So far asking for textual queerness in Dracula media since it's not the 1890's or Hays Code era anymore to self-censor as much is a monkey's paw, because so far we've got: 1) "bi-homicidal" Dracula in love-hate with woman Van Helsing 2) queer Lucy who punishes Mina for not loving her back and gets killed by Dracula over this (and for being the promiscuous sapphic trope in two cases)

I'd rather have the

You cut off there, bud. I'm guessing you're saying you'd rather have unhealthy straight than unhealthy queer dynamics displayed. I'd just rather have good media.

Yeah, I don't enjoy the tendency of casting queer people as these evil, corruptive, predatory creatures rather than... ya know. Human beings. I feel like the tendency of making queer people just straight-up awful is probably left over from when we could get no representation whatsoever. In order to publish stories featuring themselves, queer people had to write morally dubious/evil queer characters that always die in the end. That's fair. Until you get straight people writing those fucking stories so they can claim diversity whilst also shitting on anyone not cishet, white, and Christian.

So, "bi-homicidal" Dracula... it's telling that they felt the need to make VH a woman. Not only a woman but just a very strange and homophobic woman. Agatha van Helsing would corner a gay couple and harass them until they told her who was the bottom and who was the top. Everything about the Dracula miniseries was annoying. It's telling that they were so uncomfortable with the bi part of bisexual that they killed Jonathan off in the first episode and replaced him with a woman. AND IT IS VERY TELLING that they gave all the queer characters and the characters of colour the most unnecessarily brutal deaths. HMMM MOFFAT.

It's because of heteronormativity that Dracula had to switch from Jonathan to Agatha. The bisexuality is less representation, and more of a crutch. Dracula can switch off his attraction to men whenever the straight male writers get too uncomfortable with it, but whenever they need it for a horror scene, he can turn it right back on.

Lucy who punishes Mina is just promiscuous Lucy but reclaimed as a "girlboss". It casts sapphic people as predatory, it casts bisexual people as more promiscuous and willing to cheat and homewreck, it's annoying. You can write a story where Lucy is queer (in fact, most do, but they just make that part of the sexual deviancy of the Bloofer Lady), but because of the rule that you're not allowed to depict healthy relationships onscreen because they're "boring", we get this shit. Lucy's just Dracula at that point. She's the replacement Dracula who gets punished by the actual Dracula for stealing his idea.

The issue here is adaptations' refusal to have Lucy be the sweet young woman she is in the book. No adaptation can accept more "submissive" or "girly" girls, they have to be subversive and manly (but not in a butch way, never in a butch way). Women have to be overtly sexual and sarcastic and just basically toxic men but with tits. The only way to be femme in a movie is to be a femme fatale who objectifies herself to? Get back at men? Great plan. But sometimes you don't WANT to be fatale, you just want to be fucking femme and kiss your girlfriend. But since these movies are made with only the male gaze in mind, you can't.

And listen, I know someone's gonna blame me if I keep begging for Holmward and then an adaptation comes out where Jack like... I dunno, kills Lucy so he can have Arthur all to himself, but that's just the cards we're being dealt here. The solution isn't to settle for eating shit, it's to demand something better than the shit on our plates. It's not our fault for asking for representation. We aren't inflicting this upon ourselves. If I asked for a movie about an ace person and Hollywood responded with a movie about a sex-repulsed serial killer who kills people who have sex, THAT ISN'T MY FAULT. THIS ISN'T A MONKEY PAW SITUATION, THIS IS JUST BAD WRITING. I'm not being karmically punished for challenging the laws of nature, mainstream media just sucks in terms of representation.

3, 7, and 11 😈 maximum chaos

3. shiv pulls you aside and asks if you think there’s “anything weird” going on between her husband and greg hirsch. what do you say?

of course I'd cover for tom, I'd defend him with my life HOWEVER I'm a bad liar as in I usually just start rambling without thinking. so what comes out of my mouth would be something like this:

"if by something weird you mean tom making greg kiss his feet ha ha. your husband really can be quite dominant if he wants to, maybe an idea for the next time you're doing.. you know? sexy stuff? my apologies if that crossed a line, and I don't mean to underestimate you of course, it's obvious that you're in the lead most of the time. but no, no I don't think there's anything going on between them. can you imagine? and who in their right mind would choose lanky cousin greg over you, that's crazy. you'd have to be a real madman for that. I mean, I heard about tom throwing water bottles at greg so he does kind of fit that description... but not mad enough to cheat on you with your cousin of all people, I promise you you have nothing to worry about. you saw a lovebite on his neck after he was working on something with greg, you say? oh uh, yeah he accidentally stabbed himself with a pencil, it's a long story. anyway, do your wanna get drinks later?"

7.  shiv invites you to have a threesome with her and tom. it will be super hot, but you know tom will be super sad the whole time. do you do it?

that's not even a hard question, have you seen tom be sad?? that's him at his prettiest, with his glassy droopy eyes. why do you think tern haven tom is my favourite? I like to see him miserable. I want to drink his tears. and shiv is super sexy and could step on me and I'd thank her, so honestly this situation is the dream. and after the threesome I'd have the chance to wrap tom in blankets and make him tea while he cries to taylor swift, what else do you want from life.

11. greg invites you on a date to california pizza kitchen. however, you know that tom wambsgans will also be there in a really bad disguise. greg will never see him, but he will stare you down the whole time. do you still go?

I'm not really into greg in that way, BUT I'd accept the date anyway just so I could play matchmaker for him and tom.

we'll be sitting in california pizza kitchen, greg does his best to be romantic: "yeah I uhmm, I really like your eyes? they're like, the sea when it's storming. ahoy!"

he ordered chicken linguine for both of us, even though I don't like it that much but that doesn't matter because I won't be staying much longer.

"greg wait, hold that chicken. I think that's tom two tables away? oh yeah, he looks like a character from moulin rouge with that top hat but that's definitely him. hey tom! over here!"

at first tom pretends he doesn't hear us and takes a big sip from the (very much below his standards) white wine. but I don't give up that easily, so I walk to his table and take the hat of his head. "love this new look man, it suits you. what are you doing here? I thought you'd rather die than be found at a place like this. I'd almost think you're stalking us."

tom blushes, "no, it's not what you think! I uhm, I needed to try out their wine? vanity fair said it didn't completely taste like toilet water and I had to see for myself! to make fun of greg, which I do because I don't like him! not one bit. and well, uhm maybe it's good to see who greg goes on dates with? so I can warn his date to blow it off before it's too late haha, because who would ever want to date greg? certainly not me!"

greg stops chewing on his chicken and eyes tom confusingly. tom fumbles with the sweater he tied around his neck, and while he's distracted I spill tom's wine on my trousers and pretend he did it.

"oh fuck no, tom! I have a very important business meeting after this, I can't possibly show up with wet pants. I'm sorry greg, but I'll have to ditch the date."

greg is visibly disappointed, "oh yeah, sure, I uhm get that."

"here's an idea: tom, why don't you have my chicken linguine? and greg, order some wine for the two of you. on my costs. alright? oh and greg, tom was stalking you because he's jealous and too scared to ask you on a date himself. enjoy your evening!" I push tom into my chair and quickly make my exit. (the next day I see tom walking a bit limp, apparently they really enjoyed their evening.)

Also once again, so much horror involves 20 something jackasses where they're rude and catty and like cheating on each other with each other or some dumb shit so that they can decide to smash someone else's head in with a rock while monsters are trying to kill them and that's so fucking boring to me

That's just annoying, now I can't even focus on the monsters even if they were cool (which they're probably not, the movie I'm thinking of the synopsis for when I actually saw a clip of the monsters I was just like "boo, this stinks")

Or like... what was that movie about people going and having to fire a nuke into the sun to keep it going? The first bit was kind of good, but when they went and found the crazy guy on the space station it just got boring because I already know what an asshole is, I've dealt with them. It's also not like the parts before that were horror, it was just kind of melancholy, but I liked that part

No no, I like my horror protagonists to be props if I'm blunt. I mean I'd rather like them than not, but then I'll be sad if they die, so really I just want a cardboard cutout with just enough personality to make them being eaten by a monster or whatever be interesting... Junji Ito level characters, you know? There's another place you get some good horror, even if a lot of his stuff more ends up being silly

Anyway, never annoy me with your horror characters. That's why I can't watch Blair Witch Project. Their in fighting annoyed me so much I couldn't be bothered to watch more than like 5 minutes, so I literally don't get why it's spooky cause I can't sit through their annoying personalities

It's good they got sent to the corner or whatever the fuck is going on in that movie, they all sucked

(Alternate but more acceptable problem, you made the monster too cute. Yeah she's an inhumanly tall lady but like... I'm not seeing the problem here. She doesn't even seem to be trying to kill me, I'd just go with her)

For the Botanical Headcanons; acanthus (for DS and BB), angelica and begonia (for DS and ER)

botanical headcanons - accepting

acanthus :   is your muse deceptive ,   or willing to lie or deceive to achieve certain means ?why or why not ?

Darkmoon Knight Adrian, now that he isn't a clandestine scholar, doesn't have too much of a need to be overly deceptive— most of the time. There's still parts of his past he'd rather be elusive about. But when he's wanting to be deceptive, he's more fond of using words in cunning ways that make it where he isn't technically lying, but he's still being misleading and deceptive.

With Vileblood Adrian, it's all contextual. They will lie through their teeth to anyone from Yharnam, but especially the Healing Church if it means they survive an encounter or someone they care about gets out of hot water. They are not above "lie, cheat, steal" if it keeps the Forbidden Woods free of interference from the Healing Church, keeps them safe, and keeps them able to continue pursuing their medical and scientific pursuits.

angelica :   where does your muse draw inspiration in life ?what motivates them ?

For Darkmoon Knight Adrian the answer is a bit... well, dark. What keeps them going is essentially atonement for their past as a clandestine scholar and, as an Undead, a rogue assassin. He definitely care about justice and revenge, but trying to make up for their past is at the absolute top because he is definitely very aware that he what he used to do for the Dragon School as well as Vinheim wasn't very, well, great, but it took essentially being thrown away and abandoned (since Vinheim exiles all their Undead), then actually being treated like a human being instead of a weapon ten years later for him to realize that. And that's not getting started on the Ringed City AU I have for him where he is essentially a Nietzschean Overman that said fuck the gods and fuck Londor NO ONE is linking the First Flame... or the AU I have yet to delve into here where he didn't die and never became Undead, so Dragon School's "punishment" for failing to die like he should have (and becoming very disabled because the chandelier basically mangled his body so bad even miracles weren't enough to heal his joints being ground to dust) was to serve as a prime example by teaching future clandestine scholars.

