#LET JASPER LIVE UP TO HIS TERRIFYING POTENTIAL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writing-on-the-wahl · 1 year

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Dai Discovers Part 1: Happy Dai

A/N: Hi hi friends! Just a couple important things to know going in: First, this series is about Dai, a half mage/half Dragon who’s been hibernating for a LONG time and has just woken up in the modern world.😇 Second, the wolves and mages in the region are on the brink of war.😈

(For more on my version of Dragons, see this world building post)

Vincent:

I frowned as I crossed out an entire paragraph of text from the document I’d been editing for hours, wishing the Elders hadn’t felt the need to insert their opinions into my negotiations with the mages.

Now not only were they insisting we uphold the ancient tradition that a treaty was only credible if accompanied by a marriage between the two sides, they wanted to include all of the wolves’ ancient marriage traditions as well. I’d agree to marry under the light of the full moon, but there was no way I would be wearing a four foot tall headpiece.

I just wanted our people to stop fighting each other. Why did everyone have to make it so complicated?

I glanced longingly at the slit of night sky visible through the crack in the heavy hotel curtains, but there was no time for even a quick jaunt in the moonlight.

Tomorrow morning the leaders of all the mages and wolves in the region would gather for the official opening of the peace summit, the meeting where I would see for the first time the mage who’d agreed to marry me to seal the treaty between our people.

My future wife had arrived at the hotel mere hours ago. Simon and Tori had seen her enter with her brother, Lord Jasper, but she’d been bundled in so many hooded layers the only description they’d been able to give was “average height and reeked of gold.”

Sighing, I turned back to the long list of potential stipulations for the treaty. The next one was a heavy paragraph outlining how the mages must provide a volunteer to live with and perform spells at our bidding. I rolled my eyes and reached for my pen. The mages made their livelihood by providing their magical services for a fee, why would any of them ever agree to offer them for free?

I was crossing out the ridiculous stipulation when the door to the hotel room beeped open.

I stayed bent over the thick document, making a note in the margins. “What is it, Daman?”

“We think she ran, sir.”

My head shot up. “How do you know?”

The quiet blond shifted uncomfortably. “Well, sir, we’ve been keeping an eye on their hallway like you ordered and, well, the shower is still on.”

I raised a brow. “And?’

“It’s just well, we heard it turn on at seven.”

I checked my watch.

9:17

I ran a hand through my hair. “You think she climbed out the bathroom window, 13 stories up?”

Daman shrugged. “They did say she was half Dragon.” That didn’t mean she had wings.

Did she truly consider a 13 story drop less terrifying than me? Was it this marriage of alliance or the treaty itself that she was more opposed to? I closed my eyes at the thought of this treaty failing, and was assaulted by the vivid memory of acrid smoke and ash-filled air. The charred remnants of Aiza’s house crumbling around me.

I refused to let one mage’s trepidation destroy everything I’d been working for. I would not let my people fall to this senseless violence. I was halfway to the elevator before I made the conscious decision to move. Daman trailed behind me.

“And the other mages?” I pressed. Surely they hadn’t all fled.

“None of the other mages were brave enough to book rooms in the same hotel as us,” Daman reminded me. “They’re all across the street. So we didn’t have to worry about being caught spying.” Daman added, and I recalled that the mage lord had been surprisingly unconcerned about staying alone a mere elevator ride away from a company of wolves.

Samuel met us as the elevator opened on the 13th floor, the scowl on his face carrying into his gruff words. “It’s still running.”

I led the way to room 1307. The doors were placed farther apart on this floor—luxury suites. We passed 1310, and even with the thick walls, it was easy for my sharpened sense of hearing to pick up the dialogue of the movie playing in the room. In 1309 a mother hushed a fussing baby, the sound rising over the low snores of a second child.

The front desk had offered to upgrade my party to this VIP floor at no charge, but I was content with our double set of rooms on the second floor. I liked knowing I could jump off the balcony if I needed a quick exit.

Slowing to a stop outside another identical polished dark wood door, I cocked my head to the side and listened.

But no voices came from 1307.

Just the constant white noise of the running shower, and the faintest traces of background music. Like a TV left on at its lowest volume.

My fist connected with the door a little too loudly, my tapping foot continuing the impatient beat as I waited for the door to swing open. A long moment passed.

I knocked again, louder.

No response.

It was strange. Worrying. Lord Jasper should have been in the room as well. He’d been less than thrilled to offer up his sister as a sacrificial lamb, and tension coiled within me at the thought of him secreting her away.

“No one left the room?” I confirmed as I pounded my fist against the door once more.

Daman shook his head. “We’ve had eyes on it all night.”

It had been easy with no other mages around to catch us spying. I’d been secretly pleased when I learned they’d be staying somewhere else, though in truth, Lord Jasper had looked nearly happy when the other mages had announced their intention to stay in the sister hotel across the road. His reaction baffled me at the time, because it hinted at either a misplaced willingness to trust his enemies or an over exaggerated confidence in his power. Neither of which matched my initial impression of the leader of the mages.

In our interactions thus far, the mage lord had appeared to be level-headed and optimistic. Which hinted at ulterior reasons for wanting to be separate from the others.

At the moment, I didn't much care what his motives were, I just wanted him to answer the door.

They were both gone? If so, there would definitely be no peace treaty.

What if he’d planned to sneak his sister out? Perhaps that was why he’d chosen to stay in this hotel. It could have been his plan all along.

Hot anger flared in my chest and I rammed my shoulder into the door. Wood splintered and metal bent as the door flew open at the force of the blow. Across the room, Lord Jasper bolted to his feet, pulling his large headphones down around his neck. The peaceful--yet loud--instrumentals of the Planet Earth theme song filled the room in sharp contrast to the tension hanging in the air.

A quick touch to the headphones and the music cut off abruptly.

The typically cheerful mage eyed me, and I wondered what sort of picture I made-- standing uninvited in his hotel room, my two best warriors hovering in the cracked door frame behind me.

“Vincent.” His eyes flitted to the bathroom door, opposite his position in front of the couch. His fingers twitched but his voice was steady as he ignored our violent entry. “Our meeting is set for nine in the morning.”

It was a gracious statement, a way to let me back down without losing face. There was a small noise from the bathroom, and the shower cut off.

“Jasper?” The warm, gentle voice resonated through the door.

The mage’s eyes bobbed between the door and the imposing wolves. “Yes?”

“I heard voices. Do we have visitors?” The words were tinted with the timbre of a language too old for names.

“I-No. They were just leaving?” He shot a questioning glance my way.

I remained where I stood, confused but pleasantly surprised at the excitement in her words. Up until this moment, my future wife had been an impersonal figurehead to stand at my side and ensure peace between our people. I hadn’t allowed myself the luxury of hoping for anything more than that. Now I lingered in the calm left behind the warm voice, strangely impatient to meet its owner.

Though if any of the elders were here they’d be yapping about breaches in tradition and not seeing my betrothed until the official introductions.

Jasper’s shoulders stiffened and he kept his eyes on me as he reluctantly called to his sister, “Would you like to greet them?”

“Yes!”

The enthusiastic answer made Jasper sigh.

“One minute! Don’t let them leave!!”

I had been so distracted by the rich timbre and heavy accent of the girl behind the door I’d forgotten the reason for my impulsive entry.

She was obviously still here. I should have taken the exit Jasper offered. But it was too late to back down, and a part of me was glad of the opportunity to meet she-of-the-beautiful-voice.

I eyed the broken doorway regretfully. Not the first impression I’d wanted to make.

Jasper let out another sigh. “Allow me.”

I caught his careful wording as clattering sounded from behind the bathroom door, reminding me she could hear just as much as us.

I dipped my head in gratitude and stepped to the side as the mage carefully crossed through the kitchen and approached the doorway. His hands flew through the air, blue light illuminating his fingers in a soft glow as he made the intricate mage symbols and then ran his finger along the cracked door and splintered frame. A moment later, Jasper closed the perfect door.

He’d barely done so when the bathroom door whipped open and a cloud of steam filled the room. Daman let out a cough and Samuel fanned the air in front of his face, trying to clear his field of vision.

“Ohhh sorry, sorry!” The steam vanished just as quickly as it had come, leaving behind the Lady Daiiryn Rensalus, my future wife.

If someone had asked me to pick Lord Jasper’s Dragon half-sister out of a hundred people, she would have been my last guess.

It wasn’t just that she looked nothing like her brother. While he was golden haired and tan, her hair was several shades lighter; her skin several shades darker.

Jasper the Mage Lord looked a dozen times more like a fierce Dragon of legend. His features were sharp and eyes cunning. Her features were soft, eyes wide and bright, hair a mass of damp waves that messily framed her round face.

Her hands had fallen back to her sides after completing whatever spell she’d cast to dissipate the steam, and I was briefly distracted by the too-long sleeves of the oversized pink pajama shirt completely enveloping her fingers, along with the matching bottoms that were rolled up and bunched around her ankles. They looked like the type of soft but cheap material you’d find in a superstore, though I couldn’t imagine how Lord Jasper had managed to get her size that utterly wrong.

She looked about as dangerous as a fluffy white kitten, but I had no doubt her claws would be just as sharp.

“Hello!” Her voice was rich, and her face filled with genuine delight. I’d just broken into their hotel room under the assumption she’d run away from our arranged marriage in terror, and she was looking at me like I’d just bought her a puppy.

Lord Jasper crossed quickly to her side. “Gentleman, allow me to introduce my sister, Lady Daiiryn Ren--”

Her quick elbow to the side had Lord Jasper doubled over, clutching his ribs. “Dai!” She stepped forward, roughly shoving her hair out of her face before extending her hand to me. “I’m Dai.”

I stared at her hand, then glanced back at Lord Jasper, who had recovered enough to straighten. When he’d been reluctant to involve his sister, I’d assumed she was a timid, fragile thing, and that, perhaps, he was ashamed of her.

“I thought you said people now shake hands rather than bowing…” She’d followed my gaze to her brother, and she was glaring at him with as much force as a kitten gazing at a laser beam that was just out of reach.

“They do?” Lord Jasper’s breaths were still coming in pained wheezes, and I made a mental note to avoid the Lady Kitten’s deadly elbows. Lord Jasper seemed torn between glaring at his sister for the elbow and staring at me like I was an imbecile for not shaking her hand.

I jumped forward, catching Lady Daiiryn’s still outstretched hand in mine. “Forgive me, my lady, I was too distracted by your beauty to obey proper social customs.”

WHAT. IN THE WORLD. DID I. JUST SAY.

Then to make matters worse, I brought her fingers to my lips and kissed them.

All the dignity and pride I carried as leader of the largest wolf territory on the continent vanished faster than the steam from the shower, and I was struck with the desire to find a nice dark hole to go die in.

Behind me, Daman smothered a cough, and the lady in question’s eyebrows rose until they disappeared into her hair. She slowly withdrew her hand from mine. Her hands both rose to cover her mouth.

“Oh that was nearly quite perfect!” She whirled to face Lord Jasper. “Jaz, did you teach him that?”

Jaz shot me a look before smiling at his sister. “No. I imagine he simply wanted to make you feel more at home.”

“It was quite like something Lord Midan once said to me, do you recall? At the ba--” She trailed off, turning back to me. I wondered if all the spinning was making her dizzy.

“Forgive me, I didn’t give you a chance to introduce yourselves!”

A deep feeling of dread welled up at the possibility her friendliness was only because she did not know who I was.

But then she leaned to the side and offered the wolves behind me a tiny wave. “If you’re Lord Vincent’s men, I should know you.” Her bright smile turned on me. Lord Vincent, would you be so kind as to introduce me to your companions?”

I stared at her for a moment as relief washed away the panicked adrenaline, too grateful she knew who I was to explain that I wasn’t really a ‘lord’ of anything.

Lady Daiiryn blinked expectantly up at me, and I jolted out of my thoughts enough to answer her question. “Yes. My companions.” I cleared my throat and gestured to my two best fighters. “This is Samuel and Daman.”

I froze in place as the Lady Kitten stepped around me, her arm brushing mine in the narrow entry as she warmly shook hands with my bewildered men. “Lord Daman, Lord Samuel, what a pleasure to meet you.”

From a tactical standpoint, the move was a dangerous one. Placing herself in the middle of potential enemies while cutting herself off from her brother. Yet the cheerful Dragon didn’t seem to notice. Her brother, however, stood stiffly, hands flexed at his sides, as though preparing to cast a spell.

The tension in the room ratcheted up a thousand degrees as the small Dragon placed herself in the midst of the wolves. I stepped sideways, turning so I had a clear view of both siblings.

The sister froze, her hand still clasped in Daman’s, finally sensing the building tension in the room.

“Ohsa.” The word came out a voiceless breath on a sigh, the verbal equivalent of a heavy eye roll. Without turning from Daman, whose hand she released after giving it a little pat, Lady Daiiryn--Dai-- continued, “Jasper, brother dear, If they came here to kill us, they would have tried already.”

Samuel raised a hand to cover his snort of surprise while Lord Jasper meaningfully eyed the newly fixed door frame. “Just being cautious, sister dear.”

Dai finally turned around, a tiny smirk on her pink lips. “I believe the word you're looking for is ‘overprotective.’”

Lord Jasper shook his head. “It is well within my rights, little sister.”

She snorted, though her eyes danced with amusement. “Perhaps I should be the one being cautious then, little brother.”

“I’m at least three hands taller than you.”

“And I’m at least three years older than you.”

Daman, Samuel, and I watched the exchange, our heads bobbing back and forth like spectators at a tennis match.

“Well, they will just have to forgive me for being overprotective of my only remaining family member.” Jasper met my gaze as he said it.

Dai shook her head and shifted so she faced me, though it was her brother she addressed. “If you’re done with the not-subtle threats, perhaps we can get to why my betrothed is here tonight instead of in the morning?”

Ah.

Jasper, Samuel and Daman all scrambled to speak at once.

“He mixed up the time?”

“--was too excited to meet you?”

“--needed to borrow some milk?”

Every head in the room turned to look at Daman as he trailed off.

Somehow his excuse made Jasper and Samuel’s seem absurd as well.

One pale eyebrow rose, though the pink lips beneath it were quirked up in poorly concealed amusement. “And does one typically break down the door to borrow milk?”

Of course I hadn't been lucky enough to have the shower block out the sound of our crashing entrance to her Dragon’s hearing.

“I thought you’d run away.”

The admission spilled from my mouth and I jammed my lips shut. I hadn’t meant to say it that bluntly.

“Why?” She looked bewildered. But not, to my relief, offended.

“The shower was on.”

“Yes?” Her brows drew together, an adorable pucker between them.

“For two hours.” Samuel cut in.

Her eyes lightened. “I know! And the water was hot the whole time!” Her oversized sleeves slipped down to her elbows as she held up wrinkled fingers for display. “They look like prunes!”

I looked up from her in time to see Daman and Samuel exchange a glance behind her back.

“It’s just--” I made my voice gentle, suddenly afraid to hurt this enthusiastic ball of energy. “People usually don’t shower for hours at a time.”

“Oh?” She looked utterly baffled at that, and I found myself scrambling for an explanation that wouldn’t cast judgment on her bathing habits- which were definitely none of my business.

“We thought you turned it on to mask the sound of you leaving.” As I spoke, I realized I was admitting we’d been spying on them, but neither sibling looked surprised.

“Oh!” The sound was brighter. A flash of intelligence sparked in her eyes, but there was no malice as she cheerfully accepted my explanation. “No, I’m still here!”

She smiled widely, as though she was happy to be here, happy to be marrying me, rather angry or dismayed at being woken from years of hibernation and forced to accept the hand of a stranger--an enemy--to stop a war she wasn’t a part of.

The air filled with silence after her proclamation. Before I could think of a way to express my relief that she was, well, the way she was, her head cocked to the side. I recognized the motion, and now that I was paying attention, I could hear a set of footsteps making their way down the hall, so I wasn’t surprised by the ratatat-tat at the door.

Lord Jasper jumped forward with a tense look at his sister. “I’ll get it.” His pinched expression showed more concern than it had when we’d broken down his door, and I subtly shifted my jacket to make it easier to draw my weapon.

The smell of teriyaki chicken and sauteed vegetables wafted into the room as Lord Jasper opened the door and accepted two large bags of takeout from a gangly delivery boy.

Dai stepped up to my side as I straightened my jacket. The mirth dancing in her eyes told me she hadn't missed the movement. “Would you like to eat with us?”

____

Special thanks to @im-a-wonderling for all her amazing insights and edits! Love you seester!

Taglist:

UM do I need a separate taglist for fantasci? Maybeeee?!? Haha comment/reblog with your requests to be added to my fantasci taglist.

#dai discovers #happy dai #dai the dragon #fantasci tumblr #marriage of alliance #arranged marriage trope #fluff #It really is just wait #guys just wait for all the things that dai is going to discover #fantasci writing community #fantasci snippet #fantasci

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flowerslut · 5 years

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hello! random question but i have read a lot of jalice fics lately (love cotn and your new one btw!!) and while i love the whole 'tortured jasper he can feel everyone's thirst bc of his gift' thing, there are some things that i feel like don't really count as emotions so he shouldn't be able to feel them per se (ie: thirst tbh, being lied to, betrayal). haven't read the books for a loooong time so idk if meyer ever went further into detail. but would love to see what u (and whoever else) think!

thank you! I’m glad you like my stories!

unpopular opinion or whatever but I actually don’t like the “Jasper can feel everyone’s thirst” theory. like… at all. it doesn’t make sense. literally. thirst isn’t an emotion.

it’s a cool concept for head canons and fan fictions and all but it makes no sense in canon. I know people use that as an excuse as to why he’s bad at self-control around humans but I personally think we should just leave it at “he’s bad at it because he lived as a murder machine for the better part of a century and consumed so much human blood that humans will only ever look like oversized capri-suns to him”

like, let Jasper have his poor self-control and move on. jasper being the most vampiric of the Cullens makes him a more interesting character in my mind. the idea that he loves his family but still finds them fucking weird just warms my dumb heart.

on the topic of his ability, please strap in because I have so many thoughts about Jasper and his pathokinesis:

I really think Stephenie Meyer could have done a lot more with Jasper’s gift. Jasper could have been so fucking cool. when you think about his ability it really should have no effect on Bella bc she’s this ~crazy powerful shield~ or whatever. but it does. maybe it’s because smeyer didn’t plan Bella’s ability until after twilight (which would make sense and is likely what happened) but it leaves a pretty big hole in the whole “Bella’s mental shield is unmatched in strength!” thing they tried selling. I mean, Alice can see her future, Jasper can sense/control her emotions. impenetrable mental shield my ass? like? hello?

the only way this could make sense in-canon is if we found out that Jasper’s ability was far… scarier then we’ve all been led to believe. I once read someone’s post on here and they were like “what? does he just fiddle their fucking brains until the right neurochemicals are released?” and honestly, yeah, I think that’s kind of what happens. and I know that sounds crazy but LISTEN.

if Jasper’s power is physical, not mental, like smeyer tried explaining, then suddenly we have the scariest character in the entire series on our hands. like, just listen to the potential that that has…

we’re told that the reason Jane can’t inflict her gift on Bella is because Jane only provides you with the illusion of pain. but you still feel it, right? that’s because Jane tricks the brain into thinking it’s on fire, or whatever the experience is supposed to feel like. but again: it’s an illusion. it’s not real. Jane stops and the victim is virtually unharmed, because it’s all in their head, right? if I’m not misremembering, Edward bounces right back in New Moon, right?

the same goes for Alec. and with Aro, since Bella’s shield is mental of course he’d be blocked out. same with Edward. Eleazar can probably sense Bella’s shield because he’s probably seeing it—maybe as an aura, who knows—and I guess Alice can see Bella’s future cause she’s witnessing her physical presence in the future. these all have explanations. if the explanation for Jasper is that he can actually physically effect the brain then suddenly we have an ability that really should also be able to do what Jane and Alec’s abilities do.

I mean can we please talk about how sleepiness/being tired isn’t an emotion. and literally in twilight jasper fucking PUTS BELLA’S WHOLE ASS TO SLEEP??? like??? HELLO?????!

falling asleep isn’t something that solely happens in your brain (as far as I’m aware—anyone proficient in neuroscience is welcome to correct me). it’s a physical process as well because the states of both the brain and body change.

if he can make a human fall asleep, solely by controlling whatever process happens in the brain to, y’know, shut it down for a period, why can’t Jasper do what Alec does? and if he can make a human fall asleep, why wouldn’t he be able to do something on the other end of the spectrum? like, I don’t know, induce some sort of physical injury. something that could cause a heart attack, stroke, or aneurysm.

because if Jasper is physically manipulating people’s brains and bodies then by all means he should be able to control so much more than feelings. I mean, he already is controlling more than emotions and we’re shown that already in TWILIGHT! at the very BEGINNING of the series!!

if he can physically manipulate people, that’s TERRIFYING!! and let’s be real I am HERE for it…

just picture with me real quick a Jasper who (isn’t a dumbass) eventually realizes that, wait… I shouldn’t be able to put humans to sleep or accelerate or decrease heart rates like this because that’s…. completely unrelated to feelings and emotions and um? what???? and suddenly Jasper realizes he has the ability to induce headaches and muscle spasms and cramps not just in humans but in vampires. and suddenly this is a total game changer y’all.

and remember, it’s not a one-way street with his gift. he can sense things too. it starts off with feelings, because those are easiest to sense off of other people. but then he starts being really good at sensing intentions. and then suddenly he’s reacting to what someone’s done before they’ve done it. I could go on all day about how crazy his potential ability could develop in canon and how COOL it is but I’ll just…. stop there…. and let y’all imagine the rest (or add on, if you want to)…..

tldr: jasper’s ability has more to do with actual manipulation of the body and less to do with “controlling emotions” and I’m convinced the motherfucker has the potential to be the actual scariest vampire in the series

#jasper hale #twilight saga #LET JASPER LIVE UP TO HIS TERRIFYING POTENTIAL #jalice

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therealvinelle · 3 years

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I would 100 percent love a rundown of every vampire and how they would react to the option to be human again.

... every vampire..?

I guess we’re doing this.

Afton is more useless to the Volturi than ever. This changes nothing, in part because nobody notices. Afton dies of old age in a cry for attention.

Alec can have puberty?! Get tall? Have sex? Sign him the fuck up. Alec spends ten years as a human. Unfortunately it turns out he has the worst genes, so he stops at 5 feet and doesn’t grow an inch taller. He is Volterra’s short king. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the ladies still see him as a kid and would feel weird about sleeping with him, so no luck on that front either. (Somehow, Jane is both taller and gets all the hawt dewds)

Alice would not like this at all. Having a human is nice, that’s fun. Alice loves her Bella Barbie. Being a human? Oh god no.

