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#Lion El'Johnson
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relax-and-read-on · 4 months
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I have not made made a generic hc post about the primarch in a LONG time. I miss it, and it's good for the warhammer tumblr ecosystem. So, without further waiting....
Primarch, and the absolutely shitty gifts they give each others for a White Elephants gift exchange
Roboute: A classic coffee mug (primarch sized!) Filled with sweets and a indestructible fancy fountain pen. The mug say "World Most Okay Dad" on it, and he joke that it apply to them all.
Lion: a stuffed bird. The number of eyes on it is vaguely unnerving. It's unclear wich way is the head suppose to go, and all agree that it's probably an awful mutant bird. Lion is too proud to admit that it's just a really shotty taxidermy he made himself.
Alpharius Omegon: They give a series of mysterious CD in blank case, wich is a very rare and hard to read format on most ship! It's the entire series of MLP:FiM, famous lost media in the 30th millenium.
Rogal: A thick, sturdy, and perfectly elegant multi bit screwdriver, with extra standard bits put in the handle. Give a proud presentation on it, explaining it's superior design and all it's ergonomic features. It's 45 min long.
Perturabo: it's a coupon that say "one (1) construction from me and my legion, free of complaining. Valid until the 31th millenium." It's the most popular gift of the night.
Corvus: slipper and kigurumi, all crow themed. They are *adorable*. Sadly, the size is a bit tight and vaguely indecent on the more muscular primarch.
Lorgar: a traditional colchian tea set, with hand dried craft teas! The set is beautiful, and the teas prove to be only mildly hallucinogenic.
Konrad: A very, VERY pretty embroidered set of throw pillow! They have delicate pattern of flower and nature imagery... And are made with human hair. Konrad is very proud of himself, and even more of the absolute bloody screaming his gift create when he explain it.
Sanguinius: put out by Konrad's gift, but he also made a pillow, but this one filled with his own feathers. Has surprising property against nightmare.
Vulkan: He was actually sweet, and brought homemade hot sauce, his mother's recipe! The problem is that the stuff is so strong, it's considered a dangerous chemical in most of the galaxy. Can be used as jet fuel.
Horus: Edible sexy underwear. Insist that whoever gets it has to wear it, and jokingly say that, if they are too shy, he can do a demonstration himself.
Mortarion: a succulent growing kit. Even his most dumbasses of brother should be able to keep a succulent alive, right? Doesn't mention that it's an highly invasive species that will colonise the entire ship of his poor victime.
Jaghatai: a foal. Yes, he carry a whole ass live animal to the gift exchange, and keep insisting that it's an appropriate gift. The horse is chewing on Magnus' hair.
Leman: Mad that he didn't think of bringing a puppy, but he has the most amazing looking collection of smoked salmon, caviar and preserved fish to offer.
Magnus: his patience is wearing thin, but he still offer a perfectly beautiful robe, that act as an honest to good mood ring and change color depending on the person's aura.
Fulgrim: A painting of himself! Wich is actually a joke, it's just a thin and hand painted decorative paper covering the true gift: a painting of all their family, together. Get called a try hard.
Ferrus: a collection of very pretty crystals and fossils! Wich he arranged in a chocolate box, and explain that those are his favorite flavors.
Angron: A punching bag that even *he* find durable. He made sure of it, by thoroughly testing it before giving it out, wich explain it's used appearance.
I know exactly who gets what..... Yall want to know in a part 2 ;)?
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ladymirdan · 6 months
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Ok so can someone who is up to date on the 40k Lion’s retun lore talk to me? (im gonna get there eventually, I'm just getting sidetracked a lot)
Are Guilliman and the Lion friends? Have they met and if so how did it go?
I've seen a lot of memes of them being friendly and it feels weird, those two have never ever gotten along in the past. So what is the deal and what book do I start with?
