brows furrowed, and she glanced back at him again.

“No,” she said curtly, with that stubborn frown on her face, and though Harry was glad he’d managed to figure her out (for once), he couldn’t really place his claims on what exactly had made her upset. She’d seemed fine that morning. He’d kissed her goodbye, she’d stopped it from becoming a full blown makeout session (their children were home, plus he’d had to go to work), and she’d smiled at him, and looked at him with that blazing look of hers, and he’d told her he’d be home early. Everything had been just as it was supposed to be. Everything had been fine.

Except now it wasn’t.

And then to his surprise, Ginny let her head fall on his shoulder, burying her face in his shirt, and Harry let his arms wrap around her, keeping her steady. He tucked her head under his chin, and rested his head on hers, the two of them in the middle of their hallway, arms around each other, and for the moment, it was the most natural thing they’d ever done.

And then her shoulders started shaking.

And Harry’s frown grew increasingly deeper.

“Hey,” he urged. ��Gin, hey, hey.” He cupped her face and tilted it upwards, horrified to find her just barely holding back tears. Ginny sniffled, and swiped one hand across her face, further smearing her tears. Harry wiped the rest off with his thumbs, cursing silently to whoever, whatever had made her cry.

“Just… let me have this for a second, please, Harry?” Her voice cracked, and Harry brought her in against his chest, holding her tight, his heart racing a million miles per hour as he mulled over all the things that could have happened.

Then, on second thought, he bent down and picked her up, and it was the thought that she hadn’t even yelped at that, that made him feel an odd sense of triumph.

Harry settled on the couch, gently stroking her hair as she lay on his lap, her tears dampening his shirt, but he couldn’t have cared less.

And yet, he didn’t ask.

He didn’t push.

But he was glad that she trusted him so much to be vulnerable around him, and him around her. It had taken them fifteen years married to each other, and even longer than that, to really know the other like they did now. To know that if they were vulnerable around the other, it didn’t automatically make them weak in their eyes.

And yet, it didn’t change the fact that there he was with a crying Ginny, and him sorely wishing he could beat up the person who’d made her cry.

There were certainly few things he hated more than seeing his wife upset.

“I promise I’m still as sane as you,” Ginny mumbled from beneath him, and he looked down at her, brushing away her hair from her face.

“I never doubted that for a second,” Harry replied.

Ginny let out a laugh, albeit humourless, but it didn’t stop her from getting up and offering him a sad sort of smile. He looked at her, his chest clenching at how her eyes still occasionally watered. Harry opened his mouth, but before he did, Ginny got up from his lap, and sat beside him on the couch, facing away from him.

“Gin, talk to me?” he begged, “and don’t tell me it’s the damn dogfish again because I know, you know, it’s not.”

He caught a tear as it broke away from the dam, and rubbed his thumb against her cheek, his eyes begging for her to talk.

“I…” she sighed. “I want to play again.”

Ginny looked at him, and he was silent, so she continued.

“I want to play Quidditch again. I want to get into that arena, and feel the water rippling around me, and hear the Bludgers whizz by me, and hear the crowd yelling and screaming ⁠—” her voice broke, and a new wave of tears began to slip down her cheeks before she could stop them. “I’m sorry, this is ridiculous⁠ —“

“It’s not.”

“I-I need to get out there again. And it’s selfish of me, and it’s illogical that I suggest leaving Lily and Albus and James alone here; I mean, Lily’s just seven, but I can’t shake this-this feeling that I could ⁠— I should be doing more!”

“Hey,” Harry said, cupping her face and looking into her eyes. He didn’t exactly understand what was truly the matter; all he was really concentrating on was her tears, and how each time they fell, his heart beat painfully within his chest. “This is not selfish, or illogical, or anything you just said right now.” Ginny glanced away, but Harry simply shifted to face her. “Gin, look at me. Look at me,” and when she finally did, his heart clenched yet again to see her eyes tearing up again.

“Demelza called me and told me how they’d made her captain,” she choked out finally, “and I couldn’t help but wonder that if I’d stuck around, then they’d⁠ —“

“⁠— have made you instead,” Harry finished, and brushed away her tears as more fell.

“And that thought made me feel so selfish, and-and guilty when James and Albus and Lils are my world, and- and you. All I wanted back then was to have more time with you, and I have that now. I finally have that now. This-this is all I’ve ever wished for. But, I-I can’t help but relentlessly think and think about that what-if, and everything else that could have been different with that what-if, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Harry was silent, his mind screaming at him to hold her close to him, make her tears go away, but this time, he didn’t think Ginny needed that. This time, he knew Ginny needed answers. And even if he couldn’t give them to her himself, he could help her find them. So if a chord had struck, he asked out of the blue. “Where are those three?”

“What?” Ginny frowned. “Oh, um… they’re at the Burrow. Apparently, they wanted to show their newly acquired…pet to their grandparents, but we both know it’s just going to be them trying to coerce Mum into making them a sweater for that fish.”

“Can you ask your mum if she can keep them at their place for a few hours?”

