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jiminrings · 3 years

Note

Can I request a drabble, hobi is kinda like a band singer and Y/N is like his old time friend and they like had a falling out bc he got super successful but years after they're like together again? IS IT TOO SPECIFIC UHM :")

parallel

pairing: hoseok x y/n

wordcount: 4k

glimpse: hobi’s kind of an asshole and is vERY much emotionally repressed, y/n’s serotonin is dependent on wearing bridesmaid gowns, the dwindling one-sided pining anD the everlasting question of where the fuck was hoseok when you needed him :D // gif is from pinterest!

notes: this drabble really hits close to home and tysm for the request babe!! even if i’m a month late yeesh :O

you can’t believe yourself either when you say it

but holy shit — weddings are definitely your thing!

there’s something about the union of marriage that gets your head into overdrive but in a gOOD way

there’s just something so pulling about last-minute changes and family drama and awkward trips to the restroom that make your mind mHMMMM THIS IS IT CHIEF

yea granted that not every wedding you go and participate in isn’t exactly straight out of a rom-com

lmao sometimes it’s so obvious that the bride doesn’T love the groom but hey!!! who’s keeping tabs :D

you love wedding environments so much that here you are, two years out of uni and a couple of gigs later — couples are LITERALLY fighting over you

heh not to brag but uh

you weren’t recognized as best wedding planner for two years in a row and have your face in multiple covers of bridal magazines and such

time magazine recognized you as one of the most influential people in the scene last year but hey !!!!! no big deal lads

“i am asking you for just one minute, y/n!! stop being a wedding planner and start being my maid of honor!!”

nayeon exasperates and tugs you by your sleeve, having already noticed your second nature of taking charge the moment you entered the hall

after all, this is just cake tasting! that’s why she’s brought her maid of honor to help her out, nOT immediately go fishing for a clipboard

“well if the planner you hired wasn’t so sloppy-...” it’s a fact! he relies too much on his tablet and doesn’t even have any paper with him, and even if he’s already using a tablet, he doesn’t even use different colors to mark out!

apparently nayeon can’t handle the truth because she’s stamping her hand to your mouth that’s already a frown, about to suffocate you if only you didn’t bite it

>:|

y/n - 1 | jisoo’s hand - 0

you’re just a lil bit cranky alright

the last wedding you’ve catered to was just three days ago, and well you’re thankful for your job!!! really!!! bc not everyone is as booked as you nor sought-for

but there’s something about her wedding that puts you off :((

she’s very kindly yet firmly told you that no, you would absolutely not be her wedding planner and coordinator

“b-but i-“

“i want you to relax! and it’s-...”

“we said-“

“we said when we were kids that we’d plan each other’s wedding, but we didn’t swear on it! and i want you to-...”

“y-you told-“

“i told you that we didn’t have a wedding planner yet so you’d intentionally clear your schedule for me! and here we are-...”

“i’ll cry-“

“aww you big baby, save it for the wedding! i told you, just relax, m’kay? let yoongi handle the planning, and you do the unwinding.”

goddamn yoongi

yoongi who’s a wedding planner in his sPARE time could fuck right off

you don’t care if he’s very persuasive and firm and happened to book nayeon’s wedding even it was peak season :((

you don’t wanna admit it, but being a wedding planner has basically been your personality trait for the past years and it’s hard to cope when your job is to not.... plan and worry

anyways besides that

you’re a little iffy because nayeon’s wedding is your wake-up call

you’ve been planning weddings.... but uh when the FUCK is yours

u are so tempted to put a sock over your head and just yell gIVE ME A RING!!! PUT IT IN THE BAG

unfortunately, you don’t even have someone in your life to readily propose to you

you would have had someone, actually —

if only hoseok didn’t wake up one day and decide to remove you from his life

if only your childhood friend didn’t suddenly decide that you’re not worthy of his attention and time!!!

god he thinks he’s a bigshot

and well yea ok he IS a bigshot

who doesn’t know jung hoseok at this point :((

you’ve always figured that he’d be successful at whatever path he chooses and for a moment, you feel sorry for him that he’s stuck in such a state of mundaneness

he’s stuck between home and school and since he has no choice — you

your each other’s day one!!! the moment your mom went home from the hospital, her first instinct was to knock on hoseok’s mom’s door and then iMMEDIATELY present you to her

the two of them are absolute best friends and why not make our babies the same way ya know????

the two of you were apparently so close as babies that when one was crying, the other would comfort

and you weren’t even a year old then????

you’ve shared cribs and milk bottles and clothes and everything in between with hobi

so why is it that when you’re just almost at the peak of your life with graduation, he just suddenly decides to drop you?

he’s suddenly too cool for you as if he hasn’t spent countless nights crying on your shoulder for any inconveniece that gets brought up

he can’t even meet your eyes :(((

that’s why graduation is the blandest and emptiest day you could recall

hoseok is over there with his bandmates looking the absolute hAPPIEST and you’re there by the corner.,.,. alone by yourself feeling like your cap has the words dropped by jung hoseok :D all over it

he’s at his peak and at the top of his life performing and touring, whenever and wherever

he’s happy

but without you in it :(

the irrational (and probably rational) part in your head is beyond infuriated at him because atleast offer an explanation!!! if you did wrong at one point, then he should tell you!!!

not suddenly pretend that you were nEVER in his life

even his mom feels guilty and ashamed over his son’s actions so she orders flowers from the shop signed underneath your company, then send it back to you

for awhile she tried to pretend that it was hoseok but no :((( that man will physically convulse if he doesn’t add (atleast) three hearts after his name

you hate him so much that you still religiously visit his instagram and wonder if he could see your likes despite a couple other million liking the same posts

you hate him so much that he’s number one on every single thing in your spotify wrapped

you hate him sO much that you wonder who’s behind the songs his band plays and how you’d wish that you’d be the one he’s writing about

“is the cake that... perfect?”

nayeon gently places a hand on your shoulder to which you flinch and she backs off because christ i’m nOT taking the cake away from you!!!

oh my god why are you tearing up

“yeah, yeah! it’s so good. you should try it nayeon!” you’re scrambling to scrape up your plate, almost shoving the fork into her mouth as she squeals with the sudden attack

yoongi has ???? hovering around his head but this is nOT about you my man

he sneaks a look to the bride’s plate and uh-huh... yup..... she has the same moist chocolate fudge cake with coffee ganache on her alright

the topic of hoseok that you bring up to yourself, one that no one knows (not even nayeon!!!), is just something that never seems to vacate your mind fully

it’s been two years and you’re still so touchy and you dON’T KNOW WHY

he probably doesn’t even think about you when he’s drunk and bored

“this champagne must be so... nice?”

nayeon thinks out loud as you’re once again crying into doing your maid of honor duties

she’s a lil worried if she’s being honest but you always whisk her away when she’s about to ask

like right now :D

“are you-...”

“i just can’t believe you’re getting married!! wow, you’re so cool. with the love of your life. then the two of you could be cool together after the wedding. you aren’t gonna forget me once you’re married, are you? nayeon do you think that i would ever be married-...”

you should just accept it now :((

you’re a little bit of a mess and a half underneath your pantsuits and walkie-talkies and the special pride you’d carry whenever the couple mentions you in their wedding speeches

absolutely WHY in the hell do you think about hoseok when it comes to weddings???

it’s almost a pavlovian response when you instruct the people to open the doors and the bride to start walking and your mind would iNSTANTLY think about him

it’s sometimes awkward when the couple would ask ah !!!! ms. y/n u are such a world-renowned wedding planner !!!! your own wedding must’ve been magnificent :D

aha actually about dat.,.,

you get tons of gifts of gratitude from just a single client alone and you don’t have hoseok and his stupidly powerful arms to help carry boxes back to your car

you don’t have him to give untouched and left-over flowers to

you don’t have him to remind you when you’re getting a little ahead of yourself over just talking to sponsors and trying to squeeze in as much as you could for an initial budge

you don’t have hoseok, in all his glory, to put his hand on the small of your back when you’re talking to how you need the fireworks to start the moment the band starts playing ice ice baby and the vendor does nOT need to know why it’s the song chosen by the couple

it’s what he’d do when you’re trying to fit two semesters’ worth of notes into a pricey A3 notebook that you’ve bought

and just how many weddings do you plan and coordinate, even within just a span of two week?

a lot.

often.

you think about hoseok a lot. often. oftenly a lot.

but aha nOT TODAY!!!

today’s nayeon’s wedding and you’re not gonna ruin it for her by projecting your yearning into your best friend’s wedding that clearly isn’t yours

10/10 she’d probably stop reciting her vows to ask you why you’re sniffling

your only source of distraction is your gown!!!

your maid of honor is the absolute pRETTIEST and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel gorgeous in it

it’s floor-length silk!!! fLOOR-LENGTH !! SILK !! GOWN

it’s in a deep mauve with an off-shoulder situation and a little risqué bit of cleavage!!! cinches right at the top of your waist and poofs a little and oh my god mayhaps you aRE pretty

god hoseok may have not written you a song, but sean kingston dEFINITELY did

nayeon knew you’d be catching everyone’s attention as much as her wedding dress would and she’s absolutely happy and fine with it!!

