#This meme is talking about people who don't know that you're dissociating | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

orange-orchard-system · 3 months

Text

Got a hate ask on my other blog (funnier-as-a-system) today. I'm not gonna respond to it directly, but I'm gonna go over it fully just as an example of why I don't take anti-endos or sysmeds seriously and find them to be just bullying assholes who don't know what they're talking about. Apologies for the rare discourse post, but I felt it would be useful to have a personal example I can point to if I ever get any more asks than I already have about why I block anti-endos and sysmeds and don't want them on my blogs.

[ID: A screenshot of an anonymous ask, which reads: ""Systems" aren't real. Please stop being ableist against people with DID and our struggles. Pretending to be one of us while simultaneously mocking us makes you look like a piece of shit. Also, DID isn't fucking funny, you're just cruel and ableist. Go see a psychiatrist, get your personality disorders and Munchausens taken care of, and stop pretending to have DID when you don't. We don't need you, our community is better off without teenagers faking DID as a meme. To be honest, I wish you and literally everyone like you were more likely to kill yourself as someone with a real mental illness, because you don't deserve to be alive if this is what you're doing with your life. You're just a delusional bully and neo-nazi" ./ end ID]

Starting from the top, apparently anyone with DID who's ever described themselves as a system is faking now. Nevermind that it's been a term in psychology and the community for decades now! All systems are fake!

I have DID. I've said as much many times. Not that I think this person would consider this a counterargument, but I feel it deserves restating considering a fair amount of my posts are specifically about my DID and managing the symptoms of it.

If I want to find humor in my own disorder, I'm going to. I'm not going to resign myself to misery and self-hate just to please some randos on the Internet. I crawled my way out of the pit of self-hate and am not just gonna jump in there again just to avoid a couple asks and assholes. And I'd make a point here about systems that don't come from trauma or aren't disordered, but what's the point of that when they think literally all systems are fake?

Ohoho! Disableism towards other mental disorders! Isn't the irony sweet?

Not to toot my own horn, but I just love the lack of awareness when it comes to "we don't need you." No, I guess you don't need me... but you'll be going without the work I've done both online and offline to teach people about dissociation and plurality. Not to mention the terms I've coined that make people feel seen, the experiences I've talked about that make people feel less alone, the building of spaces to let others talk about their own problems and experiences, and the general promotion I've done of plural representation in media. No, you don't need me, but I've been doing work to assist the DID and wider plural communities for years now. And what have you been doing? Sending hate asks to people with DID for being too happy?

I'm an adult. I've mentioned before that I go to university and have a job. Seems like even online, I can't escape the assumption that I'm a teenager, smh. Also, I'm much more worried about the teenagers you might be sending this to than any kind of unquantifiable harm a couple teenagers faking DID could do, considering how clearly you wish to do harm with your words. Especially considering the next few sentences...

Oh, so we're just moving onto blatant suicide baiting and admitting you want systems to die. Got it. Totally not a bigot, right.

Wait... "Real mental illnesses"? Didn't you just accuse me of having several earlier? Or do personality disorders and Munchausen Syndrome not count? (Also, do they think being suicidal is a requirement to be mentally ill? They know not all disorders or presentations of disorders involve suicidality, right?)

Well, you got the delusional part right (which, side note, do you think it's impossible for people to have both DID and psychosis? Big yikes even if no, but that's what these asks always seem to imply), but I think this post might be the closest anyone can call "bullying", considering I'm not giving you an opportunity to respond as I tear down your argument. But maybe the definition of peer abuse changed to *checks notes* running a blog talking about plurality in a positive manner since I last checked.

These people do know what a Neo-Nazi is, right? They know what a Nazi is? Because it feels like people just use it as a stand-in for "general asshole" when it means a specific sort of ideology and bigotry. Ironic that they'd be so pissed about "mockery" and treating serious topics "as a meme", but then they go and misuse a term for a very dangerous kind of ideology and person.

Alright, I think I got that out of my system. Please be careful out there, guys! It feels like the number of hate asks I've seen people get has been going up. I'm in a stable enough place to make a demonstration out of this, but don't push yourself to have a snappy comeback or write essays responding to these assholes if you don't think you're up for it. Hell, I rarely write things like this myself, I just chose this ask to respond to because it was such a clear example of how hypocritical and foolish this particular brand of assholes is that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to break it down.

