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justaghostingon · 11 months

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Lan Qiren’s Funtime Adventure

Or, Lan Qiren’s mid-life crisis’ vacation

Based loosely off the headcanons of @robininthelabyrinth

After the sunshot campaign, Lan Qiren wakes up one day and realizes he hasn’t done a thing for himself since he was his nephews age.

He’s been father, sect leader, teacher, all things he’s had to become to fill the gap his brother left and to be there for his nephews. And sure, he loves teaching, but it wasn’t what he wanted to do with his life.

He wanted to become a traveling musician!

And now, the war is over, and lan xichen is sect leader. He doesn’t need his uncle anymore! He’s lead a war! Secured an alliance with both the jin and the nie!

He can handle himself while his Uncle takes a few months off.

So Lan Qiren bids his nephews goodbye, dons traveling clothes, and sets out with only a handful of instruments and a song in his heart.

Now life on the road isn’t as easy for a middle-aged man as it is for a young one. Lan Qiren has many aches and pains to prove it. So he starts staying at any place that will take in a wandering musician.

This means he’s no longer staying at high end inns, but local taverns as well.

And while those high end places might like the soothing and elegant classical music lan qiren is gifted at, those in the taverns want something a bit more…bouncy.

So lan qiren is forced to make new songs to appease the masses. And although he loves crafting music, he’s a bit at a loss on what to make thr lyrics.

That is until one drunken guest demands a love song about those fancy cultivators and lan Qiren is so outraged he freestyles an entire song about how bad his peers are at love

The song is an instant classic, and Lan Qiren realizes something huge: He can just rant about all the problems he kept inside and people will eat it up!!!!

And its not like he’s hurting anyone, no one knows who he is! He’s just got to make sure he doesn’t put any names in any of it!

He says like a middle-aged man who refuses to take off his lan forehead ribbion could be anyone but a lan

Thus his career as a radical singer/song writer begins

Highlights include:

“The Way of the Heart” (popular name “You All Suck at Love”) - his first and greatest hit, where he lists off the failings of the couples in his generation, from unfaithfulness (jin), wishy-washiness (jiang), lashing out in jealousy (madam yu), possessive behavior (his brother), and terrible choice in partners (Lao Nie).

“My Nephew has Terrible Taste in Friends” (popular name “The Cutsleeve’s Ballad”) - in which he rants about both his nephew’s friends from anger issues (nie mingjue), two faced (jin guangyao), and everything ever about wei wuxian.

“Beware Powerful Men” (popular name “The Many Bastards of Jin Guangshan”) - in which he warns young ladies of getting with a man who does not provide for his children, who does not keep his promises, and who will never marry you whatever he says. (Lan Qiren met second lady mo and her child and got really, really mad at how young she was)

“A Well Mannered Young Woman” (popular name “She’s not Flirting with You She’s Just Being Polite”) - Lan Qiren had to deal with jin zixuan’s behavior towards Jiang yanli in the cloud recesses, he heard about the soup incident from lan zhan, and about jin guangshan failing to reengage them. He’s not impressed with the rumors that say jiang yanli is hopelessly persuing jin zixuan, and he has things to say.

“The Many Faults of Wen Rouhan” (popular name “I Have so Many Problems with Wen Rouhan and Now I Can Finally Talk About Them!”) - in which lan qiren recounts all the times wen rouhan drove him nuts at sect conferences. Not the big things mind you, but the little things that lan qiren just had to swallow because he couldn’t risk insulting him as only an “acting” sect leader. The world will hear about how wen rouhan set the table wrong actually, that bowl was supposed to be a little more to the left and he Knew it!

Naturally songs insulting the leaders of the cultivation sects do not go over well in the main clans. “The Way of the Heart”/“You All Suck at Love” is banned from the Jin, the Nie, and the Jiang. The only reason its not banned from the lan is because it was Lan Qiren’s song, and lan Xichen knows it was Lan Qiren even if its technically “annoyamous”

Technically its banned in the lower sects as well, but they are absolutely all listening to it in secret and chuckling at all the spilled tea

The Cutsleeve’s ballad is not banned, but its not looked upon very positively, except to smirk and gossip about the lan’s “inclinations.” Jin guangyao wants it banned, as its implications against the sworn brothers are detrimental to him, but his father has it played whenever he wants to humiliate him.

Lan Xichen reassures Jin Guangyao that the song is just proof that Lan Qiren has excepted them, which is a good thing really!

“He’s given us his blessing,” lan xichen trails a hand down jin guangyao’s arm. “Shouldn’t we celelbrate it?” He winks at nie mingjue.

