The Dragon and The Jester: A Nowen Total Drama Fantasy AU

The Truth As It Is Written

Once upon a time, there was a prince named Chris. He was fourth in line for the throne, yet was still promised a life of luxury.

This didn't matter to Chris. He wanted more.

He attempted to scheme his way to the throne. Each time he was thwarted before he could get too far. Each scheme was bolder than the last. Each one treason worthy of punishment. Yet his father couldn't bear to see any of his children hurt. No matter how much they hurt him.

So Chris was pardoned, over and over. For 35 years, this process continued. His father kept getting older, making his eldest sibling's coronation all the more looming. The threat turned into reality when his father revealed that he would relinquish the crown early for a peaceful retirement.

This, Chris couldn't allow.

On the day of his eldest siblings' coordination, all of the immediate royal family was gathered to celebrate the event. As joyous as the occasion was, the king was still wise enough to assume his ambitious son would plan something. He ordered extra guards to keep a steady eye out and watch for any tricks. Their focus was on the outsiders coming in to celebrate.

None could anticipate the ravenous dragon that swooped down from the sky.

When the dust settled and the last ember flickered, Prince Chris stood atop the ashes and named himself King. He announced that all who dared to oppose him would face the beast he had tamed.

Thus started his bloody campaign to annihilate all who could possibly challenge him for the crown. The Dragon torched soldiers and devoured civilians for the king's amusement. The mindless beast provided no mercy for those in its warpath.

With each life it destroyed, it grew larger. It was only the size of two wagons during its first rampage. By the time its growth slowed, only the tallest soldiers matched the height of a single claw.

The massacre grew even worse when the king debuted The Jester to the world. The old court jester had been one of the casualties of the first massacre. The first act of this jester was to desecrate his grave.

Where The Dragon struck, The Jester was soon to follow. The Jester ridiculed the grieving and made a mockery of the dead. He saw the ruins of towns suspected of harboring enemies of the king, and he laughed.

Worse still, The Jester was as brilliant as he was cruel. He would come along to battle and twist his words just right to anger enemies enough to break rank and weaken themselves. He had the ear of the king, and would whisper strategy of bloodshed and further destroying the morale of those who would oppose him.

Despite the odds stacked against them, resistance bloomed still. Pockets formed in the hopes of one day deposing King Chris and restoring peace to the kingdom. One even dared to form in the capitol, the heart of Chris' power.

In this pocket were two newer recruits: Owen and Noah. Owen, a palace guard in training to keep control of the masses through any bloody means necessary, who wished only to be a pacifist once the revolution was complete. Noah, a wizard-in-training who had been kidnapped from his home in service of the king who only wished to return to a family unthreatened.

Both have every reason to be loyal to the cause of the king's death. Neither could ever risk showing their full potential for the cause. They wanted to keep their heads.

No rebel would ever believe that The Dragon and The Jester deserved any form of mercy.

Even if their actions had never been their choice.

so sorry you've been getting these anons ana :( i thought as a native i could give my two cents on the fire lady katara trope? ill admit im more of a casual zutara shipper, so i havent seen a good chunk of the fandom, but ill give it my thoughts. for me personally, i am not a fan of fire lady katara- it's not particularly to do with the trope itself, but the execution often done by the fandom. ive discussed this with other natives before, but sometimes in the fire lady trope, it is often that katara moves to the fire nation, that she wears fire nation clothes and is surrounded by fire nation culture. obviously, that isn't wrong! the sharing of culture is a beautiful thing, but there is a good majority of fics where it feels like her water tribe culture is forgotten, that she is made to move permanently to the fire nation in favour of zuko. specifically in a post war climate, where a good majority of the people in the fire nation would still hold onto imperialist and racist beliefs, the idea of katara living there permanently is uncomfortable. i moved out of my mostly native village into a nearly fully white uni, and it's scary, and so when i apply those thoughts to katara living in the fire nation, its uncomfortable. and as for the rest, it's mainly just how sometimes it feels like the fandom doesn't value her culture as much as zukos, even unconsciously- it often feels like the fandom values the perceived glamour and power of the fire nation royalty, and finds fire nation culture more understandable than anything water tribe, and so prefer to have katara in a setting that is more 'easy' for them. in hand with this, is often the fandom perception that the water tribe is less progressive than the fire nation, that they are sexist and that zuko is giving katara a better life (i will say that this is not something i have not seen often, especially recently, but it is something i have discussed w people so i thought id mention it, especially since its usually not intentional). sorry this got so long, i went on a bit of a ramble but obviously this isn't the be all end all. like you said, there are lots of people who are fine, or enjoy fire lady katara because they perceive or write it differently, and that is fine! everyone perceives media differently, just like some people will be uncomfortable with zutara, some might not be. i just thought id send this as a reason why some of us do dislike the trope, and things to keep in mind when ppl are writing it

hi anon, thank you so much for sharing this with me! i really appreciate you taking the time to write out your thoughts and offer your perspective on this.

i definitely agree that the fire lady katara trope can be executed in some exceedingly problematic ways. there are many zutara fics that i've clicked out of for the reasons that you've mentioned, especially older ones that were written around when the show aired or shortly after. i won't deny at all that there are ways people write the zutara relationship that make me profoundly uncomfortable. my problem arises when someone assumes that the trope itself is inherently racist or wrong, instead of understanding that it can be written in a variety of ways by a variety of people, who bring their own perspectives - and prejudices - to their individual portrayals.

what you said about moving from your mostly native village to a fully white university really struck a chord with me because (although it's not the same, and can never be) i can really sympathize with those feelings of alienation and sudden lack of belonging. i'm part of the desi diaspora myself, and i've grown up in a country where i've always been the minority, and had to deal with racism and ignorance, so your experience really spoke to me. i hope that doesn't come across like i'm trying to co-opt your struggle or anything like that, because that was not my intention at all. i just wanted to let you know that i can understand what a scary feeling it is, even if not exactly in the same way.

that being said, personally if i could choose between spending my life in india or growing up overseas, i would still choose to do the latter even if it meant living through the bigotry and ostracization i've experienced again. i love the life i've built here, though it's a more difficult one than what i could've led back home.

in the context of atla, i agree that katara would most likely face racism and discrimination in the fire nation, at least in the immediate years following the war. but personally i also find a very empowering narrative in seeing her confront and dismantle the prejudices within the fire nation system, just as she did with the sexism of the northern water tribe. katara wouldn't abide bigotry in any form, and i think fighting inequality is a battle that she would want to take on, and would willingly choose to take on whether she ended up with zuko or not. that's why i take issue with the insistence that her becoming queen of the fire nation inherently equates to her victimization, because it can also very much be a power fantasy, and i know many woc who do see it as such.

(of course, that is just my own perspective, and i completely understand why others see it differently and might not be comfortable with it. their feelings are just as valid and legitimate.)

ultimately, i think correctly executing the fire lady katara trope isn't just about katara herself valuing her culture, but zuko doing it as well. i love seeing explorations of the trope (and the zutara relationship in general) where zuko takes an active interest in katara's heritage, incorporates her traditions and practices into his own life and home, and involves himself in her culture just as much as she involves herself in his. zutara is a ship that has always been about equality to me, and that's something that can and should carry over to how they blend their cultures together. like you said, there is nothing wrong in katara wearing fire nation clothes, or being surrounded by fire nation culture - so long as she isn't the only one in the relationship taking an interest in her partner's heritage. thankfully, in most zutara content i've seen, she isn't.

in my own personal view of katara becoming fire lady, it happens only years after the war ends. she spends her time postwar travelling the world and kicking ass, empowering women in the north to learn waterbending, rebuilding the southern water tribe, meeting and learning from everyone she can. when she becomes fire lady, she continues to travel often - home, of course, but also to the other nations when necessary, using her skill of inspiring and motivating others, and her desire to help the less fortunate, in matters of international diplomacy. when she returns, her husband is in blue, and her children wear whalebone beads in their hair, and there are fire flakes next to stewed sea prunes on her dining table. there are hard times, but there is also love and respect, and so she changes the world as she damn well deserved to in canon.

any new Star Wars essays in the making, or are you moving on?

