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aesterblaster · 6 months

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Just saw a really clickbait-y youtube video that called Blue Lock fascist in its thumbnail and I will admit first and foremost that I didn't watch it and yes I've been informed that it isn't implying that Blue Lock is some fascistic propaganda but it still got me thinking so-

here's my rant/breakdown about the ways that Blue Lock is specifically anti-fascist

So first of all, popular animes and mangas having possibly fascist undertones is nothing new. I won't deny that there's a long history of Japan being a colonizer and commiting atrocities that are still brushed off or forgotten about to this day. And this does seep into some works that I personally choose to not engage with for exactly that reason. Miss me with trying to be an apologist for or glorifying real world war crimes- But Blue Lock specifically? I'd be extremely hard pressed to call it fascist.

Fascism is defined as an alt-right, ultra nationalistic political ideology usually characterized by a centralized autocracy, forced suppression of opposition, belief in a natural social hierarchy and subordination of individual interests for the believed good of the nation or race according to Wikipedia. First let's go through the ways Blue Lock does match up with that.

Ego can be easily viewed as a dictator near the beginning of the manga

Most characters thrive on putting others down for their faults and strictly believe that there is some sort of natural order where people who lack "ego" are at the bottom

There is a sort of central autocracy with the top 6

Near the beginning especially, there is a violent snuffing out of any ideology that dares oppose egocentrism or the idea that you need to be a solid team to win a game

Now let's go through the ways Blue Lock denies and even goes against Fascism.

BLLK's main goal is to make a Japanese soccer team that can win a World Cup. In a more fascist manga, we would see racism ga-fucking-lore. We can see this in animes that have more right wing leaning undertones like Attack on Titan where when race is brought in it's for conflict. There's no possibility of harmony, only winners and losers. Those protected and those put down and punished.

And Blue Lock does have an extreme focus on who wins and who loses. It is not afraid to include racism against Japanese people like with Adam or portray black people in unsettling and kind of racist ways like Dada's original design. But these elements don't automatically spell fascism. Blue Lock is careful to portray characters of color as just that, characters. They don't exist to tell you about their lives of hardship and struggle and they don't exist to justify Ego's obessesion with creating a good Japanese team. As you read BLLK, you'll notice that the artist has taken care to get better at drawing different body types and facial structures. The character design isn't trying to sell some perfect ideal like fascism so famously does, it tells you a peak athlete doesn't have one distinct look. It tells you characters from other countries are just as if not more capable than the Blue Lock boys. Hell, even Sae's hatred of Japanese football is portrayed as less of a betrayal of country and pride and more of a cultural clash. The issue to be solved in Sae's character is the way he looks down on his brother, not how much he despises Japanese football teams' tactics. We know this because Ego himself rails against them too.

A fascist manga would paint Sae as a villain for even learning from and joining teams from other countries, lending them his talent instead of keeping it in his home country. But Blue Lock encourages diversification and collaberation with other nation's teams so heavily that it is literally an entire like 5 part arc right now. Ego isn't ultra nationalistic, he just wants to make a better soccer team for his country and he isn't afraid of praising and adopting from other countries in the process. The biggest win to come out of a Blue Lock team wouldn't be that they're all Japanese but that they all follow his ideology.

Speaking of his ideology, Ego is extremely harsh and controlling, yes, but he also believes in the boys. He lets them do what they believe is best. He pushes them to their limits, not because they disobey him, but because they dissapoint him. A true fascist dictator would rule with fear with no introductions of other ideologies, he would strike at any sign of weakness or opposition. At the beginning, he does do this. But as the manga goes on we see how much wiggle room he's willing to allow. He lets Isagi curse at him and question his leadership, he lets Shidou play even though he's clearly queer and extremely volatile, he doesn't punish any of the boys for injuring each other. In a fascist society, you are expected to fit an ideal or be othered, be perfect and work together with a sense of comradere because that's the only way to prove your claims that you are the best race/nation. There can be no imperfections or cracks in the facade...But Ego lets the boys be messy. He never forces them to change who they are, only forces them to believe that they can do great things all on their own. Even with Kunigami, Wild Card wasn't a correction of his disbelief in some nation or race, but instead a correction of how limited his mindset was. In fact, in a more fascist society, Kunigami's love of playing hero and protecting his teammates would be praised and celebrated. Ego putting individuality and aspiration over the good of the team as a whole is literally a middle finger to fascism.

The villain of the series is literally a greedy Japanese man that wants to commercialize the team and make them less individualized. I don't know how much more anti-fascist you could get-

Also, Blue Lock handles disability very carefully and very well. In more alt-right ideologies than not, something you'll see again and again is this idea that disabled people don't deserve the same rights because they can't contribute to society. Disabled people are a stain to be pushed away and hidden because they contradict the central idea of a "perfect" nation. In a fascist retelling of BLLK, Chigiri would be kicked from the program, not given power and influence. In a fascist retelling of BLLK, Kenyu would be attacked and beaten as soon as it was discovered that he made it into the top-six with failing eyesight. Any physical disadvantage could easily put an athlete at the bottom of the social hierarchy as well, Blue Lock could have very very easily made fun of its disabled characters for even trying. It could get away with mistreating these players and be defended for it so fucking quickly. But instead, it lets you root for them and gives them just as much care and weight as the others. It's trying to tell you that being a good player sometimes means knowing your limits and getting help, not punishing yourself because you have some biological disadvantage. It also takes care to demonstrate that no race is inherently worse at soccer than the other.

And, of course, the elephant in the room, Noa and Kaiser. Okay...if you see German characters and immediately think OMG NAZIS??OMG FASCISM?????OMGGGG HE HAS BLONDE HAIR???AND BLUE EYES?? That's a fucking you problem and you clearly aren't reading the manga. Even Noa Noel being an older man and still being allowed to play and looked up to as the best is an example of how Blue Lock goes against steriotypes about athletes. Kaiser does have blonde hair and blue eyes yes, but he also wears eyeliner and eyeshadow and has a tattoo and dyed hair... None of that would be allowed in an actually fascist Japanese manga unless it was as caricature to make fun of and dominate. But instead, Kaiser is an actual threat who has complex arcs and behaviors. Also, Kaiser isn't fascist himself, he clearly views Isagi as an equal even though they're different nationalities and he doesn't believe in any one authority or greater cause except for himself. Noa is very strict yes, and he does rank and rate the boys, but he specifically doesn't factor race into it. He also, just like Ego, allows other ideas and patterns to emerge even if they mess up his own plans for matches. He doesn't suppress anyone and is actually extremely lax. If you think he or BLLK is "fascist", look at actual real world sports teams and their strict practices or past statements about other nationalities.

Isagi as a protaganist is anti-fascist too!!!! He's a Japanese everyman who has good Japanese parents, no disabilities, an honest personality and believes in a future where Japan wins the World Cup. In a fascist story, he'd be fucking untouchable (ESPECIALLY against characters from other countries) and all of this would be paraded as proof that a Japanese soccer team is clearly superior and all-dominating. But no! He gets beat down, questioned, disrespected and constantly shown up by others. He's not special and he's extremely self-centered. He doesn't water his own beliefs down for the "good of the nation" or whatever the fuck and he grew up idolizing foreign players. Isagi never supresses other people's ideologies, he just makes fun of them if they fuck up. He's never xenophobic, even when other characters have moments that have xenophobic undertoens like Adam or Sae's comments. Isagi Yoichi's character could have a few traits flipped and be a poster boy for some alt-right manga about how superior Japanese people or hell, Ego's pupils are. But he doesn't. He's simply designed and he's rude and he looks down on people, but he also apologizes, humbly accepts when he can improve by questioning his own ideals and is open to talking with everyone he comes across.

Calling Blue Lock a "fascist soccer manga" is not only demonstrating that you have no idea what fascism is, but also disgustingly painting over all the beautiful themes and messages within the manga.

Again I'm aware that that original video wasn't aiming to negate any of these points but I have seen people make claims and jokes before that about Blue Lock's more *beat it into your head* tendencies with ideology. And I've seen jokes specifically about the German team/the way Sae seems to just hate Japanese culture. I just dislike the painting of Blue Lock as a jumping point for discussions about fascism and its effects because of the way it handles themes like cross cultural connection, family pressures, capitalism and disability so carefully.

#blue lock manga #bllk #blue lock #plot analysis #JUST HAD TO GET THIS OUT THERE #and yes i have blocked people for kaiser nazi memes so don't fucking make any . he literally wears eyeliner and has a homoerotic obsession #with an asian guy. the nazis would hate his ass #character analysis #character examination #bluelock #bllk manga #bllk anime #bluelock anime #anyway i detest everyone who acts like blue lock having some extremely strict rules etc = it being ultra right wing #there's horror in it for sure but not that way #in fact it takes EXTRA EXTRA care so that it wont be taken that way #like you clearly dont actually take japans history seriously to try and paint BLLK as nationalistic #There are so many better examples..stop eroding peoples media literacy #And i DO NOT want people to start reading blue lock bc they think its fascist or they think it has controversial shit in it. like ew.

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thatoneluckybee · 5 months

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inaccurately assigning the sbg kids marina songs

Yes, I KNOW these are NOT the actual meanings of the music, nor are they even that accurate. But I am being self indulgent here and you can't stop me (:

Ashlyn Banner

Solitaire: A major part of her character is learning how to balance her introverted nature with opening up to others. I like how she isn't shamed for being a private person, though, just encouraged to give others a chance, so I'm giving her the song about that.

