#Keys Rainer
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Whay if Rainer is split into different parts and its a struggle of getting them all back together?
#whoaaahh split personality#its not meant to be a no no no#its more like different key parts of rainer that get torn apart#brain storms
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Book Review- The Wealth Elite: A Groundbreaking Study of the Psychology of the Super Rich, by Rainer Zitelmann Notes
I came across this book because I was looking for psychology books. I found the first of the book rather boring and too textbook-y. The second part is much better.
The author interviewed like 45 millionaire - billionaires. These were his findings.
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48% stated that real estate was an ‘important’ source of their wealth, and one in ten described real estate as the ‘most important’ aspect of their personal wealth-building. And a total of 20% described stock market gains as an ‘important’ factor in wealth-building, although in this case only 2.4% stated that this was the ‘most important’ factor in building their wealth.
‘Creative intelligence’ is key to financial success. The following is a comparison between the percentage of entrepreneurs (and in brackets the percentage of attorneys) who agreed that the following factors played a decisive role in their financial success: seeing opportunities others do not see: 42 (19); finding a profitable niche: 35 (14).
The role of habitus
* Intimate knowledge of required codes of dress and etiquette
* Broad-based general education
* An entrepreneurial attitude, including an optimistic outlook on life
* Supreme self-assurance in appearance and manner.
He identifies a key quality that is essential for any prospective appointee to the executive board or senior management of a major company: habitual similarities to those who already occupy such positions.
Skillset of Entrepreneurs
* The ‘conqueror’. The entrepreneur has to have the ability to make plans and a strong will to carry them out.
* The ‘organizer’. The entrepreneur has to have the ability to bring large numbers of people together into a happy, successful creative force.
* The ‘trader’. What Sombart describes as a ‘trader’, we would more likely call a talented salesperson today. The entrepreneur has to “confer with another, and, by making the best of your own case and demonstrating the weakness of his, get him to adopt what you propose. Negotiation is but an intellectual sparring match.”
Entrepreneurial success personality traits
* Commitment
* Creativity
* A high degree of extroversion
* Low levels of agreeableness
Entrepreneurial success personality traits
* Orientation towards action after suffering disappointments (the entrepreneur remains able to act, even after failure)
* Internal locus of control (the conviction “I hold my destiny in my own two hands”)
* Optimism (the expectation that the future holds positive things in store)
* Self-efficacy (the expectation that tasks can be performed successfully, even in difficult circumstances).
constant power struggles with their teachers in order to ascertain who would emerge the stronger from such confrontations.
Secret of selling
* Empathy
* Didactics
* Expert knowledge
* Networking.
Conscientiousness is the dominant personality trait. Extroversion is also very common among the interviewees. Openness to Experience is very common
A high tolerance to frustration is one of the most characteristic personality traits of this group.
exceptionally high levels of mental stability.
primarily characterize entrepreneurs as being prepared to swim against the current and make their decisions irrespective of majority opinion.
“No, I never did that (lost my temper). I never get loud. But I can be resolute and say: “That is unacceptable.” And then you either have to go your separate ways or make a decision that the other party might not like. It’s the same in negotiations. I was always described by other people as a bit of a toughie.”
Having the courage to stand against majority opinion is probably a prerequisite for making successful investments, as this is what makes it possible to buy cheap and sell high.
Many of the interviewees spoke about their ability to switch off and direct their focus, even in the event of major problems. The interviewees consistently referred to their ability to focus on solutions, rather than torturing themselves with problems.
At least in the initial phases of wealth creation, most of the interviewees rated their own risk profiles as very high. This changes during the stabilization phase, when risk profiles decrease. In this phase, the hypothesis of moderate risk does apply.
Conscientiousness was the interviewees’ most dominant personality trait. It is important to remember that the Big Five theory’s definition of conscientiousness does not just include qualities such as duty, precision, and thoroughness, but also emphasizes diligence, discipline, ambition, and stamina.
#c suite#powerful woman#strong women#ceo aesthetic#personal growth#that girl#productivity#getting your life together#balance#book review#books
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we could be more | dean winchester | 12
Summary: Ivonne Rainer was practically a trained killing machine. Stripped to the bone then built back up by her father in order to become one of the best, like he was. She was forced into hunting when she was nineteen, having developed powers that couldn’t be explained. That is, until she was paid a visit by Azazel’s lackey. Her powers were gone, she needed help, and that’s when she found her father’s journal. Pointing to Sam and Dean Winchester.
SERIES MASTERLIST
PLAYTHINGS
ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : DOLLS - BELLA POARCH
“That amulet protected the wearer from possession.” Dad repeated. “It was blessed, and I gave it to your mother until Ellen got it. Giving that up put you in danger. You wouldn’t even be able to know how long you have left.”
“So you failed to mention in your little note to Ellen that the necklace was the ONLY thing protecting me from being possessed by a PSYCHO who’s been after my BLOOD for EIGHT YEARS?!” I burst out, karate chopping my palm. “Yeah, cause that’s not important.”
“I wanted to tell you.”
“No, you didn’t. Not until I went and faced Gordon Walker and suddenly I’m in immense danger. Two weeks, Dad. Two. Plenty of time for you to warn me.”
“I wanted to, Ivonne.” He pleaded. “More than anything, but I didn’t know how you’d react-“
“Better than this! I’m now a walking death timer! I could even stick a knife in anyone and I wouldn’t even know it and I’d be blaming myself for this. When I should really be blaming you.”
“I was dead for eight years!”
“Yeah, dead for eight years while I had to pick up the pieces. The yellow-eyed demon chose Carter for his sick plan, but Carter’s dead, so I became the next contender. Because I was the last one standing. I lived with the guilt of Mom’s death, Lily’s, Carter’s, my baby brother’s and yours. Because you sent me that tape, told me not to look for you and I listened, stayed at home when I could’ve been the difference between whether you survived or not. A week after that tape, you’re dead and I knew that I could’ve done something but I decided to follow your orders like a good little soldier. Nothing in that tape explaining what I might be facing. Nothing preparing me for what’d happen a few months later.”
“Ivonne-“
“THAT THING SLAUGHTERED MY FAMILY!” I yelled, completely losing it.
“Our… family.”
“You don’t get to call it ‘our family’ anymore.” I fumed.
”Oh, she went there.” I heard Sam whisper.
“You weren’t there for the last few years before you died. You missed my graduation. My first prom. Hell, you even missed my eighteenth birthday in the name of killing the supernatural! I looked up to you more than anything, Dad, but our family was falling apart. I looked to you for help and you weren’t there. I look at our video tapes and I remember what we were like when I was growing up, but somehow I only remember the good parts. That’s cause I’m trying to find every excuse I can find to paint you as an amazing father and somehow live up to the name of the great Mick Rainer, hunter extraordinaire.”
Dad crumbled, starting forward. “Jellybean-“
I held out a hand to stop him. “Don’t ‘jellybean’ me. Just don’t. I’m done with you, Dad. I-I wasn’t even thinking when I made that deal and essentially traded my life for yours. I’m not your puppet. I’m…” I turned to see Dean and Sam at the foot of the stairs, watching everything with a bewildered expression. I grabbed my leather jacket, wearing it and grabbing my safe house keys and my satchel. I stormed out of the door, and I heard jogging behind me.
“Beanie!” Dean called. I continued walking, not wanting to hear consolations or a ‘calm down’. “Hey, BEANIE!”
“WHAT?” I yelled back, stopping and turning around.
“Where’re you going? It’s 8:00 in the evening.”
“My other safe house here. It has more beer.” I replied, then started walking off.
“Beer? Count me in!”
After locking the door, I went to the fridge and my cabinets, pulling out a casket of beer and a couple bottles of whiskey. “I’m gonna change, just make yourself at home.” I went into a bedroom, pulling my long pyjama shirt on and taking my bottoms off. I ran my fingers through my hair, then dumped my clothes on the bed in that room before coming back out. Dean gave me a once over, then passed me a bottle of beer.
“I’ve been waiting for when you get here.” He cracked open his bottle and I did mine, both of us clinking them. “Cheers.”
”Cheers.” I took a large sip out of my beer, rubbing my forehead.
“How much of a heavyweight are you?”
“I’m not that heavy.” I chuckled. “I just want to get drunk so I can forget about this for the time being.”
“I feel you.” He raised his bottle. “To forgetting about our problems.”
“Touché.” I did the same, drinking.
“What would you do if you weren’t a hunter?”
“Complete my college course, make a name for myself, then find a guy, get married.” I shrugged. “But if I think about it, I wouldn’t have met you and Sam if I hadn’t become a hunter. If Carter’s abilities hadn’t been transferred to me, or if I’d gone dark side and done the yellow eyes man’s bidding. Now I can’t imagine life without you two bozos.”
“Words hurt, but I get your point.” He got up, already swaying because he’d finished his first bottle. “I’m gonna head to the restroom.”
“First door in the hallway opposite.” He nodded and then left, and Carl sprang up from my bag, writing on a sheet of paper.
You like him.
“No.” I refused. “I just can’t. Dean’s got too much going on and so do I, plus, I’ve learnt that short-distance relationships end up with me shooting them. Besides, there’s James.”
No, there’s Dean.
“Why are you so set on Dean? You talked to me about this last week!”
You two are really protective of each other.
“Yeah, and so are you and your precious refills. Doesn’t mean you’re dating.” Dean walked, or, more accurately, stumbled, back in, flopping down on the sofa.
“Wanna crack open the whiskey?” He rumbled, and I grinned, taking out two glasses and filling them each up with whiskey, passing one to him. I sipped mine, my mind growing more cloudy than I’d intended it to. “Oh, yeah, that’s the good stuff.”
Both Dean and I were laughing our heads off, collapsed against the sofa.
“No way! That happened in T-Tampa?” I giggled, sipping my fifth glass of whiskey. “You’re mad.”
“The waitress was h-hot!”
“S-She turned out to be a witch… Dean.”
“You’re a witch, but I don’t complain.” He smirked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “Am I a burden, Winchester?”
He glanced at me with a look that I couldn’t really explain. His green eyes had a dark quality to them, his voice getting rougher by the minute. “Nah, you’re not. You’ve- you’ve been great.”
“T-Tell me m-more.”
“Well, y-you’re the b-best lady hunter I know. Probably gonna top most o’ the d-dudes I know. You always get S-Sammy and I o-outta fixes, I owe you for that. When y-you handle a gun… there’s this f-face that you make. You’ve got this… this… look in your eyes.”
