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menofcolorswitchbodiestoo · 3 years

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Episode:

-Body evicted-

In the UK, rents are skyrocketing. Many landlords run into problems when their tenants are no longer willing or able to pay. Some tenants have thousands and sometimes tens of thousands of pounds in debt. Some of these tenants leave with the horizon even before the eviction. And the debt was rarely fully recovered. To stop this, the government has passed a controversial law for a few years now that allows affected landlords to claim the tenant’s body. This is a means of pressure to actually repay or partially remit the amount owed if the tenant hands over his or her body to the landlord.

-Case: Han P. (Landlord) & Zayed A. (Tenant)

''Good morning, I'm Andrew Wilson, I'm the bailor.''

''Good morning, my name is Han I'm the landlord'', Han said as he looked at the bailor and the two large security men behind him.

''Before we start the eviction is there anything you can tell about your tenants that could maybe important for us to know?''

''The names of my tenants are Zayed and his wife Daneen. He and his wife are very active on social media leading a very luxurious lifestyle: fancy restaurants, expensive cars, clothes, and suits, etc. That attitude just annoyes me so much, I'm funding that lifestyle! I don't even like that lifestyle. This excessive consumption conspicuous consumption I find untasteful. His Instagram presents an image of a wealthy businessman but he nothing more than a crook. I’m done with it I just want him out of my property and out of my life.''

''Zayed broke my nose the I first asked him about the rent and after that whenever I try to make contact with him he either doesn't answer or threatens to snap my neck. That man is built like a bull! So yeah I'm a little scared for him, I really am.''

''Let's call him first there is a chance he has left the property already. If not we go in'', the bailor said.

''I already know the answer... he won't answer his phone'', Han said.

''This is the voicemail of Zayed...''

*Sigh*

''Goodmorning Zayed this is Han, sadly I can't reach you. As you know the eviction takes place today. So I hope you have packed your stuff and you are ready to go because you have to leave within an hour.''

I walked with the bailor and the security guys to the apartment and knocked on the door. The door opened standing in the doorframe the ''bull'' called Zayed.

''What are doing here?! It's early! Zayed said in his deep dominating voice.''

''As you know, the court has issued an expulsion order. Due to the £ 10,000 rent arrears and refusal to vacate the property after the court ruling. We are here today to see you and your wife leave Han's apartment today and collect the amount due.''

''I didn't receive a letter for this eviction, you can't do this!'' Zayed shouted at the bailor.

''That's a lie and you know it Mr. Zayed we have evidence that the eviction order was served here 2 weeks ago, meaning you and your wife will leave this property either way today. Now if you excuse us'' We walked into the apartment the bailor taking the lead and me between the two security guys.

''You don't have the right! This is trespassing!'''Zayed became more and more aggressive by de minute we were there.

''No, it's not the lease you have on this property has been ended by Han and the eviction notice became active yesterday, meaning YOU have no right to be here anymore. Now, where is your wife, Mr. Zayed? She has to leave as well.''

''My wife is not here, she's with her family.''

''Then I advise you to call her and tell her she has to come back within an hour to pick up her most essential items. Because after that she will not be able to access her property without permission from your landlord Han.''

'' HAHAHAHA I'm not going to call my wife because we will not leave, UNDERSTOOD!'' Zayed growled in his deep voice, while he contracted his great muscles making them even bigger than they already were.

''NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! OR I WILL KICK YOU OUT MYSELF!!!'' Zayed was furious raging against the bailor, the two security men were already standing between him and the bailor to prevent an escalation while I stood quietly in the corner.

''What did we ever do wrong?! My wife is a hard-working woman. I'm a hardworking businessman. We're just trying to live a normal life. You are just some racist white ass low-life fuckers! Now get lost!''

''Oh shut the hell up Zayed! You're not a hardworking businessman, you're a sad profiteer! And you and Daneen are not living a ''normal life'' you immerse yourself in luxury, you can't pay for that lifestyle! I pay that lifestyle Zayed, me not you! But not anymore! You're one thing... a LOW LIFE CROOK!''

Did I actually say that to him? I've never said something so angry in my life. I was just overstressed by the whole situation. The whole room became silent for a moment. Zayed looked at me, his eyes filled with rage.

''What did you say about me, Han? Zayed said calmly.''

''I...Uhm...''

''YOU LITTLE MADE-IN-CHINA-BITCH I WILL BREAK YOU INTO PIECES!!!'' Zayed shouted as he rushed toward me!

''No, you won't! ''The bailor said. As the two security men gripped Zayed and hold him still. ''I see you are not going to be cooperative Mr. Zayed well that's fine we have other options. Are you ready Han?'' The bailor placed a small round silver disc on Zayed's neck.

''UGH WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?! LET ME GO!!!''

At that moment I placed the one I got earlier from the bailor on my neck. ''I'm ready'', I said to the bailor. We both activated the discs.

''Just a quick question how long does this takeeeeee..... ''

''Oh Wow!'' I said now in a deep rich baritone voice. ''It worked this is so strange! Why do I feel a little foggy? Is that normal? Damn, look how hairy my arms are!''

''Yes, that is completely normal. It may happen that you are not yet completely settled in your new body. We see that more often. Especially if there is a big difference between the two parties such as gender, age difference, or, as in your case, a completely different body type. Don't forget that in just a few seconds you have grown a lot taller and gained a lot of weight. Zayed's body is a huge difference from your own body, it takes some time to get used to it.''

''My goodness, you can certainly say that. I see you had no money to pay the rent or a razor Zayed. Damn, you've practically got a fur pelt Zayed! I mean I'm now stuck with this sweaty fur pelt. You should have kept that shit in check, oh man who wants to be so hairy? This body certainly needs a lot of proper grooming.Like I good shave.''

Han took a whiff under his new hairy armpits. ''An a bath! Wow, that's intense.'' Han knew he now had the stench of a real manly man but there were limits to how musky a person should be. Think it's because of the huge amount of testosterone rushing through this body. ''Oh, fuck I feel so horny! I'm sorry I said that out loud? I've never had such strong sexual impulses.''

''Han, try to stay calm and close to yourself. I know this is all a lot at the moment, but try not to drown in that new body of yours. I'm going to talk to Zayed in your body about a payment agreement for the overdue rent. Can you stand there calmly while I talk to him?''

''Yeah, well, I try..'' Han said with a grin, posing and flexing in the mirror. Admiring himself with his buff muscles. Han took his time to inspect his body. It was also surreal, the feeling of his beard and his pecs covered in itchy hair as he scratched his hairy chest. '' I have to admit I kind of starting to like this all this hair. Hair everywhere except on place.'' Han said as he swept his large hand over his naked scalp. ''I don´t even miss my hair, it always took me hours to style my hair.''

Han stroked his beard, ''Oh man this feels good I'm keeping this one for sure but maybe the body hair is a little bit too much for my husband. Wait why do I even care so much about what my husband thinks of my hairy buff body. If the body hair is a deal-breaker, then that's his loss. It doesn't bother me. I'm now a manly man after all, and men have lots of body hair. Besides, it would grow back as quickly as this beard if I did shave it, and I'm not willing to deal with that daily struggle.

Han gave his new crotch a subtle grope and shove his hand inside his slip. ''Oh, damn Zayet has been circumcised!'' Han was intrigued to find out his new cock was considerably larger than his hand. If my lovely husband doesn't like my hairy glory, I can probably convince him to accept it and bottom for good in exchange for these Arabic crown jewels. Han smirked at his reflection in triumph as he played with his large balls inside his pants. Taking in his overtly manly body.

''Han when you're done admiring yourself in the mirror do you have time to wrap up this case?'', the bailor said.

Han turned around seeing the bailor standing next to his old body. I was still getting used to this out-of-a-body-experience but Zayet in my body seemed pretty relaxed under the circumstances, like it seemed to care him little.

‘’I talked to Mr. Zayed about the outstanding rental debt. The amount due consisting of £ 10,525 rental arrears including legal fees. Mr. Zayed has indicated that he and his wife will not be able to immediately repay the amount owed. But is willing to give his body to you in exchange for the cancellation of the entire debt. Han, if you accept this proposal from Mr. Zayed it means that Mr. Zayed can no longer make any claims on his previous body and vice versa. That body will be your property. Han for you it means you can't recover any costs anymore from Mr. Zayed. Do you both understand this?’’

‘’I accept the proposal’’ I said while stroking soft belly hair. ‘’I'm sorry it had to get to the point where I had to claim your body Zayed. But in retrospect, I'm glad you caused all of these problems because I love this body. I really do. You really lost something great Zayed.’’

''Yes, I know. It's a big transition for both of us. It's strange to be so small, slender, and above all hairless. And I can't help but touch my hair with every mirror I see. Is this an Asian thing or something? Because you really spend a lot of time on it.'' Zayed said while fixing his hair and suit.

''Nah it's more of a Gaysian thing, the urge of checking your hair is probably just muscle memory.''

''Oh that's great'', Zayed said with a light sarcastic tone.

''Okay now that we agree on that, we still have to arrange it on paper'', the bailor said. ''Yes of course give me a minute, said Han as he walked into the bedroom of Zayed. 5 minutes later Han walked out of the bedroom wearing a full suit.

''You're wearing my suit?''

''Yeah. I didn't think you'd mind... under the circumstances. Because all your clothes are way too big for you now. But for me... it's a perfect fit. You got some nice stuff in your closet. Now I understand where my rent went. Not my style, but for now it will do.''

''Now let's sign this contract and end this nightmare.''

We both set our signatures under the contract making it official. I may didn't got the money but this body was I good alternative. I walked to Zayed, again checking his hair in the mirror, ugh did I really did that for all those years?

''Zayed I'm glad we have settled the problem of the debt but think you still understand that doesn't change anything. I still want you out of this property today and you and your wife will leave with your stuff do you understand me.''

''Uhm yes... of course I will take the most essential things and will collect the other stuff later'', Zayed said.

''Good.''

Oh my God, the poor little fellow is shaking. Can't blame him who wouldn't feel intimidated by a man who looks and sounds like me. This huge hairy body with its deep baritone voice and masculine musk will be a good advantage for me at the firm. This body naturally demands respect and it radiates dominance. I always had a boss mentality but now I also have a boss body. It just works. I tried to take a selfie to send to my husband which wasn't easy with these fingers or to fit into the frame. And send home the following message:

- Han :

We made a deal. We may have lost £ 10.000 but I will give you 10.001 Arabian lustful nights babe! Waiting for you at home you know where ;)

Zayed had left and the keys were handed over. Han finally got his property back and went home to surprise his husband and to take a bath.

The nightmare called Zayed was finnaly over ... right?

*Outside the apartment complex*

''Zayed is that you? What have they done to you ?!''

''Calm down, babe. It went as I expected that faggot of an Asian claimed my body. You should have seen him cultivating for himself when he got into my body. He's probably sticking my big dick up that husband's ass right now. It's like I said when I offered him my body, he was more than willing to take it in exchange for our debt. I mean I get it my body is the wet dream of every man and woman. Just look what I got now, it's a huge downgrade especially down there.''

''But why did you do it, Zayed?!''

''Don't you understand babe. My head was increasingly known as a con man. People just didn't trust me that quickly anymore and therefore didn't buy it anymore. A tall, bald, bearded, strong, hairy, masculine man is descriptive of a scammer these days. So I had to get a new appearance a look that makes people feel safe... and vulnerable. Our former landlord Han was just the perfect target. Who would ever suspect a little gay Asian man of scamming them? Hahaha, it's a brilliant plan and those idiots fell for it!''

''So you're gay now Zayed? What does that mean for me?!''

''Nah Babe I'm still straight as an arrow, only a shorter arrow. Luckily the sexuality stays the same. But with this annoying hair, it's not hard to convince people otherwise. But first, we need to start a new business. It's time to cash in babe.''

"What kind of business Zayed?"

''Let me check something out first.''

...

''Yeah just what I thought seems like Han hasn´t changed his bio on the rental sites he uses, like his old profile picture. I can even see which properties he rents out, some nice stuff babe. So what would you say to play landlords for a little bit of time? Now let´s pay a visit to ''our'' tenants first. Because when they open their doors all they see is their sweet little gaysian landlord Han, telling them to pay the rent to a new bank account... ours.''

#male body swap #Asian x Arab #menofcolorswitchbodiestoo

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mielesis · 3 years

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Hiya! Uhm so I believe Apollo is reaching out to me however he is the first ever deity to really reach out with me and I’m not sure where I should start or do and I was wondering if you had any tips or ideas?

[English is not my first language, I am a self-taught person, please understand this goes with my greatest effort from the bottom of my heart and will probably spend hours writing this very carefully for you, thank you <3]

Hi dear, of course, I will be pleased to help you

“I believe Apollo is reaching out to me”

I am deeply happy to hear that, I bet he is -for sure- trying to reach out to you and -I must say- it is truly wonderful to start recieving signs from deities, specially from Apollo as the first deity since he’s really sweet and caring for his children.

“I’m not sure where I should start or do and I was wondering if you had any tips or ideas?” Of course, it is always a pleasure to help.

So let’s start with the basics:

Research ! I recommend you to research about him as much as you can (e.g stories, domains, symbols, offerings, etc.) with that done, it will be easier for you to spot more signs. Research sometimes is the best way to connect with a deity and also that allows you to let them know you are interested in them as well.

Whenever you feel ready for the next step, I suggest you to tell him properly that you accept him in your life, this can be done by making a playlist, writing, playing an instrument, drawing, etc in his honor (e.g if you chose a playlist, set the intention that the playlist itself is going to be in Apollo’s honor, made with particular songs that reminded you of him or his energy only), I consider that it is important to present yourself as well ! he presented himself to you but you haven´t yet so you can talk to him mentally or out loud (or even when doing something in his honor) and tell him your name and about what you like to do, how you felt with the signs, etc. In my opinion that is a wonderful activity to do.

Again, only when you feel ready and sure about it, you can begin to create his altar (it can be physical or digital, don´t worry) and it is not necessary to be aesthetically pleasing or buy super expensive things because your altar will be the place where you will leave offerings to Apollo, sincere offerings coming from the bottom of your heart (e.g play a song from spotify that reminded you of him, a flower you picked up from the park, a drawing you made thinking of him, etc.) Therefore every altar is unique, we all make the devotional acts we feel good with and we know that will connect us with Apollo in some way or another. In the case you don’t know where to start with the physical altar, I suggest you to choose a place you feel good with and clean it physically and spiritually, I always tend to choose the north but you can choose any other direction. After you have that done, you can place a table or use a desk, a box, whatever you want or already have that you can use. Choose the things you would like to fill your altar with, (e.g a yellow candle, statue/pictures of Apollo, an offering bowl or anything that could complete the same function, sun/lyre/sunflower imagery, etc.) and then you will be filling it with more offerings such as poetry, drawings, music pieces, medicinal plants, etc. because Apollo usually make his children re-connect with art, joy and self-care, medicine principally.

About the devotional acts you can do for him, I will leave you a list:

- Say goodmorning/goodnight to him

- Sunflowers

- Bay leaves

- Humming/ singing a song you like (it doesn´t matter if you don´t sing on tune, he will be happy with you performing in his honor)

- Writing poetry or spoken word

- Playing an instrument

- Reading his myths to him

- Take care of yourself !! he loves when his children take their medicines or care about their health in general

- Take a walk under the sun

- Talk about him

- Make him a playlist

- Bake some lemon/orange/honey cookies

- Apples

- Honey

- Sun water

- Olive oil

- Lyre/archery imagery

- A swan decoration

- Donate to local artists

- Take a mini first aid kit with you

- Listen music you love next to his altar

- Dance in his honor !! (again, it doesn´t matter if you don´t know how to dance, just move, jump, move your hands, whatever you feel comfortable with but - feel the music, free your body- he will love that !!

- Leave him some sunstones and crystals related to him

- Read about him, research about him, talk about him, he loves when his children give him attention hehe

- Give him chocolate (other devotees agree he likes it)

- Hydratate yourself !!

- Always treat yourself with kindness

Now it´s time to list the ways deities can use to communicate with us:

- Thoughts, sometimes deities will reply to you through your own mind as crazy as it sounds !! you only have to trust your intuition as well

- Dreams, if you dream about Apollo or any symbol related to him, a message or something you feel it was from him, believe in it !!

- Meditations, some deities use meditation to communicate with us, as well as in dreams, they send us images, symbols, words, etc.

- Pendulum (I personally don´t practice it yet) but you can search here on tumblr

- Tarot, same as the pendulum, sorry I can´t provide you properly information about this one

- Candles flames, this was the second connection I had with him and how he told me to take care about my lungs, it is really easy to learn but also have to believe in your own intuition !!

- Animals/symbols/songs/etc, sometimes Apollo connects with his children through animals or songs, he usually sends crows

- Emotions, in my personal experience I had something called “emotional numbness”, I couldn´t feel any joy nor sadness, I was like a robot but since I connected with Apollo (and also did my shadow work !!) I feel happiness in everything, I go out and feel deeply happy under the sun, I re-connected with art and even overcomed my major depressive episode, so yes, Apollo is really caring and sweet with his children

- People, sometimes deities connect with us through other people, specially healing people, happy people, etc or even a stranger who feels the necessity to give or tell us something that can be considered as a message from Apollo

I think I wrote everything I wanted you to know !!

I hope this was helpful to you and as a final advice: do as you feel like it, everyone is unique and will recieve unique signs, at unique times. I wish you the best in this new journey !! and I’d for sure love to have an update from you !

With lots of love,

Miel <3

#apollo devotee #apollo devotion #apollo worship #apollo #apollo deity #deity worship #deity #hellenic worship #hellenic pantheon #hellenic devotion

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iamtheblondestblonde · 4 years

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Temptation

AN: I... I don’t even know what to say except for I’m so sorry? We had some tech issues at work today and I had this idea while I waited and it didn’t fit with Slides so here’s some plot with porn at the end with Mat? I wrote this in first person narrative but there’s no name or description in it. Also this is my first time writing anything like this and I didn’t spend much time proof-reading so please don’t judge too harshly

AN 2: I wrote a sequel called No Control and you can find it here so please check it out!!

Word count: 7.4k (things escalated what can I say..)

Warnings: cursing and smut, like really explicit content

He was only wearing a towel. Again. Seeing him walking around in nothing but shorts was already bad enough but this was on a whole other level.

When Mat had first invited me to come with him to his lake house by Vancouver to wait this mess out I had been thrilled. Fancy lake house overlooking the water with my best friend definitely sounded better than stuffy Brooklyn apartment in a city crammed with thousands of people infected.

Thankfully my online classes made the journey across the country possible and I only had to fly back for a short while to take my final exams. This wasn’t really how I envisioned my summer after graduating college but it could be worse I guess.

As I took a look at him all glistening wet from his shower on his way over to me by the kitchen island, I felt like I was trapped in an episode of temptation island or something like that.

Neither of us had expected this lockdown to last this long and almost two months of being holed up together was starting to take its toll. I’d known for a fact that I’d go batshit crazy if I were to stay with my own family or my crazy roommate though so his offer had truly been godsend. With the fancy club I usually waitressed at closed there was no way I’d be able to pay for my rent either, so I’d given my landlord my notice, put everything that I wouldn’t take with me in storage and followed Mat across the country.

His family was supposed to be up here with us and that way I’d have his sister as a distraction, but they’d decided to stay in the city, meaning it was only Mat and I. And my sexual frustration.

It didn’t help that my quarantine buddy looked like a fucking Greek god either. Any nun would probably go for him as well, frustrated or not. And I was definitely not a nun.

“Do you want to go paddle boarding after breakfast? The water shouldn’t be too cold today with the sun out.”

I looked out through the large floor to ceiling windows at Mat’s question, I’d been so distracted by him running around practically naked that I hadn’t even noticed that for the first time in three days there were almost no clouds visible. With May well underway British Columbia was apparently finally getting ready for summer.

“Yeah let’s do it. I still have to respond to a couple of emails before we leave tho.”

He took a look over my shoulder at my laptop, water droplets from his hair falling down my neck making me squirm.

“You’re getting me all wet”, I huffed before giving him a shove. Not thinking about the way his muscular shoulders felt underneath my fingers at all. Definitely not thinking about that. Nope.

“You’re the first girl I’ve ever heard complain about that you know?” He winked at me before throwing his head back in laughter as I flipped him off. The flirty banter that had been going on between us ever since we met almost two years ago wasn’t really helping my case either.

I was convinced the only reason why we hadn’t hooked up yet was terrible timing. We’d met at a time when both of us were seeing others and by the time we both were single again the previous months of platonic friendship had set our relationship in stone, never allowing for anything more than playful flirting and teasing. I’d thought about it for a couple of times, because honestly who wouldn’t with the way he looked?

Mat filled a cup with coffee and grabbed some of the breakfast I’d prepared before pulling out the chair next to me, looking at me expectantly. I was still munching on the remainder of my overnight oats so it took me a couple of seconds to swallow before I could ask what the hell he was waiting for.

“For you to finish whatever it is that you need to do. I have nothing else to do”

“I can’t concentrate with you hovering over me like this. Go work out or something.”

Mat had a really nice gym set up in one of the rooms and let me tell you if I had to pick one place to plank for the rest of the life, it would definitely be in there so I could at least watch the calming water while I died such a slow painful death.

“I already worked out, that’s why I just got out of the shower.”

“Well then put some fucking clothes on, you’re not some cave man who can get away with only wearing a loincloth”, I exclaimed, slowly getting flustered with him in such close proximity while knowing that one tuck could expose him completely. He cackled but got up nevertheless, making his way back towards his bedroom.

“Me being naked is yet another thing no one has ever complained about either, you wound me.”

“I’m sure Tito would disagree!”, I yelled, desperate to have the last word so I could at least keep some semblance of control in this situation. I could hear him laugh all the way from the other end of the house and quickly shook my head so I could finally get some things sorted out before he got back.

With the way the sun was shining right now I could probably get away with wearing only a t shirt over my swimsuit, which was a lot better than the full-on wetsuit we’d donned whenever we’d spent our time doing any water activities over the past few weeks. Although Mat in a wetsuit was truly a sight to see, with the way the fabric clung to him so tight that you could see every ridge of his muscles underneath.

I hustled through my emails, ready to relax for the day. Perhaps I could even start on my summer tan already, being out on the water always sped things up. Thankfully I’d bothered to bring lots of clothes and a bit of online shopping had closed any gaps that I had in my wardrobe, this bikini being one of the new acquirements as well. It was super cute and my butt looked really good in it and it would look even better once I finally got my tan going.

Mat was already lounging on the couch in the living room, scrolling through his phone and looking annoyingly perfect as ever. I knew for a fact that he hadn’t done anything with his hair and it looked so soft that I just wanted to push my hands through it. And pull it until he groaned.

“That one’s new”, he immediately said once he lifted his gaze to look at me, pulling me out of my fantasies. I hadn’t put my shirt on yet so he was getting the full view of me in the bikini, which might have been on purpose. I knew that quarantine must be getting to him as well and he wasn’t the only one that could be a tease.

I nodded, biting my lip before twirling around so he could get all angles. “You like?”

This bikini was a little bit skimpier than the ones he’d seen me in before and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn’t as relaxed at the sight as he pretended to be. Finally.

We grabbed our paddles and boards and slowly made our way out on the water. It still took me a couple of minutes to find my balance, no matter how many times I’d done this before but eventually I managed, Mat now slightly ahead of me. If I had my phone with me I would definitely take pictures of him right now, they’d be outdoor magazine worthy.

“Come on slow poke, what’s keeping you?”, he yelled over his shoulder and I was tempted to splash him but I already knew that that would end up in a fight I couldn’t possibly win so I only stuck my tongue out before working to catch up.

At first we kept close to the shore but eventually we slowly made our way out farther onto the lake, laying down on our boards to enjoy the gentle up and down of the water. The sun was hotter than anticipated so both Mat and I ended up taking off our shirts and using them as pillows instead. I closed my eyes to keep me from staring at him, instead relishing in the way the sun warmed my face.

“This is what life should always be like”, Mat sighed contently, breaking the comfortable silence.

“You’d miss hockey eventually. You belong on the ice.”

“Probably. But right now I’m not missing a thing ‘cause I got everything I need right here.”

I didn’t want to look at him out of fear of what I might see on his face, only giving him an affirmative hum instead.

“You’re seriously the best”, Mat sighed after emptying his drink yet again. I had decided that tonight would be taco night and made some margaritas to accompany them, both of us a couple of glasses in by now. It honestly could be a Tuesday but who even knows anymore. I was convinced that at least part of the reason why Mat had asked me to come with him was because he liked my food so much, especially when I cooked Mexican.

The sun was setting over the lake and we were sitting outside on the porch so we could watch the sun set above the water, music playing quietly in the background. He reached for the pitcher and I grabbed the golf club leaning against the sofa we were currently sharing, even though there was lots of space to lounge elsewhere.

Now I didn’t really like golfing, in fact I thought it was among the most boring sports to watch and not much better to play, but I did like to swing at the ball as hard as I could. I’d found some golf balls that would dissolve into food for the fish so for the last couple of hours Mat and I had taken turns in trying to get the ball as far as possible, both of us with a subpar form that only got worse after every margarita.

“No you need to rotate your hips along with the swing”, Mat commented and I threw him a look over my shoulder.

“You’re not much better you know.”

“Yeah but I’m also stronger than you so I can hit harder.”

“I’m not sure if that’s how it works Matty.”

For my next swing I made sure to exaggeratedly turn my hips with the movement, causing me to lose balance of course. In a split second Mat was there, his big hands resting on either side of my hips so I wouldn’t fall.

“Good reflexes”, I giggled, letting my head drop back onto his shoulder so I could look up at him, our eyes locking in an intense stare. He was standing so close to me that I could feel his breath fan across my neck it was very tempting to take the little step that was needed for me to be pressed against him completely. I knew I shouldn’t be thinking about him like this, but the alcohol wasn’t exactly helping.

