This is the official pocket dungeon palette, for anyone who wants to draw in the skpd style

just to say upfront You not have any right to repost my art at all, you got here through your own course of actions and only now you want to suggest possibly 'I.d.'ing them yourself?

Multiple people block you and you keep harassing them, literally having an account called blockdodger22, @'ing people and you think that's okay? You do not know how to have any etiquette online, much less talking to people in a clear concise way and then getting pissy with them for not bending over backwards for you.  You have no concept of being respectful.  You are behaving as an obsessive, stalking, creep. Flat out. How are you online and do not take a block and leave.  It is as simple as that.

You did not even start out our first 'exchange' with a clear message and goal.

You kept commenting under peoples posts just at random, especially after just freshly following them. Saying "Image description?" and myself included didn't understand what you're even asking about. Under multiple posts you asked me that and I didn't even know what was wrong with my description under my image until a friend told me you were asking for a description of the image itself not that you were questioning the actual description under my image.  Another person even brought to my attention you flat out said to them on their own post "Image description?" "I should not have to ask more than once." paraphrasing as you even mistyped once then corrected your typo. So much time to just correct that and comment instead of just. doing what you command of people.  What gives you the right to even demand any of that from anyone?  

Which is not even a proper exchange, it's you barking orders at people like they're a bot and not someone to converse with. You put your time and energy into continuing this act not just towards sme but multiple other people online. Instead of just bringing it up to someone and leaving them with the choice to try to do it or not. You do not get to demand what people put on their posts or not. If it has been such an issue do not follow them. For me I want to post my artwork with the minimal words i can because I'm tired. I want to post and go. This is an art blog. I post my art and I go. I do not even have a far reaching "platform" like you're trying to insinuate. If i did, i would've been able to keep up my patreon with enough money to comfortably have. But I didn't and I had to close my patreon because i could not grow it and all my energy went into patreon rewards with very little income for me and couldn't actually find the time to create what I wanted.

You want to act like this is me hating accessibility but this is you wanting to come on, annoy people unprompted, numerous times to random people on the internet and being blatantly rude and demanding and backpedaling as if this is an actual care. 

You are a rude and hypocritical individual coming up to bother people  in the name of "accessibility" . You do not genuinely care. 

People who actually cared would not go this obsessive, harassing, rude length. You spend more energy doing this than doing what you say you set that server out to do! In multiple times you wanted to 'contact me' you would post the same comment under over 10 posts with no clarity, I tell you i'm annoyed and with a broken keyboard with multiple people attesting because they're actually close enough to see me in discord servers and streams to see the broken keys you wanted to act as if you knew better. as if I'm the liar. you came onto my posts just to get snotty and bratty. So I of course block you. months pass, I get a new laptop, you use your blockdodger22 tumblr account and only THEN want to declare there's a discord server to 'help'. 

"But I literally sent you a link to people who will do this for you. And I'm in that server too. I'm in there helping people who care about accessibility." If this is how you act to random people online, why would I ever want to come into a server with you? If this is how you behave? Why would anyone? 

if you did care you would flat out be commenting on the image description you want to see typed out for yourself. As many people already DO on tumblr without any issue at all! you wouldn't have to do this fake song and dance.

 I've had multiple people in the past of my works,- typically only Steven universe fanart itself which i do not make a ton of, only adopts, They will reblog with the image description. They don't even have to ask, they just do it. Why? Because thats what they want to do and what they care about. You want to say "Oh I'm only trying to help, I guess you don't care about accessibility." You did not want to help, you wanted to make a mountain out of a molehill to random people online who are not influencers or even big time corporations. You are not treating anyone I see you come into contact with any respect or politeness.  

All you genuinely want is to either 

1. feel better about yourself thinking you're doing  good with something you're not putting the actual energy towards that you say is important to you. Like other people online, who do that thing and especially do it for artists unprompted because they want to SEE it being done and take the time for themselves. 

or

2. to look for a fight using these people as a smokescreen because you keep obsessively trying to get people's attention on their posts and then act automatically like you're in the right despite being nasty and rude online.

If you cared so much you would be putting your money where your mouth is. You would be putting your energy into putting all these image descriptions on these images that you want without all this fluff. But you don't, why? I genuinely don't care for an answer from you. I want you to leave me and everyone else alone.

There's people behind these screens, you don't care, you only care if people do what you say at a moment's notice. 

You want to say I don't care about people with disabilities for the fact I don't do one thing. One thing that only you have demanded of me in all my ten years on this blog.

 You're acting as if I'm bashing people online and saying they have no right to be here. As if I hate them. You're now just wanting to paint a broad stroke of me hating disabilities in general instead of the actual topic at hand. I make multiple characters with disabilities for myself and my adopts. That I myself have issues too.

 I am doing my own thing. I am simply posting my art. You are simply annoying the hell out of many artists myself included. 

This is a matter of me disliking you. 

Especially when I found out you are not only harassing me but people around me, other artists and even smaller artists at that! What gives you the gall and the right to be acting so self righteous when all you've done is act as a genuine dick to people. 

Dude what is happening between you and Courtney Orchard? Why does she think you leaked her Discord? That doesn’t seem like you at all.

I was actually in Courtney's server before I knew Milena in November 2023. Over time I had concerns about moderation in regards to their Lily Orchard and PZ channels. As you know, Lily Orchard and Poppy Diabolique are impossible to talk about without addressing intense, traumatic sexual situations. I actually didn't realize there were minors there until I checked for ages in the intro channel. I felt really uncomfortable upon realizing and felt like I would contribute to the problem if I didn't personally do something. I officially ceased posting there on 11/30/2023. I think there's a few single posts scattered, but not in-depth convos like I used to have. And honestly I stopped even looking in there aside from brief glances.

[This is a DM. The context is me not posting in the pz or lily channels until the minors were barred from those channels.] Early March, 2024, I saw the tumblr of the pedophile involved with the PZ mess (the article) posted in the PZ chat that contained minors.

My words were "I oppose to this. You know how minors will be inclined to go and interact with these people. Minors should not be involved in investigating these situations." Because there was at least one minor who has been in that server "investigating" PZ since even before I made this blog (and they still are). Courtney told me I was "on thin ice" and said they were angry because I was directly challenging their authority. Another member told me off for "infantilizing a 15 year old." So I backed off, but held my stance. It just reinforced my discomfort I had in November.

In regards to screenshots, Milena recalled a post she made in the server about predicting Poppy's rape accusation against Noehflake. I was asked to save that for her, with only her post on that subject. I did also tell Milena about what they were saying about her in Courtney's server, because what was being discussed quickly spiraled into unsubstantiated pedo-jacketing and smearing, and I would want someone to inform me of those serious accusations were I in Milena's position. I would do that if it were anyone else. You don't have to like Milena, how she acts, or what she's done. I draw the line at those accusations. Even with Poppy, I'm not going to call her a pedophile without seeing actual, verifiable proof with my own eyes. Honestly, the environment in that server made me ill and my attempt to speak up about my discomfort was met with intense aggression. I think I was kicked on the day of Lux's stream but I don't know what Courtney was specifically mad about because I wasn't looking at the server. I just saw I was kicked and carried on with my day.

Courtney is entitled to their anger, but I am also entitled to the opinions I have for their treatment of that server.

I respect Courtney's story of what Poppy and Zena did to them, as well as their abuse at the hands of Lily Orchard. But I am not their friend and I don't agree with everything they do. No matter what, Courtney's experience with Poppy and Zena will stay archived on my blog under the #courtney tag so that those experiences won't be forgotten.

I simply ask to be left alone, and I do not want to contact or be contacted by them.

I've been streaming on twitch for over 4 years. I've made a great community and a wonderful group of friends but I've also had to deal with a lot of aweful people. Recently I've been feeling particularly upset about it all so I'm going to air all my grievances here. TW this mentions bullying, grooming, self harm and abuse. If anyone mentioned in this post trys to comment im just gonna delete it, i also dont care if your fav streamers is here, this is my authentic experience. Also dont go attacking anyone i mention here, the whole point of this is to be better then them.

Rat_emoji

The first streamer I ever had an issue with was Rat_emoji. It all started when I tuned into one of their DbD streams only to find him streaming another, younger, streamers live content.

He had just died to this kid playing Myers, he had TTV in his name and Rat was so mad about what had happened he streamed this kids twitch live to his viewers, all the while making fun of his appearance and stream quality.

A day later I would go back and screen record this whole interaction so I can share that if you want to see it. It felt so disgusting to watch this happen live, he has 100 viewers in chat and they were all being nasty. The only person who told him to stop was drag streamer Suttonfister (i think, 90% sure) who was in the same game and discord call at he time. the whole scene was aweful to witness, it felt like such an abuse of power. Rat didnt directly say anything mean but they made a lot of mean girl comments and didnt moderate anything cruel their chat said, it was obviously intentional.

After this I blocked Rat, it would have been easy to avoid him if he didn't found the stream team "Aussie pride", he got a lot of attention for that and a lot of praise and all of it made me sick. Funnily enough I heard that Aussie Pride was an aweful team to be in. The creators didn't care about the smaller members, planned no events and then disbanded the team with the release of Hogwarts legacy because they didn't want to take a stance on JK Rowling. Honestly it seems like the whole thing was a vanity project. That's why I don't like Rat_emoji.

Dcypherpup

DCpup was the first streamer I tried to network with. He hired me to make some art for him. He wanted me to work on merch for his channel, I declined, saying that I wasnt comfortable with the idea of someone else selling my art. I counter offered to just make him a profile icon, this way we could see how my style suited him and i could work out how to tackle the idea of eventually doing merch.

When the icon was done I sent him the high res file, he asked for my signature (my artist tag, a very small "outcaststars" in the corner) to be removed. When I asked why, he told me he needed it gone in order to upload it as merch.

Naturally I was upset. I explained that we had already made a deal not to do merch yet and I also explained that I was uncomfortable with the idea of removing my tag. I went on to explain why visibility was so important for artists. At the time I was a much smaller content creator and DCpup platform was much bigger.

He apologized and said he would give me a cut of the sales. I said don't bother and reluctantly let him do what he wanted. At the time I was too scared to make enemies so I fell into people pleasing.

I took more work from DCpup because I needed the money and I hoped it would be good for my channel growth. He would upload my work to his store and wouldn't credit me. I was frustrated.

The tipping point was after the final comm I took from him. An animated ending screen. During this process DCpup would message me everyday asking for updates which was annoying. When I delivered the final product he once again asked for my tiny, half transparent signature to be removed. I was so upset and defeated, I told myself I'd fight it but I didn't. I removed my sign from every layer, reanimated the whole thing and vowed not to take work from him.

After the piece was done he wanted to commission me again. I left him on read, then I found out what he was saying about me to other people. A good friend of mine showed me a message he had sent in his stream, telling him not to bother commission me, because I would be too busy doing work for him. I was furious.

Another week later I got raided by someone and told the new viewers to check out my work, it broke my heart when someone who looked at my insta, told me he had no idea I made all of DCpups stuff. Why would he? Dcypherpup went to ridiculous lengths to hide my credit. He was telling people not to contact me and not tagging any comm work with my name. One day he came into my live stream and I was so mad I banned him on the spot .

I wish I had done more to be assertive, live and learn. Funnily enough I found out he posted a big rant, telling people off for supporting JK Rowling when Hogwarts legacy released. Only to be called out for buying it and playing it on his steam, which he had forgotten to make private. He deleted the tweet. What a cunt.

Undertheredmoon and Greenypika

Redmoon is furry streamer that I use to really like. They were funny, had great energy and I would even go as far to say that they were a friend.

All this came to a grinding hault the day he invited furry artist and accused child groomer Daveoverlord to join us on Monster hunter rise live on stream.

Dave wasn't in voice chat and I wasn't reading Redmoons twitch chat at the time, so although I was aware of who Dave was, I didn't realize it was them. When someone messaged me about it a few days later I was mortified, I assumed Redmoon didn't know and I messaged them immediately.

I asked Red if he knew who Dave was and what he had done and the kind of artists he was friends with (cub artists). Redmoon ghosted me, left me on read for a week. I messaged again asking why he wasn't talking to me. He said he was too stressed to deal with this "drama" and didn't care to get involved. He mentioned that if Dave was guilty cops probably would have gotten involved and said he just wanted to focus on his own work.

