OOOOOK OK OK

FINISHED ACOFAF SO IM BASICALLY GIVING MYSELF A GO SIGNAL FOR THIS SPINOFF

Ok so Peep is an adult now right? she was born and raised in the Material Plane bla bla bla and naturally having a mom like Chirp, Peep's definitely a bundle of energy who marches to the beat of her own drum. I feel like she was one of those "chosen one" kids who went on heroic journeys in her youth, and now she's just a regular adult living her life.

Growing up, Peep's picked up on Chirp's worries about their mortality. I think it would be natural if Peep surpressed any thoughts of her own towards the matter, saying she and Esme are strong and healthy, but the thoughts are lowkey getting into Peep's skin too

And boom!! Grandfather shows up!!! He already knows about Esme and Peep a few years (maybe a decade?) ago. Of course, he was initially furious, but I'm guessing because Chip and Squak, y'know, saved the magic yadda yadda, he mellowed out over the years, and decides that he'd like to take great-granddaughter in just as he did with his grandchildren. He reaches out by some means (not by showing up in the Material Plane tho!! yucky) to Chirp stating that like he'd want to invite Peep over to stay with him during that year's bloom so she could make her debut.

He doesn't explicitly say anything, but Chirp suspects that he probably wants to repeat what he almost did with both her and Squak by using Peep as a marriage chip or as a potential successor (ie. bolster the Lords of the Wing's power). Of course, Chirp is hesitant about this, butttt she does recognize that Peep is her own person and whatever Peep chooses, she'll just have to support her daughter (she's defo getting Squak to subtly keep tabs on Peep 24/7 Like yeah sure, he's not exactly the best person to keep someone well-behaved, but all Chirp wants is for Peep to be safe not exactly coddled, and Squak is her ride or die ofc).

Plot twist though!!! Peep has actually been in correspondence with Grandfather for a few years now, although the topic of visiting the fey realm for Peep's first Bloom has only been on the table for a few months. I feel like Peep met Grandfather on one of her secret trips to the fey realm by accident as a kid?? (don't ask how they could meet when Grandpapa is always in the sky and don't ask how Chirp doesn't know about it either). The Lords of the Wing are in a relatively good position socially and politically during these times, so there's no big condition that Peep has to meet in order to be officially allowed into the fey realm. The only condition Grandfather would lay out is that Peep should debut into society as a Lord of the Wing, a rising vicountess.

Remember what I said about Chirp's insecurities about mortality seeping into Peep? So there's this macguffin item that's rumored to give immortality to those who possess it, and it's currently in the fey realm. Since the fey are effectively immortal, that little side effect is meaningless to them, but there's probably another, bigger reason as it why it's important to them. Like sure, Peep could just go in and try to get it, but it's currently in the hands of idk some random court. She needs the leverage of a noble title to get even remotely close to the item. Oh, also I'd like to add that since the effect of the item naturally can only affect one person, I'd feel like Peep would want to give it to Esme. Peep's a halfling, so she's confident that she'll live long enough to figure out an alternative for herself, but she's alright with not living forever. It's her parents' happiness that comes first, anyways.

Depending on whether Peep is genre-savvy or not, she could clear any miscommunications or betrayals along the way by admitting to Grandfather right away that her goal is to procur that item or she could also not, but I'd like to give her a W and say she did explicitly say that in one of her letters to her great grandpappy. Grandfather will help her in exchange for her to be known as the new member of the Lords. Humans are *slowly* being more common in the fey realm, and capitalizing off that trend by introducing a half-human into polite society is a gamble with high rewards. (also yeah, you get to spend time with estranged family woooo...)

When Peep debuts as Vicountess Featherfowl of Fledglington (?? idk about land names), I feel like she'd have a whole new personality to subvert expectations and gather potential suitors who are aligned with her targeted court. Being Chirp's daughter and all, people expected Peep to be just as rambunctious and thrill-seeking (well, she is, but she's not going to show it *that* early). Eventually, Peep's reputation allows her to be known as Vicountess Philippa Featherfowl the Demure, and Peep's steadily on her way to becoming whatever their version of the Diamond of the Season is.

Now, she has a long line of suitors right? And remember what I said about the macguffin being in one random court? There's an interesting prospect in Peep's list of suitors. A noble lady from the Seelie Court (maybe a daughter or granddaughter of Titania's, or even a lady in waiting).

Ok, so Peep's intrigued by this proposal bc

1.) she knows that Chirp had offended the Seelie Court when she was just a toddler,

2.) Peep has enough evidence to conclude that whatever she's looking for might reside in the Seelie Court, and there shouldn't be any harm investigating,

3.) In Chirp's words, the Seelie Court is the "most basic of feys", ie. the most vanilla choice that a girl like Chirp's daughter could make, and this subversion of expectations are likely going to make rounds in the gossip department

4.) It's the Seelie Court, anyways. A safe choice if Peep wants Grandfather's approval

5.) Okay, so maybeee this noble lady is just Peep's type, but that's just a bonus

Of course, this Seelie suitor did not actually want to court Peep willingly. It was an "ooo go entertain this newcomer and bring back all the dirt you got on her" from the King and Queen. Maybe they fall in love, maybe they become unlikey friends? Maybe Peep's true self might surface? Idk I just needed to put some type of conflict bc all my mind is focused on is making my new blorbo living my other blorbo's life but w less angst.

And here I will be contradicting myself on that statement. If they ever become closer, Peep's potential lover/friend is going to realize that oh shit, Peep's not immortal. She'll live long, but not long enough. Their entire argument post-enemies-to-blank is about whether or not Peep should use the macguffin on herself or not. Like this could go so many way. If Peep chooses Esme over herself, the Seelie suitor could either 1.) accept Peep's choice and grapple with the same anxieties Chirp has 2.) find a way to make herself mortal, so she does not have to worry about living a life after Peep. If Peep chooses herself, it's not like her parents would be upset, in fact, they'd be happy that Peep chose her own happiness, but Peep might be riddled with guilt because this was the reason why she came here in the first place. Ultimately, I think Peep will choose Esme, and the Seelie suitor might find a way to become mortal if their bond is that strong enough.

If this is too lacking in action, idk throw in a mage battle between Peep and someone?? I'm actually just here for the Bridgerton-esque drama but like a diet coke version bc this is honestly just a self indulgent fic/headcanon 😅

i need to stop going after emotionally unavailable men. and emotionally unavailable men need to stop being hot.

You asked me to take a hot shower, to be sure to exfoliate really well. It was an unusual request but I didn't think anything of it. I step out, mirrors fogged and wrap myself in a towel I sneak to the door and peak through.

The bed is set up, but in an unusual way, there aren't any toys or machines. The only thing familiar is the towel that was draped over the sheets...and the smell. Such a familiar smell...what was...wax. it was hot wax.

I opened the door slowly, you were sitting at the side of the bed playing with a little wooden stick swerling the hot wax in its pot. "How was your shower baby girl?" You didn't even lift your eyes from your new toy.

"You found my..."

"Your wax kit. Yes darling I did. And your shower?" You glance up looking at me for the first time since I got out.

"Goo-good Sir, it was good...hot...very hot...thank you Sir." I looked down fumbling with my fingers under your gaze.

"Good baby girl, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was thinking. You do so well staying so soft and smooth for me. But you're getting so big. Your belly is round with my child and your breasts are swollen with milk." You swiftly glide across the room, pulling my hair back and running your tongue against my neck. "Do you need my help darling?" You cooed into my ear gently tugging at the small tuff of hair that had start to form around my cunt.

I blush in Embarrassment, I had let myself go, I couldn't reach anymore and hadn't had the time to get it professionally done.

"OH baby girl, you know I don't mind. I'll fuck your tight little holes regardless. But would you like it if Master helped you take care of it?" You nibble on my ear slightly.

A sigh escapes my lips and you use this moment to sink your teeth into my neck and rip off my towel. Slamming your hand against the cunt you shove 3 fingers inside of me has hard as you can. You knew 2 would hardly fit and you'd have to really force them for 3 but this wasn't about me anymore and we both knew it.

You forced them inside of me and as hard as you could starter to finger me. The shock of the sensation and the slight pain of being stretched so abruptly had me gasping as my knees buckled and my weight sunk into you hand. You push me against the door frame with your other hand, fingers wrapped around my throat.

"I asked you a question slut" you snap at me, fingering me even harder

"Y-y-yes. Yes." I studer under your hand

"Yes what slut? I asked you a question. Use your words or it will only get worse" your hand tightens over my throat and you force in another finger

"Ahhh....eeerrrr...uuggghhh....p-p-p-please Sir. Please.....uuggghhh....please...please help" my knees collaping under me, my moans filling the air between my begging

"Please what my little slut?" Your voice is cooing but your hands remind me I'm still in danger, your lips part into a smirk that told me it was only the beginning no matter how hard I pleaded.

My eyes widen "Please Master... p-p-please help...help me reach Master ...please...uuugghh...ahhhhhhh...PLEASE HELP ME....AHH....PLEASE!!!!" I'm practically screaming under you hand, my cunt sloppy and wet, my mind going fuzzy.

"Good girl" you coo as you violently rip you hand from my cunt and let go of my throat. You swiftly turn around and walk back to your spot on the bed next to your new toy.

You hardly noticed as I dropped to my knees without the support of your hands around me. Coughing as i catch my breath. Trembling and leaking onto the floor I look up to you as you pat the towel on the bed. "Come here darling. I'd like to play with you now" your eyes harden as you examine me, I can see as your inner sadist peaks through and I know we've only started and we won't be stopping any time soon.

Thorn Bush (Doctor Who Story)

Chapter 12: The End of Time Part One

Masterlist

A/N: Have plans for this one but it depends if I execute it well or not 😅

——

The TARDIS materialises in the snowy landscape of the Ood Sphere, and the Doctor and Kathy step out with the former wearing a Stetson and a lei and the latter wearing a Tudor dress. Ood Sigma is waiting for them.

Kathy had decided not to change as she knows that after this adventure and the Doctor regenerates, they meet Amy and Kathy remembers that little homemade doll.

"Ah! Now, sorry. There you are." The Doctor greets them casually though Kathy knows he's likely feeling the opposite. "So, where were we? I was summoned, wasn't I? An Ood in the snow, calling to me. Well, I didn't exactly come straight here. Had a bit of fun, you know. Travelled about, did this and that, Kathy joined in at one point. Got into trouble. You know me. It was brilliant. I saw the Phosphorous Carousel of the Great Magellan Gestadt, saved a planet from the Red Carnivorous Maw, named a galaxy Alison. Got married. That was a mistake. Good Queen Bess. And let me tell you, her nickname is no longer."

"Uuugghh," Kathy grumbles, screwing up her face.

"Ahem. Anyway, what do you want?" The Doctor quickly asks.

"You should not have delayed." Ood Sigma replies.

"The last time I was here you said my song would be ending soon, and I'm in no hurry for that." The Doctor argues.

"You will come with me," Sigma instructs.

"Hold on. Better lock the TARDIS." The Doctor points a remote key at the TARDIS. The door locks and the light flashes at it beeps. Kathy snorts. "See? Like a car. I locked it like a car. Like. It's funny. Kathy laughed. No? Little bit? Blimey, try to make an Ood laugh. Met an Ood yet Kathy?"

Kathy shakes her head. "Nope."

"Well, now you have." They walk along. "So how old are you now, Ood Sigma? Ah." Kathy and the Doctor see the Ood city. Kathy gazes at its beauty.

"Magnificent. Oh, come on, that is splendid." The Doctor compliments. "You've achieved all this in how long?"

"One hundred years."

The Doctor looks worried. "Then we've got a problem. Because all of this is way too fast. Not just the city, I mean your ability to call me. Reaching all the way back to the twenty first century. Something's accelerating your species way beyond normal."

"And the Mind of the Ood is troubled," Sigma explains.

"Why, what's happened?"

"Every night, Doctor, Kathy, every night we have bad dreams."

"Well, we can't have that," Kathy says.

——

The Ood Council sit in a circle in an ice cave. Kathy and the Doctor quietly enter as the Elder, one where the brain on the top of his head is exposed, talks, "Returning, returning, returning, it is slowly returning through the dark and the fire and the blood. Always returning, returning to this world. It is returning, and he is returning, and they are returning, but too late. Too late. Far too late. They have come."

"Sit with the Elder of the Ood and share the dreaming," Sigma instructs.

"So, right. Hallo." The Doctor awkwardly greets them as he and Kathy take their seats.

"Uh, yes, hello," Kathy adds, not wanting to be rude to a new species.

"You will join. You will join." All the Ood repeat. "You will join. You will join. You will join. You will join. You will join." The Doctor and Kathy link hands with the Ood and see the Master laughing.

"Bwahahahahahaha!" Kathy abruptly pulls away, she expected it but it still freaked her out and the Doctor looks shocked as he too pulls away.

"He comes to us every night. I think all the peoples of the universe dream of him now." The Elder tells them.

"That man is dead." The Doctor gives her a worried look which she's confused by. It's like something that happens in her own future is worrying for him.

"It's the Master," Kathy explains.

"There is yet more. Join us." The Elder says and the Doctor and Kathy take the hands of the Ood again. "Events are taking shape. So many years ago, and yet changing the now. There is a man so scared." There is the echo of the Master's laughter and a scene of Wilf, Donna's grandfather, sitting at his table looking frightened.

"Wilfred. Is he all right?" The Doctor questions. "What about Donna, is she safe?" Kathy is excited to meet Wilf but is sad that right now she can't meet Donna to not hurt her.

"You should not have delayed," the Elder answers, "for the lines of convergence are being drawn across the Earth. Even now, the king is in his Counting house." The Doctor and Kathy are given images of a man and his daughter being photographed.

The Doctor frowns. "I don't know who they are."

"Joshua Naismith and his daughter Abigail. Meddling far out of their depth." Kathy tells him.

"And there is another. The most lonely of all, lost and forgotten." A woman, whom Kathy recognises as Lucy Saxon, sits in a cage.

