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luveline · 10 months

Note

hey jade!! i love kisses before dinner and was wondering (if you like the idea) maybe you could write something about avery realising how scary giving birth can be and starts worry about it before the new baby arrives? <3<3<3

thank you for your request! kisses before dinner —mom!you and dad!steve comfort avery when she has concerns for your health. fem!reader, 3k

cw discussed maternal mortality and death

Steve Harrington looks out over the kitchen table that night with a great sense of success. You're sitting at the other end with Dove on your knee, feeding her bites of macaroni cheese between feigned spoonfuls given to her rainbow teddy bear. Bethie sits to his left eating without complaint (a victory considering her pickiness). Avery sits to his right, trying to pour her own glass from the juice jug. It's awesome.

Steve quickly swallows the drink he'd been sipping on and offers to help her, hand extended, "Here. I got it."

"I can do it," Avery insists, her long arms shaking under the weight.

He doesn't mind her being independent, nor her improving capabilities, but the last thing he wants to do tonight is clean up a huge juice spill. Steve takes the juice gently and refills her plastic cup.

"Dad," she whines.

"Avery," he whines back.

She huffs and grabs her fork, ignoring her fresh cup of juice to shovel in bites of broccoli and macaroni instead.

"I think I'm done," Bethie says. Steve must have jinxed it.

He attempts to do the impossible —convince Bethie to finish dinner. He takes up station by the side of her chair, having tried everything now, and only this works.

"Beth," he says, putting his hand behind her back, "Are you sure there's no room left? I don't want you to be hungry again before we go to bed 'cos you won't tell me, will you?"

"I'm full," she insists, reaching for her drink bottle.

"Is there something wrong with it?" he asks, rubbing up and down her back.

"No, daddy, it's nice," she says. She isn't quite convincing, but she tries.

Steve looks at her. She looks like Steve sometimes, like neither of you other times, but mostly he looks at her and he sees you. Your smile, your frown, Bethie's tell is the same as yours when she lies. Steve can read you both like a book.

"Is it cold?" he asks, sticking his pinky finger in the corner of her macaroni. "A little. If I heat it back up for you, would that make it better?"

"No, please," she says.

He sighs. "Make you something else? Sandwiches?"

"I'm not hungry, daddy."

Steve plasters a smile over his worries and kisses her cheek. "Okie smokie. Well done, honey, you ate lots and lots. Let's try even more for breakfast, yeah?"

"Yes!" she agrees, sliding off of her chair.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"Need to pee!" she yells, running to the stairs. She opens the baby gate (which she’s known how to do for too many years, way before supposed to know how to —thanks so much, Avery) and Steve listens to her sprint up the stairs with a wince.

"Call me if you need help!" he yells after her.

"Okay!"

"You think that's why she didn't want to eat?" you ask, wiping the corners of Dove's mouth with her bib.

Steve stands up and stretches his arms behind his head. "I don't know," he says, rolling his neck around in a circle.

"Is it gross if I eat her leftovers?" you ask.

"I'll make you another pot, if you want it," Steve offers, arms dropping down to his side. He's been trying to get back into shape lately. It's not working out. "You having cravings?"

"I'm just hungry all the time," you say, your voice melding into a sing song as you finish wiping Dove's face. "All done! Good girl, Dovey! You're my good girl." You plaster her forehead with a layer of kisses before putting her down on the floor. She wobbles, hands on your thighs. "Okay? You want another drink?"

"Dotty Dolly," she says, taking your hand. "Please. Please, Dolly."

"Yeah, my love. I'm coming." You groan as you stand up, not quite pregnant enough to worry about popping soon but more than enough to feel exhaustion to the marrow.

"Just me and you then," Steve says to Avery, tucking in chairs and piling plates at the table.

"Me and you, sir," she agrees in a funny voice.

"Still mad at me?"

She remembers to glare at him. "Yes!" She takes another bite of macaroni. "Okay, no."

"If you're not gonna chew with your mouth closed, put your hand over your mouth. I don't wanna see your chewed up dinner." Avery pokes her tongue out, laughing when Steve says, "Ewww."

He sets the leftovers aside for you rather than waste Bethie's largely untouched pasta in the trash, stacking the dishes in the sink and wetting a cloth to wipe down the table. He cleans around Avery, squeezing her neck, shoulders and arms to make her squirm as he goes.

"You want seconds?" he asks, returning to the sink.

"I want dessert."

"Good idea. You know Mom's so pregnant all she does lately is wake me up for ice cream."

"She wakes you up?" Avery asks.

"By accident trying to put her socks on at the end of the bed. Baby's getting too big now, she can't see her toes."

"It's a good thing she has you, dad."

"Yeah, but you'd help mommy, wouldn't you? Help her put her shoes on if she couldn't reach?"

Avery hops off of her chair and passes him her plate, completely clean of food. She grows like a bamboo shoot and eats like a rabid dog. He loves it. She's evidence that he's a good cook.

"Thank you. What did you want for dessert?" he asks.

"I have something to ask you."

"Oh." Steve hates the sound of that, theorising that she wants a new something or other he'll have to say no to. He grabs her by the waist, wet hands and all, hoisting her up onto the counter by the dish rack. He puts a rag in her hands. "You dry and I'll answer."

"It's a weird question," Avery warns.

"Avery, you wouldn't believe how weird some of the questions I've asked are. Don't worry about it."

He scrunches dirty water out of the dish sponge and squirts soap onto a dirty plate. The hot water burns his fingertips. Avery dries a plastic plate diligently, her question coming out slow as running wax.

"Mom's gonna be okay, right?" she asks quietly.

Steve fights to keep his eyebrows down. They bob anyways. "Okay from what?"

"When she has the baby. She's not going to get hurt?"

"Well, having a baby really hurts. But there's medicine for her to take, and I'll be there to hold her hand."

"No," Avery says, frowning, "that's not…"

"Sorry, Ave. Ask me again, try a different word."

She puts the dried plate down to her left and picks another to dry. "Will mom die?"

"No," he says. Doesn't miss a beat, though his pulse capers. He knows that childbirth is hard, that lots of things can go wrong, but if he truly thought you might die he wouldn't have asked for another baby. And even if he did think it were going to happen, it's not a thought Avery needs to have. "She won't die, I promise you. Where'd you get that idea, honey?"

"Jordan's mom died having a baby."

Steve nods and tries to recalibrate the conversation. He knew of Jordan's mom passing away, he made a couple of trays of food for Jordan's dad and put money in the collection plate for her memorial, but he didn't know Avery knew precisely how it happened.

"Right, she did," he says gently. "And that's scary, huh?"

"Why can't it happen to mommy if it happened to her?" Avery asks.

Steve shuts off the water. Hand still wet, he rubs his forehead roughly. "Can I have that?" he asks Avery, gesturing for the dish cloth. She gives it to him, putting down her last plate, and Steve wipes his fingers dry to pick her up without getting her wet a second time.

"Let's have a talk," he says, tilting his head to the side. He sees his eyes looking back at him, smaller and softer, longer lashes but the same honeyed brown. "Me, you, and mommy. Okay?"

"Dad," she says, startled.

"It's okay, It'll be better if you talk to mom, too, because it's mom that's already had babies, not me. I think I know everything because my brain is so big and stuff, but I can't tell you what your mom is thinking."

"I don't want mommy to get upset," she says.

It's partially his fault for asking her to tell him if there's a problem rather than you a few weeks ago. He didn't want you walking up and down the stairs unnecessarily, and your blood pressure is something they've been keeping an eye on. He didn't mean for Avery to bottle things up. Every time Steve thinks he's doing something right it finds a way to bite him in the ass.

"I meant if Bethie's turned the faucet on and flooded the bathroom, or if you want to change your bed or something, not that you can't ask her things that are worrying you," he says, readjusting her weight. Her knees dig into his sides as he carries her to the living room doorway from the kitchen.

"Hey, mom?" he asks.

Your head jumps up. You're sitting on the edge of the couch with Dove's face in your knee, a dribble patch dampening your pants. Bethie has her hand in yours sitting next to you. You're still in your work clothes, your bump straining against everything now, but yet to drop. He'll have to wash your pants tonight.

"Hey?" you say, a guilty smile tugging up your pretty mouth. "I'm coming to do the dishes, I swear. My girls caught me in their net."

"Can we talk to you? For a minute," Steve says.

Your eyes widen. You stand up with a funny noise like someone's stepped on your toes, lifting Dove by the armpits to sit next to Bethie. You kiss the girls goodbye and they're too distracted by Dotty Dolly playing on the TV to mind.

"What's wrong?" you ask, following Steve back into the kitchen.

"Want me to explain?" Steve asks Avery. She nods. "Avery's a little worried about you."

"About me?" You put your hands under your face and beam at her. "What's worrying you? I've never been better."

"She's worried about when you have the baby."

"'Cos of Jordan's mom," Avery whispers.

You hear it despite her small voice, your smile sobering. "I see… I see. You know… you're a big girl, Avery. You're my big girl, and I wish I could keep you this young forever sometimes, but I know that you know that people don't get to stay with us forever, so I don't want to scare you, but I'll tell you what I think, yeah?"

Avery swallows around nothing.

Steve gives her back a sympathetic pat. "It's okay," he says to her, enthusing his voice with some pep to calm her down.

"Jordan's mommy was sick when she passed away," you say, your hand resting on your bump now, inching closer to Steve and Avery where they've paused under the kitchen light. "She knew things were going to be hard. When you have a baby, you know things won't be easy, but it's not fair. It's very sad. She," —you look at Steve with a parent familiar fear that says, Am I saying the right things?— "said goodbye before anyone wanted her too, but Avery." Steve knows what you're going to say. It's a promise he made only minutes ago, one that you have no control over keeping, but a necessary one nonetheless to make. You could very well have complications down the line, things could spin out of control, but Avery doesn't need the stress of that hanging over her. "I promise you here and now that I'm not going anywhere. Daddy won't let me."

He laughs a little breathlessly. "Damn straight."

"But daddy isn't a doctor," Avery says, holding out her arm.

You walk into Avery's reach, letting her climb from Steve's arms to yours without complaint. "He didn't have time to be a doctor, he was too busy being the best dad ever."

"Are you flirting with me?" Steve asks.

"Duh, Stevie." You turn your attention to Avery, struggling to hold her and stroke a hair from her face. "Don't worry about me. Promise me you won't, Ave."

"I just don't want you to go away," Avery says with a frown.

Steve feels an unexpected heat behind his eyes. You smile softly, your thumb on Avery's cheek. "Then I won't. I'll stay. I can't go anywhere without you, gorgeous."

Steve strokes the back of Avery's head. "And I can't be without either of you, so mom doesn't have a choice."

He wishes things were that simple. Steve has no idea what the future holds, but he chooses to believe it'll be a good one, where every one of his girls gets to grow old. But the future isn't something he can predict nor change by wishing alone.

"Did that make much sense to you, sweetheart?" you ask Avery.

"It makes sense. Sorry."

You and Steve make twin sounds of loving disbelief.

"Sorry for what?" you ask, as Steve says, "No, God, don't be sorry!"

"It's okay to ask me stuff," you say.

"That's what we're here for."

Avery wraps her arms around your neck. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" she whispers, near imperceptibly, Steve's ears straining to hear her under the sounds of the water heater and the television.

"I'm sure. I've done it three times already."

"Are you scared?"

You shake your head resolutely. "No. You know why?"

"Why?"

"'Cos I know, at the end of it I might get another little girl who's just like you. Or like Beth, or Dove. Maybe I'll get one who's nothing like any of you, but I know with such a great big sister she's going to be amazing."

Avery rests her cheek on your shoulder. "You think so?"

"I know so."

"Thank you," she says.

You laugh again. "For what?" you ask, nails raking up and down the length of her back. "Only telling you what's true. Me and daddy think you're the bestest."

Steve rubs his face with both hands rather than cry. Crying makes his eyes sore and he has to wake up at six AM tomorrow to take the girls to swimming lessons at seven thirty. (He also doesn't want Avery to see him crying and get the wrong idea, what with the previous conversation.)

"Mom?" Bethie asks in the doorway.

"Yes?" you murmur, resting your head atop Avery's gently.

"Excuse me."

You laugh a charmed laugh and scoot out of the way, resting your weight on the door jam. Bethie looks incredibly small idling at his feet, even though Dove is much smaller. She smiles nervously.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. He pretends to be nonchalant, while inside he's thinking about lots of things. Avery's huge heart and all her worries. Bethie's emerging cheekiness after years of quiet. Dove's roaring giggle when you squeeze her just right. And you, your bump, your devotion to him and the girls, but more than that —your voice and how you talk with all the good you possess. How you're talking now to Avery in dulcet tones.

Bethie takes his hand. "Can I have the rest of my mac and cheese, please?"

"Yeah, babe. Unless you want dessert instead?"

His hand sways in her grip. "I want mac and cheese if that's okay."

Steve picks her up with a typical dad groan. He'll check on Dove first, but he has no qualms with warming her mac and cheese. He'd offer to make you another helping if you weren't distracted entirely, nose bridge nuzzling into Avery's neck.

He doesn't know what the future holds, but he hopes for more of this.