Alistair’s whole thing is that he’s living as a hermit because he’s terrified of everyone and everything. If he became human again, he would still be a hermit, but lacking any of the survival skills or basic equipment that human hermits accrue he would quickly die out there in the wild.

Amun might just be the oldest vampire in the world, and he has been a god. Going back to being human would be too low, it would be the greatest humiliation imaginable. Hard no from Amun.

Anne was Victoria’s sister, the two girls were impoverished and Anne prostituted herself to feed them. Since she was executed by the Volturi within that same century, she would be returning to that same, horrible life. All the nopes, Anne gets her creator to turn her again.

Aro would be very practical about it, I think, and find someone to turn him back before the plague got him. Though I’m sure he’d be too curious not to try for himself the modern, global, human cuisine, so whoever was turning him has to sit by and wait while Aro drinks all the margaritas and eats all the sushi. And probably human flesh, gotta know what it tastes like from the other side

Athenodora has spent a very long time in that tower tripping on Corin’s gift. As she walks into the Volterra town square she has a full on Plato’s cave allegory epiphany, as she realizes that the tower was a fever dream and the real world is blurry and she doesn’t want to eat anybody. She comes to the conclusion that vampires aren’t real.

Bella would feel like Cinderella at the end of the ball, her beautiful gown turns back into rags and she’s an unworthy human again. Edward is overjoyed she smells delicious is fragile again and refuses to turn her back. Heartbreak ensues.

Benito invented newborn wars, he’s got a million enemies. He better become a vampire again immediately, or he’s dead.

Benjamin is the avatar, which is great. He lives in hiding because Amun has him convinced that Aro would enslave him, which is less great. Being human would not solve this.

Boris was living his best life being a fake Russian noble in the court of Versailles. Being a fake noble as a human is just not as fun, and he finds himself a vampire to get turned back.

Bree was miserable as a vampire, but her life wasn’t great to begin with. She was homeless and starving. I imagine she’d say no to humanity because she had nothing to return to, but this would be a survival move that had nothing to do with what she wanted in life.

Caius has no time for this nonsense, he turns back immediately.

Carlisle I’ve outlined in this post, but to repeat it here he is quite happy being a vampire, humanity has nothing to offer him. His ridiculously large network of friends would be put to good use once again as he tries to find someone who’ll turn him. (He has a surprisingly hard time, as no one wants to risk being the asshole who ate Carlisle Cullen. He eventually comes crawling back to a delighted Aro)

Carlisle’s creator is the lowest of the low, trash who lives in the slums, gets caught by humans, eats half a mob and then lets a newborn loose in the middle of London. This guy is a slob who does not have his life in order. Without vampirism, he starts shooting up under a bridge and dies within a few weeks. He does not get turned back into a vampire because nobody’s touching that.

Carmen would probably want a baby before turning back. The problem with trying to raise a human child as a vampire is that children bleed all the time. Eleazar Jr. scrubs his knee, Carmen goes full Cronus on her son, and Dostoyevsky is proud.

Charles... I don’t know if anybody agreed with my post on Renata, I for one think Luca is horrifying, and based on that Charles would turn back immediately because he’s not leaving Makenna on her own. Not to mention, Charles is one of the few vampires in Twilight who chose his fate.

Charlotte and Peter are living happily, thinking the Cullens are crazy for appreciating humans, so no changes there.

Chelsea might actually be a bit allured by humanity, since this way she can find out once and for all if she can form organic, normal relationships. However, she’s been a vampire for millennia, which makes it impossible for her to relate to humans. She makes no friends, and comes to believe that she is unlovable. She becomes a vampire again and, after an extended existential crisis, eventually becomes Marcus.

Corin would want to try all the human drugs. Gotta find out if weed is better than she is! Unfortunately half of Volterra is hooked on her, and she’s turned before she can find a good dealer.

Didyme would immediately suffer a brain aneurism, and die. Marcus becomes Marcus, but this is ultimately the better timeline since Aro can mourn his sister normally.

Diego’s life was pretty much over since gang members were out to get him, so he’s not returning to humanity anytime soon. Although vampirism means that now everyone he meets is a potential gang member out to get him (indeed, Victoria gets him), so maybe humanity would appear comparatively peaceful.

Demetri seems to be having a cool time being a vampire, so back into the ranks of the unholy he goes.

Edward, oh boy. I can’t imagine it, and I don’t want to.

Eleazar is a pretty self-righteous and sanctimonious fellow, I am sure he would not only choose to remain human, but talk about how noble it is that he’s staying human. He would not enjoy being human.

Emmet would be a miserable human, but to turn back would be to turn his back on Rosalie, and so he would dutifully remain, even as he grew to resent her for it. Once again I have a post.

Esme would not want humanity given the choice, but if she suddenly is human then provided Carlisle was as well, I imagine she would want to get a do-over. However, trouble is that if she wants to have a baby, then she’ll have to stick around with said baby as well. Sticking around means remaining human. Honestly, I’m not sure where that would go. Terrible places once Carlisle runs off to Italy, I’m sure.

Felix is another dude who seems pretty happy with vampirism. He sticks his hand into the first fanged mouth that he can find.

Fred is having a good time as well now that he has left Victoria’s army, no arguments here.

Garrett seems quite happy to be a vampire, although he enjoys new things enough that I think he’d want to spend a few years experiencing things from this human perspective. Alas, he’d have pictured the life human influencers and fictional humans were leading - it can’t be too far off, right? Well, real humans need jobs and housing and health insurance. One thing leads to another, and Carlisle finds himself bankrolling Garrett’s human adventures.

George is a seriously amazing guy who goes around pretending to be a demon called Astaroth and making fake demon deals with people. He’s an amazing conman, but his whole schtick depends on being a vampire, so it wouldn’t work if he were human. Vampirism it is.

Heidi apparently lived a terrible life as a human and was pity-turned into a vampire, so I don’t think she’d have any happy associations with humanity at all. She buys the first ticket back to damnation.

Hilda was a feminist bleeding heart who made suffering women invulnerable. Vampirism, to her, seems to have been salvation, with humanity a miserable state. Hard no from Hilda.

Huilen didn’t want anything to do with this supernatural horrorshow that killed her sister, and I imagine she’s one of the few who’d actually fare well as a human again, even though time has passed.

Irina drowns her Laurent-shaped sorrows in booze and men.

James would be furious with everything for letting this happen to him, and want to be turned back again.

Jane, like Alec, is overjoyed that she can have puberty again. This works out great for her. Like a middle school goth phase, she sort of pretends that whole 1200-year-stint as an actual twelve-year-old didn’t happen, going “oh, yeah... that” when it’s mentioned.

Jasper isn’t eating people anymore, praise Jesus. I think he’d actually fare quite well, he’d become a dusty professor in philosophy at some college and the violence would truly be behind him.

Joham is a monster and I imagine his children would eat him before he could get turned back. Good on them.

Kachiri is quite happy with Senna and Zafrina, she wouldn’t want that to change.

Kate loves Garrett very much, but there are all these human men she won’t have to worry about killing..?

Kebi was a slave who was chosen by Amun to be... well, his slave forever. As an unchanging vampire she’s stuck, but humanity could represent real hope for her, the only hope, really. Hard yes from Kebi.

Kristie is one of the two Victoria recruits who managed to turn the army into a high school, where you were either in the right clique or you were a square. Kristie is clearly an opportunist who’ll make the best of any situation, human or vampire.

Kumboh is a highly eccentric vampire who works in a mental hospital and gets attached to the humans there, to the point where he dies for one. This is not a man I can predict.

Laurent spent his existence in a pursuit of power without understanding what power is, and ended up stuck with the white trashiest vampires ever to white trash. Several logical leaps based on 18th century French Versailles logic later he endeavors to marry into the British royal family.

Liam is living quite happily with his wife and surrogate daughter, and even if he wasn’t then Siobhan is going to want her hubby back. And what Siobhan wants, Siobhan gets.

Luca is quite happy being the family patron who sometimes takes niece-brides (or family demon who keeps stealing their daughters), so he would want his fangs back. But, I’m sorry but I think he’d seize the opportunity to impregnate one of his descendants, because if this guy is all about preserving his family line then I can’t imagine he’d be able to resist a son.

Lucy, like Maria, would be in so much trouble. Honestly, I think Maria would eat her immediately. Easiest way to get rid of competition.

Maggie might want to grow a bit older and less emaciated before turning, but like Liam, Siobhan’s gift would see to it that the coven became whole again.

Makenna wanted vampirism once, I imagine she’d want it again. She seems quite happy with her life.

Marcus is finally able to kill himself. Happy days.

Maria would be in so much trouble. She is a human in newborn war territory, all the vampires around her have terrible control, and the ones with good enough control to turn her are enemy army leaders who want her dead. She is forced to make a phone call to Jasper and ask if he can put in a good word with Carlisle.

Mary (Carlisle’s friend), it’s been over a century and she’s still living alone. Sounds lonely, so maybe she’d be down for the change.

Mary (Hilda’s coven) is living that feminist liberation life with Hilda, and humanity would throw her right back into poverty and misery. Big nope.

Nettie would be eaten by Jasper, since Maria already ate Lucy.

Noela is a member of Hilda’s coven, meaning her life was awful. She would not want it back.

Peter is living happily ever after with Charlotte, it’s a good life. Peter does not want things to change.

Randall was turned in the 1960′s, so I’m sure he’d want some of that sweet weed again.

Raoul was a gangbanger and humanity is better off without him. So are vampires.

Renata had awful circumstances around her turning, and nothing to return to. Her human family either sold her out or were unable to protect her, my money’s on them thinking that her fate was a great honor, and either option makes them someone I imagine she has put behind her. As it is now, she has purpose with the Volturi, and no one is making her be anybody’s bride. She would not want things to change, nevermind becoming human.

Riley thinks he has found true love and glorious purpose, and would remain the way he is.

Rosalie would be delighted, but she has poured years of bitterness and crushed dreams into the dream of the perfect human life. Reality wouldn’t live up to her ideal and this time she can’t blame vampirism. I think she’d start drinking.

Santiago presumably has an alright time being a vampire, he has purpose and community with the Volturi. No changes here.

Sasha wanted a big ol’ family, turning first her niece and then women who resembled her niece enough to look like her sisters, so I imagine that, like all good Denali women, she’d seduce a sexy human male and give herself a few more daughters. Disaster would ensue if they were sons, or not blondes.

Senna is living happily with her girlfriends, let nothing disrupt that.

Siobhan’s life is great, with her gift her life will be as she wishes it to be, and she seems to truly enjoy being a vampire. It wouldn’t even be a question for her.

Stefan and Vladimir (no, they don’t get individual entries) are has-beens. Without vampirism, they would be greater has-beens than ever. This makes Aro’s century, and he makes it clear to the vampire world that no one is to turn these two back. Their lives suck and then they die.

Sulpicia is above pesky human sustenance, the mere thought is revolting. She accidentally starves herself to death.

Victoria would be at once more and less paranoid. Her gift isn’t going haywire telling her about all the danger, but she’s a human, so all is danger. I think she’d start drinking too.

Victoria’s NPC army recruits are newborns who love that sweet sweet blood, ain’t nobody turning their back on that.

Tanya would be so fucking happy, oh my god. She can bang all the dudes, and she won’t have to worry about killing them! She forgets that human women have to worry about STDs and pregnancies. Now she has chlamydia and a baby.

Tia’s big problem is that she’s stuck living with this ancient and bitchy loser who takes himself way too seriously. Vampirism on its own is great, she’s down for that.

Unnamed tracker formerly employed by the Volturi was relieved of his duties in the most “oops, you’re useless now” way possible. That hurts your self esteem. Becoming a powerless human would hurt it even more. Unnamed tracker formerly employed by the Volturi does not want this.

Vassilii would grow up, and have a host of issues because being a toddler with memories of bloodthirst and killing people is bad for child development.

Zafrina is having a great time with her girlfriends and her illusions. And it’s been a very long time since they were human, I don’t think anything remains of their culture. At least not anything they’d recognize.

Hope this answers your question, anon...

Edit: Added Carlisle’s Creator, Sasha, and Vassilii. If I’ve missed anybody else, let me know.

Edit 2: Added Bree, Diego, Frank, Kristen, Raoul, Riley, and Victoria’s NPC army recruits.

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goldeneyedgirl · 3 years

Note

Who’s ur favorite and least favorite twilight character and why?

LOL, oh man. Prepare for Discourse, Anon.

My favourite character is Alice (that might be very obvious). I think she was wasted in Twilight, and that she has so much potential.

She has no recollection of being human. She is a totally blank slate with a gift that is essentially an extra sense or limb. Like, this girl cannot be ‘okay’. I believe in my heart of hearts that Alice functions differently to other people. I mean, I infer from canon that her visions taught her everything that she needed to know - from how to feed, to how to convince Jasper, to how to join the Cullens. She’s going to get the wrong answer? She’ll change what she says!

And that is utterly fucking terrifying - especially if she was aware and doing it intentionally. But I do not think she is, in that sense. I just don’t think she would have any idea of how to live without her visions showing her what to do next. Alice is a hostage to her own gift, and always has been.

Even her interactions with Bella and Edward in canon are really uncanny, like she’s playing a role - which is more reflective of SMeyer’s piss-poor writing ability than any sort of intention - but indicative that Alice is Not Okay, and kind of explains a lot about how the Cullen family is portrayed.

A lot of what I love about Alice, and her relationship with Jasper, are things I’ve absorbed from fan-content - what we can infer from the information we’ve been given. Her conviction about her and Jasper, to me, is beautiful and both terribly childlike, and something someone who has suffered deeply would absolutely cling to as a lifeline. The idea that Jasper isn’t just her husband, but her very best friend and confidant as well, paints such a lovely picture of the symbiosis they have. I think that, whilst it’s normally Poised, Confident Alice to Rescue Struggling Depressed Jasper portrayed in fandom, that there is a distinctive possibility that two individuals who were both fucked over in the gift department and were holding onto reality by a strand found each other and rescued each other might be closer to the truth.

I also LOVE fashion, so I kind of get Alice on that level; and I treat Alice - when I write her - as someone with mental illness (like myself) because I find that very satisfying to write, and to explore. I can PROJECT, which is super fun.

Jasper’s a close second because holy moly, he has so much potential from a fic-writing perspective? This is a man who was not a good person as a human - like, there are Varying Reasons he would join the Confederate Army and be proud of being a Major, but that’s a TOTALLY different piece of discourse so we’ll put a pin in that because statistically, it meant he was a racist fighting for racist ideals. And THEN he is changed into a vampire and joins the Southern Wars, falling further into evil as far as violence, hate, and senseless death goes.

Like this man was a full monster.

And it was eating him alive.

So he just walked away. Alice did not save him. Peter did not save him. Jasper walked away. Peter gave him the opportunity to do so. Alice offered him goals and a way to improve who he is. There’s nothing he can do about the evil he sowed, the legacy he has created. And he has to live with that every single day for eternity. Has to deal with the burn of his thirst, exacberated by years of gorging on human blood, every single day. There is no solution to/for Jasper. It’s one hell or another. And that is so much fun from a fic-writing perspective.

Plus his dynamic with Maria is so crazy fun - Mother? Lover? General? What does ‘good terms’ even mean? I assume it’s code for ‘cold war’ or ‘not actively seeking the other’s destruction’, but who knows. I love that.

Jessamine is also super fun and beloved by me, but that’s because she’s either Jasper-derivitive or my particular portrayal of a separate character, so she doesn’t count.

As for my least favourite, that honour goes to Edward. Full disclosure, I have not read Midnight Sun, only skimmed parts, because the only thing worse than that would be reading EdBella fic.

I think he’s an arrogant, misogynistic, controlling little brat, honestly. He’s above the rules and the laws when it suits him - at the cost to everyone - and he condemns Rosalie and Jasper so quickly and thoroughly with very little in-text justification.

He says that Rosalie is vain - well, Captain Dipshit, maybe after being violently and fatally gang-raped by a group including her fiance Rosalie might deal with a lot of body issues - and copes with them the best way she can. Maybe after being raised with a priority of being beautiful above all else, and then harmed in such a grotesque way because of her beauty, and then becoming more beautiful might fuck with your mental health a little, Eddie.

Edward has a bad habit of classifying women in absolutes like Madonna/Whore, depending on his personal beliefs - which, as a frozen 17 year old from the 1900s, is fairly goddamn dubious. Rosalie and Tanya are both ‘bad’, Esme, Alice, and Bella are all ‘good’. But there are no women that Edward fully ‘trusts’ or allows to ‘win’/direct him. He prizes Bella because of her unreadable mind - she is a puzzle and something to possess. They are never partners. Edward uses Alice, Who Tries Her Very Best, as a weapon against Bella multiple times. I often wonder if it isn’t Edward who encourages Alice, off-page/off-screen, to play dress-ups, to make Bella into what Edward expects in a wife.

Edward is over-indulged by both Esme and Carlisle; honestly, with his gift, I wouldn’t be surprised if he manipulates the family into their slightly toxic dynamic (it’s hard to tell because of SMeyer’s obvious bias, and the perspective of the novels) because it benefits him so much. It puts him second only to Carlisle - Jasper cannot be trusted despite his comprehensive understanding of vampires, especially when it comes to turf battles, and Emmett’s just a frat boy. Or is this the portrait Edward has painted so he gets to be #1 Son?

Edward is the goddamn architect of every disaster the Cullens face because what he wants is dangerous and illegal. Without Edward’s Volterra Tantrum, Aro never would have challenged the Cullens in Breaking Dawn. Victoria’s attack would have been neutralised before the Cullens even got wind of it. Bella never would have gone cliff-diving or solo-hiking if Edward hadn’t dumped her in the cruelest way possible.

I honestly, truly believe that Edward shouldn’t have had a mate, let alone a wife and child.

Also, movie!Edward looked like he needed a fucking shower and a flea dip in nearly every scene.

Bella’s a close second because I have known girls like Bella and fuck me, they are deeply unpleasant to be friends with. She fucks over EVERYONE in pursuit of Edward. I understand that she doesn’t have the same interests as Alice, but not once just she make a suggestion for an alternative activity or a compromise (and that could be Bad Writing again, because Bella appears to have very few hobbies beyond ‘reading’ but it’s what we’re working with).

In fact, I would argue that Alice tries her very best to be Bella’s friend, but it’s a futile attempt - Bella tolerates Alice because of Alice’s proximity to Edward. If Alice had been a human student at Forks High, you can bet that Bella would have dumped her as fast as possible. Bella has very few moments where she’s positive about the people around her outside of the Cullens (by association with Edward) or Jacob. Charlie gets mostly pity. Everyone else is looked upon with disapproval and judgement (which, again, reflects toxic writing tropes.)

And Bella martyrs herself at every opportunity. There’s a lot of discourse where Bella’s neglectful childhood is examined, but Bella fucking lunges into the ‘victim’ role at every possibility. And ultimately, I really don’t see Bella maturing or learning anything at all through the series. It’s always about what she wants, above everything else. She succeeds because she and Edward are incredibly selfish individuals who are enabled by the parental figures around them.

Second runner-up is Carlisle.

#alice cullen #jasper hale #twilight discourse #twilight renaissance #bella swan #edward cullen #my thoughts #Anonymous

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neutron-stars-collision · 4 years

Text

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 10 - Enjoy the Silence

Masterlist ; Chapter 9

Summary: You finally get to have that conversation with Neil. Only he is desperate to make your life harder in every way. At the same time, operation in Kiev is about to begin, setting the pieces into motion...

Warnings: Cursing.

Author’s Notes: Okay, I’m genuinely sorry for how long this is but it’s clear I’ve got no self-control (and neither does Neil). Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!

PS. From next chapter we’re entering the main movie plot... but with necessary changes. Can’t wait!

You have not realised how late it got until Neil lead you through the reception area on your way to the designated ‘talking’ place. For a moment, you had the strongest desire to tell him that you are busy and lock yourself in your room for the remainder of the evening. But the more reasonable part of your brain knew that the conversation was needed to stop the further agony of what-ifs. And so, without further questions or complaints, you let Neil lead you through building. One could suppose that was one of your fatal flaws – letting Neil do whatever the hell he wanted to you.

The moment you realised he had led you to his own quarters in the building, you had to make sure you were on the same page with this. Because that did not look good…

“Um… are you sure that’s the best place to talk after everything?” you eyed him warily before letting yourself scan the room.

His quarters were certainly bigger than what recruits like you have gotten. He had a large bedroom with a bathroom and a smaller living room area with a sofa and coffee table. It was all rather impersonal in the details and made you wonder if he had an apartment somewhere in London. But that was a question to ask another time.

“Why not?” Neil smiled at you innocently “It’s private and cosy. What more could you want?”

As you watched, he took off the burgundy tie and undid the first two buttons of his shirt, all the while looking at you with playful sparks in his eyes. Right… so he’s not going to make this easy.

“Neutrality?” you arched your eyebrow, trying not to give in this time.

“If you’re worried that I’ll jump you right here and now, then don’t. That’s not what I want from this” he met your gaze coolly, as though trying to challenge you.

As usual, you were grateful for the distance you have managed to maintain so far. His words have set off the tension you have felt since Paris. It only got worse after your little corridor accident.

“Could’ve fooled me”

You won the staring contest as Neil backed off after thirty seconds and awkwardly cleared his throat. Great start to the potentially disastrous conversation, you mused while observing his somewhat chaotic movements around the room. Finally, he must have found what he wanted because he turned back to you.

“Right, how about we settle on the sofa with some wine and go from there?” you could tell he was nervous from the look in his eyes and fidgeting hands.

It was somewhat more encouraging to see him like that. Especially with the restlessness that you were feeling.

“Sounds good” you have mustered a small smile and sat down on one end of the settee.

He must have understood your concerns as he took the seat on the opposite end and set two wine glasses on the table. Then, with a small smirk, he stretched his long legs on the sofa, nearly making his feet land in your lap. So much for distance. You glared at him but then decided to play along, entangling your legs with his so that you were both facing each other. As long as you could ignore the occasional brush of his foot against your thigh, it was not such a bad position to be in. You both sipped wine in silence as though trying to gather up the courage to speak. Finally, after two minutes, Neil set down his glass and focused all his attention on you:

“What did Jasper tell you about me?”

Straight to the point.

“Why does it matter?” you shifted, trying to get rid of the rising nervousness.

“Because I need to explain how it’s complete bullshit” the intensity of his blue eyes was doing nothing to help ease the tension.

You knew that repeating the cruel words will be like opening a fresh wound. But there was no other choice. You let out a breath you did not know you were holding and started blurting out:

“He said that I’m just another woman you flirt with. That I’m no different from the rest. That you don’t care about me or anyone else” you looked down at your lap, feeling a rush of feelings once again.

