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loulines · 1 year

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June 21st, 2020. We were in the middle of the first wave of a global pandemic, the entire world turned upside down.

Season 7 of The Clone Wars ended less than two months before. And on that day I did something that would forever change my life.

I joined a rexsoka group chat.

It was a small group, since Tumblr group chats weren't really big to begin with. And it was rexsoka, after all, I remember when we had only about 300 fics on AO3 at the time. I remember being very anxious about joining because I felt that I'm not gonna fit in and no one would like me.

If only I knew...

That moment was the beginning of the biggest rollercoaster of my life, full of both the happiest, and the most heartbreaking memories.

The group chat moved to Discord well before Tumblr removed the bugged and broken feature, to the server owned by the most amazing person I have ever known. The members joined and left, but a portion of the OG members have become my closest friends. We shared secrets with each other that we'd never share with anyone else, we joked, laughed, argued... But we'd still stick together, even if we spent less time interacting.

In the meantime I started drawing again, after being art blocked for years. Even though I will never get close to the most popular artists in the fandom, I was still shocked at the amount of feedback I've received. I will be forever grateful for that.

Then I moved on from reading fics to writing my own stories, and I even collabed on a fic, which I never thought I would do. It was amazing.

Over those 3 years I've done things I never would've expected myself to do before.

Both good and horrible things...

Now, 3 years later, on June 21st, 2023...

I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to believe in anymore...

I kept hurting people, especially those closest to me, and I kept hurting myself.

Those anniversaries were always very important to me, because it was about meeting my dear friends.

But this anniversary...

I will spend attending my very first therapist appointment.

I don't even know what to expect from it, I'm beyond terrified. I'm terrified of the things I have to confess to them. I'm terrified of sharing my story and my problems with them because those memories make my heart bleed. I'm terrified of the diagnosis I might get or that the only "diagnosis" I will get will be the fact that I'm fucked up and just a terrible person in general.

But I have to do it. It's not only for myself, but in the majority it is. Because the only other option I have left would result in my name being put on my grave...

I don't know what will happen on the 4th anniversary. I no longer look into the future with anticipation. The past seems so distant nowadays and the present... Just is.

I want to thank everyone who's left a like, a comment, or a reblog on my posts. I'd like to thank each and every of my followers. I'd especially like to thank all my friends, the ones still around for still putting up with my bullshit, and to those I cannot talk to anymore, for putting up with my bullshit in the past. Thank you for the amazing memories.

And I'm sorry for all the trouble and drama I've caused.

I hope you guys stay healthy.

Maybe once I fix my mental health I'll go back to drawing and writing. And I'll stop being so overdramatic in my posts. And in my life as well.

x

#I haven't checked the blogs of my mutuals in over 6 months and I hate it #because I've missed very important life updates from some of them #I hope you guys are alright #I'm in a very slow process of getting my shit back together #although sometimes it feels like I'm taking two steps back for every step forward #the song I linked is from my favorite artist #and this song perfectly sums up my life right now #it's in Dutch though so you might have to google the translation #I could understand some of it without translating because I'm currently learning Dutch #not that important though #end of tag spam #tumbleweed field

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month

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Dog Meshi.

#dungeon meshi #falin touden #marcille donato #laios touden #The foreshadowing of the laios's barking is so funny. It isn't even just Marcille's flashback. It's everywhere.#It's the love of dogs. How he intimidates the basilisk. General fascination with creatures and their behaviours.#This is a man who is would not be a furry per say but would own a fursuit for the fascination of the craft.#Laios is the guy in the forums rating people's hybrid fursonas for nothing but the love of creatures.#Dog Laios would use his powers to go into dog-free restaurants.#That human impression is so good. One might say 'Woah who's that confident hairy guy? Alright boss; in you go.'#He would be the no.1 customer of a New York Deli that has no legal business license but makes the best sandwiches in the city.#“Would Senshi run it?” I think he would also be a dog in this theoretical AU. Which...makes the scene even funnier actually.#A comic in which everyone is dogs was never something I thought I'd make but here we are!#Marcille is a borzoi (elf of dogs). Tolden siblings are golden lab-retrievers.#Senshi is a scottish terrier. Chilchuck is harder; I need to think on that one. Another terrier perhaps.#Happy Thistle Thursday once again. I hope this comic makes someone laugh half as much as I did while drawing it.

