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#I've never made any of those
stars-bean · 1 year
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Recently I kind of hit a milestone.
While I know numbers mean exactly nothing on Tumblr, I'd like to say "Thank You" to all the lovely, kind and supportive people I've met on this site.
Not going to list any names or URLs, but you know who you are. And I appreciate your presence on Tumblr. And in my life (even if only online).
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artkaninchenbau · 10 months
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An AWS comic
#My art#For the record I am not a medical professional and as far as I know AWS isn't even something you can be diagnosed with???#It's so hard to describe what the two sensory hallucinations really *FEEL* like#Like the time one... You know how a dramatic slow motion scene looks like in an anime?#It's like that but if you made it a 60 fps interpolated version of it#It is an absolutely bizarre feeling#Meanwhile the hyper awareness and everything feeling intense feels like how a fisheye lens shot in an anime feels#No I could not be bothered to try to figure out how to draw that for this comic#For the record I haven't actually had those visual hallucinations since I was a small small child#Hell I don't even think I had any hallucinations in my teens at all like#The sensory ones just kinda started happening again in the past 7 years or so?#Also the swelling sensation I've only had once so far. Usually I get the hyper awareness sensation#(Also sometimes I get this intense feeling of swaying when I go to bed but that might not be an AWS thing??)#(Like there's other things that could make you feel like you're rocking on a boat when laying down so I didn't include that)#No I have never talked to anyone about these hallucinations because for the longest time I didn't know what they were#And they are like. Harmless. Like I'm 100% aware they're just strange sensations but not real at all#They last max 15 minutes if even that long and they happen like super rarely#Only once have I had the hyper awareness be SO INTENSE it made me feel distressed#So like. It doesn't really affect my life at all? So why bother with it?#Also IDK if I could even go to a doctor and ask about AWS and have them know what that even is#And even if I could as far as I know there is no treatment for it so like. Whatever#As long as I don't start having distressing hallucinations or visual hallucination's I'll be fiiiiiine
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factual-fantasy · 10 months
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You alive?
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Hardly-
Right now I'm knee deep in projects that I'm trying desperately to catch up on :')
3 are private/personal projects that are on a time limit so I'm doing my best to blast through them so I can work on the project that I really want to work on which is Moon Malfunction-
But then another comic project just got added and I usually brush these ones off as I have been doing recently but this one is important and I really wanna do it but I'm so caught up with everything else that I have no energy to work on it and to make things worse its been EXTREMELY hot where I live and I cant handle any level of heat so I'm melting on the couch trying to get these projects done but I have no energy with this heat and I ju
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zerodaryls · 7 months
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it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.
i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.
there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.
'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.
to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.
and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.
but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.
#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private#calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao.#but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me#who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad)#who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother)#who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public)#like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it.#but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say#'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill'#(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖)#so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity.#the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even.#the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY.#i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate.#i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me.#i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way.#in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more.#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME#/end rant#any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3
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queenlucythevaliant · 9 months
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'Yes, that old oak with which I saw eye to eye was here in this forest,' thought Prince Andrei. 'But whereabouts?' he wondered again, looking at the left side of the road and, without realizing, without recognizing it, admiring the very oak he sought. The old oak, quite transfigured, spread out a canopy of dark, sappy green, and seemed to swoon and sway in the rays of the evening sun. There was nothing to be seen now of knotted fingers and scars, of old doubts and sorrows. Through the rough, century-old bark, even where there were no twigs, leaves had sprouted, so juicy, so young that it was hard to believe that aged veteran had borne them.
'Yes, it is the same oak,' thought Prince Andrei, and all at once he was seized by an irrational, spring-like feeling of joy and renewal. All the best moments of his life of a sudden rose to his memory. Austerlitz, with that lofty sky, the reproachful look on his dead wife's face, Pierre at the ferry, that girl thrilled by the beauty of the night, and that night itself and the moon and ... everything suddenly crowded back into his mind.
'No, life is not over at thirty-one,' Prince Andrei decided all at once, finally and irrevocably. 'It is not enough for me to know what I have in me- everyone else must know it too: Pierre, and that young girl who wanted to fly away into the sky; all of them must learn to know me, in order that my life may not be lived for myself alone.
