#I've found so much stuff for free in the last few weeks i felt that this tag in my last post needed its own post to spread the word | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wachtelspinat · 4 months

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i can't help but feel like my drawing days are kind of over. not entirely, i'll still be drawing from time to time. and deffo not because i want to. but i'm having this exact same feeling since mid 2022, since i was really struggling with my elective period, i kind of disconnected with art there and never truly found my way back. on top of everything that came after - moving, starting a job and working to be good at it which leaves such little room for other things because i can't handle my life well - there is just so much horrible shit going on. and i'm having a hard time comprehending it.

a part of me also feels very stupid for drawing one thing for almost 4 years now constantly, but another part of me knows "hey, but this makes you happy". it's a constant battle in my head because online spaces are like school grounds, and i don't actually wanna stand in the corner as that one kid that just can't shut up about that one character. but then again all i ever did was drawing fanart so... what does it. who gives a shit. be cringe and be free alright. but it kinda feels so hollow, esp. when you're at it for so long. a lot of mutuals move on. some are not even active anymore anywhere. and i wonder what happened. plus a huge chunk of the tone of the fandom has changed. also with the source material getting butchered so hard (since the release of ow2) it just kills the fun. playing this game used to be fun. playing this game was one thing that helped me getting through the last meters of university. it's like watching the downfall of the simpsons again without making the comparison too set in stone, just... this thing that used to be decent and nice and watching it getting ruined in real time (broken promises about pve, the recent gameplay changes?? the lore was fucked up from the start but they kind of tried, now it's just skins for 20+ dollars) while still having feelings for the characters is shit. anyway...

i recently went through a big folder of stuff i'd drawn at the age of 12-15 and there were so many fucked up but cool monster and cyborgs designs and just silly stupid stuff and all i could think of was that i felt so distanced from it, like i don't even know i think this is normal? because a lot of time has passed and a lot has happened and i knew i've drawn all this but i wasn't able to locate the person who did in my present me now and... it's just so normal that things move constantly forward but i feel like i missed huge chunks and passed a few stops and now i'm kind of lost.

i don't even know what i'm trying to say here anymore. i just feel sad because it feels like sth is slipping out of my grasp or sth has changed tremendously and i don't know how to make damage control.

i keep trying tho, i try to draw once a week at least. it's just like as soon as i take a step back and look at it i don't feel it at all. gonna continue tho, until it makes sense again i hope.

#this got a bit deep for saying i don't feel like art and i don't feel like it since 2022 #sorry for whining about this topic for so long already on here and twitter #but i've been drawing since 2004 and i can't deal with the feeling #of it slipping away #also ppl always recommend doing OCs or getting a new hyperfixation but #tbh i don't have the big brain powers for this #can't just switch or come up with sth new on the spot #esp with work #work is just very all consuming on so many lvls

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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 4 months

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Part 4 to the fwb series.

Takes place three weeks after the last update, Eddie is finally coming to terms with what you meant to him, he and Chrissy are over for good and Eddie is sure he will never get a chance with you again...

18+, minors shoo!! A lot of angst, pining.

🖤

It has been a long three weeks since Eddie had seen you. He had a lot of chance to reflect in those three weeks, all that kept playing in his mind is you shutting the door in his face.

He had lost you. Been so sure, so stupid and unbelievably arrogant that you'd be back that he didn't fight for you, ignored any feelings that tried to break through to the surface when you were with him.

You were right he did dangle hope, he felt like a complete asshole for how he treated you. It wasn't always like that though, most of the time you and Eddie laughed a lot.

Sometimes you'd even talk for a long time... it was a world away from what it was like with Chrissy, easy and felt good, not the on and off shit and arguments that him and Chrissy had.

What a fucking idiot he was. Dustin and Steve had went through him when they found out about the two of you, berated him for being a dick to you.

He deserved every bit of their ire. Fuck, how could he ever thought you'd take him back, when all he did was hurt you every time.

Chrissy glares at him as she removes the last of the stuff from the trailer, there's not much but she's took a long time to come and collect it. Not that he blames her for that, but they've both been stupid to think this could work between them.

It felt cathartic to finally be free of the notion of him and Chrissy, if he could really be honest they both moved on a while ago, clung on to long to something attainable.

"Are you in love with that girl or something because you're frankly quite depressing Eddie" Chrissy huffs at him and gestures to the forlorn way he's been acting.

"Yeah but I fucked it all up though so it doesn't matter anymore" he sighs as he lights a cigarette.

"Wow. Sucks to be you that you fucked around and she left you high and dry huh?" Chrissy says all sweetness laced with venom and he shakes his head. Shit why did he ever think that she was sweet?

Knowing he would be subject to more barbs and shit if he stayed, he leaves to get some peace and to just be alone for a while.

...

You're here. Eddie didn't expect to see you anytime soon, thought you'd avoid him like the plague or something. The Hideout is packed and there's a great band playing but all Eddie can notice is you.

You look beautiful, a smile on your face as you chat to the guy beside you. Eddie wonders if this is the guy you went on a date with? Were you dating still? His heart clenches in his chest, like it's in a vice grip.

When you catch his eye he swiftly looks away and clumsily downs his beer. Feels his heart race when you keep looking at him.

Sink or swim Munson, you can run away or you can at least make things right and apologise. He chooses the latter and walks up to you, he's all jumbled thoughts and he's nervous as shit but he has to do this.

"Hey, I won't take up much or your time princess but I just want you to know that I know I'm a fucking idiot, I should have let you in instead of keeping you at arms length and I... I miss you sweetheart" you stare at him for a long few seconds.

"You mean you miss the sex?" you murmur quietly and he shakes his head.

"No. I mean that was mindblowing sweetheart, you know that, but it's not just that. I know I've lost you, don't deserve any less but I just wanted to say this" he feels lighter in himself but the ache in his chest feels like it's multiplied.

Even the fucking bats weren't as painful as this shit feels. He turns to leave but you stop him, gently tug him back as you slip your hand through his.

It feels so fucking right.

"Did I mean anything to you or was it just sex?" your voice shakes a little bit and he wants to assure you that you did mean something, he was just an idiot who realised it too late.

"You were more than just sex. I'm so fucking sorry that it took me so long to realise, to get my head out of my ass" he leans forward and gently kisses your forehead, smiles sadly and then leaves.

...

You still feel the pressure of Eddie's lips on your head, that soft look in his eyes when he told you that you meant something to him, that you meant more than just sex.

It's like you're on autopilot when you drive home, your friend Alex's voice a distant fog as he talks about his date from earlier in the week.

The two of you had went on a date last month but both quickly realised it wasn't going to work.

Head swimming with thoughts you drop Alex of at his flat and continue driving, straight past your house and to Eddie's trailer.

You don't know why you're here, you shouldn't be but your stupid traitor heart is egging you on.

Chrissy would be here wouldn't she? As far as you knew they were still together... At least you hadn't heard otherwise. Dustin had mentioned Chrissy leaving Eddie, but they were always on and off so you didn't really know if they were together or not.

Just as you suspect Chrissy comes out of the trailer and your heart sinks, you're ready to turn away and sigh sadly. Why did you stupidly think anything would be different.

Eddie comes out at that point and he just looks so done. It gives you pause and you watch as Chrissy piles her belongings in the car, glaring at him.

"I mean it Eddie, I'm not coming back this time" you expect Eddie to beg or something but he doesn't, just shrugs softly.

"Chrissy, I'm done. Done with this, when you leave that's it. This isn't what I want, not anymore" you feel yourself gasp and Eddie's head turns in your direction.

"Princess. What are you doing here?" flustered you walk over feeling awkward as hell. Chrissy rolls her eyes, slams the trunk of her car down hard and gets in the drivers seat.

"Congratulations' she says cooly. Gotta say I'm surprised anyone got that freak to fall in love" despite what's gone on between you and Eddie you feel ire build up inside you at her comment to him.

"Don't call him that and he's not in love with me" you shake your head at the very thought, there was no way. He would have told you.

Chrissy cocks her head then snorts, drives away and raises a finger in Eddie's direction as she does. Over the roar of the car you don't hear what Eddie is saying, just see his lips move.

"What?" you move closer to him, his expression is tender and he strokes your cheek.