I could see him swallow hard, closing his eyes for a second before reluctantly letting go of me. “It’s what they pay me millions for you know.”

“Cocky little shit.” And just like that we fell back into our old rhythm again. I pushed any and all dirty thoughts out of my mind and instead focused back on my golf swing.

With every sip I felt myself relax more, the amount of alcohol in the second pitcher definitely stronger than in the first. I knew that Mat felt the effect of the alcohol as well by now, the way his gaze would turn unfocused from time to time giving him away.

I gave him a curious glance when he got up, knowing for a fact that him with a golf club would be a dangerous combination if he tried anything right now. To my surprise he walked over to the box where all the blankets were stashed, pulling out the fluffy grey one that I liked most before spreading it across both of our legs. He surprised me even further when he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close to his side so I could rest my head on his chest. While behavior like this wasn’t completely unusual for the two of us, it had been a while since we last cuddled. It was as if Mat had been careful to not get too close up until this point, his resolve now gone.

“You know, I really like knowing things and learning how stuff works, but sometimes I just wanna be a kid again who doesn’t have a clue. I remember how I used to think that every star was a little fairy like the ones in Tinkerbell or something, I don’t know. The world used to be so full of wonders and now it’s all science this psychology that, you get me?” I listened to him ramble, the alcohol making him stumble on his words a couple of times as he tried to figure out how to properly articulate himself. I’d listened to his drunk thoughts for years now, still amazed at his ability to get all philosophical out of apparently nowhere.

“Kinda yea, but I also think there’s still lots of wonders left, some of them having to do with science. Why do comatose patients wake up? What must it feel like as a surgeon to be able to give someone a new heart, a new life? How can we know so much and yet still be wrong so many times? So the way I see it there’s still wonders, you just got to know where to look”, I finished my rant, looking up only to see Mat intently staring down at me. This wasn’t our first drunk real talk, but the way I was wrapped in his arms somehow made it feel more personal.

“By the way, I think I got lucky because I wasn’t even looking and yet I still somehow ran into you”, I continued, needing him to understand his importance to me all of the sudden. He’d truly been my rock over the past few months, keeping me from going insane as I approached the final stretch of my senior year. He’d reminded me to take care of myself and practically forced me to whenever I didn’t.

I couldn’t even count the amount of times I’d crashed at his place because my roommate was having some kind of crazy rager in our apartment, effectively making it impossible to study. He’d even offered up his spare bedroom once he moved into his new apartment but I declined because I wouldn’t be able to afford the rent at this place and I wasn’t about to leech off of him when I had other options.

“You are my wonder too, you know. I couldn’t have wished for a more supportive friend.” I smiled up at him, drunk happiness mixed with genuine love for the guy that had slowly turned into the most important person in my life. We’d come quite far.

It didn’t take long until the both of us were yawning so frequently that it was impossible to keep up a conversation, quickly gathering everything so we could go back inside. I hadn’t even realized how cold it had gotten until Mat’s arm dropped from my shoulder and my legs were exposed again from underneath the blanket.

“You wanna have a sleepover?”, Mat asked grinning at me cheekily while walking across the living room. Never one to say no to cuddling with Mat, even before all this quarantine horniness, I nodded before dashing off to my room to get ready.

Mat was already snuggled under the covers and he lifted up one side as soon as he saw me getting closer. He liked to be the big spoon and because that was one of the best feelings in the world I basically let him do whatever until he deemed our sleeping position comfortable. He’d definitely pulled me a little tighter than he usually did, our bodies now practically touching from head to toe.

He’d tangled up one of his legs with mine and my back was flush to his chest, his face nuzzled into the back of my neck. He had wrapped one arm around my waist so even if I wanted to leave or move, I wouldn’t be able to. It was like a big perfect Mat cocoon.

As I laid there listening to his breathing slowing down I thought back to what Mat had said on the paddle board a couple of days ago, about how he had everything he needed right here with him. I knew that that wasn’t exactly true because he missed his family and even if he denied it I knew he missed hockey as well, but he’d also admitted to needing me with him and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel the same.

A few rays of sunshine had lit up Mat’s bedroom the next morning, but that wasn’t what had woken me up. Mat was calling for me from the ensuite bathroom and I could faintly make out the sound of water running.

“I need you to bring me your shampoo, I’m all out”, he yelled and I groaned before slowly rolling out of bed. In daylight I could make out the mess his room had become, clothes littering the floor and every other surface and I almost stumbled over a set of weights on my way out of the door.

I grabbed my shampoo out of my shower and even reached for the conditioner for good measure. His hair had gotten so long by now that it would surely appreciate the extra attention.

Making my way into the bathroom I was faced with a problem that I hadn’t thought of up until this point. The lake house was pretty new, meaning the interior design was cozy yet still modern. Meaning all bathrooms were equipped with big glass showers. Meaning that there was currently no shower curtain preventing me from seeing Mat fully naked in the shower.

I could close my eyes but I would 100% trip over his clothes that he’d strewn all across the bathroom floor so my only option was to try and keep my eyes up high. Keyword being ‘try’. At least he had his back turned to me but I was still mesmerized by the water running down his body and the way his back muscles rippled as he reached up to push his hair out of his face. And that ass..

I slowly approached the shower, praying that he wouldn’t turn around to face me but also kind of hoping he would. I opened the door a little bit so I could set the bottles down inside and thankfully he stayed put.

“Don’t put the conditioner on your roots or your hair will look greasy”, I said on my way out and even I could hear how breathless I sounded, the view having my thoughts run a mile a second.

As soon as I had the bathroom door closed I squeezed my eyes shut to try and regain my composure. The image of him in that shower was one I wouldn’t be able to get rid of for a long time. I couldn’t even take a cold shower to cool down because Mat had my stuff and he’d know something was up if I were to simply rinse myself off and I couldn’t exactly tell him that the sight of him naked had gotten me all hot and bothered.

So instead I decided to use all of my pent up energy to go on a run, hoping for the runner’s high to clear my thoughts. By the time I got back Mat was laying in the corner of the couch, an episode of The Office on the big flatscreen.

“We need to go to the store later”, I reminded him, knowing that I couldn’t walk in on him naked again without losing the little control I had left in my body. He nodded and then looked me up and down and for a second I was embarrassed. Even with only wearing running shorts and a sports bra I was still drenched in sweat, probably looking disgusting.

At least he’d put my stuff back so I could finally shower in peace, my thoughts still wandering back to earlier this morning. I wouldn’t have turned him down before all of this shit started but now that I only had my own hands and trusted toy to take care of myself, I was borderline desperate. Two months without sex was the longest dry spell I’d had in years and I couldn’t imagine Mat feeling any different. I knew from firsthand experience that he brought lots of girls home as well. Perhaps he needed something to happen as much as I did.

It was hard to believe that his shampoo had just been empty all of a sudden without him noticing first and then there was the fact that for the past few days he’d been parading around the house in only his boxers or towels.

Two can play this game, I thought to myself, pulling on a comfy shirt and some tight booty shorts, foregoing a bra which he was bound to notice because of how it stretched over my chest.

I pretended not to notice how Mat almost choked on the sip of water he’d just taken as I made my way into the living room, walking over to the kitchen to grab my own bottle. Even if I couldn’t see it to confirm, I was pretty sure that he was staring at my ass as soon as I turned away from him. For good measure I even made sure to lie down with my head in his lap, murmuring something about how he’d taken up the best spot so he really left me no other choice.

The first few minutes he didn’t move an inch, resembling a statue. I knew that he could feel my boobs pressed against his thigh and I made sure to shift a couple of times to make sure before placing one of my hands on his thigh. Eventually he relaxed and even went as far as to rest one of his hands on top of my hand, slowly moving his fingers through the tangles in my still wet hair. When he accidently pulled at a few strands I let out a content sigh while simultaneously digging my nails into his thigh out of habit. I pretended to not hear him groan lightly and instead gave him the most insincere apology of my life, thoughts now definitely elsewhere.

I was royally screwed. Or actually I wasn’t, and that was becoming a big problem.

I’d made it my personal mission to get a reaction out of him as much as I could. Mat was the same, I hadn’t seen him wearing a shirt in days. It was like this competition to see who could make the other one snap first. Currently I was making breakfast in nothing but a shirt and my panties. Granted, the shirt went to my mid-thighs because I’d stolen it from Mat a couple of months ago but still.

One of my upbeat playlists was playing over the speaker system and I was dancing around in front of the stove, careful to not let the our breakfast burn.

“What a sight to wake up to”, I heard Mat’s voice behind me and his hoarse morning voice did things to me I would never admit out loud. I gave him a cheeky grin over my shoulder and wiggled my butt for good measure as my favorite part of the song came on.

“Can you set the table? Breakfast is almost ready”, I asked and he nodded before moving to grab everything. We’d gotten our morning routine down to a t by now and I couldn’t help the warmth that spread in my chest at seeing him do something so domestic. Our friendship had certainly evolved since practically moving in here together. It would actually be weird to not have him around constantly once all of this was over.

The day continued like most of the days before, us lounging on the couch after working out together for a while. It was something we’d made a habit a while ago. His trainer knew that I was with him so he’d give Mat tandem exercises from time to time or he’d ask me to take videos so he could make sure that Mat’s form was okay. I certainly didn’t mind the view.

Mat was always hot of course but there was something to be said about the way he looked after a workout, all flushed and just downright delicious. It was definitely a great motivation to join him in the gym.

This time I had managed to snatch the corner seat and I was sprawled out on the couch, Mat’s head resting on my stomach. While I’d managed to put on some shorts he was of course still shirtless and I’d given in to temptation long ago, my fingers now slowly running across his back. He had one of his arms thrown across my stomach, hand resting on my hip and drawing slow circles on the little patch of skin that had been exposed when my shirt had ridden up. While cuddling wasn’t unusual between the two of us, this was certainly new territory, the show we’d been watching kind of forgotten by now.

“Use your nails”, Mat pleaded and his voice was so raw that I would’ve done anything he asked of me at this point. He let out a groan when I softly raked my nails across his back and I was glad that he couldn’t see my face right now. There was a spot on the left side of his back that would cause him to shudder slightly, goosebumps spreading quickly. I found myself watching him in awe, fascinated by the reaction I could get out of him by such a simple act.

I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what kind of damage I could do if I really worked for it.

It finally happened a couple of nights later after yet another day filled with sexual tension so thick that you could probably cut it with a knife.

Mat helped me clean up after dinner, music playing to help speed things up. I was in charge of taking care of the leftovers while he cleaned up everything else. Obviously I was done before him and since he refused to let me help him I hopped on top of the kitchen counter, making casual conversation while watching him put stuff in the dishwasher.

“This is my jam!”, he exclaimed, quickly wiping his hands clean before motioning for me to come dance with him. I shook my head while laughing, which only led to him grabbing me and lifting me off the counter so I would join him.

His moves were ridiculous, arms kind of just flapping around. I knew that he could dance if he wanted to, we’d been to our fair share of clubs together but right now he definitely wasn’t trying. He held his hand out for me and with a laugh I accepted, letting him spin me around as he wished. The third time while he was spinning me back towards him he pulled a little to hard though and whether it was on accident or not I ended up almost smacking into him, only stopping myself by placing my other hand on his chest.

Both of us were a little out of breath by now and any laughter died down as he wrapped both of his arms around me, pulling me even closer. I looked up at him, gripping onto his shoulder with the other hand. Mat looked down at me with an unreadable expression. We both stared at each other for a couple of seconds, trying to figure out what the other one was thinking at the moment. How had things gone from him twerking to Lizzo to this?

He gulped heavily before bringing one of his hands up to cup my face, ripping me out of my trance. His gaze was flickering between my lips and my eyes and he leaned in a little closer, yet still waiting for me to take the final step. Deciding to throw all caution to the wind I moved my hand to his neck, finally pulling him down to where I wanted him.

When our lips met it was as if everything was falling into place. The kiss started out slow, both of us still kind of figuring out what the hell was going on without scaring the other off. As soon as he realized that I wasn’t going to push him off of me he kissed me back with the determination that he showed in every other aspect of his life. His hands started wandering, first sliding down lower on my back before he moved them to my side, tightly gipping my hips.

I let out a light moan and he used the chance to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue inside my mouth. He tasted like home and I willingly let him walk me backwards until I could feel the kitchen counter behind me, grateful for the leverage it would give me. He surprised me by lifting me back up on it and then pushing himself between my legs, gripping my thighs.

Eventually I did have to come up for air but Mat apparently didn’t concur to the basic laws of biology because he moved straight to my neck, sucking and biting gently until I was sure that goosebumps covered every square inch of my body. I knew I should stop and think about what was going on right now but I really didn’t want to, so instead I just dove right back into another toe curling kiss. Kissing him had quickly become one of my favorite things and I wanted, no I needed more.

“Mat, wait…”, I murmured against his mouth and he immediately took a step back, looking up at me with an expectant look. I could tell that he thought he’d done something wrong, when in reality it was the exact opposite.

“I want you but I don’t know if the kitchen counter is the right place for that.”

As soon as my words registered with him he groaned, burying his face in my neck.

“Then let’s get you somewhere comfortable… for now”, he teased and the wink he gave me told me that we’d definitely continue this in here another time. I let him lift me down, following behind him as he pulled me towards his bedroom with an urgency that I had only seen in games so far. He was pretty laid-back usually but I could tell that I’d riled him up over the past few days or weeks really.

It seemed like Mat couldn’t hold out until he got me onto his bed though, instead pushing me against the door and leaning down to kiss me again, pushing one of his thighs in between my legs. He fumbled around for a while before finally hitting the right light switch, making the room glow in soft yellow lighting.

His lips were addicting and even when he moved back I didn’t let him, chasing after him for another kiss. Using one of his hands to brace himself the other was slowly pushing up the fabric of my shirt. That wasn’t enough for me so I quickly moved to pull it off. I wasn’t wearing a bra and he cursed as soon as he saw my exposed chest, taking his time to look me up and down.

“So beautiful”, he murmured in awe before moving in again, one of his hands cupping my breast. I let out a moan when he started playing with my nipple which only seemed to spur him on further. I was so turned on already and he hadn’t even done much yet.

Determined to change up the power dynamics I pushed at his chest and he took a step back with a confused look, probably wondering if he’d done something wrong. Confusion turned into amazement as he watched me kiss down his chest before finally sinking down to my knees in front of him.

I took my time kissing his abs and mouthing along the ‘V’ that disappeared into his pants. I could see him straining against his shorts, impressed by what I could make out through the fabric. When I licked along his waistline he let out a beautiful groan and I decided I’d had teased him enough, finally hooking my fingers into his shorts and pulling them down along with his boxers. Him being shirtless already certainly made it easier to get him naked.

I watched his dick spring free, bouncing against his abs and looking absolutely delicious. He was impressively long but it was the girth that truly wowed me, finally making me understand all of the girls that came back time after time.

I gripped his thigh with one hand and reached for his dick with the other, making him curse. When I gave the head a little kitten lick he threaded his hands into my hair, practically pushing me down on him so I’d give him more. I didn’t object, wrapping my mouth around him and taking as much of him as I could, my hand taking care of the rest. The filthy sounds he was letting out above me only making me more enthusiastic and I was pretty sure that he’d have little crescent marks on his thighs for the next few days from how I was digging my nails into his thigh. He didn’t seem to mind though, only moaning my name.

“Fuck, you look so good like that”, Mat murmured and I looked up to him watching me intently. I kept my gaze locked on his as I moved back to let him go, my hand continuing to stroke him but my mouth dropping down to suck at his balls. The moan he let out would have made any porn star jealous.

It didn’t take long for him to pull me off of him in a way that told me that he didn’t actually want to, both of us panting as if we’d just ran a marathon.

“You need to stop or I’m going to cum”, he let out, his hoarse voice turning me on so much that I was pretty sure I’d be dripping down my legs if it weren’t for the fact that I was still wearing some clothes.

“Would that be such a bad thing?”, I teased, grinning up at him, not being able to resist licking up the entire length of his shaft once more. He practically pulled me up to my feet after that, moving in for another searing kiss.

“I’ve wanted you for so long and there’s no way I’m gonna finish before we even started.” He started to push me back towards his bed, changing his mind halfway there as he bent down to pick me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. For the first time I was able to feel him press against me, the thin fabric of my shorts not really doing much and holy shit did he feel good. He sat down on the edge of his bed, me now straddling his lap and I couldn’t help but roll my hips against him, desperate for any friction at this point.

The both of us let out a simultaneous moan at that and Mat buried his face in my neck, slowly sucking along my collarbone. He gripped my waist, his big hands nearly encircling it entirely.

“You’re wearing too many clothes still”, he said with his lips moving against my skin, making me shudder yet again. I’d long lost count a long time ago.

“Then do something about it”, I responded, not really willing to move at this point. He quickly stood up with me still perched on top of him before turning the both of us around, dropping me down onto the middle of the mattress. Him throwing me around like I weighed nothing really did something to me and I looked up at him through hooded eyes, waiting for him to make the next move.

He didn’t disappoint, leaning down to trail kisses from my neck, mouthing along my boobs before finally moving to pull my shorts and panties off. He took his time, making sure to appreciate every new inch of skin that he’d just exposed on the way back up and the closer he got to my core the more I was squirming underneath him. I had been waiting for this for so long that I wasn’t sure if I could make it through another minute without him inside me.

“Mat please, I really need you”, I whined and I could see him smirk up at me from where he’d situated himself between my legs.

“Don’t worry I’ll make you feel so good baby.” Hearing him call me ‘baby’ only made things worse but he finally put me out of my misery when he ran one of his large beautiful fingers through my folds.

“Holy shit you’re so wet for me already”, he cursed and I was about to respond when he literally took my breath away by licking up my slit. I couldn’t help but arch off the bed, already so keyed up and he quickly threw one arm across me stomach, forcing me to stay still. He started out slow and I knew that he was only trying to egg me on further but his resolve didn’t last long and he soon dove in with a determination that had sounds coming out of my mouth that I’d never made before in my entire life.

He moved my legs to rest on his shoulders so he could have better access and because I really needed something to hold on to for dear life, I gripped his hair. He’d said a couple of times that it had gotten too long during this quarantine but I certainly wasn’t complaining now, using it as leverage. I could see him grind against the comforter, desperate for any kind of friction himself and it was the hottest thing I’d ever seen in my life.

He moved back a little and I was about to complain when he slowly pushed a finger inside of me, any words dying in my throat at the feeling. He lowered his mouth again, sucking hard on my clit and I moaned so loud that I was glad that we were alone in the house.

“More, Mat please”, I whispered and I almost couldn’t believe that he already had me begging. He groaned and the vibrations in combination of him pushing a second finger inside of me were almost too much. I was close and I knew that he could tell from the way my thighs were starting to shake, curling his fingers inside me until he finally found the spot that made me cum so hard with a scream that I could see stars. He brought me through it, still pushing in and out slowly when I finally returned back to earth, grinning up at me proudly after wiping his mouth on the inside of my thigh.

“That was so fucking hot”, he said and I laughed, throwing my arm over my eyes in embarrassment. I’d had my fair share of hookups as well but nobody had managed to make me feel this good. I could feel him move up my body, reaching for my arm so he could look me in the eyes again before leaning down for a kiss. I could taste myself on his lips and while kissing him was still amazing, it wasn’t enough anymore. Mat seemed to catch my drift because he rolled off of me, only to reach for his nightstand, feeling around for a bit before triumphantly holding up a foil packet.

Taking advantage of him on his back I moved to straddle his thighs, taking his cock in my hands once again. He bucked his hips involuntarily and I could tell that he needed this as much as I did at this point. I took the foil package from him, ripping it open with my teeth before rolling the condom down his shaft. He gripped my hips, helping me scoot up until I was positioned above him, holding him so I could slip the tip inside.

Both of us let out simultaneous groans when I finally sunk down on him, the stretch painful in the most delicious way. He gave me a couple of seconds to adjust but I wasn’t really willing to wait any longer, rolling my hips against him.

“Your pussy feels so good around me”, he panted as he helped guide me along with his hands while looking me deep in the eyes. His pupils were so blown at this point, his cheeks were flushed and he’d never looked better. I was a moaning mess above him and I wanted to remember the way his cock was dragging against my walls for the rest of my life. One of his hands still rested on my hip while his other grabbed my boob, twisting the nipple and making me moan even louder.

At one point he moved to sit up, our chests now pressed together. The new angle had my clit rub against his pelvic bone and I knew that I’d come again like this with no extra help needed. Mat moved to kiss my neck, sucking and biting so harshly that I was sure that there’d be marks there the next day, not that anybody besides us would be able to see them.

His groans had become more erratic as well and I knew that he probably wasn’t far behind me, my name constantly on his lips. One last drag against him had me arch into him with yet another earth-shattering orgasm, Mat doing his best to fuck me through it before turning us around so he was on top of me, using his hands to hold himself above me so he wouldn’t crush me.

He grabbed one of my legs and pushed it up to rest on his hip, thrusting into me with a force that had the headboard slam into the wall repeatedly. He felt so good that with every thrust I let out a little moan, still sensitive from my orgasm, which only seemed to spur Mat on even more. I was digging my nails into his back to the point where I was sure that there would be red streaks after but he didn’t seem to care at all, too lost in the moment. It didn’t take long before he threw his head back and I could feel him pulse inside me as he came, the most beautiful groan coming from his lips as he finally stilled inside me.

He crashed down on top of me, burying his face in my neck, both of us out of breath by now and covered in sweat. He was silent for a while until he caught me off guard when he started laughing.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just thinking.. we could’ve been doing that for weeks, I certainly wanted to.”

“I did too but I guess we’re both stupid.”

Now we were both laughing and Mat moved off of me so he could pull out, gripping the condom so it wouldn’t slip off. He threw it in the trash can in the corner before coming back, his hand outstretched for me to take.

“I guess we have some catching up to do then, starting right now with me and you in the shower”, he said with a wink and I couldn’t think of a time where I’d gotten out of bed faster.

#Mat Barzal #smut #nhl smut #hockey smut #Mat Barzal smut #mat barzal x reader #new york islanders #hockey writing #ice hockey #nhl #nhl imagine

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yandere-daze · 4 years

Note

How about Yandere Giorno w/ fem s/o who’s a stand user like at first she planning to escape then she get caught and that’s when she start to fight back, like almost the same thing like koichi did with yukako XD (episode 9) but of course he win the fight. That’s what it came out of my mind 👉🏻👈🏻

Ooooh I like it!! Thank you for the request!! <3

This ended up being way longer than I intended lol

Cut for length!

Yandere! Giorno with a stand-user s/o that tries to escape

You were tired, so very tired. Your body felt as if it was going to give out at any moment now. You were barely able to pay attention to the young man that was standing in front of you, your mind fading in and out of consciousness. The situation you were currently in was dire and you were absolutely overwhelmed. The blond-haired man in front of you seemed to notice your stressed-out state because his brows slightly furrowed as his face showed clear concern for you as he softly grasped your right hand.

“Is something wrong caro/cara? You look unwell”, his voice carried a hint of worry as he raised your hand a bit further up while moving his head in the opposite direction, his mouth soon making contact with the skin of your hand as he placed gentle kisses on the back of it. You felt your insides squirm uncomfortably as he trailed his lips lower, peppering kisses all over it before coming to a stop at your ring finger. He then looked up to stare directly into your eyes, a look on his face one could only describe as love-struck, as he then leaned down once again to place a final kiss on the golden ring adorning your finger. Giorno, your captor, closed his eyes and let out a hum in contempt before slowly letting go of your hand once again, taking back his own hand that carried the same ring as yours. As you let your hand fall down to your side once again, it felt heavier than ever, the figurative weight of the ring almost pulling you down and on your knees. You felt a knot form in your stomach as the reality of what the ring really implied settled in once again.

“Are you feeling better now y/n? It´s not good to be this stressed out on the happiest day of your life”. After a second of silence he then added;

“OUR life. After today we will never be apart again, I promise you.”

Yes, you knew how true his statement was, after all Giorno wasn´t one to make empty promises, he was always serious about what he said.

Just a few months ago, a blond-haired stranger promised you he would do anything to ensure your safety. Now, you were in the possessive arms of your “fiancé”, almost getting crushed from the sheer force of his protectiveness. You spent most of your days in a luxurious golden cage that he liked to call your home. You were never alone here, even when Giorno had to leave because of his work. Even though he never directly told you, you knew that there were guards loyal to him, hiding in the shadows. And though you weren´t ever able to see them, you could always feel their gazes on you, silently watching you from a distance. To say it was unnerving was an understatement. And of course, you weren´t allowed to leave. Oh, how desperately you wanted to leave! Giorno had mercilessly ripped you from your previous life, from your friends and family and you wanted to go back to the people you loved so dearly. But there was no reasoning with Giorno, he insisted that he took you in to protect you and to care for you, that he would never wish any harm onto you. And that he loved you. Oh, how often he had repeated these three simple words.

“I love you.”, he had whispered before knocking you out at the front door of your home.

“I love you.”, he had said before forcefully stealing your first kiss from you.

“I love you.”, he had proclaimed before going down on one knee and proposing to you.

You had had no chance to refuse in any of these scenarios, only being able to stare at him in fear as you stood motionlessly. In all of these moments, all you wanted to do was disappear from his sight and flee, never going back to him. How you wished that he had never noticed you that one fateful day when you grabbed a scoop of ice cream from your favorite parlor. You yearned for your freedom and the outside world but he seemed intent to keep you locked up. And as the day of your supposed wedding had grown closer and closer, you too had grown more and more desperate to escape. And one day when Giorno was off to work again, something truly bizarre had happened to you.