When I asked Redmoon where he stood on cub porn, he stopped replying. We haven't spoken since.

The same person who told me about Dave joining stream also pointed out that Greenypika was inviting Dave onto his stream. They dm'd greeny and asked them if they knew and greeny said he had no idea and that he'd look into it. Greeny hadn't responded for a few months so I dm'd him with the same message and got the same copy paste reply. TLDR greeny knew and was just lying about it so I blocked him too.

Daveoverlord

Dudes a fucking groomer and now he streams. Blocked.

Cidermarten

Cider and I got into an argument once, the topic of which is no one's business.

His bf weyland got mad at me for it and vague tweeted about it so I decided to start a group chat with them to sort it out. And we did.

I apologised for what I did and cider took some time away from interacting with me. Everyone in this situation wanted what was best. And weyland is now one of my best friends.

Cider and I aren't as close as we could be but that's my fault. They're honestly a wonderful person and I appreciate their friendship. There inclusion in this list is to prove a point later but they're also the only person here who I think deserves success.

Stripeydragon and Break trail.

This one is complicated because it involves someone who ment a lot to me.

Back when the exclusive stream team Break Trail formed, my good friend Marsh joined the team. Being an artist he did a lot of the teams promo art of all it's members. Marsh had a lot of anxieties about the team because he was one of its smallest members and often told me he felt underappreciated or out of place. This feeling for worse when artist/streamer and fellow team member Stripeydragon decided he was going to do a redraw of all of marsh's promo work.

I didn't see Marsh much at the time but when this began he spent the better part of a week in my mod chat expressing how upset he was about it. It didn't help he was already anxious but he felt stripydragon was replacing him and even mentioned a time when he tried to give feedback on stripys work only for him to disregard it. Marsh was really fucking upset.

After stripeydragon posted the work my moderator, Ibn, who had been listening and consoling marsh for a week, decided to comment on the art publically. He said he didn't think stripyes version of the art was better and criticized him of slimming down the fater characters.

I wanna pause this to say I don't condone what Ibn did. He ment well but it wasn't his fight and he shouldn't have commented a critique on something no one asked him to judge. Don't do this. Anyway...

Stripeydragon fucking hated this. Not only did he respond to every tweet, he went into the break trail discord and rallied everyone to defend him and attack Ibn, a lot of break trail members also rushed to the comments to defend stripey and attack ibn. He also posted ibns comment in his own discord to encourage others to dog pile on. This shit got out of hand super fucking fast. Ibn was crying and marsh was pissed. It was betray of trust on Ibns part, but the way stripey responded was downright scary.

Shit was at its peak by the time I woke up (Australian timezone) and I immediately went into damage control. I gave Ibn a huge lecture, I was mad af and told him to apologize. I dm'd breaktrails stream team manager Mari, and tried my best to defuse the situation so that both parties could stop. Everyone deleted their tweets. Ibn apologised a dozen times and Marsh told everyone that ibn was just an asshole.

So the story everyone believes now is that marsh actually loves stripydragons work and Ibn is just a weird jerk. There where no consequences for stripydragons weaponizing a stream team and their fan base against someone on twitter. They're still a member of break trail but the team has been dead for a long time. I understand that Ibn was in the wrong and marsh should have just talked about his issues with his team. But this is another case of someone with a big platform and bigger ego not hesitating to use that to attack others.

Starkymorph

this one is fucked up.

Starky mods for a bunch of break trail members, so he had an inside look into the whole stripeydragon thing. Keep that in mind.

About a year after the stripey incident, I woke up to a message from starky. I had recently finished a commission for starky but apart from that we didn't know each other well.

He claimed that ibn had harassed him on stream by bringing up controversial topics and that because he was my mod he wasn't going to support me any more. I was pretty angry, Ibn was causing trouble again. I dm'd ibn and told him I didn't want to hear what he had to say and instead I just wanted the timestamp on Starkeys VOD so I could see what he did myself.

I watched the VOD and what I saw didn't line up with anything starky had said. He made the whole thing up.

What really happened was, starky decided to bring up "cancel culture" and went on a rant about how it was inherently bad and that anyone who participates in it only does it for "self-aggrandizing reasons". A lot of the shit he said was very thinly veiled right wing bullshit dog whistles.

Ibn asked him to elaborate and said something to the likes of "what about people who cancel pedos and rapists" and starky banned ibn and ended the convo.

Ibn didn't start the controversial topic and he didn't harass anyone. But starky was mad and wanted to attack him, he knew Ibn had a history of starting shit so he came to me with a bullshit story thinking I'd believe him and Ibn would lose his friends. And it almost worked.

I tried to talk some sense into starky, I pointed out that his original message was dishonest. Starky doubled down and made up more lies. He continued to claim that things happened during the stream that aren't in the VOD. He even bought up weylandshere and claimed he was harassing him too, out of nowhere! which if you watch the VOD is also completely made up. He said some ablist shit about "high functioning autism" aswell, its all really incoherent. Non of this is true and I downloaded the VOD so he couldn't hide the evidence.

Starky tried to use my argument with cider and Ibns argument with stripy as evidence that we were bad people. I found this really sinister, because my initial reaction to Starkys story, was that i believed him, pretty much everyone reacted this way. It upsets me that i was almost convinced to distance myself from my best friend because of a lie.

A ton of people didn't watch the VOD and took Starkeys word. Starky blocked me and started asking all his followers and mutuals to do the same. A whole bunch of people sub tweeted about ibn being an abuser and me being an enabler. It was fucking aweful. It went on for days.

This only stopped when Kyziethewolf stepped in and defended me. Even tho starky was one of his best friends, he had watched the VOD and told everyone he was lying. Starky doesn't talk to kyzie now and it really broke his heart.

A lot of people still believe starky and I lost a bunch of mutual streamers support because of this. It's one of the worst attacks I've suffered on twitter/twitch to date.

I found out a few months later he's added "outcast is racist" to the narrative he tells people and there's nothing I can do about that

This also basically ended my friendship with Marsh. I've known marsh for 7 years and hes a friend of Starkeys too. During this whole ordeal he never spoke up, it was only kyzie. I was really upset about this because i feel that Marsh could have made a significant change to how this played out if he had of just stepped in.

When he dm'd me a few weeks after asking if I'm make some free art for his project I told him no. I told him I was hurt. He said he just didn't want to get involved in drama. i think its really harmful to reduce harassment to just "drama". We've stopped talking.

Jayedskier

I met jayed though my friend weyland. I needed a 3D artists and he needed work.

Jayed had recently lost a lot of friends because during COVID he tweeted that people not social distancing at a furcon where putting disabled, high risk, people's lives in danger. Totally righteous imo.

He however also tweeted that anyone who doesn't where a mask should kill themselves and deservingly got a lot of hate and backlash. Lost a lot of friends. Since then he was pretty unwilling to comment on any political shit. Publically that is.

The first fight I got into with jayed was when Ibn reposted a Tumblr thread about the YouTuber keffals, and some of the problematic things she'd done. Jayed loves keffals so he dm'd Ibn about it and started a huge fight defending his favourite YouTuber. I stepped in to try and resolve the fight but no one was really happy.

This argument made jayed realise that he didn't have the same values as the friend group he was in. He liked keffals, he thought it was ok to say the R slur and he felt people should be allowed to support JK Rowling.

He left my discord and I contacted him trying to smooth things over. We talked for a long time and I settled on agree to dissagree the hopes to change his mind on some of these issues.

That didn't happen. Jayed kept starting fights about woke shit, even though he's a self proclaimed "leftist" and it slowly drove a wedge between us. He stopped talking to everyone in our friend group, unfollowed us all on socials.

Artists/streamer and friend Ixu had drawn a big group shot of all of us together. Weyland (who is in this friend group) was pretty angry about the whole ordeal so he asked Ixu for a version without jayed edited out. When he posted this jayed got super pissed about it.

Jayed tweeted about how unwelcoming my community was. Screen caped some DM's and changed the context. I was so angry, I had spent months continuing to offer my friend ship and trying to change his mind. One of the last fights we got into he said he was mad that "people" expected him to show support for Palestine and thats kind of the end of it.

This one hurt because it felt like a betrayal. Jayed you can get fucked dude.

Socksthewolf

This one is super recent and is basically why I decided to write this.

I can't remember how I met socks. They work in the games industry and they have a LOT of money/connections. He gives away a lot of stuff, Donates to people a lot. He very affectionate and Everyone loves him. I even accepted a bunch of charity/gifts from him and in return drew a bunch of gift art.

Socks success made a few mutuals of mine uncomfortable. He had a lot of money to put into stream so his channel grew insanely fast. I'm also told he made comments to some mutuals, comparing channel growth that made them feel bad. He ran multiple giveaways and got partner almost a year after starting stream.

There was some drama between socks and one of his mods. I tried my hardest not to get involved. Socks employs a lot of parasocial strategies in order to retain an audience so he flirts a lot and also has a persona of "I'm you dad" on stream. Idk if this counts as love bombing, but it feels similar.

I heard that one of his mods developed a crush on him and when rejected, he drank himself into the hospital. He almost died.

I spoke with this ex mod about it. He doesn't blame socks for what happened even tho he feels the rejection was harsh. I still feel that socks takes advantage of people with his gifts and parasocial friendship. This is a result of that going unchecked.

One of our mutuals found out about this and was really upset. They tweeted about it and tried to hold socks accountable. Nothing came of it.

I grew distant from socks when he started hanging out with Redmoon a lot. Because I felt close to them at the time I messaged him a about Redmoon and what happened between us. He never replied.

This story takes a dark turn when jayedskier, friend of socks, decided to make that tweet mentioned in his section. Socks also went in on someone jayed had mentioned.

This is about my good friend Weyland. Weyland had had someone very close to them pass away recently. Socks complied some tweets and chat screen caps, and made up a story of weyland threatening to kill themselves.

Some of the messages were about weylands dead friend. Socks knowingly changed the context and lied to make weyland look bad.

I honestly think this is the worst thing on this post. To use the death of someone and the personal anguish of someone and ammo for you bullshit story about them is fucking horrifying.

I replied to socks tweet about weyland, I told him what he was doing was wrong. He told me that he feels bad I'm surrounded by toxic people and that he hopes they get better.

After seeing the way socks treats his audience and the way he lied about another streamer, I genuinely believe hes some kind of abuser. Idk the vibe is REALLY off with this one. This feels worse then bullying, there's an ego about it. I've blocked socks on everything. Frankly they scare me.

Final notes

Anyway that's been my aweful experience with aweful twitch streamers. The whole thing has left me bitter and sad and I no longer want to interact with anyone. idk where to go from here.

Twitch TOS doesn't care what people say or do on other platforms. And with other streamers/mutuals so unwilling to get involved or show support I just feel alone.

I do feel compelled to speak up when I see or experience something I think isn't right. I think a lot of neurodivegant people, like myself, feel that way. But I think it's been terrible for my career. I hate the feeling that I'd be so much more successful if I'd shut my mouth and looked away. Maybe even be partner by now. I know a lot of this comes across as just "furry drama" but i think its reductive to label it as that. Content creators who engage in these kind of harmful behaviors need to be held accountable if we want to see any positive change. And im not saying that means "CANCEL" them. some (not all) of these content creators can still learn and grow and be better. Negative attitudes and dismissive statements of "its just drama" create a space for bullies to thrive

Finally, please PLEASE do NOT under any circumstances harass anyone involved in this post. This is not an attempt to rally the masses to lynch some people, im just telling my story so that next time you see someone come forward with claims about a content creator you like you'll see the situation differently.

If you made it this far, wow. Thank you. Dunno if I'll post the vids/screencap evidence. I don't know if I care enough.

Quitting RoR2 Modding

(posting this in case anyone who plays my RoR2 mods isn't in any of the discord servers lol)

So, basically, yeah, I'm done with Risk of Rain 2 for good. Don't wanna associate myself with the game. Just really want it gone from my life. I don't want to think about it.

All of the mods I made out of my personal interest are now marked as deprecated, and potentially will even be deleted later. The only things that will stay are projects that were either made for friends, had contributions from more than just me, or are funny enough that I feel like they should stay.

Why? For a lot of reasons.