Oh No!: Ashlyn is a very confident person as far as we've seen (though there are still some insecurities she has to work through) who isn't going to change her entire self for some random kid. Oh No! fits that kinda in that Ashlyn has flaws, but she is aware of them and she decides what's worth trying to change.

Aiden Clark:

Too Afraid: Aiden. Buddy. CHILD. He is incredibly extroverted, outgoing, social, and tends to take up the spotlight wherever he goes. This isn't a bad thing in its own light, however we've seen that it's largely become a coping mechanism for him. This kid's mind is or at the very least WAS in a very dark place before, and it's being repressed largely (at least, that's what it seems like.)

Primadonna: Like the exact same thing as above. Takes up the spotlight because the minute you stop off the stage, what's left?

Ben Clark:

I Am Not a Robot: Ben is a very stoic-seeming character. We've gotten to know him and he's a gentle, kind-hearted, nervous, and sweet person, albeit one with astoundingly destructive and angry tendencies. A bit part of his character, to me, has been seeing him balance not allowing his rage to run away with him but also not bottling up until it overflows. He is NOT a robot.

Valley of The Dolls: Yeah this song's about a book I've never read so uhhhhh ANYWAYS. Ben's past self was ANGRY. He was hurt and upset. No matter how many people he fought, or how much it hurt, he couldn't feel better, if anything at all. There was an emptiness he couldn't heal. Maybe it's still there. But he's healing.

Logan Fields:

Karma: I think this song could fit his relationship with his bully (Baron or Barron? Can't remember how to spell it), especially in the arcade fight scene (LOVED IT). Baron has been getting away with horrific acts simply because nobody knew, but now that it's come to light, now that Logan is stronger, now that he has people in his corner, karma's coming.

The Family Jewels: I'm concerned about Logan's home life, honestly. We don't know (as far as I'm aware) why he lives with his grandparents. Did something happen to his parents? Is he an orphan? Is he not with them for another reason? Also, what's going on with his grandparents? Is it because they're florists that they have access to painkillers and sedative type drugs, or another reason?

Taylor Hernández:

Orange Trees: I don't even know. I just really like the song. And I really like Taylor. And i think she would vibe to it. Taylor has a really fun personality and I think this fits her.

Can't Pin Me Down: On a more serious note, oftentimes Taylor (by both characters and the fandom, myself included) is unfortunately reduced to "aww happygolucky bestgirl!" Especially after Tyler's tragedy, we've gotten to see a new side of her: fierce loyalty and pure anger that stems from her kindness. She's going off the rails and I LOVE this for her, but I can only hope she doesn't lash at out the wrong people.

Tyler Hernández:

Are You Satisfied?: Giving him one of my ALL TIME favorite songs! Since the death of their father, Tyler has been caring for both his mother and sister and keeping the household afloat effectively. Through this, my dude doesn't seem to know what it means to take a break. He needs one.

Highly Emotional People: Furthermore on that note, I can see Taylor saying these lyrics to her twin brother. Tyler has gotten to used to being the caregiver at such a young age he doesn't seem sure how to be cared FOR. My dude is repressing and lashing out and everything in a very unhealthy way. If anything good comes out of the tree kebab, it's forcing him to accept outside help and let others take on some burdens. We're highly emotional people, and everyone deserves to show that.

Anyways I didn't expect this to take so long to type :^

#Rambles #taylor hernández #Taylor hernandez #tyler hernandez #tyler hernández #ben clark #logan fields #aiden clark #ashlyn banner #marina #marina and the diamonds #bee is self indulgent today :3 #Sbg #school bus graveyard

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bettsfic · 9 months

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so i watched a movie called Half Nelson last night, for which Ryan Gosling was nominated for an Oscar in 2006. it's about a middle school teacher struggling with a drug addiction who forms a deeply inappropriate relationship friendship with one of his students after she catches him using.

i have no pertinent craft thoughts about this film (you can read my Ryan Gosling Summer craft essays in this month's newsletter) but my notes for this particular movie became as unhinged as the movie itself, and i thought i'd share them.

because my handwriting is mostly illegible, i've provided a translation and context below each note.

Jesse Pinkman vibes

Calculator watch!

Dan (Gosling) is basically a proto Jesse Pinkman in this movie. and he wears a calculator watch. it's worth noting that during the sex scene later, there is an inordinate amount of attention placed on said watch, and i honestly can't tell if that's supposed to be funny or not.

Gets high, goes to a bar, starts lecturing girls about pedagogy

this is the only part of the movie where i liked Dan, because i too lecture on pedagogy when i'm high.

Broken Social Scene ass soundtrack

just found out that Broken Social Scene did in fact score the film.

"I cleaned up," he says before railing a line of cocaine

no context needed.

"Are you a communist?"

"It's just not cool to be a Nazi anymore, baby."

HE IS GRINDING AGAINST HER AT A DANCE?

I trust Anthony Mackie way more than this fucker

Bloody nose in class

Dead cat?

This is so hard to watch.

i don't know how to provide context for this. i had such profound secondhand embarrassment that i could barely keep watching. the succession of events goes something like: Dan has sex with a woman who asks him the next morning if he's a communist. they have a conversation about politics. we skip to a middle school dance/mixer where Dan dances very inappropriately with the 13 year old he's "befriended," Drey. by this point the movie makes it very clear that their relationship is inappropriate. Dan gets high behind the school building and offers to give Drey a ride home, but she goes with Frank (Anthony Mackie) who is a drug dealer but a way better guy than Dan, even though he's trying to get her to sell drugs for him. Frank is trying to save Drey from Dan; Dan is trying to save Drey from Frank. the next day, Dan gets a nosebleed in class and later comes home to find his cat dead? for some reason? i don't know. it's all so painful.

[a graph of Ryan Gosling's characters, with bad to good as the X-axis and likable to unlikable as the Y-axis. Dan Dunne, the character in this movie, is in the "good, unlikable" quadrant.]

to pass the time i created this handy little chart, which puts Ken (Barbie) and Lars (Lars and the Real Girl) in the likable/good quadrant, with K (Blade Runner 2049) and Noah (The Notebook) slightly below them, Sierra Six (The Gray Man) and Dean (Blue Valentine) in the likable/bad quadrant, Jacob Palmer (Crazy Stupid Love) in the bad/unlikable quadrant (sorry i know i have followers who love this movie but womanizing just really pisses me off, even though he does grow as a character by the end), and Dan Dunne (Half Nelson) in the good/unlikable quadrant, even though i kind of changed my mind by the end of the movie.

i forgot Handsome Luke (Place Beyond the Pines) and the driver (Drive), but i think they'd both be close to the center but in the bad/likable quadrant.

For all this movie's faults, burnout drug addict middle school teacher Ryan Gosling pouring an entire pot of coffee into a thermos is a LOOK.

this scene had very little context and i have none to add.

[Ryan Gosling movie] checklist

shirtless

mommy issues

misunderstood loner

falls for cute blonde girl (CBG)

good guy made to do bad things

inappropriate relationship

still bored, i made a checklist. Ryan Gosling's characters are always at least three of these, with "shirtless" and "mommy issues" prevailing. also "cute blonde girl" isn't a description as much as a flat character type that fascinates me.

HE BUYS FROM HER WTF WTF WTF

okay during what i found to be a both boring and torturous film, a scene happens that made me go "oh, i get why he was nominated for an Oscar for this." Frank has gotten Drey to start selling for him, and she goes to a motel to drop off, where she finds two sex workers, some random guy, and her history teacher, Dan. this is the third time she's caught him using but he's always kind of guilty and apologetic about it, and my interpretation is that a lot of their "friendship" has to do with him trying to earn back her admiration. but this time, he's on the bathroom floor and he just gives her this look, the patented Ryan Gosling "i'm in love with you" look which is probably why he's the romantic lead in so many things, and hands her a wad of cash. and it's so wildly fucked up to see that look used in this context, weaponized, because it's not to her, it's to the baggie she's holding.

the whole movie is very much a critical commentary on white savior narratives. i have no idea if it's a successful commentary, or even if it's a good movie, but i can safely say i've never seen anything like it. i don't think it's aged well, overall i don't think it's Gosling's best performance even though many people believe it is, and i absolutely don't recommend it.

#half nelson #ryan gosling summer

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kyrodo · 3 months

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Touchy topic this time. I still don't have an AD so yeah. This isn't a social sharing kind of thing for me but I also like putting everything out in the open anyway if not in a place people wouldn't normally look.

Major turn offs for me besides disliked kinks when it comes to the pr0ns (like scat, watersports, daiper, ironically pacifiers, egg laying, etc) is early pull out, cumming anywhere but inside (except when being railed), condom internals unless broken, among other things. It is unfortunately quite popular for some reason for artists and pr0n stars to show their thing out while they're popping, which might as well be no different than jacking off by yourself. There's no point to any of it at that point you might as well have just masturbated on camera and called it a day of you were going to pull out or paint.

My kink is the orgasm itself, right I want it to feel as good as conceivably possible while doing so,, and the more the person popping or the person being popped in feels the better. That's why I enjoy things like cum inflation or excessive cum everywhere and the person being penetrated shooting ridiculously far, and the act itself having a lot of pre or being lubricated by past orgasms. Because when I am actually jacking off, the mind pounding ones tend to be when I shoot the furthest, when my mind goes hazy and my eyes have trouble reading or focusing on anything and my head droops a few times because of how hard I blew. Usually when I spend more time than normal making sure I found the material I want to get off to and it's new or relatively new content that's better than average, or when there's enough pre that I can feel everything clearly.