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sister-calliope · 5 months
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May I ask you…Is Ruinstorm a fun novel? …I read Angels of Caliban, better said I tried to read Angels of Caliban and….I need some recommendations…please
Ruinstorm is dramatic - it could make a good film with the right visual effects. And we first start to see the Sanguinor become a part of the lore, and Sanguinius really starts to suffer from visions, more so than before. And of course Konrad being the delightful agent of chaos he is. But fun? More angsty if I recall. The main legions/Primarchs confront temptations, more daemons, and outsized Warp insanity. It’s an important part of the storyline for the legions and Primarchs involved but I wouldn’t use the word “fun”.
Have you read the books about Imperium Secundus that come before it & Angels of Caliban?
Because The Unremembered Empire and Pharos are two of my favorite books in the whole series. Those are necessary to understand what’s going on in Angels of Caliban & Ruinstorm. They feature Guilliman/Lion/Sanguinius versus Konrad Curze being Konrad Curze. And two lovely Astartes characters, Alexis Pollux and Barabas Dantioch, their bromance (or more, according to many fans) is really worth reading.
And they’re both fun as hell because the Primarch banter is 🔥🔥
Also, as someone who is a fan of Azkaellon, you will definitely want to read Pharos.
One other thing - I’ve mostly listened to the series on audio books because for years I had a job that required me to commute 4+ hours a day. And the way narrator Jonathan Keeble voices Sanguinius is just absolute perfection.
@dese-o thank you for the ask!! Hope this is helpful in some way!
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tagedeszorns · 1 year
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Aaaaand last batch of Chibi-Primarchs!
I'm done!
Well, almost. One guy left to go. You know who. No, not Lucius (I should do Lucius. He would be extra-adorable!).
He'll be the added bonus.
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The not so secret truth none of ya'll are ready to accept and or internalize, including me, is that the dark angels are just 40k's version of bretonnia but trading in the bright colours and fun frenchness for dark colours and protestant guilt complexes.
though if the lion and all dark angels started to speak with ridiculous french accents, atleast I would be happy.
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warhammerbige · 1 year
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Primarchs and if they would share you
It's kinda nsfw because of the meaning, but I don't get into detail.
Loyalists
Roboute Guilliman
He seems the kind to be incredibly loyal and would probably not. Maybe with someone he REALLY REALLY trusts and also ONLY if you're alright with it too.
Sanguinius
He would share you but only with your consent. Also both of you have to approve the person. Talking about it is key.
Rogal Dorn
Yeah he doesn't mind. You're most definitely a human and at best a space marine. You can't be as rough as another primarch and rogal is really into pain.
Corvus Corax
ONLY with his most trusted. Corvus is very social with his Ravens. They indeed do group cuddles and bathe together. If you're not a fan of it he doesn't mind but just you know that you aren't the only one he loves.
Jaghatai Khan
Only when he's there too ;)
Lion El'Johnson
No. Never. Nope. Don't even think about it.
Ferrus Mannus
He's together with fulgrim, you have to share or you stay away. It and will be more partners than just fulgrim also.
Leman Russ
If you don't like poly relationships or sharing then you're at the wrong man. He will share with his wolves and other brothers.
Vulkan
He doesn't need to. He's very loyal. He's happy with one lover but if you want to he won't mind as long as you two talk first.
Traitors
Horus Lupercal
You chose the wrong man if you don't like it. He will share with his boys but he will be incredibly dominant over you still. Will kinda treat you like an object that can be owned.
Lorgar Aurelian
NO. It would hurt his poor heart :(
Perturabo
NO also bt because he's fucking jealous. Nobody really loves him you have to understand.
Mortarion
NEY. BEGONE THOUGHTS. also would feel sad and useless.
Fulgrim
It's Fulgrim. Wrong man if you don't like it. Not only ferrus will be there but often other people too so. Yeah. His libido mad crazy
Konrad Curze
No. Yes. Maybe. no... perhaps. Its hard to say how I think. Mostly no but I think maybe eith some very close or special people maybe. Servatarion has the highest chance
Magnus the Red
Yeah. Only with people he trusts. So don't expect leman.
