Since it's the second day of October, here is a friendly reminder that Jeje doesn't even think Mikuni needs redemption.

He really had a flashback of Mikuni's rude ahh telling him that the name his mother gave to him was probably one that didn't suit the monster that he was, but instead of being offended he thought to himself "yeah, that nobleness must be protected at all costs" ... yeeaahh

Which means the hopes of a "talk it out" arc where Jeje is the one to talk some sense into Mikuni out of all people should be out of the window by now. I'm sorry guys.

Hi✨. How are you?. Hope You re feeling great today, love u so much 🙂💐. It's me again jeje. Just LOVE your writing SO MUCH.

Am thinking of a one shot, male reader x Bucky Barnes or Steve Rogers, R is a shape shifter, but something happends fighting with Hydra, they experiment on him a few days and when the Avengers rescue him, change of shape because of a strong sound because he is scare.

He ends up changing to a puppy, being scare of everything and everyone talking to him and trying to touch him.

So Bucky or Steve take care of him for a few days until he changes again to a human.

Love u 💞

Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x Shapeshifter male reader

Headcanons

What about both? ;)

Im doing great, thanks for asking. Hope you’re doing well too.

I tried to shake the shapeshifting abilities origin up a little, hope that’s alright ^^

Sorry for the super long intro, I just got way too carried away with this haha

-          You were one of the last members to join the avengers, it was first after the attack on New York by the chitauri that you responded to the request SHIELD had sent you.

-          You weren’t fully human, the child of a Skrull and a human. Normally Skrull could only shapeshift into other humanoid like creatures, but because of your mixed blood you could transform into animals and alike. Your normal form also looked mostly human, except for slightly sharper ears, slimmer pupils, and sharper canines along with the teeth around them being sharper. You hid these features using your powers.

  -          You were raised on earth by your parents, your Skrull parent taking the form of a human. You had known Nick Fury your entire life because of his connection to the Skrull, and him wanting to keep in contact incase you or your family ever were put in danger.

-          As time passed you mastered your abilities, you realized that a normal life just wasn’t for you. So, you started to do missions for Nick and taking a vigilante like position before that was a common thing to do. You worked in the shadows most of the time, and after getting hurt a few too many times Nick demanded you be trained, which is how you met Natasha and Clint.

-          The three of you would fight together at times, and they were both shocked when you used your abilities around them for the first time as they assumed you were a normal human like them. You didn’t tell them you were part alien, so they just assumed you were a meta.

  -          You ended up joining the avengers, and in the beginning the others were cautious about you, all except for Natasha, Clint and interestingly enough, Thor. You had an inkling that he somehow knew of you being part Skrull, as he referred to you as his fellow brother from space.

-          But as time passed and you all went on missions together and lived together you became closer. Through this you got to know Steve more, and as time went on the feelings of friendship became something more.

-          You didn’t confess to him because you couldn’t imagine him wanting to be with someone like you, and you didn’t want to ruin your friendship.

-          Though you would turn into a large dog at times so Steve would cuddle you. Natasha and Clint could see right through you and the archer would tease you about it. This resulted in you transforming into a tiger and chasing him around the tower.

  -          When Bucky came along, he came to the tower instead of hiding away, which made it, so the civil war didn’t happen at all.

-          Bucky was very uncomfortable around people and twitchy as he still had the trigger words inside his head. He was only comfortable with Steve.

-          After a mission, Bucky was extremely tense and looked like he was gonna have a panic attack, so you transformed into a cat and curled up beside him. He ended up petting you with his nonmetal hand and it helped him calm down.

-          This became a ritual that after missions and alike, you would go to Steve and Bucky’s shared floor and cuddle with Bucky and sometimes Steve in the form of an animal.

-          When the trigger words were removed, the three of you kept this up even though you didn’t need too.

-          Before you knew it you fell in love with Bucky as well, which made you turn into a snake and curl up in the bottom of your closet. You wouldn’t confess because Bucky was way out of your league you told yourself.

-          Little did you know the two super soldiers felt the same way about you, and when they realized they both liked you they decided to confess to you together, and you could decide if you only liked one of them, both, or neither of the and they would respect that.

  -          The day they were planning on confessing you were kidnapped by Hydra. They too thought you were a meta and wanted to harvest your DNA or turn you into a weapon they could use.

-          This resulted in you being tortured and experimented on for days or weeks as the avengers and SHIELD try to find you with everything they can.

-          When they finally find you, its Steve and Bucky that find you first. You’re strapped to a table in nothing but pants with all kinds of new scars and cuts and bruises.

-          When they come close you whimper like a scared animal but don’t transform as you can’t when your strapped down. They move slowly and quietly reassure you that your safe.

-          When you’re free they sit you up and are about you patch up your worst cuts and bruises when gunshots are heard. You yelp and transform, not even focusing on what form your taking.

-          You end up transforming into a puppy and curl up in a ball with your face under your paws, shaking all over.

  -          The super soldiers bring you back to the helicarrier and you are treated to the best of their ability, as you make loud painful and scared noises when anyone but them try touching you.

-          They try to ask you to transform back, but you just whimper and cover your face with your paws, hiding away into Steve’s chest whose holding you.

-          When they get back to the tower the avengers try and figure out what to do. That’s when Fury arrives and tells them to give you time because its normal for your species to take the form, they’re most comfortable with.

-          That’s when it comes out you’re part alien, but at this point all the avengers don’t care much and don’t see you any differently. It’s agreed that Bucky and Steve will take care of you as you’re only calm with them

  -          And so, the two super soldiers take care of you. It results in a lot of cuddling and kisses on your furry forehead.

-          You take a lot of naps on their chests or laps, just sleeping off the pain medication and stress. They made sure to take care of your cuts and bruises and change the bandages.

-          They also get you your favorite snacks as you can still eat human food in other forms.

-          At some point they have to wash you, so they do it by putting warm water in the sink and carefully cleaning your fur and paws, making sure to not get soap or water in your face or ears.

-          You end up spending nights in bed with them, and if it was any other time you’d be blushing and freaking out by seeing them both shirtless and being in bed with them, but you’re still exhausted and sleep on the pillows between them.

  -          One morning you wake up feeling way too hot and like your being squished between something. That’s when you wake up more and see Bucky’s face Infront of you and feel an arm around waist from behind.

-          That’s when you realize you have transformed back into a human. You try to wiggle out of Steve’s hold, feeling very embarrassed and like you have ruined your relationship.

-          Steve and Bucky wake up, and Steve pulls you in close again, until your snug in his hold and he kisses the neck of your neck softly. You blush and swear you’re dreaming, especially when Bucky leans in to kiss you on the nose.

-          You start stuttering, the control you had to make yourself appear human all the time slipping away, revealing your ears, pupils, and teeth. Bucky just chuckles softly and kisses you on the lips carefully before telling you to go back to sleep and when your all fully rested, you’ll talk.

-          You’re still blushing when Bucky scoots in closer to you and wraps his arm around you as well, but as both soldiers fall asleep, even if you don’t mean too, you fall asleep too, still half convinced it’s a dream.

I should go sleep but there's apparently an itch only Servamp can scratch right now so I'll tend to that first, and y'all have to hear me ramble. Also, spoilers. And rambly, it's past midnight. I'd out a read more but, I'm on my phone, sorry.

I really, really wonder who put Kuro there in the alley. Is it someone we know? Someone we have yet to meet?

The most immediate guess would be Tsubaki, but I highly doubt that. He is trying to revive Sensei, yes, but I don't think he's been part of the whole plan; he seemed to devastated when Kuro killed Sensei, and in general, his whole demeanor doesn't scream "I am in on all of this" to me. He wants Sensei back, and also he's angry af that Sensei died in the first place. Additionally, if Tsubaki had known about Mahiru's planned involvement, he'd have informed Sakuya to stay away from Mahiru.

Like, Tsubaki's Whole Thing is Loyalty and Not Betraying His Subclass. Which explains his anger at Kuro (for betraying the Creator alongside just killing him), but more importantly, he would not have allowed Sakuya to get hurt like that. He would've made sure none of his Subclass befriend Mahiru.

So, Tsubakyun is out. So are Freya, Ildio, and Hyde, because they voted against killing Sensei, which would have foiled the whole plan. Lily is also out, or else he wouldn't have been Broken like this, because he would've worked with Tsubaki in general. Jeje... Is technically on Tsubaki's side right now, but he doesn't seem to enjoy it much, so I'm gonna go ahead an claim it's not him, either; he's just going along with Mikuni (who is out because he's less than 100 years old, and because I suspect he only chose to join Tsubaki later on, bc otherwise he wouldn't have made Jeje kill a Melancholy Subclass). Gear was waiting for Kuro, so he's out, too.

It could be someone new, but considering how close we are to the presumably final showdown against Tsubaki, it'd feel a little late to introduce someone that important completely new. Unless, I guess, the plot has Tsubaki succeed at least partially, so that Sensei is at least somewhat revived and he takes the Main Villain position, but even then... Eh.

Which leaves us two main options.

1) Hugh. He's the only Servamp with no clear "alibi", and a lot of his stuff was planned from the start, hence the lack of contract with Tetsu (which, Hugh, bro, you SENT THAT KID INTO BATTLE AS A NORMAL ASS HUMAN!). Plus, while the rest of the Yes-Group wasn't too thrilled about being a vampire (Jeje wanted Kuro to KILL him, Lily iirc also said he didn't ask to be saved in an earlier flashback, and Kuro grieved his village and had no control over his powers), Hugh seemed pretty chill about it. Though he really SHOULD have reason to have issues - Gear says things "stabilized around the third Servamp" (and Jeje clearly still has problems, even though I still think that Mikuni's mom was lying about being influenced by Jeje without even having a contract, his former Eves are a different matter), so considering Kuro and Jeje, Hugh should have Issues, too (maybe that's another reason to not form a real contract). So maybe Sensei offered Hugh a way to Solve those issues in exchange for Hugh playing along with the plan. The hands didn't look like Hugh's, but he has more than enough Subclass that could've put the kitty there.

b) A human family. Someone's ancestor could've made a deal with Sensei, kitty Kuro would've been passed down through the generations, until someone could place Kuro there. Probably someone from C3, that is a family business for most people anyway, and well, the organization founded by Sensei asking the Servamps to kill Sensei, would just make sense if other parts of the plan were also in their hands. Then the question is just which family. We can probably exclude the main-ish ones (Tsurugi's, Yumi's, Jun's, Shuuhei's). I don't remember much of C3, really gotta reread (and get my heart ripped out again...), but I'd also say Toma's family is not involved, there's enough going in without that, despite Toma's bonus plan.

But well, excluding some doesn't answer the question if who it could be. Sendagayas, maybe? Indirect ties to C3, and it'd explain why Hugh ended up there instead of anywhere else, but I honestly can't imagine Tetsu's parents to be involved there. I forgot how much we know about Izuna's family outside if her and Shuuhei being childhood friends, I think, so I guess they'd be an option - Not Izuna herself, of course, but maybe a parent or an older sibling. Would also help getting her and Freya back into the story, Tanaka Strike! (I miss my wolf lady)

Idk I'm just throwing thoughts at Tumblr to see if they're al dente, i have no idea which is more likely.

On Hugh's and Lawless's dynamic

(This probably doesn't make sense at all, just my thoughts and speculations. Lots of speculations. Also includes spoilers for chapter 113.)

So generally, Lawless and Hugh don't get along and their interactions obviously show that they don't exactly like each other, but tell me I'm not the only one who sort of wonders when this started?

Okay first off, I know there's the possibility that they just didn't like each other from the start, their personalities don't really go together (even though it's less obvious than with Jeje and Ildio), and maybe I'm just fooling myself because it's not as interesting, but I think something doesn't add up with this approach. I'll come back to that later.

During Lawless's flashback of the majority vote discussion, one might argue that Hugh was attacking him when he told him to keep his personal feelings out of it, since he knew about the whole Ophelia-thing and what it did to Lawless, (likely) better than the other Servamps did at that point, at least. (On the other hand he is correct of course, and I'm not sure if he would have phrased it differently if they were friends.)

There is a similar thing from Lawless's side, specifically during this scene.

He obviously doesn't expect Hugh to take him seriously. (Which could, of course, very well be explained by his character, since he mentioned how he should feel happy for her, like, two lines before.) I still wonder how he would have reacted had it been another Servamp, but since Hugh obviously knew about what happened (and had known about it before already), something about the "he would have reacted like this with anyone, whether he liked them or not"-approach feels off to me, especially considering Hugh's character.

The "this is why I told you not to fall in love" line is interesting though, because it means that they didn't just have that conversation, but it was A) a rather serious and deep one (even if it did happen to be short) and B) likely happened quite a while after they became vampires. (Those are just speculations of course, but they don't seem unlikely to me.) And I know there is the (not too unlikely) possibility that it was an attack rather than genuine advice, but I feel like Hugh wouldn't have referenced it like this if it hadn't been at least a little serious. (We don't see his face unfortunately, so this is only speculation drawn from the other panels and the anime. But he does look serious and even a little sad to me in the next panel, or definitely not like he was going to make fun of Lawless for the whole thing. Anyway.) This is also the reason why I don't really think they didn't like each other from the start, because they obviously aren't keeping up appearances (as seen in their later interactions), so unless it was 100% nothing more than an attack (but then why mention it in the first place or not phrase it more aggressively) it does imply that they used to get along somehow.

Because that makes me wonder if Lawless ever tried reaching out to him after Kuro rejected him (lol). And if he did, what happened then. If they did cross paths once and immidiately decided "no I don't like him", or if something happened between them.

I mean, it does make perfect sense that their dislike for each other might have started after that whole incident, since Hugh obviously judged him for killing his Eves, and Lawless is emotional enough to blame him for not being here to protect Ophelia's kingdom and/or the creator's death (even if he happened to be unaware of it). But I still really wonder what their dynamic was like before.

Hand Headcanons

Yes, you read that right, this is a post just slightly less ridiculous than the one about sneezes sitting in my drafts. Under the cut because there's 800 words, all about HANDS. Feel free to reblog or reply and add on!

Mahiru Shirota: His hands are calloused from housework, tan and with freckles across the knuckles and backs. He keeps his nails filed short and is very diligent about keeping them clean of dirt because long ones are a bother, especially when cooking.

