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bengiyo · 7 months

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If you had to pick one film that was your favorite from each unit of your Queer Cinema Syllabus, which ones would they be and why?

The Queer Cinema Syllabus grew out of a conversation that @shortpplfedup and I were having about what queer works I would show to a prospective BL fan, which eventually led to the creation of @the-conversation-pod. Captain Hands here has decided to run the gauntlet and has reached Unit 2.

Unit 1: Coming of Age Post-Moonlight

It's definitely Pariah (2011). This movie and Moonlight (2016) are having a complex conversation about Blackness and Queerness that feels so resonant to me. It's so rare that we see lesbians of any sort treated with this much complexity and sympathy in a contemporary setting. The complex web of lesbian interactions here isn't matched that often, and the only other movie that comes to mind it The Watermelon Woman (1996).

Unit 2: Race, Disability, and Class

Probably The Way He Looks (2014) because it's an easy layup to introduce folks to the genre. The intersection between Leo's blindness and his queerness gives the newer person multiple things to think about and forces them to consider how queer people are more than just their queerness. I also feel warmly about this film because it was a project we followed all the way from short film to movie, and I love that we were able to get the entire cast back.

Unit 3: Faith and Religion

You haven't gotten here, but this is where things start to get especially heavy. I think for this section I'm going with The Wise Kids (2011) because I really like the way Stephen Cone approaches the struggle with faith queer and non-queer people have in evangelical spaces. There's an honesty that I really admire. This is not an easy film, but it's lingered with me for over a decade.

Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley

This is the section of straight losses. I don't know that I ever want to watch it again, but I would probably select Bent (1997) as my favorite because the idea that we could still love even in the greatest of horrors spoke to me. I also think the performances in this adaptation are phenomenal.

Unit 5: Lesbians

I think we just passed Lesbian Visibility Day, so happy birthday, lesbians! This is actually a difficult selection because there are so many great films in this section. I think, today, I'm giving it to The Handmaiden (2016), but I almost chose Bound (1996).

Unit 6: Gems

I don't even need to look to know Big Eden (2000) is in this section. This section whips ass all around, but Big Eden is my favorite because there's just so much love all over this movie, and every new fact I learn about the BTS of it makes me love it more. Arye Gross and Eric Shweig did not have to go as hard as they did in this movie. The director left that choice to them a veteran actors and they did that 23 years ago. Nothing but admiration and respect. This is one of my most beloved films.

Unit 7: Asian Film Warm-up

This is a difficult selection because I think it depends on my mood, but for now, I'll go with The Stranger by the Shore (2020). This is a very Japanese take on second-chance romance. I like the way Japan approaches the quiet internalized homophobia that grips us. Some of the same things in Minato's Laundromat can be found here. It's also gorgeous and approaches sex in a frank way that I really loved.

Unit 8: Yaoi

Once again I don't even need to look to know that it's Yuri!!! On Ice (2016). This show is so goddamn gay. I know people feel like it was censored because of the kiss, but these two proposed to each other. It's what sports anime wishes it could be with the open queerness on display from so many characters. It's beautiful and so much fun.

Unit 9: Boys Love

I will not be selecting a favorite BL, but I will say that I really love The Boy Foretold by the Stars (2020) and it's a movie. I loved that we had a femme lead for once and that they explored what faith meant for femmes. It's a film that took the romantic lead's gay awakening very seriously and explored what being together might look like in a sequel called Love Beneath the Stars.

I'm looking forward to you completing the syllabus!

#answered #lgbt film #pariah #the way he looks #the boy foretold by the stars #the wise kids #bent #yuri!!! on ice #the stranger by the shore #big eden #the handmaiden #queer cinema syllabus

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jjsmaybank20 · 1 year

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Bitchy is my Type Pt. 2

Leighton Murray x Fem!Reader

Summary: Reader is a motorcycle riding, tattoos, badass type. What happens when there is a new volunteer at the Women’s Center who is just her type, but instead of getting along, they become enemies? But what if those hateful feelings turn out to be something more? Or Enemies to friends to lovers.

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 1.2k

Pt. 1 Pt. 2

navigation the sex lives of college girls masterlist

---

There are many very unique people during poetry night. "Happy Father's Day. "Dad, "thanks for always protecting me from spiders, "from nightmares, from feeling respected as a woman." You snap with everyone else.

"My nipples are my own. But will they ever truly be free?" You hold back a laugh at the motion the girl makes while saying this.

"Oh, beautiful, disgracious skies. For amber waves of pain!" Everyone around you snaps aggressively in agreement. You hear Leighton call out, “Yeah.” Then you hear Alicia berate her. “Leighton, stop filming people without their consent.”

You can practically feel her eye roll. “Yes, Warden.” When you turn around you see Leighton drinking another glass of wine. “Are you seriously getting drunk at an event that you're working because you were caught getting drunk?”

She stops to think about it for a second, before nodding her head. “Yep.” Alicia groans. “Ridiculous.” You are about to yell at her, until someone comes in front of the group and you remember that there are other people still there.

The girl states, “I figure, if it's okay with you, I'll sing a few songs tonight. This first one is about a woman who deserves more love than she gets. Mother Nature.

The meadows so cloverly

Awakening my ovaries

Awakening my ovaries”

Leighton bursts out laughing and quickly runs outside. You follow her, making a mental note to apologize to the girl singing for the interruption. “Leighton, what the actual fuck? That's it. I'm not signing off on any of your hours tonight.”

She stops laughing instantly and whips around to face you. “What? Wait, you can't do that. I deserve double hours for sitting through this shit.” You look at her with an astonished look on your face. “Why? All you did was drink wine. And eat very noisy snacks!”

“But I was here.” Leighton whines. You shoot her a glare. “I don't care. You know, you just wasted three hours of your own life. Zero down. 100 to go.”

---

The next morning, you make your way into Sips. When you see Canaan, you go right over to him.

“Hey, man! Where have you been?” You ask him. Normally, you two hang out almost every day. You guys had known each other since the 4th grade, and you were inseparable. Practically brother and sister. “So sorry dude. I was going to text you. Econ has been crushing me and I asked for some shifts off so I could study for the finals.”

You nod in understanding. When you see Kimberly come in, you call for her to come over.

“Dude! How the fuck do you put up with Leighton? She is the most entitled person I have ever met, and that's saying something. I have dated a lot of snobby people, but she takes the cake by far.” Kimberly gives me a look before saying, “Look. Yes, Leighton is a lot, and yes, she can be very entitled, but she is super sweet once you get to know her.”

You shoot her an unbelieving look before you hear Lila call for you. “Y/N! Bring those big, strong, lesbian muscles over here to lift these boxes for me! I just got my nails done.”

You roll your eyes before walking over towards her. “I told you not to call them that. Just call them my muscles please.” Lila smirks at you before saying, “If I was gay, I would hook up with you just for the abs.” You snort before lifting up the five boxes she wanted you to move. “YAS! LESBIAN MUSCLES!”

---

Later that day, you were cleaning up the Women’s Center with Leighton. While you were actually cleaning, she was sitting and looking at her phone. Suddenly she says, “Look, I know you're in charge or whatever, but I really think it would benefit you to take things a little less seriously.”

You grunt out, “Oh, it would, huh?” while trying to put away a folding table. Leighton puts her phone down dramatically on the chair she is sitting on. “Yeah, okay. Like, if you didn't notice the song that girl sang was beyond terrible, then I am genuinely kind of worried about you.”

Before you can stop yourself, you let out a laugh. “Of course, I knew it was terrible. If she was good, she wouldn't be playing at the Women's Center!” Leighton gives you a “no duh” look before exclaiming, “Uh, yes. I agree!”

You pause what you're doing and turn towards the blond girl. “Okay, look. Some of these people are really fucking annoying. Doesn’t mean I say it to their face. Instead, I smile and cheer them on, and then mock them privately. Maybe give that a shot.”

Leighton sighs and throws her head back. “All right. All right, I will try to be less of a, um– Oh, God. What did you call it?” At the same time you both say, “A dumb, cis bitch.” You chuckle, finding the nickname you had come up with hilarious. Leighton nods with a strained look on her face. “Right. That’s the one.”

You just shrug and go back to trying to force a folding table to fold. “It’s true, you sounded like one. You know, it might be hard to stop. Just wait till it’s October, when Ginger starts her shit about her coven.” Leighton freezes for a second before violently asking, “What the fuck is a coven?”

The light laugh that you let out is enough to make the aggressive look on Leighton’s face melt almost instantly. You don’t notice, and you go back to your work as if nothing had happened.

---

Once you finish up, you offer to give Leighton a ride to her dorm on your motorcycle. She accepts hesitantly, but you assure her that it is completely safe. When you hop on, she pauses and looks at the bike worriedly.

You let out a sigh and say, “Come on, Leighton. I haven’t got all day.” When she finally moves forward and sits down behind you, you reach for her arms so that you can wrap them around your waist. She quickly pulls them back, snapping, “What the hell are you doing?!”

You put your hands up in defense, quickly snapping back, “Calm down! Jesus. If you don’t want to fall off, you have to wrap your arms around me. Otherwise, we can’t go anywhere.” You can practically feel Leighton roll her eyes behind you before slowly worming her arms back around you.

You try to ignore the feeling that you got when she did this, and you start on your way towards her dorm. She slowly but surely gets more comfortable and ends up putting her chin on your shoulder so that she can see where you are going.

When you finally get to her dorm, Leighton hops off. She goes to walk towards her building before freezing and turning around. She calls out to you and quickly asks, “Hey, um. What did you mean last night? When you said me being straight hasn’t stopped you before?”

You freeze for a second, not expecting that question. When you finally snap out of it, you recompose yourself. You shoot her a smirk and casually say, “Well. I have a theory that everyone is at least a little fruity. I’ve hooked up with and dated quite a few women who thought they were straight. So, hasn’t stopped me before.”

You give her one last smile before speeding off towards your apartment. The question threw you off, but then you realized why she asked it. This was going to be fun.

---

Join my taglist!

#leighton murray x y/n #leighton murray x you #leighton murray x reader #leighton murray #the sex lives of college girls x y/n #the sex lives of college girls x you #the sex lives of college girls x reader #the sex lives of college girls imagine #the sex lives of college girls #leighton murray imagine #sex lives of college girls #slocg x y/n #slocg x reader #slocg x you #slocg

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uchihashisui-kun · 2 years

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😉 🍟

😉 - Anything you wanna say to a homophobe?

"I hope you find someone who will make you question your sexuality"

I actually told that once to a classmate of mine, she told me to fuck off right after but it was so satisfying

🍟 - ever dealt with a homo/trans/bi/etc phobe?

Yes, although never directed at me because I don't really show that I'm part of the LGBTQ+ community, no pins nor specific clothes or anything else

One was the aforementioned classmate. She was really beautiful and she was actually my awakening and the reason why I started actively looking around myself and finding all types of people interesting and not only boys/men

Another one is, sadly, my honorary grandma. We call her that because she's of age of my real grandma and she's been around ever since I can remember, she used to babysit me and my sister sometimes and she just has the Grandma Vibe™️, if you know what I mean? She doesn't have grandkids of her own, and we basically adopted her in our family

She's the classic old woman who believes in God and hates gay people. I remember one time a gay couple came to order pizza takeaway, it was pouring rain like mad outside and they didn't have a car but they couldn't eat at the pizzeria because their niece was waiting at home for the dinner. This woman works in the kitchen and she couldn't stop muttering to herself about gay people and how they're not 'natural' or whatever, but she's doing her job so no one says anything and lets her be

Shortly later we send her home because we had like, ten people? And we didn't need a second person in the kitchen doing nothing. Five minutes after she's gone she calls us to tell us that the couple from before was stuck under a little terrace, waiting for the rain to lessen, and she's laughing at them and I tell her something along the lines of "they live close to you, why don't you give them a ride?" and she just scoffs and says that she'll never let a gay person in her car and then she hangs up on us

Another one got me so mad I actually punched the dude. He was dating my best friend (ex-best friend? Idk, I haven't talked with her in a while, I just forget people exist sometimes) and I never really liked him much? He was always flirting with every woman in the vicinity, and every single one of his ex-girlfriends broke up with him because he eventually cheated. He actually ended up with my friend by cheating on his previous gf who was also one of our friends. Just a complete mess

One day he starts talking shit about gay people, it happened for pride month because he was telling about how he had gone to I think Milan? And there were pride flags everywhere and gay people all over the place and how he hated it

Turns out, my best friend's bisexual. He finds out as well. Breaks up with her muttering curses about gay people and how he cannot believe that he's slept with someone who's 50% gay. My best friend cries, of course she does, poor soul she didn't do anything wrong. However, this douchebag of a guy doesn't know that while I don't get attached easily, when I do I'm pretty protective

He was my first punch ♡ right in the guts. I hurt myself because I have no idea how to throw a punch, but I also hurt him very much. Now that I think about it, I haven't seen him in a while. Last I heard he got married with some random girl his parents set him up with. Pity. I hoped he would end up alone forever

#mun's answer #tw homophobia #the last dude was my first and last punch #I have yet to meet someone who makes me just as mad as he did

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sawwyouuinadream · 3 years

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My Favorite Underrated WLW Cinema

To keep this as a memory, after a lot of deliberation, I’m creating this list of all my favorite Sapphic movies of all time. Note that it is purely subjective to me, and they aren’t necessarily big-budget, blockbusters, or period dramas. I obviously love films like Carol, the Handmaiden, etc. a lot, but personally, I love indie films. So, these are mostly Indie films and are quite underrated. All of these have beautiful poetic cinematography and heart-touching storylines. In no particular order:

1. The Half of It (2020, USA):

Probably the most famous film on this list, this is Alice Wu’s second directorial venture after a long hiatus post Saving Face. It’s about a seventeen-year-old girl named Ellie Chu who is basically a dark academia Tumblr lesbian. She liked the pastor’s daughter but well the pastor’s daughter is very pretty so many boys like her. One of the boys approach her to write a love letter coz lesbehonest we’ve been there done that (I mean I’m 100% Ellie minus the swag) and a lot of things happen. Just watch the film to know more. It's beautiful, deep, and sweet and has some tidbits about religion and queerness. Oh, and cute platonic friendships.

