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vivaldisspring · 4 months

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Due to popular demand (5 people asked me), I shall tell the story of how I married my TC

LONG READ AHEAD – THIS IS 7 PAGES ON MY WORD DOC

Hi TCC! I’m Anissa, I’m 27 years old, but I’ve had dumb tcs since I was 11 because of whatever the hell is deeply wrong with me. Before I start, I want to point out how very lucky I was to be surrounded by sensible, responsible, righteous adults as I grew up, so that I was never exposed to any danger – and I’m including adults in the tcc, as I was around here when I was a minor as well. I hope, if you are a minor, you understand that my story is a college story, everything happened between adults (and it started when I was 21), and absolutely nothing that I will say here applies to a high school setting. To be completely honest, it is not exactly any advice for a college setting either, as you will see that I have sorely regretted a lot of my actions and they have led to people getting hurt (mostly me). Even when it comes to professor-student relationships, I would still advise you to not act on your crush, or at least wait until you’ve graduated college. Had I done that, I would’ve spared myself a lot of headache. Also, I do believe as you get older, large age gaps get easier to deal with.

PART 1: JAMES (my crush)

I was 18 when I started college as a History major. It was 2015, and due to issues with my family that I’m not going to go into, I was severely depressed. I soon dropped out of college, spent some time away, and returned in 2017 (20 years old) as a Foreign Languages major this time. So, at 20 years old, I was still a freshman, which to me was super embarrassing, but oh well. Mental health first.

That’s when I met James (not his real name). He was a professor at my university, mainly teaching English. (I do not live in an English-speaking country, so English here doesn’t mean literature in English, but rather the actual language – reading, writing and listening skills in English). James was in his mid-thirties back then, I think, had gotten his PhD and a professor job at my university not too long before. The way it happened is, he published on the department’s Facebook page a notice that he needed an assistant to one of the English classes he taught. His only requirement was, the student needed to have finished the course with the highest grade. That was my case, as I had taken that course the previous semester (with a different professor). In my university, when you’re an assistant to a professor in any class, you get credits. I wanted credits, so I emailed him expressing my interest. He said great, come by my office next week at this time, and we can talk about it.

I went to his office as we had agreed, and that’s when I first met him in person. We talked for a bit, I thought he was very nice, and we agreed I would be his assistant in that specific English class. As his assistant, I was present in all of his classes, I helped take attendance, set up the projector, organize the desks/chairs, prepare the assignments, hand them out, grade them if necessary, answer any questions the students might have, etc. It was a Reading Comprehension class, so I also selected texts in English that I thought would be a good fit for him to assign to the students. This meant that we spent a lot of time together and we had a lot of contact outside of class, discussing plans for the course and solving problems that showed up. We would meet earlier than the time the class started, and after the class ended we stayed together for a while too. I didn’t have a crush on him immediately – it developed throughout the semester, because I guess of our growing proximity.

Now, let me tell you. When the crush did develop. I was OBSESSED. It was INSANE. I’d had crushes on teachers before, in middle school and in high school, but NOTHING LIKE THIS. Those crushes paled in comparison; they were reduced to jokes. My crush on James CONSUMED me, mind, body and soul. I don’t think I can stress this enough. I was a MESS – it was so deep, so strong, unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I thought about him every single minute of every single day. I planned every single one of my actions around him. I dressed for him, I got into credit card debt from buying expensive/pretty clothes that might appeal to him, I started a diet so I could lose weight for him (I was the thinnest and unhealthiest I’d ever been during that time), I started doing exercise (I would go jogging for 2 hours straight) also to lose weight, I wore short skirts, I showed cleavage, I put on more makeup than ever in my life. I wrote poems and songs for him, I overanalyzed our interactions and his very micro expressions, every word that he said. Every praise from him was like the highest high from the most powerful drug – the tiniest word of perceived disapproval was enough to render me suicidal. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I hesitate to call it a crush. It was an ILLNESS. I stalked this man, I stalked him online (I found out everything I could about him and his friends and family), I stalked him physically (I would wait outside his office, at a reasonable distance, for him to come out - sometimes I would go up to him and talk to him, sometimes I would just walk by him and wave, pretending it was a coincidence we were in the same area, sometimes I would just watch him walk up to his car and drive away. I wrote down his license plate and looked for his car everywhere I went. I found out what neighborhood he lived in, and I used to go there in hopes that I could find out his exact building by checking parking spots for his car, and maybe I could also run into him there?). I found out he had a girlfriend and stalked her too, and I compared myself to her to the point of insanity. I shed literal blood, sweat and tears, I dedicated months of my life to this sick obsession, and this sick obsession ONLY. This was all I had. Guys, I did things I can’t even speak of here, because they were too wrong, too petty, quite frankly too embarrassing to admit even to strangers on Tumblr. That’s how bad it was.

I couldn’t regret it more. I think, being severely depressed, I considered this crush my lifeline, and I poured my soul into it like it could save me from darkness. But it was darkness, it was awful. And the worst thing? James didn’t deserve to have to deal with it. He is actually a good guy. I’m pretty sure he noticed how I felt, but he never once took advantage of it. He kept his distance, kept everything professional and ethical, never made advances, never did anything inappropriate, and reacted to my inappropriate behavior very well. He knew I was depressed, he tried getting me into therapy, but there was only so much he could do.

Looking back, I feel my crush on James as something of a curse. I was cursed with it – and it still lingers to this day, I still feel the pain from having been burned alive by these feelings even though I’ve put out all the flames by now. I’m fine, I’m better, 6 years later I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been… but I still shake at the sight of James. I still feel like I can’t quite breathe, even though I’m happily married now and most of the time it’s like James never existed. If I run into him, I can’t say it’s not a blow.

I hope one day I can get over him completely. I wanted to tell you guys the James story because I don’t want this to be simply a “omg I got married to my tc, if I did it you can do it too!!” kind of post. I don’t want to encourage anyone to go after their tcs like I went after James because it DOES NOT END WELL and I know better than anyone how unhealthy a teacher attachment can be. I still love to hear all about your tcs and your cute interactions with them and I so relate to how you guys feel, the good parts and the bad parts, I’m absolutely not judging anyone and I love this community so much. I even write tc/age gap stories, I’m always looking for books, movies, fanfics, etc. I love the trope, I love it. But I can’t lie to you – this particular experience in 2017 screwed me over hard.

Okay. I hope that was enough of a cautionary tale. Let’s move on.

PART 2: MARK (my husband)

So I was James’s assistant in that class, and then in some others. Whenever possible I would also sign up to be his student in courses he taught. This lasted for all of 2017 (the height of it) and 2018 (got slowly better, he was no longer the center of my universe, but I still loved him).

And in the meantime, I met Mark (also not his real name), another one of my professors. While James was in his mid thirties, Mark was in his late forties (which was older than my preferred age gap). The Foreign Languages major at my university focuses mostly on English, Spanish, and French – while James taught English Comprehension, Mark taught French History (actually the exact course title is more specific, so I’m not going to name it, but it’s basically French History).

Now, remember how I said my first choice of major at the university was History? (I was persuaded to change it, I regret it, let’s not talk about it.) At that point, I was still very much a History nerd, and French History was my jam. You can still go back to my posts about Robespierre (love of my life) from 2013/2014 here on the archive to this very Tumblr account. So needless to say, I knew an awful lot about the French Revolution going into Mark’s course.

Fun fact: the first time I enrolled in one of Mark’s classes, I thought absolutely nothing of him, but I did know one thing – all of the department offices were shared by two professors, and James’s office was shared by Mark. So on the very first day of class with Mark, he (Mark) was like “guys, I forgot some papers I wanted to hand out to you, they’re in my office – would someone be so kind as to hop in there and get them for us?”. (Office was located very close to the classroom) I was a shy student who almost never spoke in class or volunteered for anything, but when I tell you I JUMPED OUT OF MY CHAIR and practically yelled over another student was already offering, I was like “I’LL GO, I’LL GO, DON’T WORRY PROFESSOR, LEAVE IT TO ME”. I knew James would be there because his class had ended just before Mark’s started. Mark thanked me and so off I went, happily. James was indeed there, working on his desk. I knocked on the door, “Hi professor, may I come in? It’s just that Mark asked me to pick up these papers right here, don’t mind me, thank you so much, hope you’re doing well, see you next class?”. It was such a short interaction with James, but it MADE MY FUCKING DAY.