Kuro: Very, very pale, there's a noticeable scar on the webbing between forefinger and thumb on his left hand from an accident with a knife while he was human. Otherwise, they're totally unblemished, in contrast to his Eve's which have a lot of little scars from cooking accidents if you look close enough. He has a habit of biting his nails down the quick or clipping them far, far too short, so Mahiru starts clipping Kuro's nails for him. After centuries of looking ragged and unhealthy they finally... Look nice. Clean. Well cared for. Honestly he has that eboy look about him, so people expect him to paint his nails. He himself thinks he wouldn't mind it... So long as they're not plain black. Give him neons and holos and shimmers, any color, any shade, any finish. Except for matte or glossy black. He does not want to look at his hands and see Rose's.

Sakuya Watanuki: Despite playing acoustic guitar, his subclass healing factor prevents him from building any of the callouses associated with his hobby. Slightly longer nails than you’d expect from a guy, he’s trying to work up the courage to start painting them. Belkia has noticed him eyeing neon polishes in the drugstore makeup aisle while accompanying him and has started privately putting together a list of good brands because he knows from experience just how hard it is to find good neon polish that doesn’t dry to an unpleasant, plastic-y finish.

Misono Alicein: Small, soft, and beautiful, his are exactly the kind of hands you’d expect from a young master. When you hold them they feel very delicate and brittle, like he has bird bones beneath his skin instead of human ones. You didn’t hear it from me, but they look like they belong to a small child. The skin of his wrist is very thin as well, and you can see the veins easily. His nails are too brittle to grow very long without breaking, so he keeps them short to avoid painful hangnails.

Snow Lily: Just like his Eve, his hands are lovely to look at, and would make any artist happy to work with. Really, they look like they belong to a sculpture rather than a person. His nails are always painted with a basecoat and clear polish at the least, though he has a large collection of various colored polish and enjoys letting Misono spoil him by painting them himself. Of course, he spoils his Eve right back by allowing Misono to pick what colors he wears when he’s in the mood to wear some. The lotion he uses during winter to prevent the skin from cracking smells like vanilla and brown sugar.

Mikuni Alicein: People expect his hands to be "young master" hands, soft and pretty and the kind of smooth skin that indicate never having done a hard day's work in his life. Hands like Misono has. Instead they are more like Mahiru's, with callouses built up along his fingers and palms, still well cared for but it's incredibly clear that he isn't some pampered rich kid who never had to work for a thing. You don't work with rope, even a magic one, and come away with nothing to show for it. He’s proud of it, honestly. Proof of how far he’s come, and what all he’s accomplished outside of his father’s sphere of influence. He has poor circulation so they’re constantly ice cold.

Jeje: He’s got long, spidery fingers that are great for the tiny, delicate work of building ships in a bottle. They’re incredibly steady. He’d make for a good surgeon, and they definitely contribute to his skills as a marksman. His guns fuse with his fingers, similar to Kuro’s claws, and he finds the appearance grotesque so he hides them. Mikuni’s absolutely fascinated with the difference in size between his hand and Jeje’s. Sometimes if he gets annoyed with his Eve enough, he’ll just cover Mikuni’s whole face with his hand. Somehow he’s always shocked when this ends in Mikuni licking him.

Neugier Hatiwelt: The bones under his skin are very prominent, and the black of his nails is natural. If he doesn’t trim his nails every other day, they start growing out into claws, and even on inbetween days, he tends to file them. He only really started to care about their appearance after meeting Kuro, stopped while he was gone, and picked up the habit again once he met Youtarou for fear of accidentally harming his companion.

A very short one-shot for Jeje and Mikuni's birthdays

I know I'm late for Mikuni, please just consider the story is taking place on October 1st.

Mikuni wasn't fond of parties. Not anymore, at least. There used to be a time when the manor got pretty lively on this particular day. But now, even though he wasn't there to witness it, he could imagine it was but a plain and normal day at the Alicein mansion. Of course, he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy all the attention, the presents, the praises, and everything that came along with celebrating his birthday. It was just... something he could live without. Compared to the other, more considerable losses, this one was irrelevant. Laughable, even. And yet, it was at this very moment, that Mikuni felt the loneliest. It wasn't the celebration in itself he missed, but the people who were there to take part in it. People he loved and couldn't see anymore, people who had loved him in return and couldn't anymore. For quite various reasons, but the conclusion was the same. His deceased mother could never wish him happiness again, and neither would Misono nor his father.

Today could have been a delightful day, but all joy had died that night, as well. Celebrating had become meaningless, worse, it would be painful more than anything. From now on, Mikuni's birthday would be a regular day. That was what he wanted.

So why did his chest hurt so much? He had come to terms with his past decisions, since then. He'd known about the consequences. He preferred it being like this, a hundred times more than what could have been. But it still hurt. Maybe because this date was special, maybe because he only truly realized now all that he'd lost. Perhaps it was because he knew no one could make today the same as before, too. For all of those reasons, Mikuni felt empty like he hadn't felt in a while.

Then, he remembered a conversation he once had with Tsurugi. About being jealous of him. Obviously, the blond had denied it. What could he possibly envy about the raven? His situation was just as bad, if not worse than his. But as of now, it did feel like jealousy. Tsurugi may not have the best life here at C3, but he at least had Touma and a few friends to think about his birthday. Mikuni didn't even have that. It was such a pathetic thought, but it was true nonetheless. Tsurugi had something Mikuni didn't. And he sometimes hated him for it.

Jeje turned around upon hearing someone sneeze, and sighed when he saw it was only Tsurugi.

"Tissues... on the table...you should... dress warmer. Fall... is already here."

"Sure, thanks, Jeje-chan!" The man said, hopping on a chair. "This mission was so boring, I couldn't wait to come back. Where is Kuni?"

Jeje swayed from one foot to another, visibly uneasy.

"He is still... working. He said... he wanted calm and... silence."

Tsurugi downright pouted, a childish mannerism to express his disappointment. "Heeeeh, is he for real? Today is his birthday, though. Where is the fun in filling out paperwork?"

The vampire fumbled with his sleeves. "I don't think... he is... looking forward to his... birthday." He muttered, and Tsurugi noticed the hint of guilt in his voice.

"Well, for starters, did you wish him an happy birthday? That could help." He said, a brow raised.

"He... probably... doesn't want to hear it from me..."

The raven leaned forward, his elbows on the table and his chin resting on his hands. He looked irritated somehow and that sure was something new.

"Jeje-chan, that is, how should I put it? Yeah, you're being stupid."

The taller man was about to get irritated as well, but Tsurugi went on.

"Look, what I'm saying is, you can't know how he feels nor what he wants if you don't ask or try. Kuni-chan has no one besides you to remember - well, I happen to know because it's written on his registration - but anyway, of course it would make him happy to hear it. That's only natural. Even if he denies or try to hide it behind a facade, he has a heart. And he's too sensitive for his own liking."

Jeje bit on his lower lip, pondering on what the raven had just said. He knew his eve had been moody since this morning, just as he knew his family's absence, today of all days, was weighing on him. He just felt like it wasn't his part to play.

"Even so..." he began eventually, "I can't replace... his family. It will never... be the same, for him."

Tsurugi was quiet for a moment, as for once, he was thinking of the best way to say things. It was soon obvious what he should tell Jeje.

"Okay, you may be right. It will indeed never be the same. But it doesn't have to be such a bad thing. What I mean is, from now on, what you have to do is to make it as good as you can. And then, little by little, you will both get new habits and find a way of your own to celebrate it. Kuni-chan... he's stubborn, and I'm sure he can be resentful, but he has a sense of what's right and what's not. So it's unlikely that he hates you to begin with. Therefore, being wished a happy birthday, even if you're not best friends, would still make him a little joyful."

Silence followed his statement. Jeje couldn't argue against that, as his analysis of Mikuni was so sharp. He was admittedly impressed, since Tsurugi always acted like an idiot. He hadn't thought he could have such a good understanding of people. After being stared at insistently for a solid thirty seconds, Jeje resigned himself.

"Alright... I will... talk to him."

The raven smiled like a contented child, his arms proudly crossed on his chest.

"Good, good!"

The afternoon was near it's end when Mikuni got it over with, not that it mattered. All he wanted was for this day to finish quickly, so maybe the one after he would forget about it already. It was so frustrating. He knew there was nothing he could do to change anything now, but it was bugging him nonetheless. It was as though a little, pestering voice kept reminding him, 'hey, you're all alone for your birthday. You ruined everything, so this is entirely your fault, tough'. And at this point he was tempted to go to sleep if it meant it would shut up. It would most likely have to wait, if the knock on the door was anything to go by.

He'd be lying again if he said he wasn't a tad bit surprised to see Jeje.

" What? I said I needed calm, didn't I?"

While it was far from an engaging start, his tone wasn't as spiteful as he had meant it to be. He had mostly sounded tired.

"I know... but you've been here all afternoon and... I thought you should... take a break." Jeje mumbled, which made Mikuni look at him quizzically. He had never acted out of his own initiative before. Rather, he had never gone against his eve's indications.

"Oh." Mikuni said, "Well, there is no need anyway. I'm done."

"That's... good."

Well, now it was awkward. Mikuni wasn't too sure, be it because of the fatigue or the unrealistic side of the situation, but was Jeje acting shy?

"Yeah, I guess." He spoke, "If that was all-"

But, unexpectedly enough, Jeje wasn't done, and Mikuni stopped midway after hearing a distant voice.

"Ha..."

The blond eve frowned, Jeje was being so weird and he had no idea why. Plus, he wasn't in the mood and it was beginning to annoy him.

"What?" He asked, and this time the vampire straightened his posture a little more.

"... happy birthday."

Mikuni legit blinked, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. "Huh?" He genuinely thought he had misheard, that he was imagining things. But his servamp surprised him even more by repeating that sentence. Louder, and firmer.

"Happy birthday, Mikuni."

The eve closed his mouth, opened it again, and in the end closed it. His troath felt dry for some reason, and his chest stinged in a manner that was oddly familiar. It was a strange warmth that spread and that he used to identify as joy.

Jeje was standing here, perfectly still, apparently waiting for an answer of sort. The way his mouth formed a line indicated that he wasn't too sure of what to do next, and Mikuni himself would have liked a notice.

At last, the only logical thing he could do was to thank him, and even then, he had trouble to process it. The embarrassed mess who spoke was totally not him, either.

"Oh, yeah. Right. Thank you."

Jeje seemed to relax afterwards, but it was still strangely tense. Mostly because Mikuni had a hard time believing it had happened. The vampire tried to think of a normal thing to do in this situation, or remember something the Alicein used to do on their birthdays. But then he recalled that Tsurugi had adviced to do something new, and decided he should just ask his eve at this point.

"So... Is there something... you want to do? Or eat?"

Truthfully, Mikuni's face was priceless, and perhaps someday he could even laugh about it, but not now. Right now Jeje was relieved, above all things.

"Some good tea would be nice, I suppose." Mikuni said eventually. "Also, a midnight stroll in the park. And why not cake, but I'm not going to eat it by myself, so... "

It was Jeje's turn to be started, and despite not being fond of sweet things, he couldn't turn down the offer.

"I... see. Then... I'll... have some. If that's... okay."

And then, Mikuni smiled for the first time in months.

"That would be alright."

Jeje poured a second cup of Ceylan tea for his eve, while the latter cut the small cake they had just bought. Tsurugi's present had been to negotiate a night out of C3 base without surveillance, and it was admittedly the best. Mikuni had cringed upon having the raven pester him about his birthday, of course, but his soft expression later on had told Jeje that he was thankful. The servamp could feel himself smiling, ever so slightly, as he put the cup on the table, and he was glad for the way it had all played out in the end. Mikuni was indeed loving his birthday, in a way, despite everything, and it was all the vampire could ask for.

It was when they were coming back from their walk, couple hours later, that Mikuni asked him out of the blue.

"By the way, Jeje. When is your birthday?"

Then again, it startled him. For one thing, no one had asked him that in a long, very long time. And for another one, he had stopped caring since he had become an immortal monster and had incidentally forgotten about it.

"I... don't know." He replied simply.

Mikuni hummed, and when the clocks indicated one minute past midnight, arbitrarily declared,

"In that case, your birthday should be today".

There’s one particular aspect of Lust arc that I always wanted to talk about but never quite managed to put into a coherent text that doesn’t span over entirely too many pages. However, this absolutely amazing post by @yarrayora (which you should go look at regardless of your interest in the topic I’m about to discuss because it’s such a good read and includes a fantastic look at Mikuni and Jeje as well) spurred me to try again, so I hope I’ll manage to be somewhat more concise this time.

The way I understand it (and please correct me on this if I am wrong!) there’s the prevalent idea that when it comes to the abuse Mikado dishes out against his son, Lily is complacent and consistently chooses not to defy him despite being perfectly capable of doing so. By making this choice, he becomes guilty of perpetuating the unhealthy dynamic between the three of them and can, at least in part, be blamed for the problems Misono faces due to his father’s abuse. I absolutely understand where this notion is coming from, and I don’t necessarily think it is wrong, but I still would like to challenge it.

First of all, even though I tend to come off as pretending otherwise, I want to make it clear I am perfectly aware Lily is neither innocent nor perfect and that he did make grave mistakes he can and should be blamed for (as Yarra put it, “magically gaslighting” Misono by erasing his memory again and again). Denying that would mean denying a key aspect of Lily’s entire character, and I’m not about to ever do that. But this isn’t really about the concrete conflict of Lust arc but rather the household dynamics at a whole that presumably span over years in manga canon, and the part Lily plays in those - because as soon as you look beyond the secret both Lily and Mikado keep, you’ll find that their positions regarding Misono are entirely different ones.

To explain that, let’s take a look at the full scope of Mikado’s abuse: He is very authoritarian and makes decisions in Misono’s stead without considering his son’s stance on the matter. When challenged on these, he resorts to emotional manipulation (think “you’re my only family left”). He disregards things that Misono considers important to him, such as his resolve to play an active role in protecting what he loves. He does not take his son seriously and does not trust his abilities, never even bothering to finish a game of chess against him. He isolates Misono from his friends, going as far as claiming he never had friends in the first place.

And now let’s contrast Lily to that.

Lily, first of all, is not an authority figure to Misono. I’m aware that some see them as having a father-son relationship, but it is quite undeniable that Misono is the Eve, the master, the one to lead; and Lily the Servamp who may advise, may tease but ultimately follow his commands. A relationship like that would not work if Lily did not hold a deep sense of trust in Misono and his abilities, which Mikado lacks. And sure, Lily is protective, but I’d argue he is not overprotective - if he were, he would not follow along into battle as happily as he does, and if he thought it necessary to shield Misono all the time an attack like The Red Queen’s Scaffold would never work out.

