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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

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Moriarty the Patriot + The Final Problem

aka another unecessary essay from ya boy on how yuumori, instead of taking away from the original text, adds meaning and depth to it

So I finally got around to reading the final problem after wading through all the memoirs of sherlock holmes and yes, I am in fact reading these because of yuumori. I wanted to see how it was portrayed, what the differences and influences from the original source were. I did end up getting incredibly attached to the original series too, so yeah... I'm glad to report that the original and adaption get along well.

And yeah, I have a lot of thoughts, most of them being just me generally praising yuumori. I think it was straight up genius how they pulled so much content from... well, frankly. The Final Problem was a 15 page short story tossed off by Doyle in order to have an excuse to be done with sherlock holmes, told from the perspective of someone who wasn't even there. And yuumori still managed to make it generally very accurate and complementary to the original, while still being, uhhhhh really fucking different, let's say that.

Read more because again, long essay

Just my observations on the final problem itself is that it is so underdeveloped and told from an outsider perspective. Because of that, so many questions go unanswered, and the reader gets a sense that they are only witnessing a very small part of what actually happened. Sherlock can't afford to go into detail on what Moriarty was even involved in, Watson isn't privy to what's honestly even happening most of the time, and Moriarty just... has this extensive network of organized crime that just isn't even talked about other than Trust Me It's Bad Bro. We don't know Moriarty's intentions, most of who he is, and more questions are honestly brought up than answered within the story. Sherlock knows, oh that's for sure, Sherlock knows what's going on and he has no fucking time to tell Watson. You get a sense that Watson himself isn't even telling all that went down.

So yeah, I can see where there's so much room to expand upon here, not even to change things or make it different because it would be cool, but there's so much that could be happening just within the realm of plausible deniability in the canon.

And I think that it's amazing how Yuumori chose to market itself that way- not as an adaption or reimagining- but that this was in fact the Real story, with Doyle's final problem being... honestly a bit of a cover up, a purposeful misrepresentation of a small slice of the full story. It lends itself completely to that, and I think that's amazing.

(One thing I do find funny is that in Yuumori the story "the final problem" is depicted as a full novella that could be published on its own... man it's not nearly long enough for that but I find it funny in any way)

Of course, there are elements of yuumori that are yknow, simply not realistically something that could have happened, but most of the story is actually within that range of plausible deniability since the canon is so vague and sparse. And since they state that things were changed on purpose to protect people and the moriarty plan, it basically covers that all as simply The Truth. It's well done, and very interesting, especially with the new anime ending taking them to Reichenbach itself.

Like, yuumori didn't even truly change the appearances of the characters, from the descriptions. (we're not counting the illustrations lol) like, Sherlock was never stated (as far as I can tell) to have a specific hair or eye color, hairstyle or such.... he was described as tall, thin, eccentric, messy, with like... long fingers and stuff. Man, yuumori did not go against that. With Moriarty it's different, though he was also reportedly Tall and Thin and Built Like A Yaoi Protag for some goddamn reason, he... you know, has these weird and unattractive features as well, which... in the context of Watson trying to portray Moriarty as unmitigated evil in order to protect the plan, were in this situation made up specifically to further the idea that he was just that.

Because of this situation, the Moriarty that is portrayed as yeah, a smart guy and a threat but seriously just A Bad Dude who seems to have no particular reason behind his actions save being A Bad Dude actually make more sense as a cover up behind a more dangerous secret of him having Real Feelings than the only stated reason being "he inherited being evil from his family". (like... watson, really?)

It explains the vagueness and the events and the weird connection between those two better than the original does, and that's really cool to me.

On their own, without yuumori to back me up on these things, reading this would have left me confused and depressed. But as a half truth immortalized as the real story, you get so much more out of it.

Especially these certain scenes:

When Moriarty just pops into Sherlock's house and they proceed to have a basically wordless conversation amounting to

"you know why I'm here" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "here's date and time of our mutual destruction" "thanks I'll be there" "well I'll be off nice knowing you" "wow it sucks that we're enemies he's such a civil guy"

It just really adds something to that, don't you think?

And the subject of their fall itself, simply the fact that Watson wasn't even there. No one witnessed it. No one found even Moriarty's body. No one found evidence of anything at all.

All Watson could say was that Sherlock and Moriarty had gone up to the mountain together, Moriarty told Sherlock of his plans, let Sherlock write and leave a letter to Watson, and that they never came back down. So he came to the conclusion that they must have fought and both fallen off.... like, holding each other. Not really sure how they reached that conclusion, to be honest.

It doesn't even make sense, exactly told how it is. If Moriarty wanted to kill sherlock and survive, he would have just... brought a fucking gun. Or just pushed him off on the way up. As soon as he got him alone just fucking stab the man. It would have been that easy, but no, he had a whole ass convo with the man, they went up civilly side by side, and they stayed on the cliff a long time while Sherlock wrote that letter. Even then, Sherlock could have just waited to catch Moriarty off guard and pushed him off. But he didn't.

Why would they even have fought, if it was so scheduled? You telling me to believe that after this letter was written and moriarty stood there watching him sipping tea or whatever he was suddenly like "ok im ready to fight now", knowing they would both probably die, and if they were genuinely trying to kill each other and survive, that would even make sense?

Of course, these problems in the original stem just from Doyle no longer giving a shit and slapping this together after losing motivation for sherlock, he was obviously, not hinting at some great conspiracy in the slightest.

But damn, Yuumori really does change that all for you, huh. It adds a whole new layer of context to it. And I like it a lot, I like what they've done on their own, I like what they've done for the original stories, and I especially like what they've done telling the "real story" of this short, vague, mystery that otherwise leaves you feeling unsatisfied and confused.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #sherliam #sherlock holmes #rowan views moriarty

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hopelesshawks · 3 years

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Official Accounts Part 27- Think Fast

Summary: (y/n) was perfectly happy remaining anonymous, even if her best friends were all pro heroes and she worked under THE Hawks. Handling the technical aspects of hero work from the background suited her just fine, thank you very much. That goes out the window when suddenly her twitter blows up thanks Denki and the famed no. 2 hero is asking her to run his own official twitter as a result

If you don’t want to see Official Accounts content blacklist #hopelessoa

Warnings for alcohol and recreational drug use

Masterlist

Hawks watches somewhat apprehensively as you put solo cups, mixers, and multiple handles of hard liquor out on your counter. “You look more terrified right now than I’ve ever seen you before facing a villain,” you point out. “I trained my whole life to fight villains. This is new. How many people did you invite?” He asks incredulously. “Just the Baddies,” you shrug. “All this is for just seven people?” “Technically all this and more, Kacchan’s bringing beer and Mina’s bringing white claws. Don’t worry we won’t finish it all!” you assure him before briefly pausing. “We probably won’t finish it all,” you correct yourself. At seeing the continued hesitation in Hawks’ face you stop your preparations for a moment and turn to him. “Hey I can call this whole thing off if you want,” you offer, but he shakes his head. “No, no don’t do that. Beneath the nerves I’m excited I promise. Plus what would people think if the great Hawks chickened out of a simple little party?” “I’m more worried about Keigo right now than Hawks.” “Keigo will also be fine.” “Ok, but you are more than welcome to stop drinking whenever. We won’t pressure you to get drunk if you don’t want to.” “I am older than you, yknow. You don’t have to baby me.” “Older yes but I, dear Keigo, am the more experienced and wiser one here.” “Well then, oh wise one, why don’t you show me the proper way to take tequila shots.” “I’ll grab the limes.”

You and Keigo might have gotten the tiniest bit carried away with your pregame so by the time the rest of your friends come knocking at your door you’ve already got a buzz going. As you swing the door open Denki and Mina are grinning back at you, Denki with an impressive bag of weed and Mina with the promised white claws, as the other three wave from behind them. “Let’s get fucking plus ultra in this bitch!” Mina yells and the rest of you reply with similar enthusiasm as you usher everyone inside. “Hawks and I already started so you guys have to catch up,” you tell them as you unlock your phone and toss it to Kirishima to pick the music.