Now that he knew what was bothering you, it would be harder to pretend you did not care. But then, after what happened earlier, it was all probably quite clear to him… It’s not like you were unresponsive to his persuasions. And he knew that all too well.

“He’s wrong” Neil’s voice brought you back to the present moment “That kiss, well, all three of them” you looked up to see him grin smugly at the choice of words “I wanted that”

Okay, that was something. But you knew he could tell that you were not convinced as he quickly added:

“I admit I flirt with everyone, but only with you I actually mean it”

But still…

“Why?” you could not formulate all the questions, so you hoped that would do.

You watched his face light up charmingly. You were so gone.

“Because you’re you” he shrugged as though that explained everything.

“What does that mean?” you risked meeting his gaze and soon regretted it.

He was staring at you with the same adoration you have seen before. Only this time, it was somehow worse as he also placed his hand on your knee and left it there. You could tell he knew exactly what he was doing.

“You’re fascinating, interesting…” you felt your face heat up as his eyes roamed across your face slowly “Beautiful” he smirked and slid his hand down to your calf “And so much fun to be around”.

Your eyes widened. That was not what you expected from the conversation. The way he looked at you made you want to believe him.

“I guess what I want to say is that for me none of this was meaningless” his eyes searched yours, looking for a sign that you understood “I’m aware that we barely know each other, but I want to change that”

“Okay��” you exhaled before gathering strength to take over the conversation.

His fingers lightly brushing over your exposed skin on the ankle were not helping. When you glared at him, he stopped the movement but still kept his hand there, with a little smirk. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before saying:

“I really like you” it felt both exhilarating and terrifying to admit out loud. You opened your eyes to see Neil with that shit-eating grin on his face.

Asshole.

You kicked him in the shin rather forcefully and enjoyed the affronted face he made.

“What was that for?” he rubbed the spot with a frown.

“Being a smug bastard” you shrugged and took a large gulp of wine.

“Fair enough” he nodded and smiled at you with encouragement.

Okay… let’s try again. You still were not sure what to tell him, but one thing was clear. You wanted to know him better before getting involved too fast and too strongly. The worry about the upcoming operations was occupying your mind as well. You could only hope he would understand. And cooperate.

“I like you. And I... think it’s kind of crazy that I know exactly the sound you’d make if I tugged on your hair mid-kiss but don’t know what your favourite colour is” when the last word left your mouth, you met his gaze warily.

He eyed you curiously before grinning widely. His hand was back on your ankle, long fingers brushing against the skin thoughtfully.

“Olive green”

“...point still stands” you glared at him, trying to hide the shivers caused by his touch.

The conversation was far from done, and you desperately tried to focus. Some things still had to be said. You exhaled and straightened your back. Any help was welcomed at this point.

“As much as I enjoyed ‘this’” you knew he understood from the way his eyes lit up “What I need right now is a friend... I don’t want to get involved just as things are about to get worse. So can we try that? Just being friends?” once you finished the thought, you searched his face for a reaction.

He did not look too surprised. Instead, he smirked mischievously, and you groaned. Fuck.

“Whatever you want, love” he leaned over your entangled legs, letting his hand travel upwards and then wrapped it around your thigh “But I won’t always promise to behave”

He met your gaze with wicked sparks in his eyes and brushed his thumb over the inside of your thigh. Your mind went blank. Neil must have noticed that as he bit his lip and started tracing small circles there. Despite the layer of jeans, you tensed at the touch. But then, that one last particle of reason in your brain woke up. Thankfully so.

“Have you got no self-control?” you swatted his hand away and hugged your legs to your chest to avoid the temptation.

“With you? Barely” he shrugged apologetically.

But the look in his eyes was far from remorseful. You noticed a change in his eye colour again. The blue got darker, and you wondered how on earth you got yourself into the situation. And why was he so hard to say no to. But instead, you chose to point out the obvious:

“Pretty sure you just said you wouldn’t jump me” warily, you scooted further away from him.

That did not do much as his darkened eyes roaming over your body were as bad as his touch.

“I’m not. This is seduction” he undid another button on his shirt to prove the point.

“God I hate you” you shot daggers in his direction.

“Mhmmm, I beg to differ with that” he smiled way too smugly and reached out to squeeze your shoulder.

You nearly jumped at the touch, which only made his grin wider.

“This what I meant when I said that you’re fun” you relaxed into his touch and risked a look at him.

This time it seemed like he got over whatever possessed him a minute earlier. You looked at him pleadingly, wishing the conversation somehow went back on track. He understood, as he always did.

“If that’s what you want then, of course, we can try being friends. For a while, to see how things go” he smiled at you softly and squeezed your hand reassuringly.

Now that he said it, you no longer knew if that was the best idea. But it had to be, right?

“That’s what I meant. I want time to figure things out” you finally found your voice again and interlocked your fingers with his on reflex.

Maybe that was sending mixed signals, but who were you to know. Especially after the mess that your relationship was so far.

“And you never know, maybe after all this is over, you’ll realise Anna is the love of your life” you added to light up the atmosphere.

You had to ignore the hollow feeling that thought left in your heart. Neil just smiled and took a sip from the wine glass. The silence that fell then was strange, not awkward but not entirely comfortable either. But maybe that was just your tendency to overthink. Before you could get lost in that dark corner of your thoughts, he asked:

“So how have you been?” you both glanced at your joined hands.

It seemed that you decided it was okay at the same time. Neil moved closer to you, his shoulder brushing against yours, as you thought about the answer to the question.

“Apart from wanting to kill Jasper every day for three weeks and being worried about what’s ahead, I’m alright, I think” you shrugged “I became friends with Ives, and we train together daily”

“You like him?”

“Yeah, he’s a welcomed distraction” you laughed “And his straightforward attitude can be very helpful” you admitted with a smile.

“I’ll have to come to see your sparring session then. Check if you got any better” he lightly bumped his shoulder against yours.

“Oh c’mon” you returned the gesture, “Ives says there’s progress, so I believe him”

“Of course”

After another thoughtful pause, you decided to bring up another topic that has been on your mind for a while.

“How’s your wound?” you eyed him warily.

“It’s pretty much healed” he smiled “Just a little scar left. Can show you if you’d like” the smirk was back.

“No, please don’t. I’ve seen enough already” you showed him your horrified facial expression and enjoyed the laugh it prompted.

“Another day then” he winked, and it was your time to snicker.

“Ives told me you were in India” you spoke when you calmed down “But there’s no point in asking why is there?”

“Unfortunately not, sorry. But if that’s any consolation, I was probably even more bored than you were in Paris” he sighed.

“Doubt that” you scoffed “Heard you were there with Wheeler and others. Surely they kept you company”

“Well, yes… but that company lacked a certain spark” he tightened his hold on your hand, and you blushed.

Maybe all the jealousy was, in fact, for nothing? You glanced at the watch. It was late in the evening.

“I’ve got an early meeting with Ives, so I should probably get going soon” you finished the wine and glanced at Neil.

It was good to have him back. You enjoyed the way the dim light made his hair look almost golden. And how his blue eyes always showed so much emotion. Now they were soft and full of fondness.

“Of course, wouldn’t want you late for that” with a small hesitation you let go of his hand.

There was just one more question you had to ask.

“Are we alright?” you bit your lip nervously and chose to stare at the carpet.

“Of course we are” he tipped your chin to look into your eyes “I’ll see you around tomorrow”

“Yeah, sure” you smiled and moved to stand up.

Before you could go that far, Neil leaned in and kissed you on the cheek. It was one of those kisses that lasted too long to be strictly platonic. In response, you could only let out a shaky breath.

“Good night, love” he smiled upon seeing your startled face “Sleep well”.

“Good night” you squeezed his hand and left the room.

*** The next day, after you surprisingly made it to the gym on time, Ives welcomed you with a somewhat knowing smile on his face. You could only pray that Anna was too traumatised to tell anyone what she saw.

“Morning” he smiled at you and gave you a traditional half hug.

“Hi” you yawned and cursed your own tiredness.

Last night it was somewhat hard to fall asleep after everything that happened. So you stared at the ceiling for hours, desperately trying not to overthink the moment in the corridor or the conversation after. It was difficult to tell if you have made the right choices. But only time could determine that. But now there were other things to focus on. You smiled at Ives, who was eyeing you curiously.

“So now that Neil’s back... did you kiss and make up?” that smile was way too cheeky.

Your eyes widened, and you ignored the strong desire to slap him. Instead, you huffed and sent him a murderous glare.

“We talked.”

“If that’s what you want to call it”

That was enough, you stepped closer and punched him in the shoulder. But, of course, he blocked it with ease, grinning even wider.

“How do you even know that he’s back?”

“He came to see me straight from the airport and asked if I know where he can find you”

Oh…

“After that, I’ve not seen him or you around, so I can only assume he succeeded” Ives shrugged, and you tried hard to maintain a neutral face.

Somehow you assumed that Neil took time to rest before you seeking you out. But maybe he actually missed you as much as he wanted you to believe… You sighed and decided to think about all this later.

“Ready?” Ives took his position on the mat.

“Sure” you mirrored his stance and put up your guard.

You only got as far as few punches in before you heard the door creak and then a sound of someone clearing their throat.

“Sorry to interrupt the fun you’re undoubtedly having” you turned at the sound of Neil’s voice.

He was standing in the doorway with a small smile on his face. When your eyes met, his lips curled into a smirk, and he winked. You rolled your eyes in response but took the time to eye him up quickly. The relaxed, tie-less look with rolled-up sleeves was certainly growing on you.

“Good morning, mate” Ives was the first one to cross the room and give Neil a shoulder squeeze “What’s up?”

“TP called. He wants us to have a video chat with him in twenty minutes” you approached them both “Morning, love” Neil beamed at you.

“Hey” you were conscious of Ives’ attentive stare on you both “Who does he mean by ‘us’?”

“Me and you” Neil replied, never taking his eyes off you “Ives, you’ll have a call with him afterward” only then he briefly looked at his colleague.

“Sure” Ives gave you both a pat on the back “Good luck, lovebirds”

What even… You glared at him and mouthed a few curses. But he was clearly enjoying himself too much. He grinned at your horrified expression and turned his back on you both. Neil was suspiciously quiet. You followed him out into the corridor and asked:

“Everything alright?” you reached out and placed your hand on his forearm. He looked down at you with a small smile.

“Of course” he searched your eyes “Don’t mind Ives, he’s just like that”

You just nodded. Neil patiently waited for you in your room as you got changed before you both went into the conference room. You sat down at the table while Neil called TP. Once the connection was reached, you saw the boss’s face on the large projector screen in front.

“It’s good to see you both” TP smiled as Neil took his seat in front of you.

“You too” you grinned “So let me guess, this is about Kiev?”

“Great guess” TP laughed but then quickly sobered up “It’s happening on the 14th of April, so…” he trailed off, and you both looked at your phones simultaneously.

It was the 9th of April. You looked up to see Neil staring at you thoughtfully. You met his gaze before you both remembered about the ongoing call and turned towards the screen. TP was looking at you with a small smile on his face, and you remembered all that he said about you and Neil. If he really came from the future, you could see why he had the conclusions that he did.

“In five days, there will be a siege of the Kiev Opera. The original aim of the operation, the reasons why it’s being stormed, are of no importance here. What matters to you is that my younger self will be there in the opera house as a part of the rescue mission” when TP stopped speaking, you finally remembered to inhale.

So it was true then…

“What’s the task?” Neil was back in the full professional mode you have seen him take on during missions and briefings.

“You’ll have to get into the opera house and be on hand in case I… well, he needed help. The main goal is to make sure he makes it out alive. The rest is not up to you” TP looked at Neil, and you had the feeling there was another conversation going on.

You let them exchange a few meaningful looks before asking:

“Am I correct to assume that only Neil is needed for this one?”

“Yes” TP smiled apologetically, “But I wanted you to know everything because it will help you understand better what will happen next”

“Okay… so do I have to do anything for this mission?”

“I was informed by your teachers that you’ve got excellent planning and logistics skills” your eyes widened at the unexpected compliment “So you’ll help Neil with preparation using the documents I’ll send over”

“Thanks” you blushed while still recovering from the praise.

“So, just to make sure I got it right… I have to enter the opera, stay away from trouble, and watch over past you to make sure you make it out alive?” Neil summarised the information.

“Yep. But you can’t engage with me in any way. That’s very important” TP leaned forward, staring at Neil with a serious gaze.

“Darkened visor on the gas mask?” Neil smirked knowingly.

“Exactly” they both grinned.

“I’ve got a question… how do you know it has to be Neil?” you frowned, trying to wrap your head around the facts.

“Spoilers”

“Of course” you sighed dejectedly and chose to stare at the table.

You felt Neil touch your shoulder reassuringly and glanced up to meet his sparkling blue eyes. You just nodded at the unspoken question and focused back on the mission.

“What’s next then?” you asked.

“After Kiev, others will have their parts to play. Neil, you will be needed in Mumbai, but we’ll talk about that later. Then, you’ll both have your roles determined by what happens” seeing your uncertain expression, he added, “Wish I could be more specific but trust me, once it begins, you’ll know what to do”

“Okay… Final question, if I can” you felt stupid with how much you did not understand.

But both men were looking at you with encouraging smiles.

“How will you know who to protect in the opera?” you looked at Neil “Because I assume everyone will be in tactical gear”

“After so many years of working together, it’s not hard to recognize partner in the field” Neil and TP traded another knowing smile.

“Fair enough”

Fuck knows why you were jealous. You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the ridiculous emotions, and suddenly wished for the meeting to be over. Nothing seemed to get past Neil’s attentive gaze, and soon you felt him lightly nudge your knee with his underneath the table.

“You okay?” it was worrying how quickly he managed to learn you so well.

“Yeah” the lie rolled off your tongue easily.

But Neil did not buy it, judging by how he narrowed his eyes and tried to read your mind. You turned back to look at TP and asked:

“Should I stay here for now?”

“Yeah, I’ll let you both know when you’re needed in the HQs or elsewhere” then he scanned your expressions thoughtfully and added, “Think this is all for today. I’ll send over the documents”

“When is my plane to Kiev?” only now Neil stopped his scrupulous study of your face.

“In two days, so you’ll have time to do some on-field research. Good luck, and you know how to reach me if the situation goes south”

“Thanks”

“Y/N” you turned towards the screen at the mention of your name “Good luck to you too for dealing with this idiot” he grinned at Neil’s protests “I’m here if you ever need therapy” with that, he ended the call.

You laughed at Neil’s affronted face.

*** Planning the mission with Neil went well. Or almost well, if one chose not to ignore the few times you wanted to throw a mug full of hot coffee at him just to shut him up. The plan seemed rather easy. All he had to do was perform some on-field research around the opera house in Kiev, enter the building on the 14th of April unnoticed and make sure TP leaves it alive. In total, you estimated that he would be back in four days. Your job was to stay in touch with him, monitor any suspicious activity around the opera, and notify him of potential issues. It seemed easy enough to do. Or so you hoped.

On the evening before his flight, Neil appeared on your doorstep with the ever-charming smile:

“What do you want?” you refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing how pleasantly surprised you were.

“Thought we could have a little chat in the common room with drinks” he looked at you earnestly.

You already knew you would say yes. But, to keep up the appearances, you pretended to think before asking:

“Just me and you?”

“Ives will be there too if that’s any encouragement” Neil leaned on the doorframe and peeked into your room curiously.

“Yes, actually” you enjoyed the slightly taken aback face he made “I’ll join, just give me a sec” opening the door wider for him, you disappeared into the bathroom.

Aware of Neil, observing you, you brushed your hair and fixed make-up. You could see him watching your every move in the mirror.

“Who’s all that for?” he asked, once you’ve given yourself a quick once-over.

“Ives, naturally” you turned around to see his shocked expression.

Finally, a win.

“Are you ready?” feigning impatience, you sighed exasperatedly.

“I can see what you’re doing” he narrowed his eyes as he opened the door for you “Trying to appear all disinterested”

You started walking down the corridor, side by side, hands brushing every few steps.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about” you hummed nonchalantly, enjoying the brief moment of absolute control.

For once, Neil did not argue. Instead, he grabbed your hand and interlocked fingers. So much for trying to stay away.

“Why did you only agree when I mentioned Ives?”

Was that jealousy? You side-eyed him before responding.

“Maybe then you’ll behave” you pulled your hand away and entered the common room without waiting for him.

You made a promise to yourself to genuinely try and be friends. And you were not going to give in so soon.

You quickly spotted Ives, who grinned seeing you approach.

“Was hoping you’d come as I didn’t want to spend the whole evening with moping Neil missing his crush” as soon as he spoke, you slapped him on the shoulder.

“Shut up” luckily, Neil was still loitering in the doorway, speaking to someone you did not recognize “Or I’ll change my mind”

The threat worked as Ives put up his hands in defence and laughed.

“It’s okay, love” then he smirked “But it’s true and you know it”

You glared, seeing Neil make his way towards your corner. He sat down on the empty armchair and raised his eyebrows.

“Have I missed anything?”

“Nope” you shot a final warning glance at Ives before diving straight for the vodka on the table.

One small drink wouldn’t hurt.

Once you all were equipped with drinks, Ives broke the silence:

“How’s the Kiev action looking?”

“Should be a piece of cake” Neil shrugged “I’m more concerned about everything beyond that since we barely have any information”

“Thought it’s just me who’s kept in the dark by the TP” Ives glanced at you both.

“I only know that I’ll be ‘needed’ for Kiev and then after” you replied while shrugging dejectedly “But what for…” you trailed off and took a swig from the glass.

“To be fair, with those shooting and planning skills, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were the one who will keep this whole thing together” you looked up at Neil at his words.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” you met his gaze curiously.

That was a mistake, as once again, you felt yourself get lost in the feelings you saw there.

“Take it whatever way you want to” he winked at you.

You stared back, trying to convey the annoyance through your glare. After gazing at each other for close to a minute, you heard Ives groan loudly:

“If you two are gonna just keep on staring at each other longingly, can you spare me a warning beforehand?”

Jesus, no… You felt your face grow warm and the desperate need to run away returned. Neil rolled his eyes at his colleague.

“Right…” he coughed awkwardly “How about we tell Y/N about that action in Tokyo two years ago?” he looked at you apologetically “Think you’d enjoy the story” his hand twitched as though he wanted to reach out to you.

You were torn between wanting to leave and to hold his hand. But for now, you had to settle for another sip of the drink and wringing your own hands nervously. Ives was still watching you attentively before he sighed and gave in, starting the tale mentioned by Neil. Hearing them share the stories from past missions made the awkwardness go away for the rest of the evening. You enjoyed the dynamic of the two, especially how they teased each other and made you laugh as a result. You liked how Neil always explained the inside jokes so you would not feel lost within the narrative. Only once you all finished the second round of drinks and realised that the common room was empty, you remembered about the passage of time. Neil cursed while looking at his watch.

“Worried you’ll miss the plane?” Ives grinned at his distressed face.

“Maybe…” he sighed “Guess I just have to accept eternal sleep deprivation”

“Good luck mate” Ives gave him another pat on the back and the turned to you “I want to talk to you for a sec… but first I’ll leave you two to do your thing”

You did not like the knowing smirk Ives left with. But you could only turn to Neil, who was staring at you with a rather dazed expression. Suddenly you felt awkward again.

“I’ll probably start early so I won’t wake you up” Neil was nervous too, for some reason.

“This is goodbye then?” you shifted, trying to somehow make the situation more bearable.

“Yeah… It’s just four days though” he smile half-heartedly, and you mirrored him unconsciously.

You watched as he slightly shook his head and took a few steps closer to you. Then he smiled gently:

“For friends, a handshake would be enough, but that’s not us, is it?” he took your hands in his and met your gaze.

“I-“ as usual, you were speechless.

Neil grinned, seeing your absolute confusion, and placed his hands on your shoulders.

“Oh, come here” he laughed and pulled you into a hug.

Instantly you embraced him tightly and relaxed into his chest, with your head resting in the crook of his neck. You inhaled the scent you came to associate with him and felt the nervousness dissolve. It was an undeniable fact that he felt like home and safety to you. And that was something to deal with in the quiet of your own mind.

“We should hug more often. It’s nice” he kissed the top of your head while rubbing soothing patterns into the skin of your back.

Right…

“Are you drunk?” that seemed like the only plausible explanation.

“No, just happy” you could practically hear the grin in his voice.

His words made you realise that the peace you felt was probably the closest to bliss in a while. Using the bout of courage, you pressed a small kiss to his neck, just above the shirt collar. He gasped at the contact and tightened his grip. After what felt like five minutes, you decided to take a step back and took a look at him. You smoothed his ruffled hair and smiled.

“Be safe out there” you took his hand in yours and squeezed it.

“Always” he grinned, looking at you with happy sparks in his eyes “And you better pick up my calls this time”

“Wouldn’t dare not to”

Before you could react, Neil leaned in and kissed you on the forehead gently. Then he searched your eyes one last time, as though making sure you noticed all the affection he held in his gaze.

“Good night” he waved at you.

“Night-night, Neil” you beamed at him, watched him disappear with a weary smile on your face.

What a mess, you mused and walked back to the entrance, with the intent to catch Ives. But he beat you to it and was already standing in the doorway with a confused expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, looking around for any sign of trouble.

“Anna popped into the common room while you and Neil were… having your little moment” he glanced at you “Then, just as quickly, she walked out with the worst scowl on her face I’ve ever seen”

You could only face plant into the nearby wall and close your eyes.

“Bloody hell give me a break” you mumbled, as though the wall held all the answers.

“What have I missed?” Ives’ clueless question was almost adorable. Almost.

#tenet #neil tenet #neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion #gifs not mine

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cloveroctobers · 3 years

Text

• ROHAN WASTI•

IG info/bio: @/niceguyroasti | 175k followers | Just here for a bit of fun 🤹🏽‍♂️! They don’t call me the brown handstand king for nuthin, mate 🎪🤸🏽‍♂️

(23) 25 (26) years old

From Wolverhampton, England

Before you ask...no he’s never met Liam Payne but Rohan’s sure he’s a great lad. (He was asked this question in one of his lives, he secretly thinks it was talia from one of her secret burner stan accounts lol) He’s got a nice tune with a boogie w da hoodie that he likes??

Anyways...he’s of Pakistani heritage

His mother used to work for a printing press company until she along with 15 other employees were laid off back in Sargodha

She was out of work for months becoming a stay at home mom (which his father initially wanted)

While his father continued in ironwork

They uprooted their family to the uk two years later after Rohan’s father also got laid off

Rohan was about 7 years old when they moved to Wolverhampton

he picked up on the English language faster than his parents

Always a quick learner

He has two younger brothers

Who are really his cousins/friends of the family that his parents brought home from Pakistan after their parents passed in a tragic accident

he was eleven years old when he met them at the airport and was super excited to have sibs! & even encouraged his mom to let him buy them something they would like sort of like a ice breaker which they seemed to appreciate 😭

His parents wanted him to major in software engineering or any form of engineering really but that quickly became a “hell no” vs “hell yeah” after those courses started to rot his brain?