I don't know, honestly.

Part of it is "life gets in the way," I'm working a lot and so whatever time I have left is spent just messing around or meeting with my loved ones.

I've got a bunch of stuff in my drafts. I don't mind sharing it here, most recent to oldest:

Sort of a joke post of me pointing out how stressful being George Lucas' producer must've been, like this guy really DIDN'T WANT to write his fucking scripts, did he? Poor Rick McCallum. Abandoned because who gives a crap.

'Ask' reply on how EU-fueled fandom perception of the Jedi was flipped by the prequels.

'Ask' reply about the themes in Ahsoka and why the show doesn't know what it's about. Problem is, I go about it starting from the basics, so nobody's gonna sit through reading a tematic breakdown of the first Pirates of the Carribean movie, The Batman and the original six Star Wars films before I even get to the show at hand.

"Part II" post about what Ahsoka, Rebels and TCW get right about lightsaber duels, which the Prequels never did.

Quote collection & analysis on just how complex the Prequels were meant to be (in the late 80s, Lucas intimated that the Sequels were the story that was supposed to have gray morality, not the Prequels)

Quote collection on how the themes and principles of Star Wars align with Lucas' own opinions and philosophies.

Quote collection on Lucas defining Anakin's flaws.

Quote collection on Lucas talking about the fact that we need to be more proactive, which aligns with what Lumi points out sometimes about the Jedi: they should've been more politically engaged because we all should be.

Why I approach Lucas as "word of god".

Personal life/joke-y post dating from the time of the WGA strike about how Jack Black's School of Rock lyrics "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, but the legend of the rent was way past due!" applied to me. Abandoned because I didn't wanna bum everyone out.

Correcting the notion that Dark Times-era Jedi such as Kanan or Ezra or Ahsoka represent what Jedi were supposed to be.

A comprehensive end-all outlook on how Anakin's flaws all tie together. I've written this one twice and I don't know how to differentiate it from my other posts.

A secret "Part 3" to my TLJ Luke post, in which I point out that RJ's being too "indie", while being a strong point for a big chunk of the film, hampers the film's ability to make Luke feel as badass as he does on paper. I want to illustrate a storyboard for this one, but that takes time.

The evolution of Star Wars' approach to transmedia.

Debunking Star Wars myths: a (very) comprehensive outlook on children in the Jedi Order.

Problem is that only like 2/3rds of these are fully-written... and I still need to find the relevant clips, turn them into GIFs, etc etc.

There's many other interesting Asks in my inbox btw. But I'm already behind on all these, so I haven't begun to touch them.

Then there's the drawings.

I wanna draw a comic of the meeting between Yoda and Dooku in Dark Rendezvous. I wanna finish the comic fight between Maul and Ben. I wanna draw Mace, Shaak Ti, I've got a Luminara fan-art that was supposed to be ready for Jedi June 2022 and an Anakin drawing that looks weird. No time, nor am I skilled enough. (Like, I trace, that's what I do, it's not a secret I've said so before... but it takes me a long while to do so. I'm not fast at drawing, let alone coloring.) I could commission some of these, but there are obvious obstacles there.

There's fun tidbits I've discovered here and there but nobody will care about them and I usually try to not drown my blog with bs posts.

Then there's the bigger problem.

All the things I've listed above? I'm not 100% motivated to finish. But a lot of the new stuff I wanna write about is hella negative.

I had a lot of stuff I wanted to say about Ahsoka. But it wasn't all good. It was mostly me bitching, be it about the show or the fandom's reactions to it.

I've also got more stuff to say about Filoni's take on Star Wars, but I've talked about why it's inaccurate like 8 times already, and I don't actually dislike the guy, like there's plenty of things he knows and does that I think are awesome but also people won't stop putting him and his takes on a pedestal and--

oh shit, there's Acolyte too, I forgot about that, gray morality galore, here we come. But here too, like... I've talked a couple of times about why this entire gray morality thing is actually just the gen X-ers trying to make the prequels "cool" and "complex". but I've never explored properly, with quotes and research and shit. but i've talked about it so many times that at this point it'd end up like the Filoni rants, redundant. "we get it already." as if this show didn't have haters lined round the block for absolutely sexist reasons.

Don't get me started on the mountain of lies and/or idiocy that is the YouTuber Star Wars Theory.

And yet he said one thing a few months ago which struck a chord within me and it's the fact that Andor is awesome, excels on all levels because it's treated seriously, like a proper show, not a Disney Plus one... why wasn't Obi-Wan Kenobi? Why wasn't Book of Boba Fett? And I've already established multiple times that I enjoyed Kenobi (yes, including the Reva parts) and I've established that I know what they were going for in Fett and I've established that this is mainly a "Disney Plus didn't know how to structure a fucking show pre-WGA strike" issue more than anything else... but when I think about how these could've been treated instead? When I look at the characterizations and emotional stakes of like Fargo Season 5? It's infuriating. Because it's not bad (talking about Kenobi, BOBF is awful)... but it could've been EXCELLENT and instead it was just "okay" to "good".

I just miss live action lightsaber duels, man. Like, good ones.

and i dunno. maybe I should just let it rip on all this. "go off, king!"

but I think there's so much negativity re: Star Wars that adding my thoughts on these subjects, no matter how structured and reason, will just blend into a wave of needless, un-constructive hate.

maybe I should finish the writings in the drafts and just post them with no gifs, maybe just still images?

but doing any of that feels like a step back.

So that's where I'm at right now.

What do you think about the main story ending after playing the game for so long?

The story isn't ending. That's not like a denial response, the story isn't ending. That would be an incredibly poor financial decision on SSE's part.

Look, maybe it is. Maybe SSE is aiming to wrap up SSO and shut down the servers on the end of the story arc. We don't know the pace of "Beginning of the End" coming out, it may give SSO three more years to finish telling the one story they wanted to tell. But on account of SSE finally redesigning early gameplay, it makes very little sense to overhaul all of SSO's gameplay and then shut it down shortly after. That kind of change should set SSO up for many more years to come. But I don't see ending the story and making SSO a social hub kind of MMO really being good for retention. I'm sure there are some, but if the story ends completely, then a chunk of folks are going to get caught up and stop coming back. And when those folks start to dwindle, so will other groups of folks because there are less and less people online.

What is happening is the end of the Garnok arc, which I've already said, needs to happen. This story has been being told since 2005, almost two decades at this point. It needs to end so the story can stop getting written into a corner, particularly when it comes to introducing new NPCs. And after Garnok gets defeated, SSE is open to telling all kinds of stories and introduce new characters, just some of which being:

What's up with the witches and their coven politics? How do they feel about the Vala? Are there more Vala? Is their magic affected in any way by not having access to Garnok or Pandoria?

If the Soul Riders and druids lose their powers after the Garnok fight because the connection with Pandoria is severed as Ydris said had to happen in the quests, how are they going to handle new threats? How does not having their powers affect the Soul Riders as people?

What does happen to Pandoria after Garnok is gone? Defeating Garnok doesn't remove all of DC or the damage they did, so what happens after?

