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olderthannetfic · 2 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/746553097204203521/the-fandom-hates-women-response-to-lack-of-ff

The "fandom hates women" part of it comes from the fact that fandom as an entity just doesn't watch the kind of media that draws femslash, even if it ticks all of the boxes of things those very same people say they like. There are so many times I've watched a show that I've seen mega-popular Tumblr posts wishing existed, and then the fandom is so, so small comparatively and often in general. There have been superheroes, vampire/supernatural shows, fantasy shows, movies, books, the list goes on, that feel like they were generated out of Tumblr's desires for ideal fandom media, and everyone knows they're never going to attract anywhere near the same attention for fandom and fanworks because the common denominator just tends to be that if there isn't a full ensemble of attractive men to ship either with each other or with the women, fandom's not interested.

So it's not about prioritizing women in that sense, it's about people witnessing hypocrisy over and over again the second a show doesn't have a mostly-male ensemble. The people who are in these fandoms are frustrated that good faith attempts to get people interested are met with every excuse in the book that all eventually boils down to "I don't like watching stuff with women in it as much as I like watching stuff with men in it." And if that's how people feel about it... sometimes the conclusions are going to turn into the more uncharitable take of "fandom hates women."

Maybe, but whenever I see a "fandom hates women" reblog of my stuff, one or two reblogs further down the chain I get an overt TERF. I just had to go block several people today, in fact.

The first person to reblog with a comment like that is usually subtle, but their friends and friends of friends are not. The rhetoric that very quickly starts is the fandom equivalent of that "All the butches are becoming trans men! We're losing lesbians!" stuff.

Here's the thing: I've been in ten billion fandoms that were so awesome and fit fandom's supposed tastes to a T and yet no amount of promoting them could get anyone to try the canon. This goes for canons that are all men or all white men or all majority ethnicity men or whatever else.

The default state of media is to not engender a big fic fandom.

I agree that the rare outliers mostly follow certain patterns, but we extrapolate too far when we say that a lack of those patterns is why a fandom is small.

A fandom is small because that's the near-universal default.

Yes, a small slice of fandom consists of guilt-ridden queer fujoshi who say they want more f/f but don't make much of a move to make that happen. I tend to run into that a lot because of my own tastes and having friends who share those tastes.

Far more of fandom is people talking generally about how representation matters without saying they would personally join these fandoms if they existed.

Neither group is large enough to be the real reason some woman-heavy canon fails to take off to HP levels.

The real reason is not hypocrisy but the fact that most things don't take off like that. Most things without massive, massive audiences especially don't take off like that. And the very few things that do are flukes and don't actually predict that another similar thing will take off in the future.

Go to AO3's tag search. Search for all canonical fandom tags. Sort by uses and descending order.

Right now, I get 64,390 tags.

The first page, 50 tags, goes from HP with 497,845 works to the Thor movies with 59,266 works. By page 6, we're below 10 thousand works.

By the end of page 10, we're down to Labyrinth with 3,906.

Somewhere in the top 500 AO3 fandom tags (many of which are just franchise metatags for each other), we go all the way from megafandoms to medium size and down to relatively modest ones.

That's not a lot of room for a big f/f-heavy fandom given the trends in mainstream media and that mainstream media is where most really big fandoms come from.

I also notice that you're conflating a lack of desire to watch something that's primarily about women with a lack of desire to watch something that includes women.

There are tons of fans who want something more like The Mummy with a leading man and leading woman they love.

Granted, that's not me and that's not a lot of my fujoshi/slasher audience, but it's extraordinarily common. I know plenty of people who don't like canons that are only dudes, but since they also don't like canons that are only ladies and they don't ship f/f, this gets spun into "fandom hates women".

Let me be clear:

Conflating "lesbians" and "women" is a radfem position.

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xxmaxwellxx · 3 months

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Very sorry but can someone help me find another twst fic? It was more like headcannons but it’s where reader was at a masquerade/ball type event and rollo was there, my memory isn’t the best so forgive me, but I think rollo and reader dance and the boys watch with jealousy but I remember rollo taking reader out on some kind of balcony and either trying to kiss reader or convince them to leave the boys. I’m pretty sure it was the second one with him spouting off something about purity. I remember Azul for sure being in this one and I think malleus was in there too but I think they kiss reader in front of him or take them back inside at the end of their respective headcannons. Edit: here’s the link! https://www.tumblr.com/cyn-write/731537190125961216/i-feel-her-i-see-her

If anyone could help me I would be very grateful. Also if you recognize my username/me asking for help so many times and want an explanation I’ll leave it under the cut because it’s probably going to be me trauma dumping.

Hi, I’m Max. I have an anxiety disorder. The reason I’ve asked for help so many times and in so many fandoms is partly because of my anxiety. I recently got a new phone and I’ve had a hard time adjusting because all the screenshots I have of the fanfic I’ve read is on my old phone. If you’re wondering why I haven’t just airdropped the screenshots to my new phone it’s because I had so many screenshots that it took up all 64gb on my phone, not all of them were screenshots but about half of my storage was taken up by them. And when I think of a fanfic that’s not in my new camera roll I panic, and when I can’t find it by googling it or looking for it here on tumblr I panic even more. Just a few days ago I spent eight hours looking through my old phone for a fanfic that wasn’t even on there, I found it eventually but I was in tears begging whatever god that would listen to help me find it by the end. If you’re wondering why I get so worked up over fanfic of all things it’s because a few years back when I first found fanfiction I was depressed and suicidal do to living conditions I won’t go into, I used it as an escape so I wouldn’t have to face reality and ever since then fanfiction became such a huge part of my identity that I couldn’t imagine myself not reading it and I genuinely panic over not being able to find the ones I’m looking for. I’m on medication and looking for a therapist, I’m getting better I think, but it’s been hard. Im not trying to guilt trip and I’m not writing this for pity or sympathy or anything like that, I just think that where I post in so many tags, sometimes multiple times, I owe people an explanation. I might just be over thinking it but I imagine someone scrolling through their favorite tags and seeing me there and helping me out and then seeing me over and over again and getting annoyed so I feel like I owe people answers on why I’m asking for help so much. I feel guilty asking for help so much but I genuinely loose sleep over this. I’m very grateful for the people helping, trying to help and have helped me. It’s why I try to thank them even if they didn’t find the one I was looking for, just knowing people are willing to help puts me at ease and I usually post my requests for help before going to sleep because just talking about something with people who know what I’m talking about or is in the same fandom as me puts me at ease. If I’m annoying I’m sorry but just putting something out there where there are people who are willing to help and don’t judge me for it helps me sleep at night. Sorry for rambling and call me stupid or crazy or anything like that but I’m trying to get better, I really am and putting posts out there with the hope that someone can help calms my anxiety. Even if I don’t get a link or answers or get to reader the fic again just posting and talking about it helps me, like letting go of it and letting it drift away. Thank you for reading and I’m sorry.