"I said yes I am" he replies to you gently, the confession hangs in the air. You're stunned, definitely didn't expect it.

"Why didn't you say anything? you whimper. Fuck, all of this heartache and shit. Thinking you meant nothing to him, then he tells you this.

"I'm an idiot. Realised at the last minute, realised I was too late, you said I'd lost you sweetheart and I realised after you said it that I was in love with you"

You're shivering and it's so cold but you're desperate to hear more of what Eddie says. He notices you shaking and motions you to come inside, retrieves a thick blanket and wraps it around you.

"I don't deserve another chance, I acted like such an asshole and I'm so fucking sorry sweetheart... If you ever did by some miracle want to give me one more shot at this then I promise you I'll do better, I'll love you so fucking much, I will never be so stupid to let you go again"

His hands slip into yours and you're rife with indecision. Your heart telling you one thing while your head is saying different.

"I can't promise that I'll never be an idiot but I won't ever hurt you ever, I mean that princess" he gazes at you with such sincerity that it takes your breath away.

"What if I suggested a coffee date or even just seeing a movie? Stopping over for some of Wayne's amazing mac and cheese?" you suggest, thinking of small ideas, something slow and easy at first.

Eddie's eyes light up. "Anything, anything you want. We could have hot chocolate and camp out, watch the stars like you wanted too that one time?" it sounds so nice, it would be so easy to say yes.

"I'm scared Eddie" you admit. Scared you'll get your heart broken again. He softens and sits beside you, squeezing your hands.

"I'm scared too sweetheart. I've never felt this way about anyone, certainly not Chrissy. If you decide to give me a chance, give me your heart then I'll swear I'll protect it and cherish it, never ever break it again"

Tears run down your cheeks and you nod, just a tiny bit and the smile that breaks out on Eddie's face is beautiful.

"You mean it?" he asks hopeful, big brown eyes full of happiness. Yes. Yes. You do mean it and grin back at him

Tentatively Eddie kisses you, smiling when you're arms wrap around him. He pulls away and takes your hand, kissing it softly.

"Hope you're ready to be wooed?" he teases and warmness sweeps over you. Hope that this time things will be different, know deep in your bones that this time Eddie isn't going to fuck up.

You cuddle into his chest and for the first time in a while, you feel content.

❤️

And that's it :) thank you to everyone who supported this series. I loved hearing all of your thoughts. Hope you like the final part 🖤

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fluff

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ultrone · 9 months

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omg so like hear me out on this… spider!lottie x kleptomaniac!reader

🕸️🕷️ –— spider!lottie x kleptomaniac!reader﹙1.0k wc﹚

you hadn't meant for it to turn into a pattern, but somehow, you always found yourself walking out of the convenience store with something you hadn't paid for. it wasn't that you wanted the items; it was just an impulsive habit.

this time, you had your sights set on a plastic dinosaur figurine that was perched near the counter. you quickly slipped it into your bag, thinking you were being discreet. but as you turned to leave, you found yourself nearly colliding with someone.

before you stood a tall girl, dressed in a sleek and unmistakably superhero-esque outfit—spider-girl, to be precise. shit. her eyes locked onto yours with an amused yet exasperated look. "a plastic dinosaur? seriously?" she remarked, her tone tinged with humorous disbelief.

you felt your cheeks heat up as you stammered, "i... uh, it's not what it looks like."

she sighed, clearly holding back a chuckle. "you know, most people go for cash or valuable stuff. but hey, who am i to judge?"

your heart raced, unsure whether this encounter would end with handcuffs or an awkward apology. to your surprise, she reached into her pocket and pulled out some money, handing it over to the cashier. "i'll pay for it. just... be more careful next time."

you blinked, utterly baffled by her response. "uh, thanks."

with a smirk, she turned to leave. "just promise me you'll aim higher next time."

and just like that, she left, the door ringing as it opened and closed, leaving you standing there in disbelief.

as the days turned into weeks, she caught you stealing a few more times, but instead of getting angry or calling the police, she always ended up laughing at the things you tried to take.

one sunny afternoon, a local carnival had set up in the heart of the city, and you saw an opportunity too good to pass up. your eyes locked onto a gigantic teddy bear that practically begged for a new home. you couldn't resist the challenge, and without much thought, you embarked on a mission to "borrow" it.

with determination—and stupidity, you found yourself getting tangled in the plush limbs of the massive toy. but just as you realized you might be stuck, a familiar voice floated to your ears. "i've seen some creative attempts, but this one takes the cake."

startled, you twisted around to find spider-girl leaning casually against a nearby support pole. she looked at you and the stuffed animal with amusement and concern.

you tried to extricate yourself from the predicament with a sheepish grin. "i... may have overestimated my ability to pull this off."

spider-girl chuckled, stepping forward to help you unravel from the plush mess. "i'll give you points for creativity, at least."

as you finally stood free, you let out a sigh of relief, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. "thanks..."

she grinned at you under her mask, amusement dancing in her eyes. "lottie. my name's lottie."

your heart skipped a beat at the revelation, and you watched in awe as lottie reached up to her mask, deftly unfastening it and revealing a face that was even more captivating than you had imagined. you couldn't help but stare—she was so pretty, so much so that you felt a flutter of nervousness deep within you.

lottie caught your gaze, her smile warm and genuine. "i don't just show my face to anyone, you know? but you've earned a special place on my 'no snitching to the police' list; i figured if you're going to keep stealing stuffed animals around me, you deserve to know who's keeping you in check."

you chuckled, relieved by her light-heartedness. "i'm honored. and don't worry, your secret's safe with me," you assured.

"good to know," she replied with a mock-serious nod, though her eyes sparkled with joy. "besides, if anything, i could always snitch to the police for trying to steal things," she added the last part with a playful glint in her eye.

you raised an eyebrow playfully. "oh, is that a threat?"

she leaned in, her voice dropping to a whisper. "well, only if you don't promise to behave."

you flushed at her words and her proximity, but before you could respond, she took you by the hand and led you, walking toward a nearby game.

the two of you spent the rest of the carnival wandering around, sharing cotton candy and daring each other to try various games and rides. it was during a break, as you both sat on a bench, people-watching, that you found yourself drawn to the unmasked girl beside you.

"i feel like i owe you a confession," you admitted, your voice tinged with nerves and honesty, your fingers twisting and fidgeting with each other.

lottie turned to you, her curiosity evident in her eyes. "oh? what's that?"

you glanced down at your hands, a bit unsure of how to continue. "i never really wanted any of the stuff i took," you confessed. "it's always been this impulsive habit, a way to... i don't know, feel something, i guess."

lottie's gaze softened, and she reached for your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "it's okay. we all have our ways of coping with things." she comforted you, "but maybe you can channel that energy into something different."

you met her eyes, your curiosity evident with furrowed eyebrows. "like what?"

"mmm..." she said, pretending to ponder. "like spending time with someone who appreciates you for who you are and can make you laugh," she said, her lips curving into a gentle smile.

you flushed slightly at her suggestion, your heart dancing in your chest. "you know? maybe that'd work," you teased, a playful glint in your eyes.

as the carnival lights grew brighter against the darkening sky, it was finally time to head home. lottie dropped you off, and before she put her mask back on and swung away with her spiderwebs, she left a quick kiss on your cheek, her lips soft against your skin.

and with that, she spun around, shooting her webbing to a nearby building, and swung away into the night. you watched her disappear into the distance, your heart fluttering in your chest.

as you entered your room, something caught your attention. your eyes widened as you saw the gigantic teddy bear you had attempted to "borrow" from the carnival now hung upside down from the ceiling, suspended by intricate spiderwebs. a note dangled from its paw, handwritten with a purple glittery pen: “see you tomorrow, i'll pick you up at 6:00 pm. xoxo lottie ♡”

#𓏲 📂 ⋮ my works .ᐟ #lottie matthews x reader #lottie matthews x you #lottie matthews x y/n #lottie matthews blurb #lottie matthews fluff #lottie matthews drabble #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #yellowjackets x y/n #yellowjackets drabble #yellowjackets au #spiderman au

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ilikemicrowaves · 6 months

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MOURNING

Summary: Jax won't admit it, but he misses his friend Kaufmo, and the most healthy way to cope? Crying in Kaufmo's room away from everyone!

