Alan Davies and Bill Bailey together is just genius

Jonathan Creek - "the Tailor's Dummy" (4x03)

The heart strings (chapter 1 )

Pairing: Aragorn x original female character (devon) 

Words: 2270

Summary: to be summarised later 

Warnings: violence, smut in later chapters, trigger warnings of abuse and flashbacks 

DON’T LIKE IT , DON’T READ IT!

authors notes: @my-marvel-musings​ my lazy arse has done it their have it i will regret it later but ah welll, i will go die in my hole of embrassement whilst leaving this in here 

Devon POV 

Devon’s hair was a light dusty brown blonde in colour as she wiped down the wooden surfaces of the tables in the prancing pony. The warm light of the roaring fire extruded heat as she watched all the locals come and go. There was far near the back of the tavern. The cloak that covered him only showed a pipe that was being smoked. Her eyes shifted onto him a few times as she carried on her cleaning of the tavern.

The locals were quieter than expected, she noticed as the Bree people were staring at the darkened cloaked figure. The groups of people’s whispers to whom she served drinks earlier that evening were all speaking in hushed voices. “That’s one of those ranger folk. I hear they’re dangerous.” The time slowly ticked past as the locals dissipated out of the tavern. The playing of music made its way out of the pub. She looked out at the bards playing in the rain. A drizzle had just started as she said goodbye to the last customers. 

The cloaked man was still at the back of the tavern. She kept an eye on him but did not think that unless he needed help, she was much for worrying on customers if they had a room in the tavern she was only here as a job to be a barkeep. Her mind drifted as she went to get her cloak, to cover her outfit as she walked home. Her dark coloured trousers were tight but gave her a slight show off to her curves. She never felt part of the family. 

Her sisters were tall and thin, whereas she was shorter than both her mother and sisters. She was always more of an ugly duckling. Her family life was not simple, nor was it going to be easy. Her boots were dragging from the mud that the track she took most days, the path was quiet, the rain was getting heavy as Devon wrapped her cloak around her body tighter as she curled into the tree line heavier. Her mind was flashing back to her childhood. 

“Hahahaha, come on, ugly, you will never catch me,” Ferne shouted as devon tripped back over in the mud. Her checkered dress made it hard to run in as she was barefoot, her shoes were stolen away from her by her sisters. Devon never liked dresses as a young girl. Her sisters often teased her about the dislike them. Her skin was covered in mud as her brown eyes squinted at two shapes in front of her. Their voices high pitched as they shrieked at her. “Haha, devon is chubby, and she can’t get up.” Ferne and Cecilia started running again as devon picked her self up off the floor. “I will get you one day,” she whispered as her eyes fluttered close. 

Devon looked up at the sky as she kept going down the track. Her hazel eyes brimmed with tears from the memory as she tucked her cloak over herself, wiping at her eyes before carrying on with her journey. Her body was slightly cold as her body got farther away from the Bree. Her eyes fluttered shut as she kept moving. Her clothing soaked through from the rain, her body started to shiver, the mud being too slippery for her footing to hold any longer.

The woods were more sheltered as devon slipped between the trees. Her hair was matted from her cloak being soaked as she walked amongst the large pine trees. The forest soon fell from her as she lay on the forest floor. Her legs curling up into a foetal position on the forest floor.

Aragorn pov 

The sound of brego’s hooves squelching in the mud as he pulled on the bay horse. The large pine trees over his head did give him little shelter as the rain lashed against his cloak. The female he followed quietly, staying behind her quite a bit of the way as he whispered in elvish to brego. Quiet mutterings as the footfall stopped. The woods opened up into a slight clearing as he dismounted, looping the reins over bregos head as he walked into the woods. 

The roots were slippery as he picked his way over them. His eyes settling on a body from the looks of it in the centre. The rain was getting heavier as he tied his beloved steed to a tree before creeping closer to the body. It was a female, her skin deathly pale from the cold as her clothes were soaked through to her skin. 

His first reaction was to pick her up, but he was not entirely sure how without startling the lady. His clothes were slightly wet as he picked the female up, unknown where she was from or going as he watched the woods. The leaf canopy swayed as he gripped at the unknown stranger, his face watching hers, seeing her relaxed features as he mutters to himself. “Nin mel.”

His eyes wandered over the strangers' facial features as he quietly walked brego following him as he grabbed the reins that he attached to a tree earlier. The body was still slightly breathing, letting him know that she was alive but only barely before hypothermia would get her. 

His eyes wandered over the features of her face. Her nose was slightly wonky, and her lips were large and easily kissable as he kept walking; the slow, steady pace made it easy to carry as he just watched his footing. The woods soon opened up to a clearing, the fire recently burned down, and his sleeping gear easily locatable as he placed her on a thick blanket just to give her some warmth as he placed another blanket on the top of her, usually did not have two blankets. Still, there was supposed to be a cold snap in the air as he watched the storm clouds clear on the horizon, as he made up a small fire of wood which he had rummaged around for earlier whilst setting up camp. 

The fire burned nicely as it provided a heat source for him, and this complete stranger he found in the woods. It was noticeable that she was either going home to the woods as he placed the mouthpiece for his pipe into his lips. His eyes watching as she slept, hoping the warmth of the fire would get her so much less pale than she looked when he found her. 

The rain started again as the smoke cloud from his pipe, his eyes continually watching the female as the rain poured down in the woodland clearing he had set as a camp. The fire kept up as the rain dampened it down slightly. 

Devon pov 

Her eyelashes fluttered open, the rain sheeting down as she propped herself up on her elbows, feeling dazed from only just waking up, her body marginally warmer as she watched the fire burn on the wet ground. Her body was somewhat warmer as she sat up, her hazel eyes scanning the silhouettes of a horse and a man—complete strangers as she watched him from a reasonably good vantage point. 

Her hair was messy as she tugged her fingers through her hair, the dirt cloaking her ends as it splayed over her back. The blanket on the ground damp as devon soon got up, her footsteps trying to sneakily move past as she looked for an exact opening in the trees for her escape. 

Devon’s clothes were still slightly wet as she got up onto her two legs, her body somewhat wobbly as she started walking towards a clear opening in the trees. A voice soon caught her attention as it spoke to her in a gruff tone. “What do you think you're doing leaving when you could have died, and there is no saying you still can’t die from the storm.” Her head soon turned around as she snarkily replied, “well, unlike some others, I still have to go home and get jobs done.” A light chuckle came out from the stranger’s voice. “If it is on my watch, I would not let you go home at all.” Devon looked straight at him, her voice not breaking at all as she monotony of her voice dropping slightly as she kept her eye on him. “Hmmmmm, and what does this mean you will do to me, stranger?” a deep chuckle came out of him as he got up from the tree stump that he was previously sat on before he spoke again, this time his tone rougher as his footsteps took steps towards her. “Anything I would do to keep you.” her voice hardened on the surface yet again as she toyed slightly with the cloaked stranger. “I challenge you to a game of riddles then, hope your brain is enough to match your brawn.” her face contorted into one that was not easily readable. She waited for his reply patience was never her strong point. As she was waiting for a reply from the stranger, her mind drifted back again. 

The smell of blood was noticeable as the house was a pigsty. The leftovers from last nights chaos were every time that devons mother and sisters decided to have a party. Devon's hair was loosely tied in a bun as she sighed at the mess. Devon was an okay child by any means; her outfit was ripped and not cared for as she heard the shrill voice of her mother. “Wretch, why is this not clean yet.” devon winced as her upper arm was still sore from the fall she had just yesterday. Her lack of healing knowledge tried to heal it the best she could as the blood dried on her skin. It was the same as it usually was. She was the unwanted child, her sister and parents ruled her choices, and maybe one day it would break her to do the worse, but that was not the day. 

Her stomach was open that night, the night where she did not know if she would live to see her day. 

Devon's eyes were glossed over slightly; her hand went down to the large wound, which had only just healed up 2 weeks ago. Her ears heard the strangers reply as he spoke back to her. “Deal, but you look like you have seen a ghost.” devons eyebrows knitted together as she said again. “I have seen nothing, but what do I expect for a stranger to know.” his voice was a calming influence slightly as he spoke again. “You go first, then little one.” devon stood, her eyes still knitted tightly together as she told her tine of voice unwavering as she challenged him. “At night, they come without being fetched. By day they are lost without being stolen. What are they?” he stayed quiet for a bit before answering her. “The stars” devon scowled slightly as she looked at him to give her a riddle. “It lies behind rocks and rills, and under mountains and hills. It cannot be seen or felt, nor even heard or smelt. What is it?” devon quirked her eyebrow before speaking again, this time slightly cocky as she opened her mouth. “The dark.” her face smiled somewhat as she watched the stranger. 

Aragorn POV 

The female made him curious, he wanted to steal her. The game of riddles was a curiosity he had been normal, but she was covering something up. He would soon find out that the girl challenging him underneath, she was obviously not a damsel in distress but his curiosity was telling him that she was being hurt in a certain way. He asked the girl. “Now little one what would you do if the wolf knew he could keep you forever.” the scoff that came out her mouth before he walked forward, his strides predatory as she stepped back. “I would run.” his chuckle that came out of his mouth was gruff almost rough and brooding as he spoke again. “Then I must catch you my little one.” he was soon wrong when she made a break for it, his legs much more able to catch up as he loped through the trees like a wolf was when their prey was fleeing. Her hair easy enough to follow as the predator and prey game soon would be stopped as the girl tripped over a tree root. He was one to take advantage as he watched her before pinning her so she could not get up. 

His body was above hers as she squirmed and wriggled around on the dirt. Her mouth hurling insults at him. “You bastard all I need to do is get home.” he soon chuckled as he watched her looking at him in disdain. His voice spoke again. “And you did not think I would not chase you down little one.” he was greeted with her fist hitting him in his chest. His eyes watching hers as he moved his face closer, his voice quiet and soothing as he watched her. “I am not here to hurt you please just let me help.” the female had a spirit like that of a wild horse not wanting to be tamed. “Just leave me alone please.” her eyes were glassy the tears in them not shed as he lowered his lips to kiss her, the woodland birds were singing their song as he lifted his lips off her. “Now why did we need to fight and why do you have to get home Dilthen er ?” 

“ok you’ve been trying to put on that eyeliner almost the entire bus ride and you’re strugglin, so i’ma help you out” can you please maybe do this as a malum au?

anon this is. genuinely this is four months late and i am so sorry for that NFKDJGMKGLJ but on the bright side i didn’t forget !!!!!! 

anyway i would like to add that this fic is sneakily (heavily) inspired by Influencer by littleficlets on ao3 yes i’ve talked about it a hundred times before no i will never stop anyway. please enjoy this silliness and keep in mind that when i started writing it it WAS pride month so it made a little bit more sense. just. pretend it’s still june. and like. that there’s no virus adfgjfkgjkgjdf

-

“You’re going to blind people,” Michael tells Luke as he dabs glitter on his cheekbones.

Luke frowns briefly at him before returning to his reflection. “You’re just jealous.”

“I’m serious. There are lights on you, like, for most of the show. You’re going to blind all of our fans.”

“With your beauty,” Ashton (un)helpfully contributes from his bunk, where he’s doing something that’s probably makeup, but Michael’s not sure. “And overall sexiness.”

“Thank you,” Luke says.

“No,” Michael says. “With your fucking glitter. We already know you’re gay, Luke.”

“It’s pride month,” Luke says, pouting. “I’ll be as gay as I want.”

Michael rolls his eyes. Like Luke needs to keep telegraphing that he likes guys. But if that’s how he wants to express himself, fine. He can glitter it up all he likes.

Michael doesn’t feel like he needs to go all out with the pride makeup, but Luke had kind of insisted that they do a pride makeup night at least one night of June, so here they all are, in various states of undress as the tour bus chugs along, and occupying every mirror or iPhone front-facing camera in a desperate attempt to put on makeup on a moving bus. It’s not easy.

On the bright side, Michael had had the foresight to do most of his own makeup before they hit the terrible roads. Now the bus keeps jerking, and every so often they’ll hear Ashton cry out “Ow! Fuck!” after the bus jolts one way or the other. His own fault for trying to do makeup in his bunk. Michael is pretty sure he’s trying to, like, save his look so he can stun Luke, but more power to him.

Luke will drool over him no matter what anyway, so it’s a pretty futile effort, but whatever.

Anyway, Michael’s more invested in what Calum is up to. Calum, sweet, beautiful Calum, who has been staring at his own reflection in his phone screen for about ten minutes, trying again and again to put on his eyeliner. They learned early on in the process of experimenting with makeup that you should do your eyeliner last, but thankfully Calum hadn’t heeded that warning, because whatever other makeup he might have put on would have been wiped away with Calum’s first failed attempt at eyeliner.

In the beginning it’s kind of hilarious, watching Calum struggle. Michael loves him — honest — but the sounds of increasing frustration as he keeps fucking up are hysterical. It doesn’t help that he looks kind of silly every time his hand jerks from a sudden bus movement that draws a long black line next to his eye. But now it’s going on ten, maybe twelve minutes, and at least Luke’s made progress with his glitter. Calum is still sitting there on the couch, looking more determined and fed up than ever, eyeliner pencil poised next to his face.

Michael takes pity. He’s not a monster.

“Hey,” he says, sitting next to Calum. 

“Not now,” Calum says.

“Don’t be rude,” Michael says. “Let me help you.”

“Absolutely not.” Calum briefly lifts his eyes from his phone screen to glare at Michael. “You’ll just draw a dick on my face.”

“Well, that can’t look worse than what you’ve got going on.”

Calum turns the glare up.

“I’m joking,” Michael says. “Look, you’ve already got raccoon eyes from all your failed attempts. Let me just do it for you. I’ve been doing eyeliner for, like, six years. I’m a pro.”

Calum gives him a skeptical look. “Your eyeliner in 2014 was awful.”

“Yeah, but I’ve improved,” Michael wheedles. “Please. I’m begging you. It’s agony watching you fail this much.”

“You love watching me fail,” Calum grumbles, but he drops his phone into his lap and caps the eyeliner pen, and Michael knows he’s gaining ground.

“Yeah, but I also love proving that I’m so much better at something than you are.” Michael holds out a hand. “Gimme.”

Calum looks cross, but he hands over the eyeliner pen. Victorious, Michael sets it aside and says, “Let me take off all this leftover smudgy stuff first,” and pulls a makeup wipe from the open pack between Calum’s knees. Calum sighs, as if Michael’s not doing him an immense favor, and looks up at the roof of the tour bus so Michael can get at the black smudges under his eyes. 

“Cute,” Michael says when he’s finished. Calum blinks a bunch and then looks at the makeup wipe, streaked in black. “Can I blow on your face?”

“Keep it PG!” Luke chides over his shoulder. Michael flips him off.

“Don’t blow on my face,” Calum says.

“The makeup wipe stuff needs to dry before I can put your eyeliner on.”

“So let it air dry.”

“That’ll take too long.”

“Patience is a virtue, Mikey.”

“You would know,” Michael says sagely. “You did try for almost fifteen minutes to put on this eyeliner, after all.”

If looks could kill, Michael would be a goner.

"I'm breaking up with you and suing for emotional damages," Calum says.

"You don't mean that," Michael says, leaning in to sweep a fluttering kiss on the tip of Calum's nose.

"Try me," Calum mutters.

Michael decides to let him be bitter for the moment, because priorities. "At least dry your face off."

Calum pulls his t-shirt over his face and wipes aggressively at it. "Good?"

Michael grins. "Aw, baby's learning to follow orders."

"Shut the fuck up."

"You love me," Michael says, and then, "Don't speak, you'll mess me up." Calum rolls his eyes. "And don't move or I'll stab your eye."

Calum huffs. Michael waits for him to still before leaning in with the eyeliner pencil. It's true he'd been pretty bad at eyeliner back in 2014, but Michael hadn't been lying when he'd said he's improved. That's mostly thanks to Lou teaching him the proper way to put it on, during the Where We Are Tour, but Michael has also practiced enough times to feel confident as he puts the pencil to Calum's face. It's also easier because it's not liquid eyeliner; that's a whole different boss battle.

Calum stays dutifully quiet as Michael works, breathing hot against Michael's wrist but saying nothing. Michael can't help but feel like this is weirdly intimate, which is strange since they've literally fucked, but somehow this feels deeper. The fact that Calum trusts him with a semi-sharp object near his face is pretty profound. Luke would never.

Finally, Michael pulls back, admiring his own handiwork. "Damn," he says. "You look hot."

Calum's lips pull into a smile, although he's obviously trying not to. "Thanks," he says. "I'll take it from here."

"You do kinda look hot," Luke puts in. Apparently he's finally finished his glitter and is now standing next to the couch. 

"Don't call Calum hot, I wanna see!" Ashton calls out.

"Then come out here, asshole!" 

"You come here!"

"Nope, sorry," Calum replies, grinning. "Just have to wait and see."

“I’m done anyway,” Ashton grumbles, and a moment later there’s a clattering noise. Ashton clumsily slips out of the bunk and straightens up, stretching his arms above his head. Michael’s pretty sure he hears something crack.

Luke whistles lowly. “Shit.”

Finally Ashton’s gaze lands on Luke, and he smiles bashfully. “You look good.”

“You look amazing for someone who did all of his makeup in an unlit bunk on a moving tour bus,” Luke returns, tripping over himself to pull Ashton into a kiss. Michael rolls his eyes. At least Ashton’s efforts have been rewarded. 

Michael, on the other hand. 

He brings his eyes back to Calum’s, still kind of floored by how good he looks with eyeliner, with the way it makes his eyes even more intense. “Are you gonna kiss me?”

“Not if you’re a little bitch about it,” Calum says, but he’s already leaning in, one hand warm against the back of Michael’s neck.

“Hey,” comes Ashton’s voice a moment later. “Let me see Calum.”

Michael breaks away irritably. “Can you not? We’re trying to make out here.”

“Hey, you do look hot,” Ashton tells Calum, ignoring Michael. Michael hits his leg. 

“Go away, asshole,” he says. “Leave us alone.”

Ashton grins. “Don’t worry, Mike, you look hot too.”

“I know that,” Michael says, although he takes the compliment to heart anyway, because he likes when people think he looks good, and he values Ashton’s opinion more than most.

(His own boyfriend excepted, obviously.)

