#I'm in a very slow process of getting my shit back together
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June 21st, 2020. We were in the middle of the first wave of a global pandemic, the entire world turned upside down.
Season 7 of The Clone Wars ended less than two months before. And on that day I did something that would forever change my life.
I joined a rexsoka group chat.
It was a small group, since Tumblr group chats weren't really big to begin with. And it was rexsoka, after all, I remember when we had only about 300 fics on AO3 at the time. I remember being very anxious about joining because I felt that I'm not gonna fit in and no one would like me.
If only I knew...
That moment was the beginning of the biggest rollercoaster of my life, full of both the happiest, and the most heartbreaking memories.
The group chat moved to Discord well before Tumblr removed the bugged and broken feature, to the server owned by the most amazing person I have ever known. The members joined and left, but a portion of the OG members have become my closest friends. We shared secrets with each other that we'd never share with anyone else, we joked, laughed, argued... But we'd still stick together, even if we spent less time interacting.
In the meantime I started drawing again, after being art blocked for years. Even though I will never get close to the most popular artists in the fandom, I was still shocked at the amount of feedback I've received. I will be forever grateful for that.
Then I moved on from reading fics to writing my own stories, and I even collabed on a fic, which I never thought I would do. It was amazing.
Over those 3 years I've done things I never would've expected myself to do before.
Both good and horrible things...
Now, 3 years later, on June 21st, 2023...
I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to believe in anymore...
I kept hurting people, especially those closest to me, and I kept hurting myself.
Those anniversaries were always very important to me, because it was about meeting my dear friends.
But this anniversary...
I will spend attending my very first therapist appointment.
I don't even know what to expect from it, I'm beyond terrified. I'm terrified of the things I have to confess to them. I'm terrified of sharing my story and my problems with them because those memories make my heart bleed. I'm terrified of the diagnosis I might get or that the only "diagnosis" I will get will be the fact that I'm fucked up and just a terrible person in general.
But I have to do it. It's not only for myself, but in the majority it is. Because the only other option I have left would result in my name being put on my grave...
I don't know what will happen on the 4th anniversary. I no longer look into the future with anticipation. The past seems so distant nowadays and the present... Just is.
I want to thank everyone who's left a like, a comment, or a reblog on my posts. I'd like to thank each and every of my followers. I'd especially like to thank all my friends, the ones still around for still putting up with my bullshit, and to those I cannot talk to anymore, for putting up with my bullshit in the past. Thank you for the amazing memories.
And I'm sorry for all the trouble and drama I've caused.
I hope you guys stay healthy.
Maybe once I fix my mental health I'll go back to drawing and writing. And I'll stop being so overdramatic in my posts. And in my life as well.
x
#I haven't checked the blogs of my mutuals in over 6 months and I hate it#because I've missed very important life updates from some of them#I hope you guys are alright#I'm in a very slow process of getting my shit back together#although sometimes it feels like I'm taking two steps back for every step forward#the song I linked is from my favorite artist#and this song perfectly sums up my life right now#it's in Dutch though so you might have to google the translation#I could understand some of it without translating because I'm currently learning Dutch#not that important though#end of tag spam#tumbleweed field
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quiet.
description: heeseung x reader // (slight degradation + praise, fear of being caught, closet sex)
a/n: oh to have a boyfriend like heeseung where the sex never gets boring
heeseung was very particular with sex. he was never satisfied with just fucking, he always insisted on adding onto it with something to fuel the excitement.
he likes tight spaces. he likes recording. he likes quickies. ropes. school uniforms. in a department store changing room. right before class.
heeseung gets turned on when you’re worried you’ll get caught. his cock twitches when you think you can’t take something. he lives out his sexual fantasies by forcing you to be slightly out of your comfort zone.
“you gotta be quiet for me baby” he breathes out right by your ear as you fuck up and down on his dick. you don’t answer and shamelessly bury your face into his neck.
“sounds like you’re losing your mind all over my dick isn’t that right ___?” he teases you again. it wasn’t like you chose to be in this position. forcing you into some random closet of his parent’s huge lake house where all his relatives were running free to celebrate the last day of summer break.
you can’t string any words together with the proximity and fear of being caught, all while feeling so fucking good on his cock. you love fucking heeseung, you love being able to bounce on him over and over. holding onto his broad shoulders and feeling up his arms, having his hands wrap around your waist to guide you up and down. there was no better feeling than this.
he leans back, holding himself up with his forearms digging into the closet floor.
“wanna see your pretty face.” even with that grin, the look in his hooded eyes is dark and alluring. he maintains eye contact while you ride him, then slowly lingering his gaze down your body, making you squirm out of self consciousness. his eyes still once it finally lands on your entrance, seeing you being stretched out by him. he bites his lip to hold back a groan.
“you’re so tight around me ___, so fucking tight.” he watches you move up and down, licking his lips when he sees you leaving a white ring of cream around the base of him. something shifts in his eyes and suddenly he pulls you down to lay flat on his chest, bringing his arms to wrap around your back.
“i’m gonna fuck the shit out of this pussy, ___, i'm gonna fuck the shit out of you” he breathes out heavily, lifting his lower body up to pound into you. you can hardly process the sudden change of position and you let out a sob into shoulders, quickly silencing yourself after realizing where you are.
“i told you to be fucking quiet.” and you partially listen. you can’t help but to keep whimpering, biting onto his shirt to help it as much as possible.
heeseung fucks into you and you can’t do anything but lay on him and take it. he fucks hard and you feel every inch of it. he fucks you at a pace you’d never be able to ride him at and it brings tears to your eyes and all you wanna do is cry out for him.
the closet fills with the sound of you squelching against him and you feel yourself about to let go.
“you better not make a fucking mess ___, know where you are right now.” yet he keeps giving it to you like you need it and you have no choice but to want to cum all over him.
“can’t take it hee” you whimper out, trying to get off of him, and he forces you back down. pressing his hand firmly onto the small of your back and thrusting up into you harder. he kisses the side of your face and you can feel how close he is too.
“i’m gonna cum with you baby, can you cum when i do too my pretty girl?” you nod and whine into him again. he always sweet talks you and drops the mean act when he’s close.
“love you so fucking much, want you to make a mess all over my dick baby. give it to me, want you to cum as hard as you want.”
his brace around you is firm but you feel a change in the way he touches you. his hands are more slow, trying to soak in every part of your body. he kisses the sides of your face, your shoulders. his mouth latches onto your neck and he sucks down on it to quiet himself as well.
“gonn- fuck- cum all in you.” he moans out in between your neck and you lose yourself all over him, feeling your release in every inch of your being, pressing your hand hard over your mouth to not make a noise. your eyes gloss over and you feel your whole body trembling.
he fucks you through your orgasm and sucks hard on your skin, knowing it’ll leave a mark later. it feels too fucking good, too good that you lose all reasoning and call out his name over and over. he lets his mouth go from your neck to breathe out soft groans, not caring about whether you both were too loud anymore. you ride out your orgasm too, both of your bodies moving into each other until you were too tired to move at all.
he’s gorgeous after he cums, his eyes barely opening, collapsing back down onto the ground. he lays like that for a few minutes to catch his breath. once he realizes your eyes on him he brings himself up to make out with you. kissing you hard, moaning a bit into your mouth, all with his cock still inside. he finds yours hands with his and interlocks your fingers, smiling through your kisses. pulling back every once in awhile to admire you all over again.
it takes awhile for you and heeseung to pull yourself together and leave the closet to go back to the family, and your mind starts to wonder where heeseung wants it next.
#heeseung smut#enhypen smut#heeseung x reader#heeseung x you#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#heeseung hard hours#heeseung hard thoughts#enha x reader#enha smut#heeseung imagines
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listen ok I know shit is dire in CAS land (by @somerandomdudelmao) but I had this stupid idea and it's a slow day at work and I type fast so here you go I didn't proofread this at all
I'm sorry I made it silly
Massive spoilers if you haven't read the new CAS update
...
"I can fix it," is a much easier thing to say than to do. Casey's thinking that as he takes long, quick strides through the lair, turning the problem over in his head as fast as he can. He hopes Uncle Tello can't hear the parts of his thoughts that are in a panic, but based on their conversation before he probably can.
Uncle Tello doesn't say anything about it, and Casey kind of wishes he would, just for the reassurance that he's still there.
He's so absorbed in his thoughts he doesn't notice Donnie (the younger Donnie, the physical Donnie) standing in front of him until it's too late and he's already collided with his back. Coffee spills everywhere, though thankfully it only splashes his plastron where he can't get burned.
Younger Donnie whirls, something distinctly murderous in his eye that feels so weird and wrong directed at Casey. It cools only slightly when Donnie processes it wasn't one of his brothers bumping into him, and somehow that feels just as weird, that Donnie has to readjust his feelings to accommodate the unfamiliarity. (He's not family, not to this Donnie.)
"Is something chasing you?" Donnie snaps.
"Uh... no-"
"Is there a fire?"
"No, but-"
"Do you need glasses?"
"I don't... think so?"
"Then watch where you're going!"
He spins on his heel and marches off, toward the kitchen to get more coffee, Casey assumes. For a moment he's left too off kilter and dumbfounded to remember what he was doing.
Then Uncle Tello's voice in his head startles him out of it. What just happened?
Oh, uh... I ran into the other version of you.
Ran into?
Literally. I spilled his coffee.
Ah, and he didn't take it well.
And Casey knows he shouldn't stop for this. Casey knows they may be on limited time and he has to fix this and Uncle Tello shouldn't have to listen to his whining about things that don't matter.
But he's been holding in so many feelings for so long and even if it's just in his head, hearing his uncle's (dad's) voice makes it rush out of him before he can stop it.
I don't think he likes me very much. I touched his shell the other day and he snapped at me. I got mad at him when he touched your tech and that made him mad, too. I don't know how to talk to him.
He doesn't really know how to talk to any of them, is the thing. It used to be the easiest thing in the world, and now it's a wall he hasn't yet learned how to scale.
He can feel his thoughts spiraling against his will. He doesn't have time for this, but the grief and the lack of sleep and the lack of easy affection are all mixing together with the weirdness of it all into a dangerous Molotov cocktail of emotions and he's not sure what will light the fuse.
Casey Jr, says Uncle Tello's voice.
Uncle Tello?
Do you want to see something really funny?
Casey can't help but make a strangled noise at the back of his throat, one that isn't a laugh but isn't a cry either. Something funny?
Yeah. Trust me, it'll be hilarious. Go to my lab.
Casey hesitates. He doesn't let me in there without him...
I feel confident I outrank him. Wait, how old is he?
Sixteen.
Ahhh, that explains it. I know I'm an absolute delight now, but at that age I could be a real pill.
It startles an actual laugh out of Casey. Without arguing further, he rushes to Donnie's lab, quick before he can finish brewing his coffee.
How do I get in?
Is this the subway?
Yeah.
Okay, there's a manual override for the voice lock hidden in one of the wall panels, should be... three to the left, middle of the door. Give that a good knock. Shave and a haircut~
Casey does as directed, and the panel slides back, revealing a flat, glossy keypad.
What's the access code? he asks, feeling like they're on some secret mission now. Maybe it doesn't fall into what people in this time consider normal, but to Casey this is standard stuff. He falls into the rhythm of it like a well loved song.
Oh one one four twenty one twenty seven, says Uncle Tello.
Casey punches it in and the door slides open. He slips inside and hits the button to close and lock the door behind him. Donnie still hasn't returned; the mission is proceeding as planned.
Wasn't that the code for one of the weapons lockers in the old- at base?
Yes, it was. Poor security protocol to reuse codes, I know, but I'm partial to that one.
What is it?
Atomic Lass's birth date. Uncle Tello pauses, then adds, Has he shown you any of the old Atomic Lass episodes of Jupiter Jim?
Uh, no...
Ah, continuing to fail my already low expectations, Teen Tello. Never mind, we'll worry about that later on.
Later on. Right, they shouldn't be doing this, they should be trying to fix Uncle Tello, they should be-
To my computer, Casey Jr! I can't type so you'll have to do it for me.
Uncle Tello's voice pulls him out of his reverie, and he hurries to do as he's told.
Uncle Tello walks him through passwords and then through navigating the OS. It's old and out of date compared to what they had in the future (Donatello's custom OS, better than the hacks at Apple and Microsoft, or so he said), but when Casey had called it old and out of date Donnie had gotten mad about that, too.
Ada Lovelace, this is old, says Uncle Tello's voice now, and incredibly Casey laughs again.
But they find what he's looking for and then input a series of commands into the command line. Casey isn't familiar with all of them, but if he had to guess, they just sent a video from late 2019 to every device in the lair.
Alright, mission accomplished, time to retreat, says Uncle Tello's voice, and he hurries out of the lab, just in time to hear a ping from the phone in his pocket.
He pulls it out and watches the video. It's Donnie, only slightly younger than the teen Casey now lives with, adjusting the camera before grinning and posing in front of it. He's in his lab, though a different one than the one here in the subway. He looks cocky.
He moves further back from the camera so his entire body is framed in its lens, then steps onto a skateboard. He glides in a circle for a moment, then jumps to try and do some kind of trick. Casey doesn't know the name of it, but what he does know is that Donnie's feet get caught in his board, and he ends up tumbling to the floor, crashing in an undignified heap, arms splayed out and face smooshed against the concrete.
It shouldn't be funny.
(It's pretty funny.)
It seems the others echo this sentiment, because suddenly Casey can hear laughter erupting from elsewhere in the lair.
"OMIGOSH! Barry, you gotta watch this!"
"HAHAHAHA BRO ATE SHIT!"
"Hah... Don't worry Donnie, I'm sure you'll get it next ti-hahahahaha!"
There's the sound of scurrying feet, and then Donnie slides into the hall, glaring at Casey who forgot he should be moving away from the crime scene.
"YOU!" he screeches.
Casey freezes. What is he supposed to say? What excuse does he have? The you in my head told me to do it? Yeah right.
Casey does the only sensible thing and turns to run.
Casey Jr?
Uncle Tello!?
What's happening now?
The other you is after me!
Oh. Well. Better run fast.
Casey turns on the speed, sprinting down the corridor and toward the only exit he knows, Donnie hot on his trail.
Why is every younger version of you so scary!?
Oh please, there's no way that scrawny, barely pubescent mess is scary. Have you ever heard his voice crack?
...Well, yeah...
See? Hilarious. And we didn't even have to pull up my browser history.
Okay, but none of this helped us fix anything.
Ah well. One problem at a time.
#dandy fanfiction#rottmnt#cass apocalyptic series#future casey#casey jones jr#future donatello#rise donatello#I'm sorry#I said this was silly but there's angst in here too but it's mainly silly#idk how cass will actually have them be#but in my head future donatello and present donatello exist to antagonize each other
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if you believe in me - 03
summary: Miles is hiding something from you.
wc: ~1500
a/n: Writing this chapter was very enjoyable especially near the end! I think Imma start adding songs to listen to while you read if you want so:
Crush on You - Lil' Kim
Mrs. Postman - Black Pumas
Funkdafied - Da Brat
Hop Out the Van - Offset
Enjoy <3
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"You do this math shit like it’s nothing," you muttered as you watched Miles solve one of the questions from your calculus homework, using his notebook as a flat surface. “What’s your secret?”
At no point did his pencil slow down as neat calculations flew from it like he was on autopilot. Miles even numbered the steps for you.
"The numbers just agree with me," he shrugged, circling his answer on your worksheet for emphasis.
You sat behind him on his bed with pages of homework scattered everywhere. When you draped your arms around his shoulders to lean on him, you felt them tense. Your eyebrows creased in concern.
“You good, baby?”
Miles turned his head slightly, amusement playing on his face.
“That’s a new one.”
“What?”
“ ‘Baby’.”
“You don’t like it?”
You pecked him on the cheek and felt the dimple forming as he smiled. Miles relaxed his shoulders.
“It’s…fine. Thought you’d be a little more creative, though.”
“How about…” you hummed in consideration before taking a glance at Miles’ glasses, which hung from the front of his shirt. “Arthur!”
Unfortunately, your genius was met with complete silence.
“...What?”
“You know, the lil’ aardvark from–”
“I know who Arthur is,” he interrupted. “But why am I him? I don’t follow.”
You fumbled for a moment, having assumed that he would automatically get it.
“Well–Cuz he wears glasses, and all his friends got on his ass for it.”
Miles blinked, remaining unimpressed. You gave up.
“Alright, what about Riley? Like, from ‘The Boondocks’.”
His blank stare remained.
“But what if I take my braids out? Then the joke doesn’t work.”
“Then you’ll be Huey.”
“Come up with somethin’ else.”
You sucked your teeth playfully. “You makin’ this real difficult for no reason. How ‘bout ‘Kilo’?”
His brows knit together. “Who’s ‘Kilo’?”
“Kilo as in kilometers. Because your name…” you trailed off.
You could see the gears turning in his eyes before it finally clicked, and the beginnings of a laugh flashed across his face.
“I’m good, right?”
“You’re mad corny,” Miles said beneath a giggle, attempting to hide his face behind his palm. “Don’t ever say that shit again.”
“Come on, Kilo is cute!”
He shook his head good-naturedly and held up your worksheet. “Finish your homework.”
You tightened your arms around him and refused to move.
“Uh-uh, you gotta gimme a nickname too, now.”
His back deflated in a sigh. “If I give you one, will you focus?”
“Mhm.”
“Fine, I’ll call you…well, what do you wanna be called–? Ow!”
You pouted, and smacked his left shoulder.
“You gotta come up with it yourself, stupid.”
“Alright, alright, I’ll call you…” Miles turned to face you. His wide eyes scanned your features, searching for something to latch onto. “Elf.”
“Excuse me?”
“You got big ears.”
“Miles, stop playin’ with me–”
“What? There are cool elves. Like Zelda.”
“Call me Zelda, then. That's pretty!”
“That's why I asked you first,” Miles said with a lopsided grin. “I'm not good with nicknames, I rather call you your name name. Now, are you gonna finish this problem?”
You groaned in disappointment before taking the pencil and worksheet from him.
“Fine. You’re no fun.”
Seeing the problem-solving process on paper at least made the math easier to get through. Soon you were quiet, brows knit together and lips pursed with focus.
As you worked, Miles watched your twists fall in front of your face each time you tilted your head.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
The warm light of his desk lamp fell on them at such an angle that the oil that had been used on the strands gave them a soft sheen.
Without thinking, he reached over to brush one away from your face, making you flinch in surprise.
“What are you doing?”
“I-uh…” he stuttered, pulling his hand away, “I’m making sure you’re focused.”
You squint. “...Uh-huh.”
Miles looked away awkwardly. “Your hair’s nice.”
“Did ‘em myself,” you replied proudly, and a lightbulb goes off in your head. “Ooh, I could re-do your braids if you ever need fresh ones!”
The boy blinked again, and part of you expected him to outright refuse the offer. But a tiny smile spread across his lips instead.
“I’ll think about it.”
Miles stared at you for a moment, gnawing at his bottom lip like he was hesitating to do something when his phone lit up.
He unlocked it and his brows furrowed; he appeared to be reading something.
Miles glanced at the time, and his stomach dropped:
9:50. How did it get so late?
“Fuck,” he breathed, expression darkening. “Mami, I gotta go. It’s late.”
You sat up and checked your own phone with a wince. “Damn. Your mom left a half hour ago.”
Miles stood and took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck. He said his next words as if they pained him, “Guess we gon’ have to drop you off, then.”
You looked at him warily. “Wait a minute, who’s we?”
-
The worn leather of the car seat made you shift uncomfortably as you sat with your arms crossed. The woody, citrus scent of a cologne that was likely discontinued a decade ago overpowered your senses.
“You sure you don’t wanna sit in the passenger’s seat, Miles?” boomed Uncle Aaron’s deep voice over a Da Brat track turned up too loud.
“I’m good,” Miles called out next to you. “Let’s roll.”
As the engine of the vintage car revved beneath you, you glanced behind you at what was in the trunk. You raised an eyebrow at the tarp that covered…whatever the hell was in there.
Miles didn’t talk about his uncle often, but the murkiness that seeped into his voice and the hardness in his eyes every time he said “my uncle” didn’t exactly endear you to the man.
“You live a couple blocks from here, right miss?” He addressed you politely.
“She has a name, tío,” his nephew interrupted with a laugh.
“My fault, my fault,” Aaron chuckled. “What’s your name? Maybe I know your folks.”
“Y/N L/N,” you answered. You kept the distaste out of your voice, raising it an octave.
The red traffic light illuminated the man’s long face when he turned to you.
“L/N,” he pondered the surname, before nodding in recognition. “I went to high school with your momma! She doin’ alright?”
It’s too dark for Aaron to see you press your lips together before answering, “She’s doing fine, thanks for asking.”
“Did every adult within a ten-mile radius go to the same high school?” Miles asked.
“Wasn’t nowhere else to go without moving to Jersey, might as well have.”
Nowhere else to go that they could afford, you added mentally.
The image of the tall, bulky man that appeared on television to announce things once in a while materializes in your mind’s eye.
His small, bald head is almost engulfed by his hulking boxy figure. Ever since he became mayor, you started seeing more fancy coffee shops pop up, all square and painted white. Nothing ever changed on your side of the pond, though. Your mother always shook her head solemnly when he announced some new project, or budget, or whatever.
Miles shifted in his seat, and the clank of metal from his backpack pulled you away from your thoughts. You turned to him with an amused look.
“What’s in your bag? It sure don’t sound like school books.”
He froze, and an oppressive silence suddenly descended upon the three of you as you quickly realized that you had said something you weren’t supposed to.
He and Aaron shared a quick glance, and you caught an eyebrow raise from the latter. Miles blurted out, “Robotics club stuff. I finish all our competition entries at Unc’s house ‘cuz it’s more space over there.”
You nodded slowly. When he scanned your face for a reaction, you knew you had just been lied to.
“That’s cool,” you replied pleasantly. “You should show me one of your projects sometime!”
Anger simmers in your chest watching him sigh quietly with relief. Barely a week, and he seemed to be proving Tianna right.
An automated voice chimed, “Your destination is on the right.”
The car slowed to a halt as Uncle Aaron pulled over.
“That’s me,” you announce, unbuckling your seatbelt and sliding your bag over your shoulders.
“Get home safe, Y/N.”
“You too, Mr. Davis. G’night, Miles.”
You don’t look back at him before shutting the car door behind you.
And then there were two.
“I told you to make sure Rio takes her home,” Aaron sighed, massaging his temples.
“I know, I know,” Miles thrust his hands into his pockets. “I lost track of time.”
“Forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your neck.”
“You think she believe me?”
Aaron looked his nephew in the eye through the rear-view mirror.
“Imma be honest witchu, man, that girl ain’t stupid. She ain’t believe shit you just said.”
“I’m that bad of a liar?”
The man laughed heartily.
“It’s not even about that, man. Can’t lie to your girl. That’s rule number one.”
Miles frowned. “The hell was I supposed to tell her? I had to lie.”
“Exactly. You put yourself in a position to have to lie,” Aaron explained as he began to pull away from your house. “Don’t make it a habit. You ready?”
Miles pulled up the red mask he had on beneath his chin, concealing the lower half of his face. “Born ready.”
#miles morales x reader#earth 42 miles x reader#earth 42 miles morales x reader#miles morales x black!reader#miles g morales x reader#moralesanhour
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@mayoigotokurousagi LAST ONE OF YOURS here's Jin!!!
Jin is. . .he's a lot sweeter than you'd expect once his affinity gets high lol. . . . I FEEL LIKE I ENDED UP WITH A LOT OF COMMENTARY HERE. . .he just acts very different as affinity goes up, i have to point shit out haha
If you've got a message(no affinity required):
"Hey, you've got mail. Don't tell me you're not going to open it.
What if it was for me?"
おい、手紙。放っとくつもりじゃねぇだろうな。
俺宛があったらどうすんだ？ あ？
Jin, why would your mail be in my. . .whatever
No affinity required:
"Kneel!
Tsk... Where's {PC}? Bring her to my room."
跪け！
……チッ。あの女はどこだ。今すぐ俺の部屋に連れてこい
"What? Your schedule's not my problem. Just arrange it around me."
あ？ お前の都合なんて知らねぇ。黙って俺に合わせてりゃいいんだよ
Affinity 1:
"...Huh? I don't want to see your face at the crack of dawn.
Get out."
……あ？寝起きから、その面見せんな……
下がってろ
given how vulgar his speech is sometimes i'm surprised he didn't say "asscrack of dawn"
Affinity 2
"Tell the chef I'm not in the mood for meat today."
……シェフに伝えろ。今日は肉の気分じゃねぇってな
Affinity 4:
"Put my dinner over there. I'll eat later if I feel like it."
ディナーはそこに置いておけ。気が向いたら食っておく
i am once again asking the ghouls to FUCKING EAT PROPER MEALS.
Affinity 6
"A Class C anomaly?
Miss me with that weak shit.
Why do you think we have a Vice Captain?"
あ？ Ｃ級怪異？
つまんねぇことに俺を巻き込むな。
何のために副寮長がいるんだ？
MISS ME WITH THAT WEAK SHIT I AM IN TEARS WHO TAUGHT YOU TO TALK LIKE THAT. . . .
Affinity 7
"What about class? Ha. What makes you think you can lecture me? Worry about yourself."
……授業の時間？ ハッ、俺に説教とはいい度胸じゃねぇか。お前は自分の心配でもしてろ
Affinity 9
"Bianerus!