What happens between the druids and DC afterwards? Like in actual politics, there are massive explosions going on in the modern era, someone is going to report that. There are going to be legal battles for both sides, how do those play out?

Most recent story snack has introduced morally gray trees, what are they going to do when the connection between Jorvik and Pandoria is severed? Do they still have access through the Brambletween or do they need to seek out new worlds? Can they survive without a source of magic to sustain them?

We're only seen 1/4 of the island of Jorvik, that's 3 more massive zones to be added (I will circle back to this one).

Half a dozen other portals we don't know where they go to like the Doors and the Icendell portal, not to mention other worlds like the Cloud Kingdom and wherever the Caprans are from. And anything else the Between or Brambletween is connected to, all possibilities to explore.

The politics thing again, DC getting overthrown leaves a massive power vacuum, assets, and probably some of the generals behind. SSE can handwave killing goons all they want, but I doubt they'll have the PC kill any of the generals, so what happens to them after? Do they die when Garnok dies? Who tries to step in to fill the void? Sure there's no Garnok, but there are all of the resources DC had and bound to be another world full of magic that can be manipulated. If it's just power they're after, I'm sure whatever rainy day magic DC had could still give someone quite a bit of that for a while to come.

Ok, but what does happen to Jorvik when the connection with magic gets severed? There is so much magic infrastructure built into the island now, what happens when it fails? What parts of it are native to Jorvik at this point? Do those things start dying? Does Jorvik establish its own source of magic? Does it bring back Aideen? Does it fully cut Jorvik off from Aideen? That could hypothetically kill the magic horses, and I don't think SSE would let that canon happen, so where is that new magic?

What happens to the MC after? Like do they lose their magic? Like, congrats, you got dragged into this quest after coming here for summer camp, like 3 months later you've got no magic and trauma. One of those I don't see SSE tackling, but where I can see the Soul Riders retiring or being more cyclable characters in the story, the MC has to be in the story. So what happens to them after? How do they reestablish themselves as important when their chosen one task is complete?

Secret other option, there's so much lore, I'm sure y'all can find another thing from the new lore that I don't remember.

I think the most set up story arc after the Garnok arc would be to start the Witch Wars arc. We know witches don't get their magic from Pandoria, so following the defeat of Garnok and the loss of Pandoria's magic, it makes the most sense for the druids to try and take some pointers from Mrs. Holdsworth. Which opens up the politics in the fallout of the druids vs DC battle and the sudden shift in magic between covens. And with the Vala making a very big play in the end of the Garnok arc, I'm sure there are some other witches with some feelings. Established NPCs there to introduce us to new NPCs, follows through on questions left over from the previous arc, lots of potential for new gameplay. That also sets up perfectly for a new 1/4 of the map, the northwest corner, as we know the shadow witches are in Northern Jorvik, and the fallout with DC very reasonably could take us to Pine Hill Mansion to make sure there aren't anymore loose ends/contingency plans Sands has set up.

I think also that folks should start working through the idea that the quarters of the map will be locked behind a paywall, like an expansion. There are plenty of buy to play MMOs who have this model, and I think realistically, it's one SSO will follow. Also following other MMOs, $20-$30 USD for several years of expansion is well within a reasonable ask in my opinion. It's not a microtransaction, it's a permanent add on, and I think holds way more value than what that amount of SC can get you in game currently.

But yeah. It would be a very poor financial decision to keep SSO going and not continue the story, and I think SSO is making too much money to not continue keeping the game going, so that would need a new story. There's going to be a new main arc, some archthreat comparable to Garnok, and a new way of looking at magic, which would time perfectly with SSE's promises of letting us use magic more actively. Start a new magic system, don't worry about adapting over the original one into mechanics.

all the #young vet au world building and background posts are sooo good <3

would love love love to know more about how the boys were able to 'date' when they first got together - the stuff you're already explored (like the first kiss) makes my heart ache with the cuteness

(i'm sorry if i missed it but are they the same age as the #mota boys here?)

good luck with your busy week :)

yeahh the ages are more or less the same!!! i have it in my head (and in the planning doc for the during-war fic that may or may not be written...eventually) that gale enlists when he's 21/bucky is 3 years older than him. i ended up bumping curt's age up by a year bc i wanted him to have an extra year on bucky lol, and ken is still the wittle baby of the gang! everyone else i could not tell you their birthdays off the top of my head anyways lmfao so you can just assume theyre the same age as they are in the show/historically. putting a chunk of my during-war planning doc below for ref but it is very word salady so sorry about that!

(while i loveee hyperrealism i am fucking a whole lot with how exactly tech school works bc i still wanted the bucks to both be pilots alongside being security forces/EOD and that's...not exactly how the air force works in reality lol. the path to be a pilot is completely diff then basic -> tech school. butttt this is a work of fanfic so in the interest of grinding my teeth and taking some creative liberties flight school is built into tech school and they maybe continue flight training while they're in africa. also random side bar, re: actually fully leaving the air force aftert they leave afghanistan, i currently have croz in my mind as staying in. lives in the uk bc he ended up getting sent to a RAF base that supports the us air force there, maybe RAF mildenhall? rosie also stays in for a lil longer because he almost goes down the JAG path but decides not to. still have to figure out what exactly im doing with the others outside of the core four who do just get straight out (core four as in bucky/gale/curt/ken).)

anyyways....to your actual question LOL. like i've said before i think it gets more practical when they're in afghanistan. obv *war wise* its more chaotic but they have their lil bunk room with curt and dickie and can let their guard down a little more. not just with them but with the other guys that they become closer with. it's still not ideal and they still can't manitain a relationship like they'd be able to in the states but. they find 'their things'. when i was messing with tech school stuff i threw around something that curt kinda ribs at them for being sitting practically in each other's laps on the couch when reading for class. and given how bookish they both are (gale more non-fictiony, bucky fiction) i think that'd be a cute lil something they do overseas too as ~enrichment time~. and if one or both of em has had a really rough day maybe instead of doing their own silent reading one of them reads out loud to the other one. it's just comforting <3 its the little things that are the Big things over there bc it does take an actual effort to make even that time for each other y'know? apparently bagram had a tiny subway that was open 24 hours a day, makes me chuckle thinking about them going there at odd hours, maybe when they can't sleep, just to be together when its mostly quiet.

Also we've all written essays about how good Zeno's voice acting for Hunter is, because it's great, BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT TATI GABRIELLE AS WILLOW THIS EPISODE??? THE FUCKING RANGE AND DEPTH OF EMOTION SHE PORTRAYED HERE!!! The effortless return to anxious s1 willow's voice but this time more raw and vulnerable bc this is a willow who isn't as used to the fear and self-hatred as she used to be and it's scary for her!! The heartbreaking voice crack when she says "I can't do this". Tati's done such a good job subtly making willow sound older as s2 progressed, and then plays with it so well here I just. AUGH! RAGRAGHRSGH BITING AND CLAWING SHE WAS SO GOOD!!!!

I LOVE TATI GABRIELLE'S WILLOW VOICE. I've always found it so distinct and adorable and cartoonishly plucky yet authentic and full of heart. I love that it's a little scratchy, a little crackly. I love that it's so high pitched that it sometimes cracks or squeaks when she gets emotional. I've got a pretty high pitched voice too and it does that occasionally, so I love to see it.

Her line delivery has always been so funny. It being so cutesy and silly sounding really adds to the comedy. ("Not if I never look down :)") However, it took a while before Tati was fully allowed to go bonkers in the booth. Nothing too crazy. Quirky best friend stuff. I mean they eventually let her loose on Inner Willow and she fucking snapped!!! So the amazing emotional range that she was capable of was always THERE, waiting to be utilized. But then they kinda had to set her aside for the rest of the season and a chunk of next one.

