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abluehappyface · 2 days

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I'm going to post what is I guess a story relating to my personal experiences being on this earth. This is mostly for my benefit. Look if you want I guess, but just know that there will be some potentially triggering stuff, but I don't know what it is, so I can't tag it right now

My Life as a Monster

You stare at me like I'm some sort of beast, a thing merely meant to be caged. Something you feel the need to be protected from. You watch, knowing that I can't get you from your bedroom window, at the spectacle you think I am. You aim your camera at me, the flash reflecting off the glass I sit behind, as you film and photograph me for no other reason except that I'm here. When I'm among you, you stare at me with mocking gazes, your eyes becoming yet another set in an endless number of pairs that make their way to dig into mine. No matter how well I think I'm camouflaged, you always sniff me out, and then you let me know how I'm unwelcome here.

I'm especially afraid of women. All humans my same age startle me, but women more so. Women have always been more scornful to me. They told me how unwanted I was for me to hear. They shunned me from their groups, leaving me an outcast as a child. Women do not like me, I know this as fact.

Their actions are always deliberate. Humans make it a point to leave me out, to the point I feel I'm not one. I may have lost my humanity, turned into a beast, or maybe both at once, but I know for certain that there are times where human is something I'm not. I may be the monster stuck inside a human husk that I think I am, or perhaps I'm an outcast being overdramatic, but I know that humans do not like me. I do not fit in. I am but a beast.

As if being ostracized as a child wasn't enough, you continue to gawk at me. What have I done to receive your judgement? Why must you hunt us beasts? Mother doesn't understand why I don't leave the cave, as if I ever could. If I leave the cave, the humans will stand watch, waiting to scout me out.

My existence is a worldly secret, and a secret I shall stay. If I seek out a place amongst the humans they will reject me. No human will want me as a partner or friend. I am a beast in a world where existence is a joke. To avoid their mocking eyes, the cave is where I stay.

I know humans are resilient beings, that they can choose to change, that acceptance of us monsters is not unheard of, but I do not depend on it. When you've lived the life of a beast, you prepare yourself for scorn. Your hopes mustn't be up too high, else you'll fall and break your horns. I wish I was the fuzzy, colorful beast that humans love, but I am not. I am a dark, shaggy beast, with curled, antler-like horns, fangs, claws, and eyes that glow white in darkness. I am not a friend to them, I am something to be hunted.

As much as I love being my beastly self, I fear being myself is what's causing my downfall. I don't want to change to make myself palatable to the humans. They do not deserve it after what has happened to me. Even so, a monster like me still wonders what connection can feel like. To think some humans tolerate me, like me even, but they live too far away... I wish I could be with them.

However, this is no longer the case. Past human friends have betrayed me, apart from one. I have no true desires to befriend humans. As my grandmother once told me, I'm "too monstrous and hostile" for friends. I'm to monstrous for everyone. I'm too monstrous for myself. The human body I reside in is just a defense from the humans around me. I feel no true, meaningful attachment to this body.

I am the metaphorical version of a kitten that wasn't socialized. I cannot connect with others. I do not connect with others. I'm not meant to. I am designed for solitude.

I'm just a creature who's strange. I know I should care not of what others think, and yet I still do. I care because I am afraid. I am still afraid of humans my own age, especially women. If I could get everything I needed without leaving this house, the world would never see me again.

I am such an irrational thing. Here I am, a potential gynephobe who's a lesbian being encroached upon by a beast. Here I am, knowing most people don't care about me, yet I still care enough in case they press record again. Humans could be nice, but I must distrust them for my safety. They'll never know me well enough to know this. I must make sure of it.

I feel it has gotten so hopeless that my younger sister feels that she needs to intervene. She does a lot of talking for me. She pulls at my arms to try and get me to speak with humans. Even if it was a joke, it made me realize how hopelessly helpless I am. She feels I speak to no one, and she is right.

Worst of all, I know that I must change. Eventually I'm going to have to provide for myself. I don't wish to tell mother of my beastly affliction, though I have no reason not to. I suppose I am a cautious beast. How cautious is too cautious I wonder?

The beastly affliction is affecting major parts of my life. I remain in the cave all day. I speak to no outsiders. I rely on my little sister too much. My mother says she feels she has failed me. I do not wish to be a defective child. I do not wish to be a beast. I wish I could cry beastly golden tears until I'm washed clean of my beastly essences.

I am a pathetic beast. I am not strong. I am a lowly creature. I am a strange thing that cannot be understood. I shall forever remain a beast, and society shall forever hate me.

I feel I am stuck in place. I don't often think about my beastliness, but when I do it feels paralyzing. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if it will change. I turn 20 in three days and I'm still the beast from when I was 16. I'm still the monster, I feel I forever will be. I feel the world has gone one without me, but I'm fine with that. I know nothing else at this point.

#pov you're a beast expressing how you feel after being ostracized and excluded from society‚ especially as a child #but irl im AM this beast and have been for nearly four years #all because my grandmother told me that I would be hostile and monstrous in tone for the rest of my life #and she's right because my autistic beastly ass could never sound like a pleasant human ever #and ive never talked about the possible gynephobia because ill likely be labeled a sexist #and I don't need any more reasons for humans to hate me #no i don't look like the beast i am on the outside‚ but there are days where I sure as hell feel it #most of the time I feel like im just some person‚ but other days‚ im a beast (and a father pathetic one at that)#so yeah‚ this is about me #im the beast in this 'letter'#bluey's miscellaneous posts #bluey's nonsense #bluey's beastly hours #bluey's vents #bluey's long posts #bluey's life #bluey's serious stuff #bluey's actual life #bluey's rambling #abluehappyface

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apoloniaspiegelgold · 3 months

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All my life I've been told by all kinds of people that they can never really tell what I'm feeling or what's going through my mind because apparently I'm always just hiding everything behind a smile so that I've become rather unreadable. And then he just. Takes one look at me and goes 'Yeah. I know that face, oh here we go again, she's about to unleash her thoughts. She's gonna bash that theory I just showed her so hard. Where's my popcorn?' I hadn't even said anything yet and he was already laughing.