“That looks stupid, right?” I giggled airily, sipping some whiskey.
“No, it’s… it’s goddamn sexy, that’s what it is. You’re goddamn sexy.” He downed the rest of his whiskey, him staring into my eyes with his pupils blown wide. My gaze flickered down to his lips, then I drank the rest of mine. “Beanie, I-“
“God damn it, Dean…” I whispered, grabbing his collar and pulling him in for a kiss. He pulled away, his hands cupping my cheeks. He took a breath, giving me the fifth once-over of the evening before something snapped inside him, and he hooked his hand under my knee, pulling me to straddle him before kissing me again.
His hands were like they were everywhere but at one place at the same time, one arm looped around my waist while the other held my thigh, occasionally squeezing as if to remind himself where he was. His lips were so soft and he tasted like whiskey, mint and something indescribable that was just very… Dean, while the scent of his cologne, something along the lines of gunpowder, cinnamon and leather made me feel dizzy in his arms. I didn’t really care, cause damn, it was intoxicating. He pulled back, eyes closed for a moment and out of breath as he leaned his forehead on mine.
“Are you sure?” He asked softly, holding me in a way which told me that he wanted this too.
“Dean, who kissed who first?” I smirked, my hands resting on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. I could see all his scars, faint scratches on his skin but they looked like they told a damn good story.
“You did.”
“Are we gonna remember this after being black out drunk?”
“No.”
“Then let’s make it count.” I grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, lifting it off his head in one smooth motion. He did the same to me, running his hand from my face, down to my arm, then my waist, hips, and ending on my leg. His eyes drank up whatever he could, his fingers lingering
“Damn.” He hesitated for a moment, the cogs visibly whirring in his head as his chest heaved. Then he let out an almost needy moan, lips kissing down my neck like I was his lifeline, propping himself up on one knee to switch positions and lay me down on the sofa, and I put my hand in his hair, thanking the whiskey cause boy this man knows what he’s doing. I gave him access to my neck, my lips parted as I gasped for breath, struggling to keep in my sharp moans. “This… this is just for tonight, right?”
“Yeah.”
I woke up the next morning at 5am, rubbing my forehead and trying to ignore the hangover. I had my shirt on, but my hair was disheveled. Dean was asleep on the other sofa, a small smirk on his face as he slept with one arm under his head. I stood up, but I almost collapsed due to a feeling in my legs like they’d cramped badly throughout the night, making me grab onto the sofa for support. I shook my head, collecting the bottles and disposing the empty ones, pulling my workout clothes out of my satchel and quickly changing. I tied up my hair, glancing momentarily at Dean asleep on the sofa before going into my home gym and getting straight to doing pull ups on my bar. I got a call, so I dropped down, picked it up and held the phone to my ear, panting. “You’ve reached Ivonne Rainer’s cell.”
‘I was half expecting you to decline the call.’ I heard James on the other end.
“James!” I grinned, wiping the sweat off my forehead with a towel. “How’ve you been?”
‘Good, yeah. I’m not interrupting something important, am I? You sound… uh… out of breath.’
I got what he was insinuating, panic striking through me. “Oh, no, no, no, I’m not getting laid. I was just doing pull ups in my gym.”
‘Your house doesn’t have a gym. Are you on a hunt?’
“No, just recovering from an argument with my dad.” I sighed. “I decided to have an early morning since I got wasted last night. Hell of a hangover, though, so I’m working it off.”
‘That’s good, and bad, cause I found something.’ He paused. ‘Two freak accidents at a hotel. One woman drowns in her bathtub, then soon after a man seemingly falls and his head makes a one-eighty. Isn’t normal, so I called you to see whether you’d check it out since I was swamped with work.’
“Can you email me images of the accidents, or is that out of your jurisdiction, police boy?”
‘I can make a few calls. By the way, dinner was great.’
“It was. Love you, bye.” I cut the call, looking up to see Dean at the door, still shirtless and looking impressed. He was leaning against the doorframe, running his hand through his hair while his shirt was hanging from his other hand. This kind of felt like a cliché bad boy sitch.
“What happened last night?” He asked, walking in and whistling when he saw the plates on my bench.
“We got wasted.” I shrugged. “At least, that’s what I remember.”
“I did have really bad breath this morning.” He stared at a stack of gold medals in a box and a set of pointe shoes beside it. “Gymnastics gold medals? And… ballet shoes?”
“I used to be a ballet dancer and gymnast.” I explained.
“And you chose hunting? Bold.”
“Bold was my only option, Dean.” I chuckled, then loosened my hair. “Anyway, James called. He said there’s an inn with two extremely unlikely freak accidents. Woman drowns in a bathtub, and a man seemingly falls and his head’s been snapped the full 180.”
“Let’s go get Sammy.”
“Dude, this is sweet. I never get to work jobs like this.” Dean grinned as we got out of the car.
“Like what?” Sam chuckled, glancing between Dean and I.
“Old school haunted houses, you know? Fog, and secret passageways, sissy British accents. Might even run into Fred and Daphne while we're inside.” He chuckled. “Daphne. Love her.”
“Of course you do.” I laughed, then spotted something, kneeling down. “I'm not so sure haunted's the problem.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s a quincunx.” I tapped the symbol. “Typically used for hoodoo spellwork. If you fill it with bloodweed, you have a five-star way of warding off enemies.”
“Yeah, except I don't see any bloodweed. Don't you think this place is a little too, uh, whitemeat for hoodoo?”
“Maybe.” I stood up. “Alright, you two go in first and book a room, and I’ll go after.”
“Why?”
“Cause I want my own room. And I don’t want to owe you money.”
Sam shook his head, laughing. “Fair enough.” They went in, and I walked in afterwards, looking around.
“Hey, Carl?” I whispered. “Notice anything?” Carl wiggled in my pocket, tapping out ‘no’ in Morse. “Ok, but keep lookin’.”
“May I help you?” The lady at the front desk asked, looking at Sam and Dean amiably.
“Hi, yeah, I'd like a room for a couple of nights.” Dean smiled. Then a kid ran past him, bumping into Sam with a giggle and running off.
“Hey!” The lady snapped, then sighed, as if she was tired. “Sorry about that.”
”No problem.” Sam grinned.
“Well, um, congratulations, you could be some of our final guests.”
“Sounds vaguely ominous.” Dean chuckled.
“No, I'm sorry, I mean we're closing at the end of the month.” She took a look between them. “Well, let me guess. You guys are here antiquing?”
“How’d you know?”
“You just look the type.” I raised an eyebrow, smirking. The type? “So, uh, king-sized bed?”
Sam blinked, realising what she was saying. I bit my lip to hold in my laughter, but a quiet giggle did manage to escape me. “What? No, uh, no, we're, we're… two singles. We're just brothers.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“What do you mean, ‘we look the type’?” Dean asked curiously. The lady struggled to form an answer, so Sam jumped in.
“You know, speaking of antiques, you have a really, really interesting urn on the front porch.” He stammered, fiddling with his hands. “Where did you get that?”
“Oh, I have no idea, it's been there forever.” She handed Dean a key, dinging a bell. “Here you go, Mr Mahagov. You'll be staying in room 237. Sherwin, could you show these gentlemen to their rooms?“ An old man with thinning grey hair and dressed in a black blazer showed up, taking Dean’s duffel bag and starting to limp up the stairs. I went to the desk, handing the lady, whose badge read Susan, my fake card under the name Lily Carter.
“A room for one, please.” I smiled, and she gasped upon reading the name.
“You don’t need to pay.” She informed. “A gentleman by the name of Fred Jones came and said that a lady by the name Lily Carter would be showing up soon. He also said to give you this.” She pulled out a gardenia and a rhododendron, giving it to me along with the key. I grinned goofily, biting my lip again. A rhododendron. I knew exactly who this was. “He really loves you. I gave you the best suite, by the way.”
“I’m sure he does, and thank you.” I chuckled, taking the key from her and going upstairs. I unlocked the door, finding an all-too-familiar man lying on the bed. He smirked at me, holding an orange gladiolus in his hand, green eyes glinting mischievously and his expression highlighting the intense shadow on his cheek. “And here I thought you were swamped with work, Fred Jones.”
“Come on, I don’t wanna pass up the chance to see you in a haunted inn.” James stood up, handing the gladiolus to me. “Milady.”
“Did you have to do the theatrics?” I sighed. “First a Scooby Doo reference, then giving me a rhododendron, couldn’t be more obvious as to what that meant, a gardenia, meaning joy and sweetness, and finally a gladiolus. An orange one.”
“Meaning that you’re strong and capable.” He winked. “I studied up on my botany.”
“So, how’s your… police work… going?” I picked up the files with the crime scene photos from his bedside table, flicking through them.
“I’m off-duty, obviously. But I’ve been a bit distracted. Got this mystery girl on my mind.” James gave me a once over, biting his lip for a split second.
“Oh, really?” I fake-gasped, raising an eyebrow.
“Mhmm. Diana knows who she is, but everyone else wants to know who’s gotten my attention.” He continued. “Naturally, I can’t tell them she’s a girl running around with a felon wanted by the Feds.”
“Naturally.” I smiled, putting down the case files and the flowers in a vase. “I’m glad you’re here, James. Really.”
“Good, cause I was wondering whether you’d pull a gun on me for stalking you.”
“More so pull that tie off.” I teased, pointing at the tie he was wearing with his suit. “That Trinity is killing me.”
“I knew I should’ve done a half-Windsor.” He pouted like a little baby, undoing his tie, then folded his arms. “So, uh, I got you the case files, I learnt that Susan has a little girl called Tyler, and I got you here. Albeit with Sam and Dean.”
“Thank you for that. I owe you one.”
“Yeah, and I’m gonna have to cash that in. Do you have any spare men’s clothes? Cause, i, um, didn’t exactly think the whole romantic gesture thing through and didn’t pack anything. And I really don’t wanna sleep in a suit.” I buried my hand into my satchel, pulling out some spare clothes for him to wear, shoving them into his hands. “Thanks, beautiful.”
“You’re welcome, handsome.” I winked. He hesitated for a moment, then threw the clothes down and put his hands on the small of my back, kissing me while my hand instinctively cupped the nape of his neck. After a few seconds, I pulled back, grinning. “Bold move, Serge.”
“I learnt from the best.” He pulled the rubberband from my plait and took my beanie off my head, letting my hair fall loose. He then picked me up, laying me down on the bed before climbing on top of me, taking off his suit jacket before he claimed my lips again.