But she's gotten so many golden moments since then. Humor and this bright optimistic determination and uncertainty and passive aggressiveness and devastation and sweetness and ANGER. Some of my fave s2 line reads from her that have so much personality include:

"The real Emperor was society all along..."

"I can do this! .....right?" (Turns out this shit was foreshadowing, wow.)

"Still think we're pathetic? :)"

"I....thought I could be good at this..."

"I didn't want to draw attention to Luz and Eda.... :/"

"I don't WANT your protection!!! I want you to see who I really am!!!!"

"Thanks, Hunter..." (I remember somebody saying after LR aired that if huntlow isn't canon then somebody needs to inform Tati Gabrielle because why does she say his name Like That?)

"There's always a way to help. You just have to look for the right opportunity <3"

But GOD YEAH!!! She's so good in FTF!!!! I love that she brings such a broad range of emotions. Tenderness and tenacity!!! One minute she's cooing over grass and the next she's threatening to punch Belos through the face!!!! I love her!!!!

That bright chipper tone of hers that gradually begins to fall apart as she's hit with blow after blow.

The quiet warmth of the photograph scene, following by how her voice quakes with hurt and humiliation and her transparent attempts to play it off like it's fine. Her angry outburst at Boscha. The whoooooooole vine scene. Everything about it!!! She's so good!!!!

(I especially love the quivering "Hello...?" when she realizes that Hunter and Gus aren't with her anymore. It really does emphasize her feelings of isolation and terror at the belief that said isolation is HER OWN FAULT. UGGHH!!!)

TATI GABRIELLE!!!!!!!!

okay so, to have a place for consolidated information for the next little bit, since i'm sure folks have QUESTIONS given my incredibly aggressive gallows humour

MOCHI, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?? (guts edition)

if you got here via a link, follow this link instead for the latest update here's updates 1.5, 2.0, and 3.0 !

tldr ive been getting a number of recurrent small bowel obstructions located in my duodenum (first part of the small intestine, connecting the stomach to the rest of the bowel) due to external pressure on the duodenum around the 3rd to 4th (of 4) section. what's causing the pressure?? no clue actually ive done a bazillion scans and none of them have been quite clear enough for a real confident dx so i get to have surgery about it at some point in the near future

current theory is the pressure is from some sort of non-cancerous tumor mass and the plan is to cut me open nice and big, look about, and remove both this mass and the affected section of the duodenum (.5 of an organ) at a minimum, but may involve fully bipassing the duodenum when my guts get hooked back up to my stomach which could (would???) also require removing my gallbladder (1 and 2 organs respectively) (i'm having so much yanked out of my abdomen this summer jfc)

atm i'm still waiting for scheduling to give me a call to set things up. surgeon's estimate was 4-5 weeks from now (8/17 when he called). from that point i'll spend a week-ish in the hospital to make sure all hoses are firmly affixed, and then i'll have a month at a minimum before i'm reasonably healed and can go back to normal life

i have good insurance and the luck (????) of being incredibly ill at the best of times, so i've already hit my out of pocket max and thus this WHOLE THING even back dating to my first er visit end of june will cost a whopping 189$ that i've already paid. i also should qualify for my states paid medical leave and my wife will get a hefty chunk of change for living expenses via student loans. however, both those things won't hit until late september at the earliest

long term, im not expecting much of a financial burden, but short term we could use a hand with groceries and similar while we wait for my backpay and my wife's student loans

for venmo and paypal: i am @/sumomomochi for both and either is fine, though pp is labeled as a business account so pls mark f&f if you can

i also have this amazon wishlist ( https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/N1NSTH3JPCX2?ref_=wl_share ) that is like 90% meal replacement shakes and bulk shelf stable snacks, but also has a couple of other useful things like bathing wipes since i am unlikely to be able to shower well post surgery, pj pants for when it cools down (i went up a size with t because my ass and thighs got just so beefy and thus have one pair that fits rn lmao), and cat food for the penni (gotta keep my nurse well paid)

uuuh what else

like i said, i'm incredibly ill at the best of times so i am a champ at weathering this sort of stuff its nbd. "i'm sorry"s are not helpful, i'd much rather have people ask direct specific questions, either about my health status or things i'm doing to keep busy (ie "any new and fun things causing tummy issues?" or "hows your battle vest coming?" or "whats your fav line youve written this week?"). engagement and entertainment is Important to keep me from climbing the walls but i swear i will bite at straight sympathy

things ive been doing to keep me out of the er include: laying on my left side or stomach (The Digestion Position; helps get food past the squished part); eating a semi-liquid diet (hence ensure, jello, pudding, the like, though its important that i also eat solid food as much as is tolerated, which is such a delicate balance. this is why i cannot currently work); going on stupid little walks for my stupid digestive health (honestly the most important thing i can do, which im mad about, because it requires pants, but not only encourages guts to digest but also will help me not decondition, which i have already done a lot of :I)

things YOU can do to help (because i know *i* am a helper but also what is actually helpful??): financially with the above deets (no pressure); asks, comments, and other conversational interactions (i am absolutely chill with basically any kind of question and i dont mind dms if youd prefer privacy, just dont pedestal me i promise i am just A Dude); fanart for my fics (i do not care if you "cant draw" i will still love it); prompts for fandom but not necessarily fic projects (wardrobe moodboards/meta for characters, playlists/songs, smut writing how to questions, cosplay progress/plans qs, those "what was x's pov in this scene/what specifically happened between x and y in this fic?" qs andor other ask meme things idk dude i haven't been able to do shit for almost three months im booooored)

in conclusion

nurse penni says do not worry about herb patient, he is in good hands, just be sure to offer regular enrichment

I'm just gonna say this because I am SO done with seeing this shit.

As a trans, enby, demisexual lesbian, I am fucking sick of seeing people hate on huntlow because its "straight"

Like that is such a dumb fucking reason to hate on a perfectly healthy ship. Who cares if its queer or not? It's still a wonderful written ship. And it might not even be straight!

Like I said I'm literally queer myself and I far prefer huntlow over the two cannon queer ships. I don't prefer huntlow because its not queer, and I dont prefer lumity or raeda because they are queer. By that logic every queer person would have to prefer every queer ship in existence over a straight ship, even if the queer ship's rep is done poorly or is straight up offensive. That logic just makes no fucking sense. I've seen people call huntlow shippers queerphobic for preferring huntlow over the cannon queer ships. NEWS FLASH: MANY HUNTLOW SHIPPERS ARE QUEER THEMSELVES. (Including me!)

I prefer huntlow over Lumity and Raeda simply because I think its written the best out of the 3 and simply because Hunter and Willow are my favorite two characters in the show. I just don't care about Eda, Raine, Luz, or Amity NEARLY as much as Hunter and Willow. I'm not saying I don't like these characters or lumity or raeda, I'm just indifferent about them. I fully acknowledge just how well written and important these ships are to queer rep and queer history, and there is literally nothing wrong with them. These ships and characters just don't do it for me the same way Huntlow does. You can just not care about a ship and not have to morally justify your reasoning. I don't care about Lumity or Raeda, yet do you see me trying to aruge those ships are morally wrong? No. You don't. There is literally nothing morally wrong with them. Same thing applies to huntlow. There is literally nothing morally wrong with Huntlow, yet I constantly see people pull shit out of their ass to try and morally justify their reasoning to hate huntlow.

News Flash: You can hate something and not have to morally justify why.

