#I remember back then more often than not those that gets figures like these usually have animations
Note
I just got a comment saying I should have tagged for dom/sub undertones and I'm a little confused. In canon, this guy always bosses his wife around re: doing shit that's healthy for her - napping, drinking water, remembering to eat more than once a day, getting more than 3 hours of sleep - and she lovingly calls him "Boss Man" as a nickname because of it. On some occasions where she's gone more than a day without eating he'll swipe her phone and order her to eat before she gets it back, something she always seems to find endearing. There's a lot of 'I didn't mean to worry you', 'you're worth worrying about, now here's your favorite homemade walnut bread' stuff, all there in canon, just lifted from canon and transplanted into my fic.
Is this dom/sub stuff? I'm aroace so I've never been in a relationship, but I assumed "take care of yourself" "I will but I will call you a silly nickname over it" was regular relationship stuff. Or is it that the frequency of it makes it dom/sub stuff, and I'm just not grasping that because my neurodivergency is making me not read the social cues correctly? I was only recently diagnosed but this has been a problem for a long time, the whole line between normal and abnormal behavior, so I thought I'd ask you. You're much more well-read than I am and know a lot more about shipping dynamics and how they're tagged. I feel like you're an expert whose opinion carries a lot of conclusions-informed-by-knowledge and so your take could help me figure this out.
People who are doms or subs or write them, if you have a guide on this stuff, that'd be cool, too. I want to educate myself more so I know if I should tag something. After all, I can't get my story to people who want to read it if it doesn't show up in the tags they're searching for. Readers aren't mindreaders. It's on me to make sure they can get ahold of the things they're looking for. I just need to work around my own ADHD-addled brain to do it.
--
I think this is the usual pattern of demanding silly tags that would only make sense in that reader's own bookmarks.
Yes, caretaking and food control of various kinds can be a part of BDSM. No, your description of canon does not make it sound like this has obvious undertones.
Readers are going to have different interpretations. It's possible that other readers would agree with this one. I have my doubts. I suspect they're projecting. But sure, maybe other people would think there was some of that vibe.
However, if you did not intend the fic to read this way, I would not add the tag. This is not what the fic is about.
--
As for what this kind of thing can look like when it is intended as a dom/sub activity, the movie Secretary has a bunch of examples. She calls him on the phone to tell him what her family's dinner looks like that night; he gives her instructions about which things she can eat how much of. The way she acts while making that phone call makes it clear it's an exciting game to her. Another time, he tells her she's not allowed to cut herself anymore: he will provide what she needs.
Even if the characters are being playful, just nagging someone to do basic self care doesn't really come across as this. It's more charged when it's an intentional power exchange thing.
It's more like... hmm... if you and a friend agreed to LARP as characters for a day. Even if you were acting fairly normal and doing things you'd often do anyway, there would be this added extra vibe to it that someone who knew you well could probably detect.
It's not so much about the specific behaviors: it's about the extra meaning those people ascribe to them. If it doesn't seem like the canon characters think of this caretaking any specific way and you, as the fic author, don't see it that way, then I don't think it will generally read as a dom/sub thing to most readers.
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
Simon 'Ghost' Riley Headcanons While You're Dating
I figured this would be kinda cute since I've only written for König. Switching it up just a little bit since I think the 141 boys are cuties <3
I know this is quite long too, I'm sorry I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to get out!!!!!
There will be both SFW and NSFW with a GN reader (they/them pronouns) ^^ Enjoy!
GENRE: Fluff, smut after NSFW cut
WARNINGS: Mentions of Ghost's childhood
Masterlist here!
***************
You'd needed to be the one to tell him how you'd felt first. Simon wasn't one to open up about his emotions and mostly tried to ignore and bottle up his feelings, so he never would've been able to gain that courage to tell you first.
When you did tell him, he became super flustered behind that mask of his. You normally called him by his alias and never really used his actual name, so he knew what you were going to say would've been serious.
"Hey, Simon? I think I like you. And I understand if you don't feel the same way, I just figured I should tell you sooner than later."
...
"Simon..?"
He would let out a flustered grumble of "Yeah yeah,, I like you too." and you two would slowly, but surely, warm up to each other more.
He'd be a very gentle lover. Just the thought of him hurting you, even by accident, made him violently ill.
Ghost wouldn't be one to be touchy very early on in you guys' relationship, he kept a lot to himself and you respected that. At times you would hold back from trying to hug him, or hold his hand, or anything, but you didn't mind. You wanted to make sure he was comfortable.
He'd soon realised you were the cuddly, touchy type, so he'd begin making moves like wrapping his arm around your waist or linking his pinkie with yours while you were walking. Just those small touches alone would make your knees weak.
Simon faced a lot of trauma in his childhood so he had trouble opening up to you at first. Once he did start opening up to you, he realised he didn't need to ignore his feelings for once. You made him feel safe.
>:'(( he loves you so much.
He'd call you all the usual pet names such as 'my love', 'darling', 'sweetheart', etc.
You'd often be the only thing on his mind when he'd be on missions or back in the barracks.
He'd always keep a printed photograph of you in a pocket somewhere so he could remember who he was fighting for.
When he'd be upset, he'd always pull that photo out just to look at it. Just seeing your face brought him immense comfort.
His love language would definitely be acts of service. He'll gladly cook a nice meal for you, or tell you to sit down and relax so he could take care of the cleaning.
However, it goes both ways. You'll pack him a lunch for the day He'd be on his knees. Make his bed for him if he were to be too busy? He'll completely melt. It's those little things.
His father didn't care all that much for him as a child coming from an abusive household, essentially needing to take care of himself. Having that someone to pack him a lunch and look after him in such a way made him feel loved and safe.
Of course he'd never take his mask off in front of you. He never took it off for anyone, there were no hard feelings. He preferred his anonymity and you are completely okay with it.
You never asked to see him without the mask because
well,
you just didn't. That was his privacy and you weren't one to invade it unless he would offer or if he were to be ready.
You two were both very patient with each other and that helped build a healthy and trustful relationship.
You also didn't mind not knowing what he really looked like. You first fell in love with who he was as a person, not his physical attributes.
When he did show you what he looked like unmasked, it was ironically during a make-out session.
(He low-key planned it out)
"Bloody hell, this thing is getting in the way." He'd say as the balaclava kept slipping down and shielding his lips from yours.
Thats when he finally pulled the felt which covered his features off, taking you by surprise.
The face-paint was still there, but his beautiful features were completely exposed to you.
He definitely got flustered at just how much you were examining his face.
"You look like you've seen a Ghost, darling."
That snapped you out of it, earning a chuckle from you before you two were sucking each others faces off again without that irritation from the fabric.
While nothing was said in the moment, by the time you two were done, you'd already begun to gush about how handsome he looked. You'd cup his face in your hands like he would to you and place kisses on his nose, forehead, cheeks, everywhere. He'd just look away in embarrassment.
"Yeah, yeah, take a picture, it'll last longer... PLEASE DON'T-"
The hard, confident Simon you knew became a blushy idiot and you loved it.
He was your Simon
__________________
NSFW
Before you two had any 'alone time' together, he'd always make sure there's a large water bottle or an electrolyte drink on the bedside table because, man, his guy has a lot of stamina and a high sex drive.
He could easily shoot a some loads into you over the course of a couple of hours.
You couldn't count how many times he'd make you cum over those few hours as you'd be a babbling mess by the end of it. No thoughts, just getting dicked down.
He wasn't exactly rough, but definitely not gentle. He'll be pounding into you like it was your last nights together for a while. And yeah, sometimes it was, so you two would need to make the most of it.
He wasn't one to inflict physical pain to you either unless it was the occasional slap on the ass or thighs.
He was one to grab onto you though. He'll grab onto any piece of your body he can.
Doggy? Bent over a table? Riding? He'll be digging his fingers into your fleshy hips.
Steamy make-out session? Or just feeling possessive? He'll gladly grab onto your thighs or wrap his arms around your waist.
The boy loves holding onto you, especially when he's in heat, leaving maybe just a few red marks from him gripping onto you so tightly. Maybe even a few scratch marks.
Missionary would definitely be his favourite position.
He'd be able to stare into that pretty face of yours for eternity if his life depended on it.
Missionary also lets him hold your hand as he pounds you into the mattress. The feeling of you squeezing his hand as tightly as you can while you cum makes him go absolutely feral.
Simon wouldn't make all that much noise in bed. Though when he's feeling desperate, he can't shut himself up. He'll let out soft moans and groans and growls into your ear just to let you know how good you're making him feel.
He also would love seeing your mouth full of his cock. The faces you'd make up at him as it slides down you throat could make him cum instantly.
Moan his name and he will also cum instantly.
"Oh, fuck- Simon~!"
He'll start pounding into you like never before, chasing both of your orgasms.
He’ll always make sure that you’re left satisfied. No point in pounding into you if you’re not going to be enjoying it the entire time.
He'd probably cum a lot too. Thick strands would shoot inside you or into your mouth, struggling to stay inside. He'd probably have a thing for pushing his fingers inside your hole to make sure his cum stays inside you.
He's a top and a soft dom so he'd have a bit of trouble getting used to bottoming and/or subbing. He wouldn't turn it away, not for you. But it would need some getting used to for him.
If he's subbing, you could very easily get him to start begging once he gets lost in the pleasure. Though he'd definitely feel embarrassed after. He's a grown, dominant, military man who engages in the most brutal and gore-y activities. He wouldn't have ever believed himself a couple of years back if the future Simon had told him he'll be begging his partner to let him cum as they jerked him off in the slowest, most torturous way.
If you two hadn't seen each other in a while, he'd be pushing you against the wall in an instant with your thighs on either side of him. He'd be practically begging you again to let him fuck you, and you'd of course let him.
Breeding kink? For sure. He LOVES to cum inside you and fill you up.
"F-Fucking hell, look at you, doll, completely stuffed." He'll say as he cums into you for the third or fourth time that night. Your entire body would for sure be shaking at that point.
Of course he’d be affected by the overstimulation as some point as well, he’d begin stuttering every now and again each time his cock would throb inside you.
He'd slam into you with such force, you'll be sobbing tears of pleasure by the time you two were done.
You'll often become extremely tired from sex from the sheer amount of stamina this man has, it can't be said enough.
This man will gladly take you to your limit, but the moment you show signs of passing out or feeling unwell, he'll stop and make sure you're okay, giving you some water and something to boost your blood sugar so you’re not passing out on him. He's not one to take such advantage of you while you're unconscious, and you respect him a lot for that.
Post-sex includes so much cuddling. He'll apologise for accidentally hurting you or if he was too rough and make sure you're all cleaned up and had water before you two head to bed or for a nap.
Post-morning-sex would include him bringing breakfast to you in bed which you thought was the most adorable thing ever.
Your legs would be jelly by the time you two were done, so just trying to make it to the bathroom would be a whole challenge.
Simon would always either carry you or provide you will that stability, it was sweet. He'd hold onto your waist as tightly as he could to make sure you wouldn't fall while your knees would give in.
He was very buff so it would be pretty easy to keep you from falling to the ground.
He'll make sure you're all squeaky clean, hydrated, and fed before anything else.
He truely was the best boyfriend you could ask for.
***************
I loved writing this so much, I'm about to go scream into my pillow. Goodnight, everyone <3
#cod mw2#call of duty#mw2 x reader#mw2 smut#Ghost headcanons#Ghost cod#Ghost x reader#Ghost mw2#Ghost x reader fluff#Ghost x reader smut#Simon Riley x reader#simon 'ghost' riley#Simon Riley fluff#Simon Riley smut#Ghost Headcanons#Simon Riley Headcanons#Ghost Imagines#Simon Riley Imagines#mw2 imagines#mw2 x you
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
Alastor x reader I've written randomly to vent about a shitty situation I'm currently living
Summary : a new guest you knew from your past life arrive at the hotel, she was that one person who bullied you throigh high school, but she mooks too angelic to be guilty
Code : E/n (ennemy/name)
Tags : fem reader, etablished relationship, angst for the most part, there will maybe be a part 2, mentions of bullying, reader is TRAUMATIZED, english is not my first language, may have some inaccuracy about the show since I'm just projecting, and of course probably ooc characters
It wasn't a bad day, at least not in a place like hell, it was even quite nice, charlie was babbling about a new team bonding activity as usual, and it was nice being with your friends, until around 2 pm...when a new guest arrived...
Oh you remembered her...from high school, so pretty, so popular, she was you best friends ! You should have been overjoyed to see her down here !
Well...not exactly, because she wasn't your best friend anymore, you hardly bear to be in the same room as her, of anger, from your history and how your friendship ended...but also of fear and dread...
You were both teens back then, you and eager to have many friends ! You had your own group of friends, and she was a separate individual, spending her time with her boyfriend often, that's okay by you, you were happy for her, and when that boy left her you welcomed her with open arms ! You became best friend soon, even inseparable ! You heard her badmouth you to your friend group from time to time, but she told you it was okay, it was "to know who was fake" then, one by one, your friends ghosted you, but you had her, she was there at least, making new friends, each time you introduced her they left soon enough, you thought that maybe you were the problem and stopped trying, your best friend was there after all
Until a boy came along, love at first sight for you, he had everything ! He had so much...your best friend wanted him too...and with that, she had him, when you called her out she called you an homewrecker and a toxic friend getting in the way of her relationship, that ended badly and an argument followed, while you stayed on the down low, she texted your few friends left, and any new friends you managed to make telling them how awful you were, so you ended up closing your media althogether, moving away, and never hearing about her ever again
And there she was, she didn't really looked different from her time on her, a round face and blond hair, she didn't looked like she fitted in hell, but you you were different, your body jointed like a doll, mocking your life as the puppet of those who wanted to play you, but if not your appearance, your personnality changed, you were more confident, your boyfriend was a powerful overlord too ! No, not boyfriend, he proposed a month ago after all, he was your fiancee now, and you had friends, through thick and thin, you knew they wouldn't buy into her lie at least !
Having an hard time to breath you sucked it up, maybe she wouldn't recognize you ?
Wrong
How wrong
"Hello ! Welcome to the hazbin hotel ! Guys this is our new guest !" Charlie started with her usually cheerfulness
"Hi everyone ! My name is E/n, I barely arrived in hell ! And I figured that if I could, I would want to be redeemed ! After all everyone deserves second chances !" The girl said back
Her voice hasn't changed, neither her tone, that fake nice tone you used to hear every day, here, one again in flesh and blood, not through a phone, not through class, but..here...
Breathing harder than ever, you only went back to reality when husk called out to you
"Hey ? You seem weird, like you've seen some ghost ?" His tone nonchalant as always showed half concerns, but for him, it was a lot
"A glass, of whiskey, or vodka, whatever you got, strongest you got please"
"Wowowo...alright, that's not your type to drink, what's up...?"
"I-I...I know this girl...she...listens, I can't be in her presence sober, I knew her from where I was alive...we had...some bad conflict...she did some awful things to me, and I got bad issues after that...I said some mean things to her too, we were kids, but since then I'm scared I'll lose all my friends again !"
Husk just nodded at my whispered rant, trying to calm myself, I didn't even insisted on a glass and went straight to my own room since alastor and I didn't shared one yet, not before marriage he said
Later that day, angel vaggie and charlie passed by my room, concerned by my absence, I told them everything, how I ended up abandonning the notion of making friends when I was alive, the calls, the insults, they looked at me with compassion, charlie said she believes that she could have changed, and even if I doubted it, I wanted to believes it
Alastor arrived to spend some quality time with me, dancing on old jazz music far from my time, reading a book, basking in silence with each others
After a while, I thought I could talk about E/n with him, he was my fiancee after all ?
"Al ?" I started, unsure
"Yes my dear ?"
"You know about that new guest at the hotel ?"
"Ah yes, what a cultivated lady, quite entertaining, she was really into songs from the 1980s not my style at all, we had a long discussion about music genres, she's actually quite against modern technology and that picture show"
"Oh...so...you like her company ?"
"She is not insufferable if that's your question"
Finally you decided against your first idea, perhaps she had changed in the end ? Perhaps a new friendship was possible ? With healthy fondation, you could get your bestfriend back !
Wrong again
You revealed her the next day who you were, well, used to be, what linked the two of you back in the living realms, for others, nothing changed, but for you it was subtle, for exemple she never interrupted anyone, but when it came to you each time your mouth opened she would cut you out
She was such a charmer too, a quality you envied her, her audience was captivated, and soon even alastor was her aquaintance, he presented her rosie of course ! Just like he did for charlie !
And just like he did for you...
Rosie found her delightful, and from your tea parties at 3 with her and alastor, became 4, adding E/n
A comment about your appearance back in high school, an embarassing moment you had, a silly crush, every single detail of your life was used to mock you, even your crush on a video game character
Soon you always found excuses to avoid going to the tea party, and spend most of our time outside of the hotel, feeling akward in her presence
You tried talking about it to charlie or maybe vaggie, to no avail, they said how nice E/n was and how much progress she was making, if they weren't saying you sounded silly thinking that in these 3 weeks she took your place, you still felt like it...
And it all confirmed when, after a whole day of searching for everyone, they finally came back to the hotel from shopping...without you
"Finally you're here toots ! We tried searching for ya before going but you weren't anywhere !" Angel started, holding many bags in each arms
"What do you mean ? I was in my room all day ?"
"Wait you weren't out ? E/n told us she saw you leave ?"
"Oh I'm sorry my eyes deceived me...next time I'll still check your room !" As everyone looked sorry I couldn't help but see it, even for a second...
She smirked...
Of course she did, she never changed
This started becoming common occurence, either the others left you behind, or you could leave the entire day without them noticing, and at some point, angel, husk and sir pentious started to distance themselves from you
"Hey angel, hum...you wanna hang out...? Go to a club, or drink with husk, just spend some time betweens pal ?"
"Sorry sweet cheeks, but we're partying with E/n tonight and...she doesn't feel comfortable around you..."
"Wha ? Angel what are you talking about ?"
"She told us about it, about the two of you, hos jealous and manipulative you were, you even tried to make her dump her boyfriend, that wasn't cool of you, I don't want to take side on this, but if I hang out with one of you, I'd rather not force her to be with the other for both your sanities"
"Oh...ok"
That's all you could have mustered, because what was there to muster, you were in hell, all the proof you used to have were on your previous phone in the living realm, but even if angel and the other favored her, mayne your fiancee could understand your side ?
Gently you knocked on alastor's hotel room as he called you to come in, he was currently eating his dinner, a...fresh venison...but you shook your head lightly, taking a sit across the table
"Al, can I vent to you for a bit...?"
"What is it my dear ? But please, spare me your story with E/n, as much as I love a good gossip, the young lady did you a favor by never taking vengance in the living realm, I wouldn't want the two of you to get in troubles once again"
"Al, please it's serious, she's telling lies about le ! And you believes her ? I'm your fiancee ! She's in hell as well !"
"And so are you, and so am I, I am not interested in knowing the why who is were, but I admit your little querrel is...quite entertaining !"
"So your fiancee see her ex bully...and all you think about is entertainment ?"
"Well, ma chère (my dear) as far as we are all concerned, without proof, both of you could be the liar, it's about, who's able to convince the public, just like on a stage"
Alastor's half sadistic smile didn't amused you, you just sighed, getting up, wamking slowly toward the exit of his room, if even your own fiancee, the man you loved refused to believes you, who would ?
You couldn't see alastor's curious expression as you left, he just wanted to prolounge the fun and not outright gives you the solution, but seeing you give up almost made him that for once he screwed up badly
#writing#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#alastor#alastor x reader#angst#alastor angst#x reader#x reader angst#hazbin hotel x reader
289 notes
·
View notes
Note
Can I request headcanon for fukuzawa yukichi from bsd , megumi nobara yuji and geto , gojo from jjk ? ( i love yukichi but if it's make u uncomfortable then you can change it to platonic )
I've written romantic Hc's for Jiraiya, honey, Fukuzawa is no problem.
Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusion, stalking, controlling behavior, manipulation, gaslighting, blackmailing, sadism, isolation, abduction, death
Multiple Yandere Hc's
Fukuzawa Yukichi
⚪ Fukuzawa as the president of the Armed Detective Agency fulfills all the expectations you'd imagine a man of his position to have. Serious and calm with a great sense of responsibility for his subordinates and the city of Yokohama. He's dedicated to everything he has built to ensure order and peace so that's what makes it all the more confusing and even downright disturbing as he slowly finds himself entrapped with his darling. Yukichi is no delusional fool, he's very lucid of the abyss his emotions slowly unwind into and it leaves him ever so slightly agitated. Obviously not with you as he knows that this isn't your fault but more with his own lack of self-control in this situation, the capability to even feel and think in such dark ways in the first place. Unable to find a solution to his problem, Fukuzawa does what he does best. Maintaining a calm face as he does his best to go about his days as usual.