I was sitting in James’ lap, studying the case, when someone knocked on the door. “Beanie?” It was Dean, and when I opened the door, his eyes immediately landed on James. “Oh, hey, Serge.”
“Dean.” James nodded.
“Hey, James.” Sam popped his head around the door. “How’re you doing?”
“I’m good, you?”
“As well as I can.”
“Alright, get in here, then.” I beckoned them inside. Once they were in, I closed the door and locked it. “What’ve you guys got?”
“We figured that someone might be using hoodoo to fight off people who want to sell the home. Y’know, cause that quincunx wards away enemies.”
“But that doesn’t make sense, exactly.” I frowned. “Quincunxes would prevent the enemy from entering entirely, let alone kill them if they got too close.”
“So then what’s the plan?”
“I’ll lay it on Susan.” I said matter-of-factly. “It’s gonna be harder for two men to do it than it would be for one woman. Besides, she seemed to take a liking to me. She thought you two were gay.”
“That’s settled, then.” James got up. “I’ll go over the cases a few more times, see if I can find anything interesting.”
“Thanks.” I picked my room key up, going over to the door. “Behave, while you’re at it.” As soon as I stepped out of the room, however, I saw Dad standing there, looking apologetic. “Geez, who brought the buzzkill?”
He sighed, reaching out. “Jellybean-“
“I made it very clear yesterday that I don’t want anything to do with you.” I retorted. “And here you go, tracking me.”
“How else am I going to help my only daughter?” He pleaded. “I can’t leave you out there, alone, with the chance that someone could take over your brain while you’re sleeping.”
“I have three very strong men to restrain me if things go wrong, Dad.” I frowned.
“I trained you to be stronger-“
“You trained me to be you.” I sneered. “All people say of me is that I’m Mick Rainer’s girl. That’s my identity, because you raised me in your image. And I realised that eight years too late.” I knocked on Susan’s door, and she opened it, smiling when she saw me.
“Miss Carter!” Susan grinned. “How can I help you? Is your room alright?”
“I just came to thank you for the surprise.” I grinned, slipping on a fake ring I kept in my pocket in case of emergencies. “My fiancé and I recently got engaged, so I think he just wanted to surprise me.”
“Well, you’re such a lucky person.” She appraised. “Well, I was, I was just in the middle of packing.”
“Are those antique dolls?” I gasped, spotting one. “My grandma used to own some.”
“Really? Come in!” She let me in, and I looked at the dollhouse.
“Is that-“
“A replica of the hotel? You guessed right.” I bent down, picking up a doll.
“This one’s broken.”
“That’d be Tyler.”
“Mommy!” Tyler ran in, stroppy. “Maggie’s being mean!”
“Tyler, tell her I said to be nice, okay?” Susan lectured, and I knelt to Tyler’s height.
“Hey, Tyler.” I smiled. “I’m Lily, and I see you broke your doll. Want me to fix it?”
“I didn’t break it.” She grumbled. “I found it like that.”
“Maybe Maggie did it.”
“No, neither of us did it. Grandma would get mad if we broke 'em.”
“Tyler, Grandma wouldn’t get mad.” Susan sighed.
“Grandma?” I asked politely.
”Grandma Rose. These were all her toys.”
“And where’s she now?”
“Up in her room.” Tyler smiled.
“How is she? Doing well?”
“She…” Susan paused, “she barely comes out anymore. Never takes visitors.” The way she said it made me intrigued. And suspicious.”
“That’s sad to hear. Give her my well wishes.” I clicked my tongue, then stood up. “Anyway, I better get going. My fiancé’s probably waiting up for me. It was great meeting you again, Susan.”
“You too, Lily.” I hugged her, and she patted my shoulder. “Call if you need anything.”
“I’ll make sure of it. Bye, Tyler.” I waved, then left the room and ignored Dad, going into mine and meeting the boys. “I got the info I needed, and look what the cat dragged in.” Dad entered behind me, and Dean and Sam instantly stood up, the air becoming tense.
“Mr Rainer.” Dean nodded coldly.
“Sir.” Sam gulped.
“Boys.” Dad coughed.
”Ok, so there’s a Grandma Rose here.” I flicked through my hoodoo book. “Lives in practical solitary, doesn’t take visitors. I think we found our hoodoo and voodoo lady.”
“All right, I'll see what I can go dig up on boomin' Granny.” Dean agreed. “Sam, James, you go get online, check old obits, freak accidents, that sort of thing, see if she's whacked anybody before.”
“And me?” Dad asked.
“You sit there and do nothing.” I snapped.
“There's been another one. Some guy just hung himself in his room.” I sighed, walking back in with Dean. James and Dad were in the other room.
“We saw the guy being carted off.” Sam grimaced. “Bad business.”
“We've gotta figure this out, and fast.” Dean frowned. “What'd you find out about Granny?”
“You’re the boss.”
Dean stopped. “What?”
”You're bossy. And short.” Sam giggled. I raised an eyebrow, walking over to Sam and lifting up his face so he could face me.
“Are you drunk?” I scrutinised, checking his eyes for his focus. Then I saw the empty bottles of beer.
“Yeah.” He snorted. “So?”
“We’re on a case, Sam.”
“That guy who hung himself. I couldn't save him.”
“You couldn’t have done anything, Sam.” Dean frowned.
“That's an excuse, Dean. I should have found a way to save him. I should have saved Ava too.”
“You can’t save everyone, Sammy.” I hugged him, smoothing his hair down.
“No, you don't understand, all right? The more people I save, the more I can change!”
“Change what?” Dean groaned.
“My destiny!” Wow, that’s dramatic. Or not so much, but I stand my ground.
“O-kay, Sasquatch, time for bed.” I laughed, hauling Sam up and putting his arm around my shoulder, limping with him to his bed. I threw him down, pulling the blanket over him.
“I need you to watch out for me.” Sam whispered.
“We’re doing that, Sammy.”
“No, I mean, watch out for me.” He groaned. “If I go the wrong way, Dean, I need you to… to kill me.”
“Sam, no.” Dean refused. “I’m not doing that.”
“You have to.”
“No-“
“Dean!” Sam grabbed Dean’s collar. “You’re the only one who can do it. Please.”
“Sammy, I-“
“Do it.”
Dean conceded, nodding. “Ok. I’ll-I’ll do it.”
“Thank you.” Then Sam fell asleep. Dean rubbed his face, gritting his teeth.
“I can’t kill him.” He muttered, voice breaking. “Why’s he asking me to do it?”
I frowned. “Because you’re his brother.”
“Dad asked me to do it, but I just can’t-“
“I’ll do it, then.” I ran a hand through my hair, biting my lip.
“What?”
“I’ll do it.” I
“But… but why?”
“You’ve got enough of a guilty conscience, Dean.” I crossed my arms. “Sometimes it seems like I don’t have enough of one.”
“I can’t let you do this.”
“It’s going to be a hell of a burden to carry!” I snapped. “You’re already half-killing yourself for John’s death. If Sam dies by your hand, I don’t know how much longer you could take that kind of thing.”
“What about Carter? Lily? Your mom? Xavier?” He frowned. “You carry the guilt of their deaths too, right?”
“Every damn day.” I nodded. “But you deserve to live a happier life than I do.”
“You don’t have to live that life! Beanie, you deserve much more than I do-”
“Dean!” I cried out, silencing him. “Why do you think so low of yourself? You are the bravest person I’ve ever met. You don’t hesitate to save the people you love. No matter how many times I yell at you, you always rush to my side when I’m hurt and don’t leave until you know I’m ok. You may be tough, but you’re also sweet and caring and charming. The one thing wrong about you is that you don’t know your own self-worth. But, somehow, I do.”
“Beanie-“
“I’ll do it. I’ll pull the trigger, Dean, and if the same happens to me, I’ll pull it on myself.”
“Iv-“
“That’s final.” He stayed silent, so I calmed down. “I’ll watch over Sam. You go milk more information outta this place. Maybe try Sherwin.”
“Ok.” He went to the door, but then stopped and turned around. “For what it’s worth, Beanie, I think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.”
Dean and Sam came back to my room, looking guilty, and I groaned. “You didn’t just go talk to Gramma Rose, did you?”
“We did.” Sam sighed. “And now we’re kicked out.”
“Well done.” I stood up, flicking through files. “Whatever I’m thinking, is that Rose is somewhat connected. I also know that the next closest person associated with selling the inn is Susan. So I’d wager she’s next.“
“Now what?” Dean asked.
“I’ll keep as close of an eye on her as well. But… uh… Maggie seems a bit off to me. Haven’t seen her, but I think she’s Tyler’s sister.”
“You do that.” He held up his hand. “Beer me.” I chucked him a beer, then looked out of the blinds. Susan was lugging boxes into a red car, but then I heard the EMF scanner whir, and I knew something was up.
“It’s happening. Go, go!” We ran out of the door, and we sprinted across the field to get to Susan just as the car started on its own. I managed to get there first just as the car almost rammed into Susan, taking her out of the way just in time. “Are you ok?”
“I think so.” She gulped.
“C’mon, let’s get her inside and fast.” Dean ordered. “Let’s go!” We walked Susan into the inn, where James was waiting for us.
“Whisky.”
“Sure.” Sam nodded, passing her a glass of whisky. “I know the feeling.”
“What the hell happened out there?”
“You want the truth?” Dean asked.
“Of course.”
“First we thought it was a hoodoo curse, now we’re sure it’s a spirit.” I explained.
“You’re insane.” She scoffed.
“Yeah, we get that often.” I laughed. “Also, Fred here isn’t my fiancé.”
“What?”
“Look, I'm sorry, Susan. We don't exactly have time to ease you into this, but we need to know when your mother had the stroke.”
“What does that have to do with any—”
“Just answer the question.” Sam persisted.
“About a month ago.”
“When the killings started happening.” Sam deduced.
“See?” I stared pointedly at Dean. “So what if Rose was working hoodoo, but not to hurt anyone. To protect them.”
“She was using the five spots to ward off the spirit.” Dean agreed.
“And then the stroke, so now she can’t.” Sam nodded.
“I don't believe this.” Susan whispered.
“Listen, sister, that car didn't try to run you down by itself, okay?” Dean stated. “I mean, I guess it did, technically, but, but the spirit can- forget it.”
“Look, believe what you want.” James spoke up. “But the fact is you and your family are in danger, all right? So you need to clear everybody out of here: your employees, your mother, your daughters, everyone.”