In a roundabout way, Carian Knight Adrian's motivations touch on similar themes, though he's way more explicitly about freedom and justice than anything about revenge or vengeance or atonement for pretty severe crimes and arguably took far less time to figure it out after feeling crestfallen. Of course, he's considerably softer and generally less lethal about it than my DS3 verses.

begonia :   how cautious is your muse ?are they prone to noticing red flags ,   or paranoid to the point of untrusting most everyone ?why or why not ?

Darkmoon Knight Adrian is the less trusting of the two verses here. He has the real world experience about the darker aspects of human psychology, and what people are really capable of when they want power considering his entire occupation is only possible due to corruption and greed. And they can very well identify red flags in behavior out of experience, either with seeking it out or doing it himself. Certainly, he's good at masking this considering how polite he is and how upbeat he is. A lot of that is a facade. At the end of the day, being a Blade of the Darkmoon means acknowledging there are true scoundrels out there, and who better to know that than a former Vinheim assassin who has killed countless in cold blood for a school founded by perhaps the most infamous traitor bastard? That being said, I wouldn't call him paranoid, just skeptical, if a little pessimistic.

While Carian Knight Adrian is a little cautious, I'd consider him far more optimistic about motivations than the DS3 iterations. Sure, he knows politics often involves a lot of deception, but he doesn't have the same behind the scenes experience that DS3 Ade does. He can recognize red flags, but not to the same alarming and disarming extent the Blade can. Even then, he'd rather trust people to be honest even if they are lying rather than disbelieve someone telling the truth.

My Candy Love HSL boys as Conan Gray songs (Castiel ENG post)

Hi, so I wanted to make this post since a while ago, to add more content you know, talk about the songs that I have chosen for them and overall have a good time :D

As you can see, I’m going to do this only with Kentin, Armin, Lysander, Nathaniel and Castiel in the canon of highschool because they are the ones I’m more familiar with. Also, I’m going to translate this post to spanish!

We are going to start with Castiel,  and if you listen to Conan and are a fan of MCL I think it is really obvious which song I’m picking. 

Fight or flight it’s a song about a couple, but after one person has cheated and the perspective of the person singing is the one who’s being cheated.

We know Castiel has been cheated on by Deborah, and based on what we seen on the episodes telling his story with her, we can see that he's really resentful of her, but even if he knows she left him, even if his close friends tell him it's not the right choice to be with her again, he can't decide whether to stay or leave her, to fight or flight.

 The verses that really reminded me of him are the first verse and the chorus, it starts really slow but then in the chorus there’s a really heavy guitar, it combines anger with sadness, it’s a bittersweet feeling that I think describes Castiel really nicely.

Something's gotten into you

You don't really look at me the way you used to

And I'm hoping it ain't true

Every single rumor that I've heard of you say

Say you were off with someone that I don't know

Callin' other people on your telephone

Kinda wish I didn't know

Well, fight or flight

I'd rather die

Than have to cry in front of you

Fight or flight

I'd rather lie

Than tell you I'm in love with you

My eyes are welling up as you admit there's someone new

It's my move

Fight or flight

Like, please, it almost is as if he wrote this. 

I even feel like when Deborah came back, Castiel felt like time was going back and we can see that reflected in a lot of ways, but because of that I imagine he also started to recognise the way she acted before leaving him again, that moment of realization is what this lyric describes.

Other verses that reminded me of him and Deborah were: 

Wish You Were Sober 

I'ma crawl outta the window now

Getting good at saying, "gotta bounce"

Honestly you always let me down

And I know we're not just hanging out

Nineteen but you act twenty-five now

Knees weak, but you talk pretty proud, wow

Ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed

Take me where the music ain't too loud

I know, I know, Castiel trusted with his life Deborah before he knew she was jut using him, but it’s the same bitersweet feeling of I know you are bad to me, but I can’t leave you.

And finally we have The cut that always bleeds with: 

Cause if you're gonna leave

Better leave, better do it fast

Can't live another minute

Bleeding from my back

'Cause I don't have another one

For you to stab

And I don't want to have

Another heart attack

But even though you're killing me

I, I need you like the air I breathe

I need, I need you more than me

I need you more than anything

Please, please

'Cause I could be

Your lover on a leash

Every other week

When you please

Oh, I could be

Anything you need

As long as you don't leave

The cut that always

I know it’s VERY cliché to think oh, Castiel? then let’s give him a breakup song or a cheating song, okay next one- but I feel that, you know, this song aren’t just sad, they also reflect anger, they also reflect the insecure thought, the suspicions, the toxic need to stay and the constant fight within himself to finally understand that she never was what he thought.

And maybe I’m looking too much into how the game portraied this, but we all know we don’t live in a world that is black and white and taking that into account I think what maked complicated for him to accept the FACTS was because he was also really, really, really sad.

I think that conan expresses these feelings that at first glance are not thought of as a whole, but rather as parts of the rupture that make up the whole, but this is not always the case.

My First Impressions vs My now thoughts on the Obey Me! Babes + Luke

Because I did one for mysme some time back. Spoilers for season 2 and images (not related to the spoilers) ahead, tread with care

Lucifer

First Impression: Jumin Han, but make him a demon

Season 1: *after the attempts on MC's life, and over all ambiguity of his feelings and thoughts on MC* proceed with caution

Season 2: *after Arcadia, Luci being a smug lil shit but such a sweet heart when MC returns to Devildom, the amnesia situation, and willingness to sacrifice himself for MC and his brothers* LUCI, LISTEN TO ME LOVE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU WITHOUT HESITATION BABE

Overall thoughts: listen, I tend to like subs but Luci bae you got me like 💋👀❤👀❤👀💋

Mammon

First Impression: He kinda reminds me of the guys that used to bully me when I was a kid

Season 1: *always protecting MC and caring for them, being basically attached to their hip* You're the only bitch in the house i ever respected.

Season 2: *Mammon being Mammon* I am proposing 👀💍❤

Overall thoughts: YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN I COULD EVER GIVE YOU, OH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY SWEET DEMON BOY

Leviathan

First Impression: I found my new bottom 😏

Season 1: *Levi still being a gigantic tsundere for a majority of the game, even post pact* Levi, sweetie! 💕 Pspspsps! 💗 Levi, darling! 💖 Come here, baby! 💘 Pspspsps! 💓

Season 2: (plus devilgrams) I'mma have all his sea demon babies, and that's a promise ❤👀

Overall thoughts: Fuck me in your ocean monster demon form

Satan

First Impression: 16 year old me's dream man, tbh

Season 1: Such a dapper Cat man~ So posh and chivalrous... Wait, oh?! He gremlin too?! Such gap moe,

Season 2: Any demons here? Got any demons out tonight? Any HORNY 😏 boys? Satan, I know you there babe, pspspsps

Overall thoughts: "Season 2 is over, so I cut off all my shirts sleeves." Why? "Satan was my self control."

Asmo

First Impression: Okay, now this is interesting... not normally an archetype I'm fond of... but I'm kinda diggin him

Season 1: uhm, excuse me waiter? This season lacked a bit too much Asmo's character development for my liking

Season 2: SOLMARE MY BABY BOI JUST WANTS LOVE!!! LET ME LOVE HIM, SOLMARE!!!

Overall thoughts: *Asmo getting cheated out of screen time and MC's love by Solmare* where are my cuddles, where are my kisses? MC, is... evil? MC is unyielding? MC is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my rusack and going out to explore the world like a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this house hold.

Beel

First Impression: kinda scarey... 😟

Season 1: *after the whole Luke situation* I think we're married? But I don't remember a wedding. We might have adopted Luke too, sooo...? I like him, tho, so it's all Gucci with me tbh A REALLY SWEET DEMON MAN

Season 2: Puppy! Gigantic puppy man! BEELzeBABE sweetie I love you, baby! You're doing amazing sweetheart

Overall thoughts: I've had Beel for two seasons now and if anything ever happened to him, I would kill everyone and then myself

Belphie

First Impression: ❤👀 Hey there Miss New Booty 👀❤

Season 1: *after he kills MC and there's no development or elaboration on their relationship*

Season 2: (+ Devilgrams) Listen, everyone gets at least one homicidal psychopathic bad boy, and I've chosen him.

Overall thoughts: Hello, fellow gremlin should we duel to the death for title of "ultimate sarcastic bastard"

Diavolo

First Impression: *Looks down at Diavolo's chest and then quickly back at him* I am looking respectfully 👀👀👀 *internally though vvvv*

Season 1: He's cute, it's a shame we didn't see more of him 😔💔

Season 2: *towards the end, when Diavolo keeps trying to get MC alone* oooooooooh, bet? 😏

Overall thoughts: This man brings out the bottom in me like I have never experienced before

Barbatos

First Impression: I know we just met, and I know I hardly know anything about you but do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Season 1: Listen, you can't give me a man that insanely HOT and then only sprinkle him every here and there in the game!!! That's not right! Gimme the whole slice Solmare!

Season 2: Barbatos, mon cher, they continue to keep us apart, don't they love? But fret not, fate shall not keep us a part for long, I know you'll come for me and I promise I shall be ready for when that day comes

Overall thoughts: He knows how to bake and cook!? Sold, I'm sold! Get me a white dress and him a suit~ 

Solomon

First impression: He radiates pure bastatd energy, he just looks so pleased with himself... I feel like he's hiding something... I like him tho, I'd be his friend.

Season 1: *when the fandom theorized he was evil and shady* "STOP SAYING HE IS EVIL AND SHADY, you don't have all the facts!!!" and those are? "I LOVE HIM 🥺😭"

Season 2: *revealing he's been working hard to come up with a solution to MC's and the 3 realms problems, being protective of MC in Lesson 38* I KNEW IT, I KNEW YOU WEREN'T GOING TO BE EVIL 🥺😭☺️ THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE U ❤❤❤

Overall thoughts: I would die for u tbh

Simeon

First Impression: Oh dreamweaver~ 💕❤💗💘💓💖👌💍🥺😏😚

Season 1:  oh holy shoulders give me strength for I know he is a forbidden man, but rather than give me strength you only seem to test my resilience to reach for the forbidden fruit and test my already crumbling sanity

Season 2: *Simeon alluding to feelings for MC with subtle actions and text messages* *high pitched shrieking only audible to dogs*

Overall thoughts: Have you ever seen a man so perfect you cry? Like, God, his beauty is unbelievable!!!