Lan Xichen is absolutely under the impression that this sworn brotherhood is more than a brotherhood and is using this “permission” from his uncle to make his move.

Meanwhile the jin are all up in arms when “Beware Powerful Men” comes out. It takes all of jin guangyao’s persuasiveness to convince jin guangshan not to go to war. Arguing that no one could prove it was him. If they make a move people with know its about him, see? Thus jin guangshan is unable to do anything except sit there and grit his teeth. Madam jin however, loves it.

Jin Zixuan does not pick up that “A Well Mannered Young Woman” is about him. He does grow to hate the song however, as both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng will sing it loudly anytime he tries to talk to jiang yanli. (The brothers absolutely know the song is about jiang yanli and are very proud of how praised she’s become)

Finally the many faults of Wen Rouhan is a hit all across the cultivation world, with sects big anf small singing it to themselves. It is quite possibly the only reason that Lan Qiren is not exiled from the cultivation world like his songs.

So Lan Qiren continues his traveling musician journey, completely ignoring all politics, and thus missing the wen going missing and wei ying defecting.

Until that is, he wanders into yiling, and encounters Wei ying with a-yuan and wen ning, selling radishes.

Lan Qiren is horrified at what wen ning has become, but even more horrified that there is a child in wei wuxian’s care of all people! How will little a-yuan live?

Being an uncle used to having to step up, he refuses to leave until he sees where a-yuan sleeps.

To which wei wuxian finds himself escorting lan Qiren up to the burial mounds, and introduces him to the wens

Lan Qiren is beyond horrified. A child! In the burial mounds?!!! With elderly farmers???? How could the sects allow this???

The sects are the reason we have to stay here,” wen qing explains. “Because we’re wens”

And Lan Qiren…lan Qiren has always been a rule follower. He hated the wen for taking his home and trampling on his beliefs. But…there were half a dozen rules, important ones! About allowing injustice and the treatment of civlians and prisoners.

But what’s more, Lan Qiren lost his entire life taking care of anothers burdens because he had to. It was filital, and his duty as a brother. But when he looks at wei ying, who hated the wen more than anything, who shares no blood with these people and yet is willing to throw his own future away anyways, and he sees himself.

No. Not himself, a better version. Someone he had always striven to be. And he got there without rules.

So Lan Qiren stays for a little bit, uses his money to help them get more supplies, but he can’t stay long, the burial mounds cant afford another mouth to feed

So lan Qiren goes to the inn, and he writes, and writes, and when he’s finished, he has a new ballad to spread around

“The Yiling Patriarch” - is a bit different from his usual songs. It has some pretty strong criticism of wei wuxian, like “a child needs structure u can’t just let him run around all day” and “what idiot tries to grow lotus on a mountain” but they are specifically chosen to make him seem far less scary, even relatable. For most of it, the yiling patrarch is portrayed as noble, someone giving up his own future and reputation to take on the burdens that the sects neglected.

The true criticism of the song goes to the great sects, for mistreating the weak, poor, and young. For punishing civilians for crimes they did not commit. And how exactly are they different from wen Rouhan?

The song when first heard is met with silence. The audience confused and not quite willing to accept it yet.

But lan Qiren doesn’t give up, singing it loudly where ever he can, using names for the first time ever, just to make it very clear where he stands.

And slowly, people start to listen. The civlians believe first, terrified that the great sects could turn on them like they turned on the wen.

Then those of lower clans, who fear the power and abuses the great sects might turn on them.

Finally lan Qiren goes before the sect conference itself, and angrily sings his song. Then stops and proceeds to lecture each and every one of them about exactly how they screwed up.

And here’s the thing. Lan Qiren had a lot of influence, far more than he realizes. He’s taught the majority of the younger generation, and three of the four sect leaders. They owe him feital piety.

So when he stands up, people listen.

Not all of them, jin guangshan never does, but enough do, and the rest see the way the tide is turning and don’t want to be left behind.

And both nie mingjue and jin guangyao have a new boyfriend and they really don’t want to disappoint their new in-law.

Thus Lan Qiren saves the wens and gets them put up in a nice valley near cloud recesses, saving the day with the power of disappointed teacher face, music, and vacations!

The end

#the untamed au #the untamed #mo dao su zhi #mdzs #mdzs au #lan qiren music au #lan qiren #lan xichen #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #jin guangshan #weu wuxian #a yuan #wen yuan #don’t worry wangxian get together its just after the wens move next door

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