“I need to finish doing my eyes anyway,” Calum says, giving Michael a quick kiss on the cheek. “Or you can do it, if you’re so inclined.”

“I am,” Michael decides. He smiles and reaches for the glittery eyeshadow pot balanced on Calum’s thigh. “You’re so pretty, you know.”

Calum blushes, deep red. “Stop it.”

“You’re absolutely gorgeous,” Michael says quietly, “with or without makeup. I’m the luckiest guy on the planet.”

Calum exhales, smiling as Michael reaches for his face. His eyes flutter shut and Michael sweeps the shiny eyeshadow over his eyelids. “Love you,” is all he says, and Michael smiles, too, because that’s really what he’d been getting at.

Danny and Criticism: An Essay/Rant?

Since I’m on desktop I can finally put this under a read more thank god and also jesus

it’s very long…and I didn’t edit it so some of it might not make any sense because I type too fast for my thoughts sometimes

I’ve been thinking about Danny, big surprise, and the way he executes criticism. Since I started watching Eddy, I’ve noticed that Danny rarely has an overt/expose criticism when he is talking about other creators, unlike Eddy and Drew.

Eddy and Drew usually criticize creators that are actively doing something ethically wrong. Their content is more essay-like and research-based than Danny’s; So, Eddy and Drew’s commentary is more satirical while Danny’s is more purely comedic. 

The thing is, Danny has been overtly critical in past videos and, for a while, it bothered me that he has backed away from it. It still does kind of bother me, to be honest, because he’s an intelligent dude who has some hot takes on important topics. I think now more than ever he could execute harsher criticism and keep it entertaining; “Bag Tho” is an excellent example of that and so was his criticism on the pedophile theory for Yummy on his second channel.

But it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to because I realized something the last time I was focusing on this issue; I’ve learned more from Danny about criticism and comedy than I have from Eddy and Drew. He has influenced the way I approach a text in more ways than any other comedian has (except maybe Bo Burnham…they’re tied). This doesn’t mean that Eddy and Drew don’t have influence over my critical thinking skills, but, for me, their content is the result of practiced critique; I don’t learn how to approach a text, but I learn about the text; it’s like discussing a subject with my peers instead of learning it from a professor; in college, both of those practices helped me learn and exercise my critical thinking so, in no way do I think this makes any of them superior to the others.

Danny’s main goal is to make people laugh; he’s said it in his main videos; he’s said it on podcasts; and he’s said it on his second channel, too. In his interview with Anthony Padilla he said that he treats his videos like stand-up. (I’d fucking love to see his live stand up. I’d give every cent in my savings account to see that.) Danny is a comedian, first and foremost, and YouTube is his platform. You could tell from his vine career just how hard he was trying to pursue comedy as a career, to be noticed as a comedian. He comes by it honestly and has said some of his vines weren’t funny and were just attempts at going viral. The dude is worried about his brand to a fault, imo, but he’s got talent and confidence to back it up. So, of course his content is going to reflect that more than Eddy’s or Drew’s. 

Eddy and Drew are also comedians who want to make people laugh but Eddy has said recently on the Gus & Eddy podcast that he wants his commentary to be about people who are actually doing something wrong instead of clowning on cringe content like Danny does. (Yes, he specifically listed Danny as an example. At first I was on the defense and felt like Eddy was kinda shaming Danny for not pursuing a more “noble” style of commentary. But, after calming down and listening to the episode again, I realized he was just saying that their content does different things which I totally agree with…still don’t agree that Danny “just clowns” on people but more on that later.) Eddy still wants his content to be funny, and still has commentary videos that don’t have an overt critical agenda, but you can tell that satirical comedy is a main motivator for him.

I feel like Drew is right in between Danny and Eddy on the criticism scale. He has his more comedic videos and he has his more serious ones. But, in my opinion, his serious videos are just a little bit better. It’s honestly hard to tell what the driving motivation behind his commentary is because he hasn’t fully spoken up about it, as far as I know, but I would say he leans more toward satirical comedy. 

Since I started studying comedy in college I’ve had a sort of thesis building in my head: humor is a comfortable way to approach uncomfortable things; it’s a way to battle cognitive dissonance. Laughing at something wrong is an effective way to sneakily change someone’s mind; ridicule and shame are powerful tools; that’s why I love satire. (I will also add since humor is amoral it can also be used negatively, but that does not mean we should jump to the conclusion that all ridicule/satire is naturally wrong.)

So what does that have to do with Danny’s style of commentary? Sure, he’s a comedian trying to make people laugh and sure he avoids addressing more serious topics, but he does provide important criticism even if it’s not in the same area as Drew or Eddy. In that interview with Anthony Padilla, Danny said he wants to prove that content on YouTube can be as good as traditional media. His goal isn’t to expose people for doing bad things, though he is still doing that but not as critically as the other two, but to show his audience how to be critical of popular media; a main criticism in his videos overall is about low-effort and formulaic content because that’s something he very clearly cares about. His goal isn’t to call out people for being toxic; it’s to call out their content for not being as good or well-though-out as it could be. The problem with low-effort content, especially from bigger creators, is that it’s there to make money and nothing else; it’s content that has no substance; it’s manipulative. Even content that has a high-production value needs to have substance, creativity, and originality. 

Danny pointed out in his “how i make a video” video that he doesn’t want to make fun people who are just inexperienced; he wants to make fun of people who know exactly what they’re doing and still don’t put in the effort to make their content good. 

Another one of his critiques, usually with Badads, is about dishonesty; his badads videos are mostly goofy but they all have the same criticism about their manipulative nature. In fact, his whole experiment with badads was about pointing out the manipulative tactics and valuing honesty (even if his honest ad didn’t get a higher CTR.)

I think his critiques are capable of teaching people to be more critical of the media they consume without making them feel like they’re wrong for enjoying it. 

Another thing I think Danny approaches well is misogyny. (Again, his badads videos are prime examples because so many ads sexualize women.) But the way he does it IS IMPORTANT and, in my opinion, a better method than other commentary channels. Returning to my theory about ridicule being an effective tool to sneakily change someone’s perspective, Danny isn’t overt about his criticisms toward misogyny. He doesn’t say shit like “sexism is bad and women are great and I worship women and blah blah blah” but he does ridicule misogyny often. His methods aren’t preachy or forceful but he does normalize the ridicule and shaming of misogynistic behavior. By laughing at the behavior and treating it like it’s outlandish and ridiculous he normalizes respect for women. This is why you will never see me saying some shit like “Danny drinks his respect women juice ohmygod he’s my heeerrrooo” because it’s not heroic behavior and he doesn’t fucking treat it that way. If we over-worship this stuff we set the bar hella low. It should not be seen as the highest possible standard for men; it should be seen as the normal standard for men. I definitely praise him for this approach, but not for just…acting like a dude should act. 

All that being said

Do I think his general audience walks away from his content with these criticisms in mind? From my experience in the fandom, and from just scrolling through the comments in his videos, I don’t think it effects everyone like it effects me. This is mostly fine because I don’t think his full intent is to get people to learn how to think critically about the content they consume; I firmly believe him when he says he mostly wants to make people laugh. But I’m hopeful that they are more critical of things even if they aren’t conscious of it.

The biggest I problem I have with Danny is that he avoids confrontation with his fans. As I said before, he’s a little too worried about his brand. I don’t think he’s as bad about it as some of his contemporaries, who have co-dependent relationships with their fans (which I distrust because I find that manipulative and dishonest); I hate when he feels like he has to do damage control with his stans on twitter (the Reddit AMA thing) but I don’t think he panders either. 

BUT what bothers me The Most is that he doesn’t make the point to call out fans who harass the creators he covers. He’s done it once or twice but I feel like all commentary YouTubers should make an effort to specify the difference between comedy/commentary/criticism and bullying/harassment. Most people swarm to commentary content because they want the drama, because they love to hate and, sadly, they think that harassment is justified even if a creator isn’t doing something horribly wrong. Hell, even if they’re doing something horribly wrong, they’re still getting undeserved attention and harassment. doesn’t. communicate. criticism. 

This is a reason why I’d wish he’d be more overt with this criticism because it doesn’t always translate…especially for his younger fans. 

What’s the point of all this? I guess I just wanted to get my inner-monologue about this out in the fresh air but I also wanted to point out that Danny’s content is still critical and it’s been effectively critical for me. He makes me appreciate comedy and criticism more but I still wish he’d be more overt about some things.

Kids’ TV Now (An Essay)

When it comes to the media, one of the hottest topics that has been prevalent for decades and still is prevalent as it has influence is what TV shows are ok for kids. As a storyteller, a cartoon fan and a new parent herself, I will be the first to admit that there is a lot of rubbish on TV aimed at kids.

However, I am not talking about the shows with violence and harsh content. I'm talking about the other kind of shows that are bad for kids. The ones that are so watered down that the quality of the storytelling drowns out and coddles the audience to the point of disrespecting the viewer's intellect. Kids at any age deserve good quality in what they consume and TV shouldn't be the exception because children are much more perceptive and much more observant than we realise. The shows they watch should be giving something to them not be a means of taking our money away from us and I say this because a lot of these shows that I see on Disney Jr. are just overglorified toy commercials. And many other TV shows like Peppa Pig are no better. Yes, the concept of cartoons sneakily trying to sell toys isn't new and as a child of the 80s, I can tell you which cartoons were guilty of doing that, but at least even they would tell a story properly. If you were to try watching G1 Transformers or 80s He-Man now, I guarantee that even as an adult, you will appreciate the storytelling and quality of the characters. I have watched the "Junior" TV shows now, I am not even a quarter impressed and I often feel like it is the same story being told again and again.

If that's not enough, I feel the way the characters act, talk and handle things are no good. There is a reason baby talking isn't advised anymore because it stunts or negatively impacts the way children learn to speak. What is wrong with characters speaking like normal people while using good grammar and giving the characters real names? For example, back in the day, Cookie Monster was the exception not the standard for naming character, but more on Sesame Street later. If baby talking and speaking funny is bad for kids, then we shouldn't have characters speaking that way especially not when they are supposed to be mature adults. Moreover, kids need to be shown that not everyone has our best interest at heart and not everyone is willing to change for the better in which case you have to protect yourself from those people. Yes, it is a part of the real world that isn't cheery or happy, but it is still important for kids to learn that as long as they are left with hope that they can rise above the dark parts of life and still find joy in life as well as learn to appreciate the value of goodness and doing the right thing, I think it's ok to make that part of their "intellectual diet". Another thing that is good for kids to see is that even good people have flaws and make bad decisions, and that is ok as long as they make up for their mistakes.

Also, kids' TV doesn't have to always be educational. Let kids have make believe to escape lessons and reality sometimes. Let kids practice escapism in the form of going to another world and getting lost in there for a short period of time. I mean, are adult shows always serious and informative? It is ok for kid's show to just be fun and just be there to make them laugh or use their imagination. Getting to play is a very precious thing for kids, so let them play while they still can. And for goodness sake, not every TV show needs to have the characters break out in song. That's annoying and at one point, it gets silly. And if you could believe it, I think sometimes even the kids agree. I say this as someone who recalls cartoons from the Disney Afternoon, Transformers, Jem and the Holograms, The Muppet Babies, the Ghost Busters (both The Real and the Filmation), the Hanna Barbara cartoons and Tom and Jerry. They didn't have singing and when they did, it was once in a while as a treat. Other than that, it was on with the show which is EXACTLY what it should have been.

Going back to Sesame Street, there is a reason it not only stood the test of time, but is still ongoing and is still an amazing show for kids. It is because it has and still is inclusive to all kinds of children in every way without becoming preachy, watered down or disrespecting the audience. Heck, at times, even it went into serious topics like divorce, incarceration, poverty and even death. For that, it will have my love and respect and the same could be said about the Disney animated movies.

Yes, I am all for protecting our children from content that may traumatise or scare them, but treating them like fools and always making everything about educating them isn't protecting. Plus, sooner or later, your child will see something that will scare them in which case, you have to be there to comfort them and remind them that none of it is real. And sometimes, that can happen even in the tamest of shows. Also, it is our own responsibility to teach our kids not to copy TV and not to believe everything we see on TV not the entertainment industry's. Monitor what your kid watches, set rules on what is allowed and if all else fails, watch TV with them as a family activity.

And most importantly of all, know when they've had enough TV because TV shouldn't be any child's only or favourite toy.

Can I get 14, 17, 18, 20 and 22 for Valtor if you're still doing the ask game? :)

I’m still playing! :)

Let’s see....

14. Ingrained Habits/Forces of Habit: So Valtor was raised by three witches, and these witches sort of... Went overboard with his ‘discipline’ growing up. 

He has an excellent sense of formal decorum, like when he formally challenges people to a fight or formally declares his intentions. (Not to say he can’t be sneaky, he was just raised to try and give the opponent a chance to stop him, otherwise, where’s the satisfaction?)

He also has to look immaculate and be immaculately dressed for the occasion. Lysslis, Darcy’s ancestor, was a master of deception and wanted him to always be able to blend in if he had too.

When he fails a mission, he mentally just beats himself up for it because of how the Ancestral Witches used to tear him down over failure. It just wasn’t tolerated. Ever.

Valtor tries to treat lesser soldiers under his command with respect (including minions). He may take amusement out of having a large following of zombie witches and mermonsters, but just as the Ancestral Witches taught him decorum, Lord Darkar taught him to respect those under him. (You don’t want them turning on you when you need them most.)

17. Regrets: He still beats himself up over failing to convince Griffin to stay and for letting her spell him while she escaped.

He really hates that he wasn’t there to watch Valkyrie grow up either, but he’d rather blame Griffin for it. (But deep down, he knows the truth.)

Teaming up with the Trix. Don’t get him wrong, he was grateful that they helped him escape Omega, but after finally being rid of the Ancestral Witches, he really didn’t want to help raise their teenage heirs. (Or have them do that awkward attempts at flirting with him... He feels like an older relative to them, not... Not like that.)

Not making absolutely sure he killed Marion and Oritel. He feels like he did, (with everything that was going on that day, he can’t be sure of anything, so maybe he did) but with no bodies, there’s no proof. He just feels like one of these days they’re going to pop up, alive, and come for him.

Letting the Ancestral Witches boss him around. Yes they were his mothers (the only parental figures he knew really), but he was stronger than them. It should have been the other way around.

18: Things They’ll Never Admit: He actually enjoys sword fighting more than a magic battle. There’s a rush to getting more physical with your enemy than what your magic could do. (And it evens the playing field a bit, making for a better challenge.)

He doesn’t necessarily like forcing minionship over people... His ego prefers it when people come to him willingly. (Let me be what you couldn’t be for yourself. Let me ‘help you’ so you can ‘help me’.)

Valtor can’t stand fighting with Faragonda. Her incessant ‘good will’ and fairy magic just makes him sick. (It was even worse during their Coven/Company of Light Days.)

He misses Griffin at his side. She was the only one really willing to argue with him and call him out on bullshit. It made things fun and far more entertaining. (Icy tries to argue, but the way she quickly backs down is... Disappointing.)

He knows that his childhood could be considered abusive. He knows that. But he’ll never admit to being a victim, and he’ll never admit that those Whisperian Crystals the Ancestral Witches constantly used to ‘keep him in line’ scared the hell out of him.

He’ll also never admit to needing reassurance and praise. He seldom received it while working/being raised under the Ancestral Witches, so he just sort of... Gets all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings when he does get praise and reassurance. (He’s also a little touch-starved, which is why he keeps himself so covered to prevent himself from getting distracted... But who needs to know that?)

20. What ifs/Alternate Timelines: Oh shit, here we go...

Valtor got to grow up with his actual parents and tried to stop the Ancestral Witches when they came to Obsidian looking for the Dark Dragon Fire. He did his best, but ultimately ended up retreating to find the Company of Light to retake his kingdom.

Valtor decides to run off with Griffin and her brother and after the war he works at the museum. (And is a favorite because damn his recall of historical events and his ability to tell stories is just unfounded elsewhere.)

In a no magic verse, where everyone is human, I can see him running a literal cult. But one that’s only sneakily sinister. Like it seems to ‘reform’ people who have been to prison and it seems to ‘heal’ those with mental health problems... But really he’s just slowly taking over their lives and branching out to more powerful people to take control of entire towns.

One where he did just completely kill off everyone from Domino and the Company just destroyed him instead of taking him in.

22. Major Influences in their Lives: This’ll be fun....

Obviously the Ancestral Witches: Belladonna, Lysslis, and Tharma were the most influential in his life. They raised him. Though they taught him a very skewed version of the world, and gave him their delusions of grandeur. 

Darkar and Valtor were like best friends and Darkar, because of his past as Argulus and who he used to be before the Ancestral Witches took control of Obsidian, taught Valtor his heritage as the Heir to Obsidian and a bit about how his power worked with the rage and negativity around them. (And this is where Valtor developed his skewed sense of humor...)

Salvador was Valtor’s partner in shenanigans. Both were impulsive and reckless during the Coven’s first few years in action (and Valtor’s first few years getting to do missions without his mothers’ supervision, which allowed him to forgo some of the planning portions). He got to learn to loosen up a little and have fun with some of the more... Active missions. (Messing with people and giving them the turn around is the best feeling.)

Griffin. She got him thinking more about what he wanted out of life instead of what the Ancestral Witches wanted. She got him to admit feelings and feel vulnerable on occasion. She showed him true partnership and how a relationship should work (with compromise and calling out bullshit). There’s a reason they worked so well together, a complementary set. 

Marion and Oritel. This can seem to be a little skewed, but these two made Valtor realize that he may not always be the most powerful person in the room. The royal couple from Domino/Sparx is the reason Valtor invested in making himself stronger and able to connect more to his powers, he couldn’t stand to be beaten.  