Notes: Yeah...longer than expected because of ✨️family drama✨️ and I needed to focus on my grades lol enjoy

@tadssstrange <- not the one I was working on, but I did finish this one

♡————☆◇☆————♡

Slowly creaking open the entrance to the Kaufmo's room, he flicked the lights, stepping into the clowns bedroom. Paints, mini confetti bombs, fake daisys, all of his old stuff.

The once clean floors and walls where still covered with his sloppy but still legible handwriting. Nobody had bothered to come to his room, yet until now. Jax couldn't bare to go.

Steadily, the purple rabbit stepped his way to the old friends unmade bed. He hopped onto it and curled his legs up to his chess as he leaned against the wall, mourning his friends absents.

Jax still remembered his silly little grins from just a week before, one of the only thinks that was nice in this digital hell. His favorite memories where their pranks on the others, hiding Zoobles parts, scaring Ragatha with centipedes, and even crashing an adventure if it wasn't much fun.

Jax smiled at the thought, of Kaufmo and him making jokes or just hanging out in general. He actually enjoyed his presents, and found his startled honks and squeaks silly. He shivered thinking of the day of his abstraction. Why hadn't he put the thought on checking on him? Could he have fixed him before it was too late? It didn't matter now, he was gone; deep in the cellar with the other lost ones.

Shakey breath, he layed his head on a pillow and stared at the ceiling. Nothing but "Exit, Exit, Exit." Endlessly repeating itself until someone would be drove mad. He turned his head away from it, and faced the desk next to the bed.

A pot with some daisys, a lamp, and a peice of crumbled paper..

Paper?

Jax lifted his arm enough to reach out and grab it, unfolding it until he could see the rest of the page. It was a note, or rather, letter. His pupils scanned the writing.

I know I will be gone soon, I can feel it. Just yesterday I started hacking up thick black goo. I can't leave without proving them I'm right. Caine is a LIAR. I seen it, large and red. I probably couldn't even reach the handle if I got to it. I've seen it twice, outside and in the tent. I'm not having digital hallucinations, I've been here long enough. Once I show everyone that Exit, we can all leave together. I don't know what's on the other side, or even if our family's are still out, if we had any. I just cant leave them all behind, especially Jax's. But maybe then, I can find Jax afterwards, and we can be best buds outside of this hell and be free.

Those last few sentences... It made him tear. So many emotions filled his head and heart all at once. Breaking down, he held onto the paper fiercely and began to slowly but surely, break into a sob. Thankfully these rooms where all soundproof, he couldn't have any of the others seeing him so weak and cowardly.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his face leaving wet spots on the pillow and blanket. Soon enough, he started to whimper. Embarrassing squeaks and whines croaked from his throat that he couldn't control.

Being in this room didn't help. Kaufmo wasn't coming back but he still felt there.

He buried his face into the pillow to try and quiet his sobs even though no one but him could hear it. He couldn't bare his sobs, he wasn't supposed to cry. He's the tough guy, that listens to nobody and has no soft spots.

His heart rate began to slow and his sobs and whines softened after about a good 5 minutes. He grabbed the blanket and curled himself into it, tucking each corner in to trap the heat and let his tense muscles relax. His breathing calmed and he was able to stop shaking from his cries. Finally, he let his mind drift to some place else, and with a few sighs he muttered, "I miss you, Kauffy," and fell into a deep, calming sleep.

♡————☆◇☆————♡

Notes: the fluff one should be done within next month, I've been bussier than expected.

PLEASE REBLOG

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc kaufmo #tadc jax #kaufax #meanjokes #mischievous honk #jax x kaufmo #kaufmo x jax #<- its hinted / implied #also i dont think i will do any big writing of them because i dont think we see enough of Jax's yet and Kaufmo doesnt even have any lines #but i do plan to

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bots-and-cons · 11 months

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Hey uhhh I've been "down in the dumps" recently as they say, and i could just really use some like. Rachet or Starscream fluff/comfort. Just either one of them opening up and caring for their human friend/ s/o /whatever who's just kinda shut down emotionally wise. I mean, they're acting farily normal, it's just their responses have become more bland, scripted. And their personality has just become very mellow and they're spacing out a lot. If that makes sense. Feel free to just say no if it's too depressing or anything.

Uhhh drink some water. Yea. And fuq it, go eat some chocolate.

I did it with Ratchet and a reader that he has been in a relationship with for a while, so romantic. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling down, but I hope you’ll feel better soon. I feel like this is pretty mediocre and I didn’t put enough effort into this, but I started this last week and just wanted to post it and get it out of the ask box. Take care of yourself too

You felt like you had been in such a fog lately. Nothing felt good, but nothing felt bad either, everything just felt bland. You didn’t want to bother Ratchet with it either. There had been so much going on at the base lately, you felt like he was busy enough as it was. He was barely resting, so you didn’t want to take that time from him by talking about your problems.

It’s not like Ratchet hadn’t noticed you starting to shut down emotionally. You didn’t talk to him much, and when you did, it felt like you weren’t really present in the conversation. He had meant to make time for you and he knew his busyness probably wasn’t helping any. He wanted to talk to you, to help, but he couldn’t seem to find the time.

You knew Ratchet wasn’t doing it on purpose, he was genuinely incredibly busy, but it still kind of hurt. You hadn’t gotten a chance to actually stop and talk for almost a week. If he was too busy, so be it, maybe you just shouldn’t care anymore. Maybe it would be easier that way.

You were sitting on the couch, just scrolling through your phone absentmindedly. If someone were to ask you what you were looking at on the phone a few seconds ago, you wouldn’t be able to tell them.

“(Name)?” Ratchet asked.

“Hmm?” you muttered, not looking up from your phone.

“I think we should talk. Would you come with me?”

“Yeah, sure” you said, but it sounded like you weren’t really paying much attention to him.

You stuffed your phone into your pocket and followed Ratchet to his room.

Ratchet had set an alarm so he would know if the computer found something during the scan, but he had to talk to you. You clearly weren’t doing too well, and in the last few days, your emotional state had been declining even more. He felt responsible and wanted to help you, he just wasn’t really sure how.

You let Ratchet lift you to his berth, and you sat down on the edge next to him.

“How are you feeling?” Ratchet asked.

“I’m okay” you said bluntly, not looking at him.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that…” Ratchet sighed.

“Do what?” you asked, raising your head to look at him.

“Lie to me”

There was a moment of silence between you, before you sighed and said: “I wish I didn’t feel the need to. I just… I know you have so many responsibilities, and you know I have a hard time asking for help or talking about stuff like this”

“I know, I just wish you’d come to me before it gets so bad for you” Ratchet said and placed his hand on your side.

Just this was so much better. His touch brought you so much comfort, and it felt like you were just now becoming aware of the cold you’d been feeling when he hadn’t been there. Ratchet didn’t need to do much to bring you the feeling of warmth you so craved. You knew you were important to him, but so was the team, even if it was in a different way.

“Could you just stay with me for a while? Until you have to go again?”

“Of course” Ratchet said softly.

“I love you” you said, leaning your head against the side of his leg.

“I love you too” Ratchet said.

You closed your eyes and just let him hold you next to him. You were trapped between his leg and his hand, but you felt safe there. You could feel the roughness of metal under your cheek as you leaned against his leg. Even though the metal was rough, it was warm, it was alive. Not in the same way as a human, but he was most certainly alive.

You didn’t know how to talk to him sometimes. You’d think someone so old would also be just as wise, but he seemed to lose his ability to talk just as often as you. He didn’t know what to say to you either, but maybe he didn’t need to. Maybe knowing you loved each other would be enough. Maybe you would be just fine, together.

#transformers #tfp #transformers prime #autobots #ratchet #tfp scenarios #transformers fluff #comfort #reader insert #tfp x reader #transformers x reader

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dudadragneel · 7 months

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Hello guys! It's me!

How are you doing?

AFTER HALF A CENTURY...IM BACK WITH ANOTHER SICKFIC!

Now, this one was supposed to be a little drabble but I got a little carried away...

Anyways, enjoy!