“I only have one daughter.” Susan frowned.
“I thought Maggie was Tyler’s sister.”
“Maggie’s imaginary.”
My blood ran cold, sharing a look with the boys. “Susan, where’s Tyler?”
“TYLER!” Susan screamed, and we ran up to the playroom, which was empty and littered with broken dolls. “Oh my god. Tyler.” She ran out of the room for a moment. “Tyler!” She came back. “She's not here!”
“Susan. Tell us what you know about Maggie.”
“I don’t know. Tyler’s been talking about her ever since Mom got sick.”
“Okay, did you ever know anyone by that name?” Sam asked.
“No…”
“Think, think, I mean, somebody that could have lived here.” Dean urged.
“Someone that might have passed away?” James added.
“Mom had a sister named Margaret.” Susan gasped. “But she barely talked about her. She died when they were kids.”
“How did she die?”
“She drowned in the pool.” I instantly started running to the pool, my head pounding as I made my way to the pool, the boys not far behind. There were three doors to the pool, and Susan and Dean took one, James and Sam another while I took the last. I picked up a garden chair, slamming it against the glass. Just then, Tyler screamed, falling into the pool. I slammed harder, while Dean, James and Sam tried their hardest to break the other doors. I could see Tyler’s attempts to fight become weaker, and then they stilled completely.
“Damn it!” I growled, then pulled out my gun and shot the door twice, cracking it. I busted it open with one ram of my shoulder, taking my jacket off and throwing my gun down as I ran to the pool and dived in, grabbing Tyler and pulling her to the surface, holding on tight as I swam to the edge, laying her down on the tiles. Dean, James, Sam and Susan ran in through the door I’d busted, while I turned Tyler to the side, waiting for a moment. Then Tyler coughed, spitting water out and making Susan cry out in relief.
“Thank god! Thank god, thank god.” She sobbed, running her fingers through Tyler’s hair.
“Mommy!” Tyler cried.
“I’m here, baby.”
“Tyler, do you see Maggie anywhere?” I asked.
“No, she’s gone.” Tyler answered.
“Let’s get you guys back to the inn.” Before we all stood up, however, Tyler hugged me tightly. I returned the hug, patting her on the back. “Hey, it’s ok.”
”You saved my daughter, Lily.” Susan said. “Saying ‘it’s ok’ is an understatement.”
“We should probably get away from the pool.” James chuckled.
“Don't worry, honey, we're leaving in two minutes, we've just got to get Grandma.” Susan soothed, and her and Tyler left to get Rose.
“I don't get it, did Maggie just stop?” I frowned.
“Seems like it.” Sam shrugged.
“Well,” Dean bristled, “where the hell did she go, then?” Just then, we heard Susan scream. We sprinted upstairs to find Grandma Rose dead, motionless with no mark on her body. I dialled an ambulance, while James brought Tyler and Susan away from the scene in time for the paramedics to arrive. When they did, Susan came back to us with the report.
“Paramedics say another stroke.” She whispered. “Do you think ... Margaret could have had something to do with it?”
“I don’t know.” Dean shrugged.
“We can’t be sure.” I sighed, “But it’s possible. I’m sorry, Susan.”
“You have nothing to apologise for. You've given me everything.” She smiled. Tyler came out, and she took her daughter’s hand. “Ready to go, kiddo?”
“Yeah.” Tyler nodded.
I knelt to Tyler’s height, tilting my head with a smile. “Now, Tyler, are you sure that Maggie’s gone?”
“I’m sure. I’d see her.”
“Alright.” She hugged me again, and when I stood up, Susan hugged me too.
“Any other thing I should know about you?” She asked.
“My name isn’t Lily Carter.”
“Then?”
“Ivonne Rainer.”
“Then your name,” She turned to James, “isn’t Fred, right?”
“Nope.” James grinned, running a hand through his hair. “Detective Sergeant James Rhodes at your service.”
“For what it’s worth, you two still make a cute couple.” She got into her taxi, driving off. Dad showed up, and the three boys slipped away. I turned to Dad, frowning.
“What do you want?” I grimaced.
“My daughter back.” He begged.
“That ship sunk a while ago.”
“You meant the world to me-“
”I know. But I was also your soldier, even more so when I grew up.”
”You were my daughter first.”
“You first taught me how to shoot when I was six.” I gritted my teeth. “Made my first explosive at eight. Killed my first spirit at nine. All while listening to your stories. You put me into martial arts so I could be more capable at hunting. Mom was a hunter, but at least she didn’t force me into it. She didn’t make me read the monster encyclopaedia and memorise every detail I could. She actually made me feel like I was a girl. You made me feel like a soldier. And you made Carter feel like he would never live up to my standard, which chipped at him every day.”
“Jellybean-“
“I’m not ungrateful for the preparation you gave me, but I’m not grateful for what came out of it.” I walked away, joining the boys in the car.
Sam joined Dean in the kitchen back at the safe house, where Dean was just staring at a bottle of beer with a weird expression. “What’re you doing?” Sam blinked, sitting down.
“Thinking.” Dean replied, looking up.
“Thinking about what?”
“It’s not important.”
“Humour me.” Sam persisted, and his brother conceded.
“When you were asleep cause you were wasted,” Dean gulped, “Beanie and I had an argument. She told me that I don’t know my own self worth.”
“Well, you don’t. What else did she say?”
”That I was the bravest person she knew.” He continued with a small smile. “That I’m tough, yeah, but I’m also sweet and caring. I’m not sweet… am I?”
“Oh. My. God.” Sam laughed, shaking his head. “You like her. You like Ivy.”
“Beanie?” Dean scoffed. “Pfft, no.”
“Yeah. You’re making practical heart eyes right now. In fact, you make them every time she opens her mouth.”
“No.”
“Dean, you’ve literally done it together.”
Dean blinked, confused. “No, we haven’t. Seems like you’re hopped up on somethin’.”
“Don’t tell me you don’t know.”
“Know what?”
“The night you both got wasted. In her safe house. Together. When you came back with the case, Ivy was somehow wearing your cologne. You know, the one Dad got you for your birthday?”
The realisation struck Dean, and his eyes widened. “Damn.”
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#dean winchester#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester x reader#dean x reader#dean winchester x oc#spn#spn masterlist#supernatural#dean winchester x you#supernatural oc
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jutuals get in here!
#i loved this so so much#highlights include:#the boys talking about the editing process#phoebe trying to tell the anecdote about when lucy sang her we’re in love for the first time without mentioning being high#julien quoting mary oliver#boygenius#julien baker#lucy dacus#phoebe bridgers
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I would love to know your thoughts about the German poem being seemingly corded around his body. Also has your interpretation of the panopticon usage changed at all given that the same set was used for the entire music video and he never left it?
First, I'd like to put side by side the poem and this text that from the very beginning hints at the message(s) in the album.
The first four lines in the Face text are mirroring Rilke's first stanza, like this:
I live my life in widening circles
That reach out across the world
Wave spreads beautifully,
Finding its own flow.
I think it shows being open and willing to experience whatever life brings on. The speaker, and in this particular case Jimin, is at the center of it. His existence is the one that creates the waves, the widening circles that can encompass a myriad of people, experiences. But, it comes with an important observation:
I may not complete this last one
But I will give myself to it.
Despite wounds and distortions
From a smallest scratch.
There a show of resilience here, of accepting that despite how much it can hurt, it's the only way to actually live. It's not an easy task. And that last circle doesn't need to be completed. Perhaps only in death, but until then, it's about the trajectory, of keep trying. Yes, he might get hurt along along the way but let's not forget the hint of optimism of the way in which the wave spreads beautifully. It's not a contradiction, but just the way life works.
I've been circling for thousands of years
And I still don't know: am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?
The face of unwavering effort
Despite repeated falls and pain.
One ends with a question, while the other one hints at choosing an answer. In Rilke's poem, it is left to the reader's choice to take away from it what one might be after questioning's life purpose. Or perhaps one key of interpretation is that we can be all of those three at different times in our lives, depending on the experiences we have when we let things in.
Jimin might be a beautiful song, but also the falcon. God here can be interpreted as a metaphor. The primordial tower. That can take a meaning depending on what the one thing or more in someone's life that stands at the center of their existence. We each have our own answer to that. For Jimin, it might be himself, "the face on unwavering effort". That's his answer.
The panopticon is not a physical place. That struggle and the reveal of inner demons happens inside, and the metaphorical liberation from the imprisonment takes place at the end. I think Jimin showed throughout the video that he's a falcon, a storm and a beautiful song and lastly, he chose himself.
I found a beautiful interpretation of the poem. I suggest reading it because it can actually help in understanding a lot more the concept of Set Me Free Pt. 2 and why it makes such good sense to have it connected to Jimin.
