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Dr.SHIVA LIVE: Raw or Sprouted Sun Flower Seeds – Which Is Healthier?

In this discussion, Dr. SHIVA shares results from CytoSolve’s Molecular Systems Biology Analysis of comparing RAW Sunflower Seeds versus SPROUTED Sunflower. The discussion is a SYSTEMS ANALYSIS recognizing that HOW food is processed is critical in changing the constitution of the food itself. Many “health gurus” simply are Pro- and Anti- about a particular food. This is a reductionist approach that creates confusion. They have little idea of HOW the food is processed since they lack a SYSTEMS foundation to thinking.

The original research in this video is made possible by generous contributions from supporters of the Dr.SHIVA Truth Freedom Health® movement. Please contribute so we may continue to bring you such original research, valuable education, and innovative solutions.

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Key Points:

• Dr.SHIVA Ayyadurai, MIT PhD – Inventor of Email, Systems Scientist, Engineer, Educator – presents results from CytoSolve® Molecular Systems Biology Analysis on Raw or Sprouted Sunflower Seeds – Which Is Healthier?

• CytoSolve® technology is designed to take a Systems Approach and distilled over 2493 research articles and 75 clinical trials on different areas of health spanning 80 years.

• Sunflowers Seeds have 33 Key Molecules. Sunflower Seeds are an antioxidant. They’re anti-inflammatory, they’re anti-microbial, anti-hypertensive, and have wound healing properties.

• Sunflowers Seeds provide numerous benefits including cardio-protective, skin-protection, metabolic health, improved digestion, pain relief, etc.

• Research shows overconsumption of Sunflower Seeds can affect your mood, chronic fatigue, kidney function, and skin rashes.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

sunflower seeds, people, systems, sprouted, CytoSolve®, eat, food, health, germinated, seeds, minerals, science, soak, freedom, shiva, nutrients, body, mV25, phytic acid, raw

Dr.SHIVA LIVE: Raw or Sprouted Sunflower Seeds – Which Is Healthier?

Good evening, everyone. This is Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai. Today we’re going to be talking about an interesting topic. It’s a follow on to a series I started last week, which is on how we process food. We did last week on Raw versus Sprouted Almond Seeds, and which is healthier. We’re going to continue that. But now we’re going to look at Sunflower Seeds. Let me just explain at a very high level what we want to talk about.

What You Will Learn Today – Raw versus Sprouted Sunflower Seeds

Many times, you probably, a lot of times you go to YouTube, and you’re searching, Oh, should I eat this? Or should I not eat that? Or is this good for me? Is that bad for me? And you’ll get these declarative statements from a lot of people who actually don’t know a lot about health, they don’t study it really at the Molecular Systems level. They don’t understand the Science, they basically are reading something elsewhere, and then they regurgitate.

And this happens not only with nutrition and health. It happens in every field. It seems like you have a lot of people just essentially becoming talking heads. And they haven’t really put in their time to understand this. And this is unfortunate, because you get what’s called a Reductionist view, a Reductionist view, which is opposite of a Systems Approach to understanding the reality of what’s going on. People say, Don’t eat that, eat this, or don’t eat this and eat that, etc. Right?

6 Blind Men

I call that Reductionism. Because imagine you look at something, the analogy, I’ve given you of an Elephant. And then, let’s say, Six Blind Men are called in to touch the Elephant and one touches a tusk and he thinks it’s a spear, the other touches a leg and he thinks it’s a tree, that guy touches a tail, thinks it’s a brush, and so on. Because they’re essentially getting a blinded view of reality. What we want to do is we want to always take a Systems Approach. And that’s what we’re going to do here.

Science and Truth – Overview of Sunflower Seeds Nutrition

And one of those Systems Approaches that comes out is that before you go say the food is good or bad. You have to ask the question, how was that food processed? Okay, how was the food processed? Let me give you an example. You could take a kidney bean and if you sprout it and you eat it raw, you can actually hurt yourself. It’s actually going to be deadly for some people. It’s not a healthy thing to eat, it could be deadly.

On the other hand, if you process it, put some heat to it, and cook it will now become something that your body can digest, right? There are some foods that are good, not cooked, right, you get more nutritional value when they’re not cooked or germinated, etc. It’s really, really important to understand.

Summertime Sunflower Seeds

In the series last week or the week before I did something on sprouted almonds, and raw almonds, and we found a profound difference when you sprout the almonds. Today, we’re going to look at the same thing, but with Sunflower Seeds. It’s summertime here in Massachusetts and we’re going to look at that.

Let me jump right in and get into our topic today. And by the way, those of you who are new to our series here to what we talked about, if you go to VASHIVA.com. That’s our major website. And if you go to TruthFreedomHealth.com or VASHIVA.com/join, you can find out more about our Systems and Truth Freedom Health® program.

Complex World

One of the things we do as I mentioned is because we want people to get out of this Reductionist mindset, or this pigeonholed mindset. Of taking the very complex world and just thinking, looking at one piece and thinking that’s all there is to that. You have to understand the interconnections.

Every Monday evening, my team and I put together a course. And it’s not only a course but it’s part of a larger curriculum for Truth Freedom Health®, but it begins with understanding the Science of Systems.

And then it goes to building a community that we’ve put together. But it also involves a bunch of tools. I encourage all of you to go to TruthFreedomHealth.com or VASHIVA.com/join.

What We Teach: Truth Freedom Health® The Power of a Systems Approach

But fundamentally, what we teach people is the intersection from a Systems standpoint of the importance of Freedom, dialogue, the importance of Science, Truth, and the importance of taking care of our Health, our own personal infrastructure. Because without freedom, you can’t really get to Truth, and you can’t get to understanding of Health. And so we, when we’re discussing any of our Science, we’ll discuss what’s going on with the Science of it and what the Health of it is. And also, what are the Constraints on Freedom that sometimes don’t allow us to get the Truth out there.

Times for Truth Freedom Health® Continental Orientations

Also, for those of you interested, every Thursday at 11am, Eastern Standard Time, for those of you in other parts of the world, Europe and India and Asia, you can join then, with me, or 8pm, Eastern Standard Time. For example, this Thursday. If you go to VASHIVA.com/orientation, please sign-up. And then you can learn more about the Truth Freedom Health® movement, and how you can be part of this. There’s a little ticker on the bottom. I encourage you guys to go there and sign up.

Raw Versus Sprouted Sunflower Seeds

Today we’re going to talk about raw versus sprouted Sunflower Seeds. We’re going to begin with the Science or the Truth, which is what are Sunflower Seeds? What are the biological functions? What are the health benefits, then we’re gonna go to the aspects that get in the way of some of this nutritional knowledge from getting out there, because of the focus from Big Pharma. On really focusing, always on a pharmaceutical solution or not really focused on prevention.

And this unfortunately, as we’ll talk about what doctors are at most doctors, you can actually educate many of your doctors on nutrition, because they, frankly, maybe get five- or 10-15-hours total in their entire medical school education on nutrition. In some ways you have to do the work for these, for the unfortunate situation of MD’s.

The health possibilities we discuss next on Raw and Sprouted Sunflower Seeds, we’ll look at the nutritional differences. And the research. The knowledge I’m going to share with you is from original research that we did several years ago, when we were asked to really do the comparison between Almonds, Oats, and Sunflower Seeds between their Raw version, their Roasted version, and their Sprouted, or also known as germinated versions. So you’re getting, you’re gonna get a lot of original research done here.

Before I do that, to inspire those of you I always like to, I started with talking about a Reductionist Approach. The opposite of a Reductionist Approach is what is known as a Systems Approach. And I’m going to play this video for you, which will give you My Journey to Systems.

One of the key things to take away from that is, we need to “Learn How to Think, NOT What to Think”. And the Science of Systems offers you that approach. If we apply that Systems Approach to looking at Raw versus Sprouted Sunflower Seeds, we’re gonna first begin with the Truth, then we’re going to look at how Freedom in terms of getting the Science out there is constrained. And then we’re gonna go into the Health as we discuss.

Overview of Sunflower Seed Nutrition

We’re going to talk about a number of the aspects of Sunflower Seeds in the Science part. And we’re going to talk about some of the constraints, how Big Pharma views the world of Nutrition as Medical Doctors, and then we’re going to go into the Health possibilities.

Let’s look at the overview of Sunflower Seeds from a nutritional standpoint and look at the Science and the Truth there.

Sunflower- Asteraceae Family or Daisy Family

First of all, as you can see, what’s important is to understand that Sunflowers belong to the category of Daisies, actually, I mean, it looks like a big Daisy, right. So that’s called the Asteraceae family, which is a Daisy family.

They were first domesticated about 3000-5000 years ago by the Native Americans in Central North America. And they’re primarily used at that time as a source of edible seed and still today as oil seed, right. So, you get Sunflower Oil, people make the seed, sometimes people make a sort of a meal out of the Sunflower Seeds. So that’s sort of the origins of Sunflowers in terms of where they came from.

Health Benefits – 7 Biological Effects of Sunflower Seeds

Now, I want to really look at the Health Benefits of Sunflower Seeds and the health benefits of Sunflower Seeds, and really the seven biological effects. Let’s consider those. Let’s begin by recognizing that Sunflower Seeds first of all, they affect multiple aspects of health. Many of these food components not just affect just one area, but they affect multiple aspects. Sunflower Seeds affect skin health, for example, acne, heart health, metabolic health, digestive health and pain. They affect these different areas.

Specifically, here, the seven biological effects. So Sunflower Seeds are an antioxidant. They’re anti-inflammatory, they’re anti-microbial, which means they ward off bugs and microbes are anti-hypertensive, wound healing. We can do a series on that, but Sunflower Seeds have components in there which accelerate wound healing, anti-cancer and anti-atherosclerotic, which means, the plaque development in the arteries. So these are the seven biological effects of Sunflower Seeds.

Now, if we want to analyze Sunflower Seeds, how do we do that? How was this research done? As I mentioned, several years ago, we were given the project of trying to figure out if you take Sunflower Seeds, the Raw, the Sprouted, and the Roasted, which one had more nutrients? Well, how do you do that?

Analyzing Sunflower Seed Using CytoSolve®

Well, fortunately, we have a very powerful tool called CytoSolve®, which allows us to do that. And using CytoSolve®, what we’re able to do is we’re able to, in this case, look at all the literature that’s out there, organize it, archive it, extract out the Molecular Pathways, build the Systems Architectures, and model it. In this case, we did the first three parts, as you’ve seen in some of the other videos, we went through an entire modeling exercise.

Analyzing Sunflower Seeds Using CytoSolve® Integrating the Current Research of 2493 Research Articles, 75 Clinical Trials over 80 Years

But here relative to Sunflower Seeds, there’s been about 2500 research articles, 2493 as of today, 75 clinical trials, which means people have conducted studies with human beings taking Sunflower Seeds on these different areas of health. Sunflowers Seeds have been studied since the 1940s. For about 80 years, it’s, it’s a pretty well researched food substance relative to others that are out there. You can see quite a bit of research on this.

CytoSolve® is a Revolutionary Systems Biology Platform

And as I mentioned, we took all of this knowledge, and we ran it through CytoSolve®, to organize the knowledge. And CytoSolve® is really a platform for discovery, it really is a very powerful platform that allows for the discovery of Scientific discoveries, because and we can do it faster and cheaper than even some of the major leading institutions, because we’re able to use a computer to mathematically model some of these Biochemical reactions. In fact, pretty much all Biochemical reactions we’re able to do.

Science By The People For The People

And if you go to VASHIVA.com, and you scroll down to, you’ll see a thing called where we’ve launched the Open Science Institute right here, which all of you can become a part of. And the research that we do comes from the contributions of all of you to support that. If you go there, and you click on it, you’ll see the different areas of research we’re doing. If you click on Cardiovascular Health, you can actually support the research you can Contribute.

And when you do, we actually give you many, many gifts, if you contribute $100 or more, you get different gifts, if you can contribute $25 or more. But we literally are very grateful to CytoSolve® and to the support you give. But when you support our research, we actually give you back a lot of things. Using CytoSolve®, we’ve looked at Sunflower Seeds and their health benefits.

The 33 Key Molecules in Sunflower Seeds

First, let’s begin what scientists have discovered in terms of what is in Sunflower Seeds. So, this part is the nutrients in Sunflower Seeds. There are 33 Key molecules, again, nutrients and Sunflower Seeds, we can focus on the 33 Key molecules. What are those 33 Key molecules? Let’s jump into this.

Composition – Macronutrients in Sunflower Seeds

First of all, when we talk about nutrients, we need to look at the nutrients in three ways: carbohydrates, proteins, and lipids. There’s 50 grams to 100 grams of, there’s 50 grams of carbohydrates to 100 grams of Sunflower Seeds. Quite a bit of fiber, look at that, 32 grams in 100 grams. Protein, 20 grams in 100 grams of Sunflower Seeds get quite a bit of protein. By the way, there’s a lot of studies showing that a human being at one sitting really can consume more than about 20 to 25 grams of protein. It’s quite a bit of protein.

Lipids, which are really what you can call fats, right. And this is there’s different types of lipids or fats, mono-unsaturated fats, polyunsaturated fats. If you look at Sunflower Seeds, it’s got 16 grams per 100 grams in terms of lipids in Sunflower Oil, for example. Saturated fats only 14% Very different than if you were to eat a steak. 60% or monounsaturated fatty acids, and PUFAs, polyunsaturated fatty acids 20%.

One of the points I want to make aware of is whenever you look at seed oils, you got to be very careful. They have a lot of Omega-sixes in them. And you have to be concerned about the Omega-three to Omega-six balance. Typically, you need more of the Omega-threes. So, if you’re going to do Seed oils, be very, very careful how much you consume. And note that they can have effects on your gallbladder if you consume a lot.

Many of the Seed oils also go rancid. I always, what I do is, if I ever have like flaxseed oil, I will typically drop some vitamin E in there, which is an antioxidant. And frankly put it in a refrigerator or freezer? Because these oils go rancid very, very quickly. And rancid oils are not good for health, they really clog up your gallbladder.

Composition – Micronutrients in Sunflower Seeds

So Micronutrients, there’s vitamins, minerals, phenolic compounds and amino acids, when we’re talking about nutrients and in Sunflower Seeds, and so if we look at the vitamins are Five Key Vitamins, vitamin A vitamin B1, which is also known as Thiamine by the vitamin A is beta carotene, vitamin B to riboflavin, vitamin C, ascorbic acid and vitamin E Tocopherol, so this is why vitamin E because of the Tocopherol, it’s probably very good as an anti plaque thing, right? Good for skin.

Composition – 5 Key Vitamins

Vitamin A, B1, B2, C, and D. Those are the first five of those 20 some odd molecules. The next is we have Five different Key Minerals, calcium, magnesium, look at the amount of magnesium. Magnesium is what is known as a calming as a calming mineral.

A majority of people, over, a majority people in the world have magnesium deficiencies. Magnesium is the thing that calms you down. You can get an Epsom salt, right? You can get it in certain foods you can look at, right? But Sunflower Seeds have about 390 milligrams in 100 grams, quite a bit of magnesium, potassium, again, quite a bit, zinc and iron. A very powerful source of these five key minerals.

And then when you look at the phenolic compounds, we have Caffeic acid, Ferulic acid, Sinapic acid, Gallic acid, and Protocatechuic acid, these are what are known as the different phenolic compounds that are in Sunflower Seeds.

Composition – 18 Key Amino Acids

And then finally, there are 18 Key amino acids. 18 Key amino acids, arginine, aspartic acid and glutamic acid are in very high numbers, you can see 0.4902, 50% of the total protein, or point 5, .6% and 1.2% of the glutamic acid. There’s still pretty good numbers of the other, but we talked about protein, it’s got a pretty good amino acid profile.

At the end of the day, when we look back at this, we go back to it here. I think there’s a mistake here. I said there’s five plus five is 10. 10 plus, actually, there’s five here, right? 15 plus 18.

There’s actually, 33 Key Molecules, nutrients in Sunflower Seeds, there’re 33 Key Molecules.

Composition – 5 Key Phenolic Compounds

And when you look at it here, you have the five here, you have another five here, and this is actually five. You have 5 phenolic compounds here, Caffeic, Ferulic, Sinapic, Gallic and Protocatechuic acid. So, it’s 15.

And they have 18 Key amino acids. That’s 33. So 33 different key molecules comprising the nutrients in Sunflower Seeds.

Yeah, Robin Doyle says, “18 Aminos.” I think we forget with all the vitamins out there, and we forget how many nutrients are in food.

One of the things I want to mention here is you can take free-form amino acids that are pharmaceutical grade. What we’re going to shortly show is that when you germinate seeds, you get essentially free form amino acids, they become much more, they essentially become like vitamin pills. We’ll talk about that. So, there you go.

Is Sunflower Seed Right For You? Your Body, Your System®

Now, one of the things I want to talk about is, we want to understand is Sunflower Seeds right for you? Not all foods are optimal for everyone. Everyone can consume a certain amount of different foods, but some people can do a lot of some food and others. If they have a certain food, they get allergic reactions, because all of our bodies are different.

Many years ago, after I finished my Fulbright, sorry, my PhD at MIT and went back to India. And I use my training as a PhD in Systems Biology to really look at Eastern Systems of Medicine. And I was able to make a bridge, the Eastern Systems of Medicine always look at Your Body as a System®, they look at it in a whole way. But I was able to develop a bridge and I created a tool called Your Body, Your System®.

Now we’re going to talk about Sunflower Seeds being right for you, using this tool, called Your Body, Your System®, which allows you to take a Systems Approach to food, and your body. You can go to the site called YourBodyYourSystem.com. If you’re interested in enrolling for it, if you become a Truth Freedom Health® Warrior, we actually give it away.

But I want to talk to you about this tool. And we’re going to look at analyzing Sunflower Seeds, but notice, it says Be Happy Be YOU®. Health begins with knowing the unique you, your body’s a unique System that needs the right inputs for the right conditions. Use this tool to know the unique you on your journey to Real Health and to understand the principles of all Systems. So, Your Body, Your System is a very powerful tool.

Every Friday, if you go look in our Events calendar, we have a nurse named Emily Cross, who actually does training. You’re welcome to take advantage of that. Let me go back here.

Let me go back here and look at it, and give you a quick explanation. In Systems Theory that we study in the West, everything in the Universe is composed of the forces of movement, Transport, right? That’s the movement of Transport. So, like the wind blowing, bowel movements, right, you can think about a car moving. Transport.

Conversions are the forces involved in converting things from one part to another part. Digestion is a Conversion process, you eat something, your body digests it, an engine in your car, you give it fuel, it converts it to mechanical motion, right?

The last aspect is called Storage. Storage is the aspect of the universe that contains things holding things together. If you make a bowl of oatmeal, it’s the bowl. The building, it’s the structure?

When you take the course, and you become a Warrior-Scholar, we have a whole foundational understanding of Systems we teach you, so take advantage of it. So, I’m just giving you a very, very quick version of this. Now, what I discovered was that in the Indian Systems of Medicine, they use the words Vata, Pitta and Kapha. And what I was able to find was that Vata, Pitta and Kapha are the same as Transport, Conversion, Storage is a pretty big discovery.

I published it in a major journal, there’s an article that you can find, but essentially, Transport is Vata, Conversion is Pitta, Storage is Kapha. And the Eastern Systems of Medicine, my grandmother, for example, would look at your face or your pulse diagnosis. And she would figure out how much Vata, Pitta and Kapha your body was composed of.

From a Western perspective, it means, how much movement or how much conversion or how much storage so for example, people who have big frames are considered more kapha or storage, people who are very good digestion or fast digestion would be high Pitta, right. Or people talk and move a lot are movement Vata, right.

But anyway, there’s a whole science to this. So, I created a tool. We’re in this triangle transport, conversion storage, the center denoting, 000, this has been 100% Transport 100%, Conversion, 100% Storage, or Vata, Pitta, Kapha, I was able to map a way that you could, you could literally find a series of questions, and from the series of questions, it would determine in this triangle where your body was located relative to this concept.

Your Body, the red dot could be here, here, here, here, can we move around, it doesn’t mean your red dots in the center, you’re better here, it just means this is who your System type is. The black dot denotes where you are right now. These 30 questions help you figure out your center point. And the black dot denotes where you are, on course or off course.

Someone says, “Do you know how to fix muscle twitching?”

If you have these twitches and things I, again, this is what I would do. I would look at your electrolytes in your body, potassium, sodium, right? Because when you have muscle mis-firings, it’s typically, just go look at electrolytes as your first thing. There could be many other things. Are you getting enough water and you’re drinking enough electrolytes, the sodium, the potassium, the mineral salts.

Using the Tool Your Body, Your System®

But anyway, the tool lets you figure this out, and then the tool actually will help you figure out how to bring that black dot back to you. What are the foods? What are the activities that will help you do that? It’s really a tool to help you see Your Body as a System, where you’re located. Here you are today, and how to bring your body back to balance for you.

And as Vaishali says, you can go to Your Body, Your System®, and you can take advantage of it. Now, those of you. What we did here, and I’ll get to that, so what we did was, imagine, this is where you are, what do Sunflowers do? Well, Sunflower Seeds broadly, they stabilize Vata/Movement.

That’s what this flatline here means? Sunflower Seeds stabilized Pitta or Conversion, right? They’re not going to affect your digestion, they’re not going to make you get indigestion. And then Sunflower Seeds, increase your Kapha/Storage, right? Because their fat, fat means you’re going to essentially, support increased fat.

One of our guys on our team took the Your Body, Your System quiz and his body type is here. And then he found out that based on what was going on that day, his he was disturbing, he was off course here. And then we have a tool in the Your Body, Your System, tool chest, this very powerful tool, you can actually play around, you can say what happens when I add Sunflower Seeds? Will seeing Sunflower Seeds move you towards storage, right? That’s exactly what they’re supposed to do.

But you can play with this tool that will help you figure out how different foods affect your body. And by the way, all of you if you sign up as a Truth Freedom Health® Warrior, you give a $100 contribution, you get this tool for free plus 20 or 15 other gifts. Okay, so take advantage of it.

When it comes to looking at Sunflower Seeds for you, we want to take a Personal Approach. Is it good for everyone? Obviously not because depending on your body’s profile, by and large, it looks like it has a lot of nutrients and is healthy, but there are issues that you should consider.

4 Issues to Consider with Sunflower Seeds

Now let’s talk about Problems with Sunflower Seeds. And the four issues you should consider: what are those four issues? Well, those four issues are, this happens if you have over consumption of Sunflower Seeds. Moderation is always good. Seeds, again, are very, very powerful nutrients. You have to be careful how much of them you eat. When I say how much it’s a function of input output. If you’re working out if you’re exercising and you’re using your body, obviously, you can consume more just from a caloric intake versus just sitting in front of a computer or TV all day, right?

Overconsumption itself is relative, but you can see some of the things that you want to be concerned about is skin rashes and acne. Kidney function. Chronic fatigue, there’s research shows that overconsumption leads to chronic fatigue, and mood swings. So obviously, the nutrients in Sunflower Seeds affect your mood, fatigue, kidney function, skin rashes, again, overconsumption.

Don’t take this to mean you should never eat Sunflower Seeds. But if and again, if you have a proclivity for these things, you should be concerned again, these are the four issues to consider when consuming Sunflower Seeds.

CytoSolve® Used to Build Better Products

One of the things that we’ve done, as I mentioned about CytoSolve®. CytoSolve®, is this very powerful tool, which allows us to take a function, let’s say Inflammation, take a function like chronic fatigue, or mood swings, or kidney disturbances, or periodontal disease, pretty much any disease and using CytoSolve®, we’re able to mathematically model the disease, and then, or the Biomolecular Functions and take inputs of food. Without killing animals, we can test CytoSolve®, most recently, to make it very practical for about over 15 years. We’ve been helping many, many companies look at their food products or their vitamins and figure out if they work or not?

Some people don’t like to hear and we say your stuff doesn’t work. You’re putting too much of this or too little. But about two years ago, we said with all the work we’ve done, why don’t we look at pain and inflammation, mathematically model it and we went through many, many, many different ingredients that are out there. Natural ingredients, and we said which combinations would have a very powerful effect on lowering pain and discomfort and we discovered a product called mV25™. This is my sort of sharing this knowledge with you.

We’ve never been in the supplement production business but because we had all of this technology, we said instead of waiting for one of these companies to do it, we did it. We found a set of ingredients that have a very powerful effect on reducing pain and inflammation. I’m going to grab some water. And as I do that, I’m just going to play you a quick Scientific report on mV25™.

How to Get mV25™

All right, if you want to get mV25™, you can go right to let me just give the link here. You go to mV25.life where’s that; Here you go. If you go to mV25.life, you can get it there. And right here, you can also go to our shop right there. And you can go right to the shop, and you can order it. That’s about mV25™.

Attack on Freedom – Constraints on Medical Doctors

We’ve talked about Science, the components in Sunflower Seeds. But now we want to talk about an important fact that will hopefully compel you to recognize that you may have to go educate your doctors, right. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s really the fault of Medical Doctors. It’s a Medical School education because of the effect of Big Pharma and the constraints on doctors. But you’ll find out that most doctors are trained to prescribe medicine but not really provide you nutritional guidance.

Nutrition. Reductionist Narrative in Scientific and Media Establishment

In fact, the nutritional quote unquote, experts that are out there on YouTube and so on, who don’t have a Systems Approach. They’ll constantly give you conflicting advice. And then the media coverage of Nutrition has always for example, fat is bad fat is good, right?

And you’ll typically find out here’s an interesting meme. I spent years studying nutrition in Medical School. And the meme says, said no medical doctor ever, you’ll never see your medical doctor saying I spent years studying nutrition in medical school. They’re typically the goals people are trained by the pharma guys about drugs. And don’t ask me for nutrition advice.

Less than 70% of doctors receive nutrition classes in medical school, and those that do experience a measly 24 hours of class time on the subject.

Taxes Easier than Eating Healthy

The other thing is, you’ll find out that this is very interesting. Half of those polled believe it is easier to do their taxes than to figure out how to eat healthfully. So, 52% polled said it’s easier to do their taxes, which is not an easy thing than to figure out what to eat. For example, you have this guy out there, on one video, he says, “Why I love kale.”

Then he also talks about problems with eating kale. This sends mixed messages, because he’s not giving the substantive reasons from a Systems standpoint.

Will red meat kill me? What’s so great about kale? organic or not? You have all this confusion out there. And that’s why when we take a Molecular Systems Approach, you go down below the hood, you start understanding what’s in these things, how the nutrients, as we went through mV25™, how things combine, you get a much more holistic idea of what’s going on. That’s why we want to take a Systems Approach.

Nutritional Differences Between Raw or Sprouted Sunflower Seeds

Now, let’s get down to the nutritional difference between Raw and Sprouted Sunflower Seeds. And now we’re going to talk about what are the nutritional differences between raw and sprouted Sunflower Seeds.

Ken Fielding says, “CytoSolve® is amazing and eliminates animal testing.” That’s what it does.

Food Processing Methods

Now let’s go to the differences between Raw and Sunflower Seeds. I like to begin. And this is probably one of the important parts I want everyone to listen to, is that there are many Systems of food processing.

8 Different Ways- Thermal and Non-Thermal

In fact, there are eight big ways of food processing – eight different ways. And they’re broadly broken out into two different ways. This is something that is not discussed, but we should discuss it here. What are the eight different ways and the two big areas, thermal and non-thermal, thermal and non-thermal.

Steaming

There’s thermal meaning, where you can steam, roast fry or boil. I mean, there’s other ways but these are sort of the, think about when you cook, right, you’re applying heat and using steam to me, Steaming is a wonderful way to cook your preserving nutrients. It’s also, if you’re eating plants, it’s breaking it down.