"The Master's wife." The Doctor confirms.

"We see so much, but understand little. The woman in the cage, who is she?" Sigma asks.

"She was. I-It wasn't her fault, she was. The Master, he's a Time Lord, like me. I can show you." The Doctor side eyes her again. Kathy gathers that she was also there in the year that never was and something happened with or to her.

The Doctor shows the Ood images from Last of the Time Lords. "The Master took the name of Saxon. He married a human, a woman called Lucy. And he corrupted her. She stood at his side while he conquered the Earth. I reversed everything he'd done so it never even happened, but Lucy Saxon remembered. I held him in my arms. I burnt his body. The Master is dead." Kathy is relieved to not see any particular spoilers about her in the images as she doesn't want to have that foreknowledge on her mind.

"And yet, you did not see." The Elder argues.

"What's that?"

"Bwahahahahahaha!" Echoes again as a woman picks up the Master's signet ring.

"Part of him survived. I have to go!" The Doctor tries to leave but Kathy and the Ood pull him back.

"But something more is happening, Doctor." The Elder continues. "The Master is part of a greater design because a shadow is falling over creation. Something vast is stirring in the dark." All the Ood gain red eyes. "The Ood have gained this power to see through time because time is bleeding. Shapes of things once lost are moving through the veil, and these events from years ago threaten to destroy this future, and the present, and the past."

"What do you mean?" The Doctor asks.

"This is what we have seen, Doctor. The darkness heralds only one thing."

"The end of time itself." All the Ood say. The Doctor and Kathy run outside and back to the TARDIS.

——

Kathy and the Doctor run out of the TARDIS to see the ruined shell of Broadfell Prison signalling they are too late like Kathy expected but she knows there are been an attempt to stop him. Kathy takes a moment to mourn the loss of Lucy.

"We need to find him!" The Doctor declares and turns to dart off but Kathy stops him.

"No, hold on! Before we do anything, there's something you're keeping from me." Kathy calls to him.

"It's nothing."

"Doctor!" Kathy snaps.

"Fine. You did say I could tell you. The Master had a child with an Apalapucian who then had a child with a human, which, well, um, resulted in you."

"What?!" Kathy screeches.

"Well, now that's done, let's find him!"

"Doctor you can't—" Kathy tries to say but the Doctor has already run off. She huffs, hikes up her dress, and runs after him.

——

A little later, the Doctor and Kathy stand on a small cliff in a derelict site. The Doctor sniffs deeply and Kathy looks at him funny but the Doctor simply gestures to her to do the same. She rolls her eyes and does so and actually detects a smell, one not too dissimilar to the Doctor, in the distance. The sound of metal clashing in a rhythm of four beats sounds. The Doctor and Kathy run through piles of girders on the dockside until they see the Master up against the skyline. Kathy swallows tightly at the sight of him. This man is actually her grandparent?

The Master does his Incredible Hulk impression then and leaps into the air. The Doctor and Kathy give chase. The Master waits for him on a pile of girders, and his skeleton briefly flashes.

"Please, let me help. You're burning up your own life force." The Doctor yells. They run again, and then Wilf appears in their way, with the rest of the Silver Cloak close behind.

"Oh, my gosh, Doctor, Kathy. You're a sight for sore eyes." Wilf exclaims.

"Out of my way!" The Doctor pushes him aside Kathy knows that the Master will be nowhere to be seen so she doesn't follow and stands by the group.

"Did we do it? Is that them?" One of them, Winston, asks.

Another, Oliver, answers, "Tall and thin, big brown coat with a shorter female with brown hair. Though you didn't mention that outfit, Wilf."

"Yes, they are! Oh, Kathy, you said if I tried hard, I'd find the two of you and I did!" Wilf says.

Kathy laughs awkwardly. "That's great Wilf though I haven't met you yet."

"Private Wilfred Mott at your service." Wilf salutes and Kathy nods with a smile.

"The Silver Cloak. It worked." Minnie cries joyfully. "Because Wilf phoned Netty, who phoned June, and her sister lives opposite Broadfell, and she saw the police box, and her neighbour saw this man and this woman heading east."

The Doctor turns to Wilf. "Wilfred?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you told them who we are? You promised me." The Doctor hisses.

"No, I just said you were a doctor and his friend, that's all." Wilf answers. "And might I say, sir, it is an honour to see you again." Wilf salutes. The Doctor salutes back.

"Oh, but you never said he was a looker, her too." Minnie remarks. "They're gorgeous. Take a photo." She hands a camera to Oliver.

"Not bad, eh? Me next." Oliver says.

"I'm Minnie. Minnie the Menace." The woman introduces herself. "It's a long time since I had a photo with a handsome man and woman." She stands next to them with her arms wrapped around them.

"Just get off him. Leave him alone, will you?" Wilf tries but everyone else joins in.

"Hush, you old misery. Come on, Doctor, Kathy. Give us a smile." Minnie stretches their cheeks to get them to smile. "That's it."

"Hold on. Did it flash?" Oliver asks after trying to take a picture.

"No, there's a blue light. Try again." Minnie tells him.

"I'm all fingers and thumbs."

"We're really kind of busy, you know." The Doctor tries to say.

"Oh, it won't take a tick. Keep smiling." Minnie says.

"Is that your hand?" Kathy can tell the moment Minnie squeezes his bum as the Doctor jumps, yelping, "Minnie?!"

"Good boy."

——

The group's minibus drops Kathy, the Doctor and Wilf off.

"Come on, then. Here we are, hurry up." Wilf calls as they get out and wave to the group. "Bye. You behave, bye." The minibus drives off with the rest of the Silver Cloak. As she stands on the street, Kathy knows she's probably drawing attention with her outfit but she honestly doesn't care.

"Over here, come on," Wilf says as they walk over to a café.

"What's so special about this place? We passed fifteen cafes on the way." The Doctor questions. Kathy knows why. Her eyes flicker about to see if she can see her.

"Yeah. Afternoon." Wilf greets the people passing instead of answering.

——

"Oh, we had some good times, didn't we though?" Wilf says as they sit at a table, him on the opposite side on his own. "I mean, all those ATMOS things, and planets in the sky, and me with that paint gun. Though Kathy probably hasn't done any of that." Kathy smiles and shakes her head. "I keep seeing things, Doctor. This face at night."

"Who are you?" The Doctor abruptly asks.

"I'm Wilfred Mott." Comes the confused answer.

"No." The Doctor disagrees. "People have waited hundreds of years to find me and then you manage it in a few hours."

"Well, I'm just lucky I suppose."

"Or the fact he lives in London, you've got to stop that," Kathy says to the Doctor.

The Doctor shakes his head. "No, we keep on meeting, Wilf. Over and over again like something's still connecting us."

"What's so important about me?" Wilf asks.

"Exactly. Why you?" The Doctor pauses before continuing. "I'm going to die."

"Well, so am I, one day." Wilf jokes.

"Don't you dare." The Doctor warns, his voice rough with emotion.

"All right, I'll try not to." Wilf lets out a slight chuckle.

"That's the spirit," Kathy adds.

"But I was told. He will knock four times. That was the prophecy. Knock four times, and then..." The Doctor's voice drifts off.

"Yeah, but I thought, when I saw you before, you said your people could change, like, your whole body," Wilf argues.

"I can still die. If I'm killed before regeneration, then I'm dead. Even then, even if I change, it feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away, and I'm dead." The Doctor says. Kathy looks down sombrely, he has a point. The Doctor notices Wilf looking elsewhere. "What?" The Doctor looks over his shoulder.

Kathy looks out the window and sees Donna outside in the street getting out of her car. Her eyes widen at the sight of the Donna Noble.

"I'm sorry, but I had to. Look, can't you make her better?" Wilf begs.

"Stop it." The Doctor hisses to him before looking back at Donna.

"No, but you're so clever," Wilf argues. "Can't you bring her memory back? Look, just go to her now. Go on, just run across the street. Go up and say hello."

"If she ever remembers us, her mind will burn, and she will die. Do you want that?" Kathy warns him, pleadingly.

They hear Donna speak to the traffic warden. "Don't you touch this car!" They chuckle.

"She's not changed." The Doctor says.

"I look forward to meeting her properly." Kathy grins.

"Oh, there he is." Wilf points out. A man meets Donna. "Shaun Temple. They're engaged. Getting married in the spring."

"Another wedding." The Doctor says.

"Yeah."

The Doctor frowns. "Hold on, she's not going to be called Noble-Temple? That sounds like a tourist spot."

"No, it's Temple-Noble." Kathy nods pleased.

"Right. Is she happy? Is he nice?" The Doctor asks.

"Yeah, he's sweet enough. He's a bit of a dreamer." Wilf answers. "Mind you, he's on minimum wage, she's earning tuppence, so all they can afford is a tiny little flat. And then sometimes I see this look on her face, like she's so sad, but she can't remember why." Kathy feels tears building up, she sniffs and looks away.

"She's got him." The Doctor points out.

"She's making do," Wilf says.

"Aren't we all?" Kathy wonders.

"Yeah, how about you, Doctor? Who have you got now other than Kathy?" Wilf questions.

"No one. Travelling alone until Kathy. I thought it was better. But I did some things. It went wrong. I need—" The Doctor starts crying.

"Oh, my word. I'm sorry." Wilf gasps. Kathy places her hand on the Doctor's arm.

"Merry Christmas." The Doctor says, recovering.

"Yeah, merry Christmas." Kathy mumbles.

"Yeah, and you." Wilf returns the greeting.

"Look at us." The Doctor lets out a watery chuckle.

"But don't you see? You know, you need her, Doctor." Wilf pleads. "I mean, look. Wouldn't she make you laugh again? Good old Donna?" Donna and Shaun drive away. "Eh?"

The Doctor and Kathy soon get up to leave. They need to find the Master.

——

They arrive at an abandoned warehouse. The Doctor tells Kathy to stand back as he approaches the Master. Kathy had noticed that the Doctor has been tense when faced with the idea of her and the Master being near one another.

The Doctor walks towards the Master, who fires bolts of energy at him from his hands. He misses and sets fires burning behind the Doctor. The third try hits the Doctor squarely in the chest, stopping him from moving forward. Finally, the energy stops and the Doctor falls to his knees. The Master catches him and then lets him fall to the ground.

"I had estates. Do you remember my father's land back home?" The Master speaks, sitting next to the Doctor who's on the floor. "Pastures of red grass, stretching far across the slopes of Mount Perdition. We used to run across those fields all day, calling up at the sky. Look at us now."

"All that eloquence. But how many people have you killed?" The Doctor retorts.

"I am so hungry." The Master replies.

"Your resurrection went wrong. That energy. Your body's ripped open. Now you're killing yourself." The Doctor explains.

"That human Christmas out there." The Master says almost slavering as he talks. "They eat so much. All that roasting meat, cakes and red wine. Hot, fat, blood, food. Pots, plates of meat, and flesh, and grease, and juice, and baking, burnt, sticky hot skin. Hot. It's so hot." Kathy grimaces at him.

"Stop it."

"Sliced. Sliced. Sliced."

"Stop it."

The Master doesn't listen. "It's mine. It's mine. It's mine to eat and eat and eat."

"What if I ask you for help?" The Doctor questions after he stops. "There's more at work tonight than you and me."

"Oh yeah? Where's that granddaughter of mine?" The Master asks. Kathy recoils back. The Doctor doesn't reply. The Master inhales and grins. "She's nearby."

"She's not your concern right now." The Doctor warns. "I've been told something is returning."

"And here I am." The Master proclaims.

"No, something more." The Doctor disagrees.

"But it hurts." The Master groans.

"I was told the end of time."

"But it hurts. Doctor, the noise." The Master groans louder. "The noise in my head, Doctor. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Stronger than ever before. Can't you hear it?"

"I'm sorry."

"Listen, listen, listen, listen. Every minute, every second, every beat of my hearts, there it is, calling to me. Please listen." The Master begs.

"I can't hear it." The Doctor replies.

"Listen." The Master mind melds with the Doctor. The Doctor hears the beats and pulls away.

"What?"

"But—"

"What!"

"I heard it. But there's no noise. There never has been. It's just your insanity. What is it? What's inside your head?" The Doctor gasps.

The Master cackles with relief. "It's real. It's real. It's real!" The Master flies off and the Doctor runs after him and Kathy follows. They run out into the derelict site. They stop when they find the Master standing still on a mound.

"All these years, you thought I was mad. King of the wasteland. But something is calling me, Doctor. What is it? What is it? What is it?" The Master demands. A bright light shines down on the Master, then two more illuminate the Doctor and Kathy. A pair of SAS types come down on ropes, grab the Master and inject him with something to knock him out. Kathy groans in annoyance at rich people putting their own priorities over the safety of others.

"Don't!" The Doctor cries. Others fire their guns at the Doctor and Kathy to make them stay back, and the Master is hoisted up into the helicopter. The Doctor and Kathy run anyway. "Let him go!" Something hits the Doctor and Kathy in the back and they fall down.

——

Kathy and the Doctor soon get on their feet and use the TARDIS to arrive outside the Nobles' home. The Doctor throws some rocks at a window causing Wilf to poke his head and then join them. As he walks over, Kathy remembers that he is carrying his gun.

"We lost him. We were unconscious." The Doctor tells Wilf as soon as they are close enough. "He's still on Earth, I can smell him, but he's too far away."

"Listen, you can't park there. What if Donna sees it?" Wilf hisses.

"You're the only one, Wilf." The Doctor continues. "The only connection I can think of and Kathy says you're important, it's the only hint she'll give me. You're involved, if I could work out how. Tell me, have you seen anything? I don't know. Anything strange, anything odd?"

"Well, there was a..."

"What? What is it? Tell me." The Doctor demands.

"Well, it was. No, it's nothing." Wilf dismisses.

"You can tell us, Wilf. Anything is important. Out of the blue maybe? Connected to you?" Kathy encourages.

