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chirpsythismorning · 8 months

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Mike's character regression can be explained in large part by one emotion in particular: guilt

Just want to preface this by saying that, this is not Mike slander. I love this dude. In fact, I think what makes Mike such an interesting character is that a lot of his behavior throughout the series can be explained in part by previous moments, and after really looking at all these moments together, what you end up with is a pretty fucked up story.

So while some might want to take this as Mike slander, these points I'm making are a part of Mike and things he has done and said and whether they were intentionally harmful or not, it's Mike. It's all shaped him and his role in the story. The fact that we're seeing a visible shift in his behavior at all, with plenty of moments from the show to back up what brought us here, makes it compelling enough to talk about.

So, without further ado, back to our roots:

Ah yes, the infamous canon proof disputing Mike's I think my life started that day we found you in the woods, claim during his monologue. Not only that, but in this original scene from 1x02, it turns out Mike actually intended to send her away the next day (all of which El could hear Mike saying from the open bathroom door).

Mike outright calling El a weapon, again telling the others they need her because they stand no chance at getting Will back otherwise.

I wont elaborate on this now, because there is way too much to unpack that'll honestly be more worthwhile discussing further on.

For now, this is a secret tool that will help us later.

These next couple scenes right here though, are pretty painful if I'm being completely honest. The way its shot, specifically El's very visible exhaustion, accompanied by the varying priorities of others around her, leaves me feeling pretty unsettled upon rewatches.

I obviously can't remember how I felt when I watched these scenes for the first time, but I imagine I viewed them as this huge romantic moment for Mike and El (I was tricked by heteronormativity, okay?). But, again, upon rewatching them since then, I've realized I get this sort of sad feeling by the end. You'll see what I mean.

El obviously just went through something extremely traumatic. She tried to go find Will and Barb in the void, only to find Barb dead and Will presumably alive, but then slipping through her fingers at the last second (no, literally).

We then got a moment where Joyce held El while the others sat by quietly because she clearly needed a moment of comfort given what she just endured.

Then in this scene shortly after, everyone is leaving to get ready for their final attempt at saving Will.

Now, notice how not only Lucas, but also Dustin make the effort to reach out to El to comfort her affectionately after that traumatic event, with those twos' actions specifically being showcased in sequence?

Lucas, who spent the better part of the season being critical of El, is now ending the season rubbing El's shoulder to warm her up, literally soothing her to make her feel better.

Then there's Dustin, who right after Lucas' gesture makes a gesture of his own, putting his hand on her knee reassuringly, to show her he's there and he's happy she's okay.

And lastly there's Mike, who is so kindly allowing El to rest her head on his shoulder. This placement of Mike and El here is definitely a testament to the fact that Mike has vouched for El this whole time in contrast to the others and so, understandably, she put her head on his shoulder for reassurance, because out of the three of them, he's the one whose been looking out for her the most. (Right?)

Now you might be thinking that this sequence's only purpose was to show Lucas and Dustin's development with El, and that it wasn't intentional that they focused on Lucas and Dustins' priorities in this moment in contrast to Mikes'. And I raise you, this next scene.

Here we have a focus on Mike looking on to where everyone left, while the others beside him are presumably just processing what went down and taking a rest (and boy oh boy do they (El) need one).

Mike on the other-hand decides to take this moment of rest to display the most cliche and universal forms of distracted unrest known to man: he checks his watch.

Mike then stands up abruptly, causing El to fall without his shoulder there for her to rest on anymore, all while her and Dustin are looking on after him, sort of like... Okay?

It's small. It might seem insignificant. But if you actually pay attention to what this scene is trying to make you feel, after really looking at it for what it is, it's kind of sad.

In a moment that chooses to highlight the other boys' acknowledgment of El after what just happened, and not only that, but at the tale end of their final battle of the season, Mike is... distracted?

Mike, who has been presumably looking out for El more than the others in the party this whole time, is conveniently out of commission? And right now when El is looking for his reassurance the most? Mike doesn't even have a moment to say, 'Hey I'll be right back, I just want to check something. Can one of you?--', asking Lucas or Dustin to sit next to her in his place. No. Dude just stands up without even acknowledging her.

If it was any other moment in the show, under less post-traumatic circumstances for El, then I wouldn't even think much of it. But it's at this point in the story when El is essentially at her most exhausted and quite literally seeking out support from others, specifically Mike, that makes his distractedness so eery.

Again, you might still be thinking that this isn't that deep. However, I think based on the events leading up to this, and what follows right here, could quite literally hold the answer to the guilt Mike is still keeping to himself to this day.

So... How are we feeling?

Are we feeling like Mike None of you are thinking about El's wellbeing right now! She could get brain damage from using her powers too much! She's not a weapon!* Wheeler is a little bit of a hypocrite? (I told you that tool would come in handy!)

It's actually quite terrifying how similar this scene is framed to the scene in Hopper's cabin in s3, where Mike pretty much says the exact opposite. In s1 Mike goes from being one of the first people to refer to El as a weapon within the context of them using her powers to find Will, with him being completely un-attuned to the fact that she is exhausted in this moment while the others are saying El's rest and safety is the most important, to then in s3 completely flipping script and saying El was using her powers for nothing, blaming the others for treating her like a weapon and not taking her wellbeing into consideration.

It would be one thing if Mike had a little arc where he acknowledged this script flip. Because that's what it is. It is them having Mike use a word in s1 to describe El, that being weapon, only to say the others are treating her like that with that same word being used. It is them having Mike not agknowledge El's well being after overusing her powers, only to say the others aren't taking her wellbeing into consideration for overusing her powers.

And it would be one thing if Mike had spoke to El or literally anyone about how he felt like he wronged El for planning on sending her away the next day after they found her so that they could go back to looking for Will, or how he said she was a weapon that they needed in order to find Will, essentially being no better than the people she just escaped from, who also used her for her powers. But we don't get that (actually we do.. but it's not acknowledged for what it is aka survivor's guilt. It's instead seen as romantic... another tool for later...)

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think any of Mike's behavior takes away from what Mike did do for El, because yes he was kind and accepting when the others weren't. But even despite all of that, at the end of the day, he was often at the forefront of expecting El to risk her life for them, even if he wasn't outright asking that of her.

Before you freak out, No. I don't think Mike, a literal child, was capable of fathoming that El was going into these situations risking her life. She's a superhero. El's alternative was literally going back to the lab, running, or staying with Mike. This was her safest option.

After a bunch of rewatches and putting together a lot of these moments as a whole, I've come to a point where I believe that Mike's behavior throughout s1 was him thinking that because of who El was, she's already in danger at all times. That is a constant reality for her. And so why not have her help them find Will, because she is able to, all while he can also help her. And El clearly wanted to help them, because she wanted to help good people and finally do something meaningful with her powers for a change. Unfortunately, she also had to endure PTSD flashbacks almost every single time Mike and the boys had her use her powers to help find Will.

Speaking of Will, he is currently missing and possibly dead. Will also, in contrast to El (for now...), does not have any sort of superpowers.

Mike's concern over the threat of Will's livelihood is much greater than Mike's acknowledgement to the true risks El is exposing herself to each time she uses her powers to help them. That is s1 canon.

Is there times when Mike is focused on El and her well being. Absolutely! But is there also times when Mike is not showing any display of concern to El's well being in the moment, in complete contrast to the other characters around him... Also yes.

And so the events happening the way they did, with Mike himself not fully comprehending the severity of what's been going on during these high stake situations going on around him, makes sense.

And that's what makes it all the more sad that when Mike finally does realize what he's truly been asking of El this whole time, which is to risk her life for them, it's too late.

This whole scene is obviously very emotional. All of the boys are crying, but the focus on Mike calling out for El painfully is heartbreaking.

But what's even more sad to me, is that El has been sort of used to mistreatment her whole life. She's used to having to find any comfort she could get from people in her life, all the while they were using her for her powers. I mean even despite Brenner being who he was and doing what he did, she still showed these signs of wanting to love him despite it. Which is very very fucked up. But knowing what she's gone through, makes sense.

Mike on the other-hand does greatly contrast Brenner because he was one of the first people to actually treat her with genuine kindness right from the start (before he even knew she had powers), making it a lot easier for her to care for him even despite that pesky trait of using her for her powers being almost synonymous with Brenner's very similar trait.

So when she looks back at Mike, and points him out specifically before sacrificing herself, it feels like a few things at once.

It feels like her acknowledging the fact that she appreciated him specifically for taking her in and supporting her more genuinely than anyone has in her entire life.

And yet it also feels like her, either intentionally or unintentionally, acknowledging the unfortunate side affect caused by days of Mike leading the efforts to find Will, with the expectation of her to do things to achieve that, which could have all lead to her demise technically. And so now when it all comes down to it and the stakes are at their highest yet, same as the risk, she's got to a point where she believes there is no other choice but to do just that, risk her life, especially if it means saving them.

While this is happening, Mike is backtracking in real time. He is trying to get El to stop and it's because he doesn't want her to die. Obviously.

But that's the fucked up part isn't it? When he finally realized what he's been asking of her this whole time, it's too late.

Which takes us to S2 Mike Wheeler, known by many for being a boy whose been calling his true love everyday for almost a year now because he's just so in love, but is actually in fact a boy suffering the most intense form of survivors guilt, one that involves a person who genuinely feels responsible for the persons death...

But that will probably take at least another 2,000 words so I'm thinking maybe I better split this into multiple parts.

I will tease that the next part involves one specific detail in particular that I never see anyone talk about, a detail that I think, in combination with what's discussed in this post, is so important to understanding Mike's breakdown for what it truly was at the end of season 2. I will also probably do more posts beyond that for s3-4, to delve into the impacts these moments from the first two seasons have basically put in place a perfect recipe for what is currently going down.

So feel free to stay tuned for those nonsense updates.

Continued

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tqmies · 1 year

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Description. Now armed with a new support system, you're ready for anything that'll be thrown at you. That is, until your world starts to shift out of order. And unfortunately, Taehyun is taking this way harder than you.

Pairings. Kang Taehyun x Female Reader

Genre. Angst, Fluff Kinda, Comfort. (This is a self ranting again lol.)

Warnings. Pregnancy (Not MC), Everyone's an emotional wreck, Taehyun's pushing everyone away, MC is confused half the time.

Word count. 6.7K (Why do I keep doing this?!)

Note. This is Part 2 of Free Somebody. I don't recommend reading this a stand alone, as you'll be very confused. Also this is once again based on real events, and I tried to convey my thought process as best as I could but.. LMAO. Some things end up unresolved but that is real life so, bear with me and enjoy.

IN THE FEW MONTHS YOU SPENT TOGETHER, YOU FIGURED OUT KANG TAEHYUN WAS HARD TO READ. Not that you held it against him or anything, but he kept you at a sizable distance and rarely shared his emotions with you.

It felt kind of embarrassing at first, seeing as you opened yourself to him so early on. Sure, it wasn't on purpose but it still happened.

So for him to call for you in such a frantic mood, said a lot about the his state of thinking right now, and you didn't know what to make of it.

Meanwhile, Taehyun felt like his world spinning out of control. All of this was happening, too much too fast.

You stood by his door, him having called you a couple minutes prior. He was scared, and he didn't want to be alone right now. Sure, the two of you weren't suddenly the best of friends. But right now, he just needed a set of ears to listen, and you were fine to oblige.

One of the perks of not being super close was that you wouldn't judge him for his reactions. You didn't expect him to hold it together or be something he's not. No, you caught the rawest sides of him, as he had seen yours. He had tried his best to keep you at arms-length when concerning his emotions, but right now was different. You knew when he pushed his pride aside to pick up the phone and call you, that this was a big deal. Though, didn't that just mean you were closer than you thought?

"I feel sick." Taehyun mutters, motioning for you to enter his room.

"What's wrong?" You question, noting the silence in the apartment. "And where are your roommates?"

His face goes pale at that. They were the last thing he wanted to talk about right now, or for lack of better words, one of them.

"I don't know what to do." Taehyun says, not looking up. His minds fleshing out a million thoughts and solutions, all written neatly side by side. Something of a white board in a science class, formulas drawn all across the expanse, but instead of equations it was just his bleeding problems.

"About what?" You say, growing anxious at the lack of explanation. He was clearly bothered by something, but his resistance in remaining secret was off putting.

"I'm supposed to be the rational one, the problem solver, but I have no idea what to do." He sighs, staring down at his hands.

"That's normal." You respond, moving to sit on the chair by his desk. Trying to collect your thoughts on what would be best to say next, though first you'd like to know what's shaken him up like this.

"Sakura's pregnant." He blurts out, your head whipping around to meet his. He almost flinches back as he said it, not expecting to be so transparent with you. Taehyun also knew it was none of his business to share, but he couldn't help it. It was like you had suddenly turned into a magnet that pried all this information out of him.

He felt his resolve slipping away and he hated it. For once he felt like he couldn't tighten his grip on his emotions.

"What?!" You whisper-yell, dumbstruck. "How do you-"

"I saw the test in the trash." Taehyun reveals. "Beomgyu's the father."

You run your hands through your hair. "This can't be happening." Taehyun had just dropped a huge bomb on you and was talking like he was discussing his lunch plans. One would think, how is he so collected? But you knew better, by the slight shake of his hands and his drawn out breathes, he was scared.

"Are you sure its her's?" You ask, maybe this was a misunderstanding.

"Soobin hasn't been with a girl in months. And he'd never be stupid enough to trash a positive test. Plus Beomgyu's straight in love with Sakura, it's not possible to think he would cheat." Taehyun says, recalling how he saw the stick sitting upright in the bin.

The words entering your head as you think. There could be another explanation right? Taehyun wasn't even fully sure, how could he be reacting like this?

"This is my fault. I led her straight to him. I never thought they'd be so reckless." He confessed, the words coming straight from his heart.

"Are you serious? They're adults Taehyun! This was their responsibility ok?" You speak, still a bit shaken by the news.

Your best friend was pregnant? How far along was she? When did she find out? What was she going to do now?

"But she's not ready for a baby, much less with Beomgyu."

This was truly a terrifying situation.

"Do you think she has a plan?" You ask, chewing your nail.

"I doubt she has one. Probably hasn't thought it through that far."

"We're not even sure that's what's going on." You attempt, trying to clear his thoughts.

Though you found it kind of hard to understand Taehyuns worry, it was a baby. This was not the end of the world, it wasn't even happening to him. Sure, things would change. But change is good, right?

Though, you'e determined to be there for him. So you try to comfort him the best way you know how. By distracting him.

You clap your hands together. "Okay, why don't we do something?"

"What?" He groans, not believing you had just said that.

"Lets watch a movie, something to take your mind off of things."

"I don't need to take my mind off of things." Taehyun maintains. "I need to figure out a solution."

"So then you called me for no reason? 'Cause we don't know shit right now, Kang." You fire back, not fond of his attitude. Though you were unsatisfied with your suggestion as well, what other choice did you have? He needed to calm down before he blew up at Beomgyu, or worse, Sakura.

He knew why he had called you, not for you to just pop up with a solution. He called you cause you're the only one who can ever manage to get him to stop overthinking so damn much.

"Pick whatever you want." He gives in, patting the seat next to him on his bed before handing you the remote to his TV.

You smile at his compliance and grab the object before flipping the screen on. "It's okay to be worried, I'm scared shitless too. But let's relax for a minute."

He lays back on his bed as he pulls the covers over the two of you, "What? I'm cold."

You just giggle as you press play on a movie, the previous qualms forgotten in favor of the crappy Netflix Original you had picked.

...