in fact she’s strategically practiced her throws for her bouquet so you’d catch it and your gown would nOt go to waste

having a wedding happen right where you are, but being in it as a guest instead of a planner, is just so much... calmer

you’re not fixing the chaos but you’re just watching it!!! if you feel a little more bubbly then you’re gonna partake in it hee-hee

yoongi’s actually not so bad

he could just be a little too lax which ends up with him being lost and distraught

you could see so much of you in him when you were just starting out and it’s endearing actually

(( nayeon’s told you in passing that she once told yoongi that you were her best friend and he looked both intimidated and awed at the same time ))

the only thing you help yoongi with is sending him a thumbs-up every now and then and he perks uP because that’s the signal that he’s doing a good job and not fucking up

nayeon looks so beautiful and you’re already tearing up fixing her veil :((

you know how wedding photographers and videographers LOVE people crying???? they r probably eating your shit up so quick that you won’t be surprised if you take up atleast half of the same-day edit of their wedding film

there’s something so serene about the hecticness everyone’s indulged themselves in

you’re grinning when you walk down the aisle because you realize that omg you haven’t doNE this in a long time!!!

the last time you did was testing out the aisle for a client that wanted it ala crazy rich asians and you had to walk back and forth cOLD-ASS water with damp rolled-up pant cuffs before they got the temperature and the levels right

nah you should definitely know how it’d be because after all :D you aRE the consultant for that scene in crazy rich asians :D no biggie :D

it’s such a serene blast to see everyone happy and in their element

you’re sitting the reception out bc yoongi very kindly pleaded to please give him notes and promising that he’d never tell it to anyone else

the whole planning process for nayeon and not oNCE did he bring a notebook..,., but he just hAPPENS to have one when you’re telling him how to say no to your client

“listen, you have to tell them in the sincerest way possible, that you tried everything. it gets them going when you tell them that you even pleaded with the vendors, but don’t go too low on your knees, alright? and then after that, you say a strict no. no, because their choice of flowers is absolutely sHIT for their tie-dye theme they’re so adamant about!”

yoongi has never listened so intently

not even when his roommate lists out their grocery checklist

“mhmm. and if they still push, should i give them an ultimatum? or tell them about a wedding that totally happened that did exactly what they were planning, and how much the guests hated it?”

okay nOW he’s talking

“what you do is...”

the buzz of the reception never really dies down because it’s barely even starting!! the couple’s still finishing up on their pictorial which gives everyone time to get to the venue and freshen up or get last-minute gifts lmao

you know that it’s starting when the band or the dj starts doing polished mic checks

mic check! one, two, three! sKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRA

no, no

there’s something definitely wrong

the rolling and the lull of routine words just seem so familiar

mic check! J-A-Y! H-O-P-E! J-HOPE! jung-...

fucking

gOD

that’s hoseok.

that is most dEFINITELY hoseok

you turn your back to see the stage set-up and god...... fuck

it’s someone you haven’t seen in the flesh for two years yet spent the years of your life with before that

he looks sickening in his black mandarin-collared suit with thick white lining on it wITH his hair styled up and parted to the site

it’s even more sickening for you because you don’t actually know if you can mANAGE to be here

you’re standing up abruptly and yoongi squawks at that because he is the furthesT thing from being finished about asking how to make the guests arrive on time without holding a field trip assembly-like type of line with the megaphone

the fastest way out was dashing through the front part and you must have forgotten that hoseok has a knack for catching things with his perfectly good eyesight

“y/n?”

ok what now

he mumbles your name to the mic, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes trail the speed-walking speck of mauve from in front of him

his little question to himself must have gotten people more than curious

they’re already mORE than curious because it’s his goddamn band that’s playing!!!! and the fees are not cheap and it’s practically impossible to book them!!!

but jungkook, their drummer, was a close friend of the groom’s and alright.,.,. okay maybe we CAN play at weddings now

ok hoseok’s mind is probably just playing tricks on him and he should finish setting up before the lights dim again for what they insist is the 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓬𝓴 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓻

but then he can’t help but look oNE last time

then he sees the watch he’s gifted you on his wrist — one that he was supposed to give you at graduation but later made his mom give it to you instead and not say that it was from him

...

....

whew he might need his inhaler for this one and he doesn’t even hAVE asthma

oh my god what the hELL is hoseok doing here????

you haven’t seen him for two years, and the moment you do, it’s in your best friend’s wedding with no date present??

you’re clearly panicking and the only form of caffeine you’ve gotten is the pre-game of getting a few bites from the coffee ganache in nayeon’s wedding cake that she was munching on while getting her makeup done

you know what!! it’s fine

it’s totally fine :D

hoseok is just hoseok and you’re not gonna be intimated by the man you’ve been loving in the sidelines from practically your whole life :D

it’s not a big deal!

besides, people are looking for you bc you’re supposed to give the opening toast to welcome nayeon and her groom in

you’re walking, you’re talking, aaaaaaaand-

yeah this is not nOT a big deal

you’re crumbling from the inside out because seeing hoseok is just too painful after two years of wondering where you could’ve went wrong and what could’ve happened if the two of you didn’t fall out

you feel especially bitter when hoseok starts singing their famous song about love and everything in between

everyone’s sWOONING and on their feet and you’re literally just there vibrating with how furious you are

you keep downing the good champagne as iF it’s gonna get you drunk

yoongi has a clue that the server must be a little dizzy having to go and back forth to your table so he just offers his portion to you

you’re so goddamn busy and absorbed with loathing him that you don’t even turn your back to notice that his eyes keep flickering to you

even at the cheesiest lyric, hobi expects that you’d atleast LOOK at him for that one but nOOOO your champagne flute and the blondie beside you is just much more interesting

you’re buzzing with anger that you aren’t enjoying this reception At All

you fail to even recognize that nayeon’s intentionally had your favorite food to be served!!! and you have an extra portion delivered to your table!!!

you just want your suffering to eND wow absolutely how much longer could this go

you’re so busy with cussing the whole ordeal in your head that you didn’t even notice how the band isn’t playing anymore and instead everyone’s swooning over the cake

it’s lost in you that hoseok’s shooed yoongi from his chair, sitting right beside you and even scooting closer until his knees bump to your own

and that’s when it sinks in

hobi doesn’t even have time to tell you how beautiful you look because you’ve gone straight to seething him

“for the record, i want you to know that i hate you.”

...

okay hoseok didn’t expect that

for all he knows, the two of you even vOWED to never say the h word even if it’s meant jokingly!!

it’s a lethal word and the two of you collectively agreed to never play with it in regards to saying to one another

but well here you are

you’re saying it as if you’ve never been more sure of anything in your whole life

you feel actually relieved to say it to him right to his face, a miniscule weight lifted from your shoulders while your arms are crossed just by looking at him

hoseok does you one better with a timid chuckle, looking down on his rings that he’s fiddling with nervously

“yeah. i hate me too.”

.... oh

you’re perplexed at his reply so much so that you’re speechless

you’ve been keeping to yourself what you should say to him the moment you see him for two years and now that he agrees to what you’ve just said.,.,.,

oh fuck that

“i hate you so much, hoseok! i don’t even know what i did wrong and i asked even your own mother what’s wrong with me! did you know that you are, without a doubt, so fucking selfish???”

you exclaim as quietly as you could but that doesn’t stop people from glancing because the two most-known people in the room, besides the bride and groom, are having what seems to be an... intimate conversation with how close the two of you are??

“did you even try once to consider how painful it was for me to wonder why i just am the way that i am? or is that even too big of an inconveniece for you to think about because you’re so busy?”

“did you suddenly get too big for me, huh?” you ask straightly without malice, not even thinking about the double meaning because clearly, you’re too PRESSED lightly jabbing your finger to his chest

right he deserves that

hoseok’s fucked up big-time, that much he knows

his eyes are actually stinging right now and he would ask you for your handkerchief that you used to always carry for him but uH he thinks he doesn’t deserve any of that

“why couldn’t you just tell me what was in your mind? you know that nothing would change whatever it was that-”

“i love you, okay?”

hoseok interrupts you with his mumble before he sets his eyes down once again on your watch

you’re speechless for long this time

“..... w-what?”

okay maybe he fucked up even more

“listen i-...”

“if you love me, a single text wouldn’t have hurt, hobi!!”

your chest doesn’t hurt anymore but it iS constricting with the amount of emotions and scenarios you’re trying to process

he’s kinda lost because oh my god you aren’t mAD anymore!!

and you don’t look fazed that he just declared his love for you

“i dropped you because i-i — i don’t want the people i love seeing me fuck up, y’know? i finished uni for the sake of it, and i didn’t even know if the band thing would work out!!”