2019 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 2)

20.  FROZEN 2 – so, another year, then, and once again Disney doesn’t QUITE manage to net the animated feature top spot on my list, but it’s not for lack of trying – this long-awaited sequel to the studio’s runaway hit musical fantasy adventure is just what we’ve come to love from the House of Mouse, but more importantly it’s a most worthy sequel, easily on a par with the much beloved origin.  Not much of a surprise given the welcome return of all the key people, from directors Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee (who also once again wrote the screenplay) to composer Christophe Beck and songwriters Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez, as well as all the key players in the cast.  It’s business as usual in the kingdom of Arendelle, where all is seemingly peaceful and tranquil, but Queen Elsa (Idina Menzel) is restless, haunted by a distant voice that only she can hear, calling to her from a mysterious past she just can’t place … and then she accidentally awakens the four elemental spirits, sending her homeland into mystical turmoil, prompting her to embark on a desperate search for answers with her sister Princess Anna (Kristen Bell), ice harvester Kristoff (Jonathan Groff), his faithful reindeer companion Sven, and, of course, living snowman Olaf (Josh Gad). Their quest leads them into the Enchanted Forest of Northuldra, a neighbouring kingdom, ruled by simple, elemental magic, that has remained cut off from Arendelle for decades, where they discover dark, hidden truths about their own family’s past and must make peace with the spirits if they’re to save their home and their people.  So, typical Disney family fantasy fare, then, right? Well, Frozen 2 certainly dots all the Is and crosses all the Ts, but, like the original, this is no jaded blockbuster money spinner, packed with the same kind of resonant power, skilful inventiveness and pure, show-stopping WOW-factor as its predecessor, but more importantly this is a sequel that effectively carves out a fresh identity for itself, brilliantly taking the world and characters in interesting new directions to create something fresh, rewarding and worthwhile on its own merit.  The returning cast are all as strong as ever, Menzel and Bell in particular ably powering the story, while it’s nice to see both Groff and Gad getting something new to do with their own characters too, even nabbing their own major musical numbers; there’s also a welcome slew of fresh new faces to this world, particular Sterling K. Brown (This is Us, Black Panther, The Predator) as lost Anrendelle soldier Mattias and former Brat Pack star Martha Plimpton as Yelena, leader of the lost tribe of Northuldra. Once again this is Disney escapism at its very best, a heart-warming, soul-nourishing powerhouse of winning humour, emotional power and child-like wonder, but like the first film the biggest selling point is, of course, that KILLER soundtrack, with every song here a total hit, not one dud among them, and there are even ear-worms here to put Let It Go to shame – Into the Unknown was touted as the major hit, and it is impressive, but I was particularly affected by Groff’s unashamedly full-bore rendition of Lost in the Woods, a bona fide classic rock power ballad crafted in the fashion of REO Speedwagon, while the undeniable highlight for me is the unstoppable Show Yourself, with Menzel once again proving that her incredible voice is a natural force all in itself.  Altogether, then, this is an absolute feast for the eyes, the ears AND the soul, every inch the winner that its predecessor was and also EASILY one of Disney’s premier animated features for the decade.  So it’s quite the runner-up, then …

19.  ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD – since his explosion onto the scene twenty-seven years ago with his runaway smash debut Reservoir Dogs, Quentin Tarantino has become one of the most important filmmakers of his generation, a true master of the cinematic art form who consistently delivers moving picture masterpieces that thrill, entertain, challenge and amuse audiences worldwide … at least those who can stomach his love of unswerving violence, naughty talk and morally bankrupt antiheroes and despicably brutal villains who are often little more than a shade different from one another.  Time has moved on, though, and while he’s undoubtedly been one of the biggest influences on the way cinema has changed over the past quarter century, there are times now that it’s starting to feel like the scene is moving on in favour of younger, fresher blood with their own ideas.   I think Tarantino can sense this himself, because he recently made a powerful statement – after he’s made his tenth film, he plans to retire.  Given that OUATIH is his NINTH film, that deadline is already looming, and we unashamed FANS of his films are understandably aghast over this turn of events.  Thankfully he remains as uncompromisingly awesome a writer-director as ever, delivering another gold standard five-star flick which is also most definitely his most PERSONAL work to date, quite simply down to the fact that it’s a film ABOUT film.  Sure, it has a plot (of sorts, anyway), revolving around the slow decline of the career of former TV star Rick Dalton (Leonardo Dicaprio), who languishes in increasing anonymity in Hollywood circa 1969 as his former western hero image is being slowly eroded by an increasingly hacky workload guest-starring on various syndicated shows as a succession of punching-bag heavies for the hero to wale on, while his only real friend is his one-time stunt double, Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), a former WW2 hero with a decidedly tarnished reputation of his own; meanwhile new neighbours have moved in next door to further distract him – hot-as-shit young director Roman Polanski (Rafal Zawierucha), riding high on the success of Rosemary’s Baby, and his new wife Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie).  Certainly this all drives the film, along with real-life events involving one of the darkest crimes in modern American history, but a lot of the time the plot is largely coincidental – Quentin uses it as a springboard to wax lyrical about his very favourite subject and pay loving (if sometimes irreverently satirical) tribute to the very business he’s been indulging in with such great success since 1992.  Sure, it’s also about “Helter Skelter” and the long shadow cast by Charles Manson and his band of murderous misfits, but this is largely incidental, as we’re treated to long, entertaining interludes as we follow Rick on a shoot as the bad guy in the pilot for the Lancer TV series, visit the notorious Spahn Ranch with Cliff as he’s unwittingly drawn into the lion’s den of the deadly Manson Family, join Robbie’s Tate as she watches “herself” in The Wrecking Crew, and enjoy a brilliant montage in which we follow Rick’s adventures in Spaghetti westerns (and Eurospy cinema) after he’s offered a chance to change his flagging fortunes, before the film finally builds to a seemingly inevitable, fateful conclusion that Tarantino then, in sneakily OTT Inglourious Basterds style, mischievously turns on its head with a devilish game of “What If”.  The results are a thoroughly engrossing and endlessly entertaining romp through the seedier side of Hollywood and a brilliant warts-and-all examination of the craft’s inner workings that, interestingly, reveals as much about the Business today as it does about how it was way back in the Golden Age the film portrays, all while delivering bucket-loads of QT’s trademark cool, swagger, idiosyncratic genius and to-die-for dialogue and character-work, and, of course, a typically exceptional all-star cast firing on all cylinders. Dicaprio and Pitt are both spectacular (Brad is endearingly taciturn, playing it wonderfully close to the vest throughout, while Leo is simply ON FIRE, delivering a mercurial performance EASILY on a par with his work on Shutter Island and The Wolf of Wall Street – could this be good enough to snag him a second Oscar?), while Robbie consistently endears us to Tate as she EFFORTLESSLY brings the fallen star back to life, and there’s an incredible string of amazing supporting turns from established talent and up-and-comers alike, from Kurt Russell, Al Pacino and a very spiky Bruce Dern to Mike Moh (in a FLAWLESS take on Bruce Lee), Margaret Qualley, Austin Butler and in particular Julia Butters as precocious child star Trudi Fraser.  Packed with winning references, homages, pastiches and ingenious little in-jokes, handled with UTMOST respect for the true life subjects at all times and shot all the way through with his characteristic flair and quirky, deliciously dark sense of humour, this is cinema very much of the Old School, and EVERY INCH a Tarantino flick.  With only one more film to go the implied end of his career seems much too close, but if he delivers one more like this he’ll leave behind a legacy that ANY filmmaker would be proud of.

18.  CRAWL – summer 2019’s runner-up horror offering marks a rousing return to form for a genre talent who’s FINALLY delivered on the impressive promise of his early work – Alexandre Aja made a startling debut with Switchblade Romance, which led to his big break helming the cracking remake of slasher stalwart The Hills Have Eyes, but then he went SPECTACULARLY off the rails when he made the truly abysmal Piranha 3D, which I wholeheartedly regard as one of THE VERY WORST FILMS EVER MADE IN ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY. He took a big step back in the right direction with the admittedly flawed but ultimately enjoyable and evocative Horns (based on the novel by Stephen King’s son Joe Hill), but it’s with this stripped back, super-tight man-against-nature survival horror that the Aja of old has TRULY returned to us. IN SPADES.  Seriously, I personally think this is his best film to date – there’s no fat on it at all, going from a simple set-up STRAIGHT into a precision-crafted exercise in sustained tension that relentlessly grips right up to the end credits.  The film is largely just a two-hander – Maze Runner star Kaya Scodelario plays Haley Keller, a Florida college student and star swimmer who ventures into the heart of a Category 5 hurricane to make sure her estranged father, Dave (Saving Private Ryan’s Barry Pepper), is okay after he drops off the grid. Finding their old family home in a state of disrepair and slowly flooding, she does a last minute check of the crawl-space underneath, only to discover her father badly wounded and a couple of hungry alligators stalking the dark, cramped, claustrophobic confines. With the flood waters rising and communications cut off, Haley and Dave must use every reserve of strength, ingenuity and survival instinct to keep each other alive in the face of increasingly daunting odds … even with a premise this simple, there was plenty of potential for this to become an overblown, clunky mess in the wrong hands (a la Snakes On a Plane), so it’s a genuinely great thing that Aja really is back at the height of his powers, milking every fraught and suspenseful set-piece to its last drop of exquisite piano-wire tension and putting his actors through hell without a reprieve in sight.  Thankfully it’s not JUST about scares and atmosphere – there’s a genuinely strong family drama at the heart of the story that helps us invest in these two, Scodelario delivering a phenomenally complex performance as she peels back Haley’s layers, from stubborn pedant, through vulnerable child of divorce, to ironclad born survivor, while reconnecting with her emotionally raw, repentantly open father, played with genuine naked intensity in a career best turn from Pepper. Their chemistry is INCREDIBLY strong, making every scene a joy even as it works your nerves and tugs on your heartstrings, and as a result you DESPERATELY want to see them make it out in one piece.  Not that Aja makes it easy for them – the gators are an impressively palpable threat, proper scary beasties even if they are largely (admittedly impressively executed) digital effects, while the storm is almost a third character in itself, becoming as much of an elemental nemesis as its scaly co-stars.  Blessedly brief (just 87 minutes!) and with every second wrung out for maximum impact, this is survival horror at its most brutally, simplistically effective, a deliciously vicious, primal chill-ride that thoroughly rewards from start to finish.  Welcome back, Mr Aja.  We’ve missed you.

17.  SHAZAM! – there were actually THREE movies featuring Captain Marvel out in 2019, but this offering from the hit-and-miss DCEU cinematic franchise is a very different beast from his MCU-based namesake, and besides, THIS Cap long ago ditched said monicker for the far more catchy (albeit rather more oddball) title that graces Warner Bros’ last step back on the right track for their superhero Universe following the equally enjoyable Aquaman and franchise high-point Wonder Woman.  Although he’s never actually referred to in the film by this name, Shazam (Chuck’s Eugene Levy) is the magically-powered alternate persona bestowed upon wayward fifteen year-old foster kid Billy Batson (Andi Mack’s Asher Angel) by an ancient wizard (Djimon Hounsou) seeking one pure soul to battle Dr. Thaddeus Sivana (Mark Strong), a morally corrupt physicist who turns into a monstrous supervillain after becoming the vessel for the spiritual essences of the Seven Deadly Sins (yup, that thoroughly batshit setup is just the tip of the iceberg of bonkersness on offer in this movie).  Yes, this IS set in the DC Extended Universe, Shazam sharing his world with Superman, Batman, the Flash et al, and there are numerous references (both overt and sly) to this fact throughout (especially in the cheeky animated closing title sequence), but it’s never laboured, and the film largely exists in its own comfortably enclosed narrative bubble, allowing us to focus on Billy, his alter ego and in particular his clunky (but oh so much fun) bonding experiences with his new foster family, headed by former foster kid couple Victor and Rosa Vazquez (The Walking Dead’s Cooper Andrews and Marta Milans) – the most enjoyably portions of the film, however, are when Billy explores the mechanics and limits of his newfound superpowers with his new foster brother Freddy Freeman (It Chapter 1’s Jack Dylan Glazer), a consistently hilarious riot of bad behaviour, wanton (often accidental) destruction and perfectly-observed character development, the blissful culmination of a gleefully anarchic sense of humour that, until recently, has been rather lacking in the DCEU but which is writ large in bright, wacky primary colours right through this film. Sure, there are darker moments, particularly when Sivana sets loose his fantastic icky brood of semi-corporeal monsters, and these scenes are handled with seasoned skill by director David F. Sandberg, who cut his teeth on ingenious little horror gem Lights Out (following up with Annabelle: Creation, but we don’t have to dwell on that), but for the most part the film is played for laughs, thrills and pure, unadulterated FUN, almost never taking itself too seriously, essentially intended to do for the DCEU what Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man did for the MCU, and a huge part of its resounding success must of course be attributed to the universally willing cast. Eugene Levy’s so ridiculously pumped-up he almost looks like a special effect all on his own, but he’s lost none of his razor-sharp comic ability, perfectly encapsulating a teenage boy in a grown man’s body, while his chemistry with genuine little comedic dynamo Glazer is simply exquisite, a flawless balance shared with Angel, who similarly excels at the humour but also delivers quality goods in some far more serious moments too, while the rest of Billy’s newfound family are all brilliant, particularly ridiculously adorable newcomer Faithe Herman as precocious little motor-mouth Darla; Djimon Hounsou, meanwhile, adds significant class and gravitas to what could have been a cartoonish Gandalf spoof, and Mark Strong, as usual, gives great bad guy as Sivana, providing just the right amount of malevolent swagger and self-important smirk to proceedings without ever losing sight of the deeper darkness within.  All round, this is EXACTLY the kind of expertly crafted superhero package we’ve come to appreciate in the genre, another definite shot in the arm for the DCEU that holds great hope for the future of the franchise, and some of the biggest fun I had at the cinema this past year.  Granted, it’s still not a patch on the MCU, but the quality gap finally seems to be closing …

16.  ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL – y’know, there was a time when James Cameron was quite a prolific director, who could be counted upon to provide THE big event pic of the blockbuster season. These days, we’re lucky to hear from him once a decade, and now we don’t even seem to be getting that – the dream project Cameron’s been trying to make since the end of the 90s, a big live action adaptation of one of my favourite mangas of all time, Gunnm (or Battle Angel Alita to use its more well-known sobriquet) by Yukito Kishiro, has FINALLY arrived, but it isn’t the big man behind the camera here since he’s still messing around with his intended FIVE MOVIE Avatar arc.  That said, he made a damn good choice of proxy to bring his vision to fruition – Robert Rodriguez is, of course, a fellow master of action cinema, albeit one with a much more quirky style, and this adap is child’s play to him, the creator of the El Mariachi trilogy and co-director of Frank Miller’s Sin City effortlessly capturing the dark, edgy life-and-death danger and brutal wonder of Kishiro’s world in moving pictures.  300 years after the Earth was decimated in a massive war with URM (the United Republics of Mars) known as “the Fall”, only one bastion of civilization remains – Iron City, a sprawling, makeshift community of scavengers that lies in the shadow of the floating city of Zalem, home of Earth’s remaining aristocracy.  Dr. Dyson Ido (Christoph Waltz) runs a clinic in Iron City customising and repairing the bodies of its cyborg citizens, from the mercenary “hunter killers” to the fast-living players of Motorball (a kind of supercharged mixture of Rollerball and Death Race), one day discovering the wrecked remains of a female ‘borg in the junkyard of scrap accumulated beneath Zalem.  Finding her human brain is still alive, he gives her a new chassis and christens her Alita, raising her as best he can as she attempts to piece together her mysterious, missing past, only for them both to discover that the truth of her origins has the potential to tear their fragile little world apart forever. The Maze Runner trilogy’s Rosa Salazar is the heart and soul of the film as Alita (originally Gally in the comics), perfectly bringing her (literal) wide-eyed innocence and irrepressible spirit to life, as well as proving every inch the diminutive badass fans have been expecting – while her overly anime-styled look might have seemed a potentially jarring distraction in the trailers, Salazar’s mocap performance is SO strong you’ve forgotten all about it within the first five minutes, convinced she’s a real, flesh-and-metal character – and she’s well supported by an exceptional ensemble cast both new and well-established.  Waltz is the most kind and sympathetic he’s been since Django Unchained, instilling Ido with a worldly warmth and gentility that makes him a perfect mentor/father-figure, while Spooksville star Keean Johnson makes a VERY impressive big screen breakthrough as Hugo, the streetwise young dreamer with a dark secret that Alita falls for in a big way, Jennifer Connelly is icily classy as Ido’s ex-wife Chiren, Mahershala Ali is enjoyably suave and mysterious as the film’s nominal villain, Vector, an influential but seriously shady local entrepreneur with a major hidden agenda, and a selection of actors shine through the CGI in various strong mocap performances, such as Deadpool’s Ed Skrein, Derek Mears, From Dusk Til Dawn’s Eiza Gonzalez and a thoroughly unrecognisable but typically awesome Jackie Earle Haley.  As you’d expect from Rodriguez, the film delivers BIG TIME on the action front, unleashing a series of spectacular set-pieces that peak with Alita’s pulse-pounding Motorball debut, but there’s a pleasingly robust story under all the thrills and wow-factor, riffing on BIG THEMES and providing plenty of emotional power, especially in the heartbreaking character-driven climax – Cameron, meanwhile, has clearly maintained strict control over the project throughout, his eye and voice writ large across every scene as we’re thrust headfirst into a fully-immersive post-apocalyptic, rusty cyberpunk world as thoroughly fleshed-out as Avatar’s Pandora, but most importantly he’s still done exactly what he set out to do, paying the utmost respect to a cracking character as he brings her to vital, vivid life on the big screen.  Don’t believe the detractors – this is a MAGNIFICENT piece of work that deserves all the recognition it can muster, perfectly set up for a sequel that I fear we may never get to see.  Oh well, at least it’s renewed my flagging hopes for a return to Pandora …