And to be honest. It's quite nice to be known, actually.

#i only went to his office to ask if he wants to join me for lunch he didn't have time and yet i still somehow ended up staying for 1.5 hours #'thanks for the conversation' he said when i left. 'and thanks for keeping me from my work'#as if HE hadn't kept me from lunch when he kept our conversation going on and on with his 'wait i still wanted to show you this'#talking to him always feels like wellness for my brain somehow. like. we're different people but we think the same way.#i don't have to translate my thoughts to be understood he already gets my point before i've even finished my train of thought #every time work tires me out so much that it feels like i can't think straight anymore then i talk to him and suddenly my brain works again #and i like how he calls me out on my nonsense when i lose myself in a contradiction or don't say what i want to say or say what i don't mea #and he lets me go on extensive rants about statistics despite not knowing anything about it and doesn't even complain #he just always says 'i'll pretend i know what that means' and says i should learn it well so he can ask me for my help with it later #recently he came to me right after teaching saying 'you won't believe how much i just messed up. let me show you how i failed'#and then proceeded to recreate the entire situation and his thought process at that moment and i just #there is a very big word running around in my mind that i dare not speak of but maybe one day #i don't even know if he even sees me as much as a friend maybe i'm just some co-worker he likes talking to occasionally you know #what does it mean what does it all mean #ramblings

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peridots-pixiwolf · 1 year

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[Start ID. A doodle of V1 and the Flesh Prison from ULTRAKILL. V1 is shooting volleys of nails in the general direction of the Flesh Prison, whilst very harriedly running around and attempting to dodge its numerous attacks. Next to it is a thought bubble reading "I AM IN HELL". The Flesh Prison's healthbar is displayed at the top, and the text "You are here" by the very right end of it displays the futility of V1's efforts to deal any lasting damage. End ID]

aka "i thought this was the kind of boss fight where you're supposed to stay alive and wait for something to help you" aka "guess who p-ranked eight levels in one day and is suffering the consequences" aka "help."

#'pun' aside (GET ON THE LAMP). what is this #very proud of the p-ranking especially considering some of them were by accident #but i'm going back to herbmessiahs video right after this. how much health does this thing HAVE #technically i'm usually able to get it down to like. 2/3 but then it just HEALS AND CONTINUES ENTIRELY UNFAZED #LIKE. THE WHOLE THING. BACK TO 100%. i consistently have really good style somehow though so that's pretty cool #done with the flesh prison rambling but i don't think i have any other uk thoughts tonight (besides getting into 5-S on accident :])#peridots-art #peridots-nonsense #v1 ultrakill #flesh prison ultrakill #ultrakill #gun #am i supposed to finish it off before it heals??????? whoops anyway bye #UPDATE AS OF 2AM GMT (ONE HOUR LATER): CURRENTLY FIGHTING MINOS WISH ME LUCK 👍👍👍👍👍👍

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waffleweirdo · 16 days

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okay thoughts on Umineko 1 through 4.

Um

What.

Genuinely I don't know.

That was something unlike anything else.

I think the best way that I can describe it is by saying it was the first time in a long while that I found myself physically stepping away and spending hours just processing what the heck was happening before continuing.

Reading some parts of it caused me physical pain, in a way that I genuinely can't quite describe, but was certainly an incredible achievement of storytelling.

I think this is the most a story has taken me for a ride in, well maybe ever. The whole time I was on a roller coaster and all the story beats and twists hit me fully without me seeing them coming at all. I mean wow.

I don't even know how I feel about the characters which is usually what my strongest impression is from. There are some characters that I think I should probably hate...but I just can't. I think that is probably amazing character writing. Like wow.

It also retroactively made me appreciate Higurashi's ending a lot more (with a disclaimer being that I've only watched the anime. Y'know this makes me want to go back and read the source- I haven't even finished Umineko yet don't let me get ahead of myself.)

Moral of the story is I don't know what the heck Umineko did to me, but it did something that I probably won't be able to understand for a good while. But whatever it was was wholly unique and probably incredible and I can't wait to read the rest of it.

Would I recommend it? No probably not.

#context on the recommendation... it probably only makes sense to me but like deciding it read it on a whim from my insane ramblings feels...#...like it would make a better experience than me recommending it... i dont know i cant really explain it #possibly dont trust any of this nonsense as it is after midnight and i spent like seven hours finishing this today #im going to bed now #beatrice might be one of the characters ever #uu-uu made me want to cry #no clue if ill be able to sleep or not #wow #nonsense

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cthulhubert · 2 months

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Catching the Record of Lodoss War OVAs on some channel's "animidnight" block was a formative experience for young me, and its design choices were scarred into my mind as the fundamental fantasy aesthetic. Which, uh, didn't exactly make me an odd one out anywhere because it hews closely to the ISO fantasy mold (and indeed helped make the mold).

"Record of Lodoss War" (I'm using quotes to indicate the literal phrase) is one of those odd-ball translation choices that ended up being iconic, just ever so slightly nonsensical, it stuck in the minds of kids like me that watched it young. A transliteration of the Japanese is Lodoss-tou Senki. -tou just means island; "senki" could credibly be translated as (and this may shock you) 'war record'. It's a specific term in Japanese that refers to the record an officer or attached scribe kept of the battles a military force took part in ("battle chronicle" is also a good translationand by metonymy is used for "military history"). As you might imagine, it's still popular in manga and novel names.

It started out as, not quite a novel, but a "RePlay", a record of the events of a table top RPG campaign, published in a magazine (Comptiq focused on computer games, but apparently content was content, and Lodoss got hugely popular). The mid-eighties predecessor to Critical Role, basically. It did really well, which makes sense, given that the dungeon master and the players were all published writers (the DM would publish what's called the first domestic Japanese high fantasy novels, Rune Soldier, in the same setting). It started out in D&D, but would also be played in Tunnels and Trolls and RuneQuest. In 1989, they ended up publishing their own set of rules, called Record of Lodoss War Companion, and later, Swordworld RPG (2.5edition came out in 2018!).