“but baby it dID work out!!!!”

jesus christ hoseok may be a fucking iDIOT

you’re shaking him by the shoulders and he actually has to stand up so he wouldn’t fall by your ministrations

you feel so happy because your processing was just about to be finished, equal parts relieved and happy and maybe a tiny bit confused still

“it did work out because look at you now!! hobi, you could’ve just called me and i would’ve accepted the call before it even rings!!” you’re happily frustrated with him that you push him until the two of you are in the dance floor, his mouth curving up both in disbelief and giddiness

“i didn’t because i thought-...”

he’s interrupted by a swift and tight hug to his middle, his arms moving on their own to envelope you in his warmth

the top of your head still smells the same :D

his purpose is lost before he gathers his bearings once again, freezing in his stance before weakly attempting to push you off

“... you were married.”

the harsh sQUINT of your eyes you’re giving him prompt him to explain

why is he so nervous

“i-i go to your instagram? and well you uh, you posted this pic of you in the middle of the aisle???? you had your back turned and your silhouette’s seen then you were holding a bouquet!!! then after that, i-i never opened your account. jesus christ, is your husband here with you, y/n? what am i supposed to-...”

the realization’s starting to sink into hoseok because it’s something he’s shoved to the back of his head and now he’s seeing it straight-on

you’re throwing your head back laughing at him :D

great

now he’s both heartbroken AND a fool

there’s a gentle kiss on his cheek, one he didn’t expect and one he doesn’t hate

“i’m a wedding planner.”

god now this is just so fucking funny

the two of you fell out and remained distanced because of just a series of unprecedented miscommunications!!!

the whole thing is so ridiculous that it actually feels light and relieving to talk about

“you’re.... a wedding planner,” he mumbles once again for confirmation, his loose arms around your waist now tightening

oh my god

hoseok starts chuckling to himself out of delight, turning to full-on cackles with you at how much the two of you have just been beside each other like parallel lines

“i need to make up the past two years to you.”

he declares seriously as a promise, pressing a tender wet kiss to your cheek that gets you giggling

“only if you write me a song,” you do him one better, kissing him on the corner of his mouth

“don’t you know that most of them are about you? anyways, you should plan our wedding once it happens,” he’s forward with his words, having waited long enough that he nuzzles his nose to yours

you’re gonna do him one even better

you’re gonna go right for the kill, the truth spilling out of you before you kiss him longingly, for the first time that it feels that it’s been something you’ve always yearned for

“don’t you know that you’re in my mind for every single one?”

#feedback pls and thank you :D YEEEEET LAST PIECE FOR 2020!!!!#hoseok #jung hoseok #hoseok imagine #hoseok imagines #hoseok drabble #hoseok drabbles #hoseok au #hoseok oneshot #hoseok oneshots #hoseok x reader #hoseok x y/n #hoseok angst #hoseok angst imagine #hoseok fluff #hoseok fluff imagine #hoseok fluff imagines #hoseok fic rec #hoseok fic recs

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theji · 3 years

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Song of the Moment: 匿名的宝贝 Anonymous Darling

Today's song recommendation isn't directly related to Yizhan but rather, a BJYX fan fiction [As You Wish]. The original Chinese version is considered a classic within the fandom and there's even a book version of it now. I first read the fic about 3 months ago after seeing it in @rainbowsky's recommendations list. It's a long read, more than 90K words but I finished it in one sitting. That's how invested I was in the storyline.

(Side note: thank you Rainbowsky for the list. Your recommendations are excellent and most of them are right up my alley. If anyone's keen, here's the list. Check it out!)

I re-read it again last night and it just hit me even deeper the second time around. First time was really just to get the plot moving along but on my second read, you get to see more of the nuances, pick up clues that you missed previously. Generally just got more deeply into the main characters' headspace.

What I like about it is its simplicity and realistic portrayal of life and love - two people who understood the realities of life's circumstances and chose to put themselves first, and that any relationships take effort and courage to work. There's no fancy or dramatic plotlines, no major conflicts or antagonists or whatever, but it just draws you in.

Two ex-lovers, meeting again, walking on eggshells, awkward conversations, testing boundaries, wanting but held back by fear and uncertainties. Of personal growth and maturity. Of love lost and not found, but rather, rebuilt. It's not a fairy tale - there's light angst, some tension, sweet moments, awkwardness, etc but a worthwhile read, I assure you. I'm even planning to read the fic in Chinese next to experience it as the author intended.

Anyway, back to the song. Anonymous Darling is a 2004 song released by Singaporean singer-songwriter/rocker Huang Yida. I had known of this song back then when I was a teen cos my sis was a fan of him. We even went to his autograph session 😅. In the fic, the song is quite a central part of the plot, like a theme song of sorts, and the lyrics were used to portray some of the characters' innermost thoughts. After re-reading the fic, I put the song on replay. All the feels...hence the inspiration for this post.

youtube

Anonymous Darling is a love song, but a bittersweet one. It's about someone who once had a great love but then lost it. Instead of pining over it or being resentful or nonchalant, they chose to keep it hidden deep within their own heart, to safeguard it. The love and yearning is still there, it's still beautiful, it's precious. Even if it doesn't come to fruition, it won't ever be forgotten.

我思念在你眼中那一片海水 How I miss the view of the sea (tears?) in your eyes

有一种让我心痛的美 It's devastatingly beautiful

于是我选择自已孤单的睡 That's why I chose to sleep alone (to leave)

下半辈子让我不相信的理由我想是你对不对 I guess you're the reason why I stopped believing for the rest of my life

妳是个匿名的宝贝藏在我心里的眼泪 You're an anonymous darling, hidden in the tears within my heart

不管妳带走了什么我都因为爱过妳觉得美 No matter what you take away, I'll always find it (the relationship) beautiful because I once loved you

永远不忘记妳的我像一个孤魂和野鬼 I will never forget you, just like a lonely soul and wild ghost

在这个世界上受苦风吹雨打我都无所谓 Even if I have to suffer hardships or endure the wind and rain, it doesn't matter at all.

妳是个匿名的宝贝常在我心里飞呀飞 You're an anonymous darling, fluttering around in my heart

如果还能有那一天请妳回头看我一眼醒了没 If that day ever comes, please turn back to look at me and see if I've woken up

不必安慰我妳知道我不累 oh 爱妳怎么会累 Don't need to comfort me, you know I'm not tired. How can loving you be tiring

再一次站在雨中看着天黑 Standing once again in the rain looking up at the dark sky

我觉得我在人海里潜水 It feels like I'm diving in a sea of people

带妳的名字飞往东南西北 Carrying your name with me to North, South, East, West

我要让这个地球上除了我再也没有人能知道妳是谁妳又是我的谁 Except me, I don't want anyone else in this world to know who you are, and who you are to me.

I hope you'll enjoy today's song recommendation. It really brought back memories of my teenage days. Haha..and also enhanced my appreciation of the fic. Sorry, this post was not meant to be a fic recommendation but I'd be happy to discuss the story separately with anyone who's keen.

Since I'm on it, might as well recommend a few other Huang Yida songs that I liked back then. I think he's now focusing more on song writing and has penned songs for several hit drama series in China. He's on Spotify too.

(Ok I realised I like a lot of them so I'll just list some. I love soft rock, which he does very well.)

That Girl Said To Me

Blue Sky

That Girl

Every Day and Every Night

Only Understand When You Love

Love Under the Microscope

Go Away

Like You (Like Me)

A Second of Comfort

Equilateral Triangle

A Song to Myself

Heart Disk

Simple (fun fact: GG's idol Stefanie Sun penned the melody to this. In fact, Yida was dubbed 'the male version of Stef Sun' when he debuted.)

#bjyx fan fic #huang yida #the ji's song of the moment #doesn't he look a bit like DD's buddy Yin Zheng ge?

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vent-inside-bitch-outside · 3 years

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by and large this blog has been one of the only places I feel truly comfortable sharing my thoughts. I’m not auditing my own thoughts when i type here. that being said, i wonder about other people finding this. I can’t tell if I dont want that to happen or not. Like, i’d never lay myself bare like this to another human being, maybe this is the only way i can ever communicate about my feelings earnestly with another person? or on the other hand, maybe people are meant to have a place where they can process their own thoughts without expecting, wanting, or even entertaining the idea of someone else reading through their “writings.” I’m not sure what’s got me this talkative rn, but if i’m reading this back at a later date or “imaginary scenario where someone else reads this” comes true, i’m like, typing the thoughts exactly as they come to me, hence the conversational tone. Im also not reading this back now for a reason that i cannot particularly articulate at the moment. Posterity? that’s probably not right. Earlier, i was listening to hip-hop and i was feeling really sad cause it was like, all the plaintive kanye west songs i enjoy and i was letting my sad fester (white boy listen to sad kanye song cringe moment) and then spotify fed me some really positive Q-Tip songs so im actually feeling kind of good. Last thing worth mentioning is that uhhh the reason my emotions are all stirred up rn is because I was playing amorous of all things and some of the more intimate (romantically, not sexually) moments made me feel... things.

like, the game would describe a passionate kiss or feeling safe while holding someone and i just,... yeah ://// I got really sad. thinking about it just now made me kinda idk get more energy. I wish i could properly articulate it but it made me feel things, loneliness, I guess? like reminding me of what i dont have, a simulacrum of what i yearn for. Ive got a lot of energy but im gonna try to go lie down now.

