#I want to see danny go through all his changes and emotional trauma | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cyanichexanthine · 5 months

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Tagged by @scarstarved to list 9 favourite characters (thank you for the tag 🥲💕💞🫠)

It’s under a read more bc it’s kinda a big post lmao, also not particularly ordered because my brain combusted just trying to think of 9 (ended up with 8 but why not it’s my favourite number) and a bit on why they’re there bc it was a fun revisit tbh.

Oh this is going to be a great getting to know me exercise 🥲

1. Rick Prime (Rick and Morty)

The current favourite little goblin. Could never explain why he was a fave but after unmortricken and the subtext threaded throughout s7 I think it's finally coming together especially when I think of other faves in this post (I have a bad habit with faves with seeing them for 0.5 seconds and deciding they're a fave and only later realising why as more about their character is revealed)

To avoid sharing more of my thoughts about his character (and clowning harder than I've already let slip and bc it's mostly interpretation and hc) Let's just say I think there's so much about Prime that is not fully understood yet and I can't wait to see how they address it (also pour one out for another victim of the curse of many of my faves dying in horrible brutal ways with unresolved emotional conflict)

2. Tartaglia/Childe/Ajax (Genshin impact)

Can’t explain this one too much either yet tbh. Another on sight fave. Precious little goblin who cares immensely for his family and seems to want to have friends/an adventurous life but is distanced by how he's wrapped up in conflict and chaos ever since he fell into the abyss as a child.

"You shall ever be the eye of the storm,"

"And the clashing of steel shall ever accompany you."

He has a constant desire for battle and proving himself (likely because it’s how he learned to survive/possibly because it keeps him occupied and it is a horrible cycle). He’s likely also addicted to the thrill of winning/surviving/overcoming due to this as well.

I constantly worry he's going to die. Pleasantly surprised that he hasn't so far. I want to see him develop. I want to see him peel away from the Fatui (bc he’s clearly unhappy and he dislikes a majority of the other harbingers but they’re a means of both keeping his family supported and seeking challenging battle). I want to see him do well and realise he's more than just “a weapon” to serve the tsaritsa’s purpose but the whole abyss thing is a LOT of unresolved trauma that he has never properly been addressed. And boy oh boy does he have a lot of death flags.

3. Amanda Young (Saw)

Ohhh Mandy. She's so, disaster. She has this depth of compassion and raging conflict inside her. Following John just because he gave her a hint of purpose while still regretting what she's become to some extent (secretly continuing harm/trying to kill Adam/wanting to help the fellow addict and being visibly distressed when they died etc) and making unwinnable traps as she thinks they didn’t deserve a second chance.

Likely because she harbors the fact she both doesn't feel worthy of a second chance herself and knows what this "second chance" has made her become, she doesn’t feel that purpose, doesn’t feel like she is grateful for living as John claims. The whole scene where she’s pointing the gun at Lynn and the “nobody fucking changes, it’s all bullshit, it’s all a fucking lie and I’m just a pawn in your stupid game. I don’t mean anything to you.” “So help me. Fix me. Fix me motherfucker, I’m standing right here.” Haunts me a little. Ahhh mandy 😭 I cry every time at that fucking scene.

It hurts to see her devotion to John (and he refuses to give up on her to the point of his death, he believed in her most of all, because she was the example of his ideology) while also seeing her so fundamentally disagree with his principles through her own struggles. She's just pain, pain, agony. Pain. (Another victim of the unresolved emotional conflict deaths 👏)

4. Danny “Jed Olsen” Johnson (Dead by Daylight Ghostface)

Idk why but the dbd ghostface is just so so good. Like I love the Scream movies sure but Danny is a special case. (Also I was a ghostface/stealth killer main back in my dbd days lmao) Danny's story and persona is great, from the Roseville murders, to how he writes/visualises the crimes before they happen, the way he wears certain perfumes during special kills. He’s just so interesting as a ghostface. He seems obsessed with the horror; the unexpected, the atmosphere, the anticipation, the thrill, the reverence of his stories and legacy. He seems to almost feed off of the human response, the fear and resulting chaos when people read his stories in the paper after each kill.

The local police were confounded: the murders were carried with fury akin to a crime of passion yet coldly premeditated.

The scarier the story, the more he appreciated his life. The truth of the stories made them far more potent.

He’s so in love with making a carefully constructed, terrifying story come to life. Yet he’s still impulsive and hot headed when something in his design falls apart. Ah reminds me on the days I’d write paragraphs on analysing his character based on the small background we had before the archive tome 🥰

And I will always adore how well his gameplay in dbd lines up with him as a character.

5. Gintoki Sakata (Gintama)

Listen I have such a soft spot for Gintama and by extension Gintoki himself. He acts lazy, aloof/sarcastic, unattached and a bit "not my problem, don't care, glhf with that"/selfish but he always has a good heart in the end. Often putting himself in danger to help others and going the extra mile for them when they're at the end of their rope. Notably from memory for broken families and people desperate for reconciliation/a second chance.

This anime had so many emotional beats for how silly it looks on the surface. I remember crying from emotional impact into crying from laughter in the same episode when I first watched the series. Also a lot of heartfelt moments of advice and commentary on the human condition. He’s so adorable. Parfait king.

6. Kokichi Oma (DRV3)

Here we go. Not my proudest one (was honestly a little scared to mention him because of the fandom/character perception etc but DR series was a huge part of my teen years along with RPG horrors so rip) but man does this kid mess me up. It hurts so much how he was just trying to investigate and end the killing game in his own way (trust issues so he refused to openly team up). And the way he spirals so hard in the trial after getting Gonta (who, I think he did consider a friend) killed as self defence against Miu is just 💔

The way he considered them all friends and in an attempt to end the killing game, he died slowly and painfully, while knowing they all hated him.💔 Yes his means/the way he went about it were fucked, yes I understand why people hate him. But jesus christ does understanding his motives and his emotions during the game fucking hurt. (another unresolved emotional conflict death let’s gooo)

7. Tiffany Valentine (Child's play series/chucky tv show)

Oh I love her so much. She gets two gifs bc I can’t choose. She was like the highlight of s2 especially. I love her energy, her swings, her endless obsession with/pursuit of knowing true, all consuming love; the way she will not be devoid of all humanity and loves her kids and will realise some things Chucky does are awful while still conversely doing absolutely abhorrent things herself (the Nica incident perhaps?). Will never argue with seeing more of her. I'm so glad the show delivers. (I still need to catch up on s3 though). I would honestly love a little more of her formative story, how she became Valentine.

8. Michael Myers (Halloween)

Another showing my love of horror here but this big guy is a classic. Actually what got me into horror so intensely tbh. I love his little arts and crafts. The way he'll string up a whole scene just to get the most screams and fear. The way he panics when his mask is removed. I do always wonder about him. I mean we're told he's evil in human form but I can't help but feel Loomis gave up on him. Everyone did. I don't doubt it's as basic as him being the shape of evil and that's fine but I like how ambiguous it has always been. There is no clear cut answer on why Michael is what or who he is and I love it.

Wow love the recurring themes here. I’m sure I probably forgot a few older faves too but oh well. Time to not analyse those and go sleep.

Tagging @potetosaradas @dayglomasochism @lara60 @drawmanations @zanukavat if any of you want to share your faves. 🥰

#tag game #long post #hexed rambles #there are a lot of characters I like but not many faves it seems #faves I have to have been mentally or emotionally unwell over them at least once #the funniest thing to me is some of these aren't even in my top 10 media #adding nick valentine as my 9th bc replaying fallout 4 😢 ily detecto peepaw

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sammysvanfeet · 2 years

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Boston Calling || Chapter Seven

Jake x Reader - Enemies to Lovers

Word count: 3.4k

*WARNINGS*: angst!!!!!, poor mental health,

Chapter 8

I didn’t power my phone on for days after I had the revelation regarding my feelings about Jake. I didn’t hang out with Josh, I didn’t talk to my mother, I didn’t confide in my therapist, and maybe worst of all… I didn’t go to any of my classes. Instead, I lay face down on the soft fabric of my couch in pajamas that I hadn’t changed out of. I hadn’t showered or brushed my teeth, I had been sustaining myself on shitty takeout but made no effort to clean the mess that was accumulating around me. The crippling weight of my feelings for Jake was all consuming. I had had flippant relationships in the past but never anything serious. I always thought I was the kind of girl who was independent, separate from anyone else. Whether that was due to my forced isolation as a child or a trauma response was anyone’s guess. The idea of caring about another human was foreign to me. It terrified me. Jake was not a safe bet and I knew I would shatter if anyone else left me now. The fact that I had been keeping this secret from my only friend didn’t go wasted on me. If Josh found out I was lying to him, I could very well lose him too. I hadn’t cried today but dwelling on these things caused a fresh flow of tears to escape from me, pooling onto the green velvet below me.

Startling me from my spiral of self-pity, a knock at my door garnered my attention. Obviously in no condition to have company, I laid still and ignored it. Whoever was knocking was persistent, they kept going and going, eventually resorting to yelling at me through the door.

“Y/N! I know you’re in there! Open the door now or I’m calling the police to do a welfare check on you.” The voice said, taking me a minute to figure out who it was.

“Wait… Danny?” I croaked, bewildered.

“So you are alive. Are you gonna open the door or what?” He questioned.

“Danny, now is not a good time.” I still didn’t move from my spot. “And besides, I don’t think I could move even if I tried.”

“Listen, I can promise that I do not care what you look like. It’s just me… and I am here as your friend, so please let me in so I know that you’re safe.” He implored.

He sounded so dejected, I battled internally whether or not to give in. He said he considered me a friend, and that alone swayed my decision. Ultimately, I rolled onto my side and off the couch and trudged to the front door, swinging it open expectedly. I was shocked to see not only Danny, but Josh and Sammy too.

“What the fuck, Danny? You lied?” I felt betrayed.

His expression softened, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. They didn’t give me much of a choice.”

“Do you know how worried we’ve been about you, Y/N?” Josh rambled, entering the apartment without an invitation.

Sam looked at me and grimaced, “I’m sorry to say it, but you’ve looked better.”

“Gee, thanks.” I responded, void of emotion.

All three boys made their way to my living room, eyeing the surroundings. Dried tears and drool soiled the couch, empty takeout containers were all over the coffee table and several bottles of wine and empty cigarette packets were scattered on the floor. I could tell they thought I was at rock bottom.

“It smells like someone died in here.” Sammy blurted out, causing Josh to elbow his ribs. “Oww…”

“Y/N, I don’t know what is going on, but you’re scaring us. We are here for you. Please, just let us in… let me in.” Josh’s voice broke with his plea. “You’ve been MIA, Jake said you haven’t been to class, what is going on?”

I perched on the arm of the couch, not wanting to get close to them in my filthy state. “What else did Jake say?” I asked matter of factly.

The looks the boys exchanged were not lost on me.

“Honestly, not much. He’s been even more of a dick than usual, staying out all night and showing up to class hungover. I don’t know if it’s the stress of the internship or if something else has happened, but he’s not himself right now either.” Josh sounded genuinely pained for his twin brother.

I scoffed lowly, if anyone had the right to not act ‘themselves’ right now, it was me. At least, that’s what I was attempting to convince myself.

“Y/N… you need to give me some context as to what is going on. Forget about Jake right now. I need to know what is happening with you. I’ve called, texted, waited up at the library for you and all you’ve given me is radio silence. Sam and Danny tried to reach out to you, too.”

I glanced at the younger two boys and they nodded sadly. I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes.

“And you’re not attending your classes! That’s not like you and you know it. You are one of the most diligent students I know, you’re not a flake, you show up and you work hard.” Danny added.

“We love you.” Sam said, his voice cracking slightly. He looked crestfallen. “We want to help you, we want you to be okay.”

That’s all it took for the dam to break completely, I choked out a sob and collapsed in on myself, surprised my eyes had any tears left to cry. All three boys jumped up and into action, unsure of what to do to soothe me. Sam froze, Danny just stared with wide eyes and Josh patted my back saying “there, there” as if he were legitimately at a loss for words. Josh always has something to say.

“It’s just…” I started, between sniffles, “I’ve never had anyone care about me like this, I’ve never had anyone choose to stay when things got hard.”

“We’re your fucking family now, Y/N. We’ve basically adopted you as the newest Kiszka sibling.” Josh said, with a smile.

I’m not sure I wanted to be a Kiszka sibling, given my dynamic with Jake. My face probably gave away the aversion to that sentiment because Danny chimed in, “Or a Wagner!”

I started to giggle, it started out small but then the laughter was bubbling out of me and the boys joined in. Josh smoothed my hair down, Sammy rubbed comforting circles on my knee and Danny kept me laughing with his outlandish jokes. Eventually we calmed down, I felt a lot lighter but I mentally steeled myself for the amount of damage control I was going to have to do now. The three of them stayed for a little longer, they even helped discard the trash that was scattered around, shushing me when I tried to apologize.

As Danny and Sam were making their departure, Josh lingered in my apartment a little while longer.

“Listen, Y/N.” Josh sounded serious. “Whatever has happened between you and Jake… you both need to sort it out. We are all going to be in each other’s lives no matter what, but it’s not healthy for either of you to keep going on like this.”

I didn’t want to cry again, but the soft look on Josh’s face was almost enough to bring me to tears. It was almost enough to distract me from the fact that he seemed to know I had been keeping a secret from him.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.”

He smiled, only slightly before he uttered, “My own twin didn’t either. I expected more from him, though.”

I pulled him into a crushing hug, speaking directly into his ear. “I love you too, Josh. You’re my best friend and I will never keep anything from you again. I’ll talk to Jake, we can make things civil between us. Just please tell me I’m not gonna lose you.” I choked up at the end.

“Never, mama.” He responded, before placing a chaste kiss to my cheek and heading out the door.

✦✦✦

After the boys left, I was alone in my thoughts… and stench. Feeling slightly more motivated than I had all week, I spent the rest of the day deep cleaning the apartment and pampering myself in a luxurious bubble bath. After soaking to the point where the water got cold, I finally pulled myself out of the tub, dreading what I had to do next. I dressed robotically before climbing into my freshly changed sheets and powering up my phone.

27 missed calls, 12 voicemails, 43 unread messages, hundreds of emails.

To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. Not sure what to tackle first, I went to clear out my call log, expecting almost all of them to be from my mother. To my surprise only 4 of them were from my mother, 6 were from Josh, 1 was from David, 3 from Sammy, 2 from Danny and 11 from… Jake. I felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. Jake had tried to call me the most.

Before dealing with the unread texts, I promptly went to my voicemail to listen to the messages. The first was from my mother, her shrill voice screaming down the phone about how disappointed she is… I couldn’t even finish the message before deleting it. The next one started off quiet, a barely-there shaky breath evident in the background. It went on for a few seconds before it ended. I looked at the name of the sender: Jake. Every other voicemail was from Jake. My hands quaked as I went to play the next voicemail. This time it sounded like Jake was at another frat party, or a bar.

“Y/N!” He slurred. The time stamp was past 1am, I gathered he was intoxicated. “I’m with Sarah right now. Are you jealoussss? Is that why you threw a temper tantrum at the studio?” The voicemail ended after that.

The next one came the morning after, it was Sunday.

“Nothing happened between us.” He rushed out. “Between me and anyone, not since you. Please call me back.” His voice broke at the end. Then the message was over.

“I don’t know what you want from me!” The next one began, his voice octaves too loud. “You were the one who acted like it didn’t happen right after you left that bathroom. You were there with me, in that moment. You felt it too!” He let out a ragged sigh, I pictured him running his hands through his long locks in exasperation. “Please tell me you felt it, too.”

The following calls must have come after I was a no-show in Sound Engineering.

“So now you’re skipping class to avoid me, too? God, even I’m surprised you would think someone like me was worth jeopardizing your education. What is it? You can’t stand me? You act so high and mighty but now you’re acting like a… like… like a little bitch! Suck it up! Come talk to me face to face, stop using this as an excuse to wallow in pity.” That one was probably the harshest of them all.

The following calls were all drunken jumbled words. “I miss you… I can’t stand you… please tell me you’re okay… I’m going to come check on you… I never want to see you again.”

It was the final one that drove the dagger into your heart, though.

“If not for me, please talk to Josh. He cares about you more than even I’d like to admit. He’s worried sick, he doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries and insert himself into your life if you don’t want him there but he’s hurt. He wants to help you. Please, if anyone in this world deserves the relief of hearing you’re alive… let it be Josh.”

When I was finally done having an emotional breakdown over Jake’s messages, I ended up checking my email to desperately explain to my professors that I had been sick, hoping to God they would let me makeup what I missed. Luckily, my academic performance thus far had been stellar which earned me some brownie points with my professors. I did, however, agree not to miss any more classes for the rest of the semester. The pressure was going to be on.

Finally, I opened my messages, briefly reading the desperate texts from all of those here in Boston who loved me, whom I did not deserve. I also read the scathing texts from my mother, putting that off for now. I texted ‘thank you’s’ and ‘I’m sorry’s’ to Josh, Sam and Danny. Then, I opened Jake’s thread, already anticipating what was going to be in there based off of his voicemails. My heart absolutely broke reading the drunken, desperate, alternating messages of both animosity and adoration. I felt deeply for Jake, that much was for sure, but my hot and cold behavior had hurt him even more than I had realized. Under the guise of protecting my heart, I had used Jake and bruised him. I had written him off as a player. I hadn’t even considered the possibility that under his cold exterior, he was a human who would actually care for me.

The realization hit me all at once, like a freight train. I felt crushed and winded, desperate to be able to breathe. I had felt the same way when my father passed, as I desperately clutched his ring-clad hand, squeezing as tight as I could, as if I could make him stay. As the life slowly left his body, I felt a piece of me leave too. All I had now was his collection of silver. All I had of my sister was a dress. All I had of Jake were the fading finger-tip sized bruises on my thighs.

I was frenetic, pacing back and forth the length of my room now, replaying every little interaction in my mind. Had I got Jake all wrong? Had I fucked up this up before it could begin? I felt frantic, trying to conjure a plan grand enough to convey my remorse. Should I call him and hope he answers? Should I send him a gift basket? Should I show up at his apartment with wine?

I cracked my knuckles in exasperation, a nervous habit of mine, feeling the empty lengths of my fingers. I charged over to my jewelry box, digging through with haste. Finally I felt it, fishing the silver metal out. I turned it over in my hands, admiring the intricacy of the filigree. This was my favorite one of my father’s. He always noticed how I admired it and promised it would be mine someday. If only I had known that day would come sooner than expected.

“I miss you.” I whispered to the empty room, twisting the trinket around mindfully before slipping it on my thumb for courage. “You would know what to do.”

My dad reminded me of Josh in many ways. My sister would have loved his sense of style; but my dad would have loved his grandiose personality, his humor, his generosity. That’s when I realized, it couldn’t be anymore obvious, the one person who knew Jake better than anyone else was his own twin. I snatched my phone back up, seeing Josh had responded with a ‘<3’. I tapped his name and waited for the phone to ring.

“Is everything okay?” Josh sounded out of breath.

“Hi, yes, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you busy?” I apologized.

“No, not at all. I was just beating Sam’s ass at Xbox.” He quipped.

I could hear Sam yelling in defense in the background, Josh must have traveled to a different room because the noises were muffled now.

“What do you need, sweetheart?” Josh questioned, tenderly.

“If you could give Jake anything in the world, what would it be?” I asked, in trepidation.

Josh didn’t answer right away.

“Uhhh…” He sounded stumped. “Chelsea boots, necklaces, a new pair of jeans.” He chuckled at the last part.