Thinking about Hyunjin who has a really bad stomachache and he’s been crying on and off all day and can barely eat anything but once he feels a bit better he goes with reader to the library while she study’s in silence and he just kinda tries to distract himself with reading, but then he starts feeling nauseous and can’t really talk because yk you gotta be QUIET in a library. So he has to text her to tell her he feels like he’s going to vomit but she’s not quite getting the hint that he wants to leave so he has to be really blunt with her 😭. THEN she takes him outside and he just dry heaves, then she gives him water and he just throws up the water. but when they get in the car…oh that’s a WHOLE new situation and mess.

LIBRARY DATE

While you were on your midterms, Hyunjin was in a well-deserved rest period. However, the poor boy's body was feeling the toll from the last promotion. His immune system wasn't doing that great and he ate something that didn't sit well with his stomach.

He woke up with a really bad stomach ache, it was a sharp pain around his middle, especially sharp in the pit of his stomach. The pain was so strong he actually started crying at some point.

- babe, it hurts!

- oh baby. I know it does. I gave you medicine, it will take some time for it to work. Do you want to eat some light soup? Or maybe a fruit?

- no...it feels horrible...I feel like I've eaten enough for the week.

- but you didn't eat anything. Not since last night.

-I know....but I just can't, it's hurting too much.

- oh Hyune...do you want me to rub your belly?

- yes...

You sat next to him at the edge of the bed where he was lying down and proceeded to rub his belly. He felt comfortable with your touch and closed his eyes to try and rest. In a few minutes, he managed to fall asleep.

You let him rest while you finished doing your chores at the house and prepared something light for him to eat in case he woke up feeling a little better.

A few hours later, he woke up feeling a little better, the pain was barely there and he was actually feeling a bit hungry.

You had prepared some light snacks for him, as you thought that would sit better than soup.

- Hey sleepyhead.

- Hey babe.

He said going towards you like a little kid for a hug.

You hugged him as he buried his face on your shoulders and spoke softly.

- Are you feeling better?

- Yeah...a little....

- Do you want to eat something?

- Yeah...

- Come on.

You said as you grabbed his hand and walked to the table. You served him the snacks you were preparing before in hopes he'd be able to get at least a little bite in.

- You don't have to eat everything. Just pick what you think your stomach will agree with.

- Woah! Thank you, honey.

You just smiled as you sat in front of him while he ate. You kept scrolling through your phone and chatting with him.

- Hyune

- Hm?

- I'm thinking about going to the library to study later. Are you gonna be ok alone?

- Can I accompany you?

- are you sure? Are you feeling better?

- Yeah. I think going out of the house might help me feel less stressed.

- Okay then. Why don't you finish eating and while you digest your food, I'll take a shower and get ready?

- ok!

He did as you told him, he sat on the couch and patiently waited while you showered and gathered your stuff.

The local library wasn't that big but it was beautiful and cozy and definitely helped you feel more concentrated to study.

You found a free table, sat down, and organized your things, you put on your earphones to help you concentrate more. Hyunjin just sat in front of you, completely in love seeing you so focused. He loved seeing how passionate you were about the things you did, even if it was just sitting down and studying.

He couldn't really keep on using his phone so he decided to look for a book about art to read while you studied.

At first, he was entertained, almost like a toddler, he managed to learn about some other painting techniques and he was happy that this outing turned out to be productive for him as well.

But then things started to go south. As he was reading, the stomachache from earlier was starting to turn into full nausea.

And unfortunate to him because, ironically, he picked a book that had tons of Van Gogh's paintings in it, and all that swirling werent helping at all.

He brought a hand to his stomach and gently pressed on it because even though he felt nauseous, the pain from earlier was still lingering around.

He tried to stay focused on the book but the more he tried to read or look at the pictures the more his stomach twisted. He placed the book on the table, closed his eyes took and deep breath in, and exhaled, trying to keep the nausea at bay.

He kept bringing his hand to his stomach and fidgeting on the chair, most to catch your attention, but you were basically in another dimension of full focus, and he didn't really want to use his phone and risk feeling even worse.

But the nausea was growing stronger, so he had no other option. He got his phone and texted you, but the contents of the message weren't shown so you just shrugged it off as him trying to distract you.

He sent a few more texts, but you didn't even bother looking up, part of you wanted to show him that you could stay focused even when he incorporated a toddler to annoy you. But little did you know the distress he was in.

He set down his phone and lay his head on his arms, but the nausea was reaching its peak. He could feel the little he had eaten earlier sloshing around and his mouth started pooling with saliva. He started to swallow convulsively but things just weren't working.

He felt something rushing up his chest and a foul taste in his mouth, he was gonna throw up and there was nothing more he could do to avoid it. And you still hadn't read his texts. He didn't want to talk, first because you were in a library and it was really quiet, and second because he was afraid that if he opened his mouth he'd throw up right then and there, but he had no other choice. He needed to get out of there.

He abruptly put down your book and if you weren't in a library, you would've yelled at him.

You looked straight at him but before you could even get angry, he took his only chance.

- I'm gonna throw up.

He said as quietly as possible but still urgent. Apparently, just admitting that he was gonna be sick, made his stomach contract and he was quick to cover his mouth to surpass a gag.

- Shit.

You said standing up and getting to his side. You just grabbed his arm and wrapped your arm around him as you guided him out, his body already bending over as his stomach contracted again.

Unfortunately for him, some people noticed the sudden commotion.

For some reason, the bathroom wasn't near the room you were in, so you just took him outside in the yard.

He bent over, hands on his knees for support while you kept on holding his arm and rubbing his back.

He spat out the thick saliva that had filled his mouth as you two were walking out of the room.

He felt awful, saliva kept filling his mouth over and over again and he just kept spitting it out. But the nausea was still there and it was strong.

He tried straightening his back for a bit to see if he would feel any different, but it just made his stomach flip again.

He bent over one more time and began gagging again, you could feel him tensing up under your touch with every gag but nothing but saliva came out. You felt horrible and could only hope people would just pass by and not notice him.

- Hyune? May I try something?

He just nodded. You massaged his stomach with a bit of pressure to see if you could stimulate it somehow to help him get whatever was making him feel bad out. But it didn't work, he just kept dry heaving.

- I-I feel awful...my stomach is churning and flipping but nothing is coming up...

- Oh baby...Why don't you try drinking some water? Maybe trying to get something in will help you throw up. Don't take small sips, just try to drink as you normally would.

You handed him your bottle of water and he drank it just as you said.

He drank almost half a bottle and he could feel his stomach revolting inside him. He bent over again and gagged a few times before his stomach contracted a little more and brought up all the water he had just drank but nothing else.

You kept rubbing his back as he proceeded to throw up water and thick saliva. In a few minutes, he was left dry heaving again. You gave him some water to rinse his mouth and then wiped it.

- Babe? Why don't we sit down for a bit?

- Hmm...

You guided him to a nearby tree and helped him sit down.

- How are you feeling?

- Sick...

- Okay. Let's go home. I'll go grab our stuff.

- I'm sorry...I'm sorry for interrupting your study...

- Don't apologize...I should be the one apologizing for not noticing sooner... Just wait here, I'll be right back.

He lay his back on the tree and tilted his head back with his eyes closed. He took deep breaths and tried to pay attention to his breathing or the sound of the leaves rustling with the wind, anything that could distract him from nausea in his stomach.

You grabbed your stuff and apologized for the sudden commotion and left to get the sick boy waiting by the tree.

- Come on, let's go. Can you stand?

- Can you help me?

- Of course.

You positioned your arms beneath his while he held you for support, and helped him to his feet. You stood like that for a while, with a firm grip on him, to make sure he wasn't feeling faint before heading to the car.

- Do you prefer to roll down your window or the AC?

- The AC...I'm afraid that any smell will enter the car if the windows are open.

- Okay. Babe, tell me if you feel like throwing up, okay? So I can at least try to pull over.

- Okay.

The first 30 minutes of the ride were okay. He kept his eyes closed while you held his hand, thank God for automatic cars. You kept quiet the whole time because you didn't want to overwhelm him.

But then, the worst happened. Traffic. For some reason, traffic stopped. And you felt desperate because you wanted to get home fast, so Hyunjin could rest.

- Shit! There must've been an accident or the traffic lights are broken...you okay?

He just nodded and closed his eyes again. You knew he wasn't okay, he was far from being okay. Traffic felt like it was moving one centimeter at a time.