15.  AD ASTRA – last century, making a space exploration movie after 2001: A Space Odyssey was a pretty tall order. THIS century, looks like it’s trying to follow Chris Nolan’s Interstellar – love it or hate it, you can’t deny that particular epic space opera for the IMAX crowd is a REALLY tough act to follow.  At first glance, then, writer-director James Gray (The Yards, We Own the Night) is an interesting choice to try, at least until you consider his last feature – he may be best known for understated, gritty little crime thrillers, but I was most impressed by 2016’s ambitious period biopic The Lost City of Z, which focused on the groundbreaking career of pioneering explorer Percy Fawcett, and couldn’t have been MORE about the indomitable spirit of discovery if it tried.  His latest shares much of the same DNA, albeit presented in a VERY different package, as we’re introduced to a more expansive Solar System of the near future, in which humanity has begun to colonize our neighbouring worlds and is now pushing its reach beyond our own star’s light in order to discover what truly lies beyond the void of OUTER space.  Brad Pitt stars as Major Roy McBride, a career astronaut whose whole life has been defined by growing up in the shadow of his father, H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones), a true pioneer who led an unprecedented expedition to the orbit of our furthest neighbour, Neptune, in order to search for signs of intelligent life beyond our solar system, only for the whole mission to go quiet for the past sixteen years.  Then a mysterious, interplanetary power surge throws the Earth into chaos, and Roy must travel farther than he’s ever gone before in order to discover the truth behind the source of the pulse – his father’s own ill-fated Lima Project … this is a very different beast from Interstellar, a much more introspective, stately affair, revelling in its glacial pacing and emphasis on character motivation over plot, but it’s no less impressive from a visual, visceral standpoint – Gray and cinematographer Hoyt van Hoytema (who, interestingly, ALSO shot Interstellar, along with Nolan’s Dunkirk and his upcoming feature Tenet) certainly make space look truly EPIC, crafting astonishing visuals that deserve to be seen on the big screen (or at the very least on the best quality HDTV you can find).  There’s also no denying the quality of the writing, Gray weaving an intricate story that reveals far greater depth and complexity than can be seen at first glance, while Roy’s palpable “thought-process” voiceover puts us right into the head of the character as we follow him across the endless void on a fateful journey into a cosmic Heart of Darkness.  There is, indeed, a strong sense of Apocalypse Now to proceedings, with the younger McBride definitely following a similar path to Martin Sheen’s ill-fated captain as he travels “up-river” to find his Colonel Kurtz-esque father, and the performances certainly match the heft of the material – there’s an impressive collection of talent on offer in a series of top-quality supporting turns, Jones being just the icing on the cake in the company of Donald Sutherland, Liv Tyler, John Ortiz and Preacher’s Ruth Negga, but the undeniable driving force of the film is Pitt, his cool, laconic control hiding uncharted depths of emotional turmoil as he’s forced to call every choice into question.  It’s EASILY one of the finest performances of his career to date, just one of the MANY great selling points in a film that definitely deserves to be remembered as one of the all-time sci-fi greats of the decade. An absolute masterpiece, then, but does it stand tall in comparison to Interstellar?  I should say so …

14.  BRIGHTBURN – torpedoing Crawl right out of the water in the summer, this refreshing, revisionist superhero movie takes one of the most classic mythologies in the genre and turns it on its head in true horror style.  The basic premise is an absolute blinder – what if, when he crashed in small-town America as a baby, Superman had turned out to be a bad seed?  Unsurprising, then, that it came from James Gunn, who here produces a screenplay by his brother and cousin Brian and Mark Gunn (best known for penning the likes of Journey 2: the Mysterious Island, but nobody’s perfect) and the directorial big break of his old mate David Yarovesky (whose only previous feature is obscure sci-fi horror The Hive) – Gunn is, of course, an old pro at taking classic comic book tropes and creating something completely new with them, having previously done so with HUGE success on cult indie black comedy Super and, in particular, Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies, and his fingerprints are ALL OVER this one too.  The Hunger Games’ Elizabeth Banks (who starred in Gunn’s own directorial debut Slither) and David Denman (The Office) are Tori and Kyle Breyer, a farming couple living in Brightburn, Kansas, who are trying for a baby when a mysterious pod falls from the sky onto their land, containing an infant boy.  As you’d expect, they adopt him, determined to keep his origin a secret, and for the first twelve years of his life all seems perfectly fine – Brandon’s growing up into an intelligent, artistic child who loves his family. Then his powers manifest and he starts to change – not just physically (he’s impervious to harm, incredibly strong, has laser eyes and the ability to disrupt electronic devices … oh, and he can fly, too), but also in personality, as he becomes cold, distant, even cruel as he begins to demonstrate some seriously sociopathic tendencies.  As his parents begin to fear what he’s becoming, things begin to spiral out of control and people start to disappear or turn up brutally murdered, and it becomes clear that Brandon might actually be something out of a nightmare … needless to say this is superhero cinema as full-on horror, Brandon’s proclivities leading to some proper nasty moments once he really starts to cut loose, and there’s no mistaking this future super for one of the good guys – he pulverises bones, shatters faces and melts skulls with nary a twitch, just the tiniest hint of a smile.  It’s an astonishing performance from newcomer Jackson A. Dunn, who perfectly captures the nuanced subtleties as Brandon goes from happy child to lethal psychopath, clearly demonstrating that he’s gonna be an incredible talent in future; the two grown leads, meanwhile, are both excellent, Denman growing increasingly haunted and exasperated as he tries to prove his own son is a wrong ‘un, while Banks has rarely been better, perfectly embodying a mother desperately wanting to belief the best of her son no matter how compelling the evidence becomes, and there’s quality support from Breaking Bad’s Matt Jones and Search Party’s Meredith Hagner as Brandon’s aunt and uncle, Noah and Meredith, and Becky Wahlstrom as the mother of one of his school-friends, who seems to see him for what he really is right from the start.  Dark, suspenseful and genuinely nasty, this is definitely not your typical superhero movie, often playing like Kick-Ass’ deeply twisted cousin, and there are times when it displays some of the same edgy, black-hearted sense of humour, too.  In other words, it’s all very James Gunn. It’s one sweet piece of work, everyone involved showing real skill and devotion, and Yarovesky in particular proves he’ll definitely be one-to-watch in the future.  There are already plans for a potential sequel, and given where this particular little superhero universe seems to be heading I think it could be something pretty special, so fair to say I can’t wait.

13.  STAR WARS EPISODE IX: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER – wow, this one’s proven particularly divisive, hasn’t it? And I thought The Last Jedi caused a stir … say what you will about Rian Johnson’s previous entry in the juggernaut science fiction saga, while it certainly riled up the hardcore fanbase it was at least well-received by the critics, not to mention myself, who found it refreshing and absolutely ingenious after the crowd-pleasing simplicity of JJ Abrams’ admittedly still thoroughly brilliant The Force Awakens.  After such radical experimentation, Abrams’ return to the director’s chair can’t help feeling a bit like desperate backpedalling in order to sooth a whole lot of seriously ruffled feathers, and I’ll admit that, on initial viewing, I couldn’t help feeling just a touch cheated given what might have been if similarly offbeat, experimentally-minded filmmaker Colin Trevorrow (Safety Not Guaranteed, Jurassic World) had stayed on board to helm the picture.  Then I got home, thought about it for a bit and it started to grow on me, before a second viewing helped me to reconcile all everything that bugged me first time around, seemingly the same things that have, perversely, ruffled so many more feathers THIS TIME.  This doesn’t feel like a retcon job, no matter what some might think – new developments in the story that might feel like whitewash actually do make sense once you think about them, and the major twists actually work when viewed within the larger, overarching storyline.  Not that I’m willing to go into any kind of detail here, mind you – this is a spoiler-free zone, thank you very much.  Suffice to say, the honour of the saga has in no way been besmirched by Abrams and his co-writer Chris Terrio (sure, he worked on Batman V Superman and Justice League, but he also wrote Argo), the final film ultimately standing up very well indeed alongside its trilogy contemporaries, and still MILES ABOVE anything we got in George Lucas’ decidedly second-rate prequels.  The dangling plot strands from The Last Jedi certainly get tied up with great satisfaction, particularly the decidedly loaded drama of new Jedi Rey (Daisy Ridley) and troubled First Order Supreme Leader Kylo Ren/Ben Solo (Adam Driver), while the seemingly controversial choice of reintroducing Ian McDiarmid’s fantastically monstrous Emperor Palpatine as the ultimate big bad ultimately works out spectacularly well, a far cry from any perceived botched fan-service.  Everyone involved was clearly working at the height of their powers – Ridley and Driver are EXCEPTIONAL, both up-and-coming young leads truly growing into the their roles, while co-stars John Boyega and Oscar Isaac land a pleasingly meaty chunk of the story to finally get to really explore that fantastic chemistry they teased on The Last Jedi, and Carrie Fisher gets a truly MAGNIFICENT send off in the role that defined her as the incomparable General Leia Organa (one which it’s still heartbreaking she never quite got to complete); other old faces, meanwhile, return in fun ways, from Anthony Daniels’ C-3PO FINALLY getting to play a PROPER role in the action again to a brilliant supporting flourish from the mighty Billy Dee Williams as the Galaxy-Far-Far-Away’s own King of Cool, Lando Calrissian, while there’s a wealth of strong new faces here too, such as Lady Macbeth’s Naomie Ackie as rookie rebel Jannah, Richard E. Grant as suitably slimy former-Imperial First Order bigshot Allegiant General Pryde, The Americans’ Keri Russell as tough smuggler Zorii Bliss and Lord of the Rings star Dominic Monaghan as Resistance tech Beaumont Kin.  As fans have come to expect, Abrams certainly doesn’t skim on the spectacle, delivering bombastic thrill-ride set-pieces that yet again set the benchmark for the year’s action stakes (particularly in the blistering mid-picture showdown between Rey and Kylo among the wave-lashed remains of Return of the Jedi’s blasted Death Star) and awe-inspiring visuals that truly boggle the mind with their sheer beauty and complexity, but he also injects plenty of the raw emotion, inspired character work, knowing humour and pure, unadulterated geeky FUN he’s so well known for.  In conclusion, then, this is MILES AWAY from the clunky, compromised mess it’s been labelled as in some quarters, ultimately still very much in keeping with the high standards set by its trilogy predecessors and EVERY INCH a proper, full-blooded Star Wars movie.  Ultimately, Rogue One remains THE BEST of the big screen run since Lucas’ Original Trilogy, but this one still emerges as a Force to be reckoned with …

12.  JOKER – no-one was more wary than me when it was first announced that DC and Warner Bros. were going to make a standalone, live-action movie centred entirely around Batman’s ultimate nemesis, the Joker, especially with it coming hot on the heels of Jared Leto’s thoroughly polarizing portrayal in Suicide Squad.  More so once it was made clear that this WOULD NOT be part of the studio’s overarching DC Extended Universe cinematic franchise, which was FINALLY starting to find its feet – then what’s the point? I found myself asking.  I should have just sat back and gone with it, especially since the finished product would have made me eat a big slice of humble pie had I not already been won over once the trailers started making the rounds.  This is something new, different and completely original in the DC cinematic pantheon, even if it does draw major inspiration from Alan Moore’s game-changing DC comics mini-series The Killing Joke – a complete standalone origin story for one of our most enduring villains, re-imagined as a blistering, bruising psychological thriller examining what can happen to a man when he’s pushed far beyond the brink by terrible circumstance, societal neglect and crippling mental illness. Joaquin Phoenix delivers the performance of his career as Arthur Fleck, a down-at-heel clown-for-hire struggling to launch a career as a stand-up-comic (badly hampered by the fact that he’s just not funny) while suffering from an acute dissociative condition and terrible attacks of pathological laughter at moments of heightened stress – the actor lost 52 pounds of weight to become a horrifically emaciated scarecrow painfully reminiscent of Christian Bale’s similar preparation for his acclaimed turn in The Machinist, and frequently contorts himself into seemingly impossible positions that prominently accentuate the fact.  Fleck is a truly pathetic creature, thoroughly put-upon by a pitiless society that couldn’t care less about him, driven by inner demons and increasingly compelling dark thoughts to act out in increasingly desperate, destructive ways that ultimately lead him to cross lines he just can’t come back from, and Phoenix gives his all in every scene, utterly mesmerising even when his character commits some truly heinous acts.  Certainly he dominates the film, but then there are plenty of winning supporting turns from a universally excellent cast to bolster him along, from Zazie Beetz as an impoverished young mother Arthur bonds with and Frances Conroy (Six Feet Under, American Horror Story) as Arthur’s decidedly fragile mother Penny to Brett Cullen (The Thorn Birds, Lost) as a surprisingly unsympathetic Thomas Wayne (the philanthropic father of future Batman Bruce Wayne), while Robert De Niro himself casts a very long shadow indeed as Murray Franklin, a successful comedian and talk show host that Arthur idolizes, a character intentionally referential to his role in The King of Comedy.  Indeed, Martin Scorsese’s influence is writ large throughout the entire film, reinforced by the choice to set the film in a 1981-set Gotham City which feels very much like the crumbling New York of Mean Streets or Taxi Driver.  This is a dark, edgy, grim and unflinchingly BRUTAL film, frequently difficult to watch as Arthur is driven further into a blazing psychological hell by his increasingly stricken life, but addictively, devastatingly compelling all the same, impossible to turn away from even in the truly DEVASTATING final act.  Initially director Todd Phillips seemed like a decidedly odd choice for the project, hailing as he does from a predominantly comedy-based filmmaking background (most notably Due Date and The Hangover trilogy), but he’s actually a perfect fit here, finding a strangely twisted beauty in many of his compositions and a kind of almost uplifting transcendence in his subject’s darkest moments, while his screenwriting collaboration with Scott Silver (8 Mile, The Fighter) means that the script is as rich as it can be, almost overflowing with brilliant ideas and rife with biting social commentary which is even more relevant today than in the period in which it’s set.  Intense, gripping, powerful and utterly devastating, this truly is one of the best films of 2019.  If this was a purely critical Top 30 this would have placed in the Top 5, guaranteed …

11.  FAST & FURIOUS PRESENTS HOBBS & SHAW – summer 2019’s most OTT movie was some of THE MOST FUN I had at the cinema all year, a genuinely batshit crazy, pure bonkers rollercoaster ride of a film I just couldn’t get enough of, the perfect sum of all its baffling parts.  The Fast & Furious franchise has always revelled in its extremes, subtle as a brick and very much playing to the blockbuster, popcorn movie crowd right from the start, but it wasn’t until Fate of the Furious (yup, the ridiculous title says it all) that it really started to play to the inherent ridiculousness of its overall setup, paving the way for this first crack at a new spin-off series sans-Vin Diesel.  Needless to say this one fully embraces the ludicrousness, with director David Leitch the perfect choice to shepherd it into the future, having previously mastered OTT action through John Wick and Atomic Blonde before helming manic screwball comedy Deadpool 2, which certainly is the strongest comparison point here – Hobbs & Shaw is every bit as loud, violent, chaotic and thoroughly irreverent, definitely playing up the inherent comic potential at the core of the material as he cranks up the humour.  Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham take centre stage as, respectively, DSS agent Luke Hobbs and former SAS black operative Deckard Shaw, the ultimate action movie odd couple once again forced to work together to foil the bad guy and save the world from a potentially cataclysmic disaster.  Specifically Brixton Lore (Idris Elba), a self-proclaimed “black superman” enhanced with cybernetic implants and genetic manipulation to turn him into the ultimate warrior, who plans to use a lethal designer supervirus to eradicate half of humanity (as supervillains tend to do), but there’s one small flaw in his plan – the virus has been stolen by Hattie Shaw (Mission: Impossible – Fallout’s Vanessa Kirby), a rogue MI6 agent who also happens to be Deckard’s sister.  Got all that?  Yup, the movie really is as mad as it sounds, but that’s part of the charm – there’s an enormous amount of fun to be had in just giving in and going along with the madness as Hobbs and the two Shaws bounce from one overblown, ludicrously destructive set-piece to the next, kicking plenty of arse along the way when they’re not jumping out of tall buildings or driving fast cars at ludicrous speeds in heavy traffic, and when they’re not doing that they’re bickering with enthusiasm, each exchange crackling with exquisite hate-hate chemistry and liberally laced with hilarious dialogue delivered with gleeful, fervent venom (turns out there’s few things so enjoyable as watching Johnson and Statham verbally rip each other a new one), and the two action cinema heavyweights have never been better than they are here, each bringing the very best performances of their respective careers out of each other as they vacillate, while Kirby holds her own with consummate skill that goes to show she’s got a bright future of her own.  As for Idris Elba, the one-time potential future Bond deserves to be remembered as one of the all-time great screen villains ever, investing Brixton with the perfect combination of arrogant swagger and lethal menace to steal every scene he’s in while simultaneously proving he can be just as big a badass in the action stakes; Leitch also scatters a selection of familiar faces from his previous movies throughout a solid supporting cast which also includes the likes of Fear the Walking Dead’s Cliff Curtis, From Dusk Till Dawn’s Eiza Gonzalez and Helen Mirren (who returns as Deckard and Hattie’s mum Queenie Shaw), while there’s more than one genuinely brilliant surprise cameo to enjoy. As we’ve come to expect, the action sequences are MASSIVE, powered by nitrous oxide and high octane as property is demolished and vehicles are driven with reckless abandon when our protagonists aren’t engaged in bruising, bone-crunching fights choreographed with all the flawless skill you’d expect from a director who used to be a professional stuntman, but this time round the biggest fun comes from the downtime, as the aforementioned banter becomes king.  It’s an interesting makeover for the franchise, going from heavyweight action stalwart to comedy gold, and it’s a direction I hope they’ll maintain for the inevitable follow-up – barring Fast Five, this is THE BEST Fast & Furious to date, and a strong indicator of how it should go to keep conquering multiplexes in future.  Sign me up for more, please.

#9 - Touring. Part 1 - Airport.

A/N - This is my first attempt at a chaptered fic! So it’s like the diary of the American tour. I’ll release it in parts :) This first part is when they’re at the airport <3 ~ A x

“You ready to go, babes?” Van calls softly from the hallway.

You’re still upstairs, taking a deep breath to inhale the sweet, homely scent of yours and Van’s bedroom for the last time in 3 months. You try to notice the plush feeling of your grey carpet between your toes, and you force your brain to remember the exact position of certain trinkets, such as framed photographs of you and Van, or ornaments with sentimental meaning to you. Van, a confident Leo, didn’t seem bothered by constantly leaving for tours - if anything, he preferred to be on the road. But you, a shy Cancer, were a homemaker, treasuring sentimental values, and needing a comfortable nest to retreat back into whenever your comfort zone felt under threat. It seemed cliché to blame it on zodiac signs, but fuck it, you believed in that shit.

You dust the heart-shaped photo frame containing a photo of you and Van when you first started dating. You look at your 16-year-old self. You were short and slightly tubby, but, in Van’s words, “in a cute kind of way”. You wore denim shorts, with fishnet tights underneath, and a pair of Timberlands. Most importantly, however, you wore a slightly too big t-shirt with “Catfish and the Bottlemen” printed on the front. 

The first t-shirt Van ever sold was to you. 