2. Desert Hearts (1985, USA):

The shots in this film is literally so ahead of its time, it feels like a period film honestly. Plus, the costume, the landscape- if you’re an 80s fashion buff, this is the best thing that could happen to you. Not to mention the leads are extremely beautiful. It was also groundbreaking for being a film of 1980s that didn’t shame lesbians and made them own up their sexualities. Also, if you like older women, I gotchu.

3. Moonlit Winter (2019, South Korea)

This was truly unlike any sapphic film I ever watched. It’s basically about a teenage girl discovering her mom is gay and helping her get back to her lover. Like? Omg? Also gay Asian middle-aged lesbians and repressed emotions? I’m bawling my eyes out. The lingering shots were especially beautiful and the strengthening of the mother-daughter relationship throughout the runtime as the mother gradually got comfortable in acknowledging her sexuality hit home. Like no, my mother isn’t gay but who doesn’t have mommy issues. Right….. Right?

4. Water lilies (2007, France):

Have you had feelings for your senior? Did you have gay panic in your changing rooms? Did you have homoerotic tension with women in tight swimming costumes? Did you have internalized homophobia? This film is all that and Celine Sciamma and Adele Haenel’s first film together so wink wink ultra super gay.

5. Shiva Baby (2020, USA and Canada):

It’s about a miserable bisexual girl who has to deal with her sugar daddy, her ex-girlfriend, her parents and the outcomes of her pathological lying while her sugar daddy’s wife ( Diana Agron I KNOW) poses a threat to her existence. It’s a comedy and it’s very funny. The set ups were hilarious, the plot twists were un anticipated and the horror music score was so unconventional but it fit perfectly.

6. Our love story (2016, South Korea):

It is probably the most realistic portrayal of a queer couple in their twenties on film. The messiness of it, the misunderstandings, having to hide the relationship from disapproving parents. It is very cute and heartwarming at times, with the lingering shots of typical Korean indie films, and at times it gives you a reality check that relationships are very messy.

7. Saving Face (2004, USA):

Alice Wu’s first child, this is the best lesbian rom-com to exist and that’s on period. The situational comedy, the lovely relationship between the two leads, and a happy ending, Happiest Season could never. It also deals with very serious topics like pregnancy at an older age and homophobic parents with so much sensitivity and light humor. A totally feel-good movie.

8. Kajillionaire (2020, USA):

Evan Rachel Wood was my bisexual awakening and the woman is horribly underrated in film. She portrays this odd girl in this film who has been raised by her con man parents to just cheat the system and engage in petty robberies. Her journey of breaking out of her toxic parents and finding someone who cares for her gave me goosebumps. The movie is brilliantly written and directed by Miranda July and its quirky aesthetic and satire of the system makes it one of a kind. Also Gina Rodriguez is so cute.

9. Fire (1996, India and Canada):

This film overcame a lot of hurdles and managed to provide authentic queer representation in the Indian Demographic as early as 1996. It also ends on a positive note which is really commendable. The acting, the scriptwriting, the themes of yearning, confusion, and coming to terms with your sexuality against the dogmatic and patriarchal society of India makes this film a must-watch. Especially if you’re South Asian.

10. I care a lot (2020, USA): This dark comedy portrays the sapphic lead to be a villain but I honestly loved the film for a multitude of reasons. The plot aka Rosamund Pike’s suits and Eiza Gonzalez’s sunglasses were pathbreaking. Jokes aside, the plot was really unique and it treated the sapphic couple like a regular one which was refreshing. On top of that, the age difference in the couple made my heart rate increase a lot so there’s that. The movie in itself is truly brilliant oh yes and Tyrion Lannister did so well I love him.

This list is in no way exhaustive. It doesn’t have enby and trans masc lesbians, and they are still seriously underrepresented in movies. We also need more black and brown women to portray sapphic relationships. I’m Indian and Fire was literally the only queer movie I had watched as a kid. So we mostly grow up with limited to zero representation. I hope it’ll change soon and people will stop making lesbian period dramas where nobody ends up happy.

Tell me how you guys liked these movies

#lgbtq community #sapphic #wlw film #women loving women #film #queer representation #queer film #wlw love #half of it #saving face #kajillionaire #i care a lot #women

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dameronology · 4 years

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questioning {natasha romanoff x wlw reader}

summary: natasha had always been able to appreciate women. once she meets you, it becomes clear why {for @stephanieromanoff - for some reason i can’t answer your ask but i hope u enjoy this}

warnings; probably swearing?? and mentions of the usual mcu canon typical violence

this is actually my first natasha imagine on this blog which is...wild. because - and i’m sure many people relate - she was my bisexual awakening and i still would let her top me. enjoyy!

-jazz

Sexuality was fluid - Natasha knew that.

She’d just never considered her sexuality to be fluid.

It was funny, really. Natasha had witnessed many forms of beauty in her time as a SHIELD agent; beautiful men, beautiful women, beautiful people. She could appreciate a good-looking human when she saw one but it never extended beyond admiration. Most of her Red Room training had been centred around seducing men. Her friends had always set her up with men. It wasn’t so much that she’d rejected the idea of anything other than heterosexuality but she’d always just kind of...assumed.

Besides, it wasn’t like Natasha’d ever even been in a position where she’d been close enough to a woman (or anyone, for that matter) to ever consider them in a romantic way. Her job didn’t allow for it - not unless the person she was with was also in her line of work. And, with all due respect to her colleagues, she knew them far, far too well to ever consider the notion of dating one of them.

Life has a funny way of working out though, doesn’t it?

You were dropped into Natasha’s lap when she least expected it. It was a cold, rainy Monday afternoon and she was in the staff room at the Compound with Steve. They were sat in comfortable silence, scrolling through their phones. The peace was disrupted by the sound of a crash, followed by a string of curse words.

‘What the...’ Steve stood up, approaching the hallway outside.

That was the first Nat saw you: with coffee halt spilt down yourself, your bag strewn across the floor and cheeks bright red. It was quite on brand, really.

‘I am so sorry!’ You dropped to your knees, quickly scrambling to pick the papers up. ‘I was too busy trying to find my office and I went straight into the door frame.’

The first thing Natasha noted was that you were pretty. Not pretty like the girls she’d seen in windows in Amsterdam, or pretty like the slender models she’d seen in London. You were...sparky. Talkative, and bright. There was an energy about you that she was yet to see in anyone else.

You were terrifying too. Not a single person at SHIELD had witnessed someone telling a dad joke whilst throttling a man twice their size, but there was a first time for everything.

At first, Natasha was convinced that her feelings towards you were simply admiration...for a friend. Because you were friends, right? It was hard not to become close to someone when you spent every second of every day with them. She never thought much of it, though - you were also close with Steve, Sam, Wanda and Bucky. Nothing about your relationship with Nat was different from your others.

There were a few notable exceptions on her part. She could tolerate you more than anyone else - and that was just the way she worded it in her head, to convince herself that it didn’t mean anything. In actuality, she found herself seeking you out, trying to spend to time with you. She’d do paperwork in your office until the small hours of the morning, and she’d bring you coffee when you both returned to work a few hours later. Natasha had never had a best friend before and it felt good.

‘Do you ever think about relationships in our line of work?’

You looked up from your paperwork, glancing over at Nat. She was sat across from you at your desk, the dim glow of your spotlight illuminating her face. It wasn’t unusual for her to bring up deep subjects when it was late (in this, case it was 1AM). You ponded for a moment, tapping your pen against the edge of your desk.

‘Sometimes.’ You said. ‘I mean...I wasn’t an Avenger until five months ago, give or take. If I did get into one now, I imagine it would be much more complicated than when I was normal.’

‘You are normal.’ Nat reached across the desk to whack your shoulder, smiling to herself. ‘At least by Avenger standards.’

You chuckled. ‘Honestly, I barely have time to think about relationships now, let alone get into one. My ex-girlfriend asked me if I wanted to grab a coffee and the earliest date I could do was in four months.’

That was the first time Natasha realised that whatever chemistry and easiness was between you, it could have been something more than friends. The sound of the word girlfriend coming out your mouth? It...well, it made her mind go places. No-where drastic, or revealing. It just made her think; the idea of you casually referring to her as your girlfriend in conversation gave her butterflies.

And Natasha Romanoff did not get butterflies. At least not until now. Not until you.

‘How did you know that you liked girls?’ She asked. It was a casual question - one you’d been asked plenty of times.

‘I just knew.’ You shrugged. ‘It’s not the same for everyone, though. Sometimes it takes meeting the right person.’

That was the statement that got Natasha thinking. She’d never even considered the idea of liking girls, not until you’d come along.

She couldn’t help but let herself day dream - it was a guilty please, in a sense. What would life be like if you were together? What would it be like to call you her girlfriend? To live with you? Natasha was so vehemently against the idea of domesticity...but with you? Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad. She didn’t even realise how (for lack of a better word) gay her thoughts were. And when she did? It hit her like a train.

Natasha had dealt with a lot in her life - aliens, nazis, gods, genocidal robots, evil super spies. It made the situation seem so mundane; she’d become so exceptionally aware of her mortality that things like questioning her sexuality or pondering on her attraction for her best friend just seemed like a waste of time. She’d always been fearless, after all. It had kind of been forced into her nature at the Red Room, and even more so after becoming an Avenger.

It was during another late night conversation that Nat realised her feelings might have been deeper than she realised. She knew that she liked you in a way that ran far deeper than just being best friends; it was just the extent that she was unsure of, and she didn’t want to make a move until she understood it properly. It was like being on a mission really: do some recon, get a better gauge of what’s going on and make a move.

She hadn’t expected it - it had been nine words. One completely casual sentence. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a conversation.

‘I saw a TikTok that reminded me of you.’

It was in that moment that Natasha realised, whilst staring at you across your desk with wide-eyes, that she was in love with you. It was a brand new (and not entirely surprising) discovery but it didn’t feel like a shock. The feelings had always been there - it was just the sudden comprehension of them that came as a revelation.

It didn’t have to be complicated. Missions to Russia to take out HYDRA bases were complicated. Teaching Steve and Bucky how to use an iPhone was complicated. This was....well, it was simple, wasn’t it? She loved you. And maybe, just maybe, you loved her too.

Aside from the fact you were just friends, you might as well have been a couple already. You ordered take out together every night and ate it together on the sofa. You drove to work together, and you had a thousand and one inside jokes. The foundations were there but neither of you had ever been all that good at architecture.

‘It reminded you of me?’ Natasha quickly regained her posture, offering you her signature smirk. ‘I didn’t realise you thought of me outside of work.’

‘Nat.’ You snorted. ‘We hang out after work every night.’

‘I know, I just...’ She trailed off.

‘You just what?’

‘We should get dinner tonight.’ Nat cleared her throat.

‘Wasn’t that the plan?’ You raised an eyebrow at her.

‘No, I mean...dinner.’ She sat up a little straighter (ironic). ‘Like a date.’

‘Are you asking me out?’

‘Yeah. Why?’

‘I...’ it was your turn to be a little speechless. ‘Yeah, okay. Let’s do it.’

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fic #natasha x reader #natasha imagine #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #avengers fluff #avengers smut #avenegers preferences #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #marvel fluff

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siyurikspakvariisis · 3 years

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Sjur Eido, from inventing war to pursuing peace

Three theses:

Sjur Eido started the Theodicy War.

Contrary to popular belief, her hesitation to kill Mara Sov doesn’t come from Mara’s “thoughtless grace and beauty”

She had learned Eliksni language and customs in an attempt for a diplomatic end to the Reef Wars and, potentially, partially redeem her past sins. Unfortunately, she was killed too early.

The first thesis is the one in which the third hinges upon. The evidence is circumstantial, but there is quite a bit.

I. The second crime ever committed

In Fideicide II we have this passage:

One of the 891 fell today, shot down by a matter laser, a coherent boson weapon: There was almost nothing left to burn. Matter lasers are the kind of appalling maltech weapon Alis thought she'd locked up in the Shipspire's vaults. She'd armed a few of her Paladins with them, just a few—women she couldn't bear to lose…

The thought that one might have defected to the Diasyrm breaks her heart.

And in Imponent III:

Historians were called to the court with bouquets of sweet flowers and grant money to speak of Sjur Eido. "She was one of Queen Alis Li's Paladins, but she was an Eccaleist, who believed that we would one day be called to repay the gift of our awakening."

There we have our defecting Paladin - and this was common knowledge after the war, that Sjur Eido was an Eccaleist and that she had been a Paladin. Nowhere it is said that this was the first shot fired in the War, though, but put a pin in that.

Flash-forward to Tyrannocide III, when the Awoken were already in the Reef, and Mara is starting to plant the seeds for her katabasis. Before she walks to her death, she confesses her worst secret to Sjur, both immersed in vacuum, isolated from everything else in a spacewalk.

"Sjur, I have this secret, this thing I did, and I don't know if anyone can know it without hating me forever."

"I had a secret too," Sjur reminds her. "The thing I did…"

"It's nothing compared to mine. Nothing at all."

As mentioned before, it was a known fact that Sjur was a Paladin, a deserter, and an Eccaleist. So what could her secret be, if not that she had been the first killer?

(Which is pretty fitting, given the parallels between the Osmium Court and the Awoken Royal Family. Oryx and Uldren, navigators. Mara and Savathûn, mistresses of lies. Sjur and Xivu Arath, incarnations of war)

II. Does blood wash blood?

The Theodicy War ends with the disappearance of the Diasyrm. This is the motivation for Sjur to declare her intention to murder Mara Sov:

Now in the court of one of the Scribes, there appeared a woman of stellar height and furious wrath, armed with a bow that could be strung only if she twined it around her body and used her whole mass to bend it. "I am Sjur Eido," said the woman, "and I accuse Mara of the ancient murder of my lady the Diasyrm. In my saddle, I have a weapon with only one death remaining. Take me to Mara, and I will deliver it."

The Scribes consulted and said to each other that this foul murder might prevent another Theodicy War. So they gave Sjur Eido all their knowledge to hunt Mara.

And here comes, in Imponent II, the infamous paragraph:

Sjur Eido deduced who among the Queen's court must be a disguised Mara Sov. She followed the hooded figure to her laboratory and watched Mara go to work soldering a makeshift bolometer to search for signs of primordial gravity waves. Sjur Eido's fury and grief whetted themselves against Mara's thoughtless grace and ancient beauty, until at last her heart unseamed itself and spilled its hot blood in a shout. "Mara Sov!" she cried, throwing down her maltech matter laser between them. "I cannot live while you live, but I cannot bear to kill you. I challenge you to a duel to the agony. I will fight your most beloved companion to the death and leave you forever maimed or else die in the attempt."

