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#If you can disarm a bomb and assemble a gun then you can follow step-by-step instructions to cook something simple and wholesome.
thecruellestmonth · 3 months
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Yes, poor people insist on eating cheap food and refusing to learn to cook. They wouldn't want better even if they did have the resources, that's just how they are by nature.
Thank you for correcting those ignorant Jason stans. Their headcanons of Jason being a good cook and enjoying fancy food are so seriously harmful.
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Cass (who canonically lacks a lot of home skills and greatly enjoys eating other people's food) is one of the best cooks. Bruce (canonically a terrible cook who can't even make a sandwich) "does okay"—sure, it's your headcanon. Alfred, the classy British guy, is logically a great cook and "super posh". We can sum up Tim's unimpressive cooking skills just briefly.
But we need an entire section describing your headcanon about how Jason can't cook and needs to stick to "poverty comfort foods", because he comes from a poor background.
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avengerleague · 6 years
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‘Mimic’
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Avengers x Female Reader
Chapter 1: Origin
Summary: The origin story for Y/n, a soon to be avenger. When a fight involving the avengers was the last thing you were expected to encounter on your walk back to your apartment one day. After trying to be a good Samaritan puts you in the wrong place at the wrong time, a strange device’s explosion cause results that you couldn’t have seen coming.
Word Count: 2690
a/n: Alright so in case you’re wondering the protagonist is going to have power mimicry. I didn’t want to be that bitch who spoils her own story but this is called ‘Mimic’ so I don’t think it would have been that hard to figure out anyway. I’ll further explain in the next chapter. Also, like I said in my last post, in my head this was going to end up being like Reader x Bucky but in a future scene I wrote out earlier it came together as a really cute Reader x Steve??? So if anyone has any opinions on this lmk like should I pick one, or try to do a love triangle type thing? w/e enjoy! Or don’t I can’t force you to feel anything!
Chapter 2   Chapter 3
New York City was no stranger to Avenger intervention. It was only a few short years ago that the they first assembled to save the world, in effect trashing the city as a whole. And while many New Yorkers still held a grudge about the widespread destruction that resulted, when chaos struck, there was no one else anyone would rather have around.
 You were only a few minutes from your apartment when you heard people start screaming at the end of the block. You stopped in your tracks and pulled your earbuds out of your ear as a wave of people rushed towards you and away from something; it was practically a stampede. The fight or flight in you told you to follow the crowd and run screaming in the opposite direction, but there was a curious part of you that wanted to see what was happening for yourself. You stuffed your phone and headphones in your pocket and began to push through the crowd. Swimming upstream was hard enough without being shoved and elbowed, but soon enough you broke through the end of the mob to see the rest of the street was almost completely open. Almost. About 100 feet from you 7 guys in all black facing away from you were fighting 3 people whose faces you couldn’t see, two guys and a girl. Like intense fighting. You could see that one of the guys in black had something in his back pack that was glowing through the fabric. You made out that one of the three was dressed strangely, like in a morphsuit, and then wait, did the girl just… and did the guy on the left just… it can’t be the --
 Before you could finish your thought, your eyes landed on something halfway between you and the people fighting. It was a little boy standing on the sidewalk crying, he must have lost his family in the chaos. He could only be about three or four and looked like he was too scared to move on his own. It’s not like you were the everyday hero type, but you couldn’t just leave the kid there.
 Sticking close to the buildings on your left, you made your way over to the boy. There were random objects and debris all over the street from the panic a few minutes earlier, so you head to weave and climb your way over. After a bit of struggle, you finally reached him and kneeled down to try to console him. His crying eased but he still gave a few quiet sobs. “Hi buddy it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay,” you lightly placed your hands on the sides of his arms. “Do you know were your mom or dad went?” The boy wiped his cheek and pointed in the direction the crowd left. Another loud yell caught your attention, except this time it was coming from the direction of the fight. Now that you were closer you had a better view. There were two guys in black knocked out on the ground, maybe dead! That wasn’t really any of your business. The source of the yelling was another one of the guys in black – he was floating a couple feet in the air. Down on the ground you saw a girl with a reddish cloud coming from her hands presumably levitating him. She looked vaguely familiar, like you might have seen her on the news. And though you weren’t sure of her name, the way she was suspending this guy in the air, you were pretty sure she was in the Avengers. Your eyes darted to the right of her; is that Captain fucking America who just knocked that other guy out? Something on the left caught your attention; a guy in a red and blue full body suit swung off a building and tied a guy up with what looked like webbing of some sort. You’d seen him before, but you had no idea he was in with the Avengers. He was spider something, the spider, Spiderman? That left only two of the bad guys to go. Captain America grabbed the glowing thing out of the guy he’d knocked out’s bag and ran a couple feet away from the fighting to examine it while the other two held off the remaining bad guys. Something flying overhead caught your eye. Hold on, was that Iron Man? This really was the Avengers.