You stir awake as you begin to hear hushed voices. Oh, had you fallen asleep? Obviously, by the lack of light shining through Taehyun's window, you two had indeed knocked out. He still lays beside you comfortably, head resting on his arm as he remains napping. The end credits of the subpar movie you had put on rolled, indicating you two slept for around two hours.

You lean up and rub your eyes, throwing the blanket off of you. You really had to pee, which must've been the reason for your sudden awakening. Or maybe it was the small whispers that crept in from the living room, you didn't know. Were his roommates back? Was Beomgyu here?

Quietly, you patter over and open the door slightly. Making a beeline for the restroom, you sigh as you finally get to empty your bladder. After washing your hands, you attempt to silently make your way back to Taehyun's room, hoping to avoid confrontation with whoever was home. Sure it's not like anything happened, but it'd be awkward to explain why you were cuddled up with Taehyun in said boy's room.

Unfortunately, you don't get so lucky this time.

You hear the question of your name as you turn around. Beomgyu standing in the hall to see you, Sakura right behind him. Her face lights up as she see's you. "Hey! What're you doing here?"

Though you fear her tone is a bit too loud, and are scared of the two possibly waking Taehyun. He wouldn't exactly be thrilled to see the two of them anyways, so you figure you're doing them a favor as well.

"Taehyun's asleep." You whisper quietly, gesturing for them to lower their voices.

"Asleep?" Beomgyu blinks. "You were with him in his room?"

You just nod your head slightly. "We fell asleep while watching a movie."

"Yeah right." The male snorts as Sakura elbows him. She gives him wide eyes before telling him to knock it off.

"Well I'm glad you're here. I need to talk to you both." She says, a huge smile on her face.

"Me?" You feign, pretending like you didn't have a clue. You can practically feel your face draining of color. So it was definitely hers.

"I was going to text you earlier, but I wanted to wait till we saw each other in person! But this is perfect!" She squeals, "I'll go wake Taehyun."

"I'll do it." You stop her, before catching yourself. "He's kind of grumpy today."

"Oh okay!" She says, not giving it another passing thought as you walk into Taehyun's room.

To your surprise, his eyes flutter open as you open the door. "Where did you go?" He grumbles, still somewhat asleep.

"Bathroom." You brush off. "But you need to get up."

"No."

"Sakura and Beomgyu are here."

And he shoots up, all signs of tiredness gone from his face. "What do they want?"

"I think she's going to announce her pregnancy." You say, eyes darting around. "She said she wanted to talk to us."

"Tell them I'm not in the mood."

"Taehyun." You reason. "She's your sister, and he's your best friend. Can't you at least pretend to be happy?"

He sits up as he slides off the bed, mumbling an annoyed "Fine." As he slips his shoes on. Clearly unready to look the two in the face.

He opens the door as Taehyun dons a bored expression on his face. Beomgyu doesn't miss a beat. "What took so long? Was she helping you pull up your pants?"

Taehyun doesn't respond, instead choosing to look over at his sister. "What's up?"

She smiles for the millionth time as she looks at Beomgyu. He grabs her hands in his, giving her reassurance. "I'm pregnant."

Taehyun just looks back at you. "I know."

Well that was anticlimactic.

"What?!" Sakura exclaims, taken aback.

"Genius here left your test out in the open." Taehyun says, pointing his head towards Beomgyu.

Sakura death glares her boyfriend before looking back at Taehyun. "You don't have anything to say?"

"What do you want to hear Sakura?" Taehyun begins, his attitude about to slip through.

"Congratulations!" You squeal, interrupting the tense atmosphere. "I'm so excited! How are you feeling?" Someone had to be the bright one around here. You know the pair was expecting some kind of celebration.

"I'm going to be a mom!" Sakura gushes, holding onto Beomgyu's shoulder. The fake smile remained plastered on your face, did she know what was coming? Had this been on purpose?

"Wow , a mom with an over demanding desk job, and a dad who acts like a child himself. Your baby will be a real kicker!" Taehyun remarks sarcastically. The grin is wiped off your face as you pull back on his arm.

Shaking your head, you notice the two in front of you stayed silent.

"Aren't you happy for us?" Beomgyu questions, caught off guard.

"Happy?" Taehyun says, looking between them. "Happy that you ruined your lives?"

The silence speaks for itself. Your heart growing heavy as you watch the upset look on the couples face.

"Okay," You interject, eyes looking from their dejected ones. "Taehyun and I are going to get some food before he can say anything else he'll end up regretting."

Sakura just nods as you grab onto Taehyun, angrily dragging him out the door as he mutters something about the situation. How could he be such a rainy cloud on their obviously sunny moment?

You could talk out other things later, but right now you were just focused on helping him get his coat on. Giving him harsh looks as you can't believe he really said that to them.

"That was insensitive." You speak as you close the door behind you two. Walking out of the apartment complex with a frown.

"What's insensitive is them thinking they can provide a suitable lifestyle for the baby." He says with his head hung low.

"That's not our business to worry about." You respond, shrugging. "We just have to be there for them anyway we can."

He just scoffs. "Easy for you to say. You don't have to be 'Uncle Taehyun' all of a sudden."

"You'll be a decent uncle." You tease.

"Does this mean Beomgyu will be my brother-in-law soon?" Taehyun's jaw drops.

"Woah, who said they were getting married?"

"No one." He shrugs. "But the two are so in love that it'll probably happen."

"See, they love each other." You point out, opening the door to the restaurant the two of you frequented. "They'll make it work."

"Love doesn't pay the bills." He replies as you two enter.

"No." You agree. "But it helps."

"You're so naive."

"Maybe." You say, dropping the topic as you two sit down to eat. "Oh, but before I forget.."

"Yes?"

"You have to apologize."

"For what?!" Taehyun speaks. "For telling the truth?"

"It wasn't your place!" You say back, careful to mind the volume of your voice. "You really hurt their feelings."

And he rolls his eyes before muttering a small fine as he looks over his menu. He was convinced you were the only person in the world who could get him to see the fault in himself sometimes. It was a weird trait, but he couldn't say it was bad. You kept him grounded a lot and he appreciated it. He hoped he had made as much of a difference in your life as you did his.

Standing in the grocery aisle, you looked over the several different types of jams and jelly's on the shelf. Which one would Taehyun like anyways? I mean, you were only really buying it for him. He was the one who came over and complained (About three different times) about your lack of ingredients for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Goodness, he took a lot out of you, but it was worth it if it meant cheering him up. You knew something this small could make his mood a little better. And right now, anything would help.

You pull out your phone, contemplating calling him when you hear the sound of your name called out. You lower your phone and turn around quickly, met with a face you hadn't seen in months.

"Yeonjun." You squeak out in surprise. Your eyes drift to where he has about four liquor bottles in his hands, eyebrows raising.

"Oh, these?" He says, noticing your eyes. "Old habits die hard, I guess."

You offer a meek smile. "Big party coming up?"

"No." He shakes his head, before quirking it to the side. "..And yes?"

You just giggle lightly. "Nice."

"It's my birthday next week." Yeonjun states, averting his eyes. You remembered, of course you had. This was one of your closest friends just mere months ago. The memories were forever etched in your mind though, you'd never associate that day with anything else.

"Well, happy early birthday." You nod, not really sure what else to say.

"I want you to be there." He blurts out.

Your eyes widen at that. "Yeonjun-"

"Wait, before you shut me down." He starts, his brain gearing into overdrive. "There will be no drinking or weed, and it'll just be a couple of people."

"I don't want you to change things for me." You respond, waving him off in an attempt to deny the invitation. "Enjoy your birthday."

"You could bake me a cake." He begins again, not letting up. "Like old times. It'll be a calm thing, like a peaceful parting."

You feel uneasy about it. "I don't know."

"I promise I'm not trying to make this weird. I would just like us to celebrate this last birthday together." And Yeonjun sounds sincere, looking down at the basket he held in his hands, awaiting an answer.

"I have your number." You smile, and he caught onto that you'd think about it. Though you knew what your answer would be the moment he had asked. So after grabbing the most appealing brand of jelly, you went straight for the baking aisle.

By the time you got home, you were ready to crash onto a pillow. Loading groceries and putting them up had taken forever. Though you had made plans with everyone this afternoon, wanting to ease the tensions lately. Beomgyu and Taehyun weren't really on speaking terms, and Sakura was going to have a meltdown if they didn't get it together.

Taehyun was arriving soon, planning to help you cook. He had been mostly compliant with the idea, not wanting to cause his sister anymore stress, though you knew he was having a hard time. Still, you had appreciated his effort.

You groan as you hear the knock on your door, you figured you should just give the boy a copy of your key anyways. Him and Sakura could share with how often they came over.

You let him in and watch as he slips his shoes off. Hanging his jacket as he places a few bags on your counter, mostly last minute stuff like drinks and cups. He stretches his arms as he begins opening your cabinets, taking things out as you sit down in a chair by your counter.

"Get to work, Taehyun." You smirk.

"That's Chef Taehyun to you!" He rolls his eyes and you laugh.

You help cut a few vegetables and season a few things as you make mostly light conversation. It felt good to talk about mindless things like new tv episodes and office gossip. Definitely a change in the usual topic of conversation lately, and you were thankful for that.

Taehyun finished dinner right on time for the others to arrive, both of them giving him a shy smile. Tensions completely obvious, but he was keeping it together.

And he did just that. For a while, it seemed like it was just the four of you, normally eating a dinner together. Conversation was mostly cut short though, no one really speaking up besides complimenting the food. You all did this pretty often, so it was almost like nothing had changed.

Nothing had to anyways. Right?

"You know," Sakura begins. "I was really thrilled when you invited us all to dinner."

You can tell shes itching to say something, so you play along. "Mhm, why's that?"

"Well, I have something I want to ask the two of you."

You go cold, what could she possibly need to ask you and Taehyun? It felt like everyone just wanted to drop bombs on you lately. So you held your breath.

"I want you guys to be the baby's Godparents."

Taehyun visibly stiffens at that, even allowing his fork to fall onto his plate with a loud clank. His eyes never leaving the table.

"Me?!" You question. You understood Taehyun, that was her brother. But you? You had only known Sakura for about six or seven months now, but she trusts you with her child? This was huge.

"Yes you!" She says, offended that you seemed so surprised. "I trust no one else more in the world than you. And I know that if anything were to happen to Beomgyu and I, that you would take that baby in with no hesitation."

You sit back in your seat, this would a lot of responsibility. What was even included in being a baby's Godmother?

"Taehyun." She continues. "You are my brother, the most responsible person I know. And Beomgyu and I trust you so much as well. I have no doubt that you two could work together in the future for this baby."

"Well, if we die, that is." Beomgyu attempts to lighten the conversation.

"I'd like time to think over it." He responds, grabbing his fork and resuming eating, seeming indifferent.

You know Sakura wants to say more but she backs off for the sake of keeping everyone off edge.

"I accept." You say, causing Taehyun to whip his head around. Sure, this was a lot of process in a few days, but you love Sakura. You'd like to think she had helped change your life for the better, so you'd be there for her. If roles were reversed, you know she wouldn't hesitate to do the same for you. Even if it was for something kind of far fetched, more of a title than anything. If it made her happy, then you would do it.

"Well, I was thinking we could make it official on Friday."

"I can't Friday, it's my friends birthday." You mention as you pout.

"Awe," She responds. "Ok, we'll do Saturday then?"

"Sounds good." You say, looking beside you. "Maybe Taehyun will have decided by then."

"Who's birthday is it?" He asks, changing the subject. "Can we come?"

"Oh, it's not a big party." You say. "Just a few of his close friends."

Beomgyu nods in understanding. "Sounds nice."

"You seem nervous. Something you're not telling me?." Taehyun pipes up again, you bringing a spoon to your mouth. He's onto you.

"What're you talking about?"

"Can we please just eat?" Sakura interjects, you and Taehyun looking shocked to her outburst. Even Beomgyu had an unexpected expression.

You just nod and offer an awkward smile. Everything was happening way too fast, so you couldn't blame her for snapping.

You nudge Taehyun on his arm. "So, how's the food?"

"Fine." He responds through gritted teeth. You sigh, he always loved talking about you two's meals. Saying how he wish he did things different, or that he loved the spices you added. But even that couldn't get him to speak again.

You're about to say something else when he suddenly stands up. Everyone looking up at him as he abruptly grabs his jacket.

"Taehyun?" You call out.

"I'm going home." He says, not even sparing you another look.

And you'd had it up to your ears with his attitude, your blood practically boiling. "Okay, then go."

And he looks back at you with a twinge of surprise evident on his face. You weren't going to ask him to stay? Or ask why he was so upset?

No you weren't. He wouldn't either after the way he's acted.

"I'm sick of all of you acting like this is normal. Like I don't have a right to be upset that my best friend knocked up my sister! Two of the most important people are starting a life that has no room for me!" He bursts, emotions pouring out.

"It's incredibly selfish of you to try and make everyone else miserable with you!" Sakura fires back. "I'm a grown adult, and I love Beomgyu. You are trying to make my baby all about you! I won't have my child around an uncle that sees them as an obstruction!"

"Then don't." And he walks towards your door. Slamming it on his way out, causing you to shrink in your seat.

It's silent for a couple seconds as Beomgyu runs his hands over his face. Sakura sitting back in her seat, obviously hurt.

Well this went to shit fast.

"He's taking this really hard." You speak up, attempting to defend him, when you're not even sure why.

"I know but I didn't expect him to react like this." Beomgyu says.

"He was so supportive of us dating too.." Sakura adds.

"Having a baby and dating are two different things." You remark, the two chuckling lightly.

"You can go after him, you know? We won't be mad." Sakura says, and she can tell that you so badly want to. But you surpress the feeling as you shake your head.

"He doesn't deserve it."

"He doesn't deserve you defending him either."

And you know she's right.

You don't talk to Taehyun for the rest of the week. Nothing so much as a text or phone call from him either. You feel somewhat hurt. You thought you two had grown an actual friendship, but it seemed so easy for him to cut you off. Like you had meant nothing.

It was all too familiar.

So it was ironic that you were slipping on your shoes to head to Choi Yeonjun's little birthday party. You had iced the cake that morning, taking extra long too, wanting to make a good last impression. That's right, last. You figured you really should just close things out on a good note. Seeing as you were struggling elsewhere, you figured you could do good with the one thing you had control over.

You put the cake in a little stand and headed straight for the front door. By the time you settled into your car, you see an incoming call from.. Taehyun?

"Hello." You say blankly as you bring your phone up to your ear.

"Can we talk?"

"Not unless you're ready to apologize."

"I am, please, can I come over?" He pleads.

"I'm busy tonight, remember?" You respond quietly.

"Then after?"

"Taehyun.." You trail. "I'm going to see Yeonjun."

You couldn't see him, but you could see his expression now. This would be like a slap in the face to him. Though, you knew your true intentions.

"Why?"

"I don't owe you any kind of explanation." You speak as you start your engine. Your stern take surprising even you. "I don't know when I'll be home, talk to you soon." You hang up the phone before he can get another word in. This night was going to take a bit out of you, and you didn't want Taehyun's intrusion to sour your time even more.

You just shake your head to yourself as you pull out of your driveway. The drive to Yeonjun's house is a short, familiar route. You wonder if this will be the last time you ever drive here.

You park next to what you recognize as Chaewon's car, wondering if she's aware that you're coming. Was Wooyoung? You throw the thought out of your head, it didn't matter if they knew or not. This was Yeonjun's day, and you were only here to make your last amends.

You can feel your hands somewhat shaking as you carry the cake to his front door. You couldn't believe you were back here after months. Would this change things? Would you fall back into them without the support of the others? And with the tornado that was your other group of friends? No, no you wouldn't. You would be strong, you got here through your own realizations. You were just here to suffice a last wish to one of your oldest, yet dying, friendships.

