#SOME RANDOM HOMELESS MAN | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cult-of-husbandos · 8 months

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yami ai [yandere] - Hot Yandere Singles Near You

synopsis: you click on a random pop-up ad and are visited by weird smiling man in suit.

genre: pure crack (like fr), fluff, tbh there's not really a plot

word count: 4.4k

warnings: implied stalking

Isn’t insomnia just the worst? Like, seriously? What’s the point of being a human being with antiquated thoughts and impressive cognitive and motor skills when your brain fights you on the most basic stuff. For example, like sleeping!!

You must’ve refreshed YouTube and Twitter over a thousand times. Over 8 billion people in the world and there’s no new content anywhere? You groaned and jumped back over onto Twitter, silently praying and pleading for something new to show up on your feed. Maybe a wacky billionaire got eaten by a mob of homeless people or maybe a news article about a Floridian doing something gross and outrageous and virtually impossible.

But nope. Nothing.

Not a single thing piqued your interest. You groaned again and looked at the time on your dimly lit phone. It was past 2 a.m. and you were bored out of your mind. You then lazily clicked on Google and sighed.

‘Maybe someone posted a new fanfic over something…’ you hoped. And even if there wasn’t a new fic uploaded you’ll just read the old ones you favorited. Perhaps reading something might put you to sleep.

As you were scrolling through your favorite ship tags, you were startled by a pop up ad covering up 90% of the screen and flashing emojis.

“Ugh… seriously?” you groaned. “They should make ad-blockers on phones for this shit.” You squinted at the bright lettering emanating from your phone even though it was at the lowest brightness setting.

⚠️(99+) Hot Yandere Singles NEAR YOU⚠️

Yandere’s…? Singles? Near me?

The pop-up ad had flashing peach, cherry, and eggplant emojis with a water splash emoji at the end to signify… well, you’re not sure what it was trying to signify. On the sides of the ad, it showed pictures of very gorgeous men and women, all striking suggestive poses. Underneath the title was a small summary that read. ‘These lonely desperate yanderes wanna meet you! They’ll most likely find you anyway, but wouldn’t you rather be the honey to a bee instead of a fly? Try it NOW for FREE!! No hookups! No catfishes! No sign ups!’ Then below that were a few empty boxes to fill out requiring your personal information.

"..."

Was this a porn ad?!

No way at 2:45 in the freaking morning did you just get a porn pop-up ad while googling mafia au fanfiction. This has to be some kind of joke. Maybe it was prank and someone was just fucking with you. And how and why would there be 99+ yanderes in your area?! You couldn’t be surrounded by that many psychos. Could you? Whatever the case may be, it was now past 2 a.m. and as the rule of life states ‘Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.’. You don’t know if it was the lack of sleep or just reckless curiosity, but you gave your shoulders a shrug and mumbled a ‘fuck it’ as you put in your information. Your name, number, gender, age, preferred sex, email, and mailing address. As you clicked submit and continued scrolling, you gave very little thought about how this would go down.

On one hand, the ad turns out to be real and you get a partner out of this. Or

You get quartered, stalked, doxxed, and murdered like the dumbass you are for putting your personal info into a sketchy porno-like pop-up on Google.

Or, it turns out to be a prank and some asshole sitting in a basement has a good laugh at you.

Meh. You’ll deal with it in the morning.

*****

You were jolted awake with the sound of rapid knocking coming from your front door. You groaned into your pillow as you tried to ignore the person desperately wanting your attention from outside your apartment. You finally got some sleep only for it to get interrupted. Only minutes and minutes of continued knocking without any signs of letting up, you decide to get up and shoo away whoever it was. You wearily grabbed your phone to check the time.

8:02 a.m.

You huffed as you stormed towards the front door.

“If this a fucking Jehova’s Witness, I swear to god…” you grumbled. You swung open the door and threw the person a harsh glare, only to be met with popping sounds as confetti flew in your face.

“Good morning, my dear darling~!! Are you ready to begin on the road to happiness and love?” the stranger shouted a far too happy tone for 8 in the morning.

You took a step back in shock, fully awake as you waved and dusted the confetti from your face and hair. You looked the strange man up and down. He was smiling ear to ear and wore an expensive looking suit to warm for the summer weather. A briefcase stood right beside him along with dozens of other party poppers and a white plastic bag filled with brown bottles with oddly enough no labels on them. You looked at the man’s face. He was surprisingly attractive and without a single flaw anywhere. His hair was jet black and shined a very prominent gloss. You were honestly kind of embarrassed to be seen by him when you looked like such a mess. The man let out a chuckle.

“Oh my.” he said, gently putting his hand over his mouth with vague concern. “I hope I didn’t startle you too much. I probably should’ve sent you an email notifying you of the time I was coming. I’m sorry that must’ve been a troubling awakening.”

You quirked your eyebrow and took another step back, grabbing onto the doorknob so that you could slam it right in his face if things got too weird.

“And… you are?”

“Oh my, oh my. Where are my manners? How careless of me to assume.” The man bowed with a curtsy. “I am the ‘Matchmaker’. My job is to pair two people with their fated soulmate and give each of my clients their happily ever after. It’s very nice to meet you, (Y/N) (L/N).”

You felt a chill crawl down your spine. How’d this weirdo know your name?! You tried to close the door as fast as you could, but the ‘Matchmaker’ was even faster. He clicked his tongue at you, his smile unchanging, but his eyes seemed to harden his gentle tone.

“My, how rude. Is that any way to treat a guest?” He let out another chuckle. “You’ll never find love that way.”

“H-How did you know my name?” you stuttered.

Again, another chuckle. What was so funny? “My dear~. You gave it to me.”

What the hell was he talking about? How could you have given this creep your name? Was he a stalker? A junkie? Noticing the confusion on your face, the man spoke up again.

“Oh my dear. Do you really not remember?” he asked, tilting his head in feign innocence. “You filled out an ad to meet singles in your area. And here I am, coming to fulfill that ad.”

You eased up on the tension you had on the door and tilted your head in surprised confusion. “That was a real ad?”

The man stood up tall and smiled earnestly again. “Of course. However, you are the first person to actually fill out that ad. Really, this is more of a celebration to both of us.”

Huh, so the pop-up ad was real.

Not a prank.

And now there’s a psycho standing at your front door promising you a partner from an actual yandere.

“I honestly thought it was a prank. I mean… yanderes? Isn’t that just an anime thing?”

“Oh, I assure you my darling.” he said with a snide smirk. “Yanderes are real. And when they heard about signing up, it was like tossing chicken in a sea of alligators. All clamoring to be the first person to take a bite.”

Okay, gross but kind of sweet.

“May I come in?”

“Huh?”

“Well, my dear. It would be easier to come in and talk through the process of how this goes instead of standing here.”

“Oh, um… Suuuree-”

“Great! My my darling~. What a lovely home. Very well decorated.” The man quickly strided into your house and made himself comfortable in your living room, looking as if he was analyzing every detail about your house.

Richard Chase would’ve loved your dumbass.

You shut the door and followed him into your own apartment and offered him a seat on your couch. Might as well, right? You’ve gone this far and you're still alive.

“Umm…” you hesitantly shifted from one foot to another. “Do you… um… want some coffee maybe? Or tea? Maybe a glass of water? If you haven;t eaten breakfast yet, I whip you up something.”

Yeah, sure. Feed the man with only a title for a name and waltzed right into your house after showing up after you put in your personal information into a random pop-up ad at 3 a.m. promising you a happy life with hot single yanderes in your area. You are the pinnacle of human genius. The apex of natural selection. The creme de la creme of common sense. Charles Darwin would be so impressed.

“How thoughtful. Just coffee would be fine. Thank you.”

After brewing a quick pot, you sat across from the man facing him heads on and gently slid him his steaming cup. After a while of taking little sips in weird silence, he spoke up again.

“Before we continue, I’d just like to say: Thank you so much for applying for this wonderful opportunity!! Not many people would click on an ad requiring doxxing information to meet their soulmates! Again, congrats on being our number one willing client!”

“Willing client?” you asked.

“Well, of course! For some reason, humans seem to really love the idea of a yandere until there’s one standing on their front porch!” he laughed.

“Humans? I’m sorry. Are you not human, Mr…?”

“Ah ah! No need for formalities! Just ‘The Matchmaker’ or simply ‘Matchmaker’.

“Oh, so… you don’t have a true name? Or is that just a title?”

“Oh darling~.” he sang sweetly. “That’s none of anyone’s fucking business, is it?”

Your eyes widened and let out a nervous chuckle. “Okay, got it! Just Matchmaker. Lovely name. Adore it. In fact, I love when strange mysterious men only give a title for a name.” What the hell does that even mean? You had no idea what you were saying anymore.

“Heh, smart cookie.” He winked. “Shall we begin?”

“Um, yeah, so… how does this work exactly?” you finally asked.

“Simple, my dear darling. Think of this as an ordinary matchmaking appointment. I have a stack of potential soulmates all ready to meet you. I have the same information about them that I also have of you. Each potential soulmate also has a picture so if you don’t really feel up to meeting face-to-face just yet you can look over the picture and see who captures your heart.”

“Face-to-face? So these guys have my picture too?” “Of course! And might I say, those pictures don’t do you justice. In all my years in this business, I’ve never seen such an obsession and overload of potential soulmates for just one person.”

You lightly blushed. “I-I don’t know about that… I barely got any sleep last night so I probably look like a zombie right now…”

“Au contraire, Darling. You look absolutely stunning. If I weren’t such a professional I would burn all these forms and claim you as my one and only~.”

You felt your entire face flush red as the Matchmaker pierced your soul with his longing gaze. It felt like he was staring into your very essence – like he could read you like a book. You nervously cleared your throat and shifted your eyes away, hoping to bring down your blush.

“S-So! Um… should we get started?” you stuttered, internally kicking yourself for being so easily flustered by a couple of smooth words. Ted Bundy would’ve had a field day with your dumbass.

“Ready whenever you are, my dear.” The Matchmaker set his briefcase on your coffee table and pulled out a single form and slid it over towards you. “Let’s start off with an easy one.”

You looked at the form along with the picture of a very attractive man paperclipped to the paper. According to the form, his name is Hamazawa Akita. He was in his early 20’s, had a varying array of hobbies from hiking to scuba diving, and was very much in love with you.

“Well, what do you think?”

“Hm, well, he’s very cute. And very active.”

“Would you like to meet him?”

“Um, sure… is there a number I could call or…?”

“No need! We can bring him in right now.” The Matchmaker snapped his fingers and you whipped your head towards the front door where Akita strolled in, all smiles. You looked back over the Matchmaker. “Did I not lock my door? Wait. More importantly, how’d he get here?!”

The Matchmaker smiled. “My dear, when you’re in this business you pick up a few tricks.” He then turned his attention towards Akita who now stood in the middle of the living room. “No. 1 would you like to introduce yourself?”

Akita stood tall and his eyes seemed to beam directly at you. “My name is Hamazawa Akita. Ever since I saw your picture I’ve dreamed about sweeping you off your feet and claiming you all to myself!”

“So, like 8 hours ago?”

“Yes!! But those hours feel like years when being away from you.”

“Hmm.”

“So, what do you think? Are you feeling the butterflies?”

You looked up Akita up and down and your face twisted as if you’re deciding on whether or not to buy a car or a piece of clothing.

“Um, to be honest my guy. I’m not feeling it.”

“Huh?”

“Excuse me, my darling?”

“Weeeelllll…. I mean, don’t get me wrong! You’re very attractive and your words are sweet, but I don’t think I believe any of it. Like, you just admitted to wanting me all to yourself only 8 hours ago, but I don’t really feel anything. Not even a shiver.”

The Matchmaker and Akita both looked at each other like they weren’t really expecting that. With a quick wave of his hand, Akita slumped his shoulders and headed towards your front door. You shouted out an apology as the dejected suitor walked out.