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tkbrokkoli · 8 months

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a lil' update on the transgender TM front

so im at university now (yeah!!!! 😁) and i am enrolled w my birth name but introduced myself w my chosen name! that went well so far, no one has asked abt why i have different names in different places yet

however, i do not pass. despite rocking the extremely short hair + men's clothes combo, my voice is too high and my tits are too big ✌️😞 and ive been referred to as a woman and w she/her. it made me uncomfortable but i didn't manage to speak up and correct the others

i think once im long enough on T for changes to occur, ill mention my pronouns are he/him (i go by he/him in my country bc gender neutral pronouns don't exist there)

maybe ill also manage to come out to individual ppl and tell them my pronouns and slowly build up from there. ill see

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tubbytarchia · 5 months

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MAY I HUMBLY REQUEST MORE RENDOG.... I really love your design for him <3

Dude I'm so sorry I drew Tango instead idk what happened

Surprise shiny duo!!! :)

#for real though I hope you dont mind anon!!! I really wanna draw more Rendog but also Ive been wanting to draw him in silly pink clothing #ever since I drew him for the first time #rendog #renthedog #tango tek #tangotek #trafficblr #secret life #secret life fanart #Ren is so sweet and silly I love him so dearly #red winter and bloodshed and stuff like ok whatever you say little guy #You see a sign warning you of a mean violent guard dog and the dog is just Ren asking if he may bite you. “is that alright if I bite you.”#How do Tango's clothes fit on him? Please do not ask me that. We both know Tango's not gonna be able to wear those clothes again though #I will draw more Rendog for sure!!!#tubby art

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sadquickchristmassnowman · 3 months

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“we can have a candlelight vigil like lesbians on the news!!!” episode 2 and annie “girlkisser” edison is already longing for bits of that wlw lifestyle. I know what you are

#currently taking a break from my hardcore analysis community rewatch #so that I can do a casual rewatch #been going through sitcom withdrawal recently #between my intense good omens hyperfixation and how busy I’ve been there’s been no time #but we are SO back baybee #once again I’ll get to the encyclopedia asks asap I’m so sorry they’re taking so long #community #nbc community #community nbc #annie edison #lesbian annie edison #lesbiannie #jeffannie shippers dni but I’d hope that goes without saying #alright do you guys think that’s enough yapping in the tags or nah

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noxious-fennec · 8 months

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Hands are too shaky these days

#this is old art from july that i never got around to posting. think of it as a surprise treat :)#i wish i had the energy or the creative drive to draw more them i am still insane about them but idk idk #drawing things that are at least canon adjacent is taxing. idk. would you guys like if i went off the hook with it?#oh btw dw bout me guys I'm alright and when i say stuff like this^^^ im not like forcing myself to draw or anything #I've got a healthy relationship with these stuff i like to think. nust helps when there's extra motivation #anyway you didn’t ask for this rant uhhhh loss of fine motor skill post revival (re: disability) my beloved #hope you're doing swell and that you enjoy <3 #dsmp fanart #cwilbur #cquackity #my art #ctntduo #fennec.art

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bluebirbbb · 1 year

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This pain will linger with me still, I pray this too shall pass.

(alt covered face version+closeup)

#sometimes you just have to draw a guy crying alright #malevolent #arthur lester #arthur malevolent #malevolent podcast #malevolent fanart #never rendering again (i say for the 100th time)#is the expression decent i cant tell i hope it is #myartstuff #if this looks too dark no it doesn't

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turtletoria · 1 year

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my piece for the wordgirl 15th anniversary zine!! i learned so much in making this piece and i had a lot of fun! thanks for inviting me <3

go check out everyone’s hard work over at @wordgirlzine !! the zine is completely digital and free and was made with a lot of love <3

#turtlearts #wordgirl #wg #art #zine #free zine #you guys have no clue how difficult it was to get this done hahahaha!! never drawn so many characters at once #let alone paint them all D: but its done and i did it and im so proud of myself #tried to fit as many little show details as i could!#also i hoped to do the original show designs justice since this is an anniversary piece! like definitely put my own stylistic twist but the #priority was to make sure that this is recognizable as wordgirl the show yknow.#also for the record invisibill is here he is just invisible <3 #alright take it easy guys

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monkeybebop · 3 months

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They are in love guys, I promise

Nacho’s just waiting for Lalo to stfu

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policyoftruth · 1 year

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Congrats to all the winners of the @ultimatepokemontournament!!! It was a very fun and exciting time and (I think) a well-deserved victory to all of them :)

[Open for better quality!]

#i hope it's alright to tag you i just wanted to make a little something to celebrate bc i rly enjoyed the tournament :)#pokemon #pokémon #pokemon fanart #ultimate pokemon tournament #sylveon #leafeon #eeveelution #snom #bulbasaur #umbreon #clodsire #mimikyu #mudkip #chandelure #traditional art #marker art #solar draws #i also love how they're basically all some normal creachers like just some little guys. and then there's chandelure.