This can be easily read as “Sjur was too mission-abandonly gay to proceed with her vendetta”, but I think this is a superficial reading. Keep in mind the author of the Marasenna is Mara herself, and she warns you that

[a]ll things told, all truth revealed, if through mist and mystery. If you have grace, then see our sorrows, but swallow back your tears. We were made to pay this price. I led us to our fate.

Seek me in my place. Hear these whispers from the lips of Queen-Egged God.

This has passed through the filter of Mara Sov’s authorship. And later on Sjur Eido would become her lover, confidant, and closest thing to an equal she has had during her reign. Sjur’s internal turmoil, I think, is the kind of thing she would filter out of a history of the Distributary Awoken.

What kind of internal turmoil? The one that comes with having so much blood on her hands - the blood of immortals, no less, of immesurable value. Alis Li (well, Mara Sov, actually, but she does not know that yet) might be the biggest criminal by Eccaleist standards for having created the possibility of suffering and death, but Sjur has brought that potential into the material. She is a murderer (the first murderer) and she has had time to mull that over.

Maybe she could not kill a defenseless person in cold blood.

Maybe she wanted someone who could fight back and kill her all along. There is no evidence for that, this is true, but this would give Mara all the more reason to draw a veil over her lover’s motivations - Sjur’s mental health struggles were hers and hers alone.

3. Restitution and atonement

So we now have asserted Sjur as the first murderer in Awoken history, and as someone who regrets these actions. This contrasts with the end of her arc, when she has learned Eliksni customs and language to, presumably, understand them for a potential peace between their peoples.

In Misraaks, we read about her capture of a surly young Vandal who tries to kill himself by dashing off a cliff, and to take Sjur with him, before being a prisoner of war.

Drawing two fractal knives from sheaths on her thighs, she makes a perfect ireliis bow before him. Thunderstruck, he sits up straight. Stares.

"Not good?" she asks, and tries again.

Furious confusion takes him. This is some kind of trick. Blasphemous mockery. "Iirsoveks," he rumbles.

She shakes her head. "Nama." Sheathing one of her knives, she holds out her free hand with her fingers spread in supplication.

He draws his chin toward his throat with this fresh betrayal, narrowing his secondary eyes. It speaks!

Slowly, without breaking eye contact, she lays her other knife on the ground between them. The blade points toward her boots. He watches her every movement. How many secrets have the flesh-lovers betrayed, that this creature can make peace like a cringing drekh before his kel?

She taps two fingers against her cuirass. "Sjur," she says slowly, then she points at him.

Honor-bound even as he simmers in scandal, he replies, "Misraaks. Velask, Si-yu-riks."

"Mithrax," she repeats, then grins. "Velask, Mithrax. And welcome! Let's have a look about, shall we?"

She is trying so hard to meet Misraaks in his terms, despite the power imbalance! This is, of the three theses, the flimsiest one, but I think it is a very satisfying end for her arc. She is not redeemed, if she could ever be, for starting the Theodicy War - but she tries. And in trying, she has made an indelible impact upon a young Vandal who would become the Kell of House Light.

#long post is long #no proofreading we die like sjur #destiny #sjur eido #mara sov #misraaks #suicide cw

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jade-it-queen · 3 years

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Jade. The fate of female character in Mortal Kombat

It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog cause I’ve been busy with my life and rapid changes in it. During this time, I’ve watched the new 2021 Mortal Kombat movie as well as the new animation Battle of the realms and also rewatched the Story Mode of MK11 a few times. As you probably can tell, I have a lot to say.

JADE. MILEENA. KITANA. SONYA.

Skip this if you don’t want to read my very important (and long as sh*t) rant about female characters in MK.

DISCLAIMER. This thing is going to sound extremely feminist and women-supremacist or whatever. By saying things that I’m going to say, I by no means think that male characters should be weak or lacking. If anything, it would be nice to have some godforsaken EQUALITY. I’ll explain further later.

Part One: Mortal Kombat (2021)

There’s no Jade in this movie.

The end. That should be the sole reason I dislike it.

However, it might be better this way since the Nitara and Mileena portrayals in this movie are... questionable to say the least. Okay, y’all been robbed. If MY JADE would be brought into this movie to BE THERE for like 4 minutes of screen time only to get absolutely brutal FATALITY I. would. be. pissed.

More than I already am and that means something.

Sure, there’s a possibility that she’s going to be present in some of the upcoming movies because this one is definitely not the only one they’re going to make. But do I want that? Yes. And no.

Mortal Kombat movies (and Mortal Kombat in general) have a problem with women portrayal in general. The target audience for them are MEN, potentially heterosexual men, who want nothing more than bloody gorey fighting scenes with occasional sex scene here and there. To achieve that, they need a female lead, an attractive, kinda kick-assish but not too much, to not overshadow the absolutely badass men characters. Girls tend to be “independent” (because God forbid they’d want to express interest in the male leads before the time is right), sarcastic, laid back and sometimes even bitchy. Because, you see, they are fighters. And they are Sonya Blade. They need NO MAN. They just need plot armor, bigger than America itself. And if they’re not Sonya Blade, they are... non existent. They are there, but they are never really there. Here, let me walk on screen for a couple seconds. Let me sit beside Very Important Male Character (aka Shang Tsung) for a couple of seconds, looking absolutely gorgeous. Let me have a fight scene in which I make choices so f*cking stupid there’s no potential explanation to it. I exist in this movie to make people that love me (this character) to come into theatres in hopes to see some good action and interesting plot.

Now, I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how the world works. It’S bEeN LiKe ThAt FoReVeR, gEt OvEr here iT. Yeah, it’s been like that forever and the result is a mediocre movie that pleases neither the casual viewer, nor the actual Mortal Kombat fan. I don’t know, there might be guys who just saw Kung Lao’s fatality on Nitara, thought to themselves “Neat” and went on with their lives. But I exited the cinema with a sour taste in my mouth, feeling like I’ve watched one of the “fighting genre” films based on video games that had nothing worth remembering. Well, besides Kano. He was my favourite part of this movie and I normally can’t stand the guy :’D

Would it really help if they changed the way the women were portrayed? I mean - is that the ACTUAL problem of the movie? No, women being the eye candy and barely something else (if they’re not Sonya Blade) are not the only problem it suffers from. It’s that MK has been going the same route, retelling the same goddamn story for the millionth time. It’s always THE SAME. The only thing changing is who’s gonna get brutally killed. But - of course - out of the “disposable” character pool. It’s never Sonya (because you need our female lead or else there would be no female characters in the story), who ya know could be killed by Mileena but magically WASN’T. Because Mileena FOR SOME REASON was like: Ya know what? Naaah. Even though Sonya’s from Earthrealm and is actively trying to stop you. If anything, kill her because she annoys you. BUT NAH. It’s never Liu Kang because he’s the Chosen One. But killing Kung Lao is fine, he can die so Liu can awaken or smth. It’s not the main character because how else can you portray THE MAGIC OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP? Ya, that’s what I thought, don’t even think about it.

You have an amazing universe, filled to the brim with SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. Let go of the same boring plot line and show us Kombat from another perspective. Change something. F*ck, go all feminist route and make a story center around Mileena dominating the world. Try with different versions of the same story, making it center around different character each time.

SURE, YOU’LL PROBABLY LOSE SOME VIEWERS BUT TIMES ARE CHANGING, AND MOST OF US ARE TIRED TO PAY FOR THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Part Two: Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms

Jesus f*cking Christ.

To say this film was rushed is an understatement. While I was watching it, I was like: TF? Everything happens all at once, we have Kuai Liang-Scorpion story line, we have Outworld’s attack, the tournament, not to mention the final fight that should be whole another movie. I felt like no story line was properly laid out, some of the characters died before I got to even know them and the battles were... disappointing. I believe they needed to push this movie out so they squished in everything they had and just went with it.

But, again, this movie just repeats the same things as its live action version. Let me lay it down for you:

Kung Lao dies (because yes)

Sonya Blade lives (because yes)

Jade is just there (more of it later)

disposable characters are disposed of

Liu Kang is badass and always wins

You watch it and feel like you’ve already seen it before. Sure, gore is fine, human Raiden is precious and need to be protected at all costs and adrenaline is pumping (I guess).

BUT NOW.

You know what’s coming.

JADE.

My f*cking piece of sunshine, the gorgeous goddess of beauty and kombat, the woman who owns my heart.

She’s there for like not even a minute.

Words can’t describe how f*cking PISSED I am by this portrayal. These motherfrickers put her in EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SNIPPET OF THIS MOVIE. HER BATTLE WAS IN THE TRAILER, ONE OF THE SNEAK PEEKS WAS A SCENE OF HER AND KITANA.

TURNS OUT EVERYTHING I SAW BEFORE THE MOVIE WAS RELEASED... WAS EVERYTHING I WAS ABOUT TO SEE OF HER!!!!

THEY MADE ME HYPED UP FOR NOTHING!!!!!!

I know I’m not the only one riding this trolley. Li Mei was there just to be killed. Kung Lao had a f*cking single dialogue line and then BAM, fatality, buh-bye. But I was watching everything of this movie, being so enormously happy that I will finally see Jade in the movies, FINALLY! Only for her to be present in a single scene, get her ass kicked by Liu Kang (what’s new) and then she’s never seen again, even when the whole f*cking world is breaking apart.

Again. She’s just there. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best Shao Kahn’s assassins, gets her ass kicked in fourty seconds. They NEVER let her speak ffs. She just spews some general villanous sh*t and proceeds to step on Johnny. Then, she just goes Observer mode as Kitana “betrays” Shao Kahn, gets tied to the column and then the world is ending.

WHERE THE F*CK IS SHE?!

If you hype me up for her every chance you get, at least GIVE ME what you’re advertising. This is a scam. This is criminal offense. And homophobic. She is more than a revealing outfit and Liu Kang’s punching bag. I’m SO. F*CKING. TIRED. OF THIS. SH*T.

Kitana. The rebellious princess of Outworld... turned damsel in distress in this movie. Her role is so effing bad it hurts me to my core. You see her as a general being so badass and independent... oh right, we need Liu Kang to save her because he needs to maintain his hero look. And we need two kissing scenes. How do we get there? Oh, right, let him save her, because you know - that’s what makes wahmen kiss you.

ARE YOU NUTS?!

The movie started just fine, with Kitana being in charge with her right hand, Jade. Then, obviously, they water her down and soon she is a princess in a tower (in this case, princess on a column) that needs her buffy sexy man to save her. Oh, and she can’t resist him - you know, every normal girl’s reaction to getting untied is to kiss a guy you’ve known for like a few hours but seen before and you’ve talked like three dialogue lines in total. Sure.

Kitana just gets the unfortunate role of a female main character. She’s Liu’s love interest and that makes her take the role of a strong (but surface level, only) woman who still needs her hero to free her. Classic damsel in distress story, with Kitana being the princess, Liu being the Prince charming and Shao Kahn as the dragon (lul). Of course, they try to cover this up by making Kitana a general, letting her win a few fights but it won’t matter in the end. Some say that women want to believe in fairy tales but the more I see fighting games’ lore, the more I say it’s the men who want to believe them.

Is it necessarily bad? No. But it’s boring as fuk.

I would like to ask the directors to stop being so afraid of upsetting the target audience. Target audience can change and sometimes it comes out better than originally planned. My Little Pony was designed as a child’s cartoon but it was the creepy men who made it reach the top. Morally? Questionable at best. But business is booming, right? And that’s what they care for, right?

All I’m trying to say is these days women and gays are the future.

Thank you for today, more to come. I’m going to rant about the Story Mode.

#Mortal Kombat #mk jade #kitana #nitara #mileena #battle of the realms #female #commentary #article #mortal kombat movie

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hatake-no-sharingan · 3 years

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A Well Loved Copy (PART 3: Darkness swallows us)

Kakashi x Reader

Story Summary: Your cozy life as a bookseller is disturbed when a box of the worst books you could ever imagine arrives at your store, and with them a certain silver haired ninja to whom you are definitely not attracted.

PART 1 PART 2

Chapter summary: Kakashi goes on a mission, but things don't go as planned. Injured, and with his chakra almost gone, he has a strange dream that might change something in him.

Relationship: Kakashi x Reader

Warnings: Mentions blood and injuries

A/N: Hi guys! I know I'd promised to update this story every week or two weeks, but I've had a few things on my hands lately. I might take longer to update, but rest assure, I will finish the story (I have everything plotted already :) <3 This chapter was a bit hard to write, but it's necessary for the development. I hope you enjoy it, and I'll try to update again as soon as I can. Enjoy and let me know your thoughts.

P.S. This chapter is parallel to Part 2, it's just from Kakashi's POV so you know what's going on while Y/N is waiting for him at the bookstore.

Special thanks to my amazing editor @seventh-line Thanks to her hard work, this thing is readable. <3 I hope you enjoy it.

IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST: CLICK HERE

Darkness swallows us

There was blood. So much blood. He was supposed to be used to it. He thought he was. Before him was a sea of red, adorned with a few colorful spots sporadically distributed across the landscape. Were those in his mind?

He certainly felt lightheaded, and perhaps a bit cold. There was a dull ache somewhere in his body, but he couldn’t pinpoint the spot.

As he tried to raise his left arm, a sharp pain in his shoulder let him know the blood belonged to him. Maybe he was even injured in other places he wasn’t yet aware of, the blood was far too much for a simple gash on his shoulder.

He tried to get past the pain, gaining more awareness of his body trying to sense the usual buzz of chakra. It was almost gone too, he felt it slipping just like his consciousness.

He didn’t panic, however. His encounters with death had been one too many, he could almost say they were part of the job. He and pain, were now old friends.

Instead, he shut his eyes gently and let his head roll back, crashing with the soft grass.

He stood in front of the bookstore, the one he’d visited a while ago, in the search of the new edition of Icha Icha. Sunlight struck his eye violently. It took a few moments to adjust to the brightness

He looked inside the store, looking for her amongst the piles of “New arrivals” “Hottest summer reads” and “All time favorites”. She was there, arranging another pile. A gentle frowning on her face, forehead creased in concentration. She was so careful with each copy, placing them in a beautiful pyramid shape, akin to the others. He couldn’t see the title of the books she was arranging, but they were surely ones she cared for, based on the way she delicately handled them.

