#I really do enjoy trying to figure out what makes people do what they do
Text
One Heck of a Joyride[Ft. WooAh's Nana]
Word Count: 14-15K~ words
Collab with @octoberautumnbox
My Author's Notes: we are so excited to finally release this fic for yall, me and box have been working on this fic since the end of FEBRUARY (almost 3 months) and we have been working on it so hard to make it the best it can be so I really hope you will enjoy this fic
@octoberautumnbox's author notes: there u have it! took the better part of three months, but it was really fun to work on :DDDD Thanks to leafo for making sure i didn't slack LMAO
No tags since it is too long but this is fluff and smut
Thanks: of course @octoberautumnbox for working with me on this amazing collab. @4m1rz for being my lovely beta reader and @libraryoferos for being my motivation to not be lazy on this fic
And so without any further preface, let's get started, shall we?
================================================
“And I expect you all to get along this year. Leave the past behind you as you all face a new future together.” Sporadic applause rises slowly from the crowd and dies down twice as quickly. The dean sighs away from the mic and drifts offstage, leaving everyone disinterested in the rest of the program. It all goes by in a blur, and finally ends right as the air conditioners start to fail against the heat of a summer not-yet-ended.
Your attention is drawn away from the droning on and on from the stage and towards the many characters that populate the theater with you. You catch glimpses of people talking with their friends, a few crazy hair colours, and the occasional sleeping student who’s no doubt already saving up hours for the all-nighters to come.
Out of the corner of your eye, you notice someone in the front row with both people sitting next to her conspicuously leaning away. They seem to want to get up and leave her there by herself, but the way she gives no reaction despite the jeering tone coming from her seatmates leads you to think that she’s asleep herself.
~~~
“So yeah, That's the tour, bucko. Check the map if you’re ever lost.” Your student tour guide points at the multi-colored document on your phone. Vaguely you recall the various little symbols: which classrooms you can sleep in, which bathrooms are haunted, which shortcuts are best, all of the must-know basics of college life.
As you continue scanning around the campus, the girl from the assembly catches your attention again. She has her hood up this time, but you can tell it’s her; her quick pacing and how she is not looking around at anyone making you believe that she’s trying her best to hide.
“What about that one? Do we not talk about her?” you ask, pointing at the oblivious figure walking past, drawing eyes and whispers much like your own.
Your guide scoffs at the absurd idea. “That’s Nayeon. And no, we don’t. She fucked up last year, big time. Got a bunch of us in trouble. So stay away from her, she has those goody-two-shoes germs.” he says, walking away as while signaling you to follow him.
You wonder what she could have done to gain such a reputation. She was adorable earlier with her hood off, but the way people talk about her makes you want to steer clear against your own will.
~-~-~-~
Curiosity ends up killing the cat, and you manage to gather bits and pieces of the incident from last year from gossip, class lore, and even the way some professors acted:
“She’s the luckiest bitch in the world with not a single shred of common sense. Seriously, who goes and rats on a hundred other students like that?”
“The test incident shows she only looks out for herself, even if it means bringing down the entire class.”
“There’s really no excuse for it. You have the answer key in your hand, of course you take a picture! You don’t just leave it where it’ll incriminate some other innocent loser and say you’re only trying to do the right fucking thing.”
The sheer number of factoids you gather from the wild bunch of sources only slightly make sense. Unfortunately, trying to piece them together only took up more space and brainpower which you should have used to study for your midterms coming up. Keep to yourself and you can just barely pass and move on; there is no time for college drama.
After the exam, you approach the professor to ask about possibly bumping up your grade. You decided to maybe half-ass an extra credit assignment and get the lowest passing score, but you resolve to just see where it goes. While lost in thought, you nearly bump into the small girl in front of you. already talking to the teacher, and by the way they’re whispering, it seems like it’s something serious.
“I’m not sure what you’re trying to do here anymore, Miss Kwon,” the professor admits as he takes off his glasses and rubs his nose bridge. “None of this was necessary. I thought we wanted to leave all this behind us.”
Nayeon looks down to her toes in defeat. “I’m sorry, Sir. I was just thinking, maybe I’d get sent out of class this time.” Her voice cracks, giving away her vulnerable state: she’s near tears but trying to fight everything back to look tough. Sadly for her, you think, none of it is working.
“Look, just try to lay low. It’s your last year before all of this starts to not matter anymore.” Your professor finally puts his glasses back on and looks Nayeon straight in the eye. “Trust me, you’re better off keeping your head down. You’ll be fine.”
She walks despondently off to the right and out the door. Your feet choose to follow her, but a sudden jolt restores your common sense. “And you, Mister New Guy, what seems to be the problem? Beside your dismal score, that is.”
You have a slight feeling you are not getting a higher score.
~-~-~
After talking it out fruitlessly with the professor, he releases you from his classroom and you make your way out. The conversation with him didn’t take long, and so you arrive to a few jeers and muffled laughter once you step outside.
“Serves her right. Trying all this bullshit isn’t gonna change anything.”
“Seriously, cheating on a test she obviously studied for? How dense could she be?”
“I bet she just wants to show us up. She’ll study and then cheat, then she gets perfect marks on the test and she’ll show us she’s untouchable again.”
You find it hard to believe that Nayeon would resort to something as convoluted and pointless as that, but then again, you really don’t know her to make a judgment. Whatever she was thinking, you agree that it was idiotic to pull that sort of thing, even if you didn’t see any of it.
The weather on campus is the right mix of cloudy and sunny, with rays of light shining respectfully on the grass and pavement of your college courtyard. Something tells you that people-watching by the gym feels like the perfect lunchtime activity for a day like this, so you find your way to the properly noisy setting and look for a spot out of the way.