⚪ The more time passes on, the worse it gets though as he ever so subtly starts showing signs that something isn't as it used to be. When Haruno serves him a cup of tea, he stares into the steaming cup a few seconds too long as his thoughts drift to you. The first time he wasn't even fully aware until Haruno asked him if something is wrong with the tea and he quickly pretends like everything is fine, flustered and embarrassed with what just happened. Zooming out for a few seconds becomes far more common than it should be and the realization that he's long lost control of his feelings weights very heavily on his shoulders. A while after stomaching this knowledge, you find Yukichi approaching you a bit more and engaging in occasional conversations with you, mindful and observing during those interactions. It's a curse for him more than a blessing that he's able to remember smaller details about you so much better, whether you tell him something about you or he notices a small quirk of yours merely by watching you. He doesn't want to admit it but he always ends up hyperfocusing when around you.
⚪ With a freshly developed obsession, Fukuzawa finds himself oftentimes overthinking about a lot of stuff. How often can he approach you without looking suspicious? Should he hold eye contact with you during conversations the entire time or is that creepy? If he asks you to call him by his first name, would that be weird? Underneath his serious persona, this man is so painfully awkward as he has zero experience about courting and even falling normally in love, his first love just happening to be his obsession is truly a bad joke of destiny. He has similar problems with jealousy as he has always struggles figuring out how much jealousy during which interactions would be suspicious. He isn't the type to be insanely jealous, to his own luck, but to say that it doesn't leave a bitter taste on his tongue would be a lie. It's uncomfortable, over time he finds his body going slightly rigid and his stare is heavy and intense which does intimidate your counterparts more than often. Worst of all is that Fukuzawa is never aware of all of this until someone points it out to him.
⚪ The Armed Detective Agency was created because of his want to see justice prevail and ensure that order and peace would always reign over Yokohama. Especially after realizing his obsession he puts more value into his morals as he fears to revert back to his days as an assassin. Days where he looked forward to killing another person. How far his fears are justified is up to debate but it's a big concern of the president nevertheless. He upholds his morals quite well though, the only hiccup in this all would probably be his overprotective behavior which at times just slips out. Whenever he notices that someone makes you uncomfortable he finds himself stepping in, as soon as he notices that something scares you he has the urge to protect you. What Fukuzawa ends up doing is scaring quite a few people due to his serious nature and the heavy feeling of authority that always surrounds him. He knows that there will be people after you though because you're dear to him and he would never hesitate to draw his sword to defend you against such people either.
⚪ A main reason why Yukichi attempts to keep his feelings hidden is precisely because he's aware that the Port Mafia and so many other people might come for you the moment information seek out that he loves you. Obviously every secret will eventually get revealed so the moment that happens, especially if you two are officially a couple at that point, he tightens the security in your life a tad bit more. He doesn't want to be too restricting about it all but he can't help but be worried, especially if you have no gift and are just a normal person. He wants to keep closer tabs on the Port Mafia just in case that they plan anything and if the Agency gets hold of any information regarding public attacks for whatever reason, he's rather demanding when telling you to stay away. This all is tolerable at least but that maintenance of self-restriction gets shattered the moment you get involved in serious danger which fuels Yukichi's paranoia and triggers him for an unknown amount of time to be a lot more controlling. His aura forbids any protest to the point where even you find yourself flinching intimidated if you try to argue with him about the tight boundaries he's made for you.
⚪ Ranpo figures out Fukuzawa's up until that point well-kept secret which includes the darker side to all of that but he's too close to the president to blame him for anything, especially since he realizes how troubled Fukuzawa himself is with the situation. Dazai is probably another member who gets behind the president's emotions too but he's more fascinated than worried. Most other members are just happy for Fukuzawa when news get out about his feelings and if you aren't a couple officially by that point, a lot of them would be up for the idea of helping him here and there. He rejects their help politely, secretly terrified to even think about what some of them would try to do to help. His affection has more of a gentlemanly approach to it, consisting of small and thoughtful presents, acts of service or nice dates. He has a soft spot for you and sometimes Agency members abuse that by pleading for your help against his anger if they've caused some problems. Also, the Agency loves teasing him when you manage to successfully fluster him in front of them to the point where his cheeks are covered with a hue of pink.
Itadori Yuji
🩷 Yuji is crushing so hard on his darling, it doesn't take much for others to notice that he has a fat crush on you. The boy is such a pure-hearted simp who will literally compliment his darling for anything, even if it's something minor like the shoes you chose to wear on that day or the way you style your hair. He focuses a lot on you and the stuff you're into and is actually fairly well in remembering it so Nobara definitely calls him out for knowing what you favorite food or your favorite colour is whilst forgetting things like when and where he's supposed to meet with her and Megumi on missions to track down curses. Itadori on the other hand is more confused when the people around you don't know certain information about you or don't notice habits or quirks of you which are so painfully obvious to him. He's a bit naive though as you can't exactly call him someone who actually notices that his hyperfixation is not normal. The boy is just a bit dense at times...All the time.
🩷 He's clingy at a level where it is noticable but not quite there to be suffocating or creepy in the eyes of others as Yuji shows some respect for your boundaries. Needless to say though, he would love to spend a lot of time with you whenever both of you are free and whenever he isn't busy with matters involving the jujutsu sorcerers. Even whilst in company of people like Megumi, Nobara or even Gojo and Nanami he often pulls out his phone to see if you're online to chat with you and when all of that doesn't work, he just looks at photos he took of you. You weren't aware in all of them that he took them but Yuji literally can't resist at moments when you just look too gorgeous and adorable. His mood gets for sure affected after a while of not being in contact with you though as he starts sulking around and grumbles significantly more. Considering the world he was thrown into ever since becoming Sukuna's vessel, Yuji has become more protective over his s/o as he could never even bear the thought of them being attacked or even killed by a curse.
🩷 He'd like to think that he isn't obvious when jealous of someone but all his friends can assure him that he's just kidding himself. There's a scowl on his face that gets more prominent as time passes on, he's drumming his fingers against whatever surface is there and is shaking his leg as time ticks by and he gets visibly more impatient as he wonders what in the world could be so engrossing about them. He feels neglected and that is not a nice feeling so if he's had enough he will just squeeze himself in whatever interaction you're currently having with them. It would be only fair to say that Yuji isn't the type to be insanely jealous around others but he just dislikes when he's with you and you ignore him in favor of someone else. He likes your friends, he makes an effort to befriend them too and is cool with all of them as long as no one of them is crushing on you. Something that will definitely trigger him is when he catches someone flirting with his darling because then he's not hesitating to storm over and put himself in between you and the other person with a facial expression that just screams that he's unhappy.
🩷 Itadori has his morals straight when it comes to killing a human. It's morally and ethically just plainly wrong in his eyes as he doesn't see himself as someone who has the right to do so. Killing a human is a last resort in his opinion and so as long as someone hasn't done something truly disgusting to you, he normally doesn't murder anyone for you. He mostly just intimidates and scares people away from you if they've wronged you, although he has probably also gotten into physical fights as the urge to punch someone who has just been a terrible jerk to you isn't always something he can suppress. Your personal simp is physically very strong and athletic though so don't worry, he has won every brawl so far. That makes him for the most part harmless but if someone does manage to genuinely anger him, his hatred stays forever and is very intense.
🩷 One to give you lots of freedom, Itadori isn't someone who would consider ever isolating or restricting you in any way. He prioritizes your happiness a lot and goes above and beyond to make sure you're always in a good mood. Obviously he always tells you about staying away from certain areas when he knows that a curse might be there and it isn't uncommon for him to insist for you to let him accompany you when you have to go somewhere and he has information that something might be lurking around there. Other than this stuff and his clinginess he isn't very controlling but that's mainly because he has never truly experienced what it would feel like if you were to be in serious danger and honestly, he doesn't really want to consider such a terrible thing at all. That is going to make it all the more earth-shattering for Yuji though if it ever happens as that is the moment where he truly feels like he should have done more to protect you. Even if it would have meant invading your privacy and freedom.
🩷 Nobara is at times that close to smacking him with the amount of times Itadori spends gushing about you, she's still happy for him though. Megumi has chosen to just ignore Yuji's rambling, Gojo at times supports him much to the distraught of Nobara. Yuji, once in a relationship, is very dedicated and eager. He constantly goes on little dates with you as soon as he has time and wastes far more money than he should on small presents like snacks or cute little accessories such as key fobs. Text him or call him to inform him that you need something and he's on his way to retrieve it for you, even if he has to walk across the entirety that is Tokyo. That's just how much down bad he is for you. If it wouldn't be for Sukuna who lives inside of him, Yuji would have little to no worries. The curse definitely knows about Yuji's obsession even if the boy denies it when he points it mockingly out. There are times where Sukuna provokes Yuji even as he knows that you're his biggest weakness, threatens to hurt you the next time he gains control. Itadori's surprisingly dark response never fails to amuse and even impress the curse.
Fushiguro Megumi
💙 Megumi already has enough drama going on in his life. His step-sister is in a coma, his father and step-mother have abandoned him and his sister years ago, the Zenin clan tries to claim him and he has to deal with the antics of Gojo, Yuji and Nobara. In between all of this hassle there is you, a disease to his heart and mind as you quickly become a large part of the young man's daily routine. Astonishing, considering that you never see Megumi that often in person but it doesn't need two to watch you, Megumi all by himself is enough. He doesn't know how he should really approach you with all of those confusing emotions swirling around inside of him so stalking is the best option he can come up with. It might sound creepy but just seeing you is almost therapeutic as his mind just clears for those moments from all the stress and the annoyance he normally feels as he just focuses on you. This leads him at one point to impulsively feel the urge to see you whenever he's confronted with something that gets on his nerves and makes him uncomfortable so Megumi starts becoming slightly co-dependent on you.
💙 He's a good observer and all the stalking really shows results as time passes on as Megumi essentially knows a lot of stuff about you he shouldn't know considering how little you know of him. Partially Megumi is lucid enough to know that his behavior isn't normal after all which is why he never tells anyone about you nor is he dumb enough to let you ever find out. Envisioning the drama that would break out the moment people would find out is enough to give him already a headache and he can't risk under any circumstances to scare you. With that said though, Megumi is at best semi-aware though as his own moral code isn't quite as honorable as Itadori's is and this only gets tainted more in black as his darling rises up to be his biggest priority. He justifies any action he takes with their safety in mind and this makes it surprisingly easy for Megumi to commit certain crimes without feeling even an ounce of guilt, the only exception are your tears if his actions should scare and horrify you. You have to believe him though, it was all done for you.
💙 Megumi is so secretive and aloof, you barely remember seeing his facial expression be something else than neutral so you never consider the possibility of him being potentially jealous. Funny considering that Megumi is one of the more jealous people out there. Are you surprised by that? There are a few factors that play into this and the main reason would be his paranoia out of his insecurities. Megumi is in a tough position, sold to the Zenin clan by his father if it wouldn't have been for Gojo who in return forced him into becoming a jujutsu sorcerer and he only really has partially accepted this because he wants to save Tsumiki. Even if he has no connection to the Zenin Clan anymore, they still won't leave him alone either and he might just be forced into becoming the next head of the clan. You're the only good thing in his life so it shouldn't be a surprise that he is so easily irritated, jealous of even close friends of yours. Jealous and insecure of anyone who can make you smile and who makes you happy as it only aggravates his insecurity and in return fuels his possessiveness which fluctuates strongly depending on his own confidence in the moment.
💙 We've already touched the subject before but let's take a deeper look. Megumi is prone to committing acts of violence more often as he hates bad people and good people who are too merciful. His paranoid overprotective antics only make it worse as he feels a rather overwhelming urge to shield you and protect you from everyone and everything bad in this world. I consider it likely that he's the type to threaten and scare people away even if you plan to forgive them as he most likely ends up seeing you as someone far too forgiving, something he normally hates in people and which he occasionally despises in you too when you cling onto someone who in his mind does not deserve your forgiveness. You're brushed off as too naive as he decides to just secretly take care of the problem as he's paranoid that if you'd find out, you'd try to leave him. Megumi is calculative and careful due to his fear to be abandoned by you and potentially be replaced.
💙 With all this talk of his paranoia, insecurities and his overprotectiveness it's by now probably obvious that there is the underlying threat of being abducted and that can be caused by multiple triggers. Megumi is most likely already the type who likes to be alone with you as it is as other people make him uncomfortable. He just wants you alone for himself without you ignoring him for your friends due to his quietness or all the people around you two whose eyes he can't help but feel like linger on you. That's most of the time only a byproduct of his imagination out of paranoia but Megumi is strong when it comes to overthinking to the point that he feels a tightness in his chest when he notices that someone has been following you two for a while now even when they just happen to walk into the same direction as you and if they stare at you for a second too long, he assumes worse. A relationship with him demands already sacrifices as you spend a lot of time with him alone inside as he's most comfortable there. If there would ever be a day where you get in grave danger, try to leave him or he simply assumes that you plan to replace him with someone better, you're done for.
💙 Megumi isn't all that good after all even if you might think of him as someone calm and composed all the time. Surely he is calculative and observant but let me tell you, on the inside he's most of the time just a possessive and insecure mess who just happens to be exceptionally good in hiding it. The jujutsu sorcerer finds himself often guilt-tripping and manipulating you into staying with him inside and not inviting your friends over when you want to do something with him. He has to allow you to spend time with others from time to time to avoid any arguments but that doesn't mean that he's happy with it. In some cases he's actually so paranoid and insecure that he ends up stalking you. One could argue that this means that he doesn't trust you but Megumi would see it more as him not trusting others with you. Although yes, he has this irrational fear of you finding someone you like more than him. That might be possible for you but he literally only has you so you'd shatter his heart and his last bit of self-restraint with it.
Kugisaki Nobara
🔨 Nobara is maybe just a bit iffy at the beginning about her crush which descends dangerously into obsessive territory as she can't help but feel disappointed as she normally prides herself on being strong and level-headed. Also, under her brash and confident facade she is very caring and due to that she can't help but think ahead and worry what that might imply for you. Unwilling to slip up and risk her position as a jujutsu sorcerer, she holds her head high and carries on as usual. That works so so on days as you always return onto her mind and it is angering as much as it is weirdly enjoyable. Nobara's confidence makes her sort of possessive over her darling as well as sort of semi-delusional. She isn't as insecure as Megumi is so she doesn't shy away from approaching you and befriending you, confident that she can charm her darling and be a good lover and girlfriend for them so that definitely makes her a tad bit more arrogant at times around others who might have a crush on you too.
🔨 The woman is rarely actively manipulating her darling as she wants to stay true to herself and refuses to rely on lies unless it's the only option left. Obviously she keeps curses and the world of jujutsu sorcerers a secret from you if you're just a normal citizen in Tokyo but otherwise she never lies to you and her outspoken and brash personality plays a huge part in that. She doesn't tolerate any bullshit from you though even if she loves you dearly so there is an air of strictness to her. She isn't a hard simp as Yuji is nor is she as paranoid as Megumi, she is a stable middle who reprimands you when you've done something wrong and does the same if someone has treated you the wrong way. Nobara isn't overly strict of course but in cases she is, she ususally expects you to listen as she is acting that way in particular when it concerns your own health and in most cases she won't accept any excuses from you.
🔨 She is reasonable and would never be irrationally jealous or at least she pretends she isn't, even when she is. She knows all of your friends and she's on good terms with all of them so she doesn't think that there is any need to be jealous of one of them. Nobara refuses to be influenced by her jealousy and start acting ridiculous, those are your friends who you've known longer than her in most cases after all. If someone tries to flirt with you though or thinks that they have a chance, she can't help but curl her lips in displeasure and disbelief as she scoffes. Now, now, even if you two aren't officially together at time she surely won't let some wannabe ogle at you and think that you're easy. Her comments are passive-aggressive as she ends up getting into the one or other argument at times. She's quite unshakable though as most people underestimate her confidence and always end up giving up. She denies your teasing words about her being jealous though, sometimes even scolds you for allowing them to continue in the first place because if you would have, she wouldn't have needed to interfere.
🔨 Nobara finds herself once again more in the middle between between Megumi and Yuji. She isn't as merciful as Yuji nor is she as overly paranoid as Megumi is. Don't get her wrong now, this girl is fiercely protective over you and as soon as she realizes that someone makes you uncomfortable or scares you, she tells them off angrily, even if they didn't do it on purpose. If someone does scare you on purpose or makes you intentially uncomfortable, she's all the more furious. She doesn't hesitate to execute any curses that interfere with your life, it's literally her job to kill as a jujutsu sorcerer so she came in prepared. Humans are a different calibre though so she obviously doesn't go around exorcising them nor can she use in most cases her Cursed Energy or her tools unless they also happen to be sorcerers. But she never takes bullshit from anyone so as soon as someone harms you somehow or uses you, she comes in to your rescue, ready to unload. You don't want to mess with her even if she doesn't use her weapons as Nobara has a temper and won't quit until the person has either admitted their wrongdoings and made it up or she has driven them away from you.
🔨 She has despised her childhood where she was stuck in the countryside all the time and she has set herself some boundaries within her obsession to have limits and abduction is certainly one of them. She hates the idea of restricting you and imprisoning you as she'd see it as a loss to herself by letting her own feelings influence her. Nobara is level-headed so chances of an abduction are fairly low as she works, admittedly, very hard behind the scenes to not let anyone or anything harm you. She's the tiniest bit controlling in the sense that she wants to know about the people beside herself that you have in your life to know who she has to lecture if something happens and she also expects you to tell her if you're in troubles or someone gives you a hard time. I can't really see an abduction or restrictions within your personal life happening unless a curse attacks you and or you're seriously injured in which case Nobara insists on spending more time guarding and protecting you and also wants you to stick to her advice she gives you no matter what, especially if you're still recovering.
🔨 She wouldn't want to isolate you for the fact alone that she loves going out with you, exploring the city and enjoying her new life. If you've lived here your entire life, she definitely wants you to show her around and take her to your favorite shops and restaurants. She isn't one to spoil but she definitely enjoys taking her darling out when she goes shopping and wants your opinion on certain outfits that catch her eye. If she sees something that she thinks would look good on you, she always insists for you to try it on and she's very persistent so she wins you over most of the time. Fashion is important for her so I can't help but feel like she'd like to doll you up from time to time and let her choose your outfit. Couple outfits will be a thing between the two of you, you can not convince me otherwise. She isn't one to actively gush over her darling all the time but if they have a hobby in which they excel or they do something of which she's proud about, she brags about it to her friends such as Yuji.
Gojo Satoru
🩵 Gojo is someone who enters your life without any warning and refuses to leave you alone forever after. You may do your best to avoid him or tell him as friendly as possible that you'd like him to leave you alone for a bit but nothing works as he chooses serenely to let everything fly over his head. Sweetie, he's not leaving you. He's here to stay whether you want him to or not, perhaps you just need a bit of time to get to know him better. Something you should know is that better than him isn't possible so he blatantly looks down on whoever you might show a prefence to or who might have any intentions to court you. This white-haired annoyance is one clingy man with no intention to give you any room to breathe. Admittedly, a part of him sometimes just likes annoying you and he's a master in it but for the most part Gojo has just an unquenchable desire to be with you as you manage to make him aware of something he didn't want to acknowledge for years now. His undeniable loneliness that comes with being the strongest, the still lingering diappointment of Riko's death and the searing scars left forever by Geto's betrayal. Never again. He'll never let someone else leave him or die on him again.
🩵 Despite his obvious playfullness, Satoru is very possessive over his darling and combined with his unbearable clinginess, that makes for one smothering presence. He's shameless and ruthless when it comes to being the most important person in your life and that transcends far beyond your crushes or love rivals. Your friends, acquaintances and even your own family get entangled into this mess and whilst he wouldn't actively hurt them, as long as they treat you well and don't try to tell you to stay away from him, he'd still expect you to choose him without any moment's hesitance over them because he'd do the same. Beyond his nonchalant and arrogant facade, Gojo is more paranoid and protective than he'd ever show to anyone besides maybe you. He's the strongest sorcerer for sure but the paranoia that something might be wrong and the additional stress his clan gives him as they're clearly unhappy with his choice of partner wear him down. He isn't invincible after all.
🩵 I'd label him as more possessive than jealous as his confidence is through the roof and he judges people mostly only based on their strength alone so with him being the strongest sorcerer in the world, he looks down on most people in your life. Gojo is the type who scares people out of your life without much remorse. One glare is often enough to make someone turn around and avoid you as long as the tale male is with you which is unfortunately more often than you're comfortable with. Turning your attention away from him and ignoring him for someone else never goes down well as he's clearly displeased when you choose to do so and he chooses to be an asshole in return, condescending and talking down to whoever it is you're conversing with at the moment and with his height and his heavy glare he never fails to scare them away. Gojo causes you a lot of problems with his overflowing affection as at one point everyone believes him to be your boyfriend and he does nothing but worsen it more and more.
🩵 I've already said it, I'll say it again. Gojo has little to no remorse for scaring, hurting or even murdering people for you. He barely tolerates anyone besides himself in your life and there is little space left for family and friends with him but they at least get the minimum of respect from him. Everyone else is a free game and then it's completely up to Satoru's own mood what he does with them. He is sadistic so he finds it amusing seeing someone cower in fear the moment he confronts them because they tried to interfere with the relationship. Most people once mess up and then never show their face in front of you again out of sheer fear of Gojo and it leaves you alone and isolated most time as he doesn't even spare friends and family from it if they do something that they shouldn't have done in his eyes. Nothing will help someone though if they've harmed his darling though and their death will be nothing short of excruciating, he literally doesn't care if it's a curse, a human, a sorcerer, executive or someone else. He won't let anyone ever touch a strand of your hair in the wrong way, he promises.