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doggobreebree · 7 months

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Caregiver!MLP X Little!MC Part 1

The prompt: They are your caregiver. (You are gender-neutral)

∘₊✧──Twilight Sparkle──✧₊∘ ~ Prints out activity pages and gets activity books with colored pencils so you have something that will be fun and help you learn while in little space, even if it doesn't help you learn. ~ Lets you hug Smarty Pants and even lets you play with them. ~ Plays a music box to help you relax and even fall asleep to it with you. ~ Gives the best story times and reads to you often, even encouraging you to read at some parts. ∘₊✧──Rarity──✧₊∘ ~ Makes you cute outfits to wear while in little space, she would also make your paci look amazing and make you a stuffies. ~ Takes you out on a jewel hunt and lets you get a little dirty so you can have fun digging up the jewels but she gives you long baths after to make sure you are clean since she doesn't like dirty. ~ During bathtime, she lets you pick out whatever bath boom you want as well as a hand full of toys and what bubble bath soap you want in the bath. ~ Her cat really likes you and she would take pictures of you and Opalescence. ∘₊✧──Fluttershy──✧₊∘ ~ Cuddles with you and lets you cuddle with her animals from bunnies to bears, they would all be kind to you. She would make sure that Angel was nice to you! ~ When you are outside with her she gives you animal facts on every animal you see in hopes you would enjoy it. She normally gets giggles from you when she says some words in a funny way to make you laugh. ~ Sings you to sleep or if you are having a bad day she sings a song to try to make you feel more calm and relaxed. She would rub your back and hug you while rocking you back and forth during this. ~ Gives you hay sandwiches, salad, and would even take you out to Sugarcube Corner. ∘₊✧──Rainbow Dash──✧₊∘ ~ Puts you on her back and flies around Ponyvile high in the sky, when you tell her to go faster she would only speeds up just a bit so you don't fall or drop anything. ~ Falls asleep in clouds with you under her wing and keeps storm clouds over you so you aren't in sunlight fully so you can sleep better. ~ Always making jokes and playing games with you, trying to put her pride aside so you can win some of the games as well. ~ Sometimes she lets Pinkie Pie join her in taking care of you but always has her calm down a bit so you don't get overwhelmed. ∘₊✧──Pinke Pie──✧₊∘ ~ Even though she would give you tons of sweets to eat and even joins in on eating them with you, she makes sure you brush your teeth and to help you want to do it she does it with you. ~ When you are sad or upset she takes a step back and calms down, she tries to figure out what was wrong, what happened, and how the two of you can fix it. ~ Lets you play with Gummy and even if he was a baby with no teeth she makes sure he doesn't bite you. ~ She plays Kids Bop for you and dances with you while you both listen to the music. ∘₊✧──Applejack──✧₊∘ ~ Let's you help her work on the farm by making a game out of catching and counting the apples so it doesn't feel like work and you get your energy out. ~ If you got hurt she would bandage you up and kiss over the bandage to make you feel better. She would also cuddle with ya until you felt better. ~ She would make you apple juice, apple pies, apple sauce, and other apple things so you don't get hungry or thirsty while you are little. ~ Her dog and you play around sometimes when she is working, when she isn't working she plays games with you and walks you around Ponyvile. Who should I do next? Remember, my ask box and DMs are open if you need someone to talk to or if you have a question! (=^u^=)

#sfw age regression #sfw agere #little space sfw #sfw interaction only #sfw little community #sfw littlespace #safe agere #my little pony #mlp g4 #mlp fim #mlp #fluttershy #twilight sparkle #rainbow dash #applejack #pinkie pie #rarity #mlp agere #my little pony agere

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catindabag · 5 months

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TBOSAS on Crack short take (61)

Lucy Gray: Hey, Panlo~.

Panlo: *ignores Lucy Gray*

Lucy Gray: Panlo? Panny? Pablo? Panpan? Panini? Peter Pan, don’t you ignore me-

Panlo: Go away, Baird!

Lucy Gray: You’re so funny. Do you want a cookie?😀

Panlo: I don’t want your bird food. Besides, my Mentor gave me 3 tuna sandwiches for breakfast earlier.

Lucy Gray: Gaius was here?

Panlo: Don’t you dare touch my Mentor, Baird. He’s mine.

Lucy Gray: No promises, but can we trade sandwiches?🥺

Panlo: You already ate all of your ham sandwiches. Now, shoo.

Lucy Gray: *suddenly leans closer and whispers* I still have their wrappings, Panpan~.

Panlo: What the heck are you whispering about?!

Lucy Gray: I can use these sandwich wrappers to strangle you in your sleep-

Panlo: Ew. No. Get those things away from me, you clown.

Lucy Gray: I’ll sing you a song-

Panlo: No.

Lucy Gray: I’ll sing it for free?

Panlo: I would rather sleep.

Lucy Gray: But why?😢

Panlo: Don’t give me that look, Baird.

Lucy Gray: But-

Panlo: You even bullied poor Jessup to give up and give you his daily bread and butter!

Lucy Gray: No, I didn’t.

Panlo: Yes, you did! Look! *points at Jessup*

Jessup: *is currently talking to a rabid raccoon* Mr. Raccoon, Mr. Raccoon, do you have some daily bread to spare?

Rabid Raccoon:. . .

Jessup: The evil rainbow bird stole my butter too, Mr. Raccoon.

Rabid Raccoon:. . .

Jessup: So you’ll help me?🥹

Rabid Raccoon:. . .

Jessup: Mr. Raccoon, Mr. Raccoon, you’re now my new best friend!

Panlo: That is not normal.

Lucy Gray: Coryo and Sejanus told me that talking to rabid raccoons and playing with feral squirrels are part of the Capitol’s culture and lifestyle-

Panlo: You do know that our Mentors are not mentally “all there” in the head, right?

Lucy Gray: It’s part of their culture, Pablo!

Panlo: I beg to differ-

Lucy Gray: Don’t ignore my Mentor’s heritage!

Panlo: Talking to a garbage loving rat-dog creature is not normal!

Lucy Gray: Stop bullying poor Festus Creed, Pablo!

Panlo: I was talking about the rabid raccoons!

Lucy Gray: Panini, Jessup is fine! He’s a coal miner! He ate 15 slices of vanilla pudding yesterday-

Panlo: That’s not the point!

Lucy Gray: What point?

Panlo: You’re just like that little gremlin over there!

Lucy Gray: No, I’m not-

Mizzen: *is still tied up* I’ll get my revenge, you sea witch!

Coral: Mizzen, shut up-

Mizzen: Just you wait! My Percy Price and I will takeover the pizza industry and rule Panem with my cheesy crust recipe!

Coral: You don’t even cook!

Panlo: *turns to Lucy Gray* Do you want to end up like Mizzen?

Lucy Gray: But I want to eat tuna!

Panlo: You even drank Lamina’s orange juice a minute ago.

Lucy Gray: So?

Panlo: It was 2 gallons, Baird! 2 freaking gallons!

Lamina: My orange juice!😭

Lucy Gray: Lammy cries all the time-

Panlo: Because of you!

Lucy Gray: And Mizzen!

Panlo: You’re not even denying it!

Lucy Gray: Don’t be such a sore loser, Panini-

Panlo: Don’t call me that.

Lucy Gray: Panini.

Panlo: I’m going to sleep-

Lucy Gray: Panini, feed me!

Panlo: Then ask Coral and her gremlin!

Lucy Gray: No! She’s going to bully me again!😭

Panlo: Then steal something from Brandy!

Lucy Gray: Heck, no! I don’t want to get bitten!

Panlo: Brandy doesn’t bite.

Lucy Gray: Yes, she does! Look! *points at Brandy*

Brandy: *is biting Tanner’s new shoes for no reason*

Tanner: Brandy, stop chewing my expensive boots! Domitia gave them to me as a gift!

Brandy: *growls at Tanner* Mine!

Tanner: Get your own shoe!

Lucy Gray: *turns to Panlo* She might have that “werewolf” disease-

Panlo: That doesn’t exist!

Lucy Gray: The werewolf disease is not a myth, Panini! Coryo and Festus told me all about it!

Panlo: Then ask Wovey!

Lucy Gray: Wovey will bully me too!

Panlo: She’s a sweet child!

Lucy Gray: She ain’t sweet to me!

Wovey: That’s what you get for eating my apple berry pie without asking me first, Birdy.😊

Lucy Gray: I already said that I was so sorry, Wovey!

Wovey: Then give me my pie back.

Lucy Gray: *turns to Panlo* Help me, Panpan!

Panlo: For the last time-

Lucy Gray: Help your poor struggling sister-

Panlo: You’re not my sister!

Lucy Gray: Fine! I’ll tell Gaius that you’re secretly in love with him!

Panlo: What?! No, I’m not! Gaius is like a brother to me!

Lucy Gray: You want him to be your boyfriend?! Oh, that’s so sweet of you, Panini!

Panlo: I never said that!

Lucy Gray: Then give me your tuna sandwiches!

Panlo: Give me back my hair curlers first, you clown!

Lucy Gray: *giggles* Lol. No.

Panlo: Then go bother Treech the Leech instead!

Lucy Gray: Ok! *turns to Treech* Hi, Bestie~!😘

Treech: No! Go away! I’m allergic to rainbow colored birds!

Lucy Gray: Treech the leech~!

Treech: *runs and climbs a tree*

Lucy Gray: I can climb trees too!

Treech: Get away from me!

Lucy Gray: Give me your sandwiches!

Treech: Never, you beast!

Panlo: Well, time to sleep-

Brandy: Yo, Pablo!

Panlo: Ugh! What do you want now?!

Brandy: Can I bite your shoes?🥺

Panlo: Be gone, werewolf!

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toasttt11 · 2 months

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my au’s favorites and facts

august crosby

favorites

blueberry waffles

blueberry muffins

sidney’s banana bread

tea, any kind

tacos! specifically street tacos

her moms blueberry pie

favorite season is spring

favorite color is soft orange like the sunset

she loves sunflowers or roses

facts

always loved anything to do with baking, tends to stress back when feeling overwhelmed, any free time she enjoys using it by baking, especially with her diet she can’t eat all of what she bakes she ends up donating most of it or bringing it for the staff of the arena.

loves starting her day off with a run, especially outside and getting some fresh air.

is a big gift giver and is always giving gifts to the ones she cares for.

genuinely adores being a godmother and is always looking for presents and trinkets to bring or send to them, she also makes sure she had everything for them at her house when they come to visit her.

loves when she has free time to explore around outside and find hikes she likes, she has found a lot of trails in vegas that she loves.

brinley matthews

favorites

peanut butter M&Ms

peanut butter and bananas

steak, loves anything that is grilled

s’mores with peanut butter

peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

peanut butter and chocolate workout shakes

favorite season is summer

favorite color is yellow

favorite flower are baby’s breath especially the rainbow ones

facts

hates being cold, always on the ice is wearing a long sleeve compression shirt under her jersey to not be cold.

has some thing peanut butter before every game no matter what.

crochet has been something she has done most her life, it’s what she always has with her during travel.

always had curly hair and has always hated it, never likes trying to style it and ends up getting it straighten and getting treatments for it stay that way.

has always been very tall and was used to he taller than most of her teammates even though she is a girl.

loves animals specially dogs, and has always wanted to have her own dog.

maleah barzal

favorites

grilled cheese and tomato soup

french fries

anything dark chocolate and raspberry

cheesecake

favorite season is winter

favorite color is lilac

lavender is her favorite sent and flowers

facts

she hates to cook but is very good at, Malakai loves his moms cooking and makes him mom not hating cooking as much.

rarely ever drives and one of the first things she bought for herself was hiring a driver.

always has some kind of sketchbook or tablet with her in case she gets an idea.

she always carries her big purse that’s filled with work, her sons toys and always snacks for him.

maleah could of easily continued her hockey career and without a doubt would of been an amazing player but she never had the passion for it like others do.

always enjoys designing clothes for people she cares for and has lines of clothes in honor of some of the people she is closest with and the lines are inspired by their styles.

carina knies

favorites

anything coffee, she needs it to survive

lettuce wraps, anything for the filling

salmon bowls!

not the biggest sweets person but loves sweets that are lemon flavored

favorite flowers are orchids

loves summer

favorite color is purple

facts

during a trip to her grandparents when she was younger she tried pottery and fell in love with it, she continued to do pottery since then and it’s something she’s loves to do to de stress and something completely away from hockey.