You settle on a spot by the side of the gym with the perfect amount of shade and wind, but you’re instead drawn further back to the rear by strange and irregular noises. Turning the last corner, you’re met with a surprising figure.
It was Nayeon, sitting with her back against one of the walls, her entire body curled up like a ball. You slowly inch closer and closer to her, and you realize the strange noises that you heard before were instead sniffles and cries coming from the lonely girl. Finally as you get close enough, Nayeon feels your presence and raises her head.
Her eyes were full of tears, who knows for how long she had been crying, and you could feel the sadness coming from her eyes; they were trying to tell you something, however, it's hard to figure out what. Her expression of sadness didn't stay for long though as soon enough her expression turns angry when you get closer to her, squatting down to look at the girl from a closer angle.
“Please, go away. Leave me alone.” The small girl pushes you away, but with her hand preoccupied wiping away her tears, she can’t do much to get rid of you.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? You have the nerve to do what you did last year and still show your face?” The anger in your voice catches you off guard. Since when did you take it personally when it came to her?
“Oh fuck off, new guy,” she taunts. “So I’m fucking hiding here, what more do you want?” She tries to act tough again, but it’s painfully apparent to both of you that it isn’t working. At this point, you really do just want to leave her alone. And just like every other time, nothing’s stopping you. So why are you staying?
You breathe a sigh of defeat at the situation you find yourself in. “Look, I don’t have any sort of beef with you personally, but come on. This is pathetic. You’re only embarrassing yourself by doing all this bullshit that isn’t like you at all.”
“And what if it’s not like me?!” Her shout sends a few birds hiding in nearby bushes to take off. This sort of language takes you aback from her; Little Miss Perfect Kwon Nayeon, top honour student, teacher’s favourite pet, hating herself?
“I… I don’t like being me, and I don’t like what I am.” She wipes her tears again and tries (and fails) to look you in the eyes once more. “So if you’re another member of the ‘I hate Nayeon’ club, well… Better show the club president some respect.”
She sits back down with her back against the wall. Nayeon's eyes are wet for the last time before she wipes them off and faces her lack of tears.
Normally in situations like those you would just walk away and ignore people like those for the rest of the school year, but for some reason with Nayeon in front of you, showing herself being weak, fragile, and sad, something about her makes it so you can't leave the situation alone. Curiosity gets the best of you, and you have to know why.
“No,” you turn back to her as a determined expression is painted on your face.
“What?”
“I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me.” You stand your ground, arms crossed, and Nayeon can't seem to be any more pissed than before. “What is going on? What do you mean you don't like yourself?” you ask.
For a while, no one dares to speak another word, and you wonder if what you have here is an argument. For a good few seconds, she stares at you intently as silence hangs heavy in the air.
“You think,” she says defeatedly between sniffles, “that I'm Little Miss Perfect, right? Like everyone calls me ‘the straight-A girl?’ Well I’m not, and I’m tired of everyone saying so.” She fishes out a very used handkerchief from her pocket and wipes her eyes of tears, only for them to be replaced by more.
“It can’t be that bad, Nayeon. People look up to you, I’m sure.” You finally notice your alarms are blaring and you’re put on high alert. What you just said was the exact wrong thing to say, and you’re at critical risk of involving yourself in her messy situation more than you should.
She side-eyes you, calculating if you’re being sincere or not. She stuffs her handkerchief back into her pocket carelessly as if knowing that she’ll only pull it back out again soon. She looks down at her hands, deep in thought, looking like she’s trying to grapple with something she might regret.
Once she’s done, she fumbles around in her backpack. She fishes out a tiny black notebook she seems to keep so well hidden, on the cover of the notebook the words ‘Nana’s Bucket List’ are scrawled in big, bold, immature-looking letters.
“Throughout all of my life, I always wanted to be the top student, the best of the best like no one ever was, and I succeeded, you know…” she scoffs. “Top marks in Elementary, Middle school, and Valedictorian in high school.” She sighs and tries to fight back more tears, though you notice she’s a bit more successful this time, with a bit of hope and yearning in her eyes.
"But on the other side… The other side seems so great. I mean, I see all these movies and books about college life," she says in between residual sobs and hiccups. She opens the notebook, showing you a not-so-long list, and even though it's hard to see the text from the small size of the writing, you can make out a little bit of what’s written on the paper.
Cheat on a test
Get drunk
Party all night
Dye my hair
Sing in an Open stage show
Sneak into a Public pool
Shoplifting
You know...
Most of what you read makes zero sense, and you’re half-convinced this girl is just crazy. You stare at the scribbled letters, hoping to draw more meaning from them, but Nayeon shuts the little notebook in your face and starts putting it back away.
"I want to do them all. Drinking, breaking glass bottles, partying, all that stuff," she explains dreamily. She zips up her bag and pats it down, making sure it’s secure beside her, and turns her attention back to you, “I want to live like a normal girl, you know what I mean?” she asks, you are not sure if its because of the tears, but her eyes seem to glitter.
"That's very cliche, Nana," you jab at her, making fun of the nickname she gave herself.
"That's all I know, though. Please." She takes your hand in between hers and looks up at you, teary-eyed and seemingly begging for her life.”This wouldn’t kill you, all I’m asking for is some help crossing stuff off of the list.”
You hate how well it works on you: her big, round eyes, her adorable little pout, her cute pleading voice. It goes against everything you know, and even now you’re sure you don’t want to get involved in whatever this would turn out to be. And yet, despite even the most deeply ingrained lessons you’ve learned for yourself, all it takes is a brief moment for it to come crashing down.
With a disbelieving sigh and a sense of regret creeping in, you ask: “What’s in it for me?”