So I want to imagine the most satisfying orgasm possible, and multiple times is also a huge turn on. If they've been going all night or pop a lot im short succession that means it's really good and the people are really into it. Anything that denied that or makes the experience less satisfying or weaker like pulling out or preventing cum from going in where it wants is a turn off. Size difference I enjoy because the person being railed is going to feel more of it, even moreso if it's almost the same size as them and it's bottoming out. Big balls of course especially if there's sogns of it moving in reaction to an orgasm. And when there's fellatio which I definitely enjoy more feeling it than looking at it in most cases, I want to see the one blowing it pressing their tongue against the understand and appearing completely entranced or slutty while doing so.

Impreg I enjoy and even mpreg mostly because of the idea that a guy got cum logged enough that they got pregnant anyway. Preggers not because of the idea of having children but the idea that the sex was very successful or that it's proof that the person had a good orgasm. Also when there's internal of the womb completely filled and there's cum pooling down behind the person popped inside that pretty much does it for me.

Knots I really enjoy not only because I've played with toys and found the feeling of it going in really good, and it often goes in right before someone blows, but because being stuck like that means both people guaranteed will still be feeling each other for a good while, especially if the knotter is continuously blowing. I want to imagine how it feels.

And besides forbidden situations which I won't go into detail again, what it really boils down to is that. How satisfying was the experience. No matter how good you feel during an act it is always a let down if the final moment doesn't reach it's peak or doesn't feel as good as it could have. And that is the main idea behind what I enjoy most when it comes to horny art. That is my "kink". Orgasm denial I don't mind so much as long as it is temporary and a promise of a big blow out later within the same session, cause I do find if I hold it in it ups the pressure when I do finally get off and I shoot further and get close to blacking out or get dizzy doing so. That is my very yes.

And I do have a bit of voyeur in me so when I know someone else is getting off and it's because me I also find that very hot. And most art of maws especially if there are bits on the micro rubbing against the huge tongue, that I can find pretty hot too. Abdominal bulge, if I can see the shape of the dong inside then I find that hot too because it's proof the person taking it probably feels a lot. And logically it'd probably hurt if that were the case but pr0n is not always about how it'd feel in reality. Cervical pen I enjoy because of how far reaching the person pushing it in is pressing, and popping directly into the womb I also find extremely hot. Again reality plays no part here.

I see all of this as vanilla kinks because they aren't "weird", it is very easy to understand why it is appealing. But vanilla implies that it is very boring. I don't have an easy button people can press by word of mouth or by feet or blow kisses or maws. So it can be very difficult to get me off sometimes, especially since when I'm holding back an orgasm or trying not to hold back an orgasm, in both cases if the lead up doesn't go anywhere special enough for me to let go, then I probably won't. Everything is so reliant on the sensation and the sensation gets old or I popped too many times from masturbating that I can't get off while in the presence of someone else.

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viking369 · 10 months

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OK, It's Officially Time to Bag...

...Metatron on YouTube (real name Raffaello Urbani). While he has some interesting materials (His takedown of conspiracy theorist Donna Dickens is quite amusing.), he has also always been...problematic (His YouTube site was demonetized awhile back, but he has since gotten absolution, which is no surprise since YouTube, like most of Social Media World, is funded and owned by fascists.). But after watching his recent posting "Your Idea of the Past is WRONG", I'm done.

The core theme of the piece is absolutely correct: If your view of Ancient Rome and Greece is stark white buildings and statues, you need a different view because they painted and decorated just about everything. Not new ground for those of us who study such things, but informative for a general audience. But he goes off the rails when he starts criticizing people who supposedly claim white supremacy is the reason we think all the buildings and statues are white. Now, there are probably some misguided and misinformed idiots on our side of the aisle who are saying this. And they're wrong. Western Civilization's taste for white sculptures and buildings arose in the 15th Century Italian Renaissance, and white supremacy just hadn't gelled yet (Ethnic supremacy? Definitely. The Mediterranean cultures viewed my far paler ancestors to the north as inferior, and not without justification. We hadn't accomplished much yet.).

But that doesn't mean a horde of people who ought to know better are making this argument. Mr. Urbani is straw-manning. And when he takes on the Metropolitan Museum of Art, he proves it. He claims the MMA says the modern movement of white supremacy caused the misinterpretation about ancient art and architecture. Which would be wrong if it were true. But it isn't. If you bother to read the MMA materials, which I have, you'll see they actually say modern white supremacists are trying to use white sculpture and architecture to show the ancient Romans and Greeks were white supremacists too. In effect white supremacists are arguing their position is an ancient philosophy and therefore yet another peculiar institution that must be preserved as part of our white heritage. Which of course is bullshit. And it means that what the MMA is actually saying is about 180 degrees from what Mr. Urbani is claiming they are saying.

So arrivederci, Mr. Urbani. And you really ought to go home and do whatever else it is you do. Probably voting for Mussolini's grand-daughter.

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humbleboar · 1 year

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lord help me i'm back on my bullshit

disclaimer: all graphs should be taken w a grain of salt bc this was kind of a slipshod project. season one especially, since i didn't have my system quite down yet. it's possible some dialogue tags got in. it's possible some actions got in. it's possible other people's dialogue got in. it's possible i accidentally omitted instances of name calling. some episodes (looking at you, 21-23, 32) had so much going on that i wanted to cry. this was just a silly thing to answer the question: just how much does john say arthur's name? (the answer: john should maybe calm down a little)

so i got curious alright. i was writing and was like damn i think we are saying arthur's name waaaaaay too much here. turns out, nope, even if u think ur john is saying it too much, u can probably pepper in a few more and still be safe!

collected a bit of data on arthur and yellow's dynamic bc i wanted to see how it would compare to season 1 arthur/john. deeply funny to me that arthur (generally) says john's name more than he says yellow's and john isn't even there. yellow, despite his hostility towards arthur, follows in john's metaphorical footsteps of having no chill.

some notable peaks in john's use of "arthur": episode 4, where arthur makes an ill-informed decision, becomes shackled by the chains of social niceties, and gets stabbed for it. episode 26, where arthur goes off the rails. and episode 28, where arthur gets stabbed again and john spends the rest of it being a mother hen.

notable peaks in arthur's use of "john": episode 8, where he gets so incredibly pissed with john. episode 12, where he does quite a bit of pleading and appealing to john's humanity (aka his chosen name). episodes 23 and 24, where he tells yellow about their time in the pit, and his joy when getting john back. episode 28, where he gives john some epithets john really fucking hates.

this actually ended up being more interesting than i anticipated! i didn't realize that arthur uses john's name, like, a normal amount. maybe a bit more than people generally say each other's names in casual conversation, but it seemed most often he'd use john's name when he was concerned/trying to get his attention. it makes sense, since arthur has to (occasionally) consider the fact that other people around him are not (typically) aware john exists. the uptick in season 3 makes me laugh because. yeah. he misses him.

it's also interesting to note that john's use of arthur's name seems to be declining (seems to, because season 3 had some extenuating circumstances (read: he was not there for the first third, despite a few guest appearances), and season 4 is still in early stages, with an ep where he was excluded from the fun (for those that are curious, scratch/the whole dream sequence says "arthur" ~70x)). it's kind of a fun character quirk that he says arthur's name so much like dude who else do u think ur talking to!! but, also, supposedly saying someone's name a lot is flirtinggggggg--but i also feel like i've heard it's a way to get ppl to like you more and establish trust? idk.

anyway thx for clicking my readmore i doubt anyone but me finds this interesting lol

#life and times #sometimes u just need to make some graphs okay #kind of i think it would be funny to chart out each episode's fucks but i think that would be too much work even for me #oh peak for john saying arthur is ~84x in e4. peak for arthur saying john is ~23x in e28. crazy kids.#long post #ohhhh the. the fucking chart borders. it's fine it won't bother me (lying)

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heuristicallyinclined · 3 years

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Of Disks Lost and Cullings Interrupted

5.1k | Rating T for referenced gore and language

Summary: An unfortunate encounter somehow manages to not go quite as bad as it should have.

This is one of the self-indulgent drabbles I wrote last year for me and @theartisticapparition’s fantrolls meeting for the first time and how much of an absolute mess it would be. Enjoy.

It has three fucking months since you ordered that hexagonal disk and you still don't have a shipping notification for it.

You stare at the screen of your palm husk. It’s a single point of brightness in the store room you slipped off to while some other ship was docking. For supplies or inspection, you don’t know and you don’t care. All you care about it the fact that no one is going to notice a single rusty slipping away for all of two minutes to fuck around on a personal device and see if maybe something went to spam. Which you are looking at now. And apparently set to delete messages after thirty nights, so if it did go to spam, it was long gone now.

“Sh!t,” you quietly exhale.

It’s objectively not even a good movie, just something dumb and cheesy that you can use to break up an evening. But it's no longer even about that. You just want the garbage that you ordered because you fucking ordered it and paid for it using some of your very limited funds. Grunt work means grunt pay and you have to at least be olive to even be allowed to complain in the first place, so your bronze ass just isn't going to cut it.

It doesn't make sense for you to not have gotten anything. Like at least a, "sorry king, your package is delayed," thing should have happened. You work in this shit, you receive and ship and log and deliver until your pan feels numb and it’s just your body moving through the motions. You have been mentally trying to work out how to even fuck up bad enough that this kind of delay would even happen because even for a rusty, who expects very little, this is still a bit much. You’re drawing a complete blank.

The movement of a shadow catches your eye, snapping you out of your thoughts. It slowly shortens from its exaggerated length to a more proportional one as the figure draws closer, straight towards you. You don’t recognize the silhouette’s lean frame, horns or hair which seemingly fanned out to symmetrical points. You definitely didn’t hear them enter or move through the storage bay.

Swallowing, you turn.