Roasting

You can digest the cellulose. Roasting, some people like roasting, frying, right, and then boiling. So those are where you’re applying heat, thermal. So those four different ways of ensuring that some people may say there’s microwaving right, or inductive heating, there’s a number of different ways. But these are the four ways.

Soaking

The non-thermal ways are soaking, believe it or not, that’s another way to process food, you can take nuts and just leave them overnight, or 18 hours just soak them. It’s different from germinating.

Germination

Germination is where you actually wait, you soak them. And then you may soak them for 10 hours, you take the stuff out of the water, and you put it in like a cheesecloth and you hang it. And that’s where it starts sprouting. Okay, different from soaking.

Fermentation

The next process is Fermentation. You can take for example, seeds or rice or whatever it is, you soak it, and then you may grind it. And then you may keep it in a relatively warm place for another 24 hours still, until it uses the natural bacteria and starts fermenting.

Mechanical

And the other thing is mechanical, think about how you can take food and blend it when you make a smoothie. Right? You’re just blending it, or you take a mortar and pestle. So you want to think about this. And just let me just help you look at this. These are the two major ways but the eight different ways you can process food.

I want you to look at that because depending on how you process food, you can get very, very different outcomes, right? Frying obviously is not a great thing to do under certain conditions, right? And other conditions some people say may be more beneficial. And then the same with germination is very different from fermentation.

If you have animals and you notice your animals take food, sort of disgusting, but you know when I had Huskies or if you have wolf type animals, they’ll take food and they’ll bury it. And then I’ll go dig it out there literally letting the food ferment. And what is fermentation? Fermentation is literally pre digestion.

If you look at your stomach as a vessel in Traditional Medicines, one the ways that you want to eat is that the more that you can pre-digest the food, you make it easier on your body. You’re getting food that’s pre-digested. You’re not putting out a lot of energy to digest that food. But anyway, it’s very important to keep this in mind.

Thermal Food Processing

There are different methods of food processing, not all methods are the same. All right. For example, to go a little bit deeper, steaming on a thermal side is typically for 10 minutes, 100 degrees, where you essentially steam it for five to 10 minutes. Roasting is 120 to 160 degrees for 20 to 30 minutes Frying is typically you do an oil 180, there’s some dry, or air fryers, right 180 to 190 degrees 10 to 15 minutes. And boiling, where you put the food in the water, Steaming is not in the water for 10 to 15 minutes. These are the different thermal processes.

Non-Thermal Food Processing

Soaking so let’s discuss the soaking if you leave it in water for up to 20 minutes to 16 hours. Very different process germination, now this includes soaking, sprouting, and then drying at room temperature for up to 24 to 48 hours.

I may do sort of just a sprouting training but you let’s say you take your Sunflower Seeds, you get some water, soak it in there, right for let’s say a day, then you take the seeds out, throw away the water, you get cheesecloth, put the seeds in there, then you hang the cheesecloth for a day or two days until you see the sprouts growing, that is actually known as germination or sprouting.

Depends on how you like your food. Depends on how you like it. And then the other process is Fermentation. This is where you expose the food to microorganisms with minimal water for up to 40-72 hours. And this is usually after it’s ground up.

Think about wine as a fermented food. Beer is not, beer is typically heated. Here, you do not heat it, there’s no heating or pasteurization. You’re soaking. Some people soak, they germinate and then they ferment, which means you ground up the soaked or germinated items, and then you expose it. And then with minimal water for up to four to 72 hours.

Mechanical chopping, trimming, peeling, crushing, slicing, sieving and pressing. If you go look at cold pressed oils, the oil is cold pressed, right it’s pressed down. It’s not fermented, germinated or so. So again, why am I sharing this with you, I want you to understand that how we process food affects the Systemic nature of the food.

How Does Sprouting Affect Sunflower Seed Nutrition – The 3 Key Measures

Now, let’s go do our research. What we discovered, “How does Sprouting affect Sunflower Seed nutrition. And here are the three key measures. How does Sprouting affect Sunflower Seed nutrition? And here are the three key measures. Let’s look at it.

Phytic Acid

The first is the effect of Sprouting, you can measure by the level of phytic acid. Now phytic acid is not something, you want to be careful of phytic acid is what the plant actually produces, right to protect itself right? From critters. If you were to just consume it, you need to know that the phytic acid can have an effect on leaching minerals from your body doesn’t mean it’s all bad.

But you want to keep that phytic acid level low. You can see right here; our research showed about 180 milligrams of phytic acid in 100 grams for raw under 80 milligrams. But in germinated this literally drops by nearly a half as you can see that more than half So germinating lowered the phytic acid, a molecule that blocks mineral uptake, in Sunflower Seeds, germinated Sunflower Seeds have 64% lower phytic acid than that of Raw Sunflower Seeds.

So just ponder that. When you germinate, you reduce the phytic acid level. So that means your body can use the foods and you don’t lower your mineral uptake. This is why if you look at a lot of vegetarians, people say wow, vegetarian doesn’t look too healthy. While traditional cultures have learned that if you’re going to be a vegetarian, you better process food right. And one of the things you want to do is lower the phytic acid.

Debra Hill says, What about soaking? Yeah, good point, Deborah.

Depends on how, if you soak for eight hours, and there’s other studies done on this, and then you throw away the water and you clean it that will lower phytic acid but they’re not to the level of sprouting, but definitely soaking is better.

I typically will take almonds, soak them overnight and then peel them and crush them and eat them. It lowers phytic acid. If you have a little more time, you could sprout it. Well, we’re talking about sprouting today.

Minerals

Now minerals, the second key measure. Now look at this, look at the level of minerals in Raw and Germinated, it’s quite a profound difference. So magnesium, there’s 3.3 times more. Mineral availability, increased sprouted Sunflower Seeds 1.25 to two 3.3 times, okay? If you look at calcium, that’s about two and a half times more, potassium 1.25 times more. Iron about two and a half times more, and zinc about two and a half times more.

Vitamins

And then if you go there, you can look at what happens when you have magnesium, calcium, potassium, and vitamins. The vitamins here in Sunflower Seed, you can see are particular if you look at the iron and the zinc, and potassium there about 1.5, 1.5, 2 and a half times more. You basically have a lot more of the vitamins, minerals, and the phytic acid in Sunflower Seeds.

Now, How much Sunflower Seeds should we have? And what does current science say about them? Right? How much should we have?

Someone says, “Dr. Shiva is a big fan of mortar and pestle.” Yeah, I love a mortar and pedestal, if you’ve been over to my house, Ken has. I love mortar and pestle.

What the Current Science Says

How much Sunflower Seeds and what is the current science say about this? How much Sunflower Seeds should we have? Okay, dosage. What does the current science say? Well, it depends on what you’re trying to work.

Dosaging for Sunflower Seeds

But this is based on the current research, right? If you’re trying to work on obesity, right, lowering weight, about 500 milligrams per day of Sunflower Seed extract that’s from (Leverrier et al., 2014). For skin, for supporting your skin and protecting, let’s say your skin, you can take about six drops of Sunflower Seeds oil daily, and that’s literally on the skin.

This is the research so if you want it for lowering weight, about 500 milligrams per day, you can get the seed extract, and about Sunflower Seeds for the skin barrier.

What CytoSolve® Research Reveals

We’ve also noticed that if you take sprouted Sunflower Seeds containing two times to four times more phenolic acid, sprouted Sunflower Seeds have 2.52x more antioxidant activity. Sprouted Sunflower Seeds contain 56% Less phytic acid, and sprouted Sunflower Seeds contain 1.2 to two and a half times more minerals.

That’s one of the important things to understand. Sunflower Seeds have more phenolic acid, more antioxidant activity, less phytic acid and more minerals. And this was in a report we published a couple of years ago. Bottom line, you can eat less of Sprouted Sunflower Seeds, and you get more nutrition.

Are All Sunflower Seeds Good? Organic vs. Conventional

Another question? Are all Sunflower Seeds good, organic versus conventional? Well, the answer to this is organic Sunflower seeds are preferred over the conventional conventionally grown, the organic sunflower seeds had a higher total antioxidant activity compared to the conventional samples.

And because of their high oil content, that’s what we gotta remember oil, oil oil. That’s what Sunflower Seeds have the lipids. Sunflower Seeds easily absorb these pesticides that end up in our body. One of the things is we have to understand water soluble versus fat soluble. If you take like B vitamins are water soluble, they go through and you piss it out, right. But if you eat too much of the fat-soluble vitamins or vitamin E or the fat-soluble things, they hold on to other things, and they are stored for longer, longer time in your body.

Obviously if you have pesticides, and their and your pesticide ridden Sunflower Seeds, you’re gonna get more of that being stored in your body. So bottom line organic farming produces healthier products, free of pesticides.

C.L.E.A.N. & R.A.W. Certification

One of the things I want to mention is if you go to the stores, you’ll find the seal Certified C.L.E.A.N.® and Certified R.A.W®. We’re very proud of these two seals. It’s what came out of our Systems research and Certified C.L.E.A.N.® and Certified R.A.W® mean is a food safe, was it minimally processed, and the bioavailability of nutrients and you’ll see this out there.

Summary

In Summary, Sunflower Seeds are an excellent source of essential nutrients and Sunflower Seeds provide numerous benefits including cardio-protective, skin-protection, metabolic health, improved digestion, pain relief, etc. And the other thing is Sunflower Seeds enhance, Sprouting Sunflower Seeds enhance their nutritional benefits.

How, because, one of the ways is that harmful chemicals like phytic acid are lowered and Sprouted Sunflower Seeds, the phenolic compound levels are higher in sprouted Sunflower Seeds. And the antioxidant activity is also higher.

Again, when you look at those nutrients in Sunflower Seeds, just to repeat, many benefits – cardio-protective, skin- protection, metabolic health, improved digestion and pain relief.

The Power of Systems Science

In closing, what I want to recommend is we’ve taken an approach to looking at this question of which, whether sprouted is better than Raw by a whole System’s Approach. We looked at the Science, then we looked at the nutritional attitudes that are stopping the free discourse discussing this. Doctors and Big Pharma really don’t discuss it and then we ended with the Health Benefits.

The Foundations of Systems Curriculum

This approach, the System’s Approach is what we do every week in the Foundation of Systems course. I keep hammering that away. I want all of you guys to take a Systems Approach, go to TruthFreedomHealth.com, let me put up that banner, or VASHIVA.com/join and learn how to look at the world from a Systems Approach, not from a Reductionist Approach.

And there you go. And I’m going to play a video that I always like to end with. That’ll give you a whole System’s Approach. But before I do that, let me see if there’s any questions.

Maria says. “Thank you for sharing all your health knowledge, Truth Freedom Health®, love their fermented foods, and bring us better health.”

Someone says garbage in garbage out their benefit is determinant on the medium that they’re grown in. Excellent.

Yes, someone says, “When you soak overnight, the brown skin slips off like a glove.” Exactly, Eva. Even with almonds, you can do it, you take off the skin, and then you can get more. More nutrition that way.

Sprouting equals bioavailability of minerals. Exactly! You nailed it. Also, someone said you get more plant sterols. Excellent.

Yes. Someone says, “What about roasting them in the oven.” So, Marianne, good question. Later on, this week, or next week, I’ll be looking at the difference between Sprouted and Roasting. One of the things Marian, I think you’re bringing up is if you’re going to eat Nuts and Seeds, and you’re storing them, note that many of the nuts and seeds will get mold, fungus. And it’s very simple. So you can, roasting is good, right?

I always if you’re going to soak them, put a little bit of sea salt overnight, soak it and throw away the water, but you want to be mindful of that. Nuts and Seeds are very delicate. Once they’re taken from that husk. When you go to food stores today, they crack them. A lot of people don’t have nutcrackers anymore, right? Or they’re lazy, and they don’t want to do that. But that’s a good way to protect what’s inside.

But if they’re already open, just be mindful of that and be aware that you need to process them properly. Alright, so I hope this is valuable.

Again, we take a Systems Approach here at VA Shiva, as a part of our Truth Freedom Health® movement. And as I close, I always like to play our anthem video, which will hopefully inspire you all to go to VASHIVA.com/join. And do this for yourself because we need to create a Movement, a Science which we have, and we need to have a Community. And that’s what we’ve done with our movement for Truth Freedom Health®. Let me end with this video. And I hope to see all of you there.

Be well. Be the light. Thank you.

Closing

Alright everyone, I hope you have a good evening. I hope this is valuable and keep an eye out because what we’ve been doing on social media is I do these long lives, but we also are producing small sub versions of it that are also more consumable. You can also share with your friends and family. Keep an eye out for that and Be well.

Have a good night. Thank you.

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Fake Sith TCW Trio

I have another fucked up time-travel AU! Who’s surprised? (Nobody.)

So like. Have you guys read that one fic where Luke and his students go back in time and pretend to be Sith Lords and are super hammy about it? (Sith Lord Swell by AMournfulHowlInTheNight)

This AU has contributions by @atagotiak, @the-lunar-system, @purronronner, @gelpenss, @creepingthroughthistidalwave, and @thisarenotarealblog.

I want TCW trio (plus Rex and Cody) to go back to several years pre-TPM and, since the Council DEFINITELY won't believe them about the Sith being back... they'll force the issue.

Anakin is weirdly excited about things and building up their backstory.

Anakin: Okay so I can definitely be a Maul type, with the unhinged ranting and manic laughter, Obi-Wan can be the whole Refined Rich Guy type like Dooku, where you can't even tell he's evil until he starts talking about getting out the eyeball scoops, maybe toss in a bit of mad science stuff? Ahsoka could play up like Ventress OR, oh oh, she can be the Light Side Child we need to PROTECT who's publicly begging us to return to the Light after our big dramatic Falls where we murdered like eighty people to save her, and-- Obi-Wan: Why are you never this enthusiastic about actual undercover missions. Ahsoka: Did you just have all this ready to go, or...? Anakin: WE COULD GET YELLOW CONTACT LENSES FOR ME.

Obi-Wan: How's my evil laugh?

Anakin going “Okay.. so if any of us need to murder someone to sell the bit it should be me, I think I could handle it the best. Why? No reason.”

Obi-Wan: I'm not sure a complete Fall could come from protecting Ahsoka, really-- Anakin: No, no, it could.

Obi-Wan: Surely you’d hold back because you realize neither of us want that for you. Anakin: Uh. Sure. Definitely.

Obi-Wan points out that none of them can channel the dark side to Prove they're Sith and Anakin just goes "Okay, give me like two seconds to stew in my negativity and--right, you can stop staring in horror, please."

Anakin rambles on that they can TOTALLY make the galaxy a better place while playing at being Sith! He's got a whole LIST of slave empires to "take over" and disassemble!

Anakin has a whole excited spiel about how EVIL soldiers and assistants are minions, in this case partly because Cody and Rex are too good at what they do to be mooks. Cody could pull off evil minion very well. Facial scar? Looks good in black? Quietly competent and sarcastic?

He also pushes for Obi-Wan to lounge in a fancy throne with a glass of wine while Anakin stalks the shadows and Ahsoka hangs out on the window ledge. The disaster lineage is dramatic, okay, Anakin’s just leaning into it, he’d appreciate it if everyone stopped looking at him like that.

Qui-Gon, surprisingly, ends up a skeptic about all of this. Everyone is freaking out about the Sith and he’s like “y’know I’m not even sure they’re darksiders.”

Some Jedi, possibly Qui-Gon for his conspiracy board, gets in a real risky situation and one of the Fake Sith saves them, but also panics and kinda drops character for a bit.

Jedi: You saved me! Why’d you do that? Anakin: I uh... just wanted the pleasure of killing you myself?

"You saved me. Why?" "Mmmm. Jedi." [walks away]

Qui-Gon: [trying to figure out what is up with these people semi-competently (from his perspective) pretending to be Sith] Dooku: [trying to protect Qui-Gon from Sith influence]

The gang is the most successful at pretending to be Sith to Dooku. Sure, they’re not gonna punish him for something he hasn’t done, but it’s not hard to act menacing and angry around him.

(They really do have so much fun irritating the heck out of Dooku. He hasn’t Fallen yet, but they want to keep an eye out.)

At some point, future Obi-Wan definitely drops that little tidbit of "What, you didn't think the Banites were the only Sith running around did you? You... didn't even know about the Banites. How... disappointing."

They REGULARLY use Ahsoka as an excuse to be marginally less terrible. They claim that if Ahsoka pouts, they stop. ‘Soka also uses them as an excuse for why she’s a lil feral. (To be fair, that one is accurate. She was already a lil feral before but it’s not like they did anything to stop it.) Ahsoka gets her "breaking into people's offices" jollies by bugging Nute Gunray's office.

The Jedi keep trying to Rescue Ahsoka.

Rex and Cody end up in real beskar, there's a whole Thing with Mandalore and Jango and Satine.

Obi-Wan is CONSISTENTLY worried about Anakin Falling for real, which... hey, at least he knows to be worried about Anakin Falling. Step up from canon, really.

Anakin is WAY too into killing the Hutts but like. It does... technically sell the bit.

Obi-Wan: Sure, I’m not sad that they’re dead, especially because we’re not connected to the Republic, so we don’t need to worry about starting a war and all that. But. Anakin is disturbingly cheerful about this. Rex: Wasn't he a Hutt slave? Obi-Wan: Well yes, but-- Rex: I'd kill Nala Se if I could get away with it.

Cody and Rex are very supportive of Anakin's murderous intentions.

Obi-Wan does understand anger, even killing someone in anger. Like Maul (the first time at least) and D’nar and a few others. All the same, like... y’know. The level of bloodthirst from the others is a little off-putting.

At one point, Anakin accidentally addresses young Obi-Wan by name, despite never having met before, and to cover it up, he... panic-flirts. He panics, and so he flirts, with young Obi-Wan.

(He will later blame this on old Obi-Wan, because he had to pick up the habit of flirting with the enemy from somewhere.)

Anakin vaguely implies that he's a wee bit obsessed with young Obi, and that the padawan should "get used to being the target of a dark-sider's interests," because he’s scrambling for Ominous Shit and, well, future Obi-Wan was pretty frequently a fixation point for darksiders, right?

The second he gets out, he just starts screaming into a bucket while Rex pats him on the back.

For the next however many terrible months, possibly years, he has to keep up the act while having an ongoing meltdown about how That's My Dad As A Twenty-Something.

(It doesn't help that young Obi-Wan reflexively flirted back.)

Old Obi-Wan, meanwhile, is just very "you dug this hole yourself, padawan."

There is an argument at the beginning about Obi-Wan’s outfit. If he’s gonna be a Sith, he can’t just go around in beige, but he’s like “I like this and it’s comfy.” Sure, he’s changed clothes for undercover stuff, but that’s always been temporary, y’know? He likes his beige.

We have a number of options.

My first instinct? Beige linen three piece suit, like a southern lawyer. "Now I may just be a simple Outer Rim force adept--"

And, of course, you can TOTALLY make the beige sinister: he’s impersonating a Jedi! Jedi impersonation would also explain why nobody has a red saber.

“Sure is good that the Jedi don’t seem to realize most of the galaxy doesn’t know red sabers are different and bad.” “Shhhh, stop poking holes in our story where a Jedi might overhear.”

Like.... if you do enough doublethink, it works! How would a Sith hide? In plain sight. Also, it’s a GREAT way (if they were actually assholes) to try to slander the Jedi name.

(Anakin and Ahsoka still think he could stand to put a little more effort in. Add a splash of color, for pity's sake!)

Though tbh part of me is like “What if Old Obi wore, like... a split skirt suit...” Victorian womenswear inspired because he misses his robes, but he has to look Professional, and like he's MOCKING Jedi instead of BEING one, so he wears a vintage-y split skirt thing over his leggings. Ends up looking a lot like what Ventress had for a while, but Beige. I also keep wanting to put him regency menswear.

Anyway. Obi-Wan’s wardrobe aside...

Anakin builds up his Tatoo accent again. It helps him with the (mostly true) "slavery helped me fall" backstory.

Either Cody or Rex offhandedly mentions being made to serve them (the Fake Sith) and now the Jedi are somewhat concerned about brainwashing. Are these Mandos the victims here?

“No like. Literally made for this. In a lab.” This is even more horrifying. So...

On the one hand good! The Jedi should be scared about Sith! On the other hand... it makes the Jedi more determined to stop them, specifically. They keep on getting in the way, just, all the time, and they’re not investigating the actual Sith problem, which is decidedly not great since the Team doesn’t actually know who’s a real Sith right now, except Maul, and who even knows where that guy is.

Obi-Wan, at some point: Do you think we've succeeded at this ruse... a little TOO well? Anakin: I don't follow. Obi-Wan, gesturing at the truly obnoxious amount of wealth they've collected, including "trophies" of their kills: Really? Because I'm a little worried! Anakin, planning out a battle to take on Nar Shadda: ...I'm not.

"How many people do we realistically we need to take over Hutt Space? Apparently... five."

(Mostly because Anakin is ridiculously op.)

ANAKIN AND YOUNG OBI GET KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES TOGETHER. It's tradition.

Anakin: Okay, so, I need to get really angry about something to pass as a Sith... time to think about my WIFE and how I'll NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

Since Anakin’s life never goes as planned... this does not work. Instead of getting properly angry, he makes himself sad. There are tears. There is wailing. There’s a distraught rant or two. Young Obi ends up awkwardly trying to comfort him.

“Oh no, this… Sith?? Is crying on me. What do I do???”

Later on, when the Council wants intel: "So... one of the Sith cried on me about his wife. I think she's dead? He wasn't very clear about it but it, uh... it sounded like it might have contributed to his Fall. Also the relationship was a little unhealthy? He basically worshiped the ground she walked on and kept ranting about how he would have given her the galaxy on a platinum platter of she'd only asked, but that might be new and inspired by the Dark."

One of the random Jedi is REALLY good at detecting the truth Through The Force, and asks Anakin how he Fell...

Anakin just. Tells the Tuskens story.

They don't get pinged as lying, but oh boy does old Obi have a LOT of questions for Anakin once they're in private.

There are other things happening to help sell the ruse. Some of them are necessary! Some of them are... not.

Obi-Wan: What's the best way to show we're rich and kind of evil, but like... classy about it? Anakin, immediately: I sit on the floor next to the throne, leaning against it, and you call me pet names while stroking my hair, and then when you need something killed I get to do it for you and then I go back to the floor and you thank me for the directed violence, and then you go back to Negotiations with criminals while I’m sitting there covered in blood. Obi-Wan: ...is there something you want to TELL us, or...?

"You're all going to get a glimpse of something normally kept hidden about me." "Anakin, you don't have to do that." "No, I'm gonna."

(Anakin has decided hes going to peel his kink tomato to sell this ruse, and the others are slightly uncomfortable with that.)

Anakin: Okay, I cannot keep flirting with you. Young Obi: Wait, what? But that's the best part of any time we run into you! Anakin: You look WAY too much like my Master did when I met him. Obi: O...kay? If someone looked like my master when HE was young, I'd-- Anakin: My Sith Master half-raised me. He's basically my dad. Obi: ... Anakin: What's that look for? Obi: I mean, you spend a lot of time lounging at his feet, and, like, given how much you hate slavery, I... kind of assumed it was a kink thing? Anakin, brightly: Oh no, I just have a LOT of trauma. And neuroses. Snips says they’re neuroses.

Young Obi is a little upset because he was actually getting REALLY into Flirting With The Enemy and was hoping it would go somewhere. He mopes to Qui-Gon about it. Qui-Gon isn't sure whether to be proud about Obi breaking rules, or worried over Obi-Wan falling for a Fake Sith.

(As Tia put it: "You enjoy making young Obi-Wan have a completely unrequited crush on Anakin, don’t you?")

Fortunately, one of those attractive Young Mando boys very kindly helped him tape up his ribs this one time, and has thus caught his eye...

I feel like having Cody date Young Obi would court an entirely different kind of (internet) drama because clone ages, but whatever.

Also please imagine an element of "so I'm dating the genetic identical of my boss... who's dating the man I'm a genetic identical of..."

(It's probably not actually Jangobi but man would that be funny and also stupid.)

Somehow Young Obi figures out that the "Sith Master" is a future him before he realizes that they're not actually dark. In his defense, Anakin was pretty convincing. Especially with the wife rant. It makes HIM more obsessed with Anakin, in a reversal of the implied earlier dynamic, which is all kinds of weird. Less romantic but like. Still weird.

"Future Me Scares Me" with Extra stupid. "Future Me Annoys Me." "Future Me acts like grandmaster Dooku, but more sass." "Future Me raised a really hot evil guy that refuses to bang Present Me." "Future Me might be a Sith, but I'm getting more and more convinced he's just fucking with us all." "Future Me is really rocking that beard, and I can't BELIEVE we figured out a way around the babyface."

"I’m kinda concerned about the whole evil thing, but I’m also glad that I know I’ll stay hot as I get older."

Quinlan approves of the priorities.

Also a lot of interactions with older Obi are very Anakin: [does/says something deeply unhinged] Obi-Wan: So, do you want to…. Talk about that? Maybe? Anakin: What’s there to talk about?? I’m fine, everything’s fine! Anyways how about those plans for tracking down Maul?

Anakin later, like way after the ruse is lifted, just blankly tells everyone that he did Fall, once, and Older Obi made him get therapy about it after the truth came out between the two of them a few months into the Fake Sith thing.

Where'd they find a therapist? I'm sure there's one SOMEWHERE around. Denon and Herdessa are close enough, and they've done enough "your criminal empire now belongs to me" that they can pay well. They make sure to find one that takes confidentiality real seriously.

It's all very "we need some more time to unpack all that."

Therapy helps get Anakin to figure out Sheev’s whole deal. They don't necessarily figure out he’s a Sith from it, but they figure out he’s sketchy and they need to look into that more. Obi-Wan probably already thought he was sketchy, but the whole active gaslighting campaign was a little surprising. They realize that he kinda benefited a lot from a lot of Sith plots and they still probably don’t think he’s a Sith but Obi-Wan is definitely starting to think he’s working with one.

"Okay, we're already bugging Gunray, should we bug Palpatine just to be safe?"

They get away with a lot of slicing because Anakin is a technical genius from twenty years in the future.

The reasons they're so good at Taking Over Hutt Space: 1. They know parts of the future. 2. They have superpowers and FAR less reason to not use them, now that their actions aren't going to reflect on the Republic. 3. They have Cody and Rex, who are two of the greatest military minds in the galaxy, and know EXACTLY how to wage a war that covers a solid third of the galaxy, starting from a position of relative weakness. 4. Anakin's charisma is scary high, and his knowledge of slave culture means they gain a lot of trust from the people they free, and they just... keep acquiring volunteers for the army they didn't plan to have. Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do. He thinks they might have started a cult?

In his defense, Dooku sort of started a cult, and Komari got kidnapped by a cult, brainwashed into joining it properly, and then took it over as head figure of said cult. It's practically tradition!

Comics Vader is the central figure of like three different cults, it was really just inevitable.

Anakin: Aw, don't worry master, it's not a cult, it's a revolution! Ahsoka: They're worshiping him, though. Anakin: ...it's still a revolution! Just... with some misunderstandings.

Also, if they got wind of people trying to keep people from being able to leave and other culty stuff like that, they’d probably put a stop to it pretty damn quick.

Names! Time for names. As per usual, it's easiest to keep track of Obi-Wan's alternate Older Self by just calling him Ben.

Darth Ben.

Ahsoka: You should be Darth Boring. Obi-Wan: I can still make you run laps, you know.

Anakin: The Force is telling me to call myself Darth Vader. Obi-Wan: ...why? Anakin: I dunno, but it sounds cool, I'll run with it.

Someone: Ben has all the answers; we shouldn’t question him, ever. Ben: One time I lost a planet, and a five-year-old found it for me.