A series that was inspired and distilled a lot of the concepts that were and would remain popular in high fantasy settings in both Japan and America and then probably inspired another generation of iterations when the anime came back to America.

Some day maybe I'll watch the anime again, it finally got an English Blu-Ray remaster in 2017. I've read the manga and some of the novelizations in the mean time and, to be honest, they were pretty middle of the road, nostalgia notwithstanding.

Thank you for reading my ramble that was intended to be a short introduction to a short video game review.

A 2D exploration platformer with RPG elements (levels, stats, different bows and weapons to equip).

Briefly: a beautiful game. No flaws, but nothing that stands out either.

This game is beautiful. If you like the pixel aesthetic at all, I think you'll also love it. Critical hit in my visual sensibilities. It looks like Symphony of the Night looks in my nostalgia painted memories. The only note: it doesn't exactly take any risks, design wise, but if it did, that wouldn't be very true to the source material would it?

The music works.

Combat is pretty fun, if a bit easy. There are seven elements, you get wind and fire options for your basic attacks, and spells and special bows for the rest. Swapping elements changes your resistances too. The different types of weapons (long sword, knife, two-handed, spear, and throwing) offer some variety, as do the attractive designs. That said, for a melee based game like this, I prefer slightly more technical and challenging combat. Hollow Knight's a good example of my sweet spot, and Blasphemous is also well in my strike zone.

Movement is basically okay. You have to feel like a badass when you leave an after image trailing behind you. The wind element comes with the ability to hover (move slowly in mid air at up to your maximum jump height above ground or water), and they do a couple fun things with that. Other than that, it's all pretty straight-forward, which is a little disappointing.

They do some fun occasional fun puzzles with the archery.

Individual room design was fun sometimes, but the overall map design was lackluster. Yet another victim of the trend where leadership says, "Adding metroidvania tag increases sales, so do it," and design can only respond, "If we take a linear game, fold the map up in a spiral, and occasionally make you back track, that makes a fun exploration experience right?" It's been done worse but it's still not great.

This sort of game tends not to have a lot of story, but what there was was pretty good. One of those cases where the writers have a "twist" in mind, but did not intend for the player to be confused about it at all, just the character. The dramatic irony still makes the pay off satisfying.

It took me about 12 hours to 100%. It's on PC for 20$, which might be worth it. The Switch and PS4 versions are full price games, which is faintly baffling for a game so short, no matter how pretty and nostalgic.

And that's why I've shared so many words with my dash over what's ultimately a decent game; because of the anchor its series dropped in my heart in childhood.

Thank you for reading.

#original #review #words #long post #record of lodoss war #steam says I've got 33 hours in it but that's because of a couple times I closed the game but steam didn't think I did #I replayed symphony of the night and super metroid recently (ugh... holy shit... a few years ago now)#to see if they held up as the gold standards of the nonlinear exploration platformers that they are in my mind #and they absolutely were; it's no wonder at all that they created a genre themselves #if only more movies and books from my childhood followed that trend #since I can't mention the 'metroidvania that shouldn't have been one' without thinking about the worst example of it:#dust an elysian tail would've been an okay beat 'em up game; adding the most lackluster 'metroidvania' elements possible just made it worse #everybody needs to take more inspiration from games like axiom verge and hollow knight #I hope tumblr's recent spurt of transmisogyny doesn't burn it down around us; where else will I be able to post this kind of nonsense?#and then ramble about it in the tags after?#after I posted this I clicked my record of lodoss war tag: it is 90% cute pictures of deedlit #and in every other one I also explain the translation of the title again 😂

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bonefall · 1 year

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Thoughts on Riverstar? I find him interesting, especially considering he objects to early clan life but ultimately becomes a leader despite that

River Ripple is actually one of the most interesting parts of DotC and if the Erins actually cared about how Clan Culture evolved, they would have made him a much bigger player in DotC. But no, instead, we've smacked the climactic Battle of Fourtrees in the MIDDLE of the arc to make room for the Clear Sky Redemption Arc That Isnt Even A Redemption Arc.

But hey at least we got One Eye and Slash. We all remember One Eye and Slash right. Those were villains that definitely didnt feel forced and entirely completely didnt contribute to the 'evil foreigner' thing that warrior cats as a series is plagued with

No it doesn't count if you only remember One Eye through CheeCats, CheeCats has a massive brain and can do whatever they want forever. If you or a loved one has started shipping River Ripple x One Eye as a result of CheeCats you may be entitled to financial compensation.

i am included in this demographic.

But enough grinding my teeth over the parts of DotC I don't like. This is about Riverstar, a part of DotC that I DO like

Cats of the Park

The Cats of the Park have such a fascinating culture, and it seems to have a bunch of the 'missing pieces' that the Sun Trail cats don't share with their descendants. The mentor/apprenticeship system, the nature reverence, the changing of names after significant events, the rigid schedules and rituals of their daily lives...

Even the leap to worshiping STARS comes from River Ripple and the Cats of the Park.

Heck, it would have been super cool if the Clan cats actually got to react to the destruction of the Park. I think that would have been a really fun and horrific way to rise up the tension, put more stress on the forest to feed a sudden influx of cats, and establish that humans are starting to encroach.

ESPECIALLY if it happened after Thunder Rising, you know? Set up River Ripple as one of Thunder's good friends, helping him realize that his relationship with his biodad is toxic. Then he falls into the river but comes out okay, instilling a reverence of the forest in ALL of his friends

Riverstar Himself

It's really cool to see that River himself is so relaxed about everything, it's a fun and refreshing mindset that we don't get in very many cats, ESPECIALLY not after the rigidity of Clan life is established in later books.

I think that would have been a super cool contrast to the invasive mountain cats, with Clear Sky bringing his concept of borders and battles, and River Ripple trying to appease him with teamwork and diplomacy... and Thunder, Wind Runner, and Tall Shadow realizing it is not going to work.

So I think if there's one thing I really don't like about River Ripple as a character, it's how he doesn't get dragged into the bigger conflicts.

I don't think any character should have gotten that luxury, especially not someone who will become a leader later on. I think the writers let him have too much of an easy time hiding behind his river and watching everything happen from afar.