#fanfic #fanfic finder #twst #twst x reader #twst wonderland #twst x y/n #twisted wonderland #twst azul #twst malleus #twst rollo #azul ashengrotto #malleus draconia #rollo flamme

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detectivebambam · 2 months

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For the choosing violence thing.

I curious about your thoughts on 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24, and 25

(Your thoughts make my day tbh)

lol i gotchu pinky

the character everyone gets wrong: Dan. she's not a badass. i mean she is, but she's not. she's a scared little girl who had to raise herself and has no idea what she's doing at any given time and i love her for it

why andrew would never top or bottom: actually he does both, and tends to enjoy it. kind of an agressive top but Neil likes it, and sometimes likes to follow orders when he bottoms 🫣 i think they do anything and everything with each other. Neil could be dominant or submissive at any given time, which gives Andrew space to learn about what he actually enjoys. He finds that as long as it involves Neil, he doesn't mind

worst tumblr take I've seen: that Andrew was a misogynist because he doesn't like being manipulated, and "manipulation is a woman's weapon" like how is THAT not misogynistic be so real

why did you block that annoying person?: kept saying that Kevin abused Riko as much as Riko abused Kevin. don't know how far they had to reach into the depths of their asshole to find that one, i just hope they didn't get stuck

i don't have discord

which ship fans are the most annoying: y'all are going to absolutely murder me for this but kevaaron. 1) where did it come from? 2) what's wrong with Katie?? 3) no hate ship what u want but also, i can ship what i want? and it's fine it's literally fine

what character did you start to hate because of fanon: i hate to say it but Thea. i adored her when I read the books originally, but after 4 years of exclusively fanon content i didn't like her. but i did a reread recently and adore her again so it's all good

common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about: Andrew being a sex god. Neil is his first consensual sexual partner. like yeah he knows how to suck dick like a dying man, which he learned in juvie (when he was 13-16?) but in terms of sex? he doesn't know what he's doing and he's probably really scared and nervous

worst part of canon: kevin and thea turning their daughter into a mini Raven 😔

worst part of fanon: Renee erasure 😔😔

fandom related words you've filtered: as of currently? anything tsc related because I don't have access to it yet and people aren't tagging properly. but I also have Rinee (rixo x renee) blocked because,,, what do you actually mean

unpopular character you like and why people should like them: Aaron. yeah he's an asshole and a little homophobic but he was raised that way and he's getting better

worst blorboification: if this means what i think it means, fucking riko. like wdym "he serves cunt" he needs to serve time

answered prev

you can't understand why this is popular: kevaaron, any riko ship, riko himself, ichirou x neil, andreil breaking up in fics ?

there should be more of this: fic: oral fixation. sexual or non sexual idc but let's Freud these bitches. fanart: ANDREW WITH LONG HAIR PLS PLS PLS

it's criminal that y'all have been sleeping on: STUART HATFORD. LITERALLY NEXT TO WYMACK ON THE FATHER FIGURE SCALE. I LOVE HIM

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like: i don't feel guilt I'm Presbyterian

part of canon you found boring: anytime they were in class like wdym

part of canon you think is overhyped: this one is going to get me in trouble so i wanna start off by saying that yes, Riko was a victim of abuse. I'm not disputing that at all. but the part where he got beat by Tetsuji and "was more blood and bruise than skin", while being horrible, was also because of Kevin leaving due to Riko breaking his hand. Tetsuji lost one of his biggest investments because of Riko's petty ego

fav part of canon that everyone ignores: Stuart Hatford man

ship you've unwillingly come around to: Kandreil lol. i didn't like it at first but idk the more fanfic i see I'm like yeah that could be cute

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse: picture this, if you will: Nora Sakavic says something about her own damn characters. yeah that's all

common fandom complaint you're sick of hearing: "it's poorly written" it's not. if you can get over the first chapter of The Raven King, the rest is actually written very well and it's so so beautiful and depicts traumatized characters in a way I haven't seen before that is very refreshing

ty for the ask pinky ily

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edutainer2022 · 2 months

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Character Ask Game

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

For Scott.

@janetm74 Thank you so much for the ask!

I will revisit a little meta I did on getting to know Scotty as a character and have some additions.

"How do I love thee, let me count the ways". I stumbled into TAG through Tumblr osmosis I think some time in the second half of Season 1 run. I remember liking the 2004 movie, and I zeroed in on the "missing Dad" part, but I was generally amiably "on the fence" and non-committal. Nice boys, overall. A little bit too much focus on "child hero" Alan (because it's a kids cartoon and you're an adult, duh!). I was dabbing into bits and pieces here and there, not having a full picture. Tunnels of Time drew my attention, because of the sheer DEVASTATION Scott demonstrated. The elder brother and in charge sans Dad - I was bound to pay attention. John was the character I am - an introverted "intellectual". But the Tall, dark, charismatic and going kinda recklessly nyoooom didn't hurt either. Then I came across Recharge. And it hit me like that Runaway train. My Dad died when I was 22 and I took over as head of the family, as my Mom checked out in grief. I'm fairly sure I GAVE THAT SAME SPEECH in the Arctic tent to someone at some point - I miss him, I HAVE TO DO IT ALL (and do it fast), keeping busy with IR the PhD/work/postdoc/more work is the only thing that keeps me from going crazy. Verbatim. I'm still giving that speech sometimes. I saw a mirror of grief, self-worth issues and (non)coping mechanisms I recognized so much it was uncanny. So I knew these things: I've met yet another character that I know all too well what makes tick and will love forever - it's pretty much always the same character, give or take; the uppity Top Gun Flyboy persona is absolutely a facade - he's Tall, Dark, and Emotionally Compromised (hello there, sweetie!); I need to rewatch the earlier episodes keeping that in mind. And of course, Recharge (re)contextulizes everything - chasing a sizable city time and again to martyr himself for or to generally self-destruct, chasing Dad's shadow pretty much beyond the edge all but consciously (pretty candid for a kids show), going insane with a combo of worry, grief and guilt, keeping up the Next in Command mantle, sometimes just barely, the whole convo with Lee up to and including asking him to stay, the Chain of Command implications, the Hood's return implications, randomly adopting people and pushing them to be and do better. And just like that, I SAW Scott Tracy.

That was nine years ago, give or take. I've been through more losses, pressure of "command", responsibility, betrayal and just plain tragedy ever since. And every step of the way I feel I can relate to Scott more. The need to lift and inspire people to be their best selves - even when your own soul is writhing in pain and doubt. The crippling guilt over failure. The understated loneliness. The very unsubtle nonexistent concept of personal happiness. Being back in fandom also helped me explore (and confirm) and share lots of nuance about this character that I also felt were true. I wish for Scott a lot healthier emotional coping structure and support going on into his next decade than I got his age. He's my emotional support emotional wreck and disaster.