#syscourse #disableism #front soup.txt #suicide baiting

50 notes · View notes

moonlit-positivity · 5 days

Text

Actively suicidal vs passively suicidal

Actively suicidal:

Panicked

Head swirling

Anxious

Heart beating fast

Plan in place

Writing suicide notes

Making wills for your possessions

Planning out backup methods

Researching methods

Looking for reasons to stay alive

Fear

Crying

Anxiety

Feeling hopeless

Not knowing who to call or where to go

Knives & other tools in hand

Threatening to do it

Car accidents/ drunk driving

Screaming

Calling police/ threatening suicide by cop

Involuntary commitment/psych ward hospitalizations

Feeling like there's no other choice

Feeling like nobody cares

Feeling like you're better off dead

Trauma & traumatic memories

Panic attacks

Passively suicidal:

Joking & making memes about suicide, dark humor

Self destruction like smoking cigarettes in hopes that it will slowly kill you someday

Drugs & alcohol to numb the pain

Hygiene goes to shit bc you just don't give a fuck anymore

Self sabotage & negative, abusive self talk

Self harm

Isolating

Ghosting all your friends

Eating disorders

Purposely using social media to be a jackass

Purposely using fictional characters to vent about your life

Writing fanfic about what you're going through

Disrupted sleep patterns

Angry outbursts, throwing things, repressed anger issues

Hiding behind humor, memes, jokes, sarcasm, to be the funny friend so no one thinks you're suffering

Giving support to everyone else around you bc you're nice like that but also bc you wish someone would do the same for you

Taking on too much responsibilities that don't belong to you

Falling into cycles of fawning & people pleasing and then crashing with extreme rage bc you're not being listened to or taken seriously by those around you

Developing toxic & maladaptive behaviors

Purposely neglecting health

Angry all the time

Ill tempered, bad moods, mood swings, unprocessed trauma

Dissociation ie feeling too numb

Staying in bed for prolonged periods of time

Feeling hopeless

Feeling trapped

Feeling like there's no way out

Feeling stuck

Feeling like no one cares

Not knowing where to go or how to bring it up

Not knowing if you're even valid to feel that way

The one thing in common is the intense overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, the lack of awareness, and the lack community support- because nobody ever talks about it unless you're actively seeking help.

Let's do better.

Let's open up dialogue for how to recognize, help, and better cope with the silent suffering that many of us know.

You don't have to be actively reaching for the knife in order to be suicidal.

There are so many signs that go unnoticed and overlooked, that can be caught by a simple act of connection.

"Hey, I've noticed you've been distant lately. What's on your mind?"

The problem with society is that we are too pain averse. "People complain too much! You're stuck in your head! Victim mentality! Too negative!"

In reality, allowing someone to express themselves is the best act of humanity we can allow.

Their suffering is not your responsibility. There's a difference in providing support to someone vs caretaking their depression. You cannot do the work for someone else. Draw yourself some boundaries to what you're willing to do vs what you feel is too much to help out.

But you can still listen and acknowledge that the pain is there. You can also check your own bias on this topic. Are you perpetuating harmful stereotypes against mental health and supporting loved ones during a depressive episode? Are you the type of person one can feel safe to express opinions openly and confidently with? Without needing to judge, control, give advice, or force your own opinions over someone else's autonomy and right to live their own life? It can help to adjust your expectations of what "giving support" can look like. Ask the person what they need & how you can help. You cannot "fix" another human being. We are not robots like that. All we need is patience, kindness, and a safe place to vent. Can you do that for someone?

That's all you need to do.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #healing thoughts #suicide awareness #depression #bpd #self harm #self hate #self sabotage #self care #advocacy #awareness

2 notes · View notes

spiltcandycoatedpunkblood · 1 year

Text

Hey!!! I'm Evan, a 29 year old white queer Australian who (unfortunately) lives in the UK.

I'm queer, aspec, gay, polyam and a trans man.

My pronouns are:

he/him/his/himself

xe/xem/xyr/xemself (pronounced zee/zem/zir/zemself)

ae/aev/aev/aevself (pronounced e/eve/eve/eveself)

Please mix and match them, thanks.