“No, Josh. It has to be something sentimental. It has to convey how apologetic I am. This has to be an olive branch between us.” I implored, hoping he would realize how serious I was.

“Wow.” He breathed. “I don’t know the last time anyone has wanted to do something that thoughtful for Jake.”

Hearing that wounded me, but made me want to offer him something worthy.

“If you want it to be meaningful, it has to be relevant to you. Think of a moment you shared where you were amicable, maybe even happy in one another’s presence.” Josh disclosed.

I thought back to the first time I felt joy in Jake’s presence. Back when we were on the highway driving to Albany, roof off, music blasting and just together in that moment. He sang ‘Sunshine Of Your Love’ by Cream. I had never heard of it at the time, but secretly since that moment every night before bed I fell asleep to that very song.

I grabbed my phone and searched up the album name: ‘Disraeli Gears.” Next, I pulled up a map and searched for the nearest record stores to campus, mentally noting a few names and locations. I headed out to the bus stop, realizing I wasn’t usually around this time of day, I was supposed to be in class right now. I rode the bus into town and wandered through several record stores before I found what I was in search of. The exact Cream record I wanted to find. I felt stupid for a moment, of course Jake probably owned this, but this was the best gesture I could think to offer him by way of apology. I marched to the checkout, paying a lot more than I had thought from my own savings. It was important that my mother had not tarnished this gift. I then headed to a gift store, purchasing an apology card and a beautiful gift bag, simple and elegant, a solid matte dark blue color, hoping all of this effort would lead Jake to forgive me. All in all it looked heartfelt, not extravagant or over-the-top, it looked thoughtful.

I bussed up to Josh and Jake’s apartment. I wasn’t sure if it would be awkward if Josh was there, but I had to see Jake as soon as I could. I hoped Jake didn’t have class this afternoon. The ride was endless, many students making stops at their residences after their taxing days of classes. Finally I pulled onto the street of row houses and exited the vehicle, rushing up the front steps and up several tortuous staircases. I approached 4B in a rush, hitting my fist on the door urgently. I stood there for what felt like a lifetime, almost convinced that the apartment was empty, until I heard the telltale sound of laughter. I knocked again, even more urgently.

The door swung open swifty and I was met with a familiar face.

“Wait, are you the girl from the studio?” She chuckled as if it were the most hilarious thing ever, before looking me up and down, eyes locking in to the gift in my hand. “What’s the occasion?”

“Sarah? What are you doing here?” I meekly responded, avoiding her question.

“The boys invited me! They’re a blast to hang with!” She proclaimed proudly, as if they were her very best friends in the world.

“I… I don’t understand.” All this time I was suffering and they were replacing me?

She looked at me quizzically, before Josh sidled up and snaked his hand onto her shoulder. He moved to look at me, almost as if he were in slow motion, evidently intoxicated with something more than alcohol.

“Y/N! Have you met Sarah? Isn’t she awesome.” He boasted, not reading the atmosphere between us at that moment.

At a loss of what to say, and utterly spent from the rollercoaster of emotions I had felt in the past week, I weakly thrust the gift bag into Josh’s hands.

“It’s for Jake.” I said in a hushed tone, before scurrying down the stairs and out into the freezing cold city.

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stardustbarbarians · 2 years

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Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines

A Samuel Kiszka/Daniel Wagner fic

Summary: Sam always thought he'd see Danny one more time.

Tags: Angst, nothing but pure uncut angst, major character death like right off the bat, I cannot stress how much angst is in this fic, no happy ending, this is a masochist's wet dream

Trigger Warnings: death, dealing with grief, emotional meltdowns, a lot of crying

A/N: I know this is not anything that I've been promising to publish, but I'm going through the emotional ringer right now and this was my coping mechanism. Also I can only write so much fluff before I want to write angst again, so I channeled it here instead of in that fluffy Jake fic I'm working on. I highly recommend you listen to Fire and Rain by James Taylor either before or while you're reading this. Just another warning, major character death right out of the gate.

Words: 4.1 k

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“Drummers do tend to get all the babes.”

“Not really, no. They die first.”

Sunday.

Bloody fucking Sunday.

That was the day it happened, the day that Sam’s life changed on a dime. He would never forget the look on the representative’s face when she broke the news to him that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. Her name was Daysha Williams and she worked for Tennessee Flight Training.

Sam had been there when it happened, sitting in the ambulance on the way to the hospital as the EMTs worked their absolute hardest to keep him alive long enough to reach the hospital.

It wasn’t enough.

The sound of the heart monitor flat-lining and ribs cracking were the soundtrack to Sam’s nightmares. The visual of the medics desperately attempting to restart his heart by performing chest compressions forever glued to the back of his eyelids.

It was on a Sunday that Daniel Wagner died.

Sam was sitting mere feet away as his best friend and the love of his life succumbed to his injuries. Daniel died right before his eyes.

It wasn’t real to him at first. There was no way that the medics were actually performing CPR as a last ditch effort to restart his boyfriend’s heart. Just like there was no way that it didn’t miraculously work like in the movies. Or how defibrillation also failed to get Daniel’s heart beating.

“Son, I’m so sorry,” one of the medics croaked to Sam, an older man in his late forties.

He didn’t respond. He didn’t know how. His mind was too busy blanking out on him as a trauma response. He wasn’t sure when he arrived at the hospital, but the next thing he knew the medics were wheeling Daniel’s body into the back entrance and the driver was explaining to him that Sam should notify his loved ones. She also told him that the nearest funeral home was going to be contacted to collect Daniel’s body.

Sam didn’t remember calling Josh, but suddenly he was being driven back to his house by his older brother, telling Jake to meet them there over the phone.

“Will you tell us what happened now, Sammy?” Jake asked gently, noting that his little brother was in a state of shock.

“Daniel’s dead.”

It rang out like a gunshot; startling and traumatic. The gasps the twins sounded at the news were about as loud as a gunshot in Sam’s ears.

“How?”

Sam explained that the plane Daniel was learning to fly had crashed but that he didn’t know why. He regurgitated the facts the EMTs gave him of his boyfriend’s injuries: a broken leg, punctured lung from a broken rib, and hemorrhaging of the brain from a fractured skull. They claimed it was amazing he was able to last as long as he had, despite dying in the ambulance.

Josh was the first one to cry, his hand clamped to his mouth as tears cascaded from his eyes. Jake began pacing, creating a rut along the length of the living room as he also had his fist pressed against his lips.

Sam just remained in his spot on the couch, watching numbly as his older brothers fell apart at the seams.

Jake was the one to suggest that Sam be the one to tell the parents.

“It will be better coming from you,” he claimed, his hand on Sam’s shoulder as he held Sam’s phone in front of him. Jake’s eyes were red and watery when Sam looked into them. The youngest agreed without protest.

He called Mrs. Wagner first, knowing that Daniel would always tell her about everything before anyone else knew. The scream she let out was horrible, making the ear he held the phone up to ring. Sam tried his best to answer her questions and comfort her, but it was really hard to do when all he felt was numb. Mr. Wagner thanked him for telling them after taking the phone and offered Sam his condolences with a shaky voice.

Telling Josie wasn’t any better. She kept asking if Sam was ok. How was he meant to respond to that? The love of his life was just snatched right out from under him within the blink of an eye.

Josh had already called their mother and father, making it one less thing for Sam to deal with. Their mom said that she would deal with the funeral home about transporting Daniel's body to Michigan as it was something she’d had experience in.

The twins stayed with Sam at his house until they had to be at the airport, packing his suitcase for him and making sure he ate and showered and slept.

They were both walking on eggshells around Sam the entire time, something that would’ve annoyed him if he were able to feel anything. It would later come to him that they were worried he might’ve had a mental breakdown over flying, the very thing that killed his lover.

It wasn’t until he was back in his childhood home washing the dishes that the reality of his situation hit him.

He tried handing off his plate to Daniel for him to dry, his usual job while doing the dishes. Sam looked over expecting to see his boyfriend standing next to him with a dish towel in his hands and his curly raven hair up in a bun, but he wasn’t there. In fact, he’d never be there ever again.

Sam hadn’t realized the plate slipped from his grasp and shattered onto the floor until he heard his father rush into the kitchen and ask what happened. Sam could barely tell it was his father as all he saw was a blur of colors similar to that of a watercolor painting.

“He’s dead,” Sam whispered, barely audible over the rush of the running tap behind him.

Immediately, his dad’s face shifted to a look of deep sympathy. He reached around his youngest and turned off the tap before pulling him into a hug. Sam collapsed into the paternal embrace, folding his neck so his forehead rested on his dad’s shoulder. He was barely aware that he was gripping his father’s shirt so hard that it was in fear of tearing.

It was strange experiencing such intense pain and suffering after days of feeling like the embodiment of radio static. Like a switch was flipped, Sam suddenly felt as though he was drowning in his turmoil. It was awful. He was being dragged beneath the current of his arduous loss in a never ending maelstrom of grief.

All he felt was the absence. The only thing his mind could process was the gaping void Daniel’s death created. So much of Sam’s life was interwoven with the presence of his boyfriend that it was nearly impossible to differentiate the two types of stitches. Now, however, it was easy to tell them apart because there was nothing left but a shredded and frayed cloth because Daniel was ripped away from him.

His throat hurt, closing up on itself as he wept. His eyes hurt from the salty tears stinging them. His heart caused him pain with each arduous beat. His head hurt from the overwhelming and earth shattering realization that had just struck him.

All of him was in pain, down to the last neuron firing inside his mind.

“I know, Sammy, I know,” Mr. Kiszka muttered into his son’s ear, his hand stroking Sam’s long hair.

Sam shook his head against his father’s words. “Mom’s still alive.”

It didn’t get any better as the days went by. Each one brought forth more plans for the funeral which Sam could barely stomach, but he couldn’t let the Wagner’s handle that burden all by themselves.

The nights were worse. They were lonely, cold. Sam never realized how much he took Daniel’s body heat for granted until he was huddled up under the covers, shivering despite his sweatpants and hoodie.

Nights were where he finally allowed himself to grieve properly, to just open the floodgates and sob silently until the rays of dawn peaked up over the horizon. Sleep eluded him often. Or maybe he was trying to avoid it. Either way, most nights would result in him screaming Daniel’s name until one of his family members would rouse him from his nightmare.

Josh eventually ended up just sleeping on the floor of Sam’s room every night, somehow feeling like it was his responsibility. Probably something to do with being the oldest, or whatever.

It was Ronnie that contacted Tennessee Flight Training, but it was his whole family that sat around the dining room table with a laptop placed in the exact center facing the only empty chair. Immediately Sam’s guard was up; this wasn’t normal.

“Sammy, please sit down,” his mother ordered, clutching her husband’s hand at the sight of their youngest.

Apprehensively, he did as he was told. Who knew that despite having a career where hundreds of thousands of eyes watching his every move was an integral part, having just eight sets of them trained onto him would be the most unsettling thing he could ever experience.

Ronnie cleared her throat before talking. It didn’t keep the small quiver out of her voice. “When I got the news about Danny, I contacted Tennessee Flight Training.”

Sam stayed silent as he watched his older sister unlock the laptop that he identified as her own. It opened to reveal an email with an audio file attached to it.

“Ronnie, what is that?” Why did he even bother to ask? He already knew the answer. Maybe he just didn’t want to be right.

“It took them a while to get back to me, but they gave me a copy of the cockpit recording from Danny’s flight,” she informed him, unable to look her little brother in the eyes.

“You don’t have to listen to it, but we figured you should be here with us when we do it,” Jake quickly offered, touching Sam’s shoulder lightly like he was afraid he would shatter.

Listen to Daniel’s final words. Could he do it? There was a huge part of him that longed to hear Daniel’s voice once more, to have his ears filled with his soft and lovely tone. But Sam didn’t know if he could handle listening to his lover panic as the plane went down, unable to be there to help and comfort him.

“Play it,” Sam finally ordered, his tone flat and devoid of emotion. Ronnie did as she was told.

The second that Daniel’s voice drifted out from the speakers Sam tensed up. The first minute of the recording was just a bunch of piloting jargon, Daniel and the veteran pilot - whose name was George Luckett and also didn’t survive - going through a checklist of tasks to get the plane up and running.

Are you sure he’ll be able to see the banner from the ground?

Sam’s attention was instantly snagged by Daniel’s question.

As long as Sam is looking at us when we fly over.

The youngest’s heart was racing.

God, I hope that he says yes.

A chuckle that Sam figured was from George Luckett came out of the speakers.

If he loves you as much as I know you love him, there’s no doubt he will. You’ve got nothing to worry about, kid.

That’s when an awful crunching sound filled Sam’s ears.

George, what’s going on?

His heart contracted painfully at the fear in Daniel’s voice. Sam clamped his eyes shut as they began to water.

He knew what was coming next.

Shit, I think a goose flew into the propeller.

The recording was filled with the sound of frantic shuffling briefly before Mr. Luckett radioed Air Traffic Control about their issue. Sam could taste blood as he bit down on his lip at the sound of his late lover’s panicked breathing.

I don’t see a safe landing point, we ain’t coming out of this one unscathed. Louisa, if you listen to this, I love you so much. Danny, say something while you can.

There was a brief pause as if Daniel was deciding what to say.

Samuel, I’m so thankful for every moment that I’ve been able to share with you. You’ll never be able to fully understand, but I lo-

Never before had static made Sam want to throw up. He was right, he couldn’t handle hearing his boyfriend sounding so terrified.

The ringing in his ears drowned out the sound of his family crying around him, but he was able to see the tears staining all of their cheeks. Besides Sam, Josh and Mrs. Wagner were the ones crying the hardest.

To his left, the youngest heard Jake clear his throat to gain his attention. It wasn’t until that moment that Sam noticed the white knuckle grip he had on his older brother’s hand, but that wasn’t what he was trying to point out. In his other hand was a scratched up dark wooden box.

“This was with Danny’s personal belongings that the funeral home gave back to us,” Jake shakily explained, his hand shaking as he set it onto the table.

His entire body throbbed with each thrum of Sam’s heart. Dear god he hoped he was wrong again.

Sam cursed his intuition as he opened up the box to reveal a shining gold ring nestled into black velvet. Was it possible for an inanimate object to steal all of the air out of his lungs by simply looking at it? It must be, or else Sam didn’t know how to explain why he was choking.

The humidity didn’t help his feelings of suffocation, the air of his backyard feeling more like a damp cloth pressed against his airways. He rubbed his fingers against his neck in a convoluted attempt to try to get oxygen into his lungs, his nails leaving red trails against his pale skin. The thousands of stars dotting the twilight above him blurred together as painfully hot tears brimmed his eyes. The grass beneath his knees was wet from the thunderstorm that had just passed.

Feeling the weight of every negative emotion he was experiencing overwhelmed him. Sam clenched his teeth together as he continuously failed at trying to stop his sobbing. It was far from voluntary, in fact he didn’t even realize he was actively wailing until it echoed off the trees back at him. It was the most heartbreaking and devastating noise he’d ever heard.

Somehow, Josh was kneeling in front of him, hands on both of Sam’s shoulders. He was shaking his little brother in an attempt to snap him out of his hysteria, but it wasn’t working.

“Sam!” Josh screamed, using those pipes that got the band so much notoriety to try and get through to his brother. He had both of his hands on the sides of Sam’s face, forcing Sam to look at him. That finally seemed to snap him out of it.

“He was proposing,” Sam choked out, his breathing still not normal.

A tear slipped out from Josh’s eye. “Yeah, he was.”

“Daniel died trying to propose to me,” Sam repeated, sensing himself beginning to spiral again but unable to do anything to stop that momentum.

It was Josh who stopped that spiral.

“It was my idea,” he admitted with a cracking voice. It was clear he was trying his absolute hardest to not just full on sob, but there were leaks in his resolve.

“What?”

“He asked me and Jake for proposal ideas and I was the one to suggest that he use his new flying skills that he was so proud of to ask you to marry him.” Josh was rushing his words, making it hard for Sam’s brain to process everything that was being said to him.

He just looked at his older brother. He took in the way that he was barely holding it together, the way he seemed to beg Sam for something.

“It’s my fault, Sammy. It’s my fault he’s dead.”

He understood, now. That’s why Josh was taking on the brunt of looking after him. Guilt.

“Josh, no-”

“Samuel, you and I both know that no matter what you say I’m still gonna blame myself,” Josh argued just above a whisper. He hadn’t stopped crying.

The youngest stayed silent. How was he meant to respond to that?

“If I hadn’t suggested he go flying, Daniel would-” Josh was hysterical. His shoulders were shaking violently but no sound was coming out.

Sam was so stunned. Josh was always producing sound. He was always humming or talking, singing along to a song only he could hear. It wasn’t right. Too many things had changed because of Daniel’s death.

A new set of tears were falling down Sam’s cheeks. It was so painful to see the person he looked up to his entire life just fall apart like that in front of him. Josh might’ve been small in stature, but his personality more than made up for that. To see him be small both in posture and spirit just solidified to Sam that nothing would ever be the same ever again.

The funeral was the hardest thing Sam ever had to do. So many people had come up to him and asked how he was doing. They say the average person lies about once or twice a day. Sam surpassed that by at least a thousand that day.

Mr. Wagner asked him if he would make a speech days before the service. Like he could’ve said no to that.

Getting up in front of a crowd of people to perform a task was something Sam was extremely intimate with. This was the first time that Daniel wasn’t there to offer his love and comfort to Sam to try and ease his anxieties.

“As many of you here know, Daniel and I had been dating since sophomore year of high school. About half of everyone here knows that he was constantly making music; drumming his fingers on every available surface, strumming a guitar when he was struck with the inspiration for a new song, singing out lyrics when he thought no one was listening. Even less of you will truly experience what the absence of that constant music feels like.”

Sam pursed his lips and shut his eyes against the tears that were threatening to leap from his eyes.

“Only a handful of us here know that when he died, he was trying to propose,” he choked out into the mic. He didn’t see their faces, but the various gasps of shock and coos of sympathy tipped Sam off to the audience’s reactions.

Sam found the strength to continue by twisting the engagement ring he had on his finger. It was a perfect fit.

“Daniel was more than just a bandmate or a best friend, but the love of my life. Despite not being able to spend the rest of my life with him, it was an immense privilege to be able to have the time I did with him. Every second I was with him, I was counting my blessings. I was hardly worthy enough to have even a moment of his time, but thank god he didn’t seem to see it that way,” the youngest continued, ignoring the tears that were quietly falling down his face.

“Years ago, before our first album was even released, Daniel admitted in an interview that he always believed I would be the reason he was going to hell.”

Leaning over the side of the podium, Sam faced towards the ground, some of his hair slipping out of his bun.

“So Daniel, if you can hear me all the way down there-”

The audience broke out in laughter. Sam smiled, it’s what Daniel would want at his funeral.

He waited for it to die down before he continued.

“-of course I would marry you.” His tone and smile were watery, but he didn’t care.

The reception was less difficult. Less people checked in on him. Mostly, Sam just stuck with his older brothers as they all exchanged stories about their late best friend.

“That was his proposal speech,” Jake confided after touching on the subject of Daniel’s interest in flying.

“What are you talking about?”

“Danny’s last words… they were the beginning of his proposal speech.”

It was as if all of the sudden, Sam’s lungs lost all ability to function.

“He practiced it in front of us to ask our opinions on it,” Josh added, his fingers nervously tapping on his drinking glass.

It suddenly felt like he was submerged into a body of water. His hearing was muffled. His vision blurred. Breathing seemed to be a fatal error to make.

He needed to escape, to get away. He didn’t feel them, but he saw the world go by as his legs took him away from his brothers. Where was he going? Did he care? Should he care?