So what does he do? He decides he’s gonna major in psychology instead!

That seems more of his speed? Kinda? As long as he’s not dealing with that hardware shit then that’s cool with him tbh

Psych held more of his interest since he doesn’t have a issue with the whole science aspect tied into it but it’s deff lengthy and can be draining sometimes too

He doesn’t psychoanalyze everything like our girl marisol does

marisol will be like “hmm...you’re distributing narcissistic behavior based on your superego more than your ego ya know?”

but Rohan will either think it or think nothing of it and just continue to go with the flow lol. He’s that kinda guy

Why was he majoring in this in the first place? Just to say he had the degree in something maybe?

He’s 50/50 thinking he’ll just get the degree he’s halfway there but he really wants to be part of the circus

And now has circus themed tatts that he’s proud of thank u

Always had the obsession with all that comes with the circus, he had his paternal grandfather to thank for that

His grandfather used to juggle along with other forms of entertainment but mostly juggling on the street back in Pakistan to earn $ since there were a lack of jobs

The atmosphere there also was what got him into doing handstands cause why tf not

You can absolutely guess that the acrobats, trapeze acts, and tightrope entertainers are his favorites to watch

His parents just assumed it was a hobby of his and never took him serious even tho he openly said growing up that’s something he would like to do in life

He now understands the purpose of “freak shows” even tho he can honestly say those parts of the circus used to terrify him until he learned that not everyone is the same and there should be no shame in that

He will train on the side until he finishes his degree to make his parents happy but he knows he truly belongs in the circus and that’s where he will be someday whether his parents approve or not— after all this is his life

Lives on campus and is currently looking for a flat off campus to share with a roommate or two (he thought about asking jake & Tim but decided against it FOR NOW)

Mostly had temporary and odd jobs to get by each semester, has not had a steady job due to fully being a full-time student

He’s tried to be a full time student and full time employee (working as a package delivery man) just to burn himself out and never attempted to be a part time employee. It was not something he could handle sorry

His mother spoils him...he’s a bit of a mama’s boy

When it comes to relationships, it never seems to be what he thinks it is? One moment things are going great then the next he’s in the friend zone so he’s never quite sure where he stands with his significant others?

Which is why he thinks it’s safe to always start off in the friend zone or unintentionally puts those who have interest in him in the friend zone because that’s what’s comfortable to him

however if he’s really into you & you’re showing that you’re into him but it’s causal dating or whatever u want to call it? & you up and decide to pick the other over him catching him off guard he’s gonna be in his feelings about it 100% ex.) how he picked erikah over mc the 2nd time around and felt some type of way when erikah hopped on reeses dck

he wants communication even if it’s hard

and he wants someone to love unconditionally and for them to love him back

Definitely likes to sweep his loves off their feet

Especially when he’s kissing! The whole dipping you while you kiss, hand on the small of your back, or hands gripping your waist while he’s pressed up against you. Probably likes to bend you over things or have you pressed up against objects as well—Sign me tf up

I feel like he’s always warm and his hands are surprisingly soft with how many handstands he does in a damn day

He purchases hand moisturizing gloves

can always hold his own weight

enjoys core exercises

Will carry you on his back or his shoulders if you need to see better at festivals/concerts

He’s sexually fluid

It’s canon/hinted that something went on between him & jake when mc walked in that we missed by a few seconds or even a minute but I do think he’s attracted/was to jake and it’s canon that jake is bi bby

Plus he got excited when mc suggested that he’d date jake if jake doesn’t find someone in the villa so BOOM 🤗

Always active as a kid trying to do flips and shit likes he’s doing parkour much like Bobby ending up with bruises, scrapes, and surprisingly no broken bones? Well maybe scratch that last bit out...He did crack his head open a little bit once giving his mother a heart attack but his mother doesn’t dare speak of it — haram!

Loves his sleeveless shirts and silver thick chains

Keeps a five o’clock shadow + might grow a little stubble here and there, feels like it’s part of his signature look

Won’t grow a full beard due to the racism/prejudice he witnessed his father, grandfather, uncles, and cousins go thru!

Will spend coin on some aftershave, none of that cheap shit when it comes to that! Sorry he takes pride in his facial area

probably went thru a mild case of cystic acne when puberty hit & had some insecure moments when it comes to his appearance & still has moments where it’ll hit even tho he beat it thanks to some remedies but tries his best not to let it get to him

He knows how to manage his $ but can splurge every now and then but will never showcase what he has — that’s v corny to him to be overly flashy. He’s looking at y’all @/leggy @/jasper/@/miles

Doesn’t take high quality photos of himself, it’s always zoomed in or extra zoomed in photos—yup he’s got that type of feed

Regrets putting mc in the friend zone & wishes he put more effort in making things work with erikah

But slowly learned to be happy that she’s with Reese even if he wasn’t at first. He really thought there could have been something for him & erikah

he secretly thinks their “relationship” is superficial & based off of shallowness and lust. What else do they have? Nothing that he could have given her but what’s the point in being bitter over this?

Reese is a shit stirrer that thinks he can get anything he wants because of the way he looks & if he knows outside info that he can use again you, he WILL

& erikah? He doesn’t know where her head is at majority of the time. She likes to throw rocks then acts like she didn’t mean to do it but why do it in the first place if you didn’t mean to? + she seems to lose interest fast if they don’t fit her standards besides their physical appearance...yeah Rohan caught all of that

So did she even genuinely like him or want to besides what he brought to the table physically? Who knows

He just thinks people deserve their chance at happiness and he possibly could have had it if he wasn’t standing in his own way...and he absolutely won’t stand in anyone else’s way if they don’t see potential happiness with him

He’s cool with cherry but deep down he knew there wouldn’t be anything long term between him & her after some time. She’s a beautiful/hot girl but she wasn’t his type + he didn’t like how she portrayed herself in the villa even tho she claims there was more than what meets the eye when it comes to her

she proved that to him which she didn’t HAVE to!!! outside of the house and they actually remained friends unlike the now growing distance he has with erikah

I cannoned that him and Hannah give it a go. I think they’d be cute together? She told him from the moment they met at a festival that they were now dating after they ended up holding hands but he didn’t take her seriously since she was a little drunk?

She messaged him two days later asking him when they were going on their date and that was enough for him to give it a go

They only lasted for a couple of months since they outgrew each other slowly but surely. ‘Not all things are temporary,’ he had to remind himself

It was no bad blood thankfully and they continued to be friends with him wishing her well on her new relationship with Carl. He was genuinely happy for her as he always was for his friends

Cannot cook for shit but makes the best coffee with cinnamon & cardamom

once tried to make Aloo Chaat but with a twist! With the use of Potato Skins instead! for a family dinner party and his mum almost sent him home due to the insults his father spewed at rohan trying to fool them all that it was his wife who prepared such a thing

It is evident that his father only enjoys his wife’s cooking

he still makes it for himself when he’s starving despite what his father thinks

Is fluent in Urdu, English came second

Never ashamed of his culture although his father thinks he is...

His fav shows are misfits + the IT crowd and he is currently watching & enjoying truth seekers + mr. selfridge since Tim recommended it to him ofc

his fav American show is the challenge

when asked what his fav American movie is, he got dragged since ppl assumed it would be the greatest showman but he can’t take all the singing...musicals aren’t his thing sorry

But he’ll bust out a rap only if Tim & jake are around, he rarely does it alone

Even looked into producing music for fun but never took THAT seriously

closest with jake & Tim, doesn’t have much of a relationship with the other lads 🤷🏽‍♀️ but there’s no real beef with anyone he knows how to let shit go

But you’ll never catch him having a chat with Reese or following him back on ig. What they had to say to each other was already said and done so?

If erikah agrees to get engaged to Reese, he’s happy for her but cordial to him

if she doesn’t end up with Reese, he’ll be her shoulder to lean on if she needs it

his love language is physical touch with a splash of acts of service

Commonly sleeps curled up, his mum says he was like that in the womb as well—(same dude)

He’s probably a good 5’9 - 5’7 on bad days

Is he a Pisces? Idk

His signature cologne is probably Antaeus by Chanel which is described to have notes of: lemon, lime, coriander and sage w. A blend of thyme, basil and rose

Loves black pepper, specifically garlic, onion, black pepper, and sea salt all mixed together

has a vitiligo spot on the right side of his lower spine that is commonly covered with the waistband of whatever bottoms he has on

has a pogo stick

Wants to go skydiving next, has gone bungee jumping—which was such a adrenaline rush!!!

probably knows a few tips on how to survive in the wild or if the apocalypse hits...you can never be too sure

If he ever gets a pet he might get something like: Satanic Leaf tailed Gecko, Kinkajou, or a Pac-Man frog. He likes being different okay

he actually enjoyed season 3 despite the negative remarks made about it. It was “different” basically drama free which was a shocker knowing how production likes to take things take a shot every time ro explains his decisions/opinions as such lol

BUT he won’t go as far to say he liked it better than his season yet he did enjoy keeping up with it. He def has a crush on iona, aj, vieve, Camilo & tai

Yasmin actually joined one of his lives, which he doesn’t do too often but he couldn’t sleep one night and thought he’d give it a go. She’s quite nice & quiet but he ultimately felt calm around her + they bonded over bohemian lifestyle & his love for the circus + a little about their cultures

Long term goals? He doesn’t have a set timeline of when he wants everything to happen because pressure is not fun

but he wants to be in love and loved back, wants to be married, wants to have kids, wants to try out the circus for awhile and if that doesn’t work out he can always fall back on his psych degree—he just wants to be happy and share that with someone, that’s one of the biggest adventures he can possibly have

His anthem = Blxst, “No Love Lost”

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a-pretty-nerd · 4 years

Text

Run (Jasper Jordan x Reader College!Au)

Request: “Hoi I wanna request a story sadly I don’t have Patreon though so u prob won’t make it hehe. It’s a Jasper Jordan x reader fan fic also I would love if it a High school/college Au and the readers parents don’t approve Jasper so she has to sneak out every time she wants to meet him but soon she finds out she’s pregnant so she runs away with him? Also your work is amazing!” ~ @deadqueeen

A/N: I was just about to say, “I’ve never done a college au before, uwu!” but I forgot about that entire self indulgent smut I wrote…big Oof. Anyways, love this idea, I love some good ol’ fashioned angst. Just a warning though, I did end up leaning heavily into the relationship reader has with their parents so just be prepared for some upsetting interactions.

If you like my work, don’t be afraid to interact! Gimme a like, comment, message, send a request my way if you like! And if you’d like to support me further, go ahead and check out my Patreon! I’d love to see you there!

Trigger Warnings: Mild Smut, Parental abuse, petting crime, and Pregnancy.

College was stressful as it is, but as the months passed, things were getting harder and harder to manage. Come your freshman year, a little thing called Covid-19 hit the world, sending it into a whirlwind of stress and unease.You sat in the shower, letting the warm water fall over your aching body as you stared blankly at your knees. After your panic attack you were left void of emotion and thought, sitting there wondering what to do and how to move. The water was a calming reminder that you were still present and very much alive.

Things had changed very quickly and yet it felt like that change took forever to get to you. Covid hit right before the end of your freshman year, forcing you to move back in with your parents until it “passed.” But it wasn’t passing and now you were starting your sophomore year at home.As stressful as it was, you missed school. You missed your friends, your dorm room, even your part-time job. But most of all, your freedom. You missed the carefree way in which you lived in the dorms. You had a taste or real life and you craved more.

You were trapped, for lack of a better word, imprisoned in your childhood home. You spent days without leaving the confines of it’s walls in a failed attempt to keep you safe and focused on school. Your parents weren’t always so strict, but they made it clear that school should be your top priority and anything else was an unwelcome distraction. Things like your boyfriend, were merely a hindrance to your education.You met Jasper your first day in the dorms. He was bright and smiling like an excited puppy, eager and willing to make new friends and new experiences. You quickly became friends, and then a little more. Before you knew it, the two of you were inseparable. He made you feel so wild and free. He nurtured the fun, carefree side of you that you didn’t even know existed. He cared for you in ways no one ever had before. He was so funny and kind and genuine. He gave you the tools to grow, and with his, you bloomed.

When the pandemic hit, it devastated the two of you. Being isolated and kept from one another proved too much to bare. You remember the first night you snuck out with him, terrified of alerting your parents. They hated Jasper, they forbade you from seeing him. Told you he’d do nothing but keep you down and stifle your potential. If only they could see how happy he made you. If only, they cared.Jasper would creep around to your backyard and gently tap at your bedroom window. 12 am, they’d always be asleep, the perfect time to make a quick get away and then 6am, you’d sneak back through your window.

The adrenaline of misbehaving always drove you crazy. Sneaking around in the dark of the night, stealing chased kisses from one another until it was too much to handle. You fell into each other’s arms almost every night, desperate kisses and moans in between the sound of skin slapping against skin. He made your hair curl.You were his first. He was awkward and silly at times but you whipped him into shape real quick. And now, he was a well trained boy toy ready and willing at any moment you desired. He was always so desperate for you, so needy and greedy for your body. But his kisses, no matter how passionate and crazed, were always so loving. He adored you in every way.

These secret rendezvous went on for months, all summer, it was routine, you couldn’t stay away from him. But, maybe you should have. With more classes fast approaching, you began to think about your future. If only you had the money to move out, you and Jasper could finally have a sense of normalcy. You could move in together, start a life together. But the pandemic and school sucked your savings dry and without the conditioned help from your parents, you were penniless. You finally stood on your shaky legs and lifted yourself out of the show. You dried yourself off, shuffled over to your room, dressing yourself, and waiting till the coast was clear. When all was quiet, you texted Jasper and soon he was at your window. Lucky for you, he wasn’t a far drive away. He gently tapped on the glass and leaned down to flash a big goofy grin from behind your curtains. You opened the window and let him in, shushing him as he fell into the room.

“Hey sweetness.” He whispered, loudly. He planted a soft kiss on your cheek as he held you by your hips.“Please be quiet, you’re making me nervous.” You hushed. His smile disappeared slowly as he examined your face. Your red eyes and puffy cheeks gave away your emotions. He was never good at reading a room, but there was little you could hide from him. He made you transparent.

“Have you been crying?” Worry washed over him as he placed his hands to hold your head and slide his thumbs over the soft skin on your cheeks. You tried to avoid his gaze but failed miserably.“Yeah…” You admitted, wiggling out of his grasp so you could sit on the edge of your bed. Your heart started to race, the anxiety and fear wrenching its was through your body. Even the thoughts made you want to cry again.

“Whats wrong? Did something happen with your parents?” You’d been having fights with them for some time now, and he knew it was taking a tole on you. Jasper offered to being you home to his folks, but his relationship with them was on the rocks as it was. Your small group of close friends were your only support. All things considered, the two of you were left on your own. “No…” You muttered, unable to bring yourself to say it out loud. The tears quickly came back up and started falling again. Your emotions, your fears, your pain took over you. You couldn’t get out a single word before your body jerked uncontrollably as you sobbed. It left a slew of incomplete words spewing from your mouth. “I-I….I-I I’m ….. Mmmm …. I’m …..” gasp, sob “Mmmmmha….” and the sobbing continued.

“Hey…Hey…It’s okay.” He cooed softly to you as he rubbed soft, slow circles on your back. It helped, but not much.“N-No…” you shook as you cried, “I’m-m-m-”

“It’s alright, take deep breaths, you don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.” He whispered to you. You clung to him desperately. It took time, but soon you felt good enough to speak again.“Jasper…”

“What sweetness?” He flashed you his kind and loving smile.“I’m pregnant.” You uttered softly. You watched the color drain from his face. His sweet smile faded away to a scowl and the fear rushed back to you. The sobbing started again as you chanted apology after apology, begging for him to stay with you. He didn’t move, he only held you where you were. Finally spoke.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. This isn’t your fault. We tried, we were safe, it’s not your fault. Shhhhh. It’s okay.” Suddenly a bright light interrupted him. Your bedroom door swing open to reveal the large, looming figure of your mother. “What the hell is going on here!” She screamed. You watched in horror as your mother wrenched Jasper from your arms and threw him out into the living room. You followed her, pleading and begging her to stop as she hurled whatever was in reach at him. Shoes, pillows, plates, before your father reached around his collar to throw him out of the house.

The yelling and screaming continued through the night until the sun came up. Your father nailed your bedroom window shut. Your mother locked your door by pushing furniture in front of it to keep you inside. Your phone, your computer, every form of communication was taken from you. Every mistreatment and punishment being underlined by some iteration of, “this is for your own good” or “this is because we love you.”

You felt stuck in an emotional limbo for days on end as they kept you prisoner. You didn’t have the energy to cry or argue, there was nothing you could do or say. You had sit and stay, like a good girl.

One night you were woken by a soft tapping at your bedroom window. You jolted out of bed to see a pair of familiar eyes pear back. Monty stood on the other outside, a face mask and baseball cap hiding his features. He held up a notebook with writing on it and pressed it against the glass.

“Are you okay?” It read. You rushed to find paper and write back.

“I’m fine. Wheres Jasper?”

“Your Dad threatened to shoot him if he saw him again. So he sent me.” He wrote back.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. We’re busting you out of here.”

“How? They’re getting security cameras installed tomorrow.” Monty looked visibly concerned and thought for a moment before responding.

“Then we’ll have to do it tonight. Pack what you can. We’ll be back to get you in an hour.”

“How are you going to get me out? The window is nailed shut, I can’t get out.”

“Don’t worry. Just be prepare to run.” And with that, he left. You packed what you could. A few items of clothing, necessities, and water. You thought about leaving a note. Maybe telling your parents about your pregnancy, they had missed that part of your conversation, thank god. You decided against it, you still didn’t know what to do. Regardless, it was safe to say you could kiss your funding for school goodbye. You’d be on your own from now on. Well, not entirely.

You heard shuffling outside your bedroom window and looked outside to see two dark figures racing past. You watched as Bellamy peered in, face also obscured by a mask, and waved at you. Jasper’s mask covered face popped into view and planted his palm on the window before holding up a notebook.

“Get away from the window, and be prepared to run.” It read. As soon as you nodded in agreement, Jasper disappeared from view. You watched Bellamy swing his arms back with a crow bar in hand. The window shattered with a loud crash, glass flying all over your bedroom. He reached a hand out to you, his grasp firm as you clung to his forearm. You were pulled through to the outside and fell to the ground below.

“Go, go, go, run!” Bellamy whispered, loudly. You looked up at your parent’s house as the sound of dogs barking rang in your ears. Lights flew on from the house as well as neighbor’s lights. You felt so stiff and ridged. The urge to run suppressed by your fear. Jasper reached down and took your hand in his. You looked up at him, his eyes wide with urgency. He tugged at your arm, begging you to get up and run with him.

Suddenly, you felt free. You felt the strength to get up and push forward. Running with him to a car parked outside the house. The three of you bolted, tripping over yourselves as you raced against the clock. As soon as you were in the car, Octavia greeted you with a big toothy grin.

“Drive! Drive!Drive!” Jasper shouted at her. Her smile disappeared as she looked back at Jasper with you before her attention went back to the car. The engined roared as she adjusted the gears and soon you were off. Still panting, you looked back at your childhood home and saw your parents tumble out of the front door to try and chase after the car. Your dad tried to chase after the car, but stopped when he realized it was no use. Their figures soon disappeared.

Octavia cheered triumphantly as you turned back to catch your breath. A great big smile stretched across your face. You’d never felt so free before. You looked over to see Jasper still panting but sporting a bright smile as he looked at you. He reached a hand around the back of your head and pulled you in for a passionate kiss. You laughed and basked in the blissful feeling the adrenaline gave you.

Soon the moment passed and you were left holding one another’s hand as Octavia drove you to Bellamy’s apartment. You stayed the night, planned your escape. Apparently Jasper’s parents didn’t know he was leaving either, meaning the two of you were officially on the run. You had to leave town, like, now.

You pooled what money the two of you had, quick to take cash out of your account before your parents could freeze your debit card. Enough to get you out of town and settled in a hotel for a few nights, maybe even a few meals. But you couldn’t afford much without work after that. Lucky for the two of you, a friend from the dorms lived just a town over. You could stay with her a few days while you looked for work.

“What are you going to do?” Bellamy asked with a dark expression as he stared at you.

“What?” You were confused, hadn’t you just laid out your plan?

“Jasper told me you were...you have another problem.” His eyes flashed between the two of you before resting on you again, he was careful to not say anything too pointed.

“Oh...I...I don’t know.” You said under a whisper. Jasper rested a firm hand on your knee.

“How long have you known?” Octavia asked.

“Like a few days. Theres still time to think about it, I just...I just wanna get out right now.” Bellamy nodded his head.

“If you guys need anything, don’t be afraid to call okay?” He handed you a prepaid phone. You thanked them for your help, packed up, and left the next night. You hid under masks and baseball hats as you sat at the bus station. The cool night air brushed against you skin as you admired the bright lights of the street lamps above. Jasper squeezed your hand in his to get your attention. You looked at one another and smiled under your mask.

You’d never tell him this, but during the coarse of your relationship you had always worried about Jasper. Worried that maybe you weren’t as serious as you felt. Maybe you were just a little fun to him, the rush of a forbidden romance being what drove him to you. But now, with him so willing run. So willing to leave his comfortable life just for you. Regardless of the responsibilities that came with it. He chose you, without a second thought, he chose you.

The dark street road was empty and serene. You watched as bats flew down to catch bugs that swarmed the lights above you. Despite your situation, you felt safe and warm there beside him. For the first time, you felt confident that everything is going to be okay.

#jasper jordan #jasper jordan imagine #jasper jordan smut #jasper x reader #jasper jordan x reader #The 100 #the 100 au #The 100 college au #the 100 imagine #jasper jordan x pregnant reader #jasper

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fitzs-trained-monkey · 3 years

Text

Chapter Thirty-Four: The Revelation

Rated PG-13 For mentions of abuse, trigger topics such as suicidal thoughts, torture, language, and kidnaping.

Masterlist

~I am not the only traveler

And then I can tell myself

I had all and then most of you

When the night was full of terrors

There aren't very many things worse than watching one's little brother die. I think the only thing worse than that is enduring it twice. I had already had to watch Jasper be slaughtered like a pig in front of me. Wasn't that torture enough for a lifetime? Was having to salt and burn my own brother the universe's twisted idea of a joke? This wasn't funny!

What kind of cruel world was I living in? Why did my last words to my precious little brother have to be empty promises? How was that okay? Jasper would spend the rest of eternity waiting for me to show up, tell him my stories, and tuck him into bed, but I never would. Because if I lived, I would be stuck down here on this awful planet, reliving the same day over and over and over again. And if the Winchester's decided to kill me when they found out what I was, then I wouldn't be going to heaven. I already knew where I would go. It wasn't anywhere good.