~-~-~-~
You take a bite of your burger and breathe out. Cheap bun, dubious patty, artificial cheese, it all takes you back to a past life. You're left to momentarily wonder how you ended up where you are now, and slowly it comes back to you. You messed up.
"So, about the list." Nayeon sets down her cup, ice cubes clinking against each other as they swirl around her soda. "I already did one. So that’s one less thing for us to do”.
"I can do that much math, Nayeon. What do you take me for?" You chomp down on a few fries grumpily.
"I didn't mean it like that. All I'm saying is there are just a few more months left until graduation, so we'll need to be quick. We can’t be lazy about this." She pulls out the little black notebook and flips to an unfamiliar page. The words "cheat on a test" has doodles of a devil's horns and wings and tail around it, with lots of eyes and ears decorating the rest of the ruled paper. Above it, the poster you recognize from the movie "Bad Genius" is copied, albeit crudely, in a thought bubble.
"I did this one last year, don't ask. Anyway, this next one should be easy enough." She flips to the next page, showing a couple pictures of beer cups and wine bottles, surrounding the words “Get Drunk.”
“Wait, is this the ‘incident’ people hate you for? What even happened there?” You eat more of your fries, trying to hide your curiosity. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work and she nips the conversation in the bud.
“That’s not anything you need to know. What matters is now and the future. Now are you with me or not?” She snaps the notebook closed and yanks it away from your sight, back into the pocket she keeps it in.
“I can’t help if I don’t know what exactly your deal is,” you say disappointedly. You pick up your own drink and take a sip, and the cool soda washes over your tongue and throat on the way down. “You’re making this harder than it needs to be with everything that’s going on.”
For a moment, you catch Nayeon’s gaze on you, dumbfounded. You could almost hear the gears in her head turning as she tries to process your logic, but it takes a while. As she thinks, though, you take a particular interest in how she handles it: her mouth is hanging slightly ajar and her eyes are only half-focused on wherever they’re pointed. You notice how delicately her bangs fall on her forehead, how her eyebrows furrow and crease, how she tries finding the right words yet can’t find the message she wants to send. Odd things to notice, surely, and yet here you are. You messed up.
It starts coming back to you. The jeers from your classmates as you walk down the hall grow louder in your ears, and you fight against your hands trying to cover them with the knowledge that none of it is real anymore. The tears you fight back all the time surface for another rematch, but with your current state, you may be at a disadvantage.
Fortunately, she shocks you back into reality. “Hey, are you listening? I’m feeding you, so the least you could do is pay attention.” She bites a small chunk of her burger and chews, and you notice how her cheeks puff slightly and the corner of her mouth is decorated with a dollop of mustard.
Cute.
1 + 2. Get drunk + Party All Night
“God, this is stupid,” you think to yourself, exiting the convenience store. With a plastic bag in your right hand and your phone in your left hand, checking the time and the address Nayeon sent you earlier today. Finding it was easier than you expected, and you tried not to let the walk to her dorm set any expectations for you.
You bring your knuckles to the wooden door and make three quick raps. It swings open very quickly and you’re dragged into the cozy space without even the slightest chance to take off your shoes.
“You took forever! Did you bring the stuff?” She looks all over you and pats you down, looking for what you brought her.
“Get off, will you? I put them all in my bag like a normal person.” You swing your backpack off your shoulder and carefully place it onto a nearby table. Nayeon takes a seat and waits excitedly for what you brought for the two of you. From your bag, you produce three bottles of soju, three five-packs of Yakult, six cans of beer, and four bags of chips. She eyes each item with absolute interest as they leave your backpack, and she hardly contains herself once you finish and zip up your bag once more.
“Okay, so how does this work?” Her eyes sparkle with wonder, and while waiting for your instructions, it was clear that as much as she was excited, she was also inexperienced.
“First off, get us some shot glasses and a pitcher. Oh, and a can opener.” Nayeon bolts off to the cooking area, and you can hear drawers opening and shutting loudly. You start getting concerned when you hear plates start to clatter against each other, but thankfully it dies down quickly and she returns with two small glasses, a decently sized pitcher, and a can opener.
“Shit. I meant bottle. Bottle opener.” Without even a hint of annoyance, she rushes back off into the kitchen and, after a few more rummaging sounds, she returns with the correct item. She really must not know what she’s doing.
“Come on, show me!” She shoves the bottle opener into your hand, and you’re left with no choice.
“Don’t you have a roommate we have to worry about?” You pop the cap off one of the soju bottles and then tear the aluminum top off two bottles of Yakult. “She’s out with her own friends. Hurry!” Despite her starting to get on your nerves, you pour all three into the pitcher and swirl them around together. Once you’re done, you pour the mixture into each of the glasses until they’re full.
“Bottoms up, Nayeon.”
“Bottoms up!”
The both of you down your drinks: yours slowly crawls down your throat, but hers disappears straight into her stomach. She reels at the burning lines left by the alcohol all over her esophagus and takes a bit of time to recover.
“Whoa, that was,” she says, and a burp erupts from her mouth, “intense.” She sways a little bit to the left before righting herself, and then overcompensates to lean to the left again.
“Easy there, champ. We’ve got two more bottles to go through.” You pour another shot for each of you, hers first and then yours, and raise your glass once more.
“Open the chips now,” you tell her. “This’ll be less dreadful with food.”
Both of you down your shots at the same time, and Nayeon reels at the sensation once more.
“Does that get easier?” Her speech is slowly starting to slur, the poor thing. “I’m kinda feeling a little something right now, too…”
“Yes, but only if you keep going at it, idiot. Don’t down everything so quickly.” Grab one of the bags of chips yourself, open and present it to Nayeon on the center of the table.
“Eat. You’ll hate this less.” You take a handful of chips and bring all of them into your mouth. Once you do, you raise your eyebrow at her to tell her to do the same.
