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gaycrittercentral · 11 months

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I’d like to know where the Maxlings came from

Oh hell yeah I’d love to tell!! ok so I had the concept planned as a comic initially but it really got away from me and got too long for me to actually make, so what I’ve got is sort of a script-lookin thing that I would have used as framework for it. I hope that’s an ok format?? I considered trying to write it into more of a prose/fic format but honestly I like it best like this. Ok enough rambling I hope it’s funny to y’all lmao (also it got. Um. Very long)

First scene is in the middle of a beautiful glade deep in the woods, where Sam and Max are dancing in a crowd of magical-looking fairies, grinning at each other. It’s late and there are fairy lights (teehee) illuminating the area, tables of food and drink scattered around the outskirts of the crowd.

S: wow, quite the day we’ve had, eh little pal?

M: you can say that again, Sam! I mean, how often do you get to save an ancient fairy commune by beating up their evil warlock oppressor?

S: and on top of that they throw this little shindig in our honor! I have to say, I never knew lutes could play such great club music.

M: and I’m living for these hors d’oeuvres! We simply must get the recipe.

Behind them, a pair of fairies in big leafy crowns talk quietly.

Fairy queen: these strangers are so delightfully mischievous.

Other fairy queen (they are lesbians): quite! Truly a pair of mortals after our own hearts. How should we reward them for defeating our fell foe?

FQ 1: hmm…I have an amusing idea. What’s better than two chaos-causing mortals?

FQ 2: ahhh, I see! A marvelous idea!

The queens approach Sam and Max, with several other smiling fairies clustered around.

FQ 2: well, my friends, it has been a true pleasure to have you! Before you depart, my queen and I have a gift for you as thanks for defeating the dreaded warlock Snivellion.

(M: tee hee)

FQ 1: here, please take these.

She hands Max a little package made of leaves and tied with twine.

FQ 1: these magical seeds will grow into a wonderful gift if you keep them warm and safe.

M: well, we don’t have the best record with houseplants…

S: but we’ll happily accept your gift anyway! I’m sure they’ll be fun for the few minutes they manage to survive in the harsh climate of our office.

M: if they live through the trip back in my pocket, that is.

FQ 2: oh, trust me, I’m sure they will be every bit as hardy as the two of you.

Max stuffs the leaf packet in his inventory and he and Sam take their leave, waving to the fairies as they go.

S: so long now! Have fun partying eternally!

M: you know, we never did get introduced—don’t suppose I could get your names?

FQ 1: hah, nice try. Fare thee well, mortals!

FQ 2: farewell!

As they go, we see a shot of Max’s inventory, with his gun and maybe a hammer or something to show that’s what it is. The leaf package sits quietly for a moment, before releasing a tiny sprout.

Several months later…

Sometime in the dead of night, they’re both sleeping until Max stirs and sits up with his ears all lopsided, looking kinda disgruntled and tired.

M: I’m gonna go take a dump

S, not quite asleep yet and regretting it: you don’t have to tell me every time. I actually think I’d rather if you didn’t.

M: but what if I fall in? I’d want you to know what I was doing! :D

S: *half-asleep grumbling*

Max wanders off to the bathroom to perch on the can and read a magazine.

M: oh, Martha, you get me. Mostly because we’ve both been to the slammer

Suddenly a baby wail echoes from the toilet (thank you, mammalian diving reflex) and Max immediately screams, flings his magazine to parts unknown and runs for the hills.

M: Sam!! SAM!!! The toilet screamed at me!!!! I think that ill-advised bathroom exorcism we did instead of cleaning the shower drain didn’t work, we must’ve summoned some kind of toilet ghost instead!!

S: what are you talking about, numbskull? You interrupted a perfectly good dream I was having about a discontinued ice cream bar :(

M: just come help me get rid of it! I can’t go with some spectral peeping Tom shrieking at me!

They get to the bathroom and Max hovers by the door as Sam inspects the toilet.

S: Max, you cotton-brained dolt, there’s no ghosts in—GREAT GALLOPING GEYSERS TAP DANCING ON SATURN’S FURTHEST MOON!