You see his color before you notice anything else about him. Your blood runs cold as you immediately straighten to attention.

Violet.

Seeing sea dwellers through screens and on posters did not prepare you for the real thing. You had never seen one in person before and definitely had never had one slowly making his way closer to you. Everything about him was sharp. His fins, his claws, his teeth, they all came to a clearly defined point. His grin was especially sharp. Almost sharp enough to distract you from whatever the hell his spear thingy that he casually held over his shoulder like it weighed nothing was.

“S!r.” You address him, bowing your head slightly. “!s there anyth!ng ! can do for you?”

His smile widens when you acknowledge him. His golden bracelets jingle lightly against each other as he brings a hand to his chin, seeming to genuinely consider your question.

Oh goddamn it. This is going to take longer than two minutes.

“) is there anyfin you can do for me? (,” he repeats coolly. He pensively looks off to the side as he continues to move towards you. ") oh I don't know. i just wanted to sea what was back here ("

He walks just behind you and you stiffen. You can feel his eyes lingering on you.

"!t's mostly crates here s!r. Noth!ng too !nterest!ng"

Faster than you can register it, the hand not gripping his weapon quickly grabs your shoulder, turning you to face him. The points of his manicured claws dig into you. You keep your balance as best you can, but stumble a bit.

”) now, now. you're here too (,” he smiles at you cloyingly.

And just like that, he corrects your stance, getting way too into your personal space in the process. His grin remains shallow and doesn’t meet his eyes. It just isn't warm enough to distract from how cold his touch leaves you and in that moment, you have a realization.

So, you’re probably fucked.

He holds you for longer than is comfortable in what you’re guessing is a touchy little power play, before continuing to move past you, looking up and down the racks that surrounded you two. They were nearly as high as the ceilings and he was doing a pretty decent job of acting like he actually gives a shit about what's on the shelves. He moves by each of them methodically, occasionally picking something up like he was shopping before putting each back neatly into its place.

At least the crew coming in after to replace you isn’t going to have to reorganize anything after washing you off of the walls.

He keeps going and you know he doesn’t genuinely care about whatever soaps and meal packets are back here. You don’t either, not really. He isn't even going through the whole store room, just the area around you. It is almost like he i-.

Oh.

He’s circling you.

Is this a fish joke? You feel like this is a fish joke he’s making for himself. Or is he just adding another layer to his touchy murder dude bit?

His voice snaps you out of your thoughts before you can really try to work out what his angle on this is. You really hope he didn’t notice you starting to zone out there for a bit.

“) it all just seems rather dull (,” he draws listlessly.

“Wh!ch part?”

He glances back at you. His smile begins to falter.

“Wh!ch part s!r?” You correct quickly.

He chuckles and turns his body to face you.

“) the whole thing (” He gestures away from himself, at your general surroundings. “) i mean here you are, trapped on a run down ship, doing menial tasks for the rest of your unfortunate life. truly, i don’t know how you can stand to be here. i mean, I’d rather die than work in a place like this (,” he looks at you intensely, his pupils seemed much more narrow now that they were completely focused on you. “) what about you? (”

Ah. Yeah. You see what he did there, but he isn’t exactly providing you with any revelations about your life and you don’t exactly think boredom is what’s going to cull you.

“! see !t more l!ke a flavor d!sk.”

Your response stops him and he looks at you strangely.

“Even when !ts bad !ts good," you elaborate.

His gaze becomes harsher for a moment, and then it’s gone.

“) that is a rather crude way of looking at it, i seappose(.”

Alright. No mentally stable person seriously uses the word “suppose” out loud. You wonder how you’re inevitably going to beef it. The spear thing would be involved. It would be really fucking weird if he carried it here just to not use it, but he seems extra enough that you would not put him bringing a long a prop past him.

He notices you looking at it and smirks at you.

") so (,” he recovers and ambles towards you, focusing his full attention on you again. His weapon no longer was resting against his shoulder. He held it against the ground and casually leaned against it like it wasn’t one of the most threatening tools of questionable identity and mass murder you had ever seen. “) what are you doing back here with all of these very uninteresting crates? (”

“! just thought ! forgot someth!ng !n here and stopped by to check. S!r”

“) without telling anyone? (”

“Yes, s!r.”

He chuckles, all too pleased, “) whale, that was a poor decision on your part. there is just so much here that if anything happened to you (,” he lowers his voice, like he was graciously letting you in on a joke, “) who knows how long it would take anyone to find out (.”

A beat of silences passes. You swallow, You know he feels the tension. He looks too excited not to.

“!, uh, maybe should have told someone ! where ! was go!ng !n case someth!ng happened.”

“) i agree (.” He straightens and picks up his weapon, spinning it with ease before he points it at you and slowly starts to bring the to your neck. “) unfortunately for you (,” he starts, “) no one knows you're here (.”

Even as you move your arms, he makes no move to stop you. He grins wider, more manic, looking excited at the idea of you actually trying to fight back.

Ha.

Sucks to be him because there is no fucking way that the last thing you do before you get culled is putting in some more effort to make this more enjoyable for the extra dude culling you.

Because if this guy's going to cull you, you're at least going to be the one making a request and try to have some fun here while you can. Because what is he going to do about it? You’re getting culled anyways, might as well, right?

The ridiculousness of it all makes you grin as you shrug at him. "Well, sh!t. Alr!ght."

This acceptance gives him pause as he tilts his head slightly, considering you. A crease forms between his brows and he tightens his grip on his weapon. ") w-"

You cut him off. You’re going to die so you think you get to be rude. Him being mad about it won’t really be your problem for long anyways.

"Can ! d!e !n a cool way though?"

") i-" he starts to lower his weapon, which you now think is a harpoon. Maybe? You don't know man. You don’t know anything about fish shit and you’re understanding less by the second.

You continue looking at him with the same resigned optimism that carried you through most of the bullshit you did. It got you this far. Which, granted, is probably getting culled by a bored sea dweller, but there are probably worse ways to go.

") wait (,” he says.

"Yeah?"

It isn't exactly like you're going anywhere. You know what to do with fear, being a rusty, you learn that shit real quick. But the look he is giving you now just makes you uncomfortable.

"What's up my guy?"

") aren't you going to fight back or somefin? ("

"Uh." You glance around the room full of mostly crates and his eyes follow yours as you search before you focus back on him, confused. "L!ke w!th a weapon?"

") yes? (" His smile tightens, seeming incredulous that you even asked.

"Why would anyone g!ve me a weapon? ! mean, there m!ght be a broom somewhere. Actually wa!t, ! th!nk that got broken last w!pe. !t wasn't even me th!s t!me," you add with a side smile.

He doesn't seem to know how to respond. Neither do you, so you do what you normally do when you don't know how to react.

You keep talking.

"! did troll karate for a l!ttle b!t when ! was f!ve, but !t was k!nda lame so ! stopped going. Does that uh,” you hazard, “w!ll that work for th!s?"

") no (." He narrows his eyes at you. ") plus, I know fish judo(."

Your jaw drops.

"What the fuck. F!sh judo !s real?"

") of course fish judo is reel (." He quickly spits, looking offended by your ignorance. ") do land dwellers just think that you can fight the same way underwater? ("

"! mean !'ve l!terally never thought about !t."

") i'm not surfrised ( ."

"Okay, but ! feel l!ke !f a land dweller !s !n a pos!t!on where they need to know f!sh judo, !t means they're going to lose at f!sh judo."

") i mean, i guess? (," he replies, baffled before quickly refocusing on you again. His sharp thing is pointed back at your throat as he slips back into his previous cool demeanor.

“) you do reelize the danger you’re in right? (”

Your eyes dart down to his weapon and then at him, now being the one confused.

“Um, yeah?”

Was the whole mood he had going on not an intentional thing on his part?

He stares at you. So you go on, listing things on your fingers as you go, trying not to focus on his questionable object with definite pointiness.

“So you got the whole class!c stalk and lurk th!ng so you could follow me somewhere ! would be alone where no one can hear me scream. !t’s pretty standard,” you emphasize.

You can’t read his expression.

“There was the whole slow dramat!c enter, nefar!ous d!alogue, and, uh," you glance down, "harpoon?”

“) harpoon (,” he repeats.

“That’s what ! thought !t was, but ! felt !t would be we!rd to ask.”

His mouth opens slightly and his fins flare out more, now openly seething.

“) do you know what i could do to you? ("

A lull drags on.

"Et!vor."

") what (."

"My name !s Et!vor." You continue, "! thought you were draw!ng out the you th!ng because !t's l!ke. We are a good b!t into th!s whole th!ng and !t's kinda awkward to ask for names now, so ! am just, you know, putt!ng !t out there."

He blinks. "I don't give a fuck about your name Etivor."

He still used it though.

Taking a very deep breath, he resumes. “) i am going to take immense pleasure in cutting your tongue out and slowly flaying you alive (”

He moves closer to you, slowly, predatory, circling you again. One of his icy hands brushes by your arm in a mockery of comfort as he continues to muse more to himself than you.

“) maybe I’ll slice off each of your joints, starting at the ends and slowly work my way to eventually gutting you. perhaps I’ll simply behead you. although, i think you’ve said enough to have earned far worse, don’t you think? (”

His face being this close to you is definitely starting to put you on edge more than what he is saying. But what’s really bothering you most of all is that one of those sounds a bit too familiar.

“Wa!t. That second on-”

“) you don’t get to fucking choose which one,” he hisses at you as his claws start to dig in to you.

“! wasn’t done. Damn.”

You’re honestly surprised he hasn’t just stabbed you from sheer frustration. It’s kinda funny. It would be way more funny if he wasn't going to cull you though, but you’ll take what you can get.