At the start of the night you made a point to stick close to Keigo so he’d always have a familiar face to rely on if he got overwhelmed or didn’t feel like talking anymore, but as the drinks kept flowing you were delighted to find he seemed to be doing just fine on his own. In fact, Denki genuinely seemed keen on getting to know him more and the rest of your friends were just as welcoming. Soon it felt just like any of you all’s usual hangs and it wasn’t much longer after that that everyone was properly drunk. Soon Mina had somehow convinced Bakugo and Kirishima to back her up in an impromptu round of karaoke while Shinso and Hawks watched on from the sidelines. Denki sidles up next to you, throwing one arm around your shoulder while holding a perfectly rolled joint in his free hand. “Shall we head to the balcony?” he asks with a grin. You throw one more glance Hawks’ way to double check he’s doing well and when you see him burst into laughter as Bakugo and Mina fight over something inane, you feel something warm spark in your chest. “We shall,” you confirm before letting him guide you over to the glass door and opening it with a flourish.

There’s a chill in the air but the alcohol flowing through your veins means you barely feel it as you step onto the balcony and lean across the railing, Denki joining you as he pulls a lighter from his pocket. He places the joint in his mouth and then lights it with the kind of ease that comes from experience before taking a large hit and passing it to you. The two of you pass the joint back and forth a few times before Denki finally speaks up. “So how’s the little arrangement going so far?” he asks. “Better than expected to be honest.” “Have you guys talked about what happened yet?” “Not explicitly. He told me... a lot... about his past so I kinda get it now? but not about the night it went to shit.” Denki hums in acknowledgment. “How are you doing in general after everything that happened?” he asks. “I’m fine Denki.” “(Y/n)...” “I mean it. Don’t worry about little ol me.” “I’ll always worry about you.” “And I, you. Now stop killing the vibe. This is supposed to be a party remember?” Denki laughs at that as you move to sit on the railing of the balcony.

Keigo has to admit he’s pleasantly surprised by how tonight is going. He had worried about dropping into the middle of your friend group and spending the whole night feeling like an intruder but instead all of you have welcomed him with open arms in spite of everything. Between that and the alcohol he’s feeling more uninhibited now than he ever has his entire life. “I should’ve done this sooner,” he declares as he takes another sip from his solo cup. Next to him Shinso laughs, “damn right you should’ve.”

“Hey Kacchan!!” he suddenly hears you call. When he looks over he notices you sitting on the railing of the balcony. That can’t be safe, you have to be at least as drunk as he is and the joint you’d been sharing with Denki has burned pretty low so you’re definitely high too. “Think fast!” you shout and then you’re letting go and leaning backwards until you’re falling, the bright grin on your face never faltering. The blood in Hawks’ veins runs cold as he watches you disappear from sight. The muscles in his back twitch on instinct but barely any of his feathers have grown back yet so he. can’t. save. you. He can’t save you and he’s starting to panic when he notices Bakugo launching himself over the railing, the sound of explosions loud in the quiet night. Hawks jumps as he feels a hand land on his shoulder and turns to find Shinso giving him a reassuring smile. “Sorry should’ve warned you. She does that a lot, especially when she’s drunk,” Shinso tells him. “What? Falls off buildings?” “Yea pretty much.” “What?” “It’s a trust thing. The first time she did it was to prove a point. She knew he’d catch her. Now I think she just likes the feeling of falling while crossed.”

Bakugo reappears over the balcony with you giggling on his back completely unharmed and Hawks releases a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. “That’s a lot of trust. When’d she start doing that?” Hawks asks. “I’m actually not sure,” Shinso replies, “yo Mina!” “What?” “What year did (y/n) start the whole ‘think fast’ thing? Second or third?” Mina walks over to join the conversation, plopping down next to Shinso. “Uhh I think it was third year after they started dating” she says. Shinso shoots her a look and elbows her but it’s too late. “They dated?” Hawks asks. Mina’s eyes widen in realization but it’s too late to take it back so she instead says “I’m gonna get more to drink!” and jets back off to the kitchen. Shinso rolls his eyes. “Yea, they did. In the end they decided they were better off as friends though, especially because Bakugo was a lot less mature then.” “That’s why she gets away with calling him Kacchan.” “Yea, probably. That was years ago now though, I don’t think anything’s happened between them since. I wouldn’t worry about it,” Shinso assures him before excusing himself to go talk to Denki.

Hawks knows it’s not his place but he can’t help but feel jealous now watching you tease Bakugo about getting slower as he lectures you on being an idiot. “I’m not an idiot!” you pout. “What else would you call someone that intentionally falls off a building?” he seethes. “Was there any chance you would have let me hit the ground?” “Obviously not, dumbass.” “Well there you go! Perfectly safe!” Bakugo sputters, his cheeks reddening, before finally grumbling “I’m getting another drink,” before walking away. This only makes you laugh harder. “Love you Kacchan,” you tease after him. “Fuck you!” he shouts back.

He’s one of your best friends. He’s one of your best friends. He’s one of your best friends. The phrase plays on a loop in Keigo’s head in a desperate attempt to quash the jealousy burning through his chest but he can’t help it. How long had the two of you dated? “Longer than the two of you did,” his brain unhelpfully supplies. His thoughts are interrupted when Kirishima drops down next to him with two beer cans in hand. “You look like you’re pretty deep in your head and (y/n) would kill me if I let you stay that way. Ever shotgunned a beer before?” Kirishima asks. “I didn’t realize I was that easy to read,” Hawks says as he takes one of the offered beers. “Typically you’re not. Watching you in action? You’re totally inscrutable dude, it’s super manly! But when you’re with friends you shouldn’t have to worry about that. Anyway, let’s not talk heavy shit man, am I teaching you to shotgun or not?” “Fuck it, why not.” “That’s the spirit!”

The party eventually reaches its natural conclusion as exhaustion starts to overtake even the effects of alcohol. Not to mention, your friends are keenly aware that unlike you and Hawks they actually have to get up and be out for work tomorrow. Hawks isn’t surprised when you give each of your friends a tight hug goodbye. He is surprised when the same offer is extended to him. It’s almost scary how perceptive your friends can be. When Mina’s hands get a little too close to where his wings should be he can’t help but flinch and immediately she adjusts. The rest of your friends make a point to avoid the area. Bakugo and Kirishima are the last to leave and it takes everything in Hawks not to let his jealousy show as you hug Bakugo goodbye. He’s once again shocked when Bakugo goes to hug him but he soon realizes that it’s not necessarily done to be friendly. “Take good fucking care of her bird brain. Cause if you don’t? I will,” he whispers harshly. As the two pull away from each other their eyes lock in a silent challenge until Kirishima calls from the hallway “Bakubro let’s go! Taxi’s here!” “I’m coming Shitty Hair relax!” he shouts back before finally breaking eye contact and heading out the door with one final wave in your direction.

Author’s Note: The party was honestly pretty built around the “think fast” scene. Once that idea came to mind it refused to leave. The Bakugo stuff well 👀 what can I say I like ✨drama✨ also I felt a little bad that Bird Boy stole the fic I was gonna write for Bakugo from him. Originally I was gonna have Hawks’ jealousy be unfounded but then I saw an opportunity and decided to run with it oops

Taglist [open]: @cathy8taffy @katzurras @grumpyfroggies @captaincyberqueen @itskindofafairything @420-uwu @someweirdshitman @oliviasslut @the-adzukibean @a-fucking-sero-kinnie @ladyzayismultifandom

#hopelessoa #hawks #wing hero hawks #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #hawks smau

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og-danny-dorito · 5 years

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Louis de Pointe du Lac Headcanons But They're ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

i already KNOW what you came here for so u better go under the cut for it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) it's SPICYYY ok caution if you want to continue

N S F W:

- since he's a vampire you'd think that he'd be a kinky little shit, BUT I am here to disprove that theory

- in all honesty he's pretty vanilla, and doesn't have much that he's really into, or at least openly into. most of the things he does like are generally about trust like blindfolding and bondage