Plus, Huntlow is still amazing rep. It's not queer rep, sure, but we already got two MONUMENTAL queer ships in TOH that have literally made history. Huntlow has a different kind of rep, as it's the best plus sized ship rep I've ever seen. How many times does a boy described as sickly and scrawny fall in love with a plus-sized girl? And how many times does that happen where the plus-sized character doesn't try and diet or gets a "makeover" and loses weight so their love interest will love them more? This kind of rep is so unheard of and it is INCREDIBLY important, especially in a kid's show. I have heard countless stories of plus sized young kids (and adults!) talking about how much this kind of rep means to them. I heard from a person who was told that they would never find love because of their weight, find extreme comfort with huntlow's plus sized rep. This ship could literally save lives with this kind of rep. (Could prevent people from failing into eating disorders, or could help people recover). This rep is SO important for plus-sized people.

Also people who say huntlow gets more attention then Lumity or raeda, I seriously DO NOT know what rock you're living under. Lumity and Raeda are pretty much universally accepted in the fandom as the top 2 ships, while Huntlow has pretty much remained controversial from the very beginning. Sure, now the majority of the fandom supports huntlow, but back in the ASIAS days it was fucking brutal. (I literally almost quit shipping it because of the blacklash on my first huntlow post). And even now, despite it being a minority, there is still a good chunk of people in the fandom who are huntlow antis. Huntlow is NOT getting more attention then Radea or Lumity just because its straight. If anything, Radea and Lumity are MUCH more popular in the fandom then huntlow. Like are you fucking kidding me with this???

Plus we don't even know if this is truly straight! For all we know Hunter or Willow could be bi, pan, omni. It could just be a straight passing relationship, and people aren't less queer for being in straight passing relationships!

So yeah. Go find a legitimate reason to hate on a ship.

2, 11 & 28 for the writing asks!

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

Oh King Dorephan! I basically realized that the first half of this chapter could be made so much more concise by just telling it all from his point of view so that's what I'm doing! I love Dorephan a lot - he's lost so much but in both BotW and TotK he's just so. genuinely friendly and kind ; ;

11. a WIP you’d like to finish someday

SOBS ANY OF THEM??????? I will cheat and say... THREE

the Stranger Things season 4 fix-it fic because I have made so many friends via the Hellcheer ship but have not written anything for them aside from some Spotify Wrapped drabbles that probably weren't even that good slfjeslkjes I know it's dumb but I just feel like I owe them for being so COOL!!! and NICE. ; ; and also I've been wanted to try my hand at some form of "the plot of the show still happens but fuck u everyone lives" AU for this show for years now

Sunshine Serenade because it is. 1000% for me. HAHAHAHA I've had it fully planned out in my head for years now and I just. need to write it. Writing is so hard y'all

the Gravity Falls retelling AU that, like the ST fic, is still only in planning stages. I have so many GIGANTIC AUs for so many different fandoms that I'll probably never write, but this is like. the single one that I have started planning in earnest. and actually I do have... a chunk of the first "episode" written I think? somewhere in my scraps

28. your least favorite part of the writing process

Ughhhhhh probably like. the entire first draft. battling that empty page while all the different pieces of writing advice you've ever heard wrestle each other in your mind. it used to be so much easier for me as a teenager and now I think I overthink everything haha

man, trying to find good fan-written work featuring a blind/visually impaired character (or reader) is like wading through waterfalls of literal shit. like I hate being mean about this kinda stuff, I understand not everyone on the planet knows what it's like to not be able to see properly, but for the love of GOD, GOOGLE IT. OR ASK SOMEONE. OR JUST DON'T WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING YOU KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING ABOUT.

if you're hell bent on writing a visually impaired or blind person, here are some quick pointers so you don't come across as an ableist prick:

99% of us don't hate being blind. some of us were born this way. others have had plenty of time to come to terms with whatever happened to us. for a whole lot of us, it is simply a fact of life, and not something we even really think a lot about on a day to day basis. I am sure there are tons of low vision people out there that do hate it, but it is an incredibly individualised and nuanced experience. please for the love of all literary goodness, don't do the whole "oh woe is me, I'm blind, however will I go on!!!" thing. it's tired, overdone, and frankly a little insensitive.

WE DON'T JUST SEE DARKNESS. WE DON'T SEE BLACK. WE DO NOT SEE. for some people, like myself, we have significant vision loss, but can still see clearly enough to move through life without much difficulty. for others, they might have large blind spots, and small sections of vision to rely on. only a very small percentage of us have absolutely 0 vision, and in those cases, it isn't "darkness" or "pitch black" that one sees- it is nothing. I know it can be hard to wrap your head around, but a common example used is: bend your arm and point your elbow forward. what does your elbow see? nothing, right? not blackness, not darkness- just the absence of sight. that is what total blindness looks like.

ok, so I'm aware this one people are getting better about, but it bears repeating: blind people do not touch faces to "see" them. why the fuck would we do that. I'm sure with close family members, romantic partners, or even friends, it may be something one does just for the fuck of it, or to make note of a specific feature (i.e. hair texture, nose shape, scars, etc,) but nobody is out here using their fingers to map out people's faces just on the reg. do you have any idea how awkward that would be. I don't know where your face has been, and I'd frankly rather just imagine the specifics of your features and admire your blurry visage WITHOUT my fingies, thank you very much.

OUR OTHER SENSES ARE NOT MAGICALLY ENHANCED. we're not superheroes, we're disabled. sure, over time, we might come to rely on our other senses more, and hone them better, but we're not fucking Daredevil. I can't hear the buzzing of my lightbulbs because I'm legally blind and super cool (unfortunately,) I hear them because I'm fucking autistic.

a good chunk of us don't know how to read braille. an unfortunate side effect of having text to speech functions on phone cameras is the loss of this skill. if i can't read something, I ask someone else to read it for me, or I take a picture and zoom in. braille differs from country to country, language to language, etc etc. even if I learned Irish braille (written as Gaeilge, by the way, so not even in English!) I would not be able to read braille in my native language of Swedish. and beyond drugstore products, it typically isn't used much. I've rarely, if ever, found braille menus, instruction manuals, books, etc. and with modern technology, learning and knowing braille is falling increasingly out of style.

not all blind eyes look milky/all white. my fully blind eye is constantly closed, but my functioning, legally blind eye is perfectly normal in appearance. in fact, you've probably met one or two people in your life who would qualify as legally blind/low vision who function and, through all outward appearances, are no different from you.

we are not weak little babies that need protecting. I'd argue that visually impaired people can probably get around better than some fully sighted people, purely because we're forced to be more aware of our surroundings. not to mention some of us have guide dogs or friends/family/what-have-you to help us manoeuvre when necessary. just because we can't see well doesn't mean we're damsels in distress incapable of wiping our own asses. we're people with personalities and skill sets and life experiences, not infants.

ok so I'm sure this has come across as aggressive and/or rude, but yknow what? I don't particularly care anymore. I have seen far too many ignorant and uneducated people try to write or otherwise portray blind/visually impaired characters using guesswork and stereotypes from television, and I've just hit a wall in terms of being able to disregard it and not care. I do care. a whole lot, apparently. I'm tired of seeing random people on the internet deciding they'll write a low vision character and butchering it so terribly it makes me physically cringe. if you have to write a character with a visual disability, I implore you to read a fucking book, google it for 15 minutes, hell, make a reddit post or something to ask actual visually disabled people about their experiences so you're not making a fool of yourself, talking out of your ass and insulting an entire category of human beings. it is that easy.

If you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them?

Thanks if you want to answer.....

Hello! Thank you so much for sending in an ask, this is so exciting!! I would LOVE to answer this question!!