As you were blankly staring into the bathroom mirror, tears running down your face as you contemplated your hopeless situation, you suddenly heard a high-pitched screech. Whipping your head around, you weren´t able to see the source of the noise until you heard light scratching noises from the left shelf. Carefully making your way over there, you wondered what could possibly be in there. After all it should be impossible for anyone to get in here! Standing in front of the shelf you were surprised to see what looked like…. a bat? Only it was bigger by a good amount and the fur on it´s belly was littered with little heart symbols. Okay so that was definitely not normal. What was going on here? You were tempted to take a step back but as soon as you slightly moved your feet the bat looked down and promptly fluttered it´s wings before taking flight and… oh god it was heading towards you! What were you supposed to do here?? But while you were wondering about what to do, the bat flew right at you and landed on your shoulder as it lightly started to nuzzle your face. It´s soft fur slightly tickling you, you were once again thrown for a loop as it´s shape started to rapidly shift. It´s wings stretched out and grew longer while it´s head also changed size. It had happened so fast that it took you a moment to realize that it seemed like the strange bat-like creature had wrapped itself around you like a sort of cloak. But your earlier surprise couldn´t possibly compare to the pure shock you felt when you looked back into the mirror to see…nothing. Absolutely nothing. You were able to see the wall behind you and the shelf but it was as if you had completely disappeared, as if you were…. completely………invisible. Invisible?! Was that true?! If that truly was the case then could you possibly use this to your advantage to finally escape this cage you were in and go back home? You couldn´t help your excitement at the prospect that you started to jump up and down only to notice that all of your jumping hadn´t caused any kind of sound to appear. Walking back and forth you noticed that all of your steps were completely muted. It was as if you were a ghost of some kind. Wanting to test out this new strange “ability” of yours further, you headed out of the bathroom, noticing the little sound the handle made as you pressed it down, the door opening with a little screech. Huh. So only your steps seemed to be silent, all other sounds still occurred as they normally should. That was good to know. As you ventured out further, you decided to leave your room and headed into the hallway. Looking around, you saw one of the many maids that worked here in the mansion sweeping the floor while whistling a cheery tune. It aggravated you how these people could just carry on with their normal life and pretend nothing was wrong when they all knew that you were trapped here without your consent. They knew how you suffered, how often you had sleepless nights as you cried into your pillow, the one they had to wash, and yet they seemed not to care at all. If you were honest though, deep down you knew that they weren´t the ones to blame. That damn Giorno was. He took you from your old life without any concerns and shook of your cries and complaints as if you were just being unreasonable and confused. Realistically speaking, the people working here probably didn´t have any other option, how were they supposed to defy the Don of the mafia? Deciding that there was no more time for such useless thoughts, you shook your head as you thought about what you were going to do now. Taking a gamble, you practically ran in the direction the maid was currently working in, feeling a rush of excitement as she didn´t even look up from her work as you soundlessly approached her rapidly. Coming to a stop in front of her, you waved your right hand in front of her face but she kept ignoring you. So, you truly were invisible? It´s not a dream? Right in this moment you could cry tears of joy. So there was still hope for you to escape this hell?! As you internally celebrated your small victory, you almost jumped in surprise when you suddenly saw Giorno walking through the hallway, seemingly wanting to visit you in your room. As you wondered why he had returned so early you scrambled to run back into your room, not wanting to see what might happen if he saw that you weren´t there. You didn´t want him to further restrict your freedom, then you would have no chance to get away, even with this invisibility-ability. As you came to a stop in “your” room, you then soon came to realize that you didn´t know if it was even possible for you to become visible again. And what if you weren´t able to become invisible again after this? Panic filled you but as you saw the door handle begin to move you felt a weight on your shoulders lift. The coat fell from your form, shrinking again and shifting form before turning back into the bat from before and then suddenly disappearing into thin ear. But you weren´t able to think over what happed just now as the blonde stepped into the room, a smile on his face. And as he led you somewhere else, deep in your mind the desire to escape started to take root. You knew it was possible and you had to do everything you could to plan your escape. You would use the following days to prepare for it.

Later, you found out with quick relief that you were indeed able to go invisible again, just simply wishing for it seemed to do the trick. And even when you were visible, the bat really seemed to like to being around you. The little animal spent most of it´s time hanging onto you, no matter if it was your shoulder, your back, your arm or even your head, quietly falling asleep on you in the process. You had to admit it was kind of cute and you were grateful for the company it offered, even if it wasn´t able to communicate with you. Well actually, that didn´t prove to be exactly right. You already knew bats used echolocation to coordinate and find things but it stuck you as especially particular when you found out that you were able to see abstract pictures in your head of what the bat was able to locate. You weren´t able to tell the difference between different people or anything of the sort but you could see moving, big objects in your head. You were confused as how this came to be but decided to just accept the fact that this was happening now and started to embrace this new ability. You decided to use this to your advantage in preparing your escape, sending out the little bat to scout out the mansion without having to actually leave your room and thus preventing any suspicions. As it turned out, no one except you was able to see the bat so you deemed it the safest method. Though you soon found out that you weren´t able to use the echolocation while you were invisible. You guessed that there just HAD to be some kind of restriction to your ability.

You were startled from your thoughts of the past, back into the present day as your fiancé gently grasped your cheeks and rubbed them in what you assumed was supposed to be a comforting manner as he once again had a worried look on his face.

“Y/n are you really sure you are alright? Maybe you need to rest a bit? It wouldn´t do us any good for you to be unwell on the day of our wedding. Let me grab you a glass of water.”, Giorno said as he hesitantly let go of your face to presumably get you something to drink. Looking left and right you saw that you were completely alone now. Was this your chance? After all, after you two were married against your will you didn’t think you would have any time alone anymore. Also, you wanted to prevent a “wedding night” at any costs. Just thinking about it made you shudder in disgust, a chill going down your spine. While he might be looking forward to it; in fact, he TOLD YOU that he was; you wanted anything but that. So, deciding to set your plan in motion you called out to your bat-friend, which soon appeared and settle onto your shoulder. Nodding your head, it seemed to get what you were trying to say as it hopped of your shoulder and started to fly past you and down the hallway. You soon concentrated as the abstract images started to appear in your head as your mind processed the information it was getting sent. Due to the wedding preparations, everyone was in disarray and scurrying around the place, no one was at their usual position and with absolute glee you found that someone had left the door to the outside open in a hurry to probably carry out one of Giorno´s orders. Seeing that this was the perfect chance for you, you called back your bat and as it flew past the kitchen, detecting some kind of movement in there, you mentally already celebrated your freedom. You were so close to getting your old life back, you could hardly contain yourself. Holding out your arm for the animal to settle on, you saw the ring that still adorned your hand and settled your gaze onto it with a frown. It was a symbol of Giorno´s possessiveness, something you wouldn´t need anymore after this. It was a beautiful ring but you weren´t going to accept any of the gifts he had gotten you. You were your own person and didn´t need a reminder of the dark time spent with him. So, with one quick forceful tug, you pushed the ring off of your finger and let it fall to the ground.

Clingggg

The ring made a semi-loud sound as it hit the ground but at this point you couldn´t care anymore. You felt an immense sense of relief as you saw it there, feeling as if a huge weight had just been lifted from you. Looking down at your hand you saw that the ring was now replaced by your dear bat-friend that had flown to you in the meantime and settled onto your hand. Giving it another nod, you watched as it once again started to transform, it´s wings stretching out and slowly wrapping around you, as you started to grow invisible.

Thud thud thud

You heard fast footsteps approaching you, getting closer and closer as the sounds kept growing louder. But looking at your reflection in the gem of your engagement ring on the ground, you weren´t able to see yourself anymore. The process was already over. You had won. You were free.

Not wanting to waste anymore time, you sped up and ran towards the door you previously saw in your head. You the saw who the source of the footsteps was: Giorno. He held a glass of water in his hand, just as he had promised you but there was a sense of urgency in his steps as he approached your former location. Seeing him one last time, you couldn´t help but let a grin slip on you face as you sarcastically waved at him while mouthing “Bye bye!” at him. He obviously wasn´t able to see it as he mindlessly ran by his object of obsession, but right now you just wanted to be petty.

After having to endure his presence for so long and being locked up in this golden cage, you wanted to see his reaction when he realized you were gone. You wanted to see that smug and satisfied expression turn into one of panic as he couldn´t find you. So for a moment you stopped in your tracks to see the whole thing unfold.

His fast steps slowed down as he came to the place you conversed at before, only to see that you weren´t there.

“Tesoro? Where are you dear?”, he called out, his voice slightly wavering. He then proceeded to turn in every which direction, frantically scanning his surroundings with his eyes.

“Y/n? Y/n answer me! Where are you?!” Now he sounded truly panicked and you couldn´t help but be delighted in the sound of that. All this time, Giorno had never really been too emotional with you, being annoyingly calm all of the time, even when you screamed in his face or cried your eyes out. Sure, he looked a bit concerned but he always used to tell you that there was no reason to be upset. That you were being irrational, too emotional, unreasonable. That everything was fine. But seeing him look around frantically now? Well you didn´t deem yourself a sadist but it felt you with a sense of pure satisfaction.

CLASH!!

With a slight jolt, you noticed the now shattered glass on the ground, the water spilling out on the floor in a puddle. Giorno was now kneeling down, as he shakily reached down and pulled his hand through the shards of glass, seemingly not caring about the blood that was now staining his hand. His hand then came to a stop as he grabbed at something and picked it up. Seeing the familiar golden material in his hand, you recognized it to be your engagement ring. Upon seeing the object, Giorno´s whole body started to shake as he let out heavy breaths. From where you were standing it looked like he was about to lose it, no doubt in despair thanks to realizing that you had thrown away the ring that he had so graciously given to you. You felt no regret.

Then he started to turn around and you were expecting to see pain and anguish on his face but to your great surprise, all you could see was a deranged-looking smile and huge relief reflected in his eyes. Your eyes widened even more in both surprise and confusion as he then started to laugh out of nowhere. Was he really losing it now? Thinking that you had now seen everything you needed to see, you turned around again and started to run towards the door. You didn´t need to see him completely lose his mind now. You didn´t want to feel some strange kind of guilt in your stomach for seeing him in such a state. You realized how dangerous a feeling like that was so you wanted to get away as fast as you possibly could now.

“Y/n….oh y/n. I´m deeply hurt but also so glad you threw away the ring! Don´t worry I will be with you soon. You can´t hide from me!”, you didn´t know what he meant you felt that it promised no good so you picked up the pace.

“Gold Experience!”, you heard him shout behind you and asked yourself if he was really gone now. No matter, you would soon be gone.

Looking ahead once more, you saw that you were getting closer and closer to the door. Your ticket out of this hellhole of a cage you had to live in the past few months. Away from the controlling and possessive person that Giorno proved to be. You could finally be free again. You could go back to your old life, to your friends and family. All you had to do was walk through this door and-

You felt something pull your leg back as you promptly tripped and fell onto the floor. Your whole body ached and you rubbed your head as you looked down in confusion. You were trying to see what could have possibly caused you to trip like that. You felt your entire being grow stiff as you saw that a large snake had somehow wrapped itself around your ankle. You didn´t understand how this could have happened. Where the hell did that snake come from? And how was it able to see you? I mean it had to have seen you somehow, right? How else could it have found you?

Thud thud thud

You once again heard footsteps approaching you. This time the steps were thundering, almost frantic as you saw Giorno run towards you. This was bad. You had to somehow get this snake off of you and get away. But you didn´t really know a lot about snakes. Would it bite you if you were to move your leg now? It didn´t matter too much. You would gladly take that risk if it meant getting away from here. So you started to shake around your leg while trying to get the snake off of you, but to no avail. In fact, it only seemed to cling on tighter the more you moved around. It seemed insistent on not letting you run away.

When you saw Giorno come to a stop in front of you, you felt panic well up inside of you. He wasn´t able to see you, you reasoned with yourself. He would walk right past and once this snake stops being stubborn you could still get away. But Lady Luck seemed to have something against you today because Giorno slowly kneeled down so he was at your level. He reached out his arm almost hesitantly as he reached down to the spot where the snake had caught onto you. To your dismay, you felt his hand make contact with your leg, causing you to start trembling. No way. This wasn´t happening. Not when you had been so close to getting away. You tried to desperately shake your leg once again to possibly get rid of the snake but you felt Giorno´s grip on you tighten as you did so. Anxiously looking up in his face, you saw him sigh in relief, a smile on his face that quickly turned into a frown, disappointment now clearly visible.

“Tesoro”, he began with an edge to his voice, making you shake in fear. “I can´t believe you tried to run away from me. Why would you do that? Especially today.”

You just kept quiet, not feeling like giving him a response after everything that had just happened.

“Staying silent? Please that´s not going to help you now. I´m disappointed in you. I know you´ve been very…disagreeable in the beginning and I understand that it was a drastic change for you but I thought we had grown past that by now. You were so nice and sweet to me the last few days, was all of that just an act?!”, he raised his voice a bit at the last part. It was true, you had tried to be more docile and accepting of his advances the last few days to make him lower his guard.

“I don´t understand. Don´t I provide you with anything you could ever wish for? What more could you possibly need? Why would you try to run away and endanger yourself? You´re safe here with me, do you still not understand that? I love you so much y/n, I don´t know what I would do without you. What I felt when I saw that you were missing… I don´t think I have ever felt this sense of panic before.”, at this he tightened his grip once more as if afraid that you would disappear at any moment now. Trying to compose himself once more, Giorno took a deep breath before continuing.

“This invisbility- is it part of your stand? I didn´t know you had one.”

Now you were just confused.

“What´s a stand?”, you asked before being able to stop yourself. Shit, now he knew for certain that it was you. You really weren´t going to get away now.

“Yes, your stand. It seems to grant you invisibility. I too posses a stand and only thanks to that I managed to find you again. To think that you might have been truly gone. My heart aches at the mere thought of it.”

“But no more of that. I will think of an appropriate punishment later. Maybe giving you access to the garden was too tempting for you. For now, let us go back, alright? The wedding ceremony is starting soon and we wouldn´t want to be late for that now, would we?”

With that he took your hand and pulled you off the ground. As he slipped on the ring that you had previously thrown away you couldn´t help but notice something. As if fate wanted to mock you even more for your failed attempt to regain your freedom you made a quick observation.

The ring you were wearing was now stained with the blood that spilled from Giorno´s hand.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you enjoyed this one! Probably the hardest part of this was coming up with an appropriate stand. My thought process while creating this stand was mostly like: If I was trying to escape a kidnapper, what kind of stand would I want? And I thought invisibility would be nice! I did think about a name but I didn´t think it would make sense for reader to know the name of the stand when they don´t even know what stand are to begin with.

Tho a name that was flying around in my mind was “Haunted House”! Because of the whole appearing and disappearing like ghost thingy lol

Anyway hope you liked this!

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dorminchu · 3 years

Text

Insult to Injury: The Director’s Cut — Chapter 03

Fandom: James Bond Characters: Madeleine Swann, Lyutsifer Safin, OC(s) Relationships: Madeleine Swann & Lyutsifer Safin Warnings: PTSD, moderate language. Rating: M Genre: Crime/Drama Summary: A troubled psychologist desperate to escape her past criminal ties finds herself drawn into a far more insidious schism. [Post-Skyfall]

[Ao3 | FFNet]

— Episode III: HEDGEHOG’S DILEMMA —

Over the next hour, Madeleine’s initial animosity dissipated into tacit acceptance of the situation. Apart from the two unnamed associates, her and Safin, there were no other passengers. On paper, their route was straightforward. They'd stop at Genève, switch trains, be on their way to Sion. A five hour commute in total. Leaving roughly four hours to glean as much information as possible about her primary source of information.

At a glance she placed Safin somewhere in his early-to-mid-thirties. He had a soft face chipped away through years of ruthlessness—you could see it in his eyes, this kind of cold reticence that needed no introduction. The scarring threw off her estimate by a slight margin. He was dressed smartly, darker colours, blending in easily with any other first-class commuter except for the gloves. Madeleine, in a white blouse, grey wool cardigan to match her shoes.

“I'm curious. When you contacted the HR office and informed them I wouldn't be coming in, how did they take it?”

“They were surprised that you came in when you did, but ultimately sympathetic, given the nature of the situation. Your secretary mentioned that you're not one to take time off without prior notice.”

“Of course she would.”

“Would you like to know what they thought of you?”

As he spoke he watched her closely. “Diligent and well-mannered when it came to clientele. Aloof outside of an office setting. After graduating from two prestigious universities, you were still working at a public clinic. Your office and equipment were particularly sparse for a twenty-six year-old in the modern era. I imagine they thought you were in an inordinate amount of debt or else eccentric.”

Madeleine chewed on that for a few seconds. “That’s all well and good, but you cannot get all the nuances about a person from simple inference, or a background check.” Safin remained unreadable. ��It was the secretary who told you all this?”

“In this profession, people provide me a lot of information I don’t ask for. I’ve learnt not to take it personally. You’d know what that is like, I’m sure.”

“I suppose so.”

Sunlight beamed on the side of her head, warming her past the point of languid ease. Should've picked the aisle seat. Trapped by her handbag at her ankles; burner phone, wallet, spare cosmetics, and a custom holster for a gun she hadn't touched since moving in with Arnaud.

Three years ago, what was on her mind? Fresh out of Oxford, too cynical to be starry-eyed. Volunteering still gave her a false sense of self-importance, rather than existential exhaustion. Carving out her altruistic identity through deeds, not the blood money she had to take advantage of. Still believing in a world governed by monetary prowess and tacit favours. That somehow, she'd make up for inherited sins in sheer time and effort.

On her own, she just ended pulling up roots and moving on every couple years, leaving behind very little of herself. Taking some perverse pride in the impossibility of knowing an enigma but each year she noticed the empty space, the quiet of the flat, more encompassing. Lines on her face. Still young but not forever.

Maybe she needed some change in her life. Company, but not for the sake of matrimony. Living with Arnaud in Paris had made it easier to accept the façade of a charmed life, even if their relationship was one of social convenience. It got her father off her case. Her colleagues finally stopped speculating that she'd gone frigid and switched to wondering when she and Arnaud were going to move on or get hitched. Never to her face. Always to the secretary, who passed along the information with the same enthusiasm as commentary on the window dressings.

Marriage crossed her mind, once or twice, in abstract. A last resort to keep up the veneer of normalcy. She could change her name. Become another unassuming face among thousands. Settle down while she was young. She wasn't a company man like her father. Maybe, for a year or two, before her past knocked her back into reality. Keeping her family life and professional life separate was paramount. The events of this morning proved as much.

An attendant came over smelling of artificial vanilla and enquired if they would need anything. Stench recalled the low-lit bathroom in Conakry; a rush of saliva flooded Madeleine’s mouth as before vomiting. She shook her head. The attendant looked over at her in concern.

“Everything's fine, thank you,” said Safin.

Madeleine threw him a bitter look as the attendant continued down the aisle. The sentiment was not reciprocated. Taken up by a need for conversation, if only to get out of her own head into someone else's for a while, she began, “So—” cleared her throat “—so, you head your own team?”

“That's correct.”

“How long have you been operating?”

“Fourteen years.”

“That’s quite a long time. I cannot say I'm familiar with the detail.”

“Our operations tend to stray away from the public eye. The situation in Conakry was an exception.”

Madeleine nodded primly. Still grasping for a conversation topic that wouldn’t completely sabotage her own intentions. What the hell could she do if he was one of SPECTRE? Second-guessing all his responses wouldn't get her anywhere. She simpered.

“I understand that this is not an ideal location to talk in-depth. But it wouldn’t hurt to know why my father saw fit to bother with me after all this time.”

“He has never discussed his business with you?”

“He made sure to keep me abreast of most of it. But I always knew where the money came from.” Madeleine frowned slightly. “There was an incident in Bolivia, back in 2008. I was volunteering on behalf of the IDPs and civilians affected by the water crisis. Dominic Greene, the famous entrepreneur, lost his life and the organisation QUANTUM shut down. But the gas explosion at the La Perla de las Dunas, that was all over the news. At the time it was deemed a political assault because several key members of the Bolivian military were rumoured to be involved.”

“On the news, do you recall ever hearing of a man named Luiz Medrano?”

“Medrano? As in, the exiled dictator?”

Safin nodded. “General Medrano cut a deal with Greene. Undisputed access to a seemingly useless piece of land in the Atacama Desert. It was, in fact, the site of an underground dam. Greene would have a monopoly over Bolivia's water, and Medrano and his coup would seize control of the country.” A particularly cold smile crossed Safin’s face but didn’t reach his eyes. “Not all of their subordinates were loyal. Someone from the outside must have intercepted at the hotel. Even so, their claim over the dam might have stayed out of the public eye if not for the amount of military figures found complicit in that political handover.” He paused. “QUANTUM's disbandment was not made public at the time. How would you know of this?”

Madeleine lowered her voice. “QUANTUM was my father's company, and Mr Greene was one of his associates. Besides, I never knew Greene personally. I don't think my father mentioned him to me more than twice in my life. I just put two-and-two together. He'd never let me see his shame directly.”

“I presume your father was acting in the interest of your protection.”

“He's always been meddling in my affairs! Even when I was a little girl. It's funny, you know. He was too busy to raise me so it fell to my mother. And then, once I got older, he decided to come back into my life. I would stay with him for a few months and go back to whichever school he put me through for the rest of the year. We stopped talking once I went off to Oxford.”

“And your mother?”

Madeleine froze. Averted her face towards the window. “She passed on when I was younger.”

Something indecipherable surfaced in his expression. “My apologies.”

“No, it’s all right. I’ve had time to mourn.” She scowled at nothing in particular. “I hope you realise I don’t have much on me.”

“Your personal affairs have been collected from the flat. You will have access to them once we reach our destination.”

“And that was decided by him, or you?” Safin held her gaze. “Well, you are doing this on his behalf, are you not?”

No answer. Back to silence until the attendant passed by again, accompanied by the scent of faux-vanilla. Madeleine couldn’t stand to sit another minute.

“Where do you think you’re going?” asked Safin without looking up.

“Dining car. I haven’t eaten since this morning.”

Safin made eye-contact with the associate on his side, nodded. The man got up and followed her into the next car without a word.

The attendant and passengers became nonentities while Madeleine ordered a sandwich and coffee. The associate didn't order anything, scanning the car. Just a pair of commuters, to the untrained eye.

“Welcome back, Dr Swann,” said Safin. “How was the dining car?”

“Uneventful.”

Safin glanced at the associate who was now sitting a few rows down. “I’m glad there were no complications.”

“I would certainly hope not,” Madeleine muttered. Every sentence that left her mouth gave him more ammunition. Ill-advised to put up a haughty front for the rest of the train ride. Tolerating the situation without being happy about it. Best get a grip before she made a bigger fool of herself.

“I’m not one of your patients, Dr Swann. There's no need to try and figure me out.”

“I am not trying to do anything of the sort.” Terse, reflexive. Safin drew a quiet breath. Madeleine glanced over at him and of course, he initiated:

“Do you enjoy your work?”

“Psychology?”

“Yes.”

It was such an ordinary question that Madeleine forgot to be indignant. “I… well, truthfully there are a lot of days where it is not very glamourous. But, if the alternative is to sit by and do nothing while others are suffering, I wouldn't give up for the world.” Shrugging off her lingering bad mood with a white lie. “And you?”

“I have no complaints about my work.”

A little brisk, compared to his previous responses. But she hardly knew the man well enough to start parsing for tells. In his position she'd probably have answered the same way.

On the second train heading from Genève to Sion, Madeleine was out of conversation topics. Not that Safin was one for talking anyway. She'd settled into the pattern of being scrutinised and returning the scrutiny. Just like her father to send a highly-trained watchdog in lieu of an apology.

Once again, they had the car to themselves. The afternoon sun beaming in through the window imprinted on her retinas until she pulled down the blinds.

The passing attendant did not address her beyond a glance and a small, terse smile. Probably just itching to get to the end of his shift and go see his friends for drinks. In his absence, her eyes kept flickering over empty rows, scanning, rescanning, fruitlessly.

“Dr Swann,” said Safin quietly, “is there a reason you keep looking over at the door?”

Madeleine purposefully relaxed her shoulders. “I wasn't aware that my father owned property in Sion. It's uncommon.”

“It's an architect’s villa located in Pont-de-la-Morge. Built in 1950, refurbished in 2008. You’ll have your pick of rooms on the second floor, if that makes any difference.”

Madeleine nodded. Running his sentence through in her head a few more times. She looked up sharply. “You’ll be staying there as well?”

“Given what occurred in Guinea and France, I would say it is in your best interest to have someone watching your back for a while.”

“You might have mentioned this before.”

“My job is to keep you alive. That’s as much reassurance as I can offer.”

⁂

Arrival at the station. Ushered into another black car. The sky overhead threatening rain as the car pulled into the drive. The perimeter of the house was flanked by several men not dissimilar from the two who’d collected Madeleine from her office. They did not speak. A couple of them nodded to Safin before bidding them entry.

An abundance of glass doors and aesthetically pleasing windows. The kitchen; wood panelling and stainless-steel. A fireplace in the living room with glass doors directly adjacent that led out to a terrace. The lawn watered itself. There were three bathrooms and bedrooms respectively.

Her own room was up the stairs, on the right. Far less claustrophobic or lived-in than Arnaud’s apartment. A fitted wardrobe, a stiff-looking bed. Mahogany sofa that wasn’t really her style but could be worked around. Light on the westernmost wall. Another set of glass doors that led out to a balcony, flanked by maroon curtains. She turned on the light, drew the curtains shut. Opening the wardrobe, she found the clothes she'd left in Arnaud's apartment that morning. She parsed through the fabric, unsure whether to find this latter aspect convenient or invasive. Some of these clothes she hadn’t worn in a season or two.

