#about how he knows hes bisexual but he also still seems kinda repressed about it — | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anderscim · 1 year

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oh! something actually not about david for once

(whit young train of thought)

(take this giant wall of text with a grain of salt)

// spoilers for drdt chapter 2

i believe many of you have already picked up on this, but i’m just thinking about how whit uses his sense of humor and his lighthearted “indifference” to deflect any feelings of grief.

okay i think i’ll have to explain a bit further so. here we go

think back to whit’s secret:

“your mother is dead. you always omit that truth.”

and, unironically, this is true. he had a couple of opportunities to bring up his “true secret” but never did.

for me, the part that specifically stands out is when he claims his life is too uneventful to know what his motive secret is, and even lists some of his minor secrets to prove his point:

(side note: whit being a bisexual icon. hehe)

in a way, he’s almost acting like he forgot about his mother’s passing, although something like the death of a family member is usually a painful fact that would hang over people’s minds.

whit probably felt that, if he ever tried to properly process his grief, he would break down as he was unable to hold all of that emotional baggage at once. so instead, he pushed his mother’s death into the back of his mind; in doing so, he wouldn’t have to remind himself of it again.

also, when he admits to his secret during the 2nd trial he handles it very lightly.

he mentions it in passing almost as if it’s a spontaneous realization, rather than something that hangs heavy on his mind.

and yes, i do know that there isn’t really much else he could say here, but i still feel like it’s important enough to address. and this may just be me, but i feel like his word choice was really vague which seems slightly out of character for him—but i may be wrong about that so i’ll fact check later.

anyways,

both of these together, i think it’s safe to say that whit:

refrains from addressing anything about his mother / repressing his grief surrounding her death

tries to act indifferent about it

and my personal interpretation is that he does this so he doesn’t have to deal with his grief.

however, this doesn’t just apply to his family.

this also applies to whit’s sense of humor in the killing game. think about the number of times hu had to yell at him at class trials for the way he seemed to be taking everything lightly—at first i didn’t think much of it, but now, i think the reason why he’s actively trying to be lighthearted, and comes up with as many jokes as possible during the trial, is so he doesn’t have to think about the fact that someone just got murdered.

whit’s current lighthearted demeanor is his coping mechanism, but i feel like he’s accumulated a lot of bottled up emotions over time because of it. however, he’ll have to face them sooner or later—and i think that’ll be a very important portion of his character arc.

and actually, i’m kinda scared that character arc is gonna consist of whit actually having to face grief head-on sometime in the next two trials or so.

and uh, i think

you know

what i mean

silently places a death flag on charles

anyways

feel free to reach out to me, refute me, etc. whatever floats your boat honestly

because i would LOVE to hear your opinions on this! really

(and as always take this with a grain of salt)

#drdt #danganronpa despair time #whit young #bagel’s train of thought #very. calmly. looks at charles #but honestly i see it happening both ways #i feel cruel for saying it but it had to be said 😭#also just me or. is “take it with a grain of salt” becoming my catchphrase #fanganronpa #fangan

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the-soul-of-a-morningstar · 1 month

Note

Hello! Thank you so much for doing a matchup trade with me :3 you seem so cool btw. here I go!

Also just @ me when your done!

my name is jaxrel! i also use "jax" for short, I also use other names like lan, himawari, eden, etc. I use he/him pronouns and im a trans man who's bisexual with more of a male pref. and thanks to the testosterones I have a deeper voice :D im a aquarius and i have a lot of mental discorders which l'll get to in a bit.

PERSONALITY: I'm a ENTP, 4W3 (or 3W2) Ravenclaw. I'm very extroverted but I also have some introvert traits which l'll get down to in a minute, my personality is very unique but also hard to describe. I'm very confident, straightforward and I have a sense of justice for myself (I have a urge to correct someone of faulty information), uses "big" words, good sense of humor, playful, entertaining, optimistic, mischievous, curious(l'm nosy and I love gossip), I can be a rule breaker(sometimes don't mean to). l'm extremely independent, when comfortable talk about a lot of stuff for hours, loud talker, emotions come off as sarcastic or silly due to autism). As for my sense of humor I can be sometimes crude. l'm a very chill and intelligent person but some people would say I have some "repressed anger issues, get a reallyyy overractive Brain, tend to get deep and philosophical when I'm left on my own for to long, I can be verbally aggressive when prevoked. Usually when I meet people I come off as awkward and shy, even distant but l'lI get comfortable with them soon enough. I'm very polite and sweet btw! I may look scary sometimes (*cough* that's what I get for being emo *coughs harder*) but l'm always there for someone no matter what. I'm the dad friend. When I go out I always bring water bottles, first aid kit, chapsticks (pretty much anything you can think of). I have a lot of social awareness but i often intentionally act in a rash and unapologetic way because personally i do not care at all for social norms or rules. As l'm the dad friend (also the therapist friend too) l've been told give a lot of good advice and im also a very good listener too. English isn’t my first language either since I was born in the Middle East and speak Arabic more, basically my English isn’t the best and I’m much more fluent in Arabic, Spanish, Korean and Japanese. Here's more information linked here about me. (which I suggest reading)

I've been diagnosed with a lot of disorders such as Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, BPD + etc, it's hard especially with my Autism, sadly a lot of these run on my mothers side of the family and I gotten a lot of them, I'm prone to psychosis/ delusions and sometimes it happens in episodes that can last for months. I also get really mad if people piss me off which goes for my repressed anger issues.

When i'm talking to people I get very loud and unhinged, just very silly like i'm spamming cursed images and telling my friends i'm going to eat their skin and shit like that (AS A JOKE......), just being very neurotic. a lot of my friends describe me as a feral creature HELP. I also use a lot of memes to react to things (which is usually anime, kpop, or just random ones)

I'm very flirty towards people sometimes, sometimes even tease a little but it's not mean spirited or anything. I'm still a friendly person. And I spend time and effort on the people I like and the things I find interesting but I find pretty much anything interesting hehe.

I've been told I act a lot more like victor nikitorov from a lot of my friends and I kinda know why because of how cheerful can be and from what I know I don't seem to understand -or even care about-conventional social norms. I also have that rock star charm. And as an extra I can always dazzle woman and men alike without a single glance). And I also act like Elysia a lot too which you can find more here from her personality.

MISC.: clumsy; accidentally (+purposefully) misuses slang or common phrases ; enjoys skin care and hair care ; I also tend to enjoy makeup routines to be more masculine; able to pick up new skills relatively quickly; studied french, korean, japanese + etc; l'm very good at doing my outfits (probably because I got a lot of help from chinese people...) ; prone to being a bit directionless in life ; prone to bad luck but tries to find the humor in most situations ; life approach: to live a life of varied experiences, to not take life too seriously, to not dwell too much on the past.

KINS: hiyori tomoe (enstars), yoosung kim (mystic messenger), jumin han (mystic messenger), hanako (tbhk), felix kranken (twf), albedo (genshin impact), shoya ishida (a silent voice), tom (eddsworld). eridan (homestuck), karkat (homestuck), shu itsuki (enstars), miyamura izumi (horimiya), michael afton (FNAF), lolbit (FNAF), mangle (FNAF), natsume sakasaki (enstars), sora harukawa (enstars), urumi akamaki (alice in borderland), V (mystic messenger), hagumi kitazawa (bandori), matsubara kanon (bandori), shinji ikari (neon genesis evangelion), minami kotobuki (oshi no ko), lain iwakura (serial experiments lain), hajime hinata (danganronpa), k-angel (needy streamer overdose) and more.

KINS I RELATE TO THE MOST: Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice), Tei (Nameless), Cutthroat (Akudama Drive, Except the Bloodlust cutthroat has.), Elysia (Honkai Impact 3rd), Ranpo Edogawa (Bungo Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungo Stray Dogs), Space Ishtar (Fate), Okita Souji (Fate), Langa Hasegawa (Sk8 The Infinity), Sherlock Holmes (TGAA), Zack (Final Fantasy 7), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist), Otonashi Yuzuru (Angel Beats), Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom), Vanitas (Study Case of Vanitas), Zoe Hange (AOT), Shinoa Hiragi (Seraph of The End) + more

(psssst, my kin lists will help you know more about my personality:))

LOVE LANGUAGES: physical touch, quality time. (giving) gift-giving, physical touch, quality time (receiving)

(I really like physical touch the most and I always get called a "clingy koala" because I love hugs sm, and also because I cuddle my plushies for HOURS on no end)

IDEAL DATE(S): Usually if I was the one to chose a date it would be at dinner or at a picnic outside somewhere nice and maybe we can either go to the movies, arcade or mall. I wouldn't really care what my partner would like to do, and if they wanna do something and wanna buy something l'I have so much money on me. I would also die (not rlly, I would feel my SOUL go out of my body) if my partner were to ever get anything I liked (which is plushies, energy drinks, chocolate (AND) strawberries, etc) ILL LITERALLY HUG THE SHIT OUTTA THEM.

HOBBIES: gaming, anthropology pathology, theology, zoology, music, dancing, filmmaking, art (drawing, painting, pottery, digital art, etc), learning different instruments/languages, cosplaying, skateboarding, tabletop RPG's, taking pictures of things that I think are pretty, collecting figurines/stuffed animals and puppetry, science/history, soccer(football)/volleyball/ basketball, skating and swimming, cooking/baking, art is definitely my main hobby I dedicate a lot of time to it, I can play 5 instruments which is the piano, cello, koto and bass/electric guitar, I know 6 languages and I'm learning more right now (which are hindi, german, cantonese and chinese if your interested).

I love gaming a lot and I play a lot of survival horror games, role-playing games, visual novels, etc, spent a lot of my money on games for my nintendo, Ps5 and computer. I play too much on roblox and basically during my freetime when I'm not studying other things I like/OR for school I'm usually in my gaming seat playing away and eating junk food. The games I really enjoy playing is roblox, class of 09, honaki impact 3rd, omori, any rhythm games and etc…

I also like writing and reading a lot, including with a studying new things with history, languages, etc. I love taking naps too and I also enjoy watching youtube (my favorite youtubers are flamingo, berleezy, kub scoutz, markiplier, benoftheweek, funkyfrogbait, etc). This also includes with me liking to watch movies as well, same goes for tv shows, asian dramas, etc.. (I also tend to rewatch a lot but not too much; like watching the harry potter movies, any of the marvel movies, horror movies, etc.)

I've been told I'm a very good dancer! I do belly dancing and I also do hiphop dancing as well. I've been in a lot of sports for years now since I was little (thank you to my mother for forcing me :,D) and now I'm in so many! and l've won a lot of rewards and I've been to a couple championships all because of me.

I'm also very, VERY skilled in cooking, baking, etc and I'm always happy to share what I baked with my closest ones.

Likes: Chocolate, Strawberries, Pizza, Iced Coffee and Boba Tea, Anime/ Manga, Music, Food, Winning in arguments online or irl, Reading, Cats, Sharks, Animals in general, Cold/or Rainy Weather, Shopping, Action or Romance movies, Kdrama(pretty much any asian dramas), Spicy & Sweet Food, Ramen.

Music: | like (too much) music a lot. I'm a k/jpop stan, I listen to metal/rock a lot, I listen to vkei and vocaloid a lot too, this is also another genre I enjoy listening to but idk what to call it but it's similar to 6arelyhuman, Odetari, Kets4eki, etc (I make similar music to them), I also listen to a lot of indie pop, rap music and scene music. I've been a really big lemon demon fan and I really like listening to any sad music too. my spotify is here

Apperance: l'm pretty tall l'm 5'8 right now and l'm on the very skinny side (I literally get called a twig everyday I'm half Polish and Half Middle Eastern (Iraqi) / Filipino. People usually get confused and a lot I get questions if I'm from North Korea, Hawaii, Brazil or Mexico (it's mostly north korea though HELP idk why people think that), I have dyed black hair. My hair is pretty short (but a little long only going down my neck a few inches) but I get a lot of compliments for it. When I get out of bed from sleeping my hair is always looking like a mess (psst I also have bangs too. Ive been told I look both masculine and feminine. I have piercings (one in (?) my nose, two on the bottom of my lips, and a couple more on both of my ears). I want a tattoo so bad, If I ever get one it would be on the side of my belly and it would be a spider tattoo. I have a dimple on my chin and I have hazel almond eyes.

Aesthetic/Clothing Style: Ok so this is definitely what makes me unique to people other than my personality, my fashion extends to gyaru (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, gyaruo, rokku, manba, banba, kogal, tsuyome, and kigurumi), goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, cyber goth, and victorian goth), scenemo/emo (ofc), & Y2K, jirai kei, vkei, ouji and lolita, suits + dresses (+ MORE) I usually wear these fashion outfits whenever 'm in school, when i'm out somewhere, during my job, or just to look cool. Whenever I'm not in my crazy outfits I'm usually dressed in my "IDGAF" outfits by that I mean are like pj pants and a black shirt, usually I look like I'm alternative whenever I'm not dressed, I wear a lot of jeans, sweatshirts, etc.