- to start, Louis was pretty innocent before he learned about the internet. he generally doesn't have a high sex drive so he doesn't sleep with people a lot unless it's his partner, and just isn't sexually adventurous or a man thot (unlike lestat’s dumb ass)

- the first time he did find out about kinks though was when he was browsing the internet to gain information on your favorite show so he could understand what the fuck you were talking about. eventually he clicked something that caught his eye, mainly out of curiosity. one thing came to another and he managed to be VERY invested until you walked in and he slammed the computer shut with an embarrassed expression on his face

- to try and get him to open up on his kinks is obviously going to be a challenge, so if you reassure him that you're open to new things in the bedroom he'll most likely spill what he's been thinking about for the past few weeks

- honestly he's a little shy and concerned that he'll end up hurting you, but if you're INTO getting hurt he's not only totally into it but like a few fibers of his being are concerned. he's familiar with masochism, but he doesn't WANT to hurt you or cause you pain. but if it'll make you happy he's ok to try it

- bloodplay is something he's more hesitant about since, yknow, he's a fucking vampire n stuff, but don't worry, he'll definitely agree under CERTAIN CONDITIONS. he needs to be well fed, and can't be feeling to desperate. it's most likely that your safe word would be something like “lilac” or “rose” since he likes both of those flowers and they're easy to say

- while he doesn't like hurting you he is very dominant. there are times when he's more submissive than anything, but he likes to be in control more than not. that's partially why he likes blindfolding, mostly because he has to be in control and you need to trust him to do it

- trust is very, very important to him, so the first time you two show each other your bodies he sees that as validation that your relationship is official. he likes to trust you, or just to be able to trust someone in general, so he'll let you blindfold him

- while he does like the extra things, what really matters to him is the contact. honestly, just the feeling of your fingers over his thighs or your breath on his neck makes him get immediately riled up and restless

- as most would expect, this becomes a huge problem when you two are away from each other for long periods of time. he's not one to normally touch himself when he smiles feeling desperate, but honestly sometimes he just can't help himself

- most of the time he ends up sitting somewhere comfortably like your bed, moaning your name between ragged breaths and thinking of you taking him between your lips, speaking to him, desperately clinging to him as he rams into you from the front, or anything else. in no time he's spilling over his own knuckles, huffing and trying to catch his breath

- his favorite position is either missionary or doggy no I don't take constructive criticism

- generally he also likes to watch you, mostly without your knowing. it's the one thing he doesn't feel a bit of shame about, and he ends up blending into the he shadows pretty well as he watches you change, undress, etc. he soon ends up not being able to watch anymore, hungry for you to touch him where he needs it most

- honest to god he doesn't really care what you look like, he loves you for your personality. body types or specific attributes don't matter to him either, although he will admit that's he does like a nice pair of eyes on someone. it's fascinating how they can reflect someone's mood when the rest of them refuses to express, or how their look can speak so much louder than anything a normal human would be able to say with just words alone. eyes reflect feeling, and he loves you so much to always have love and admiration glistening in his own

- to be honest he's a bit self conscious about his own body, just because of the lack of pigment and how prominent his veins are. you'd think he'd have gotten used to it, but more often that not you can find him tracing the icy blue and purple tendrils under nearly transparent skin with a look of slight displeasure on his face

- this counts for anything below the belt

- he's very pale and his skin is thin, and so you can typically see where the blood rushes as he arches his back and lets out a loud groan as soon as you stroke him

- due to vampire senses and being more acutely aware and shit, he reacts to almost any touch if he's overstimulated and too focused on trying to organize himself. seriously, if you so much as trace shapes on his back while he's trying to create friction between his legs or something along those lines he'll let out a shallow sigh and bite on his bottom lip tightly

- if he's particularly desperate he won't say much of anything, and ends up just fucking you against a wall or on a table to fulfill his own carnal desire. pull his hair a little and he MIGHT just nut right then and there, no fucking lie

- his stamina is basically endless, he can go on for like, HOURS dude seriously it's crazy

- he prefers to come either inside or on you, since it's almost like marking his territory in a way

- WEAR HIS CLOTHES

- D O I T

- generally he's actually very good at aftercare, and he's very considerate as to what you may be feeling in the moment. he's a hopeless romantic, so he'll want to take a long bath with you after fucking you senseless on the sheets of your own bed. he does respect if you're tired though and will be content with just curling up with you and sharing your body heat in a heap of limbs

- all in all he likes to share intimate moments with you, and makes his best effort to make you feel good whether it's at his own expense or not

#interview with a vampire #iwav #iwav headcanons #interview with a vampire headcanons #louis de pointe du lac #louis de pointe du lac headcanons #louis headcanons #vampire #vampyre #sfw #headcanons #louis imagines #louis de pointe du lac imagines #I saw that people likes my other ones so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)#idk which ones to do next #probably like #I may do venom headcanons

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debiteful · 5 years

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Exploring the Deep

Shay agrees to let her shy seal friend explore her digestive system up close after watching a documentary.

Content warning: soft vore, safe vore, size difference, female anthro shark pred, male anthro seal prey, implied full tour (might be comfortable writing that someday, but today is not that day)

Around 1.8k words, with the first ⅔ being build up. He's a timid fellow.

Shay leaned back on the couch, arm outstretched on the back of the seat. Her smol friend was nestled close to her, but scooted away as the show ended. His big dark eyes were bright against his dappled skin. "Wasn't that incredible?" He proclaimed with satisfaction.

She nodded, "Yeah it was pretty cool. I'm surprised you were such a fan though."

His brow furrowed then relaxed as he laughed, "Oh just because I'm a seal doesn't mean I'm bothered by wild seals being hunted by wild sharks. I mean come on, we're best friends!"

She smiled and nodded, then her face got serious as she held her hand to her heart, "I promise I would never hunt you."

He giggled and picked at the last of the popcorn in the bowl, "What now?"

She considered, fingers slipping up to tangle in her long mohawk. Her tail slapped the floor as she got an idea, "Why don't we go in my hot tub for a bit? I know you like the water as much as I do!"

He nodded enthusiastically, "Let's do it. I always bring my swim trunks over when I visit, just in case."

She chuckled and shook her head, giving his soft shoulder a little shove, "Go on and get changed then."

After a few minutes, they were both in the hot tub, soaking in the warm water. She sat on a low seat, up to her waist in water, while he perched on a raised portion, just about level with the top of her tail, the water lapping at his chest. His eyes wandered along her body, admiring her lean muscles. She noticed his gaze and smirked, splashing a little water to catch his attention, "Whatcha looking at? You've seen me in a swimsuit before."

He blushed and nodded, mumbling, "Sorry. Was just thinking that you're a lot like those sharks in the doc. Powerful, strong, you would make a fine hunter."

She grinned, "Is that so?"

"Yeah," he said, gaze fixed on the water infront of him. The swaying movement of her tail below the surface caught his attention. He watched it wave slowly in the current from jets. Slowly, he reached out and touched the part of it above the surface with his finger tips. A quick glance at her face revealed she either didn't notice or didn't care. Her head was tilted back to rest on the edge of the hot tub and her eyes were closed.

He put his hand on it, feeling the smooth, tough skin, not unlike his own. His eyes wandered to her belly, which was relatively soft compared to the rest of her. His mind wandered back to the documentary, but he snapped it back into order quickly.

He sunk lower in the water, hoping to hide his blush as she glanced at him. "You alright? You're uncharacteristically quiet tonight," she noted.

He could hear the concern in her voice and shook his head, chin splashing water. "Its nothing. I'm just thinking about that cool show," he explained, the words tumbling from his mouth. After a moment, he continued slowly, "I do wonder what it's like."

"What what's like?" She asked, leaning forward.

He reached out, brushing her belly lightly, "In there." His words started slow, but eventually came to a normal pace, "They show plenty of the outside of sharks, and they show them hunting and eating, but we never see the inside. At least, not of an alive one."

She nodded along as he spoke, "This is true."

He pushed off from the ledge, swimming over to sit in her lap, which was roughly the same height. He leaned back against her soft belly. Not for the first time he appreciated the soft cushion it gave his back and head. He listened to it gurgle softly as it worked on the last remnants of popcorn. This was his favourite time to sit here, just after she had eaten.