Arnaud's last conversation came to mind. Had he come back to the flat after she left in order to apologise, or collect her things? If they hadn’t argued that morning he might still be alive. Worried enough, perhaps, to ask around and get himself in a lot of trouble before he was silenced.

Madeleine shut the wardrobe forcefully. A change of style the first step to reinventing herself.

Over the balcony she caught sight of Safin and his associates. He looked over as she came down the stairs. “The room is fine,” she began, “but, if I'm going to be here a week I'll need some things in the morning.”

Safin nodded. “Once we work out an itinerary, that shouldn't be an issue. You recall the two men who accompanied you?” The first nodded; the second smiled politely. “Simply inform one of them and they will transport you as needed.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” said Madeleine. No chance of giving these men the slip and expecting to survive.

⁂

That night she buried herself under rough wool blankets. Dreamless sleep the most precious amenity of all. She couldn’t start drinking and risk a hangover. If she started taking pills she'd draw attention to herself pretty quickly.

Normally she could manage to sleep. Restless but consistent enough to scrape by unnoticed.

Waking up half-fevered. Unfamiliar ceiling. Sion, not France. Waiting for the initial swell of terror to pass, as it always did. Regulating her breathing. Just a trauma response. Laying still, unsure if it was midnight or five in the morning.

Back in Ermatige, the waves of terror and relief used to crash down, shake her apart. Twenty-six year-old Madeleine chewed her lip. Sitting up, wrapping her arms around herself. A dull throbbing behind her eyes, in the base of her skull. Heavy scent of petrichor invading her nostrils.

About to get up when she heard the creak of floorboards. Movement from the hall towards the stairs, descending. Someone was up and around. A few seconds later, Safin’s voice, indistinct.

Oh, God.

She hadn’t disturbed him, had she?

She could lay back down and feign sleep until her headache became too much to ignore. Or she could go on with her day. Checked the time. 06:21.

Technically still too early for her to be up and about.

The warmth of the sheets became cloying. She stood up, barefoot on varnished wood, creeping over to the balcony. Reaching out to touch the pane. Cool glass kissing her naked palm. In a month or two the ground would be laden with snow.

Opening the door. Stepping out onto the balcony, gripping the rail. Quieting her breath to hear the whisper of water on grass. Taking fresh air into her lungs until she was shivering. Soles of her feet smarted.

The men surrounding the premises did not move. But they must see her up there. She stepped back indoors.

Silvery glint in her peripherals. The old television reflecting the light from outside.

Combing around the drawers for a remote. She clicked it on. Quickly hit the mute button. Squinting at the harsh colours that only reignited her headache. Flitting through channels for news. Poring over the headlines.

Not a word about the MSF. It had only been a month since she came back to Europe. Next week was October.

She sat there for a while letting the colours wash over the room. Clicked it off. Stumbling into the bathroom. Bags under her eyes more pronounced than the day before.

Madeleine had a shower, trying to piece together the dream. Hazier than in her youth. She discarded it. Only a dream. Drying off, dressing for the day. Contenting herself with the solidity of wool and linen, she went downstairs to have breakfast.

Safin, hovering by the glass doors in the living-room area. Dressed as if for another commute. “Dr Swann,” he said as way of greeting.

“Morning,” she replied. It was seven forty AM. No job to distract her from this newfound sense of nihilism. She rifled through the pantry looking for some cereal and saw an expensive-looking bottle of alcohol towards the back—liquor. Madeleine took the cereal, fixed herself a bowl and some coffee.

Caffeine counteracted her torpor, but the headache remained. “I don’t suppose this safehouse has any painkillers?” Safin looked over. She was already going through cabinets. “It’s my head. Just the weather, really.”

“Did you sleep?”

“Well enough.” She met his gaze with more confidence than she could back up. Safin’s attention diverted to the side of her head.

“On your right.”

She took two with her coffee. Ate in silence. Waiting a week in the hope her father might have an excuse was a truly miserable proposition. What would she say? Hello, Papa. I’m still alive. Did you pick this location to remind me of your home in Austria? No, that wouldn’t get her anywhere. Easier to approach her father in the same context as her job.

“Who do I speak to when I’m ready to leave?”

Safin glanced over at one of the associates.

⁂

The spotter gave her the run down on the way. In terms of travel she couldn’t go beyond the canton of Valais and she could not contact anyone else outside of Kerberos to confer information about her father’s whereabouts. But aside from that she could pretty much go anywhere.

First, clothing. That took her to Bottega Veneta. In Flagranti’s Business Acumen playing over the intercom. Madeleine's hackles raised. The painkillers in effect. Caffeine wearing off. She started parsing out signs. She hadn't really thought about what she needed beyond a change.

So accustomed to the life of a disconnected middle-class that its opposite became seductive. Perusing the aisles in a daze. Selecting whatever pulled at her heart in a perverse reminder of home. Nothing too extravagant. A new raincoat and a couple pairs of shoes. Navy scarf for the winter months. Spare lipstick. A few more shirts and dress pants in monochrome. Spare underwear, socks.

Spent half an hour trying it all on. Avoiding the eyes of the woman in the glass. Most of it fit but she didn't feel any different. The raincoat especially gave her a funereal look. She already had a reputation for being severe. What did it matter? She was always severe and the rest of the world could just bite the bullet.

Shit. The spotter was waiting for her. He probably didn't care either way. They hadn't talked much and she wasn't about to humanise him. She'd only let her guard down faster.

She parsed him out. They made brief eye-contact. Unimportant banter between her and the cashier during the transaction. Taking her bags. Walking over rain-slicked asphalt. Back into the car. The beat of raindrops on the window lulling her into a false sense of security.

Snapping herself out of it when the car stopped. “I’ll get it,” she insisted. The associate didn’t protest.

Treading up the stairs, down the hall. Pulling old clothes out of drawers, off hangers. Substituting her purchased goods. It wasn’t enough to fill the wardrobe, but she would have time to buy new clothes. Set aside the old stuff to be dealt with.

Shambling downstairs. Hungry without any real appetite. Safin nowhere to be seen. It took all the strength she had just to stand. Moving over to the sofa. Slumping into it. Closing her eyes. Only for a second.

The sound of a car pulling in mixed up with the sharp staccato of rifle fire tearing apart a wooden door.

Papa's gun in the cabinet, next to the bleach.

Heavy footsteps on wood.

No matter how fast she bolted she’d never get there in time.

Gloved hand on her shoulder.

Jerking awake with a guttural hitch, like she'd been sucker-punched.

Breathing hard. Her face damp.

“Dr Swann?”

Face-to-face with the last person she wanted to justify herself to. She averted her eyes. “Oh God, it's just—I’m sorry. It was just a nightmare.”

“About Conakry?”

She swallowed dryly. “Look, it’s nothing, I’m—”

“Don’t tell me that it is nothing.” His tone suddenly sharper. “You were in significant distress, now and early this morning. Nightmares are a common response in post-traumatic—”

“—I am familiar with the definition!” Ringing silence. She hadn’t meant to raise her voice. “Your concern is not unfounded, I know that it looks very bad. But I know how to deal with this. Please, just leave me be.”

“Just now, you said, don't come any closer, I'll kill you. Does that mean anything to you?”

Her hackles raised. “It's meaningless.”

“Depriving yourself of sleep won't do you any favours when Mr White shows up. If you want to be stubborn, I'll have no option but to keep you locked down until you have recuperated. In the meantime, think over what you must do to get some proper sleep. I'm not your therapist.”

He left her to sit, bitter and confused. He hadn’t reacted this way in Guinea and she'd been close to catatonic. So, what was this about?

⁂

For the next three days the Kerberos team confined her to the safehouse. Letting her out only to walk her around the premises for twenty minute intervals like a high-strung pet. If she were to take sleeping pills she was monitored. Resentment outweighed by desperation to regain her agency.

She learnt to recognise Safin's gait back and forth down the hall. Through the glass doors that led out onto the balcony, she could always see the figures silhouetted in the light from the terrace, blending into the shadows.

Even with all of this, sleep was no easier. Waking up half-fevered, clawing away the sheets. Expecting to see her stomach torn open, entrails and blood over the sheets not unlike brain matter and bone fragments against a hot car window. Finding unbroken skin sheened in sweat. The stress of the situation in Guinea and the extreme nature of the attack would inevitably recall some previous triggers.

It didn't explain away the nightmares about Altaussee. Hadn't she put that behind her years ago? Minor variations, each time. The setting was more indistinct than in childhood but the visceral details heightened. Sometimes the gunman would shoot her on sight before she stepped outside. Most often now, she'd run over to find no gun in the cabinet, and he shot her anyway. As a child she'd lacked the mental capacity to conceptualise how it would feel to die this way; now she dreaded what she'd see when she closed her eyes.

On day four, she was finally able to get some rest on account of exhaustion rather than effort. She woke up to the sun streaming into her face. Once she left her room, the two associates got her out of the house, into the car. They drove around Valais for roughly an hour and brought her back. Upon her return to the safehouse there were men checking over the rooms and furniture. Only so much protocol she could stomach, on top of all the scrutiny.

“I don’t want them in my room when I come in,” she told Safin. “Around the premises if necessary, but that’s all. If they must check all the rooms, fine, I don’t care, I just don’t want to see it.”

Childish to her own ears. Too beaten-down to think better. But he just said: “That can be arranged.”

⁂

The nights here were getting colder. Madeleine bundled up. She had never cared much for the autumnal season. All the decay covered beneath the snow to be unearthed come spring. Upcoming holiday meant throngs of people. Indifferent towards Christmas.

Safin was rarely around. In passing, he would acknowledge her in passing with a curt nod, and after day five he was more-or-less in the background. Every now and again, she'd catch him hovering in a room, just observing. Sometimes, if she turned, she imagined a flicker of something unfamiliar trapped behind his reserved countenance. But he never stuck around long enough for her to ask.

With an abundance of free time, she was unable to let herself to fall into the illusion of normalcy. Inevitable, then, that her thoughts would stray back to the MSF. Conducting research on her own, in the mornings and evenings; parsing through official news sites on her laptop, then underground articles, statistics, and anything else she could scrounge up.

The Guinean military had been busy quelling unrest for the last four weeks, but there were few details. Several key figures in the MSF were currently under investigation, tarnishing the reputation of the organisation. That stuck around the headlines, right next to some lesser story in the corner about various pharmaceutical companies cooperating in tandem with the Red Cross and clean MSF figures to ensure there was no repeat affliction throughout the rest of Africa. Madeleine didn’t see her face or any mention of a Psychosocial Unit mentioned anywhere.

The nightmares weren't any better. But at least she had something to point her energy towards rather than direct it inwards.

On day six, Safin was lurking about the living area when she came down. He didn't wish her good morning. “I'll say this once, for your own good. Forget about what happened in Guinea.”

A week ago Madeleine would've been indignant. Arrogant enough to question this. She said: “There has been nothing short of a civil outbreak, and all the other parties walked away more or less unscathed. And you expect me to ignore that?”

“You accepted that mission knowing that there was the possibility there would be casualties.”

“Casualties? It was a worst-case scenario.”

He looked over at her. “The situation escalated far beyond any one party's control. There's no sense in blaming yourself. You did the best you could.”

Always wearing gloves. What the hell had happened to him? And why, succeeding that, would one choose security as their preferred occupation?

“Are you going to ask if it’s genetic?”

Madeleine balked. For the first time in a long time embarrassed rather than unnerved. “I didn't mean to offend you.”

He shrugged. “No offence taken.” His tone was off, like trying for sharpness without credence. “It was a long time ago.” Cordial, but not openly genial. While their conversations topics didn't leave much room for trust or even camaraderie, at the very least they were not glowering at each other anymore. “There's been a slight change of plans. Your father should be arriving later this evening.

“Well, that's convenient.”

“I'm sure you would like to ask him a few questions about your situation.”

“There's no telling he will give me a straight answer.” Safin said nothing. Madeleine exhaled, looked over at him. “Irrespective of how I might feel about your employer, you’ve given me no reason to distrust you.”

“Very well, Dr Swann.”

Madeleine smiled. “Please, just call me Madeleine. I'm not working right now.”

A beat.

“All right. Madeleine.”

#no time to die #multichapter #crime drama #not canon compliant #slow build #lyutsifer safin #madeleine swann #mr white #general medrano #dominic greene #fanfic #fanfiction #sorry I'm late!

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Yotsugi Buddy Episode 5 (FINAL)

The epilogue; or perhaps, the punch line.

After yet another week had passed.

"So? What happened this time? If you're okay with me, I'll hear you out, Araragi-kun."

"Oh, get lost... Hanekawa!?"

My former classmate who had set off a journey wandering overseas after graduating from Naoetsu High School, Hanekawa Tsubasa, was sitting right in front of me—huh!?

What happened to Gahara-san, who's usually in charge of the endings!?

"Hitagi-chan is going on a trip to Kushiro with friends from her dorm this week, so if I may be so presumptuous as to take her place."

"She's going to Hokkaido!? That Hokkaido that I have yet to visit!? With her new friends!?"

Don't do things that will hurt your boyfriend!

Well, I was highly in favor of her expanding her circle of friends... But if she really went and ate crabs there, we might have to have a serious talk about breaking up.

"But, Hanekawa, if you're taking her place... When did you even get back? How long have you been here?"

"I actually got back just now. Since it's summer break, I thought I'd spend some time with Hitagi-chan, but she rejected me. She assigned me to you, Araragi-kun."

It was also a bit of a shock to hear Hanekawa speak as if she had no intention of meeting me... But oh well.

I wouldn't normally be a fan of breaking up the rhythm of our regular interactions, but that didn't mean I wasn't happy to be able to talk with Hanekawa—even if the subject was a tragicomedy about child abuse.

The location was, as usual, the cafeteria on the university campus—it was Hitagi who called me out, so I faithfully rushed over, thinking it was the usual thing... So this was quite the surprise.

Hanekawa Tsubasa, whom I hadn't seen in several months, now had long, straight gray hair. It wasn't braided, but it was close to the length that it had been when I first met her... However, she didn't have bangs, so I guess she just kept growing them out. I didn't know what country she just got back from, but her style, with her sturdy-looking backpack and hat, seemed like she'd just come back from climbing a mountain.

Her golden-brown skin made it seem as if she'd gotten a tan at the beach or something, but was that mismatched impression just how Hanekawa was like, now?

If there was one thing that bore a resemblance to when we first met, it would be that, though she had been wearing contact lenses since the second term of her high school senior year, she had gone back to wearing glasses—it wasn't for the sake of changing her image or her character, but simply that it was more convenient for travel.

Thinking about it, wasn't this the first time I saw Hanekawa Tsubasa in plain clothes? Since she was no longer a high school girl, I suppose it was natural to see her in plain clothes... I hadn't been mentally prepared in the slightest, so even her mountain climbing clothes left me flustered.

I didn't know if I should call it a cameo appearance or a stunt double, but, well, maybe Hanekawa was more suited for the ending than Hitagi was, as far as this case was concerned.

Not just because of the character for "hane".

Although, that's where it all started.

"Ahaha, that's pretty careless of you, Araragi-kun. Anyone with the character for 'hane' is usually good for nothing."

"They're good for something! There's something good for all of them! Don't involve the entire population of people with 'hane' in their name just because of your own self-deprecation! As soon as 'hane' shows up in your name, you're guaranteed to live a long and wealthy life! You score a hundred points in name-based fortune-telling!"

"Araragi-kun, were you always that defensive of a person...? I never said anything about economic conditions or life expectancy, either."

It's not like you get scored in name-based fortune-telling, too, pointed out Hanekawa in a dumbfounded manner—damn, after not seeing her in a while, it was like she was pointing out how dull I'd become.

Name-based fortune-telling, huh.

"You really know everything, don't you."

"I don't know everything, I just know what I know. Also, sorry about this, but we're no longer in high school, so if you don't mind, can you stop calling me 'you [omae]' so brusquely?"[?]

"We're totally not on the same wavelength!"

It was like a failed attempt at a nostalgic handshake—well, I guess such awkwardness is also part of what a reunion tastes like.

"I wouldn't say you've gotten dull. In fact, I'm impressed by how much you've grown. I never thought you'd save a teacher. I'd love to tell Hoshina-sensei all about it."

"Well, I really caused a lot of trouble for that homeroom teacher of mine... Teachers, huh... If I've become a fine person, then what have you... Er, what have you [anata] been up to lately, Hanekawa?"[?]

"I didn't think you'd be this awkward. I'm just kidding, it's fine to keep using 'you [omae]'. Well, I've finally finished the first stage of clearing out the mines around some national borders."

The scale was way too different.

In that case, her mountain climbing clothes today might actually be work clothes, or more specifically, military clothes... In other words, I guess it was my fate to never see Hanekawa in plain clothes.

It made me feel like the adventure that Ononoki-chan and I went on was nothing but a small trifle.

"There's no such thing as too big or too small when it comes to helping people. You're not your sisters, Araragi-kun."

"Now that you've said that, I'm sure even Ononoki-chan can rest in peace."

"D-did Ononoki-chan die!?"

"Well, she was already dead. Well, I'll talk about that later... I have things planned out, you see."

"Surely not. It doesn't seem like you'd plan things out, Araragi-kun."

Well, maybe I hadn’t.

And that was true today as well.

"If you've only finished the first stage, does that mean there are still some mines left?"

"No, they've all been completely cleared out. Otherwise, I wouldn't have come back. By finishing the first stage, I mean that I've been freed from my debt."

"Debt? For what?"

"The debt from chartering a fighter jet to take down Ougi-chan the day before our graduation ceremony."

Oh yeah, there was something like that.

I see, so while I'd thought that everything had been finished back then, Hanekawa had been suffering from debt hell ever since... Though it wasn't as bad as my hellish spring break.

Still, I don't know if you could say "as expected", but she repaid her debt quite fast.

What an amazing girl.

"So, from here on out, Hanekawa Tsubasa is free to do whatever she wants... Free to clear out mines of her own volition."

"......"

She was saying something pretty good, but it was kind of scary... When I was back in high school, I never thought I would end up worrying for Hanekawa's future.

"So?"

Hanekawa asked, switching back to the main topic.

"What happened this time? If you're okay with me, I'll hear you out, Araragi-kun."

"There would be no better person to hear me out than you."

It had already been in the news, and since she was the class president that knew everything, I didn't think there was anything I could add. But I told her the full story in chronological order, without cutting anything.

"—Ah, I guess you're not a class president anymore."

"Well, I'm still a president. Of the International Land Mine Removal U-20 Committee."

"That's insane. I never thought that my prediction that you would be a class president for the rest of your life would be fulfilled like this."

"But, I see, hmm. So it was something like that. You sure had a hard time, didn't you, Araragi-kun? But I think I understood most of it."

"You ‘understood most of it’ that easily, huh? The truth about the oddity incident that almost killed me several times."

"Did you really almost die?"

"By my estimate, at least twenty times."

"Don't exaggerate. It's an oddity story, after all. It could end up spreading."

At the very least, it was just once—when I was almost choked to death by my own clothes. At most, I'd say it was two times... With the time when I was locked in a cage.

I wasn't counting the two flights I made with "Unlimited Rulebook", since those were more like gags.

In that sense, perhaps I wasn't involved in that big of an adventure this summer... It didn't turn into anything like a demon-world-like summer vacation that could rival my hellish spring break and my nightmarish Golden Week.

Right.

In the end, this was reality.

"Honestly, maybe it would've been better if it had been you. If you were the one that Associate Professor Iesumi asked for help. If it had been you, you wouldn't have had the 'replacement child' misunderstanding when she first called you into her office, and you would have completely dispelled her suicidal impulses, wouldn't you?"

"Mm. Mmm. If it were up to the current me, I might have just let her die."

"......"

"It might have been impossible for the me of the past, too. The thought of helping an adult might not have even occurred to me... And I don't think I could have remained calm in front of an abusive adult. You remember, right? What I did to the people who raised me. Although I've forgotten... So, Araragi-kun, you're incredible."

Even though she said that, it didn't really feel like I was being praised.

If anything, I felt like a traitor. As if she was asking me how I remained so calm.

"I think all I could've done was call the cops at the very beginning, which would have complicated things further. So, Iesumi-san was right to choose you following Oikura-san's recommendation. Isn't that why Oikura-san told Iesumi-san about you?"

"Oikura would badmouth me to anyone."

Even if her words becoming the catalyst ended up being a good thing... I couldn't say that I had really been very helpful, just like with Oikura's case.

Rather than being helpful, I was completely helpless.

At least, that's how I felt.

"On the other hand, how much do you understand right now, Araragi-kun?"

"I barely understand anything. It's the same as always, just me regretting that there must have been a way to do this better."

In fact, the "past Hanekawa method" of reporting the abuse of the three-year-old daughter as soon as I heard about it wasn't so bad... At the very least, Associate Professor Iesumi would not have to be admitted to a police hospital for malnutrition, in this gluttonous country of Japan.

Her consciousness, which was already hazy on the rooftop, had been completely lost at this point... The doctor's assessment was that not only was she unconscious and in critical condition, it was unbelievable that she was still alive to begin with.

How was she still alive?

That was the one thing even the person herself didn't understand.

I may have managed to save her life, but her life was the only thing I managed to save... Other than that, I hadn't been able to save anything else.

The basic necessities of life—when I thought about how she hadn't been given any of that, and about her life from this point on, it didn't just leave me depressed.

"It's no wonder Shinobu didn't help me at all this time. What I was doing hasn't changed from what I did back then. If there's someone dying, I just can't help but reach out to them."

Shinobu probably had her own excuses... At the very least, it wasn't fair to say that she didn't help "at all". We hadn't made it to the parking lot in time, but once the sun set, it was her time to shine—when it came to the repairing and purification of Room 333, Shinobu had done a great job on all fronts.

"Wasn't Iesumi-san actually seeking help, too? She just couldn't say it like that in front of a child."

"What, is she a tsundere? An adult like her? I may not be a specialist of child abuse, and I may not be a specialist of oddities, but I am a specialist of tsundere. Well, it does make me feel a little better to think that way, even for a moment."

But I wonder.

I had also wanted to die in the past, and it was Hanekawa's words that had kept me alive at that time, which was what troubled me so much. Wasn't it just cruel to admonish a person who was suffering and tell them that "suicide was sinful"?

After being torn to shreds, it was like I was being attacked for wanting to die—wasn't that more sinful?

It was really hard to believe she was seeking help... That person may have just wanted to die.

"Then, if I unravel the mysteries that have been left behind, will that make you feel better, Araragi-kun?"

"Well, a little."

"Then, it might be a bit much, but this humble president would like to be of assistance."

Hanekawa grinned.

So that's why she was here—unabashedly showing up on a university campus that was off-limits to outsiders. Perhaps that was all according to my girlfriend's plan, as she looked forward to going to Kushiro.

But I wasn't going to let her off easy...

"Let's start off with something easy. How about the little bear doll on the roof?"

"Is that something easy?"

"I mean, it's a bear that's the size of a key chain, right? So wouldn't it be reasonable to assume that it was originally attached to a key?"

"A key..."

The only key that appeared in this series of events would be... The key to Room 333, Associate Professor Iesumi's territory... Was this about that key, which I'd finally been able to return to her that day on the roof?

"Non, non."

"A, a Parisienne?"

"There's one more key, isn't there? There was a lock to the second door, as you called it, that could only be opened from the hallway side."

"Ah... The door that Ononoki-chan kicked open."

Aha. While I'd tried to fix the hinges on that door, I hadn't performed a search for the key itself—and even in the subsequent (half-finished) search, I hadn't found it.

"From the fact that it's a teddy bear, isn't there a good chance that it was attached to the nursery key? And then—there's a good chance she threw it onto the roof."

Thanks to Ononoki-chan, my imagination had gone in the direction that it was a memory of Associate Professor Iesumi and her parents that she couldn't easily get rid of, but it could also have been a memory of Associate Professor Iesumi and the Iie-chan doll.

...And she threw it away onto the roof.

Littering towards heaven, not earth.

"Since she didn't find it cute anymore—right? Though, like Ononoki-chan said, you can get the feeling that she didn't throw it away, but failed to completely get rid of it. Considering the damage to that bear, it would've been about a year ago, right?"

"......"

So she felt the same way about the key chain as she did with her "own child"... The key that was detached must have been used without a key chain, like the key to the front door, or else she would not have been able to open and close the nursery door.

In the end, considering that she confined the Iie-chan doll and then left the second door locked, she may have even thrown away the key onto the roof... Perhaps we would have been able to find it under the rubble from Ononoki-chan's destruction.

That worn-out little bear.

In a way, it was also a remnant of affection, like the interior of the nursery.

"Even if it was a state of emergency, I would have felt bad if we turned the bitter memories of her parents into an oddity, but since it was a doll that Associate Professor Iesumi bought herself..."

"If it had been a gift from her parents, I think you would've been in big trouble, and not just in terms of your feelings. It would've been bad if it had been handmade, too—but Ononoki-chan is a professional, so I'm sure she wouldn't make such a misjudgment."

There was once a time where I created an oddity, too—said Hanekawa, lost in her memories.

Was she talking about Black Hanekawa?

No—it must be about Kako.

It was something that happened while I was away, so I didn't know all the details... But, regardless of good or bad, the fact that she created an oddity without even being a specialist made her one hell of a girl.

How long would I be able to drink tea at the same table with her, as she continued to raise her status as president ad infinitum?

"When it comes to Ononoki-chan, I gotta say I think she was making plenty of misjudgments... According to her, 'Ever since I came to live with Araragi Tsukihi, my clumsiness has shown no signs of stopping.'"

"Hm. Then, next is..."

"Can I ask something? It might be a little trivial, but..."

"You're talking about that, right? If it's a trivial matter, then you're asking why the weakness of the clothes and fabric that attacked you and Ononoki-chan was water, right?"