From War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
#there are so many gorgeous passages in W&P that i could pick#why not this one in which Andrei reflects on several of them?#I've already talked about the Natasha and the moon passage on this blog. truly one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever read in any book#but part of what's so interesting about that scene is that we actually get it from Andrei's perspective. he's listening below the window#and overhearing Natasha that night is really what makes him love her#it's what made /me/ love her#and he carries that experience with him alongside his own experience looking up at the sky on the battlefield at Austerlitz#Napoleon himself sees Andrei and commends his courage but Andrei barely notices because the sky is so so beautiful#the lofty heavens which he never really considered before#but Natasha did#and so it's those moments his friendship with Pierre this old oak that renew his lust for life#life is not over at thirty. once i heard a girl exclaim at the loveliness of the moon and wish to fly away.#once i lay on a battlefield and all i could see was the beauty of the sky#and my friend Pierre believes in the future and he's searching it out#and look. this tree is still here#first time i read W&P i was honestly so relieved that so many people got happy endings the tragedy of Andrei's death didn't fully register#i mean the chapters concerning his death are beautiful and sad. the kinship between Natasha and Maria at his bedside#the peace he finds as he dies#but it really is a story in which he had decided to live fully only to die young. and that's become increasingly tragic to me as I've grown#happy birthday tolstoy#russia where are you flying to?#pontifications and creations
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disposal-blueeee · 2 months
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BE NOT AFRAID .
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angel!edgar by zarla-s .
open to see the full pic
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this little doodle here because eh why not
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obessivedork · 4 months
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Was.... that supposed to be the end of FO4? 😐 Like once you've blown up the Institute you get this random nostalgic slideshow that has nothing to do with ANYTHING and that's it? You beat the game! Good for you! But we'll place you back into the world to keep playing I fucking guess? What's going to happen to your friends and The Commonwealth with all the decisions you made?😐 Don't ask us! Not like we're going to make an RPG with the infamous RPG IP, that would be silly!
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keeps-ache · 1 month
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HEY
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#i really like the subtract glitch i've been doing recently - so here's some of that again lol :3#the way it interacts with their palettes is so fun i like it a lot ehegh :33#//anyway do you ever consider just tossing out any part the human body you've learned to draw and just drawing dumb little guys with arms#like pipecleaners forever or what hfhs#//oh this is was doobled in traditional originally#i need to digitize more of these. Because#though aura's hair was more extreme in the second panel in that version - i'm tired though and 3 days ago it was the same so no feelings to#change that lol :)#also i didn't shrink the noise enough so it didn't look right - and i was not going to reimport it so Bon Voyage my dude hfhs#was Supposed to fit on a 900x900 canvas but i made the panels a liiiiitle bit too big so it's 950x950#which is Fine it's a round number but it's not a Round-Round number so [gesturing]#1000x1000 was way too big for this little thing so she sits at a pleasant halfway point :>#//anyway i was also up til 3 a.m. last night doing ?? something ?? i genuinely don't even know what lmfhsbvh#nice though maybe my brain'll get a reset lol :3#stay up really late some random nights and jumpstart your brain!! it's foolproof!! never fails!! [<- these statements have not been reviewe#by the FDA or the Center for Sleep Control]#//ANywho now i'm going to be on my way#/oh i also forgot to post the oath n aura refs i made for artfight lol-#i'll prolly put those up w/ the kira and hid ones though :>>#i like to have the whole ensemble :D i Do feel bad when one of them gets left out hghsfh - like forgetting a stuffed animal somewhere#even though they're all together for small portion of the story it still feels off lol#i should prolly introduce the rest of the cast at some point. .... ......... ..........hm yea prolly. maybe one day hfhs#//anyway NOW i'm going i've run out of tag space i think hfhs - toodles !! :>
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silawastaken · 4 months
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Tumblr is rapidly becoming my main social media and that's brilliant because 1) NONE of my irl friends are active here, and only one of them even has an account, and that's the one that won't make fun of me and is regularly mentioned in my authors notes and 2) this is my secondary blog so nobody would find it accidentally because it's a completely separate url and name the only thing recognisable straight away is the picture of my cat and my friends wouldn't be my friends if they were observant so I'm in the clear lol
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hellbatschilt · 8 months
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Recently organized, and added new stuff to my Yokai Watch collection!!