#bmt asks#jimin#jimin set me free pt 2#I'm not good at interpreting poetry so I apologize in advance
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You're in my head
I had plans for the weekend
But wound up with you instead
Back here again
Got me deep in my feelings
When i should be in your bed
You and i go back to like '09 it's like forever
And you were there my lonely nights, yeah, keeping me together
So wouldn't it make sense if I was yours and you could call me your baby
But we say we're just, say we're just
Friends
Just for now
Yeah but friends don't say words that
Make friends feel like more than just
Friends
Just for now
Now I'm over pretending
So let's put the "end" in friends
Friends
Just for now
Yeah but friends don't say words that
Make friends feel like more than just
Friends are not supposed to get too close
And feel emotions that we're feeling now, now, now
We ain't slowing down, down, down
But once we cross the line, there's no denying you and I can never turn around, round, round
Know we'll never be the same
You and I go back to like '09 it's like forever
And you were there my lonely nights, yeah, keeping me together
So wouldn't it make sense if I was yours and you could call me your baby
But we say we're just, say we're just
Friends
Just for now
Yeah but friends don't say words that
Make friends feel like more than just
Friends
Just for now
Now I'm over pretending
So let's put the "end" in friends
V 'FRI(END)S' Release
🎧 Listen now: https://ingrv.es/friends
Credits:
Director: Samuel Bradley
Production Company: Iconoclast TV
EP: Maeva Tenneroni, Jean Mougin, Guy Rolfe
Head of Production: Kate Sharpe
Producer: Martha Mcguirk
Directors Agent: Yoni Yosef
Casting: Road Casting
Casting Director: Coralie Rose
Casting Assist: Luis Torrecilla, Laura Meredith
Love Interest: Ruby Sear
Production Manager: Chanel Parkinson
Production Co-ord: Alice Hayes
Artist Liason: Jo Thompson
Cast Co-ord: Beth Rubery
Production Assistant: Callum Anderson
Production Runner: Mia Tessema
Intimacy Coordinator: Stella Moss
Movement Director: Yagamoto
Location Manager: Ryan Colaco
Location Assistant: Eser Savrin, Lois Constantinou
1st AD: Ben Gill
2nd AD: Gabriel O’Donohoe
3rd AD: Kitty Rajakulasingham, Aloha Kulieshova
Runner: Kai Rajakulasingham, Joe Heap, Danny Zanre, Anna Kovalevska, Grace Goodworth, Kwesi Mcleod, Darren Sintes, Tyson Douglas, Tiger Brewers
DOP: Jake Gabbay
A CAM Focus Puller: Rozemarijn Stokkel
A CAM 2nd AC: Ania Bahadrian
Trainee: Guillem Zamora
B CAM Operator Day 1: Juanjo Salazar
B CAM Operator Day 2: Jomar O’Meally
B CAM 1st AC - Alex Rawson
B CAM Trainee: Ollie Wesley
Camera Car: Davide Viera
Key Grip: Darren Quinn
Crane Tech: Henry Stone
Grip Trainee: James Quinn
Gaffer: Kieran Brown
Electrician: Shuan Clark, Ed Irvine, John Joe Besagni, Akeel Fleary, Cieran Nash, Amarjeet Singh, Laurent Arnaud
Master Rigger: Lee Doran
Rigger: Joe Parrott, Jamie Brindle, Ryan Ross, Alfie Berry, Scott Allen, Joe Knight
Video Playback: Liam Coles
Playback Assistant: Elvis Mcgovern
DIT: Lilly Palmer
Production Designer: Staci Lee Hindley
Art Director: Nia Samuel
Prop Master: Ezra Piers Mantell
Prop Buyer: Jessa Thorpe, Shopie-Mai Wigans
Art Assistant: Harry Beedle, Camilla Byles, Tom Hope, George Mein, Freya Wentworth, Alice Moles
Home Economist: Olivia Somary
Action Vehicle Driver (Car): Dan Chester
Action Vehicle Driver (Bus): Tom Burnage
SFX; Sean Harland
SFX Technician: Danny Matters
Stunt Coordinator: Jim Dowdall
Stylist: Justin Hamilton
Stylist Assistant: Samela Gjozi, Colleen Finnerty, Lorna Lane, Chris Atkins, Vania Monteiro, Katherine Somavia, Anna Menshykova, Mel Lyse
Hair Stylist: Simon Izard
Hair Assistant: Julie West, Aaron Dorn, Natasha Rose, Natasha Lawes
Makeup Assistant: Sophie Gia Moore, Marta Wozniak
Makeup Trainee: Rebecca Robinson
Medic: Alex Gardner, Richard Drakesford
Paramedic: Lynsey Shewring
Mini Winnego Driver: Phil Rainer
Honeywagon Driver: John Suttion
Production Sprinter: Jos Benschop
Minibus Driver: Rob Higgs, Gavin Baker, Granger Goodey, Dean Cumbers
Label Vehicle: Blerim Morina, Othman Abashikh, Peter Tarling, Steven Smith
Artist Trailer: Paul Haddock
Artist Wardrobe: David Czekalski
Honeywagon Driver: Martin Dean
Wardrobe Truck: Warren Smart
Hmu Truck: Wally Smart
Dining Bus: Andy Byrne
Location Security: Randal Berbick, Billy Bridger, Alan Laney, Kerri Mccann, Malakai Mars, Angelo Evangelou, Richard Johnson, Mathew Richards
Edit House: Assembly Rooms
Editor: Jack Williams
Edit Producer: Phoebe Armstrong-Beaver
Edit Assist: Bruna Manfredi, Tamara Ishida
Post Production: Cheat
Grade: Toby Tomkins
Post Producer: Joanna Dawson, Jen Saunders
Post Sound House: Soundtree Music
Sound Designer: Jack Patterson
Sound Producer: Neil Athale
BIGHIT MUSIC. Rights are reserved selectively in the video. Unauthorized reproduction is a violation of applicable laws. Manufactured by BIGHIT MUSIC, Seoul, Korea.
Connect with BTS:
https://ibighit.com/bts
/ bts_bighit
/ bts_twt
/ bangtan.official
/ bangtantv
/ bts.bighitofficial
/ bts_official_bighit
https://weverse.onelink.me/qt3S/94808190
https://www.weibo.com/BTSbighit
http://btsblog.ibighit.com
#V_FRIENDS #FRI_END_S #뷔 #V
#bts v#bts taehyung#bts v friends#bts friends to lovers#bts rm#bts jihope#bts jimin#bts jungkook#bts jin#bts suga#bts army#bts v mv#bts new#kpop kings
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One of my idea for AU. My English is bad and I used a translation program. Sorry for the clumsy translation.
🚀 Alternative "Attack on Titan": Robots, Tragedies and Mysteries 🚀
Meet a new chapter in the history of "Attack on Titan"! In this universe, Bertholdt is not just a character, but a complex robot created by an alien civilization. His mission is to study earthly technologies, but fate decreed otherwise...
🤖 Bertholdt: Robot with a Task 🤖
After an unsuccessful attempt at assimilation, Bertholdt remains on Earth. Its artificial intelligence tries to understand human emotions and everyday life, but its programming fails and it begins to exhibit unpredictable behavior.
🍻 Rainer: Hero with a Past 🍻
Reiner, a former warrior and hero, is now a drunkard trying to drown his memories of the tragic events. His life turned upside down, he seeks solace in a bottle until he meets Bertholdt, which begins their unusual friendship.
🏘️ Mysterious Neighbor: Key to Secrets🏘️
Their neighbor, a quiet and mysterious man, turns out to be a key figure in this story. He knows more than he lets on, and his past may be connected to Bertholdt's origins.
Join us as we uncover the secrets of this alternate universe, where every character has their own story and every plot twist promises new discoveries!
Warning! This story is rated 18+. I don't want to accidentally injure anyone.
#aot bertholdt#aot reiner#attack on titan#bertoldt hoover#reiner braun#shingeki no kyojin#bertholdt hoover
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i am so glad that its not just me who went "hans landa has some homofag shit going on"
because see you all know im constantly on that yaoi cocaine so i thought it was just me being average anime fan again but HANS LANDA FROM INGLORIOUS BASTERDS IS A HOMOSEXUAL! what tipped me off personally is the fact that the entire movie hes incredibly confident and suave and never stumbles in his speech. his actor is purposeful with what he does and the only time he stumbles is when hes doing his monologue to rainer to propose a deal and says the name "hermann". I hadnt heard his voice falter or stumble in the slightest for the entire movie it really stuck out to me. And whats more is when hermann is shot that is the only time in the entire movie that Landa expresses any degree of genuine shock and weakness. Now this can be written off as him realizing that Rainer is not making good on their deal, but the thing is that he says "I made a deal with you gentlemen for that mans life". It's a very strange thing to say, since I think that Landas selfishness and ability to turn a blind eye to others suffering by accepting things because theyre not happening to him it is a key component to his character. Landa is not the type of man who would say that he made a deal for another's life in this situation. if he was only shocked about the deal being broken, he would just say that theyre breaking the deal, but not say a line that suggests that he thinks that the deal was more for hermanns life than his own. A thing that my bro (LMV) pointed out also is that in the beginning Landa says that he knows what people can do once they abandon their dignity. This is of course meant to be taken by the farmer as him being very knowledgable with the places that Jewish people could be hiding, but in the context of him being gay this gets a greater meaning since it creates a double meaning where he also is admitting that he understands because hes a "rat" himself. Landas character is a whole 'nother enchilada, but to boil it down he is an incredibly selfish man. He's not a monster with no critical thought and only vile hatred towards Jews fueling his engines; hes a human and a monster by choice. I think that theres a common misconception that showing the humanity in a horrible person = symapthy for that person because to me I think it only makes them more terrible in my eyes. Landa is a human just like us and couldve done the right thing, but he still chose the wrong thing to do. He could've pulled a hugo and done all he could to kill the nazis around him or sacrifice his life to not be apart of the evil regime or literally anything except what he chose to do, which was undoubtedly the worst option possible; become fucking colonel nazi. when i watch a supernatural horror movie I often cant bring myself to fully hate the demon because it feels like hating a tornado. Yeah i hate it destroyed my house and im scared of it but i cant really hate it since what did I expect its a tornade it was born to do that lol it cant really do anything else. but Landa doesn't get this pass and recieves my full unadulterated hatred. He isnt a monster with no critical thought who was born with no other drive than to kill and slaughter, he's a man just like all of us who actively choses evil because he's selfish and vile. Yes, he has motives. yes, it wouldve been much harder to do the right thing. but at the end of the day he still chose the wrong thing to do. and to me that makes him so so much more incredibly sickening because he couldve done good, but he simply continues to choose evil everyday because thats easier and more advantageous to himself than doing whats right. And in essence it would be incredibly in character of him to be a "rat" who acts as a "hawk" because he was born in a hawks nest, might as well play the part and stay within it. He is mentioned as a womanizer a few times, but I personally believe that Landa would create this rumor himself to put away any and all suspicion of him being gay, since I think thats the natural first thing someone would do if they were gay and trying to hide it.
He's a master of manipulation and words, so of course he's going to be able to keep the rumor solid with no leaks.