Accessories: Usually when I'm in my outfits I bring a lot of accessories with me, I have tote bags that I use to carry things I wanna carry INCLUDING with purses, back packs, etc. I'm a big kpop and jpop fan so you'll see me carrying photo cards or any kind of merch of my favorite groups/ group members. I also have anime keychains/etc, and I also have like hazbin hotel/helluva boss merch too. you'll always see me wearing rings around my fingers a lot, and whenever I'm feeling "girly" I wear a lot of earrings. I also tend to bring perfume and cologne with me, but it's usually any good smelling sprays like mint hot chocolate or strawberry short cake.

Thank you so much! Have a good day!

a/n: Lowkey forgot to not do this with the ask attached but I started yapping in my drafts and forgot to not do it with the ask so mb 😔 But thank you for doing this with me! Here are your results, dear!

Angel Dust

There’s a lot to touch on here, but personality wise I think you and Angel’s personality’s clash a lot (in good way!) Like, you both are very similar yet very different to me, and that helps balance things, I guess? Like you both know how to get eachother back on track or get the other one to see the other side of things, but with an understanding of the other, since you’re both similar yet different, you know?

Another way you and Angel Dust bond is over fashion, despite your varying tastes in clothes, Angel loves every item of clothing you wear. One of your favorite things to do (especially if one of you is leaving for an extended period of time) is picking out each other outfits out of each others wardrobes

Since Angel also has a language he speaks (Italian) if you don’t already know Italian, he will teach it to you, in hopes that you teach him your language(s) as well. He likes being able to talk with you in another language because it feels like there’s no one else in the world but you two, and it feels more private if people are around, y’know?

Runner-Ups: Lucifer, Vox, Charlie

@the-soul-of-a-morningstar : please do not copy, repost or translate onto any other platform.

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funnywormz · 1 year

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putting some red dwarf headcanons below the cut bc im feeling kinda crappy and just wanna talk abt them.

please keep in mind that these are my readings of the characters and im in no way trying to claim these things are canon or the "correct" way of interpreting them, this is just how i see them personally. a lot of this is just rlly self-indulgent and involves me Projecting. if you don't agree with me on any/all of these, that's fine, i don't expect anyone to be on board with all of them tbh, just pls be nice to be abt it im sensitive

also just a warning. this post got very long bc i have a Lot to say lol

lister

gender: trans man, he/they

sexuality: bisexual

other: adhd (inattentive type), depression, amputee with prosthetic arm

notes: i headcanon lister as a trans man bc im trans masc myself and i find it very comforting to see him that way. it also fits in well with some aspects of canon, like his pregnancy in season 2. he's also just trans masc swag personified lol.

the bisexual headcanon seems to be shared by a lot of ppl in the fandom, and it's personally the way i see him. i think he has a definite preference for women but is still occasionally attracted to men, and (i am pretending that one scene in series 7 doesn't exist here lol 😒) i don't think he'd be repressed abt it at all. he's horny and not afraid to act on it

in terms of the neurodivergent stuff, i think adhd-i fits with his personality pretty well. i think that combined with his tendency to be depressed makes it hard for him to stay motivated and focused, and often means that he doesn't rlly take care of himself or his personal hygiene and seeks out short-term sources of pleasure like food, video games, alcohol and sex to keep himself happy, but can't rlly focus on long term goals. being the last human alive stuck in deep space definitely doesn't help. often his "laziness" is a result of his lack of energy and motivation rather than being an intentional thing. some days he just spend all of his time curled up on his bunk sleeping bc he can't find the drive to do anything else. he doesn't rlly WANT to be that way, he wants to have fun and actually do things, but it doesn't always happen and he has some rlly bad days at times.

with the prosthetic arm, personally i think they should've given him a prosthetic and had a proper character arc around him learning to cope with a disability back in season 7/8, rather than playing it off as a joke and immediately retconning it. i haven't rlly done much planning for this one yet but i just know i want it to be a thing. i think he would probably have a dope looking robot arm or something bc there's no way he'd just go for a boring generic arm if he had the choice imo. he would love to deck it out and customise it and put stickers all over it despite kryten telling him not to hehe

rimmer

gender: mostly cis man but maybe with a little hint of nonbinary-ness in there that he unfortunately refuses to acknowledge. he/him

sexuality: h for homosexual BABEY!!!!!!

other: autism, adhd (hyperactive), panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: i think that it's quite possible that rimmer could have a little bit of gender stuff going on. when he projects his own insecurities abt gender and sexuality onto ace he specifically makes jabs abt ace probably wearing women's clothes in secret multiple times, which is equally as telling as his sniping abt ace being gay.

i also do headcanon rimmer as gay, but deeply, deeply repressed about it. he pursues women and kinda forces himself to believe he's attracted to them, but it's out of his desire to meet his own stupid arbitrary expectations of what he "should" be like, rather than out of any genuine attraction. ik a lot of ppl see him as bi, which is perfectly valid! but personally his pursuits of women read to me as something he does bc he feels he needs to do it to complete his image rather than something he does out of any real desire. he's also got enough internalised homophobia that it'd probably take decades of therapy to make him be normal abt it lol. rimmer wants to be the kind of man that he thinks will receive respect and will meet the expectations his family put on him as a child, and having a wife and children was always part of that image for him. he never really stopped to consider if that's something he actually wanted. i think he becomes more accepting of his own queerness as time goes on, but it does take time.

the neurodivergent stuff should be pretty self explanatory but im gonna rant abt it anyways. as an autistic person myself, i find rimmer very relatable. there are multiple scenes in the series where jokes and sarcasm go over his head completely, and countless times where he misreads body language and doesn't seem to get what kind of behaviour is appropriate for certain situations. he just seems to struggle with social interaction and bonding/making friends in general. he has intense interests that others don't rlly understand, like telegraph poles, risk, cars, morris dancing, etc. he gets pleasure out of organising and sorting things to a degree that seems pedantic to others, and seems genuinely confused when lister doesn't share his enthusiasm for cataloguing the ship's food stocks as a fun saturday night activity. he seems to enjoy routines and predictability, and gets upset when unexpected things happen. he also tends to get obsessive about small details rather than focusing on the big picture.

in terms of hyperactive adhd, it seems to me that rimmer often has a hard time slowing down and relaxing, and seems to need to be constantly on the go and doing things and generally fussing about. he also is self aware abt the fact that he has a hard time being quiet, and needs to talk more and at a faster pace than most other people, especially when he's nervous or distracted. as well as this, he often stims by rocking back and forth and jiggling his leg up and down (this also fits with the autism hc). he also has a tendency to procrastinate and seems to have a hard time studying, despite his attempts to convince people otherwise. it often comes up in the series that he'll get hyperfixated on doing something a bit arbitrary, like making an impeccable study timetable/schedule, or tidying, or sorting things into perfect order, rather than actually STUDYING, which is part of why he continuously fails his engineering exam.

the panic and anxiety disorder thing should be pretty self explanatory too. rimmer is clearly a worrier and has multiple panic attacks in the actual series. he seems to spend most of his time in a highly strung state of near panic, to the point where it interferes with his physical health. the way the canon narrative handles his anxiety, and his neurodivergent traits in general, is often a bit shitty lol, but it seems clear to me that he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. kryten mentions that he's at a higher risk for those kinds of disorders due to genetics, but i also think that his childhood trauma and subsequent lifestyle (deathstyle??) definitely haven't helped him get any calmer lol

the cat

gender: trans man, he/him

sexuality: bisexual aromantic

other: autism

notes: most of these are more of a "because i said so" situation rather than things with canon evidence lol but still. esp the trans man one. i don't think the cat rlly has much of a concept of his own gender at all tbh, he just decided one day he was more comfortable as a man and stopped thinking abt it after that lol. i see the cat as bisexual bc i don't think he'd rlly give a fuck abt gender as long as ppl are hot and well presented, and i think he's aromantic bc throughout the series he doesn't seem to show much interest in a committed romantic relationship with anyone. when he does show interest in people, it reads more as purely sexual attraction to me than any desire to settle down or have an actual relationship.

i think he's autistic but it isn't always picked up bc his special interest is fashion, which isn't perceived to be a "typical" special interest. he seems very particular abt textures and colours, and puts meticulous effort into his wardrobe and often only wants to talk abt clothes even when ppl want to talk to him abt something else. to tie in with that, he doesn't seem great at reading social cues and often makes faux pas and accidentally insults others without realising it. he seems to generally have a hard time with empathy and understanding that others might not always share his interests and priorities

kryten

gender: nonbinary, any pronouns but generally uses he/him and is fine with this

sexuality: aroace

other: autism (again)

notes: ik that robots being nonbinary and aroace and autistic can be an unfortunate and frustrating stereotype sometimes, but it's just hard for me to see kryten any other way 😅. anyways, although im not aro or ace, i AM autistic and nonbinary and i think robots rule and i adore kryten so WHATEVER!!!! take it up with my nonexistent lawyer or something idc

in terms of being nb, kryten seems to only have the vaguest idea of what gender actually is, and i doubt that he really identifies as particularly male or female. he's most used to being perceived as male, but i don't think he really identifies with manhood. he seemed actively repulsed by male reproductive organs when he was briefly human, which makes me think that if he was human he'd probably suffer from gender dysphoria if he had to live in an amab body, but likewise he seems to have mixed feelings abt being perceived as a woman in season 8. in truth, i think he fits somewhere in the middle.

i see kryten as aroace bc he just never rlly seems to express any interest in sex or romance, even seeming confused by both concepts at different points. he IS a deeply loving and passionate and affectionate person at times imo, but it's always platonic i think. he just doesn't strike me as someone who would get any enjoyment or fulfilment out of having sex or being in a romantic relationship.

the autistic hc should once again be pretty obvious. he has a hard time reading social cues a lot of the time, and enjoys repetitive tasks that other ppl find boring, like ironing etc. he also just generally does and says things that strike others as eccentric without meaning to come across that way and jokes often go right over his head. he's autistic to me. ik that a lot of this is tied up with him being a mechanoid, but im autistic and i love kryten so im claiming him fuck you

kochanski

gender: trans woman, she/her

sexuality: lesbian

other: autism, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: ive seen a few ppl hc kochanski as a trans woman and i rlly warmed up to it. it also makes sense that lister would get a crush on her if he knew she was trans and they had "two of the only trans ppl on the dwarf" solidarity, like i can imagine it being part of why he came to like her tbh.

ik kochanski's statement abt her dave being gay and them just pretending to be in a relationship was immediately dismissed by lister and she didn't argue abt it, but i like to personally believe it's true. i think for a long time she struggled with internalised homophobia and didn't mind getting attention from men, esp bc it validated her gender as well. but in my headcanon it was always uncomfortable for her and never felt right, hence why she broke up with her lister before the accident (although the breakup was also in part due to her lister's struggles with his sexuality as well). much like with rimmer, i think kochanski had high expectations of herself and felt anxious for others to see her as a "real woman", and for a long time it was hard for her to reconcile being a lesbian with those expectations. but she gets there eventually.

at first i was on the fence abt headcanoning kochanski as being autistic, but i decided to do it. she's better at masking than rimmer is, but it still shows through in her very particular sensory preferences and attachment to comfort items and occasional misreading of social situations. likewise with generalised anxiety, i think she has a tendency to get anxious and worry abt things that other ppl might not care abt, and becomes stressed pretty easily. she tries her best to hide it, but she likes to be in control of a situation and know what all of the likely outcomes are, and when she can't have that level of control she finds it deeply upsetting and destabilising. she likes to have predictability and routine and takes comfort in familiar objects and sensations even when those things might seem silly or irrelevant to others.

holly

gender: nonbinary (imagine all of the computer related puns she could make abt this lol he would love it), any pronouns

sexuality: bisexual

other: n/a

notes: holly is so nonbinary to me. it's basically canon already considering that they switch back and forth between male and female presentation multiple times. i don't think gender means a hell of a lot to holly but she enjoys messing around with it and trying out new things. my personal headcanon is that she prefers presenting in more of a feminine way but the default presentation he's programmed with is masculine and she can't rlly be bothered changing it a lot of the time bc she doesn't rlly give a smeg.

likewise i think holly is attracted to men and women and everyone else. i don't think he feels sexual or romantic attraction that often but it definitely happens. they only ever really feel attraction to other ai though and aren't into organic beings in that way, and bc he hardly ever gets to encounter other ai her romantic life is kinda nonexistent lol.

i think holly probably has some Brain Stuff going on but idk what exactly so ive left that blank for now. if i come up with anything i will probably edit this later

OK THAT'S IT FOR NOW sorry this post is long as fuck. hope you guys enjoyed reading me ramble on abt the silly little fellows

#i dont think im gonna put this in the main tags bc im scared of ppl making fun of me for these 😔#like i said it's very self indulgent i dont expect ppl to agree with me or even understand. but i just needed to go on a ramble #pls be nice

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baya-ni · 3 years

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SHADOW’s Queer Coding

I first started exploring this idea of Sk8′s implicit queer rep (as in stuff other than explicit same sex intimacy) in this post.

I know we like to joke that Hiromi is the Token Straight of the protag gang, but I argue that he’s as much an example of queer rep as any of our main characters, albeit in a less conventional and fanservicey way.

So that’s what this post is gonna be, an analysis of Hiromi/SHADOW as a queer figure, how his character fits the Jekyll/Hyde archetype as a metaphor for queerness and The Closet, the similarities between SHADOW as a skatesona and early drag, and how his character represents a larger problem of exclusion within queer fandom spaces.

