#S.T.A.R.S. shenanigans | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

landfilloftrash · 2 years

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incorrect quote thanks to @blueberries-are-needed

#my art #incorrect quotes #Rebecca Chambers #Chris Redfield #Albert Wesker #Barry Burton #Jill Valentine #Resident Evil #Resident Evil 1 #resident evil incorrect quotes #S.T.A.R.S. shenanigans #Jill had two energy drinks to stay awake and Barry had one (1) and severely regretted it once Wesker started driving #drew this in math class so y’all are getting traditional art rather than digital lmao #these idiots bring me so much joy #rea’s trash

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ithilien-wolf · 1 year

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Chris only wants a taste of that cake

The cake at hand:

2nd version - S.T.A.R.S. era:

Thanks!

#albert wesker #shenanigans #rebhfun #chris redfield #chrisker #chris redfield x wesker #s.t.a.r.s.#post re1

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ididntwantthisacount-blog2 · 2 years

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Yeah, spent 5 hours on these because S.T.A.R.S shenanigans fuel my boring ass life. Enjoy

#resident evil #s.t.a.r.s.#albert wesker #chris redfield #rebecca chambers #jill valentine #barry burton #brad vickers #joseph frost #shitpost #stars-ask-blog.tumblr.com #https://askressiebadguys.tumblr.com

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adversityfought-a · 2 years

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-`ˏ @megalcmania | ALBERT WESKER ˎ´-

→ “ i could break him. i could snap that fucker in half. ” [ AND WE KNOW WHO HE IS TALKING ABOUT (Irons). Maybe for the Normal AU? But fine with any! ]

( INBOX CLEARING 🪴 )

He snorts out a laugh, amused grin half-hidden behind the rim of his coffee cup as he takes a few sips. Too early in the morning - it was definitely needed. But apparently it wasn't too early in the morning for Irons' usual shenanigans. He wonders just what he did to genuinely leave the older man muttering threats under his breath, looking all of three seconds from stomping to his office to enact them.

Moving in towards his Captain’s desk, Chris places Wesker’s coffee on it’s surface, carefully nudging it over before he steps back.

Before his common sense can reign him in, warn him of the dangers of stoking at a fire like this - bothering Wesker especially - Chris' question has already left his lips as he idly swirls the coffee in his own cup, head cocking to the side as he pokes & prods further.

❝ What'd he do to get on your shit list this time? Little early to be planning homicide, isn't it? ❞

He wanders back to the entrance, casually leaning against the doorframe as he steals another sip of his coffee. The marksman let's the silence linger, waiting on the blonde to elaborate & answer his question or shoo him out & off to his own duties ( ignoring the fact he was here early for a change... ). From the look he gets, he feels like it’d probably be the latter.

❝ Hide the spare badges again? Change the keys? ❞

Figuring he'd rather fill the space with his own assumptions than wait, studying the other man with an amused air about him as he continues. Chris can't help but seriously wonder if he tried to tell Wesker how to run S.T.A.R.S. again. He noticed he always got particularly touchy when Irons would offer his... helpful suggestions in how to better run their group, criticizing what missions they’d taken, how effective they’d been. Oddly enough, he didn't seem to give Marini the same shit as he did Wesker - at least from what Chris was able to observe.

.

#-`ˏ ★ ˎ´- ─ ANSWERED IC.#-`ˏ ★ ˎ´- ─ INTERACTIONS.#megalcmania #❝ Twisted hands casting all our blame . We got lost in our broken ways. ❞ . ( MEGALCMANIA )#*ALBERT WESKER.#�� *𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐍 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄-𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄. ( 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐋 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 )

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thecodeveronica · 4 months

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My unrealistic wish for RE9 (feat. spoilers for other games in the series, fair warning):

...as always, warning that this is ridiculously long. That's just the norm for me, sorrrrrrrry ;_____;

Ideally, this would be back to a third-person, over-the-shoulder kind of game. my true wish would be fixed camera tank controls again lmao, but I'm one of the only people I could live with this being first-person again just for ONE last game to finish a "trilogy" of sorts, but 3rd person would be VERY MUCH preferred. I like to see my hot characters when I play as them, thank you very much

They pick up on the thread from RE8 with the B.O.W. soldiers sent by the BSAA, meaning this would probably be a Chris protagonist game. Which is fine with me, since I like Chris a lot and I think the games generally feel like they're in "sets" of three, so Chris being important in 7-9 feels right.