"Well, Donna was a bit strange," Wilf admits. "She had a funny little moment, this morning, all because of that book."

"What book?" The Doctor asks.

Wilf walks inside and comes back with the book and a man Kathy recognises from the Ood vision and on Tv. "His name's Joshua Naismith." Wilf shows them the book.

"See? Told you." Kathy says to the Doctor. "He's the man the Ood showed us."

"By the what?"

"By the Ood." The Doctor replies.

"What's the Ood?"

"They're just the Ood," Kathy says. They really don't have time to explain.

"But it's all part of the convergence." The Doctor realises. "Maybe? It may be touching Donna's subconscious. Oh, she's still fighting for us, even now. The Doctor Donna."

"Dad, what are you up to?" Sylvia asks as she steps outside and freezes for a moment as she takes in who her dad is with. Kathy notes that she's literally meeting one of the many angry mothers. "You two. But. Get out of here."

"Merry Christmas." The Doctor says.

"Merry Christmas." Sylvia automatically says before continuing. "But she can't see you two. What if she remembers?"

"Mum, where are those tweezers?" Donna calls from inside. Kathy has to control her excitement at that voice.

"Go." Sylvia hisses.

"We're going," Kathy says. "Lovely meeting you, Sylvia." The Doctor follows her as she leaves.

"Meeting? Wha—"

"Yeah, me too," Wilf says, following.

"Oh no, you don't," Sylvia grumbles and follows the rest of them. "Dad, I'm warning you."

"Bye, see you later," Wilf calls.

"Stay right where you are," Sylvia yells.

"You can't come with me." The Doctor says to Wilf as he unlocks the TARDIS.

"You're not leaving me with her," Wilf replies, pointing to his daughter, who stands in front of the house looking angry.

"Wilf, that's your daughter!" Kathy exclaims though she's not really telling him off.

"Dad!"

"Fair enough." The Doctor says and the three of them step inside and the TARDIS dematerialising.

——

"Naismith. If I can track him down." The Doctor says as he and Kathy get to work on the controls. The Doctor pauses when Kathy pokes him and points at a bewildered Wilf. "Ah. Right. Yes. Bigger on the inside. Do you like it?"

"I thought it'd be cleaner," Wilf replies.

"Cleaner?!" The Doctor cries offended. "I could take you back home right now."

"Honestly, when will people stop disrespecting the TARDIS?" Kathy mutters. The TARDIS sounds like she'sgrumbling in agreement.

"Listen, Doctor, Kathy, if this is a time machine, that man you're chasing, why can't you just pop back to yesterday and catch him?" Wilf asks.

"I can't go back inside my own timeline. I have to stay relative to the Master within the causal nexus." The Doctor explains.

"Understand?" Kathy asks cheekily.

"Not a word." Wilf answers.

"That's the spirit."

"Welcome aboard." The Doctor shares a brief handshake with Wilf.

"Thank you."

——

The TARDIS materialises in the stable block and Kathy knows the Master smells it.

"We've moved. We've really moved!" Wilf exclaims as they step outside.

"You should stay here." The Doctor tells him.

"Not bloody likely."

"And don't swear. Hold on." The Doctor points the key at the TARDIS, which disappears. "Just a second out of sync. Don't want the Master finding the TARDIS. That's the last thing we need."

They slip onto the Mansion grounds, trying to find a way in as well as hiding from patrols.

"Down here," Kathy says and opens a small door in an archway with her sonic.

They scurry down to the basement. The voice of the female Vinvocci, Miss Addams, trails up to them, "The shatterthreads have harmonised, the friable links have densified and the multiple overshots have triplicated—"

"Nice Gate." The Doctor cuts her off as he sticks his head in.

"Hello. Sorry." Wilf pipes up from the other side. Kathy just waves her hand and smiles.

"Don't try calling security, or I'll tell them you're wearing a Shimmer." The Doctor says as he steps inside the room. "Because I reckon anyone wearing a Shimmer doesn't want the Shimmer to be noticed, or they wouldn't need a Shimmer in the first place."

"I'm sorry. What's a Shimmer?" Addams says the words oddly as if to show she has no idea what they are talking about.

The Doctor points his sonic screwdriver at her. "Shimmer." Adams turns green.

"Oh, my Lord. She's a cactus." Wilf exclaims.

"Miss Addams?"  The male Vinvocci, Mr Rossiter, calls.

"He's got it working, but what is it? What's working?" The Doctor questions as he darts between the machines.

"The device can restore the body forever. The Immortality Gate. It's what Joshua Naismith wants for his daughter." Kathy explains.

"That can't be what the Master wants."

"No, it isn't."

"What are you doing here?" Rossiter exclaims when he sees them.

Without turning around, the Doctor points the screwdriver at Rossiter. "Shimmer!" Rossiter turns green. "Now, tell me quickly, what's going on? The Master, Harold Saxon, Skeletor, whatever you're calling him, what's he doing up there?"

"I checked the readings. He's done good work. It's operational." Rossiter insists.

"Who are you, though? 'Cause I met someone like you. He was brilliant, but he was little and red." The Doctor questions.

"No, that's a Zocci." Addams retorts.

"We're not Zocci, we're Vinvocci. Completely different." Rossiter explains.

Kathy rolls her eyes. "Obviously."

Addams glares at her. "And the Gate is Vinvocci. We're a salvage team. We picked up the signal when the humans reactivated it. And as soon as it's working, we can transport it to the ship."

"But what does it do?" The Doctor asks.

"Well, it mends. It's as simple as that." Rossiter replies. "It's a medical device to repair the body. It makes people better."

"No, there's got to be more." The Doctor disagrees. "Every single warning says the Master's going to do something colossal."

"So that thing's like a sickbed, yes?" Wilf asks.

"More or less," Addams replies.

"Well, pardon me for asking, but why is it so big?"

"Oh, good question. Why's it so big?" The Doctor asks.

Addams lets out a chuckle in disbelief. "It doesn't just mend one person at a time."

"That would be ridiculous." Rossiter snorts.

"It mends whole planets. It transmits the medical template across the entire population." Kathy butts in. The Doctor runs out of the room and Kathy darts after him as they go through the corridors. She knows Wilf is following behind but further back.

——

They run into a room lit by a domed glass roof. The Naismiths, the Master in a straightjacket, scientists and security litter about around the Immortality Gate.

"Turn the Gate off right now!" The Doctor yells.

"Ah, my lovely granddaughter." The Master smirks. Kathy flinches at his tone.

"Please don't do this." She begs him.

"At arms." A man orders. The soldiers in the room aim their weapons at Kathy and the Doctor.

"No, no, no, no, no. Whatever you do, just don't let him near that device." The Doctor pleads.

"Oh, like that was ever going to happen." The Master scoffs and throws off the straitjacket and leaps over their heads on pillars of energy from his hands, into the Gate. "Homeless, was I? Destitute and dying? Well, look at me now."

"Deactivate it. All of you, turn the whole thing off!" The Doctor cries. But the humans around the room seem unable to concentrate and are shaking their heads. It had started. Kathy realises that while she's part human, she's not human enough to be affected.

"Bwahahahahahaha!"

"He's inside my head." Joshua Naismith complains.

"Get out of there!" The Doctor runs forward but the Master's blast of energy knocks him down.

"Doctor!" Kathy exclaims. She turns to the Master.

"Don't make me, Katherine." He warns.

"Doctor! Kathy!" Kathy turns to see Wilf entering the room and holding his head in his hands. "Doctor, Kathy, there's, there's this face."

"What is it? What can you see?" The Doctor questions him as he and Kathy huddle around Wilf.

"Well, it's him. I can see him."

"There's something wrong." The anchor woman says on the TV. "It seems to be affecting the President." The TV shows the President of the United States has his face in his hands.

The Doctor goes to the computer and tries to shut down the Gate. "I can't turn it off."

"He's locked it." Kathy points out.

"Of course, idiot." The Master retorts.

"Wilfred! Get inside. Get him out." The Doctor drags Wilf over to the glass cubicles. Kathy swallows tightly, remembering their significance. The Doctor enters one of a pair of glass sided cubicles, and Wilfred swaps places with a technician in the other. "Just need to filter the levels." The Doctor fiddles with the filters.

"Oh, I can see again! He's gone." Wilf tells them.

"Radiation shielding," Kathy explains.

"Now press the button. Let me out." The Doctor instructs.

"You what?"

"I can't get out until you press the button. That button there." Wilf does. Wilf's cubicle is now locked and the Doctor's is open.

"Fifty seconds and counting." The Master says.

"To what?"

"Oh, you're going to love this."

Wilf's phone rings. He pulls the revolver out of his pocket instead. "Hello? Oh, Gawd." He pulls out his phone. "Donna?" There's a response. "But wait a minute. I mean, what about you? Can't you see anything?" Wilf's phone beeps for a call waiting. "Not now, Winston." He picks up.

"What is it, hypnotism? Mind control. You're grafting your thoughts inside them, is that it?" The Doctor questions.

"Oh, that's way too easy. No, no, no. They're not going to think like me, they're going to become me." The Master mocks. "And, zero!"

A blast of energy moves out from the Master and the Gate and spreads across the entire planet. Everyone's face becomes blurred except for Donna and Wilf, and the Doctor and Kathy of course.

"You can't have." The Doctor gasps.

"What is it?" Wilf cries.

"Doctor? Kathy?" Wilf calls after a moment. "She's starting to remember."

Everyone's face resolves into the Master's.

"What is it? What have you done, you monster?" Wilf yells to the Master.

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you talking to me?" The Master in the gate asks.

"Or to me?" Joshua Naismith-Master asks.

"Or to me?" Abigail-Master asks.

"Or to me?" Asks the security man.

"Or to us?" The Master-guards ask.

"Breaking news." Kathy looks to see that the news anchor has also become the Master. "I'm everyone. And everyone in the world is me!"

"The human race was always your favourite, Doctor." The original Master says. "But now, there is no human race. There is only the Master race. Bwahahahahahaha!"

Kathy knows the worst is coming.

——

A/N: Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

bruh maybe its bc im a filthy filthy casual or something but seeing ppl on genshin subreddits and such say things like “rotation” is absolutely taking me out. like

to me - rotations is for games like ffxiv, like strictly hotbutton games with timed mechanics and stuff, you know. genshin to me is like. regular hack n slash rpg free open world like nier. of course, the action isnt as polished per say as platinum games’ hack n slash like nier (they did the action/combat systems i think while SE/yoko taro team did basically everything) or bayonetta or dmc. not. like. ffxiv....like....the amount of enemies and stuff and the huge variety of actions and freedom of movement in genshin is just. like. rotations????? ROTATIONS IN MY NON-800 MENUS OPEN IN ANOTHER SCREEN STIFF COMBAT RPG GAME THAT IS NOT A TRADITIONAL MMO???????? WHAT DO YO UMEAN GNESHIN HAS “ROTATIONS”“‘ ?????? BRUHHH

anyways im going to farm good artifacts for childe bc i think that, for silly meme reasons of being mr. worldwide strongest man in the world, i think that making my main DPS options childe, zhongli, and raiden shogun will be silly and fun and my childe built kinda sucks and i have to farm the kinda super un-fun dragonspire domain for the hydro attack/crit attack set ugh. at least the domain for Ei’s artifacts in inazuma is pretty fast and easy to grind, same with the tenacity of the milithe (bruh idk how to spell liyue’s military) and the archic petra domains. childe’s heart of hyrdo (+ pale flame set) or whatever is so. ugh.

peak of vindagnyr haters my beloved we’re suffering together in trying to make this dumb little russian man our main at least i can maybe bennett + diluc + sucrose/jean flame/melt those ice enemies or something idk uuugghh i should co-op with more childe mains more maybe they will know my pain

edit: oh yeah is anyone didnt know but like the genshin subreddits are so funny to me like so it seems that there was a bit of drama or something but the mods of the main genshin sub are genuinely trying to do better but its also hard bc genshin is such a normie popular waifu bait game but like on the main /genshin_impact sub over the summer or whatever anytime a fanart of the boys were posted in like swimsuit wear/no shirt stuff or literally just their normal clothing shirt and all it would get downvoted/reported to be removed or something but a ton of the female “waifu” characters in literal bikinis/”less modest”/”more skin showing” clothing would always get fanart reposted or them and a ton of updoots so like the genshin reddit community has like r/genshingays or genshin_gays or whatever  + (charactername)+main like r/xiaomain or r/bennettain and stuff so that us male character enjoyers can enjoy our husbandos/sons without getting flamed by a ton of neckbeard waifu fans whose fragile masculinity cant take seeing muscular shirtless male characters without throwing a hissy fit and all anwyays the r/childemains is friendly it seems and they have advice on artifact building thank you comrades! (artifact advice posts on the r/childemains sub)

Xxxxxx

MERMAIDS BABEEEEYYY~!!!!

@madelineireland gave me permission to color some lines of hers of our D&D group’s characters as mermaids from last year’s mermay as a little impromptu collab!! :0 may have gone a tad overboard with it tbh but hjkHDSKDHS THATS OK I QUITE LIKE HOW IT TURNED OUT!!! it was such a fun challenge and mAN I super freakin love how our two styles look together like uUUGGHH ITS SO GOOD BRO THANKS FOR LETTIN ME COLOR THIS!! 👌👌

drug

creative title ik

tbh i think this came out way longer than it should have, felt like i was just rambling on i couldnt help myself lmao

anyway, here’s an oum.asai stuffing fic i’ve been working on and off on since... october 2019. jesus christ. also this is my first time ever posting a fic online, meaning ive never had anyone read my stories before o.o so criticism is welcome! (and if its good enough i might post it on ao3)

Ouma learned an important lesson that day: never take unknown substances from Iruma’s lab. 

In hindsight, he really should have seen this coming. A lone piece of candy sitting on a desk should have looked more suspicious than it had. Still, Ouma had to fulfill his self-proclaimed duty of messing with Iruma’s stuff, popping the blue oval-shaped candy in his mouth and swallowing it without a second thought. 