Her hand cupped around him gently, holding his soft little body close. It was comforting and gentle, but his mind was distracted by other things. He absently reached back to rub her tummy, once again enjoying the smooth skin and marvelling at how different it felt from her muscular tail. He could feel her eyes on him, but he ignored them. Still, he kept his face tilted down so she couldn't see his reddening face.

Finally, he worked up the courage to ask, "Can you hold me up? I," he hesitated and his voice dropped to a timid whisper, "I want to see if your teeth are like the wild shark's teeth."

She didn't respond immediately. Just as he was about to apologize, her hands tightened around him and lifted him carefully, holding him above the water as it dripped from him. He let her turn him in her hold, drawing in a deep breath as she held him close to her face. She gave him a toothy grin and he gazed at the pointed white teeth.

Heart racing, he stammered, "Could you open up? Just a little. Yknow, so I can see better."

She obliged without a word, her smile growing. He leaned forward in her grasp to touch the teeth, fingers tracing the edges. His gaze wandered over her soft pink tongue towards her darker throat. Saliva reflected the light from nearly every surface. Her warm breath washed over him and he shivered. He sighed softly as she closed her mouth and lowered him to her lap once again.

"Well? What's the verdict good sir?"

"What? Oh! Um well they're certainly sharp. Though you only have one row and I doubt they regrow like a wild sharks."

She frowned and considered, then nodded with a smile, "This is true."

He nodded too, looking down again. This left his gaze right on her belly again. It lingered more than long enough for her to notice. She lifted his chin with her finger. Her eyebrows arched, "Is it just me, or do you seem interested in a little more than just my teeth. Perhaps you'd like to see a little further?"

His eyes widened as he looked at her, face burning and turning bright red instantly. He was speechless, only barely managing to nod. She smiled and scooped him up, holding her hand to her chin. "Go on then. I won't bite," she giggled at her own silly joke before opening her mouth wide.

He crawled in enthusiastically, carefully passing her teeth to lay on her big tongue. It squirmed beneath him, almost as if it had a mind of it's own. Her jaw hung open and he felt saliva gush up around him from below. He shivered in timid pleasure, feeling the moist air from her breath eb and flow around him. He tilted his head back to look at her throat, nose bumping her soft uvula. It left a little wet patch on his snout.

Heart racing, he took a deep breath and said, "You can close your mouth."

She couldn't really respond, but after a moment her jaws closed around him. He was nearly dizzy with euphoria, on the cusp of a longtime dream.

He flattened his hands, palms down, on her tongue. His fingers curled around the edges, squished gently between her tongue and teeth. He ran them up and down a little, feeling the tiny flexible bumps of her tastebuds. He was rewarded with a fresh flow of saliva, soaking him rather thoroughly.

Next, he reached up, wriggling a bit to get his arms away from his sides, and felt the roof of her mouth. Her hard palate was smooth and firm, giving way to the soft palate when he reached above his head. He reached back and touched her uvula, intentionally this time. There was little left to explore here.

With a small kick, he pushed off of her front teeth, his head sliding into her throat. She coughed then gulped reflexively, the muscles of her esophagus flexing around his face and dragging his whole body down. "Oh my gosh, yes," he moaned quietly.

The pleased words reassured her and she gave a few more hard swallows to finish the job, completely swallowing him up. His hands trailed along the slimy walls as he descended, careful not to squirm until he reached her belly.

A rumble heralded his entrance, and her stomach flexed around him, forcing out the air that came with him in a small burp. He felt pressure from the outside, squishing him between the belly walls. Her hand was pressed to the firm bulge in her gut. She looked down at it, her voice thundering around him, "Did you mean to do that?"

He nodded, then realized that was meaningless in here. "Yeah!" He called, then added, "You can whisper, I'm quite close to all the sound."

Indeed, he could hear everything. All those muffled gurgles were around him now, like a symphony to him. He could hear her heart pounding, no doubt a little alarmed at his sudden choice to descend. His own heart was racing with exhilaration. He tried to move but found her hand had him pinned. While the helplessness gave him a heady rush, he really did want to explore. "Please lift your hand," he requested loudly.

He flopped forward as the pressure disappeared. The bottom of her stomach cradled him softly. Both he and the lining were slick with a mixture of fluids. He struggled to sit up, then ran his hands up along the wall. Her stomach flexed in response and a giggle boomed around him.

"What was that?" She whispered between little laughs.

"I'm feeling the texture. The lining is smooth but made of all these little folds; its an incredible feeling," he called, punctuating it with a sigh as he flopped back, letting his back run along the odd wall.

He ran his fingers through the goop that came up to his waist, relieved it was not fast acting. It clung to itself, falling from his hand in long, wet strings. He supposed most of it was saliva. It was slippery, making it easy to run his hands along the lining, but hard to stay upright, especially with the natural movement of her stomach.

It was all he imagined and more! The warmth, the confinement, the feel of it all, it was amazing. He couldn't wait to see what else he gut had for him to discover.

#soft vore #safe vore #willing prey #long build up #shy prey #female pred #male prey #established friendship #anthro shark #anthro seal #furry #shark week #debiteful writing

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crowned-ladybug · 5 years

Text

I’ve been meaning to get around to this for ages and I’m finally doing it now. So: since I’m not gonna write a fic on it probably (def not on the entire thing), here’s what happens after the end of That Sad Rivals Fic I Posted The Other Day

Warning: it is Long. Like, 5k words long.

Actual warning: blood, injury, self-esteem issues

OC blog is @menagerie-of-morons

The first one to notice that Jackie’s unconscious is ofc Marvin, thanks to the whole magic thing. He doesn’t actually immediately Know he’s out, just that Something Changed and when he looks down and sees his eyes closed + that he doesn’t react to being moved he realises what’s up and he swears his heart stops for a moment

Having Jackie injured and bloody and out cold in his arms brings up some Bad Memories

He starts looking rapidly between Stephen and Jackie, and at this point he’s in full Panic Mode and would probably be screaming and crying if they were alone

Stephen catches on p much immediately too, this whole thing goes down in the matter of seconds. He tries his best to stay calm or at least Look calm and keep his voice steady as he orders Teddy, Chase and Anraí to stay back (they can linger just pls don’t get in the way) and Marvin to help him carry Jackie to the lil infirmary connected to Stephen’s office

It ends up as just Marvin carrying Jackie bc can you imagine trying to pry him away from Marvin now? You literally can’t

Teddy, Anraí and Chase wait outside the door all crammed together to see what’s going on and Anraí slowly drapes himself over the other two bc they’re all scared and need the comfort. Teddy absently pets his head and Anraí almost cries (he’s trying really hard not to)

Marvin gets to help with healing this time but Stephen tells him right at the start that the moment he doesn’t do as he’s told (unspokenly mostly referring to “stop pushing yourself too far”) Stephen will force him to leave and that’s more than enough to make Marvin behave bc goddamn does he Not Want To Leave, Ever

The whole healing and patching up goes by in a blur bc they’re all just tired and confused and scared and running mostly on adrenaline. Stephen is used to this as much as he can be, and Marvin is so emotionally fucked up and sees so much blood everywhere it kinda loses meaning to him after a while (yknow like when you say a word so much it doesn’t sound like a word anymore? That.) At the door, Chase eventually turns around despite feeling shit about it and just hugs Anraí for comfort bc he just can’t watch, and after a while Teddy too looks at random corners and equipment in the room more than at what’s going on at the bed. Anraí can watch but it’s in part thanks to how unfamiliar he is with human anatomy

Marvin only dares speak once they’re all done, Jackie is all bandaged up and stitched together and magically healed to some extent. It’s mostly hiccups bc of how much he’s been crying and he asks wtf could have even happened?? And Stephen just sighs and he sounds and looks So Tired and says he wishes they knew but maybe they’ll find out when Jackie wakes up

Stephen knows better than to try to force Marvin to leave this time

He looks So Miserable and Stephen’s heart breaks for him bc here’s this proud ass goddamn Idiot he normally loves getting into playful arguments with and calling out for his bullshit, and who’s normally so dignified and smooth and a lil smug, and even when he’s not he’s full of brightness and fuckin fondness, all that fondness he somehow collected along the way - and now he looks so broken and small. He’s shaking and crying and barely daring to look away from Jackie, let alone let go of him, and it’s so heartbreaking seeing someone usually so collected and happy and content so fucked up.