“Well, I didn’t expect that. I don’t normally get such competent clients. At least those that get past kicking and screaming.” The Matchmaker grinned. You shrugged.

“I guess I just know what I like. All the anime I’ve watched kind of gives you that high standard of what makes a yandere a real yandere, y’know?”

He nodded. “I cannot agree more. Well, we have plenty more where that came from. Shall we continue?”

*****

Papers were strewn across your coffee table in an unorganized fashion as both you and your estranged guest were tired beyond belief. You had no idea how many hours had passed nor how many guests were in and out of your apartment. You’re honestly surprised none of your neighbors complained or called the police. Your apartment would’ve looked like a clown car if anyone had been watching from the outside. You honestly lost count after No. 256. You let out another yawn and laid on your side trying your best to keep your eyes open. Maybe 2 hours of sleep wasn’t enough for the multiple interviews you had to conduct today. Maybe your 9th grade biology teacher was right. Maybe you are going to die alone. A weary sigh brought you from your thoughts.

“My, my. You are definitely the most high standard client I’ve ever had. I didn’t think we’d get to the triple digits in just one day.”

You also sighed and sat up in your seat. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… All these guys are cute and all, but they’re all lacking something. They’re either too forceful or not forceful enough. Too wimpy or too strong. Or too obsessed or just incredibly so lovesick that I feel like they’d fall in love with just about anyone who’d be willing. Ugh, why can’t this be simpler like adopting an animal?” You groaned. You also hadn’t thought this would take this long. You didn’t really think of yourself as having high standards until today. Until today, you’d be happy with anyone close to you in age and with a heartbeat. Who knew picking out a yandere soulmate would be so challenging. And who knew that there’d be so many willing participants! The Matchmaker reached into his briefcase and pulled another stack of forms and slid them over to you. There must be at least over a hundred papers in front of you. How did he have so many?!

“How about we switch things up, hm? You’ll look over the papers and when you see someone that catches your eye, I’ll bring him in.” He made it sound like you were adopting a dog or a cat. But if this made it go any faster, you were willing to try.

After about 3 more stacks of papers, you were starting to lose hope and patience. When you got to the last few papers, you stopped dead in your tracks. Woah baby!

“Woah baby!” you exclaimed.

“Did you find someone you like?” The Matchmaker asked hopefully.

“Oh yeah. This guy.” You showed him the paper. He furrowed his brows a little.

“Are you sure? I don’t think I remember this man. His name and face don’t seem familiar.”

“Really? Maybe he’s a late entry or something?”

Matchmaker stroked his chin in thought. “I’ll go check it out. Be right back, dear. I’m very sorry for this inconvenience.”

You waved off his apology with a smile and he left your apartment. You then leaned back with a groan. You just wanted to find your ‘soulmate’ or whatever and move on with this day. You closed your eyes for a second and waited patiently for Matchmaker to come back.

Tap tap tap

Just like deja vu, you were awoken by rapid knocking. Except this time it wasn’t coming from your front door.

Tap tap tap tap

It sounds like it’s coming from… your window?

Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap

You quickly got up and walked towards your window and opened it.

“Woah!” You jumped back a little as you were met face to face with the man that you had picked out and that the Matchmaker went to go find.

‘Wow… he’s even cuter in person!!’

He let out a delicious chuckle and gave you a charming smile.

“I didn’t mean to scare you, darling~. Hehe, though I think that fear in your eyes was worth it. So adorable~.” For the second time today, a complete weirdo stranger has made you blush. Wait…

“Wait! I don’t have a balcony and I’m on the third floor. How’d you-?” You peeked over the window to see if he was pulling a Criss Angel.

“I have incredible grip strength~.” he winked.

“Oooh I’m sure~.” you swooned. For a weirdo, he was a smooth talking weirdo.

“Oh, I got these for you, sweetheart~.” He pulled himself up and sat on your windowsill and pulled out a bouquet of roughly cut flowers from behind him. You gasped and grabbed them, giving them a smell.

“These are my favorite!! How did you know? I don’t think that was one of the pieces of info required for the Matchmaker.” you asked.

The stranger chuckled. “Easy. I never filled out that stupid application.”

You looked up from your flowers and titled your head like a confused puppy.

“I already know everything about you. I don’t need a stupid piece of paper to tell me what I already know about you. Like, how I know that you have secret sweets hidden all throughout your room. Or that whenever you have a good day you love to sing Stray Kids.”

He inched closer to you as you backed up further into the room.

“You won’t eat frozen pizza, but every so often you eat a lobster roll from a food truck from Gary on Main St.. You have life destroying evidence of your boss that you’re planning on using on your last day. You’ve seen the Barbie movie 5 times. And…”

You felt your legs hit the couch and tried to keep yourself from falling onto your back like a defenseless turtle.

“Your favorite anime is… Dar-” You quickly covered the stranger’s mouth with a furious blush.

“I only watch it ironically!! I don’t love it! It’s not my favorite!” you quickly clarified. The gravity of the situation was made perfectly clear after that. This man really knew all about you. Honestly, you’re so loud that you’re pretty sure that people on the ground outside could hear you singing. And you don’t really pay attention to your surroundings so it's easy for someone to know that you eat from a food truck every other week at specific times. But, knowing your favorite secretly watched anime?

“W-Who… are you?” you stuttered. You’re pretty sure you already knew the answer.

He laughed and you felt his lips brush against your fingers. You blushed and tried to pull back, only to be stopped by his hands.

“Sweetie~. You already know who I am.” He grabbed the paper from the stack and put it next to his face. “See? I’m Yami Ai. Your soulmate.”

Before you could even process what was happening, you were gently pushed onto the couch with Yami hovering over you holding your hands beside your head. You couldn’t stop the blush erupting from your neck to your face. Your heart was beating way too fast and your stomach felt jumpy and queasy. Butterflies.

You cleared your throat. “Um… so, if you didn’t fill out a form then how come The Matchmaker had your profile and picture? And why didn’t you use the front door?”

Yami smirked and leaned in closer. “It’s pretty simple to pull off when your apartment does security checks on new guests entering the building.”

“But, my apartment doesn’t–” you stopped. “Ooooh… So you impersonated a security guard, slipped your profile and info into his briefcase, and were planning on showing up as one of the potential singles? That’s… convoluted. But, smart.” You shrugged. “And since you obviously knew which floor I was on and which window was mine, I assume you’ve been watching me for a while and were watching me last night when I couldn’t sleep?”

Yami laughed again. “You are so smart~. You really catch on quickly, don’t you?”

You shrugged again with a nervous smile. “W-Well, obviously not smart enough to not put in my personal info and have strange men come in and out of my apartment.”

Yami was quick to turn his gentle smile into a hard, harsh frown. His grip on your wrists grew tighter and you winced under the force he placed in you.

“You know, my darling. It’s partially my fault. If I hadn’t backed out and taken you that night, you’d never be in this situation. With those men eyeing you up and down like you were theirs. Having that smiling freak calling you ‘dear’ and ‘darling’ when only I can call you that. I was planning on getting rid of the competition, but you did that for me.”

Yami loosened his grip and lifted you up, staring into your eyes. You blushed again.

“Rejection after rejection. Some guys didn’t even get 2 words out before you turned away. Of course my darling would only want the most perfect man. Isn’t that right, darling~?”

“Hehehe~” you leaned in with a giggle. “You’re so sweet~.”

You are such a baby for flattery.

*****

“My dear darling, I’m so very sorry for the inconvenience. I didn’t mean to be gone for so long, but I could not find this person you–” Matchmaker explained, rushing in and stopping dead in his tracks when he saw both you and Yami, the man who left 30 minutes ago to go find, eating breakfast in the living room.

Sitting in his lap.

And feeding each other.

“Oh! Matchmaker!” you exclaimed, quickly swallowing your food. You didn’t notice Yami tightening his grip on your waist nor did you notice the cold glare and tense atmosphere enveloping the room. “Look who I found~.”

“I see…” he said hesitantly.

“He climbed up the building and came in through the window.”

“My~. How romantic~.” he sang. “So, I take it that you are satisfied with your soulmate? Or… do you wish to continue searching?” he asked teasingly. Before Yami could say anything, you quickly spoke again.

“Yep! I’m sure.” You ruffled Yami’s hair and nuzzled up against him. “I wouldn’t trade him for anyone else.” Yami hugged you closer to his chest as you giggled. “Plus, he makes the most amazing breakfast in the world, so extra points!” you cheered. You reached out towards the Matchmaker’s briefcase.

“Here you go! I put all the papers back in for you.”

Matchmaker quickly walked over and grabbed his briefcase along with your hand. “Well, my dear. It’s been an honor. You are truly the most remarkable and memorable client I have ever had.” he said with a bow and made his way towards the door. However, before leaving he chuckled and looked back at the both of you. “Although, it’s a shame,” he sighed. “Maybe if I had stayed, I would’ve snatched you up myself.”

And with a final loud laugh, The Matchmaker disappeared, but not before Yami stood up to lounge and attack the fleeting man like a guard dog. You snorted and caressed his face to calm him down. “Relax, Yami. He’s just joking.”

“Well, I hated his joke. Fuckin’ freak…” he grumbled. “And it’s Ai. You’re mine now. You should get used to calling each other by our first names.”

You smiled and leaned against him. “Okay, Ai. Whatever you say.”

“And if a man comes to the door, never EVER answer it, got it!”

“Mhm.”

“I’m serious, darling. I’ll gouge their eyes out right in front of you.”

“Yes sir.”

The rest of your life was going to be very interesting. Suck it, Ms. Braxton. I guess you’re the one dying alone. Because you have a yandere boyfriend! And she has gonorrhea. Bitch.

---

a/n: this is so shit. i'm so sorry that i've been MIA for a while. work has been pretty crazy and i haven't really felt much motivated to write. however, i'm trying to get back into it now. with this goofy shit. kind of a joke piece, but i needed to write something silly and not serious at all to relax. (also i've been writing since 4 a.m., so...) anyways, i'm going to try and update regulary or at least post something.

Here's my YouTube. I make anime playlists.

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radiance1 · 4 months

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So, Danny was effectively homeless.

His parents are dead, his sister is dead, his friends are dead. Hell, even Vlad, Vlad kicked the fucking bucket which, Danny genuinely never expected.

Vlad was supposed to be his nemesis, his main bad guy, the guy Danny's supposed to constantly pull everything out against just to win. Not to mention how significant his presence was.

A part of him assumed that Vlad would always be there and him not being there and knowing he won't be there ever again is... weird.

So you're probably asking, how exactly did this happen?

Well you see, the nasty burger exploded, for one thing. Then when he was under Vlad's care both of them got outed for being ghosts to the GIW, which was technically Danny's fault, since he did something extremely stupid.

Somehow they got caught, and life under the GIW was not great in the slightest. The constant experiments, the dehumanization (Sometimes Danny doesn't even register himself as human), the amount of times their feelings were utterly disregarded, and so, so much more.

The GIW found Vlad to be more dangerous than Danny, even if he lacked the raw power Danny had his intellect made him dangerous and for good reason. For it was because of said intellect that Danny managed to escape.

Vlad didn't manage to do the same.

Danny hated reliving that memory. Because Vlad was a villain, evil and self-serving, he shouldn't be sacrificing himself for his literal greatest enemy to escape in his stead (Not that Vlad would say Danny was his greatest, he would probably say it was the person who refused him to buy the packers). It was just, so utterly stupid and out of character for him.

So, Danny managed to escape, Vlad died. He couldn't even say anything about Dani because she got destabilized in front of him, in front of both of them actually. It hurt to watch and, he didn't quite know the specifics between Dani and Vlad anymore, but he thinks they were getting... better.

Not how it was when Dani was first created, but Vlad was working on mending it. Which, honestly, just makes everything worse.

Danny isn't powerless but it's a damn close thing. He's far weaker than he normally would be, and he's injured on top of that too boot, his powers can barely work and it's just so stupid.