In your left hand, a lit cigarette smouldered, and on your right, a lanky, 18-year-old Van stood leaning against you. Clad in a black, cold-shoulder jumper and black skinny jeans, his cigarette hung out of his mouth lazily, as both of his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist. A moment of pure love, captured sneakily by your local undercover photographer (as well as Catfish’s drummer), who went by the name of Bob Hall. You remember how your parents hated Van, believing he was a bad influence. Well, to be fair, he bought you cigarettes and vodka when you were clearly underage. However, after getting to know him, your family quickly fell under Van’s spell of charm, and his clear adoration towards you. Who couldn’t love him?

You go to replace the photo back onto your nightstand, but change your mind, hastily shoving it into your handbag. You take one last look at your bedroom before shutting the door and walking downstairs. 

“Yep, I’m all ready.” you say, meeting Van’s cheek with a kiss as you pull the handle of your suitcase up.

“You’re gonna miss the place, aren’t you?” Van asks, almost sympathetically. He couldn’t understand your need for home comforts and security, but the boy tried, and you loved him for that.

“A little,” you reply, “But I’m ready for the American adventure!”

“We’ll be back in no time.” Van reassures you, not quite believing in your optimistic tone.

You follow him out of the front door, and shiver in the cold night’s air as you drag your suitcase towards the cab. As if out of instinct, Van places his grey trench coat over your shoulders like a cape. Larry was already loading his bags of both clothes and guitar gear into the boot of the taxi. Van loads two guitars and a big suitcase, leaving just enough room for your little bag of clothes. Fuck gender stereotypes, you, the only woman, had the least luggage of all.

“Christ, yous two took your time!” Larry teases, cheerfully, “What were you doing?”

“Y/N was just making sure she’d said goodbye to the house.” Van laughs.

“Gotta make sure he knows we’re not leaving forever!” you giggle, “Was just telling him we’d be back soon and all that shit!”

“You’ve got serious attachment issues, Y/N,” Larry laughs.

“Oi, at least I make my bed and do my own washing!” you joke back at him. Larry was notoriously bad at housekeeping, and was probably the messiest person you’d ever lived with. You and Van made sure he could confine his mess to one room and his own en-suite when you bought the house. There was no question that Larry would move in with you both - he was a right laugh and kept the mood jolly even when everything seemed to be going wrong.

“Right, are we ready to go?” Van asks, hopping into the back of the taxi next to you. 

You sit in the middle, with Van on your right and Larry to your left.

“Yep!” you reply.

The taxi pulls slowly away from your driveway as you begin the 2 hour drive to Heathrow airport.

--

You awake to the sound of Larry giggling beside you. You lift your head slowly from Van’s shoulder. Van remains asleep, and you take your phone from your lap to check the time. 4:31am - you had half an hour until you’d be at the airport. 

“What’s so funny?” you turn to Larry, suspiciously.

“Nothing,” he replies, “Look at this Vine.”

The Barbecue Sauce On My Titties Vine plays.

“I’ve already seen that one.” you croak, your voice still sleepy.

“Never gets old though.” Larry chortles.

“You’re right, that one’s a classic.” you laugh back.

“Look at him.” Larry motions to Van, whose head lolls against the window. He looks so peaceful, and your heart flutters with love for your boyfriend. You kiss his cheek gently, and watch him stir sleepily. His nose twitches first, then his right eye, before he opens both his eyes sleepily.

“You’ve woke him up now!” Larry says, half-annoyed, half-amused, “Oi, Van, have you seen this Vine?”

Van simply groans, placing his hand in yours.

“How long left?” he croaks.

You check your phone. “Approximately 24 minutes.”

“’Approximately’.” Larry snorts.

“Do you ever shut up?” Van asks, and Larry pulls a face in mock offence, “Actually, I know the answer to that - no.”

--

The taxi pulls into the airport at 5:04am. It’s still dark outside, and the November air bites your cheeks as you stretch and get out of the taxi. You begin to shiver - you always do, not only when you’re cold but also when you’re excited or nervous. You feel all of those emotions, thus your whole body shakes. 

“Babe,” Van gets out of the cab, handing you his grey coat again “Put this on.”

You weren’t cold, and although the jacket wouldn’t help you stop shaking, you loved wearing Van’s clothes, so you take it and wrap it around you like a cocoon. 

Van disappears for a split second, returning with a trolley for the luggage.

“Larry, mate, we might need another one of these.”

Larry returns with a trolley, and you help the boys stack the suitcases carefully onto each one between shivers. If not, they’d stack them so haphazardly there would be an accident somewhere in a terminal.

“Where are the others at?” Van asks, concerned, “They were supposed to get here before us.”

As if on cue, Bondy appears at your side, pushing a neatly stacked trolley full of suitcases and some musical equipment. 

“I guess this was your doing?” you gesture at the trolley, looking at Bob.

“Of course it was him!” Bondy laughs, “Imagine if me or Benji tried to stack it!”

“Well, I don’t think Benji would be so bad,” you say, “But you, no way!”

Bondy looks offended. “I’m not that useless!”

“I had to stack the trolleys for these lids too, I wouldn’t worry about it.” you reply, laughing.

“Let’s go lids!” Larry shouts, sprinting ahead with his trolley. 

“I’ll race you!” calls Van from behind, sprinting and pushing his trolley into the terminal.

You and the rest of the gang are in peals of laughter as you see families usher children out of the way, and elderly people tut disapprovingly. 

“I guess we better get a move on then.” Bondy says, and you all follow Van and Larry into the departures section of the airport.

--

You eventually catch Larry and Van up at the baggage check in. The airport’s not too busy with holidaymakers at 5:30am, so the queues are fairly short.

You hold Van’s hand as you watch the bags disappear down the conveyor belt. You must’ve looked worried as you lose sight of your luggage, as Van says, “Don’t worry, you’ll see them again tonight.” The woman behind the desk laughs, as you wait on the other side for the rest of the boys. You stand, daydreaming about duty-free shopping, when, all of a sudden, you feel a gentle tap on your mid back.

“Y/N?” a voice says, “Van?”

You both spin around to see a pair of young girls, who look about 15. They remind you of yourself at your age - one wears fishnet tights, shorts, Timberlands, and, most importantly, a Catfish t-shirt. The other wears ripped skinny jeans and a The Kooks t-shirt.

“Hi!” you smile, cheerily.

“Oh my god, Emma! It’s actually them!” the Catfish girl grins, grabbing onto the Kooks girl’s hand.

“Nice shirt.” says Van, smiling at the Catfish girl initially, then both girls, who look dumbfounded.

“Can we please have a picture?” the Kooks girl asks, shyly. The Catfish girl looks lost for words.

She pulls her phone out, and takes a selfie with you and Van. In the background, Larry waves at the camera, Bondy also smiles at the camera, but Bob and Benji are in a world of their own. Typical.

“Want me to sign anything?” asks Van, as the Catfish girl hands over her iPhone.

“Can you sign the case?” she grins.

“Of course.” Van replies, reaching for the Sharpie he keeps in his shirt pocket for special occasions like this one.

“When I was your age, I used to dress just like you.” you tell the Catfish girl.

“What’s your name?” Van interrupts, halfway through signing.

“Grace.” she replies shyly. 

“I’m Emma.” the other girl smiles.

You remember the photo you’d snuck into your handbag earlier, and pull it out to show Grace.

“I’m 16 here, look,” you say, showing her the picture, “Same outfit! That’s the first t-shirt he ever sold.”

Grace looks stunned, and leaves you slightly stunned after she enthusiastically throws her arms around you.

“It was so nice to meet you.” says Emma, “Have a great tour!”

“Thank you, Emma.” Van replies, “Keep buying t-shirts, Grace!”

The two girls laugh, their brace-covered grins stretching from ear to ear as they trot back to whoever they were travelling with.

“They were sweet.” Van says, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“Very.” you reply, as you and the boys advance towards the boarding gates.

--

Twenty three - Guayaquil & Lima

The alarm woke us up at 4.45 and it wasn't nice. We quickly got dressed and got an uber to the airport. After checking in we used our remaining Ecuadorian change on very expensive but nice looking chocolate. Mike had a sleep (having had a bad night's sleep) before we boarded to travel to our next country!

We tried to sleep on the flight, which was a on surprisingly nice LATAM plane. Mike, as always surprised even himself with his ability to sleep on transport and before we knew it we were in Lima. As we got off the flight I noticed a lot of people wearing athletic uniforms. Looking closer I saw the Olympic symbols; we were travelling with Olympians! If I was up on my sports maybe I'd have known who they were but lots of people were taking their photos when we landed.

We got a taxi to our hostel, in the perpetually cloudy desert city (it never rains!), through terrible traffic jams before emerging onto a highway along the seafront. On the way we saw temporary stadiums and stands for Lima 2019, the Pan-American Games! Suddenly the Olympians on the flight made sense! After 45 minutes we reached the hostel and had the quickest check-in and sort out turnaround so far. We were worried if we stopped we'd fall asleep. Instead we walked from the hostel through the Barranco suburb and the along the Malècon to the Milaflores district. Barranco had a real Bristol feeling to it with lots of street art and hipster cafes. Milaflores was definitely the upmarket part of town with fancy sea view apartments and a shopping mall on the cliff front.

As Lima is such a foodie city we really wanted to do a food tour but tickets are so pricey, $100 each!! So instead we took ourselves on a food tour. With a bit of research and Mike navigating the tour began. Before leaving Barranco we had to have what every good food tour starts with, an ice cream! The gelateria looked good and very hipster. It used local produce and flavours to create exotic and delicious ice creams. After trying a few flavours I decided you just can't go wrong with chocolate, especially when it's from South America. So we opted to share a scoop of chocolate nibs and it was absolutely delicious; Swoon in Bristol has a clear rival.

After the fairly long Malècon walk to work up an appetite the second stop was a ceviche place but as we neared we saw long queues outside. By this point it was getting later and we were getting hungry so decided to move on to the next stop, thinking we could come back another time when we'd booked. So the next stop was next to Park Kennedy, a park where all the stray cats live because they're treated so well! The cats are vaccinated, fed, watered and put up for adoption when they can be. There are loads in the park sunbathing and being stroked. Of course I couldn't resist so immediately looking for the nicest looking for a cuddle.

While in the park we spotted a churros seller which was another stop so quickly bought a couple to have. I think this was mainly as a distraction for Mike so he didn't get annoyed with me and the cats. The churros were filled with caramel, crunchy and sweet mmmm! And only 75p each!

After the churros we found a restaurant as our next stop. We ordered our first pisco sour (spirit made from grapes, lime juice, egg white, bitters), an Inca Kola, and a rocoto rellenos to share. The drinks arrived and the pisco sour was strong! Considering we hadn't eaten much it went to both of our heads immediately. The Inca Kola was bizzare, it wasn't like cola which is what I was expecting but was more like bubblegum panda pop. The more we drank the more we liked it.

The food came next and I'm salivating at the thought of it. Rocoto rellenos is a slightly spicy red pepper stuffed with mince, vegetables and cheese. I don't know exactly what else went into it but it was absolutely delicious. And what made it even better were the dauphinoise potatoes that accompanied it. They were creamy and cheesy and delicious. We were very happy. It was supposed to be a starter but was massive!

Slightly wobbly after the pisco sour we headed to the next destination but quickly realised we were flagging from our lack of sleep. We popped into a hipster coffee/book shop for a Peruvian espresso and to use their WiFi to do a quick bit of organising. A perpetual task, but the best coffee we've had on the trip!

After coffee the next stop was a Chifa restaurant. Peru is heavily influenced by the Chinese that came here as cheap labour after they abolished slavery. Chifa restaurants are everywhere and Peruvian cuisine is influenced by Chinese flavours. We sat down and ordered a lomo saltado to share. It turns out you could only order that as part of a set menu so we had to order spring rolls too. It was basically a beef stir fry, but with chips in the gravy style sauce, served with fried rice. Mike loved it as it was basically two of his favourite things combined, chips in gravy and fried rice! It was great but after the rocoto rellenos I think anything would struggle to compare.

The next stop was a stall back in Kennedy Square. It served a Peruvian delicacy, pork buns. We shared one, and putting on our snooty food critique hats compared it to the one we had in Guayaquil. This had salty pork in delicious bread with a slice of sweet potato in that provided sweetness and moisture, while the one in Guayaquil was juicier (covered in gravy) but plain.

Our final stop was to try and find another stall selling picarones, a ring donut, but made with sweet potato! We walked around the park three times looking but unfortunately didn't find one. We had to make do with another churro and stroking some more cats!

Feeling stuffed and completely exhausted (we'd been wandering around for 6 hours!) we sneakily reused the WiFi at the coffee shop to get an uber back to the hostel.

When we got in we realised tonight was the opening ceremony for the Pan American Olympic games, happening just round the corner! We both sat down and watched the ceremony while organising some more.

The ceremony was amazing and I felt so excited and weirdly proud. I don't know what the Olympics does to me (maybe I was remembering the London Olympics?) but I felt like I was going to cry! The Peruvians put on an amazing show with a huge mountain in the middle of the stage which lit up with projections. The performers were all in traditional dress and took us through the story of Peru. It was cool to see all the things we'd come to Peru for encapsulated in the show and made me excited for the rest of our travels!

We went to be very early that night and luckily we had nice dorm mates that didn't seem to mind, but did find it funny that we were sleeping in a bunk bed in a dorm on our honeymoon. I call it a good night's sleep!

Voice Actress Carnelian - Aika Kobayashi Interview

The moment we finish shooting, Aika Kobayashi beams at the staff and exclaims “that was so much fun!” She continues, “of course I’m glad to be on the cover of this magazine, but what made me even happier was that I got to try on so many outfits” - it’s clear that she’s a fashion-lover through and through.

I knew I had to wear that red off-shoulder outfit. The colour is just beautiful and the black and white dotted dress has this retro feel about it. I love it! But what I want people to notice the most is the shoes. They piqued my interest during the fitting session and I wanted them so badly that I bought them (laughs). Getting to wear cute shoes all the time is enough to get me hyped! The hat from the second outfit is so adorable too. There are eyes on my forehead! (laughs) There’s also this netting on the hat, which I think gives it an autumn-y feel. I have to say that the third outfit was very dressy. I hardly get a chance to wear clothes like those either for work or in my personal time, so it was a fresh experience for me. It has a girly vibe to it, but if you look closely, it has this playful American comic pattern on it. The gap between those aspects makes it so fascinating.

“Once I get started talking about fashion, I can’t stop”, she giggles. But it’s all too clear that there’s no falsehood in her words. As she picks out outfits for the shoot with her stylist, Kobayashi is asked what her trick is for choosing clothes. She answers simply: “intuition!”

Previously, I was really concerned about the price of clothes, so I stuck to the method of buying cheap and cute clothes at places like outlet malls. Nowadays, though, I don’t have much time to shop so I’ll buy the pieces I find that happen to speak to me: only the ones that I fall in love with at first sight. If I hesitate even slightly, I won’t buy it…. Or so I say, but end up telling myself that this is fate and just buy it anyway. (laughs dryly) Of course, some of them end up being misses, but depending on how I coordinate them with other clothes and accessories, I can try for a new look, or there are cases where my tastes change over time, so I don’t think that any of my purchases go to waste.

Fashion plays an integral part in Kobayashi’s life. Tracing her passion for fashion back in time, she reveals “I’ve been fascinated by it for as long as I can remember.”

I was the sort of kid who would mess around painting her nails. Sometimes I would sneakily put on my mother’s lipstick when she wasn’t looking. After that, I’d show it off to her shouting “Look at me! Look at me!” so it ended up not being sneaky at all (laughs). In elementary school, I loved inviting a bunch of friends to my house and putting on a fashion show: we would have so much fun dressing each other up. It was around that time I started to be so picky about fashion that I would pick my own clothes when I went shopping with my family. I would throw a bit of a tantrum every time I was forced to try on clothes my mother had bought that I didn’t fancy.

Naturally, her dream as a child was to be a designer or model… or perhaps something more?

Of course I did have those aspirations. But I also loved to sing and dance, so I also dreamed of being a singer. I enjoyed taking care of little children too, and was always the one looking after the younger kids around me ever since my kindergarten days. I hoped that one of those dreams would come true.

Kobayashi’s philosophy is to “have as many dreams as you can”. This has allowed her to always have multiple aspirations and come to terms with each of them.

I wanted to learn more about children, so I went to a technical college and earned my qualification as a kindergarten teacher. Even now, I hope to work with children sometime in some form or another. In terms of fashion, I’ve been given chances like this to wear so many different outfits, so I’m just overjoyed that I was able to make that dream come true.

As for song and dance, one needs look no further than her current work. This raises the question: what made her interested in song and dance in the first place?

I love Namie Amuro, who was one of my biggest influences as a child. I’d imitate her singing and choreography. Seeing me do that prompted my mother to put me through voice training and dance school. I learned dance for the first time at five years old: I still remember how to do the dance we performed at our recital and the basic techniques. Later, I started learning hip-hop dance when I was in third grade. I would have a blast singing and dancing with the friends I met there. I continued to attend dance classes in middle school. Looking back on it, that was when I danced the most. And seeing my friends get better than me ignited this burning rivalry inside me, which spurred me on to give my all. It was a place where people who shared the same dream could gather and encourage each other to improve. That’s why I didn’t give up half way through. I really count myself as blessed.

When asked about her personality as a child, she smiles wryly and answers “I couldn’t stand losing…” That hasn’t changed to this very day. But, her dislike of losing is what has enabled her to realise her dreams.

Definitely. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, if I could! (laughs) To phrase it in the negative, there was never a time when I’d shrink back and think “this is impossible.” In elementary school, there were times in class where we’d write about our dreams for the future. I used to dream so big that I’d be embarrassed of what I wrote down. My friends would all write something down to earth, so I felt like I was the only one with my head in the clouds (laughs). Sure, becoming a singer or dancer was a realistic dream to me, but there was one time I wrote down something different. That was the one time I took my eyes off reality. At all other times, I’ve had a strong belief that I should never give up on my dreams.

Her ambition bore fruit and Kobayashi fulfilled her dream, debuting as a singer during her high school years. It was thanks to her meeting with the CEO of her current agency.