🩵 An abduction with Gojo is not avoidable and it'll happen soon, sweetheart. Satoru is maybe just a bit crazy about the aspect of controlling and monitoring you so he can know where you are the entire time and that is partially influenced by his protective side. He initially tries to talk you into moving in with him and tries to make it sound as appealing as possible. You can design the rooms however you like, you would have access to all of his seemingly limitless bank accounts and you'd never have to work again. It'd be just the two of you. It might sound tempting at first but there are also some hidden implications there. Because you wouldn't be able to leave the house without his permission and he'd install a security system which would in emergency situations shut all windows and doors, allowing pretty much only him to enter and leave. It sounds good in his mind and he'd be very happy if you'd willingly follow him in what is essentially a luxurious prison but your consens isn't needed. Don't blame and cuss at him though, he did give you a chance to choose the better option.
🩵 Gojo never listens to you when it involves you telling him to respect your privacy or when you beg and plead him to let you go as he doesn't take you seriously. You can play hard to get if you want to, you can try to despise him as much as you want but that only mean isolation and even less space for you as he forcefully inserts himself in your daily routine as much as he wants to. You're able to get away with a lot of things simply because Gojo doesn't deem you as any threat to him but that doesn't mean that you can be a brat all you want. Perhaps a reminder of what he's capable off should help you to control your temper a bit better. He's just saying, he could easily break your legs or ruin friends and family of yours. Why don't you just give in? The future would be bright and filled with everything you'd want as the man would ensure to spoil you rotten and since he's good in almost everything he tries, he can easily pick up anything for the sole purpose of impressing you. Don't abuse his trust though because around you Gojo actually feels secure enough to be vulnerable which takes a lot for him to do. So if you'd ever try to escape him, you'd see what lies beyond that playful grin of his.
Geto Suguru
🗻 You get to know him yet really don't under the disguise of a Buddhist priest you often find yourself visiting his temple after the advice of a friend as recently you have experienced weird dreams and feel constantly tired and heavy. A curse clinging to you yet you don't know that and are simply another monkey who collects curses for him. That is all you are, a monkey who Geto so desperately wants to murder yet something about you is different, something that Suguru can't quite pinpoint but it's enough for you to stay permanently on his mind, much to his disdain. His hatred for all non-sorcerers makes Geto quite dangerous as his sworn hatred constantly clashes with his ever-growing affection which he locks away deep inside of himself. Newfound hatred specifically pointed against you has led him multiple times close to allowing curses to kill you yet none of them do so in the end as if sensing that the Curse User himself isn't able to do so, his own will the thing that ultimately always stops them and with that the manifestation of his weakness, his soft spot. A human.
🗻 His love is twisted as the knowledge that he feels so strongly about a non-sorcerer throws him into a new abyss of his mind and it reveals a sadistic, possessive and controlling side of himself. He uses his curses to haunt you and wear you down to force you into visiting him far often since his presence helps you as he puts on his most charming fake persona to lure you into a sense of security. Some of the more intelligent curses are used to spy on you and deliver information whilst Suguru is busy conjuring up his plan to murder every other non-sorcerer. He's very manipulative as he slowly gets into your head as his advice of what you should do help you as he orders the curses to leave you if you do as he tells you and it foolishly leads you into trusting him as you open up to him about a lot of things. You're blinded by his gentle smile and charming attitude, almost too trusting but that's alright. Suguru gradually comes to term with his feelings as he starts changing his perspective. Animals have an order about who is better than others and if the rest of non-sorcerers is a bunch of crude monkeys, he likes to see you as a fine and rare feline, as something more sophisticated and elegant.
🗻 Jealousy would require for him to feel threatened or insecure by someone and with his condescending look on non-sorcerers, that never happens. Now, obviously you don't know anything about sorcerers and curses, still blissfully naive about the true danger the man in front of you really is but Suguru shows lenience. You might be slightly above monkeys but ultimately you're still underneath sorcerers so he can't expect you to know any better just yet. If there is something going on in your life though such as someone courting you, you crushing on someone or, heaven forbid, you actually getting into a relationship with someone, he always finds out. His anger shortly flares up when he's informed about it but the next time you see him, he has reassumed that gentle smile that always calms you down. Non-sorcerers shouldn't even be able to touch you and leave their stench on you, he definitely needs you to drop anyone who would even think of you in that way. You're better than that, he'll help you remove the bad influence scum has on you. Normally you always trust him with such matters so if he ever finds out that you've kept something like that a secret from him, he views it as an act of disobedience.
🗻 Suguru's goal is it to isolate you from everyone, including your own friends and family as all of them are disgusting, soon to be dead anyways. He can easily discard people around him if they are non-sorcerers or should stand in his way and even if it is irritating to see you struggle to do the same, he tries to be reasonable. You don't know any better after all, you were born into their world and are brainwashed but that's alright. Because he will fix everything for you. Perhaps the scariest part of all is that Geto truly believes to do you a favor as you haven't seen how ugly the weak are and what they do to cling onto the delusion that they aren't. Everyone you cherish holds no worth to him besides maybe bait to manipulate and blackmail you once you've taken your rose-tinted glasses off and realize what he really is capable of. Their worth lasts for him only that long though before he decides to cut all of your ties with them completely, removing everyone from your life and leaving you all alone. Don't waste any time crying over them as they aren't worth it. They aren't even worth remembering, he can promise you that soon you'll stop caring about them altogether.
🗻 An abduction is a guarantee and merely bears the question of when it will happen. Suguru has to make some preparations for that day though as he knows that he needs to inform his fellow curse users and the curses that aren't aware of it yet about his new addition soon. It goes against anything he stands for and fights for and Suguru fully understands that but ultimately he manages to convince them as he emphasizes that you are in no way an equal, words he truthfully means. You're a possession he plans to keep and whilst he shall cherish and treasure you, you'll also have to learn how to submit and obey as soon as you're taken in. Everything comes crashing down onto you on the day where you enter the temple but never leave again as Geto finally pulls the rug out from under you and reveals who he truly is. A smile that once comforted you now terrifies you as freedom and privacy are rights taken away from you unless you follow his rules and obey. You wouldn't want to disappoint him and earn yourself a punishment after all, would you?
🗻 Your life is never the same afterwards as it is, in fact, not your own anymore. It all lays now in Suguru's hands who is the one orchestrating your whole life. You have a strict set of rules that you always have to follow and for most things that aren't included in your schedule, you need to ask for permission from him and silently accept if he denies you your request. You're always watched when he isn't at home, either by other curse users or by curses. The latter is especially terrifying as he never informs you fully in the beginning of the world of sorcerers fully simply to test you and let you bask in the illusion of having a chance to escape when in reality you don't. Geto always finds you and hands out a punishment for your failed attempt, keeps the secret up for a while until he decides to tell you the whole truth, slightly disappointed with how often you might have tried to run away at that point and by this point, the knowledge that you were always watched and never had a chance to begin with cracks something inside of you and the new world you find yourself in terrifies you.
#yandere bungo stray dogs#yandere bungou stray dogs#yandere bsd#yandere fukuzawa#yandere fukuzawa yukichi#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere jjk#yandere itadori#yandere itadori yuji#yandere megumi#yandere fushiguro megumi#yandere nobara#yandere kugisaki nobara#yandere gojo#yandere gojo satoru#yandere geto#yandere geto suguru
554 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey it's nanowrimo. i have tips bc i've done it about 34 times.
Don't edit. Ever. Stop it. If you just decide to start a new project half thru this one with all new characters, no problem. pick up and keep writing as if you'd already written the first half of that.
"but i spelled it wrong" whatever. "but the grammar" whatever. make it exist first. no time for sense. think like you're working on a typewriter. no backspace. only forward go.
Don't re-read further than a paragraph or two backwards. "did i mention the gun before?" listen - it doesn't matter. if you need there to be a gun there, the gun is there. put it back in once you finish the book.
"i forgot the specifics of X thing i already wrote" whatever. change it, make a note/comment to figure it out later, and just write what makes sense for the moment. "no raquel it's legit the characters name and origin" idc that character is now reborn as Claudius from Elsewhere. it's fine.
only you see your mistakes. nobody else knows. one of the ways writing and dance overlap - only you know the choreography. nobody else will know if you miss a step, so just keep dancing and pretend you meant to do it like that.
it's an illusion that you need to write linearly - from point A to point B to point C. Nah; that's just timeline propaganda. I've written a LOT of books out of order and just reordered them once i've finished. if you have a scene you'd LOVE to write but can't get there yet because of plot, just fuckin write the scene. I've always found its easier to establish "point F" "point J" and "Point A" and then wiggle my way between those scenes.
write what you WANT to write. 230 pages of smut? of well-researched discussion on bread? whatever. the point is to strengthen muscles however you can.
if you miss a day, a week, whatever. not the end of the world. we all have dry days. also time is a myth so u can do this challenge whenever u want.
as soon as you try to write for a specific audience, you kill your voice. you are writing for yourself. stop thinking about how people will take ur book. it don't matter. what matter is u, enjoying writing. i luv u.
play to your strengths. i have characters talk so much because i don't know how to write a plot if it kills me but i'm really good at dialogue so.
i love a flight of fancy. write a poem in there. shift tactics and write in code. keep it fun for yourself.
see what happens if you shift something major about ur main characters - gender, wealth, superpowers. or if you change point-of-view. or if you kill everyone in a big explosion. do NOT edit anything before this or after it. often these little weird one-off exercises teach me what interests me about what i'm working on. it is never what i thought. plus it is a fun way to add like 1k words.
stretch.
it's for fun and for practice. stop doing that project if it's giving you anxiety. once my nano was literally 50k words of half-started stories. just things i tried and tried and tried and wasn't able to flesh out. oops. but i am now 50k words of a better writer.
add dragons?
read books/listen to books on tape/etc. people often make the mistake of "buckling down" to just write. you need inspiration. you need to like. fill up on words. you need to remember how it feels to lose yourself in a story.
i don't have the time or space to really talk about this in this post but a lot of creative people turn to drugs/alcohol because it can help you be more creative. this is harmful, and walking a blade that only cuts deep. if you notice you and your loved ones are turning more to substances, please know i love you and i hope you are able to get help soon. i feel like this almost never gets mentioned because it's kind of a hazy underbelly to art. you are always more important than the work.
on that note. drink your fukin. water.
don't talk about a story until you've finished it. once you tell the story, it exists already, and isn't about discovery. i usually have a very canned "haha we'll see" response.
grapes :) tasty snack.
i love you be free.
#edit: the command not to talk about it is from personal experience!#i have heard Otherwise in the tags so i will edit to say:#if you've noticed that you tend to like Talk A Lot about ur piece but never WRITE it -#consider voice-to-text#also#u might be like me and ... need to figure it out on the PAGE and not OUT LOUD#i am often an auditory processor so i wont tell people specifics but i'll be like#huh. so i have a character who is in love .... and they don't know it#and my friend will be like ''oh they should kiss' and meanwhile#somehow#saying it out loud im like#yeah thank u ur right the dress SHOULD be purple that's what the problem has been <3#idk!!! it's up to you!!! my suggestion is to say LESS until you know for a FACT that saying MORE works better for you#-- always better to slowly unspool in ur exploration of that#than to accidentally talk too much and get Bored Of Project#idk idk idk#i have adhd so every book surprises me bc im like#wait where did any of this even COME FROM#and whatever little gremlin in my brain that writes is like :)#''heyyy girlie.......''#WHICH IS A LONG WAY TO SAY:#i didn't know about Not Talking About It as an option until i'd ruined a few projects!!#but there are people who need to do the other thing!!! and i love us both!!!!#wow brains are so funny!!!!
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Apple Pie and You and I (And a Baby!)
The Seresins finding out about baby was the most highly voted option after the first part and so I'm delighted to share this as a new instalment! Warnings; pregnancy.
part 1
As a proud and loving husband, Jake Seresin had been head instigator of every family planning conversation you can remember, often piping up with "C'mon darlin', let me put a baby in ya, hm?" when he was loving on you. Whether he was kissing you playfully in the kitchen or caring for and caressing you in the bedroom, he'd meant every word, every time. The absence of birth control and 3 months of pure Seresin talent and dedication had led to a handful of positive tests and many joyful tears as you'd told him the good news.
"Jake" you'd whispered softly, his eyebrows furrowing in concern while he'd watched the tears track your cheeks, seeping into the fibres of his tight black t-shirt. "Jake, honey, we're having a baby. We did it." His stature had slackened, mouth opening as if to speak, omitting nothing but the breath that had been knocked out of him entirely at the news. All too soon though, he's holding you close and those green eyes you so adore hold so many promises before he even utters a word.
"Oh honey...a baby? Really?" You can remember the shine in his eyes and the dimpled grin that smothered his face. "One of our own that's gonna look like you - oh honey I adore you." Before you could even speak again, he'd followed up with a quick "and you" while tenderly rubbing the pad of his thumb over your stomach.
Reacting to the news was never going to be the issue for Jake. The issue was that he was too darn proud to keep the news quiet until you hit the 12 week mark. You're pretty certain the local gas station workers, his mechanic, and half the staff at your local coffee place know of Baby Seresin. All anyone would need to see to figure out the source of his happiness is the inside of his locker - the reminders for why he does his job. There, he cherishes an older photograph of you both on a date, one of you on honeymoon, and now plastered to the inside of the metal container is a shiny square monochromatic picture of a blob. The best, most advanced little blob in the whole world, if you asked him.
Being at the family ranch for a couple of weeks had proven to be challenging, each passing day finding Jake growing more and more impatient in having to wait to tell his family the news. The Seresins were close - so emphatically empathetic to each others' circumstances and emotions that you both knew they'd all be thrilled for you both and beg you to stay longer, ask a million questions, and volunteer for babysitting duties immediately.
So on the morning commencing that glorious twelfth week, as the sun rose up over the Seresin ranch, you were not surprised in the slightest to find Jake already awake and rubbing your belly, gazing at you as if you hung the moon and stars in the sky. "Today's the day, Mama" he'd grinned, like a child on Christmas day, "Mom's gonna cry, I just know it. She'll say 'Oh Jacob, oh my Jacob a father himself! And maybe this'll be the first Seresin girl in this generation too!'" he stated, toning his voice higher than usual, making you giggle. A sound he would never tire of hearing.
"Well, we just want them healthy. There's always the next one," you tease as he shuffles back up the bed to you, leaning over you on one arm before working his typical charm with a cocked eyebrow; "Honey I’d give you ten little Seresins if that’s what you wanted. All you gotta do is ask." In response, you spend a couple more hours in bed, making plans in between some soft, whispered loving in his creaky childhood bed.
By lunchtime you'd both managed to dress and get ready for the day. Being a bright and warm Saturday, preparations were already underway for the big family lunch set out each weekend. Kids scrambling around the table, older cousins placing cutlery out in a clatter, Aunts passing water cups and sparkling ciders around while most of the Uncles cheer over the football game before it’s turned off to enjoy the "precious family time" as Grammie calls it. Everyone knows it's in their best interest to respect Grammie's wishes.
Dinner is served and no one questions your sobriety since many others opt for a water on the hot May afternoon. Grammie and Momma have been cooking a delicious home-grown and home-made pot pie that Jake remembers eating as a child himself around the very same table he sits at now with you. Soon, his own child will sit and eat this pot pie with clumsy hands and a smile that he truly hopes matches yours. With a squeeze of your hand, he signals to you he's ready tell the world your exciting news.
Clearing his throat, Jake stands, his broad shoulders allowing him to be easily noticed as people continue to chew but turn to face the handsome aviator. "First of all, I gotta say...it is so good to be back in the country, we are so at home here and we love y'all so much." You watch as his sisters smile, his Momma hanging on his words as if she could predict their importance. " Anyways...I see many people around the table, all that have a little bit of that good old Seresin spirit in them. Well, we have some news." The room is silent - the younger ones adore their Uncle Jake and hang on his every word, or are too busy eating to make a sound. "My beautiful wife here has a little Seresin spirit growin right inside her. Our own slice of heaven, due t'arrive a’couple weeks before Christmas."
As expected, the entire room erupts. Momma Seresin is the first to make her way to you, pulling you in for a hug as his sisters follow suit, squealing and bubbling over with excitement. In amongst the beautiful chaos, you see how Jake's Dad and other family members shake his hand in congratulations, smothering him in hugs when given the chance.
"Be gentle with her please, ladies. Precious cargo." You hear your husband's voice, dripping like honey with sheer pride and elation as they continue to fuss over you. Over the million questions and tight squeezes you feel, you know that to be surrounded by such love and care is a true blessing - there is an entire army supporting your growing family, and Jake is leading the charge.
As everyone sits back down to digest the news and ask even more questions, Momma pipes up, wiping her eyes with her handkerchief, keeping her son close to her at the table. "Oh y’all are gonna be the best parents, my Jacob, a father! My baby havin' a baby of his own!"
Noticing that Grammie has stayed quiet, you watch her view the joyful family interactions with a tearful smile while looking over proudly at Jake. Your eyes are shiny too while your hand moves freely to your stomach, as if reassuring your baby that they truly are so loved already. You're not quite showing yet - much to Jake's dismay - but you have an inkling that those Seresin genes will catch up quickly.
You find Jake's hand, gazing up at him as he answers questions, shining with pride while you're happy to sit and hold your little belly close. "We're gonna come back as much as possible too, really wanna give 'em the same childhood as I had here in Texas..." he looks to you and smiles. "We're just excited to bring a baby into the world that gets to be a part of this family." He swallows thickly and you know he's holding it together as best as he can.
Before his words decide to fail him, one of his cousins taps his bottle of cider and raises it up in the air. "A toast!" he announces; "To a new child, grandchild, great grandchild, cousin, niece or nephew….and to the girl who’s makin a daddy outta Jacob Seresin. The boy done good, we wish y’all all the joy with your bundle. To the newest baby Seresin!"
Everyone raises their glasses in the air, repeating the toast to your littlest love before cheering and drinking together, while Jake swoops in for the sweetest kiss.
#hangman x reader#apayai#jake seresin x reader#jake hangman seresin x reader#top gun fic#jake seresin fic#jake hangman seresin#fluff
759 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐃𝐎𝐍‘𝐓 𝐁𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐄𝐋
after you were trying your hardest, over and over again, to make your relationship work yet still failing in the end, you ultimately decided it‘d be better to end it with scaramouche.
୨୧ WORD COUNT: 1.7k
୨୧ WARNINGS: angst, gn! reader, mention of past intimacy between each other, break up, slight yan ?? a sprinkle, scara‘s overwhelmed and doesn‘t know how to be normal.
love.
love is kind, patient. As calm as a rural sea on a silent night.
love takes delight in the truth, in mutual understanding and trust. It never takes offense, it is not resentful.
additionally, love is able to forgive, to hope and to endure so why, why did your love fly away, with no strings and a pair of attached, imaginary wings on their back?
how often did you try to see the once shining radiant light in midst the insufferable darkness you called your relationship with scaramouche.
being guided by nothing but sorrow, you remembered that it wasn‘t always like that, was it?
as a strong believer in the saying of ”whatever you held onto about yourself will eventually come true“, you had manipulated yourself into thinking just that, which had later on caused a swell of deep hope to cover the majority of your burning heart.
you manifested for your relationship to take a sharp turn after barely overstepping each hard coming without escaping unscattered.
committing to a relationship was first and foremost, to accept each trait your significant other had, it truly didn't matter if it was good or bad as long as you were well equipped enough to be there for them.
but when does that not apply anymore?
exactly when it seemed as if you were forgetting about your own well being.
you see, you can twist and turn the narrative but in the end it was obvious that scaramouche had to work through more than 'just' a few hardships.
maybe it would be better for his own health to be alone for a while, to find his true nature and gather a newfound feeling of love towards himself before being able to hold love towards another person.
with an aching, deep throb in your heart, you opened the door to the bedroom you once shared as you spotted your boyfriend, well, soon to be ex boyfriend right away, sitting on the edge of the bed, his sight lowered towards the cold floor.
"you‘re here."
with the burn of pain those words caused alone, the idea of holding yourself back was in vein, scaramouche had you already figured out from the start so hiding the blatant truth would only feed into each negative aspect of the conversation that was developing right now.
"you told me to come, why shouldn't i be here?"
it was strange, truly, the immediate change in his usual tone was apparent, scaramouche sounded distant, as if he already knew what was coming next.
breaking away from your frozen stance, you proceeded to close the bedroom door, each small step well thought out until you were as close as necessary, proceeding.