More options: Going with the "evil word with the prefix 'in' chopped off" that we get with Sidious and Vader: Darth Surrectus (as in insurrection) Just random Latin words: Darth Temporus (time) Darth Commenticius (fake)

Anyway, back to Nonsense:

Maul goes after young Obi early, because the Fake Sith are really invested in this one random Padawan (Sidious is saying he might be a cousin of the false Sith Master? They do look similar enough) so someone needs to investigate. Naturally, Anakin shows up with some wild screeching to fight Maul, and when someone questions why he got involved it gets very "Kenobi is MINE!" and like. Okay. So.

Anakin means it in a very Sith "to toy with" and "to torture" way, or the ‘my chosen opponent!’ way, just the same kind of Obsession as Maul had with Obi-Wan in the original timeline. Unfortunately, Anakin’s a weird-ass person who flirts with Young Obi against his own better judgement, so there's some awkward "Like... your boyfriend?" from young Obi. Anakin just screeches in SOME emotion that nobody wants to interpret, and couldn't even if they wanted to, and starts whacking away at Maul again.

(Anakin hasn't explained the "you look exactly like my dad, sorry, it's just too weird" thing yet, and he is HAVING MANY REGRETS.)

There's definitely at least one instance where a person asks Anakin if he's planning on dating That One Jedi Twink, or at least banging out the tension. At that point in time, Anakin doesn't actually know who the fuck they're talking about, because "Obi-Wan + Twink = Does Not Compute" for dear, dense Ani, and instead he just ends up ranting about how he is LOYAL TO THE MEMORY OF HIS LATE WIFE, how DARE anyone so much as INSINUATE that he would TARNISH HER PERFECT MEMORY and UNWAVERING KINDNESS and WHOLESOME BEING, and the person who asked doesn't end up lightsabered but they do end up with a LOT to tell whoever they're reporting to.

Young Obi-Wan definitely hears Anakin mutter the phrase “something to discuss with my therapist later” a few times, and he’s a little bewildered because darksiders definitely don’t seem like the type of people to go to therapy. They’re the type of people to need therapy, sure, but not the type to go to therapy.

I think it would be very fun for Young Obi to continue sighing over Anakin (who's pretending to be fine with it and even flirting back because he's in too deep to stop and hasn't worked up the courage to explain the elephant in the room) while Anakin is covered in grease and infodumping while having a slightly manic hyperfocus on engine repairs while the two of them Somehow got stranded together in the middle of bumfuck nowhere (it's Plagueis's doing, he finds the interactions between THESE two in particular to be the most informative regarding the fake Sith).

Anakin, at some point while stranded with young Obi-Wan, and having actually started unpacking some stuff in therapy, though he’s def still got a ways to go: I’m pretty sure Ben cares about me. He acts like he cares, like he’ll do stuff like put extra blankets in my quarters in the spaceship because I get cold real easily or track down those droid parts I need for a project and he always has my back in a fight but y’know it’d be nice to hear him say he loves me once in a while. Especially because we kinda had a rough start and idk I don’t think he wanted me around at first.

And uh. Obi-Wan definitely relates to that a bit too much, y’know?

I want to say that Young Obi ends up mentioning All That to one of the clones or Ahsoka later, because they seem probably invested in Anakin's well-being, even if Ben is, well, a Sith, so Obi-Wan's a little worried the man's affection really is fake, but at least Ahsoka...

(Ironic, given what Anakin's actual eventual Sith would-be-Master was like.)

Young Obi mentions Anakin’s most recent rant to Ahsoka, and she just goes "Wait, is that why Skyguy likes to sit by the throne and get called pet names?" "Uh... I don't... know... but it sounds like all of you have a LOT to unpack there, Miss Apprentice."

Later on: "Master Kenobi, you need to tell Skyguy you love him 'cause apparently he's been having a lot of emotions about you not telling him you care and he's been talking to mini-you about it whenever they get stuck together and--"

Young Obi-Wan is just constantly the "Now we don't have time to unpack all of that" John Mulaney gif. Anakin in particular is a mess, and young Obi-Wan slowly goes from "I want to date that" to "I want to study that" about him.

Obi-Wan gets stuck somewhere with Ben, tries to small talk, gets on the topic of Vader, and spills the drama. He gets an awkward “Thank you for bringing that to my attention.”

It’s followed by a fairly frustrated “I try, but Anakin refuses to communicate his needs to me, and it feels like I’m always falling short.”

At least one member of the group is in therapy, probably all of them, but they’re still using young Obi as a sounding board for all this stuff. On the bright side, this is probably good for impressing the importance of good communication on Obi-Wan.

Good for Obi-Wan! And... whatever Padawan he eventually has.

As for baby Anakin, who is approximately age four, I want to go with "Anakin decides to be his own uncle, and Shmi just rolls with it because fuck it, she’s not a slave anymore, and a Fake Sith is a solid defense against anyone trying to re-enslave them."

[This is a backstory I've had them use before (see here and here).]

Seeing Big Ani and Little Ani in the same space might be what finally pings the "oh shit, that's future me" thing for Obi-Wan... you know, if he’s ever allowed close enough to see Little Ani in the first place.

Little Ani stays with the fake-Sith and is sorta jointly trained by all of them, and young Obi-Wan teaches little 'Soka at the Temple. Ani and 'Soka still end up friends somehow, but it is fairly different.

Every time little Ani addresses Old Obi as "Dad," it's just like ten kinds of awkward. The one time someone tried to explain that Ben wasn't his new dad, Shmi glared them down. She is of the opinion that, all the gods be damned, Ani deserves to refer to the most mature man in his life, who raised another him in another timeline already, as a father.

Ani doesn't NEED a father, Shmi herself is more than enough, but he does deserve to have this if he wants it.

An alternative conclusion to the time travel is uh. So the Mandalorians are genetically identical (give or take a hair gene) and really resemble Jango Fett, though whether anyone notices that is up in the air. Then the three ‘Sith’ (two fake Sith and their morality chain tag-along) have three younger, identical copies show up….

It could be really weird cloning shenanigans. Now, it makes no sense that they’d make clones, and stagger their production like that, and leave them as babies on various planets for Jedi to find. IDK what reasons Obi-Wan would come up with for that, but it’s a fun little detour before he gets to time travel.

There's a really painful moment (for the audience, who know about canon Vader) where someone tries to convince Ahsoka to leave the Sith and she's just like "no way, they'd never hurt me!” Then she clarifies that “someone has to keep them from doing stupid Sith shit whenever they get bored, you know?"

A bunch of Jedi probably think she’s delusional, but the few that have seen her get into trouble that is legitimately too much for her, which isn't often, have then seen Anakin show up like the devil himself to save her, and it's like. Oh. This is why she isn't scared of them hurting her.

We’ve discussed how Anakin does get concerningly in character with the fake Sith thing. However, Anakin and Ahsoka are, just once in a while, surprised by how Ben gets sometimes when playing the bad guy.

After all, he stabbed a dude with a fork and threatened to eat him during his time as Hardeen…

He has the same dramatic streak as all the rest of the lineage. He can be vindictive and creepy and scary as fuck.

HOWEVER:

Obi-Wan: I know I'm supposed to be playing at evil right now, but how do we feel about me making that evil a little... fruity? Ahsoka: Fruity, master? Anakin, who knows where this is going: [buries face in hands] Obi-Wan: You know, the... [limp wrist] Ahsoka: ... Obi-Wan: I mean, I'm already bisexual and well-groomed, I can play it up.

What’s the point of being evil if you can’t be flamboyant?

Anyway, I had to put in a lot of thought for what to do with Rex and Cody, because there's a solid place for them in terms of strategy, but it doesn't do much to give them independent narrative arcs, and 'young Obi-Wan has a crush' isn't much of an arc, you know?

So, basic info first: Cody, Rex, and Anakin all hold the rank of General in this AU because, like... who else is gonna. Ahsoka remains a commander because everyone declares her Baby, and also to keep up the "I'm a morality chain" ruse.

Cody maintains a very stern and unyielding public persona, but the second they're behind closed doors, he's roughhousing with his little brother.

Rex has some fun pretending to be a sadist whenever he and Anakin have to team up, because hamming it up as an evil bastard in front of Jedi is actually really fun... but usually, he's a competent fucking professional.

Because here's the thing: someone has to be.

They both kind of hate the army they've gotten, because these people don't even have proper trigger discipline, let alone any actual discipline.

This army? Tragic. They hate it. Give them the clones.

They have to be drill sergeants for months before they have anything worth sending onto the field.

I think that might be how/when they end up reaching out to Jango. Like, the first inroad is absolutely "we're your clones from the future and you were a Shit Dad so you owe us," but then they actually talk him around into letting the Fake Sith hire him. He brings along all the Mandalorians he can get to answer his calls, and on suggestion from Those Mando Twins, joins the army Ben doesn't even want.

Darth Boring doesn't want an army! Unfortunately, Cody thinks that's stupid as hell, and is overruling Ben so they can actually work on this 'cleaning up the galaxy of slavery' thing with actual resources.

Cody and Rex are super competent, and it shows in their horrified disdain for the state of their troops.

Rex: Fucking natborns. Anyone who isn't in the know: What's a natborn? Rex: [leaves without answering] People: WHAT'S A NATBORN???

(I'm assuming that the word smush is harder to parse in Basic.)

I think young Obi-Wan's new crush on Cody should also be unrequited. Cody's just like... bemused. Very "Okay, then, that sure is an Affection you've decided on."

Cody and Anakin both: Sorry, it’d just be too weird. Obi-Wan: Why would it be too weird? Cody and Anakin: Reasons.

Rex has to deal with the "whyyyyy" from both his brother and his (former?) General.

Young Obi-Wan just likes cute boys that fight good! Is that so wrong???

Ahsoka: So since we're not officially Jedi anymore-- Obi-Wan: We're still Je-- Ahsoka: Can we date? Can I date now? I want to date someone before we go back to the Code. It's a classic life experience for most teenage girls, and I want to Have That Experience before we're back at the Temple. Obi-Wan: You're not... you can date, Ahsoka, that's not actually banned by the Code. I mean, you'd have to keep it casual, but-- Ahsoka: I CAN DATE!!!

(Great priorities, Ahsoka.)

An idea I'm toying with is that one of the clones ends up Legally Engaged to Satine for political reasons, and young Obi-Wan is just like ???? because not only can he not date the hot boys, but one of said hot boys has become Mr. Steal Yo Girl.

Young Obi-Wan is suffering, and Quinlan is the worst friend ever because Quinlan is laughing at him.

There is obviously the question of

"How would Satine ever end up agreeing to that, given what their public personas are like and all that? She puts duty ahead of personal feelings but all indications are that it’s a terrible decision both ways." (as stated by Tia)

Which, yes, I forgot to actually say that I was imagining Jango had declared "those twins" his heirs after telling people they were his younger* cousins. Because reasons.

* Jango is about 27 when they land in the past, and I’m going to say the accelerated aging ended after hitting physically twenty because no, I don’t want to deal with that. As far as anyone knows, Cody and Rex are about five years younger than Jango. They’re less than year apart, which isn’t very visible, and most people assume they’re identical twins (except Rex’s hair), and that Cody just looks slightly older because of the scar.

Darth Boring had convinced Satine that the way to keeping Mandalore peaceful was to work with Jango (because Darth Boring, which is not his actual title but it is what Ahsoka insists on calling him in private, has a vested interest in keeping Mandalore and all interested parties calm), and he... maybe accidentally set up a political marriage between her and one of the clones.

It wasn't on purpose! Satine never married in his timeline, okay, he didn't expect her to ever get married here, either! He didn't even suggest it! This just happened!

(I want to say that Cody would be more competent at having a political marriage? But IDK.)

Do I do the Satine thing? It has potential, but also it's a bit of a cop-out. Do I have Cody be a diplomatic representative for their pseudo-Sith empire? He could be, but I think he'd hate it. Do I have Rex date one the Chaos Entities (Anakin or Ahsoka), or is that too repetitive with my other works? THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH GOING ON.

Part of me wants Quinlan to get a crush on Cody, and the crush gets bigger specifically in response to the fact that Cody refuses to take him seriously and/or just doesn't give him the time of day.

Based on their one interaction in TCW, they probably let get along ok. Cody maybe likes him back, buuuuuuut internally he's just a little "you were tolerable at almost-forty; early twenties you is obnoxious."

Just imagine the absolutely puppyish attempts at gaining approval and Impressing The Hot Mando General. Quinlan keeps having vague daydreams of seducing someone to the side of the Light. He really leans into the bodice ripper fantasies of saving someone evil with the power of love! (And also the power of really good sex.)

Bant looks at Quin and Obi and wants to throw them both into the nearest pond because they're idiots, but on this topic they are the same flavor of idiot. She considers calling up Reeft and Garen to help her knock some sense into them.

Quinlan: Can I volunteer to go undercover to the Sith? The Council: No. Quinlan: ...what if I-- The Council: No.

Tholme tries to get Qui-Gon to commiserate over their Padawans getting obsessed with Hot Sith Boys, but Qui-Gon just finds the whole thing funny. He knows from the chats he has with Ben that Anakin feels so completely, utterly, incredibly awkward about all of this.

(Ben continues to hold to "Anakin brought this on himself.")

(Ben also “kidnaps” Qui-Gon a lot.)

Also, hey, at least Quinlan isn’t actually into hot Sith boys! He’s into hot Sith minions which is... probably a step up. At least Cody’s not a Sith himself!

It's a step in some direction but Tholme has no idea which one.

(Quinlan sees Cody in dress uniform once and just keeps the mental image for Ages. It’s in his dreams. Sometimes said dreams overflow to Tholme via Force Mind Magic and Quinlan wakes up to someone smacking his face with a pillow.)

Arguably, Quin's also a lot more romantic about his crush than Obi-Wan is, in this case. Quinlan: I want to save him... Obi-Wan: Hey, hey, cute boy. Look at me. Let’s bang.

Cody: There are currently two future Jedi generals having some form of absurd romantic fixation in my direction. I don't know how to feel about this. Rex: Bed them. Cody: ...I'm not saying that's not eventually an option, but one of them is the younger Kenobi, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Rex: Pat him on the head like a tooka and then bed his friend, it'll be funny.

I think the Quinlan thing and also general exasperation of leading an absolutely useless army can function pretty solidly as the basis for Cody, but I have another idea for Rex now.

Komari is currently brainwashed in a cult, yes? So.

I keep bouncing around back and forth on what to do with Rex, but part of me suddenly really likes the idea of, after Team Fake Sith finds and dissolves the cult (as one does), and takes Komari into custody (because she's dangerous and deeply unwell), Rex kind of ends up her touchstone to being a decent person. He’s not a morality chain, and it’s not really a redeemed-through-love thing, just This Is A Solid Dude who doesn't pity her or thinks she's irredeemable (however you choose to define such a thing), but actually relates to the kind of conditions living like that can involve, and just kind of...

I don’t know. I think Rex's arc in this AU could be very heavily grounded in something to the effect of "You're not the worst darksider I've met. You're not the only person who was in a cult. You're not even the only former Jedi I know that's committed awful, horrible crimes. My question is just this: What are you going to do moving forward?"

Later Anakin: Wait, who do we know that was in a cult? Rex: What did you think Kamino was?

(Rex isn't as chill as he'd like her to think, but he's trying, and she's fairly reliant on the Force to understand emotions, and is currently in nullifying cuffs, so he can bluff.)

Komari needs someone solid and dependable to rely on for at least conversation, and I think Rex needs to feel needed.

I’m not sure if it’d be romance or friendship, but I think there's a solid basis to work with, potentially.

Per Tia:

One thing about Rex and shipping is like. If you want to do Rexwalker again that's fine, but if you're worried about repetitiveness but still want to like. Ship him in a non-political-convenience way. Rexsoka here actually would be different than your other stuff.

I'm trying to figure out if I can make it work because Ahsoka thematically fits very much into a little sister shaped hole here? She feels younger than in other works, despite not actually being younger than she is in, say, Commander Buir. In those other fics, she has some time alone to function and prove herself independently of Anakin and Obi-Wan.

I usually pluck Ahsoka out at sixteen if I'm pulling her from TCW, so she's got most of her competence but hasn't gotten quite all the trauma yet. Commander Buir, in particular, also has baby-shaped Anakin for contrast.

That said, I can see a decent source of narrative conflict in her wanting to experiment with romance and all that, and Anakin trying to tell her she's too young.

A year into this whole time-travel mess, she wants to give the dating thing a shot, and it spirals into "You were only two years older than me when you got married!"

I think I could build a plot out of Ahsoka wanting to do these things, and Anakin as an audience insert not quite processing that she's old enough to make these decisions. If she's choosing to date Rex, whose age works out as being close to hers when one takes into account Kamino fuckery, and whom she trusts absolutely, it’s arguably extra weird for Anakin to be upset with it.

"Senator Amidala was five years older than you, and you married her when you were nineteen and had only really known her for a week! I can go on a date with a guy we both know is one of the most trustworthy people alive if I want, Skyguy!"

I can definitely see Ahsoka getting annoyed with Anakin being overbearing and controlling at some point before that unrelated to romance, too. It’s not exactly a new fault of his.

My god, just imagine someone snidely asking Anakin "where's your little shadow?" and Anakin, being Himself and also a Fake Sith, has an emotional breakdown about how Ahsoka yelled at him for micromanaging her and not trusting her to make her own decisions in life and so she got herself a multi-month solo mission from Ben that Anakin isn't allowed to know any details about, and--

It's another one of those "oh, you have PROBLEMS problems with your mental health" incidents for the Jedi to add to the file, because Anakin having emotionally charged rants about his issues at seemingly terrible times is how they get a lot of information.

Some of the rants are planned.

Many of them, actually.

They want the Jedi to know these things.

Just, well. Anakin.

He really is a little Like That.

On that note, I'm low-key imagining that Anakin gets put on mood stabilizers by the therapist in this context, and he's doing good! He's handling his issues! He's--been captured with Obi-Wan the Younger again and his medication was confiscated.

Anakin is... not great. He's a little out of practice managing his unmedicated self, and when adding withdrawal symptoms onto that... poor Anakin.

(Poor Obi-Wan.)

I think it would be best if Anakin makes a bunch of ominous blustery comments at their captors about how they won't like what's coming to them if they take his belongings (AKA the fanny pack that has his backup pills), and then Obi-Wan just gets to watch Anakin get more and more erratic, because like. Yes, Anakin is using the Force to compensate, but unfortunately he's mostly cut off, and the stress of the situation is pushing him away from depression and into the beginnings of a manic episode.

Anakin is aware of his issues to the point where he's mostly managing, and he keeps asking Obi-Wan "would it make sense for me to [slightly deranged, very impulsive action]," and Obi-Wan realizes he's being the morality sounding board for the Hot Sith because ??? reasons?????

Eventually, Anakin does flop back in bed and dramatically throws his arm over his eyes, and says he needs his meds back, he's absolutely going to lose it, and Obi-Wan tentatively asks what kind of medication. There are levels to worry about. Mild allergy medication is one thing, but heart medication that needs to be taken every four hours is another, you know? He wants to know how much panic is appropriate.

Anakin lets him know that it's Psychiatric In Nature. Obi-Wan suddenly realizes that he really, really, really doesn't want to know what a properly erratic, unmedicated Anakin is like.

(An unmedicated Anakin really isn't nearly as bad as Obi-Wan fears. Anakin's been dealing with this for a while, and knows what his issues are and some of how to deal with them. He'd need to be running on no sleep and higher levels of stress, or to have been drugged with something meant to increase his aggression, to really lose his shit and do something worthy of Vader. RotS levels of stress and sleep deprivation is required to pull RotS levels of manic paranoid delusion.)

Tia asked:

How long does it take the Jedi in general to catch on to how like. They have opportunities. But these Sith never seem to harm any Jedi. And it’s not just like, the past timeline parts of the disaster lineage. They probably get opportunities to hurt other Jedi. Ones that are less skilled at saber work. And more importantly ones that they don’t seem weirdly interested in."

I'm not sure, really. The Jedi don't spend as much time in the Outer Rim as they could, and that's where the Team operates, so actually running into them by accident is unlikely for anyone other than Shadows.

Fortunately, it's really easy to toy with Shadows with the excuse of "I want to see how long it takes before you Fall with us."

I do want like... okay. Here’s the mental image:

Qui-Gon calls them out on being Fake Sith pretty quickly, so Ben just sort of eyes him, dramatically, and orders out "Leave us" to all non-team people. The threat of torture is implied but not stated. He gestures with wine to keep in character. He definitely makes sure Young Obi-Wan is ushered out, so it's just five time travelers, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Ahsoka's immortal force birb.

"...so, what's the reason for the farce, Obi-Wan?" "How in all the hells did you figure it out so quickly?"

(Qui-Gon cheated a bit. He could feel the broken training bond that was never properly severed due to Traumatic Death Of A Master on Ben's end)

Ben didn't realize he'd feel it! Young Obi-Wan can't feel his older self or a training bond with Anakin or Ahsoka, so why could Qui-Gon?

IDK if there would be anything on the level of crying and hugging it out, but I think it would be very funny if, every time young Obi and Anakin are getting captured by pirates or something, Ben and Qui-Gon are just having a nice afternoon tea and checking their watches to see if their respective walking bundles of neuroses are done with their adventure yet.

The Council is So Done, because Qui-Gon continues to insist that they're Not That Bad, but every time anyone other than Qui-Gon brings up the friendship, Ben laughs and makes a comment about how absolutely gullible Master Jinn is.

Obi-Wan is skeptical of his own experiences with Anakin, at least, if only because he's skeptical about Anakin's everything.

"I don't know if Vader is telling me the truth. I don't know if he's telling himself the truth. I don't think he's a great source of information even when he thinks he's being honest."

Anakin could tell Obi-Wan the full and complete truth, and Obi-Wan would worriedly put a hand to his forehead and start doing tests for hallucinations and paranoid delusions. In his defense, this is a very reasonable assumption to make with an individual like Anakin. It's just also not accurate, this time. I don’t know if Anakin hallucinates in canon without a weird inciting incident like Force Nonsense or getting drugged by the enemy, but paranoid delusion is pretty much all of RotS.

"I’m your time-traveling padawan who’s pretending to be a Sith to catch some other Sith who’re going to start a galactic civil war and those Mandalorians you like are from a clone army based on a template of Jango Fett made to serve the Jedi (because that’s totally something he’d sign up for), and one of the Sith is your grandmaster but he doesn’t seem to have fallen yet, it’s probably fine," is hard to believe.

Honestly, even if he seemed stable before saying that, which he doesn’t, it’s all real far fetched. There's a lot going on and Obi-Wan wouldn't even begin to believe it without evidence.

I've had it in my head that he and Bant and Quinlan have been gossiping about the mess for months if not years about these idiots, and at one point it became common knowledge that Ben was a Kenobi, and Bant convinced them (since the two were among the most likely in the entire Order to encounter the Fake Sith) to get a DNA sample, probably hair or blood since that's easiest so they can figure out HOW these two are related, if they are, and then there's a whole big thing.

Bant: No, no, this must be contaminated, it's coming up as Obi-Wan! Are you sure you didn't accidentally grab some of your own hairs? I know it's a little long for most of your hair, but the braid-- Quinlan: Wait, they keep claiming stuff about cloning, right? Maybe someone's a clone? Check for artificial telomeres! Bant: ...okay, so, there aren't any artificial telomeres, but the ones from apparently-Ben are... a lot shorter... um... I don't know what to do with this. It's like I have two samples from the same person, twenty years apart. Quinlan: Obi-Wan, what's that face? Why are you-- Obi-Wan: Vader told me he was a time-traveler. I thought it was the fever talking, but...

That’s how he finds out that Ben is future-him before finding out about how he’s not evil!

"Master Jinn... I think... I think the Sith controlling the Outer Rim is me from the future." "Oh, you finally figured it out?" "I AM HAVING A CRISIS HERE."

Obi-Wan, after a few hours of dazed realization, runs screaming to Quinlan and Bant like 'GUYS GUYS THIS EXPLAINS WHY VADER KEPT SAYING IT WAS WEIRD AND THAT I LOOK LIKE HIS MASTER AND THAT IT WOULD BE LIKE DATING HIS DAD.'

You know, the important stuff.

I think Qui-Gon tells him that Ben isn't evil because, like, That Sure Is A Crisis Obi-Wan's Having. He could hold off for shits and giggles, sure, but Obi-Wan’s on the edge of something Really Concerning, mentally. Best help calm him down on at least one or two things.

Obi-Wan’s maybe still a little skeptical until he confronts them over it. Because their Sith act was real good and also like. Maybe Qui-Gon just wants to believe the best of his Padawan, y’know?

Quinlan runs into Ben before Obi-Wan does, after this whole mess, and gets to observe as money changes hands and people act like sore winners about bets made for When Does Obi-Wan Figure It Out.

Anakin was saying 'soon' because he really didn't think the fever-fueled rant would be discounted as easily as it was.

Cody was of the opinion that it would take at least a few more years since they're actually pretty damn good at this whole schtick.

Quinlan: Wow, he's... going to be really disappointed that you have such a low opinion of his intelligence. Cody, gesturing at Ben: Experience. Darth Ben: ಠ_ಠ

Cody just rattles off some of the Extremely Stupid Shit that Ben's done in their time working together.

Rex cheerily offers up "You didn't even realize General Skywalker was married, sir! And they weren't subtle!" "I knew they were together, I just didn--" "Everyone knew they were together, sir. Everyone."

(Rex had the lowest opinion of their deductive capabilities. He claims it would have taken until Baby Ahsoka showed up at the Jedi Temple.)

-Once Obi-Wan accepts that they're decent people after all- Obi-Wan: Wow, Anakin, you're real good at acting unhinged! Anakin: Haha. Yeah. Thanks?

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bonjour-rainycity · 3 years

Text

A Friend

|masterlist|

A/n Anon, thank you for your request and for your patience!! I hope you get a break soon <3 Please do what you can to take care of yourself!

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: TW - ANXIETY // TW - ANXIETY ATTACK // TW - STRESS

Word count: 1308

Request: Jasper x Reader where the reader catches the attention of Jasper with the overwhelming emotions he feels from afar and it’s the reader in the middle of a silent anxiety attack in a remote hallway (she’s just walking back and forth with a hand over her chest, trying to breathe) and he comforts her without actually using his power. He kind of just listens? And tells her when to breathe in and out? I’ve been going through a very rough week and nothing is going the way I planned, so I wanted the reader to feel like she’s stressed from schoolwork, college decisions, and being a musician who always has to put in time to practice while also being sleep deprived af because that’s been me for the past year and a half

If Jasper had a blood pressure, it would be rising.

The forceful cacophony of hundreds of emotional climates converge upon and disorient one individual: himself.

After so many years of this existence, Jasper is relatively good at managing the excessive input. He knows how to identify the emotions of those important to him and let the others fade into the background — never completely gone, but not at the forefront, either.

But today, on this cloudy, nondescript Thursday morning, there is one emotional climate he cannot ignore.

It’s chaotic. It’s panicked. It’s frantic.

Jasper raises his hand and excuses himself from class — humans tend not to disagree with him, even if he doesn’t come up with a great excuse. I left a book in my locker. Well, he’ll have to return with a book after he’s located the person waging war on his senses.

Once free of the cramped classroom, Jasper allows himself a breath. The scent of barely-concealed human blood is tempting, but it is much more manageable due to experience and frequent hunting. There was a time when, had Jasper gone searching for a human, his body would have interpreted it as a hunt, and the human likely would not have survived the encounter. But now, Jasper feels confident in his footsteps, trusting in his ability to not commit murder, as Carlisle calls it. Besides, even if the call of the blood is tempting, Jasper has no desire to attend another of his victim’s funerals.

