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#I wish you would write a fic where
prompt: spider takes the bullet, not neteyam. quaritch will do anything to get his son back, anything. he'll even work with augustine's recom.
(warnings for discussions of past torture and character death, although really an astonishingly gen ending to this magnificent journey)
ao3
"They won't help you," he says. "You know that, right?"
Augustine stares at him, face studiously blank the way it used to get during long board meetings. He can see her tail twitching, though, ears flickering like she's trying to ward off a nonexistent fly.
Behind her, farther down the bloodstained rock, Mo'at'ite hisses, knuckles white around her bow (that bow, that fuckingbow, but Quaritch won't look at it, anymore than he'll look at the body at Augustine's feet). She and Sully both have their weapons drawn, but Quaritch isn't the slow target he was in the AMP anymore and Augustine's standing tall, fucking up their sightlines.
"Kiri," Sully says, voice taut. "You gotta get out of the way, babygirl--"
Quaritch barks a laugh, the ragged kind that comes when you're teetering on the edge of hysteria. "Babygirl? You shitting me?" He shakes his head. "Come the fuck on, doc. The Augustine I know would've put out her cigarette on any man who tried that shit with her."
"She isn't Grace," Sully says hoarsely. "Kiri, stand down now. That's an order."
Quaritch doesn't even dignify that shit with a response, just rolls his eyes (easier to avoid looking at the ground, at the body). Augustine doesn't seem particularly moved either, her fingers flexing as she adjusts her stance.
She could kill him, Quaritch knows, without any help from her so-called mommy and daddy. He can feel the power crackling in the air around her, buzzing around her fists, blood-metallic on his tongue. It makes his kuru ache, same way it had in the woods--back then, he'd been too focused on Spider Spider Spider to really pay attention.
He knows better, now. He'd seen what she'd done to Lyle after Sully's voice has crackled over the line, sharp and cold and still shaking ever so slightly: your boy's dead, one of your dumb fucking grunts shot him. Let my daughters go, or you're next. Sully's always been a shit liar, but it was the panicked look at Lyle's face that made it impossible to deny.
Fucking Lyle. He's lucky the way Augustine turned his brain to slurry when she did, before Quaritch could get his hands on him. Lucky he doesn't have to fucking stand here and not look at the thing on the ground, the thing, the body--
"You think they'll even let you bury him?" he asks. "The locals won't stand to have this shit in their holy grounds--they'll probably give him back to Spellman so he can get dumped in a fucking crematorium. You'll never see your Monkey Boy again."
The pipsqueak with the eyebrows, tail lashing. "Don't you talk to her--" he growls, but Augustine cuts him off.
"I'll never see him either way." Her voice is hoarse--Quaritch remembers the way she screamed on the ship, like something had been torn loose in her and would never be put right. He knows that feeling.
"Kiri," the older boy says, the one Lyle had screamed something about trying to shoot instead as his blood ran out of his eyes. "Kir, please, come on--"
"We've got his memories," Quaritch cuts him off fast, can't let her get swayed by her fake family now. "At Bridgehead, we--we scanned them. Got a copy." If they're still there; they better be still there. The kid had thrown a shitfit in the scanner like every time before, but he'd still gone into the revamped Soul Drive with the rest of them.
"You hurt him." There's blood dripping from the tips of her fingers; he wonders if Sully and the rest have realized it's not hers.
"I did," Quaritch admits, because he doesn't have any time to fuck around. "Whatever you want to call me, whatever I've done, you're right. But I want him back, you understand? I mean it, you know I do."
She does. He can feel this fucking eyes of hers burn into him, bright with whatever wacky upgrades she got from her own trip through the other side, flaying him deeply enough she can see Spider Socorro's name written on her heart, same way it's written on hers. Kid's always had that fucking way about him.
"I want him back and none of these assholes will help, none of them could if they fucking wanted to, but I can." Quaritch takes a step forward and the Sullys tense, knuckles white on their weapons. "And you--you've got the know-how, you're the egghead I need in my corner. You brought yourself back, didn't you?"
"She didn't--" Sully whines.
"Didn't she?" Quaritch doesn't bother looking at him, keeps his eyes firmly on Augustine as he holds out a hand. She looks at it, then at him, those little flashy lights twinkling across her skin like she's rebooting. Remembering.