I am a trauma survivor who is ND, mentally ill & chronically ill; I have AuADHD, ocd, depression, anxiety (social and general), addiction, agoraphobia, trust issues, abandonment issues, dissociative traits, cptsd & coeliac disease. I heavily use music to cope with my multiple disorders and regard my headphones and Spotify as disability aids.

This is what I look like.

Special interest(s): Tintin, Doctor Who & guinea pigs.

Current hyperfixation(s): Sanders Sides (Thomas Sanders).

I post about stuff like:

queer issues

social issues in general

selfies, vents and general life updates

a lot about the adventures of tintin (mainly the 2011 film)

memes

neurodivergent and mentally ill issues

occasionally cute animals with absolute favourites of mine like cats and guinea pigs (and small mammals in general, but mainly guinea pigs)

my fanfiction from ao3 under kivancalcite

my favourite music (feel free to talk about music with me)

my fictional male crushes, usually villains

occasional media and film analysis that may devolve into passionate rants

What I don't tolerate whatsoever and will block you on sight as a result:

the basic dni criteria (racist, misogynistic, antisemitic, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, classist, xenophobic, fatphobic attitudes)

claiming that 'narcissistic abuse' is a real thing and believing that having a personality disorder inherently makes you a terrible person

abuse apologism and victim blaming

defending people like d*pp and spacey and other abusers/paedophiles/rapists

defending the british monarchy

being a fucking tory and/or brexiteer (let's be honest, you're usually both)

defending justice system institutions such as the police force (acab)

defending the military, its propaganda, and insidious recruitment techniques

being a paedophile/map/pear, whatever the fuck you like to call yourselves

being a terf/radfem/gender critical/transmedicalist

being a nazi/neo-nazi/white supremacist/proud boy/anything to fucking do with fascist ideologies

supporting putin's attack on the ukraine and the idea that we should stop supporting and funding ukraine

supporting israel over palestine and ignoring the media silence and suppression of the atrocities against the latter

supporting ukraine's efforts but not palestine's

defending the capitalist system

in turn, also defending communist regimes and shouting down survivors of them and their atrocities

being a genocide denier

being a pro-life/anti-choicer (from a pro-choice and pro-abortion person)

being a proshipper and trying to justify paedophilic, racist and incestuous ships

being into true crime that romanticises and sexualises actual murderers and serial killers and dismisses the actual victims and their families

being someone who actively profits off of others' trauma and abuse for entertainment

I also have my trauma/mental illness/abuse blog that is more specifically about those things I have experienced and continue to experience, which is @traumacodedtransbitch, which can be far more triggering and violent just so you know.

#personal #pinned post #about me #info #come here and watch me go rabid about a bunch of things i like and switch between stuff a lot #welcome to my brain #queer #LGBTQIA+#trauma #abuse tw #mental illness #dnis #vent #rant #please like if seen and read

28 notes · View notes

impunkster-syndrome · 7 months

Note

hi wait

I wrote out all the stuff I remember about pluralhub's cult-like behaviors

if you're comfy with it can you PLEASE elaborate because while i sort of just. joined and then let it sit in my serverslist, id like to leave immediately if theres shit like THAT going on there

thank you regardless of whether you end up elaborating or not!

It was mostly me doing this for a server I am on that is not affiliated. I recognized a few members from The Garden and we started talking about it.

I want to add as a disclaimer that many groups will have these traits to a lesser degree. What matters is the impact and reason for doing so. I do think that people do not always set out to create controlling groups, but they can become harmful over time.

I took all criteria from this link right here, so refer to that as I go down the list.

Using this to take a look at pluralhub, and here's what I see:

Behavior control-

12 - Which I think is fair to say is pretty common with how for example the theory of structural dissociation was immediately considered "not how systems work" when it may apply for some because of the guy behind it. In that environment, it was really a "You have to believe the same as everyone else" kind of thing.

13 - Really applies to the "All anti-endos are inherently malicious and out to get you" mentality. This lead to stuff like people who even were friendly to anti-endos getting regarded with scorn.

Information control-

1 - Since a lot of resources were misrepresented and even criticism was intentionally misrepresented. Stereotyping of DID and how much amnesia and what types were enough to count.

2 - Is a big one. There were a handful of known resources widely shared and people were often discouraged from other perspectives. SophieInWonderland was a big blog that was circulated that did often misrepresent critics as well.