He does get involved in the One Eye and Slash conflicts, of course... but personally it just feels kinda weak.

Like, he understands the purpose of getting involved AFTER witnessing the corpse-making event at Fourtrees, not suffering loss or injury exactly because he minded his own business? Feels backwards to me.

So to be clear: What I WANT is for him to not want to get involved, but the plot should keep dragging him back in against his will.

Anyway, overall I really like the guy.

#Warrior Cats Analysis #I have a lot of ideas for how I plan to rewrite DOTC and it's one of the few arcs I am willing to massively overhaul #and for the record i will actually be making River Ripple x One Eye a part of it because it's my kitchen and im hooked.#I really think there's just. No salvaging the horrible pacing if you put the Four Trees Battle at the middle.#It was a horrible idea and not even worth the IDEA of what came after #Clear Sky's redemption was a BAD idea #We ended up having two ridiculously out-of-nowhere rogue bands because they tried to nonsensically soften the main antagonist #It's almost like the main driver of conflict......... drives the main conflict #One Eye and Slash will remain in extremely altered forms #And Tom may end up being fused with Slash #Tom being the kittypet name and Slash being the name he gets after shacking up with One Eye #River Ripple #Riverstar #I didn't get into my rewrite in this post btw #This is all just analysis #Rereading my post now and man even when I'm talking GOOD about DotC you can see how much I dislike this arc #IT DOES HAVE GOOD PARTS #I just personally feel it's mega outweighed by the bad #and even the good parts are suspended in the aspic jelly of the rest of the plot #Anyway this has been Bones Rambles in the Tags Hour #And I will be doing my beloved sketch requests because I found some colored pencils lmao

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places-people · 8 months

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did the most embarrassing thing of my life last night to fall asleep but you know what. I fucking fell asleep so I’m calling it a win

#Nate says stuff #see if I type a lot of nonsense in these tags #I can just build them up enough that tumblr requires people to press read more right #so eventually #if I just keep rambling about garbage #those who don’t care won’t see what I did #and I can giggle and laugh at myself in the tags because it WAS ridiculous of me and I AM embarrassed but it’s also funny #anyway I think this is long enough #I put on one of those deep voice gay Asmr boyfriend things on YouTube. no I don’t wanna talk about it #yes I was asleep in 10 minutes according to my watch after laying in bed 2 hours #anyway. bye

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tvrningout · 5 months

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i'm gonna shower and see if that helps, but forgive me if i retire early tonight! this headache is being a menace and it's making it really hard to concentrate ;n;

#it's making all my words sound like nonsense to me too so the whole time i'm wondering if i'm making sense whatsoever #hopefully tomorrow before/after my korean final i can get some stuff done but it might be best that i just relax tonight #i haven't been sleeping very well at all bc i never wanna go to sleep at a decent hour lately and that's bc i feel so busy ;;;;#i want extra time to myself you know #anyway anyway!! fingers crossed that hot waters helps this headache go away!!#get ready to ramble | ooc

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always-a-joyful-note · 1 year

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Thinking some fandom thoughts and then about ORV's portrayal of an author-character-reader relationship with the story and realising how....lacking at times the whole death of the author perspective on media can be.

(Turned out to be long and rambly so I put it under a cut. If you like death of the author, probably not for your worldview? Also, beware major ORV spoilers if you care about that)

Like, perhaps I'm misinterpreting something here, but in ORV, we had these three characters plus an entire system that gave us a look into the relationship between author/reader/character. And focusing on the Han Sooyoung, Kim Dokja, and Yoo Joonghyuk dynamic, I realise that none of them really died. Pushing asides Joonghyuk and Dokja for the moment (as I am talking about death of the author), we have Han Sooyoung whose consciousness faded after finishing Ways of Survival.

However, I don't know if we can really call that death of the author, really. Because Sooyoung's whole purpose in writing ORV, her authorial intention, was to save Kim Dokja's life...which she DID. And even after the story left her hands, her intentions were imprinted into the story itself. Yes, Dokja realised that the system was lenient to him because of (spoiler alert) his status as the OD. But at the same time, I think that Han Sooyoung's authorial intent to keep Dokja alive with WoS can also be taken as a factor in the system's leniency towards our reader.

And just jumping from that back to my original point, while death of the author IS fun and can be awesome for reinterpreting stories that the author may have intended as problematic (to our modern standards, at least), to separate the actual story itself from its creator seems just....a tad disrespectful to the author.

Or maybe disrespectful isn't the right word. Like, say, even if said author is objectively the worst of humans, there remains the fact that the story in essence has part of them embedded into it. It doesn't make sense, at least to me, to only give "morally okay" writers the allowance of people who put a part of themselves in their works. Any writer, even those who are writing for money imo, can't help but put part of their own selves into their story...and to separate the story from the author just because we hate the author or hate their beliefs seems a bit counter-productive. You can't just say, after all, that this author's vulnerability in their writing is okay because it's Correct but this other guy's vulnerability should be ignored because it's chalk full of Problematic Content.

But again, that's not to justify authors you dislike or the deeply wrong messages implied in their works. Especially those that could easily be shooed away by employing death of the author. But I think I'd consider fanfic or analyses that ignore authorial intent and their message to be something...new entirely? (Best way I can say it is something something death of an author employed to help the reader create their own narrative inspired by someone else's story rather than it being used to ignore author intent and claim our interpretation is what canon actually meant).

I think there's a saying in music as well as writing that you could play the same exact score or write the same story, it's just that things will come out different depending on the player or writer. (That's not a perfect comparison because the player/musician who WROTE the score could be considered a reader/author relationship...the point is more that the same thing will look different in the hands of different people. And that just as the reader will interpret something in their own way when reading/re-reading (another ORV reference), the author also has placed in their own interpretation and intent in that own work...which should at worst be respected because they DID make that content (and then we proceed to brutally revise it to make something we like better xD) or at best be taken as "word of god" for lack of a better term)

Not sure if any of this makes sense, and I definitely don't have any factual evidence to back up this opinion, but it was just something I was thinking of.