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petalsiren · 4 months

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so flower ranchers in dresses/ skirts? :33 i just think they're really cute

#trafficshipping #flower ranchers #snowbugs #team rancher #flower husbands #petalart #they'd dress up like this for dates #they mean so much to me #I LIKEE DRAWING DRESSES /SKIRTS ALRIGHT?#HOPE YOU GUYS ALSO LIKE THIS #HAVE A GOOD DAY FLOWER RANCHER SHIPPERS #EVEN NON FLOWER RANCHER SHIPPERS IF YOU STUMBLE ON THIS #if these give you gender thats great i love that for you your majesties

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months

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MDZS Height Poll: Who is (technically) the tallest character. Please remember that these polls are for fun!

#mdzs #poll #Please remember that I WILL see notes and comments and reblogs. Let's have fun with this clearly very silly poll!#I am begging everyone to be nice. We can get icecream afterwards if we all behave.#Propaganda is welcome if you dare take up the bat to swing at the hornet's nest.#As always - I will have a little comic at the end of this poll based on the results!!!#I'm so tempted to sway votes but the beauty is in the community response. You guys always surprise me!#Will the winner be based on technicality? WHO'S technicality? So many choices!#NHS and JGY are a big mood for being 'tall' but labeled short due to being surrounded by 'very tall' people.#Shout out to my little cousin who's a natural 6'1"and STILL wears the 6 inch heels. That's feminism.#I wanted to have the next poll be 'who's in the middle of the bed in the 3zun relationship' but I need to draw for that one.#it's been a rough week for me. Comic resumes tomorrow though - I just have not been home to upload anything via scanner.#I'm alright I promise B'*) Just a chaotic lifestyle. Hope you have all been well <3

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sodasticks · 10 months

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hangin out!!! <3

#sodart #animation vs minecraft #ava the second coming #ava green #avm purple #avm ships #secgreen #ava firefly #grapeduo #avm second x green x purple #how the hell do you tag them #also i finally drew these guys on my usual art program!!!! yahooooo!#drawing sec sleeping was soo fun until i remembered the whole hollow head thing.. then i had to improvise LOL #added an img description i hope its alright!!

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dailyfigures · 20 days

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hi guys :3 i got a second job and the training period is kicking my ass so i'll sadly be less active for a little while. sorry about that but as always the queue will go on!

#my current routine is wake up at 5am. experience severe levels of stress at my new job. get a headache. go home. fall asleep on the couch.#wake up. go to bed. lay awake until midnight. wake up at 5am. etc.#i'm alright i'm good i just need to get through this period of stress and stress induced headaches and then i'll be okay #anyway yes i'll pop in when i can as always but asks and requests and all that will be very slow for now i'm sorry!!!#miss you guys :3 hope you enjoy the queue #me.txt #non figure

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royalarchivist · 7 months

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Quackity: Oh, it's gonna be so cool to see how this develops. I'm excited, I'm gonna try my best. I'm not the greatest at Minecraft whatsoever, I did nerf Green Team a little bit by accident on the second day. My bad! But, you know, I'm so ready to just grind out and see what we can do, and I just–

I wish everyone saw it with the same amount of, like, kind of enthusiasm. I think all of this and all the development and all the potential arcs, that's going to fcking allow for something absolutely incredible.

And if anyone ends up clipping any of this, something I do want to say is I implore people to view everything with a lot of enthusiasm. No stress, no anxiety, just a lot of enthusiasm. Because, again, this is going to allow for a lot of cool things in the server. Not just now, but in the future, too.

#Quackity #OiBagi #QSMP #QSMP Purgatory #Purgatory #Green Team #Bagi #Alright last one for tonight I got things to do #But Quackity did say ''if anyone clips any of this'' so I wanted to make sure I shared that final message he gave everyone #Because I agree!#I know fandoms can be toxic and people can have POV brainrot #But I hope everyone is still able to remember the reasons why they love QSMP so much #and I hope they're still able to find enjoyment -- if not with the event itself then with your streamers #I personally wasn't a fan of the Debate part of the Election Arc #But I still enjoyed myself because the people I watched made it funny or they poked fun at it or they avoided it completely #Don't be afraid to block people or mute / block tags or anything #And for the love of god stop using Twitter if you can #I've significantly reduced my usage (even though I love seeing fanart -- though many fanartists are moving to Tumblr; which is nice)#I primarily use it to keep up with the update accounts and see what the CCs are up to #But anyways. Take care of yourselves guys. The toxic people can be loud but they are just a very vocal (very annoying) minority #Love and enthusiasm is always the majority. After all; that's why we're here in the first place!