...I'm not feeling it today. You can go."
＜ビアネルス＞
…………チッ。調子が悪い。今日はもう下がれ
Affinity 12
"...I'm hungry. Go order lunch. For two."
……腹が減ったな。おい、ランチの手配をしろ。２人分だ
i guarantee you the pc did not consider that he meant "i want to eat lunch with you" the first time this happened. she probably just thought "damn jin's hungry today."
Affinity 13
"You have plans?
Take a second and really think about whether your plans are more important than me before you open that mouth again."
今日は都合が悪い？
……俺より優先する価値があるか、よく考えてから口を開け
Affinity 16
"Why do you look so worn out? If you're going to serve me, learn how to take better care of yourself.
Tohma, take her to the infirmary."
おい下僕、なんだその顔色は。俺に仕えるなら体調管理は万全にしろ。
塔真、こいつを保健室に運んでこい
why the infirmary. . .i don't think she needs a doctor i think she needs a nap. You're overworking her didn't Taiga tell you not to break her you donut
Affinity 17
"It's still early...
You want to practice the waltz? Bold, aren't you?
You're going to be sore tomorrow."
まだこんな時間か。
ワルツの練習？……生意気に催促しやがって。
覚悟しろよ。お前は明日、筋肉痛だ
are we still. . .talking about the. . .dancing. . . .
Affinity 18
"You want to dine with me?
Ha. All right. Show me if you've learned anything."
お前と俺が、ディナーを一緒に？
ハッ、面白ぇ。お手並み拝見といこうか
Affinity 19
"It's quiet tonight... Sit here, next to me.
We're playing a duet. Don't give me that look.
You'll know this song."
今夜は静かだな……隣に座れ。
連弾だ。そんな顔すんじゃねぇよ。
……お前も知ってる曲だ
i would like to add that the expression he makes during this one is described as pouting and acting like a spoiled child. He's holding your wrist and pulling you a bit, trying to get you to sit next to him. . .telling you you're going to play piano together. . .he wants to play a song you know. Maybe even a song you like. So. . .please spend time with him. Together. Not under his command, but. . .with him.
Please?
Affinity 20
"Waking me up every morning was your idea, so I'd better see you here tomorrow too.
That's an order."
ルーティンにしたのは���前だろ。責任取って、明日も起こしに来い。
……これは命令だ
how quickly we go from "i don't wanna see your face first thing in the morning" to "i had better see your face every morning". . . .
(it's not quickly at all. it's actually an incredibly slow process getting affinity up.)
Affinity 21
"...I was too active yesterday.
Massage me, servant.
...What the hell was that? Put some muscle into it."
チッ。昨日は体を動かしすぎたな。
下僕、次はマッサージだ。
……足りねぇよ。もっと強く押せ
i love this one he's just like bitch what the fuck kinda weak ass massage is that put some back into it?????
Affinity 22
"You don't know about dining etiquette?
I don't have time for this... If you want me to teach you, I better see that nose on the grindstone."
テーブルマナーがわからない？
面倒くせぇ……俺に教わるからにはそれ相応の覚悟があんだろうな？
we are reaching critical levels of "i need to make you presentable so you can meet my father"
Affinity 23
"What's that? My helicopter, obviously. Quit gawking and get in."
俺のヘリだ。見たらわかんだろ。……いいから、さっさと乗れ
get in servant idk where we're going but you are going with me
Affinity 24
"I've got plans early tomorrow. Your house is too far.
Stay here tonight."
明日は早朝から用事がある。お前が寝泊まりしてる寮からじゃ間に合わねぇかもな。
今夜は、ここに泊まれ
another expression note. . .he's looking away and putting his hand on the back of his neck here. He's shy, almost. Because he's not asking you to stay over to perform some task. It's not your usual master-servant dynamic. He just wants you close to him. As close as possible. He really is rather sweet.
Affinity 25(max)
"Never learn, do you? I don't take you being here for granted.
I know it won't last forever. That's all I'm going to say."
懲りないやつだな。言っておくが、こうやってお前が隣にいること……
俺は、永遠に続くとは思ってねぇぞ
Jin makes a sad face when he says it won't last forever. Now if only I had the means to see that expression. Someday. Maybe. He knows that once your curse is broken you'll probably go back to your ordinary life. If your curse can't be broken you'll die. And if you, for some reason, continue to stay at Darkwick even after being cured, he'll be a fourth year next year--he's gonna go off to do field work. Eventually he'll work in the highest levels of Darkwick's industrial complex and eventually he'll take his father's place as the president. With all of this, there's no way you'll be able to be together, no matter what. This is a short lived burst of happiness and attachment for him. It means a lot more to him than you realize.
Spring
"(yawn)
What's with that look? I'm not allowed to yawn?"
ふぁっ……
あ？ 何だその顔は。俺があくびして悪ぃか？
"The flowers you can see from the balcony? Yeah, I had them planted.
...My mother liked them."
バルコニーから見える花……？ああ、俺が植えさせた。
…………お袋が好きだった花だ
"Sunset's supposed to be nice this time of year.
Come on, servant. Before I change my mind."
春茜か……おい下僕、少し外に出る。
俺の気が変わる前に付き合えよ
"You're going to see the cherry blossoms tonight with the brats?
Suit yourself. I doubt any of you can appreciate them."
あ？ ガキどもと夜桜を見に行く？
勝手にしろ。お前らに、あの風情がわかるとは思えねぇけどな
Summer
"Those little shits are so loud this morning... They're worse than the cicadas.
Tohma, go exterminate them."
クソ、朝からガキどもがうるせぇ。
塔真、あのセミより鬱陶しい奴らを駆除してこい
MODS, PUT 'EM IN THE BLENDER.
"What kind of moron chooses to go out in the sun this time of year?
Unless you want your brain to melt, stay here with me."
わざわざこの時期、日を浴びようなんて奴は馬鹿しかいねぇ。
お前も脳みそ溶かしたくなきゃ、ここにいろ
jin. . .this is frostheim. it is PERMANENTLY WINTER here, even to the point of that the day-night timing doesn't change. It's not hot unless we leave the boundaries of frostheim. . . .
"You've got tickets to a fireworks festival?
The view's better from a helicopter. ...You've got guts thinking you can show me a good time, peasant."
あ？ 花火大会の観覧席チケット？
花火はヘリから見るもんだろ。庶民の分際で俺を誘いやがって……
'peasant' is worse than 'servant' in my opinion. . . .
"Haven't heard the sound of waves for a while...
Get the speedboat. I'll drive."
しばらく波の音も聞いてねぇな……
おい、今すぐクルーザーを出せ。操縦は俺がする
jin just shoving you into various vehicles to take you places is really funny to me for some reason. you're like his purse dog. he just wants to take you everywhere even if it doesn't really benefit him to do so.
Autumn
"I overworked myself. Go get Tohma.
I was right having him get that PT license.
I should have you get one too."
塔真を呼べ、オーバーワークした。
あいつに整体の資格を取らせたのは正解だったな。
下僕、お前も取るか
. . .doesn't that take like three years minimum in japan. . .how did you get him to get that. . .didn't he only meet you like two and a half years ago and you weren't even in the same house then. . .is that a darkwick offered course. . . .
"A pumpkin spice latte?
I'm not drinking this saccharine garbage. Give the rest to the brats."
あ？ パンプキンスパイスラテ？
こんな甘ったるい茶は飲まねぇよ。残りはガキどもにやっとけ
what do you think he is, a basic bitch like you?
"My favorite family vacation? Don't have one.
This conversation is over."
行楽の思い出？そんなもんねぇよ。
……この話は終わりだ
"I don't play the piano because I like it. It's just force of habit."
別に、ピアノが好きで弾いてるわけじゃねぇよ。ただの惰性だ
Winter
"...Don't fucking wake me up. Come back later."
……起こすんじゃねぇ。話なら後にしろ
he hates the heat he hates the cold. . .well he also hates mornings in general. . . .
"Why is my name on this snowman?
Tohma, give me your gloves. Whichever half-wit made this has shit for eyes."
なんで雪だるまに、俺の名前が？
……塔真、手袋を貸せ。これ作った奴の目は、確実に腐ってやがんな
"is that supposed to be me. . .? aw hell no i am fixing this shit"
"Tell the chef and the brats we're having a roast dinner tomorrow.
Kobe beef. They know how I like it."
明日はローストディナーだ、シェフとガキどもに言っとけ。
肉は神戸牛でな。焼き加減はわかってるはずだ
i like that the frostheim ghouls eat dinner together like a family. . .jin looks at Kaito and Lucas and goes 'those are my idiot sons. i cannot stand them.'
"You're staying here tonight, servant. I'll show you an aurora you couldn't even dream of."
下僕、今夜は泊まれ。最上級のオーロラを見せてやる
see how this is worded differently from when he asks you to stay over because 'your house is too far away'? even when he's trying to be sweet to you, as long as he maintains your power imbalance he feels comfortable--he has something over you here--but trying to lay his feelings bare, just saying 'i want you to stay with me', that's so much more than he's used to saying.
His birthday
"A birthday party? This has Tohma written all over it, that asshole's always using me to—
You're planning it?
...I'll think about it."
誕生日パーティー？ 塔真の奴、また俺を客寄せに使って……
違う？お前が主催？
……気が向いたらな
Your birthday
"The song I just played?
It's G. F. Handel. He wrote it for the queen's birthday."
さっき弾いた曲？……Ｇ．Ｆ．ヘンデルが、女王の誕生日に送った曲だ
in case you don't get the significance of what he's saying here. . .lemme fetch one of Tohma's lines for you--
"I'm no more than a servant. Frostheim is ruled by a king, you see."
私はあくまで小間使いですよ。フロストハイムには、キングがいますから
my dude I think jin just called you his queen--only for your birthday though don't get cocky, servant
New Years
"Hope you're ready for another year being at beck and call, servant.
First up, my New Year's courtesy calls. Go do them for me."
おい、下僕。今年も俺専用の女中として必死に尽くせよ。
まずは新年の挨拶回りだ。代わりに行ってこい
'happy new year! your purpose is still serving me.'
Valentine's Day
"What's that sad-looking box you're holding?
...Oh. No, don't throw it away.
I'll take it."
なんだ？ この貧相な包みは。
……ああ、そういうことか。
捨てなくていい。受け取ってやるよ
jin is one of those characters who probably gets a mountain of chocolates given to him by admirers, all brand name and like from famous confectioners and shit. real nice fancy packages. so he sees your shitty little unprofessional homemade thing and is like 'tf is that' before he realizes it's for him and it's made with love and he just. . .ah. no, i want that, actually.
April Fool's Day
"Hey, are you all right?
...Tsk. If that was a joke, it wasn't fucking funny.
I've changed my mind. Cancel all my plans for the day."
おい、お前大丈夫か？
……チッ。質の悪ぃ嘘だな……
気が変わった。今日の予定はすべてキャンセルだ
i feel like Jin is about to put together the most elaborate prank and it's gonna hurt someone's feelings or get somebody hurt and no one will find it funny and he'll end up feeling super shitty. like that one spongebob episode.
Halloween
"Where the hell's Tohma? Asshole sent the brats to my room to beg for candy.
Next time I see him I'm going to wring his fucking neck."
クソ……塔真はどこだ。俺の部屋に籠持ったガキども寄こしやがって。
あいつ……ぶっ殺すぞ……
okay but did you give them candy?
Christmas
"Go tell Tohma what color dress you're wearing tonight.
Why?
Maybe I'll wear a matching ascot tie. If I feel like it."
今夜着るドレスの色を塔真に伝えておけ。
あ？ 理由？
気が向いたらアスコットタイの色を合わせてやる
Idle
"Shit... This is throwing me off.
Who does that servant think she is?"
……クソ……調子が狂う。
下僕の分際で、舐めやがって……
he feels so wrong without you next to him aw
Absent for an extended period of time?
"...You've got guts abandoning your place at my back, servant.
I'm going to have to retrain you."
…………っ、おい……下僕は常に主人の後ろにいるもんだろうが。
お前は再教育だ
ONCE AGAIN IT FEELS LIKE I PUT NEARLY ALL OF THEM IN. . .the way he treats the pc in so many different ways but it makes sense with his character and feelings. . .as far as the home screen lines go, Jin definitely loves you in some capacity. He's actually quite clingy. . .i'm a little too sleepy for more coherent thought haha
#tokyo debunker#jin kamurai#tokyo debunker spoilers#datamining cw#danie yells at tokyo debunker#THE REST WILL ONLY BE IN ENGLISH unless requested otherwise i guess#it is midnight and i have a dr's appt tomorrow and i did not sleep well last night so. might get some sleep before the next ones.#i feel like i'm losing comprehension. so sleep would be smart.
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Oh Baby!
Summery: Pedro Pascal and reader are in a relationship. Pedro's career is sky rocketing and reader also has a demanding job. Throw in an unexpected pregnancy and well...... shit!
Warnings: Swearing, Pedro being and not being an asshole (you'll see). Use of Y/N.
Italics indicate inward thinking.
Gripping the edges of the bathroom sink, you take slow, deep breaths to steady your breathing, while your mind is going into overdrive. Your chest feels tight and your legs are like jelly. Slowly you raise your head to stare at you reflection in the mirror. You don't even feel like yourself right now, almost like you're having an out of body experience. Reality suddenly feels foreign to you, like you're trapped in a surreal dream. But this is no dream. It's real, oh it's definitely real. The two red lines on the four pregnancy tests sitting on the under sink cabinet can attest to that! "Shit," you mutter quietly, still looking at yourself in disbelief. "This can't be happening." It wasn't supposed to happen . You'd been on the pill for two years and always used extra protection if you had antibiotics. You were always so careful, but careful obviously wasn't careful enough. How would you even begin to tell Pedro that you're carrying his baby? How would he react? Your mind keeps replaying one specific interview of his you'd seen. "I don't even have kids. And I'm not gonna!" His words exactly.
He'd mentioned to you once that his hectic work schedule doesn't allow time for kids, and honestly it wasn't high on your priority list either. Your job as an editor is very demanding and sometimes trickles into your home life. Both you and Pedro had grown accustom the stresses and scarifies you've both had to make over the past couple of years when it comes to your jobs, but you'd both made it work and were happy and comfortable together. But adding a baby into the mix just seemed impossible. You try to remember your last period but you'd been so busy with work lately that you hadn't even noticed you'd missed..... shit, two! Two periods. It was only the past few days of constant queasiness and dizzy spells that led you to suspect what you'd hoped wouldn't be true. But here you are, the "truth" staring right back at you. "Oh my god," you whimpered while rubbing your hands over your face, "Fuck, what now?!"
You try your best to keep it together but you can't contain the rush of different emotions that are encompassing you at this moment and the tears begin to fall. It's exhausting trying to process everything you're feeling; fear and uncertainty but also a gravitation and protectiveness you've never felt before. This baby was certainly not planned and you couldn't deny that you wished the tests were negative, but knowing that it's definitely there has awakened an instinct in you that has always been present but dormant, just waiting to be unleashed. How is it possible to want and not want it at the same time? Will Pedro want it? Will he be mad? Pedro had been away for two weeks filming for a new advert and had a photo shoot straight after so he'd be away for another two weeks, at least. You both video called each other every day. You'd always looked forward to it but the thought of today's impending call left your stomach in knots! There was no way you could tell him something so life changing over the phone. You'd just have to keep it yourself until he gets home and try your best to act normal when talking to him.
It turns out pretending nothing had changed wasn't that difficult for the next week. Maybe it was because of the distance and the fact that you could make up an excuse to end the call when your anxiety began to creep in. But in one week's time he'd be home and you know it'll be harder to act nonchalant around him, especially now that your lower belly has started to swell slightly. Slight enough that you could blame it on junk food if he noticed, but it's only going to get bigger. After a long day at work, you finally get to relax for the evening, settling down to watch one of your favourite shows. Leaning back into the settee you found yourself gently smoothing your palm over the curve of your abdomen, wondering just how much would change in the coming months and how Pedro would take the news. You still struggled to get your head around it yourself but now that you've had time to think, you know there's no way you'd get rid of it, no matter what happened. Well, I have one more week to figure out how I'm going to tell him, you ruminate..... or so you thought.
"Y/N I'm home." Pedro called out as the front door slammed shut. You shot up off the settee faster than a rocket as Pedro walked into the living room with a wide grin. You stood frozen to the spot as he dropped his bags and rushed over to you, picking you up in a tight hug. With the fervour of a man touch starved he kissed you as if he hadn't kissed you in years, deep and sultry. You instantly dissolve into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Wow," you whispered breathlessly as you pull away to look into his eyes. "Missed me that much, huh?" You teasingly ask, trying to sound as though your heart isn't beating a million miles an hour. "What do you think?" he relied with a smirk, setting you back down. "How are you home so soon?" You hope your question did come across the wrong way. Of course you're thrilled that he's home. You always loved it when he returned home earlier than expected, and it happened so rarely that usually you'd be on cloud nine, but this one time you wished you had that week. A week where you could prepare for every eventuality. "We were ahead of schedule for once. I thought I'd surprise you instead of calling ahead." Your silent stare made Pedro chuckle, his soft eyes creasing at the corners. "That surprised, are you?"
You suddenly realise how off your reaction must seem to him and quickly collect yourself before he can think any more of it. "I just wasn't expecting you so soon. Great surprise though!" you smile genuinely as you tip toe to kiss the end of his nose. "I really missed you. How was it?" "Oh you know, early mornings, late nights, hours of hair and make up, retake after retake, blah blah blah....," Pedro trailed off while waving his hand in the air dismissively. "How have you been sweetheart?" He asked while stroking down the curve of your back. I've missed you like hell." "Yeah I've.... I've been fine. Works been fine." Your voice ever so slightly, nervously shook at his question, making you cringe inwardly but luckily he didn't seem to notice your change in tone. "Well, you go unpack and I'll make us something to eat," you offered, trying to keep your composure, even though you felt like a deer caught in headlights. As Pedro heads to the bedroom to unpack you hurry into the kitchen and pour a glass of water to quell your nerves. Not quite the same effect as alcohol, you huff inwardly.
You get to work preparing Chilean Avocado sandwiches, as it's one of Pedro's favourite foods. But after only a few seconds you are hit with a strong bought of nausea from the smell and lunge towards the sink, making it there just in time. After violently retching up what not only felt like the contents of your stomach, but also every organ in your body into the sink you are startled by a warm and gentle hand rubbing your back. "You okay, baby?" "Oh fuck!" You turn swiftly, wiping your mouth with a tea towel. "Uh... yeah... must be a virus or something. It's going around. My sister's kids had it last week." You hated lying to Pedro. Well, it was half a lie; Your nieces and nephew did have a bug last week but you know that this is definitely not a virus. Pedro looked at you with a creased brow, clearly concerned. "Why don't you go lie down? I'll take care of this," he suggested, looking over at the ingredients on the kitchen counter. When he realised you were making his one of his favourite's he turned to you with an adoring smile.
"Aww, you were making my favourite sandwich, thank you darling." "Anything for you, baby," you lovingly reply, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I think I will go and lie down for a bit." you concede. "A bit" actually lasted until the next morning. Your body felt heavy and exhausted as you dragged yourself out of bed for work. The next three days were hard going. The morning sickness began each morning from the moment you woke up, getting stronger every day. Pedro became more and more worried asking, no begging you to call in sick for work. But each day you'd insisted you didn't feel that bad. The truth was you felt like shit! The unabating nausea and fatigue left you feeling on edge, knowing you can't keep this a secret for much longer. He's going to figure it out any day now or at least suspect, your anxious mind keeps telling you. By the evening of the third day Pedro couldn't take the worry anymore. "You've been ill for three days Y/N," he observed, uneasily, while sitting beside you on the bed, his hand caressing your cheek. "If you're no better in the morning you have to see the doctor." His face betrayed the apprehension he's feeling. "Ped, no I'm fine-" "You're not fine and you're starting to worry me." He cut you off in an urgent but not angry tone. "I'll drag you there if I have to." "Okay, Okay. I'll go," you groggily reply with a small smile. Relieved, Pedro leaned down to kiss your forehead. "Get some sleep baby. I'll check on you in a bit."
And with that he walked out of the room, leaving the door ajar. You closed you eyes and sighed. You knew this time would come. The time when you'd have to spill the beans, as they say. You weren't entirely ready for it but you have no choice now. You know he'll make you go to the doctor tomorrow and you can't use work as an excuse to worm your way out of it since it's one of your days off. You have to tell him tomorrow. The next hour was spent pondering what you would say to him and all the different ways he might react. Eventually, exhausted both physically and mentally you drift off into an uneasy sleep.
******
"You're what?!" Pedro's voice reached a pitch you didn't realise he was capable of. His earthy brown eyes were as wide as saucers and his jaw hung slack. Your eyes dart to your feet as you feel your cheeks burn and your fingers begin to tap the sides of your hips in anticipation. "I'm.... pregnant," you repeated, voice shaking. "I don't know what happened. The pill has never failed in the past-" "We'll it fucking has now, hasn't it!" He shot you a choleric look. "Or maybe you just weren't careful." "Excuse me?!" You snapped back with furrowed brows. "Don't you dare blame this on me. I never missed one pill and we always used extra protection when needed. You know that!" "I don't know anything right now!" Pedro shouted through his hands which were now rubbing his face in exasperation. "Well I didn't make this baby all by myself so don't put this all on me!" Hot tears begin to cascade down your cheeks despite your best efforts to hold them back. "I just.... FUCK!" Pedro cried out, booting one of the kitchen stools, making you jump.
"We can't do this. I can't do this." "Well it's too late now," you huff at him with your arms folded across your chest. "Not if we don't want it to be," he stated flatly. Your eyes widened and your heart clenched at his cold demeanour, causing you to instinctively place your hands across the small swell of your belly in protection. "I'm not getting rid of it Ped. I.... I can't," you exclaimed. "Y/N," Pedro sighed, shaking his head "This would change our lives completely. Neither one of us has the time for such a huge commitment and-" "I don't care," you cut him off sharply, fixing him with daggers. "I'm not getting rid of it. If it means I have to work part time then it's something I'm prepared to do." Pedro threw his head back to look at the ceiling, seemingly annoyed at your obstinate determination. You continue, "Weather we like it or not this is happening and we need -" "No it's not." He quickly stated, with finality. You stare at him dumbfounded. "What?!" "I'm not doing this. If you want to keep it you'll have to do it alone. I never wanted this and you know it." He returned your own words to you with clear contempt.
You open your mouth to say something, anything but words have now failed you. Your brain is unable to form a coherent sentence as the realisation of his words hit you like a punch to your gut. You feel numb as your heart shatters piercing your soul. He can't mean it! He's just upset, you try to rationalise internally, still to shocked to speak. Pedro turned away from you, grabbed his car keys off the kitchen island and stormed to the front door. "Make sure you're gone before I get back," he demanded in an emotionless tone. Seeing him walk away from you, immediately loosened your frozen tongue. "Baby wait!" you sobbed after him as he slammed the door shut without a backward glance. You instantly drop to your knees on the cold kitchen tiles, embracing yourself as your grief becomes unbearable. Your head begins to spin as you try to suck in deep breaths. It's no use. The despair is now consuming you, seeping into every crevice of your being, gripping you and tearing you apart. "Y/N?" You continue to sob. "Y/N?!" The familiar voice sounds muffled through your tormented cries and you can feel phantom hands gently shaking your shoulders. "Y/N?! Baby wake up, wake up. Look at me!"
You gasp as your eyes snap open. You are met with concerned caramel eyes, glowing in the dim lamp light. Pedro was leaning over your body, holding onto both of your shoulders. "It's okay. It was just a bad dream," Pedro soothed you while cupping your cheek. The feel of his warm skin against yours brought a sense of calm to your confused and distressed state, helping you to catch your breath. He sat up, slowly pulling you up with him. "Jesus Christ, you scared the hell out of me. What the hell happened?" he asked nervously as he wiped away a mixture of cold sweat and tears that had soaked your face. "I...," your voice gave out as you realised it was nothing more than a nightmare and the man you love is right here beside you. "I... can't remember." Your voice didn't sound convincing at all, and Pedro's raised eyebrow told you that he wasn't convinced either. "You're pretty shaken up sweetheart. You can tell me." "It's just a blur now." You choke out, wrapping an arm around his broad, tanned chest and leaning into his shoulder. "Okay," Pedro replied, still sounding unsure. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you snuggle into his neck as you both lay back down. You wrap your arm and legs around him like a baby koala, desperate for some comfort and reassurance that he indeed hasn't left you. "I've got you," he whispered, while holding you firmly and stroking your hair. "Let's go back to sleep."
*****
The sunlight spills in as the curtains lazily blow due to the partially open window. Your eyelids are heavy from the lack of sleep. Groaning you turn to the bedside table to check the time. 11:30am. "Shit," you mumble while rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You never sleep this late. You throw the quilt off and sit up slowly, the nausea returning as you do. Downstairs you can hear Pedro in the kitchen. "Okay, let's get this over with," you sigh, knowing you can no longer avoid the inevitable. As you approach the kitchen you stop and lean against the door frame with your arms crossed. Pedro's back is to you and you take the opportunity to just watch him, appreciate him and contemplate just how much you love him. A small smile tugs at the corners of your mouth as you just absorb the mere presence of him. But as soon as the smile appears it evaporates as the nausea increases momentarily, pulling you back to the here and now, reminding you of what you must do. In a few minutes everything will drastically change for the both of you.