TL:dR? Death of the author is FUN and actually pretty cool but I think the things coming out of it are new(ish) things/works entirely, and og author's beliefs/intentions are important to consider for that text they wrote in of itself.

#honestly this thought came from scrolling through the narnia tag and feeling slight despair over movies vs book #and also a bit of a surprise at how MANY people still believe in the problem of susan....like i thought we were past that?#and how many people dont seem to get or like that cs lewis' christianity deeply inspired it #or how much historical and cultural context we might need to understand some of the choices #like the pevensies whole isekai regressions #another example i can think of is lotr....and another is funny enough the bible #but those arent things i know well enough #but yeah....orv and narnia conspiring together for this nonsense of mine #again disclaimer this really isnt meant to attack anyone or say im right...its just another opinion to be lost in the sea of internet #but yeah....i did kinda get carried away xD...my poor rambles never get any good transitions #fandom spamdom #note's nonsense #things about writing #orv spoilers #another disclaimer i wrote this after having been awake for like....almost 19 hours coherence be gone #but yeeting it into the void nevertheless #i also think there was a post circulating once that talked about death of the author not being actually used in academic circles #excuse me rambling in the tags

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lunarfeat21 · 11 months

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ah what a beautiful day- wait…

*intense brainrot of transformers x the mandela catalogue crossover bs, most bots and humans allies are alternates are flooding my mind*

OHGAWDINEEDTODRAWTHISTOMAKETHEMLEAVE

*thoughts beginning to waned*

NOOOOOO!!!!! I NEED YOU TO LEEEEAAAAAAAAAVVVVV-

#Won’t get it until the next few hours #My mind always goes to one thought to another #random ramblings #nonsense #Feat21 Speaking #like literally #transformers x the Mandela catalogue linger in my mind for roughly four months #After watching the two videos from Alex Kister

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unusualshrimp · 1 year

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#why can't i STOP TALKING about things i like #every time i convince myself not to do it. that it's annoying and it's not gonna be as interesting to other ppl as it is to me #and then i just!!!! keep doing it anyway!!!!! god it feels almost compulsive like even after i DECIDE to not do it im just like #hii guess what [annoyingly rambles for an hour]#i HATE it i dont think im built to socialize with anyone or have friends ever like. GIRL SHUT THE FUCK UP!!#I've always been like this idk how to stop. it's not cute it's not sweet it's just so fucking annoying #2011: i talk about whatever nonsense im interested in at the moment and people look at me weird and i dont have any friends #2016: omg online fandoms 🥺#2022: i talk about whatever nonsense im interested in at the moment and people look at me weird and i dont have any friends #god. why can't i stop #how do normal people do it!! i wish i didn't like things like this it's insane its weird no one likes this kind of person #literally i wish i could put my brain into a washing machine or something. turn it normal. because this sucks i hate it #anyways.#tw vent #or whatever idc i hate this website too why tf do i have 300+ followers who are you all.

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polarisjisung · 6 months

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SILENT TREATMENT

synopsis: your boyfriend broke some guy's nose for you, but what he doesn't realise is he also broke his promise to you

wc: 0.9k

pairings: bf!jeno x fem!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: mention of blood like once (feel the need to mention I don't want to romanticise violence 💀)

notes: jeno lee is driving me insane.

Jeno doesn't like it, the silence. He liked to hear you ramble about nonsensical things, the sound of your awkward chatter filling the room, not the incessant pattering of rain against the roof above.

That's the first sign, he figures

On most days, you'd warn him before pressing an alcohol soaked cotton swab against his wounds, delicately pressing down on his jaw with a worried stare. Today you grip his chin firmly, tilting his head upwards and swiping over the cut less gently than before.

That's the second.

The air is cold coming in through the open bathroom window, the dim lighting not sufficient for him to make out your features, when you step a little further away, but still just enough for him to notice the way your nostrils flare and you bite at your lip when reaching for the antiseptic gel kept in the cupboard to your right.

Three of three, he thinks, and jeno comes to the only valid conclusion there is.

Your usually talkative, enthusiastic, and bubbly self now so cold and stand offish, it only meant one thing, something you could argue the lee found entertaining judging by the innocent smile on his lips.

"Are you angry at me?"

A glare is the only response jeno gets.

Not angry enough to leave him to tend to his own wounds, he figures, so really just how angry could you be?

"ow, it hurts" he whines cautiously, taking ahold of your hand as it passes over the deep red, bloody incision in his bicep— which by the way, was doing nothing to help you maintain your rage.

your eyes, however, don't widen, and your lips don't move forward into a pout, you don't react.

nothing except pulling your hand back.

maybe you were a little angrier than he thought.

"silent treatment huh?" he seems amused, a short chuckles escaping his busted lip as you�� disinfect the wound, the laugh echoing through the room.

You couldn't stay mad at him, not for long at least, jeno knew that much, so despite watching you walk away to replace the first aid kit just where you found it, ready to use the next time jeno got himself like this, he knows he hasn't got a thing to worry about

Equally, you know jeno just as well, and you know that walking anywhere in his reach would end in you wrapped up in his arms, being showered with soft sweet apologetic kisses like always

Only you both realise your phone is left forgotten on the counter beside him, and if bothering your boyfriend after a long day wasnt on your list of things to do, scrolling for unnecessarily long hours through twitter certianly was.

In hopes to outsmart him you try and lunge to grab the device, only to find yourself in the very position you imagined, lee jeno's strong arms wrapped around your waist, sweet brown eyes staring back.

"can't run now can you baby?"

You scoff, only managing to turn your face away from his— getting uncaged from his arms was far beyond you.

Jeno let's his head fall into the crook of your neck, your floral perfume overtaking the medicinal smell in the air as he pecks the corner of your lips, slowly tracing your jawline with soft kisses until you finally turn to face him again.

"I'm sorry" he whispers, calloused, bruised hands holding your chin with utmost tenderness. The rough skin of his thumb traces over your lower lip, a soft kiss placed there once again.

"you said you wouldn't"

jeno pauses, confused.