One week later I dropped out of Mark’s course because arriving on time for his class was getting in the way of me spending more time with James after his class.

Yeah. The irony.

I only saw Mark again on the next semester, when I enrolled in his class once more and there was nothing keeping me from finishing the course. We got closer as time went on precisely because none of the other students even really knew who Robespierre was, and I not only knew his name, but all of the names of the main French revolutionaries and the specific radical/moderate groups they were part of, and exactly their role in the start of the French Revolution leading up to their death. I was not new to being the teacher’s pet – most of my professors loved me at that time, so I ended up being an assistant to many professors apart from James, and Mark was only another one of them. I never had a crush on Mark. When I tell you he meant nothing to me, even though we were so close and we got along so well and had so many interesting conversations about the French Revolution – still my obsession with James was deep and I didn’t have eyes for anyone else.

So how did it happen, you ask me?

One day, Mark and I were having such a good conversation, it ended up lasting longer than we anticipated. We were talking, I was walking to the bus stop, he was walking home because he lived so close to the university and he didn’t have a car. He actually rode a bicycle to the university, but that day he just dragged his bicycle with him by his side so we could keep talking. We decided to stop at a food place and grab something to eat. And we kept talking. Conversation just flowed really naturally with us, and it was kind of a relief to not have to overanalyze everything I say and everything he says. I could just talk about History, I could just fangirl over Robespierre (Mark totally gets it, he thinks Robespierre is awesome too), I could just be myself. I didn’t have many friends at the university, no one I could really talk to and just have a good time with, so Mark was a godsend. We ordered food, kept talking, argued over the bill, then resumed heading towards our destinations. I had long passed my usual bus stop, but there were many stops I could go to, so I just decided I’d take the bus on the one closest to Mark’s place.

At this point, there was definitely a vibe already, we were both going out of our way to keep spending time together. I’m not sure what inspired my actions here. Maybe I wanted to forget about James for a while. Maybe I wanted a chance to make James jealous somehow. Maybe I just wanted someone to be into me, since James clearly never would. So I made up an excuse to go up to his apartment. We spent some more time together in his balcony, overlooking the city, and then out of the blue he’s like:

“You know, James broke up with his girlfriend.”

I was SHOCKED. I was SHAKEN TO MY CORE. I swear to God, I wanted to scream, I wanted to jump, I wanted to dance. I was SO HAPPY. But I couldn’t do any of that now, could I? So much was going through my head. How did Mark know about my feelings for James anyway? (Why else would he say that??) Was I so very obvious? Had James mentioned anything to him? What about the vibe between Mark and me? WHAT WAS EVEN GOING ON?!

I tried my best to not let out my hysteria over the news that James and his girlfriend had broken up. I tried to say as nonchalantly as I could:

“Oh, really? What a shame. Why did they break up?”

“She had an abortion, it seems, that he didn’t agree with.”

Guys, I can’t even describe the turmoil inside me. I’ll be honest, it affected me so much I don’t even remember what I said next, or what he said, or the rest of our conversation. The next thing I remember, Mark and I were making out on his couch and then the rest is history.

Okay so. Mark knew I liked James, not him. I knew Mark himself had just gotten out of a difficult relationship – he had lived in France for a while and had been in love with a French woman. When he returned to our country (he had to, because of his job at the university), she came with him, they had plans to get married and have children and everything. But she wasn’t able to adapt to the new culture and to being away from her family, so she broke up with him and went back to France. There, she got back together with her ex, and soon she was pregnant by him. Mark was still grieving that, he was still very much in love with her. So basically, I wasn’t really into Mark, Mark wasn’t really into me – we were both aware of that – and we started something of an ~~affair~~ (sex, it was just sex, friends with benefits at most) having agreed that it would be nothing more, considering our feelings for other people.

And like that, it stayed, for many months. And then, I don’t know. I guess when we were together, it was hard to keep it just sex, because we got along so well. We had so many of the same interests (e.g., French Revolution), and other things we introduced to each other – he got me into so much 80s/90s music, I got him into horror movies. We also found out we both loved Nietzsche, so we started reading Nietzsche together, and it was SO productive. He helped me understand so much of what Nietzsche wrote, that now I consider my readings of Nietzsche when I was 16/17 to have been useless, I didn’t GET IT AT ALL. And (he says) my thoughts on what we were reading helped him deepen his understanding as well. I started spending a lot of time at his apartment, and we just had so much fun! Also the sex was amazing

Eventually, we decided to give it a try. We just made sense for us to date, right? If we were attracted to each other and we were the best of friends, literally what was it about James and French Lady that was so important to keep Mark and I from moving on with our lives? Especially when French Lady was already married to another guy, and James was just not interested in me no matter how hard I tried to be something he might want. It made sense to at least try. So try we did, and you know what? Best decision I ever made.

PART 3: JAMES/MARK (how it ended)

James and I were supposed to work together on a project. It wasn’t a class this time, just a separate academic research project. It was the perfect chance for me, because it would give me even more time to spend with him. But honestly. What was the point? James didn’t want anything with me. This was crystal clear. And I was trying to move on with someone else. The topic of the research wasn’t even something I liked to study (it was no French Revolution!), it was literally just an excuse to spend time with James. And that didn’t seem fair, considering I was dating Mark now. So I decided to drop out of the research project.

But I’m not going to lie to you guys. I still loved James very much, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. In fact, it was so hard that I kept putting it off, I kept delaying it, to the point I kind of ghosted James for a little while. I was so paralyzed by the prospect of giving up on him completely. And you don’t ghost someone on a research project, that’s shitty academic behavior. (Mark didn’t know about any of this, by the way. He still doesn’t to this day. I had stopped talking to him about James, because well, awkward, right?)

So one day, I decided it was time. I can’t ghost him any longer. I wrote a James a LONG (!) email, explaining why I had ghosted him (I blamed it on my depression), apologizing profusely for dropping out of the project, complimenting him intensely, and then, finally, asking him if we could maybe meet for coffee one of these days, I would like to give him a hug. Remember, this was a LONG email, and it ended with a question (can we meet in person?). Two days later, I get an answer. I don’t remember it word for word (it hurt me so deeply, I deleted the whole email exchange 5 minutes after reading it), but it was something in the lines of:

“Hi, Anissa. Thanks for explaining. Don’t worry about it, I completely understand. I hope you can get the help you need.

Best regards,

James”

I don’t think I need to explain how painful it was to receive an answer like that, after I had opened up so much to him in long paragraphs, and expressed a desire to see him. And as I got that answer, I started to ask myself why the hell I even wrote such a long email, why the hell I even asked to see him (said I wanted to HUG HIM), when I was dating someone else. In hindsight, that was an asshole move on my part. I guess James thought so too.

I don’t know if James knew about my relationship with Mark. When it comes to James and Mark, the truth is they never got along. I only found out as Mark and I became more intimate and he felt more comfortable confessing that he hates James, always has, and James hates him right back. They both avoided being at the office together. Mark thinks James is stupid, James thinks Mark is arrogant. And since I was Mark’s student, we kept our relationship a secret all along, and I’m sure Mark never told James anything. But who knows? Maybe he found out another way, maybe he guessed it. Maybe he doesn’t know at all, he just answered so coldly because he was angry at me for ghosting him on his project.

Guys. Ever since that email… I never talked to James again. We saw each other from a distance plenty of times at the university, and hell, I even took one of his classes again (it was mandatory, there was no way around it). It was 2020, during the pandemic, so it was all on Zoom, and I never had to say a word to him or show my face on the call. I took the online quizzes, and at the end of the semester I submitted a paper I had written for the final assignment. I received feedback from him saying the paper was excellent. It gave me a little bit of joy, as his praise was does… but also, a little bit of disgust. I know everything that went wrong between me and him was my fault. But I’m only human, and I can’t help it, I resent that email. I resent it a lot. I stopped talking to James partly out of respect for my new boyfriend, partly out of hatred for James and his stupid fucking email that broke my heart into a million pieces.