“Isn’t… *hic* being hungry the thing for… faster drunk?”
“Apparently so, Nayeon. I don’t even know what I expected from you.” You take another shot, alone this time. She tries to pour her own shot, but fails miserably at getting the liquid anywhere near the inside of her shot glass. It’s adorable how she tries, though.
You pour her another shot despite a small voice telling you maybe she isn’t cut out for this much in such a short time. You shove the voice aside in favor of Nayeon’s own words: “We pregame, drink a little, and then we go. Party starts at 7:30, so we leave here by 7 o’clock.” Her shot glass fills with the drink, and you place it in front of her, making sure at least to keep an eye out for what might happen next.
She successfully picks up the glass and, sans the spills she made on the glass's way from the table to her mouth, drinks everything she could. She slams the glass onto the table in no light movement and you have a slight inkling of regret at letting her do that to herself.
“You… We have to… Fuck.” Nayeon’s head droops and she catches her face with her hands. She may have underestimated how strong soju is, or maybe what being drunk actually does to a person. A groan emanates from behind her palms, and you notice she’s having trouble holding herself up.
“Aren’t we going out after this? You might wanna slow down, idiot.” You pour yourself another shot and drink it leisurely. Nayeon tries leaning back onto the chair, and she finally pries her hands away from her eyes. She does a few quick blinks, and she tries to focus her sight on you. Her head sways a little bit, and it dawns on you that you may have overestimated her.
“I’m okay… just… we have to go.” She tries to stand up, but she wobbles dangerously and you have to catch her. Dive under her and take on her weight, thankfully not too heavy, and keep her from hitting the floor. She mumbles a bit about something you can only kind of understand, but it's enough to guide your next decision.
“Forget it,” you grunt as you plop her back into her chair, “we're not going anywhere.” An exasperated sigh leaves your lungs, and you head off to the kitchen to return with a large bottle of cold water.
“No… we have to go. We'll be late.” Nayeon tries to get up again, but there's no strength left in her body. She sits motionlessly, probably thinking that she's already stood up, and it gives way to a confused look on her face as to why she's still in the same place.
You fill a proper-sized glass with water and hand it to her, which she drinks obediently. You fill her palm with potato chips which she also eats without objection. The way her jaw moves, clumsy and slow, signals a threat that she might just fall over any minute.
You move your chair to her side and sit there, allowing Nayeon to lean her head on you. Her hair covers her reddening face, and her hiccups arrive in growing force.
“If you're still in there, Nayeon,” you say quietly, “we're not going out. I can't look after you this closely at a party.” All she does to respond is nod. Her hiccups are punctuated intermittently with sniffles, which you take as a sign that she knows she has no power left to object.
Still, you feel bad for her as her plans fall through. Despite the responsible thing to do, put her to bed and leave, you kick yourself mentally before deciding to stay anyway.
“Movies and snacks?”
~-~-~-~
Before you know it, the night goes by just as quick. You go through the list of movies she’d always wanted to watch: The Truman Show, The Great Gatsby, Mean Girls, and even then there’s still a few left on her list. You could tell she was watching properly halfway through the first, and that was the telltale sign that she’d sobered up.
You drink a bit more with her in between movies, and she would frequently pause to get up and put on a song to dance to. “It keeps me awake,” she said, “I can’t fall asleep before the good part happens.” The songs she put on are generic pop and the kinds you skip whenever they come up, but you let it pass for tonight.
At some point, she pulls out an old Wii and challenges you to Mario Kart. “I am undefeated in this game. I’m not even that good, everyone else that challenged me just sucked.” You take her up on her offer, and the match begins. You try and almost get ahead of her in a few of the turns, but she would always take back her lead at the slightest opportunity of you hitting a wall or missing an item. And the way she glows with pride every single time she crosses the finish line before you do, the sudden brightness that fills her face when she wins race after race, the confidence it gives her that she isn’t actually the worst person in the world, all of it is a sight to behold. People may see Kwon Nayeon as an arrogant goody-two-shoes traitor, but the way you see her now is different: just someone with a past to outgrow.
Right as the last movie’s credits start rolling, mischievous thin rays of dawn sunlight slip past the tiny gaps in the curtains. Both you and Nayeon have little energy left for anything else, and you maybe think it’s time to call it a night and go home.
“Let me walk you out,” she says while trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes for a little bit longer. You both get up and walk to the door, and as it opens your faces are flooded with a world right before it wakes. Dewdrops sit respectfully on leaves and blades of grass, birds are only starting to stretch their wings, and the crisp morning air fills your lungs with a calm grace.
You turn back to Nayeon, who you find is still admiring the dawn, and grasp her elbow. “Sit with me.”
You both squat down and take your seats again on her doorstep. Clouds roll in and dot the sky, wandering on the blank canvas of today, eagerly waiting for sunlight to block out. The sun peeks over the horizon and the first proper rays start to arrive, spreading warmth where they land. Nayeon meets your eyes one last time, and the pair of you find a sleepy and still a bit drunk person when you look at each other.
“Well,” you say as if it was a farewell, “good night, Nayeon. And good morning.”
“Good night,” she giggles back, “and good morning to you too.”
3. Sneak into a Public Pool
“Are you sure about this?” Nana’s tone is subdued by fear. Her voice shakes and struggles to be as quiet as possible, but at the same time you get the feeling that if you didn’t need to be quiet, she’d be yelling right now and trying to get the both of you to leave.
“Can you please shut up? I’m trying to focus!” You find the first of the pins and push it out of the way. For a moment, you lament how restricted you are: this could have been such a simple lock to break, replace even, but the girl dragging you around was deathly insistent on leaving as little damage and evidence as possible.