Basically, I'd want one big BSAA wrap-up game, before kinda... rebooting the series for the big #10. But I'll get to that later.

Jill would return too in some capacity, as she deserves. I know multiple campaigns are divisive in this series after RE6, so maybe just have parts where you are forced to shift between Chris and Jill. Not in a co-op kind of way, but kind of like when you play as Steve in CV or Ashley in 4, just on a much larger scale, you feel me?

Barry would be fairly old at this point, so maybe he could be on comms or something. Show up in a big damn heroes kind of moment at some point, or have his magnum be usable so it's like he's there. But he is with BSAA, so I'd like him there! And then it's also a (mostly) S.T.A.R.S. reunion, which would be pretty cool as a double reunion of sorts.

Sheva would FINALLY come back in a game. Like, holy shit, bring her back after all these years, good lord. Yeah, I get she's with the African branch of BSAA, but we had North American branch Chris in Africa with her in RE5 and NA branch Jill with European branch Parker in Rev1, so does it really matter? Not sure what kind of role she'd have, but I'd like her to be fairly prominent, and I'd like to see her and Jill interact more.

I think Parker and Josh would be super cool to see again too, but this is already bloated character-wise (and I'm not done yet teehee, you'll never guess why /s), and unfortunately I'm not sure that either was super popular, even if I like both of them. Give 'em at least mentions in a file or something for sure. what if Keith and Quint showed up. man, people would be PISSED if they came back but not other characters lmfao, though I actually don't mind them

Anyway, let's just do BSAA civil war. Who knows. The B.O.W. soldiers ends up being a breaking point. The BSAA characters everyone is familiar with are fighting against whoever authorized that decision, bioweapon shenanigans ensue, some kind of bigger villain shows up and ends up as the final boss.

And along the way - BEAR WITH ME, I KNOW I'M OUT OF MY MIND WHEN IT COMES TO HIM, SHHHHH - Piers comes back because of course he would in a game about the BSAA and B.O.W.s, RIGHT? RIGHT????? He just... floated to the surface after RE6 or something, dumber things have happened in this series. He survived because that C-virus strain was an advanced one or some shit, I don't really care how lol. They could be like "somehow, Piers returned" like Palpatine and I'd just be happy one of my two RE husbands carlos is the other for the record was back, no questions asked.

So then maybe he's not fully in his right mind and still kinda mutated-looking with his arm and eye and you have to fight him at some point. It'd be pretty exciting since you could get some good Chris angst from this (and he'd be even MORE pissed about the BSAA doing this stuff), and Jill could want to help Chris try to bring Piers back to his senses, just like Chris did for her when she was under Wesker's control in 5. It's like poetry, I know :)

Then by the end, you get some super cool team-up where everyone there (Chris, Jill, Sheva, Piers, maaaaybe Barry too at the end) does some sick posing and Death Island-type stuff, and the final boss happens. And... I don't know, I only have broad strokes dreams here lol. That's why I have issues with getting my fanfic ideas out, after all.

Now, I know some people would be like "doesn't this whole Piers thing cheapen the ending of RE6?" To which I say, "no." Because that game is over 10 years old, it's not like this turnaround happened immediately. Hell, I STILL to this day get teary-eyed at the end of Sonic Adventure 2 with Shadow "dying" despite him being in 20+ years of Sonic content since then, and LITERALLY RETURNING IN THE VERY NEXT MAIN GAME after SA2. If something is effective emotionally, it just is, regardless of what happens after, IMO.

But it's not like it matters, because it won't happen :( And instead we'll probably get some kind of BSAA drama, but not like this. And even worse, we might get another new protag, which frankly I do not want. I like new characters (most of my faves in this series are one-off characters lol), but Ethan does not instill confidence in me right now.