He approached me at a competition that I entered during middle school. That led to me making my debut as an artist. I was over the moon. My family was so happy for me too.  I couldn’t stop thinking about how one of my dreams had come true. During my first recording, I felt more enjoyment than pressure. I’ve never felt very nervous when it comes to singing, and that time, I was completely fearless. (laughs) I think the recording staff tried to be considerate of me and let me do my own thing, but that day I just emptied my mind and sang. Now, having experienced so much as an adult means that the experience is a good deal more frightening than it used to be. It’s kind of unfair to the people around you when you’re the only one who knows nothing! (laughs)

There was another source of joy for Kobayashi upon making her debut as an artist: being able to receive feedback directly from her fans.

The 2011 Touhoku earthquake and tsunami happened not long after I made my debut. That was when I received tweets from people saying that listening to my song gave them courage. I felt like having someone say that to me was the reason I’d gone through all that effort. Of course, there was also the joy that I felt from experiencing my first recording and seeing my CD on store shelves and thinking “I’ve really made it.” Those things are all well and good, but I never had the opportunity to hear what people thought of my singing: it was just a one way street. So reading those tweets was the first time I realised that my singing was able to encourage someone. The happiness of knowing that left a lasting impression on me, so even now, I take care to read the letters I receive from my fans.

While continuing her work as a singer, Kobayashi encountered another unexpected turning point: that was beginning her journey as a voice actress.

The CEO of my agency recommended that I give it a try, but I was reluctant at first. I did watch a lot of anime but I wasn’t overly enthusiastic about it. I also didn’t have any acting experience and wasn’t confident in my voice. That was why I turned down the opportunity a number of times at first. But one day, I experienced a shift in my mindset that made me think that I should give it a try. Although I was still singing, I hadn’t made any major breakthroughs, which caused me to go through a lot of anxiety at the time. At the root of it was this hunger for an opportunity to change myself. In the midst of that, I took the audition which ended up giving me the role of Yoshiko Tsushima. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that I’d scored a role in Love Live! Sunshine!!, a franchise that I loved so much.

It so happened that her time as a voice actress would be full of surprises.

Firstly, it felt odd to me to be in the world of anime. I’d been involved with anime in other ways, like singing an ending theme for a series, but I didn’t think the day would come when I would be playing a role in an anime. (laughs) There was a moment when I felt all of the possibilities in my life open up before me and I thought to myself “I didn’t know I could be involved with an anime like this.” (laughs) In that sense, I do hope that my experiences will be a source of courage for people out there who are thinking of pursuing something new. And, well, since I’ve started to receive letters from my fans, I’ve found that many of them are requests for advice along the lines of “I’m not sure if it’s OK to follow my dreams now that I’ve started my career.” My personal opinion is that it’s definitely never too late to start something new. I mean, I am where I am now because I had the unexpected opportunity to pursue voice acting. What’s most important is not time or experience, but how badly you want to follow your dreams. That’s the message that I want to send.

Of course, not everything went smoothly for her.

Acting and singing are the same in the sense that you use both to express something. But, when you consider the technical aspects and all, acting really is a completely different beast. Tweaking the tiniest nuance can change the personality of the character you play. For example, there are times where you might try to add some individuality to your character by giving her an accent, but you overthink things so that everything she says ends up sounding the same. You learn something new every time. Watching anime or dubbed movies, I’ve never felt that the voice acting was unnatural, but I suppose that’s testament to how naturally professional voice actors and actresses can perform. When it came time for me to be the one doing the acting, I found out what a difficult and amazing feat it is.

Kobayashi says that “now, I prioritise feeling more than technique in my acting.”

When you try to get into your character’s head and empathise with their feelings, there are things you can learn about the way they think.

We learn that she has always had an active imagination.

I have a habit of letting my imagination go wild. (laughs) I like to imagine how particular characters would sound like when they laugh, or how they would express themselves if they were angry. I started to notice that if I can imagine that, my voice will change naturally. At first, I only paid attention to the vocal aspect of voice acting work: I would record myself acting and listen to the recording, reflecting on what I did well and what I did poorly. But nowadays, once I get a script I'll read it and let my imagination go wild. I'll make a bunch of notes in the script about the characters' emotions, or write comments like "my character is sweating bullets in this scene". (laughs) I'll tend to do that even when I read the manga or novel. The characters will keep on acting out their lines inside my head - and all in my voice. (laughs) As I read, I'll ponder on the meaning of the illustration pages in novels or the individual panels of manga, so it takes me ages to get through it. (laughs)

Kobayashi never imagined that she would be a voice actress, but she says that it's now among the most enjoyable work she's done. She exudes that enthusiasm through every sentence she speaks, explaining the joy of acting.

All of my roles are very stimulating for me. I mean, it's fantastic that I get to become someone or something other than myself just by using my voice. I could change my appearance or age, my gender, or I could even become something other than a human being. Every time I act I get to step into someone else's shoes for a while and because of that, I've learned to see things from a variety of perspectives. My own life has been pretty packed with experiences up until this point, and to think that I could get to experience even more makes me excited at the prospect of what the future holds. (laughs) Also, it's not like I'm in the business of making anime by myself: it's a collaborative work with my fellow cast members and staff. That makes it so much fun. Before, I used to feel pressured not to be a burden on the people around me, but one day a sound director gave me this advice: "voice acting is something that you neither learn nor study: you just have to experience it." Since then, I've made it a point to absorb all sorts of things from the people around me. Even so, I've still only just begun. For me right now, the words that make me the happiest are when the sound director says "alright, that's a wrap!" (laughs) I'll do my best to get the director's approval in as few takes as possible.

This year marks three years since Aika Kobayashi debuted as a voice actress. It is still only September, but we took an early look back on what kind of year 2018 was for her.

Every month, week and day felt so long, yet it's all gone by so quickly. It's weird. I have no idea what happened. (laughs) I've never felt like this before. But, what I can say for sure is that it's been fulfilling. I think the most fitting word to describe the way time went by is "youth". When I'm with my friends and workmates, I laugh so loudly that it makes me wonder if the people around me think I'm a nuisance. But at the same time, I also feel like that’s what being young is all about. (laughs) I think in essence, it’s about having a lot to learn, a lot of things to absorb and experience for the first time and taking on the challenge with everything you’ve got. Lately, I have a lot of fun even just sleeping! (laughs)

Amusing… but what does that mean?

For example, five years ago I used to feel a sense of impatience about so many different things when I went to bed, but now I can go to sleep with a sense of confidence. Every day is so jam packed and fulfilling and sleep is there for me to recover from the tiredness built up from that day. That makes me so happy.

It’s been a busy 2018 for Kobayashi indeed. But among the busyness, one of her long held dreams came true: working in fashion.

I produced my own parka and was able to get it manufactured. I was of course happy that they made it the way I wanted, but I know there were also a lot of people who were looking forward to wearing it, and I’m sure that it brings joy to a lot of people when they wear it now. It allowed me to experience the emotions that creators feel in a new way. The ways that I approach singing, dancing, acting and designing clothes are all different, but you can see a certain Aika Kobayashi-ness in all of them. It made me happy that I was able to give that to people.

It’s still some ways off, but we ask her about her resolutions for 2019…

I’ll be 25! Wow. Just, wow. The way I used to imagine life at 25 is so different to how my life looks now – I’m at a loss for words. (laughs) I mean I thought I would have settled down, gotten married and maybe even had a child. I never thought I’d be laughing so loudly with friends and thinking to myself “this is what youth is like!” (laughs dryly) When I said “wow” earlier, I didn’t mean it in a negative way: I don’t think that this kind of life as a 25 year old is bad at all. When people get older, I feel like they start to step on the brakes a little: they’ll give up on things and taking a new step forward becomes that much harder. But I want to keep taking on new challenges no matter how old I get. In that sense, I suppose I am still a little bit childish.

When asked about her ambitions outside of voice acting, Kobayashi answers that she’d like to start a fashion brand.

I want to start a brand that caters to a variety of fashion styles: not just parkas. I’m studying design bit by bit in order to achieve that. I’ll do things like researching how to use colour, or taking down notes immediately when I find something cute. I think that I might even want to try making clothes myself, not just designing them. But I’m not too handy so I think I might actually pass on that. (laughs dryly) Before I made a puppet to be the mascot for my Nico Nico Douga livestream (Aika Kobayashi’s Open Rehearsal) – I’m good at making little things like that. But clothes tend to come out a little bit rough around the edges, so I leave that to someone who’s an expert in sewing. (laughs)

Kobayashi is making her dreams come true, while still setting new goals and progressing towards them as well. This resonates with her words from the beginning of this interview: “have as many dreams as you can.”

I have a lot of small dreams. As I fulfil those bit by bit, the bigger dreams change. So I think it’s a never-ending process. But making even the small dreams come true is a confidence booster. I feel that always having that confidence will lead to a positive life.

We can’t help but be interested in the life she’ll be living after she turns 25.

I don’t think I’ll be any different! (laughs) I’ll probably find some new dreams and take them on as well. It’d be awesome if I could say to myself “I’ve never felt younger in my life!”

Thanks to Picup (@eiyuupicup) for proof reading this translation.

The scans in this article are my own. Please do not repost or reproduce without permission.

V-rella

[Mystic Messenger © Cheritz

Cinderella/Cendrillon © Charles Perrault

Story © rounse-error]

Please do not plagiarize my work! 

Plot: “Take away the magic and whatnot. How would a fairytale turn out to be?” 

AU: Cinderella Universe

Genres: Romance, Fluff, Comedy 

Pairing: Jihyun Kim (V) X MC

For @jihyunmcweek; Day 5: Fairy Tale 

Author’s Note: I originally wanted to write a one-shot but inspiration overtook me so yeah, here you go...a mini series for the event. After this, I’ll be sure to work on my 2nd batch request. 

Side note: My writing style - for this series - will change depending on the perspective of the focused character.

Part 1: Crown Princess MC

“As future queen, your main priority is to rule and lead our people in the right direction. However, as you are my precious daughter, I pray that you choose the right one.”

“Of course. I shall not fail you, father.”

***

The capital city of the Han Kingdom buzzed with life and wonder. The streets were crowded with citizens as usual and went on with their daily routines. Numerous shops were open and its store keepers advertised their goods to the public with booming and lively voices. Children ran around and played around to their hearts’ content.

But unbeknownst to the citizens, the crown princess stood amongst them. Disguised in a simple attire, MC strolled around the ever-busy streets with ease and by her side was her faithful maid and friend, Jaehee who kept an eye on her.

“Shouldn’t we do our main objective by now, Mi-…MC?”

“Oh, Jaehee! We have until sundown to accomplish it! Why don’t we entertain ourselves with the common pleasantries first, hm?”

“No, MC. Our objective must be our priority or else, the Ki-…your father will be disappointed.”

MC huffed out her annoyance of Jaehee’s constant nagging and placed her palms on her hips. With a pout, she stated, “Jaehee…but father dearie also did say that I can enjoy eating common foods called food in a stick, watch puppet shows, and other fun things!”

“Fine. You may do whatever you want for two hours only…”

“Thanks, Jaehee!”

And thus, her venture began.

Amazed and curious about the commoners and their simple world, MC subconsciously slipped away from Jaehee’s watchful eyes and failed to anticipate a nervous lad – who was burdened with carrying a file – running into her direction. Her eyes focused in a certain painting until they both collided against each other in a forceful impact. Due to her small structure, she fell flat on the cemented ground and soiled her dress in the process.

MC was rather surprised by a hand held out to her yet pushed the feelings of embarrassment aside and took the stranger’s hand. Although it was brief, MC noticed how calloused and larger the stranger’s hand was as well as the faint colorful smudges in the ends of their fingers.

Those smudges…they’re dried paint, aren’t they?

“I-I’m so sorry, Miss! I wasn’t looking where I was going!”

MC was taken aback by the harmonious and refined voice of a handsome stranger. She felt being lulled to sleep as he continued to utter words of apologies. Despite her nearly spacing out, a stern and queenly part of her willed herself back to reality. She forced herself to focus at the mint-haired beauty before her without letting herself slip away.

“It is fine. No harm was done to me,” she stated to end the awkwardness between them.

With her reply, he blinked away all the stress and anxiety away and she felt herself being captivated by staring deep into a pair of beautiful turquoise orbs. Those eyes held serenity and kindness yet underneath them was a pair of virtuoso eyes that saw the world much deeper compared to her imaginative and childish view.

For this man to be so perfect, he must have been an angel in disguise or maybe, this was just her imagination talking…

“-ss? Hello, Miss? Are you alright?”

“I-I’m fine. The heat is just getting to me,” MC reasoned while faking in rubbing her nonexistent sweat away with one forearm.

Great job, MC. You managed to make a fool of yourself. Of course, no one would buy your excuse-

“Well, the heat is certainly extreme around this time of the month,” he said with a nervous chuckle. He felt the urge to copy the same action as MC but resisted due to the confidential file in his grasp.  

He’s either playing along or didn’t notice it at all…

As MC opted to looking at anywhere but him, the file in his possession caught her interest. The stranger paled as MC attempted to squint her eyes to get a better look on his father’s file. “Um, Miss?”

“What’s that you’re holding?”

“Well, this file consists of financial statements of my father’s business...”

“Ah. Could it be that your father is a businessman?”

“A merchant to be extact…”

“Interesting,” MC stated with eyes brightening up in curiosity. Perhaps, he could be of help with her request.

“It sure is.”

“If you’re a merchant’s son…then, can I ask you a question about a certain product?”

“I’ll do my best to answer it,” he replied, trying not to let his worry get the best of him as MC forgot about her ruined attire and didn’t have the slightest clue about bystanders staring at her disheveled form while gossiping among their peers.  

“I’d really like to ask permission from a painter who made this beautiful painting…if I could buy it,” her hand gestured to a painting that stood out amongst other paintings outside of an art shop as merely a display to which his eyes followed her gesture and they widened in surprise. Then she continued, “…perhaps, you might know him or her?”

“That painting?”

She nodded after he pointed to a painting of the sun that shone over the Han Kingdom, then he fell silent as if pondering over something much more complex than she could think of. She waited in anticipation, hoping that he knew of the mysterious painter called V.

“Fortunately, I know whom you speak of. I’d certainly ask him, but may I inquire as to why you desire to have it?”

“Well…you see, I-…I mean, the crown princess is secretly fond of V’s art works. I promised to purchase one for her if it’s possible,” she hoped that her reason was convincing enough not to draw suspicion from him, and to her relief, he nodded without question.

“Oh, I see. He would definitely be delighted to hear such a praise.”

“Thank you very much. Well-“

Their conversation came to an end as they saw Jaehee frantically calling out to MC. All color was drained from MC’s face, fully knowing that she’d prepare for the worst to come once she’s been found. “I should get going. See you around!”

He waved at her in response before turning his back and his figure slowly faded from her line of sight. She smiled dreamily before a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders to turn her back and she came to face with a furious Jaehee.

“You gave me such a fright! Your father would have my head if I truly lost you!” Jaehee’s grip on her tightened yet MC knew that Jaehee was also careful enough not to bruise her so MC made no effort to peel herself away from her frightening grip and sheepishly grinned instead.  

“Sorry. I got distracted and left you behind…I didn’t expect the capital to be this fun!”

“I’d have to report your unruly behavior-“

“Let’s leave that for later! Jaehee, I found the one for my upcoming ball!”

Never had she seen Jaehee look so relieved in her entire life. Could it be she’d given her poor friend enough trouble for these past few weeks? Feeling her shoulders being free from Jaehee, the numbing ache began acting up. MC let them keep hurting, fully aware that she deserved it for giving Jaehee a new set of wrinkles in her forehead.

“That is great news. So, what do you plan next?”

MC tapped on her hip, trying to remember her next move while Jaehee prayed that it didn’t involve trespassing someone’s premises and whatnot.

“Well…”

***

MC grinned in triumph as she held a piece of intel about her chosen partner. Putting it inside her gown pocket, she knew that there was no point in staying here – Merchant Kim’s premises – any further. MC checked for unwanted presences within her line of vision before leaping out of an open window and landed perfectly on the moist grassy land.

Not far from where she stood was Jaehee hidden inside the bushes and MC could faintly hear her mantras of apologies in breaking the law and indulging the wishes of her mischievous princess.

“Jaehee, I’m over here…”

Upon hearing her princess, Jaehee crawled out of her hiding spot and heaved out a sigh, feeling relieved that MC managed to sneak in someone’s premises – that was packed with busy workers – undetected.

“We’re done here, now it’s time to flee,” she said as she grabbed for Jaehee’s hand and they fled the premises sneakily, managing to be out of the workers’ sight by hiding behind every tree and every bush.

Now, they sat on a bench in a local parker and basked themselves under the light of sundown. They took a quick breather before MC handed Jaehee the piece of paper, Jaehee’s brows narrowed in confusion as she read the details.

“But what you wrote is someone’s measurement for the trousers, the top-…wait, what am I supposed to do with this?”

“You’ll be shopping for a bit,” MC answered, still enjoying her roasted corn in a stick. Then she proceeded, “and then…you’ll be playing Fairy Godmother for this person if it’s alright.”

An amateur drawing of a min-haired man was in Jaehee’s grasp. Her blank expression offered no guarantee of her request being fulfilled. MC secretly hoped she’d be willing to accept it…

“To think that Crown Prince from Choi Kingdom influenced you this much, I’d have to report this to your father as well…”

“But Saeyoung is my new friend who turned out not be a snob or an arrogant idiot! And please Jaehee, this will be my last request!”

“Well, I-“

[TBC]

I woke up at 5am, drove to a local hill and read my book. How did it affect my day?    

 I use to wake up at 7am, eat straight away, sleep for half an hour and be late for work

 Hellewwww. So, I would like to discuss a concept probably foreign to a lot of us, and that is productivity in the mornings. I think the general consensus for mornings is; wake up, turn the alarm off, lay there being miserable about our inevitable rise from the bed, literally fall back asleep like you don’t even need wages because you got the rent fairy to help you out, turn the alarm off, after laughing at the wage fairy thing become miserable again, tiny ‘lil pep talk, and rise. Usually, the mornings are for being sluggish, letting your body adjust and rest at the same time. You would eat your food and watch some TV or look on your phone, until it’s time to get ready for work or school. I feel this is the default morning of most people. My mornings have always been a little lazier and more shameful then that!