So here he was, hiding out in some random sewer because he didn't want to take the risk of being on the surface and he hates the smell, but he'll take that over being experimented on again. So, Danny spends most of his time in the sewers of this place called Gotham, he even managed to make his own little area with a couch he stole and a few other appliances that were thrown out.

He lacked a Tv or laptop, but he found a yo-yo! Most of his time was spent practicing various tricks with his yo-yo.

It got boring fast. But it was really the only safe thing he could do when waiting for his powers to come back. At least he's a god at yo-yoing now.

It was while doing various tricks with it in some random sewer path, that a literal, goddamn crocodile-man just splashed up from sewer water and half-laid on the edge, since his lower body was still in the water.

Danny looked at his yo-yo, the crocodile, and then slowly stepped on over and gently poked the crocodile dude.

He made a sound, so he was alive!

Finally! Someone to appreciate his godly yo-yoing skills!

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dc x dp crossover #How did Dani get caught by the GIW?#Just assume she got caught along the way or sum #Anyways #Killer Croc just wanted a nap after being beaten up by Batman again #Why was a child in his sewers?#He doesn't even have the energy to try and eat the kid so he'll just #Let him do what he wants for now #Not like a normal child could ever threaten him #.#Why in the ever loving fuck was this kid showing him what he could do with a yo-yo???#Why is there a weird child with-impressive- yo-yo skills in his sewers????

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hedgehog-moss · 1 year

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(TW POLICE VIOLENCE)

France has been feeling like a police state this week, there were 5000 cops deployed in Paris yesterday (watch this video and tell me this is a normal amount of cops and they're behaving normally) and they keep acting like they have total immunity*, to beat up protesters, to arrest protesters, or just random people walking in the vicinity of a protest. My 70+-year-old dad tried to go to a peaceful protest and had to abandon the idea because of all the tear gas being used by police.

*Which they do—as Le Monde pointed out, the cops who are violent risk nothing because they can't be identified because almost none of them wear their identification number even though it's supposed to be mandatory. They're not being penalised for not wearing them, so why should they?

If you can stomach it, please have a look at the photos and videos on this Twitter account documenting French police brutality against protesters—as I write this, the most recent tweet is about a journalist who was beaten up by a BRAV-M cop* using his steel baton; he had his head cracked open and his hand broken.

(* BRAV-M is a motorised repression corps—cops on bikes—a unit that was dissolved in 1986 after some of them beat a student to death, who wasn't even attending a protest but walking near one. Macron changed the unit's name, from Voltigeurs to BRAV-M, and reestablished it to suppress the Yellow Vests protests. This week, a BRAV-M cop deliberately drove over a 19-year-old's leg at a protest after chasing him on his bike. The victim said he heard a cop say to others "Smash him." Another BRAV-M punched a protester unconscious on March 20. And today Le Monde published an article about BRAV-M cops being recorded bragging about "breaking elbows and faces.")

In Paris last week the CRS arrested a 14-year-old kid because they took him for a dangerous black bloc protester I guess?? A child spent a night in police custody without knowing why. They've also arrested several 15 / 16 year-olds. Let's teach the youth what happens when you exercise your right to protest!

On March 16th in Paris, within one evening, they arrested 292 people, and 283 were released without charges, which means they're mass-arresting people for peaceful protests as a strategy of intimidation. The student I mentioned in my post the other day, who spent 48 hours in custody and was eventually charged for refusing to have his DNA samples taken and filed, asked the cops why they were arresting him + 4 other people who were walking down the same street and they said "Because you look like fucking leftists."

The government tells us "We fully support our brave police forces" when the cops are arresting people for "looking like leftists." How are we still a democracy? The guy also mentioned that during the time he spent at the police station, the police was mostly arresting Maghrebis, though they made an exception for him, a Black guy. There are videos from the past week of cops beating up women, tear gassing protesters in the face from 20cm away, kicking protesters in the face when they're already on the ground, crushing their heads under their boot, brutalising a homeless man and old ladies, tear gassing crowds with young children in them. I'm having trouble finding links to these specific incidents I remember because there are so many videos circulating.

Look at this video, they're violently striking the back of people's heads with steel batons even when the protesters are already going in the direction they're told to. The little old lady shoved around and trying to protect her head from the strikes is breaking my heart.

Surely at the point when enforcers of state authority are arresting middle schoolers, beating up citizens for exercising their rights and gassing and pepper spraying elderly people, children and babies in strollers, the government might want to make some sort of statement condemning this state of affairs, but instead they have been telling us they're proud of & grateful for their police forces, which of course angers people and makes protests more violent. The Minister of the Interior, who supervises the police, praises them wholeheartedly and excuses all instances of deliberate brutality as 'isolated incidents' due to 'tiredness'.

Here's a thread in English describing a protester's experience—"Yesterday (March 23) the level of arbitrary police violence clearly leveled up. I was tear gassed three times without being able to move in a very dense crowd; policemen took advantage that people were unable to move more than 20cm to pounce on us and bludgeon us in a totally arbitrary manner." (you can see an example of this behaviour in this video from a different protest)

Yesterday, after a day of nationwide protests that brought a fresh new wave of video evidence of cops beating up protesters and making reckless use of tear gas—at the end of a day when a special ed teacher at a protest got her thumb torn off by a tear gas grenade—this is what the French Prime Minister said:

They're not even trying to play it off like "both sides made mistakes" they're telling us they condone everything the police is doing, that this is what they're deploying them for:

(screencap from this video)

(this is from this video, in which you can hear a woman screaming "Stop it! You're strangling him! You have no right! I'm filming you!" The cops don't seem to care about being filmed. They're beating up citizens with the government's full blessing after all.)

Macron's government is trying to intimidate people into giving up their right to protest, by deploying cops in huge numbers and publicly voicing complete support for their behaviour, by allowing them to beat and arrest hundreds of people and to use tear gas indiscriminately. Tear gas has been completely normalised as a means of state violence, it's very practical that it doesn't leave traces of blood or broken bones I guess, but it's still violence, it burns, it's a chemical whose effects on people's health we don't know a lot about.

^ Paris (from this vid; caption: "one tear gas grenade after the other")

Macron condescendingly told us there's no "magic money" which is why the pension reform is needed, but he did find the money to stockpile these apparently unlimited amounts of tear gas grenades to suppress protests against his reform to make poor people work longer.

^ Nantes (screencap from a vid in which the cops throw three or four grenades at once and you can hear people say "oh come on, seriously? this is crazy. Why? go fuck yourselves" in a tired tone)

We've also found out yesterday that three Corsican MPs were pressured not to support the Assembly's no-confidence vote against the government—by being told if they didn't vote it, a teaching hospital would be built in Corsica.

The island of Corsica is the only region of France that doesn't have a teaching hospital; due to lack of medical resources Corsicans often have to travel to mainland France for healthcare. Just last month the Minister of Health said sorry, still no teaching hospital for Corsica, it's just not possible right now. Then last week some "magic money" was apparently found to build it but only if the Corsican MPs didn't support the no-confidence vote. I know this kind of thing isn't exactly unique in politics but Macron has been slashing hospital budgets to the point that 20% of French hospital beds are closed due to lack of staff, and he used the health of 340,000 French citizens as a bribe to save his ass. The three Corsican MPs ended up voting in favour of the no-confidence vote despite of that, as it was what their constituents wanted (honour to them). Macron's government survived the no-confidence vote by only 9 votes.

Whatever legitimacy Macron has as a President right now is being clung to by MP corruption and police repression. How do we move forwards knowing that, I don't know. How does he have legitimacy to govern on any issues after the way he handled this reform and the following protests? His police forces are drowning city centres in tear gas, a chemical whose effect on birds and other fauna is not known, and we're supposed to listen to him talk about the environment? They're wasting thousands of litres of water using water cannons to disperse protesters, and we're supposed to listen to him talk about low groundwater levels and how we need to save water? I was going to say, what about his legitimacy abroad but other Western governments don't seem too bothered so far by his handling of the protests—though I'm grateful that Amnesty International did condemn it, and that a Belgian deputy made a speech in Parliament this week asking his government to condemn Macron's use of violent police repression.

[Wait, I just saw that as I was writing this post, the Council of Europe condemned the "excessive use of force" in France. Saying that 'sporadic acts of violence' of some protesters can't 'justify the excessive use of force by agents of the State' or 'deprive peaceful protesters of their right to freedom of assembly'. This is the opposite framing as the one our government is standing by—sporadic acts of violence by cops that are either justified or excusable—it's refreshing.]

Between that and Charles III cancelling his visit (and lots of tourists cancelling trips to Paris which is bound to piss off the tourism industry) and our own media waking up and starting to talk about the government's brutality, I hope Macron starts being held accountable. He has been fanning the flames of this crisis at every turn, by telling us that the crowds protesting in the street have 'no legitimacy', by sending cops to break strikes even though striking is a Constitutional right (but the only part of the Constitution he cares about is the one that starts with 49.3), by condemning the protesters when asked to condemn police violence—saying "When [protesters] use violence, unregulated, absolute, we're no longer in a Republic." I agree, but he's describing himself.

When you resort to using article 49.3 to bypass the National Assembly for the 11th time this term to impose a reform that 70% of the country is against (and 93% of working people) that will force the poorer classes of the population to work longer, and your only response to people's distress at being told to work until they die is to force them to accept it by allowing your police forces to beat up protesters, to arrest them and to gas them, you have failed as a democratic leader.

The next organised protest and strike is next Tuesday (if you want to give something to the strike solidarity fund, here it is); in the meantime spontaneous protests are still erupting pretty much every day and cops are getting burnt out (good! There are fun videos from yesterday's protests of cops accidentally tear gassing one another, or a police car accidentally running into another as people laugh and clap.) And yes some protesters are getting more extreme and destructive, but Macron is the one choosing to stand by his reform at all costs and let this country burn. And when I look at what we're being expected to tolerate and to normalise, I'm kind of proud that French people's gut reaction was "burn it all."

Some popular Twitter hashtags for the protests:

#ToutCramer - Burn everything #CensurePopulaire - People's no-confidence vote #MacronDémission - Macron resign #OnLâcheRien - We won't cede an inch.

#frpol #i know french people who aren't following this closely aren't aware of how bad things got #as i said our media is finally commenting on CRS and BRAV-M behaviour but seeing the videos #for the protests is kind of necessary i feel to see how omnipotent the police feel thanks to macron #his ''fuck you i've already passed the reform idgaf about your protests'' attitude in the face of all this is unforgiveable #even if he somehow sees the light it won't erase all the violence and destruction that he caused #and that he doesn't care about #not to mention the damage done to democracy

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leatherbookmark · 2 years

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as i was drifting off to sleep last night, my brain presented me with a vision of doing some shopping, except instead of using a card like a normal person, i opened a packet of ham in my basket and took out one slice to pay. i laughed myself out of sleep

#sometimes -- very rarely -- my brain comes up with such random nonsense that im just. thank you but WHERE did it come from #a couple of years ago i had a dream that me n my mother were on a walk when a homeless man accosted us asking for some money #and we were like shit sorry we don't have cash.... to which he was like worry not! and pulled out a card terminal #shrimp thoughts

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valquiriazinha · 3 months

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Demon bros in the human realm where they don't know how to use the washing machines and end up putting more soap than they should and the machine blows up, making bubbles everywhere (like this one Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse episode flashbacking to spaghetti night)

Asmo tries to take a pic for Devilgram and a pretty chick shows up and asks for his Instagram and he says: "What Instagram? I only have Devilgram if you want to follow me back <3"

Levi catching a virus on his PC when trying to download Minecraft for free and thinking he's going to die bc in Devildom they put curses on the user for installing illegally, so he throws the PC outta the window

Belphegor gets kidnapped thinking the nice man from the white van was another type of ice cream truck and it's up to Lucifer, MC and Beel to rescue him

The seven simply forget that they are NOT known as the overlords in the human realm so when someone tries to rob them while on the streets they just stand there like 🧍 asking themselves the fucking audacity to assault one of the literal seven sins

SATAN TRYING TO MAKE ANY BOOKSTORE MEMBERSHIP AND HAVING TO WRITE HIS OWN NAME 💀💀💀 imagine the poor bookstore employees there watching him write "Satan Morningstar" (or whatever his surname is) in silence

Beel discovers that restaurants can contact other restaurants to ban one person from different establishments because they don't have that in the Devildom... Because yk... he's literally Beelzebub...