In addition to this Lily not only welcomes the idea of Misono making friends, he actively pushes him to do so to a point where it becomes a pattern for him during the first three volumes especially. He is consistently encouraging and supportive in all of his Eve’s attempts to connect with Mahiru and Tetsu, be it about figuring out how to text them with Misono’s phone or suggesting he ask them to come by for a hospital visit. Even as Misono gets knocked out by Jeje Lily doesn’t take him home or to a hospital but keeps him around his friends, because he knows and openly states that it’s better to be surrounded by friends than alone.

Now, of course, all the differences in the world won’t be relevant as long as Lily still chooses to stand by and do nothing when Mikado goes around being Mikado again. So why is it that he is being so complacent? After all, Mikado is not Lily’s Eve. He holds no power over him.

Mikado does, however, hold power over Misono, and that’s the core of Lily’s problem.

Servamp portrays its abusive relationships with a bitter taste of realism, and part of a realistic abusive relationship is that it cannot just be disrupted all that easily, that speaking out against an abuser can do more harm than good in the end. Mikado, for all his faults, is still Misono’s father, and Misono loves him and has never gotten anything but love in return - stifling, suffocating love, but love nonetheless. Directly interfering with a relationship like that is dangerous beyond belief, and the backlash might just knock away anyone who tries.

Lily could try and talk to Misono, of course, and tell him “hey, what your father is doing is wrong”, but this will not only create opposing sides and urge Misono to choose between Lily and Mikado but also put Lily into the role of the accuser, which is significantly harder to handle than that of the accused. He would risk Misono’s decision not being made in his favour and ending up alienated - not to mention how cruel it would be to force this choice upon him in the first place.

Lily could also talk to, or call out Mikado, but again he has no guarantee Mikado will completely agree with him or even react particularly well. Mikado is not rational in his love for Misono, he has been shown to try and isolate his son from everything he perceives as “dangerous” (like his friends, for whom Misono is willing to fight). Though you are welcome to disagree because I struggle with being rational regarding Mikado, I personally do not put it past him to try and drive a wedge between Lily and Misono as well, which given everything we know about the bond of Servamp and Eve could have catastrophic consequences. The best thing Lily can do is to stay by Misono’s side, even if that means keeping his mouth closed and watching in silence lest he give Mikado reason to shut him out too.

So Lily ends up doing what Lily does best: Being cunning and sly and operating behind people’s backs.

Even as he stands by in silence in Mikado’s presence, saying that Lily does nothing at all to counter his abuse is simply wrong. Lily resists by building Misono up where Mikado tears him down, by letting him see the world beyond the garden, by giving him power and pride.

Mikado wants Misono to stay inside the mansion and be kept safe. Lily provides him with the strength and resources to exist within the real world. Mikado thinks Misono is weak and wants him to stay out of battles, even claiming that his father did not hand Lily down to him for fighting purposes. Lily seems to disagree with that verdict as he happily trains Misono in effectively wielding him and his lead and readily follows along into battle, unwavering in the faith he holds in his Eve. Mikado denies Misono’s friendships and isolates him from anyone outside the mansion. Lily fosters and encourages these bonds and constantly nudges Misono towards them.

There are things that Mikado and Lily can equally be blamed for. But Lily is not, and will never be guilty of or compliant in the abuse that Mikado subjects his son to. Lily did his best in a horrible situation - and even though he failed in the end, even though he allowed his fears and selfish desires to compromise what he had built Misono up to be, he was still the one to pave his way out of the garden, helped him build bridges beyond a system that he himself was tangled up in, bridges at the end of which friends were waiting with open arms.

Lily wasn’t able to break Misono free, he was never in a position to be that person for him. But Lily made sure that when the day came that Misono wanted to leave the garden behind, he’d have everything he needed to do so. Lily did not save Misono, not from Mikado’s abuse nor the confinement of the garden, but Lily gave him the tools he needed to save himself.

Hello! I have another question if thats alright :3 Do you have any headcanons for the servamps from when they were human?

Hello again! Yeah, that’s fine, you can send as many as you like (this goes for everyone) 😊 I’m sorry it took me so long to answer this ;-; Hope these are ok :)

Servamps when they were human

Kuro

Was known by everyone in the village he was from as Sensei’s son.

Often stopped by and helped the villagers with their everyday tasks if they needed it and received small gifts in return.

Sometimes took naps in the fields or by an old oak tree on a hill overlooking the village.

Had a fairly good relationship with Sensei but had always been uncertain about their research into immortality.

Hugh

Was part of a wealthy family as the only son.

Generally had everything he wanted given to him and people did as he asked.

His parents were usually busy so he didn’t get to spend much time with them but they did teach him the lesson of not taking things for granted once when he threw a tantrum.

Had always enjoyed reading picture books and imagining the different worlds the stories depicts, sometimes playing them out with his toys.

Jeje

Grew up in an orphanage, where he often helped out wherever he could and took care of the younger children.

Still preferred when it was quiet and didn’t express himself much but spoke in full sentences and was more willing to talk if the subject interested him or with a few of his peers.

Spent some time as a craftsman’s apprentice, learning a lot about hand-making products out of wood before joining the army during wartime.

Had strong ideals about what he believed was right and wrong and had disobeyed an order before because of it. However, after that had negative consequences on the people he wanted to help, he became more obedient to avoid something like that happening again.

Freya

Was raised in a fairly normal household where she often helped with daily tasks such as housework and gardening.

Had picked up some first aid skills from her parents as they worked in the medical profession.

Always loved spending time in nature and often stayed by the stream near where she lived to relax when she had time.

When wartime came, she volunteered to help the soldiers injured in battle as a doctor.

Hyde

Trained as a playwright but also possessed some talent as an actor, having spent some time travelling with a small group to perform.

Would sometimes spend long nights working on a script when he has inspiration and recited them to himself.

Loved entertaining others with his stories, especially children and those who would listen to him.

Used to strife for perfection when performing, both from himself and others. This caused some people to find him irritating though.

Ildio

Had been on his own for a long time.

Doesn’t have a lot of money but often tries to do odd jobs for people in order to survive.

Really liked animals and cared for them better than he did for himself. Also had a pet dog to keep him company.

Got along with the elderly the most as they respected him as a person and contributed a little to helping him get food. He still got into fights with people who jeered at his situation though.

Snow Lily

Was not as social as when he became a Servamp and preferred to be alone.

Didn’t like being at home and spent most of his time at the park or wandering around in the woodlands.

Had actually met Sensei and Jeje briefly before in the park during one of their gatherings though didn’t interact with them much.

Had some experience in serving families of a higher social status than him and picked up some skills in manners and etiquette from them.

Tsubaki

Was taken in by Sensei one rainy day as an abandoned child not long after the latter arrived in his village.

As he grew up, he was taught a lot of things ranging from simple skills like reading, writing and survival to stories of supernatural beings, soon becoming involved in Sensei’s research as well.

Often helped gather information or necessary items needed for the immortality research and would visit one of the shrines weekly to perform some experiments.

Spent his free time wandering around the village, showing an interest towards stores that sell fabrics and books.

Leader: Tsurugi

yes I am biased I love him a lot and he deserves a lot of love so he gets to be first Stars indicate a translator’s note related to that dialog

Tsurugi x4

Tsurugi:”Whoah! What’s up with this, I’m here four times?! W-Weird......”

With Mahiru

Tsurugi:”Hey, Mahiru-kun! We’re in a team together, let’s work hard~! Every time I protect you from an enemy’s attack will cost 10,000 Yen!”

Mahiru:”If we’re a team, please protect me for free!”

With Kuro

Tsurugi:”Ah, it’s Kuro-chan! I’m so glad we can fight together~ I’ll do it right this time! I’m not some brainwashed character anymore!”

Kuro:”Hahhhh~...... Annoying......”

With Misono

Tsurugi:”Hey, Kuni-chan’s little brother. Wow, you look so similar~ You’re the spitting image of Kuni-chan.”

Misono:”......Th-That’s the first time someone said something like that...... You’re not being serious, are you......?!” *

With Mikuni

Tsurugi:”Hello~ Kuni-chan! Did you come all the way back here to be in a team with me again? Guess it can’t be helped then~ I’ll make a team with you for 50,000 Yen!”

Mikuni:”Die.”

With Jeje

Tsurugi:”It’s Jeje-chan~! Do you want some tea? I want to have a livetalk with you until the morning again~”

Jeje:”..............................Livetalk......?” *

With Tsubaki

Tsurugi:”Hey hey, little fox! How are you~? Ah, I’m off today, so you don’t need to be careful~! Let’s get along~!”

With Higan

Tsurugi:” …………………………………………………….”

With Yumi

Tsurugi:”Yumi-chan! The time to use our best combo-technique has finally come!”

Yumi:”I’m tired of waiting, Tsurugi! Let’s go! ‘Final......’“

Tsurugi:”Huh? Wait, shouldn’t it start with ‘Extra’?”

Yumi:”Oi, do it like we discussed! First is ‘Dark Crystal’, right?”

With Jun

Tsurugi:”Jun-chan, could it be that you’ve recently......... Nope! Nothing!”

Jun:”I didn’t gain weight!!!”

With Toma

Tsurugi:”Tai-chan, do you want some sweets?”

Toma:”...... No.”

With Izuna

Tsurugi:”Hey, hey, there’s something I want you to make. I want to see a trap that can make a super tall person fall flat reeeeaaaally nicely, isn’t there something like that?!”

Izuna:”Oh~ ... If there’s a chance you’ll use it on the vice branch manager, maybe I’d rather decline, since I value my life~”

With Gil and Ray

Tsurugi:”Huh? Have I met you guys before?”

Gil:”Yeah, you have~~? Kamiya Tsurugi... 13 years old, was it?”

With Takuto

Tsurugi:”I get excited when I think Taku-chan is watching! I’ll try to show you something nice~!”

With Yoshimasa

Tsurugi:”...... Eh, Tsuyuki......san? ...... No, seems like I’m having a weird dream.”

C3 Trio Team (Tsurugi, Yumi, Jun)

Tsurugi:”No~w, everyone, step back, step back! You’re in the path of C3′s strongest trio~!”

Yumi:”It can’t be helped...... We’re gonna save the world again tonight.”

Jun:”The wind is howling......” *

----------------------------------------

TN: As for Misono, his words literally are along the lines of “You’re not talking properly”, but it also means serious, and unless Misono thinks Tsurugi is not using the correct politeness terms, “You’re bullshitting me right?!” felt like it made more sense.

As for Jeje... I’m not 100% sure what “livetalk” is either. It seems to be something like a livestream, though there’s an app by that name that is basically facetiming/videochatting... Jeje seems confused, too, though, perhaps wondering whether face-to-face talk isn’t technically always “livetalk”, and well, that’s what they’re doing right now.

For the trio talk, Jun literally says “The wind is crying”, which is a way of referring to very strong winds, though he could mean it more literally that the world is crying for help (since Yumi talks about saving the world). It’s also a song from the late 60s but I doubt that one has any significance here.

Aside from that, I find it interesting that Tsurugi reacts to Yoshimasa and Higan, but not Sham. Unless I’m missing something, Higan and Tsurugi met when Sham killed Yoshimasa and Higan wanted to kill Tsurugi. Like, it makes sense that he remembers the giant dude who planned to kill him, but one would think he’d also remember the dude who a) killed his teammate(?) and b) stopped said giant dude from killing him.

And yes, you do need both Gil and Ray for the dialog, though only Gil answers. They even get a combined pic!

Summary: Kuro and Mahiru celebrate their daughter’s birthday. (KuroMahi, Fem Mahiru)

“Happy birthday, Machi!” Tsurugi cheered as he entered the apartment. His call was quickly answered by Machi’s excited squeal and the little girl ran to her uncle. Mahiru followed her to greet Tsurugi in the doorway. He held a large present box and he placed it on the ground so he could hug his niece. “How is my favourite niece?”

“Machi is excited! Mama made a big cake! She said that we had to wait for everyone to come before we can eat. But, Machi’s hungry for cake! It has a bunch of shiny strawberries.” She made wide gestures as she described the cake. Yumikage and Jun entered the house with presents as well. Mahiru couldn’t contain her smile as she watched Machi interact with her uncles.

Machi noticed a fourth person enter the house but she didn’t recognize him. She pointed to him and declared, “Old Man smells like smoke! That’s bad for you!”

“Old man? Didn’t your mother teach you that it’s rude to call people by names like that? Well, it’s your birthday so you can be a little cheeky. Here.” Touma said and held out a bag of treats to Machi. She didn’t take the candy and looked to her mother instead.

“You can take it, Machi.” After her mother nodded to her, Machi accepted the bag and thanked him politely. Mahiru picked her up into her arms and carried her closer to Touma. “This man is your… His name is Touma. You met him when you were very young so you don’t remember him but you can trust him. Can you tell Papa that your uncles are here, Machi?”

“Okay!” The moment she placed her on the ground, Machi took Tsurugi’s hand and dragged her uncle to the party. “Machi will show you the giant cake!”

Mahiru stayed in the doorway so she could speak with Touma. She learned that he was her father when she was a teenager but it was still difficult to see him as a parent. They would only speak with each other a couple times during family events. Sometimes, she would question why her mother would be with a man like Touma. Was she born from love or simply a mistake to her parents?

“The Shirota family has strong genes, don’t they? Machi looks exactly like you and you’re a mirror image of your mother.” Touma commented. He reached into his pocket for a cigarette but he stopped himself when he heard Machi’s laughter in the distance. “There’s not a single resemblance of me in you. No one will think that I’m your father at a glance. I’m surprised that you invited me to your daughter’s birthday party.”

“I’m surprised that you came.” Mahiru retorted. He took out a wrapped box and she saw that Machi’s name was written on the tag. She had assumed that the bag of treats was his birthday gift and she wondered what he bought her since the box was rather light. Did Tsurugi tell him what to buy for Machi’s birthday?

“They’re shoes.” Touma told her. “I don’t know what a kid would want. When Tsurugi was young, I bought him a pair of shoes and he liked them. I thought I should get Machi the same thing. If they don’t fit her, the gift receipt is inside and you can exchange the shoes.”