The 1886 Gothic novella The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson is the origin of the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde”. What I’m calling the Jekyll/Hyde archetype, refers to the same thing; it refers to duality, to a character who is “outwardly good but sometimes shockingly evil” (as described from the novella’s wiki page).

And the Jekyll/Hyde dynamic has also long been associated with Queerness. The antagonism between Jekyll and Hyde as two sides of the same person resonates with many people as similar to the experience being in the closet, and many many scholars have written about this queer reading of Jekyll and Hyde. Do a quick google search if you don’t believe me.

Hiromi experiences his own Jekyll/Hyde duality through his SHADOW persona, which seems to entirely contradict with Hiromi’s day to day personality.

Whilst Hiromi is sweet, romantic, and generally very cutesy, SHADOW is mean-spirited, sadistic, described as “the anti-hero of the S community.” And though these two personalities seem entirely at odds, SHADOW doesn’t exist in a vacuum, he’s very much a part of Hiromi. In the show, this manifests as SHADOW’s sabotage moves being all flower themed, as Hiromi works in a flower shop, and how he’ll “step out” of character when playing babysitter to the kids.

Below is passage from an essay titled, “The Homoerotic Architectures of Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” which reminds me a lot of Hiromi’s character, such that I think his character arc can be read as an allegory for coming out and self acceptance.

The closet, here, is a space not only for secrecy and repression, but also for becoming; it is the space in which queer identities build themselves up from “disused pieces” and attempt to discover the strength needed for presentation to the world. The closet is both a space of profound fear and profound courage—of potentiality and actualization. (Prologue)

Unlike the kid/teen characters, the show’s adult characters all lead double lives. When they aren’t skating, they have day jobs. Kaoru is a calligrapher, Kojiro is a restaurant owner, Ainosuke is a politician/businessman (but tbh his job is just being some rich dude), and Hiromi works in a flower shop.

But of the adult protagonists (so not Ainosuke), Hiromi compartmentalizes the most.

Kojiro leaves his face totally exposed such that he can be recognized both on and off the skate scene. Kaoru at least covers his face, but his trademark pink hair and constant use of Carla doesn’t make it very hard to connect the dots between him and CHERRY. He’s also always with Kojiro in the evenings, so if you don’t recognize him as CHERRY when he’s on his own, you certainly will when you see him interacting with Kojiro/JOE.

Next to these two, Hiromi seems the more adamant at separating his Work from Play.

Even when he’s been clearly found it, he still tries to deny that he and SHADOW are the same person. Miya even uses this to coerce Hiromi into helping him and the boys:

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the separation between Hiromi and SHADOW can be interpreted as a metaphor for being in The Closet. As SHADOW, he leads a secret life, one characterized by an tight-knit underground community with a vibrant night scene, where he behaves in ways typically frowned upon by larger society. He worries about being found out and judged by the people close to him.

But in Ep 4, the walls of his Closet begins to come down, or in this case is literally imposed upon by other members of his community, by its younger members, who don’t feel the same need to hide their passion for skateboarding or lead the same kind of double life.

We then see the line between Hiromi and SHADOW begin to blur.

He becomes less of an antagonist, and instead the audience sees him become a mentor and “mother hen” figure for the younger skaters. Later on in Ep 4, we see him casually interacting with the other protags in full SHADOW mode, not as an “anti-hero” but as a friend. In Ep 6, he acts as a babysitter for the kids, and we see him totally comfortable appearing both in an out of his SHADOW persona throughout their vacation.

And I think that this gradual convergence of Hiromi and SHADOW will culminate in this tournament arc.

There’s something more personal that’s driving SHADOW to do well in this tournament. It’s not just for bragging rights or his pride as a skater, but the results of this tournament is going to have some kind of greater impact on Hiromi’s personal life. Personally, my theory is that Hiromi is using this tournament to prove to himself that he’s worthy enough to ask his manager out on a date.

Hiromi is no longer compartmentalizing, his two lives are overlapping and influencing each other. Recall the essay quote I cited earlier:

The closet... is the space in which queer identities build themselves up from “disused pieces” and attempt to discover the strength needed for presentation to the world... of potentiality and actualization.

This is exactly the case for Hiromi. Through skating, he is piecing together the disparate parts of him such that he can present himself to the world as a more unified and confident being.

And the show presents the very skating community that Hiromi has been working so hard to keep separated from his personal life- Reki, Langa, Miya, Kaoru, and Kojiro- as the catalyst for that becoming.

That, my dear readers, is queer coding if I ever saw it.

But there’s probably gonna be people claiming something along the lines of “But SHADOW can’t be queer rep because he’s Straight!” And I assume that’s because he shows romantic interest in his female manager.

First of all, Bisexuality. Also Ace/aro-spec people. And second of all, SHADOW is Hiromi’s drag persona.

And before anyone can say anything about how Hiromi can’t do drag because he’s straight (assumption) and cis (also an assumption) uhhhh no, fuck you.

Drag didn’t start with RuPaul’s Drag Race, that’s just how it got mainstream. And it’s also how it got so gentrified and transphobic. You heard me. But anyway.

Drag is, and has always been, first and foremost about exaggerated, and oftentimes satirical, gender presentation and performance. It’s about playing with gender norms through artistic dress and theater, not so much to do with sexuality or gender identity.

Literally, what’s the difference here?

SHADOW is a persona of exaggerated masculinity with a punk aesthetic. Regardless of his sexuality or gender identity, Hiromi’s gender performance as SHADOW is drag- that makes him queer representation, change my fucking mind.

Queerness is more than same-sex romance, and by extension, good queer representation is not limited to canonized gay ships. The very word Queer, in it’s ambiguity, is meant to encompass the richly unique experiences of everyone within the LGBTQ+ community.

In my opinion, Queer =/= Gay. I mean, they’re colloquially the same yes and even I use them interchangeably. But for the purpose of this post, they’re not the same, and that’s to argue that Hiromi/SHADOW’s lack of acknowledgement as queer rep illustrates a larger issue of exclusion within fandom.

I mean, this is something we all kinda been knew, but in the case of Sk8 specifically, there are a two main reasons why I think Hiromi is rarely acknowledged as queer rep.

1. He’s not shippable with another male character

Fandom favors mlm ships when it comes to what’s considered good queer rep. And the ultimate mark of good queer rep is explicit acts of romance or intimacy between two male characters. Unlike with any of the other characters in the show, we can’t point to Hiromi and automatically clock him as gay, especially because he expresses romantic interest in a woman.

So by default, he’s less popular, because “Ew Straight People” amirite /s.

2. He’s not attractive

This is really interesting, because like JOE, Hiromi is a beefcake.

But fans don’t thirst over him the same way they do over JOE. Granted, the show really plays up JOE’s muscles in a very strip-teasey way that literally encourages viewers to find him attractive. By contrast, Hiromi is pretty much covered head to toe and he paints his face in theatrical makeup- the point is to look scary, not attractive.

In essence, even though Hiromi engages in “queer behavior” through his SHADOW persona, his queerness isn’t palatable.

But I also think there’s some pretty insidious undercurrents of fetishization going on here, of both Asian people AND gay men. Which is... a whole other thing I really don’t have the capacity to unpack completely.

But basically, Hiromi doesn’t fit into any of the popular BL archetypes so he’s less likely to recognized as Queer. Relatedly, he’s also less often subjected to a fetishistic gaze as other characters. I mean...

So again, fans just don’t find him as appealing. Attractive characters are always more popular than ugly ones.

And I’m sure there are a lot of people who just don’t care for Hiromi’s personality, that’s fine, he does act like an asshole sometimes. But this post is meant to illustrate that queer rep takes multiple forms, and unfortunately I think a lot of media just tends to fall back on stereotypical portrayals of queer people for the sake of broader appeal. And by consequence, the fandom’s idea of what constitutes queer rep narrows to same-sex romance, usually between two cis gay men.

With the release of Ep 9, I know a lot of people queer people are going to find representation in the Kojiro’s whole “unrequited love” thing. But personally, I feel more represented by Hiromi, his journey of self-acceptance and subversive relationship with gender- that’s what resonates with me as a trans person.

And I think it’s important to see that kind of less palatable type of queer representation more acknowledged in fandom, and in Sk8′s fandom especially, because I know the demographics of this fandom lean heavily queer.

But that’s all for now, lemme know what you guys think :)

#if there are typos forgive me i'm tired #i've been sitting on this take for a number of weeks now #i rlly hope i'm big braining rn #and not just like #yelling into a void #i love hiromi #yall Sleeping on my mans #hav u seen his leather clad ass???#bodacious #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #sk8 theory #sk8 meta #sk8 spoilers #sk8 shadow

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ethernetchord · 3 years

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i was posed some interesting prompts/questions by @waywardrebelhairdodeputy-blog about iwwv so here are my responses!

1. Why do you think James punched Oliver? (During the sword play practice and also in the beginning of the book Gwendolyn asked James to think of something that would make him wanna punch Oliver and after a minute his eyes became hard, what do you think he thought of then at the moment?

oh, this is a cool question. there are a couple of angles I'd like to take with this so please, bear with me. Firstly I thought about this from the Rio/Oliver narration perspective. So let me pull out some Oliver quotes (concerning James)

"James and I put each other through the kind of reckless passions Gwendolyn once talked about, joy and anger and desire and despair."

"but in the red glare of the fire, he no longer looked so angelic. Instead, he was handsome the way you think of the devil as handsome—forbiddingly so."

"You’re—I don’t know, this fragile, elusive thing, and I feel like if I could just catch you, I could crush you... I should hate you right now. And I want to—God, I want to —but that’s not enough"

“Oliver, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to hurt the whole world.” (James to Oliver)

Now, with all of this in mind, you'll come to realize that one of the most enticing and riveting things about these two is that their love and passion for each other is far from gentle or soft- contrasting greatly how many queer male relationships are represented. It's harsh, bright, sharp- it's ruthless but not uncaring. Oliver, highly repressed in himself becomes inwardly aggressive and violent- "I could crush you." "I should hate you... I want to" "Forbiddingly" - His affections towards James aren't entirely consensual on his own behalf, this makes him assaultive and frustrated. But only internally- he never acts on these feelings, he can't hurt James. James is the opposite of this- and you'd think with his gentle angelic, princely demeanor that he'd be equally repressive of his feelings and impulses but if the book has proven anything- it's that James is perfectly capable of causing physical harm. Rio presents them equally in their aggression but their approaches are foils of each other.

The next thing I'd propose- ultimately- is Meredith, and additionally, internalized homophobia. Now let's clarify: I don't think James had any doubts about his queer identity I just don't think he was entirely accepting of even himself. Because if we look at the one, explicit, instance in which James is murderously aggressive- Richard's murder- what two things does that event and his aggressions towards Oliver have in common? Meredith and homosexuality. Let me explain. Richard and Meredith, Meredick if you will, "She and Richard had been “together” in every typical sense of the word", it's nearly impossible to think of Richard without Meredith- and this might have been less significant if Meredith and Oliver didn't have the relationship they had and if Meredith had never propositioned James also. Her ties with all three of them is important. Now; homosexuality. Richard was acting explicitly homophobic- now whether this is true or not because I know that's been an argument itself- it has to stem from some reality for James. And with Oliver- well it's obvious there. So my point: James might have thought of Meredith and Oliver, of them together, of if she had propositioned Oliver in the same way. He might have thought of Oliver, of wanting to love him but not allowing himself, of Oliver slipping through his fingers, of Oliver hitting him for these very desires.

2. Also also also the part where James was drunk and blabbering like a fool out of guilt, he asked Wren to sleep with her so was he bisexual too? Or that was just a ruse to get away from Oliver at that moment, but there are parts where he was affectionate towards Wren (could be friendship, but he was twirling strands of hair at the nape of her neck and she was smiling so....)

I think different queer people might interpret this differently but this is my reading of it. I do think they were friendly- I think they were very close really. The situation with the photos in which James is playing with her hair while posing + plus the kiss (part of their performance) and finally him asking her to sleep with him- I don't think that it's impossible for him to be bisexual.

I've seen a lot of people say that he must be gay since he rejected Meredith but that's a very surface-level conclusion in my opinion. I think that his inability to be attracted to Mer had more to do with his genuine disliking towards her and that he just really didn't want to be another one of the boys she could play. I don't think it has to be concrete evidence of his complete homosexuality. I don't by any means think he was in love with Wren, however. The nature of James and Wren's relationship is nothing like Oliver and Meredith's. This is important. I think they were close, James loved her platonically enough and like you said, probably used her as a diversion for himself.

But- kinda in a different direction here, that it's not impossible that James and Wren was some form of straight-baiting for readers (and Oliver.) I don't know about other readers but I know that for most of the book I was convinced that the feelings between James and Oliver were unrequited on Oliver's behalf. I never suspected that James might harbor feelings back which leads me to this: Oliver might have over assumed the nature of their relationship due to his feelings of unrequitedness and incompatibility. As we're having to listen to Oliver's particular retelling of all this- it's easy to get lost in the lens he creates for us. After all, there are multiple versions of the truth.

But like I said- It's likely Wren was a similar distraction for James as Mer was for Oliver and It's also likely they genuinely had some form of relationship. Nothing's impossible.