Not sure who i’m addressing right now (future self? reader whom I know? Some random tumblr person who found this? If you know me irl and are reading this without my knowledge thats fucking weird. Regardless of if you exist, i’m addressing some vague individual in the future. That feels weird. I hope future me is... better. If he directed you here (if he’s still “he” but i do not intend to discuss nor acknowledge that repress repress repress repress its gone ok) then he really isn’t the person that wrote this, for the better obviously. The me(s) that have put their thoughts onto this blog are not the kind of person who would open up to someone like that. If he gave you this blog voluntarily, tell him i’m proud of him for the degree to which he’s grown :). My mood has rapidly shifted to more optimistic, but, i am truly hoping for better things in the future. If future me is who’s reading this right now, do i sound crazy rambling like this? I know you can’t answer this unless time travel exists in the future lol. But also I hope you’re finding this in a better place than i’m in writing this.

This is uuhhhhh pretty cathartic. I feel like i’m working a lot out right now. I’m going to make a seperate post so i don’t have to read thru all this later but I just realized that i am at least a little better right now. i am wishing well for myself. I AM PERMITTING MYSELF TO FEEL BETTER, AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT. im not ready to say the L-word to myself yet but im getting somewhere. but god fucking damn i need to stop having emotional epiphanies at 3:30 in the god damned morning. Doubt ill feel this well in the morning (or afternoon more realistically lol)

sometimes i just get the phrase “I love you” at the back of my throat, like wanting to come out randomly. so whoever is reading this, friend, stranger, future self. I love you :)

Every day i try a little harder to become a better person i hope.

that’s probably what i’ve been missing recently, a sense of hope. I think it may be coming back to me as of late :)). time will tell.

goodnight, and I wish you well. Thanks for listening.

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aizawadeservesanaward · 5 years

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Shigraki with a crazy scientist S/O

I got inspired to write this after listening to this song on Spotify. In my mind I was like, how cute would it be if Shiggy had a S/O that was in the LoV but was just this completely insane scientist. So here goes my first time writing for Shigadusty-

Reader's Gender: Gender-neautral

Warnings: Mentions of dead animals and humans, sadism, blood, murder, drugging, and slight Masochism (it's only there if you squint)

Song that inspired this:

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When you first joined the Leauge Shigraki wanted nothing to do with you.

Saw you as a more annoying version of Toga due to your hyperactive personality and they way that you always mumbled things under your breath whenever you weren't engaging in a full on conversation.

You took a liking to Tomura for whatever reason and would follow him around whenever you weren't experimenting.

He did not like this what so ever and would always threaten to decay you.

Would get flustered when you'd just smirk and go "Do it~".

After a while he just got used to you following him around like a puppy dog.

It is what it is man.

He fell in love with you when he saw you repeatedly stab a man in the chest with a scalpel after you overheard him say 'science is nothing but fiction and all scientist are frauds' then drag him to an alley way, cut off the pieces of skin you touched so your finger prints wouldn't be traced and dump him in the trash.

His heart sure went 'Doki Doki'.

He looked at you, looked at the dumpster and then looked back at you before flatly saying.

"That was insanely hot, and you're mine now"

Not the best way to ask someone out but baby boy didn't know, he's new to this.

Good thing you took the hint, and boy were you thrilled!

First time you two tried sleeping in the same bed together you were covered in blood from one of the experiments you conducted and attempted to get into Shigaraki's bed but he stopped you.

"You're showering before you even think about getting into my bed. I don't want blood all over my sheets" "Nooo, I don't waaaaaannnnnaaaa"

After several times of you refusing and him almost getting stabbed when he tried to force you into the shower, he just put you back in your room and went back to his. He was disappointed though, he kinda wanted to sleep with you. (Not in that way you perverted fecks)

Second time you two actually got to sleep in the same bed. You walked in completely blood free and threw yourself onto your dusty boyfriend's bed.

He scolded you for your actions but shut up when you started cuddling him.

Is this love and affection?

Fell asleep but would wake you every time you moved, after you attempted to stab him when he tried to make you take a shower he's been paranoid that'll you'll try when he's sleeping.

Poor baby didn't get any sleep.

After you two started sleeping together more often his paranoia started fading and he began to feel safe in your hold, yearning for it whenever you would leave early in the morning to go find a new victim test subject while the cops and pros were still waking up and a lot of them weren't on duty yet and the ones that are were already heading home.

He'll be right there as soon as you come back to the hideout with two bodies slung over both shoulders.

Shiggy will sit there and watch you go through with your sadistic experiments on either a human or an animal.

Acts like your psychotic experiments don't freak him the fuck out.

They do.

Low-key likes helping you do experiments though, makes him feel smart and important.

Gets a bit uneasy when you start cackling out of nowhere as you tear through your 'test subject'

How can someone who looks so pure and geeky be so sadistic and crazy?

Asked you one day why you do what you do. Is it for some person, sadistic gain? Or were you actually trying to figure something scientific out?

Surprised when you tell him that you're actually trying to figure where and how quirks manifest, how they work and what things certain quirks can handle.

"Ok, but why do you kill them after you do your notes and shit?" "They know too much by then, plus, I can take their blood and give it to Toga so she has more people to turn into and the organs may help the Leauge in the future"

You may be crazy but, fuck were you smart.

Asked why you experimented on animals if they didn't have quirks, you said "For fun and stress relief of course"

Yeah, he may be evil but he ain't about to let you literally murder an innocent animal just for shits and giggles.

Makes sure you're far away from animals as possible.

Told Toga to hide her vampire bat whenever you went into her room.

Sometimes you'll start having what Spinner dubbed 'Crazy fits' where you just cackle at random ass times, ramble on and on about jack shit, and try attacking someone from the Leauge with a knife.

Mainly Dabi.

And for that reason, it turns Tomura on.

He doesn't know why, but seeing you completely lose your shit gets him going and makes him love you even more, cause even the craziest crazies have an even crazier side and that makes him feel more... normal, if that makes sense.

You honestly give Toga and Twice a run for their money with how crazy you are during that period of time.

When you two are out in public, Shigraki makes sure you don't stray to far from him unless you see someone who would be a good test subject. Even then, he still follows you to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Any guy looks at you and Shigraki will make them a pile of ash, your his crazy scientist, no body elses.

Same goes for you, be it guy or girl, if anyone looks at your Shiggy they'll end up being a volunteer for your experiments.

When Tomura throws a temper tantrum you're right there to calm him down...with a syringe.

Wakes up in his bed with you snuggled up next to him but has no recollection of how he got there.

Loves you with all his dusty heart but at the same time fears you may snap one day and try to murder him.

If he says that out loud while talking with you, your face will darken and you'll lean forward, lips grazing his ear before whispering.

"The more you fear me, the more reasons I'll give you to fear me"

Whoop, now he's turned on.

You are the Bonnie and Clyde of Japan and damn does it feel good.

At the end of the day, even if you two are both insane villains, you both have a heart that beats for the other. Shigaraki truly does love you and sees you as the only person he can trust besides AOF. And you? Well, you see this dusty boy as someone who actually accepts your crazy and psychotic ways, and you love him dearly for that. Even if you do want to murder him sometimes and take out his organs, but hey, that's just how you are.

💜Maddox💜

#shiragaki tomura #mha tomura #tomura x reader #tomura shiragaki #bnha imagines #bnha headcanons #bnha x reader #mha shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #mha x reader

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ladyfl4me · 4 years

Note

7 and 12 for the 3 songs asks?

hell yeah dude these questions are PERFECT

7. three songs you didn’t expect to like but eventually loved

“To Noise Making (Sing),” Hozier. I had to force myself to like Hozier at first, because i grew up thinking honest, truthful, and poetic displays of love and admiration were embarrassing. luckily, Wasteland, Baby! came out my first year of college, so I had a bunch of new content to listen to on my own terms. “To Noise Making” was too raw and honest at first - but this year, it started speaking a little different, after I came to terms with how i was forced to give up music. now i love this song, and it’s my favorite off the album, ahead of “Dinner & Diatribes.”

This one is honestly just because I was so fucking bewildered by it, but: “Touch Tone Telephone,” Lemon Demon. I’d never heard the song before, or heard any of Neil’s works (not even potter puppet pals, ok, i was a sheltered child with no internet until i turned 16), and I had no idea what to expect. I was hooked within the first eight measures. If it comes on shuffle when I’m driving, I scream the lyrics. I make my friends play it in the car. I’m insufferable about this song and I do not care.

12. three favourite songs from video games

“Wet Hands,” C418 - Minecraft. I started playing Minecraft in 2019, so I didn’t grow up with it, but every time I hear this song it just sends a wave of peace and nostalgia over me. The whole Minecraft soundtrack makes me feel inexplicably sad and yearning and i don’t know why. i mean i do but we’re not going down that rabbit hole tonight lmao

“Home Sweet Home,” Christophe Heral - Beyond Good and Evil. I found this game in the bargain bin at Target in middle school and loved it. The main character Jade is at least partly responsible for my gay awakening. Even Griffin Mcelroy likes it; I found a post-E3 2017 video interview on the Polygon channel where he talks about the sequel’s announcement, and how he enjoyed the first game quite a bit. The game’s got a super unique art style, and this song plays when you’re driving your hovercraft through the Venice-like canals and bays of this game’s world. It feels like adventure to me and I love listening to it. This is a youtube link because they never put the score on spotify, but whatever

“This Is What You Are,” Keith Power - Warframe. I’ve never played Warframe. I’ve never played a lot of games, to be honest - I’ve played like 5. This showed up in a discover weekly once, though, and I loved it; it went on almost every writing playlist I have, especially my amnesty ones. it just has vibes

send me a number from this list! 1, 7, 12, 28, 30

#asks #cr0racle #thanks cro!!#ask game

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lewyn-martell · 4 years

Note

5, 6, 17, 32, 37, 38, 39

i’m so sorry it took me this long, my computer was with my little bro and i needed it to check the songs on my playlist seeing how long they last and etc.