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ywpd-translations · 9 days

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Ride 774: Kiji, coming!!

Pag 1

1: Welcome, to the Emperor's throne!!

My aim is the double crown!!

Pag 2

4: Ahhh... you're fast, the two of you

I thought I could catch you for sure at 2km left

Pag 3

1: But it took me until “1km left”, yon!!

Pag 4

3: Ah!?

He

4: caught up!? Who....

Pag 5

1: who the hell are you!?

2: The two people in the lead are taking the curve and passing the sign that says that there's 1km left until the sprint line.....

Pag 6

1: No, it's three people!!

Three people passed the “1km left” sign!!

2: There's more people!? Since when!?

Wasn't it two people!?

What happened!? Who's that? That jersey-

At the last curve, suddenly-

3: It's not “who are you”....!!

Dammit!! I know!! This guy!!

Pag 7

1: There's one more person who we need to pay special attention to

2: Gunma Ryousei's third year, Kiji Kyuui

3: Ohh, Kiji? Who's that

Oi, I already told you about this in advance, Manami!! Come on, at the sea

Is that so?

4: What's your data about him?

5: There's basically no record of him in road racing

6: He's an..... “assassin” from the MTB world, huh

7: Is he aiming for the goal?

8: Yeah.... the goal...

That's right....

We should be glad

Pag 8

1: That he's only aiming for the goal

2: Hayaaaa!!

3: Dammit!! The first result.... so you're aiming for the sprint too!?

4: Since they said you were aiming for the goal I thought you were a climber like Manami!!

Pag 9

1: Let's speed up, Orange!! He'll catch up!!

2: I've seen it before!! This guy's jersey

3: That day.... he appeared suddenly on that bike with the thick tires

Pag 10

1: It's the guy who chased Onoda-san and the Hakogaku guy with the bouncy hair!!

2: Before that, Onoda-san said they were friends and that he's “strong”!!

3: He's coming to catch up to

4: mine and San-na's battle

Pag 11

1: He really is strong!!

Let's switch, I'll pull!!

Pag 12

1: Orange!!

3: They're in tune

You have amazing judgment and explosive power!!

4: When I caught up at the last curve

5: Even though they could have also accepted me and made me join them

Without making eye contact or calling out to each other, in an instant at the same time they made the decision

6: that they would “cooperate” to leave me behind!! Yon!!

You're really....

Pag 13

4: What's that

He's lowering his stance and pushing on the handles like he's about to dance....!!

5: Hayaaaa

Pag 14

1: You're really close friends!!

Pag 15

4: He lined up to us in one go!?

Pag 16

1: This guy!! Was it an optical illusion? Just now, I saw something like a cloud of dust behind me

2: Takadajou told us this

Be careful

3: I've been told that the power that a MTB rider can produce in a short time

4: is 1.5 times that of a road racing cyclist

5: This guy can match this top speed!?

8: Ah!?

9: Huh!?

Pag 17

2: In between!?

He came in between!?

Ah!?

3: You bastard, usually when one catches up he joins in the back

Pag 18

1: It's road racing theory!!

4: This guy doesn't know the theory?

5: 800m left until the sprint line!!

6: 1

Pag 19

1: 2

What's this- San-na, did this guy suddenly started counting

2: What's this

The sign for an attack?

3: 3

Pag 20

2: Alright, I recovered

5: Well then, I'll go

Pag 21

1: Ahead, yon

2: So it really was a sign for attacking!!

Who's that guy!!

#yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #yowamushi pedal translations #yowapeda manga #yowamushi pedal manga #yowamushi pedal spoilers #ride 774 #and we're back finallyyyy #i hope watanabe is alright and last week's break wasnt because of health problems :/#anyway!! of i loved this chapter SO MUCH #Kiji Kyuui you cheeky bastard i love you #he arrives he crushes kabu and bashi's race-date he boasts and brags #and then he's like okay bye now you losers keep doing what you were doing imma go ahead #ANNOYING AF I LOVE HIM #hes annoying without even realizing it lmao i bet he doesnt realize it #'you must be so close!!" oh please they were having a moment and you interrupted them!!#btw it's so fckn funny to me that kabu and bashi simply decided to pair up against kiji lmao they got one look at him and were like #'nope we dont like this guy' afsgdasfd #im so sorry for them but also that was funny af #also i love bashi thinking 'this is basic road racing theory!! ah wait this guy probably doesnt know shit about theory ;A;'#kiji has no idea how road racing works and thats why hes so strong #he just does whatever he wants

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