"you promised you would stop"

the desperate tone in your voice is clear as day, and it doesn't take jeno much longer to realise, this wasn't about what he'd done, it was about what he'd said he wouldn't do

the cracks in your shaky voice are enough for the bitter taste of guilt to bubble in his stomach and rise to the tip of his tongue, your glossy eyes staring back, disappointed

"I'm sorry" he sighs, eyebrows furrowing as he stares down at you, "I'm so so sorry my sweet girl."

The hair messily sprawled across your forehead is pushed to the side by his index finger, an apologetic kiss pressed to your temple. Jeno's hand is placed at the crown of your head, soothingly passing his fingers through your hair when you're pulled forwards into his chest, resting your arms at his side as you let your weight fall onto him.

"Please, don't get hurt because of me" your hands reach for his, and jeno realises you're asking him once again, to promise he wouldn't do it—this time he doesn't know if he can.

"I can't stand it." his tone differs from the sweet one he uses with you, or the mocking one he'd taken on earlier, now he spits harsh words at the floor, eyes rolling instinctively. "those scumbags talking about my pretty girl like that."

you notice the way his fist tightens, the plasters you'd just placed over his knuckles slipping off his skin in seconds.

"if you can fight them for me" with a cold hand against his cheek, you reach up to guide his eyes back to meet yours, "can't you, not, fight them for me too?"

he smiles— you giggle, the very man who'd just taken on another 2 guys almost twice his size just a few minutes ago now looked at you with a wide grin and two crescent moons in place of his eyes.

"I'll try" and suddenly you wear a smile just as wide as his "I'd do anything for you"

You don't doubt it.

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master-xochimilli · 11 days

Text

I dunno I just think getting sucked off by my pup as I go on one of my half hour non stop nonsense rambles would be the hottest fucking thing ever

Like fuck yeah I'm gonna cum load after load into my pretty boy's mouth as he chokes on my cock while I pet his head and let them rest their cheek on my thigh as I ramble about what fruits I bought at the store

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literaila · 1 month

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omg i’m not sure if you have a fic on this yet but what about the very first time megumi calls reader mom? does he freak out? does reader try to keep it cool but is actually dying inside? is there angst? what do you think??

it’s well known that megumi does call you mom… just not to your face (and then he freaks out).

but then, even after that, it takes him a while to feel comfortable referring to you with a title that he doesn’t fully understand. megumi doesn’t know what a mom is, what he’s supposed to feel for his so called mother…

unlike tsumiki, of course, who, almost exactly two years into living with you and satoru, was fully on board with the title.

you’d been tucking her in one night, smiling at her nonsensical ramblings about school and some girl she met at the store earlier in the day, when she’d just asked.

“can i call you mom?”

you paused your fluffing of her pillows. “what?”

“it’s okay if you don’t want me to,” tsumiki had answered back, hurriedly, her sweet voice true. “i just wanted to ask.”

and… it took a moment to regain any composure after that.

i mean, sure. you knew—truly—that the little girl and boy you would protect with your life were yours. they might’ve been someone else’s—a lifetime ago, when the world was better and reality was more genuine.

but in your world, they were yours.

(and satoru’s sometimes. but very rarely).

you’d been referring to them in kind for… almost two years. it only took a week of knowing the two of them—tsumiki with her genuine heart and show stopping smiles, and megumi with his brooding and paying far too much attention—for you to think as such. they were your children a month in.

but still, you knew that to them, you weren’t… the ideal. you weren’t a nurturer, not a babysitter or an aunt, not a friend but never anything less.

you were just there.

and really, that’s all you wanted to be for them. you didn’t need a title, didn’t need some overrated birthright. you just wanted to see the two of them at the dinner table, laughing at each other and picking at their food.

you weren’t going to ask for anything more.

but being their mom?

you looked down to tsumiki, unable to keep the ache out of your heart, the twinge out of your eyes. “miki,” you answered softly. “are you sure?”

the two of you had talked at length about moms. yours, who took the time you had together for granted, and tsumiki’s mom, who had their time stolen from her.

and you knew how much a mother meant to tsumiki. megumi had no recollection of their parents, but tsumiki couldn’t manage to forget.

“only if it’s okay with you,” the girl whispered, large, beautiful brown eyes looking into yours.

and, honestly, how are you supposed to say no to that?

“of course,” you’d answered back, a magical grin growing on your face. “you can call me whatever you want.”

“okay,” tsumiki met your grin with one of her own.

and when you closed the door that night, it was to the sound of a soft “goodnight, mom,” and the never ending glowing of your heart—just for your little girl.

when you left her room, wandering aimlessly through the house, falling face first on the couch and laying there until your bones ached, satoru couldn’t get anything out of you.

he’d tried rolling you over, irritating you with some bland remark, pulling on your hair… all to no avail.

but when you finally sat up, after about a half an hour, your grin was still so blinding that satoru was concerned for your health. waving a hand in front of your face just to see if you would still react.

you kept your conversation to yourself, knowing you’d probably only be able to hoard it for the night. but that was enough.

but megumi… he’s never been as easy as tsumiki. never as trusting.

so there isn’t a ground breaking conversation. he doesn’t tell you that he’s grateful for you, or that he feels lucky to have you in his life, or that your family is the best thing the little boy could imagine.

no, he’d never say any of that.

when megumi calls you mom for the first time (to your face) it’s in some boring, nonchalant moment.

you’re sitting on the couch, attempting to braid satoru’s stupid hair, when his little voice comes in from down the hallway, almost whining.

“hey mom?” he calls, head peeking around the corner.

“yeah?”

“did i give you my library book?”

“nope,” you pop, meeting his eyes. “did you lose it?”

megumi looks away, back towards his room. “no…” he says, suspiciously, walking back down the hall.

oh, well. at least if it’s gone satoru will be the one paying for it. really, you need to set a limit on the number of books he checks out at once.

you shake your head but focus back in on the object at hand. why is his hair all different lengths? it doesn’t even make any sense.

but satoru’s got his head tilted back, already smiling at you like he knows something you don’t.