5. a song over 5 minutes long

Kajira Re by Alisha Chinai

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thank you brazillian novela caminho das índias for giving me this song.

6. a song under 2 minutes long

El Mundo es mi Familia from Coco soundtrack (in spanish)

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this song is like 50 seconds long but i love it so much, i YEARN for a full version.

>>> honorable mentions to Jessica Jones’ Main Title and Double Trouble from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban’s soundtrack.

17. a song for raging

Cat People (Putting Out Fire) by David Bowie

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my dudes this is to rage with class, i really REALLY wanted to put helter skelter by the beatles where it’s like a punch, but THIS ONE it builds the tension so beautifully and then it punches you in the face and it’s WORTH IT.

32. a song whose lyrics shocked you once you were old enough to understand them

Love the Way You Lie by Eminem ft. Rihanna

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well, rather than shocked in a bad way, getting older made me actually understand and appreciate this song even more. the lyrics showcase an abusive relationship primarily through the eyes of the abuser and it blew me away to see the circular narrative of the abuse, the highs and lows and how they lie to each other and to themselves for their own reasons to keep it. it made me seriously be in awe of how each section works: the first presents the relationship to us and establishes all the ups and downs of it, the second one tells us how the initial high exploded into hatred and how she tries to get away from it, leaving him in pain which brings us to the last section where he desperately tries to make excuses to get them back together, promising to change when in the last line we get the “If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again, I'ma tie her/To the bed and set this house on fire” which... WOW. i truly have no words.

37. a song you’re ashamed to have in your music library

i don’t think i’m ashamed of any music i like... i mean, have i tried to conceal to a classmate that i listen to the high school musical soundtrack? sure, but for tumblr??? hiaskjnkasjn we all embarrass ourselves daily on this site, it’s not like my questionable taste in music is the most scandalous thing i’ve ever presented about myself here.

still, i’m trying, but idk,,, maybe one less lonely girl by justin bieber? maybe because it’s understandable for society to listen to a catchy pop song when it’s released but then everyone moves on and i still have it in my library ever since i listened to it and i still enjoy it?

38. ok what’s the song you were too ashamed to even post for #37

i’m out of options. maybe the fact that i still listen to the smiths on streaming even though morrissey is Like That. but that could be said about a lot of artists on my playlist that i have no idea if they are indeed Like That.

39. the most played song in your music library

this is a very hard one because i only got spotify premium pretty recently so that site that shows this kind of stuff wouldn’t show it with accuracy, and neither will any of the other platforms i listen bc i also used another streaming service during the high of my beatles obsession so my library of downloaded songs would not cover that, so there’s really no way to know. BUT the song i heard the most ON SPOTIFY IN 2019 was Shrike by Hozier if it’s worth anything.

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#messages #music #abt me #kajira re #alisha chinai #el mundo es mi familia #coco #kristen anderson lopez #robert lopez #love the way you lie #eminem #rihanna #david bowie #cat people (putting out fire)#shrike #hozier

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lazulifoster · 5 years

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An Unexpected Visitor (Loki X Reader) Part 2

Prompt: Sex by The 1975, Million Dollar Man by Lana Del Rey, and If I Never See Your Face Again by Maroon 5 feat Rihanna

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Swearing; angst; arguing; mild sexual content

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: Inspiration from my Spotify Playlist again lol I think I say this every time I post something but sorry if its a slow burn, I actually have a lot of ideas for this fic but I like a slow build ;) Hope you enjoy part 2 if there are typos, from the bottom of my heart, my bad :)

Brief Summary: Loki and you dated back in college before he up and vanished. You have moved on with your life, even started a family, but an unexpected visitor makes his way back into your life.

||5 years earlier||

“Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.” “Loki…” “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out, even to the edge of doom.”

Loki.” “…by heaven, I think my love as rare as any she belied with false compare.” “LOKI! I’m going to fail this quiz if you don’t shut up and quit reciting Shakespeare!” “Oh, hush, love. There is no reason to study, anyway. You know all the answers already.”

“I just want to double check and make sure. Because last time this happened, I practically failed my quiz.” “I seriously doubt you’re capable of failure, Y/N. Besides, your beauty alone deserves to be glorified at every waking moment.” “ Oh pleeease, your flattery won't work this time.” “Won’t it?” Loki leaned in close to me, placing gentle kisses along my neck, causing my will to study to wane dramatically.

Loki then pushed my notes and books of my bed, and we both rapidly undressed, making me completely forget about my upcoming quiz.

************************

“You better start fucking explaining yourself, Loki!”

I began a feeble attempt to reel in the myriad of thoughts flooding my mind. My emotions were a chaotic blend of utter confusion and absolute joy. Loki was here, in the flesh; holding me, kissing me, and telling me we belonged together.

I had pictured this moment so many times over the years, and nothing was happening like I had imagined it. But as much as I missed Loki and secretly yearned for his over the years, reality slowly crept in. Loki was gone far too long to go without explaining himself. I needed answers. Lots of answers.

“My love, I promise you, I will explain everything, but this is hardly the time or place—” “Oh no, no, I am not playing games with you Loki! The “time and place” is right now! You’re the one who left and decided to just randomly show up out of nowhere!” My voice cracked, and I forced myself to hold back more tears, annoyed at myself for getting emotional again.

“I need to know what happened to you, Loki. You owe me that much.”

I could see Loki felt guilty. I knew that behind his devil-may-care attitude and playful demeanor he felt awful for deserting me. I started to feel sorry for getting heated with him again. The Loki I knew would never just leave without a legitimate reason. But suspicious thoughts kept lurking in my head. He’s just trying to manipulate you. I shook the feeling aside, I already had too much to think about. I reached up and rubbed my hand through his beautiful black hair.

“I’m sorry, Loki. I’m just—I don’t know, there is a lot to take in.”

Loki gave a slight grin, placing both of his hands on my waist.

“As much as I’d love to chat with you about everything that's happened, darling, your mum has prepared something for dinner that smells absolutely delicious, and it would be a shame to let all her hard work go to waste.”

I gave a slight chuckle. Loki was right. If I wanted to know the full story, it would be best to wait till my parents and ex weren’t around. Also, I hadn’t eaten all my food at the restaurant with David, so I was actually quite hungry as well.

“Fine. But this isn’t over.” I reminded Loki. He nodded and leaned forward and gave me a soft peck on my forehead before both of us walked in the house. Neither my mom, dad, or David noticed Loki had ever left; still speaking with his illusion.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Mom asked suspiciously

“Oh yeah—um—no I didn’t.” I stumbled over my words like a nervous school girl. Keep it together.

Rachel waddled up to me babbling what sounded like, “Mama.” She wasn’t really speaking yet, but her little attempts always made me so proud. I picked her up off the floor, and she looked around at us five adults standing around talking. Rachel’s eyes met Loki’s, to which Loki made a silly face at Rachel, causing her to laugh loudly. The brief moment between them made me and my parents chuckle. Seeing Loki interact with Rachel made my heart melt; it was almost too adorable for me to handle. The sweet moment ended abruptly however when I looked over at David and saw an irritated scowl cross his face. Knowing David’s temper, I cleared my throat to break the building tension.

“So…what did you make for dinner, mom?” “Oh, just some roast chicken with mash potatoes and Brussel sprouts, nothing fancy.”

“A regular feast, I cannot wait to try, Mrs. Y/L/N.” Loki smiled

“Well, come on in the dining room then, we don’t want the food getting cold.” Mom began ushering us to the dinner table.

“I already ate,” David interjected.

Mom, still walking away, yelled behind her, “Well I guess you can go home then, David.”

My dad laughed from the dining room at my mom’s sassy comment, making David looked at me and whispered, “What the hell?”

"It’s ok, we’ll talk later. I’ll text you.”

David gave me an annoyed look but decided it would be better to leave before he left my parent's good graces entirely. David gave Rachel a quick kiss goodbye and made a quiet exit.

When David left, all of us inadvertently let out a collective sigh of relief.

“Finally got him out of here, goodness gracious,” Dad grumbled.

“Dad, can we not…”

“I just want a relaxing family dinner with all of, it’s been too long.” Mom was beaming. Sometimes I wondered if mom loved Loki more than I do.

Did.