As Jasper turns a corner, the emotions intensify. The core emotion, the loudest, most pressing, is one he knows well — anxiety. Others — stress, exhaustion, indecision, hopelessness — swell and ebb, each fighting for dominance in this poor human host. As he enters another hallway, Jasper registers the sound of sneakers hitting the linoleum floor — the human is pacing while attempting to take deep breaths. The breaths are stilted though, jerky, and from what he knows about humans, they probably aren’t doing much to calm the human down.

A final turn and Jasper locates the source of the emotions — a human girl he had a science class with last year. She hasn’t noticed him yet and he takes the opportunity to assess the situation. An anxiety attack for sure.

Jasper clears his throat.

The girl’s wide, panicked eyes meet his and she sucks in a labored breath. “S-sorry, I—”

Jasper shrugs, doing his best to seem nonthreatening. He doesn’t want to add to the fear she’s already feeling. “Don’t worry about it. Are you okay?” Mentally, he chides himself. She’s obviously not. Hesitantly, he takes a few steps forward, shortening the distance between himself and the girl. She keeps a hand on her chest, probably trying to ground herself with the rise and fall.

“It’s—it’s nothing,” she mutters, it sounding half like a gasp. “I’ll be fine, I just need to calm down.”

Jasper nods evenly. He could use his ability to do the work for her, but he knows that would only be a temporary fix; she’d probably just have another episode the minute he and his power left. So, he elects to attempt a different strategy, one that might actually help long-term. Jasper strides forward, careful not to startle the human, and sits on the ground, resting his back against the faded blue lockers. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Her paces falter and she stares at him, clearly trying to assess if the offer is genuine. Jasper tries for a smile but then quickly lets it fall off his face, worried showing his teeth will frighten her.

The human huffs and a feeling of desperation momentarily swells forward, then is overpowered by stress.

“Okay,” she shrugs, seeming to sag under the weight of her exhaustion. Her pacing resumes. “Everything is just too much. The semester’s almost over which means I have way too much schoolwork to even think about, everyone’s expecting me to make these huge college decisions that could affect the rest of my life — I mean, what if I choose wrong? How will I know if I’m choosing wrong or right? And then throughout all of this, I somehow have to find time to practice. I already don’t have enough time to get all my homework done, so how can I get to practicing? But somehow both have to be a priority!” She whimpers, the sound shaky and defeated. “So I get it all done, sometimes, but at the cost of my sleep. I can’t remember the last time I felt well-rested. So I stay up to get all these things done, but then I don’t have the energy to do these things well, but I need to be doing these things well to get into a good college so I don’t screw future-me over.”

The human’s pacing—which had sped up in accordance with her words—stops. Her shoulders sag and she sinks to the floor next to Jasper, leaning her head against the lockers, staring at the ceiling. “It’s just a lot,” she mutters, tears pricking at the edges of her eyes.

The frantic note to her emotions has faded, but the anxiety and stress are still there. Now though, the feeling of overwhelmed comes to the forefront, as well as a general sense of being lost.

“Breathe in and out,” Jasper advises.

She gives him a dubious look. “That doesn’t help.”

“Come on, do it with me,” he encourages, showing her an exaggeratedly long inhale followed by an equally lengthy exhale. He really shouldn’t be breathing in such close proximity to a human, but he finds himself wanting to help her. No one should have to deal with so much, especially not by themselves.

She acquiesces and follows his lead, taking deep breaths.

Her heart rate begins to slow.

They sit like that for much longer than the time needed to ‘get a book from his locker,’ but Jasper doesn’t mind. He’s happy to be here helping this human feel better again. The piercing, destructive emotions are calming, slowly but surely giving way to relief and a tentative measure of peace.

The human closes her eyes. “Thank you for listening.”

Jasper furrows his eyebrows, confused by her gratitude. She did all the hard work, he only sat there. “Of course. And you know, you don’t have to have everything planned out or do it by yourself. It’s all going to work out.” An old phrase comes to mind, something his mother used to tell him back in his human life. He smiles fondly at the memory. “But you can’t pour from an empty cup. Before you can contribute to school or practice or make big decisions, you have to take care of yourself.”

She smiles softly, nodding, and a note of amusement comes forth in her feelings. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Jasper waits a few more minutes until her anxiety is gone. Then, he turns to look at her. “Are you ready to go back to class?”

There’s a momentary spike in her stress, but a deep breath calms it once again. She nods. “Yeah, thank you again for sitting with me.”

Jasper smiles. “My pleasure. Can I walk you?” He finds himself not quite ready to leave her. He wants to make sure she’s completely okay and settled before going back to his own class.

The human accepts his offer with a smile. The two walk slowly, talking about things they’re excited for in the upcoming days. By the time they arrive at her classroom door, the human feels rejuvenated, hopeful. She pauses before entering the classroom, waving goodbye. “See you at lunch?”

Jasper nods, promising to himself that he will check on her then. “See you at lunch.”

And, as Jasper heads back to his own class, he makes himself another promise. As long as he’s around, the human girl will always have a friend.

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michaels-reality · 3 years

Note

jsaghka whats wrong with ok ko?

Okay so I will spoil the whole main plot of the series with it but there are 3 main problems I’m gonna get into with this series and it’s problems with character design, jokes on child neglect, and ableism with system caricatures. And this is coming from someone who enjoys the show before anyone thinks I’m just hating to hate on it. But again, these issues are so big for me that I would not recommend this show to anyone skjhskjf.

1. Issues with character design

Alright, so first off, please look at this picture of the majority of the women of the show and tell me what’s wrong with it?

Yeah! Almost all of them have the exact same body type! I’ve seen people praise ok ko with its diverse character design but if you boil it down, almost all the women have the same cinched waist and big hips. And for the characters the characters that do have different body types, it's almost unfair to compare them to the rest of the characters, like you can’t compare Carol to Rippy Roo because Rippy Roo is an actual animal. And you can’t compare Dendy to Enid, because Dendy is a child and Enid is a teenager. And for the Ladies that have an actual difference in body type, that’s like 6 characters out of how many? And to those characters that have different body types, the Hue Troops only show up for 2 episodes and even then the main focus isn’t on them so they barely get any screen time, Punching Trudy shows up for one episode to fight Punching Judy, Pheobe shows up for 7 episodes but she’s a background character and I don’t ever remember her speaking, and then there’s Foxtail. Foxtail is probably the only female character that has a different body type that has an important role in the story and shows up for more than just background appearances.

Compared to the men in the show, there is way more diversity but even then, there is a lot of making the upper half of them bigger and giving them tiny hips and legs.

There is also the issue that kinda pisses me off is the racial ambiguity of everyone. Like most of the characters aren’t even human so whatever, but there are characters like enid that have darker skin but she has straight purple hair so what are we supposed to get from that? I mean, I guess there is some wiggle room for anyone that isn’t white to claim her but then you start to see that all these darker skinned characters seem to always have straight hair and that’s also a problem. The only character I can confidently say is black is foxtail and she has straight hair. And the only character that is said to have curls and an afro is RADICLES who is BLUE and an ALIEN! Like it makes me mad that our curly haired and black coded character is designed like this. Like, I get it, he’s an alien, he’s blue, he’s not human, BUT WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE? WHY CAN’T THERE BE ANOTHER CHARACTER WHO IS DARKER SKINNED AND CURLY HAIRED?

It’s so ironic given that ok ko has one of the BEST racism metaphors I’ve ever seen in episode 28. Dendy says kappas don’t need pow cards to be heros but it feels nice to be appreciated but this show is not making me feel very appreciated right now sjglksjgds.

2. Jokes about child neglect/abuse

OKAY! BOXMAN! I LOVE BOXMAN BUT WHAT THE FUCK?

Okay, so in the show, Lord Boxman has robot minions that he is constantly annoyed with the performance of and punishes them and yells at them. AND I WOULDN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS IF BOXMAN DIDN’T REFER TO THEM AS HIS CHILDREN! It’s shown in the show that Boxman raised them as baby robots and they call him daddy and they have a very familial relationship. But it’s constantly joked about with Boxman saying how they never make him proud not taken seriously in the show. Like, in the second episode, one of the first things we see Boxman do is put Darrel in the furnace and Darrel says “I deserve this” BUT DON’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY CUS DARREL IS A ROBOT AND HE’S BACK 2 SECONDS LATER! The robots get emotional over any sense of approval, like at the end of “Villains Night In” Darrel and Shannon literally fall apart after Boxman gives them shirts and says to “keep up the good work”, and the end of Plazalypmics, Darrel, Shannon, and Raymond get participation trophies and are really happy with that. Like, this isn’t normal.

The whole relationship between the robots and Boxman is actually pretty toxic and kind of bothers me sometimes. The robots seem to have a very intense sibling rivalry but it’s over the affection of Boxman, which is unhealthy but most of the time it’s just played off as funny joke for the tv. And it becomes even more apparent because episodes without Boxman, like Rad likes robots, it shows them getting along fine and even worrying about each other. And in season 2, Boxman comes back from the sun and Darrel stands up to him and says he doesn’t need him anymore, but one “I’m proud of you” from Boxman and Darrel is back to wanting his approval. LIKE ITS ALMOST NEVER FRAMED AS A BAD THING OR TAKEN SERIOUSLY! I AM NOT A FAN OF HOW THEY TREAT THIS! Like, I can admit it gets better after Venomous comes into the picture and Boxman has that realization of “oh I should be proud of my kids achievements” but to me it looks like this whole forgiving your abuser plot line and I fucking hate it! And Boxman still admits to incinerating his robots after the company switches over to his and Venomous’ ownership when discussing what to do to punish them and he says “I usually see improvement in my robots after I incinerate them.”

And even if it got better, it’s still played off as a joke in all of season one and normalizes terrible behavior. Child neglect in tv shows, especially in children’s media, played off jokes and funny are never good and can be insensitive to children who are in these situations seeing it played up for laughs. You can argue that being on the villain’s side frames it as a bad thing but that kinda loses meaning in a show like ok ko where you start to see the villains as regular people and not necessarily bad, just “evil”. I just feel like this could have been treated so much better and not trivialized like this.

3. System Caricatures and ableism

Let me start off by saying, I am a singlet and I don’t have as much authority on this type of thing so feel free to correct me on anything I get wrong or add on in anyway.

With that said, KO and TKO along with Shadowy Figure and Professor Venomous are terrible system caricatures. KO is 6-11 years old is prime age to develop a system, so when shadowy figure comes into KO’s life and traumatizes him, he splits. And so we begin our little “evil alter ego”(quoting the show! using this phrasing is terrible and should never describe a system like that) stereotype.

I’ve talked about OK KO with my friends who are systems and it makes them mad that this show had so many moments to be good system rep and then it turns around and fucks everything up! Like TKO could have been written well. TKO is very clear on stating he isn’t KO and is his own person but everyone still refers to him KO and treats him like a bad thing because he isn’t KO. And when TKO acts out due to being referred to as KO and rightfully being upset, they act like it is some evil act against them and they need KO back! Like, the show misses its own point so much!!! If they treated TKO like a person (which he is!!!!!) then half the problems they have wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. And TKO has done nothing wrong other than wanting to front! KO even talks about TKO as another person but they address him as such!

The way people talk about TKO in this show makes me so mad, like when Dendy does tests on KO in “Mystery Science Fair 201X” to bring out TKO, TKO finally comes out to deal with the feelings KO can’t deal with and then they almost do it right when Dendy realizes she was the one that fucked up and then SHE APOLOGIZES TO KO INSTEAD OF TKO FSDGHSDFJ!!! And they always treat TKO as a threat as if he’s a danger! Like TKO’s a kid just like KO and acted out when the people around him upset him! Like a kid! And the last time TKO shows up in season one in the finale, TKO actually SAVES everyone in the plaza and leads the battle away from the plaza but because “oh but TKO is the evil” they go and try to stop him from saving them? Like yeah he got a little reckless but he only ended up hurting people in the plaza when Rad and Enid interfered. They treat him like a problem because they MAKE him a problem!

Also, the moments where everyone tries to bring KO back by saying “you are loved” and all that, that’s actually really manipulative! Like, they’re using positive triggers to kick TKO out of front and that’s actually a really rude thing to do. They’re trying to bring to front who THEY want to see and it’s not fair to TKO who is fronting. It also goes the other way around when Dendy is experimenting on TKO to try and get him to front.

And then even KO treats him terribly, locking him in a cage, then keeping him in his head all the time, and then when he finally lets TKO out and TKO acts out from being locked in his own head for so long, KO then traps TKO in his subconscious. Which is terrible! TKO should be allowed to front and should be treated like his own person! It’s so weird how the show almost gets it right but then does shit like this that makes it terrible again. Like KO has a headspace and he creates things in his headspace and he talks to TKO like another person and they communicate their feelings but then the show turns this all on their head when KO locks TKO away and blames him for destroying everything when he’s the one trapping him in his brain.

There is also the problem with TKO being the one with all the power and changing his appearance cus that all contributes to the system caricature. Also, TKO and KO integrating at the end of the series? ALSO VERY BAD AND HARMFUL CARICATURE! Alters are different people and they should be treated as different people and KO is not TKO all along THEY ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE! And integration is possible but it’s usually not by choice. And even then, integration being the end goal of a story is a very ableist narrative and shouldn’t be written.

And it confuses me, why does shadowy figure have his own pow card but TKO doesn’t. Like, KO and TKO are established more as being different people than Shadowy Figure and Venomous so why doesn’t he get his own pow card? Like the end of season one, TKO fought the fight at the plaza and used his power to defeat Boxman jr but at the end KO ends up leveling up instead. And on the topic of TKO’s power, again, that shouldn’t be a thing. TKO and KO should both have access to the same power because they use the same body because that's how systems work! They use the same body!

And I know what the show was trying to do like “oh TKO is a manifestation of all the bad feelings that KO has!” but there are so many ways to do that without making a caricature of systems. Like if you didn’t make TKO a person then this would have been fine. Like if other people didn’t see TKO this could have been fine. There are ways to make a manifestation of your negative emotions without doing it like this. And the way this show did it is such bad writing, because you are meant to think TKO is this terrible manifestation of emotions but all you see is this scared kid who doesn’t know where he is and lashes out when he gets rightfully upset. BECAUSE LET ME REMIND YOU! TKO AND KO ARE BOTH 6-11 YEARS OLD! THEY ARE KIDS! THEY’RE SITUATION SHOULDN’T BE TREATED THIS WAY

And my guy shadowy figure...... bad. Shadowy Figure and Venomous’ is not only a terrible caricature but also very inaccurate. With KO and TKO, their system developed at the correct time as a child, but with Shadowy Figure and Venomous, they developed after Venomous got his snake disease. And, Venomous doesn’t even know about Shadowy Figure and that can be a result of dissociative amnesia but it’s really unfortunate. And again! the end of the series! Shadowy Figure and Venomous integrate into one entity and it’s terrible! Because they aren’t the same person and shouldn’t be treated as the same person! And again with the whole “evil alter ego”. Like Shadowy figure only exists to traumatize KO and make him split and create TKO. And the fact that they turn out to be KO’s dad??? Yikes??? Like again, these are terrible caricatures and are harmful to systems and should’ve been treated better in the show.

---

Like, I love OK KO, I used to hold this show very close to my heart and made me very happy to see this show with the amount of LGBT rep but looking back it was very bad in many ways. Like that racism episode I mentioned, that shit resonates with me! And I appreciate characters like Dendy and KO and I still love the boxbots and venomous, I just wished this show lived up to the potential that it had.

TL;DR: OK KO has a problem with misogynistic character design and colorism, normalizes child neglect, and has put out an ableist narrative with system caricatures.

#long post #racism m #colorism m #misogny m #ableism m #ok ko #malware-rants #intergration m

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thiswasinevitableid · 3 years

Note

Indruck 22 for the meet uglies?

Here you go! I went SFW on this one

you’re on a date with this awful, awful person who keeps getting under my skin because my friend and I have been eavesdropping all night and your date says something that makes me snap … I thought it was a first date, not a three year relationship

“...such a waste of money. I mean, why spend all that to get something tacky on your skin?”

Indrid rolls his eyes at Barclay from across the counter of the Amnesty Lodge coffee shop, the cooks arms and hands sporting a plethora of tattoos rivaled only by Indrid’s collection.

“I dunno, l like the one I got.” The other man--who seems to be on the worst first date of his life--shrugs.

“You honestly think you and Juno couldn’t have spent that money on something else in college?”

“I mean maybe but, uh, we were earnin our own cash, figured we got to decide what to spend it on.”

“Hmmmm” the first guy sips his coffee, “sounds like a typical excuse for someone who doesn’t want to admit a mistake.”

“C’mon, that ain’t fair-”

“Ugh, stop saying ain’t! I can’t take someone who talks like that to meet my family.” Before the target of his disdain can respond, he snaps his fingers, “hey, buddy, can I get a refill or what?”

“The station for black coffee refills is right there, sir.” Barclay indicates the very obvious corner of dispensers, his voice the kind of calm that Indrid knows means he’s memorizing this guys face to warn other staff about.

They earn a brief reprieve while The Asshole leaves the table. When he returns, he’s shaking his head.

“God, have you looked at the photos they’ve got up? Who the fuck wants to look at bones?”

Indrid quickly glances at his friend to be sure he’s permitted to start a fight. Barclay nods.

“Quite a lot of people.” Indrid spins on his stool. “I’ve sold a number of them just from the display here. So perhaps you could keep your rude, unclultured, close-minded, obnoxious mouth shut.”

The man balks, looks to his companion for help. He offers none, mouth trying to form words and only coming out with halves of ones (except for the “fucks” which are plentiful).

“Oh my fucking god, you agree with him! That’s it, I’m out.” The Asshole pushes back from the table and storms out. The remaining man leaps up, panicked.

“Fuck.”

“It’s okay man, shitty first dates happen to all of us.” Barclay offers from beside the bakery case.

“I mean yeah, they do, but that wasn’t one of ‘em. That was my boyfriend of three fuckin years.” He dashes out of the shop, sparing a final glare at Indrid as he does.

Indrid trades a sheepish look with his friend, “Oops.”

-------------------------------------------------

“I’m glad you finally get to meet Duck!” Aubrey grins over her shoulder as she and Indrid wind down the hall at the office Kepler magazine.

Founded by childhood friends, Kepler worked a combination of print and video content that saw its subscribers and revenue climb while other publications struggled to stay afloat. Aubrey was head of the video team, though she contributed content to the magazine in the form of interviews about environmental activists of color and sustainable gift guides.

Kepler has three sections: travel, science, and environmental writing. Indrid now has the honor of being one of their primary photographers. He started two weeks ago and is thoroughly enjoying his work and the company of the other staff. The only person he’s yet to meet is Duck Newton, one of the founders and main reporters, as he was off on an assignment.

Aubrey knocks, gets a friendly “come in” and ushers Indrid into the office.

Looking at him from behind the desk is The Asshole’s Boyfriend, whose face goes from open and friendly to confused, then to perturbed.

“You okay?”

“I, uh, fuck, n-ye.” Duck sighs, “remember how I told you Alex and I split after a shitty date in a coffee shop?” He points at Indrid, “this was the fella who, uh, expedited the process.”

“Ohhhh.” Aubrey frowns, then shrugs with a smile, “whelp, he’s our new photographer. We’ll see you around.” She hurries them outside once more, shutting the doors. As they head back the way they came, she whispers, “his ex was a huge fucking dick, so if word gets out everyone is gonna think you’re a fucking hero.”

“He didn’t seem to see it that way.”

“It was only a few weeks ago, so it’s still pretty fresh. He’ll heal from it okay, Duck’s a tough cookie. And I’m sure you guys’ll get along eventually.”

---------------------------------------

“Juno, please, you gotta come with me.”

“I would bud, except it’s April and I’s fifth wedding anniversary that weekend. And no, we already have plans, so we can’t just take over this assignment as part of the celebration.”

“Fuck” Duck leans back in his chair.

“...You really asked everyone?”

“Ye-no, fuck-”

“Duck.”

“I ain’t asked Indrid yet.”

“There it is.” Juno smirks, “you gotta ask; besides, we were gonna have him do illustrations for the feature, but photos would be even better. And we both know it ain’t his fault y’all broke up.”

Duck nods, promises to ask Indrid after lunch. He finds the photographer flipping through his files from his shoot for next issues cover. His silver hair is pulled back, red glasses sitting on the desk beside him so he can gauge color correctly.

Duck kind of wants to pull the silver locks just to see what happens. It’s not his fault Indrid looks like his Sophomore roommate who he had a raging crush on, only with more tattoos and a much more captivating face. Pity he helped fuck up Duck’s last chance at a stable relationship.

“Hey, Indrid, you got a minute?”

The photographer cocks his head.

“I, uh, so we got a feature on this whole chunk of places touting themselves as ‘sustainable romantic getaways. I booked a bunch of places, but a lot of ‘em will turn me away if I turn up solo. And the person I was supposed to go with ain’t an option any more. Neither is anyone else. You get my drift?”

Indrid pinches the bridge of his nose, “you realize this is a terrible idea, yes?”

“Hey, we been workin together just fine. Ain’t we? Wait, fuck, I ain’t been treatin you bad even when I’m tryin to be professional, am I?”

“No, you’ve been perfectly polite. But there’s a world of difference between being cordial in an office and going on what’s functionally a vacation together.”

Duck crosses his arms, “I ain’t about to lose eight hundred bucks in deposits.”

Indrid blinks, then chuckles, “Fair. What day do we leave?”

-------------------------------------------------

The temperature rises and the air dries as they speed south on Five. Indrid fiddles with games on his phone as cover for the list of “will this be a disaster or not” he’s mentally constructing. So far the signs are positive; Duck isn’t very chatty, but neither is Indrid. They have similar tastes in music, which makes much more sense when Duck explains he was a burn-out in high school. He also isn’t agitated by Indrid stimming, which makes it easier for the photographer to relax and enjoy the drive.

But they haven’t spoken about the elephant in the car, and Indrid resolves not to be the first to do so. No point in poking the sore spot if he doesn’t have to.

They stop at a Sinclair for gas. Duck reaches into his glovebox for something as Indrid climbs out, comes away with a photo instead. It’s one of those ones from a photobooth, faded but unmistakably him and his ex. His face falls for a second and Indrid scurries into the Dairy Queen attached to the convenience store.

As he waits in line, he turns one fact over in his mind like a picture he’s trying to make sense of; it would be easier to let their awkward first meeting go if he did not genuinely like the other man. He’s charming, in a quiet way, and very friendly. He’s built like the guys Indrid always got useless crushes on in college, usually third tier frat boys or--if he was lucky--a bear a few years older than him who liked his men on the odd side.

He doesn’t like seeing Duck sad. The sadness isn’t something he can fix. The stalemate between these two facts annoy the living hell out of him.

He’s next in line, glances up to confirm what he wants, and gets an idea. Last week, he overheard Duck talking with Aubrey about roadtrip snacks of their youth.

“One chocolate dipped cone, on me.” He holds the treat out to the other man.

“Oh. Uh, thanks. These are my favorite from when I was a kid.” Duck’s smile returns.

“I remembered. Or, ah, that is, I remembered you saying that.”

The smile changes, “you didn’t need to.”

“I wanted to. Shall we?”

“Yep. Uh, you gonna be able to drive and eat that at the same time?”

“Do not doubt my ability to consume ice cream under difficult circumstances, Duck Newton.”

They make it to their first stop unscathed. It’s what Duck refers to as, “eco-bespoke,” a fancy spa and hotel built in a former school, the kind that was made in an era of beautiful instead of grim educational architecture.

“Goats!” Indrid claps his hands, delighted, at the two animals stabled near the main building. One of it’s supposed sustainable elements is the small farm that helps feed the on-site restaurant. Duck smirks and Indrid suddenly feels the gulf in their upbringings, “Ah, I suppose they’re not exciting to someone who grew up in a rural town.”

“Nah, but they’re damn cute.” Duck checks the tag on their room keys, “okay, we’re in the green building, room 2B.”

Indrid snaps some photos as they cross the grounds, more to remind himself of things he wants to come back to later than anything else. He’s busy studying a strange mark on the wall by their door when Duck says, “I can sleep on the floor.”

“Why--oh” he stares at the single bed, “in retrospect, we should have seen this coming.”

“Yeah.” Duck drops his bag near the closet, slides the door to look for spare linens. Indrid summons his courage, finds it lacking, and so bolsters it with nonchalance.

“It’s a king, we could easily share.”

“You’d, uh, you’d be okay with that?”

“It is only narrow definitions of masculinity that mean something like sharing a bed is inherently sexual.”

He’s not entirely sure that made sense, but Duck nods, “You want the right side or left?”

“Right, please.”

“Great. And, uh, Indrid? Thanks for rollin with all this. I, uh, I know it’s fuckin weird but this is a huge feature for the magazine and we woulda been fucked if we had to pull it.”

Indrid gingerly sits on his side of the bed, “You’re welcome. And I don;t know about you, but” he smiles, catches Duck watching him intently in the mirror, “I’m enjoying myself so far.”

------------------------------------------------------

“Why has an activity that renders one incapable of using their thighs been deemed ‘romantic?” Indrid mumbles, face-down on the bed to offer his burning legs relief.

“Fuck if I know.” Duck groans as he sits next to him, “Kinda fun, but if I was doin this to get you in bed, I’d be fucked.”

“I am in bed” Indrid teases.

“And if I tried to put the moves of you you’d toss me outta it. Assumin I could even move myself that close.” Duck nudges him, then clears his throat, “uh, I mean, not like we’d be doin that-”

“Nono, point taken.” Indrid rolls over. The horseback ride was one of the “couples exclusives;” a trot out to a beautiful oasis for a gourmet picnic. Indrid got some excellent shots, including one of Duck with honeycomb dripping down his chin, which he will not be offering up to editors but may keep for himself. For it’s beautiful composition, of course.

Mercifully, their next stop is the pool. Indrid settles himself in the hot tub while Duck types some notes on his phone. Then his friend doffs his bathrobe and Indrid may as well be in a dream. In the steaming, echoing paradise of multi-colored tile and ecstatic shouts, Duck stands like one of the angelic fountains at its heart has come to life.

“You okay there, ‘Drid?”

“Yes.” He hopes his lack of glasses means Duck will mistake his blatant staring for trying to get his vision in focus.

“Then scoot your cu--uh, your butt over so I can sit down.”

Indrid gladly moves aside, finds he’s so comfortable with Duck pressed against him that he begins nodding off in the warm lull of the water. When the other man nudges him, saying it’s time to go, he finds a strong arm draped over his shoulder and Duck’s smile the most relaxed it’s been all trip.

Their last task at this location is to locate the speakeasy somewhere on the premises and order the “lovers delight” (only available to couples). To do so, they follow clues purple light bulbs, doors that lead to tiny, art-filled rooms, secret staircases, and a false supply closet to a dark wooded, dimly lit, incredibly pleasant bar looking out over the property. The drink turns out to be a massive goblet (more a bowl that someone stuck on a stem) of ginger syrup, prickly pear juice, and silver tequila.

It also turns out to be incredibly strong. So much so that when they get back to the room, Indrid loses his balance getting his shoes off, which makes Duck laugh, which results in both of them flopping onto the bed.

“S’fun. You’re, you’re real good at the clues. Should, should go to an escape room when we get home.”

“Wasn’t, hic, that hard. They, they want, hic, want you to find it.”

“Take the compliment, goofus” Duck pushes his shoulder.

“You’re, hic, the goofus.”

“Nuh uh.” Duck sticks his tongue out. Indrid does the same, then licks his cheek just to hear him laugh.

Duck rolls onto his back, giggles dying down to a contemplative sigh, “He woulda hated this.”