“Shoes are simple and practical. Machi will like them. Thank you for coming. Machi said she wanted her grandfather to come.” Mahiru carried the present into the living room and placed it on the table with the other gifts. The table was overflowing with colourful boxes and the sight made her happy. She was glad that her daughter was so loved. As a mother, the only thing she wanted was for her daughter to be surrounded with happiness.

She recalled her own birthday when she was four years old. Her mother had died only a few months before that. While her uncle took time off to celebrate her birthday, a young Mahiru couldn’t help but feel lonely. She didn’t want her daughter to ever feel the same way. She invited as many people as she could to Machi’s birthday party.

A strong arm wrapped around her shoulder and she was pulled out of her thoughts. Kuro stood beside her and there was a hint of worry in his red eyes. He was able to read her expression and he knew that there was something on her mind. Without a word, he kissed her temple. They were able to understand each other without speaking.

“Next month is your birthday. I was talking with your uncle and he said that he’s already planning to take time off for your birthday party. Hyde and Licht said the same.” He told her and tenderly rubbed her arms. “I know you would want to be with everyone on your birthday. Can I take you on a private birthday dinner the day before your big party though?”

“I think that’s a great idea.” She nodded to him and a smile spread over her lips. Mahiru couldn’t begin to tell Kuro how much he had changed her life the day they met. He had filled her days with so much happiness and she gained more friends through their adventures. Now, they had their own family.

“Mama! Papa! Look at this trick that Auntie Mikuni taught me just now. I can make thunder!” Machi called their names as she ran to them. She held a balloon over her head and vigorously rubbed it against her hair. After a few minutes, she walked to JeJe standing nearby and touched his hand. He wasn’t facing her so he didn’t expect to feel static electricity shock his hand. He winced and pulled his hand away from her. She only smiled up at him innocently. “Thunder attack.”

Machi waved the balloon in front of her and explained. “Auntie Mikuni told me that the attack is more effective if the person doesn’t expect it. I should aim for Uncle JeJe since he’s easy to pick on.”

“You shouldn’t listen to everything your Auntie tells you, Machi. She likes to play pranks on people sometimes.” Mahiru smiled warily. She knelt in front of her daughter and smoothed her hand over her hair. The balloon had made her hair frizzy and disorganized. Once her hair was fixed, Mahiru kissed her forehead. “That was a cool attack though. Only use it on villains.”

“Okay.” She nodded. Then, she ran back to the party to show others her trick. Mahiru sat on the couch and watched her play with her cousins. “Lucy, let’s fight demons together with this new lightning attack. Auntie Mikuni taught me this attack and I will share it with everyone.”

“Can you blow me a green balloon?” Yuu asked and handed it to Tetsu. “Father’s strong lungs will make a balloon large enough to carry all of us into the sky.”

“Kids have wild imaginations, don’t they?” Toru laughed and sat next to Mahiru. Whenever he looked at Machi, he couldn’t help but remember when Mahiru was her age. He did his best to raise her with his busy job and he came to love her like his own daughter. “You liked to play ‘Superheroes’ too. I don’t know how I was able to keep up with you.”

“You’re talking as if you’re an old man, Uncle.” Kuro sat on Mahiru’s right and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Weren’t you the one who said that you’re a thunder god and you would watch over our family forever?”

“Uncle Toru is a thunder god?” Machi overheard their conversation and stared at her great uncle with awe. “When you attack the villain, you must go like this: Rawr-jin!”

The childish way she mispronounced ‘Raijin’ brought a tear to Toru’s eye. He hugged Mahiru and Machi close. “Mahiru, you’ve raised a wonderful daughter who knows the power of a great pun.”

“Thank you, Uncle Youtarou! This is fluffy just like a cat.” Machi thanked Youtarou as he wrapped the warm scarf around her neck. She played with the fluffy balls that were sewed onto the ends of the scarf. A box was placed next to her and it stood taller than her. “Is this really for me?”

“I have the best gift of the night.” Misono wore a proud grin after she saw Machi’s reaction to the gift. “The subclasses loved this toy when I gave it to them. You’ll have a lot of fun with it too.”

“It’s so tall that I can’t reach the bow on the top.” Machi stretched onto her toes but her fingers barely brushed against the top of the box. She was suddenly lifted into the air but she wasn’t scared. She immediately knew that her father had picked her up. “Thank you, Papa!”

“You should say thank you to Tetsu and Misono since they’re the one who gave you this present.” He told her but she was distracted with the wrapping paper. Kuro held her over the bow so she could tear off the wrapping. He could only imagine what the gift would be. While he was grateful that their friends were generous with gifts for Machi, he didn’t know where they would put the present.

“A cat sized house!” Machi gasped when she saw the glossy image printed onto the box. “It can fit me too. Can we open it and play house right away?”

“Okay.” Mahiru said even as Machi struggled to open the box and take out the playhouse. She helped her pull out the large pieces from the box. “It’ll take us some time to set this up for you. How about you choose everyone’s role while we do that?”

“I wanna be the daughter!” Machi decided quickly. She started to list roles for everyone in her game. She hugged Mahiru’s leg and grinned up at her. “Mama will be the mom. Papa is the dad. Uncle Tsurugi and Uncle Youtarou are my uncles in the game.”

Gear tapped Kuro’s shoulder and then whispered to him. “You have a simpleminded kid, don’t you?”

“Uncle Gear, you will be the family pet!” Machi declared and her innocent smile never faltered. Kuro didn’t try to hold back his laugh. She appeared confused by her father’s reaction so Gear knew that she didn’t hold any malice in her choice. Machi reasoned that they exchanged a joke that she didn’t hear and she laughed along with them.

Mahiru was exhausted by the end of the day. She was grateful that Licht and Hyde stayed to help clean the party before they returned to their hotel. The house was now quiet and she walked down the hall to the bedroom she shared with Kuro. The bathroom door was opened and she could see Kuro help Machi brush her teeth. “You ate a lot of sweets today so make sure to bush extra well, Machi.”

“Okay, all done, Papa.” She said after she spit out another mouthful of water. Machi didn’t climb off the step stool she used to reach the sink and held out her arms to him instead. Kuro knew that she was likely tired after the party and she wanted him to carry her. As he picked her up, he saw Mahiru’s smiling reflection in the mirror.

“I said I would put Machi to bed so you could go to sleep first. You stayed up late to work on the cake last night.” The birthday party was important to both of them and she spent the past week planning it. He walked to the doorway and kissed Mahiru softly. “You still push yourself too much. When you traded our vows, we promised to lean on each other.”

“I’m certain that promise was first made when I became your Eve.” They had kept that vow to each other since that day they met. She was tempted to ask him to carry her to bed but he was already holding Machi. Their daughter was already sleeping soundly against his shoulder and Mahiru hoped that she had fun at the party. “She called Touma an Old Man this morning.”

“Apparently, Gear is a pet to her because of his wolf form.” They both laughed softly. She opened the door to Machi’s room and they quietly placed her on the bed. Mahiru was careful to not wake her as she kissed her brown hair and pulled the blanket to her shoulder. As she stood, she noticed Kuro staring at her. “Machi speaks her mind the way you do.”

Kuro wrapped his arms around her and Mahiru thought he simply wanted to hug her. Instead, he lifted her off the bed and held her against his chest. He brought her out of the room to return to their own bed. He leaned his forehead against hers and said, “Your birthday is next month. Is there anything you want? I know you’re going to say that you already have everything you need but you can be selfish on your birthday.”

“Well, it has been a long time since I’ve seen you in a fancy suit.” Mahiru said and traced her finger over the collar of his shirt. “Formal clothes are ‘troublesome’ but you look great in them.”

Hello! 😃 it’s been a while jeje how are you? if you have the time can I please ask for prompts 2,14,23,24,30 she/her (u can choose her mutation if you’d like) with Warren🥺 a little angsty but with fluff at the end🥰 love your writing:) 😃

Youngblood [Blurb]

