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chaoticace2005 · 2 months

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Hazbin Hotel characters as John Mulaney quotes part 3:

(Part 1 2 4)

Vox: I was hoping by now that I would look older. But it didn’t happen. I don’t look older I just look worse, I think. Honestly when I’m walking down the street nobody’s ever like “Hey, look at that man!” I think they’re just like “Woah! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends.”

Angel: Part of me was like whatever, you know? You know those days when you’re like “this might as well happen.”

Angel and Vaggie about their respective partners: I never knew relationships were supposed to make you feel better about yourself. That’s not really a joke that’s just a little sweet thing I like to say.

People watching the show: I think eventually everything is going to be okay. But I have no idea what’s gonna happen next.

Niffty: I know now I’m definitely never gonna be president. Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly.

Charlie, about Alastor: We started chanting, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's! And my dad pulled into the drive-thru, and we started cheering and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.

Any time literally any character’s backstory or internal issues is revealed: Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that.

#niffty 4 prez #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #niffty #angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #huskerdust #alastor #charlie morningstar #vox hazbin hotel #source: john mulaney

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uncorrectintamed · 4 months

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Wen Yuan: I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

#mdzs #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #wen yuan #lan sizhui #incorrect quotes #source: john mulaney

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modernincorrectlotrhobbit · 2 years

Conversation

Boromir: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Legolas: *grabs and drinks the entire bottle*

Boromir:

Legolas:

Legolas: It’s perfume.

#source: john mulaney #incorrect quotes #incorrect Hobbit quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #lord of the rings #lord of the rings characters #the hobbit #boromir #legolas #legolas greenleaf

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incorrectjokerout · 21 days

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Nace,holding an antique bottle:Is this whiskey or perfume?

Jure:*grabs and chugs entire bottle*

Nace:

Jure:It's perfume.

#joker out #incorrect quotes #incorrect joker out quotes #nace jordan #jure maček #source: john mulaney

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incorrect-piltover-quotes · 5 months

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Ekko: *holding an antique bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Vi: *takes the bottle and chugs the whole thing*

Vi: It's perfume.

#incorrect piltover quotes #incorrect quotes #league of legends ekko #league of legends vi #ekko #vi #league of legends #riot games #submission #source: john mulaney

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incorrectvtuberquotes · 1 month

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"The One Thing You Can't Replace" - Ex-Niji Version

AKA the closest I'll ever get to discourse-posting. But if you have quotes for Mint, Doki and the rest, by all means send them in!

Maid Mint: Another story I heard about myself... This one happened in Nijisanji. We had this boss, Mr. Tazumi, and I had a kouhai who went to our agency, Rosemi Lovelock. She was in Obsydia and I was in LazuLight, so she was a gen behind me.

Mint: So Mr. Tazumi was an asshole. And one weekend, he and his yacht decided to leave town, which you should never do if you're an asshole. And Rosemi decided to throw a party at the HQ - hooray! So everyone around Niji heard about it, and we all got up individually and said:

Quinn Benet: Okay. Let's go over there and destroy the place.

Mint: I walked into this party. Everyone I had ever met was there, and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world! We were drinking like it was the Civil War and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off. It was totally unsupervised. We were like dogs without horses - we were running wild.

Mint: I walked down... I walked down to the basement. They had a pool table in the basement.

[Cut to Michi Mochievee, jumping onto the pool table]

Mint: One kid took a running start and threw her body onto the pool table and broke it in half.

[Cut to Kuro, plotting mischief]

Mint: Another kid found out which office was Tazumi's and went upstairs and took a shit on his computer.

Mint: So the party was going great.

[Chat cheers]

Mint: I'm standing in the basement, and I'm holding a red cup - you've seen movies - and I'm standing there, and I'm starting to black out. And I guess someone said, like...

Sayu: Something, something, managers.

Mint: And in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled:

Mint/Pomu: FUCK THE MANAGERS! FUCK THE MANAGERS!

Mint: And everyone else joined in! Three dozen drunk EN children yelling "Fuck. Da. Managers." with the confidence of guys who have, like, already been to jail and aren't afraid of it anymore - you know, that "I served my nickel! You come and take me!" confidence. But EN children.