“what?” you ask, frowning. you nudge his head but he doesn’t move. you sigh. “did you hide his book?”

satoru doesn’t answer that—probably because he did—he only blinks at you, eyes alight with something you’ll probably never understand.

“what?” you repeat, bothered.

satoru’s grin grows wider. “nothing.”

“then look forward. im busy.”

he chooses, in that moment, to let you deal with it yourself. so he only tucks back his smile, looking towards the mantle once again.

and when you’ve got his hair back in your hands, parting it on the side, he just says, “you’re really terrible at this, you know?”

you gasp. “is that a grey hair, satoru?” you pull at a strand. “you must be working too hard.”

he pulls away, trying aimlessly to look up at his own head. “where!?” he demands, and you only laugh at him.

it’s not until later that night, when satoru’s hands are in your hair this time, brushing through it, and all of the lights are off that you realize it.

“did megumi call me mom?” you ask, into the dark. your voice is mindless, dazed.

“i was wondering when you’d notice.”

and if there’s a slight prick to your eyes, it’s got nothing to do with that, okay? it’s just a title.

if you shed a tear it’s only because satoru accidentally pulls on a knot in your hair and he’s a bastard. really.

(when megumi does it again the next day you have to lean against the counter and try not to tackle the boy where he stands).

#don’t even ask me about the kids calling satoru dad #he probably throws a party just for the occasion #every year calls it his ‘dad-iversary’#gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo x you #a typical family #satoru x reader

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dilatorywriting · 8 months

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Hello! May I request 94. With Rook?

I certainly wouldn't mind the smoot if you think it fits into what you write-

Gender Neutral Reader x Rook Hunt Word Count: 1.2k

Prompt 94: "Don’t act innocent, you had me pinned underneath you 5 minutes ago."

🌶️ Warning for Mild Spice

[EVENT MASTERLIST]

“Just a bit of chase!” he says.

“The thrill of the hunt can be so fun!” he says.

Except now you’re covered in sweat and doubled over panting like you’re going to go into cardiac arrest. Because Rook’s idea of ‘oh, just a little run around, je promets!’ involved nothing less than a full fucking sprint through the wooded areas of the campus—over hill, and under hill, and godyou were so out of shape.

You gasped into your knees, bent over in anticipation of just, I don’t know. Death? Vomit? All of the above?

“Ah, don’t tell me you’ve given up already, mon cher!” the aforementioned demon cooed from somewhere in the trees. In the trees! Like a literal, freaking hunter of old, and not your coddling boyfriend smiling all pretty when he says ‘just a bit.’ Absolute bullshit. You wanted a refund. “We’ve only just begun!”

“It’s been—” you gasped, swiping a furious hand over your dripping brow, “—an hour! You fucking masochist!”

“A true predator knows best that a subtle, steady approach is always the most satisfying, mon petit lapin,” he hummed, voice echoing discordantly over your head. “And how could I not take my time, when the reward is bound to be so sweet, hmm?”

“What reward?” you snapped. “Me doing this at all is the reward!”

The blonde’s trilling laughter curled through the air like the tinkle of a windchime. Light, and airy, and pleasant. Which was deceptive. And entirely unfair.

“Ah, but mon favori. I doubt you could ever say no to a little death, hmm?” he cooed. And the continued, with an air of faux consideration. “A bit for you, and then perhaps a bit for me. And then a bit more for you—”

Fuck his poetry. It was going to be a big death. A literal death. With rigor mortis, and decay, and a bloating corpse if you didn’t have a chance to collapse into a puddle in the next five minutes. Normally Rook’s sweet sonnets and romantic ramblings were something you found quite endearing. But surely anyone would be pushed past their Cutesy Bullshit Tolerance after being chased like a bat out of hell for the past literal hour. You felt woozy, and wrong footed, and like maybe that muffin you’d snagged for breakfast might be in the process of making up its mind to come back up to say hello.

“You have to run, petit lapin,” that chittering voice called again. “That’s the whole point.”

“No!” you snapped, stomping your foot like a toddler. “I give up! I’m a dumb rabbit! A lame rabbit! A rabbit with no legs! Just—get me already!” you shouted into the leafy canopy.

Silence.

You glared up into the kaleidoscope of greens, eyes narrowed as you searched the shadows. Surely he was somewhere. Somewhere close. You just had to—

And then you were crashing forward with an inelegant screech—a familiar, gloved hand pressing into the skin at the back of your neck and the other twisting into your uniform jacket to push you down into the dirt. And then Rook was sitting astride your hips, looking down at you with a sharp, brilliant gleam in his emerald eyes.

“Ah, mon pauvre lapin perdu,” he sighed, all faux sympathy, and shifted to lean forward so that he could grin into your flushed face. “Whatever shall I do with you, hmm? Rolling over to show your belly so readily. Certainly that’s far from safe.”

There was a tight, warm, whoosh in your gut. A twisting thing that you knew far too well at this point. And it spelled nothing but bad things.

You raised your chin as best as you could, meeting that toothy smirk of his head on, and then—

Ah. Nope. That had been the muffin after all.

Your face went green and you rolled onto your side to barf chunks of banana-nut-nonsense all over the grass.

.

“Mon cher, how can you ever forgive me?” Rook wailed, dabbing a soft, silk cloth against your heated forehead, nearly in tears. “I have failed you so horribly! So completely! I deserve to be cast from your good graces! Cursed to errer seul! Mutilé par des chiens! Jeté en enfer! Forcé de se repentir pour toujours!—”

“Enough, please,” you whined, pinching at the bridge of your nose. “I’d rather you just, I don’t know, got me a glass of water.”

“Right away!” he chirped, shooting to his feet and darting out the door and down the hall. He was back hardly a moment later, depositing a clean cup into your hands and plunking a curling, purple straw into the center of it.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, leaning forward to take a sip.

“Anything at all for you, mon cher!”

This was almost worse somehow.

“Would you cut it out,” you sighed. “It’s fine. Really. Shit happens.”

He stared up at you from where he was kneeled on the floor at your side with the largest, most doleful eyes you’d ever seen. Like a kicked puppy dog had a sad, sad child with, like, an even more pathetic, more kicked, kitten. You jabbed at him with your foot.