Joseph and Carina had to build many sleeves and bookcases for all of the legos he has given her and the ones he no doubt will continue to give her.

carina is not a big jewelry person but she has a few pieces that she really loves.

she is quite protective of her little brother matthew and he is probably one of her more soft spots, not that she lets anyone know that.

is a big dog person.

gemma fantilli

favorites

cesar salads are one of her absolute favorites

spring rolls and any type Chinese food

chocolate chip cookies

favorite flowers are periwinkles

loves winter especially if there is snow

favorite color is green and yellows

facts

she loves vintage jewelry, her favorite piece is a heart locket her grandmother had given her, sadly when her grandmother passed away she left all her jewelry for her Gemma.

snowboarding is her absolute favorite thing to do outside of hockey, if she had tried snowboarding before she did hockey she most likely would’ve pursued a career in snowboarding instead.

macklin and gemma are always finding new shows to watch together, and while they can’t always watch all the episodes together they watch most of season together.

always wear her beaded bracelet that she had matching with Macklin.

phoenix zegras

favorites

any type of crepes especially with nutella

big coffee person, loves chocolate in it

chocolate crossiant

favorite color is orange

likes just red roses

summer is his favorite season because he’s see his family more.

facts

favorite thing to do other than hockey is playing his electric guitar.

he’s the oldest sibling and his siblings use to always follow his him around like little ducklings.

he really likes to watch sunsets.

he spends a lot of his free time with his godsons.

viola hughes

favorite

caramel coffee is her favorite

anything with caramel

ice cream

favorite flowers are sunflowers

favorite season is summer

favorite color is purple

facts

she has the biggest sweet tooth and is always having something sweet even with her diet.

likes to be in the passenger seat when she’s in the car, doesn’t like to drive after her accident.

she loves wearing fun sunglasses and tends to always have them on her face or in her hair in the summer.

likes to find new hiking spots and arizona has a lot she can try.

livia drysdale

favorites

chocolate chip cookies

pizza is one of her favorite cheat meals

hummus and pita chips

doesn’t have a favorite flower she loves all of them

favorite color is green

favorite season is winter

facts

always wears gold jewelry.

when she was younger she would beg for her brothers or parents to make her cookies.

she use to hate her all of her freckles but seeing how much wyatt loves them she grew to like the.

always has some type of plants in her house and her parents have so many at their house from her, jamie also has some in his house from her.

willa smith

favorites

loves anything lobster

her moms protein smoothies

most of her meals are chipotle

favorite color is blue

favorite animal is dogs

favorite season is definitely summer

favorite animal are dogs

facts

most of the time her music is always playing taylor swift.

she really wants a golden retriever.

since she was a kid she’s always had some type of braids in her hair.

blue has always been her favorite color and almost always she boys something it’s in blue, she always gets her hockey stick blue.

has a gold necklace with her initial on it, she gets a smaller necklace with gabe and ryan’s initials and starts wearing that one too.

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1eaf-me-alone · 10 months

Text

𝕭𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖉𝖆𝖞 𝖇𝖆𝖓𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖙

Summary: it’s Heizou’s birthday and you go to a restaurant in the evening to celebrate

Word count: 1.2k

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

Other: I wrote this because in his birthday mail this year it said he wanted to go out for dinner and I wanted to write something that linked to that, gender neutral reader

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Kiminami restaurant. Lanterns shining brightly in the darkness and comforting wooden stools. Lotus-shaped symbols engraved into the wood, accents of purple on the shelves, wooden tokens embellished in writing, and L-shaped wooden counters to eat on.

The sound of bustling people talking and eating, the clatter of cutlery, shuffling of the waiters as they delivered meals, yelling of the cooks announcing the readily made food, creaking of the stools as people shifted their weight on the seats, and Heizou sitting beside you whose eyebrows were furrowed, scrutinising the menu set in front of him.

The menu consisted of many platters including rice cake soup, a Katsu sandwich, soba noodles, tuna sushi, radish and fish stew, wakatakeni and various other foods.

You had already taken your pick, smiling towards the waitress as you pointed towards the food you had chosen. You thanked her as she scribbled it all down and enquired you about drinks. You had already answered with “just water” and now all eyes were on Heizou.

Heizou tapped his foot on the stool and stared at the menu as if it were the most important decision in his life. He nearly picked something multiple times but then immediately decided against it.

You nudged Heizou, an unsuccessful attempt in prompting him to decide quicker. After a few seconds of trying that, you changed tactics.

“Are you done deciding yet?” You sighed.

“Nope.”

You glanced apologetically towards the waitress who had already been stood there for a good few minutes, pen in hand ready to receive the order whenever Heizou was going to eventually decide what he wanted.

Finally, the realisation hit him as his eyes sparked up and his finger landed on the food he had decided upon.

“I would like the Katsu sandwich please.”

“Any drinks you would like to order sir?”

The waiter turned around the food menu sheet, revealing the drinks menu sheet on the other side of the paper.

Heizou’s eyebrows furrowed, scanning the sheet for a drink he wanted.

Both you and the waiter stared at him now, he was now taking an impossibly long time for him to decide on the drinks. He raised an eyebrow and glanced towards the waitress

“What is a Rainbow aster?”

“It’s a drink made of a blend of calla lilies and lavender melon, along with a dash of milk to mix the two flavours.”

Heizou pursed his lips.

“Hmmmm.”

You nudged him again.

“Please just decide something- anything.”

The waiter still stood in front of your table, paper and book in hand. A smile on her face because she had to look professional (but you were sure even she was starting to feel a little impatient).

Heizou shut the menu book, handing it to the waitress.

“I’ll have water, thank you.”

He smiled towards the waiter as she picked up both sets of menus, told the both of you that “food should be prepared shortly” and swiftly left on her way to the kitchen.

Your gaze shifted back towards Heizou now, a slightly annoyed expression resting on your face.

“Took you long enough to order.”

He tutted, a smirk now lying on his face.

“You forgot that today is my birthday, meaning things go MY way.”

You sighed.

He couldn’t be this childish, could he?

“Just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean you can do anything you want. And besides we’ve done plenty of celebrating the whole day. I’ve given you gifts, had a party with all your friends, and now I’m taking you to a lovely restaurant to celebrate your birthday.”

The waiter returned with the drinks, placing them on the table, she smiled then turned around and left.

You both watched the waiter leave and then Heizou raised his eyebrows, a playful and dangerous grin on his face (oh no what was he going to ask you now?)

“If we are here to celebrate my birthday, I request for you to sing me happy birthday.”

“You’re… joking right?”

“Nope,” he returned to the smirk he had had before.

Right now? In this crowded restaurant?”

“Yep.” He slurped on his drink, sharing a challenging stare are you up to it or will you back down?

You groaned. An unamused grunt escaped your lips.

“Fine.”

mumbling, you sang “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you-”

Heizou shook his head, pausing your singing.

“You need to sing louder. I can barely hear you.”

You stared at him, glaring daggers.

“Ok, ok. You can continue at the volume you were at, it was perfectly fine actually.”

Heizou was a little scared of the very aggravated expression on your face.

“Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Heizou happy birthday to you~”

“Was that good enough for you?” you stared at him, annoyed and a little unamused at the humiliation he had put you through.

He beamed. “That was perfect.”

He searched for your hand under the table, and when at last he had found it, he held it in his. Your hand was cold compared to his, but soft and smooth to the touch. He smiled and as he looked back up to stare at you he witnessed a small smile appear on your lips too.

You turned your head , hearing a waiter walk towards your table.

“Soba noodles and a katsu sandwich?”

The waiter removed the food from the tray he was holding and placed both platters on the table.

“I hope you both enjoy your meals,” he grinned, then turned around, with the tray in his hand, and left.

“Well... Tuck in.”

You breathed in the delicate and fragrant smell of the noodles you had ordered. Taking the chopsticks by your side and tasting the nutty and earthy flavours in your mouth. You closed your eyes, savouring the taste of the spoonful of delicious food you had placed in your mouth, in an attempt to savour the taste even longer.

You opened your eyes again and glanced at Heizou. The food had a seemingly similar effect on him as he licked his lips and goobled down the rest of the food.

“It's delicious.”

You nodded, in agreement to his statement and the two of you sat in silence and enjoyed the rest of your meals. With some occasional chit-chat if your mouths weren't full.

At the end of your meal, you both beamed. That was some good food, very good food.

Realising you were both done, the waiter came to take away your food, he glanced at you for a second. The look of knowingness in both of your eyes. You nodded.

Heizou quirked an eyebrow “Is there something going on?”

He's too smart. Of course, he’ll notice small signals- he's a detective for Archon's sake.

“Well....” you prepared yourself to invent an excuse for him, but there was no need.

Staff emerged from the kitchen, a cake on their hands.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Heizou, happy birthday to you~”

They placed the cake in front of Heizou. His eyes shone from the flame of the candles, his face half shining in the light and the other in the darkness. He looked at you and smiled, and then he blew the candles.

His eyes glimmered as he cut the cake, watching as the gooey chocolate melted and slowly dripped off of the cake and onto the plate. The taste of chocolate and raspberries enveloping his mouth.

“Happy birthday Heizou. I hope you had an amazing day.”

#heizou x you #heizou #Heizou x reader #I made it in time for his birthday yes #shikanoin heizou x reader #Heizou fluff #heizou x y/n #heizou genshin impact #heizou shikanoin #shikanoin heizou x you

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chen-chen-chen-again-chen · 1 year

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Things about AWTWB that I forgot about or just noticed for the first time, upon a recent re-listen:

Lady Ruth as an unreliable narrator: “I’m not one to hold grudges” but next page “I would dance on his grave and throw a fiesta and then resurrect him so I could kill him again” (My poor paraphrase)

Baz, about vampires: “They’re less like murderers - more like sexy bedbugs”

Baz, about Petra and Sophie: “I thought twins were supposed to be best friends, but all they do is eat jam and butter sandwiches and throw things at each other" (Me, adding to my Jelly Babies notes folder: “Yup, that tracks”)

Simon (about Baz): “I mean, have a look at him. He’s the most fuckable person alive. Or otherwise” (#facts)

Dev is a PITCH cousin, not a GRIMM fuck me why did I think he was a Grimm sljk;dskljdskjldsaljks

The door knocker for Salisbury House is shaped like a SMILING CYCLOPS (adding to my Rosethorn girl notes folder)

Simon, to Baz: “I’m not letting you fuck with my face. Although I’m starting to get the feeling you really want to.” Oh-okay, horny boi

Simon notes like three times in three pages that Smith Smith-Richards is fit like hmmmmmm-kay

Every time Smith Smith-Richards mentions Simon: "I'm not jealous okay I'm a little jealous how is he so hot" they're a li'l mutual admiration club

Simon, to Baz: “I can get one of those poles” (clothes racks) but because of Yuri on Ice!!, my brain went “pole-dancing Simon Snow??”

Shepherd holds the secret key to being magic even when you don’t speak magic: “The world is magic, and I’m a part of the world.”

THE GRIMM KIDS HAVE A DOG: “a Tibetan mastiff that they bought when they moved to Oxford.” (In my head canon this dog is named Amblewise, or another name from this list of medieval dog names, THANK YOU GOOD NIGHT)

I continue to have Complicated Feelings about Malcolm Grimm but he is So Soft for Daphne: “He treats her with as much polite tenderness as ever. He dotes on her, in his way. Caters to her every whim without making a show of it.”

JAMIE knew about the Goats of Watford when none of the folks who actually went to Watford did, besides Niamh, like JKASDJKLDSAJKLSADKLJADSKLADSKLJADSKJL UNCLE JAMBY FOR THE WIN

Penelope Bunce is a Fucking Queen: “Being comforting isn’t one of my core competencies. Breaking people out of towers is.”

Pippa Stainton is a Goddamn Empress: “I don’t forgive you. I never want to see you again. Tell Simon I say thank you.”

Simon and Jamie get fucking KFC in a stolen van after the hullabaloo with Smith-Richards and if that’s not nephew-uncle bonding at its finest, I don’t what is

Miss Christie, the school nurse, is the only person (I think) who basically says to Simon, “I’m sorry for your loss” instead of “The Mage was a flaming sack of shit”

I’m not crazy… Penny really is a year younger than the rest of them (thought I was mixing this up with Hermione)

LUCY also started Watford a year early fsalkjsadsjlkfsdljkdfs (now I have to go back and fix my timelines for Rosethorn girl, FUCK)

Just like Lady Ruth, Mitali hoped that Lucy would come out of hiding after the Mage died (just stab me harder in the heart, Rainbow)

I DO really want a fic of bisexual Martin Bunce making bread; I feel like our core competencies overlap in many ways

There are magical swans in Oxford. I bet they r gay

Simon cries when Baz plays the violin

They're all good dogs, Bront. 16/10 will listen to this audiobook again for like..... the sixth time

#AWTWB #AWTWB spoilers #queue tea so no idea when the ocean tides of tumblr will throw this up

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thebirdandthebee · 1 year

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Easy As

A Carmen Berzatto Universe

A/N: Another request from the inbox - though I think this has been on everyone’s mind for a while! Let me know your guesses at gender ;)

Vanessa Monaghan is the breath of fresh air that Carmen had been gasping for.

Chapter 28: Sous

It was earlier than they planned – about six months earlier. Vanessa would be walking at her graduation ceremony in three months, and by then, she’d be six months along.

She didn’t care if it was earlier than planned. Frankly she was more impressed than anything – she’d only gotten her IUD taken out a few months ago. Her gynecologist warned it could take six months to a year for her cycle to regulate again and they had been using condoms in the mean time.

She hadn’t even necessarily gotten off of her IUD with the intention of getting pregnant, but to help with cramps that had been getting worse over the last year or so.

But there it was, looking right back at her as she stared down the little Clear Blue test. Pregnant.

It took a few days for it to really sink in – and about six more tests along with a trip to her gyno to confirm.