“You shut up! I'm whispering here!” Anger rises in her voice, and you almost feel anger in yours too. You're able to stop it though, and you remind yourself that if ever a guard was on watch that actually cared about this place, they'd be easily outrun.
The lock presents more of a challenge than you thought; despite the agonizingly simple solution of snapping its shackle, its inner mechanisms are harder to crack for whatever reason. Taking it pin by pin is supposed to be an easy task, but the warm and humid air and the incessant nagging seem to debilitate you. It’s such a nice night out for a swim, why make this any harder than it needs to be?
After what seemed like eternity you finally manage to pick the lock, sighing in relief as the both of you head forward quietly, but cautiously looking side to side just in case. The metal-grate door swings open slowly, avoiding any creaking sounds it may make otherwise, and the both of you enter the pool area.
“I gotta say Nayeon, this went better than I thought it would,” you say, both of you looking at the rectangular box of water which unlike during the day, was completely still, no waves, no splashes, just the water. It glistened and reflected all manner of light: the pool lights above and below the water, the yellow street lamps far off on the sidewalk, and the moon overhead, singing tones of wonder and mystery to those touched by its borrowed glow.
Off to the side, you find Nayeon fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Her head whips round incessantly as she tries to keep a lookout of the surroundings rather poorly. Sigh a deep one, and finally go over and take your seat next to her.
“Thanks… gimme a sec.” She finally grabs the hem decisively. The fabric crumples a bit under her grip and folds as it's pulled up.
You can’t help but watch as the shirt starts to leave her body, revealing a slim and toned tummy underneath. Your breath hitches as it crawls higher, reaching her face and obscuring her sight, and she inadvertently shows off a dark purple sports bra that’s… a size too small. Your gaze lingers on her cleavage and the flesh of her boobs lightly spilling out of the garment.
Nana turns around and you’re treated with the view of a beautiful back and shoulders to die for. The way her body twists and turns in the slightest ways to negotiate the shirt off of her form is the most sensual dance you’ve ever seen.
And you realize you’re staring. Fortunately for you, she doesn’t seem to notice, and she continues on to fold the shirt properly before setting it next to her sports bag. You opt not to risk staring any longer, and you decide to get rid of your own shirt. You strip quickly, and your shirt flies off approximately near Nayeon’s things in a messy pile by itself.
Sit on the edge of the pool, dip your feet into the water. There’s absolutely no reason for it to be this warm, you think, but whatever the case may be, it feels like a tea that’s just about to go cold. This, coupled with the humid air and quiet atmosphere, makes for a perfect night to spend on whatever this is with her.
She joins you and takes her seat at the edge of the pool, and in every other situation, you’d ask her to back off a bit. Instead, as she lays her head on your shoulder and takes your hand in between hers, you lose your steel in the most important of times.
“I’m scared.” Her eyes never leave the water, taking in the light dancing on its surface. Her face is fraught with worry, and while you know it’s for no good reason, you nevertheless try to reassure her.
“Yeah, someone might jump out of the bushes and arrest us for swimming in a swimming pool,” you say mockingly. “They’re gonna take us to court on the charges of ‘using something the way it was meant to be used’ and we’re gonna get life sentences. When we’re all old and wrinkly they’re gonna sit us in the electric chair.”
“Okay, I get your point. But still, though, I’m scared.” She grips your hand tighter, and for some reason you can’t resist her. Place your other hand over hers and try to calm her down. Nana takes a deep breath with her eyes closed, and finally looks at you with a reserved grin.
“Alright, I’m good. Let’s go.”
You feel her hand on your back, and warmth spreads from her palm. Her smile grows just a bit wider and her eyes follow suit. Her teeth show themselves from between her lips, and you’re almost tempted to dive right in.
Lucky for you, she helps. The hand on her back suddenly applies more pressure, pushing you to the pool and causing a splash going all directions. Collect your thoughts and raise your head above the water to see Nana, face full of laughter, right before she dives in the water with you.
It takes a second, but her head resurfaces and you find yourself relieved. She catches her breath once more, and before you know it, you're met with a faceful of chlorinated water. “What are you staring at?” She says between hearty laughs.
Wipe the water from your face, find the humor. Laugh with her, and face her properly.
Another shade of Kwon Nayeon. Granted, it's one with no makeup and way less clothes than usual, but none of that takes away from her natural, elegant beauty. It's captivating, the way her figure glides around the water, the way the cool night air wisps around the pair of you, the way the moon throws its rays around the world, your world, so haphazardly.
Another faceful of water, and you snap out of your daze. “Creepy ass,” she snorts happily. She splashes you again, and this time you fight back.
“Race you around the pool.” You start paddling, and the water grows loud against your ears. She says something back to you and starts paddling herself to catch up.
“Yeah,” you think to yourself, “whatever this is with her.”
4. Sing in an Open Mic
“Another night, another goal,” you muse, sitting in your car with Nayeon in the passenger seat. It has become quite a routine that every time she wants to do something on her bucket list she asks you to pick her up. You don’t mind too much — she pays for gas after all.
“Where do we go this time?” Nayeon just shoves her phone in your face, showing a map with directions to some bar out of town. She looks at you expectantly, but without any more information than what you’re currently getting, you’re at a loss for what she’s trying to make you see.
“A club.”
“Exactly.”
“We already did ‘get drunk.’”
“I know. This is different.”
“How so?”
“Take me here. Make me sing. Take me home.”
The pieces connect in her head and she pulls out the notebook again. She flips to a page you again haven’t seen, and when she shows it to you you’re treated to the sight of “Open Mic Stage” in graffiti-style letters and the poster of “Wedding Singer” scrawled in the bottom right corner of the page.