#methinks i have astronomy #thunderbirds are go #thunderask #scott tracy #scott tracy needs a hug #scott tracy needs his dad

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lhazaar · 2 months

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hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

#bark bark #ocd tag #actually ocd #also i want to say this now: if you do not experience ocd i do not want your 'well actually' takes on this.#again. this is not a site-wide thing i think everyone should do #do not mistake this for me saying that it's ~okay~ to be wilfully ignorant about genocide or climate disaster #i am speaking to a very specific clinical population whose brains do not work in a way that people outside of that population understand #the guilt you experience with ocd is not the same guilt that everyone has just turned up #it warps your entire personality. it warps your sense of right and wrong #you will deal with it for your entire life unfortunately #(even medicated i still absolutely have Intense White Guilt episodes lol #i just try not to make them my loved ones' problem #because part of handling pathological guilt has to be responsibility without overresponsibility)

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usedtobethelegendcreator · 1 month

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Lol kudos for the confidence but if ur just drawing for urself then don't post ur ugly shit here with a bunch of tags in the hopes it'll be liked lmao

Oh, anon. Dear, sweet little anon. I know you’re a troll, so I’ll take this step by step.

First off, yes, I do have confidence. You know why? Because I spent 16 years with the incarnation of Azula as my mother. Nothing you could ever accomplish would ever make you more intimidating than the woman who beat me up and kicked me out of the house. After all the shit I’ve gone through, I’m trying this thing called ‘be kind and take no shit’.

Second, you have some bold words for someone with atrocious grammar, but that’s beside my point. I post for my own enjoyment, yes, but do you know why I enjoy it? Why I’ve been doing it for five years? Because I’m fucking autistic. That’s why. And by ‘autistic’, I mean I was thoroughly evaluated by a licensed psychiatrist.

Third, there you go with ‘ugly shit’ again. Well, buddy boy, do I have some news for you.

See this? This means I took the certification tests for both Photoshop and Illustrator. I passed both. And if you’re such a critic, I’d like to see what you can draw.

Fourth, a bunch of tags? Really? I tag the characters present in the art, the ship (if any), the fandom, if it’s a crossover, and what kind of art it is. Sometimes I want to make a joke in the tags, in honor of Tumblr tradition. If you’re so desperately scraping for something to insult me with, find something better than properly tagging something.

Fifth?

I’m not here to get likes. I’m here because I fucking want to be. If I wanted to get likes, I’d go on Instagram or some other site. Sure, the likes are nice, but I’ve survived fandoms much more dead than ATLA. You try being a fanfic author in a legitimately dead fandom, like Beyblade Burst, for four years, then come back to me on that.

And guess what, sweet little anon? Three strikes. You’re out. I’m turning off anon asks. Dunk on me with your actual blog next time, where I can block you, instead of hiding like a coward.

I’m not above guilt-tripping if you’re this much of an asshole. Take note, potential anons.

Leaving the floor open for @thecrazyashley-blog, because, as one of the Encanto fandom’s mothers, I bet she might have something to say on the topic of fandom trolls.

Don’t fuck with me. 😀

#haters gonna hate #TLC’s first hater #anon ask #fandom adjacent

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h-a-unted · 2 months

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𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐑. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : Kuroki (Kuro is fine, too!)

PRONOUNS : I don't mind what I get called, even though I am a girl! I think boys are hella cool, so when I get mistook for a boy, I take it as a compliment instead of an error.

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Discord and Tumblr IMs!

NAME OF MUSE(S) : Oh boy... I have a bunch on different blogs, but I'll list the ones here: Butcher, Maeve, Frenchie, Lenny, Emma, Travis, Ethan (E3N), Cpt Price, Adler, Alex, Atom, Chris (RE), and Martha (FFXVI). I'm going to add Legion (ME) and Emet (FFXIV) later.

BEST EXPERIENCE : Joining The Quarry fandom, which allowed me to find my bestie Ladybug, while also making it easier for me to join other fandoms and meet more friends who are so special to me now. I never expected to meet so many amazing people in The Boys fandom, so that's another highlight to me.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : Being pestered for replies. If I'm rushed in any way, shape or form, my brain just shuts down, and I lose all excitement I used to have. It's one thing to be excited for a thread, that's totally fine, but being purposefully rushed or guilt-tripped into replying is a no-go for me. It has happened to me so many times, I already know how it goes and feel it in the air sometimes, even. I want to write at my leisure and to allow others to do the same. I know I take a lot of time sometimes, but if I'm rushed, I won't ever write for that thread/person again, unless I force myself and throw soulless replies that eventually die. But I'm done trying to be nice to that kind of people and then feeling bad for not being able to keep up, so I'll probably stop outright the next time this happens. Fingers crossed that it doesn't.

MUSE PREFERENCES : Assholes with trauma and/or nuance, himbos, and Artifical Intelligence or a human variant of that.

PLOTS OR MEMES : Both! If I can't for the life of me come up with a random interaction, I ask for plot, but I am mostly more than fine with memes to get things going! Both are excellent!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : Both long and short replies are fun! Sometimes it's easier to throw rapid-shot responses, so I go for small, but other times the muse is high and I want to describe more, so I can go for long. Any of those are fine as long (heh, punny) as I have something to reply to.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : Any time my muse is high, or even when my muse is not that high. As long as I can inspire myself enough, I'm game any time. I suppose I usually write during the noon/afternoon onward.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : I usually like to find something that explains to me why I love a certain character and all that. Most of the time, I think it's just me trying to justify myself or make myself cooler, so I sometimes don't really believe I am like a character more like I want to be said character. Even so, I think Butcher is what I could've been had I not been helped when very young. Maeve feels like kind of a mirror to Butcher. She also seems to think she deserves the bad things that happen to her while showing herself as a really strong, indestructible person, I think I relate to that (and her situation of her romantic orientation and stuff, probably? Idk). Emma's cheery mask, Travis' stoic demeanor during rough situations, also Emma's calm demeanor during dangerous situations... The other characters I just really love for one thing or the other without really relating but probably admiring. And the AIs? I just really adore AIs.

TAGGED BY: tagged by @awkwardcourage (thank you so much!)

TAGGING: @dollhidden @savior-of-humanity @sesyeuxocean @reviresc @rottingkiss @hacker-codeq @arcanumsolitude @phoenix-flamed and anyone else I missed who sees this! Consider yourself tagged and feel free to tag me!

#➹ out of curses ✼ (ooc)#Thank you so much this was funnn!#Sorry it got a little long!

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icedragonlizard · 4 months

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What Sectonia and Haltmann are doing after their revivals in the 'Lost Miracles That Finally Become' AU

A few months ago, I wrote a fanfiction about this AU that involves Morpho Knight allowing Kirby to give him wishes, which he then proceeded to request Morpho to bring both Taranza's queen and Susie's father back to life and into their right minds, which then resulted in two extremely emotional reunions at the Divine Terminus.

I ended the fanfiction right as they all left the Divine Terminus and then just very briefly summarized how both Sectonia and Haltmann got settled into their respective home areas. Again, the summarizations on both situations were very brief.

I can mention a lot more details on what they do in this AU after they've been revived. I don't at all plan to write another fanfiction that takes place in this AU so here you go at me going all in at disclosing information here onto this tumblr post.