"can you look at me?"
no matter how much you wanted to get this heartfelt decision over with, you still desired to end it properly, without leaving unanswered questions hidden which would sooner or later poke your mind, more so eat you from the inside out until nothing was left to be devoured.
for a short amount of time, he did not speak, his arms were resting on his thighs as he kept his eyes pierced towards the cold wooden floor, never daring to break away.
you gave him the time, as much as he sought after. At the back of your mind ominous darkened thoughts found refuge in, a cold spider like sensation was swarming up and down the entirety of your spine, deepening the restraint in your voice.
you watched in silence, thousands of questions prowling through your cloudy mind as he, in a trice, decided to speak up, "how ungraciously backward you can be, to force me through this."
the inner voice inside you churned through your body, desperately warning you, a dazed look of bewilderment crossing the irritated state your face was trapped in.
"what do you mean by that?"
with an attempt to keep your trembling lip under control, you gathered the soft flesh in between your teeth, only a tiny bit until the self restraint of your body returned to you.
"i mean it exactly how i said it." on a heavy sigh, he continued with a demeaning voice, the epitome of gradient turmoil blistering your heart, you absolutely despised it whenever he got to talk to you in that precise manner.
"you know my past and yet you still persist." at his final word, he at last, lifted his head to meet your glowing eyes, glowing for the wrong reasons that is as they were welling up with warm tears.
"what do you expect me to do kuni?"
scaramouche flinched at the name you decided to use, after all, it was long forgotten yet whenever you said it, whenever you referred to him with it, it sounded all the more familiar and intimate.
"nothing.. nothing."
swarmed with the view of him, your throat seized. Indigo eyes, crystallized mind, his attention on you was heavy as you decided to move forward, cautiously taking a seat next to him.
the mattress shifted of your added weight, there was no point in arguing but for some unexplained, fucked up reason, it always proceeded to end up like this.
"i never intended to hurt you, but i'm at my limit." the tears in you made your eyes glimmer, the previous confidence that was utterly dominant upon approaching the bedroom before, was long gone with your head hung low, but you still desired to finish what you had started.
"it's always the same, it will always end the same."
much to your surprise, scaramouche for once decided to listen to you. You were wary of the sudden change in mannerism but didn't complain, it gave off a pleasant way to articulate what you wanted to say to him.
"and we need to break up in order to get better."
another hesitation in your voice, he immediately noticed, his throat loosening with an approaching laugh, "oh, so that's how it is."
with a tumble forward, he got off the bed to stand tall, his shoulders tugged back in a confident stance, turning around yet again.
"you just want to cast me aside too, don't you?"
this wasn't fair, how could this possibly be fair in any other occasion?
all the preparation to this conversation, thrown aside, the burning, heartbreaking feeling was tearing you apart, as if trapped in a maze, one you couldn't escape, one that got smaller within each minute, one that would squeeze you to death by the very end.
"you don't see my point, can you at least try to understand?" the past was continuously invading the present, it was devastating.
"can i try, what?" he draws one touch on you, only one, forcefully grabbing your chin in between his fingers to make you look at him, but still keeping the contact with your skin light, as to not hurt you.
your throat grew tighter as a natural response to the once cold air becoming thicker as you spoke, each sentence alluring the feature.
silent anger, like true liquid fire but it didn't spill, he kept it to himself while only showing short nuances of the burning ache eating away his blazing core.
mindlessly sitting on the edge of terror, you bristled on the faint independence you had left in yourself.
"i will always love you, but don't you realize that right now, you're literally showing me why it won't work."
scaramouche could no longer see anything but the threat of losing you, he couldn't hear you, not anymore, his mind was at risk to collapse and break, the hand on your chin beginning to tremble.
is it possible to scream without screaming? to cry without crying or to die without dying? because to scaramouche it felt as if those things were happening to him, right this second in front of you.
"what about all those times we made love to each other, hm? does this mean nothing to you anymore?"
a tear, barely to be perceived, danced around the corner of his eye as it spilled, alone and lost, plastering the cold floor.
"or when you told me that you'll never leave like the rest of them?"
scaramouche remembered those distinct feelings within his chest now, how hysterical laughable, he thought he had long since disposed of them entirely.
yet the one you managed to awake in him was still there, like a micro organism feeding on its damaged host, eating away the spirit until death was inevitable.
the first time he had perceived those world-shattering emotions, he was cast aside by his creator, his mother.
the words you intended to say were murdered in your throat, rejected, "i don't know what to say."
each decision had a consequence laced around it, some more gruesome than the other.
"you don't have to say anything." his innermost self, his being, gathered the last courage to lock his eyes with yours before lastly letting go of your chin, straightening his posture.
you felt the chill in your blood, ice water in your veins, the silence in your ears, the death of your failing relationship. Part of the pain, you could endure.
but could he?
"i should go." with clear, pure agony in your soul, you ultimately rose up from your seat to pass him and reach the door to the exit.
he stood still, not moving an inch of his tensed muscles, letting his thoughts walk out around him, in search of something he knew he couldn't get, at least not now.
"if you think that's the end."
scaramouche didn't intend to finish his sentence to you, nor reveal it, more so did it involuntarily divulge out of him.
what he meant by that was unclear to the both of you, it lingered both unpredictability and uncertainty in the air.
something was not right but you could not decipher the darkened suspicion with your alarm bells pointing right towards them.
it was the end, like a book you closed after reading through it, even if you dared to pick it up again, nothing would change in it.
your relationship was nothing but a broken mirror within a casted ray of sunlight, damaged and split as you left at last, scrambling the final steps out of the apartment you once shared.
to turn around, to watch you go, with the world around him animating death.
passed by limitless silence, he closed his eyes, endlessly consuming the darkness that were his thoughts.
and so, it wasn‘t a tear that slowed out of him, but a hysterical laugh, side splitting and crazy, as he commented for the very last time.
"how foolish you can be, dear."
©2022 anantaru do not share, copy, translate
#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche x you#genshin impact x you#genshin x you#genshin impact scaramouche#scaramouche x y/n#genshin impact angst#genshin angst#genshin impact x reader angst#scaramouche angst#genshin scaramouche#kunikuzushi x reader#wanderer x reader#genshin impact wanderer#genshin impact kunikuzushi#tw yandere#yandere scaramouche#genshin impact yandere
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
You've encountered site changes over time as a fan elder, what do you make of Tumblr potentially being put out to pasture? Tumblr was my coming of age fan site, and im looking for advice to transition to the next thing with grace and less bitterness than I feel now.
--
Ahaha. God, you should have heard the howling about LJ. "Fandom is over!" "Never again shall we dwell in fandom's True Home!" etc.
Hell, this endless "only LJ was good" crap turns up in replies here on posts where I as OP have very clearly laid out why that's rose colored glasses nonsense and you can so make friends on tumblr, have a conversation on tumblr, etc.
I had my crabby phase about this during the transition from Yahoo Groups to LJ. A lot of the real olds had it over paper zines and the transition to the internet.
I don't know if reading these hilariously samey old posts would help. It does give perspective, I think.
--
As for what you should do, do what I did with Tumblr:
1.
Look around to identify the Next Thing fandom is going to camp out on.
It may take a few guesses and some time to figure this out. You will likely not be an early adopter. Fandom was well established here by the time I joined at the end of 2010. Of course, by now, all those 2009 and before accounts are long gone, but at the time, I was a n00b joining other people's space despite having been in fandom for ages.
2.
Don't expect to enjoy it
I didn't join tumblr because I liked it. In fact, I despised it. I kept right on despising it until a brief stint in Sherlock fandom, a fandom that was so active here at the time that I was able to finally see the good aspects of the site's structure and features.
This is the mistake a lot of people make. They give things a cursory try, don't enjoy them, and go "not for me", forgetting that the last site also had a steep learning curve that was either difficult or that they didn't notice because they were in a different phase of their life.
Bitterness and grief are, frankly, an inherent part of the process. You can try not to be a debbie downer in your public comments, but you can't just not feel those things during the awkward part of the transition. Sometimes, acting positive and cutting off excessively negative thoughts can make you feel less negative overall, but it doesn't happen immediately.
3.
Accept that feeling cranky and old is both a you problem and a state of mind, not a property of the new site
Relatedly, the way we remember fandom platform X feeling usually has more to do with us being in college with fandom friends down the hall or having discovered Our People for the first time or some other time when we had a lot of energy and positive emotions. Often, we were in the throes of a first or new fandom love too, probably for some megafandom that other people also cared about at the same time.
When fandom is leaving some site, there's a grieving process anyway, but we're also often in a worse part of our lives for starting new things. We're busy. We're tired. We're between fandoms. We feel like we already paid our dues to build up our community. Why should we have to start again?
But let me tell you, you always need to start again eventually. I go to a weekly vidders' zoom chat, and a lot of the people in there are old as balls, including Kandy, the person who invented vidding back in the 70s. She's a lot of decades and a few cancers in, and she had to relearn how to vid on a computer after transitioning from slideshows to VCR vidding back in the day. If bad health, platform changes, and dead friends were going to stop her, she'd be long gone.
It's like sharks: you stop swimming, you die.
This isn't just about fandom, obviously. It's about avoiding a midlife crisis and, later, about avoiding feeling emotionally geriatric even when your body is falling apart.
Change gets us all, but being mentally old is a choice. The real reason I gave tumblr such a try was that I had been so resistant to getting on LJ. I was 20. Even a year later, it was fucking embarrassing to have been a crotchety old hag as a college student. I promised myself I'd soldier through the next change instead of dragging my feet about it. And it totally worked in the end! But boy did it not make the transition any less unpleasant emotionally!
4.
Find your joy
As is obvious from the above, the vast majority of the problem is just emotions. Fandom has been on a million broken sites with shitty features. We go where the people are, regardless of whether it has the technological aspects we liked at the last place. The actual shape of that platform is largely irrelevant.
What does matter is whether we as an individual fan are still excited and happy about something. I was between fandoms recently and went looking around for BL series I hadn't watched yet. People kept suggesting things set in the present day with too-cheesy production values and too many banal schoolboys in modern day settings without even anything spicy going on. I realized that the BL/danmei scene wasn't really cutting it for me and I should go for production values and genre and non-canon ships. You probably scrolled annoyedly past the picspams that resulted.
(Of course, hilariously, someone has now shown me the trailer of Red Peafowl, so someone may be making BL that feels like it's for me after all. Look at all that badwrong and very dark color grading.)
When you're in a good place emotionally, it's a hell of a lot easier to weather any change, and when you have a new fandom, it's a lot easier to connect with other fans.
A lot of people wait around for lightning to strike twice. They found their first fandom by accident, and they expect it to happen seamlessly again. For me, it's far more productive to brute force it: collect up a big list of what's popular or what's new and go through it till you find things you might like, then try them all.
And part of this, obviously, is not waiting for other fans to make the party happen. The more you need to join something other people are already doing, the less choice you'll have in fandoms or in platforms. If you aren't picky and just go where the tropey longfic is, that can work, but even then, favorite authors disappear or go to fandoms you hate and former megafandoms dry up. If you're the one bringing the party, it's a lot easier to find a new fandom or platform or community to have fun in.
265 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shino Aburame Relationship HCs
I love bug boy. I’ve had things in my drafts for him for so long.
Warnings: NSFW (marked off clearly if you don’t want to read)
SFW:
If you listened to him when he spoke, instead of interrupting him or speaking over him without noticing, he’d feel appreciated.
However, he is still iffy on things, even then, for a while. Like if you say his name last, he’ll take it to heart even if the order of names wasn’t important.
He’ll take not being the first person on your mind personally.
But overtime, if you treat him like you see him, he’ll notice that.
And eventually, he falls for you. Probably before you really did for him, considering he’s a bit quiet.
If you’re quiet too, that’s okay. Things might just move slower.
But if you’re a bit or way more talkative, he’ll enjoy listening to you. He finds he doesn’t mind constant talking and rambling if it’s from you. He likes to listen to every detail and try to commit things he may need to know later to his memory.
Overtime, you’d find yourself falling for him. After all, once you get to know him you’ll realize he’s committed to protecting his friends and his bugs. And really he’s quite kind hearted.
Now it can be a little hard to be with him if you’re not willing to discuss bugs.
He won’t make you hold them if you don’t like them. In fact, if you’re afraid of them, he figures it may be best if you don’t handle them for their and your safety. Mostly theirs because they’re easy to hurt.
But you at least have to be willing to discuss and learn about bugs. After all, I hc him as autistic (I think he is 100% coded to be autistic. He’s a lot like me so I can totally see it) so that’s his special interest.
And Shino doesn’t easily see a point in engaging in a conversation not about his special interest.
He’ll find he’s willing to listen in about your interests (or special interests or hyperfixations) just because it’s you. And he wants to hear about you, and from you.
I think you’d have to be the one to ask him out.
So you do.
The relationship starts off slow. You’ll slowly get more from him, but he’s slow to open up, or to talk in general.
Most dates will be you talking, and him listening.
But you plan a date purposely centered around him, and at first he doesn’t notice, but soon you’re talking about his bugs and he starts to catch on.
You did a lot for him. And he feels special.
Really, the key to his heart is to see him. Make him feel special. Because he really is ❤️
You two garden together if you’re okay with getting your hands a little dirty.
He remembers your favorite flower from times like those when you tell him, and he’ll plant plenty for you. Even buy you some for the next date and special occasions.
He talks so highly of you.
Quiet dates usually.
Or dates where you both infodump.
He’d be perfectly okay with just existing in the same space quietly if you like that.
Eventually you’ll probably get to see his eyes! Don’t go around telling people what they look like though unless he’s told you that you can. More than likely, that’s more of between you two kind of thing.
If you’re a shinobi, he knows you can protect yourself, but he’d make sure he can cover your back well in anyway you could possibly need so he can protect you.
NSFW:
This takes a long time for him to be ready for.
But when you two are ready, he wants it to be perfect.
It’d have to be when you two are alone together in one of your bedrooms, no possibility of distraction or interruption.
Likely at night.
Your first time with him would be intimate, slow, and careful. A bit awkward too.
I’m willing to bet that he doesn’t often touch himself, so he’s not all that sure how he likes things.
He’ll be discovering a lot about himself with you because it’s not very likely he’s been with anybody before you.
He’s big, and he’s aware of that, though. So he wants to make sure you’re more than ready for him.
He’ll go down on you first if that’s okay with you. Finger you a bit during or after that.
Likely he’ll take his time getting to know exactly how you like things, and eventually it’ll get to the point you’re begging him to just put it in you.
When you see his cock for the first time, you do a double take for sure. He’s huge. And now you’re probably wonder how you’ll be able to handle him.
He’ll go slow, but I totally think this would be the one time he can barely control himself.
He’s so composed and put together most of the time. All serious. But being inside you makes him lose all of that. He’s drunk on you.
He tries to stay quiet, but things totally slip from his throat and out his lips. Quiet, but you notice.
He’s careful not to hurt you, but he’s in euphoria with the way you feel around him so his pace picks up a little bit rather he means to or not.
Now he’s not a minute man, it takes longer for him to cum even if this is 100% the best he’s ever felt in his life.
He cums hard though. And takes a little bit to recover from it, so if you want another round, give him a few minutes to breathe.
I think things with him would be rather vanilla (this might be projection tho, bc I’m a basic boring vanilla bitch)
He insists on using a condom and any means of protection you two can if you aren’t planning on having little kids running around any time soon.
Thank you for reading. I love Shino sm. If you have requests for him, send them in. Please.
#shino aburame#i love shino#i love him#Shino x reader#Shino aburame x reader#Shino#naruto shino#naruto x reader#naruto smut#Shino smut#Shino aburame smut#Aburame Shino#Aburame#naruto#naruto Shippuden#he’s canonically packing cmon yall#Aburame shino x reader#naruto Shino x reader#Shino Shippuden#adult Shino#naruto Shippuden x reader#naruto x you#Shino x you#Shino aburame x you#Shino HCs#Shino aburame hcs#naruto relationship hcs#relationship hcs
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
loyalty to the raging tempest
CW: This contains spoilers from the new archon quest. Read at your own discretion.
"You can start a new life here if you want to."
The God of Wisdom's words echo in your mind as you watch your Lord's unmoving figure on the hospital bed. You saw his fall, from the proud and cruel harbinger to a lifeless puppet who had its heart taken away. With Scaramouche's defeat and the Fatui branding you a traitor for refusing to return with the Doctor, you had nowhere else to go… until the Dendro Archon offered you sanctuary in her region.
"Gravedigger… You will regret this." The Doctor spits with the promise of your death.
"I'm sure the matra would be willing to take you in. Creating a final resting place for the dead is also necessary." In contrast, the Dendro Archon's kindness promised protection.
She was right. Under her watchful gaze, no one will be able to lay a hand on you in Sumeru. You can leave everything behind; even the pitiful puppet in front of you. Truthfully, Scaramouche was an awful person. No one in the Fatui liked him and your colleagues would often give you pitying looks once you got summoned to his side. You've lost count of how many times you were punished for not following his orders perfectly.
But still, for some reason, you can't leave him alone. Perhaps it's because of the way he looked at you when you first met. The look of recognition, fury, and something else. You remember him looming over you, staring at your dirt-covered body - the result of digging tirelessly in the cold mornings of Snezhnaya, all in an effort to create a tomb for a soldier you hardly know. Once you lock eyes, you see a raging tempest and you wonder what he's seeing when he looks at you.
"Pitiful. What's with that look in your eyes? Are you merely a doll who knows nothing more than to roll around in the dirt? Perhaps I should call you a rat."
You nod, but that seemed to make him angrier. As insulting as his words are, you really don't know anything else. In a distant memory, you see the blurry faces of your mother and father, hear their whispers of your duties and how it is important to create a final resting place, you remember the old shovel they handed you before you dug your first grave and the sight of their backs as they left for a mission and never returned.
You feel his attack before you see it. Your vision glows and you parry the blade of electro he sends towards you. You get thrown back, and you feel the air get knocked out of your lungs as you slam into a tree.
"...Good. It seems you're not entirely hopeless."
You stand up on shaky legs, tensing as he steps closer and closer. He scoffs as you raise your weapon defensively. He probably thought fighting you was mere child's play.
"Work under me. I'm sure I can find some use for a little rat like you."
And he did find some use for you. Before you knew it, you became his right hand… or maybe "errand runner" was a better description for your job. "The Balladeer's Servant", others would whisper behind your back as they see you tailing the Harbinger's figure. You were at his beck and call and usually the one that bears the brunt of his anger (or as you like to call it in your head - his temper tantrums.) It was exhausting work; trying to keep up with his demands.
But sometimes, you would see the eye of the storm. He was calm in those times, his voice losing the sharp edge it always seemed to have - like a storm temporarily diminishing into a gentle, soothing rain.
"What are you looking at? …The cherry trees?"
He hums, tipping his hat up as he stares at the lush pink trees, not minding the rain of petals falling on him due to the strong gust of wind. You think that he looks very beautiful.
"I don't need anything. Just stay there and don't make a sound."
You watch him collapse in pain after enduring the Doctor's experiments. Regardless of his protests, you help him get settled on his bed. You silently question why he doesn't see himself as a human. After all, he feels pain and suffering, just like everyone else.
Your current situation reminded you of those quiet nights with only the candle light to keep you company. But instead of seeing your Lord's eyes open the next day, he's been asleep for more than two months. Just as you think he's never going to wake up, he stirs from his slumber one morning, jolting you awake.
"...My Lord?" You call, making his pretty eyes focus on you.
"You're still here?" He mutters in disbelief, like he expected you to be gone from his side.
"Why wouldn't I be? I pledged loyalty to you, didn't I?"
Your honest words stun him into silence. He narrows his eyes, looking for a lie, a hint of deception and desire for personal gain.
He finds none. Just an honest fool that he picked up from the dirt littered with flowers and concrete.
"Idiot."
.
.
.
"̵͉̐̈́S̷͍̜̓c̶̱͎̈ă̸̕��̪r̴͚͎̉̍ă̵̤m̴̻̃̀ö̴̤̣́̈́u̷͍̙̽c̷͓̘͠h̷͈̟̉̀ė̸̗"̷͚͍͒̚ ̶̲̈ǎ̸̲͋ń̶͖̥̐d̷͉̒ ̴̤͍͗̀"̸̬̳̈K̴̤̤͝ả̵̰̈͜b̶̦̱͝u̶͖͚͋ķ̷͆̀ì̵̦̙̓m̸͓̥̑ô̸̠̥͝ṉ̴̦̀͆o̶͖̘͑́"̵̟͂ ̸͖̆̀ͅw̷͕͆̊ǐ̶̺̮l̷̦͋̅l̴͔̹̈́ ̴̫͗̾ç̵̖͋́ẽ̶̯̺ả̸͎̒ş̴̪͒e̶̳̼̍ ̵͍̱̿t̸̬̍̀ọ̸̩̒̍ ̶̻̯̿̚e̷̤̎̚x̵̼͗ì̷͉͈s̴̯̈̈t̸̡̻́.̸̬̏
.
.
.
"Do you… do you remember him?"