The Community Manager

So, SeventeenUncles (or Suncles, as we all call him). The guy may seem like a chill person on the twitch streams, but god. He's Bad at server moderation. Everybody in the server knows it. And if somebody has any kind of complaint about that moderation, he silences all the critique and tells to open a ticket via Modmail, which will not result in anything because why would he care lmao he's the community manager and he makes all the rules.

Like this one. I wrote a proper, consise ticket about my mute (which was unfair, by the way!), expecting to either get unmuted or at least get a response or have a conversation as to why they think it was fair. Guess what I got.

you're welcome suncles.

There's a lot of problems with how he's running the server, which I'm not gonna talk about, because, luckily, someone else has already done it, in detail! https://www.tumblr.com/gabrielultrakill-bigboobs/723312859455651840/the-official-risk-of-rain-discord-and-its-hellish?source=share

A lot of nasty stuff. In the official server, mind you.

But yeah. He represents the company Hopoo Games, and who am I to support a company with a prick as their representative :)

The Community Itself

Now, I know this is a dumb reason to quit over, but it's not the reason. It's just one of them.

It's toxic. Elitist. And, most importantly, way too controllable. We have, like, 4-5 mainstream content creators, and almost all of them manage to give the worst tips to newbies despite sinking hours into the game and, supposedly, having a lot of experience and knowledge.

It's so bad to the point where some youtubers call out the wiki for giving "false information", so their fans go on the wiki and make edits while parroting whatever Mr. Youtuber said.

Picture this: you're a new player, and you have unlocked a hard character. You struggle with them, so you go to the wiki, and the first thing you're told is that you actually need to unlock a different ability for them to make them playable. And only 7-8 paragraphs below, the wiki tells you how to use the base abilities properly. You know. The ones that you have right now, as a new player. While also making them sound weaker than they are in reality. Doesn't this sound like imposing someone specific's preferred playstyle onto everybody else?

Constant arguments. You open the discord server, or the subreddit, or a youtube video, just about anything, and you'll see people disrespecting each other over a video game. These arguments usually stem from someone being incorrect, them getting corrected by others, and that person fighting until the end of times just to prove that they're actually right, because, for some reason, they can't accept being wrong.

And I kept seeing these arguments. Engaging in them. When you want to interact with the community of a game on this scale of popularity, you just can't not encounter the bad parts. Statistically impossible.

Oh, and you know why the community partially is like that? Because the devs and the moderators are fine with that behaviour. The devs are known to be all mean and like "massive trolls" or whatever. Meanwhile, you don't see this shit happening in the A Hat in Time or Celeste servers.

Other Projects

Lastly, I've been meaning to quit RoR2 for a long time now. I want to move on and do something else. I've been making RoR2 mods for 4 years now, I think? It's a shame I have to leave like this, but eh, whatever.

If you're reading this, I hope you're doing well! I'm doing well, because I got rid of the part of my life that's been bothering me for way too long :3 See ya in other games that I'll mod!

quick but late update

I feel I disappear, I don’t even know when was the last time I told you guys what is going on (in summary, nothing lol). As time passed, my backlog of subs decreased, so I don’t have anything ready for times like these when I know I’ve been away for too long.

(Warning for babbling)

And this is a happy thing, but a bunch of new translators have come up and subbed streams are often happening with works of those who prefer to leave their works to a more controlled environment. I get them. I used to feel frustrated some translations were nearly inaccessible to shy people like me, but the truth is that discord servers made it all easier, to a point I even wonder if in return my subs became less accessible, as you’d have to know how to rip your DVD or record from Sky Stage or find less licit copies and download them (by the way, you can use subs without ripping from your disc through some video players (I think VLC can do it now) but I recommend you do get the file on your computer for the disc to last longer), instead of just tuning it to the latest stream. But I can’t stream them for you, I’m very about that. It’s the main reason I make it clear anyone can stream using my subs as long as it’s not a paid event, I do want everyone to enjoy Takarazuka.

(End of the babbling, hopefully, I shouldn’t have come here medicated...)

What I really wanted to post about are the updates:

I intend to adapt Tsuki no Hokage to the new Tsukigumi version as soon as it airs on Sky Stage (I don’t think we’ll get a Bluray of it any time soon as Paru and Ami have barely graduated from shinko). Let’s hope I’m still around!

Great Gatsby, thanks to everything that has been shared to me and even the help with the golf stuff, is almost done, there’s like twenty minutes left plus revising it, which I’m terrible doing... but you guys are used to the lack of quality by now.

I intend to sub Rain on Neptune if I can get the closed captions whenever it airs (just saw it won’t be in April, I’m hoping for May). And I also intend to sub Blackjack (maybe even do the original with Yan). I also wish I could find something I want to do other than the latest Tsukigumi shows, but I am supremely happy whenever the other shows get translated so I can just enjoy them subbed. This has allowed me to tackle on the works I’ve wanted to show my friends for years, but maybe I also got a bit lazy now the main ones are done (there’s Yukinojo, but I’m too much of a coward to attempt anything with the script).

And those are the news I had to tell!

Man... I can't stop thinking about the things that were talked about on the stream, especially the answer on my question - so... get ready for a ramble! its a long one. oops. i dont even know where im going with this, im just dumping my thoughts somewhere. half is about ttcc lore in general and the streams, the other half is about cathal and me projecting onto him deeper.

before i even hop deeper into this, it wasn't until early today that i learned that there was a whole drama about cranky's answers (regarding the graham and flint question and the whole "keep it sane" thing. i thought it was...off, but i understood it as 'do what you want people, just don't start any harassment because of ships and your favorite pairs'.

definitely could have been phrased better, though. at least we got a good response and an apology later from maven on twitter. but i legit did not know this was a drama until those twitter posts were made LOL. i dont interact with the fandom so i do not know how that answer was percieved by most. or if anyone except for me and my friends have had any thoughts about the question i asked that got answered.)

and what im tryna get to is that i get cranky isnt the one to be answering lore things, and probably didnt know what to answer... but it's still something to think about

because being told "cogs and toons just dont become how they are out of the blue" (paraphrasing here) as an answer to what cathal initially thought of seeing his dad be bet up and thrown off a tower is... confusing? he did say first and foremost that it has to be built upon before saying that. i understand that this is... a lot of characters! and cathal did have some focus on him thanks to the comic and they wanted to focus on other managers... but some have deeper, more intricate lore that's easy to grasp (especially the more, well, angstier managers like chip and misty.)

and we have gotten some extra lore for other managers like belle, mary, tawny.... thanks to thomas' rambles.

and it's definitely difficult for a team of volounteers working hard on a fan game together to make lore for all the characters, that are still very young in their *life span*, having been around for less than a year. despite ttcc being more character driven and focused on the cogs, it's still a game they have to run so they cannot focus on lore only and some game management has to be done first. there's a bunch of things they have to consider, like consistency and how fans may react, or possible themes or what they want the story to be...

and. yeah. its hard since. come on lets admit it. clash has an issue with how these are all given to us. hell, there's lore bits i still dont know about and im still learning because it's..so all over the place. a new player will not know about it. maven acknowledged this in the tweet and i really appreciate that, as it's honestly been my number one issue with clash, especially as someone who is there for the lore. (i mean, and the gameplay, i know some people who don't play the game itself much. well i sure do a little TOO MUCH because i have PROBLEMS. but im interested in the lore, too, yknow?)

some lore you cant learn from the wiki, and unless you interact with the community, you may never learn *where* all of this even is. if you werent live for certain lore there, it's hardly accessible to you. lore locked behind one time events, an arg website, wikis, discord chats... all that. it's hard to keep track of! i'm sure it's like that for both the fans and the writers. these characters are great, fun, and i love them, but the way we are given this information is... not the best. it's very easy to miss certain details.

it's especially bad if you're like me - only ever interacting with a close group of people you trust, (because people are scary especially a lot of... lore driven fans. yeahnoimeanshippers.sorry.and just big crowds of people in general) having only gotten back into the game recently AFTER most of the major lore events (first played once in 2019, then never again until january 2023) and also you dislike youtube and video content, so you dont watch it. something in your brain would rather if you step on a nail than watch a playthrough video (especially with commentary).

like in general it shouldnt be necessary to go through all these hoops just to know the lore! especially for things that may have little lore...

anyways, uh, back to cathal. i cannot stop thinking about this.

it definitely wasnt an answer to what i specifically asked - but possibly more so about... why cathal is the way he is? and despite what my brain and low self esteem during hard times may tell me - i do not believe that anybody is truly "lazy". i just dont think that exists. there's always some reason behind a person being unmotivated or lazy. even the little things!

but like... that's just kinda obvious. all toons and cogs have motivations. thats like... one of the basics of writing characters. have motivations for characters and reasons for why they are how they are. doesnt have to be anything tragic, just.... how they are as people.

it's totally unrelated to the question of what cathal thought about seeing his dad like that... but oh well! i asked that because i made up my own story around that already, and i just wanted to see what someone working on the game thinks about the same idea.

not to be Tumblr User CathalBravecog, but, of course I have projected heavily onto cathal. i have already stated how important cathal is to me as a character, especially with appreciating myself when im.. not exactly the most motivated. when im not doing much. taught me to appreciate breaks. hell! i keep preaching this myself. its okay to take breaks! and yet i often end up not doing it and i overwork myself on games and art and other things.

there's... a lot of things "wrong" with me that i don't have names for yet, especially due to not having a diagnosis for them, but they're very real feelings and they cause me to be unable to do things a lot of the time. various mental blocks and a new member of the gang... physical pai! hooray.

this... endless productivity we are forced and expected to do. it can take a toll on you. breaks are just as necessary and to say it's a thing that has to be re-learned is... sickening. hooray for living in a Corporate (clash) society, fellas.

one thing i can say is that i absolutely headcanon that cathal has adhd - though, maybe not the same type i do. i do not think he gets randomly hyper and wants to (and does) jump around everywhere and blurt things out randomly and impulsively. cathal here has the low energy, yknow.

i like that a lot of the content around him doesnt even describe him with the words "lazy" and "sleepy" instead.

every day is the same... even if his job is relatively simple, just watching over the camera feed - it's definitely boring... and having to do it every day is not rewarding. and being mostly alone and without consequence, he gives into wanting to do something else. he's got these huge screens and a room to himself, and he loves watching shows and cartoons... so he's gonna do that. it's more fun. it's stimulating. and especially with his dad being the one to give him his position, he knows that he's got nothing to really worry about there.

i also think it's a bit hard to be motivated knowing that... this war between the cogs and toons is just. endless. hell, again, he has to see his dad *everyday* be attacked by them. his body damaged after the fall - only to be fixed again. rinse and repeat. i would too, find it pointless. especially if you're like cathal, since i pointed out before that he is very kind and caring towards the other cogs. he's also thoughtful, noting that yknow... a lot of stairs to get to his room.

why do all that when you can chill... and feel good. do something that feels nice...

i don't have any names for this, but with how sleepy he usually is, that's definitely a thing to consider too. and just, from experience... being tired and/or sleepy it... dismotivates you even more. its so hard to start tasks even if you *want* to do them. and considering cathal mooost likely doesn't want to do his work on his own - then these tasks can be just. impossible to start.

like, i have struggled with this my entire life myself, just because of my adhd screwing with everything, but after getting covid and most definitely getting a form of chronic exhaustion from it.. things have been even harder. i pull myself through day and i barely have the energy to even start anything. sometimes i dont even do anything all day and... woops! still no mood or energy to do anything. i just work on random bursts of motivation and things that captivate me...

not sure how it relates to cathal, but, hey, if im personal here ill ramble about it too because WOW it has been biting me in the ass and i need to speak to Professionals About It

like... i dont think hes being "lazy" willingly, yknow? theres a reason behind it. it definitely is just... being sleepy, the comfort... the fun and stimulation doing something fun he's interested in (his shows) are just... stronger desires and way easier for him to get to. why struggle through something when it takes up all your energy, and then you feel no reward for it? yeah. exactly. even just "not feeling like it" is a reson. "not having energy" is a reason. hey, are these things to get better about if needed? certainly. i wish i could get help with this, it would help me in my life so so much. but should it be seen as ENTIRELY negative and as being a "hinder to society". hell nah. and i think thats swag. cathal is swag he can do this, good for him lmaooo. my brain is deteriorating i apologize.

there was... another thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. so i'll move on.

but just... yeah. i dont think cathal is just lazy. i dont believe in "laziness". he's got reasons for why he prefers naps and just... watching tv instead of doing his work. perhaps he does want to do these things, but gave up on trying. its not worth the effort, it does not feel good. its not stimulating enough to keep him going.