'Keep reading' tag down below because it'll be a big post:

Sectonia

Like shown in the fanfiction for this AU, Sectonia suffers from immense guilt for her villainous actions after she's been brought back. The guilt is so bad that she still has difficulty forgiving herself even after Taranza assured her that he still loves her and that everything would be okay. She's relieved to be back alive and in her original form, but is still overall extremely traumatized and distraught.

When Taranza brought Sectonia back home in Royal Road's castle, the rest of Floralia freaked out. They then calmed down and kept their distance when assured that she won't ever become a monster wasp again since the spiders would never dare go anywhere near a dimensional mirror. A repeat of Triple Deluxe isn't going to happen.

Sectonia herself just completely stays in Royal Road as far as Floralia is concerned. She'd never dare go anywhere near the other Floralian islands. If anything, whenever she leaves her home, she and Taranza would just go other places such as Popstar proper. The excruciating guilt she bears convinces her to not touch any of the Floralian islands that aren't Royal Road.

The two spiders are close again. Sectonia is emotionally hurting, but is beyond grateful to Taranza's unwavering support and love for her, even if she still feels like she's undeserving of it sometimes. But she doesn't let that out because she knows he doesn't want to hear it.

Sectonia tries her hardest to be nice when meeting people that Taranza introduces her to, but that's not always easy. She's prone to having irrational freakouts due to how traumatized and guilty she feels. The moment anyone shows any sort of suspicion or anger, she'll flip out, telling them she's not a danger anymore, and tells them to just tell it like it is and that they "hate her and think she's ugly". People normally don't really have that much malice, though.

How does Sectonia interact with all the other dream friends when Taranza introduces her to them? I'm not going to go over all of them, but overall most of them can get along with her okay. They're more or less happy for Taranza that he has his beloved queen back. And for the most part, they give Sectonia the necessary space and respect after she shows herself to be self-loathing and prone to freaking out.

She most notably becomes friends with Kirby, Susie, Magolor, King Dedede and the mage sisters and Hyness. She already met Susie and Kirby at the Divine Terminus, and she also becomes friends with those others listed upon meeting them.

Dedede forgives her for the TDX events and welcomes her just like he's welcomed Taranza back then. Magolor, being a close friend of Taranza, tries his hardest to be supportive and sometimes says humorous things to help ease her mind (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't) and the mage sisters of course appreciate another unhinged woman with magical powers just like them. Hyness came together with her over their corruption experiences. He tells her that he's felt immense guilt over what he's done, too.

Sectonia and Susie become quite close, though. They become each other's favorite female friend, because Susie and Taranza were pretty much besties beforehand. Susie acts as a pillar of support (she's not the best at that, but she's done it for Taranza previously, so she can do it to the other spider) and helps introduce Sectonia to all her stuff. I'll mention that Sectonia develops a hobby into doing ridiculous things with furbies like what Susie does. LOL. Two unhinged messed up women have a bonding activity of making fucked up furbies together.

Two dream friends, however Sectonia cannot be in the same room with. Those two, of course, being Dark Meta Knight and Marx. Taranza hasn't gotten along with either of those two, and so Sectonia doesn't either.

Sectonia's immense guilt, trauma and prone to freaking out gives little incompatibility with Marx. When she was still a ghost, she literally watched as Marx had told jokes about her that made Taranza flip out. It made her extremely angry. Even when it was a long time ago since he last told a joke about her, she refuses to forgive him for it. Sectonia would berate Marx on sight and if he got close enough, she'd lash out and attack him. Taranza has pleaded for Magolor and the mage sisters (some of Marx's friends) to keep the jester the hell away from his traumatized queen. They cooperate with that request.

Sectonia wants DMK dead for his involvement in her corruption. To be clear, Dark Mind (because he's actually still alive, lol) was the mastermind of using the mirror to corrupt her and DMK was just the hitman he used, but that doesn't matter. If they got anywhere near each other, Sectonia would drop everything to hunt down and try to kill DMK. That's something Taranza was doing until the star allies enforced a separation between him and DMK. They've had to stop Sectonia from trying to tear DMK to shreds when they first met after her revival. (Kirby and wave 2 insists that he still deserves a chance to improve, just like Sectonia is now given the chance to improve)

Fortunately for DMK, he can use the mirror world as a refuge against Sectonia because she wouldn't dare go near a dimensional mirror. Whenever he decides to leave the mirror world, he heavily stays on guard and hides himself if he ever sees the spiders nearby.

But aside from DMK and Marx, Sectonia has little to no problems with the other dream friends.

Overall, Sectonia does a lot of relaxing inside Royal Road to help slowly recover from her trauma and guilt. And many of Taranza's friends help introduce her to all the stuff they deal with, such as the aforementioned stuff that Susie does. She's on the very slow road of trying to feel better, and it's slow, because it's gonna take a long time to recover from all that horrifying guilt.

But Taranza is joyous that she's alive again. He missed her so much. And maybe the biggest reason why Sectonia is glad to be happy again is for Taranza's sake. She saw all the grief he had for her while watching over him as a ghost.

Okay I think that's it for Sectonia. Let's go over Haltmann now.

Max Haltmann

When he first got brought back to the Haltmann Works Company's headquarters, a lot of the employees asked if he'd become president again, but he said no every time. Like stated in the last chapter of the AU's fanfiction, Susie continues to be the president of the HWC. Haltmann is simply much too proud of her that he doesn't want to take that from her.

Instead, he's in retirement. He doesn't work in any position of the HWC at all. Susie recommended that to him since she feels like he should take it easy after being dead for so long.

But he does feel like he still owes her in some way after how he mistreated her when he was Star Dream's puppet. Susie recreated his business suit to give to him. And he's made the promise that he'd fly his mech to go hunt down anyone that hurts his daughter in any way.

This father and daughter love each other again. Of course it's not exactly the same as it was before, with Susie having been all grown up and being very independent and all, but they're just glad they saw each other properly once again.

Haltmann being in retirement means he can very easily join Susie in the vacations that she schedules, mostly in Popstar.

He mostly sticks to the company's headquarters as his main residence, though. The headquarters made a room for him to sleep in whatnot, but when he's not in there, he goes around the headquarters to experience everything that's there, from the restaurants and the stores present in that area.

He absolutely feels guilt for what he's done in the past, but he's able to control his emotions better than Sectonia can. And while he's glad to be alive again, he doesn't actually have much in the way of plans for what he wants to do with his life after he's been brought back.

If anything, he's just happy to have seen his daughter again and to have let her know that he still loves her. Back when Susie's grief was more severe, it was so agonizing for Haltmann's ghost to watch. It broke his heart watching her constantly vent to herself about how she worries he'd hate her. And so the reunion was entirely cathartic for him (and to Susie). He's just happy that his daughter now knows that he loves her and isn't mad for accidentally killing him back then.