Hence Mammon getting banned from different stores just like Beel

Asmo clicking on those "hot single moms in your area" ads and got a virus in Levi's second PC

Imagine if one of them discovers that Brazil has a giant Jesus Christ fucking T-posing and that a lot of people go there yearly just to snap a pic of the statue

Belphie sleeping on a random park bench and getting woken up by a patrolling guard thinking he is a homeless dude...

They get too fascinated by the technology and spend hours just looking at the electronics in different stores (Mammon gets banned from this store too for attempted robbery) and recommend to put some of them in the Devildom when they come back

Lucifer dealing with Karen's when shopping 🧍 this would be so fucking funny

Or all of the demon bros just dealing with humans constantly saying "Oh my god!" "Jesus fucking Christ!" or my favorite "Not today Satan"

#obey me #om #omswd #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me shall we date #please god let this happen it would be so fucking funny

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mariacallous · 9 months

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The problem with judging people for their sins is that the internet makes it exceedingly easy to invent sins. In February, Buzzfeed News reported on a man filmed by a passing TikTokker, who then uploaded the footage with text suggesting he’d lied to her to get out of a date. That was false—he’d never met her—but it didn’t stop people from ridiculing him as the video racked up over a million views.

Similarly, last year, an Australian woman objected to being made the star of a stunt in which a TikTokker asked her to hold a bouquet, strolled off, and then congratulated himself on performing a random act of kindness. Sixty million hits later, his viewers were praising him for brightening the day of a woman they judged to be old, lonely, and sad. But she objected to that characterization and declared the whole affair “dehumanizing.” She hadn’t asked to have her day interrupted, let alone be thrust into a global spotlight.

And then there are those incapable of even grasping the situation. In 2022, a TikTok channel was called out for surreptitiously filming the homeless with drones. Loved ones with dementia are put on TikTok to be infantilized or have their worst moments gawked at. Parents transform their children into viral stars. Sometimes, those children grow up and call them out for warping their youth.

When people tell us it was harrowing and wrong to be unwillingly cast into the spotlight, we nod and agree. But those responsible typically offer only half-hearted apologies or remain unrepentant, while their millions of views discourage reflection. Often, moral scolding is implicit in the video and explicit in the comments: It is wrong to be homeless. It is gross to be ill. It is pathetic to be unhappy.

To be sure, crass and hateful public figures are worthy of ridicule. And we’ve been using the internet to judge strangers for as long as we’ve had the internet. But the common trait shared by much of the most obnoxious content today is that someone chose to elevate a stranger for no reason beyond their own gratification, attracting attention at a scale unimaginable in the days of relics like Hot or Not and People of Wal-Mart.

At best, these are misguided attempts to juice the poster’s social media presence. At worst, they are pointless cruelty. That cruelty can be addictive, but we can and must resist the urge to gawk at strangers against their will. It should, in fact, be considered rude, insulting, and wrong to have uploaded a stranger against their will. We would not go out into the streets and stir up a mob against a random person. Why are we so comfortable with doing it online?

Much of what we post online is innocent and will remain so. The average Facebook user has 338 friends, while the average number of Instagram followers, according to one estimate, is just 150. You likely use these platforms to follow celebrities and brands, and to interact with friends and family. These are, for most users, insular communities. Vacation photos with friends or a family portrait at Christmas are unlikely to attract trolls and creeps, and even if they do, they are clearly posted in good faith.

But some platforms, like TikTok and Twitter, are more exposed to the vagaries and cruelties of the wider world. Anything you post on them can wind up in the feed of people who don't follow you. Therefore, anyone can become the day’s punching bag. Does your relative really understand what could happen if you put your interaction with them on TikTok?

Maybe you know better than to post Grandpa on Twitter without thinking it through. We know whether our friends and family like attention and whether they understand social media ecosystems, and with this knowledge we are capable of making informed decisions as to whether and on what platforms we should post them. We do not have the same knowledge of strangers. That can be a reason to not post them, but it can also be an excuse to post them without thinking.

If it came out that an influencer uploaded an interaction with a stranger to a private Facebook page or Discord server solely so their closest friends and family could pick them apart, it would rightly be considered misanthropic. And yet uploading a stranger so millions can mock and over-analyze them is just the business of content. That business needs to change.

It’s exceedingly unlikely we’ll ever eliminate jackassery from the internet, but a social media mishap involving a friend or family member can be resolved with communication.

It is harder for a complete stranger to succeed in that endeavor, especially when “Look at this weirdo I found, please gape at them” is the text or subtext of so many videos and posts by accounts that thrive on content starring the unwilling. Such content must become anathema. Particular thought must be taken before posting an interaction with a stranger, and the consent of a stranger to be posted at all is necessary to retain an internet that is even remotely civil. If someone does post a stranger without their consent, they should be shunned, not rewarded with the attention they crave.

The vast majority of disputes with unruly neighbors are solved by talking to them. Ideally, the law only gets involved when lines of communication break down. The same can be true of digital disputes.

We have privacy laws. If I were to post your name, address, and phone number, you would have legal recourse. And yet the same is not true for your image. Today, at least, you surrender your right to privacy by stepping into public. But outdated privacy laws are catching up to the abuses of government and tech, and the issues raised by social media virality could be next.

Still, a blanket law against posting strangers without their consent would be draconian and unworkable. There are too many variables, too many circumstances, and simply too many cases. However, whole generations who have been online since birth—sometimes unwillingly—could grow up to be more sensitive to the downsides of posting without permission, prompting a normative shift.

More specific laws are already evolving to handle some scenarios raised by nonconsensual virality, specifically as it applies to children. Irina Raicu of Santa Clara University’s Internet Ethics Program points out that a recent French law entitles child influencers to demand that platforms scrub all trace of them once they turn 16. The YouTube career their parents create for them—or force on them—need not be what defines them as adults. The United States is considering a similar law; a woman who testified to a House committee said the details of her first period were turned into content.

Another law being considered in France would make parents responsible for their children’s privacy rights. Le Monde cites, as an example of fame-seeking behavior that France is hoping to discourage, TikTokkers scaring their children by pretending to call the police on them, and an Instagrammer who smeared chocolate on her 4-year-old and convinced them they were covered in feces. We will eventually wonder how parents were able to get away with this at all.

So those who cannot consent are starting to be protected. But what about those who could consent, but don’t? And what if, as some unwillingly viral subjects have found, reaching out and asking for posts to be removed is met with silence or rejection?

In reality we already practice social media consent; it is not unusual to ask a friend if they’re alright with having a picture posted to Instagram, even though the face they make as they try to cram an unusually large sandwich into their mouth is not a flattering one. And yet we continually fail to extend this courtesy to strangers, either because we think nothing of it or because it is our job to go viral at all costs.

Some of this, as Raicu points out, can be blamed on the platforms we use, which encourage hair triggers. “There are ways in which the design choices behind many websites make it harder for all of us to think about consent,” Raicu wrote in an email. She points to the sheer ease of posting and the fact that norms around social media consent have not solidified. But she notes that platforms could “introduce some friction” in the form of, essentially, reminders that other people are human before you hit Post.

Future platforms could work to curtail shaming, either out of moral compulsion or legal necessity. Much as you can report harassment to social media platforms, posts that have elevated you to infamy against your will should be fair targets.

Lines have been drawn before. YouTube banned dangerous pranks and challenges after people were hurt and complaints mounted. TikTok is trying to tweak its algorithm in response to growing concerns that young users are awash in content encouraging suicide and incel ideology. Content made from those unable or unwilling to consent is a broad category that cannot be wiped out with algorithmic tweaks, but the damage is still happening, and we have the power to collectively declare that some forms of content are unacceptable and must no longer be tolerated.

Perhaps, given the increasing universality of social media usage—83 percent of Gen Z uses TikTok—platform-embedded tools could establish consent. Before posting a video of someone, an influencer could ask their username and send them a simple, stock contract granting them permission to post. Again, this need not apply to every random photo of friends. It could be optional, or it might apply only when an account reaches a certain threshold of followers. But a lack of permission could give a user cause when they cite unwanted virality and negative attention when asking for a post to be removed.

But most of the work will fall to people. It's difficult enough to remember that the man being a bit rude in the grocery store line is a fallible human being with hopes and dreams; it can be almost impossible to remind yourself of that when viewing a contextless clip of someone halfway across the hemisphere. The internet is capable of connecting us to tremendous numbers of people, even as it makes us forget that they are human like us.

An influencer comfortable with filming themselves for thousands of viewers should be comfortable with approaching a stranger and saying, “Would you mind appearing in a video I’m making? I’m going to post it on this platform, and I have this many followers. Take a minute to check me out.” Some already do, and surely there are people who would be happy to receive a free bouquet in exchange for appearing in a TikTokker’s silly stunt. But a no should be taken as a no, just as it should in any other scenario involving consent.

It’s all too easy to skip this step today. People who speak out when they feel harmed by what an influencer did with their image receive only a tiny fraction of the attention that the original posts featuring them got. But when an influencer is repeatedly called out for exploiting strangers—or when their exploitation is obvious, such as when they prey on the homeless—they should be frozen out of the social media ecosystem, not rewarded with attention and profit.

In the future, how will we be able to see such casual cruelty as anything but unethical? Maybe stories of regret are a sign of what’s to come. Brianna Wu, one of the victims of GamerGate, says she has fielded over 100 apologies, often from people who were at their lowest and saw her as an easy outlet for their emotions. But we generally don’t take our frustrations out on people on the street; understanding that people deserve to be protected from unsolicited online fame and malice is the next logical step.

We no longer parade people through villages on a cart or lock them in pillories in the town square to shame them, as was done in centuries past. We did not stop enforcing laws and norms, but we recognized that humiliation and ostracization are harsh, counterproductive tools. Eventually, we will make that realization about the strangers we parade across the internet.

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eggplant-crusader · 11 months

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Just saw Across the Spider-Verse for the second time, here's a few things I noticed (spoilers!):

When the Spot is explaining how he brought the spider to their universe, I'm pretty sure we see a glimpse of the spider being snatched when it was about to bite a very classic Peter Parker. I don't think this confirms he was supposed to be the Spider-Man of that universe (instead of 42!Miles), since this is just a depiction of what the Spot is saying and he doesn't know. Also I'm not sure I saw right. (EDIT: THIS IS WRONG! The guy I thought was Peter was 100% not him, just some random person, I think, and behind him was 42!Miles! the spider was clearly about to bite MiLES!)

I had realized Hobie went to the Society because he knew there was trouble, but I hadn't caught that he actually tried to prevent Miles from going altogether! Then when he realized that was happening he decided to tag along (I love him so much he instantly decides he's in Miles' corner til the end)

Before meeting Gwen, Jeff and Rio comment how Ganke calls them by their first name and they don't like that.

There was so much going on the first time that I didn't stop to think, but after Gwen is kicked out back to her world, she goes home JUST TO GRAB HER PICTURE WITH MILES. Like, she gets in, grabs the picture, and goes straight back to the window. She was ready to be homeless, she just couldn't leave the one bit of him she had left behind.

I thought I saw Spider-Ham in the space elevator or vertical train or whatever part of the chase. I might be wrong though.

Miles didn't turn invisble once during the escape. This is proof he 100% was planning on luring everyone out, he WANTED to be seen.

Gwen is So Jelaous of spider-byte! She even pulls Miles away with a web like it's a leash lmao, but even before that, she's just not into that bonding.