He was okay at first because the car wasn't moving but the realization that he'd be stuck in a car for god knows how long while feeling sick made everything worse.

The nausea which was somewhat controlled, increased ten times. He squeezed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh while his hands gripped his thighs and the door handle with such force his knuckles turned white. He tried taking deep breaths but the sudden movement of the car made his stomach jolt. He felt something coming up his throat and started to swallow convulsively. There's no chance in hell he was gonna throw up inside the car, he had already ruined your study day and now he was going to soil your car with vomit? No chance.

You were too focused on the road, trying to understand what was causing the traffic jam, so you didn't notice him fidgeting by your side.

He managed to swallow it back but it was a useless effort. As soon as it went down it shot back up, hot foul tasting liquid hitting the back of his throat. He gagged and quickly brought his hands to his mouth, fearing the worst.

The gag snapped you back into the reality of the car.

- Hyune? You okay?

He barely made eye contact with you when his stomach jolted one more time, making him gag once more. But this time, vomit gushed out, slipping through his fingers, and soiling both him and your car.

- Oh my god! Hyune!

His stomach didn't give him time to think before contracting again and sending even more pale vomit up, once again escaping through his fingers.

You were shocked with the situation unfolding before your eyes so it took a few seconds for you to react.

You quickly reached for the glove box and found a little towel you always kept with you, considering how he had gotten sick in the car before.

- Oh babe! Don't worry.

You placed it on his lap and told him to open his hands and let the vomit fall on the towel, while you drove a little more. Once you stopped again, you looked for a plastic bag inside your stuff so that Hyunjin could throw up everything making him feel bad.

- Here. Use this.

- S-sorry...I'm s-sorry...

- Don't apologize. It's not your fault you're sick.

He closed his eyes as he gagged again, this time inside the bag, liquid coming out and hitting the back making a sickening sound. You could only rub his back and mutter some words while you drove.

- Oh baby, just let everything out.

He burped another wave, followed by another one making him bend forward a little and you could feel him tensing up under your hand.

- Just get everything out.

He gagged a few times until he threw up again, vomit mixing with the liquid inside the bag. The car was starting to smell and you both wanted to get out of there.

Thankfully, the traffic jam stopped and you as fast as you legally could to get home.

Arriving there, you went straight to Hyunjin's door to help him.

- Here. Let me get rid of this.

You threw away the bag filled with vomit and turned your full attention to him, who was sitting inside the car facing you.

- We're home, baby. Let's go. Can you stand?

- I don't kno-

He was cut off by a sudden gag that sent up more vomit making him bend forward and you barely escaped from soiling your shoes. You shifted to his side and rubbed his back as he vomited again.

- Here. Rinse your mouth and let's go up. You need to take a shower.

He rinsed his mouth and you helped him up, wrapping your hands around him and carefully heading to the elevator.

Arriving home, you went directly to the bathroom with Hyunjin. You helped him out of his soiled clothes and tossed them in the dirty laundry basket.

- You don't need to stay here...

- Hyune, we've been dating for quite some time now...you don't need to be embarrassed. I just don't want to risk you fainting in the shower. But I'll turn around if that will make you feel more comfortable.

- Thank you...sorry...

- it's okay, honey.

Thankfully the shower ended without any accidents, despite him dry heaving over the rain for a brief moment.

You helped him change clothes and then got the bed ready for him to sleep.

You embraced him in a tight hug and kissed the top of his head. And that was the last straw. He started to cry and sob and buried his face in your shoulder.

- Honey? Baby? Why are you crying?

You said with a cute voice and almost crying yourself.

- I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...

- it's okay, baby! Stop apologizing.

- but...I ruined your day...you couldn't study because of me, your car is completely dirty...I'm sorry

He said breaking down even more.

- Oh baby! There's nothing to apologize for. You were sick! It's not your fault! You didn't ruin my day! Stop worrying about that! Hyune, I love you! I'd never, not once, think that you ruined my day.

You said as you cupped his face in your hands and wiped his tears away.

- promise me you'll stop feeling guilty about it.

- I- I promise...

He said pouting. You kissed him and then embraced him again as you two lay in bed.

- How are you feeling?

- Still a little nauseous...

- Wait here a little bit, let me grab a bucket just in case.

You grabbed the bucket at light speed and went back to bed. You cuddled him and started rubbing his belly. He sunk under your touch and within minutes, the poor tired boy was fast asleep.

You changed your approach and kept stroking his hair until you fell asleep as well.

The night went on without any other incidents, the poor boy had his energy completely drained after everything that happened and you couldn't be more grateful that he managed to sleep like a rock until midday.

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my-castles-crumbling · 2 months

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Hello!!

How are you?

I’ve been feeling stressed out about a lot of things recently and everytime I’ve felt like this in the past it’s you who always helps me out! So I’m back… (not sure it’s a good thing)

Ok so firstly let’s discuss my sexuality. So for the past 3 years I’ve identified as bisexual. I basically like all genders but do have a preference. For example, I am more attracted to masc presenting people than fem presenting people, but I also prefer queer people more often than not. Does this make sense?

This makes me bi, right? Bc I have preference?, bc sometimes I wonder if I could be pan, but pansexual is with no preference (?)

Alrighty, second thing on my mind is the dreaded gender. I’ve been questioning for about 10 months now and I feel like I’ve made progress and I wanted to talk to you about it! So I was that anon and go was spamming your asks back in like December and January bc I was so confused about what gender identity I could be. I asked about almost all of them and you truely helped me so much!

I thought I was faking it as I’m like older than most people when working this stuff out (19), but you reassured me that I wouldn’t be faking it if it was keeping me up. You also said I could be genderfluid, like you. I remember you said you had similar experience to what I was describing: I did look into that and it’s still something I think about. I know I’m not cis. Sometimes I do relate to being a ‘girl’ (as uncomfortable as that makes me feel, it’s the truth). (I am afab). I know I’m definitely not a man. And I had thoughts that I could be agender.

I’ve come to conclusion that I am non-binary, possibly genderfluid, in which fluctuates from agender to demigirl to nonbinary. (Still discovering it all though). I just wanted to come on here and thank you so much for all the help and guidance that you provided! It really means a lot and you are the most amazing human in the world for that! 🫶🏼

Ok now lastly I am a uni student, and I have placement in 2 weeks. I’m going to a school to teach… yes I’m going to be a teacher (like you!) Clothes were the initial issue with placement as clothes always make me feel dysphoric, but you helped me with that as well! The thing that’s keeping me up lately is the title of what the students will call me. Most teachers go by Ms/Miss/Mrs/Mr and then their last names. I don’t want that. I know I’ll end up being called Ms ______, which makes me sad. What do students call you? Do you think it’s bad if I just tell them I want to be called by my first name or is that unprofessional? I know this is silly and I shouldn’t be overthinking it but it’s making me feel uncomfortable and sad so I thought I’d ask you for advice. (I also don’t know how I feel about Mx being used for me).

Again Cas, thank you for all the help you have provided me these last few months! I am so glad I found your blog when I did bc you have helped me in more ways than I ever could have imagined! I am so so grateful for you and I hope you have everything you want in life bc you deserve it!

Enjoy your day/night :)

Hi!!!

Yes, I remember you!

Okay so for sexuality...I think this is a matter of opinion, to be honest. Like, I've read completely different things and I am by NO means an expert. But in MY opinion? If you have the ability to be attracted to anyone, regardless of gender, that would be pan. Even if you have preferences. But if you're strictly only looking for certain genders, that would be bi. I hope that makes sense? Like there's a difference between having a preference and not being attracted at all.

I'm so glad I could help you with your gender! With teaching, have you ever considered just going by your last name? I think it might not be a good idea to go by first name, just because that brings you on a 'friend-level' and some kids will take advantage about it. But just your last name isn't gendered, and also give you some authority.

I'm so so glad I could help you, and please feel free to write again!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: impressive anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

#ask #asks #ask cas #impressive anon

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princesscolumbia · 5 months

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Author Thoughts

I'm approaching the end of my third full novel I've written in my life.

One was supposed to be a licensed work but then that license holder got bought by another company that cancelled the IP that book was based on, so now sits on my hard drive. I go back and read it every few years or so, mostly to see how far I've progressed as an author since my early twenties.