As far as how he'd be interacting with the others in the Kirby cast, such as dream friends, the thing is that Susie isn't actually friends with a whole lot of the star allies. She considers a lot of them to be 'coworkers' more than anything (Taranza, Magolor and the mage sisters are the main meat of who are her friends). But they're glad to see that she has her dad and back to normal similarly to how they're happy for Taranza having his queen back. Although he seldom interacts with most of them due to spending most of his time at the HWC's headquarters.

The ones that see him the most often are the ones that were coming by the company's headquarters to visit Susie beforehand. So that means Kirby and the rest of wave 3, including the mages. That now includes Sectonia when Taranza gets her to visit the place like he did.

Haltmann already met Kirby and Taranza at the Divine Terminus after reuniting with his daughter, and so he becomes friends with them. He's super thankful to them for looking out for his daughter while he was dead.

Magolor and Hyness are other big examples of friends that he makes.

Magolor was darn incredibly hyped to have met Haltmann. In fact he becomes enough of a rascal to try to insert himself as some sort of 'nephew' figure for Haltmann, with Susie just rolling her eyes when he does that.

Something about meeting a fellow egg-shaped capitalist made Magolor gravitate towards Susie's father for a while. Susie was a bit embarrassed over that at the beginning, but came around to welcome it. After all, Susie and Magolor were already kind of sibling-like in the dynamic of their friendship, and so she figures it's fitting. And Haltmann has come to quite like the blue-cloaked mage! He thinks Magolor is amusing a lot of the time, and was glad to tell him all about what things were like before the Another Dimension incident.

The Jamba quartet was excited to meet Susie's dad. Haltmann became friends with Hyness. They of course talked about their incidents that made them go mad. Hyness and the mages even invited Haltmann to check out their Jambastion fortress, which Susie went with him to show him around there.

How most of the other dream friends would interact with Haltmann wouldn't be too dissimilar to how they interact with Susie. A lot of them (Dedede, animal friends, etc.) are neutral with Susie, so same goes here. The dream friend that Haltmann would have the most problems with would be... Marx, since Susie has had problems with him. But Magolor has made the deal to not have Marx interact with Haltmann, lest it would make Susie extremely angry. And it wouldn't be a good idea for Marx to aggravate Susie anymore like what he did in the past, considering how Haltmann would respond to it.

Haltmann may occasionally go to visit the other planets that the HWC has helped and made reparations for in his daughter's rule. Susie would go with him every time. She'd introduce to the planets that he's back, and don't worry that he's back because Star Dream is still gone and thus planets still can't be mechanized again.

I think that's more or less about it for Haltmann. He doesn't do a lot of work after he's been revived. Again, he's just happy to have reunited with his daughter, he's just happy to let her know that he loves her, and he's happy to see her being a happier person as a result.

-----

That wraps it up, methinks! Although one more thing: Considering Magolor has made masks for both Sectonia and Haltmann (both forms in Sectonia's case), how do they react to those when they go to Merry Magoland for the first time?

Sectonia wasn't happy. When she saw the masks as a ghost, she perceived it as being mocked (it doesn't help that Taranza initially complained about it until he got over it), and it still felt that way to her when she came back to life. Magolor reassures that he never meant to mock her with it, it was just to honor her. It took some time for her to get over it. She's friends with Magolor, but was not happy about the masks. She legitimately thought she was mocked at first.

Meanwhile, Haltmann had a much more approving reaction. The mask played into his pride and he felt honored, just like what Magolor was striving for! Which makes it funny that Susie, similarly to Taranza, wasn't happy with the mask at first, as she was initially mad for Magolor to have done it without permission. She's not bothered by it anymore, though. Haltmann was never bothered by it, even when he saw it was a ghost!

Okay, I think that's everything now. I'm not going to write a fanfiction that covers the stuff in this tumblr post, but I just felt like showing you what happens in the AU after the fanfic I wrote for it months ago!

I've got other Kirby AUs that I'll talk more about in the future - including one where Kracko fuses with Dark Matter to become a monster like I brought up in a poll a while back - but for now here's info on the AU that I wrote a fanfic for!

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monstersqueen · 1 year

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Why do you ship Dazai and Ango?

Well, why not ?

Also I didn't expect to ! one moment I'm like : "wow wouldn't it be fucked up if ango and dazai started a relationship just after odasaku's death ? With dazai's resentment and self-destructive's tendencies and ango's feelings of guilt and his inability to stop caring about dazai?" and the next it's one week later and not only have i read everything in the ao3 tag in english, i've started making the not-english fics go through google translate, visit the tumblr tag every day, and am considering opening a word document to write. Which i have done by now.

All the time going 'yeah but. i really don't feel that vibe from them in canon???'

But. I should have expected it.

Why do I ship Ango and Dazai ?

I've got a Thing about friends-to-enemies-to-lovers

the messier the break up the better

i like it where the feelings afterwards are complicated, especially since it seems like the feelings are murderously complicated :p

i really like ango and i want good things to happen to him, and that means getting dazai back in his life

i really like ango ! he's fascinating ! It's so easy to simplify him to the one government dude but. it's more complicated. It's also more complicated than him putting his friends above all - that's the way i've been going for a while, because he does love them a stupid amount, but it comes down to is his own personal moral code.

he's not in the government because he believes in it - it's a job that gets in the way of what he thinks needs to be done sometimes actually ! he helps odasaku and dazai (or try to :( ), and helps the ada and dazai, and part of it is affection but part of it is that it's the right thing to do.

but the interesting part is that. even though it matters to him it's also in flux and gets limited by the reality of working for the government and "I shall never walk in the light again" oh my god

and it's interesting because he's a liar ! he's an incredibly good actor !

anyway he is interesting and that makes me like him a lot and so i want good things for him. and also to see him break down crying. he's earned it

and honestly the thing about dazai ? is that for someone who doesn't really see the difference between right and wrong, not beyond protecting and caring the few he's chosen, it's interesting to look at the people he did choose !

in the whole mafia he regularly drinks with guy who doesn't kill and the dude they picked up because in the midst of a war he refused to reduce deaths to numbers

he has a deep respect for kunikida's principles, for all he loves needling him?

there's a point also about chuuya and the depths to which chuuya care, and his conviction, to make here to

anyway the thing is that what dazai likes in people is inner goodness and a strong moral code. which are things that are not his !

which makes sense. for all the noises shibusawa and fyodor make about how boring and predictable ordinary people are, i kidna think. someone who thinks like is in fact even more predictable and so even more boring.

and besides even the question of interesting i think dazai just likes people who makes him see the value in living. and people who sees value in life are so interesting.