And it runs through his head that Marvin’s gonna be all dehydrated now from all this crying, and he can’t allow that. He also can’t allow him to just stay sitting balanced on the edge of the bed bc he’s too tired to stand but doesn’t wanna take up too much space or disturb Jackie.

They have an armchair in the infirmary I shit you not. It has wheels and they keep it in a corner covered with a sheet when they don’t need it but they knew one day they Would need it bc there’d come another day when someone gets badly hurt and someone else wants to sit vigil by their side, and they might as well do that not entirely horribly uncomfortable. And so they got an armchair in the infirmary.

So Stephen gets the armchair and denies all help offered by Marvin bc he’s not sure if there’s anything more than meets the eye with the constant touching (he’s Smart, okay?) or if it’s just bc of how anxious and exhausted Marvin is, but either way he doesn’t wanna make him let go of Jackie’s hand if he doesn’t need to, for everyone’s sake.

So he pushes the armchair over and tugs Marvin into sitting in it and Marvin immediately curls up against the armrest of it while still holding Jackie’s hand.

And fuck, Stephen is so tired, but he’s gotta take care of all these scared kids first, he can’t rest until he knows they’ll all be okay. He asks the Door Gang if someone could go get them, mostly Marvin, some stuff – a blanket and pillow or two, a bottle of something to drink, Marvin’s phone and/or 3DS and a good book, so that they can both distract themselves. And maybe a change of clothes bc they both got p bloody.

Bc Stephen doesn’t feel ready to let Jackie out of his sight yet either.

Chase immediately volunteers for the fetch quest bc he’s glad to be helpful and Do Something aside from staring at all his friends looking so broken and small. And now Anraí is torn, bc he doesn’t know if he should stay and watch over everyone in the infirmary or to go with Chase to help him (and watch over Him), until Teddy pats his arm and tells him he’s got it covered here, he should go with Chase. So he does.

They come back with the best blankets and pillows in the house, and as comfortable clothes as they could find, and Marvin’s black cat plushie, and orange juice, and even remember to bring chargers for both phones And the 3DS. And then Anraí runs off again, then comes right back and takes Chase too bc he’s still p clueless in the kitchen, and then they come back a lil later with a pot of freshly brewed tea and mugs and stuff to put in the tea.

For a moment they even feel happy over completing their Quests so well

And then they see everyone else again and that joy is gone. Bc Marvin is curled up in the armchair still, but now wrapped in a blanket and presumably in different clothes bc there’s a pile of bloodied ones on the floor in the corner, and hugging his cat plushie with his free hand. Stephen is across from him on the other side of the bed, in an only moderately comfortable chair, just staring into nothing, and Teddy is leaning on the back of Marvin’s armchair. He absently reaches out to fiddle with a strand of Marvin’s hair that falls near his hand, but the moment he touches it Marvin shakes his head violently and whimpers.

Bc Marvin doesn’t wanna be touched at all rn anyway (except for yknow, holding Jackie’s hand) and usually Jackie is the only one who gets to and does play with his hair and He Doesn’t Wanna Think About All That Now.

Stephen tries to shoo everyone but Marvin away bc it’s okay, we got this now, you can go to sleep bc goddamn it’s late, but none of them want to leave. Anraí actually just goes “Fuck That!” a lil too loudly. And that’s how they end up all camping out there for a while.

They bring more blankets and pillows and the rest of them just sit on the floor. They even bring snacks jic someone’s stomach will eventually feel up for eating, but none of them do. They end up talking after a while, of random shit and anecdotes and whatnot to help distract themselves, and everyone but Marvin takes part. They call it quits when Chase falls asleep hugging Teddy’s arm, and they have to wake him up again to get him into bed.

Getting him off to bed ends up as him, Anraí and Teddy all piled onto one bed (bc Chase is a fancy bastard with a double bed) and they swear it’s “just five minutes” but when Stephen checks in on them before going to sleep himself he finds them asleep in a pile. Chase may or may not fall off the bed by morning without waking up and the only part of him that remains on is the leg Anraí wrapped his tail around in his sleep.

Stephen is the last one to leave, bc nothing has changed in hours so he hopes that’ll keep up while he sleeps. He tells Marvin to call him as soon as something does happen, even if it seems minor or ends up being a false alarm, it’s okay. Marvin just nods, and lets Stephen hug him, and then v hoarsely says goodnight.

And so Marvin is left to sit vigil on his own again.

The first thing Jackie knows when he wakes up is the dull ache everywhere in his body, and then sharper pain in a Lot of different spots. The next thing he doesn’t even consciously acknowledge, but it’s Marvin’s magic surrounding him, which he’s just so used to at this point he doesn’t really bat an eye.

The third thing is that he remembers that he’s sad, or supposed to be sad at least. He doesn’t know why, he just is, and for now he’s not too bothered about finding out. But he figures that if he’s sad and Marvin is here, then the easy solution is to talk to him or cuddle with him or something, and then maybe he won’t be sad anymore.

When he opens his eyes he finds a mostly asleep Marvin with his head resting on the edge of the bed, the armchair he’s still mostly in pulled up as close as it will go, and holding his hand. And that + yknow, getting a glimpse of his own arm all bandaged up finally makes him remember Why he’s here and what happened.

And in bright daylight, he feels like shit about it! It was a shitty way to handle everything and bad for Everyone and right now he doesn’t even understand Why he felt the need to do that and he really, really wishes he didn’t. Bc now everything Hurts, and he knows he must’ve scared everyone too. And he must’ve Especially scared poor Marvin, who’s here falling asleep on the edge of the infirmary bed, his blanket mostly on the floor and his face smudged from crying. Bc Jackie doesn’t know Everything about how Marvin handled it the first time something like this happened or why it fucked him up so much, but he knows that it Did and that alone should’ve been enough reason for him to take care of himself, bc he’d never wanna put Marvin through whatever hell he went through the first time.

And yet he did anyway.

He knows this whole thing is gonna lead to so many unpleasant conversations now, and he hates it and wants to postpone it as much as possible. He doesn’t wanna have to look his friends in the eye (he won’t, he’ll stare at anything else possible to avoid looking at them anyway) and tell them that he went and almost got himself killed bc of some stupid self-esteem issues.

But he doesn’t wanna deal with any of that rn so instead he decides to wake Marvin as gently as he can bc they probably Both need comfort rn. He starts by just rubbing circles into the back of his hand, and that alone is enough, bc p much as soon as he starts to move Marvin jolts awake, eyes wide in alarm, clearly never having meant to doze off in the first place.

And then he sees Jackie, awake and looking at him with a small, gentle smile, and he starts to cry again.

It takes some convincing that no, it’s okay, he won’t get super hurt from it, but eventually Jackie manages to tug Marvin onto the bed with him. Bc goddamnit, maybe making space for both of them Will hurt for a bit, but Marvin is sad and scared and probably spent an entire night sitting in an armchair and nodding off on the edge of the bed, and Jackie wouldn’t mind some cuddling either despite the pain, so fuck it. They make it work.

Marvin eventually ends up on his side while Jackie still lies on his back, and he holds onto him, careful not to hurt him more, and he just...cries. He tries his best to be quiet and not gross about it, and eventually it turns into mostly just small, breathless hiccups bc he’s already been crying so much. Jackie isn’t sure what to say to make it better, and his voice is hoarse and quiet, but he says stuff like “it’s okay” and “I’m here” and “we’re safe, nothing bad’s gonna happen now”. Sometimes Marvin mumbles something back, and most of it sounds suspiciously like “I love you”, so Jackie says it back every time he thinks he hears it.

He feels bad about it afterwards, but after a while, despite Marvin’s crying and occasional nervous fidgeting, he drifts off again.