Well, if my life was a joke then I hoped at least somebody was getting a kick out of it.

I knew I wasn't.

From the top of the stairs, I heard Sam, Dean, and Cas open the sliding glass door and shuffle outside. Jack firmly insisted on staying here. He probably thought he should stay in case I ' needed him ' for comfort or something.

'Well, joke's on you, puppy, cause I don't need anyone.' I thought, bitterly. I traveled down the dark hallway to my room, the one with the plain white door all the way down on the end. The door opened with a soft click and squeaky hinges and I kicked it shut behind me.

My room was exactly how I had left it. Not a single thing was out of place. Of course, it was about as far away from immaculate as anything can get. There were pieces of paper strewn all over the desk, plenty of wadded-up sketches in the trash can and even more outside the trash, pencils were left in strange places, and mix-matched fairy-lights draped over way too many things. Miscellaneous articles of clothing were draped over a chair, clustered around the laundry basket, crumpled on the bed, and a few were even hanging from the doorframe of the closet. The bed wasn't made, the blankets and sheets hopelessly tangled together and there was an atrocious number of glow-in-the-dark stars glued to the roof. Oh, and let us not forget the rainbow-colored streamers hanging from the ceiling fan, so really everything was just an absolute mess.

But it was a comforting mess and that's how that girl who used to be me had lived. She had been a scatterbrained, messy-haired, and bright-eyed sort of girl, she'd had so much potential. That girl could have great. Her mess comforted me too. Maybe she wasn't as dead as I'd thought.

"Well, I'm just about done with this whole damn popsicle-stand of existence. You?" Isaac asked, sounding more dead than he looked.

"Done," I agreed. "So, so done."

I flopped down on my already messy bed, staring up at the tacky stars on the ceiling while I tried to come to terms with the fact that I'd never see my little brother again. I couldn't feel the prickling of tears forming in my eyes. I guess I'd run all out of tears to cry. Lucky me. I felt like throwing up.

"Should we go down fighting or give up and roll over? What say you?" Isaac collapsed at the foot of my bed.

"What's the point in fighting?" I asked, shaking my head.

"Dunno." He shrugged. "Frequent flyer miles?"

"So... Nothing?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Maybe I would just attack the Winchesters once I tore Felix to sheds. Maybe they wouldn't kill me fast. Maybe they'd make me suffer. Then maybe I could cry like I was supposed to.

I had hardly been debating those thoughts for a minute when I heard footsteps pounding up the stairs. Oh, joy. Five minutes of peace was all I'd asked for and apparently I couldn't even get that. Screw my life.

The door flew open with an overly dramatic bang but I didn't flinch. Jack stood in the doorway, eyes alight like molten gold. I turned my head lazily to face him, aware of my void expression but ultimately indifferent to it. I couldn't even bring myself to act like the fake version of myself I had made to fool the Winchesters. I felt oddly numb like nothing mattered. Because honestly, what did? Not even getting my revenge on Felix would change anything. Things wouldn't get better, my life would still suck to an astronomical degree, and this whole stupid world would just keep turning like it always did. Getting revenge was just self-indulgence, really. So what if Jack saw the real me for a couple of hours?

With luck, I'd be dead by morning.

With luck, he'd be the one to kill me.

I deserved it.

"Welcome to the year Nineteen-Thirty, puppy. What do you want?" I addressed him. My tone was clipped, calloused, and cold, but I didn't care.

Jack's eyes were glowing and the air was charged with his power; it made my hair stand on end and my ears hurt like when a plane takes off. Yet, oddly enough, if there and been one in my hand, I would have been swirling chocolate milk in a wine glass for all I'd cared.

Jack didn't answer me. His mouth opened and closed and opened and closed. There was something in his eyes, something akin to desperation. He knew what he wanted to say but the words died in his throat.

"You deaf, honey-bug?" I lifted an eyebrow and took an actual glance at his expression. He didn't look angry. He looked...

Terrified.

And shocked.

And torn.

And betrayed.

I did this. It was me. I had hurt him.

His hands clutched an object tightly between them with enough force to turn his knuckles white. It was a picture frame. I caught a glimpse of the picture within; it had been taken two weeks to the day I'd died. I looked back up to his eyes.

Ah, yes. There it was. The recognition. What a clever, clever boy.

He'd finally put all the pieces together.

'Well, good for him.'

"Uh, oh spaghetti-oh's; looks like the Nephil knows," Isaac droned from the foot of my bed.

"What are you?" Jack asked, his voice trembling. He blinked back tears, biting down on his lower lip to keep it from trembling.

I blinked, feeling sick. I didn't want to lose him, I realized. As much as the bitterness inside me tempted me to bite into him and taste his sweet blood or tell him the truth and watch him squirm just for a distraction from the pain, I couldn't. Because then I'd lose him. I didn't want to lose him. I'd already lost Jazzy today for the second time, I couldn't lose Jack too.

Isaac turned to me, his expression as empty as mine. "Ya gonna tell him?"

"I am Miss. Nidsbit," I answered, flatly. It was supposed to sound friendly like I was teasing, but it only came off as evasive. Jack glared at me. It was already happening; I was already losing him. I guess I deserved that much.

"Don't joke," He said.

"I thought it was hilarious," Isaac chimed.

"In that case, I'm bottled-depression." I flashed my teeth in a way that held no joy whatsoever. "Pint-sized for your convenience," I added, trying for a familiar joke about my height. It sounded empty.

"That was better," My brother snickered, leaning back and closing his eyes. He was probably just going to keep making sarcastic jabs in an attempt to vent his anger, so I ignored him.

"I asked you a question," Jack growled in a way that somehow managed to be threatening despite the whole baby-face puppy-eyed thing he had going on. It was actually kinda hot... Wait, what? When had that happened?

"And I answered you." I sat up. Why did I sound so bitter? Why couldn't I change it? My eyes flicked down to Jack's throat without my permission. His skin looked so soft and I realized I was suddenly famished. My throat burned and desire reared its ugly head inside me. Isaac's voice snapped my attention back to reality.

"Oh dear, Marty. You made the Nephil sniffle."

Jack clenched his teeth and hissed, seemingly bothered by the fact that I wasn't afraid of him. He wouldn't hurt me, right? No, he would. He would hurt me if he knew. If he knew what I wanted to do to him. I wanted him to hold me as he had a few days ago but I wanted to sink my teeth into him at the same time. I deserved to die.

"What are you?" He repeated, taking a step forward. He would hurt me. Good.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied, my voice inflectionless. Wandering towards my dresser I started fiddling with some meaningless piece of junk. Anything for a distraction from his soft throat and thrumming pulse. Jack's glowing eyes followed me.

"Y-you're lying," He said. He was trying to sound strong, but there was something broken in his tone.

"Ya think?" I deadpanned. Jack swallowed thickly; his hand shot out to grab my wrist, eyes fading back to their soft blue.

"This isn't funny, Marty. Stop." His eyes pleaded with me. I eyed his hand.

"Or what?" I challenged. What would he do to me? He looked me in the eyes, frowning and moving closer to me. He needed to step away. I caught my gaze drifting to his neck again but I couldn't stop.

"I really don't want to hurt you," He said.

'Then don't make me tell you.' I thought. His eyes searched my face for any glimpse of his friend, but that girl had never been real, not really anyway. I had made her up.

I wished I could go back in time. Back to the night we met. We could do it all over again and maybe, if I had another chance, he wouldn't figure it out. Maybe it would've been better if I'd never come with Jack in the first place. I wished we could go back to the night we met. Then I could have said no. If I hadn't come with him, I never would have hurt Jack like this. If he had never touched me then I would never have had to feel this pain. If I could just go back.

"And you won't," I said, taking a chance.

Jack huffed, his expression pained.

"This is freakin' five-star entertainment," Isaac mused, resting his chin on his fist, observing Jack and me.

"Please, Marty," Jack begged in a whisper. His sweet-smelling breath was warm as it washed over my face. His eyes flicked down to my lips but only for a split second. No, no. Anything but that. "Just tell me the truth."

'You already know it.'

"I have," I lied. Everything kept coming out wrong! I sounded emotionless like I didn't care but I did! Jack's soft expression melted into one of betrayal.

"So, you're just going to lie?" He asked. "Right to my face?"

I didn't have control over what slipped from my lips next.

"Says the Devil's kid."

"Ooh! One point to the Marty!" Isaac laughed.

Jack stared at me like he was heartbroken. Then his eyes narrowed into a glare, lighting with gold as he released my wrist and moved his hand to seize my throat. He whirled us around and slammed me into a wall with more force than I'm sure than he intended to use. Not that I couldn't take it. Without so much as a flinch, I tilted my head as much as I could with Jack cutting off my air supply.

"Tell me what you are!" He shouted. There was desperation there.

"That's quite the grip ya got there, puppy," I taunted, rasping. He loosened his grip but only slightly, holding the picture of my family up for me to see, the corner was dated January 8th, 2014.

"You said they died five years ago. This picture- it was taken five years ago! You said you were nine then! But y-you - you weren't!" Jack's eyes were wide, almost crazed as he glanced from the girl in the picture and back to me. He knew the truth; he just didn't want to believe it. His voice softened. "You haven't aged a day. Five years and you haven't aged a day."

My voice was soft and it wasn't just from the lack of air. "I aged about a month, actually."

Jack let go of my throat like I was burning him, shaking his head as he backed away like a frightened animal. As well he should. He was the prey here and I did want to kill him. But I wanted him to hold me again even more. "Y-you're one of them..." He whispered.

'Don't leave me. I'm sorry, just don't leave me!' I thought desperately, but that wasn't what came out. I felt trapped in my own skin, the monster inside me taking over, fed by my own bitterness.

"I'd say something along the lines of 'say it out loud' but I'm pretty sure that would have copywrite issues," I said, shrugging and moving back to sit on my bed. Jack watched me carefully.

"Felix - h-he turned you. He made you just like him - a vampire... You're a monster!" He spat the word like it was snake-venom.

And it hurt. It hurt so freaking bad. It was like I had lodged a knife in my own chest years ago and now Jack was twisting it.

'I know I am.' I wanted to say.

"Well that's a harsh way of putting it. But I've been called worse." I brushed it off like I didn't care like it wasn't that deep like I wasn't bleeding to tell him how sorry I was. I lowered my head in shame.

"I-I have to tell Sam and Dean," Jack said, shifting onto the balls of his feet, edging towards the door. He was going to make a run for it. Suddenly, I was in control of my body again.

I couldn't let him. I needed more time. I needed to beat Felix first and then they could all find out. I had to fix this. I could still fix this.

I had made Jack forget once.

I could do it again.

I would take us back in time. Before he knew. Make everything right. Take us back to the night we met.

He had to forget.

"I can't let you do that," I spoke softly, my gaze still focused on my feet.

"Are you going to try to kill me?" He asked accusingly.

"No." I shook my head. No, I could never kill him. I was too selfish for that. He deserved someone so much better than me. But I loved him.

"Then what are you going to do?" Jack shifted closer to the exit.

"Isaac," I glanced at my brother out of the corner of my eye. Jack stiffened, his eyes snapping to where mine went. "Get the door."

"On it!" Isaac said, overly eager. Jack bolted but he was too slow. My brother flicked his wrist and the door swung closed with a click. Jack swallowed thickly and glanced back to me, fear filling his features. I knew what he was going to try next.

'This is necessary. One day I'll be sorry.'

"His wings," I said to Isaac, my voice breaking. Isaac grinned widely and reached out, making a pinching motion. Jack froze in a panic, then he clenched his eyes shut groaning as Isaac twisted his hands just a bit.

"Can I rip 'em off?" He asked, basking in the Nephilim's pain.

"Isaac, no!"

"Oh, come on," He twisted his hands even more and Jack cried out, his innocent face twisting in agony. "Just a little?"

"Stop! Just-" I sighed. "Please, don't hurt him, Isaac. Just keep him still, please."

Isaac rolled his eyes. "Oh, fine!" He let go and Jack fell to the ground, panting and shaking. He did his best to get to his feet but Isaac flung him into a wall, pinning him there. "Go ahead and Obliviate the simp."

I stood and stepped towards Jack, slowly and carefully, trying not to scare him any more than I had. I could tell he was trying desperately to move but Isaac was too strong.

"What are you going to do?" Jack demanded, trying to hide the fear in his voice. "Are you going to drink my blood?!"

I froze.

Because I could. Then, I could make him forget.

I glanced at his throat. My fangs ached to come out - to bite. I could imagine what it might feel like to bury my teeth in that soft, delicious-smelling skin. I could imagine what he might taste like. He'd be sweet like candy. I could be gentle! Maybe if he could somehow understand how badly I needed him then he'd let me. And he heals fast so he'd be okay.

But he wouldn't understand. And I wanted him to hold me again.

I just wanted Jack to hold me again.

"No," I said. I plucked the picture frame from his hands, gazing at the smiles of my family for a moment. I looked up, trying to smile despite the ache of grief and guilt in my chest. "I'm going to need you to forget this."

"I wish I could," Jack said, glaring at the floor. He couldn't even look at me. He couldn't even look.

I nodded. "You will."

"W-what?"

I sighed and moved over to the window. The crisp breeze blew in from the sea as I threw it open, the curtains billowing like vicious barking dogs on a leash. It was a long way down to the black rocks where the land met the ocean. I dropped the picture and watched it tumble until it smashed into the rocks, shattering that perfect picture frame, shattering my picture-perfect family into a million pieces.

"I can make you forget," I told him, over my shoulder. "Take us back to the night we met." The power inside me trilled with excitement; it wanted Jack, it craved him. Or maybe that was just the monster I was, begging to be unleashed. I turned away from the window, closing it as I did.

"What do you mean?" He asked cautiously. He was scared. He was so scared.

"I'm going to talk to you, and then you're going to forget, and everything will be back to the way it was." I would fix this. His arms would be around me as soon as I fixed this and everything would be okay. I hung my head and let the power inside me launch forward and wrap itself like chains around my Nephilim. I could feel his light, his grace, fighting back but it had nothing substantial to fight. My power wasn't physical, I just imagined it being so.

"No! W-wait!" Jack watched me with dread, beginning to feel the effects of what I was doing to him. I was locking his memories away, locking him up in his own head. But I had to. Because he wouldn't understand and I needed him.

"I have to do this," I whispered, digging my mental claws in deeper.

"Stop," He gasped, beginning to tremble with effort, "Whatever you're doing, just stop!"

"I can't stop, Jack. I'm sorry, but I just need a little more time," I said, gently. "Four moves and I win."

"Four moves..." He mumbled to himself, his brows furrowing, "Four moves? I-I've heard that before. Where have I heard that before?" Then he groaned and squeezed his eyes shut again.

"Please, just forget. I need you to forget."

'I need you to hold me again.'

"Get out of my head!" Jack's voice rose with panic. He flinched away from me as much as he could but Isaac kept him pinned and helpless.

"I'm gonna make everything okay again. I promise." I fought harder against him, willing my power to work faster. Jack moaned and I glanced up to see his face contorted with pain.

"Please!" He begged me, grimacing, "Please, stop! Marty, please. It hurts." I tried harder, and a choked sob escaped his throat. "Marty, please! It hurts! It hurts! You have to stop! Please!"

"I wish you hadn't found out, Jack, and one day I'll be sorry about this."

"Wait. Wait, no!"

I pushed my power harder than I ever had before.

A horrifying scream of pure agony ripped from Jack's throat. But the walls of this house were built to withstand hurricanes. I was the only one who could hear him. With one last burst of effort, I overpowered the walls of his grace and my power flooded his mind, wiping away any memories of what I was. His scream faltered into groans and those softened into whimpers and Jack's body went limp.

Isaac let go and the Nephilim collapsed but I caught him before his head hit the floor. Carding my fingers through his hair, I pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. Picking him up, I carried him to my bed and laid him there. He weighed more than I did, obviously, but he didn't feel very heavy to me. I laid down beside him, hugging him around the middle and pressing my face into his chest.

Then I finally cried.

"I hope you can forgive me before I'm sorry. Because I'm a liar and don't think I'll ever really regret this."

***

"You hear something?" Sam asked, perking up. Castiel sat dutifully on a large black bolder, watching the house. The angel flicked his eyes to Sam and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head before focusing back on the house.

"Hm? Uh, no." Dean hardly spared a glance. He was too busy drawing inappropriate words in the sand with his foot. Sam frowned.

"Weird." He shook his head, swallowing thickly as he paced back and forth across the moonlit sand.

"Martina threw a picture frame from her window and it shattered against the rocks approximately sixty-two feet south-east of where you are standing," Castiel informed him, "Perhaps that's what you heard."

Sam shook his head again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No, no. It, uh, it wasn't that. I just- I-I coulda' sworn I heard someone..." He trailed off. 'Scream,' He wanted to say. The sound had been like a phantom pain; intense yet insubstantial.

'Just like the visions...' Sam thought. But no. That wasn't possible. He hadn't had a vision or any manifestation of psychic abilities for going on twelve years! He was probably just imagining things. Sam pushed the thought away as soon as it had come. It was impossible... Right?

Yet still, his eyes wandered to the window on the upstairs floor of the dark house; the only window with a slim shaft of light peaking through the curtains. Because what if...

No .

No. Everything was fine, Jack would have alerted them if there was any danger - or at least - the brothers and their angel would've been able to see if Jack thought there was any danger. Judging by the lack of explosions, Sam could assume that everything was fine.

There was no trap here after all. Although, if he thought about it, that may have been the trap in itself. That monster called Felix had lured Marty back here to relive the most painful day of her life. There had been no vamps waiting to do her any physical harm, but Felix didn't need them to. He just wanted that poor, sweet, little girl to hurt.

And, boy was she hurting.

Sam knew how it felt to lose a brother. He knew how it felt to watch his brother die twice. Hell! Sam had watched Dean die more than one hundred times on the one hundred worst Tuesdays of his life. It had made him feel empty inside - hollow. Like somebody had scraped out everything inside of him, the good and the bad, and had left an utter nothingness in its place. And in the face of all that nothing, fear had gripped Sam's heart like a vice. Fear of that emptiness - of all the unspeakable things it made him willing to do. Sam had been willing - eager even - to do whatever it took if it meant filling that awful hole inside of him.

That was what scared him. It was that ruthlessness. It was that titanium will he'd always shied away from. It was when he'd looked into a mirror and seen John Winchester staring back at him. Deep down, that was what both Sam and Dean had always feared the most. Becoming their father. Becoming the shell of a man that had raised them.

Sam could see the beginnings of a similar shell-forming in Martina. He had seen it when they'd rescued her from that shed the week before. Her shell wasn't made of hate like John's had been - not completely at least. Marty's shell had come from grief and fear. She was just trying to hide; both from Felix and from the shell of a person that she was becoming. Jack had told Sam about Marty's memory gaps - about how she couldn't remember what had happened in the shed after she had left. Sam knew that traumatized people tend to blot things out, it was common. But things like the shed and her return to her childhood home could only serve to send Marty further into her shell.

And the last thing the world needed was another John Winchester.

"These kids were livin' a dream, aye Sammy?"

Sam frowned as Dean's mumbled words knocked him from his train of thought. "H-how do you mean?"

"I mean, look! They had everything!" He said, gesturing from the white sand of the beach to the black rocks to the brine woods. His tone and expression grew sober. "Just like a little fairy-tale. And, I mean, three psychics? Those kids - they had a lotta' potential. So smart and talented and now..." Dean trailed off with a frown.

"Yeah..." Sam quietly agreed. Dean turned to his brother with a pensive expression.

"Got me thinkin', maybe-" He sighed. It was hard for him to say and he didn't want to say it. Even though Dean knew that Marty was capable of more than she seemed and that she could affect his emotions, he didn't really care.

Well, he did care . Dean hated people screwing with his head or his feelings, period. But somehow Marty was different. He didn't really care to admit it, but Dean had always wanted a daughter. A sweet soul he could love and care for but definitely, with a badass side, he could bestow his knowledge upon. Claire was a close as he had gotten but she had already grown up and she didn't want his help. To Claire, Dean was only a painful reminder of all she'd lost.

And, of course, there was Emma.

But Dean didn't like to think about her.

Thinking about Emma was too painful.

But Marty was still young, and she didn't see Dean the way Clair did. Marty looked at Dean with hope in her eyes and he desperately wanted to keep it that way.

Jack had used to look at him that way. Jack didn't look at him like that anymore.

Because Dean had messed up with Jack. He could admit that now. He'd messed up and he'd messed up bad. Things had gotten better between them; little by little over time. But Jack hadn't even been five days old when Dean had promised to take his life. After that, Jack had only watched Dean with fear. Not hope. Just sheer friggin' terror on his face whenever the elder Winchester walked into the room. And though things had gotten better, they'd always have that promise between them.

That promise from the night when if Dean had only been a better person he could have made things better and not worse like he always did. (Because he was always making things worse. Always too selfish. Always screwing things up. Always getting people hurt. It was always him, always his fault.) Dean could've snatched that knife from Jack's hands and told him it was going to be alright even if it didn't seem like it would be. And Dean could've given the kid the kind of hug he should've been given the day he was born; a father's hug, just like Castiel would have given him if he'd been alive to do it. Because that was Cas's son. That was Cas's kid! Oh, God... Cas... How could Dean have let his best friend down so horribly? Cas, who had given everything up for him and his brother. Cas had saved them time and time again at his own expense. Cas, who would bleed every drop of blood he had with a smile on his face, all in the name of the Winchesters. How could Dean have betrayed him like that? It wasn't enough for Dean to just let the angel die! (It was Dean's fault, of course. It always was. How couldn't it be? He could have prevented it. If he'd just been a little faster or a little smarter.) No, he had to go and tear that innocent kid to pieces just cause he was sad. (So, selfish. How could he be so selfish? Why was he always so selfish?) Cas had trusted Dean with his son and Dean had repaid him with the promise to take Jack's life. No wonder Jack still could hardly bear to look Dean in the eyes. How could he? Dean wasn't meant to be a father to anyone. He was too frickin' selfish for that.

But this time, things would be different. This time around, Dean would be different - he would be better. For once in his life, he would be selfless and he'd do the right thing even if it possibly meant giving up his only chance to raise a little girl. Because, despite being tainted by darkness and tears, there was still so much good inside Martina Linville. She had so much potential, with the right chances, she could grow up to be great. But she would need those right chances and she wouldn't get them if she stayed with the Winchester's broken little family. All they brought to people was tears and death.

Dean didn't want that for her. She deserved better. Just like Dean himself and his brother had deserved better. She deserved to live a life free from all this pain - a good life, a happy life. Dean wanted that for her. Dean just wanted to help. That was all he'd ever wanted. The last thing Marty needed was more darkness in her life. She didn't need them in her life.