A floating fairy that carried the scent of stars asked you as she gestured to the man in blue. Four pairs of eyes stare at you in anticipation as you gaze at the man with a frown. He crosses his arms as he waits for your answer. You weren't expecting this strange turn of events at all. Your life was finally becoming peaceful under the kindness of the Dendro Archon. She gave you a home and a place to work. You needed nothing more. And yet, you feel like things are about to go upside down again with the presence of this strange man.
"I'm sorry. I don't know him." You said. Their gazes turn uneasy and the man in blue's neutral expression breaks for a moment.
"...But I feel like I should." You added, stepping forward to get a closer look. Not expecting the close proximity, he flinches and moves back, as if electrocuted.
"How dare-!"
"What's your name?" You ask, not paying attention to the spark of anger and embarrassment that appeared in his eyes.
"...Give me one." He says with a sigh.
"Pardon?" Did this familiar stranger really ask you to name him?
"How fascinating…" The Dendro Archon mumbles, placing a hand on her chin as she regards you with curious eyes. "Their memories were definitely erased… but somehow, the connection you formed with them was so strong that it resisted the data deletion process. There is a saying that the heart and mind are two separate things. In this case, the mind may have forgotten, but the feeling is still there. It seems you've garnered someone's loyalty regardless of your lack of divinity."
"...I suppose that's enough." The man in blue looks away, tipping his hat over his eyes.
"Well? Have you thought of a name yet?" He addresses you and you find yourself at the center of attention once again. They were actually serious about naming him…
"How about…"
The man in blue closes his eyes. You think you see the corner of his lips twitch upwards into a small smile.
#scaramouche#scaramouche x reader#genshin x reader#wanderer x reader#gn reader#spoilers for the archon quest#writings#genshin impact x reader#i think this was the first time i wrote something for genshin#my first genshin fic and its not even my love venti or husbando ayato#its for this little gremlin#who im starting to like
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
neighbor - m.barzal
masterlist
requested: n
pairings: mat barzal x fem!reader
warnings: mentions of alcohol + mentions of first round 2023 playoffs
a/n: feedback is always appreciated xx
he’s your neighbor for Christs sake, but you can’t help but stare. ever since the very attractive brunette across the way started opening his blinds more, you couldn’t help but feel your eyes gravitate more towards that window.
and how could you not? half the time he’s in an unbuttoned linen shirt and sweatpants walking around his apartment, while the other half he’s dressed to the nines in a suit and tie. needless to say, he’s quite nice to stare at.
he hasn’t caught on, but every so often he pretends to stretch a couple feet away in front of the window to stare at you. he pretty much knows your morning routine, how you get up in nothing but a sports bra and sweatpants, you start your coffee pot first thing, and usually play with your cat for the next thirty minutes before you disappear to work.
he’s seen you in your outfits for the bars to your next morning hungover pajamas, and he’s even seen you when you think nobody else can. it’s okay, he won’t say a thing but he does enjoy the show every so often.
it’s two in the morning when he’s awake, playoffs just about to start his mind can’t help to wander. it’s prompted him to slip outside, enjoy the fresh air to clear his thoughts.
“you look cold.” you say watching his head snap in your direction, you’re met with none other than his eyes. the ones you made bets about how pretty they would be in person, and you were right, they were gorgeous.
“oh,” he says looking down at himself, he’s in nothing but sweatpants and a pair of slides. it didn’t take him until you said something to realize the weather outside his apartment is actually unpleasant, and rather chilly for a man who’s not wearing a shirt.
“I’m y/n, I think my window looks at yours.”
he nods moving over on the bench allowing you to sit, “I’m mat, it’s nice to finally put a name to your face.” he watches you take a seat all the way at the edge, a nervous smile placing your face as you two listen to the sirens and faint voices of the city.
“so why are you awake?” he bites first, pulling his arms across his chest to try and stay warm. it’s too early to invite you back to his place, sit inside his heated space, he’ll just have to make due to keep warm until it’s the right time.
you shrug, “lots to think about, you?” you turn to him and he nods, you watch him run his fingers through his short brown hair. you remember the day he came home with a buzz cut, your friends practically mourned the loss.
“yeah works getting a little competitive I’d say.” he sighs, eyes looking upward at the stars, only a few shine bright in the cities skies. it makes him miss home, the amount of stars he’d see in the sky are much brighter and clearer than the clouded ones of New York.
“is that why you dress up sometimes? sorry, I don’t mean to sound weird I just see you—“
his laugh cuts you off, of all those times you’ve seen him laugh you never expected it to sound like it does against your ears. it brings a smile to your face. “kind of, although I’m supposed to dress clean for work, bosses demand.”
“so that’s why you got a buzz cut?” you ask moving a little closer to him, you can see the goosebumps that decorate his arms.
“that was my own doing.”
“a poor decision if I must say so.” you snap back, watching him roll his eyes in response. he mutters a couple words you can’t hear but you don’t press to figure them out.
“I must say, you’re judging me a lot for someone who wears the same clothes three days in a row.” he sends you a playful wink and you’re thankful for the night lights that don’t cast over your red cheeks of embarrassment.
“I think I’m going to start closing my blinds from you.”
—
he moves in front of his window, suit jack and button up shirt holding two different ties in each hand. holding them up, you move to the window from the kitchen to point at the one you like the most. you’re liking this new found friendship, ever since that late night on the bench, things have been awfully fun and exciting.
you’d go to your window, hold up whatever decision you had and he’d answer with his opinion. you’d see each other on the streets more often than you expected, and sometimes he’d even walk you to your office for work. he was becoming a friend rather than just some neighbor.
“then my friends and I were thinking of going to the bars, you’re more than welcome to come! I’m sure they’d love to meet you.” you nudge his shoulder with your elbow listening to him hiss at the burnt coffee that split over his hand.
“I’d love to but I actually have a date tonight.” he proudly smiles, it’s the first you’d talk about relationships. you always assumed he was single. having not seen a single woman over in his place, unless it was his mother, so it makes since the bachelor was getting lonely in his nice pad.
you’re just not sure why you feel your throat closeup and the saliva in your mouth make it impossible for you to start a sentence.
“but if I change my mind you’ll text me the address?” he stops in front of your office, and all you can do is nod before bidding him a quiet goodbye before rushing up the stairs to the big doors of your building.
when you finally get up there, you heave out a long breath finally feeling your throat clear and salvia dry your mouth. boy, did you have a story to tell your girlfriends tonight.
they were rooting for you two, saying it’s a perfect trope of boy meets girl and boy next door. and yeah maybe you were also rooting for it happen too, because as time went on you developed feelings for him that were more than just a crush. you began to enjoy his company more and more, you just wish maybe he enjoyed it the same amount.
—
when he enters the bar of the location you’ve sent him, it’s not hard to find you. your smile brightens up any room, and can easily be spotted a mile away. after a shitty date, seeing you was all he wanted.
he moves throughout the sweaty bodies, couple of them offer pats to his shoulders congratulating him on the playoffs achievements, but none of those matter. he’s more focused on getting closer to you, and when he does a man that had been blocked by other bodies comes into focus.
he’s got his hand on your hip, as he yells into your ear, whatever it was made you laugh, but nothing like how mat made you laugh. he had the ability to get your full unhinged reaction, your body leaning forward and a snort or two. he thinks it’s cute.
your attention shifts when you recognize that familiar body that’s standing a couple feet away, “mat, you came!” you exclaim, motioning for him to come closer and he does.
“no way you know mat barzal.” the guy you’re talking to is stunned as he extends a hand, mat gladly takes it assuming he’s fan, “I fucking hope the canes destroy you guys.”
mat quick to withdraws his hand from the other guys grip, you give the two a confused look having no clue what they are talking about, “mat barzal, islanders player? please tell me you watch sports.” he laughs. you shake your head slowly looking up at your neighbor, who’s nervously playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck.
“hey man congratulations though!” the guy you’re talking to excuses himself, and you’re pretty sure he won’t be coming back, but that’s fine. mat’s here and from what you remember, it means his date didn’t go as planned.
“so you’re alone, it didn’t go well?” you turn to him and he shrugs a slight nod. he watches you play with the tiny straws in your drink trying to slurp the rest of the liquid.
“how many of those you had?” he chuckles watching you nearly chug half the drink before he jokingly pulls it away from your lips, “easy now.”
“I don’t know, they’ve all been free.”
he laughs watching you sway side to side from the music, but the alcohol that’s following through your body, “why don’t I buy you a glass of water and we can go home?” he offers, you happily nod heading to say goodbye to your friends.
once you’re out the doors of the bar, he drapes his coat around your shoulders and he offers for you to come inside his place. you’re eager to see the rest whether you’ll remember it or not, but you nod following him inside saying hello to his doorman.
when you enter his place most of it isn’t what you expected it to be. it’s minimal decorations, only a few decorative pieces of art work hang on the walls, and a hockey stick hangs above his dinning room table.
“Crosby’s stick. he gave it to me after my first game against him. I nearly cried.” he laughs watching you move across his floors taking in his space, you stop at the infamous window and look inside your apartment.
you can se the hallway that leads to your bedroom, the cat tree where you cat sleeps in, and the living room where you spend most of your time entertaining your boring nights.
“I didn’t realize how much you see of me.” you turn to him, he’s seated on his cream colored couch shaking his head.
“I look over yeah, but I know when to look away.”
“like when?” you dangerously ask, moving to sit beside him on his couch, he positions himself to look at you.
“okay like when you get out of the shower and you have on no towel, I know to look away. I’m not a pervert.” he scoffs having remembered the time his mother was over and nearly had a heart attack at the sight of you.
you gasp, hand covering your mouth, “do not tell me you’ve seen me in nothing but my underwear and bra?!”
he gives you look of confirmation without even saying the words, you hide your face into one of his pillows hearing that beautiful laugh ring your ears, “oh come on! it’s okay, I’m sure you’ve seen me in my underwear before.”
you pull your face away from the pillow with rosy red cheeks, “yeah but that’s different! you walk around in your shorts and nothing on all the time!”
he smirks, “oh so you do watch me?” watching you shove your face into the pillow of embarrassment once more.
“it’s okay, I like knowing it’s you watching me rather than some other girl. I was beginning to think you didn’t notice.”
you pull your face away from the pillow tossing it aside, “what’s that supposed to mean?” you ask, and it’s his faces turn to light up red.
“isn’t it obvious?”
you shake your head, “it’s as obvious as you playing a sport!”
he laughs moving a little closer to you on the couch, “I wouldn’t be asking someone which tie to wear if I didn’t like them a little more than a friend.” he places a hand against your kneecap watching you lean back against his couch.
“you like me more than just a neighbor?”
“I guess it’s not as obvious as I thought it would be.”
you shake your head, “you’re horrible at making things obvious, but it’s okay we can work on it.”
#mat barzal imagine#mat barzal#mat barzal x reader#mat barzal fic#mat barzal fanfiction#mat barzal fluff#mat barzal x y/n#mat barzal x you#hockey imagines#hockey blurb#hockey#hockey imagine#hockey fic#hockey fanfiction#hockey fluff#nhl imagine#nhl imagines#nhl x reader#nhl x you#new york islanders#new york isles#nhl hockey#nhl#nhl fic#nhl fanfiction
530 notes
·
View notes
Text
TOO FAST (m)
▪︎Pairing: Mark Lee x female reader
▪︎Genres: angst, romance, street racing au, friends with benefits trope
▪︎Warnings: graphic descriptions and mentions of death, blood, violence, drug use, and depression; profanity; sexual and suggestive content. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Contains spoilers of previous parts of the series.
▪︎Word count: 12.6k words
playlist | Pictures taken by Taeyong | Drifting series
Hi everyone! New installment of my Drifting series is up :) This is Mark's part and happens right after Haechan's story, so it's filled with spoilers (if you haven't read that one yet.) I don't really think you need to read Haechan's part to understand what happens around here, but if you want, please go check 'We ridin'' that's also liked in my masterlist. Also, this fic is pretty graphic so please read warnings and don´t proceed if you feel uncomfy with any of the themes treated here. Without much more to say, I hope you enjoy this story!
0. That's a pretty big trunk on my Lincoln Town Car, ain't it?
No matter how much weight he pulls off of his car, Mark can't get to drive freely around anymore. The backseats are gone, and the truck is empty before he starts the race. And you are waiting for him at the end of the road when he makes it first to the finish line, a big smile plastered on your face while looking at him. Everybody quickly starts cheering for him and throwing money to his face. And he tries hard. He tries so hard to enjoy it and be happy behind the steering wheel like he used to do, but he can't find to be able to.
Don't they see it too?
The car's trunk filled with bodies like a Hearse. The steering wheel bleeding, painting Mark's shaky hands in red. His swollen eyes wet with tears. All those scattered pieces on the pavement… And he can never get rid of the weight because he is the one carrying all that heaviness that won't let him breathe, no matter how empty he wants to leave the car.
He rubs his face up and down in frustration, mixing the blood and the tears until he turns, looking back at the destroyed vehicle. Hanging off the open trunk it's his head, open and misshapen, covered in blood, exactly as Mark had last seen him. It feels like a nightmare. He prays and begs to God for it to be a nightmare, please let it be a nightmare.
Your smile dissipates as soon as you lock eyes with him. Mark blinks once to let the tears roll down his cheeks and wet your hands that cup his face. When he realizes it wasn't a nightmare but a distorted memory of reality, the uncontrollably sobs come. So you hold him in your arms in the middle of messy bed sheets, trying to deal with the melancholy of another sleepless night taking care of your hurt best friend.
Mark's memories haunt him. Ever since the accident happened, you're sure he hasn't got a full night of sleep, and you hardly remember the last time you did. If he's not racing or partying until the sun comes out early in the morning, he's constantly trying to fall asleep and repeatedly being awakened by these nightmares, these horrible memories being manifested in his dreams, and getting scared by only closing his eyes in the dark.
The yellow light on the old nightstand illuminates very dimly the small hotel room where Mark has been living for the last time, and where you have found yourself returning more often than usual. Everything is messy and dirty. Mark's clothes sit piled up in a mountain on a chair in the corner of the room, and the tabletop cannot be seen due to the number of boxes and empty fast food packages left behind, not being cleaned for months now. To your left, the nightstand is littered with boxes of twenty Marlboro cigarettes, empty as well; broken lighters, and a dirty glass pipe with traces of a substance you haven't quite figured out yet and are afraid to do so.
Your best friend won't talk much to you despite having you coming back to his bed every night, but you don't need that to believe he's depressed.
You remember how it started. How you got yourself into the same hole.
—
Inside the small apartment the air felt thick and humid. The dim colored lights coming from the speaker did a poor job of outlining a tall silhouette in front of you. Your body was sweaty, your feet ached from standing for so many hours, and your heart beat faster than normal. Maybe it was tiredness. Maybe it was because of the sound vibrations of fast electronic music resonating with the movement of your heart muscle. Or maybe it was because of the joint that Yuta left between your fingers after exhaling all the smoke in your face, and you didn't hesitate to repeat his actions.
You couldn't wait to leave. You also couldn't allow yourself to touch any kind of surface because you knew that as soon as you leaned against a wall or an armchair, you wouldn't be able to get up again. It might not have been the smartest decision at the time to grab the glass of vodka Yuta was holding in his hands and finish it in one gulp, but you would have done anything to make the time go by faster.
And it worked, actually. It's hard to even remember the kind of music that started playing after that moment. What you remember exactly, however, something you can't erase from your memories of that night is what Mark looked like.
The color in his electric blue hair had already begun to fade, and his bangs clung to his forehead from all the humidity. Even with his unkempt appearance and the sleeves of his t-shirt rolled up to his shoulders, revealing toned arms that glistened under a fine sheen of sweat. None of it took away from his undeniable appeal. None of that mess was meant to make you walk away from him and forget how he felt that night. Like being drunk on Mark. As if all your senses were reduced to perceiving him, and only him. When did he even appear on your side?
"You're all wet."
"It's from all the dancing," Mark said, moving his face away from yours, just enough to keep supporting your waist with one hand, and wipe the sweat that had transferred from his cheek to yours with the other.
His closeness allowed you to perceive the smell of alcohol and cigarettes that emanated from his body. Firm muscles under his clothes that you couldn't have failed to notice all night, couldn't help but feel at that moment under your touch. An innocent enough tact, with intentions to keep dancing to whatever was playing. He couldn't know how much you liked him. You were best friends for fuck's sake. And no matter how many times you imagined it, there would never be another reality where you could be more than best friends. Furthermore, you were both too intoxicated to cross the line and then be able to return to your comfort zone. You knew you wouldn't be able to come back once you allowed yourself to get to know Mark in any other way.
"You know what's missing tonight?"
Mark had won the race that night. Five grand that were going straight to his wallet and his pride. That had Yuta celebrating and patting at Mark's back when he made it out of the car with a smile on his face to wrap him in a tight hug. A victory that would give Mark a moment of reassurance, that would distract him only for a second from all the horrible things that were actually going on in his life.
Despite all fears of ending up alone and punished by all his friends, life showed Mark everyday that he was wrong. Yuta chose to keep in contact with him even after the accident and after Johnny got mad at Mark. You were still around him too. And he was still a successful street racer that made thousands per night and allowed himself to have fun with a bunch of pretty girls. So yeah, you would've never guessed the words that came out of Mark Lee's mouth after that. You would've never imagined that what that night was missing was–
"A kiss from you," he answered himself, letting out a heavy breath and leaning dead-weight on you. "Just one kiss?"
That simple line was all it took to take your breath away. He was that powerful, and you kind of hated yourself for allowing him. You thanked in silence for the lack of lights in the living room, because your temperature rising and getting your face all red would've given you away.
"I don't know." You were honest with him. It was kind of ironic inside of your head, how much you wanted him yet you couldn't decide if you wanted to act on that desire. There were pros and cons.
On one hand, you would've done anything for Mark to feel better, to let him out of that dark void you saw him getting in, deeper every day. Anything for him. On the other hand, you knew how the story goes, from your friends and because you saw it in enough movies; casualty never works when there's feelings involved. You didn't have to experience it to know it wouldn't mean just a drunken kiss to you, just a little fun. It was gonna end up hurting, dragging you in like a cult, a bad religion.
It felt like years, the time you were thinking about what to say to him. "I really don't know."
"C'mon," he was persistent, getting his head off the crook of your neck and staring right into your eyes, then dropped the sight to your lips. And he left it there while he kept mumbling. "One lil' kiss."
How many things could ruin a silly, drunken kiss between friends at a party?
Your eyes met Yuta for a brief moment, before you saw him raise his eyebrows at you, an expression that said 'Are you really doing this?' on his face, and then saw him leave the room.
The thing is, you had liked Yuta since the very first moment you saw him and had been fooling around ever since. He's a true gentleman. He's fun to be around but centered enough to give you all the calmness you might need at the end of a stressful day. He's good enough to give you some of the best fucks of your life as well. He has a good job, no bad habits, and he gives you enough space. Anyone could say Yuta is the perfect candidate. If Mark wouldn't even look at you but happened that Yuta proposed to you, you would probably agree to be his girlfriend in a second.
You wanted to tell Mark no. You truly wanted to be faithful to whatever you had with Yuta. But you had loved Mark since forever. And that was different.
Now you believe you would've never had to accept that kiss from Mark Lee that night because, spoiler: after one kiss, you weren't able to stop.
So it happened one, two, three, four, five, countless times until you finally found the solution to Mark's sleeping situation. Sometimes it required a lot of alcohol, sometimes it required him to have something to smoke. But what never changed was that it had to start with a kiss and follow with a lot of your attention. It always ended with you and him, skin to skin to his bed sheets. He gets a night's full sleep, and you usually get a headache from all the overthinking.
—
When you feel that his breathing has become heavy again and his grip around your torso loosens, you confirm that Mark has gone back to sleep. The clock on the wall above the window reads 05:02 in the morning, and if Mark doesn't have another nightmare in the next hour, he may be able to sleep until the sun comes up.
Carefully and almost moving in slow motion, you slip from his grasp to get up from the bed. Your friend has been feeling exhausted for months now, and no matter how many hours he sleeps, he never manages to recover. That's what he tells you all the time: that he's exhausted from being exhausted, from wanting to rest and not being able to. So when you finally get him to drift off to sleep, the last thing you want is to wake him up.
You grab your pillow and place it filling the space that your body occupied between his arms, so he doesn't feel alone. You're not going anywhere but to sit on the dirty old couch in the next room. Mark's room and the space functioning as the entrance to the motel room are only separated by a thin wall of wood and plaster, and a curtain. If he happens to wake up again in the next few hours, you will be able to listen to him without any problem and return to him immediately.
When you turn on the yellow light in the gloomy bathroom—which door is broken so you won't even bother trying to close it—, the scene at the entrance lights up and you spot the figure laying on the couch. You wait for the glass to fill with water to turn off the tap in the sink and turn off the light, plunging the room into darkness again. The water runs hot and is of little help in quenching your thirst, but that's all you have for now until the convenience store near the motel opens.