Skipping cheerfully through the halls to find his next prank victim, Ouma licked his lips of the tasty raspberry flavor. If Iruma was such a great inventor, surely she could make a machine to generate a bunch of sweets for him to steal. His mind raced with the images of cakes and brownies, and his mouth slightly salivating at the thought. 

What the hell? 

Ouma stopped in his tracks. He had never thought about food so strongly before, what was with him today? Before he could dwell on it further, a searing pain tore through his stomach. Ouma doubled over onto his knees, clutching his middle and hissing in pain. Only one word ran through his head.

Hunger. 

Going long periods of time without food was nothing new to Ouma, due to his poor upbringing. He should be used to an empty stomach, but damn. This was on a whole new level. Giving in to his hunger, he made a beeline to the dining hall, praying that no one was there to see the Supreme Leader shaking like a leaf. 

Ouma hastily grabbed onto the chairs as he inched his way to the kitchen. If anyone were in the room, they’d describe Ouma’s gaze of the fridge as predatory. Ouma raised a shaky hand to the door handle and swung it open to reveal a smorgasbord of delicacies. 

Chicken, steak, pasta, pies, cakes, soup… Ouma had never seen so much food in one place!

Licking his lips to clean up the drool forming, Ouma grabbed a bunch of plastic containers of meat and pasta and shoved them into nearby microwaves. Of course, his stomach wasn’t willing to wait around for that. A roar from his belly forced him to swipe a strawberry shortcake from the fridge. Ouma plopped himself on the floor and ravenously dug in, scooping up handfuls and shoving them into his gaping maw. The Supreme Leader moaned in ecstasy, tasting the sugary sweet confection. 

Even if he wasn’t alone, he couldn’t muffle his absolute bliss. And within ten seconds flat, Ouma was already lifting the last glob of cake above his mouth, dropping it in and making it history with a single gulp. 

The microwaves dinged in unison to reveal the next courses. Under any normal circumstances, Ouma would be bouncing off the walls from a sugar high. Strangely, though, his mind only repeated one command to the rest of his body: eat. Eat, eat some more, and then eat some more after that. Even his stomach seemed to agree, despite the fact it was pushing against his uniform. 

Soon enough, the only noises that could be heard were gulping, slurping, munching, and moaning from a happy Ouma. His cheeks became perpetually bulged as he kept himself busy chewing on whatever he could get his hands on. 

“Mmmmph… ‘sho good…” he moaned through a mouthful of pasta, before sending it down with an audible gulp. The tightness of his uniform didn’t hit him until he felt a shirt button pop off, giving him a brief release from the pressure. The satisfying pop snapped Ouma out of his stupor, and when he looked down at himself…

Holy shit.

Was that beach ball-shaped thing his stomach? He curiously placed a hand on top, feeling the mass of food churn busily within him. The small, skinny leader never would have imagined himself with a bloated belly, and yet, it was oh so satisfying. His muscles lost their tension and Ouma allowed himself to relax into the sensation, rubbing his swollen tummy gingerly. It was only fitting for someone in his position to be treated to a feast - why didn’t he think of this earlier? 

He glanced over at the open fridge to see it almost empty. Like the light at the end of the tunnel, his greedy gaze settled on a large 2 liter bottle of Panta. Or, according to Ouma, the elixir of the gods. It took a bit of effort to turn his body sporting extra weight over to the bottle; but for Panta, any amount of pain was worth it. He slowly grabbed the bottle and unscrewed the cap, licking his lips eagerly. After a king-sized feast like this, it was only natural to wash it all down with his favorite drink. 

Bringing the bottle to his lips, he proceeded to chug the whole thing. His neck bobbed with the intake, and his belly was steadily expanding for the new content. More buttons began to pop off his shirt until his bare tummy was exposed for the world to see, in all its distended glory. 

Slowly but surely, the bottle’s contents were drained down the gluttonous leader’s gullet. As if to emphasize his triumph, he made sure he was as loud as possible with each swallow. 

Finally, he separated himself from the empty bottle and nonchalantly tossed it aside. Ouma breathed a heavy sigh of relief and lightly patted his belly. 

“Ooooof, that hit the spot.” 

Suddenly, his insides began to bubble and churn, his stomach gurgling in protest. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea… Ouma felt a pressure rise to his mouth, and he swiftly brought a hand to cover it, but he was powerless to stop what came out. 

“Huuuuuurrrrrp!” 

Ah, that was much better. He glanced down to see his stomach reaching his knees, and his bellybutton completely flat. Ouma remained on the floor in a daze, massaging his tummy to coax more belches out of it. Carefully, he eased himself to lay down on the floor, the movement causing a sharp hic! to escape. 

This was by far the best day he’d ever had at this crappy school. Surely no one needed to use the kitchen… 

“Screw ‘em,” he breathed. “It’s time for a nice nap…” 

Saihara waved goodbye to Kaito as he left the dorms. Looking at his Monopad, it seemed he still had some free time left. His thoughts immediately drifted to Ouma, wondering what the rambunctious little leader did in his spare time. He did mention having a tea party with me once, maybe now is a good time? Saihara thought. Seeing Ouma’s icon in the dining hall, perhaps the leader had the same thought?

Saihara quietly made his way into the dining hall, only to find it completely empty. Ouma couldn’t have known he was coming, where is he? His thought was broken when he heard what sounded like… snoring coming from the kitchen. Saihara could only raise an eyebrow. His detective instincts kicked in as he reached for the door handle. 

Nothing could prepare him for what he was about to witness.

The elusive Supreme Leader was sprawled out on his back, limbs spread out and hair an even bigger mess than usual. His soft snores broke the silence of the kitchen, his mouth agape with a variety of food smears surrounding it. Around his body were copious amounts of bones, crumbs, sauce, and plastic scattered around his slumbering form. By far the most striking sight, however, was his stomach. 

Saihara’s eyes widened as they spotted the round mass. The tip was a bright red, a stark contrast to Ouma’s pale skin. Saihara found himself stepping towards it, unable to resist the allure. He had no idea how appealing this sort of thing was, but seeing the malnourished boy so well-fed… it was truly beautiful. An unsteady hand reached out to caress the orb, and as soon as he made contact with it, he couldn’t help but rub a little. Ouma’s breath hitched slightly, before relaxing with a contented smile. The boy’s smile was always contagious to Saihara, and this was no different. 

He could only imagine what Ouma looked like gorging himself on hearty meals, Lord knows he deserved it. Saihara had to wonder why the boy would do this in the first place, though? The little leader never ate much around others, and Saihara certainly didn’t think he was the type to potentially expose himself like this. 

...Not that Saihara was complaining, though. 

Still, there were better places to nap than on the cold kitchen floor. In fear of making too much noise and waking up Ouma, Saihara opted to leave the mess and attempt to pick him up. “Attempt” being the keyword. The new weight attached to Ouma caused Saihara to grunt as he lifted the boy up in bridal-style. Kaito’s nightly training had definitely paid off. 

While walking back to the dorms, Saihara was treated to the noises of Ouma’s stomach as it busily churned with glurps and gurgles. Nobody was around, so… 

Saihara gave a quick peck to the boy’s belly. 

If Ouma woke up from that, Saihara would have dropped him in shock. But then, an even more terrifying thought crossed Saihara’s mind. What if Ouma was faking this whole thing? The boy would suddenly wake up and reveal a fake lump on top of his real stomach, and proceed to laugh at Saihara, calling him a freak. The very possibility made his heart sink. Ouma sure was dedicated to this prank, if it was one. 

Finally, Saihara reached the equally empty dorms. He made his way to Ouma’s door, and… didn’t open it. He felt as though he would betray Ouma’s trust by going into the boy’s room without permission. With how secretive the Supreme Leader was, access for his room felt like it had to be earned. And that’s just what Saihara was going to do. Turning around, he carried the boy to the other room. 

Saihara took extra care to lay the overstuffed boy onto the bed after closing the door behind them. He had no idea this sort of thing was appealing to him, but he wasn’t about to deny it. Seeing Ouma sleep so peacefully was making him tired, so he got dressed in his pajamas and laid down next to the boy.

Uuugghh….

Ouma sat up, rubbing his head with a groan. Why did he feel so… heavy? A quick glance at his midsection brought him out of his grogginess. His stomach was a doughy mound, peeking over his pants and out of the bottom of his shirt. He poked at it curiously and was met with a soft, jiggly texture. Ouma found himself blushing slightly. How the hell did he get like this? The last thing he could remember was eating a candy from Miu’s lab and- oh. Of course. That bitchlet probably drugged it.

Upon further inspection, his buttons on his jacket were completely absent. The leader’s blush only became deeper. Ouma took a moment to take in his surroundings. He was seated in a bed that was far too neat to be his, and this definitely wasn’t his dorm room. Oh, and Saihara-chan was asleep at his side. 

...Wait.

Ouma jumped back with a yelp, promptly waking Saihara up. The leader scrambled to pull his jacket over his tummy with little success, as a small part of it pooched out under. Sitting up, Saihara’s golden eyes darted to the concealed midsection, though it was no longer bloated like he had hoped. 

“Saihara-chan, how could you do this to me?! Wahhhhh!” the leader sobbed. This was his test to see if Saihara was behind his transformation, depending on how the detective reacted. 

Saihara faltered slightly, an expression of sympathy painted across his face. “I’m sorry Ouma-kun, I-I don’t have all the details, but I found you in the kitchen sleeping after your, um… lunch.” 

‘Lunch’ was definitely an understatement. Ouma wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow got a hold of everyone’s lunch, given how big he was now. From Saihara’s seemingly genuine response, he couldn’t discern any trace of a lie. The detective found the courage for an interrogation, as he finally broke away from staring at the lump.

“How did you manage to eat that much, Ouma-kun? There had to have been at least twenty containers open,” he pondered, bringing a hand to his chin. 

That was certainly the mystery. With his small stature, the leader didn’t have much of a capacity for food. Although, it was strange how big he still was even after a nap. Ouma had always been stick-thin due to his incredibly high metabolism, so why wasn’t it all digested by now? 

“I remember taking candy from that cum dumpster’s lab, and it made me so hungry! Like I could eat an entire horse! Maybe even two… Nishishishi!” 

The detective stared at him incredulously. “You took a candy. From Miu’s lab. Without knowing what it was.” 

Ouma shrugged. “I was bored. And I thought there was no way that whore would make something that’d kill me.” 

The smaller boy leaned back into the pillows, closing his eyes and resting his hands on his soft tummy. “Welp, at least I won’t have to eat dinner with you losers! I’m preeetty stuffed,” he sighed, giving his belly a light pat. 

Only one of them was relaxing, though. Saihara was shuddering at this weird feeling. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boy peacefully resting on his bed, and with an adorable belly to boot. Maybe since his eyes were closed, he could sneak a brief rub in…

“You can go ahead and touch, Saihara-chan. I won’t judge you too much!” 

Ouma cracked open one eye halfway, smirking knowingly at the beet-red detective. Saihara gulped and moved his shaky hand over to the overstuffed boy. So warm… so soft… Saihara wanted to give it another kiss, but he highly doubted Ouma returned his feelings. He was probably only letting him do this so he could expose him to the rest of the students afterwards. The little leader seemed to notice Saihara’s hesitation, propping himself up on his elbows to face the taller boy. 

“You should feel honored to be this close to the body of the Supreme Leader of evil! And as your leader, I command you to give me a nice belly rub. Come on, Shumai, don’t be shy!” 

Well, who could resist an invitation like that? 

Saihara began to knead his hands delicately to the protruding belly, applying more pressure to the boy’s sides. This caused Ouma to let out a small burp, taking both boys by surprise. Saihara found that he liked the sound… more than he’d like to admit. Thus, he started rubbing more forcefully. Normally Ouma would call him out for yet another gross kink, but relieving the excess air from his stomach was far more satisfying. 

The detective continued to pamper the leader until he looked over to his wall clock. It was already 5 p.m.? He was getting pretty hungry, though he hated to leave the smaller boy like this. 

“Ouma-kun, I’d like to go get dinner if that’s okay. You don’t have to come, and I can bring my food back here if you’d like.” 

The purple-haired boy stared up at him with an unreadable expression. Without missing a beat, his face formed into a devilish smile. 

“Ohhhh, I see. You wanna get me more food to eat, huh? You want an even bigger stomach to rub? You really are kinky, Shumai! Nishishishi!” he snickered, putting his arms behind his head. 

Saihara almost choked. “T-That’s not it at all! I have to eat too, you know!” The detective may find the boy endearing, but his propensity to make things more difficult could only be handled so much. 

Ouma sat up slowly, taking great care to not upset his still-bloated belly. “No worries, Saihara-chan, I was lying earlier. I’ll come with you! But first, I gotta change into a new uniform.” 

Clutching his stomach, Ouma made his way to his room. At that moment, a thought came to Saihara’s mind. Would there even be food left? The kitchen was restocked daily due to Monokuma and his children. How often did they check for food? By now, he was certain that someone had seen the mess Ouma made. Saihara would hate to see his crush get in trouble for depriving everyone of one of Kirumi’s delectable meals. 

The leader soon returned to Saihara’s room with a new uniform that... wasn’t doing much to hide his indulgence. Anyone could see the apparent bulge under his jacket, almost threatening to pop off another button. Saihara could tell his belt wasn’t as tight as before either. Before he could make a comment, Ouma quickly grasped his hand and pulled him towards the dining hall. 

The two quietly made their way to the dining hall, only to see the group of fellow Ultimates arguing near the kitchen. 

“I bet it was one of those degenerate males who stole our food.”

“Gonta not do it! Gentlemen never steal!”

“I bet it was the Monokubs!”

Saihara poked his head through the doorway, trying to hide Kokichi’s body from the others. 

“Shuichi! You’re just in time!” Akamatsu’s cheery voice called. “We could really use your detective skills right about now.” 

The students collectively turned around with relief washing over them, knowing their local detective could put them at ease. Ouma, on the other hand, was trying his best to hide his belly behind his arms. Unfortunately for him, it was a futile effort.