He immediately reaches in to save the weird little wet rat almost glaring accusingly at him from the bowl (it could glare a little better if its eyes were functional yet). Max cringes at him.

M: Jesus, Sam, I know we’re both nasty, but I thought we agreed to leave this level of grossness to me! Wait what the fuck is that thing.

S: well, if my outdated recollection of mammalian biology and your horrifying baby pictures is correct, then I’d say it kind of looks like a neonatal lagomorph. Did…did this come out of you?

M: oh please, I think I’d know if I had something like that stashed away somewhere in here. (Vaguely gestures to himself) Now could you get outta the way? If it was just some weird naked rat that crawled up the toilet to yell at me and not a ghost, then I’d like to finish my business in here.

Sam stares at the little rat-looking baby. It has teeth. Teeth like Max’s. He grabs a towel out of the bathroom closet instead and tosses it in the bathtub, then nabs Max by the scruff of his neck and deposits him on top of it.

S: why don’t you just wait down here for a minute while I get this little thing cleaned up?

M: Sam what the hell I don’t need to be housebroken!! Ugh fine but you’re cleaning the towel if—oh my god there’s another one.

S: SWEET SAINT OLGA OF KIEV SINGING OPERA FOR AN AUDIENCE OF PUPPETS WITH A TIN FOIL SUIT AND TIE AND A CREAMED CORN CROWN

Several escaped kits later…

Sam and Max lie together in bed with the kits on top of them, all wiggling around and squeaking faintly. Sam looks vaguely shaken by the experience, but Max just kinda looks like it’s totally normal.

M: haha I thought you guys were just weird little turds! Well, aren’t all children though, come to think of it

S: and you’re sure they came out of your inventory and not some hitherto unknown reproductive system of yours?

M: Sam, at this point I think I’d be able to tell if they’d been up my ass, don’t you?

S: well, sure, but also that’s not where—

M: and besides, my pocket snacks have been going missing all day and this totally explains it. Look, that one’s still got Cheeto dust all over her face!

Sam looks down at one of the girls, who is indeed very orange.

S: ooh. Let me just clean you up there, sweetheart.

He licks her clean gently. She squeaks in approval.

S: huh! What do you know, that really is Cheeto dust.

M: see, I told you so! I still have no idea how they could’ve gotten in there, though…I mean, they look brand new. And also a lot like us.

S: well, mostly like you.

M: nah, see, this one’s got little floppy ears! And lookit their tails, mine’s not long like that. Oh! And this one’s got your nose!! Oh, Sam, it’s so precious I could just squish her like an overripe tomato! …um, but I won’t, obviously.

S: personally, I find myself rather enamored with their tiny little toe beans. Just look at that! They’re so little…

They both giggle delightedly over the kits for a minute, before relaxing back into the pillows. It’s still the middle of the night and they’re both exhausted.

S: so…if we don’t know how they got there, and they don’t look like they could be anybody else’s…

M: 👀

S: I mean unless we want to take them to the vet to check for microchips or something…?

M: too late I’m already coming up with names and dreaming of all the bad words I’m gonna teach them

S: oh, good, so am I. I guess it doesn’t matter how they got there, then…but you really have to wonder…

Something like a half hour ago…

The kits are sitting in a little pile in the middle of Max’s inventory, the opened leaf package below them and Max’s gun leaning against the wall beside them (it’s bigger than they are). Lacey’s face is covered in Cheeto dust and there are a few remaining Cheeto crumbs scattered around them. They have a brief conversation of squeaks, translated into pictures.

Maisie: >:/ *exit sign, there isn’t an emoji for it but just draw one*❗️(she’s bored and she wants out)

Lacey and Crowbar: :o ???