Luke 

First impression: Yes, operator? I would like the custody of child forms... yeah, I'll hold 💅

Season 1: *when Luke is obviously still afraid and uncomfortable of being in Devildom, and any demon looks at him funny. Especially that one lesson when Lucifer tries to attack him in that catacombs looking place*

Season 2: *watching Luke get more comfortable and even miss Devildom, watching his relationship with Barbatos and Solomon develop* that's growth

Overall thoughts: *after Luke accepted being MC's guardian Angel*

Lilith

First Impression: I know she's supposed to be good... but what if she turns out to be like Rika??? I'm sorry but I can't go through this again, dude

During Season 1: *towards the end when Lilith reveals all the truth to MC* I AM SO SORRY FOR EVER DOUBTING U MAMA LILITH 😭😭😭 U DIDN'T DESERVE THAT I'M SO SORRY

Overall thoughts: Mama Lilith, it's me your bastard great great great descendant. Can you hear me wherever you are? Mama Lilith, I need u girl... come help me again pwease 🙏

since you're a Shuichi fan: we love to characterize his uncle as the parent he wished was his actual parents, since his parents don't pay attention to him...what do you think about that? I give his uncle the side-eye sometimes for... making him investigate cheating couples and not noticing his insecurities/discomfort with working as a detective. I wonder if he's "good" and really "close" with Shuichi and understands him.

Wait, people have been saying he wanted his uncle to be his actual parent? I didn't know that was a thing, but I don't think that it doesn't make sense.

From what it sounds like in canon, his uncle is the one taking care of him a majority of the time and as such it's not odd for Shuichi to view his uncle as more of a parent than the practical strangers that are his bio parents. Proximity can mean a lot to some people, regardless of whether the person is good for them or not, and it isn't unrealistic for people to headcanon Shuichi to be the same way.

I'm a crackhead and I see things like this:

I'd say that if Shuichi's uncle is a detective worth his salt, then he ought to have noticed but he was willing to let Shuichi keep being a detective in hopes that Shuichi will be able to deal with it better as he gains experience but also because Shuichi himself doesn't want to quit being a detective, which is a Hot Take, but here me out here–

Shuichi has shown an inclination towards being a good sleuth since childhood (finding the girl's lost pet) and didn't initially dislike the work, rather he appreciated that he was able to help her. However, after The Incident, Shuichi was traumatized by the thought of people expressing their hatred towards him and now holds mixed feelings about himself being a detective, and whether or not he can help people more (as with finding missing people) or if he hurts them more (as with The Incident and the infidelity cases.)

I say mixed specifically because canon is conflicted about whether he likes being a detective and helping people, sees it as just another job/just something his uncle wants help with, or it's a scummy job that he never wanted to do where you uncover people's secrets for money.

With this kind of inconsistency in character I'd say that it's mostly up to interpretation and which view you think fits him more.

I like Chapter 1's take on Shuichi and so I see him less as someone who wants to quit being a detective all together and more as a person who is struggling to cope with the fact that method he's been using to help people since childhood has wound up hurting someone instead, very badly.

Being disillusioned in such a way during childhood has clearly shaken him to his core, making him doubt how much good he can do for people and feel guilt over the past, but with time (as we see in canon) he can accept and balance the good with the bad and find a way to make himself happy while doing what he's good at.

Something that I think lends to this idea is that he canonly likes to help people; offering help with his detective skills in FTEs even before his development, getting upset when he feels like he's not doing enough to help with his skills, is shown speaking positively about how much he's helped people by being a detective, etc. He's also (apparently) a good detective and has, through experience, been shown that he can help people with his skill.

Since this is the case, I think it's only natural for him to still want to be a detective despite the drawback of potentially having to face his fears/trauma, which is why instead of quiting being a detective outright he copes by wearing a hat to block out what he doesn't want to see, hatred.

This idea seems to fit canon (despite the painful inconsistency) as the only times Shuichi struggles with being a detective are the class trials where obviously the culprit would hate him for his deduction because they're all sore losers who are about to die.

However, this is just my interpretation based on what I could glean from the fucking mess that is Shuichi's characterization. I'd normally bitch about evidence, but the evidence is in conflict with itself so I guess as long as you're following the options canon gives us and you can support your claims, your interpretation is as good as mine.

You could write an argument for Shuichi not wanting to continue being a detective after the incident but he's getting forced to by his uncle, who takes advantage of the fact that Shuichi lives under his roof for free to make him feel indebted to him so he's guilted into working for him (possibly because his uncle is bad at his job) and I'd be willing to accept that too. Seems a little off given how Shuichi doesn't show any dislike/hatred towards his uncle in canon, but it would certainly be an interesting perspective to explore that doesn't outright defy canon.

Day 4/7 of the A3! and You meme

If you can recast one play within the same troupe, which would it be?

(Is a mixed troupe play cheating? Well, I made the survey, so I hereby declare it legit. I’ll keep each role with someone from the same troupe as its original cast.)

Rationale under the cut. Buckle up, this is gonna get detailed.

Why Scarlet Mirror? Mostly because I’m a Sherlock Holmes fan, and have been for a great many years now. Also because, bias aside, I really wanna see...

Homare Arisugawa as Sherlock Holmes (original cast: Hisoka Mikage) I think Arisu has just that perfect switch between languid elegance and frenetic energy, and his particular sort of eccentricity—impeccable manners contrasted with surprising bluntness and all—makes him uniquely suited to play Holmes (that Act 1 moment when he rattles off everyone's psychological issues at 'em!). I can picture Arisu’s Holmes having that Jeremy Brett vibe: jumping over settees, significant glances at Watson, choking up at being complimented…

Kazunari Miyoshi as John Watson (original cast: Kumon Hyodo) While there’s something to be said for Watson’s earnest, ride-or-die attitude, I think Kazu’s spontaneity and cheerful acceptance will make an excellent foil for Arisu’s Holmes. And Watson’s supposed to be rather charming with the ladies; I’d pull citations here but that might be overkill, heh. It’s canon, aight? Aight. Where Arisu's Holmes is illuminating, Kazu's Watson is warming, and together they shine light on the mystery. And make no mistake: the Holmes-Watson dynamic is of paramount importance.

Itaru Chigasaki as James Moriarty (original cast: Chikage Utsuki) Given the option, I’d actually keep Chikage here, but in the interest of fairness Moriarty must also be recast. Ergo, Taruchi. He can carry Moriarty with a certain suave, cool-and-collected vibe that’ll work wonders; we don't know all that much about Moriarty in canon, so there's more leeway for Itaru to play around with. Should he indulge the dramatic villainy he wanted to do since The Clockwork Heart? Should you see him in a crown? Or perhaps refined understatement? I think the latter, for contrast.

Sakyo Furuichi as Sebastian Moran (original cast: Juza Hyodo) I considered putting Omi here before I realised: stoic badass who’s no stranger to dangerous work, but who’s also steeped deep in regret of how things might have been? Scarlet Mirror’s Moran would fit Sakyo like a glove, and we know he has no problem playing underling for people younger than him. He'll bring Moran to life because he's lived it himself, he knows what it's like. Again, we have plenty of leeway here, but I think Sakyo will bring a certain gravitas to the role.

Granted, this version of the play won’t focus as much on the “Mirror” part of the title; less fearful symmetry between nemeses and more... original flavour, I suppose. I’d probably go as ACD-like as Tsuzuru’s script would allow, put the Yin-Yang mirroring both between the duos and within them; arguably half the joy in the original stories come from the Holmes-Watson dynamic, and wouldn’t it be intriguing to see it reflected in Moriarty and Moran? Aww man, now I’m thinking of Neil Gaiman’s A Study in Emerald. Think we can adapt that instead?? Ahem. Also, while I'd prefer to keep it Victorian, the pics I could get were modern, and that's also an option.

(Bonus: I didn’t intend for the bad guys to both be smoking, but apparently that happened. And Homare is pictured with the rose because, well, the rose monologue, mate. Can’t you just picture Arisu doing that??)