Hanekawa spoke as if she was completely aware.

"But, isn't it obvious if you check the contents of Iesumi-san's letter?"

"Um. No... That wasn't the question I had, but that's fine."

It seemed the definition of "trivial" differed for me and for Hanekawa... I didn't even care about something like that anymore. I'd crudely assumed that all oddities were fundamentally weak to water or something...

"Since they were oddities created by Associate Professor Iesumi, who was raised with 'water' as her 'staple food', the oddities' weakness ended up being water? But if that's the case, I would think they would grow even stronger when being doused with water..."

Like putting dried foods back into water, I guess?

No, when I found her on the rooftop, Associate Professor Iesumi declined the water I offered her... If you suddenly drink water after not eating or drinking, then was it fatal...? But then, what exactly would be the right way to treat such a thing?

"Rather than refeeding syndrome, maybe Iesumi-san just refused to be satisfied with water—"

"Satisfied?"

"Rather than your ski cap and jacket just becoming immobile after getting soaking wet, isn't it more like they drank their fill and fell asleep on a full stomach? Like a baby with a full tummy after being breastfed."

"......"

It wasn't their weakness—it was their staple food.

The feeling of not wanting to be satisfied was something I could understand... If the vampire on a hunger strike, Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicidemaster, were here right now, perhaps she would have something more profound and more significant to talk about here.

"Breasts, huh... Have I unexpectedly become a man that enjoys raising children? It's true that I've always been thinking that men should be more proactive in childcare."

"Araragi-kun, when you say the word 'breasts' so wholeheartedly, it sounds like you mean something else."

"So was that what you meant when you asked, 'Did you really almost die?' When I was in that crisis, it was more like a starving baby clinging onto me, so my life wasn't actually in danger..."

"No, I think that was definitely an attack. Most likely, one made out of self-defense... Still, if it were me, I would have never put back on a jacket and ski cap that almost killed me... How afraid of hypothermia are you? You're way too paranoid."

When she said that, I couldn't say anything in response.

But it really is scary, getting pulled along by "Unlimited Rulebook" without even a seatbelt...

"I would think that, when your clothes attacked you while your focus was on the destroyed father doll, they attacked rather systematically. Otherwise, the professional Ononoki-chan probably would not have had a hard time. It wasn't that opening the closet was the trigger condition, but rather they aimed for the exact moment that Ononoki-chan's hands were full with opening the closet. So, what was the question you wanted to ask, Araragi-kun?"

Hanekawa came down to my level... It was an exchange that reminded me of when she was helping me study.

I really was a baby. Goo goo ga ga.

"Don't say that as if you've resigned yourself to it. What kind of baby are you trying to be?"

"Rather than my question, it's a doubt that Ougi...kun raised. The difference between the quality of the construction and the quality of the drawing for the Iie-chan and father dolls... Because of the imbalance between the balloon-art-like technique and the 'henohenomoheji' scribble, Ougi-kun suspected that two people were involved in the making of the stuffed animal, placing the 'estranged husband' on the chopping block."

Though it was Associate Professor Iesumi who locked up the doll, it was the husband who stabbed the doll in the back with a fruit knife—I had acted with that reasoning as a basis... No, it was more supplementary.

Well, unlike Ougi-chan's deductions, Ougi-kun's deductions were a bit more sloppy—or rather, it was designed to confuse the person he was talking to and cause havoc. So it wouldn't be weird if it wasn't necessarily correct, but still, that raised some concerns regarding the discrepancy between the construction ability and the drawing ability.

From reading the letter, it seemed that both the Iie-chan doll and the father doll were made by Associate Professor Iesumi alone... Could we just say that "Associate Professor Iesumi was good with crafts but had no talent in art"?

"Oh, something that simple... I mean, that really is mysterious. All right, let's think about it together!"

"You've gotten pretty bad at backing me up. Think back to the time where you were such a patient private tutor!"

"Ougi-chan—or rather, Ougi-kun? He didn't know about the existence of the father doll at the time, right? Then it made sense that he thought that way. But if he'd seen the doll on the bed in the next room beforehand, he would surely have thought something like this. 'This girl looks just like her father.'"

"...Aah."

Instead of thinking in terms of the creator being the same... If I thought about it in terms of parent and child resembling each other, then the "henohenomoheji" face being shared was completely natural... Though it was more of a folk belief that girls took after their fathers.

I'd thought that the "henohenomoheji" face was too lacking in either skill or affection for a stuffed doll made to represent one's own child, but if it was actually an imitation of the doll that was the father figure—but, if that was the case, we'd have to figure out why the face of the father doll was a "henohenomoheji".

Was it skill, or was it affection?

That was lacking—

"—I guess it has to be affection."

A forged marriage for the sake of a visa.

It was not a marriage for money or fame, but a marriage for citizenship, a marriage solely on paper—Associate Professor Iesumi, who did it all on her own, probably didn't even know what her spouse looked like.

Unlike the Iie-chan doll, who she at least tried to raise for two years, she didn't even give a name to the father doll.

All she wanted was a family register.

"Even if you can't draw a good picture, you can still draw a bad one—but something like that is just a paradox for people who don't know how to draw... Couldn't she have drawn on the face of her ideal man, or something?"

"She probably didn't even have any ideals. Or wanted to have any."

The letter had said that it was a simulation for the sake of pretending to be married... Of course, I assumed it meant more than that.

Some special reason why she had to do something like that, like emotional attachment or nostalgia—but if it truly was nothing but performing a criminal act, then it was true that there was no need for ideals.

You could even say it was a hindrance.

Although, even in that simulation, she ended up failing—

"I suppose it means that even before she was unable to love her daughter, she didn't even love her husband. To read a bit deeper into it, she may have used her parents as role models... If she thought that the strong bond between her father and mother was the reason for her long years of confinement."

"...For the sake of loving the Iie-chan doll, she chose to 'separate' with the father doll? Although, since it's a doll, you can't really separate from him..."

Unlike the little bear doll, it wasn't big enough to be thrown onto the rooftop, either... For Associate Professor Iesumi, who had grown up in a cage all her life and never known the world "outside her house", it was probably inevitable that Room 333 had become her whole territory.

Her home, which had turned into a hangout for "bad things" like the former Kitashirahebi Shrine—a 3LDK of swirling emotions.

Her saying she was separated from her husband was not a narrative trick found in mystery novels—it was simply the biggest form of separation she could think of, as her knowledge only consisted of that strong bond between parents. She was at an absurd loss.

"Even though she had no choice but to do so, the fact that she destroyed those bonds from within the cage may have determined the rest of Associate Professor Iesumi's life. Maybe she left Switzerland, not because she wanted to get away from her mother, but because she wanted to escape from her sense of guilt."

Even if she was able to realize her great ambition of getting stabbed by her father after five long years... She surely didn't want to make her mother stab her father or even turn into a fugitive.

"...Ah, I see. I should've asked about that first. It's something that I asked Associate Professor Iesumi about on the roof, though I didn't get a clear answer."

A simulation that barely lasted two years, let alone twenty—with it becoming harder to love the Iie-chan doll, her arriving at separation and finally at neglect, let's just say it was another form of a bad ending different from reality. However, if there were differences between the "recreation" and reality—

"Then who was it that stabbed the father doll? As for who stabbed the Iie-chan doll... Was it Associate Professor Iesumi?"

If the doll-making was not a collaborative effort, but hers alone, then did that mean that Ougi-kun's theory about the abuse and the stabbing was way off, and it was actually the same criminal?

It was that conversation with my junior that became the catalyst for my subsequent actions, so the truth or accuracy of the statement wasn't really important anymore, but...

"I think you can just think that it happened normally. What you first assumed, Araragi-kun,"

said Hanekawa.

"In other words, the father doll stabbed the Iie-chan doll in the back, and then the Iie-chan doll stabbed the father doll in the face."

"...That's not normal at all, though?"

Rather than it being what I first assumed, it felt like it was completely at odds with what I assumed... At that point, it wasn't even a recreation of what happened in Switzerland, right?

It was only when I thought that the "estranged husband" was real that I thought that it wasn't Associate Professor Iesumi that stabbed the Iie-chan doll. And there was certainly a time when I thought that the moving Iie-chan doll had stabbed the father doll, but after reading the letter and interpreting that Room 333 was a crime scene recreation, then I would've guessed that it was Associate Professor Iesumi that stabbed the father doll in the face.

The fact that the father doll moved and stabbed the Iie-chan doll... Well, it wasn't impossible. The reason Ononoki-chan destroyed the father doll on the bed was because she'd been wary that the doll would start moving—"just in case".

Thus, it wasn't impossible to assume that the father doll had already "moved", long before that... Rather, it could even be assumed that being stabbed in the face by the fruit knife caused that stuffed doll to "stop moving".

However, if you went even further... If Associate Professor Iesumi stabbed the doll in the face for the sake of the recreation (?), then the Iie-chan doll needed to have already been stabbed in the back.

The order of events was messed up.

Twisted up, like balloon art.

I'd certainly seen the Iie-chan doll stabbed in the back—in other words, I'd seen the fruit knife. At that point, the fruit knife was in the nursery.

As long as Associate Professor Iesumi was already on the roof of the university building, not moving the slightest bit as if locked in a cage, attempting to commit an impractical suicide—she could not have pulled out the fruit knife and stabbed the father doll in the next room.

Was it a remote-controlled trick?

If she used the oddity that controlled cloth, it wouldn't be impossible... But I didn't think at all that my jacket and ski cap, the clothes in the closet or the carpet, and especially the Iie-chan doll were under the control of Associate Professor Iesumi.

The attacks had been extremely primitive.

It was true that, like Hanekawa said, the most suspicious of them all was the Iie-chan doll, who'd displayed a high learning ability... But if so, it would not be an accurate recreation.

Although, if you told me that there was no need for it to be an accurate recreation, then I wouldn't be able to respond... In the first place, it wouldn't have been a recreation starting from the fact that the country was different...

"You don't have to make it so complicated. Let's assume for a moment that it was indeed a recreation. In that case, what would be wrong?"

"...Well."

I wanted to say that trying to argue about what was right or wrong in that situation was already wrong, but that might be being too critical.

"Are you saying that it's actually the letter that was wrong? It was written in the narration, though?"

"Don't act like some clever reader of mystery novels. Also, don't say things as if the victim is always trustworthy."

It was something I wouldn't say, no matter what.

Narration or otherwise, the content of the letter was highly questionable—even if it wasn't groundless, it was a piece of writing meant to ascend to heaven.

From the beginning, heaven and earth had already been reversed.

It had even said something like she didn't really believe that the abused Iie-chan doll was her own child, but it was highly doubtful if Associate Professor Iesumi really, truly didn't believe that.

Though it surely wasn't a disease where she denied everything.

If anything, there were probably days she knew and days she didn't... Of course, even a guy like me had good days and bad days.

Even if the day she wrote the letter happened to be one of her best days out of the whole year, there was no guarantee that those three days she left the doll locked in the cage were at the same level of energy.

"There were probably some translation errors that came from deciphering from four different languages."

"There's no way. Meniko would never mistranslate something."

"Oh, that's some confidence you have in her. You should introduce her to me, that Meniko-san."

"Eh? Ah, all right, well, if the opportunity arises."

"So you're trying to protect her not only from Hitagi-chan, but from me as well... You're way too defensive of the new friend you made in college. It's overprotective."

However, if the crime scene that was recreated was correct, then how did we need to amend the letter's contents?

If the Iie-chan doll escaping from the cage and stabbing the father doll was the correct version of events—

"Then was the one who stabbed the pediatrician father actually Associate Professor Iesumi herself, after being stabbed and escaping from the cage? As legitimate self-defense—"

No.

More correctly—it was revenge.

"—B-but, regardless of a doll doing it to another doll, there's no way a three-year-old without any accountability could kill an adult, right?"

"It would be impossible even as dolls. But she wasn't a three-year-old without any accountability, right?"

She was a twenty-year-old adult.

Declared Hanekawa—and that was right.

In the letter, she had written it as if she'd been a baby for twenty years, but that couldn't be the case... Like how a bound foot can still grow, a person didn't stop growing just because they were raised in a small cage.

As long as they were alive, they would grow.

Just like me.

"But... Hanekawa... Let me just say this one thing..."

I tried to come up with a counterargument as I spoke, but no matter what, I ended up being convinced.

With the words taught to her by her father, she ensnared her father and prayed for him to "kill her" over five years—but what if her ultimate goal was not to simply be stabbed in the back?

What if being stabbed was just a step in the process?

What if her objective was to obtain the knife—it made perfect sense.

And if there was something else that made sense, then the reason her mother fled... It wasn't because she was the culprit that stabbed the father—the only assumption was that she was trying to flee from her daughter's revenge.

She saw her husband killed by her daughter and ran away... She finally gave up on raising her daughter after twenty years of being there for her.

"There's another way to look at the mother's behavior. She's still on the run in order to cover up for the crimes her daughter committed... As long as she herself is on the run as a murderer, she wouldn't arouse any suspicion against her daughter."

"...So there's still love there?"

"A child will grow even without love. Like me."

She spoke rather defiantly.

"After all, whether she was three years old or twenty years old, Iesumi-san at the time could not be held accountable,"

Hanekawa continued.

That's right. Even if it wasn't self-defense, there was no way that case could be judged, whether under Swiss law or Japanese law.

Even if she was a fake teacher who had illegally infiltrated a national university and was a felon who would be imprisoned without probation, she would still be innocent of that one case. After all, who would remain normal after being locked up for twenty years? Even I had given up after just half an hour.

But Associate Professor Iesumi hadn't been given that "normalcy" since the day she was born... It was something she had no choice but to acquire herself, even if she had to lie to do it.

Experiencing the loss of normalcy was something I'd felt countless times... But what would it feel like to never have a sense of normalcy to begin with?

Locked up for twenty years—

"...Anyway, the last thing would be that. The number one mystery."

"Saving the question you want to ask the most for the end... That's a habit you've had since your high school days, Araragi-kun."

"Ah, because I'm a coward. I'm afraid to hear what the answer will be."

"Isn't it because you already know the answer to the question, even before you ask it? But, go ahead. I love it when you ask me questions, Araragi-kun."

"You love... Araragi-kun? If you're going to go that far, I guess I have no choice but to ask my final question."

"I think that joke is going a little too far for our current sense of distance. I'm going to tell Hitagi-chan."

Oof. Gauging our sense of distance was hard.

How does it go between you and Hitagi, Hanekawa-san?

Anyway, now that I've warmed things up with this lighthearted exchange...

"Fundamentally, is it even possible to keep a human being locked up, from when they were a baby, for twenty years—without letting them eat or drink?"

I wasn't a specialist of child abuse, and of course I wasn't a specialist of childcare... Calling myself a man that enjoyed raising children was presumptuous. However, no matter how ignorant I was, I knew that a baby was a living thing that could die from the slightest mistake... A weak existence that could die even if you didn't make any mistakes.

Could that state have been maintained for twenty years?

The fact that her father was a pediatrician wasn't enough for an explanation... Or rather, I could sense from the letter that she was trying to avoid that question by mentioning her father's occupation.

The explanation that the blade did not pierce the heart because it was so thin was almost comical... If she was in such a condition, wouldn't she have simply died from even the slightest amount of blood loss?

It was unclear to what extent Associate Professor Iesumi intentionally or unintentionally embellished that letter... But it could even be a lie that her father was a pediatrician and her mother was a fashion designer for children's clothing. Those occupations seemed to fit too perfectly, as if balloon artists had twisted them into place.

"If you start to doubt that much, you won't be able to trust anything—but at least for that point, I agree with you, Araragi-kun. In Ononoki-chan's words, 'That's the first time you and I have agreed on something.'"

Unlike with Ononoki-chan, that statement might actually be true with Hanekawa... We'd been having a lot of disagreements because of the misunderstanding of distance, so I'd been preparing myself for the possibility that we might not agree even now, but...

"Yeah. I think she turned into an oddity. Iesumi-san herself,"

said Hanekawa, which was a relief... No, the statement itself wasn't exactly something to be relieved over, though.

An oddity.

Just as how the Iie-chan doll became an oddity.

Just as how the father doll, my winter clothes, and Associate Professor Iesumi's clothes and carpet became oddities—and just as how we turned the little bear doll into an eyeball-attached oddity.

If Associate Professor Iesumi herself was turned into an oddity by her parents—then she would be able to stay a baby until she was twenty.

Indeed.

After all, I knew a young girl that was six hundred years old.

I knew a little girl that was twenty-one years old, and a tween girl that had been used for a hundred years—therefore, a twenty-year-old baby wasn't too inconsistent for me.

If she herself was an oddity, it would have been even more strange if oddities didn't continue to form in her territory, Room 333—if they didn't attack the two trespassers like immune cells with self-preservation instincts, I would think that they were actually sabotaging themselves.

It was a natural protection.

That would explain why I, a slowpoke, was able to make it in time—in other words, why Associate Professor didn't die even though she hadn't eaten or drunk anything for a week on the roof of the university.

If she was part oddity.

Then that wouldn't allow her to ascend to heaven.

Because for oddities, there was no heaven or hell.

"Her parents locked her in a cage and used her as a dress-up doll—that's more than enough to meet the conditions for becoming an oddity. I don't know how much of what she said were lies—but at the very least, she herself has no awareness of this one thing. Once she was out of the cage, she wouldn't have had a chance to use her abilities... After all, if she could use her skills freely, she wouldn't have needed to commit any crimes. It was when her crimes came close to being exposed that her defensive instincts began to run wild..."

However... The best example of this was the trespassing that Ononoki-chan and I often did, but weren't crimes basically about skipping due process and cheating to make things easier? It was disheartening to think that Associate Professor Iesumi's blood-soaked efforts were poured into a crime in order to obtain something that should be taken for granted, like human rights.

It wasn't just her parents. The world, the law, ethics, rules—everyone had neglected her.

They'd ganged up on her, and abused her.

Of course, distributing the fault among everybody was just evading responsibility by faking collective responsibility... Not to mention, she probably had people that helped her, too. Of course with regards to her rehabilitation, but her criminal activities would not have succeeded if there had not been someone that showed sympathy to her. However, even someone saying all these sympathetic things like me was probably contributing to the abuse of someone who was trying to make an effort.

Unconsciously.

If you get involved in a different way; if the person was not someone above you; if you were in a bad mood because you fought with a friend; or if you were irritable because you were hungry—you might find yourself saying that she should atone for the crime she committed against her parents, even if she could not be held accountable; or that it was too much to flee the country based on a strange assumption; or that she should have obtained a work visa the proper way even if it took a long time.

Unconsciously.

"Right. Unconsciously. Rather... Yeah, everything was just done unconsciously. Even if she was conscious of the fact that she was her father's murderer and that her mother wasn't really a murderer, I don't think she would admit it... In order to protect the self, she abandoned it—like throwing it away onto the roof. She became so good at lying to herself that she completely fooled herself."

When Hanekawa said it, the words seemed to hold greater weight.

Words as heavy as feathers, from Hanekawa to Hagoromo.

It could be said that she survived by becoming an oddity, but she couldn't be saved from the fact that the source of the passion that turned her into an oddity was her parents' love. The thing that killed her was the thing that kept her alive—so much so that she couldn't even kill herself.

In that case, when I first spoke to her at the lab, she'd seemed like such a solid, decent adult that I couldn't believe she was abusing her daughter—but that was probably because she felt so guilty about her position that she took great pains to make herself seem decent and solid. Wherever I go, it's that same "using misfortune as a springboard" that I hate, huh.

"A cloth oddity—a yokai like the ittan-momen or the shiro-uneri or the nikujuban, perhaps? Maybe the power to manipulate fabric was a talent she inherited from her fashion designer mother. In Scotland, they say that each family has a unique tartan pattern. Well, when I became the sawarineko, it's true that I never had any dreams or nightmares, but it's still troubling that the person herself has no awareness of her oddity nature."

"It's not troubling. It's her only salvation."

Even though she thought she'd finally become human once she escaped from the cage, if she found out that she wasn't—at that point, Associate Professor Iesumi would certainly give up on trying to live.

And I didn't have the confidence that I would be able to stop her then.

"I suppose we've come full circle, and it's time for the specialists to step in... Gaen-san should be able to at least seal away her powers," I said.

That would be best.

I thought I'd successfully been able to break things off with that friendly onee-san, but it seemed my debts continued to increase... Since I no longer had the opportunity to pay off my debts, a ridiculous amount of interest kept piling up.

At this rate, I'd be forced to pay back a huge sum of money after graduating from college. It was little too late to realize that I'd been set up... But since she could wait as long as four years, I guess she really was an adult. Even though she was dressed like that.

A solid adult, huh.

"Speaking of specialists, Araragi-kun, the fact that you paired up with Ononoki-chan from the start this time surprisingly ended up being the best match. Nice badi—if it had been a 'replacement child' or a 'moving doll', it certainly would have been out of Ononoki-chan's area of expertise, but an immortal oddity is right in her strike zone, isn't it?"

That was a pretty fresh point of view.

It may be a bit rough to describe Associate Professor Iesumi as an immortal monster, but considering her track record of "not growing up" and "not dying" over a period of twenty years, it would not be an exaggeration to say that she had eternal youth.

In that case, we had better get it taken care of before Kagenui-san finds out—that violent onmyouji of justice might be the only one who would enact judgment upon Associate Professor Iesumi, for the crime of killing her father.

What in the world could have happened in the past to make her dislike immortal oddities so much...? Would the day I learned about it ever come? Was it related to the curse she received for creating Ononoki-chan?

"By the way, Araragi-kun. Now that we're on the topic of Ononoki-chan, are you going to tell me any time soon? You've managed to smoothly set it aside, but what happened to Ononoki-chan after that?"

Regardless of whether or not the topic of Ononoki-chan was brought up, Hanekawa somewhat forcibly placed the trolley on the rails of the corpse doll... Many things had happened in high school, but there shouldn't have been any direct contact between Hanekawa and Ononoki-chan.

What an admirable class president, worrying about a tween girl she'd never met.

Compared to that, I was good for nothing.

I'd said that I planned things out, but in reality, I just put it off because it was hard to say... Because, as her client, I felt a sense of responsibility for the treatment she received.

"When Ononoki-chan created that eyeball-attached bear doll... That oddity, it seems Gaen-san got angrier at her than I imagined. She scolded her so much that I thought even the expressionless Ononoki-chan would start crying. I said 'more than I imagined', but I can't even begin to imagine it. Gaen-san snapped."

"Th-that Gaen-san!?"

Hanekawa wasn't acquainted with Ononoki-chan, but she was certainly acquainted with Gaen-san, so even she was taken aback—I was finally able to succeed in shocking Hanekawa.

Surprise.

If possible, I would've preferred to shock her with how much I'd grown—but, well, I understood how she felt.

There had been times where that onee-san had gotten mad at me and scolded me before, but she'd never snapped.

"Even though she didn't even yell at me when she saw me with a reference book that had pictures of an older woman that looked like Gaen-san..."

"Learning that fact makes me want to yell at you for it, Araragi-kun, but I don't have the authority to do that right now, so I'll just stay seated and keep listening. So what happened to Ononoki-chan? Don't tell me... She was disposed of?"

Hanekawa half-smiled and said it as a joke, but honestly, it wouldn't have been weird if that had happened—but rather, you could assume that Gaen-san unleashed her fury for the sake of avoiding that "disposal".

If it had been Kagenui-san that found out about it first, then as the "owner", she might have had to dispose of her shikigami... As Ononoki-chan had said, Kagenui-san was responsible for everything about her, including killing her.

If Gaen-san only flipped out as part of an exaggerated performance, then that would certainly be a kindness that was "typical" of her... But her style of using kindness and anger as tools of communication was rather incompatible with me.

But I'm sure that Gaen-san was defending not only Ononoki-chan but also me, so I had to approve of her way of doing things this time... Especially if I had to ask her to ensure that Associate Professor Iesumi was rendered harmless.

Maybe it was about ten billion yen?

The amount of debt I owed to Gaen-san.

It was as if Hanekawa, who had finished repaying her debts, passed me the baton of the debt king... A helpless relay.

"...Then, Ononoki-chan received a scathing lecture, but got off scot-free after that?"

"No way. Naturally, Gaen-san thought that a visible form of punishment was necessary, so for the time being, the problematic eyeball was confiscated from her."

I never thought she'd actually become an eyepatch character... It was way too visible, Gaen-san.

And, that wasn't all.

Rather than the confiscation of her eye, which would surely be returned to her when things calmed down, I would say this was a much bigger "disposal" from my point of view.

"The order was given for her to withdraw from the Araragi household."

"Hmm. Hmmm. Hmmmm?"

"A restraining order was issued against me and Shinobu... And she was told to leave her current assignment immediately. In other words, this is the end of her long freeloading lifestyle."

It would be a lie if I said that I wouldn't miss her.

But she had stayed for longer than I'd expected... She started in February of this year, so about half a year?

It was another clever thing that Gaen-san was able to do. By punishing her, she was able to relieve her of her current duties... Instead of being sent to the penalty box, she was probably on her way to her next job. She probably couldn't keep such a talented shikigami by my side.

By my side, with no problems at all.

"I see... I'm glad she wasn't disposed of, but I wonder if the restraining order meant that Gaen-san realized the danger of keeping Ononoki-chan in the Araragi household, since she's an oddity that's easily influenced by her surroundings."

"She'd have known that all along. Since she's an onee-san that knows everything... Although you're making my house sound like a danger zone."

"But it is a danger zone, the Araragi household. It's full of land mines, and as land mine committee president, it's not something I can leave alone."

Were you actually called the land mine committee president?

As for me, I was optimistic that this meant that the probation period for Shinobu and me was finally over... But the commander's resources and strategy were yet unknown.