“Your ex?” Indrid crawls to stay close to him.

“Yeah. Everythin I like, or, or thought was fun, he thought it was a waste of time or just plain worthless. He, he wasn’t like that at the start. Dunno what changed. Probably me. Probably got borin. Got worse.”

Indrid is not so drunk that he believes he can fix this. But he’s just drunk enough to stroke Duck’s cheek and murmur, “No. Nono, hic, you’re th’best.”

He doesn’t remember falling asleep after that, but he must have, because his phone is beeping at them to get up and face the day. They do so with to-go coffees in one hand and their bags in the other, neither speaking of the night before until Indrid has turned the car into deeper desert.

“Sorry for gettin on a thing about Alex last night.”

“It was a three year relationship; goodness knows you’re allowed to have feelings about it.”

“Even relief?”

Indrid glances at him, “Of course.”

His friend leans back in his seat, sipping from his travel mug, “That’s half the reason I been in such a funk. I feel like I oughta be sad, then I feel guilty for the fact I’m relieved instead. But if I really was that unhappy in it, why did I hang around so long? Maybe that was the best I deserved, y’know?”

“I know the feeling, yes, but I can’t say I agree with your statement. You deserve someone who sees you for who you are and adores it, not someone who loved what you once were and became bitter when you grew.”

Duck looks at the console between them, at Indrid’s chipped black nails and the hand he hopes isn’t shaking. He squeezes it a moment longer than necessary, “Thanks, ‘Drid. It’s nice to hear that from someone who’s still gettin to know me. Juno and them, they’re my friends, I know they’re in my corner but, uh, sometimes I worry that anyone new is gonna find me dull or somethin like that.”

“I’m sure some people would, just as some take one look at me and decide I’m a weirdo who they don’t want to deal with. But I can say with certainty that I don’t find you that way.”

Duck grins all the way to their destination. It’s a quirky trailer park full of amenities and built mostly from salvaged materials, doing it’s best to run off the grid. It also gives each trailer a theme, and Indrid flaps his hands when he sees they’ve been booked in the “The Cramps” themed one.

“Hell yeah.” Duck mirrors his excitement as they open the door. Their haven from the desert sun is full of kitschy horror artifacts and a much smaller bed than the previous spot. There’s no debate this time; Indrid settles on the right, Duck on the left, and they settle in for a nap before venturing out to work.

They take in the bar, the arcade, the mini-golf course, and the “couples supply room” (“damn, didn’t know they made eggnog scented massage oil” “ooh, I like how that smells”), but Duck turns out to be most excited to rent a stargazing kit and guide Indrid out into the dark desert. They’re on their backs, shoulder to shoulder and munching chocolate covered fruit, when he discovers the source of his glee.

“There!” Duck points to a crackling streak of silver.

“A meteor” Indrid wiggles happily as a second one speeds through his view.

“It’s the Perseids, and this is a damn good place to watch ‘em. Look, there’s another one.” He’s breathless each time and Indrid’s heart threatens to beat hard enough to crack the earth at the sound.

“Did you ever wish on stars when you were little?”

“Yep. Never asked for much worth notin, though I’m pretty sure I wished once to just wake up and be a boy. Or, uh, guess for everyone to see me as one. What about you?”

“I wished...I wished for someone to do things like this with, some who’d kiss me and tell me that they didn’t need to wish because what they wanted was right here.. I love the world, I want to see so much of it, that’s half the reason I chose my profession.. But when I was young I thought I’d be with someone when I did. I thought it was easy to find that kind of love. To be worthy of it.”

“Hey now” Duck rolls onto his side. He’s backlit by the moon, meteors zipping behind him as if they, just like Indrid, are pulled to him, “what happened to all the stuff you said in the car about deservin someone who adores you?”

“It’s easy to apply such things to you, harder to believe them about myself.”

“How come?”

“Because you are everything a sensible person could want in a man and I am not.”

“That’s where you’re wrong” He sets a hand next to Indrid’s shoulder, “Can think of at least one sensible fella who wants to get to know you a whole hell of a lot.”

“He’ll get to know me plenty, we’re co-workers.”

“There are different kinds of gettin to know someone.” Duck dips down, brushes their noses together, “for instance, the last few days I’ve gotten to know you’re a damn good travel companion and that Ned was smart to hire you. But I’ve also gotten to know there’s some things about you I really wanna know.”

“Such as?” Indrid’s fingers find Duck’s sides.

“Such as whether you wanna go on a date with me when we get back. No assignment, just the two of us gettin some time together.”

“I want nothing more.” He leans up to kiss him, feels him shudder happily when their lips meet. Indrid wonders how long it’s been since someone kissed Duck like they meant it, and resolves to make up any deficits with an enthusiasm that would put horny eighteen year olds to shame.

Indrid nips Ducks ear, “you know, were it not for the threat of mosquitos and scorpions, I’d suggest we make good use of the non-food items in that basket.”

Ducks grin lights Indrid up like a comet, “Then howsabout we go test just how conducive our trailer is to romance?”

Indrid kisses him adoringly, “Lead on, sweetheart; I’ll follow you anywhere.”

#indruck #indrid cold/ duck newton #meet ugy

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wiypt-writes · 3 years

Text

Stark Spangled Rebirth

Chapter 4: The Star Spangled Man With A Plan

Summary: As the SSR deals with the aftermath of the attempted theft of the serum by Hydra, Steve finds himself side-lined until he’s offered a golden opportunity to help fight the good fight…but it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be as he quickly finds out.

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Word Count: 7.5k

A/N: This series is my contribution of sorts to the CATF 10 Year Anniversary Challenge. As always, some creative liberties taken.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Star Spangled Rebirth Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 3

“Absolutely not!” Katie blazed her hands on her hips “That is NOT what Erskine was going to do.”

“Well Erskine isn’t here is he, in case it had escaped your notice.” Phillips bit back “And neither is the serum after the last vial of it was smashed out on Brooklyn Pier.”

Steve sighed, his head bowing a little.

“Erskine said that post the transformation, Steve was supposed to be monitored for twenty-four hours before he did any major physical activity.” Katie continued, “Given that, and what just happened, you seriously want to take his blood?”

“She has a point.” Howard stepped in. “Personally, I’m not sure it’s wise. Private Rogers should be given the rest of the day at least under observation as was the original plan, where we can run the physical tests Abe had been planning to do.” He took a deep breath and bowed his head slightly.

“We owe it to him to do this right.” Katie spoke again, her voice loaded with emotion as she turned her eyes to the Colonel. Phillips gave a little groan, dragging his hand down his face “We can take the samples tomorrow.”

“Do I get a say in any of this?” Steve spoke, surprising himself with his sudden forthright nature and Katie glanced at him.

“No.” She said simply, turning back to Phillips. Steve’s eyebrows shot up and he turned to look at Howard who was silently chuckling at his sister’s bossy nature. He gave a little shrug of his shoulders, and then his brown eyes turned back to watch as Katie stood looking at Phillips expectantly.

“You know, I’m beginning to rue the day I ever asked you two to join this team.” The Colonel shot, and Steve watched as Katie turned to Howard, smirking. “And wipe that look off of your face right now, Agent.”

“Sir.” She nodded, and then everyone’s attention was taken by Agent Carter as she walked back into the room.

“We have it.” She nodded, “The HYDRA Sub. It’s in the Tech Lab.”

“You wanna wait until tomorrow to work on that too? Perhaps, give that time to recover as well?” Phillips looked at Howard who snorted.

“You know they say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” He arched an eyebrow as he looked at Phillips, “But I prefer to think of it as a metric for potential. You’ll be a great man someday, Colonel Phillips.”

Katie’s shoulders began to shake and she turned back towards Steve who was watching the scene play out in front of him, utterly perplexed. He still couldn’t get his head round Katie’s blatant disregard for her Commanding Officer’s authority. Howard, well, he could understand that a little more as he wasn’t in the man’s chain of command but Katie was. And she seriously didn’t seem to give a shit.

“Do we have any more intel on Schmidt?” Phillips turned to Peggy who blinked and looked at him.

“No, Sir. Nothing,” she took a deep breath, “but I think after today it’s safe to say that was another thing Dr. Erskine was correct about. Schmidt clearly has ambitions beyond simply being Hitler’s Chief Scientist. I think we should consider the fact that he’s equally, if not more dangerous.”

At that Steve heard Erskine’s words from the previous night as clear and as loud as if the man were speaking them to him in person. Schmidt must become that superior man.

He cleared his throat a little and felt all eyes in the room turn to him. “I think Agent Carter is right, Sir.” Steve took a deep breath “Last night, Dr Erskine was explaining to me about Schmidt. He said that Schmidt is convinced that there is a great power hidden in the Earth, waiting to be found...”

“So he’s bonkers.” Phillips looked at Steve. “Terrific.”

“You know, we have forces out there fighting the Nazis.” Katie pondered for a moment, “Maybe the SSR needs to concentrate on HYDRA.”

Phillips looked at Katie, “You wanna chase HYDRA?”

She shrugged, “it seems logical to me. A lunatic Schmidt might be, but he clearly has a vast amount of followers that buy into the same rhetoric. That makes them dangerous.”

“And let’s not forget, HYDRA is, or was, Hitler’s deep science department. Now, Steve stopped them from getting the vial of Erskine’s completed formula, but who knows what else they have in their grasp.” Peggy added, “I saw a lot of things when I was under, a lot of things that if perfected could be disastrous. We chose to concentrate on Hitler as he had control of HYDRA. But, if Schmidt is going rogue as we suspect, then I’m afraid Sir,that as Agent Stark suggests, he could prove to be far more dangerous.”

“Just what we need,” Howard groaned, “two enemies to be fighting.”

“Oh pur-lease.” Katie looked at him. “Like you’re doing any actual fighting.”

“Shut up.” Howard glared at her, “You know as well as I do that I was plucked out for this instead of going to the front lines, just like you were.”

“The pair of you can take your squabbles outside.” Phillips looked at them, “I’m done. I need to brief Senator Brandt.” With that he turned to Peggy. “Get onto base and tell them they need to get into the President, inform him of our intentions so that he can approve them. You,” he then looked at Howard, “take a look at that sub, see what we’re dealing with from a technology point of view. As for you,” he looked at Katie, then to Steve, then back again. “take Rogers for whatever observations it was Erskine wanted to do. Then I suggest you all get a good night’s sleep. Back here at Zero-Six Hundred.”

With that he swept from the room leaving the four of them behind. Steve turned to Katie, his arms folded.

“You know, I don’t need a load of tests to tell you I’m fine. In fact, I’m more than fine. I feel, well, I feel better than I’ve ever felt in my life.”

“That maybe, but I’d feel better if you went along with it, please.”

“Oh, she’s serious, Rogers,” Howard smirked, “she said the magic word.”

At that Katie turned to glare at her brother, who held her gaze, his expression not faltering in the slightest. She threw him a positively filthy look before she turned back to Steve and he looked at her as she once more began to speak. “Erskine wanted to make sure that everything was okay, monitor the effects properly at least for twenty-four hours. We have no idea if it’s permanent, what it’s actually doing to you, whether the effects and transformation is still ongoing.”

“Okay, okay.” Steve held his hand up, giving her a nod, “Fine, I’ll submit for monitoring. On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Could someone please find me something to eat?” He looked around, his stomach giving a huge growl at the perfect moment to emphasise his point, “I’ve never been this hungry in my life, and believe me, I’m no stranger to living with an empty stomach.”

**** It turns out that Steve’s appetite had increased exponentially too, which was to be expected considering his metabolism was working far faster than it ever had before. He wolfed down a huge helping of Potato and Hot Dog salad, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, an assortment of vegetables and a huge helping of apple pie. He had no idea where Katie had managed to conjure it from, and frankly he didn’t care either. All he knew was that in that one sitting he’d consumed more food than he usually ate in a day.

The rest of the day was taken up with him being poked and prodded and attached to all sorts of strange machines. Howard explained what each of them was for, but he wasn’t paying much attention. His mind was whirring, finally processing what had happened in the last couple of hours. He had been so sure about what was going to happen post getting the serum, that he’d be shipped out to help in the fight and now he didn’t have a clue where he was going to go, especially if they were now going to refocus their efforts on HYDRA. That said, it was all helping the war effort wasn’t it? HYDRA was a huge threat, if he was able to help take them down in any way, shape or form, then he was ok with that.

One of the doctors and Howard started explaining to him what the serum had done and at that point he tuned in to some of it, picking out the odd phrase like ‘super strength’, ‘increased stamina’, ‘enhanced metabolism’, ‘fast healing’, ‘super-sharp senses’, ‘memory expansion’, ‘logical improvement’. Howard looked at him and explained that as far as he could see, the transformation was complete, and was as permanent as they could hope. But Erskine had said that the serum wasn’t infallible, therefore how long the effects would last into the future they didn’t know. Forty, maybe fifty years or so. Steve wasn’t particularly bothered about that though, by the time that happened he would be well into his sixties or seventies and would he really care then?

Katie arrived back just as the Doctor who had been dealing with him had instructed the nurse to remove the heart monitor form his chest.

“Hi.” She smiled and Steve turned to face her, fulling intending on greeting her back, but before he could, the Doctor made a little noise of surprise.

“What is it?” Howard asked and Steve hastily turned towards them, wondering what was wrong.

“His heart rate just spiked.”

Steve gulped and hastily looked away from Katie as Howard turned to face him. His eyes flicked from Steve, to his sister who was stood in the doorway, a bashful smile on her face but to her credit she held her brother’s gaze as the man gave a groan.

“Seriously?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” She mumbled, stepping into the room. “You done treating him like a guinea pig?”

“Hey, you were the one that insisted on the monitoring!” Howard pointed at her.

“Yes, because it was what Abe wanted,” she shrugged, “and I wanted to make sure everything was okay before you guys started stealing his blood like a pack of starving vampires.”

“Well you needn’t panic.” Howard arched an eyebrow. “The transformation seems to be text book. Your Super Soldier is as ready as can be.”

“Fuck you.” Katie shot back, and Howard gave a chuckle as Steve let out a little groan at the man’s teasing.

“That bad an idea huh, dating my sister?” Howard turned to Steve and he flushed immediately.

“That…no, I didn’t say that, I mean, not that we…”

“Ignore him Steve, he’s being a jerk.” Katie rolled her eyes. “And if he knows what’s good for him he’ll shut up before I knock his teeth out.”

“Threat received and understood, Kiddo.” Howard held his hands up as the Doctor bustled around and handed Steve back his t-shirt.

“You can leave now, Captain Rogers, but we would like you to stay here tonight.”

“Why?” Steve frowned as he pulled the SSR logo t-shirt over his head.

“Because I want to monitor your levels at complete rest.” The Doctor smiled. “Humour me, please.”

Steve shrugged as he swung his legs off the bed. “Sure.” It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to be.

“Your stuff is being brought over from the barracks.” Katie smiled softly.

“Any idea on where I’ll be going after that?” Steve stood up carefully, taking his time to pull himself up to his new full height.

Katie shrugged. “I suppose it depends on what Colonel Phillips and the President agree. I suspect we’ll head over to London HQ if we’re going after HYDRA in Europe, but we should find out tomorrow morning.”

“So, we have a free evening?” Howard looked at Katie.

“Well, sort of. Unless you want to get a head start on that submarine thing.” She waved her hand at the door.

“I don’t need a head start.” Howard shrugged, somewhat arrogantly, “I’m a genius, I’ll crack it tomorrow.”

Katie rolled her eyes, “You know I really admire your modesty.”

Howard chuckled, “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, what I was suggesting was that if we do have a free few hours, how about a drink? I got a bottle of vintage Macallan stashed in my lab.” He paused and Steve watched as his shoulders slumped a little and he took a deep breath before he looked back up at both Steve then to his sister. “Me and Abe had been saving it for tonight."

Katie took a deep breath before she walked over to her brother who wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug, gently kissing the top of her head. Steve looked away for a second, not wanting to intrude on the moment as he watched the doctor and nurse leave the room.

“We should have a toast to him,” Katie spoke, her voice cracking a little as she stepped away from Howard. She turned to Steve and smiled, “he’d have been proud this had worked.”

Steve nodded a little side smile pulling at his mouth as he remembered the banter he and Erskine had shared about the schnapps. With a nod he looked at Katie, the smile spreading further across his face. “He owed me a drink.”

*****

It was a strange night.

The three of them had shared a glass each of the smooth whiskey, which Steve had thoroughly enjoyed. It had tasted so smooth yet crisp. And he wasn’t sure if that was down to the fact it was stupidly expensive and high end, or the fact his taste-buds simply worked better. Howard hadn’t raised the issue of him and Katie again, for which Steve was glad. If he had been asked, he couldn’t say how he would have answered because he wasn’t entirely sure what they were. A casual fling? A hook up? He knew what he wanted it to be, but once again he was brought crashing back to reality. They were in the middle of a war. It was impossible.

Despite the myriad of thoughts and emotions running through his mind, Steve slept better than he had ever slept in his life. His chest wasn’t bad, he didn’t struggle for breath when he lay down flat meaning that for the first time he could remember he didn’t need to sleep propped up. Yet, on the other hand, he felt like he was waking up every five or ten minutes. The slightest sound or movement made by the various SSR staff nurses and guards milling around the small medical wing of the lab woke him thanks to his now enhanced, fine tuned senses. The Doctors and Howard had assured Steve that whilst it might take a while but once he was used to the heightening of his senses it would start to feel ‘normal’ to him in a way and he would learn to use them and appreciate them.

With a yawn, he cracked his head side to side as he raised it off the pillow. Whilst he didn’t know what time it was thanks to the lack of any natural light in the room, he knew that this time he wasn’t getting back to sleep. He climbed from his bed, stretched and waited for the usual pain to shoot down his back, but nothing. He then stood up, a little too fast and pitched forward before he steadied himself and drew up to his full new height, squaring his now broad shoulders back as he stood tall in his new posture. Again, Howard had told him he would soon learn to adjust his movements to compensate for the fact that he no longer needed to put as much effort into them. No sooner had he done that, a nurse appeared with his breakfast and she was followed by Agent Carter who wished him a good morning and then handed him a formal Army Uniform in his new size. With a soft smile and a thanks, he took it before laying it down on the bed, admiring the green wool and crisp shirt.

“When you’re ready then we’d like to take the blood samples.” Peggy spoke softly, “but there’s no rush. Take your time.”

“Rather just get it over and done with Ma’am.” Steve said politely and truthfully. The sooner he was done being prodded, poked and stabbed the sooner he could find out what was going on.

With that in mind he ate, washed up, dressed and was ready in half an hour flat. He was led out of the bunk room he’d been sleeping in and down the corridor back to the observation room he’d been in the previous day where he was instructed to roll up his sleeves and lay back as they proceeded to siphon off his blood. When they had one bag full they then hooked him up to another, and then another, the Doctor instructing him to tell them if he felt light headed but Steve had a suspicion that the enhancements to his body would simply enable him to generate more as fast as they took it. That said, by the time the third bag was full he was bored. Peggy seemed to sense it and she turned to the doctor who nodded and instructed everyone that they were done.

“Think you got enough?” Steve asked, somewhat sarcastically.

“Any hope of reproducing the program is locked in your genetic code.” Peggy replied simply, “but without Dr. Erskine, it could take years.”

“He deserved more than this.” Steve replied a little sadly and he meant it. The serum had been Erskine’s life work and now there was nothing to show for it as the last vial of the serum had been smashed on Brooklyn Pier.

“Well, if it could only work once, he’d be proud it was you,” Peggy looked at him.

Steve glanced at her, feeling a little embarrassed at her praise but he didn’t dwell on it and neither did she. Instead, she told him that once he was ready she’d take him down to the main lab were Phillips and Katie were talking to Senator Brandt about the plans for the SSR going forward. Keen to understand, he quickly sorted his shirt out.

He followed Peggy into the lab, his ears picking up the conversation as they entered.

“Speaking modestly, I’m the best mechanical engineer in this country,” Howard shrugged. “But I don’t know what’s inside this thing or how it works.”

“So much for not needing a head start, huh?” Katie teased and Howard glared at her before he turned back to Phillips.

“We’re not even close to this technology.”

“Then who is?” Senator Brandt demanded.

“HYDRA,” Phillips responded simply. “I’m sure you’ve been reading our briefings.”

“I’m on a number of committees, Colonel,” Brandt replied simply, completely unabashed at Phillips tone.

“HYDRA is the Nazi deep science division.” Katie explained

“It’s led by Johann Schmidt,” Peggy picked up, “but he has much bigger ambitions.”

“HYDRA’s practically a cult,” Phillips stated, “they worship Schmidt, they think he’s invincible.”

“So what are you gonna do about it?” Brandt asked and at that point Steve took a deep breath, finally he was about to find out what he was going to be doing.

“Spoke to the President this morning. As of today the SSR is being re-tasked.”

Katie and Peggy exchanged excited glances and Peggy looked back at Phillips, seeking clarification as she asked, “Colonel?”

“We are taking the fight to HYDRA,” Phillips looked at the woman. “Pack your bags Agent Carter. You too, Agent Stark,” he turned to Katie, “you’re flying to London tonight.”

Steve hesitated for a second, but when Phillips didn’t turn to speak to him and inform him where he was going, he hurried forward a little.

“Sir, if you’re going after Schmidt, I want in.”

“You’re an experiment,” Phillips shot back. “You’re going to Alamogordo.”

Steve frowned a little, but then pressed some more, he wasn’t letting this go.

“The serum worked,” his voice rose a little.

“I asked for an army and all I got was you. You are not enough.”

Katie wheeled round to look at Phillips, her face angry, “Oh, come on Sir, that’s-”

“I have put up with your insubordination for long enough. I don’t give a shit what you think, Agent Stark.” Philips snarled, “keep pushing me and so help me God, I will have you taken straight outta this unit and you’ll be back home typing up the Letters of Condolence.”

“But-”

“Enough!” Phillips snapped. “Now I suggest you disappear and pack.”

Katie took a deep breath, an angry noise escaping her throat as she turned and stormed away. Steve watched her go before he opened his mouth to argue some more with Phillips, but the man had already moved away.

They wanted to send him to a fucking research plant? Seriously? This was ridiculous.

“With all due respect to the Colonel, I think we may be missing the point,” Senator Brandt spoke to Steve and he turned to face the man. “I’ve seen you in action, Steve. More importantly, the country’s seen it.” Brandt turned to his aide. “Paper.” His aide obeyed, showing them the paper in his hand. It was today’s copy of the ‘The New York Examiner’ which bore the headline "Nazis in New York - Mystery Man Saves Child" along with a picture of Steve holding the car door in front of him.

“The enlistment lines have been around the block since your picture hit the newsstands," Brandt smiled at Steve. “You don’t take a soldier, a symbol like that, and hide him in a lab.” Steve felt a surge of hope flood his system as the Senator continued. “Son, do you want to serve your country on the most important battlefield of the war?”

“Sir, that’s all I want,” Steve replied honestly.

“Then, congratulations,” The Senator held his hand out for Steve to shake. “You just got promoted.”

**** Steve’s hopes were short lived when Brandt explained what he had in mind - using Steve to boost recruitment and bond sales. But he knew he was getting nowhere with Phillips, so he decided to take the role and could only hope that it would lead to something else. Besides, it was important to gather support. The Forces needed all the financial and recruitment help they could get, and he could play a key part in that.

So Brandt said.

“Hey…”

Steve looked up from where he was packing the few items he’d unpacked from his trunk and looked at Katie.

“Oh, hi.” He said, turning back to his packing.

“I hear congratulations are in order,” she continued and Steve took a deep breath, straightening up.

“Who told you?”

“Good news travel fast, Captain.” She stressed the last word and Steve had to actively stop himself from rolling his eyes. “That’s a pretty good promotion considering you’ve been a soldier all of a week.”

“Yeah, well, it was too good an opportunity to turn down. In fact, it was the only opportunity to turn down.” He watched her as she took a deep breath, opened her mouth, before closing it again. And then Steve really did roll his eyes, “if you’ve got something to say, spit it out, Katie.”

“Hey, don’t get pissy with me,” she snapped back.

“I’m not being-”

“Yes, you are,” she folded her arms. “It’s not my fault Phillips won’t let you in on this. I’ve tried, believe me, but for whatever reason he’s not moving.”

“He’s not moving because he doesn’t like me.” Steve replied simply.

“Well, that’s his loss," Katie countered. “And what’s with the sudden display of self-pity?”

“What?”

“This, moping around, acting all deflated.”

“It’s easy for you to say.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well you’re off, over there. Fighting the fight but me, well, looks like I’m gonna have to play ball with Senators doesn’t it?”

“You don’t have to do anything.”

“Yes, I do!” Steve’s voice rose and Katie blinked a little, but besides that she showed no signs of having registered his angry tone. “What choice do I have?”

“There’s always a choice, Steve.”

“Oh, yeah?” He snorted. “And my choice here is what? Go to the damned White Sands Proving Ground where they can run more tests on me? Keep me locked up like some kind of lab rat?”

“I didn’t say they were always good choices.”

“Well what do you think I should do huh?”

“That’s not for me to say.” Katie shook her head. “But I can tell you one thing....”

“What?”

“That I have faith in you to do what you feel is right, and continue to be the good man I know you are.” Her words were soft but they hit Steve like a freight train and he swallowed, suddenly aware of how down right shitty he’d been. “And if you’re telling me that it feels right that you go where Brandt wants you to go then…” she shrugged.

“I have to try.” Steve replied.

“Well, in that case, I’ll say what I came to say in the first place," she gave him a soft smile, “good luck.”

Steve took a deep breath and sighed, “Thanks. Look, I’m sorry I snapped. I just, well, truth be told I’m a little jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah, all I ever wanted was to be a soldier and to fight on the front lines. Like my dad did, and Bucky.” He sat down on the side of the bed, “And I agreed to this procedure because I thought it was my ticket there, ya know?”

“I get it,” Katie nodded, crossing the room to sit beside him. “And I understand how frustrated you feel, believe me.” He turned to look at her to see her glancing down at her hands before she looked up at a spot on the wall opposite them. “I just can’t say anything to make it better, other than repeat what I said before. I have absolute faith and belief that you’ll do what you think is right. And that’s all any of us can do.”

Steve looked straight in her eyes as they flickered across both of his and he took a deep breath, her words echoing round his mind. Throughout this, she and Erskine had been the two people who had utterly believed he was the best man for the job so to speak. Now Erskine was gone, and he was about to be separated from her as well. And it pained him to think about it, as he realised that he was going to miss her, for more than the simple reason that she’d been a friend to him.

“You know I’m sorry we met the way we did,” his thoughts blurted out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Katie frowned, “what?”

“No, I err…” Steve sighed and then gave a snort. “Guess the serum didn’t enhance my ability to talk to a dame without completely making a total screw up of it.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Katie smiled, “you do a decent job most of the time.” She paused as Steve gave a little huff of laughter before she turned her body a little more towards him, “what’s on your mind, Soldier?”

“I meant, I’m sorry that we met when we did. And, you know, not sooner.” He shrugged, looking down at his hands, “or maybe even later, when all this is over.”

“If it ever is,” Katie sighed and Steve raised his eyes to hers as she licked her lips a little. “Steve, I’m not sad I met you when I did. Quite the opposite actually. It’s been…” she paused for a moment before she smiled “…a little ray of hope in an otherwise very gloomy world.”

“Hope?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, “you know, a reminder that no matter how ugly the world seems or how much it changes, it’s still a beautiful place.”

Steve thought on her words for a second, a soft smile spreading across his face.

“What?” She asked as she noted his expression.

“You just remind me of my mom,” he smiled. “She was always a 'look on the bright side' kind of woman. No matter what life threw at us, she was always reminding me there were people far worse off.”