Images from last night's dream flash before you, making your heart race slightly and your palms sweaty. A part of you knows deep down that Pedro would never treat you so cruelly and walk out on you, but it would be a lie to say the dream didn't shake you and make you feel somewhat apprehensive at this moment. "Hey darling," Pedro smiles as he turns to see you idling in the doorway. "How long have you been standing there?" "Not long," you shrug with a wan smile. He set his coffee mug on the counter and walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. In return you run your hands up his arms, gently holding onto his triceps. "How are you feeling?" He asks with a creased brow. "Okay." An obvious lie. "Why didn't you wake me?" "Figured you needed some extra time since you didn't sleep much last night. I felt you toss and turn all night long." Worry and unease laced his voice. A few moments of silence pass before you clear your throat. "Baby, can we talk?" "About what?" he enquires with trepidation. "Just come with me," you exhale softly as you lead him by his hand into the living room to sit next to you on the settee.
With a deep breath you turn to face him, and feel your heartbeat quicken while twitching your fingers in your lap. A nervous habit of your that Pedro knows all to well. He places his soft palm over your fumbling hands to calm you. "You're making me nervous Y/N. Please just tell me what's wrong," he all but begs you. "I uh... I don't know how else to say this so I'll just say it..... I'm pregnant." Shock adorns Pedro's features as his hand slips off of yours. The cold feeling of emptiness where his warm hand had just been resting caused your breath to catch in your chest. You couldn't hold his gaze any longer and dropped your head, anxiety threatening to consume you. You wait with a sense of dread for his possibly angry or fearful reaction but are caught off guard when he delicately takes both of your hands in his, causing you to look up at him in anticipation. "Are you sure?" He whispers, his voice shaking slightly. "Yes," you nod. "I took four tests...all positive. I'm so sorry...." You began to ramble, "I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't know how it did. I know you never wanted-" "Hey, hey shhhh.... take a breath." Pedro cooed as he pulled you into his chest, cupping the back of your head with one hand and smoothing up and down your back with the other.
You begin to weep desperately as the past weeks' tension and worry finally break through the mental and emotional dam you had built within. "I'm sorry," you wail into his shoulder, chest shuddering as you try to regain some semblance of self control. Pedro cradles both of your cheeks in his hands and pulls you upright to look into your weary eyes. "Why are you apologising? Last time I checked it takes two to make a baby. You are no more responsible for this than I am, so please stop saying you're sorry." Your breaths become less laboured as his thumbs smooth small circles over your cheeks, the action soothing and reassuring. "It's just.... I know you never wanted kids..." You begin in a slightly exhausted tone. "I just don't know what else to say except.... I'm sorry." Pedro takes a a deep breath. "It's true I've never seen myself becoming a dad, and I never would have purposely had a baby," you look down and nod in understanding, feeling guilty for putting him in this situation. "But..." He tilt's your chin up to make eye contact with you again. "If it was going to happen, I'd only want it to happen with you."
The sincerity of his words took you by surprise. "Really?" You ask astonished. "Really." he assures you. "Is this why you've been acting so strange and been so sick lately?" You gulp and nod once. "How long have you known?" "A couple of weeks," you confess quietly. "And you kept it to yourself all this time?" It was more of a statement than a question. "You should have told me straight away. You never should have had to go through this alone," Pedro said with a hint of sadness in his voice. "I was scared" You admit somewhat timidly. "I was scared of what this would mean for us. I was scared because I want to keep it." Pedro smiled softly. "You know I'll support you no matter what, right?" "I know." A relieved smile made it way onto your face. "Was what happened last night anything to do with this?" Pedro questioned while reaching for your hand. "Yeah, but it doesn't matter now." You try to shrug the question off. "Tell me. I wanna know." "You.... you got angry," you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. "You blamed me, told me I'd have to do this alone and... you left."
Pedro's shoulders slumped as you finished speaking. "You didn't think I'd actually do something like that, did you?" The hurt in his voice was clear and it broke your heart. "No! no of course not," you cut in quickly. It wasn't a lie. You know what kind of man Pedro is and that he'd never hurt you like that. "I guess it was just all the stress and worry coming out in that dream. I know you and I know you love me. I know you'd never do anything like that." His face visibly relaxed hearing you confirm what he already knew to be true. "I do love you, baby. I know this is a huge change but we'll make it work. I promise." "I just don't want you to ever resent me or feel trapped-" "Shhhh..." he gently interrupted. "I could never feel that way, okay?" His voice left no room for any doubt. "I love you so much," you exclaimed, eyes beginning to fill again, but this time from relief and happiness. "I love you too, darling," Pedro whispered as he pressed his lips to yours. After several seconds he pulls away to look down at your belly, noticing the tiny bump through your pyjama top for the first time. "Can I?" He asks almost shyly. "You don't ever need to ask," you laugh with adoration. You take his hand and gently place it over the swell of your belly, watching as his eyes widen in amazement. "Wow!" He breathes out in awe. You both look at each other, eyes conveying the love you have for one another and now for this little one. The stress that had plagued you for the past two weeks began to dissipate like fog being burned away by the sun. The uncertainty of such a life altering future hung in the air but you know that together you can both handle whatever that future brings.
Oh Mama A Continuation
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Part 1: Love letters to Matthew (m.s.)
summary: matt never felt the same way until he finally did.
warnings: very very slow burn. this is a long read, go get a snack! if you don't like reading, don't read it. ALSO, i have one shots based of this story. Their little moments leading up to the reader and matt confessing their feelings for each other. Let me know if you all are interested! enjoy my little bored mind.
A/N: Hi, before you continue reading this story, please be aware that I wrote this work of mine two years ago for my creative writing. It's my baby, and I hold it close to my heart. I lost inspiration for it a while back, but now I'm sharing it with the world. This is a long read because it's the entire story in two post. (Part 2 is posted). It's in no way connected or affiliated with Matt Sturniolo. I just made him the character because he fits the character's personality, and I needed to envision someone while I continued writing it, so I thought, why not?
word count: 27,231k
"If I could choose to live anywhere in the world, I would still choose to live here," she remarked, passing the bowl of Cheetos to Matt. "I mean, I could also pick a place in Sweden, somewhere in Northern Europe, but who could leave Massachusetts?"
Matt, sprawled out on the couch with the TV playing in the background, shrugged. "You could," he replied, smiling down at her. "Come on, don't be so negative. You can't possibly stay here forever."
"Why not? What's wrong with here?" She asked, standing up. She was now facing Matt, and a change of heart suddenly took hold. "I mean, I guess you're right." She flopped down next to him once more, sighing. "Do you think we'll ever fulfill our dreams and go to Europe together?"
"Of course, you idiot. We will, don't worry about it too much," he reassured her, glancing at her. It was the 19th day of December, a snowy day in the Bay State, and excitement was in the air. Airports were busier than usual, which meant one thing: Christmas was just around the corner.
September 2023
"Damn it," she cursed as she unpacked her suitcase. It was September, with summer in the process of ending and fall about to arrive. She couldn't believe her parents had thrown a "party" to welcome her back from her two-month long vacation. Before leaving, she had made it crystal clear that she didn't want any crazy shit, but it turned out that Luke had talked to her parents behind her back while she was spending time with him abroad. She glanced at the poster on her wall once again and whispered with a smile, "That idiot."
Luke.
The boy with light brown eyes reminiscent of autumn leaves, the one who swam throughout college, briefly dropped out, and then returned to college. He was the boy she met at Samantha's birthday party, the one her little cousin had a crush on - Luke.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized frantically, searching for the green tissue pack in her little bag while setting the glass of beer on a nearby table. Her white shirt was now stained with liquor, which was just great. The embarrassment of the situation was overwhelming, leaving her unable to think straight.
"No worries," Luke chuckled, clearly taken aback by the unexpected encounter. "I should've been more careful."
She handed him the tissues, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "That was so embarrassing. I'm truly sorry," she said with a sheepish smile.
"Don't worry about it. It’ll dry," he replied with a reassuring smile.
In that moment, she wished she could vanish into the ground, hoping some higher being might intervene and make it happen right there and right then.
"I’m going to miss you so much," Luke sighed, embracing her from behind.
She turned to face him, her expression softening. "Me too, but we'll see each other again on Christmas, okay?"
"That's a long time. I'll really really miss you," he admitted with a sad smile.
"Oh, shut up. You're probably tired of seeing my face every day," she giggled while still unpacking her suitcase.
"I could never. I love you too much." He chuckled, shaking his head.
"That's a nice touch," she pointed at her wall, changing the subject.
"You like it? Your mom helped me," he replied, smiling at her.
"Ya’ll are so dramatic," she chuckled.
Welcome back! – Haley, Mom, & Dad
After that fateful night in March when she met Luke, she had slowly stopped composing letters to Matthew altogether. The dynamics of her relationships with him had shifted, leaving behind a stack of handwritten words that now belonged to the past.
Matt.
Matt, with eyes as blue as a warm sunny day's sky, was someone she could lose herself in. He was the boy she loved so deeply that if her heart were torn from her chest, his name would be etched there. Matthew, the only one she had ever loved before Luke.
During the summer of ’20, she came to the realization that she had developed a crush on her best friend. On the night he drove her home, she silently prayed for God to make her feelings for him disappear. It seemed absurd; this was Matt, her very own Matt, her dearest friend in the world, and she was in love with him.
As they both grew older, she began to perceive him in a new way. He underwent changes; growing out his hair became something she loved. His height increased too. Whenever she sees him, a permanent smile adorned his face, and she found herself deeply and irrevocably in love with him. Everything he did captivated her, particularly the moment he slept on her shoulder in the car. It was ridiculous how loudly her heart throbbed at that time.
"Do you think they'll mind if it's just the two of us, Matt?" she asked, settling into the passenger seat.
"Why? We've done this plenty of times before; they'll be okay," he reassured her, quieting her with a gentle shush as he started the car.
On the day they left for LA, tears streamed down her face, staining Nick's shirt. "We'll be back for Thanksgiving, you goof," he reassured her.
No matter if it was for Christmas or her birthday, she didn’t care but the fact that her best friends were leaving at that moment weighed heavily on her. "You’re moving to the other side of the country, and I’m heading to college," she sniffled, the airport surroundings continued to add to her gloom.
Chris, empathetic, offered her a comforting a hug. "The other side of the country is crazy,” he said. "You can visit us, you know."
Her response came with a hint of frustration, "I'll be in college, Chris."
With a warm smile, Chris reassured her, “You can visit us during breaks. We're just one flight away."
She gazed at Matt, noticing his pink cheeks. "Everything's going to be okay. We'll see each other again in no time," he smiled sadly at her. She wanted to believe Matt wholeheartedly, as she always did, but deep down, she knew that things would never be the same.
August 23, 2021
Dear Matt, I miss you all so much. Mom and Dad just dropped me off at college, and my roommate, Samantha seems nice. She's from San Diego. You don't think my Boston accent is interesting, do you? She keeps saying it is, but I don't think so. I hope you're having a blast over there. I know you are. I really wish you were here. I miss you the most. Massachusetts sucks without you guys.
September 15, 2021
Dear Matthew,
I already miss you. It's funny; we just spoke on the phone, and here I am writing you a letter already. You sounded really happy, which makes me happy too. By the way, I just realized I brought Nick's shirt with me and your white hoodie too!! I didn't mention it earlier because I thought you might want them back. Haha.
Anyway, I can't wait for Fall; maybe we can visit a pumpkin patch. I know how much you love those. I'm looking forward to seeing you and everyone. Homesickness is setting in, and I miss home, especially you. I miss you the most.
P.S. Samantha thinks Nate is cute, but I don't think she’s his type.
The days went by, and she found herself missing him even more. The calls and texts lessened, she became busier, and Matt was texting her when she was at class and would reply to her when she was face down on the bed, asleep.
She struggled to admit it, but the Instagram posts featuring their new friends tugged at her heartstrings with a sense of longing. She couldn’t shake the feeling of being left out, as if life was in full swing without her presence, playing out somewhere in Southern California with her friends and the love of her life, while she sat alone at UMass, eating a sandwich in the cafeteria. She yearned to turn back time to those carefree 9th-grade days, where she’d laugh at Chris’s antics in class or when Matt and Nick would whisk her away for impromptu beach adventures.
September 28, 2021
Dear Matt,
I saw a guy today who I thought looked just like you in an ice cream shop while I was out with my friend. I think I might be losing my mind. College is going pretty well so far. Alahna sent me a snap from early 2021 last night, and it was of you getting annoyed at Nick because he had the megaphone while we were in the drive-thru. It was so funny. I thought you looked great that night, but then again, when did you ever not? Congratulations on hitting 4 million!
Oh, and does Chris have a crush on Natalie? Never mind, I'll ask him about it later. I miss you guys so much.
Years had passed since she last laid eyes on the photos that adorned the walls of her childhood bedroom. The pink and white paint of the room served as a poignant reminder of the unrequited love that had once consumed her heart.
The photos of her, Matt, and their friends playing in the snow, or the selfies Nick snapped during sleepovers when Chris and Matt would crash on the floor of Nick's room - memories she cherished dearly. The thought of past Thanksgiving gatherings tugged at her heartstrings, recalling how he'd tower over her at the table, his tender touches igniting a warmth in her skin. She loved Matt deeply, more than words could express.
October 11, 2021
Dear Matt,
I got my hair cut today. It felt weird. I was going to take a selfie to send it to you, but I got shy. I hope you're doing well over there. I heard you guys went to a party; Nick won't stop talking about it, lol.
I can't believe it's been months since I last saw you in person, even though I saw you the other day through a video call, it's just not the same... Time is flying by.
Also, Chloe just passed her driving lessons. I wish you guys were here to see it. I know she texted Nick about it, but still, I miss you, Matthew. Anyway, I'll text you later. I have this professor who's very old, and he hates late students.
She did see them on Thanksgiving, and she couldn't forget how Matt looked. Those moments made her question how she could go on with her life, knowing he was completely oblivious to her deep feelings for him. She hated herself for falling in love with him. It was a realization that left her feeling stupid.
November 30, 2021
Dear Matthew,
You looked absolutely handsome at dinner last week. I couldn't help but wonder how LA gets to see you like that every day without turning the whole state upside down. You mentioned missing me, but I'm pretty sure I missed you even more. It's odd that Mom keeps talking about how much taller you've grown, because she should have expected that. Yesterday, when you brought up about meeting a girl, my heart sank. I believe you genuinely like her. I didn't want to ask more because I didn't want to be too obvious, but I think Chris saw my smile disappear. He was kind enough not to ask about it though so it’s all good.
Why do I still miss you even when you're sleeping right beside me on the couch? It's as if you're so far away.
It was early August 2022 when she paid them a visit in California for their birthday. She could recall every detail – the weather, the ride from the airport, and the woman in his arms.
She had faced numerous challenges before, like the time she had to carry Samantha, who was far too drunk for her own good, or when Chris begged her to retrieve his backpack in subzero temperatures. However, this situation felt entirely different. As the doors swung open, she yearned to be anywhere but there – perhaps back in her small dorm room in Boston.
From within, she could hear the voices and music, the uproar of celebration and delight. Outside, the soft hum of Los Angeles traffic persisted as cars rushed by. Yet, above all else, she swore she could hear the unrelenting rhythm of her own heartbeat, as if it were the only thing keeping her grounded in that moment.
The woman was already there, wearing a warm smile, eagerly awaiting her boyfriend Matt's arrival. She couldn't help but admire Matt's taste, as in that moment, she found the woman to be stunning. With her dark blonde hair, brown eyes, and a height of 5'3, she gave off an endearing aura that she effortlessly carried with her. The woman greeted everyone with an open-hearted smile, embracing her as if they were long-lost friends reuniting after a decade apart.
"Hi! It's so great to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you," the woman's voice was flawless, yet there was a hollow feeling within her. She genuinely liked the woman and had an inkling that she would become a significant presence in their lives for quite some time to come.
Her gaze fixed on Matt, a mixture of confusion and hurt in her eyes. How was it possible that he hadn't disclosed that he had a girlfriend? Those nights when he would call her, those were the very nights she longed to be in his arms, not realizing they had already been spent with someone else.
That night was etched in her memory, a vivid recollection of the moment she had realized it was impossible for her to remain friends with him. She couldn't maintain their friendship, not while she was overwhelmed with sadness while he was immersed in happiness.
December 6, 2021
Dear Matt,
Today, I spent the day baking cookies with Haley but the real takeaway is being back in Boston and just one car ride away from you.
Weird, Nick brought up the name of the girl you're talking to, and it took me by surprise a little because you never mentioned her to me. I could sense Chris was giving me the stare, like he knows something, but that's just Chris, right?
It was a scene she had seen countless times before, both in movies and in real life – the clichéd tale of falling in love with your best friend and the inevitable heartbreak that followed.
There he sat, a picture of handsomeness in the midst of the kitchen, so immersed in what he's doing that he only noticed her staring when he looked up and playfully asked, "Any boys I should know about?" She chuckled, finding Matt's question entirely characteristic of his random sense of humor.
"No one, Matt," she replied, rolling her eyes with a smile. Inside, she thought, "It's only you. It was only ever you."
"I find that hard to believe," he said, casting a shy glance her way, his smile never wavering.
She pressed, "And why is that?"
"Because you're..." he started, his voice trailing off, leaving the unspoken feelings hanging in the air between them.
"…because you're amazing. You're good at baking cookies and-"
"Please, shut the fuck up, Matthew," she blushed, looking away.
"It's true! Ask Chris. He thinks you have a college boyfriend you’re not telling us about," he defended himself.
"Well, Chris is stupid," a small frown appeared on her face.
"Hey, I heard that!" She looked toward the boy sitting on the couch in the living room. "Shut up, Chris, Nick is sleeping."
She was standing over the kitchen counter, finishing the gifts she had prepared for her cousins and parents. She rolled her eyes, feeling a bit exasperated. "You're all so dramatic; I'm trying to do something here, fucks sake.”
"Let me help you with that. I'm almost done with this," Matt offered, standing beside her. His proximity alone nearly sent her into a frenzy.
He was incredibly touchy with her, and it only added to the intimacy of their connection. His frequent and intimate touches with her left her in a state of confusion. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was normal for best friends to share such physically intimate moments like this.
"You're terrible at this," he chuckled.
"Whatever Matt," she grumbled, continuing to tape the wrapper.
He leaned even closer, almost putting his entire weight on her. "Matt, you’re so annoying! Get off me," she exclaimed.
Years later, she learned that Chris had glanced at them, shaking his head in bemusement, and thinking about how oblivious his brother Matt was to her feelings. Chris couldn’t help but realize how deeply in love she was with his brother, even if she had never voiced it. She didn’t need to, Chris thought.
August 2022
She felt stuck in place. In that moment, she felt like time had frozen. Her feet glued to the ground.
The realization hit her like a ton of bricks - he had a girlfriend, all this time, and no one had told her. It was a profound sense of betrayal and feeling forgotten, it didn't matter that their relationship is just starting, she had loved Matt for years!
It was as if she wasn't worthy of knowing this crucial piece of information about the person she had secretly loved for so long, even though he didn't know he was the love of her life. The waves of emotion threatened to make her sick, but she managed to maintain her composure.
Chris remained by her side throughout the entire party, his friendly nudges and conversation attempts providing a comforting presence. "You know, I still can't believe you're here," he remarked, genuine surprise in his voice. "It's only been a couple of months, right?"
"Only a couple of months, Chris," she confirmed, her gaze fixed on her drink.
"I missed you so much. We all did. It felt like forever since the last time I saw you," Chris continued, offering a playful smile.
She managed a smile in response, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. She kept her thoughts to herself, silently yearning for the familiar comforts of Boston, even though it no longer felt like home. In truth, nothing felt like home as long as Matt was in the arms of another. Chris could see through her facade. He understood the reason behind her dull mood, realizing it was linked to the presence of two specific individuals in the room. However, he respected her feelings enough not to confront her about it here and now, choosing to let her navigate her emotions in her own time
The days seemed to stretch on, with summer taking hold. Matt's girlfriend had flown back home to Florida, they were back to their old routine, but her heart couldn’t forget the feelings she had buried deep within.
They drove her to their favorite restaurants and shops in L.A., but the nagging ache in her heart persisted. With her pretending to enjoy the days while ignoring the sinking feeling that gnawed at her treacherous heart, she tried to be as cheerful as possible before her return to the East Coast.
Until one particular car ride with Nick and Chris temporarily absent and inside Ralph's, she couldn't keep her feelings bottled up any longer and decided to have a heart-to-heart with Matt. It was a brief respite from the facade of happiness she had been trying to maintain.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It all happened so fast," he said, his eyes pleading for her to meet his gaze.
She cut him off, "It doesn't matter, Matt. I guess I just felt really sad that you didn't tell me. I'm your best friend, for heaven's sake." She fought back the urge to cry, keeping her emotions expertly concealed.
"I'm sorry, okay? It all happened in a whirlwind, and suddenly, you were on a flight from Boston to L.A.…," he trailed off. "Plus, I wanted it to be a surprise." He sheepishly smiled.
"God, Matt," she whispered, genuinely taken aback by the revelation.
She continued, "It's okay, it's all in the past now. I was surprised, no doubt."
She smiled, rolled her eyes, and forced a lighter tone into her voice. "So, tell me about her. Where did you guys meet?"
He chuckled, sensing that things were somewhat getting back to normal, but it was never quite the same, she thought to herself.
The night before she left for Boston, they drove and explored the city once more, just the two of them. Chris seemed too tired to join, and Nick had editing work to do.
"I wanted to take you here. It's one of the best viewpoints in L.A.," Matt explained, his excitement palpable.
"What, Griffith Park?" she replied, laughing. "You mean the spot from GTA, right?"
"Yeah, exactly. We used to play that game, remember?" he smiled down at her, feeling nostalgic.
How could she forget?
After several minutes of driving, Matt parked the car, and a heavy silence hung between them, no one seemingly wanted to step out. "Thanks for spending your summer here. It means a lot... That you're here," he expressed, looking at her with his blue eyes that shone through the Los Angeles darkness, seemingly even brighter than the city lights.
"Of course, anything for you guys," she replied, breaking their eye contact, and shifting her gaze to the dashboard in front of her. How could he do this to her? How could he not know? She wished she could freeze this moment in time, his face looking so soft in the gentle glow of the traffic lights. His tired eyes and tousled hair that had always made her heart leap and now, she felt like she could cry right there; she loved him so much and he didn’t know. She also wished she could tuck this memory away in the pockets of her thrifted yellow dress.
Tonight felt different, marking the end of summer, and they were both a year older. They weren't 19 anymore, and yet, she remained deeply in love with him.
~
Nicolas Sturniolo was a smart man, and his brothers secretly admired him for it, even if they would never openly admit it. Of course, he noticed the lingering glances she directed at Matt but never said anything. Nick believed that Matt had informed her about his girlfriend months before she arrived in LA but was shocked upon learning that his brother didn't. That explained the sudden change of mood he'd seen with her at the party.
The older brother had always had an inkling about it since they were young, ever since Matt hadn't asked her to prom. He remembered how she had waited for Matt to notice her new hairstyle, and when Matt already did compliment her, Nick swore he saw her smile so big it could light up the entire school that day. Nick thought his brother Chris was dense, but Matt was on a different level.
He had brought up the subject with Matt once, while they were in line at TSA, just before a flight to California, a mere 7-hour journey away. "You do realize she's in love with you, right?"
"What?" Matt's brows furrowed; genuine confusion etched on his face.
"Come on, Matt. We all know she's had a crush on you since high school," Nick exclaimed, adjusting his backpack.
"That's not true, Nick," Matt responded, shaking his head in disbelief. He found the idea ridiculous.
"Whatever, Matt. You guys are both stupid. I see the way you look at her, and I see how she looks at you. What's holding you back?" Nick shrugged.
"Because we're just friends, Nick? Can't two people of the opposite sex be friends?" Matt retorted, feeling exasperated.
"Okay, Matt, we get it," Chris chimed in, adding his two cents. "We're just telling you what we see."
As Nick appeared impatient and tired of the conversation, and Chris pretending to not care, Matt pushed the thought to the back of his mind.
December 18, 2021
The sight of you on my porch brought me immense happiness. Dad was yelling, which woke me up, and he said you guys were at the front door. Honestly, that pie was incredible; I couldn't believe you three made it.
I wanted to thank you for joining me today. I understand you're not a fan of walking in the snow, but I loved every moment of it.
Christmas is just around the corner, and it's only a matter of days now.
I often wonder if you notice how frequently I steal glances at you whenever I have the chance.
As I sit here writing this, I’m looking at the Christmas gift I got you. It's a necklace. It might seem cliché, but I genuinely hope it brings a smile to your face whenever you see it.
~
She held onto the memory of that day, those tense days after learning he had a girlfriend and before the car confrontation.
"Are you planning to sleep on the couch?" Matt asked.
"I am," she stubbornly insisted.
"Come on, you're our guest; you can sleep in my bed," Chris mumbled with a mouthful of chips.
"And have you sleep here on the couch? No way, Chris," she replied firmly.
Nick chuckled, watching Matt's obliviousness. How could his brother not realize that she was upset with him?
"Alright, then we'll both sleep in my bed," Chris suggested, glancing at Matt for his reaction.
Matt was puzzled. They always shared his bed, so what was the issue now?
Snatching the blanket Nick had given her, she hurried downstairs to reach Chris's room.
Matt's jaw hung open. "What did I do?" he mumbled, frowning at his brothers.