“!sn’t that second one from that one comedy with troll Tob!hn Bhelle?”

“) you’ve sean that? (” He raises his brows. “) no. i added a little twist with the gutting at the end instead of letting them bleed out (.” Almost hesitantly he asks, “) did you like it? because i thought they were trying too hard where they ha-.”

He catches himself and raises his weapon at you again, “) STOP. This is NOT what is taking place right now (.”

You narrow your eyes. He's the one who kept talking.

“Then !t !s from that mov!e. You can’t just say, no !t’s not and then be l!ke,” you motion with your hands, “but w!th a tw!st! You l!fted !t.”

He bemusedly stares at you.

“) are you purposefully trying to infuriate me? was your egg dropped? do you not understand what happens when you piss off royalty? (” He snidely adds, “) i am going to get so much satisfaction out of flaying you (.”

He is literally the one holding the weapon, and holding you hostage, and also did physically hold you a few times. What the fuck does he think you’re trying to get out of this?

“! have never purposefully done anyth!ng !n my ent!re l!fe dude. ! am not about to start mak!ng an effort just when !’m about to get culled,” you respond, surprisingly defensively.

Wait, this has gotten off of the fucking rails and you don’t know where you guys actually stand.

“You are going to cull me r!ght?”

“) well, uh. yeah (.” He’s tense and glances around the room, taken off guard by your question.

"Cool." You nod at him. Worth a try you guess.

His harpoon is less looking like a weapon to be used against you and more like a barrier to keep you away from him. Silence again draws on and he stares at you expectantly. You glance around. His frown gets deeper and he looks more frustrated as time goes on. You have no idea what he is waiting for.

You never thought being culled would be this fucking awkward. Guess the torture’s already started.

") aren't you going to plead for your life? (" he demands, bringing his harpoon closer as he does so.

You’ve never been great on the spot. You try to muster something decent up.

“Uh, don’t cull me?” You said it as lamely as you felt.

He looks at you blankly. “) are you getting off on this? (”

“Dude. No. Gross.” Your face twists. “!t’s just like. !’ve never pleaded for my l!fe before. !t !sn’t sh!t you really get to pract!ce and ! feel l!ke !t won’t actually matter since !’m getting culled anyways. So. Yeah.” You slowly nod to yourself before looking up at him.

He is still waiting. Goddamn it. You sigh.

“No. Please don’t cull me. !’ll do anyth!ng.”

While that covers all your bases, it came out a lot drier than you thought but you’re too over this shit to feel any kind of way about it.

"!s there any chance plead!ng would even work?"

His disappointment was broken by a sharp laugh, ") of course not (."

“Then what do you even want from me?” you ask, getting kinda exasperated at his apparent high standards and prereqs for the randos he culls. Like it is one thing to play some kind of sadistic game with your prey, that’s normal, whatever, but it is a whole other thing to get weird about them not being good at it.

"Why ask unless y-. Oh." Your face falls as you get bitch slapped with the realization of what is really happening here. "Oh fuck."

You step back.

Your fear has apparently slam dunked him right back in his comfort zone because his grin is back full throttle and wider and sharper than ever like he was making up for lost time. ") you finally understand the weight of the seatuation you're in? ("

He slinks towards you and you feel the edge of the blade graze your neck.

"Yep," avoid his gaze and swallow.

You were going to get culled in the weirdest way possible.

“) and what is that? (,” he asks lowly, getting right the fuck back into your personal space. His smile almost splits his face and you want to crawl out of your skin.

"Th!s !s l!ke. A th!ng. W!th you."

He lowers his harpoon again, looking completely done. “) what the fuck is THAT supposed to mean? (” You half expect him to throw it across the room or through your torso.

You can’t stop yourself from speaking now that you're actually nervous and stressed and he is yelling and also way too close to your person and his harpoon isn’t doing either of you any favors.

“You had the whole k!nda fl!rty touchy th!ng going on and then you got really p!ssy when ! d!dn’t f!ght back. And you also got super d!sappo!nted w!th my sh!tty plead!ng l!ke you were really look!ng forward to !t or someth!ng.”

“) i’m disappointed because this is the least satisfying cull of my life! (,” he hisses.

You visibly cringe at the word “satisfying” and take another step back from him. There is some fear there but mostly you’re just really fucking uncomfortable. Troll Jesus Christ this dude is into some shit and you are not playing into it.

He also takes a step back too, now into a defensive stance. ") what? it doesn't look like that! ("

You suck in air in through your teeth and are looking anywhere but at him as you reply, "!t k!nda looks l!ke that."

") oh my cod ("

He just slumps down, his harpoon clattering in front of him. His mouth is in a straight line and his head rests between his hands. You stand there, unsure for a moment, before slowly lowering yourself a decent distance away from him. You honestly thought that getting culled would be less uncomfortable than it was being here while he has whatever the fuck it is he has going on going on or at least uncomfortable in a different way.

You continue trying to avoid looking at him. It’s kinda expected that a highblood was going to cull you at some point. That was just how it tended to go for rusties, but you could not have guessed this, and now just kinda want to get this whole getting murdered thing over with.

You try to give him a moment, glancing around the room, mentally taking inventory of everything there twice. The awkward silence is weighty and the longer it stretches on, the worse you are feeling about this whole fucking ordeal.

“Would cull!ng me help you uh, not be l!ke th!s?”

He gives you a dirty look.

You sigh, "!t's not l!ke anyone gets to th!nk that for long, !f !t helps.”

“) if it helps? ( ” He spat each word, getting louder as he went on. He whipped his head at you, indignantly, “) this is your fault! ("

"What?"

") getting culled is so fucking basic. how did you fuck that up? ("

You stare at him, trying to figure out how the fuck to even respond.

Slowly, in what might be one of the last things you do in your existence, you serve this royal what you are assuming is the stalest tea of his life in the form of the lukewarm take, “you know, be!ng bad at dy!ng !s a good th!ng actually.”

These are real words. These are real words that you are saying to the guy who was leaning way too hard into the thirsty part of bloodthirsty.

You continue. "L!ke you don’t get to pract!ce th!s. ! mean, do ! look l!ke someone who has been culled before? Because ! haven’t. Have you?" You add.

He looks like he is about to have a conniption or the sea dweller equivalent. Can sea dwellers have conniptions? Because this guy is about to have a big one.

") you did not just seariously just ask me if i've ever been culled before. that is the dumbest question anyone has ever asked me! (," he practically shrieks.

"Well you're acting like ! should just know th!s sh!t. We have the exact same amount of exper!ence gett!ng culled!"

“) whale i’ve never encountered any TROLL who is so miserable that they just accept getting culled from the fucking get go (.”

“!’m not m!serable! !’m real!st!c! ! don’t have a weapon, ! can’t fight for sh!t, f!sh judo !s apparently fuck!ng real, and plead!ng does noth!ng. !’m gonna end up at the same place no matter what ! do so why drag !t out? L!ke, come on.”

You slump against the wall, exhausted from this whole interaction. “!t wasn’t great, but ! don’t see much of a po!nt !n gett!ng so worked up about sh!t ! can’t control. ! just wanted to go out !n a cool way s!nce noth!ng ever fuck!ng happens here. The reason ! was even back here !n the f!rst place was to see !f ! had an update on a stup!d hexagonal d!sk ! ordered three months ago. But that sh!t !s apparently !n the vo!d," you gripe.

You pull out your palm husk and check again. Jack shit. You groan.

You’re surprised to hear him chuckle.

“) sucks to be you (.”

“Yeah." You shake your head. "And then a few seconds after ! found out, some guy showed up to cull me.”

He actually laughs. This is so fucking ridiculous so maybe that’s why you are too.

“) it’s a lot more fun to be doing the culling (.” He eyes you again and you don’t want to crawl out of your flesh this time, and you feel like that’s a real development here. “) you seam like you’d lose a fight (.”

An accurate assessment.

“Yeah. Troll karate didn’t do sh!t for me.” A beat passes. “Drones actually burnt !t down l!ke two w!pes after ! qu!t.”

He snickers and a moment passes.

“) one month for a disk? that is fucking bullshit (.”

“Three.”

“) fuck (," he raises his brows. Moderate inconvenience seems to repulse him more than anything you've said tonight. ") that sucks, i get my shit next night with cullazon prime (.”

"N!ce. !'d probably try that if ! had more than twenty seven whole caegars."

Broke bitch disorder also seems to do it for him in the humor department and the two of you continue chilling in silence. Less uncomfortable this time. You almost feel bad for thinking he was a sadistic creep.

He breaks the silence. “) give me your palm husk (."

“What?”

“) i don’t repeat myself (," he replies tersely, holding his hand out to you.

What the hell.

You type your code in and pass it to him. He glances at the massive crack on the center of your screen with disgust. He looks at you and shakes his head before he starts typing.

He didn't ask, but still, you answer. “! cracked !t do!ng a k!ckfl!p on a doll!e.”

He doesn't look up. ") you can't do a kickflip on a dollie (."

"Not w!thout a cost."

He spares you a side glance. ") why the fuck would you even do that? ("

"Because !t !s bor!ng as sh!t out here and there !s much better to do !n the ma!lblock."

He hums noncommittally.

"Were you just spaced?"

") and what if I was?(," he asks, a touch defensive.

"Noth!ng. ! was just wonder!ng !f !t sucks th!s bad at your level too?"

") of course not (," he snaps. ") do you genuinely believe anyone could be doing worse than you? ("

"Well yeah." You tap your sign. "But not by much."

He huffs and rolls his eyes before he looks out for a moment.