She didn't need him in her life.

So, Dean would be selfless and he would let her go and he would give her the chance to shine like the stars she loved so much. It was probably the most fatherly thing he could do for her. 'Cause Dean just wasn't cut out to be a Dad.

But, oh, did he wish he could be one. Even though he knew that Marty's empathic abilities were probably what was making him feel so strongly about her, Dean couldn't help but go along with it. It wasn't like she was stuffing thoughts in his head; his feelings may have been bolstered but Dean's mind was his own. Dean had always wanted a daughter, Marty hadn't made that up that wish, she'd just reminded him of it. He felt awful about how he had treated Jack and craved a chance at redemption for his mistakes; Dean had made those choices, all Marty had done was exist to give him a chance. Sure, she was rioting his emotions. But what did that matter? Because Dean wanted this and damn it! This felt real!

But he couldn't have it.

Because Dean, and his brother, and their angel, and - yes - even Jack -- it was all some sick, screwed up, god damn beautiful tragedy -- But they were the last thing Martina Linville needed.

So, Dean would be selfless.

"Thinkin' about what?" Sam's question shook Dean from his reverie and back to what he'd been meaning to say.

"Maybe we should put her into the system after all this," He said, thoughtfully, though there was regret in his tone also. Sam blinked twice, shaking his head.

"W-what? The system? You mean the foster system?" He asked, incredulously.

"Yeah? Something wrong with that?" Dean responded. Sam gaped at him.

"Is something wrong with that? Dean, everything is wrong with that!" He exclaimed. Dean opened his mouth to argue but Sam didn't let him. "We made Marty a promise! Just this morning you said she was part of the family. Was all that just talk?"

"No, but-"

"Then what the Hell was it, Dean? Because you can't just go back on something like that! We said we'd take care of her," Sam huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at his older brother.

"And that's exactly what we'd be doing," Dean argued, "Giving her a place that's safe."

"Who would take her in? She's fourteen and she's got more trauma than some war veterans, I don't-"

"Exactly!" Dean cut him off. "The kid's got issues! She needs help, the professional kind."

"Since when do you promote therapy? Sam scoffed.

"When it doesn't involve me," Dean grumbled. Sam shook his head, getting back to the point.

"Throwing her on a bunch of strangers with no clue what she's been through, and who couldn't possibly understand her even if they knew, isn't going to help her! She'd get tossed around or thrown into some group therapy home till she's eighteen and then they'd dump her back on the streets where we found her! How is that taking care of her?"

"It's getting her out of this life, Sam," Dean said firmly. Sam glared.

"You mean getting her out of your life," The younger brother spat lowly.

"What did you just say?" Dean asked dangerously.

"You heard me."

"You have somethin' ya wanna say to my face, Sammy?" Dean growled.

"Dean," Castiel said his name like a warning, his hand gripping Dean's shoulder, holding him back.

"Yeah, I do." Sam's nostrils flared and his mouth was pressed into a thin line. "I'm not gonna stand by and watch you do this again."

"Do what again?" Dean questioned, Cas' hand on his shoulder reminding him to keep calm.

"This thing you do. Anytime a kid comes along, you do this. You act all annoyed, then right as you start liking having 'em around something happens and you realize the responsibility and it freaks you out so you back off and you push 'em away."

"I don't do that," Dean said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah? 'Cause you did it with Kevin, you did it with Claire, you did it with Jack, and now you're doing it again right now with Marty. The second things get real, you get scared and you run away." Sam kept eye contact with Dean, challenging him to look away. Dean clenched his teeth, his pride preventing him from losing the contest of wills.

"Quit fooling yourself, Sam. Look at me!" Dean's voice broke just a little. But he cleared his throat, quick to cover his mistake. "Er, at us, I mean. We can't raise a kid!" He protested.

"We raised Jack," Sam countered.

"Because there were literally no better alternatives!" Dean seethed. Sam opened his mouth but Dean wasn't done. Hyperaware of Castiel's presence just behind him, guilt ate at his heart. But Dean had never been very good at apologies. "And I even screwed that up! I'm not Dad material, Sam. I'm just not!"

His outburst of emotion made Sam blink, rendering him momentarily speechless. He could have spoken his next words gently but pride made them come out like acid.

"I don't think that's what Ben thought," He hissed. Sam knew it was a low-blow bringing up Ben. That wound was still sore.

"Yeah?" Dean laughed but there was no humor in it. "WELL LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT!" He yelled. Sam tensed but didn't back off.

"Something isn't real because it lasts, Dean," Sam said, speaking just a little bit gentler now. "For however short a time, Ben had a dad that loved and cared about him. For however short a time, you made him happy. You say you're not dad material, but that's not what I saw. If that's what you're so worried about, then don't be. 'Cause you made an pretty awesome dad, Dean, even if Ben doesn't remember."

Dean sighed in defeat. "We have nothing to give her, Sam."

"We have trust and understanding, a-and that's more than some random foster home could give her."

Dean shook his head. "It doesn't have to be random."

"What do mean?"

"Jody," He suggested, "I mean, she's already got Claire and Alex. What's one more?"

Sam sighed through his nose, shaking his head. "Yeah, she's got Claire and Alex-" He paused giving his older brother a pointed look. "- And Patience and Kaia. What's one more? That's only five emotionally unstable teenage girls to take care of, on top of a full time job as a sheriff, and hunting to worry about too."

"I agree with Sam," Castiel spoke up, "We cannot simply dump yet another troubled youth onto the already burdened shoulders of Sheriff Mills." Sam gestured to the angel as if accentuate his point.

"But at least she'd be safe," Dean argued, pursing his lips into a thin line.

"From monsters, sure," Sam agreed, nodding. Dean could sense a ' but ' coming. "But not from herself."

"Jody could help Marty just as much as we could - probably more!" He said. Dean could hear Sam grind his teeth in frustration, but Cas held up a hand to speak.

"I don't think that's true, Dean."

"Why not?" Dean asked the angel.

"'Why not?' Haven't you been listening?" Sam exclaimed. Cas shot the younger Winchester a look and he fell silent.

"I am sure Sheriff Mills is a competent and kind woman; however, Martina does not know or trust her. Sending her to live there would only be marginally better than shipping her off to a stranger," The angel stated, evenly.

"What's that gotta do with what Sam said?" Dean asked. Cas gave him a long-suffering look but continued in perfect patience.

"As weary as I am of Martina's true motives and intentions, I think it is plenty clear the choice she faces after the termination of her family's killer. That is, if she has not made her decision already."

Dean's face scrunched with confusion. "What choice is that?"

"The choice of continuing to live free from the threat of Felix Monroe, or..." The angel trailed off, frowning. His tone made Dean feel like there was a knot in his chest.

"Or what?" He pressed, cautiously. Cas sighed.

"Or to end her life and return to her family," Cas finished, soberly.

Dean was stunned. He hadn't thought- He had never realized.

"Wait, whoa. Are you telling me Marty wants to commit suicide?" His eyes were wide with fear and alarm. She was too young for that. Too young to want to kill herself. No. She couldn't. Dean wouldn't let that happen. "Where's this coming from?" He demanded. Sam glared at him.

"She told her little brother she'd be with him soon. Combine that with the scars on her wrists, and it's really not that hard to figure out," He said, coolly.

Scars? Dean understood now. That was why she was always wearing long sleeves, even in the sweltering heat of Florida. Sam took advantage of his older brother's silence.

"Think about it, Dean," He pushed, "Sending her away from first people she's allowed herself to get attached to in five years? You think that will help?"

The thought made Dean reconsider but Sam had more to say.

"A-and think of Jack! You've seen how much he cares about her. I've seen him smile more in these last two and a half weeks than he did in the five months since we got him back from Apocalypse World. What do you think would happen if he found Marty laying in a pool of her own blood? What do you think that would do to him?"

"It would kill him." Dean sighed, nodding in agreement and Sam cracked a smile.

"I mean, we both know he loves her, Dean. And I-I don't mean like a sister," The younger brother said, fondly. Dean chuckled and the tension in the air cleared.

"Yeah, there's definitely a thing there." He shook his head, grinning. "I mean, it's totally weird but it's a thing." Sam nodded and shrugged.

"Well, I dated a demon. I don't think I can judge."

"You can say that again!" Dean laughed.

The sudden chime of a phone ringing cut through the cool nighttime air like a knife and Dean reached to answer. The smile dropped from his face as soon as he caught a glance at the screen.

"Who is it?" Castiel asked.

"Blocked," Dean answered, apprehension filling his voice, "Three guesses as to who." He mumbled, sliding a finger across the screen to pick up the call and putting it on speaker.

"This is Dean Winchester," He announced as the line connected.

There was no voice on the other side of the call.

"Hello?" He tried again.

Again nothing.

Dean could hear someone breathing but they didn't speak. The breaths sounded ragged and uneven like the person was out of breath. There was background noise as well, a deep rumbling that seemed to increase in volume as time wore on. Without warning, the sound of a deep bellowing horn blared from the phone's speaker. It was the sort of horn that typically accompanies a low rumbling noise. It was the sort of horn that accompanies a really, really big train. The sound of the horn grew louder but soon began to fade as the train passed by whoever had been holding the phone. Something told him this wasn't a simple case of a butt-dial. The situation unnerved for some reason he couldn't name. It was like a scene from a movie.

"Tell me who you are or I'm hanging up," Dean said, his voice demanding.

"I-I would'nt d-do that if I were y-you!" A desperate, ragged voice called from the phone. Dean had gotten it wrong. The person on the phone wasn't Felix. The person on the phone was a little girl and she wasn't out of breath. She was terrified.

"Why not?" He asked, cautiously.

"B-because little Pamala o-only get's this one c-call." The voice on the other end sounded oddly robotic despite the words being broken into syllables by the girl's sobs.

"What do you mean?" He wondered.

"She-she's lu-ucky you picked u-up. If you hadn't I'd have t-old my friends to e-eat swe-eet Pammy here! Sh-she's seven, just so you know!" The little girl choked out.

"Felix," Dean growled, "You're using the little girl to talk for you?"

"Pamala is a c-cute little pup-pet. But she's a-annoy-ing. If she d-doesn't stop s-stutter-ing, I'll tell one of my f-friends to t-ake a bite!" The little girl whimpered and took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice for the sake of her life. " So, what shall I make Panama say next?"

Dean gritted his teeth together. To his right, Sam looked like he was going to be sick. But this wasn't just sick, this was downright vile . On his left, Cas looked about ready to rip that monster apart with his bare hands.

"Why don't you talk to me with your own voice, Nessie? Ya scared?" Dean taunted.

"No. That would ruin the fun of the game." The girl spoke slowly, trying her best to stay calm.

"What game?" Castiel demanded, sounding a step away from livid.

"You hunters and your angel have thirty minutes to come and rescue poor, little Pamala. When time is up, I'll tell my friends to- to r-rip her in- into itty-bitty pieces!" The girl let out a panicked sob after finishing the monster's words.

"How are we supposed to do that?" Dean demanded, fuming. "She could be anywhere!"

"No, not anywhere, Dean. She's sitting all wrapped up in the attic of the Florida East Coast Railway Station at Fort Pierce. I might be there with her too, gives you a chance to catch me just to make things interesting. But you better hurry, I hear t-traffic can be a biatch."

"You're gonna pay for this, you son of a bitch!" Dean growled.

"Watch the language, Dean Winchester. There are children present. You don't wanna spoil little Pamala's innocence, do you?"

Dean was so enraged, he couldn't even speak. Luckily, Sam was thinking the same as he was.

"We're gonna kill you," Sam promised.

"Perhaps. But not before I show y-you the truth."

The truth? What truth?

"This call will end in...

Five...

Four..."

"Stay strong, sweetheart!" Dean called to the little girl on the other side of the phone. "We're gonna come help you!"

"Three...

Two...

One...

...

Please save me...

...

I don't wanna die..."

Then the line clicked and the call was over.

Dean clenched his jaw and put the phone away.

"Let's go gank that sick bastard."

~I am not the only traveler

And then I can tell myself

I had all and then most of you

When the night was full of terrors

Lyrics from: The Night We Met by Lord Huron

I had all and then most of you

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robotslenderman · 4 years

Text

I have more Lettow-as-Elisa’s-Sire headcanon

So as mentioned before -- when he couldn’t find out who took Elisa in after her time by herself, he decided to step back and just let it be. Partly because he didn’t want to piss off an unknown enemy, partly because “eh, she’s got her own life now, why uproot that?”

He did occasionally check in on her, but he always thought she was fine so he didn’t step in.

Since she’s his childe, he has a photo of her in that room with his mementos. It’s a photo he took on the night that Elisa reunited him with Riga. Elisa is in her vet nurse scrubs, looking absolutely amazed by Riga, who’s perched on her arm. Of course, Riga is a heavy bird so Elisa couldn’t keep her arm up for long, but she was able to lift her arm enough for the photo.

Elisa would note it during the meeting where Lettow confronted her about Julian, and say she thought he hadn’t recognised her -- Lettow would say, “How could I forget? Riga liked you, although she did object to her rescue.” Later on, it’s one of the pieces Elisa puts together when she realises Lettow was the one that sired her.

Dove totally gave Lettow a hard time about abandoning his childe. Lettow did occasionally pull some strings behind the scenes to help out Elisa from time to time, but rarely, and mostly left her to fend for herself. It’s a Gangrel thing, he told himself. It’s how their clan does things, he told himself. And I think he really did believe that he was doing the right thing by her, letting her learn on her own.

He overestimated how well Elisa was doing. Like, a lot. He’s an elder, and it’s been a long time since he was a neonate so he doesn’t remember how scary it was -- but she was terrified and barely getting by. He thought she was fine. She was not fine.

It was only when the SI was becoming a huge pain that he started to give in to Dove’s nagging and realised that, hmmm, maybe he should bring her back to Tucson so she’s at least nearby, because he’s not sure she’ll be able to survive on her own while all this is going down. And with the Beckoning getting harder to resist, he wants to set things up so that she can get by while he’s gone -- not that he intends to let her rest on her laurels, but he just wants to make a few arrangements so that if she’s ever in dire straits she can still get by even if he’s not there, make sure she has some resources she can “accidentally” stumble upon.

Dove nagged him as to whether he was going to be honest with her. Lettow just told her that he had no intention of forcing his way into Elisa’s life, so he’d just see if they developed a friendship organically and then take it from there.

So this ratty Gangrel covered in mud and blood shows up to the Viper in a hunger frenzy. She’s incredibly paranoid and suspicious of him and the Camarilla, and while not outright hostile, was clearly not happy to be dealing with him. “Sending me out to get destroyed is poor form, Prince.” “I won’t break any legs for you.”

The sunny, cheerful vet nurse who’d happily nattered on about her beloved animals and how much she liked Riga? Gone. Completely gone. It was like a feral animal had come into his Elysium instead of a well groomed show pet.

Dove asked him if she was anything like what she’d been like at her embrace.

Lettow admitted, “Not at all.”

Dove said, “Yeah, I don’t think she’s ‘fine’ either. You probably should’ve been more involved.”

Lettow had nothing to say to that.

Since Elisa did not warm up to him at all initially, he decided not to tell her. She was always angry, a far cry from the kind and generous nurse who’d gone out of her way for him that night many years ago, who cared so much about reuniting him with Riga. He kind of feels like he killed her in more ways than one because of that.

So he decided to just distance himself and let it go. It’s her life now, hers to do with what she pleases. He’ll drop her name with a few important people so she can survive once he’s gone, but after that it’s all in her hands.

Then Dove drops the bomb: the reason why he caught a familiar scent the night of Aila’s destruction? Dove found out Elisa was there with Julian.

And he finds out Elisa was the one who diablerised Aila, not Julian.

And then their relationship completely changes -- with the SI closing in, Elisa goes from sullen and resentful to stepping up and doing everything she can to help him circle the wagons. She was clearly and visibly devastated that she let him down by failing to get Jasper’s cache. During the Reremouse mission he saw her laughing and smiling, and she even said she respected him because he’d gotten involved personally. She got D’Espine’s intel without a problem.

So now he’s like... okay, they have a relationship now? One that could potentially become a good friendship, maybe she should know?

But by then the Beckoning is almost deafening and the SI are surrounding them.

And he confronts her about Aila, because that kept troubling him. And when he asks her why she did it -- and she looks at him and tells him she was terrified and on her own and struggling to survive and wanted to do anything it took to get an edge --

That was when he finally realised that

fucked

up.

He left Elisa alone. He didn’t check in thoroughly enough to find out how badly she was struggling. He didn’t help her learn how to not just survive, but live in kindred society.

And losing Aila was the price he paid for abandoning Elisa.

He didn’t have the heart to face Elisa after that and tell her the truth. He asked her to risk herself to help burn down the SI, but while Elisa was half convinced he was going to let her die -- he fully intended on her survival. She was not going to die in there.

Elisa said goodbye in the hangar. He gave her the location of his cache and told her to use it. She refused -- “You might need it when you come back.” He didn’t think he’d come back, but she refused to entertain this notion. Then she hugged him, much to his surprise, and burst into tears and told him how sorry she was about Aila, and how she knows it’s so cheap coming from her murderer but she’s so sorry.

Lettow told her it wasn’t her fault. She was a fledgling who was alone and scared -- her sire should have been with her. If she was guided as she should have been, it would never have happened. It wasn’t her fault.

Elisa caught on here (because “why the fuck would he randomly bring up my sire?”), although Lettow didn’t realise it. But she said, “It was my choice, Lettow. And I have to live with that.”

And he tells her -- don’t. “I forgave you. You need to forgive yourself, too.”

“Only if you promise you’ll come back.”

“Alright.” He laughs at that. “I promise, then.”

“Then so do I!”

And then he flies off ~ and spends five hellish years in the Middle East but that’s another headcanon for another time.

(And Elisa asks Dove that evening, “Is Lettow my sire?”

“Did he finally tell you, did he?”

“No. But I could hear it in his voice.”)

#VTM #VTMNR #VTMNR spoilers #Lettow Kaminsky #Elisa Mulgrew #headcanon

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captain-yeet · 5 years

Text

Oh No, Het’s Hot - Part 5

Subtitle: Steadfast Resolves

Pairing: Felix x Reader

Summary: Felix prepares to leave with his coven for the trial of Cullens, but he begins to have some doubts. Meanwhile, Y/N slowly begins to realize her full potential with the help of a friendly Egyptian vampire...

Masterlist here

After the phone call ended, it was an easy for Felix to come to the conclusion that he felt like complete and utter shit.

He did believe her. He was mostly certain of that. After years of dedication and service to the Volturi however, it was hard for him to wrap his mind around the possibility that they may be in the wrong this time around. For as long as he could remember since he was turned, he'd been loyal to the Volturi. The thought of the trial coming to a sour conclusion, and the possibility of his mate dying as a result of their side winning made him sick to his stomach. While he was upset that Y/N never told him of the child, he wasn't holding it against her. Surprisingly he could see where she was coming from. It wasn't her place; so be it, as far as he was concerned.That wouldn't fly well with his masters, though.

"Your face is going to stay like that permanently if you keep scowling," a voice teased him, clapping him on the back and bringing his mind back to the present.

Felix turned and met the smirk of Demetri, who gestured for him to follow. "I take it the call didn't go too well?" he asked, not sparing his friend a glance as they walked down one of the many long corridors of the castle.

"What do you think?" Felix replied bitterly. "I take it you overheard?"

Finally glancing his way, Demetri grinned. "My closest friend of over 800 years finally meets his mate and has a phone call with her about a situation that will affect us all? No, of course not."

"You're an ass."

"You'll live."

Eyes now staring ahead again, Demetri's tone turned serious. "If what your dearest Y/N said is true, then things are about to get very complicated."

A grim silence followed as they pair entered the throne room, where everyone else was gathered. The reality of just how big this whole ordeal was crept up on Felix, sending an unnerved chill down his spine. Everyone was here, everyone. Alec and Jane stood near the thrones as was their place, all the guards were present regardless of rank. What sent the shock to his system was that the wives were present. They were never brought down from the tower where they resided unless something important was about to happen.

The Cullens were in some deep shit, and if Felix wasn't completely scared of his mate's demise before, he sure was now.

"Ah Demetri, you've retrieved Felix for us!" Aro sang out as they approached, clapping his hands together. His gaze shifted to Felix, and he held his hand out. "How did the call with your young mate go?"

Felix gave Aro his hand, showing no emotion. He couldn't afford to be emotional right now, for his sake and Y/N's.

Keeping his thoughts clear, he watched as Aro's expressions changed; pleasantly calm to begin with, then his brows furrowed as a dark glint overcame his milky red eyes. “Ah, I see.” Withdrawing his hand from Felix’s, Aro turned his back to him, hands folded behind him. “It appears Felix’s mate has also been aware of the child, but has refused to say anything prior to the present day to him.”

Murmurs echoed through the hall. Felix kept his eyes forward, on Aro, as his coven-mates began to give him an array of looks that made him want to snap at them. The judgement was there, as were the stares of blooming distrust.

“I’ve always said the human couldn’t be trusted,” Caius spoke up, absent-mindedly tapping his boney fingers against the arm of his chair. “Felix, come here a moment.”

This can’t be good. Felix strode towards Caius, coming to a stop at the foot of the small section of stairs that sat at the feet of the master’s three chairs.

“You are certain that your mate’s information is to be trusted, full-heartedly?” he asked, fingers ceasing their tapping.

“Yes, Master,” he replied earnestly, trying to convey the best he could with tone alone that he knew Y/N was to be trusted. She was.

A grimace began to grow on Caius’ face. “And if she were not… are you willing to dispose of her, without bias, like any other member of this coven would in the even of a trial?”

“Caius…” Marcus cautioned, now turning to stare in disbelief at his “brother.”

Felix froze on the spot. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t. Over two thousand years of waiting for his mate to finally appear in the world, and to just… end them? Like they meant nothing? The thought made him feel sick.

Aro now appeared at Caius’ side, also watching Felix intently. “Now, everyone. The killing of mates is not something to be taken lightly, especially given current company,” he added with a pointed glare at Caius, who shrunk a little. “Not to mention Y/N is gifted with formidable abilities… the control of lightning.”

He began to mumble to himself, but Felix thought he caught the words, “...would make an excellent addition to the guard,” under his breath.

If it comes to it, I’ll take her and run, he decided, steeling himself. His newfound resolve made his stand up a little straighter; there was no way in hell he planned to let anyone hurt his mate. Not even my own coven.

“Master Aro,” Jane spoke up from where she stood, always present beside her twin. “What is the course of action we’ll be taking against the Cullens?”