Note: Oh my I missed you so much! Well, ups and downs you now but we keep it going! I hope you’re doing good! Aaaah writing for Warren just ah 🥰 I hope you’ll like it, I probably got a little bit carried away haha ~ 💕

~~~

Darling just hold on, darling just hold on, darling just hold on. Your mind went back and forth as this sentence filled your brain and with your eyes closed you couldn't focus on anything else but this voice. Darling just hold on. This was the last sentence you heard before they took you away from him, from the boy that stayed with you when no one else would, and all the world became a darker place without these green eyes and beautiful smile. Sometimes, at night, you remembered it so vividly you had the impression to see it – but it was only some torch throwing its light at you in order to wake you up.

But today was the day, the day you were sold, again. Nobody could really handle a mind-master, the kind of master that could wipe out everyone's memories, but their. And that what hurt you the most, because you could erase the worst memory a person ever had, an evidence, a clue or something as futile as a person's existence, but you couldn't erase the moment you got teared away from your parents at a young age – just at the moment they had discovered your mother was one of the mutants, and great chances were that you were one too – or this fair-headed boy you still remembered, him and the nest they made him. Him and his mysterious mutation he refused to share, as much as you refused to share yours. But living with him was a little piece of heaven, a piece they took away too from your cold bloody hands. And today you had to face another change, another owner, another person wanting your powers for something greater, something you never wanted.

You didn't cry, you had no tears left. You had given too much ,they had taken too much from you, they wouldn't have your tears too. The small space you were granted during this journey was everything you had, the small blanket and the pullover that covered your upper body along with a pair of baggy jeans. You felt dirty, almost as usual. You felt anger too, not for the first time, but you had to be patient, to smile and to give them what they wanted. Someone said that where you were going was a freak circus, a place where all the mutants owned by this mysterious person were held together, almost fighting to death, without any chance of coming back. Good for you. Your powers didn't allow you to stop suffering? Fine, you would die from someone's hand, would do the trick. And then, the door of the cage was opened by a large figure, a phoenix you thought. But a black one, looking at you with his sharp eyes as you were curled up in the corner of the space you had for this – too – long journey. From where you were, you could see a smirk and hear a little puff as the man patted the walls of this space.

“Nice travel, isn’t it,” he asked with a sarcastic tone. He was mocking you, and you knew it.

“Everything is great, everything is fucking great,” you hissed and he laughed.

“Wow, the eraser's got a sharp mouth, they didn't tell me that when I accepted this job,” you frowned as he entered the space you were held captive. Advanced towards you and knelt, looking right into your eyes. He had green eyes and a black leather jacket on. “Now, you're going to get up and get your magic done, darling, because we're not playing here.” You opened your eyes widely for a mere moment.

“Man, I have other things to do right now, so can you like, hurry,” the man outside shouted and the winged man simply nodded.

“We're leaving,” he said an dragged you out of the box – now you could see it was a box.

And you saw the most magnificent thing in your life, his wings. The feathers looking softer than a hundred clouds, shining in this dark weather. Your eyes were tired, but everything you saw was worth it. Maybe it was the last piece of heaven you would get; so when he picked you up and began to fly – past the few moments of fear – you passed out in his arms.

You woke up. In a room. A nice room. A pretty place, with some food on the nightstand next to you. You were dead, right? You were absolutely dead, but dead didn't mean that you couldn't enjoy the food that was brought to you. And as you began to eat, you heard the door crack and looked up, almost like an animal, to see a dim lady standing in a red gown looking at you with glistening eyes, and a serious face. You stopped everything you were doing, and stared at her, hesitantly as she floated into the room.

“Who are you,” you dared to ask as she landed on the sheets of the bed you were sleeping in.

“But do you know who you are,” she asked you back with a faint smile that left you agape. “You don't, you only remember bits, and bits aren't enough, am I right?”

You remembered way more than bits, you remembered every suffering you endured and every memory you had erased. The screams, the cries, the fights and the deaths. The blood you saw on different hands, the guilt on some face.

“I remember more than bits,” you replied. “I know it all, but what do you want me to erase? I'll erase it for you, I'll do it.”

“Oh, I don't need you to erase memories, I need you to bring them back,” she specified.

“But I can't.”

“I know you will, someone's waiting for his memories to be back, and I believe that a mind-master can make her way through the maze of erased thoughts, am I right?”

“I can try,” you finally whispered, intimidated by her voice and aura, the carmine gown reminding you of everything. The blood, the pain. The whole.

“It is all I needed to know,” the lady said and got up with a warm smile. “Eat darling, then someone will come and take you to the bathroom and give you some fresh clothes.”

She left as soon as her last words were told, leaving you alone, here, by yourself thinking if this place was real. Where were the fights? Blood? Pain? Death? Nothing there was real.

You were sitting in the small room, by yourself for this very moment. You were waiting for the person wanting his – apparently it was a man – memories back. You knew you couldn't grant them, you couldn't promise him that all he had forgotten would be back, no matter how hard you tried because you knew destruction of the mind. Every piece of thought you could break it, disassemble it bits by bits until it became dust. You never bothered about the state you left theses memories in, neither how could someone do something out of these. But apparently, you had to do something with the broken bits of this man's past.

You closed your eyes for a moment, thinking about what was happening to you and how badly you wanted all of this to stop, even if it was the best you were treated for years. Someone opened the door, your eyes immediately landing on him. The blond man with gracious wings was standing in front of you, looking at you from above as you just wanted to roll your eyes. You remembered his harsh words and above all his sarcastic tone while he picked you up. And right behind him was the woman, with her hands over his shoulders, and as he stood she stroked his feathers from time to time, as if he was a pet of hers.

“See my little Angel, she'll bring your memories back, and you'll be able to know who you are my dear,” she whispered and you saw the man's jaw become tense. “Here's Warren,” she presented him to you, “he brought you here and now you owe him this little therapy my darling.”

“I'll do my best,” you replied and the woman let the said Warren come closer to you, dragging loudly a chair behind him as she watched him lustily come towards you, before closing the door as he looked back at her.

“She heard about your abilities, you're the only mind-master available, so you better do your job,” he sharply said as you looked right into his green eyes.

“I'm good at destroying memories, not patching them,” you said before asking for his hand by putting yours in front of him. It was your way of entering one's mind, ad you wished at this very moment that you would managed to do it in another way.

“Well, you're a little late and I'm already torn to pieces,darling, you'll have nothing to destroy in there,” he sarcastically replied as he put his hand in yours.

“Close your eyes,” you said without missing a beat and not paying attention to what he said, trying to focus as much as you could.

His mind was thick and made of an opaque material, all was dusty around. He wasn't lying: there was nothing to tear as everything seemed damaged and the only light you could actually find in this place was around the woman that decided to shelter you to help him. However, the light was red and the atmosphere screamed danger and everything linked to it. Whenever you tried to approach the small altar that was made of her, the only place that seemed to remain intact, you felt his hand squeeze yours a little more. You felt that it wasn't your place to be, and that you had to focus on everything behind her sanctuary, everything that concerned him before all of this had happened.

As you walked on broken glass, you saw mirrors reflecting bloody arenas, screaming people, chanting “Archangel! Archangel!” endlessly as an immense black shadow passed right in front of your eyes. It was him, Warren with a cocky smile on his face, a smile that was framing the cracked mirror. Pain. You couldn't touch it, as you knew the place was already broken, painful and the only thing you could do was erase all of this, but here, nothing was broken to the point of not being able to see it. You walked towards a dead end, or a “keep out” area, and behind the signs you saw dust, papers, and mirrors, each small piece carried a little flame in it, something that needed time to be put together again. A long work, a work you had to be ready to do.

Before you could cross the place, his hand left yours and he opened his eyes, drops of sweat on his face. You hit the right spot.

As days and weeks passed by, you discovered that she had other mutants too – you couldn't resist but look inside the altar in Warren's mind – all of them treated in different ways, but more like humans than in all the places all of them had been. Warren's mind had less and less secrets for you, and even though you had a rocky start, you began to understand him way better through his sad memories, and the pieces of the destroyed ones. What you figured out was that nobody had destroyed his memories, well, nobody but him. His own min, in order to protect itself destroyed what held him back once in order to survive in this world. You couldn't blame him, you only wished that your mind did it too.

In exchange of your incursions into his mind, Warren asked you to share your past with him – because if you had the privilege to see what was going on inside his head, he wanted to have the privilege to know what was going on inside of yours. So, without too many second-thoughts, you shared some things with him; and the more you dug into his memories, patching slowly what you found, the more you opened up. As if these memories were connected to you, as if a strange and unknown link was connecting both of you. And even if Mrs. Daniell disliked it – you learned the hard way how much she loved Warren, and how he was everything to her, and how much he hated it – you grew closer to him with every session. And by closer you meant spending time with him, sitting in the gardens pretending to be patching his memories whereas you were talking about he managed to remember and what you remembered in your own past. It was therapeutic, it made you feel like when you were little, with this green-eyed boy while you were held captive. It was everything you missed.

And one day, after a few months, after thinking that you found another soulmate, you found out that his whole mind has been cleaned out, all the memories rearranged, and the keep out signs almost gone. Everything was up to him now, him and his green eyes. When you told him the good news, he began to shake, as if the truth might hurt him worse than the absolute oblivion.

“I don't... I don't know how to make it stop,” he whispered and you never saw him look so fragile. You took his hand, rubbed your thumb against the back of his hand while holding it.

“I'm here if needed, I can erase anything you'd like Warren, and you know that.”

“I don't want to waste your work you... You made your mutation evolve, you don't know how important what you did is and I don't want to destroy it,” he whispered and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath then. “I think I'm ready for an introspection.”

He disappeared for a moment, his eyes peacefully closed as you held his hand, anxious. Whatever he was about to discover, you wished it wouldn't break him. You were ready to erase anything, the hard work you put into it, for his well being. Because he was important to you, just like the boy when you were younger, the one whose mutation was invisible to your eye at the time, the one you lost and you couldn't let that happen again.

He opened his eyes, let your hand go, gasped loudly, and immediately after tried to catch his breath. His eyes looked vividly green, and his feathers looked sharper than they did before. You felt everything, you felt the fear and exhaustion, you saw confusion and rage in his eyes. But the moment he looked at you, everything softened as if the world became a better place.

“It was you,” he said and caught your hand between his palms and looked at you as if you were the most important thing in his world.

“Me?”

“Darling just hold on,” he said with a smile and you understood. You saw your world grow lighter, and a smile appeared on your face.

“You were hiding... Wings,” you managed to say out of the happy confusion.

“And you your mind,” he replied and kissed the back of your hand. “I'm never letting her separate us, never again.”

“Her?”

“Mrs. Daniell. We're leaving tonight y/n, I don't fucking care, we won't stay here anymore. She won't take me away from you, not again.”

Your heart felt full, and your smile grew wider. Your two soulmates were one.

I ended up getting encouraged to talk about my aus so thank you all for enabling my self-indulgence

Swan Prince AU

This one’s the first one? And it’s more of a royalty AU, actually. Licht vacations in the Servamp kingdom every summer but one day he gets cursed by an evil magician (Touma) to turn into a swan. Hyde, who’s the same age as him and therefore his designated playmate when they were kids, recognizes it’s him and freaks out because if the Jekylland kingdom finds out they let this happen then there could be a war and no one wants that thank you very much.

I’m actually more interested in worldbuilding than the plot so :/ For reasons I have not thought up, there’s the ‘older bunch’ of Servamps (Kuro to Freya) and the ‘younger bunch’ (Hyde to Lily) and there’s like a ten-year age gap between the olders and the youngers, and then there’s Tsubaki, who’s twelve and illegitimate. Kuro inherited the throne at 17 when their dad disappeared and by the time Tsubaki’s mother showed up a couple years after with a baby that had the last king’s eyes, the kingdom had stagnated. However, a baker named Mahiru starts showing up at the castle to petition the king, and he appears so frequently and his words are so sensible (”He’s got to have studied statecraft,” Hugh declared. “There’s no way he hasn’t.”) that Kuro’s siblings up and offer him a job as the king’s advisor. After many arguments and finally a heart-to-heart where Mahiru learns that the last king once allowed Kuro to make a decision that almost led the whole country to war, they start to work towards understanding each other and cooperating and it’s tough, but by the time the present story rolls around the kingdom is flourishing. 

The older bunch all hold a place in court; Hugh is a minister of internal affairs, and he, Kuro, and Mahiru are at the heart of the kingdom’s laws; Jeje is the most knowledgeable about magic, especially curses, and works as both a consultant and investigator, though he’s sent to the Alicein kingdom along with Lily (16 at the time of the story, two years younger than Hyde) to serve as ambassadors and tutors to the king’s sons; and Freya’s the head of the army and the most terrifying person in the kingdom. The people love her. There’s a more even distribution of power than there was before Kuro inherited the throne - Mahiru’s influence and Kuro’s reluctance to be in charge of literally everything see to that - and provincial courts have juries put in place so that people are no longer solely at the mercy of sometimes corrupt judges.

On a different note, Hyde starts out as a sweet kid, but when his friend-and-maybe-crush Princess Ophelia two kingdoms over dies when he’s sixteen he goes wild in his grief and takes up with a group of bandits and starts hurting people. When confronted by his siblings, he declares that if the world is so cruel as to take Ophelia’s life, then his actions are just a drop in the bucket. Now, this is very much wrong and a problem, so Kuro manages to seal him temporarily into hedgehog form for a month (EDIT: yes he can normally transform into a hedgehog, no Licht doesn’t know at first, yes animal transformation is a common ability in their kingdom, and no the sealing is not a common or easy practice. It’s legitimate grounds for Kuro to self-prescribe absolute bed rest in order to recover from the drain on his energy, and he’s stronger than normal mages and had assistance to boot; a month is the very limit he can achieve with that) saying that if he’s lost his grasp on his humanity, then perhaps he’ll find it again in an inhuman form, and then they drop him off at the summer villa reserved for Prince Licht with Guildenstern as a caretaker. Now, unbeknownst to everyone, Licht arrived for vacation even though it’s midwinter, and he is absolutely taken with the hedgehog that’s wandering through the villa (”Oh Shit,” Guildenstern said. Hyde agreed. This was very much an Oh Shit situation.). It turns out that while he hadn’t known Princess Ophelia personally, he’d had mad respect for her for stepping up to enact a change in her kingdom’s politics even though it had ended in her assassination. He and Hyde end up having furious arguments over ideology (Licht still doesn’t know that Hyde’s there, and he doesn’t connect the voice with the hedgehog) and in the end, he helps Hyde regain his humanity - to be human is to desire, to desire is to dream, and to dream is to push your imagination past its very limits and work for it. That ends up breaking the seal prematurely, much to everyone but Licht’s relief. Licht’s pissed that the hedgehog turned out to be Hyde. And when Licht is cursed to be a swan, well, Hyde’s worried about it affecting relations with the Jekylland kingdom, yeah, but he also wants to do for Licht what Licht did for him: make him human again.

ANYWAY HERE’S THE DOODLES

Teacher AU

Because now they’re teachers.

This one has basically nothing in it yet aside from it being fun to consider what subjects they’d teach (Mahiru’s home ec; Kuro’s phys ed; Hugh’s history; Jeje’s art; Freya’s a counselor; Hyde’s literature; World End’s either a history or foreign language teacher; Lily’s a student teacher; Licht’s a piano instructor now; Otogiri’s the school’s doctor) and what everyone else would be (Tsurugi and squad are bodyguards; Iduna’s an engineer; Tsuyuki’s with the government; Sham’s with the government; Higan’s a wandering artist; Sakuya’s a psychologist; Ryuusei and Koyuki haven’t factored in at all oops; everyone else either has their canon profession or they’re college or high school students). One of the tidbits I actually spared thought to is that Kuro took a couple gap years and ended up in the same freshman Psych 101 class as Sakuya (who at present shares an apartment with Mahiru) and they somehow bonded and even after the class ended they became texting buddies (usually of memes) and hung out from time to time, but then Mahiru (after getting fired from his first school for some sort of reckless behavior) gets hired to the school all the Servamps are gathered at and starts out pretty argumentative with Kuro but eventually they gain a mutual understanding and maybe the beginnings of a relationship and Sakuya puts two and two together from conversations with Mahiru and texting with Kuro that the man he’s in love with might be in love with his texting buddy and he doesn’t know how to deal with that and so stops texting Kuro, and Kuro finds out about it from talking to Mahiru and then this happens