Rio & Buster

Rio: [Before, probably late PM night before or early af AM] Rio: What time are you getting there? Buster: [A time that Baze would fuck with] Rio: In time for the easter egg hunt then Rio: I've got to help set up Buster: Ava refuses to miss it, meaning none of us can Rio: Well, duh Rio: and no, I won't tell you where any of the eggs are hidden Buster: I could help you set up Buster: Then I'd know Rio: Then you would be disqualified Rio: also, doesn't seem very 'you', does it? Buster: If anyone asks, I'm doing it to help my sister cheat Buster: I'd argue that's very me Rio: I can see that Rio: I'll see you then then Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you more Rio: today is going to be weird Buster: If it gets too much, just tell me Buster: Nobody'll be surprised to see me leave Rio: Not you, no Buster: I mean it, I don't even have to go at all Buster: If you don't want me to Rio: You should be there Rio: and I'd rather see you than not at all Rio: we have to try, don't we Buster: Yeah Rio: when did we get too old for the egg hunt? Buster: I wouldn't know, I was always getting disqualified Rio: you're too competitive Buster: There's no such thing Rio: I think the 😭😡 suggested otherwise Buster: You couldn't handle losing to me, that's not my fault Rio: it wasn't just me, thank you Buster: But I only cared about you so Rio: if you really cared, you would've let me win 😏 Buster: That wouldn't impress you Buster: Don't act like I didn't share the prizes Rio: I think you might've been forced to Rio: very ungracious winner, you Buster: Nobody's ever been able to force me to do anything, you know that Rio: I know Rio: and you always looked very cute Buster: Like I said, I had to impress you Rio: You did Rio: and you will Rio: it'll be very distracting from 🐇 duties Buster: You're not gonna dress like one, are you? Rio: Probably not Rio: make the adults uncomfortable and can't chase 'round after the kids very well in stilettos and a corset, like Buster: I'd offer to carry you but that would make everyone even more uncomfortable Rio: 😞 Rio: like no one cares about my comfort, honestly Buster: I care, baby Rio: I know Rio: we should have a few minutes though, when your dad is fighting granddad over the lamb/to be the new alpha and the rest are trying to keep the kids from ruining their lunch by making themselves sick on chocolate Buster: What could be more romantic, like? Rio: Yeah Rio: but we've got to make the most Buster: We will Buster: I don't wanna call it a leaving present but I've got something for you Rio: Is it a surprise? Buster: Until you find it Rio: Ooh Rio: what if someone else finds it? Rio: am I gonna have to snatch it from a child's hands real fast, like Buster: They won't, I'm gonna leave it somewhere that means something to me and you Buster: Separate from the Easter Egg Hunt Rio: I'm excited Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause I can't sleep Rio: Me either Rio: let's be together now Buster: Alright Rio: we can make each other sleepy when we wanna Buster: When we have to, not before Rio: That's good with me, baby Buster: I love you Rio: I love you, don't forget Rio: in a weird way, it'll be fun trying to find ways to show you without anyone noticing Buster: Put a dress on, that'll really help me out Rio: 😳 oh Buster: As long as I'm not the one blushing tomorrow, nobody should notice Rio: I can't promise no ears but I'll leave the tail for when we're alone Rio: that should save your blushes Buster: I appreciate that, babe Rio: I'm clearly not as thoughtful as you, but I do try Buster: You're clearly more thoughtful than me 'cause you don't have to try Rio: but I didn't get you a surprise Buster: You're not the one leaving Rio: so, when I come visit you Rio: okay Rio: gives me time to think Buster: I always think about that Rio: you better have a clear schedule next weekend Rio: 'cos all I need is an excuse to be in London Buster: I'll clear it Rio: I need the whole weekend Rio: we'll have so much to catch up on Rio: show much to show you Buster: You had me at next weekend Rio: you know I'm bad at being patient Buster: You've had to be patient for far too long Rio: I'm gonna have to get a better job though Rio: to see you as often as I wanna Buster: If you get another job you won't get to see me at all Buster: And you don't need one, you've got me Rio: You can't pay for everything, it isn't fair Rio: and I didn't say another, just a better one Buster: It's not fair that you'll have to find excuses to come to London Buster: Or that you'll have to job hunt Rio: I've got enough saved for a bit anyway Buster: Keep saving it Rio: Baby Buster: No arguments Buster: I don't need to save money, I need you Rio: But Buster: But is the beginning of an argument Rio: I don't wanna argue with you, daddy Buster: Then don't Rio: tell me it's alright Buster: You know it is Buster: I look after you and you look after me Rio: I just don't wanna take advantage Buster: You're not Rio: I'm not that bitch Rio: not with you, anyway Buster: I know who you are Rio: if your friends got any hot dads I can scam though Rio: lmk Buster: Obviously Rio: I'll do mums too Rio: if they're dumb enough Buster: They are Rio: Figured Buster: [Everyone's parents deets casually] Rio: 😂😂 Rio: damn, coming through Buster: Have you forgotten who I am? Rio: no but I always want another reminder Buster: [a selfie like oh hey] Rio: oh my god Rio: I want to be there to cuddle you so bad Buster: Tell me we can get lost for a while during this fucking egg hunt Rio: you've not forgotten how many hiding places there are, I know Rio: lots of people but enough space Rio: 🤞 Buster: You've not forgotten how much I've grown since I last used any of those hiding places, I know Rio: 'scuse me, I'll just be reminiscing over here 🤤🤤🤤 Rio: still, though, I know places Buster: I can't wait for you to show me Rio: [selfie back] Rio: show you that for now Buster: Oh fuck Rio: Can you think of a valid excuse for you to come to church with me tomorrow morning? 😏 Buster: Like you said, it'll look good when I apply to uni Rio: in theory, very 🙏 Rio: in reality, so 😈 Buster: I'll be there Rio: actually? Buster: Yeah Rio: I'll die Buster: I won't let that happen Rio: The others don't come Rio: not even Junie Buster: All the more reason why I should keep you company, babe Rio: Seriously though Rio: it's pretty nightmarish Buster: You've already sold it to me Rio: at least you can sit next to me Rio: none of our family will be there Rio: unless my nan swoops in and steals you🙄 Buster: You'll just have to hold onto me so she can't Rio: I will Rio: so tight, like Buster: Don't let go Rio: Never Rio: You gonna go to confess whilst you're there? Buster: Should I? Rio: Probably not Rio: but technically, he's meant to keep his mouth shut Rio: so you could Buster: You're a secret, not a sin Rio: we could ask Rio: definitely wasn't back in the day, everyone in the bible is cousins, basically Buster: I don't need a second opinion, especially from someone whose first opinion isn't something I particularly need to hear Rio: Okay Buster: We're not doing anything wrong Rio: it won't stop me if we are Buster: It wouldn't stop me either if I thought we were, but I don't Rio: Yeah Buster: Is that what you think? Rio: I don't know what I think Buster: Yeah you do Buster: You just don't wanna say it Rio: like I said, it isn't going to stop me Rio: but it must be Buster: If it was that wrong it'd be illegal Rio: I know it's not illegal Rio: but it's not accepted Buster: Neither's being gay by some people, that's not wrong Rio: well that's different Buster: Why? Rio: we could technically not do this Buster: My sister could technically never fuck a girl, she's still gay Buster: I still love you even if we don't Rio: Yeah Rio: that's true Rio: okay Rio: I don't know Buster: She has a right to be with whoever she wants, so do I Rio: I don't know how to shut out everyone else's bullshit Rio: the jokes, disgust, whatever Buster: They don't have to know Buster: I'm saying any of this 'cause I wanna tell them all tomorrow Buster: not* Rio: No, of course Rio: it still gets in my head though, is all I mean Buster: Yeah, I know Rio: do you think your parents ever cared Rio: it's different but people would've been funny still Buster: Of course Buster: My mum could've got thrown out if it'd have gone wrong Rio: at least we don't have to worry about that Buster: And people have always said shit about this family, one way or another Rio: don't need to tell me Buster: So stop worrying Rio: Helpful 😏 Buster: I can easily help you relax Rio: I've not totally killed the mood? Buster: Don't be ridiculous Buster: I'll do anything to make you feel better, whenever Rio: Do I ever make you feel better? Rio: feel like I'm not pulling my weight here Buster: You know you do Rio: I can do better Rio: just not tonight Buster: There is no better Buster: You're perfect Rio: I love you so much Rio: I'm not gonna lose you 'cos people are idiots with opinions Buster: You're not gonna lose me for any reason Rio: No Rio: but especially that Buster: Good Rio: so, about relaxing Buster: What can I do? Rio: What can't you Rio: you wanna call? Buster: Or you could sneak me in again Buster: What time's church? Rio: 9 Rio: most people sleep through it Rio: my dad, if he bothers to show Buster: So if I'm going with you, it makes sense for me to come over now, yeah? Rio: I think so Rio: you'd have to leave so early to get here on time, you don't want to wake your fam, like Buster: Exactly Buster: And there's less traffic now than there would be at that time of the morning Rio: Right, just makes sense Rio: leave a note for 'em to find later and no one will think anything of it Buster: Fuck that, all our calendars are synced, I just need to add this into mine Rio: 😂 Rio: Wow Buster: You've met my parents, babe Rio: Once or twice Rio: at least I know you aren't such a loser that you always stick to it Buster: Cheers, like Rio: Awh, babe Rio: you're an adorable nerd, you know that Buster: Come on, don't lie Buster: What do I need to bring with me to wear for church then? Rio: you can probably wear what you're gonna wear for the rest of the day Rio: assuming you aren't planning to dress like a 🐇 too, in which case, probably not Buster: Fair assumption Rio: not even if I ask really nicely? Buster: Try it Rio: Will you dress up for me, baby Rio: it'd make me really happy Buster: How happy? Rio: Happy enough I could be persuaded to do whatever you want in return Buster: But you know I could persuade you to do that anyway Rio: but please Buster: I can't say no to you Rio: Don't Rio: 'cos I never wanna say no to you Buster: Don't Rio: What do you want then, most of all Buster: I'm already getting what I want Buster: I'm on my way to you Rio: I like having you in my bed Rio: do you know how often I've dreamt about that Buster: Tell me Rio: I honestly think I thought about that every night Rio: just sleepovers when we was little, but then it turned into sleepovers where you'd kiss me again Rio: and then, you know Buster: Yeah, I do Buster: 'Cause I had the same ones Rio: if I knew that you would be fucking me where I fucked myself over you Rio: it's crazy Buster: Jesus Christ, when you come to London you'll have to pinch me so hard Rio: I can think of better ways to show you how real it is Buster: But I'm trying not to think about any of those possibilities while I'm stuck in this car Rio: But I can't stop thinking about the first time we do it in your bed now Buster: Me either Rio: I haven't been to your house there Rio: ever Buster: I've imagined you there so many times that I was literally about to disagree with you Rio: it doesn't seem possible right Rio: you've been there for what Rio: four, five years Buster: I know Rio: that's ages Rio: no wonder I've missed you as much as I have Buster: I'm sorry Rio: it wasn't your fault Buster: I took the dare Rio: I wanted you to Rio: you know I did Buster: You wanted me to kiss you, not lose my shit and ruin everything afterwards Rio: it makes sense Rio: you know what happened to your