“If you have the map, why not just do this yourself? You didn’t need to wait for me. If anything, I’d only laugh at how bad you might be.” You push away her phone and notebook, choosing to return your attention to the sidewalk instead. The boba tea place you keep hearing about is nearby.
“That’s the thing,” Nayeon interjects again, “I have been there before. I listened to all the people singing, and they’re… some are good. I don’t know if I am, but I got shy at the last minute and I never even got near the stage.” She grabs your sleeve and your attention. “I need you to make me sing. Don’t let me chicken out.”
You shrug, “Sure, let's do it.”
~-~-~-~
Taking up two seats at the bar, you try and seem to fail at helping Nayeon calm down. Her guitar rests against the bartop beside her while she fans herself hurriedly with her hand. “It’s so nerve-racking… I knew this was a mistake,” she adds before turning back and trying to leave the place, however, you stop her in her tracks
“Come on, you worked so hard for this,” you say, recalling the number of recordings she sent you: one for each take she was doing. “You can do this,” you continue reassuring her, knowing she’s more ready than ever. At the same time, you could see your friend get more nervous by the second, now taking more sips of her water bottle.
“But what if I miss a chord, or I sing badly? Everyone will laugh at my mist–'' You know at this point she’ll only spiral to worse and worse thoughts, so you nip it in the bud and stop her right there. You take both her shoulders in your hands, making Nayeon stop her nervous rambling, and her cheeks turn a shade of pink.
“I believe in you, Nana. just take a deep breath.” You stop to let her do as you say, taking a deep breath in and slowly breathing it out. The tension leaves her with each breath she takes, and you find a moment to keep her stable. “Good, I am sitting right here, not leaving for any reason, so if you feel nervous, just find me. Look at me.” Her gaze softens at your promise, and her lips form a tiny smile in response to your words.
Hearing the current open mic singer finishing up his song, you send her off with some final words. “Your turn now, Nana. Break a fucking leg.” You leave her shoulders as her smile slowly starts to grow.
You watch her heading toward the stage, taking her guitar out of the cover, and taking her seat on the chair in front of the mic. “Hey,” she starts, “I am Nayeon… and I’m gonna sing Spring Day by BTS… I, uhh, hope you enjoy.”
She takes one last deep breath as you find her gaze on you. You return a reassuring smile, and Nayeon’s eyes fly back to her guitar. She strums her first chord, and the crowd’s welcoming applause rises.
youtube
“I’m missing you, when I say that I miss you more, I’m missing you…” Nayeon’s fingers strum the strings delicately, and it enchants you how graceful and in control she is of her instrument. The wood and metal of her guitar work together under her guidance to produce a beautiful sound, one you feel deep inside you'd never have heard the beauty of if not here, not now.
The way her lips move to articulate her words is heavenly, like she has you under a benevolent spell to bring you a rare sort of peace. It captivates you how she carries herself; behind her tough outer shell is a scared and confused layer, which hides a soft and optimistic core and wants to chase a brighter, happier future by cherishing the present. You marvel at your luck, that you were permitted to see so much of her, and how openly she welcomed you in when all she knew was aloneness and to shut people out.
“Snowflakes falling from the sky, are drifting further by and by…” Her heavenly voice draws you in, and it commands your attention like it speaks directly to your soul. The sound of Nayeon tugs on your heartstrings, pulling you closer to its source, and you let yourself get whisked away.
And to its source you look; find a girl with courage like you’d never seen. See Kwon Nayeon in a different light than the harsh monotones of the classroom fluorescents, but in a spotlight that she takes up with everything in her soul. It’s a different shade of her: a shade of Nayeon that only you could comprehend, a part of her that only you had the privilege to understand.
“I breathe you out there somewhere, like smoke in the air…” The space grows warmer, like a hearth welcoming you home. Your surroundings quiet down as Nayeon pulls them deeper and deeper with her subconscious command: rest, lay down your worries and fly for the moment towards your peace. You look around, and every fellow face in the crowd you see has their eyes fixed on Nayeon’s performance; they’d never know it, but it’s the debut of a person coming into a whole new life free of regret and cowardice. It’s Nayeon building herself up from the rubble of a past that she aims to forget.
“Flowers blooming towards the sky, has winter finally passed by?” The noise of the world seems to die down, as if just you and Nayeon are the only two things in existence. The pace of her strumming slows, as do the lyrics that escape her mouth. Every note she produces is deliberate, gentle, comforting, and for once you feel like you’re able to imagine a brighter tomorrow like her.
With her.
The song draws to a close, and she looks all over the crowd as they start to clap. You can't help but join in. Nayeon just bows lightly, and you can feel how happy she is that everything went well in her song. As she steps off the stage, you leave your spot and head toward her.
With both of you only a couple of steps apart, you chuckle lightly, “Well it wasn't so bad was—” You were stopped, caught off guard by your friend, dashing to you with open arms and crashing into your chest, wrapping her arms around you, and pulling you into an embrace.
No words are spoken; both of you just stand there, hugging each other, her face nuzzling your chest as you could faintly feel her heartbeat. You were quite surprised with Nayeon being so open with you, since it was just a short time ago you made your promise to help.
“Thank you…” she says, now releasing you from her embrace, noticing how her eyes shed small tears, that you couldn't figure out if they are tears of sadness, or happiness.
“... Always here for you Nayeon.”
“Please… call me Nana,” she says. She takes her notebook and crosses off another line from her bucket list, and as she walks toward the exit, you make way for the people coming by to greet her for the performance.
You can't help but wonder… has something changed after that performance?
5. Shoplifting
“Pick something already, it's not that hard,'' you remark impatiently while tapping your feet. Both of you are staring at the snack section of the local convenience store near your college, and Nana hovers her hand over the selection of snacks to look for the perfect one.