") i'm abshellutely krilling it out here (,” he states resolutely before continuing, “) but taking orders is a reel pain (.”

He sullenly joins you in leaning back against the wall.

Damn, This might just be the first time he's ever had anyone above him. Well, above him and specifically giving him orders you mean, judging by the way he is basically pouting over it. Everyone loses agency when they ascend. Guess it just sucks more when you have more to lose, not that you’d really know.

"!t doesn’t get better, but you do get used to !t," you say, not looking at him.

He glances at you, frowning deeper before exhaling.

You keep not looking at him when you ask, "So. Are you go!ng to cull me?"

") no. there is no salvaging that. you completely ruined it (." He replies bitterly while returning your palm husk.

The cullazon app has been downloaded and opened to an account page. You raise an eyebrow at him.

He announces, “) okay etivor, i shared my cullazon prime with you. you’re still going to be a sorry excuse for a troll, but you might get enough out of it that culling you acshelly becomes entertaining (.”

This is a joke. This has to be a joke.

“Thanks, but there !s l!terally no way for me to pay you back for anyth!ng ! buy on th!s.”

“) do i look like i need your fucking charity? (” he sneers.

He is actually serious about this. He looks too pissed not to be.

“Nope, you’re way too bl!nged out for that,” you grin. This dude is wild. “What’s your number?”

He looks at you suspiciously.

“!s th!s really where you’re gonna draw the l!ne? You gave me access to your Cullazon, but won’t g!ve me your number? Ser!ously?”

He doesn’t ask this time. He just swipes it out of your hands.

“) i am ievahn mordax, probably the best thing that has and will ever grace your miserable fucking life and i will brutally cull you if you mention any of this ever happened to anyone (.”

He hands it back, but still holds onto it. “) i’ve made myself clear? (”

“Yeah,” you nod and he finally lets go. This is way better than a shipping notification.

Oh.

You check the time.

"Fuck!" You leap to your feet and he quickly grabs his harpoon.

") what? (" he shouts.

"! was supposed to be here for l!ke a m!nute to check on the d!sk." You look at your palm husk again. It has been way more than a minute and you have the feeling someone definitely noticed by now. You completely forgot about having some work work to do considering you thought you were going to die. "Sh!t." You look at him again. "Do you have anywhere to be?"

") what? (" He squints.

“! mean you just had some free t!me and you seem bored and apparently don’t believe ! can do a k!ckfl!p on a doll!e. ! have to defend my good name. You get !t.”

“) what good name? (” he snickers. “) and if i did, why the fuck would i want to spend anymore time with you? (”

“Because you can’t make fun of my Cullazon orders !f my boss culls me for tard!ness. You be!ng around means she can’t say sh!t.”

He seems to consider, “) a compelling argument. and i do get to watch you maim yourself in the dumbest way possible which is a definite bonus (.”

You grin as you start walking. “Or have your pan be blown when you see what trollk!nd can really do when there is l!terally noth!ng else to do. !’m push!ng l!m!ts here !evahn.”

“) you’re pushing your luck (.” He leans his harpoon against himself as he follows.

“Maybe.” Quickly, you face him and add. “But ser!ously, be cool. !f my boss f!nds out about any of th!s, she w!ll absolutely cull me.”

“) she can’t cull you (,” he huffs. “) i already called dibs on that (.”

You grin returns.

“Damn. !’ll let her know.”

#Homestuck #Hiveswap #Fantrolls #Ievahn Mordax #Etivor Petris #My writing #Do you ever just get someone thrown so off guard and uncomfortable that they don't cull you?#Ievahn has his whole villain persona up and Eti's generic lowblood one goes out the window when he feels there's not much to lose #It just goes so off the rails that there isn't really much of a social script to stick to or much familiar territory here #Basically an unstoppable force meets an extremely strange object #Anyways they chill out over time and form a weird friendship to moiraillegence because they're a similar kind of stupid #They just happen to be on opposite ends of the spectrum

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kanskje-kaffe · 2 years

Note

since you've stepped off the dinluke ride lately i feel like i can say this.

Seeing all the renewed hubbub in the dinluke tag, people mourning what feels like the “death” of the ship has me absolutely rolling my eyes.

Why are people leaving? It’s cause the fic is bad. The fic is bad! The dark!Din, fetishy pablum served up by shyowl et al is unreadable, nevermind the fact that those who write it should own up to the fact that they’re just producing this content for their own and others’ titillation.

But the folks complaining about it the loudest, het up over the fact that their stuff isn’t getting the engagement they want? Their fic is also bad! It’s stilted, out of character, hard to read, unimaginative, and self-important. And, critically, a lot of it still deals in many of the same stereotypes and misrepresentation of queer life as the kinds of stories they're railing against. The problem with the pairing isn't that there are a handful of bad apples. The problem is almost no one is getting it right.

Folks could have just enjoyed themselves with a fun little crack ship while it lasted, written some good stories, and bounced. But the Titanic has sunk, and everyone left is fighting over the same few scraps of flotsam. Get it together.

Hey anon, thank you for messaging me. I’m happy you thought of me and felt able to send me your thoughts, I appreciate it. I agree with a lot of what you’ve said. I recognize your frustration. (Also thank you SO much for introducing 'pablum' into my active vocabulary, what an absolutely perfect word for this situation!!!! omg)

I’ve read very little actual fanfiction for Dinluke. I’m in fandom to make friends, socialise, swap meta and headcanons, talk with other artists and writers about our work. If I want a reading list I can go to the library or check my bookshelf. I’ve prioritized reading the work and the recommendations of my husband and my extremely talented personal friends, and their contributions have all been nothing short of excellent. I’ve never read any of Shyowl’s fanfic; the premises haven't appealed. I do remember that when all the anti-Luke/anti-Armorer stuff was happening during BOBF, Shyowl posted some really good meta takes which I appreciated. My complaints are based on my interpersonal encounters with the fandom at large via Discord, AO3 comments, and Tumblr, almost every day for more than a year.

I think it’s totally appropriate for fiction to be kinky, self-gratifying, unorthodox, countercultural, or even disgusting. It’s appropriate for fiction to explore unsavory ideas in their own right without having to present a conclusive judgement on that exploration. It’s appropriate for fiction to portray the id, not the superego. Authors like Ballard or Palahniuk have written things that made my stomach turn (holy shit, Crash), and they’re no less deserving of being in print for having done that. This goes x10000 for fanfiction which is both written and read for free, with no element of general social elevation being afforded to the author for having done so. Kink is and will always be fringe content. The women who contributed their sexual fantasies to Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden weren’t immoral, wicked people who were admitting to these fantasies in a published work in order to hurt children and cause the downfall of society. Or whatever.

The problem I have with Dinluke is this, as you said:

“a lot of [vanilla fic] still deals in many of the same stereotypes and misrepresentation of queer life as the kinds of stories they're railing against. The problem with the pairing isn't that there are a handful of bad apples.”

Some of the most popular kink fic is openly written in homage to the vanilla fic - not the other way around. When I was in the old Dinluke server, the kink authors and the vanilla authors were all fans of the exact same small handful of popular fics and artists. They shared appreciation of the same tropes, the same dynamics, the same jokes. The fact that some of them were then inspired to write pornography while others were inspired to write romance is not the issue here.

The homophobic stereotypes, the bland recycling of nuclear family dynamics enforced at the expense of both Luke and Din’s religions/philosophies and even their most basic character traits, the endless and harrowing forced feminisation of Luke Skywalker - this all originates with vanilla Dinluke, and remains consistently present in vanilla Dinluke. Luke the preschool teacher. Luke wearing dresses and lingerie. Luke the theater kid. Luke blushing and stuttering. Luke who can’t hold his drink. Luke who delays before going to save a child’s life to borrow tight pants from his sister and put on designer boots so he can seduce the kid’s caretaker. Luke who always bottoms. (I’ve heard that the Korean Dinluke fandom doesn’t have Luke as a Designated Bottom and I hope they’re all having a great day today.) Poor old Din just has to be A Single Dad, or at best a saccharine pre-Raphaelite fantasy knight-king complete with Reddit-grade chivalry (m’Luke), because none of his actual character traits or beliefs match the comphet, anemic-Dante Gabriel Rosetti-flavored model of this pairing that the fandom seems so utterly reluctant to deviate from.

The dynamic between Kay Adams and Michael Corleone in The Godfather series was abusive, disrespectful, and repellent - without being kinky or pornographic in any way. It’s also more or less exactly the standard dynamic between Din and Luke, except that Luke is typically able to do what Kay wanted to and could not: to soften Din with love. I pray it’s clear that this is not the missing piece making Kay and Michael’s relationship toxic.

I’ve been in fandom for a good 20 years at this point. I fully believe that people should write whatever the hell they want to. If they do, they’ll do doubt find other people who enjoy it too, no matter what it is. Yaoi and Shounen-ai tropes - which are essentially the same tropes as in Dinluke - have always been at their most acceptable (which isn't much, but still) as a kinky fantasy, and at their least acceptable as stomachable romance. The fact that yaoi/BL has enjoyed so much popularity over the years shows that there is obviously a huge market for it. It’s not exactly news to me that people want to see homosexual male romance portrayed like this. But other parts of Star Wars fandom have variety; avoiding a trope or a genre doesn't mean avoiding a character or a ship entirely in every part of Star Wars I enjoy except Dinluke, which mostly seems to be a machine for writing The Same Story. The tropes are just as present in vanilla Dinluke as they are in kinky or dark Dinluke, and it’s the tropes, not the pornography, that are demeaning and unwelcoming. As a result, interacting with anyone beyond the minuscule group of friends I’ve managed to curate feels like enduring a kind of social hazing, and therefore, I’m out.