“Who needs a detective when you have the gorgeous girl genius! I’ve already found our food thief!” A certain blonde proclaimed, followed by her hearty laughter. Everyone turned to Ouma who, to Saihara’s amazement, kept his face completely straight. Before he could react, Iruma jabbed her finger into the leader’s sensitive belly, causing his mask to break and cringe in pain. 

“What the hell, Ouma! This is a new low, even for you!” Kaito’s voice boomed. 

Maki gave her signature death glare. “I could always cut him open as punishment.”

Saihara didn’t think it was possible, but Ouma’s face got even paler at her threat. He couldn’t keep quiet any longer. 

“Everyone,” he cleared his throat, “I know we’re all upset at Ouma-kun. And… I know he pranks us a lot, but it’s always in good fun. Maybe he just got carried away with how good Kirumi’s food was. Ouma-kun told me that he would make it up to you guys by cooking for you guys tomorrow. Right, Ouma-kun?” 

Ouma was speechless. His beloved Saihara-chan was definitely a bad liar, just as he suspected. But, the respect he gained from his peers could maybe make this work. So, just for the hell of it, he decided to comply. 

“Of course, Saihara-chan! I’m gonna make a 5-star meal on my first try! I might even put Tojo-chan out of the job… Nishishishi!” 

The Ultimates murmured among themselves, but Saihara wasn’t listening. Of course, he already decided he would help with the cooking. 

But… he’d make sure there were leftovers for Ouma. 

Lots of leftovers.

please don’t look under the read more i’m just testing

Can you imagine a world where we're all represented by a font? Huh, I wonder which one I would be? sees Arial Too straight. No! Not in that way! Just, straight, as in unexciting. sees Badaboom Too.. uh... Deadpool.... BROADWAY! Now that's the one! Now THAT'S the one! Hello Internet, welcome to GAME THEORY, where instead of putting a joke here I want to ask you a question. If your personality were represented by a font, what font would you be? Take a moment and put your font in the comments. I'm really curious to see what everyone has to say. Maybe find a couple new cool fonts to use. I'm getting bored with ol' Calibri 11. And with that out of the way, it's time to talk UNDERTALE. Now I don't think I've ever gotten this many requests to cover a game. Well, except for FNAF. And I suppose FNAF 2. OH and there was FNAF 3. Wait a minute, should I be worried about something here? Anyway, across the board on YouTube, Reddit, and Twitter, you all have wanted Undertale. And honestly, I'm glad you brought it to my attention. True loyal theorists will know that Earthbound is my favorite game of all time. So a self aware RPG in a similar style, WHOA MAN, it's like a gift from the indie gaming heavens. Undertale is a game where every character, from goat mom to grind fodder has a sympathetic design and a unique personality, motivations, goals, fears. Whether you're saving or slaughtering them, the game makes you feel something every time you enter an encounter. But to me, one character stood out amongst all the rest. SANS. A skeleton named after the font, Comic Sans, hence all the font references at the beginning of the episode. If you haven't played Undertale I'm sure that was a really weird opening. ANYWAYS, Sans is, well, there's a lot of mystery around this guy. And before we get into it, let me put up a very special spoiler warning: UNDERTALE is a game best experienced blind. So if you haven't played it, pause the video and come back after you've finished. I PROMISE YOU, I PROMISE you won't regret it. Alright, so everyone out of the pool and ready for the adult swim? Good. Because I'm feeling pretty determined to get to the bottom of Sans' mystery. So just to recap for those of you who haven't played the game and ignored the SPOILER WARNING, or just need a refresher, Sans is one of the two skeletal brothers who appears in the game. His partner is Papyrus, a loud, goofy trap lover also named after a font. But in the world of Undertale their origins are a big question mark. All you really know is what's given to us by a shopkeeper in Snowdin, who explains that Sans and Papyrus, quote, “just showed up one day and asserted themselves.” Weird, right? What's more is that, well, Papyrus is just kinda the goofy sidekick. Sans is much more complex. He likes fart jokes, but he's also incredibly powerful and deadly serious. Not only is his boss battle the hardest in the game, he's one of the only characters who has knowledge and power over space and time. He can take shortcuts around the world through ridiculous routes. Even is walking through walls. He also acknowledges that he's only one of infinite versions of himself, making self-aware commentary of the various timelines that you've played through in the game. He can even count the number of times he's killed you. He acts like an arbiter of this world, passing out judgements on the player's actions in the game, even explaining the secrets of EXP and LOVE, or EXECUTION POINTS and LEVELS OF VIOLENCE, just to clarify. In short, he just doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the world of monsters. But then, what, or who, is he? Well, the idea that he doesn't belong in underworld seems to be correct. The evidence seems to point the fact that he WAS, in fact, formerly a surface dweller. In the true pacifist ending of the game, as the group looks out onto the horizon, Papyrus asks Sans about the giant ball in the sky. Sans says, quote, “we call that the sun.”

This is important because A, the usage of the word WE, and knowledge of the sun shows that Sans has a kinship or knowledge with other humans, and B, that despite he and Papyrus both being skeletons, or, supposedly, brothers, and apparently appeared in underworld at the same time, they clearly-- uuuGGHH take two CLEARLY have two very different histories. Why would Papyrus not know the name of the sun but Sans would? We get further clues to Sans' origins as we hear him say multiple times he wants to "go home" or "go back." He says as much during his dinner date scene at the Mettaton hotel. He notices that the player wants to go home and says, quote, "i know the feeling." He then continues, "maybe sometimes it's better to take what's given to you." As though he ended up in the underworld by accident. AND in a genocide run during his boss fight he says, quote, "look, i gave up trying to go back a long time ago." End quote. And before you say he means going back to the surface world, that's clearly not the full story. His very next line of dialogue is, "and getting to the surface doesn't really appeal anymore either." Key word here, is EITHER. Yes, he seems to hail from the surface and wants to go back, but based on his dialogue he no longer considers it his home. It's as though the surface world he once knew is gone, as though he's from a different time. It's pretty intriguing. So we're left with a being that appeared out of nowhere, presumably from being from the human surface, but from a different time period, who seemingly has the power to teleport. That's a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. But here's where things get REALLY interesting. Sans has a hidden workshop that takes a fair amount of searching to find. You could say it takes a lot of DETERMINATION to unlock. Anyways, obligatory determination references aside, as you start to look for this easter egg Sans gives you a key to his room and says "it's time you learn the truth." After some searching you find the workshop which contains items that leave even more questions. A photo album featuring Sans and a bunch of smiling people you don't recognize, a badge, blueprints with illegible handwriting, and a broken machine hidden behind a curtain. In the latest update, one more detail was added. A handdrawn picture of 3 smiling faces with the words “don't forget.” so what does it all mean? Well a lot of Undertale theorists have been linking these details to a feature to a character named W.D Gaster. A ghostly character who never truly appears in the game. Honestly, covering him is a theory all unto itself, and probably one best saved for another day. Even still, none of the Gaster theories I've seen have been able to explain all the details. In particular, the photo album, and the badge. And that's what kept nagging me as I researched Undertale. A badge? That one in particular really stuck out to me. Why would such an oddly specific item to be hidden in the huge easter egg of a room? Something that supposedly reveals the truth about Sans? Badges just aren't important in Undertale. Then it hit me. What if this badge isn't from Undertale? What if this badge is from a completely different game? And was, in fact, the most important badge in the history of gaming? The Franklin badge. Now, for those of you wondering what I'm talking about, the Franklin badge is a pivotal item from the Mother series. You know, the one with Earthbound. Or, maybe you don't know that one either. Uh, you know, the one with Ness from Super Smash Bros? Yeah well, Ness is from Earthbound, and Earthbound is the second part in this larger Mother trilogy. Alright? Good. Anyway, the Franklin badge is a really important part of that series. It gets its start in the very first game and carries through the whole trilogy, saving your life multiple times in the process. It's SO important that nintendo has made it a staple item in the Smash Brothers series. So I asked myself; what if the badge in Sans' drawer was THAT EXACT badge?

Well first off, it made Undertale connected to my favorite game, thereby making it even COOLER, but that's still a pretty big logical leap. I needed more. Let me tell you, as I started looking, more and more pieces started to fit into place. At the end of Earthbound you're given a photo album, covering your adventures throughout the game. To me it's one of the best, most satisfying endings in gaming to look back on your journey in picture form. And what does Sans happen to have in his other drawer? A photo album with pictures of Sans with people you don't recognize. Of course you don't know them, they're not characters present in Undertale. And note the word that's used here, PEOPLE you don't recognize. Not underworld monsters. So that's 2 items oddly linked to the Mother series. But then, how do the blueprints and broken machine fit in? Well, in the final stretch of Earthbound, Ness and his 3 friends must travel to the past in order to have their final battle against the evil alien Giygas. To do that, Dr. Andonuts (remember him, by the way, he's going to be important later) with the help of the science geniuses Apple Kid and Mr. Saturn, create what's known as the Phase Distorter, a machine that allows people to travel through time and space. Except, it comes with a cost. It can't transport organic material. As a result, the young heroes must put their souls into robotic bodies to use the machine, and thus, save the world. I played this game back in 1997 and I'm not ashamed to admit that when I first saw this scene, I cried. It's DEVASTATING. Doctor Andonuts says goodbye to his son, these characters you've grown to love and care about are suddenly promising to sacrifice their lives. For all they know, there is no possibility of them being able to come back home. It's this incredibly dark departure in the final moments of what was otherwise a fun, quirky, and colorful RPG. So what does all of this have to do with Undertale? A LOT, actually. But the first thing you need to know is that Mr. Saturns are known for their, let's say, unique linguistic style. That would explain the illegible handwriting on the blueprints. And the machine? I think a broken Phase Distorter is behind that curtain. Now that may seem like a stretch, but it actually explains a lot. If Sans wound up in Undertale via Phase Distorter, it could provide a reason for why he's a skeleton. He used the machine as organic matter and suffered the consequences. Not killing him, but turning at least a part of him into a pile of bones. That could also explain why Sans has given up hope for going home. Remember the Phase Distorter is a time machine. By being in underworld, he's not only in a different place, but based on how he talks, he's also in a different time, with no hope of travelling back to the time he came from. But the crossovers between Earthbound and Undertale continue. When you speak to Apple Kid at the end of Earthbound, he's blown away by the astronomical odds of Ness overcoming Giygas, saying that he's going to continue studying the trait called courage, in order to harness its power. Seems awfully similar to the same experiments happening in Undertale around the trait of determination, no? Especially since so much has shown that Sans was a key player in those experiments. But I'm sure you also want physical evidence right? Well don't worry, because I have plenty. During one of the endings of Undertale, we see Undyne and Alphys hanging out on the beach on the surface world. A beach that bears a lot of similarities to the tropical resort location named Summers that you play through in Earthbound. In fact, the geographic layout of the surface bears some striking similarities to the world of Mother. When Undertale's crew of monsters are finally able to reach the surface and look out over the earth, they're met with a beautiful sunset falling across the landscape of a tall mountain, a large city, and a sandy area adjacent to water. Notice the sun's reflection to indicate water, and a lack of trees in this middle section here, hence the sand.

Well, in Earthbound you have the big city of Fourside, complete with skyscrapers, which you reach via a desert that just so happens to be adjacent to some water, and to the east, the mountain in Onett where a meteorite lands on Earth. I always called it Aw-nett. But if that's not clear enough for you, Mother 1, Earthbound Zero, Earthbound Beginnings, whatever you want to call it, it's had a lot of names, had a map laying out the same geographic landscape. A tall mountain to the east of a large city, separated by a desert, with all of it up against a coast. I don't know about you, but to me it seems like there's a definite connection between the world of Eagleland (Eagleland? Again, unclear how its pronounced.) between the world of Eagleland and the surface world of Undertale. But the strongest physical connection, one that definitely unites these two franchises, comes from none other than Papyrus himself. He wears a custom-made costume known as his “battle body”. But if you look really closely at the design on the armor, you'll notice some markings on the chest. Is it just a throwaway detail? Ohoh NO, that right there is an exact match to the ones that appear on the chests of Starmen, the most iconic enemy of Earthbound. And look at the way he stands! I always thought it was awkward until i saw the two characters side by side. Papyrus’ curved arm and hand is a DIRECT match to the curved arms of the Starmen in the Mother series! In short, we have some incredibly strong proof that the Earthbound universe is somehow connected to the Undertale world, which brings us back to our initial question, WHO IS SANS? Well, what if we took it one final step and said that Sans happened to be Ness from Earthbound? Sent through the Phase Distorter during a test of courage, carrying the Franklin badge and his photo album and his trusty backpack. Not only do all the items in the workshop suddenly fit, but so does Sans’ behavior. Remember, Sans can seemingly teleport. And Ness just happens to have the PSI ability to teleport. Now look the way Sans always stands, hands in his pockets, directly facing the camera. It's a very similar stance to how Ness is depicted standing in most marketing for the game. It even explains why Sans bleeds when you finally hit him. He is, or at least, WAS, a human. Oh and finally, Sans is only one letter removed from being an anagram of Ness. That's just a fun one. I thought it was worth mentioning. But if there was any doubt, we have to look no further than the creator's previous work. Toby Fox, the man behind Undertale, had previously worked on a Halloween hack for Earthbound. But this just wasn't a simple reskin. The Halloween hack tells the tale of Dr. Andonuts after the events of Earthbound. Remember, I pointed him out? He's the one who made the Phase Distorter. In Toby Fox’s version of the story, we see that after Giygas' defeat, the souls of the kids never return home. Instead, by going to the past to defeat Giygas, they create a new timeline that they're stuck in. As a result, Jeff never reunites with his father Dr. Andonuts. And Dr. Andonuts goes crazy with guilt, because HE’S the one responsible for creating the time machine, and extracting the souls of his son and his son's friends to send them back to what he assumes was their death. In his mind, he's killed 4 kids. And in Toby Fox's game, he's lost his mind trying to deal with that guilt. I'm telling you, this hack is DARK. that said, you see a lot of Undertale in this game. The appearance of Amalgamates, the first use of the awesome song Megalovania, the prototypes for Flowey? And the theme of having the choice to be nonviolent in an RPG, SPARING your enemies. But then why's all this matter to the theory? Well, remember, in Toby Fox's version of the story, the kids don't come back. They're stuck in the past, with no hopes of getting home. Just like Sans. And, in the hack, one character is oddly missing, with no explanation as to why. NESS. Presumably in this timeline his soul is in a different place than his 3 friends.