Back to an earlier point, though... I want this to be a big "yay, all the BSAA characters are here" thing because I need Piers so bad to wrap up that whole thread, then just pseudo-reboot the series. I still think making the games follow real life years was a dumb, shortsighted decision that really traps the plot and characters writing-wise, so I'd just start over after this. Do yet another RE1 remake, then move on from there in a new continuity. One that is NOT beholden to how much time passes IRL. And take the knowledge of what people liked and what people didn't to make new stories with the same cast (with some changes). Like, they know now that Luis was very popular after the remake. Do more with him. Do more with Carlos. With Ashley. With Piers. Introduce them in different ways. Stuff like that.

BUUUUUT again I know none of this will happen. I really do wonder where they intend to go with the series with the age issue with characters, though. This could've all been avoided (for a while, anyway) if they'd just used RE6 as a stepping stone for passing the torch to some of the younger characters (Piers > Chris, Helena > Leon, Sherry and Jake would kinda be their own thing and also I still can't believe they introduce WESKER'S SON only to do nothing with him after that like wtf, Sheva > Jill?). Too late now, though.

Also, if you read all this (god help you) and are thinking "you really want to do a 'finale" game without Leon in it?" My answer is yeah lol, I don't really care because it'd just reboot anyway in my dream world version of things, so you'd all be seeing Leon again anyway at some point. Plus, he has little to do with the BSAA, so yeaaaaaaah. It pains me not to include Claire too, but them's the breaks.

#only a very sane person with normal levels of attachment to characters would type this up btw :))))#(that was a joke in case it wasn't clear)#just screaming into the void here since i know this is nigh incomprehensible probably #sometimes you just need to get out your obsessive thoughts even if no one else knows what on god's green earth you're talking about lol....#h.text #h.REvomit

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piers-wifey · 1 year

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It's nice to see you're doing okay. Wondered why it seemed so quiet on here. But I don't blame you for wanting a break

Hey there Meri, it's good to see ya again. I hope you're doing well yourself. Also, thank you for understanding. Let's just hope this ol' gremlin here will be back with their shenanigans soon, lol. And S.T.A.R.S. shitposts.

#Asks for Piers #Meri-exe

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freewillacquired · 1 year

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Available RP Verses for Matt/Nemesis

{out of mutations} Below the cut are all the possible verses for Matt and Nemmy. None of these are super rigid, they’re just meant to give people an idea of the points at which they can be rped, and to help me with tag organization.

MATT

{ locked in like lab rats } ʰⁱᵛᵉ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - This verse will take place inside the Hive and during the evens of Resident Evil (2002). Your muse could be breaking into it with him after the virus was released, or they could already be in the Hive for some reason, an employee or a research test subject, and survived the outbreak when Matt arrives.

{ research and development } ˡᵃᵇʳᵃᵗᵒʳʸ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - This verse takes place after Matt is taken from the Hive and brought to the medical research facility in Raccoon City Hospital. He may be altered with the virus or through surgery but still is in his human form and has not yet mutated into Nemesis. Your muse could either work at the facility or be an experimental prisoner there too and somehow come across Matt. Escape plans and various other shenanigans will likely ensue, heh.

{ catch me if you can } ᶠᵘᵍⁱᵗⁱᵛᵉ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - Matt escapes from the medical research facility before he is fully mutated into Nemesis and is on the run from Umbrella. He will have some issues with mutating and other viral “powers,” but for now he stays human. This is a flexible verse that can exist pretty much anywhere and Matt can run into your muse however we want.

{ so where are you from? } ᶜʳᵒˢˢᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - This verse is reserved for crossovers with muses from other fandoms, and can involve melding aspects of the muses’ two worlds or taking one of them and placing them into the other’s world. This verse can be set during one of the above verses, but may not follow the plot of the movies depending on how the different fandoms have been combined.

NEMESIS

{ nemesis program activated } ˡᵃᵇʳᵃᵗᵒʳʸ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - This verse would be the continuation of Matt’s laboratory verse, but by this time, he has been mutated into Nemesis. Again, your muse could either work at the facility or be an experimental prisoner there too and somehow come across Nemesis.