I just think that Landa definately was homofag for Hermann and personally like the movie a lot more with that in mind. Because not only does it add more meaning to his words and give you even more insight into his motivations and ideas and character (especially with the thought that he knows how it feels to be hunted. so instead of helping those who are being hunted he becomes a hunter himself) but also it makes the ending so much more satisfying. because personally I agree with literally everything Rainer says like I dont care i think all nazis should die and be tortured with no mercy they chose this fate when they chose to be a nazi. They have motivations for why, but we all have motivations for why we do the things we do. the right thing is almost always harder to do than the wrong thing and the matter of fact is that they chose to be a nazi instead of anything else in the world so they deserve no mercy. ngl im so glad rainer carved the swatstika on Landas head because I was going to throw a fit if Landa deadass just got off scott free. And i think it's actually a fitting substitute punishment to death too since Landa has to spend the rest of his days with a permanent reminder to everyone that he's a horrible person and suffer the consequences that come with being a horrible person (everyone hates him and hopefully punches nazis everyday SO TRUE!!!!). And i think if hermann was his lover thatd make his punishment even better. Since he had to witness the love of his life be shot before him and live the rest of his life knowing that he caused his lovers demise. His plan caused the only person in the world he loved more than himself to be killed and scalped and he just has to live with that forever now. its sooo much better i think that kind of torture is soooooooooo deserved tbh to me itd be a fate worse than death because id look at my hands and think to myself "i did all of this to make sure wed live together. and i still failed. what was this all for?". its so fucking well deserved ITS SO RIGHTEOUS!!! EVERY HORRIBLE THING LANDA DID WAS FOR FUCKING NOTHING BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY HERMANN STILL DIED! HIS RANK AND ACOMPLISHMENTS AND SINS MEAN NOTHING BECAUSE IT DIDNT PROTECT HIM-- IF ANYTHING IT CAUSED HERMANN TO DIE FROM A FIREY BULLET OF JUSTICE! AAUAGWHWH YES..... YES....!!!! I LOVE WELL DESERVED TORTURE. EAT SHIT AND DIE LANDA LETS FUCKING GO!!!!!! okay i need to stop myself before i get a little too into it. but yeah i think landa deserves a fate worse than death and i believe hermann being his lover solidifies that he does get that (THANK GOD)
anyways guys i really liked inglorious basterds its even better with yaoi cocaine please have a whiff before you watch for the best experience 😍
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[My mother and my son]
* * * * *
From Childhood
The darkness in the room was like enormous riches;
there the child was sitting, wonderfully alone.
and when the mother entered, as if in a dream,
a glass quaked in the silent china closet.
She felt if, how the room was betraying her,
and kissed the child, saying, "Are you here?"
Then both looked toward the piano in fear,
for often the evening they would have a song
in which the child found himself strangely caught.
He sat stone still. His great gaze hung
upon her hand, which, totally bowed down by the ring,
walked over the white keys
as if plowing through deep drifts of snow.
Rainer Maria Rilke
[trans. by Robert Bly]
[The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart]
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Cuidado com Essa Puta Sagrada
D, I, 1971
Rainer Werner Fassbinder
7/10
Uma Cuba Livre Por Favor
Fassbinder termina este filme com uma citação de Thomas Mann que exprime o seu cansaço em representar a espécie humana, sem dela fazer parte. Esta bem poderia ser a chave para interpretar, não apenas este filme, mas quase toda a obra de Fassbinder.
Num mundo dividido entre a tirania capitalista e a hipocrisia socialista, não há um verdadeiro lugar para Fassbinder e a sua troupe, representativa de uma geração que que quer estar acima dos valores burgueses, mas não encontra alternativas, caindo no nihilismo e na depressão.
Em retrospectiva, podemos acreditar que o desconforto de Fassbinder provinha, em larga medida, da rejeição da homossexualidade, quer pelo moralismo fascista, quer pelo progressismo socialista. A liberdade sexual dos anos sessenta ainda não incluía a homossexualidade, e Fassbinder, usando uma terapia de choque nos seus filmes, foi um dos maie acérrimos críticos dessa revolução sexual hipócrita.
O filme conta a história de uma produção cinematográfica, que se vai fazendo desordenadamente, numa Sorrento pintada de Espanha franquista, como metáfora de uma sociedade e de uma revolução de mentalidades, que igualmente tardam em acontecer.
Entretanto bebem-se Cuba Libres, em homenagem à revolução.
Una Cuba Libre Por Favor
Fassbinder ends this film with a quote from Thomas Mann that expresses his tiredness in representing the human species, without being part of it. This could well be the key to interpreting not only this film, but almost all of Fassbinder's work.
In a world divided between capitalist tyranny and socialist hypocrisy, there is no real place for Fassbinder and his troupe, representative of a generation that wants to be above bourgeois values, but finds no alternatives, falling into nihilism and depression.
In retrospect, we can believe that Fassbinder's discomfort stemmed, in large part, from the rejection of homosexuality, whether by fascist moralism or socialist progressivism. The sexual freedom of the sixties did not yet include homosexuality, and Fassbinder, using shock therapy in his films, was one of the staunchest critics of this hypocritical sexual revolution.
The film tells the story of a film production, which takes place in a haphazard manner, in a Sorrento painted in Francoist Spain, as a metaphor for a society and a revolution of mentalities, which is also slow to happen.
Meanwhile, Cuba Libres are drunk, in honor of the revolution.
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what do you think happened to lina leskowitz? its generally accepted that shes the boss of garalina, but how is that possible if she disappeared at nine years old? not everything in petscop has a coherent explanation, but id like to hear your thoughts!!
hi its been awhile since someone asked me something about petscop wow
this is the question ive been asked the most probably. the way i see it the main thing that defines lina as Not Having Died In 1977 is the way belle refers to her here. Im assuming you already know that the button combinations that get translated to boss actually sound out "lina" and theres some sort of censorship or otherwise modification that rainer implemented to replace her name with "boss".
anyway, belles story makes it clear that lina acts as some sort of maternal figure for her and paul. up until this point most people believed lina had to have been dead, except for the vague and confusing note about her in 24, identifiable by her trademark epitaph.
I think therein lies the key. think about where we're getting this information from. rainer has a less than literal definition of death. a lot of petscop explores the concept of mourning someone who didn't literally die. rather, you're mourning the memory of someone who has since disappeared, or been replaced by someone else. not in a physical sense, but more an emotional one. see: toneth's pet description, the relationship between A B and NLM, and the way rainer refers to graves and graverobbing. i view all this more as digging up memories and information rather than digging up corpses.
Lina is dubiously visible, and you need to be in a certain state (shadow monster man) - or have a certain perspective (camera viewing the bench/window from the opposite side) - to see her. i think petscop represents changes in emotional states via things like this. care covering her eyes, being in a demo sequence versus a live playthrough versus a recording, marvin rotating the camera to write reverse messages and make the windmill "disappear". they're physical changes to represent emotional shifts. in rainer's eyes, trauma can make you a completely different person.
if you want some artistic analysis in terms of what i think its meant to represent, i feel like its reminiscent of feeling "seen" in the sense of shared experience or just understanding. if you watch the birthday segment in petscop 14 you will quickly realize that the family tends to be emotionally neglectful and dismissive. but also, let's not forget that rainer views an emotional shift as the previous version of the person going missing and the resulting version of the person as someone new entirely. it makes sense, then, that if lina experienced some sort of shift in 1977, rainer would label her as dead.
in summary, i think lina simply never actually died, but that isn't to say you should ignore what "1968-1977" means.
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Book Recommendations
Having accomplished my reading goal for the year a few hours shy of July, I stood up, stretched my limbs , gazed over the horizon and contemplated this feat which for some might be grand or small depending on perspective and experience. I had set out to read a hundred books for no particular reason other than to venture beyond the comforts of my literary habits.
In the course of the challenge, I read books that were inconsequential other than their placement of rank between one and the hundred of books, I would have read before the year's end.
Books that opened a string of connected doors that led me down rabbit holes of the wondrous nature of certain genres and book series. While others portaled open brief but exciting worlds whose wonder I wouldn't do justice if I tried to describe. Others conjured the feeling of a polyester and wool spun thread that is constantly scraping against teeth or furniture that is constantly dragged across uncovered floor.
Some were the intake of fresh breath after spending all day indoors, a well scratched itch in the middle of your back or taking a dump after holding it in all day. Some were familiar songs but sung a bit of key as if to draw in the heart but all they did was confuse the mind.
While I could not cover all the ways that the books made me feel, there was in them a feeling of getting a hundred handshakes. Each intricately different and unique but what I felt was a callouse here, a moist hand there, a firm grip, long fingers and huge hands that completely covered my hand or tiny ones that made me stop and stare.
Some of the books that I would recommend are :
1.On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong
2.Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
3.Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
4.A Woman is no Man by Etaf Rum
5.Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin
6.As a Man Thinketh by James Allen
7.Nearly all the Men in Lagos are Mad by Damilare Kuku
8.Frankenstein by Mary Shelly
9.A lady of Rooksgrave Manor by Kathryn Moon
10.Ikigai by Hector García and Fransesc Mirales
11.Love and other words by Christina Lauren
12.Heartstopper by Alice Oseman
Now I am embarking on another journey where the books are fewer but more likely to caress my soul. It's one of intention more than the numbers. The mystic in me wants to try 21 books in the hope that it will build a habit. But in all this, I am aware that, reading should be a fun chore like , washing the dishes while listening to music. The moment it starts to become a cumbersome chore, we should draw new strategies lest we fall out of love.
#reading#book reccs#book discussion#writing#on earth we're briefly gorgeous#giovannis room#A Woman Is No man#as a man thinketh#ikigai#heartstopper#A lady of Rooksgrave Manor#letters to a young poet#Nearly all of the men in lagos are mad#Frankenstein#man's search for meaning#love and other words#2022 books#reader insert
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we could be more | dean winchester | 14
Summary: Ivonne Rainer was practically a trained killing machine. Stripped to the bone then built back up by her father in order to become one of the best, like he was. She was forced into hunting when she was nineteen, having developed powers that couldn’t be explained. That is, until she was paid a visit by Azazel’s lackey. Her powers were gone, she needed help, and that’s when she found her father’s journal. Pointing to Sam and Dean Winchester.
SERIES MASTERLIST
IT’S HERE
ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : TEETH - 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER
I jogged down the stairs, spotting Dean already up and working out in my gym, so I leaned on the door, appreciating the view. Then he noticed me, so he put down his dumbbells and nodded. “Alright, Beanie?”
“More than alright.” I smirked, giving his a body a glance. “I mean, damn.”
“Wanna join me?” He chuckled, passing off the blatant comment. I walked in and over to what were my martial arts medals on the wall, staring at them. Huh. The more you know about someone. I turned to Dean, giving him a look that made his breath hitch in his throat.
“Nah, I think I’ll watch.” I refused, sitting on the windowsill. “C’mon, don’t let me disturb you.” He threw his towel over his shoulders, then walked up to me, frowning.
“What’s gotten into you, huh?” He asked, tilting his head. “You wake up late, come downstairs, start giving me that look-“
“What look?”
“That look that you give people when you give the impression that you wanna do it with them. It’s a look you give to every guy you flirt with for information. I know it well, Beanie.”
“Stop calling me Beanie.” I huffed, pulling him forward by his towel. His lips barely brushed against mine because of it, and I could see his jaw tick, eyes closing briefly. “Instead, call me yours.”