"I offered you a chance to make amends and work on this moon together, once." She knows what he's talking about, he can see it. "You told me to go stick my dick in a woodchipper, and you were right. But I don't care about that anymore, I don't give a fuck about this stupid mudball we're on or the stupid mud ball we're from, I just want my son."
His gaze flicks to her family, just for a second, then back to her. "They don't see anything about you except the meatsuit, same way those RDA pukes did with me. And they don't see anything about--" His breath catches, twists, "him, except that he's a big fucking mistake, and they'll do everything they can to forget he ever existed."
Silence. Her jaw works and he wonders if she wishes she had a cigarette right now--seeing her without one feels more jarring than the baby face or the blue skin. 
"Kiri," the little girl whines, reaching out before the Metkayina girl carefully tugs her back. "Kiri, please."
Augustine's hair rustles with a wind that doesn't exist and her fists curls tight at her side, fingers trembling. Quaritch wonders if she's going to burn him like she burned Lyle, or maybe just call up something big and toothy to rip him apart.
And she might have, if Sully hadn't decided to lunge across the island in a few big, stupid strides, clapping his hand down her shoulder. "Kiri," he gasps, tugging her back. "Come on--"
Her eyes flare (panic anger fear, quick and smashed-up the way it always came with her) and she whirls, queue crackling, palms raised high. Sully goes staggering backward with a yelp, clutching his bleeding nose, and Mo'at'ite lunges to catch him before his head hits the rock. Augustine watches him topple, stunned still, gaping in horror.
Then she moves. Turns and scoops the...body up from the ground, cradling it (him) carefully to her chest even as she hustles down the rock. No vocalization, but her banshee swoops down from the sky, landing with a whomp of wings next to Cupcake, and she's hauling the body (Spider) onto the saddle before Quaritch's got his first leg up Cupcake's side.
"Kir!" Pipsqueak yells, rushing to their side, frantic. "Kir, wait, don't--"
She holds out a hand and he jerks to a half, from his own volition or hers it's hard to say. "Look after them," she says, and then Quaritch is fitting his own queue home, not that Cupcake needs more encouragement to go go go as they soar into the sky.
They go swoop out over the smoldering sea, Augustine's hair--Spider's hair--whipped gently by the wind. Quaritch glances over his shoulder to see the Sullys vanishing, a scatter of blue dots rapidly fading from view.
"They won't follow us," Augustine calls flatly. "Their ikran won't listen until we're out of range." She shoots him a cold look, hand resting on his son's spine--Quaritch doubts he's getting near that body any time soon, but that doesn't matter, he'll make it not matter. "Lead the way, Ranger Rick."
"Yes, ma'am," he says, just to be an asshole, tossing off a snide salute before leaning into the next turn. She bares her teeth the way the kid used and follows, banshees swerving together to meet the rising sun.
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softlystarstruck · 2 years
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🐝💕 I wish you would write … a drarry yoi crossover AU 😭😭😭⛸⛸💍💍
omg MOSE so if i did this, i think it would a muggle au and even though i know nothing about skating i think itd go a little bit like this:
-draco, russian ice skater extraordinaire, has been skating since he could walk. he has more medals than friends and consistently breaks his own records, and he’s a media darling because of how young and talented and pretty he is. sure, he’s also a little cold to fans and doesnt seem to know how to actually do human interaction, but what does matter when he’s the best? right?
-harry is an upstart skater from england who started competing later than he should have (due to intense anxiety), but despite this he skates so beautifully that he’s turning heads. his deepest secret is that seeing draco on tv at junior worlds is what made him actually start to compete in the first place– he admires draco. he wants to be better than draco. harry is surrounded by friends and family who support him, but when he wipes out at the grand prix final he decides he’s giving up for good
-enter draco, who watches harry skate the most beuatiful routine he’s ever seen and then fall on national television, and it sparks something in him that he never thought he’d feel. he wants someone else to succeed, because he can see it on harry’s face, how determined harry is. and when draco finally gives himself time to think about himself, he realizes how exhausted he is, how much he longs for something different. and he cannot deny that harry’s dimples and unruly curls make him feel something a bit too close to attraction 👀
-so he shows up to harry’s flat! where harry is wallowing and is like “hello ive given up next season to coach you we start tomorrow. also do you have a bed i can sleep in. or we can share, you know, coach/skater bonding!” meanwhile harry is just staring at him in abject horror and tries to figure out wtf is happening
-a lot of times theyre contentious and harry is so stubborn and draco is too flippant but somehow being around draco works, it makes harry remember his drive to be the best in the first place, and in between hard training sessions and an impossible amount of workouts he finds himself sharing bits of his life with draco, taking him to his favorite greek restaurant in london and over to ron and hermiones for dinner and to the aquarium on their rare day off. and he realizes what draco’s life has been like before, underneath all the glamour and medals– impossibly lonely
-and since harry is stubborn, with draco by his side he wins and wins and keeps winning and draco kisses him, right on the ice like he couldnt help it, when harry is trying to catch his breath from a nearly perfectly executed routine, and everything clicks into place
-and then idk they’re like the best power couple in professional skating and get a big dog ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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erytherion · 1 month
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Reading the webtoon and…
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Does this imply that Kim Dokja also tried to write a questionnaire for her to fill in since she wouldn’t speak to him, that either he 1) never gave her in the end (especially if he couldn’t find her after she was released) or 2) gave it to her and she STILL refused to answer?