“She sounds like a smart lady.”

“She was,” Steve smiled with a short nod. “kind, compassionate. Just more ways you remind me of her.”

He didn’t miss the faint flush on Katie’s cheeks as she looked down at her hands and then raised her eyes to look at him, “I’m honoured.”

Steve took a deep breath, “I meant what I said the other night before we, you know.” He swallowed thickly, the lump in his throat felt like a tennis ball. “I like you, more than like you in fact.”

“Kinda sucks we’re about to be separated doesn’t it?” Katie looked at him, her eyes sad and he nodded.

“Yeah.”

“But, I’m a firm believer that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” Katie shrugged and at that Steve gave a scoff. She turned to him, a playful look on her face. “What, you don’t believe in fate?”

“Nope,” he shook his head, “you make your own luck.”

“Right.” A little side smile broke on her mouth, “you did a good job with that when you happened to be at the Expo the same time Erskine was.”

“Lucky coincidence.”

“And what was me getting accosted by a load of rapscallions in Brooklyn?”

“A not-so-lucky for you coincidence.” Steve shrugged.

“You know what the definition of the word coincidence is?”

“Not word for word, but I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.”

“Sass bag.” Katie nudged him with her elbow and he chuckled, “but you’re right, I am. It’s a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent casual connection.”

“And?”

“Fate is the development of events outside a person’s control.” Katie looked at him, her eyebrow arched, “just as a coincidence is beyond a person’s control. And if fate is what’s gonna happen to you no matter what you do, and coincidence is merely a matter of being in the right place at the right time, then what if you’re in the right place at the right time because it’s simply meant to be.”

Steve looked at her, utterly sideswiped at her sentiment. Whilst he wasn’t sure he agreed, the logic was surely there and the fact she’d laid it so bare, been so open with him knocked him for six. He saw her eyes flicker to his mouth again, and in a sudden surge of confidence he gently moved, taking her face in his hands and pulling her to meet him in a soft, gentle kiss that was loaded with meaning.

“Yup,” she sniffed a little as she pulled away and Steve was both surprised and horrified to see the tears in her eyes as she pressed her forehead to his, their noses bumping a little, “this definitely sucks.”

“Write to me,” he whispered, his thumbs swiping away her tears and she smiled, nodding, before she caught his lips again, this time the kiss was deeper, and Steve had to fight back the groan that was bubbling in his throat as he felt her tongue slide against his. They were interrupted by a loud noise outside and Katie pulled away, dropping her gaze a little before she sighed and stood up.

“Stay safe, Soldier,” she smiled, her hand gently cupping his cheek. “I’d hate for you to come back horrifically disfigured.”

At that Steve snorted, “would it put you off?” He teased, “I didn’t think you were that shallow.”

“I’m not,” she smiled as she made her way to the door. “It’d just be a helluva waste, a face like that.”

With that she was gone and Steve felt his smile fade, the warmth in his chest replaced by a hollow feeling which engulfed his entire body, as the realisation spread across him that he had no idea when he would see her again.

If indeed, at all.

****

November 1943.

“I already volunteered, how do you think I got here?”

“Nice boots, Tinkerbell…”

“Hey, Captain! Sign this”

The heckling from the assembled crowd rang through Steve’s mind as he sat dejectedly on the side of the stage, the miserable, cold rain matching his mood. His hand moved absentmindedly, shading in the drawing he’d sketched in his book. A very apt sketch of a Circus Monkey on a Unicycle clutching the damned shield he’d been given as part of his costume. It turns out the “battlefield” that Senator Brandt had been referring to was nothing more than a grotesque road show across the US and various other places on the Allied Map encouraging people to buy war bonds.

“The Senator's got a lot of pull up on the hill. You play ball with us, you’ll be leading your own platoon in no time.”

Yeah, a "platoon" of chorus girls and confetti cannons, complete with ‘Adolph’ himself. Steve had knocked him out countless times, and was still no closer to getting in on the real action.

He’d travelled all over the place during the last four months, the tour had been successful, and there was no denying that it was helping the effort in a way. “Bonds buy bullets, bullets kill Nazi’s bing bang boom.” But this wasn’t what he had signed up for. Nor did he believe for one second that this was what Dr. Erskine had in mind for how his serum would be put into use.

He’d made a few propaganda films, all part of the course according to Brandt who had then had the bright idea to send Captain America on the USO tour, to attempt to lift spirits. So here he was in Italy, five miles from the front line, having finally made it overseas as a soldier, only to be stood on a stage in front of the men he should have been fighting alongside, being pelted by rotten fruit and vegetables instead of bullets.

It didn’t help that he knew the SSR were fast ramping up their efforts on HYDRA, having been reassigned to somewhere in mainland Europe, not unlike himself at that point in time. He’d had a few letters from Katie, but he had no idea where she was. She didn’t go into details, which was to be expected, she couldn’t and her mail always reached him through the usual military channels. He’d tried to remain positive in his letters back to her, focussing on nights where had a particularly good show, meeting and greeting his ‘fans’ afterwards, carefully omitting details about the women that now seemed to be throwing themselves at him. Be it in bars, back stage or simply as he emerged from the venues; there was no shortage of ladies vying for his attention. And had he been that way inclined, he could have taken any number of them dancing and then back to wherever he was staying that night, but the fact was he didn’t want to.

Because no matter how pretty or forthcoming the girls were, his mind and heart remained with a certain green eyed agent.

It was ironic, when he thought about it. The Star Spangled Man with a Plan, the song dubbed him, yet Steve felt as if he had never had less of a plan in his life.

“Hello, Steve," a familiar voice spoke in his ear and Steve jerked his head up in surprise and turned, doing a little double take as he looked up at Katie.

“Hi,” he instantly felt his heart rate pick up dramatically in her presence, like it normally did as his eyes laid upon her. She was dressed in standard Army green wool pants that were tailored for a man with wide legs and long length that she tucked in to her well-worn mid-calf boots which were brown leather with lace protection straps and looked as if they had happily trudged through mud and been beaten until they broke in and needed new soles. Her unit issued jacket was the same colour green as her pants, but the harsh canvas material gave a weighted appearance across her shoulders as it was buttoned and zipped it up. Beneath it, she wore her wool tie and collared shirt, no doubt tucked into her trousers for a crisp clean look.

Steve noted how it was a stark (pun intended) difference to the previous smart pencil skirt and jacketed uniform he had seen her in at the SSR base which Peggy, who stood to her left, was still sporting. But then again, the two women were very different, and knowing Katie as he did, she wasn't one to conform and who knew what she had been up to whilst on the front line.

All it did was serve to make Steve feel even more self-conscious and ridiculous in his own outfit, designed for dancing and prancing around not active combat.

“What are you doin’ here?” He asked, his eyes flicking to Peggy before they returned to Katie again.

“Officially we’re not here at all,” Peggy smiled. “That was quite a performance.”

Great, they’d seen it. His shoulders slumped at little as he turned away.

“Yeah. Uh… I had to improvise a little bit. Crowds I’m used to are usually more uh, twelve.”

“Probably less full of jerks as well,” Katie snorted and Steve looked at her, his mouth curling into a slight smile as Peggy let out a sigh.

“You know what soldiers are like. Present company excepted of course,” Peggy quickly corrected herself as Steve had cocked any eyebrow at her sweeping assumption, before she turned to the other agent. “I warned you-“

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Katie replied with a roll of her eyes.

Peggy took a deep breath, before she turned back to Steve, swiftly changing the subject. “I understand you’re "America’s New Hope"?

“Bond sales take a ten percent bump in every state I visit,” Steve chanted off, the words flowing out of him the same way they did whenever he spoke to someone about the Roadshow and he grimaced as he realised just what a damned puppet he had become.

“Is that Senator Brandt I hear?” Katie teased and Steve took a deep breath.

“At least he’s got me doin’ this,” Steve felt a sudden need to defend his decision to take the role in the first place, especially after their conversation before he had left. “Phillips would have had me stuck in a lab.”

“And these are your only two options?” Peggy looked at him, nodding to his sketch book which was still open in his lap. “A lab rat or a dancing monkey?”

“You were meant for more than this, you know?” Katie added gently, and Steve looked at her, hesitating as his sarcastic reply died in his throat. Instead he looked away, a little dejected. She was right, he had been meant for more that was the whole point of him taking the serum. But even after he’d been turned into this Super Soldier, been given such power and capability, he still wasn’t enough.

“What?” Katie pressed gently, having noticed his hesitation.

“You know for the longest time I dreamed about coming overseas and being on the front lines. Serving my country. I finally get everything I wanted, and I’m wearing tights.”

Before either of the women could respond there was the sound of a horn honking which diverted their attention. Steve turned to watch as an ambulance pulled to a halt outside the medical tent. The back doors were flung open and several injured soldiers were pulled out of the back on stretches, nurses and medical staff rushing to help as they disappeared through the drapes of the tents, the walking wounded being helped down and aided as they limped behind.

“They look like they’ve been through hell,” Steve commented, a deep feeling of sadness at the sight of the injured men flooded his chest.

“These men more than most,” Peggy commented and Steve turned to look at her, a little confused as to what she meant.

“Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano,” Katie explained. “Two hundred men went up against him and less than fifty returned. Your audience contained what was left of the one-oh-seventh. The rest were killed or captured.”

Steve felt his chest tighten, as if someone had trapped it in a vice and his head momentarily span as the meaning of her words sank in.

“The one-oh-seventh?” He breathed out, begging it to be wrong. But Katie simply frowned as she gave a nod.

“What?”

Steve swallowed and looked around before he rose to his feet. “That was Bucky’s unit.” He turned to face her, his voice sounded alien as he almost choked on his words. Katie’s face slid into a look of recognition, her mouth falling open.

“Barnes?” She asked and Steve nodded, as he ran a hand down his face, once more glancing round desperately hoping for Bucky to appear and rip into him for his ridiculous outfit. But he knew that if Bucky had been in that audience, he would have already found him. Which meant that he was either amongst the injured soldiers in the tent or…

“Who’s Barnes?” Peggy asked form behind him.

“Steve’s friend from home,” Katie replied gently as Steve turned back to look at the women.

“I need to check if he’s there,” Steve nodded towards the medical tent.

“Not a good idea,” Peggy cut him off. “You saw their reaction to you before. If you go waltzing in you’re going to upset them.”

“I don’t really care,” Steve spluttered

“Well you should,” Peggy looked at him sternly.

“I have to know if he survived!”

“Okay, look…” Katie took a deep breath, and he tore his eyes away from Peggy who was still glaring at him to look instead at the other woman. “Phillips will have the list of the-“ she hesitated, clearly searching for the best word “-casualties. We can ask him.”

“Phillips is here too?” Steve frowned, although he wasn’t sure why that had surprised him. Decision made, he turned and started running across the camp shooting a, “come on,” over his shoulder as the heavy rain pelted down onto them all.

He busted into the tent, “Colonel Phillips,” and the man looked up, a disgruntled expression spread across his face before he took a deep breath and looked back down at the papers on his desk as Steve strode purposefully towards him.

“Well, if it isn’t the Star-Spangled Man with a plan, and what is your plan today?” Phillip’s voice was laced with sarcasm but Steve didn’t care. At the moment he had one thing on his mind, and that was Bucky.

“I need the casualty list from Azzano.”

“You don’t get to give me orders, son.” Phillips snapped, looking up at him once more and Steve ignored his angry tone, his stubbornness showing through as he continued to pres.

“I just need one name. Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.”

“You two and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won’t enjoy,” Phillips pointed to both Agent Carter and Katie in turn.

“Can’t wait," Katie sassed back and Phillips’ head shot up to look at her as he once more fixed her with a stare that could freeze over hell, but Steve didn’t have time for this.

“Please tell me if he’s alive, Sir. B-A-R…”

“I can spell,” the Colonel stated harshly as he tore his eyes from Katie. He looked at the papers in his hand and with a sigh dropped them to his desk and when he spoke his voice was a little softer. "I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I’m sorry."

Steve swallowed, a feeling of cold washing over his body as the Colonel's words sank in. It might sound familiar but there was a chance it could be another Barnes. It was a common name, after all, and even if it was Bucky’s name on the letter, he could be missing assumed dead, not actually confirmed dead. Peggy and Katie had told him before that there were still men from the unit trapped behind lines.

"What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?" The words tumbled out of his mouth before he’d really had time to consider them properly.

“Yeah! It’s called winning the war.”

Steve frowned, “but if you know where they are, why not at least…?"

Colonel Phillips stood up, the expression on his face belonged to a man who had just lost his final bit of patience. "They're thirty miles behind the lines, through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We'd lose more men than we'd save." He moved around the desk to stand in front of Steve, his hands falling to his hips as fixed him with a stern and challenging glare. "But I don't expect you to understand that, because you're a chorus girl."

Steve took a breath, the anger coursing inside him at the dig that Phillips had just made, but before he could say anything, he heard Katie scoff besides him.

“And who’s fault is that?”

Phillips turned to Katie, his face contorted in anger “You are this close…” he held his thumb and forefinger up a fraction of an inch apart.

Katie’s jaw clenched and her chin tipped up defiantly as she glared back at the man. Steve, having had chance to compose himself slightly now the spoke in an attempt to draw the attention back away from her and onto himself.

“I think I understand just fine.”

“Well then understand it somewhere else.” Phillips turned away. “If I read the posters correctly, you got some place to be in thirty minutes”

As he spoke the last words, Steve took note of the map which lay on the table and he noticed a flag marked with an H which caught his attention. And then, he made his decision.

The Star Spangled Man finally had a plan.

“Yes, sir. I do.”

***** Chapter 5

#Stark Spangled Rebirth #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic #captain america #CATFA 10th anniversary challenge #mcu #mcu fanfic #fanfic #chris evans #chris evans characters

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suzukiblu · 3 years

Note

I wish you would write a fic where there's age regression, and possibly more Kon/Conner. How do you age-regress a quick-aged genetic experiment? Or, conversely, Conner takes care of an age-regressed teammate (and has no idea what he's doing)!

I LOVE age regression but I like neeeeever write it, it's such a weird oversight on my part. I actually even HAVE an unfinished YJ fic about the whole team getting de-aged that's just, like, chilling in my docs. I never figured out where it was going aside from "making things weird for Superman", though, although I really liked it at the time.

So hey, you know what, have a read more:

There's some kind of fuss going on around Young Justice, although Clark isn't sure what. He overhears Hal and Dinah bickering about something to do with Artemis and Speedy—Red Arrow, although “Speedy” is so much clearer a memory—but they don't go into detail. Something about mad science and a mission gone wrong and . . . Lunchables?

Clark very rarely mishears things, but that he is CERTAIN he did.

It isn't his business, though, so he doesn't ask for clarification. If the League needs his help, they'll ask him; otherwise it has nothing to do with him.

Unfortunately, then Bruce actually asks for his help.

There's no excuse good enough to get by Batman, and so Clark finds himself materializing inside Mount Justice with the halfhearted hope that they just need something improbably heavy moved—ANYTHING that will just take a moment, in and out. Oddly, there's no one waiting to meet him, although he can hear arguing and laughter and running water and a dozen other sounds of life from different corners of the mountain.

Closer, and more concerning, he can hear tears.

Clark ignores the other voices and Bruce's distant, Kevlar-muffled heartbeat to follow the tiny, hitched breaths down the hall. He doesn't have to go far.

There's a little boy curled up in a shadowed alcove not even big enough to be a broom closet, five years old if he's a day and wearing a black T-shirt and cargo pants and oddly heavy-looking boots. He looks wounded and small and brokenhearted from the lie of his shoulders alone.

Clark stares in bemusement for a moment—a child THIS young in Mount Justice?—but another muffled sob takes immediate precedence and he drops into a crouch just outside the boy's personal space.

“Are you alright?” he asks gently, and the boy jumps in surprise and jerks his head up. He has the most ENORMOUS blue eyes Clark thinks he's ever seen, and also the most horrified.

“I wasn't crying!” the boy blurts, still crying, and scrubs the tears away frantically.

“It's fine if you were,” Clark tells him, gentling his voice even more, and the boy looks at him like the world just ended. Blue eyes, black hair, broken heart; he remembers Dick four years ago, remembers what happened to make Dick ROBIN. Wonders what Bruce is doing, exactly, and if THIS is the emergency he is supposed to help with.

“YOU wouldn't,” the boy says, hiccuping around another sob, and Clark just smiles reassuringly at him.

“Everyone does,” he says, and fresh tears well in the boy's eyes and he turns his face into the corner, huddled up so small it actually HURTS to see. Clark is used to misery, he has seen more of it than he can stand to remember, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch.

He could ask what happened, what is so upsetting, but doesn't want the boy to have to think about what's making him cry like that, so devastated and LONELY in a place full of people, and so instead reaches out and rests a hand on his shoulder, carefully. The boy freezes, sobs and breath and HEART all stopping, and Clark lightens the contact, but doesn't quite withdraw.

“Are you hurt?” he asks with all the gentleness he would usually reserve for restraining the full scope of Superman's strength down into catching a falling body, embracing a victim, kissing a loved one. The boy SHUDDERS and starts back up again, tears falling faster and his attempts to respond all breaking up too much to finish. Finally he just shakes his head, HARD, and buries his face back in his arms.

He is so small.

“Is there something I can do for you?” Clark asks, and the boy just cries HARDER, somehow, and now he's concerned because how can every attempt to do something for the boy make him that much more UPSET? All the power in the world means nothing when he can't help a person who's in pieces.

There's a shriek somewhere in the base, loud and childish and startlingly giddy in comparison to this moment, and Clark startles slightly and looks towards it, automatically dropping the hand on the boy's shoulder to touch his earpiece, meaning to call Bruce and ask what, exactly, is going on here—but then the boy whimpers.

But no. “Whimper” is not enough of a word, “whimper” cannot possibly contain the pain and DESPAIR in that sound, the way it TEARS out of the boy and through Clark worse than any other kind of hit, worse than perhaps ANYTHING.

“It's alright,” he says, fast, forgetting about the communicator altogether and reaching out again. “Shhh, it's alright, it's alright, son—”

The boy SOBS.

Clark has never in his life heard a worse sound than that sob.

Something like panic flits through him, he doesn't even know where from, and he barely keeps himself from grabbing the boy and yanking him to his chest—it would be too hard, too sudden, too frightening for an already distraught child. The moment it takes him to force down the driving NEED to is literally painful, and when it passes it still doesn't really pass.

Clark takes off his cape, carefully, and wraps the boy up in it—hides him in it, he admits to himself, but it's not hard to admit when the boy himself seems to welcome the idea of vanishing inside its folds. He picks him up in one arm, cradles him in the crook of it, and the boy curls up as tight as if he really COULD disappear. The sobbing dies down into almost-silence, barely more than hitched breath again, and Clark holds him close and heads towards the sound of people. He can't help the child if he doesn't know what's wrong, and clearly the boy's in no condition to explain what's happened to him for himself.

He thinks of plenty of awful possibilities on the way, but doesn't get halfway there before a sudden blur of black and red and yellow tears down the hall and skids to a stop in front of him, solidifying into two more small boys, although not as small as the one in his arms.

Infinitely more recognizable, though.

Clark blinks, and looks down at a brightly grinning nine-year old Robin riding piggyback on a beaming Kid Flash . . . that IS Kid Flash, isn't it, he thinks, except he can't be a day past nine himself, and Kid Flash DEFINITELY never wore that suit or ran like that when he was nine.

NEITHER of them should be nine.

“What . . .” he starts, slowly, and the boy in his arms peers out from underneath his cape and sniffles, once.

“Found him!” Kid Flash yells back down the hall, and Robin throws both hands up in the air with a crow of triumph, falling off Kid Flash's back into an effortless back walkover in the process.

“We win!” he says gleefully. “Go Team Batflash, suck it, Team Aquamartian and Double-Arrow!”

“'BATflash'? Why isn't it FlashBAT?” Kid Flash demands indignantly, and Robin just laughs condescendingly and reaches up to give his head a little pat.

“Oh please, it is SO Batflash,” he says. Clark stares down at both of them with a certain sinking feeling, and the boy in his arms scrubs at his tear-streaked face again, and the cape slips lower and for the first time he sees the front of the boy's shirt.

Sees the symbol on the front of the boy's shirt.

He hears a Kevlar-muffled heartbeat and then Bruce is there, staring evenly at him. For a moment Clark is . . . shaken, that is the only word for it, and then Bruce's arms are up and then he's completely bemused, because it LOOKS like Bruce wants him to give him . . .

“Superboy,” Bruce says, and the boy fumbles out of his cape and his arms and into BRUCE'S and latches on, latches on so hard Bruce's body armor audibly CREAKS. Clark feels a sudden irrational rush of frustration—Superboy did anything BUT hold onto him—and then everything actually sinks in.

“What happened?” he manages, or mostly manages, still holding his empty cape and feeling . . . feeling very strange for it. Kid Flash starts babbling at super-speed, Robin too busy scowling sulkily up at Superboy to properly contribute, and it's not very different from overhearing Hal and Dinah—mad science and a mission gone wrong and Black Canary totally bought them all Lunchables she is the AWESOMEST EVER—except this time Clark is actually listening.

This time it has something to DO with him.

“I see,” Clark says when Kid Flash finally runs out of air and falls over gasping, taking Robin down with him. Robin yelps, and Kid Flash laughs breathlessly, and they scuffle for no apparent reason. Superboy is still hiding against Bruce, holding on with that Kevlar-creaking grip.

Then it occurs to Clark that he's been too busy staring at Superboy to pay attention to Bruce, and his eyes flick to the other man's.

It . . . takes a lot of distraction to not notice Bruce has been glaring at you.

To not notice BATMAN has been glaring at you.

“You're late,” Bruce says, sharply.

“You only called ten minutes ago,” Clark reminds him, and Bruce's lips thin and even without the X-ray vision Clark can read the look the other is sending him: you could've been here in two. It's not that he . . . he didn't mean to AVOID . . .

He didn't want to come, Clark admits to himself, and his eyes trail back down to Superboy like all the weight of creation is calling them down. If he has ever, ever held that weight, this is that moment. But why should it be, he wonders, why NOW—

What a stupid question, he thinks, watching the closest thing he will ever have to blood hide from him in such obvious shame and fear.

“Superboy,” he says, slowly, and Superboy flinches. Kevlar creaks, and Bruce's lips go even thinner; Clark doesn't have to be Superman to know that HURT. But Bruce doesn't say a word or change his grip at all, and . . . and Clark remembers being a child, remembers running into Pa's arms crying and covered in mud and Pa hadn't cared about getting his good suit dirty; remembers Ma wrapping her arms around him when he slipped in shivering from sleet and rain, not minding the icy meltwater soaking into her dress. Remembers growing older, watching other families, and thinking that parents who did things like that were the best anyone could hope for.

Remembers finding out he would never BE a parent, because he wasn't human. Because Kryptonians and humans couldn't crossbreed. Because he was the last and would ALWAYS be, because he was going to die someday and so would EVERYTHING of his people, everything his birth parents had wanted to SAVE—

Clark is aware, very suddenly, that he is responsible for Superboy's existence. He is the one who decided to put on the cape. He is the one who decided to BE the cape.

He made Superman, and no one would ever have made Superboy if he hadn't.

He made a choice.

He made a choice, and that means . . .

Bruce inhales, a little stiffly with the way Superboy is crushing his body armor, and turns on his heel and walks away. Robin and Kid Flash tear after him, Robin grabbing the edge of his cape like a little . . . like a child, of course, Clark thinks, and follows as well.

Superboy is still hiding from him.

“Batman,” he starts, but doesn't know where to go from there. Bruce ignores him, and Clark struggles for words, for SOMETHING that will . . . for something. Robin disappears under Bruce's cape, Kid Flash bolts restlessly from place to place in the hall, almost fast enough to blur to even Clark's vision, and Superboy never releases his grip on Bruce's armor or lifts his head.

They come to the end of the hall, and it opens into a common room; Dinah looks up, her face flushed and upset and a boy who can't be more than one or two sniffling in her arms, chubby little hands covering his masked face. Red Arrow, Clark recognizes immediately, because Dinah could not possibly look like that for anyone else, and that armored and forbidding costume looks so ODD on a child so small—as odd as Superboy's steel-toed boots. Artemis is scowling angrily, arms crossed in a defensive posture, and she is all skinny limbs and knobby knees, twelve years old if she's a day. Kid Flash and Robin immediately fix her with matching scowls.

“What'd you do to Speedy?” they demand in near-perfect indignant unison, and Artemis GLOWERS.

“Nothing!” she snaps. “He just wants Green Arrow and Green Arrow's still in Star City, it's not MY fault he's too stupid to understand, y'know!”

“I bet you were a jerk to him again!” Kid Flash accuses, pointing at her.

“I was NOT!” Artemis fumes.

“Then how come he always ends up cryin' whenever we leave him with you?” Robin asks grumpily, foot tap-tap-tapping erratically against the floor and fingers fisting tighter in Bruce's cape. He keeps sneaking glances that are closer to glares up at Superboy, and Clark, irrationally, wants to scold him for it—as if that were even his place, in regards to either boy.

“'Cause he's STUPID, I told you!” Artemis snaps back, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder, and Dinah grits her teeth.

“That's ENOUGH,” she says sharply, cradling Red Arrow tighter to herself, and he sniffles again and grabs at her hair with his sticky little tear and snot-stained gloves, burying his equally sticky little face in it. Dinah's expression turns pained, but she doesn't shoo him away. “I'm going to kill Ollie,” she says, in a surprisingly sweet tone, and pats Red Arrow's back soothingly.

“Wan' OWWY!” Red Arrow wails, and the children all cringe at the volume, clapping their hands over their ears. Clark barely represses the urge to do the same.

“There, there, darling, Ollie's coming,” Dinah croons, swaying gently and stroking a hand through Red Arrow's hair. “And he'll probably bring a camera and NEVER let you live this down, oh no he won't. And blubber all over you, that too, yes!”

Clark considers asking what Red Arrow was even DOING with Young Justice and also if anyone in the room even slightly cares about Green Arrow's secret identity, but decides there's not much point. He's more curious about the fact that the kids have somehow all turned out vastly different ages despite apparently having been hit with the same still-unidentified ray—with the exception of Robin and Kid Flash, that is, but even that's strange considering they were different ages to start with, and the gaps between one and eighteen and twelve and fifteen are MILES more than that. As for Superboy . . .

Clark's not even sure Superboy ever actually WAS five years old, and if he was it probably didn't last this long.

“Is Red Tornado still with Aqualad and Miss Martian?” Bruce asks, and Dinah nods, looking weary but almost amused despite that.

“Aqualad INSISTED on checking the pool and showers for Superboy,” she says. “He seemed pretty convinced no one could possibly want to hide anywhere dry if they were feeling sad.”

“Well, we HAVE found him holed up in the showers before,” Artemis says, tugging absently at the bottom of her ponytail. “They kinda remind him of his pod, y'know? But they're, y'know, probably too big now.” Bruce grunts assent, and Clark remembers how tight the alcove he found Superboy tucked into was, and feels . . . strange about it.

He should have the whole SKY, something whispers in the back of his head. He should have wide open fields and miles and miles where the only buildings are barns and silos and little houses and there aren't even trees or planes overhead, where everything is flat and bright and clear and ENDLESS.

“Contact Miss Martian and inform her we've found Superboy,” Bruce tells the—currently—older children, and they all nod and squeeze their eyes shut tight with extremely concentrated expressions. Clark wonders when Bruce is going to put Superboy down. That can't be COMFORTABLE, being held onto that tightly for so long; the merciless grip of Superboy's small arms probably feels like being slowly crushed.