“Ivonne-“
“Shh.” I silenced, threading my fingers in his hair with a small smirk. “We’ve done it once before, right? Why not again? What’s holding you back?” He breathed in and out for a moment, then something seemed to flick a switch. His hands slipped under my shirt, pulling me in for a kiss and pulling me off the windowsill entirely, pinning me to the nearby wall. My hands gripped his shoulders, but then he took them both and pinned them above my head with one hand, dipping down to kiss my neck. I let out a breathy sigh, tilting my head to the side. He let me go for a moment, pulling my shirt over my head before he lifted me up, my legs wrapping around his waist before starting to kiss my neck again.
“Wait.” He came back up, frowning. “You’d kill me if you found out we both got laid that night. You’d kill me and then scrub yourself all over.”
“Times change.”
“Beanie doesn’t.” He pinned me harder to the wall, his face contorting as he pulled the towel off his shoulders. “You’re not her. Where is she?”
I clicked my tongue, sighing as I unhooked my legs. “Worth a shot.” I kicked him away, and he collided with the wall opposite. I punched him in the face, picking up Ivy’s dad’s old baseball bat and swinging it at him, hitting him straight in the temple and knocking him out.
“DEAN!” Sam yelled, his footsteps coming fast. “IVY!” I started fake crying, my hands trembling as he came into the room.
“Sam, he just started forcing himself on me, I…” Just when I thought Sam was about to hug me, he pushed me against the wall, scowling.
“Yeah, right. Who are you? Another shifter?” I rolled my eyes, then pushed him off me, hitting him in the stomach with the tip of the bat, then threw it down and grabbed the nape of his neck, slamming his head into the glass cabinet of medals, then the wall and knocking him out. I winced at the dent there and the broken cabinet, breathing out.
“Ivy’s not gonna like that. You can’t put a bandaid over broken plaster, either.” I picked up her leather jacket, examining it. “She has style, though.” I grabbed her satchel, and her safe house keys, pocketing them. “So long, Winchesters. I’d stick a knife in you, but, uh, I think I’ll wait for my prey to come to me first.” I left, slamming the door.
Sam woke up some time after, rolling over and taking out his phone, dialling someone. “Ellen, it’s Sam. I need your help, and as soon as possible. We’re at Ivy’s house.”
“So, she just lashed out at you both?” Ellen asked in surprise, handing Dean and Sam ice packs.
“Yeah. Out of the blue, after trying to kiss me.” Dean shrugged. “I figured out that something was up, though.”
“Then she knocked us both out and fled.” Sam added, holding the pack to his head.
“Ivvy would never do that.” Jo frowned.
“Well, she did, sweetheart.” Dean scoffed.
“Jo’s right, you idjit.” Bobby grimaced. “I know Ivy.”
“Wait, how?”
“I’m her uncle. Mom’s maiden name was Singer.” He retorted. “Anyway, I know that she wouldn’t just start rampaging like that. Somethin’s makin’ her do it.”
“Like a demon?” Ellen suggested. Then Carl wrote something down and passed it around.
“The dreamwalker.” Sam gasped. “Of course. It’s been after her for ages.”
“She’s been vulnerable ever since she gave her mom’s necklace away.” Dean nodded. “We need to track her down, find a way to get the ‘walker out of her.”
“It’s not gonna be easy.” Jo spoke up.
“And why not, blondie?”
“Cause Ivvy’s my best friend, and Bobby, Ellen, Carl and I know her best. She’s not hesitant with a gun already, but with that thing in her system, there’s no limits to how many dead bodies will follow. And they won’t be in a pattern, otherwise it’d be easy to find her.”
“She’d be a ghost in the wind.” Ellen whispered. “She’s as good at covering her tracks as she is at following someone’s.”
“So we need someone who’s equally as good.” Sam sighed.
Bobby furrowed his brow, then nodded. “I know a guy… or two.”
“It’s gotten to her?” Mick Rainer was sitting at a bar table, and he took a long sip of his beer once he realised. “She’s been taken over?”
“Yeah.” Dean nodded.
“We need your help, Michael.” Bobby grimaced. “Nobody can know her patterns like you do. And as for kiddo? He’s got a hell lot of connections and is a damn good hunter.”
“I’m all for it, but...” James slid in next to Michael, who was still speaking. “Ivy’s going to be incredibly hard to track. She can pull out Miss Boston, or go completely opposite and create a new identity. The one thing we can do is track a practical ghost, and she may come back .”
“But you need to help.” Jo begged. “Please. We don’t know how far gone she is, and we don’t want to kill her. None of us do.”
“We need to do this.” James turned to Michael, gritting his teeth. “It’s got her. Your daughter.”
Mike sighed. “She’s practically disowned me-“
“Hey!” Ellen slammed the table. “That’s your daughter out there, your only remaining blood relative. Your ‘jellybean’, Mick. What happened to that picture of her you always kept in your right pocket? Your endless tales of what your daughter was like? How you were so happy to have her by your side and to carry your legacy? So now she’s told you her truth and she needs her father more than ever but you don’t have the dignity to put your pride in the trash and go find her. Cause I guarantee you, Mick Rainer, if you suffered the same, she’d drop everything to save you, even after everything.”
“What would Audrey say?” Bobby persisted. “My sister would’ve wanted you to save her.”
Mick looked up at Bobby. “Don’t talk about Audrey to me-“
”I will if I damn want to. Before she was your wife, she was my sister.”
“If we all work together, we can find her before she does serious damage.” Sam pitched, then Ash came over.
“Too late for that.” He grimaced. “Man found in an empty parking lot of a bar in Jersey with a knife in his jugular. The assailant? Unidentified and disappeared from the scene.”
“That has to be her.”
”We’re going to Jersey, then.” Dean stood up, but James did too and stopped him.
“You’re just gonna go in with no plan?” James frowned.
“Well, yeah.”
“We’re dealing with a smart killer in a strong body. If we wanna find her, we need a game plan. Otherwise, we’re toast.”
”I have a plan.” Dean threw the keys to the Impala in the air and then caught them. “Find Beanie and save her.”
“No.” Mick stood up. “Whatever you think you know about my daughter? Drop it, because this is different. She’s now going off pure killer instinct, so we need to do the same to find her.”
I looked at the crime scene photo of the guy with the knife in his throat, chuckling. “Poor dude. I almost feel guilty. Almost.” I burnt it, then trudged up the steps, holding a sledgehammer. “I don’t think Audrey will mind too much, her being dead and all.” I lifted the sledgehammer, swinging and cracking Audrey’s grave. “That’s cathartic.”
”You’re sick.” Ivy spat from inside my head.
“I’m you.” I retorted. “And if you get caught, I’m not the one going to jail. It’s precious Ivy Rainer.” I continued demolishing her gravestone until it was nothing but crumbled pieces of rock, so I wrote a note and left it there. “That should do the trick.”
”You’re telling them where you are.” Ivy scoffed. “Rookie mistake.”
“That’s what I want you to think.” I smirked. “By that time, I’ll be long gone. Dust in the wind. And your body with me.”
“I was kind of hoping you’d forget about that part. Let me go.”
“No. Because you’re key to my revenge. Daddy dearest watching his daughter descend to insanity because of him will be the best torture before I carve his heart out. Again.”
“Don’t you DARE!” She tackled me, and my head banged against her thinking box wall. She climbed on top, punching my face over and over, hysterical. “Touch my dad and I KILL you, you hear?!”
“I’m so scared.” I smirked, pushing her off. “Look, you’re not getting out. No matter if pretty boy James or your Prince Charming Dean comes to save you.”
“I’ll find a way.”
“Keep dreaming.”
“You infested one of mine.”
“I’m not a parasite.”
“Oh, yeah? Then why d’you act like one?”
“Funny.” I cocked her gun, then walked up to her. “You’re not getting out of here, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, I got that.” She frowned. “But Dean’s gonna come for you. And Sam.”
“That’s what I’m counting on.”
“What?”
“When they come for you, and they will, I’ll be waiting.” I sized her up, chuckling. “And I’ll make sure they don’t see another day.”
“Both of them?”
“Both of them. In fact, all of them.” I started circling her, looking her up and down. “Whenever I possess someone, I get to use their thoughts, their feelings and their strength. You? A jackpot. Because you’ve run these possibilities through your head a million times, and you know that you’d be able to fight it off. Who’d come after you, and how they would do it. I know that the Winchester boys aren’t the only ones coming to save you. Ellen and Jo Harvelle will too. Bobby Singer, your uncle, will. James Rhodes will. And, lastly, Mick Rainer will, even though you’ve done a damn good job of destroying his opinion of himself. They’re all coming to rip me from you, and I will take pride in ripping them limb from limb. And the best part? You’re the one doing it. Imagine. Their last thoughts will be how they were killed in cold blood, just like how you killed Carter. Poetic.”
She was silent, then turned around. I realised, then stepped forward. “Sweet beans.” I let out a cackle, stepping forward. “They don’t know. You haven’t told them.”
“They don’t need to know.” She muttered.
“Oh, but they will.”
“Not if I kill you first.”
“You need the Colt for that. Or your powers, but where are they?”
“Another four!” Sam yelled, and everyone crowded around the computer. “All around the same area, creating some circle.”
“There’s barely a pattern here.” James frowned. “How the hell are we gonna know where she’s going?”
“We don’t.” Mick sighed. “We just can’t.”
“Out of everyone that thing could go after…”
“I think I have a way.” Jo spoke up, drawing everyone’s attention. “But Mom, you’re not gonna like it.”
“Joanne Beth Harvelle, I’m not letting you put yourself out there as bait.” Ellen refused.
“What other plan do we have?!”
“Not run into the clutches of a mass murderer?” Mick scoffed. “I know you’re desperate to save your best friend, but running to her ain’t the best idea.”
“Making ourselves bait is counting ourselves dead.” Sam agreed. “No matter how difficult it’ll be, we need to find a pattern.”
Dean’s phone rang, and he stared at the caller ID. “It’s… it’s her.”
“Pick up.” Ellen ordered.
Dean put the phone to his ear, his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously. “Yeah?”
I chuckled from the other end of the phone, walking down a high street in Missouri. “I hope you’ve recovered from the make out session. If it makes you feel any better, Ivy enjoyed it.”
’Let her go, you son of a-‘
“No, I don’t think I will.” I smirked. “Five people are dead because of her. I intend to make it ten. Your girlfriend has a lot of wigs and eye contacts, Winchester.”