When Miles beats Jess and Peter gives her shit, she actually smiles. She seems mostly impressed, not really annoyed.

The "We're supposed to be the good guys!" Moment is there mostly for her. Her reaction is the impactful one, she's shaken.

The hoodie Miles puts on when he arrives at his room in earth 42 is prowler purple.

#across the spiderverse #spider-verse #across the spider-verse #spiderverse #atsv spoilers #spider-verse spoilers

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strawbeelemonade · 11 months

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PLATONIC HEADCANNONS: being miles morales best friend but your also a bit insane (Part 2!)

i'm gonna try to remember to start specifying when something is intended to be platonic or romantic.

🕷- I was literally unable to cram everything I wanted to say in the first one.

🕷- Miles is really only comfortable showing you his drawings.

🕷- He's an incredibly awkward guy, but the words come so easily when he hangs out with you. he doesn't choke up like he does with other people at school.

🕷- When he gets his powers his first instinct is to call you. He’s literally halfway through punching your number into the keypad until he stops and decides against it. He knows your number off by heart now.

🕷- You appear and disappear like a ghost its so random.

🕷- Honest to god, he lowkey thought you were homeless until you invited him over to watch Barbie Mermaidia.

🕷- “Bibble is so me.”

🕷- He’s the only person you let over at your place. its small and in the basement of an old apartment complex. the landlord couldn’t get anyone to pay to live there. you live alone.

🕷- You struck a deal, and they let you crash there as long as rent was on time and you fixed their washing machine for free.

🕷- Miles asked how you got to live there for so cheap. You tell him it’s because someone died on the couch he was sitting on.

🕷- He sits on the floor.

🕷- Miles is so eager to share his new powers with someone.

🕷- No seriously, between all the stress and lying and anxiety its nice to let himself get excited about it. To let himself have fun and see what he can do.

🕷- You guys TOTALLY video tape him trying out his new powers for the first time.

🕷- I can imagine you finding an abandoned alleyway on some random ass street after school and filming Miles Trying to do a backflip LMAO.

🕷- You gotta fish him out of a trashcan after he tries to spider climb up the wall.

🕷- You know that thing where a group of friends duck tapes one of their friends to a wall for fun? You get miles to do that to you.

🕷- You guys can’t stop laughing, The best memories of your lives are in those videos.

🕷- He’ll take you up to the top of buildings to show you the graffiti art he painted!! he’ll let you sign it off with a dick and balls or a heart if you want. You guys do homework up there together as well.

🕷- ’M & (Y/I) were here’ has been painted on every available surface of New York.

🕷- You both have the bright idea to hop on his back and go web slinging around the neighbourhood. He can carry you easily.

🕷- Miles decides If you don’t tell him to slow down, then he’s not going fast enough.

🕷- You NEVER tell him to slow down.

🕷- “Faster!!!“

🕷- Now that he’s got super strength he can put you in an inescapable headlock, he doesn’t do it too tight but he holds you there until you tap out.

🕷- He takes you to the coolest spots with the best views.

🕷- You regularly cover for him.

🕷- “We were at Jamba Juice the whole time officer I swear.”

🕷- Miles side eyes you knowing damn well he was no where NEAR a Jamba Juice.

🕷- ’Thanks’ he’d mouth.

🕷- You and Petter B will get along like a house on fire.

🕷- While Miles is extremely unimpressed by him, you don’t seem to care about any pre-existing expectations one might have when you think of the guy behind the mask of Spider-Man, your cracking jokes and feeding your pet rat a couple of French fries while the three of you sit in the diner, planning your next moves carefully.

🕷- Peter B can tell you’re a good kid. He’s at an age where a lot of your batshit tendencies don’t really faze him as long as your not hurting yourself.

🕷- Speaking of which.

🕷- When him and Miles get the chance to talk alone he warns him that he needs to be careful.

🕷- He tells him that normal relationships aren’t possible anymore. And stresses to him what a life like this can mean for your loved ones. especially since you found out his secret. This line of work isn’t just dangerous for Miles, but for you as well.

🕷- Miles is a little shaken after the conversation, no matter how gently Peter tries to put it. But what he’s implying is clear. He tries to shake it off and enjoy the time you both spend together. He won’t admit to himself that Peter is right just yet.

🕷- It’s just so easy to tell you everything and rely on you.

🕷- There will be a moment sometime in the future when reality sets in, but for now Miles makes the same mistake every Spider-Man does.

🕷- He has a best friend. :(

🕷- On the other hand, Peter comes to the staggering realisation that your actually extremely prone to accidents and danger all on your own. And he appropriately does a complete 180 from ‘casually distant bum-uncle' to ‘I am your dad now’.

🕷- It’s Nothing personal, kid. now stop trying to get in the middle of fights with dangerous criminals and let the adult— or at least the guys with super strength, stamina, speed and resilience— handle it.

🕷- He demands you stay out of the crossfire, but, to no one’s surprise you don’t listen.

🕷- You’re willing to throw yourself in front of Miles to shield him from anything, much to your best friends terror.

🕷- You hold your own surprisingly well against opponents that would be considered reasonable threats otherwise. You’re resourceful, grabbing anything and everything you can get your hands on. you get a terrifying look in your eye.

🕷- No matter how impressed Peter is, He will slingshot you around with his web-shooters to propel you out of the way of oncoming attacks. He will do this for both of you, but feels the need to do it less for Miles. He knows he can take what’s on the other end of the punch. But No matter how untouchable you make yourself out to be, you can’t.

🕷- “Do I want kids?”

🕷- He takes you on as his responsibility just as much as he does Miles.

🕷- Spider-Gwen also looks out for you in battle.

🕷- She’s more laid back, and even a little suave about it too.

🕷- She secretly wishes she had someone like you in her universe. What she wouldn’t give to decompress with you after a long day of patrolling New York.

🕷- She’s actually the most normal about you having a pet rat. You know, the one you grabbed out of a garbage can in a subway station. Yeah, That rat.

🕷- Miles watches you both get along like a house on fire and just quietly falls behind you both since he’s not sure what to do or say.

🕷- He’s so awkward, poor guy.

🕷- Your tendency to go off for days at a time ignites everyone’s curiosity. it’s a concerning habit, and Gwen even endeavours to follow you to see where you disappear to so often.

🕷- She’s unsuccessful.

🕷- It's never said out loud, but when she’s facing the one-way ticket home she finds herself wanting to stay just a bit longer. Not just for Miles, but for you to… She wonders what you’ll get up to while she’s gone.

🕷- …

🕷- Peter Porker vibes with you so hard.

🕷- no wait don’t scroll away wait

🕷- he WILL gift you the freakishly large cartoon mallet. Sorry, but miles didn’t appreciate it for what it was.

🕷- He would be cracking jokes and doing bits with you through out the whole goddamn movie.

🕷- Miles can usually let you do your own thing without sparing a second glance, but the looney tunes laws of physics that Porker exhibits WILL rub off on you at least a little.

🕷- It’s contagious. And when you start flattening eachother into to perfect discs it freaks everyone out a little.

🕷- He’s got enough to worry about in the plot,,, Damn,,

🕷- Spider Noir teaches you how to throw a good punch

🕷- in exchange you let him mess with your phone as much as he wants

🕷- "how the hell do you work this thing?"

🕷- He likes you, he thinks you got a lot of guts.

🕷- You were actually the one to design Miles’ suit. He took inspiration from one of your drawings in your school notebook.

🕷- You've always believed in him, and that made him believe in himself too.

#spider man #across the spiderverse #spiderverse x reader #miles morales #miles morales x reader #into the spiderverse #you guys are cutie patooties #spider noir #spiderman into the spiderverse #peter porker #gwen stacy #spider gwen

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dcxdpdabbles · 8 months

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I love your writing. It's just the best. Seriously I check dc dp tags to see if you've written anything.

By the way, can you write anythng with another dc hero or maybe a villain? Maybe Superman or Captain Marvel(Shazam) or anything. You don't have to obviously, but it would be really cool if you did.

Oh gosh, thank you! I'm glad you like my rambles. I'm happy to write you a dabble! Hope you like!

Billy Batson was expecting a lot when the Wizard told him to only break the ice crystal in dire situations. He figured if the dying man had enough time to pass on thousands of years' worth of knowledge and store Old magical artifacts, then the Crystal had to be a last resort.

He also figured it wouldn't be so darn breakable. Billy felt they should have made the last resort a little steadier if it was so important.

But no, one accidental trip over his far too worn-out pants legs had the thing shattering like cheap glass.

Billy stares at the shimmering remains, his heart pounding in his chest as the soft green glow that had always come from the crystal fades away.

"Oh no. no, no, no. I can fix this. I can fix this. " He whispers to himself, falling to his knees and scooping up the pieces. He tries to reattach them, but the crystal melts in his palms. "I can't fix this."

All this because some jerk kicked him out of his old sleeping place, down by the docks. He had been squatting in Old Man's Jackson shed ever since the man finally bit the dust, and he had been so excited to have a building all to himself. Word must have gotten around somehow because he comes back from a Justice Leauge Meeting to find a sixteen-year-old rooting through his stuff.

As a homeless ten-year-old, Billy had scrambled to reclaim his possessions, including this critical crystal, jumping on the intruder with a war cry. He got a broken arm, a black eye, and a few bruised ribs for his troubles.

Thankfully he could walk away with most of his things as the teen sneered and screamed at him while he ran away.

It's not that Billy couldn't fight off the homeless teenager, but he didn't, and to go all Captain Marvel on some random citizen. Captain Marvel can go toe to toe with Superman, but plain old Billy Batson struggles to take kids his own age. He's always been smaller than his age group, not to mention hunger's damage to him.

He returned to the abandoned subway, stumbling down the dark tunnel. Billy didn't like the place- it was damp and cold and a little too open if someone else wandered in, but it was the only place he could go for the night on such short notice. He was thinking of asking Batman if he could take more shifts on monitor duty just so he could sleep at the watch tower.

Then his pants leg got stuck on a broken stair, and he fell, sending his dew earthly possessions into the air. Now he was, blinking away the spots from the beating the teenager gave him and a powerful artifact he promised the Wizard he keep safe, broken beyond repair.

Against his will, sobs start to shake his body. The more he fought to clear his eyes from the tears, the more he began to fall. He leans his forehead on the floor, uncaring how a piece of crystal cuts his skin, causing a trail of crimson to flow down his face. What's one more scar on his already broken body?

In a moment of weakness, he violently wishes he could run to his mom for comfort. It's a fantasy. She's long gone, buried next to his dad, and his uncle was somewhere warm spending their money.

The knowledge causes more despair, and he sobs harder.

Why does he have to be here hungry, without a home, when his father's brother didn't even bother to attend their funeral is living off of his inheritance? Living great, if all the zeros he saw on the check were any indication?

Life is genuinely unfair sometimes. That's why he took being Captain Marvel so seriously. Someone had to protect people from the cruelty of life.

A swirling green portal rips open underneath him just as the trailing thought of I wish someone out there wanted to protect me just as much.

His echoing scream, the swirling green, is the last thing Billy knows before everything goes black.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Billy wakes to the sound of someone humming. He blinks open his eyes, fighting against the exhaustion and the siren call of slumber. The first thing he notices is the soft green of the walls, like the color of Easter eggs he used to paint with his Dad. He smiles at them.

It's his favorite color.

Then Billy notices his eyes getting heavy again as he slowly turns his head into the plush pillow and sinks into the warm blankets around him. His body is boneless in comfort, his eyes are closed, and he's just dropping off into dreamland when his mind finally notices that you're homeless and don't know this room. You're in danger!

Billy leaps off the bed like he's been shocked, throwing the two blankets on the ground. Glancing around, he's horrified to see he's in some kind of kid room- comics, toys, posters- all tailored to his tastes. He can even spot an archeology kit for kids sitting on a desk, just like the ones his parents used to buy him when he wanted to help out in their digs.