#long post #discourse #anon #anon ask

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inkdemonapologist · 3 years

Text

SESSION TWELVE of the BatIM Call of Cthulhu game, aka Continuing to have a Great Time At The Masquerade! : )

Joey and Bendy destabilised early on, meaning Joey went through the ENTIRE masquerade UNABLE TO STOP SMILING

getting some mixed messages here, Joey

Sometimes u dress ur characters up as rabbits for fun but then you have a lot of emotions about them losing their minds and then u gotta draw them losing their minds while dressed as rabbits... anyway Jack being mind-controlled did NOT help Sammy hold onto his mental stability at this nightmare party in case you were wondering,

ANYWAY HAVE, MORE OUT-OF-CONTEXT QUOTES, UNDER THE CUT

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[GM] Joey, make a POW roll also... [Joey] Oh, boy, [GM] ...because Bendy was also told to enjoy this party, and you guys just passed a plate of food, and he wants to eat! [Jack] FEED YOUR SON! [Joey] No!!! [Henry] HES A HUNGRY BOY! [Sammy] A GROWING BOY!

[Henry] Henry will look back to see if Moonlight is trying to follow them! [GM] He will see that Moonlight has grabbed onto the railing of the stairs and is hobbling slowly down them. [Joey] *extremely evil-sounding cackling*

[Jack] All Cthulhu Official Dice actually come weighted, to make you fail.

[Henry] Gotta try harder than that, bitch! [Henry] ....that wasn't in character. [Jack] It's in character, but he's only thinking it. [Sammy] That's the golden text you see on the wall if you use the seeing tool

[Henry] My Luck is 68, I don't know what y'all are doing! [Jack] We're spending Luck so that we'll fail! [Sammy] BEING UNLUCKY! I've barely spent any Luck, I'm just NOT A LUCKY GUY

[Henry] Oh, Avedon's here, [GM] There's a gunshot, and he tries to shoot Fowler! [Joey] Um, well, uh, whoops!, rest in peace Fowler! [Sammy] Yeah, that'll sort itself out, let's go! [GM] Moonlight seems to reconsider from telling people to grab you guys, to grabbing Avedon instead. [Joey] Oh! THANKS AVEDON, your sacrifice will, not be thought about in the slightest!!!

[Sammy] Is... weird question, does this room look like it matches the architecture of the rest of the house? [GM] [GM] [GM] ...make a sanity check.

[Sammy] It would be a like, Come on Jack, do you know where you are, shake it off, snap out of it, kind of thing. [GM] Why don't you make a... a.... oh boy, [Sammy] One of my REALLY persuasive social skills?

[GM] This probably just registers to Jack as, Sammy griping about a party, which isn't that strange. [Jack] Yeahhhh, he wants to leave. He always does that. I wanna stay at least a little longer! [GM] That just means it's Jack's job to find them something fun and good to do. [Sammy] Oh boy, [GM] I don't think Jack is being compelled to be aggressive about this necessarily, he just feels like he's Jack at a party, doing the things Jack normally does, and trying to have a good time! [Sammy] Ah, and everyone else is being weird, [GM] Yeah! Everybody's being really weird! You're at this nice party, and now you're in this weird room? The party's back there somewhere! [Jack] I mean not that he's opposed to bein' dragged into side rooms at parties by cute boys, but,

[GM] The table looks like a table that Henry has in his house, actually. [Sammy] Have I ever been in Henry's house? These are questions I didn't expect to need to ask tonight.

[Sammy] Jack, this is weird! You see this is weird, right?! [Jack] Well yeah, it is kinda weird that we're in-- what are we doing here? [Joey] Joey is going to grab Jack's arm, and point to the next door, and go "Party is this way!"

[GM] Peter looks worried... [Sammy] Sammy looks worried too! Well, Sammy looks angry, but in a worried way.

[Joey] Joey is going to scream frustratedly. [Sammy] Is there ink in this room? [GM] There is not. [Jack] Is there a party in this room? [GM] Definitely no, only the party you bring with you.

[Joey] Joey is going to scream again. [Joey] He's also going to kick the door. He might stub his toe. [Sammy] Through all this, Joey is smiling. I just need us all to remember that. [Joey] YES. Also his tail is furiously going. [GM] Bendy is also upset! There is nothing to eat here.

[Joey] Joey is going to try to feed Bendy some ideas, [GM] He doesn't want ideas, he wants food!

[Joey] So.... what happens if you fumble a sanity roll?

[GM] See, here's the silly part. At this point, right? At this point, the best place to do the tasks you want to do, involve either getting the stone out of the room with the safe, or having the staff that Henry is currently holding. [Sammy] So you would arrive, by completely different means, to the same place that we are! [GM] Clearly Joey is inside the safe.

[Jack] Bad and naughty Joey Drews get put in the safe to atone for their sins!

[Henry] Henry is going to channel his inner Joey Drew and round the corner and say "No, sorry about him, we're just here on inspection, we need to check the safe." [Henry] Which is probably a Fast Talk, which I hope it isn't, because my Fast Talk is a 5. [GM] Unless you wanna try to turn that into a persuade somehow? [Henry] I'll do Persuade! [GM] What are you doing to persuade them, rather than just lying? [Henry] *rolls* I failed... I'm gonna push it... [Sammy] *uneasy noises* IF YOU PUSH IT AND IT GOES BAD, IT GOES WORSE [Henry] AH! HAHA! I ROLLED A SIX! [Sammy] THAT'S STILL NOT LESS THAN FIVE! [Henry] WELL IM DOING PERSUADE! [Sammy] That means you have to NOT LIE! [Henry] ....Fuck. [Henry] Okay, uh, there's an emergency, we need the contents of that safe. [Sammy] THATS STILL A LIE??? [Joey] NO actually, THAT'S TRUE! [Henry] It IS an emergency!!

[Sammy] Sammy cannot believe that this is working.

[GM] Bendy does wonder what his plan is for getting out of the safe. This does not seem like a fun party place. [Joey] Um, [Joey] Joey says it's a surprise.

[GM] Henry, the safe does indeed open! And there's a Joey! [GM] Bendy says "Oh wow!" [Henry] Henry tries his best to keep a straight face, like yes! this is exactly what he came here for! [Sammy] (Sammy is NOT keeping a straight face) [Jack] (Straight? In this party?)

[Jack] He's probably saying something like, "What are you doing, he's one of us!" [Jack] And that could go either way. That could mean "No, he's chill, I will persuade you to stop!" Or that could mean, "We are also criminals!"

[GM, as the guards] Then why does he look like the Yellow King's messenger? [Henry] *not missing a beat* We get that a lot.

[GM] Something falls from the sky and lands in front of him. And it's a person! [Joey] Is he alive? [GM] Very much not. [Sammy] How... how Illusion of Living canon-compliant is this Joey...?

[Jack] So... it would probably occur to Jack that this is weird for a party,

[Henry] Joey don't touch it! [Joey] Why not? [Henry] There's runes around it. I don't know if you can touch it. [Joey] Joey's gonna touch it. [Henry] *long-suffering sigh* If you get zapped, I'll tell you I told you so!

[Jack] Jack really wishes we were just back at the party right now, you guys... [Jack] Only bad things have happened. [Jack] Pete's traumatised, Joey's goopy, the Lurker ate all of the snacks,

[Sammy] Can I try to break free from Henry? Sammy's gonna try to run over there. [Henry] At this point, Sam can go, if he wants. [Sammy] Okay, cool. Then Sammy's gonna go and put ink in his mouth! [Henry] Goddammit. I was hoping you were going to check on Joey!

[Joey] You can’t take all of the sanity hits! You have to leave some for other people! [Jack] Says you! You got so many temps!! And an indefinite!!

[GM] Bendy probably is complaining loudly about WHY DID HE WALK THROUGH THE RUNES??? [Joey] Oh! I thought he was going to complain about the party, or lack thereof, [GM] That’s part of not having fun at the party, he’s not into that! [Joey] Well, [GM] This is not a fun party activity!!

[GM] But he doesn’t think it will destroy either of them, if you do it right! [Jack] That’s a nice, way to end that sentence,

[Sammy] Let us hurry! May I take the stone? [Joey] Joey shrugs. [Sammy] Sammy will, uh, attempt to reach inside of... whatever this is, and find the stone. [Henry] Reach INTO your LOCAL boss, and you will find A Friend And Boy,

[Sammy] Is there anything in this room that I can pick up, and then hit him in the head with? [GM] Henry has a stick... uh....there’s a projector.... [Sammy] Can I pick that up? [GM] No, you cannot. [Sammy] It would be REALLY funny if Sammy dropped a projector on someone else’s head. [Sammy] HOW THE TURNTABLES!!!

[GM] ...Can you impale with a rocking horse...???? [Sammy] I don’t want to impale, I want to knock him in the head so he passes out!!! Rest your head, it’s time for bed!!!

[Jack] I don’t think Jack has any plans after this! [Jack] I meant that in the sense that he doesn’t know what he’s doing next, but the way I phrased it, now it just sounds like he’s hitting on Fowler, like, he doesn’t have anything to do after this, are you free? That’s not canon.

[Joey] I don’t know how this will go, [Sammy] Good luck! [Joey] But Joey would like to-- [Sammy] Sammy believes in half of you! [GM] w-which Sammy? wHICH HALF?!