The next time he wakes up again he comes to fairly quickly, and finds himself in the middle of a stand off, because on one side he’s got Stephen standing next to the bed, trying really hard not to smile through his mock-angry expression, on the other he’s got Marvin still lying next to him and holding his arm and staring up at Stephen like he’s the world’s most horrible traitor.

Turns out Stephen told Marvin that he should probably not be cuddling his asleep and v injured boyfriend and Marvin called him an asshole for it.

And honestly the whole thing is kinda just…..sweet and goofy for a lil bit?? Marvin finally smiles when he sees Jackie awake and Jackie finds it ridiculous himself but his heart does a happy lil backflip at that, and he feels v giddy when Marvin gives him a “good morning” kiss on the cheek. Stephen v fondly tells him he’s glad he’s finally awake before nagging Marvin until he begrudgingly sits up and lets Stephen do a check-up on Jackie.

Jackie is well enough thanks to Stephen’s expert work + Marvin’s magic that he can at least leave the infirmary and instead is moved to one of the couches in the living room, where he’s told to still stay on his ass as much as possible, but at least he’s more comfortable and gets to hang out with everyone else. He gets a change of clothes and also breakfast (and so does Marvin bc he hasn’t eaten yet either) and eventually Marvin snuggles up with him (he had a shit night, okay) and they play pokemon together (a lot of handing the 3DS back and forth and “oh god why did you do that, come on let me do it” “no, fuck you”) when there’s no conversation going on with anyone else around.

And for a lil while Jackie feels content despite the pain and being stuck in bed (couch), bc he’s safe and cosy and everyone is being nice to him without babying him and he gets to criticise Marvin’s pokemon naming practices as much as he wants.

(They’re playing the same Moon save that Marvin had played the first time Bad Things happened to Jackie, and in which he has a shiny ribombee named after Jackie, called ShortySofboy, which is short for “Shorty McSoftboy” bc it didn’t fit.)

They know they’re not in any immediate danger (Anraí assured them that none of his kind are anywhere Near the house, and Marvin has wards up in case they Did decide to come pay them a visit), so they let Jackie have his nice morning instead of interrogating him. But all enjoyable mornings must come to an end and Anraí is the one who eventually slips up and all casually asks Jackie “what the fuck were you doing out there last night, anyway?”

And Jackie has to scramble for a lie to tell.

Marvin feels Jackie’s pulse jump (bc he’s still right next to him, he is Not Leaving) and gives Anraí a very disapproving look and Anraí refuses to look at him after that. Jackie kinda retreats into his shell for a lil while to come up with something, but the others assume it’s bc he doesn’t wanna talk about/remember all the events from last night.

It barely helps Jackie at all tho bc goddamnit Anraí looks genuinely sorry for bringing it up too early and Marvin is looking at him all soft and concerned, he doesn’t Deserve them being so kind to him when he was out there doing Bullshit Reckless Things he Knew would get him hurt.

He is This Close to just saying he’d rather not talk about it, but he might as well, right? Sooner or later it Will happen, maybe if he does it now he won’t have to tell Everyone, they’ll just discuss amongst themselves. Which isn’t likely bc they’re more respectful than that, but he can hope, right?

“I...I did some very stupid shit last night.”

He can feel Marvin shift next to him and he can see Anraí’s ear flick curiously and he can practically Feel them wanting to tell him he’d never done anything wrong in his life ever but not knowing if they Should bc they don’t know the full story yet.

So he tells them he went to one of the places they never go, ever, because they Know they’re swarming with more monsters than all of them together could handle on a good day, and tried to pick off a few. Knowing full well the few would turn into many. He tells them, in a small voice, that he doesn’t even know how he got away.

He doesn’t tell them that he remembers running off a ledge, not even sure he could fly anymore, then flying as fast as he possibly could, and crashing in an alley bc he was too exhausted to even land properly anymore.

He carefully, deliberately avoids mentioning Why.

And so, of course, they ask.

Anraí just looks shocked and still so sorry for bringing it up, bc Jackie obviously doesn’t wanna talk about it. And Marvin looks worried and even scared, but also confused, bc he knows he’s missing Something, there’s something here he missed but should’ve seen long ago. Maybe he could have prevented this.

But Jackie doesn’t see any of that, bc he can’t make himself look up and see how sorry they are, see their concern and worry, knowing he did this all because he doesn’t know how to deal with his own shitty feelings, not even for a moment considering how it’d affect his friends. He keeps his eyes fixed on his lap, and tries to brace himself for when it hits. For explaining Why.

Marvin is the one to ask it. “But...why?” The rest of the question is lost somewhere, but Jackie gets it. They all get it.

He sounds so small and uncertain, Jackie has to keep himself from wincing.

“Because I...I suck at handling my own fucking feelings. So I went off and did some stupid shit.”

He sounds so angry and disappointed, but at himself, and Marvin and Anraí want to comfort him but Can’t bc they don’t know How.

“I wanted to prove that I’m worth something!”

The end of it almost comes out as a yell, but it’s choked and broken and desperate, and Jackie sounds like he’s about to cry.

He is.

“I wanted to prove that I’m not just here for comic relief, I can hold my own and handle shit myself! I’m not just a little idiot to be babied and saved! I’m not holding you guys back!”

He’s crying, but he doesn’t even care to wipe the tears away bc he’s Angry and Tired and just wishes he could go back and not do this, but he knows he’d do it again anyway. He needed to prove himself Somehow, even if he chose the wrong way to do so.

He feels out of breath and his throat hurts and it’s an effort to even just swallow properly. Every cut and bruise and stitch hurts.

“...and I wasn’t even right. I had to be saved anyway.”

He wishes he could just get up and leave and not have to be part of this conversation anymore. He doesn’t wanna see their worried, sad faces and hear their pity. He doesn’t want any of this. But he can’t leave, bc everything hurts and he’d just be held back out of worry anyway. And then Stephen would kill him if he found out.

He doesn’t want their uncertain little half-sentences that get cut off on their own anyway. He tells them to save it. And they do.

He’s pretty sure he’s shaking.

Anraí asks if there’s anything they can do to help, and he just shrugs. He doesn’t know, doesn’t care. But then Marvin asks if he can hug him, and…

He doesn’t know. Does he want comfort? Does he deserve it?

He nods.

And so he’s drawn into a careful, gentle hug, Marvin’s hands avoiding all his worst injuries, like he knows where they are without looking, and he does. Bc his magic is still there, reading Jackie’s vitals like it’s second nature at this point. And he doesn’t talk, which Jackie is grateful for, he says nothing aside from a quiet, genuine “I’m sorry.” And Jackie finds himself pressing into him the best he can without it hurting.

He just wants to hide here from the world for a while.

There’s more talks. Awkward, nervous talks that Jackie has to mentally prepare himself for and finishes shaking, with tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. Marvin usually holds his hand or rubs his back through them, not caring if anyone bats an eye at the “unwarranted” PDA during a heavy conversation. All he cares about is that it makes things a bit easier for Jackie.

They talk about a lot of things, over time. They talk about Jackie’s self-esteem, his fear of getting left behind or being a burden to the group. About his unhealthy ways of coping with that. About how this mission or any mission doesn’t determine his worth and place in the team. About how they all love and value and respect him, and about how they could do more to show that, to keep this from happening again, to keep him from getting lonely with his thoughts.

And so they try to make it all better.

The effort they put in shows and sometimes results in the same effect as a clumsily supportive parent cheering you on through something they barely know anything about, but did their enthusiastic research on the internet anyway. They do their best to make sure he knows how much they value him, how proud they are of him, how amazed they are by his abilities. That he’s just as much a part of the team as everyone else is. That they know he can hold his own.

It doesn’t go quick and it doesn’t work perfectly immediately, but they work on it. The bad thoughts don’t go away right away and fully, but Jackie learns to work through them and tell them they’re wrong.

And this time, he’s got help.