He always thought he actually found something in his little play rocks while waiting at one of the tents as his parents worked. They always beamed when he showed them the fake dinosaur bones he discovered in his kits.

He even has nice, fluffy pajamas. The kind that doesn't have buttons or zippers but is oversized, so they let him toss and turn in the night. His bottoms are a grey and black checker pattern, while the top has the Batman symbol proudly on the front.

Everything is perfect, from the decor, to his clothes to even the furniture placement.

It's the bedroom of his dreams.

Oh gosh, he has been Coraline-ed!

"Oh, Billy! You're up. Breakfast is ready and I just finished ironing your uniform." A man's voice says from the doorway. He swings his head around to see a man in his late twenties in an apron smiling at him. He's handsome, has fluffy black hair and baby-blue eyes, and practically embodies comforting vibes.

The other-mother.

"Who are you!?" Billy demands, fist raised. He can't go Captain Marvel with someone dead on staring at him- at least he risks his secret identity, but he has been on the streets long enough to put up a decent fight.

The man seems flabbergasted by his aggression which causes Billy to bristle until he slaps his own forehead.

"Right, forgot about the introduction. I'm Danny Fenton, and I will be your new guardian until you are old enough to care for yourself." Danny smiles, and the boy can't help but find it too pretty to be authentic. "As per your request as the champion of Magic."

Billy has been taken by someone who knows he's Captain Marvel. Which could be better on the one hand but on the other, it means he can do this.

"Shazam!" A bolt of lighting has him shifting into his adult form and flying a break neck speed towards the threat. He intends to punch Danny, but his fist is caught in Danny's palm like it's nothing.

Danny seems unimpressed. "Don't think you can Shazam yourself out of class, young man. Being a hero will cut your attendance, but I won't allow you to skip just because."

Calm yourself, child Batson Solomon says to Bill. King Phantom is here per your request for aid. He will not harm you.

What request!? I never called for him!

When you broke the Infinite Realms Crysta of distress, you called for someone to protect you like your caregivers once did. King Phantom is the most vigorous protective spirit in all the realms. He answered the call. Solomon replies. Billy can feel the god shift on his golden throne a sense of amusement. It's strange to know what the gods are doing without really seeing them He made a deal with the wizard to pose as your father until you are of age. You both are bonded by this Oath.

An oath. That made Billy feel a little better. He knows that once an Oath is made, no one in the parties involved can break it. If the Wizard had done one while borrowing Billy's body then Billy would be untouchable until the contract was done.

He has a new dad that would be bound by magic and the might of the six gods to protect him.

Billy was curious to know if that was a good thing or not. Being protected is not the same as being loved.

"Kid? You okay?" Danny asks.

"What is expected of me? What do you want me to do?" Billy counters, floating back a little now that he knows what's happening. An Oath is a two-way deal. If Danny had to pretend to be Bill's father, then Billy had to do something for Danny.

"Well, I expect you to have your teeth brushed and eat your breakfast before class, but something tells me that's not what you mean." Danny jokes with a chuckle. Billy frowns, which makes the humor on the man's face disappear. "In all honesty? You are my anchor. I haven't been in the material world for years. Not since my home dimension was destroyed by an asteroid. I missed it. I missed people."

Okay, nothing sinister. But he would never let this random stranger think he had the right to boss Billy around.

"You don't have to pretend to be my dad when we're alone. And you can't tell me what to do!" Billy hisses, expecting the man to get upset like other foster fathers had been before he ran.

Danny nods. "Sounds fair. Sorry for coming on like a fruitloop."

"A.....fruitloop?"

"A big fruitloop. One with a cat."

Right.

"You said my uniform. What uniform?" Billy asks to choose to come back to Danny's odd phrase later.

"Gotham Acadamy. I signed you up for classes-"

"We're in Gotham!? Why?!"

Danny tilts his head. "It's the only place with enough death to sustain me."

Billy is glad he is Captain Marvel right now. Otherwise, he thinks he would need more guts to ask. "Why do you need death?"

"Not death itself, more like the by-product. I need ectoplasm since I;;m a ghost." With a bright flash of twin rings, Danny shifts into a very obviously non-human form, and Billy's mouth drops.

"You're dead?!"

"So-and-so. I'm a halfa. A being dead and alive but at the same time neither" Danny rubs the back of his neck, twirling his small point tail nervously. "Yeah, it's a bit confusing. Sorry."

"It's fine....ugh so we just live in Gotham until I'm what eighteen?"

"Until your twenty." Danny winces at the glare Billy throws him. "Sorry, ghosts see adulthood as two decades for the living, two centuries for the dead. Since I'm both, I have to follow both and thus have to be your caregiver until you're twenty. I can portal you to Fawcett whenever you need to hero with the snap of my fingers. It'll be inconvenient, but I promise it will be better than the streets. And I will never, ever hurt you, Billy."

Billy crosses his arms, listening with half a ear as the gods start speaking at one, their voices and opinions a background noise he long learns to turn out until Atlas is louder than the rest.

I understand this might be a lot at once, young Batson, but accept King Phantom's help. You will no longer be alone. It is not easy carrying the world on your shoulders, trust me.

The god's words make Billy sure this is a good idea.

"Shazam!" With another burst of lighting, Billy is a kid again, stretching his neck back to make eye contact with the taller man. "Alright. You got yourself a deal .... again."

Danny grins, warm and delight dancing in his eyes. "Excellent! Lets's hurry then, we're supposed to arrive at your school early today to meet with a man in charge of your scholarship who is my new employer for computer software. That's our cover, by the way. We moved here after I got a job at the man's company."

"Who are we meeting?"

"Someone unimportant, I'm sure," Danny says, waving a hand. "My friend Clockwork set us up our background, we have the papers to prove everything."

Billy finds out that Danny really is from a different universe because how in the world could he claim Bruce Wayne as unimportant!

#dcxdpdabbles #Ghost Dad au #Danny adopts Billy #Then moves him to Gotham #Where he uses ghost magic to get a job with WE #Nothing sus here #HOPE YOU LIKE #I don't really know Billy's story line besides some comics so I blended the facts I do know about him for his backstory #Not Phantom Planet Canon

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savannahsdeath · 6 months

Note

hi Savannah!!! was thinking abt this idea for a while and thought that your amazing writing would so do it justice. maybe popular Ellie! x loser-ish s/o and they’re going to prom together. readers parents or Joel (whoever’s house they’re at) could be taking pictures and commenting on how cute they look together. after they end up going to prom and they’re so happy and cute with each other. maybe some angst where like someone’s makes fun of readers dress or something. they could be like jealous of reader since she’s kind of a loser and Ellie’s more on the popular side, idk. do whatever u want. bye!!!

POPULAR!ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

warnings: none i think ?? just reader having a mean fake friend;(((

writers note: omg anon i love u !! you and your idea !! i had to stand up and start pacing around my room writing it cus ohmygod .

your dress hugged your figure, the fabric stretching with every movement, clinging to your curves. it shimmered as you walked, catching the light as a slight glimmer. it draped down to just above your ankles, a slit on the side accentuating your legs. you stood in front of a full-body mirror, trying to decide if you should keep your hair down or...

"come on, babe!" ellie shouted from the hallway, quickly making her way to you. "you ready?" she gave you a hug from behind, loosely wrapping her arms around your waist. you stared at her reflection. she, obviously, wasn't wearing a dress but a white, formal shirt decorated by a messily tied tie, probably stolen from joel. and somehow, she still looked so attractive.

she spun you around, pressing her lips to yours with a light hum. "i hate these little school parties." she admitted, still standing suspiciously close to you. "but at least i get to see you in pretty dresses."

you smiled, fixing her tie before tugging on it and turning around to walk away. she followed you everywhere like a puppy, tangling your fingers together anytime she had the chance to.

"i'd rather stay home." you agreed with a slight shrug.

she filled her glass with water, not letting go of your hand as she drank. "and what would we do?"

as she finished, you took the glass out of her hand and put it in the dishwasher, knowing she wouldn't do it herself. "i'm sure we'd come up with something."

you heard someone clearing their throat, making you slightly jump. it was joel, standing in the doorway, scanning both of you with his firm gaze.

"what do you think?" ellie proudly wrapped her hand around your waist, bringing you as close as possible.

he nodded with a barely noticeable smile. "she looks like a millionaire's wife." he pointed at you with his chin.

you looked down, trying to hide your flushed face.

"well, of course." ellie huffed, her hand stroking your side. "and i'm the millionaire."

"hell no." he immediately shook his head. "you're just a random homeless man." you giggled and she immediately gave you a disappointed look, as if to judge you for finding joel's taunting funny.

"homeless men have good style." she rolled her eyes, before adding a; "sometimes", and slowly guiding you to the living room.

"hey, kiddo, you know i'm kidding." joel's smile widened. "you both look great."

she mumbled a quiet; "whatever", though you could tell it reassured her, so you turned to joel and mouthed a silent thanks to him, knowing ellie would be in a bad mood for the next few hours if he wouldn't take his silly insult back.

joel wouldn't let go so easily, trailing after you with his phone covered in the, typical dad's, flip case. he raised it, telling you to pose.

"joeel—" ellie whined. "we had a deal, no pics."

you laughed, playfully nudging her. joel frowned, still focusing his camera on you. "your girlfriend's parents would definitely want to see how you look." he insisted, but she persistently shook her head. he managed to stealthily take a few photos of you both, smirking as if he just did the most illegal cheat ever.

"how do you feel now, ellie?" he asked, shooting a video.

"what do you mean?" she frowned, though it wasn't visible on the camera, since she didn't bother to turn around.

"you know, you're growing up." he shrugged. "you probably want to move out."

she was propping herself against the countertop, suddenly stopping doodling something in her diary. "what did you just say?" she turned around, seeing joel catching her reaction on the camera.

he laughed and stopped recording, sharing a chuckle with you. "just kidding, just kidding, no need to stress. it's not like i'm kicking you out."

"yeah, i fucking hope so." she muttered, looking away with an annoyed expression.

joel huffed, though the amusement was still palpable in his tone. "language." he warned with a toothy smile.

⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

"i'm not into girls, but jesus-" a voice from one of the bathroom cabins sighed. even though you couldn't tell who said it, you felt the admiration in the girl's voice.

you and ellie sat on the windowsill, listening to their conversation. overhearing wasn't fair, but how could you miss out on something like that? they were talking about your girlfriend, after all.

"and her girl—" someone added, but the previous girl mockingly laughed. "c'mon now. she's all right, but out of ellie's league." another mocking laugh. "and somehow, they're still together." "i dunno, maybe she's rich." rich? so people think ellie's with you because you pay her for affection? "i just don't believe in the good personality bullshit. and it definitely aren't the looks either." the voice continued.

you heard the sound of glasses hitting one another, as if raising a toast, though it was probably an accident. hiding in the bathroom to drink and talk shit, how mature.

"she's just as fine as ellie!" someone's annoyed voice rang out. "you're tasteless as fuck if you really believe what you're saying. now," another bang of bottles, "drink up." the voices took a break to down their glasses, before the argument continued. "okay, i admit, no one's better than williams, but still—" "no fucking way. m' not hearing you out!" another pause, way shorter this time. "oh, hey, sorry for talking like that about her. i forgot— you two are friends, aren't you?"

a third voice, one that stayed silent before, spoke up; "no, we're not." you quickly recognised the tone of your best friend, or at least a girl you thought is your best friend - layla. you opened your mouth to shout at her, but ellie brought you closer to her, gently covering your lips to keep you quiet. meanwhile, layla continued; "i don't know what ellie sees in her, either."

your eyes immediately watered up and your puffy lips trembled against your lover's hand. she pulled you closer to her, stroking your hair and planting little kisses on your forehead or nose. you sniffled, but the hiding girls didn't seem to hear it.

suddenly, one of them - the meanest one - started excitedly squealing; "look who texted me!! look, look!" you could see the dim light of phone screen from the gap above the floor. they packed their things, slowly spilling out of the cabin. and, well, when they finally noticed you and ellie, she had her lips persistently pressed against yours, making them freeze. she pulled away and stood up, giving them a nonchalant look. "hi, girls." she winked, extending her hand for you. you dragged her out of the bathroom, and when you were finally out of the girls' sight, you burst out laughing.

ellie smiled, though your sudden joy seemed weird to her, and her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "what?"

without answering, you continued tugging on her hand, letting go only when you were at the dance floor. you wrapped your hands around her neck as she placed hers on your waist, still surprised by your actions.

you rocked back and forth to whatever song was playing now, thinking of how to explain your reaction to ellie.

eventually, you just softly chuckled again. "i love you, els."

her frown disappeared, replaced by a look of pure affection she felt towards you. "i love you too."

she brought you closer to her by the grip she had on your hips, and your arms slowly withdraw, stopping when your hands reached her cheeks, cupping her face. you shared a long, slow, passionate, but most importantly - real kiss. you forgot about all the people surrounding you and focused on her tongue, which softly lapped against yours.