Despite the darkness, you can see a large pair of eyes watching your every move carefully. He must have woken up because of Mark's nightmare, just like you. Coincidentally, in the small couch there is a space where you know you fit perfectly, so you take it and lie down next to him. The sides of your bodies rub against each other because it's a small couch afterall, and even when you can start to feel the heat of the morning you would like to get closer, snuggle into him, to wrap yourself in his arms and sleep together forever. But you're not going to do anything because Mark is only a curtain away. Also, because you were pretty sure he didn't want you anymore, not after you practically stopped seeing him the moment you started fucking Mark.
"Have you talked to Johnny?"
You turn your head to set your eyes on Yuta, lying on the couch still with all his clothes on, one arm acting as a pillow under his head. His long lashes brush his cheeks every time he blinks, and his chest rises and falls in a calm, controlled breath. Just looking at him gives you all the peace you are missing, making you sleepy. And you want to sleep, oh how you want to sleep for endless hours.
He shakes his head no.
"I feel like… I don't know, Mark really needs him right now."
There is a long silence in which you roll onto your side to keep looking at him. His eyes, now closed, make you think he has fallen asleep until he finally opens his mouth to speak.
"Johnny doesn't want to know anything about Mark." Yuta turns his head to look at you this time. His gaze is soft but holds all the truths you don't like to think of, so you can't do much more than moving your head down with a frown in your brows, and keep listening to him. "What he did to Haechan was stupid, put all of us in danger."
Memories of that night are fresh in your brain for two reasons. The first one, is that you interacted with Yuta for the first time that night, and things just escalated between the two of you from there. The second reason has to do with the fact that, all that happened back then, was Mark's breaking point.
1. You hit them stones and you broke your home
At the center of the closed road, the pavement was already painted with traces of burnt tires forming circular patterns. As the candy-colored cars drifted and slided and had all the people filming and celebrating around them, you really couldn't think of a worse way to waste your tires. It's a passion they seem to have, that you yet have to get to understand.
You observed Mark work frantically on his car, making you feel like there wasn't enough time. All his movements were too rushed, and his eyes moved around the crowd with a paranoid look. The rest of the team was counting the money, looking for someone to flag, taking the seats out of the car to make it as light as possible, moving the people from the middle of the street. You could already hear some sirens far in the distance, getting closer and closer.
"Mark, hurry up!"
Getting off an orange car with the windows all black, a voice rushed Mark to start the race. He had that spine-chilling look despite his totally relaxed walk, looking like he owned the streets. He was the protagonist of a bunch of stories Mark had told you about his friends. And you knew Mark admired and respected Johnny a lot. But Yuta... Yuta has always been something else to Mark. Something like his weakness, and it showed in the way he talked about him and behaved around him. "I can show you some pics, but you can't like him more than me," was how he always ended conversations about him.
You really tried to listen to your friend. You really tried not to get interested in the handsome guy giving him the last directions before the first race of the night. But you had to know him personally, had to get close to him. You wished it would have been under different circumstances, though.
A few minutes later, everything was ready for the race to start. Mark had to drive a few miles straight down the road, take an impromptu hairpin turn, and be back in front of your eyes safe and sound.
After the accident he got into with his friend Taeyong, everyone thought Mark would be too scared to drive again, at least for a while. But it was the complete opposite; he got careless and more reckless. Mark was sad and mad, and he used the races as a coping mechanism, among other things.
You, however, were worried and scared for him.
"I don't know why I agreed to come with you," you spoke with your arms crossed as you saw Mark walking towards you. He was wearing a subtle smile, and you could see how his face got rid of all that paranoia as soon as he found your eyes.
He wrapped you in a hug that forced you to uncross your arms to join them behind his head, reciprocating the gesture. "Thank you for coming," Mark told you so only you could hear him, and tightened the grip of his arms around your torso. "But you don't have to stay if you don't like it. I can ask one of the guys to get you home."
You took a look around separating yourself from him, and thought about his offer for a second. Johnny seemed busy dealing with all the bets for that night's race, so you doubted he could take you home. Jaehyun was racing too, so neither him or Mark were gonna drive you. Johnny's sister didn't own a car, so she wasn't an option. The only one who seemed like he wasn't occupied was Yuta, who was looking at the two of you with an unreadable expression, sitting on top of his car hood, probably just waiting for Mark to stop delaying the race.
You kinda, definitely wanted Yuta to take you home, to ride together and maybe chat a little on the way. To finally get to know him—and maybe exchange a kiss or two before you would come out of his car and walk to your door.
But that wasn't happening that night.
"No fucking way."
The crowd went silent. The only sound traveling through the thick summer atmosphere was the sound of the engines. No one needed him to get out of the bright yellow car to know who he was. Nonetheless, he got the audacity to do it.
"Didn't I fucking tell you," Johnny's voice was filled with rage, speaking directly to him, "that I don't want to see you around ever again?"
"I'm gonna fucking kill him." You heard Mark whisper in front of you.
"You're not doing shit." You grabbed Mark's jaw trying to get him to look at you, but his eyes were locked on Haechan. His hands left your waist to become fists at his sides, ready to attack if you weren't holding him back and speaking in his ear, trying to maintain your composure. "If you do anything to him, we're not gonna see the end of it."
But the truth was you wanted to beat him to pieces probably as much as Mark wanted to.
"Just one race!" Haechan got off his car speaking to Johnny with open arms, palms facing the night sky. "For the old times?"
"But…" Mark rested his eyes on you again, and you could almost see yourself reflected in the accumulation of tears that threatened to fall at any moment. He spoke only for you, "Taeyong is dead because of him."
People went crazy after hearing Haechan ask for a race. Three months had passed since the accident and, since then, neither Haechan nor the Lees had dared to roam the same streets as the Suhs and his friends. Of course, people like watching other people fight, they enjoy the gossip and the problems, so it didn't take long for the crowd to start betting on Haechan as the winner of that night. Johnny had no choice but to get his team to race against the Lees, to remind them again that he didn't want them around, and that it was just a one time thing.
"Listen," Johnny held Mark's face in his hands and spoke directly to his eyes, "you're gonna race and you're gonna make it to the finish line intact. I don't give a fuck about who's winning. I just want you to finish, so he can get the fuck out of here before I lose my mind and rip his face off."
Mark nodded quickly a few times. It was clear he was nervous—from the way he grabbed and squeezed the steering wheel with his hands, and settled back and forth in the seat, impatient for the race to end when it hadn't even started.
"Don't you–" a bit of embarrassment creeped into his voice and cut him half way into the sentence, making him gulp dry before proceeding. "Don't you have something for me? I'm just feeling a little low," he finished asking, his narrowed eyes barely daring to look at his older brother.
Johnny let out a heavy sigh and moved his head to look above Mark's car, into the racing scene, and pondered on it for a moment. Honestly, he never thought he could be the best leader or the best older brother, but he managed to convince himself he was doing pretty fine, until the Donghyuck thing happened. Not that Donghyuck thing, the one that had to do with his sister and later with Taeyong. But the Donghyuck thing that made the big family they all were before break apart, and split into two rival groups. Something happened in that moment that Johnny felt made him fall apart; he lost all that confidence he once had. It only got worse when Donghyuck got with his sister, though, and he took Taeyong with him too, and now he felt like he was losing Mark as well.
Johnny reached into the front pocket of his jeans and held the small bag there for a few seconds, while debating whose fault it was, and thinking about how he could stop ruining his family. Back then, he had no clear answer. He felt like Mark was fucked up enough already. And because he loves him unconditionally, he just did what he thought was best for Mark at the time.
He ended up taking the small bag from his front pocket and tossing it to Mark, who quickly grabbed it with both hands and didn't even thank Johnny before he was closing his tinted windows on his friend's face.
Johnny thought that even if it was the wrong thing to do, he himself would help Mark sober up later, because he couldn't dare lose any more brothers.
You watched the entire exchange from afar. From Mark positioning himself in line with Jaehyun, Haechan and another boy's cars at his sides, until Johnny and Yuta joined you with the same worried look that your eyes wore.
There was a constricting sensation in your chest, a pressure watching that scene unfold that made your voice tremble. "I have a bad feeling about this."
You know what they say, that there are friends with whom you live certain things, and friends with whom you are part of other things. Haechan, Mark and you were all good friends once, way back in high school, but after they parted ways you decided not to get involved in their illegal activities. You barely knew this side of Mark's life, most of it since he loved his friends so much and always told you everything about them. He tried to integrate you as much as possible when situations called for it: birthdays, casual meetings at Johnny's garage, and parties. But all that pretty far from the street racing scene, that being the first time he actually invited you to go watch him race after years.
"Don't worry," Johnny said to you at the same time his sister was positioning herself at the middle of the starting line, ready to give them the direction. "They know what they have to do very well.
And as soon as she lowered her arms, the cars sped off, leaving a huge cloud of smoke in front of you that obstructed your view for a few seconds.
"They will be driving in a straight line for about a kilometer," he continued. "Then they will reach a crossroads and must take the path to the right, we will lose sight of them at that moment."
"But if they do everything right and don't cause any trouble, we'll see them come out of that other corner." Yuta pointed at a corner a few blocks from you with a blinking yellow traffic light while explaining to you. "And someone will make it right here first. The winner."
You assumed that you managed to make him feel your intense gaze on him, and that made his eyes meet yours. His arms crossed while still leaning on the hood of his car. He noticed your nervousness.
"Relax," his voice was soft while speaking to you. A smile adorned his face when he invited you to sit with him, right beside his body on top of the orange hood. "Let's root for our team."
You nodded with your head at him and chose to remain silent. While you waited to see your friend return, you reached in the back pocket of your pants for the small box and the lighter, and lit a cigarette. It was the best thing you could think of to pass the time.
"You're a smokestack."
Your eyes widened hearing that. You didn't take it as an insult, since when you turned around and saw Yuta's face you only found a playful smile. But you still decided to take a long drag on the cigarette, blow out all the smoke, and then ask him in an offended tone.
"Excuse me?"
"You smoke too much," he said nonchalantly, jumping off the car and standing right in front of you.
His eyes traveled from your legs hanging off his hood, to your hand holding the cigarette, to your chest and lastly your face in a matter of milliseconds. A quick check out that awakened a whole new rush of adrenaline and nervousness to your body. A stare that only sent shivers down your spine, so you tried to play it cool and straighten your back, wanting to reach the level of his face.
"And how would you know?"
You made an effort not to let the conversation die. Ever since Mark told you about them and showed you photos of his friends, you had wanted to meet Yuta. Walking across him at Johnny's house or at random parties had never been enough. Firstly, because Yuta was rarely alone. And secondly, because when he was alone you would never have thought of being the first to approach him and talk to him.
Because you weren't expecting it from Yuta—the only friend of Mark that was quiet and mysterious enough that you had never struck up a conversation with—it took you a couple of seconds to process the words that came out of his mouth.
"I've been watching you." Yuta took your hand that was holding the cigarette and held it very gently in between his. Enough to notice how yours trembled.
Yuta definitely didn't have to do that to notice how anxious you were. But then you would understand how powerful his energy is and how physical contact becomes completely necessary and inevitable when he is around. That you didn't even need to say a word for him to notice you were attracted to him—you were painfully obvious around Yuta. It became ridiculous the way you lost yourself watching him talk and just mind his business. Yuta loved every second of it.
He would finally return all that attention to you later.
"You may fancy me." He took the cigarette off your hand and took a puff. "But you really, really love Mark."
You sighed deeply and looked down as you felt the heat rise and tint your cheeks. You didn't dare look at him when you spoke again. "I'm seriously that obvious?"
Yuta muttered positively and you could hear him smiling. That attractive teasing smile he always wore but paired with the softest looking eyes, that you knew could mean no harm.
"The problem is… I like Mark."
You couldn't help but laugh when you heard him, since you definitely weren't expecting that outcome. He only smiled while seeing you laugh.
"But he won't pay enough attention to me," he continued with a shrug. "So I thought, maybe you wanna do something with me after this?"
"So, I'm the second choice," you established, crossing your arms and putting on a straight face.
Yuta shook his head, still wearing his little attractive smile. "No, I was just joking," he reassured you. "I think you're interesting, and you're hot, so I wanna know you."
The cigarette came back to your hands right before Yuta was blowing all the smoke he had inhaled on your face. He was being pretty clear, you had no doubt at that point.
So you filled yourself up with a little courage, smiled big, took a puff of that nicotine and said, "Alright, we're going to mine."
"Sounds lovely."
Is the unexpected screeching of tires locking up what deafens your ears, bringing you and Yuta out of your little bubble to find another cloud of smoke blocking your view. Only seconds pass after the smoke clears into the air, and Mark's car comes to rest in line with Haechan's, giving your friend second place in the race.
It all happened way too quickly. One moment Mark was getting out of his car, violently closing its door and getting every person out of his way. The next moment he was above Haechan's body on the street, beating the life out of him.
Mark seemed uncontrollable, out of his mind. It took not only Johnny and Yuta to separate him from Haechan's bleeding face, but Jaehyun had to get out of his car and intervene as well. It was him trying to restrain Haechan's friends from coming and beating Mark, while Johnny's sister cried and screamed besides her lover, who wore that typical wicked, cynical smile on his bloody-dripping mouth. It was absolute chaos.
"I'm going to kill you! I swear to God, you won't mess with any of my friends ever again because I'll fucking kill you!"
After a lot of struggling and missed punches (that almost ended in yours and the boys' faces) coming from an extremely euphoric Mark, they managed to lock him in the back seat of Yuta's car. Johnny ordered Yuta to take him away, and that he didn't want to see his face in the neighborhood until the situation calmed down. It was a little cruel, the way he kicked Mark out of the house they shared, but you understood. Mark was still too hurt and resentful of Taeyong's death, but Johnny knew that trying to get revenge on the Lees would only start an endless war. Or maybe cause an ending that would badly hurt them again, and Johnny was tired of losing brothers.
A tall boy with a thin face and raven hair pointed to Mark, and that same index finger he rested on the skin of his neck moved across, from right to left. You're dead, but Mark wouldn't listen to it, still sitting in the back seat of the car.
"Jeno, let's leave this shitty place," Haechan said once he was back on his feet, blood spitting, staining his shirt and even the ground.
Haechan and his friends (including Johnny's sister) left with a promise to come back for them.
Johnny was on his right to get extremely mad at Mark. Because that was the exact reason he didn't do anything to Haechan in the first place, that one night he had him at gunpoint in the rain. He could've ended him right there, but he knew what would've come. And that was the difference between the Lees and the Suhs: Johnny cared for his people—because yes, Haechan was his people once, just as Taeyong was when he was alive. He didn't want anyone to get even more hurt.
So now they have to deal with the fear of the Lees coming for them, because they know the gang has become weak. Johnny doesn't have his sister anymore, he doesn't have Taeyong, he doesn't have Mark, and Yuta is barely there because he spends most of the time with you or Mark. And that guilt is eating your best friend alive.
It was dawn by the time you and Yuta tossed an exhausted Mark into the motel bed where he would spend the next few months. While he passed out as soon as he touched the mattress, you came down from the adrenaline rush in the form of shaking and crying.
That same night you brought Mark to the motel, after you put him to sleep, Yuta and you drank and smoked until you calmed down and then made out until any of you had energy to go on. You liked him and wanted everything with him. But Yuta was a very patient and understanding person. He made that clear from the very first moment you met properly.
You may fancy me, but you love Mark.
And yes, maybe fucking around with Yuta was fun from time to time, until that guilt started eating you alive.
Now you look at Yuta, laying on the motel couch centimeters from you, yet he feels like he's miles away. You think you miss him, his security and the sense of stability you had when you were with him. These days he comes to check on Mark, make sure you're both not starving, maybe share a beer or a cigarette with you, and he leaves. He still does all that even after you dropped him to fuck your best friend, that is one of his best friends too.
But when Yuta leaves you're back to your miserable hole, praying that Mark won't die from an overdose tonight, or that won't leave and come back hours later with some other girl, kicking you out so he can fuck because he's suddenly tired of the routine, then calling you at ungodly hours because he can't sleep without you.
The japanese boy calls your name. A fine film of sweat covers his smooth skin and is visible in the dim light of dawn, which filters through the hideous lace curtains. His eyes tell you that he's about to reveal that truth that you don't want to hear, but he's going to be brutally honest anyway.
"You need to get out of here."
2. I'm talking fear, fear of missing out on you and me/I don't think I could find a way to make it on this earth
Mark had always been very careful. The most careful of all, in fact—not just when it came to racing, but in every aspect of his life. When he drove, when he served customers in Johnny's garage, when he would go out with the boys and have to take care of a drunk Taeyong, he was the most careful. You know he was always very careful in the way he treated girls too, because Mark did everything with love.
It isn't fair what happened to him. It made him start doing things with fear. Fear of missing out on things, fear of losing, fear of hurting people, fear of God. You can taste the fear in him, because lately everytime you connect your lips it feels like he's kissing you for the last time ever.
He holds your face and steals a long, soft kiss from your lips. Eyes squeezed shut while he deepens it and gets his tongue to explore inside your mouth. None of it is rushed nor violent, in contrast with how he usually ends up fucking you. And you like this side of Mark, the one that kinda feels like he's doing it to you with love instead of fear, but you know you can't get too attached to it.
Or at least more attached than you already are.
Mark moves his hands from your face to your back, and caresses the skin there for a moment, before hugging the middle of your torso and pushing you flush against his. Your naked breasts collide with his equally naked chest, and his skin burns yours. He's restricting you from moving now, so he angles his hips pressing his feet on the mattress and starts thrusting up into you. It's a gentle pace, but all the alcohol and the weed in your system only make you feel him ten times intensified, ten times deeper. You tug on his long hair, bite and suck on his neck trying to contain all the sounds that want to escape from your mouth, yet the pleasure is too much and more than one manages to slip and mix with Mark's whines.
You're kinda embarrassed when you come after what feels like only five minutes that passed since you sat on top of Mark.
He feels you clench and become tight around him, so he stops his movements for a moment until you catch your breath. You know he's not done with you, just trying not to hurt you from the overstimulation. After one intense orgasm heavily loaded with feelings, you're exhausted. But this has always been about him. You need to make sure he will go back to sleeping peacefully. So you get off him and lay beside his body, before Mark takes position between your legs and buries himself inside you one more time.
He doesn't need to do much, doesn't need to say anything at all. You and him have gotten to explore each other's bodies for months now, you both know damn well that you're gonna come again, and after that you're gonna let him finish making a mess all over you.
What Mark would've never expected was seeing those thick tears run down your face, that you quickly tried to swipe off before he could ask anything about it. Even if sometimes it doesn't show, Mark loves and cares for you, so he's gonna ask anyway.
"Love," he calls for you and stops his movements. You open your eyes, lashes feeling heavy with the weight of the tears on them, and see his worried face right on top of yours. His hair is messy, his neck sweats and a silver necklace with a couple of charms hangs from it, somehow making Mark look even more attractive than usual. "I didn't hurt you, right?" A deep frown takes over his features.
You feel bad for ruining such a moment like this. You answer, shaking your head no.
"Please tell me the truth."
You shake your head no once again, wrapping your arms around him to tug and make him collapse his weight on you.
Love. The pet name replays in your head like a scratched CD and you wish you could turn it off to finally go to sleep. Mark calls your name and props himself up in his arms to look at you. He's still waiting for an explicit reply to his question.
How could you tell him that you were crying because you never felt so much love for someone in your entire life, without scaring him away? How could you explain to him that you understand it was all in your head, because you know he is too broken to even love to that same extent?
"I'm fine," you finally tell him and grab his face to give his lips one last, deep kiss. "Crying 'cause it's too good."
He shows a subtle smile and makes an effort to observe how the morning light illuminates your skin, with his eyes full of sleep, drunk on alcohol and your body and barely open. It's an image he wants to remember because, for some reason, it also feels to him like it could be the last time he gets to be with you like this.
"You sure?"
You nod and smile subtly in response, and move his fingers to make him touch you, in hope you can overcome the pain of loving too hard with the pleasure.
"Wanna give me one more?" His lips get your neck and collarbones all wet while he works on bringing you to the edge. His name manages to come out of your mouth in between gasps. "The last one?"
After both of you finally finish, Mark collapses on your side, half of his body still curled up to you, and calls your name softly. You hear his voice getting filled with fatigue.
"Mhm?"
"Thank you," he says in a whisper. Next thing you know, his breathing has become heavy again and his little snores can be heard in the silent motel room.
The story repeats itself, and you curse yourself and despair for not being able to even shut your eyes closed when you're exhausted. You're overthinking again. Hours go by with barely a couple of hours of sleep, and soon you have to get up to leave food ready for Mark and continue with your life outside these four walls.
3. Permission to crash, collecting damages, boy
The metal stairs creak under your shoes as you go up to the motel room, carefully not to slip because of the night's drizzle. The walk to the room where Mark has been staying feels longer than usual, maybe because you're extremely tired, and don't even remember the last time you got to sleep for an entire night by now, always interrupted by something—if it isn't because of Mark's nightmares, it's because you're either out with him and friends or catching up with missed work instead of sleeping. You can't wait to make it through his door, find him sleeping (with a little luck) and pass out on his bed beside him.