Typically, I would give myself an hour and 9 minutes. I’d have to leave at 8:15 so I would get up at 7:06 because sleep minutes are more like hours when you feel you’re losing them and 6 more minutes in bed felt like a lot to me. Then I would sluggishly walk to the kitchen and feed my two cats who would be bountiful balls of energy, making me a mere shell of a person in their presence. I would then make any cereal I can find and sit on the couch watching TV or looking through my phone as I ate. I wouldn’t really have time for a cooked breakfast or tea because here comes the important bit; I lay sleep, on the couch, for half an hour, as my partner lays in bed. Why? Glad you asked J I have no clueL. For me, being awake whilst in bed is fantastic because I can actually feel the pleasure of just lying there and letting my mind drift. I’m conscious to know I’m snuggly in bed and that’s a great feeling. So for me, I actually like my body being awake. That’s the reason I lay on the couch, much to my fiancés dismay that I would rather lay alone on the couch where the cats walk all over me and crush my ribs, their wet noses tapping my skin as they examine what the hell I think I’m doing with my life, then in her arms in our warm bed. I lay there merrily, thinking about nice happy things, body at rest, mind adrift, milk getting sneakily licked from my cereal bowl by those assholes as I lay careless and oblivious in my own warm bubble of rest and contentment. This is also subliminally stressful as I have to remember to get up at eight and each morning, my drifting mind lives in secret fear and sheer panic that I’ll properly fall asleep and be awoken at like 8:15 by my ashamed partner. Nonetheless, I always get up because I don’t actually sleep, I just lay there, pointlessly. Let’s think about what can be done in half an hour?

 ü  A workout session

ü  Reading a book

ü  Applying for jobs

ü  Answering emails

ü  A walk with fresh air

ü  A shower

ü  Putting effort into your make up, hair and outfit

ü  Chores that you now don’t have to come home to

ü  Making your partner breakfast

ü  Watching EastEnders whilst washing up

You can get a lot done in that space of time so why was I just lying there, not even sleeping? It was pointless and I decided to change it, to explore the enigmatic world that rapidly progresses as we lie half dead asleep. The World of the Larks.  The Larks are strange beings, they do the equivalent of half a day’s work a night owl does, in the two or three hours you’re still asleep. They are powerful and their motivation and strength should be feared or stolen from them when you get the chance. I decided this morning, I would try it. I spent a week, a few years ago, jogging at 6am. It was winter, dark, everyone at the bus stop looked like lonely orphans in any film designed to tug on your heart strings, and it didn’t appeal to me. However it’s the penultimate month of summer now, so I thought it would be different.

 The hardest part already was the night before. Using my valuable, precious, beautiful time in evenings to actually be asleep by 10pm. I was devastated. I typically have so much damn fun in the evening, writing ideas for my 27 open novels, being too devoted to Bored Panda, Facebooking drama watching, TV, shouting “CUTENESS” at my cats, then I’ll go to bed at the ridiculous hour of about half 11, 12 or even 1! I’d fall asleep straight away and then repeat the aforementioned cycle of the 7:06 start. It sounds dreadfully unproductive and like a stereotypical uni student really. Like I would have lived when I was working till 10pm then at uni at like 10 or 2am. But this isn’t fun times anymore, I have a big girl job with a big girl flat and a big girl life and car insurance. It’s time to behave like a big productive girl who organises her life in diaries and budgets. So now we’re in the morning and I sort of woke up at 4:48am, my brain obviously pre-empting its doom. Then 5am hit. I took some advice from videos I had watched to prepare for this and I charged my phone in the hallway outside my door. That way, to shut off the noise, I had to get up, walk out to the hall and crouch down, giving my knees a workout already to switch it off. My partner decided to do this experiment with me, but left her phone on the nightstand, showing clear signs that her heart wasn’t in this, but she came with me and I feel so very proud. Her names Ashleigh by the way. Anyway, so I used the time to respond to some messages, they had built up because I didn’t use my phone half an hour before bed the previous night, another tip I picked up. The break from the screens will really do me good. It will help my eyes and my concentration levels. My eye lids won’t be lower, looking down at the phone, which helps with the eyes feeling lighter and me feeling more awake.

I was also surprised with how awake I actually felt. I find this happens every time I wake up before 7am, I always feel more awake then when I wake up after 7am. It’s odd but it’s true. Your body feels a bit weaker rather than just sluggish, but your eyes and mind are awake, like this is the time they are meant to be up all along and you’ve been over sleeping them. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone else, but always been like this for me. So we woke up and had some grapes and water. I’m the type of person who could honestly eat KFC and drink coke, 5 minutes after waking up. Ashleigh could barely look at the grapes. 2 hours before their breakfast time, and the cats thought we were tired enough to forget and feed them early. Suckers! So then we left in her car and we drove to these hills near our flat, you climb them in a twisting motion and they overlook a beautiful canvas under the blue skies’ light of cars racing down the motorway, dull brown house roofs and Greater London pollution. Once we reached the precipice, we found our journey up had consisted of talks of the mind, how it copes with waking up early, how being productive actually boosts our serotonin levels and how we feel happier and more alive. So smarter conversation was happening. In our normal routine, the only conversation we’d get in the morning is what’s happening on Facebook or… nothing. It felt great to have an in depth conversation with nothing but the breeze around us, no screens no third party media to influence our conversations, just us, our minds and the world. It was lovely.

At the top, it took a minor toll on our legs. Let me tell you by the way, your legs at 5am are the equivalent to the little devil on your shoulder who tells you, you won’t get a degree because you’re useless at life or you won’t ever find a career you love just lower your standards or you won’t feel in the slightest horrible if you spend over £20 on a pizza delivery at 11pm on a week night. They don’t like 5am and they will remind you you’re a sadist and to have mercy and send them to bed. Ignore them, they are the over dramatic one in the family. Nonetheless, we sat down at the top and began to read our respective books. Mine was “The Good Guy” (Susan Beale), set in 1964, a realistic view on marriage, its ups and downs, the pressures on the typical masculine and feminine roles, motherhood and adultery, and hers was “I Let You Go” (Claire Mackintosh), how one mistake, brought on by pressurising and damaging events, can turn life upside down, with thrills and chases and emotions tugged hard. We only read a chapter each, but as everyone knows, books nourish your eyes better than a screen will, they nourish your imagination, forcing it to work to picture what you read rather than it being given to you, they nourish your vocabulary and extend it and they nourish your mood for the day with the journey you take when reading it, leaving you picturing your own world and story with more passion and thoughtfulness.

We descended the hill (and I ran up another, sorry legs L I am a bit heartless) and made our way home. She cooked us an omelettes and I washed up meaning, we will come home to a clean and tidy flat with no chores after a long day at work. We had tea and coffee, ate our food, shouted “CUTENESS” at the cats for a 37th time, and watched the YouTube Video that inspired this. I will link it down below. When we looked at the time it was 5 minutes to 8. I still had 5 minutes and I felt like I’d done my whole usual morning up until lunch time.

 This experiment really did change my day, I feel brighter and more awake at work, driving to work made me feel more conscious and thus, safer. My morning was accomplished and productive, I felt like I had a much better handle on my life. We saw people jogging, people exercising, couples doing yoga at the top of the hill, and the enigmatic world of morning larks turned out to be a nice peaceful group of people exercising, nourishing their minds and bodies, leaving them free to relax in the evening. My partner and I both feel rejuvenated, in control, happier, fresher, lighter, healthier and less stressed immediately. I even got a text about something that had been stressing me and I swear it felt so much lighter on my shoulders, in fact it went straight over my head because I felt happy and in control of life, not down trodden and rushing to get to work. I suggest you all spend at least one day waking up at 5am, I promise you, you will not feel as over tired as you think you will, you’ll even feel more awake than usual, or your money back! It’s still, sort of summer, so leave the house, and go on a small walk or read a book, climb a hill and kiss the rising sun, do anything as long as it’s doing something productive. Then cook a hot breakfast and feel proud of your strength and your beautiful, accomplished morning. I do not miss my beautifully pointless naps and my hobby of running red lights because I’m late for work.

 Mentioned YouTube video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGWrGFlYtAQ

Thank you

Siobhan

do the even numbers for the vg ask binch

BINCH

Video Game Asks!

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.answered!

4. Who do you play with now?Who? Like my friends? Mostly the same people I played with when I was a kid, but now they’ve grown up into ripe gaming fruits. And some new friends who I met through love of video games  *stares directly into camera*

6. Ever buy strategy guides?No. I’d rather spend money on the game itself. I see the pretty art books often and wonder though…

8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?uH. What? Rarest? I don’t have any of those classic games that are worth a fortune now. Most expensive was probably the Dishonored 2 bundle that I bought because I wanted Corvo’s mask super bad

10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?

I have not! I usually pre-order using the internet and try to distract myself until I can feel the game with my fingers

12. Ever get picked on for liking games?Wheeeen I was younger, yes. I stopped playing for a little while, even though I was not any good at the time anyway. I didn’t pick it back up again until the middle of high school when I stopped caring.

14. Favorite game music?I… really like the Journey and Undertale Soundtrack. However, Kingdom Hearts and Nier: a tomato have been my… main music go-tos .In fact, I’m listening to the Nier ost right now.

16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?Answered!

18. Would you date someone that hates gaming?No. Bitch. Worst-case scenario they “tolerate” it. Just kidding, NO that’s impossible. Worst case is they’re indifferent. And in that case, they’d have to be pretty darn spectacular. Like they own Disneyland spectacular. Trust me. 

20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?BIOSHOCK. I can tell you where every audio diary is. And every ridiculous jump scare. I also could say the same about Nier, but that’s a little too recent, so the obsession is still fresh.

22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?I have a Fallout t-shirt, Kingdom Hearts Sweater, some lovely Nier pins, and a 2B phone charm accessory. I love game merch, I just am a bit picky on which ones I wear.

24. First Pokemon game?It was actually Yellow. I never got Red and/or Blue.

26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?I don’t like those, but literally Pokemon Go sets them up by making you pick teams and publicly fight the other teams down.

28. Ever play in a tournament?nOpe I’m not that good. I watch a lot of tournaments though.

30. How many consoles do you own?Uhh, since forever? I would say 8. However, the only active ones right now are my ps4 and Switch. Everything else is stored away in the closet or was given away.

32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?Not. Really. No. I don’t really love those. One time I got Narnia as a gift and cried at how bad it was. And then there was Shrek Party?? Which was a depressing version of Mario party, but with Shrek characters. I liked it… actually. If it were done well, maybe?  

34. Do either of your parents play video games?My mother plays pokemon go and is level 40, which is higher than me. And it’s kind of made her more open to the idea of playing video games. But my mom knows the basics of certain video games enough to not get mad at me when I tell her I can’t pause. 

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?I have cried over a few video games. Not full on crying, but my eyes will water and that’s pretty wild. Sweat is all over my controllers. I clutch them so hard. I was also very emotionally compromised over The Last of Us, but it was mostly internal.

oHH! One time I was playing Battleborn and got a nosebleed, but I’m pretty sure that was on account of the weather and not the game. 

38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?I have no shame at all whatsoever in any game that I like. I guess Fable, 2 and 3 were absolutely awful according to everyone, but I thought they were alright, mostly because it made me think of the first game.

40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?I think they’re fun! But am sad that they probably won’t be able to reach their full potential in my house.

42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?…Bioshock tbh. That was the first game I legitimately played after stopping gaming for an awfully long time. The one that started it all. Kingdom Hearts and Bioshock. Two completely different games. 

44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?I never really played arcade games? Soul Calibur? DDR??

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?YES THOSE ARE LIKE MY FAVORITE TYPES OF GAMES!!??!? I can seduce Harvest Moon characters all the ding dang day. And I can fish for hours. Fishing mechanics are vital in every game. 

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?84 years. In all honestly, it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending on the options that are available. Dragon Age took so… so long. Basically any game with the objective of making your character look cooler is… dEATH

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?Answered!

52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?Pokemon Y

54. Do you give in to Steam sales?I use my friend’s steam and he has like 2000 dollars worth of games, so I’d say he definitely does.

56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?I never played that game, but I remember quality video compilations of that.

58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?Answered!

60. Do you know the Konami Code?It’s like a bunch of directional buttons, but idk which ones.

62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?I bought a gosh darn PS3 like 10 years ago because I thought KH3 was going to come out for that. Now here with are the PS4 pro and KH3 will be out in a year.

64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?I have! Or I mean it was a family TV anyways, but I sneakily snuck in a question or two about gaming quality and the guy hooked me up.

66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?No. I didn’t have a legit cellphone until after high school.

68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?LOL no I’m so bad at those, I spend all my tickets immediately on the dumbest thing I can find like those finger traps.

70. Very first game you ever beat? I want to say Fable. As a kid I didn’t know what a memory card was and sort of assumed you had to start over every single time.

Hey @emoqueee!!! I’m your dgm secret santa!

@dgmsecretsanta2k17

Prompts: "subtle yullen fluff writing omg. But also just a cute portrait of a single character would also be nice (i know this is the number one spot i dont mind either!) "2 characters interacting!"

I think I managed both subtle yullen and fluff?? I don’t know. I’m too tired to tell right now. Also, I hope you like dogs. Because I gave them a dog.

Allen was sitting on the back porch of Komui and Lenalee’s house, and watching Kanda garden while an enormous puppy tried to “help”, and for the first time in a while Allen was truly content.

The sun was shining brightly golden in a sunset glow. It made the scene feel like something from a fairy tale, if fairy tale characters were in the habit of swearing loudly and viciously as they tried to stop a dog almost as big as them from destroying all the plants. Despite his language, Kanda was gentle as he repeatedly pulled the puppy away from whatever destruction she was wreaking.

It wasn’t long before he gave up and turned to Allen, who was watching them with a wide, stretching grin. ‘Your dog is a menace, beansprout. Take her away before I kill you for bringing her here.’

Allen waved his hand lazily. ‘You don’t mean that,’ he said. ‘And Muffin’s just trying to be helpful. You might as well let her.’

Muffin’s tail thumped against the ground when she heard her name.

‘Maybe her “help” is useful for someone you, you one-armed bastard, but these vegetables are supposed to be used for our food, not some mongrel’s playground.’ Kanda was glaring at Allen, but while he restrained Muffin it was also possible to see that he was trying to sneakily pet her.

It was cute to see someone as grumpy as Kanda being a dog person. It made Allen want to laugh at him, and leave her there because it was obvious neither dog nor grump truly hated it. But...

Food. He could not let her ruin the food. Allen stood up so suddenly that he felt a little dizzy. ‘Muffin!’ he called, holding out his hand. She perked up immediately, and bounded out of Kanda’s arms, her tongue lolling out into a sweet doggy grin. She was smart enough to realise that knocking into people was bad, so she slowed down just before crashing into him, and tried to wash his face in her excitement instead. The drool got everywhere.

‘Even now after all this time, when you don’t even have your parasitic innocence making you have to eat so much, food is still the most important thing to you.’ Kanda followed behind her, rolling his eyes. Apparently being close to the dog was more important than fixing the vegetable garden.

‘That’s not true!’ Allen protested, wiping dog slobber off his face with his sleeve. ‘Money is important too! And my friends!’

‘So what? Food and money are more important than us?’ Kanda flopped down next to him and Muffin, somehow making his casual movements look graceful. His hair was let down and he wore a smirk as his expression. He looked beautiful in the lighting. It really was only the lighting that made Allen think that. Probably.

‘Oh? You consider yourself my friend, Kanda? That’s news to me.’ Allen was smirking too, only stopping to pop a sweet into his mouth from the open bag he had on his other side.

‘Fuck you,’ was Kanda’s only reply. He leant back on both hands and stared up at the sky above their heads and he smiled just a little when Muffin dropped down and rested her snout on his lap, watching him imploringly with her big dark eyes.

Allen was close to popping another sweet in his mouth when Kanda smiled, and he froze instead, his hand with the sweet just centimetres from his mouth.

‘What are you doing?’ Kanda frowned when he noticed Allen staring at him.

Allen tore his gaze away and went back to munching, saying nothing.

‘The beansprout’s being weird,’ Kanda told Muffin, his voice gravely serious. ‘I’m sorry you have such a weird owner.’

Muffin let out a whine in response and snuggled closer to him.

‘Even after all this time, you can’t be bothered calling my by name.’

‘That’s because beansprout suits you better, beansprout.’

Allen wanted to punch Kanda for that, but didn’t for fear of dislodging or upsetting Muffin, so he settled on petting her instead. She was covered in dirt from playing in the garden, and Allen’s hand came away dirty. She wasn’t so dirty as to need a bath, so Allen decided that he would steal Kanda’s hairbrush and to brush it all out.

‘Where’d you even find her?’ Kanda wondered.

‘Ah.’ Allen frowned and didn’t look at Kanda. ‘I’ve said before that I tried joining a circus again for a bit, right?’

‘Huh? Yeah. Were they stupid enough there to mistake her for a circus elephant or something?’

‘I don’t think anyone would be that stupid,’ Allen said drily. ‘But no, she was the ringmaster’s dog. He didn’t treat her very well though, and…’ Allen shrugged his shoulders, and tried to keep any emotion leaking out from his voice. ‘It reminded me of when I was a child. Of the original Allen, and everything else too.’ Even now Allen didn’t like to talk about back then.

As if sensing some distress, Muffin stood up and licked his face. Her nose was wet and cold against his cheek and she ended up getting some of his hair in her mouth.

Allen scratched her gently behind her ears, and laughed. It was half genuine.

Kanda was watching them, looking even more annoyed than usual, but it wasn’t Allen or Muffin he was annoyed at. ‘I hope you punched him.’

‘Of course!’ Allen said, indignant. ‘He was a bastard. He even told me that I should be a part of a freak show instead of a clown because I only had one arm. And then I stole his dog.’ He smiled at Muffin who sat on him in response. Being a very giant newfoundland dog, she was very heavy, and her great big paws dug in hard.

Allen had trouble pushing her off with one hand, but Kanda came to the rescue and distracted her with one of the dog toys that had been left everywhere around the entire place in the few days that Allen had come to stay with the Lee siblings.

‘Pathetic, beansprout, and you used to call yourself an exorcist.’ Kanda didn’t look at him, too busy starting a game of tug of war with Muffin, who boofed happily.

‘Hey! I haven’t been an exorcist for years now! You try doing everything one handed.’

‘I have lost an arm before, if you don’t remember.’ Kanda’s face screwed up in concentration as Muffin tried to pull his arms out of their sockets.

‘Oh,’ said Allen, who had forgot. ‘Sorry.’