Marvin wakes up in the middle of the night. It’s a restless night, he’s already woken up and struggled himself back to sleep three times. He’s about to just roll over and try again, when he decides that maybe he should chance if Jackie is awake. Cuddling? An all nighter? Who the fuck cares he just wants to do Something other than This and Jackie sounds like the perfect company for that.

Except he finds Jackie’s room empty.

And that’s it, he doesn’t look for any logical explanations or clues or anything, his brain immediately kicks into overdrive and flashes him back to the last time Jackie disappeared at night, and then came back bleeding out and passed out in his arms.

It is Not a fun feeling.

He doesn’t wake anyone anyway bc What If It’s A False Alarm, he’d never live that down (everyone would forgive him, but him? He wouldn’t forget the shame), so he just goes looking, hoping Jackie is in their giant ass house Somewhere doing something completely mundane and safe.

The bathroom is empty, he could already see that bc there was no light coming out from under the door, but he checks anyway. The kichen and living room are also empty, and at this point his logic is getting fucky from all the tiredness and anxiety, so he barely knows where he should look next.

He checks the indoor garden.

It’s so ridiculously calm compared to everything he’s feeling rn. There’s a cloudless sky with perfect constellations above, a slight breeze weaving through the plants that’s coming from nowhere, and the flickering lil lights they call fireflies but don’t know for Sure bc they’ve spent night after night trying to catch them and never could. It’s so quiet and peaceful, he doesn’t wanna yell, even if he knows none of his sleeping friends would hear and wake up to it.

He hurries along the path to the lil resting area they have, with a couple benches and lots of pillows and fairy lights. He sees the fairy lights shining through the trees before he sees the rest.

And he finds Jackie sitting on one of the benches, a book in his hands. Safe and sound.

All the anxiety and adrenaline disappears in that single moment and Marvin almost collapses, which sounds hella dramatic but he’s fuckin Tired and was Not prepared to panickedly scour the house for his boyfriend at like 2am.

Jackie can see that Something Is/Was Wrong so he’s v gentle when he talks but also he makes grabby hands at Marvin until he 1. giggles at it and 2. comes over to sit.

“Shit night?” “Yeah...” “Same.”

Marvin wants to just v simply tell why he’s here but instead he just spills a whole lot of thoughts at once and Jackie listens patiently. “I couldn’t sleep and I went to find you, bc why the fuck not, right? Worth a try. But you weren’t in your room so I got stupid anxious bc What If You Left, again, to get hurt and prove yourself. And I was worried. Not bc I don’t think you can handle things! You can. I trust you and I believe in you and I know you can handle shit on your own, I promise! But you’re also my best friend and my boyfriend and I Love You and I’m worried about you getting hurt bc I really don’t want you to get hurt. Not bc you can’t handle it, just…bc it sucks.”

That, fyi, is a Lot of Feeling Talk to get out of Marvin at once, or at all. Jackie is kinda baffled but also, like, it’s in the middle of the night, and tired, just-came-down-from-an-adrenaline-rush Marvin is a Very feelsy Marvin.

And so Jackie tells him that it’s okay, he gets it, and also that he’s actually having a good night mental health-wise, he just couldn’t sleep bc of restlessness. It happens. But he knows the reason Marvin worries about him is bc he cares and he’s been getting better about in general seeing worry as caring instead of condescending. Marvin is so glad he’s doing better.

At some point Jackie winds up on Marvin’s lap and Marvin hugs him Very Tight and okay Jackie can’t go back to reading like this now but it’s okay bc it’s nice. They eventually end up dozing off sitting which isn’t Super Comfy but they’re fine and neither of them feel like getting up and going back to bed when they actually grow tired enough to fall asleep. But it’s okay.

They just feel a lil cold when they wake up in the morning.

#original art #original character #original writing #writing #fuck it it gets the tag #rivals au #oc: jackie #oc: marvin #oc: stephen #oc: anraí #oc: chase #oc: theodore #hi my hands are absolutely killing me now!!!!!! enjoy

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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

damn, i never got to go to get boujie burgers with the dude. That's kind of wack.

I'm a lot less angsty over the things i didnt get to do with him these days, since now i have the mental note of "pffffft you would've asked him, had to wait hours, get a 'maybe', aaaand then get cancelled on whenever something more eye catching had become available, or, the apparent 'risk' of his family knowing i existed".

It makes it easier, knowing that the only difference between today if we were "friends" or seperate, is that today would have been me probably ready to kill myself if I felt strung along the other day.... (Not to guilt him, or anything, if anything the feeling tends to happen for most dilemmas. Even buying art supplies or eating anything that i know is overpriced out of pure desperation and starvation makes me feel bad, so like....)

The option of "go to work, happy and contented, with a fat wallet and cute as always", is better than "the mans, who is not my mans, showed me yet again that he is not my mans", and then showing up to work today, more irritable and grouchy than ever.

Good thing I chose to send the letter. :)

....fuck, we never went to a noise music concert! Damn! Not like i could've attended anyway, due to my job, and not like the night would've ended with me fucking his brains out, cuddling, and waking up the next morning to go have breakfast with him.

So yet another case of, "I made the right choice".

Since going in with any expectations would be the death of me. :)

I'll be alright. I am living and breathing. Sometimes, that's all a person needs to do.

Aaaaand feeling contented.

I guess now I don't have to be nervous about him checking my tumblr or snooping on my page for vlogs or whatever. (Unless he's reading this?) But I doubt he is. I gave him permission to anyway.

.....

I also hope I didn't scare him. Since a girl showing up to your doorstep at midnight, with a letter, and being quick to leave, just hugging you before saying "Just know you were a good friend to me, alright?", in hindsight..... Probably screams "she just wrote a suicide note."

But I was alright, and definitely was not trying to give off that vibe. There was just no way to go, "I like you, and therefore can never to see you again", to the guy. :/

Face to face would've lead to tears. And I wasn't spiteful, just more..... completely finished.

The night I got that "maybe" text, I thought, "I'm worth more than this, and I know it."

Was tired of letting my friends down, from the way I would post "this is the last time ill see him, i am done with him and cutting this guy off", to "omgggg yall i had such a good time with him, like, whew i felt so ecstatic."

And tired of the weird feeling of being so disposable to a person, when I knew myself that I am a lot more valuable than one would think.

I knew if I waited till morning, I'd just wait around all day, hoping to see him. Anticipating it. Either getting forgotten again, or being over for maybe an hour. No treat, no movies, just boring uninitiated planned out missionary sex, and then forgetting about me again.

It was awkward the other time. I saw it through rose colored glasses, but full honesty.... It was pretty wack, the way he said no to Netflix and Chill, and did want to have sex while simultaneously not touching me.... It was unsettling? Not gonna say I had mixed signals about the way he kept nonstop making out with me, but I will say that.... Yknow, sex is cool, but.... You gotta know how to initiate it. Seemed like he had forgotten four months of experience within a month, or was in the "what if that seems too relationshippy" mentality.

Netflix and Chill makes it easy to transition. You just go from sitting, to "hey you can lay down if you want/can i put my feet on your lap?", to agreeing to cuddle, (he was a chill lil spoon,) and theeeeeen hands move, or yall do one neck kiss and suddenly make out, then, boom, suddenly you're naked and on the floor, getting bizayyyyy as American Psycho plays "Too Hip To Be Square" in the background.

........not related to my ex, but it had happened before.

And nothing is more awkward than walking upstairs to your ex's bedroom, and he's staring at the floor, keeping his hands to himself, aaaaaand whatnot.......

He's an awkward fellow. I don't know why I pretend to be surprised when he does things like that, if i knew that even before we ever met..... but its cute. Or, it was cute.

I can't tell if it was nerves, or him having second thoughts.... I could just be overthinking it? Or am I? I don't know. I shouldn't call him.

8:07pm, maybe four hours later. I called him at like 4:13pm, didn't get a response for awhile.

Turns out it was perfectly normal sex, and not the terrible thing I feared it was.

Was it nonconsensual? Nope, it was consensual.

Was it just not great sex with a naturally nervous guy, who may or may not be a sub, but how am i supposed to know really? Yeah.