Nick shook his head, grinning. "I'm off to bed. Matt, quit being stupid."
"What?" Matt looked to Chris for answers. Chris shrugged, "I guess she just wanted to sleep in my bed tonight, Matt."
"But-"
"Goodnight, Maaaatt," Chris sang, leaving Matt bewildered and hurt.
"But she always sleeps with me," he whispered to himself, still trying to make sense of the unexpected change.
Lying in Chris's bed that night, she silently yearned for divine intervention. Avoiding eye contact with Matt as she passed by him on her way downstairs, she couldn't ignore the confusion and hurt etched across his face. Deep down, she desperately wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him that things were alright.
It was unusual for her to sleep in Chris's bed, given that she always slept in Matt's, so the sudden change had caught Matt off guard. She was aware of it, but at that moment, her anger towards him outweighed her care.
Earlier that day, Madi had teased her about her apparent coldness toward Matt when they were getting tacos in Melrose. It seemed that everyone had noticed her subtle avoidance of his touches and comments, leading to hushed discussions among their friends.
She was also certain that Chris was a light sleeper. He didn't snore, but he definitely woke easily.
"Couldn't sleep?" Chris whispered, turning to face her.
"Yeah, too much on my mind," she replied, exhaling wearily.
The stillness of the night, combined with their exhaustion, allowed for a comforting silence to settle between them. A beat passed, "Why don't you just tell him?" Chris suggested, his voice barely audible. She couldn't see her best friend, but she sensed the sadness in his gaze.
"Tell him what, Chris?" she deflected, shutting her eyes.
"You're not fooling anyone, you know? You might fool my stupid brother but you can’t fool me and Nick," he remarked, adjusting himself under the covers.
Silence descended once more, but this time, it felt oddly reassuring knowing that one of her closest friends was aware.
"It doesn't matter. He would shut me out."
"No, he won't. He genuinely cares about you, and you know it," Chris assured her. While Chris might not be privy to his brother Matt's true feelings, whether he reciprocated them or not, one thing was certain: Matt cared deeply for her, more than she could ever comprehend.
"It's also different now that he has a girlfriend. I don't think she'd appreciate me sharing a bed with her boyfriend. It's more about respect," she added.
Chris disregarded her attempt to change the subject and pressed on, "Matt loves you, bro. If he ever shuts you out for telling him how you feel, then he's an idiot. You have me and Nick by your side forever. If you never tell him, you'll never get the chance to express your feelings."
“You guys should talk.” He added.
"I don't think I'm ready, but I'll think about it," she replied, her exhaustion evident in her voice.
Chris nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He understood the weight of the emotions she was carrying.
"Of course, at your own pace."
"Chris?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you."
"Anything for you, kid."
In the quiet of that night, as dreams and sleep intertwined, she found solace in the knowledge that Chris, her closest friend, understood the depths of her emotions. It was a small source of comfort amid the uncertainty that had clouded her heart.
As they both drifted into slumber, she imagined a future where everything would fall into place, where she could openly express her feelings to the boy upstairs. In the warm embrace of their Los Angeles home, she held onto the hope that the friendship that she shared with Matt would weather these feelings she has for him.
January 10, 2022
Dear Matt,
I have to say, you can be pretty stubborn. I warned you not to visit me and bring me food because I’d probably end up puking it all out (eww), and now you’ve gone and caught the cold too. Now everyone’s infected!
But you know what? You bringing me food made my heart leap, I’m pretty sure you know how to make me fall in love with you even more. Nick texted me earlier that he and Chris have lost their sense of taste because of Covid, but you seem to be fine already so you’re making them try different drinks.
I’m feeling a lot better now and I’ve tested negative for Covid, thankfully. Still, I’m dreading the day I go back to school. Ugh.
Alahna mentioned about wanting to visit you guys, but I know deep down she just wanted to see Chris. Haha.
Just so you know Matt, I love you. I think you probably know that already, but I wanted to say it anyway here.
She was certain that Matthew Sturniolo was going to be the death of her. The mischievous boy had cornered her against the kitchen counter, removing the chocolate residue that Nick had playfully smeared across her forehead. It was a sticky, gross mess, but Matt was attentively cleaning it up with a wet face towel. And there he stood, in all his splendid glory – tall and handsome. Nick and Chris's laughter in the background only intensified the fluttering of her heart.
"There, all gone," he confirmed, a warm smile gracing his features, the kind of smile that always had the power to weaken her knees.
"You're such an idiot, Nick," she scowled, avoiding Matt as she walked toward the center of the room.
"What? It kinda suits you," Nick replied, and the hearty laughter of Chris and Matt filled the room.
She flashed a playful smile. "Whatever. Are you guys ready to go?" she asked, her impatience showing.
The car ride proceeded as usual, with Matt behind the wheel and Chris in the passenger seat, en route to Chloe's house for a swim and to meet their other friends. The broken AUX meant the soft tunes of the radio filled the air, harmonizing with the breezy Boston weather.
"Matt, if you don't put me down, I'll kill you!" she screamed.
"Come on, it's not that serious," he laughed, making his way towards the pool.
"I don't care! Seriously, Matt, don't do thi-" But before she could finish her sentence, she found herself submerged in the pool.
"You're such an asshole," she grumbled, retaliating by splashing water at him. He chuckled and swam away.
A few feet away, Chris was engrossed in conversation with Nate about an Amazon package he had ordered, while Nick sat nearby, casually nodding and occasionally chiming in.
When she turned her attention back to Matt, he quickly splashed water on her face again. "Stop it. I mean it," her voice carried a trace of laughter.
"Okay, okay." Matt gazed at her for a moment, his smile fading.
"What?" she grumbled, feeling a twinge of self-consciousness under his gaze.
"Nothing. You're just really pretty," he said.
Moments like this only added to her confusion about where she stood in his life. Her heart skipped a beat, and she was momentarily taken aback, but she was swift to respond and hide her feelings. "Yeah, pretty annoyed at you," she said, pinching her nose to hide the forming blush.
Matt shook his head, a warm chuckle escaping his lips. He decided not to delve further into the matter. Why was he acting like this?
They lingered at the pool for a few more minutes. Matt's intimate touches making her melt, and his constant glances at her lips only added to the simmering heat of the Massachusetts summer.
The ride back home was interesting, she couldn't ignore the flutter of anticipation mixed with uncertainty that had settled in her heart. The day had been filled with subtle gestures and flirty remarks, leaving her wondering if their friendship was tiptoeing towards something more.
That night, when everyone had returned to the boys' home and a drowsy Matt lay beside her, she allowed herself to sleep soundly, knowing that something was undeniably changing between them.
February 3, 2022
Dear Matt,
I watched with Sam your new video. Chris mentioned about a little dinner you guys will have later, I’m so sad. I wish I was there. Anyway, Nick is Sam’s favorite. I couldn’t help but agree. Haha.
I know you’re busy with like stuff there and me too. My professors are killing me with these projects and assignments, also, I learned matcha helps with anxiety. I’ll have you taste it next time we see each other.
Also, you keep asking me why I’m sad, I didn’t think you would notice. How do I tell you, Matt, that the reason I’m sad is because I love you?
March 14, 2022
It has been so busy lately, oh my god. I lost my trusty pen because we moved dorms, but it’s all good now. I got so much work to do with finals coming up as well.
Anyway, I saw your tiktok with Nick today. You looked really cute with the Eeyore shirt, and I’m glad you’re still wearing that necklace I gave you last Christmas.
I miss you Matt. I’ll text you later when I’m done with class.
The car ride to IHOP proved to be quite intriguing, to say the least. Chris had evidently concocted a few surprises before their departure to California and before Spring break came to an end, forcing her to return to Morrissey Blvd.
Matt seemed unusually cheerful that day, expressing his desire to take her out, as well as everyone back home, for a little treat.
In that moment, it almost felt like things were back to the way they used to be. She occupied the passenger seat, engaged in a playful argument with Chris over control of the aux cord. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Matt, his amusement evident as he fought the urge to break into a broad smile.
As Nick and Chris hurried to enter the house after Matt had parked the car at their Somerville home, he prevented her from getting out. Matt fixed his gaze on her, a gentle smile dancing across his face, as he softly uttered, "I really missed you."
There he was again, stirring emotions within her, clouding her thoughts. "Me too," she responded shyly.
"Truth is, I wanted to spend the day with you, alone," he admitted, rolling his eyes playfully. "But I couldn't say no to them."
"That's okay."
A brief silence settled between them.
"What's on your mind, Matt?" She furrowed her brow, sensing that he had something he wanted to say something.
"Nothing. I'm just happy I'm home..." He trailed off, his voice carrying a hint of longing. "Seeing you, being here... with you."
Inside, she silently pleaded with him, "Don't do this to me, Matt. Don't say these things and expect me not to fall in love with you."
"Why? Has LA not been treating you well?" She pressed.
"No, no, LA's great," he replied, offering a smile before shifting his gaze towards their small garage at home.
"What is it?" she whispered softly, just loud enough for him to hear.
"I really don't know," he confessed.
Meeting his gaze once more, she couldn't help but smile. "Okay, then tell me once you've figured it out." She chose to lighten the mood, knowing that he was dangerously close to unraveling her with those looks he kept giving her.
April 8, 2022
Dear Matt,
Today you asked me what I want.
to be with you, that’s all I want.
September 2023
When Luke left for the San Diego, she looked around her room.
She gazed at the framed photo that hung beside her closet. In the picture, she and Matt were watching a movie, and slowly, they had leaned on each other. As they grew more comfortable, she had briefly considered adjusting her posture, but she couldn’t resist a sleepy Matt. The next thing she knew, his arms were wrapped around her, and they were nestled together, fast asleep. Neither of them had acknowledged it, but Nick had managed to sneakily capture a photo of them when he woke up at 4 a.m. to turn off the living room lights.
A bittersweet feeling loomed over her. She remembered the day all too well. With his mom waking them up for waffles and before things took a turn for the worst.
May 13, 2022
Hi Matt,
Only a few more months till I visit you guys in L.A. I’m kind of nervous but Chris assured me that everything would be fine.
I’m also excited to meet Madi, Nick said she’s nice, so I feel like we’ll get a long pretty well.
Everyone around them can see how much they love each other, from her mom and his mom to her dad, her sister, and even the entire Sturniolo family, including their grandmother. But a silent understanding prevailed; no one uttered a word about it. Perhaps they were all waiting for the day when Matt and her would finally act on their feelings. That's why when Luke entered the picture, it took everyone by surprise. Her mom, Elizabeth would drop hints about Matt’s brothers, mentioning that she saw their mom at the grocery store, and asks about Justin's new girlfriend, in which were all met with her silent nods. From behind her, her parents shared a knowing look.
Luke was the safe choice. He didn't make her feel like she had to beg for his love. He was dependable, polite to her parents, adored by her cousins, and fulfilled all the checkboxes of what she needed. He was unafraid of public displays of affection, and constantly tells that he loves her. Luke wasn't bothered by the story of her intimate friendship with Matt; he remained indifferent.
As time passed, the difference between Matt and Luke became more apparent. Luke, with his warmth and openness, brought stability and security to her life. Their relationship flowed smoothly, and the world seemed to accept them as a couple without question.
Yet, the blue-eyed boy who had once held her heart had an uncanny ability to infiltrate her thoughts. No matter how much she had tried to move on and embrace this new love, Matt remained an enigma. He was the unspoken part in her life, a book she couldn't close. She always wondered if he ever thought about her as she did about him.
It had been a few months since she had made the choice to be with Luke, months of happiness and contentment. But the heart has a way of keeping secrets, and hers held a special place for the blue-eyed boy in Los Angeles.
June 9, 2022
Dear Matt, two more months! God, I’m so over these classes, I swear. Samantha got really drunk two nights ago, it was so funny. I should’ve taken a video but whatever. Mom called me earlier today asking for my flight details, I guess she’s as excited as me.
July 16, 2022
Summer is finally here! I mean, it's been here for a while, but I'm looking forward to seeing all of you for your birthday next month. You better bring me to the thrift shops Nick was talking about the other day in the call.
August 17, 2022
I still can't quite believe you never told me about her. So, she was the girl Nick mentioned the last time you guys went home.
I couldn't help but notice the way you looked at me, and how I instinctively recoiled when she introduced herself. How did I not know? And why does she seem to know so much about me when I didn't even know her name?
Chris tried to console me that night, and I appreciated it. I also noticed how Nick was glancing at me, likely gauging my reaction to it all.
Matt, you don’t know what I’d give to stop being in love with you.
As the months passed, the girlfriend revelation of Matt was soon forgotten. She became increasingly immersed in college life. While Matt would text her from time to time and they would occasionally have video calls with Nick, she learned to accept the way things were. She had to make a conscious effort to push aside the memory of that night in Griffith Park when they had laughed and hugged, with her secretly gazing at his face and him giving her that look she adored. She came to the realization that if this was how things were going to be, she would be happy for him, even if it meant breaking her own heart. She contemplated Chris's words, but they didn't matter; what mattered was that Matthew was happy, and that's all she cared about. It seemed like everyone had forgotten about it too.
Matt was a private person, subtly posting little reminders of his girlfriend, but it didn't escape her notice how much it hurt her heart.
The longer she suppresses her emotions, the easier it seems, she believes. Suddenly, seven months have passed since that fateful night in LA, and March ‘23 is approaching steadily. Deep down, she's aware that she hasn't been honest with herself throughout this entire period, but she resigns herself to the reality of the situation. It is what it is, and she's compelled to carry on, masking her true feelings.
September 20, 2022
Dear Matt,
It's been a month since that night in LA, and Chris has never brought up our conversation again. I trust him. Life has felt quite mundane lately. I still have my moments, but I'm doing okay. I'm trying my best not to dwell on it too much. I suppose I felt betrayed, you know?
Yesterday, Chloe and Alahna came to visit, and we ate burgers. When I finally admitted my feelings to Alahna, I broke down. She told me she had always known I was in love with you, and with Chloe agreeing, both of them sharing the same sentiments, it left me wondering just how oblivious you can be.
October 5, 2022
Dear Matt,
I don’t know why you look at me that way, as though you could genuinely love me, even though deep down, I know you don't, and I know you won't.
Nick mentioned your plans for a trip to Florida to visit her. I tried to convince myself that it wouldn't hurt, but my own curiosity led me to check her Instagram. It was a mistake. I stumbled upon a photo of you two kissing on the beach, and I felt like such a fool for thinking this was something I could handle. I ended up in tears, obviously, poured my heart out to Samantha. I desperately wanted to forget, to stop these feelings.
I truly did try not to love you.
I really did.
November 3, 2022
"You know I hate these types of parties," she grumbled. "Do I even look good?"
"Girl, please, you look good every day," Madi assured her.
The night was still young, and everyone was on their way to this party the boys had been invited to. Chris was practically bouncing in the front of the car, and Matt, always effortlessly handsome, drove with calm and cool confidence.
Nick tried to comfort her. "You'll be fine. They're actually nice."
But she tuned out Nick's words as they entered the venue. The booming music only heightened her nervousness amid the lively crowd.
When Nick, Madi, and Chris entered the party, she found herself walking closely beside Matt. He was well aware of her uneasiness at these kinds of gatherings. With a gentle touch on her lower back, Matt guided her towards a group of people. Leaning in, he whispered into her ear, his face mere inches from hers, and for a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the entire party. "You look really good tonight. Don't worry too much. I'm here."
A thought crossed her mind – he's such a flirt without even realizing it.
Under the party's red lights, his lips looked incredibly inviting. If only he didn't have a girlfriend living across the country, she might have kissed him. Of course, that's only if he wanted to kiss her too.
She sighed, as the party continued to buzz around them and the night progressed, surprisingly, she found herself genuinely enjoying the evening, engaging in conversations with Madi. However, she couldn't help but notice that Matt kept stealing glances at her. Fueled by newfound confidence, she walked up to him. "Hey, stranger," he greeted her with a smile, her savoring the sight of that familiar grin.
She could feel his warmth. "Shut up, Matthew. I'm so hot right now; you guys weren't kidding about Los Angeles being intense."
"You are hot, sweetheart."
"Yeah, this leather jacket Madi lent me—"
"No, I don't mean your outfit."
Before she knew it, their faces were inches apart, his eyes locked onto her lips. This was it, she thought. He was going to kiss her. After all those years of pining for him, the past didn't matter anymore. What mattered was now.
He was driving her crazy. And then it happened – he kissed her, and the world stopped. Their lips met in a passionate, consuming kiss. Sure, she had kissed boys in high school, but this was different. This was Matt. She could feel his hands on her neck and waist, his lips following hers when she needed to breathe. This was how it was supposed to be, she thought, her lips on Matt's. Her best friend, the boy she had loved since they were 18, kissing her beneath the Los Angeles night sky. As their lips remained locked in a passionate kiss, she felt an electric charge surge through her. All the inhibitions, the uncertainties, and the fear of what might follow were momentarily forgotten. All that mattered in that heart-pounding moment was the taste of Matthew Sturniolo on her lips, a forbidden but intoxicating sensation she had yearned for since they were teenagers.
“Five years of friendship flushed down the drain just so I could know what Matthew Sturniolo tastes like.” (Ifykyk. This is one of my favorite lines from a book!!)
When their lips brushed again, a soft moan threatened to escape her swollen lips, and her head began to swim with desire.
"Oh my god," she muttered senselessly, her mouth still locked with Matt's.
His touches ignited a fire within her, the heat of his mouth overwhelming her senses.
"Fuck," he breathed, pulling away from her and running his hands through his unruly hair. "Fuck, I shouldn't have done that."
Her stomach sank as embarrassment washed over her. She didn't speak for a moment, still reeling from the intensity of the kiss. "I'm sorry."
"No, I—" He choked on his words. Horror painted his expression as he struggled to make eye contact with her. "I shouldn't be kissing you."
His internal conflict was palpable, and the emotions on his face left her feeling utterly perplexed. They were both breathless, caught in a state of shock. She was about to cry when Chris walked in with a cup full of soda.
"Are you guys ready to go? Nick's about to beat a bitch up-" Chris asked laughing, seemingly oblivious to what had just transpired. "What happened, Matt?"
A concerned look began to appear on Chris’ face as he assessed the aftermath of the situation.
"Just let it go, Chris," Matt muttered, looking at the ground.
"Let's go," she insisted, taking quick strides past Chris to find Nick and Madi, eager to get away from the confusing situation and head back home. Meanwhile, Chris tried once more, his voice hushed as he approached his brother. "What happened, Matt?" Seeing Matt in such a shocked state had him deeply concerned and worried about his brother.
November 29, 2022
I never should have visited again and allowed you to kiss me the way you did because I couldn't stop thinking about it afterward. The pure shock and regret in your eyes were enough to shatter me into pieces. We never discussed it when we got back to your house. Chris, with his knowing glances, probably figured it out, and I know you told him but thankfully, he didn't press the issue. The morning after was just as uneasy; you didn't come out from your room until 4 pm. Nick was concerned, but I was too nervous to say anything, feeling like a colossal mistake that had happened.
But I knew, when you looked at me to say goodbye at the airport, that I was hoping it meant even a fraction as much to you as it did to me.
We didn't speak for two weeks following that day, but today you sent me a text saying you were sorry. Our conversation resumed, but neither of us mentioned it again. I didn't ask if you had told her; that was none of my business.
You have to understand, Matt, that before you kissed me, I was always yours, if only you had looked closely enough to see it.
Christopher Sturniolo had never appeared shocked in his entire life. It was as if the heavens had granted him this shocking revelation.
Nick's voice echoed, "Okay, what the hell happened between you two at that party? You've been moping for days, and you didn't even take out the trash when I asked you to!"
"We kissed!" Matt lashed out at Nick. “Happy now, Nick?”
"Oh, shit. This is good. I mean no, this is bad, you have a girlfriend," Chris winced.
Matt's thoughts raced to Florida. His girlfriend’s going to be furious.
"I know," he muttered, feeling a headache coming on.
Days had passed since they dropped her off at the airport and her departure making Matt more confused as ever.
He groaned, unable to believe he had allowed that situation to unfold. He had also been ignoring her.
"Get your shit together, Matt. Seriously, you can't just kiss her and pretend it didn't happen!" Nick's frustration was too intense for Matt's liking.
"This is bad, Matt," Madi's voice sounded small as she contemplated the situation, her thoughts divided between the girl in Florida and the other one in Boston. This was undoubtedly going to be a messy affair, she thought.
Their comments offered no solace to Matt's torn heart, a whirlwind of suppressed feelings from his teenage years. He didn't genuinely regret the kiss, but he had a girlfriend, someone good who trusted him, and he had shattered that trust by succumbing to his feelings for his best friend.
"Okay, okay, Matt, breathe," Chris tried to comfort his brother.
"I can't do this," Matt said, standing up in frustration. "Let's not talk about this again. It's too much."
He stormed off and slammed his bedroom door shut, leaving Nick, Chris, and Madi in stunned silence.
"I don't understand why he just won't admit that she's always been it for him?" Madi questioned, her gaze shifting between the two brothers.
"Because he's an idiot, Madi," Nick replied, his annoyance evident in his tone.
The situation was complicated, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was playing with fire. His relationship with his girlfriend was hanging by a thread, and the unspoken tension with his best friend was driving him to the brink of frustration.
Matt knew he had to make a choice, a decision that could alter the course of his life. The pain of knowing he had hurt someone he cared about and the fear of losing the person who had been his confidant for years weighed heavily on him.
He was at a crossroads, and there was no easy path to take. He couldn't escape the truth, unsure of where his heart truly belonged.
December 20, 2022
Dear Matt,
It seems like things have returned to normal. Nick has stopped bombarding me with constant texts, asking if I'm okay, and Chris's late-night calls have ceased. I heard you broke up with her, I know you'd never share all the gritty details with me, but it probably was for the best. I can't help but feel like a terrible person for playing a role in your relationship's downfall. Alahna said it wasn’t my fault, but I feel like she’s just saying that, you know? I can't shake this feeling, I keep thinking I wasn't worth the risk. But then, you had a girlfriend at the time, so I understood. You'll have to forgive me, because I've never stopped thinking about that night since you kissed me.No one will ever be able to knock the wind out of me again. Not like that, not like you, Matthew.
January 2023
Matt clung to the familiar comforts of their Boston home, the very thought of remaining in the same bed that had cradled him in warmth and surrounded by the cherished memories of his childhood with his brothers offered solace to his melancholic heart.
Despite the fact that it was only the second week of January, the jarring noise of Nick's suitcase scraping against the floor downstairs served as an unwelcome reminder of the imminent reality awaiting him in just two days.
He yearned for the days before their move to California when life was different. He pined for the crisp, cold embrace of winter and the warm, welcoming smile she had for him whenever she would visit. Without a doubt, summer was his least favorite season.
Three days ago was her birthday, yet she was still in Nantucket, enjoying a vacation with her family. She texted him just two hours ago, explaining that she would be busy exploring the place with her aunt.
He had also gifted her a necklace, a token of their shared memories, as she had once given him last Christmas ago. The necklace was a heart-shaped silver pendant, a symbolic representation of his heart. He had chosen it with such devotion that Chris had teased him, saying he was like choosing an engagement ring. Matt silently agreed, but the truth was, he couldn't forget that night, the kiss they had shared, and how she had looked painfully beautiful beneath the soft, dim lights of the party.
His mom offered a comforting hug upon their arrival from the airport; Nick had probably told her over the phone about what had happened last November. As he looked around, everything had changed, yet he always felt the same.
He noticed it, as did everyone else, when Alahna and Nate visited; she didn't come. She was distant, and he couldn't help but feel guilty. It was all his fault. He had kissed her and pretended it didn't happen, only offering a sorry that didn't even comfort his own heart. Matt couldn't help but recall the conversations he had with his brothers late at night, in the car, about her being in love with him. Had he been so foolish not to notice the longing glances she directed his way?
It was four days after Christmas when he finally got up and entered Chris's room, the brightly lit space giving him a headache.
He found his brother scrolling through his phone, stress evident on Matt's face.
"Wow, you look like shit," Chris said, looking up. "What's going on? Nate has been bugging us to go to his house. Apparently..."
"Chris," Matt whispered, frustrated.
Chris leaned in, his concern evident in his eyes. "What's eating at you, Matt?" Matt had now settled on his bed, his legs touching Chris's sock-covered feet.
Matt sighed heavily, his emotions bubbling to the surface. "It's her. Something's not right, and I can't ignore it anymore. I kissed her, and then I acted like it never happened. I gave her this weak apology that didn't even begin to cover it. Now she's distant, and I can't shake this feeling that it's all my fault."
Chris listened attentively, his brows furrowing with understanding. "You've been worried about this for a while, huh?"
Matt nodded, the weight of the situation pressing on him. "Yeah. I mean, remember we've had late-night talks about her having feelings for me? And now, I can't help but wonder if I've been too blind to see it. Maybe I've hurt her more than I realized."
Chris put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "Look, you can't change the past, but you can talk to her, try to understand how she feels. Maybe it's not as bad as you think."
A beat passed as Matt solemnly gazed at his brother.
"I think I'm in love with her, Chris. Nick was right. I am in love with her," Matt said, eyes heavy from lack of sleep.
With Matt's confession hanging heavily in the air, Chris finally broke his silence. He leaned forward, a half-smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Congrats Matt, you're the last one to know," he said. "We've known for a long time that you felt this way."
Matt sat up, eyes widened in surprise. "You have?"