Saw that you asked for a timeline a couple weeks ago ab her ex! I was around since the start of Tina officially streaming (among us era being 3 yrs ago wtf…) but I remember the timeline of Tina and her ex relationship, when she met everyone, kina timeline, etc.

December 2020:

- Tina and Karl first meet in one of the otv among us lobbies, they were very silly funny and got along quickly

- That same day they followed each other on socials, and subbed to each other on twitch; karl tweeted to her that they should play more games (bonded over shared interests)

- They played and interacted in the big OTV rust server

January 2021:

- Karl gift 50 subs to Tina, and she also mods him

- Karl who was in Tina’s chat and she asks him to join the lobby she was in

- Tina tweeted that she was cold and Karl suggested she buy a scarf that he also owns so they can match (she did buy it)

- Karl joins tina art streams

Feb 2021:

- Corpse Karl and Tina made a discord vc where they hang out, talk and play games offline (they named it ‘not live’)

- Karl told Tina he’s watched her youtube vids and he knows her impostor tells

- Salad gang gets formed by corpse; they all always hang and talk in the middle of the night

March 2021

- Tina’s ex tweeted that they broke up on 3/2, and tina takes almost two weeks off from streaming

-A few days later, on 3/6, tina & karl meet up IRL in nyc to see corpse’s billboard

- Tina starts streaming again and then karl lurked in her chat and gifts subs, while he was busy doing a podcast w train

April-May:

- Tina starts posting forh0nktwt selfie days

- Karl commenting “M’LADY awooga” under tina’s ig pic and tina commenting “SIR *awooga*” under his pic (to which he replies ‘on the main? 😳’)

- Karl and Tina talk ab going to ny again or just traveling together

June 2021:

-fan spotted Karl at vegas airport around 6/6, where tina recently moved to

- One of mr beast’s guys posts an ig pic of the crew at breakfast, which revealed tina and karl at the table eating with them

Aug 2021:

-Karl and Tina meet in la again to eat dinner with salad gang + quackty, both went shopping with brooke and then met up with corpse together

Sept 2021:

- Tina went to vidsummit with karl and then went again for karls interview

- Tina talked ab how karl was the first person to like cartoons as much as her and when they first started talking he gifted her a signed comic

Oct/Nov 2021:

- Tina and Karl go to universal with q on halloween, both wearing matching slytherin outfits

- Kina watch cartoons with each other on stream

Jan 2022:

- Tina watches cartoons w Karl in vc then raids him, karl also watching cartoons w her in vc

- Tina and Karl wear the matching puppy cat scarves that he recommended the year before

Y’all kno the rest✔️

THANKS :D i looove kina timelines because everyone sending them adds a few different details. very interesting.

i'm interested in the portland theory btw, if anyone has any other details or leaks that could persuade people. i know it's been talked about but maybe a timeline on that would help visualize it if anyone wants to make one.

other timelines that were sent to me are tagged with #kina timeline too

“Anxiety Writing”, Imperator Rome, Antiquity, Lance’s Role and my infuriating obsession with a “Catholic Fantasy” cartoon for children

Since I’ve decided to focus a bit more effort on Tumblr after basically being a whole year quiet, to the point I published ten whole chapters since the last time I publicised one here, I thought I’d try my hand at writing a blog post too, since that’s kind of what this site is supposed to be about. 1. Confessions about being the biggest Saint Seiya Tsundere People who know me online, even tangentially, whether on Discord, Fanfiction.net, Twitter or Tumbler, know one thing about me; I have an obsession with a pathetic excuse of a show called Saint Seiya. Or Knights of the Zodiac. Or whatever you wanna call it, I don’t care, call it Power Rangers: Ancient Greece if you want to.

But frankly? I kind of despise this franchise. I mean the whole of it. I really do. It’s so bad, to an embarassing level, like a B movie cashing in on a trend. It makes me genuinely embarassed that half the things I have to talk about with anyone about the last 10 years of my life are either about depression, college or Saint Seiya. And when I’m not embarassed by it, I’m infuriated, because Saint Seiya, for those of you who don’t know, is one of those franchises that has become endlessly commodified online. They’re a bit too aware of their own success and have decided to bank on it for the rest of its irrelevant existence, endlessly pumping out bad cartoons and CGI-filled movies to raise the appeal of the toys and DVDs they want to sell.

And yet, I have the ignoble badge of having spent those ten years writing a shockingly long fanfic of it, a fanfic that I pretty much work on every other day or so for the past 4000 days of my life. And this is the only life I’m gonna get lol Not only have I written Lance’s Role, a incoherent behemoth of a fic, but I’ve befriended SS fanfic writers, I’ve reviewed SS writing, I’ve commissioned art, I’ve climbed my way to a top of a SS Discord server that I didn’t even create, I’ve hosted streams of episodes of all of its spinoffs to friends and I’ve endlessly discussed every minute aspect of this franchise, from Seiya’s character flanderisation in classic Saint Seiya, to the accidentally sexual language of the scene of Athena “taking in Saga’s knife”, to the lighting on Chakram Europa’s monologue in Saint Seiya Omega. Like, the bots on those servers tracking everyone’s posting experience speak for themselves; I’ve talked about SS more than some of its oldest and most ferverous members combined.

Why do I do this? lol Wtf is the matter with me? I’m a 30 year old college graduate that barely even liked this show when I saw it on TV back in the 90s, in the few moments of my off-hours when I wasn’t being dragged to church masses, or other social gatherings my parents didn’t really even believe in. Why have I revolved my headspace around a show I don’t like or respect?

A couple years back, my friend @zebulonwallace told me that a friend of hers once described Saint Seiya as “Catholic Fantasy”. We talked in-depth about it and why her friend claimed it and really, even when discounting the regions this show is popular at (France, Latin America, etc). While I feel like that moment made a lightbulb turn on my head about why I can’t forget about this stupid show, it’s just too easy an explanation. It’s too convenient and comfortable and it puts the hot lightbulb too away from myself. It doesn’t take a degree in media literacy to see that SS is packed to the brim with catholic imagery. Saori herself is one big Virgin Mary figure, especially in the 4th movie of Saint Seiya which, guess what, stars the DEVIL as the villain. So, I think it’s time to fess up that there is no good reason for these last ten years of my life. I’m just an obsessive idiot who found an easy target. That’s the truth. Saint Seiya is my stress toy because, frankly, it’s easy and comfortable to criticise it. It doesn’t take a lot of in-depth thinking out of me to point out its flaws and, frankly, that makes it less of a threat to my ego. It also has a very fractured and, paradoxically, unquestioning fanbase, which makes it very easy for me to levy arguments against pretty much every single niche in it whenever I want to feel superior to someone who thinks “Seiya is a true role model” or that “it’s fine that Lost Canvas has bad writing, cause Gold Saintz be hot”. If I was writing for One Piece or something, however, a franchise I have much greater admiration for, I would be competing with people with a lot more imagination and media savviness. Lance’s Role, which is essentially my personal anxiety outlet, would be under a lot more scrutiny in such spaces.

Why Saint Seiya, of all things, though? Why not Bleach, which is more modern, equally flawed and even somewhat inspired by Saint Seiya? Well, because fucking Bleach doesn’t have Ancient Greece on it, you dingus! Duh! It’s about fashion magazine Samurais wearing hip clothing, not people being drawn on pots chocking a lion or something : v 2. Imperator Rome and Antiquity Nerdism So, what some people might not know about me in my spaces (or maybe they do), is that I’m also a big fan of history and geography. My mother was a geography teacher herself, my father was... part of a questionable culture of historical revisionism BUT ALSO a respected journalist in our area, so I think I just have it in my blood to have a deep curiosity about how history and geography relate to eachother. It permeates everything I do and, even in my early years, I had a fascination for Ancient Greece and Rome, because they were the closest sources of the topic I could understand.

As such, I’m also a big fan of video games heavy on history and geography. This manifests itself in me having 1250 hours of playing Imperator Rome, a game even some of the most ardent Paradox Interactive fans barely have a tenth of the time spent on, and that time in IR is almost a tenth of the time I’ve probably spent writing Lance’s Role. Imperator Rome, despite its name, is frankly a lot more about celebrating the Hellenistic Period than the Roman one, with a lot of features and tidbits dedicated to the history of the Diadochi states, Makedonia, Greece, the Indian Mauryias and even the extinct Aechemenid Empire. Hell, Rome is almost just the easy-access gateway civilisation you play before you inevitably dive into the rabbit hole that are Diadochi soap-opera intrigues.

And if you dive into this rabbit hole, the first thing you realise is that there’s so much more to Antiquity than you even imagined. I never heard in my life of Antigonus Monophtalmos, and now I think he’s some kind of super one-eyed mega-general worthy of his own page on Badass of the Week, a dude who spent his life routinely dunking on his fellow former friends and was the first of Alexander’s subordinates to dare proclaim himself King and try to reunite his lands, only to then meet his end when some random dude hit him with a javelin. Yes, the guy got killed by a freaking random mook who got close enough to throw a stick. And that was the first battle his side would ever lose. That’s so comically tragic that its like something out of the Illiad or whatever. Eumenes of Cardia, the secretary of Alexander the Great that Antigonus defeated and killed, is such an obscure and interesting character that there’s AN ENTIRE AWARD-WINNING MANGA made about him by Itoshi Iwaaki called ‘Historie’. Imperator Rome even references it in its achievements. How cool is that? Moreover, I also never heard of how much of a dingus Antigonus’ son Demetrius was and how his fuck ups and delusions created a cascade of fails that, through his descendancy, led to the fall of Greece to Rome and effectively the beginning of the end of the Hellenistic Period. And did you know Phyrrus of Epirus, the fabled coiner of the phrase “Phyrric Victory”, died not in battle, but because while he was occupying Argos in a war, some random old lady hit him with a roof tile over the head, and his enemies decapitated him? The guy spent a decade of his life going up and down Sicily, fighting both Carthage AND a nascent Rome, and the thing that does him in was your nasty gradma complaining from her window how your horse was eating her flowers, or something. This was such a tragic end that Phyrrus’ enemy, the descendant of Antigonus, punished his son for cutting off Phyrrus’ head, because it reminded him of the curse his own family felt. Forget it, this isn’t like the Illiad, this is borderline Shakesperean. This is Hamlet, Greek-edition. Or I guess Hamlet is Phyrrus, Danish-Edition. Or is it English? I also never understood the cascade of complexity that was Egyptian dynastic history and its screwed up mix of monumentality and petty intrigue until Imperator Rome gave me a framework to understand its geography and rulers and encouraged me to read more about Antoquity outside of Ancient Greece. I found myself thinking back to the character of the graphic novel Watchmen, Ozymandias, and how he went from admiring Alexander the Great to admiring Ramses instead, cause holy crap, Ramses... was also kind of an incredible character of history. No, really, there are so many characters in antiquity, female and male, poor and rich, generals or philosophers, Greeks or Persians or Egyptians or Levantine, who are so immensely interesting and wrapped in legend that, in a way, Greek Mythology *falls short* of real life Antiquity people. I feel like I’ve barely dipped my toes. And hell, this is just one region, in one continent, in one era of the world. I will never understand fully the complexity of the Chinese Warring States period, because there’s just so much to go into it, but I definitely appreciate more the immensity of it. In a way, you could say reality, at least the recorded one, is endlessly more fascinating than the myths it inspires. .... *sigh* And then you have a show like Saint Seiya. ╯︿╰ 3. What Saint Seiya is, what it is not Allow me to be serious for a second; I don’t believe Saint Seiya should or could be this one big epic tribute to the comically complex history of the Eastern Mediterranean. At the end of the day, it’s Power Rangers: Ancient Greece. That’s all it’s ever going to be. It wouldn’t even be entertaining if it was loaded with all this lore. Saint Seiya appeals to a very popular conception of astrology, greek mythology and catholic imagery, all three things popular and various demographics, both in the West and the East, and mixes it in with shounen fluff from the late 80s. Saint Seiya is a show for children. And (wo)man-children. It’s not “Game of Thrones”. And that’s fine, lol

