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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 5 hours

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memento mori

(unfiltered version under cut)

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 3 days

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no one really, there were warp predators hanging about like the enslaves but they quite literally just were warp inhabiting xenos back then. The orks were probably the closest to 'the big threat', but even then it was in a 'those fucking assholes' kinda way as opposed to an existential threat.

really you could say the imperiums biggest problem back then was the imperium, as it own decaying institutions and brutal repression of its own citizens leaving whenever the fuck they could. The eye of terror back then was just space that was temporarily cut off for large chunks of time and which people lived free of the imperiums rule and which the imperium despised.

Sorry I was going through your blog and saw a post about the female custodes, but you also mentioned that Horus was just a dude, was he not originally a Primarch?

Nope. The original iteration of Horus was a human general. Also, Abaddon was the fabricator general of Mars.

Chaos wasn’t even supposed to be a thing in 40k, originally, and didn’t get content until the mid to late 90s. Prior to that, there weren’t even traitor legions. The Horus Heresy was barely a plot point.

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 5 days

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listen

it would not be mortarion if his intelligence stat wasn't vastly higher then his bottom of the barrel wisdom stat.

it also wouldn't be mortarion if he wasn't cursed to roll critical failures on every decision he makes.

my sweet, sweet, fuckin dumbass boy.

The Buried Dagger 1

OKAY mortarion time ….i forgot this was the book with purple prose and i had to go back in terror to make sure I didn't accidentally buy a McNeill novel again i did not, this is thankfully (?) someone else

I'm trying to figure out what about this pushes it into "Wow Edgy" rather than being genuinely compelling well actually this isn't too bad, to be honest, it's really the next bit which is that the population of ynyx (and WHAT a name) doesn't have mouths "the cold ember of his familiar, obdurate resentment" I feel like I'm being unfair to the book by feeling bathos instead of pathos but i think it's that everything is so over the top

wait what year was this written Mortarion is literally breathing in the chemicals 2019 I'm now going to suffer from the belief that the writer of this was listening to Radioactive (due to this plus some other things) and now I've got it stuck in my head

i want to take this seriously but i just can't, I'm sorry no one understands meeeeeeeee owo uncomfortable memory surfaces

i will say this, the prose is quite evocative

ok so mort has a giant chip on his shoulder and is an enormous misanthrope but just about every single person who has ever been in a position of authority over him DOES just use him as a tool

boy did he choose the wrong side of the war

tumblr has poisoned my mind regarding "the horrors" so it feels like "every day mortarion gets emails" mortarion: hm maybe i should get rid of the daemon and also all the stuff i used to summon him and go back to normal warfare

holy shit holy shit he really is his father's son also hey uhhh mortarion do you remember that whole slippery slope speech you gave at Nikaea about literally this exact topic

the irony is killing me you're killing me, Reaper of Men, and I'm not even a man the manreaper of….justice (????) is unisex oh yeah i forgot to bring it up but Mort calling Magnus an "arrogant braggant" fills my salty soul with glee

morty continues to try out for that fantasy villain role i think i'm warming up to the prose though

im breathing in the chemicals- im breathing in the chemicals- im breathing in the chemicals-

i think swallow's cd kept skipping while he wrote this

this is the third time he's breathed in the chemicals

it's totally not a ritual, honest! okay, this is a cool fight scene mortarion can be cool in a fight, as a treat

lmao

yes. this is funny to me. Mortarion is just so done with this whole thing Mort: why did i get sent on this sidequest rip typhon killstealing

mortarion would really like to be starring in a different genre oh no cursed idea my thought was "what genre would be funniest to put him in" which was followed by "this is our get-along harem protagonist" but it's mort and rob idk at the end of godblight they got yeeted my next thought was magical girl anime he's the dark magical girl's mascot creature he is having friendship! just hdu call him and the magical girl friends

typhon plotting out how to ambush mortarion with a hug

uhhhhhh

typhon: yeahhhh better not bring up the Fallen honestly typhon feels like one of the most intelligent characters in the series! ….huh why weren't the dark angels at Terra

dude and then typhon internally cackles evilly like a kids show villain everything is going according to keikaku does your brain on nurgle turn you into snidely whiplash?