Clark isn't sure how strong the boy actually is, of course, because Superboy wasn't holding onto him at all when he carried him, much less holding on that hard. Much stronger than he was at that age, he knows, just like Kid Flash is much faster than he should be and Robin and Artemis both a little too graceful.

He should say something, he thinks in the silence, but then Red Arrow starts sniffling again and Dinah starts singing him a lilty little Irish lullaby and Robin and Kid Flash immediately swarm her while Artemis pretends not to be perking up curiously, and Superboy lifts his face just a little, just for a moment.

Then he sees Clark, and hides it again.

That's . . .

“We're here, we're here!” a loud, childish voice shouts, and Miss Martian darts into the room on chubby little-girl legs, huffing and puffing excitedly and with her cape all tangled up around her shoulders. She looks five or six, and Aqualad who's right on her heels with a worried expression and attempting to untangle her might be seven. Red Tornado follows them in, apparently unconcerned about the clothing issue, and Miss Martian hops up into the air and starts tugging at Superboy's shirt. “Superboy, don't be—don't be scared, you're not lost anymore! We found you!”

“WE found him!” Robin protests indignantly, scowling up at her.

“Superman found him,” Batman corrects, visibly unimpressed, and it's the most acknowledgment Clark's had from anyone in the conversation since they left the hall. He tries to take it as reason to speak, but the right words won't come—they never do, when it's about Superboy.

“Superman doesn't count,” Kid Flash says, glowering with startling vehemence, more startling for the way Robin and Artemis match it. Even Miss Martian frowns, although on her it looks closer to a pout, and Aqualad just sighs and reaches up to tug lightly at the bottom of Superboy's shirt, so small and so serious.

“Superboy, do you want to come play with us?” he asks, the picture of a too-responsible and too-concerned little boy. “It is your turn to pick the game.”

“I don't know any games,” Superboy mumbles, still hiding against Bruce. “Just the ones you guys taught me today.”

“Which was your favorite? We can play that one again,” Aqualad suggests, and Superboy finally peers down at him. He still looks uncomfortable and unhappy, but not so upset anymore—thirty seconds, and Aqualad has calmed and comforted Superboy in a way Clark hadn't even come CLOSE to when he'd tried.

Annnnnd that's as far as I ever got, alas. But I did really enjoy writing it, so I'm all for an excuse to share it, haha.

#percygranger #rintalk

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ascalonianpicnic · 3 years

Text

so the twisted marionette is back and it seems like a good time for this~ @mystery-salad requested I do an essay on Scarlet and discrimination in STEM so~

Warning: discussions of sexism, racism, and ableism. If I got anything wrong (in terms of real world issues) or was disrespectful in any way about certain subjects please let me know

Hey, let's talk about Scarlet Briar.

More specifically, I wanna talk about Ceara, and how she became Scarlet Briar. Because I'm a gay mathematician and former computer science major, and I think Scarlet is cool.

So let's start here. STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) is a heavily male dominated set of fields and career paths. A few decades back in the real world, there was this deep set societal belief, at least in western society, that cis women were just "worse" at STEM related things like math and chemistry. It's not as visible of an issue now, but, like I said, STEM fields are still really male dominated, and that's because STEM fields still have a massive issue with sexism. Women have full on left the field due to the sexism they faced in workplaces in just the last decade. Trans women in STEM share really interesting and important personal accounts about how before transitioning, they were treated with respect, offered high level jobs, and entrusted with loads of responsibility, and how post transition, despite having even more experience, are offered significantly lower level jobs, worse pay, and are all around treated like they know less. STEM has a sexism problem.

So, why is this important to Scarlet? Well, her backstory and her life before Omadd's Machine actually tie in to this real world issue in a really fascinating way. It's about Respect. And Scarlet's story is about how she was denied respect over and over, because she was a sylvari, because she was a woman, and because she was neurodivergent. Let's talk about Ceara.

Ceara was a sylvari secondborn, and an engineer from the start. She emerged from the Pale Tree when her race was still brand new to the world and largely unknown. She spent 8 years of her life studying all the Grove had to offer her about mechanics and nature and the universe. She was born curious and as such, was determined to learn everything and anything she could get her hands on. After her time in the Grove, Ceara left, off to find new teachers and extend her knowledge further. After the Grove cane Beigarth, a famed norn smith. He gladly took Ceara under his wing, seeing her genius and potential. For a year, she trained under him, his best student. Then, much to his dismay, she left, feeling she had learned all he could offer about what she wanted to know. She moved south, going to study under iron legion gladium and demolitionist Asagai. Asagai was an old charr, and it took some convincing on Ceara's end, but she eventually took the sylvari in and taught her about gunsmithing and artillery. And after two years, Ceara moved on again, this time heading for Rata Sum and its colleges.

The asura of Rata Sum did Not like Ceara. She had to fight to be allowed to study at the colleges. She won in the end, being admitted into the college of Dynamics. Within a year, she finished the course work, and, feeling like she was finally getting somewhere, she applied again, this time getting admitted to Statics. Two years and two colleges down, at the top of her class both times, Scarlet still wanted more. The Arcane council was curious now if she could keep this streak up, so they let her enter Synergetics. This was what she had been looking for, and she got deep into her studies, taking her time. The Arcane council was unimpressed with her work at best. While not driven from the colleges, she found herself being walked off and looked down on more and more, so she sought other sources. These other sources, both of knowledge and support, came from the inquest, and it wasn't long before she fell in deep. It didn't last, however. When the krewe she was working with ran into trouble, she was abandoned as a scapegoat, and thrown out of the asuran colleges. She wandered on her own for a while, taking the time to study alchemy with the michotl hylek, but mostly keeping to herself. Until Omadd found her, pulled her back into his personal research, and, with her help, built Omadd's machine. Once it was finished, Ceara walked in, and Scarlet walked out.

Sexism in STEM means that people perceived as female are often perceived as knowing or understanding less than they actually do. It's because of this that you'll find young cis male students in STEM classes trying to correct or speak over their female presenting professors. It's why you'll find men at science conferences telling the women presenting for certain topics that they don't seem to understand the topic they're covering or grasp the basics that well, and then recommending or referencing books and research papers written by these women. It means that women will often be overlooked for internships, research positions, and grants. And that is the sort of thing Scarlet faced as a young woman trying to learn everything she could. She had to work for the apprenticeships she could get, and with Beigarth, despite how highly he thought of her, she had to work harder to prove she was ready for more each step of the way. Finding anyone to teach her at all among the charr was a struggle, until an older woman took her in. And no one in Rata Sum took her seriously.

There was more than just the fact that Scarlet was a woman at play with Rata Sum though. As stated, STEM has a bad sexism problem. But that's not all. STEM isn't just mostly men, but also mostly white men, and as such, the fields have a bit of a racism problem as well. Personally, I can only speak so much to this as I myself am white, have never faced racism, and never will face racism. I do know that the intelligence, skill, and effort of people of color goes largely unacknowledged. They will be denied the same opportunities and respect that their white peers receive, and their work and contributions will be ignored, exploited, and stolen.

Racism in Tyria isn't the same as it is in the real world, though it is still present there, and prevalent. And it is something Scarlet has to face and struggle with repeatedly as a sylvari. The sylvari are young and new to Tyria. Because of this, the other prominent groups all tend to think of sylvari as innocent, ignorant, and overly naive. The asura are especially bad about this. They already think of themselves as the smartest of Tyria's inhabitants, above everyone else. And when they first encounter the sylvari, the asura refuse to believe this new group could even be sentient. So, when 11 year old Ceara shows up at the colleges, the Arcane Council and the asura in general doubt she could possibly understand asuran studies. She's a sylvari, after all, and just a girl on top of that. There's surely no way she could keep up.

So when this young sylvari girl finishes at the top of her class in just a year, not once but twice, the Arcane council is intrigued. They don't respect her. They don't hold her work in high esteem. But they do want to know if this is some sort of fluke or if she can do it again. So she's admitted into the third and final college, and when she gets caught up in her studies, genuinely interested and invested in what she's learning and wanting to take her time to take it all in, the Council is disappointed. Never mind that Scarlet has already done what no other non-asura has. She took too long doing what she loved, learning, so the Council dismisses her, and dismisses her hard work. Her theories are looked down upon and ignored, and she is left with only support from Omadd, who can use her and her theories for his own gain, and the inquest. Omadd and the inquest make her feel valued and respected. The inquest let's her try anything she wants, it lets her really explore the fields of study she's most drawn to. The inquest makes sure to profit off her hard work and, when it comes down to it, the inquest leaves her to take the fall for everything. It's easy, after all, to pin the blame on someone already so looked down on by the society she's in. Scarlet is kicked out of the colleges and the city. She loses her access to information, her belongings, and even her own research and findings. All her hard work, taken from her because the inquest was more than glad to use a sylvari.

And then of course, there's Omadd. He was glad to have Scarlet as a lab assistant, and endlessly fascinated by and supportive of her work. So once she's gone from Rata Sum, he leaves too, taking her research and starting on his own personal project. He gets stuck, he seeks Scarlet out, and he convinces her to help him again. Once Scarlet is back on board, the project goes smoothly and the two construct Omadd's Machine. Omadd's. Despite being built off Scarlet's theories and research, despite her being integral to the construction of this machine, it's Omadd's and it carries his name. Funny how that happens, isn't it? And once the machine is up and running, he thinks Scarlet should test it first. Who knows what could happen in there, better to leave it up to the assistant to try it out, and frame it as her getting the honor of the first try. As we all know, it goes poorly. Scarlet learns so much more, all the knowledge she had been seeking for over a decade, but in return, the seeds of Mordremoth are planted in her mind and slowly take over, destroying her.

Now Scarlet, who has been used and devalued and disrespected and infantilized every step of the way, her whole life, is going to start tearing down the things that held her back for so long. She just needs a plan, and with the help of a certain sleeping dragon, one begins to form.

There's something I glossed over earlier that is so important to note, and that's how Scarlet was treated in the Grove. Now, it's been stated explicitly by Scott McGough, a narrative designer for the fame, that Scarlet emerged with lacking empathy. Low empathy doesn't make Scarlet, or anyone, a bad person. It's sometimes a symptom of autism, as well as some personality disorders, and it does affect how Scarlet is treated. As an autistic person myself, Scarlet very much reads as autistic to me, between low empathy, a one track mind, and an intense special interest in the universe and its mechanics. She has a hard time connecting with others, is easily bored by subjects that don't relate back to her special interest, can focus intently on and get caught up in her work, and doesn't really get social graces or expectations. Regardless of any diagnosis she would have if she existed in our world, Scarlet is treated differently due to her low empathy, a trait she cannot help about herself.

From the moment she emerges in the Grove, she is treated differently. She is talked down to. Her desire to take in her first sights and how it overwhelms her is dismissed as overconfidence and rudeness. Her own brother, barely older than her, talks like he knows so much more than her. Scarlet is an outsider among her own people. How does it feel to have low empathy among a race connected to each other deeply through empathy? Probably not great. Her studies in the Grove are limited, she is treated as rude and prideful for wanting to be independent and needing space. Rather than being accommodated, rather than being understood, Scarlet is infantilized, dismissed, and disregarded. She isn't neurotypical. She was born different. She's punished for it.

When she emerges from Omadd's Machine, made from her own hard work and creativity, Scarlet Briar is a young woman who has frequently been overlooked and rarely understood. All these thoughts and ideas, all this passion, and the only people who have ever even seemed to understand her have used and betrayed her so thoroughly. Scarlet Briar has always had to look out for and take care of herself, as a woman, as a sylvari, as someone who is neurodivergent and is in a field that doesn't respect a single aspect of her identity. The world won't accommodate her and the world won't take her seriously. So why shouldn't she show the world what she can do? Why not force everyone to recognize her for who she is? Why not give in just a little to that voice that has been calling to her in her nightmares since she left the machine? After all, it promises power and recognition and a sense of belonging.

#gw2 #guild wars 2 #scarlet briar #my essays #anyway uvu

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yikesharringrove · 3 years

Text

Earn It

My contribution to the @harringroveholidayexchange for @confettibites 💕

Read on ao3

This is a bit different to how I usually write the boys, I hope you enjoy!

(there’s some smut)

“Hey! Harrington!”

Steve rolled his shoulders back, steeling himself for whatever nightmare this was about to be.

Billy Hargrove was walking briskly over to him, crossing the gym in long strides.

“Let’s talk, man.” He yanked Steve’s elbow, pulling him out the door and into the November cold.

Billy had left him alone during practice, had actually played on the shirts scrimmage team with Steve instead of trying his very best to climb inside Steve’s skin in the name of defense.

He only stopped when they were well down the alleyway between the gym and the science department.

“What the fuck do you want?”

Steve was already really over today.

He had to come into school, already had a failing grade in his history course from skipping so many boring lectures.

And everyone had been staring, staring at his face and whispering about who beat up King Steve.

And that who was standing right in front of him, staring him down like an animal, not saying anything.

Steve just sat in one hip, putting his hands on his hips.

“You got something to say, Hargrove?”

“It was fucked up.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“You shouldn’t’ve lied to me.”

Steve’s stomach dropped.

No fucking way was this asshole blaming him for what had gone down. Blaming him for beating Steve until he was fucking unconscious.

“You’re fucking insane.” And maybe Steve should’ve seen it earlier, should’ve seen it that first night when Billy climbed over furniture to glower at him up close. Really should’ve seen it last night when Billy slammed a plate over his head and made his world spin for a few hours. “You’re absolutely crazy.”

Billy huffed, rolling his eyes and digging in his pockets.

He brought out a crumpled back of Marlboro reds, lighting one and sucking on it harshly.

He blew the smoke in Steve’s face.

“I’m not good at this.”

“Clearly.”

Billy huffed again.

“You shouldn’t’ve lied to me. That shit, it makes me fuckin’ mad. And I, I didn’t even fuckin’ see you. Just, just kept swingin’.”

“Real interesting how you couldn’t see me when every hit seemed to land so nicely on my face.”

Steve was seriously over this conversation. He just wanted to go home.

“I didn’t say couldn’t, Dumbshit. I meant didn’t. It wasn’t you, that I was-” he cut himself off with another long drag on his cigarette. “Just don’t pull that shit again, and we’ll be square.”

“See, Hargrove, I don’t even know what shit I pulled. All I was doing was stopping you from murdering a child.”

“Wasn’t gonna do nothin’ to the kid.” Steve rolled his eyes. “Really. Just had to, prove a point, I guess.”

“What point was that? That you’re a racist sack of shit?”

Billy glared at Steve.

Steve glared back.

This asshole didn’t scare him.

Billy broke eye contact first.

“No. The point, Harrington, is more nuanced than I could ever expect your little pea brain to understand.”

“Man, this is the worst fuckin’ apology I’ve ever fuckin’ heard.”

“You think this is an apology?”

“I think it’s a shitty one.”

“This isn’t an apology. I don’t give a flying fuck what you think about me, Harrington. This is a warning. Not to stick your big ugly nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“You brought my big ugly nose into it when you tried to break it last night.”

“Oh, please. If I was aiming to do any real damage, you’d be fuckin’ obliterated right now.”

“Almost was.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re shit at fighting.”

And for some reason, some unknown heinous reason Steve didn’t want to understand, he had to fight back a smile at that one.

“Just ‘cause I don’t fight dirty. Breaking fucking plates and shit.”

“That’s not fighting dirty, that’s fighting smart.”

And again, Steve was almost smiling at this crazy asshole while they talked about the way he nearly caved Steve’s face in last night.

Billy blew out some more smoke, flicking his cigarette to the ground and grinding it out with the toe of his sneaker.

“I’m not gonna get on my knees and beg your forgiveness, ‘cause like I said, Harrington; I don’t give a shit what you think of me.” Steve switched his weight, sitting in his other hip, hands still on his hips. Billy looked up at the sky, the grey clouds hanging low over them. “It was kinda fucked up of me to rearrange your pretty face like that.”

The way Billy spoke sometimes knocked the wind out of Steve.

The way he said pretty face wasn’t in a mocking way.

He said it like he meant it.

“Maybe you should get on your knees.”

Billy’s eyes snapped to look at him, one of those thick eyebrows raising.

Steve tested the waters.

“I think you should get on your knees. Beg for my forgiveness.”

Billy’s tongue made an appearance, just the tip prodding out to slide over his bottom lip. Steve doesn’t even think he knows he was doing it.

“What’re you goin’ on about, Harrington?”

Steve took a step forward.

He reached up, tugging once on Billy’s jacket collar.

“Don’t know how many more times I can say it, Hargrove.” He leaned in, let his breath puff over Billy’s ear. “I think, that you should get on your knees, and beg for my forgiveness.”

Billy shivered.

Steve grinned.

And then Billy stepped back, and took a deep breath, his gaze sharp enough to slice Steve open, and he sunk to his knees.

His hands came up, sliding up Steve’s thighs, resting on his hips.

And Billy looked, unsure, like somehow, Steve hadn’t made this clear enough.

So Steve decided he’d help him out a bit.

“Open your mouth.”

And Billy,

he did.

Opened his mouth, stuck his tongue out, ready and waiting.

Steve couldn’t get his belt open fast enough.

Billy watched, blue eyes heavy, while Steve wrenched down his zipper, pulling out his half hard cock, giving himself a few perfunctory strokes.

He placed the head on Billy’s tongue.

“Go on. Earn my forgiveness.”

And Billy closed his lips, surging forward to take as much of Steve as he could.

And Billy, he’s done this before. Had a cock in his throat.

Steve could tell by the way he moved his tongue along the bottom, by the way he took care to breathe through his nose while he pushed himself down Steve’s cock, until he could feel the softness of the back of Billy’s throat bump against him.

“Fuck, think this is the only thing you should use your mouth for. Can’t fucking talk when you’ve got a dick in your throat.” Steve bucked his hips a little, both hands sinking into Billy’s hair, still a little damp from the showers.

Billy choked when Steve bucked again, looking up to glare at him, spit running down his chin.

Steve panted, giving him an open-mouthed smile.

“Hold on, Baby.” And Billy’s hands tightened where they held onto Steve’s hips, his jaw going soft.

Steve curled both hands more forcefully in Billy’s hair, using it as leverage to properly fuck Billy’s face.

Billy’s eyes fluttered closed as Steve set a steady pace, thrusting into Billy’s soft mouth.

“Feel fuckin’ good. Don’t know why we weren’t doing this last night. Woulda let you take Max home if I knew you could suck dick this good.”

Billy furrowed his brow, wrenching himself back off of Steve’s cock, a line of spit still connecting him to Billy’s pink bottom lip.

The air was cold against his spit-slicked flesh, and he wanted back in.

“It’d do wonders for me if you didn’t talk about my fuckin’ step sister right now.”

And when Steve looked down, sure enough, Billy’s jeans were tented.

“Yeah, sure, just fucking-” Billy rolled his eyes, opening his mouth for Steve once more.

There was a fire in Steve’s gut as he found the same brutal pace.

Billy closed his eyes again, gagging as Steve’s dick pressed further and further down his throat with each thrust.

He let go of Steve’s hip with his left hand, dropping it down to palm at himself through his jeans, fumbling to get the button undone.

He reached inside, found his cock already stick with pre, sliding his fist over himself with the same rough pace Steve had set in his mouth.

He could taste Steve’s own precum dripping steadily onto his tongue, swallowed it down as best as he could.

“I, I’m close. You gonna swallow it all? Take my fucking cum?” Billy moaned around him, jerking himself faster, eyes squeezing closed.

Steve was breathing heavily, slammed himself deep into Billy’s throat, shooting his load, his cock pulsing against Billy’s tongue.

And Billy gave an embarrassing whimper, cumming in his jeans, all over his own hand.

Steve pulled out, spit and cum dripping down Billy’s lip, that pink tongue coming out to lap it up.

Steve tucked himself away as Billy stood up, lighting another cigarette.

“I earn your forgiveness?” Billy’s voice was hoarse, shot completely to hell. It made Steve’s gut burn.

“Thought you said you didn’t care what I think.”

And Steve was off, crossing the field to get back to the parking lot, leaving Billy in the alleyway with his jeans still unbuttoned.

#lemons #steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove #yikes writes

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jaybear1701 · 3 years

Link

Pam can only stare wide-eyed at Ellen, wondering if she’s in a dream.

There’s no moon dust or space suits or a vast expanse of stars. And yet, somehow, Ellen standing in her classroom--nervous and expectant and achingly beautiful in gray slacks and a simple white blouse--feels even more surreal. She can’t bring herself to speak, afraid that if she makes an attempt, Ellen will vanish and Pam will once again wake up alone in the darkness of her bedroom.

“I’m sorry for showing up out of the blue like this,” Ellen breaks the silence. “But I was hoping we could talk?”

Pam’s lips part, but for someone who prides herself on her ability to capture the right words and construct them into the perfect turn of phrase, she’s still speechless. Each resounding thud against her ribs pumps out conflicting emotions into her buzzing bloodstream, surprise and confusion, elation and dread.

“Pam?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Somehow, Pam strings together a coherent sentence, her voice scratchy and low.

Ellen’s shoulders droop. “You know that’s not true.” She takes a tentative step closer, treating Pam like some skittish animal ready to bolt, which honestly isn’t too far from the truth. “Please, just five minutes.”

“I don’t really have time--”

“Five minutes,” Ellen repeats, firmer. “Hear me out, and then you’ll never have to see me again if you don’t want to.”

Self-preservation demands that Pam refuses. In the long run, it’d be better for them both to sever ties, clean and fast, without dragging things out. But she can’t, not with the way Ellen’s imploring her with those disarming brown eyes. Her heart won’t let her.

“Fine,” Pam acquiesces. “Five minutes. But not here.”

“Okay,” Ellen exhales in relief.

Unsteadily, Pam pushes up from her desk to stand, grabbing her messenger bag and slinging its strap over her shoulder. She exits the classroom with Ellen in tow, and heads toward her office.

A million questions swirl in Pam’s head. Why are you here? How did you even know where to find me? But she bites her tongue. The hallways of the community college aren’t the place to air things out. Ellen follows her wordlessly, maintaining a respectful distance as she glances furtively at Pam out of the corner of her eye. They’re halfway to her office when someone calls out for Pam.

“Ms. H!”

One of her first-year students, Valerie, rushes to catch up to them with a fistful of papers in hand. “I forgot to give you a draft of my manuscript before the final.” She comes to an abrupt stop when she notices Pam has company, eyes widening. “Holy shit, you’re Ellen Wilson!”

Ellen’s brows shoot up, still surprised when someone recognizes her despite more than a decade in the public eye. “Oh, yes, that’s me.” She offers a hand that Valerie shakes with great enthusiasm “Hi, um....”

“Valerie. But everyone calls me Val.”

“Nice to meet you, Val.”

“Wow.” Val runs a hand through the unshaved side of her red hair. “You know an astronaut?” She asks Pam incredulously. “How on earth do you know an astronaut?!”

“Long story,” Pam replies with a taut smile.

“I’ll bet.” Val says, starstruck. “I saw you on TV when I was a kid, catching that tank. You’re amazing!”

Smiling sheepishly, Ellen ducks her head. “Thank you. Feels like it was a lifetime ago now.”

“I’ll bet. And, hey, sorry to hear you left NASA.”

Pam’s stomach bottoms out as her head snaps toward Ellen. “You what?” She shakes her head, unsure she heard correctly.

Ellen’s eyes slide to Pam briefly before focusing back on Valerie. “It was the right time.”

Val shrugs. “Gotta know when to fold ‘em. Do you know what you’ll do now?”

“Oh, you know, just take it easy while I weigh some options.” Ellen shifts her weight from one foot to another, nonchalant, like it’s no big deal. Like she didn’t just walk away from a hard-earned career and upward mobility.

Pam’s head swims at the revelation, knees wobbly, but manages to change the subject. “You said you have your manuscript, Valerie?”

“Oh, yeah.” Val hands over her papers. “Thanks again for taking a look.”

“No problem.” Pam slides the manuscript into her bag, hoping the tremor in her hands isn’t too obvious.

“What’s it about?” Ellen asks politely.

“Oh,” Val grins, flattered, tucking her hands in the pockets of her black leather jacket. “Just my humble contribution to the cyberpunk genre. You ever watch Blade Runner?”

“I did! It was, uh, interesting.”

“Yeah! Well, it’s similar to that. Though I’m guessing you’re more into Ms. H’s sci-fi.”

“You write science fiction?” Ellen asks Pam, curious.

“Ms. H, you should tell her about your story about the astronauts exploring Mars.”

Ellen’s eyebrows rise slowly, and Pam coughs to hide the blush she already knows is heating her cheeks. “Some other time, maybe,” Pam says. “I’ll touch base with you after the holidays?”

“That’d be great.” Valerie grins. “Thanks again, Ms. H. And nice meeting you, Mrs. Wilson. Er, Commander.”

“Just Ellen will do,” Ellen chuckles, waving goodbye to the retreating student. “So,” Ellen says as they resume walking. “You’re writing about Martian explorers?”

“You’ve got five minutes. Do you really want to spend it talking about my work?” Pam retorts, face still flushed, when they finally reach her office.

Ellen doesn’t respond as Pam unlocks the door, turns on the light, and leads them inside. “Have a seat.” She maneuvers behind her desk and sits, already feeling more at ease in her own space, like she can recapture a modicum of control over her warring emotions. In red, glowing numbers, the answering machine by her phone shows she has about half a dozen messages waiting.

If Ellen’s nervous or uncomfortable on Pam’s turf, she doesn’t show it while she drinks in the small office, taking in the framed diplomas on the walls, crammed bookshelves, and stacks of paper on her desk. She lowers herself into the chair across from Pam.

“I’m not really sure where to start.” Ellen folds her hands in her lap, gaze determined and unwavering. “So I’ll start by saying this: I’m not here to upset you, though I can tell by the look on your face I already have. But, please believe me when I say that’s the last thing I ever want. Okay?”

“Okay.” Pam can already feel her pulse starting to accelerate.

Ellen takes a deep breath. “I wanted… I needed to see you. To understand why you left.”

Pam’s chest instantly clenches in response. There was a reason she hadn’t wanted to see Ellen, who could read her so well she’d know instantly that Pam was lying. “I explained it in my letter.” Schooling her expression, she sticks with the same narrative.

“You said your heart still belongs to Elise.”

Pam inclines her head forward. That is what she wrote, after all.

“Then why aren’t you with her.” It’s not a question.

It feels like all the air has rushed out of the room, and Pam thinks this is the closest she’ll ever come to experiencing life in a vacuum. It’s so quiet that she can hear the scuff of sneakers on the floor outside her office door.

Ellen scoots forward in her seat, words coming faster now. “I called your house, trying to reach you.”

“You what?”

“Elise picked up instead.”

Pam’s stomach twists.

“She said you weren’t together,” Ellen continues. "That you moved out weeks ago.”

Anger lances through Pam, white and hot. “Ellen, you had no right.” Her voice is strained from keeping her temper under control.

“Maybe so,” Ellen concedes, but she doesn’t look repentant at all. “But you also said we owe each other the truth. So what is it?”

“Your five minutes are up.” Pam knows she’s being irrational, but she doesn’t care. Clinging to her outrage is preferable to succumbing to her spiraling panic at being called out on her lie.

Ellen lets out an incredulous laugh. “Just like that?”

“Just like that,” Pam confirms, crossing her arms as if that would shield her from the growing tumult between them. “Please leave.”

Ellen just stares at her, unblinking, before she shakes her head. “No.”

“Excuse me?”

“I told you once before that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep you. And I’m not leaving until I get the truth.”

Ellen’s eyes are dark, earnest. Pam hates that she’s not immune to them and, if she’s honest with herself, never will be. Her traitorous heart’s already melting, but Pam’s nothing if not stubborn and she sets her mouth in a thin, hard line. “Then I’ll go.”