The familiar feeling of piano keys beneath his fingers brought him back to the present. This was the first time he sat behind the instrument since Daniel’s death.

Pulling from the depths of his sorrow and longing, Sam began playing. He completely turned off his thoughts and only focused on putting his emotions into sound. He knew words couldn’t describe the insurmountable sense of loss he was feeling, so he explained it in the way he knew how.

Sam failed to notice the way he captured everyone’s attention in the room. He even managed to bring a few people to tears, but Sam didn’t see. He was too focused on transcribing just how much he loved Daniel Wagner into song.

He felt lighter when he finished, the burden of repressed emotions lifted. The applause he received was a shock to him; he didn’t expect anyone to pay attention. He didn’t realize that it would be impossible to miss someone pouring their heart out into their art.

“How long have you been working on that?” Jake asked from his spot leaning against the piano.

“I wrote it just now,” Sam admitted.

“It was absolutely beautiful,” Jake complimented, his eyes watery and red.

Sam thanked his older brother, wishing there weren’t so many people around so he could talk to him and Josh.

He didn’t get the chance to until they all returned home.

“I want to release that song I wrote earlier,” the youngest pitched.

“We can do that,” Josh agreed, his tone distracted as he seemed to be far away in his mind.

The silence was deafening. There was an unspoken question hanging heavily above them all.

“I don’t want there to be any drums for this song.”

It seemed that Sam’s declaration was a confusing one, judging off the twins’ reaction.

“This song is all about how Daniel’s death left a gaping hole in my life, and I want the listener to also feel that absence from the song,” he explained.

Jake and Josh both nodded, their brows knit. Sam knew they were talking to one another non-verbally in that way they always could, but about what he couldn’t guess.

“If we do this, it should be the last song Greta Van Fleet ever releases.” Jake was looking at the ground as he spoke.

It seemed they were finally addressing the question that everyone had on their mind since Daniel’s death, but never spoke. They didn’t have to.

“Jake, are you sure?” Sam questioned, his hand placed on his older brother’s shoulder.

“You of all people should understand that we can’t just find a replacement for Danny.”

Sam knew that better than anyone. Even though Jake said it in the softest and least argumentative tone, the words hurt just as much as if Jake spat them at him. It wasn’t his intention by any means and Sam understood that.

“Daniel Wagner was one of a kind,” Josh added, a sad smile on his lips.

“There’s no doubt about that, but Jake, this is your dream. Are you sure you want to give this up?” Sam asked.

The guitar player let out a single huff of laughter. There was no humor in it. Finally, he looked his little brother in the eyes. He wore a rueful smile that matched his tear stained cheeks.

“There is no Greta Van Fleet without Danny, we’d be delusional to think otherwise. Despite what twitter says, we can’t do this without him,” Jake explained shakily. His smile was weak, but it was there in an attempt to convey to Sam that he didn’t blame Daniel for any of this.

Sam could empathize with Jake. All his dreams shattered alongside the airplane pieces that littered the ground on that fateful Sunday afternoon.

“Alright, then. One last ride,” Sam relented. The irony of the brothers discussing the ending of their band in the very same garage it was created in wasn’t lost on Sam.

It was on a Sunday that Greta Van Fleet released their last song before disbanding. Just as planned, there were no drums supporting the track.

Absence would come to be known as their best song ever recorded.

+++

If it makes you feel better, I made myself cry while writing this.

Samuel: @doodle417 @sammykiszkasunusedshoes @jmks-housewife @ageoferin @alwayssotiredbutneverofyou @etoilesnoor @ascendingtostardust @godlygreta @turtleskane @s0livagant

Daniel: @doodle417 @sammykiszkasunusedshoes @jmks-housewife @alwayssotiredbutneverofyou @ageoferin @etoilesnoor @ascendingtostardust @godlygreta @s0livagant

Link to the taglist form

#greta van fleet #greta van fic #samuel kiszka x daniel wagner #sam kiszka #samuel kiszka #sammy gvf #sammy kiszka #samuel francis kiszka #danny wagner #daniel wagner #daniel robert wagner #danny gvf #jake kiszka #josh kiszka #angst #major character death #sam x daniel

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obisimpkenobi · 3 years

Note

Congrats on 400 followers!! 🤗💙 Could you do a Dan Torrance sfw ABC?

Thank you so much!!!! Of course you can have ABC of Danny boy! This was fun to do and I want to cuddle him now.

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

It takes a while for Danny to open up. He’s had a rough past, and closes himself off to protect himself and others. He always tensed up when you showed any type of physical contact, but slowly started to melt into them. After things became official between the two of you he slowly started reciprocating, but is still nervous about it.

B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

You guys met through Billy. Most people in town know Billy, he is the quiet sweetheart that does what he can to help out. So he introduces the two of you, the two closest people to him. From there your friendship blossomed and he’d start seeking you out to be around you.

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Danny boy just needs to be held ok? Sweet boy just has so much going on and cuddling with you helps ground him. His favorite cuddle position is where you're on your back, and his head is resting on your chest, your arms cradling his head brushing through his hair. His arms will be around your waist trying to get impossibly closer to you and you tangle your legs with his, which makes him oh so soft.

D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, ect?)

He loves the idea of getting a small apartment with you, just something small and quaint. A proper home for once in his life with the one person he feels safe with.

He likes to keep a tidy place, if there is too much of a mess it starts to overwhelm him. He likes cooking, but most of the things he knows how to cook are simple dishes. He likes when you cook food you’ve had when you were a kid, a smile always adorning his face as you cook.

E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

This man would have tears in his eyes, but refuses to let them fall. But he would make sure he is respectful and make you realize that it really is him. He doesn’t want you to feel worse than you already do.

F - Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? Do they wanna get married?)

He is very hesitant about wanting to fully commit to you. He loves you, but he has so many demons. He thinks you deserve better than an ex-alcoholic that has mountains of trauma and this weird shining thing that haunts him most nights.

I feel like he wouldn’t feel the need to make it “official” anyways. Just being with you in general is enough for him. He doesn’t need this grand gesture or a piece of paper to show that he loves you. But he will do whatever makes you happy.

G - Gentle (How gentle are they both physically and emotionally?)

Dan emotionally is very rough around the edges, he really does need a bit of TLC. He himself tries to be soft towards you, and give you everything he thinks you deserve in a s/o. He wishes so much he could do more.

Physically he melts in your arms. The moment you hold him in any way he can’t help but smile for a moment and hold on to you tighter, or nuzzle into you. He’s been through shit and somehow his demons keep finding him, but when he is in your arms he feels safe. He’s not necessarily clingy, but he loves being held and holding you.

H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it, and what are they like?)

Like I said this man loves to hold you and he loves to be held. His hugs at first are timid, but you always squeeze him as hard as you can in the biggest bear hug you can muster. After you reciprocate his hug he grows more confident in it.

I - I Love You (How fast do they say the “love” word?)

As said before Danny is hesitant about most things because of his past, so it takes a while for him to even think “wow I love this person”. He knows he cares for you and does love you but the thought of really being “in love” scares him a bit. But nevertheless he does admit it out loud when you're holding him one night after a particularly nasty nightmare, or day just needing comfort.

J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What are they like when jealous?)

So I feel like during his time he got clean he’s learned to control his emotions more, so it’s hard for him to get jealous. He also trusts you 100% in that area, he knows you and knows you wouldn’t cheat on him. But when he does I feel like he gets a little pouty, and quiet. Once you realize you’ll grab his hand and squeeze it reassuring him that everythings ok.

K - Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He’s usually into the soft kisses, the ones where you both end up melting into each other. Your bodies start to relax with the feel of each other and you can feel the care in the kiss. IMAGINE AS HE LINKS HIS FINGERS WITH YOURS AS YOU KISS SOFTLY

But don’t let the man fool you, when the time is right he will kiss you with a fiery passion. It's incredibly sexy when he kisses you as if he owns you, but this is reserved for behind closed doors.

L - Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

He wasn’t good with kids before, but after working at Teeny Town and Abra he got better. It’s funny because he doesn’t do a high pitched voice like others usually would, but he would talk with interest and curiosity in his voice.

M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?)

So mornings happen differently. There are the mornings he gets up somewhat early to go conduct the train in Teeny Towns, and there are the mornings where he sleeps in a little later after a night working at the hospice center. Either way when one of you gets up you're always pressing a kiss to the top of the others head when they wake, and before they leave for work.

N - Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are the same as the mornings. The nights where he’s home are spent with the two of you dancing around each other as you cook, clean, or do whatever it is you do in the afternoons. But when he goes in to work, you always pack him some food to munch on later in the night and he can’t help but smile at the thoughtfulness. When he comes home he loves seeing you curled up in your shared bed, more often than not you’re in one of his shirts.

O - Open (When do they open up about themselves?)

It takes a while for him to open up to you. I mean most people think he’s crazy when he talks about the things he sees, or looks at him with pity because of his past. You never pushed him to talk about anything, which is how you gained his trust. Before you guys became an item he told you everything, and you sat there with sad, but understanding eyes. You grabbed his hand and told him that you believed him, and how that it doesn't change how you feel about him. Safe to say he was fighting tears after that and internally SWOONED.

P - Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He gets frustrated but not that angry anymore. But he is also pretty patient, especially with other people. The hardest part is being patient with himself.

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you?)

Dan remembers most things about you, but there are a few things that might slip his mind.

R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?)

His favorite moments with you are when you're cuddling, but one of his all time favorite moments was when you had just got off of work and Teeny Town was full of families. On your way home you walked right up to Billy and asked how you could help. At some point you ended up running around chasing the kids, while giving one a piggyback ride. You looked so happy, as you helped entertain the kids waiting for a ride on the train. He knew you were tired after work, but yet you still came over to help plant some flowers and help the tired parents with their kids.

S - Security (How protective are they?)

Dan is pretty protective, that’s why it took so long to let you into his life. He doesn’t want anything happening to you, and if something happened to you because of him? He’d never forgive himself. He still hasn’t forgiven himself for past slip ups.

T - Try (How much effort do they put in?)

Sweet boy tries. He tries his best everyday with what seems to be the weight of the world on his shoulders. You see that and are incredibly proud of him either way. But when he goes out of his way to do something for you? You feel special. Life is hard already, and extra hard when you have shit to work through. So you always make sure he knows that you appreciate everything he does, even if it's only for himself.

U - Ugly (What are their bad habits?)

Danny boy worked real hard to stop his drinking, but of course because of that he acts a little different when he’s overwhelmed and doesn’t have alcohol to help. The main thing is he really wants to just be alone, and is used to being alone. Learning to trust and have a friend in Billy is one thing, but having a significant other? There’s gonna be a little more work needed.

V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s pretty lax about his appearance. After he got clean he manages himself a little more than he used too, and after he got with you he tries a littlemore. He takes care of himself more and when you go out with each other he makes sure to look a little nicer for you.

W - Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

I wouldn't necessarily say “incomplete” but more of a loss. Being incomplete is like saying you will be okay again. He’s lost people before and worked through it, but he still feels it like the day he found out.

X - Xtra (Random HC)

After you move in together you realize there’s a cat that roams around, so you guys “adopt” it. You always leave food out and even bought a little bed and put it outside for it. It’s a little white and grey cat with light blue eyes. You named it Spoon, not knowing what else to call it while you washed some dishes. Danny chuckled at the name and somehow found himself calling the cat Spoon as well.

Y - Yuck (Things they don’t like either in general or a partner?)

Danny doesn’t like people who are impatient, or super closed minded. With the things he’s seen and dealt with he needs someone who won’t judge, someone who can believe what he’s been through.

Z - Zzz (Sleep habits)

Dan has insomnia. How can he not with everything in his head? So he doesn’t look forward to sleeping. He has medicine for if it gets too bad, or if he can’t go back to sleep. If you happen to wake up with him you make some tea to help relax the both of you back into sleep. You’ll curl up into each other and pass out watching an old show or movie you both like.

#dan torrance fic #dan torrance fluff #danny torrance imagines #dan torrance x reader #danny torrance x reader #doctor sleep imagine #dan torrance imagine #dan torrance #ewan mcgregor #ewan mcgregor x reader #sfw abc

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burns-art-account · 3 years

Photo

Mmm, free time after online school, we love it.

Anyway, I had some thoughts on Ember, so I decided to draw her. I tried to tie the fire aspect more into her design, especially because yellow/red and blue/purple fire contrasts so well.

Backstory, headcanons and thoughts below: warning, somewhat graphic depictions of death and feeling aware of you being a being

Backstory:

I imagined her to be a more reserved, quiet girl from a really small family, meaning her and her parents and some distant family members far away. When still alive she wasn´t really out going and kept to herself, unfortunately keeping her from making friends or crossing somebody´s thoughts for more than a few seconds. She didn´t get bullied, peers were actually rather polite to her. But that´s it. They quickly forgot about her again because nobody really considered her as a friend.

Amber is no one in the public´s eye, just that girl that lives in the old wooden house further in the trees.

For her, it felt like she truly was nobody, like there wasn´t anything resembling a person in her that was worth noticing. It nagged at her, feeling like a shell you feed and take care of so it doesn´t break, but she had no idea why she took care of it. Who she took care of. It was a truly numbing feeling, which didn´t help her feel more like a person she wanted to be. Holidays came, school closed. And it was in this time she tried to “build” herself, an identity people wouldn´t forget after five seconds, someone people wouldn´t ever consider when planing parties or anything. She took guitar lessons ever since she was little, now was the first time she realized she didn´t like the melodies. She didn´t like the soothing, the taking for granted and then forgotten. She came to realise she likes the loud, the unapologetic tones people either hate and shout about, or adore and feel with. Music sticks with people. Amber didn´t like her style of clothes, the colours were muted and the fabric felt like a cage, so she took different paints and scissors and made them hers. And she also didn´t like how plain her face looked, so she bought some eyeliner and tried it a few times. Fifteen tries before she found the style she liked. It surrounded her eyes in black and made them stick out.

She never got to establish herself as a living human being.

Her house burned down with her and her parents in it at night. Somebody tried to make a campfire in the woods near her house and fucked it up. She woke up from the heat, but there was no way she could escape, her doorway was a burning ruin, not letting her escape even if she tried. Jumping out the window wasn´t worth it either, she lived on the second floor, and due to the layout of the land around their house she´d fall a greater height straight into some rods left from construction work in their garden. She couldn´t bring herself to iimpale herself on them, Amber was frozen in a corner awaiting her death.

She saw her limbs burn before the pain and smoke killed her, dying afraid of her demise and regretting life choices.

She was feeling weirdly light, and could feel painful tugging on her arms and legs. Or what was left of them. Her skin being blue and purple only registered after. She tried to grab some of the ruins left from her former home but fell right through them. Suddenly she was awfully aware of her existence, sobering up from her pain and coming to the realisation how she didn´t survive. That the pulsing in her body wasn´t her heart and bloodstream, that the exposed bones from her hand weren´t like the ones from her biology books from school, like the ones before she woke up. That her flesh wasn´t red.

She never saw her parents rise. Didn´t see them looking at their mangled corpses, feeling the same way she did. It´s ironic, she thought, how identical “Amber” sounded to “Ember”. Ember never came back to this place.

Amber was no one in the public´s eye, just that girl that lived in the old wooden house further in the trees before it burned down.

But Ember would make herself known, would make them remember.

Headcanons:

- Ember saw her mangled limbs before she died and unconsciously shaped her body to look like that afterwards. After indulging in what she would´ve liked to do alive, she realised her body changed. Her fiery temperament is shown through her hair, her skin is healed, like she healed from most of her trauma from her death, and the beforehand almost unnoticable freckles shine like embers now. She realises she can change her appearance by “realising” it

- She actually changes her clothes and hair styles quite often, depending on the situation

- When she befriends someone she gets really protective of them, going as far as almost burning down a guy who demanded she hand him his “girlfriend´s” drink the young woman entrusted Ember with.

- She isn´t truly evil or wants anyone to suffer, she causes trouble for attention because she has no idea how to get positive attention as a ghost in this town, especially now that she already caused so much damage

- The trio figures this out at some point after they learn to engage and ask questions first; shoot later or never. They make peace and help her deal with her obsession in a safer way. Her and Sam actually become good friends, cause many of their likes overlap in one way or another

- Ember herself isn´t afraid of fire anymore, she learned to embrace it and it doesn´t have to hurt her. But she hates seeing the alive, especially kids and teenagers, close to open fires

- Since Danny doesn´t like being a ghost at first, rejecting that side of him every chance he gets before he finally came to accept himself, he never realised that his physical appearance was tied to his own perception of himself. Ember helps him with that and encourages him to take some freedom with it, he has a secret identity after all

- Ember and Val aren´t best friends, but they respect each other. Ember respects Val enough to keep away from her while she is at work and school when she´s around. Valerie respects Ember enough to leave her alone when she finds her singing to an audience

- Despite having a music taste which contains alot of swearing, she herself doesn´t swear all too much, actually reserving it for snapping moments because “going off” helps her release steam

- While Danny is cold to touch, especially while emotional, Ember has a high temperature that gets even hotter while emotional, like standing to close to a fire

- While alot of her attacks are based on music and sound, many are based on fire, some even using both. One being a soundwave that, although, not as strong as Danny´s ghostly wail, burns whatever it hits, which can and will result in big fires consuming whole places

- Her physical form is based on her perception of herself, which involves a lot of emotions, but the fire she creates and causes, no matter how far away she is, will change colour based on how deeply she feels at the moment. Yellow and red are the beginning of the spectrum, blue and purple the end

- She likes to continue being a teenager, buying herself a phone and, with the help of technus, getting it to work normally

#danny phantom #ember mclain #drawing #headcanon #backstory #Ember #dp #fire

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utterlyinevitable · 3 years

Text

Time Bomb

III.

I. | II.

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 3.2k Warning: angst, trauma, panic attack Summary: OHSY Chapter 13 rewrite with the trauma we should have had.

A/N: I was going to have this be one long fic but it read just as jumpy as the canon chapter so imma split it up into 3-4 parts. I’ve been sitting on this for weeks and not really happy with it but yolo it’s as good as it’s gonna get! Enjoy 💗

________________________________________

III.

Following an all-too-short lunch with Jackie, Becca reposed in the residents lounge for the rest of the day, alone, save for the somewhat reassuring chime of silence which was suspended throughout the room, and a riveting new journal that she held in her hands as she waited on labs to come back for her only patient, Farley.

Esme stepped inside the newly renovated room, closing the thick wooden door behind her and spinning a pen anxiously between her fingers. The atmosphere changed immediately - whatever calmness Becca found in this modern solitude vanished with her enigma of an intern’s presence. She moved to sit across from Becca without saying a word.

The two of them sat there in complete silence for a bit. The only sound was the rattling of the central heating from behind the ceiling panels and the taps of the pen Esme was still spinning between her hands.

Becca folded the article on her lap. She couldn’t focus on it anyway.

“Esme? Everything okay?”

It was impossible to miss the sullen look on Esme’s face - as if the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders and crushing her completely. She looked at Becca for a long moment, never meeting her eyes. Esme’s stare scanned the resident before her; the one resident responsible for her mentorship, the one she’s supposed to trust, the one who’s known to have faced great ethical dilemmas. All Esme could see was the same struggle staring back at her - only worse.

“Not really,” she huffs, crumpling back into the couch cushion. “It's Levi. His situation... it's really getting to me.” She took a pause to lick her dry lips. Then dove into the guilt eating away at her, “He's in so much pain every minute of every day. He's miserable, Becca. His whole life is agony, and he can't even tell anyone. I put my stethoscope to his chest a few days ago, and he teared up.”