“Stop rushing me, I'm trying to choose which one will not get me caught,” she replies, still focused. The veteran petty thief in you groans, recalling your highschool days where nicking a cigarette or two (or ten) every once in a while gave you back huge chunks of your monthly budget. You miss the simplicity of it, and you once again find the restriction of being so careful more annoying than anything else. How come for Nayeon it is such a big struggle to steal one snack? You shoot the question up to whichever god might be listening, and you even half-expect an answer back.
“You are thinking about it too much, the cashier is probably not gonna notice even if you stole something that made noise,” you add, tapping your foot rapidly, like you were some parent spending too long in the toy section.
“Well, please forgive me, oh thug master, it’s my fault that I never did that shit before!” Her whispers are loud enough for you to hear clearly, your less-than-welcoming attitude leading her to take a deep sigh.
“Fine, if you want to make it easier, do the buy one steal one method,” you explain.
“The what?”
“Well to make it simpler than it already is, you dolt, you take two things, one you buy normally, and the other one you don't pay for,” you added as it seems to all make sense in Nayeon’s head. “Defeats the fucking purpose why we’re here, but really, the longer we spend here to leave with just four things, the more anyone will suspect us.”
Despite your best efforts to hurry her, they all seem to only make her take even longer. Her brow furrows deeper, as if trying to form lasers in her eyes to burn holes through the plastic wrappers.
Your patience wears thinner by the moment, and you resolve to isolate before you lose it completely. “So if you’ll excuse me, I will get my shit and meet you outside,” you say, leaving her alone in the aisle.
As a promise to yourself not to shoplift anymore, you decide to buy just one pack of cigarettes. You light one of them as you lean against one of the store’s walls, watching the sun start to set. Find yourself sitting down, admiring the beauty of a day near its end, taking in the world around you.
Two cigarettes and fifteen minutes later, a small ding sounds from somewhere in the front of the store. It’s Nayeon, half-running out of the building, her face painted with worry as she finds and walks towards you.
“So, you did it?” A smile forms on Nayeon’s face as she takes her right hand to her jean’s pocket, revealing a small candy bar. She brandishes the candy around like a magic wand, as if trying to charm you into being proud of her.
“Well… it's something,” you nod, while the two of you start towards her dormitory.
“Oh don’t say ‘it’s something’ when you didn't steal anything,” she exclaims. She holds the candy bar up against the setting sun, examining its entire wrapper. Now that you’re a considerable distance from the store, the worry on her face has been replaced completely by pride and excitement.
“Well I don’t shoplift anymore, the only reason I'm letting you do it is because you wanted the experience, which by the way,” you scoff, plucking the snack out of her hands, “all of that was for a chocolate bar.” This earns you a pretty strong punch on the shoulder, and the force loosens your grip on the snack enough for Nayeon to steal it back.
“Shut up,” she says, her cheeks seeming to grow a small shade of pink. She walks faster, leaving you no choice but to speed up as well.
6. Dye my Hair
“Do you think blonde hair will suit me?” Nana asks, holding the color card next to her face. You come in for a closer look, but as you stare you stop and wonder why you even did so in the first place.
“Yeah… uhh yeah, I think it can suit you well.” You weren't an expert in hair styles and colors, so honestly unless it was a color that was actually hideous, everything was fair game.
Nana smiles at your response and picks out a box of blonde hair dye to add to her basket. You’re a bit nervous that she wants to dye it at home with you, but any attempts you made to convince her to see an actual stylist have been dismissed. “It’s easy,” she said, “there’s instructions on the box.”
“So, how was it?” You’re half-convinced that the bleach is eating through your rubber gloves, but you soldier on.
“Was what?” Nayeon checks herself out in the mini-vanity mirror in front of her. You have to swat her hands away from her head with your elbows, but apart from that she stays on her best behavior.
“You know,” you shrug, “this whole thing. The stealing, the swimming, the dyeing your hair.” You try to keep the bleach from dripping onto your arms, mostly aiming for the scattered sheets of newspaper the two of you prepared on the floor, but there’s only so much you can do. You just resolve to wash off any drops as quickly as possible.
You get the feeling that she hoped you wouldn’t notice, but you did. The smile on her face dimmed the slightest it could before she could fix it. “It was… great! Stuff I’ll remember for the rest of my life, for sure.”
Like some form of cosmic karma, she spots your involuntary grin in the mirror. “Good. That’s good.”
The color drains from her hair bit by bit as you apply the bleach carefully. You’re not sure how quickly you have to finish, but Nana seems not to mind. You gently stroke and rub the product through her hair, taking special care not to come into contact with her scalp too often, all the while she turns her head from side to side to admire the look she’s going to have soon.
“You know…” she says suddenly, avoiding your eyes in the mirror, “this was really fun. I’m so happy I got to do all that stuff on my list.” Her smile changes: what was once a cheerful and optimistic smile just a few moments ago is now a wizened and melancholic one. “I mean it. Thank you for helping me.”
She makes eye contact with you again in the mirror, and she flashes that smile to you once more. Her hair grows lighter with each passing second, and as her back relaxes and straightens, it seems that the weight of the world leaves her shoulders as well. She breathes more easily now, and despite the fumes the box says you should do your best not to inhale, you breathe easier too.
~-~-~-~
You’re sat back again on her sofa, and Nana tries her best not to mess with her hair that’s still soaking. She looks kind of silly, what with her old towel around her shoulders faded to near oblivion, her hair in sections making her look like a half-done scarecrow, her hands going up halfway to her head only to be forced back down by the other.