4 - With how people are known to get banned for stuff in non-partnered servers.

5 - See one as well, sort of had a "Approved information" thing unofficially. It'd be the same reasons every time. The Harvard thoughtform study, the single bhuddist who said they don't find it appropriative, etc. The anti-endo who pointed out that "tulpa" language is culturally appropriative was discredited for being anti-endo and the points were never truly engaged with in a non-defensive way in the wider plural community as well.

6 - With sources and system information being used against people, like "problematic" fictives, the BeeFox situation (That one is a lot more complex but should have been handled better and not as public from what I know of it), the encouragement of spying and reporting non-hub activity to the hub for bans.

Thought control-

1 - In most spaces you have to prove you're good enough for hub rules and they at times require external socials as proof. The forms for verification can be intrusive.

2 - For things like pressuring "problematic" introjects to change or disavow their source, as well as anyone with memory barriers or amnesia being pushed to get a diagnosis despite the ableism that can come with that

3 - A lot of stereotyping to stop complex conversations, like how common DID stereotyping was.

4 - Questioning -genic stances frequently got you outcasted or sort of unofficially watched.

5 - I sort of count it? Encouraging of introjects of other server members, how quick people would hand over thoughtform resources, the meme that kept giving people new headmates by being an infohazard

6 - Staff are known to lie and misrepresent situations that make the hub look bad, Grey Skies' history of trying to shut down any criticism of the hub itself and the community

8 - Anything critical of the hub was mocked or ignored

9 - Same as 8

10 - Major problem with this and anti-endos. Anti-endos were made out to be either stupid or inherently in the wrong due to their stance, so any points were discarded as "Oh they're anti-endo." The community very frequently poisons the well to try to discredit anyone with different information or stances.

11 - Sort of? it was very centric on "we don't know much about the brain so anything can happen" and I do count that as being able to alter that perception.

Emotional control-

1 - Yes, so often. Any idea of "This person in-sys is causing too much harm and dormancy is not enough" is seen as bad as outerworld murder or if someone chooses to not exist anymore that is a bad thing.

3 - Problems with server atmosphere are always blamed on members

4 - Mostly in situations like 1 but also for not agreeing with server staff, not rejecting a "problematic" source, etc

5 - The "Anyone who is anti-endo is out to get you" idea, the spying, and how you would get cut off from all hub friends if you got banned and most will likely not contact you

6 - Actually happened with us multiple times, usually when someone's system doesn't function like other systems "should" or when questioning the norm

8 - You will lose all your friends and connections in the hub and for a while you were out of the plural community entirely due to how small syscord is. For the start, PH was the first known big hub with no competition until Multiplicity Database came around.

The Garden and high control of the hub in general practically traumatized us into not remembering that.

#the blackbox askbox #pluralgang #pluralpunk

3 notes · View notes

ordinary-eternalmachinery · 10 months

Text

But, it's just so easy to think you're broken & evil

I dunno, it's- It's like

[...]

It's just, I didn't even know I was fucked up!

I didn't even know what I was going through

Until like, a year ago

And now it's everything

This place is designed to kill us and make us think it's our fault

"Do you feel grounded in your body?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you feel like you inhabit it?"

"Ah. No. Barely."

"Well then, where are you if not in your body?"

"Up here." I point at my head.

"Ok. Well, tell me about it."

"Ok, so, I think I know what happened. I've been reading about this for the past seven years, and I think at the start I didn't have the language to understand it, but ever since coming out..."

"Nuh-uh! You're doing it again."

"..."

"You're up there again. Remember, you can't reason your way out of this."

"..."

"Tell me how this feels."

"..."

"I don't... inhabit... my body. I live up here on the top floor."

"Go on."

"My consciousness is a cat who jumped on top on the shelf and refuses to come down."

"Why did the cat get up there in the first place?"

"The floor is lava, I guess", I scoff, trying to get a laugh out of her.

"It's not safe down there," she rephrases, pretending the meme reference flew right over her head.

dissociative state - - -

I've heard people can lose the stimulus of hunger. I've read of this girl who had a really bad indigestion when she was a child, puked her heart out, and was so traumatized by it she just stopped feeling hungry. The body adapts, I guess.

"I just..."

"..."