Sure, they’d been talking about having babies for years, but it was something else entirely to actually be pregnant.

She wanted to tell Carmen in a cute way – not just blurt it out over dinner one night.

But she didn’t know how. She didn’t want it to be tacky, she wanted it to be sweet – maybe use something they could hold onto as the baby got older.

After a week of thinking it through and work-shopping a couple of items on Etsy, she had a solution. Tracking down a vintage baby Levi denim jacket wasn’t easy, but with enough money, anything was possible. Six days later, she got the jacket back from an artist based in Chicago that had artfully stitched Sous Chef across the top back panel of the jacket. It was perfect, and she cried as she clutched it to her chest after opening the box up on campus.

She couldn’t risk Carmen finding it before it was time.

But the time had finally come. It had been nearly four weeks since she found out and she was bursting at the seams to finally tell him. Nerves shook her hands as she wrapped up the little jacket in plain brown wrapping paper, tying off the box with white ribbon.

She’d text Carmen that she’d pull together dinner that night. He’d been helping Natalie and Pete with the fence in their backyard for a few hours that afternoon and she’d prepared a big cheese board, salads and sandwiches for dinner – something that they ended up eating most nights.

She was just plating up the spring mix as Carmen walked through the door. She figured she’d save the gift for after dinner. She was starving after all, and didn’t think they’d get around to eating after she told him the big news.

“Mrs. Berzatto?” Carmen called out, hearing the tell-tale thunk of his shoe against the back of the entry closet.

“You hungry?” Vanessa called back, cracking open a ginger ale and leaning back against the kitchen counter. “I found the last bit of our jalapeno spread in the deli drawer.”

Carmen’s arms appeared around her waist, hugging her back against him.

In that moment, she realized she couldn’t eat more than half of what she’d plated up for dinner. No deli meat, no soft cheeses, no smoked salmon. She didn’t know all the rules, but she knew some of them. God she couldn’t eat sushi for nearly six more months?

She wondered if he could feel her little bump – did she even have a bump?

Oh my god she was pregnant.

“Starving,” He replied, kissing her neck gently.

“How are Nat and Pete?” She asked, hugging her arms against him.

“Enjoying their newly fixed fence,” Carmen said, rocking her gently back and forth. “Lily and Maxie were out with the babysitter, so didn’t get to see ‘em.” Vanessa could feel his frown against her skin. Max was Nat and Pete’s rainbow baby after their miscarriage before Lily turned two. At fourteen months, he was a little monster that Carmen was absolutely obsessed with.

“They’re coming over this weekend,” she reminded gently. “Then we can give them the water table.”

“They’re gonna love it,” Carmen’s frown turned upside down.

Vanessa spun in his hold, taking in his beautiful features.

“Come on, handsome, there’s a salad out there calling my name,” she greeted him once again with a soft kiss.

“God I’m starving,” he said, squeezing her sides in his hand. “After dinner maybe we can walk down to Jeni’s for dessert?”

“That sounds like a magnificent idea,” Vanessa agreed. It was another sweltering late summer in Chicago and their air conditioning had been working overtime all week.

They shared dinner at the dining table, Vanessa’s feet in Carmen’s lap as he told her about his day. She’d been studying away for final projects and she could feel the shift in their life coming – a welcome, exciting shift. Maybe Carmen could feel it, too.

“You not hungry?” Carmen asked, noticing she’d barely picked at the cheeseboard and left most of her sandwich on her plate.

“I ate a big, heavy lunch today and for some reason this salad is the only thing calling my name,” she explained way. He didn’t blink twice and happily picked up her sandwich to put on his plate.

“I already know what flavor you’re going to get,” Carmen said as their hands swung between them, looking up at the board of flavors at Jeni’s.

“I think I’m going to change it up this time,” Vanessa replied.

“No gooey butter cake?” He asked. His wife was a severe creature of habit.

“Something about Savannah buttermint is really doing it for me this time,” she said, “will you get me two scoops?” Carmen shrugged, reaching the counter to order and grabbing his own scoop of salted caramel.

The noises Vanessa was making as they trekked back to their apartment were downright unholy.

“Good then?” Carmen asked with a laugh.

“Fuck Carmen, this ice cream is getting me wet,” she replied, only half-joking. Carmen honked out a laugh at her words.

“Wait, let me try,” he insisted, reaching his spoon over.

“Don’t you dare,” she pulled away, twisting her body so he couldn’t reach it.

“Vanessa!” He laughed, “you got two scoops, let me get a little nibble,” he said, only halfway sounding like a petulant child.

“I’m not sharing!” She said, shoveling another big bite into her mouth.

“C’mere,” he lured her in, sealing his mouth over hers in a kiss, getting all the flavor of the Savannah buttermint. “Wow, that is good,” he commented, proud to see he could still make his wife blush.

“Come on, I have a little something for you at home,” she teased out, piquing his interest.

“For me?” He asked, brows raised.

Vanessa finished her treat in the same time as Carmen, dropping their used cups in the garbage before she grabbed her perfectly wrapped package from their bedroom.

“Baby, what did you get me?” He asked, happily taking the box as she settled herself in his lap on the couch.

“I think you’ll like it,” she replied, “I love it,” she added quietly.

Carmen gave her an inquisitive look as he pulled the white ribbon, tearing the brown wrapping paper. Lifting the white tissue paper, he tossed the lid to the ground, revealing the little jacket.

“Ness?” He asked, holding it up in its entirety. It was impossibly small, and he heart lurched at the sight of it. She pushed the box to the ground as he turned it over, revealing the embroidery.

She could see Carmen’s brain stop working all together.

“Nessa?” He asked again, mouth agape and blue eyes wide. “Sous Chef?” He asked mostly to himself. “Ness is this for –“” His brain flipped around the babies they knew, Rosie, Lily, Max – they were all too big for this. “Vanessa are you pregnant?” He finally formed a full thought.

“Check the pocket,” she smiled serenely. Carmen reached in to pull out the infamous blue-capped test.

Pregnant.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked, looking absolutely shocked. “Vanessa please don’t tell me this is a joke,” he all but pleaded.

“It’s not a joke,” excited tears bubbled up to the surface. “I’m pregnant – went to the doctor and everything.”

“Ness – I” Carmen’s face morphed into pure joy, his lashes dark and slick with tears. He wrapped her up in the biggest hug he could, wanting to hold onto this moment forever in case it was another dream. “We’re having a baby,” he breathed in disbelief.

“We’re having a baby,” she laughed, nervous and excited giggles leaving her lips.

“You’re pregnant!” He exclaimed, “holy shit, Ness, it’s happening!” he pushed his hair back, holding his forehead underneath his palm.

“It’s happening!” She agreed.

“When,” he breathed in again, “when?” He implored.

“Valentine’s Day,” she giggled.

“Valentine’s Day?” He gaped, still in pure disbelief.

“Our little valentine,” she repeated, tears now flowing down her cheeks.

“So you’re – you’re almost three months?” He asked.

“Next week I’ll be out of my first trimester,” she replied, “happy birthday.” Carmen would turn thirty-two next week.

Carmen leaned forward, kissing her soundly, his hand sliding up her back to cradle her head in his palms.

“I love you so much,” he shook his head. “We’ve got to build a nursery.”

Vanessa laughed at his thought process, stroking the back of his neck gently.

“We have so much time,” she insisted.

“Ness it’s going to fly by,” he replied. “We can get painters out here next week.”

“And what color are we painting, huh?” She asked with a tilt of her head. “Should we find out?”

Carmen froze. They were either going to have a baby boy or a baby girl and even now, with just two options, it seemed like a universe of possibilities.

“I want to find out,” he said, eyes almost desperate. “I don’t think I can wait till February to know.”

“I want out find out, too,” Vanessa agreed. “It’s been killing me to walk by all the baby boutiques and not buying anything,” Carmen laughed at her honesty.

An hour later, they were laying in bed, Carmen’s head resting gently on Vanessa’s stomach.

“It’s the size of a cherry right now,” Vanessa said, combing her fingers through Carmen’s hair. He was due for a haircut, but she loved it long and shaggy in the summer.

“A cherry,” he repeated, marveling. “A little rainier,” he commented. “I think she’s more like a little maraschino,” Vanessa replied.

“You think it’s a girl?” He asked, hand resting gently below her belly button.

“I have no idea,” she said honestly. “It’s fun to picture it.”

Carmen nuzzled against her, feeling like he was positively floating.

“Thank you,” he said, lifting his head to look Vanessa in the eye.

“Well my love, I really couldn’t do it without you,” Vanessa smiled. “I’m impressed honestly, my gynecologist was impressed, too.” Carmen laughed softly, placing his head back down against the warmth of her body.

“How are we ever supposed to sleep again?” Carmen asked, “I’m too excited to sleep.”

“Baby I think our days of sleep are officially over,” Vanessa admitted.

Carmen began to run through it all in his head. He’d never put anything before his baby. He knew that some adjustments would be on the horizon, because he wouldn’t give up a single minute with his growing family.

#Carmy #carmy smut #carmen smut #carmen x oc #carmy fluff #carmy berzatto #carmy x reader #Carmen Berzatto #carmen berzatto fluff #carmen berzatto smut #the bear #the bear hulu #the bear fx #carmen just wants to be a dad and make pancakes

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sylversterlingstarz · 8 days

Text

canon age regression hcz for my oc bc i love baby rat dolors and i wont stop talking abt her any time soon (stop me), also ngl i feel like we need more oc agere (information - canon headcanonz) content in the tumblr sfw agere community

(portray any of thiz az nsfw or a k!nk and get blocked for ur inconsideracy, anything agere related i do iz exclusively sfw)

-often regressez rarely and involuntarily to agez 1-3 either to cope with trauma or to reembrace her childhood, which usually only appearz when theyre way too happy, sad or scared (mainly the latter)

-in fact, it iz really rare to see dolors regress due to happiness

-has no main caregiver, with lucia being the "supportive older sister" type, and sasha and fisher r more like babysitterz more than anything, brayan iz also there sometimez just to tell her a joke or two, and yukina iz more of a playmate for her best friend

-for what they do, yukina playz bakery and dollz with them if not actually bake something together, fisherman would read books with fish and sealife to them (the rainbow fish being a personal favorite of theirz), sasha would tell them jokez and do cook party trickz with her (or even teach her how), and lucia would be vigilant and keep an eye on their younger sib to make sure theyre safe and ok

-fisherman also made tuna/salami croissant sandwiches for him, sasha, yukina, and dolors to enjoy one time

-lucia keepz a REALLY close eye on yukina to make sure she doesnt do anything to the poor little ratman, which she doesnt, both yuki and dolors r friendz if not besties, whether or not theyre big or small

-tiny dolorz iz unfortunately a huge crier, leading her to more likely regress "impurely", they feel really shameful when thiz happenz and hatez that she does that, whether itz bc of how wet she getz from the tearz or how wrong she feelz abt it,

-depending on the person, itz either really easy or literal hell in trying to cheer her up

-when she iz happy tho, dolorz iz rather timid yet easily excitable personality-wise

-would listen to classical music to go to sleep (mozart and brahms being a personal favorite), sasha would sometimez sing them russian lullabies (ex. cossack lullaby and bayu bayushki bayu) to help with that too

-sometimez haz tea parties with her "caregiverz" (again, theyre more like babysitterz)... they just eat croissantz that yukina made and hear her babble abt the most random stuff

(dolors, lucia, and brayan belong to me, sasha belongz to @thelessercatman, fisherman the third belongz to aiden who doesnt have tumblr, and yukina belongz to @hitchhikeerrrr)

#ranfren #randals friends #ranfren oc #agere #age regression #sfw agere #agere sfw #agere art #agere headcanons #oc agere #canon headcanon #(ironic i know)

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spicysix · 10 months

Text

「eddie munson X gn!reader • roadtrip!AU」

2.3k words | prev | next | masterlist | ao3 warnings: again - trauma bonding! mentions of violence, of torture and of near-death experiences. mention of the mind flayer (this guy is his own trigger warning). reader opens up about her background story in this one, so it gets a little more specific. also, once again google was my best friend for this. songs of the chapter: motorhead's self titled album • rainbow's album straight between the eyes • drifter (and the entire album killers) - iron maiden • brown eyes (and the entire album tusk) - fleetwood mac

Saturday, July 26

Eddie Munson’s wristwatch woke you up at five thirty in the morning — your grandma would call it the ass-crack of dawn.

You both had slept in much earlier than you did so far, because Yellowstone was far away, all the way across the state, and you did have a deadline to meet this time: the check-in hours of the camping grounds.

So he had to basically manhandle you out of the van, and then you two had your breakfast alongside the birds at a picnic table, watched the slow rise of the Sun, said goodbye to Coop who was taking some other tourists on a little fishing trip, thanked Betty for the sandwiches she made you for lunch, and left the Keyhole State Park grounds at seven AM sharp.

You heard basically all the tapes Eddie had in the glove compartment, and he excitedly explained the story of every single band he loved. Your heart grew fonder as he seemed so joyful and thrilled about your journey, no longer the grumpy guy he had been just a few days before when you joined him without an invitation. You didn’t care much for metal music, but you didn’t mind him rambling about it for hours. Actually, for as long as he wanted to talk, you would happily listen.