The only just criticism for Iwwv I accept is that we never received a why for the way Richard was behaving (you could say he was always a dick and losing his main part made him more so) but all those violent tendencies toward everyone? Not justified, I would have liked more depth in his character and then there's the eating disorder of Caroline (Older sister) and how fickle and reckless Oliver was about it, he just didn't care (kinda sad to think about)

I TOTALLY agree with this. Some people might disagree with me when I say iwwv was actually a pretty short book- but between the amount that was Shakespeare extracts and due to the formatting, 400 pages really isn't a lot. I think Richard could have had more development- Hell most of the characters could have had more development but him specifically. His spiral into violence did feel really sudden and a little confusing. I mean as readers we were beginning to look for an antagonist, for someone to dislike because all the characters had pretty enjoyable personalities so when Richard begins to seem antagonistic we kind of follow it comfortably because it seems natural. However, thinking about it afterward you realize how little we truly know about Richard and his borderline insanity ykno? Even re-reading- Richard begins to become an uncomfortable character to readers very very early on. I was trying to find some foreshadowing or possible explanations and all I might be able to grasp at is the line:

"I didn't mean there are exactly fourteen," Richard said thinly. "I mean it would be impossible to isolate one that leads him to skewering himself." (page 57, when discussing Brutus.)

I know Richard doesn't play Brutus but I think this is still notable- It's kind of impossible to find the one thing that drew Richard into this downfall and it would have been a combination of many things, like with any human character. But I do agree Rio could have given us some more space to learn about all those factors for him. Reading from the perspective of Oliver makes this hard because well- He is an unreliable narrator and it's impossible to know how everything played out and why because of this. Especially since Oliver and Richard were never the most friendly. Additionally, I think the closest thing Rio really gives us is Oliver's delivery of the iconic "Actors are by nature volatile" line.

The same goes for the situation with Oliver's sister. I think we didn't hear much about her because Oliver didn't care enough. He was far too overwhelmed with anger and disappointment from being put second to his sister to really muster up the energy to care enough to expose more to readers. Unfortunately, she was simply a side character even in his life, too unnotable to him or his plot (as he's retelling the story). Much of the flaws of this book with the lack of development of other characters- particularly their motives and side plots boil down, essentially to the unreliable narration. This is why so many people do not like this book- and others like it. We are, to some degree, always kept in the dark about something. Because so is Oliver- as much as he (and in turn, we) could spectate about why things happened the way they did, he (we) could never really know. There is beauty and frustration in this simultaneously.

I could say so much more about all my thoughts on Richard but I'll save you that (for now) because I don't think I could explain him but I definitely have my theories.

#if we were villains #iwwv critism #oliver marks #iwwv

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gryphsdeadbones · 4 years

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homophobia/biphobia kinda mentioned?

One of my friends was like, watching Freemind and said, deadass, 'so... is he like, repressing gay thoughts? Like, is he bi or something? He gives of a bi mood to me I have no idea why.' And someone else pointed this out too but like... Freemind is a bi in denial. So now all I'm thinking is Freemind saying no homo about a lot of things, mostly out of fear people will think of him as gay(lets be honest this mans was in 2007, fear of seeming or looking gay was huge then.) and Feetman getting mildly infuriated about it.

Freemind genuinely feels that way about someone, like, 'damn too bad this guys dead, he had some muscle...'

Then he'll realize the other two are behind him and just cough and go, 'what?? No homo jeez'

He has internalized homophobia/biphobia, and yeah.

Might make Freeman sad because he remembers when HE went through that.

HE REALLY DOES now that im rewatching fm. he’s afraid of something trivial like earrings ?? out of all things, afraid wearing it would make him look gay

“like a sailor”

then in the same fuckin episode or so he like? he says he wants to be a pirate. “but that counts as sailor too”

for all we know it could mean nothing at all and just grasping at straws, but it is there. It’s like? A sort of direct parallel or so. He sounds repressed as hell with internalized homo/biphobia

and the beautiful thing about aus and stuff is we can kinda do whatever we want, so freemind can be as gay as much as we want. i dont know what ross scotts reasoning for the r slur stuff was, and i dont really care to know; all i vaguely know he’s sorta chill with like. freemind characterizations i guess?? so like either way [does a cool remix on gordon freemind]

that era was just such a bad, bad time. i know it was for me before i discovered my identity. And society / the internet itself was much much more of a cesspool back then, not many had the common sense and etiquette ppl have nowadays.

freemind does have the capacity to grow and change if he were allowed to.

in-universe, feetman would probably be? less harsh? but still firm in letting freemind know when he’s acting up and doing unacceptable outdated behavior. theyre grown ass adults with fucked up problems, but they know how to solve problems. finding solutions is kind of their thing, as scientists.

communication issues could be a thing, but since they all the same person at their core, they’re even More aware. Who better to call you out on your bullshit if not from an outside party who is also kind of yourself?

its just. so important to grow up in the sense of admitting your mistakes, and forgiving yourself of the dumb shit youve done in the past, and constantly strive to be better than the previous hell you’ve been through, and to just think.

...I got carried away but yes, Gordon Freeman (all 3 of them) very much reads as bisexual with a lot of fuckin issues. I can see him very much struggling with romance, but regardless, he’d treat his partner RIGHT and like. really grow together with whichever character you see he ends up with.

#ask #gordon freemind #gordon freemanverse #shrike writes a thing #i hope it made sense bc i struggle a lot #with wording and articulating with my fucked up brain #in short: i care gordon freeman and it Can Be That Deep #Anonymous

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juiceastronaut · 3 years

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Okay so. I watched Q-force. And I have no idea what I think about it.

Imma just be rambling so I'll break down the characters and my likes/dislikes about them before giving my plot breakdown at the end. Only the main/prominent ones because I don't have time.

Steve Maryweather-Easily the best character out of them, with Deb being a close second. He could've very easily fallen into the trope of being someone who was incompetent but expected the world anyway, but he doesn't. He graduated top of his class, and despite his quirks is a genuinely competent team leader, and wants the best for his team. He wants to prove that he and his team are competent enough to get recognition, and has a genuine faith in the people around him. It was refreshing to see him hold his team in a genuine high regard, where a lot of times it's like "We're shit but lets do this thing now" He's a genuinely well-rounded character, and (and forgive me if this isn't the best way to frame this) it feels like being gay is an important part of his character, without encompassing the whole thing. I thought Benji and his relationship was super cute and I was sad when they broke up. I was afraid he was going to be, like a second but worse Twink with the stereotyping but gladly fell away from that.

Deb-I thought her and her wife were super cute (though I hate how the wife is designed ngl adjafkldajfd). I liked Debs character, but I feel like she had a lot of racial stereotyping that wouldn't be inherently obvious unless you were looking for them, her being the strong one, and also the "mama" type at the same time. No one treated her with disrespect, and her lesbianism seemed to be more authentic but I feel like there wasn't a lot of thought put into what these tropes were and why they were bad. Her being black and making her the mama type, as well as the big strong type could be read as tasteless. Again, I really liked her character but these were some things I noticed while watching.

Twink- You know, I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was the epitome of all the bad stereotyping (though I'm just glad him and Mary didn't get put into the same category). His humor isn't my taste, and it just kinda seemed like someone for half of his lines went "what twitter stan language can we put in here?" And sometimes it was a bit too random for my tastes. However! I do like that his drag was considered important and was an integral part to a lot of missions they went on, and not just "Ah look at that dumb gay trying to find reasons to dress in drag." His talents and expertise were both respected and, save for Buck (which his whole point was supposed to be offensive anyway) no one undermined Twink for his femininity. His back story is also kinda random but did play a role in the missions as well. Still, personally think he's the worst character. Plus, he's French so minus four-twenties amount of points.

Stat-You know, in a show where everyone was stating what letter they were every few seconds I was surprised that I had to look up that Stat was trans. I...liked her character for the most part, except the part where she was fucking a robot. Kinda weird ngl, outta left field, and with her being trans I wonder if her having that sort of relationship is problematic for her. Love her design tho, love me a hacker girl. She's also listed as "ambiguously gay" tho showed to have mostly girl love interests but, okay.

Buck-He's the straight guy, emotionally repressed haha and he's bigoted. Did think it was funny later on when he was more "accepting" but managed to be even more infuriating about it. Tied with Twink as worse character but you know they tried to do stuff with him.

Vee-Really liked me a boss lady, but kinda weird how they bait-and-switched us with her actually being a lesbian, then go "no she's straight tho" in regards to Karen. I thought her and Mary's relationship was cute, wish I saw more of it. But she did feel like a random plot device in later seasons, what with her disappearing and reappearing when it was plot relevant. (Tho she HOTOHOTHOTHOT bikini episode WOOOWEEEE)

....

Okay, so now the plot....which. it had one?

It felt like it was flip flopping back n forth about whether it wanted to take itself seriously or not, and it seemed to decide on serious more towards the end, but then it would have this random plot element that would be so out of left field it would pull me out of my suspension of disbelief. See the whole "Back cracking to unlock memories" plot point. This back and forth on whether it would be a comedy or not I think weakened both categories it tried to play into.

If I had to compare the show to anything it would probably be Futurama, but the thing with Futurma is, its set in the future, so you're suspension of disbelief is allowed to stretch a bit more because all the wacky quirky stuff can be attributed to future shenanigans. Q-force, to my knowledge, is set in the modern day, which makes the wacky stuff that much wacker, because it's set in our modern times, which you apply the rules of everyday life to.

A lot of the problems that I had with Q-Force is, in the attempt to write specifically about the "gay experience" revealed that the writers have really only had a very specific experience of interacting with gay ppl, what I call the "Urban Gay" experience.

The fact they're in West Hollywood, and all the things that were listed as "universal gay experiences" but were only things that you'd be exposed to if you were in the city. I think a flavor of "white gay" can be implemented here too, which Q force has exactly one black woman, who manages to be the only lesbian.

That coupled with the fact that, there's a difference between having Twink naturally being a drag queen, the whole team being gay to some degree, and the fact they interact with the gay community often without Drawing Attention to all of those things and self-congratulating itself on concluding it. Funnily enough, Q-Force had examples of doing this right and doing this right. Right way: In the second or third episode where Mary found that guy with the flash drive to the uranium in it and seduced him in the gay bar. Relevant that it was gay without overtly drawing attention to it. Wrong-Way: Having Pride go on while Girl Boss was trying to take over the world.

And, for the show that promoted itself as representing the gay experience, there were...two gay men, one lesbian, one trans person, one straight guy and...no bisexual people. Also no nonbinary people. Like of course it's unrealistic to include every single identity but you're one bisexual person who appeared for one episode and was promptly blown up. And also showed to be...more off than the other characters, what with the stealing of silverware and all. Just, bisexual people are already forgotten enough as it is and not including them in the show, but you include two gay men just kinda reads as tasteless to me (as a bisexual person, obviously).

Which makes it so weird that Stat was left "ambiguously gay" when she could've easily been bisexual (which still would be problematic because of the robot-fucking but at least you got the B in there somewhere in the main group)

Overall, it tried to market itself as the "be all end all" of what it was like to be gay, but ended up excluding the exact people that get excluded in real-life lgbt spaces. This combined with the indecision with what kind of show it wanted to be managed to make it fall short. If you arent the very specific type of gay person who lives in a city environment and doesn't fit the stereotypes showed you're not going to feel "seen" by the show.

Weirdly though, I didn't hate watching it, and I would probably watch another season if they managed to make one. The parts that did work, I think worked really well, and even the bad parts just read as tasteless, and not actively terrible. If they focused less on making "hey I'm gay" jokes every three seconds and just let each character be what they are I think the show would be stronger for it. And I think they'd find less problems overall if they did that too. In the mean time I'll just be here side-eyeing the whole thing.

Edit: I forgot to mention, and this is a problem a lot of adult TV shows fall into, that because they got the clear to show nudity/sex they felt like they *had* to show nudity and to a lesser extent sex every episode. So just that whole "Haha adult=sex obviously."

Oh! And this generally goes for the whole "shove it in your face" part, but a lot of the characters who are bigoted were shown to be. Very blatantly so. And not to say there isn't blatantly bigoted ppl of course they are but I don't think that's where you see a lot of bigotry nowadays. This was sort of touched on during the show but more of a jokey manner, but I think it would've been more realistic if we had more "girl with a gay best friend" kinda bigotry as opposed to the "I'm literally hurling slurs at you" bigotry, especially since they're in Cali.