{ evolutionary dead end } ᵃᵖᵒᶜᵃˡʸᵖˢᵉ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - This verse would take place in Raccoon City during the events of Resident Evil: Apocalypse. The T-virus has escaped from the Hive via the R.C. Hospital and has spread out into the city. Umbrella has locked the city down and abandoned civilians and their own paramilitary inside its walls. They are about to nuke the city to cover up and contain the outbreak. In the midst of this, Nemesis is deployed to test his effectiveness as a hunter and obedience as a soldier. Your muse could work for Umbrella and maybe be Nemmy’s handler, or your muse could be a civilian, police, or even Umbrella paramilitary who might run into him in the city. Nemesis would be under Umbrella’s control, but that control can be broken in various ways.

{ s.t.a.r.s..... } ᵍᵃᵐᵉ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - This verse would use Nemesis from the Resident Evil 3 remake game. It can involve the events of the movie as well, but mostly this version of Nemesis will have multiple forms. First form is like the movie version, and second form is larger, more armored, spikier, and often walks/runs on all fours. Third form is that huge amorphous blob thing that filled up a whole room, so I probably won’t be using that one haha, but second form is a big possibility. This verse can also just include more game locations and plot, if your muse is a game muse vs. a movie muse.

{ dead man walking } ʷᵃⁿᵈᵉʳⁱⁿᵍ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - Just prior to Raccoon City being “sanitized” by a PTNW (precision tactical nuclear weapon), Nemesis is struck by a crashing helicopter. He is knocked unconscious and then nuked, heh, but the metal from the helicopter shielded enough of his head such that he could regenerate his body. It takes time, but once it happens, he is able to simply walk out of the ruins of the city. This is a versatile verse too because he can go anywhere, for any reason, with anyone... maybe with your muse.

{ back underground } ʳᵉᵗʳⁱᵇᵘᵗⁱᵒⁿ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - This verse would take place in Kamchatka, Russia, in Umbrella’s underwater research and testing facility. This facility has hyper-realistic simulations of cities and towns as well as human beings, for the purpose of testing how use of their viruses as weapons would pan out. Nemesis having been recaptured by Umbrella, has been once again placed under their forced control and would be one of the “biohazards” the Red Queen A.I. could release during simulations or to hunt down intruders. Your muse could work at the facility and maybe hate the way Nemmy is treated, or your muse could be a prisoner or infiltrator who comes across him.

{ i know i’m a monster } ᶜʳᵒˢˢᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ - This verse is reserved for crossovers with muses from other fandoms, and can involve melding aspects of the muses’ two worlds or taking one of them and placing them into the other’s world. This verse can be set during one of the above verses, but may not follow the plot of the movies depending on how the different fandoms have been combined.

#{ out of mutations } ᵒᵒᶜ #rp verses #muse: matt addison #muse: nemesis

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electricprincess96 · 1 year

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Have me and my flatmates been up all night coming up with a non Raccoon City Incident/non-evil Wesker AU which is just an excuse to have funny slice of life S.T.A.R.S shenanigans (also featuring Leon, Carlos and Claire)? Yes.... yes we have.

Jill continuously being propositioned for her lockpick skills so that Chris/Leon/Claire etc. Can fuck with people (mostly Wesker).

Wesker and Rebecca are coffee buddies ie. They're the first 2 in the office each morning and have morning coffee together in silence.

Leon and Rebecca are the office gossips because Rebecca's seat gives her clear view of everyone else's business.

Chris CAN solve all the puzzles in the Police Station but he likes annoying Wesker by making him come pick him up at the main lobby cause he "forgot" the answers to the puzzles again.

Leon joining STARS down the line and sitting next to Barry and behind Chris and throwing stuff at the back of Chris' head.

Carlos joining STARS and flirting with Jill on the job and getting scolded by Wesker.

Barry and Carlos getting Chris and Wesker matching Gay Icon Mugs cause they think it's hilarious. Chris and Wesker don't but they do proceed to only use those mugs from now on.

Carlos' brings a Vinyl player to the office and slowly the rest of the crew accumulate an impressive Vinyl collection.

Wesker brings in an IKEA bookcase, makes Chris and Leon build it together as a bonding exercise and then tells the group of that bookcase isn't full by the end of the week with a decent variety of literature he's docking their pay.

Rebecca getting real tired of trying to teach the team proper health and safety measures when the team includes Jill, Chris, Wesker and Leon 4 walking occupational hazards.