He observed her quietly, enjoying her calm movements. It must have been hot inside, because her cheeks started flushing, despite that, Kakashi felt cold.

A sudden urge to go inside hit him. He reached for the door handle, but his hand slipped right through. He tried again, but it seemed as if he was made of nothing. Just thin air.

From the inside, she lifted her gaze towards him, with a look of recognition, and he felt a wave of relief.

He made a move to open the door, however his hand passed right through the handle once more.

Then her expression changed abruptly, as she stared beyond Kakashi, as though he wasn’t there. Her eyes widened, fear written all over her delicate features.

Heart pounding, Kakashi turned around to see what had scared her, but saw nothing, just the plain old buildings.

She made panicked gestures towards Kakashi from the inside, and mouthed some words he couldn’t hear. It seemed like something important. there was a desperation in every move she made.

Confused, he tried again, only to watch his fingers slip through the handle for a second time.

She urged him to come in, her hands waving rapidly in front of him.

Now he was getting desperate. His head felt odd, almost as if he had stopped breathing seconds ago, and was experiencing a lack of oxygen.

The bookseller’s face contorted with pain, and Kakashi saw that ribbons of darkness were wrapping around her body, consuming her.

He tried to call out, scream her name, but there was nothing there.

Seconds later, darkness had swallowed them both.

He awakened with a jolt.

His heart was beating so fast, like it was trying to escape his chest. He took a gulp of air and was satisfied to feel the way it filled his lungs. He studied his surroundings and it seemed he was alone, in the middle of a forest. His body felt drained, and his head still felt cloudy, so he closed his eyes again.

“Kakashi Sensei?” Said a familiar voice.

“Is he awake?” a deeper voice asked

“I don’t know, I thought I saw him move”

“I don’t think he’s awake”

“Kakashi Sensei, can you hear us?”

Kakashi nodded slightly, eyes still closed due to the sickness, though he know recognized the voices as Kurenai’s three students.

“Try not to move much, Sensei. I’ll go fetch Sakura, Hinata stay here with him. Make sure he’s okay.”

"Yes, of course"

Hinata sat next to him and kept quiet. Her silence was very much appreciated by the tired jonin.

He must’ve fallen asleep again, because when he regained consciousness, Sakura and the Godaime were staring down at him.

“Oh good. You’re awake. I’ve cleaned most of your serious wounds and given you medicine. All that you need to do now is rest so you can restore your chakra.”

The hospital’s cold atmosphere gave him a strange sense of serenity. He didn’t know how he got here, hopefully he hadn’t been too much of a burden on the team.

“Now that we know he’ll survive, tell me, Sakura. What went wrong?” Asked Tsunade as she finished wrapping one last bandage around Kakashi’s arm wound.

The mission was supposed to be simple. Locate and report. He’d done it so many times, and this time, he had a really good team with him. Team 8 and Sakura had come to help him find one of Orochimaru’s rumored hideouts. With their talents as trackers, they managed to find the location quickly, however, they weren’t expecting to be met with a dozen of Orochimaru’s experiments, led by none other than Kabuto.

The kids were good fighters, but the odds weren’t in their favor with the enemy doubling their own numbers. Kakashi’s instincts had kicked in, so he put himself between the young shinobi and Orochimaru’s men, if one could even call them human. Kakashi took them all out, though it had come at a great cost.

His chakra reserves were almost emptied, and his wounds had caused him to lose too much blood. That’s how he ended up here.

Kakashi was deemed unfit to fill out the mission report, due to his injuries, a silver lining in this mess. Sakura meticulously explained everything to the Godaime, turning in a beautifully written, and extremely detailed report, unlike the one he would’ve done.

His time in the hospital went by excruciatingly slow. He had a few visits, none very interesting since they all lasted at the most 5 minutes. Everyone was busier, and not even Gai had had the time to entertain him as usual. Kakashi had been desperate to get out of there.

The only thing that seemed to occupy his mind, was the image of the bookseller, as he flipped through the pages of his book. However, that too left him uneasy, as he recalled the images he had seen in his delirium. Whenever he pictured her, a deep fear gripped his heart, as he was reminded of the darkness he’d seen swallow her. Nightmare or not, he needed to get out and see her.

———-

Kakashi was discharged from the hospital two weeks later, just in time or he would’ve attempted an escape.

He now stood in front of the bookstore again. His hand shook as he grasped the handle, but immediate relief hit him when he made contact with the warm metal. He sighed, and pushed the door open, eager to see the face that had haunted his dreams.

"Hello, welcome to Red Leaf Bookshop. Can I help you with anything?" Called out a petite woman from behind the counter. His stomach sank when he realized, it wasn’t whom he’d been looking for.

Taglist: @incorrect-titans-quotes @iwanttobesomeone @galaxydefenderjulia@artlovingloser @sachi-sims @savemefromthispayne @maimori @alexanderlightwoodii @mazakiackerman @tshuuls @aubraella @kleklerosa @theunknownrandom

#naruto #naruto fic #naruto imagines #kakashi hatake #kakashi imagines #kakashi x y/n #kakashi fanfiction #kakashi fic #kakashi headcanons #kakashi #kakashi sensei #a well loved copy

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marmolady · 3 years

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There Was This Girl

Main Pairings: Estela x (f)MC

Summary: Rourke Ending. Estela Montoya is a loner. She keeps herself to herself. But there's just something about the girl in her Chemistry class....

Word Count: 3738

Chronology: This the first part of my Rourke ending series.

Tagging: @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, @greengroove @mauvecatfic

There was this girl. Blonde… electric blue eyes. Not all that tall, not all that short. Just another average blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl in your average American college. The girl… Taylor she’d said she was called, looked to Estela to be just an ordinary anyone. Which was why she bothered Estela so. The way that girl played upon her mind after bumping into her just the once; that was anything but ordinary. After that… well, Estela didn’t seem to be able to keep herself from bumping into Taylor. It was almost as if that girl, that average, ordinary girl, had been seeking her out.

Estela had made a point of keeping to herself in the days since beginning her studies as a freshman at Hartfeld University. Though she’d been raised by her uncle in San Trobida, away from the trappings of her lineage, she was certain that it wouldn’t be long before she was known here as the daughter of the Emperor and the Second Empress. It was a connection she’d long despised. That she and her uncle had spent the last however many years fighting against a dictatorship was laughably ironic when it was none other than a cruel dictator who’d sired her… who still kept a hold over her mother. Had it been down to Estela, she’d never have come to this place, but at her uncle’s insistence that she arm herself with the best education they could give her, she’d relented. Quite an achievement in persuasion on his part. It was not every day that Estela Montoya backed down.

There must have been a reason she was drawn to that girl, Taylor. Maybe it was the simple fact that people tended not to talk to Estela. She liked it that way, for so long as she was left alone, her identity never seemed to be an issue—despite her striking resemblance to the Second Empress. Other students would whisper—or rather, not bother to—behind her back, mulling upon the reasons for her enforced solitude, for the scarring that marked her serious face. Their speculations were frequently cruel in tone. Perhaps that was why the openly friendly way that Taylor had greeted her; no hesitation, no mistrust, had stuck with her.

“Hey-- you mind if I sit here? It’s kind of crowded everywhere else; I don’t think I can handle the noise right now.”

A frown darkened Estela’s face, born of suspicion that had been drilled into her since she was small, but she nodded. It was hard to resent Taylor a simple desire for peace and quiet-- the new food court was for the most part a headache waiting to happen.

Taylor sat down with an exhale-- relief?-- and began to eat. After a moment, she looked back up, meeting Estela’s eyes before they could pointedly dart away.

“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I… I get the impression you like to keep to yourself.”

Estela’s frown deepened. Maybe… maybe she did. She felt lonely sometimes, but solitude was now second nature; it was easy.

“Let’s just say it’s better that way. For me… for anyone who doesn’t want to wind up hurt.”

Taylor studied Estela’s face, and a couple of times opened her mouth as if to start talking, before reassessing and remaining quiet. Estela looked back, unblinking, mirroring the curiosity before her. She’d never much been drawn to blue eyes. Used to the cruel, icy gaze of her father, that coldness was anticipated. But Taylor’s weren’t like that. Not at all. They were bright, sparkling and warm like the sun on the sea. They were kind. And when Taylor’s smile reached them, they made something both alarming and pleasurable bubble up in Estela’s stomach. Then, Taylor finally managed to get her words out; shaky, unsure.

“Well, if you ever feel like… you know, some company, you should know that I enjoy being in yours. And I wouldn’t mind just… hanging out sometime.”

Estela averted her gaze, painfully aware of the heat blossoming upon her cheeks, spreading rapidly to her ears and the back of her neck. She could only hope that Taylor didn’t notice that fierce blush. Was she attracted to Taylor? Like, really attracted to her. Was that what this was? Intensely focused as she’d been on the family business in San Trobida, she’d never had the time for foolish crushes. Any such feelings had been trifling, fleeting. She might have looked at a person and thought the nice to look at, but it hadn’t been like this. There hadn’t been the butterflies. There hadn’t been the throb between her legs, nor the goose-bumps rising up her neck. Agonisingly uncomfortable, Estela took her food and strode off without a look back.

And then, that night, everything changed.

She was on a hillside, overlooking a sparkling sea. Smiling beside her… Taylor.

“I’ve seen a few sunsets,” Taylor said, but this is something else.”

It was. The colours upon the vast sea were sublime.

“My view is better,” said Estela. She stared into Taylor’s lovely face, taking every feature in.

Taylor blushed a little, and deflected. “I think you found your light too. We should take some pictures while we’re up here.”

For a moment, Estela said nothing, unable or unwilling to tear herself from simply basking in the glow of the beautiful person beside her. Oh, how her stomach fluttered.

“Something like this is hard to capture,” she said at last. “It’s more special if we have to remember it.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s ours alone that way.”

Together, they sat down in the cool grass, knees touching, and watched the shift of colours across the water and sky.

“I…,” said Estela, “used to avoid getting this close to people.”

“I remember,” Taylor said… somewhat sadly. “There was a time when it was hard to talk to you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I was afraid of hurting you… of losing you and everyone else.”

“Believe me, I worry about it too. We’re gonna find the others though. We’re all in this together.”

Again, Estela fell quiet, thoughtful; then…, “Yes.”

It was getting too much. She had to be nearer to Taylor. She edged closer, reaching for her hand, and utterly powerless to look away from those gentle blue eyes….

Then Taylor moved in and was kissing her. So soft and tender. Estela closed her eyes, letting herself know nothing but for the feel of Taylor’s lips as they caressed her own. She let her arms wander, feeling, knowing every inch of Taylor’s body, and the kisses became harder, more urgent.

She shifted back, a fire in her raging wildly… an aching need.

“I want you, Taylor…. Now.”

And Taylor whispered back, “I want you too.”

Clothes were torn off, Estela’s heart pounded like a drum, and not for a moment did her eyes leave Taylor until they were both bare in the glow of the sunset.

“Come to me.”

Estela sat bolt upright in bed.

Holy fuck. What the fucking fuck was that?

What was this-- some sort of gay awakening? Never before had Estela felt so… so… intoxicated by another person. It was all at once frightening and addictive. Her heartbeat quickening, Estela let her hand delve into her pyjama pants, feeling. She shuddered to her own touch as her mind’s eye showed her Taylor’s lips… blurring out of focus… drawing her in until she was moaning against them. Then, as if zapped by an electric shock, she pulled her hand back up. Shit, shit shit… you can not feel like that! You don’t even know this girl!

But you want to.

Damnit, she was aching for that woman. That couldn’t have been a normal dream. In a normal dream, she wouldn't have woken up with the memory so vivid that she could practically feel the ghost of Taylor’s breath against her lips.

You could actually try talking to her. Maybe if you weren’t so fucking repressed it wouldn’t explode out of you like… that.

After an age, Estela managed to shut out her thoughts long enough to drop back off to sleep. But there she was again…. Taylor.

“I brought you a blanket… if you’re cold.”

Estela recoiled, eyes narrowing. “…Why?”

“I don’t know. To be nice?”

Though Taylor looked confused, she kept holding out the blanket. And Estela took it, draping it over her shoulders.

“Thank you.” She looked up to the stars-- stars that seemed to be… in the wrong place? “Where I’m from, people don’t do things for you without expecting something in return.”

For a moment, Taylor didn’t appear to quite know what to say to that. “Well…. Maybe people just want to be liked in return.”

“Isn’t that pathetic?” Estela quietly scoffed. “How lonely we all are?” She shifted her gaze from the night sky and smiled at Taylor. “But at least you’re honest about it.”

Again, she woke up. What the hell was going on?

________________________

The next week was unbearable. Estela wasn’t sure what it was-- was she putting out some kind of signal to the universe?-- but she couldn’t seem to keep herself from running into Taylor. If her presence had felt inescapable before, it had been nothing compared to this. In the halls. In the cafe-- which after a few days Estela had simply started avoiding completely. In Introductory Chemistry, in which of all the people she could have been grouped with for their practical component… of course, Taylor. Even just walking across campus between lessons, their paths would inexplicably cross. And each night, Estela would find herself lost in visions too vivid, too real to be dreams in the sense she knew.

Taylor holding her hand as they prepared to step through a mysterious portal with a group of other students. Taylor kissing her passionately while they tumbled, weightless in what looked to be some kind of space station. Taylor reaching desperately for her as she fell out the gaping side of a helicopter.

Whispered ‘I love you’s, exchanged huddled in a tent beneath the starriest of skies.

Awakening with tears streaming down her face was fast becoming Estela’s normal. Some weird crush, maybe she could’ve been able to handle, but the loneliness… it sent an ache down to her bones, a sadness that engulfed her whole body. She’d felt Taylor’s arms around her… the warmth, the comfort. She’d experienced some higher plane of bliss. But in reality, she hadn’t. And that hollow space left behind when she opened her eyes each morning hit like a slap in the face.

She lay in her bed, closing her eyes and trying to think of anything that might distract her from imagining Taylor spooning against her back-- why couldn’t she just be kept awake stressing about exams like all the other students? It would be better than this. Anything would be better than this.

With a groan, Estela hauled herself up and switched on the light. She poured herself a glass of water, and rubbed her temples.

I’m losing my fucking mind….