Flash forward to 2021. Mark and I were better than ever. One day, we’re like, you know what, if we get married we can probably save up on health insurance (I could be included in his health insurance, as his wife, and I was at that point without any health insurance at all). So I told my mom, “by the way mom, Mark and I are getting married for health insurance reasons”. My mom was over the moon and decided to plan the whole wedding. At first we wanted something small, but my mom went crazy and did something bigger than we planned (still small, because pandemic, but bigger than we wanted – there was an actual reception with my closest family and friends, back in my hometown). It was cute. Though I hate the pictures because I look so fat in my wedding dress. Being with Mark, I gained weight again, because he makes me feel loved me whether I’m thin or fat, and quite frankly fat is healthier for me. I still carry the harmful fatphobic feeling of inferiority from back when I was losing weight for James though.

2021 is when I should have graduated, but the truth is that when I had a crush on James, I fucked up a lot of my class schedule (remember how I dropped out of Mark’s class just to be able to spend time with James?) to make it work in favor of my obsession with him. And then the pandemic happened, which delayed my courses even more (we lost a whole semester there). So unfortunately, I only got to graduate last year, 2023, at the old age of 26 (awful, terrible, I hate it, I feel like shit for it, especially because it was my fault, my depression that kept me from college in 2015/2016, my sick obsessive crush that ruined my life in 2017/2018, and it was 2019 when I was able to start healing).

I’ve been married to Mark for 3 years now and it’s been THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE. I’ve never been healthier, physically and mentally, and I love him so much, and we have 2 cats, and I love my cats, and our little family and our little home.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t feel (and never have felt) for Mark what I felt for James. But I think this is a good thing in the end. I think it’s the reason why my relationship with Mark is so good and so healthy. Because what I felt for James was an illness, not love. And I love Mark for who he is as a human being, NOT as a teacher. James was my teacher crush through and through, it was always about his position, his authority, his praise, his reproach, his distance, his inaccessibility – never about his friendship. Because as much as I might want to fool myself sometimes, we never were friends, we were always teacher and teaching assistant.

I’m gonna end it on this note: last month (December 2023), I presented my final paper (a research paper every student has to present in order to get their diploma by my university). For the final paper, most of the professors in the department are present to watch you speak and present your research findings. So that was the last time I saw James – he was there to watch this semester’s graduating class present their papers. He watched me present mine. When I got up on stage, he was sitting directly in front of me, facing me in a way that made it almost hard for us not to stare at each other. I was deeply affected by his presence. I don’t even remember how my presentation went, I was so conscious of James being right there in front of me. When I finished, I was congratulated and complimented and praised by almost every professor in the department, they all had loved my research. All except one. James didn’t say a word to me. I didn’t say a word to him either. At a certain point we were pulled into the same circle of conversation, but we both kept quiet, let other people speak, looked away when our eyes met, and made sure to walk away in opposite directions as soon as possible. I have no idea why he’s being like this, whether he hates me for ghosting, whether he hates me for being with Mark, whether he just doesn’t care about me at all and never has. I just don’t know. I’ve been trying my hardest not to care too.

Anyway. This was a ride. If you made it this far, I LOVE YOU. I may need to go cry now.

#teacher crush #male teacher crush #teacher crush community #teacher x student #teacher attachment

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ilostmydiary · 2 months

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Miller's Girl Review

It's a Tumblr movie. I'm really not even joking when I say, it's like the writer scrolled through TC Tumblr, compiled all the aesthetic pictures and flipped through a thesaurus. Actually, even that feels a bit Tumblr-y. That's not to say it was distinctly bad. It was very pretty to look at, and the music was fun. Very atmospheric and tense up until the halfway point. There's a buildup and very fast crash "back to reality" after the climax (pun intended) of the film. I'm going to give my analysis of the two main problems of the film, and how to enjoy it regardless.

Problems:

The movie kept forgetting it was set in a high school, so should have just been a college movie. I understand that it's more illicit and taboo if it's a high school senior and a professor, but they go out of their way to remind you she's an adult and put her in classrooms that look oddly college-like (like a small liberal arts college). I could very easily imagine this being a small seminar class for dedicated literature students. This would be a more competitive group, and would make sense for her to have read all the course material before the class starts ( don't remember even our best students doing that for high school and I was in a very competitive academic programme). And this would make more sense for Cairo's whole, '"I live alone in my big ancestral mansion, where my parents are never around," and "I've seen my prof in non-academic settings." It's a bit less common, but students and teachers have been known to run into each other in smaller college towns, I've known profs who openly meet students outside of the classroom, in tangentially academic settings.

Cairo's whole scorned lover routine doesn't make any sense. But it's clearly the part of the film the writer feels most strongly about. It's supposed to be an "oh shit" moment. But falls flat really quickly because it demands you to believe the character that had been fairly nice and level-headed for most of the story turns on a head at a moment's notice. She turns against her friend, against the person she has a crush on, and becomes very cold and distant. Cairo begins the story, eager to please, and led by her friend Winnie. She adores her professor, obviosuly. But then bizarrely hands in erotic fanfiction about her and her teacher. She says "You erase the lines then get shocked when I cross one without knowing." But Cairo... you're still a student, regardless of what relationship you think you both have, on what planet would handing in erotica be appropriate at the high school level. So either you have to believe she was blind to the consequences of her piece, or she knew all along and wanted a way to test and punish her teacher. Either she's distinctly naive and in love and then distinctly and suddenly conniving and purposeful, or she's been planning his downfall from the beginning. Neither of these are satisfying or realistic character arcs. Especially for a high school senior. The author doesn't seem to have compassion for Cairo as a naive subject, a young adult overcome in a taboo situation. So it feels as though she's supposed to be a villain, not merely naive.

Maybe the last point could have been fixed if it was only implied that she was purposefully vindictive if the first half of the movie was from her perspective and the second half was from Mr. Miller's where we only get his belief in her cruelty, rather than the truth of it. I think that may have fixed the movie. But it would take away the "he's a coward and he needs to be punished for being mediocre" evil villain speech.

How to enjoy:

Just pretend Cairo is a university/ College student. It just makes more sense for the plot, there are only a few moments that even feel very "high school" and only because of the background. Even Winnie working in a restaurant feels very college-y. It just makes more sense in that setting.

Embrace the TC Tublr-ness of it all. I keep saying in all my reviews that it feels like something I would have written at 16. I have such a hard time believing the writer of the movie came up with the idea for it anywhere after high school. It's like she had a really cool idea and then just held on to it for years. So just go back into that headspace, and enjoy the cringe of it.

#tc blog #tcc #male tc #tcc thoughts #teacher crush #miller's girl #jenna ortega #martin freeman #movie review #movies #film #film review #millers girl

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prettynhot · 4 months

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12.01.2024 Fri the start of something? maybe?

2024 has been an amazing year so far! with the whole discovereu thing and the overall feeling,i’ve been doing good mentally! i feel and know that 2024 is going to be great!

i watched a vid yesterday about how our habits create our identity which goes hand to hand with our present moment. the girl on the vid was talking about the people who say “oh i used to be so skinny yet i thought i was fat, i was so skinny back then wish i knew!” she was making an analogy about how theres no end to a downfall. just goes and goes and goes until you decide to take things up a bunch of notches.

so i want to.

i love me,i love the girl i am,i love everything about me but not fulfilling my potential makes me feel unplesant.so i geniunely want to change. i’ll see how that goes. but i want to treat myself like a loved one again.

theres not so much ive achieved academically though yet.the reason for that is me. no bs. its me who didnt study hard and as much as i shouldve did and fell of my tracks. thats my fault and i know. just as i messed up though,i know im capable of getting everything back together as they were and maybe even better.with the whole huge exam thing i felt like i needed to push n push myself, not to care for myself and such. i thought that was the way it had to be.but no its simply not. im okay as i am. i have time. i have time for this and i have time for that. im good and on time.

lovin and caring for me has been a long journey and am not willing to give up just yet.

on that note and to take an action, i started getting help from one of my teachers. hes been great for this little time. i know thisll help me so much academically.

one other thing about that is the fact i have developed a crush on him.

and i know.

okay

i know!

but it was inevitable eventually.

hes a good and young looking man,who is quite fit and tall,knows how to dress, incredibly intelligent,mean to everyone else but me.