Jill takes Chris to gay bars every Saturday, they may or may not have ran into Wesker there once but they all agreed for their own mental health it was best to never speak of it again.

Leon gave Claire a parking ticket on his first day as a rookie cop and he hasn't been able to get rid of her since but he's not complaining cause he likes her, although Chris did use it as an excuse to bully the rookie.

Claire will just turn up at STARS office and just make her self at home. For this reason Chris is the only one in the team Wesker doesn't call by his last name because if Claire is there, they get confused. Leon doesn't even get his last name, he is and will always be "Rookie" (even after Carlos joins after him).

Barry, Chris and Carlos go to concerts together.

Chris and Wesker compete at the shooting range while the rest of the team watch and place bets. Leon and Jill are tied for most correct predictions. Chris is 1 ahead of Wesker currently.

Jill brings her dog to work. It likes to sleep under her desk, drool on Chris' shoes and sneak into Wesker's office for treats.

We definitely discussed more but it is now 6am and I need to sleep so enjoy these sleep deprived ramblings.

#resident evil blogging #slice of life stars au

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misch3fbunni3 · 3 years

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My take on how Chris and Wesker got together.

The Courting - The antics between Chris and Wesker leading up to the events in Encounters. Beware of pastry abuse. No smut.

Encounters - Pure smut after Wesker finally gives into Chris's persistent pursuit. Smut for days.

The Inbetween - Follows Wesker's death and how Chris handles the loss and betrayal.

#chris/wesker #chrisxwesker #weskerxchris #weskerfield #weskfield #albert wesker #wesker x chris #wesker/chris #chris redfield #s.t.a.r.s.#resident evil #shameless #shenanigans #explict #chrisker

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landfilloftrash · 2 years

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In Body and Soul by DysfunctionalSerenity has me in an absolute vice grip I ADORE ghost/living dynamics I love them so so much; have a moment from chapter 3

#my art #fanart for a fic #Resident Evil #Resident Evil AU #S.T.A.R.S. shenanigans #technically /lh #Chris Redfield #Albert Wesker #technically not Chrisker at the moment but it’s got the potential to be #does it make sense to have him put on the glasses inside NO but fuck you I’m doing it ANYWAYS #i like drawing eyes they’re so expressive which is WHY he HIDES THEM #anyways FUCK drawing the RPD me and homies HATE drawing the RPD #feed me ghost/living person fics I will DEVOUR them #rea’s trash

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onbehalfovenus · 4 years

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I would literally die for a L.A. Noire style S.T.A.R.S. game

where you have to drive around and solve crimes in raccoon city when the regular police officers are too busy to deal with them. Apparently the team was formed due to the increase in terrorism(?!) in the late 90′s so we can have some serious missions too. But do you have any idea the POTENTIAL of playing as Chris as he drives his patrol car off of a bridge like everyone has done at some point in a rockstar game with Rebecca in the passenger side just literally crying and just quietly saying, “I skipped most of my childhood to get my Phd early as a child prodigy for this”. DO YOU KNOW THE CHAOTIC POSSIBILITIES OF PLAYING AS BRAD FREELY CONTROLLING A HELICOPTER? HOW ABOUT GETTING TO BETTER KNOW ALL OF THE STARS MEMBERS OTHER THAT THE SURVIVORS? DO YOU KNOW THE POSSIBLE SHENANIGANS THAT COULD BE INITIATED????

btw your first assignment is getting Wesker’s morning coffee.

#resident evil #special tactics and rescue service #s.t.a.r.s.#special tactics and rescue squad #chris redfield #jill valentine #rebecca chambers #brad vickers #Albert Wesker #edward dewy #enrico marini #forest speyer #kenneth sullivan #richard aiken #pre mansion incident #resident evil 1 #pre-resident evil #make it fucking happen

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trustsbuilt-gone · 7 years

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S.T.A.R.S humanitarianism

#wesker & forest vs chris and joseph #after watching top gun for the 3485958 time i felt the need to put this up #ofc anyone who talks to me on the daily knows how many headcanons i have of the S.T.A.R.S. team #and this OBS shenanigans and i couldnt resist #but!#i still have it largely in my head that the RPD/S.T.A.R.S did manage charity type events #so they basically did shit like this #and played BASKETBALL OFC #mens volleyball tho i mean...who wouldnt...want to see some of that huh #ANYWAY.#idk what to tag this under but here it is #ALSO #i already reblogged the song but its def a joseph chris and forest theme

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textsfromthebsaa · 6 years

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Anonymous Requested: How about shenanigans between S.T.A.R.S members? (different "What If" timeline where they survived?)