Kuro, throwing a chicken nugget at Sakuya’s window: why are u ghosting me Sakuya, opening the window: can u throw another

And they talk and all is well again. A poly ending is absolutely in the stars because Mahiru loves them both and they agree to it.

Also the other thing is this

Pokemon AU

This is the one I like the most right now! I actually have a couple of chapters written for it that I haven’t posted yet but basically the whole Servamp thing remains, but the pokemon that they transform into actually have their own personalities - rather than a transformation, it’s a shared body thing, and the human form is a manifestation of the vampire (formerly human) soul. I haven’t ironed out all the details of why this is happening, but I like the idea of them never being alone, though I haven’t figured out quite how this will change them. Hyde’s gonna be fun and also painful to figure out.

Fate AU

LET’S GET THIS HOLY GRAIL BREAD

Mahiru’s uncle was going to take part in the holy grail war but Mahiru accidentally summoned instead and what he summoned was Kuro, a Lancer. Add to that that Sakuya is still his best friend, was meant to be a pawn of Touma’s but ended up being Master-napped by the Saber he summoned (Tsubaki), and Tsubaki wants vengeance on Kuro, and we’ve got another round of heartbreaks on our hands because Fate is nothing but heartbreaks. The Alicein brothers are also there, summoning the same Servants (Caster and Archer) that their grandfather and Mikuni’s mom summoned, and they know that the Grail is tainted so they’re out to destroy it. Their backstory is a little tweaked with Mikuni just stealing his mom’s command seals to protect Misono instead of killing her, and he grabs Misono and absconds to the Church where they stay until Mikage ensures that Mikuni’s mom can never hurt Misono again after the War. Misono goes home, but Mikuni goes to study at the Clock Tower and comes back just in time for the next war. (There’s more under the pictures)

Tetsu summons Rider, but his sisters are the masterminds of the operation; they’re doing their best to restore their family in an age of declining mana, and Tetsu’s got the best Magic Circuits among them so he’s tasked with summoning, but they’re operating under the strict principle that if any of their lives are endangered, especially Tetsu’s, then they halt the project immediately and seek refuge with the Church. Hugh’s hyped about the whole ‘restoring the family’s magic’ thing.

Licht, on the other hand, comes from a family that’s at the very height of their magical power. He doesn’t believe in an omnipotent wish granter because he feels that it’s cheating, but to win the Grail is the goal of every mage out there so he’s in it for the glory. For a summoning catalyst he uses a bracelet that was supposed to belong to a martyr princess of old (”She gave her life for her goals,” Licht said in awe. “Yep, it’s very impressive. Please do not do the same,” Licht’s mother said.), but it turned out to belong to the other person connected to her legend, a man who was terrible and cruel, uncaring of others after he was driven mad in grief, and so Licht summons a demon of an assassin and Crantz (regular human) is left babysitting these goons while Licht’s parents hold down the fort in Austria.

Now, the Berserker team. I just want you all to know that the ones I was most excited about is the Berserker team. Tsurugi carried out the summoning here, Touma’s other pawn, and he added a madness enhancement, changing Freya’s class from Shielder to Berserker. Tsurugi, unlike Sakuya, is a highly trained operative and adult and one of the Church’s Executors, and he’s also completely under Touma’s thumb so he’s an ideal proxy even though Touma couldn’t snatch Sakuya’s command seals like he intended to. Unfortunately, Freya’s madness has just released her inhibitions and she’s this fucking close to pulling a Tsubaki and Master-napping Tsurugi. She does her best - in her limited capacity - to get Tsurugi away from Touma and it all culminates in Touma deciding she’s too much of a loose cannon and trying to take Tsurugi’s command seals away, but the seals instead go to Iduna somehow (haven’t figured that out yet) and Iduna and Freya spirit Tsurugi away to help him recover. Shortly after Iduna develops a magic item that’ll dampen the effect of the madness enhancement, more or less reverting Freya to her original class.

Now, this Grail War is an absolute clusterfuck by this point, mostly because all the summoned Servants are siblings, so a Ruler comes in - drum roll please - World End! Because who better to solve a sibling squabble than another sibling, even if he is the third youngest. This is mostly because I want World End to be included in stuff. World End’s in my Pokemon AU. I failed to elaborate on that but since that’s the AU I’m actually writing it’s all good. Anyway they’re all gathered in a sort of war council at a family restaurant to work out their intense family issues and then World barges in ‘WHAT’S UP THIS IS A PRETTY AWKWARD REUNION.’

This actually might be one of my favorites on account of being able to have them all be different physical ages but keeping their age hierarchy since Heroic Spirits can be summoned at whichever point of their lives was significant, and also this means that I can just make up lore for them. In ten, twenty years I’m probably going to look back on this and groan but for now I’m going to have fun with it.

For Kuro, he took down an entire army on his own at age eighteen and then retreated from the world. Hugh stopped a war when he was small (this threat of war surfaced again when he was older; this was when Kuro took down a whole army). Jeje became a famous outlaw. Freya overthrew a government in order to protect her soldiers. Hyde served a princess, but she gave her life for peace, and shortly afterwards his older brother killed their father; Hyde turned cold and cruel after that. World End inherited his sister’s kingdom after she died in battle and stood strong against threats from other kingdoms, displaying sharp wisdom despite his brash personality. Snow Lily used his illusions to carry out a large scale rescue operation on a child trafficking ring. And Tsubaki? Tsubaki was but a man who inherited a sword from his father, then vanished into the night when that same father was killed. He could have - should have - been summoned as an avenger, but for the sake of story convenience and keeping the war to the traditional seven classes, I chose saber for him.

18

Welcome to my first blog post as an 18 year-old! And yes, I am well aware that I can legally drink and could be sent to jail, thank you very much. (Not that I have any plans to, though.)

I reached this milestone in my life last July 5th. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I decided to not go the traditional route and instead, opted for a trip to Korea last April and a week’s worth of festivities with family and friends.

I kicked off the celebration with lunch at a Korean barbecue place with my parents, then had a feast with my extended family (mother’s side) in Italianni’s.

I even got my cousin, Miguel, to go on with me on the ferris wheel nearby where I tried my best to admire the beautiful view of Manila Bay before us while screaming my head off.

For my actual birthday, I treated my closest friends from high school at yet another K-BBQ place for lunch, and then went to my favorite buffet place with my family for dinner. My friends Junelle, Danna and I also finally pushed through with our months-old plan of dropping by the karaoke bar relatively near to us, which served as a great release for pent-up emotions and a showcase of our non-existent vocal abilities.

This year, I also decided to go out on a limb and hold a project of my own. I was originally planning on giving away some of the old books I had piled up in my room to nearby orphanages, but with the time constraints I had, I couldn’t really afford to execute something so grand. So, with the help of my mom, I decided that it would be best to start small. We bought these tumblers from the nearby grocery and filled them to the brim with candies and chocolate bars, then gave them to the kids selling sampaguita at our church. I was really iffy about writing this part, because I know it’s easy to misconstrue my intentions for doing so: some people will probably just dismiss this as some put-on act of charity posted for clout. But, the experience was just so rewarding for me I had to. The children were all so appreciative, beaming at me, expressing their gratitude through belated birthday greetings and musings of how they could use my little gift for school – it kind of made me feel like my heart was on fire, but in the best way possible.

Anyway, now on to the standard realizations I make sure to include in nine out of ten posts.

This birthday in particular was a big deal for me, for obvious reasons. I had always regarded 18 as the age of independence and freedom: I equated it to having the liberty to do whatever I wanted, go anywhere I pleased with anyone at all, make the big decisions and know the answers to all the questions I’ve been asking my elders since I was a kid. I guess I forgot that I’m not the protagonist of the coming-of-age films I grew up indulging in, but a sheltered kid who has had most things done for her and thus has yet to acquire the basic life skills needed to survive The Real World. My parents said that I’m this way because they wanted to give me a life of convenience, and thus did anything that required me going out of my comfort zone, for me. All these years, I never found myself complaining about it or demanding that something be changed but for some reason, this stage of supposed adulthood has pressured me into thinking that there’s something terribly wrong with this because now, I have so much growing up to do.

Obviously, the biggest life change that I’ll have to deal with would be college: having to balance academics, extracurricular activities and different people in an entirely foreign environment sounded so terrifying for me. People would always tell me that grades have and could never be an issue for me: I was born the Smart Kid™ with a lot of potential, remember? I was generally a star student in all the schools I had attended, and everyone knew about it: I didn’t have to exert any effort to prove myself to those around me, because my grades did the talking. But, suddenly I’m about to enter this prestigious university with a rigorous screening process that takes in the Smart Kids™ from institutions all around the country. How am I expected to stand out in a place like that and get the Latin honors I can’t help but aim for?

Extracurriculars also have a huge bearing and apparently are an essential part of the whole college experience, which is weird to me since I’ve never really committed to a specific club all throughout my grade school and high school life. It seemed like more of a requirement to me than anything else, so deciding which one to join was like playing pin the tail on the donkey with my friends.

And, while I’m on that note: what about making new friends? I do appear to be outgoing and loud—especially if you’ve heard my piercing shrieks in my old Grade 12 classroom—but I’m only like that around those I’m truly comfortable with, and even that number has dwindled over the years. It’s hard to find people with the same interests as I do, and I’m growing more and more unsure of the fact that there are Ateneans who like K-Pop boy groups and laugh at the jeje memes I have in my camera roll. (I will cry if I don’t find anyone who can watch Japer Sniper videos with me.) I haven’t had to introduce myself to a new person in two years both IRL and online and I let them lead the conversation for a long while before I can think of warming up to them.

I also have to learn how to drive, which can come off as a surprise to anyone who’s known me for a while. I’ve always been the type to let go of the steering wheel and cover my eyes when the situation got out of control at the bumper cars. But, once I found out that ADMU isn’t actually the most commuter-friendly of schools, I didn’t really have a choice. On my first day of lessons, I was scared to my very core: my mind couldn’t stop bombarding me with stories of vehicular accidents and picture slideshows of cats that got run over. Although I did pass all four days and am now eligible to have my own license, I still have much work to do before I can take our Civic for a spin along Katipunan: please pray I learn how to parallel park without crashing into anything. I guess it would also be a bonus if I learned how to commute to and from places. I love going out, and I wish I always knew how to get to where I wanted to go and what mode of transportation to take instead of always relying on trikes and taxis all the time.

Since I’m of legal age, I’m also qualified to register to vote. I’ve started immersing myself in current events and politics a few years back, and I witnessed several people my age get shot down by adults when they did so much as express their opinions. “Masyado kang bata,” they’d argue. “Di nga kayo botante eh, wag na kayong makialam!” (But, the indifference of the youth would still be met with biting remarks like, “Wala na ba kayong ibang gagawin kundi mag-Internet? Magkaroon naman kayo ng pakialam sa nangyayari sa paligid!”) So now, I feel a certain kind of satisfaction in finally getting a say in who runs my country. But, at the same time, there’s also an intense kind of pressure since I am expected to discern which candidate serves the people’s best interests and hopefully lead us out of the downward spiral we’re currently making our way through.

It was only very recently—towards the start of the final month of my vacation—that I realized how stagnant I still was a person. Must be surprising for some of you. I feel like I somewhat project this image of being constantly put together. Very rarely do I let myself be vulnerable around other people. This is probably why every time I turn to someone to talk about my problems, I’m always met with reassurance: I, of all people, would have it under control, they say. I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

But, that’s the thing: when we’re on social media, we have this tendency to present only our best selves, turning our accounts into heavily filtered highlight reels. This is not only pretentious but toxic behavior, because of its failure to put things into perspective and show that everyone has their own fair share of both good and bad days. My Instagram feed may be its busy and color-coordinated self at the moment, but it doesn’t show the many nights I’ve spent crying because of how overwhelmed I was by this sudden surge in responsibilities and my inability to handle all of them. I mean, things can seem way beyond your control when your brain refuses to shut up and calm down.

I guess my failure to prepare for everything could be traced back to the beginning of this summer. In hindsight, the goals I had set for my four-month break were all very short-term and not exactly centered on self-improvement. I looked through the bullet journal I was keeping at the time, and found items like “clean my room”, “delete Facebook friends and Twitter followers I don’t interact with” and “buy a new study table” – one word for April 2018 Angel: why? I easily could have used the time to learn a new language or pledge to write 10 posts, maybe even pick up an instrument so I could have started a career as a Soundcloud artist and gotten myself a record deal instead of going to college (Mom, Dad, I’m kidding.) But for some reason, I didn’t even think of setting my standards that high. I spent a lot of time lying on my back, scrolling through the same old timelines several times a day as if the constant refreshing would bring anything of substance in my life.

It's much easier to let the regret paralyze me, to beat myself up for all the mistakes I’ve made and wonder why I didn’t do better. But, we all know that won’t help me get anywhere. As of now, I’m trying my best to be more vocal about my problems with other people so they don’t build up inside of me until I spontaneously combust. I admit I’m also quite the emotional person, so I really want to work on having a rational approach to whatever I’m going through.

I found this thread of healthy coping mechanisms and emergency plans to use during times of distress floating around. In case you guys are too lazy to click on the link, it basically says that you should first identify the trigger thought or whatever is sparking the negative emotions, identify the unhelpful thinking style that you are subscribing to and counter them through coping thoughts and actions to bring your mood back to the center. Twitter user thecolor_teal also says that one important thing to note is that you should never believe in your thoughts without critiquing them.

I’ve been doubling down on the worrying and channeling all that energy on pursuing other interests and planning my life out. I’m on my fifth book in the span of two weeks (I have a post coming up on this, so watch out!) and I just hit the 2k word mark on this post, so I can pretty much say I’m on a roll.  I also came up with three main goals that I want to prioritize as I venture into this new chapter of my life. I read somewhere that publicizing whatever you want to work on, jinxes them in a way but since there’s no scientific evidence to back it up, I’m taking the risk. It could serve as a constant reminder of what I have to do, or pressure me into following through because I’ve put it up here to everyone to see: either way, I win, I guess.

1. Be more involved – maintain a firm stance of my own in issues concerning the country, give back to my community, continue to take genuine interest in the lives of those around me and do whatever I can to help them

2. Be more sociable – judge people less; get to know and interact with people from as many different social circles as possible; learn how to make the first move, engage in small talk (!!!) and not end the conversation with an awkward laugh

3. Be more street smart – be confident when on my own in public places, distinguish when I’m being fooled by people, learn how to get out of sticky situations without having to ask for help

I don’t exactly have everything down pat yet but at this point, it’s become somewhat comforting for me to think that I’m not expected to, and that no one my age knows exactly what they’re doing. We’re all clueless kids with no idea what the future holds and if we’re truly capable of handling it – we’re all hanging on to our empty attempts at reassuring ourselves. Anyone who denies this is probably just trying to make themselves feel better and I’d like you lot to know that we see through you! Despite the sheer hopelessness of our situations, I hope you all make amends with your right to not know whatever the heck you’re doing with your life right now and learn to trust the process. You’ve probably been through worse in the past, but here you are: beaten and bruised and still dusting yourself off from the last time life let you down but still alive and valid and fighting and that’s all that matters. We got this, fellow adult-er. And that is not to be mistaken for adulterer, by the way. That’s not something we should strive to be.