it was inevitable.okay.

i couldnt help but melt at all those times he made a joke and looked at me first to see if i was laughing,looked at me the most while teaching,always protecting me from other students.

plus considering all the di i have and my little tc history before,its not shocking. however i cant say that im not disappointed in myself a little. i thought my tc era had fully ended n i was recovered,healed,past that.appearently not. it does feel like going back a bit,like i’ve came back to an old self which shouldve been far far behind. however im not judging me cuz i know i had every single reason to and tbh,having a crush is very very fun. but anyway! theres that.

and actually,for some time i had noticed the little signs of me developing a crush,but i tried to ignore them signs and push them back time n time again,however they didnt magically disappear as i truly hoped they would.

and one other thing about all this is, after i realized i seriously had a crush on this man, before i started taking special academical help from him,it showed up in my behavior. and yes obviously thats very immature and childish for an 18yo. i know. im supposed to be an adult now and here i am going to my teachers office asking him “why are you working in the dark?would you like me to turn on the lights for you?” OUT OF NOWHERE.🤦🏻‍♀️ EMBARASSING UGHHH. i dont know what came over me truly. guess i want just behaving instinctively. but that was a dead giveaway from me and it sucked. he literally laughed when i did that💀cuz even he thought that was certainly absurd💀very embarassed.done with this.

anyway,ever since then i did have some little moments of instinctive behaving which were little giveaways. since then he has not been acting the same, which was what i loved the most,him being mean to everyone but very soft on me.

ever since these incidents, he has been incredibly mean to me. to a point where i was just about to cry once.

that one day i was about to cry,the one he really hurt me,he was dropping me off at my house since it was quite late. and it’s actually a nbd because he always drops students off and im always at seated at the back,for everything to be appropriate. yk,teacher student boundaries etc.whatever that means.

anyway he was quite chatty despite playing on me n being mean to me the whole time of both his classes but i was actually hurt. i had to keep myself from bursting tears in front of the whole class so i focused on my breathing n posture in order to not cry. and i did not since i made great efforts.but i couldnt help but feel like clown since i had dressed prettily,done my make up prettily just for him to maybe look at me more. notice me more. for him to be even nicer to me.i just wanted to be pretty for him to look at okay. i liked his validation i still do. so maybe i wanted that more i genuinely dont know. now writing all this maybe(probably) i was desperate n it showed. whatever the case maybe he was too mean. wayy too mean. yet still on the way home,he’s on his best behavior trying to talk to me,while we are alone in the car. he asks me questions about class,i answer them as they are.he did notice i was upset. he asked me about it. i told him nothing happened. he kept asking and asking. finally i told him how he hurt me so much during class. to this he got on full defensive mode, explaining himself quite ambitiously yet somehow mainting to stay relaxed and being able to laugh. going on about how teachers could be hurt from students but students cant from teachers and how just messing with students was the only thing he liked about being a teacher and i was trying to take that away from him?

honestly? bullshit to me. after he was done i explained i wasnt mad, i wasnt acting weird towards him or anything like that and i wasnt accusing him,i was just telling him how i felt upset by his behavior. to that he stayed silent for a while. then went on to say that i should focus on my studies no matter what and shouldnt care about what he says that much. then i told him we’ll see about that, thanking him while getting out of car.

and that day i had actually promised i’d go to see him for an academic review the day after but i decided not to go because i had a far more important thing to do.

today we had a class together.i intentially did nearly no make up,dressed slightly below average and avoided eye contact as much as i could, just cuz tomorrow ill go all out,so i wanted to create that contrast. im not trying seduce him nor am i willing to date him in any way, i just like his attention very much and i like the feeling of “winning someone over”. so i will. i believe in no time he’ll be doing his best to not like me so much. hes a strong minded man of principle so i know he certainly wont even get close to passing any lines in the teacher-student relationship,however id like to see him struggle :)

so thats all about him and my little crushing.

after im done writing this,i’ll get back to my house and study for tomorrows big big exam n pick out my outfit n make up for that day. then making myself some hot milk foamed coffee and resting is also in my plans.

thats all i can say for today. my friends didnt come to attend any classes tdy so i dont have any updates on that part,other than one of my friends texting me they have ripped the blouse they borrowed from me n could repurchase the same thing ‘if i’d like them to’ 🙂 obvi i said that wasn’t necessary because i know she wouldnt be able to get her finances right to afford that but im still upset because that blouse made me body look incredibly amazing:( but it’s okay ig.

well:)

all for now. see you tomorrow? ;)

#journal #daily journal #diary entry #digital diary #diary #tc community #teacher crush #teacher attachment #journaling #tc crush #dear diary #journal entry #male tc #male teacher crush

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yourdeepestfathoms · 2 years

Text

Ride the Cyclone Kids Performing The Crucible

i have no excuse for this one. i just have had an unhealthy addiction to The Crucible since i had to read it in 11th grade. it’s been three years, and it still has a chokehold on me.

also i know they’re a choir, not a theater group, but shhhhhh

Ocean is Mary Warren

Noel is Reverend Hale

Mischa is John Proctor

Ricky can’t perform, but he is a stagehand, so he’s around quite often!

Penny is Abigail Williams

Constance is Elizabeth Proctor

All the other characters are played by random students

Noel, playing a priest: i feel like there’s some irony here

He’s pretty damn good at pretending to be religious, though!

Ricky, to Ocean: Ocean! You’re already so prepared for the role!

Ocean: Really?

Ricky: Yeah!

Ricky: Ginger

Get it? Cause The Crucible is about the Salem Witch Trials… Gingers were/are called witches/demons…

Ocean isn’t amused

Noel in movie!Hale’s getup

Penny, whenever Noel has to interact with her: hello, gay boy

Okay okay, Penny as Abigail? ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING

Like, Holy Shit

She’s so scary, in fact, that she makes Ocean sit down like a fucking red heeler during her whole monologue about Abby’s dead parents

Penny: Now look you. All of you. We danced. And Tituba conjured Ruth Putnam’s dead sisters. And that is all. And mark this. Let either of you breathe a word, or the edge of a word, about the other things, and I will come to you in the black of some terrible night, and I will bring a pointy reckoning that will shudder you. And you know I can do it; I saw Indians smash my dear parents’ heads on the pillow next to mine, and l have seen some reddish work done at night, and l can make you wish you had never seen the sun go down!

Ocean, who’s in the same scene:

Mischa as Proctor is terrifying, too, but not quite on Penny’s level because he’s already an intimidating dude

It’s just daunting seeing Penny act so cruel

She’ll finish a scene where her character literally shattered the psyche of another character and forced said character into a mental breakdown and will be like “great job, guys! 🥰”

(The other character was Ocean’s lmao)

(If you’ve read TC, y’all know what scene I’m talking about)

You know the part where Abigail hits Betty? Yeah, Penny is merciless with that scene

The actress of Betty damn near saw god that day

Poor girl went SPINNING off the bed she was on

The script literally says “smashes her [Betty] across the face” and Penny took that WAY TOO SERIOUSLY

The duality between Penny nearly decapitating a kid with her hand alone and Penny being like “i’m so sorry!!! are you okay?!” immediately after

After that, the director tells her to lighten up a little lol

The slaps are still real, though

Just less likely to One-Hit KO Betty’s actress straight into the afterlife

Noel, when Penny does Anything: whore behavior

And speaking of whore behavior

Penny and Mischa. Their characters fucked

These two have NO interest in each other whatsoever, but that doesn’t stop them from acting as slutty as possible because they think it’s hilarious, especially when the other choir members react in the most disgusted way

Mischa: I can’t believe my character is an adult man fucking a teenager.

Penny: I am the teenager

Mischa: Thank you, Penny. I did not know that

Meanwhile, there is NO chemistry between Mischa and Constance, even though they’re supposed to be married, and it’s really funny

But honestly, kinda fitting

Since, you know. Proctor cheated on Elizabeth, and there’s meant to be a noticeable rift between them

Ricky, holding an imaginary microphone up to Constance: Constance! Constance! What’s it like playing a canonical milf?

Constance: Pretty cool

One time when Constance and Mischa were sitting at the dinner table set piece for act 2, waiting for the scene to begin, Constance whispered “I can’t believe I bred with you” and Mischa LOST IT

Constance wore Birkenstocks for some time. You know, before their costumes came together

Constance: They’re my Jesus slippers!