You knock gently on the door, unable to really ring the bell considering the cake that took both of your hands to hold.

The door swings open to reveal Wooyoung, the smile fading from his face as he see's you. He comes to a realization as he thinks out loud. "So that's why he said no booze."

Looking down at the cake in your hand, he moves to take it from you. But you're quick to brush him off as you smile awkwardly. "I got it."

And as you follow him into the house, you had confirmed the suspicion you had before. They hadn't known you were coming, and now you feel weird as everyone else might just think you decided to drop by.

Wooyoung moves some things off the kitchen counter so you can set the cake down, his hand grazing yours as he helps you put it down. You realize in that moment, that you felt nothing. It was a reassuring feeling, closure that your feelings had faded away. You weren't sure what to do with that information, but it did help anyways.

"Yeonjun, look who's here!" Wooyoung yells out to the living room.

The aforementioned is quick to stumble into the kitchen, eyes widening at your form. "You came!" He says, moving to look at the cake, almost like he didn't think you would. "It looks so good."

"That's what she said." Another voice remarked from behind him as they entered the area. It belonged to a male you'd never seen before, and a girl followed behind him on his arm. Were these new friends?

Yeonjun's quick to introduce you as a friend, to the new additions to their group, Mingi and Yunjin. Yunjin seems surprisingly ecstatic as your arrival, "Chaewon has told me so much about you! I've been wanting to meet you!"

"Yeah, Wooyoung say's you're the one who dyed his hair." Mingi speaks up.

"That was a long time ago." You say, you had only bleached it months ago. His new color was all due to his own touch ups and such.

"You got me something?" Yeonjun asks, looking at the bag hanging from your wrist. You had somewhat been at a loss of what to get him, only being able to use something your friend liked as reference.

"Uh," You stammer. "Taehyun say's they're like trending right now, so I picked one up for you."

Yeonjun smiles before taking the jacket out of the bag, his face lighting up. "I love it!"

And you grin, "I'm glad!"

"Taehyun? Like Kang Taehyun?" Yunjin qualms, quirking her head to the side. "Is he your boyfriend?"

You're about to shake your head when you stop yourself. "We're friends, I think."

"You think?" Wooyoung repeats.

"I-" You pause. "I don't know."

You really didn't, sure you guys could probably chalk up to close friends. But was that true? You looked out for each other a lot, but would Taehyun ever call you his friend? Would he?

But feelings were confusing. 'Cause at the same time, you felt maybe he could be something more to you. Something past the line of friends.

"He used to go to school with Mingi and I, super cool guy." Yunjin explains, smiling at you.

"Really?" Yeonjun says, sounding somewhat skeptical. "When I met him he was a sqaure."

"Hey," You say sternly. "He's fun."

Yeonjun backs off, quickly trying on his jacket. "Just saying."

"How do you not know what he is to you?" Wooyoung teases.

"I guess I never thought to ask."

"Yeonjun! I swear if I have to- Oh." Chaewon stops herself as she walks into the room. Spotting you as she all but gasps. "Hey."

"Hi." You manage to get out quietly.

Chaewon crosses her arms, "So are we like.."

You shake your head slowly. "Yeonjun just asked me to be here, to say bye, I guess?"

"Bye? Are you moving?" Yunjin asks.

"Something like that." You smile reminiscently. It would be easy to word it that way. You were moving, away from this life.

"Did you bake the cake?" Chaewon looks over at you.

You nod softly.

She smiles.

...

The night went better than you had imagined. You guys did stupid things like playing board games and telling stories. You warming up to everyone rather quickly. Nothing was awkward either, no one mentioned anything about your fight or sudden distance. It was just a normal hangout, minus the drugs of course.

The boys were currently playing a round of some video game on Yeonjun's tv when the girls huddle in the kitchen. Chaewon drinking sprite and Yunjin taking hits from her vape as you spot the tattoo donning her arm.

"That's badass." You say, her tilting her inner arm towards you so you can see it better.

"Thanks, Mingi has a matching one."

"You have couple tattoos?" You ask.

"Yup. We were wasted when we got them though, don't recommend."

And you just laugh. "That's.. admirable."

"Her and Mingi have been dating for like 6 years." Chaewon explains, your eyes widening.

"That's so cute." You grin, and it genuinely was.

"So what about you? Anyone special?" Chaewon smirks.

You sigh. "I'm not sure."

"Is it Taehyun?" Yunjin questions.

"Why do you say that?"

"I can tell by the way you've been talking about him like all night." Yunjin states. "Like earlier when Wooyoung brought up that new restaurant and you said you and Taehyun had already tried it. Or when you talked about the time you two went bowling. Or how about-"

"I think she gets it." Chaewon interrupts, laughing at the expression on your face.

Had you really talked about him that much? "I guess we just spend a lot of time together." You shrug.

"More like all your time." Yunjin winks.

Realization might as well have slammed you in the face. Maybe it would be more gentle to get by a bus than this. Did you like Taehyun? Is that why this was all so confusing?

You open your mouth to respond when Mingi comes barreling into the room, "Who want's to watch scary Youtube videos since it's midnight."

"Midnight?!" You exclaim, and as you check your phone, it confirms it is indeed about ten past midnight. "I should get home."

"Awee," Chaewon pouts. "But we're having so much fun."

"I'm sorry. I have something I need to do." You apologize.

"When will we see you again?" Yunjin pouts as she leans into her boyfriends side.

Chaewon grows silent as do Wooyoung and Yeonjun when they approach. All awaiting your answer, those three being the only ones who know why you're hesitating. Yeonjuns eyes light up expectantly. "You're welcome anytime."

You nod. "I don't know, when I have time, maybe."

But the three know what that means. "Thank you for coming. I had a good time, and I hope you did too."

"I did." You ease, grabbing your purse. You bid them goodbye, and Yeonjun pulls you in for a hug. Wooyoung follows as well, with Chaeown practically crushing you with her embrace.

"Until next time." Yeonjun nods, you trying not to notice the tears forming on his face.

"Yeah." You mutter.

Now, in the safety of your car, in your apartments parking lot. You want to bang your head against the steering wheel. Were you a fool? A fool for abandoning your closest friends? Or a fool for reuniting with them after you promised yourself you were done? You won't cry, you won't cry, oh. You're crying, but only a little.

You push all thoughts to the back of your mind, ready for a hot shower and bed. Just wanting to be freed from your thoughts for a little while.

Though that's all thrown out the window when you spot Kang Taehyun waiting at your front door. You just stop in your tracks, scoffing. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk."

"So you waited here the whole time?"

"The whole time." He confirms, pacing back and forth.

You step to unlock your door, him waiting outside as you step in. You turn and gesture for him to follow you, giving him permission to enter. In all honesty, you were drained and did not have to deal with whatever it was that Taehyun was so upset about.

Especially now that you felt you didn't know where you stood with him? Yeah this was a wreck.

"So," You begin. "What did you come all this way for?"

"I've been thinking, a lot. About a lot of things, like my sister and my best friend. And about you." He stops. "We haven't talked in a while."

"It's been a few days." You tsk, annoyance taking over. "This couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

Taehyun ignores you as he continues. "I've been miserable these past couple of days, and not just because of everything else that's been happening."

"Go on." You sigh.

"I think I love you." He reveals, eyes blown as he looks up at you.

"Don't say that." You whisper, avoiding looking at him. He couldn't be serious, how could you not have seen it? Because he couldn't be. No, Taehyun was just confused. He was trying to cope, and he was confusing his platonic appreciation for you as romance. That was the only viable explanation.

"Don't say what? The truth?" He speaks up, looking almost offended. He had just bared his heart to you, and you won't even hear him out?

"You're upset." You breathe. "You're upset and you're deflecting."

"What does that have to do with-"

"You're just happy I'm here." You cut him off as you fumble with your hands, scrambling to rationalize this."Your life is changing, and I'm just a constant. If it had been anyone else, you would have confessed too."

"That's not true." Taehyun speaks out in denial. "If you want to reject me just do it, but don't say my feelings aren't real."

"Oh c'mon!" You throw your hands up. "You don't love me! Do you even remember what you said to me when we met?!"

"You're not that person." He responds, exasperated. "I was an asshole to you because I thought I knew you. Nothing can excuse that but-"

"So what?" You interrupt once again. "You know me for a few months and now you think you've got me all figured out?!"

"Why won't you just accept it?!" He fires back. "I love you."

You stay silent, throwing your head back as you listen. He said he loved you, and you hated how your heart skipped a beat.

"And don't say it's not real because it is. I'm in love with you, not the person you've pretended to be. I love the way you care for me, the way you know how to cheer me up, the way you force me out of my shell. I love simple things like your hair, your smile, your sense of humor, and everything else." He pauses as he stares at your silent figure. "I've never felt this way about anyone."

You won't even face him, opting to look towards the ground. This was all too much for one night.

He stands as he fights back tears. "Are you going to sit here and tell me you don't feel it too?"

You have to lie. You can't accept his confession. You can't be in love with Kang Taehyun. You won't allow yourself to be.

The last time you fell in love with a friend, you ruined everything.

"We're too different-" You calmly start.

"No we're not, you said it yourself." He speaks truthfully. "And so what if we are? We could work through differences because that's what people in love do."

People in love?

"What if this ruins everything?" You tear up. "What if we don't work?"

"Then we worry about that later." Taehyun responds.

You take a seat on your couch, head in your hands. "There's just so much going on right now."

He cuts in before you keep going. "I know, and not having you by side made me realize how much I need you."

"Why? You're the strong guy here, I'm just the weak one who keeps falling back into her old-"

"Hey," He stops you. "I understand why you went to see Yeonjun. He was your friend for a long time, it can be hard to say no. I don't care if you hang out with them, as long as you're staying true to who you are."

You grab his hand from where it sits beside you on the couch. Holding it between yours as you wipe your tears with your other hand. "We can do this right?"

His eyes flicker to yours as he nods softly.

So you kiss him, and it feels right. Like you were meant to be here, kissing Taehyun at one in the morning. The both of you with tears in your eyes, but no care in the world besides each other.

There were still problems, yes. But they weren't going to be solved right now, you couldn't do anything, so you'd leave it up to the universe to worry about that. It's incomplete, yet you know everything will be okay in the end.

Much like real life.

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lilac-den · 1 year

Note

" your cuteness is making everyone stare. stop it. "

with Dolos, please? 🥺 sorry if this is late oh and thank you for the lovely if author :D

Thank you, anon, for the ask and the appreciation! :D Now onwards to the snippet!

Dolos x MC

It's during some fancy party of sorts, a formal event or something. Dolos has been through all sorts of these events, most of them to infiltrate and extract secrets. This time though, it's more of a social obligation; just a wedding for a friend of [Name]'s.

Much to the surprise of everyone, [Name] brought Dolos along as their plus one. Normally, this would give Dolos opportunities to flirt with [Name] grandly. After all, what romantic partner wouldn't attempt to flirt with one another?

But [Name] has a charm that flocks many to them, like moths to a flame. A fact that Dolos has always known, way before any of these arschlöcher* even got to breathe the same air as [Name].

Unfortunately, Dolos can't do anything about it because some of them are friends [Name] hadn't gotten to see for such a long time. Seeing the happy expression on their face, Dolos can tell they'd been wanting to catch up.

So Dolos simply resorts to sipping on their drink and keeping a watch on [Name], smartly dressed in a formal, dark green suit and black tie. Sometimes, Dolos admires the way a certain angle brings out a picture-perfect view and mentally maps out every inch and centimetre of [Name]'s expression. They dart their eyes to the bride and groom of the wedding, eying the dress and suit.

[Name] in a wedding dress or suit...That's some artistic inspiration right there.

"Hello."

Dolos's almost good mood dwindles away at that greeting, leaving a mental sigh in their wake before they turn to the owner with a courteous smile.

"I'm sorry, I don't believe we know each other."

Dolos is hoping that'll drive this stranger away - a man with slick back hair and an annoying grin on his face. Sadly, the man doesn't seem to get the message.

"I was wondering if a lovely, lonely soul like you would like a dance."

Smile. "Not interested."

"Oh, are you sure? I can-"

Dolos places a hand on the seat next to them in quick succession. "This seat is taken." Their tone is clipped and their gaze is cold. Normally, Dolos would let the person finish asking to avoid any assumptions or social disputes.

But fuck, was this bitch predictable? The way he's leaning closer than he should, how his smile is fixed and practised and even the way his eyes kept glancing down at their body instead of up to their face.

And he still has the audacity to try suggesting he can sit next to them, on a seat reserved for [Name]? Fat fucking chance.

"Dolly!"

A pleasant shiver runs down their back and they turn to the source, smiling widely at seeing [Name] walking up to them.

Then Dolos notice the smile is a bit tenser than what they were wearing earlier. No, not tense - sharper is probably more accurate.

"Who's your new friend?"

"Just someone minding someone else's business."

"Oh," [Name] smiles at the man, who is already opening his mouth to have a way of speech. Just when Dolos is tempted to stomp on the guy's foot with all the frustration they can put in, [Name] is moving between them and him. "In that case, thank you for your company but I'll take it from here."

The guy blinks, his eyes darting between Dolos and [Name]. When they land back on the latter, the stranger gives a grin that sets Dolos's blood boiling. "Oh. Then in that case, would a cutie like you be willing to-"

Dolos grasps [Name]'s hand in theirs and hooks their fingers together. Holding it up, almost right at his face, Dolos's voice drips with a hostile warning. "They're with me." Dolos doesn't even try to hide their anger. "Get the hint and get lost."

The stranger stands, shell-shocked. Just a glare from Dolos reminds him of his place and runs off packing. If Dolos imagines hard enough, they can see a tail tucked between his legs.

"Dolos?" [Name] asks, "You feeling alright?"

"Your cuteness is making everyone stare."

Dolos almost cringe at how desperate they sounded; how much have they drunk?

Dolos blinks upon the touch of a hand, one that sets their heart at ease in an instant. [Name]'s eyes are watching them now, scanning. Then Dolos gives a growl.

"Stop it."

[Name] tilts their head innocently. How cute are they to do that and leave them wanting? "Stop what?"

Dolos groans and resorts to wrapping their arms around [Name]'s waist. "Your cuteness," They answer as if they're stating the obvious, "you're using it to your advantage."

At this, [Name] puffs out a laugh. Didn't I just tell you to stop with the cuteness? You're making it harder for me to be intimidating, Dolos thinks with a possessive, internal groan.

"Dolos." [Name] calls them with that amused tone, both hands now on their cheeks. Dolos sighs and the tension leaves their body. But it doesn't escape their attention at [Name] suddenly climbing onto their lap, fitting each other like puzzle pieces.

A foxy grin stretches their lips.

"Tweety bird," a purr rumbles out of them, "is that vinegar I smell?**"

[Name] got cuter at the first signs of embarrassment on their face, those pretty eyes darting to the side as they act defiant. "What gave you that idea?"

"Hm..." Dolos gives a hum, hands grasping at the thighs before roaming upwards to the waist and hips, fingers being filled in [Name]'s flesh. "Just thought I smelled a burnt pride after what you did to the poor guy earlier. You didn't even let him finish his sentences."

"I didn't prevent him from finishing them." [Name] says in such a matter-of-fact tone, they might be able to convince someone else. Shame Dolos is the master of deceit and smells a lie from a mile away. "I just cut down right to the chase."

"Then you won't mind if I bring him back and let him finish what he was trying to say?"

The flare in [Name]'s eyes spark and they grab hold of their tie. Without missing a beat, they pull Dolos so close, their breaths nearly mingle together. A warmth spreads through their chest.

"Not a chance."

Dolos chuckles, low and quiet. Their arms tighten around [Name] in an embrace far too intimate to be anything other than a lover's.