Long story short, you gotta actually know how to initiate sex with the person you are attracted to. And if you don't, then just look up Rush Hour 3 on Netflix, and boom, panties drop the second someone sees Chris Tucker pelvis thrusting in traffic for the opening scene.

Anyway, now that i am no longer feeling mortified about a fictional situation formed in my own head.....

I didn't want to have sex where despite me knowing dude for like, a quarter of a year, and spending almost every day of the stated time with him there, was a stranger in the bed. (Except for oral, and making out.)

I always lack interest in bad sex, and emotionally unavailable men.

As he said on his twitter, that I had saw, "I am now emotionally unavailable. Its my form of self care."

And nothing is less sexy than a boring man with a lack of foreplay skills, and unwillingness to have real intimacy.

Why settle? Sure, he's got great lips, and he was absolutely ridiculously HARD as a mother fucker last time we banged, off of kissing or seeing my chest alone. (Damn, my pussy twitched. Note to self: stop thinking about the good parts of sex with him. Hell, thats how yall ended up FWB again in the first place....)

Great, now I'm blushing.

Cool, gotta change my mind to something else.......

Um..... elephants? Elephants. Cool. I love elephants. Winston Churchill. Historical figures. Kobe Bryant. Michelle Obama. Naruto. Theeeeeere we go.

Back to my writing, this time without my body heat raising dramatically.

If I wanted an emotionally unavailable guy with an attractive, (or.... decent,) face, to just leave me on read and occasionally have sex with me, then I would just call...... *flips through my ginormous list of contact numbers*....... almost any person in my phone, excluding family members.

Booty calls mean nothing to me. Most of the ones I have, I rarely even go to. Why? Since there will always be someone out there, willing to do more than the bare minimum for me.

I know that if I put all of the people in the world who would ever find me attractive in a large room and said, "Who here wants to fuck me?", then almost any noncelibate and non-saving-themselves-for-marriage man (or women, or nonbinary) person would raise their hand.

I am also aware that if I then said, "Cool. Now who here wants to have GOOD sex, cuddle, let me meet their parents, take me out to eat from time to time, and probably not break my heart over bullshit?", theeeen there would be a chance that some hands would go down.

That's fine. Not everyone is cut out for it. But the chances of me meeting someone who could treat me well, out of all the people in the world or even this town, is never a zero.

So, why stop at the first guy with nice eyes and a pretty face? He's a beautiful dude, of course, but he never knows what he wants. Decided to stop doing all the things that actually made me like him, and seriously be happy in his presence.

You can't jump from "ice skating and watching shooting stars" to "i wont pay for ur burrito and will fuck you in near silence for 6 minutes". That's a new low, as well as a really far jump below. If one attempted to jump from such a high standard to the low one, as if they were literal buildings, they'd definitely hurt themselves.

Its like jumping from the Empire State Building to a shanty; you'd break your fucking knee caps. :)

So, V-Day's Eve came around. I wanted some new love. And remembered that if I wanted a nice dinner, getting all dressed up and shown off, and a dope ass meal with someone to buss it open onto, in the lingerie I own, then well.....

I should NOT settle for the man who wouldn't even think to get me CVS candy.... and he lives RIGHT next to a CVS too, which is even more embarrassing. (If I made you brownies for good dick, then you can spend 4 bucks to thank me on having epic pussy, at least. Thats honesty.)

Hell; it would have been simp as fuck if I needed to ask him for something. I know that our whole relationship started on the basis of "He doesn't have a clue on how to be romantic, but cut him some slack, he still wants to try and make an effort for you girl.

The big differences are:

He does have a clue on how to be romantic. He just doesnt want that for me. Simple.

We are no longer in a relationship.

He doesn't wanna try and make an effort, for you, girl.

I think even the most clueless man would take a hint, but whatever. He didn't. And I wasn't gonna be ecstatic to have the "no, we are not dating.... yes, please give me a gift", talk with this man.

It was embarrassing at the beginning trying to even imagine going, "Hey there, man who I am somewhat romantically interested in. You better do [insert basic manners or a romantic act] here, or I will be upset". (I'm not that type.... Only to people I specifically do not care about have I ever been that type. I can go "either pay for my uber or fuck off" to someone i lack interest in, waaaay easier than simping for a guy who I dont want to admit I like and still enjoy the presence of around me.)

So if I already didnt wanna date the guy due to having to potentially teach him the most ideal way to have me feel like i am cared for, or for me to like him, materialistically or non materialistically...

Then, i definitely dont want to do that to someone who has DEFINITELY made it clear where I stand; not next to him, but far behind him in life.

I had to leave.

Once I finally hit the point of, "I can go another lifetime without wanting him to grab my ass again", or "I can probably live without his tongue on my pussy, now that ive got the refresher, and the realization of how it changes nothing".... A huge emotional shift had happened.

You know its official, when the sex addict actually doesn't want you to touch her any more.

Then it was.... "So if no sex, and if no romantic intimacy, hows the friendship looking?"

Pretty bleak.

Dude couldn't even keep plans, would cancel at the idea of any of his "best friends" knowing that we still talk. (To be fair, they probably like me even less if they heard about the pre-January incidents, but whatever. Some do and some dont, i couldnt care less about the way they feel for me... Also, Azalea, if you're reading this, invest in turmeric. Itll help with your acne scars, as well as assist with digestion, weight gain, body problems, and getting a faster metabolism going for yourself. Looked like you needed it, so figured id be nice and give you some tips and all..... No shade, just tea.)

I hate that bitch, but luckily she doesnt do shit. And neither will i, since hell, i rest easy, knowing I never felt the need to ban someone elss's girlfriend from a birthday party, or else I'd thrash a place and piss my pants. Unlike some people.... cough cough.... her stupid ass.

It's definitely not a chill friendship, if it's him cancelling on me so that his mom or dad wouldn't see me around. (Oh look, another reminder of something that made me downgrade him to a FWB when we first met! Man, history repeats itself! People never change! Wowzers.)

Treat me like I'm something to hide and then you're forgotten about, its the simplest shit in the world.

Juuuuust, christ.

So many signs, soooo many signs.

I'll keep venting, since I have no reason to hide the way I feel about things.

He chose.... every thing. He chose not to do dates, resolve problems, and more.

He chose to choose the route that made it harder, instead of easier.

He chose a lack of trust, communication, or healthy boundaries.

I'm just glad I recognized them by now. It'll bite him in the ass eventually, and thats all ill need to remember, really.

Since even picturing "what ifs?", never worked. No matter my attitude, it would have never changed his. Its true.

.........

I can't even regret swearing at her.

When you pair a weirdly paranoid bitch with an overly anxious, and overly suspicious acting, boyfriend..... well, you get an uneasy girlfriend.

And when no one else but the girlfriend wishes to resolve shit, then its obvious no one wants shit to get resolved. Bitch chose her wrong decisions. He chose his. I wasnt about to take the moral high ground at my own expense. So screw it.

If the hoe didnt wanna get called a shady bitch, then she shouldn't have been shady! Period! That's like a jewel thief, being mad at being accused of being a jewel thief, when all they do is lurk and creep around the vault while giving you the side eye.... "you havent done much yet, but you sure as fuck making yourself look terrible right now."

Its clear that he lacked enough respect for me to be honest. So did she. And i was honest. So, oh well, fuck that sloppy bodied AND sloppy personalitied, sloppy faced bitch. Miss Azalea Cooch can be a dick all she wants, but she's still the fan reading my page hoping to catch me saying some shit. Feel free to send it to Patrick, girl, it only makes you look like a clown to send my ex my shit anyway. How's that being a good friend? "He clearly wants to either befriend her platonically, or get over her. Better send him her posts!" Weirdo type shit.

Anyway.

Sis is stupid. He was a clown. And I had rooted for taking him back. But I wanted to see him put on the red nose one more time, juuuuust to see if he would go back to his old ways.

He shoooole did. :)

And now here I am, leaving the circus he made just for me. Peace, joker.

Now, whats important now is:

Drinking water to feel energized

Feeling cute

Destresssing and decluttering

Having my own damn fun

#yes #life #cool #radical

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