CHAPTER TWO: THE BEGINNING

It was almost the end of the first half of the school year. Examinations were coming up. Projects piling up. As the editor-in-chief, I still hadn't finished working on our school paper, which was almost due for release. School activities were also lining up, waiting to be planned. To my friends' distaste, I also became the president of our student organization. We all knew I wasn't the best candidate for the position, but I won anyway. My small group of friends at school thought I was kind of immature and way too emotional—definitely a cry-baby—to handle a responsibility as big as that, considering I had to lead the entire high school. Well, I didn't believe I was immature but I had to agree I was a little sensitive, but the points to my grades mattered so much to me that I couldn't care less.

It was barely noon and my morning classes weren't finished yet, but there I was, lying uncomfortably in one of the beds in the school clinic, bothered by both the warm compress the nurse laid over my lower abdomen and the pain it was trying to relieve. I loathed the cramps that came with the monthly visits. When your stomach felt like it was being twisted into knots and being squeezed out of its life, it could do more than dampen one's day. But if I were to look at more tasks left unticked in my notepad, I'd rather embrace the physical pain and thank the heavens for the blessing in disguise. I badly needed the break.

The pain had been coming and going for the last hour but it sure was becoming more and more bearable each passing minute. And I was starting to get bored too. I tried sleeping but it wasn't working at all so I settled with fiddling with the mobile device in my hands. It wasn't the hottest cellphone in the market but it was a gift from my father and was better than most of my classmates'. It had a built-in camera that I barely used. I tried taking photos of myself in private a couple of times but I never learned to like any of them. In fact, I cringed at those horrible selfies. I filled my gallery with girlish wallpapers and cute GIFs instead. It also didn't have an MP3 player like the very high-end ones but it had ringtones of some of my favorite love songs, enough to entertain me.

But that day it seemed like nothing was working for me. I went to check my inbox for unread messages. There was none. I scanned through them and found Matthew's long list of sweet messages that I'd like to read over and over again, along with some inspirational quotes from my friends. One text caught my attention, though. It simply said hello but it lacked the appropriate punctuation mark and the first letter wasn't even capitalized. Coming from an unknown number, it was weird that I hadn't deleted it yet. I knew texts needed not to have proper structure and grammar but I still preferred it that way. Matthew didn't have a problem with that since he was also as particular as me in that department.

I'd barely respond to unknown numbers, especially if their texts looked stupid and offensive to my eyes—grammar-wise, that was why I was so surprised with myself when I typed, "I don't usually talk to strangers, but who are you?" and sent it back to that unknown number.

I really wasn't expecting anything from that number and started sending Matthew some messages next. I missed talking to him. He mostly never responded to my messages and I couldn't even call him. I'd hate to take so much of his time that I hardly ever called and I especially hated it when the calls got rejected. Aside from having a hectic schedule, Matthew needed money and he couldn't always afford to buy prepaid load for his phone. And I understood that. I just really missed him. When I bought him prepaid load one time, it just didn't end well for me. I probably even offended him. So I learned to wait...and wait.

My phone suddenly chimed.

1 new message received flashed on my screen.

I readjusted my back so I could settle comfortably and quickly pressed the ok button, hoping to see Matthew's reply.

It wasn't his.

"Not a stranger, just Raven Maude," I read the text from the unknown number. Scrunching my nose, I typed, "I'll decide on that," and paused, thinking where I heard that name. "Well, I know one Maude. Her name's Cathy." We didn't go to the same high school but Cathy's from my village and everyone around there seemed to just know each other. One of my friends from the village had a crush on her too so whenever we met, she was almost always part of our conversations.

I barely waited when my phone chimed again. Surely, it was from the stranger. It said, "She's actually my little sister. Jeje..."

I cringed at the last part of his text. Emojis weren't a thing yet in 2007 so you really had to spell out your laughs in texts, but I preferred h for haha or hehe over their j counterparts. The latter bothered me a lot. Wait...did he just say she was his sister? "Huh," I puffed out. He just pointed out two things. One, he couldn't be a total stranger when I knew one of his kin. Two, I was a moron thinking I knew everyone in my village.

I tried to picture him out in my head. Although petite, Cathy was pretty good-looking so he couldn't have deviated that far if they were truly siblings. Then I remembered there was one time, a few years ago, some of those kids in the village talked about Cathy's brother, whose name I didn't even care to know, and they giggled as they did so. I was curious for like five seconds and went on with my life. I never even got to see his face. It's weird how we never bumped into each other in the village until now.

"Really? Small world," I started typing my reply. "By the way, where did you get my number?" I asked, not at all amused that someone shared my personal information without my permission.

He said it was Marie, another common friend of ours from the village. "I saw you with her and your other friends in the plaza a few weeks ago. I asked her for your number. I hope you don't mind...with your aversion to strangers and all."

I rolled my eyes but decided to let go of that comment. Indeed, there was a recent community event in the village square and I was invited by Marie and her group to perform one dance with them. I hadn't caught on the steps yet and I was lucky the lights went out and didn't get to perform in the end. It sure would be embarrassing especially now that I learned there was someone behind those throng of expectators whose eyes were on me for at least a moment.

"It's fine. You're only half a stranger after all," I said, without fully meaning it. I looked at his first message once again and realized it had been sitting there on my phone for a few weeks now. I wondered if he thought I was a snob. Not that it mattered. I knew this was just a hi-and-bye encounter, just two people who belonged to the same community nodding at each other's way to acknowledge their existence.

My phone chimed yet again. "Good. Now we're friends."

********************************************

Raven didn't warn me how clingy he was for a friend. We sent each other messages more than friends usually did—at least, more than I texted my friends. We easily got past awkward introductions and dove right into casual conversations that had started to become a routine. Mornings started with greetings and ended with, "Have you had your lunch yet?" Nights were filled with a cannonade of questions about each other and always ended with either a good-night or a sleep-well.

I knew it was unfair of me to compare Matthew with Raven but I couldn't help but wonder how amazing it would be if my boyfriend showed me as much attention as Raven did. I sighed, reminding myself that Matthew was not just a college student but also a part-time employee of a fastfood chain, which implied he had way more important things to do than waste time on his phone. Besides, he asked me to give him time and wait for us to be together; I shouldn't be feeling resentful. But talking to Raven had been a pleasant experience and, though I still missed my boyfriend, my nights had started to become less lonely than they used to be.

By the end of the week, I learned that Raven was a freshman in college in the same city as Matt's. He wanted to become either a civil engineer or a seafarer but, by his mother's persuasion, ended up taking a two-year course in Hotel and Restaurant Management. He said his mother thought his aim was too high. He didn't graduate at the top of his class in high school but he wasn't dumb either. It's a shame he didn't even get to try it out.

I learned that Raven didn't have a favorite color and that was weird. Who didn't have a favorite color? Like even the slightest bias to one or two? Raven just didn't think it mattered. He liked playing the guitar, though. In fact, he just bought one, out of his savings from his school allowance and other sidelines. He didn't mention he worked part-time so I wondered what those were.

Raven also talked about basketball, saying it's that one thing he really was passionate about. I knew nothing about it and thought it was crazy to go home almost every weekend for a game or two. Basketball leagues, according to him, topped the sports activities in our district. Leagues were hosted everywhere and Raven and his team wouldn't dare miss one. He even mentioned he would've been in the seminary already instead of his current school if that one big game didn't fall on the same day as his departure. It appalled me how he could just easily make big decisions and outright change plans just to suit his schedule. It was so not my cup of tea.

"It's funny, you know," Raven said once over the phone.

"What?"

"That you say you've never seen me when we've had several encounters already."

That piqued my curiosity. "Really? I don't recall ever meeting you."

"No, you haven't," he said. "But when you were little—we were little, I used to see you with your uncle all the time in their farm. I'm friends with his nephews, you know."

"Really?" I gasped. I hoped he didn't catch me in those moments when I was stuffing my mouth with so much fruit that I could barely chew them, because the food was all the reason why I stuck around my uncle and their family's farm. But who could resist fruits, right, especially my favorites, Durian and Rambutan?

"And we also used to play basketball in front of your house. There's like a makeshift basketball ring there, if you haven't noticed. Whenever you came home from your school, you would just walk right in front of us—with that gigantic luggage you call your school bag, your head always down, never looking at anyone."

That made me chuckle. "I'm sorry I'm such a snob," I replied, feigning remorse. "I'm just not comfortable walking through a crowd." A crowd of boys, especially. I just tried to be as invisible as I could be. I knew I would just embarrass myself like tripping over or something if I knew someone was looking at me. I just knew it. Yes, I was a dancer and I performed on stage with enough confidence and grace, but as soon as the performance ended, I quickly went back to being shy, awkward, and clumsy.

"It's funny how you squirmed whenever the ball rolled towards your feet," he said with a laugh.

"It's called a reflex, Raven!" I exclaimed, shuddering at the recollection. I didn't have any phobia with balls but I couldn't help but picture my impending demise whenever it came near me, considering my rather inept ability of handling surprises. I just knew that a time would come when I'd finally trip over that evil orb and fall down on my knees, my white skirt uniform flying over my head and showing my bum, and everyone would just laugh at me. I shuddered at the thought. "Everything would be fine as long as the ball and I kept our distance from each other," I whispered to myself.

Raven didn't seem to hear that. "You never noticed how the world would seem to stop whenever you walked past us, do you?"

I snorted, but I felt the heat creep up my cheeks. "Now you're just being silly, Mr. Raven Maude!"

"Seriously, Kier..." My name just sounded a little strange coming from him. But not in a creepy way. It just sounded a little soft and sweet and it made me feel a little warm and fuzzy. Great! I rolled my eyes at the thought. "A lot of boys like you, Kiera." He paused then added, "But we all know you're like the stars...twinkling at us from up the sky but impossible to reach."

"Yeah, right..." I chuckled nervously, pushing away the thoughts that came flooding with the we and us from his last statement. "You're just exagerrating things, Raven, because that's not probable. They don't even know me and, mind you, no one has ever asked me out." Even at school, no one really shows interest in me...well, except for Aaron, but he's already moved on to the next girl.

"That's the thing, Kier. You're different from the rest of the girls. Everyone knows you're that pretty, smart, and talented girl—who barely comes down from her castle to mingle with us, commoners," he paused to chuckle. "But no one really knows you. You're like a mystery waiting to be solved," he continued, causing tiny drums to start playing inside my chest. "But everyone's scared of the unknown, so..."

"So everyone's scared of me?" I said, laughing.

He laughed too, then paused for a while before saying, "I'm not."

I didn't know when or how but those tiny drums were now accompanied by other instruments that my chest had morphed into a grand venue for an elaborate orchestra. And it was overwhelming. Too overwhelming that I started to feel nauseated. What am I doing? I didn't know if it could be called flirting but Raven and I were becoming more than casual friends. And this most definitely wasn't a hi-and-bye encounter! I realized I had been responding to his messages all too eagerly and began looking forward to those everytime my phone beeped. I also didn't have a problem answering to his phone calls even at school. I knew Matthew wouldn't be too thrilled about this new friend of mine, especially if he knew he never really surfaced in our conversations. I was a terrible liar and I wouldn't deliberately lie. It's just that Raven never asked me about having a boyfriend. And I never did ask him too. A girlfriend, I meant. I didn't ask him if he had a girlfriend. We were just being friendly to each other and there was no harm in that. And I thought it was probably just me and my obsession with love stories that I had started thinking about a budding romance between the two of us. I was probably just reading too much into things.

********************************************

Semestral break was now days ahead, just the breather that I needed. Examinations were almost done and there I was with the group of dancers at my school, practicing for our presentation to be showcased during the opening of the week-long inter-school sports competition for next month. Dancing was what I loved, next to reading books and sketching portraits. I'd easily get lost to music and beautiful movements. It made me feel free. And nothing was more freeing than dancing contemporary under a new choreographer for the event, which was a challenge that my group and I accepted wholeheartedly. Plus, I couldn't play sports. I was clumsy that I'd either miss serving a volleyball or get hit in the face with a basketball. The only way I could get those points from sports events was through cheering and dancing.

When we had had enough pirouettes and toe touch jumps, my friends and I slumped into the floor to rest. "I can't wait for the semestral break," most of them murmured. I also looked forward to creeping into my bed without body aches and waking up without a worry in the world. Just as my heartbeat started slowing down from racing and my sweats stopped pouring, my cellphone rang.

I turned rigid. I didn't have many people calling me. There's just my mom, actually. Matthew barely even texted. And there's...Raven.

My heart raced once again as I rummaged through my bag to look for my phone. When I finally found it, he really didn't disappoint. I ran outside the room to answer his call, my friends' curious eyes on me.

"Hi," I said through ragged breaths. When I realized Raven and I had been constantly on the phone to text each other, I tried to pull back and refocused my attention to school and Matthew. I hadn't heard from him for a while and this was so unexpected it kind of made me all flushed. I tried to sound a little less excited but I couldn't help my lips from twitching into a full-blown smile.

"Hello, Kiera..." he answered, his voice just as rasped and as sweet as I remembered it. It was weird that I could imagine him smiling behind that voice. And I hadn't even seen him yet. "Where are you?"

"School," I answered shortly.

"Isn't it your semestral break already?" he asked, his voice still making me feel all the fuzzy feelings I first had with Matthew.

I shook my head but felt stupid for doing it over the phone. "Not yet. I still have a couple of days or so. Why do you ask?"

I heard him chuckle. "I'm going home, Kier."

"Y-Yeah?" I murmured, my heart now beating erratically. I didn't know why but the thought of this person, whom I had shared a lot of conversations with over the phone for the last few weeks, coming home and probably wanting to see me felt like a really bad idea but one I still wanted to succumb to. "So you're done with your first semester in college?"

"Absolutely, maam," he said in a more playful tone. "And I can't wait to go home..."

He dragged his last word that I thought he still had something else to say, but there was nothing. I was glad our conversations still remained completely platonic and innocent. "That's great, Rave. Congratulations!"

"Thanks!" I imagined him grinning as he said that.

"So when is this great homecoming?"

He chuckled. "Soon," he said. "I'll see you when I see you."

I laughed too. "Sure," I answered. "I'll see you when I see you too."

The call didn't last long. He only wanted to say he was coming home and it left me feeling weak on the knees. I was scared of seeing him, of fully realizing that he was a real person and not just a figment of my imagination...and that I had been entertaining someone else, even if it was hardly romantic, behind Matthew's back. My excitement died down a little.

I went back to the room, my head still wrapped up around Raven's impending homecoming. I didn't realize what my face looked like until André, my gay best friend, shot me a curious look and asked, "What's with that grinning face? It's annoying!" I went to him and slumped giddily beside him. "Who was that?"

"Matthew..." I answered with a slight shrug of my shoulders.

"Uh-huh? If you say so," he said, his eyes still pierced on mine, telling me what a terrible liar I was.

Nobody knew about Raven because I didn't want my friends telling me that what I was doing was wrong especially when there was really nothing between Raven and I. I knew they wouldn't believe that. Even I have my doubts too. But Raven and I never crossed a line, which was what really mattered, and his presence in my life was a breath of fresh air I didn't realize I was craving so much. And again, I might have been just imagining things that weren't really there. Raven was a college student who probably had a lot of beautiful college girls flocking around him. He might even have a girlfriend waiting for him too. I just knew him through our text messages and calls but I didn't really know him that much. I was stupid to think of anything other than a platonic relationship between us but it also somehow felt disappointing, which scared me a lot because that would be validating I somehow felt something for him. Even just a little. And it would crush Matthew.

Oh, Matthew...

I had never been more guilty in my life.

What Mr Eazi’s Father, Captain Ajibade, Has To Say About His Son

Not much is known about Captain Alexander Olukayode Ajibade who retired from the Nigerian Air Force as a Squadron leader.