 You shook yourself back into reality and refocused on this kid who desperately needed saving. You picked him up and tried to make your way back where you came from through the rubble. You’d only taken a few steps when you saw a woman come running towards you crying. The boy reached out towards her and called for her. You glanced back at Captain America; you were now close enough that you could hear him speaking into an earpiece while picking around at wires connected to the glowing box. “Tony, I’ve been able to shrink the blast radius and for the most part disarm the bomb, but I haven’t been able to stabilize it and I can’t get the timer to stop.” You didn’t have time to be concerned. You continued climbing through the debris and heard him talking into his earphone again from behind you, “How do we know it won’t be harmful? Even if it won’t physically blow something up we don’t know what it’s capable of”.
 You finally reached the woman at the middle of the street at a fallen piece of a building that was now blocking the entire street. It was low enough that you could pass the boy over it, but you would need a running start or a boost to get over it yourself. “Thank you so much, I don’t know how to thank you,” his mother said as you lifted the boy over the rubble into her arms. “We got separated with all the craziness and then I couldn’t get through all the people” she said through tears of relief. “I was only doing what anybody would do,” you assured once he was safely across. “Now you should get out of here. I can manage getting across myself.” The woman nodded her head and backed away. “Thank you, truly.” She turned and ran.
 You looked side to side along the piece of the barricaded street to find a place that you would be able to climb over and ran a couple feet to your left. You decided to take one final look back at Captain America and the Avengers. You looked over your shoulder and before you knew what was happening you were being dragged away from the barricade.
 The guy held you around your neck and shoulders and pressed a gun to your temple. You had your feet on the ground, but he was holding you at an angle where you couldn’t stand. You managed to look up and see it was one of the guys in black. “Drop the device.” He threatened, “Or else.” Captain America put the glowing thing down and sat back on his feet with his hands up. The only other remaining bad guy grabbed the device from in front of cap and joined the guy who was currently holding a gun to your head. The Avenger girl and the Spiderman guy ran up behind Captain America panting. It was a stand-off.
 Needless to say, this was not where you thought this day was going to end up when you woke up this morning.
 “Back away, and the girl will be fine,” the guy holding the device said.” That’s when two shots came and struck the guys in black out of the blue, like literally, out of the sky.” You fell onto your hands and knees and looked up to see the one and only Iron Man land next to the other avengers who were still about 30 feet away from you. In a semi-robotic voice from inside the suit you heard him say “We don’t negotiate with terrorists”. A majorly cool line, but you didn’t really have time to appreciate it.
 *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
 You looked at the glowing device still a few feet away from you and saw it was ticking down the final seconds until detonation. The avengers must have heard it too. One of them yelled “RUN!”
 Without thinking you took off in the opposite direction of the device. You saw the Spiderman shoot his web at it and the girl use whatever powers she had to try and get it away from you, but it was too late. A second later with a boom you were blasted back and hit the broken building in the middle of the street. You were lying on the ground, but you felt pretty much okay, you didn’t feel like you’d been seriously injured or affected in any way. You pushed your hair out of your face and looked up to see the girl was rushing over to you. The blast must have knocked one of the guys into the other because they were both on the ground. While they were on the ground though, they were in about the same place that they were before, so you gathered they weren’t thrown back like you were.  You looked around, Iron Man was gone.
 “Are you okay?” she asked kneeling in front of you. She had brown hair, a whisper of an eastern European accent, and looked around your age, maybe a little younger. You shook your head and nodded at the same time, mostly just in shock at this turn of events. “Yeah I’m, I’m fine. I think I’m fine.”
 “Steve only had time to shrink the blast radius to about 15 or 20 feet, so we were just out of reach, but you felt the full force. That’s why you were thrown back so far”. She pressed her earpiece into her ear and stopped talking, seemingly to hear someone talking to her. After a moment she nodded her head and refaced you. “Tony says that he scanned your vitals and you should be fine. No broken bones, no concussion, just a sprained wrist and some bruises.”
 “Tony Stark?” Your eyes practically popped out of your head. The girl nodded “He’ll be back, he’s making sure the explosion was contained to this block”. Billionaire, dreamboat Tony Stark had done a scan on your body. How much could he see? Should I even be thinking about this right now? No, I’m sure I shouldn’t, and yet…
 She offered you her hand and pulled you off the ground. “I’m Wanda by the way,” she said.