‘Wh-‘
“The adult is talking, so let me finish.” I heard silence on the other end. “A’ight, I’m gonna give you two options. Either you come out to the warehouse in which Xavier Jackson died by midnight today, or you can be sent a video tape of your beloved blowing her brains out.”
‘You’re insane-‘
“I’ve heard, so just choose one.”
‘We’re coming to get her. But if you harm her, so help me, I will rip you limb from limb-‘
“To hurt me, you need to hurt her. And you can’t hurt her, right, Dean-o?”
‘I…’
“That’s what I thought.”
‘Beanie, if you’re in there, listen to me. You can fight it; I know you can. Think of Carter, of Sam, Jo, even. Please, just come back to me-‘ I felt Ivy struggling, so I cut the call, scoffing.
“As if he could reach you in there, Beanie.” I pocketed the phone, “I won’t let him.”
“DAMN IT!” Dean yelled, slamming the table.
“Dean!” Sam snapped. “We can break her free from this-“
“We were supposed to protect her from this, Sam.” He frowned, running a hand through his hair.
“You couldn’t protect her from that thing, Dean.” Ellen soothed.
“Nobody could.” Bobby sighed.
“I can.” Everyone turned to Mick. “That’s my daughter. I can get her out of it. Maybe, but I can try.”
“Sure, but you’re not doing it alone.” James folded his arms.
“Obviously not, but I want a shot. To fix all this mess. I dragged her into it.”
”Exactly why you shouldn’t.” Dean growled. “I’m going in there.”
”BEANIE!” Dean and Sam burst into the warehouse, and I gasped a sigh of relief, even though I was tied to a chair. The dreamwalker had taken a step back for the time being, but I knew it wouldn’t last long.
“Dean! Sam!” I cried out, sobbing as he and Sam rushed over. Sam started to untie me, but I shook my head. “No! No, the dreamwalker’s still in me, please, don’t untie me, don’t…”
“She’s in shock.” Sam whispered.
“No, I’m not in shock, I need you to listen to me.” I begged, then faced Dean, breathing heavily. “Dean, I need you to…”
“To what?” Dean asked, looking around furtively.
“To kill me. I need you to kill me.”
“No. Hell no. I’m not doing that.”
“You have to do it, Dean.” I urged. “If I die, it dies. Just shoot me before it comes back, please, just do it.”
“Beanie, no-“
“DO IT!” I screamed, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t kill it without my powers, but I can take it with me. Just please, give me this one thing.”
“N-Not this.”
“Dean.”
”I can’t.”
“Please-“
“I CAN’T, DAMN IT!” He held my face in his hands, blinking away tears. “You can’t ask me to do this. It’s n-not fair-“
“I know, but you need to.”
“We can find a way.” Sam gulped, checking my eyes every now and then to ensure that it was still me.
“There’s no way. It’ll keep coming for me, so do it, I swear to God.” Dean listened to my begging, pulling out his gun and shakily put it to my forehead, the cold metal kissing my hot skin. I breathed out shakily, accepting my fate as I heard the safety click off. I didn’t want to idle, but I knew it had to be done. I felt him pull the gun back a bit, but I pressed my forehead further to the muzzle, crying. Then I felt something switch. The dreamwalker took control, and I chuckled darkly, looking up at him.
“Go on. Shoot.” I challenged, tilting my head. Dean’s finger tightened on the trigger, but he was biting his lip to fight back tears while Sam looked to see if he’d actually do it. Sensing weakness, I scoffed, nudging the gun away with my head, and he let me. The gun was held loosely anyway.
“Cute.” I smirked, still laughing, but tears were falling down my face. “She asked you to kill her, but we both know you can’t.”
“Ivy, fight it.” Sam begged, holding my hand. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to regain control of myself, but I still heard that unfamiliar, evil chuckle. I opened them, gasping as I found clarity amid the black smoke that had clouded my head.
“Dean, shoot, please. Please-“ I screamed out in pain as the dreamwalker tried to take control again, the feeling like my brain was being twisted and drained. In a last ditch attempt to get it out, my eyes glowed and a stabbing sensation struck my forearm, the rune bleeding out as I used my powers to expel the dreamwalker. It was shrieking in pain too, before it became too much for both of us and it flew out of my head, the moment it left feeling like a 100kg weight was taken off my shoulders. Sam immediately ripped a strip off his shirt, wrapping it around the rune to stem the blood flow. I breathed heavily, my head lolling to the side before I blacked out completely, somebody catching me in their arms and hoisting me into them as my eyes closed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “Am I a burden, Winchester?”
He glanced at me with a look that I couldn’t really explain. His green eyes had a dark quality to them, his voice getting rougher by the minute. “Nah, you’re not. You’ve- you’ve been great.”
“T-Tell me m-more.”
“Well, y-you’re the b-best lady hunter I know. Probably gonna top most o’ the d-dudes I know. You always get S-Sammy and I o-outta fixes, I owe you for that. When y-you handle a gun… there’s this f-face that you make. You’ve got this… this… look in your eyes.”
“That looks stupid, right?” I giggled airily, sipping some whiskey.
“No, it’s… it’s goddamn sexy, that’s what it is. You’re goddamn sexy.” He downed the rest of his whiskey, him staring into my eyes with his pupils blown wide. My gaze flickered down to his lips, then I drank the rest of mine. “Beanie, I-“
“God damn it, Dean…” I whispered, grabbing his collar and pulling him in for a kiss. He pulled away, his hands cupping my cheeks. He took a breath, giving me the fifth once-over of the evening before something snapped inside him, and he hooked his hand under my knee, pulling me to straddle him before kissing me again. His hands were like they were everywhere but at one place at the same time, one arm looped around my waist while the other held my thigh, occasionally squeezing as if to remind himself where he was. He pulled back, eyes closed for a moment and out of breath as he leaned his forehead on mine.
I woke up with a jerk, panting. I was in my own bed, thank god. A proper bandage was around my arm now, and someone, probably Jo and Ellen, had undressed me so someone could patch up all the wounds I could’ve gotten, then put me in my pyjamas.
Sweet beans, that dream was vivid. And about Dean.
Dean? Hell, no.
Hell yes.
“‘Bout time you’re awake, ya idjit.” My eyes landed on someone at the doorway, and I grinned.
“Uncle Bobby?” I laughed, getting up.
“It’s me, lil’ raven.” I walked over, hugging him, but he let out a ‘whoa’. “You’re still recovering.”
“I feel great. Apart from the bleeding curse in my arm, that still stings a bit.”
“You’re a stubborn ass. Just like your mother.” He chuckled. “The boys were up all night in case you’d wake up. Now they’re passed out on the couch. Jo and Ellen are the ones who actually kept their word.” Then I got bear-hugged by Jo, Ellen trailing behind her and giving me a much more civilised hug.
“We’ve been worried sick, sweetheart.” Ellen whispered. “Dean said you begged him to kill you while that thing was still in her. He said he couldn’t.”
“And I’d have killed him if he did.” Jo added, looking me up and down. “Well, you look almost perfect. Apart from those scratches we bandaged.”
“No more crop tops for me.” I chuckled.
“Those don’t seem like they’ll scar, so yes, crop tops. I’ll stick to my tank top and mom jeans.”
“You pull them off, so I wouldn’t complain.” I looked down, then up with a pensive expression. “I wish I could say that what happened was a dream.”
“But you can’t.” Bobby nodded solemnly.
“Yeah.” I grabbed my gun off my dresser, cocking it. “Dreams suck, anyway.”
A/N - HEY GUYS! You got your first taster of Ivy when she’s controlled by the dreamwalker! Comment how you found her, and whether you’d like to see more!
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#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester fanfiction#dean x reader#dean winchester x oc#spn#spn masterlist#supernatural#dean winchester x you#supernatural oc
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Rainer Maria Rilke (AT, 1875 - 1926)
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Rilke’s first letter to his 19-year-old correspondent Franz Xaver Kappus, had laid out his core ideas about what it takes to be an artist. Building upon that foundation in the third letter, he echoes his contemporary Franz Kafka’s assertion that “patience is the master key to every situation” and considers the master key to the creative life [art or science]
Letters to a Young Poet, 1929
Rilke on the Lonely Patience of Creative Work - The Marginalian
https://www.themarginalian.org/2018/06/22/rilke-patience-solitude-art/?mc_cid=c1f7816d0e
#Rainer Maria Rilke#Rilke#life#letter#philosophy#reference#Franz Kafka#quotes#blogs#maria popova#Art#books
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4 and 13 pls
4. what are some themes you love writing about?
okay, honestly, it varies but (and i'm gonna sound like a psychopath, pls bear with me) I love writing about grief? it's something I'm weirdly fascinated by. also any kind of character development (does this count as a theme? idk) is key to me, a stagnant character is my worst nightmare. I also love anything with symbolism so unfortunately 98% of my fics feature either repeated ocean or sky similes it's a bit of a problem actually 🙃
13. who are your favorite writers?
uhm, so, if we're speaking actual, published authors, it would be Jane Austen, Donna Tartt, F. Scott Fitzgerald? Recent additions would also be Han Kang and fucking John Steinbeck, jesus. Poetry wise I would die for Richard Siken and W.H.Auden, plus honorable mention to my main German man Rainer Maria Rilke tho idk how well that translates lol...
if we're talking tumblr writers then i have to be really honest and say that I barely read anything on tumblr? I'm just very, very picky and I've been trying to get back into my actual novel reading game, so... but this is my recs tag where I reblog everything I read!
also special mention to @sunderlust @gretagerwigsmuse @oncasette and @ohcaptains who are all phenomenal writers I cannot recommend enough lol
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One day,
at the end of the nightmare of knowing,
may I emerge singing praise and jubilation to assenting Angels.
May I strike my heart's keys clearly, and may none fall
because of slack, uncertain, or fraying strings.
May the tears that stream down my face
make me more radiant: may my hidden weeping
blossom. How I will cherish you then, you grief-torn nights!
Had I only received you, inconsolable sisters,
on more abject knees, only buried myself with more abandon
in your loosened hair. How we waste our afflictions!
We study them, stare out beyond them into bleak continuance,
hoping to glimpse some end. Whereas they're really
our wintering foliage, our dark greens of meaning, one
of the seasons of the clandestine year—; not only
season—: they're site, settlement, shelter, soil, abode.
Rainer Maria Rilke, the tenth Duino Elegy, as translated by Edward Snow
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