[Jack] I know you said “note.” But my brain at first processed that word as “milk.” [Henry] *laughing* “Did you get my milk, Fowler?” [Jack] He drank the last carton and he didn’t buy more! [Sammy] “I’m going to the store, want me to get anything? *jumps into the lake*”

[GM] Combat Jack! [Jack] *exasperated* He’s not a Combat Boy! Jack is soft and warm, like mashed potatoes!!!

[GM] Norman is wondering to Henry if he oughta be concerned about you all getting what you want out of this. [Henry] .....Maybe.

#call of cthulu: haunted hijinx #joey drew #sammy lawrence #jack fain #when in doubt just keep drawing #tHE PERMASMILE IS MY FAVOURITE THING #we're getting close to end of scenario but boy howdy is everything getting [bass-boosted carmeldansen noises]

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barnesbabee · 3 years

Text

𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 - 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓵

|| ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ⇜ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - 21

⟿ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: No sensible person would turn down their boss if they looked good as good as Seonghwa. But maybe they would wish they had…

⟿ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ: CEO!Seonghwa x reader, bestfriend!Yunho x reader || Social Media!AU || no gender specified for the reader

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: (send me a DM or an ask to be added) @ateezappreciation @shinyddeonghwa @lilithpooped @cloudyyeonnie@yeosangmystar @wooyoung-a @sanisms @mingismoon @lovelyvitamin @anawwyd @annasbannas @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @uglychildd @oddlittlefandomist @hwahomie @jin-neck-shaft @lovelyvitamin @yeosangmystar @skmoonchild @lovelymultiwrites @sunwooyoung

Panic settled in the room as Seonghwa's words echoed in your heads. Yunho was dead, Mingi disappeared, San wasn't waking up and the body was gone.

And meanwhile, you were getting railed in Seonghwa's office. You felt sick to your stomach, not knowing what to do, or where to even start.

"Someone say something!" Jongho yelled, at the top of his lungs, finally breaking his calm character.

The silence in the room was heavy and you suddenly felt as if you couldn't breathe, as if someone was gripping your throat from the inside. As if on cue, San groaned and his eyes fluttered open.

"What the fuck?..." He groaned, as he sat up straight with the help of one hand.

San rubbed the back of his head with his other hand, hissing as he moved it up and down slowly.

You and Seonghwa ran towards him and knelt beside the man.

"San what happened!?"

San sat against the sofa, feeling too sick and too dizzy to sit up straight on his own. He took a couple of breathsm trying to recollect what happened before he blacked out.

"There really isn't much to say, right after Y/N left Mingi asked me to get him something from the kitchen and when I came back someone, I'm assuming Mingi, hit me with something in the back of the head. Next thing I know I'm waking up next to Jongho."

Seonghwa stood up, visibly stressed and irritated.

"Y/N I- I can't take this anymore. I'm tired, I'm stressed out, I wake up, go to sleep and go through the day stressed but I try to keep calm and be reasobale but I just can't anymore! I need to rest, I need time!" Jongho said.

His voice was shaky, his face was red and his eyes were desperate and tired. He had huge bags under his eyes, and he looked as if he wanted to cry, but was too tired to do so.

"I... I know. I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it too, but the body is gone, and you know that if the body is found we'll all be questioned by the police and if he turns himself in he will also be questioned by the police and we both know that in either case they will be asking questions. The body is decomposing! They'll start asking why he didn't come right away, what happened between the murder and the confession, and it doesn't take much for Mingi to break! If he goes down he'll bring us with him!"

Your voice was unstable from crying, and you, just like every other person in the group, regretted helping Mingi. You should have stayed mad at him. You shouldn't have babied him and helped him cover up a murder. But it was too late, friendship and compassion won over you as if you were in a kid's cartoon where the power of friendship could overcome anything. But it didn't.

"Each of you get in one of my cars. We're splitting up and looking for him. Keys are in the ignition, let's go. The sooner we find him, the sooner it will all be over."

Seonghwa turned his back and started walking towards the garage, giving them no time to oppose themselves to the plan, or to complain at all.

Four motors roared in the garage as each of them left in their respective car to look around. He couldn't have gone very far, it had only been a couple hours and Mingi had no car and no money for a cab.

It was becoming increasingly hard for San to throw off Wooyoung. They had been spending a lot of time together and these past few days he had barely talked to the younger boy, making the latter suspicious that either San had gotten tired of him, or that he had found someone else. Either way Wooyoung was panicking and constantly blowing up San's phone, which was just the cherry on top. After the 10th ding sounded from his phone, San pulled over for a second and called Wooyoung.

"Heeey Woo." He said, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

"San what's happening? Please tell me if you're getting tired of me... Don't give me any hopes, because I really like you."

"What? No Wooyoung, I like you, like... a lot. Really. But I've just been busy with consoling Y/N, and there was a bunch of issues in some paperwork from my part-time job so I had to work on that as well, it's just been a very tiring couple of days, I'm sorry... Can I get back to you once I'm done? I need a little rest."

As far as Wooyoung knew you were still upset at Mingi.

"Alright fine, but I expect a nice homemade dinner once you're free."

"Of course baby."

San hung up with a sigh, relieved that he bought his excuses, and started the engine once more, resuming his search.

San was driving around the town, searching places with fewer people and hidden spots where rarely anybody went to. He ended up in a couple bad neighborhoods, which in retrospect it wasn't very smart since he was riding a Rolls Royce, but they hadn't been making good choices the past few days. Seonghwa headed back to the cabin where they had found the body, you searched every bridge and police station and Jongho went to his apartment.

It was minute 12 of driving around when you received a call. It was a group call with everyone involved.

"The body is back in the cabin. It's covered with all the leaves and shit we put here."

"Don't touch it, get out of there for now. I'm still trying to get to his house, anyone got anything?"

Jongho's question was met with a bunch of no's.

"Well I'm almost at his house and I can see- oh my God. I found him. I found him he's standing on a balcony and I think he's gonna jump everyone get here!"

Jongho hung up and you told Seonghwa the address. Thankfully you were close by and got there in no time. Jongho sprinted up the stairs and by the time you and San got to the house he was trying to talk Mingi out of it. Mingi was standing on the edge of his balcony, on the other side of the railing, but still holding onto it. Jongho was crying and begging Mingi to come to his senses and to come back inside, as he gripped his arm.

"It's no use Jongho, just let me go! This is not up to you!"

You and San got up to the balcony as well, trying to talk Mingi out of it.

"Mingi please! We'll get through this I'm begging you, we can't lose you too!" You yelled.

You wanted to stay composed but you couldn't help the tears streaming down your face. Even Jongho, who was usually very uncomfortable displaying his emotions, was crying and begging.

When Seonghwa got to the scene, he was terrified. He didn't know what to do, which was a common thing throughout the past few days, and it was killing him.

Everyone was pulling on Mingi's left side, trying to pull him up along with Jongho, so, without anyone noticing, he jumped outside the railing, and slowly walked towards Mingi without him noticing either.

Once he was close enough, he grabbed the man and pulled him up and over the railing, while holding himself stable with one hand on said railing.

However, Mingi's selfishness was bigger, and in the end, he showed that no matter what other people did for him, he was going to put himself first.

Mingi was mad, he thought his friends were being selfish and had no say in the matter, so while being saved, while going over the railing back into his house, he kicked it away with all the strength in his body, making him fall back.

Seonghwa, who was holding onto Mingi, failed to grip the railing harder and fell with Mingi, looking into your sad, panic-filled eyes as he fell to his death.

You bent over and watched the man you loved fall, in what felt like slow motion. His body hit the ground, and with an ugly cracking noise, Seonghwa's head split open.

You sprinted down the stairs, and once you got down to the ground people were circling the two men, taking pictures and gasping at the scene. You shoved away everybody in front of you so you could reach Seonghwa. His face was nearly intact, but the pool of blood surrounding his cracked skull told you there was no way he'd survive. His chest moved up and down quickly, for a couple of seconds, indicating the intense pain he was in.

"Seonghwa I'm sorry- I-I'm so sorry! Please... I love you..."

Just as the last three words left your mouth, you could see his lips twitch, before his chest stopped moving, before his eyes lost all of their color, before his body went limp in your hands. You stayed there, holding the face of the deceased man you once loved, your clothes soaking his blood and you cried out for forgiveness.

You didn't dare look at Mingi, but you sure hoped he was dead.

But he wasn't. And in the end. When the ambulance and the police came, they took Seonghwa to the morgue and Mingi to the hospital. Mingi ended up surviving after intense surgery, but not for long, because you would end up killing him.

"You don't get to live!" You told Mingi, as you stabbed gagged him and stabbed him over, and over, and over.

He died in a slow, agonizing way, just like you wanted him to. After all he put you, San, and Jongho through, after the sleepless nights, the constant stress, after staying the love of your life he still thought he'd get a second chance!?

You made sure he suffered, and you made sure he knew how much you hated him as you pierced your old, blunt, and rusty knife into his body.

San and Wooyoung ended up fleeing the country, and Jongho joined the military, both too afraid to face the reality and their past actions, seeking any refuge outside of their past lives. They did end up hearing about Mingi's death, and neither of them seemed to care. After everything, they just gave up on him completely.

You were arrested for Mingi's murder, but after confessing everything, and giving a couple touch-ups where you removed Seonghwa, Jongho, and San from the story, and after leading them to Yunho's body, the lawyer from your case pleaded not guilty, and blamed your acts on the heavy toll the incidents of helping your best friend, and the death of your lover, had taken on you, and the judge agreed that you should be under house arrest, with a government assigned professional that would assist you, take care of you, and report back to court.

Was that the end? Was that all there was to your life? That seemed to be the case... Sooner or later you'd end up joining Seonghwa however, you knew that much, you just hoped he was somewhere waiting for you.

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