Because that is so so so so awful. It was already bad but if he tried so many ways to get her to speak and she still gave him no response, regardless of her reasoning… isn’t that still directly choosing to cut herself fully out of his life? Why in the hell did she lie for his sake and allow him to visit her if she wanted to never speak to him again?
I know everyone claims Kim Dokja is just like her in sacrificing himself for loved ones, but at least he tries his best to stay with them and to keep them in his life. He still chooses sacrifice, but it’s not because he intends to never return. He always returns (even if much later than planned).
The only time this differs is with 51%, when he STILL tried his best to stay with them - at least as much as he could.
I sometimes like Lee Sookyung, but I am mostly still SO mad at her for completely ignoring her child since he was 8 years old. Especially when he must have looked like shit any number of times from being mistreated and bullied by family, friends, army, employers.
But maybe that’s just the fragment in me being eternally pissed with her. She DOES love him, but like he says in the webtoon in this chapter - maybe such truths are painful enough to be false anyways, because they’re just SUCH bullshit. That’s not how affection should work, if you actually care about someone and want them to be happy.
#RAWWRGHHH I WANT TO SHAKE HER SO MUCH#LOOK AFTER YOUR KID#and if you can’t do that because of circumstances at least ACKNOWLEDGE HIM#yes I do know she cared and it’s just that she mistakenly believes he’s better off this way without her but like#then WHY does she still insert herself back into his life when he’s finally stopped trying to get her to speak?#yes yes others have great analyses on her and their relationship and I usually agree with their logic but it’s still. So. Hard. to like her#but then I remember that this story was the little Dream’s wishful thinking to cope back then on his own#and so maybe in his world Lee Sookyung never ever would speak to him again#he just wished she would so he wrote it down as happening for This older version of him#and that’s somehow worse because like#even in the story where he got her to speak to him again she still won’t speak so he has to force the words out some way (via outer god)#and if that’s true then it’s still just his interpretation of her actions and choices#and not her own since she never told him#so like ARGGHHH#but I like to believe that characters have autonomy despite their respective author’s efforts in documenting them#so she still chose to speak all of this too and he would have accurately interpreted her this way because she controls what she says#even if he (little Dream Kim Dokja) is the one writing it down as wish fulfilment fix-it fic#a fix-it for himself and not just for the other people he loves#😭😭😭#orv#orv spoilers#omniscient reader’s viewpoint#lee sookyung#kim dokja
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crossbackpoke-check · 2 months
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it’s all the rest of what i want with you
connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k
Summary:
“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”
“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.
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in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!