You had to go north before going back south, so as you reached Billings, Montana, Eddie got off the road near a bridge to park the van so you could eat your sandwiches while looking at the Yellowstone River. Betty had given each of you a different sandwich, so you shared halves with Eddie so you’d have a taste of both. You spotted birds and fishes and talked to him about the nature, the species of fauna and flora that you recognized in the spot, and he seemed just as interested in your rambles as you were in his.

You wondered if your voice made something in his belly tingle as his voice did to you.

The I-90 had to be left behind for your correct course to the National Park, and you waved goodbye to the highway you were growing familiar with as you reentered Wyoming and headed south. The mountains welcomed you, their snowy peaks a funny contrast to the yellowish grass and Eddie let you blast Fleetwood Mac and didn’t complain about you singing from the top of your lungs.

As the river turned into the lake, you only caught glimpses of it through the trees, but you cheered at the sight anyway and Eddie laughed withyou; and once the trees gave way and you finally saw Yellowstone Lake in its entirety, Eddie cheered just as loud.

You reached West Thumb sooner than you thought you would.

Kept heading south until your campgrounds welcomed you, paid your fees, followed the plaques and soon you were getting installed in your own camping site. There was a picnic table and a small pit for a fire, nothing else. A few other campers were getting installed in their own sites, RVs and tents alike. The RVs reminded you of Steve, his heart-warming Winnebago dream, and you made a mental note to stop by the gift shop and get some trinkets for your friends.

You and Eddie decided to set up your tent with the mattress in it before heading to the area with the buildings, trusting that no one would mess with your belongings. You got the tent up without much talking, since both of you were having a bit of a hard time understanding the instructions, but it didn’t take long. You also left a bag with all your food and snacks in a shared storage box — you didn’t want any bears coming in at night for a visit. Then you gathered all your dirty clothes, since you knew there was a laundry area, and headed for it.

The laundry facility was your first stop, and you and Eddie didn’t mind sharing machines, only dividing the clothes by color and delicates. You headed for the Visitor Center next, read a few pamphlets and reserved and paid for a tour on the next day. Eddie got really excited about it, since he chose it based on name only (Circle Of Fire, oh, how metal).

You went to the gift shop next, Eddie got Wayne a mug — apparently the man had a collection —, and you decided collectively on the gifts for your shared friends. Once again, you were thankful for the NDA you signed that granted you so much money to spend.

By the time you returned to the laundry facility, your clothes were ready to go into the dryer, so you did that and headed for your dinner. The dining room was full of families and groups of friends coming and going, and the air was practically buzzing with enthusiasm from all sides.

“Looks fucking fancy,” Eddie noticed in a low whisper and you hummed in agreement. You didn’t think it would look so high and mighty. “Not coming back here tomorrow, please,” he asked and you chuckled.

“We couldn’t even if we wanted to, reservations were all booked. We’ll get back to our cheap snacks tomorrow, don’t worry.” He laughed as you were directed to your table by a waitress. “Today, however, let us feast as royalty!”

“Alright then, my liege,” he smirked as he sat across you on the table and you felt your face heating up, giggling at his response.

The waitress gave you menus and you both chose quickly. The afternoon was on its final stretch outside, and your table was a bit far from the windows but you could still see how beautiful it looked as the Sun set behind the lake. It took your breath away for a minute, before you looked at Eddie again and noticed how he was looking at you instead. Once again, you felt nervous, your face heating and your palms starting to sweat. A good kind of nervous.

You thought briefly about the last couple of days. About what led you there, to be sitting in front of him as he now looked away with a shy smile, focusing his eyes on his hands playing with the fancy tablecloth.

“You said you didn’t know me very well,” you started, getting his attention back to you. “And how I never talked to you when I bought from you-” he tried to interrupt you, calling your name, but you shook your head ‘no’. “I want you to get to know me, Eddie. We’ve been together in this for, what, four days now? And you were right, you don’t know me. And I want you to.”

He nodded slowly to your speech and smiled sweetly at the end of it. “Alright then,” he repeated. “Let me get to know ‘ya.”

You smiled back at him and opened up like a book that had been waiting for so long to be read. Told him about how your parents had died when you were so young you didn’t even remember them, and that your grandmother had raised you in Dayton. How she died just after you turned 18, and how you got angry at god, the universe or whoever about the fact that it wanted so bad for you to be alone. How you moved to Hawkins despite the weird shit happening in it because the weird shit made the rent prices go down, and you didn’t have much money — and how you couldn’t bare the thought of living in Dayton, of being haunted by your grandmother’s metaphorical ghost because she seemed to be in every place you looked at.

He listened to all that with so much attention and said he was sorry about your grandmother’s death. How he remembered the day you moved into the trailer park, Wayne’s concern about someone moving in all alone at such a young age; about how well received you had been there, getting all the attention and help from the small community you all had at Forest Hills.

The topic changed to how you became friends with Robin and Steve — and, indirectly, how you got pulled into the Upside Down crap. You told him that Robin’s favorite food was Chinese, so she’d stop by your first workplace at Starcourt almost every day for lunch; and your favorite dessert was ice cream, and so you’d stop at her workplace almost every day after lunch. How you got moved from the Chinese to three other different restaurants during your time at the mall, not the best at keeping jobs for so long but somehow always being hired somewhere else. How overtime, Steve’s silliness won you over and you’d invite him to lunch or ice cream too, even though Robin was still unconvinced by him. You finished with the fact that you and Robin were just hanging out in the back of Scoops Ahoy the day Dustin showed up with the whole Russian mystery, and you got into it just because it was a less boring way to pass time.

“I wasn’t even supposed to be there anymore, my lunch break had ended ten minutes before that,” you noticed, looking at a girl at a table a few feet away from yours that talked with lots of gesturing and funny facial expressions, reminding you of Robin. “Sometimes I wonder if I weren’t there anymore, as I should, I wouldn’t have been dragged into all of this,” you whispered.

Robin and Steve were the first real close friends you’ve ever had, and you were so thankful for them. But, at the same time, when the nightmares would be too frequent and you’d have too many flashbacks to the gigantic monstrous ball of flesh you had to firework to death in Starcourt, you’d feel sorry and guilty for wondering if it was worth it.

You knew it was, of course it was. They were worth it. But sometimes you forgot that you knew it. As you usually did with many of your knowledges. You buried them deep inside your mind.

You shook your head, “Sorry, didn’t mean to sour the mood.”

“It’s okay. I had my turn, you’re allowed to have yours,” Eddie answered with a soft smile just before your waitress came back with your meals, thankfully interrupting the downer conversation. “Let us feast, my liege,” he repeated the line and the nickname, and you repeated your giggle before diving into your meal.

As you dined, you asked Eddie about himself and his life instead, and he chose to talk about his uncle, how he was the dad Eddie needed growing up. How he had saved Eddie from his actual father, Wayne’s own brother, because he was no good. How Wayne raised Eddie, taught him everything he knew, gave him everything he could and that Eddie didn’t have before — love, kindness, a family, a home. It was very endearing, the way Wayne looked so gruff and yet was one of the most caring people you’ve had the chance to meet. Before March, you talked more to Wayne than you did to Eddie, because he was always asking how you or Max were, if you or the Mayfields needed anything. He was a great guy, and now that you knew Eddie better you could tell that it was passed down from uncle to nephew. A great heritage to own.

The food was delicious — and expensive — and after you ate and stalled around on the balcony a little, admiring the lake illuminated by the moon, you went for your dry laundry. And, since you were right beside it and with clean clothes, you both took showers before bed. You finished your shower a little after him and were pleased to see Eddie waiting for you, his bag full of clothes on his lap while he was sitting on a bench near the building. On the quick walk back to your camping site, he hummed a song you recognized from when he played a Van Halen tape that afternoon on the road.

Clean clothes successfully stashed on each of your bags again, you settled for the night. Eddie went inside after you into the tent, and the forest around the campsite made the temperature drop a little, and so you were glad you had bought extra quilts at that store the day before. He laid down beside you, facing you, and so you also turned from looking up to look at him.

“Thank you for sharing with me tonight,” he whispered like it was a secret, just between him, you, and the stars above you. The night was dark, and there was no light around you, but you smiled at him and heard it in his voice that he smiled right back. “I’m glad you invaded my van and came with me.” His tone was teasing, but the words sounded genuine. He went a little more serious before continuing: “I like your company.”

“I’m glad too, Eddie. It’s been an honor to share these experiences with you.”

“Many more to come, right?” he asked hopefully and you beamed, something warm and lovely growing and thumping inside your chest.

“Many more to come.”

None of you said anything else, but you felt his hand resting on top of yours on the space between you. He closed his eyes and slept shortly after that, his steady breath denouncing him. The callouses of his fingers tingled you, and you repeated his humming of Van Halen in your mind like a lullaby as you memorized every inch of his hand on yours before falling asleep too at some point.

You couldn’t wait for another tomorrow with him.

end notes: y'all i took everything about yellowstone mentioned here from their website, but! keep in mind that maybe those things were not how they were mentioned here (or maybe didn't even existed back then). and how do we feel about that? that's right, we don't care! i've no idea if the laundry/showers facilities or the dining room already existed, but we'll all pretend they did, right? alrighty then

taglist (is open!): @amira0303 @rupsmorge @wyverntatty

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fluff #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #lui writes #ifligh

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vanwritesfan-fiction · 10 months

Text

Just The Three Of Us

Thanks to @selinbaskaya for letting me take a shot at her request! Hope I did it justice!

Based on this TikTok

Please note: this content does mention fathers and father’s day. If this is triggering for you, please do not engage.

“Thanks for inviting us for brunch, sis.” Clay says with a mouth full of crepes. “You’re so welcome, Clay. You may not be a dad yet, but I wouldn’t be able to raise Brooklyn without the help of her favorite uncle.”

“Hey!” Urban exclaimed, reaching for the bowl of hash browns across the table. “Sorry, Urb, of course Brooklyn loves you. It’s really a tie between the two of you.” You gestured across the table. “Thanks for lying to him sis, his ego is really so fragile”, Clay whispered loud enough for Urban to hear. Jack walked back into the kitchen, Brooklyn in his arms. “Everything okay, did you get her cleaned up?” You looked up at Jack as he placed Brooklyn in her highchair. “Yeah. She poops so much.” Urban grimaced, placing the bowl of fruit he was about to get a serving from back down. “Appetite officially ruined.”

“Ok, now that everyone is done eating, let’s do gifts!” You disappeared into the living room, returning with three gift bags, one bright blue with ‘Happy Hannukah’ on the front, the second with a rainbow unicorn on the front with the words ‘Make A Wish’ exploding out of the unicorn’s horn, and the third, a pink, striped bag with a baby bottle and the words ‘Hush Little Baby’ in gold lettering. You handed one to each of the guys, sitting back down at the table.

Jack raised an eyebrow at you, letting out a chuckle. “I know, I know. I gave Brooklyn a few dollars to spend at Dollar General for each of you, and she went a little wild.”

Brooklyn giggled, clamping her hands over her mouth. “So pretty, Daddy!”

You stopped everyone before they could open their bag. “I should warn you, she was very generous with her choices.” You rubbed the back of your neck, your cheeks beginning to flush. “I’m sure we’ll love whatever she picked out for us.” Jack gave you a peck on the cheek. “Ok, Urban first.”

Urban reached into his bag, pulling out a box of Super Plus tampons. “Wow, how did you know, B.” Urban joked, putting the box on the table. “I’ll take those, actually.” You shrugged at Jack as you reached over the table. Urban continued, pulling out a stapler, a pack of little green army men, a bottle of power steering fluid, and a silicone basting brush. “I, uh- thank you B. I love everything.” Urban announced, blowing Brooklyn a kiss.

Brooklyn got Clay a pair of floral gardening gloves, a bottle of window cleaner, some foundation that was at least three shades too dark, and a copy of ‘Everybody Poops’, the children’s book. “Why do I feel like she was trying to tell me something.” Clay muttered as he flipped through the pages.

Finally, it was Jack’s turn. “She was extra excited about your gifts, babe.” You rubbed his back as he pulled out the first gift. The first one was a glittery sand shovel and pail. “Ooh, for the beach, baby girl! We have to plan a trip!” Brooklyn squealed at her daddy’s suggestion. He set it down on the table. Next, he set out a value pack of Ziploc sandwich bags. He immediately handed it over to Urban. “For your weed habit.” Jack reached into the bag, stopping to look at you, his hand still inside. “Babe, did you have something to do with this?” You looked over, clapping a hand over your mouth. “Oh my god, she must have slipped that into the basket when I wasn’t looking.” You gasped, looking at Brooklyn. “What is it?” Clay asked, nosily leaning over. Jack pulled out a box of condoms, some off brand the store carried.

“Trying to get rid of the competition at the source”, Clay nodded, reaching out to Brooklyn for a high five. Brooklyn slapped his hand, a big smile on her face. “I told you she was a born hustler.”