Angron
No. Also rip that ass in the first place like boy you've started a challenge.
Alpharius Omegon
Yeah. They be sharing with each other so.
Bonus
Emperor of Mankind
NOHOHOHO. It's funny you even thought. You're his and his only. Well malcador could. But he's basically the emperors male wife
Malcador
No also except the emperor. But consent is key.
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tertiusdecimusfilius · 3 months
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tag drop
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jpbradley · 9 months
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Which Primarchs committed tax fraud?
Lorgar claimed tax exempt status as a church. Cited a law from the Age of Strife, rejected after lengthy legal proceedings. Definitely did not instigate the Heresy to avoid paying his substantial fines.
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Sanguinius filled his form wrong. He managed to charm the investigating officer into allowing him to resubmit, but failed to file on the ground that he was murdered by Horus. A small percentage of Blood Angels are, to this day, afflicted with anxiety over an unfiled return.
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Roboute Guilliman 100% knows how to commit tax fraud, and how to get away with it. Of course he does. He's the tax man (Ultramar regional office). Hates Magnus for reasons we'll get to.
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Jaghatai Khan neither knows nor cares what taxes are. The Imperial Revenue took years to track down his address, and after several final demands an investigator visited only to find a lone postbox 300 miles from anywhere, half buried in unopened mail.
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Perturabo failed to declare assets 'inherited' from Ferrus Manus and is currently awaiting a trial date.
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Ferrus Manus has been given dispensation to defer his return for the tax year on the following grounds:
Being dead.
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Lion El'Johnson swears he knows how to commit tax fraud but simply never would. He's lying. He has no idea but would rather walk naked into the Warp than admit it.
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Vulkan keeps fastidious notes through the year which makes him very popular with his accountants. They try to convince him to expense his Drakeskin cloaks but he refuses as he wears them recreationally (despite the Salamander's 'business logo') and doesn't want to get into trouble.
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Fulgrim completed his return, he really did, but it wasn't right. Currently on his cogitator is 'Tax Return 3 FINAL (FINAL!!).tax' unsent.
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Leman Russ vaguely understands that tax is a thing. Thus far nobody can decide if the Space Wolves mix of raucous hospitality and space Viking intimidation towards investigators is a concerted effort to avoid paying or if they're just like that.
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Magnus has all the documentation to prove that he's paid. It's all right there. It makes absolutely no sense and somehow he's owed money? Guilliman is convinced he's full of it but hasn't been able to prove it and is quietly seething.
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Rogal Dorn pays in full and fully hates anyone who doesn't. He grumbles about it to anyone who will listen, usually within earshot of anyone he suspects isn't paying his way. Magnus & Conrad vocally agree with him. Guilliman leaves the room before he says something he'll regret.
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Alpharius definitely submitted a return. Nothing about it looks right, all the numbers are estimates, all the assets are in some kind of code but somehow it's already been stamped as accepted.
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Konrad Curze also vocally hates anyone who doesn't pay up. Secretly he hasn't paid in years. He is beyond the pretty laws of 'taxes' and with everyone focused on Lorgar, Perturabo and Magnus he's just slipped through the cracks, which he has taken as a silent endorsement.
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Corvus Corax wants to pay tax. He’s tried to pay tax. He’s sent several returns to the Imperial Revenue and still they haven’t taken the money. He’s beginning to get worried. He needn’t be. They have quite simply forgotten he exists and it's gone on too long for them to admit their mistake.
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Mortarion pays but hates everything about it. He thinks it's a personal slight and is convinced he is paying more than everyone else. He's right. This makes his whining no less annoying.
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Angron had taxes explained to him once and ol' Rusty's sacrifice is why Imperial Revenue officers can wear jeans on Fridays. Since then the IR has practiced a bold 'hands off' approach with the World Eaters, proving that violence is sometimes an answer.