‘Whatever. So what are you going to do now, join yet another circus?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Then stay here.’

‘What?’

‘I said stay here,’ said Kanda, finally retrieving the toy and throwing it for Muffin to chase after. ‘Lenalee misses you whenever you leave, and it’s not like you ever look all that happy about what you do when you’re gone.’

Kanda was sort of right, but Allen didn’t want to admit that. ‘You’re sure you’re not the one missing me instead of Lenalee?’

‘What?’ Kanda’s eyes went wide, and his face was all confused and surprised and maybe angry and a bunch of other words Allen didn’t bother with right then. ‘Why would I…? Who the hell would miss you, beansprout?’

‘As you just said before, Lenalee. Oh, and also you. You’re not very in touch with your feelings, you know that, Kanda?’

Kanda grabbed Allen by his shirt, and Allen might be worried right then if Kanda still had his mugen. Luckily, he didn’t, so Allen grinned mockingly at him instead.

Kanda gritted his teeth and was about to say something, to turn their talk into a proper argument, when Muffin returned, bounding up the stairs and shoving herself between their bodies.

She whined pitifully and stared at them. Don’t fight, her big dark eyes seemed to say.

‘Okay,’ Allen said after a moment. ‘No fighting. Got it.’

‘I suppose I can stop myself from cutting the beansprout’s head off if it keeps Muffin happy,’ Kanda agreed.

‘What was that, bastard?’

‘Fuck off,’ Kanda replied. ‘And don’t think I didn’t notice that you ignored the second part of what I said.’

Allen wondered if dinner would be ready soon.

‘Hey. Don’t ignore me.’

Allen wondered what there would be for pudding.

‘Hey, Muffin. Do you think your owner died? I think you should bite him to check.’

‘Kanda! Don’t be such a bad influence!’ Allen slung his arm around Muffin’s neck and told her not to listen to a thing Kanda said, because it was all rubbish, okay? Muffin just panted contentedly.

‘So you were listening,’ Kanda said.

‘Shut up.’

‘Then tell me why you always leave even though it always makes you miserable. It’s not like you have to, idiot.’

‘Fuck off,’ Allen muttered.

‘Allen.’

Kanda’s voice shocked Allen. Hearing his name in Kanda’s voice shocked Allen. It made him shudder. He was a little bit relieved then, that Kanda almost never used it. Because it would be weird if he reacted like he did then every time it was used.

It also showed how serious he was.

‘Are you going to punch me if I don’t say anything?’ Allen asked dully, keeping his attention focused entirely on playing with Muffin’s shaggy black fur.

‘So you do have a brain.’ Kanda leant against the porch railing, and he watched him, his eyes level and never looking away. The sensation of being watched was strong and impossible to ignore.

Allen fidgeted, silent still before giving up.

‘Is there really a place for me here?’ Allen asked in a small voice.

‘You seriously have to ask that?’ Kanda stared. But it was a different stare than before. Like he was just baffled more than anything. Oh. That was probably exactly what he was feeling.

Allen fidgeted, uncomfortable.

Kanda’s confusion lasted a few moments more before he rolled his eyes and made that irritated ‘tch’ noise he sometimes did. ‘There’s already way too many people staying here and they all love you for some reason. There’s no way they wouldn’t want you here.’

There was silence while Allen digested those words. Then he started talking again, ‘I feel like I can’t stay still. Like I have to be out there doing something. But I can’t be an exorcist any longer, and for so long that was my reason to keep living. I don’t know what to do anymore.’ It was a small relief to say that out loud.

‘Why do you have to do anything?’

‘Never stop walking,’ Allen said. ‘Keep moving forward.’ He shook his head. ‘Even now I don’t want to abandon those words.’

‘Then stay here while you figure out what to do next, idiot.’ Kanda spoke like what he was saying was completely obvious. And maybe it was.

‘Huh?’

‘It’s not like you have to be moving around to actually do anything. And besides, after all that time we spent fighting, it’s all right to take a break, for a while at least.’ Kanda was staring at the horizon, where the sun was disappearing.

‘Do you want me to stay, Kanda?’

‘Everyone wants you to fucking stay, beansprout. Even Lavi misses you whenever he turns up.’ Kanda wasn’t looking Allen in the eyes now, and it irritated him.

‘No. Do you want me stay?’

Kanda said nothing, uncomfortably looking anywhere but at Allen.

‘If you tell me you want me to stay, then I will, for a while at least.’ Allen said it seriously. A break… time to relax, and laugh with friends… it sounded nice.

‘Stay,’ Kanda finally said, after a minute or two, his voice quiet.

‘What? Kanda, you might have to repeat that. I didn’t hear you.’

‘What, are you deaf as well as annoying now?’ Kanda scowled at him.

Kanda was still grumbling when Allen stood up. Muffin cocked her head, confused as he moved. Allen sat again, but this time right next to Kanda, leaving no space between their bodies. Kanda was frowning, obviously confused by Allen’s actions, yet he didn’t move away when Allen leant his head on his shoulder. Muffin padded after him and curled her large body against their backs.

‘What are you doing, beansprout?’ Kanda asked, voice wary.

‘Nothing,’ said Allen. ‘I was just thinking that the sun sets so early these days, and that it might be nice to spend whatever time there is enjoying myself.’

Kanda sighed, and didn’t offer any reply. Instead he curled an arm around Allen, and that was enough of an answer itself. Dinner would be soon, food to be eaten, and friends happy to see him, but for now Allen was content to stay still.

Annual Writing Self Evaluation

I was tagged by a bunch of people to do this (and I think they’re all already tagged below?)

1. List of works published this year: 

Read Between the Blurry Lines

Take Me for a Spin

Customer Service (Tech Support Pt. 1)

Customer Relations (Tech Support Pt. 2)

Far Afield (Witch Harry Pt. 1)

Come and Kiss Me Like the First Time

Sun-Dappled

Make Him Want to Sin

Suited for You (Witch Harry Pt. 2)

Small Doses (Loving You It’s Explosive) (Small Doses Pt. 1)

If the Surface Begs You Home 

You Look So Wonderful in that Dress 

The Sunshine Stays 

We’ll Never Be Lonely in the Dark 

Quite Unconventional 

Waiting for Wonderful 

Lose Myself in Time 

All Alone on Christmas (Small Doses Pt. 2)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

I would probably say Small Doses because it’s my longest fic and I wasn’t sure I could carry a plot for that many words but it worked out well and people seem to like it!

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Probably Take Me for A Spin. It’s canon compliant and has Stunty McStunterson (D*nielle) in it, which couldn’t be avoided, but reading it back was more uncomfortable than anything else I’ve written. Parts of it were also some of the first pieces of fic I ever wrote (along with bits of Lose Myself in Time).

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

The sea lavender swirled around a few times following the path Harry’s hand cut for it through the bath. The skin of his hand began to break out in blue and green splotches before he lifted it out of the water once more.

Deciding it was better to be in the water than out, no matter how warm it was, Harry lifted himself out of his hunch, sparing a moment to stretch out the twinge in his lower back. Gingerly, he lifted one foot over the side of the tub. It wasn’t so bad after all, he mused.

When he finally sank all the way down into the water - well, up to his collarbone at least - he forced himself to keep his eyes open, if only for a moment. He watched as the light tingle began in his toes; the scales always began to form at his ankles, wrapping his feet together. From there, the diaphanous material of his fin extended out away from him. The rest of his tail formed slowly, climbing up his human legs. He began to lose the feeling of having control over two entities. He was finally whole again. (If the Surface Begs You Home)

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

I don’t think I can share the whole thing, but the incomparable @sweariwouldnt wrote me THE MOST AMAZING comment on the mpreg pinch hit I wrote for her called The Sunshine Stays. Funny story, I wasn’t going to take a pinch hit, but then I found out it was for her and she is THE LOVELIEST PERSON so when I found out they were her prompts I said I would do it. And I love that fic (and it seems other people do too, it very sneakily became one of my top fics).

Her comment was incredible, and she responded to things as she went. Writing that fic was so fun, and seeing the reaction was just as fun definitely!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Definitely in May/June. I started the first 15k of Small Doses and then didn’t write anything for almost two months.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

My scenes and characters constantly surprise me. I would say they actually surprised me most in something that I wrote this year, but is waiting to be published.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Immensely. I had only written two fics before this year and both were just in December last year, so I feel like I have grown leaps and bounds beyond my wildest dreams. Also I never expected to publish 18 (really 20) fics.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I would love to sink my teeth into a larger project next year. Once I finish the large project I’m already in the middle of trying.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Wordplay. First and foremost, I would not be anywhere without them: @lululawrence @londonfoginacup @dinosaursmate @a-writerwrites @afirethatcannotdie @allwaswell16 @taggiecb @phd-mama 

@@dimpled-halo @haloeverlasting @briannamarguerite @indiaalphawhiskey @suddenclarityharry @freetheankles @letsjustsee @casuallyhl @thekingisawoman @softgolfdaddy @sweariwouldnt @icanhazzalou @flamboyantommo @tommostummie @i-miss-my-bearents @katnap414 @harrygotthebee @jaerie @all-these-larrythings @horanstemporaryfix @juliusschmidt @thesexyasswoman @theficwritersblock

My friends are so fucking supportive it makes me want to cry. They’re so amazing. Like I said PLEASE tell me if I forgot someone.

I also want to give a shout out to people that always read and like my stuff on tumblr/AO3 - I recognize URLs that have liked/commented/reblogged before even if we don’t really talk and it’s so wonderful!!!!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Lots of things but by far the most personal fic to me was Lose Myself in Time. All of the surrounding circumstances were inspired by very very real life events.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Find a support system. If you don’t know anyone, start a writing gc and send the post out to bigger blogs to signal boost. Or join one when you see a sign up - the Wordplay challenge is how more than 10 people read my fics this year. You’ll find that when you make one friend they have other friends who are working on something else, and so on and so forth!

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

EVENTUALLY, I SWEAR ON ALL THAT IS HOLY I will finish the Johnnyswim AU. It’s been slow going, but it’s probably 85% finished.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

Everyone! Please do this and tag me, even if I didn’t tag you above!

Valentine Dreaming - Fanfic Exchange

​Written for: @mikayla-a-child Part of the Smosh Valentine's Day Fanfic Exchange - please note this account is not the person who wrote this fic. Check back within the next day for the author reveal. Title: Valentine Dreaming Pairing: Noah/Keith Rating: General Keywords: Love, Happiness, Friendship Content Warning: Mild Swearing Summary: Keith is clueless what to do for Valentine’s Day as it is not only a holiday celebrating love, but his partner Noah’s birthday. Keith is struggling until his subconscious answers his own question.

Oh, Valentine’s Day, a day where couples express their constant love for each other through showering them with gifts or a fancy meal, all shown publicly and on social media as the single folk cry at home alone in the dark and drown their sorrows in pints of ice cream. Except, this concept did not exist to ol’ Noah Andrew Grossman. No, to him, Valentine’s Day was not a national holiday, rather, his birthday. This idea made February 14th very difficult for Noah’s close comrade and beloved partner, Keith Leak Jr. Not only did little Keith have to worry about the fever of Valentine’s Day in trying to impress Noah, but rather make this day even more spectacular than it already should be. Keith had spent the entire last half of January trying to brainstorm ideas to surprise Noah, but he had ended with with the product of only a headache. Eventually, Keith decided to focus on something else, which was try to get Noah to slip something that he would want for his birthday. This thought however did not go to plan, as Noah said only “I’m cool with whatever man”. Leaving Keith even more frustrated than before, and soon, people started to notice. Keith was in the break room still trying to think of something while he was buying a soda from the office vending machine, when Courtney walked in. He looked up and said “hey Court,” then looked back down. When Keith’s soda dropped, Courtney went over to the machine and ordered a bottle of water. “Hey Keith,” she responded. Keith didn’t really feel like engaging in a conversation with Courtney at this very moment, so he began to walk out. “Yo Keith,” Courtney called out. Keith turned around to face her, “are you okay?” She asked with her eyebrows raised and a concerned look in her eye. Keith pondered her words for a moment. Physically, yes he was okay, but on the inside, the stress was killing him. He eventually decided to go with “yeah, I’m good,” and then walked out. It was nearly a week until the big day, and Keith was still clueless on what to do, but with being quite an introvert, was keeping this issue to himself, as he didn’t want the entire office knowing he was in dire need of help. Keith was on his way to work, of course riding in his stylish chariot of an Uber. All night and morning he had been trying to send a text to Noah in order to try and bring up Valentine’s Day again, but his mind was just filled with static. He put his phone down, leaned his head against the headrest and closed his eyes, trying to get his subconscious to tell him an answer. …

Keith had no idea where he was. Wherever he was, it was incredibly dark. He tried to feel around for something, a light switch preferably, or even a chair or table would do. All of a sudden, the room slowly began to light up, almost like how stage lights would, but even with the added lighting Keith still couldn’t pinpoint where he was, except,had this stage feeling… A feeling of almost… Déjà vu. The room seemed to give off a vibe like a movie set. He found himself standing in a hallway with multiple chairs and benches lining the walls, all leading to a door with a sign that read “Auditions”. Keith looked down the hallway that seemed to go to nowhere, and then back at the door. All of a sudden, the door opened, and what walked out made Keith realize where he was instantly. Out walked a young Noah and Keith. Keith realized that he was in the same place where he first met his best friend, the place where he auditioned for Smosh. Keith could only stare at the sight before him. He could barely comprehend how young Noah looked. He was a few inches shorter and his hair was its natural color. He also wasn’t wearing a hideous outfit paired with even more horrendous shoes. It made Noah seem so much more youthful. Reliving the joyful memory of meeting one of the biggest influences in his life caused tears to brim his eyes and a smile to his face. He couldn’t help but think of everything he loved about Noah. His caring but honest personality. His wonderful smile and laugh. Hell, even his horrible taste in fashion… Keith watched as his younger self along with Noah walked down the hallway and faded into the darkness… … Keith was awoken from his brief dream by the driver shaking his knee telling him that they had arrived at the Smosh Offices. Keith subtly thanked the driver and paid him, before hopping out of the car. The Uber sped off down the bustling morning street, and Keith walked into the shiny building which held the job he loved. As Keith was walking through the lobby of the offices, he managed to run into the last person he wanted to run into, Noah. “Yo, Keith good morning man,” Noah said as he embraced Keith. Keith lightly hugged the taller man back, and they walked to the elevator together. Noah pressed the button for the second floor, and the elevator began its ascend. Neither of them were really the chatty type as the elevator ride was filled with silence, but this silence carried an aura of awkwardness and tension, at least from Keith’s perspective. He sneakily glanced over at Noah who had remnants of a smile across his face, as if he was thinking about something that made him happy. “Well, that’s either a really good sign, or a really bad one.” Keith thought to himself. “Shit, I’m just overthinking.” Keith mentally slapped himself for being so overly analytical. The elevator stopped and the doors slid open, allowing Keith and Noah to step out. “I’ll see you later man,” Noah said as he waved back to Keith and then walked in the opposite direction that he had planned to go towards the break room. Keith then began his walk towards his office at the other end of the hallway. In all honesty, Keith was happy that him and Noah had separated. He didn’t feel like talking to Noah at the moment, as the dream he had in the Uber ride crossed his mind. The dream had left Keith in a state of confusion, because why would he dream about meeting Noah? If anything, he would most likely just dream about a conversation he had with Noah at some point, or even an argument they had. Keith thought at least that the dream could offer some insight to his ever escalating problem at the moment. Wait… Keith stopped dead in his tracks. It hit him. He knows why he had that dream, and even more importantly, what to do for Valentine’s Day/Noah’s birthday. The dream represented the first time they met, which was the beginning of the happiest Keith has ever been. Keith had wanted to do something special and meaningful for Noah’s birthday, except Noah said that he wanted something chill. Keith finally had a long wanted answer to his dilemma… …

Keith had told Noah to meet him at 7pm sharp at the Smosh Offices in the Lobby. Keith was dressed in a casual outfit as this was supposed to be just a casual date, at least according to Noah. He paced around the lobby chewing his lip and refreshing his Instagram waiting for Noah to show up. After what felt like an eternity, at 6:58pm Keith heard the slam of a car door then presumably that same car speeding away. He watched as a blurry silhouette of tall man walked to the lobby doors and pulled them open, revealing a smiling Noah Grossman dressed in one of his trademark hideous outfits. “Okay, showtime,” Keith thought to himself. “Keith!” Noah quick walked to Keith and brought him in for a tight hug. The pair stayed like that for a few Mississippis, then pulled apart. Keith grasped Noah by his biceps then spoke, “Okay, I have a surprise here for you, but,” Keith broke off and reached into his back pocket and pulled out a red bandana. “You’re going to need to wear this over your eyes.” Noah smirked at Keith with a look of suspicion and hesitation, but Keith smiled at him lovingly, “c’mon trust me.” Noah sighed, “okay.” Keith walked behind Noah and wrapped the bandana around his eyes and tied it tight. Keith walked back to face Noah, and waved his hand in front of Noah’s face, making sure that Noah couldn’t see at all. Keith grabbed Noah’s hand and interlaced his fingers, “follow me.” He led Noah to the elevator, and pressed a button, still holding his hand. Keith squeezed Noah’s hand as reassurance. The elevator came to a stop, and Keith continued to lead Noah in and out of hallways, trying to reach their destination. Soon, (after what seemed like an eternity to Keith) they together came to a stop. Keith let go of Noah’s hand, and then undid his blindfold. What lied in front of Noah, was something so simple, but yet so beautiful. A tiny round table with only two chairs and a single lit candle in the center stood in the middle of the hallway. Plates filled with pasta with butter and chicken were set in front of each of the chairs.It took Noah a moment to realize where he was, but once he did, Keith could see the tears brimming his eyes. “Keith… Is… Is this?” Noah choked out. “It is. This is the hallway where we met after our Smosh auditions. The hallway where I realized I was in love with you.” Keith said grasping Noah’s hands and looking deeply into his green eyes. Noah was smiling as a tear of joy cascaded down his face. Keith wiped away the tear with his thumb and held onto Noah’s face. Noah leaned into his warm touch, as Keith leaned in for a kiss. The kiss was sweet and tender, showing how much the two men loved each other. The pair pulled apart, allowing them to look into each other’s eyes once again. Keith smiled, “happy birthday Noah.”