A piece of paper scrunched on her desk drew her eye. She’d thrown that thing out twice already, but somehow she couldn’t stop herself from rescuing it from the waste-paper basket within an hour. Taylor had given her a scribbled note of her details; where her room was, her phone number. ‘Just in case you ever need a friend’ she’d said.

It was too late to call. Estela downed her water in a single long gulp. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’m just gonna face her head-on.

What was the worst that could happen? This was just some girl she had a crush on, after all.

It was nothing but a very strange, very intense crush.

______________________________

The lecture theatre always filled up quickly for Introductory Chemistry. Estela never had to worry too much about finding a seat; as long as she didn’t leave it too late, all she had to do was move toward the area of her choice, and people would usually scatter. There was no denying that it hurt. Estela had gotten used to being alone; throughout her life, the only person who’d ever wanted to give her the time of day had been her uncle. And… well, the gentle-eyed blonde that she now found herself making a beeline for.

Painfully aware that her cheeks were burning hot and no doubt had flushed a bright red, she approached.

“Hi.” It wasn’t smooth. Estela tried to look anywhere but Taylor’s face. How was she supposed to look her in the eye when the things she’d been dreaming had been so… so… well, there hadn’t always been many clothes involved. “You don’t mind if I…?”

Taylor’s face cracked into a smile, big and broad and genuine. And the guy next to her-- Diego, Estela was pretty sure his name was-- looked, for some reason, almost as happy.

“Sit with us!” Taylor cried. “Maybe you can explain some of this crap to me. I swear these equations just go in one ear and out the other. Sorry-- I don’t think you’ve met properly? Diego-Estela, Estela- Diego.”

Estela nodded stiffly. It seemed that Taylor was around Diego a lot. A mortifying thought occurred to her… were they together? She couldn’t just assume Taylor was single. And… not straight. She certainly didn’t seem especially heterosexual in those blasted dreams….

God, my cheeks must be so bright-fucking-red you could probably see them from space. Joder.

“Hi,” she deadpanned.

“Hi,” said Diego, a little awkwardly.

And then, as if struck by a bolt from the blue, it dawned on Estela-- she knew his face. Not just from around Hartfeld; Diego had been there in the background in the dreams. He’d been one of the students. It wasn’t random… it was, aside from herself and Taylor, nine other people who were definitely Hartfeld students Estela knew by sight. Always those same students. And some other guy… and, uh, some tall elf-like man with blue skin, but that was probably just her dream-mind being creative.

All right. That’s very, very weird. Why those same nine people?

With the lecture beginning, Estela pushed those thoughts from her mind. She could ponder over her dreams later, when she didn’t have the woman who’d been on her mind all week sitting right there next to her.

As it happened, sitting with Taylor through a lecture turned out to be surprisingly comfortable. Perhaps because their focus was not directly on one another, Estela found she could relax a little. Taylor just slipped into her companionship as if it were natural, as if it were something they did every day.

As if they knew one another.

Taylor dropped her pen, and instinctively, Estela ducked down to pick it up. For a moment she hesitated, tucking a loose strand of hair behind hair, then handed it to her. Their fingers brushed, lingering there… and Estela felt a pleasurable flip-flopping of her stomach. When their eyes met, Taylor’s smile was sweet and soft.

“You dropped this,” Estela murmured.

“Thanks,” came the whispered reply.

Okay, Estela thought to herself, maybe… maybe getting to know Taylor-- actually getting to know Taylor, not some dreamland bullshit-- wouldn’t be the worst thing.

___________________________

In the days to come, Estela would sit by Taylor for their shared lectures. It became easy; she’d just sit and quietly just enjoy the company. If Diego was there, he’d usually chatter on about something or other that meant nothing to Estela, but it was hard not to be happy when Taylor was laughing along with her best friend.

The dreams didn’t stop. If anything, they were getting stranger. She dreamed herself pummelling some woman from Rourke International into the snow… punching the ever-living daylights out of her. Why? Taylor had been there, standing by. And then… a great, lumbering beast staggered out of the trees.… And she woke up. Then there’d been sea monsters, and pirates, and a hulking sabre-toothed cat…. What was consistent, though, was Taylor. Always Taylor.

During their next Chemistry lecture, Taylor seemed oddly… uneasy, as if something was on her mind. She was twitchy, and stared off into space as if oblivious to every word the professor was saying. What was more, Diego was quiet. Estela felt a sinking feeling in her stomach; something was wrong-- was it her? Of course it was her. It only made sense that Taylor got with the program eventually; no one wanted to be around the scary loner.

When the lecture finished and all the other students filed out, Taylor lingered, even after Diego had hurried off to his next class. She looked so lost and confused.

Estela spoke quietly. “Am I, um… am I making you uncomfortable? You don’t have to be polite if you’d rather I sat somewhere else….”

Taylor jumped, jolted from her clearly troubled thoughts. “No! No, I… I’m sorry. My head’s a mess right now.” She offered Estela a shaky smile. “But I do….” She took a deep breath. “I so need to talk to you about something. Not here-- the next class will be in here soon.”

Estela followed Taylor to the shade of a big tree, out of earshot of the crowds moving between lecture theatres. Every instinct in her told her this was bad news. Something was wrong… really wrong. She waited for Taylor to speak, not having a clue what to expect to hear.

“So, what is it? Are you okay?”

"This... isn't going to make much sense, okay? But it's the truth. I swear, I'm not lying to you." Taylor looked as if she was on the verge of tears. “You don’t know me,” she said simply after a tense pause, her tone at odds with the pain behind her eyes, pain that made Estela’s drop, “but you did once. Not in the past-- in the future….” Frustration played upon her face, and something like… desperation? “The world wasn’t meant to be like this. Rourke wasn’t meant to be ruling over everything. It was everything; all of history, hell maybe even time itself-- he bent it to his will and made it his plaything. You… think I’m crazy.”

Estela’s face clouded over as she digested what she was being told. Slowly, word by word, letting it sink in.

Yes. Yes, Taylor was clearly crazy. Fuck. Is that why she’s got me so wigged out? She’s obsessed with Rourke; no damn wonder she’s been trying to stalk me.

“Do you remember, ‘Stel? You’ve got to remember something-- La Huerta? We were on Rourke’s private island--”

“Listen.” Estela spoke with an ice-cold edge to her voice. She’d been taken for a fool. As if anyone could have wanted to be close to her simply for her. ‘Just want to be liked in return’?-- bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. How could she have been so stupid?

“That bastard is nothing, nothing to do with me. And if you come around talking insane conspiracy theories, it is not going to end well for you.” It wasn’t a threat, so much as a warning. Rourke was dangerous, and this weirdo was playing with fire. Whatever was wrong with Taylor, and clearly something was, it was messing with Estela’s head. She couldn’t be swept up in that bullshit. If she drew Rourke’s attention to herself, her very freedom could go up in flames. “Now, if you know what’s good for you-- if you don’t have a goddamn death wish… you stay away from me.”

She hadn’t been prepared for the look of utter devastation in Taylor’s face as it crumbled at those words. It threw Estela off-guard, and even through her anger, some inexplicable protective urge flared up within her. As if Taylor’s hurt was a knife twisting in her own chest. It was more than she knew what to do with. Her heart drumming furiously against her ribs, Estela pierced Taylor with a hard, lingering stare.

“Stay,” she growled, even as the effect of her words was terrible pain. Pain so all-engulfing that she could fall to her knees on the spot. “Away.”

And she fled.

#endless summer #rourke ending #estela montoya #estela x mc #gosh it's been a while since i've done one of these

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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 3 years

Text

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,544 Words

Summary: Twin trouble and the bakusquad plans to take Touya out shopping.

Warnings: Child Abuse Mention, Death Mention, Homophobia Mentions, Cursing, Injury Mention, Immunocompromised Character, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Notes: Touya’s clothes include links to what they look like.

Hair Dye Buddies: Chapter 3

Learning the basics with his new quirk took to him instantly as he used ways he'd used to watch their father train Shoto with his quirks. The snow felt so calm under his fingertips, the naturality of it far better than the fire that he was born with.

By the end of the class, several snowmen and snow angels had been made and he was very proud with his quick advancement. Everyone seemed happy with his quirk and it made him so eager to please them.

"Tomorrow's training will be more fighting with quirks. I need to get you all ready for the upcoming licensing exam." Aizawa told them on their walk back to class. "Yes, you will be included, Touya. I've spoken to Nezu and all you'll need to do is catch yourself up in your studies and your quirk training, which should be no problem given you take to things so easily. Though yours would be temporary." Aizawa told him.

"This doesn't mean you all will be hurrying to spar with each other tonight, I will put you in detention if you do. Touya, you're allowed to tinker around with your quirk under teacher supervision if you want since, even if you've taken hold of it quickly, it's still brand new to you." Aizawa told him.

Of course, Sir." He nodded, trailing with Shoto.

"So you're officially a UA student, Touya." He was giddy, he'd always wanted to attend UA but father forced him into a no-name school with barely any accountability for their students and had even listed him under their mother's maiden name to keep him away.

"How are Fuyumi and Natsuo?" Touya asked abruptly. Shoto looked bewildered at the sudden conversation shift. Then he realized it might be because Shoto was never allowed around them. He might not know their names, even.

"Sorry, I know you're not even that close to them, us three were so clumped together and you were so much later we never actually bonded together as siblings or anything and you were probably forced away once I was gone so you probably never even knew them." Touya sighed.

"Actually, we're pretty close now. I guess we all realized losing you meant we needed to stick together as much as possible. We even have a group chat without dad. We call it the Endeavor Hate Chat." Shoto smiled and Touya laughed.

"Oh, now you have to show me how much you bash the old man. How old's he now, 45, 46?"

"46. Just turned it like two months ago." Touya gave a chuckle.

"Wow, talk about the timing of that stupid deaging. It's the same time in the year too. I'm starting to think someone put a spell on me like Sleeping Beauty. Come back the same age five years later to torment my little brother." Touya teased.

"I'm not so little anymore. I'm a week older than you." Shoto teased back.

"Oh come on, it's not by much!" Touya exclaimed, getting the class to snicker at their petty argument of age.

"Anyway, how are Natsu and Yumi? You never answered." Touya reminded him.

"Well, Fuyumi's a kindergarten teacher's aid, she's got a secret girlfriend or two and a secret boyfriend too. That woman is pulling too many people at this point. I really have tried to get her to talk to a therapist about her mommy and daddy issues but it isn't really working as you can tell. Natsuo is in college still, becoming a nurse. He has a husband now, they eloped not this summer but the summer before. He's really happy. Both are doing okay. Yumi says she wants kids in the future still and I'm hoping Dad doesn't latch onto it and try to pick her a husband or something to keep 'good quirks' in the family."

Touya smiled knowing his now-older siblings were happy in life. It was all he'd hoped they'd get when he was younger, he couldn't believe they got their happy endings despite his lack of involvement.

"Me, though, I'm going to be a hero just to save people. Unlike his goals for me, I want to be a hero that's a good person as well as a good hero so he won't be giving me the title of Number One, he'll be handing his mantle to part of the next generation he didn't make, likely. And he has a rude awakening if he thinks he'll get his grandchildren to succeed him." Shoto smiled deviously.

"Why?" Touya asked.

"Because he doesn't know I'm gay yet and I won't be giving him biological grandchildren. I plan to adopt kids in need instead. The only children he'll have are Fuyumi's and yours." Shoto proudly stated.

"You say this like I'm not gay too. I'm not having kids." Touya cackled.

"Yumi's got a whole next family generation on her hands then. All the boys can now wipe their hands clean of the reproduction process." Shoto was trying hard not to laugh, so was Touya.

"I ain't never seen four straight siblings. Always three of 'em gotta be gay." Midoriya announced, bursting the whole class into laughter besides the grape-looking gremlin.

"Ew, gays!" The juice gremlin exclaimed, interrupting everyone's fun.

"Shut the fuck up, Mineta." Aizawa instructed the grape gremlin.

"Yes, sir." Mineta agreed.

"I'm glad you ended up bonding with them. I remember being so worried when you were born because the three of us had each other and you were five years younger than us. I was always worried you'd never bond with us."

"Well, you guys were triplets. It's a different bond, I guess." Shoto sighed. "I just know that they were devastated when they heard you disappeared. We all thought you'd run away because the old man never said anything about kicking you out. We thought you'd died on the streets. You have a tombstone in Mom's garden still." Shoto told him.

"They always did joke about burying me in the yard." Touya laughed.

"I'm so glad you get another chance at life. Once we're able to tell Natsuo and Fuyumi, they'll be overjoyed." Shoto butted his shoulder with his own.

"I hope they'll be happy." Touya smiled a bit.

The day was easy after that. He wasn't all that behind in his studies, even excelled a English. During a hero lesson, he got sent to Recovery Girl, who tried to figure out the quirk that caused this and how it worked.

They'd ultimately ended up that this was more than likely permanent now that things had changed from how his life had originally went, especially once he told her of Ryuu and the quirk change. Then she forcefully healed the cuts and burns on his hands and arms from Ryuu and sent him back to class for Math.

The school day was over before he knew it and he was following Bakugou back to the dorms and he went to his own room, it was still bare, just a bed and a desk and a television set up in the corner.

"Hey, Cotton Candy, we're going out, you wanna come?" Bakugou asked.

"I'd be in my school uniform. Aren't we not supposed to wear them when we're not on campus?" He asked.

"We're the same size, just take some clothes. Mina wants to go clothes shopping anyway." Bakugou told him.

"Okay, but I don't have any money." Touya reminded him.

"IcyHot already agreed to let you take your dad's credit card. We're buying you clothes whether you like it or not." Bakugou told him, shoving some clothes at him and he fumbled a second but held them while Bakugou closed his door. "Get dressed! We're leaving in like twenty minutes once Pikachu does his makeup."

Touya was grateful Bakugou had handed him black jeans with cuts on the knees and a baggy black sweater with a skull on it, the comfort of it was astronomical. He put back on the black boots he'd shown up to UA in last night and headed out to Mina in the men's hallway, wolf whistling at him and Sero laughing telling him he fit right in.

"Question, does anyone have a mask I can borrow? My immune system is pretty weak, I got a lot of the weaker genetics in the family so I get sick pretty easy."

"Yeah, man, Shoji has a ton of extra masks." Sero told him. Kirishima was already knocking on Shoji's door for him.

"Hey, man, can Touya borrow a mask, his immune system sucks and we're taking him out shopping."