Mischa: I don’t think Birkenstocks were around in 4 BC Bethlehem

Constance: Go eat a fridge

Meanwhile, Ocean had an absolutely VISCERAL reaction to these fucking Birkenstocks

Ocean: I’m onto you, Elizabeth, you slippery weasel. I see those things. My mother eats, sleeps, and BREATHES Birkenstocks. I can smell those uncomfortable, mold-soled jerks from a mile away. I can SEE your footprints in them. I know what you’re hiding. I swear, my mother has a pair of those in that exact color, but I don’t know for sure because I’m not at home to check right now, and I’m not allowed in her closet anyway. I bet you stole them, didn’t you? Well, you doubt my willpower to rat you out, she-devil. I know. I see everything. My quietness makes me watchful. I’m practically invisible. I know you paid 99.95 shillings or more for shoes that feel more like solid stone than proper footwear. You snake. You fool. You absolute devil woman. You deserve no rights. Why would you make this purchase if you know what our world is like? You’re a woman in the 1600s for god’s sake, Elizabeth, you’re making chump change! You can’t spend your money on freakin’ Birkenstocks. Go to the general store and get some slippers because at least they would be cheaper and MATCH YOUR DRESS. I may be ace, and I may be aro, but even I know those two colors DO NOT go together. You are pure evil. Purple and that color? That brown? What were you thinking, woman?! You deserve no rights. I hope the shoe mold harvests every last one of your toes. Rapture is nigh, lady, and I don’t think your feet are prepared for judgement.

Meanwhile, the whole theater is SHRIEKING with laughter

At one point Mischa asked the director if he can just pick Ocean up instead chasing her in act 2 because it’ll “be easier”

In response, the director says, “It’s not going to happen because it’ll kinda ruin the illusion of terror, but I would like to see what you would do.”

This then led to Mischa throwing Ocean over his shoulder like she’s a sack of potatoes

In retaliation, Ocean grappled onto him with all of her limbs like a rare species of red koala

“YOU CAN’T BEAT ME IF YOU CAN’T PUT ME DOWN!!!!”

Ocean can cry on command, which is good because of how emotional Mary Warren is

She spends more than half her stage time sobbing uncontrollably

Ocean: oh yeah, crying on command is easy! i just have to remember my Whole Life

Ricky: so have you ever considered the school counselor

“Mary Warren is holding the weight of my mental health on her tiny, Puritan shoulders” -Ocean

Mischa gets to use a REAL WHIP for the play

He once accidentally hit himself with it when trying to crack it

The others have never seen him crumple to the floor like that before

He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t even manage a scream, so he was just silently shrieking in pain

Noel, coming up behind Ocean during this, whispering in her ear: that’s gonna be you soon

Ocean isn’t nervous, though

She trusts Mischa!

Anyone else playing Proctor, though?

Nope

Before the whip came in, Mischa would take his belt off and threaten Ocean with it

But 3/4 times he couldn’t get the fucking thing off quick enough

Mischa: I’ll official y— Uh. Hang on. Sorry, just— fuck, this thing is on good. COME OFF!

He just starts fighting it

Meanwhile, Constance and Ocean are just there like 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

They decided to start using a stick instead (pre-whip era)

They call it the “Beating Stick”

Mischa accidentally hit Ocean with it once

Ocean folded like a goddamn chair

When Mischa gets the whip and is like “I’ll official you!” Ocean jumps on the WHOLE DINNER TABLE to get away from him and ends up flipping the entire thing

Ocean, hiding under the dinner table while Mischa prowls around with the whip: i feel this on a personal level

Mischa: W H A T

It’s method acting 😌

During Elizabeth’s arrest at the end of act 2, when everyone starts yelling at each other, Constance pushes Ocean behind her like she’s trying to keep her safe from the mayhem, and Ocean Almost Cried

You know what she DID cry at, though?

When Elizabeth is actually arrested

Ocean takes it WAY TOO PERSONALLY

She’s acting like Constance is actually getting arrested and put into jail for witchcraft 😭

Great acting, though

Mischa, to the director, about the arrest scene in act 2: Hey, so you know how Proctor is threatening everyone and is really angry?

The director: Yeah?

Mischa: Okay, so, hear me out. What if he had a gun?

The director:

So Mischa gets a gun

Unlike the whip, this one is fake!

But still

He feels so POWERFUL

Ricky has made it his personal mission to condition the actors into acting and staying in character through Anything, so he just does random shit in the wings during practice

Even the very emotional scenes

Mischa: l will bring you home! l will bring you soon!

Constance: Oh, John, bring me soon!

Mischa: I will fall like an ocean on that court! Fear nothing, Elizabeth.

Constance: I will fear nothing.

Ricky, in the wings: 🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃

Ocean is so short compared to Mischa that the scene between Mary and Proctor at the end of act 2 looks like the violent assault of an elementary school student

This is the scene

Mischa, holding Ocean by the throat: I could break you like a potato chip

Ocean: Do it then

Mischa fuckin FLINGS Ocean to the ground so hard there was this loud ass THUMP

A visual representation of what this would look like from an actual version of The Crucible online

(Side note: the version this comes from is fucking AMAZING. Mary is SO GOOD)

Okay, so, act 3? Ocean’s acting? HOLY SHIT

She puts her fucking SOUL into this performance

She cries so hard during act 3 that Mischa, who is with her most of the time, is genuinely concerned that she’s having some kind of episode

She keeps holding her head in her hands, curling up on herself to seem smaller, rocking back and forth, breathing shakily, whimpering and sobbing, and Mischa can’t tell if she’s just a really good actress or is in need of psychological assistance

(The answer is both)

She’s constantly being told to drink water afterward because she gets dehydrated from crying so much

There’s this one point in act 3 where Mischa and Noel are standing around Ocean because she started crying again, and they looked like her gay colonial parents

Ocean, to the director: Hey, so the script says, “They all watch as Abigail, out of her infinite charity, reaches out and draws the sobbing Mary to her, and then looks up to Danforth.” Does this mean that I get to be hugged by Penny?

The director: Yes, it does.

The director: Why are you crying??

At the very end of the play, they actually have an execution scene, where they pretend to hang Mischa with a harness and stuff

Noel: Did you guys hear about that one wardrobe malfunction during a school play?

Constance: No, what happened?

Noel: Well, they were doing a hanging scene, as we’re doing now, and apparently the harness broke or something because the kid started to actually hang. Nobody knew he was dead until after the scene because they just thought his struggling and stillness was just acting.

Penny: That sounds awful. Imagine getting into a school play and inviting your whole family to come watch you, and then you fucking die.

Ocean: His parents were probably out in the lobby with flowers afterwards, waiting to congratulate him, and then someone had to go out and tell them that not only he was dead, but they also watched him die without realizing it. Probably got videos of it and everything.

Noel: It gets worse. He was an understudy. The kid who was supposed to go on got sick and couldn’t perform, so this guy went on for him and died because of it.

Mischa, in a harness above them, about to be hanged: I’m feeling a little unsafe

THE KIDS IN COLONIAL OUTFITS

THE GIRLS IN COLONIAL DRESSES AND BONNETS!!!!!

#i got. a little carried away lol #i just fucking LOVE the crucible so goddamn much #ride the cyclone headcanons #rtc headcanons #rtc #ride the cyclone #ocean o’connell rosenberg #noel gruber #mischa bachinski #penny lamb #jane doe #ricky potts #constance blackwood

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soahbee · 3 months

Text

I'd like to have private lessons from him…in my bedroom.

#tc community #tc crush #teacher crush #teacher crush community #male tc #tc love #my tc #teacher love #male teacher crush #teacher attachment #teacher x student #adult tc and adult student #male teacher #male teacher x female student #just saying #just girly things #girlblogging #this is a girlblog #hihi

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crying-fantasies · 5 months

Text

Bad company

For most of her existence Max has been a happy go lucky little girl, one Thundercracker spoiled rotten since day one in the best of his capacity, it got you certainly a little worried once you accepted his courting, how was Max going to grow up in an environment with a cybertronian and a human as parents.