I've grown and changed a lot over the years since I began writing fanfiction when I was like, ten years old. Some of the fics I'm going to list aren't objectively well-written or my best work thus far, but they still have a special place in my heart for whatever reason. This question is so fun and I actually think about this all of the time. A lot of my most popular fics are ones that I'm not particularly proud of myself, so I'll gladly take the opportunity to talk about the ones I do like!!

In no particular order:

rule #8 - otherside [Bungou Stray Dogs] -> I wrote this for my Whumptober prompt series (which currently makes up a HUGE chunk of my works right now lmao). The reason I like this so much is mainly because I really enjoyed writing it. I've always wanted to write a fic where a character's mouth gets stitched shut, but I never got / found the opportunity to do so. Then Whumptober came around. I think I executed it well enough, especially since I chose Akutagawa, who struggles with breathing on a good day. If I get to grind my favorite characters through the Whump Machine, then I'm always very happy. I guess I just like this specific trope leaps and bounds better than all of the other ones? X

with every line, a comedy [Genshin Impact] -> I had a lot of fun writing this one, too. I got to explore PTSD in a way I'd never had before, going through the eyes of someone entirely disconnected from the traumatic event but knows the person being affected by it. It's my longest completed work, too; I write mainly short one-shots, around 1-4k words on average. This was a bigger project for me, and the first long-fic I've ever finished. I also used one of my favorite albums for the fic and chapter titles, so every time I listen to the songs, I think of this fic. I just. Really love this fic. X

Dear Kaeya, Signed Diluc Ragnvindr [Genshin Impact] -> I like this fic a lot because it's stylized very differently from everything else I've written. While not being an x reader, it is technically in second person, like I, the narrator, am talking to the reader. It's written in that same "talking" way, too. So I don't use any dialogue tags or anything like that. That is all for the second portion of the fic, though. The first half is made up entirely of letters the Diluc is sending to his adopted brother. I don't write him writing the letters, it's just the letters themselves. You read it like he's talking to you, in a sense, but the reader knows it's directed at Kaeya. It was a very fun and cool way to explore a new writing convention. X

the difference between hurt and injured [Genshin Impact] -> Lots of Genshin, I know, but this was when I was starting to fully fledge as a writer. A lot of my gradual progress can be seen through these fics, and this is a really good one to use as a comparison. This is my first attempt at much more serious writing, I think. It's longer than anything I had written at the time, sitting at a nice 20k words I wrote in the span of a few days. In general, it has a lot of things I really wanted to write about: the failures of the foster care system, complex / failing relationships, and the consequences of failing to act. The title comes from something an old softball coach would say, and I hated it but I could never get it out of my head. So I used it to title the fic, and it relates very well to what happens in the fic. Diluc is the "hurt" portion; he's fine, really, but his stubbornness makes him think his wounds are still bleeding. Venti, twelve years old in this for the sake of the AU, is "injured"; he is not fine. His wounds are bleeding, and he's doing the best he can to patch it up before he bleeds out, but more keep opening and he doesn't know what to do. X

rule #13 - waterfall [Jujutsu Kaisen] -> I like this fic because of the idea, more than anything. I have a very specific image of Megumi falling into a coma after Itadori saves his soul from Sukuna. If I could write this fic a million different times, I would. I simply love this vision. I also got to talk about literature, because Itadori is reading books to Megumi. Another idea I love that I got to convey through this fic is the idea of souls being separated from their comatose bodies. It provides an interesting take on being caught between life and death. I won't lie, I was probably inspired by one of my favorite fics of all time, When I Awake. But I also think it comes from a series I read when I was younger, the Serafina series. In the last book, the main character's body gets split into three different parts: flesh, spirit, and animal. Very interesting, and I think it's stuck with me for all of these years. X

rule #17 - two sides [Genshin Impact] -> Another case of finding a new writing convention. I wanted to focus more on external and internal dialogue to be the main contributors to the story, though I'm not sure how well I achieved this goal. It's crime-focused, and I wanted to slowly reveal the information rather than it being outright known off the bat. I wanted to put these characters who obviously know and trust each other very well into a situation where all of that shatters, where one is at the complete mercy of the other's decision, where both of them are suffering from the same crime, but one of them is the suspect of that crime and the other is the main investigator. SO much fun!! X

rule #26 - gideon [Bungou Stray Dogs] -> This one I debated heavily on adding, but I'm going ahead with it anyway because I happened to realize I really, really love this one. It's just Atsushi and his backstory, but if there were no abilities. He escapes, and Chuuya and Dazai happen upon him on the road. It's simplistic in comparison to some of the others on this list I think, but I love Atsushi and I love his horribly messed-up backstory with all my heart. Along these veins, I'm going to put rule #31 - calamity [X] as an honorable mention. Another horribly messed up backstory where Atsushi stars as the tortured main character, and I happened to really enjoy writing and thinking about it. The final honorable mention is rule #15 - four aces [X] where I toy with Dazai's character, and what it would mean for him to have finally defeated Fyodor. X

Again, thank you so much for asking!! Most of my works are on Ao3, so if you're curious to read more, I have a lot there! Much love <3

Hi! Recently I’ve been thinking about an original horror story that you wanted to write and I was wondering how that was going? I was so interested in the idea but was too shy to say anything and now the unanswered questions plague me ☺️ I was just curious if you had any updates or had moved forward with the work, no worries if you haven’t ✌🏻 I thought it was really neat and I like your writing

I believe you laid out the plot in a Rise discord under a separate thread but I haven’t been active in that discord in a good while

vibrates

you activated my trap card

(seriously thank you for this ask i love rambling about this, if you were in the server I suspect you were in I'm not really active there anymore either tbh)

gonna assume you mean Unraveling AKA the Colorado Horror Story as that's the only outright horror I've got in the works right now (despite all my works to some degree involving horror elements because we can't have nice things) and yes!! i am still working on it, theoretically, life's been A Lot lately and I haven't been in a good headspace for doing writing of any sort BUT

it DOES in fact have a full chapter by chapter outline and a decent chunk of the first act written! i need to properly sit down and transcribe a bunch of recent notes and honestly just get to tossing words into my Scrivener doc (and I need to stop coming up with new story ideas/distracted by other current ones xD)

of all my books it is perhaps the one closest to actually being done (i'm not counting the first book in a four part series that is technically fully written because it needs massive rewrites), it will be (hopefully) 60 chapters across 4 acts, splitting POV between the three main characters, and will be full of delightful interpersonal drama and familial tension and grotesque bodily horrors and At Least One Supremely Fucked Up Deer <3

as a little treat for your interest I humbly submit a comic I drew for it which will be included in the book <3 <3 <3

whatever is happening here I am sure everything will be fine :D

The world knows not please! Orig fic solidarity :)

Omg my brainchild interests you??? I'm happy to oblige, but I've gotta warn you, it's only spent a couple weeks in utero, and I think I've spent entirely too much time staring at what I've written to tell if it's good anymore, but we digress.

This is the summary: The most prestigious charter school in the country has just accepted its first merit student, Oakley Knarls. It’s more for his impressive sounding name and appalling family history than actual academic ability, but Oakley just so happens to be extremely intelligent, which is the very opposite of what any higher-ups want, he comes to find out. Still, even with this knowledge looming over him, Oakley manages to stay on top of his studies, if not his social life, and make it three of the four years he needs to complete to be eligible for secondary studies and eventually university. It would have worked too, because Oakley has become very good at dodging assassination attempts over the years, except this year, his fourth year, is the year they get soul tested. Oakley gets two indisputably bona-fide 100% matches. A girl called Roselle Uada and a boy called Nicholas Castleton. Oakley, being quite flexible and accepting of his fate, resolves to make the best of his situation, but there is one gargantuan problem. He isn’t supposed to have a soul.