#OFFICIAL FIC ANNOUNCEMENT 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ i wish i had pretty fic graphics but alas i have No Skill and also. so much work i should be doing bu#HI SHE’S HERE i would love to say this is a complete surprise drop except i have Anxiety & i needed to ask you guys about it beforehand#in my defense i started writing this in like. january far before any tragedy occurred#because square asked about my tags on their dewey2 art and she spawned like. a million more thoughts about it#including the part where i got absolutely kicked in the face with the lightning vision of those two lines.#like those two lines are the first actual lines of the fic i wrote ajdhkwdiowdjiw ANYWAY please be nice to me i know i am always like#‘this is not the first real fic i ever thought i’d post’ and if i had a nickel i’d have three but this is the first pwp i’ve ever posted#and it’s 8k and it’s not a fic for an exchange (although technically i did very much write this for the dewey^2 hivemind so.)#i have SO many things to say i have so many comments on this doc also i couldn’t pick a title for the LONGEST time and i finally decided on#this one but the full quote was too long:#all the rest of what i want with you that scares me shitless#so. i was angling SO hard to make a yung gravy lyric as a title bc i saw the video of him at a wild game but i couldn’t find a good one#and instead y’all got a very sentimental title l m a o.#liv in the replies#shout out to the extended universe this lives in and also my unhinged comments in the docs.#if you liked fun fuck a baby in him friday i’ll be here all week i promise i am the exact same in the comments as i am in the tags 🫡#the NUMBER of times i wrote something in this by pulling it out of my ass and then actually went back and did the research & was RIGHT is.#far too high. also the amount of coincidental things that dropped while i was writing this (yung gravy song about pregnancy AFTER i wheeze#laughed myself into a yung gravy title the athletic player poll confirming my restaurant & bar choices from googling ‘st. paul good bars’…)#also if anybody got advice on formatting for these little announcements. help. this is different from my miro/luka one &i’m still not happy
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navybrat817 · 9 months
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I wish you would write a fic where after a one night stand with a pair of sexy Stucky husbands you’ve ended up pregnant!
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Who's the daddy, nonnie, and why I am not permanently a part of their relationship? Bahaha. Just kidding! But seriously.
Imagine how happy they'd be. Or maybe not if it's angsty. I'd like to think they'd do their part. Or maybe you think they don't care since, after all, it was a one night stand. So many ways it could go.
Love and thanks! ❤️
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tavina-writes · 3 months
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currently trying to think if I remember any situations in Jin Yong wuxia where a family preferred sons over daughters (especially as like, a socially mandated thing) and coming up short.
Like I think there are plenty of situations where powerful men/families/sects only have one child and that child is a daughter. And this is neither weird, highly remarked upon, or considered odd in any way. Nor is anyone feeling pressed to come up with a son in the future.
Ren Yingying from XAJH, Yue Lingshan from XAJH, Huang Rong from LOCH, Guo Fu (from ROCH) for a good portion of her life (16 years of it, also Guo Fu wasn't displaced bc one of the twins was a boy, NOR were her parents trying to have more children on purpose), Yang Guo and XLN's daughter from ROCH/HSDS, Gongsun Lu'e from ROCH, etc.
Also their status range from like 'extremely important and visible family in the jianghu' to 'actually not all that well known' so it's not just a "well our family is powerful so who gives a fuck" kind of situation.
Like these are male dominated books, there are more men than there are women in Jin Yong's books (there are really cool women in his books though), but there's almost none 'oh no how will a girl inherit!' left beef. The girl will learn martial arts, like it's hard?
I think this is also relatively true of Gu Long books too, so at some points I'm left ??? at the discourse re: inheritance and gender in MDZS fandom bc I don't think it's actively stated anywhere that women aren't supposed to inherit? Or aren't allowed? or are less capable? or that there's a strong societal prejudice against it? Just. It's a danmei so most of these positions are occupied by men. Like, there are maybe five whole women and even less among the juniors. Who and how and why will they inherit if they don't exist.
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tozettastone · 9 months
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i wish you'd write a fic inspired by the lyric "part time soulmate, full time problem." actually listening to or referencing the song unnecessary
For the "I wish you would write a fic where" ask meme
Obviously, this has to be a soulmate AU because (as you know) I love them and it's right there
I think this could go several ways. It's tempting to say it would be a RAD remix of the Ino × Hidan soulmate AU I wrote once where she feels everything he does and he chooses to die all the time. But I feel like this is low hanging fruit. Obvious. On brand. A bit boring.
Okay here's something off the wall: Karin's soul mate is Shisui. Unfortunately, she doesn't know that until he's already dead. But now he's determinedly haunting her and giving her extremely bad life advice. He also gives her pro-konoha propaganda, but it's always couched like, "well except for the plan to murder and violate my entire family, Konoha's much nicer than this." Extremely specific. Undoubtedly accurate. Send her help, please.