The second was pure catharsis, a fanfic about trauma and homelessness and found family and dealing with pain and loss. You can find it on FiMFiction.net and AO3 if you're interested.

My most recent will not be appearing here due to the Dead Dove content (Explanation for those who needed this defined like I did: "Dead Dove" fics are those that have clear tagging, especially on AO3, that there's "problematic" content in the work but people who are triggered by the clearly tagged problematic stuff read it anyway and get upset. Based on the "Dead Dove" meme where the guy looks in the bag clearly marked, "Dead Dove, do not eat" and looks inside and finds, sure enough, a dead dove), but has been some of the most interesting, challenging writing I've ever done where I'm allowing my creative brain to intentionally think, "What's the bad ending and how do I make it interesting?"

When I was writing my first novel, I got to a point about 3/4's through and my writing slowed down significantly. It took two years for me to write it, nine months of that was just on the last 1/4 of the book. It wasn't any more lengthy or challenging than the rest, just I suddenly felt like I was running out of steam and couldn't keep going, even though I'd plotted out pretty much ever plot point and story beat down to specific timing for the climax chapter.

When I was working on my second (completed, I've started a few dozen since my first) work, I got to about 3/4's through...and slowed down. It took over a year to write and, just like my first book, the last 1/4 took the lion's share of that time.

My current book I've been hammering on since early December 2023 (if you're reading this later than the posting date, the first chapter is currently only about a month old by this point), and I actually wrote a full outline complete with copious notes so I wouldn't forget anything I wanted to do with the fic. I'm on Chapter 9 of 11 chapters and an epilogia (Epilogia - n. - collection of epliogues. See also, "Prologia" and "Blame Brandon Sanderson") and sure enough, as I put some paragraph marks between "Chapter 9" and my notes, suddenly I started slowing down. I took an entire day off, thinking I was just burning out, but no, I only didn't want to write as I sat down to actually do the writing.

I've been pondering this for the last week-ish, and I believe it has to do with the project being just about done. This has taken pretty much my entire free time since I started and is a tremendous source of dopamine, and now that I'm getting closer to the end, my idiot monkey brain is seeing the end of the dopamine and is trying to delay the end, hoping that'll keep the dopamine rolling in.

Something that I've been working on may be a solution. I've been dropping little Easter Eggs into my fics so fans of one body of work can be pleasantly surprised when they see something from that work turn up in an apparently unrelated project. A character from My Empire of Dirt might appear in Deviation, an epilog on another project will be a big reveal about a character based on the sudden and unexpected intersection with Lost in the Dark. Sunset Shimmer from Redhead/Redhead winds up meeting with Ranma "Sailor Moon" Saotome from Fission. That sort of thing.

Basically, I'm going to convince my monkey brain that it's ALL just one, massive, ongoing "novel" and the dopamine will flow forever so long as the writing does, too.

Will it work? We'll see if it did based on how quickly I can get Ch. 9 out. 😋

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winniethewife · 7 months

Text

You Can’t Always Save Everybody.

(Miguel O’hara x Spidersona!Scarlette Web)

Chapter 2

Last chapter ~ Next chapter

Words: 1129

Once Miguel and the others were finally free, they sent Gwen home, this was obviously above her level. Peter and Miguel went to Valentine's apartment only to find it mostly abandoned. Her things lay scattered all around, her books gathered dust, the kitchen empty, and all the blueprints for the gadgets she made for the spider society were torn and burnt around the edges.

“Miguel. Look.” Peter pointed it out, it was her old black and blue spider suit lay over the back of the couch left like she had gone on her last patrol as spider woman, only to leave again as Scarlett Web. Miguel held the fabric in his hand, his face a mixture of sadness, frustration, and anger.

“How the hell did I miss the signs? She needed me…” Miguel mutters mostly to himself. Miguel started pacing around Valentine’s apartment as if he could still find her there. It was a fruitless effort, but his head still refused to accept the reality before his very eyes.

“This isn’t true… not Valentine…” he whispered to himself, as his fingers held the fabric tightly the soft scent of her still lingering on it

They started to search the apartment for anything to help them find her. He was searching her bedroom while Peter was going through her computer in the other room. He about to give up before he found her diary. He flipped through it to try and see if there were any clues to where she might be. As he's looking through he is surprised to find several Polaroids of her and her Miguel, accompanied short journal entries.

A picture of her and Her Miguel dressed in typical gothic teen fashion in high school, He has his arm wrapped around her they’re both smirking at the camera.

“May 18th - Miguel has been calling me this really sweet nickname, Chiquitita. I really love it. I keep calling him Tiger, he thinks it’s funny.”

Miguel couldn’t help but feel his heart break as he read on. He looked at the few Polaroids, his heart dropping as he took in Valentine’s words.

“Chiquitita…” He hadn’t really thought about her relationship with her husband. She didn’t talk about it with him, but this other Miguel called her Chiquitita.

He flipped to a recent entry, no more polaroid pictures filing every page.

“August 4th- I don't know what happened today. Miguel wouldn't talk to me today. Barely looked at me. Did I do something? He's gotten really distant, and I’m trying to be understanding with everything that happened, but today he completely ignored me. I don't understand.” Miguel paused over the single sentence of the next entry. “August 7th- I must have done something terrible for him to treat me this way.”

Miguel could only stare at the page before him the guilt was eating him alive just from the thought of the pain Valentine must have felt.

“August 14th - This new tech I'm working on. It's beyond the ethics of the spider society. This stuff...is lethal. We don't kill people. At least not intentionally. Miguel hasn't been over seeing my work anymore he doesn't come to my lab anymore at all. I don't know why. But I know if he knew what I was working on. Wouldn't approve it anyway.”

“There might not be a way back for Valentine …” he whispered out loud, as he read on through the latest entries.

“September 1st- I don't know how I ever considered him my friend. Miguel went from ignoring me, to cruel side comments to, to this? Sending me on an anomaly mission entirely alone? No back up? I thought I was going to die. And I get back and he's just pissed I couldn't catch it. Yelled at me for like an hour. I've cried over him so often but this is too much. I can't cry anymore.”

Miguel remembers this fight. About a week before she left. Valentine had left because of their fight, where he had hurt her feelings. All of that time, and that was what finally broke her.

“September 9th- I killed a man tonight. I was walking home from the store. He tried to attack me. All I can think of is how Miguel would have reacted. Would he have wanted me to defend myself? Or would he tell me that I should have been more careful, and that as a spider woman I can't get away with things like that. I hate how much control I let him have over me.” At the bottom of this entry is a separate note, “APD-MERCY”

Miguel felt his heart sink when he read the last entry She killed a man. Valentine… Valentine was a murderer. This wasn’t a matter of getting Valentine back for Miguel. He failed at that, this was about stopping her. Peter came in the room with the laptop and a worried look on his face.

“you should look at this.” He says handing him the laptop. It was an article about MERCY, Miguel read it over. MERCY was a type altering perspective drug or APD. These kinds of drugs are legal for recreational and medical use and are commonly available in this universe. But some kinds are harder to get your hands on. Depending on what kind you took for it would change your point of view. MERCY specifically was used in this universe's Military to help soldiers and veterans move past killing someone and to continue killing, it was unclear if the drug would convince someone who was unwilling to kill to do so, or just prevented the trauma that came with it.

“Dios Mio…If she’s using this…what kind of damage has she done?” Miguel wonders aloud

“I wish I could tell you, nothing like APD’s exists in any other universe we’ve discovered. We are going into completely unknown territory here.” Peter explains carefully, his eyes drifting to the diary in Miguel’s hands. “Mig…How are we going to get her back?”

“I don’t know if we can.” Miguel looks down at the diary again flipping back to the last Polaroid She ever took with her Miguel, they were at central park. It was winter, both of them wearing leather jackets with spikes and embellishments. Valentines raven hair pulled back under a beanie, a hoop in her nose piercing, she always wore a stud now, and a wide smile on her face, one he’d never seen before. This Miguel looked almost just like him, slightly slimmer, an eye brow and lip piercings, a hat pulled over his mussed up hair, he’s resting his head on top of hers, glimmering brown eyes, a smile that seemed most foreign to him on an identical face. He sighs. “But we’ll have to try.”