Well, for most part, your worries were for nothing, she is a pretty good kid, a good student and also a good member of society, there is the occasional argument but she is a young adult now, it's understandable, but then, one day, it happened.

Thundercracker got you out on a date, he was finally in vacation from his job and while he kept on scribbling words that popped up on his processor you didn't stop him any time he got his data pad out, but, at least, the majority of his attention was still on you while walking on the forest near home after a simple dinner, one thing let to another and you were kissing his intake with such a fervor that he tree he was leaning on his back strut against couldn't hold on any longer, his fall was heard in every corner of the forest and also his signature sonic attack, it was an accident and when he got out of his almost kiss drunk state he looked at you, who was securely on his arms, TC smiled at you with bertroom optics, you knew what he wanted even before he changed and put you on his cockpit where he always had a photo of your full family on the past.

It was almost midnight, way before you both thought on getting back, but a healthy married couple have necessities.

When you got back he changed again to bipedal form, kissing you fervently, you did what you could with the size difference and put a hand over his cockpit, he moaned, or so you thought, because he was kissing you, and that was definitely not your husband voice.

It took a moment to sink, then TC wings flared up dangerously, expression sour, even showing some sharp dentae in a snarl, someone dared to enter his house and he didn't care if it was friend or foe, he didn't know the EM filed that was getting near with every step directed to his daughter habsuit while he feared the worst and you too, but in a different way and reason.

Max habsuit was originally designed to have a seeker like bot or con live comfortably inside, it was more like a department with many levels than a room, and while you tried to stop him when you recognized the sounds coming from the other side of the door it was already too late, Thundercracker opened up the door with his bare servos and leaving dents by the wicked way his sharp digits were dragging along the surface, he could've used the password but the drama was always first.

A drama that escalated quickly with the embarrassed, surprised and scared shouts, you didn't want to look more of what you already saw, your legally adult daughter having fun with a mech and one moment later your husband was chasing away a combat jet from the base/house you were living into while shouting profanities in vosian, some other humans on the base came to look what was happening and you tried your best to keep this normal as it could given the group seeing how TC was hunting down the other mech in the distance.

One would think his anger was going to run out on the chase, and maybe it was to some degree now that he was talking with Max, now with pants on, in their usual way.

"Anyone can frag with anyone, dad, I don't have to marry every bot or human I had sex with"

"Wait, of how many are we talking about again?"

Let's just say they are in a discussion right now.

"Don't talk to me like you were a virgin when you two married" Max points to you both, you look to another place, already knowing the answer for you and TC, who looks offended.

"Those were different times, young lady!" Shit, he said the worst thing possible.

"Oh, oh, so, since you were on the great war or whatever you had the privilege of fucking around to your spark's content, I bet you even" She points up in vosian, now livid, and you still don't understand how she can make such a sound and also don't want to know what it was since Thundercracker puts a servo over his spark chamber as if he is going to have a pulse failure any moment while his wings drop, intake open with surprise, horror and apparent visceral pain.

"Times have changed!"

"It doesn't mean slag!"

Hum, maybe you could put a pair of notes under their doors if this get way too far, ones that says sorry and a little heart, it's always worked before, but that will be the last resort.

"Buster!" TC shouts out to the previously sound sleeping dog, her ears picked up at the second his voice raised, "my little baby has become a spark eater temptress..." it could've been hilarious to see such a big mech crying to his dog about his daughter problems with fallen wings at his sides, face plate hidden on his servos, but you know this is getting serious if it has come to this and you finally talk, "where did I go wrong?!" But he is lamenting again.

"It's not like you did something wrong", you try to touch his wing as soft as possible given how sensible it is, and right now he needs a shoulder to cry into even when a few of his tears were more than enough to drown you.

"It's obvious that I did, now Max doesn't even want to make an honest mech from that youngling"

...

What?

"Wait a... you aren't worried for Max but for the mech?"

"Well, of course I'm worried for Max!" His ventilators hit hard as if the mere assumption of the question is ridiculous, "but think about poor Moonshine!"

"...You know his name" it wasn't even a question to this point.

"I mean, he is a lunarian and his presence is as noticeable as his glasses in a window shop, he is the fastest of his whole batch"

"For how long were you two talking and what about?"

"He is an honest mech" he takes your hands on his servos, looking like he wants something, "such a poor youngling, just for how long this has being going on to end like this, at least he hasn't show his spark already"

"TC, our daughter's sex life is really not our business" you can almost see Max cringe to his words, in the same way you are doing it right now, "if she wants something more serious with this guy then she'll say it"

"I doubt it", he looks at the ceiling, okay, he is being dramatic again, "just look at us, how happy we are"

...

"You are comparing our situation with what happens with Max" again, not a question.

"I was heartbroken when you left..."

"I didn't left, we weren't together to begin with-"

"With our own miracle from Primus' himself..."

"Thundercracker, we've already talked about this, since almost two decades!"

"For a good moment I thought I was in love with someone like... like..."

You know of who he is referring to but this is getting ridiculous, more than usual, "Thundercracker, you know I have never been like him, Max neither, you're seeing this wrong-"

"I'm not!" Oh good, now he is screaming, holding you near his cockpit, it's almost crushing you, "and you can hear and believe me, my love, I'm not letting my sparkling go in the same path as him!"

Oh boy, and he says it with such pain, that's his main worry, isn't it? If there is any curiosity, he is talking about his former trine partner Starscream, you are sure, because back in the year when you tried to talk to him about the baby he shouted: "I don't need a Screamer number two, so you can leave us alone!" while crying his life out with the baby sleeping on his cockpit, not even letting you see her.

His mentor coding kicked hard.

"Max'll be happy, she'll get happily married and have a conjunx, one that cherishes her and... and" ah, he has tears in the borders of his optics, he is practically pleading you with that sad face and you are a little angry in how fast you give into him and kiss him to comfort, to let him know you are here.

He whimpers, holding you close to his face plate, you hug him to the best of your capacities.

"My baby..."

"It's okay, Thunder, she is a grown girl, she'll do good decisions on her life"

Maybe you should've talked with Max a little more now that you know her preferences, it's almost a week since then and you go to her room...

... And that bot isn't Moonshine.

Maybe Max had gotten more about her Vos side of the family than what you really thought at first, maybe it really wasn't good that she was in contact with Skywarp and Starscream since such a sweet age.

#reader insert #x reader #tf mtmte #transformers x reader #transformers #transformers idw #transformers x human reader #transformers thundercracker #thundercracker #transformers oc

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her-favourite · 10 months

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So I'm guessing I should write an introduction? I think?

hi all! you can call me A or Anne, I am fine with either either. I am a university student, I am sapphic. After university I’ll probably teach ESL and Literature.

about my 'teacher crushes':

In 2017, I met E who I got attached to. I had her as a teacher for 1 year. She's in her 50s. Once I graduated, we continued to talk casually and gradually became close friends, we have a mother-daughter dynamic. My final closure.

In 2018, we went on a class trip to London where I met T. He was our guide (he is an English teacher too, but not where I went to, in a completely different city). We kept in touch and now he is my friend. Does this count as a tc? Idk! I'm just as lost as you.

Then in 2022, I met N, one of my university professors who I really liked. She's around 35. As of right now (15.07.2023) I'm not exactly sure if I'll ever have classes with her or not. She is the reason why I'm returning to the community.

(you can see every post I made in connection with them by clicking on the coloured letters)

Disclaimer:

!!! i do not condone relationships between minors and adults. my dynamics with my teachers are completely platonic, and they will stay this way. i also view them as mentors and i respect their boundaries. !!!

i also want to put a disclaimer that these crushes are mostly intense attachments rather than actual crushes, even if there were/are times where i might think there is a romantic attraction, it's likely me struggling to differentiate between romance/admiration/attachment/etc.

#teacher attachment #teacher crush #female teacher attachment #teacher #female teacher #discord

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alittlepink · 1 month

Text

♡~ Introduction ~♡

About me ~

♡ Sage

♡ They/she

♡ 17

♡ Highschool senior

♡ Always happy to interact / chat !

♡ Plz ask questions! I love answering them! <3

None of my irl friends know about my tc or this account at all and I'd like to keep it like that. They don't need to know :)

About him ~

♡ Will call him K.