"Then should we fly out of here and head back to our nest, my pretty, tweety bird?"

The smile in their eyes is all the reward Dolos needs.

----

*arschlöcher - assholes (arschloch - asshole)

**vinegar - in Chinese culture, drinking vinegar can also mean jealousy.

#silverking #Dolosasks #non-canon snippet #snippet

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oh-a-very-toxic-octopus · 10 months

Text

Okay, Discord buds got my drunken real-time rant about this, but it needs immortalising here for future me's sake.

Years ago, my dad bought a motorcycle trailer.

Or claims he did. I'd argue he bought a bit of scrap metal on wheels. Someone grabbed a fistful of box section and a bit of checkerplate and weld-bolted it all together into the most rickety piece of shit trailer-shaped rack you can possibly imagine.

It creaks if you even look at it. The floor plates don't line up properly; my dad has fallen off this trailer while loading it.

To further highlight the lunacy of keeping this thing, let me add that my dad's bike, the Triumph T160 he and my mum bought new decades ago, has appreciated wildly as a classic and is now worth over £10k. He is loading a £10k motorbike onto a trailer worth £3.50.

I have been ragging on this thing forever. Jim tries to be polite around my parents, but whenever he glimpses this trailer he has to do the turn away/headshake combo and then text me his complaints as 10-20 single-line messages sent over the next half-hour. It's law.

This is my dad revealing another foible of the trailer on the morning of The Event.

Yesterday, my dad drove from London to Anglesey. On sheer distance alone, this trip's worthy of an exacting check of your vehicle and trailer before you set off, but the tail end of the drive cuts through Eryri, the most mountainous bit of Wales, too. The area is remote and the roads are a little dangerous. You have to be prepared.

My dad, unprepared, sets off at around three. At half eight, I'm at home eating an omelette and having an important conversation with Jim about my mum-derived Clothes Trauma. It's taken a lot of gin to get me to this point. This is the most I've had to drink in months and I'm a little out of control, but it's cool, we needed this talk, I think it's putting my weird behaviour in context in a way that'll help him help me.

And then I get a call.

Jim's theory is that we've swapped roles with our parents. We're the dull ones with our full-time jobs and our eye on money and our strict preplanned schedules. Our parents are aimless and doing roughly whatever tf they want, and occasionally they need us to drop everything and bail them out.

This is an accurate take, the phone call reveals.

My dad's broken down short of Bangor. He's stuck on a high windswept road in the pissing rain without a rain jacket. It's a narrow road without a layby or any accessible hard shoulder; his car is parked in its lane with the hazards on, and everyone else has to detour around him. As this is Wales, the narrowness of the road means nothing: it's still a major trunk road and there are lorries blasting by. He is quite upset. He needs us to come rescue him.

We're on the far side of Eryri, 66 miles/an hour and a half away. I'm too drunk to drive, so Jim's roped in, even though he needs to be up for work at six tomorrow morning. My dad's mobile signal is appalling and he keeps dropping out of calls; I have to explain to him that he should use his phone's phone function instead of calling through WhatsApp before we even get the gist of what's gone wrong.

Which is this:

he left home without a jack

or the right socket to fit his wheelnuts

and a known slow puncture in one of the trailer's tyres.

His slow puncture has become a flat, and his planned method of pumping it up again hasn't worked. Thanks to the impeccable design of the trailer-shaped scrap, he can't get at the spare while he has a motorbike loaded up.

It's the most predictable and avoidable breakdown since that one time I forgot to fit a new split link when changing my motorbike chain and the whole thing poinged off outside Aldi. And at least my issue was memory and not a conscious decision to be an idiot.

Anyway, we set out. Important beats:

We lack the diesel to get there without a stop, which is always interesting in North Wales at night. The fuel station in Betws-y-Coed saves us. Thank you Shell. About halfway through the drive, my dad calls again to say he's found his 17mm socket at last and has successfully crawled under the trailer and retrieved the spare, but can't swap the wheels without a jack.

(Having since sobered up and had a good look at the photos, I wonder how the hell he got under there. The trailer sits incredibly low and he's pulled up against the kerb, so how did he get under there? Lying in the road?)

And so we find him, halfway up a mountain road in the rain and wind and dark.

The wind's so wild it almost ploughs my door into that stone wall. As we're putting out our emergency triangle and letting the Ranger's rear chevrons do some work, I am drunk but still struck by how dumb this really is. My dad confesses he got too cold at one point and had to shiver himself warm in the car with the engine on and the heated seats going. He is seventy-odd, for context.

With our jack, it takes approximately three minutes to fit the spare.

He heads off, we head home. The satnav suggests we'll be back by ten past midnight but it's more like twenty-five past.

There's not really a point to this whole rambling post. Carry a jack, obviously. That's not a lesson anyone should have to learn, which has been the running theme of 2023 so far: things go wrong and we learn nothing.

But on less of a down note, things go wrong, we learn nothing, and I get to spend an evening bopping in the car with my long-suffering yet still awesome partner, who, after a lot of gin and a lot of driving, now 100% grasps what my parents are like.

We also got to look very cool and patient and reliable in an emergency. I like it.

#a long nyx ramble #still hungover from all that gin #we listened to all the dance tracks I could think of from the 90s to the 2010s #i forgot how hot Sia's voice is in She Wolf #i also benefitted from Jim's encyclopaedic knowledge of old MTV music videos #anyway #I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE LIGHTS ARE TAKING US #BUT SOMETHING IN THE NIGHT IS DANGEROUS #my posts #very bad mechanic

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myhockeyworld87 · 2 years

Text

Let’s Play Pretend - Matthew Tkachuk - Part 3

Word Count: 10,293

Warnings: Language, Smut, NSFW

Notes: Here we go with Part 3. So when last we left these two, they had decided to go ahead with their plan and tell everyone they’re engaged, but then they shared a heated kiss and it seems like all bets are off. Will they find love or not?

As always I hope you guys enjoy this. If you do, hit me with some feedback. It’s always welcome. Happy Reading!!!

Let’s Play Pretend Masterlist

That first night in your new home, at least for the next several months, was definitely odd. You had never thought that you'd be walking up in Matthew's arms, that's for sure. Neither of you said much at two in the morning when a cramp in your neck finally woke you and you both headed off to bed, though to separate rooms. Later that morning, when you were finally up and about, Matthew took you on a tour of the house, telling you that you could change or move anything that you wanted. Nothing needed to be changed though, as he and Chantal had done a fabulous job putting things together. Besides, this was only your temporary home and you didn't feel quite right making any changes to it, since by the end of the season you'd be back in St. Louis, or maybe New York. You weren't quite sure.

The two of you made breakfast after that, opting to ignore any of the events that occurred the night before. It just seemed simpler that way. "So, I was thinking we could have Canadian Thanksgiving instead of the barbeque next week since your last exhibition is Saturday."

Matt swallowed a mouthful of eggs before answering. "Yeah, that'd be great. If that's not asking too much?"

"That'll be fine. I can have everything ready beforehand. Your mom gave me the name of a great cater to use, though there are a few things I want to whip up."

Matt got up from the table then, breakfast half-eaten, and you had to wonder where he was going. "Speaking of that." He left the kitchen only to return a minute later. "Here for spending purposes while you're here."

He handed over a credit card with your name on it. "What's this?"

"Gee (Y/N), I thought you'd know what a credit card is by now." He teased.

"I do, smartass, but why are you giving me this?"

"For expenses, like groceries and things. You don't need to be paying for stuff like that." You went to protest but of course, he cut you off. "Don't even say it. You're sacrificing so much for me already, you don't need to spend your own money."

"Matthew," you groaned out not needing his hand out.

"Save it. This is one argument you won't win. I expect to see some charges on there too. I'm sure the girls are all getting together for drinks and dinner before the first game. Make sure you use it then too." You rolled your eyes at him, not for the first time in a week but the first time he could actually see you. "I mean it, (Y/N)." He took another bite of his breakfast before changing the subject. "You are going to the first game right."

"Of course, haven't I been to every single one since you started." Matt had made sure that you'd not only been at every first home game of the season but every first game since he'd started in the NHL. It had been a bit tricking pulling things off once Brady was drafted but Matthew had always sweet-talked his way into getting you to his game over Brady's. Your heart told you there was never a choice between the two, even though you loved Brady like a brother. Matthew was the one who you loved far beyond that.

"Does that mean you'll be using that Oilers ticket I got for you?"

"Yeah. Meredith called and said the girls were getting a bus for the drive, though I think we're staying over. I was going to touch base with her today."

"Great." Matt looked down at his watch noticing the time. "I gotta run, practice starts in a few. The maid will be here to clean up in an hour or so."

"Maid?" You followed Matt out of the kitchen as he grabbed his bag.

"Yeah, I've always had one. She comes three times a week. This way you don't have to worry about the housework and concentrate on writing." He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed for the garage. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Maid…" you muttered to yourself as you went back into the kitchen to finish your breakfast. What did you need a maid for? The house wasn't that big. You could easily clean it while you stayed here. It seemed like an unnecessary expense in your book. And three times a week? That seemed like an awful lot for someone who wasn't even in his house half the time. You'd have to talk to Matt about cutting her down to one day if she was even necessary at all.

Despite the fact that some stranger would be showing up at the house in approximately forty-five minutes, you cleaned up the kitchen just like you would if you were at home. The thirty-something woman that came to the house was actually quite nice. You introduced yourself and she recognized your name right away, asking for an autograph, so you went upstairs and grabbed a copy of your new release to sign for her. The two of you chatted away while she did Matthew's laundry and cleaned the house from top to bottom. You learned that she was a single mom struggling to make it over a year ago. She told you that she knew Matthew didn't need her to come three days a week, for his old apartment was never that dirty, but she suspected that he was just trying to give her extra money for her two boys. Who Matthew had also gifted all new hockey equipment and lessons for. It made you feel guilty for not wanting her here earlier. She stayed a bit longer than usual talking to you but then went on to her next job.

The rest of the morning you spent preparing for the holiday feast, calling the cater Chantal had recommended and going over the menu, then calling a few of the wags to finalize everything. You then made a list of all the things you needed for the few things you wanted to prepare. By the time Matt came home, you had the party all set to take place. You unpacked the couple of suitcases that you brought with you, putting things in the spare room, that was yours for the next several months. Most of your wardrobe you left hanging in Matthew's closet, until after the party, just to be on the safe side. You didn't need anyone questioning the validity of your and Matt's engagement. Even though your heart was questioning every move that you made.

You and Matt settled into a nice little routine. One where you would write almost anytime he was away, be it for practice or exhibition games. Admittedly, it felt weird being in the house alone when he was on the road, but inevitably one of the other ladies would call and you'd end up hanging out with them. By the time Canadian Thanksgiving rolled around, most of the women had volunteered to bring a dish, though the carters had the bulk of the meal. You put the finishing touches on the desserts you made, as well the cute little favors you wanted to give everyone. With a few final touches to the tables you had set up, the house looked like something out of a magazine. Even the snow on the ground couldn't stop the smile from your face when you saw the finished product. "What do you think?" You asked Matt when he came down from getting ready.

"I can't believe you did all this in such a short time. The place looks amazing." You had each of the tables decorated with fall décor of pumpkins and gourds in shades of orange and red. The cater had dishes that matched everything to complete the look. Matt pulled you into a hug crushing you to him. "Thank you, (Y/N)." His eyes locked with yours, a look of gratitude there in them, with a hint of something else. Something that made butterflies flutter in your stomach as his hands slowly made their way down to your waist to settle so that his fingers were splayed gently across your ass. His head tilted ever so slightly toward you and you could swear at that moment he was going to kiss you. Only the doorbell rang, breaking the spell and causing you both to pull away.

"We should get that," you told Matt, as you headed to the door with him by your side.

"Happy Thanksgiving," Annica, Elias Lindholm's girlfriend, greeted you. You enveloped her in a hug, while Matt showed Lindy into the kitchen. "I have no idea why people like macaroni and cheese for this holiday. There's no nutritional value in this at all."

You laughed knowing that both American and Canadian traditions had to seem foreign to the woman from Sweden. "You know these guys and their pasta. I swear they can't go a day without it."

She laughingly agreed with you as you ushered her inside only to be stopped short when the doorbell rang again. This time with the Gudbrason family at it. You quickly hugged them all but snatched baby Benny from his mom. He went to you easily as you and Sarah had become fast friends being some of the newcomers in the group. From there it was a steady stream of guests as most of the team filed in for the festivities.

It was only once the party was in full swing that you gave a few of the girls a tour of the house. "I can't believe what you've done with the place in such a short time," Meredith commented as you headed upstairs. "Johnny and I haven't even been able to settle on a house yet, let alone decorate it."

"Well with the wedding and everything I'm surprised you've had time to even look," Annica stated, though she turned her attention quickly to you. "Speaking of weddings…how goes the planning, (Y/N)?"

Ugh, you knew this question would be coming; had prepared for it, but it still threw you all the same. "Slow. I mean we haven't set a date yet. I've just been too busy with the new book being published and then working on the next one, plus the house. We're just not in a rush." You shrugged your shoulder for an added touch, hoping to seem nonchalant about the topic, while also hoping to put an end to the discussion as well.

Luck was not on your side though. "Have you at least tried on a dress?" This from Sarah as she swayed from side to side with Benny on her hip. "I remember how much fun that was."

"No." Hoping the one-word answer would be enough.

"NO!" A few of the ladies exclaimed, startling little Bennet.

"We should make a little trip out when the guys are away," Meredith suggested, though that was the last thing you wanted.

"I don't know." You hemmed and hawed, looking for an excuse. "I kind of promised Taryn that she could be there."

"Then we'll have her fly up. Matthew won't mind, I'm sure." Annica added as if it was already settled and done. She must have seen you ready to protest, for the next words out of her mouth were, "Of course, when she can fit it in her schedule."

You smiled weakly, knowing that you weren't going to win this discussion. "I'll talk to her and see what we can do." You opened the master suite doors then, effectively changing the topic of the conversation.

"Oh, I love your room." Annica breathed out as she took in the suite. You'd taken the liberty of adding a few touches to Matthew's sanctuary to make it look as though you both lived in it on a full-time basis. A few pillows here, some throw blankets there and it totally looked like a room any couple would be envious of. One thing that you hadn't had to add was pictures. Matthew already had several of the two of you on the nightstands and dressers, as well as some of both of your families. It had you wondering if his mom had done that when she'd helped him move in or if he'd always had them.

"Thanks." You wished that you could take credit for it all, but you insisted that Matthew pick out most of the furnishings, since it was his room. "I'm in love with the bathtub." It felt like the first thing that you hadn't lied about all day. "I swear I convinced Matt to buy this place for it alone."

"I'm sure the two of you make good use of that." An image of you and Matt naked in the bathtub flashed in your brain, and heat immediately rose to your face at Sarah's statement. "No need to answer. I can tell by your face, you do." If only they all knew the truth you thought.

Opening the closet door, you tried to hide your anxiety by distracting the women. "Geez, (Y/N)," Meredith said offhandedly. "I can't believe you let Matthew take up the majority of the closet space." You thought that you'd left enough clothes in there that no one would notice, but apparently, that wasn't the case.

"What can I say; he's a clothes horse. Though I think I'm still trying to get used to sharing a space."

"Amen to that." Annica chimed in. "I turned the one spare room in our place into my little sanctuary, because I still need something for me. That and sometimes I work late."

"Oh," you said excitedly. "I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. For I kind of did the same thing here." It was one way to explain why you'd taken over the one bedroom.