"I feel like there is a - loose wire somewhere in my body - and there - I've had a lot of loose wires this past decade, and I figured it could be the SSRIs or the stress or sure enough the fact I was dating a man I didn't even fucking like-"

I hate being serious about this shit. It's bleak. I want to crack a joke and I want her to laugh at it.

"I've tied up all the wires, Anne! I haven't been suicidal since coming out!"

My voice is about to crack.

"This is the happiest I have ever been and I'm just waiting for this last piece to fall into place and it hasn't a-a-and I don't understand what it's going to take for me to..."

She's asking me if I recall how it used to feel. The words come out of my mouth but I don't want to hear myself say them.

I remember drowning. The cat climbed on top of the shelf because of rising water. My body stayed there.

She's talking to me. I tune back in.

"...describing all the symptoms of trauma. Do you still feel hopeless?"

"No, I feel angry."

"Who are you angry at?"

"At the patriarchy!" I snap, throwing my hands up in the air, "as melodramatic as that sounds."

"Tell me more."

"I don't know. I feel like the dam burst."

#one day ill write this all down #chapter 5: the flood

0 notes

traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

Note

Hi, I need to tell someone this, because it is in the middle of the night and everyone is sleeping.

I was writing with a man, for the last days, very intensely. Not in a romantic way, he is planning to move into my country, so we started with language practises and also argued about politics etc. He's 27 and I am 23. I live in a country which is not so hard on age gaps (compared to some comments I see from Americans) but I kinda didn't like that in the beginning. I feel very young, I have some issues with dissociations and maybe even DID so, maybe it comes from that. I often forget my age and think I am younger and when I am among peers, I feel misplaced. When I visited a highschool, because a friend needed to pick something up, and I was standing there during a break and watching the students, I thought "That's where I belong". Idk but maybe just everyone in their early 20s feels like that. I just didn't like the age gap, because I don't feel like a finished adult, but someone with 27 does. But we harmonised fairly good and it was fun writing with him. I was always surprised by how educated he was, and how many degrees he already has. And tbh (and that's were I might need help) I always quickly take someone into my heart. I am always very loyal and open. I know that such online relationships (in my experience) always end, at some point. But at least, it wasn't, because I didn't give it all. And I always think "It's no big deal, I am used to disappointments, and it is worth it, for me" but today for the first time I had the feeling, that it was something bad, that did more harm than good to myself. And that I should be more reserved. But tbh, I just need validation from others, maybe that's also a reason.

Okay, whatever, we argued about politics, and he knows a lot about my countries politics and argued a lot about it. And while I agreed with most of it, at some point I was just fed up, to read, how he always finds another flaw in the politicians, the government etc. I tried to lead him to another topic, which didn't work, so I said crystal clear "Done with the political arguments all the time, give me a break".

He didn't take it good and... idk if I overreact, I just hate angry people, because of my background, but he blamed me for being too sensitive, he can talk bad about his own countries politics 24/7 too etc. And that wormed me, because I think it was unfair.

He was also always very reserved about his private life, and never told anything, and when I told him that that's odd, he said "Well, first, I am actually 34, I just lied on my profile, to get recommended to a higher span of people, to learn the language."

And that really hurt me. Because you can restrict, of what ages people can start writing with you. And, with my traumatic background, I absolutely love this. And when I see someone, who states, he's 22, to get around the restrictions and in his bio he says "I am actually 34, lol" I report them. Bonus points, if all of their friends are 16 y.o. girls.

And I really really feel uncomfortable. I was childish, I made some young people/social media references and memes that were absolutely cringe, but I felt safe, because I assumed, there was someone with a, more or less, similar background on the other side.

And now I feel very hurt and ashamed, for being so childish. And I think I'll tell him, that I don't feel comfortable continuing our conversation, in the light of this new news.

I just needed to write this down, to see, if that is reasonable, or if I am just angry because he called me sensitive.

I hope you come to the same conclusion and don't judge me.

Have a nice day.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what happened. Please know that you are not childish for this and it's not your fault.

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts about this situation. It's understandable to feel hurt and uncomfortable after finding out that someone you've been talking to online has lied about their age. It's also understandable to feel conflicted about the age gap between you two, given your own feelings of youth and uncertainty about adulthood.