Her true intentions surely numbered three, or four... Or even a hundred or two hundred.

"And so, I gave Ononoki-chan a hug goodbye."

"You didn't really hug her, right?"

I didn't.

I didn't even get to say goodbye... Perhaps she inherited the personality of Oshino Meme, who wasn't good with goodbyes, but after explaining the situation, the corpse doll departed from the house, as if she were only taking a break to go and buy some ice cream. It wasn't like I wanted her to leave in a flashier way with "Unlimited Rulebook"—well, I didn't want Ononoki-chan to leave in the first place, flashy or otherwise.

But, it's fine.

It wasn't like we were saying goodbye for good.

In a hundred years, we'll bump into each other somewhere.

"Nevertheless, after being relieved of her duties, on top of losing one of her eyes, I'm sure Ononoki-chan will be tasked with something even tougher than living in the Araragi household... It's pretty rare to get an ending where nobody's happy."

"Too bad. I guess that unraveling the mysteries didn't serve as much of a distraction. But I didn't come back to Japan just to see you all depressed, Araragi-kun."

So, shall I bring you happiness?

Said Hanekawa with a roguish smile.

Like that of a cat.

"What a vicious joke. You can't just go and misunderstand our sense of distance now. Regardless of whether I was influenced by Ononoki-chan, if I were a land mine, I would've exploded. Should I let Hitagi know?"

"It's shocks me to hear that you're taking it as a joke. I'm a specialist in helping you, Araragi-kun, don't you know?"

"A specialist in helping me... What a crazy specialist. You're not my babysitter. Well, if you insist, then all right. I'll take advantage of your generosity and let you help me."

"Have you thought about it? After locking you in the cage, where could that flying blanket have gone?"

"Dunno... If it was just Associate Professor Iesumi that turned into an oddity, and the stuffed doll was just one of her thralls, then I imagine it would run out of time at some point and turn back into a blanket—on the other hand, if it were recreating what happened, then wouldn't it be in Switzerland by now? Like its mother, who came to Japan to escape from her mother."

"Or perhaps, she went to visit Iesumi-san in the police hospital, sleeping as though she were dead—"

"To strangle her?"

"—To drape over her chest like a blanket, as though it were a baby snuggling up against her mother."

"...Hanekawa, that's..."

It was the most untenable hypothesis she'd made today—it was untenable, as a hypothesis, and even as just an idea.

It was almost repulsive.

Who in the world could relate to such a forced and contrived "happily ever after"? If "there are no parents that don't love their children" were words that contained no love, then "parents are everything to children" were also words that contained no love. Even if it's a baby's instinct to cling to the mother—it seemed like a much healthier wrap-up to have the blanket slowly strangle her.

"There's no way. For people like us, who are far from being bedtime stories... Did we ever once see such a happy ending that was so meaningful?"

"That's exactly why it's about time something like this happened. If the simulation doesn't pursue ideals, then reality will only get worse, you know?"

I suppose so.

Associate Professor Iesumi had been thorough in her simulation of the reality she knew, which was why she'd failed in both her marriage and her child-raising. As long as you learn from reality, you can only bring forth reality... It was an endless cycle of reproduction.

Even if it wasn't there, even if she didn't want it, what she needed to have were ideals.

Even if it's run-of-the-mill to aim for the best and end up with the worst—if you don't aim for the best, you won't even reach the next best.

"But, even if you say that, it's too—"

"No, no, I'm being completely serious. I'd like to think that I'm contributing to a world like that. I want the Iie-chan doll to stop the negative cycle of abuse begetting abuse. I want it to be able to clearly say 'no' to this unacceptable reality. Just as Iesumi-san wished."

Despite being given the name for "helping", it's something I was unable to do[?]—said Hanekawa.

"Now, time for a multiple-choice question. Choose the one you think is the correct option, Araragi-kun,"

she said, as though she was recalling being my private tutor in high school.

"Choice A. While Hitagi-chan is away, secretly go on a date with me without any aftermath. Choice B. Go with me to visit Associate Professor Iesumi to check if the blanket is there. Now, which do you think is correct?"

"...I was wondering what you'd give me, but it seems the difficulty of this is C."

I'm saved.

With those two choices, there was no way I could get it wrong.

11 notes · View notes

luxshine · 3 years

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The Great Supernatural Rewatch Project - Salvation

I started writting this in the middle of season 13 but RL and work and some mental health issues made me take a step back from fandom in general and well, I was also fearing this would be an unending job since the series JUST.KEPT. GOING.

However, now that the series is done (And omg, what a clusterfuck that was. My tallies are going to go insane if I get there) and thus there’s an ending in sight, I will do my best to finish season 1, and try and get the rest of the seasons in a more timely manner. Say, before they do the inevitable reunion and ignore the last episode completely.

(I’m going to be honest, part of the problem was that Supernatural used to be SO good back then, and when I see the new episodes I weep a bit inside. I can’t believe they were so much better at creating story arcs when they weren’t TRYING to create story arcs)

Of course, now we all know that Dean’s plots in general will not have a happy ending no matter what, and that makes that particular tally bittersweet. But there are STILL people who claim that nope, Dean was never mistreated by the writers and well, Jack damn it, I am not going to let that claim go without bringing numbers to the table. Hopefully, it won’t take me 15 years to finish (Because by then, I would be the only one caring I guess)

In any case, last lap for Season 1 and we begin with Salvation.

General stuff

A specific reason for me having rage quitted this episode in particular for so long: For some stupid copyright thing with Netflix, they don’t have Carry On My Wayward Son as the song for the final recap –at least in Netflix Latam. And Supernatural without Carry On My Wayward Son is no Supernatural. So I had to hunt my DVDs. Then my computer DVD player died. Then I decided to make 5 webcomics at the same time. THEN I decided to start doing illustration works, and three other projects and let’s just say I am a bit of a workaholic and leave it like that as the rest is not SPN-related.

Ahem.

Funny thing about the Road so Far –you know, besides being a LOT shorter than the ones we’re getting now- is that it focuses a lot more on DEAN at the beginning, while if you watch the show, well, we know most of those Dean scenes come from MoW episodes and not the actual mytharc. Another interesting thing is that if one believes those things to be chronological, it makes it as if the Colt had been with the brothers for a lot longer than half an episode, and that Sam’s issue with the visions is not that recent. Edition Magic everyone! Also, omg, they were babies when the series started, and how WEIRD is to see John looking at them with pride and smiling at Dean at some points.

Anyway, the recap and the epicness that is Carry On my Wayward Son ends and we start the actual plot.

Hello Pastor Jim. Goodbye Pastor Jim. And here Supernatural begins the long, long tradition of killing characters who could’ve been useful later on, and more importantly, that could’ve been the boys’s support system later on. While here it’s understandable since we need to show how dangerous and vicious Meg is –ah, irony that in about 8 seasons people will be rooting for her Redemption- it also makes the Hunters kind of useless. I mean, he has all that weaponry and only uses a knife? Sigh. Really, a waste. Pastor Jim as a concept was really intriguing –and I don’t think we’ve heard of any other hunter who was also a priest. Funny, when we have so many demons free now. There’s also the fact that when Pastor Jim claims that she can’t be in the church because it’s hallowed ground, she replies that “That might work with the minor leagues, but not with her” and I wonder… did we ever got a demon that couldn’t enter a church? Because right now out of the top of my head I can’t remember, and yet Pastor Jim was surprised but later no one seems to think it weird there were signs of demonic activity around his body. Another sign that, as engaging as the series was, once we start digging the world building, things fall apart very quickly.

Actually, if I may digress for a bit, here we have the very first look at Supernatural´s second biggest problem: killing support characters that may have been useful lately. Here it is because Kirkpe had this weird idea that Hunting would never be glamorized by the show/fandom and it would be a completely miserable and lonely existence. He also didn’t think that the series would survive past season 2. So, ok, killing the guy we only knew by throw away lines didn’t seem so bad. By season 13 every single recurring character had died at least once –and there were petitions to bring back I think every one of those who haven’t come back- it’s a big problem.

As I restarted writing, I also realized that the mere existence of Pastor Jim and his room of awesome research and weapons creates a problem in the future about the Men of Letters because… ok, so ONE member of the clerigy knew enough about demons and stuff to be a hunter and have THE Hunter as his main contact (John Winchester was sort of a legend back then. And he had also fell out of contact with many others so the fact that he and Pastor Jim were still friendly? Kind of interesting), but what about the rest? Did the Vatican have any contact with the British men of Letters or the American ones? And if so, what the hell did they think when suddenly ALL the Men of Letters disappeared? Ok, so that’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter right now as it won’t actually exist until much, much, MUCH latter, but see what I mean when I say that they didn’t plan anything and the lack of a series bible hurts the show more than it helped it thrive? I am realizing right now I could write a whole treaty on the Men of Letters and their non-relationship with hunters ONLY using this cold beginning and the Henry Winchester episode.

But this is not the time for that, so we get our title card and a very, VERY young Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

We move to John who is explaining off camera everything he knows about Yellow Eye´s plan. We can tell it´s not much as he thinks it came out of hibernation and that the whole attacking families is part of a cycle, but back then it was impressive how much he had managed to find out about this demon. We also know that it attacks exactly when the baby in the house is six months old, which brings us to this little jewel:

JOHN It starts in Arizona, then New Jersey, California. Houses burned down to the ground. It's going after families, just like it went after us.

SAM Families with infants?

JOHN Yeah. The night of the kid's six-month birthday.

SAM I was six months old that night?

JOHN Exactly six months.

SAM So basically, this demon is going after these kids for some reason. The same way it came for me? So Mom's death...Jessica. It's all because of me?

DEAN We don't know that Sam.

SAM Oh really? Cause I'd say we're pretty damn sure Dean.

DEAN For the last time, what happened to them was not your fault.

SAM Right. It's not my fault but it's my problem.

DEAN No it's not your problem it's our problem!

Now, in the following seasons we will know that yes, it was ALL about Sam. But right now, the characters and the viewers don´t know that. We know that a lot of families were killed by the demon (That at this point was still “The demon” and wouldn´t become Azazael until later), and that he doesn´t take the children. So… how did Sam leap from “this demon attacks families with 6 month old children” to “It´s all about ME!”? He even ignores that Dean and John lost Mary for his last line, when he decides it´s his problem and not their problem. Also, and this is important for the “Dean is the most awful person to Sam” crowd… Dean immediately tells Sam that no, it´s not his fault. While he could harbor some ill feelings against Sam –and demon Dean, 8 seasons later, will voice them- at this point he is 100% on Sam´s side. There’s also a sideway glance from John to DEAN when Sam claims that everything is about him, and then I wonder exactly why, if John knew all about the fact that the demon chased six month old children specifically, he never resented Sam over it. One would think that given John’s love for Mary and deep desire to revenge, Sam would really be the outcast and the one only treated like a soldier (as he claims he was, but not really as we’ve seen), instead of Dean who was completely blameless in the whole thing.

(Also, this is the first time we see that Azazael´s plan didn´t make much sense IF we believed that Kirkpe had everything planned. But that´s a discussion for another time)

Anyway, John interrupts the argument to explain that while he has no idea what the demon is after (Another thing that later would be contradicted as he knew Sam had powers), but that he has managed to figure out his pattern of attack to the point that it even repeated it for Jessica’s killing (Even if much, much later, we’ll learn that it wasn’t Azazael the one who killed her, and Demons would completely forego the signs when attacking. Have I mentioned I miss the times when the myths made sense?) and the three of them pack up for their first real hunt together as they decide they will save the next baby on the demon’s list, in a town named Salvation.

Important thing to note: when John recites the demon signs, Dean immediately replies “that happened in Lawerence”. He remembers, quite clearly, what happened a week before his mother died even if logistically, at his age? He wouldn’t care nor notice. Sure, he remembers his mom’s death because that was traumatic. But random cow deaths before that? Weird show.

If Sam noticed or not the signs before Jessica died, we don’t know. John is the one who points out they happened.

After two gorgeous road shots where we see John’s truck being followed by Baby (yet another thing we lost, John’s truck. I know we needed to have the guys together all the time, but man, if Sam had inherited it, they would’ve been able to cover more terrain at times, have double the arsenal and maybe not being identified by everyone and their leviathan in season 7, but I digress), and just entering Salvation John stops, obviously spooked by something. As Dean stops behind him, they find out that Pastor Jim is dead, and John got a call from another hunter named Caleb to tell him. They assume it may be the demon they’re chasing, or maybe another demon that was looking for Pastor Jim specifically but that last theory is not very probable.

Here I have to pause to applaud Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s acting, as you can practically FEEL John’s despair at knowing an old friend of him died, and that HE was probably the cause for that death. A Winchester trait, of course, blaming themselves for everything bad that happens in their world, but unlike Sam’s early outburst, here it seems far more desperate. Of course, JDM had a lot more experience than Jared at that point, but I really wanted to make a note of it because we lost a LOT of that characterization for John, where he actually WORRIED about people and not just the hunt. Even as he decides the plan for finding out what baby the demon will take in a week, we can see him broken and confused. So much that while Sam calls him “sir” when receiving orders, Dean continues the conversation by calling him “Dad”.

John then declares that this ends now, obviously feeling responsible for what happened to his friend. A long shot from the flanderized man we’d hear about in future seasons who was infamous for letting his hunting partners die without so much as a second glance.

Also, and not to be mean to the writers, but in their endless accidentally making Sam unsympathetic, they made him say that there were too many children in the county that could be a victim and that it would take forever to check all of them. While I KNOW the intent was to make clear that they had a deadline of one week, it comes out weirdly as “I don’t want to do the footwork.” Seriously, writers should be careful with that.

Actually, let’s dissect that. Because I just thought of two ways they could’ve fixed it AND give us more info.

JOHN Now we act like every second counts. There's two hospitals and a health centre in this county. We split up, cover more ground. I want records. I want a list of every infant that's going to be six months old in the next week.

SAM Dad that could be dozens of kids. How do we know which one's the right one?

JOHN We check em all that's how. You got any better ideas?

SAM No sir.

So, first way to make Sam not look that bad: Give the line to Dean. I wouldn’t like it specially, but hey, he’s the sidekick, not the hero, and so far he has only wanted to bail on ONE hunt because he wasn’t sure it was a supernatural hunt so he’d be better standing than Sam in that regard.

Second way: Make Sam say that YES, he has a better idea. Because the brothers ALREADY faced Max, so he could say they could look for a baby that was a bit “strange”, like, with poltergeist stuff going around. John could not believe him, but at least Sam would be being proactive.

In any case, they separate as John planned and we see each of them get into the hospital records. We get a glimpse of John’s collection of fake IDs, that include one for a Morgue forensic doctor, then Sam getting a homely nurse giving him files and him taking notes, and Dean… getting flirty with a very hot nurse.

And I make a point of the “Oh, look, Dean is an irresponsible womanizer” trope because once again the writers shoot themselves in the foot by showing the opposite of what they were telling (And no, this time I can’t blame it on Jensen’s acting and refusal to look at his female co-stars without respect).

WOMAN Hi. Is there anything I can do for you?

DEAN (smiling) Oh God yes.

She smiles and looks down.

DEAN (Holding up his ID) Only I'm uh....working right now, so...

The writers here make us remember that a) Dean is AMAZINGLY charismatic, as the woman IS flattered and seems interested, and b) That he will NOT dump his work for a quickie. We don’t even get a “maybe later” that could make him look as if he was really into her. It’s just that he flirts naturally, or at least, this is what we can infer now, as so far he hasn’t had any one night stand fling. The one time we saw him have a sexual encounter in the middle of a hunt was with an ex-girlfriend.

And again I have to wonder what was Sera Gamble’s intention with those scenes as yes, this was written by the same team as Faith, another episode where Sam’s good intentions tend to have a darker side, and gave Dean some amazingly cool scenes.

We don’t know what Dean says to the woman, as we cut back to Sam, coming out of the hospital just in time to have a very convenient vision of a woman, a nursery and a fire. Thankfully, the vision also comes with the useful audio hint of a train passing by, so Sam gets out his map and starts checking where that could be, which leads him to the house in his vision.

And by this point, we know we’re in the right track and this is an important Myth Arc episode, because Sam only has multiple visions in Myth Arc episodes, and he has one the moment he steps in front of the house in said vision. The gods of convenience smile upon him as right then and there a woman pushing a pram comes by, and he manages to talk to her, all friendly like by pretending to having just moved. Then Sam learns the woman’s name is Monica, her baby is Rosie, and Rosie is just six months old, exactly to the day.

Also, that she’s a very quiet baby and that it sometimes seems as if she was reading your mind. Oh, and that Monica really is blind to suspicious men asking her about her family with a face that reads “Oh shit, this is bad”.

Now, HERE is where the whole “five year myth arc” story falls completely. I mean, we already knew it was pretty unlikely it was real, given Kirkpe’s original interviews, but the mere existence of Rosie contradicts every single future story beat. Because if SHE has powers before Azazael goes into her house, then it means that the babies he was hunting didn’t get powers because of him, just that his blood either connected them (hence Sam’s very specific visions), made said powers far more powerful (quite likely), or made them a little bit more prone to violence/prideful behavior. All of those possibilities match with the plan of “raising” a new King or Queen of Hell, that would be faithful to Azazael, but are a bit iffy on the “finding Lucifer’s vessel” thing. Especially since we later learn that the Angels were also helping, and all Hell knew that Lucifer’s vessel HAD to come from the Winchester/Campbell bloodline due to Cain and Abel being the roots of said bloodline, and later pretty much everyone knew Sam was Lucifer’s vessel so the whole targeting a ton of kids, in particular after Mary’s death, is kinda weird.

Oh, Lux, you will say, it is because he wanted to hide his true intentions! No one knew that Sam had been feed demon blood!

Except that the important parties, namely Heaven and Hell, did. Michael had Heaven convinced of his orders, so even if a rogue angel found out that they were speed running the Apocalypse, said angel could be killed. And any demon who was against getting Lucifer back on top would be smart enough to keep quiet so, why the secrecy?

And again, ok, I buy the original demon blood kids being important to “hide” Lucifer’s vessel but… Rosie? What good would it do to Azazael’s plan to have a psychic 4 year old when Lucifer rose? Was “little four year old girl” a good match against a grown up hunter? What was Azazel thinking, if that was the plan all the time?

Now, I want to make clear this doesn’t make THIS episode or the Season-myth arc bad. This original “Boy King of Hell” storyline WAS good. It had a lot of potential, made sense for Sam and since it was before the days of the eternal “What is wrong with Sam?” seasons, there was no boredom of a repeat. It also set a very good question of what made a monster a monster, which would be explored a bit more in Season 2. And it was long before we realized Dean having a myth arc was a pipe dream, so there was no issue there either. It made sense.

But the fact that the writers kind of forgot about everything I just pointed out with Rosie’s scene to try and weld this to the “Heaven vs. Hell” storyline in season 4, and then just promptly forgot because Sam’s powers were then firmly connected to Azazael’s blood so they never came up again and even worse, we never find another psychic kid that could’ve been feed blood by Azazael THIS year that John was chasing him? (Since we know there were no other survivors from Sam’s generation, and later we have a scene that proves that there were no previous generations to Sam’s), it's kind of weird. Personally, I dunno about you, but maybe a return to this storyline in season 6 would’ve been a lot better than we got. Maybe.

By the way, I am not counting the Boy King of Hell story arc as a dropped plot for Sam yet, as we’re going to keep with this at least until season 3. Yes, now we know it didn’t go anywhere, but at the time, and for these episodes in particular, it was THE myth arc of Supernatural. So it can’t be counted as dropped plot yet.

In any case, Sam goes and tells John and Dean about his vision and… oh, boy do we have to move John’s reaction to Emotional Violence.

It’s not good.

But before he can do more damage to Dean’s psyche, Sam gets a call from our favorite demon, Meg. Even if he doesn’t recognize her voice immediately which is weird because a) he did throw her off a window and one would think that makes a girl memorable, and b) it’s not as he knows that many girls who would call him, despite Dean’s best efforts to get him a new girl.

Meg dismisses Sam and asks for John. She makes clear that she is not playing, that she knows he has the Colt and that he will kill every single person who has ever helped John unless he gives it to her that same day at midnight. And to the brothers’ surprise, John accepts those terms (Unfortunately not before we loss Caleb too. I have a lot less interest in Caleb as a character given that he has exactly half a line in the whole show, but it’s still it’s sad to see a guy so defiant even in the face of death go so soon).

Meg also points out that John having the Colt is a “declaration of war” which is interesting as it sort of implies that if he hadn’t gotten it, then the demons would leave him and the brothers alone. And I find that incredibly funny since… no they won’t. And Azazael would’ve been ok if Sam kept the gun anyway, given why they really wanted and once again I am putting holes on the idea that this was planned from the start, aren’t I?

In any case, John declares that Meg is a demon “or is possessed by one” which… ok? First and only time we get the possibility of a demon not using a meat suit. I don’t think this is a mistake, because after all, this is back before the guys faced demons in a normal basis so they could believe that they had their own bodies besides the ones they possessed (And, more importantly, before there was a retcon that made the brothers face and know about demons since pretty much ever). To be completely fair, as much as I love Jimmy and the whole Lucifer arc once it started to make sense… I would’ve been ok if vessels weren’t needed. It added a lot of complications and ended up making the brothers actual serial killers.

Ahem.

After that little gem of wisdom that will be ignored forever, John declares that he will be taking the gun to Meg to avoid more killing and we get another questionable line for Sam. And I am curious as to how to tally it as it’s the opposite of him wanting to leave the hunt, but it’s not that nice either:

DEAN What do we do?

JOHN I'm going to Lincoln. DEAN What? JOHN It doesn't look lilke we have a choice. If I don't go, a lot of people die, our friends die.

SAM Dad, the demon is coming tonight. For Monica and her family. That gun is all we got, you can't just hand it over.

I mean, yes, it is true that the demon is coming for Monica (Well, actually, he’s coming for Rosie, the baby, but I will let that slip pass. Sam is not interested in married ladies), and that with the gun they can kill the demon but it’s not all they’ve got. By this time, Sam has already had his big hero moment when he exorcised a plane in free fall so they could do that, then chase the demon again and then kill it.

But what is jarring is how he hears “a lot of people die, OUR FRIENDS die” and he goes “yeah, whatever, we have a mission to fulfill”.

Which is precisely what later episodes will tell us John used to do, and was the reason why John was not exactly liked by the general hunter population. And at the same time, it’s an eerie reminder of Wendigo, where Sam is willing to let innocents die (his family friends, in this particular case, just as he heard Caleb choke on his own blood) in order to get his way (revenge on the demon that killed Jess. NOT revenge on the demon that killed his mom, since at this point, Sam is still on the “I never knew that woman” train of thought).

Sure, his mind is in the hunt, and that’s commendable because yes, in the long run, killing Azazael would save more innocents (And probably stop the Apocalypse, not that Sam or the writers at that time know it), but it is still strange to see our nominal hero simply not care for his friends’ lives. I mean, at this point WE don’t know about Bobby, so the closest to a parental figure that is not John that Sam had was Pastor Jim and he just DIED.

Worst part is, this could be solved really easy: Just have DEAN be the one who voices the complaint, and have “empathic” Sam mumble that there has to be a way to save everyone (Which, of course, John will mention in a second). It would make Dean look bad, sure, but we’ve been told once and again that Dean never, EVER goes against John plans. Which… not true, ut we will talk about that later. The scene continues, and John declares that he will go to Meg alone, with a fake Colt and while Dean thinks that that won’t work, Sam has a different complaint:

DEAN Yeah but for how long? What happens when she figures it out?

JOHN I just...I just need to buy a few hours, that's all.

SAM You mean for Dean and me. You want us to stay here, and kill this demon by ourselves?

JOHN No Sam. I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want....I want Mary alive. It's just....I just want this to be over.

And oh, boy. Do this four lines again hold so much weight.

First, once again, Dean seems to be worried for John (logically, he’s their dad), while Sam is making the weirdest line in the universe sort of work because he’s complaining that John is trusting them to kill the demon, something HE wants to do and not four seconds ago was saying they had to do, as if it was John shifting HIS job to Sam. Seriously, I don’t want to think the worst of Sam but when you take out Jared’s acting, the text doesn’t do the younger Winchester’s any favors.

And finally… John’s lines that encompass pretty much Dean’s philosophy in the following seasons. “I want to stop losing people we love” is pretty telling, but what comes next? He actually WANTS Sam to go back to college and not worry about the Supernatural. He actively agrees that Dean doesn’t have a home, and WANTS Dean to have one. It’s as close as love as we’ll see from John to Dean in Season 1, and it hurts. It hurts because we can tell he knows he won’t be there to see it… and now, in hindsight with the finale having aired, we also know Dean didn’t get that. (And to be fair, this is the John who did deserve Heaven. Not the flanderized version we’d get in the future)

Although, ironically, Mary got to be alive again, so… One out of three?

(No, seriously, it’s obvious the writers didn’t even remember this speech when Season 12 hit, much less Season 15)

Ahem.

Dean is sent to get a fake Colt, while Sam and John wait for him. If they talked about anything, we don’t know, but when they exchange guns, Dean voices what we all know is true:

DEAN You know this is a trap don't you. That's why Meg wants you to come alone?

JOHN I can handle her. I got a whole arsenal loaded. Holy water, Mandaic, amulets...

DEAN Dad... JOHN What? DEAN Promise me something. JOHN What's that. DEAN This thing goes south just...get the hell out. Don't get yourself killed all right, you're no good to us dead. JOHN Same goes for you. (There is a long pause) All right listen to me. They made the bullets special for this colt. There's only four of them left. Without them this gun is useless. You make every shot count.

SAM Yes sir.

JOHN Been waiting a long time for this fight. Now it's here I'm not gonna be in it. It's up to you boys now. It's your fight, you finish this. You finish what I started. Understand?