"You two just wait until you've got little ones. There's no place you can hide." Sarah commented as she bounced baby Benny up and down. It was then that everyone realized what was said and the conversation turned to Annica and her struggle with fertility. She spoke openly about going through IVF until finally, you all returned to the party to your relief.

Matthew cornered you the minute you got downstairs, wondering if you should serve dinner. Seeing as everything was ready, you saw no reason not to and started to get everything ready. Since there were multiple tables, you'd set up the kitchen island as a buffet so everyone could serve themselves. Before dinner got underway, Matt grabbed everyone's attention. "Since it's Thanksgiving, I just wanted to say a couple things."

"Make it quick, we're hungry." Some yelled, you thought it was Johnny but weren't entirely sure, as there were a few chuckles as soon as the words were said.

"Alright." Matthew huffed though he had a smile on his face. "I just wanted to thank everyone for coming. It's times like this that make me realize what a great team we've got and I'm excited to see where this season takes us. I also want to take a second and thank all of our wives, girlfriends, and fiances." He looked over at you before continuing. "We're not the easiest bunch to be with, but without your support and love, we wouldn't be able to do what we do. So thank you for everything." You knew that Matthew was thanking you for coming to his rescue after the scandal, but when he said the word love, damn if your heart didn't flutter. "Especially my fiancé, for putting this whole thing together." His arm wrapped around your waist drawing you to his side so he could plant a quick kiss on your lips. You knew it was for show, but you couldn't stop wishing that this whole thing was real instead of just pretending. "Cheers everyone." Everyone raised their glass, taking a quick sip, before Matthew added, "Now, let's eat."

Dinner was full of conversation and laughter. The team just enjoying one another and really bonding. Matt was in his glory, which just made you smile. It reminded you just how much this team and hockey meant to him and reassured you that you were doing the right thing by faking this whole relationship. Which seemed to be fooling everyone, including your heart, as Matt would find small little ways during dinner to touch you here or give a lingering glance there. It had you wondering if there was some small chance that the two of you could have an actual relationship at some point.

The guys all filtered into the family room and game room, watching the Colts and Raven play Monday night football. It made it feel a little bit like Thanksgiving at home. All in all, your first Canadian Thanksgiving was amazing. Matt was showing a couple of the stragglers out, as you put the last glass in the dishwasher. He startled you when he came up behind you, his hands going to your shoulders gently rubbing them. "Thank you," he half-whispered in your ear, sending a small shiver down your spine. "I know it was a lot of work, but I really appreciate it."

His hands continued to massage your shoulders and you found yourself melting against him, even though you tried to steel your heart from falling deeper in love with this man. "It was fun, though I'd be lying if I said I'm not tired."

Matt stilled his fingers from kneading your tired muscles then. He'd planned on saying so much more to you. Wanted to tell you how much he wished that the two of you were a couple. That he wanted all the things he saw most of his teammates have. Hell, he wanted what Brady had with Emma and what his parents had; and he wanted them with you. The minute you yawned out how tired you were, he knew now was not the time to have that conversation. If anything, time was on his side, as you'd be here with him until the end of the season. There would be other times, he thought as he continued to knead the muscles at the nape of your neck. "Why don't you head up to bed? I'll finish down here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, there's not much. You took care of most of it." You stepped away from Matthew then, putting a little distance between the two of you. His hands caressing your skin had made the temperature in the room, and your body, raise several degrees and you needed space to breathe. Heading towards the steps, you were halted by the deep hush of Matt's voice. "Goodnight Princess and thanks again."

"Goodnight Matty."

Matt thought that he'd get an opportunity to tell you how he felt the rest of the week, but it never happened. It seemed as though the writing bug had gotten a hold of you and that most of your time was spent in front of your laptop. There were breaks here and there where the two of you would watch a show together and share a meal of course, but it didn't seem right to say, 'Hey I'm in love with you,' over grilled salmon and green beans. There was also Brady's big re-signing with the Senators, that had Matthew remembering the time when Brady wanted to confess his love for you. Thinking back on it, it was that summer that he finally realized he had feelings for you that went beyond being friends. He'd of course told Brady to keep his mouth shut because it would ruin the friendship you all had, but now he knew it was because he didn't want you choosing Brady over him. Maybe, if he'd had confessed his feelings back then, just as Brady wanted to do, the two of you would be madly in love right now, instead of Matthew mauling over when to say something. So he left for Edmonton, hoping that once he was back home, a magical moment would present itself.

You weren't sure what muse had spoken to you Thanksgiving night, but ever since the party, words just seemed to be flowing out of your head. Which made it hard to put the laptop away Thursday night and pack to go to Edmonton. It was just an overnight trip, but you were never one that could just throw a couple things in a bag. How you envied those that could.

You were all ready when Meredith picked you up at ten in the morning for the three-hour bus trip. Buses weren't normally your preferred mode of transportation, but then this was no ordinary bus. With its plush leather seats and free-flowing champagne mimosas, you were wondering if you were going to make it to the game or just pass out from the luxury of it all. Not all the women were able to make the trip, there were only about ten of you, but the chatter and the fun was nonstop. The three hours flew by. By the time you checked in to the hotel, you were ready for a nap. Just as you laid down on the mattress, your phone rang. "Hey, Princess." Just the sound of Matthew's voice made your heart skip a beat and he hadn't even been gone twenty-four hours. "Did you get here ok?"

"Yeah, we just checked in and got to our room a few minutes ago." You'd hadn't even had a chance to unpack yet. "Shouldn't you be napping?"

"Probably," he admitted somewhat unwillingly. "Just making sure you got here and are having a good time."

"I am," you told him smiling into the phone and thinking of all the laughs you'd just shared with the girls. "We had a blast, though I'm excited to see you play tonight."

"Yeah?"

"Of course, Matty. It'll be nice to watch you in person this year." With the craziness of last season, you didn't get to see too many of his games. "Did you talk to your parents? Are they going to be able to make it up for the game on Monday?" With Brady's contract only getting signed days ago, Chantal and Keith hadn't made any plans to come to Calgary for the first home game, as they normally would. When you'd last talked to them they were still trying.

"I talked to dad today. They aren't going to make it." You could hear the disappointment in his voice. Knew how much it meant to have them in the stands. "It's no big deal though."

"I know it is, but hey, I'll be there."

What you couldn't see was the million-gigawatt smile that Matthew had on his face when you said that. "Yeah, I know, and thank you. It means more than you know, (Y/N)."

"It's what best friends are for." Matt didn't want to hear the reminder that you were his best friend, as he definitely wanted more, but he could wait. "They're also for telling you to get some rest." Not that you didn't want to talk on the phone with him for hours, but you also knew that if he didn't get his nap, he'd be an angry bear. One that if poked, would end up throwing down the gloves and picking any number of fights, and that was the last thing you wanted.

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Make sure you come down after the game."

You knew most of the girls went down in the tunnels after the game. You'd done it many times, but this time felt a bit different. "I'll be there. Good luck."

"Thanks, (Y/N). Talk to you tonight."

He hung up then, while you ended up taking a nap yourself. Dinner with the girls was full of laughs, and while they continued at the arena, the Flames fell and so did some of the laughter. You headed down to see the team with the rest of the women, knowing that Matthew would be upset at the loss. What you didn't expect was the smile on his face as he left the locker room to come over and see you. "You'll get 'em next time," you mumbled out, not quite having the right words of encouragement.

"I know," he breathed out, dropping his bag so that his arms could loop around your waist. It was a bit unexpected, as this wasn't the way he usually greeted you over the years. But then you'd never been his fake fiancé before. Before you could overthink things, Matthew's lips were on yours, making you stop thinking altogether. He pulled you a fraction closer to his body, so that not only his scent but he himself, engulfed you. It was intoxicating, that mix of his cologne with the sandalwood soap he always used, as he pressed himself closer to you. The moment his lips touched yours, you were lost; drowning in the touch and taste that was Matthew Tkachuk.

He hadn't kissed you like this since that first night you got to Calgary, but then you were the one kissing him then. Although there had been quite a few kisses exchanged on Thanksgiving. When you actually stopped and thought about it, they'd been coming more and more frequently. Pecks no longer seemed like a brief touching of lips. They lasted a bit longer than what was appropriate for a quick kiss. Not that you were complaining by any means, but if they continued like this, you weren't sure how long your heart could keep its feelings locked away.

Matthew couldn't get enough of you. He poured all of his feelings into the kiss, hoping that by some slim chance, he'd get a miracle and you'd finally realize how in love with you he was. "Jesus, you two." Hanny's voice echoed off the walls. "Get a room for god's sake."

It was only Noah's words that had you both breaking apart, like two teenagers that had been caught by their parents. "Seriously, it's been less than twenty-four hours," Johnny added, his arms draped across Meredith's shoulders. "How are you going to handle the long roadie we have coming up."

"Shut up, Johnny." His wife scolded, with a shot to his chest. "Give them a break, they're in love."

During the whole exchange, Matthew's hands never left your waist. His hand idling drawing circles on your hip again, like the first night. This time though there would be no melting against his body and falling asleep. Especially since Matthew would be getting on the bus shortly. "You're one to talk Mister newlywed." Matt retorted. "I believe you were complaining about being away from your wife, on the plane yesterday."

"Why you gotta call me out like that man?"

"Face it, boys. You're both whipped." Noah taunted making a whipping noise.

"Someday, Hanny. You're going to be in the same boat, and we'll both remember this moment." Johnny threatened, then gave his wife a quick kiss on the cheek. "We gotta go, the bus will be leaving shortly."

"Sorry you came all this way and we can't spend more time," Matthew whispered so that only you could hear. "I thought maybe we could talk."

You weren't exactly sure what he meant by that. "It's ok. I'll see you at home tomorrow, though you'll probably beat me there."

"Probably," he chuckled arms encircling you one last time. He pecked your lips again before releasing you. "I'll call you when I land." You nodded still stunned from the kiss. "Have fun tonight with the girls." With one last kiss, he headed down with the other guys to meet the bus.

"You two are so cute together," Meredith gushed. "You guys remind me so much of Johnny and myself. I can't wait to be dancing at your wedding like you two were at mine."

Meredith's offhanded comment only made you uncomfortable once again lying to everyone about being engaged to Matthew. "Me either," you answered as vaguely as possible. "We should get going." The two of you were the last ones to head out, as it had taken Matt and Johnny a bit longer with interviews than everyone else. When you finally met up with everyone else, drinks had already been ordered and you were doing shots to catch up. It was a couple hours later before you were back in your hotel bed, where the room seemed slightly tilted. It had been way too long since you'd drank as much as you had, and you knew you were going to regret it in the morning.

The three-hour ride back to Calgary was not as pleasurable as the trip to Edmonton had been. It was definitely a lot quieter, except for a few dings here and there when the team landed. Matt had been home almost two hours before you came strolling through the door. "How was the trip?" Matthew inquired all jovial.

"Ugh," you groaned, head pounding. "Can you not talk too loud?" Even though you were positive that he was more than likely speaking at a normal level. Matt chuckled and you itched to wipe the smirk off his face. If only the drums banging in your head would stop beating. "I forgot how hard these hockey girls can party."

"I'll get you a water and some aspirin."

"Thanks." Plopping down on the couch, you grabbed the blanket and curled up under it. You should probably make your way upstairs and lie down in bed, but you had no ambition to tackle the stairs.

"Here ya go." Matt handed over the medication and you drank a healthy bit of water, knowing that it was your best defense against your hangover. "Want me to run you a bath or something?"

While it truly sounded like heaven, you just wanted to cuddle up in the blanket and not move for the next couple of hours. If your head wasn't pounding, you would probably question why Matthew was being so nice, but right now you were just grateful that he was. "Maybe later, I'll commandeer your bathroom, but I'm not moving right now."

Matt sat down in the opposite corner of the couch as you. "Come here." His voice was soft, soothing; and even though you didn't want to move, it coaxed you over to him. He cradled you against his chest and then took his fingers and started to massage your head at the temples. It took all of two seconds for you to close your eyes and relax. "Better?"

You hummed your response as you felt the pressure on your skull ease. He continued his ministrations and soon you fell fast asleep.

It wasn't lost on Matthew that this had become his new favorite spot when he was home. But then any place that he could hold you in his arms was where he wanted to be. Matt had planned on talking to you about his feelings when you got home, but with your head splitting in two; he knew now was not the time once again. Instead, he was content to just hold you in his arms for the next few hours.

The following day, you were sitting in a suite at the Saddledome watching the Flames take on the Ducks. The game went into overtime, but the Flames weren't able to walk away with the win and fell to the Ducks. Once again, you were down in the tunnel with Matthew kissing you as your life depended on it. You were wondering if this was going to be a commonplace thing that happened at every game you were at. Because if it was, you weren't sure if your heart was going to make it until the end of the season. Thank goodness Matt had a long road trip coming up.

Neither of you spoke about the kisses that you shared that night or the following day. It was as if you'd both built up this dam, that held back your feelings for one another. Little by little, you could feel the cracks in it though. It wasn't until a couple days before Matthew left, that part of it finally broke.

You'd been writing all day and finally decided to take a break, leaving your laptop on the coffee table in the living room. Matt had brought home lunch for you both after practice and you were finishing up cleaning the dishes after you both ate. "How's the writing going?" Matthew asked as he sat down on the couch. You didn't see him pick up your laptop and flip it open.

"It's good. I talked to Mason today and he was really excited about the last chapter I sent over."

"Sure, he was," Matt muttered more to himself than you. Though he never met the man, your new editor rubbed him the wrong way. Matthew opened up the document you'd been working on and started to read.

"I may end up having to fly out to New York again in a few weeks."

"Uh-huh," He answered not really paying much attention as he read over one of the chapters you were working on.

"I'll try and coordinate it so that we're both on the road at the same time if I can." This time Matthew didn't say a word, so you just continued. "He said there's been some interest in making it a movie. Can you believe that?"

"Yeah, babe."

"Matthew? Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?" God, you sounded like your mother there, but he hadn't paid any attention to what you were talking about. It was big news, at least to you. Dropping the towel, you decided to see what godforsaken show had captured his attention so much. You were surprised when the television wasn't on at all and he instead, was fully engrossed in reading something on your laptop. Your laptop! "What are you doing?" You shouted horror-stricken to think that he may be reading what you wrote.

"Your new book." There was an innocence in his tone as if he was your editor and not the man you had been hopelessly in love with for years. "I can see why your editor enjoyed it." Heat immediately went to your cheeks as you knew exactly what he was talking about. "It's very…." Matt searched for the right word, while you wanted to crawl upstairs and hide in your bedroom; with your laptop of course. "Spicy."

"Oh my god! Why are you reading that?"

"What do you mean? I always read your books."

"You do? I thought you just wanted a signed copy. I…" Well in truth, you never thought he opened anything past the cover to see that it was signed.

"You're amazingly talented, (Y/N). I've loved every book you've written." The sincerity in his voice, had you blushing at his compliments. "And I'm sure this one is going to be fantastic as well. I mean especially if it's all like this chapter." You'd just written a particularly smutty scene where the female character was trying to seduce the man she was living with. It hit a little too close to home, except you hadn't been trying to seduce Matthew, even though deep down you wanted to. "Can I ask you something?"

God, you wanted to die, yet still, you found yourself saying, "Sure."

"These scenes…" he said gesturing with his hands, as he tried to find the right words. "Do you write them from…experience?"

You were wrong, you thought you wanted to die before, now you surely knew you were going to from embarrassment alone. You swallowed past the lump in your throat, trying to figure out the best way to answer him. You tried to think back to every smutty thought that you'd written. If you told him the truth, you had no doubt he'd be shocked. Especially if he remembered that one scene in the first book you'd ever published. You decided to go with the easiest route. "Mostly."