Masterlist

tag: @femmeanonymelives

#miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #atsv #miguel spiderverse #astv miguel #miguel spiderman #angst #Spotify #miguel x spidersona #Scarlette Web #Valentine Foxx #spiderverse fanfic

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plantcrazy · 7 months

Text

Update 26/10/23

In case you're wondering how progress is going on stuff, it's looking a little like this;

Lots of paper. Lots of ideas.

It's the writing summit this week (today is the last day) and as always, the talks inspire new ideas and I learn new ways to better write or do things, which leads to... redoing some stuff ^^;

I also found this fantastic writer called Abbie Emmons who's got some fantastic free writing resources and her videos explaining stuff are some of the best I've seen. Highly recommended checking her out.

Anyway,

Ch. 8 & 9 are done, I just... I'm not 100% on them.

Ch.8.

I feel like my voice for writing Henry is still quite weak, but I have a funny feeling it's one of those things which is only going to get better with writing more chapters in his POV. That's how it was for writing Reginald, Carol & Macbeth. The more I wrote, the easier to hear & more defined their voices became.

So I'm thinking, for the sake of not holding up the story, I'll swing back to this one in 6 months and see if I still feel it can be improved upon.

The other option, I'm thinking, is this chapter might benefit from a beta reader (as you know I normally do this myself). I dunno, I just... I don't feel like I'm quite placing my finger on what the issue is.

So, if anyone would like to beta read this chapter and let me know their thoughts on how it reads are, I'd sincerely appreciate that.

Ch.9

There's nothing wrong with this one. It reads perfect, POV voice is solid.

I'm not sure on the amount of info being given. It's a CCC heavy chapter, and I'm just... a little concerned I could be coming in too early with this information. I've already made the edits so the chapter would read with or without the heavy stuff, I'm just... on the fence about keeping it in or not.

It's a minor thing, and all those papers above, that's me trying to figure out further down the timeline to see if there's a more appropriate place to put in.

Ch.10

Still gotta do that editing in the middle, had an idea to slightly change the ending, which might take me a few extra days to do.

Covers

I haven't had much time this week with the writers summit, chaos irl stuff and my shoulder/wrist has been playing up (because clearly they felt left out >> )

I'm on the hedge about uploading chapters without their cover art, and I also don't want to keep delaying chapters, so I think my plan is to see how I do for time this week & next, then decide on what I'll do about those.

#thsc #lost children of the ccc #the henry stickmin collection #update #lost children

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spoonyglitteraunt · 10 months

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This is a vent post. Because no-one I usually go to with this stuff is currently awake. So not tagging it and will likely delete it come later today. But I need to put this somewhere lest it builds up more. So you all get to ride this emo train with me.

Just. If medical anxiety, cancer scare, fears around parental death and existential dread for the future are things you can't deal with right now feel free to skip. I don't blame you. I wish I could skip this.

I'm scared. Plain and simple. I'm scared.

My dad has been having episodes of peeing blood and he's finally getting it checked out. Last week he had a scan and they found something. They just don't know what since those scans don't do well with empty organs. They just have a rough size estimate of somewhere between 3 to 9mm. So in a few hours he has an exam to stick a camera up there and go see what's up.

And I'm scared.

I'd been oddly, surprisingly, uncharacteristically chill about it all week. Really not my usual. I was all, no need to stress, chances are it's just a polyp and even if it's not it's not big right? (No I have no concept of what are usual sizes of the T word are and looking it up now would be an extremely bad, no good, terrible idea.) But where I was chill all week, I'm not so much now. As in not at all actually.

It wasn't bad throughout the day, but once night fell it got progressively worse by the hour. While playing a game to distract myself it was still manageable, but once in the dark, trying to sleep, and nothing to focus on. Yeah chill is so far removed from what I am now that it's in another universe entirely. So far it's 7am and no sleep was had. Don't know if I'll get any. I should, because if it's bad news I also won't get any sleep after. But mind is not having it. And the aforementioned no one to talk to doesn't help.

All the fears, all the existential dread. All the everything. Because pitiable as it sounds with how my life has gone he's my rock. My emotional support. He is the one semi functioning cog in this broken down household of a health issues collectathon. And well, my parents are all I have.

It feels like we were finally starting on making some preparation for the future. Starting being the operative word there. As I'm the greyest of grey zones no one knows how to help other than passing the buck. And now I fear it will become a trial by fire as so much of my life has already been. And I'm still as fire proof as dry straw.

Where a few days ago I almost felt like it would be ok. That we'd sort things out, and make plans, and I'd learn. Learn to somehow take care of myself despite everything. Somehow. Figure it all out by the time I'd need it. Somehow. Now I'm right back to feeling small. Small and helpless. And I hate it.

I can't help wondering if I was fooling myself. That I'm just destined to end up bounced around from hospital to hospital to a retirement home, because there are just are no accomodations for people like me. The fact I've once spent five weeks in a hospital room with someone like that. Someone like me, who'd been forced to live exist like that and was pretty much left to waste away. Forever told no one knew what to do with her and she neither belonged nor had a place anywhere. Someone who... well who knows if she's even still alive today. It does not help these fears.

So yeah having a bit of an anxiety meltdown and I can't even go to my parents, which is usually the hack to wrangle the panic demons under control, because they have their own fears without me adding to it. It's just so much.

And I'm scared.

I know all the sayings. All the wisdom. About how worrying about something is putting yourself through it twice. And how stress isn't bad it's just a way for your body to deal with challenges. How you need to stay away from what ifs and only deal with stuff you know. All the grounding and breathing exercises. All the stay in the now stuff. All the advice. But guess how many of those are working right now when I'm posting this ramble online.

You know. Sometimes I envy those of you who believe in a god or a sentient universe or whatever. Because it would be really nice right now to think there was something out there I could appeal to to give us more time. Something I could tell, well listen, buddy. Whoever might be up, or down, or triple sideways loop the loop style out there somewhere. I'm not saying we won't still have to have a talk when I arrive wherever, but if you make sure it isn't bad news, idk. Just keep a receipt or something, and I will probably go from very pissed, to strongly worded letter, maybe even begrudging acceptance, when we do get round to that talk.

It would be nice.

But I don't.

So you all got this vent instead.

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eli-writes-sometimes · 1 year

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Eli Writes Sometimes - Updated Intro/Masterpost

Last updated - 23/1/24

UPDATE - I'm on a bit of a writing hiatus, I've been exhausted recently and not had much motivation, so I haven't been writing as much. This blog is now mainly reblogs, but I am hoping to get back into original writing soon when I'm less tired all the time. Thanks for understanding :)

(normal intro below)

Hi! I'm Eli! I write sometimes (as the name would suggest)! I'm trying to be more active here on writblr, so I'm redoing my intro so it's more up to date with what I'm writing now.

About me

My name is Elias, but I go by Eli most of the time

My pronouns are it/he (interchangeable, but please don't just use he/him)

I'm a minor, so please be respectful of that

When not writing, I play the flute and the piccolo

This is the picrew I made my icon with

@ev-enhotterthanyou is the best no 1 fan I could ask for <3

Where to find me

I have a shitpost/fandom blog at @eli-is-an-idiot

Currently planning to upload my stories online somewhere, working on that at the moment, check back soon for an update!

About this blog

As you might have guessed, this is a writblr!

I'm aiming to read and reblog other's writing, as well as posting more of my own original writing

I primarily write fantasy, with a focus on queer characters, found family and magic, as well as stories based on my own experiences

WIPs under the cut

I have a lot of old ideas and rambles about stories on here, so if you see something from a few months ago and don't see it here, I've either given up on it or just not had any ideas for it recently and it felt wrong having it in my intro

Ok with:

Being tagged in tag games - I love these, and I want to try and interact with other people in this community more, so if you want to tag me in anything, please do!

On a similar note, feel free to send me asks or DMs about your WIPs or OCs, or just anything you want to talk about, I'm always happy to listen!