anyway i really like dazai? and his attempts to live ? he's holding a lot for someone for which there's no inherent joy in living

there's something to be said for someone whose natural talents are manipulation and scheming but who's decided to use those for good

also they have very strong feelings for each other ? sure at one point dazai's strong feelings was 'pull his own gun on ango' but it's also 'everything i would never want to lose is always lost' and no i'm not crying

also right now ango is listening to dazai's heart which honestly in terms of symbolic is some crazy romantic shit. also he was stopping time (via proxy) to communicate back, seriously, with the right framing this is peak romance

also how the fuck did they put that together. when. did dazai manage to go through that conversation without letting some of his anger show his true nature as heartbreak ? i want to know

seriously the ada matters a lot to dazai; he cares for everyone in it, and not just because that's how he can keep his promise to odasaku, he cares about them

so ? right now ? he's relying on ango to make sure what his intentions and thoughts get to them. that's absolute trust. that's not "you betrayed me once but i'm giving you a chance and we'll see" that's "we were friends once and i know you and i know you still care and so i trust you completely" and even that is not possible without acknowledging one way or another that he still cares too

i'm absolutely crazy about ango risking his carreers because he trusts that dazai is doing the right thing. i think there isn't a lot he wouldn't do for dazai, but i also think he's trusting in dazai's good intentions

which given the while 'sabotaging his airbag' thing is ALSO a whole lot of trust

ango is going against the entire government, basically inflitrating it as a reverse spy (again), because he trusts that dazai is truly trying to protect people.

and risking his job. at the very least. can't wait to see where it all ends up for him

anyway we're talking about two people who used to be close, who were torn apart in ways that tore them both to shreds, left their relationship at the 'wow it would be fucked up if they got together now, that certainly wouldn't be love and it would be toxic as fuck' and 'pull your own gun on you' and 'sabotage your airbag' stage, and SOMEHOW got at "i'll trust you absolutely in a situation where the world has been turned against us"

in short i ship ango and dazai because dazai went from "i knew i was going to lose you because i would never want to" to "i'm going to pull your own gun on you and at least consider shooting despite that that would really fuck me and my team over" to "you are the one i trust when i can't help myself anymore" and that's. that's.

yeah.

#askbox stuff #Anonymous #dazango #bsd march 2023 not lb #the thing is ! ango might have been a spy but all the things dazai liked about him /are still true/#the guild might have tied the special division's hands but ango is still going to meet him and warn him !#just like he warned odasaku not to fight gide despite the special division wanting the mafia to handle mimic #suspecting that dazai is part of the reason he ended up in the hospital he'll still promise the division's help #and only after that negotiation will he confront dazai's about the airbag sabotage !#ango's priorities are fascinating because they constantly diverges from the government and yet it's easy to forget it

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waywardstoryenthusiast · 1 year

Text

So, I need to vent. Strictly speaking I’ve already vented, but I want to leave that vent here. One of my favorite fic authors deleted their Ao3 account, and I decided to try and work through my feelings by writing them down. Now that I’m done with that, I don’t want to just delete everything, but I also don’t want to just leave it sitting around and gathering dust. So I’m going to post it here, under a cut. I’ve decided to make it unregbloggable and cause it’s kind of personal, but I would like if whoever reads it could drop a like, just so I know. Be nice to know if I’m not screaming into the void. I also originally typed this up at work between taking calls, so that’s likely the reason for any weirdness. And I’m rambling. Fuck everything.

Okay, last thing before the rant: The author I’m referring to has put up with some shit, which is why they’ve deleted. I went back and forth between leaving their name in or not, or tagging. I eventually decided to leave their name, but will not be tagging them. They made it sound like they won’t be on tumblr anymore, and even if they were this is mostly something I wrote for me. I’ve left a message of support for them already. I don’t want them to have to deal with anything else.

So Glimmerglanger deleted their ao3 account due to dealing with a lot of awful messages and comments. And I'm upset, and struggling to process. So I'm going to try and walk through what I'm feeling, why and what I can do.

It's all a bit of a tangled knot, so I'm going to start with my more

selfish reasons to be upset. I'm angry and sad that I won't be able to

read any of those fantastic stories again. I loved reading them,

they've become such a staple of my reading. Whenever I needed a pick me up or a break I would go back to their stories. Sometimes I would be looking for something in particular, and sometimes I would just go through their entire catalogue. Any time they had a new fic, even if it was just a drabble I would wait with baited breath. I always

enjoyed their writing, and now it seems it's all gone.

And I feel selfish, upset and disappointed with myself because of

that. Because they're their stories, they can do what they want with

their stories. And it sounds like they had excellent reasons to do

what they did. It's not fair to be upset with them for protecting

themselves. But I am angry with them. I'm frustrated and upset that I

didn't get any warning so I could download the fics. And I suppose I'm upset with myself for not downloading them sooner. Silly, since I

didn't know this was coming, but it seems better than being upset with them when they're going through a tough time.

And another reason I'm upset with myself, is how reticent I was with

leaving comments. I kept telling myself I would go back and do it, and now it seems like I wasted too many chances. Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything, but at least we could have had those interactions. Glimmer was one of those authors who always responded to commenters and I loved that. (Not that not responding is a bad thing! Authors already give a lot just by posting, they're not obligated to respond.) I really enjoy having conversations with authors about their writing, and I always looked forward to 'talking' with Glimmer. I think one of

my biggest flaw is being too timid and missing opportunities. Not

leaving comments may seem like a small opportunity, but it mattered to me. And even though I tell myself that it may not have changed their final decision, I can't help but wonder if me leaving more comments (cause I think the only fics of theirs I didn't read read are the ones with a pairing I didn't like or looked too angsty. And I loved all the ones I read enough to want to leave comments, I just kept telling myself I would do it on my next re read, when things were fresh) would have made things at all better for them. If having some good comments may have contributed to making things a little easier or giving them a bit of happiness. I feel guilty. (Course, I also feel guilty about how much I'm making this about me and my feelings.)

And what really infuriates me about all of this was how avoidable it

all was. I've had fics that bugged me. I've started fics that

infuriated me. Where the authors characterization choices drove me up the wall. I've read fics that had me wondering if the author

read/watched the same thing I did. Sometimes when I think of these

fics they still frustrate me. But you know what I did? I clicked the

back button and I went to read something I would enjoy. (Ironically,

sometimes that meant going back to an old favorite, like

Glimmerglanger's works) The worst I would do is write a vent post

(that I might not even post) or reblog someone else's vent post. If

not that, I would start writing an idea for my own fic. I would never

leave a mean or cruel comment. I honestly cannot fathom people who feel like that is a constructive use of their time. It just doesn't

make sense.

Well that's most of my vent done (for now). Now to figure out what to

do. I noticed at least one person mentioned that they downloaded some of their work. I may ask around and see if anyone has their fics in a few days. Not now, it seems disrespectful so soon.

And you know what? I think I will post the comments I wrote out but

never sent. It's unlikely that Glimmer will ever see them, but just on

the off chance. And even if they don't, I don't like the idea of just

deleting them or leaving them in my notes to haunt me.

I'll also try to leave at least a few comments on any fics that do

live open on my phone. (And maybe download a few, just in case!)

Authors give a lot, they deserve what little I can give back.