... But it doesn’t mean the potential isn’t there, does it? Or that its appropriation (if this term can be used) of Eastern Mediterranean mythology (specifically the Greek one) to drive up its appeal in markets is any less apparent. Right? And when you combine it with all the loose ends, unfinished character arcs and wonky timeline welding between the various spin offs, there’s just this big, fertile middle ground there, just tempting you to do something with it! So, what is an obsessive nerd like me supposed to do with all that untapped wealth just sitting there? Just bitch and complain that no one with a Toei badge on their suit will dig it for me, like so many do? Just endlessly whine that no one will put at the helm some sycophant artist regurgitating Shingo Araki’s style on Twitter? Well, no. That’s stupid. There’s honestly a lot of fertile ground in Saint Seiya to tell stories. All you really gotta do is plant a seed and water it and I guarantee; it will bloom. I have had endless conversations with friends of mine like Kenshiro and Zeb about the insane amount of fun things you can do with this world and some of them even expressed desire to maybe one day give writing them a shot. So maybe Saint Seiya isn’t Game of Thrones, or even Dragon Ball, but it does sound like it is something. And that if a passionate fan just takes the time, they could make it that something. So why doesn’t it happen? Especially when some people, like me, are obsessed enough to give it a go? Well, frankly, cause it’s a fool’s errand. 4. Saint Seiya Rewrites and “What the Fans Want” Saint Seiya fans don’t want Saint Seiya stories. They want an elevation of Saint Seiya stories into something of mainstream impact. The reasons for this are not monolithical, but it is the main driving force of what I’ve seen constitutes as the motivation of the core of the fanbase. This, the fandom believes, can be done two ways:

a) Finishing and adapting the now, pretty much, mythical “Heaven Chapter” that Masami Kurumada just won’t get into, which will usher Saint Seiya into a new age of Shounen relevance that will put it back in the pantheon of anime along with Dragon Ball and One Punch Man

b) “Fixing” early Saint Seiya, usually through some kind of new manga edition, rewrite of Sanctuary Arc or outright remake of the old anime, preferably cutting out filler

It is no coincidence that half the new stuff coming out the past 15 years for Saint Seiya that has gotten any sort of traction online (and not scoffed at or ignored like Dark Wing and Sho were) were either pseudo-sequels like Omega (see method A) , or movies and tv shows retelling the story of Galaxian Wars and Sanctuary Arc with new computer-assisted animation, 3D and now live action (see method B). There is a firm belief among fans that all that Saint Seiya needs to do is just get through Next Dimension and have Seiya finally climb Mount Olympus, Kratos-Style, and defeat Zeus, so that everything will be right with Saint Seiya and it can reclaim its spot of relevance, where fans can debate online freely in scaling forums and anime Discord Servers why Saint Seiya is *so* important as an influence to popular shows like My Hero Academia, Demon Slayer and Jujutsu Kaizen. I don’t know about you, but this to me just sounds a lot like Abraham Simpson fantasies, the kind where he complains he “used to be with it”, or how his descendants don’t appreciate him or give him the attention he feels entitled to. Its the kind of thinking that has no concern for the characters themselves, the voice of Kurumada or the style of storytelling they oh-so-love-so-much, and more to do with fragile weeb egos desperately trying to prove to teenagers online they shouldn’t laugh at their old show. But regardless of how I feel about it,... it’s the market of Saint Seiya. These attitudes are what define what the fans seek in Saint Seiya and what market researchers will tell their directors and animators to appeal to in future projects. Hence the glut of revisionist shows and remakes of Sanctuary Arc like Legend of Sanctuary, Knights of the Zodiac and now the 2023 LA Saint Seiya movie. So is there really a place for originality in Saint Seiya? No. Sorry. Well, don’t turn away just yet, this post ends with a positive message, just stick with me first through the valley of darkness. @melosfantasos​  is an author currently writing a remake of Saint Seiya. By their own words, “Saints of Athena” is what they wished Knights of the Zodiac by Netflix had been like. It is a fan rewrite of Saint Seiya, just like Bruno Masei’s “Legend of Seiya”. Melos, in some ways, represents this wave of wanting someone to ‘fix’ Saint Seiya, but rather than sitting around waiting for someone in Japan to read their minds and get to it, or stan accounts of fanartist shills on Twitter endlessly posting more and more ‘tributes’ to Shingo Araki, or make posts online about “Why aren’t things better? ＞︿＜Boohoo!” Melos took upon themselves to sit down and effing write. And you know what? Melos is doing a pretty good job. “Saints of Athena” is of relative quality and Melos has written 250,000 words in a year, which is a level of hardwork that should be respected no matter your opinion on the product. People, including me, have praised Melos for harnessing the potential of the characters and setting in a narrative form. And you know what? For a fandom that seems to think that the height of characterisation is Aldebaran in Kotz talking to a couple of Hoplites for five seconds about how tense things are in Sanctuary? Melos’ writing oughta be Shakesperean to them. Applause *clap clap* We got a real fan! This is it, right? This is what SS fans have been looking for. Someone with passion for the ‘narrative’ to take the reins and really use the characters the way everyone wants them to. So how many reviews has Melos gotten? 100 like Bruno? 180 like I have over 10 years? 450 like Jenny has? Maybe a 1000??? ... He’s gotten 7. For a year’s work. 3 of them are from the same people and one of them is from me. And I pretty much tell him in it that I won’t be reading because I am not interested in rewrites, but new stories. Uh.   I’m sorry, what the hell? (￣﹏￣；) 5. Spin-offs, Fanfiction and ‘Originality’ in Saint Seiya It’s no secret around FF.net that Saint Seiya fics have been going through a review drought. I publish in AO3 as well and, frankly, I don’t see that much of a difference. In fact, I get a lot more hits per chapter in FF.net. So, the question is ‘why?’ Around a week ago or so, Melos asked in a Tumblr post (mentioning me in a flattering light, btw, thank you ^_^) how come fans don’t support more original stories. I’ve conversed with the fans in various spaces over a decade and I don’t think there’s one common answer to this question. I’m not the type that thinks my work (or even Melos, no offense, please keep reading) should be given more attention simply because it’s *original*, because let’s face it, nothing is really original. Especially in fanfiction. There’s nothing new under the sun. That’s just a fact. I don’t care how weird or quirky you think you are, you’ve been influenced by something other people are already aware of. I love @jennydevic ‘s Love You, Kill Me, I think it’s one of the most ‘original’ things ever done for Saint Seiya, but guess what? I can also see the influence of South Park and Batman Animated Series in it (especially after she told me she was influenced by these lol). Her Cepheus Albiore and her June are very much Bruce Wayne and Batgirl in their dynamic. The Andromeda Island gang are various Robins, at least as far as their relationship with Albiore goes. And it’s great. So, asking why fans don’t try more ‘original content’ just... doesn’t really mean much to our markets. I can’t blame casual fans for being skeptical to when I say they should read LR because “it’s different” or subversive, especially when a lot of inexperienced writers use this as a shield to their flaws. Besides, being original or subversive is subjective. I’m sure that to a lot of people, especially people of taste, LR is nothing new or ground-breaking. It’s just ambitious, at best, and not necessarily well guided. BUT... I do think there’s a lack of curiosity on the fan’s part hidden behind a veil of feigned-curiosity, and that fans that endlessly bitch about bad spin off and movies, but then would rather buy a ticket to them or spend some extra bucks on Saori’s beach-going attire on Saint Seiya Awakening (a game designed, by the way, to make it very clear to you that the franchise exists to rip you off) than search for things fans are making, are acting fundamentally hypocritical. And I’ve been seeing this happening for well over a decade, so imagine how resigned I must feel with it. “More than Gold” is an incredible story with a premise fans should love. It’s a freaking AU about Aiolos surviving in exchange for Kido leaving behind the Sagittarius Cloth in Greece and it delves into his emotions and survival guilt and having to live in a wheelchair and rebuild his life and relationships and fighting! If you’re a Saint Seiya fan of any kind, you should stop what you’re doing and go read it right the fuck now. What are you waiting for?! To get off work?!  Quit your stupid job! All you’re gonna do with that money is spend it on Awakening anyway ￣へ￣ So go read it! More than Gold Is also about Jenny gradually discovering her love for Yaoi writing, but let’s leave that aside. There’s enough homophobes in anime fandoms. But if “More than Gold” is so goddamn perfect, as I say, how come it’s not being read? Quoted even? Because ‘something original’ isn’t what fans want. Despite what they might say. I don’t know about you, but there’s just an ugliness in the soul to going on Reddit and Twitter all the time and complain Toei doesn’t give you what you want, and then refuse to lift a finger to seek out works like Melos’ “Saints of Athena” or Jenny’s “More than Gold”, which give you everything you SAY you want, and very passionately so, but off the hand of someone that doesn’t have paid composers, animators and marketeers to legitimise it. It screams ‘envy’, not adoration, because it proves all you really want is for Saint Seiya to be what it’s not; a Dragon Ball show, but you don’t want it to work anything about itself to achieve that. In fact, many of these people don’t even try spin offs that are too different. I will never forget whiny comments made on Saintia Sho online publications that “I’m not gonna read this, because it’s Saint Seiya without Seiya. How does that even work? （︶^︶）” which is especially shocking because Chimaki is easily the most passionate spin off author of them all, in my opinion. She’s also the only spin-off author who writes Deathmask correctly, yet got the most horrible adaptation ever done for an SS manga and has been treated with dismissiveness by the fans since. What they want is something old with a fresh paint, so it won’t look so old. They want the LA movie filled with Marvelisms or a remake of the anime in the style of Hunter x Hunter’s, so they can ‘enjoy’ their cartoon without the shame of being confronted with its obsoleteness. Something ‘ truly new’ is the last thing many Saint Seiya fans want, because it doesn’t respect their nerd religion. And I don’t think people like me, or Melos, or Jenny or anyone else who want to write new things in Saint Seiya should be hanging on the hopes that these people will one day recognise them, or recognise some other fan’s work when they themselves are just sitting around waiting for a new cartoon to drop. But what choice do we have? To go ask Naruto fans to read them? And this, of course, hurts creative writing people who are passionate about what they do, because it puts them in an ever shrinking box of rejection and apathy. Jenny has made clear in her “More than Gold” chapters, even though the fic had a premise any fan of SS would love, that part of the reason she winded down production was because the lack of reader feedback was driving down enthusiasm. In her final words to the last chapter of More than Gold, Jenny says “Part of the joy of writing fanfiction is for an audience, but if there is no audience, there isn’t any point.” How heartbreaking is that? －_－Don’t worry too much about Jenny, though, she is perfectly fine. The author of Love You, Kill Me, the best Saint Seiya fanfic ever made, has moved on to greener pastures and is having fun again, bless her heart. The heartbreaking part is that we, Saint Seiya fans, have allowed this to happen. So what does this mean about me? And my obsession with Saint Seiya? Or with fans that aren’t interested in reading what I write? If there is no place for originality in Saint Seiya, why do I even bother? Pah, cause it shouldn’t matter. ＼（〇_ｏ）／ Duh! 5. Spite, Anxiety, Passion and Obsession - Why, after ten years, do I still write for a junk show I don’t like with an audience that isn’t there? It would be easy for me, after everything that I’ve written so far, to say that Lance’s Role is an engine that moves on sheer spite. I’m sure part of the truth lies in this, but that’s just too self-flattering. It paints what I do as some kind of protest against fans I don’t personally like, that I take joy in not being read by them. That I am, in a way, superior to them. That would be the Spite. But the reality is, no. I’m no better than any of them. I make plenty of mistakes in my writing and my beta-readers aren’t afraid of whacking me with their newspaper roll over them. Some of the most exciting moments I’ve had writing this fic is getting the Betas back from Jenny or my friend Elly and they let me know they like what I’m doing with characters like Lance, or Olivia, or Dohko. I am overjoyed when Jenny says she really cheered for Lance in this last chapter I wrote, or when Zeb listens to my character rambling, or when Elly tells me “hey, this is actually pretty funny”. It’s a very “please praise me some more \(￣︶￣*\)) “ kind of moment that any creative person can relate to. I still very much care what people have to say about what I write. I’ve recently joined a real writer’s server (as in, you know, people who PUBLISH) and I’ve had moments of incredible self-consciousness about everything I do, from my excessive use of ellipsis to the many references to mixed mythology that Saint Seiya forces me to employ.  I’ve been embarassed to show them what I write, but it’s also been a very interesting experience because, for the first time, I’m around a group of people that admire writing in and of itself, and not just what panders to them. This means that, paradoxically, I am aware of my flaws, terrified of them and I crave the feeling of knowing I have defeated them. For now. I think that would be the Anxiety. I think that, in a lot of ways, people write these big fanfiction projects as an exercise of fan energy. We have these crazy thoughts in our head influenced by colors and music and animated movements and, like a composer, we want to put them into paper, even if it’s really bad and you can’t really put music, colors and motions into words so well. But we also want to celebrate with others that we can find that kind of joy in what we do. I can’t speak for other writers like Melos or Jenny, but to me LR has also been a vehicle to work out some very toxic emotions in myself. The 2010s were a very difficult period for me in a lot of ways and part of the reason why I’m still alive, not just in a physical way, is because of this fic. I’m a better person for having adopted this habit and I want to know that after I’ve gone through the valley of depression and self-doubt, I have something fun and engaging to give back. Something that excites others. That in turn, would be the Passion. What is the obsession, then? Why am I obsessed with Saint Seiya? ...Well,  I’m not. I told you from the beginning of this post; I hate this franchise. It’s fucking lame and has no soul anymore. It’s largely just a vehicle, a setting for the story I want to tell. You could say I am appropriating Saint Seiya for my story the same way Kurumada appropriated Greek myths when he can’t even point on the map where the fuck in Greece Sanctuary is supposed to be at. He doesn’t even like his own show that much and his understanding of what Cosmos is changes every 2 years or so. The proof of it  is that I don’t even know what to talk about in it anymore, and I’m one of the goddamn admins at the R/SS Discord server. Everytime I want to talk about Saint Seiya, I find myself steering instead towards the things *around* it, and noticing how similar they are to other cultures I have gripes with in real life, like culture wars, politics or just the conflict of attitudes between non-prospective people and prospective people. Even in LR, the things I write with are largely manufactured concepts of my own creation within Saint Seiya. Shamballa is not a real Saint Seiya place. The map of Death Queen Island I have made is 50% headcanon. Neither are real to Saint Seiya half the things that Dohko shows Lance in Rozan, or the Princes of Hades, or the False Holy War, or even Lance himself! So maybe the Obsession... is just writing! Fuck! Ugh, I’ve inherited all of my dad’s manias, and directed them at a cartoon! (=~= God help me! So that’s the lesson, kids. Write for the sake of writing. And if you get ignored, write some more, because if you really got the itch, that’s the only thing that will scratch it.