#merch tag#yokai watch#can you guys guess my favourite yokai? (it's agent x! count cavity is my second fave)#also apologies for using flash the lighting in my room is not that great lol#anyways!!!#can't believe i've been collecting yokai watch merch for 7 years o(-< never thought i'd be able to add more stuff to it too#i got the sakich*n skysh*riman and dr. k*gemura dream medals today!#dream medals are actually my favourite medals they've made :'^) so happy count cavity got one#cc actually got so many medals which is like yippee!!!!#anyways for those who want to know i collect my main team + the ghoulfamily + whatever other yokai i like#my main team is cc tattletell snee rimo kimetemaou and sighdurr :^)#the other yokai i collect are skysh*riman sakich*n and dr. k*gemura! i actually need to grab some h*kai stuff too though#honestly i just like yw3 related merch a lot. it's my favourite in the series! plus my favourite yokai villains are in it hehe#anyways uh this isn't even all of my merch lol i have some other stickers and flat items + the cc and rimo's metal charms#and cc's omamori charm! which i do want to take outside with me eventually but i should get a dupe of it in case it gets -#- damaged or lost#oh i also have some 4komas and some manga that my faves show up in#trying to figure out if i have any grails for yw merch and honestly? a few years ago they released a halloween ramune case and timidevil -#- was on it but i've never been able to find it for sale :'^) tragic... not like i have room for it anywhere but still#there's also a yw3 sticker(?) set that has most of the ghoulfamily on it and they're playing rock paper scissors?#i have a photo of it but have never seen any listings... hard to find it without having a specific term to check i.e the omikuji stickers#some of my tags got eaten </3 so i can't ramble on more :^( please talk to me about yw merch
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lisxdumbr · 1 month
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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I fully get the anxiety of feeling like you don’t deserve to go to a show. It comes with the whole competetive fandom stuff.
Honestly, as someone who has performed on a lot of stages with varying kinds of crowds, the most important thing isn’t if you’re the biggest fan or if you know the lyrics or some choreography or bring gifts. The thing that is the most valuable is that you go to the show to have a good time. That’s all the artists are generally looking for. That people enjoy their music, enjoy the show, are excited to be there.
Some people may be disappointed that they don’t get a ticket, sure. But it’s not you taking that ticket away from them. Not everyone can have everything. Sometime people don’t get concert tickets. That is not your fault for buying. It is a thing that happens when everyone has the right to buy concert tickets instead of them being raffeled off or gifted. If the show was just for the biggest fans, tickets would be give out as competition prices, not to the person who buys them.
And there is no right way to enjoy the show. Some superfans never learn lyrics because they don’t particularly care. Some people buy tickets to go see random artists just for the experience. Some people just love to give gifts and find that to be the best way of interacting. Your way of doing it is just as valid as all that. You don’t have to earn any right to be there, that is what the tickets are for.
And honestly, you’d be surprised by the number of people who have never even heard of an artist or band who just show up for the show because they had a day off and it could be fun. It’s not about deserving to be there. It’s about wanting to go and getting the chance to actually do that.
I don’t know if this little pep talk eases your mind at all, but I hope it does. Learning to let go of the competetive mindset and attitude when it comes to regular life stuff is a chore and a half. I just want you to know that I would love for you to go to the show.
Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it ❤
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butterflieswhisper · 1 month
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hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me
hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it
#asks#<-omg i can make that a tag now#i also am a year behind on the life series. i think the most recent one i've seen is double#like from any pov. i am a year behind. however that goes for everything on youtube#my poor watch later playlist hit the 5000 video limit forever ago and so did the second one i made to replace it. i am on my third#but seriously i don't know what goes on in fh canon but i like their blue/yellow thing they have going on. idk if that's like? intentional?#but like scott blue and canary yellow are really pretty colors together#and they are also SO close to being complimentary colors and yet. they aren't. just a little bit off#they don't quite fit quite how they should. i made that up on the spot i mostly think yellow and blue are nice colors#i think my biggest exposure to scott before you was literally the deal with destiny song in empires1#and i don't even think i acknowledged him as like a real guy ykwim.#like oh yeah. scott smajor. he's like. in that song lizzie made or something. he can sing alright i guess (plays it on loop)(plays it on lo#whisp whispers#seeing u post about Discourse(tm) is always really funny to me because i didn't realize for a while that u did not have like#the 'normal' interpretation? like i didn't realize you had a different view than other people#i was like oh yeah the relationship held in the death games is toxic. that makes sense yeah and is not surprising#and then suddenly there would be a post where you mention discourse and i went. Ohhhhh wait they're supposed to be HAPPY!!!#but i feel like this is infinitely more enjoyable i love Flawed Characters#and especially now after watching his rats. i get it. i get it i get it i see what you are saying#he doesn't interact much with jimmy hes mostly with owen and. i mean#'i've never heard someone apologize so much while putting the blame on the other person'???? i see exactly what you mean#r!scott accidentally hurting r!owen and then apologizing profusely while insisting it's because owen stood in his way. and then immediately#isolating himself in a room for like 20 minutes and refusing to interact with anyone feels like. idk#it reminds me of ur rambles and i understand them more now i think. kind of#to be clear by 'with' i mean like. in proximity of. those rats are AROMANTIC!!!!! (to me)#i'm so sorry these tags are a mess. but alas#i also think it's really funny to follow Flower Husbands guy and know nothing abt them. invested by proxy. whenever i hear abt scott giving#jimmy a flower i get excited not because like i know what's going on but because omg! that's like that thing bree talks about sometimes!!#i hope that like. any of this makes sense shdbfjk
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honeysulani · 9 months
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I gave in and bought bg3🫠
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fragmentedblade · 4 months
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This seems to be a reference to Lorentz transformations? The first formula is apparently a derivation, and seems to be the inverse of the time part of the transformation (there's a space part too), for what I've been able to find.