Again, I wish they remembered all they had to get rid of demons before, you know, killing everyone willy-nilly. I mean, I don’t even think I know what Mandalac IS but hey, John says it works, it works. And once more, Dean gets a line that makes clear he is the empathic, loving brother, when it wouldn’t have hurt Sam to say it. In fact, it would make clear that no matter what, he doesn’t hate John. But nope, Sam only acts like the soldier we’re TOLD Dean is, while Dean makes clear that for him, family is more important than revenge (And boy will that come to bite him in the ass later, not in the series, but in this same episode).

Also, I have to admit. When I started this rewatch, John’s final line was just a good moment for John to start letting go of his anger. Now? After that horrid finale? It hurts so, so much. But it hurts more because I KNOW that there’s no way it was intentional. Obviously, Kirkpe didn’t know the series would last 15 years, and I highly doubt Dabb remembered this scene when writing 15x20. But even so, it ends up being Dean’s epitaph. OUCH.

In any case, the Winchester separate again, and we go into act three. Get ready for the feels.

John Winchester hunting alone is a thing of beauty. Seeing him scope the place, check the water tank and immediately think of a plan? Makes me wish Jeffrey Dean Morgan had stayed longer on the show. Sure, John became an asshole, but in this episode he’s still not that bad, we still have no episodes that make clear he didn’t care for Dean, and wasn’t textually abusive. And I am willing to bet that if JDM had stayed, John would’ve evolved more to be a Bobby-like character. But well, What ifs is not why you came to this meta for.

As John is hunting, the brothers are staking out the house were they know Azazael will attack. And while they talk and decide that they have no way to get the family out (In a nice callback to how none of their excuses ever work) we get to this little gem of an exchange:

SAM I wonder how Dad's doing.

DEAN I'd feel a lot better if we were there backing him up.

SAM I'd feel a lot better if he were here backing us up.

Where once again we see where the brother’s priorities lie, and I wonder why the hell the writers ever thought they were writing Sam as an empathic character.

Because yes, Dean is wishing he could be out there helping his Dad, proving that for him, it has always been about the family. Not the hunting, but the protecting. But Sam doesn’t want to protect John. He wants John protecting Them. And helping them in the revenge hunt, not trying to save others.

Sure, we know the brothers are there to save an innocent mother, but John is also saving a ton of hunters and people who, in the past, were nice and open to the family. And it would’ve been so much easier to make Sam look better if he instead had said “I’d feel a lot better if we hadn’t had to separate” or something like that, that proved he saw BOTH missions were important.

Seriously, I do wonder why the writers made these choices, and I wish someone had asked this at cons.

We go back to John, who, really, Is an amazing hunter even if he is a horrible father. Also, I wonder if he got ordained at a web church, in order to be able to sanctify water. That would be such a John Winchester thing to do, and I do wonder why the boys never did it too. ANYWAY, he hands the gun to Meg, and to her ally that came so that we could have a scene to prove the Colt is fake as the ally shoots Meg.

As John says, Meg was lucky the gun was fake. And once again, I do wonder what the plan was if it WAS the Colt. I mean, Meg was Azazael’s second in command. Why would nameless demon risk killing her? Or did he kinow the gun was fake?

In any case, this makes the moment where we can be 100% sure that Meg’s meat suit 1.0 was dead. I mean, she could’ve survived the fall in Shadow, but a bullet to the chest? No way.

We go back to the brothers, and Sam breaks every single law of a procedural show by giving this great speech about how thankful he is to Dean for everything, and how he needs to say that “in case” something happened.

Dean is definitely not impressed and reminds him that the only one dying today is Azazael.

As we see John temporarily escape from Meg and her muscle boy, we go back to the brothers who see the demon omens start up so they get ready for the final fight.

The brothers manage to save Monica and her baby, despite the very understandable interference from Hubbard, the husband (I mean, you would not react nicely to two strangers intruding in your house and yelling to your wife to not go into the nursery room), however, before Sam can shoot Azazel, he disappears into smoke (A really interesting question here is, WHY did Sam wait to shoot and then wasted a bullet, but I digress).

Going completely against M.O, Azazael makes the CRIB burst into flames, but fortunately Dean has already gotten Rosie out of it so the brothers escape the flaming house. While Monica cries her thanks, Sam notices that Azazael is still inside, and tries to go after him, but Dean stops him because he is not going to lose his brother to the fire. By the way, I am not counting “Dean stopping Sam from going into a burning building” as “Dean forcing Sam to do something” since, uh, he was saving Sam’s life and it’s something anyone in Dean’s place would’ve done.

At the same time, we see John getting captured by Meg and her muscle boy because he didn’t think about getting a third escape route (But honestly? That was pretty much a plot necessity. John was HEAVILY prepared for that fight)

Back in the hotel, Dean is worried that John is not answering his calls, while Sam is furious that Dean didn’t let him kill himself by running into a burning house. They have a nasty fight that mirrors the one they had back in the pilot, but since it IS a fight between the brothers, you know the drill. We’re examining it under Violence.

Once Sam calms down, he tells Dean to try calling John again. Unfortunately, it’s Meg who answers and she tells Dean that they’re never seeing their dad again.

And we get the first “To be continued” for the series (Which to be honest, despite all the little continuity mistakes I mentioned here? Is still pretty epic)

Violence

Well, we had to run out of episodes where the brothers don’t fight each other at some point, didn’t we?

This fight, over Sam wanting to kill himself in his search for revenge, is a very neat parallel to the fight they had back in the Pilot, over Sam NOT wanting to even involve himself in the family’s search for revenge. Which I know it’s supposed to be ironic and a show of character growth since now Dean is the one saying that revenge is not worth their lives but… it falls a little bit flat because the reason why Sam is so gung-ho in killing Azazael is, once again, a very selfish one and the way in he expresses it makes it quite clear. (Again, I do wonder if the writers stopped to think about the implications of Sam only getting really into hunting when it was about him or his losses?)

But let’s start at the beginning:

SAM If you had just let me go in there, I coulda ended all this.

DEAN Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life.

SAM You don't know that.

DEAN So what, you're just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?

SAM Yeah. Yeah you're damn right I am.

DEAN Well that's not going to happen, not as long as I'm around.

This right here? Is a nice summary of the relationship of the brothers for the whole series. Sam wants to do something stupid, like, say, running into a burning building, Dean is there to stop him before he hurts himself.

Also, let’s make clear the use of first person by Sam. It’s not “We coulda ended this”, as in the family ending the hunt, but “I coulda ended this”. Again, at this point, not something that is a problem, but considering hindsight, we can see how the writers are completely invested in SAM as a sole main character, and write him as such, while Dean is more of the sidekick.

In any case, the argument continues, still not escalating to violence.

SAM What the hell are you talking about Dean, we've been searching for this demon our whole lives. It's the only thing we've ever cared about.

DEAN Sam I wanna waste it. I do. Okay? But it's not worth dying over.

SAM What?

DEAN I mean it. If hunting this demon means getting yourself killed then I hope we never find the damn thing.

Important thing how Sam apparently forgot he left for four (two) years and wanted out of the family business, now that he is angry and into the revenge thing. It’s not “You’ve been searching for this demon your whole life”, which would’ve been correct AND a logical counterargument against Dean. Before this episode, Sam was supposedly the brother who understood that revenge was a way of living, while Dean is the one who was Daddy’s little soldier. But here, when it actually would matter to the narrative, it is as if Sam’s wishes for a normal life are completely forgotten and it’s Dean the one who understands that there’s more to living than revenge (Which, btw, is consistent through the season despite everyone claiming that Dean needs Sam to keep hunting. All season, Dean has been giving Sam outs, telling him it’s ok to quit)

And of course, Dean here proves that Sam is more important to him than revenge for his mother, as he is willing to never get to kill the demon as long as his family, his brother in particular, survives.

Poor Dean.

SAM That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.

DEAN You said yourself once, that no matter what we do, they're gone, and they're never coming back.

SAM Don't you say that, not you! Not after all this don't you say that.

DEAN Sam look. The three of us...that's all we have...and it's all I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding it together man...and without you or Dad....

Unfortunately, script doesn’t quiet convey the scene as there’s a LONG pause between “That thing killed Jess” and “That thing killed Mom”. Enough so that we can believe that Sam is using that second phrase not because he cares (in the Pilot he made clear he didn’t), but to make Dean get on board with the whole “I can kill myself if it means getting revenge” plan. In other words, once again, Sam is weaponizing Mary against Dean, and that is a really nasty habit the younger Winchester never quite shakes out of. Instead, Dean shows how he LISTENED to Sam back in the Pilot and repeats Sam’s words to him on the bridge.

Which is when Sam loses it and pushes Dean against a wall, Dean not defending himself at all, and yells that Dean has no right to say what Sam told Dean the very first hunt they had together after years of separation.

And of course, once Dean mentions their father, Sam starts calming down. NOT when Dean says that he’s barely holding it together, or that he only has them. Just when he mentions their father who is, in Sam’s mind, the one who can help him get revenge.

The fight ends, but Sam never once apologizes for what he said to Dean, nor for the fight. Which, by the way, contradicts his claim that Dean “always has his back”.

Emotional Violence

Whenever we have John on an episode, we’re going to have to talk about emotional violence and I kind of hate that because on one hand, I get how John could’ve been a very tragic figure that loved his sons but still wanted to avenge his wife, and not being the abusive bastard we know and don’t love that much.

When Sam and Dean explain about Sam’s visions, and how they started as nightmares but have grown in intensity, his reaction is quite subdued, but clear. He is not happy, but the problem isn’t the visions –for a man obsessed with the supernatural, his outward reaction to his younger son being a psychic is quite calm- but that they didn’t inform him of what was going on:

JOHN All right. When were you going to tell me about this?

DEAN We didn't know what it meant.

JOHN All right, something like this starts happening to your brother, you pick up the phone and you call me.

DEAN dumps the coffee jug and cup back on the counter and strides toward JOHN.

DEAN Call you? Are you kidding me? Dad I called you from Lawrence all right? Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone? I got a better chance of winning the lottery.

JOHN You're right. Although I'm not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. I'm sorry.

And let’s be clear, John’s anger is not directed at Sam, it’s directed at Dean. “Something like this starts happening to your brother” is not “Something like this starts happening to either of you”. Which is also a show of how good an actor JOHN is in universe because WE know that he knew. Missouri TOLD him point blank that Sam was powerful and that he could have known that John was around during the Home episode. But here, he acts as if this was news to him when he could ALSO have told them what to expect if that happened. (Mind you, I am assuming that Sera Gamble knew or remembered about Home’s script when writing this and didn’t just forget or was unaware that John was supposed to know)

Now, all season, Sam has been complaining and yelling about how John doesn’t answer their calls, doesn’t seem to care what’s going on with them. So it’d be logical and in character for Sam to say something here. But instead is DEAN, Dad’s little soldier, the one we’ve SEEN obeying John without question finally have enough and talk back to his father with some truths. And it’s VERY interesting that his first complain is not that John didn’t care that Dean almost died, but that he didn’t reply when Dean called from Lawrence. One could almost infer that Dean expected John not to care if Dean died, but was honestly hurt that he didn’t care about a case that could’ve involved MARY.

John, surprisingly, sort of agrees. He does say “I’m sorry”, which makes him the Winchester who is quicker to say those words… but he still manages to make a threat against Dean “I am not too crazy about this NEW tone of yours”.

Making it clear that before? Dean never talked back. And John doesn’t like it when his soldiers talk back.

It makes it hard to believe John ever thought of Dean as his son and makes it very clear why Dean never understood Sam’s confidence that Dean was the favored one.

Speeches and Apologies

I considered not including this particular speech, but then I remembered that Supernatural is ALSO famous for their big emotional speeches, and this is Sam’s first, and also, Dean’s first time listening to someone he cares about give him the “I am saying goodbye because I am going kamikaze” speech and after all the drama in season 15, I guess it’s necessary to do some dissection.

It is important that despite all the things that Sam has done to Dean, the words “I’m sorry” are never uttered here.

SAM Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. DEAN For what? SAM For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And ah...I don't know I just wanted to let you know, Just in case DEAN Whoa whoa whoa, are you kidding me? SAM What? DEAN Don't say just in case something happens to you. I don't wanna hear that freaking speech man. Nobody's dying tonight. Not us, not that family, nobody. Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, you understand me?

This is not a bad “freaking speech”. I understand why Dean didn’t want to hear it, because it is like jinxing the mission (And, let’s be honest, it did), but it’s not a bad speech.

Except that, reading it again, it lacks one important part. Sure, Sam thanks Dean for always being there (Forgetting that, at least three times this season alone, he has accused Dean of not having his back and being unreliable. Which will ALSO be a constant theme in the series’s long run), but he never mentions the times HE did things that would be hard to back up. Which, again, I am not counting as a bad thing against him in this precise moment in time, since he is young, in his roaring roadtrip of revenge, and we’ve only know the brothers for a year, but it is the beginning of a series’ long crutch to make us forgive all of Sam’s sins without him actually doing the work to be forgiven.

On the other hand, it all goes to waste a bit later when Sam starts hitting Dean for the horrible sin of not letting him run into a burning building and kill himself so… it’s not really a “thank you for having my back” speech but a “You better remember, you never fight me and my choices are the best” speech in hindsight. Which… not good on Sam, no.

Double narrative standards

This episode is kind of balanced, except for that little moment where we’re supposed to think Dean is wrong for telling Sam that revenge is not worth their lives. So there’s not much to write in this particular segment.

Final Tally

Ok, back in the saddle. And after all that, I decided not to tally Sam’s little slip about not caring if their loved ones die as long as he gets to kill Azazael. Let me know if you disagree.

The count is still not good on Sam’s side, but as always, you are free to disagree with me, and dm me if you think I missed a tally or I should change one. If your argument is solid and canon based, I will listen to it and may change the numbers.

Numbers (or the TL;DR summary)

(Episode/Total so far)

Times Dean has lied to Sam or to a loved one: 0 / 0

Times Sam has lied to Dean or to a loved one: 0 / 3

Times Dean has been caught in a lie: 0 / 0

Times Sam has been caught in a lie: 0 / 1

Times Dean has hit Sam in anger: 0 / 1

Times Sam has hit Dean in anger: 1 / 4

Times Dean's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 0

Times Sam's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 1

Times Dean has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 0

Times Sam has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 7

Times Dean forced Sam to do something: 0 / 0

Times Sam forced Dean to do something: 0 / 7

Secrets kept by Dean: 0 / 1

Secrets kept by Sam: 0 / 2

Times Dean has blamed Sam for something: 0 / 0

Times Sam has blamed Dean for something: 1 / 4

Times Dean has apologized with words to Sam: 0 / 3

Times Sam has apologized with words to Dean: 0 / 2

Times Dean has respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 7

Times Sam has respected Dean's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Dean hasn't respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Sam hasn't respected Dean's boundaries and / or rules: 0 / 13

Times Dean has made fun of something Sam does or has: 0 / 6

Times Sam has made fun of something Dean does or has: 0 / 31

Times we focus on Dean's needs: 0 / 1

Times we focus on Sam's needs: 1 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Sam: 1 / 7

Filler episodes dedicated to Sam: 0 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 0

Filler episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 4

Arc episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Filler episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Dean's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 1

Sam's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 2

#Supernatural rewatch project #Salvation #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #not very Sam positive #John Winchester #Season 1 #Season 1 episode 20 #SPN #Supernatural meta

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ghoulciifer · 4 years

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So heard you want Haikyuu request! So when I get mad at someone (VERY rare) I just look at them like 😠. And just kinda shun them like “dont talk to me 😠. That was rude 😠” so i just scoot away from them. I wont walk away from them, ill just go to the other side of the couch or whatever and if they try to console me im like “no! You spoiled my show 😠” and only kinda yell at them if they keep pursuing like “im mad at you” and if they touch me im like “NO! IM MAD AT YOU” is all lmao UHHH PART 2

hc: how Kageyama and Nishinoya react when their S/O gets angry

tw: none (i think?)

tags: angry!reader, haikyuu, eventual comfort/fluff, slight nsfw with noya

notes: ahsgshahajsh i’m the same way when i get angry but i CRY so much, so i kinda felt this one? but i did hc’s for this because i wanted to do it NOW. i love my boys, especially noya. ty for the request, i love you, and my inbox is still open for asks ❥

» i feel like kageyama is just permanently unaware of everything going on around him, like all this boy has on his mind is fuckin’ volleyball and you, ofc

» i also feel like this is a big reason why doesn’t have a filter sometimes... which gets him in trouble.

» you two are just chilling on the couch, all cuddled up together, watching a show you’ve been trying to catch up to him on (because he’s impatient and apparently can’t wait for you to come home smh)

» you’re halfway through a super suspenseful episode, and there’s a huge lead up to a plot twist but it’s just dragging on forEVER

» “ugh, why can’t they just show who dies, already?” you grumble under your breath, beyond irritated, huffing for good measure

» kageyama just

» nonchalantly fuckin’ spoils it

» “oh F/C/N dies, happens next episode.”

» the speed in which your head turns his way is inhuman LMAO

» you’re so angry you can’t even form words, your blood boils as it rushes to your face and your brow is furrowed so deep

» not only did your boyfriend ruin the rest of the episode but YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER DIES??

» of course kageyama doesn’t notice your death glare until a couple seconds later, looking at you with the most dumbfounded expression

» “...what?”

» you don’t even say anything, just get up, take a deep breath, and walk as calm as possible to the bedroom, slamming the door behind you

» meanwhile kags is still just ?? nani ??

» he leaps into action and tries talking to you through the door but once he hears the tub’s faucet running from your bathroom, he knows it’s your me time and he shouldn’t interfere

» so while you’re soaking up in a hot bath with your favorite scented candle burning at the edge of the tub, listening to your favorite playlist at a comfortable volume,

» kageyama literally sits on the couch and thinks SO HARD about what he could have possibly done wrong ahsgsgshaja this boy

» you were fine before you started watching the show, even after the show started you were quite literally all over him, so where did he go wrong?

» it finally dawns on him that your sudden mood change happened after he spilled the beans on your favorite character’s death

» insert kageyama slamming a palm to his face

» THIS DUDE FEELS SO FUCKIN’ BAD NOW

» he waits at least another 15-20 mins before creeping into the master bath to check up on you, a warm mug of your favorite tea in hand and the sweetest look on his face

» how could you still be mad at him when he’s literally doing the 🥺 face ???

» he crouches at the edge of the tub and leans forward to press a gentle kiss into your temple before setting the mug on the ledge, situating himself so his chin is laying over his folded arms, facing you

» “I’m sorry I’m an idiot... and about F/C/N. I know you liked them a lot.”

» you can’t help but giggle at how precious the moment (or the look on his face) is and you raise a hand to his cheek, rubbing the soft skin over his cheekbone with your damp thumb

» “It’s okay, Tobio, at least I didn’t have to see it. But next time... try not to spoil anything, okay?”

» nishinoya might seem like an air headed tornado to most, but he’s actually pretty perceptive !!

» so he’s always aware of when you’re angry, very in tune with your emotions, constantly tries his best to avoid hurting you or your feelings in anyway

» but uh... he fucks up sometimes.

» you were at your shared home, waiting for him wearing nothing but his old volleyball jersey and his favorite pair of your panties (y’know the ones, with a cute lil’ bow on the front and less fabric in the back ;0)

» there wasn’t really any special occasion but you both made it very clear during a suggestive text conversation earlier in the day that you were going to jump each other’s bones as soon as you got home

» he did let you know he needed to stop by tanaka’s after work to pick something up, but you figured that wouldn’t take long at all, right?

» wrong

» you’ve been nestled in the same spot on the couch for hours, the sun no longer shining into the living room, and you were absolutely steaming from the ears in wait for your boyfriend

» you honestly weren’t even in the mood anymore the longer time dragged on, the show you put on doing nothing to distract you from your aggravation

» eventually you hear the familiar jiggle of your front door and the clanking of keys being hung on the rack before footsteps head your way

» you keep the blanket in your lap wrapped around your waist and sit up, arms crossed, bottom lip jutted out ever so slightly with narrowed eyes

» “Hey, baby! I missed you all da-“

» he tried leaning down for a kiss but you pressed your hand against his lips before they got close enough

» noya is confused for a split second before he notices you’re wearing the one piece of clothing you know will get you laid when you wear it

» “...fuck.”

» “Actually, no, not anymore.”

» you get up from the couch and side step around him, ignoring the way his fingertips brush against your wrist in a failed attempt to grab it

» once you make it to your bedroom you lock yourself in the bathroom to change clothes, wash your face, let your hair down, etc.

» the running water lets noya know you’re starting your nightly routine, and there’s no way you’re doing anything after that

» he’s very aware that you just need to cool off, you got your point across and all that remained was the recovery process

» so he decides to use this time to get himself in his sleep clothes as well and situate the bed in the most comfortable set up possible, the way he knows you like it

» also grabs a snack or two from the kitchen and sets it on your nightstand in case you do decide to talk it out instead of going straight to bed

» he patiently waits for you to emerge from the bathroom as he holds onto the stuffed koala he won for you at some fair years ago HE’S SO CUTE I CAN’T ALDJSHSJAK

» when you finally do come out, donning an old pair of his sweats and an oversized t-shirt, hair brushed and face clean, his face instantly softens

» bc he can’t help but admire how beautiful you look in moments like this 🥺

» once you see the look in his eyes and the stuffed toy in his arms, it’s all over, my guy - you don’t even remember why you were upset in the first place

» you climb on the bed and settle on top of him, head tucked under his chin and arms wrapped underneath his shoulders while he runs his hands up and down your spine, koala bear long forgotten

» “I’m sorry I was out so late, babygirl, I lost track of time... I’ll make it up to you whenever you want, okay? and I’ll hold you like this if you just wanna go to bed.” He finally says after a comfortable silence, kissing the top of your head as he finishes.

» your heart practically melts and suddenly you want to be the one comforting him

» “It’s okay, Yuu. I love you so much.” you lift your head from his chest to give him a sweet kiss as he reciprocates the phrase against your lips

» the kiss lasts much longer than intended and grows in intensity - next thing you know, he’s got you flipped over with his hands sneaking under your shirt to explore your soft skin, mouth latched onto your neck

» his hands wander to the waistband of the sweats resting over your hips and when his fingertips brush over the familiar texture of lace, he looks up at you with the MOST excited look

» “You kept them on?? FOR ME??”

#i went a lil overboard with noya’s but i cant help it #i just love him sm #kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #tobio kageyama x reader #tobio kageyama fic #nishinoya yuu #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya yu x reader #nishinoya headcanons #kageyama headcanons #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #hofortendou hc’s

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adultswim2021 · 3 years

Text

Ephemera Week (2002)

In which I review stuff in a non-specific way, covering the shows that Adult Swim merely acquired but did not produce themselves:

The Oblongs (originally aired on WB, 2001)

How many different ways can I say a show mostly sucked? Honestly, I railed against this show hard when it came on Adult Swim. I caught a few minutes of an episode on the WB and didn’t really care to keep watching it. I think it was the first episode?

In the early 2000s, there was a lot of embarrassing attempts to be “weird” and “tWiStEd” in the media landscape, and most of it I judged harshly. If I could smell that a TV Network was attempting to court the Hot Topic demographic I would reject and pounce on anyone who liked it. I remember pompously dressing down a friend of a friend who liked this show, which is also really embarrassing. Honestly I’m at the point in my life now where if I accidentally make fun of a show or movie to the face of somebody who likes those things I feel terrible and feel the need to apologize profusely. Please don’t not like the Oblongs on my account. The show was about the lower-class have-not Oblong Family who lived under the sewer drains of the elite upper-class. Their side of the tracks is so polluted by the rich citizen’s waste that they are all mutated, presumably from toxic waste-induced birth-defects. The dad is voiced by Will Ferrell and he doesn’t have any arms or legs. He has a Charles and Mambo style son voiced by the Sklars. Everything is grotesque, but in a cutesy marketable way. Even today as an avowed MARXIST (as far as you know) I probably could come up with some revisionist argument about how this show is good, actually, but my heart simply wouldn’t be in it. Nobody needed the Chapo Trap House dicks telling the world to rewatch Avatar and nobody needs me telling them to do the same with The Oblongs.

Listen, I didn’t rewatch any of this and I’m sorry, but I literally watched every episode on Adult Swim despite not enjoying it all that much. The whole thing seemed like it was meant for teens who dress in all black and have too many zippers on their pants. Go to Denny’s drink freaking COFFEE, and talk about the latest ep of Oblongs. Damn. Dark shit. Here’s your goddamn Adult Swim schedule. All of them aired Sunday Night at 10:30PM. Shows that were previously unaired are in bold.

August 4: Misfit Love (Pilot) August 11: Disfigured Debbie August 18: Narcoleptic Scottie August 25: Pickles' Li'l Amazons September 1: Flush, Flush, Sweet Helga September 8: Get off My Back September 15: Please Be Genital September 22: The Golden Child September 29: Milo Interrupted October 6: My Name Is Robbie October 13: Bucketheads October 20: Father of the Bribe October 27: Heroine Addict

MAIL BAG

Lotta anons in my mentions today... typical

Dont worry about these blue baby likers, i know wer'e both true hill-heads, Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down (Toasters, Mission Hill e101)

It is because we are cool that we like Mission Hill and detest Baby Blues. Any show about being cool is good: It’s true

Kind of crazy to see Bill Oakley go from The Simpson to Mission Hill to reviewing fast food in his car.

I think he does other stuff like make his own soda and drink his own soda. I think that’s it, though.

What's your favorite adult swim piece of merch you own. PLEASE DON"t SAY THE MASTER SHAKE AIR FRESHNER I DON"T CARE ABOUT THAT!