"Sure, I have some smaller ones my sister sent me a while back that don't fit me." Shoji rummaged a moment and then handed Kirishima a few masks with Halloween themed patterns on them. "Have fun out in the world, Touya." Shoji reminded him.

"I will, thank you, Shoji!" Touya smiled brightly at him as he put on the black mask with the orange and yellow jack'o'lantern pattern.

Being handed Endeavor's credit card by Shoto and told to go wild at the mall was like a fever dream when he used to have to ask and beg for months for new things and then he was made to work himself to the bone for it.

Taglist: @lgbtforeverything @rin-tanaka @everythingisstardust

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bisluthq · 3 years

Note

*WARNING Domestic violence topic* Could you explain to me why seven could sound queer?, Like I can see how many Taylor songs can be interpreted in a queer way, but with seven I can't see it, like for me it's clearly about domestic violence and the only possible queer thing I can hear it's the closet part...but in this particular case I do not think it refers to sexuality but to literally hiding form your abusive parents. Sorry if this was asked before or if it's disrespectful to ask.

So firstly let me just say that victims of abuse who hear that in the song are so valid. And I’m not here to “take away” a song that speaks to that experience. If it brings you comfort and relief, that’s amazing.

Do I think Taylor meant it as a song about domestic violence or escaping from that? Honestly, no. Because she described herself in LPSS as longing for that time in her life and talked about how she misses being able to throw tantrums and feel more freely and without judgement; in her head she’s thinking about this period in her life very fondly. Now, this is one of those death of the author moments because if you’re an abuse survivor who found comfort in this you... shouldn’t care wtf Taylor meant by it, what matters is what it means to you. Same as how if betty speaks to your sapphic teenage love triangle, it shouldn’t matter that Taylor imagined James as a boy.

But yeah, so for Taylor it was not meant to be about abuse. It was about feeling stuff more freely. And let’s take a look and examine at why it feels so fucking gay to... like... basically every queer woman.

Please picture me

In the trees

I hit my peak at seven

Okay so Taylor is setting up a narrator - presumably herself. Especially in the context of her hyperconfessional marketing and the LPSS explanation we’re literally meant to picture Tay. But tbh that doesn’t matter so much - it could be any little girl. This little girl is “in the trees”... which isn’t really where little girls are supposed to be. In these very first lines Tay is setting up a little tomboy character.... and then she says “I hit my peak at seven” - ergo this rugrat period of abandon, where I was free to play in the trees, is “my peak”. It was the best time in “my” life.

Lots of people feel that, it’s not inherently gay, but for queer women - I don’t know about other shades of queer but suspect yes - childhood often represents even greater freedom than to hets because it’s before we felt deviant. There was nothing to compare ourselves to. Sure, we might’ve played families in het couples like heteronormativity is felt by children too, but that kind of thing was largely asexual and we didn’t know yet that other people felt differently about it all.

Like I only realized I was different in late middle school and I didn’t have the word for it for ages tbh. Like I just knew I didn’t get the fuss about boys. When I was a little kid? I didn’t know what the fuss was really. It was a kind of “peak” so yeah, I feel that in my bones.

Feet

In the swing

Over the creek

I was too scared to jump in, but I, I was high

In the sky

Here we have her playing, once again with reckless abandon - she’s standing on a swing (naughty!) and swinging high over a creek. But she’s slightly nervous. I relate to that too, it’s not a gay thought it’s a little kid thought I think - because while she’s enjoying her freedom and the chance to play, there’s an awareness of the risk. That’s a lot of childhood and what makes her such a greater songwriter is how she’s able to capture these feelings we’ve all had before, in this case the rumbunctious nature of free play paired with the cautious nervousness of knowing you can fall.

With Pennsylvania under me

I mean this simple makes it more autobiographical for her, like if we didn’t know her was her that was the me , now we really do.

Are there still beautiful things?

This is speaks to her nostalgia for this time period and serves to highlight how much she misses it. She wishes she was young and innocent and had that freedom of playing in the trees and above the creek and feeling like she’s flying just because she’s standing upright on the swing. This is meant to be her “peak”.

Sweet tea in the summer

Cross your heart, won't tell no other

The first line is setting up mood again, it’s innocence and suburbia and freedom and the hot days of summer vacation. The second is a common English phrase - for the ESL folks - that means “let’s keep a secret”. It’s extremely common for little girls especially to have secrets with each other. “You’re my best friend and I’ll tell you something I haven’t told anyone else before but cross your heart you won’t tell anyone else” is the kind of thing that has probably happened at a sleepover for every woman (gay or straight). So Tay’s whispering and telling secrets to her best friend aged seven in the heat of the summer and the neat rhymes kinda remind me of those clapping games you play as a kid.

And though I can't recall your face

I still got love for you

Again, I think this isn’t specific to gay kids necessarily - it’s that idea of having lifelong affection for your first best friend even when you don’t know where they are, can’t imagine them in adulthood, maybe can’t even remember their surname and frankly don’t really want to or care... but you still have warm feelings towards them.

Your braids like a pattern

Love you to the moon and to Saturn

So the friend is a girl. And here’s where the non wlw readers will have to work with me a little bit because as I’ve explained before a very common, enteral part of the queer female experience is obsession with other girls’ femininities. We notice things like hair and clothes and makeup on girls far more than straight girls seem to and waaay more than het guys do. A friend of mine who is v butch noticed like minor shit that any of us change in our appearance. Describing in detail a girl’s appearance feels - on a gut level - pretty gay. Now this isn’t a detailed description, but she links this physical trait - this pretty, braided hair her friend has - to loving her.

Now, she is a child in this story. This isn’t a sexual kind of thing in the child’s mind. She’s obviously not “in love” with her friend aged seven. But she is saying her deep, overwhelming love for her friend is inextricably linked - via rhyme scheme - to her feminine appearance.

This incredibly close, quasi homoerotic friendship is a near universal wlw experience and I’m sorry but it differs from straight girls’ close friendships because it’s... a lot. It is “love you to the moon and to Saturn” and obsessing over her clothes and hair and little habits.

And there’s no vocab for this, nothing to prepare you for it and nobody bats an eye because little girls are supposed to be friends with one another but like... you’re way overinvested and often that other girl isn’t and starts to drift away because she isn’t having this language free connection and it’s legit heartbreaking.

Passed down like folk songs

The love lasts so long

This childhood friendship becomes an anecdote, a moment of folkloric storytelling, but it never completely fades away and tapping into this first - not quite sexual but very sapphic - experience is super easy.

And I've been meaning to tell you

I think your house is haunted

Your dad is always mad and that must be why

And I think you should come live with

Me and we can be pirates

This sets up the narrative some people - I understand where y’all are coming from and I am here for it - hear of domestic abuse. The thing is, it’s not Tay’s character who is getting abused. Tay is a small child - and she’s envious of and nostalgic for that era of her life, when she thought that her best best best friend’s asshole dad was simply reacting to ghosts. It speaks to an innocence her character has which may not be shared by her friend, the girl with the braids.

But Tay is innocent and she says “come with me” and run away so we can be pirates together. Now, on a very basic and superficial pop culture level it’s worth noting Keira Knightley in POTC is pretty fundamental to any queer millennial woman’s sexual awakening. However, that’s not what Tay’s referencing here. She’s saying, at least on some level, let’s run away and be gender nonconforming. Again, she’s a small child. She doesn’t know why she wants that. But she doesn’t tell her friend “let’s run away and be princesses” - she wants to be a pirate. It links to the first scene in the song of her being a tomboy in the trees and on the swing, honestly. There were also a number of cross dressing female pirates, many of whom were gay back in the day so it’s a subtle nod to how a lot of childhood fantasies actually are rooted in possible historical fact.

But also come on, every queer girl wanted to be a pirate idk why really we just did. Like I say I can explain it as a desire not to conform to gender norms but it’s also just... another weirdly common fantasy that she’s tapping into.

Like idk this song is so fucking gay and it’s not trying to be but every line is just... felt in my bones. Like little me is seen by this song.

Then you won't have to cry

Or hide in the closet

This is obvi the line people go on about and look. The friend’s dad is clearly an asshole like that’s established. But the line has a double meaning. She’s saying if you run away with me to be a pirate on the high seas you won’t have to cry anymore and you won’t hide in the closet. It’s an innocent thought but it’s also a double meaning, right? You won’t be abused, you won’t be sad. And you’ll be with me out of the closet. It could’ve been “hide under the bed” or “behind the curtains”. But she picked closet. And that word gives this verse a second meaning, which is particularly palpable given as I say this is a very gay song from a thematic standpoint.

And just like a folk song

Our love will be passed on

Again, this is a deeeeep love. This is someone she wants to run away with. And she probably doesn’t know why, she probably doesn’t have the words. She’s a little kid. But this friend of hers is the person she wants to rescue and run away with and be together with even though she - Tay - is pretty content otherwise. In fact, she longs for this time in her life. It was full of beautiful things. And yet despite being happy, she was willing to drop it all for her little female friend she was clearly preoccupied with.

Please picture me

In the weeds

Before I learned civility

I used to scream

Ferociously

Any time I wanted

I, I

Again, this reiterates she is nostalgic for this time period. It was a good time in Taylor’s life. It was a time when she could be herself, before she had learned civility and what was expected from her by society. Which ties back to that thing I said right in the beginning, about how this first quasi sapphic friendship is cherished by queer women because we didn’t know it was weird. We hadn’t “learned civility” yet. We could scream, we could run around and climb trees, and we could ask our friends to run away with us not knowing those thoughts didn’t occur to them with the same intensity.

Sweet tea in the summer

Cross my heart, won't tell no other

And though I can't recall your face

I still got love for you

We’ve discussed this already. It’s still queer coded to me.

Pack your dolls and a sweater

We'll move to India forever

Passed down like folk songs

Our love lasts so long

So she’s once again cementing the fact that this is a little female friend with the dolls, and again suggests running away together and says even though none of that happened and she grew up and realized this... was actually a fairly specific experience not a universal universal one and she learned civility and heteronormativity but this foundational, pure, innocent gay love... will always remain in its complete innocuous harmlessness but immense power.

And so, yeah. This song is probably Taylor’s gayest shortly followed by Treacherous.

But if it means something else to you, I’m by no means taking it away. Anyone can enjoy her music in any way they like.

It’s just weird that most queer women feel their childhood selves are completely seen by this song if it was a complete accident 🤷🏻‍♀️

#tw domestic violence #tw domestic abuse #sapphic themes in tay’s music

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chastitybottomtoy · 4 years

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Chastity Dreams: Day 23

I woke up this morning to the dull throb of my dick trying to force it's way out of it's tight steel cage. From the very moment my groggy eyes opened, my brain has been bombarding my sexual psyche with fantasies of the person I am going to become.

I imagined how good it would feel to wake up with a metal collar locked securely around my neck. I'm in a cage with steel bars. I have enough room that I can turn over comfortably. I realize as I awaken that not only have I been collared, but there is a thick chain locked around my waist. Metal shackles are on my wrists. I realize suddenly that the cage I'm confined in is underneath a bed.

As I lay there trying to figure out how I got there, I heard footsteps approaching. Obviously I was very nervous. I do not remember anything about last night. All I did was go to a gay bar to play pool and have a few drinks, and maybe find someone with a tasty cock that i could feed from.

Suddenly the door opens, and I see three sets of boots, all of them black latex with at least six inch heels. A weak moan escapes my lips as I realize my big cock is turning purple, trying so hard...in vain...to have an erection. I should be scared.

I am scared. But I'm excited too. Excited enough that my caged dick is beginning to trickle a tiny drop of cum. I dab it with my finger and apply it to my lips like an expensive gloss. I do know know how it does it, or why...but none of that matters...cum makes me go insane.

Insane enough that I don't realize there is someone opening the cage door the whole time I was painting my lips with my cum. It is a woman...but there is something different about her. Different...but exquisite.

"Come out," she beckoned me. "When you approach me, it will be on your hands and knees, and you will keep your head down."

She stood back up, and inexplicably I do exactly as she directed, crawling out of the cage, to the middle of the room, with my nose to the floor. I stop when i reach the three pairs of boots that were standing outside the cage. I do not dare to look up. My balls are throbbing from the cock cage.

"Kiss my boots, slave." I'm told by the woman in the center, the same one who opened my cage. I lean down to kiss her shiny black latex boot. The moment my lips touch it, I hear a quick whooshing sound as a leather flogger impacts soundly against my round white ass. My body jerks violently, but I take it with a quiet grunt.

"Look up and face me."

As I raised up, I found myself face to face with a beautiful cock, not hard, but rather slightly engorged with blood so that it was thick, and dark in color. It looked like it could get a lot bigger.

I feel like I'm on drugs, but it is just the fear and anticipation of what is to come. It is better than any drug I could ever imagine. My mouth opened automatically, as if I was programmed from infancy to be a cocksucker.

My lips just barely touched her mouth-watering cock when I received another stinging rebuke from a leather flogger...this time from the other side. As my head snapped back from the pain, I saw a shiny black latex-gloved hand approach rapidly and and slap me hard across my face. I groaned outloud. I wanted that cock so bad.

My head snapped to the right, where I was surprised by the sight of another thick half-hard cock. My mouth dropped open and l lunge towards it because I need it in my mouth. Once again I am denied as flogger rains down 3 hard blows on my ass.

I snap back up, straight on my knees, and as I turn back to the woman in the middle, I see another woman on her left, with a cock every bit as beautiful as the others. I stupidly try to lunge for it, because cock makes me so crazy, and as expected, the flogger strikes hard, this time five times, from the woman on the right, and a hard slap to each side of the face from the woman in the middle.

"You have a lot to learn."

I slowly look up, and I see the underside of a set of large latex-covered breasts, riding atop an under-breast corset. I lean back and see the face of a beautiful woman, a woman like I've never seen...beautiful in a way beyond the normal beauty of women. I'm starting to wonder if this is what it feels like to be a bitch.

I cannot tell you what the women at her sides looked like, except that they wore Matte Black latex catsuits. They obviously took being women very seriously, because there is no way those big breasts in those suits could be natural. Their faces were concealed by latex masks, and both of them wore dark Fuschia lipstick. They both had leather floggers in hand.

"You signed the contract last night. All obligations were laid out perfectly clear. You still have the opportunity to back out, or you can show us your cock-worshipping skills right now, and accept the terms permanently."