Mortarion what the heck

normal behaviour to go along with the poison drinking or breathing in the chemicals and breathing in the chemicals- and breathing in the okay i'll stop

literally everyone on the ship is choking but typhon that was fast owo flashback time

okay so his evil dad (the first one) sent him out with golems to fight other golem things from other evil overlords as a test of some kind this is just his entire life, huh

oh lovely like wow the only reason mortarion's alive is that he's a primarch the abuse is kind of getting to ridiculous angst-fic levels and yet the way it's written is genuinely compelling? probably because he's not actually a normal human so it is survivable and not ridiculous but it is kind of walking on that line thrown to starving dogs when he was a toddler like

this really is his entire life huh

annnnd also Necare experimented on him with poison what next did necare give him a dog and then kill the dog in front of him we're starting to get into bathos here

the last bit of this scene is, yeahh

a bit. on the overwrought side.

The book is tap dancing on the line which is to be honest, making me sad i really want this to be good :/

if it's going to go all the way into goofy, i want it to go all the way so i can mock it if it's going to be half hard hitting and half goofy it feels like im pulling back to punch a small child this book also unfortunately has some kind of subplot on earth with a bunch of rando characters and also, unfortunately, Garro

oh this is i guess foreshadowing for what's going to happen to the death guard? so garro's friend got hit by an evil knife and unlike guilliman he did not have plot armour

so garro is working with a bunch of other dudes who defected from the traitor legions secretly working for malcador oh, and a psyker ultramarine

oh wait psyker ultramarine met garro on calth??? what??? how did he get to calth and back what is a timeline (i should be fair and stop banging on about this since i have not actually read the relevant books. at least I assume this has to be covered in a book I didn't read)

oh yeah sure let's undress the catatonic chained up woman oh she's a sister of silence my beloved

okay so context she had her name and serial number tattooed under her collarbone so. i guess that was more important??? apparently??? they did not take off the chains they just snapped them off of the wall and basically pushed her to start walking you couldn't just. pick her up??? wouldn't that be faster?? okay this was funny malcador sends an illusion of himself across the planet

I'm rolling my eyes

this is the guy running the imperium

does he have nothing better to do also why give them the job in the first place if he's not going to trust them not to "creatively reinterpret" his commands

oh we're back with Teen Mort and he keeps a diary ohhh a bunch of humans are rebelling and attacking

oh it's Teen Typhon meeting Teen Mort

psychic powers time

this is not the time to get angsty also he is kind of a grimdark rapunzel huh

back in the present and apparently mort broods a lot in his room and if you interrupt him he yells at you because of course he does you're interrupting his linkin park listening bluejay note: i love linkin park so i am allowed to make this joke annnd typhon is setting up the navigators on the ship to take the blame oh he just killed them all that was fast and now they're all trapped blind in the warp and typhon is being obviously evil and according to keikaku which is visible to everyone but Mort well tbf to Mort, he's very angry at Typhon for killing the navigators so he's probably missing stuff

typhon: this lifeboat is full of leeches just trust me typhon: throws it overboard

back in the past, Mort successfully rescues the spunky teens but his dad is coming so he tells them to get out while they can and then has his disney princess song realization that it's time to stand up for himself and he'd do it all again! and face his dad! and dieeeee okay the last bit isn't disney princess …ah

ah mort: wait, that's an option??? rip his hair is getting in his eyes i hate when that happens

okay this is a cheesy line but it's working here

okay i made the joke before about mortarion being the kind of guy who likes to stand on cliffs/balcony edges and look down but i DIDNT KNOW IT WAS LITERALY DONT STARE INTO THE WARP YOU IDIOT

i. oh boy we get to see an emperor-mort interaction

i think the emperor is….actually trying here? but what the emperor is trying to say here is not what mort took from it

#he really was doing the xanthite inquisitor speedrun before the inquisition was even a thing huh #thats how i tend to view it anyways #among various other things

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 9 days

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Mortarion has done many things wrong in his life, but we love him and his hypocritical paranoid delusional breakdown over the course of the heresy ass anyways.