parents Rio: that's exactly what would've happened Buster: At least if it had happened that way you wouldn't think it was what I wanted Rio: you're strong Rio: you knew I couldn't do it Buster: We were just kids, I didn't expect it to feel like something we couldn't laugh off Rio: How could we Rio: nothing could've prepared us for that Buster: Like you said, I knew about my parents Rio: but that's special circumstances Rio: you didn't have to save me from anything awful, thank God Buster: We were best friends though, same as them Rio: Yeah Rio: why didn't they notice, tbh Rio: glad they didn't but Buster: They didn't want to Rio: yeah Buster: Whatever they'd rather I didn't do, they look away Rio: Mostly works in your favour Buster: It always works in my favour Rio: Lucky you, then Buster: Don't you feel lucky, babe? Rio: I'm sure I will when you get here Buster: You'll feel everything when I get there Rio: we can go out in the barn for a bit Rio: it's probably trashed but Rio: if you don't wanna be quiet Buster: You're gonna have to be so quiet when I touch you under the table tomorrow Buster: Tonight you should be as loud as you want Rio: I'll be so good for you Buster: I know you will, baby Buster: You're an angel Rio: I've gotta be, you treat me so, so nice Buster: I've gotta, you're the love of my life Rio: say that again please Buster: I love you so fucking much, Rio Rio: You're everything to me Rio: we've got this Buster: 'Course we do Buster: I can do anything as long as you're mine Rio: I've always been yours, and I always will be Rio: nothing will stand in our way Buster: Like you said, I'm lucky Rio: I feel it too Rio: when you go to uni, maybe I can come too Rio: not go to school, I wouldn't get in Rio: but be with you Buster: I'm not going without you Rio: Then I'm coming Buster: Okay Rio: I'll work out a plan for then Buster: We've got time Buster: And you've got loads of options Rio: How long have you had your plan though, nerd baby? Rio: since birth Buster: Shut up Rio: you know I love it about you Buster: Obviously, I know what I want and I get it Rio: 🤤🤤🤤 Rio: see Rio: so tell me Rio: don't tease Buster: You know I had to work it out when I didn't get scouted to be a footballer Rio: that's a crime Rio: but you'll look better in a suit Buster: Well yeah, I manage to make our school uniform look good so Rio: I know Rio: I've seen the evidence Buster: I know, I posted the evidence for you to see Rio: I don't know whether to thank you or get my own back and pose for some evidence of my own now Buster: You can do both, don't limit yourself Rio: Do you deserve both though Buster: You tell me Rio: Let me go look at those pictures again Buster: [also sends a pic of rn] Rio: FUCK Buster: So what do I deserve, babe? Rio: [vid saying thank you over and over] Buster: I should've recorded the sound I just made Rio: Can I ask the driver about it? Rio: 'cos I really need to know Buster: Or you could just make it happen again somehow Rio: You got any ideas how, daddy? Buster: A video worked before Rio: Well, I am desperate to hear you Rio: [pleases AND thank yous] Buster: [sending his oh so extra reaction, so soz to whoever is driving him rn] Rio: I'm gonna listen to that tomorrow when you're touching me Rio: so you can feel what that just did to me Buster: Jesus Rio: I'm gonna cum as soon as you touch me tonight, I swear Buster: You're so beautiful when you do Rio: really Buster: Don't you know that? Rio: Daddy 🥰 Buster: Get in front of your mirror right now, you have to see what I do, this can't wait Rio: Oh God Rio: yes, sir Rio: [pic for proof] Buster: Good girl Rio: How do you want me to touch myself? Buster: Like we're in church Rio: How you're going to touch me in church tomorrow or how I've touched myself in church before? Buster: How you want me to tomorrow, 'cause I'm gonna need to see all the ways you have before, and this isn't about me Rio: it's always about you, Buster Buster: Baby Rio: Do you think we can do it standing up Rio: 'cos we wouldn't even need to be quiet, when they're singing the hymns Buster: I can keep you upright if that's what you're worried about Rio: More worried about how high you'd have to pull my dress up Rio: but worried might not be the word Buster: We can do it Rio: I want you to Rio: how much do you think the people behind will see though Buster: We could sit at the back and then there won't be anyone behind us Rio: We could Buster: How much do you want people to see? Rio: I want you to be in control of that Rio: as little or as much as daddy wants Rio: 'cos I'm yours, and you're the one making me look and feel so good Buster: We'll sit at the front then Rio: Everyone's gonna see everything then Rio: what I do for you, what I let you do to me Buster: That's what real devotion is, which is what they believe they're there for, it's only fair Rio: it feels like a miracle every time you fuck me Rio: they should get to see god's divine touch at work Buster: You're the miracle, babe Buster: I want everyone to know that Rio: Shit Buster: Look at how fucking heavenly you are Rio: I look how I feel Rio: whenever you're with me Buster: I feel it too, never forget that Rio: I make you feel good, don't I, daddy? Buster: [photographic evidence of how good he feels rn because at least that's more subtle than the vocals earlier lol] Rio: Mine Rio: Be here so I can make that feel even better Buster: Soon, just never soon enough Rio: I'm so close, too Rio: if you let yourself in... you don't even have to say anything, just come up behind me and watch us explode together Buster: Fuck Buster: That's the greatest idea you've had in all the years I've known you Rio: I told you, when it comes to you and me Rio: the fantasies I have are never-ending Buster: Thank Christ we have forever then Buster: 'Cause I'm gonna make them all happen for you Rio: You're gonna fuck me forever, aren't you, no matter what Rio: I don't want anyone else ever again, it's not even like 1% of what you give me Buster: Fuck all could stop me, except myself and I don't ever wanna stop, you know that Buster: Never mind the idea that I'd ever let any other cunt touch you now Rio: You have to protect me Buster: I will Rio: You always have Rio: that gets me Buster: I'll never stop doing it either Rio: I need you Buster: I love you Rio: I love you the best Buster: Yeah, you do Rio: More than anyone else Rio: ever Buster: Of course Rio: Tell me to stop touching myself or I'm gonna cum before you get here Buster: No Buster: I told you, you look beautiful, I want you to Rio: but Buster: It's okay, baby Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: Oh God Buster: Don't stop Rio: I won't Buster: I know you won't Rio: [recovery time] Rio: Jesus Buster: You feel better now, yeah? Rio: That's one way to put it Buster: How do you wanna put it? Rio: I feel everything, like you promised Buster: I'm gonna keep every promise to you Rio: I trust you Buster: You can Rio: Actually looking forward to tomorrow now Rio: how do you do that Buster: I told you, I get what I want Buster: And right now all I want is for you to be happy to see me, no matter what Rio: I was Rio: technically it's everyone else I don't wanna see, like Buster: Forget about them Buster: We don't have hardly any time left Rio: Yeah Rio: I can't think about that yet Rio: especially not if we wanna make the most of it Buster: [shows up so they don't have to think about it and can make the most of it/that fantasy she mentioned earlier happen while they're still very much in that mood] Rio: [live your best life kids, we can probably skip to the main event now/everyone being there, right?] Buster: [just know that before we do he's gonna leave her present in her bed because of what she said about having him there and what he said before about hiding under it and also know because I was cockblocked that my idea was some kind of matching jewelry moment that isn't obviously matching so that anyone else would notice but they will know and he'll be wearing his before she finds hers] Rio: [love that so much] Buster: [also x 3 I had an idea that maybe her boyfriend shows up to the egg hunt because you said that he has a load of younger brothers so they could be invited and he thinks it'll be a nice surprise for Rio cos she's been spending all this time with her fam so how awkward] Rio: [that checks out oh boy] Buster: [Buster gonna be LIVID] Rio: [at least it will be painfully obvious you do not want him there lmao] Buster: [that backs up the lie you told Nancy at least] Rio: I'm so sorry Buster: You didn't invite him Rio: Of course not Rio: still Buster: Don't Rio: There's nothing else I can do Buster: Bullshit Rio: What Rio: I can't make him leave Buster: You could Buster: Or we could talk without making him the centre of the conversation Buster: Those are just two obvious options Rio: I was just saying sorry Rio: we don't need to talk about him Buster: Like I said, don't Rio: Okay Buster: It's shit enough that he's here without you feeling bad about it Rio: It's unavoidable Buster: It's not Rio: Anyway Buster: Don't dismiss what I just said Rio: I don't know what you want me to say Buster: Do something then Rio: [leaving your mans like you really gotta go help with something right now] Buster: [😏 can't even help it like] Rio: [so unfocused on whatever nonsense you're doing like don't ruin the meal or anything lol] Buster: I'll make him leave if that's what you want Rio: You can't Rio: even less than I can Buster: 'Course I can Buster: And you know it Rio: You could Rio: but you've got no reason Buster: I don't like him, that's the only reason a selfish cunt like me needs, babe Rio: have you even spoke to each other Buster: Since when is that necessary? Buster: It's been a while since I ruined a family function, like Rio: Don't Rio: because I'll have to leave with him and I don't want that Buster: You never have to do anything with him, except the dumping Rio: Do I have to do that today Buster: He'd fuck off Rio: No he wouldn't Rio: why do you think I'm waiting Rio: you've not dumped anyone, it isn't that simple Buster: Yeah I have Buster: Girls get the wrong idea Rio: then you know, it's at least a conversation Rio: more if you've been together any length of time Buster: Why can't you at least start the conversation? Buster: If he can read body language even slightly then it's not exactly coming out of nowhere Rio: I'm just trying to have a not completely shit day Buster: What so you're enjoying having him here? Rio: Jesus, no Rio: but I'm not gonna enjoy dumping him and having to think up a valid sounding excuse that isn't the actual Buster: Tell him you're over faking it every time, that's basically the actual Rio: Well that's nice 🙄 Buster: You're not gonna stay friends however you do it Rio: Why not Buster: 'Cause he's well into you and you're telling him you're not anymore Buster: If he reckons he wants to be friends, what he really reckons is he can still fuck you/ get you to change your mind about being exes Rio: We've known each other before we did this Rio: we can at least try Rio: either way, I'm not going to tell him he never made me cum and reckon that'll do it Buster: Whatever Rio: he'll have to leave before the meal Rio: it's fine Buster: Yeah Rio: can we talk about something else now Buster: You tell me Buster: He's your best friend all of a sudden, apparently Rio: No he's not, come on Buster: Forget it Rio: Buster Buster: What? Rio: I'll do it, okay Buster: No, that's not okay Buster: Do it on your on terms, not mine Rio: I don't want you to be angry with me Buster: I'm angry but not at you Rio: you can be angry at me Buster: I don't need your permission Buster: [when you playing with aforementioned jewellery that he's wearing but she's not yet because you're not mad at her] Rio: you are though Rio: just let me fix it and be my friend Buster: Don't tell me how I feel Rio: then come see me Buster: [obviously does] Rio: [hug moment] Buster: [everyone busy yourselves for a sec cos they need this] Rio: [at least you're at your house so not everyone needs to be all over this gaff, you'll find