Maisie starts crawling around determinedly until she comes across some kind of rift in reality, through which the toilet bowl is visible. But not to her, of course, because she can’t see just yet. She immediately plummets out of the rift with a tiny shriek, and her siblings react like :0 there’s silence for a second, before Crowbar squeaks and is translated to:

C: dare you to go after her

L: 👀

And that’s it!! Hdkhsshsg here’s hoping it’s at least a little amusing to y’all because it’s very funny to me for whatever reason hdjshsjhddhdjhfjd

Oh! And as a reward for sticking around here’s one of the other first drawings of them I ever did :’> they were very much inspired by @lillylunala’s drawings of Max as a baby if it isn’t obvious, which you should absolutely check out if you haven’t seen them bc my god she really nailed it heheheeee

#hhhhfhdhdgshgskjfhsgsjjdh little creachers….#I wanted to capture that early comics feeling of them being inexplicably wrapped up in a bizarrely supernatural case #but refusing to explain how they got the case or how they got where they are or how they know these people or anything lmao #y’know just like ‘well max here we are in the enchanted fairies’ woods! better go arrest that warlock’#and it’s like how the fuck did you know to come here. did the commissioner tell you to go beat up a warlock?? since when are fairies real #and absolutely none of that gets answered hdkdhdjdhs #also rip to Maisie falling headfirst into a toilet. second child of theirs to be pulled out of one at birth #sam and max #freelance husbands #the maxlings #asks #my art

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 11 months

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had quite the Experience reading a fic tonight. i felt like i stepped into an episode of the twilight zone

#delightful read. bizarre experience. amused emotions.#i was reading and then something happened and i was like 'hey lol ive scribbled something like that! funny'#i moved on with Same Hat feelings #but then it happened again. and again.#and it was like... What The Fuck Is Happening?? This Is So Specific???? Huh???#still amused! but also disoriented!!!#it made me think of that saying-#once is chance. twice is a coincidence. three times is a pattern #im sure it was just a Wild coinkydink but yk. got a kick outta it #actually i should add that fic series to the rec list #definitely worth reading #gave me Feelings #also was just all around well written #absolutely unprompted #might i just say that i love using tumblr like my personal journal #literally anything happens to me and i have to physically restrain myself from running over here #like OH EVERYONE NEEDS TO HEAR ABOUT THIS #if i had less self control my blog would be a wall of shit like:#'i caught a beetle and threw it outside!'#'saw a big raven outside my window!!'#'my cat did a cute thing!! my other cat did another cute thing!!'#'do you ever fantasize about decomposing!! i do! a lot!'#'once again missing that one enchilada from literal years ago!! it was so good!!'#i would be absolutely Unbearable #i have to pick and choose what im gonna be oversharing #i lay out my options like cards and Ponder them

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pax-former · 1 year

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Dreams I had today.

I just fucking dreamed tfp Ultra Magnus is having a blast in this school full of kids and having this huge smile across his face while talking compassionately about the thing he loves. (I think he even tries to play basket ball but fails miserably lol)

I was smiling all the way honestly you could probably see it on my face while I was sleeping

I also dreamed that Jack from tfp and I hugging tfp Megatron then running away giggling (there was a reason behind this but I forgot)

I ALSO dreamed of the unicron awakening, but instead of destroying earth, it Settled down and decided to be kind to the humans. (If you must know, the only person unicron killed was a Karen.

A fucking. Karen.

Ps: the Karen was killed because she wouldn’t throw the sandwich out which was believed to be unicrons eyes and ears for some reason

That’s it, just wanted to share it since it was fucking BIZARRE

#tfp #transformers prime #tfp ultra Magnus #tfp Megatron #dream I had #absolutely bizarre #someone please explain why this has happened #because now all I can think of is the way I was smiling fondly at ultra magnus like a parent looking at their kids #and Megatron having this surprised face at the warmth he was given OMG AHHHH #MEGATRON LOOKED FUCKING SUPRISED AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THAT #IM UGLY CRYING #AUGHHHHHHH-

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simcardiac-arrested · 1 year

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once again sorry to everyone for bringing this to your dashboards. but some of you are like, genuinely delirious. not even in a funny way. & i hope you die. i hope we both die. hand in unlovable hand etc etc