#reqs open #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #popular!ellie williams x reader #popular!ellie x reader #popular!ellie williams #popular!ellie #prom

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lordprettyflackotara · 7 days

Text

sharp fangs || sam golbach & colby brock

SMUT 18+ MINORS DNI. sam & colby are vampires teehee🙈 TW: BLOOD. THEY DRINK YOUR BLOOD. AS VAMPS DO. threesome and there’s a plot😛umm you get chased in the beginning but that’s about it for triggers i think. enjoy!🥰

It wasn’t unusual for you to leave your apartment late at night for a bite to eat. After all, living in such a compact town everything was in walking distance. Not many places were open past midnight, the only one being a popular little grocery store. It sold mostly munchie snacks, perfect for night owls like you.

It wasn’t unusual for you to eat your snack on the way home. The streets were vacant of any sign of human life, the most attention you got being from a stray cat behind a trash can. You took any bite of your twinkie, admiring how quiet everything was. The silence was a nice change, considering in a few hours the sound of honking cars and people would ruin it.

What was unusual, was the feeling you were being watched.

Typically you weren’t a paranoid person and you felt generally safe about your short travels to the grocery store. You did this regularly, twinkies and all. But as you continued your walk home you felt unsettled, as if you were being observed from a far. You finished your twinkie, tossing the wrapper in a random trashcan before continuing home.

You glanced at your watch, figuring the lack of sleep was just affecting your brain.

That was until you heard footsteps.

Your face went white, your ears trying to pinpoint where the sound was coming from. You forced your feet to keep walking forward, afraid of what would happen if you stopped. It didn’t take long for you to realize that the footsteps were coming from behind you.

Following you.

You quickly turned around, only to reveal that absolutely no one was there.

You blinked a few times, looking around. Were you really that paranoid?

Sighing, you decided to take a different route to your apartment, just in case you were being followed. If it were some loser or serial killer, no one would go down the southeast dark alleyway. Its appearance was intimating and scary enough you figured it would scare your stalker away.

Despite its scary appearance to strangers, you had been down it several times. Walking the city every day forced you to know a short cut or two. You turned the corner, going down a few steps before continuing your journey home.

Your heart began to pound as you heard rustling. You couldn’t quite understand it, what was it you were exactly hearing? It sounded like movement, you could solely feel the presence of someone else being there. Nervously you looked around, your surroundings being limited. You were behind two different restaurants to the left and right of you.

It couldn’t have been an employee, both restaurants closed hours ago.

“Hello?” You called out.

Maybe it was a homeless person who started residing here and you were intruding.

“So she speaks.”

You whirled around to find who the words belonged to, yours eyes landing on a tall, dark man. His dark brown hair almost covered his eyes, his eyes a deep crimson red. He was dressed in all black, his jacket being leather. His fingers were dressed in silver rings, a silver chain hanging from his neck. He was much taller than you, his height alone intimating. Not to mention his eyes.

“Was starting to think you didn’t have vocal cords princess,” He said, snickering to himself.

Your eyes quickly darted to the exit of the alley, your feet moving you towards it for you.

Before you could blink your body was slammed into the brick wall behind you, knocking the air out of your lungs. You struggled to breathe, your eyes blinking a few times before they could settle on the man in front of you. He pressed you flat against the wall, leaning towards your neck.

“Get off of me, fuck off,” You said boldly, trying to sound as intimating as possible. You shivered in terror as you felt him inhale, smelling you. With his arms planted on either side of you, you had no where to go, forced to stay still.

“You smell, so fucking good,” He complimented. He leaned back, admiring your face this time. The smell of your blood alone was nauseatingly delicious, but your scent of fear was arousing. “I wonder if Sam will let me break the rules this one time,” He murmured. You shook with fear as he stroked your face, admiring how warm your soft skin was. His fingers were freezing to the touch, despite it being early fall, he felt like he had been in a blizzard.

“Let me go, I won’t tell anyone, really-” You began babbling, listing excuses. The brunette grinned devilishly, as if he enjoyed hearing your pleas.

“Colby what the fuck are you doing?”

Your eyes landed on a blonde man with similar crimson eyes who was standing on the roof, staring at the situation. You assumed this to be Sam, as you watched him jump from the roof to the ground with ease. It was easily a twenty foot jump, your mouth forming the shape of an O as he strode over to the both of you.

Sam looked a lot like Colby in terms of unusually pale skin and crimson eyes, additionally him being dressed in the same edgy biker clothing. His face was stern as he focused on Colby, his eyes not even glancing at you once. “Cmon dude, have you fucking smelled her?” Colby asked. He turned his head over his shoulder to look at him, holding you in the same trapped position.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood as they began arguing, their voices sharp as knives. “Of course I can smell her, the wind doesn’t make my nostrils dull dude,” Sam argued. Colby grabbed your arm, hastily pulling you in front of Sam. The blonde was taller than you as well, both of them towering over you as they talked like you weren’t there.

“I don’t think you smelled her correctly the first time, do it again,” Colby growled. His growl was genuine, one that had emerged from the back of his throat. It was animalistic, your mouth running dry at the sound. These weren’t just weird cosplaying serial killers, they were something else. Something not human.

“It doesn’t matter what she smells like we have fucking morals. We don’t kill any mortals. You know the risk of what happens if we try to drink from them,” Sam debated. He still hadn’t glanced at you, acting as if you weren’t even there. Colby rolled his eyes. “Morals are great but when’s the last time you seriously smelled anything like her? Seriously, here,” Colby argued further. He pushed you into Sam’s chest, his body as hard as a rock.

For the first time Sam looked down at you, studying you intently. He could see the fear swirling in your eyes, your teeth practically clattering in terror. Sam didn’t want to admit it, but you did smell ridiculously good. Nothing like they had smelled in the past few hundred years. “I can see it on your face, you want her just as bad as I do. We can share,” Colby offered. You felt frozen, neither of them physically constricting you but your body still planted in place.

Every fiber in you was screaming to run, Sam’s unusual crimson eyes not helping console any of your horror.

“No dude, that’s final,” Sam said finally. He pushed you towards the exit of the alleyway. “Get out of here, don’t come back,” He ordered. As you began to quickly walk away, you felt a large hand grip your arm. “You may not want her but I do, and i’ll have her,” Colby snarled. You gasped as you tried to pull away desperately, his hands locked around your arm. Before you could process it Sam was standing between you, removing Colby’s hand from you.

“I said no, get a fucking grip,” Sam growled.

You began slowly backing away, watching as Colby pushed Sam. His shove resulted in Sam flying into one of the many brick walls, the bricks crumbling around him as he stood up. Before Colby could reach you Sam was on him, grabbing his arm and pinning it behind his back. He tripped him, both of them landing on the ground. You stood terrified as Colby was pinned down, baring what looked like a set of fangs as he desperately tried to reach you.

“Did you not hear me? Get out of here!”

Sam’s voice snapped you out of your hypnotic state, your feet carrying you as far away from the alley as they possibly could.

You couldn’t get the image of Colby’s fangs out of your head. Both of them were scary and ominous, sure. But the look of pure hunger, pure desperation, haunted you. Nightmares ensued nights after you had escaped the duo, your mind plagued with fearful thoughts. You couldn’t explain what you saw, the idea of someone being thrown into a brick wall and breaking the wall being impossible.

It had distracted you from your job and college work, you even stopped leaving the house. You were scared you’d run into them again, somehow someway. Sam didn’t seem too terrible, but you knew he was the same monster Colby was.

Your sleep schedule was backwards at this point, your mind afraid to allow you to relax as soon as the sun went down. You felt like you were going insane, your mind finally allowing you to sleep once it became dawn. You had become a recluse, one who avoided anyone who tried to talk to you.

It was right before midnight as you lounged in your living room, mindlessly channel surfing. During the night you longed to cure your never ending boredom, your paranoid mind insisting on you being wide awake.

Knock knock.

You jumped at the sudden sound, your body shifting uncomfortably as you forced yourself to sit up. You scrambled to your living room side table, digging through the drawer for any weapon of self defense. You found an old can of pepper spray from when you were regularly dating. Awkwardly you shook it, putting it up to your ear to hear if there was anything even in there. Was it expired? Maybe.

It wasn’t like you to avoid your problems, and you most certainly were not going to start now. Deciding that if it was expired it would only make it worse for your victim, you stood up. Tip toeing over to your apartment door you peaked through the peep hole, attempting to see who your visitor was. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as the hallway was empty.

Gripping the pepper spray you opened the front door, Sam and Colby standing at your doorstep. Your mind took a couple of seconds to process their presence, Sam awkwardly waving. You raised the can of pepper spray.

“Wait wait wait we’re here to apologize-”

Aiming at Colby’s face you pulled the trigger, a stream of red liquid shooting out of the can. You used all that was in the can, throwing it at his face before promptly shutting the door. Your fingers shook as you locked the door, pressing your body weight against it so they wouldn’t break the door down. You swallowed hard as you looked through the peep hole again, not seeing either of them.

You sighed in relief, hoping they just went away.

You had showed them just who they were messing with. Even if you were only human.

Making your way back to your couch, you plopped back down on the cushion, searching for a decent show to watch. Maybe your brain would finally let you get some decent rest now that-

Tap tap.

Your eyes slowly shifted over to your living room window, your dark curtains restricting your view from the outside world.

There was no way-

Surely they couldn’t-

You boldly yanked the curtains open, revealing Sam. You stared blankly at him as he hung from your window. Your apartment was on the sixth floor, the blonde hanging onto the ledge of your window. Colby didn’t seem to be in sight, Sam awkwardly waving to get your attention. Slowly you pried open the window, glaring at Sam.

“What the fuck do you want?” You spat. Sam climbed up a little further, propping himself up with his arms on the concrete window ledge. “We came here to apologize, Colby specifically,” He said calmly. It was as if he was trying to trace his words carefully, like he was walking on eggshells. “And why would I want to hear an apology from either of you? Just go away!” You argued.

“I thought you said humans like apologies?” Colby called from the outside of your front door. Sam rolled his eyes, sighing. “They do dude just give me a second!” Sam yelled back. Your mind felt like it was spinning, trying to process the supernatural being hanging out of your window. Sam’s gaze returned back to you, his crimson eyes borderline hypnotic. “Not to be invasive but we know you haven’t been sleeping and are on the verge of losing your job. We didn’t intend to fuck up your entire life. If you give me permission to come in I can explain,” Sam said. Your eyebrows raised at his words. Were they actually stalking you?

You tilted your head to the side. “You need my permission to come in? As if you can’t break my window or door down?” You questioned. Was he really giving you bullshit formalities? Sam sighed. “It’s just sort of how it works for us. We can’t enter anyone’s home unless they give us permission,” Sam explained. Noticing your doubtful facial expression he added, “You can of course just start with me.”