somewhere] Buster: [just kill me cos he's so tol and she's so smol] Rio: [it's a mood everyone get on board lol] Buster: [gonna let you makeout for a bit so she knows he's not mad at her lol so hope it's a good hiding place] Rio: [have at it, we can break you apart by one of the kids shouting for one of y'all 'cos kids do not care] Buster: [Grace probably cos she's obsessed with Rio's everything at this age and forever lowkey] Rio: [we know you're that bitch babe] Buster: tell her you love her in between kisses though boy before we ruin your mood again] Rio: [we're having this affirming moment so you both don't freak out any harder here] Buster: [you're welcome] Rio: [go have some boozy bunnies] Buster: [I'm jealous tbh] Rio: [aren't we all] Buster: [Alison knows how to throw a good party honey] Rio: [its this whole fam's thing tm] Buster: [Except you Ro, thank god she's not there] Rio: [how awkward you aren't though like where's the excuse, you would've had to of been at the wedding] Buster: [fake sick but actually always on death's door so] Rio: [we see you sweaty, literally everyone else is here] Buster: [Only the couple on their honeymoon aren't babe, how dare you] Rio: [that is by the by, you've gotta join this party again, soz lads] Buster: [gotta pull her back for an epic last kiss though for that wrist touching again] Rio: [we always pushing it 'til we nearly get caught that's the vibe] Buster: [mhmmm] Rio: [when you've got to go idk paint faces or some shit and you're so 😍 like 'scuse me kids] Buster: [we should decide what they all get though for the cute] Rio: [better be easter themed children] Buster: [you know Grace has gotta have the girliest flowery moment that popped up as soon as I opened pinterest] Rio: [all the pastels for easter which when did that become such a thing really] Buster: [Billie gotta be a bunny for those Carly mems cos she not too old ever to be not be about it] Rio: [you like 11, live your best life gal] Buster: [even if she was 21 she'd still do it lol] Rio: [obviously Junie won't, Edie should also be a bunny but a horror one with fake blood moment, Janis should have American football player stripes but in easter colours] Buster: [what's Ava gonna have?] Rio: [idk a sheep or something] Buster: [how adorable] Rio: [obvs there's other fam kids and kids there but we don't need to worry about y'all] Buster: [Devastated that Buster isn't that kind of bitch to get involved, where's jimothy when you need him] Rio: [lmao, when her mans probably would so she has to awkwardly be up in his grill] Buster: [your actual bae just like 😒 and starting a fight with Nance cos he's annoyed] Rio: [joy of joys, like lads you need to go now] Buster: [at least they probably would eat next cos it's usually a lunch time vibe like christmas so they'd have to go then] Rio: [exactly, you can't invite that many extra people to a roast so soz] Buster: [there's so many people already good lord] Rio: [mhmm] Buster: [leave, get out! in my best jojo impression] Rio: [the casual relief] Buster: [we all know he's gonna try and kiss her goodbye and she's gonna switch it to a cheek one, take the hint Daniel] Rio: [we all know this has been v awkward no one be living] Buster: [at least there's so many adults round this table that you can accidentally touch because in each other's grill] Rio: [we're talking multiple tables and still being on top of each other, that's the vibe] Buster: [exactly so you're welcome for that lads] Rio: I miss you Buster: [putting his hand on her leg because same] Rio: [putting her hand over his] Buster: [smiling cos we wanna] Rio: [can't stop us smiling fam] Buster: [if anyone's looking just make a silly face at your fave sister it's fine] Rio: am I gonna have to talk to Nancy Buster: I keep telling you, you don't have to do anything, babe Rio: She looks 😠 Buster: That's her resting bitch face Rio: [😏] Rio: shh Buster: [does something a little bit saucy under the table] Buster: I will if you can Rio: Easy Rio: [definitely not but you don't want him to stop so] Buster: [going a little bit harder because you don't wanna stop either so you're not gonna go too hard and risk that] Rio: [just shifting forward in your seat, biting your lip lowkey] Buster: [when you have to just sneak a look because maintaining eye contact how you want is not an option rn] Rio: [when that lowkey makes it so much worse in a good way] Buster: [we're having a good time finally] Rio: [you gonna have to try and talk 'cos you ain't this unsociable so enjoy that lol] Buster: [he'd be loving that] Rio: You're very mean Buster: Not yet Rio: [look like ?/oh no] Buster: [going IN rn soz babe hope you're not mid-sentence] Rio: [just try not to die honestly] Buster: [and when you can have coherent thoughts think about how you're gonna get your own back] Rio: You're just the worst, you know Buster: Yeah, I know Rio: What am I meant to do now Rio: you can't just Buster: What do you wanna do? Rio: You know exactly what I wanna do Buster: So come on Rio: they haven't even brought out dessert yet Buster: And you really want a piece of cake, yeah? Buster: That's exactly what you want Rio: Obviously not Rio: but you're timing is rude and that's exactly why you did it Buster: I did it 'cause I wanted to and you wanted me to Buster: The timing's just a bonus Rio: [gives him a faux 😒 look 'cos you can do that freely] Rio: for you, perhaps Rio: I'm just over here, needy as hell Buster: [leaves the table like he's got a phone call he really needs to take because real and baze energy] Buster: So come on Rio: where am I going? Rio: really strict diet so I can't even look at cake? 🤔 Buster: Where makes sense? Buster: It's your house, you tell me Buster: But nobody'll believe that you need or think you need to go on a diet, try again Rio: I'd hope no one is gonna need to go to my room for anything any time soon Rio: Do you reckon your parents will wanna head off before coffee is being offered or? Buster: Not unless your mum makes a really shit one Rio: Okay, 'cos I could say I'm not feeling great but not if you're gonna be here for a while yet Rio: I don't wanna be stuck in my room without you, like Buster: Throw a drink on yourself, you'll have to get changed then Rio: Don't you like my dress? Buster: I like you more Buster: And if you're willing to sacrifice it, I'll make sure it's a worthwhile one Rio: Okay Rio: wait for me Buster: [a picture of him chilling in her room casually like yep I am] Rio: you look so good there Buster: I feel good here, I'll miss it Rio: Me too Buster: We've got time to make loads more memories here yet though Rio: [show up 'cos yep] Buster: [you're gonna have to be quick lads so make every second count] Rio: [also gonna put that jewelry on even if we have to take it off after] Buster: [the perfect moment to find that he's hidden it in your bed for you and yeah she can put it on cos gotta serve a new lewk so we can just pretend it's part of that] Rio: [they're just in love ah this is gonna be so hard for you lads] Buster: [you know he's putting that jewellery on for you and redressing you even though he should just leave] Rio: [we always doing the most to drag things out without getting caught] Buster: [gonna make her leave first anyway even though this is literally her room cos she's more social and would hurry back in any circumstance whereas he's a rude hoe and nobody would be shook if he was on the phone for an age] Rio: [gonna save him some dessert 'cos any lil way you can low-key be nice 'cos you are typically nicer in people's eyes] Buster: [that's so sweet] Rio: Come say bye to me properly Buster: I would if Granddad wasn't mid-story Rio: I see how it is Rio: 😏 Rio: well I'm going to my dad's so when you're finished Buster: When he's finished, you mean Rio: same thing Rio: apparently 😜 Buster: You want me to burn this bridge for you, yeah? Buster: Alright, when I ain't allowed to move in, you'll only have yourself to blame, babe Rio: Don't be silly Rio: I'll wait Buster: Me too Buster: When are you back? Rio: Probably not 'til you're gone, that's what I'm saying, boy Buster: You should've led with that Rio: why did you think I needed you to say goodbye Rio: I'm not just nipping out Buster: Don't go Rio: You'll be going soon enough Rio: we have to do it at some point Buster: Soon isn't now Rio: I have to go though Buster: Your mum won't make you Rio: Of course not Rio: that's not the point Rio: I have to spend time with them too, I've got two families Buster: Come on Rio: What? Buster: Your dad is a prick, Rio Rio: You don't get to talk about him Buster: I have to Rio: You don't have to say anything Buster: I do though, 'cause you're the one who gets hurt by him for still caring Rio: That's my business Rio: and he's still my dad, end of Buster: He'll still be your dad if you stay here Rio: Well I'm not Buster: [showing up to give her the most intense look of all time] Rio: [arms folded like what?] Buster: [putting his around her of course] Rio: ['say it then' but so quiet] Buster: [pulls her closer to him because cannot] Rio: [hugs him back the tightest] Buster: [keeping this going for the longest time cos we having emotions] Rio: ['what time's your flight tomorrow?'] Buster: [let's say it's early cos Baze have shit to do] Rio: [quiet for a bit like thought as much vibes but also thinking 'maybe on my way back, you can come out for five and see me?'] Buster: [nods because we all know he's gonna make that happen regardless] Rio: [overly cheery like great we have a plan 'cos now you don't have to commit to that goodbye] Buster: [gotta do what you gotta do kids especially if that's delaying the heartbreaking inevitable] Rio: [off you go to see your dad who clearly did not show to church] Buster: [have fun with that babe] Rio: [not to mention creepy Drew and shit nan, we living lol] Buster: [are the others going or just Rio like oh hey] Rio: [maybe the twins should have to but I feel like Junie is already like no thank you] Buster: [I feel that because all the more reason for Rio to go cos she's not just gonna leave the twins with any of them] Rio: [exactly and they're probably creating 'cos don't wanna either so then it's more stress than it would be just showing as is] Buster: [so soz that Buster is adding to it by not wanting you to go gal] Rio: [none of us wanna but this the life we're living of forcing effort upon Caleb 'cos thinking the twins might still want it even though we're already like eurgh] Buster: [mhmm and we don't even have Gus to soften the blow so please stay the fuck back shit nan except you won't because Caleb is basically always just making you do everything for these children] Rio: [when we pretending it's 'cos the cousins are here so you didn't wanna go but really it's just this hell fam and you're the only one old enough to properly grin and bear it Buster: [poor Rio in so many ways rn] Rio: [just making excuses for Junie like he's working so hard at school always 'cos 1. not not true and 2. she'll love that 'cos smart boy but we know he just can't hack the blatant homophobia] Buster: [tea, and when you should wanna see Edie and Billie cos they're Drew's kids and he's your son too effectively but you don't] Rio: [when we truly pretending they don't exist like the delusion] Buster: [it's so fucked] Rio: [and rude, and we blame Ali for having these white children for them not being together still, like that's what Caleb ever wanted and like they're not fucking Drews like okay lmao] Buster: [don't even go there on the shit she would say about Carly, my sweet summer child] Rio: [shit nan I'm soz your life is so busted who you fooling here but yourself] Buster: [but before we get derailed do you wanna leave this here?] Rio: [we probably can like they'd talk whilst she's there probably but we don't have to do that up to you] Buster: [we know the vibe, you love and miss each other and we wish none of this was happening in terms of him having to leave] Rio: [yeah she's not gonna spill loads on this whole dad situ after how it went just now so nothing of note would be said tbh] Buster: [we're not there yet, one day lads]