In short, Undertale is a continuation of Toby’s version of Earthbound, with Ness never being able to get home, adopting the name Sans, and accompanied by Papyrus, a former Starman, an alien force able to speak English and still equipped with his armor, and signature posture, but without any knowledge of earthly things... like the Sun. The pieces all just seem to fit. Now all we need is an appearance from Pokey/Porky and we’ve got ourselves a true sequel. But hey, that's just a theory. A GAME THEORY! THANKS FOR WATCHING!

Changing titles ~ Pt.3

A/N: Ugl, ne morm več na splošno. Moji možgani so bleh and I just wanna sleep. 

Xx

It didn't take long for the news to get out. (Y/n) Potter having a new boyfriend, someone actually worthy of her time. Because you were someone every boy wanted. You never believed it but everybody fell for your charm.

You didn't mind the other gossips that flew around. The one where you were under Imperius curse, another where you joined the Death Eaters and bare the Dark Mark...

" You're joking, right?" Chilli stared at you in disbelief. "Antonin Dolohov."

" You're acting like it's a bad thing." you smiled and continued to eat your toast you have been now eating for almost 20 minutes.

"It is a bad thing. Don't you hear rumors that fly around about this guy? "

"Exactly. Rumors." you looked at her, putting down your toast and putting your hair in a ponytail. "Anyways I'm stuffed so I better be going to Potions." you smiled and got up. "Another class of how great Regulus Black is." you rolled your eyes and started walking towards the dungeons.

But something was odd to Chilli. How could you be stuffed after not even finishing one toast? And through how many mood swings you go through in a day. She looked down the table, catching an eye on James and considering this one possibility....but no. She can't. You'll hate her.

Before you reached the doorknob you felt strong arms wrap around your stomach and pull you away.

He twirled you around and placed you against the stone wall, kissing you. " Imperius curse, huh?" he grinned and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"Apparently." you smiled. " You monster." you joked around and he chuckled.

"How come you still insist on this?" he asked, placing his hands on your hips and slowly swaying you with him.

" On what?"

"This." he leaned into a kiss, this time more aggressively and roughly as he did before.

"Hmm." you hummed as he pulled away. "Maybe because I don't give a single damn about them."

"HEY!" a voice shouted from the hall and both of you turned around to face an angry looking boy storming towards you.

Dolohov in front of you sighed and looked up at you. "This is sure gonna be fun, won't it love ?" he smiled before removing himself from you and stand his ground.

The boy stopped right in front of him, gripping his wand tightly and angrily. His hazel eyes were focused on one guy and one guy only. Antonin Dolohov and as his fingers kept clenching around his wand, his forehead seem to show long veins pop out.

Behind him, there was another boy. Hair just as black as your boyfriends but a bit more curly and his eyes bright, blue and definitely special.

He wasn't fixed on Dolohov. He was fixed on you and he was looking at you with something that resembled more of a disappointment than anger or sadness.

"Get your filthy hands off my sister." James growled as he continued to glare at Dolohov.

Your boyfriend, however, kept his cool. He didn't show any sign of irritation or fury. He was standing there with his hands together and his mouth curved in a smirk.

"James, what the hell are you doing?" you rolled your eyes, feeling annoyed by him already.

"What the hell are YOU doing!?" he shouted. "Snogging that piece of trash!"

"Ouch." Dolohov chuckled catching James attention again. "What are you going to do James? Jinx me, hex me, curse me..." he grinned, walking closer to him with an evil twinkle in his eye. "We both know you don't have what it takes to curse me, do you? Only weak wizards jinx and hex. Like they are afraid to show their power." his expression suddenly fell into something much more darker.

You felt something inside of you clench. The thought of Dolohov trying to hurt your older brother or Sirius...it didn't feel right but somehow with everything happening, you found yourself frozen on the spot.

" You can't duel me, Potter. You'll lose and oh what would happen when that Head Boy title is ripped away from you?" he goaded, making James' temper rise. " But you wouldn't do that, would you? No, no. You'd rather get your sister ripped from you instead...because there' nothing greater for a Gryffindor than having his pride." and with that Dolohov turned around and walked towards you. His hand placed itself on your chin and gently brushed against it. " See you later, darls." he winked before walking off.

And you stood there, not staring but glowering at your brother. He was there, standing with his hand around his wand, furious and looking where Dolohov disappeared.

Because Dolohov was right. James would rather see his sister be ripped from him than his Head Boy title.

"Really, (y/n)?" the boy behind him loomed at you. "To stoop so low."

" I wouldn't be the one talking, Black. " you replied harshly, making your way back to the Potions classroom. " I can't be lower than the people abandoning their families." you continued to keep your eye contact with him. His eyes flashed away for a moment, making you the opportunity to glance at your brother then walk into the classroom

---

“ You afraid little girl?” a sneer came from one of the Slytherins. His eyes glowing with fire while his mouth curved in a malicious smirk.

You turned your eyes to him and chuckled. “ I’m shaking.” you spoke sarcastically, leaning on to your boyfriend.

“ Couldn’t think of anything better to say than that?” Dolohov spoke as he kept watching at the lake.

Mulciber chuckled, pulling up his sleeve and showing you the Dark Mark. Your heart leaped for a moment but since you were a bit high on the new stuff, you managed to keep your cool. “ Doesn’t this scare you?”

And for some odd reason, you saw the mark and you felt like giggling. “ Really cool design. Who made it?” you took a hold of his forearm and the four boys and a girl laughed.

“ The Dark Lord, who.” Mulciber rolled his eyes and moved away.

“ You really don’t get scared, do you Potter?” Lestrange joined the conversation with Bellatrix under his arms.

“ Of?”

“ Anything.”

“ Life is too short to be spent in fear.” you hummed and let the sunlight shine on your face.

Bellatrix quickly got up from Lestrange’s hold and crawled up to you. “ So..:” she smiled wickedly, her teeth in perfect white color as her curly hair contrast to that. “ Would you get the Dark Mark? Follow the Dark Lord?”

You opened your eyes lazily, seeing four dark eyes instead of two. “ Uhmm...no.” you managed to get out and close your eyes again.

Dolohov chuckled and let his hand find your forearm. “ Shame. I’d look sexy on you.” he whispered in your ear, loud enough for everybody to hear while he caressed your forearm with his thumb. “ Very shame indeed.”

“ Yeah well...” you moved your arm away from his hand and turned around so that you were facing him. “ I might be a bit high right now, but I’m not high enough to go to “the dark side” “ you made air quotes and kissed him on the lips, quickly getting on your feet. “ Anyways...I have to get be now going to get on my essay McGonagall.” you seemed to spit out words that made no sense. “ Gotta find my dorm.” you smiled and walked away with a military greet.

You were a bit confused. The new drugs he gave you made you dizzier than the old ones. It kept messing with your mind after the good feeling. You stopped at the spiral stairs and looked up. “ Bollocks.” you muttered under your breath as they kept spinning. “ Oh well. “ you shrugged and started climbing.

Somehow, you didn’t know how you managed to get to the portrait hole and what was worse, you couldn’t remember the password.

“ Password?” the Fat Lady asked proudly.

“ Uhm...” you let out and heard yourself giggle. “ Well, shite. I forgot.” you giggled again, your heart beating a bit faster as sudden joy entered your body. “ Can’t you just let me it. You know I’m a Gryffindor.”

She glared. “ Password.”

“ I don’t know. Grapes.” you spluttered out and found yourself giggling at it.

“ Are you making fun of me, girl?” she started to sound offended.

But before you could reply to her, the door swung open and the famous Head Boy jumped out.

“ Oh, JAMES!” you exclaimed, making your way to the portrait hole. “ Thank you, James.” you swung on your legs drunkenly and smiled at him like a complete idiot. “ James, James.” you continued to look at him as his eyes furrowed in your odd behavior. “ Well, goodbye, James.” you waved and climbed through the portrait hole. and found yourself in the common room.

But before you could turn to the girls' dormitories, James grabbed you by the arm and turned you around. “ What’s up with you?” his voice echoed in your ears and you just kept smiling at him.

“ Boop.” you tried to boop his nose but missed it by an inch, getting his cheek instead. You grabbed his cheek, widening your eyes as you saw it stretch wider and wider. “ WOW! “ you marveled as the colors started to mix around. “ I nEver knEw yOUr skin was so stretchy.”

He slapped your hand away and placed both of his hands on the side of your head, looking into your eyes. “ Are you high right now?!”

You giggled, putting your index finger up and focusing on his nose. “ Boo-” your finger made its way to his nose. “ -oop.”

He just stared. He couldn’t believe his younger sister was doing drugs. To be honest, he was in complete shock, speechless and had completely nothing to say to this.

“ Hey, Prooo-” Sirius beamed but dragged James’ nickname on his tongue as he saw him holding your head. “ -oongs?” he stopped in the middle of the stairs and stared. “ Whatchu two doing?”

“ I reckon I wanted to go up to my dorm.” you turned your head and moved from James hold and walking to Sirius. You stopped at the bottom of the stairs and gazed up at them again, seeing as they spun in the room. “ UUUGGHH.” you groaned and prepared to climb the stairs again.

You made your way up and bumping into Sirius. “ Oh, sorry.” you looked up and smiled. “ Oh, hey Sirius.” and you continued to climb.

He grabbed you by the wrist as well and turned you around. “ Are you high?” he looked into your eyes.

“ No.” you lied and felt the giggling feeling bubble up. “ Just...tired.”

“ Tired, huh? What color are my eyes then?”

“ Hah. Blue.” you smiled and tried to walk up the stairs again.

“ And my hair?” he asked, pulling you down again.

“ Black, like your surname. You have a birthday somewhere in October, you have a brother who is in my Potions class and you’re Animagnus is a big black dog, just like your personality.” you gave him a fake smile before trying to go up again.

“ Alright, How many brothers do you see down there?” he pointed his finger at James who only looked at you with this weird look on his face. A look you haven’t ever seen on James before. Almost as he cared.

You squinted your eyes at him, looking at James and feeling the effect of the drugs suddenly wash off. You turned to look at Sirius, your smile now turned into a frown as your eyes focused on his. “ None. I don’t have a brother.” you spoke coldly before ripping your hand away from his grip and stomping up the stairs again. “ Don’t ever touch me again. Both of you.” you shouted before finally turning to the girl's dormitories and slamming the door shut.

Right Person, Wrong Number: Part 10

Fandom: Marvel (Wrong Number AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: After a break up with the love of your life, you move to New York City to pursue your dream of photography. There, you end up getting a text from an unknown number.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Bucky took you to his preferred pizza place, Rita’s. Rita herself greeted Bucky with a smile and kisses on his cheek, “Mama Rita, this is Y/N. Y/N meet Mama Rita.” the older Italian woman immediately engulfed her in your arms and pressed two kisses on each cheek. 

Bucky then ordered his usual and guided you to a table, “Sorry ‘bout her.”

You shook your head laughing, “No, it was fine! She’s lovely. Just unexpected is all.”

He nodded, twiddling his thumbs, “So, uh, I honestly don’t know what to say. I mean, we’ve been talking for some time now and I like to think I know a lot about you, it’s just-”

“It’s weird, right? Seeing each other in person like this?”

He agreed, “Yeah, but it’s thrilling? If that makes sense, I mean, you’re...so beautiful.”

You hid behind your hands, your cheeks heating up, “Uuugghh!”

Bucky’s face crinkled as he laughed, “Aw, c’mon, doll. Lemme see that beautiful face,” he took your hand, pulling it away. You looked at him all cute and shy, “There’s my girl,” he murmured.

“You’re so charming, it makes me mad!” you say teasingly.

He laughed, “Why?”

“You’re handsome, funny, and charming. It’s unfair!”

“You think I’m handsome, huh?” he asks teasingly leaning towards you across the table. 

You push him back, “You’re alright, I guess.” you tried to keep a straight face, but you failed. You ended up bursting into a giggle fit, unknowingly making Bucky’s heart soar. 

You two had spent hours at Rita’s, not that she minded. You didn’t even realize how late it was until Wanda texted you saying she was leaving work now.

“I didn’t go back to work!” you say in shock, “Why didn’t anyone call me?”

“Sam probably charmed your boss into lettin’ ya have the rest of the day off.”

“He’s a sneaky one, that Sam.”

“Don’t I know it, doll.” you two then fell into a comfortable silence. You stared at each other, taking in the sights before you. Bucky leaned forward, grabbing your hand and holding it in his, “I really enjoyed today and I really, really like you, Y/N. Think we can do this again?”

You nodded, “Is tomorrow night too soon?”

He chuckled, “I was thinking more of tomorrow morning, but that sounds good to me.”

“Tomorrow morning? Really, Bucky? I’m sure you’d get tired of me by then.”

He squeezed your hand, “I don’t think I will, Y/N.”

Moments later, Bucky paid and you two headed out to the cool night of New York. The city lit up and the honking of cars in traffic filled the air. Bucky grabbed your hand again, you happily accepting the warmth of his skin against yours, and you two walked towards the metro station.

As your hands swung between the both of you, Bucky spoke up, “So, do you see this really happening? Me and you?”

“Do you? I mean, I’m not some rich model or owner of a big company. I’m just some girl who loves photography and-”

“That’s just it. I don’t want you to be a model or owner of a big company, Y/N. I just want you.” 

The sound of genuinity in his voice made your insides melt. How is it possible for someone to be this perfect? “I really like you, Bucky, and I would like nothing more than to see where this relationship takes us.”