as far as i know bryan dmed some underage connor nsfw ccs on tiktok (you probably know the genre) asking them not to post explicit things about connor. not sure what the nature of these messages were but the kids posted publicly in a panic after talking about how they were doing bad things and how sorry they were

rather than address things such as this publicly he is known for dming fans (at least i've seen him do it on a handful of occasions and know ppl he has messaged) to ask them to be quiet about certain things and not engage with certain people in the fandom

so it's basically a power play bc he knows he holds this status with the cult following he has with his fans (many of them underage) and he will use it to his advantage like that to get them to do what he wants

i've actually never seen anyone else be critical of them so it is so relieving to see you and the other anon. i really wonder who this top donor is. they used to have another one, not sure if she is still in the streams since she quit the fandom but she probably donated tens of thousands of dollars to them. she was your typical white karen and had a total meltdown over "losing her power" in the fandom before quitting, but she was very beloved to them and would tell bryan/his mod team abt accounts she didn't like or felt threatened by, someone standing up to her was what caused her meltdown and subsequently quitting. not surprised if she is still donating to them or if history repeats itself and they gained another wealthy worshipper

i would go off anon but i am personally familiar with how these people are behind their wholesome unproblematic facade and worry for my safety, honestly it is so relieving just to talk about this since i have been carrying it for so long 😭 have been seeing them on my feed way too much recently with the baby, the way people go crazy for heterosexuality is insane. i feel so sorry for their child and wish they would just shut up, drop this whole connor thing and move on with their lives. but i guess bc of wealthy white women like the other anon said it must be lucrative. goes to funding their million dollar properties on occupied land i guess!

yeah, he could’ve gone about that situation in a way different matter. I get trying to settle something privately if it was personal but if it was about not posting explicit things of his character, especially from underaged fans (which I agree, they shouldn’t be doing that), he should’ve addressed it publicly and not per person. a whole lot of labor and for what…

oughhh I’ve heard abt that infamous discord and priv chats which is mind boggling bc imagine creating a cult like environment for toxic positivity. a whistleblower told me about how some fans discussed the transphobia and homophobia in their daily lives on the discord and they were told by mods to stop being so “negative” and got threatened with being banned if they ever brought those topics up again. bryan gets his mods or whatever to do his dirty work and boy do they take their role to a whole other level 😭 also i don’t remember who also told me this but when someone on stream tried to correct bryan, he got really defensive and just laughed the person off. really wish i could find the message again bc i know it was something trivial but it was like a genuine criticism. if I find it, ilyk.

also insanity…why give your money to people that absolutely do not need it loll. this is from the same whistleblower and it broke my heart. the way bryan dechart encouraged this behavior is sickening.

awwweee im glad I could be a breathe of fresh air for youuuuu. absolutely vile that the repercussions of speaking out against the decharts could possibly mean a pack of wild dogs being sent to your location. what kind of community is that?! you can unload anytime, amigo, you’re safe here 🫶🏽 I applaud your bravery!! it took a lot of courage to even speak up about these concerns.

influencers who exploit their children are the scum of the earth and I hope these two don’t go down the route of using their own child for content 😐 if there is a baby cam on their stream, we are so cooked as a society I’m not even fucking kidding. every child should be shielded from the millions of eyes of the internet. we don’t need to see that! that’s between you and your partner (if there is one) and this goes for everyone tbh. like please protect your children from prying eyes…

anyways

kinda vent post??? ig. whatever, here be dragons under the cut

right so like i'm having emotions and i'm hating it overall

about six months ago a friend of mine got into a game. at the time i was very happy for them because it quickly became their special interest and they were super excited about it. then they got someone else into it and i was still very happy for the two of them. like yay! my friends got into something, good for them <3

after about 2-3 months of them basically playing this game nonstop and only really posting/talking about it my tune kind of changed. like i was still happy for them, but sitting in a call with them while they talked became really draining because like, i wasn't doing anything. i was just sitting there listening to something i didn't particularly care about. so i stopped hanging out with them as much. if i saw the game being streamed i didn't join call and i made it very clear to the both of them that it wasn't their fault, the game was just an ick for me but i was still happy that they were having fun with it.

this was in december and i stuck to my boundary of generally not interacting with these people if they were talking about the game or streaming it. and even then i sometimes broke that rule of it was late and i really wanted to hang out with people. i went from joining calls roughly 6-7 days out of the week to maybe only joining 3-4 days. not a significant change

then, roughly about a month ago, the person who originally got into the game stopped interacting with me almost completely. they wouldn't respond to most of my messages and on a few occasions my reacts on discord would straight up get deleted. i, being relatively ignorant in the methods of discord assumed that this was because discord is a little shit who glitches sometimes and didn't suspect anything was wrong. hell i even made a joke about it happening because i thought i was kinda funny

but i started to become anxious when my messages would get overlooked and they stopped talking to me as much. anxious to the point that for roughly 2 weeks straight i isolated myself because i was terrified that my friend hated me for not wanting to interact with one of their interests. i distinctly recall mentioning to them in january that i was sorry if my negativity regarding the game (which was mostly me just saying i didn't like the models and it wasn't for me) had hurt their feelings and they acknowledged and told me that they appreciated my apology.

fast forward to the end of march and i attempted to contact them via discord dms to figure out what was going on. and guess what, discord told me that i couldn't dm them. again i assumed that i had forgotten to friend them and they weren't accepting dms from anyone who wasn't a friend. i nervously asked them if they could friend request me because i wanted to send them something and they did. i did not send them my original message because they were having a good time and i really didn't want to ruin it by causing conflict.

then a week later i noticed that my reacts were getting deleted again and someone else reached out and told me that it was likely because the person had blocked me. needless to say i was confused because i've never blocked anyone on discord and i didn't know how it worked.

when i asked them about it on the server we're in together they didn't respond. they ignored my messages to the point that someone else literally asked if they could see my messages (and if you know what blocking someone on discord does, then yeah, you'd know they were ignoring my messages on purpose)

later that evening they dmed me and went on a very long tangent about how i had completely isolated myself from them and how my disliking of the game to the point of ignoring them was petty, childish, and generally very rude.

i responded with the fact that i had made it clear why i wasn't interacting and that i never meant to cause them harm. they said some rather rude things to me after that which i won't recount because they themself stated that they went too far in that encounter and we both agreed to talk a few days later when we had both cooled down

cut to roughly 2 days later and i had talked some stuff out with two other people. i had written up a 2 thousand word long google doc that contained my thoughts and feelings on the matter and i sent it to them.

they were on vacation by this point so i made it clear to them that they could take as much time as they needed to respond to my words. it's now been nearly 2 weeks as of writing this post and they chose to block me again.

i'm not even angry at this point. i'm just sad and disappointed that they didn't reach out to me sooner with their problems regarding my interactions with the game and their playing of it. like beyond discord we're also mutuals on the tumblr and they literally have my phone number in case of emergencies.

i find a bit of irony in the fact that they chose to call me petty and childish for setting a boundary regarding the game and how i didn't want to interact with it and yet decided to not speak to me about their feelings and chose to block, ignore, and then belittle me for having the audacity to not want to hear about the game or disliking it despite never having played it

like yeah sure is it a like irrational that i don't want to interact with the game to the point of feeling sick whenever i see it. maybe? but also i think it's even more irrational to call someone a bully for not wanting to like something you enjoy

and this isn't even the first time they've taken shit so personally. there have been several points in our friendship where i've expressed disliking of a lot of their interests, not bashing on them, just saying that they aren't beacons of virtue, and they've reached out about feeling bad when i say that stuff

and so i listened to them. i stopped talking about their interests because i know the feeling of having someone talk about something you enjoy in a negative way. it fucking sucks

the petty part of me does want to @ them in this post. just so they can see my experience but i don't want to start more trouble and honestly it's not even worth it at this point. they've had time to respond to me, they've had time to contact me about our friendship. and they've chosen not to.

i don't even feel angry anymore because what's the point? why should i waste my energy on someone who takes things i say so personally. i made it clear on so many occasions that they were not the problem, that it was the game that was making me uncomfortable and that it was nothing against them.

and they chose to block me over it. because god forbid one of your friends dislikes something you enjoy. god forbid someone not want to interact with a game or conversations and topics surrounding it. god forbid someone takes steps to not interact with the game and god forbid i make it clear that it's nothing again them in the slightest

and i wish so dearly that my brain would stop focusing on it. i shouldn't have to be terrified about making them even more upset when they haven't responded or talked to me in an emotionally mature way in nearly 2 weeks. it's not my fucking problem anymore. the ball is in their court and i just have to wait until they respond

it hurts every single time i see their messages on discord and when i go to react it gets deleted. reacts are probably my favourite way of messaging. just a simple heart or exclamation point tells me that someone saw my post. and i can't even react now so why even bother interacting at all. they have the power to just ignore me if they want to and i don't want to stoop to their level of petty immaturity by blocking them back (and also i get the feeling that me blocking them would only piss them off more because when they set a boundary it's okay but when i do the same thing it's somehow bad.)

they've had negative experiences with people bashing on their interests in the past but like at this point that's a shitty excuse for their behaviour. your trauma isn't a fucking tool to swing around as a shield for your shitty behaviour. guess what asshole, i have trauma too. i over explain and people please because i'm terrified of my friends leaving me behind and i'm not using it to call other people names or tell them their emotions are childish

i hope they have a fun time on their vacation, i genuinely do. but i also hope they don't expect me to bend over backwards and expose myself to something that makes me sick to my stomach just to please them. if their ego is so fragile that they can't handle me disliking their special interest, then that's on them. not me.

friends aren't echo chambers for your beliefs and if your friends get upset at you for not liking something they enjoy, that's their problem not yours.

i have been assured by several people that i'm allowed to be angry and that i'm not in the wrong within this situation. but it doesn't get rid of the emotions that come from knowing that someone i considered a dear and close friend preferred blocking me and cutting me out of their life for weeks instead of just talking to me about how my isolation from the game they were playing was hurting them

that in it of itself is something that makes me want to stop talking with them entirely. but i'm going to wait and see what they have to say in response to me. because i still do care about them.