appreciation//culmination

i'm trying to learn to love my name again.

i honestly don't entirely know what my problem is. "Jason" always sounded too proper for someone of my nature, i felt it didn't fit me well. i look at myself and see "Jay", or "Atlas" now, but as of recently, certain events have been given a new light that has been nothing short of blinding.

i let Jason R. Fisher die back in 2004.

during my chemotherapy, i was a shell of the person i was before; a collection of skin and bones that called itself Jason. i was unrecognizable to myself and my family. my hair had left my body, my cheeks and muscles swelled with the cocktail of steroids surging through my system.

i decided to let Jason die, rather than continue to let him live.

i didn't want to be known as the "sick boy", my legacy defined by a heart rate monitor and a hospital bed. i wanted to be more. i wanted to forget that part of my past and move forward, knowing i cheated death and still continue to do so, as his cold hands still grip my heart years after my remission.

and so, Jason was left with the cancer that should have killed him when he was 3.

recently, when i drew blood to test for mono, i also opted for a CBC; for those of you who do not know, a CBC basically tests everything that goes on within your bloodstream. given my history, i figured this test was long overdue. the results i received frightened me to my core, as they were consistent with CLL, another form of leukemia.

i spent day and night overthinking every single little tick that my body produced, every twitch every stutter every skipped heartbeat.

the thought of me having to continue to fight made me physically exhausted, but i could not sleep. i could not go through that again, i wouldn't, and when i had to tell my mother that i didn't want to fight anymore, i was greeted with, "well you're going to have to Jason."

"please, please don't call me that-"

"i'm going to call you that. that's the name i chose for you, that's the name i love, so that's what i'm going to call you."

that interaction broke my heart.

not just for the reason that i'd have to continue to fight a war that i would inevitably lose at some point down the line, but the fact that my one request, something so minuscule, was instead tossed aside, simply because that was still who i was to them.

i laid in bed that night staring at my ceiling through ocean eyes, questioning who i really was, who i became and how far i've come. and that's when it hit me.

...

what if jason didn't have to die? what if he didn't at all?

you're still Jason Fisher. you're also Jay and Atlas Fisher. these are just variations of yourself; nothing more, nothing less.

but what if you just needed to learn to outgrow the pain that Jason went through, and learn to accept it rather than hide it?

you're more willing to let a part of yourself die than fight for it?

...

i'm ecstatic to say i won't have to fight for a while, at least for my life.

i will, however, continue to fight for the parts of my life that i've left behind.

i'm learning to love my name again.

my name is Jason "Atlas" Fisher, and life is worth being brave for;

A scrape of steel and Shikamaru flexed his grip on the tanto, sturdy but quaking under the push of Claudia's blade. Her strength and speed surprised him, urged him to push back in spite of the disadvantageous position he'd found himself in. "Listen, lady... he was my target, not sorry. A contract's a contract." Grit teeth curled toward a sardonic grin. "Drop the sword and I'll buy you dinner? I'd rather not die here... if it's the same to you."

Claudia remained unmoved by his words, the downward pressure of her blade against his unrelenting. Though she knew better than to look away from an opponent, her gaze did flicker over briefly--long enough to be certain that the man slumped against the wall was dead. 

It so happened, coincidentally, that this same man had also been Claudia’s target–though there had been no contract involved. The very idea of the profession was distasteful to her. A cheat to be used by those with deep pockets and no will to settle their business on their own. Those who dirtied their blades in this way, advancing the causes and petty vendettas of cowards, made a mockery of their own strength. Perhaps they were not as loathsome as those who paid them to steal the lives of others, but they were hardly any better. 

Claudia let out a breath, finally taking a step back. She would not sheath her sword yet, of course--though he was proposing an apparent truce, this was hardly a trustworthy man. There was no sense in freely offering him an opening.

“I do not accept gift from ubiytsy.” Her tone was sharp, just a bit indignant. Just because his sword could be bought did not mean hers could be called down so easily, and certainly not just for the price of a meal. Though true, she had not had time to find dinner yet tonight, and she had worked up an appetite running about along the rooftops all evening. And they were in Chinatown, and the smells from the various eateries about--while not a severe enough temptation to coax her away from her quest--had been an ever-present distraction, and yes, her stomach was rumbling...

... The more she considered it, she supposed that it would have been somewhat hypocritical of her to challenge him over a life she had already intended to take. If she did choose to take him up on her offer, she did have the potential to gain valuable intel that she could use on her patrols. She had already wasted her entire night tracking someone who was only going to die tonight anyway. Perhaps she could at least get something out of it. 

It was a little late for dim sum... but there were plenty of noodle stands around. 

“... But where vould we go. Hypa... hyp... hypertetical speaking.” 

OOC: I respectfully disagree on yiyr points with Jaune. I respect your beliefs. To me, he's already faced drasric consequences. Nearly dying several times, and Pyrrha herself dying. She was dear to him, though not in a way she'd like. I think at the end, he got it when it was too late. In volume 4, he had resents Qrow, but is selfless in his desire to help because it's right to do so. I'd also like to point out another thing. The Genre is Fantasy. It's meant to be unrealistic. Continuing ->

mutilusalae said:

OOC: Pyrrha herself choosing to train him was an informed decision on her part. To say she was sacrificing her free time would imply it was a hassle. She chose to do so because she believed he had it in him that he “can” do it. Jaune is a Diamond in the rough. If he lives long enough, I have no doubt he will surprise us and become a truly powerful man. In character and strength. He knows he’s done wrong, even coming out and saying. He was prepared to leave Beacon. But Pyrrha forgave him.

but that’s the point, he never faces consequences for his own actions. things happen but he’s never actually punished for what he himself has done. Pyrrha dying had nothing to do with Jaune’s lack of skill, she made sure he was somewhere safe so he wouldn’t get killed too because she knew she was gonna die; Jaune nearly dying due to his own lack of skill isn’t a punishment for his illegal actions - when i said reality hitting, i didn’t mean it in terms of realism, i meant it in terms of him getting hit with the facts (because fantasy doesn’t mean ‘common sense no longer applies’,fantasy is fantastic, it still has rules and internal logic) - that he sucks at fighting. he didn’t start sucking at fighting because he cheated. he’s a liability, and he has a responsibility to own up to that failing, so he can grow from it

but he doesn’t, otherwise he would go to a figure of actual authority and leave it in the hands of someone who has a better idea of what they’re doing (and no, he wasn’t prepared to leave Beacon. otherwise he wouldn’t have caved to Cardin’s blackmail. he decided his team was more important than himself at a critical moment - which is personal loyalty, not selflessness, because it’s not made a particularly big thing of, it’s a few lines of dialogue and then a few minutes later the threat of blackmail is gone, so it’s not a big, tense ‘his fate hangs in the balance’ thing at all, there’s no consequences for Jaune because the narrative doesn’t punish him at all). and when he admitted he’d done wrong, he wasn’t admitting he’d done something illegal, that he was putting people in danger and wasn’t putting in the work, he was just admitting he’d been a jerk to Pyrrha because he insisted on doing things on his own. those aren’t the same thing (which is also all Pyrrha forgives him for). the narrative does not treat what Jaune did as wrong, which is the major problem. it treats him being a jackass to Pyrrha as the absolute worst thing he did, instead of the whole ‘i broke the law to get glory and recognition no matter how many lives i endanger’

but, once again, it’s not a matter of Pyrrha believing in him, because she’s not in a position to make that call. he did something wrong, illegal, and he’s not skilled or qualified enough to be there and is a danger to himself or others. this is a school, there are people in positions of responsibility that need to know this information. but rather than Jaune actually having to face real consequences, Pyrrha continues to facilitate his lie instead of leaving it in the hands of someone who knows what they’re doing. that’s not Pyrrha’s call to make, but instead of doing the sensible thing, which would be encouraging getting a teacher involved because this is something serious that they should be informed of, because who gets blamed when a student ends up dying because of factors the teachers could have intervened in? the teachers. but no, she helps him continue to get away scot-free with committing a crime to feed his own ego. the problem is that it’s a huge writing problem - there’s a flaw in the writing where these illegal actions aren’t treated with the severity they should be and the characters as a result don’t respond in the way they should because the narrative is too busy glorifying Jaune to realise his actions are actually phenomenally shitty and he hasn’t grown from them

Jaune committed a crime because he’s a glory hound (because those are his actual reasons for doing it), and he hasn’t actually had to deal with any serious consequences of that, because only he, Pyrrha and Cardin knew about it, and now Pyrrha’s dead and Beacon’s fallen, so now he’s completely gotten away with it

it would have been far more impactful if he’d had to face the music. after Cardin dropped it, instead of Pyrrha letting him believe he did it on his own, she tells him that he only got out of there because of her intervention, and he has a realisation and admits to doing something terrible and endangering lives for something where he’s supposed to be saving them (and not just so he can have the glory and recognition of being a hero like his ancestors) and there actually being a tense moment where he might get kicked out because he’s not up to scratch and is a danger to others (because potential doesn’t mean anything if he’s still lagging too far behind to catch up, which a trained professional is going be able to make a better assessment of than a peer with a crush), then getting granted a second chance to earn his spot (while still being punished, because it’s a serious offense) at Beacon, so he can actually prove he deserves any belief others might have in him, and we get to see his progress in the background as he catches up, without him being front and center in a show that’s supposed to be about 4 girls

instead we just get wangst central for four episodes where Jaune is more concerned with looking like a hero than the lives he’s endangering, and he only apologised for being too focused on the macho bullshit to accept help, and never facing consequences for getting into a combat academy where people train to fight monsters (that in-universe seems to have a pretty high mortality rate anyway) under false pretenses because that’s never treated as a problem by the writing

[HR] Christian ghost story featuring addiction. I'd love some feedback!

He’d found out his wife was cheating on him when he started having symptoms of HIV. She’d blamed him, of course, systematically attacking all his weaknesses and deepest fears as intimately as only a wife of twenty years could. He’d heard it all before, though, and had finally had enough. He told her she’d never see another penny from him to fund her alcoholism, and she left within an hour, destination: God knows where.