If they survived, I imagine most of them would be in the BSAA- here’s how I think that plays out!

Brad Vickers is IT/Comms and hoo boy should you feel bad for him because QUINT AND I ARE GOING TO MAKE HIS LIFE HELL. Or at least we're gonna be unable to resist messing with him. (Though we do respect his expertise of course. We just also like to mess with him.) Unfortunately his callsign "Chickenheart" has stuck...

Richard Aiken would probably be Senior Comms. Officer instead of me. He's super well liked by everyone- chances are if Cap'n Redfield is everyone's dad, Richard is everyone's big brother. He probably hangs out with Brad, too. His callsign is probably something punny like "Snakebite". I'll bet money he still makes jokes about the YAWN incident!

Edward Dewey was a pilot back in STARS- I feel like he'd carry on that role here too. He strikes me as the "quiet presence" type- like, you know he's there and watching but he doesn't really pipe up much. Totally married to the job, y'know? But then again, he apparently looked after Professor Chambers a lot back in the day... anyway, his callsign is "Thunder". Because while he's quiet, we all probably make jokes about him being the loud n' rowdy one.

Joseph Frost is a field agent, let's not even kid ourselves. He's super gung-ho and always ready to take the field. I'd vote he's practically fearless even! Newbies tend to feel safe around him and veteran combatants always get really worried because of how reckless he gets sometimes. We call him "Maniac" since a higher-up chewed him out over comms on accident once and called him that.

Enrico Marini is retired by now, but we bring him onboard as a tactical advisor from time to time. He's probably one of the smartest guys we know and gets a lot of respect from us- which kinda bothers him a little. We all can joke and be silly with Captain Redfield, but we get pretty quiet around him. (I think it makes him sad.) We call him "Crossroads" when he's advising us. I don't really know why? It was probably Quint's idea.

Forest Speyer is also a captain like our captain! His squad is considered to be the rival squad to Captain Redfield's. He's always telling embarrassing stories about the Captain and Director Valentine and making us laugh. It's kind of like having an uncle, really! His callsign is "Hotshot" because Captain Redfield called him that as a joke once and it stuck.

That leaves Kenneth Sullivan. He's a great support unit all around, but I'm pretty sure he's become a researcher or a field medic here. He's really easy to talk to, so a lot of people go to him with their worries. He doesn't go on field very much at all anymore, but when he does his callsign is "Doc". Also, he's one of the best cooks on base!

...Huh. Now that I look at it... it's kind of like we're a big family here!

BONUS TEXT FEAT. CAP’N AND MESSING WITH BRAD:

#Chris Redfield #brad vickers #Richard Aiken #joseph frost #edward dewey #enrico marini #kenneth sullivan #resident evil #texts from the bsaa #au: surviving stars

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fictionkinfessionsarchived · 7 years

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I low key wonder what it was like for the sourcemates I've met to realize that I, Albert "complete global saturation" Wesker was not your every day textbook, comic book villain. Most of the stuff I'll share with others normally just involves shenanigans with S.T.A.R.S. or one fucked up 4th of July celebration that William dragged me along to and I inadvertently prank called the entire Alpha team because I was drunk and couldn't get a ride home. Because that's soo scary, right?

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #albertweskerkin #residentevilkin #alcohol cw #canoning issue #?#Anonymous #mod party cat!

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killscreencinema · 7 years

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Resident Evil 7: Biohazard (PlayStation 4)

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I haven’t played a new Resident Evil game since Resident Evil 5. I played the demo for RE6, and the gameplay had becomes so stale and boring I just skipped playing the game altogether. So I was excited by the gameplay footage for Resident Evil 7: Biohazard because it was so far removed from any other RE game I’d played and it seemed like the series had reinvented itself once again, like it did with Resident Evil 4.