#Just so fucking bizarre to me how people can be Like This. there has to be something so wrong with your brain on a fundamental level #i can’t even laugh about this or anything because i genuinely feel pity for these people. it’s so sad to me how you’re gonna be like 20 #and then go in a niche tumblr community and create drama over Nothing. over Thin Fucking Air #like do you not have a life? do you not have college? or a job? doesn’t it get tiring? don’t you ever feel ashamed about all this #and the fact that they go and complain about the shipping and the ‘fandombrained’ people as well…. oh my god #how are you going to be TWENTY. and DO THAT. are you seriously sick. ? do you need help #just say you are homophobic and that you hate kids and go. it’ll save everyone a bunch of time for sure #anyways. as someone who has been a rain world fan since 2018. i love you embracing canon. i love you changing canon. i love you disregarding #canon entirely. i love you ships that make sense in canon & that make absolutely zero sense at all. i love you fancharacters that don’t #follow canon rules. i love you ‘cringe’ fancharacters and self inserts. i love you self shipping. i love you oc x canon shipping.#and i love you taking inspiration from designs. i love you community & i love you artists & i love you art #i love you borrowing elements and being inspired and referencing something because you liked it.#are fandoms perfect? GOOD GOD no. is every Fan perfect? no. am i also sometimes annoyed or irrationally pissed off over a ship that #i think is stupid and is illogical. Yes! i’m only human! but i can still love and appreciate the whole CREATIVITY of it all. and the whole #Fun that people are having. i love you having fun. if i don’t like it or if anyone else doesn’t like it they can just Cope #instead of hateposting about it on main and indirectly bullying people who are most likely children. or lgbt. or both #anyways. please continue doing whatever you want. The world is your oyster and you only live on earth once #everyone else can fuck off

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leqclerc · 3 months

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i’m glad i’m not the only one worried here. great for the team and all, but this feels like chaos waiting to happen. i thought we finally had it. even if we didn’t get a wdc, they couldn’t even bother to try and prioritize charles for once.

You're not alone in feeling like this! Being worried and not immediately jumping for joy and accepting every decision the team makes isn't any less valid. Because this is weird, this is unusual, this is something I never thought would happen. It's a lot to process. I've cycled through all five stages of grief today, from "oh lol funny memes" to "alright what the fuck does this mean for Charles?"

I get that a lot of people are super hyped about this, especially if you've always supported both drivers, I get that it must feel like a dream come true.

I'm so conflicted because on one hand, okay, maybe our concerns are unwarranted, maybe this will be the best thing ever, just what the team/Charles needs, massive success all around. But unfortunately I'm a chronic overthinker with pessimistic tendencies so of course I worry 🧍🏻‍♀️

But also, like you said, I thought Ferrari were done with bringing in world champions in favour of making world champions, you know? This just feels like it's going to complicate something that's already very volatile and complicated all on its own (see: plethora of issues that usually held Charles back, whether it be mismanagement or poor strategy, etc.) It already felt like everything needed to come together perfectly for him to maximise his chance of winning and now they throw this massive curveball and I really don't know what to think. Especially given the "multi year" deal (2+1 is I think the version journalists have settled on.)

It kind of just feels like the issues that already existed with Sainz will be magnified, you know? The media machine around Lewis is huge, so that's going to be ten times as intense (Sky is already putting down Charles and it's just going to get so much worse), the fan wars ten times as intense... It just feels like he can't win in any scenario, like all the work he's put in so far to get Ferrari back to their winning ways will be overshadowed by the new big star signing. If they create a competitive package and start winning when Lewis enters the team (even if Charles did the heavy lifting in terms of feedback and development) he will be credited for the team's success. I mean, just look at the way this misleading narrative of Carlos "single-handedly saving the strategy" stuck. Oftentimes people don't care about the facts, if a narrative appeals to them they will perpetuate it.

Plus, there will be so much pressure on Ferrari to "get Lewis that 8th title!!!" Mercedes's inability to do so soured a lot of fans' relationship with the team. If Ferrari really puts team interests above driver interests, then I'm sure they'd see the value in being the team that makes that happen. History book worthy stuff. Kind of concerned that in the midst of that Charles and his ambitions and goals might fall by the wayside. And he's got way more to lose in this situation—no matter how Lewis's time at Ferrari goes, he's a multiple WDC, no one's ever going to take that away from him. Same with Fernando, same with Seb. Charles has never even had a proper chance to go for one title with the team yet.