But his son, Oluwatosin Oluwole Ajibade, better known as Mr. Eazi will ring a bell in the ears of many Nigerians or lovers of Afro beat. Even though being a celebrity parent has its perks, Captain Ajibade, as fondly called and his wife chose to remain off the scene as their first son, Mr Eazi swept through cities after cities with hit records, using his style of ‘Banku Music,’ touring and striking deals across the UK, US and other markets as one of the smartest African musicians alive. Two days before meeting Captain Ajibade at his Lagos home, I put up his name on Google but nothing came up, nothing linked him with the singer except during one of the music star’s video shoots, where Mr Eazi disclosed that Kpalanga, a military-themed music video was inspired by his pilot father’s absence from his family life. The video features the singer and a troupe of backing dancers dressed in camouflage fatigues, reflected the “toll” his father’s absence took on their relationship. He recalled meeting his father for the first time when he was two. As we sit down in his plush living room, I start by asking why they were not out there despite the fact that their son is arguably one of Nigeria’s most commercially successful artistes at the moment, especially in the international market. From sold-out concerts to making huge streaming revenue, Mr Eazi can be said to have successfully cracked the code on how effectively break into the international market. He has generated more than 900 million streams worldwide, including over 226 million plays on YouTube alone. From his tone, his reactions, one will definitely doubt that Captain Ajibade who hails from Ayetoro, Ogun State, once worked in the military. He is calm and cool, a rare trait to see in a military man. “I have always been a very private person, let Mr Eazi do his things and we do our things here too”, he replies before narrating a scenario to support why they chose to remain private as Mr Eazi’s parent. “I think it was in the news that Mr Eazi’s father was kidnapped, people who saw the news were trying to reach me. It was on Sunday and I got back from Church early so I was sleeping at home and my phone was off. By the time my wife got back and they called her, she said my husband is here. “So they kidnapped the wrong person,” he narrated. Upon our arrival at his home, Mr Eazi’s parents just filled up a car with cooked meals heading to somewhere in Agege to give them out to the less privileged. A week earlier, the parent through Mr Eazi’s foundation – emPawa Foundation, had donated food items to residents in Sango Ota in Ogun State, and also visited Little Saints Orphanage in Lagos to support vulnerable children with food items. Initially, Captain Ajibade did not plan to follow the family to Agege to distribute the food but when we arrived, he had to take us in his car and waited, and after we were done, we headed back to his home and there I told him about our mission. “I thought you guys will want to interview Mr Eazi not me and he’s not around right now,” he said. I told him “we are here for you for now sir.” After we settled down, he took us back to his military and religious journey as well as other things he ventured into at the same time. “I don’t believe in titles. People just refer to me as Captain Ajibade, simple. I remembered when I was in Liberia, people call me Chaplain rather than addressing me by my rank, I retired as from the Air Force as a Squadron leader, in some circles they call me reverend, some call me pastor. In fact, there is a renowned Bishop in this country that always addresses me as a prophet.” After leaving service, Captain Ajibade did not stop rendering service to his country,“And to the Glory of God, I fly more or less for fun now, training Police pilots with no charge,” he says. “I fly helicopters that are rare, that when you go round the whole of West Africa, you will only see one or two people that can fly that type of helicopter. So that’s basically the person I am. Captain Ajibade has worked with notable people in Nigeria in the aviation sector, “I retired after 19 years in service of Nigerian Air Force, since then I have worked in several places. Bristow Helicopters, Adenuga’s Southern Airlines through Chief Makanjuola who owns Caverton Helicopters because he was the one paying us. “As I said, I still fly, my dream is that one day I have my own helicopter, not necessarily because right now I’m at the retirement age of even flying but then seeing some young ones growing, doing it and I love imparting knowledge on people, whether religious knowledge, spiritualism or knowledge as per aviation because after forty-something years in the military, you know I have something to offer. Captain Ajibade was also in Sierra Leone for ECOMOG for three years, a West African peacekeeping force that was founded to stop the bloodshed and ethnic killing. “All those experiences shaped me and my perception about life,” he added. Captain Ajibade and his son had a weird relationship because of absence in his life while growing up. “I think I didn’t see him for about 12 months after he was born,” he says as I asked him about his relationship with his son. “15 months, it was 15 months,” Mr Eazi’s mother, former banker now a pastor and an entrepreneur who was sitting at the dining table observing the interview from afar chipped in. “I actually met my wife in the bank where she was working,” he had told me earlier. “Well you know women do keep accurate date and time,’’ Captain Ajibade added as he flashed back to those struggling times to serve his nation and leave his family. “I was to go to Liberia during the civil war, I only waited for some time to do the naming ceremony and I left. It was a tough time for me because he doesn’t know me, he won’t listen or speak to me,” he lamented, “it was after I retired from the service I finally found time to work on our father and son relationship.” Mr Eazi’s father is from Yewa constituency in Ogun State while his mother is from the South-South region of Nigeria. The couple met in Port Harcourt where Mr Eazi was born, but how did Ghana came into the picture? I asked Captain Ajibade. Mr Eazi’s musical root has always been traced to Ghana, the singer once told Rolling Stone Magazine that “My music started out in Ghana, moved to the U.K. and then to Nigeria. To this day, the U.K. is my Number One streaming location on Apple Music and Spotify.” Mr Eazi had his growing up years, from 15 to 22 in Ghana for his educational endeavours, enrolling in the mechanical engineering programme at Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology (KNUST). He later proceeded to Coventry University, United Kingdom. Helping people has always been Mr Eazi’s mission, “it was during his time at KNUST, he started doing MC, DJ and booking artistes to perform at college parties using the money to help students,” says Captain Ajibade. He did not start making music to make money.” Mr Eazi would later contribute vocals to the track “My Life”, a song that gained traction and became a popular record at KNUST. It was during his time as show MC that he got his stage name. “When he is MCing at the party, he always cautioned people at the event to take it easy, easy easy je je which now becomes Mr Eazi,” Captain Ajibade reveals, adding that his name was Easy Easy Jeje at first. Mr Eazi went on to pioneer Banku music, a fusion sound he describes as a mixture of Ghanaian highlife and Nigerian chord progressions and patterns. It is a sound characterized by percolating rhythms and laid-back vocal delivered in Ghanaian Pidgin English. Expanding his community service beyond Nigeria, Mr Eazi launched a talent incubator programme ‘emPawa Africa’ in 2018, with the goal of investing in promising artists early so they could develop self-sustaining careers. Each artiste will receive a $10,000 grant to go towards a music video, along with mentorship from professional singers, producers, and video directors. Captain Ajibade, while reacting to that nodded in affirmation, “that’s how all my children were brought up. It is not that he is rich to sponsor all those artistes, he has sponsors, some people are also supporting him.” “Mr Eazi always told us the story of the $1,000 investment someone made in his career and how that made a huge difference,” E Kelly, a music producer and close collaborator, told Rolling Stone in 2019. The strategy seemed to work for singers like Joeboy, J. Derobie, and others who scored hits last year after connecting with emPawa. I asked at what point did Mr Eazi showed interest in music, the father did not give me a specific answer but disclosed that all his children have access to many musical instruments at home and they listened to records he would play for the family while having breakfast. Giving the fact that Military men are always strict, Captain Ajibade is far from strict, he’s actually the one we should be calling Mr Eazi. As a man of God, he believes people should do what they are passionate about and be fulfilled. Speaking about his kind of private lifestyle, Captain Ajibade who doesn’t always attend his son’s shows and will remain in the crowd for the once he attends, said “that’s where all the fun is actually,” while his son will announce that his father is around but won’t get him noticed because he does not take life too serious because of experience while growing up. In his words, “There are always two angles to human beings. There is spiritual and there is physical and when you have experienced both, you just know that there is nothing to it. He went on to narrate how things were hard while growing up, “I say extremely rough, right from my primary school days, I even had ulcer but reading the bible and following the scripture, it impacted on my character and my way of life.” Captain Ajibade also had a little stint in politics, he contested Federal House of Rep for three times and lost all. Prior to that, he boasted to have built more than 200 boreholes across the country as a way of giving back to the communities. While narrating how his third attempt in the National Assembly made him quit politics, he agreed that it has always been like that in Nigeria politics. “The one that I won, those who have money bought it and that’s politics,” he says “At one point I was wondering that how can I win someone in his polling unit, in his ward, in his local government and yet at the end of the day, I still lose the election?” But for someone like Captain Ajibade who believes in God, took the situation as part of the training of life, “it shows how people can go into a lot of diabolical means to win elections and what I told the man was that. I said the way the animal that went to sacrifice suffered and died, that’s the way you will end up your life, and that was what happened. He was in the House of Rep three times consecutively, but he rotten to death, I was not happy about it but there is nothing you sow in life you will reap it, whether here or hereafter.” Captain Ajibade started his political career from Alliance for Democracy, AD, and migrated to People’s Democratic Party, PDP, “and that was when Gbenga Daniel started his campaign in Ayetoro with some of my projects. I moved all my followers from AD to PDP and I have always contested under PDP, though I am not an active PDP member anymore,” he reveals. Despite his contribution to his communities and having a good plan to represent them at the National level, Captain Ajibade’s efforts were not appreciated. “In fact I stopped been active in politics after my third-time attempt. I have come to realize that people are not ready, maybe for those who believed in divine intervention, maybe we will look for divine intervention, but the attitude of the people cannot actually bring an effective change,” he concluded. Read the full article

Dark Shadow

“What’s wrong?” He had not noticed the tears rolling down his cheeks until Lily asked.

And he didn’t know how to tell him so he just nodded trusting that Lily would follow his eyes. The gasp Lily left out meant he saw and no words were needed from him.

“Probably they are just talking about why Sakuya left him out of nowhere suddenly?”

“Look again.” Lily’s nails sunk on his arm’s skin and Kuro didn’t bother to tell him to pull back, the pain was a reminder that this was reality and that he had to accept it.

“Mahiru has tears while they kiss how dramatic,” Kuro said and it was not the kiss what made the knife rip dipper through his chest, but those tears. Mahiru would never feel with him that much, miss him that much, love him that much.

They were supposed to have been helping in the kitchen, after all it had been Mahiru who offered them both to help Lily with the party not him. So when Mahiru had gone missing for more than twenty minutes Kuro had made the mistake to look for him.

A stig in his chest followed by a bolt of electricity making his body freeze were the reactions he got when his eyes laid on the pair, first because they were discussing, and then because they were kissing.

Kuro was not a fool he had always known that Mahiru had that “true love lost” sickness, sometimes he wondered why he made this to himself, the answer of course was that in truth he was a fool.

Kuro and Lily walked back into the kitchen and sat down. Lily didn’t know what to do, Kuro was not someone to show his feeling let alone talk about them, he didn’t know if his comfort would help or make it worst.

“I’m sorry, I know you were already working on the menu for the wedding.” Kuro said, and he sounded so utterly miserable that Lily risked a hug. “I have no problem with it, but don’t you think you’re rushing conclusions, they were lovers once and things didn’t end well between them, maybe it was a goodbye moment, he is Mahiru’s past but you are the present, you two are engaged. I’m sure Mahiru loves you. He wouldn’t have accepted otherwise.”

“You don’t understand,” Kuro’s stare got astray and Lily gave him a moment. “It won’t change and it won’t matter. Mahiru has that thing… he is his love and it has never really become his past. There were moments in which he would say things like “Sakuya would…” I never called him out in the comparing comments, I would changed the conversation. Maybe it was because deep down I knew that if I did and it turned into a fight I would see, I didn’t want to hear it. A part of me always felt that if I didn’t hear it I could avoid seeing how much he still felt for Sakuya.” Kuro finished looking lost and angry. Lily was shocked, it was incredibly rare and he could count with his fingers all the times where Sleepy Ash had spoken that much. It only made his heart hurt for his brother more, it spoke volumes of how much pain he was in.

Not that it was a surprise, all the servamps and their eves had seen how in love the Servamp of Sloth was with Mahiru, it had never happened before. Sleepy Ash had showed feelings for his other masters, yes, but he never had acted on them; what he had done with Mahiru, not only the engagement but the fact alone that he had started a relationship with him had been a deep shock for all the brothers and their sister.

“Even if it was a goodbye kiss, I saw how much he misses Sakuya. And I have been avoiding for so long to question myself if I’m really okay with being just the nail to cover where the other stood. It’s just…” Lily gave him time and while Kuro looked at the ground he wondered if he should or not warn him that Mahiru was listening, somehow Lily decided that maybe it was for the best not to. “It hurts more each time, it’s like waking up suddenly in the middle of  daydream...those moments when I remember...it’s just like a bothersome stig in my chest that freezes me in the middle of the day with cold water reminding me that it doesn’t matter how much I do, how I change, how much I love him. Sakuya’s shadow is always there, just pointing out that deep down if it could be, if it was possible, he rather Sakuya was wherever I was standing at the moment.”

“Mahiru loves you.” Lily said, looking Mahiru in the eyes as he stood in the dark in the little space of the door ajar.

“Yeah,” Kuro chuckled, followed by a pitiful hiccup. “But, at the end of the day...what does that matter?”

“It matters.” Mahiru said stepping inside. Kuro rose his sight to him and gave him a small smile, which made Mahiru stop walking towards him, not believing what he was seeing.

“Did he leave?” The and you finally remembered me was clear enough by the smile alone.

“Yes, I told him to.” Mahiru answered.

“You shouldn’t have.”

Before a more dangerous argument broke off, Lily told Mahiru to please leave him to talk with his brother, it took some convincing but eventually Mahiru understood that everything was too raw for him to go and try to apologize while Kuro’s wound was fresh and wouldn’t see reason.

“Brother...”

“It is just there in the back of my mind. I thought that I could...change it, that with time… but, well, you saw too.”

“Then what? You can break the engagement but Mahiru is still your Eve, you can’t just disappear.”

“What a pain,” Kuro looked at the empty space where Mahiru had been, “I can’t deal with it.” he had never meant those words as much as he did now. “The war is over, and Sakuya can take care of him from Tsubaki anyway.”

“You can’t mean that you would…”

“Bastar-chan’s brother knows how to break the contract, “ Kuro left out a heavy sigh, “it is for the best, Mahiru can go back with Sakuya now that he’s back and I can go back to be a lazy cat in some far away alley...everyone will be happy.”

Lily freaked out, Sleepy Ash would not only leave, he would disappear in such a way that nobody would know about him again until Mahiru’s lifespan has long ended.

Lily tried to talk him out of it, but the most he got after many minutes was an I’ll think about it in the way home-to Mahiru’s house.

After Sleepy Ash left Lily searched for Mahiru for while and found him up the rooftop with none other than Sakuya.

Lily had never been one to seek or enjoy violence but he could barely hold himself from wishing sweet dreams to Sakuya.

“I thought you told him to leave.” Lily said, making Mahiru yelp in surprise.

“We were only talking.” Mahiru answered, Lily didn’t pay any attention to Sakuya and walked to the edge of the rooftop followed by Mahiru.

“I’ll make Kuro understand,” Mahiru was cut by Lily pointing down the street, down in the dark pavement Kuro was taking a bus to Mahiru’s. Of course, even from that far Mahiru could see his misery.

“I advise you to think very well what you truly feel, don’t get near him until you are truly sure of it.” Mahiru had never heard Lily be so cold and threatening.

“I am sure!” Mahiru said loudly.

“He is thinking of breaking your contract.” Lily stared waiting for his reaction which was turning and running off.

Sakuya looked him go, but there was curiosity in his eyes not just pain.

“If he breaks his contract…” Sakuya was cut by Lily’s summoned large scythe.

By the time Mahiru arrived home, Kuro was nowhere to be seen, however his bell rested along with a note in the breakfast table.

This is all you’ll need, talk with Jeje’s eve, he knows how to break it.

Have a good life Mahi.

Two weeks passed by with Mahiru searching everywhere, each dark alley he passed by rose and broke his hopes. He didn’t ask help from any of the other Servamps, he had to find Kuro himself. But as the days weared off his hope wavered.

Two weeks later he found himself walking towards Mikuni’s shop, tears rolling down his cheeks at the thought that maybe that small obscure miserable figure at the bus stop was going to be the last image of Kuro he would have.

Unbeta, I am really sorry for the mistakes!

I'm not one for Sakumahi, but after reading this amazing work, a song fic of “When I was Your Man” my writer block left off.

And so here we are. I might have projected a bit. Anyway I love angst so hope you like it too.