♡ Economics teacher

♡ Has a girlfriend (who's pregnant :,))

♡ between 29/30?

(oh he also has the prettiest eyes. I like to mention that about 50 times a day)

Disclaimer:

No, I do not actually intend to seek him out. I do not agree with irl teacher-student relationships nor do I think that a minor and an adult should be in any kind of relationship. I simply use this blog to talk about my silly little feelings as a teenage girl.

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thatonedelusiongirl · 10 months

Text

About me + My blog

𓍊𓋼𓍊𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊𓋼

My names A an my pronouns are She/her

I have BPD ( kara is my favorite person )

I love art, to read, i love music, animals an i play lots of games an i write poems :)

TC BLOG MAINLY

17 I will be 18 in march ☆

15 years between us with both ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

I do NOT agree with pedophilia !!!

I understand that i’m a minor they are adults I understand the laws an danger i can be in but i’m ok im not in any unsafe situations :)

I am strongly against teacher student relationships that aren’t legal so please be safe an careful !! it’s not hard to be MANIPULATED :/

But this is just a place to share my thoughts without worrying ( i am not with any of these people nor do i plan to be with them now maybe when i am 18 ) I do love Kara a lot she’s very special to me as i’ve said but she is :)

anyways this is a judgement free zone if you don’t like my content or my blogs you may leave but don’t hate because i’m just a person who is trying there best anyways thank you :)

★ ✻ ❥ ♬ ✿ ✈ ∞ ☾ ♠ ❖

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ﾟ。 her prettiest problem

　ﾟ･｡･

★ ✻ ❥ ♬ ✿ ✈ ∞ ☾ ♠ ❖

a back ground of my tc’s

Kara- my ex tc also was my art teacher when I was a fresh man we are now besties an im going into my senior year this year she is my biggest supporter an best friend in this entire world ( i am so down bad for her ) she’s very special an important to me like very important. I love when i get to sleep over her house an just stare at her for hours i love watching her sleep…. i know that’s totally creepy lmao but she’s cool an absolutely breathtaking an pisses me off so much sometimes but that’s ok lol i probably piss her off too.

I'd like to give some back ground knownloge on her she's so intelligent has a beautiful smile she's very talented at art she is so uncensored like the one time back when I was a freshman she was talking to me after class an I had said that stupid Fucken kid won't leave me the fuck alone an she said woah heavy on the fucks today huh? but no she has no filter will say absolutely anything that comes to mind she's into crime stuff like ( YOU 'the show' The dhamer show she loved she's into like horror an true crime typa stuff she's also struggles with a lot of the same mental illnesses I do but yeh there's not much more I can say with out sounding like a Werido lmao

i will be calling her kara on her because she reminds me a lot of supergirl an i love super girl so her name is kara

♡₊˚ ・₊✧♡₊˚ ・₊✧ ♡₊˚ ・₊✧♡₊˚ ・₊✧

she loves art, tv, sleeping, an music.

♡₊˚ ・₊✧♡₊˚ ・₊✧ ♡₊˚ ・₊✧♡₊˚ ・₊✧

my other tc is my Sunday school teacher who just makes my daddy’s issues act up but he’s actually so handsome he’s got blue eyes an a beard an glasses an he’s just perfect i am obsessed with this man i don’t know anything about him really not yet at least.

his name will be D or glasses im not sure yet

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he loves his wife, kids, jesus, an hes a bit of a jokester.

♡₊˚ ・₊✧♡₊˚ ・₊✧ ♡₊˚ ・₊✧♡₊˚ ・₊✧

B he’s my dads best friend i have a thing for he used to be a teacher he’s 33 an i am borderline obsessed with him rn ( i don’t know how long this will last lol)

he’s cuts trees down an he smokes weed an has a pool an lives in his mom and dads basement 🧍🏻‍♀️

#teacher x student #tc crush #tc feelings #tc struggles #teacher crush #tc blog #tc thoughts #teacher attachment #teachers pet #interducing myself.#my blog #intro #shall be changed if i wanna add to it

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depressedcoffeeaholic · 1 year

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People!!!

One of my teachers has been rude to the majority of my classmates lately (and no, this is not my tc). As someone who has considered going into the education field, it's sad to see an adult act like this. A particular student (and friend) ended up crying in class because of words he should not have said to her. I'm saying this as a reminder that not all teachers treat students with the dignity and respect they deserve and it's sad.

#reminder #teacher crush community #tc community #tc crush #male teacher crush #male teacher x female student #tcc feelings #tc feelings #tcc #teacher x student #student x teacher

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the-dark-side-of-the-violet · 1 year

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If you're a high school student in this community, especially if you're a minor, I need you to tune in for a second and hear me out.

I have been there. I have been exactly where you are. I remember it vividly. I was a freshman/sophomore in high school, he was in his early 30s at the time.

Guys (neutral), I wanted this man so fucking badly. I was 14/15 and I would fantasize about him all the time, about us hiding in the back room of his classroom after school making out, the whole bit. Being around him was absolutely intoxicating, and if he had reciprocated it would have been my dream come true.

But here's the uncomfortable truth, coming from me looking back as a 29 year old.

If he had, it would have made him a predator. It would have made him a pedophile.

Luckily for me, he didn't, not in any way, shape or form. He was nothing but professional and once he knew he avoided being alone with me as much as possible.

It broke my heart that he never looked at me or spoke to me in a way that implied any special interest or attention. He didn't even interact with me in the casual way he did with the guys in my class, and I wanted it so badly. But I never got it, and that's how it should be.

This is gonna be a controversial take, coming from an adult. That's the beautiful thing about internet anonymity. But I'm gonna be the one to tell all of you, it's okay to feel this way.

It's okay to have these crushes, it's okay to want something. You're growing into adulthood and it's a scary, confusing fucking time where you're not a kid anymore but you're not an adult either and people treat you like you're one or the other on a whim with zero consistency and it makes no goddamn sense. You're expected to be responsible for hours of homework, multiple activities, having a job, and yet you need permission to take a piss. It's confusing and it fucking sucks and you're trying to figure out who you are and feeling all sorts of new things that don't make sense yet.

It's okay to feel this way. It's okay to want these things. That doesn't make you bad, or fucked up, or perverted, or problematic, or whatever. It's a normal, natural thing to go through.

But.

It is not okay for them to reciprocate.

I know how badly that hurts to hear. I heard it and it drove me fucking insane, because I was sure I was different, that it wouldn't make him a bad person, it would just mean I was special.

But that's just not true. If your teacher, a grown adult, reciprocates romantic/sexual interest in you, a high school student and possibly even a minor, that is not okay.

That makes them a predator.

That means that they are not the person that you believe them to be.

Please hear me. I'm not here to attack you. I was you.

If my TC had shown reciprocated interest in me when I was 15, I would have been the happiest kid on the fucking planet.

But looking back on it now, I can see what I refused to back then. And I am so, so glad that he laid down boundaries when he knew how I felt. It was the professional, proper adult thing to do.

That is what a good person will do. I know you probably all see your TC as an amazing, incredible person. So I'm here to tell you, if they're the person you see them as, they will not pursue you, they will not even hint at reciprocation.

I know how bad that hurts. God knows I do.

Halfway through my sophomore year my TC left, and I was devastated. To this day, every time I hear the song My Immortal (Evanescence), it pulls back all of that heartbreak full force. So I'm not fucking around when I say I know how you feel. I still vividly remember how it felt.

Please hear me.

If your TC reciprocates romantic/sexual interest, you need to do the hardest thing imaginable, and you need to run the other way.

#teacher crush #tc community #teacher crush community #tc #tc feelings #tcc #tc crush

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traumatizedmathilda · 1 year

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I always have to laugh a little when I think about the teacher crush community bc here we are writing whole essays about teachers who gives us valuable attention, probably/hopefully a healthy connection, but only because our parents/family sucked the otherwise healthy relationship between a student and their mentor starts feeling unhealthy bc holy shit they're showing interest in me and coming closer than any other adult ever has. If it weren't for my parental trauma I wouldn't be so attached to my teacher crush. And yes there are people who actually want a s*x**l relationship with their tc's but that's a very small group, most of us just want a meaningful emotional connection with an adult, which is actually very normal!!!!