On the other hand, if you want to ask questions about my WIPs, I'd love that :)

Not ok with:

Any kind of hate speech or prejudice

TERFS, transphobes, homophobes, ableists, racists or anyone that doesn't respect other people's existence - unkindly fuck off

Bullying

Entirely NSFW or 18+ blogs (I'm a minor)

Wips and navigation under the cut:

Tags:

There is quite a noticeable pattern in my tags, if you couldn't tell

General writing things - #eli writes sometimes

Things that don't include my writing (including games) - #eli doesnt write sometimes

Tag games - #eli tags sometimes

Ask games - #eli answers sometimes

Art - #eli arts sometimes

Reading- #eli reads sometimes

Each WIP has its own specific tag

WIPs:

I have a lot of old, dead or on-hiatus WIPs, so if you see anything about God of Chaos, Face the Music, For All In-Tents and Purposes or Jason King's Guide to the Supernatural, then those are all old stories of mine that I do want to go back to someday, but these are my main ones:

The Princess, the Pauper, and the Pirate

My main WIP, currently working on it the most and doing a nanowrimo-like challenge where I try to write 50000 words in three months rather than one

Three strangers. Three stories. When Kai, Vera, and Rune’s paths cross in the middle of the forest, the three of them share stories and swear to help each other, come what may, as allies in a world out to get them. Together, they face everything from pirates to cruel parents, and work to try and take down the system that stacked the cards against them from the start. Will they succeed, or will they be crushed like everyone else?

Intro post HERE

Genre - High fantasy

Status - First draft

Specific WIP tag - #wip ppp

Face the Music

My NaNo WIP, I hit 50K and then immediately started working on something else, so there will be stuff about it, but not as much as PPP

When Miles Baldwin, a quiet kid who keeps to himself, is sent to a three-week long music camp, it sounds like a death sentence. But as he meets new friends, including trans boy Finn who is loud and proud about his identity, he starts to come around, even beginning to question his own gender. Irritatingly, not everyone is as open to change as Miles and his friends, and as the music swells and tension builds before the final concert, can Miles come to terms with his identity without falling victim to the bigoted nature of his fellow players?

intro post HERE

Status - First draft

Specific WIP tag - #face the music (I also used #eli does nano 2023 for other nano stuff)

Superlosers

Four roommates, each with a unique power, each with their own set of wildly different personalities. They barely know each other, the rent is due, and an egomaniacal villain is threatening to destroy everything they hold dear - and only they seem to care or want to do anything about it. For the sake of the world, let's hope they can get their priorities straight.

Intro post HERE

Genre - Urban fantasy

Specific WIP tag - #superlosers

The Remnants of Shadows

When beloved Alya Maxwell, renowned pillar of the small community of Blackburn, disappears with only shadows swarming around her house to give any idea of her fate, no one really seems to care, giving up on her as a lost cause. But two teenagers, both from totally different background and both with their separate reasons for trusting her, don’t accept this, and they begin to dig into what really happened. But when old, buried secrets begin to emerge, how far will any of them go for the truth?

Intro post HERE

Genre - Fantasy

Status - First draft/having a crisis over the plot

Specific WIP tag - #wip tros

That's all for now, thanks for bothering to read this far :)

#eli doesnt write sometimes #intro #writblr intro #writing community #new pinned post lets go

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malissawithan-a · 1 year

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We're in the middle of another cold and I am so over this. I know it's totally normal and all with having kids in school now but man, this sucks. We had the girls' annual check ups about 3 weeks ago and the doctor mentioned that Lucy still had a little bit of fluid in one ear from the cold she was getting over then. Kind of worried how her ear is now that she's in the middle of another cold, I'll make an apt in a week to check them.

My in laws took the kids for the afternoon yesterday and it was amazing to have what felt like a weekend was pre-kid for a few hours. We don't like asking them to watch them very often because they watch my niece and nephew a lot and drop Alice off at school a couple days a week to help us out with the driving, so it was nice for them to volunteer to take them for a while.

I've been on the fence for a while about getting Lucy into some speech therapy. Her doctor and preschool teachers haven't been too worried and she's made lots of progress even since starting preschool last fall. It's not vocabulary that's the issue, it's the letter sounds. A lot of things she says sound mushed together and need translating, but the percentage of what I need to translate is much lower than this time last year so I may hold off for now. That being said, our school district does a free evaluation and it wouldn't hurt to do.

We've had some issues with Alice lately. Just normal, naughty little kid behavior but freaking annoying. I found a bunch of candy wrappers hidden in her room which showed that she's been sneaking stuff when we've told her no more, for a bit we were using taking sweets away as a punishment and that has since changed, hoping that ends the sneaking. We had several discussions about it, I think she understands now. The other issue is that she's cut a couple pieces of hair, both here at home and at school. So there's was a very firm, but gentle, conversation about how that cannot happen again and if she wants a haircut then we will have her aunt who is a hair stylist do it because she knows what she's doing. I know that playing with scissors is very normal and I know quite a few girls growing up who gave themselves terrible haircuts, trying to avoid having to go super short to fix whatever she does. The attitude and defiance from her lately has been intense, there's been a lot of days where they just end in frustration.

Overall, we're good and never all healthy at the same time. In a normal routine of school and being trapped inside by bad winter weather. So ready for any temps above 50.

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batboyblog · 1 year

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Hi! I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the anon from a couple weeks ago who just found out their grandma was jewish. I didn't know at first if I should get you a follow up, but your attention and kindness are still so dear to me, I decided it wouldn't hurt, at least (plus you called me friend, which is a win in my book)

So, I didn't talk to my grandma at first - my mother and aunts did. It was a very charged conversation, everyone was sore after a few days, but afterwards Grandma called everyone in the family to talk. She told us the broad strokes of the story, which was also very intense. She said she won't expect any of us to take this stuff to heart and start being Jewish, as she put it, but that she was happy with what we could share. She's kind like that. I know she's scared, I don't think she could not be, but she's been patient. I've taken opportunities to talk to her in small increments about it. I am really very open about learning about it, if not from a religious standpoint at the very least from a cultural one. She shared her secret for babka with me, as I asked her to. I learned it was her father's mother who taught her sister when he was young. It feels surreal to know this, a lifetime and an ocean away. But I'm happy she got to share this. I'm not the greatest baker, but I'm excited to try and bake it.

It's about to be Purim, right? A couple days away? My aunt is thinking of suggesting grandma that we celebrate it. I don't think we'd know what to do much, since grandma hasn't celebrated it in like, 80 years, but maybe she'd like that. Or maybe it's too soon. We'll see!

Anyways, I just thought I'd let you know. It may not have been much to you, but your words have really mattered to me. Thank you!

(also to whoever linked the song 'we are a miracle' in the notes of one of my asks, thanks for the song. I cried listening to it! I'm still very hesitant to say I'm Jewish, since I'm so removed, but to have even 1/1000th of connection to this history is honestly an honor.)

first off, of course I remember! its one of the more interesting things I've heard through this blog!

I'm glad you reached out I've been wondering ever since our last back and forth.

I'm also very glad you've been able to talk to your grandma and get a little family history and baking

yes Purim is coming up, it starts on the 6th, Jewish days start at sun down so a Jewish day would be night fall the 6th to nightfall the 7th, with the 7th being Purim (or the 14th of Adar in the Jewish calendar) you should totally ask her

IDK what Jewish community life is like where you live, if you live somewhere with LOTS of Jewish life or not. But I was thinking about after our last talk you should ask your grandma if she'd like to speak to a Rabbi, clearly these things do still mean something to her. I don't really know again how much Jewish life there is around you as far as options, and I also don't really know what your grandma would be comfortable with. Any ways she might find it comforting and easier to have one on one chats with a Rabbi rather than trying to dive into finding holiday services to go to.

one thing you might do for Purim, is the traditional cookie of the holiday, hamantash I mean who doesn't like a plate of cookies?

any ways if you live somewhere without a lot of Jewish resources, feel free to message me and we can brain storm ways to connect your grandma with resources. And feel free to message me any ways

also, this is a hard conversation, but you know, this is the end of her life, and while at the time I found it very hard to have the conversation with both my grandparents during their lives, after they passed a few years ago I found knowing what they wanted done as far as the funeral and stuff very comforting I felt very much like I was helping them. Sorry I know it's a very hard thing to talk about but... before it's too late your family should ask, does she want a rabbi? a Jewish funeral? a Star on her grave stone? her Hebrew name?

I wish you, and your family the best of luck (and happiness) with all this and to repeat my ask box and messages are always open for all questions, thoughts, updates etc

#Jewish #Judaism #Jumblr #asked #answered

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