I am definitely not in my right mind. I have cock intoxication. I've never really ever done anything gay, and suddenly here I am. And what contract? Did someone spike my drink lastnight? I literally have no idea where I even am. Only a brainless sissy bimbo would take this deal.

All of that thinking only took about half a second before I scooped up the lady's half hard cock in my mouth, sealing my lips halfway down it before I started feeling it grow rapidly, forcing my lips apart. I can't even think!

My hands reach out to the sides and I grip the two Rubberdoll's growing cocks in each hand and begin to jerk them off, all the while moving my mouth up and down the thick length of flesh that is now poking the back of my throat.

I resist gagging as her fucking the back of my throat works up a bunch of saliva. I pull my mouth off her cock and lick it up and down on top, the sides, and up and down the big beautiful pronounced vein that will eventually deliver my hot reward. I spit on the bulging head, and tightly jerking the other two, I lunge forward and plunge her massive dick down my throat.

I can feel my throat stretched tight from her huge girth. No air can get in. I cannot breathe at all. I can feel myself trying to gag, but she pulls my collar chain tight and holds my head down firmly with her other hand.

My body starts quaking. The rubberdolls on both sides start flogging my delicious ass over and over without mercy. I'm being suffocated with cock. This lady is fucking my throat mercilessly. I suddenly feel her cock expand even more. She holds my head down and cries out.

The last thing I remember is my weak hands losing their grip on the cocks, and a violent quaking in my throat as I became the recipient of a very large gushing hot load of cum deposited directly into my stomach. Then just blackness.

When I awoke, I realized i was strapped down tightly on my back, to the bed with thick cargo tiedowns, with just my head hanging off the side.

"Now that you're awake, we can resume. Ladies..."

That was followed by a harsh slap across the face and suddenly, two latex -covered hands pushed my head down, and a thick pre-lubed girl cock forced it's entire length down my throat.

All I can do is lie there on my back and take it. They immobilized me and turned me into a toy for throatfucking. One of them would fuck my mouth hard for about a minute or two, then they would switch. They'd let me breathe just enough to keep me conscious.

They kept at it like that for at least twenty or thirty minutes...the longest twenty or thirty minutes of my life. But somehow I felt nothing but happiness and fulfillment.

Suddenly all motion stopped. I couldn't breathe anymore. This time it was the rubberdoll with her cock quivering and exploding deep in my throat directly into my stomach. My eyes rolled back and I tried to moan as the other Rubberdoll cried out loudly and began spraying my face with her hot cum.

The first one pulled out of my throat and I gasped desperately for air. I could feel the warm cum running down my face, some of it into my eyes and mouth. My eyes burned and my tongue licked around ravenously, trying to save all the cum I could.

"I am satisfied." The Rubberdolls looked at her and nodded in agreement. "You can lie here restrained till all the cum on your face dries. Think about what you just did. Think about who you really are. Think about who we are going to help you become. Then maybe you'd like to look at the contract you signed. There is no backing out now, faggot."

I lie there for probably an hour. I would have been shaking if it were not for the straps. Fear, excitement, anticipation...arousal. I was in system overload. All I know is that I kept hearing the words "sissy cumslut" over and over in my head. The weirdest thing I felt was a complete sense of satisfaction.

The door opened. In walked the three women. They were in normal clothes now. Sexy as hell though. I love their micro mini skirts. It is hard to believe these women are so domineering. They unstrapped me and led me by my collar to a chair and table. Then they secured my shackles to the chair.

In front of me was the contract. I was surprised at how long it was. I was even more surprised by the title - "Four Party Agreement for the Ownership, Submission, Confinement, Sissification, and Bimbofication of Isaac C."

Holy shit. I am in deep. But I've never been so aroused. I cannot believe this actually happened. I'm never going to be the same. Bring it on. And still all I can think about is cock.

I started scanning the contract. It is pretty much an agreement on a roadmap for a new life.

1. You shall refer to your Masters as Owners One, Two, and Three respectively.

2. Your chastity cage is permanent. It will NEVER come off, with the exception of medical purposes, when under strict supervision, and/or when you've been restrained in a manner which inhibits any ability to touch yourself.

DO NOT asked to be let out, or punishment and conditioning will ensue.

3. You will never be allowed an orgasm through penile stimulation. The only orgasm you are permitted to experience is if you are being ass-fucked. Any orgasm will cause for punishment.

DO NOT request to be allowed an orgasm, or punishment and conditioning will ensue.

4. You will not leave the house without direct supervision. Anytime you are out of the house, you will be plugged anally.

5. You will undergo intense conditioning to enable you to reach your full potential as broken sissy cumslut slave.

Being a true sissy bimbo takes work.

6. You will submit to all forms of bondage asked of you.

7. You will eagerly worship every cock with your mouth, and be fucked anally by any and all we choose, no matter how great the number.

8. You will not waste cum, or you will be punished.

9. You'll be feminized through use of drugs and hypnosis.

10. You will always wear slutty clothes befitting a cumslut.

11. Your body will be kept smooth and waxed at all times.

12. You will keep your body fit to please us.

13. You will be trained for the purpose of being a Bimbo Rubberdoll party favor. You will be rented out for trusted customers.

14. You hold us free of liability for any physical or mental changes that may occur.

15. You are required to become a Sissy Bimbo. You will wear massive bimbo breast forms adhered to your chest.

16. When and only when we have determined you are worthy, you will be implanted with freaky big bimbo breast implants. When that day arrives, you will have truly earned your life of sexual enslavement.

I was overwhelmed. This is really happening...and I love it!

My owners restrained my hands, stuffed a ball bag in my mouth and put me back in my cage.

"Get some sleep. Tomorrow is indoctrination day. Your going to need all your strength to make it through. It will be a jumpstart on your sissification." I lay there quietly (no choice being gagged) as they climbed on the bed and went to sleep. What will tomorrow bring?

I woke up to my cage being opened. My owners led me to a dark room. In the middle was a bondage device. It was metal and leather. A frame. Designed for me to kneel on my hands and knees in. They strapped my arms and legs tightly to the base. A leather strap and metal bar held my hips tight, and a fixed metal collar was closed and locked around my neck. I was shaking from anticipation.

As I knelt there, aroused to a crazy extent by my vulnerablity, Owner One forced wireless headphones in my ears. They were playing on a long playlist of sissy/bimbo/cocksucker hypno. This was going to be my initial programming.

Owner Two slipped a blindfold over my eyes. Lights out. They were serious. Sensory deprivation programming. If I could have seen or heard anything, I would have known that my owners had opened the door, and in had walked a long string of men...and some shemales. Ten to be exact, not counting my three owners.

Little did I know that my daily training ran nine to five. So indoctrination day was going to be eight long hours of being gangbanged by a room full of thirteen horny cocks. Nobody ever told me they all took viagra so they could keep me under continuous programming for the whole eight hours.

I was listening to the voice in my ears telling me what a nasty cocksucker I am, when I felt a thick, hot, lubed dick force it's way in my ass. It hurt bad. But the pain washed away fast.

I was groaning loudly. I could feel the orgasm building quickly in my ass. Never had I ever thought anyone alive could ever feel this slutty. Is this what a girl feels? I do not know. I do not care.

I started shaking violently and straining hard against my bonds. I'll never be the same after this. This is the ONLY way I ever want to cum again. I am destined to be an anal slut.

I could not contain it anymore, the loud cry began to escape from my throat...but was quickly stifled by an unknown large cock, which began fucking my mouth vigorously. I was in heaven!!!

For eight long torturously beautiful hours it lasted. I really do not know how long it felt like. Just darkness, and various throbbing cocks, smashing my body together from both ends, as the voices tell me what a slutty bitch I am.

I think I even passed out a couple times. I remember feeling hot cum hitting my body, from every angle, and feeling load after load of hot gushing cum fill my holes full.

Thirteen people on Viagra is a lot of loads. They must have filled and covered me with at least forty to fifty shots.

Suddenly it stopped. Everyone left. loads. I was stuck there. Shivering from being covered in cum. So that is what a bukakke gangbang is like.

As I lie there pondering everything, I fell asleep mentally giving in to the fact that I am now cumslut, and this will be my life. Bathed in cum. Slave to cock.

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yurimother · 4 years

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LGBTQ Light Novel Review - Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka Vol. 1

*Contains minor spoilers for Bloom Into You*

I have always said that Bloom Into You is a little bit too popular and awarded more praise than the typical and trope-filled story deserves. However, fame and success have their benefits, and thanks to the series’ popularity, we are gifted with the phenomenal light novel spin-off Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka. This wondrous collaboration between the original creator, Nio Nakatani, and famed Yuri author Iruma Hitoma (Adachi and Shimamura) takes the very best elements of Bloom Into You, namely side character Sayaka and her experiences with LGBT identity and life and puts them front and center. The result is a beautiful and important coming of age story about a young woman discovering her sexuality. A story that not only escapes the common traps of the Yuri genre but utilizes and subverts them with flawless execution.

The first volume in the Regarding Saeki Sayaka light novel trilogy revolves around the titular character before the events of the main series. The entire book is narrated from Sayaka’s first-person perspective and told in the past tense, with Sayaka occasionally giving brief retrospective insights to contextualize her experiences. This presentation excellently frames the story, giving valuable analysis to its events, heck, Sayaka can probably do my job better than I could. The ex post facto storytelling also pairs nicely with the dramatic irony present in the story, provided that the reader has read the manga or seen the anime. On that point, while the light novel effectively stands on its own legs, reading it as a companion piece and prologue to Bloom Into You will significantly increase the book’s impact.

The first of the volume’s two parts, Year 5 Group 3, paints a portrait of childhood Sayaka. She is serious and mature for her age, often pushing herself to be the best in every area, both academic and extracurricular. However, she has apparent social deficiencies, remaining distant at best, and hostile at worst to others. She is surprised, annoyed, and challenged when a student in her swim class attempts to bond with her. The girl displays a strong affinity for Sayaka and, although at their age describing their connection as romantic or sexual feels inaccurate, she clearly yearns for a bond beyond friendship.

Frustrated by the girl’s advances and erratic personality, Sayaka angrily tells her to be more serious. Determined to win Sayaka’s affection, the girl attempts to mimic Sayaka’s mature demeanor. This act subconsciously implants the idea in Sayaka’s head that people must change themselves to suit the ones they desire, a lesson which later proves dangerous for her. Soon after, Sayaka begins experiencing strange feelings for the girl, which further her frustration. The confused Sayaka attempts to explain away her emotions, “I mean, the person next to me was a girl, and so was I.” However, after a sexually charged moment in the pool, the fearful Sayaka runs away and quits her swimming class.

This first chapter effectively lays the foundation for Sayaka’s sexual awakening and foreshadows some of the situations in which she will later find herself. Although Iruma’s prose, and Jan Cash and Vincent Castaneda’s translation’ is expressive and beautiful, capturing Sayaka’s inner voice superbly, there are a few flaws. The service described, including details about the locker room and the girls’ swimsuits, is incredibly awkward, especially considering the elementary school-aged characters. The climactic moment between the two, while appropriately dramatic, is undercut by this exploitation and its inherently ridiculous nature. Thankfully the second half of the book, Class 2-C, Tomosumi Girls’ Academy, lacks the off-putting elements of the first and perfectly sets Sayaka up as the character we know and love from the original series.

As Sayaka enters middle school, she becomes slightly less rigid and strict than she was as an elementary schooler. Instead, she is an excellent reflection of the girl seen in the original series, a serious and driven person but reliably kindhearted. She joins the choir club, where she meets Yuzuki Chie, referred to almost exclusively as “Senpai.” Followers of the original will quickly come to recognize this character as Sayaka’s ex-girlfriend, briefly seen in the manga and anime. Yuzuki confesses her love for Sayaka, leaving the latter to ponder the implications of dating her.

The sequence which follows this confession is nothing short of masterful. A once again conflicted Sayaka struggles to comprehend the possibility of dating Yuzuki. She thinks of the potential relationship as both one between two individuals and as a romance between two people who are both women. In the end, she decides that, although she does not yet love her senpai, she wants to try dating. Their relationship is full of adolescent naivetés and fluttering emotions.

Sayaka lacks a reference to healthy love and relationships, so, just as the girl from her swimming class did, she changes to become a figure that Yuzuki can love, telling her what she wants to hear and doing what will make her happy. For example, although Sayaka does not enjoy novels, she visits a bookstore, which turns out to be the Koito family’s, to buy and read one of Yuzuki’s favorite books. Eventually, their relationship escalates, and Sayaka admits that she has fallen in love with her partner. However, after moving up to high school, Yuzuki begins to pull away from Sayaka.

Their ultimate showdown and break up is reminiscent of Class S literary themes, with Yuzuki claiming the relationship was play, acting out, and mimicking fiction’s prevailing narrative of romance. However, now that they are nearly adults, and as they are both women, the “play” is no longer appropriate. Sayaka, however, does not feel the same way, and herein lies Regarding Saeki Sayaka’s pure brilliance. Iruma subtly and expertly hides small lines and hints to this difference throughout the book. Yuzuki speaks mostly in romantic clichés as if imitating romance movies or books, “Senpai often speaks like she’s in a story.” However, Sayaka shows genuine commitment and devotion to her partner, working (foolishly) to change herself for Yuzuki and occasionally thinking of their future together, once wondering if they would be together when they were old ladies.

Their actions contradict each other’s so much because Sayaka, the girl who strived to be mature and act like an adult from an early age, does not see the relationship between two girls as immature or a game. To her, it was a very genuine experience that helped lead her to her ultimate revelation and the light novel’s amazing final lines, “I accepted it. It wasn’t understanding or resignation, just acceptance. Of myself, and of the fact that I could only love girls.” Here both the author and the character have openly rejected the S era ideas that love between women is fleeting and childish, Sayaka comes to see herself as a gay woman (although she sadly does not employ this specific terminology). Here the book elevates itself past the original series and embraces the more modern and queerer era of Yuri.

Iruma Hitoma has done the impossible, taking a good Yuri story and transforming it into a great one, rewarding readers with a thoughtful and nuanced experience detailing a young woman’s confusion and strife as she discovers her identity. It is by no means perfect, as all the side characters are thin and underdeveloped, yet they do not need to be. This story is exclusively Sayaka’s, and the others exist only to serve the amazing development and growth gracefully communicated in this stunning light novel.