Which just wanna add, I believe that tc's are a trauma response for some of us. At least, thats what it is for me. And no I don't like it either but I do really like the fact that someone has some healthy interest in my life.

#teacher crush community #tc community #teacher crush #tcc

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tennelleflowers · 2 years

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Rewriting “The Power of Three”-Long Shadows (text version)

These are my notes and script for rewriting Long Shadows! (Which in this Rewrite, is Book 3 of Power of Three!) As always, you can listen to the full rewrite here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0G_40Q4A_o

Long Shadows-

So in this book we’ll need the reveal, Ashfur, and Firestar dying from the fire

Holly*- After spending most of the last book apart from her siblings, the three are going to be spending most of this one together. After Firestar tells them about the prophecy, most of the book is going to be scenes with siblings together and/or chatting with Firestar. It’s going to be fairly clear that Firestar trusts Hollyleaf out of all of them the most. Through subtle favoritism, little gestures. Firestar and Hollyleaf have the most in common, similar personalities, morals/ethics, and Firestar is going to inadvertently spur on Hollyleaf’s ambitions.

Jay- Jay will be madpants about Firestar’s meddling at first, get a few nice moments with Firestar but then kinda come to the conclusion that Firestar is kind of clueless. (“Maybe heros/adults don’t know everything” kind of theme) Jay’s high empathy but apathy will make for an interesting dynamic between Fire and Jay because Firestar is the opposite. I don’t think these two will see eye to eye on much, but come to a respectful enough understanding as Mentor/student.

Lion- Lion still holds the most secrets, and even though it’s treading old ground, I think Firestar and Lionblaze will have the most hurdles to overcome in their relationship. Much like Firestar’s relationship with Brambleclaw. Lion is also the least *into* the prophecy. He hates his powers and holds a lot of regrets. Firestar’s console will be words of encouragement that Lionblaze isn’t ready to hear, but after Firestar dies, it’s Firestar’s words that help Lionblaze accept his role and bring him comfort.

Start right where we left off. Firestar tells Jaypaw about the prophecy, and that he’s been watching Jay, Holly, and Lion and he thinks they are the cats the prophecy is talking about. At first Jaypaw is relieved by this news, it means he really does belong here, in TC, as a Medicine Cat and not only that, but he’s special. Jaypaw is bitter towards Firestar though for keeping this from him and his siblings.

After Jaypaw gets some time to cool off, Firestar talks to him again and apologizes, vowing to try to help Jay, Holly, and Lion the best he can. Jaypaw reluctantly agrees and they fetch Hollyleaf and Lionblaze to tell them the truth. Firestar decides to start personally mentoring the 3 in order to help them, though it has to remain a secret.

With Firestar’s mentorship, the three become closer again. Things really seem to be looking up for them. A few more months go by, Hollyleaf gets an apprentice, Lionblaze is sure his power is only good for hurting cats, so he stays away from conflict as much as possible, and Jaypaw gets his Medicine Cat name, Jayfeather. Firestar talks to Hollyleaf alone and expresses concern for her brothers, telling her to do her best to keep them on the straight and narrow.

Then the infamous fire scene happens. It’s basically the same but now we’re gonna do some good old Mentor death, cause Firestar is gonna get mortally wounded here trying to help his clanmates escape. Jay, Holly, and Lion stay back with Firestar, but Firestar eventually convinces them to escape. They get caught in the fire and Squirrelflight jumps in to try to help and Ashfur intervenes. Ashfur tries to get the three killed to hurt Squirrelflight, so she reveals the truth. Ashfur says he doesn’t care, this will still hurt Squirrelflight, when Jayfeather blurts out that Firestar is dead. This shocks both Ashfur and Squirrelflight and the fight stops. Ashfur backs down, saying losing Firestar is only the beginning of his revenge on Squirrelflight.

-end of notes-

Script:

We start right where we left off. Firestar tells Jaypaw about the prophecy, and that he’s been watching Jay, Holly, and Lion and he thinks they are the cats the prophecy is talking about. At first Jaypaw is relieved by this news, it means he really does belong here, in ThunderClan, as a Medicine Cat and not only that, but he’s special. Jaypaw is bitter towards Firestar though for keeping this from him and his siblings.

After Jaypaw gets some time to cool off, Firestar talks to him again and apologizes, vowing to try to help Jay, Holly, and Lion the best he can. Jaypaw reluctantly agrees and they fetch Hollyleaf and Lionblaze to tell them the truth as well. Firestar decides to start personally mentoring the 3 in order to help them, though it has to remain a secret.

With Firestar’s mentorship, the three become closer again. Jaypaw comes clean about his power to feel clanmates' emotions, and Lionblaze realizes that his power must have to do with his fighting abilities, though he has doubts about this because he feels a lot of those abilities came from training in the Dark Forest. Hollyleaf concludes that her power must have to do leadership. Firestar doesn’t know what to make of these abilities, but tells them to keep an eye out for messages from StarClan. Overall things really seem to be looking up for them.

A few more months go by, Hollyleaf gets an apprentice, Rosepaw, and takes to her position as a mentor quickly. It’s still pretty common to see Hollyleaf thinking about satisfying those ambitions she had in book 1. She still wants glory and recognition and so far, despite her inner thoughts being a bit selfish and her compassion a bit questionable, especially after Hollyleaf catches Rosepaw breaking some minor Warrior Code rules, Hollyleaf seems like a good person overall who’s heart is in the right place at least.

Lionblaze is sure his power is only good for hurting cats, so he stays away from conflict as much as possible, he begins reforming his relationships with the apprentices he had grown up with. Honeyfern, Mousewhisker and Hazeltail all forgive Lionblaze pretty quickly, but Cinderheart and Poppyfrost take a little longer to come around, though they do eventually. Berrynose and Lionblaze never become real friends, so to speak, but they do form a healthy rivalry with each other that sort of doubles as a bit of an estranged bromance.

Jaypaw gets his Medicine Cat name, Jayfeather, from Leafpool and starts getting dreams from StarClan filled with smoke and he can’t see in the dreams. He calls out to his family but can never find them. Jayfeather tells Leafpool about these dreams but she’s not sure that they aren’t just nightmares. Jayfeather is convinced it’s a warning from StarClan about something, but doesn't know what it could be.

After mentoring Jay, Lion, and Holly again, Firestar talks to Hollyleaf alone and expresses concern for her brothers, telling her to do her best to keep them on the straight and narrow. Firestar trusts Hollyleaf’s power more than Lionblaze and Jayfeather’s, to do good for ThunderClan, and overall feels a kinship with Hollyleaf due to their similar interests in helping clanmates and leading. Hollyleaf gives Rosepaw her warrior assessment and Firestar is proud of Hollyleaf’s skill at mentoring.

Then the infamous fire scene happens. It’s basically the same but now we’re gonna do some good old fashioned Mentor death, cause Firestar is gonna get mortally wounded here trying to help his clanmates escape. Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, and Lionblaze stay back with Firestar, but Firestar eventually convinces them to escape before he dies. As a fun little bonus here for people paying attention and a little foreshadowing: Hollyleaf nearly dies multiple times during this scene, but ends up narrowly escaping due to Lionblaze and Jayfeather’s help. They get caught in the fire and Squirrelflight jumps in to try to help and Ashfur intervenes. Ashfur tries to get the three killed to hurt Squirrelflight, so she reveals the truth that Jay, Holly, and Lion aren’t actually her kits. Ashfur says he doesn’t care, this will still hurt Squirrelflight, and that’s when Jayfeather blurts out that Firestar is dead. This shocks both Ashfur and Squirrelflight and the fight stops. Ashfur backs down, saying losing Firestar is only the beginning of his revenge on Squirrelflight.

The book ends in much the same way, with the three freaking out over not knowing their biological parents, wondering how that affects the prophecy, and then Ashfur turning up dead by the end of the book. Firestar is also dead, so yeah, now we get Bramblestar.

At the end of this book, we get an epilogue with Leafpool, very similar to the prologue that begins Sunset, with her finding the fur in Ashfur’s claws and from that knowing who the true killer might be.

#power of three #rewrite #jayfeather #lionblaze #hollyleaf #firestar #long shadows #Warrior Cats

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