Mint: The reason someone had said "something something managers" was because the managers were there. So an Anycolor manager walked down the stairs and got to the bottom in the basement, and looked out over a sea of drunk toddlers yelling "Fuck the managers!" in his face! And he was almost impressed! He was like, "Wooooowww..." And then he leaned into his walkie-talkie and went: "Get the paddywagon!"

Mint: And my friend Matara - who is now a mother, this woman has babies - she grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground and yelled:

Matara: SCATTER!!!

Mint: And everyone ran in a different direction. We all ran in different directions. It was like that scene in Rat-tat-touille when the humans come in the kitchen and all the rats go in different ways - we all ran in different directions.

Mint: I ran into the laundry room and I jumped up on a washing machine, and I crawled out through a window into the back alley, and now I'm running through the back alley and there was this big chain link fence. And I thought:

Mint/Pomu: I have never climbed a fence that high before!

Mint: And then I woke up at home.

[Chat laughs uproariously]

Mint: On Monday, I went to work, because that's what we did back then. And I'm walking into the collab, and who do I see but Rosemi Lovelock. And she says to me:

Rosemi: Hey, were you at my party on Saturday?

Mint: And I said no. You know, like a liar. And she said:

Rosemi: Things got really out of hand. Someone broke the pool table. Someone took a dump on Tazumi-san's computer. But the worst thing is, someone stole these old antique photos of Tazumi's grandmother. And our bosses are freaking out about it.

Mint: And I had that thought that only blackout drunks and Steve Urkel can have: "Did I do that?"

[She pauses as chat reacts]

Mint: I figured no, I wouldn't have done that. But I was never sure - until, a year later... Relax!

Mint: I'm playing video games with this kid named Dokibird, that we also went to Nijisanji with. A year later, we've graduated by now. We're playing video games for a couple hours. And then Doki says to me:

Doki: Hey, come here, I wanna show you something.

Mint: And she takes me into her bedroom, and then she takes me into a side room off of her bedroom - never a good thing to have.

Mint: And she shows me a tiny room that is covered wall to wall in stolen antique photos from Nijisanji parties over the years. And I said: "Why? Why do you do this?"

Mint: And Doki said:

Doki: Because it's the one thing Tazumi can't replace.

[Chat erupts into laughter and cheers]

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aprill-99 · 1 year

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EACH BRIDGERTON COUPLE AS JOHN MULANEY QUOTES:

Daphne & Simon:

Daphne: “A friend of mine asked me if I’d ever been given the sex talk, and the answer is yes… I think.”

Simon: “My father was COOOLD BLOODED.” + “Does my best friend hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?”

Kate & Anthony:

Anthony: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here and then one day, I’ll die.”

Kate: “Get out of here with your facts. Just because you’re accurate does not make you interesting.” + “I’m new in town, and it gets worse.”

Benedict & Sophie:

Benedict: “This is a healthy twenty-eight year old man trying his best.”

Sophie: “I was a maid for a while. I was treated well in my day. I worked for a variety of sirs.”

Colin & Penelope:

Colin: “My wife is a bitch and I like her soooooo much.”

Penelope: “We spend most of our time proving to people that we are who we say we are. Think about that for 10 seconds and tell me you don’t want to walk into the ocean.” + “People say crazy things all the time. And those things mean nothing to them, but they mean everything to me.”

Phillip & Eloise:

Eloise: “Thirteen year olds will make fun of you, but in an accurate way.”

Philip: “It was like, you know one of those days where you just go ‘this might as well happen.’”

Michael & Francesca:

Francesca: “I try to stay optimistic, but I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky.”

Michael: “We don’t get better than this. It’s just going to be worse versions of me from here on out.” + “And if you think I seem unlikable or out of control in that story, then just remember, that’s one I was willing to tell you.”

Hyacinth & Gareth:

Hyacinth: “Well none of us ever really know our fathers…… Anyway-”

Gareth: “I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.”

Lucy & Gregory:

Gregory: “I do hear you, and I also don’t want to be doing what I’m doing.”

Lucy: “In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroine.”

Lady Danbury & Lord Ledger:

Lady Danbury: “Shut up you’re all going to die! Street smarts!” + “It’s wrong to make fun of people, but it’s just so fun sometimes.”