...

And here's an excerpt from the beginning:

  “He’s sort of a buggy looking thing, isn’t he?” one girl whispers into the nearest ear. The receiver of this message laughs, nodding and miming the flapping of a swift insect’s wings. 

  “Nearly thirty double soul merits is what my parents spent getting me in here,” another child muses. “No sweat for them, of course, but it's the principle of the thing, isn’t it? Why should he be in here for free?” 

   Oakley, who has been eavesdropping on this conversation with mild interest, has half a mind to turn and counter, “Nothing is free,” if only to say something, however laughably weak, to the fully clothed, well-fed, sugar-coated children of the highest of society who are speculating his value far too close within earshot of him to be peacefully ignored. Before he can do this however, the heavy door to the dean’s office swings open, silent but for a swish of air. The gossiping students gasp and scramble away in a startled flurry as a tall man in a crisply pressed suit steps forward and motions for Oakley to step inside. 

   Oakley does so, thinking for a moment that it’s strange the dean has let him in but hasn’t yet greeted him. That is until he notices the desk at the other end of the room. A tall, dark-skinned man with long, locked hair and a stonelike expression on his face sits facing the door in a large, ornate chair. He wears a pinstriped suit in the colors of the school and has chunks of gold jewelry and precious stones glinting from his hair and fingers. A polished wooden plaque edged with swirls of gold rests on the desktop in front of him, reading in etched letters “The Dean Artimus Uada, Receiver of Honors and of Certified Blood”. 

   As the man draws himself up and says, “Welcome, Mr. Knarls, to the Uada Academy of all Arts, Practical or Otherwise,” Oakley realizes with a tinge of embarrassment that the posh looking man who had let him inside is likely some sort of servant. What a different world the inhabitants of this school must live in, he thinks, that even their servants could pass as one of the gentry. 

   Doing his best to appear proper and genial, Oakley greets Dean Uada with what he hopes is equal formality, keeping his back straight and his head high as he says, “It’s an honor and a privilege, Sir.” 

   Something glints in Dean Uada’s eyes, perhaps scorn or mirth, but he nods, looking satisfied, if not welcoming, and takes his seat again. 

  “You’re the first of your kind, young Oakley,” says Dean Uada. “We’re-” 

   Not happy to have me, surely, thinks Oakley. 

  “Jazzed,” the Dean finishes, flourishing his hands, and Oakley has to hold back a laugh. Of all the words he might have guessed to be next, ‘jazzed’ was not one of them.

...

And have a little bit from the end:

“I will make sure this crest goes down in history as a symbol of hatred that will in turn be hated by all who set eyes upon it. If I cannot manage this, then I will at least make sure it means nothing. To be spat on or to be erased. That is your legacy.”

...

I got weirdly formal when writing this. I have no idea why, but I guess I've committed to it now. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.

@auburnlaughter

So overall thoughts. Damn what a painful chapter. It dragged a lot to the surface. There’s a lot of shifting. The toxicity and co-dependency is really starting to rear it’s head. Someone save these boys it not healthy.

I’m not sure how to feel about Tommy right now. Like as a character he’s a lot of fun to analyse. He’s beautifully morally complex and a little fucked up. Probably the most fucked up Tommy of yours I’ve read. Which is starting to make me worried. I’m not sure if Wilbur needed to be pushed as far as Tommy pushed him this chapter. Definitely not as soon. Then again who knows when she might make progress otherwise. It’s the age-old struggle of making progress, not how you are supposed to do it to be healthy, but in a way that somehow still seems to work. Though there will be consequences.

Wilbur is a lot of fun too. I really need to start paying more attention to the name shifts because I keep missing most of them on my first read. Also, I’m very much neglecting analysis the bird metaphor, but I do love it. It’s a very good representation of Wilbur’s emotions as something he doesn’t really control but can’t fully repress. It’s essentially his subconscious or inner self screaming at it. It’s ‘Wilbur’ trying to communicate and get out. It’s a Phoenix getting stoked to live again and trying to rise from its own ashes. Reawakening the embers after all these years.

Once more question, cuz I just realised I forgot to put it in the actual ask. Did Wilbur realise Tommy’s tendency to make decisions for other people beforehand or was it more the pieces snapping into place because of how hard Tommy was pushing him?

That is all, for now. Banger chapter as always, Bee. I had a blast, and a decent chunk of energy and free time this time around (as you can tell by my truckload of asks). Have a great day everyone! I’m going to bed.

(10/10)

-🌲

honestly I think glass!tommy might be my favorite iteration of tommy i've written yet (at least in wilbur pov fics) precisely bc of how fucked up he is. he's so flawed and it's so fun to dig into. one of my favorite character traits of c!tommy that I don't think gets explored in c!crime often enough is how possessive he is of c!wilbur. so I'm having a really fun time diving into the ugly aspects of that with glass.

would wilbur have gotten to that point on his own? possibly. but ever since tommy forcibly began calling wilbur by his name, he set up a dynamic between them where he pushes and wilbur will listen, even if he doesn't want to. wilbur is getting to a point where he doesn't know how to make progress on his own without tommy pushing him forward, and that's DEFINITELY not healthy. but glass isn't about healthy relationships lmao

the bird is such a fun metaphor tool for me to write with. it's hard though because I'm trying not to overuse it, but also how tf else am I supposed to describe wilbur's emotions when he can't accept them as his own? it's a balancing act for sure

I'd say wilbur was somewhat aware of tommy's tendency to make choices for other people before, but what really snapped it into focus was jack actually. when he saw it through the lens of tommy doing that to someone else instead of just doing it to him, he was finally able to recognize it and realize how often tommy's done that to him as well.

ty for your thoughts as always spruce!! sorry i was so late answering this and ik you've already sent me one ask about ch 17 so I can't wait to go read that :)

Hello and welcome to my rant from my time on Stranger Things Steddie and Friends Twitter for the past few months.

K I'm really pissed but its fine I wrote this all before the poll thing. Now I just. Can't get rid of it. (Me at tumblr headquarters right fucking now)

Anyway. Sorry for the interruption.

The fact that I've seen several ST fans claim most people who like steddie are fetishizing them is already shitty, but what makes it even more shitty is that they focus on them being two white cis guys fetishized by "white girls".

To reference the two white cis guys first, yeah, you got me there. That really is all those two are in the show. And if you wanna talk representation, well shit! Let's do it! Out of the main cast, we have 3 people of color: Lucas, Erica, and Argyle. Lucas is much too young to be in a relationship with either of them and already has one of his own, and Erica is ten years old. Now, I love Argyle, but he was written to be a comic relief character that had no arc and never met either of them. I think that's a wasted opportunity, Eduardo is great and would've done well as a fully fleshed out character, and there is a conversation to be had about whether that character would've been received the same way Eddie was being a white guy. But the thing is, he was never even CAST as a character who could be compared with Eddie- again, his whole character was "funny stoner." THAT is fucked, and people have definitely decided to ignore that fanon. In fact, Jargyle has become a pretty well known ship! Weirdly enough, the content I've seen of them has majorly been from people who also ship steddie! It isn't as popular as Steddie, though, and I don't think that's ONLY bc of half of the ship has less lore than eddie. There definitely is at least some internal bias us white queer folks should take into account when considering what ships we focus on in media.