Thank You for Your Support in 2023~!!

Another year has come to an end!! To everyone who has supported me in 2023, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart💜

Looooong letter under the cut!

In preparation for writing this, I looked back at the letters I wrote last year, both the one I wrote for myself and the one that I shared here. In a way there isn't too much that's changed. The negative points were almost astoundingly similar. At this point 2023 feels like a repeat of 2022, just in a slightly different font.

I was still able to achieve a few things however! Things like finally releasing shortform content, a slightly impromptu collab, releasing my first wallpaper, and making smaller improvements to the stream and community!! I've also been able to make a lot of great friends this year, and I hope to get to know them all more in the months to come💜

On a personal note, I finally took some time out from my irl responsibilities to recover from the burnout that had been bearing down on me for a long while. After a month's rest, I think I've realized this will be a longer journey than I thought. There are a lot of things I have yet to learn about taking care of myself and my mental health, and I intend to spend the next year really focusing on how to build better systems for the long-term.

Because of the above, there are many things I didn't get to do in 2023. I have a lot of ideas rattling around in my little brain!! (Sometimes to the point it's hard to sleep for thinking too much.) I'm excited to take those unfinished projects into 2024 and hope to make them a reality. Even if they end up being one off projects, I want to try new things in the coming year and share them with you all!

Maybe this isn't something to share on a post like this, but since writing my letter last year, I've been considering how long I'll be able to continue this for. Most likely, I'll graduate after my 5th year anniversary (September 2025). I think 5 years is a significant amount of time to put into something, and being the type of person that I am who wants to try different things, it will be time to move on to something else.

Of course, I'm not heavily enforcing this, life can be unpredictable and that day could come up sooner (or later even). But, for now this is my plan. I've debated voicing this out loud especially with how far away it is, but I realized I would feel bad if I had just been sitting on this information for 3 years and didn't tell anyone.

I want everyone to know that the reason I'm setting this timeline isn't because I'm not enjoying being a vtuber. I really do enjoy everything from chill streams, to random ppts, to just hanging out in discord. But I also know that the phrase "all good things come to an end" ultimately rings true, and I want that to happen on my own terms as much as possible. Anyway, that date is still a verrrrrry long way away!! And if I'm being honest, I want a lot of people to come celebrate (and cry) when I graduate, so until then I need to work very hard to reel in as many folks as possible hehe. If you're reading this right now, please help me make that happen, okay?!! Now I feel like I've gone told you all my secrets again. Thank you so so much for putting up with me over the past year and all the time before that as well!

Let's do our best together in 2024💜

Tali Life Update 05/12/2023

Alright, sorry I've been a bit inactive, much has happened. I did a bit of polling around on a few private discords this last week and a bit, and got some people to look at my previous streams to give me some unbiased feedback. What I was told kinda just ... made me a bit upset for the oddest reason. I kind of knew the answers that were coming because I can see the watch metrics on my streams/videos. I just hated hearing it because I put work in to make a gaming channel but that's evidently not where my talent for entertainment lies.

The upsetting consensus is that any time I stream or make videos, me playing videogames is the part people enjoy the least. I started the YouTube channel and Twitch streams (when I did them) to get through the videogames I have but haven't played through yet as a way to doccument my HRT progress on a weekly basis. It should have set in sooner, but I was being stubborn: the Tumblr blog (here) with my autism fueled rants, info dumps, etc is more popular than my YouTube channel. As in:

YouTube:

Tumblr:

And my YouTube metrics mirror this with the most activity on any stream being when my face is front-and-center and without the Avatar. People don't come to my channel to watch me play videogames, they come to see me talk, rant, and share my opinions. I'm better at entertaining an audience by direct communication than I am through the co-experience of other media. In fact, I seem to have a degree of excellence at it.

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE talking about the topics I do rant on. I enjoy spreading positivity and encouraging the acceptance of trans people. I love sharing what I've found and learned, and what I know. It's just frustrating that my other passion, that is gaming, is something I've tried hard at making entertaining but is so effortlessly beat out by the other passion I put no struggle into at all.

Part of what I want to do is make a safe communal space for trans people of all expressions, allies, and fellow queers of all identifications. I know there are many out there, but I want to add to that. That means consistent content creation. That means making enjoyable content. And if my playing through games isn't entertaining to the majority of viewers then I need to make more entertaining content to achieve that overarching goal of another safe space online.

I'd like to foster the same supportive community I've managed to create here on Tumblr over on YouTube. I've decided to bring my more popular content and the style of rants I know people on here enjoy from me to YouTube to do just that. That doesn't mean less action here, that just means my intent to schedule streams for Sunday might become a lot more relaxed and less game heavy. I've been working on one such video but I figured that rather than just change up the channel without notice I'd say something here because it's very possible the YouTube side of the whole "Tali Sidekick" name may get closer to the Tumblr side. In fact, I'm planning for that. So at least there will ve a bit of history to explain that.

Additionally, aside from all this, as you all know I've been accepting donations for my official name change through Ko-fi. I'd like to thank the 4 donors so far:

Wanpasu,

Em,

mihyo,

and Rhedyn.

Your combined efforts have raised enough to get the $50 CAD I need to get the photo copies of my identity doccuments (drivers license) notarized. This gets the ball rolling on the process, there's a $127~ filing fee and an $80 RCMP fingerprinting fee that I hopefully should just barely be able to cover. Getting reprints on my Birth Certificate, Marriage License, and my Drivers License updated will just be somethkng for down the road unless I'm lucky. So thank you so much for your support so far. And thank you to everyone who reblogged the donation post so far, and thank you to anyone who does. I'll update the goal once I submit the forms which hopefully should be tomorrow.

Thank you for reading all of this, and I hope you have a good day. Stay safe out there, I know for some of you the holidays are rough times, so here's me wishing you get all the small joys you need to get through it.

hi im asking u this bc u seem to be bee duo enthusiast so

ive been calling c! beeduos relationship platonic because i thought that was what their cc’s said, and i thought they had said that they were uncomfortable with ppl shipping the characters. But ive seen a lot of posts that say their relationship is canonically romantic? and i absolutely do not want to come across as homophobic by watering down a mlm relationship to just friends because that happens so much in media so.

what is the canon state of their relationship / ur opinions on the platonic thibg

dont worry abt answering if u dont want to!! i see a lot of differing opinions and i trust yours :)

aw it’s totally fine, im flattered you asked me about this!

let me put it simply: it’s a whole mess, lol.

first im going to talk about what’s happened fandom-wide that caused differing opinions, and then i’ll explain my own opinion/interpretation. :]

(this got really fucking long im so sorry)

ranboo and tubbo initially proclaimed the relationship was romantic, specifically in argument with the wiki editors who had set it as platonic by default. (you can see this in the vod where they decide they’re canonically married— it’s very funny. chat tells them the marriage is already on the wiki, they check, tubbo is jokingly offended that it says platonic and asks if he needs to up the romance).

tubbo also makes jokes about adultry, which sort of implies the relationship is not necessarily a platonic one.

(theres definetly more in that stream alone but it’s been a long time since i watched it so i don’t remember a lot of it.)

the wiki, because of this, suffers from going back and forth on platonic and romantic, seemingly unsure where the joke ends and the canon begins, or if its canonically a joke! a mess, as you can already tell.

this gets more complicated as the marriage bit goes on: outsiders, such as phil and scott, both at one point say “platonic marriage”, which then ranboo and tubbo agree with. however, when chat asks them if they’re platonic, they say the opposite. so there is a lot of confusion there.

there’s also the difficulty of being able to tell streamers and characters apart. ranboo and tubbo both don’t like being shipped irl, and that’s their boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. (they’re also minors, but tbh when they’re 18 in a year i will still be following their boundaries regardless of their legal age).

due to people not wanting to be accused of minor shipping, they started adding the platonic tone indicator to most of their drawings— basically a way of saying “no homo”. meanwhile, tubbo frequently on stream flirts with ranboo and makes quite a bit of nsfw comments towards him that are frankly hilarious.

this goes on for a while with nobody really sure what’s canon, but a lot of people assuming it’s probably platonic, until: the drama of the mods night. a few mods dmed all the wiki editors telling them ranboo wanted his canon character relationship officially set to platonic.

unfortunately for those mods; the very same day, a few hours later, ranboo on stream makes fun of puffy delivering him and tubbo “friendship flowers”. because, and i quote, “bruh. we’re literally married. this must be how the ancient greeks felt.”

in case you don’t know, the internet often jokes about how historians will call ancient greeks ‘very good friends’ when they are quite obviously gay. so in this context, ranboo is joking that people will call him and c!tubbo, who are married, “close friends”, when he doesn’t think they are.

basically, ranboo canonized romantic bee duo, the very same day the mods told everyone he’d wanted a platonic one.

chaos and drama immediately erupted everywhere. on tumblr, we were talking about how weird it was of his mods to do something like that without asking him first. we ALSO talked about how weird it was of them to assume that ranboo can’t make his own decisions, or assume teenagers cannot be in relationships without it being sexual. twitter did the same thing but in the opposite direction: called ranboo mods homophobic, or said they were mad ranboo felt pressured into making a romantic relationship canon ‘just so people could have mlm rep.’

i dont want to go into detail about the drama that happened that night because apparently official people follow me and i dont want to stir it up or have them come “clarify” things. im just saying what we talked about.

ranboo in typical ranboo fashion apologized quickly and seriously. he was deeply sorry for possibly offending anyone with how he’d portrayed his rp relationship with tubbo, and he also assured everyone the mod thing was just a miscommunication.

he said he would talk to tubbo and they’d decide once and for all whether it was platonic or romantic, and then announce so everyone would know.

it’s now been a few months and we've had no word from them on that development. we still have no clue.

-

now, here’s my opinion:

i want to take ranboos word for it that it was a miscommunication with his mods, but... we had it on good authority from people on the wiki team and people in the discord with the mods that (while it was happening) they were really going after the wiki admins, and also made some weird comments about it. that combined with the way ranboo seemingly had no clue (considering he canonized their romance that very same day).... it’s very. sus of the mods.

then there’s the canon we’ve got since then. although occasionally adults in the room have called it a “platonic marriage” and tubbo once (back when it first started) called it a “plankton tectonic” marriage, in roleplay it’s been... kind of not that. tubbo and ranboo make nsfw jokes about each other in character, and their characters also share a master bedroom and bed in the mansion. there's also the way c!tommy really thinks it’s a romance between them as well, and they agree with and play off that— for instance confirming that they “fell in love” when he asked, or ranboo confirming that they “make out on occasion”.

people will still put platonic on their art and posts, imo, because they’re worried about breaking ranboo and tubbo’s irl boundaries by looking like they ship them. or even just being accused of shipping real life minors. and that’s a valid fear to have.

the thing is though: c!bee duo are not cc!bee duo. they’re roleplay characters. cc!bee duo are not okay with being shipped, but they made their characters get canonically married, and call each other “husbands”. so it’s okay to write the word “husband” in your comic without adding “platonic” to it, i promise.

telling the ccs that their characters have to be platonic is... weird. it comes off as not only babying them, but also as saying teens can’t date without it being gross. which isn’t true.

(this is why seeing people overuse “platonic husband” so much bothers me. like, they ARE husbands. you can just say it. what are you trying to hide...?)

-

do i think they’re canonically romantic? ehh, its likely. it’s still okay to interpret them as platonic, because again, it’s hard to tell where jokes end and roleplay begins. like, maybe it’s jokes in the rp too, and c!bee duo are just friends. friends can and should be allowed to make jokes like that with each other! aro & ace marriages exist!

or, maybe it’s actually part of the rp, and they’re very much romantic. we don’t know!

some people say they could be a qpr (queerplatonic romance), which i could see. (a qpr is a relationship that fluctuates between, or can’t quite be sorted into, “romantic” and “platonic”. people in a qpr can do romantic things while having platonic feelings for each other). in my opinion this is a very valid interpretation as well!