Chris nodded. "Yeah, it was kind of obvious, the way you'd light up every time she walked into the room. Mom mentioned before that you guys are two peas in a pod. She said it was only a matter of time before you realized she had always been here."
Matt sighed, unsure of himself. "I have no idea what to do, Chris. I'm just so scared of messing everything up."
"Well, technically you already did, idiot," Chris grinned sheepishly. “Just tell her how you feel. What's the worst that could happen?"
January 19, 2023
Chris was being weird, big time. He kept asking if I have talked to you. We talk every day, don’t we? Does he not know that?
Anyway, Chris being Chris, I guess.
You wanted me to visit for Spring break again, but I don’t think I can, but I’ll see you when you fly for Nate’s birthday in June. I cannot wait.
You seemed different these days, Matt.
As days turned into weeks, Matt struggled with his emotions in silence. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her and making things awkward between them. His ex-girlfriend didn't handle his confession well. She said had expected it and firmly told him not to contact her again.
This situation took a toll on Matt because he never intended for things to become so complicated. He was willing to do anything to prevent it.
Realizing he was in love with his best friend left a bittersweet feeling in his heart. He had been fooling himself all these time with him ignoring the intimate moments they shared and him being clueless as to why she reacted the way she did when she found out he had a girlfriend or when he kissed her.
He wanted nothing more than to fly to the East Coast just to see her, but he felt like it wasn't the right time, especially with college going on.
Matt appreciated the updates from her about school and life, but he can't help but feel things have changed in the air between them especially when she turned down the suggestion of her visiting again for the upcoming spring break. Matt understood and he knows that she too, was processing her own feelings just as he was.
Chris, talkative and ever supportive, insisted that she had always loved Matt too, with Nick joining in on the teasing, he couldn't help but feel hopeful. All of his loved ones reassuring him that things had always been this way. Two peas in a pod.
His Mom also called the other day after Nick had shared the details with her. “Oh, honey, we’ve always known,” her sweet voice comforting Matt. “Don’t worry about a thing; I’m certain she has loved you since the day she laid eyes on you.”
February 14, 2023
Dear Matt,
Samantha teased me today about not having a Valentine's date, but I told her I didn't need one. Anyway, seeing all the couples around campus makes me miss you even more and I know I might sound negative but it's a bit overwhelming.
I remember 2 valentines ago when you made me that pink cupcake with a heart on it. You were so excited to give it to me that you had a little argument with Nick in the car because he was taking too long to get ready, and you couldn't wait for me to see it. I also remember that rainy Valentine's Day when you stopped by my house just to give me the flowers you had bought earlier that day. The soft look on your face, the sly smile and damp hair was enough to make my knees weak. I also remember how Chris snickered from the passenger seat when you said the flowers reminded you of me. I miss you so much Matt. I wish you could have been here with me today, but you're in Palm Springs having a blast.
It's already February, Matt and I don't know how many more seasons I'll spend loving you.
February 14, 2019
"Hurry up, you idiot. Holy shit, I've been sitting here in the car for 20 minutes, and you're still not ready," Matt complained, clearly annoyed.
"Wow, Matt, what's gotten into you? Sorry, holy fuck," Nick responded, taken aback by his brother's sudden outburst.
Chris chimed in; his teasing tone evident as he laughed. "Calm down, Matt, I'm sure she'll understand if we're a little late."
"Shut up, Chris, it's not that. It's just the fact that Nick always does this," Matt retorted, starting the car.
"Is this what this is about? You being excited to give her your cupcake?" Nick teased, making a face at Chris and smirking.
"You're stupid, Nick." Matt grumbled, proceeding to drive down the familiar road to her house, a route he had taken many times before.
February 14, 2020
"Chris, come on, wake up!" Matt's voice boomed through his brother's room. It was 3 pm in the afternoon, and Nick had already been pestering them to go out. "I'm up, please get out of my face, Matt. I'll kill you," Chris grumbled sleepily.
With Chris in his usual grumpy state and Nick being overly excited, Matt found himself stopping by a nearby flower shop in Somerville. As he stood in front of the various types of flowers, his focused remained on a bouquet of tulips. He had heard from their mom the other day how exceptionally pretty tulips were.
Unbeknownst to Matt, Chris had slipped out of the car to join him. "You're getting flowers for her?" Chris asked, his tone laced with teasing.
"Yeah," Matt replied with a nonchalant shrug.
"Huh," Chris remarked, flashing a smile at the elderly woman behind the counter before turning his gaze back to his brother. "Why?"
"Because" Matt rolled his eyes, "why not?"
"Fair enough, geez, I'm just curious."
"Do you think she'll like tulips?"
Chris grinned and gave his brother an incredulous look, as if he found Matt's question amusingly strange. "She'll absolutely love them, Matt."
"Great," Matt said, clapping his hands together. "I'll get it," he cheerfully declared, already making his way toward the old woman.
With his usual teasing, Chris added, "Why don't you pick up some chocolates and write her a love letter too while you're at it?" He couldn't help but shake his head and chuckle.
"Shut up, Chris," Matt said dismissively.
As the rain began to pour, Chris watched his brother buy the flowers and wondered how unaware Matt can be with his own feelings.
March 2023
It was the week of Samantha's birthday, and she found herself contemplating on going. She didn't want to come across as a buzzkill for considering not attending, but the truth was, she often found immense joy in staying in on Friday nights. However, there were moments when she felt sad while lying in bed, especially upon hearing from Madi that all of them was heading to a party. Her thoughts would drift to Matt, wondering how he was doing or if he met someone. She tried to push the thoughts away still.
Matt would text her late at night updating her that he was already home, and she would read his messages in the morning. She hated how different their lives now were, with her being in college and him having the time of his life in California.
Sadness washed over her again when she remembered the kiss, they had shared last year. It saddened her to think that it might not have meant as much to Matt as it did to her, but it felt too late to bring it up now. He had apologized, and she had told him to forget about it.
With a change of heart, she confirmed to Samantha that she would indeed attend her birthday celebration. It was time to step out and have some fun, she thought. If Matt could do it, so could she.
The backyard of the Airbnb is transformed with colorful decorations and fairy lights are strung along the trees. The little bonfire in the center, surrounded by Samantha's friends chatting and laughing made her anxious, there is a lot more people than she thought.
She spotted Samantha and approached her cheerfully. "Samantha! Happy birthday!"
"Oh my gosh, you're here! I've been waiting for you. I'm so glad you made it."
"Me too," she replied, enveloping the curly-haired birthday girl in a warm embrace.
"Please, enjoy yourself tonight, alright? We have drinks and food in the kitchen, and I think Lorraine is around here somewhere," Samantha mentioned.
"Yeah, of course. You don't need to worry about me. I'll have a great time," she reassured her. "Go ahead and mingle."
"Alright, I'll catch up with you later, okay?" Samantha planted a peck on her cheek and continued welcoming other guests.
When she surveyed the crowd, she mentally reminded herself to grab a drink to avoid just standing there awkwardly. The party was in full swing, and despite her nagging desire to be in her cozy bed, she was determined to have a great time.
"Hey girl, how are you? I didn't see you come in. Have you seen Sam yet?" Lorraine greeted her with a warm hug, while Hannah waved.
"Hi, Lor, I'm good. And yeah, I just did. I just got here too so," she replied.
"That's great. You didn't get lost, did you?" Lorraine said with a playful grin.
She chuckled, “No."
Lorraine is Samantha's best friend from high school, she has long black hair, sharp eyes, and legs for days.
"Do you drink?" Lorraine asked, as Hannah busied herself mixing drinks at the counter.
"Uh, sometimes," she admitted, although deep down, she wasn't really fond of alcohol but tonight was different, though. She was feeling bold and what's a little alcohol after a rough week?
"We've got plenty here—tequila, beer, vodka, and all that jazz."
"I'll take a beer, please," she decided, opting for a more casual choice.
As the night wore, she took small sips of her drink and appreciated the light-hearted conversations with Lorraine and Hannah, which kept her from constantly checking her phone. Two hours ago, Matt sent her a text about whatever, but she ignored it. Truth is, she still feels a little hurt and awkward with him because of everything that has happened. Just for the night, she allowed herself to clear her mind of thoughts about the blue-eyed boy in California.
"I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back," she informed the couple, receiving only nods in response.
Aware of the dangers of drink spiking, she was cautious and brought her beer with her.
The hallways were narrow, and she wondered how many people had made out in these halls. There were many rooms too and photo frames with inspiring quotes that adorned the walls. Her trip to the bathroom was going fine until she bumped into a guy.
“I'm so sorry," she apologized frantically, searching for the green tissue pack in her little bag while setting the glass of beer on a nearby table. Her white top was now stained with liquor, which was just great. The embarrassment of the situation was overwhelming, leaving her unable to think straight.
"No worries," The guy chuckled, clearly taken aback by the unexpected encounter. "I should've been more careful."
She handed him the tissues, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "That was so embarrassing. I'm truly sorry," she said with a sheepish smile.
"Don't worry about it. It’ll dry," he replied with a reassuring smile.
“"I'm really sorry," she winced as she saw him examining his now alcohol-soaked shirt.
"It's okay," he smiled softly, causing her cheeks to turn pink. When he noticed her freezing in embarrassment, he spoke up again, "Hey, apology accepted. Please don't worry about it. I can just wipe this off, and I'll be fine."
She nodded and whispered, "I'm so embarrassed."
"Really, I'm over it now. Besides, it's my fault for not looking. You got drenched too," he chuckled, glancing at her blouse.
"Yeah, don't worry about me. It's not as bad as yours. Can I at least help you with that?" she offered.
"What? Help me wipe this beer off? Nah, I'm good. You go do your thing," he dismissed her with another friendly smile.
Feeling somewhat defeated, she simply nodded and said, "Alright."
In the bathroom, she found herself shaking her head in embarrassment while trying to wash off the small beer stain on her top. The night is not going well, and she was starting to regret not staying home. Why did embarrassing situations always seem to find her at parties?
After a few minutes of recovery and self-reflection, she returned to where Lorraine and Hannah were. But before she could reach the couple, she spotted the guy she had bumped into earlier. Hannah was chatting with him and giggling, while Lorraine wore an amused expression that made her feel even more self-conscious. Great, he knew them and had definitely shared the incident with them.
Hannah noticed her approaching and said, "Oh, I see you've already met our friend, Luke!"
The mischievous glint in Hannah's eyes confirmed that he had indeed told what had happened.
"Yeah," she replied shyly, smiling. "I think he has already told you how we met."
Luke laughed while Lorraine snickered. "Don't worry, he's not upset with you. In fact, he thinks you're cute, right Luke?"
"Oh..."
"Ignore Lorraine. Nice to meet you," he said, flashing her a warm smile and offered his hand. She couldn't help but notice the dimples in his cheeks or how perfectly curled his hair was.
"You too," she replied with a smile, shaking his hand, feeling her embarrassment vanish little by little.
Matthew Sturniolo was confused once again for the millionth time in his life, and his brothers found it funny.
Just five minutes ago, Nick mentioned she was at a party. Matt's head shot up upon hearing what his brother said.
"So, that's why she wasn't replying," Matt said, fingers fast on opening Instagram. "She didn't mention about going to a party."
With furrowed brows, he watched her story, where a girl with jet black hair was seen pouring a drink into a red up. The background confirming that she was indeed at a crowded party.
"She doesn't have to share everything with you, you know?" Nick rolled his eyes, as if Matt should already know this.
Chris chuckled, rising from his slouched position on the couch. "Yeah, you guys aren't dating, so why should she keep you in the loop about everything?"
Chris was teasing him, and he was aware of it. Nick gave Chris a look that said, 'who does he think he is?'
But Matt didn't care. It bothered him that she didn't even tell him knowing how much she disliked parties. He reopened their text conversation and stared at his unanswered message.
He sent another text:
Hey, just checking in. Saw your Instagram story. Hope everything's ok 😊
Turning to his brothers, who were now grinning, Matt asked, somewhat annoyed, "What?"
"Come on, Matt, lighten up. She can take care of herself," Chris teased again.
"She's a grown woman, Matt," Nick shrugged.
"Fine, I don't care," Matt grumbled, shifting his attention to the TV in front of him.
"Except you do, lover boy," Nick replied, and Chris laughed.
Matt stayed quiet, ignoring his brothers' teasing. He didn't need to know every detail of her life, and Chris was right. She could manage on her own but tonight he just felt uneasy. Was she ignoring him on purpose? Is he losing her?
He did his best to shake the thoughts as he stared at his empty notifications bar, hoping it wouldn't bother him as the night wore.
“Trouble in paradise?” Luke asked curiously, a playful smile gracing his beautiful face as he observed her reaction to a text message she had received, which seemed to elicit an anxious sigh from her, if Luke were to point it out.
She nervously chuckled and replied, "No, it's just my best friend asking how I'm doing," explaining helplessly. Luke nodded, choosing not to press any further.
They were now outside, surrounded by the soft chatter and faint music coming from the house. Lorraine and Hannah had left them 15 minutes ago to mingle with the other guests.
"So, is Sam a good roommate?" Grateful that he was attempting to initiate conversation and maintain a lighthearted atmosphere, considering what happened earlier. Lorraine had already explained that they had all been friends since high school and that Samantha was her roommate.
She chuckled and replied, "Yes, she is, thankfully. Although she tends to dance when she's drunk."
Luke laughed and shook his head, agreeing, "I heard she could be a handful when drunk," recalling a conversation he had with his own friends years ago.
"What do you study, again?" She asked, changing the subject. Realizing she couldn't quite remember what he had mentioned earlier, as she had been preoccupied with trying to forget the awkward bathroom encounter.
"Oh, I study business at SDSU, same school as Lorraine," he replied. “You’re studying computer science, right?”
She nodded, unwilling to discuss her major further. "How's Boston treating you? Do you enjoy it here so far?"
"Well, I've only been here for three days, and I've still got two more to go, but yeah, I like it. Just not used to the weather, that's all," Luke replied, looking down at her.
"Oh, yeah, I completely agree. Boston's weather is moody, unlike California's. It's very different," she said.
"I don't mind," Luke shrugged. "It's my first time here, after all."
"Really?" She turned to face him fully.
"Yeah, don't tell anyone, but I've never actually been to any state other than where I live," he chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink.
"Well, I think you deserve a proper tour from a native!" She looked up at him, smiling.
"You think so?" Luke grinned at her knowingly, his eyes twinkling with playfulness.
"Yeah, I mean, I've got nothing to do. I'm finished with most of my projects."
She couldn't pinpoint the source of her newfound confidence, whether it was the influence of alcohol or perhaps Luke’s casual smiles and affectionate glances throughout the evening.
He laughed, obviously amused by her eagerness, and she couldn't help but notice how nice his teeth were and how his curls looked.
"What's so funny?" She raised her eyebrows at him, a faint smile on her lips.
Still smiling, Luke replied, "Nothing, you're really cute."
She went silent, a blush forming on her cheeks. She was about to speak when he continued, "But yeah, a tour would be nice. Maybe we could get some lobsters?"
She snickered, the alcohol giving her confidence once again. "Are you asking me out on a date?"
"If you want it to be," he shrugged coolly, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Well, it's not a date. I'm just a new friend touring my new friend in the city," she declared.
He chuckled once again, his voice ringing in her ears. "Okay then, it's not a date."
She didn't even realize how engrossed they were in each other until Samantha approached them with a wide smile. "I see you two have already met," Samantha said, her eyes holding a hint of mischief.
"Sam!" She turned her attention away from Luke, her surprise evident. "Hi. Yeah, it's kind of a long story," she said, offering a sheepish smile.
Luke chuckled. "Your roommate here seems eager to show me around the city."
"Is that so?" Samantha looked between them, clearly amused.
The atmosphere remained light-hearted. Samantha’s playful smirk hinted at her enjoyment of the situation.
“Well, if she’s offering to be your tour guide, you’re in for a treat,” Samantha said, looking at Luke with a playful glint in her eye. “She knows all the best spots in Boston.”
Luke nodded with enthusiasm. “I have no doubt about that. I’m excited.”
Samantha winked at them both. “You’re in good hands.”
She understood that Samantha was insinuating something else. She wasn't stupid and she very was certain that tomorrow, the birthday girl would pester her about this encounter with Luke.
Samantha and Lorraine gave them knowing looks after Luke offered to walk her home and after a moment’s hesitation, she agreed. It was just a 10-minute walk to campus, after all. She didn’t want to be rude, but she also didn't want to walk home all alone at night.
She couldn’t help but remember Matt. Her Matt. The Matt she had been ignoring for hours now.
It had been an eternity since someone had taken the time to do this for her. She remembered from their high school days, how Matt used to walk her to her door, the way their hands would touch a little while walking, and her secret hope that he would kiss her goodbye. Of course, Matt never did.
“It’s been so long,” she whispered, her heart aching, unintentionally saying it out loud. Luke stopped mid-sentence.
“What?” He asked, confused.
She shook her head, caught off guard by her unexpected outpouring of emotion. “Oh, I’m sorry. I got a bit lost in thought. Please continue, what were you saying?”
“You did seem a little distracted all night. Is this still about the drink you spilled?”
“No, something else,” she replied, stealing another glance at her phone. Matt’s unanswered goodnight message, sent 20 minutes ago, weighed on her. “Just a lot happening in my life,” she chuckled, attempting to make it sound light for Luke’s benefit.
“Like school?” Luke asked again, his gaze steady.
“Yeah, something like that,” she answered, slipping her phone into her jeans pocket, concealing her suppressed longing.
Matt rose from his bed, finding no solace for his troubled heart in its confines. He headed downstairs to see if Chris was still awake.
"Hey, you up?" Matt opened the door to find his brother engrossed in his phone.
Chris looked up and said, "Oh, hey. Yeah."
Matt let out a long sigh and flopped down on Chris's bed.
"Uh-oh," Chris turned off his phone and turned his full attention to Matt. "She still hasn't replied to your texts?"
"Nope," Matt grumbled. "I want to call her."
"Matt," Chris frowned, "Don't. I'm sure she's fine."
"This is just not like her," Matt added, feeling stupid.
"I thought you didn't care?" Chris teased.
"Of course, I care," Matt sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Damn, you’re really down bad.”
"Chris, what's keeping her so busy at this party? Tell me, have you ever been so engrossed at a party that you forget to check your phone all night?" Matt asked, sitting up as he tried to calm his racing mind and heart.
"Uh," Chris tried to think, but honestly, he wanted to say no. There was no plausible reason she would be so absorbed unless she was actively ignoring Matt.
"You see?" Matt widened his eyes, attempting to convince his brother. "What if something happened to her?"
Chris intervened, "Whoa, we're jumping to conclusions here. Look, Matt, I'll call her."
Matt watched hopefully as the seconds passed by.
Five rings, and then her voice came through the speakers. "Chris?" Her voice sweet as a honey to Matt's ears. She must have made it home because he couldn't hear any background noise.
How could she answer Chris and not even reply to his texts?
"Hey, look, I'm sorry. Did I wake you? Matt here has been worried sick about you. You're not replying to his texts—"
Matt snatched the phone from Chris's hand. "I'm sorry. Chris is an idiot. I'm not worried, trust me."
There was a brief silence, and Chris facepalmed, whispering, "What are you saying, Matt?"
When she didn't reply, Matt continued, "I mean, I am worried. Just checking in, you know?"
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Sorry, no, yeah, I'm good. I just got caught up with friends, that's why I didn't get the chance to reply." A lie.
Matt paced slowly in Chris's room, trying to imagine her face. Chris gave him a look that said, 'What are you doing? Get it together.'
"I was a little concerned," Matt admitted chuckling, downplaying his worries.
"I'm fine, Matt. I just got home 20 minutes ago," she replied, her voice a whisper. She must be smiling, Matt thought, though he couldn't see her.
"Thanks for checking in, and sorry for not answering your texts," she added.
"That's... that's okay. I'm glad you're home and safe."
"Me too. This guy was kind enough to walk me home. I mean Samantha's friend from the party, Luke."
Matt and Chris exchanged surprised glances. "Luke?"
"Yeah, he was really nice. Offered to walk me. Also, I didn't tell you, but I spilled beer on him, which was embarrassing, but he was sweet about it, so we're good."
Chris snickered, and Matt shot him a hard stare, his stomach sinking by the minute. Who the hell is Luke?
"You can't be serious," Matt chuckled, trying to conceal his concern. “What?”
"No, I'm dead serious. We talked all night, and then, yeah, that's it. I offered to show him around Boston tomorrow, just to make up for what happened, I guess." She continued her story, seemingly unaware of how it was affecting Matt.
Matt couldn't hide his unease. "You just met him like 3 hours ago, and now you're spending the day with him? Who is this guy?"
"No, he's really nice, I swear. Plus, he's Samantha's friend, so..." She was quick to defend.
"I'm just saying, you don't know this guy well enough to spend your whole day with him," Matt said, growing more upset by the minute.
"Well, how am I supposed to know him if we're not going to hang out?"
Chris chuckled, shaking his head, while Matt tried to keep his feelings in check.
"Up to you. I'm just looking out for you, you know that. Again, just saying. Be careful," Matt replied, struggling to hide his true emotions.
"Yes, Dad," she teased, rolling her eyes, though she was likely fighting off a smile.
"I'm serious. I'm just looking out," Matt insisted.
"I appreciate that, Matt. Don't worry, I'll update you guys tomorrow. Also, do you still remember the address of that pasta place we visited a year ago where Chris fell in love with the chicken alfredo?"
"I'll ask him," Matt's voice sounded small. He felt like he was losing her by the second. Who was this guy? Were they going on a date? He can already feel a headache coming and a lump forming in his throat.
"I'll text you the address," Chris shouted from across the room.
"Alright, I think I'm going to bed. I'm really tired," she said, still painfully unaware of Matt's feelings.
"Okay, then. Go to sleep. Text me tomorrow," Matt pleaded, his voice carrying a sense of desperation. "Please."
"I will, Matt. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Chris."
"Goodnight!" Chris cheerfully replied, clearly enjoying the situation way more than Matt was.
Deep inside, she felt a bit guilty for distancing herself from Matt, ignoring his texts, and even considering dating other guys, possibly including Luke in the future.
However, she loved Matt for a long time, but he never felt the same way. Some days it felt like he did, especially that time he had kissed her, but it was never enough. She believed that if he had ever felt the same way about her, she would have been aware of it by now.
She was becoming tired of constantly holding onto false hope, longing for a love that would never happen and yearning for a touch that seemed always just out of reach. She desired to be consumed by his fire, even if it meant getting burned.
She craved the warmth of his affection, the reassurance of his reciprocation, and the simple comfort of knowing that her love was not in vain.
Truth to be told, she knew that Matt deserved to know the depth of her feelings, even if it meant facing the harsh reality that he might not feel the same way. Love, after all, deserved to be known. On the other hand, she feared the potential fallout – the awkwardness, the possibility of rejection, and the damage it could do to their friendship.
She couldn't escape the fact that she had held this love within her for so long, it had become a part of her very being. It was like an unspoken truth that lingered in the air whenever they were together.
"Love has a right to be spoken. And you have the right to know that somebody loves you." - Ursula K. Le Guin, A Fisherman of the Inland Sea
From the moment she pushed open the imposing wooden doors of the campus, she spotted Luke, leaning against a tree. The sunlight played upon his brown hair, making it appear lighter, and his eyes took on a golden hue.
It was undeniable, Luke was handsome. Every time she looked at him, it felt like a breath of fresh air on a crisp morning. Maybe it was something about the way his eyes locked onto her when she told stories, or how effortlessly he could reply with clever comebacks that always seemed perfectly timed. It was the way he carried himself that caused her poor heart to race a little.
When he caught sight of her, his face lit up. "Hey you," he grinned, his hands tucked into his pockets.
She returned his warm smile. "Hey yourself," she replied playfully, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “You ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, extending his arm, inviting her to link hers with his.
She shot him a look that said, ‘I’m not doing that,’ but she rolled her eyes, still smiling and continued walking.
Luke caught up with her, shaking his head with amusement.
Walking side by side, Luke kept his hands in his pockets, while she tucked hers inside her jacket to shield herself from the chilly air. She couldn’t wait for March to be over.
The curly-haired boy was surprised when he noticed a list of places on her notes app. Luke found it incredibly cute that she had taken the time to jot it all down for him.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe you’ve listed everything,” he chuckled, glancing at her phone to catch a glimpse of their planned destinations. “You’re really committed to this, aren’t you?”
Despite his best efforts to meet her eyes, she remained engrossed in her phone, her gaze fixed on the screen. “Of course. I did say I’ll show you the city, remember?”
Luke’s curiosity was piqued, and his eyebrows raised. A small smile played on his lips. “Do you always do this?”
She couldn’t help but laugh at his question. It was quite out of character for her to agree to tour someone around the city, especially when they had only met the night before. But Luke had proven to be a pleasant distraction from the strange texts she had been receiving from Matt lately plus he was really cute.
“To be honest,” she began, looking up from her phone to turn to Luke, “no. I just felt like doing something different today.” Her gaze softened as she spoke, and for a moment, her thoughts drifted to what Matt had texted her earlier that morning.
‘You do know that’s a date, right?’
Her response was that it wasn’t, explaining that she was simply acting as a good friend, and this left her message without a reply.
As the day went on, she found herself more and more drawn to Luke. If she were to describe the distraction from her unrequited love, who was miles away from the East Coast, it would undoubtedly be a flirty man with curly brown hair, coffee-colored eyes, and a smile that could light up any room he walked into.