I just want to say that it's okay to set a boundary not to discuss politics, but I can understand that shutting him down in the moment may have set him off and made him call you sensitive, although his response was not okay. While it's okay to just say that you're done with the conversation and to give you a break, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, you could say something like "I know you feel very passionately about this and I respect that, but I need to step away from this conversation or change subject as it's starting to stress me out." Remember that you don't deserve to put up with someone who cannot respect your boundaries, even when it comes to discussion topics.

It's important to remember that you are not responsible for other people's actions or decisions. It's also important to prioritize your own feelings and boundaries in any relationship, whether it's online or in person. If you don't feel comfortable continuing the conversation with this person, it's okay to say so and set a boundary for yourself.

It may also be helpful to talk to someone you trust about your feelings and experiences in this situation, such as a friend, family member, or therapist. They can provide a supportive space for you to process your thoughts and emotions, and help you navigate any difficult decisions or conversations.

If you're feeling hurt and uncomfortable in this situation, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and do what you think is best for yourself. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect, and it's important to surround yourself with people who prioritize those values as well.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

1 note · View note

scroll-of-thought · 2 years

Note

Heyo! I have a couple questions about egregores.

1. How do you contact them?

2. Are my ocs egregores or do more people have to know about them for them to be egregores?

-@majesticwitchblog

Hi, I'm not sure how much I can help with this, because I don't have a lot of experience with egregores specifically. If you're talking about them in the traditional sense of angelic beings of Enochian magic, I don't know anything really, because that's never been something my path meandered towards.

From what I do understand about egregores, modern and traditional, I believe a key feature is that they have to be believed in by multiple people to intentionally create a being, or they're unconsciously created by multiple people with a common goal or ideal and the egregore embodies that.

At the same time, it seems like in most modern versions of an egregores can mean anything from a thoughtform or servitor, to a meme (not like an internet joke, but a thing that is proliferated in the minds of people memetically. Though it might also be an internet meme at the same time.) And in the latter, I'm not entirely sure those thing considered entities any more, or if people are just using the word "egregore" as a way to say "meme" in a fancy way.

So what I can tell you about is thoughtforms. At it's core, a thoughtform is a spirit you or someone else creates. That someone else might be another spirit or a deity, it doesn't have to be a living human person. There are many ways to create a thoughtform ranging from deep mediation, to rituals and repeated spells, to literally just believing in an imaginary friend hard enough and long enough that you start creating a soul for it out of your own will.

Thoughtforms are a whole wide branching concept in magic, and there's no way I could explain everything I understand about them in one post, let alone touch on the stuff I don't understand. I can give you some tips for researching and creating your own.

1. You'll probably see the term Tulpa a lot, and there's a lot of good information out there using this term, but also understand that pretty much every western person who uses this term is using it wrong in same way western people get chakra and karma wrong. People use it interchangeably, and really they shouldn't. Doesn't mean the information is less useful when they actually mean thoughtform.

2. Be ready to read some pretty out there stuff, because I've seen some people dabbling in thoughtforms post some wildly drug induced concepts. Some of it might be useful, but this is one of those things where you need to make a judgement call on how useful you think it will be to you personally.

3. At some point in recent history, psychology started using the term thoughtform to mean things like people deeply dissociating when they have dissociative identity disorder. Some other psychology studies use "thoughtform" in their studies about splitting your attention to see if the human brain can do stuff subconsciously, like a multithreaded brain. This makes researching magic confusing, so I suggest being specific with your searches and using terms related to what your looking for like "Thoughtform chaos magic" or "thoughtform occult".

Hopefully some of that is useful to you. If you've got followups, feel free to let me know. This is definitely a topic I'm a little rusty on, and like I said, I don't know much specifically about egregores, but I'm always happy to help however I can.