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Horus absolutely pays his taxes. In Horusbux: A currency of his own devising. Lorgar attempted to trick Horus into a ponzi scheme, now all of his money is in Horusbux and he has no idea how it happened. Horus keeps on promising everyone massive returns, usually from the deck of his waryacht, the Live Forever II.
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cursed-40k-thoughts · 6 months
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Catnip absolutely works on Lion El'Johnson
He was down and out for 10,000 years because Luther detonated a nip grenade on him, and he’s spent the whole time laying comatose on the floor with his arms and legs in the air, eyes open. It’s taken millennia for the Watchers to carefully remove every fragmented shred of catnip from his person.
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wolf-tail · 4 months
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Inspired by this post, I've decided to propose a list of hypothetical Primarch fursonas.
Lion El'Johnson: Call me uncreative but it's all in the name. Lion.
Fulgrim: Reticulated python, but the kind specially bred for iridescent scales. Beautiful, dangerous, carefully curated for perfection.
Perturabo: I'm actually stumped here. Open to suggestions.
Jaghatai Khan: Couldn't decide between horse and eagle, so we'll go with hippogriff.
Leman Russ: Basic Bitch #2: Wolf.
Rogal Dorn: Polar bear. Big, dangerous, from a hostile ice environment, white hair.
Konrad Curze: Bat, specifically little brown bat, one of the lil cute fuckers.
Sanguinius: Trumpeter Swan. Beautiful, elegant bird that will absolutely fuck you up if you piss it off.
Ferrus Manus: Scaly-foot gastropod. Weird ass snail that grows iron scales and lives in undersea volcanoes.
Angron: Quokka. Gentle, docile, cute face structured in such a way that it's impossible for it to frown. Everything Angron was made to be but wasn't.
Roboute Guilliman: Domestic bull. Cattle are very...practical animals, if that makes sense. Widespread, useful, strong. Were often used as currency in ancient times. Deceptively "boring", cute as fuck. Sounds like our boy, and we all know how much he likes farms. Moo moo motherfucker.
Magnus the Red: We're going all out on the Egyptian imagery here folks. A gryphon, but with 2 very specific component animals. The sacred ibis is associated with Thoth, a god of wisdom and knowledge. They are also nasty little trash goblins that will raid your dumpster. Barbary lions were associated with kingship, also hair floofy. And fuck it, throw some snakes scales in there too, as Heka, the Egyptian god most strongly associated with magic, had a connection to serpents.
Mortarion: As you can tell, my indecisive ass loves hybrid sonas. Turkey vulture, not traditionally pretty, eats gross and yucky things, so important yet so undervalued. Good sense of smell, especially for a bird. Thematic association with death. Broad diet and adapts well to lots of environments. Spanish moon moth, bug with pretty green and black wings.
Corvus Corax: His name is literally the scientific name for common raven. If it aint't broke, don'y fix it.
Vulkan: Fire salamander/gila monster.
Lorgar: Domestic sheep. The "lamb of God" imagery was too strong. But he's a ram now, angry AF with horns to match.
Horus: Domestic dog. Friendly, charismatic, intelligent, loyal. But can turn on you, given the right circumstances. He'd a mutt, the unnervingly perfect spotty, floppy eared mutt, the "Fido" of an idealized heterosexual white suburban family unit, pickett fence and 2.5 kids. So perfect you can just tell that something is off.
Alpharius and Omegon: Planarian flatworm. You know why.
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relax-and-read-on · 2 years
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What your favorite primarch say about you:
Lion: You are either a cis straight man on reddit, or you have access to books that I don't. Who are you. I fear you.
Leman: You will HOTLY defend that mess of a man. It usually descend into "yes but he's cool/hot >:("
Angron: You have a ACAB sticker on your old beat up car. You have knowledge beyond mere mortals. I trust you when the revolution come.
Lorgar: Heeey how is that religious trauma going? Think he was 100% right in fucking off to chaos.
Roboute: This is either your first day here, or you have circled all the way back, and reached enlightenment. You are either 12 or trying to pay your mortage.