By the way, speaking of Resident Evil talk, I think I have something RE related here... hold on, let me look for it... ah, here it is! An older episode of my podcast Killscreen Cinema, where we talked about the first Resident Evil movie!

https://soundcloud.com/the-dnn/killscreen-cinema-14-resident

Hey, I don’t get to cross-promote as often I’d like on this blog, so I’ll take it when I can!

Resident Evil 7: Biohazard (FYI, the subtitle is a bit of a reference to the Japanese name for the RE series, which is simply “Biohazard”), which was released earlier this year by Capcom, is a first-person survival horror game that still exists firmly within the Resident Evil-verse, but is more or less a soft reboot as such key RE phrases as Umbrella, Wesker, S.T.A.R.S., or “Hunk” are not mentioned. You play as Ethan, a young man who ventures into the Louisiana bayou to look for his wife Mia, who went missing in that area three years ago. He had received a mysterious email from her, warning him to stay away, but like the idiotic horror movie protagonist he is, Ethan goes alone into a clearly dangerous abandoned plantation in the middle of nowhere with no weapons or backup.

His “courage”, if that’s what you want to call it, pays off in the form of being quickly captured by the residents (EVIL!) of the farm, the psychotic Baker family. These aren’t your normal, garden variety psychos, as something is clearly wrong with them beyond their lack of hospitality. This is most evident as the patriarch of the family, Jack, chases you throughout the house, seemingly unperturbed by being shot multiple times or, say, being decapitated. Yep, there is definitely some kind of Resident Evil shenanigans going on at the Baker household and it’s up to you to figure out what it is, while saving your wife in the process.

As mentioned, this time around the gameplay is more like an FPS than a third-person shooter, although I wouldn’t consider it a “run-and-gun” like Doom. This actually isn’t new ground for the Resident Evil series, as a Resident Evil FPS game for the PlayStation 1 was released called Resident Evil: Survivor:

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See how little of the actual gameplay they showed in that commercial? It’s because they knew that game fucking sucked.

Resident Evil 7, on the other hand, does not suck - in fact, I’d consider a rather successful reboot of the series, although it’s not without its flaws. The most major flaw being the lack of enemy variety types and lame ass boss fights (the lamest being the final boss). Throughout the game, you encounter bipedal slime monsters known as the “Molded”, who come in three types: normal, four-legged, and fat (oops, I mean “husky”).

That’s it. Those are the only enemies in the whole game, besides the Baker family, who relentlessly hunt Ethan throughout their property. Honestly, these portions of the game of the most fun, and the most intense, as you have to find ways to slip by them because killing them isn’t an option - they just shrug off all your attacks. This to me is the heart of the game, so (spoilers) once you dispatch the family and move on to hunting down the TRUE menace, the person who is responsible for the Bakers’ unfortunate transformation, the game takes a bit of a lame turn and becomes pretty pedestrian. It’s okay, but all of the charm is lost.

Fortunately the game is short enough that this doesn’t become too much of a drag on one’s patience. Other than the new window dressing, the game plays basically the same as any other Resident Evil game - collect enough ammo and herbs to survive, kill monsters, repeat. The story is usually absolutely ridiculous, yet entertaining, and featuring memorable characters... not to mention memorable quotes...

(SPOILERS) I should also mention that at some point the game presents you with a choice. After obtaining the serum that is supposed to cure the fungal infection that allows Eveline to control people, you can either give it to your wife Mia OR to Zoe, the estranged daughter of the Baker family who calls you on the phone throughout the game to give you advice. There are two problems with this premise:

1.) This is literally the first time you physically MEET Zoe, so why in the hell would you sacrifice your wife, whom you risked life and ACTUAL limb for, to save her? The game does nothing to inspire any kind of affection or sense of loyalty to Zoe that makes this a difficult choice. However, all of that could be forgiven but for...

2.) ...it doesn’t matter who you choose in the grand scheme of things. If you give the cure to Zoe, she ends up dying immediately and the game goes on more or less the same except Mia doesn’t survive at the end. Whoopity shit.

Overall Resident Evil 7 is a solid game, though one I’d advise picking up used for $30 bucks max.