My mind was still an absolute whirlwind. Barely an hour ago, David and I were at dinner, talking about our daughter’s future and reconsidering where our relationship stood. Then I see Loki’s car in my parent's driveway with his stupid “God of Mischief” vanity plates, next thing I know were kissing, uprooting so many feelings I had pushed down over the last 3 years; and now Loki was eating dinner at my house like we had years ago. My emotions were a constant ebb and flow or fury, and affection One moment, I suppressed every urge I had to cause a scene and demand answers from Loki. The next, I wanted Loki to take me in his arms again and to pick up where we had left off. I still couldn’t comprehend how someone who I spent almost every day with since I was 18 to just suddenly vanished. I mean, I knew about Loki being a god. I knew about his brother, Asgard, and the Avengers. I didn’t know everything, but he had told me bits and pieces and opened up to me over the years. I also knew he would have to leave occasionally concerning “family squabbles” and things concerning the Avengers, but he would always let me know ahead of time and would even send his illusion to check in on me.

The leading theory I had settled on for Loki leaving was I thought I scared him off because of the last conversation we had. Petty, I know, but I couldn’t think of anything else it could possibly be.

I remembered every detail about our last conversation, probably because I played the moment repeatedly, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was almost the end of the semester. Loki and I were in a local coffee shop, close enough to the college to walk, but not close enough where it was bombarded by other collegians studying for finals. Loki was actually helping me study for my other classes besides literature. I was studying for a freshman world geography class, an easy elective I took to boost my GPA. We had both ordered our drinks (Loki drank an Italian roast, black, and I had a cortado.)

While he was helping me study the countries of the Eastern Hemisphere, I looked up at him.

“Do you think you’ll ever get married? Or have kids?”

While Loki took a sip of his coffee, his eyes quickly shifted to me.

“I mean, one day. I’m not saying to me—or anything—um, I was just curious. Plus I’m bored of studying.” I gave an awkward laugh, trying to hide my cheeks turning a bright shade of crimson.

Loki bit his lip and tilted his head up and looked off in the distance. I felt like I could actually see wheels turning in his head. Then he spoke.

“I honestly cannot answer that.”

“Oh…”

“Well, I don’t know, truthfully. Marriage seems so, arbitrary to me. Especially, as a god, time means nothing to me, but to Midgardians, time is so precious, so you decide one person to spend that time with until your dying breath. So if I were to marry an Asgardian, I would be tied to them for possibly, millennia. And if I was to marry a Midgardian, they will have already lived a quarter of their life. I’ve been alive far too long and have learned there is no point in getting attached to something I cannot keep.”

He spoke so matter-of-factly that it almost brought me to tears. Was that all I was to him? A mere mortal with 25% of my life over. I felt foolish for thinking I could be more to him than a Midgardian “friend with benefits.”

Pretending not to be hurt, however, I nodded nonchalantly as I listened to his rant and took a sip of my drink. He continued.

“I could see myself having children though, one day.”

“So you can’t see yourself getting married, but you can see yourself having children? Alrighty then.” I laughed, accidentally letting my hurt feelings slip into my reply.

“Do you see a problem with that, love?”

“No, not at all, to each his own. So kids huh?” He looked at me and gave me a rueful grin.

“I would love to give my children the childhood I always craved.”

I gave a sympathetic groan and reached out for his arm and gave him a gentle squeeze. I didn’t want to press the issue further. I knew how sensitive he was about the subject. After a few moments, Loki spoke again, looking directly into my eyes.

“Did you ask me that, because I am someone you would want to marry?”

My eyes inadvertently widened and swallowed a little harder than necessary. I felt a little uneasy because Loki refused to break eye contact with me.

“Honestly, Loki…” I felt instant nausea from my nerves.

“Yes?”

“You are someone I want to marry. Why wouldn’t I? You’re amazing, you’re well read, you’re kind, but more importantly, you’re my best friend, of course, you’re someone I would want to fucking marry! I don’t care if I’ve ‘lived a quarter of my life’ already if you love someone you choose to love them no matter what!” I spoke a little louder than I intended too because a few coffee shop patrons turned their heads toward our table.

Loki chuckled at my obvious embarrassment. I gave an awkward half-smile and placed my hands on my face as if trying to wipe away my blushing cheeks. Loki grinned at me and brushed a few strands of hair away from my face before he spoke again.

“Well, darling, I am very flattered.” He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Now how about we get back to studying? You need to do well on your exam.”

The quick change of subject confused me for a second before I agreed with him and I began to study for my exam again. After a while, I was ready to go call it a day. Loki offered to give me a ride home, but I initially declined and told him I’d walk; partly because that day was uncharacteristically mild for winter and I wanted to enjoy the lovely weather; also I was extremely embarrassed about the conversation we had inside the coffee shop. But Loki insisted that he take me home and I, not in a mood to argue, I caved. The car ride was awkward, neither of us said anything the whole trip which generally wouldn’t be all that unusual, but because the conversation did not go as planned on my part, I felt that maybe I had crossed the line. When Loki finally reached my driveway, he parked his car and looked at me.

“Y/n, I want to apologize if what I said hurt you. Please don’t misunderstand me, I care for you deeply. I may not know what the future holds but what I know for certain is that you belong to me, and I belong to you, no matter what happens.”

I smiled at him, exhaling a breath I held in the whole car ride; thankful for his reassurance. Loki and I never had any labels in our relationship which was alright for the most part because I knew he cared for me, but every once in a while it was nice to hear him tell me how he felt. Even if he did think marriage was just a quirky Midgardian tradition. But one part of what he said caught me off guard: ‘No matter what happens’”? What does that mean? Ultimately, I shook it off as me being too analytical and leaned in to kiss Loki.

“I love you too, Loki.”

I stepped out of his car and waved back at him, “See you tomorrow!”

He waved back at me and drove off. That was the last time I saw or spoke to Loki.

********************

Dinner with Loki and my parents went as well as expected. The meal mom prepared was delicious, Rachel only threw half of her food on the floor, and mom and dad bombarded Loki with questions.

“So where have you been, Loki? We were starting to worry about ya.” Dad said, giving Loki a pat on his back.

“I have been rather busy with work, I’ve done a little bit of traveling, and also spending time with my family.”

I rolled my eyes. I swear to god he better not lie to me like that when he accounts for the last few years.

“Well, it’s good to have you back, Sweetheart.” Mom cut in, “Will we see more of you?”

Loki looked over at me when he answered, “Yes indeed. I’m not going anywhere as long as I can help it.”

I rolled my eyes again, trying to hide the smile forming on my lips.

Once dinner was over, leftovers and dishes put away, My parents said their “goodnights” and left for bed. I also excused myself for a brief moment, needing to get Rachel ready for bed. Before I carried Rachel to her room, Loki reached for Rachel’s little hand, “Goodnight little love, thank you for showing me all your toys this evening.” Rachel babbled incoherently and gave Loki a smile showing all the teeth she had.

“I think somebody likes you” I smirked, “Say ‘thank you Loki for playing with me’”

Rachel babbled again while Loki lowered himself to her eye level, giving her his undivided attention.

“Well, it was my pleasure, Rachel. Have pleasant dreams.”

I left and tucked Rachel into her little bed, and she fell asleep shortly after. As she slept, I stared at her for a moment before heading back to the living room. I thought about how adorable Loki was with my daughter. Interacting with children seemingly came so naturally to him. I also wished that David would be the same way with Rachel. He was a great father in that he worked hard to provide for her, but that was the only way David showed he loved her, especially after we parted ways. David wouldn’t play with her, and would hardly make time to spend time alone with her. He blamed work for not being around Rachel as often as he should. David worked for his father’s law firm. Influential attorneys defending the most guilty and the richest. I know Rachel was far too young to understand the nuances of a father/daughter relationship, but whenever David would walk past her or halfheartedly acknowledge her, I could see in her little eyes, that it hurt her.

I made my way back to the living room and saw Loki sitting on the couch, waiting for me. He stood when I re-entered the room and made his way toward me.

“I should probably get going, I know we could all use a restful nights sleep.”

“We still need to talk—”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Loki gently interrupted, “Why don’t we meet in the morning for breakfast, we can go anywhere you want to go.”

“Well, my parents can’t watch Rachel tomorrow, they both have something they have to go to, so if we go anywhere, Rachel will have to come.”

Loki’s face lit up, “That sounds delightful! We shall make a day out of it then.” His hand reached down placed his palm on my face like he had earlier. This time I didn’t swat him away, instead, I wrapped my arms around him. I missed feeling his body against mine. Loki pulled me in closer and rested his chin on top of my head.

Sadly we were interrupted by my phone vibrating. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw a text from David reading: Hey, we need to finish talking when you get a chance. We couldn’t with that guy hanging around. Text me back ASAP.

I groaned. Loki peaked at David’s message and scoffed,“‘That guy’? Charming.”

“You have no idea,” I replied, more to myself than Loki.

Loki’s face turned concerned, “What do you mean?”

“Ugh, he’s just—sometimes he’s a dick, but otherwise he’s alright. He makes sure Rachel is taken care of, so that’s all I care about.” Giving me a dubious look, I reassured Loki that I was fine and that David was just annoying sometimes. Reaching for my hand, Loki made his way toward the front door.

“Well, I better go, love. I look forward to spending the day with you and Rachel.” Loki pulled me close and kissed me on the lips before closing the door behind him. I peeked out the front window and saw him stoop down into his car, rev his engine, and drive off. What have you been up to, Loki Odinson?

**************

David, back at his penthouse apartment, reclined in his Eames chair, sipping away at bourbon and fiddled with his phone. He had searched the name “Loki Odinson” over and over on Google but only found references to Norse Mythology.