“And stop that!”

“Stop what?” he asked, blinking those stupid, stupid green eyes at you.

“Acting all innocent!” you complained. “You literally had me pinned underneath you, like, five minutes ago!”

“I did, didn’t I?” he hummed, sounding almost pensive. He reached up to tap at his chin, like he was chewing over a thought. “And I wasn’t even able to keep my promise, was I?” he lamented, deflating.

“What promise?” you frowned.

“For a bit of mutual demise,” he sighed. “Une petite mort.”

You felt heat crawl up your cheekbones and all the way to the tips of your ears. Because this had been some whole, elaborate setup, hadn’t it? Something that you’d only agreed to because he’d seemed so, ah, enthusiastic. And then you’d gone and barfed up banana chunks and ruined the whole thing.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

Rook’s head shot up and he reached out to snare your hands in his.

“Non, non, mon cher!” he gasped. “This was hardly your fault to speak of! It is I and my poor planning that ought to make recompence,” he said.

And then, a terribly acute sort of brilliance came over his face. Like a lightbulb went off in his brain. Those green eyes went sharp with focus. He seemed to roll the his words around on his tongue, as if deciding exactly how they ought to taste when he let them fall back out again.

“And recompense I shall make!” he chirped, determined and shifted so his chin was resting in your lap. He sent you a coy little grin that had shivers racing down your spine.

“I literally just threw up,” you complained.

“This will certainly help you feel better,” he offered.

“That’s not the point!” you squawked. “Shouldn’t I—I don’t know—at least brush my teeth or something first?”

“Forgive me, mon petit lapin,” he laughed against your thigh. “But last I checked, I don’t think your mouth has anything do with this. And besides,” he crooned, reaching up to press a firm hand against your shoulder and help ease you down to the mattress below. “That was from overexertion, I’m afraid. Not illness. And I can promise, mon cher, that this time, you won’t have to bother putting any work in at all~”

.

#4k Event #twisted wonderland imagines #twst x reader #Rook Hunt x Reader #Rook x Reader #Rook Hunt #My Writing #Writing Prompts

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weird-is-life · 3 months

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helloo! okay this might be a long request so buckle up. idea for spencer based off of my day; let it be know that i relate to spence, even if I have a "low" iq, what i mean is, I ramble. and watching people shut down spencer when he's about to rant always made me sad (obviously). but i realized it's because that happens to me. I'm a very geeky person so i get passionate and i understand why people would shut me down (still hurts tho). but today one of my friends asked a question it was about simpler animals and what the difference was. me loving animals and knowing the answer, well I spoke up but immediately got talked over about something not relevant. my real idea is, what if spencer had someone that rambled with him and appreciated his rants. like i think it'd be cute and they don't have to rant about the same thing, just both like in the corner talking absurdly fast together. and the team probably rolling their eyes. maybe??? (sorry if it was to personal) hope you have a great dayyy!!

Hiii lovely, ty for the request💕!! Hope this is okay, warnings: fluff, like one pet name (0.6k)

Sometimes Hotch kind of regrets hiring you (not really, you're a great addition to the team and everybody loves you), but when he sees you and Spencer together, the thought crosses his mind.

What he really does regret, is putting your desk and Spencer's desk next to each other. Big, big, big mistake.

You and Spencer are hunched over something at your desk, talking very quickly, as you two often do. Hotch finds your conversations, against his better judgement, cute. But not when he's trying to start a meeting and you two can't seem to notice.

He and the team see this on a regular basis, it's nothing new, that you and Spencer talk and talk about something, anything, completely in your own world.

Your conversations are still the same just like the first time, you and Spencer met. Maybe they got even worse. You two can ramble on and on for hours like it's nothing.

And you love it. You love talking to Spencer. The topic of your conversation is never a problem, you can talk about anything and nothing at the same time.

Just the fact, that you can talk to each other without being talked over, interrupted or hushed down is everything to you and to him.

Spencer feels the same. He loves talking to you. Your sweet, sweet voice makes it even better. He loves even just listening to you talk, it's maybe his favourite thing in the world.

Especially, when you two talk about the most silly, random stuff, while lying in the bed late at night. Chuckling and rambling without a care in the world. Maybe he loves it so much, because the team doesn't know about it. It's like something sacred between just you and him.

That's definitely his happy place, just you two having a quiet conversations with sleepy voices.

"Spence, have you read this book before?" you ask, pointing at the book lying on your desk.

"Oh," Spencer's face lights up with recognition," I have. It's really good, right?"

"I don't know, I haven't started it yet. I want to, but I can't bring myself to read it after a day full of work," you say to Spencer.

"I-I could read it to you?" he hesitantly offers.

"Spence, it's almost 800 pages long...." you chuckle at his offer.

"I don't mind," he quickly responds.

You think about it, but not for too long. You don't really need convincing, not when it comes to Spencer.

"Well, okay then. But only if you really want to," you give him a smile.

"I want to," he reassures you," and i do have some suggestions...."

"Like what?"

"Like books, that are similar to this. If you like this one, I could lend them to you-" Spencer's fast rambling gets interrupted, but not by you, never by you.

"Yo, lovebirds, we'd be very happy to let you talk about whatever nonsense you're talking about, but we all want to have this meeting over with. So if you'd be so kind to join us, that'd be nice," Derek basically yells at you from the conference room's doorway, making everybody in the room look at you and Spencer.

Your cheeks go a bit pink at Derek's words, you haven't realised that they were waiting on you and Spencer.

"Relax Derek, we're coming," Spencer says back loudly, " come on sweetheart, let's go there before they get mad at us," Spencer tells you, rolling his eyes over Derek's words.

"We'll talk about the book more later, yeah?" Spencer promises.

"Later?"

"I could come over tonight?" Spencer unsurely proposes.

"That'd be great, I'd love that," you'd never pass an opportunity to spend time with Spencer and getting to listen to him talk.

Somebody would maybe find reading to each other boring, but you and Spencer would never. It's like your love language.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid

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