Becca could tell Esme was trying not to cry, hiding her emotions behind the brick wall her angry tone provided. Trying to be strong. For whom had yet to be determined.

“Could you live like that?”

“Honestly…” Becca sighed as she bit her cheek, “I don't know.”

The last two weeks had Becca contemplating her own existence more than ever - a unwarranted side effect of escaping death. And in all those restless hours she hadn’t settled on a solid statement. She hadn’t found the right words to completely encompass and make sense of the endless agony tearing her apart.

She wished she could have switched places with Danny and Bobby; it was her fault they got caught in the crossfire. But Becca was selfish. So selfish for not wanting to die.

Rebecca Carolina Lao did not want to die. She could not die.

She’d worked hard her entire life - devoted her youth to her studies and cultivating the best resume she could. Her life had only just begun. She finally had the career of her dreams and…

What else is there to live for?

Those around her. Her friends. Her family miles away.

She couldn’t leave them. What would her mom be like if she had died without saying goodbye? She was strong but no one is strong enough to bury their child. Would she have her buried, or cremated and kept close to her heart? How would her roommates cope with the loss of another friend? How would they cope with taking on her share of the bills on top of inevitably losing their jobs in a few months? Who would pack up all her stuff and where would it all go?

Becca didn’t know any of these answers because she wasn’t in that position.

Through all of her pain, she fought like hell to stay.

As she sat in front of Esme, Becca’s mind briefly wandered to what it would be like to be in Levi’s position. If she couldn’t hold anyone’s hand anymore, or hold a pen or a book without pain… or kiss Ethan…

Would she be strong enough to live without everything she holds dear?

No.

She could not imagine her life ending any time soon.

“So what do I do for him, Becca? How do I help?”

The pen stopped rotating and the heating system lulled to a dull hum.

“You try... To respect his wishes,” she said with a resolute nod. “That could mean finding new experimental treatments, or it could mean accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more surgeries, even if you think they might help. He doesn't have any good choices right now. You have to make sure he knows you care about him first and foremost.”

The damaged girls looked at one another. The words settled and the air shifted.

Esme balled her fists against the loose fabric of her scrubs at her thighs. “Yeah... that makes sense.”

“Levi's been through a lot, and it makes sense that he doesn't want to get his hopes up for no reason. But it's your job to try to get him well.”

“I just wish I believed we could actually do that. Fix him.” Esme sniffled and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, straightening up resolutely.

Becca’s eyes softened. She remembered how it felt with her first terminal patients. That absolute helplessness didn’t compare - not any more.

The thing about being terminal - the silver lining - is foresight. People with incurable conditions have time to come to terms with dying. They have time to make amends. They have time to live the rest of their days on their terms. They have time to say goodbye.

Unlike Danny and Bobby.

Esme rose to her feet, wild determination in her eyes. “Levi's an amazing guy. I'm gonna help him... somehow.”

“He is,” a small smile pricked the corners of Becca’s lips. “I'm glad he has you to look after him.”

“Thanks, Becca. This really helped.” The standoffish intern smiled back and headed off towards her mission.

And once again Becca was left alone in eerie silence.

***

Stir crazy and mind bouncing too much for the walls of the small lounge to handle, Becca decided to make laps around the hospital. She spent the rest of her afternoon reacquainting herself with the wards and spending time comforting premature babies in the NICU.

Babies.

How can you be sad around babies? So full of life and promise...

Becca was walking past the E.R. on her way to check on Farley when she ran into Ethan.

His face lit up when he saw her; she looked better. She had pulled her hair back into a neater bun and there was a ghost of a smile present among her features. Looking up at him there seemed to be a glow about her, glowing in the faint way that only someone with a new lease on life could. Maybe Ethan was wrong. Maybe she did need to come back to work and face her fears head on. Maybe what was best for her was the distraction and promise of doing good. For once he hoped beyond all hope that his assessment would be proven wrong.

The sweet coloring in his eyes sparkled and the small cracks of crow's feet peeping at the corners sent a joyful warmth throughout Becca’s body. Just the sight of him gave her enough purchase to let out a large gust of air and with it most of her reserved tension.

Ethan.

He was here and she was safe.

For a fraction of a moment they both forgot they were still in the hospital.

“I've just been with your landlord,” he said slightly softer than his normal cadence, giving them both reason to stand closer in the busy lobby.

“How is he?” Becca shoved her hands deep into the pockets of her coat, keeping herself from reaching out to him in such a public place.

Their eyes never strayed from one another. The sparkle in his azure’s matched the glow of her heart as she gazed at him.

“A pain in the ass.” The sides of Ethan’s mouth perked upwards just a hair. “Medically, however, I'm waiting to see if any bacteria shows up in his cultures. If he has meningitis, we'll need to-”

Suddenly, the ambulance bay doors burst open cutting him off. Their heads whipped towards the door where an EMT was wheeling a new patient in.

With skilled precision the EMT rattled off. “I have a patient here. Unconscious female, 50's.”

Becca and Ethan took a brief look around the E.R., but the few doctors on duty were busy with other urgent cases.

“We'll take her,” he says just as Becca’s feet carried her to the gurney in an adrenaline-fueled rush.

Unconscious woman. Shallow breaths.

Becca’s muscle memory took over well before her brain could catch up, gently slapping the nameless woman’s deathly pale cheek. Everything happened so fast. Becca’s vision was filtered by a vignette secluding her from the world. The only thing pulling attention at the center was the woman before her. This patient barely breathing and clinging to dear life. This patient with frayed graying hair, soft creases and a pale white face with a structure she’s seen before.

This woman’s not going to die.

Becca wouldn’t have it. On the third slap to her boney cheek the darkened edges faded and Becca could finally see the bigger picture.

The moment she made contact, it clicked.

Becca’s jaw dropped as she registered the features glaring back at her.

“Oh my god…” she whispered to herself.

This can’t be.

Nervously looking over her shoulder Becca called, “Ethan,”

He raised his brows, ready to jump in and help at her command.

Before he could take a step forward Becca quickly elaborated, “It's your mom…”

Time kept spinning and every second this patient came closer to losing life.

For the first time in his career Ethan was rooted to the spot.

Of course this would be how they meet after 25 years. The universe had been playing a sick and morbid joke on him lately - Dolores, Naveen, Becca, and now the woman who was dead to him long ago.

“Ma'am?” Becca tapped her again, trying to jostle her awake.

Becca’s eyes further assessed the woman’s state. Blue lips and fingertips. Memories jolted through her on the backs of the numbing adrenaline of her first ever case with Ethan -

She’s losing life.

Just like Danny and Bobby and...

Becca pushed the constricting feeling of paralyzation aside. This woman cannot die on her watch. Another life will not be taken from her. Regardless of who they are.

Ethan watched Becca move frantically around that woman. The reassuring color she finally found had drained from her face completely. Without having to ask he knew how Becca was feeling, because he felt it too.

He didn’t want to help this patient. He wanted to turn on his heels and let the powers that be take control. To let whatever power that took her away from them all those years ago to come and take her away now. He couldn’t look at her. The nerve of that woman. But Ethan Ramsey took an Oath and there was a patient who needed his expert care.

With herculean effort Ethan shook himself out of his trance and leapt into action a split second later.

“How's her breathing? Listen to her chest,” he instructed.

“Shallow. Pupils are small and unresponsive…” Becca responds, moving to check their patient’s arms for any telling signs.

And she finds one.

Track marks.

She bit back the gasp threatening to call Ethan’s attention.

Ethan…

As much as Becca wanted to protect him from this - from the deep seeded, constant pain his mother inflicts - her job came first. Becca was a doctor and her attending needed to know the diagnosis.

“It looks like an opioid overdose. We need to wake her up.”

She didn’t take her eyes off of his mother, willing her awake with every fibre of her fragile being. Calling up to that invisible force that spared her life only weeks ago for just one more favor. Just one more delay to the inevitable. She greedily needed her to survive. Needed his mother to open her eyes - there was no other option.

Death would not come today.

“Louise?” Ethan finally acknowledged the woman. His voice bellowing, pricking goosebumps on Becca’s skin. “Dammit!”

Ethan brushed past Becca and ground his knuckles into his mother’s sternum.

“Hnnng…” Louise whined; her eyes opened for a moment and Becca caught the same baby blues blankly staring at her then rolled back in her head.

No.

Doe eyes wide and full of diluted terror Becca announced, “I'll get the naloxone.”

She hurried to find a bottle of the drug in a cabinet by the nurses station, quickly preparing an injection in her unfaltering hands as she moved back towards the gurney in ten steps. Then without an ounce of hesitation, stabbed the needle into Louise’s shoulder. Ethan’s mother drew a deep, shuddering breath, eyes fluttering as she slowly pulled out of her unconscious state.

Becca’s breath caught up with her.

She’s alive.

That was all the assurance Ethan needed.

“Alright, she'll make it.” Ethan pulled his rubber gloves off and stepped away from the gurney and where Becca still rooted beside it.

“Nurse? Keep an eye on her. We're done here.”

Becca wasn't done. She was sinking in the feelings surrounding her. She felt like she was drowning in the onslaught of waves overtaking her - waning adrenaline, fear, terror, inadequacy, remembrance. Death looked her in the face again today. She evaded him once more.

Becca 3, Death 2.

What quarter were they in? When will this duel finish?

She doesn’t know. It’s an inevitable prolonging. A battle she won’t win for long.

When is the end?

She’s consciously terrified of losing.

Becca’s rooted in place as the waves began rolling towards her. Everyone moves around her in fluid sweeps. She sees nothing and everything all at once. Her line of sight coated in blanched static.

When the nurse took over and shook her out of her trance, Becca noticed Ethan promptly striding from the room without another word. This wasn’t the Ethan she knew; he would never leave a patient this soon. And this wasn’t a patient… it’s his mother… who nearly died if it wasn’t for him…

Becca swallowed her bile of trauma and chased after him through the storm;

“Ethan!”

The haunting she felt in her core didn’t matter. The shadow taking tallies over her shoulder didn’t matter. None of that mattered. She had to push past it all and be strong for him now.

He was elusive. She didn’t even hear his footsteps stomping through the hall and rattling through her, not even the vibrations ricocheting off the steel foundations. His long legs couldn’t have taken him too far. Scanning the corridor, Becca noticed the door to the on-call room a second away from shutting.

Ethan.

She finds Ethan hunched over a cot in the empty on call room. The room is dark - only one clinical light is glowing in the far corner of the cramped room. His hands balled into tight fists, the whites of his knuckles reflecting the little light away from his crumpled face.

She gingerly sat down beside him and ran a gentle hand over his back.

“Ethan?” Becca whispered a few moments later “Are you alright?”

Warm air flowed indignantly between them.

“She does not get to do this to me.” He huffed in his deep voice laden with the sentiment of a broken child. ”She does not get to make me feel bad for her.”

“I’m sorry.” Becca couldn’t say anything louder than a whisper. Her own despair still gripped into her like a vice.

“Don't be.” Ethan shrugged bitterly, though not enough for her to let up on her calming caresses. “This has nothing to do with me. That woman isn't anyone I know.”

She rested her head against his shoulder. They let silence hang and their minds clear. It was Becca who asked the most pressing question from their earlier observations:

“Do you think your dad knows she’s using?”

“...I don't know.”

He grinds his hands further into his eye sockets, willing the newest image of that woman from his minds eye. Becca continued soothing rubs up and down his back and placed her chin on his shoulder so she could look at him more closely.

“It’s okay to be sad,” she mutters.

“I'm not sad. I'm... I'm…” Ethan dropped his hands and they hung between the gap of his legs. His eyes squeezed shut and she can make out the small droplets trapped against his lashes. “Angry.”

“That's okay, too.” Her free hand moved to begin tracing nonsensical patterns over the thin, starchy fabric at his forearm. “Anything you're feeling right now is okay.”

His clouded eyes flew open.

“I'm…” he begins to speak before pressing his lips together tightly.

He huffed, shoving off her embrace and stands.

“I have to get back to work.”

“That was your mom, Ethan. She nearly died. You can take a minute. It's okay--” she began to plead.

Becca was trying to beg him to stay. To lock the door and let them hold one another for a while. So that they can fall apart and patch one another up with unconditional affection. She needed this just as much as she knew he did.

But Ethan didn’t give her the chance to ask, to make the all too enticing proposition as he bound across the room. He didn’t even bother to turn around; his eyes shut tightly and hand reached for the metal knob. He inhaled a deep cleansing breath;

“No, it isn't. There are patients that need me much more than she does.” There was a finality in his tone that frightened her.

Becca’s jaw slacked.

Ethan didn’t leave a second for her rebuttal. For her to beg. Not even a quirk of the neck in her direction to see the matching brokenness in their eyes.

The door shut loudly behind him, his footsteps echoed down the hall.

She wanted to chase after Ethan. He needed her now more than ever. Another person in his life could have been gone in a swift, unforgiving instant. If the effects of seeing their patient on the brink of death was this bad for her she could only imagine what he was going through. Though Becca couldn't move, couldn’t force herself to run through the halls and break down the barriers he’s just put up sky high. He’s pushing her away again; she can feel it.

Resigned, Becca gave up the great fight.

When the rattling of his exit dissipated and all that reached her ears was an unnerving peace, she laid down, hugging the plastic wrapped pillow tightly to her body. It smelt like clean and disinfectant and morbidly hospital-like. She wasn’t able to lose herself in this horrid smell. She ripped off the case with as much strength as she could muster, freeing the mass-produced cushion. The squish of the mildly firm pillow through the hypoallergenic fabric wasn’t helping. It still carried all she needed to forget. Rolling to face the wall, curling into a tight ball and burrowing her face in the pillow she let out a vital, subdued scream. The damn was shattered and her emotions spiraled freely for the first time in days.

Everything was all too much.

________________________________________

Masterlist

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Perma:

@rookiemarsswiftie @lucy-268 @binny1985 @thegreentwin @queencarb @danijimenezv @starrystarrytrouble @terrm9 @interobanginyourmom @adrex04 @maurine07 @mercury84choices @schnitzelbutterfingers @theeccentricbibliophile @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @whimsicallywayward15 @mvalentine @rookie-ramsey @drariellevalentine @lifeaskim @otherworldlypresents @therookie @aylaramseycarrera @angela8754 @fireycookie @stateofgracious @missmiimiie @uneravine @peaceinmidstofchaos @choicesaddict5 @iemcpbchoices

Ethan:

@udishaman @honeyandsunfl0wers @hutchereverlark23 @ohchoices @dulceghernandez @blossomanarchy @stygianflood @caseyvalentineramsey @rookieoh @openheartthot @senseofduties @lilyvalentine @tsrookie @kalogh @aworldoffandoms @takemyopenheart @casey-v @ramseyandrys @ethanramseylover @ramseyreader @a-crepusculo @aarisa-frost @shanzay44

#ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart #open heart fanfic #choices open heart

71 notes · View notes

ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years

Note

hi Ash, i know you've given advice to autistic writers as a neurotypical before so if you've answered this i'm sorry!! but i was wondering, do you have advice for making characters different from each other as someone who struggles to understand how others think? all my characters have the same way of speaking/the same reactions (those being exactly the same as me), when i try to force characters to be different they just turn back into me. i really don't know how anyone else's mind works lol!

This is pretty common even for neurotypical writers, especially when you’re in early stages on trying to improve your writing! I feel like everybody starts out with a narrative voice where that narrative voice sort of permeates everything, and you develop individual voices/unique voices only after that. So trust, there’s value even early on when the voices all sound the same, and that you recognize that puts you one step further towards differentiation already.

So.

Number one, let’s take a look at dialogue patterns. One of the easiest ways to tell people apart, in writing, is by HOW they speak, not what they say. Some people speak slowly - they take time, pause between sentences. Some might stutter. Some might express emotion openly, while others are very analytical or short and fast in how they speak. Some people might ramble or every time they speak turns into a story.

Let’s think of some OCs and how their internal thought process changes how they think:

1. Kauri - wildly traumatized and part of his trauma involves having it carefully enforced that he’s stupid, even though he isn’t. A lot of his conversation turns into insulting himself in some way. He is also bright and cheerful and chatty, so he tends to talk a lot, and be optimistic and sweet and kind.

2. Nate has a stammer that gets worse or better depending on how stressed or unhappy he is (except that, on occasion, he gets angry enough that he stops stuttering entirely for a short while.) A thoughtful, deliberate man, Nate speaks more slowly, and with thought beforehand. He is outwardly quieter because much of what he does happens internally.

3. Danny uses ‘um’ a lot, and tends to start rambling nervously when he speaks, as a result of his time with Bram. He is a hesitant speaker but when he starts he usually doesn’t stop.

4. Jake swears easily and constantly, is sometimes irritable, but deeply gentle with the rescues. His sentences are usually shorter.

5. Chris has a particular speech pattern called ‘cluttering’ - it’s not stuttering on syllables but repeating words a lot, almost always the smaller sort of transition words like ‘then’ or ‘and’. His mind is also running a thousand miles a minute, which is part of why his speech clutters - he’s thinking so fast that he often gets stuck trying to remember what he was about to say, his brain already moved on.

So these are some examples of how speech can SHOW different ways of thinking. The best way to get a grasp on this is really practice. Take some time to think through what personality traits or ways of thinking you WANT your OCs to have that you don’t currently see or read in them. Let’s say you have:

Hiram Age: 25 Personality: Analytical, sarcastic Speech Notes: Speaks only after thinking. Shorter sentences - quick and to the point. Sarcasm is primary spoken humor. Others routinely do not know he is joking due to his flat affect and take him seriously

Jennifer Age: 23 Personality: Analytical, bubbly, cheerful Speech notes: Often rambles and speaks her entire thought process out loud. Long sentences, lots of variation. Routinely doesn’t realize Hiram is joking. Her own humor is more prone to silliness. Usually assumes the nicest/kindest motivations in others.

Notes like this can help you get a better idea of where you want to do with the characters and how to write out their dialogue.

Most of us can’t REALLY fathom the way other peoples’ minds work. I mean, I’m pretty terrible at it. But the trick is making it LOOK like you do, and speech notes/work on dialogue can go SUCH a long way.

For me, the goal is that if I wrote dialogue without ever naming the people involved, you would be able to tell that two different people are speaking. Play around with that, as well - write out a scene, pull out only the dialogue, and play around with what you can do to make it clear that multiple people are talking and how their voices can ‘sound’ different on the page. No pressure to get perfect, just practice for the fun of it.

Hope that helps!

#writing advice

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wolftraps · 3 years

Text

As always

Another extra from The Reverb in These Holy Halls. Just because Sasha’s a fear monster now doesn’t mean she’s going to let Tim stop being her friend. But also, Sasha “in this house we love and support Jon Sims” James isn’t here for Tim’s grudges.

—

Three months or so after the Unknowing. After they’d all gotten pizza and got mostly drunk and pretended for the night that they were all friends and everything was fine. After Tim had handed in his resignation and closed a chapter in his life he was beginning to think would never end with a strong determination never to reopen it. Three months after all that, Tim comes home to find her in his flat.

She smiles at him, in such a familiar way, and it should make him angry, he thinks, like he was with the thing that took Danny. Angry and afraid. He’s not though. Mostly he’s just tired. Tired and sad. He drops his wallet and keys on the side table and locks the door behind him. It’s not like this thing uses normal entrances.

He purposely doesn’t look at her and she sighs. “Tim—”

“Don’t,” he snaps. “Don’t tell me you’re her, because you’re not.”

“I’m not… not her,” she hedges.

Incredulity forces him to face her. “That… that doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Yes, that’s… kind of the point.”

“Of what?” He really shouldn’t ask. He really should know better.