#jack harlow #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow x reader #jackharlow #jack harlow concepts #jackman harlow #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 10 months

Text

By: Douglas Murray

Published: Jul 15, 2023

Twenty years ago there was a famous marketing campaign featuring a jolly banker named “Howard” dancing and singing about the allegedly great advantages of being with the Halifax building society. Last month the Halifax hit the news for a less happy marketing gimmick. Customers were no longer being invited to answer the question, “Who gives you extra?” Nor was there any other question or invitation. Just an assertion, “Pronouns matter”, followed by the hashtag “It’s a people thing”. Below was a photograph of a name badge of a Halifax staff member called “Gemma” with pronouns listed below. In this case “She/ her/ hers”.

A number of customers responded swiftly to the message. As they pointed out, there is no ambiguity about the name “Gemma”. Gemma is a woman’s name, so adding pronouns to Gemma’s badge was, as one customer said, “pathetic virtue-signalling” by a company hoping to hitch on to the end of the tedious Pride-month bandwagon.

But it was what happened next that was most interesting. Amid criticism from customers, a representative of the Halifax social media team called Andy M said: “We strive for inclusion, equality and quite simply, in doing what’s right. If you disagree with our values, you’re welcome to close your account.”

If the furious responses to this retort are anything to go by then hundreds of Halifax customers have indeed chosen to take their accounts elsewhere. Andy M’s intervention has been described by a number of market-watchers as Halifax’s Gerald Ratner moment.

If it was only Halifax behaving this way, perhaps that might be believable: a single company going off-piste thanks to an inexperienced junior marketing person with plenty of views and little judgment. But what is remarkable about the Halifax case is that it is nothing new.

Indeed the moment there was some customer pushback, another bank — HSBC — decided to speak out in solidarity with Halifax. Retweeting their competitor’s original message, HSBC said: “We stand with and support any bank or organisation that joins us in taking this positive step forward for equality and inclusion. It’s vital that everyone can be themselves in the workplace.”

Of course there was no evidence that “Gemma” was having any trouble being herself in the workplace. But for HSBC the whole contorted issue of pronoun usage (a core tenet of the new trans faith) appeared an important hill to stand on. They are not alone. In recent years nearly every high street bank has made similar statements of politically dogmatic intent. Five years ago Barclays bank celebrated Pride month by decking their branches in the rainbow flag and promoting the advertising line “Love happens here”. As I remarked at the time, it was a strange claim for a bank to make. After all, most of us do not want either sex or love to happen at our bank. We just want there to be an adequate number of staff manning the place and not to be overcharged when we lose our back statements.

Even the Queen’s bank, Coutts, has got in on the act. Last autumn the bank’s headquarters on the Strand in London was bedecked with an image of the footballer Marcus Rashford. An accompanying laudatory blurb on the building front talked of how Rashford was a “shining example” and “political activist” who “leads the way in celebrating and championing difference”. That is as it may be. But what does it have to do with Coutts?

Four years ago I wrote a book called The Madness of Crowds: Gender, Race and Identity about the intrusion of woke identity politics into every facet of our lives. Increasingly, you could not avoid it anywhere. Not even eating. Marks & Spencer started producing an LGBT sandwich (lettuce, guacamole, bacon and tomato), as though sexual preferences are a suitable basis for sandwich fillings.

Back then I tried to describe the nature of the new quasi-religious movement being forced on our societies. Specifically, the intense doubling down on the significance of sex, race and sexuality just when most of us had hoped to have got past the stage of obsessing about these things. There were plenty of reasons why this change had come about. But it required another writer to fill in one of the last remaining pieces of the jigsaw.

Because in the four years that have followed, it has become clear that the movement known as “woke” is not just a grassroots movement. It is a grassroots movement that has gone so far so very fast because it is gigantically fuelled by old-school capital. This is what the entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy described in a superb book published last year as Woke, Inc.

Ramaswamy filled in the blanks that had not previously been able to be filled. Why were “social justice” campaigns no longer about campaigns on the street, protest marches and much more, but about top-down lecturings by highly privileged individuals and corporations? Why had it become the case that we were being urged to “do better” not just by certain princes and duchesses, but by major companies and brands who would once have just taken our money and run? Why were firms like Goldman Sachs and Blackrock boasting about their commitment to such things as “racial equity and social justice”?

The answer starts with the way in which energy companies began to rebrand themselves in recent decades. From the early part of this century oil companies like Shell and BP went out of their way to present their public image as being one of unbelievable green-ness. As it happens, both companies, like most other energy companies, are trying to diversify their energy bases and are hardly any longer reliant solely on the pumping of oil. But even when they were, they presented themselves as though they positively existed to make the world greener and to ensure each field was filled with flowers.

And this in many ways explains the far grander and more comprehensive examples of something similar that is happening today.

What we now know as “woke” is a legacy product of legitimate and indeed venerable human rights campaigns. The campaigns for women’s rights, gay rights and racial minority rights were just and noble enterprises which ended up achieving the overwhelming majority, if not all, of their aims.

[ Shell, the oil company, presents a public image of great greenness ]

But at the point of victory something strange happened. People remained on the barricades long after the battle had been won. Partly because careers and pensions were at stake. But also because a new generation of activists wanted to experience the moral high of fighting for rights which had been honourably fought for before their time. So it was that legacy rights organisations like Stonewall ended up fulfilling the dictum of Eric Hoffer. Which is that every good cause “begins as a movement, becomes a business, and eventually degenerates into a racket”.

When Stonewall started out it was an important movement which did a great deal to improve the lot of gay people in this country. But by the time the fight was essentially won, with the passing of civil partnerships and gay marriage, Stonewall stopped being a good cause. For a brief time it became a business. But it swiftly degenerated into a racket. For the point of victory was of course the exact moment when everybody wanted to be on board. After the battle was won, who didn’t want a piece of the civil rights action? The big banks and corporations may have been nowhere when people were fighting for their rights in the 20th century. But in the 21st century, at the point of victory, everyone wanted a piece of the action. And some were willing to sell it.

As this newspaper has reported, in recent years Stonewall started raking in money from government departments and vast corporations. It came up with the brilliant idea of a “UK Workplace Equality Index”. Through this process Stonewall got paid by companies to approve them and mark their “social justice” and “diversity” homework. Of course the charity used this not just as a money-making scheme but as a way to push their agendas, which in the mid-2010s moved from concentrating on gay rights to trans rights.

As The Times reported last June, documents show that Stonewall used its equality index to force organisations to lobby for their policies. If a company, NHS trust, government department or local council did not lobby aggressively for what Stonewall wanted then the group would mark them down, or drop them off its “Top 100” employers index. Even firms that had bent over backwards to placate Stonewall would find themselves told they had room for improvement. For a healthy further donation of course.

It is quite obvious how this benefited Stonewall. They became richer and more powerful than they had ever been. And now the boot was on the other foot they used it to kick around companies and governments and get whatever they wanted while being exceptionally well paid for doing so.

But what did the companies get out of it? And there lies the answer to much of the corporate wokery of our time. Because it is clear by now that the relationship between woke lobby groups and the corporate world has become symbiotic. One side gets rich. The other gets a camouflage, or wokescreen.

Suddenly companies that certainly do not prioritise radical left-wing causes can present themselves as though they are on top of — even ahead of — all the social issues of their time. In the process they can do a number of things. One is to ask the angel of social media death to pass by their door. If they paint themselves with enough rainbow flags and diversity policies then they can evade notice.

For the benefits for Woke Inc are very great indeed. Even the negative publicity that may come from woke over-reach cannot even slightly approximate the negative attention that corporations might otherwise run into. For instance when the Halifax was in the news for its new pronouns policy, it was almost certainly banking that a sizeable number of people — perhaps especially younger potential clients — would be impressed by their “forward-looking” and inclusive policies. What people will not be focusing on is the fact that Halifax has become yet another one of the high street banks that has decided to retire from the high street.

In recent years the Halifax has continuously closed branches. It is a high street bank that has abandoned the high street. This year alone Halifax has closed 27 branches across the country. In other words, while it witters on about the pronouns of an employee called “Gemma” and people become agitated about either this being a great leap forward for humanity or that Gemma could hardly be anything other than a woman, they fail to notice their chances of ever having any interactions with Gemma or any other physical, actual employee of the Halifax. In reality you won’t need Gemma’s pronouns because a Halifax customer’s chances of ever encountering a Gemma diminish every week.

Other things that end up getting covered over include the Halifax’s simple poor performance as a bank. For example, its appalling mortgage rates. While the internet was tearing into the Gemma issue, you had to search the financial pages to discover that at the same time the Halifax had once again hiked its mortgage rates, with the lender’s 60 per cent LTV remortgage rate rising by almost 300 per cent in a year. Gemma may be better news fodder, but she actually covers over the real stories.

It is the same with corporation after corporation. What did HSBC think it was doing when it joined its rival in planting the pronoun flag as the most important issue of the moment? It doubtless thought it would get good publicity and public acclaim from tweeting about how much it stood for “equality and inclusion” and everyone being able to “be themselves in the workplace”. But these words are cheap. Just as it is comparatively cheap to bung some thousands of pounds each year to Stonewall or cover your branches in rainbow flags for a month, compared to the criticisms you might actually be having to face. Woke is camouflage for these firms.

The reality with HSBC, for instance, is that it has proven itself not just uninterested in equality and inclusion, but brutally, cynically, money-grubbingly uninterested in them. In 2020 when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) effectively fully subsumed Hong Kong into the communist state, there was a range of options open to individuals and corporations. They could either agree to the new regime, stay silent or leave. That year the CCP brought in new security laws which included making it illegal to criticise in any way the activities of the communist authorities, undermine their power or permit foreign interference in Hong Kong. HSBC could have left and gone to Singapore. It could have made a stand. It could have stayed silent. It did none of these things. HSBC backed the security laws. Because it prioritised access to the Chinese market over human rights. As clearly as anyone could.

When HSBC talks about pronouns, it hopes we won’t know about its complicity with the CCP. In corporation after corporation the same cynical game is played. Four years ago Nike started to run adverts featuring the black NFL player Colin Kaepernick, most famous for taking the knee during the playing of the American national anthem. Through this and other campaigns Nike likes to present itself as wildly on the right side on all racial and other justice issues. It should have come as no surprise two years later when reports revealed that parts of Nike’s products were being made in China’s forced labour camps by Uighur prisoners. The same revelations came out for Apple in due course.

It doesn’t matter where you turn, the cynicism of Woke Inc hits you every time. There is not a political issue that the fattening ice cream Ben & Jerry’s does not try to speak on. Why ice cream should speak in the first place is a question we might park for another day. But among much else, Ben & Jerry’s have in recent years expressed their views on Jewish settlements in the West Bank and Priti Patel’s proposed reforms on illegal migration across the Channel. All of which may well distract from the fact that Ben & Jerry’s parent company, Unilever, has been accused of underpaying £550 million in tax in the UK. Or that the parent company of this oh-so-woke entity still sells skin-lightening creams across Asia.

There was a time when people assumed that corporations were going woke because they wanted to get with the times. As Ramaswamy and others have now shown, nothing could be further from the truth. Corporations go woke because they know it is the best way to get away with worse and more expensive habits. So I would suggest that this should become a new rule in our society. As obvious as the fact that the most outspoken male feminists reliably turn out to be sex pests.

There was a time when people thought Woke Inc was well-meaning at best, naive at worst. But as the saga of Gemma reminds us, when a company advertises its woke credentials, we should assume it is trying to hide something. And then go looking for it.

[ Via: https://archive.is/ziEDT ]

when a company advertises its woke credentials, we should assume it is trying to hide something. And then go looking for it.

Repeated for emphasis.

Stop getting taken in by this virtue bullshit.

#Douglas Murray #Big Woke #Woke Inc #wokescreen #Woke Passover #virtue signaling #virtue signal #virtue signalling #woke #wokeism #cult of woke #wokeness as religion #religion is a mental illness

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wonderlandleighleigh · 1 year

Note

Please feel free to ignore if this doesn't speak to you as a prompt, but after browsing heirloom tomato varietals today I couldn't help but think of Schneiders of Stars Hollow Lenny messing with people with the different tomato names. (My favorite find from today is called "Mr. Stripey")

(I love this idea!)

"I just think the Mr. Stripeys are overdone," Lenny comments. "There are other ones you can do that are better."

"Like what?" Jackson asks, looking a little annoyed. "And why are you telling me how to do my job?"

"I'm just saying, Rainbow Tomatoes are better. They're less sugary!"

"What's wrong with a sugary tomato?"

"They're not ask good in sandwiches."

"Who says?"

"Me."

"And you're the sandwich king, Lenny?" Jackson asks, settling his hands on his hips. "Are you the king of sandwiches?"

Lenny rolls his eyes. "Yes, Jackson, I am the king of fucking sandwiches, kneel before me or I'll never let you eat roast beef and horseradish on a kaiser roll again."

"Well, now you're not being helpful at all," Jackson grumbles.

"Jesus, do whatever you want, I was just trying to make a suggestion," Lenny snaps.

"What are they fighting about?" Lorelai asks from Luke's counter.

"Heirloom tomato varieties," Sookie giggles.

Lorelai snorts. "What a couple of nerds."

"You have no idea," Sookie tells her. "Last week? Carrot varieties."

"Wow, that is impressive."

"And nerdy."