#ask #thoughtforms #egregore #chaos magic

8 notes · View notes

sleepy-shutin · 2 years

Note

hi! i think im going thru a self doubt stage rn. im in my 20s and after a traumatic event happened last year around may/june i started to hear voices and dissociate a lot. i already had issues recognizing myself in mirrors and i have no memory of my childhood. i had an instance of two significant voices speaking to me in hs when i also had a mental breakdown but then silence. i dont remember my hs years either except for that part. around may/june a lot of my friends started figuring out they were systems and since i shared so many symptoms like them i figured i am a system. i had a lot of activity a lot of people i interacted in my head until now. its been so quiet and now im doubting. i fear i may have hyperfixated on did/osdd to cope with the traumatic experience in may/june. my bpd is making things worse bc i bonded with the systems and now my doubt and my bpd are making me believe ill lose them all bc now i cant hear anything. im trying to see if there are any mental illnesses that could explain this. bc i have memories of stuff "i" did but i have no connection to. ik you are a rational person and can call out bs and i just want someone elses perspective on this that doesnt know me personally -p

i'll start by saying i'm not a professional and can't diagnose or un-diagnose someone with DID, so i'll give my advice for your situation and what helps me during periods like this, but i can't tell you if you have DID or not.

it's normal for quiet periods to happen even in DID. i've certainly had them, times where i was stable to the point that i haven't switched very often if at all, for days, weeks. one of those periods actually just ended for me as of a couple of days ago, where i started switching more again.

however, one of the best pieces of advice i can give to someone in a situation like yours is to take a step back from system spaces for a while. don't think about the possibility of having a system too much. keep a journal and try to journal as much as possible, but don't focus on who might be fronting or if you're experiencing passive influence, just exist. this is something that ends up showing me that i definitely still have DID in the end, and may help you figure out if you do or don't. take this time to not focus on DID and whether or not you have it, but just to focus on living your life instead, while keeping this journal to talk about your day. if you struggle with dissociative symptoms that make you feel numb or disconnected, or struggle with describing your emotions, you can always journal through the day instead of just once a day, and instead say something like "i went to the mall and i felt good". one thing we also like to do in our private discord server is use reaction images, custom emojis, memes, cursed images, whatever, as well as drawings, to show how we feel if we have trouble describing it in words.

having memories of stuff "you" did with no connection to it is a very normal thing for dissociation as a whole, not just DID. there's a whole category of dissociative disorders that could very well explain your symptoms if it's not DID. there's also the fact that BPD itself contains many similar dissociative symptoms to DID already.

i don't know what (you think) caused these voices to suddenly stop and quiet down, or what you've started/stopped doing that may be causing it, so i'll run through a few options.

if you're having a period that's not very stressful, it's normal to switch less or to have less activity from your system.

if you've experienced a huge stressful period and are calming down from that, this may also cause your system to be less active as one part may need to be in front while the others stay back and dissociative barriers increase.

if you're "frontstuck" it's normal to experience less of your system, or so i've heard.

if you've stopped interacting with system spaces as much and your system went quiet as a result, this may point to your system being socio/psychogenic in some form; i.e. you thought you had DID but it ended up not being that, but as a result of hanging out with a lot of systems/in a lot of system spaces as well as due to misinformation and misunderstanding of DID, you could have mistook normal symptoms of another dissociative disorder or BPD for DID instead.

it's also quite possible you're experiencing symptoms of DID and not noticing them because your perceptions of how DID works causes you to believe it's consistently more overt and hard-cut than it actually is. this is something i've done before as well, so if that's your case, it's likely the result of misinformation and misunderstanding of DID.

in short, it could be a lot of things; stress induced psychotic symptoms causing the hearing of voices that aren't there, a dissociative disorder, BPD, etc. i can't tell you what disorder you may have, but i hope these things can point you in the right direction here.

#-ask #-anon #advice

1 note · View note

whoreable-chaos · 2 years

Text

A FB WAR

Jakob: People know exactly what the fuck they are doing don't take their disrespect.

Jakob: Never give someone the chance to waste you're time twice.

TJ: Lion King GIF "Danger. HA! Walk on the wild side. I laugh in the face of danger. HA HA HA HA!

TJ: Life is a game with snakes on every level

TJ: I was so happy last week haha good times

TJ: I feel like I'm owed more than one apology at this point ^.^

TJ: Karma Do My Dirt - Nate Good

Jakob: Nothing like de stressing on the heavy bag

TJ: I need a cheeseburger. It's my comfort food. Maybe some new friends too.

TJ: I felt like I was missing something today

TJ: "Dont treat me like I belong to you because, no matter what I agree to, I am not a possession!"

Jakob: I Dont Fuck With You - Big Sean

Jakob: Age old lesson you don't fuck with the guy that cooks the food.

TJ: I don't have a playlist for this emotion.

TJ: "Forget the mistake. Remember the lesson."