Lord Ledger: “My vibe is like ‘hey you could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you.’”

George & Charlotte:

King George: “it seems like everyone, everywhere, is super mad about everything, all the time.”

Queen Charlotte: “I simply do not give a shit what anybody thinks of me in any situation.”

Bonus:

Violet: “Putting a thirteen year old in charge of your younger kids is like getting a dog to babysit your horse. If something goes wrong, they can just maybe get help a little more quickly.”

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thingsoverheardatua · 1 year

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Amajiki: Mirio gives out a vibe right away of like ‘do not fuck with me’. Whereas my vibe is more like ‘you could pour soup in my lap and I’d apologize to you’.

#MiriTama #Tamaki Amajiki #Mirio Togata #Amajiki Tamaki #Togata Mirio #Togata #Amajiki #reused quote #source: John Mulaney

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tf2incorrectquotes · 3 months

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Fritz: I’ll keep all of my emotions right here *gestures to chest* and then one day I’ll die.

#source: john mulaney #Emesis Blue #TF2 Medic #team fortress 2 #incorrect quotes

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incorrecthatchetfield · 4 months

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Bill, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Ted: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*

Ted:

Ted: It's perfume.

#submission #source: john mulaney #incorrect quotes #tgwdlm #starkid #incorrect starkid #the guy who didn't like musicals #hatchetfield #incorrect tgwdlm #incorrect hatchetfield #hatchetverse #bill woodward #ted spankoffski

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wisefoxluminary · 10 months

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Allan: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Ken: *grabs the bottle and drinks all of it*

Ken: It’s perfume.

#barbie #ken #allan barbie #ken x allan #barbie 2023 #ryan gosling #michael cera #barbie incorrect quotes #source: john mulaney

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chaoticace2005 · 3 months

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Hazbin Hotel characters as John Mulaney quotes part 2:

(Part 1 3 4)

Charlie: My vibe is like, ‘Hey, you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.’

Husk, about Angel: It’s like they’re under the impression that they’re like a celebrity. It’s like they all have this attitude of ‘Don’t you know who I am?! I’m Strawberry Alarm Clock!’ No, I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. It’s just I don’t hang out in the one bar where you get free drinks.

Angel, returning home from work: I am now gross.

Adam, breaking Alastor’s cane: Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm!

Lucifer: Hello, I’m Chip Mulaney, I’m your father.

Vox: Well then, let’s not see eachother for 8 months and it doesn’t matter at all.

Alastor: This is an on fire garbage can. Could be a nursery.

Narrator, about Charlie: Then it is revealed that she has no plan.

Valentino: I am damp all the time. I am damp now and I will be damp later.

Vaggie, about Adam: And I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but he was a lousy guy right?

#husk you ARE the bar that gives Angel free drinks #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #charlie morningstar #husk hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #vox hazbin hotel #valentino hazbin hotel #vaggie hazbin hotel #adam hazbin hotel #source: john mulaney

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incorrecthungergamesquotes · 4 months

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It’s fun to be married. I’ve never been supervised before. Now I’m supervised. Peeta studies what I do. Like an anthropologist. He’ll be like, “Sometimes, she will watch a movie on TV even though she already owns that movie on DVD. Pointing this out to her confuses and upsets her.”

Katniss Everdeen

#source: comedian #source: john mulaney #incorrect quotes #katniss everdeen #ship: everlark

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incorrectjokerout · 6 months

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Bojan:I would never say that Kris is a bitch and I don't like him.

Bojan:That’s not true.

Bojan:Kris is a bitch,and I like him so much.

#joker out #incorrect quotes #incorrect joker out quotes #bokris #bojan x kris #bojan cvjetićanin #kris gustin #source: john mulaney

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incorrectdwpquotes · 5 months

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Nigel: “Person of interest” is almost too flattering.

Nigel: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go “A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,” I’d be like, “Moi? Oh, do go on.”

#the devil wears prada #incorrect dwp quotes #nigel kipling #source: john mulaney

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uncorrectintamed · 1 year

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Nie Huaisang: Ah numbers, the letters of math.

#source: john mulaney #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #nie huaisang #incorrect quotes

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