"So nerdy."

#fic #au #tmmm #The Schneiders of Stars Hollow #Gilmore Girls #Fictional Lenny #Jackson Bellville #Sookie St. James #Lorelai Gilmore

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stardewremixed · 2 years

Text

🍝SDV Headcanon: Pasta (bachelorettes) 🍝

Yesterday was National Pasta Day. Here are my headcanons involving pasta and the bachelorettes. Farmer is a pasta lover. See my pasta headcanons for bachelors here. What other HC’s would you like to see?

I’m so bummed. I spent like an hour writing these and then the Internet ate it. Meh... okay, let’s try this again.

Abigail

Is into weird, experimental stuff. Fugu noodles? Spicy eel noodles? Pumpkin noodles?

Once made Sebastian a ramen noodle sandwich. He promptly took her back upstairs to teach her how to properly make ramen.

Dyes the noodles black for Spooky Day with a chunky pumpkin tomato sauce. Pierre would raise an eyebrow, but Caroline would be supportive of her daughter’s creativity.

Is more into the desserts post pasta - she would make her unusual pasta dish if the farmer made her favorite pumpkin cheesecake.

If in a romantic relationship, Abigail packs a pasta lunch into the Farmer’s knapsack before going into the mines. Then of course, joins them on an adventure! Definitely with Bilbo Baggins energy.

Maru

Prefers noodle substitutes. Once when she was a kid, she choked on pasta. It’s a psychological thing, but she can’t eat spaghetti. Red sauce. Blech!

Bought a vegetable spiraler tool for making alt-noodles. It’s one of the things she enjoys doing with her mom. Robin likes making beet, carrot, and zucchini spirals.

Her absolute favorite is cheesy cauliflower noodles! She would shyly request fresh cheese from the Farmer if they are friends.

If she has to eat pasta, Maru likes Thai rice noodles (super thin noodles).

Since this girl loves strawberries, she attempted to figure out dessert pasta. Is thrilled to discover a Polish dish with strawberries and cream pasta.

Maru also enjoys the heat. Lots of spices added to her pastas. Cilantro. Red curry paste. She would get fresh honey from the Farmer to add to her Sriracha sauce if they are friends.

In a romantic relationship, she is so excited if you offer to make alt-noodles with her. She would worry about what to wear for once, and go to Haley for advice before realizing that she needs to get across town to meet you at the house in time.

Harvey once accidentally ate some of her pasta for lunch. His mouth was on fire for an hour. (Yes, I can picture his hair standing on end).

Leah

Also likes truffles like Harvey. Sometimes she brings him a pasta with truffles dish for lunch because the poor man forgets to take a break and eat.

Marnie let her set up a little smoker on the property. Leah smokes her own meats. If the Farmer keeps goats, Leah would swing by frequently for a sampling of fresh goat cheese for her pasta with smoked bacon dish.

If she’s in a rush, a simple pasta dish with chopped spring onions, garlic, and Balsamic vinaigrette is all she needs.

She enjoys wild caught salmon with her pasta served with fresh herbs.

Leah cans her own sauce with fresh ingredients foraged from the forest and from the Farm. If friends, Leah brings a can over to the Farmer about once a month.

If in a romantic relationship, Leah would join the Farmer for a pasta meal and bring a fresh salad and a bottle of wine to enjoy. She also brings hand-crafted jars for the Farmer to store all their noodles. On the bottom, she would carve “hand crafted with love” and a little heart with her name.

Emily

Loves earthy vegetables with her pasta. Beets, carrots, daikon, onions and garlic.

Oh yes, this girl loves garlic! If the recipe calls for 1 clove, she uses 3. And way too much salt. Haley jokes that it’s her sister’s hair dye that makes Emily loopy when it comes to balancing out her spices. The only person who can handle THAT much garlic is Shane. And he never complains when she cooks for him.

Emily is a hands-on kind-of girl. If friends, harvest vegetables straight from the Farmer’s garden. Shows up wearing a big floppy hat and colorful patchy overalls and sneakers with little handdrawn parrots and rainbows and sunshine.

If in a romantic relationship, Emily accepts the Farmer’s invite to stay for dinner. Emily trusts the Farmer’s process, but would try to be helpful. She would shuck green beans and shell walnuts on the porch for a green bean, walnut, and creamy parmesan noodles dish. Emily is a hugger. She would hug the Farmer repeatedly while they were cooking. If they got annoyed, she laughs it off and says she just loves them so much.

Haley

Asked her dad if angels existed after eating angel hair pasta for the first time as a child. It turned into a long conversation about life, death, and the afterlife.

Pasta is a comfort dish for Haley. Whenever she’s sad, lonely, scared, or upset, she returns to the classics: carbonara.

And she’s a meatballs girl. Doesn’t even need pasta. Leah made BBQ meatballs once at a town event and now she’s addicted.

And a noodles in soup girl. Whenever she’s ill, Emily attempts to make a beef broth and homemade noodles for Haley. It’s way too salty but she appreciates the gesture.

Became friends with the farmer after they made her chicken noodle soup when she was really sick. What a lovely and kind thing to do! Haley brings them sunflowers as a thank you gift. If in a romantic relationship, Haley bakes a pink cake with strawberry frosting and heart sprinkles.

Penny

Knows her way around. Since her mom wasn’t around much, Penny learned to cook at a young age. She actually really enjoys it, but she rarely has the time to work in the kitchen in peace.

Makes macaroni noodle necklaces with Jas and Vincent. Blushes like crazy if you compliment the one she’s wearing.

Gnocchi (with extra potatoes) is her favorite pasta. Pairs perfectly with Emily’s extra garlicky garlic bread.

She enjoys a good shrimp scampi also. Would eat with Elliott every once in awhile and bond over the dish. He’s hopeless in the kitchen. *face-palm*

If in a romantic relationship with the Farmer, she comes over to cook pasta often, handrolling out her noodles. She loves the quiet of the Farmhouse kitchen.

Also, she has a romantic fantasy of being blindfolded and hand fed noodles, especially if the Farmer kisses her neck after the butter drizzles down.

#stardew valley thoughts #sdv headcanon #stardew valley headcanon #sdv abigail #sdv leah #sdv emily #sdv haley #sdv maru #sdv penny #sdv sebastian #sdv harvey #sdv elliott #sdv shane #foodies of stardew valley

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catindabag · 5 months

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TBOSAS on Crack short take (72)

*Planning a fake funeral is hard!* Read [this] first.

Coryo: Hey, Class Press.

Felix: Yes, Snowy?

Coryo: Poor Aeneas just called me earlier and said that his little sister is getting discharged from the hospital today.

Felix: Who’s Aeneas again?

Coryo: The Banshee’s surprisingly nicer and smarter older brother.

Felix: The same guy who was forced to sleep inside a tiny doghouse by his parents for being born good?

Coryo: Yup. That Aeneas.

Felix: Oh, I remember now. Poor guy. He deserves better.

Coryo: Yeah. Poor guy. So are we going to celebrate Arachne Crane’s recovery or what?

Hilarius: Are we?

Festus: I’m not. She gave me a proper black eye for saving her screeching spidery ass.

Palmyra: She’s not dead?

Clemensia: Palm Palm, that’s mean. Arachne was almost choked to death by her crazy Tribute.

Coryo: To be fair, crazy Brandy was hungry. She wanted to steal and eat the spider’s ✨Heaven Bread✨.

Domitia: Hungry? But Tanner told me that Brandy stole his bread rolls, cheese tarts, and 2 cans of beer before the spider came and made her a sh*tty sandwich.

Coryo: She’s like Percy’s little gremlin. She won’t stop eating no matter what.

Persephone: True. Mizzen has a Tartarus like stomach.

Festus: And the raging appetite of a thousand grown men.

Persephone: He can even eat Domitia’s whole family farm.

Domitia: Even my sweet daddy’s baby duck sanctuary?

Persephone: Especially the baby duck sanctuary.

Palmyra: So Craney really survived Brandy Sharp Candy?

Diana: Fortunately.

Festus: Tragically.

Diana: Creed!

Festus: She punched me in the face.

Coryo: 4 times.

Festus: It still hurts.😞

Coryo: And now she’s wearing an ugly neck brace because of it.

Felix: Wow. Who would’ve thought that my weird prediction came true.

Gaius: Cool.

Diana: Does that mean that you’re now a seer, Class Pres?

Felix: I wish.

Apollo: In a scale of Dr.Gaul’s ugly mutts to Clemensia’s pretty Mr. Paris Patty, how ugly is Arachne Crane’s neck brace?

Sejanus: Pit bull rabbit mutt ugly.

Apollo: Really?

Sejanus: Truly.

Diana: I can’t wait to see it.☺️

Palmyra: But are you 100 percent sure that our local Banshee is still the same Banshee?

Sejanus: What do you mean?

Palmyra: What if she’s now a cat trap in a box and we don’t know what’s happening inside?

Coryo: She’s not Schrödinger's cat!

Palmyra: Who’s Schrödinger?

Domitia: Monty, please.

Palmyra: But she hasn’t replied to my emails for 2 straight days now.

Domitia: So?

Palmyra: That means she’s dead in my books.

Domitia: Do you want to know the real reason why the spider doesn’t reply to your weird emails?

Palmyra: Yes! I love honesty.😊

Domitia: She doesn’t like you.

Palmyra: Ok! So what’s the truth?

Domitia: She doesn’t like you!

Palmyra: That’s a lie. Everybody likes me. Even Dr. Gaul and her rainbow snakey snakeys like me.

Domitia: You need help.

Palmyra: I like kelp too!

Domitia: I hate you.

Palmyra: I date me too.😊

Domitia: You’re hopeless.

Palmyra: Thank you! You’re a nice friend, Tia.

Domitia: We’re not friends.

Palmyra: Best friends!🥰

Hilarius: Lol. I’m recording this.

Florus: But just to be sure, does anyone have legitimate proof that the spider is still the spider?

Sejanus: *raises hand*

Florus: Really? You of all people?

Sejanus: Yup! The other day, me, Coryo, Lizzie, and Creed had a secret slumber party inside her hospital room without her knowing.

Festus: We stole her ice cream.

Coryo: I ate her mother’s homemade apple pie. It was a little bit dry and flaky, but I still gave it a 7 out of 10 for trying.

Lysistrata: I stole her morphling bottles and sold them to Dennis.

Festus: I drew a mustache on her face while she was sleeping.

Sejanus: And I took some photos and short videos for Felix.

Florus: Photos? Photos of Crane sleeping?

Sejanus: No. They were photos and videos of Crane swearing and screeching at Lizzie and Festus.

Florus: Can you share them with me?

Felix: Flory, I posted them in our secret group chat, remember?

Florus: You made a secret group chat without me?!

Felix: Sh*t. I think Urban and Io forgot to add you.

Apollo: Don’t worry, Flory. I’ll add you.☺️

Florus: Thanks.😞

Pup: Actually, we’ve already added you in our group chat before.

Florus: Then why am I not in chat anymore?

Pup: I think Ban Ban and Andie accidentally kicked you out.

Florus: Why? What did I do?

Pup: They thought you were secretly Dean Highbottom in disguise.

Florus: Is it because of my profile picture?

Pup: Definitely.

Florus: My profile picture is cute and perfectly fine!

Pup: Your profile picture’s a fat goldfish drinking booze.

Florus: It’s simple and symbolic.

Pup: Change it.

Lysistrata: Yo, can we share the photos with Lucky Flickerman?

Florus: That magical clown was added in the group chat before me?!

Lysistrata: Yes, but anyway-

Florus: Anyway?! Felix, explain yourself!

Felix: Don’t look at me. I didn’t add no magical clown in chat.

Lysistrata: I did.

Clemensia: Of course you did, Lizzie. Of course you did.🙄

Lysistrata: He said that he’ll give us 20 bucks, 2 crates of candy corn, a free bird show, and a bucket of chicken wings.

Clemensia: No. Just no. We are not sharing Crane’s ugly pictures with that clown and Capitol News.

Lysistrata: He’s a magician.

Clemensia: That’s not the point!

Lysistrata: He can talk to birds!

Coryo: I’m allergic to weird birds.

Festus: Same.

Apollo: Aren’t we all here to talk about Crane’s miraculous recovery and celebration?

Dennis: Hear me out-

Clemensia: No.

Dennis: Just this once. I swear that you might even like it.

Felix: Fire away, Denny.

Dennis: How about we arrange a fake funeral as a “welcome back” party for Crane instead? What do you guys think?

Coryo: A fake what?

Dennis: A fake funeral!

Festus: That sounds fun.

Dennis: An exclusive fake funeral for our local screeching Banshee and her dead sh*tty sandwich!😀

Clemensia: Dennis, that’s madness-

Sejanus: Denny, that’s brilliant! You’re a genius! A genius!

Coryo: I’m with Seji Pie.

Palmyra: Me too!

Hilarius: Let’s do it!

Felix: But just for formalities-

Clemensia: Or Panem’s sake.

Felix: Raise your good hand if you want to arrange a fake funeral for Arachne Banshee Crane tomorrow.

Everyone: *immediately raises their hand except for Clemensia*

Apollo: Yey! Fake funeral!