With a playful tone, she leaned in and asked, “So, what’s one more thing on your Boston bucket list, aside from the lobsters?”
They sat together at a cozy coffee shop near the school, where a handful of students were studying. The shop’s walls were adorned with rustic brown bricks, and colorful flowers added a touch of charm. As the sun began its descent, the interior was bathed in a golden hue, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere.
Samantha had just texted her asking how the date with Luke in which she replied again that it was not.
Luke paused for a moment, considering the question. “Well, I’ve heard Fenway Park is pretty iconic.”
She agreed, reaching for her cup yet again. “That’s a fantastic choice! You’ll get to experience the true Boston sports culture.”
Luke grinned, appreciating her enthusiasm for everything he says. “And what about you? Any more must-see places you’d recommend?”
She thought for a moment, remembering the restaurant Chris loved, but chose not to mention it, as if she were safeguarding a secret that the world couldn’t know, the restaurant symbolizing memories that were now part of the past. Instead, she decided to keep their conversation in the present, allowing it to flow naturally.
She smiled shyly, a glint in her eyes, as she playfully remarked, “If I didn’t know any better, I think you’re just finding reasons to see me again.”
Luke's grin widened, his charm shining even brighter. "Ah, you've caught me," he admitted, "guilty as charged but who could resist an opportunity to explore Boston with such beautiful company?"
Her shy smile only added to the allure of the moment, and he couldn't help but appreciate the twinkle in her eyes. "Well," he continued, his tone dipping into a more flirtatious register, "if this is me saying I’d like to see you again, then what do you say? Perhaps you could be my personal tour guide for a while longer?"
She couldn't help but blush at him. "If that's your way of saying you'd like to see me again, then I say you're in luck,” she teased. “I wouldn't mind being your tour guide for a while longer."
Luke laughed, his face lighting up at her response, and he couldn't help but shake his head amusingly. "That's fantastic news! I supposed I'll have to come up with even more reasons to see you then."
Her smile remained coy, eyes locking onto his. "I look forward to it."
“But on a Saturday, in a café, she watched it begin again.”
(ifykyk haha)
May 2023
Nick Sturniolo couldn't tolerate it any longer; once again, his brother was wallowing in his room, shrouded in darkness with the covers pulled over his head. It seemed like Matt's sole agenda was eating and sleeping these days.
"That's enough," Nick's voice reverberated through Matt's room, with Chris trailing behind him. "This has to stop. Seriously, you need to get out."
Matt grumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. "No, Nick."
"Dude, come on." While Chris empathized with his brother's emotions, he knew that spending five days holed up in bed was far from ideal. "Have you even talked to her?"
"No," came the quiet, dismissive reply.
Exchanging concerned glances, Chris and Nick understood that Matt was avoiding them once again. Unmoved, Nick reached out and yanked the covers away, leaving Matt exposed from his warm cocoon.
"Nooo, Nick," Matt whined, rising from his bed, and walking past them into the bathroom. "Can you two just leave me alone?"
"Matt, please, this needs to stop," Nick pleaded, following him. However, Matt shut the bathroom door before Nick could utter another word.
Chris shook his head, deeply concerned. "This is getting out of hand."
"I'll call her," Nick declared, determined to mend his brother's broken heart as he headed toward the couch to grab his phone.
Chris halted him in his tracks. "Don't, Nick."
"Why not? This is ridiculous. She needs to know what's happening to Matt, you know?"
While Nick loved her just as much and empathized with her feelings for her brother, witnessing her heart break over the same guy repeatedly over the past few years, he also loved Matt and understood his reasons and he would go to great lengths to ensure he never saw his brother like this again.
"Don't do it, Nick," Chris warned again.
"Why not?" Nick persisted, challenging Chris, his frustration mounting.
"Because what are you going to tell her? That Matt's been depressed as shit because she went on multiple dates with this guy, and it all went well?"
Matt, listening from the other side of the door, emerged and interceded between them. "No one's going to tell anyone anything, okay? I'll be fine. I just want to be left alone."
"You have to tell her, Matt," Nick said, speaking more softly this time.
Chris gazed at the side of Matt's face, his heart aching at the sight of his brother in such despair. "Before it's too late," Chris added.
It pained Chris to see his brother like this, but he couldn't help but consider that maybe Matt had missed his chance with her months ago when he failed to understand why she was so upset about him having a girlfriend. Chris also couldn't deny that she had pined for Matt for years, and it had taken a long time for his brother to realize his true feelings and he also knew that even time would not wait for Matt.
In the weeks that followed, their household was like wrapped in an atmosphere of melancholy. Matt's isolation continued, and it seemed like there was a cloud of sadness hanging over them, especially when she announced that she plans to make it official with Luke.
Each day that passed without Matt addressing his feelings felt like a missed opportunity, and Nick couldn't help but wonder how much time they had left before those feelings became irrevocably entangled with regret.
He knew Matt's heartache was genuine and real. It wasn't just about a date gone well; it was about missed chances, miscommunication, and the unraveling of a connection that had been there all along. Nick also couldn't shake the nagging feeling that time was slipping through their fingers like grains of sand. It was an unspoken truth, a silent echo in the house, that they were running out of chances to mend the rift between Matt and her.
Meanwhile, Chris wrestled with his own conflicted emotions. He remembered that moment when Matt had failed to understand the depths of her pain when he had kissed her and pretended it didn't happen, his brother's lack of action when she needed him the most. It had been a missed opportunity, an oversight.
March 29, 2023
Dear Matt,
Spring’s break over. Been over for a few days. Everything is back to normal, and the air is getting warmer, which makes me a little happy. Mac Demarco’s song came on shuffle earlier on my way to class and it reminded me of when we were listening to it during the car ride back home. Remember the mint ice cream I let you try, and you hated it? Yep, that was the day.
I’ve already told you about Luke. He’s okay. He’s nice. I think I like him. I mean, what’s not to like? He flew back to San Diego, but we've been talking non-stop through FaceTime and texts. I think he might like me too, though I don't want to assume anything. You did say to get to know him better before rushing into anything.
I feel like things are changing, Matt. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I miss you so much. I wish you weren’t so far away.
April 7, 2023
Hi Matthew,
I’m just struggling with my feelings right now. Luke admitted last night after nonstop calls and texts, that he likes me more than a friend and he wants to take things further but slow.
I was frozen for a few seconds. I like him but I don’t know. I guess I’ll see where it goes.
I texted you about it, but you didn’t reply, Chris said you were out with Nick and Madi. I’ll tell you all about it later. I wish you knew, Matt. I wish you knew. That it has always been you.
It was the second week of June of 2023 when Matt Sturniolo landed in Boston, Massachusetts. After being gone for months, he was immensely grateful he was back home. The weather was warm which made everything feel just right. Things had improved significantly with him compared to the previous month, following a heartfelt conversation with Nick and Chris. They all agreed that confessing his feelings while she was entering a promising relationship wouldn't be fair, and his brothers supported this decision.
The way she would light up when talking about Luke during their video calls was enough for Matt to accept the situation as it was. He also realized that the opportunity had already passed him. She had already met someone else, and he believed, or at least liked to believe, that this person makes her happy and that was more than enough for him.
This newfound understanding brought a sense of peace to his heart, but he couldn't deny, not even to himself, that he was truly heartbroken. Despite the acceptance, there were moments when the weight of the unspoken emotions, the timing, and the distance bore down on him.
Remembering their intimate moments together leave him with a lingering ache in his heart. Matt had been in love with her long before he could put a name to his emotions, but by the time he understood his own feelings, it was already too late.
"Yo, Nate just texted me," Chris said while munching on chips and leaning against the kitchen counter. "He said shit’s ready."
"Wait, I need to take a shower first, and then we can head out," Nick shouted from the other room.
Matt appeared from the laundry area, a sock on one hand, and asked Chris about his outfit, "Do you think this looks good?"
"Yeah, that's alright. I really like that shirt," Chris replied.
Matt smiled and said, "Me too."
Impatient, Chris sighed and yelled, "Can you hurry up, Nick? Alahna just texted me, she said they already pulled up to Nate’s house."
Nick shouted back, his words somewhat unclear, "Yeah, I'll be quick."
Silence enveloped them again. After a moment, Chris whispered, "Are you sure you'll be okay there, Matt?"
"I'll be fine, Chris. It's Nate's birthday," Matt responded, still engrossed in his phone.
Chris sent him a half smile. “You know she’s never going to replace you right? Your friendship with her is already special in its own right.”
Matt looked up, his expression softening but still uncertain. He nodded, agreeing with his brother's words, though not entirely convinced.
"Alright, I'm ready to roll," Nick announced after 20 minutes, already heading for the door.
Chris could sense Matt's tension and placed a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder. "Hey, Matt," he began, his tone gentle. "It's gonna be okay."
Matt leaned on him, nodding. "Thanks, Chris."
With a nod, Chris turned to Nick who's already impatiently waiting by the car. "Let's get going then. Nathan's waiting."
Hands on the wheel, Matt did his best to focus on the familiar road ahead of them. Nick sang along to the radio in the backseat, while Chris stared out of the window. Deep down, Matt wanted to turn around and retreat to the safety of his bedroom, but he hid his anxieties by remaining silent.
As Matt parked the car and they approached Nate's house, he couldn't shake the nervousness that had been building inside him. Chris and Nick walked ahead towards the sliding door in the backyard, where they greeted Nate's family.
For Matt, however, it was as if time had slowed down. As he scanned the gathering, he saw familiar faces - people he had known since middle school, some high school, and some he forgot the names of. Life appeared to have moved on for them, unaware of the feelings he was facing with.
With his hands in his pockets, he looked timid and shy. But then, as if the universe conspired to grant him a moment of relief, he saw her. It had been seven months. Seven long months since he had seen and kissed her, and it felt like finally witnessing the sun after a cold winter night.
Nick was approaching her first, and she welcomed his brother with a big smile on her face. Matt couldn't help but notice the subtle changes in her appearance - her hair now cascaded just below her collarbone, framing her face beautifully. Her smile, however, remained as radiant as ever, perhaps even more so. The way she held onto Nick, the carefree way her hair danced in the breeze, the sunlight gently touching her face made her seem almost unreal. The summer air had given her a healthy flush on her cheeks, making them pinker than he remembered. Her laughter like music to his ears.
After what felt like an eternity of hugging and catching up with his brothers, she began searching for him in the crowd. Her eyes eventually found him, standing there in all his handsome glory. With knowing smiles exchanged between Chris and Nick, his brothers left them alone. Matt approached her slowly, his hands still tucked in his pockets. "Hi," he greeted her with a shy smile.
She looked up at him, biting her lip, her voice now softer compared to when she had greeted his brothers. "Hi."
Subtly and unwittingly, her body leaned towards his, just like old times, and reached out to embrace him. Matt couldn't help but notice the familiar scent of her hair, the same fragrance that used to linger on his pillow for days after she had slept over.
As always, good things must come to an end, and she reluctantly pulled away, her eyes sparkling with happiness as she looked up at him. They were so close that they could feel each other's breath.
"Missed you," Matt blurted out, unable to contain his feelings. He had truly missed her more than she'll ever know.
"I missed you too, Matthew. How are things?" Her affection for him was evident in her words. Matt, who had been the love of her life for years, was now back home.
"Things are good," he replied, his voice carrying a mixture of emotions. "I'm so glad to be back home."
"Finally," she murmured softly, the word laden with longing and spoken with an intimacy meant only for his ears. Her gaze remained locked onto his, they were so absorbed into each other that they didn't notice that their friends were watching them, both oblivious to the hushed whispers in the background.
"Yeah, finally," Matt whispered, eyes steady with hers.
Observing this interaction, Nate nudged Chris gently, nodding towards them. His eyes wide.
"Oh no, Matt," Chris whispered, seeing Luke, who stood a few feet away and had seen everything. Her and Matt are standing really close, almost as if they were about to kiss. "Don't do it, Matt." Fearing his brother would do something stupid, again.
A faint clearing of the throat from behind them interrupted their moment.
"Luke," she whispered, surprised and wide-eyed. Luke responded with a polite smile, concealing his uneasiness.
Watching from a distance, Chris's heart continued to race.
Feeling embarrassed, Matt wished he could disappear. He had let his emotions get the best of him and now found himself in an awkward situation. Sensing her pull away, Matt watched as she moved closer to Luke's side, putting some distance between them.
"Luke, this is Matt," she introduced them, her voice slightly small. She gestured towards both of them. "Matt, meet Luke, my boyfriend." Matt hid his true feelings behind a polite greeting and shook Luke's extended hand but from a distance, Chris and Nate could see the sadness in his eyes as he glanced back and forth between the new couple.
"Nice to meet you, Matt. I've heard a lot about you and your brothers." Matt couldn't help but find irony in the situation, as he remembered the night in Los Angeles when he had introduced his ex to her, and his ex had offered similar words of welcome.
Matt smiled and nodded, his gaze lingering on the way Luke held her waist.
Luke started a friendly conversation, trying to ease the obvious tension in the air. "So, when did you guys get back from L.A.?"
"We got back just two days ago," Matt replied casually, shifting his gaze to Chris and Nate a few feet away from them, who was now stopped dead in their tracks, watching their interaction unfold. "What about you? I heard you're from California, right?"
Luke, keeping things relaxed, replied, "Yes, San Diego. I've been here for a week. Planning to stay for the rest of the summer."
"Oh," Matt struggled to find the right words. Spending a whole summer, indicating a serious step into their relationship.
"That's cool. Boston has nice beaches, although they might not compare to the ones on the West Coast."
Her gaze remained locked on his, searching for a reaction. Nathan, Matt's best friend since they were 13 has always known the right words to say. He swooped in just in time to save Matt from a potentially explosive situation.
"Hey, you guys, do you mind if I borrow Matt here for sec?” Nate asked casually, offering them his playful smile. "We need help with the ice and stuff." He said cooly, earning a knowing glance from Matt.
This was Luke's first time meeting Matt, and he couldn't help but wonder if there was more to the history between her and her best friend. After witnessing their intense interaction moments ago, he wondered if it has always been like this. As Nate led Matt away, a moment of silence settled between Luke and her. She could sense the curiosity in Luke's eyes. Finally, he broke the silence with a gentle tone, "You guys seem very close. Is there more than what I know?"
She took a deep breath, her fingers fidgeting with the fabric of her skirt. "We've been friends for a long time, you know that." she replied, her voice a mixture of apprehension and vulnerability.
"I just never expected you two were that close," Luke chuckled lightly, making an effort to lighten the mood.
When she didn't reply, Luke gently continued, "Hey," speaking in a softer tone this time, he turned his entire body to face her, ensuring she could look into his eyes. "I'm not worried about anything. If you say you guys have been nothing more than friends all this time, then I believe you."
She smiled, feeling grateful that Luke had gracefully dropped the topic. But there was no lie in that statement; they were just friends. Matt had never reciprocated her feelings, and it had always been that way. She should be happy that she has a love like Luke's. A love unwavering, ever-present affection that wraps her in a sense of security and even though this love was just starting, it's here. It wants to spend the whole summer with her. It kisses and hugs her at night. A love that loves her back.
Chris followed Nate and Matt into the house and found them already engaged in a conversation. "Dude," he began. With Nate, deeply looking into Matt's eyes Chris knew he was helping calm his brother down. “What was that?”
Matt snapped, growing irritated with Chris, feeling the situation become more increasingly awkward and cringeworthy. "Just be quiet for a second, Chris."
“You need to keep your feelings in check before it gets complicated,” Chris informed, arms up in defense.
Matt sighed, realizing the truth in his brother's words. "Was it really that bad?"
"Bro," Nate gave him a sideways glance.
"Matt, with how close you two are, you might as well just kiss her," Chris whispered loudly, scanning the room for any guests who might have overheard them.
"It was like you guys were the only ones in the room," Nate chimed in, to which Chris nodded in agreement.
Matt hung his head in shame, anxiously sighing once more and burying his face in his hands. "I can't handle this."
"Yes, you can," Nate reassured him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You're here for my birthday, nothing else and you're gonna go out there and we're gonna have fun. Look, look, Karl's already setting up the barbeque."
Matt can only nod. Tonight was all about Nathan, and no boyfriend was going to ruin it for them.
Truth was, Nate was hesitant when she asked the question of whether she could invite Luke as her plus one. Deep down, he understood that she was slowly unveiling to the world the fact that this charming, curly-haired brunette with captivating brown eyes is going to be in their lives whether they like it or not. Nate was also aware of the feelings Matt is dealing with, feelings he suspected had been simmering beneath the surface ever since he witnessed them sharing a slice of pizza in his very own backyard three years ago. He feared that Matt wouldn't take this well, and the feelings of regret over missed opportunities might shadow him as he watched her with Luke. Yet, despite these, Nate couldn't bring himself to say no. He firmly believed that she deserved to show her love, just like anyone else and to Nate, this love was something his best friend would ultimately need to come to terms with.
The night proved to be a blur for her, with Matt's presence lingering nearby like a shadow. Just the knowledge that he was only a few feet away made her stomach churn. It hadn't always been like this; typically, she had a firm grip on her emotions and could maintain her composure, but the situation earlier, with the three of them – herself, Matt, and Luke – had left her wanting to go home and avoid talking to anyone ever again.
It had been a slip, a slip that should never have happened. The way she had clung to him, waiting for any sign, anything that might reveal his disapproval of her relationship with Luke. But when he walked through the door with Chris and Nate trailing behind him, she realized she had been fooling herself once again.
Matt had calmed himself down, thanks to Nate and Chris. With Nick giving him raised eyebrows as if to say, 'What the hell just happened? We'll talk about this later.' he shifted his focus to the food that was being handed around, attempting to divert his thoughts.
The night progressed smoothly, and the final blow came when Matt sat across from her in the group circle. Chloe, who had joined them, shot knowing looks her way as she sat beside Matt. "So, what are your plans for the summer?" their friend asked.
Various answers were heard from the group. "What about you and Luke?"
"We're going on Europe with Luke's friends from New York," she blurted out, her eyes finding their way back to her hands, avoiding Matt's piercing eyes.
She could hear the excitement and wows reverberated around the circle.
Luke chimed in, adding, "Yeah, it's going to be fun. I’m excited."
The conversation continued, with the group asking about when they will leave, and some were sharing recommendations for must-visit spots in Greece. She tuned them out, feeling smaller with each passing moment.
A European adventure was Matt and Her’s secret dream, a dream they had shared only in the quiet of the night, under the covers, with Nick sleeping on the couch nearby. It symbolized another significant step in their relationship, something that Matt couldn't help but notice.
Matt felt his heart break a little more with each passing moment, like a series of painful stabs. Of course, he didn’t forget the plans to elope in Europe and here she was fulfilling those dreams with another man.
When their eyes met, he masked his pain with a faint, forced smile.
Finally, the night ended with Chris giving her and Luke a friendly hug. With Matt already in the car avoiding the couple and Nick in the back saying his own goodbyes to Alahna and Nate.
Matt went straight to his room, shutting the door firmly behind him. Chris stopped Nick in pestering Matt and asking him about what happened at the party, he insisted that they give their brother space to work on his feelings.
~
"You're awfully quiet," Luke nudged her gently. They sat in the living room, surrounded by her sister and cousins, watching cartoons as the warm Boston summer air flowed in through the open windows of the house.
"Just lost in thought," she sighed.
"What's on your mind?" Luke asked, rubbing her hand while his gaze remained fixed on her face.
"Nothing much, just a bit nervous about meeting your New York friends," she chuckled, trying to keep her tone casual.
"They're not that bad," he reassured her, his fingers now absentmindedly playing with hers. "They'll love you. Who wouldn't love you?"
One person, she thought, but she managed to smile at Luke, appreciating his warmth. It had been a week since Nate's birthday, and Matt hadn't reached out. Part of her was secretly relieved; she wouldn't know what to say to him anyway. She knew Matt tended to withdraw when things got awkward.
This had been her problem since they were young. Matt always looks at her like he could love her, and she fell for it every time, only to have her heart broken again.
She knew she was lying to Luke about her old feelings for Matt, but she was determined to bury those emotions and start fresh with Luke.
"What if they don't like me?"
"They have no choice but to like you; they're going to spend two months with you in Europe," Luke chuckled before giving her a sweet kiss.
"I guess," she replied.
Silence settled between them once more. "Is everything ready for you? We leave really early tomorrow," Luke asked, mentally checking if he had brought everything he needed in his head.
"Yup, all packed and ready. Actually, I think I'm going to visit Nick and the boys later, you know to say my goodbyes," she shrugged.
She could feel the mood had shifted between her and Luke.
Luke straightened up, letting go of her hand. "Oh. Do you want me to come with you?"
"No, that's fine. Nick has been bugging me to hang out since they got back. He wanted to catch up and stuff."
"Alright," Luke nodded, smiling at her, not pushing further.
Setting foot in her lifelong friends' house brought a wave of nostalgia; it felt like an eternity since she had last visited. Nick welcomed her at the front door with a cheerful smile, the sounds of a heated argument between Chris and Matt can be heard from the kitchen.
"You just don't get it. I didn't know it was yours," Chris defended himself, dressed casually in shorts and a white shirt.
"Well, you should've asked me! Can't you leave a soda in the fridge for 24 hours max?" Matt shouted, clearly agitated. "Geez, you're so fucking grumpy today, is this because-" Chris replied, and Nick cleared his throat, worried that Chris might say something she should not hear. Chris noticed her presence first and practically lunged at her, almost knocking the air out of her. "Oh my god, I missed you so much."
She smiled and patted his back, returning the hug warmly. When he released her, he continued with a mischievous glint in his eyes and a playful tone, "I'm so sorry we couldn't talk much at Nate's party. You were so busy."
"Chris," Nick warned with a pointed look. Chris shrugged, still grinning.
"I missed you too and no, I wasn’t," she chuckled, glancing between Nick and Chris, offering a reassuring smile.
"Yes, you were. You were busy with your new boyfriend," Matt snapped, his tone cutting and bitter, causing her smile to slowly vanish. He wasn't looking at her, not acknowledging her presence and not even trying to hide that he doesn’t want her there.
The room fell silent, Chris and Nick exchanging shocked and speechless glances in response to Matt's outburst, making the atmosphere tense.
"In fact," Matt added, his voice sharp as knives, "you were so busy with your new boyfriend that you forgot we had plans to go to the beach with Chloe yesterday."
His words were meant to hurt, like venom injected into her heart. "Matt, please." Chris intercedes, but the tears and the lump in her throat were already starting.
"Shut up, Chris. It's true! She's Miss College-this and Miss College-that. Why are you even here? Aren't you supposed to be in Europe with your boyfriend?" Matt sneered, his blue eyes piercing through her soul, oblivious to how much his words were hurting her.
"What the hell, Matt?" Nick glowered at Matt; his eyes wide, unable to believe that his brother was speaking to her like this.
"No, it's okay Nick, leave us," she whispered, stopping him. She swallowed hard, attempting to hold back the tears and keep her composure.
Chris, sensing that this was a necessary conversation between her and Matt, guided Nick out of the kitchen. He believed in her; if anyone could handle this, it was her.
"What's your problem?" She approached Matt slowly, keeping a comfortable distance, with the kitchen counter acting as a physical barrier between them.
"You! You're my problem," Matt mumbled, avoiding eye contact, turning his head, and looking towards the window.
In the years of friendship with Matt, they never once had an argument like this. Matt had never been this upset with her, especially over missed plans. She had missed one or two in previous years, but he had never been this furious.
Her heart ached trying to understand Matt’s current level of distress. She was not understanding why the boy in front of her was seething with frustration, his cheeks flushed, hair disheveled, and his eyes usually so warm and inviting now looks exhausted and empty.
This was not the Matt she had grown so close to.
"How am I your problem? Are you seriously this fucking upset because I forgot about our plans to go to the beach yesterday?" She was getting angrier, and her voice was rising.
Matt finally looked at her again. "Just forget it."
He tried to walk away, but she blocked his path. "No. Tell me. What's wrong?"
She peered into his bloodshot eyes; he looked so done. But before she could speak again, Matt beat her to it. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's just great. Go back to your perfect boyfriend; he must be worried about you."
"He's not worried about me, Matt. Are you kidding me? What did I do to make you this upset? Look, I’m sorry, okay? We had to pack-"
Matt didn't answer and brushed past her, bumping her shoulder in the process, his back turned to her.
"Seriously, you're just going to leave? So this is about Luke? Are you jealous? Do you think I'm too busy for you guys now that I have a boyfriend?"
"I'm in love with you, okay!" Matt turned around, facing her. His blue eyes now on the verge of tears.
She stood there in stunned silence, her feet rooted to the spot. She couldn't believe it — Matthew Sturniolo, her best friend, and the boy she had secretly pined for over the years, was in love with her.
Meanwhile, in the other room, Chris and Nick listened in wide-eyed shock, their brother’s confession echoing through the house. Chris exchanged a surprised glance with Nick, who couldn’t help but roll his eyes, muttering, “Finally,” under his breath.
Matt continued, his voice frustrated, "I cannot, for the life of me, forget the day I kissed you and how much I still wanted to. How much I wanted to chase after you that night, to kiss you again, I cannot stop thinking about it."
#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fic#chris sturniolo x reader#Creative writing
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less than tactical touch
prompt 1: hand holding
well wELL WELL!!! Look who's back at it again. Oh? What's this, you ask? Well, nothing really... just my attempt, yet again, at posting for Writingtober, or whatever. SFW Kinktober, if you will.