That was it :( Do I count the DVDs? ATHF volume 2 DVD is maybe my favorite of the DVDs it has a lot of fun extras and stuff. volume 3 is also really good. Somewhere in my archives I Have a Sealab 2021 shirt, which was mailed out vaccu-formed into a hockey puck shape, and I have never actually unwrapped it. The wrinkles must be UNREAL. I wonder if it’s worth anything.

Richard Branson makes you an offer you can't refuse: A chance to go into space with him on his next big flight OR an all expense paid All-Night Adult Swim Themed Dance Party for you and your closest four friends. Which do you take? Oh, per "Branson's Rules" you are officially a virgin again by taking one of these prizes so you will have to have sex at least one more time in your life for that not to be the case. Sorry.

I would not take either prize though the prospect of regaining my virginity is tantalizing. I need it

Did Smash Mouth ever do anything with Adult Swim? For some reason I can imagine the fat lead singer pointing to a picture of Brak and smiling. Could it all just be simply a dream?

You are thinking of Guy Fieri, who famously goes to every Red Robin in North America searching for Brak merch on the wall. This was caused by him finding a big old Cartoon Planet bus-stop ad framed on the wall of the Red Robin in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. He was so happy he made the hostess take a photo of him smiling next to it. As far as I know his search has yielded no other results. But the search is what’s important.

What do you think Eric Andre's deal is. Retarded or just straight up weird?

I saw somebody on twitter call him a hack and it was ponderous. His stand-up is nowhere near as brilliant as his show, and I’ve heard mixed reviews regarding that motion picture he did. It’s too racist to call him either of the things you wrote so I’ll abstain from weighing in

#the oblongs #adult swim #adultswim2021 #ephemera

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hifumi-gigolo · 3 years

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For the hypmic ask thing! 3, 9, 11, 18, 24, 27, 33. I'm sorry it's a lot,, you dont need to answer all!

3.Who was the first character you liked?

It´s hard for me to tell who I liked first? I liked everyone lol. When I saw the first anime episode I expected to like Doppo and Gentaro a lot since they seemed like my usual type, but Hifumi came along and honestly I kinda fell for him the moment I saw his earrings lmao

9.Which songs do you think are slept on?

All my friends in the fandom so far dislike The Champion but I like it a lot??? It´s mtrs winner song come onnn

Also Jakurais second solo, kimi ari yue ni ga ari <3

osakas 24k gold magic is the only stage song I know and bruhhh I enjoy it sm

fallin´, wlecome u and tomoshibi are so good why did tomoshibi do the worst out of the new group songs😭

sorry for listing so much sfjhdkfjg

11.Objectively, who do you think is the best rapper?

I have no idea I don´t think about it since idk anything about rap, I could only say what I personally like lol, sorry

18.What characters would you get along with?

uhhh the age gaps in some cases make this hard to think about tbh uhm (and the fact I am socially incapable) but I like to think I could get along with Jyushi and Rosho, they are characters I feel most similar to hah, of course I hope Hifumi too (and any mtr member if we´re being honest). Also jiro and dice possibly :) I just feel like all the extroverted excited characters would adopt me

Ramuda and me could bond over being small as hell😌

24.Drop a headcanon for your favorite character.

Hifumi would rock make-up and heels thx.

Another thing I have thought about is that Hifumi has a fantastic gaydar lol, and he can see the nature of a relationship and the problems people are having immediately (which isn´t all that canon compliant considering he tends to be a little oblivious but shhhh)

33.What moment in the HypMic series made you feel the most emotional?

oh god this is hard. the recent chapter? hifumi and doppos relationship as a whole? anything matenro? yeah.

and probably the 2nd drb mtr drama track, that had me crying thrice in 5 minutes

#mel talks #sorry for skipping the headcanon #but my head is empty and I have another ask with the same question so gonna answer there #once I remember smth....lol #ask

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pixelpoppers · 3 years

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It's been four months since I posted about not really playing games anymore and I thought it was time for an update.

(First, a quick refresher on the old post: I theorized that a big part of my enjoyment of video games came from them enabling me to focus my attention in a way that I normally find difficult, so once I started taking focus-enhancing nootropics this advantage went away and video games became much less appealing compared to other activities. Instead I started spending my free time doing personal data cleanup and related tasks.)

So, what have I been doing since then? A few things. I have been continuing with minor tasks on my personal projects when I can come up with good ones. They're mostly not the sort of data curation or "gardening" tasks I talked about last time because I've run out of those (though the good thing about the debacle with Sony announcing they'd close the PS3/Vita/PSP stores (before backpedaling) is that getting my Vita and PS3 libraries in order was a great few-days-long gardening task). Instead, I've mostly been making small improvements to my various web projects. For example, yesterday I added entries for "fun pain" and "perfectible" to the game design glossary on the main Pixel Poppers site, which had been low priority on my to-do list for quite a while. Maybe next I'll update the site's mobile layout to put the navigation stuff in a hamburger menu instead of at the bottom.

This stuff requires more thought than the gardening tasks, so it's less relaxing, and I'm having to figure out new ways to relax. Video games have slotted back into my life as one of several ways to relax but I still approach them very differently from before. I no longer look for "go places and do things" games or seek to feel like I am occupying a world. I want the experience to feel contained and not take up space in my brain when I'm not playing it. I want it to be something I can easily pick up for a bit and have it not matter whether I ever come back to it. I've found that what works best is low-context arcade-style experiences (racers, puzzlers, twin-stick shooters, rhythm games, etc.) or story games that can be completed in a single sitting (short visual novels or walking simulators like What Remains of Edith Finch or Wide Ocean Big Jacket). Games that are based on larger-scale progression, exploration, or worldbuilding (RPGs, 3D platformers, probably open world games - which used to be some of my favorites) don't do much for me anymore and I've bounced off a few of them in the past couple months.

So it's still the case that games are occupying less of my mental real estate than before and I have less to say about them. I might still decide to post more stuff here - I have an idea file with about fifty seeds for potential posts, though I don't know how many of them are actually worth developing (does anyone care about the weird variety of ways Senran Kagura has handled DLC over the years, for example).

But the truth is... I haven't gotten what I've wanted out of Pixel Poppers for years. This could be a much longer essay, and it's one I've tried to write a few times, but in short: Back in Pixel Poppers's "golden age" when I first started posting regularly in 2009-2010, I got a lot of comments and discussion on my posts and I felt like I was actually part of a great community. I mostly stopped posting in order to focus on my job and by the time I came back in 2018, the internet was a very different place. I got a couple of comments here and there (more on Tumblr than anywhere else) but I mostly felt like I was talking into a void, which was terrible for my motivation to work hard on quality articles. My impression is that the game analysis community has almost all moved to YouTube and if I want to be part of it again I have to switch to making videos and chasing YouTube's mysterious and fickle algorithm and I just don't. want. that.

Please understand: This is not a dig on my audience or intended to make anyone feel guilty. You don't owe me comments or anything else. If you're reading this at all, I am grateful and I love you! This is just about me facing the reality of what I'm looking for and what I'd need to do to get it in the current landscape. And admitting that the advantage that I thought Pixel Poppers had over other projects - an established audience - is actually much smaller than I was considering it to be.

So I'm also thinking about switching gears to a different writing project, one focused more on things that are at the front of my mind these days. Possibly just a general thoughts blog (which, admittedly, would sometimes be about video games). Possibly a blog about what I do for a living. Possibly making more small games (I'm pretty happy with how Detectivania turned out, after all). Or possibly reviewing all 800+ episodes and films in the Star Trek franchise. Maybe more than one of these things, bouncing around with an irregular schedule, and even slotting in occasional Pixel Poppers posts along the way. And I have to decide how connected I want these things to be - part of me wants people who enjoy some of my projects to easily be able to find the rest, but I also like that right now I can have my identity cleanly compartmentalized and only attach my real name to some things (and thus it's harder for someone who dislikes my take on Dark Souls to doxx me and dig up my bad/outdated takes on other more widely-impactful things to fuel a harassment campaign or whatever).

That's where things stand today. I'm not dead. I'm still gaming a little. I may make small posts here every once in a while but I don't expect to invest a lot of time or effort into it in the near- to mid-term future. And I may or may not announce other projects publicly here. If you have feelings or questions about any of this, feel free to shoot me a DM or an email or whatever.

Thanks for reading.

#video gaming #neurodivergencies #meta #l-theanine

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m6p2s5gziax8 · 4 years

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Deconstructing Season 3 Jim Hopper

Note1 - I wrote this before the 2020.02.14 "Stranger Things 4 | From Russia with love" teaser. I'm glad they didn't try to drag out the "is Hopper really dead" question - he's 100% back! Note2 - Ok, now that so many of us are inside and ST4 is delayed, I'm going to finally post this and hope some folks find it interesting. Note3 - 6+ months later, I'm finally posting this for real, enjoy! :)

Please Read * !!! MASSIVE S3 SPOILERS !!! * I am a huge fan of Stranger Things and Jim Hopper. * This is a critical analysis of season 3 Jim Hopper, aka s3-Hop. * I would never want to sour anyone's enjoyment of the show or s3-Hop. * Please skip this essay if you enjoy s3-Hop! * If you viewed season 3 and thought "Hopper sure was different" or "Hopper wasn't enjoyable like in s1 and s2" then please read on!

uber-TL;DR * s3-Hopper was unbelievably and (for me) unenjoyably different from s1/s2 * for s4, my hope is this extreme character shift is acknowledged by Hopper to Mike, Eleven, and Joyce

longer-TL;DR There were many changes in Stranger Things with season 3: the mall, the bright color pallet, the love-quadrangle pitting El/Max vs Mike/Lucas, Dustin splitting off from the boys to join the Scoops Troop, and the campy, Scooby-Doo-esque Russian base plot. I can accept these changes and enjoy many of their elements.

But s3 brought one massive change that was not a new character, location, nemesis, or team combo: I felt Jim Hopper's character change was simply unbelievable and unenjoyable.

Sadly, I may be in a tiny minority that does not speak up or that critical comments about a beloved show get "black holed" by show boosters on social media. Many ST fans were sad and angry that Hopper appears to have died and the letter reading at the end of s3 was very dramatic and moving. So analysis, and especially criticism, of s3-Hop is frequently down-voted or not liked and thus not socialized.

This is an attempt to collect the thoughts of one very unhappy s1/s2-Hopper fan about s3-Hop. I hope readers will enjoy the long detailed analysis (sorry it is so long!) and I look forward to any comments and feedback.

FWIW, I'm a big Stranger Things fan and David Harbour is a great actor (even in s3) and a Good person IRL. I loved s1/s2 Jim Hopper and how he was written in the official book Darkness on the Edge of Town.

Here are some collected and reformatted writings I've done on Hopper and his s3 change. My fave ST character is Eleven so s3-Hop becoming so different and unenjoyable is particularly jarring for me.

s3-Hop was so different from s1/s2-Hop as to make it seem like he is a new character. Not only that, but I did not enjoy this new character who acts: * anxious * whiny * selfish * sarcastic * self-entitled * super-violent

Recall Hopper's pre-s3 history from s1, s2, and the official book Darkness on the Edge of Town: * volunteered for the military at 18 (not drafted) * 3 years combat in Vietnam, awarded Bronze Star * 2 years as a Hawkins policemen, marries, has a daughter * 6 years in New York City as a homicide detective * after his daughter dies, hits the bottle/pills, gets divorced * back in Hawkins as Chief of Police and dating women * goes into the Upside Down and literally brings Will back to life with Joyce * takes Eleven in, she runs away, they each apologize * Hop protects Eleven while she unloads at maximum to fend off the Mind Flayer and close the Gate * El goes to the Snow Ball dance and Mike comes over for 6 months to be with her (and smooch!)

Now look at s3-Hop - a very brief s3 timeline: * he's anxious, has no gravitas or authority - he gets advice from Joyce on El/Mike * the evening of s3e1, s3-Hop writes about "emotions" and how he's upset about change * Then s3-Hop continues writing wise words about life that are all read in s3e8 * AFTER writing why he's upset and these wise words, s3-Hop proceeds to act like a mega-jerk * he is gleeful when Eleven is upset that Mike is not coming over * s3-Hop bizarrely thinks whining to Joyce will make her like him * WORST OF ALL, s3-Hop does not say "daughter", "kid", "Eleven", or "El" from s3e2-s3e7

Hopper went from a mega-over-protective dad in s2 who was able to legally adopt Eleven right before the Snow Ball to a jarringly different character in s3. I can see s3-Hop making bad judgments and behaving badly but just not in this anxious/silly/immature way. Why not have him be brooding and angry? That would be consistent with s1/s2. I fear the writers wanted a whacky/silly/goofy characterization for s3-Hop so that's what we got instead.

I can not stress this point enough: Hopper went from being El's loving, protective parent to forgetting about her once he broke her and Mike apart.

At the start of s3e2, Hopper watching El being upset and storming into her room because she missed Mike, his smiling while eating cereal, and then gleefully singing while going to work is when I was broke and I thought: This is not my Hopper.

s3 Hopper and Eleven then Hopper forgets Eleven - an episodic timeline:

e1 - Hopper is anxious and unnerved by Mike visiting Eleven daily since it reduces s3-Hop's time with El e1 - Hopper lies to Mike about his Grandma being sick and then frightens him into not coming over

e2 - When Eleven is upset the next day about Mike not appearing, Hopper is joyful e2 - Note, the song played while s3-Hop is gleeful at Eleven's separation from Mike is the same one that was used when s2-Hop took El into his cabin and started cleaning it up. What a terrible ruination of a wonderful, charming moment from s2. When I hear "You Don't Mess Around with Jim" now I just think of how unhappy El was and how uncaring s3-Hop was of her feelings after he chased Mike away.

e3 - Hopper drives home drunk and enters the cabin yelling angrily only to burst in on El and Max with no Mike; s3-Hop is very happy e3 - Note, s3-Hop wrote in his letter the night before that he missed spending time with El so his accepting Max with El at the cabin is inconsistent with what he wrote.

e4 - Hop adventures with Joyce (no mention of Eleven)

e5 - Hop, Joyce, and now Alexei road trip on the way to Illinois e5 - Hop does not mention El but at the gas station Joyce is worried and calls Karen: JOY - Oh, hey, Karen, it's Joyce. Yeah, I... I'm just checking on Will. At the movies?

e6 - Alexei describes how the Russians are re-opening the Gate and Joyce quickly gets up: HOP - Where are you going? JOY - To call our children. e6 - Note, Joyce said "our children" so she is also worried for El while an indifferent Hop drinks vodka with Murray e6 - Hop calls the feds and afterwards sits down and lights a cigarette, then: JOY - So, now what? HOP - Now, we, uh... we wait. JOY - How long do we wait? HOP - As long as it takes. JOY - How can you just sit there being calm? HOP - I am not calm! JOY - Our kids are in danger! HOP - You said they were at the festival! JOY - Which is, like, ten minutes from the gate! HOP - What are you doing? Joyce? HOP - What are you doing? JOY - [she calls the feds again pressing them to hurry] e6 - Note, s3-Hop talks here (and in most of s3) with various combinations of sarcasm, exasperation, indifference, and irritation. Just hearing his tone is so unpleasant and jarringly different from s1/s2-Hop.

e7 - in the car ride home, Hopper sarcastically ridicules Joyce about her being concerned about the kids: HOP - Oh! Wait, that's right! We're on our way to rescue our children from the big, bad Fourth of July celebration! JOY - You know what, if you can't handle this, then just turn around and drop me off first. HOP - What are you gonna do? You gonna walk back to Hawkins? JOY - I will do anything if it gets me away from you!

e8 - FINALLY Hopper arrives at the Mall and holds Eleven while she drinks a soda and rests her wounded leg e8 - Inexplicably, Joyce agrees to go on a date with Hop before the climax when he disappears

Why did the Stranger Things writers change Jim Hopper so much and so negatively in s3?

I think the writers want us to enjoy (or experience in my case) a new, goofy, ha-ha, funny version of Hopper who: * can't parent a teenage girl dating a boy, * is chasing Joyce for a date and then a relationship while she is still grieving the loss of Bob, and * despite acting like a jerk "sacrifices" himself in the end.

Then, to cap the season off, we get gut punched emotionally by Eleven reading s3-Hop's letter.

The writers likely thought the viewers would fall into two groups: * s3-Hop likers who enjoy this new s3-Hop would be upset at his "death" and moved to tears by the letter * s3-Hop dislikers who were annoyed by s3-Hop would flip to likers because of his "sacrifice" and feel guilty so they are also moved to tears by the letter

But remember: the timing of s3-Hop writing the letter about emotions with sagely advice. He wrote it the end of s3e1, after getting advice from Joyce at the store and just before lying to and threatening Mike to break him up with El. I don't think the writers thought viewers would catch this since the letter is so dramatically read (awesome performances by David and Millie) way at the end of the season in s3e8 after s3-Hop disappeared.

Why did s3-Hop act so different from s1/s2 and so badly if he can write so openly and wisely in s3e1 about emotions in the letter?

Why does this dramatic character transition occur? * s1/s2-Hop - bad temper, apathetic, lackadaisical with a good heart and over-protective of Eleven * s3-Hop - anxious, whiny, sarcastic, immature, self-entitled, selfish and mocking of Joyce for worrying about the kids including El

The breaker with s3-Hop for me was his complete turn around regarding Eleven. For s3e1 his only interest was stopping Mike from coming over and taking up El's time which he wanted for himself. Once the breakup was achieved he was very happy despite El's obvious upset.

Note, after breaking up El/Mike we never see s3-Hop make Eggo extravaganzas or watch a western with Eleven like he said he yearned for in the letter. Nor does he mention it to Joyce after breaking El and Mike apart. He read El's note on the fridge and proceeded to adventure with Joyce, all the while whiny to her about wanting a relationship.

Joyce on three occasions showed concerned and called someone about "Will", "our children", and "Our kids" and finally she said to Hop "I will do anything if it gets me away from you" because of his mocking her concern. (That was my favorite line in s3! - Joyce is so awesome)

After breaking up Mike and Eleven, from e4 to e7 Hopper did not show concern or caring about his adopted daughter. It was not until s3e8 in the Mall when Hop is seen holding El while she sips a soda and later he talks to her and is loving and supportive.

Is this Jim Hopper from s2 who was an over-protective, super-loving father to Eleven? Does Mike coming over and using most of El's time turn this decorated Vietnam combat veteran, who was a 6 year NYC homicide detective and current Chief of Police into an anxious, shrill father who can't think straight?

Why not have Hopper react to wanting more time with Eleven and wanting to date Joyce like the normal s1/s2-Hop we know and love?

I blame the writers from wanting s3-Hop to have an arc from nervous/unhinged to "sacrificing himself" and then the letter being read.

I think the s3-Hop character change was done so we'd be gut punched when he "died" and then the letter was read. And there's the additional goal of getting Hopper to fit in with the "summer of love" theme of s3 with him breaking up a love pairing with El/Mike and pursuing his own love with Joyce.

But the timing of when Hop wrote the letter just doesn't make any sense because of how he acted later. Additionally, if s3-Hop can not follow the life advice he wrote down, why does he act badly in such a different way then when he acted badly in s1/s2?

Because of this extreme character change I sadly can not watch s3-Hop anymore without being upset. It's just so unbelievable and unenjoyable.

Did Sarah's death or Mike's dating Eleven or PTSD from Vietnan explain or justify Hopper's s3 change?

These items have been mentioned as possible explanations for s3-Hop being so different from s1/s2. I initially tried to use Mike dating El as an excuse for Hopper's changes but after three s3 viewings I gave up because of everything else I've written in this essay. Here are some reasons while these explanations do not work for me.

1) Sarah's death was wrapped up when Hopper and Joyce saved Will in the upside down. Hopper literally brought Will back to life, something he could not do with Sarah. This was in incredibly moving scene and the end of a powerful arc for Hopper. But the point is it was the end of the arc: Sarah's death still impacts Hopper in s2 dealing with Eleven but Sarah dying isn't a driving force for s3-Hop and how he acts. That arc wrapped up and though it guides s2-Hop, he still acts in a consistent manor. In season 3 there's no mention of Sarah making s3-Hop stressed out so that arc is not in play.

2) Mike dating Eleven and their disrespecting Hopper are certainly stresses for s3-Hop but his reaction to breaking them up is out of character. El and Mike giggle and whisper with each other. Then s3-Hop - an adult, parent, and police chief - cruelly lies to Mike that his grandma is sick and then holds him in the car and threatens him after Mike angrily used profanity. Many commenters call Mike a "little sh|t" and side with tough guy s3-Hop and his approach. It would be consistent and believable for s3-Hop to act like this at night and then the next morning to have shown some remorse or some kind of caring to Eleven. s3-Hop could have said "too bad Mike isn't coming, let's have Eggos tonight and watch a Western." But he did not say anything to El. Instead, he smiled and then happily sang in the car on the way to work.

3) PTSD does not explain s3-Hop's behavior since we never see any evidence in the show that he is having flashbacks or any issues related to Vietnam. Also, writers just can't use PTSD as a do-anything-whenever-you-want-with-a-character excuse. Not only is there no Vietnam PTSD evidence in the episodes, there are many quotes from the official book with Hopper that he does not have PTSD.

3a) In s1, s2, and s3 the words "Vietnam" and "veteran" are never spoken. The only indication of Vietnam is a box under under Hop's cabin floor that Eleven sees when she discovers the trap door. Hopper never speaks of dreams or flashbacks and there is no other indication he has PTSD from Vietnam. His divorce, drinking, and pill abuse are all from Sarah dying based on what we see in the episodes.

3b) From the official book Stranger Things: Darkness on the Edge of Town (published May 28 2019):

1984 DECEMBER 26 - 11 days after the Snow Ball Dance with Jim and El in the cabin: The truth was, Hopper realized, that he didn’t want to talk about Vietnam, not because it was a trauma or a personal demon, but because it was ancient history—but more than that, it felt like part of some other person’s life. Although he hadn’t really stopped to consider it properly, he was aware of how he had compartmentalized his past in his own mind. So, yes, Vietnam had been difficult, and he had come back changed—as most people did, of course—but it just wasn’t relevant, not anymore. That wasn’t him, not now. Because he had come to accept that there were really only two parts to his life. Before Sara. After Sara. And nothing else really mattered. Vietnam included. He just wasn’t quite sure how he was going to explain that to El. “Because,” said Hopper with a smile, “Vietnam was a long time ago. I mean, a really long time ago. And I’m not that person now.” He leaned forward on the table, resting on his elbows. “Look, I’m sorry, really. I can understand that you are curious. And I understand you want to know more about me. I’m your—” He paused. El raised an eyebrow, cocked her chin again, waiting for the response. Hopper sighed, happily. “I’m your dad, now. And yes, there is a lot you don’t know about me. Vietnam included. One day I’ll tell you about it, when you’re older.”

1977 JULY 13 - Homicide Detective Hopper in New York City: This was a support group for veterans of the Vietnam War. Hopper knew such groups existed. He knew full well that such groups were needed. That he’d come out of the war unscathed and with his marbles all where they should be was a blessing. Okay, it had changed him, and he wasn’t going to pretend that it hadn’t been difficult at times. But what the war had done to some people... He’d never felt the need to attend a meeting like this himself, but he was glad they were there for those who did feel that need.

How can Jim Hopper's portrayal recover in season 4?

First off, there is no doubt that David Harbour is returning to play Jim Hopper in season 4 (and s5 if there is one). This is David's big, career making role that is getting him award nominations/wins (the most for any adult ST actor), and he just got a huge raise (80k to 350k per episode). And, most importantly, he loves doing the show and the people in it (especially Millie).

Since what's done is done with s3-Hop, what can happen with Hopper in s4 to bring him back into a believable and enjoyable form for huge ST fans who miss s1/s2 Jim Hopper?

I am very much hoping that Hopper will dial back or eliminate his new s3 qualities, like being whiny, selfish, complaining constantly, etc. Please bring back some of his old s1/s2 strength and empathy under a grumpy exterior.

And I hope Hopper does a reset with three people:

1) Mike - Hopper needs to do more to make up to Mike than just saying "Mike, Be careful" like he did in s3e8 at the Mall. Hop should clearly say that he accepts Mike as El's boyfriend and that he knows he'll do everything possible to keep her safe. Which is actually what Mike did for all of s3 while s3-Hop was adventuring with Joyce.

2) Eleven - While the Letter explains why Hop was feeling upset (change, less time with El, etc), it does not justify how s3-Hop acted afterward when he lied and threatened Mike breaking them up. Hop needs to clearly apologize to Eleven for being selfish, immature, and inconsiderate.

3) Joyce - I hope that Hopper admits to Joyce that he acted like a jerk towards her and that he promises to be a better person in general and especially better with her. That's the only way I can make any sense out of Joyce and Hopper being any kind of couple: Hop has to own up to his terrible behavior towards Joyce and promise to be better.

The End! Sort of... :)

Well, you've read or skimmed or skipped all the way to the almost end and I thank you for taking time to look at my thoughts about Jim Hopper's portrayal in season 3. I still love Hop and think David does an incredible acting job with him in each season. I've been 100% sure he's coming back since the Duffers have bluntly said: no body = no death. So while I'm a little scared at how Hopper will be characterized in season 4, I'm also very excited to see it! Word is that season 4 will have more episodes (10, 11, 12?) than normal. Plus, the Duffers just signed a big deal with Netflix so I'm wondering if season 4 will be a semi-finale for the series and give the Duffers and the stars a break to do other stuff and then come back for a movie or a season after more ideas have percolated in the Duffers' creative minds.

So, here's looking forward to season 4 when we can see Jim Hopper evolve along with all the other great Stranger Things characters.

#stranger things #jim hopper #david harbour #millie bobby brown #winona ryder #finn wolfhard

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