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#I’ve never felt so alive
mad-serotonin · 1 month
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Take It Easy☀️
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taxonomicons · 1 month
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I can’t wait for the nights to be warm enough to drive around with all the windows down
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bismorphine · 2 years
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Marvel introducing a beloved comic character, giving him 12 seconds of screen time, replacing his mOUTH WITH FUCKING TESTICLES and then killing him off is the only good thing they’ve ever done. Bravo.
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matildastill · 2 years
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Guys I got pit for august 28th. I am shaking
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aturnoftheearth · 3 months
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“hey we need you to run as fast as you can for the next 5 minutes” say no more
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falled-over · 5 months
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#photos of my guitar my dad posted to his blog years back when he bought it#it’s the most beautiful guitar in the world. it feels warm and alive to play#as you can see in the first two pics it used to have a newer pickup installed on the bottom. luckily he found an era appropriate online#it’s from 82 if you were curious#it says squire on the headstock but it was made on the fender line. they bought squire out and swapped in the name soon after this#but he got it a little cheaper than it was worth at the time because people aren’t as autistic as him and don’t know about production lines#basically it wasn’t brand name#basswood body and dark rosewood on the neck 😋✌️#it’s actually a replication of a ‘62 model! which was 20 years old at the time. mines now twice that. isn’t that incredible#i actually saw a modern fender replication of this exact model in an op shop yesterday#for more or less exactly how much this was bought for#dad finished his blog post by saying he thinks this is better made than the original. and despite not knowing the og i’m inclined to agree#people in the comments of his post are saying that this era was supposed to be something special. hehe. they’re right#i’ve played many guitars. i own this one because my dad collects them and he let me try them all out#and i have a lot of friends who play guitar and ive hung out with them to do so#and i’ve never felt one like mine before or since. it’s so obviously beautiful#when i picked it out i hadn’t played much but i knew right away how good it was. i prefer strat bodies because i can hug my torso around#them without getting poked like a tele and the necks are thinner than acoustics (small hands. bad)#unless we’re talking parlour#love a wee parlour. pa has a little one he got for 30 bucks that’s one of my favourites of his#he’s insanely good at finding deals#he fixes them all up#anyway. the body feels#how would you even describe it#heavy. and alive. warm and wet and still full of sap#i feel like it’s breathing#it’s sort of the only thing that motivates me to be better. i could cry just thinking about it. i want to be good enough to play it
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“I want to get off Mr. Bones’s wild ride”
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Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured
#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive#I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task#or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice)#so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time#0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat#I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it#I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this”#it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them#so it has to be me… you know?#I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me#because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it#but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation#I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died#because death is natural; suffering isn’t#unless the person is a child or otherwise very young#but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life#is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go#I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready#When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?
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callixton · 1 year
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watching company as an aro person is like. watch someone definitely on the aro spectrum be told that he’s not complete by his friends and face his worst fears personified abt being unloveable bc of his inability to form a romantic connection for 2 hours until he breaks down
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theangelyouknew · 8 months
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Dude idk if this is related or not but I cry SO MUCH MORE OFTEN and so much more EASILY than I did before good omens finale came out.
Like I’ll cry at fucking anything. I describe the plot of mirrormask to my stepmom? Tears. (It’s not even a sad movie???)
I read a happy fic? Tears
I read a post comparing the fandom to Job and Neil to god? Tears
A commercial? Tears
A song on the radio? Tears
Tears tears tears. I mean I’ve been laughing more too, so at least there’s that.
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cuteniaarts · 19 days
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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thefanciestborrower · 2 years
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If you ain’t dressing like a cowboy than what even is the point
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shortscircuits · 9 months
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if the boygenius recorded music sounded like their live music i would be their #1 fan
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acesammy · 9 months
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I know I get so blinded by Sams plot when watching spn that I often overlook deans, but do you ever think about deans s2 arc? Bc it’s batshit good.
John sells his soul for dean and dean spends the entire season suffering for it - to the point that he /explicitly/ makes the point that selling your soul for a loved one is a selfish and cruel act - only to do that to Sam. Bc Dean just cannot fathom living while Sam is dead. and thinking about all this makes me want to start chewing drywall bc Dean KNOWS how selfish he is being here, but the idea of sacrificing yourself for someone else’s life - regardless of how much that person WOULD NOT WANT THAT - comes across as the most selfless caring thing you can do.
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mars-ipan · 1 year
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Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?
i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.
i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion
like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.
when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it
and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus
and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it
and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list
and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.
ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad
#ask#ghost#marzirants#i am sick of being told i’m normal and then getting yelled at for being myself#if anyone is an ass on this post and doesn’t consider the context or nuance within i will kill :)#anywho thx ghost. that one’s been simmering for a but#a bit* whoopsies#once before i got dxed i was trying out a new therapist#and after an in-depth explanation of my fear around driving and the built up shame i had from still just having my permit#she told me to ‘just get in the car and drive’#girl do you think i didn’t try that. my whole issue is that i can’t ‘just’ do it i was hoping we could work on the THREE MENTAL BLOCKS there#anyways i never went back to her. i still seethe a bit when i think abt it#anywho. sick and tired of being denied help and then chastised when i survive anyways#like yeah i’m alive. be a lot FUCKING better if you just gave me a hand though#but noooo because i’m not falling apart in front of you clearly i’m dramatic#tbf i have an incredibly high pain tolerance and have been an expert masker since i was a child#but still. not all disability is visible asshat. am i supposed to be able to function on my own or not why is there no right answer#anywho i’ve always felt a lot of connection to those with chronic fatigue#probs bc we both have deal with ‘it’s not that big a deal’ or ‘you’re being lazy/sensitive’ or ‘just suck it up’#not to mention constant anxiety is EXHAUSTING. fight-or-flight takes up so much energy dude
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