However, as I wrap up this review, I cannot help but think of how much easier Sayaka’s experience would have been, how much clarity she may have had, and the pain she could have avoided, had she learned about LGBTQ identities and experiences before her tribulations. It is so essential for the young to see positive representation of all peoples in both fiction and reality as they grow up, and perhaps ironically, Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka Volume 1 has joined the elite ranks of titles which can positively impact the lives of its readers. It contains a wonderful, authentic, and grounded story of coming to terms with one’s sexuality. This light novel is an absolute must-read, even if you are not a fan of the original series, and I cannot wait for its continuation, especially as the upcoming third volume hints at a tale about a happy Sayaka and her girlfriend.

Ratings: Story – 10 Characters – 9 LGBTQ – 9 Sexual Content – 4 Final – 9

Order Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka here: https://amzn.to/31QgIaR

Review copy provided by Seven Seas Entertainment @sevenseasentertainment

#reviews #lgbt #yuri #lgbtq #lgbtq+#queer #bloom into you #Yagate Kimi ni Naru #girls love #gl #wlw #gay #coming out #representation #anime #manga #light novel #literature

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alloutofgoddesses · 3 years

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List 10 different female faves from 10 different fandoms

I got tagged by my fav @daniwouldnever! Thank you I’m very excited and honoured. I will admit that this was more difficult than expected. Anyway, in no particular order...

1. Charlie Bradbury - Supernatural

Charlie was the first lesbian I ever saw on screen. She was nerdy and brilliant and a redhead and a total fucking badass. I knew I liked her from the moment she started dancing in the elevator, but was completely in love with her by the time she said “I’m the one who saves damsels in distress around here.” I was able to find myself through Charlie, and I will forever be grateful for that. Also she looks like she gives really good hugs, which is always a required factor of being a fave of mine.

2. Sadie Kane- The Kane Chronicles

Egyptian gods I love this girl. I think when the first book came out I was only one or two years younger than her and I idolized her. Her sass and constant teasing of her polar opposite brother were very familiar to me. I desperately wanted to be able to dye streaks in my hair like her and wear ‘punk’ clothes. What I love the most about Sadie though is her heart. She puts up a very tough front but she wears her heart on her shoulder and would do anything for those she cares about. No offence to her author but my headcanon is that she’s definitely a lesbian experiencing some hardcore comphet. For her sake I hope it wasn’t too hard breaking up with her god boyfriend once she figured it out.

3. Anne Shirley - Anne of Green Gables

For those that aren’t aware, I’m named after this one. It’s my middle name, yeah, but with four letters my mother managed to manifest a daughter with pretty much the exact same personality as the tenacious redhead from Green Gables. Honestly, I don’t mind one bit. If I had to choose a character to be kindred spirits with, it’d be Anne.

4. Draculaura - Monster High

She’s pink! She sleeps in a coffin! Her style is to die for! She was the first Monster High doll I ever owned! She’s pink! She drinks vegan smoothies and cries easily when she’s frustrated! Draculaura is kind and welcoming and has untreated ADHD! I just really love her okay I get excited.

5. General Leia Organa - Star Wars

I mean. It’s Leia Organa why do I have to explain? She’s smarter than her brother and (ex?) husband combined. She’s the prettiest woman in space. While Charlie was the first lesbian I saw, the Princess was my gay awakening. (With help from Padme too)

6. Nile Freeman - The Old Guard

Again. Why do I have to explain. I love everything about her and every second she’s on screen, but my favourite moment comes after her fight with Andy on the plane. She’s been killed, kidnapped, killed again, had her faith called bullshit, gotten into a fight, had bones broken that healed in seconds, just generally had the rug pulled from beneath her feet in every conceivable way and her external freak out lasts what... thirty seconds? Before she allows Andy to pull her up. Nile’s strength and compartmentalization is insane. She knows it’s not time for her to have a full breakdown, so she doesn’t. She comes from warriors indeed.

7. Elena Alvarez - One Day At A Time

Ah Elena. Similar ages, sexuality, interests, fathers. I just like her. She’s extremely relatable, and I can’t watch certain episodes without bawling.

8. Marceline the Vampire Queen - Adventure Time

As we have established I like vampires. Of all shapes and sizes. They tend to come with tragic backstories and Marceline kind of takes the cake in that regard. She’s very sentimental! She’s mischievous and sings! Her girlfriend is literally Bubblegum!

9. Aurora/Briar Rose - Sleeping Beauty

Okay, hear me out. A lot of people don’t really like Sleeping Beauty, but I’m here to tell you why Aurora is actually one of the best Disney princesses. 1. She doesn’t even have to do much, she just sleeps for a century. I wish I could do that. 2. She has not one, but two beautiful names. 3. Three fairy godmothers. 4. The solution to the blue/pink debacle is purple I just don’t think Flora and Merryweather would listen to me. 5. Have you heard the original ‘Once Upon A Dream’? That song has drugs in it. 6. Maleficent.

10. Poison Ivy - DC Comics

With the third redhead on the list I can admit I have a type. Sue me, I like gingers. And sexy eco-terrorists who date insane clowns. She just wants to protect the environment, I don’t see what the problem is.

Alright, I’m outta here. Feel free to participate, especially if you’re: @no-url-idea-tho @thanksgiving-isnt-ur-fav-holiday @little-bird-of-wisdom-2215 @fueledbyprocrastination

#tag games #b rambles #yes I finished this at 2:30 in the morning

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shemakesmusic-uk · 3 years

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This segment features artists who have submitted their tracks/videos to She Makes Music. If you would like to be featured here then please send an e-mail to [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

Emily Kate

Toronto-based recording artist, Emily Kate perfectly bridges the gap between country and pop with her unique sound and lyrical storytelling. Pulling from real life experiences, her music conveys relatable thoughtful messages weaved with fresh, soulful melodies. Her meaning filled lyrics coupled with her warm sound is often described as Kelsea Ballerini meets a motivational speaker. She has just released her new EP All In. “These songs have taught me how to love myself, feel inspired, chase my dreams, have fun and grow as a person,” says Emily. “They've been my reminder and helped me through heartbreaks, insecurities, and now they get to be yours. All In features a track which I wrote the morning after a fun night out. This upbeat song is about going out with friends and meeting someone who takes your breath away. Its lyrics are a twist on the common saying, you had me at hello, and instead, this song is about someone having you ‘The Whole Time.’” Listen below.

Emily Kate · The Whole Time

Jordana Talsky

Jordana Talsky is a singer-songwriter and vocal looper who fuses multi-genre influences into her own sound. She accompanies herself by voice with a Roland Boss RC505 loop station. Her ethos is to incorporate digital means into live performance in an organic way, and with the loop machine, she creates a choir on the spot with no pre-recorded parts. Her new single ‘Oh Yeah,’ represents a moment of awakening, like when you remember something you had forgotten about a dream that all of a sudden comes back in a flash, a moment to stand outside of yourself and contemplate, embrace, and inquire of your life. “It takes work, all the time, to choose not to look away and to be honest with ourselves,” says Jordana. “These moments, delicate and challenging, are insights into our authentic selves, that may offer a fresh vantage point from which we can choose to heal and evolve. Inspirational, fun and harmony-rich indie-pop, ‘Oh Yeah’ is about listening to your inner voice and taking faith in the spark you uncovered deep within you.” Listen below.

Jordana Talsky · Oh Yeah

Nimkish

To fully immerse in the multitudes of rising queer Indigenous star, Nimkish, is to honour the past, look ahead to the future, and bask in the resplendent present all at once. The Vancouver-based artist is fearless in her lyricism, confronting anti-Indigenous racism and colonial violence alongside other hard subjects like anxiety, grief and heartache. To the great tradition of singer-songwriters healing through their music, Nimkish brings a bright-eyed aim to flourish in all she has experienced. Nimkish’s lyrics give affirmation to past pain while living in the moment. To some it may sound like escapism, to others it may sound like moxie-driven R&B-pop pulsing through the club. What’s certain is her fortitude — she’s on a mission, combining the coolness and creativity of the TikTok generation with the lucidity and confidence of a grown woman. Nimkish’s anthemic new single, ‘YSB,’ features ASCXNSION and is about the need for healing, freedom, and to be heard. "’YSB’ is about the need for healing, freedom, and to be heard,” explains Nimkish. “Are you listening? Do you hear me? Am I screaming out into nothing? This song is about feeling like you can't get ahead, and specific issues that we as Indigenous women work through on a daily basis. Our generation has been left to deal with trauma and we are continually fighting for equity. It can feel exhausting to constantly try to be truly heard. I wanted to go deeper on this project and write about real shit. What we have created is anthemic, resilient, and confrontational, despite the vulnerability that it took to write about our lived experiences. This release is about showcasing Indigenous excellence and the need to amplify our voices. Our time is now – the future is Indigenous.” Listen below.

NIMKISH · YSB (feat. ASCXNSION)

Tana

Tana is an artist, writer and a topliner with charge and a unique flair for lyrics and melody. Her rich and diverse views on gay culture, have strongly influenced her musical and personal journey. Tana’s music is unapologetic, revolutionary, and liberating. At heart, Tana is a true artist, and is inspired by many things around her - people, sexuality, her heritage (being half Italian and Nigerian), the city she grew up in, and the LGBT community. She places diversity at heart and aims to make music that relates to the masses, whilst pushing her creativity at all times. Her array of influences create new ideas and sounds that break traditional boundaries. Think Halsey & The Weekend. She has just released her new single ‘Bad Habits (Keep On Coming)’. Tana says of the track: “I wrote ‘Bad Habits (Keep On Coming)’ over lockdown, and it’s about wanting to grow from a toxic relationship. I found myself holding onto flaws and limitations that really effected my personal growth, and writing about it helped me recognise these issues and learn from this experience.” Listen below.

Love Crumbs

Love Crumbs is a folk-rock and Americana group based in Massachusetts. Known for blending poignant lyrics with evocative vocal storytelling, their nostalgic, timeless, heart-on-sleeve sound harkens to a bygone era. They have just released their new single ‘Ellipses’. “The track is about trying to connect with someone and not being able to despite the best of intentions,” says Mike. “It's about the things that aren't said or are left unsaid. It's about a meaningful relationship that ended kind of suddenly. The person was typing to me (as evidenced by the "...") but I never got to hear their response. Closure isn't something that someone gives us, in the end. It's something that we have to come to on our own. The sonic influences for me on this track, probably in particular the chord changes in the verses are Neil Young, the pre-chorus Tom Waits. I wanted to stack Ali's vocals because it has an unreal sound (not occurring naturally, similar to Royals by Lorde) that can work in the right context.” Listen below.

Love Crumbs · Ellipses

Anniee

Anniee is an electronic artist and theatre composer based in Montclair, NJ just outside NYC. As a vocalist she has performed in a variety of styles and genres. Recently she has turned her attention to producing synthwave and retrowave tracks with modern and minimalist vibes. She has just released her new track 'Lonely Wolves'. "'Lonely Wolves' is moody and driving, with retro vibes and a modern sensibility—an intense journey exploring breakdown in relationship," says Anniee. Listen below.

Anniee · Lonely Wolves

Leah Rose

Emerging pop songwriter and producer Leah Rose has released her debut single ‘Goodnight’. The melancholic hue of ‘Goodnight’ arises from the sentimentality of a writer reflecting on a landscape they no longer exist in. The song was written and recorded in lockdown and is a prime example of how an artists’ time in isolation can result in the inevitable dissection of their past. Sonically, ‘Goodnight’ was inspired by artists such as Lorde, The Weeknd and Charli XCX. Leah Rose is a Cork-born artist who has spent the last 5 years based in Dublin. She spent much of that time honing her craft, finding inspiration in lyricists such as Alex Turner and Lana Del Rey. Strong imagery and colour play a huge role in Leah’s songwriting. Growing up with artists for parents meant that Leah was exposed to a range of visual art forms at a young age. She strives to create art not only through music but through her artwork, photography and overall visual aesthetic. “I see my songwriting style as atmospheric and somewhat abstract,” she says. “I love being able to use music as a tool to materialise the things I see in my mind. So when I write a song I try to place the listener right in the centre of my memories and daydreams”. Listen to ‘Goodnight’ below.

Leah Rose · Goodnight

Felyce

Felyce's alt-pop root influences shine through on her shuffling and atmospheric alternative Pop/R&B new single ‘Skin’. The Paris-based singer-songwriter Felyce shares the struggle she faced accepting the color of her skin while growing in France. Getting away from slow tempos, ‘Skin’ offers an energetic but still dark ambiance. Felyce wrote and performed ‘Skin’ and she worked with professional arranger Nicolas Lassus to make the song what it is now. She said in statement: "I wrote 'Skin' thinking about that beautiful story I heard once. A young black girl wondered why her skin was so dark and her mother told her the reason was because the sun loved her too much. That story really stuck with me". Born and raised in Paris, she spent most of her time between stage performances and school until high school when she put most of her focus on studying while writing her first full songs on the side. Felyce graduated from university in 2016 before starting a short career in HR but she realized that music was the only career for her and began learning production the next year while working on her debut EP Fear which dropped in 2018. She's been steadily releasing singles and crafting her sound since; embracing her formative influences, including British pop music acts like Sam Smith, Robbie Williams, Birdy, and American pop acts such as Lana Del Rey or Banks. Listen to ‘Skin’ below.

Kenzie Webley

Kenzie Webley has been writing songs since she was 13 years old but only started recording last year just before lockdown. Her new single 'Loveable' is out now to coincide with her finishing her A levels. Her debut album is almost finished and she already has the songs written for her second album! 'Loveable' tells the story of a couple arguing in public after a night out. It's from the perspective of someone who recognises their own culpability in the events. Listen below.

URARTA

URARTA’s new EP consists of four tracks centred around the issues of standing up for yourself and others, respecting the planet’s boundaries and looking out for your own. Musically, the band has its heart in punk, but simultaneously flirts with genres such as post punk, alt-rock, noise, Goth and indie. The lyrics are in English and in the dialect of Skåne –the southern part of Sweden where the band also has its geographical base. URARTA consists of Monica Richter (vocals), Ketty Hagmann (bass) and Tove Lorentz (drums). Listen to the song ‘D.I.Y’ below.

Vol 2: Vi Fick Fel Adress by Ursäkta Röran

#submission saturday #emily kate #jordana talsky #nimkish #tana #loe crumbs #anniee #leah rose #felyce #kenzie webley #urarta

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