#like its a C+ I think #q-force #criticism #like there's a lot wrong with it but I thought it was kinda charming overall #like. you could have all those things that gays like in these characters but to every three seconds go #'i like this thing because I'm a lesbian'#just kinda got old after a while #juicy takes

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dirtyrottenraskel · 3 years

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my take on yueki's personalities

yue

notes / personality

cocky (but also like understated confidence - r e g a l af)

kind of a nerd

maybe a little entitled, and a little bratty and suki loves to indulge her or to rile her up depending on her mood

books

seems soft but made of steel

strong sense of duty

socially intelligent - can be manipulative and suki (the dork) thinks it is so hot

aloof queen bee typa beat

supportive, both in ur day to day and in going after your big moral life goals

deep water - steady and powerful, often underestimated

untold depths, private yet surprisingly nurturing - master of deflecting away from herself

political nerd - well read, and when she has someone she trusts not to take advantage of her, she goes OFF

distrusting of most people, has been used and ignored and underestimated her whole life

patient - homegirl knows how to play the long game

excellent at pai sho / chess

she and suki have epic battles of wits - dif types of strategy but both are really into it and get a little too competitive (multiple board games have had to be replaced over the years)

loves travel bc wasn’t allowed to much, esp when she was sick

was super repressed growing up - never let her be herself or really have any sort of independence

used to sneak out and wander around in rebellion and casually sabotage plans and decisions she didn’t agree with

introverted, many opinions but keeps them to herself, discreet but well spoken

weaponizes secrets and information - doesn’t often use it but...she could

definitlyyyyy worries and overthinks and re-evaluates - worries ab social politics a lot

obsessive about picking things - wants it to be perfect

shes growing into her confidence as a leader

prefers quite intimate places

incredibly romantic

classic lit

planner for the future - visionary

kind / sweet / gentle - yes, but that’s also her “front” to a degree (seriously, i feel like she gets painted as so sweet and submissive and one dimensional by the fandom a lot of times and it freakin kills me)

INFJ-T (The Advocate) ((yes this is from 16p which i know is not super accurate but u can still catch her overall vibes from it ya know)

Creative/insightful/principled/compassionate/altruistic

sensitive/reluctant to open up/perfectionist/prone to burnout/not a fan of the ordinary

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - puppy love crushes, laugh ab it now, get into deep late night talks about responsibilities and leading, water tribe culture, prank wars (no one believes sokka when he says yue is a mean prank master (expect suki comes to see it in action lol))

katara - <> badass women friendship, totally would go to matches and protests together, tough girl shit, waterbending practice/duels - start of cautious, but then get rough in a good way bc they trust each other, they do water tribe food adventures together

toph - indulges her chaos, bonding over stupid royal upbringings, odd yet weirdly endearing pair

zuko - both sort of standoffish gay royals, but once they come to see that they are friends - take up similar spaces though, so only hang out in a group or rarely by themselves, they do hang out at like political parties and stuff when they get more comfortable together

aang - <> he has an impressive world view, yue is super studied and well read, so she and aang nerd out over past cultures together, and also their peace keeping nature, they have tea together often - usually after she and katara wipe the floor w/ each other

clothing / aesthetic:

blues and pale colors

classy and understated wealth

like those cute feminine button down shirts

dresses

like cold weather classy

complicated braids

sort of soft girl aesthetic?

pleated skirts !!!

i feel like she would wear ethically sourced fur (i don’t wear fur but idk how to get it in an ethical way - maybe it’s just fake??)

knit sweaters and skinny jeans and heeled ankle boots

light academia !!!

hella funky earrings - to mark her native pride and also cuz gay

from my readings, tattoos have a lot of cultural significance for Inuit women, and so i feel like yue would totally have some (when she comes of age ofc)

suki

notes / personality

extroverted

also very strategic

more spontaneous tho - will totally calculate the odds in a spilt second in her head and then just go for it

like still a careful planner, but willing to say fuck it, yolo if it seems right

reflects on her mistakes, but more in like a healthy way - unless it was a leadership mistake, then it eats her up inside - worries more ab keeping her girls safe and making the right call

likes lively places

total bashful romantic

manages the present and the short term - realist

loves to do lists

a little punch happy - loves to make violent threats, but also does it out of excitement and she’s just a really physical person tbh

steady, can come off as stubborn and abrasive but she really just wants what’s best for everyone she loves

harsh on herself and worries about her girls a lot

always ends up in the oddest situations

totally would kick someone’s ass for being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc

dedicated to her training and her regime

not a great cook, but she can manage

would drink monsters

has a weird relationship with femininity - took her awhile to reconcile strength and toughness and being assertive and aggressive with also wanting to feel pretty and feminine and embracing being a girl and how those things can coincide and amplify each other

abandonment issues - parents absent/dead

was imprisoned - obvi she had several almost successful escape attempts, but she got really close to breaking

was incredibly independent really early, grew up really fast and tries to make up for that now by sometimes being reckless

tough/assertive/woman of action

dry sense of humor/sarcastic - not good at nickname/pun humor tho

practical/dedicated/strong-willed/direct/honest/reliable/loyal/patient

stubborn/judgmental/difficult to relax/difficulty expressing emotions/too selfless

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - <> man they’re like platonic soulmates - she beat him up, and now they spar all the time, totally funny and crack jokes all the time, go skating together, they do shitty art together, and then show their lovers after zuko and yue come back from their high society mixers, broke her out of prison, m/f friendship !!!

katara - also sparring buddies (suki will throw down at any literally moment (and tbh so will katara)), not close but will hang in a group - go to each other for advice

toph - <> listen these two wreak havoc together, they help each other out a lot, i feel like they’re shopping buddies (similar enough style to frequent the same shops) toph knows suki won’t judge her for wanting to feel pretty and suki knows toph will be honest, they are both blunt sarcastic assholes and get along like a house on fire

zuko - <> shows zuko how to like,,,enjoy things (and how to let go of some of that pressure to be always right and the adult and in charge bc they were raised with so much responsibility on their shoulders even tho they were just kids)? she is also super protective of him (once she trusts him), one of the only ppl who can match suki fully in hand to hand combat, both do the Disappointed Parent Look when the group falls into chaos, but by themselves, the two of them end up in hijinks

aang- suki enjoys his optimism and they’re just chill bros, they love exploring abandoned placed together

clothing / aesthetic

sporty and skater mixed

ripped jeans, crewnecks, vans

green and yellow and dark red

gym clothes/athleisure - lifting style gym clothes - cut off t-shirts and bike shorts

skirts too, likes to play into femininity

she’s a gold jewelry kinda girl - but stuff that won’t hinder her movements

necklaces that end in the hollow of her throat & occasionally rings

definitely cuffs all of her jeans (it’s just bisexual culture ya know)

so many crop tops - some came like that, some were more of a diy project

yueki’s relationship!!!

nerd/jock solidarity

feel the burden of responsibility and the weight on their shoulders

they create a safe space between them, full of trust and warmth and vulnerability

yue will read suki sappy passages from poetry books while suki polishes her fans

they slow dance in the kitchen a lot

they get good at ordering takeout - and they have some weird decision making process that only they understand - bc neither of them are great cooks

yue would feel jealous of suki and sokka, if it weren’t for how stupid in love sokka was with zuko and yue can see that suki really only has eyes for her

yue is taller than suki and it amuses her to no end to pick suki up and carry her away from a fight (we all know suki could get away if she wanted to, but when ur hot tall sexy gf throws u over her shoulder,,,,,,u don’t complain)

joke they’ve adopted kataang and zukka, bc they’re all dummies, but in reality every last one of them is stupid LMAO

they love to do each other’s hair and it’s like super intimate and really cute

sometimes it’s these epic elaborate hairstyles and then at other times, they try to see how many ponytails they can fit on suki’s head and how many little braid yue can do

they travel EVERYWHERE

since yue is royalty and suki is her body guard,,,, well i mean, they totally have to see these kingdoms they are doing trade deals with in person

it helps that they're friends with a lot of them

they stay over in everything from camping so they can stargaze to ritzy hotels with hot tubs in the bathroom

yue gives suki rocks she finds on all their travels and suki lines them up on their mantle around the pictures of them in increasingly weird locations

suki loves guarding yue’s meetings bc she gets to watch her absolutely rip a new one into misogynistic old men and it never fails to bring her joy

While yue doesn’t love getting attacked, the ruthless efficiency suki defends her with is like,,,,,stupid attractive

#wow this got long #this is a mix of modern au and canon verse headcanons #but yeah #let these girls have more dimension than just soft uwu gfs #esp yue #yueki #headcanon #atla #yue #suki #yue x suki #wlw #zukka #kataang #sapphic

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rat-shark · 2 years

Note

please.... can you go more into detail about ed's riddler persona from your recent headcanons? this conversion therapy hc makes so much sense omg

all my life I've waited for this moment....... someone wants to know my stupid little headcanons

// brief mentions of conversion therapy

so this theory could work with both riddler as an alter or riddler as a persona/manifestation of Ed's subconscious/sexuality but I'm gonna start with kinda explaining the first one uhh

So if you consider Riddler an alter, it would be possible that Riddler was the only one that explored his sexuality and/or Ed was the only one who had to go through conversion therapy (meaning the other one wasn't fronting while that was happening). Also I guess it would be possible that Ed is straight and Riddler is bi but uhhhh no, I don't think so

BUT if you consider Riddler a manifestation of Ed's subconscious/a persona it still makes sense. Riddler is more flamboyant, dramatic, dare I say gayer than Ed. He firsts manifests when Ed starts being a little insecure bitch when hitting on Kristen and then continues to be more and more active as Ed doubts himself and his masculinity, then when he eventually kills Kristen, which brings an end to his VERY straight relationship (which is also implied to be his first relationship with a woman) - this could be read as his "oh shit I didn't actually like her that much" - because Kristen seemed perfect for Ed. He chose a random woman who he "should" be in love with, barely knowing her beforehand and then forced himself to like her, to obsess over her.

Then he keeps riddlering when he's convinced that love (implied - a woman's love) just ain't for him. He stays like that for a while (and I mean it - A WHILE), convinced that he will never enter a relationship with a woman again up until.... Isabella

I know that sometimes the line between Riddler and Ed gets blurry but I'm convinced that the Isabella bullshit was 100% Ed. Riddler only started showing when she reminded him of Kristen too much and he had to be like "yo I thought I wasn't gonna do this anymore". Isabella is him kind of "relapsing" into his old way of finding a woman who, on paper, should be ideal and then convincing himself he loves her.

And then he goes full Riddler when he starts suspecting Oswald may have feelings for him, later being assured in his suspicion. He starts riddlering the moment he has to think about another man being in love with him. It only gets worse when he kills Os and realizes how much he misses him (and that he also loved him but was too dumb to realize it 🙃)

He's Riddler when he misses Oswald and he's Riddler when he learns Oswald is alive, which coincidentally is also when Os is living in his mind rent free

He only stops riddlering after he has to come to terms with the fact he's not smart anymore (and kinda gives up on Oswald). When he's in the narrows with Lee he, once again, goes back to being Ed and he forces himself to *be Ed* around her, even if that's not who he really is, thinking that this is what Lee would prefer (idk sounds like being closeted to me). The thing that "sets Riddler free" is..... *drumroll* Oswald! (whom I believe Ed is like fully in love with). He stops repressing his true self after that and starts loving Lee in a full, true way (because he's bisexual 😩), not forcing himself to act according to her expectations, but showing his true self. If you think about it, it makes sense that Lee would be the only woman he's actually loved for real, because she wasn't anything like Kristen or Isabella, she wasn't a perfect archetype that Ed felt obligated to be attracted to.

Shit goes south blah blah blah he's the Riddler again when he's building the submarine with Oswald because he LOVES HIM and then he stays Riddler for the rest of Gotham, finally having accepted his sexuality, the end

conclusion, Ed is closeted and Riddler is a raging bisexual thank you for coming to my ted talk

#gotham headcanon #ed nygma #riddler #Gotham #edward nygma

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chaoticlarrie · 4 years

Text

Watching spn for the 1st time in 2020 - Bisexual Dean

or,

How supernatural queerbaited itself into destroying the bi-erasure pit of darkness and i think it’s beautiful (in its own fucked-up way).

(apologies in advance for my crude language)

So I’m still in mid season 8 of spn and haven’t watch the rest but I had some thoughts about the clusterfuck that is Dean’s sexuality.

It seems like Dean was meant to be straight? I don’t think the creators/producers/writers, in the beginning, meant for Dean to be queer. To be honest I don’t even think they questioned it one second. If I’m wrong please correct me. Did the creator, Kripke, ever made a comment about Dean’s sexuality?

So the character is heavily presented as liking girls, wanting girls, banging chicks left and right (and all the girls he meets want to fuck him?? though i get it...). He wants to see female strippers, go to brothels, likes magazine porns, video porns, anime porns...

But at the same time Dean, actually, genuinely, regularly checks out guys ??

So we have : the guys he checks out, the doctor sexy thing, the fetish for male cowboy wear, the seducing of a guy with his words when the lesbian couldn’t do it ?? the siren who lures him by being a guy who’s into led zepplin and it works ????

So the creators didn’t meant for Dean to be queer and apparently the actor neither yet he is heavily queer coded ??

Apparently you can unintentionally be queercoding your own character ?!

Also, all of this is even without bringing up Castiel, so ...

And almost every time we have a brief apparition of queer Dean, you have in the next scene or so a big reinforcement of the “Dean wants to bang chicks” narrative.

And here’s my theory (as I said before, I haven’t seen the whole show yet so I may be wrong here, it’s just an outsider of the fandom pov but i’m open to corrections):

When realizing the potential of queerbaiting that they could do with the destiel situation, they reinforced the queercoding on Dean so the shipper audience could hope for a not totally straight Dean, while the general audience kept perceiving a totally, 100% straight Dean (queerbaiting at its finest, you’ve got to give it to them).