Matthew nodded, taking that answer into full consideration. "So, this last part. You've done that." It wasn't a question as much as it was a statement, but you found yourself nodding a yes. You hoped that would be the end of the conversation, but he kept going. "And the guy…he was turned on by that?"

"Are we really having this conversation?"

"Come on, (Y/N). I really want to know."

"Are you saying no one ever has with you?"

Matthew thought back on his experiences before he said. "No, and I can't say I really see it being a turn-on."

"Really?"

He shrugged, but then an idea struck him. "Show me."

"I'm sorry. What?"

Matt was already turned on at the idea of you putting your words into action, but knowing that this could bring you two even closer made his heart give way just a bit more. "I don't know. Just read me this part right here." Matt pointed out the section. "And just act it out a bit, you know in case they decide to make this one a movie."

He really had been listening, though that didn't help your answer or your heart for that matter. "But.." you stuttered out. "We're just friends, it's not like…"

"You're still a woman, (Y/N), and I'm just a guy. Besides, we kiss all the time and it hasn't interfered with our friendship." How you wish it had though.

You weren't sure what came over you, but you finally decided to just give in. "Fine." You didn't have to take it as far as the scene went in the book. You would just stop once you proved to him that it really was a turn-on. Matthew leaned back against the sofa a bit more, making himself more comfortable as he handed over the laptop to you. "You're sure about this?"

"Absolutely."

You found a good starting point in the chapter, then cleared your throat. "Sophia's eyes danced mischievously as she made her way over to where Xavier sat, his shirt half unbuttoned. She itched to run her fingers across his bare chest, but that would come with time. 'You're playing with fire, Soph.' Xavier purred as she made her way over to him. 'Don't start something you can't finish.'

"She knew he was playing a game with her. One he thought she'd never finish, but Xavier was wrong. Sophia was more than ready to see this through to the end. 'I'm not starting anything neither of us doesn't want.'

"A dark and sinister chuckle left his lips. The same ones Sophia planned on kissing endlessly for the next several hours. 'Don't think you won't have to work for it.'

"Sophia trailed her hands down her body." You saw Matthew raise an eyebrow at you as if you were supposed to mimic the words you had just spoken. "And how am I supposed to do that and read this?" You asked him, holding the laptop up for added effect.

"Gimme," He said taking the laptop out of your hands and setting it on the end table. "You can still see it. Right?" You nodded as you moved closer. "Please continue. I'm enjoying this private reading." You rolled your eyes at him, then continued.

"Hiking her skirt up…" You obviously weren't wearing a skirt, as you had on an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of pajama shorts. All the same, you remained in character and slid the shorts up just a bit higher. "Sophia straddled Xavier's meaty thigh." You did the same to Matthew, still stunned that no woman had ever ridden his thighs before. Sure, they weren't as massive as say...Sidney Crosby's, but they still made your mouth water all the same. Although at the moment your lips had gone completely dry, like the Sahara Desert for what you had to read next. "The instant her pussy made contact with him, she could feel the wetness pool down in her core." You couldn't look Matt in the eye as you continued. "Her body was on fire and she'd barely made a move on him. Sophie longed for more. Her body yearned for his touch. When Xavier didn't make a move, she knew she had to, and started to rock back and forth against him."

You sat there on Matt's thighs, torn between pulling off this mock acting class that you were giving him and running up the stairs and hiding in your room. Strangely, it was Mason, your editor, whose words ran through your brain. Telling you to make your character bolder, more in control. So, with a newfound confidence that you didn't have, you started to rock gently against Matthew's thighs. "Sophia's fingers danced their way up her along her blouse, all the way to her silken locks. As she ran them through the soft strands, she knew the buttons were straining against her breasts longing for them to be released from their confines. Yet still, Xavier made no move to touch her. Her hands finally found their way to his strong and muscular shoulders, only then did she decide to grind down a bit more onto him. A low throaty moan left her lips as pleasure built inside her."

You copied Sohpia's actions; grinding down on Matt just a bit more than you had before. You saw the twitch in his fingers. Could tell that he longed to touch you, but was it to rid himself of your body or to crush you to him, you weren't exactly sure. "Xavier could feel the dampness of Sophia's panties even through the fine linen of his pants. The suit was expensive but it was worth ruining as long as Sophia's juices were drenching the luxurious material. It was that bit of wetness that fueled his lust and drove him wild until he had to touch her, ruining his resolve that he wouldn't. His hands made their way to her hips, of their own accord and Xavier realized he couldn't stop what would happen next even if he wanted to."

This time it was Matthew who was following directions, as his hands grabbed onto your waist, pressing you further onto his thigh. Your clit started to ache with need as the friction from the material of your bottoms and the silken feel of Matt's shorts drove you wild. Your breath started to come a bit faster and you willed yourself to calm down a bit before reading the next part. "Xavier's hands on her body spurred Sophia on." You were panting now as you tried to recite the words you'd written earlier. It was only then you realized why you'd stopped writing, as you'd been so turned on thinking about doing these things with Matthew, and now, here you were putting words into actions and making you frantic with need.

"Matty, we should stop…"

Matt was prepared for this. Knew that you wouldn't want to carry out this little foray, as it would somehow cause too many emotions to bubble to the surface. "Pretend I'm him." Matthew's hands stayed on your hips, no longer feeding the frenzy but still stoking the fires that were driving you wild. "Would Sophia stop?"

Sophia wouldn't and you knew that. She had the confidence to continue, to make Xavier want her like he had wanted no one else. "No."

"Then be her," Matty breathed out, his warm breath fanning across your cheek, making you turn back to the laptop. It was better than looking him in the eye as you rubbed your needy cunt on him.

You lost your place. Couldn't seem to find it in the haze of lust that had taken over you. Deciding to just pick a place, you continued to read to Matthew. "She was on fire, her pussy dripping all over him, and he loved every second of it, though he wanted more. Wanted her bare cunt rubbing against him and not just the pretty lace thong that she seemed to be wearing." You picked up the pace that you'd been keeping, hoping that Matty would avoid imitating what would happen next. "Xavier gave in to his cravings, letting his one hand wander down to her thigh, where he slowly caressed Sophia's soft downy skin." Just as you hoped he wouldn't, Matthew copied Xavier's movements to the letter, until your breath caught in your throat. It took a second before you continued. "Higher and higher his hand climbed until he could feel the heat radiating off her core. His fingers danced over the small scrap of lace and he heard Sophia's breathing quicken." Yours did as well, as Matty bunched up the pajama shorts you had on. His fingers brushed over your clit, sending you into a blinding need of lust. As if on autopilot, you ground down on Matthew just a bit harder, before returning to the story. "Xavier's finger hooked the tiny piece of fabric and shifted it to the side. He wanted to slide his finger between Sophia's folds; feel the dampness there, only so he could taste her essence. He stopped himself though, wanting to maintain that sense of aloofness."

You rushed over that last part, even as you felt Matt's finger tug at the material of your panties and shorts. The moment your pussy made contact with his skin, you let out a moan. His skin. When did that happen? Had you ridden his thigh so hard that his shorts had bunched up or had he moved them on purpose? You had no clue which it was, but you could feel your wetness all over him. Face flushed with need and want, you couldn't look at him, yet at the same time couldn't read a word on the screen.

Matthew saw the embarrassment written all over your face, though it was for nothing. He now knew the allure of every word you'd written in that chapter. He needed to see you finish this, almost as much as he needed air to breathe. Though he wanted this more. He wanted to look you in the eyes as you came on him. Wanted to see your face as pure bliss overtook you. His hand, the one that just seconds ago had brushed against the heavens that were your pussy, moved to the laptop, slamming it shut. "Look at me, (Y/N)."

His voice brought you out of the stupor you'd been in, or had it been him shutting the computer. "Matty," you panted out, unable to stop yourself now as you rode his thigh searching for that high.

"So, fucking hot." He praised or at least you thought he was praising you. He could just mean the whole act was hot, but you weren't going to think about that right now. His hands slid underneath your sweatshirt. His sweatshirt. The one that you'd worn so many times, only now you wanted him to rip it off. To throw it on the floor so that he could touch and feel how on fire your body truly was for him.

Matthew's hands skimmed over your abdomen until his thumbs caressed the undersides of your bra. The lace tickled his skin and cried out to him like a siren's call, one that he couldn't resist. Slowly, his hands crept up to cup your breasts. Covered in lace, it acted as a shield barring him from what he truly wanted. And that was to feel your soft delicate skin against the coarseness of his fingers. He couldn't stop himself, as his neediness overtook him and he pulled the flimsy material aside, uncovering one breast to his touch. They were perfect, Matthew thought; the size, the shape, the feel, how your nipple pebbled under his touch. He yearned for more. Longed to take it in his mouth and suckle on it. Let his tongue swirl around the peak, until it hardened even more. But then you moaned and he was lost in the sound of your voice, wanting to hear that sound over and over again. He locked his eyes with yours, his forehead just a hairsbreadth away from yours, as you rode him. He felt your reluctance, so he cupped the nape of your neck, willing you to not look away; to see the raw passion, desire, and love that he had for you. "Look at me, princess" he softly whispered.

You had hated the nickname that Matthew had given you back in middle school. Loathed the way it rolled off his tongue each and every time he said it. That was until now. Maybe it was the timbre of his voice or the look in his eyes as he said it, but you longed to hear him call you that again. Wanted to hear him speak it as he lay on top of you with his cock buried deep inside you. Maybe that's where this all would lead; you weren't entirely sure. Could only hope that it would as you fucked yourself there on his thigh. "Matty," you moaned out, looking deeply into his eyes. You could see the hunger in them. Knew that despite him saying earlier he wasn't sure that this would be a turn-on, that he was rock hard. Your knee felt his erection as you rode him, but you wanted more. Needed to feel his cock in your hand just as his one hand toyed with your breast. Wanted to drive him towards the edge just like you were. It was then that you decided to be even more like Sophia.

Your hands had sought purchase on his muscular shoulders, as you rocked back and forth on him. Now, you took one hand and skated it down his chest. Hand practically shaking, as you glided it up the length of him. He was hard. You could feel his cock straining against its confines, yearning to be released. However, you wanted to torment him just like he was doing to you. Matthew hissed in a breath, as your nails traced the length of him. He never broke eye contact with you, but you heard his breathing become more rapid. Trailing your fingertips up to his waist, you ran them across his abs before dipping them down inside the waistband. Your index and middle fingers had just barely touched the head of his cock, but you could feel the precum there. It gave you the confidence to slip your fingers further down.

It was then that you heard the chimes from the motion detector and you stilled not only your hand but your entire body. "Don't stop," Matthew hissed out, still looking deep into your eyes, while his hand at your hip urged you to move again. "Probably the mail," he huffed out when you didn't immediately start rubbing your cunt on him. He was right, it was more than likely that. You picked back up where you'd just left off, fucking yourself against him, while your fingers finally wrapped around his cock.

"Someone is at the front door." The Alexa that sat on the end table announced, causing you to stop once again; fingers still gripping his dick. "Ignore it," Matthew all but commanded, both hands now holding onto your hips encouraging them to keep moving. His eyes were the key though, they spoke of how much he needed this, but also held how much he wanted this for you. So, you did as he said and forgot all about whoever was at the door. "That's it, princess," he praised you as you ground down on him, while at the same time began to stroke the length of him. There was a part of you that wanted to abandon the pleasure you sought on his thigh and just sink to the ground so you could take his cock in your mouth, circle your tongue around the head and just taste the essence of him.

You were toying with that idea when the doorbell went off again. "Someone is at the front door."

"Fuck," Matthew hissed out, finally breaking eye contact with you. "They'll go away." Your body told you that Matthew was right even as your head contradicted that theory.

"Chucky, open the door."

"It's just Hanny," Matty whispered, as you finally released his cock and took your hand out of his pants. "He'll leave if we're quiet."

"Matty," you chastised in a disapproving voice.

"I know your home Tkachuk," Hanny called out and you found yourself standing on wobbly legs getting ready to answer the door.

"One second," you yelled back, as Matthew's hands steadied you.

"Seriously, (Y/N)?" Matt whined. You felt the loss as much as he did; felt just as frustrated. Though you couldn't leave Noah standing outside in the cold.

With one last look at Matthew, whose thigh glistened with your juices on it, you headed for the door. It took a second to adjust your bra and panties, and you may have pulled your sweatshirt down a bit further to cover anything else up. After a deep breath, you opened the door to find a very wet and disheveled Noah Hanifin. Which wouldn't have surprised you, if it had been raining, but it wasn't. "Jesus, what happened to you?" Stepping aside, you motioned for him to come inside.

"Broken pipes." Was all he offered by way of explaining, before taking a good look at you. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'll go see if Johnny…"

You didn't let him finish. "Nonsense. Let me go get you a towel…or several."

You headed upstairs but heard Hanny apologizing. "Fuck man, I didn't realize that you two were…well, you know…"

"We weren't." Matt lied.

"Please, pillow in the lap. Dead giveaway."

"We are engaged," Matt offered as an excuse, then quickly changed the subject. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure. The whole apartment complex is flooded. I was hoping that maybe I could stay here with you and (Y/N) until it's figured out."

Matthew didn't answer right away, as he still hadn't recovered from his lust filled haze. He was hoping to pick up where the two of you left off and quite possibly take it a step further. "Of course, you can." You answered handing the towels over that you'd just got.

"I grabbed some of my stuff but it's a wet mess."

"Bring it in and I'll throw it in the laundry for you." It was the least you could do.

"A couple of the other guys are out of a place too," Hanny added. You had forgotten that a few other players lived in the same complex as Noah. "I know you have a few spare rooms. If it's not too much trouble."

A look was exchanged between yourself and Matthew. Both of you trying to gauge what the other was thinking. "I don't know…" Matt started to say and you saw the questioning glance Hanny gave him.

"It's fine Matty."

"But…" Matthew interjected while Hanny's head bounced back and forth between the two of you like a puck passing between forwards.

"Is there something going on I should know?"

"No!" Both you and Matt exclaimed. Noah's eyebrows drew together in concern and you needed to come up with a reason quickly. "It's just…well…" Matthew stuttered.

"I sort of took over the one spare room." Well, that certainly didn't answer any of Hanifin's questions. If anything it made it worse. "You see, I sometimes like to write in the middle of the night…and I don't want to wake Matty up. It was just easier to put some of my things in there, so I'm not going in and out of the room." Noah nodded apparently accepting the flimsy excuse. "But really, it's fine. I can just move some stuff over to Ma…our room."

"That's great. I'll call the guys." Matthew kept looking at you with a frown on his face as Noah pulled out his phone.

"I'll go start moving my stuff. Just bring your things in and throw them in the laundry room."

"Perfect." He said wandering outside to grab his things, while you headed upstairs.

You hadn't realized Matthew was following you until he shut the door to your room. "You do realize we're going to have to share my room, right?"

"I'm aware," you answered as you grabbed the suitcase you had in the closet and started throwing things inside it. "I can sleep on the floor. It's only for a couple nights, then you'll be on the road."

You sleeping in his bed was not the problem that Matthew had. In fact, he wanted you there. Only he didn't want half his team sleeping in the room next to him as he planned on ravishing you, nor did he want his first time with you to be in a house full of hockey players. "You're not sleeping on the floor," Matt whispered harshly as he heard the door close downstairs. You walked back into the closet and grabbed the rest of the clothes. "That's not what I meant. I was talking about what happened downstairs."

You could feel the heat surfacing in your cheeks at the mention of what was shared between you moments ago. Hell, your legs were still sticky from your juices. "We said it wouldn't change anything and it won't."

A knock at the door stopped any further discussion. "Hey, what room should I take?" Noah called out and you opened the door and walked him down to the other spare room, the one meant for Matthew's or your family when they visited.