Like, if you think about it, you have clear "eras", right? Someone says Red Bull, you immediately associate them with Max and/or Seb. Lewis will, I think understandably, be associated with Mercedes due to his long stint and all the success he's enjoyed at the team. I guess I imagined that Ferrari was finally gearing up to be that with Charles going forward. But this shakes things up massively and while winning a championship with Ferrari was already a tall order, now it's, like, full on a herculean task.

#replies #anonymous #discussions and predictions #and again like??? this isn't me discrediting charles or not believing in him or whatever like ok i get it he's down for the challenge #but also like we all knew he's the better driver between him and carlos; that he'd beat him in terms of speed and talent #didn't stop ferrari from absolutely fumbling his chances in the races though and creating these bizarre comparisons and narratives #also having sat through peak brocedes championship fight era.. it was exhausting. and this was before f1twt was in its prime #it's probably going to be Not Nice especially if the car really is competitive #the british bias and british media powerhouse can be super super brutal especially against The Other (aka non british threat)#and like okay it's lovely to imagine lewis just going along for one last adventure and passing the baton to charles as the new gen #urghhh but if the car really is fire and there's a real possibility of him going for a title... do we really think he wouldn't?#of course he would why wouldnt he #my lived experience (traumatic) from 2014-16 is giving me hives. if both want something so badly and it's on the table it can get nasty #idk idk this feels like a fever dream

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outeremissary · 3 months

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kasander + 😴 please!

Thank you ❤️ Sleep questions about D&D elves always lead peculiar places, don't they?

hc + 😴 for a sleep-themed headcanon

Kasander seldom sleeps willingly. Their trance is already haunted by half-alien memories of blood and darkness, disorganized images they struggle to stitch together and match to their origins. It's upsetting even without any supernatural incursion causing more extreme visions, and it makes them fear resting. Sleeping, on the rare experiment trying to avoid the memories, is much worse. They always dream, and they always dream Bhaal's dreams. And it takes such a terribly long time to wake. So they avoid sleeping, and they're thankful not to have a reason to.

However, sleep is the most convenient way for the Emperor to contact them, and the Emperor has a way of pulling them under whenever he pleases. When they first met and the Emperor was still in the form of the Dream Visitor the Emperor offered to soothe their nights from the restless, terrible trance by quieting their dreams- if only they would sleep, of course. Disoriented, still largely amnesiac, and distressed by the visions, Kasander agreed eagerly (there was a lot of agreeing with the Emperor then) and committed themself to the psionic protection out of desperation for any relief from the growing fear there was something wrong with them. It did seem to work- mostly- but when Kas began to break with the Emperor they stopped sleeping nightly as well. By that point they were ready to grapple with the horrors of trance again, as painful and difficult as they were.

#any time something comes up around kasander and sleeping I have this moment of 'do elves sleep in pathfinder'#and you know what? I still don't know the answer. I should. but I don't.#I have become intimately acquainted with trance in D&D thanks to periodically being forced to fact check a bizarre and incorrect belief #that elves have to learn to trance properly and there was a cultural aspect of it. this isn't true and I don't know where I got it from.#anyway do you ever think about how fucking funny it is that trance is genuinely such a deeprooted and unique part of cross setting D&D lore #and so much shit pretends it doesn't exist. I'm guilty too it's the easy way out but god. it's such a simple alien touch #our conception of life is hard to separate from sleep huh #elves sleep an absolutely SILLY amount in bg3 despite there being flavor text and the guy scene acknowledging that they. y'know. don't.#the flavor text takes an especially hardline stance even. very silly. are we just supposed to pretend the sleeping is trance for elves #I'm about to sleep and not trance myself this was not a night of powerful focus for me #sorry you're getting my most scattered and incoherent one of the night :')#emi plays bg3 #ask me emithing #ask game #kasander #archduke-enver-gortash #hm. that feels like I'm summoning something. ominous.#anyway if I've just missed some in game explanation for what's going on every time elves appear to be sleeping please lmk

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