And it worked thanks to a marvelous little thing called bi-erasure. Almost every straight person do not understand that bisexuality is a real thing and not a stepping stone towards more gayer things. (Sadly enough, it’s also the case of a lot of gays and lesbians but that’s another conversation). So in their mind, (the general, straighter, public), as long as Dean was interested in girls, he couldn’t be possibly interested in guys. You could show him eye fucking Castiel all you want, if he reads an asian ladies porn magazine in the next scene, it means he’s straight (bi-erasure is a powerful thing I tell ya).

And if you think that’s not true, that people know about bisexuality and are able to put 2 and 2 together, well you would be wrong. The visibility of bisexuals really improved in the last 3/2 years but here I’m talking about 2013 and before (season 8 and before) and trust me, the kids were not that woke, I was one of those erased bisexual.

I even suspect the creators, writers, producers, not considering that bisexuality was a serious possible sexual orientation and therefore queercoding Dean “risk free” of being perceived too gay.

It probably sounds crazy for the gen-z (and thank god) but I swear that I lived my teenager years in a time were all bi guys were secretly gay and all bi girls just straight attention whores (you can notice how this joyful narrative comes from males being persuaded that everyone secretly want their dick...). Anyway, at the time, the general idea is that a guy who genuinely wants to bang chicks can not possibly want to bang dudes.

And that’s how they made the “totally straight eye fucking dudes Dean Winchester” work.

And here i’m extrapolating cause I haven’t seen the later seasons but my guess is that the years pass, the seasons keep being produced and they just kept the destiel queerbainting to cater to the hardcore fans (and the shippers, in every fandom, are always the hardcore fans, let’s not kid ourselves) without ever having the intention to make it canon.

But in the end, we come to a point where Dean has been queer coded for so many years, his relationship with Cas so emphasized, the general public made aware of the possibility of bi characters, that the only logical explanation is that Dean is genuinely in love with Castiel, and bi, and at this point, not making Destiel canon feels weird and homophobic.

Also, the idea of Dean being a kinda-repressed, semi-closeted, complete disaster bi makes SO much sense considering the character background, upbringing and current environment (like, seriously, the hunter community is not lgbt friendly...). Hell, I live in a big city in europe with liberals all over amongst family and friends and I’m not even fully out yet well in my twenties. You can’t expect childhood trauma, emotionally abused, ultra conservative and “manly” environnement Dean to get his shit together right away when he realizes he likes guys.

Anyway, all of that to say, that I don’t care if Dean is meant to be canonically bi or not, to me he is. Because I identify with the character heavily, and I love him and want to protect him and I don’t take arguments on that. I love the character that was created and evolved throughout the years, no matter if it is what he was meant to be or if it was unintentional (I did not expect to get emotionally involved in my “ironic” watch of spn in 2020 but fuck.)

As always, my sympathy to the spn fandom and my ever lasting admiration for the bullshit they endured through the years.

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agentmarymargaretskitz · 3 years

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So... I was kinda disappointed with Buck Begins... NOT ENTIRELY. Just...

Major spoilers ahead. You should definitely watch the episode before reading my complaints... because I have a lot of them, and you shouldn't have the negative thoughts going into it...

But I'm gonna start with the good stuff.

The Buckley Siblings are everything to me. I love their relationship, and watching Buck grow up with Maddie protecting him? *chef's kiss* Perfection.

Buck being a daredevil because it was the only time that he got positive attention from his parents as a child? Absolutely heartbreaking and I hate his parents for *so much* for that.

Maddie doing whatever she could to help her baby brother, even when she was terrified and probably knew how bad it was going to get? I love her with my whole heart.

And I absolutely love the way they highlighted their relationship and how important Maddie is to Buck.

The moment when the team comes in to help Buck and save him and the other person? Cinematic excellence, I applaud them for that scene. His team loves him and will always have his back, and he *knows* that now.

And now for my grievances and where I think they missed the target...

It focused on Maddie too much for a "Buck Begins" episode. I get that she's a huge part of his life and that she would be in the childhood flashbacks, but even once Buck was out on his own, all we got to see were the postcards (with handwriting that did not look At All like Buck's handwriting, might I add) and the one scene of Buck bartending in Peru where he decided to move to LA and become a firefighter.

We already basically got a Maddie Begins episode, when Doug came back and kidnapped her. I didn't need another one. (I love Maddie and I loved the flashbacks, but... it just should have focused more on Buck. It was his episode, after all.)

We should have gotten to actually *see* what Buck did with his life before he made it to LA. They could have shown Maddie receiving a postcard, then done a montage with a shot of Buck writing one of the postcards. That montage focused more on Maddie than it did on Buck, which kind of frustrated me.

And then in present day? They made such a big deal about the family secret, and it just fizzled out. Like it didn't matter anymore. And I honestly don't see them doing much more with it, unless (God forbid) in a later season the Madney baby gets leukemia or something and Buck is a perfect match to save his niece. (Actually I could see them doing that and I would definitely cry. That would maybe give them a pass with this plot thread.)

Then with the factory fire? Idk, it didn't feel intense enough for me. NOT that I wanted Buck to horribly suffer more, but... Eddie being buried alive in his episode was So Much More Intense. Chimney's episode happened while he was literally bleeding nearly to death. I was hoping for more.

And maybe it has something to do with the lack of reaction from the entire team when the building exploded. Not only did we not see Eddie panic, even briefly, about Buck being trapped, we didn't see Bobby or Chimney of Hen panic either! Bobby sees Buck as a son, this is basically canon now. And Chimney and Hen see him as their little brother.

The exploding ladder truck and the tsunami both felt way more intense for Buck than the factory fire in this episode.

And then to top it off, NOBODY GAVE BUCK A HUG AFTER THR FACTORY FIRE! And Eddie and Chimney weren't even there by the ambulance! Like, what the fuck? Yes, Bobby, Athena, and Hen told him what he needed to hear, but they all should have been there! Supporting him! Where were they???

Also, they missed the perfect opportunity to casually make Buck canonically bisexual. Instead of meeting a girl who taught him how to surf, he could have met a guy. Then things didn't work out, just like they didn't with the girl.

UGH, these writers! They're either *really* amazing or *really* miss the important stuff... there was so much potential, and they just wasted it!

Anyway, enough of my ranting. I did enjoy the episode, but it was definitely not the best Begins episode in my opinion.

What are your thoughts? I clearly have too many.

-Quarantine Anon

So I just finished watching. Spoilers beneath the cut

So here’s what I knew going into this- everyone was going wild with theories and ideas and great fics of what was going to play out. Which is great. But I do think it got hyped up because of that.

The flashbacks to the Buckley childhood hurt so much. Margaret seemed to take it out on Evan so much because in her eyes- he failed her by not saving Daniel. BEGONE, Margaret! You can’t put that on your child if your own plan was to use the child to save a sibling and then deem him not deserving of love because of nature and genetics. But Maddie and Buck? I love a pair of siblings while being in agony over the hells they’ve walked through.

The use of ‘So Far’ and the team helping him? Poetic cinema. I felt so many emotions and had a bit of a cry.

I actually liked the postcards. I think if they had gone to film all of what he did, it would have gotten jammed packed. The bartender was stated in canon, so that felt worthy of a flashback (and oh wow, that was not the revelation I needed that I try to know cool things to impress cute people. Buck is not straight, I don’t care what anyone says). Plus, with Covid-19, I bet there would be some filming issues. Also, it felt the ups and downs in Buck’s postcards paralleled Maddie’s injuries from Doug. They were both lost thinking they were living, except they weren’t. It was all about survival. And the worst part is that sometimes, you will lull yourself into a sense that survival=living when that’s not the case. That’s what happened to the Buckleys I think.

We don’t know what’s to come, but the family secret might come up again in therapy. Which they better freaking continue and not drop like the Flash did.

On the factory fire- I think we hyped it up more than we expected. Eddie Begins and Chimney Begins were really serious episodes with their lives on the line. And I think about Buck talking about giving up after he gets out. He wasn’t going into this fire with a clear head. I think he saw himself as the replacement baby still who couldn’t ever live up, who couldn’t do things right. He wouldn’t leave despite ordered because that was showing Saleh he didn’t matter. To Buck, he did. He gets being left behind and in those situations, you’d rather someone else be happier and fine while you take the impact. Like the world would keep turning and everyone would be fine (eventually) after you left it.

The ladder truck and tsunami were physical pain. The factory fire was emotional pain. (which reminds me, I need to make a post about the element symbolism in Begins episodes)

If we didn’t see a hug in the episode, then we write the fic for it. Missing scenes can be created ;) Not to mention they’ve all still got work to get done on the scene. After events like that, I think everyone needed time to process it.

I get bisexual vibes off Buck big time in this episode. And I think there is repression and closeting that comes into play here. Your parents are constantly disappointed in you, so why disappoint them further? Bury it down deep and deeper who you really are. It was the attention-seeking that would work out for him. Also, bisexuality is more than one. You identify as bi and your partner uses she/her? Bi. Partner uses he/his? BI. Partner uses them/they? Still bi. (Also, how much do we know about the postcards he wrote. Maybe he didn’t give her the full story. There’s only so much room in a postcard and she was the one person in the world who still believed in him. Was he afraid to disappoint her?)

Overall, I did enjoy the episode. Eddie Begins always holds a special place in my heart as the first ever episode of 911 I saw enough of to get me interested in the show. The thing is that I can’t pit the Begins episodes against each other. They all show a journey in some way.

Hopefully this was coherant enough and I’m sorry for my little bisexual rant.

#anon #ask box #quarantine anon #911 #911 spoilers #evan buckley #maddie buckley #buckley siblings

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kiseiakhun · 4 years

Note

What are your feelings on Kyle/Jason/Wally. I kinda think it might happen if Kyle had a crush on both. Accidentally tells Wally. Teasing. Jason finding out. Jason and Wally overdramaticly flirting. Dick finds out and Kyle dying from the close proximity of both Jason/Wally Wally/Jason Jason/Kyle Wally/Kyle. And then Flirting/Showing off intensifying. Although I don't really know much about Wally or Kyle. ❤

RUBS HANDS TOGETHER

Hello? This is the greatest ask anyone’s ever sent me. Kyle is a lovey-dovey dumbass who falls in love after two seconds of knowing someone, so like. It’s real. It’s very real. He and Wally would’ve had their thing first? Because of their whole enemies to lovers arc in JL, except - because of that whole dynamic where they started off ragging on each other, I feel like they both would’ve been oblivious to their feelings. Add in a healthy dose of compulsory heterosexuality from Kyle, and yeah... the adults of the League have probably been waiting years for that ship to sail, except the babies just keep being oblivious dunderheads.

(Wally realized in his teen years that he’s not strictly heterosexual, because being on a team with Dick Grayson when you’re male tends to draw out any bent inclinations very, very quickly. It’s just. Kyle is the snot-nosed rookie too big for his britches. He’s a baby? He’s an infant. Wally is not attracted to an infant, wtf.)

And then Kyle goes off on his journey of self-discovery with Donna and Jason. Well, journey of self-discovery for him, because Jason’s ass and body and his devil-may-care tough guy attitude is the culmination of Kyle’s bisexual crisis. Seriously, countdown is basically Kyle going “ugh, that stupid hot sexy asshole is so hot and sexy around Donna, there’s no way she can resist him. Why is he attractive? He needs to stop. I’m going to fight him because he’s TOO HOT.” It’s incredible. If the writers weren’t cowards, countdown would’ve ended with them being in a triad.

Donna’s probably the one who points out that mayhaps... Kyle’s constant mooning over Jason might mean something different... and Kyle’s like wtf, no. And then he actually thinks about it, because Kyle’s one of maybe two (2) men in the dcu who has a semblance of emotional intelligence (idk who the other one is, but I’m sure he’s out there) (edit: it’s Connor. Connor Hawke. Connor is the other man. I was going to say Clark but Clark keeps going to extremes whenever he or his are threatened and. like. he tries, bless his heart, but there’s still a lot of repression going on with him) and he’s like wait. Fuck. Well what do I do with this information!! It’s not like Jason is into guys!!!

To which Donna just looks at him like, how are you so smart yet so stupid at the same time. She remembers how baby Jason mooned over Roy and Dick as much as he mooned over her. She Remembers.

(Also, lbr, Donna’s very experienced by now at dealing with dumb boys in denial about their non-het leanings. See previous statements about being on a team with Dick Grayson. She saw all of it, man. She’s seen so much.)

Cue Kyle, sitting bolt upright in bed after they’ve just wound down for the night and just saying, “Oh my god, Wally.”

And Donna’s just like, yup.

And Jason’s just like ? wtf is that asshole up to now. Whatever, idc, blissfully unaware of Kyle’s bi panic.

Anyway. The world is saved, and they get back to their Earth, and Kyle manages to put it aside because Everything Happens So Much. He’s the Green fking Lantern, okay, he doesn’t have time to deal with sexuality crises, except. Except. It won’t leave him alone?

Like, in his downtime he hangs out with Wally a lot since they’re friends, and oh yes, hello raging crush that he can no longer pretend isn’t a thing, because once Kyle acknowledges his attraction? That is it, man, there’s no turning back from that point. And ik that in canon, Jason threw a snitfit and left Kyle and Donna in the middle of their happy fun space adventure fieldtrip, but let’s say he didn’t have a sudden ooc personality turn because of writer mandate, and he stayed with Kyle and Donna until the end of their journey, and they stayed in touch.