“Me? I guess? Whatever I am. Sense is meant to be… twisted, and coiled, and looped back on itself. For me.” Her fingers twist around themselves, and Tim can’t watch too long without getting dizzy. He shuts his eyes.

“I can’t tell if I’m pissed off or just confused.”

“Both, probably. I just… We were never going to be what you wanted us to be. But I couldn’t just let you… mourn me, and pretend I’m not here. I didn’t kill Sasha, Tim. Sasha became me.”

Tim scoffs. “Yeah, like Jon became that thing he is now. ‘The Archivist’.”

“Y— Well, yes? And also no. Jon’s change was more gradual—”

“The hell it was! Maybe for him, but he’s not the Jon I worked with. That I was friends with. That Jon was just— overwritten.”

“Is it really overwriting,” she asks, “if they were the same person to that point? Does it matter, if the Jon you’re talking about would’ve have gone through the next four years in the exact same manner as this Jon did? Jon became what he is because that’s where he was pushed. You’re blaming him for being changed by his experiences.”

“I’m no—”

“You are. You feel personally betrayed because the end result of his trauma isn’t who you remember from before it. If this Jon hadn’t come back, we’d both be dead by now. And you’d have hated him all the same.” Her voice is sharp but annoyingly level. That’s always…

“... aren’t you not supposed to make sense?” he grumbles.

“Well, if I don’t knock some into you, who’s going to? Jon?” She sighs, picking at her fingers. “I am… less Sasha, than the Archivist is Jon. But Jon’s change happened without his understanding. As Sasha, I chose this, knowing what I was doing.”

“You could be lying,” Tim says, swallowing down the bitter taste in his mouth.

“I could,” she agrees with a grin. “If I was, you might never know. I’m very good at it.”

“Not exactly the answer I was looking for.”

“Yes, but if I told you that, it would be a lie.” There’s a slight ringing in his ears, like the chuckle she’s trying to contain behind that smile can’t help but seep through. Part of him wants to laugh as well, the other part is trying to remember that trick to get rid of tinnitus.

Eventually he drops himself into a chair and lets the force expel the air from his lungs. Not quite a sigh. Not quite resignation. Not quite a roll of his eyes. “Alright, fine. Then why?”

“That’s hard to explain rationally. I made a statement about it,” she says brightly. “Two actually! You could listen to them if you want, I don’t mind.”

“I’m not going back to that place. Just… try.” She positions herself on the sofa, not so much sitting in it as draping herself over it, her legs just happening to end up curled on the cushions. And Tim knows that furrowed brow, that slight, contemplative frown. He doesn’t push. Sasha always… she’d always needed time to order her thoughts before she spoke. Never one to stutter through.

“Fear, I suppose.” Her whole head seems to roll with her eyes when he snorts, though it never actually moves. “Yes, I know, but… there’s no good way to describe it. No other word that fits so well. There were so very many feelings that led me to the decision. So many thoughts and rationalizations and doubts. But underneath it all, it was fear. Fear of never seeing Jon again; fear of him being hurt; fear of finding him too late, yes. But also fear of my own helplessness; fear of how easy it would be to be a victim— just another unfortunate statement-giver, and fear of not having the power to help when the time came. Fear that, in a job like that, the End would find me too soon. Fear of losing myself. Fear of being too afraid to risk it. Fear of my own stubbornness keeping me from adapting like I needed to. Fear of what it would mean, once I figured it all out. Fear that I never would, and it would eat away at me. Fear that, underneath it all, I didn’t want to figure it all out. Fear of how that desperation to just be lost pulled at me, and fear of what I’d be if I didn’t answer it.” The words come faster and faster until it’s hard to distinguish what she’s saying, though the sentiment still gets through. She takes a breath and sits back from where she’d starting leaning toward him. It’s painfully familiar.

“I was so full of contradictory fears, and it kept chipping away at me, at my reason. And then Michael told me he was going to kill Jon, and for just a moment it all stopped and it all hit me at once. And I thought ‘Can I really do this?’ and I knew I could. I wanted to. Maybe there were better ways— ways that kept me more me— but this was the one before me. This was the quickest, the most decisive, the most useful, and if I hesitated, there was no guarantee I’d get another chance. So I took it.”

“Not to be a self-centered ass, but what about me?” His voice is thick, trying to catch in his throat. “Did you even consider what it would do to me, to see this happen to you?”

“Yes. Of course. You’re my best friend.” He scoffs through the tears, and she smacks his arm, chiding, like she always did, though she should be too far to be able. “You are. Jon, Martin… they’re my family now. There’s a bond there that I don’t think even Jon could describe. But I think… you’re why I’m still Sasha.”

“Sorry, what? No—”

“Yes. Do you know how easy it would’ve been? To just let myself go? To become just a- a dye on the yarn, rather than a strand in the braid?” It should be rhetorical, but she just waits, and Tim thinks she’s been around Martin too long. Though maybe Martin got it from her, rather than the other way around. It’s been years now, Tim can barely remember what mannerisms she had before the Archives.

“Easy, I assume?”

“So easy, Tim! So. Easy. But I didn’t! I stayed mostly me!” Sasha pauses and tilts her head slightly. “Well… partly. At least half!”

“And you think that’s good enough?” Tim still can’t shake that bitter taste… or is it sour?

“I hope it is.” The words sound flat. Not without emotion but… without that unnatural reverberation that makes the world tilt. They sound… human. They sound like Sasha. “I really, really hope it is.”

It fucking hurts. It hurts that she’s gone. It hurts that she left him behind. It hurts that there is something sitting in his flat, with her face, asking— if he’s reading it right— to be friends. It hurts that it’s not really her. And it hurts that it is. There are differences. Countless differences. But the way she talks, moves, smiles… it’s all Sasha, turned up to eleven. It hurts how much he wants this. And he’s so, so sick of that bitter taste.

“I can’t just go back to how things were,” he chokes out. “I can’t just pretend you’re the same person I knew before.”

“No,” she agrees. “No, of course not. We could start small, though, maybe? Get lunch sometime? Make awkward conversation over and over until it eventually becomes natural?”

“Do you even eat anymore?” Tim has to ask.

“I… ate the pizza?” This seems like the sort of thing she should’ve thought about earlier, but he supposes she has had other things on her mind. “And I still like coffee. So… probably? I don’t need it, but I think I can still enjoy it. Maybe. I’m really curious to find out now.”

Of course she is. And that thought is what decides him.

“Okay,” he says. “Lunch then. On Thursday.”

Sasha perks up and grins. “Really?! Oh! That’s great! Lunch on Thursday! Right. I’ll- I’ll let you be, then, and see you Thursday. I’d give you a hug, but—”

“Please don’t.” Her laugh still makes him flinch, but she doesn’t try to contain it this time.

What she does can’t be called standing so much as unfolding, but whatever she does, she gets up from his couch and goes to a yellow door on his outer wall that definitely shouldn’t be there. Tim drops his head to his hands and rubs his temples.

��… Thank you, Tim,” she says, but doesn’t seem to mind that he doesn’t respond as the door swings open with an eerie creak. Just before she steps fully inside, she stops. “Oh… Tim?”

“Yes,” he asks, trying to remember if he still has any paracetamol anywhere.

“When is Thursday?”

#tim stoker #sasha james #tma #my writing #my tma fic #reverb ficlet #reverb #not technically a sad #distortion!sasha #the reverb in these holy halls

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saundraswriting · 3 years

Text

This is Our Last (First) Christmas

SUMMARY: At the end of a terrible sophomore year, Stiles decided with Deaton to use his spark and cleanse the Hale Territory, including Beacon Hills. With the Ley lines re-awakened properly, Beacon Hills earned its name. Junior year is better only because they face it with more preparation than the year previous. Stiles still feels that pack is missing something, the summer brings the pack closer than ever, including Stiles and Derek. Senior year starts and with it emotions run high for multiple reasons. Christmas comes and with it, Stiles is growing more and more distant, until one argument between him and Derek changes the dynamic forever.

WARNINGS: None (I think)

NOTES: This is my gift for @negativenorth. I wrote this for @stereksecretsanta this year. This is my first time doing this kind of gift exchange. I also did another one this year.

MASTERLIST // Ao3

The Hale Pack survived junior year. Miraculously. The troubles that surrounded them sophomore year brought on by their sacrifices to find their parents were increased by the cleansing ritual in the spring Stiles and Deaton did. It cleansed the Hale Territory-including Beacon Hills and the Preserve-The Pack, the air, the ground, even the humans of all the remaining darkness; reawakening the hibernating Ley Lines and brightening the light of Beacon Hills.

The summer was strangely terror-less. Deaton explained the cleansing happened like and earthquake, the energy radiating out and it would take some time until the epicenter was found but once things found it, everyone would tune into it. The Hale Territory was highly desired by many supernaturals for many reasons. Derek (under the advisement of Stiles) began a training regiment for the pack, humans included. Derek focused more on the wolves-Scott, Jackson, Danny, Isaac, Erica, Boyd, and Ethan and Aiden-who deflection helped defeat the Alpha pack and Derek welcomed in with open arms. The humans trained too, but with Melissa on first aid and field trauma medicine and Chris and John with hand to hand and gun and knife combat training. Stiles had added training with Deaton on magic. Eventually, The wolves joined the humans.

"Why do we need medical training?" Isaac asked, diligently paying attention to proper stitching technique.

"If something happens, yeah you may heal but that doesn't solve blood loss. Or if a human is out. Or you needed to be inconspicuous about lycanthropy. Technically you don't exist." Stiles said. "Or a broken bone that heals wrong."

"He's not wrong. I agree." Derek chimed in.

"You're only agreeing because-"Erica was cut off by a hard nudge to the ribs from Allison and a heated glare from Scott. Stiles was confused but let it go, only to silently agree with the Mate-Marks on their right arm-a vine of bright red thorny roses.

"Well, if Mom says and Dad agrees then I guess we have no choice." Jackson sneered. Stiles sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Excuse me for wanting you to stay alive, dipshit. These aren't bad skills to have in general even. My first aid saved your fucking ass more than once." Stiles practically snarled. This pack was made up of his friends but that didn't mean they were easy to get along with. Jackson opened his mouth to retort but was cut off by Lydia's hand on his arm. Stiles always smiled softly when he got a glimpse of their Mate-Mark behind their ears, the chemical formula C43H66N12O12S2 also known as oxytocin.

A week during the fall of junior year, Stiles felt a chill go down his spine. One of the wards he spent several long days putting up with Deaton's teaching had been triggered. He had put up a dozen or so of varying intent, getting stronger and closer together the closer to Derek's loft they got. Stiles had a list in his journal of placements to recharge them if needed but Deaton had told him with his Spark and use of Ley lines, they will stay charged and operational until removal. Stiles texted to Derek to warn him of the visitor and he with Boyd checked it out.

That was the first of almost weekly trespassers of the creatures-that-go-bump-in-the-night variety. The pack had their training, their strength, their determination to survive but they didn't have their teamwork, their trust, their knowledge to win. Stiles and Lydia and occasionally Allison worked to compile as much information as possible from Deaton and Chris and Derek and independent research as possible. The Pack grew smart but they still couldn't click, they used too much brawn not enough brain.

"You would think, with werewolves needing packs, they would innately understand teamwork." Stiles said. He was at the Argent's house looking at few of Chris's books. He had become more helpful since Allison and Scott finally told him the truth about their Mate-Marks. He didn't like it but he know helped as much as he could knowing that was the only way to get his daughter safe.

"You have to remember Stiles, they may be werewolves now but they are teenagers first. High schoolers. Derek isn't that much older than you all. You somehow see the bigger picture but they can't." Chris said.

"I have always had to see the big picture. No one else was looking at it at the beginning. I was trying to keep everyone alive, not just-"Stiles cut himself off. "You are so right. You always have the best ideas." Stiles sagged a little with relief. He was glad he'd been able to convince Chris to help them, join them. "I have to go." Stiles left the kitchen, uncharacteristically leaving the books scattered on the table. He hopped into his jeep and headed straight to Derek's loft.

"Derek, are you home?" Stiles opened the door to the loft with the only spare key Derek ever made.

"Hey, Stiles. Surprise seeing you here, everything okay?" Derek popped out from the kitchen. "I am making dinner, care to join me?"

"Oh, that would be nice. Everything is okay, I just have something to talk to you about." Stiles sat at the island rubbing a thumb against the glass Derek handed him and the other rubbed the spot behind his ear.

"Okay. If you are this serious then it probably has some merit." Derek said. Stiles felt proud of the growth Derek had gone through. He had become a better man and Alpha since the pack had grown and settled and he was able to grieve properly. Stiles, however was confused at his statement. Derek looked up to see Stiles looking back with his head tilted and eyes narrowed. "You have tells just like the rest of us. You may know all of ours but you don't know your own. You have gotten good at lying to us weres but you forget that some of us? We know you. Like me, you rub behind your ear when you are thinking about something and it may upset the balance of things." Derek explained. Stiles didn't know how to answer, wasn't sure what to say, Derek studied him? It made sense in Stiles' head, at the beginning Derek needed to know everyone's angle even his.

"I didn't know that." Stiles said. He decided to ignore the other parts Derek said until later. "I know as a pack we have strengths and weaknesses. We need to work on those weaknesses, our biggest one? Teamwork. This pack is holding the strongest territory in the Northwest right now, and it is made up of young werewolves and several humans and a Banshee who all happen to be teenagers in high school. We had a social hierarchy and it worked until you bit several of them. Now they have to relearn that, everything is discombobulated causing tensions, and second-guessing and we may have survived until now but eventually that won't be enough. We may be a pack but we won't be a family until that happens." Stiles paused realizing how that sounds. "Not that I want to replace yours. I just want-I don't mean to-I get it. I don't want you to be alone anymore." Stiles finally spit out.

"I know what you mean. I would never think that you of all people are trying to somehow push away my family. You have too much resect for others to even think that." Derek said. His face was relaxed and open, the skin around his eyes wasn't even tight. You probably love hearing this from me, even though I say it a lot. You are right. We don't know each other well enough to know what we'd risk for each other. So what is your idea?" Derek turned back to the stove.

"What makes you think I have an idea?" Stiles asked. Derek just threw a look over his shoulder at the young man.

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't have an idea." Derek said.

"I was thinking of having the pack rebuild your house. It would give them a safe common goal and outlet. It would reestablish your territory ad strength pack bonds and the bond with the land. it would give us a den. I know I just said I don't want to replace your family. And that is true. I don't want to because I know I can't. I can however make the pain less, the burden lighter and you happier. We can do this together Derek. Me and you. like always.

"I. I will think about it." Derek said very slowly. Stiles nodded. Derek said nothing else, instead finished up dinner and Stiles took it as a sign to get place settings ready and switch to lighter topics.

The winter of junior year was made up of blood, sweat, tears, anger, resentment, claws, teeth, bullets, arrows. The pack was surviving, but barely. Stiles could see the fault lines forming, the glares more frequent. He never pushed Derek, only waited and hoped. He knew that the Hale Pack had the potential to be amazing once again, but only if they worked for it.

The spring of junior year bloomed with hope, filled with finals college preparation and a wendigo or two. March came and went but April came in like a lion. Derek had made his decision, rebuilding the Hale Manor is needed and would do them some good. The pack had too many issues amongst themselves to work through, if they didn't settle as a whole and members of that whole, then more people would die and the pack would fall apart. Derek's decision came instinctively, The young betas had been arguing over who was to land the first hit, the baddy of the week threw Erica into a tree skewering her on a branch. Derek saw it happen in slow motion, anger thrumming in his veins. That second she impacted the tree Derek knew. He would make a pack out of these teenagers or die trying. They needed the pack as much as he did.

Derek stood over his pack watching them cuddle each other from a distance. They were on the floor of the loft spread out, but unable to ignore the need to touch. Lydia had a leg curled with Allison, tucked under Jackson arm. Isaac bridged the space between Erica and Boyd and Scott and Allison. Stiles was sitting at the island still working. Always working. Derek had actively tried to not look at Stiles, the few glances he allowed had the same results, heart pounding breath catching results. Stiles had showered and was wearing a pair of sweats he'd left here some day and a shirt of Derek's, who's scent of pine and leather mixed deliciously with Stiles' own scent of lemon and honeysuckle. Derek was glad the rest of the pack was sleeping, unable to witness him softening. Stiles was the only one to bring it out. He sat down next to Stiles, pulling his feet into his lap, rubbing lightly.

"I've been thinking...about what you said a while back." Derek couldn't look at Stiles. He instead focused on his feet. "About rebuilding."

"Oh? Did you come to a decision then?" Stiles kept his face turned to the books in front of him, side-eyeing Derek. He knew that staring would only cause Derek to shut down harder. Stiles could feel his heart pounding, knew Derek could hear it but tried to project calmness.

"Yeah. I did. I want to do it. I need to do it. The last step of grieving and the first step of acceptance. This pack needs a fresh start. You are right, like always. I only want to do this if you help me every step of the way. I can't do this by myself. I don't trust anyone else to help." Derek admitted. Stiles beamed. The absolute joy and pride on his face made Derek almost forget that he had just agreed to tear down the last standing reminder of his family.

As if Stiles could read his mind, "They'd want you to be happy. I would be honored to help you.”

The decision to rebuild the house triggered something in Stiles. He began working with Deaton, honing his sputtering spark into a full-fledged flame. Deaton was impressed with his strength, commenting the flame was more like an inferno. Stiles did his school work on top of learning magic and keeping a pack of rag-tag teenagers alive. Deaton explained that Sparks were common but without proper training burned out, with proper training Sparks became witches or varied magic users, they often became emissaries to those in need or ran shops. The idea of being a pack emissary resonated with Stiles and that became his goal. He learned moon phases, herbs, spells, enchantments, crystals, sigils, runes, ancient languages. As he learned, he wasn't the only one to grow emotionally. The pack began to pull down the old Hale Manor. Piece by piece, they pulled it down. The beginning was hard-insult were thrown without care for where they landed, more than one fight broke out usually but they worked together and talked and learned about each other. The insults lost their thorns, the glares lost their heat and the smiles lost their fangs.

During the days between the too-hot spring days and the too-cold summer days, the last dumpster full of the remains of the Hale Manor vanished down the road. Derek watched feeling numb. Stiles stood by in quiet solidarity. All that was left was the scorched earth and a smattering of rubble, the grass was stained gray from ash and fire, the foundation crumbling into itself. There would be a specialist coming to demolish and redo the foundation, that was something Derek requested. The two men looked at the now empty clearing, Stiles pretended not to notice the trembling of Derek's fingers. Stiles simply took his hand in his and pulled him down to sit, letting Derek lean against him and grieve.

"No one likes it when strangers speak for those who you have lost. I know I hated it. I also know what it is like to an extent." Stiles paused. "They would be proud of you. You were in a down really low, and you brought yourself back. You did it." Stiles pressed himself into Derek's bulk.

Thanks. It has meaning coming from you. I know you understand. You know loss, not like Scott. You don't pretend to be unaffected like Jackson." Derek sat for a bit, letting the Stiles' strength soak into his bones. He wasn't alone anymore. He could do this. He wasn't 16 again pushing away Laura in a fit of survivor's guilt. He had Stiles. He had his pack. "Now what?" Derek turned to face Stiles, looking like as lost as a child after a nightmare.

"Now we build your house. Together." Stiles said. "And watch YouTube. Lots of it."