Yes, I'm so very behind. No, I will not catch up. You can partially count these prompts for NanoWriMo. They're definitely not being finished during the month of October. but!!! here's the first one.
it's Ghost. Yes. What about it? This year, I'm also doing something a little different in that I'm only going to be writing characters I want to write instead of randomizing a few of my favs amongst fan favs. It'll just make the writing process for me easier.
either way!! without further ado, here's a bit of touch starved ghost to kick these prompts off! I hope you enjoy :)!
Word Count: 1.7 k
The rescue went as smoothly as it could, but the rebound is showing its taxing nature. You’re incredibly tired, but Kate brought you out here to do your job. With all that's come to light in the past twelve hours— you were grateful to be on this side of things.
Finding out what happened to Ghost and Soap seriously gutted you. Hearing the report by word of mouth when Kate and Captain John Price found out what Graves and Shepard had attempted to do with Ghost, Soap, and Los Vaqueros… it makes your blood boil thinking about it now.
Laswell had told you to ‘pack your shit together’ as soon as she’d heard word from Price that they’d been successful with extracting the boys from Grave’s personal prison. That’s what you could only describe it as, the stupidity of it all. They were out and heading to a base where, apparently, you had been requested to appear at too.
You didn’t need a hint to know who had requested your being there in the first place. So, following Laswell’s directions, you quite literally packed your shit together as quickly as possible, got in a car, and you were off to the safe house.
Here, feet imprinting into the dirt floor of this other warehouse for Los Vaqueros, you weren’t waiting more than a couple of minutes before the vans arrived. The one leading holds Alejandro and the majority of his men, the next van is the one Rudy hops out of. They barely recognize your person, or don’t fully acknowledge that it’s you. Rudy might’ve lightly waved, but you weren’t sure. There was an understanding amongst everyone— the circumstances existed. There was no changing that, or them, there was going forward with them. Stakes were just different, seriously for better or for worse.
The third truck pulled up as you pushed forward to take a peek outside, observing the unfolding chaos already emitting from the first two cars. It slowed to an easy halt next to the first two vehicles, and the doors kicked out. The team members of 141 all immediately begin to pile out. Price fronts the group as always, but instead of his approachable demeanor from when you’d first met him, you swear there’s almost steam emitting from his head he’s so pissed. Gaz is behind him, slamming the truck door shut and starting to march into place behind the leader before he scans his surroundings and finds you.
Kyle’s demeanor shifts entirely, the glare shifts into something softer. He’s approaching you before he can think twice, and you’re grateful that someone like him is also present through all of this.
“Hey…” he sighs, sounding too tired. “When’d you get here?”
“Couple minutes ago.” You reply simply, tilting your head on its side. “… Is everything okay? What happened with you guys?”
Gaz is back to looking uneasy, and he averts his eyes toward the floor, “…Well—“
“It was fuckin’ Graves.” The Scottish accent angrily hisses on the other side of your head, you alarmingly turn to address it. Soap is marching on, following after Price. “Graves and Shepard, to be exact. The fuckin’ twats tried to kill us.”
“How?” You turn back to Gaz, seeing that Soap wasn’t going to stay and chat details.
“He—“
“He tried murderin’ us, that’s what.”
You barely have time to process what’s just been spoken in your direction, and your eyes are bulging wide as the six-foot-three soldier comes marching up to you and Kyle— promptly pulling you off by your arm. The only heads-up being the singular statement.
“Uh? Ah?” You start to vocalize— Gaz only helplessly watches as the large, skull-faced soldier drags you away by your upper arm. And you’re fumbling with coming up with something to say. How to interject, get him to stop. But he’s so much bigger than you, and Gaz is nowhere near his stature either.
You both watch each other as it happens, Gaz helplessly sending a single wave in your direction before turning off to follow his captain who was barking orders to get a handle on the situation. You want to be in that conversation, not dragged away and hidden which seemed to always be the goal of Ghost whenever you were both present at debriefings.
“Stop stalling,” Ghost growls, pulling your closer, “I know you can walk faster than that.”
“I— sure? But— Simon.” You pull against his grasp, and it’s very clearly not going to do anything. His fingers were still pressing marks into your wrist, a reassuring soreness. “Simon. Please?”
Your voice is softer than you expect, and it must catch him by surprise too. He let’s go, turning back and peering down at you through the eye-sockets of his skull mask. The dark eyes shadowed by the black face paint, it always captivates you in so many ways. This time, it is tender. He’s really seeing you, and you can’t grasp entirely why.
“I wasn’t there, and I’m now here. You’re here, you made it back, nothing’s happening right in this moment.” Gently, you reach your own hand in his direction. Brushing your fingers over the space in-between his tactical gear. The long sleeve is thick, but it’s warm from him, and the moment is suddenly careful. “We’re okay.”
Simon never looks away while you stay focused on his arms, and the silence isn’t anything new. He’s typically quiet, everyone knew this, but the presence in his stare holds a weight in your chest. It compels you to look back, the warmth in his stare all the more evident. It holds you there, it closes you off from the rest of the warehouse and makes it your moment together.
“…I can’t let you out of my sight.” Simon’s hand reaches for his glove, he’s ripping at the velcro and pulling the item from his palm. His veined hand stretches out once free, and it’s reaching for your bare palm as well. “It was you, in the back of my mind. Last night…”
“Simon…” you murmur, letting him take up your hand and delicately turn it over so your palm faces the ceiling. His fingers, weightless, brush over the creases in your palm. It tickles, and you sadly smile. “I’m right here. Shepard was never in contact with me.”
Reaching the edge of your palm, his hand finally clasps around your own. His touch is forever warm, and reassuring, and your heart feels like it might as well leap out of your throat. Physical touch is rare with Simon, and this isn’t the first time he’s been soft with you… but, it’s not just you two alone. There are Vaqueros, and 141, and no one’s actively paying attention, but you know that they’re there. And he knows it too. So why—
“I don’t care,” he squeezes your hand tightly, “You weren’t with me.”
“I was with Laswell.” You meekly reply, like it will help whatever turmoil Simon is feeling over the fact he was away from you.
Ghost’s head shakes in displaying Laswell wasn’t enough. He takes you in by your hand, and suddenly the towering man envelops your waist in one arm. He still holds tight to your hand, your grasps carefully remaining between your chests. You can feel your heart beating lightly against your knuckles, Ghost’s gear swallows his heartbeat in full. But he’s breathing, his shoulders are gently rising and falling with that much evidence.
Lightly closing your eyes, you press your forehead against the front of his jacket. Plastic straps slightly dig back against your skin, and his hand snakes up to gently lay against the back of your skull.
“I’m here now?” You offer softly.
“Hah,” his laugh is humorless, but the sound makes you smile. A pathetic, maybe grateful smile.
His hand squeezes against yours again, and it’s only then when your eyes sting. You both were here, and the weight of it presses down on your shoulders with a newfound emotion. It’s almost unexpected, how the sadness wells up and hits you in your sinuses. He’d clearly been prepared for the worst when he you couldn’t recognize it until now. The degree of what happened… what is now going to happen with handling the Shadows and Shepard. Moments like these were few and far between, no wonder it’s happening all like this suddenly.
Who knew when there would be time to have another moment like this. Caresses and whispers and warmth. It’s all too fleeting, and before one of you can highlight that, there’s a call from a few feet away.
“Ghost.” It’s Soap, and as you turn to look at the man who’s tone resonates with you, the shorter Scottish man frowns further. “C’mon. Price got Shepard on the line. You should listen in.”
He doesn’t wait for a reply, instead walks back in the direction from which he came. Simon is still protectively wrapped around you, and evermore slowly he begins to unravel.
His accent utters your name softly, and you reach up to place a quiet hand reassuringly on his shoulder.
“I’ll still be here when all is said and done. We are going to make it out of this together. Okay?”
You’re holding his worrisome stare, and though he looks nervous, your words make sense to him. He softly nods, leaning in and managing to angle the tip of his chin so he could press his lips through the fabric of his ski mask and lightly kiss you on your forehead.
After a brief pause, he completely pulls away. Turning back in to the Special Force member he knew was expected of him. “Right, I’ll be off then. See what Shepard has to say for himself. In the meantime—“
Simon turns back towards you to which you hold out your hand. As if to pace him. “I’ll be right there as soon as your done. Don’t worry.”
He nods again, turning forward and marching on. “Yeah. You better be, otherwise it’ll really turn into a shit show around here too.”
You snicker softly at the man’s stubbornness, but don’t say anything more. You don’t need to imagine the result of his frustrations if that was how he was going to act as soon as he laid eyes on you just moments before.
Instead of waiting around, you pull out your phone. Opening your messages with Laswell, you give her the update…
Made it, safe and sound. You made a good point on why I should be here. Someone’s happy to see me.
Laswell: Good to hear. I knew he would be. I hate to say I told you so, but… well. I definitely told you so.
You don’t hate it.
Laswell: You’re right. I don’t :)
#fanfic#oneshot#writing#x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost#ghost cod#ghost mw2#reader insert#ghost x reader#ghost call of duty#cod mw2#hand holding#sfw kinktober
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taz musical theater au, please :O??? -ise (currently listening to broadway Anastasia and going buckwild again /lh)
"So," Kravitz says, the door closing behind him dramatically. He doesn't put his bag down like he usually does. Instead he looks stiff and frustrated and confused. And cute. Still painfully fucking cute, as always. "I was surprised to see you at the casting call today."
"Why? You've been talking about it since I moved in last month." Taako kicks his feet off the edge of the couch and keeps pretending to read the magazine he stole from the dentist yesterday, as revenge for having to be there. It's months old, but some of the recipes are still interesting.
Kravitz makes a face like he is trying, with all his might, not to telegraph how confused and frustrated he is. Too bad. Consider that code morsed, buckaroo. Tappity tap tap, you've betrayed how you feel. Better luck when the telephone gets invented.
"It's just," he says. "I did not think you were interested in musicals. Or this musical, specifically. Or being in the musical that I am running, and taking very seriously, by the way."
"Did I do a bad job in my audition?" Taako audibly turns a sleek page, and pretends to be interested in Cheez-it encrusted lamb nuggets. "You don't have to give me a call back if I'm not right for the part."
"No," Kravitz sighs, shaking his head. He clutches his bag close, like it will be a weapon against the great unknown of Taako's mysterious motives. "You were–amazing. I was afraid we weren't going to have a villain this round. You- Taako- " Kravitz walks over and grips the back of the couch. Taako looks So Very Incredibly Casually up at him, smirking. "You absolutely bodied your audition."
"Cool," Taako says, like it doesn't matter at all. Like, oh, chips were on sale? That's nice, maybe we'll make some dip. Maybe not. "I thought there was uh, a process for letting people know they're in."
"There is!" Kravitz stresses. "But we live together. Taako, we live together, I've known you for almost two months now, I've been talking about this musical all summer, and I've never heard you sing! What- I didn't know you even knew where the playhouse was!"
"Google maps," Taako provides helpfully. He closes his magazine thoughtfully. Maybe tomorrow he will get some Cheez-its. Lamb nuggets can't be that bad, can they?
"That's not my question!" Kravitz looks, get this, confused and frustrated. It's hard not to laugh right at him.
"What is your question?" Picture of innocence. Stock photo of a sky-blue day. Motives? What motives?
"Why did you try out for my musical??"
"Bored. Sounded fun," Taako says with a shrug.
"Are you interested in musicals??" Kravitz looks like the unhingedness of this line of interrogation is dawning on him a little late.
"Who isn't?"
"Taako!" That grip on the couch is so tight. Fuck, he's gorgeous. Maybe a little dim, though.
"Kravitz!" Taako grins. "Did you not want me there? Is there a problem? I thought this roommate thing was going okay."
"It-" Kravitz throws his hands in the air and huffs. "You're allowed to be there!"
"Oh good," Taako says, playing as stupid as he can manage with a straight face. "Not gonna get arrested today. Probably."
"Taako-"
"I mean you never know," Taako adds conversationally. "Always good to be prepared."
"Are you going to take this seriously??"
"Course," Taako says, and shrugs.
"You're not just doing it to fuck with me??" Kravitz. Darling. Really? Your first guess is that he's being mean, and not trying to follow you to a second location because he doesn't want to miss out on his Kravitz time? Sabotage, and not ooey-gooey crush the likes of which an adult ought not have to suffer?? Has Taako been Too Subtle?
"Why would I do that?" Taako tosses the magazine onto the side table. The two of them watch the whole pile of shit slide slowly onto the floor. Sheet music and snacks and playbooks and photos and maybe the lost remote go all over in slow motion. Taako looks back at Kravitz. Kravitz looks pinched. Calzone of a dude here. Dumpling, even. What's in your pocket, guy? What savory morsels are you withholding?
"I don't know," he says, after a long, painful moment. "But I'm going to find out." And he turns and marches toward his room.
Wuh oh. Maybe they got two very different messages on what this story is about. Should he say something?
Then again…Taako doesn't mind an enemies to lovers plot. Not one bit.
#taz#taakitz#tazb#the adventure zone#the adventure zone balance#fan5fics#taz balance#taakitz fic#thank you!!#clearing out my inbox
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MCU Men Raising an Infant With You (Pregnancy Headcanons//Pt.4)
MASTERLIST // TAG LIST REQUEST FORM
Requests are open!
A/N: This is part 4/5 of the pregnancy headcanons that were requested a while back! I have one more part planned covering the men raising a toddler/young kids, etc. Basically, it's going to be domestic bliss! Also, currently getting ready to watch game 6 of the world series, and as a life-long Astro's fan, I'm asking for prayers that we win tonight! Send one up for Altuve, y'all. That man is my baby daddy fr.
Link to Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Frank Castle:
When you wake up in the middle of the night in pain and clutch Frank’s shoulder, he’s up and moving before you can blink.
He had packed a “go bag” a few weeks prior, just in case the baby came early.
You waddle to the door, clutching Frank’s shoulder as another contraction hits you.
As Frank drives you to the hospital, the concern on his face grows as your contractions get closer and closer together. He knows every woman’s birth is different, but yours seems a little too fast to be safe.
He doesn’t mention any of this to you because he doesn’t want to scare you.
As soon as your doctor sees you, she rushes you into the delivery room, Frank hot on her tail.
Frank holds your hand throughout the process, not even blinking when you squeeze his hand hard enough to break it.
He mumbles encouraging words in your ear as you breathe through the pain.
Your labor ended up being less than 90 minutes long, the fastest birth Frank had ever witnessed, and your baby girl was deemed healthy and so cute.
Frank tears up when he finally gets to hold her, rocking her gently and cooing.
Frank swears she looks just like you but you definitely see some Frank in her.
“What should we name her?” You ask, content to watch Frank in this moment forever.
“Anything you want, baby.”
“Lucia Maria Castle? We could call her Lucy.”
“That’s perfect. You’re both perfect.”
When you finally get to bring the baby home, Frank takes a solid 15 minutes to climb the two flights of stairs to your apartment with Lucia in her baby carrier.
Frank holds her like she’s the most precious thing in the world (she is).
Frank has to remind himself that this is your first baby, so he takes things slow and explains things to you patiently, but only if you ask! No mansplaining in this house!
When Lucia wakes up hungry in the middle of the night, Frank insists on being the one to go get her and bring her to you. He doesn’t want you to strain yourself too much while you heal.
He stays up with you, running his fingers through your hair while the baby’s being fed.
If you ever mention something about your post-baby body in a negative way, Frank shuts that down real quick.
“You created a life, and you looked beautiful doing it. You’re always beautiful, sweetheart. Don’t talk about yourself like that.”
Sometimes he’ll play the guitar while you hold her to help her fall asleep.
Even though you’re both sleep deprived and exhausted, he always makes sure to show you love and affection throughout the day and night, especially once the doctor gives you the okay to make more babies.
He’ll hug you from behind while you’re cooking or kiss your forehead as he walks by you in the hallway.
Frank is a literal sweetheart of a dad to Lucia, and you very nearly cry every time you see him interacting with her.
His big ass hands holding such a tiny little baby I can’t take it anymore someone give Frank a baby NEOWWWWW
One night, after rocking Lucia to sleep, you tell Frank you want another one once Lucia gets a little older. Frank is all too happy to take you up on that offer.
Matt Murdock:
Watch me make shit up about Matt’s hearing abilities
A few days before your due date, you’re reading to Matt when he visibly stiffens and sits straight up, looking at you with concern.
You have no idea what's going on, but Matt rushes to the bedroom to grab the bag of stuff you had packed for the arrival of the twins. You can hear him calling Foggy in the other room.
“Matt, is everything okay?”
“Labor. Twins. I can hear it. We gotta go.”
You didn’t fully understand how Matt’s abilities worked, but you trusted him enough to push yourself out of your chair and waddle towards the front door.
Foggy showed up so fast you were half convinced he had been sleeping in his car waiting for Matt’s phone call.
You didn’t grasp the situation until you were walking into the ER entrance at the hospital and a sharp pain ran through your stomach.
The labor delivery nurses said it was ‘such a weird coincidence’ that you happened to be walking into the ER while you went into labor. Matt smiles politely as they complement how well you knew your own body.
The birth is rough – you clench Matt’s hands, Matt prays under his breath, you push not one but two babies out of you.
The twins are born 8 minutes apart, happy and as healthy as can be.
Matt’s in utter shock for a few minutes, completely overwhelmed with emotions as he holds the twins for the first time.
You and Matt had decided on names for the twins weeks ago but saying them out loud for the first time turns Matt into a blubbering mess: Elias Nelson Murdock and Rosalie Blaire Murdock.
When you introduce Foggy to Elias and reveal his middle name, Foggy also turns into a blubbering mess.
When you bring the twins home, you can tell Matt is anxious, but trying his best to help you in any way he can.
Being that he has such keen hearing, he’s a master at rocking the babies to sleep. He’s also in tune to their breathing, so when they inevitably wake up in the middle of the night, he’s usually already halfway to the nursery.
One night, after putting the babies to sleep, Matt asks you to describe what they look like to him. He has his own picture, and he’s able to feel their faces to fill in the gaps, but he wants to know how you see them.
“They’re perfect, Matty. They have your strong nose and your beautiful eyes. They look like little versions of you.”
Matt wraps you in his arms and leaves kisses all over your face and neck, whispering how much he loves you and the family you gave him.
Billy Russo:
Billy is a nervous wreck when you go into labor.
When he’s not holding your hand through a contraction, he’s pacing the hospital room.
When the doctor says there’s a complication, Billy’s face goes white. He grabs your hand and pulls it to his chest, directly over his heart.
The baby is caught up in the umbilical cord, so they’re going to have to perform an emergency c-section.
“I want to be in there with you, but it’s up to you.”
“Of course I want you in there, Billy. You’re his dad. You’re my...baby daddy? Roommate? Boyfriend? What do I call you?”
“Let’s get married.” Billy breathes.
“Oh my god. You would pick right now to propose to me, Billy.”
When they pull the baby out of you, Billy looks like he’s going to pass out. (Did y’all know they have to remove your organs to get the baby out????? Like they fr put your intestines on the table next to you!)
You can’t feel a thing, but when the baby lets out a loud wail, tears begin to pour down your face. Billy rubs your head, kissing the tears as they fall and smiling down at you.
Billy is smitten with the baby as soon as he holds him in his arms.
You both decide to name him Theodore Russo – Theo for short.
The first night you and Billy bring Theo home, Billy sits in the chair next to Theo’s crib all night, watching him sleep.
Billy is a literal super dad to Theo.
He always offers to change Theo’s diapers and will quite literally run to the store to get you anything you need while you recover from the c-section.
He constantly refers to you as his fiancé, even though you technically didn’t say yes when he asked.
You both know that your answer is yes anyways lol.
When Billy has to go back to work, you and Theo end up missing him more than you expected to.
Billy tells you to visit him at work whenever you want, and the first time you and Theo show up, Billy takes you and Theo around and introduces you to everyone (and I mean literally everyone).
He’ll be instructing a team on some kind of military tactic while also holding an infant in one of those fuzzy bear onesies. (im melting someone give ben barnes a CHILD!!!!!)
Bucky Barnes:
When it’s finally time for you to be induced, Bucky is so excited he has to keep himself from jumping up and down.
Due to the high risk of your pregnancy, a c-section ends up being the safest birth plan.
Bucky looks so cute in the blue hair cap and scrub gown.
The birth goes as smoothly as a c-section can go, though Bucky does apologize to you for knocking you up after he sees them cutting into you.
Bucky’s smile is so wide when he finally gets to hold the baby.
You name him Jessie Steven Barnes, after Steve Rogers (because let’s be real, bucky would DEFINITELY name his first born after steve).
You fall in love with Bucky all over again watching him rock the baby to sleep.
“You look so natural like this. As a dad.”
“Wanna know something crazy? I think this is the most terrified I’ve ever been.”
“What do you mean?”
“I met you, and now we have a family, and I feel like this is the first time I’ve ever truly understood what peace feels like. It’s scary, because it’s new. I’m excited too, though. For this life with you.”
You and Bucky constantly argue over whose turn it is to hold the baby.
Bucky warming up his metal arm before picking up Jessie so he doesn’t get too cold.
Jessie ends up having the same icy blue eyes that Bucky does, which is aggravating, because you know he’ll be able to get away with anything by just batting his pretty little eyes at you.
Bucky and you haven’t talked about having more kids together, but you’re pretty sure he wouldn’t like the idea of another high-risk pregnancy for you. If anything, surrogacy would be the route of choice.
When you ask Bucky about it, he tells you that he’s happy no matter what you choose to do. More kids or not, he’ll be happy with the life he gets to live with you.
Peter Parker (Tom Holland):
Peter is already an anxious son of a bitch, so when I tell you this man is ANXIOUS AS HELL when you go into labor, I'm not exaggerating.
Peter is one of those people that rambles when they’re nervous, so he pretty much doesn’t stop talking until you cover his mouth with your hand and tell him to breathe.
The irony of you telling him to breathe while you’re literally the one having contractions is not lost on either of you, and you both giggle about it.
He’s a doll during the birth – pushing your hair out of your face, holding your hand, telling you how good you’re doing.
You’re both anxious to find out the gender of the baby, so when the doctor announces that it’s a girl, both of you are overwhelmed with emotions.
“Have you decided what you’re going to name her?” The doctor asks, handing you the baby.
“May Parker.”
Peter is a puddle of tears in this moment don’t even get me started.
"Who do you think she looks like more?"
"I can't tell. She sort of looks like an alien right now."
"So definitely you then?"
Having a boyfriend with spider-like powers ends up being so helpful while taking care of an infant.
Peter doesn’t have to worry about forgetting to grab anything when he’s changing May because he can just grab whatever it is with his webs lol.
May loves to take naps on a little web cradle Peter designed and has to remake every few hours.
It may all seem like sunshine and rainbows, but it’s just as hard as you thought it would be.
Whenever you and Peter think you have extra money, something comes up for May.
Neither of you complain about it, because May is this beautiful little human that you both created and love, but it would be nice if Spider-Man was a paid gig.
Even when both of you come home from work exhausted, you’re both so excited to be parents that you don’t let it affect how you interact with May.
You spend your nights cuddled into Peter’ side, forever grateful for the strange and unconventional family you have.
End Note: I hope you enjoyed this! I tried not to overlap any of the headcanons, but we all know these men are freaking sweethearts and would LOVE a baby so much. If you want to be added to the tag list for the 5th and final part, you can fill out this form!
Tag List:
@purple-amaranthe @raajali3 @kokoterainonago666 @minervadashwood @emiemiemiii @h4rrys @mylifeispainandiloveit @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv
(Also tagging the people who asked for specific character tags below!)
@xleiaorgana @mukbee @dilfs5678 @blackwidownat2814 @mymamalife @messymissy @soft-emo-enby @brookiecookiez0 @raajali3
#frank castle x reader#frank castle x you#frank castle headcanon#matt murdock x you#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock headcanon#billy russo x reader#billy russo x you#billy russo headcanons#matt murdock headcanons#frank castle headcanons#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes headcanons#bucky barnes headcanon#peter parker x you#peter parker x reader#peter parker headcanons#peter parker headcanon#peter parker#frank castle#billy russo#bucky barnes#matt murdock#requested#amhrosina
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Have we talked about d word Matty making girlie squirt for the first time?
we have not... but i think it happens when he comes home from tour, and you've been apart for a while. as soon as he gets through the front door and drops his bags, he's scooping you up so he can kiss you sweetly (and a bit tearily) and say "missed you more than anything. i love you so much"; after a little bit of that, though, the kisses get a bit more hungry, and matty's carrying you to bed and laying you down and moaning when he sees the new lingerie set you're wearing under his t-shirt. you offer to go down on him, but matty's adamant he's going to make YOU feel good - very "need to eat you out, princess, dreamt about it every fucking night. can i, sweet girl? need you all over my mouth. will you be good for daddy, let me get my head between your legs?", which of course you enthusiastically agree to. and he's HUNGRY, just continuously pulling orgasms from you with his mouth, pretty much adamant he's staying down there until his fucking jaw locks or some shit (but he keeps a close eye on you to make sure you're alright, asking you for your colours frequently); matty only stops when you physically drag him away from your cunt by the hair and whimper out a request for him to fuck you, something like "need you inside me, daddy, please please please please", just whimpering. and matty just coos "whatever you want, princess, my good girl" before making sure you're comfy and just sliding into you - you both breathe a sigh of relief as he bottoms out, just so content to be back together in the most intimate way, but it's mutually agreed that you're too het up for the usual slow, loving reunion sex, so matty starts to fuck you hard and fast. naturally, considering how fucked you already are, it doesn't take long before you're cumming again - matty's like "wanna get you off as many times as i can, baby, make up for all the times i couldn't while i was away. i'm sorry i wasn't here to make you feel good, princess, sorry you had to resort to doing it yourself. s'not as good without me, is it? it's no good without you, either, you and this perfect little pussy. never want to leave it, fuck, wish i could stay like this forever. i think you'd like that too, yeah?", and you're so overwhelmed by it all that you can do nothing but whine "mhmm". when matty gets close, he brings his thumb to your clit like "have you got one more in you, perfect girl? i think you have. cum for me, princess, cum all over daddy's cock one last time"; the words and the overstimulation just shatter something inside you, and with a cry you gush all over both matty and you, given that he fucks you through it. it's so hot that it just triggers matty's orgasm, too - he buries his face in your neck as he cums in you, just whining "oh fuck, jesus christ, that was the hottest fucking thing i've ever seen. i love you, i love you, i love you", before kissing you like "you alright, princess? that was new". and you're a bit out of it but still smiley like "yeah... s'so good. tired, need to clean it up. s'messy. but hot", and matty smiles like "don't worry, sweetheart, i'll clean you and everything else up and then we can rest, yeah? just give me a minute to recover. and process what just happened lol" <3
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Jinpachi Ego as a father (headcanons)
Dad!Ego lives rent free in my head. Thanks to my father complex. So, I have two VERY different headcanons for Dad!Ego, which means you’re getting two for the price of one right here.