Rogal: Neurodivergent friend!! Ok so I know it's annoying if the minis are not perfectly align pre-game, but you have to let it go, I worry about your blood pressure.
Konrad: He would kill you and you would thank him. You desperately want to pat his head. No preservation instinct found. Are you empty nesting?
Sanguinius: Soooo tell me about your toxic ex/parent! How are those repressed feelings going?
Horus: This is no ones favorite, you are just lying, or horny for Abaddon.
Ferrus: This is an actual CHOICE a fucking COMMITMENT. I respect you. Cannon has no hold on you. You are more free than all of us.
Fulgrim: You are part of the alphabet mafia, or in the closet. You WILL argue that slaanesh is not just sex drugs and rock and roll, ehile deeply identifying with those aspects.
Jaghatai: You might be kind of a hipster. Like sure, his novel was good, but are you *trying* to go for the obscure one?
Corvus: You are BITTER that your inner goth kid is not more marketed toward. You want more extra angst in you grimdark.
Alpharius Omegon: You are trolling. Or you picked them because you appreciate a good troll. I do not trust you.
Vulkan: You are the mom friend, and so, so fucking tired. You are this close to snapping if someone mention one more burnt child eldar meme.
Mortarion: You will RAGE and WAIL that Morty had it the WORST and he's MISUNDERSTOOD. You also desperately want a nurgling plushie.
Perturabo: Half of you want to fix him. The other want to make him worst. All of you are inexplicably horny for him.
Magnus: You either came here from TTS, Vezimira related content, or for rippling, hot red abs. All of you are nerds. And horny for him.
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ladymirdan · 5 months
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Day 4 of my 40k Advent Calender:
Nemiel/Zahariel & Luther/Lion El’Johnson
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farsight-the-char · 1 year
Conversation
After Guilliman and El'Johnson have their big "Catch-Up" talk
Guilliman, on his couch, surrounded by cans of marine strength meed: "Anything else you want to talk about, Brother."
The Lion, similarly surrounded by booze, but lying on the floor: "I am a homosexual."
Guilliman, giving a thumbs up: "Your bravery in coming out is commendable. Russ owes me a frost weapon."
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tagedeszorns · 2 years
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Victorian Warhammer Alternate Universe - Second batch of the Primarchs.
And here are the texts @sonofdorn-vii wrote for them:
(making a cut because very long post)
Guilliman, the fire-chief Station Officer Guilliman is an exceptional firefighter. A solid rule follower, Young Rob decided not to join his father in the army, instead has devoted himself to helping others. Fire Station Thirteen is run with clockwork efficiency, though his men are occasionally sneered at behind their backs for seeming so eager to please him. When alone, Guilliman laments always feeling late to the party, and wishes perhaps he could be more proactive in preventing disaster from striking in the first place, rather than just cleaning up the mess.
Corvus Known to the authorities only as 'The Raven', Corvus Corax is a wanted man. A coal miner since early childhood in the deepest pits of Yorkshire, Corvus has seen first hand how the class system benefits the rich at the expense of the working poor. After discussion of forming a workers union lead to the murder of his father at the hands of the mine owner, Corvus vowed that the system would change, even if it must be forced to. Since then, he has committed many acts of sabotage; generating fear and disgust among the richest land owners and is wanted by police forces across the Kingdom
Alpharius/Omegon Alpharius Omegon is a poor bootblack, plying his trade on the streets of Cardiff. Good at his job; liked, but unnoticed by most of his wealthy patrons, Alpharius has learned that overheard information is often far more valuable than his physical skill for a man who knows how to use it. Alpharius Omegon is also a wealthy shipping magnate, based in Cardiff Docks, who's uncanny knowledge of his competitor's business dealings have often given him an advantage over them in bidding for contracts. Knowing which rival is addicted to chasing the dragon or who has an unhealthy interest in fresh young cadavers can lead to business opportunities of all kinds...