He let out a breath of relief, “Good. I mean, great! That’s-That’s great!” his fumbling made you laugh and his entire body relaxed. He loved hearing you laugh. To him, it was the equivalent to angels singing.

At some point, you stopped walking and that’s when Bucky realized you had reached the subway station. His body then sagged dejectedly, he really didn’t want this day to end. He was enjoying being in your presence, hearing your voice, and most of all, rolling his eyes to your silly and sarcastic comments. 

You noticed the sudden imaginary cloud form over Bucky’s head. You gently set your hand on his cheek, “Hey, don’t get all sad on me now. We got a second date tomorrow morning.”

Bucky tried to hide his smirk, “I thought you said tomorrow night?”

You shrugged, “I changed my mind. I really wanna see you again and as soon as possible.” you found yourself leaning up against Bucky, your hands resting on his chest.

Oh so naturally, his arms circled around you. This felt right, standing here in Bucky’s arms, looking into his beautiful blue eyes. This is what you’ve been missing out on for months and now you have it. You can’t imagine going on without this feeling. 

You tiptoed and Bucky leaned down so you could peck his cheek. A big smile made its way to his lips. You looked each other in the eyes again, and you both leaned in for a kiss. You’ve kissed people before but this? This was different. You could feel the connection between you two. The spark that you two had grew bigger, forming a flame, a red hot fire.

You pulled away before it became too much, “Woah.”

“I’ll say,” Bucky says with a smirk.

You cleared your throat, “I, uh, I should go now.” You began to descend the stairs, but Bucky spoke up.

“You know,” you turned around, “I could, uh, give you a ride home?”

Wanting to spend time with him just a little more before the day ended, you immediately nodded and ran back up to him. Your fingers automatically intertwining with his. 

Epilogue

RPWN Taglist:  @wishrains @learisa @lowkeysebby @moniquikiki@goodnightwife @yknott81 @sideeffectsofyou @benditlikegumby@ireallyneedcoolusername @sendingmyrevenge @sebsunshinestan@eyesofgoldenambers @joebob24 @theglowstickofdestiny @ambivalence-is-me@doctoranon@ediblemurderer @laheyakins @cucumberinmyass @funerals-with-cake@pop-princess08 @bxchanansbarnes @whitewolfbabylon @merlinlover@tranquility-or-chaos @thebunkerofatlas @wisestydia-15 @hellostarposts @x-marvel-superheroes-x @marveltrash99

Oh oh wanna hear a more detailed account of Wednesday's Allergic Reaction bc of Perfume (TM)

Well youre getting it anyway here goes

Ok. So my period? Hellish. Absolutely horrible. Cramps galore plus I get hella anemic and have nearly padsed out at school a few times. Luckily if you go to the office white as a ghost and shaking they let you go home without a problem.

I was also still feeling vomitty from whatever set me off like. Last tuesday or whatever. Last time I got sick ( got sick is my way of saying had a minor reaction that led to tiredness, stomach aches, and headaches. Pretty much constant for me ). The mask makes it kinda hard to breath sometimes and I really fucking had to piss so I was gunning it down the stairs like. Booking it bc i Had To Go and running with the vogmask when youre hella out of shape? Very bad. Not good. I was rly lightheaded.

The hallway outside the girls bathroom reeked of perfume. "It'll probably be fine in the bathroom" I thought. I held my breath amd walked in, still needing to piss, and then let out my breath thinking i was in the clear

I was wrong. So wrong

A deep breath to recover from running and holding my breath. Nothing but perfume smell. Through the mask. queue immediate coughing. So bad I had to run out of the bathroom and head to lunch right away. No bathroom break from me. Thank god I was on my period. Thank god my mom only buys heavy duty pads.

So now im in the councellors office where I eat, texting my mom to tell her about the perfume. Not eating bc 1) I was having a miiiiinor panic attack bc ya know. Perfume 2) I was monitoring my breathing as my throat started getting tight, and 3) i still kinda had to pee.

My mom calls me. I answer all sheepishly bc she was already mad at me for missing 5/10 allotted days for the first semester and im at school in a room that is always completely silent. Her voice was surprisingly loud and out of breath.

"So what are you gonna do?" She sounded angry.

"...try to make it through the day?" I was just saying what I thought she wanted to hear. I knew that there was like no chance of me surviving the day when the main hallway reeked of perfume.

"You sure? Are you okay? I'm running home so I could come get you" oh. She walks to work. She was jogging home to come get me.

"Oh? You sounded mad youre not mad?"

"No just worried. Go tell the office youre having an allergic reaction and need to go home"

"Okay"

She hangs up. I kinda ait there confused for a second before grabbing my stuff and going to talk to the office lady with her peanut fingers. I convinced her not to force me to call my mom right then bc she touches the phone and then i have to touch it and she always eats those fuckin cliff peanut butter bars so uuugghh nice.

I didn't bother grabbing my backpack and coat ( sobs bc my favorite coat is at school. Sobs more bc my copy of HMC is there too )because in order to get to my locker id have to walk through the Perfume Hallway again and I was having a hard enough time swallowing as is.

Office lady #2 asked if I needed an epipen. I said no bc you think im gonna get stabbed with adrenaline right there? In a glass office that overlooks the commons where half my peers are eating? Naw. It wasnt the worst reaction I had had either so I was chill as fuck. Just wanted to go home

Plus if I took an api I'd have to go to the ER and last time I went I was like 10 and the nurse told my mom that i qas faking for attention and then they put me on anxiety meds and I had my very first panic attack bc the school bus was vibrating. Haven't gone since. Have sat in the parking lot multiple times waiting out reactions juuuuust in case tho

Then I just kinda went home with my mom and pet my cat who seemed a bit worried bc he was being cuddly. At noon. Noon is playtime for him. Nap/cuddle time is from 2 to 5. We chilled. It was lit.

Then I slept from 10 pm (uber early for me) to 12:45 and then took a nap from 2 to 4 and now its midnight and I'm fuckin exhausted still lmao

Bioware is really killin' me. I was so excited for Andromeda and pleased with all the LIs but then Bam. Bioware gives me a trans character who is nothing like a real life transperson. Ryder: "What brings you to Andromeda?" Hainly: *reveals deadname to total stranger* UUUGGHH YOU DID SO WELL WITH KREM. DX I dunno why I'm ranting to you, I think it's just because I like your blog and your excitement for this game is on par with mine. You also seem cool so...meh?

Okay, I wasn’t going to go into this, but it’s still 20 minutes to go till the release, and I have some (potentially kind of unpleasant for some, but overall solemnly acknowledging and optimistic) thoughts about what you just said! (which, btw, I feel so flattered and honored that you’d turn to me with these thoughts! by all means, do keep them coming! :))

Yknow, you could say that I’m just rationalizing (and you’d be right, that’s sort of my way of dealing with disappointments and negative emotions- going into Clinical Academic Mode and analyzing the situation in as flat and objective a way as possible), but... I can’t help but think that maybe we on tumblr have gotten a bit... distanced from the current social environment of the video game industry. Which is, in general, vocally gross towards LGBTQ+ people. And women. And people of color. And generally anyone who doesn’t fill all of the criteria in “young, straight, white male”.

As sad as this situation is, it’s not entirely unexpected or... really that surprising at all. Which, don’t get me wrong, doesn’t mean I’m not as disappointed as everyone else. But I blame not BioWare as a whole, but the current social environment, EA, and specifically the Mass Effect team for Andromeda’s political shortcomings.

I mean, we’re talking about EA, a company that is known to play it “safe” and publish focus-tested games that are aimed generally at a presumed Straight Male Gamer™ audience like... basically anything published under EA Sports (and you could raise The Sims 4 as a counterexample, but tbh, I really don’t think that counts as the games don’t have a set plot, or set characters- it’s easy to be progressive when your dialogue is 100% gibberish), and the faction of Bioware that restricted us to Hetero Hell (with the exception of allowing exactly ONE full wlw romance with a literal alien) for five years and two games- the faction that is known to play their discussions of sex, gender, and sexuality much, much, much “”””safer”””” than the Dragon Age faction.

Guys. We can’t forget that compared to your average big budget game, even with all its problems, Andromeda is still on the progressive end of the spectrum. It’s a step in the right direction for the Mass Effect franchise, although way too small a step, and it really should have come before the Dragon Age team knocked it out of the ballpark and set the bar so high.

I think it would do us a lot of good in the long run to think of Andromeda not in the context of Dragon Age and Overwatch (which, for many of us, have definitely colored our expectations), but to the gaming industry’s standards at large. To the big franchises that have existed-, and retained popularity over the years. To your Witchers and your Assassin’s Creeds. To your big budget AAA publishers that restrict women to the back covers, and have trouble admitting that people who are not straight actually exist.

Which is pretty heartbreaking. It is undeniably regressive when compared to the most progressive of experiences available, which are the ones we as a community tend to pick up and praise the most. But that doesn’t mean that it's completely without its merits, and, being the obnoxious optimist that I am, I will definitely keep those in the forefront.

One thing is for sure, I won’t draw any kind of conclusion until I’ve played the whole game, and had time to digest it completely. For now, I’m just going to enjoy the ride with my space lesbian daughter. :)

So here’s whats happens on a daily basis in my brain

Monday: WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE? WHICH IDIOT MADE IT A LAW TO GO TO SCHOOL!?

Tuesday: UUUGGHH! why ME? Why the fuck? Just why the fuck?

Wednesday: *Friend shows me a Tumblr post. it reads “WTF is an acronym” without a period or question mark* Hmmmmmmm, that post pisses me off for whatever reason.

Thursday: Today is half decent. Its almost Friday and Friday is a good day.

Friday: Yay! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! it is the friday! I happy!

Saturday: *Initiates the rave_time.exe protocol*

Sunday: *Brain mentally kills itself*(if that makes any sense at all)

Repeat this process every week except for Wednesday, just put in a new meme each day.

Hojkl posted his story online in a fit of rage. How dare those uneducated ghiptas call him stupid! Hojkl has watched almost every teen, coming of age movie there was, from Mean Girls to Twilight to Camp Rock! Those were educational glimpses of life on Earth! Hopefully the fellow Earth enthusiasts on milkyway.jumt would understand! Hojkl thought it was a pretty decent story. It read:

"Moooom, I can't find my cellular device! And my boyfriend Mat is coming over after school." Britney said as she came downstairs. Her house was lavish with three floors and the walls were pink. Ever since her father died in a tragic plane accident, she and her mother dealt with their grief by turning the building into a girls only space. Maids came once a week to tidy up and occasionally give back rubs.

“Britney, you left your device on the table last night,” she gestured to the table near the sink. “Oh, thanks mom,” At 43, Britney’s mom was still beautiful. There was not a wrinkle on her skin or a grey hair in her head. Britney suspected part of that was due to Botox and hair colouring, but her personality was still the kind and charitable woman that gave birth to Britney 16 years ago. Britney had a bowl of cerial, some cow’s milk, and a half orange before going to the bus stop. It was still the beginning of school so the weather was not cold enough to wear a jacket yet. “Hey Brain.” Her neighbor and childhood friend, Brian, was also at the bus stop. They were the only young adult students living in the street area. Brian was a kind boy, if not a bit shy. He had pale skin and black hair and red moles. His real hair was also red but her mom said that he was going thru a phase. He wore skinny jeans and a band shirt for Connect 3, the most popular band for their age group. He had once tried wearing leather pants but he complained that they heated up to much and it was hard to walk around. They used to be great friends but now he didn’t talk a lot. It was probably because he was bullied in school. Britney wanted to do something but if she did then Ashley Racheal and the football team would also bully her.

The bus arrived and they got on. Britney put her stuff in her locker and went to class. They were having math and the problem on the board was a triangle with ABC at its edges. It said it was not drawn to scale but A = B and B >C>A. Britney, being a smart girl with good grades, raised her hand and easily solved it. Nine hours passes and it was lunch time. Britney got her lunch, homemade soup and a water bottle, and sat with her friends. They talked about boys and cosmetics when a loud crash was heard.

“Where’s my lunch money? Why don’t you get us some snacks?” Brian was being bullied again. His long black hair fell over his face. Britney couldn’t tell what he was saying to the football player but he got punched in the torso. Blood came out of his mouth and he began crying. Band kids gathered around and began playing. “What did I do to you?” He sang. The football team began dancing, throwing punchs and kicks. “What did I do to your crew? How did I become this mess? I don’t want this life.” He dodged the punching and kicking of the team while the band kids continued playing. Britney felt faint, her hand on her forehead. Did Brian really feel this way? All the time? How sad and horrible! She would sell her house and car if it meant that Brian would feel happiness.

Brian continued singing until the football team finally got a hit. He went down, curled on the floor. The band kids stopped playing and walked away, looking disappointed. The team made a circle and no one could see what was going on. But they could hear Brian’s anguished sobs.

“WHAT’S GOING ON IN HERE?” The teachers all suddenly burst in the food room. They saw the football team and a flash of black in between their legs. “NO, NOT AGAIN! BRIAN!” They broke the group and pulled Brian to standing. “Uuugghh.” He moaned. “TAKE HIM TO THE NURSE.” Mr Johnson yelled. His face was changing color to red. “ALL OF YOU ARE HAVING A ASSEMBLY ON BULLYING!” want to know what happens next? rate and I’ll write

Hojkl refreshed the page to see if anyone would rate Gmb Flins. To his surprise, on the tenth refresh, his story was rated Gzb Flins, the lowest rating possible. Who would do such as thing! This was a masterpiece and accurate depiction of Earth life, why else would the people of Earth make such stuff.

The person commented,”not real life dude. its a bunch of teen movies mashed together. lol. source: am human.” Hojkl snorted, blue colored gas coming out of his three breathing holes.

Hojkl typed back, “Like I’m going to fall for that one.” and refreshed the page twice. A reply came. It was a link to a site known for pictures. Hojkl gestured with a tail swish and the computer clicked the link for him.