I feel a bit better. A bit more settled. I'll try to do do a bit of

what I said tonight, and check back in in the morning. (5/4 pm)

I feel sick. Course, I think it's largely due to the news about

Buttons. She made it to at least 18, which I think is pretty old for a cat. But she stopped eating. And we had to make that choice. (And I realize after looking at the dates, it's barely been a year since we had to let Pixie go. And she wasn't even half Button's age. Fuck.) But talk about timing. Could really have used some comfort

right around then. But I really don't want to be upset at glimmer.

Cause none of this is their fault. They had to make the best choice

for them, same as we had to make the best choice for her. The timing

is just awful. And I'm not sure if I should continue writing this,

cause I'm starting to get choked up. And that's not really something I

can afford to do at work. But I feel like I need to get this out now.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I'm not sure if

this is really about glimmer anymore. Or at least not only. I guess I

got home still feeling off after finding out, and then I got hit with

having to make that decision. And now the two things are just kind of

hopelessly tangled together. And I'm not sure how to untangle them.

I did go ahead and leave a few comments on other fics that basically live on my phone, like glimmer's did. It made me feel a little

better. Maybe I'll try to leave some more. It helps take my mind off

things, a little bit. Focusing on other fics and what I like about

them and trying to put it into words. I hope I get a reply or two. I

know that's not the reason I'm commenting, but I could use some

connection.

I also kind of want to pick up Crush again. Maybe not the best idea,

since I already feel pretty bad. But maybe it would be nice to read

the words, to feel less alone in my head, with these feelings. My

insides feel like a bruised peach. Twisted, squishy and raw. Or maybe

a tenderized bit of meat would be a better analogy. I probably

shouldn't have decided to listen to the sadness playlist. But

listening to anything happy feels disingenuous and discordant. Same

urge that led me to find those loving death comics again. Needed to

feel understood. Was a bit cathartic.

Still feeling upset. Think this one is going to linger for a while. We really lost a star. I can't blame glimmer for making the best choice for themselves. And I don't, I'm not just saying that. I just keep falling into this 'feel sorry for myself' pit. Course, as mentioned the timing was awful. I probably would have been reaching for some of glimmer's fics for comfort anyway. But it's like a bruise that I keep forgetting about and poking. I've tried not to think about it, when I'm not doing this, to try and let it settle. I tell myself, 'Don't think about this other thing,' which I figure works better than trying, 'Don't think about Glimmer having to leave.' Reverse psychology I guess. And it kind of works. But it's a loose tooth, I keep worrying at it, even though I know I shouldn't. And I keep wanting to ask around and see if other people have downloads of the fics they would be willing to share. But that just makes me ashamed of myself. It just seems selfish and disrespectful, especially so soon after they deleted. I won't lie to myself, I probably will try at some point. But I want to exert some self control, and not go hounding folks so soon after it happened.

I think I may post this after all. It may be a bad idea, and I

probably won't let it be reblogged. But I feel the need to be seen. To

be heard. (5/5 am)

I just really foolish. I keep asking myself why I didn't leave more

comments or download the fics when I had the chance if I loved them so much? Logically, in regards to the comments, I know it's because I'm a bit of a procrastinating perfectionist. I liked their fics enough that I wanted to be certain I got things right. I'd make little notes to myself, and say I'd come back later. I assumed they would always be there, which is also the reason I never downloaded them. Now I feel naive. And trying to make my peace with the fact that I may never see these fics again. I keep trying to press them all into my memory so I don't forget, though maybe it would be better if I could.

These feelings just keep sneaking up on me. And I keep feeling like

I'm making mountains out of molehills. Glimmer is the one who was really hurt by all of this. And that's another thing I keep trying to wrap my head around. I've always thought there fics were great, it's hard to

believe people would send such awful comments to them. I don't mean that I don't believe left horrible comments, I just can't understand what they would have to make comments about? Course, if people want to be nasty they don't need a reason, just an excuse. But it's still messed up. (5/6 am)

I think that's all now. This may have been a bit silly, it's not like glimmer is dead, they're just gone. But what happened to them sounded awful. They deserved better. And as I type this, I wonder if this is why I'm so hesitant about actually sitting down and writing out my ideas. Cause if I do, I'll want to post them. And I can honestly say, I'm scared of people's opinions. I have a thin skin. But that's another day's problem.

I'm also trying to avoid the main fandom I read stuff of theirs from.

It's still just a little too closely intertwined for me at the moment.

Not easy, it's one of my preferred fall backs, currently. But it is what it is.

Well, don't think I have anything else to say. At least, nothing that wouldn't be repeating myself. I think I'm less sad now. I think things will be better. I just wish it hadn't come to this, for glimmer's sake.

#wayward rambles #wayward vents #you deserved better #i hope you'll be okay

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apatosaurus · 1 year

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Apatosaurus’s Way of Using Tumblr

There are lots of ways to be on Tumblr. We can co-exist without requiring conformity of use patterns.

I will not judge you harshly if your blog is mainly original posts. A few original posts increases the chances that you are a real person. I am here to connect with people, not to be a consumer. Please, make original posts to your heart’s content. It’s not rude.

Image descriptions are awesome. I think there is a skill to writing them that I don’t have yet. I think clumsy beginner descriptions are better than none. I use the alt text feature for this.

It’s ok if you never reblog my original posts from this blog. Posts about the garden and the cats are fine to reblog. Posts with action steps you can take for a fair and just world would be great to reblog. I would rather you not reblog posts with pictures of me and my family or posts containing personal information. Reblogs from my professional side blog are lovely, but my posts there tend to be long, so I don’t expect anyone to do that.

There are a few artists and writers I follow whose Tumblrs are mainly content they want to market or share with the public in a one-way flow. I choose things to reblog that I want to see again, or that resonate with me in the moment, or that I think a specific follower of mine would like.

I am easily irritated by posts from creators (especially ones I don’t follow) complaining about strangers failing to reblog their posts. I am tempted to block when I see people complaining about receiving likes. Cultivate relationships and revel in the community of people who do share your work. Guilting people into reblogging is terrible marketing and doesn’t speak well for your work. Likes can be a gateway to further engagement.

Other than those few creators, I am mainly here for conversations. Replies to my original posts are great. I might not see replies if they are attached to reblogs with thousands of notes. Reblogs with comments in the tags also work to continue conversations.

I don’t love posts that are designed to elicit fear, outrage, or disgust without providing an action step, even if I agree. I get plenty of news. I agree that the situation is dire for the planet, for human rights, for racial justice, for LGBTQ justice, for the future of democracy, etc. Give reliable sources and something to do with that energy, which can be self-care or how to keep yourself safe or how to reach decision-makers or which organizations to join for organized action. Sometimes you just have to scream and I get that, but if everything I see from you on my timeline is panic-inducing with no place to channel that energy, that’s not actually helpful for making the world better.

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makima4ever · 9 months

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Hi!! I noticed you’re a new writer on the ‘Cod x male reader’ tag and thought I’d offer just a little advise from personal experience!!