She gets up to leave, not even bothering to grab her bag, but Ellen rushes to her feet and blocks her path--not unlike the time at The Outpost years ago, after Pam had given her ultimatum about Ellen’s marriage to Larry.

They’re close, too close that it makes Pam dizzy, and she has to take a step back. Ellen reaches out to Pam, but stops before she can make contact. Her right hand hovers in the air for several long seconds before it drops back to her side.

“Please don’t be angry,” Ellen pleads.

“A little too late for that.”

“I know.” Ellen’s brow furrows, but still she doesn’t move.

“Then please go,” Pam says in a pained whisper. “Or let me go.”

“I can’t.” The crack in Ellen’s voice splits straight down Pam’s heart. “I love you, Pam. Always have. Always will.”

Pam squeezes her eyes shut. The room feels like it’s tilting on its axis.

“If you don’t feel the same, then…”Ellen’s throat constricts as she swallows. . “Then that’s fine. I’ll learn to live with that. But I just need to know. Please.”

When she opens them, Pam’s eyes are full, stinging. “You know I do.”

“Then why…”

“Because sometimes it’s not enough!”

Confusion etches across Ellen’s features, wrinkling her forehead and tugging the corners of her lips down. “Enough for what?”

“For us to work, Ellen.” Pam wipes away a tear that’s trickled down her cheek. “We live in completely different worlds.”

Ellen’s next response is drowned out by the telephone, its shrill ring cutting through the air. For a moment, Pam’s paralyzed, unable to move beneath Ellen’s piercing gaze, both of them breathing heavily. By the fourth ring, Pam snaps out of it. She walks back behind the desk, inhales, exhales, and picks up the receiver.

“Pam Horton.”

It’s the dean’s secretary, asking her to drop by the office before she leaves for the day. Pam normally dreads having to meet with the dean, never quite enjoying the administrative aspects of her job, but right now she’s relieved to have an excuse to end this conversation with Ellen before she does or says anything more that she’ll regret.

“Yes, ma’am, of course,” Pam says as Ellen’s eyes track her movements. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

After she hangs up the phone, she clears her throat. “I’m sorry, but I have to get back to work.”

Ellen looks like she wants to object, but ultimately she retreats back a step. She doesn’t sit back down. Pam’s not sure if she feels relieved or disappointed.

“I understand.” She self-consciously tucks her hair behind her ears. “Can we at least talk later?”

Pam’s mind shouts no. Her heart screams yes. Her mouth lands somewhere in between. “I don’t know,” she says lamely. “We’re wrapping up finals… you know how it goes.”

Ellen’s looking at her like this might be the last opportunity she’ll have to do so. “Well, if you find yourself with some free time, I’m staying at the Driskill ‘til the end of the week.”

The Driskill is the oldest hotel in Austin, right in the heart of downtown. Iconic. Historic. Perfectly suited for someone of Ellen’s background and stature. And much too rich for Pam’s blood. It’s so fitting that Pam doesn’t know whether she wants to laugh or cry.

“We’ll see,” she says.

Ellen nods slowly before turning toward the door. But her hand stills on the knob, and Pam finds herself holding her breath.

“Maybe we do live in different worlds.” Ellen smiles sadly over her shoulder. “But we could create a new one. Together.”

With that, she’s gone. The door softly clicks shut. And it takes all of Pam’s willpower not to follow.

#ellen x pam #for all mankind #spacepoet #ellen waverly #pam horton

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dr-shiva · 2 years

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Dr.SHIVA LIVE: Discovering Nature’s Anti-Viral “Cocktails”: A CytoSolve Exclusive.

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Discovering Nature’s Anti-Viral Cocktails.

Hello, everyone, it’s Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai. It is Tuesday, June 14. And we’re going to be having a preview to a discussion that we’re going to be hosting this weekend, Saturday, June 18, 2022. So, let me bring that up. So to all of you joining I found out that this was very valuable.

Two weeks ago, when we did a summit we had, we held the Truth Freedom Health® Summit two Saturdays ago, so we will be doing that same thing this Saturday, June 18 2022. For all of our Truth Freedom Health® Warrior-Scholars, we have hundreds of 1000s of people all over the world who have connected with our movement. And we’re going to have a Truth Freedom Health® Summit for all of our Warrior-Scholars.

Oral Antiviral – Why Now?

It’s going to be about discovering nature’s antiviral cocktails, a CytoSolve® exclusive and this discussion has been motivated by the fact several months ago, Pfizer, the big pharmaceutical company, put out a drug called Paxlovid. You can see P-A-X-L-O-V-I-D Paxlovid. And so that, and Paxlovid that is essentially two compounds that they put together that they made as an oral – as an oral antiviral.

I believe this was motivated because of the fallout that the academic and establishment doctors have been receiving from the Pro-Vaxx, Anti-Vaxx entire discourse has taken place. And so I think what Pfizer is doing is you’re pushing essentially a tablet, you don’t get injected, but you take a tablet. Interestingly enough, this tablet is made up of two compounds, essentially, two synthetic compounds, you could call it a cocktail.

So, many of you know that my scientific career has been based on creating a technology called CytoSolve®, which can actually help us find cocktails from natural compounds. So we thought it would be a very opportune time for us as a community to start having a discourse on this area of creating antiviral cocktails from nature. And because if the forces like Big Pharma, like Pfizer think that we should do this? Well, I think it’s an opportunity to use this opening in the discourse, to really have a conversation about it.

Truth Freedom Health® Summit

This Saturday, everyone should write it down. We meet at 11am. this coming Saturday, we put that up this Saturday at 11am. We’re having the Truth Freedom Health® Summit on discovering nature’s antiviral cocktails, and it’s really a CytoSolve® exclusive. I hope all of you can join us. It’s for all of our Truth Freedom Health® Warrior-Scholars one of the benefits of being a Warrior-Scholar, because we have these very intense, detailed events.

What are we going to be covering? We’re gonna be covering a number of things, as you can see, and I’ll come back to this. But the summit is going to cover many, many things from what is the immune system, how do antivirals work? Can we create cocktails, and I’ll come back to this, but fundamentally, to those of you who are Warrior-Scholars Saturday, June 18, 2022, at 11am. Will be the Truth Freedom Health® Warrior-Scholar Summit. And it’s free to all Warrior-Scholars because you’re part of the community.

Become a Truth Freedom Health® Warrior-Scholar

If you want to become a Warrior-Scholar, listen very carefully. Go to VASHIVA.com/join And you get to become a Warrior-Scholar. We have an entire community. We have the educational program, we have the social media, independent of Big Tech, you can communicate with people all over the world.

Then we have a whole set of tools that you can learn about System Science. But most importantly, you can also learn how to get activated to educate others. And that’s the Foundations of Systems course, you can also go to VASHIVA.com/join, it’s the same place. And so if you go to VASHIVA.com, it’ll lead you there.

Join Our Open House

Those of you who are not Truth Freedom Health® Warriors, and are listening in tonight, please feel free to join us at the Open House that I host every Thursdays at 11am and 8pm. EST, it’s a time for us to meet, discuss, we made it at both sessions of Thursday at 11am in the morning, because we have people from the east. For them, it’s in the evening. And then also we do Thursdays 8pm. So please feel free to join us there.

Learn To Think With The Science of Systems

And our goal in our Truth Freedom Health® student program is we learn how to think, not what to think. And it’s really educating people on the Science of Systems. And it really bridges East and West. So, in 2008, when I finished my 2007, when I finished my PhD at MIT, I went back to India, because I wanted to find the intersection, or really understand why these eastern systems of medicine worked.

Because I had seen my grandmother be able to help others, empirically through this process, which I’ve shared before. So that led me into really doing all my work at MIT. And then going back then in 2010, I was able to find this intersection that really explains the intersection of Eastern medicine with Western engineering systems theory. That’s what helped me build this course.

Journey to Systems

And that course really became the Foundations of System Science, which is how we used to run our entire program. So I just want to come back to what we’re going to be previewing at the event on Saturday, but let me just play a quick video so you understand my Journey to Systems and hopefully it inspires you.

All right, everyone, for those of you joining this evening, we’re or this morning, wherever you are on the planet, we’re going to be giving a preview to the Truth Freedom Health® Summit, that’s going to be focused on discovering nature’s antiviral cocktails. And it’s really going to be a CytoSolve® exclusive that’s coming this Saturday, June 18 11am PST, if you’re not a Truth Freedom Health® Warrior-Scholar, please sign up. And you get many, many benefits. But let me tell you, we’re going to be covering. So we’re going to first cover at the summit, you know, what is the immune system? For those of you who’ve seen my previous videos.

What Will Be Covered at the Summit

I’m going to do a very detailed understanding of what is the immune system – based on Modern Systems Immunology. The current idea of the immune system is frankly, based on a 1915 model, which I’ve talked about for many, many years. But I want all of you to get educated on – what is the immune system? Everyone uses the word of the immune system. But do you guys really know what it is?

So I want our Truth Freedom Health® Warrior-Scholars will learn that so that’s the first thing: what is the immune system? The second thing that we’re going to cover this Saturday at 11am, EST at our Truth Freedom Health® Summit? What are the five subsystems of the immune system? You see, in 1915, they really only had a two system model of the immune system. And over the last century, we’ve learned a lot more.

However, the concept of using the one size fits all madness of everyone getting the jab is based on an old model of the immune system. So in order to educate people, you get more confident, in fact, educating your doctors and other health care practitioners. My goal is to teach you what are the five subsystems of the immune system.

The next is what are the scientific principles of building immunity. This is something unfortunately, that’s really not taught in, in any real systems wide way in medical schools. It’s unfortunate for doctors, but we want to teach people what are the principles because once you understand principles, everything comes after it. If you don’t understand principles, you’re just following other people’s rules and dictates.

That’s the next thing we’re going to be discussing, what are the scientific principles of building the immune system? Next is what is an antiviral? And the four phases of viral infection, you know, this we’ll have to get into detail to understand what is the virus, right, what is an antiviral?

There is a particular way that these pathogens go through a cycle of infecting you, and how can you actually protect yourself, but we need to understand what is an antiviral? Knowing that our body as you’re going to learn has about 380 trillion viruses already. So it’s quite an interesting discourse, we’ll do again this Saturday, at the summit.

The next thing is, Does Mother Nature create antiviral medicines? Okay. And to those of you just joining, we are taught that we have to go to a Big Pharma organization to get antivirals. So recently, a couple of months ago, weeks ago, there has been a big push out there about Pfizer’s Paxlovid, which is a medicine that contains two ingredients, cocktails, that the claim is that this will protect you against, in this case, COVID.

Natural Antivirals

Okay, so we want to ask the question, Does Mother Nature create any antiviral medicines? So for example, if you look at garlic here, garlic is an antiviral, and there’s a lot written about it. Another example, is echinacea, another antiviral, which we’ll discuss, and by the we’re going to look at many, many different antivirals at this event, this Saturday at 11am. Ginseng, another antiviral.

These are different antivirals. But the reality is our research at CytoSolve® has revealed at least, and there’s more – 70 natural antivirals in nature. So traditional cultures like what I grew up in India or if you grew up in different traditional backgrounds, people would take these natural foods and they would combine them to figure out what’s right for you. And these were, quote unquote, natural antiviral cocktails. So we want to really understand we’re going to discuss this at the summit.

Because several months ago, the National Institute of Health said we need to create natural or oral antivirals, they were only looking at Pharma. And our movement’s view is – given we have CytoSolve®, that we can actually explore the creation of natural antivirals, someone just put cloves and turmeric. Yep, those are antivirals. So we’re going to discuss that okay, at the summit. We’re going to go through these different antivirals. And then we’re going to ask the question.

PAXLOVID – Pfizers’s Antiviral Drug

What we want to ask is what is Pfizer’s antiviral Paxlovid for COVID and does Paxlovid work? We’re going to walk you through. Again, this is Big Pharma’s new approach given the big controversy of the jab, they’re coming up with an oral antiviral, what is Paxlovid – does it work? We’re gonna go deep into that at the summit, so you all understand what’s coming on the horizon. So that’s one thing. We’re also going to do. A lot of topics are going to get covered. For example, just to give you a quick preview, Pfizer’s antiviral drug known as Paxlovid who was authorized the end of last year, and it was not fully approved by the FDA.

It’s only for emergency use. It’s currently used to treat mild to moderate COVID in adults and the treatment plan. You take these three tablets for five days and it’s only recommended for people at high risk for developing severe COVID. And there’s actually two tablets, one called as you can see; Nirmatrelvir and Ritonavir, okay.

You take two tablets of 150 mg of one 300 mg and you take the other 100 mg and there’s a lot of known side effects, which we’re going to cover from hives, to hoarseness to skin rashes, swelling, and liver related complications. So we’re going to cover this, but this is what Pfizer’s put out there. But you can see it’s a cocktail of two drugs. And we’ll be covering this at the summit.

And then finally, we want to educate all of you on what are the viral molecular systems and stages of viral infection. So when there’s a big myth, you’re going to learn at the summit of, is it the virus that kills you? Or is it your own weakened immune system? So you’ll learn about that very, very important set of knowledge I want to convey to all of you.

And the other thing is how can antivirals work to affect those molecular pathways? So how can antivirals work? And can we create cocktails from nature? So this is what we want to talk about. Nature’s is the biggest pharmacy out there. Can we look at nature, I’ve showed you 70 antivirals, can we look at that? And can we combine those to create powerful things?

mV25™

Some of you may know, CytoSolve®, as an organization, has been running for many, many years, 16 years helping many of the more forward thinking companies. More recently, about two years ago, we created mV25™. And we did this because over the last 16 years, we built so many of these mathematical models without killing animals, that we literally looked at, in nature, all the different compounds that can be used for pain and inflammation, and we combined it.

And we found a set of ingredients, which those of you who’ve gotten it have reported just phenomenal results. So just very quickly, let me just share with you what is mV25™. I’ll come right back, but it’ll give you an idea of where we can go to create something like this; an antiviral which is coming from nature not using Big Pharma. So let me just play this to give you an idea of what is mV25™. it’ll inspire you to the possibilities.

So this weekend, these are the issues that we’ll cover at the summit. Again, from what is the immune system all the way to can we create cocktails using CytoSolve®. There are amazing antivirals out there people have known about for centuries. And the problem is that if you promote any of these antivirals, you either get shut down. The scientific quote unquote, the academic community comes after you.

But with CytoSolve®, we have a very powerful weapon, a tool, because CytoSolve® came out of my work at MIT. We published major papers on it. In major journals, we validated using CytoSolve®, we could actually validate nature, and that is one of my motivations, watching my grandmother mix these different herbs and medicines together.

Now if we can use CytoSolve®, to understand this, we can in fact do that. And we’re going to be sharing with you some of those details at the summit. And then finally, as I mentioned, by the way, you can go to mV25™. If you go to the shop online, you can find it, people are finding some great benefit from it. So take advantage of that. Now, if we can do this, the question becomes how do we do that? How do we do that?

Remember Big Pharma has trillions of dollars behind them, not billions, trillions. CytoSolve®, as we discuss in our systems courses, is a decentralized model, where we’re using scientific research from all over the world. We’re integrating that organizing it and being able to figure out the right combinations. But one of the things we’ll talk about is how we as a community can support this.

The Power of Systems Science

I recommend we explore that. The other thing I want to talk about is one of the things that came out of our research that by the way, everyone who becomes a Truth Freedom Health® Warrior not only do you get invited to summits like these, but one of the things I did was when I finished my Fulbright work in India, I was able to discover, essentially crack the code to understand what are Eastern systems of medicine.

So if some of you have studied Chinese medicine, some of you have studied Indian medicine or different Native American medicine, they use a language, okay. And the problem is the naturopaths, the yoga teachers, the Ayyurvedic people, they use a certain language, when they speak in that language, to the Western trained doctor, these people think these people are nuts, or they’re sort of woo woo New Age people, and they look down upon them.

Independently, the Western medical doctors do not understand the body as a system. They study from an Organ based approach. My research in 2009, after I finished my PhD when on the Fulbright, what I discovered was that if you look at the body as a system, what really took place was the Eastern systems of medicine, actually did look at the body as a system and they came up with the language.

Your Body, Your System®

The problem is most people who practice Eastern systems of medicine don’t even understand the depth of that language. And what I uncovered was that the language that they use, in fact, its nine principles are directly related not to Western medicine, but to Western engineering systems principles. And that discovery helped me to create a tool which all of you get when you become a Truth Freedom Health® Warrior called Your Body, Your System®.

And what Your Body, Your System® helps people do is to map that language where you answer a set of questions and you can figure out how much transport, conversion, storage. This comes from general engineering systems theory, which is the same as Vata, Pitta, Kapha, Indian science system, yogic science, and you can discover your body that’s the red dot and on different red dots, for different people, red dots will be in different locations.

Then the technology I created allows you to answer a different set of questions and figure out how much your body is deviated from its red dot, that’s your target. This means you didn’t get enough sleep, where you probably didn’t eat the right foods. And then the system will actually calculate for you the right foods, supplements that are right for you. So that’s the Your Body, Your System®.

East Meets West

So I share that with you because it’s time that we bridge; east and west, science and tradition, ancient and modern. As you know, this knowledge curriculum that we put together, you can use it to understand your body. You can use it to understand engineering systems, but you can use it to also understand political systems and see the relation between Truth Freedom Health®. So again, I hope all of you join us this Saturday, again, this Saturday at 11am EST, we will be it’s for all of our Truth Freedom Health® Warriors, those of you who are Truth Freedom Health® Warriors, please make sure you go.

You know, and remember the date and those of you are not, please sign up, okay. And you can simply go to VASHIVA.com/join, or TruthFreedomHealth.com. And you get a tremendous amount of tools, you get access to the Foundations of Systems course and a lot more.

Open House Every Thursday

And those of you who want to simply know more about the movement, the educational program, you are all welcome Thursdays at 11am and 8pm. To come to the orientation, I teach it, I’m there, it’s an open house VASHIVA.com/orientation If you see it right there, VASHIVA.com. Maybe we just put a banner there. So you guys can all see it. Let me put it right there. There you see VASHIVA.com/orientation.

So I hope you can all make it. And finally, those of you who want to learn a little bit more and are ready to learn more. I’ve also made everything easy for you can simply get this book, the System and Revolution. It’s really sort of the basic textbook. System Health is also there for those of you ready, and I made the book absolutely free just cover shipping and handling.

Okay, so before I close, I want to hopefully inspire all of you guys to join the movement you get, you’re going to enjoy the summit we’re having this Saturday, and independent of the features and the capabilities you get in this unique educational stuff that I teach on the weekends. The Truth Freedom Health® movement consists of curricula, it consists of a community independent of tools that are independent of Big Tech and then activism so let me just play this video and I’ll see you all, be well. Thank you.

All right, everyone. So before I sign off, just to remind you this Saturday, June 18, 2022, this year 11am PST for all of our Truth Freedom Health® Warriors. Big reminder we’re going to be doing a big summit on discovering nature’s antiviral cocktails, as a CytoSolve® exclusive. To those of you who are not Truth Freedom Health® Warriors, please go to TruthFreedomHealth.com sign up, you get many many benefits. Be well, be the light, and I wish you all a very good night. Thank you, be well.

Join the Movement for Truth Freedom Health®

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This course is available online for you to study at your own pace.

It’s time to Get Educated, or Be Enslaved.

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#Dr Shiva #Ayyadurai #Truth Freedom Health #CytoSolve #Cocktails #Anti-Viral #PAXLOVID

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rinharu-purple · 3 years

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Lucien: MLQC’s Mastermind

Yes, I said that Lucien is the creepiest LI in my opinion, and I wouldn’t choose him in a million, billion years. BUT, Lucien is by far the one person, who is pulling the strings and is the driving force of the MLQC universe. He is the only person who acquires all the information from all sides and is connected to every important actor in the story. Therefore, Lucien has become the second LI I’ve started to follow more attentively. Mind that the ranking ist 1) Gavin 2) Gavin 3) Gavin 4) Lucien ;)

In my manifesto, why Gavin is MC’s choice, I’ve already mentioned briefly, that Lucien has the strongest EVOL among all the characters but is also the strongest character (it’s not the MC or the Black Queen, let’s not fool ourselves)

The Machiavellian

Before we talk about Lucien’s part in the MLQC universe, we should first look at him as person and observe the elements that make up his personality.

In the game, all our guys have their personal priorities. Gavin and Kiro are on the front line, fighting for peace and prosperity, Victor, well...I don’t think that he cares for anything else besides MC, maybe his position. But with Lucien, his priority is not a person or a concept, but rather a philosophy. Lucien wants to see the next step in human evolution and is determined to take any measures necessary to see it to it’s end. Other guys can not stand oblivious to other things that come up their way in achieving their goals but Lucien only has his eyes on the prize and to him nothing else matters, no one else matters and no ethics matter.

Machiavellianism denotes cunningness and claims, that those dark triads use whatever means necessary to gain power. If we consider the choices Lucien has made throughout the story so far, we can clearly find his manipulative ways in getting other actors to the positions of his conjecture. He lies to MC and hides his personality as Ares, penetrates Black Swan to use their facilities, but also uses LFG’s resources for his R&D projects all the while concealing his true nature.

Another trait of a Machiavellian, is that he is charismatic and friendly, all the while displaying no emotions. I think, there can be two possible reasons as to why Lucien has limited display of emotions. The first possible explanation has something to do with his parents passing and the trauma he suffered afterwards. Among all LIs Lucien is the one with the most loveless childhood and teenage years, the most important years in developing one’s psychological traits and during those years Lucien received alongside with Kiro the most blows. That resulted in him losing the connection to his emotions as a defense mechanism.

Another possibility might be him losing the connection to his emotions as a result of a chemical reaction in his brain due to excessive testing Black Swan objected him to. Lucien’s EVOL was created in a lab and he was the first man-made Evolver. Lucien is called various times a psychopath, because he shows signs of psychopathy such as lack of remorse, empathy or compassion. It is said that that kind of behavior might occur due to a misconnection between the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) and the amygdala. Considering the fact that Lucien’s parents were killed right in front of him and that he was both physically and psychologically abused for the coming years, this might have led him to experience an imbalance in his chemical balance. One might argue, that his altruistic actions in the orphanage are an evidence for his compassion, I think it is yet another disguise for his unethical ways of reaching his goals.

The Orchestrator

In all honesty no one is actively seeking alliances and keeps tabs on other’s actions for their agenda like Lucien does. Maybe Commander Leto but he mostly fails in drawing others to his side, because he is not able to speak in their pendants’ language or resonate with their perspective. Lucien, on the other hand, is gifted with an extraordinary ability to observe his surroundings and companions, making it very easy for him to talk to them in their terms and desires. Lucien doesn’t show much empathy, UNLESS, it contributes to his cause, in that case he can perfectly put himself in other’s shoes and plays them in such a meticulous way, that they join him willingly.

That is how Lucien directs MC successfully in entering the Black Cabin or in understanding the evolution core.

Lucien is not exactly a piece on a chess board, but is a player, who knows all the pieces very well, knows the rules of the game, has observed many games and took notes of how they all has turned out and therefore knows what kind of a game he is going to play. Just watch closely. how he co-operates with Kiro and the Black Queen. He knows that Kiro is using Black Swan for his goals, much like he does, so he uses his hacking abilities to access to information. The Black Queen is the initiator of everything in S1, so he makes sure to stay close to her. He knows that Victor is searching for MC and trying to understand the Evol gene, there he has an investor.

The Cool, Calm and Collected Type

in the MLQC universe, everyone loses their composure at one point or another, because...who wouldn’t? Time and space warps constantly and people are also changing their stances depending on the time-space constellation they find themselves in.

MC loses her cool almost on a daily basis, Gavin was in a constant haywire in the Daybreak era, Victor literally threw people into black holes in CH11 and freaked out as he saw the Black Queen for the first time and Kiro walks around in a bipolar state. So, everybody is pretty unstable due to understandable conditions but we never see Lucien lose his cool and this is one of his best qualities.

Here is the thing about Lucien. This guy is always at least one step ahead of everyone and he achieves this by two simple rules:

1) Acquire all possible information

2) Observe everyone and everything at all times

Why am I saying this? It lies in the basis of anxiety and angst. We humans tend to feel uncomfortable in the face of an uncertain situation, meaning in the wake of the unknown. MC is constantly anxious, because she doesn’t know what is going on, why is everyone after her, why is she blessed with the unconditional affection of 5 equally attractive men? (ehm, but not quite equally ehm *Gavin* hihi, sorry, Gavin-stan gotta Gavin-stan ^_^). Anyway you get the picture. Gavin went haywire in CH22 because he was pushed in a tight spot and therefore had angst. Same goes for Victor in CH11 his mind went blank as he saw history repeating itself and then in CH18 when he saw with his own eyes what could the girl of his dreams might become.

We don’t see Lucien in such deadlock situation though do we, and I think it is mainly because he is always prepared for every possibility and he can calculate them meticulously, because he possesses the largest chunk of information and also keeps tabs on everyone and everything that’s going on. So, when a crisis occurs he doesn’t freak out, sure he gets surprised at times, because the outcome of a a certain situation is the possibility, which he calculated to be no higher than 1% and yet there it is. But since he’s already took this into consideration, he has a plan. Combine this with his knowledge about the persons and organizations involved in the matter, then you have a calm Lucien, who is in control of the situation. Thus, he is calm. You can actually also bind this behavior of Lucien with that of a predator, whose movement are languid, is non-reactive and doesn’t mind turning his back to his opponents, since he doesn’t perceive them as a threat.

If this wasn’t enough, Lucien manages to joggle all of this without exposing himself. Even in the last stage of the play he never gets caught. Unless he willingly exposes himself, as in the case of revealing Ares to MC. MLQC actors can usually see through each other and use their weaknesses to meet their own ends. MC is obviously Gavin, Kiro and Victor’s weakness and their opponents can see this pretty easily. IT’s not quite the same with Lucien though and he doesn’t let himself be blackmailed or threatened by any weakness. He always keeps his cards close to his chest.

Considering the fact that Lucin is the least outstanding LI, this is pretty impressive. So I guess this makes him the embodiment of the phrase “still waters run deep”.

The Renaissance Man

Lucien is a man of science and aesthetics. Explaining phenomenons with associations and loading them with philosophical substance. He doesn’t necessarily perceive things bluntly as they are, but interprets them in a meaningful way. The way he associates MC with a butterfly, how he wants to entrap her in ajar, so she wouldn’t get away, alas taking the only resource of color in his life away. Not only that, but he can also break down the matters at hand to its fragments and can therefore work his way up from there. He is blessed with a strong deduction ability, so he can connect the dots easily, come to a conclusion and act accordingly. No doubt that the other guys have very good deduction abilities, but because Lucien always has a bit of an information more than them, he can find the solutions just a little bit faster in my opinion.

Reading is a necessity for his guy much like eating and drinking, Which is why we see him reframing events in the context of a certain story he’d read at some point in his life. With time, I will add here some of his quotes about certain situations to explain what I mean. Or even better, if you have some, that are evident in you opinion, you could add them in the comments. I really enjoy reading/hearing Lucien’s philosophical, scientific explanations to certain moments in MC’s life. They are always to the point and helpful.

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So this is my very first analysis on Lucien and I have to admit, I still have so many material to check on him, so if anything is missing please bear with me here :)

I was watching Joe’s Twitch while I wrote this, so there are many spelling, grammar mistakes, which will be corrected gradually.

This post will get better and better, scout promise!

#mlqc #mlqc lucien #mlqc simon #mlqc xumo #mlqc xu mo #mr. love queen's choice #I had to rewrite a large part of this because my PC #broke down #so this post will be edited around a 100 times #Im sorry

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