-

CONCLUSION (sorry this got so long omfg):

are c!bee duo romantic?

its likely, but you can still interpret them however you like!

should i put /p on bee duo content?

ehhh? i find it annoying when it’s overused (as do others), but if you’re worried you can. its up to preference. putting it too much is weird though

should i put /p on things cc! bee duo do?

no. you’re not the one saying it so you can’t decide the tone tags for that. imagine you said something to your friend and a random stranger came up and was like “haha but that was /p right...?”

can i ship c!bee duo?

mmm. i’m not sure on this one. they are canonically married and very flirtatious, but the ccs don’t like being shipped and they’re close enough to being the ccs that actively shipping might be against boundaries.

can i treat c!bee duo as romantic?

yes. literally just don’t be weird about it. it’s not that hard! you can understand that two characters are husbands without making it weird

here’s the most important thing: boundaries. cc bee duo still haven’t told us what their preferences and canon is about this whole thing.

right now, i am assuming based on what they already show us they’re comfortable with, but! the second they give us any more info! all these opinions will change!

i am only going off what they do. i would never want to cross boundaries at all. i just wish they would make theirs a little more clear.

..... i hope that helped anon, i went way off the rails... i need to go to sleep.

Matching minecraft skins!

Request: okay okay, hear me out...asking the dream team (maybe extra smp members👀) for matching minecraft skins?? only if you have time!!

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Pairing: Dream, GeorgenotFound, Sapnap & BadBoyHalo x Reader (separate)

Summary: Asking the Dream Team if they want to wear matching skins :3

Author’s note: this made my heart meeelttt  (´^ ｀♡) thank u so much for requesting this! (i might make a part 2 this is so cute) - enjoy!

Author’s note pt.2: Sorry this took so long, school stuff came in the way :(

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Dream:

- You and Dream were in a discord call together playing games when the idea suddenly popped into your head

- “Clay, do you want to wear matching minecraft skins?”

- “OH MY GOD”

- He loved the idea

- Aggressively grabbed his phone and went to twitter

- “does anyone know a good minecraft skin artist? i need some help here” 

- After a few minutes he found one and commissioned them 2 matching skins

- The next day he woke up and he got a DM saying the skins were ready

- He hopped on his computer and sent your skin to you

- After both equipping the skin you two decided to join the SMP 

- “Hello everyone! Look! We match!”

- Tommy and Quackity started making fun of you immediately

- Bad and Tubbo found it very cute

- Overall, a very cute and wholesome stream (❁´◡`❁)

GeorgenotFound:

- You were just scrolling through your phone when you saw something absolutely adorable

- It was a fan who made matching minecraft skins for you and George

- You texted him and asked him if he wanted to wear them

- he responded quite fast

- He loved the idea

- You both equipped it and went into a server 

- He made screenshot and posted it to twitter

- It went completely viral

- Tommy, being the child he is, called it gross

- Tubbo replied agreeing with him and Will told them both to shut up

- Dream was very jealous and asked George if he wanted to match as well

- George just replied with “No”

- Sapnap wouldn’t let him forget it for weeks

- It’s now one of his most liked tweets ever

Sapnap:

- You were hanging out with Sapnap at home when you saw fanart of you and him with matching outfits

- You showed him and he started smiling

- “We look really good in those clothes together, babe”

- An idea sprung into your head

- “Wouldn’t it be fun to have matching minecraft skins?”

- He gave it a thought for a second and got very giggly

- “Oooh~ That would be so cute, let’s do that”

- After searching for a little bit you found a skin that perfectly matched each other

- Sapnap got giddy with excitement

- “C’mon we have to put them on!” He tugged at your am and sped to his computer

- You jumped on a different computer he had and both equipped the skins

- After fooling around in game you guys decided to call Karl and Quackity to see their reaction

- They both picked up and Sapnap told them what you two did

- Karl found it very cute and really wanted to see

- Quackity started fake crying and accusing him of cheating

- Real talk, they thought it was cute

BadBoyHalo:

- He loves it when people draw fanart of you and him together

- He stalks you two’s shipname hashtag 24/7

- So when you asked him if he wanted matching skins he was estatic

- He already knew what artists to go to and basically threw his money at them

- When the artists were done he called you and told you to check Discord

- He sent you the file and you both equipped your skins

- When he first saw you with the skin he melted

- “Muffin! You look so cute!!”

- He decided to ask some people for their thoughts 

- He asked Skeppy first

- Bad idea

- “How could you, Bad?!”

- “I’m in a relationship!”

- “I thought we had something!”

- Queue a lot of bickering from both of them

- He asked Dream and George what they thought

- They both thought it was very cute

- “Hey Dream, do you wanna do this together?”

- “Hell yeah”

- They both pulled up in matching skins they next day

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Thank you for reading! Make sure you take care for yourself and your friends/family if you haven’t already today ! (♡ ⸂ ◡ ⸂♡)

m.list

Bedwars God

Dream x Reader

Request - So this is a dream x reader in real life the reader is a Minecraft youtuber, so I want their personality based off of LDshadowlady, basically like a soft girl, very friendly that can build cute stuff but know hot to pvp etc etc. And dream is like the biggest simp every. Anyways hope you have a good day bai bai

Summary - You are a twitch streamer and Dream donates to you asking for a 1v1.

Word Count - 1.6k

A/N - I’m a little bit rusty with my writing skills but I hope that you guys enjoy this! Keep the requests coming in so I can keep working on my characterizations!

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When the Twitter notification had popped up, you honestly hadn’t been expecting it. You stared for a few moments at it before it fully registered. Dream, the Dream, had just followed you on Twitter, the manhunt, Dream smp, Dream. After a brief moment of intense freaking out, you decided to draft a tweet, and a  few failed attempts later you finally sent the tweet.

@yourtwitterhandle

Dream followed me so I’m basically in the big leagues now. I’ll remember all of you once I’m famous. 😎

You smiled a little and scrolled through the replies of your fans freaking out about this news. They honestly were almost as excited as you were about this new development.  

Dream had been a huge inspiration to you when you had started streaming only a few months ago. Seeing the success he was able to achieve just by having fun with his friends was enough to push you into finally pressing the start stream button on Twitch. Of course, it had been a rocky start but now you had gained a following and were averaging about 10,000 viewers per stream. Your streams consisted of anything from Bedwars to building on your Minecraft world that you started the day you started streaming.

After a bit more time of scrolling through the replies on your tweet, you decided to finally get up and start to set up your stream for the day. You sent a quick tweet about streaming in 20 minutes and started to get ready. You checked all of your devices to make sure that they were running properly before turning on the stream starting soon screen. The chat exploded to life when the stream went online. It was filled with hellos and disbelief about the Dream follow. You giggled a little as you read through the chat before unmuting your mic for a moment.

“Hey guys just finishing up setting some things and I will be on. I’m going to drop a poll in chat on what you guys wanna see today,” You said happily as you booted up Minecraft.

You muted the mic again and started the poll before turning back to opening up Minecraft. You glanced at the poll and saw that Bedwars was winning by quite a bit so you decided to just log into Hypixel now. Once you were in the Hypixel lobby and you had nicked yourself, you finally let the stream see your screen. You turned on the camera and unmuted your mic.

“Hello, guys! How are you guys doing today,” You paused for a few moments to let your eyes roam over the chat, “I’m doing good, thank you so much for asking!”

“Okay let me do the donos I missed when I was setting up…” You read out all the donos you had missed and the gifted subs as well thanking your viewers and finally, you joined the Bedwars lobby.

“Okay so I think we are going to start off with some Bedwars today and then we can decide what to do after. How long am I going to stream?” you read from the chat, “I’m not exactly sure yet at least an hour or so we’ll see how long I can go before I get tired.”

You started to play Bedwars and got a mixed bag of good clutches and the inevitable failing at speed bridging. The stream was going perfectly with your viewers interacting with you and you having fun as well. At least until the dono came in that made you walk off the bridge you were in the middle of constructing to Blue’s base.

The monotone voice readout, “Hey, love your content we should definitely 1v1 sometime.”

The dono wasn’t particularly unusual but the fact that it was $100 and from dreamwastaken was the part that made you fall off the bridge.

“DREAM! You didn’t have to donate that much,” You paused to collect yourself and reorientate in the Bedwars game. “I would love to 1v1 you some time, I mean I think I’m pretty good at pvp but I don’t think that I’m that good at pvp.”

The chat was going absolutely insane at the dono and they were also calling the both of you simps. Dream for even donating in the first place and you for falling off the bridge when he donated.

You laughed softly at the chat, “Chat shush I am not a simp, it just caught me off guard that’s all.”

The stream from there on out was relatively normal with a few more Bedwars victories in the bag. After almost two hours of streaming, you decided to wrap up the stream.

“Okay, guys I think I need to head out and get some work done. I love you guys all so much and thank you for being here today. And an extra thank you for anyone who donated, subbed, or gifted subs. Remember to follow my Twitter it's the exact same as my twitch name. I usually announce when I’m going to stream on there as well as any other updates. Thank you guys so much and I will see you next time,” You said with a huge smile covering your face as you ended the stream after sending all of your viewers over to Tubbo who had started streaming towards the end of your stream.

Once you turned everything off and pulled up the latest video you had been editing, the notification ding distracted you away from your computer. For the second time in the day, you stared in disbelief at a Twitter notification.

Dream - Hey, I would really like to 1v1 you some time. I have been watching your content for a while now and I am a huge fan of what you make. Let me know when you want to do the 1v1. We can do it for a stream or a video. It's you to you :)

You - It means so much to me that you have been liking my content, I am a huge fan of yours as well. I am honestly free pretty much whenever. I need to make a new video so if you want to record a couple of rounds of pvp and maybe some bedwars with me then I can upload it to my channel.

Dream - Yeah that sounds good, I am actually free right now if you wanna hop on Hypixel and record now?

You - Yeah that sounds good I just sent you a discord friend request.

Your hands were practically shaking as you booted Minecraft back up. Dream was going to make a video with you. You were going to play with Dream. Your anxiety was only heightened when Dream accepted your friend request and added you into a VC. You took a slow breath and clicked on the VC and joined.

“H-hello,” You stuttered out softly as you tried to calm your nerves.

“Hey! Sorry if this seems out of the blue I really have been a fan for a while and I thought a 1v1 challenge would be fun,” Dream said and you could practically hear the smile in his voice.

“It’s fine, I just didn’t expect it. Like I said, I’m a huge fan so I’m just a bit shocked,” You chuckled a little feeling your nerves relax, “I’m on Hypixel now if you wanna get on, I say we do some 1v1s first.”

“Sounds good, are you recording now?” Dream asked as you glanced down at your recording software.

“Yep, but don’t worry I’ll send you the video before I post it so you can make sure you don’t mind any clips that I add,” you said as his character in the game ran towards you.

“You ready?” Dream asked with a smirk in his voice.

“Don’t get cocky yet green man, you’re going down,” You quipped back.

You and Dream 1v1ed a total of 11 times with Dream winning 6 and you winning the other 5.

“I told you not to be too cocky,” you giggled as he yelled about how you had managed to beat him 5 whole times.

“No! I only challenged you because I thought I would destroy you,” He said jokingly with a loud laugh accompanying the statement.

You laughed as well before rolling your eyes, “I told you not to get too cocky Dream, now let’s play some bedwars because I am going to destroy you.”

Dream scoffed a little and joined the party you had created. The beginning had been a little awkward but now the two of you were slowly falling into a rhythm. You started to feel more and more comfortable with the man and the teasing had only been heightened. The taunts during the bedwars game had both of you in stitches with Dream’s iconic kettle laugh only making you laugh that much harder.

“Oh sorry did my beauty distract you?” You laughed as you watched Dream fall off of his bridge.

“Oh shut up,” Dream countered weakly which only served to make you laugh that much harder.

The two of you ended up playing 4 rounds of Bedwars with Dream winning only a single round. He had raged for a few minutes after you had finished up the final round.

“Sorry Dream but Bedwars is my territory. You should have known better than to play with me,” You said with a huge smile.

“Oh come on, you were definitely using hacks. That was like a 1 in 7.5 trillion chance,” Dream said which sent you and consequently him into a fit of laughter.

“You’re so stupid,” You said with a smile before turning off the recording software. “Thank you for playing with me today, it’s always good to help people practice their bedwars skills.”

“You’re so annoying,” Dream whined before chuckling softly. “But yeah I had a really good time today, we definitely need to do this again.”