"Here you go. There are towels in the bathroom if you want to take a shower."

"Thanks, this is really nice of you guys," Noah stated. "I called Marky, he and Dube will be here in a bit. We all really appreciate this."

"No problem, man," Matthew told him, then the two of you went back to your room, while Noah went to shower. Once he heard the water run, Matthew decided to try a different tactic with you. "I'm not saying what happened changed anything. It's just…" He tried to come up with the right words. "I think we should do it again."

"What?"

Ok, so that didn't exactly come out the way that Matt had intended. "Well…I mean…fuck," he mumbled and ran his hand through his curls. "It's been a long time, (Y/N). For both of us, I think. I just think we could both use…well…some sort of relief."

"Are you saying we should fuck?" you whisper yelled back at him, shocked beyond belief that those words had just come out of your mouth. You could barely look at him as you said them.

"Yes…no…maybe."

"Oh my god, we cannot have this conversation right now. Not with your teammates coming to stay here and most of my stuff is in this room." You walked into the bathroom and started gathering all your makeup, hoping to compose yourself. Matthew's suggestion that the two of you have sex was beyond anything that you ever thought would happen. Of course, you'd dreamt of it before, but not like this. It was supposed to be romantic, not some transaction between the two of you just so you could blow off a little sexual steam per se. It wasn't that you didn't want to. God how you wanted to. You just didn't want things to change between the two of you. A little voice whispered in your head that you'd already crossed that line when you were rubbing your cunt on him not thirty minutes ago, and really what would be the harm if you actually fucked him. Your heart shattering to a million pieces, that's what it would be.

"Hey, princess," Matthew called out from the bedroom, making you push all those thoughts to the side.

"Yeah," you answered walking back into the bedroom with your arms full of toiletries.

"Where do you want me to put this." Matthew stood there, a grin splitting ear to ear as he held up not just one, but two of your vibrators that you'd brought to Calgary with you. You wanted to die, like right there on the spot. Just crawl into a hole and never come out again. That's how embarrassed you were. To make matters worse, he dropped them to the bed and pulled out the rest of your extensive toy collection. Your mouth opened to say something yet no words came out. Instead, one lone tear started to make its way out. You could feel it coming, but with your hands full of shampoo and body wash, you couldn't brush it away. "Hey, hey." Matt cooed coming around to you. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, it's sexy as hell." You couldn't look him in the eye, which you found rather ironic considering you'd held his gaze earlier while you rubbed yourself against him. "It's like I was saying before, (Y/N). We're both a little sexually frustrated. It's completely normal."

Was it also normal to fantasize about your best friend while using them? Because that's what you'd been doing, but he didn't need to know that. "I know," you finally breathed out, finding that inner confidence once again. "And maybe you're right, but now isn't the time to try and figure this out."

"True." You heard the disappointment in his voice and wondered if he possibly wanted this as much as you did. "We can talk about it later." He bent and kissed your forehead, before releasing you. "I'm sorry for embarrassing you, (Y/N). That wasn't my intent."

"I know." The question now was rather, you wanted to be sexually frustrated the rest of your time in Calgary or did you want to put your heart on the line and risk everything. It was one you were going to have to think on long and hard.

#matthew tkachuk #let's play pretend series #Matthew Tkachuk smut #Matthew Tkachuk imagine #Matthew Tkachuk imagines #Matthew Tkachuk fanfic #NHL fanfic #NHL imagine #NHL imagines #hockey smut #hockey fanfic #hockey imagine #hockey lemons #Matty tkachuk

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niksfics · 3 years

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↬ WHAT COULD NEVER BE

↬ PAIRINGS: bokuto x f!reader? (Side) atsumu x f!reader

↬ WARNINGS: nothing really. Just some heart wrenching angst, bokuto is careless with your heart I guess

↬ SUMMARY: you fell in love with your bestfriend but your bestfriend has never felt that way about you.

↬ A/N: I totally did not cry while writing this pft

↬ WC: | 1.7K |

My first year at Fukurodani had been lonely to say the least. I had been new to the area wheras everyone else had gone to middle school together, and I'd been the odd one out. The cliques had already formed leaving me to fend for myself.

My second year though I'd seen a flyer for the boys volleyball team needing a new manager. I signed my name against my better judgement and hoped for the best. When I'd shown up to the first practice game after a talk with the coach, I had realized signing that flyer was the best decision I'd ever made.

Bokuto Kotaro a second year -at the time- like myself was just a ball of energy. He was an honest to god enigma. Being around him was just intoxicating, a rollercoaster you never wanted off of. We got along fairly quickly and him and the rest of the boys had made my second year a little less lonely.

In my third year I was always greeted in the halls, by my fellow classmates who'd known me because of Bo. When he'd learned that I was basically friendless in my second year he'd gone around and introduced me to just about everyone he knew. Eyes shining with love and happiness. That was the third time my heart had skipped a beat because of him.

By the time I realized the butterflies in my stomach increased as the months went by in my eventful second year, the more I realized I was falling in love with my best friend. My heart thumping against my rib cage every time he'd look at me. My skin lighting on fire as his skin brushed against mine. My breath catching in my throat whenever he'd look at me a certain way, or whenever he leaned down to whisper something in my ear. He made me feel breathless and I could never get tired of it.

The day I realized my bestfriend, Bokuto Kotaro, just might not be in love with me as well was the day I'd stayed late after practice to put some of the equipment in the storage closet. I'd been proudly wearing his jacket. It swallowing my body because that's just how big he was. He'd rounded the corner into the closet and smiled at me sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"Y/n, I was wondering," he'd paused and my heart beat against my chest almost as if it was gonna burst right through my skin. The breathless feeling coming back and I felt myself starting to smile until he'd finished his sentence, "well uhm... I was wondering if I could have my jacket back, Koyuki is cold and I don't want her to freeze," my smile dropped in an instant. The way he'd said her name, it was.. well it was different than whenever he said anybody else's name. "Oh yeah sure Bo, lemme just put this stuff down really fast," I'd turned from him nose stinging from the tears welling up in my eyes, and I swallowed the lump forming in my throat down. Suppressing every single emotion in my body.

I'd handed him his stupid jacket back and slammed the door closed as I watched him drape it over her shoulders and she smiled brightly at him.

I should have known then. Known that he was falling head over heels for akaashi's twin sister, because when bokuto falls in love it's not quiet, its loud and powerful and passionate and it'll swallow you up if you let it.

Koyuki akaashi did just that. Let his love consume her like the raging fire it was. They were a beautiful couple. A match made in heaven.

She was beautiful and confident. His personal little cheerleader. She was undoubtedly the most wanted girl at our school. She was perfect for him. I knew that. I felt it, and I tried my damn hardest to be so happy for him. To love him differently. The way he loved me. Platonically. I watched them fall in love.

Watched him kiss her with a passion I only dreamt of feeling from him. They held looks of love whenever they looked at the other. The hardest part though. The hardest part was she was the kindest, sweetest girl you'd ever meet. A heather. No hidden agenda. Nothing like those girlfriends in the cliche best friends to lovers trope books. She welcomed me as a friend and fully supported me as bokutos bestfriend. She was impossible to hate, and how could I hate her when she was the reason my best friend smiled the way he did. The reason his breath caught in his throat just the way mine did.

When we graduated and I'd become a cheerleader for the MSBY Black Jackals, because I'd promise Bo to not leave his side. Promised I'd followed him to the ends of the earth. We were y/n and bokuto. We came in a pair. It was hard. Hard being around him when he'd talk about Koyuki and how he couldn't wait to feel her again and how it was so hard being away from the person you love more than anything, and then he'd say "you know?" With his puppy eyes, and I'd just shrug and agree.

The way I'd wished and hoped that it wouldn't last. That somewhere in bokutos head he'd realize she wasn't the one. That they'd get in a fight too big to cool down from. The more I'd wished that the more I felt guilty. Why would I wanna ruin my bestfriends happiness? Why would I wish that to go away?

So when shoyo hinata asked me on a date, I'd excitedly agreed. Finally I could, maybe, forget about the big himbo I'd fallen for. No. In fact that made it worse. I found myself comparing hinata to bokuto. The way hinata walked, the way hinata talked, the way Hinata's touch didn't make my skin burn up quite like bokutos did. Me and hinata didn't last. It was a disease, and I was dying. Being eaten from the inside out. My very heart collapsing in on it self, and when he'd proposed to her. God, the way I cried. The way I ached. The way my chest clenched and the tears finally fell.

"Y/n, what's wrong?! What did I do?" He asked desperately grabbing my wrist as I'd gasped and tried to turn.

"Nothing Bo, I'm so happy for you!! These are happy tears Ko!"

He smiled big and bright. Bokuto wasn't dense. He was more aware of anyone's feelings than he was of his own. Either he saw the pain in my eyes that night and ignored it, or he saw it and in fear of our friendship crumbling right in our hands that night swallowed down what he'd wanted to say. It was the latter.

The day of the wedding finally came. Here I stood, next to my favorite boy. Waiting at the end of the aisle for a girl who was not me. My bestfriend, the boy.. no man I'm in love with. Tearing up as is his wife to be walked closer towards him.

Tears gathered in my eyes and I forced a smile as they fell down my face. Atsumu tapped my shoulder. I turned and he'd held open his arms. I'd buried myself in the tight embrace of the setter who knew. Who knew the story. Who'd held me as I cried many times. Times just like this one. He kisses the the top of my head and I turn back around catching the eyes of bokuto.

After the ceremony everyone had gathered at a venue for the reception. I walked away from the laughter. The buzz of the party and the cheers as the groom dipped the bride and kissed her.

Unfortunately for me, he'd soon noticed my absence and come to find me. "Y/n" he whispered hand closing over my elbow, and a warm, salty tear rolled down my cheek and stopped at the corner of my lip.

I turned away from the salty water washing over my feet, and my toes dug in the sand. "Don't touch me" I tried my hardest to sound determined, but my voice cracked.

"What was it? What does she have that I don't Ko?" I asked. Desperate. Reaching for anything. Grasping at straws.

That's when I looked at him, and his eyes said it all. He was never very good at hiding his emotions. His eyes always gave him away, and he'd known. He knew the whole time. I knew that now.

Lovely Bokuto Kotaro had known all along.

He was quiet for a minute. "You have everything that she has and more." He said what he felt and bokuto never lied. He hates lies I knew that.

"Then why not me? I know you knew. You knew the minute we were sitting in that boba shop and you looked at me staring at your hands interlocked. I know you realised. Then and there." I pulled my elbow away from his hand.

"I love you y/n, just not in the way I love koyuki," he says it so casually as if he'd just told me he'd left my purse on the counter. Not tenderly. Not carefully.

My eyes closed collecting myself, "don't you think I know that Bokuto? Don't you think I've cried over that every night for years? I know you do, and God it's so fucking hard to be happy, and bite my tongue. To swallow down the word vomit, because I love you so fucking much, kotaro. I've loved you since the middle of our second year, but now you've gotta let me go. Leave me behind." I turned back facing him again.

"Please don't ask that of me, you know I can't do that. That'll kill me sweets-" I stopped him and turned to glare at him, "you can't fucking call me that anymore. That's a pet name for lovers, not for a man who is married to use on his bestfriend."

You could hear someone walking towards you guys, "y/n?" You knew that voice. "I'm here tsumu," you sighed. Moving around bokuto and walking closer to the setter. "Just... just.. enjoy you're honeymoon Bokuto, and please let me move on and heal. Congratulations on your marriage"

You smiled softly at him kissing bokuto on the cheek as you took the hand of the blonde. Atsumu smiled down at you, heart beating faster just like yours did the day you made eye contact with bokuto for the very first time.

#bokuto #akaashi keiji #sad angst #hq angst #haikyuu angst #bokuto angst #miya atsumu #atsumu #hq atsumu #hq bokuto #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fic #hinata shoyo #shoyo hinata x reader #bokuto kotaro #hq hinata

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aetheternity · 3 years

Text

Hard pass P6 (Levi x Reader)

Synopsis: Levi is forced out of his comfy dorm room and in a strange twist of events right into your arms at a college party.

(These chapters come later and later and I'm sorry but I do plan on finishing this story.)

Levi plopped against the tree next to Y/N.

"What should we do?" She asked

Despite the unfortunate circumstances and the fact that they'd just finished pummeling down a hill, Levi immediately found that for the first time he wasn't cold. Wasn't a bundle of overactive nerves. Was just..

"Levi?"

"Not bad.."

"Huh?"

Shit he'd said that out loud..

His stomach pulsed as he made eye contact. Her normally comforting gaze a little more panicked. Now it was really starting to click. It was almost completely dark and they didn't have a way of getting back to the lodge.

"I-"

Y/N sighed, surprisingly the beginnings of a smile curved over her lips. "I'm sorry Levi, I know it was your first time and I wanted it to be really special but I doubt it was."

It started with the tips of his ears. Then covered his cheeks down to his snow covered collar and below. He jerked his head away and shut his eyes as her words hit him.

"I was the teacher after all. It's my job to keep my student safe." He blinked his eyes open making eye contact with the clouds.

"Can I be honest with you?" She asked

He blinked slowly before allowing himself a single nod. "Hange put me up to it."

Of course she did..

"And normally I don't want to help people learn things. But you helped me back in the library and I.. I like spending time with you."

The sounds of trees rustling with the window and soft coos of the birds final goodnight fell over them. What was supposed to happen now? What was he supposed to say to that? They were both here leaning against this tree. Eyes locked on each other so..

"I know that this can't be fun though. Not for you at least."

"What?"

"You're clearly the friend that gets dragged into everyone else's messes. All of my crap with Jean, everything Hange does, this trip in general."

She took a deep breath repositioning herself to wrap her arms around the uninjured leg. "And now this.."

Levi huffed scooting himself closer to Y/N with a very shaky arm he pulled her into his chest. "We're gonna get out of this."

She let out a little chuckle accepting the affectionate touch. Her head coming down to rest against Levi's shoulder blade. "No, I know. I just don't know how.."

Levi took a glance around. The world had grown mostly silent. And for once Levi would be thrilled to hear the sound of someone's skis shredding through the impossibly cold ground.

"We shouldn't stay here at least." Levi announced, pushing his weight up against the bark of the tree and shakily standing. He stretched a hand out. "It wouldn't be safe."

"I don't think I can climb back up the hill Levi." Y/N replied though she took his hand.

"It's ok, we'll be together." The words seemingly echoed through the trees even though he didn't say it that loud.

Heat filled his face as he pulled her arm over his shoulders tugging as much of her weight onto him as possible. He didn't realize till he did just how much he underestimated his own injuries. From what he could feel, a couple cuts on his back and neck. It felt like his shoulder could slip out of its socket and he'd definitely bruised his leg in a couple places but he pushed it aside.

"Not too fast ok?"

Levi couldn't tell which was stronger, the unsteady beats of his heart as he held Y/N's hand over his shoulder or the pain that was finally starting to settle from loss of adrenaline.

Now that they were standing Levi noticed a soft yellow light shone in the distance and decided to head towards it. "That's probably the light for the path." Y/N said as if reading Levi's mind.

"If we follow it we might be able to make it back up to the lodge right?" Levi asked

"Maybe.." Y/N paused, a sharp breath exited her lungs. "But who knows how long that'll take. We still don't really know how far away from the lodge we rolled."

"..We don't have a choice."

Pulling her arm around Levi's shoulder again Y/N slowly hopped through thick snow with Levi's guidance.

"Thanks, Levi."

"For what?"

"Not leaving me." She replied, she wrapped her hand around Levi's shoulder giving it a soft pat. "I know I said that you should get help but I'm glad you didn't. It's way darker out here than I thought it would be."