It was of a human, with a pen floating next to her, holding a piece of paper. “I am Lurr from NASA, can confirm that is not accurate depiction of Earth life.”

Can you imagine a world where we’re all represented by a font? Huh, I wonder which one I would be? sees Arial Too straight. No! Not in that way! Just, straight, as in unexciting. sees Badaboom Too.. uh… Deadpool…. BROADWAY! Now that’s the one! Now THAT’S the one! Hello Internet, welcome to GAME THEORY, where instead of putting a joke here I want to ask you a question. If your personality were represented by a font, what font would you be? Take a moment and put your font in the comments. I’m really curious to see what everyone has to say. Maybe find a couple new cool fonts to use. I’m getting bored with ol’ Calibri 11. And with that out of the way, it’s time to talk UNDERTALE. Now I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this many requests to cover a game. Well, except for FNAF. And I suppose FNAF 2. OH and there was FNAF 3. Wait a minute, should I be worried about something here? Anyway, across the board on YouTube, Reddit, and Twitter, you all have wanted Undertale. And honestly, I’m glad you brought it to my attention. True loyal theorists will know that Earthbound is my favorite game of all time. So a self aware RPG in a similar style, WHOA MAN, it’s like a gift from the indie gaming heavens. Undertale is a game where every character, from goat mom to grind fodder has a sympathetic design and a unique personality, motivations, goals, fears. Whether you’re saving or slaughtering them, the game makes you feel something every time you enter an encounter. But to me, one character stood out amongst all the rest. SANS. A skeleton named after the font, Comic Sans, hence all the font references at the beginning of the episode. If you haven’t played Undertale I’m sure that was a really weird opening. ANYWAYS, Sans is, well, there’s a lot of mystery around this guy. And before we get into it, let me put up a very special spoiler warning: UNDERTALE is a game best experienced blind. So if you haven’t played it, pause the video and come back after you’ve finished. I PROMISE YOU, I PROMISE you won’t regret it. Alright, so everyone out of the pool and ready for the adult swim? Good. Because I’m feeling pretty determined to get to the bottom of Sans’ mystery. So just to recap for those of you who haven’t played the game and ignored the SPOILER WARNING, or just need a refresher, Sans is one of the two skeletal brothers who appears in the game. His partner is Papyrus, a loud, goofy trap lover also named after a font. But in the world of Undertale their origins are a big question mark. All you really know is what’s given to us by a shopkeeper in Snowdin, who explains that Sans and Papyrus, quote, “just showed up one day and asserted themselves.” Weird, right? What’s more is that, well, Papyrus is just kinda the goofy sidekick. Sans is much more complex. He likes fart jokes, but he’s also incredibly powerful and deadly serious. Not only is his boss battle the hardest in the game, he’s one of the only characters who has knowledge and power over space and time. He can take shortcuts around the world through ridiculous routes. Even is walking through walls. He also acknowledges that he’s only one of infinite versions of himself, making self-aware commentary of the various timelines that you’ve played through in the game. He can even count the number of times he’s killed you. He acts like an arbiter of this world, passing out judgements on the player’s actions in the game, even explaining the secrets of EXP and LOVE, or EXECUTION POINTS and LEVELS OF VIOLENCE, just to clarify. In short, he just doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the world of monsters. But then, what, or who, is he? Well, the idea that he doesn’t belong in underworld seems to be correct. The evidence seems to point the fact that he WAS, in fact, formerly a surface dweller. In the true pacifist ending of the game, as the group looks out onto the horizon, Papyrus asks Sans about the giant ball in the sky. Sans says, quote, “we call that the sun.” This is important because A, the usage of the word WE, and knowledge of the sun shows that Sans has a kinship or knowledge with other humans, and B, that despite he and Papyrus both being skeletons, or, supposedly, brothers, and apparently appeared in underworld at the same time, they clearly– uuuGGHH take two CLEARLY have two very different histories. Why would Papyrus not know the name of the sun but Sans would? We get further clues to Sans’ origins as we hear him say multiple times he wants to “go home” or “go back.” He says as much during his dinner date scene at the Mettaton hotel. He notices that the player wants to go home and says, quote, “i know the feeling.” He then continues, “maybe sometimes it’s better to take what’s given to you.” As though he ended up in the underworld by accident. AND in a genocide run during his boss fight he says, quote, “look, i gave up trying to go back a long time ago.” End quote. And before you say he means going back to the surface world, that’s clearly not the full story. His very next line of dialogue is, “and getting to the surface doesn’t really appeal anymore either.” Key word here, is EITHER. Yes, he seems to hail from the surface and wants to go back, but based on his dialogue he no longer considers it his home. It’s as though the surface world he once knew is gone, as though he’s from a different time. It’s pretty intriguing. So we’re left with a being that appeared out of nowhere, presumably from being from the human surface, but from a different time period, who seemingly has the power to teleport. That’s a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. But here’s where things get REALLY interesting. Sans has a hidden workshop that takes a fair amount of searching to find. You could say it takes a lot of DETERMINATION to unlock. Anyways, obligatory determination references aside, as you start to look for this easter egg Sans gives you a key to his room and says “it’s time you learn the truth.” After some searching you find the workshop which contains items that leave even more questions. A photo album featuring Sans and a bunch of smiling people you don’t recognize, a badge, blueprints with illegible handwriting, and a broken machine hidden behind a curtain. In the latest update, one more detail was added. A handdrawn picture of 3 smiling faces with the words “don’t forget.” so what does it all mean? Well a lot of Undertale theorists have been linking these details to a feature to a character named W.D Gaster. A ghostly character who never truly appears in the game. Honestly, covering him is a theory all unto itself, and probably one best saved for another day. Even still, none of the Gaster theories I’ve seen have been able to explain all the details. In particular, the photo album, and the badge. And that’s what kept nagging me as I researched Undertale. A badge? That one in particular really stuck out to me. Why would such an oddly specific item to be hidden in the huge easter egg of a room? Something that supposedly reveals the truth about Sans? Badges just aren’t important in Undertale. Then it hit me. What if this badge isn’t from Undertale? What if this badge is from a completely different game? And was, in fact, the most important badge in the history of gaming? The Franklin badge. Now, for those of you wondering what I’m talking about, the Franklin badge is a pivotal item from the Mother series. You know, the one with Earthbound. Or, maybe you don’t know that one either. Uh, you know, the one with Ness from Super Smash Bros? Yeah well, Ness is from Earthbound, and Earthbound is the second part in this larger Mother trilogy. Alright? Good. Anyway, the Franklin badge is a really important part of that series. It gets its start in the very first game and carries through the whole trilogy, saving your life multiple times in the process. It’s SO important that nintendo has made it a staple item in the Smash Brothers series. So I asked myself; what if the badge in Sans’ drawer was THAT EXACT badge? Well first off, it made Undertale connected to my favorite game, thereby making it even COOLER, but that’s still a pretty big logical leap. I needed more. Let me tell you, as I started looking, more and more pieces started to fit into place. At the end of Earthbound you’re given a photo album, covering your adventures throughout the game. To me it’s one of the best, most satisfying endings in gaming to look back on your journey in picture form. And what does Sans happen to have in his other drawer? A photo album with pictures of Sans with people you don’t recognize. Of course you don’t know them, they’re not characters present in Undertale. And note the word that’s used here, PEOPLE you don’t recognize. Not underworld monsters. So that’s 2 items oddly linked to the Mother series. But then, how do the blueprints and broken machine fit in? Well, in the final stretch of Earthbound, Ness and his 3 friends must travel to the past in order to have their final battle against the evil alien Giygas. To do that, Dr. Andonuts (remember him, by the way, he’s going to be important later) with the help of the science geniuses Apple Kid and Mr. Saturn, create what’s known as the Phase Distorter, a machine that allows people to travel through time and space. Except, it comes with a cost. It can’t transport organic material. As a result, the young heroes must put their souls into robotic bodies to use the machine, and thus, save the world. I played this game back in 1997 and I’m not ashamed to admit that when I first saw this scene, I cried. It’s DEVASTATING. Doctor Andonuts says goodbye to his son, these characters you’ve grown to love and care about are suddenly promising to sacrifice their lives. For all they know, there is no possibility of them being able to come back home. It’s this incredibly dark departure in the final moments of what was otherwise a fun, quirky, and colorful RPG. So what does all of this have to do with Undertale? A LOT, actually. But the first thing you need to know is that Mr. Saturns are known for their, let’s say, unique linguistic style. That would explain the illegible handwriting on the blueprints. And the machine? I think a broken Phase Distorter is behind that curtain. Now that may seem like a stretch, but it actually explains a lot. If Sans wound up in Undertale via Phase Distorter, it could provide a reason for why he’s a skeleton. He used the machine as organic matter and suffered the consequences. Not killing him, but turning at least a part of him into a pile of bones. That could also explain why Sans has given up hope for going home. Remember the Phase Distorter is a time machine. By being in underworld, he’s not only in a different place, but based on how he talks, he’s also in a different time, with no hope of travelling back to the time he came from. But the crossovers between Earthbound and Undertale continue. When you speak to Apple Kid at the end of Earthbound, he’s blown away by the astronomical odds of Ness overcoming Giygas, saying that he’s going to continue studying the trait called courage, in order to harness its power. Seems awfully similar to the same experiments happening in Undertale around the trait of determination, no? Especially since so much has shown that Sans was a key player in those experiments. But I’m sure you also want physical evidence right? Well don’t worry, because I have plenty. During one of the endings of Undertale, we see Undyne and Alphys hanging out on the beach on the surface world. A beach that bears a lot of similarities to the tropical resort location named Summers that you play through in Earthbound. In fact, the geographic layout of the surface bears some striking similarities to the world of Mother. When Undertale’s crew of monsters are finally able to reach the surface and look out over the earth, they’re met with a beautiful sunset falling across the landscape of a tall mountain, a large city, and a sandy area adjacent to water. Notice the sun’s reflection to indicate water, and a lack of trees in this middle section here, hence the sand. Well, in Earthbound you have the big city of Fourside, complete with skyscrapers, which you reach via a desert that just so happens to be adjacent to some water, and to the east, the mountain in Onett where a meteorite lands on Earth. I always called it Aw-nett. But if that’s not clear enough for you, Mother 1, Earthbound Zero, Earthbound Beginnings, whatever you want to call it, it’s had a lot of names, had a map laying out the same geographic landscape. A tall mountain to the east of a large city, separated by a desert, with all of it up against a coast. I don’t know about you, but to me it seems like there’s a definite connection between the world of Eagleland (Eagleland? Again, unclear how its pronounced.) between the world of Eagleland and the surface world of Undertale. But the strongest physical connection, one that definitely unites these two franchises, comes from none other than Papyrus himself. He wears a custom-made costume known as his “battle body”. But if you look really closely at the design on the armor, you’ll notice some markings on the chest. Is it just a throwaway detail? Ohoh NO, that right there is an exact match to the ones that appear on the chests of Starmen, the most iconic enemy of Earthbound. And look at the way he stands! I always thought it was awkward until i saw the two characters side by side. Papyrus’ curved arm and hand is a DIRECT match to the curved arms of the Starmen in the Mother series! In short, we have some incredibly strong proof that the Earthbound universe is somehow connected to the Undertale world, which brings us back to our initial question, WHO IS SANS? Well, what if we took it one final step and said that Sans happened to be Ness from Earthbound? Sent through the Phase Distorter during a test of courage, carrying the Franklin badge and his photo album and his trusty backpack. Not only do all the items in the workshop suddenly fit, but so does Sans’ behavior. Remember, Sans can seemingly teleport. And Ness just happens to have the PSI ability to teleport. Now look the way Sans always stands, hands in his pockets, directly facing the camera. It’s a very similar stance to how Ness is depicted standing in most marketing for the game. It even explains why Sans bleeds when you finally hit him. He is, or at least, WAS, a human. Oh and finally, Sans is only one letter removed from being an anagram of Ness. That’s just a fun one. I thought it was worth mentioning. But if there was any doubt, we have to look no further than the creator’s previous work. Toby Fox, the man behind Undertale, had previously worked on a Halloween hack for Earthbound. But this just wasn’t a simple reskin. The Halloween hack tells the tale of Dr. Andonuts after the events of Earthbound. Remember, I pointed him out? He’s the one who made the Phase Distorter. In Toby Fox’s version of the story, we see that after Giygas’ defeat, the souls of the kids never return home. Instead, by going to the past to defeat Giygas, they create a new timeline that they’re stuck in. As a result, Jeff never reunites with his father Dr. Andonuts. And Dr. Andonuts goes crazy with guilt, because HE’S the one responsible for creating the time machine, and extracting the souls of his son and his son’s friends to send them back to what he assumes was their death. In his mind, he’s killed 4 kids. And in Toby Fox’s game, he’s lost his mind trying to deal with that guilt. I’m telling you, this hack is DARK. that said, you see a lot of Undertale in this game. The appearance of Amalgamates, the first use of the awesome song Megalovania, the prototypes for Flowey? And the theme of having the choice to be nonviolent in an RPG, SPARING your enemies. But then why’s all this matter to the theory? Well, remember, in Toby Fox’s version of the story, the kids don’t come back. They’re stuck in the past, with no hopes of getting home. Just like Sans. And, in the hack, one character is oddly missing, with no explanation as to why. NESS. Presumably in this timeline his soul is in a different place than his 3 friends. Which brings us back to Undertale. 3 faces, with “don’t forget” written on it? It’s Ness, trying to remember his 3 friends. In short, Undertale is a continuation of Toby’s version of Earthbound, with Ness never being able to get home, adopting the name Sans, and accompanied by Papyrus, a former Starman, an alien force able to speak English and still equipped with his armor, and signature posture, but without any knowledge of earthly things… like the Sun. The pieces all just seem to fit. Now all we need is an appearance from Pokey/Porky and we’ve got ourselves a true sequel. But hey, that’s just a theory. A GAME THEORY! THANKS FOR WATCHING!