Clemensia: You guys disappoint me.

Diana: Are we going to sing ✨Gem of Panem✨?

Felix: Of course! It’s part of the ceremony.

Diana: Can we sing ✨Somewhere Over The Rainbow✨ after?

Felix: Sure! You and Coryo can sing the rainbow song together.

Coryo: But can Sejanus and I sing ✨My Heart Will Go On✨ after my duet with Ring?

Sejanus: Please, Class Pres! Let me sing with my Coryo! I’ll pay you 10 bucks and 4 crates of posca.

Felix: Fine. You can sing whatever love song you feel like singing.

Everyone: Yey!

Festus: But can I bring a big ass silver crane to serve as the main centerpiece for tomorrow’s funeral?

Felix: Are you talking about the weird looking long-legged bird or the one used for construction?

Festus: A big ass metal crane that my mother uses for construction.

Felix: A literal crane?! You want to bring a literal crane to poor Arachne’s funeral?!

Festus: It’s a fake funeral. Anything goes.

Felix: Why, Creed? Just why?!

Festus: Coryo and Seji Pie can even swing on the crane while performing ✨My Heart Will Go On✨.

Diana: Can I swing too?

Festus: As long as you wear my dad’s old neon pink harness.

Coryo: Wait. Are we going to jump down the crane after we sing?

Sejanus: That’s a good idea.

Festus: Don’t worry, Snowy. I’ll make sure that there’s a working ambulance nearby.

Coryo: Working? What do you mean by working?!

Festus: May the odds be ever in your favor, Bestie.☺️

Coryo: Thanks.

Sejanus: Just to be safe, I’ll bring 10 parachutes.

Festus: *turns to Felix* So Class Pres, what do you say? Metal crane or no metal crane?

Felix: Fine. You can bring your mother’s old metal crane.

Festus: Yey!

Felix: But just one.

Festus: No promises.

Apollo: Can we bring fireworks? I love fireworks.

Felix: One box each.

Apollo: You’re the best, Class Pres!

Dennis: Yo, I have another idea. What if-

Clemensia: Dennis, shut up.

Dennis: Hear me out, hear me out-

Clemensia: Suck a di-

Hilarius: Let the man cook!

Clemensia: He can’t cook.

Hilarius: Let the businessman cook!

Palmyra: I wanna cook!😀

Everyone: No.

Dennis: What if we use Creed’s crane to lift up Arachne’s empty casket while Diana, Sejanus, and Coryo are standing on it. What do you think?

Coryo: Standing where exactly?

Dennis: On the casket.

Coryo: While being lifted up?

Dennis: Yes.

Diana: Does that mean that we’re going to perform with the birds?!

Coryo: Not the birds!

Sejanus: I’m excited!

Gaius: That’s brilliant! Capitol News will love it!

Hilarius: I can’t wait to record that.

Dennis: And what if-

Clemensia: You’re an idiot.

Dennis: What if the rest of us are riding 12 pink chariots covered with white and yellow roses while Coryo and Sejanus are singing their love song above us! What do you guys think?😀

Felix: Why chariots? Why not cars?

Dennis: Because we’re Roman Empire fanatics, Class Pres.

Felix: True. We do love the Roman Empire and Greek Mythology.

Apollo: Do you know that I was named after the sun god?😊

Festus: Obviously.

Dennis: Fun fact! My first name is actually Dionysus.

Domitia: We’re still going to call you “Dennis” after this, ya know.

Dennis: I know.😔

Felix: But where exactly are we going to get 12 pink chariots before tomorrow’s event?

Dennis: Mama Cardew.

Felix: Right. I’ll call Livia’s mom later.

Apollo: How about the roses?

Felix: Coryo?

Coryo: Sure. I’ll ransack my grandmother’s garden again.

Dennis: Good! That settles it.

Felix: But where are we going to hold Crane’s fake funeral anyway?

Dennis: In front of the Presidential Palace.

Felix: We can’t! My granduncle might die from embarrassment.

Dennis: The President of Panem will love it! He might even give a funny speech tomorrow!

Felix: You’re killing me.

Dennis: Don’t be like that, Class Press. Your crazy Gran Gran loves attending weird funerals.

Felix: Dennis, please.

Dennis: I’ll give you a banned Lana Del Rey album next week.

Felix: For free?

Dennis: 2 Lana Del Rey albums.

Felix: Fine! I’ll call my crazy Gran Gran right now. *calls President Ravinstill*

Pres.Ravinstill: Hello? Is this the royal dog walker? My puppies are sleeping right now-

Felix: Gran Gran, this is Felix.

Pres.Ravinstill: Ah! My favorite son!

Felix: I’m not your son. I’m your grandnephew, remember?

Pres.Ravinstill: What do you want from your dear old Gran Gran, my sweet son and heir? Do you want another golden chair? I can give you another golden chair-

Felix: Can we arrange a fake funeral in front of the Presidential Palace tomorrow?

Pres.Ravinstill: Am I invited?

Felix: You’ll be speaking on stage.

Pres.Ravinstill: I approve!

Felix: Thank you, Gran Gran. You’re the best.

Pres.Ravinstill: I’m the best!

Felix: I’ll hang up now-

Pres.Ravinstill: But can your poor old man wear an extra large burrito blanket and a pink balaclava for tomorrow’s event?

Felix: Wear whatever you want. You’re the President, remember?

Pres.Ravinstill: Yes! I’m the President!

Felix: Goodbye, Mr. President.

Pres.Ravinstill: See you late, son.

Felix: *Hangs up the phone* Gran Gran approves!

Everyone: Yey!

Palmyra: Weewoo!

Festus: I love you guys!

Sejanus: So who’s telling Crane?

Coryo: It’s a surprise.

Sejanus: Nice! I love surprises.☺️

Clemensia: I’m homeschooling my children.

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ghosts-and-blue-sweaters · 1 year

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SO I am now back from the beach, and I’m gonna talk about it because it was wonderful :D

(Originally I was gonna make a post every day during the trip, but I was just too busy lol)

These things won’t really be in any particular order, but here goes!!

IT RAINED THE FIRST DAY!!! SO MUCH RAIN!!!

I went with my immediate and extended family, so there were a Lot of us

We got… fined? For putting up a clothes line?? In a campground??? Like?? Okay???

I ate so many corndogs

My little four year old cousin, who I’ll call B, walked up to me and politely asked, “Grace, can I please sit in your lap?” MY HEART

She ended up sitting there for like 45 minutes and it was so wholesome

B had a slice of cheese she was eating and she broke off a tiny piece for me 🥺

She also tried to give me part of her sandwich, which I unfortunately couldn’t eat because gluten. It was very sweet though <3

I got ice cream :D Lotsa ice cream!! Cherry vanilla!!

I got to spend so much time with my baby cousins oh my goodness

I love my baby cousins so much

I ended up writing 1,500 words on my phone one night, which was unexpected but nice!

BEACH!!!

The ocean was great; cold at first, but you get used to it pretty fast

I spent so much time in the ocean

OH! I played Life By The Sea by the sea!!! Yippee!!!

I kinda accidentally took part in a parade

No really it was a complete accident

I played so much ukulele

THE TOILETS AT THE CAMPGROUND WERE NOT AUTOMATIC!!! OH YES THANK YOU!!!

I found a plastic fork on the beach and I rescued it and wanted to keep it but then someone threw it away when I wasn’t looking

RIP beach fork

But I found a plastic spoon!! Beach spoon!!!!

I listened to sooooo much music holy jalapeños

I almost fell asleep while listening to La Jolla and Oblivion (acoustic version) and Spring And A Storm but then an ad started playing and it scared me aksgakdgajdg

Juice boxes!!

Golf cart rides!!

Beach!!

Ocean!! That wonderful amazing perfect ocean!!

There was like… a rainbow that went in a circle around the sun?? That was a little Odd and Freaky

I got knocked over by like three waves and I tumbled underwater and went everywhere and it was fun

Spending time with the Whole Family was really, really fun

I took a heck ton of pictures

My baby cousins played with me so much and they sat on my lap and aaaaaaaah 🥺

#all in all it was an extremely fun trip #really really amazing #:D #the great beach trip of ‘23 #my post

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jakesuit0 · 6 months

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The Monster Review

“The Monster” brings Lumpy Space Princess back to the forefront for the first time since the second episode of the series, after being relegated to only minor roles since. After back-to-back episodes developing the major supporting cast members, it’s only natural to continue that trend with LSP. Unlike Marceline, Ice King, and Princess Bubblegum, who just got some of their best episodes so far, I think “The Monster” is a missed opportunity.

The opening harkens back to the beginning of “Conquest of Cuteness”, with another cute Finn and Jake song, and is just delightful. Finn screaming “PIZZA” at a flock of birds is hysterical. Lumpy Space King and Queen return, sending Finn and Jake to find their missing daughter. They have a drastic redesign. Other characters like Huntress Wizard, Betty, and Fionna have gotten minor redesigns, but nothing as severe as these two (one?). Pendleton Ward thought their original look was just too gross. And yeah, I do somewhat prefer their new design, even though it upsets the nerd part of my brain that wants everything in this universe to be consistent.

Finn and Jake search the woods, figuring she’s there eating beans, referencing “Heat Signature”. They stumble upon some tiny villagers, who are suffering from the terrorism of a monster, but find LSP in its place. She begins telling her story. This section is from LSP’s POV, a first for the series, and a POV we’ll see a lot more of going forward. I love LSP countering her parents, who use the sandwiches to lure her into visiting more often, by saying they can have them delivered to her apartment. LSP thinking her homeless encampment is an apartment makes the line even funnier. She storms out at the suggestion that she should move back home. They have good reason to be worried considering her current living situation.

The timeline in this episode doesn’t really make any sense. Her parents say she’s been missing for days, which makes sense if they just mean they haven’t heard from her after her outburst, as we know she’s been living in the woods for longer than just days, something that even Finn and Jake reference. The scene adds up so far, since LSP is only visiting her parents here, this isn’t the backstory of her moving into the woods. But, when LSP storms out of her parents house, she says she’ll show her parents that she can make it on her own and that she is running away. But, isn’t that already what she’s been doing for a while? I can just chalk up that line to LSP being overlydramatic. But she then wanders hopelessly through the forest scared, hungry, and looking for shelter, like it’s her first time living there. Why doesn’t she just go back to her camp?

Lumpy Space Princess vomits a rainbow, beating the same gag in Gravity Falls by a year (which was certainly already written before this episode came out). She is taken in by a family of wolves, which makes for the best part of the episode. The wolves don’t talk, but LSP thinks she understands exactly what they are communicating, playing into her delusions. She has a low self-esteem, as later explored in “Be Sweet”, and thinks she belongs with other wild animals, as she feels she doesn’t belong with her peers. LSP of course has to start reading into drama among the wolves, which provides the best comedy in the episode. I love LSP thinking one of the wolves, Jessica, is cheating on another wolf, Tony. She accuses Jessica of cheating on Tony with her when she licks her. Step aside Bubbline, Lumpy Space Princess and Jessica is Adventure Time’s first sapphic relationship.

LSP is chased off and stumbles upon the village. They run away, mistaking her for the monster, and LSP starts eating their food. I like that the first incident is accidental, making LSP a little less villainous, instead of intentionally stealing from the beginning. Afterwards, she dresses up as the monster to steal their food.

She goes to apologize to the villagers at the advice of Finn and Jake. I like how they balance her portrayal. She feels legitimately guilty for her actions, but she still can’t help being rude. During her apology, she calls them fat and says she probably helped them lose weight, which is really funny. The villagers chase her off. Finn and Jake suggest they just let her go. They’ve been pretty easy on LSP in this episode, all things considered. They definitely would not have suggested letting her go if the person wasn’t one of their friends. Finn especially would have wanted them locked up, but it makes sense he is more sympathetic to his pal.

The conclusion is nice, with LSP deciding to give the villagers her parents’ sandwiches when she finds out they are also parents. I like LSP being so delusional that she thinks she saved the village, when really that was the least she could have done after her actions. The ending is super weird, with LSP coming back home. The show forgets about this, and still lives in the woods for the rest of the series. It’s easy to believe that LSP would run away again, but that still makes this development pointless. The same applies to her relationship with her parents, with LSP back to hating them in “The Prince Who Wanted Everything”. I don’t see why the writers thought this was a good development, when they rightfully prefer her living in Ooo so she can actually show up whenever they want.

“The Monster” has some good ideas and enjoyable moments, but was executed poorly. The continuity doesn’t make sense at any point. It’s structured weirdly too. The first third follows Finn and Jake, the second portion follows LSP running away and living with the wolves, and the last third focuses on the conflict between LSP and the villagers. None of these sections have time to be fleshed out. The episode should have followed LSP from the beginning, and given us the backstory to why she’s living in the woods (the episode itself can’t make up its mind if that is the story) and her running away in the first place. She could have gone through the tribulations with the wolves and the villagers, and then learn how to survive by herself in the woods, like we see her doing in season 2. Instead of moving back home, she could have come to some understanding with her parents by the end, with her agreeing to visit more and them accepting her lifestyle.

Grade: C

#adventure time #the monster #finn and jake #jake the dog #finn the human #lumpy space princess

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