The summer between junior and senior year was the best Stiles had in a long time. He and his mother always had adventures and busy days. Then one year it was just him and Scott. It was only the two of them for years, neither popular enough for summer plans. The others in the pack in similar circumstances. Allison didn't stay around long enough to make plans and Lydia and Jackson's families made plans without consent. Stiles and Derek read and watched and googled for hours before getting the materials. The did it step by step from framing to electric to plumbing to hanging drywall to building stairs to putting in windows. Derek bought the supplies, secretly pleased that the insurance, investment, assess money was getting some use, not just growing interest, coming into several millions of dollars was daunting without a purpose especially when part of the blame fell on his shoulders. With every step of the way, Stiles and Derek worked together to make the idea into a house into a home. Stiles layered charms and spells and enchantments and runes and straight ingredients into everything. Protection from water, fire, illness, bad luck, ill-intent, accidents, death, and anything Stiles could think of was woven into every step, from the frame to the paint. The house was built by Stiles and Derek for the pack, for the future, for each other.

"Derek, we need a bigger kitchen. And I think a mudroom will be a good investment with a lever handle door. We have a nice entrance way, where people came come in and hang up their jackets and put away shoes but the back entrance doesn't have anything." Stiles was looking over the blueprints with Derek. He was making notes for when they finalized some decisions.

"Why?" Derek asked.

"You will be housing a pack of teenage/twentysomething werewolves. You need a big enough kitchen and matching pantry to feed a small country." Stiles said, still scribbling notes.

"No." Derek growled. He was running out of patience. He wanted to make this house with Stiles but everyone seemed to have an opinion on something. Which would be fine it he had asked, or if there was some logic but the majority was just annoying.

"You don't want a big kitchen? I mean it is your house." Stiles looked confused but his voice seemed blank, undermined by his pounding heart and cold brittle scent of sadness.

Derek wanted to growl but held back. Derek didn't want to push him away. Derek liked how close they had been getting, his wolf was pleased as well. His wolf had been unusually attached to the young man since the beginning and was originally satisfied but as time went on both Derek and his wolf wanted more and more, not sure what they were asking for. The concern for Stiles' wellbeing, high sensitivity to Stiles' emotion and heartbeat, The willingness to entertain Stiles' commentary and personality and enjoy it, his gaze lingering on Stile' fingers and throat, reveling in the challenges he offered all resonated with Derek as signs pointing to Stiles being his mate but if that was true they would have Mate-Marks.

"It is our house." Derek said. It was all he could give right now, a house where Stiles could be relaxed and happy, Derek would have to accept what he had for right now.

"So, yes big kitchen?" Stiles looked up, Derek just stared back waiting. "Oh! The lever handle is so you can open it with paws."

That is humiliating. And smart. Make it so."

"You did not just make a Star Trek: The Next Generation reference. Are you a closeted nerd?" Stiles poked Derek in the ribs, peering at him suspiciously. Derek stayed silent, glad Stiles couldn't hear his pounding heart. Stiles laughed, head tilted back, cheeks crinkled and mouth open. Derek could only stare and memorize the moment, proud he got Stiles to laugh that easily. Derek could hear the thoughts in his soul: mine, claim, mate. The possessiveness and softness was happening more and more but only around Stiles, further adding to the mate checklist. Derek just enjoyed the moment.

Come on. Let's finish this. I do eventually want to move in, ya know?" Derek tapped the paper with a single claw, trying to remind Stiles-ineffectually-he could rip his throat out with his teeth.

The weekend before senior year found the pack piled in the living room of the recently finished Hale Manor. The pack was well-protected and well-stablished now with Stiles' magic and the 'den' and the bonds that were solidified over the summer. Deaton said the terrors of the years past will not go away but would drastically slow down. The Hale Territory was claimed and the others would understand innately. The plan worked, the band of high school students thrown together by happenstance became a pack, a family. And it showed, in moment like this. They were tightly woven together on a bed of pillows and blankets with a Disney movie playing softly on TV. Stiles looked on and felt his chest warm and his heart flutter. He pulled out his phone and making sure the shutter and flash were off took a few pictures, trying to shove away the sadness and nostalgia. He had been slightly obsessed with taking photos lately, needing proof that the pack had come together, they now had a home not only physically but in one another too. He had done it, he had somehow kept them alive through all the bullshit. They only had one year left together and he didn't want to look back and regret not capturing the memories or being unable to remember the normal days. One day, a year from now he would look up and realize everyone had scattered like seeds on the wind, he wanted to remember. Stiles got up from the chair he was curled up in, he was feeling melancholy didn't want to ruin the mood. Even Derek was on the edge of the puppy pile. He decided to use his favorite goodbye tactic he borrowed from the Irish.

"I can hear you thinking too hard from over here. Come join us. Get comfy. And we can talk, I know something is on your mind." Derek ungracefully shoved the others to make room. It isn't pack night if one person leaves."

Fine." Stiles was a sucker for the pack card. He knew he was pack but not being a wolf meant he couldn't feel the bonds as strongly as the others so he needed reminded sometimes. Stiles slipped in between Derek and the pack, thoughts like: safe, pack, mate, mine. After a few seconds Derek pinched him lightly. "I just don't know hat I am to do next. I did what I was supposed to do. I kept Scott alive, I helped you, I healed the land, solidified the pack. My job is done. This time next year, the pack might be tossed across the country and then what? We come back for weekend and holidays? For how long? Then we just fall apart and I never have this again? I made this family just like each of them did. I can't lose another one." Stiles felt his stomach drop at the cold, bitter, sharp feeling his own words gave him.

"That isn't how this works. A pack this established only gets stronger. No one gets out. There may be distance but not much and not for long. We are too new of a pack for that. You certainly don't get to leave, you are my emissary. You are connected to me and the pack and the land. Don't force ties to break when you don't know the future. There is time, there are options. Enjoy now, before fretting about the future. Talk to them, You'd be surprised to hear you aren't as alone as you think." Derek pulled Stiles closer, tucking him tightly into his embrace. "That is why you get sad after taking photos. You think old memories are all you will have left."

"I would rather leave then be left. I have grow weary of being left." Stiles tried to shrug.

"Don't look too far ahead, you'll miss the now. Make memories to enjoy the moment not resign yourself to only having memories." Derek said. Stiles nodded and snuggled closer, Derek's body heat and voice rumbling in his chest soothing his anxiety. "Go to sleep, Stiles. I'll be right here."

Fall of senior year was calm, content. Stiles and Lydia and Danny were in a heated competition for valedictorian, a contest that was a secret to everyone in school but no one in the pack. Some filled out college applications like Danny, Jackson, Lydia. Some decided to go the technical route like Erica, Boyd. Isaac and Scott were looking at community college. Stiles adopted a forget about it and it doesn't exist attitude. He often pulled out pamphlets or packets only to sort them into piles and then put them away again. He changed the subject when asked about anything dealing with after senior year. The closest he got to talking about it was with Derek one day, by themselves hanging out on a Friday night. He told Derek, he liked magic and the supernatural and being a witch, he might open a shop, take over for Deaton who wanted to be a vet and only a vet. That was the last time he seriously spoke about it. The pack spent full moons together, running and eating dinner and then a sleepover. Slowly each pack member added their own things to the house, a blanket here, a favorite mug there, A sweatshirt draped over a chair, a forgotten pair of shoes left by the front door. Stiles took pictures and cleaned and tutored. He talked a lot without saying much. Derek knew something was on his mind.

"I want you to come over tonight. I told everyone to stay away. We have some things to talk about." Derek texted him one day in October.

Stiles went over, slouched over like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. Derek felt sympathy for the kid.

"Stiles, I know you have been struggling a bit. Understandably so. A lot has happened these past few years. I want you to sit here with me, all night if we have to, and talk over your options. I want you to do what you want to do. I know your dad wants you to go to college and I know you want to open a shop. I think you can do both, and with the way the world works, I think you could make it work. I would gladly help, we can build you a small shop here or something." Derek said. Stiles sagged, eyes lit with relief.

"You don't think it is a dumb idea? Magic isn't well known, and I won't be successful." Stiles said.

"You are right, But people from all over will come if you are good. You will gain a following. I believe you would be a great successor to Alan, if you so choose. I will gladly help you get to that point." Derek said.

"What? I don't even know what I am doing." Stiles rubbed his face. "I can't let you...support me while I decide what I want to do."

"You are running out of time. You didn't hold me up in a pool for two hours for me for me to not learn what kind of person you are. You already made up your mind. You have helped me over and over and over again. Let me help you!" Derek demanded. Stiles threw up his hands, groaning loudly.

"What do you want me to say? That I want to learn all that I can to help you be the best alpha you can be? of the best pack we can be? And if I help other people with things around town or even farther, that would be perfection? That I have no idea what I want to do, but I can't see myself going to university and getting a typical 9-5 job and having 2.5 kids? That you coming in all dark and broody ruined me for all normalcy." Stiles ranted. He was gesturing wildly, pacing in short burst.

"Yeah. That is all I want. Feel better?" Derek, pulled Stiles close, rubbing his nose into his hair. Stiles leaned against him, this time borrowing strength.

"A little. I am glad I finally got to say it aloud. now I have to convince my dad." Stiles said. Derek squeezed him in a side hug.

"We have to convince your dad. You aren't alone, I'm not going anywhere, ever, We're a team." Stiles smiled softly and nodded, relaxing into Derek's grip.

The days and nights grew colder, the wolves handing full moon runs when the humans got the food, hot chocolate and movies ready for their return. Or rather Stiles did, the others just laid about, studying or figuring out how to move into Derek's house without their families noticing. November was quickly finishing and Stiles' favorite time of year was approaching. He had already pulled out the containers of decorations for his own house, trying to figure out how to bring it up to Derek. He wanted to have a pack Christmas, wanted to go out and pick out a tree together, and hang the garlands and argue over where the lights go on the tree, hang up ornaments and behind everyone's back rearrange them. He wanted to get presents for everyone, wrapping them with paper and ribbons and bows.

"Stiles, is something burning?" Scott said coming into the kitchen, kissing Allison on the temple. The other Mates sharing in similar displays of affection. Jackson and Lydia cuddling on a large chair, Erica and Boyd sharing a chaste kiss. Derek walked up to Stiles simultaneously pulling the pan of bacon off the stove and trailing a hand down his jaw to latch into his hair.

"Shit! The bacon. I was distracted. Sorry. It should be fine, I am mixing it to make perogies for you tomorrow. Its Sunday after all." Stiles said softly. He still looked a million miles away, Derek pulled him around ducking slightly to make eye contact.

"Stiles, is something the matter? Are you okay?" Derek asked. After they talked about Stiles' future Stiles had been coming to Derek more and more for support. Derek was more vocal with his thoughts, trying to verbalize emotions. The pack was close, a family but only because the two of them were a solid unit. They knew each other in and out.

Stiles looked nervous, like he didn't know how to ask. Derek just raised an eyebrow. "I want to decorate for Christmas. Here. I want to go and pick out directions and a tree and argue over lights and rearrange the ornaments when no one is looking. I want to agonize for days over the prefect presents. I want to do that, if you are okay with that." Stiles said, in a round of word vomit.

"Okay. I want that too, I was going to ask soon, you just beat me to the punch. How about we pick a day after Thanksgiving to pick out a tree and maybe you can come with me a few days to pick out Christmas decorations, without the children." Derek huffed a laugh into Stiles' temple. "This is your house too, You'll be here just as much as I will be. I want you to do what makes you happy."

"Okay. I'd like that. We can talk about it more later. Let's eat and then tomorrow we can look at some ideas, I want you to be the end all, end all on decisions." Stiles beamed at Derek. He went back to making dinner, leaving the slightly burnt bacon cool off to the side.

Thanksgiving was spent with their families, Derek did join the Stilinksi and McCalll's and Isaac for the big meal, finalizing plans with Stiles on decorations and tree-hunting. They decided on a red, green, gold scheme and more traditional type decorations, simple and minimalistic. Stiles used his internet skills to get some deals on older decorations on craigslist and facebook. They had a few pick-ups scheduled and the time for tree-hunting at a local Christmas tree farm. Derek's only request was it had to be a big tree.

The pack three days later met up and began discussing trees. They were all in agreement, for a tall bushy tree but they couldn't pick a species until an employee showed them the examples and explained the difference. Three hours later and they finally agreed on the perfect tree and were on the way to the house. Stiles made them help him put it up right away so it warms up and the branches drop. The pack then scatters and Stiles and Derek head out and got decorations.

Derek watched Stiles spend the next few days putting the inside decorations in places. Derek helping with a comment here or there, but staying quiet, enjoying having someone to share the holiday with. "Thank you Stiles. I am glad, even though we've been through some shit together, that I have met you. I found myself because of you. I am glad that you are happy here with me." Derek told him.

"Me too. I feel safe here with you. Like I belong here, with you." Stiles said. "I know that wolves have mates obviously when they get introduced to each other, but sometimes when I am with you...you look at me and see me and I feel you..." Stiles shook his head.

"I do too. I am more attuned to you and your scent and heart than anyone in the pack. I can only chalk it up to you doing what would be my mate's job if I had one. I am not sure Stiles but I am not mad about it. Maybe after the holidays we can figure it out." Derek said.

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan." Stiles agreed.

The almost confessions triggered something, Derek became more tactile and protective than ever towards Stiles, Stiles made sure the betas were fed and the house was clean and tutored when needed and gave advice. They had been a unit before but now, Stiles and Derek were barely apart, only for school hours. Stiles' dad at one point asked if he was moving in and Stiles took that as permission and did just that (practically) moved in and also used the opportunity to tell John about his post-school plans. John was hesitant and needed some time to think it over before he could agree and support his son. Stiles did as promised and agonized for days what to get each of his friends. He meticulously wrapped each and every one of them. The one that took the longest to put together was the most important.

Stiles had learned many things over the last two and half years, about the world, himself, his hometown, his local vet. One of those things was his most important secret-he had been in love with Derek Hale for two of those years. It wasn't anything grand or extreme, one day Stiles saw him smile at a joke and decided he needed to do that all the time. Stiles knew that Derek needed somebody in his corner and chose to be that person. He didn't know spending all that time with his dry humor and caring nature and supportive personality would result with him falling in love with the older man but he wouldn't change anything that happened for anything in the world. 'except getting his real family back.' Stiles thought. 'That is it! A photo album. The Hales are a very old and well known family, there should be some photographs floating around.'

Stiles got to work. He went to the library and school paper archives, pulling out back issues of newspapers and yearbooks. He called into several nearby packs, opening the Hale pack up to negotiations in the future and even searched through Beacon Hills residents photos to find any and all of the Hale family memories. He also searched the star registry for a bright one towards the north and named it Talia Hale, so Derek would be able to find a guiding light for the rest of his life.

Stiles spent days putting the album together, finding near 75 photos and newspaper clippings for it. He also framed the star certificate and got a observatory to take very good photos of the star. and framed those as well. He was so focused Stiles forgot that his dad told him family was coming over. He obsessed over ever little detail for his present.

Derek did not fare much better. He had decided on a two part present for Stiles as well. One was a greenhouse/workshop Derek was having built for Stiles and a small business front to turn into a shop. Derek bought the shop and added Sties name to the deed so it was legally his. The greenhouse was going to be built in the spring so it could be used over the summer. Derek knew it might be too much for a friend but Stiles saved his life. Without Stiles, Derek would be alone and devastated and family-less. He fell in love with the whiskey eyes and contagious laughter and selflessness and love and compassion. They may not be Mates but Derek wanted no one else with him in the future, not only as a pack member or an emissary but even more than that. Derek kept his feelings a secret not wanting to push Stiles away.

The 23rd of December was the pack Christmas day. They had a wonderful breakfast and were in their PJ's getting settled and waiting for everyone. Everyone go a seat and the presents were sorted. They went in a circle.

"Derek, can you open my last? I...um..." Stiles said. Derek nodded not commenting on the obvious nerves.

"Only if you open mine last too." Derek said. Stiles nodded smiling gratefully. They went around and opened presents; clothes and make up and a few books for the girls, the boys got video games and comics and clothes. Honestly it was a good first Christmas as friends.

all that was left was Derek's present from Stiles and vice versa. The pack watched in silence. Neither moved.

"Please go first." Stiles pleaded. Derek looked between the presents left on his lap and Stiles. Derek picked up what Stiles knew to be the album. Derek gently pulled the paper off pausing in confusion. He looked up at Stiles again who waved at him to continue. He opened the book, the front page being a family picture of the Hales for the work Talia did to create the preserve.

"Stiles, is this..."Derek couldn't finish.

"Yeah It is. A Hale Pack photo album. Took me a while to make it. Think it was an idea even before I knew it." Stiles explained. Derek thought of the all the photos Stiles had taken recently and flipped to the back pages, glossy photos of his current family lined the pages. The last phot was a picture of him and Stiles cuddling on a pack night, the note below was in Allison hand, You both deserve love and happiness no matter who it comes from..

"Thank you Stiles. Thank you." Derek knew somehow in his soul, that was Stiles showing his love for him, without saying. Words took courage, and that wasn't easily found in front of others. "Open yours. The bottom one. Please."

Stiles did as he asked, opening the bottom one, a square shaped box. He opened it to see a copy of a building deed sitting in tissue paper. "Der-Derek. You didn't...Not the-" Stiles' voice broke. He scent blooming with tears and pleasure.

"That place on Pine you've been dreaming about for two months? Why, yes it is." Derek tried to play it off as funny.

"This isn't funny. I told you I didn't want you help." Stiles tried to sound stern. Derek only shook his head.

"I told you to let me help. I did. Also it is technically half mine. But you have a place now. You can actually do it." Derek said. The pack made noises of confusion.

"I am not going to university. I am doing online classes but I am opening a magic shop and taking over for Deaton and becoming Hale Pack Emissary. Derek just bought my dream location." Stiles announced to cheers from the pack. Stiles knew in that moment that is how it felt knowing someone loved you enough to give you want you needed not just what you wanted. He knew how it felt to know someone loved him enough to stand with him not out of obligation but actual love and desire to do so.

They opened the other presents with similar reactions.

"A greenhouse? Seriously? and a workshop?" Stiles was dumbfounded.

"You named a literal star after my mother. A. Star." Derek was flabbergasted.

The rest of the pack sensed it was time to leave, the two men had a lot to discuss-least of all their emotions. The pack began piling out trying not to overhear the conversation.

"Derek, I can't accept this. I really can't. It may be all I ever wanted but I can't let you give it to me. We talked about this, I am filling in. If I was meant to be this important, we'd be mates." Stiles said.

"You aren't a fill in. Do you think I would give you up for someone I don't know? I would never. No relationship will ever be more important than our to me. You say this is all you ever wanted? You can have it!" Derek said.

"This isn't something I can take, you may change your mind, or find someone better. This is something to dream and hope for. Let me dream and hope, so I don't get hurt." Stiles sounded sad and broken. Derek made a soft wounded noise.

"You are it for me. I built you a goddamn house Stiles. I tore down my last memory of my family for you. We have almost died for each other too many times to count for you to back out now." Derek said. Stile growled and shuffled trying to think of an argument. He was saved by his dad coming down the road in a hurry. The pack was spilled on the porch trying to look like they hadn't been listening.

"Scott, where is Stiles?" John called. Stiles and Derek came out at the sound of his voice. "Mieczyslaw Stilinski! You were supposed to by home an hour ago! We have family coming in today remember!" John yelled, standing against his open car door.

"I'll be right there!" Stiles blanched. "I can't believe I forgot." He turned to Derek. "We aren't done here, mister."

"Your first name is really Mieczyslaw?" Derek asked. He didn't want Stiles leaving while angry, it made it anxious.

"Yep! Mieczyslaw Stilinski. Please to meet you Derek Hale!" Stiles understood what Derek was going for without him saying like most times.

"Please to meet you too." Derek chuckled before a sharp pain brought him and Stiles to their knees.