A Thousand Sons Conclusion

Conclusions:

-Mortarion has done absolutely nothing wrong in his life, ever (except the war crimes) -I kind of want to write a really, really weird FSN fusion fic now -McNeill needs to be thrown into horse plinko and made to drink respect women juice (he can join Urobuchi) -did i get my money's worth? well. hm. i learned many lessons from this book. we can say that.

Tomorrow if I have time I'll do...Horus Rising. Technically I read Scars after ATS but I didn't do the full reaction to it like I think I did for Horus Rising. Maybe a single post for Scars? Or maybe I should wait until I reread it and then do it properly....

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 9 days

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Meme Archive belongs to the Adeptus Memeticus

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 14 days

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... dont forget to spay and neuter your space marines folk.

Yesterday I got a message by this guy saying "here's why Space Marines don't have 🏀🏀"

And I quote:

"basically their 🏀🏀 shapes into completely different organs which are then cut off and cultivated to extract the gene-seed"

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 15 days

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Female Custodes Headpats

by Eliphusz

#shes off to have a good time with her sister of silence “meditation pal”#and then shes gonna help a “sister” of silence clean those “deep cracks” around the emperors throne

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 15 days

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YESSSSSS. UPFRONT CONFIRMATION

Ah, the Custodes superiority continues

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 15 days

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gotta keep the dommy mommy custodes and the lady substodes happy somehow. why else would whips be such an important part of their kits, for catching psykers? no. they're multi purpose.

So like. The Sisters of Silence being prodigiously good at lesbianism makes even more sense now, right?

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 27 days

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The Lord of the Death Full quality on my Patreon Get it as a Print

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 27 days

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So Britain but its invader zims setting.

An isekai to warhammer 40k, but you just wake up in the forever box.

Would that be fucked up or what?

Most of the Isekai stuff I’ve seen has been fucked up anyway, so yes, it would, but it wouldn’t be special

Also y’know, if you’re into sensory deprivation tanks, it could be cool

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 1 month

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look at the lads having a grand ol time.

ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! ORKS!

I had fun redesigning Orks so they’re algae tardigrade aliens instead of green muscle guys.

Most things about them are the same green boyz we love, but now they photosynthesize and can survive any condition in a tun state - extra unkillable bastards.

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 1 month

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 1 month

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Mortarion & Vorx

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 1 month

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I do agree that at the least blowing up Terra would, in theory, be a good way of unsticking 40k from its imperium bias. So much of the setting is catered around ensuing Terra survives after all as part of that bias.

Someone on r/40KLore just asked how would the community personally kill Abaddon if the Writers called for it.

How would YOU kill Ezekyle "Totally Not Horus 2.0" Abaddon the Despoiler?

I would, personally, like Khârn, Typhus, Ahriman and Lucius to team up like unwashed power rangers (because they/their gods get sick of him for WAKING UP THE EMPEROR) and decide that Abaddon and the Ezekarion need to go. So, you get the marked chaos legions vs the Black Legion, and it culminates in a 1v4 where Abaddon is eventually killed, but not before he runs Lucius through with the Talon, and finds touching him so beneath him that it actually kills Lucius properly.

But, that is my personal and fanciful silly idea, and I acknowledge some people like Abaddon, so… probably not that.

Maybe he could get a fleet all the way to Terra, and goes out by personally piloting the Venegful Spirit into the golden throne and blowing out the warp drives after a colossal battle that has primarchs showing up to do battle and all that stuff. Skirmish of Terra, but Abaddon wins, proves his conviction to his cause when he realises he’s going to die, and forces the Imperium into a new age of survival. Him ordering everyone who wants to evacuate to do so, but having the remaining Ezekarion and a surprising number of people stay by his side would be a neat micromoment in the whole thing, too. To show how much of the Black Legion are committed to his goals. So, he dies surrounded by loyal soldiers, master of his ship, blowing up the Emperor’s corpse and the astronomican while the chaos gods scream at him to stop because they aren’t done with him.

I don’t particularly like him, but I think it’s the coolest sort of death I could give him, and it would also massively shake up how the Imperium-centric setting conducts itself. On paper, anyway.

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 1 month

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Morty~ I heard he has hair now

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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 1 month

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more moth

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