I recommended not posting as much within a single day! Sometimes it bugs with Tumblr, and then you’re stuck with posts that won’t show up and what not. I’d try and limit it down to 2-3 posts a day, or at least a good amount of time in between posts! I hate seeing other writers struggle because Tumblr won’t show their work-

Anyways, from one writer to another, I hope the fandom here treats you well!! Don’t let any hate get to you!! Your work is worth sharing, because even if you don’t feel confident about it, someone is guaranteed to love it!!

And take care of yourself too! If you need a break, take it. Don’t let guilt or anons get in your head! Health > writing, any day! And drink plenty of water!! Keeps the brain juicy with ideas lmao-

Anyways, can’t wait to see more of your work!! Hope Tumblr treats you well!!

- 🪶

TY I WONT BURN MYSELF OUT!! i think im good with taking criticism (i seek it out) and hate also ty for the advice, i will note that!! i do want people to see it, but i also enjoy writing it a bit too much to the point tumblr wont even let me post it LOL ty anon!!! have an epic day if u do see this and ty u again!!

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squeiky · 10 months

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Sometimes I get really sad and lonely and then I scroll through tumblr.

I think I have to start making a routine to walk outside, but i keep making excuses not too. The only outside place I want to be is on my porch and a park that’s 30 minutes away.

I’m really lonely apparently. It’s a side effect of having very little of a social life (aside from the few interactions on here. Since I don’t interact with anyone on any other site tbh.)

I think it’s just easy for me to be alone. Like I’m sure I developed some kind of abandonment issues and I’m fully aware of how it makes me feel- and that might be why i keep avoiding irl interactions.

Everything feels easier here. No anxiety no pressure. I know people here are okay and already know my goofy little self. I don’t have to worry about appearances and present how I desire. I don’t feel trapped.

I can scream into the void here. I can keep screaming and maybe one day, someone might just scream back. It’s a good feeling.

I keep feeling guilty for posting or rebloging so much. I look at other people getting asks or interactions as “successes”. I see comments and tags and it’s “success”. At what? Hell if I know. Perhaps some social game like popularity, or the fact that somebody is liked enough to have people talk to them.

Ugh, I used to read my old blog posts from an account long abandoned. Reeked of insecurity. I see myself falling back into that spiral over and over again whenever the darkness creeps up a little to closely. Like I can only eve ignore it for so long, until I’m back to screaming again like I am now.

It’s like that stupid feeling, like someone in the back of my mind is screaming “please be with me.” It’s crying all the time.

I don’t know what freindship is, I only see people in black and whites of “useful” and “not useful” the definition of useful isnt exact and varies person to person, but I recognize this is my thought process.

I guess there’s the guilt of it all too. Some underlying shame or guilt constantly pestering me. I hate annoying things and it’s really annoying.

I’m young, and I’m still figuring things out. Though that doesn’t really invalidate or solve how I feel now. Idk.

At some point in time I forgot how to talk to people in real life. It’s like when I do my soul leaves my body and I just go on autopilot. Only to return to a state of constant evaluation and analysis (which are my saviors).

Sometimes I just want to stay broken. Or maybe I was never broken to begin with. I don’t know. I’m sad and buttnaked writing this at 11:54 because I’m slowly developing a fear of sleeping (technically I just have s very strong desire to stay awake for no reason in particular.)

I fucked up with the alt descriptions for my art. I’m unsure if I’m making excuses not to make alts because it’s too much effort-or it’s something else.all I know is that I feel guilty about it.

I hate guilt (or is what I feel shame? I’m uncertain). I wish I never felt it. It’s a disgusting feeling that only does me bad. Usually I can just determine via logic when ive fucked up. But if what I feel is guilt then I do not like it. I wish it wasn’t there I wish it didn’t exist because it annoys me.

I cleared out my wounds too. I’m hopping I made it better by opening up a covered path that was clogging the infection gunk from getting out- and some dead skin. Getting hurt sucks.I thought I would be stronger. But I am reminded I am frail.

Screaming into the void in hopes of a freind. It’s a strange habit to have. Always screaming never a reply. I wish I could make things like this one person I follow. I’ve never seen them ever sad about their lack of interactions (atleast in this platform). I’m trying to be like that. But it sucks that I can’t register likes Orin the same way I do as reason people’s tags or comments or seeing their reblogs.

Since I’m always reblogging other peoples stuff, there’s always that nagging feeling when ever I make my own shit that it’s never enough.

One day though I think I’ll feel “enough”. I’ll drink champagne on that day and eat a chocolate cupcake. Just like a birthday celebration.

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vaicomcas · 2 years

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Controversial take but I actually hate Winchesters' grieving so bad... like, the Man Pain aspect of it. The way it is also portrayed in a performative way and a way to look Winchesters good instead of actually giving the dead characters agency. It annoys me especially when Kevin and Charlie died. You know they both died for Winchesters' Man Pain and worst of all (besides the fact that Kevin was a POC and Charlie was lesbian and they brutally got murdered.... especially Kevin who got tortured over and over again....) it is that these characters ALWAYS die to give the Winchesters Man Pain and then the show just makes them pull performative grief and that is it. It simply just sucks. Like, was I supposed to feel like the Winchesters cared for Kevin? Most of the stuff Dean says about ''family'' and ''care'' are simply hollow and performative. These are just words, just like the man-pain grieving that the writers show us over and over again. Like I don't care about the grieving and man pain the Winchesters show when they don't change and continue to be shitty. Why would I?

OK so I do agree with you 100%, that I find nothing organic and convincing about the Winchester grief. And the grief is not really about the victims, it's about their own guilt and angst (oh why do we keep losing people...why always us...).

But there is something curioius I have a hard time articulating. I will try though.

So all my life I don't get absorbed by any fictional show or story, always completely floating above looking at it from a rational and analytical way. Since Castiel sucked me into the SPN insanity, I find it difficult to tell where the characters end where the writers start. I mean of course all of it is from writers. But some scenes feel organic and real and some where you just really see the hand under the puppet. I feel like these hyper emotional ones with the Winchers is where I see the hands of the writers the most; so in that sense it's actually harder for me to hate the Winchesters in such instances. I know I am weird.

I find it so strange that all the fan fics are full of tags like "Dean Winchester is bad at emotions" etc. When the show bent backwards to make Dean perform emotions, and wielding those emotional scenes as proof of his goodness. I wrote about this in another post that there is a long tradition in fantasy shows of equating human emotions to human superiority over other species. Just like, Castiel being able to feel is supposed to be what made him sympathetic and the good guy because that made him more human-like. Not that I don't love that aspect of Castiel. Being able to feel is good in that it opens one up to possibilities, but it is not automatically righteous in and of itself. Castiel followed up on his feelings 1000% with actions, with sacrifice, with accountability, with concrete attempts at correcting his mistakes, with compassion for others. With Dean Winchester (I have almost zero mental energy devoted to Sam so I can't say one way or another) the emotions are like another layer of flannel, just a costume, a badge (and sometimes justification for bad behavior).

Anyway thanks for sending the ask, sorry for the delay in response as I had to leave for work and I don't do tumblr during a work day.

#ask #my rambles #dean critical

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