Ginny looked at him, confused, but she still nodded, taking out her phone from her back pocket. “Any particular reason?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, as he got up from the sofa, and offered her his hand. “We’re going swimming.”

…

“Doesn’t change the fact that I’m still a better mermaid than you,” Ginny quipped as she looked down at the water pool in front of them.

“I’m a merman. I don’t think I fit your criteria at all.”

“Yes, well, potato, potahto, mer...maid.”

Harry laughed, ducking his head, and Ginny cupped his cheek and turned his face, kissing him gently.

“Thanks for being my loyal listener,” she said, between kisses, and Harry smiled against her lips, wrapping a hand around her waist.

“Always.”

Her laugh echoed in the cave, as she stepped back and winked, before jumping into the pool, and if he could, he would have bottled that sound and gotten drunk on it.

“That’s the laugh,” he said softly, and followed.

…

The Ministry had caves just like the one near their house, almost at every other street in London. They were like Daedulus’ symbols, there where only those who knew where it was could see it.

Harry looked at Ginny again, fully knowing that even after all the times he’d seen her underwater, she still managed to take his breath away. Every time.

She was beautiful.

Her shimmering crimson tail glowed against the water, her hair floating around her in an angry halo, except it wasn’t angry. Not really. Here, Ginny seemed almost at peace.

“What are we doing here?” she asked, and Harry smiled at her, holding out his hand for her to take.

They were at the arena. The arena. They were at Hogwarts.

Lanterns guided their way, lighting their path, as they navigated the dark waters, the soft yellow light on the ocean floor, not much help, but it was, to its credit, useful. More in the sense of reassurance, than anything else.

In what was the oddest twist of the universe, mermen didn’t have tails. They could breathe and swim like their female counterparts, sure, but due to some unexplainable reason, they didn’t have tails.

That gave them a setback, sure, for mermaids were faster, swifter, and he had spent a major part of his Hogwarts years building up his speed and stamina in order to keep up with them.

It didn’t help his case that while underwater, mermaids were by far, the most beautiful creatures on the planet, their tails shining against the silver waters. On the other hand, they were just…them.

“You wanna tell me what’s happening here, Harry?”

Harry smiled at her, then let go of her hand, letting the lanterns guide their way. And then, as if a switch had been flipped, the world around them grew clearer, stiller and what had been darkness had instead turned to light.

“The first time I saw you here,” he said, swimming behind her, and keeping her hands on her shoulders, his voice in her ears, “the first thing I thought was: how the bloody hell was she not on the team yet?”

Ginny laughed, her voice dampened against the waves, but Harry could hear it as clear as day.

“The second thing I thought was that Ginny Weasley here, she was going to be a hell of a player. Someone I could never, ever, compare to.”

Harry turned her face to face him, and grinned. “That’s when I knew I loved you.”

Ginny shook her head, a knowing smile on her face, and Harry had a strange sense of accomplishment when he realized that he had been the one to put it there.

“Harry Potter, you’re one heck of a charmer, you know that?”

He shrugged, looking at her coyly. “I may have been told, once or twice.” He paused. But he didn’t stop. “You’re a lot of things to a lot of people, Gin, but back then, I always thought you were the Ginny Weasley, the fiercest chaser in business. So, whatever you decide to do, we’ll figure it out, just like we always do.”

Ginny gulped, and clutched his hand tightly, looking around the arena as if it was her first time seeing it.

In the end, this had always been her place.

This was where he knew she had to keep coming back.

And if she did, Harry knew he’d do everything in his power to make that happen. He’d quit being an Auror if he had to, stay with the kids, and he’d do it gladly if it meant more time with them. If it meant Ginny getting to follow her dream.

Fifteen years with Gin had made him realise dreams he’d never thought he’d have.

“I want to get back here,” Ginny admitted. “But, I don’t want to be away from them. You know how it was,” she turned to Harry, “back then, when I came home late from practice, all those hours away from James, from you. I don’t want that. That’s why I left, and I’ll do it a thousand times over if I had to.”

“But this, this is all I’ve wanted to do, since I was six and saw Bill fly for the first time. Now…I’m not so sure. But at the same time⁠—”

“⁠— you do,” Harry finished for her, and then grinned, facing her side. “It’s been fifteen years, but I am still trying to figure you out,” he said, as his hands cupped her cheeks, holding her steady, so that he could drink in the sight of her.

“I don’t think you ever will.”

But he’ll never stop trying.

Now she looked at him, several seconds later, brown to green, her to him, eyes glinting with the ghost of a smile. “I know what to do, Harry,” she said softly, and laughed. “And to think it was all for a damn dogfish.”

“I don’t suppose we still have room for it, do we?”

“We’ll have to see.”

Harry nodded, listening for a moment longer to the slight deafness of water around him, and her brown eyes, as radiant as the first time he’d seen them.

Then he kissed her. At her lips’ touch, Harry felt he was rediscovering them again.

“I love you,” Ginny mumbled, her hands tangled in his hair, her lips drawing him in for another kiss.

Harry smiled, knowing he’d never loved her more.

“I love you,” he said.

...

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