"It was too cold to leave you out here alone."

Y/N laughed, her voice bouncing off the trees with a booming echo. "You're kinda like my savior now huh?" Levi paused, eyebrow raised as he looked into her eyes. "Uh.. ignore me I'm probably losing brain cells from the cold."

"We'll get back as fast as we can.. take your time."

A loud rushing noise shook them from their conversation and Y/N said it before Levi could, "Oh my God, skis!" She practically jumped, "Hey!" She yelled and Levi was endlessly grateful for the sound getting louder.

In the heat of the moment he reached to his right tugging Y/N's waist in a little tighter. The unconscious motion making her send him a smile that sent his blood into the snow.

"Y/N!" Oh God he knew that voice..

"Jean?" Y/N seemed to have a similar reaction. "What're you doing out here in the snow?"

Levi flinched back a little as the unholy light of Jean's phone flashed his face. "Hange and Connie said you hadn't come back to the lodge and it was getting dark. What happened to your leg?" He asked, positioning himself under Y/N's free arm and unlatching his skis.

"Levi's fine too by the way." Y/N replied and even in the thick darkness Levi could see Jean's eyes roll in his head.

"Whatever let's just get back." Jean huffed

"You should've left your attitude back in the lodge or just stayed there in general."

"Really? You wanna start with me right now? When we're staggering up a hill? And you know this would be much faster if you let me carry you."

"I don't need you to carry me, I'm fine staggering." Y/N grunted

"It's fucking freezing out here why can't you just listen to me for once!" Jean fought back.

"I don't!-

"Let him carry you Y/N." Levi felt his pulse drop as both sides of the currently bickering twosome looked back at him with completely different emotions written on their faces. "It'll take us ten times longer to get back if you don't.." He finished

Y/N's eyebrows furrowed and her fingers clenched tighter on Levi's shoulder but eventually she caved. With one arm Jean hoisted her up while the other supported her back. Gently cradling her body. His skis draped in one hand. With the weight gone it was slightly easier to keep pace but seeing the grimace on Y/N's face made his stomach churn.

"Y/N-" Jean began, they finally reached the path again. Almost blinding yellow light leading them back up towards the lodge. The huge brown roof beckoning them back.

"Jean, I'm sorry. I know you only came to help."

Jean let out a sigh, "Listen Y/N, at this rate I'm afraid I'm going to permanently lose you." He said, "I'm so sorry about everything I said last night."

It was as if his chest had been sat on. An uncomfortable squeezing and the harsh tug of Levi's heart strings distracting him as he trudged along tripping on a rock he couldn't see.

Y/N's arm had wrapped themselves around Jean's shoulder, "It's your control issues-"

"No I know and I'm trying."

"I know Jean. I'm glad we can still come together like this even when we fight."

"So then, let's come together as a couple again." Levi paused, sinking in more ways than one.

"Jean.. wha-"

"I want to be your boyfriend again. I love being your friend but I love being your boyfriend more, I was hoping last time when we kissed-"

"Excuse me." Levi pushed past not even thinking about the way he jostled Jean's hold on Y/N. He just sped ahead as quickly as possible.

"Levi!" The sound of his name off Y/N's lips echoed off the trees but he didn't stop for even a second. Not because of the pain. Not when he walked inside without kicking the snow off his boots. Not when he was walking past his room and into Hange's.

He paused in the doorway surprise glinting in Erwin and Hange's eyes from where they were sat watching TV.

"Woah, so did you have fun with Y/N? You know I sent her your way right?" Hange remarked

"Doesn't look like it went well." Erwin replied

"Levi?"

"I'm gonna pack up and head back to the dorms tomorrow." Levi said, yanking his coat off his shoulders and laying it on Hange's bed, seating himself on the edge.

"But we're about to go back soon anyway. You should just stay till the end." Hange suggested, pulling her legs up on the bed to cross them.

"What happened with Y/N this time?" Erwin asked, his tone filled with fatigue.

"There's no point in me staying!" Levi said, ignoring Erwin.

"Oh, but there is!" Hange replied "Kara fucking oke."

Erwin blinked, "English?"

"Japanese." Hange corrected, getting an eye roll from both parties. "No but listen! Sasha says the trip is getting cut short on their end due to Connie having a family matter. And because of Connie's family matter they're all gonna drive back after tomorrow so we're gonna go with them."

"We are?" Erwin asks with a grunt

"It's either that or an expensive ticket back on the train."

"How do you just decide to cut our portion of the trip short because you wanna save money? And what family matter requires that he doesn't leave immediately?"

"Not like you were having the time of your life so who cares if we go back a couple days early." Hange argued "It's his little brother's birthday in three days from tomorrow. "

"I don't care I'm not staying." Levi announced over the ridiculous argument in front of him.

"Look, I don't know what happened out there but if you leave you're gonna miss karaoke."

"Way to row in the wrong direction Hange." Erwin scoffed

"Bite me!"

Erwin sunk back where he was sitting. His back curving and his blonde hair sticking up against the wall. Both arms crossed against his chest.

"Look whatever if you wanna sit in the back of the room and pout or not come and just stay in your room and read all day tomorrow then that's cool. I won't force you to come to karaoke. But just stay." Hange pressed both her hands together in front of Levi's face. "Please!" She begged, crouching in front of him on her knees.

"If you'll get up and shut up fine." Levi huffed, plopping back against the pillows.

Hange smiled, a sense of accomplishment clearly flooding her face. She pushed herself up off the floor mimicking Levi's gesture.

"What's the big deal?" Erwin asked "I feel like you know something we don't."

"Yup." Hange laughed

Day eight

It was 12 pm. 12 pm and the most movement Levi had made today was going to the bathroom. Well that and putting a heating pad in the microwave to place on his back and shoulder. He didn't sleep all night, brain too wracked with hundreds of thoughts. Why'd he have to go and like a girl? He'd always been so content with never dating or falling in love and it'd never steered him wrong before.

And as much as he wanted to hide it when he face timed his mom she was always the first person to see right through him. And then try to give him mom advice. Not that he didn't appreciate it, just really could've lived without it.

But he could never bring himself to tell her. Just nodded along till she finished and said his goodbyes. A drawn out sigh falling off his lips as he laid his phone down. To his own surprise no one had come to check on him all day. Not that it bothered him, Hange and Erwin always came by eventually.

He shut his eyes just wanting the sweet drag of sleep to overtake him at least once today. Though that was asking way too much especially since a couple loud knocks were forcing him back into reality.

"Open!" He called

Of course now when he was trying to drift off was when Hange and Erwin come by, he should've just gone home expensive ticket or not this wasn't-

"Hey.. sorry to bother you." Y/N staggered forward and Levi flipped over onto his stomach without thinking. Pulse in his throat.

"Like it? Jean, Connie and Sasha took me to see a doctor early this morning." She gestured to her foot which was wrapped in what had to be a very sweaty and uncomfortable boot. Levi didn't really know how to respond so he nodded, laying his chin on his hands. "Liar." She whispered with a sweet giggle.

His heart sped along like it always did. Reaching out like it could grab her. Why'd she come? Wouldn't she rather be with Jean? He almost outwardly sucked his teeth at the thought.

She managed to limp her way over to Levi's side sitting next to him on the bed. "How are you doing crash buddy?"

At this point he would prefer to cut to the chase. Ask her why she was really here but when she looked down at him he felt almost intimidated. Stomach coiled in a tight little bow.

"F-fine.." He pouted, burying his face in the sheets.

She laughed. "You look fine." She poked at his shoulder and he lifted his head again.

"Wouldn't you rather be doing karaoke?" He sighed

"No. Cause you're not there." She replied, her hands ghosting over his back. "And why aren't you there? Why'd you leave so fast yesterday?"

Levi shrugged, "Don't like karaoke.."

"And yesterday?"

Levi's slick black hair fluttered over his nose as he turned his head to completely look at her. Pout adorning his features.

Y/N shut her eyes, "I told Jean no." She said simply.

When she opened her eyes it was probably to Levi's slightly parted lips, and sparkling grey eyes. "Wh- I- Why?"

She shrugged, "Cause I have feelings.. for you.."

She paused. Levi paused. The world paused. And every bit of Levi's entire body stopped working. He hoped he didn't look as red as he felt. He wanted so bad to cough or make her repeat or something but the painfully long silence just lingered on.

"I- was it bad that I told you?" She tried

Her face was all scrunched. Eyes shut super tight. One of her gorgeous lips tucked between her front teeth. Her uninjured leg shook and her fingers twisted in the bed sheets.

"Levi, please.. say something.."

"I- uh.." She took a chance looking over at a still processing Levi. "S-say it again.."

She looked away and back again as Levi sat up straight on the bed. "Levi, I have feelings for you."

And finally Levi let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding. "I- Me.. um.. it.." When she laughed again it was much louder, her head flopping down to touch his shoulder which honestly just made his body that much hotter.

"I'm hoping what you're trying to say is me too?"

Levi nodded a little too enthusiastically.

"Can I hug you?"

He nodded again. When she pulled him in it was by the small of his back and he reciprocated in the most Levi way possible. Arms vague as they ghosted over her shoulders and back before finally settling for a similar place as her. Which managed to earn him a little giggle.

"You're so cute." She muttered against his skin.

Levi just shut his eyes an overwhelming warmth flowing through his entire body. He slowly relaxed into the feeling of hugging her. This girl he'd been so entranced by. It felt so perfect just to sit here with her. She liked him? She chose him?

When she pulled back she lingered. Nose almost touching his own. Her sweet scent caught on Levi's nose, her breath tingling his upper lip. And she stayed, so close. So so close to him, like she didn't wanna move away. What was this? He inched away and slowly but surely she backed up with a little smile.

"So." She said "Does this mean you'll be coming to karaoke? You don't have to sing. The fun is watching Connie and Sasha butcher Katy Perry."

"Maybe later.." He replied innocently

"OK." When she pulled him in this time Levi hoped she wouldn't let go. Hoped he could have her pressed so firmly against him for the rest of the day.

But she did go. With the cutest smile and the softest pat to his knee. She left and softly closed his door behind her. Leaving Levi to lay in his bed with a pillow cuddled up against him.

~~~~

Levi did go to karaoke. Did he enjoy it? Unsurprisingly no. Y/N had failed to mention that Connie and Sasha had no clue what harmonizing was. Not to mention Hange's loud screech singing in which Moblit was drowned out and Erwin who had no idea what a key was.

Jean hadn't come. Not that he was complaining.

As much as Connie and Sasha had begged though, Y/N had decided against singing herself. Staying by Levi's side all night which he did enjoy. Ok fine, he enjoyed karaoke a little. Not enough to ever do it again but he wasn't stressed anymore.

And at the near end of the night Y/N gave him another hug that had his toes curling in his shoes. Heart thumping against his chest like a small chorus.

It was such a terrifying and yet perfect combination of different emotions all terribly out of tune and delightful on beat with each other. He hated how much he loved it. And of course he had to leave her. This gorgeous girl that was into him for-

"She was trying to kiss you dumbass!" Hange yelped so loud he was sure cars on the road down the hill heard.

Levi huffed, sliding back in his chair.

"Yeah.. how could you not have realized?" Erwin questions, his hand resting under his chin.

"She wasn't! I would've known if she was."

"How oblivious can one person be?" Hange threw her hands up in disgust.

"She was trying to kiss you, or well she wanted to kiss you." Erwin tried

"Congrats, you have a girlfriend who's gonna dump you cause you can't read a room." Hange scoffed

All Levi heard was he had a girlfriend.

~~~~

Normally Levi was ok with packing up and heading out but the whole morning was endless torture.

Between Erwin sulking about how he would have to get a new bag once they got back and Hange being overly hyper so early in the morning he barely got a second to think over everything and make sure he wasn't missing anything.

At some point Hange just disappeared not that Levi was complaining and Erwin found out about five different things he had to do before leaving. But by 11:00 am they finally all stuffed into the car which was actually worse than it had been when they'd all gone to the grocery store.

Short reason? Some bags couldn't properly fit in the back so bags on laps was the way they were going.

"Promise you'll be back soon?" Moblit asked as he loaded Hange's luggage into the back.

Hange shrugged, "Or you could come visit me."

"When would I have the time?"

They continued on for an ungodly amount of time until Connie finally laid down on the horn startling not only everyone in the car but Moblit and Hange as well.

Y/N glared where she was seated next to Levi and Connie just shrugged, "I just wanna get going." He remarked

"You act like Hange's the one holding us up." Y/N replied

"Where is Jean anyway?" Sasha asked as Hange squeezed Erwin's broad ass shoulders further into the car almost barely closing the door with a huff. "You guys are so cute together." Sasha teased

"Don't start Sasha." Hange replied

Sasha turned with a devious grin, "And you two.."

"Don't start Sasha."

"I bet he's up there crying." Connie snorted

"Stop it Connie." Y/N replied she squeezed Levi's hand a little tighter. From the second they got into the car she'd been pressed up tightly against him and with the edition of Hange they were even closer together. Her arm in his lap.

He tried not to think about it too much but the added heat was so foreign, almost strange. Their fingers were interlocked, their arms were interlocked. It brought a beautiful sense of pleasure to him every time he looked at it.

"I talked to Jean yesterday." Y/N admitted giving Levi's hand another squeeze. "He seemed ok." She said more as though she was trying to convince herself. Nodding even though Levi hadn't said a word.

"He's upset?"

"Who wouldn't be?" Her thumb brushed over Levi's knuckles. "But I know he'll be ok, let's just keep it lowkey around him for now."

The sound of the trunk opening had Y/N and Levi bouncing up in their seats. "Jean boy!" Connie and Sasha called in unison.

"Sasha please, it's already so uncomfortable back here." Erwin said as Sasha tried to pull her arms back down to her sides.

"Y/N could always sit in Levi's lap." Connie giggled getting a laugh from both Hange and Sasha. Though he was shut down by Y/N's piercing glare.

He quickly turned back around in his seat. Soon Jean was piling into the car with one of his smaller bags in his lap before putting it next to Connie.

"Why?" Connie asked with a grunt.

"I can't drive with something in my lap especially since my laptop is in there." Jean replied

"Who told you to bring your laptop?" Connie huffed, repositioning himself with the bag.

"This is gonna be a long trip." Hange sighed as Erwin struggled to put his headphones on next to her.

"Your fault for not filling your car with gas." Levi replied

"Oh? Are you complaining when you've got a pretty girl laying on you over there?" She fought back causing Levi's face to swell with red. Y/N's laughter only fueling his discomfort.

"Hey Jean?" Connie asked in an almost hushed tone. Jean pulled out of the park turning onto the road just as quickly.

"What?" He replied

"Are you cool with this?" He whispered a little lower though it meant nothing because Connie whispering was the equivalent of someone using their inside voice.

"Of course, I'm mature unlike some people." Jean replied side eyeing him.

"Hmm OK Mr. Mature. I'm only asking because we're currently.. ten over the speed limit." He paused as they continued to speed forward. "And we just past a cop car."

(This isn't the last chapter guys! But I do wanna say that I had fun writing this fic. It's the first time in a while where I let myself just toss things in that I genuinely enjoy or would want irl. Also I was rereading chap 3 in preparation for this chapter and I remembered how much I miss writing Mike cause he's the best thing about this fanfic. To me at least. Plus chapter 3 has some of my favorite jokes I've ever written. Nobody commented on them tho so I have no idea if you guys also find the jokes in this fanfic funny. 🤷‍♀️ Anyways thank you guys so much for reading this far it means everything to me and thanks for the sweet comments.)

#levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi x you #attack on titan #snk levi #snk season 4 #levi ackerman x reader #levi aot #hange zoe #erwin smith

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