That old clock hanging on the wall indicates 10:27 p.m.. Inside, the room is extremely quiet. If it weren't for the mess around every surface, and the image of Mark's legs knocked out on the bed that you can perceive through a thin curtain separating the bedroom and the common area, you would believe the space is completely empty, abandoned.
The small table that Mark uses to eat is almost imperceptible for all the garbage that has accumulated there. Empty beer bottles, packs with leftover food, cigarettes, dirty napkins, his car keys and even some clothes cover the surface. You wonder how Mark continues to use the table when you're not there, or if he's just using it to leave stuff .
The delivery bags will serve to collect all the waste and clean up the environment a bit. Your friend has been going through a difficult time for a while now, and of course it's hard for him to do simple tasks like keeping the place where he lives clean and tidy. You don't even think about it much when you propose yourself to give him a helping hand while he sleeps; throwing everything that seems useless and dirty into the bags, and leaving it in the bins on the street. You hope Mark will feel more uplifted when he wakes up, finding himself in a slightly nicer, more livable place.
He's in a deep sleep leaning on his side, and watching him breaks your heart. You like it when Mark sleeps naturally. Even when he passes out from being extremely exhausted, you prefer it instead of when he goes to sleep after injecting that destructive drug right into his veins. On his bedside table is the glass syringe, the lighter, the aluminum foil. On the floor, in the space between the rickety bed and the little table, a plate with lines of half-consumed cocaine and the belt of his pants.
He doesn't even care enough to hide it anymore. It breaks your heart some more.
In an impulsive act, you grab whatever is there that has been destroying him, Yuta and you. Everything that has been making life difficult for everyone, ever since Taeyong left, since Johnny kicked Mark out, and your friend fell even harder into that pit.
You flush it down the toilet. Tears run down your cheeks, and the sound of the water taking everything down the drain mixes with your sobs. At the same time, the lights from the garbage truck outside the motel come in through the bedroom window, blinding your view a bit. Nothing is left.
With shaky hands, you open the window and light up a cigarette, in hope of calming down a little. Every day that passes is becoming harder to understand how you made it this far. You can't imagine how worse it could be if you weren't there for him, or if Yuta wasn't with Mark too.
One cigarette is consumed after another, until the ashtray is almost full and you stop because your chest starts to hurt. Mark's voice is present in the room; he calls your name dragging it full of confusion.
Here begins the story of how everything you two once were ended in a few minutes, too fast. Or perhaps the fall was anticipated, but no one knew how to cushion it.
"What happened here?" he asks hoarsely, clearly struggling to fully open his eyes, despite the place being subtly illuminated by the street lights peeking through the windows.
"Just did a little cleaning," you answer, letting the smoke out of your lungs. You said to yourself it would be the last one of the night, but something about the situation is making you slightly anxious.
Mark only nods in response and keeps turning around in his place, taking everything in. He ruffles his head in a poor attempt at fixing the bed hair, scratches the back of neck down to his arm. It's nerve-wracking—seeing him act so natural after having passed out for you don't know how many hours, at the risk of overdosing and dying alone, choking on his own vomit.
It fills you with rage inside how inconsiderate he's been lately, but you're exhausted and don't plan on fighting tonight.
"You coming back to bed?"
"No, sorry," he says when you're already on your way to the bedroom. The clarity in his voice tone indicates to you he's wide awake now. "I have a race in like an hour or so."
You sit on his side of the bed to finally take your shoes off and start undressing. A heavy sigh unconsciously escapes you, and you have to ask him. You've been thinking for a couple weeks now that it would be good for him if he just left the racing scene, only for a while until he fully recovers from all the pain he's gone through. If it all started with it, the answer should be there too, ending it.
"Why do you do that?" You watch his figure enter the room. "Why do you keep racing?" Your questions come out a little exasperated, the tiredness getting the worst out of you even when you don't mean to sound rude.
"Why do I keep racing? How do you think I'm paying for the fucking expenses right here?"
His tone disorients you for a moment, making you believe that your question may, in fact, have been inappropriate. "Sorry, I just- I just thought you could get a job that makes you feel a little more normal, you know?" you propose, almost as if you're afraid of how he might react. "Give you a routine, make you feel better."
"No," he answers quickly, shaking his head low. "Racing is the only thing that makes me feel alive right now. That, and"– he doesn't finish his sentence. Instead, he gulps dryly and keeps his thoughts only for himself.
You know it's better not to push it. Because he's not good with words, and because you don't think you're capable of dealing with whatever other emotions Mark could be going through right now.
You love Mark endlessly. You're sure the only thing that's wrong right now is that work drained you. You could have this conversation in the morning.
"And you? Why do you do it?" he decides to ask without looking you in the eye.
"What do you mean?"
"Why do you keep playing with Yuta and me at the same time?"
The question makes your heart stop and your stomach turn, but you try not to show it.
"That's seriously the last thing I needed to hear today."
You finish saying the sentence and move to the bathroom to quickly brush your teeth, ignoring the eyes of Mark following you from his spot in the bedroom. Too familiar with his look on you only wearing your underwear. Too used to Mark's bad mood after putting substances into his body until he falls unconscious. Too guilty because, in fact, you've been feeling confused about the two boys.
"I know you like him. I– I can feel it. I saw you laying so close early, saw the way you looked at him."
It makes your head hurt, and you squeeze your eyes shut trying to, somehow, ease the pain away. Yes, of course there has always been something about Yuta. Something about the calmness and security you feel when you're together. Something about the love you see he has for Mark that you wish someone had for you. Something about his kisses and touches and the look in his eyes that feel safe. Because Mark was your best friend once, your unconditional support; you were each other's until you weren't anymore. You just started to take care of him and to fall for him harder, and harder. You only became his while you lost him and he lost himself in the process. But Yuta somehow was there to make it easier for you, and numb a little part of the pain away.
You still love Mark endlessly, but he's not good for you. You don't love Yuta, but he feels like the right one for you. And you know their brotherhood might come before your friendship—with any of them. You can't ruin that for them only because you can't decide between the two boys.
It's always been easier to ignore all that.
"Can we just– not have this conversation?"
"Are you fucking him too?"
"I'm not." You look up to him as you accommodate yourself on the bed once again, rage filling your insides for the second time that night. "And what the fuck do you care, huh? The fuck do you care about me?"
"I care because I thought you were with me?" he asks, a tone of disbelief in his voice.
"Mark, we never agreed on being exclusive. We didn't even talk this out. We just started fucking because you were too fucking selfish and couldn't even notice what actually happens here"– you get interrupted by him calling your name.
His eyes are fixed on the nightstand that you emptied while he was passed out. And you swallow dryly, afraid to say a word. You can't imagine what he's going to say to you but, from his look, you can be sure it's not nice at all.
"You did a little cleaning," he repeats.
The room stays quiet. Mark starts looking for something around the nightstand—over it, behind it, under the little furniture and in the space around it. Frantically. And calls your name again. This time his voice is shaky, and when he looks at you he's at the verge of tearing up.
You imagined throwing all his drugs away would be hard for him. A risky move. All kinds of reactions were expected.
"Where is Taeyong's necklace?"
"Huh?" discomposure shows in your tone.
"Taeyong's necklace! It was right here, on the nightstand."
You remain quiet while observing him starting to look around the entire motel room. His body has got all tensed up and began shaking in consequence. He empties the drawers, the bags with his clothes, takes the bedsheets off, makes you move to turn the bed and the pillows upside down and checks inside the bathroom too. There's only curses coming out of his mouth and his voice breaks more and more, starting to sob like a little kid in front of your eyes when he realizes the object he's looking for is nowhere around.
He yells your name to get your attention but it only scares you even more. You're terrified of telling him, because you know you've really screwed up this time.
Meeting his teary eyes, yours fill with tears too.
"Mark," you call for him but he's already looking at you, waiting for an explanation.
You remember it now. It had been standing over the little table since you got here for the first time, but you never paid much mind to it—a silver chain that ended in a small cross and a rose, Chrome Hearts style. And that was Taeyong's favorite brand. Mark rarely wears jewelry, yet you have a vague memory of it hanging off his neck the last time you were together. It takes you a second to put two and two together; your heart finally ends up breaking into two pieces.
"I'm sorry." The tears reach your chin. "I took all the trash out."
Mark follows your finger pointing to the window, from which you can see the large garbage containers on the side of the street. Then he turns his head to the left, in the direction of the clock that reads almost twelve at night. He knows that the truck comes around eleven at night to collect all the bags, and he almost always misses it because he's sleeping and ends up accumulating all the trash in the room. Both you and him know everything is gone by the time, including Mark's memory of Taeyong.
He breaks into a desperate cry, which pierces the air and makes your ears and chest ache with his grief. It's so full of anguish, like you've never seen him before, not even when you were burying his friend together.
It takes him to the ground and makes him roll and move, tug at his clothes and his hair violently like he's trying to take the pain off his body, trying to escape the misery. You try to reach out to him to try and comfort him, still a bit in shock since you were the one that caused him this pain. But he doesn't want you near him; he lets you know by slapping you away from his body and throwing everything he finds around him in your direction.
So you step back, clearly afraid he might hurt you in this state. Mark can sense the fear, and the last thing he wants in the world is to hurt you and put you away from him too. Losing you like it happened with his childhood best friend Donghyuck, like it happened with Taeyong, like it happened with Johnny. But he can't tell you. Nothing can come out of his mouth more than those uncontrollably sobs and screams of pain. He can't clear his mind right now.
"I'm sorry," you keep saying while you get dressed and start picking up your things in a rush. "I'm sorry, please forgive me."
He's sitting on the floor, legs curled up to his chest, back to the end of the bed while his arms hang limb to his sides, defeated and body drained from all its energy. His entire face is wet with sweat and tears, and he cries looking at the dirty ceiling.
When you've already left and find yourself in the open corridor, a few room's down from Mark's, guilt washes over your body: you too left him alone, just like you know he's scared of. You manage to take your phone out of your pocket and dial the first number on your recents list with shaky hands.
The need to cry only increases when you hear his voice on the other side of the phone.
"Can you please come by Mark's? Please?" You cover your mouth with one hand trying to hold back the sobs. "I can't deal with this anymore, Yuta. I'm sorry. It's–Mark and I are never gonna work out. It's out of control–"
"Take your car and come home," his voice is soft and calm, despite the rushing sounds in the background. You know he's dropping everything to go where Mark is staying. "Come home and wait for me here, no matter how long it takes."
You nod in response, even when Yuta can't see you through the call.
"And don't worry about Mark, I got him."
4. Gotta let you go/Since you've been gone I've been having withdrawal
The dead had to be visited when they were alive, was what your mother used to say when you were little. The cemetery was never a place that she liked very much, for she never took you to visit and leave flowers for your old, dead uncles and grandparents.
You believe your mother's rejection of the dead had to do with the fear of death itself. The refusal to accept the inevitable: we will all end up right here one day. Under different circumstances, ones having lived longer than others, but dead at last. Even though you believed you had no problem accepting this, entering the place on this spring morning was becoming incredibly difficult. While it's normal to have grandparents dead when you grow up, it never feels normal to lose someone so close to your age.
You can't expect to meet anyone in particular, but you know that at least the vast majority of his friends will be there. It's the anniversary of Taeyong's death, and the morning is fresh. The sun is shining and the roses planted in the park have bloomed, as if they knew they were his favorites. This should be reason enough to walk through the gates and go lay out some flowers for him, as a way of saying thank you for such a splendid day.
The walk up to the place is quiet enough to boggle your mind a bit. The last couple of months you've been working on yourself, trying to stop overthinking things and rebuilding your self-esteem little by little. Mark and you haven't seen each other again after that big fight and after you left the place he was staying. Yuta did God's work that night, and you know Johnny and the rest of the guys helped him the following days—and months. You just stayed out of it. No one really wanted it, no one agreed to it. But it naturally happened, because deep down both of you knew it was the best outcome. Mark understood you had to go away in order for both of you to heal.
It wasn't an easy process.
"Am I a bad person for doing this to him?"
"Well, it's hard to tell what's good or bad, because it depends on who's saying it," the therapist replied.
You looked down as soon as he started talking to you, avoiding his eyes. You remember that you thought you were not going to cry in your first session, that it was going to be difficult to let go and talk about everything that had been hurting you lately. However, as soon as you sat down on his couch, tears began to roll down your cheeks.
"But how do your decisions make you feel?"
"I feel selfish."
It took you a while to learn that looking after yourself wasn't a selfish thing to do, but a completely valid way to maintain your sanity. That you needed to set boundaries with the people you love the most, because even they might hurt you, and because you might end up hurting yourself. It doesn't necessarily mean they are bad people that want to cause you pain, but humans that make mistakes and that are constantly learning how to deal with each other.
Pain is needed. Boundaries are needed. Communication is needed. Self-love is needed. We learn some of the most valuable things of life from all that.
Johnny is the first one to see you arrive. He receives you in silence, with a small smile and a hug. The next to repeat his actions is Jaehyun. Finally, Yuta presses you against his torso and you stay like that for a little longer. The soft skin of his arms envelops you; it's warm and he feels just as safe as you remember. His scent is an odd combination of cotton softener, a manly scent of pine, and cigarettes.
You will be the most grateful to Yuta, forever. He knew where you belonged from the beginning, and helped you clarify your mind to come here and speak to Mark. Not expecting anything, but knowing that whatever would result from that talk should be the best for the two of you.
You can perceive his heart is beating fast, but definitely not as fast as yours when Yuta breaks the hug, looks into your eyes and then to Mark, who is still sitting in front of Taeyong's grave and oblivious to everything that is happening behind him.
The concrete of the bench feels considerably cold compared to the rest of the environment when you sit next to him. There's a moment when you just dedicate yourself to reading Taeyong's name, over and over again on the plate.
It hasn't been easy and it will never be. It makes you rethink things. Decisions, habits, vices, relations. Coming to terms with the death of someone so close to your age. It could be any of you at any moment, so you guess your mother was right: spend time with your loved ones as much as you can while they're alive.
Mark's eyes grow heavy on your profile and you are forced to meet them. He definitely looks healthier. He has recovered some weight, his dark circles have almost completely disappeared, and his hair is back to its natural color, sporting a fresh undercut.
Most impressive, however, is the way he smiles at you and proceeds to lay his head on your shoulder. He lets out a sigh and somehow you feel relieved—he's not mad at you. In fact, he seems to feel fine, comfortable enough to approach you like that. You can't help but let out a deep sigh as well.
He's the first one to talk since you arrived.
"Hi."
"Hi," you reply, almost in a whisper. As if you were to raise your voice, all that harmony would dissipate in an instant.
"I wasn't expecting you." You feel Mark's voice vibrate through your body and reach your ears. It sends a shiver down your spine.
You have missed him so much. The past months have truly been a torture, but you didnt realize how much you needed to feel him this close, to listen to his voice, until this very moment.
"I was hesitant to come."
Mark lifts his head from your shoulder and stares at you for what seems like a minute or two. In a profound way, as if he was looking for something in your eyes, but as if he was gathering the courage to open his mouth and break your heart once and for all, giving this story a true closure. Perhaps about to do what should have happened a long time ago.
He just nods and says, "I'm sorry."
And you wait for it to come. For him to tell you that he's fully recovered now, that he doesn't need you, that you can go and live your life freely with whoever you want and that he will do the same.
"You know that night… The night we had the fight."
"Yes?"
"I said racing was the only thing making me feel alive."
You don't remember it so clearly at first. That night was quite traumatic, so you have to recapitulate and swallow the lump that forms in your throat remembering the events, and how everything about your relationship with Mark exploded in your face.
"I lied," he continues after a pause. "It was being with you. And I was afraid of hurting you and losing you, and I didn't want to lose you because you were the most important thing I had. But that's what ended up happening and–"
Mark can't finish his sentence, so he takes a deep breath. A cigarette appears between his lips, and it's when he struggles to light it up when you notice how abstained he is and how hard he's fighting it, by the incessant shaking of his hands and his sweating. He lets the smoke out of his lungs looking at the grave, remaining silent until he decides he's calmed down enough.
"I really loved you at that time," Mark says and shares the cigarette with you. "I–I still do. I really, seriously don't need you to take care of me anymore. But I want you to be with me."
He says this last sentence reconnecting with your eyes, looking at you the same way he did earlier, when you expected him to break your heart for good. He turns over his shoulder and looks at the boys one by one, who have been watching your exchange in silence until now.
"All of you," and he finishes.
Johnny pats Mark's shoulder and smiles fondly at him, giving him a little squeeze of comfort. "You'll always have us, no matter what happens."
5. Loving you almost feels like something
"And with this," Johnny starts as he places the last box at the entry of your apartment, "I get closer to being completely free for once."
"Dude," Mark tries and fails to sound upset, "can you not be so happy about me leaving your place? You're making me hurt. Like, you could at least lie about you being sad or missing me."
"But I never lie."
Jaehyun's deep laugh is present next to Johnny and he decides to speak, looking at Mark who is now hung up on you, more and more affectionate with you in front of the boys since you formalized your relationship.
"Baby's leaving the nest. Now it's just you and me, Johnny."
Since Mark was moving in with you and Yuta was leaving for Japan, it only left Jaehyun and Johnny at the Suhs' old house. The oldest was happy, because it meant he wouldn't have other three boys going in and out of the place carelessly every time he tries to bring other people home. Johnny loved the boys enormously, but they were all grown now. Maybe it was time they all found their own place to live and just do whatever they want. Jaehyun, however, seems like has no plans of leaving Johnny alone, at least for a little longer.
"Maybe we should become a married couple."
Johnny questions Jaehyun with his eyes for a couple seconds, but after what seemed like the gears of his brain working at full speed, he ends up agreeing. "That could be pretty convenient, actually. Would you cook for me?"
"You know I don't cook."
"Then forget about it."
You and Mark watch the exchange from the outside and can't help but laugh, because they're basically acting like an old married couple already.
"Alright guys," Mark claps his hands to get the boys' attention. "Thank you so much for your help, but I'll be kicking you out now to go celebrate with my girl. You know, all that boyfriend and girlfriend stuff…" He accompanied them with gestures, telling them to walk through the front door.
"Yes, we get it Mark," Johnny answered in a mocking tone. "You've got a girlfriend and you're fucking on every surface of this apartment. And I'm leaving with Jae, and we're getting stoned and going to sleep at seven. So much fun."
"Fuck you, John. Mark, work tomorrow, seven in the morning." Is all Jaehyun says as he leaves your apartment, only to keep bickering with Johnny all the way to the car.
As the afternoon sun falls and filters through the balcony door, the aroma of onion and tomatoes fills the small kitchen and your nostrils, making your stomach rumble a little. The melody of a guitar reaches your ears; it sounds soft and melancholic, the scratching of the fingers against the strings only gives it a rawer tone. You decide to leave the sauce finishing simmering, and you approach the room that you will now be sharing with Mark. You find him sitting there, on the bed, guitar in hand, facing the window with his back to the door. His subtle singing accompanies the chords on the guitar.
You can't remember when was the last time you saw Mark like this. So calm and relaxed. Music has always been his passion, ever since you met him in high school, so seeing him take up the hobby he loves so much and enjoy it brings tears to your eyes.
The words that come out of his mouth form a lump in your throat.
When no ones around me, you lost and found me
I was surrounded
With open arms
He keeps playing and singing softly, without noticing your presence.
Even though it's only been a couple of hours since you finished moving, he's already made your room a bit of his own. It seems that he has stopped in the middle of the task, that he amused himself with the guitar because most of the boxes of clothes are unpacked, the side of the wardrobe that you freed for him with only a couple of blue jeans and t-shirts in place.
On the night table rests Mark's perfume, an ashtray along with his cigarette box, and a couple of books under it. There are two sets of matching keys besides the table now—you had to make a copy for him, since it's his house too. His shoes are at the front door, and they will remain there every day. And Mark's slippers are on the edge of the bed you'll share, next to an open shoe box that catches your eye.
"What is this?"
Mark turns around to look at your face, then at the film camera and a bunch of developed pictures in your hands. A fond smile takes over his mouth.
"Taeyong was a romantic," he says, coming to stand next to you and starting to inspect the pictures. "You know, when he left we decided to divide the things that were important to Taeyong," Mark kept explaining to you. "We gotta fulfill his dreams, keep him alive that way."
"And what are you doing for Taeyong?"
"I'm dropping everything for love. For a calm and happy life."
The answer takes you by surprise, you can't hide it. The tears that had begun to accumulate since you heard Mark sing on the guitar come to the edge of your eyelids, uncontrollable, and threaten to fall at any moment.
"You know Taeyong loved danger and drama… But he really wanted to settle down with someone at some point," he continues speaking immediately. "And I kept these.
Mark takes all the developed films from your hands and starts looking at them with you. Shortly after, he says, "He loved to document the happy moments.
The pictures show various scenarios and all the boys are in there. In some pics it's just Johnny smiling under the sun, in others it's just Mark and Taeyong on a night's out, in others there's Jaehyun having breakfast with Taeyong, or Yuta and Mark acting foolish, totally like Yuta and Mark.
"But if you notice, it's just us living life together," he finishes the idea, melancholy invading his face, and his eyes also fill with tears.