 You started “I’m –” but got cut off when Captain America and Spiderman ran over.
 You’d obviously seen pictures and videos of Steve Rogers before, hell, you even did a presentation on him once in middle school, but none of that could have told you about how utterly, downright handsome this man was in the flesh. “Wanda, is she okay?” He asked looking from you to her. The reason he probably hadn’t asked you himself was because your eyes were so wide from seeing him up-close and personal that you looked like you were in shock. Which you kind of were, but more of an attractive-man/avengers-shock than anything else.
 “She’s alright.”
 Captain America nodded his head and Iron Man (fucking Iron Man!) landed next to you. You gasped a little bit out of surprise but the other three seemed unphased by his falling out of the sky. Cap stuck his hand out towards you to shake.
 “I’m Steve.”
 You reached towards him, “I’m –” a reddish cloud came out from your hand just before it met his and he was thrown down the street, landing on his stomach. Steve groaned and pushed himself up to his elbows.
 For a moment nobody said anything. They looked from you to Captain America and back to you. You look down at your hands. You were just as shocked as they were. No, you were certainly more shocked.
 Iron Man points to Wanda, “I thought that was your thing?”
 “It looked like it was my thing, but it wasn’t me, I swear.”
 “What are there two of them?” Spiderman muffled through his mask throwing his hands up.
 Everyone turned to look at you. Cap walked back over, his hair slightly messier. You shook your head with wide eyes, “I swear that’s never happened before”. They all stayed silent for another moment.
 “Well,” Iron Man broke the silence, “She obviously has to come back with us.”
 Cap turned to him, “Hold on Tony, we don’t know what this situation was, we don’t know who these guys are. We’re lucky we were even around in the first place. This could be out of our jurisdiction.”
 Spiderman raised his hand, “Are we even sure we have a jurisdiction?”
 “Maybe we should take her to a hospital,” he continued.
 Iron Man shook his head, (or his helmet I guess). “Cap, she’s perfectly healthy, physically. A hospital would be completely useless. Whatever that was,” he said motioning to your hands, “Came from that glowstick on steroids. When someone can throw someone 15 feet in the air without touching them, that is very much in our jurisdiction.”
 Cap nodded his head realizing Tony was probably right. “Right. Now that all of that’s settled,” Tony Stark turned to you, “Are you ready to go to the Avengers facility?” You were more than a little thrown off. The avengers facility? That was like the Batcave, the inner sanctum. Should you just leave everything and go? Did you even have a choice? You didn’t like your job that much, you didn’t like your roommate that much, so what did you have to lose? “I’m in.”
 “Great! Now you four are all going to have to be quarantined until we figure out what’s wrong with this young lady, and if it affected the rest of you, you know, with your standing here right now”.
 “Hang on, what do you mean ‘you four’, what about you?” Wanda protested.
 “You may or may not have noticed, miss teenage drama queen, but I happen to be in an airtight suit with a filtration system. Nothing gets in here but pristine air” Tony boasted.
 “What about me?” Spiderman chimed in. “You designed my suit; did you give me a filtration system?”
 “No, that thing’s mostly polyester. Anyway, since you three were out of the blast radius I don’t think it should have affected you in the same way. I mean you two can’t make things fly with your hands, can you?” he said pointing to Spiderman and Cap. “Peter?”
 Spiderman – Peter, sighed and made an intensely half-hearted effort to mimic the hand motions you had seen Wanda doing earlier during the fight. You had to admit, it made him look pretty stupid, but nothing happened. “Yeah that’s what I figured. Super glad I got to see that though”. He leaned down and picked up the device. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.  just called four self-driving cars to bring you guys back upstate, and she let the police know to block off this street just in case it ends up being toxic or something.” You looked over at the others to see if they were as troubled by that statement as you were, and with the exception of Peter (who even through a mask you could tell had eyes nearly popping out of his head), they looked more inconvenienced and annoyed at Tony than anything. “I wouldn’t give it too much thought. So, I’m gonna fly back because I can fly, and I guess I’ll meet you all there”.
 Wanda rolled her eyes, “ You know you’re not the only Avenger who can fly, Tony.”
 “I don’t know, yours is more levitating. You can’t do distance. It’s sad.”
 “Suck it Tony”
 “Wow, she’s really catching on to American slang. ‘Suck it’, that’s really something. You teaching her this Parker?”
 Steve turned to you once more, “What did you say your name was again?”
 You let out a small laugh, “I actually didn’t get to say. I’m Y/n”.
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Chapter 2   Chapter 3
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