I have a version for Dad!Ego who pushes his kid to become the world’s best striker and Dad!Ego who doesn’t push his kid towards soccer.
Also feel free to insert yourself as his kid because honestly this was intentioned to be a child!reader insert at first, but I ended up writing in third person.
Anyways, on to the headcanons!
WARNINGS: child neglect (but with a positive change in the first, rather negative in the second)
Dad!Ego who doesn’t push his kid to be a soccer player
-you know how Ego calls the Blue Lock player his diamonds in the rough? He’d call his kid his diamond or gem because he loves his kid so much they’re perfect to him
-he’s a single father and has full custody of his kid. Mother is out of the picture
-before the Blue Lock project I imagine him having a bunch of time for his kid,, but as soon as the Blue Lock project starts? Child neglect. Sadly.
-he works all day every day. I assume he lives in the Blue Lock facility, so his kid lives there as well
-when Ego is busy he tells Anri to take care of his kid. At first she was very confused, but at some point it became routine
-his kid misses spending time with their dad a lot. Probably tells Anri something about it. She feels bad for the kid and decides to talk to Ego about it
-at first he doesn't want to listen and pushes Anri away. But after some more thought he realises he really hasn't been spending lots of time with his kid
-Ego tries to improve as a father, even though the process is slow and he tends to fall back into the "I'm busy right now, ask Anri if she wants to play."
-he's trying his best and he's a good dad at heart but I wouldn't put a child into his hands during the Blue Lock project
Dad!Ego who wants his kid to be a soccer player
-so uhm. Very similar to the first headcanons. But worse.
-also single father Ego because I can NOT picture this man in a relationship like that
-he'd start teaching soccer to his kid literally the moment they can walk and then the daily soccer training starts
-at first it's light and fun, but the older the kid gets the more Ego pushes them towards reaching a professional soccer career
-he wants to turn his kid into the world's best striker. He wants to see how intense training from the earliest age possible helps creating a great striker (I swear I came up with this before Hiori's backstory was out)
-the early practise pays off, tho. The kid is probably amazing at soccer and way ahead of other kids their age
-when the Blue Lock project starts, shit gets worse
-like,,, Ego doesn't have time for his kid anymore. The only time they do spend together is soccer practise
-Ego doesn't do it intentionally, but all of this makes his kid think that their only valid worth towards Ego is when they succeed in soccer
-in some way, that's true.
-Ego sees almost all of his kid's worth in their possible soccer career. But come on, Ego isn't heartless. He loves his kid unconditionally. He just makes it come off as if he only loves them under the condition of them being great at soccer
-basically, he has a good heart with his kid but is super bad at showing it. Like extremely bad. Bad to a point where it damages his kid.
-the kid constantly tries to impress Ego but he's kind of,,, harder to amaze since he started seeing how the Blue Lock players play and improve, even tho there's an age difference between them and his kid
-ngl I wanna write a oneshot about this. Might have to at some point
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Eustass Kid x reader
WARNING: This story contains elements that might be triggering for some viewers...elements include
talk of severe abuse
Bathing together
Scars
Consensual scar touching
Self image/ self worth issues
Sfw/fluff
You and Kid have been together for three months, and you've told Kid about your previous partner. However you never really went into depth about how bad you were treated. Understanding that it is a very touchy subject, Kid never pushed you to tell him about it. You hated the way you body looked, the scars littering your skin. Your ex had you convinced that your body was disgusting. Kid however was nothing but patient with you, which to most, sounds impossible.
"(Y/N)," you heard Kid say "you hear me?"
Looking at him you shook your head "Uh, no sorry, I was...in a daze."
"I asked if you wanted to take a bath with me." He said with a smile on his face.
"Umm..." you say hesitantly "I....I..."
As you struggle to answer, Kid looked at you with a questioning expression "Hey, you ok? I'm not gonna force you to."
Giving him a slight smile you respond with "Yeah...a bath sounds nice."
Kid gives you a smile and takes your hand, leading to the bathroom. He turns on the water to fill the tub while you just....stand there. Your thoughts begin to get too loud as you wait for the bath to fill. As he undresses and gets in, he looks back at you.
"Hey," he said trying to snap you out of your daze "you getting in or what love?"
You stood there and stared at him, really wanting to join him. However, the little voice in your head told you he'd be repulsed. That he'd be disgusted by your scars.
"I" you said nervously "I have something I need to tell you."
You now had Kids full attention. The look on his face told you that he knew this was gonna be serious. Nodding his head, Kid waited for you to continue.
"My ex," you said with a stuttering breath "uh...they beat me..for things like crying or making a simple mistake. They also would lock me outside and make fun of my weight."
Kids expression turns into rage, but he repressed it for your sake. Staying quiet, he nods in understanding. Giving you a reassuring smile, Kid waits for you to continue.
"They ignored me," you continued "made me feel.....insignificant."
His expression turns slightly sad, and he wasn't going to say anything till you were done. Just thinking about what your ex did to you makes him feel sick.
"Ok," he said trying to process what you told him "so do you still wanna do this or..no."
Shaking your head you heaved a sigh "No I very much want to do this with you...I'm just.....scared."
Kid gave you an understanding nod "And that's fine. Just go slow ok? Dont rush yourself."
Taking a deep breath, you nodded at him. With shaky hands, you got undressed. Standing there in front of him, was so hard. The scars that littered your body were now fully exposed to him. As you looked up at him, Kid reached out a hand for you to take.
"Whenever you're ready," he said "don't push yourself."
He held your hand as you stood there, patiently waiting for you to get in. Eventually, you took a step in the hot bath with him. Sitting down in front of him, you stared into the water. Your back faced him, so all your scars were in his view.
"You doing ok? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." He asked quietly.
"I," you said in a small voice "yeah, I'm ok."
Kid stayed quiet, not knowing what to say or do "What... what can I do?"
You thought about the question..."I....don't know. "
He's quiet....he's never quiet. However you feel him lightly trace one of your scars. To which you flinches instinct.
"Shit," he muttered "sorry I should've asked first."
"No no," you said quickly "that was just pure instinct, you're fine. Its ok."
After a while, he continues to lightly stroke your scars. You tremble slightly under his touch, to which he places his hand in the center of your back. Eventually you feel him lightly blow on your skin, giving you slight shivers as he goes over your shoulders. It feels.....soothing......and calming.
"This feel ok?" He asks as he continues to softly blow on your skin.
"Y-yeah," you said slightly surprised "this is......nice."
He reaches over and grabs the shampoo bottle "Alright love," he said "lean back."
You did as he asked and leaned back so he could wash your hair. As he did, you let out a content hum. Kids fingers gently scrubbed your scalp, and you didn't want it to be over. He then rinsed out your hair and grabbed the body wash. Pouring some into his hand, he looks over at you.
"You alright with this," He asked "I don't want to push you."
You gave him a little nod "Yeah...go ahead babe."
He nods back in understanding. Slowly he begins washing your back. Moving his hands to spread the soap around your shoulders and down your spine. His hands glide over your arms, down your shoulder blades. You're so in the moment that you don't notice as his hands go to your sides. His fingers slide into your armpits, giving you a little tickle.
"Hey!" You said laughing. "Kid wait, nohoho!"
He stopped and held your hips, giving you a little kiss on your shoulder. Kid guides you to lean back against his chest.
"Your ex wasn't a man," he said slightly angry "a real man would protect his woman with his life."
That broke the dam in your eyes. You start to full on sob in his arms. Kid only holds you tighter as you cry. His arms encase you in a comforting and warm hug. You've never felt this much love in your entire life.
Kid leans over to drain the water that had grown cold. He picked you up as he got out of the tub, wrapping you in a towel. Setting you on the toilet, he dried himself off, before giving you a little kiss on the cheek and drying you as well. Kid picked you up once more to carry you into the bedroom, giving you tiny neck kisses as he walked.
He sets you on the bed, ditching the towel, and helps you get dressed in a simple tank top and sweatshorts. After getting dressed himself, he lays on the bed, pulling you into his arms with him.
"I love you" Kid said as he kisses your cheek.
You snuggle into his arms more "I love you too."
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Day 6 -- Person A Knows Person B's Coffee Order
let's try that again!
just wanna shout out @doctorsteths-fluffyfeb again, because i'm having a good time writing, but also having a good time reading. so if you're all not on that shit, get into it!!
warnings: cussing cause i literally cannot; mentions of them on a case but nothing graphic
pairing: hotch x reader sorta (use of y/n) they're not actually together and they don't actually get together, but you'll see
word count: 769
a/n: i know how super late i am pls forgive me <33
Coffee was the lifeblood of the BAU. The driving force that kept them going the long hours they had to work. The sweet nectar that fueled their bodies and minds.
And this coffee at the tiny mid-western precinct they were currently at fucking sucked. And that was putting it mildly.
“I can’t do this. It’s been days and I need decent coffee in my system”, you say standing up. “I need a break anyway.”
The case was going…slow. Well, more accurately the team’s progress was going slow. The unsub was decidedly not slow. He was leaving a trail of bodies quicker than you could process the evidence. And yet, you were no closer to actually catching him.
Frustrated by not only the lack of breaks in the case, but the added insult of shitty coffee was almost unbearable.
“I’ll make a quick run - let me know what you all want”, you say to the room at large as you put on your coat, which includes Rossi, Derek, Spencer, and Emily.
After getting their drinks all written down, you head to ask Hotch and JJ. You find them in an office that’s being repurposed for the BAU’s benefit.
“Hey guys”, you say hanging onto the doorframe. “I’m going on a coffee run. Do you want anything?”
“Oh, tea would be amazing, thanks”, JJ says with a smile.
Hotch nods and opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, you cut him off pointing a finger at him, “A large black coffee, no cream, 1 sugar. I know.” Then you’re out of the door before Hotch can do much more than nod again, quite uselessly.
He’s staring into the space you just were, mouth slightly open. He didn’t think anybody paid attention to his usual order. He didn’t think you paid attention. He’d be an absolute liar if he said his heart didn’t clench almost painfully in his chest. The thought of someone listening and picking up on what he likes – well, not just somebody, but you. It’s enough to keep him from doing anything useful for a lot longer than he’d like to admit. Hoping beyond hope that his cheeks were not pinkening.
It’s not until JJ pointedly coughs that Aaron is snapped out of it, head jerking towards the blonde. She gives him a knowing smirk, before going back to the notepad in front of her. Purposefully (and very professionally) not mentioning the coloring occurring on his face and his ears.
Some time later, JJ has moved back to the conference room leaving Hotch alone in “his” office to scribble away at the endless reports.
Lost in the writing and rewriting he’s felt he’s been constantly doing since he got here, he doesn’t hear footsteps approaching. It’s not until he hears the soft thud of the cardboard coffee cup on his desk, that he stops. He looks up to see you looking at him with a soft, almost shy smile.
He looks at you like he’s seeing you for the first time.
Your timid smile. The way your eyes meet his before quickly flitting away. Teeth worrying your bottom lip.
How he never saw it before is absolutely beyond him.
“Here you go, boss”, you say softly.
You both just stare at each other, restrained smiles on your faces.
The seconds turn into minutes, before you shake your head as if you’re clearing your thoughts away like an etch-a-sketch. “I also got some snacks if you’d like”, thumb pointing over your shoulder. “They’re in the conference room.”
Aaron is too stunned to say or do anything. This sudden realization that maybe, just maybe, you could feel the same way as him is overwhelming.
When he doesn’t respond, you give him a jerky nod of your head before turning around and making your way out the room.
Hotch says your name so softly, you turn around quickly, almost in alarm.
Remembering that they’re on an active case and he’s still the goddamn unit chief, he catches himself before he says something incredibly telling.
“Thank you”, he says instead.
You look at him, brows furrowing for a brief second, eyes roaming his face and posture for something. Something he left unsaid, something he was going to say, something you wanted him to say – you weren’t sure. So you simply look him in the eyes, a small almost smirk on your face, and give him a nod before making your way back to the conference room. Leaving Hotch in his makeshift office alone with the coffee you got him, the swirling thoughts inside his head, and the ache in his chest.
#criminalmindsfandom#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds oneshot#criminal minds#hotch criminal minds#aaron hotch fanfiction#aaron hotch fluff#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotch x you#aaron hotch fic#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner one shot#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotch hotchner#ssa aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x bau!reader#hotch#hotch x reader#hotch x you#bau team#jennifer jareau#jj#hotch fluff#fluff#fluffy february#tw cussing#cussing warning#doctorstethsfluffyfeb
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Hello, Haru simp here! The one that asked for his affinity lines (thank you very much!!!) (*｀▽´*) need you to know that so many thoughts have plagued my mind after reading them many times that it's become obligatory every time I come across your blog while scrolling through the driest tag on tumblr known as tokyo dubunker 😭 I wanna take care of him so badly! Make him get all the rest he needs and eat 3 full balanced meals every day >:(
Maybe I should punish him by edging him, you know? Only good boys who get the necessary amount of sleep and don't skip out on meals get to come ✨️ if he begs enough, maybe I'll give him what he wants (definitely not gonna overstimulate him so badly nooo couldn't be me *rubs hands together evilly or some shit*) this is so fucking mild, but yeah :) feel free to hand over any thoughts of yours please 👀
belated HELLO WELCOME BACK HARU SIMP! :D and kdsjhfiueh WELL NOW I FEEL BAD THAT I HAVEN'T PUT THEM ALL IN. I mean I already felt kinda bad about i tbut. I'll get around to that and you can have a few more crumbs, although usually when I left out lines back then it was because they weren't as interesting imo haha. BUT YOU NEED YOUR CRUMBS.
I don't really go through the tags because. I already don't have enough time for the things i wanna do lol and i'd probably get annoyed by negativity in there since i'm here for a good time. But it's a pretty small fandom and we go a month between updates(and the game pretty much just came out what last month?) so it's understandable that there's not usually much going on in the tags!
I think he'd appreciate the intent but he'd ABSOLUTELY DODGE THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR ATTEMPTS TO MAKE HIM TAKE BETTER CARE OF HIMSELF he's ~too busy~ for quality self care, anon!!! Disregard that he goes out and gets drunk on like a nightly basis. . . . But I get the care urges anon. By god I need him to eat properly at the very least. Especially since his stigma causes him to like have a weakened immune system? or was it always weak i don't remember what exactly Nicolas said. like BUDDY YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.
hehehe mild thoughts are also welcome anon. just because i'm a bit of a filthmonger doesn't mean i don't enjoy mild kinks or sweet things.
You might have to trick him into it a little bit, but he'd probably think it's clever/funny of you to try and force him to eat or sleep by denying him or overstimulating him! It's not like he's doing it on purpose! He can't just not be busy no matter how much you overstimulate him!!! He can't just find free time even if he doesn't get to cum! Wouldn't it be better to feed him while you have sex and then let him take a nap after he cums!? You can stay for sleepy cuddles if you want-- Or maybe you can help him or bring him food or convince Towa and Ren to help, then he'll have a little more time!
If he can't convince you into another strategy, he'll let you have your way and let you try and edge him--but you're gonna have to be committed. He's got a lot of patience and stubbornness--and he's kind of used to being disappointed so edging him is a slow process. But with enough time and effort he'll start to squirm a bit. He's leaking all over your hand the whole way. Little by little he starts to squirm and buck and his cock starts to twitch and he starts to say less and less. Occasionally he whinges or groans or tells you how unfair you're being about all of this. He knows you want him to beg but he can't compromise on this, he can't, it's better that he just tries not to talk at all because if he opens his mouth he is not going to be able to stop begging and he doesn't think he can uphold a promise to take better care of himself--but eventually he breaks and starts begging once it gets to be too much. He's so sensitive after everything, he doesn't think he can do it but he has to come so if you want him to beg you can hear it!!!
When you finally get him to agree to try and eat and sleep enough tomorrow and let him cum it's a lot. You almost think you overdid it the way it sounds like he might be sobbing from relief totally not your fault he's stubborn though-- between the shaky moans and cries, but he just kind of. Conks out after coming. He works too much and that was a lot on his body. But, hey, after he wakes up from his post-nut nap and gets you both cleaned up he sleeps through the night! It's a start!!!
(this care effort lasts maybe a day before he's back to the usual, of course. No rest for the weary! There's just too much to do!! You'll forgive him, right?)
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Ion & Emily - Ion's First Night Out
(Ion & Emily master post)
It's just my luck that the bank I decided to hit on my very first night out is already in the process of being robbed when I get there. I gotta admit, they're doing a pretty good job. They've disabled the silent alarm, cracked the vault and have already loaded several bags with cash by the time I get there. I was hoping for just a clean robbery, but I guess tonight is gunna be baby's first fist fight.
I don't *need* to fight them. I could just go find another bank. The thing is, I scoped this one in particular out. I spent all week planning this, I'm hyped for it.
And I had a contingency section in my planning binder for this, so I'm prepared. Technically the contingency is "non-lethal countermeasures for security personnel", but I figure there's enough overlap that it doesn't make a huge difference. I pull the security cameras back online, but route the signal into the equipment in my backpack.
Yes, I'm recording this. If it goes badly, I can play it back later and see where I went wrong. If it goes well, I can edit it all together and post it online for my grand debut.
I've also got three mini drones with me, I unclip them from my belt and let them loose. Between the cameras and the drones, I count three guys. I can take three guys in a fight, right?
First guy goes down before he even knows I'm there. I hit him in the back with the electrified gloves I cobbled together this week. I'm honestly actually kinda surprised I even got close enough to do that.
Second guy takes a little more effort. He shouts and takes a few swings. I think tech powers may have sped up my reflexes just a tiny bit, since I manage to avoid him long enough to get another shock in.
Third guy… oh shit!
One of my drones pings me with an urgent alert. I fall to the ground and roll behind a desk as the gunshot rings out. The bullet smacks into the wall right in front of where I was just standing. Not gunna lie, I'm fucking terrified, but I did plan for this. Looks like this is baby's first gunfight top.
I send my drones swarming around his head like angry hornets, tagging him is the face with spray paint as they buzz past. He flails wildly and I slip in and deliver a shock that crumples him to the ground.
I stand there, panting for a moment. Holy shit, I did it. I won!
I stride over to one of the pile of bulging duffle bags. I'm pragmatic, I know I can't carry more than one of them out of here. That's fine, I don't actually need the money, I'm mostly just doing this for funsies. I unzip one and holy wow, there's gotta be at least a couple hundred thousand bucks of cashy money in here!
My feeling of victory is cut short by the sound of someone slow clapping behind me. I whirl around and… aw fuck.
It's Jackrabbit in his gray and white supersuit. He's the local speedster and a card carrying member of the league of superheroes.
I do not have a contingency section in my binder for an encounter with a superhero. I was hoping to work my way up to this. You know, hit a couple banks, build a reputation and an arsenal… maybe actually put together a binder for actually fighting another super.
"Good job, kid!" he says, folding his arms and leaning cockily against a column. "For a moment, I thought you might need some help, but you handled yourself pretty good."
Kid?? This guy is like five years younger than me.
"I'm twenty-seven," I say flatly. Probably not the smartest move, but he's got my ire up.
He flashes a smile that I think is supposed to be disarming. I'm not disarmed.
"Sorry," he continues. "I haven't seen you around and you got the whole… newbie vibe going. I mean, you are wearing cosplay."
I don't say anything, I just glower menacingly as my mind races. He's got speed. Even if I do have heightened reflexes, they aren't going to count for shit if he can take me down faster than I can blink.
"You know," he says, running his eyes over my costume in a way that makes me feel dirty, "we've got top notch tailors at the Tower. We can hook you up with all the best gear if you join up."
"Yeah, not interested," I reply.
He snaps a finger and makes a face of mock annoyance.
"Yeah, I kinda figured, the way you got that bag in your hand. But you know what they say, villain and vulture both start with V."
The fuck? I very much doubt anyone in the history of anything has said that. I think it's supposed to be a joke, but… what??
Okay, focus. What do I got? Tech powers. What's he got? Super speed… and a whole lot of super high tech gadgets. He's got two way communicators. He's got a full wraparound visor with an AR HUD. He's got… some kind of electrostatic friction control in his boots. The security on the devices isn't half bad, but I've already found several exploits to open up a back door.
I've got the beginnings of a plan and the means to execute it.
"Tell you what," he says. "A pretty girl like you doesn't need to get beat up on her first heist. You leave the money and walk out of here, no fuss. All you gotta do is tell me your name."
My… name. I don't have one yet. I have a shortlist of my favorites, but I haven't settled on one. The camera's are running though. I guess it's time for some villainy. I draw myself up and strike a dramatic pose, checking myself in the camera feeds. I turn up the brightness of the led strips in my costume, bathing me in poisonous green.
"No deal," I say imperiously. "But I will give you my name. It's Ion."
He cocks his head in confusion.
"So what?" he asks. "You got like electricity powers or something?"
Yeah, I probably could have gone with a different name more in line with my abilities, but Ion spoke to me in the moment and I'm committed now. All aboard the Ion train!
"Not exactly," I reply and trigger the worm I've installed in his gear.
Okay, full disclosure: my plan is cowardly. I have no illusions about that. That's the great thing about being a villain though. I don't need to be heroic. I don't even need to win. I just need to escape with my bag of money. All other considerations secondary. Crew expendable.
Just kidding, if I had a crew, they wouldn't be expendable. They would receive fair pay with excellent benefits and two months paid vacation.
Anyway, the worm activates and he's completely locked out of his visor as the video plays on his HUD at full opacity. His earpieces are dialed all the way up (not enough to cause any permanent damage, I'm not a monster) and the music starts blasting.
He shouts in alarm and rips the earpieces out. The volume is up high enough to hear the dulcet tones of Rick Astley as they clatter to the ground:
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
His earpieces are out, but the video's still going on his visor, effectively blinding him. He wants to take it off so badly, but there are too many cameras and he's too well trained to reveal his secret identity like that. You might say he's… he's never gonna… okay, I'll stop.
At this point, I'm sprinting for the door. Against a speedster, every second counts and if I can make it outside, my chances of escape improve significantly.
Jackrabbit shouts after me. For good measure, I have my drones splatter paint on his visor before zipping after me. They'll never catch up at this point, but at least if they make it outside, they can stash themselves somewhere until I can recover them.
The last thing I see through the security cameras before I cut the feed is Jackrabbit falling flat on his ass. My worm's last parting gift is overriding the friction controls on his boots. I guess he uses it for improved maneuverability or something, but for this glorious moment it belongs to me.
I burst out the door into the alleyway. My lungs are already burning. I'm not in bad shape exactly, but I'm also not in great shape either. I can't keep this up, but the important part is I'm outside.
You see, the great thing about a modern city is it's absolutely full of traffic and CCTV cameras. They're everywhere, watching everything. But Ion, you might ask, how is that a good thing? Can't they just see me wherever I am? They can. They can also see everywhere I'm not. I've deployed another worm into the internet of things and it is already creating dozens of phantom versions of me running in every possible direction. It's not going to hold up to any kind of human scrutiny, but I have a hunch it's more than enough to trick any AI that will be tipping Jackrabbit off. Denial and deception, baby!
I round the block and duck into another alley where I hunker down behind a dumpster and wait.
Boom! There he goes like a bat out of hell. I don't care where he's going as long as it's far the hell away from me. I heave a sigh of relief and begin digging through my backpack to change out the more obvious bits of my costume. After a few moments, I'm just some girl on her way home from the gym. I pop in my headphones and make my way to the nearest bus stop with a bounce in my step.
I did it! I freakin' beat Jackrabbit on my first night out! I lose myself in the euphoria and let out a whoop of victory. My fellow late night commuters glance at me curiously, and I duck my head in apology. I can't stop grinning though, so I do my best to play the part of a perfectly normal citizen who just got the best news of her life.
I'm anything but perfectly normal though. My life will never be perfectly normal again.
Look out world! Here comes Ion!
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