Aro clapped his hands together, as if he just remembered what this entire meeting was about. “Ah, yes! Now, all of you listen very closely…”

~~~

Y/N steadied her stance, eyes narrowed at the vampires who stood in front but a few yards away from her. Surrounding her were Rosalie, Bella and Carlisle, along with newcomers to the Cullen’s woodland home.

It didn’t take long for everyone to learn of the Volturi’s plans to come and meet Renesmee. And with Alice and Jasper missing in action, they were desperate. So Carlisle called upon every friend and friendly acquaintance he knew to help.

One of those acquaintances, was a friendly young man named Benjamin, who stood just to the side of Y/N, watching every move and twitch of her expression intently.

“Now, focus on where they’re positioned,” Benjamin urged her. “You’ll want to hit just in front of them.”

Nodding, you took a deep breath before raising one hand, palm outward, fingertips spread. The crackle of thunder above you was a tell sign that your powers were surging, drawing energy from the skies above.

“Try not to fry us, Little Thor!” Emmett called out, grinning.

A burst of white light appeared along with a ear piercing crack. The sound repeated again into two more cracks as the lightning strike branched out, striking the ground beside it’s original target in a circular motion around where Emmett and co. stood

You waited, as did the others around you, to see if it worked. Sure enough, by the sound of Emmett’s booming laughter, it did. The bolts of lightning struck just in front of the three vampires in front of you.

“Man, I could feel the heat coming off that when it struck!” Emmett crowed, running over to rejoin Rosalie.

“Excellent work, Y/N,” Benjamin praised, gently patting your shoulder.

Upon learning you were gifted, Benjamin was very excited to speak with you, to say the least. Your own abilities were similar to his; something he’d never heard of before. When you spoke of the recent developments with your powers, a spark lit up in his eyes, and the two of you began experimenting.

This particular trick was a lightning trap; if it came to a fight, Benjamin thought of the possibility of creating a trap with your lightning, to which you’d agreed to practice. After singing some poor defenseless test trees and rocks, the live vampire test was a success.

“Hey, your the brains behind this whole thing,” you countered, grinning back at the Egyptian vampire. “I’m just the chick with the lightning hands.”

Carlisle joined the two of you. “Thank you Benjamin for helping our Y/N expand her power,” he said with a smile. He then turned to you, a slight teasing glint in his eyes. “Your capabilities are growing, I’m glad to see that no vampires were harmed in the making of this trap the two of you have concocted.”

You snorted, shaking your head with the grin still firmly plastered onto your face. “Now we wouldn’t want any roasted vampires now, would we?”

A little later in the day, you were sitting by yourself watching the sun set when a voice called out to you. Turning to the source of the voice, you saw Renesmee. “Hey kiddo, what are you doing here?”

She shrugged. “Mom and Dad are talking with Kate,” she said simply, coming to join you where you sat.

The two of you were quiet for the longest time. At first, you were wary of the little half-vampire girl, but like everyone else, when you finally got around to actually conversing with her she got under your skin. You were weirded out with the whole “imprinting” thing involving her and one of the wolves; besides that though? You liked the kid. In a way, you were now also an unofficial aunt.

“Are you worried?” she asked out of the blue, her brown eyes locked on your face.

You smiled at her, suppressing the negative feelings. “What would give you that idea?”

She reached out and placed a hand on your face. You saw yourself, staring a the phone, waiting for it to ring but it never did. A sad sigh heaving from your chest. More pictures came; just after the trap test with Benjamin. You saw yourself smiling at Carlisle and Benjamin, but as they turned away, it faded into a look of doubt.

You sighed. “I didn’t even know you were there for that first one,” you admitted honestly. Swallowing, you looked back to the horizon. “Look Ren, your family and I are gonna do everything we can to make sure everything goes smoothly. It’s... terrifying, sure, but that’s not gonna stop us.”

“Is it worth it?”

You turned your head to look back at the girl, who now looked unsure, fiddling with a part of her sleeve. “What do you mean?”

“I’m getting everyone in trouble,” she said sadly, eyes downcast, her usually melodic happy voice now uncharacteristically gloomy.

The poor thing, you thought to yourself. Shuffling over to the girl, you put an arm around her in an attempt to comfort her. “Don’t put yourself down, okay? None of this is your fault. You’re just a kid, and we’re gonna show them exactly that alright?” If anything it’s Bella and Edward’s fault for not being careful, you added internally.

With a little nod, she sniffled and curled into you. You kept your arm tight around her, trying internally to be hopeful. As the sun went down, you brought a now sleepy Renesmee inside to her parents. All was quiet, for the time being.

In five days was when the commotion would begin.

#twilight saga #breaking dawn #twilight eclipse #volturi #volturi imagines #felix volturi #felix volturi x reader #twilight benjamin #benjamin #twilight saga fanfiction #my fics #twilight revival #twilight renaissance

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wanlidas-archive · 5 years

Text

GV: THE KRU ( EVENT 001 ) / ARRIVAL.

monty’s mindset upon arriving back on the ark after narrowly escaping praimfaya, alongside harper, raven, bellamy, emori, echo, & john.

for first few hours what was your muse feeling? were they happy or focused on what they’d lost?

there wasn’t one emotion he ever latched onto —— it was constantly changing. he felt relieved that they escaped praimfaya and made it to space despite all the odds against him. he felt confused because the last day had been so much chaos that he hadn’t even processed what this meant for the next five years or who he would be spending that with. he was hopeful that this meant a key to a brighter future, that they would all finally get the chance to breathe again for the first time since coming to the ground, and that maybe, this was a chance to get the clarity he had been searching for, without realizing it.

but all the while, he was still grieving. he was still mourning, having just said goodbye to his best friend a few days prior. he made a suit for jasper, and there are times when he’s looking around in search of him, only to come up empty. and that same is true for clarke, another one of the people most important to him. monty has given clarke jasper’s suit, not wanting it to go to waste and knowing that it was going to a person who was going to be pivotal to their survival.

he’s trying to process the fact that two of the most important people to him are now dead, along with his mother, a grief he hasn’t processed because it’s been buried in his own guilt. part of him feels like he didn’t deserve the miracle of living through praimfaya. and that’s exactly why he’s quick to focus in on what’s next —- getting the algae farm running, proving to himself and the others that he is still worth something. he’s quick to focus in on that once they’re breathing again because right now, after working so hard to get here, it feels like he’s not allowed to be stagnant.

who does your muse think of or miss during the first 24 hours?

monty misses jasper, more than anything. and he still hasn’t fully processed the fact that he’s really gone, nor has he accepted why he’s gone. part of him is still angry, but another part of him is trying to focus on everything jasper said to him. he has a lot of learning to do, and that has to come from harper. in his mind, surviving was the easy + only choice, and jasper tried to explain his own reasoning for staying, but monty could only focus on the desperate need to survive, because he’s been on this constant cycle for months now, ever since arriving to earth. and he and jasper were still close, but they clearly went opposite directions since their arrival —— and while that was always something monty noticed, it wasn’t more clear than it was when he was forced to say goodbye to his brother. jasper was supposed to be here with them. this was supposed to be the one last bit of hope that monty shared with jasper that was going to turn everything around for him ( it likely wouldn’t, but monty can’t accept that just yet. ) there’s so much relief in being here, and he can’t even share that with the one person he’s always shared everything with, and that kills him. jasper should be here. it’s something that never stops repeating in his mind.

he misses clarke. and really, he hasn’t even processed the fact that he has to miss her yet. because like jasper, she was supposed to be here ——- but she was with them until their final moments on earth. he didn’t have a chance to process that jasper is gone because he immediately jumped into flight preparation, and now, he didn’t have a chance to process that clarke is gone because they had to take off. as things calm down, he’s forced to look around and see that she really didn’t make it, as if the flight here was just a blurry dream and he just didn’t see her get onto the ship. this is someone he hasn’t always agreed with and hasn’t always been happy with, but it’s someone he has an undying respect for. he’s taken his anger out on her before, but he’s always been comfortable enough doing that because they’ve been through a lot of the really hard things together. because of mount weather, he will always hold clarke and bellamy close. no matter what happens, they’re on a different level for monty because they resonate with a trauma that never stops haunting him —— and he knows that it doesn’t stop haunting them either. there was comfort in knowing that he was spending five years in space with bellamy and clarke —— as if that time together was going to help them heal, all together, but now he doesn’t get that chance. and now he he has to accept that his last few weeks with clarke hadn’t been their best, and now he’ll never see her again.

he misses his mom and his father. he came down to earth without getting to say goodbye to them. he found his mother, only to find out he’d never see his father again. he thought he had no choice but to kill his mother, then immediately found out there was a way she could have been spared. this loss is the thing that’s going to drive one of his most important lessons back on the ark: there’s always a choice, there’s always a better way. he's coming to space believing that he no longer has family. that his mom, his dad, and his brother are not part of him, so he’s alone, despite the close friends he has on the ark, new friends, and the girl he loves.

he misses the beauty of the ground. not what the ground came with, not necessarily the people, not the mistakes he made or the demons he ran from there, nothing like that. but he misses nature. the fresh air, the smell of plants, the dirt. and he can’t get something jasper said out of his head: “ for all its faults, earth is really beautiful. “ he always felt that, but it wasn’t until jasper said that that monty really started to understand it. it was a beautiful place, they were so lucky to have gotten to experience it, but he feels like he wasted it. and he’s terrified of returning there someday, knowing how many parts of himself he lost when he went down there in the first place. he misses the peacefulness that had potential down there, but the place and the experiences it gave him are something he’s still scared of, so it’s difficult for him to truly accept that he does miss it. but hearing the machine hum, and being surrounded by those dull colors ——- it’s a shock that still immediately brings him back to the feeling he used to have at home. and that’s what he quickly realizes: this is still his home. maybe the ground never was.

does your muse think they’ll make it to the ring & in terms of surviving there in the long term?

it’s not all up to him; they all have jobs they need to do. but that’s not what monty is focused on. he feels like he’s responsible for their survival, because if he believes that he has purpose, then he will convince himself that he does deserve this next chance at living. after mount weather, after his mother, after jasper, after everything that’s still weighing down on him, he’s not sure he deserved to live despite how hard he fought for it. and now that he’s here, he wants to make it worth it. so if there’s a chance they don’t survive this, he will start to blame himself. that’s why he’s quick to get the algae farm running, so that he’s not wasting any time and he can feel like he’s doing something valuable.

he trusts the others, especially raven after what she accomplished getting them here. he knows that they all have different skills to bring to the table and they’ll all find a way to provide to one another. but it’s his duty to feed them, and he can’t even focus on the idea that they might not survive, so he buries himself in that work.

what is one thing your muse is excited about, if anything?

he’s excited for the chance to breathe, to rest without looking over his shoulder, to stop waiting for the next decision to make that questions everything he knew about himself. he’s excited that they made it, despite all the things that could have ( and probably should have ) gone wrong. and though he may not realize it immediately, he’s excited to be back here. he didn’t realize how much he missed the ark until he was back on it. he didn’t realize how much he resented the ground and never felt like it was home until he was back here, the place he grew up. he’s excited to feel in his element again, to try to search for the boy who never let his optimism fail him. he’s excited to find himself again, but that’s not really something he’s fully aware he’s capable of yet.

and he’s excited that harper is alive, here with him. she wasn’t going to join them. he still doesn’t fully understand the choice she almost made, but he knows it’s something he needs to work on. their relationship is still new despite how deep his feelings are, but they haven’t gotten much of a chance to really explore what this is between them. it’s his chance to really get to know her on this level and to understand her, because there’s so much he’s missing already. after feeling like he’s lost all his family, the relief he feels to see harper there by his side in those first few moments when they can breathe again is not comparable to anything ----- it’s euphoric, even if all the other worry and grief comes crashing in on him soon after. at least he has harper. the boy who always holds onto his optimism now has something to envision it with ---- and that’s her.

what is your muse most afraid of in those first few hours?

he’s more focused on harper than himself or really even anyone else. he still puts everyone else before himself, and he wants them all to make it, but his mind is immediately focused on harper. at this point, he feels like he’s lost everything and everyone —— except harper. right now, she is his family. she is the girl he loves, and if she doesn’t make it now despite everything they’ve gone through to get here, and despite the clearly difficult choice she made to decide to keep trying to live, it will break him. because this is someone he believes deserves to live more than anything, and there’s so much he wants to do to help her get that ( and to help her find real happiness that she had revealed to him she wasn’t getting prior. )

on the other side of that, he’s also scared of his feelings for harper and whatever feelings she has in return for him. he loves her, he stands by that, he knows that wasn’t a lie, but he also knows that he revealed those emotions in a time that wasn’t fair to her. he tried to use ‘ i love you ‘ as a way to change her mind and want to stay alive, but her choice to stay alive shouldn’t be about monty at all. it should be about her and what she wants, and that’s something that monty still has to process and learn. he wants to say those words again to her, but he also wants to earn it. he wants to say it in a time that doesn’t have high stakes or when a million things could go wrong. he wants to say it in the calmness of a moment when it feels genuine, and when she will know, for certain, that he means it ( because he does. ) he feels like he’s gone through so much to ensure that she stays in his life, that it almost feels like their relationship will be tested again. and he doesn’t want that; he just wants her to have peace, and preferably, for him to be a part of that peace.

he’s also terrified of the next big task at hand: getting the algae farm running. this is his responsibility, something that he said he was capable of, something he had been practicing his entire life, and their survival depends on it once they run out of the resources they came with. he knows how important this is to this entire plan, and if he can’t do it, then that’s all on him. it’s one of the first things he thinks about once they have air again, even before they are able to calm down and process where they are now + that this is their life for the next five years. he barely wants to rest; he just wants to keep moving forward.

does your muse sleep that night? if so where, & with who?

he’s exhausted, so sleep would come naturally, but he can’t let himself. he feels like he needs to be working, that it can’t wait even a few hours for him to get some sleep. he needs his presence to have value and he needs to assure himself that the people here who are counting on him won’t be let down. he’s too afraid to just stop, lay down, and be stuck with his own feelings + his own head. because if he did, he would actually have to process that his best friend is gone, and the clarke isn’t here with them.

if harper wants to sleep though, or if she falls asleep, he will be there to comfort her. holding her, getting to see her rest after everything she’s been through —— that would be enough to make him feel like he’s doing something worthwhile already. because he doesn’t want her giving life another chance to be for nothing, so he wants this solution to be something she doesn’t regret. and if she wanted to rest, that’s really the only way he could convince himself that it’s okay for him to rest too.

#* meta ↷ m. green.#* study ↷ m. green.#gv: the kru #gv: the kru (event 001)#i might post more later but i wanted to answer the questions first and it actually covered a lot i had wanted to hit #bc cola is * chefs kiss *#also all of this is relevant to my general portrayal but !!!

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teamdoesminecraft · 5 years

Note

I hope I'm not bothering you but I'd love to know more about your su au when your back from hiatus. -

oh absolutely!thanks a lot to people in the discord and my close friend @crystalfloe for helping me develop this also

Bajan (or Star Ruby) is a gem type grown specifically for entertainment purposes: specifically, gladiatorial combat. Star Rubies rarely live long before being shattered, but this one came out near-perfect (aka Jasper Complex) and he proceeded to win three matches in the ring– which is unheard of. He was assigned to an actual army at this point by White Diamond (Notch) for making it so far.

True (Blue Peridot) is a relatively high-ranking gem in charge of a fleet of ships. His main job is to seek out potential colonies and explore them; he’s a little bit full of himself due to his high rank. He’s been around for thousands of years.

Jerome (Tiger’s Eye) is a part of Blue Peridot’s crew, but he was grown for a slightly different purpose: he was intended to mimic life on Earth as closely as possible, to better infiltrate human settlements. He’s a lower-ranked gem and not exactly a perfect cut, and sometimes got some flack from BlueP for it.

Husky (Lapis) is a standard terraformer like any other lapis; he was sent to Earth a while ago, along with a small team, to start construction of temples/vistas for the higher gems, should they arrive. Of course, when nobody started to show up, Husky started to go a little mad with freedom; the would-be temple is overrun with earthly entertainment and its inhabitants might not respond as well to authority as they should.

SSundee (Tourmalinated Quartz) was bred as a berserker in battle; his gem is high-ranked but incredibly unstable, attacking everything at a moment’s notice. He rarely interacts with others and when he does it’s dangerous.

Deadlox (Green Pearl) was the pearl of a younger diamond before disaster fell and the diamond was shattered/lost. White Diamond took him in, but under incredibly strict orders after that. GreenP harbors a lot of trauma, and refuses to act out whatsoever in public situations; he’s surprisingly knowledgeable about Homeworld tactics and data for a generally low-ranking gem.

Sky (Gold) is a young but incredibly high-ranking gem. He was made on Homeworld, and his role was as supervisor– to ensure several other productions went according to plan.

Gold didn’t get a chance to be assigned a role on Homeworld before he was booted off, however. At a court meeting, his very first one at only a few days old, he met GreenP- although “met” is a bit of a strong word. Gold tried to talk to him, but GreenP was shut off and reserved. Not fully understanding gem culture yet, Gold started prodding him for information about himself and the diamonds; why was he green if his diamond was White? This sent GreenP into an internal breakdown, and White Diamond had Gold dismissed from homeworld entirely as punishment.

Gold was sent to “supervise” a temple construction on Earth. When he arrived, he was greeted with a very much not-complete temple project that was supposedly headed by Lapis. After a bit of conversation, and after Lapis got over the fear of being reported to the diamonds, Lapis let him know that the temple hadn’t been checked on in thousands of years: that it was all but an earth-prison for Gold at this point. Gold, with nothing to do but supervise a temple that would never be used, began to grow restless.

Meanwhile, BlueP and his crew landed on Earth to explore more of it. BlueP stayed mostly in command, checking on the world in the functional spaceship. Tiger’s Eye split off from the group to learn about human society, and found himself in a village– and was immediately ambushed by a human who knew a little too much. Seto pried and prodded Tiger’s Eye for everything that he knew, about the gems from space and the magical weaponry they brought with them. After a time being held “hostage” in this village, though, Tiger’s Eye began to realize that this planet held smarter creatures than simple animals, and started to wonder if it was really worth taking over.

Gold, stranded on the temple for so long, couldn’t get GreenP off his mind– he was terrified he’d done irreversible damage to him. Or worse, as he was starting to guess, that the diamonds had; Lapis and the other temple-builders, after a lack of contact with aristocratic gems, hadn’t turned insane. If anything, they were more energized, sporadic, and happier than any gems Gold had seen on Homeworld. Feeling personally responsible for what had happened to GreenP, Gold kept track of incoming spaceships– when one landed, he set off with Lapis’s well-wishes on foot across the planet to get to it.

Gold managed to get onto BlueP’s ship by dint of simply being Gold– once he explained what he wanted done with it, though, BlueP was more than outraged. This was an exploration ship, not a ferry, and he definitely wasn’t going to use it to send a banned gem back to Homeworld. When Gold simply begging failed to convince him, he tried a new tactic; he just took BlueP from the ship and showed him the planet. BlueP didn’t fully understand the purpose of any of this at first, and was miffed (but not exactly “allowed” to be angry at a gold) by being stolen from his ship– but when he saw the temple gems, and the humans in the village, understood what Gold’s point was. Begrudgingly, BlueP agreed to fly Gold back to Homeworld; his entire crew was off on planetary exploration at this point. On the trip back, BlueP explained GreenP’s history of diamond-exchange and the trauma that would have resulted.

Upon landing, Gold originally intended just to check in on GreenP; but he found him under strict quarantine, cut off from any other gems. After somewhat abusing his status and BlueP’s access to Homeworld tech to get in, he tried to talk to him– and found the broken eye under his hair. Gold panicked when GreenP wouldn’t talk to him, and panicked even more when an alarm system sounded– but he knew he couldn’t leave him in an empty room for eternity, not when places like Earth existed. Gold steeled himself and dissipated GreenP’s form, “poofing” him, and tucked the gem away in as safe a place as he could think. He and BlueP had to run from the facility and back to the ship. They succeeded in getting away– but not before they could be spotted and marked down as criminals by Homeworld.

BlueP was incredibly distraught at being cast out from Homeworld and immediately started thinking of plans. They could go to an uncharted system, he reasoned, and live out their days as criminals while the diamonds continued to be distracted by Earth– but Gold realized he didn’t want anything to happen to the planet. After some arguing, Gold convinced BlueP to land back on Earth. BlueP wanted to leave again immediately, saying it was only a matter of time before Homeworld gems came to this planet in droves to finish the colonization– after all, his crew had to be almost done mapping it out by now– but Gold didn’t want to. He took BlueP back to the temple and explained his plan.

GreenP eventually reformed, in a quiet room, still a little broken; the group living there tried everything they could to fix him. Eventually, after trips outside the temple and through the planet’s strange environment, he started to come back, bit by bit– and started to fall into a new (or old) personality now that he was out of range of White Diamond’s control.

Gold formed an army on Earth– the rebel Crystal Gems, consisting mainly of himself, BlueP, GreenP, and Lapis. When the first few Homeworld gems landed, his team took them by surprise. Tiger’s Eye eventually got wind of the new rebel force; with a newfound enjoyment for Earth, he left to join their army instead. The diamonds back on Homeworld began sending more and more gems in droves: an actual army. Star Ruby and Tourmalinated Quartz were a part of this army, two ultimate fighting forces at the head of it.

During a particularly difficult battle, Tourmalinated Quartz found himself lost in an underground Earth cave system. With no way to tell how to get out, he wandered for days; when he couldn’t see anything, he stopped attacking it. He slowly realized that he had been nothing but a slaughterer from the day he was made– moreover, he realized that he’d much rather be a pacifist than a warrior. With a makeshift pair of incredibly dark glasses, Tourmalinated Quartz found his way back to the surface, completely willing to spend his time in near-darkness if he could choose what he fought. He was captured by some members of the rebel army and brought back to the temple for judgement; after all, he was a battle berserker. Lapis, however, let him live; Tourmalinated Quartz spent his time there working on the temple, doing menial tasks, and reveling in the mundane. He refused to join the rebel army, he explained, but he was more than willing to stand with the cause of allowing gems to experience new paths.

During a separate battle, Star Ruby and Tiger’s Eye took their fight miles away from the main battle, constantly pushing and prodding one another, neither giving up. When earth-weather changed and lightning struck, Star nearly jumped out of his skin. Tiger’s Eye didn’t get a chance much to laugh at him before dormant pieces of Homeworld war tech awoke. Neither of them really wanted to die much– they forged a temporary truce as they spent the next weeks on the run from Homeworld, humans, and earth animals. In secret, after finding an abandoned Homeworld ship, Star managed to contact the main Homeworld army and explain he had caught a rebel with a strong knowledge of Earth, and that he was taking the prisoner back.