Who the fuck is this guy?

David exited his Google Search and began scrolling through his contact list until he found the name, Darren. He pressed the call icon and waited for him to answer.

“Hey David, you’re up late.” “Darren. I have a favor to ask.” “Anything Chief, what do you need?” “I need you to look into someone for me, the name: ‘Loki Odinson.’”

“You got it, boss. I’ll see what I can find.”

Darren ended the call, and David went to his iPhone photo album. He scrolled through his pictures until he found an old picture of Y/N.

This stupid bitch better be careful. She’s gonna get her heart broken all over again.

Taglist:

@imasultforlokiandspencerreid

@crescent-night

@portietomednalynn

#loki x reader #loki x you #loki odinson #loki friggason #loki laufeyson #marvel mcu #loki smut #marvel #loki #loki fandom #avengers #latenight #loki fanfic #tom hiddleston

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secretradiobrooklyn · 3 years

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May Day Edition | 5.1.21

Secret Radio | 5.1.21 | Hear it here.

1. Zia - “Helel Yos”

This song has been in our heads in a big way the last few weeks. Zia was my first exposure to pre-revolutionary Iranian rock — sometimes called “psych rock,” though I can’t tell if that’s a designation he would make himself. But to be fair, I have no idea what he’s going for. Nonetheless, those little whistles he does get under my skin and into my brain. I wake up in the morning singing “helel yoza, hella hella helel yoza”… This is from the late ‘60s, I believe. The whole album (also called “Helel Yos”) is pretty excellent, and includes the song “Khofrium” from our last broadcast. A recent favorite and highly recommended.

2. Shin Joong Hyun - “Pushing through the Fog”

Somehow stumbled on this collection of South Korean music, and it has been mesmerizing. Shin Joong Hyun is a great example of something I love discovering over and over again: someone working within a language and a genre, but also expressing a completely unique personal style that extends beyond those general qualities and into startling specifics. This song is from “Beautiful Rivers and Mountains: The Psychedelic Rock Sound of South Korea’s Shin Joong Hyun 1958-74,” which blows my mind, because the tones, and especially the bass and drums, sound so completely of the moment. It’s sold out at Light In The Attic’s store, so we’ll be keeping our eyes out for it in the wild, because these are going to be some crucial liner notes. The brief version on their site describes him as a guitarist, songwriter, producer, arranger, and talent developer. He began by performing for US troops in Korea post active war time, became a bewitching guitarist and songwriter, then started producing other bands in the region, and a string of hits developed. It sounds like his story includes a really harsh period of intrusion and disruption by the government… but as far as I can tell he survived to the current day, and even helped oversee this collection.

3. The Traces - “Je t’aime moi non plus” - “Thai Beat A Go Go Vol 2”

Ummm… I would LOVE to know what words they’re singing. This chummy Thai version of Gainsbourg’s super sensual “Je t’aime, moi non plus” is such a weird listening experience. I think one of the singers is either drunk or hearing the song for a first or second pass. What are they saying?!

4. Annie Philippe - “On m’a toujours dit”

I really love the energy and style of this track and many of the Annie Philippe songs I’ve heard, which makes it aggravating that the first thing one finds online in English about Philippe is a condescending, limp writeup on her by Richie Unterberger that tries its best to ignore how delightful her voice is and how pleasurable the arrangements are — luckily the dude mentions that Paul Mariat worked on her albums, who also arranged Charles Aznavour. I love the florid colors of French pop from the ‘60s with hothouse arrangements and wide-flung voices. The ebullient drums and electric guitar, the confident harmonies and tucked in little organ and horn licks are all pure joy.

5. T.P. Orchestre Poly-Rythmo de Cotonou - “Houton Kan Do Go Me”

While we were in the Illinois woods we received some very welcome records from Germany’s Analog Africa label which included “The Skeletal Essences of Afro-Funk,” a collection of songs by pretty much our favorite band in the world, T.P. Orchestre. These songs that explore some of the facets of the band that “Echoes Hypnotique” and “The Vodoun Effect” — both gorgeous, keystone records — hadn’t gotten to yet. The language is Fon, the style is Jerk, and the composer (though not the singer, I think) is Bentho Gustave, T.P.’s bassist. pretty sure the singer is Lohento Eskill.

- Hailu Mergia & The Walias - “Musicawi Silt”

The Walias is the band that Hailu Mergia was in when he first came to America. I seem to remember a story that they were disappointed with the trip, went home to Ethiopia and broke up, but Mergia stayed and kept developing his keyboard style, which did a few decades later (!) actually win him wide recognition and acclaim. This is some of his earlier work, not in the director’s seat, and you can hear so much of Mergia’s style woven into the band’s arrangements. I love how it sounds like he’s just playing pure electric current — it barely sounds like an organ to me, more like uncut groove tone.

6. “Newsies” clip

In celebration of May Day, we present this inspiring tale of unions forming in the streets of New York.

7. Sexe a Pile - “Pas Méchant”

Another recent record score, this one from our other most favorite label, Born Bad Records in France: “Paink: French Punk Anthems 1977-1982.” One thing I love about this song is that the chorus always makes me think of “High Class” by the Buzzards, a song that never got nearly enough love as far as I’m concerned.

8. The Replacements - “Customer”

Dave got me thinking about the Replacements and before I knew it we were deep into “Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash.” So wild and loose and pissed off and sincere the whole time. You can really hear Westerberg yearn to be great but also sneer at himself for taking something seriously. It used to sound so unhinged to me but now it has become an album about being young and scared of yourself

9. Plearn Promdan - “Ruk Kum Samong”

Well, this was something we didn’t see coming — the Thai music we’ve heard up to now has been more ’50s influenced. It sounds like a four-piece rock band surrounded by a drum circle. This is part of what’s apparently known as Luk Thung underground. There’s been some very good stuff so far, I look forward to finding out more.

10. T.P. Orchestre - “Azanlokpe”

I got a little obsessed with T.P. Orchestre for a while there, and was trying to listen to every single recording that Discogs offered — which is a LOT, because they were super prolific. This is one of my favorite finds so far. I wish I could say which singer this is; it was noted as Melome Clément but I don’t think that’s him. So many talented people in this band!

11. Francis Bebey - “Super Jingle”

Francis Bebey contains multitudes. I’m pretty sure he records all of these parts himself. I think he’s just a master of rhythm — all of the instruments weave a tapestry that he can then cavort upon. The body of the song is so hypnotizing, the lead so akimbo.

12. Dalida - “J’ai revé”

One of the highlights of the 2017 St. Louis International Film Fest was the biopic of her life. This is early Dalida. As far as Paige understands, she’s the French Lady Gaga for people who were clubbing in the ’70s and ’80s. The story of her life has some really sad shit, but this take on Bobby Darin’s “Dream Lover” is full of life.

- “Newsies” reprise

Radical sincerity sometimes requires references to musicals.

- Petch Pintong - “Soul Lum Piern”

I love this track and know nothing about it except that it was collected on “Thai Beat A Go Go Vol 4.” Those collections have turned out to be full of riches!

13. Atomic Forest - “Obsession ’77 (Fast)”

OK, these guys seem really interesting. They’re an Indian psych-funk band, which was apparently totally unheard of there, and they only released a single album — and that one only after they broke up. Because that album is full of great stuff, most notably (at least to me) this track, their story is almost too perfectly suited to the obsessions of vinyl collectors worldwide. Now-Again Records re-released the album in 2011, and we ran across it just a couple months ago. I really enjoy the sense of narrative in the song — what’s happening in the foreground keeps evolving and remaining legitimately interesting.

14. Metak - “Da Mi Je Biti Morski Pas”

I’m proud to say that these dedicated rockers are Croatian, and this track from 1980 rocks like a seafoam T-top Stingray. This is from a 7” with “Rock’n’Roller” on the flip.

15. Mai Lan - “Les Huîtres”

Paige found this amazing playlist on Spotify years ago, and this is finally the way she started getting into more contemporary French music. It sounds like she’s from a musical and artistic French-Vietnamese family. “Les Huîtres” is from around 2008. Kind of feels like

16. VIS Idoli - “Maljciki”

We found a video of this Yugoslavian ska while looking for something else entirely. I did learn that this is political ska, and that they were frowned upon by the government. One account has them being indulged by the government; another has them under threat of punishment. I do love knowing that ska is a political form and not just a genre. I have no idea how they would feel about the Croatian rockers a few tracks back, and I hope none of them did any harm to one another other during the terrible ‘90s.

17. Para One, Arthur Simonini - “La Jeune Fille en Feu” - “Portrait of a Woman on Fire” score

Did you see “Portrait of a Woman on Fire”? We highly recommend it, for a lot of reasons but definitely for the passage of this song. It sounds great here, but at night, by firelight, with all the nuns and farmwomen on the island?

18. The Space Lady - “Ghost Riders in the Sky”

- Sleepy Kitty - “Western Antagonist Reflection”

19. Mikyas Chernet - “Ziyoze”

Marc, this is the song I was talking about stepping into the Teddy Afro position. It’s definitely not the same, but you can hear the modern Ethiopian pop feel running through it. It helps that I first heard it while picking up an order from our favorite Ethiopian in STL, which is also where we first heard Teddy Afro. The dancers are on POINT in the video, and they’re rockin a couple of new styles that I hadn’t seen yet.