And Kyle realizes, to his horror, that Jason is charming, and funny, and not bad on the eyes, and fuuuuck. This isn’t really helping his stupid dumb crush. Stupid dumb crushes. Goddamn.

(Sometimes Jason even joins him in his Space Adventures because of his new team. More specifically, Kori and her shiny new spaceship that can sustain humans in space conditions, and he is not jealous, shut up, Roy.)

(Roy caught on pretty quickly, because he’s much more empathetic and in tune with other peoples emotions than he pretends to be 90% of the time. Unfortunately, he only uses his powers for chaos.)

Ofc, Wally would start getting curious about Jason eventually because suddenly this kid is fucking everywhere? Dick’s calling on him for intel in the middle of a firefight, and he’s ragging on Roy’s atrocious dress sense, and he’s joking with Donna and Kyle’s giving him the same shit that he used to give to Wally, excuse me. Wasn’t he a villain or something? The last time Wally paid attention to him, he was sawing heads off in Gotham, and now Wally can’t seem to turn without tripping over him. When the fuck did that even happen?

(I’m not sure if Wally ever met Robin!Jason. Hm. Were Jason’s guest-appearances on the team during when Wally was pulling one of his stints of... I don’t WANT to be a hero, I want to be a NORMAL BOY who goes to COLLEGE, even though I literally re-created the Flash’s lab accident down to the letter just so I can have his powers and be a hero and save the world? ... ykw, we don’t acknowledge that era of Wally. This was back when he was a meninist incel or something. Ick.)

... and damn, Wally really can trip over him now, huh. Because he sure did grow up big, and strong, and rugged, and haha fuck now Dick is starting to glare at him, too, and not just at Roy, abort, abort.

...... Wally does attempt to subtly ask Roy, later, if there’s any truth to the statements about him and Jason and Kori that Roy says to Dick to get him all riled up. I say “attempt to” because Wally is bad at subtlety. It’s part of why he and Kyle get along so well. Roy realizes what he’s asking and he about has an apoplexy because Wally? Wally? Now there’s a surprise contender he did not expect, tossing his hat into the ring.

But also. Also... hot.

Roy and Kori are watching all of this while munching popcorn like damn, this is better than TV. Because Kyle’s having his crisis, his Love crisis, and Wally’s having his oh my god why do I find my best friend’s little brother hot crisis, and Jason is just happily oblivious to all of this, because he’s too busy angsting over his dad not loving him enough and dismantling trafficking rings and being the big, bad scourge of Gotham to notice Kyle pining after him like a lovelorn puppy, and Wally eyeing him appreciatively like he hasn’t eaten in a whole hour and Jason is a tender piece of marbled steak roasted on both sides to perfection. He does notice the way Kyle and Wally look at each other, though, because he’s only observant when it comes to the positive emotions of other people. And he is not stepping in the middle of that, tyvm, because from what Roy’s told him the two of them have a looooong history and he does not want to get caught in the middle of that crossfire.

Roy and Kori are both like, what makes you think it’s going to get messy, anyway? And Jason, whose real world examples of functioning relationships are 1. Willis and Catherine Todd, 2. Bruce and Selina, 3. Bruce and Talia, 4. Dick and all his exes, 5. Roy and all of his not-exes because he doesn’t date but people keep falling in love with him anyway and he panics and ghosts them because he is Roy William Commitment Issues Harper, 6. Kori and whatever the fuck she’s got going on with Dick and like, an ex? back on Tamaran? who she might still be married to?? what the fuck, 7. Kyle and Donna and their messy breakup(s)(?) (Jason doesn’t ask, because he Does Not Want To Know) (he’s too busy repressing to realize it’s half because of jealousy), is just like, that’s just how things go.

And Roy and Kori, both having mentally run through all of those ^ options while Jason was thinking of a response, are just like. ... yeah, alright, that’s fair enough.

God, every single relationship in DC is a mess.

Where was I even going with this?

Oh, right. Basically, Kyle is pining like a lovelorn idiot, Wally doesn’t know what the fuck he’s feeling and it’s making him confused, and Jason is ignoring his feelings because maybe if he just represses them hard enough, they won’t spill over and punch him in the face. Honestly, I see Wally making the first move, because his inadequacy issues don’t run as deep as Jason and Kyle’s do, and Kyle’s just like :D and Jason’s like, what the fuck. What the fuck? Because it literally blindsides him, even though it’s stupidly, painfully obvious to everyone else around him.

Either that, or Roy gets sick enough of watching their lovelorn pining, and employs Dick’s help to lock them all in a closet, naked, and fuck it out.

(Dick doesn’t actually disapprove of Jason sleeping with his friends, he just needs to get over his mental block of still seeing Jason as a baby)

Anyway. They’re all a whole-ass mess.

#holy shit this got long #also I just realized I didn't follow the scenario you suggested I'm sorry #them being Fucking Dumbasses pushed out the sexy fluff #hoodflash #jaykyle #flashtorch #jaykylewally #I'm just going to start listing three+ pairings alphabetically now #jason todd #kyle rayner #wally west #roy harper #kori #donna troy #ficlets #asks #bless you for this question #you know what I'm about #redtwomuch

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404-not-found-xix · 3 years

Text

Head-cannon List

Includes:

Host Elliot Alderson, Mastermind, Mr. Robot, Darlene Alderson, Tyrell Wellick, and Joanna Wellick

Mastermind/Host Elliot Alderson:

- Elliot was and still is a fan of 90′s experimental electronic music. He enjoys artists like: Tangerine Dream, Aphex Twin, and The Field.

- If he had a favorite artist, it would be the video artist Nam June Paik. He’s a pioneer of video art, blending ideas about identity, culture, technology, and communication together. There’s some other video artists out there he really love, but he has a soft spot for Paik. When he was a kid and stumbled into an art museum, he was blown away. He never thought about combining technology and art in that way. It stuck with him.

- He also enjoys Bruce Nauman. His work explores the idea of human performance in American society.

- Tron and Blade Runner are some of his favorite childhood movies. Blockbuster was one of their favorites stores to go to as kids.

- He’s not a fan of gory movies unless they’re so fake it’s cheesy.

- He really doesn’t enjoy being scared. He would yell at Darlene when she would try and spook him as a kid. It messed with his DID symptoms.

- When his DID was first expression itself, it was very emotionally disruptive for him. Sometimes he would teeter between emotional repression, dissociation, and a mental break down. Host Elliot Alderson would try and keep these emotions private- hidden away from his sister and mother.

- Host was very fearful of his own emotions. And afraid it would make Darlene upset, the one person he truly, truly cared about. He wanted to protect her from himself.

- Host decides to tell Darlene about his sexual abuse once he is an adult. This all happens after S4 as he starts to unpack everything that happened last year. Krista is crucial in this process, as he begins to work with and talk to his alters in the same room.

- Host still has social anxiety/issues after S4, but slowly he learns to make peace with his/alters actions and forgive them. He eventually becomes the quiet social introvert he was meant to be and becomes happy with his life.

- Host likes Macs. The alters poke fun at him and give him shit sometimes for it but stands firm. “The layout is streamlined and easy to use”. Mastermind and Mr. Robot both roll their eyes. They’re hardcore Linux stans.

- All the Alters are still around, but they co-exist with the host. They’re there if he calls upon them, or they sit around if they think Host needs it. Sometimes they like to pop out and hang out, have a cup of imaginary coffee or cigarette. They keep eachother company.

- Alters don’t take over Hosts body out of respect and their love for him. They are guardians for the person they hold precious.

Darlene Alderson:

- Was a rebellious party grunge girl in high school. She battled between wanting to be a normal, happy girl, and wanting an escape from her troubled home. Going at a night became an easy way to do this. She went on late night drives, smoking pot out in the woods, and doing shrooms once in a while. She has taken adderall to stay awake at school. It worked for a while, she was messed up during messed up times. It doesn’t make her a messed up person.

- She didn’t try cocaine until almost the end of high school.

- She actually has a soft spot for plushies but doesn’t normally buy them. But boy are they cute!

- Prefers gummy bears with her fro-yo. Usually adds waffle cone pieces to her mix.

- She is a loyal buyer of camel Turkish gold cigarettes. Menthol’s during the summer.

- A fan of Daft Punk, but has since moved on with EDM scene to keep up with the times. Her brother? Totally out of sync. He’s too rebellious to want to like current music. He’d rather stick to lesser-known, more eccentric music.

- Secretly had feelings for Angela Moss as a kid. She kept it to herself because her friendship for her and her bother meant the world to her. She didn’t want to let that go, especially since they’ve been friends since childhood. She knew she would find love elsewhere later on in life.

- Darlene hasn’t dated a girl before, but she wants too. Her flings never stuck, and sometimes, it’s easier to catch tail from a guy than it is a girl. There’s more straight men out there, it’s easy pickin’.

- She wishes she’d get married to a women. She wants to continue growing this side of herself. And, women are beautiful, sweet, and incredible people. And, they get each other. They know what it’s like being a queer women in a gross heteronormative cisgender world !

- Is very bisexual. She doesn’t really care what’s in your pants, she cares about the heart of the person and if she’s attracted to them.

- Supports Host’s “Pro-Mac” stance. Iphones are better to hack with, they’re faster than an Android. But she uses a non-Mac laptop for hacking. She prefers a customized step-up.

Tyrell Wellick (if still alive):

- Has bipolar disorder that hasn’t been clinically diagnosed. Throughout the show he expresses major mood swings, decreased need for sleep, increased self-esteem/grandiosity, increased goal-activity, agitation, and engages in self destructive behavior. Bipolar disorder often has a manic/depressive swing to the person’s behavior, but not all people exhibit depressive episodes. Tyrell has this, and clearly isn’t on any medication either. The man was so hyper focused on being the next CTO, he thought this was fine. It’s apart of the stress, the life, and the consequences of his choices. He’s a business man.

- Wellick just switched from a KDE system to a GNOME.

- He supports whatever Host’s want. He’s still kinda crushed that the Elliot he knew is an alter. But at least he has a second change with this ‘Host’ Elliot. He seems a lot calmer and is happier than the others. For that, he is joyful.

- Is bisexual with an inclination for men. Also, attracted to people who are strong and assert their power. That’s how he and Joanna got along so well.

- Still loves his son very much and is very upset that Joanna’s family has taken his son from him. He’s working on himself and his career, to prove to them he can be a good father and raise him. He’s made a clear shift from prioritizing his work life, to his personal life.

#Okay #this is a good crack at headcanons #mr. robot #elliot alderson #mastermind #darlene alderson #tyrell wellick #joanna wellick #excuse my spelling mistakes #host elliot alderson #headcanon

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autym73 · 4 years

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No one asked but here are some of my Payton hc's because i seem to get really attached to characters played by Ben Platt:

• Payton is addicted to caffine. He cannot surive a day without at least three to five cups of straight black coffee.

• Continuing from the last one, Payton's got really bad insomia. He's usually up for hours doing schoolwork, research, or whatever he does to be productive. It's not rare for him to pull an accidental all-nighter.

• On a similar note, he also occasionally skips meals on accident because he loses track of time

• He diets hard. He doesn't have time to really exercise so he's very strict on what he's allowed to eat.

• His hair is naturally curly, but he straightens it often to appear more "formal".

• He was a theatre nerd when he was younger, but he forced himself to separate himself from it so he could focus on politics.

• Payton never wears his "clothing of choice", and instead taking on a more professional wardrobe like we see on the show.

• He really likes some overalls, my dudes.

• When he first realized that he wasn't straight, he was in middle school watching a movie with James and commented on how attractive a character was. James had looked at him weird and Payton's reaction was basically "wait, people usually don't find the same gender that attractive?"

• But River was his true bisexual awakening.

• After his little relelation with James, Payton's internalized homophobia really kicked in. The Hobarts, (particularly Keaton, Martin and Luther) were the type of people who didn't mind gay people but if someone in their family was gay...

• Payton learned to repress things a lot. His emotions, his sexuality, his thoughts, ect.

• He was in his twenties when he was finally diagnosed with OCD, simply because he had learned to repress and mask.

• His biological family is Jewish, and the only way the knows that is a blanket that he was given before being put up for adoption. He follows the religion losely, but celebrates the holidays and believes in the general morals. It's some way for him to be connected with his biological family.

•He was put up for adoption a few weeks after being born. I have a whole other headcanon about his biological family that I won't get into here. He went through the foster care system, often getting placed in and out of homes. Some abusive, some not. He was adopted at age 7 by the Hobarts.

• Payton's insecure about all of it. He never tells anyone that he is adopted unless it is necessary. McAfee still doesn't know, and Alice only found out when his mother had let it slip. James had known since the beginning, as his family was close to Payton's.

• Payton's a cat person.

(Hobarkley Hc's)

• He will deny it to the end of the earth, but he's a sucker for attention and affection.

• He melts whenever River compliments him, and sometimes River will list off what he likes about Payton and he becomes a ball of jelly.

• When he and River had first started dating, he was very hesitant to give any physical affection. Alice didn't like that type of affection that much, and when River had pulled him into his arms after their first time, Paytons mind just went to static.

• Whenever their alone, he's try to inch his way into River's arms.