He had welcomed the silence of the empty house, his mind beginning to heal even as his body began to be sick. He settled into a routine that didn’t involve constant emotional abuse, and felt his breath come back. He marveled at how effortless it was to have pleasant conversations with his friends and family as he rekindled those ties; she’d kept him away from them for so long, he was starting to think he was only capable of fighting with others.

She called him drunk on their anniversary, trying to guilt him into a date. He found this unbelievable, and told her so. They had the divorce conversation. He didn’t hear from her again.

The next time he heard news of her, it came in the form of two somber police officers knocking on his door one Saturday afternoon. She’d gotten so drunk she’d passed out, aspirated, and died in some motel room. The police told him to get her bank accounts sorted out right away, because whoever had been with her and called 911 had also stolen her wallet.

That night, the footsteps started.

He was laying in bed, trying in vain to sleep, when he heard footsteps pacing in the living room. The dog, Edie, went to the bedroom door and started wagging her tail.

He got his handgun out of the bedside table in case he needed to defend his life, put his password into his phone so that he could quickly call emergency services, and opened his bedroom door. There was no one there. He searched the house, even looking in closets. No one. He double checked, and all his doors and windows were locked. While he was in his guest bedroom, he heard footsteps in the living room again. He walked to the hallway, his heart pounding, but as soon as he entered the room, the footsteps ceased.

“Hello?” He called.

No response.

He didn’t think he believed in ghosts, but he had heard the footsteps, and even felt their vibrations in the floor.

“Francine?” He haltingly called his wife’s name, flustered.

The lights flickered, as though there was a momentary power outage. He couldn’t decide if that was relevant, but he was spooked enough to take notice.

He retreated to the master bedroom and retrieved his Bible for comfort. Didn’t the Bible help with ghosts, or something? Maybe that was demons. So far, it was the only plan he had, so he just went with it.

As he read his favorite passages, he began to calm down. There were no further disturbances.

The next day, when he came home from work, he was startled to find the end table next to the couch tipped over onto the floor, the lamp that had been on it broken. The dog was outside, and he couldn’t think of a logical explanation. He searched the house again.

He went to the hardware store and got new locks, replacing them that very evening. He had no idea who might break into his home and do such weird things, but considering his wife had possessed a key and kept awful company, anyone might have access to his home.

That night he heard the footsteps again, and finally decided he was being haunted. It could only be his wife. But why hadn’t she gone on to the afterlife? Was she afraid she’d go to hell? He had to admit, with her alcoholic antics the last five years, hell was a real possibility.

He tried to sleep, but suddenly the head board of the bed started clonking repeatedly into the wall.

Something must be done.

But what?

All he had was his Bible to go on. He knew that God could be swayed by you if you made a good case. Maybe he could pray for her to go to heaven… She had emotionally abused him for the last half decade and drunk his retirement money, though. Still, he didn’t think she deserved hell. Before she’d turned to alcohol, she’d been the sweet and easygoing love of his life.

God knew the truth of his heart, though, and he couldn’t pray for her to go to heaven until he forgave her for the way she treated him. If even the man she abused prayed with his whole heart for her to go to paradise, then surely, she would be saved and desist her charged haunting of their house. Forgiveness was going to be a monumental task.

“God,” he began, “I’m going to talk this through with you.”

He thought for a while.

“She used to be one of the best Christians I knew, God. She was yours through and through. She used to be kind, and had the moral of putting others before herself. I knew her to help family and friends with their problems, and she used to treat me well. I used to love her so much. When she worked, she gave ten percent of her income to the homeless shelter, and she would volunteer sometimes at the food bank. That seems like a lifetime ago, but she did, God. She did good in her life.”

He wondered how to explain his feelings, and took comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit could interpret for him no matter what actually came out of him.

“Well…I think I need to try to understand where it went wrong. Maybe if I put myself in her shoes, I can come to an understanding and get past this. She used to be such a good person, and every once in a while, I’d see that person, even recently.

I think it was when her dad died. She couldn’t handle it. I knew she was getting depressed, but I didn’t realize it was so bad until she got fired from her job. She’d been staying home to sleep all day without telling me. Then she started just sleeping all the time, and crying, and not eating – it was terrible. I couldn’t help her – I had to work extra hours because we didn’t have her income. I was gone all the time, and she just kept getting worse. That stage of her life I think I can understand. It wasn’t her fault, God. She just couldn’t handle the death of her father.

Then she turned to alcohol, and you know how that changed her. That’s what I have to get over.”

He paused and took a few deep breaths. It seemed as though the house was listening to him, and it disconcerted him. In the bathroom to his right, the fan began turning on and off.

“She turned to alcohol, and you know how that went.” He continued, ignoring the fan. It stopped.

“I guess I knew it was to manage her depression. I tried to get her to go to therapy, but she wouldn’t listen to me. She didn’t want to give up alcohol, and she knew that’s what a therapist would focus on. She wouldn’t listen to me, God.

“I don’t know if I did everything in my power to help her. Forgive me, if I didn’t. Help me have the strength to forgive her, God. I know that she was in the shadow of the valley of death and just spiraled out of control…maybe no one could have withstood the pain she felt.

“Was this all part of your plan, God? Did you mean for her to die just five years after the dad she couldn’t live without? I think I could accept it, if you needed me to withstand five years of abuse in order to be strong for some future event. I’ve grown tougher as a person, and she didn’t take the me away from me. No one ever could, now.”

He thought about the adultery and the HIV, and became so bitter he decided to end the prayer for the night.

“Amen.” He said.

He slept restlessly, feeling as though he were being watched. The headboard periodically clanked against the wall, waking him. He resolved to end this matter sooner rather than later, no matter how much anger and sadness was in his heart.

The next night he read a few passages of the Bible, then, encouraged by the strength he found there, started again.

“God, I’m going to address the HIV. She did commit adultery, and I know that’s against the ten commandments.

“I think I can forgive her. I would say that hatred is like poisoning yourself and hoping that the other person dies, but she is literally dead. This anger does absolutely nothing but make me miserable. God, I need your help with this. Will you take my anger from me? I don’t want it – I want to move on.”

He felt a sense of peace come over him. Now he felt more ready to forgive his wife.

“God, I really think her soul is still good. I think that if she hadn’t died, perhaps she would have eventually come to terms with the death of her dad and given up alcohol. Either that, or maybe she’d have hit rock bottom and gone to rehab, and recovered that way. She just needed to be receptive to professional help.”

“I love the person I know she is without alcohol and emotional crisis. I always will. She was my wife. Don’t hold the way she treated me against her, because I forgive her. I don’t think she should go to hell. She doesn’t deserve eternal torture. Please take her to heaven. I don’t know why she’s haunting me, but I think she should go to heaven, now. Amen.”

He never heard or saw any evidence he was being haunted, again. Over the entire course of the rest of his life, only one person ever believed him when he told them about it.

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I posted 2910 times in 2021

24 posts created (1%)

2886 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 120.3 posts.

I added 207 tags in 2021

#my candy love - 38 posts

#mcl - 28 posts

#mcl high school life - 27 posts

#mcl castiel - 20 posts

#corazon de melon - 19 posts

#mycandylove - 17 posts

#mcl lysander - 17 posts

#mcl nathaniel - 16 posts

#cdm - 13 posts

#mcl armin - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#panromantic demisexual latina girl and have a trans boy and genderfluid latin online friends that she met on amino

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

My Candy Love HSL boys as Conan Gray songs (Castiel ENG post)

Hi, so I wanted to make this post since a while ago, to add more content you know, talk about the songs that I have chosen for them and overall have a good time :D

As you can see, I’m going to do this only with Kentin, Armin, Lysander, Nathaniel and Castiel in the canon of highschool because they are the ones I’m more familiar with. Also, I’m going to translate this post to spanish!

We are going to start with Castiel,  and if you listen to Conan and are a fan of MCL I think it is really obvious which song I’m picking. 

Fight or flight it’s a song about a couple, but after one person has cheated and the perspective of the person singing is the one who’s being cheated.

We know Castiel has been cheated on by Deborah, and based on what we seen on the episodes telling his story with her, we can see that he's really resentful of her, but even if he knows she left him, even if his close friends tell him it's not the right choice to be with her again, he can't decide whether to stay or leave her, to fight or flight.

 The verses that really reminded me of him are the first verse and the chorus, it starts really slow but then in the chorus there’s a really heavy guitar, it combines anger with sadness, it’s a bittersweet feeling that I think describes Castiel really nicely.

Something's gotten into you

You don't really look at me the way you used to

And I'm hoping it ain't true

Every single rumor that I've heard of you say

Say you were off with someone that I don't know

Callin' other people on your telephone

Kinda wish I didn't know

Well, fight or flight

I'd rather die

Than have to cry in front of you

Fight or flight

I'd rather lie

Than tell you I'm in love with you

My eyes are welling up as you admit there's someone new

It's my move

Fight or flight

Like, please, it almost is as if he wrote this. 

I even feel like when Deborah came back, Castiel felt like time was going back and we can see that reflected in a lot of ways, but because of that I imagine he also started to recognise the way she acted before leaving him again, that moment of realization is what this lyric describes.

Other verses that reminded me of him and Deborah were: 

Wish You Were Sober 

I'ma crawl outta the window now

Getting good at saying, "gotta bounce"

Honestly you always let me down

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12 notes • Posted 2021-11-03 05:25:41 GMT

#4

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26 notes • Posted 2021-11-25 06:26:07 GMT

#3

k but, can someone make a os or something about Lys being sort of guardian/angel or something and he has wings like the ones of his tattoo? I would love to read something like that, considering the fact that he already has such an angelic personality and ethereal look. Idk, Lys in my opinion is ethereal, like, I can't understand how a human can be so pure (╥﹏╥)💙

28 notes • Posted 2021-08-20 05:22:29 GMT

#2

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29 notes • Posted 2021-11-28 02:53:24 GMT

#1

I feel that Alex from Stardew Valley is omnisexual with a preference for girls. I say this based on the dialogs he has with the farmer when they are married because as far as I know only if your farmer is male he says it was difficult to fully accept his feelings towards you.

If I can, I will share the screenshots of it, honestly this was inspired by a comment on youtube that said that they felt that Alex was intended to be fully gay but idk, I head canon him as omni after thinking about it.

29 notes • Posted 2021-09-27 17:15:05 GMT

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