Several painful minutes later, Stiles was laughing hard enough he had tears streaming down his face. He left hand was clamped over his shirt collar, knuckles white. Derek stared openmouthed. John and the rest of the pack stood confused and worried.

"Did what I think happen just actually happen?" Scott asked.

"We'd never been formally introduced. Definitely not with my first name. Mate-Marks only form when properly introduced." Stiles moved his hand to show the large wolf print marking his upper chest and collarbone.

Derek laughed. and laughed and laughed before swooping down and pressing a slightly desperate kiss onto Stiles' lips. "Guess we won't have to discuss the shopfront or greenhouse later, mate." Derek grinned goofily at Stiles who could help but smile back just as dopey.

"Guess not" Stiles said. "I guess not."

Both of them could feel the calmness and happiness in their souls for finding their mates. Derek's wolf stopped shifting anxiously as it had been for months, finally calming down for Derek to relax. Both of them filled to the brim: safe, mate, mine, forever.

#teen wolf #sterek #derek hale x stiles stilinski #Sterek as mates #family as pack #hale pack #alpha derek hale x stiles

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choicesenthusiast · 4 years

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Open Heart 2, Ch. 12 AKA Recovery

What happened this week:

A few days after the incident, you’re discharged from the hospital, so visit Rafael at his lovely grandmother’s where she peppers you with snacks in true Brazilian grandmother fashion, and learn that he’s recovering from the incident okay. Except if you go on a walk with him, you learn that he’s also dealing with a lot of survivor’s guilt, and after months of absence and a near-death experience, finally kiss him again. Hopefully this confirms his reinstatement as an LI!

Show up at the cemetery for that funeral scene, for Danny and Bobby. The memorial is just as sad and heartbreaking as you’d expect. Characters are crying. Readers are crying. Everyone’s crying.

At the reception, check up on Sienna, who’s taking this loss especially hard, for good reason. I really want to spend more time with her, especially since she was the closest with Danny. Exploring her reaction would be an excellent direction to take the story (if they can even clean up the 2598 other plots in this book), and may even be a great time for some good social commentary on mental health. Actually, said social commentary can fit in anywhere in this book, and it would be a shame if PB didn’t take this opportunity at all.

Urged to do something, ask Ethan to get over his rivalry and pitch Aurora’s hospital collaboration idea to the board to save both hospitals. Even offer up your job if it saves more people.

Take your LI home (minus Raf), where they break down emotionally, a rare sight for these LIs, and finally do the horizontal tango in a moment of complete emotional vulnerability. That’s right, everyone, the long awaited 30-diamond scene with 75% of the LIs! *Insert 10 million “Congrats on the sex!” gifs*

Remember your landlord, Farley? He sent you flowers earlier. Anyways, he has a suspicious looking rash on his wrist, and you offer to get it checked out pro bono, which means you’ll have to return to the hospital for the first time since the accident. I wonder how it’ll go. I guess we don’t have to wait long to find out.

Thoughts:

The LIs of this book are truly EliteTM and I’m so, so happy finally they’re getting their balanced screen time. If the first half of this book went the way it seems to be heading now in terms of LI treatment then we really could have had it all.

Don’t worry Raf stans, at least when you (hopefully) get your scene, he won’t be wheezing through it. Or maybe he will, for a different reason. Haha.

They changed a lot of the narration from the first chapter. I don’t know if I noticed because the first version resonated more with me, but the line about MC looking at the paper and seeing “They say that the people you love are never really gone” was removed. And initially there was only going to be one casket (any guesses on who it was supposed to be? That’s right). I did like the writing in the first one better, though.

Seeing everyone dealing with the trauma and the emotion really hurt hard. Seeing stoic Ethan’s fear, and the always-confident Bryce and Jackie break down in front of you, Sienna angry at the world despite being the most optimistic person in the book, Elijah and Aurora, and Raf and MC’s survivor’s guilt. It was heavy.

Remembering that the funeral was initially meant for Raf made me a whole lot sadder. Imagine the gang crying over him instead? Actually, don’t imagine that. We avoided a huge bullet.

Could MC’s recovery be symbolic of this book’s recovery back into the series we know and loved? Absolutely. Who let me get into the dumb metaphor and symbolism cabinet again? But I’m seriously excited for what’s in store for this book. Things seem to be heading up, and one can only hope for the best.

#this week on choices #playchoices #choices stories you play #open heart

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they-callme-ami · 4 years

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Playing with Fire, Part 1 (Tobias x Fem!MC)

Word count: 1030

@kingliamsbitch @theeccentricbibliophile @aylamwrites

@matsuosdique @tyrils-star @this-person-is-busy

You never expected to be in this scenario. You walked closer, approaching him from behind. It had been months since the attack had happened, but that wasn’t the start of these feelings. This was a years’ worth of pent up feelings. You were a dam ready to explode, so you decided to open the floodgates.

“Tobias? Can we talk?” you placed a hand on him, and in those moments, the events of your year came crashing back down. Where did it all start? Oh yeah...it started at the diner.

You and Aurora had just gone out for a bite to eat. Next thing you know, into action, and that wasn't the worst part---you'd never complain about saving a life. But, then he showed up and ignited something inside of you.

"...both did great in there.....want a change of pace….our trauma needs more cool and motivated doctors…."

You couldn't focus on his words, clearly directed at Aurora. Just him. He had light brown skin you imagined would turn bronze in the sun….his eyes looked like pools of fire, with freckles peppered around his nose that looked like the ashes. He caught a glimpse at you and smiled, and you could only watch him drive off.

The next time you saw him---that euphoria you felt? That heart-beat-skipping feeling? Screw that. Tobias Carrick was the definition of a fuckboy. Not the irritating, dick-pic sending, ruin your credit kind, no no no. The kind with a stupidly cocky smirk, teasing you constantly and getting on every nerve you had. And he was a doctor--so this prick knows every single nerve you have. And he definitely knew it too; competing against you for patients....but it allowed you to see him more often. Trying so hard to tease you and rile you up using Aurora against you…..even if it did get you riled up in other ways, seeing him put Ethan in his place. Ethan told you about what an ass he was in college too, sounded like he had a big head and a bigger ego….though, some of his pranks sounded utterly hilarious. Oh, but what really got you ticked off? That fucking softball game.

First off, who the hell looked that good in orange--bright ass Garfield orange at that. Second off, trying to chat you up while you grab some water was just so cliche...so cliché you almost choked while he seemed to flirt with you. You should have just ignored him, but you kept thinking with your emotions and not your head.. Why-- why did you keep staring at those damn fiery eyes? Why did you stare at those eyes that made you want to hold him...made you want to pour your heart out of all the stress that you’d endured...made you want him. This fool was about to make you act up in front of everyone on the field---you’d never chugged water so fast in your life. You never wanted to see that man again. Until you did.

“Save it, Ethan. This is bigger than anything going on between us or our hospitals. Valentine’s not dying on our watch.” That voice shook you out of spiraling. You looked at Aurora, god, that woman was an angel. No really--you had to have died already if Tobias was putting aside his ego and rivalry for you. He looked at you with those eyes...the fire inside of them was for you, determination to save you.

“I knew you were a good guy deep down. Like deep down. Very, very deep down.” You teased and walked up to the glass between you, your friends...and Tobias.

He chuckled and smiled, “Don’t go telling nobody.” Despite his cocky grin upon his face...you could sense the sadness in his voice. It hurt, seeing those normally fiery eyes strained with anguish and fear. Tobias Carrick--fearful? You definitely were dying if he was scared...but you held in there. You looked at the bed Rafael had been in...you thought about Danny too...so much Danny had wanted to do, but he died just as he lived: helping people. And Raf....and what if he couldn’t pull through either? Sora...his grandmother...your friends...it’d break them. Same for you...you had just spent weeks and weeks ignoring and rejecting Tobias to focus on saving Edenbrook, barely seeing any of your friends in that time either….was it worth it? What if you never said goodbye to your loved ones? ……What if...what if you never saw those pools of fire again? The thought of never even giving it a chance, so focused on your work and helping others...there was never a moment for yourself since you entered Edenbrook. If, no--When you and Raf got through this, you weren’t going to do this anymore. You were going to go after what you wanted.

“Yes? Dr. Valentine...you needed to ask me something?” Tobias pulled you back to the present. You smiled...your hands cupped his cheeks, just the soft fuzz of stubble against them, and leaned in to softly kiss him. It was innocent enough, but it conveyed something you couldn’t have said in words either. His hands grabbed onto your waist and his arms enraptured you full on as the two of you embraced and kissed. Just as slow as it happened, it slowly ended as well...the two of you looked at one another, your eyes gazing into his hazel ones.

“Not...not that it was bad….but the hell was that Valent--”

“Would you like to go out to dinner when your shift is over, Tobias? And...it’s Casey.” You smirk and run your hands down his arm as you pull away. “I’m free at 8 and...I’m tired of you giving me the runaround, dummy.”

He snorted a bit and laughed, covering his mouth. “Don’t ever call me a dummy again--and….and..” he grabs your hands and licks his lips before he says, “I’d love to see you tonight.”

The both of you smiled at one another...it was clear now, just how much you needed those fiery eyes in your life.

#tobias carrick #open heart tobias #OH tobias #tobias open heart #tobias x mc #choices open heart #open heart #open heart 2 #choices open heart 2 #choices #pb choices #playchoices #choices stories you play #choicesgame #fanfic

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transmage · 4 years

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a short and unedited character exploration for my mc vincent from @smokeandvelvet-cog‘s game, feat. a likely ooc nico 😂 really though, this game is super good so far, and it inspired me to break out of my months long writing block. check it out if you’re into mysteries, horror, and playable monsters!! actual writing below the cut.

It starts as an itch at the back of your skull. A nagging; someone tugging at a snagged fishing line, desperately trying to reclaim the lure instead of cutting the wire but it holds fast, clinging to whatever it’s latched onto in the murky depths.

You are still underwater.

With a frown you set the plant back on your desk. It seems to stare at you, mockingly, as if it knows the memory you don’t. As if it knows all your secrets.

Your frown deepens. Stupid thing. Stupid needy thing, complaining one minute about too much sun, the next not enough, too much water, too little water, poor soil quality… Why’d you buy it again?

…Right. You’d figured it’d be something “homey” that wouldn’t give away anything personal; after all it’s just a plant, but apparently you were wrong, apparently plants can be pompous and lord all your stolen memories over you.

Geez. Okay. Get a grip.

You turn pointedly away from it, squinting out the window instead, as if ignoring its presence will teach it a lesson, make it less smug. This is what you’ve come to, huh. Mental arguments with a peace lily. Maybe Nico should mark this down on your medical chart. Or maybe you shouldn’t be thinking about Nico at all, given the history between you two that he can remember and you can’t.

Sometimes you wish he would just pretend to not know you at all. That’d be easier to deal with than the sadness you see when he smiles at you. You’re not sure what you are to him — a ghost? A criminal? Damaged goods?

…What were you before?

He’s never said. You suspect he never will. A memory to haunt him while the absence haunts you, you suppose. You wish you knew if you had been a different person before the…incident. Kinder, perhaps? Friendlier? Though that’s not exactly the type of person the world has hammered you out to be. Maybe you haven’t changed at all. Maybe that’s why Nico looks at you with those sad eyes; still an asshole, after everything.

Your breath is heavy with a sigh as you lift a palm to rub at your eyes. It’s been nearly a year and you’re frustrated. Constantly. No closer to answers, no closer to comfort. You can’t even sleep these days. Thank you, trauma-induced nightmares. Really pumping the adrenaline back into life, huh? Because getting nearly mauled to death by a rougarou wasn’t enough.

A sharp pain pulses through your side at the thought, leaving you wincing, a clawed hand instinctually lowering over the scars you’ll likely have for the rest of your life. If it hadn’t been for your damn fevers and the infuriating fact that you couldn’t use your fire for risk of being sent back to the Yard —

There’s a knock at the door.

You recognize the scent before you open it — Nico. Of course. Like some damn psychic. You swear, if he asks how you’re feeling one more time…

“Vincent?”

Your hand pauses on the door knob and you wonder, briefly, if he ever used to call you Van. …Stupid thought. Stupid nickname. Stupid assumption of intimacy. You open the door a moment later, attempting to plaster on a neutral expression, but your tail is bristled in a guarded display of defense — hopefully Nico isn’t that up to date on hellhound body language.

And if he is, he doesn’t show it. Doesn’t even look down. He has to look up slightly to see your face anyway, his expression as neutral as yours. Neither of you usually keep it that way when in the presence of each other — you’re far too adept at pushing his buttons. Getting on everyone else’s nerves has kind of become your thing.

“Yes…?”

There’s a long beat of uncomfortable silence. He seems reluctant to speak further.

“…I wanted to check in. You left ab—”

Your groan is loud enough to interrupt him, and you roll your eyes, fighting back the urge to slam the door in his face. “I’m fine. It was just a headache. I don’t need you constantly hovering, okay? You and the others can quit with all your glances, I’m not some glass doll, Nico.” The last words roll into a growl, echoing in the back of your throat, your lips unintentionally curling upwards to expose sharp canines.

Nico, for his part, seems unimpressed by the display. You can hear the stifled sigh, the brief close of his eyelids as if to regain composure. Tired. He’s tired. Of you? Well, who wouldn’t be?

“Is it really that hard for you to accept that I — we — care about your wellbeing.”

“Yes.” You thought that was obvious.

Your tail raises slightly. Nico does glance down at that, his lips pursing into a tight line for a moment, some emotion crossing his face you can’t read.

“Are you in pain?”

The new approach throws you off guard. You don’t answer, and fuck, there’s those sad eyes again, as if he can’t help but look at you and see…two different people.

“Danny’s making lunch. You should join us.”

Some type of non-committal grunt is your only response. Nico seems to take it as the end of the conservation, and you waste no time in closing the door in confirmation. A deep exhale follows the click of the knob locking into place, and you press your forehead against the wood as your eyes flutter shut.

Abrasive. Aggressive. A hundred different adjectives for unlikeable you could apply to yourself, yet Nico keeps trying. Fatima and Danny do too, you realize dimly. Isla likely doesn’t care one way or another how you act. Still, you wish they’d just give up and let you rot in this room to —

No, you don’t.

Oh, come on. Was that the goddamn plant? You whip your head around to glare at the unassuming thing. Alright, maybe it’s official. You’re losing your mind. This lily is about to become your therapist. What joy.

Go join them for lunch and maybe you’ll calm down.

“Oh, are you really about to patronize me?” Shut up Van, don’t fucking talk back to it.

It resumes its smug silence. Somehow, that’s worse. You press your palms against your eyes and rub your fingers over the fur on your head — fine. Fine! You’ll go to lunch. You’ll socialize.

What’s the worst that could happen?

#my writing #smoke and velvet #smoke & velvet cog #vincent tag #this isn't even GOOD but man it felt so good to actually write something again instead of staring at a blank document #and it's been ages since i posted something here #i'm quickly becoming very attached to my hellhound lmao even if he's an aggressive asshole

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sueboohscorner · 3 years

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#Bull - Season 5 Episode 7 "The Head of The Goat" - Review and Breakdown

The Review of Bull Season 5 Episode 7 - The Head of The Goat

Hello and Welcome Back, Bull Fans and Long-time viewers of my content; I hope you are well and healthy this week. As I have re-watched the latest episode that I base this review upon. I wanted to come into my review and write my thoughts on the episode and create a discussion about the show’s seventh installment at large. This review is going to cover Episode 7 of Season 5 of Bull. Season 5 Episode 7 of Bull gave more development in Benny, Bull, and Izzy's character arc. And we finally get some more information about Issy and what she has been doing in the past since we have met her again in Season 4.

In this review, I will be tackling the character and relationship development that is happening in this episode. Towards the end of the review, I will give my final thoughts of the episode, and I think it could happen in the next couple of Bull episodes. As always, let me know in the comment section below. Or on Social Media @tvfanaticau (#ad) of all platforms. Hey Bull writers, can we have more scenes of Bull and Issy not in bed together? Because I feel like I have to start a drinking game and take a shot of when they are in bed together. (P.S. I don’t condone binge drinking alcohol just wanted to make this point.)

But anyway, enough about my drinking game for Bull and Issy, let’s dive into the seventh’s installment of Season 5 of Bull. “The Head of The Goat.”

Episode 7 - Plot Overview

"Bull and Benny mount a difficult federal trial defense for a young mother accused of aiding and abetting her extremist husband in an act of domestic terrorism. When the controversial case makes news, Benny’s commitment to TAC complicates his burgeoning political career." -- Show Junkies. 2021

Character Development of Episode 7 - “The Head of The Goat”

This week was a chance for the Bull writers to give meaning and context to the Benny running for the DA’s office and the relationship between Bull and Issy. And the relationship between Benny and Bull.

In the first two sections of my review, we will be looking at the character + the relationship development for this episode. What I think can happen in the next couple of episodes for Bull and The TAC Team in the future.

1. Benny

As we move closer to Benny running for DA’s office, we can see that Benny is becoming more confident in his approach. In the courtroom. And for what he believes, everyone shows get a day in court. And so when his friend and his sister come to see him in his office. We get to see that confidence that we know and love from Benny. And with that ending scene for the episode, we get to see that all of Benny’s hard work has paid off. So I hope that in the next couple of Bull episodes, we get to see more of this storyline for the character arc as I am really enjoying this arc for Benny.

2. Issy

As YM was brought on as a series regular for the show, I wondered what the Bull writers were going to be doing with this arc for Issy as we have to see her go through several things over the past with Bull and Her Brother. As so, I like this more relaxed version of Issy.

With Baby Bull's addition to the mix, I think that there is has been a chance to reconnect with her family. Because in the earlier seasons of the show, we see Issy is distant from her Brother and maybe other family members. Due to the trauma of her divorce and the miscarriage that she suffered.

But I hope we get to see more of the current version of Issy and that we have to see her becoming her own person again after having baby bull.

3. Bull

As we have discussed, we have seen some reconnection as a family for the Bull and Colon Family. In Issy’s section. But I want to talk about how Bull feels about the changes in his company, what the writers and MW will achieve on the show.

Now I believe Bull is still was reluctant for Benny to take the job in the beginning. I think by the end of this week’s episode, we can see that Bull has seen that Benny is ready to take the next step forward in his career. Bull needs to step back and let Benny complete the task at the head. I hope for Bull in the next couple of episodes, and we get to see that change for Bull and Benny.

The Relationship Development of Episode 7 - “The Head of The Goat “

As I have discussed the key character development in Season 5, Episode 7, let’s dive into more of the other side of the show, the relationships in Bull.

1. Bull and Issy

Season 5 for Bull and Issy has been a relaxed ride for this relationship in terms of the reconnecting and the communication they have. But we have not seen some of that witty banter that I know them for on the show. And in this episode, we get to see that again as we move through the show's season. I hope that the Bull writers will give the audience or fans of these relationships some more scenes outside of the bedroom. But I love this couple together, so I will take what scenes that they have together gladly.

2. Bull and Benny

I know some people are in Benny's camp leaving the show; that is not the case at the moment. These two are, I think are on the same path for the promotion that Benny so deserves. But I still think that Bull will be more reserved still as if he is about to lose his friend to an important job. Again, I hope writers will pull it off as I have been liking the storyline surrounding Benny and Bull and the TAC Team.

3. Benny and Issy

From Season 1, Episode 1 of the show, we have known that Benny’s sister married his best friend in Bull, and I think they were on the outs with each other as brother and sister, now fast forward a couple of seasons and a niece to the picture. I think that they have become more of a brother and sister again. When this episode came out, I loved the development of the relationship that they are going to work together to help Benny’s campaign. I love that relationship and interactions, so I hope that Bull writers and showrunners give us more future episodes.