20. Nazir Ali - “Lad Pyar Aur Beti”

Listen to the giant smiles in their voices! This is from a very recent compilation. That female voice has to be Nahid Aktar, or at least it sounds just like her; I think the protagonist-sounding male voice is Ali’s. There is a brief appearance from that Oscar the Grouch-sounding guy from last episode’s Aktar song. It’s so cool how the song shifts into new mode after new mode as it goes.

21. Nathalie - “L’Amour Nous Repond”

22. The Fall - “L.A.”

This period of The Fall is surely our favorite — wherever Brix E. went, the songs were great. And now, with vaccines coursing through our systems, we can feel our thoughts casting their way to LA and San Francisco…

23. Akaba Man & The Nigie Rokets - “Ta Gha Hunsimwen”

Analog Africa’s most recent release is “Edo Funk Explosion Vol. 1,” with tracks from the late ‘70s and ‘80s in Nigeria’s Benin City. Akaba Man is described as “the philosopher king of Edo funk.” The whole album is full of good tracks that only get better with repeated listens. This one has a bed of sounds that could happily go on for hours or days.

24. Gérard Manset - “Entrez dans le rêve”

Paige: “If you ever want to hear Lou Reed sing in French, this is the best we’re gonna get.”

- Johnny Guitar - “Bangkok by Night”

We heard the “Shadow Music of Thailand” album a while back but haven’t dipped into it for too long. This Santo & Johnny style reverbed-out dream of the ‘50s lives eternally in Thai psych guitar.

25. David Bowie - “When I Live My Dream”

We do not condone the killing of any species of dragon, and I can only trust that neither dragon nor giant was harmed in the making of this fantasy.

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webkitvn · 3 years

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Chapter 2: I hankered to meet him

The sun gradually was falling down behind mountain ranges in front of my house, the bright and blazing orange-red palette in the part of the sky overwhelmed me, I’m really nuts about sunsets. Rice fields in the valley below were swaying in the wind as well as flocks of birds flying to the horizon. The stunning setting made me loosen up while I was longing for his call because we hadn’t still chosen the venue for our date, I waited in vain for the phone to ring, but it didn’t. Eventually, I had to be proactive to make a phone call to Khanh.

A low-pitched and warm voice heard from the other end of the line, “Alo, Khanh speaking, who's calling, please? ”.

“This is Hien calling, we are gonna meet at 7 pm in the Royal tea shop near my house, is it ok for you? or do you have any recommendations? I said to him.

“Ok, no problem, it depends on you, by the way, would you like to invite some friends?, it’s much fun getting more people”. He replied.

I refused his suggestion again as I just wanted to have a private conversation with Khanh.

I hurried to take a shower, shampooed my hair. I decided to opt for a floral dress, donned a black blazer, which I paired with a pair of flat shoes, my hair cascaded over my shoulders, I styled my sleek tresses in loose waves, and last but not least, I sprayed some perfume on.

“And now, I’m ready for the outing”. I talked to myself.

I headed to the rendezvous first and ordered a cup of bubble tea with extra black tapioca pearls, in fact, I’m a self-admitted milk tea addict, the feeling of chewing tapioca pearls makes me bubble over with excitement, they are chewy, fragrant and really delicious. I sat waiting for Khanh while I was listening to some tunes on Spotify, country music has always been my favorite genre, it’s profoundly soothing, melodic and upbeat, I wore my headphones with a high volume, it seemed so perfect when I enjoyed the crisp weather as well as a windy evening, looked at people bundled themselves up in thick coats, traveling leisurely on the streets in the town, sometimes brisk winds blowing hard through my hair made me shiver with cold. I can't have this feeling again as I returned to Sai Gon. In that time, I absolutely forgot all of my problems and escaped my hectic workload as well.

After a while, he finally came. For the date, Khanh kept it casual in a pair of ripped jeans, a warm coat along with a grey polo, he rocked dark blue sneakers and he had a new hairstyle, too.

“ Khanh, I’m over here”. I said sharly.

“Have you been waiting long?”. He asked me.

“I’ve just arrived, you need to go inside and order your drink at the counter”. I answered and smiled back at him.

We had a long chat with each other, memories of schooldays came flooding back when we recollected corny stuff, most of our classmates tied the knot and had children. Even the two of them divorced, how quickly time goes!. Everything changed, so did we.

“ We haven't met each other for ages, the last time that I’d met you 2 years ago in the class reunion, but I got stuff so I had to excuse myself and left the meeting early, then, everybody headed to a karaoke bar”.

“I actually didn’t remember, it had been for a long time ago”. Khanh said coldly, as though he'd completely forgotten all old things in the past.

“What’s about your business?, you’re in the sweet soup business but you changed a lot of your business location, are you afraid of losing a considerable number of customers”. I asked him.

“To be honest, you know, the town is a sparsely populated region, it’s rather small as well, therefore it is not difficult for patrons to find my sweet soup shop. But now I run my business by myself and my mom opened another store in the housing estate”.

“How many kinds of sweet soups are you selling?. You’ve taken care of everything in the store from preparing ingredients, cooking to serving customers, so have you ever felt worn-out?. I said.

“I haven’t had plenty of customers as well as my store is on a small scale, hence there is no obstacle to me running the store, I work all month in a row without a day off. How about you?, what are you doing for a living in Sai Gon”.

“I’ve worked as a Marketer, I specialize in searching for ideas, taking care of customers, managing fanpages, advertising products on social media and other stuff. Moreover, I also run an online business to earn more cash, I trade in garments. To be frank with you, I have a great ambition in life, sometimes, I’m really stressed and under pressure in order to meet or overcome the sales target, KPI of my company. Life will always be harsh if you don’t work hard and try your best amid the hustle and bustle of Sai Gon.” I replied back and sent him a warm smile.

“Actually, in the past, I worked my fingers to the bone in the hope of earning more income, but now I’ll work all month, then I’d like to spend a few days traveling, I don’t want to toil too much any longer”. Khanh said.

After listening to words Khanh’s just said, I realized that we are as different as chalk and cheese, I’m a perfectionist, I have great aspirations to earn a lot of money, I want to get a house in Sai Gon, I will be able to afford to buy a car in order to take my children to school or taking my mom traveling without worrying about the weather, unexpected rains, the blazing sunshine or strong winds, moreover it’s much safer than a motorcycle.

I wondered why Khanh doesn’t think about hiring employees and expanding his work. His business location is quite narrow and small, he takes advantage of the sidewalk in front of his place to put plastic tables and chairs. It appears that he doesn't want to develop his business to boost revenues. Khanh should have figured out how to diversify sweet soups, decorate the store, or launch marketing campaigns in order to attract more customers.

I know I shouldn’t force my thoughts on others, everyone has their own opinions about how to live. There are people wanting to make a bunch of cash, they feel content with their lives, but on the other hand, others just would like to live in clover and have a stable job, who have no yearning to get rich.

I thought too much, shook my head and came back to reality.

I had a long conversation with him, I perceived that Khanh hasn’t had feelings for me, I’d better keep my affections, beautiful recollections and this relationship platonic. A platonic friendship was a good choice, which made me more relieved.

After more than one hour of chatting with each other. “ Have you eaten dinner?. Why don't we go eat something outside?. Khanh asked me.

“I haven’t, what would you like to eat?, could you recommend something well for me?. I occasionally visit my home, so I don’t know much about delicious snack stalls and food joints in the town”.

“It’s up to you, but good eateries are really far away”. He said back, showing off his tiny cheek dimples.

It seemed that we were at a loss for words, the feeling of embarrassment enveloped us, I glanced at the food joint a few meters away, the store sells pho bo, bun cha ca ( beef noodle soup and fish cake noodle soup). We decided to head to that store and ordered food.

Two bowls of steaming fish cake noodle soups that the shop owner brought us, seemed to get rid of the cold air outside.

“Do you regret anything?”. Khanh suddenly asked me while we were eating.

“I just regret choosing the wrong major and I should have studied harder in college. The business administration major that I studied, is too broad and rather general”. I replied instantly.

We finished off our meal and came back home, the reunion between him and me came to an end. Khanh paid for the meal, we stepped outside and said goodbye to each other. I stood on the pavement seeing him leaving, then I decided to ride my motorcycle around the town before heading back home.

The fresh air at night made me comfy and very laid-back, the darkness covered the whole town, street lights shone bright on the roads, the market was completely deserted, there had been just the murmur of the wind and some street cleaners were cleaning off litter on streets.

When I got home, I threw on my sleepwear, headed towards the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, I got ready for bed. I rolled myself up in the blanket, then unlocked my phone and sent Khanh a text.

“ Thank you for seeing me tonight, we always will be good friends, won’t we?.”

I waited for a while to check whether Khanh texts me back or not, but he didn’t.

“ I’d better close the past, live each day to the fullest and look forward to the future”. I thought and felt more relieved. I locked my phone, closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

View more: : Chapter 2: I hankered to meet him

source https://kimienglish.com/chapter-2-a-date-with-him/

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