However, you are sure that none of you are really sad. In fact, the horizon has never looked so bright for the two of you. There is no more fear, no more guilt, no more uncertainty.
"I think this is a happy moment," you say, picking up the camera and turning it on. "You and me together, settling down for a good life. You think Taeyong would've documented this?"
Mark smiles big and nods.
"Yeah, I think he would have."
After focusing on Mark in front of the camera, and with the evening light behind him painting the whole room a warm orange, you press the shutter. A not very powerful flash comes out of the camera, but it does its work illuminating those parts the warm light won't reach, and it indicates that the photo has been taken. Mark asks for the camera and does the exact same for you.
"I'm sure he's happy, and really proud of you, Mark," you say as you wrap your arms around his body.
Your ear on his chest even allows you to hear his heartbeat, which is unusually fast. Mark takes a big breath of air that moves his entire body and yours, also trapped in his arms. A warm feeling invades you, embraces your heart and awakens butterflies in your stomach. His heartbeat becomes softer, and his voice, smooth but full of honesty and pride, resonates throughout your body.
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
Mark was once the most careful of all. An incredibly strong and humble young man that thought could have the world in his hands. He had to completely lose control over everything he knew once to know fear, to know grief, to know guilt, to finally find healthy love and forgiveness. To others, but most important to himself.
"But, babe," Mark breaks the hug to raise his head and sniff in the direction of the kitchen. "Don't you think something is burning?"
"Shit!" you exclaim and bolt for the kitchen. "The tomato sauce!"
"Yeah, that's why I didn't take Taeyong's dream to pursue cooking." He crosses his arms and rests his body in the doorway, while you fight to save a burnt, almost brown colored tomato sauce by adding a little more puree and water. "I can't cook either."
You quit trying to deal with the sauce. It looks irreparable anyway. "Yeah… Sorry about that, baby."
"We will survive." Mark shrugs, then comes to kiss you affectionately on the cheek. "Wanna order some pizza?"
Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed my work, please leave a like, reblog or some feedback. I'd love to read your thoughts!
#nct fanfic#mark lee x reader#mark lee fanfic#mark x reader#zh-lele#candy colored cars#too fast#nct 127 fanfic#mark lee smut#nct smut
383 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dating Goku Headcanons | Goku x Reader |
author's note: i just love me some son goku!!!
pairing: goku x fem!reader
warnings: fluff, light nsfw mentions but nothing explicit
when you met goku, you were just out grocery shopping like any other tuesday
he wasn't even actually shopping there, he was just mooching off all of the free sample tables
they asked him to leave just as you were checking out, and so you ended up striking conversation with him in the parking lot, as his physique didn't imply he was starving, yet he was eating like he was
and as you walk away to your car with your groceries, you wonder just how you got finessed into cooking dinner for him that night
ever since he got a taste of your cooking, Goku was absolutely hooked on you
the key to a Saiyan's heart truly is through his stomach
Goku isn't the most romantic guy, and he can be a little clueless at first, but he's a swift learner and soon figures out your cues
his hugs are warm and strong, and he's always happy to give them
a good listener, and sometimes actually gives very good advice
loves, loves, loves kissing
Goku has, on more than one occasion, gotten so excited to kiss you that he's cut you off mid-sentence with a big ole smoochy smooch
and by the time he's done, you never remember what you were talking about
he doesn't know if he prefers to give or receive kisses, as both are so amazing to him
also very much loves to have sex
Goku can go as often as you want; he will literally never tire out before you
unsurprisingly, he's a generous lover too
goku loves to nap just as much as he loves to train, so getting quality time can be a bit of a struggle if you aren't in the mood for a nap
he won't get mad if you wake him up so you can do something together, but it's ideal to have a big sandwich at the ready so he won't pout about being woken up
Goku will literally wear that same damn gi every day if you don't organize outfits for him, so you end up playing dress up a lot
he's a very stunning model, and nine times out of ten you end up tearing the clothes right back off of him
Goku is literally the perfect boyfriend for when you have a sudden urge to rearrange all of the furniture
he's more than happy to move everything for you, even sometimes offering his own ideas or desires for where certain things should go
he's also perfect for dusting the ceiling fans and corners, since he's not only tall, but can fly
he's also got the most adorable sneeze
is always happy to see you, whether it's been an hour or a day or a week
he's a bit like a golden retriever puppy, if you really think about it
his joy upon seeing your face is increased tenfold after a day spent in the hyperbolic time chamber, as it's been a whole year for him!
he'll scoop you into those even stronger arms, kissing you and nuzzling you and talking a thousand miles a minute about this, that and the third
you and Goku don't fight often, but it's not an impossibility
sometimes Goku's naïveté can be frustrating, mostly when it comes to his rigorous training schedule
you see him every day, but it doesn't always feel like you're getting much time with him since you have to do the majority of the house chores and work full time
Goku doesn't argue much, and will usually just let you get your frustrations out before responding
you don't see his war face often, as you're not a fighter and never do see the battlefield
but when he's genuinely upset at you, you're pretty sure he makes the same face as he would to his enemies
being on the side of Goku's cold shoulder or disappointment is the worst feeling you've ever known, and you find yourself incredibly lucky that it's not only rare, but fleeting when it does happen
Goku sees so much of the good in anything and he'd never let a small mistake hold him back from the happiness you make him feel
loves to tell you how much he loves you, and thanks you often for all that you do for him
Goku is honest to a fault, and will tell you if an outfit or color looks bad on you
and while he's always down for a fight, his demeanor is less happy-go-lucky and more i-will-fuck-you-up whenever you get hit on by another man
jealous Goku is not a nice man, but good lord he's the best lover you've ever had
Goku has practically turned your home into an animal rescue with how many stray kittens and injured birds he finds in need of help
after he brought home a whole litter of kittens and their feral mother and begged you to let them stay for a while with those damned puppy dog eyes, you decided that the ASPCA should put him in their advertisements
Being with Goku has made traveling immensely easier and you go on vacations more often than you typically would, thanks to instant transmission and his ability to fly being able to nix your travel costs to a near zero
sometimes he'll pull out the old nimbus cloud and take you for a ride, letting you get a good look at the stars and all of their constellations
Goku is beautiful in the moonlight, and the spark in his kisses while underneath it feels stronger than normal
you've never felt this much happiness before meeting Goku, and each day is somehow better than the last
Goku isn't perfect, but he's everything you need and more
#goku x you#goku x reader#son goku x you#son goku x reader#goku headcanons#headcanons#goku#son goku#reader insert#db#dbz#dbs
387 notes
·
View notes
Text
Opposites
Cw- slow burn? - Fluff
I didn't understand how I ended up in this situation. He was the heir of the Six Eyes; nothing escaped his gaze. He could see everything, which made him almost omnipresent. It was ironic, if someone had asked him. He often thought that the idea that opposites attract was nonsense, but there you were. With your almost non-existent vision, I knew that your ability to see was minimal due to your power. You practically saw through touch and hearing; you weren't blind, not entirely.
Recapping… He was always behind you, making life easier for you. He did things you couldn't see, like picking up your pens, bringing down your favorite books, or removing obstacles from your path to prevent you from getting hurt. I didn't know how I ended up doing what I was doing today. It all started the day he met you at school. He remembers, perfectly well, that scene: you searching like a maniac for your pen, with your hair all messy and your cheeks pink from the effort and embarrassment you were starting to feel. He remembers almost mocking you when he saw you, and even more when he lifted your pen that was next to you and offered it back to you.
"Are you looking for this?" He waved the pen towards your face. His heart stopped when you approached, so much; your face was practically just centimeters away from his, you were angelic.
"Who are you?" You asked without moving away.
"A-a mm Well," Satoru cleared his throat, moving away a little. "Gojo. I'm Gojo Satoru."
"Ah, a Gojo," you said, downplaying it. He almost laughed at that. "My pen, where is it?"
"A-así, here it is, take it," Satoru extended his hand with the pen, offering it to you.
You even struggled to figure out which direction he was extending the pen to you. Since that day, he felt curious about you.
You were new, with mid-level abilities and a similar age to his. Hardworking and, according to him, a bit nerd. Little by little, he found himself looking at you more than usual. The day everything changed was when he saw you walking down the hallway as you always did. He swears he only blinked when he heard a cry of pain coming from you; soon he saw you lying face down on the floor, you had tripped. It wasn't necessary for him to help you, as many were already doing so. Shoko saw the curiosity on Satoru's face.
"It's Y/n, her ability restricts her vision drastically, and worsens when she's exhausted."
"You didn't have to tell me, it's not like I care," said Satoru, although it wasn't true. The truth was that he wanted to know anything about you. He didn't know when he had started feeling that need to know every detail about you.
In the following days, he began to follow you more closely, to remove small obstacles from your path, and he realized that he didn't want you to know what he was doing. Of course, luck was not on his side.
It was raining, it was summer, he remembers. It was raining cats and dogs as if something horrible were happening up there. He was tired and just wanted to get home, but soon his gaze shifted to you. You were looking for something, he could guess it was your umbrella. As he stealthily approached you, he could hear you cursing. You had slightly pink cheeks and his heart raced. For the first time, he wanted to touch those sweet cheeks. He made a risky decision: to leave you his umbrella without you realizing it and he would disappear. Eventually, you would find the umbrella and use it. Everything was going perfectly until you slipped due to the rain and he caught you in the air. He couldn't help but notice how tightly you clung to him. They were so close again and his heart was in his throat.
"I'll take you home," were his only words.
From that moment on, he didn't leave your side. Comments or looks didn't matter to him anymore. He wanted your safety as well as your comfort. Besides, now he could openly enjoy being close to you. At first, you were annoyed that he was with you most of the time, like a puppy. But you quickly got used to his presence. You could even relax around him and make you laugh until your cheeks hurt. You no longer had to strain your gaze; he had become your eyes. He had become a very good friend quickly.
He knew that, in your eyes, he was nothing more than a good friend to you. Several times, absentmindedly, you made it clear that you only saw him as a friend, even telling him about your fleeting crushes. He never let you see how in love he was with you.
"I have a mission," said Satoru as he played on the console.
"It seems we have missions on the same day because I also have one for Thursday." There were two days left for your mission and Satoru's.
"Who will be your partner?" Satoru asked with a more cautious tone at the new information.
"Mei Mei." Relief washed over Satoru. He knew Mei Mei was strong and could help you in case of any mishap.
---
Your mission was shorter than Satoru's, so you should already be at Jujutsu Tech, but he didn't see you anywhere when he arrived. He couldn't hear you.
"Y/n?" was the only thing he asked. A feeling settled in his stomach.
Most of the time, Satoru was funny and joking, but everyone knew when it was better not to interfere with his path and give him what he wanted without hesitation.
"Shoko," Ijichi replied.
In less than a second, he was talking to Shoko. She told him it wasn't serious, just a couple of scratches, and that you needed some rest. He didn't have to ask why you were injured; he knew it had to do with your eyes. When he entered the room and saw you with a bandage on them, his suspicions were confirmed.
"Toru?" you whispered, turning your head blindly.
"It's me," he walked over to your bed where you were resting and sat down there, then took one of your hands, as the other was injured.
"Does it hurt?" he toyed with your fingers, a small smile spreading across your face.
"Nope," you lightly squeezed his hand.
He wouldn't waste any more time, if he did, he could lose you, and that, that he wouldn't forgive himself. He knew what he had to do.
----
"Walk," Satoru pulled you along, not knowing where they were going. You had been walking for over fifteen minutes and still hadn't arrived anywhere.
"Have we arrived yet?" You knew that question exasperated him.
He squeezed your hand to signal that he was listening, his heart beating warmly as he saw the two of you looking like a couple holding hands and laughing, although a part of him was sad because he knew it was the last time he could hold your hand and you wouldn't find it odd, just as friends.
"We've arrived."
It was an optical shop. "An optical shop?" you asked skeptically.
You heard him laugh, "Yes, an optical shop. Or did you want to go on a date with me?" You rolled your eyes at his suggestion, and your heart continued to race as it had been doing for the past few weeks.
There, a professional examined you. It wasn't a common optical shop; instead, it worked for sorcerers and with cursed energy. It was almost impossible to get a consultation with these kinds of specialists. That's where Satoru got his glasses, and now he was bringing you to find a solution.
The examination was quick, then the specialist asked you to leave to talk to Satoru, which was strange, no doubt. Shortly after, Satoru came out and immediately went to take your hand.
"What did he say?" you asked eagerly.
"You need glasses, just like me," he raised his eyebrows suggestively.
He looked particularly attractive that day, white hair perfectly groomed, and his suit was impeccable. You weren't sure if you were up to having someone with such visual appeal by your side, but he made you feel like you had nothing to be insecure about.
Your thoughts were interrupted by the specialist calling your name. You quickly got up with Satoru.
"Here!"
It was clear. Everything, such clarity, had to be illegal. You couldn't remember the last time you could see so clearly. Satoru didn't want to tell you how much they cost; he just said, "take them as a tribute and sorry for eating your dessert from the refrigerator."
Clearly, you noticed how he had let go of your hand since the specialist put on your glasses. You couldn't help but wonder if anything would change now that you could see well. As for Satoru, he was having an internal struggle about what to do now that you no longer needed him.
Once they were out of the office, he started walking, lost in his thoughts, only stopping when he heard you shout his name. He turned, and you looked slightly annoyed. Damn, you looked beautiful with glasses.
"What-?" You ran towards him and took his hand.
You knew it; you stopped seeing him as just a friend a long time ago. Your heart confirmed it, just like the absence you felt when his hand wasn't holding yours.
"It's not a date if we don't hold hands."
#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x you#jjk scenarios#gojo x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu gojo#f/o imagines#writing#jjk fluff#jjk hcs#jjk headcanons#jjk#jjk fanart#jjk gojo#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art
60 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi love💃 could write something with Jude Bellingham x girlfriend reader where she's out with her girlfriends and jude see her in a instagramm story talking to some guy. And he's just jelous and angry and calls reader like 20 times and goes to the club to get reader
wc: 1.9k
Since getting back from uni I have been getting ready to go out with my friends for a girls night as we haven't been out in so long. All of us have been so busy recently that we haven't been able to get together but finally we all have one night free and I'm so excited to go out and enjoy the night with them. I also haven't been out in forever so I decided to put a bit extra effort in as I wanted to feel good about myself as although I know that the way I look doesn't mean everything it's still nice to look good and feel good about myself. For the occasion I got a new dress which I have really been looking forward to wearing so of course I had to put on some makeup and do my hair to go with it. Usually I dress more casually with less makeup on but every now and then I like to go all out just to show that I can look as good as all those models on Instagram that want to take my boyfriend from me.
Just as I finished putting my makeup on the bedroom door opened to reveal Jude who had obviously just got home. He smiled at me so I got up to greet him but instead of giving me a hug and kissing me like he usually would I noticed him look me up and down and then meet my eyes with a look which only ever means one thing. To distract him I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading downstairs to grab my purse and shoes. Like clockwork Jude followed behind me like a shadow wanting me to give him a proper kiss and whining until I did so.
"Where are you going looking so gorgeous?" He asked
"I'm going out with my friends it's girls night remember which means that you can't come" I said
"Thats a shame I was hoping to see more of you looking like that but have fun you deserve it" he said
"You will see me later I don't plan to be out for too long" I said
"It's ok go and enjoy yourself but remember if anything happens call me" he said before giving me one last kiss
We said goodbye to each other as I left and got into the Uber that was waiting for me with all of my friends in it. Right away they gave me loads of compliments on my outfit and makeup which made me feel even better about myself than I did before. Until we got to the club we were all catching up on what has happened since we last saw each other which was a lot as between us we live pretty crazy lives. When we got to the club we split up with a few of us going to get drinks while the rest found somewhere to sit for a while. As we walked through the crowd I could feel eyes on me but it's something I've grown quite used to as people often like to take pictures or judge me wherever I go because of Jude. This time it did feel a little different though and I found myself pulling my dress down and covering my chest to draw less attention to myself.
Somehow after a while I ended up alone with some of my friends at the bar others in the bathroom and some on the dance floor. Usually I'm ok on my own but this time as soon as I was left alone a guy came over to try and talk to me but he left after I completely ignored him. A few more tried it before some of my friends came back which is when I was left alone or at least the attempts to flirt were less obvious. I have been in situations like these before but Jude has always been there to either tell these guys to stop or show them that I'm not single but this time I have to figure our what to do on my own.
I still wanted to enjoy my night so I chose not to let a bunch of drunk guys ruin it and got up to dance for a bit. Dancing isn't really my thing but when I'm out with friends I have learnt to forget about what I look like and just have fun. That's exactly what I was doing finally letting go of the stress I have been carry for the last few weeks and completely forgetting that anyone else was in the room until I felt a hand on my waist. When I turned around there was a guy stood behind me trying to get me to dance with him so I politely told him I didn't want to dance with him but he wasn't happy with that and insisted on talking to me in the middle of the dance floor.
Jude's POV
Sitting alone at home with a movie on was incredibly boring it would be made so much better if y/n was here but she's out with her friends having fun. She's been so busy recently that she definitely needed a night with her friends to just relax as I know she has been super stressed but that doesn't mean I don't miss her company. It doesn't help that she looked so beautiful when she left I just wanted to stare at her forever but I had to let her go and just hope that there aren't too many other guys staring at her tonight.
The movie was so boring that I picked my phone up out of habit to look at anything else going on. I was scrolling through my instagram and skipping through peoples stories until y/n's friends story popped up which I paid more attention to so I could see what they were doing. There was a few stories of them all dancing and having fun but it was the last one that caught my attention the most. It showed all of her friends dancing with y/n in the background talking to a guy who I could tell was into her from just the story. Seeing that made me feel really jealous as even though I completely trust y/n and know she wouldn’t cheat or even entertain the idea of another guy this guy was with her and I wasn't. He was getting to see her look so pretty while I was just at home which annoyed me and I couldn't stop myself from texting her just to check she was ok.
I sent a couple of texts to her which went unread so I called her a few times instead but she didn't pick up and they all went to her voicemail. I wanted to just forget about it and let her have fun but I had a nagging feeling in my mind that I needed to go and make sure she was ok. My mind was at war with itself as on one hand I wanted to go and make sure y/n was ok but on the other hand I know I need to let her have fun and that she can handle herself if she needed to. After going back and forth for a while I decided that I couldn't just sit there incase she was out wishing I was there to help her. I decided that I would go and check on her and if she was fine I would just leave and wait for her to come home.
Once I had decided I was going I wasted no time in heading upstairs to change and then grabbing my keys to get in the car. The drive to the club wasn't that long especially when you go a bit over the speed limit. As soon as I got there I parked the car in record time before jumping out and heading straight into the club ignoring anyone who recognised me and wanted to talk. Like every club there was loads of people in there but I fought my way through and found y/n stood to the side with some guy. I couldn't see his face but I could see hers and from a mile away you could tell she was uncomfortable which just made me angry as this guy clearly had no respect for her.
Your POV
Any shred of enjoyment at being out with my friends was gone by this point as I never got any time alone with them every two seconds a different guy was trying to flirt with me and it was getting annoying. After a while I stopped responding at all and just stood there wishing Jude was here as he would put them in their place as these guys might actually listen to him. This one guy that had been pretty persistent all night was stood probably trying to flirt with me but I wasn't listening I was just thinking about finally getting out of here and going home. As I was plotting my escape I saw Jude walking towards me and to start with I thought I was seeing things but as he got closer I realised he was actually here and I can't lie I was happy that he had crashed girls night. He came right over to me and put his arm around my waist to pull me into his side. He was staring down the guy in front of me and if looks could kill the guy would definitely be dead.
"Hey baby who is this?" Jude asked
"I don't know he just came over to talk me" I said
"I think the better question is who are you?" The guy asked
"I'm her boyfriend not that it should matter as she clearly didn't want to talk to you and you just couldn't get the hint" Jude said
"How about we go and have some fun now that you are here" I suggested to get us both out of this situation
Jude followed me away from the guy but instead of actually going to the dance floor I headed for the exit while texting my friends to let them know I was leaving. As we left he still had a tight grip on my hand which he was holding and I could tell he was tense so I tired to reassure him without actually saying anything. He led me to his car which wasn't parked too far from the club and we started driving back home in an uncomfortable silence.
"Is everything ok Jude?" I asked
"Everything's fine it's just I saw that guy with you in your friends story and I couldn't help but get jealous as you looked so good when you left that I didn't want other guys getting to stare at my girlfriend" he admitted
"Oh Jude you know that I don't care about any other guy so what if they stare at me I still come home to you everyday" I said
"And I'm the only one that gets to see you without that dress" he added
"See that's a better attitude" I laughed
After that Jude seemed happier and when we got home he carried me straight upstairs but instead of doing what I thought he would he helped me do my usual routine and then we got into bed to just cuddle. He held me tightly and just whispered how much he loved me in my ear until I fell asleep.
263 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
mlmshark
Gay Shark Man
divinesknowdev
Indy
annamontesdeoca
flasheitos
zinebtaengo
Sans titre
lenniebriscoe
the sin is not your own.