However, I don't think that's why it's being brought up. I don't think I read tweets from lesbians with she/her in their bios condemning all us steddie ppl who just ship it because "they're two white guys we can fetishize for being in an mlm relationship" bc they're trying to be good allies. That COMPLETELY disregards that transmasc and nonbinary people (ESPECIALLY transmasc people of color) make a BIG chunk of the steddie fandom. Crazy, it's almost like Eddie was written to represent an outcast and literally GOT TARGETED BY CHRISTIANS and a bunch of people in marginalized communities related to his struggles! Except oh, yeah, that'd exactly what happened. And yeah, okay, he's a white guy and it IS pretty shitty that they cast a white dude to represent outcasts in general, but the people talking shit are watching the SAME DAMN SHOW that has a huge fucking cast and still has minimal representation. Fuck, man, Caleb McLaughlin has faced SO MUCH hate from assholes "fans" as the only black main character. Why the hell are people using that very real issue to back their shitty arguments against a gay ship on twitter?

Again, I wanna preface that 90% of these kinds of comments come from lesbians and bisexual people with she/her or she/they in the bio. I thought yall were COOL with the gay and trans people. Yall ARE queer people. Some of them were even big Ronance or Rovickie fans! YALL. WHY IS FRIENDLY FIRE ON??

A lot of this argument is backed by claims that steddie fans ignore canon queer rep, too, and I just don't understand that.

I know. Robin is representation. I am SO HAPPY to have her, and I'm so happy that Maya pushed for it, and as a transmasc person who was not out at the time and likes girls, I felt very seen when watching her coming out scene with Steve. However, I know I don't fully understand the lesbian experience as someone who likes guys too. I know Robin means a lot to wlw fans, especially lesbians. There have been instances where steddies have co-opted that scene to make it about steddie, and that is not okay. (I've never SEEN this happen, but I've seen people talk about it. All the steddie guys on Twitter that I follow were making it pretty clear that that was not cool and pretty fuckin lesbiphobic. I agree, whoever did that, fuck them. Wlw and specifically lesbian wlw relationships have very little rep and Netflix canceled all their shows and it's super fucked.) But besides this, I actually see a LOT of steddie fans who very much love Robin's character. Most of the steddie artists and fic writers I know are also ronance, rovickie, and/or Buckingham creators. A lot of them are wlw themselves!

//I should also note that Will is canonically gay now and I'm super excited, but truly, I just don't see as much appeal in byler because they're so much younger than me now. I totally love Will as a character, and I was around the kids' ages when the first season came out, but I'm in college now. I relate a lot more to the older kids! I'm real happy to have will as mlm rep and I hope he gets his moment in s5. I just didn't latch onto him and Mike the way I did Steve and Eddie! We all got preferences and that's fine.//

All this to say, I'm just so tired of Twitter, man. I just saw a post about how many cis women who claiming its "ableism" to say they have to be around anyone who identifies as masculine, including queer men, queer mascs, cis men of color, butch lesbians, etc. And I've seen a lot of that lately too. It's just so weird to see someone who identifies as a queer woman talk shit abt a steddie fan with a hellcheer shipper.

(man I can't even get into that rn. Chrissy and Eddie shippers in ST fandom are a whole other bout of drama. I've seen steddies be pretty nasty on the issue toward bi women who ship that bc of age difference, which I never really understood because eddie has no confirmed age?? Like idk how he can be a super senior AND 17 on his missing poster but whatever, I'm not stressing abt that as long as you dont make them have a weird age gap on purpose. Hell, I even thought they were love interests at first, too. But DAMN I've seen some hellcheer people that hate steddie. None of this justification type shit either, they just say "it doesn't make sense" and "I'm scared of steddie" and "they ruined the fandom and eddies character" like bro that's literally homophobia. like oogily boogily gay people jumpscare homophobia. So I just don't talk to those guys usually.)

Whatever abt the straight ppl tho they're never gonna get my weird gay stuff. But what SUCKS is when it's other gay people saying this stuff. Like what about mlm wlw solidarity man? Why do I gotta see a rovickie stan and a hellcheer girl talking abt how steddie shippers are all misogynistic and hate women?? Esp when so many are transmasc?? It's getting weird and TERF-y and I just. I wish we were cool again. ST is abt outcasts at the end of the day, it's why we root for them and relate to them. There aren't even a lot of queer people from the 80s around because of the kinda hatred people like us face. Not to mention racism, ableism, misogyny, all of it. For centuries. The people up top all hate us. We gotta have each other's backs and twitter is making us INSANE instead. God.

Anyway I'm gonna go watch the mandalorian now later losers.

November updates & December goals

Blog | Monthly updates

It's nearly December (which, side note, is wild - does it feel to anyone else like this year, in particular, just flew by?), a time where things tend to slow to a near-halt in terms of productivity as we prepare for various winter holidays. In terms of the personal writing schedule I maintain in my head, however, it feels a bit like things are busier than ever. Without further ado, updates and follow-up on November's goals are as follows:

November updates

NaNoWriMo: Absolutely blew this out of the water like a boss.

Nah, I'm totally kidding. I'd be lying if I said I was upset about this, though, because I "failed" for the best possible reason - I regained my full motivation for putting together LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE's final manuscript, and have been fully focused on that for about the last 10-15 days. That being said, I did count all new words from scene editing toward the NaNoWriMo goal. Here's my (approximate) breakdown:

Warmups/drabbles: ~1,098

THE DOTTED LINE reoutline: 2,036

SUPERNOVA zero draft: 6,700

LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE scene editing: ~3,000

I extend my encouragement and congrats to everyone else who took part, regardless of whether or not you "won". As an old curmudgeon who's participated in the challenge most years since 2008 (won five times, excluding one Camp NaNoWriMo win), my philosophy about this and similar challenges is basically: even if you don't "win," you've probably written more words this month than you would have otherwise. I know I did.

Query preparations:

I still can't believe I'm seeing this low of a chapter/WC discrepancy for this novel.

Goals for the final version of the manuscript, other than line editing/playing around with prose, fixing plot holes/inconsistencies, addressing beta comments, and fact-checking, include making the novel more marketable/more of a "typical" thriller in any way I can that doesn't affect the overall story. This has included things like restructuring the novel to make it "truly" dual timeline (ie. chapters now alternate consistently between THEN and NOW segments across both Acts), choosing strategic areas to end chapters and to split the Acts and main story arcs, and limiting individual chapters to 5,000 words maximum. This has resulted in more and shorter chapters, but it's also, weirdly enough, allowed me to more easily incorporate content about core story messages and themes, address some kind of unfinished/potentially unsatisfying plot threads, and develop parts of Gabriel's story that were previously lacking without completely obliterating the word count. I am very excited about this, especially because some of the aforementioned plot elements have been major headaches for years!

With the new structure, I've set myself a WC goal of 50,000 words per Act (bringing the total to 100,000 words). My actual goal is 110,000 words for the novel, but I want to try to leave myself as much wiggle room as possible for whatever new scenes/partial scenes/bridging scenes I need to add to close gaps with the dual timeline structure.

After this process is finished, I'll need to do a final readthrough for consistency, and then it's capital-D Done (until an agent asks me to edit it again, anyway)!

In terms of preparations for the actual querying process, I added one agent to my query list this month (and am considering adding a second).

Reading: I'm now 10 books (83%) into my reading goal for 2023!

Read this month:

The Keeper by Jessica Moor

December goals

Currently, my only writing priorities for December are:

To finish the line edit and re-assembly of LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE, Act I;

Get at least a good chunk into the line edit and re-assembly of Act II;

Finish my query letter (finally).

I may also participate in another NYC Midnight challenge this month (a 250-word flash story this time), but this will depend on a few different factors.

I will also read at least two books in order to finish my 2023 reading challenge. These will most likely be A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara and Angels Before Man by Rafael Nicolás, unless something else comes up prior to the end of the month.