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n7punk · 3 months
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How do you write so good!! Can you give any advice
So I'm trying to think of writing advice, I really am, but I'm kind of drawing up a blank aside from... write. Like there's all these writing advice posts across Tumblr and half of them are bullshit (either completely or just because they're only relevant to certain people/writing styles) and the other half has all already been said but it all comes back to just... writing. The more you write the better you get at it, and especially the more you SHARE it the better you'll get. I write... a lot, and that's the only way you get better at a skill like that, but I can't pretend my commenters aren't part of it because like, when they're commenting on how I changed the sentence structure to match the moment or something and it's already something I did... it's not a conscious change I made, you know? It just felt right, but they were able to articulate why it felt right and that helps me be more aware of using that as a technique in the future. So write and post fanfic, I guess is the advice XD
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What I really love about the Vees + Angel dynamic is that if Angel does get redeemed or even just finds a way out of his contract, they are FUCKED and they don't even know it. They don't get it.
Angel is, most likely, their top earner. He's famous as shit, won accolades for his work, and judging by the way his face is the only non-Vee mug pasted on their building's lobby, he's the real breadwinner here. Trends come and go but Angel Dust is fucking here to stay. Yet none of them really seem to take that into account. Sure, Velvette + Vox work to keep him under Val's abusive control, what with the perfume + cameras in his room, but the question of "if sinners CAN be redeemed, and Angel is the poster boy for that hotel, what does that mean for us?" never gets addressed. They are all so short-sighted in their dickishness, so fucking petty, that the only thing they give a shit about is (a) Alastor being back + (b) Angel pissing off Val for daring to leave the studio + daring to have someone who gives a shit about him vouch for him at the studio. Your empire is a house of cards, Angel is the bottom corner of the pyramid, and every little temper tantrum thrown is a gust of wind. I am literally waiting with the popcorn to see it tumble
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compacflt · 6 months
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Fully support your desire to cut down on the extras as they're already so long, but as someone who was also looking forward to the sickfic section and is sad to hear it's been taken out, I will simply have to ask you about it instead! First off the discussion of home in the snippet you shared was delicious - when do you think Mav started thinking of the house as 'their' home? And Ice taking Mav to the hospital has a lot of crunch there around how they're seen and how they act in public, especially if Ice was worried and Mav was kind of out of it. Do you think Ice would have taken Mav in to the hospital if he'd really been spiking a fever and decided he needed it? How would he explain themselves? And I suppose a separate, related question: who are their official next of kin/emergency contacts?
the reason i got rid of the sickfic is cause all those questions were answered better elsewhere in the extras ❤️
i was kind of annoyed that the house inconsistently appears to be the property of whomever the plot calls for at the moment -> another reason to cut the sickfic
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Yes Ice would take mav to the hospital. it happens elsewhere LOL, maverick is extremely incident-prone
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obviously a fun surfing injury with friends != the sickfic’s ice taking “a friend” to the hospital in the middle of the night for dangerous levels of illness-related dehydration… implies familiarity, intimacy above everyone else… the hospital staff would probably assume they’re together, yes, & i don’t think ice would challenge that at all, especially if he had to make sure all the paperwork was filled out right. just not worth the effort. “is there anyone else we should call for mr mitchell?” / “Um no. Just me.” Yeah i took him to the hospital at 4am bc i love him and im worried about him what r u gonna do about it 🤨 violate his hipaa rights? It’s 2009 gay people exist grow up🙄 hospital staff isn’t gonna tell anyone, so who cares
(Luckily for ice in the sickfic he didn’t have to take mav to the hospital)
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the point of the sickfic was to establish a precedent for one of them voluntarily taking care of the other who is unable to take care of himself, to set up the parallel of maverick taking care of Ice when he Really gets capital-s Sick. but then i still can’t bring myself to write ice actually being capital-s Sick because i have some weird neurosis where i simply dislike thinking about ice (powerful guy) being helpless or incapacitated or, um, dead. so the mav-sickfic isn’t really relevant anymore because i haven’t written (and never plan on writing, besides that one half-assed one-shot) the corollary ice-sickfic. so the sickfic became the Nixed-fic ❌
And according to this wip wednesday snippet, they are each other’s emergency contacts. don’t ask me how that works or how they figured that out, idk. some stuff you do have to talk about for logistics purposes i guess. which is kind of the point of all the house-related/money-related discussions I’ve written throughout my fics—they Have to talk about the logistics because that’s real life. But they don’t INTERPRET those logistics or assign them a normative value.