The second formula is Newton's second law.
#I don't know physics so I've had to read about Lorentz transformations and I'm still unsure because I lack a lot of context#But it seems extremely interesting#It all seems to work so well with everything else Ratio has going on. The needed reference frame works well with his line in his ultimate#It seems the framework are usually cartesian coordinates? I have to check if it's not that in later physics#It all also seems to work in a Hilbert space for what I've read but I wonder if that's always the case#iirc Gauss was quite set on non euclidean geometry working on larger spaces#For what I've understood Newton used Galilean transformations and Einstein did Lorentz#Lorentz though still takes into account Galilean transformations and includes time if I've understood right?#Reading about this has made Poincaré look more interesting than he had ever before to me maybe I should look into it again#But mostly I've been thinking of Riemann. I don't know anything about any of this#but for what little I know of Riemann it crossed my mind several times that some of what I've read tonight pertaining Lorentz#would work nicely with him. Something about pseudo Euclidean spaces too iirc made me think that#I kept thinking of him from time to time so I was surprised I never actually saw him mentioned#Oh that reminds me I ended up finding an essay that proposed unlike atoms matter could be infinitely reduced and its implications#It was an extremely interesting read if nothing else also due to how it waved different fields. But I'm rambling#Veritas Ratio#Traces#I talk too much#Sorry for the tag again but I want to be able to find this in the future#I can't believe going to those group theory classes for fun has been useful in any way in my life#even if to help me understand with a little more ease something I ended up reading due to a gacha game haha#I don't remember much of what I studied back then but it was enough to recognise what was going on at times#and not struggle to understand the very very very basics of some things I read#ANYWAY again on my bullshit but so much of this could work nicely in Penacony and it will be so sad if they do nothing with it#Also I forgot to add that dp/dt is also used in medicine#It's a blood pressure ratio iirc but I haven't looked more into it bevande it seemed clear to me it was Newton's second law#Especially with the F. But I mention this to save the information. Who knows#Perhaps the formula was intended to be taken with that double sense to reference his medical facet#and perhaps it was intended also as a joke if it's really a ratio. I still think it's just Newton but yes I'm writing this down just in case
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curiouschaosstarlight · 6 months
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person #1: "[character i really love] should die violently!"
me: okay, bye
person #2: "i love this character!"
person #2: "[other character i really love] should die violently!"
me:
#not important#chaotic rants#if i had a nickle for every time one of my non-villain favorites got bashed i'd...#i'd be rich honestly why the fuck does this keep happening to me#i feel like i've made this post before#anyways i dont want to get directly specific because i dont want this to show up in searches#but if anyone's wondering the characters are Sampo and Argenti from HSR#i love those two immensely#i also love Kafka WHO ALSO gets bashed a lot i've noticed :\#i think i'd be deeply uncomfortable with ANYONE wishing violent death on any character#it's a feeling i genuinely cannot relate to in the slightest despite having characters i dislike and dont really want to see#but it's especially distressing when it's my favorite characters#in case you're wondering this is why you'll never see me participate in direct character or ship bashing on my stuff#maybe i would have in the past but everyone is someone's favorite#and whenever im about to directly namedrop a character or ship that frustrates or annoys me i just kinda pause and go#'okay but what if someone who really likes this character/ship sees this and feels ashamed for their enjoyment?'#And Then I Don't Do It#not because anyone's making me but because the internet is a public space and frankly#there's already enough toxicity in the world#...i should post more character positivity and dress up/picrew stuff (and art but my art block's been severe lately)#maybe i'll build a queue in a bit if i can get my energy up#(if y'all are wondering why i have so many posts that are me complaining about fandom attitudes)#(it's 'cause spite gives me a temporary energy boost and i've been severely lacking in energy lately)#i -am- a bit hesitant because i know my takes on certain characters (particularly Dottore) are#insanely niche in a way i dont think anyone reading this before i've posted anything demonstrative of that fact will expect#and then i feel self conscious putting my niche stuff out there to be looked at#but! that's why i have custom character tags anyway i s'pose
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