4. Bull and The Tac Team

During My Review last week, I look at the Bull and The TAC Team’s relationship, and from what I can gather that from this week’s episode, we got little to no development on the team; for instance, it was more focused on Benny, Bull, and Issy. But I expect that in the next couple of the coming episodes, I think we are going to explore this side of the relationship that Bull has with his employees.

The Defense Strategy of Episode 7, “The Head of The Goat”

As we have a look at the relationships explored in this episode. I think we will see more in the future with some other established relationships on the show soon. I would look at the defense strategy used to move the case forward and get the trial's intended outcome.

Defense Strategy.

This week’s defense strategy was not as laid out for the audience as normal, or I could not find it in my rewatching on the show’s episode. I think it’s an innocent to prove guilty strategy. Please let me know in the comment section below or on Social Media that I may have got it wrong and let me know the actual strategy.

The Moments of The Head of The Goat

The Best Moments of The Episode.

The finest moment is shouting out to the pre and post-production team to produce the program to the crowd every moment it is on the broadcast. Freddy was the standout actor on the show’s seventh installment of the fifth season. In specific, the Benny that we know and love goes to town on a witness in question. Some of the minor moments that Bull and Issy shared through the episode, including the bedroom scene. A moment, Chuck being on the side in the courtroom and going to town on the witness. Also, I would like to mention that the new actor who played the wife stood her ground in the episode overall.

Emotional Moments

I like to add the section in my reviews and show those tear-jerker moments on the show's sentimental side. During this week’s episode for me, anyhow, there were no emotional moments to talk about. Hopefully, we will get to see those moments in the coming episodes.

The Cringe moments

As the title suggests, there were moments on the show’s installment this week. Are the following, the awkward scene between Benny and his friend at the DA’s office. A cringe moment is the bedroom scene with Bull & Issy. I am seriously thinking of a drinking game for every time an identical scene comes on.

As we leave those moments in the episode, lets' get into my final thoughts on the episode. I think to happen in the next couple of episodes concerning character & relationship arcs that have been established.

Overall Thoughts and Opinions on The Episode

Bull Season 5 Episode 7 was a perfect addition to the story canon of the show. For myself, it was one of the strongest episodes so far of the season. It provided an understanding of how some storylines are going to happen going forward in season 5.

In the next couple of episodes, we are to see further of these storylines shine through. I hope to see the development that they promised us in press interviews for season 5. Moving forward, I think we will see this story come to be a large one for Benny and Bull and Issy.

So going forward, I hope that the bull writers are going to give Danny a storyline that is true of her character. Has she been the one character that I have been waiting for that development since season 2 of the show? They have not developed the press release for Episode 8 of Season 5. We are to see things may wait on or taken by surprise.

I want to make a note to my viewers and The Bull production team that I have been enjoying this season more than previous seasons, as I feel like the show has returned to its roots in Season 1, that we have become to know and love about the show. And I believe that Season 5 of Bull has had more major character & relationship development so far.

Overall Rating of the Episode: 7.5/10

Until Next Time, I will See you Later.

The Woman Who Writes TV Reviews.

#CBS #CBS Bull #Michael Weatherly #Dr.Jason Bull #Freddy Rodriguez

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yezzbub · 3 years

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Idk what this is supposed to be, but I guess this is close to my own character analysis, review and reaction to Between Two Worlds! This is so late but I believe that it's better late than never😂 I'll also try to be as objective as possible (but I think that's gonna be hard especially when I talk about Philip/Phillip😂)

Again this is only about what I think and how I interpreted the series and the characters, no hate lol AND this is really long I swear by the stars :>

A. Title

Okay, so the title 'Between Two Worlds' initially made me think that it's gonna be about two people living in two different worlds and upon watching, I could say I'm partially right😂 so I like how it's suppose to symbolise the lives of two different families living in two different worlds. And when I say worlds it's not literally Earth and Mars, what I meant is like worlds as in how they live their lives.

So the Walfords are in the upper-class of society, they are rich, powerful, famous and feared especially because of their patriarch, Phillip. Their lives include deceiting, scaring, and messing with the lives of other people for their gain and pleasure🥺🥺🥺 in short, this fam is really problematic and chaotic😅

On the other hand, the Greys live a simple life in a simple house in a simple village. They have a loving family, yes, they had problems but it's normal for a family to have some problems.

B. Music

I really really love the music. That piano (I think it's piano) thing that is playing in the opening of every episode gives me the chills, the goosebumps. It makes me feel so many emotions like excitement, fear, and thrill,like it leaves me on the edge of my seat😂😭😂

C. Settings/Location

Deym, the location fits the story. I noticed that the main locations are their homes, it's where they mostly spend their scenes so I'm gonna focus on that. That high-rise apartment where the Walfords live screams privilege, fame, power and wealth. They are indeed powerful, they are at the top of the food-chain lol and they live at the top part of that apartment, a symbolism of their place in society _which is at the top. _I'm pretty sure their place makes them act like how they act all through out the series🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️.

On the other hand, the Greys' residence is located in a village(?) or subdivision of some sorts which I think is a simple place and a simple house symbolising their simple life that is away from the drama, away from the spotlight. Simple life gives simple problems I suppose😂😭😂😭😂

D. Families: an overview lolzz (Walfords, Greys, Konigs)

So like I've mentioned, the first two families seem to be the exact opposite of one another. Again, for me, the Walfords are so chaotic and so problematic🥺 the actions they did to one another just don't sit right with me, I think it's so twisted. Like it makes me realize how the grudges that people hold against others could make them act like that. It baffles me so much how they could even do that to each other?😳🥺 Are you so so hurt and so mad that you'll let your husband die in front of you and that you would just sit and chill on the stairs while he's suffering? And are you so hurt and so angry with your wife that you would imprison her in a cage so you could get back at her🥺 these people needs to chill and I think they need to let go of their grudges🥺😭🥺😭

For the Greys, well what can I say...they are pretty much normal, like they are how a family should be, what I could call the ideal. Again, they had problems but that problems were addressed and somehow solved🥺 I just like how the matriarch seems to be a perfect mother with a perfect relationship with her kids and the people around her but she's really like everyone else. She made mistakes and she wasn't even aware of the impact of her actions/words to her kids until her daughter mentioned it 🥺 but what I admire the most about her is that she's willing to take responsibility for her actions and to make amends(which I think the Walfords lack hehe)

Lastly, the Konigs. One word to summarize my thoughts about them: ugh. As much as how the Walfords have made a really bad impression on me, I think that these Konigs are worse than them lmao😂😭😂 this fam consists of the dad who is an unfaithful son of a gun who screwed the Walford matriarch and his hoho own daughter. The mom has some mental illness I'm not really sure about the specific illness which made her go to rehabs and kindaaaa drug dependent, and lastly, the daughter, she is a sly and a bad bitch with bad motives connected to bad people. I feel bad for the Konig youngling tho🥺 she's a bitch but I think no one deserves to be treated like how she was treated by her own father...that's a real disgusting act🥺😭🥺 so yeah, ugh.

E. Characters

Imma focus on them 👆 bec why not

1. Phillip Walford 👀👀

My babe, He is the Walford patriarch, he is a rich bastard who heads the Walford empire or whatever, who also suffers from a heart condition that he eventually needed to undergo a heart transplant. He's vicious and cruel and he's an I don't give a shit about your feelings kind of bastard. A man who probably suffered a lot from the trauma he had from his childhood oh poor bub😭😭 I also have every reason to hate him but I don't because I feel bad for him and his face and emotions,, it just makes me wanna hug him lol😂😭😭

He's like "I'm actually a nice guy but don't fuck with me" kind of man. He's also nosy and he sticks his nose to other people's businesses (Bella's plastic surgery) but I think he hates it when other people stick their noses in his business😂😂I love his sassy remarks and his nonchalant attitude especially towards his wife. He has reasonsss, he does that to punish her for something she had done years years ago that was something hehe quite unforgivable but hoho I could feel it and I could see it...I could feel that he is a jealous man who is in dire need of love and affection. That maybe he's actually still craving for her love and affection...but too bad, years of hostility towards each other had slowly burnt away the love they actually have for each other🥺

I like how he felt so bothered after the heart transplant because he felt that he's changing, he's getting softer, and getting more humane which he doesn't like because he thinks that his enemies would exploit that weakness against him🙄 I like how the badness and viciousness is so engraved to his bones and soul that the mere softness he's suddenly showing to those who surrounds him scares him a lot like a lot...

I also think that he really wants to forgive his wife,,,,but maybe his stubborn pride is hindering him from completely forgiving her...I also think that the reason he went out of his way to find his donor is, make a foundation for Danny, and like he really wanted to meet the Greys is because he somehow sees his ideal family when looking at them,,,it's like his what if, and a _I wish _and I think that's sad🥺😭🥺😭

This baby would have his world torn apart if he knew what his wife schemed on him

2.Cate Walford

She's Phillip's wife. I feel sorry for her especially for the first few episodes because her husband does not show her affection and love,,,he doesn't give her his time,,, he's giving her a hard time,,,and when she thought another man is giving her what she craves for,,,,her husband drove this man to his death or so they all thought lolzz I also like how she is actually a caring person, friend, mom, and wife👀👀

I know she did something unforgivable, she watched her husband have a heart attack, BUT she was initially really worried, she panicked like "Oh no, my husband is having a heart attack. What do I do?" Then she remembered that Phillip drove someone to their own death so she went ".....maybe you deserve to die, monster, how does it feel like tasting your own medicine you gave to others??" I don't forgive her for that tho hehe but that gave me a glimpse to what kind of person she really is.

Also, she's a very lucky woman and I'm veryyyy jealous because she has Phillip, a business tycoon and very jelly husband and eventually Dr. Julian, a well-known cardiologist, as her number two👀👀 I like her tandem with Sandra and I just went 🥺😭 when she opened up to her, like a girl talk of some sorts, it must have been so hard for her to keep all her thoughts and her regrets only to herself for a very long time. She's also pretty clever in a sly way because she schemed a plan against her husband to bring him back. Like bring her old husband back, the loving and caring Phillip Walford👀👀 she's determined to have their love back🥺🥺 BUT I JUST KNOW HELL WOULD BREAK LOSE IF AND WHEN PHILLIP FINDS OUT HER SCHEME HOHO

3. Bart Walford

He's the Walford heir and he's handsome but not as handsome as Phillip lol👀👀👀 he's wise and at the same time dumb🤭🙄 Wise because it would probably take some skills and some brains to appease investors to invest in their company and he did that when Phillip wasn't around. Dumb because he fell in love with a bitch with bad motives and he can't see it!!! 😔😔He loves her so much, he's basically blind ugh🥺🥺🥺

But I do admire how he's so ready to face and fight the whole world for Georgia,,, he'll do everything for her,,,he tries so hard to understand everything about her,,,his world seems to revolve around her and I think that's sooo bad😔👀👀 I mean I don't think that you really should make a person your world because if that person betrays and leaves you, your whole world will crumble apart and you're basically fucked🥺😭

As a 'son' , well,,,,he's a pretty nice who helps his 'father' scheme something to bring down threats for their business🤭👀 I like how defiant and fearless he could get when he got fed up with Phillip😂😭😂😭 I also like his relationship with his mom, they're closer than I initially thought and that he even helped her against Phillip🤭👀 so I therefore conclude that badness is not really innate in a person lolol😂😭😂😭

4. Georgia Konig

Ohoho,,, one word to describe her: bitch🙄 she's so good at manipulating people around her to get and do what she wants. She appeals to the emotions of people around her, making them feel sorry for her. I hate her so much. On top of that, she killed her own father,,, I wouldn't really blame her, he's really disgusting...

She wants to get a part of the Walfords' riches so she paved her way in through Bart. I just hate her so much because she's taking advantage of his feelings towards her🙄 little baby doesn't deserve to be treated like that, little baby deserves to be loved for real

To be honest,,, I don't really think she really loves him. I'm pretty sure that she feels something towards Bart but it's not real love, maybe she does like him a lot but she doesn't really really love him. She's just sticking with Bart because of his inheritance because she wants to have some of it and since she knows he's really into her...well,she took advantage of him🙄😭

I like her dry remarks tho, maybe it's just me but she makes me snort and chuckle sometimes. I also like her voice cause I think it's beautiful and really seductive, and really suitable for her character. She plays crazy pretty well for me too👀👀

5. Sandra

Oh, one of my favorite characters! Deym, she is so precious and I love her so much! She is a nurse that worked for the Walfords for a few months. She is bubbly, nice, loving, caring, and fearless. She puts the arrogant and stubborn ass of his boss in place which I love the most! She's not afraid to talk back to Phillip lol😂😭😂😭 she even called him an over privileged white man with anger issues when he's too stubborn while she's caring for him,,, that line was gold😭✊

Behind her smiles and witty remarks, she's actually going through something very hard in her life. Her son got disabled after getting involved in a skateboarding accident, her husband left them because of guilt, and since then she's been taking care of him🥺 which makes the working for the Walfords situation a saving grace for them.

Together with Cate, they schemed something against Phillip. They made him think that he has Danny's heart. She doesn't really want to fool the old man but because she was promised a fortune,,, for her son,,, even if the means weren't good,,, she said yes. It just shows her big respect and big trust on Cate, but I think, however close they are,,, fooling people isn't just in her moral compass so she'd probably get guilty about it😔

6. Sophia Grey

First off,, I think she's a great mom. I like how she really exerted effort to make the right things even if it costs her a lot. However,,apparently she has a trait which makes her act like everything is about her when it's actually not BUT atleast she could swallow her pride and she would actually try to make things right, which I think, deserves an applause👏👏 I mean that's rare for a parent to admit they're wrong👀👀

She's a loving mom, wife, and friend. She's not perfect but she makes effort on making herself a better person which I think the other characters lack lmaoooo😂😭😂😭I like how her love for her children is so big, and she's pretty much a normal mom. She is supportive of her children's shenanigans and all she wants is to see her children happy🥺

If she found out that she got lied to, I think she'll lose her respect for the Walfords👀👀

7. Danny Grey

We only got to see so little about him but here's what I think: he's handsome lol,,, he's athletic of course, a loving son, a loving fiance possibly a real husband material, and a PASSIONATE man! I mean the love he has for his family, his fiance, and his sport is just so great🥺🥺

It's sad how we only got to see so lil about him since his death is the drive of the plot, so okay,,,

8. Bella Grey

Oh, babyyy🥺🥺🥺 she's Danny's sister who's a very veryyyy talented girl! She plays the piano, she's musically inclined, she's pretty, soft, precious, and lovely! I'm gonna fight anyone who says otherwise😤

She felt as if she's only a shadow of his probably popular brother which makes her feel invisible. She thinks she's plain and that she's just sooo thankful that she's talented or else she's just nothing🥺😭🥺😭 I think it's sad how she resorted to plastic surgery to make herself seen and noticed. It's sad how she thought that changing herself would make her seen which made her think that she is the problem but babyyy nooo!! 🥺😭🥺😭

I love her relationship with her mum! They're like bestfriends and it's so lovelyyy🥺💖I love how she has strong intuition noticing and feeling the Walford's patriarch's seemingly uncharacteristic approaches on them👀👀 so yeah, I love her🥺💖

9. Dr. Julian Lee

He's the hot cardiologist of Mr. Walford and Mrs. Walford's number 2 lol😂 he's a well-known doctor so he probably have the skillz and the brains no wonder Cate fell for him. So, he's pretty much a good guy despite having an affair with a married woman because in my eyes he seems to treat her better🥺🥺🥺

I like how he banters with Phillip and their exchange of spicy words are gold👌I see how hurt he was when Cate decided to break up with him because it seems to get better with her husband BUT HE LET HER GO OMG,,, maybe he truly loves her?? Because he just wanted her to be happy?? I really would have wanted to see more of him🥺😔

10. David Starke

He's the coach and he's a widower who fell in love with Sophia Grey. Hmmm,,, he's pretty hot too lmaooo... He's a giant! He's also kind of a low-key asshole,,,

He was pretty okay during the first few episodes, he's always there to give support to the Greys, maybe because he's really a nice guy or maybe it's because he loves Sophia and he sees her as his wife 👀👀 I just kinda hated him when he started being a dick to Bella's friend who was just joking! He said something like he doesn't like his humor and that that kind of humor is the last resort of being likeable if the person is not actually attractive and I was like whut bruh??? WhAt?🥴🥴

I'd love to see how his relationship with Sophia would continue especially that he was initially jealous of Phillip bec he was tooooo close to her (David doesn't know the reason why) and it was hinted in that godforsaken ending that they learned about the lie,, I would have wanted to see how he would react and how he would confront the Walford patriarch about it😔

11. Mikael

So he's the bearded buff diver guy. He was an ex military (?) and is now a mercenary. He's close to Georgia, I'm not just sure if it's just because of her money or something else. So he's pretty much a fucked up guy. He's clever, he's strong, he's hot, he's handsome, he's scary, and he's probably crazy too.

He does anything and everything, as long as you will pay him his price. He's also the type of guy who you should be afraid of getting on his bad side because he will make sure he would get back at you.

12. Bishop Welles

One of my most hated character, he's an enabler and I hate him😤 he's that calm old bishop who threw shade to Phillip Walford, a well-known business tycoon, during his friend's funeral. Like,,, he's saying that Phillip must have done something driving the death of his friend, Mr. Konig. Making Phillip withdrew all donations to that church lol

He also never believed Georgia's testimonies that she was being raped by her own father and even called her father to get her. He made her life worse.

F. Plot

To be honest, I liked the plot... I love how it started with having glimpses of how these families live their different lives away from each other. I like how the main motif of this series is revenge, greediness, and how family relationship differs,,, I really love how the plot is so new to me that it hooked me up into watching the whole thing making me look forward into it for every week. I remember doing the math so I could watch it live, having a mini heart attack when my Internet was being nuts lagging at the pivoting moments of the show, and squealing every time Philip goes to view lmaooo😂😭😂😭

I honestly like the twists and all, I really liked how the story went until that fucking ending.

8 eps in and I was like 😳 "gosh, there are so many happenings how would everything be resolved for the last two episodes??" and "there are more bombs to be dropped yet hcndkaodns." Then the writer went "haha, nonsense plot twists and cliff hangers go brr" and he basically ruined a good show I HATE IT SO MUCH. Maybe IF they're gonna renew the series and will have a season 2 where everything would be actually resolved like how a decent plot happens, then okay, I'll forgive you, Mr writer. But leaving us, the viewers, hanging like that after that wtf kind of ending is just too cruel and just too selfish 😔✊ I even recommended this show to my friends and they're pretty fine with it and like me, they think the plot is cool up until that stupid ending...

It was a real roller-coaster ride of emotions, I love how it made me feel. The constant 'oh my god, I love where this show is going' and 'this is so good' made me feel so happy except that ending...It was actually my stress-reliever although the plot is sooo stressful to the nth power lol

Will I recommend it to other people?? Well,,,, sureee why not?! I mean if I want them to know why I'm simping over a 60 year old big man, oh why not🤭🤭 For the story?? For revenge maybe? I want them to feel robbed off a good ending and I want them to hate the ending too as much as I hate it lolololll kidding aside, welp, yeah, I'd still recommend it to make them feel the roller coaster of emotions I also felt🤭👀👀

#philip quast #phillip walford #btw #australian series #between two worlds #Hermione norris #Melanie jarnson #Sarah wiseman #Alex cubis #Megan hajjar #Aaron jefferey #Tom Dalzell #Blazey best #Dalip sondhi

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