After a few more weeks, however, of Tiger’s Eye showing Star Ruby around the world and fighting by his side, Star realized he was warming up to the traitor. During a particularly dangerous battle, Star ran to protect him– and collided with him– and fused. Neither had heard of a separate-gem fusion before, and they fell apart quickly, but it stuck as a point of bonding to talk about later.

The Homeworld army eventually met up with Star, though, to collect the prisoner. Star had forgotten all about the contact, and tried to explain to Tiger’s Eye that he had done it a while ago and didn’t mean it now– when that failed, the best he could do was distract the team sent until Tiger’s Eye managed to disappear into the woods. As soon as he was gone, Star announced his rejection of the Homeworld army, and fought against the team sent to get him. After inevitably winning, Star started his search for the rest of the rebels.

The diamonds saw they were losing the battle on Earth, and wasting resources on it to boot, but they wouldn’t let the rebels simply win. They worked together to release the corruption light across the planet. Gold, BlueP, GreenP, Lapis, Tourmalinated Quartz, and the newly-turned-traitor Star Ruby were only saved by Seto’s uncanny knowledge of gem technology and magic. He was able to erect a barrier that kept them alive and undamaged by the light. Tiger’s Eye, the one who had brought Seto to the temple in the first was, was not so lucky. He was entirely corrupted.

Star Ruby set out to find Tiger’s Eye again, despite being told that he was probably just as corrupt as any other monster. He was, of course; but eventually they managed to reverse most of the corruption, leaving only a few physical animalistic traits behind.

The war was over; Homeworld was done with that planet. Gold and his small team began working to restructure the lost gems, to dismantle Homeworld technology, and to keep humans from discovering or being injured by the new monsters that raged on their world.

#team crafted #minecraft #au tag #steven universe #lore #ask #long post

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jgreenfeld · 5 years

Text

meet the muse;

10 FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

1. Harry Potter

Your obsession with Harry freakin' Potter is a timeless affair. You read the first book tucked into a corner on the a tour bus, musicians fiddling with their instruments all around you, but you were lost to them. You were too busy learning spells, playing Quidditch and fancying yourself Mrs Jessica Potter. Sure, a lot of your friends have outgrown their Harry Potter phase, but you don't think that'll ever happen to you. He was never just a character to you, he was a comfort when you were recovering from your illness and figuring out what life was going to be like without being able to hear things from now on. You lost quite a number of things after the meningitis hit, but you never lost Harry. He taught you how to be brave and true and a little bit sassy, and you're always going to love him.

2. Atticus Finch

Your father is a mechanic, not a lawyer. He wears sports jerseys instead of tweed suits. But he's still the closest thing to Atticus Finch that this world is going to get - in your eyes anyway. Your dad was the first one to introduce you to To Kill A Mockingbird. He panicked and shoved his own copy into your hands after you finished the fifth Harry Potter book and spent three straight hours wailing over Sirius. Of course, TKAM wasn't going to be something that necessarily cheered you up, but you were hooked from the get-go. Atticus taught you how to be just and fair. He taught you to think about what it would be like to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. He taught you valuable life lessons that you still carry today, and even though it would be impossible to hope that everyone in the world could be more like him, you could at lease try to channel all that energy yourself. You like to think that he taught you how to be a better person.

3. Mark Watney

Mark Watney taught you that space is dangerous and terrifying and that it has the potential to be the very death of you. He taught you that it's vast and empty and nothing but a challenge. And it only made you love it even more. When your father picked up on your space obsession, right after your solar system model won first prize at the middle school science fair, he gave you a copy of The Martian. In all honesty, he had no clue what it was about but the name hinted that he was on the right path. You devoured it whole. Or rather... you spent the full night yelling at your book whenever something traumatic happened and Michelle fully attempted to smother you with a literal pillow just to get you to shut up. Mark Watney made you fall in love with space even more, and he kickstarted your desire to work for NASA one day. When you feel like you're never going to make it, you just need to look to him for a kick up the ass.

4. Gilbert Blythe

Gilbert Blythe is the very first love of your life. You understand that there's a high chance you’re not his type, because when he tugs on Anne's pigtails and calls her 'carrots', she hits him over the head with a slate and it's love at first sight for him because of that. If Gilbert Blythe ever tugged on your hair to get your attention, then you probably would have just decided to marry him right then and there. Still, what's not to love about him? He's kind and he's funny and he's smart and he cares about school. Perhaps you would be relationship goals based solely on the fact that you're a nerd and he's a nerd. But you'll never get to test that theory out, which is a shame. In the meantime, Gilbert is setting the standards for all other men and he's raised the bar to a whole other level.

5. Paddington Bear

Paddington Bear is the reason you demanded a duffle coat and red wellies at the age of six. He's the reason you wanted to travel to Darkest Peru whenever a family vacation was brought up. And he's the reason that you still unironically enjoy a marmalade sandwich, even to this day. Plus, he's cuddly and kind and the exact friend you think anyone should have. Honestly, you'd love to be someone's answer to Paddington Bear.

6. Matt Saracen

You're never going to be a football player and, to be quite honest, you never really want to be. You're tiny and any tackle would crush you in an instant. Soccer, on the other hand, is different. And then, of course, there's cheerleading. Matt Saracen was never a cheerleader, although you have total faith in him and believe that he could be anything he wanted to be. He was a football player though, and had always been desperate to be one, despite shortcomings like money and being one of the younger kids on the team. You relate to that. Friday Night Lights taught you all about teamwork. You love being part of a group like that, whether that be the girls soccer team or the cheerleading squad. It's what you miss most about high school, that sense of belonging. You love your family but Michelle likes to make your life a living hell, Brendan can only defend you so much and Gabby has her head in the clouds half the time. Matt taught you that sometimes it's okay to feel way more at home when you're part of a team.

7. Leslie Knope

She likes waffles, she likes fairness and she loves her friends. Leslie Knope is exactly the kind of woman that you want to grow up to be. Maybe you don't have a future in politics, but that's okay! You can still embody her in all the ways that are important. You're a feminist, you would happily arrange a wedding ceremony for two gay penguins and you would absolutely die for Michelle Obama. Leslie Knope is that caring and goofy friend that you want to be, and while you're not as savvy as her or as good with words, and you absolutely do not have her knack for public speaking, you wake up every morning and tell yourself that you're going to be a Pawnee Goddess that day.

8. Clint Barton

You watch the Avengers and you fall in love with superheroes. Your dad seems bolstered by this since he's been trying to get you to read comics for years now, and this eventually persuades you. You discover that you're a die-hard Captain America fan and there are several failed attempts to write a popular Steve/Bucky story when you foray into fanfiction, only to realise you're nowhere near as gifted a writer as you think you are. But you still love this world and these characters and it's like a blanket gets wrapped around you when you find out Clint Barton is actually deaf in the comics. Just like you. You devour Hawkguy, trawl the internet for all the meta discourse and fanfiction you can find and you even dress up as Kate Bishop one Halloween. Clint Barton teaches you that you can have a disability and still be a superhero.

9. Luke Skywalker

There was no way that you were making it through your childhood without discovering Luke. And Leia and Han and Chewie. But Luke was the one that stuck with you most and your dad was very proud of you for that. He's a hero, but not the typical rough-and-tough, 'needs a damsel in distress to save' sort of hero. He teaches you that you can save the galaxy and still be loyal and compassionate and have a good heart. You don't need to be jaded to be a hero, and it's okay to show emotion. And sometimes it's okay to be a little bit of a drama queen as well. You appreciate that last one.

10. Buttercup

The Princess Bride is one of the few movies that you and Michelle actually agree on. Or rather, you like all movies and she hates anything that you like. But even Michelle can't say no to The Princess Bride. Buttercup is a character who undergoes development, giving you hope that maybe one day Michelle will also go through that same growth and decides that she wants you to be her sister. Perhaps it's a pipe dream but you never give up hope. Buttercup also teaches you that you can fall hard and fast for someone who says 'as you wish' to your every command and like, you get that. You're pretty sure that you'd die on the spot should anyone say that to you.

9 TWEETS

@jupiterjess: i've ran out of oreos. is my life even worth living anymore?

@jupiterjess: the new cheerleading captain at jasper high messaged me for tips. LITTLE OLD ME. i'm blushing hardcore.

@jupiterjess: thank you so much to everyone who failed to tell me i've been walking around with a chocolate milk moustache all day!!!!! you're the best guys!!!!!! thanks!!!!!

@jupiterjess: do you ever just. stop and think. about exoplanets?? someone come hold my hand and talk to me about exoplanets.

@jupiterjess: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY JAMES POTTER, YOU'RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!

@jupiterjess: america, i have no idea what you're doing right now, but you need to be better than this. wake up and smell the racism.

@jupiterjess: 'it's a power that jedi have that lets them control people and... makes things float.' rEY asdfgh

@jupiterjess: as a bisexual, the trailer for 'last christmas' has been very difficult for me. thoughts and prayers for jess in this trying time.

@jupiterjess: @NASA i love u

8 FACTS ABOUT SPACE

1. Halleys Comet won’t orbit past earth again until 2061

JESS' INPUT: Okay, so here's another fun fact about Halleys Comet! At Disney's Magic Kingdom, Main Street USA is connected to Tomorrowland by one thing and one thing only. Main Street's design is based on the year 1910, and Tomorrowland's design is based on the year 1986. What do those two years have in common? That was when Halleys Comet orbited past Earth! ... That's more of a Disney World fact, but pretty cool all the same, huh?

2. A full NASA spacesuit costs $12,000,000.

JESS' INPUT: 12 million! That's so much money, holy smokes. Honestly, imagine going around wearing an outfit that cost 12 million dollars. Wouldn't be me! I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it.

3. There may be a planet made out of diamonds.

JESS' INPUT: Okay, so this planet is like, 40 lightyears away and it's eight times the size of earth. Researchers think it could be made of graphite and diamonds and everyone is like 'wow, that's cool!' And okay. yeah, I get it. Diamond planet. That's super cool. But you know what isn't cool? That episode of Doctor Who where they went to the diamond planet and that one woman got possessed. That was the opposite of cool.

4. The footprints on the moon will be there for 100 million years.

JESS' INPUT: There's no atmosphere on the moon so the footprints there can't be eroded by wind or anything like that. So those footprints are going to be there for practically forever. Imagine being Buzz and Neil and being able to flex like that. I went to the grocery store the other day, accidentally dropped a jar of Marmite and then stood in it - so my footprint was there because the cashier couldn't handle the Marmite-y smell for long enough to clean it up and apparently I wasn't allowed to help for 'health and safety'. So at least my footprint is going to be imprinted somewhere. Just nowhere that's as cool as the moon.

5. The moon was once a piece of the earth.

JESS' INPUT: People think that there was some sort of collision which made a part of earth break off. They say it was an early protoplanet of Mars called Theia. Anyway, Theia made the moon break away from Earth but it stayed around to orbit us because of the Earth's gravitational pull. Don't you love the moon? She's a lesbian queen! Hey, maybe Theia had a crush on her or something and just went about it like, the wrong way.

6. There is floating water in space.

JESS' INPUT: Uh huh! So there's this massive water vapour cloud that astronauts found and it holds - oh my gosh, get reads for this - it holds 140 trillion times the mass of Earth's oceans. My head is honestly spinning just thinking about it. 140 trillion! That's crazy!

7. There is a volcano on Mars three times the size of Everest.

JESS' INPUT: Yep, her name is Olympus Mons and I would personally like to know why she didn't have a starring role in The Martian. Maybe it's because she would have easily outshined Matt Damon. Sorry, Matt.

8. In 3.75 billion years, the Milky Way and Andromeda Galaxies will collide.

JESS' INPUT: I'll be honest, my brain doesn't even know where to begin processing this. I can't... compute. What is this... I can't... Sorry, I'm shutting down. Jess out!

7 OREO FLAVOURS

7. Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos. - you can pretend you can handle spicy food by eating one of these. and doesn't that make you look cultured, huh? still... it's a weird mix of flavours. 5/10. 6. Peeps Oreos. - a solid 7/10 for taste... but you still feel guilty about eating a fluffy marshmallow chicken, hence the low ranking. 5. Oreo Mini. - all the 10/10 taste of a regular oreo but they're tiny so it's very easy to hide them when you want to sneakily eat them in class! a solid 12/10 for being so gosh darn convenient. 4. Golden Oreos. - look, you were brought up in ireland and that means that sometimes you just really, really want a custard cream, okay? this is america's answer to that and it comes in a delicious, compact oreo form. *chef's kiss* exquisite. 8.5/10 3. Mint Oreos. - honestly, it's so easy to feel halfway to sophisticated when you eat one of these. a solid 9/10. 2. Red Velvet Oreos. - CREAM CHEESE IS THE PEOPLE'S CHEESE!!! 10/10!!!!!! 1. Cinnamon Bun Oreos. - you nearly cried when you tasted these for the first time. the sun was shining. obama was president. your skin was clear, your crops were growing. the promise of tomorrow was as bright and warm as the feeling in your chest when that cinnamon-y biscuit-y goodness first met your tastebuds. you could write an essay on cinnamon bun oreos. 100000/10.

6 FAMILY MEMBERS

1. Jensen Greenfeld

Your dad is probably your favourite person in the world. You'd do anything for him - including deferring your college acceptance to keep an eye on him, because that's what family does. He's your rock, your best friend, and he's the most giving person you've ever met in your life. He and your mum met in university when he studied abroad for a year and they were instantly best friends, keeping in touch long after they'd graduated and your dad moved back home. He knew your mum always wanted a kid and so he gave her you. It's unconventional, you know that, and most people raised their eyebrows at him helping another woman conceive in such a short time after his wife passed away, but that's the kind of person your dad is. Generosity helped him through his grief. How could anyone criticise that? He taught you how to ride a bike, change a leaky exhaust and adopted Comet for you so you wouldn't feel so lonely when you moved to New York to be with him. When he ended up in hospital, you were beside yourself. But not because you had to stay with him now instead of going to college like you'd planned. You could never begrudge him that, not when so much of his own life has been dedicated to making sure you were happy.

2. Magda McTaggert

Your mum has never had the easiest life. Disowned by her parents after she came out to them, she had to make her own way in the world. That's something you've never been able to relate to, because she made sure that you always had people who loved you. When you were sick as a kid, she stayed up with you every night, barely getting any sleep herself. She was your champion when you began to learn sign language, and she held your hand when the doctors first began talking about your cochlear implants. You miss her when she's in Ireland and you're in America, but she's only ever a Skype call away.

3. Kinsey McTaggert

Technically, Kinsey is your step-mother. But you rarely refer to her as that. She's your ma. She's been in your life since you were three-years-old so keeping her at arms-length with a 'step' term doesn't feel right to you when she's just as much your family as your mum and dad are. Sure, you'll call her by your first name but that's because Kinsey is so terrifyingly, inexplicably, astronomically cool. She's been managing bands for her whole life, she has pink hair and she let you come on tour when you were younger and being homeschooled. Your fondest memories are the tour bus with your mum and Kinsey and whatever up and coming rockers had adopted you as their little sister. Kinsey is the reason you felt alright leaving your mum behind to start school in America. You know she's in safe hands with her wife.

4. Michelle Greenfeld

Michelle has pretty much hated you since the day you were born. Perhaps 'hate' is a strong word, but she highly dislikes you and never let you forget the fact that you're only her half-sister. In some ways, you get it. You came into the family shortly after her mum had died. Her dad had a kid with another woman and, even though there were absolutely no romantic feelings involved, it still must have felt like a kick in the teeth. You try your best to be accommodating of her feelings because you know she's not all bad. The ways she treats Brendan and especially Gabby is proof of that. She can be the perfect big sister - unfortunately, just not to you.

5. Brendan Greenfeld

Brendan likes you though, and you're so happy about that. Brendan is exactly what you want in a big brother. He's protective and funny and taught you all the cheats for his video games, so you're basically unstoppable when it comes to Mario Kart now. He was also the one that told Gabby to shut up when she saw you for the first time after you lost your hearing. He took learning sign language in his stride and always makes sure there's room for you to sit at movie night. Sometimes you worry that, if it ever came down to it, he'd still pick Michelle over you - full sibling loyalty and all. But maybe that's doing Brendan an injustice, because he's never been anything other than the perfect big brother to you.

6. Gabby Greenfeld

Gabby is a sweetheart. She might be a little flaky at times and come out with mildly offensive things, but you know that she means well. Michelle is her favourite but she loves you as well, even if she often turns her nose up at your love for scrunchies and denim jackets. She'd rather get you to wear something sparkly and show-y and while you'll never say no to glitter, you don't think that Gabby's closet is quite for you. In fact, you're pretty sure only she can pull it off. Gabby is wild and free and doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. She's loving and loud and you want to make sure that you get to keep her around forever.

5 MEMORIES

memory one

You blush when Tor lets out a low whistle. "Some talent you've got there, Little J," he says. That makes you blush even more. Tor is just so nice. And has a handsome face. Kinsey says you're far too young to like boys yet and that you're far too smart to like someone like Tor. She says he goes through girls like a revolving door and you're not sure what that means, but you like the attention from him anyway. "I was just messing around," you smile, your fingers trailing over the keys again. He tips back his head and laughs. "Well, mess around anymore and I might be out of a job. Are you trying to upstage me?" Tor teases. Grinning, you shake your head and Serge wanders over. Normally, he's so tall and silent and sort of intimidating but his smile is warm when he reaches over to ruffle your hair. "Say the word and I'll kick Tor to the curb in an instant, Jess," he promises solemnly. You know that they're just joking, but it's nice to feel that sort of validation. Especially when you're a little kid and they're rockstars. That's why music is so special, it brings everyone together, even Irish Harry Potter enthusiasts and charming keyboardists with pretty eyes.

memory two

The headache has cleared up but you still feel groggy and confused and so you fall back asleep again, promising yourself that you'll ask after your mum when you wake up again. Because maybe then you'll be able to hear her. There's no such luck when you come to again. Everything is silent and it's too weird to even begin describing. You're confused at first but your mum's tears, your dad's shell-shocked expression and the grim line set around Kinsey's mouth helps you to put the pieces together. There's a kind looking doctor who's writing something on a notepad for you, and you already know what it's going to say before he places it in your lap. You've worked it out. You're deaf. It's as if years fall away from you at that moment. It's hard to reconcile the news with everything you know about yourself. Your whole childhood has been music and now what? That's gone away and you're just meant to be okay with it? How is that fair? With shaking hands, you take the pen from the doctor and write a reply. As soon as your mum reads it, she starts crying again but your dad finds it in himself to smile and he reaches over to squeeze your knee through the hospital bedsheets. He still has that piece of paper which is stupidly sentimental of him and you love him for it. It read: Okay. What's next?

memory three

At first, you were excited. After years of homeschooling, you're finally going to a proper high school and you get to see your dad every day. What's not to love about all of that? However, now that you're in New York, the nerves have started to settle in. What if no one wants to be your friend? What if the kids at school are weird about the deaf thing? What if they try and touch your implant? What if they don't let you join the soccer team even though Kinsey bought you new cleats specifically for that? Most of all, what if Michelle tries to smother you in your sleep? Your dad laughs when you voice that one aloud. "Don't you think you're being a little bit dramatic?" he asks you, fondly smoothing down your hair. You laugh along with him but you aren't so sure. That night at dinner, Michelle spears a meatball with her fork in such an aggressive manner, glaring at you all the while, that you think you're about to faint. No, you don't think you're being dramatic at all.

memory four

"Jess? Jess, are you alright?" At first, you can't even reply. You're too speechless. With shaking hands, you present him with the letter - your CalTech acceptance letter. Your dad cheers at once and he scoops you up into a hug and you think that you could just die of happiness right then and there. You're going to be studying aeronautical engineering. All of the hard work, the late night physics reading, the dedication to science club, the hours spent in your dad's garage understanding engines, the grease and oil covering your hands and your hair and your face. It was all worth it. And now it's one step closer to NASA.

memory five

A heart attack. Your dad isn't even old, and as far as you know he's always had a clean bill of health so what's changed. You stay silent all the way to the hospital and Brendan lets you. When you arrive, Gabby hugs you and even Michelle manages a watery smile your way. Then all four of you are allowed into see him. He's lying in bed, tubes attached to him, but he's sitting upright and he smiles at you, his kids, even if he does look sleepy. Then he cracks some sort of joke and hell if you can remember what it is. But that's what makes you cry. The idea of college goes flying right out the window. He argues with you, naturally. So you lie and tell him you were never that sure about it anyway. He doesn't believe you at first because that career path has been the only thing you've ever been sure about since you were 11-years-old. Maybe you're a good actress because eventually he relents and lets you stay with him. Or maybe, deep down, he's scared to be on his own now too.

4 CRUSHES

1. Tor Eklund

keyboard player for The Corkscrews

has the nicest set of teeth in the world

went through girls like a revolving door according to Kinsey

called you 'little J'

total dreamboat

saw you as a little sister

2. Graham O'Connell

striker for the boys football team in Ireland

had never seen or read Harry Potter but he had floppy hair so you were willing to make allowances

always complimented your football boots

was your first kiss

asked if the two of you could keep in touch when you moved to Canada

messaged you one day to say he'd started watching Harry Potter

you were overjoyed

messaged you again to say he didn't really like Remus Lupin

you well and truly dodged that bullet, didn't you?

3. Amanda Forbes

literally the prettiest girl you've ever seen in your life

was visiting Jasper in the summer with her family

was also a cheerleader

your bisexual awakening

said she wanted to kiss you because she had never kissed a girl before

kissed you lots of times that summer

ghosted you when she left and has a boyfriend now

well, fine then, Amanda

4. Steve Rogers aka Captain America

I mean, you're only bloody human, aren't you?

3 JOBS

1. Neighbourhood Dog Walker

You were fourteen. You needed some money. You loved dogs. It made perfect sense. All the neighbours trusted you to look after their pooches and you made about twenty different canine friends.

2. Apprentice Mechanic

When you told your dad you wanted to be an aeronautical engineer, he said that you needed hands on experience. It helped that he owned an auto shop. Convenient, right? He thought a week working alongside him would help you get to grips with things and prepare you for college. You kept working there for three years. You loved it so much.

3 Aeronatucial Engineer

With your dad on the mend, it doesn’t seem like such a pipe dream anymore. Now you’re at NYU and you feel lucky that they want you to study with them. It’s not CalTech but it’s still one step closer to NASA, and this way you still get to be close to your dad.

2 DOGS

1. Comet

2. Sirius

1 JESS

Bubbly, optimistic, generous, strong-willed, determined, resilient, resourceful, courageous, cheery, nurturing, reckless, stubborn, lacks self-awareness, self-conscious, easily influenced, cares too much about what other people think of her, total Gryffindor, eats too many Oreos, space nerd, deaf, soccer player, cheerleader, dog mom, half-Irish, half-American.

#muse;

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