TJ: I keep seeing the same symbolic animal pop up lately, doesn't make any sense

TJ: What a beautiful pseudo you've got going on

Jakob: Ricky - Denzel Curry

TJ: How can you be a sore loser when you weren't even playing the game

TJ: Multi-talented

TJ: Maury GIF "Maury said "Thats a lie""

TJ: I play the long game.

TJ: My laugh has changed over the last two weeks ^.^

TJ: "I dont know who needs to hear this but you dont always have to tell your side of the story. Time will."

Jakob: You never know what you've lost until it's gone.

Jakob: It's cuffing season.

TJ: Watch me do better

TJ: I Knew You Were Trouble - TSwift

TJ: "I fucking love straight forward people. No bullshit makes life so much easier.

Jakob: Shes not yours, it's just your turn.

TJ: "I used to rush to defend myself against false accusations but now I watch to see who believes it, so I know who to cut off first." - Word Porn

TJ: Have you ever missed someone's playlist / Tequila Sunrise - Cypress Hill

TJ: Maaaan if I could just travel back in time one week, how many things would be different right now

TJ: I can count on one hand how many people I've cut out of my life, it takes a lot for me to give up on a friendship.

Jakob: Never settle. Level up. Elevate your company

TJ: "Im either exhausted or exhausting, theres really no in between

TJ: Meme "How I sleep knowing I am no ones priority and I am a disappointment to everyone I love"

TJ: Why is everyone testing me, I won't come back, this isn't a life proverb it's just my life

TJ: "Men are trash. But I can't change, I'm a raccoon."

Jakob: She belongs to the streaks 📷📷📷

Jakob: This piece means more than words can explain. (Snake Pendant)

TJ: When someone's got it so wrong, you can't let yourself care. I know what I'm about. I've always been the high moral friend that everyone trusts with their secrets so take it or leave it because that's how it is and nobody is going to make me feel bad about a lie when I know the truth.

TJ: The one good thing that came out of all this petty drama is I finally figured out what face to use for my next big tattoo 📷

I told myself I would only ever get one face so it had to be something I absolutely loved over all other choices. I cannot wait to start designing this one 📷 it's perfect for my personalities hehe

Jakob: Regardless of what you do, you can't do it alone your network will help you prevail in all aspects of life.

TJ: I hope you call me when the love turns lonely 📷

TJ: dissociation princess 📷

TJ: Can we fast forward to the part where we laugh about this

TJ: Watch me go through all this trouble for a stranger only to never be forgiven

TJ: He took a refund but couldn't get the time back

TJ: "Its 10 in the morning why are you drinking" "Its called a tequila sunrise. Gotta have it in the morning or it makes no sense."

TJ: Plot twist I'm the sore loser

TJ: I love that all we talk about for 10 hours a day is crazy hypotheticals, mixed with mtg, mixed with d&d

Jakob: As someone who plays alot of games I would like to think I'm pretty good at them.

TJ: If it's worth it you wait for your 📷

TJ: Oh the irony

Jakob: Hoodville honestly just hits the nail on the head so fuckin hard.

TJ: I miss the nice pleasantries from chu

TJ: Only legends will get a snort though "People that make you laugh until you feel like you can no longer breathe are the people to keep around"

TJ: KYLE makes my body wanna move no fail

TJ: Drip drip drip

Jakob: Actions will forever speak louder than words.

TJ: Just a healthy reminder that you are not the exception, you are the rule.

TJ: Keep chasing fire 📷

TJ: Old habits die hard

You suck, you try hard

My block, my yard

Can't nobody here pull my card

I'm stuck to this game like a sticker

Jakob: I don't bring anything to the table, I am the table.

TJ: "Never seek revenge... rotten fruit will fall on its own."

Jakob: What a night 📷

TJ: I've never been so glad to have a weekend come to an end so I can go back to work #nevertakingadayoffagain

TJ: Nobody is as deaf as those who don't wanna listen

TJ: It's easy to win a 2v1 lol #gameon

TJ: Oh buddy what it would be like to play fair

TJ: Oh hunny don't be threatened by me so much, you lost a long time ago

TJ: Nobody puts baby in the corner

TJ: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

TJ: There is definitely a difference between being in a relationship and not 📷 #figureitout

0 notes