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for instance debriefing presents (maverick’s) death & taxes as the only two things that ever get them to actually talk to each other lol. logistics become a vessel through which they can talk about their situation without actually talking about it. The state of being each others emergency contacts might be a death-and-taxes discussion—acknowledging permanence without acknowledging permanence
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bekkahco · 1 year
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What if I tell you I'm working on a YeeHan fic where I'm just using Cassidy to vent about my homesickness abd the fact I want to go home and am but also REALLY don't
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allylikethecat · 11 months
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In addition to being on ALL THE ANGST from listening to Noah Kahan, I've been rewatching Madame Secretary and can't get the idea of Secretary of State Jake and trophy husband / professor / CIA asset Bradley out of my mind. BUT I told myself no more multi chapter WIPS until I finish at least ONE of the many I am working on.
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a-reader-and-a-writer · 6 months
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For the anon who just sent the "I wish you would write a fic where..." that starts with "dealer's choice", thank you so much!!! I absolutely LOVE this idea and already have so many ideas! I'm going to hold off answering it for now because I want to actually write a fic, but it may have to wait until after whumptober.
However please don't think I am ignoring the ask because believe me, I will be thinking about it constantly! 🥰
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navybrat817 · 9 months
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I wish you would write a fic where the reader leaves Bucky for Steve.
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NONNIE. What the fuck happened that the reader is leaving BUCKY for STEVE? Because our man isn't cheating.
Love and thanks! ❤️
I wish you would write a fic where...
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sometimes writing abt an actor/character you know really well is difficult because it can be so difficult to write their facial expressions. sometimes i wish i had a collection of every single expression i’m referencing and that i could attach it to each sentence like footnotes
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tozettastone · 9 months
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I wish you would write a fic where the Akatsuki are a host club and [character of your choice] is a passing Haruhi…..
for the "I wish you would write..." ask meme
We have
Pein as a metal-studded prince with an indifferent temper (and a very sad backstory).
Konan is the stiff, correct club secretary who knows everything about everyone.
Kisame is our tall, grim-looking swords guy who is honestly more chill than 70% of the cast.
I know it seems natural that Kisame's smaller "much less intimidating," companion with the sweet tooth should be Itachi, but you should hear me out and let it be Sasori instead. I think the contrast between Kisame and Sasori is actually thematically pretty good. Big guy with massive natural chakra deeply invested in physical arts next to a tiny guy who has interfered with every single "natural" process he can conceptualise to turn his own body into the ship of theseus, you know. Good shit. Moving on.
The twins are not twins and, in fact, aren't even brothers, although a lot of the Host Club's clientele certainly think they are. Itachi and Deidara are both very rich orphans who appear (?) to hate each other (??) and who have also moved in together. (They live with Sasuke! But Madara is Itachi's only remaining adult relative. Oof.) Reasons unclear. Only the maids understand this relationship, and they're not telling. God forbid you pick on Itachi or Deidara where the other one can tell, though: Itachi will rip you a new one about picking on people who are already that pathetic, and Deidara once set a man on fire for provoking Itachi to an asthma attack. If anyone's going to kill Itachi, it's going to be Deidara.
Tobi is the hooded weirdo who shows up in the middle of a scene through a door he just made up and curses people. If you take his mask off and expose his face to the sun he cries. Zetsu follows him holding onto curse accoutrements and mumbling to himself.
Kakuzu is their club manager. Clients typically won't see him unless the plot demands he rise from the ground on a giant steel platform, lifted by a mass of writing tentacles and throbbing chakra monsters. Unlike Host Club's Renge, he does not show up to squeal about his faves and offer a genre-savvy comedy segment. Instead, he appears when he senses someone is making a fiscally unwise choice with club funds. We don't know where he sleeps, or, worse, what he eats.
Hidan is the scion of a late crime lord (lotta orphans in this cast, I see) who died under such grim and mysterious circumstances that a dark cloud hangs over his reputation. He shows up because he's heard Kakuzu is also an eldritch abomination and wants to learn about him. Kakuzu is in the business of managing hosts, though, so if Hidan wants his time he's going to have to work for it. Smile, Hidan.
I'm not sure who the funniest character to bring into this setting would be. Sakura seems like an obvious choice, and who doesn't like insane Sakura centric AUs? But Kakashi could also be fun, I think. He would just not want to be there at all, ever... but if he escapes one of the hosts he's definitely not escaping the rest. (Especially if Kakuzu thinks he owes them money.)
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