•But he avoids PDA like the plauge.

• Payton often cries when they have a sweet moment together.

• He finds himself being more submissive in their relationship. At first, he tries to change that, but then stops as he realized that it's what he needed.

• River takes care of him, and being vulnerable and submissive to him just feels natual to Payton.

• Payton sleeps better if he knows River is nearby or safe.

• If River needs sometime to be cared for, you know damn well Payton's gonna do anything for him.

• He blush. Blush a bunch. He go 😳😳

• River had found out about Payton's hair when they lost power for a few days and he couldn't straighten his hair.

• Since then, River's been trying to get Payton to stop straightening his hair.

• Payton's the little spoon 80% of the time.

• But he gets a bit of a powere rush when he's the big spoon.

(Kinda nsfw hc's)

• When he and River started doing the sex, Payton tried to be the dom and/or top, but as he was able to break down his toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia, he found that he enjoys bottoming a lot.

• River's a bit of a horny boi. Payton doesn't mind.

• Payton has a humiliation and a praise kink.

• River's usually not comfortable with talking down to Payton, but when he get's into the dom headspace, he happily calls Payton names.

• River really likes to play with Payton, edging and teasing until he can't take it.

• They're very experimental, as they have tried various types of BDSM, some roleplay, and various toy use.

• They're both switches! I've kinda made it out to seem that Payton's the bottom, but they switch often!

• They love leaving marks on each other.

• "Limp? What limp?"

Ahh yes thats it for now. I'm curious to know all of your head canons too!! If you wanna talk about em, you can message me!

#ben platt #payton hobart #the politician #river barkley #david corenswet #hobarkley #the politican netflix #the politican season 2 #payton x river

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exhaustedfander · 4 years

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First Comes Love: Chapter Eight

a03 link

Link to previous story in the series: When is Enough Enough?

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / ?

TW for homophobia/mention of homophobic parents as well as what can be considered a brief mention to religion, but it's nothing too specific.

Remus woke suddenly. Not in a jarring way, but merely an abrupt return to consciousness, an odd thing considering he was usually such a heavy sleeper. It was a Sunday, one he’d anticipated would be spent celebrating their engagement, but alas.

He certainly hadn’t slept well, not that it seemed Logan had fared much better. His boyfriend had tossed and turned beside him all night, just a touch away, yet they hadn’t held each other. Remus blamed it on the sour taste in his mouth left from, well, everything that had happened last night.

He’d been moments away from proposing to Logan before Patton’s phone had rung and everything came crashing down. But if he was honest with himself, and he always was, things had seemed off even before then. Remus had been nervous, understandably so, but Logan had seemed upset too. He’d been spaced out and noticeably agitated, and Remus couldn’t explain it. He hadn’t had the chance to ask, either, not after what had happened to Patton and the party’s abrupt end.

Remus had known, vaguely, of the complication in Patton’s relationship with his parents. He hadn’t been Patton’s friend long, not till after the accident and Logan’s admission to their relationship when he’d been welcomed into the friend group. Those moments from mere months ago felt like they’d occurred forever ago; he felt as though he’d been friends with Patton and the others far longer than he had.

Patton could be a bit much sometimes, with his happy, peppy personality and nonstop puns as well as some of his more deep-seated black and white beliefs. But that didn’t stop Remus and Patton from getting along for the most part. Patton would laugh at some of Remus’s more inappropriate jokes if a bit uncomfortably. He’d even offered to read one of Remus’s books; Janus told him in private how it had given him nightmares and he hadn’t been sure if he should be proud of sad to have upset him. The point was, Patton was one of the kindest, most loving people Remus had ever known, and yet his parents were throwing him away like he meant nothing.

Remus could certainly relate to that sentiment.

He avoided thinking about his upbringing as much as he could, but repressing the memories did little good. To put it lightly, Remus’s parents were complete assholes. Always had been, always would be, as far as he was concerned. Remus was surprised it took into early adulthood for them to officially disown him and Roman, considering how much Remus had pushed their patience. He’d never been good at hiding things about himself, even when it was in his best interest to do so, and as such, Remus had done little to cover up his bisexuality.

Roman was the one who did pretending the best, but he supposed that was expected of an actor. Roman had multiple girlfriends throughout high school, going through the whole song and dance of it. Remus had simply never had the energy for the charade. He didn’t blame Roman for doing it; their parents were brutal, desperate to push “salvation” upon them, doing everything their power to raise the sons they wanted. It was tough, looking back on those instances when Roman was the only other person he had, and even then, their relationship was in pretty rough shape. It wasn’t now, though. Sometimes he forgot how good things were, that it wasn’t some kind of idealistic dream.

It had taken Remus nearly dying for a resolution to form between the brothers. That hurt to remember. He didn’t put blame on Roman for the way things had been, at least not anymore. It was both of their faults, and what mattered was the change they’d undergone. Even if they continued to bicker fairly frequently, the twins made a good team.

Remus hadn’t tried to make bargains with his parents. From a fairly early age, he’d known that someday they simply wouldn’t be in his life. That was an incredibly heart-wrenching conclusion for a child to come to, and sometimes he wondered how long Roman had known the same thing. Roman came out after Remus did, claiming offhandedly that Remus had inspired the courage, and that, it seemed, had been the final straw. There was no more respect left in their hearts, no more love. They were disowned shortly after, only in contact with a handful of relatives after the explosive outcome.

So, to think of how hard Patton had fought to keep his folks in his life, how he’d sacrificed so much for nothing; well, it just broke Remus’s heart in two.

Remus sighed, turning over in bed to see Logan blinking awake. Some strange discomfort swelled in him.

“Morning, Dragonfly. How’d you sleep?” He knew the answer wasn’t going to be good, considering the circles under Logan’s eyes as well as how much he’d tossed and turned last night. Logan scrubbed a hand over his face before sitting up and sliding his glasses over his face.

“Poorly,” he said, voice bitter, “Last night certainly was…” He trailed off.

“An utter fucking disaster?” Remus supplied. Logan hummed in response.

“Yes, that. I feel horrible for Patton. I can’t imagine a parent –.” Logan cut himself off, seeming to suddenly remember Remus’s backstory. “I apologize, I – I didn’t mean to –.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Remus said reassuringly, despite how much everything didn’t feel okay, “My parents are dicks. It’s crazy to think about any parent doing that. It’s an expected reaction of you to wonder how a parent could do that to their kid.”

Logan was thankful enough to have been graced with incredibly accepting parents, ones who had never so much as questioned Logan’s identity when he came out as gay. Logan recognized that he was in a lucky position in that regard, but it didn’t stop him from slipping up from time to time and forgetting that wasn’t the case for so many less fortunate queer people.

“How do you think he’s holding up?” Logan asked, fearing what the answer might be. Remus sighed.

“I dunno. Not good, I’m sure Jan’s doing what he can to help, but not good.” Logan nodded sadly.

“That’s what I’d assumed.” Silence fell over the couple for a moment, unbearably heavy as they sat beside one another in bed before Logan spoke up again. “Is it hard?” Remus quirked an eyebrow.

“Is what hard?” Remus would’ve slipped in an inappropriate joke if he had the energy.

“Being reminded of your parents,” Logan said, somewhat hesitantly, “I would imagine that must be… difficult.” Logan was trying to handle this delicately, goddamn was he trying, but it didn’t take away from the clumsiness of his attempt. Remus appreciated it regardless.

“It can be,” Remus replied honestly after a moment of contemplation, “I try not to think about it too much, y’ know?” Logan nodded. He didn’t know, not really, but he got the gist of it. “My teenage years were a blur. I’m kinda glad I didn’t know you then, you wouldn’t have liked me back then.”

“I’m sure that isn’t –.”

“No, it’s true. I didn’t even like me back then. I was just so fucking angry all the time. Home was a nightmare and I was constantly reminded of how “sinful” I was on account of my sexuality and all that shit. Roman was good at pretending to be straight, but I guess I was just never cut out for it. I’m just me, regardless of whatever anyone else thinks.” Remus’s breath hitched as Logan pressed a hand into his own, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m glad you’re you, love. You’re one of the most genuine people I’ve ever come across, that’s a very admirable trait.”

“Yeah, well, I also used to be a major asshole. More of an asshole, anyway.”

“You are by no means an asshole. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the sweetest person I know.” A smile flickered across Remus’s face. Even despite how heavy and horrible everything felt, Logan always had a way of making him feel better, at least a little bit.

“Only for you, Dragonfly. Anyway, I was an angsty teen with a fucked up home life and a strained relationship with one of the only close people in my life. I was fucking awful at making friends, but just terrific at scaring people away. I… well, I thought that’s what I was going to do with you, at first. Scare you away.” There was a rawness to Remus’s tone that he hadn’t intended, and he ducked his head, eyes trained on the bedsheets. “Jeez, sorry to be such a fucking downer. I’m just thinking about Pat, and my folks and all that shit…”

“Remus,” Logan’s voice wavered with sincerity, earning Remus’s full attention as their eyes met once more, “You never need to apologize for something like that. You don’t need to apologize for your vulnerabilities. It's okay.” Remus’s head swam with a cocktail of different emotions as he threw his arms around Logan and held on tight. There was still something tense and strange in the embrace, but Logan was solid and warm and always such a good source of comfort.

“Jesus, I love you,” he said, voice uncharacteristically soft, “You mean fucking everything to me, you know that right?”

“And you mean the same to me,” Logan responded, still embracing Remus tightly. “I love you too, dear. Immensely.”

It was no secret that both men were working on being more open and vulnerable with one another. They loved each other to the moon and back, but that didn’t hinder the fact that they both had issues with opening up and exposing their most primordial, raw emotions. Still, they were making progress together, doing everything they could to be better for each other and for themselves.

“God, I feel really fucking bad for Pat,” Remus said as they pulled away, “He’s such a sweetheart and to know what he’s going through…” Remus trailed off sadly. Then, Logan had an idea.

“What if someone visited him?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Do you think that’s a good idea? That might be kinda overwhelming.”

“Do you think Roman would be interested in visiting him as well?”

“I mean, I’m sure he would, but what’re you talking about?”

“You and Roman both have experience with that Patton’s going through. I feel as though you two spending some time with him would do a great deal of good.”

“And you wouldn’t want to come too?” Logan shook his head.

“It isn’t that. I love Patton, he’s an incredibly dear friend, and I’m going to do everything in my power to support him during this time. But as I said, this is a situation you and Roman know well. If the idea makes you too uncomfortable, then, by all means, I’ll drop the issue. I just feel as though you two could offer him some very good support.”

Remus considered it for a moment. Prior he thought that perhaps approaching Patton so early on might be a bad call, but now that he thought about it, Logan made a compelling case.

“You know what, yeah… yeah, I think you’re right. Let me text Jan and ask how Pat’s doing and then ask Roman if he could help out,” Remus said, standing up from bed and grabbing his phone.

Remus came back into the bedroom after a few minutes, still holding his cellphone.

“Janus said I can head over anytime.” Logan nodded, thankful that at the very least, Patton was accepting the company.

“How’s he holding up?” Remus's lip tugged into a frown.

“Not too good, from the sounds of things. Are you sure you don’t want to come too? I’m sure Patton would appreciate it.”

“I promise I’ll come next time, but for now, I want to leave this to you two. I know he’ll be in excellent hands. Can Roman attend?” Remus nodded, sitting back down on the bed.

“Yeah, he’s on his way now.” Logan pressed a kiss to Remus’s cheek, holding a hand against his face for a moment.

“Then you’d better get going.”

“You really think we’re gonna be able to help? I mean… he’s so upset, and I don’t want to make things worse…”

“Nonsense. You’ve got this, love. I know you do. You and Roman are going to do so much good.” Remus pulled Logan into a final hug, one that finally lacked the unexplainable burning sensation of all of their previous interactions since the party, and parted feeling far more hopeful then he’d started the day out with.

“Thanks, Dragonfly. Okay, I’m gonna get going.” It was still odd to think about all that Remus had thought this day would be. He’d expected celebration, overindulgence, and morning sex, not a friend dealing with so much strife. No matter, that was the situation, and Remus would have to do his best to make things better. He grabbed a granola bar and a cup of coffee on the way out, doing everything he could to cling to hopefulness.

In the past, Remus had never thought of himself as someone who was suited for comforting people, as far as he was concerned, he just wasn’t built for it. Since his time with Logan, though, Remus had come to realize that wasn’t entirely the case. The fear that he might still somehow make things worse burned in his chest, but it was alongside the hope that Logan had instilled as well as the knowledge he’d have his brother’s help. Alone, maybe Remus wouldn’t be able to brighten Patton’s spirits. But he wasn’t going to be on his own. Roman had always been good at soothing others, even at the expense of himself at times, and he was a good person to have in his corner.

There was no doubt all of this was going to continue to remind Remus and Roman of their childhood, but for now, he pushed the thought aside. What mattered now was helping Patton, and he was going to try his damndest.

=+=

#intrulogical #romantic intrulogical #mociet #romantic moceit #prinxiety #romantic prinxiety #Logan Sanders #Patton Sanders #Janus Sanders #Roman Sanders #Remus Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Sanders Sides #Human AU #TW homophobia #TW mention of homophonic parents #angst/fluff #exhaustedfander #exhaustedfander writes

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