As much as it pained you to admit to yourself, you wanted answers before you wanted them to go away. “Fine, but only you can come in. Not Colby,” You agreed. Sam slid into your apartment with ease, visibly stretching his legs as he stood up fully. “Oh cmon!” Colby groaned from the hallway. His displeasure made you giggle, even if the situation didn’t call for it.

“Firstly I just want to say the pepper spray attack was hilarious, thanks for the good laugh,” Sam complimented. Defensively you walked into your kitchen, your kitchen island keeping you at a safe distance away. You raised your eyebrows, signaling Sam to get on with it. He cleared his throat, his eyes solely focused on you.

“We are, very obviously, vampires,” Sam began. He was waiting for you to freak out. To scream or cry or something. Instead you stood freakishly still, your arms crossed as you waited for him to continue. “We usually don’t drink from humans, we steal blood bags from the blood bank down the street or at the hospital,” He continued. You furrowed your eyebrows. “Great so you steal blood from those in need, fantastic, what’s your point?” You asked.

“What would you rather us do? Drink from live humans?” Colby called from outside of the door. Sam turned towards the door, calling over his shoulder, “Shut up Colby!”

The blonde turned back to you, shaking his head. “My point is, we don’t drink from humans like you, ever. However we haven’t smelled anything like you in our few hundred years,” Sam continued explaining. His words finally caught you off guard. “Wait so you both are what? Three hundred?” You asked. Sam shrugged. “We’re both twenty six, but we’ve been twenty six for about three hundred and forty years, give or take a few,” He informed you.

“Yeah it gets blurry after a while,” Colby agreed from outside of your front door. You almost had the pleasure of forgetting he was there, your face twisting back into an angry expression as you resumed your conversation with Sam. “We are very controlled members of our kind, believe it or not. You’ll have to forgive Colby for losing his head, we usually don’t interact with your kind either. Kind of a double whammy,” Sam finished.

“Can I come in now?” Colby whined from outside of the door. You sighed, nodding. “Yeah come on in,” You agreed. The locks on your door broke off in seconds, a unfazed Colby entering your apartment. Words of protest hung on your tongue before Sam cut you off. “Dont worry we’ll fix that,” Sam told you. You watched as Colby awkwardly shut the door, your chain lock lying on the floor. As Colby joined Sam’s side the blonde nudged him with his elbow.

“I am truly sorry for what I did in the alley. But in my defense you are very hot and you smell divine,” Colby apologized. You felt your face heat up at his compliment and you silently prayed neither of them noticed. “In order to make it up to you we have an offer that might entice you,” Sam told you.

Colby rounded the corner of the kitchen island, slyly approaching you. “You see we’ve noticed that you seem to be pretty lonely, locking yourself in this apartment all alone,” He whispered. Colby leaned in closer to your ear, his breath hot against your skin. “How you desperately grind against your vibrator to get off,” He purred. Heat dashed across your cheeks, your blushing so intense you knew both of them noticed.

“You see when vampires do bite a human, it sends the human into a state of blissful euphoria,” Sam continued. He followed Colby’s lead, walking over and standing directly in front of you. “B-but you said there was risk?” You questioned, trying to remember what Sam had previously said. It was hard to think as Colby towered over you from the side, tucking stray hairs behind your ear. “If one of us bites you there’s a chance you’ll become immortal if we feed for too long, but if we share you, it’ll force us to let you recover so the other one can feed,” Sam explained. Your eyes met his, his full attention on you.

Both of their attentions felt overwhelming, their mere presence making you weak in the knees. “It’ll only be more pleasurable for you if we fuck you, make you beg for more,” Colby murmured. He pressed a kiss against your ear, shifting himself behind you. His strong hands guided you to press your back against his chest, a whimper escaping your lips. Sam stepped forward, guiding your chin to look up at him. “If you want this you have to tell us, the smell of your arousal isn’t enough,” Sam said firmly.

You felt Colby’s boner poke you front behind, both men making your mouth water. The idea of taking them both at the same time sounded exhilarating, the idea of being bitten only making the idea sound better. You nodded profusely, grabbing Sam’s shirt to bring him closer. “Please, I need it,” You whimpered. Colby snickered from behind you, his hands exploring your body. “There’s our girl,” He praised, planting kisses on your neck. Sam planted his lips onto yours, roughly kissing you.

Neither of the boys would admit to you they hadn’t bothered having sexual relations in the past decade, the lust for blood ending in some bloody accidents. But they had enough trust in one another to stop the other from accidentally draining you dry. You were a delicious prize, one they wanted to keep around for a while. It didn’t help that you were also extremely attractive, your doe eyes enough to bring either of them to their knees.

Colby’s hands snaked their way up to the hem of your shirt, slipping underneath the fabric. His touch was ice cold, goosebumps spreading across your skin as his finger tips made their way up to your breast. “No bra? Naughty girl. It’s like you wanted this to happen,” Colby teased, smirking into your neck as his finger trips grabbed your perky nipples. You groaned into Sam’s mouth, the blondes cock growing harder by the minute.

“Let’s take this to the couch, yeah?” Sam suggested.

In the blink of an eye you were teleported onto the couch, your back now rested against Sam’s chest. The blonde moved your hair to the side, kissing your neck gently. His chest grew heavier as your heart began to speed up. He could hear the delicious blood flowing through your veins. “I’m gonna bite you first, that okay?” Sam asked. He exchanged a look with Colby as the brunette settled between your thighs, pulling down your pajama shorts and panties.

“Y-yeah, that’s fine,” You agreed, swallowing hard. Colby kissed your inner thighs, trying to shift your focus away from being afraid. As divine as your fear smelled to them, they wanted you comfortable. “Hey princess, focus on me,” Colby ordered. You forced yourself to open your eyes, looking down at the brunette between your thighs. He brought two fingers to your soaked entrance, sliding them in with ease.

Your hips rose to meet his touch, a sinful groan escaping your lips as he curled his long fingers inside of you. You could feel the coolness of his rings against your entrance, your head tilting back onto Sam’s chest as he finger fucked you. “There we go, you’re doing so good for us,” Sam praised. Colby attached his mouth to your clit, sucking at the sensitive bud like his soul depended on it.

While your mind was distracted with pleasure, Sam couldn’t take it anymore. He quickly bit down on the side of your neck, his sharp fangs piercing your skin. You gasped in pain, your head spinning as Sam began to feed. Colby maintained his assault on your cunt, the pleasure helping the foreign pain subside. He briefly detached himself from your clit, his fingers not slowing down. “Relax for me, it’ll feel good in a minute, just relax,” Colby cooed.

Your hand instinctively reached down, searching for Colby’s spare one. Your eyes were rolling into the back of your head, gripping Colby’s hand. If your eyes had been focused on the brunette you would’ve seen his face, his eyes widening at the intimate exchange. You were seeking comfort in someone like him, as his best friend was feeding on you. He was mesmerized by your naiveness and how desperately you held his hand.

Sam on the other hand was having the time of his life, sucking warm blood from a warm body. The sound of your moans only enhanced your taste. You squeezed Colby’s hand as the euphoria settled in, your face going pale. “Sam chill, you’re going too far,” Colby warned, choosing his wording carefully. Sam slowly pulled away from your neck, panting as he looked at you. You felt a familiar knot forming in your stomach, your mouth running dry.

“Fuck, i’m so so close,” You warned. Colby kept his fingers going at the same brutal pace, putting his mouth back on your clit. You whined at the sensation, throwing your head back. “Thats a good girl, cum on Colby’s fingers,” Sam praised, lapping at your wound. Droplets of your blood trailed down his chin, his tastebuds on fire as licked you clean. Your legs trembled as you cried out Colby’s name, cumming shamelessly on his fingers.

Sam’s boner was begging to be released, the slightest movement you made only making him harder. “You look so pretty cumming for us,” Sam whispered to your ear, peppering kisses all over your exposed skin. You were seeing stars, your mind spinning as you came down from your high. Colby slowly slipped out of you, the boys repositioning you quickly. They had forgotten how fragile humans were, your heart pounding so loudly they almost thought it was going to jump out of your chest.

You were positioned on all fours, your back instinctively arching as Sam took his place behind you. Colby was quick to attend to your sweet face, watching your doe eyes slowly open. “Hi Colby,” You whispered, giving him a dazed grin. Colby found himself smiling back, admiring your natural skin tone flooding back onto your face. “Hi princess,” Colby replied, giving you a genuine smile. You were able to see his fangs up close, the ends of them looking sharper than you had imagined.

Sam ran his tip up and down your drenched folds, the sensation making you shudder. “Why don’t you tell Sammy had badly you want his cock?” Colby asked mockingly. You tilted your head back, your adams apple visible to Colby as he leveled in front of you. “Sam please, I need it, so fucking bad,” You whined. Colby watched as you swallowed, trying to regain some moisture in your mouth.

Colby used one hand to tilt your head to the side, admiring the veins in your neck. “So beautiful,” He murmured. Sam slowly slid in, his cock bottoming out with ease. The brunette couldn’t help it anymore, deciding Sam fucking you senseless could wait. He needed to taste you now.

Holding your head up with one hand Colby sank his fangs into the other side of your neck, groaning at your taste. You were frozen in ecstasy, whimpers escaping your lips. You could feel your blood being drained out of you as Sam’s cock filled you whole. Sam moved his fingers down to your clit, swirling the abused bud as Colby drank from you. With each beat of your pulse he consumed more of you, before finally forcing himself to move away. He panted as blood dripped down your neck, the brunette using his thumb to wipe it away.

“Sam please move,” You begged, your words running together. You felt like you were on cloud nine, your eyes finally meeting Colby’s as Sam began to fuck you. “Colby, please,” You whined. The brunette smirked as he undid his belt, your desperation only turning him on more. “What is it princess? What do you need?” He asked mockingly, taking out his cock. Between unholy groans you managed to pant, “Please let me suck your cock, please.”

Colby grinned at the sight of you rolling out your tongue for him, your innocent doe eyes meeting his. “Fuck, i’m going to ruin you,” The brunette muttered. Sam’s assault on your cervix and clit continued mercilessly as Colby pushed his cock inside of your mouth, your jaw going slack as you maintained eye contact with him. “You have to try her mouth dude, fuck. It’s like she was made to suck cock,” Colby moaned, pushing himself in further.

His words only made Sam speed up, the blonde behind him coming closer and closer to his orgasm. “Next time we’ll switch, her cunt is milking me. It’s like she wants to be filled up by us,” Sam replied, grinning mischievously as your walls squeezed him. Your moans vibrated around Colby’s shaft, his tip hitting the back of your throat. You began to gag, spit pooling down the sides of your mouth and down your chin.

“Awe there we go that’s it, take my cock down your throat,” Colby praised, his face full of pride as he slid in further. You could feel your second orgasm coming, your body so incredibly full. Sam felt your walls squeeze him tighter, the blonde throwing his head back. “Fuck, that’s it, cum on my cock like the good whore you are. Go on. Let me breed you,” Sam spat, his hips snapping into yours. He gripped Colby’s thigh as you came on Sam’s cock, his fingers slowing down their assault on your clit.

Your vision became hazy as Sam came inside of you, groaning your name as he did so. Colby grabbed your hair, putting it in a makeshift ponytail. “Hope you didn’t forget about me princess, this is payback for the pepper spray,” Colby told you before cumming down your throat. You struggled to breathe as he slowly pulled his cock out of you, before swallowing all of his cum. Your waterline was flooded with tears as you looked up at him, completely and utterly dazed. You presented your tongue to him, proudly showing him that you had swallowed all of his seed.

You were filled with cum, covered in saliva and blood, tears threatening to escape your waterline and both boys could only think one thing: you were so fucking beautiful. Sam redressed himself first, while Colby guided you into a more comfortable position. As the brunette redressed himself he smiled, digging in his pocket. You watched as he pulled out a twinkie, handing it to you.

“I figured you might want this.”

You giggled as you took the sugary treat, watching as Sam grabbed a wet washcloth. You realized then, in that very moment, you would be seeing them again.

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