Lorgar The Very Reverand Lorgar Aurelian is an Anglican minister from the Home Counties. Once a young military padre, he left the service after several tours of Darkest Africa, having seen great and terrible deeds done in the name of the King. His easygoing and approachable manner make him instantly likable, while his small stature leave him unitimidating to those who encounter him. His work with war orphaned boys on the streets of London have earned him many unquestioningly loyal followers, stirred into righteous action by Lorgar's inspiring sermons and prolific writings.
Vulkan Foreman Victor Vulkan runs one if the many forges in the county of South Yorkshire. His affinity with molten metal has lead him to no small fame across the country as a weapons manufacturer, as well as a significant contributor to the railway network of the Kingdom. Young Vulkan was adopted by his father, a Yorkshire Steelworker, from the West Indies and studied in the Steel City of Sheffield. They also travelled together to Essen in the Ruhrgebiet and as far afield as the Empire of Japan learning new and old smithing techniques. His jovial manner and support of his men and their families lead him to aid in the formation of one of the country's earliest Trade Unions. The colour of his skin, unusual in the Kingdom, has lead less enlightened citizens to be wary of him but his booming laugh and kindly nature immediately puts those he encounters at ease...
Lion Mr Lionel Johnson hails from the ex colony of North America. His blonde hair, dazzling white smile and genial manner make him a perfect guest at dinner parties this season. When you're noticed by 'The Lion' it feels like the sun is shining on your face, like you're the only one in the room. His tales of the West are fascinating to Europeans, earning him much attention and favour with the stuffy British establishment, however HIS part in these tales is always unclear. He wears a pair of six shooters on his hips and those lucky enough to witness a demonstration are dumbfounded by his superb skill. Some say he is late of the US Cavalry, and learned his trade hunting Natives for sport, some say he's a small town Sheriff, used to being the Law wherever he goes. Where he actually acquired these weapons and the affinity he has with them is a question of much debate in Society, however his real past is currently cloaked in mystery...
Perturabo Perturabo is a prussian architect of astounding skill. His cathedrals and palaces cover the Kingdom and beyond, preferred of all the aristocracy of Europe. His wonderous creations however belie his cold and calculating mind. His visions, though of great beauty, are the product of his intense desire to be recognised as the best in his field, serving only his own advancement. The artistry involved is merely a tool to be used, a way of gaining recognition. He feels nothing for his creations, most of them he's never seen beyond the drawing board, discarding as many as one in ten as substandard to his exacting specifications. His ultimate goal is unclear, but his need to ingratiate himself with the elite of Europe, by any means necessary, is a powerful motivator...
Khan Jaghatai Khan claims to have the fastest ships in the known world. Marked with his personal Lightning Sigil, his cutters ship linen from India, ink from China and coffee from the West Indies at record breaking speeds. Using his considerable resources, Jaghatai can import the best feeds and supplements to support his other passion; horse racing. From imbibing ginger to twitches made from whalebone, he'll try anything to make his horses faster. A thoroughbred from his own personal stables, White Scar, will compete against the King's horse, Custodian, at Cheltenham in the spring. Little is known about how a poor boy from the steppes of Asia became one of the most powerful Trade Envoys in the world, but any that meet him are immediately charmed by his amiable nature. Generous with time and coin, the Great Khan, as he's named in quiet whispers, has made quite the impression in Society circles, even catching the eye of a certain notorious Viscount on occasion...
Mortarion Timothee Mortarion is a respiratory specialist at St Barts in London. After his brother died of complications due to Asthma, young Mortarion dedicated his life to science. Using cutting edge (literally) methods, the serious young doctor has developed techniques using inhalation of various aerosolised substances to strengthen and enhance the lungs of many young homeless patients. His success rate is the cause of some debate in the medical community however, his cures seem to kill as many unfortunates as they save...
I'll repost the first batch with their texts (not all of them have texts, since we started giving them backstories a while after I began drawing. but I'm sure my wonderful wordsmith-friend will write something up for the missing ones, too).
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