And yet, you admire another shade of Nayeon. This time, it’s a girl who’s scared of the future, of changes she might regret later on. It’s something deep in her character, even central maybe, to be afraid of things she can’t take back. Even then, she takes her leaps and bounds to try and outrun her past, and finally, you see the razor edge that keeps everything in balance: Nayeon’s fear which dictates her present, and Nana’s strength which leads her to her future.
“Hey,” you say abruptly, surprising even yourself, “you good?”
“I think so. My head’s itchy. Is that supposed to happen? Should we wash it off?”
“No, jackass, it’ll look even worse if you quit halfway.”
Your words set in and she realizes you’re right. Worry seeps into her face and you notice tears start to well up in her eyes.
“Look, this might not be comfy right now, but I promise it’ll be worth it later on.”
“Really? You promise it’ll look good?” She looks over to you with pleading, shiny eyes, and it almost hurts to tell her no.
“I said I promise it’ll be worth it. Not that it’ll look good.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
You chuckle at the sudden rise in her voice. After all this time, she’s still Nayeon, still Nana. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.
“It means… if you stick with it, there’s no way you’ll regret what we just did.”
7. You know…
The end of your senior year of college rolls around, and the graduation ceremony is still fresh in everyone’s minds. Photos of friends together and square caps thrown into the air decorate your social media feeds for a good few days, and you can’t deny the whole thing was something you wouldn’t forget for the rest of your life.
And finally, Nana’s bucket list has been finished. To think that all of it was done in the span of a college year is quite impressive to say the least, as before you started she was lost in her own goals and left sitting for a good three years. Now, looking at your diploma, it was not only a sign of your successful studies at college, for you it was also the sign of helping your dear friend get to where she wanted to be.
Speaking of the devil, now sending you a message
On the way, you see various people from her dorm building heaving away bags and suitcases, undoubtedly taking advantage of the nice weather to move out. You see people hugging each other, taking selfies, exchanging numbers, and all the while you think of each of them with their own stories to tell when they get home, but none so interesting as the one you and Nana built together.
The walk up the stairs was more of the same, people saying goodbye, and you can’t help but feel a bit of nostalgia. It was by no means a short year, but for everything you did, the feeling of wanting just a bit more time never seems to leave you. You recall the first time you saw her, that quiet girl in the front of the auditorium with four seats of clearance around her, and how you slowly watched her grow into the fine and confident woman she is now. Part of you is unbelievably proud of what she’s achieved, but another part of you knows it’s all her doing and you were only along for the ride.
You reach Nana’s room just as her roommate was leaving, and you exchange pleasantries with her before she goes off. “Hey, just so you know, Nayeon’s a really nice girl,” she says in whispers to you, “I’m glad she found you before she left.” She pats you on the back before going off to the stairs herself. Something deep inside you glows in agreement, and you think to yourself how lucky you were to be able to meet and spend time with a person like her.
“Hey, come in!” Nana pushes you into her now half-empty room. “Yuri just left, so we have the place all to ourselves!” You take a seat on her easy chair while she plops herself down onto her bed. The half that still has stuff in it is simple and unassuming, and the realization dawns on you that this is the first time you’ve been in Nana’s room. Despite this, the space is warm and cozy, like it was filled with a good sort of energy for a long time.
“Cheers” you both say at the same time, each with a can of beer that you both drink fairly quickly. You recall the first time of her drinking with you, how easily she felt her stomach hurting but this time she quickly shrugs off the bitter taste.
“You know,” Nana says, her eyes shining and her smile flashing itself directly at you, “I am really happy that you helped me with the bucket list, I couldn't do it without you.”
You simply laugh casually and say “Come on Nana, all you needed was confidence.”
“And who do you think gave me that confidence? I really mean it…thank you,” she says, and you can't help but smile at her back.
“Let me get some snacks, okay? Don’t move a muscle.” As she stands and heads toward the kitchen, you go to check up your phone to see what the time is. However, just as you are about to go into your Instagram, you notice something on the table: a little black notebook that’s only all too familiar.
When you think about it, She has never shown you the actual list besides that one time when you two first talked. “A peek won't hurt right?” you say, the alcohol definitely makes the choice for you. Your sober self would never invade someone's privacy, especially not some as close as Nana’s, but regardless, you open it and…
You flip through the pages, and the notebook reveals so much more. The few pages you’ve been shown were just decorated pages, and each mission was a chapter, filled with dozens of writings, pictures, scribbles, each for its own topic. You find yourself smiling, muttering quietly to yourself: “You really worked hard on it… didn't you?”
Your attention is snatched to Nana across the room, looking at you with cheeks fully red. You can't help but curse quietly, and you try to come up with something of an apology. However before you can finish your first word she says…
“Hey, come on, put that down!” Nana rushes toward you, nearly tossing the snacks off to some random part of the room, and snatches away the little black notebook from your hands. She hugs it close to her chest as she turns away, and she looks over her shoulder to peek if you might still be thinking about snatching the notebook back.
Instead, you raise your hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Sorry. But what's there to hide? Aren't we done?” You take another sip of your drink before picking up one of the snacks. You open the bag of chips and place it on the table for the both of you.
“Well… I had one other thing. I gave up on it a long time ago, just never ripped out the page.” Nana turns back toward you and fiddles with a leaf of the notebook. Her steps are careful when she gets nearer to you, as if cautious to scare you away.
“What?!” You bolt to your feet in surprise, your drunkenness taking a backseat at the sudden exposition. “Shit, we gotta go now! What is it?”
“Calm down,” Nana mutters, her feet rubbing against the carpet, “it isn't something we can do anywhere else anyway. Or, I mean, it’s done? I don’t know…”
Your nerves are still flaring, but you get the feeling that whatever it is, there's nowhere else but where you are now that Nana could do the last bucket list thing. Your gaze steadies on her, and she looks like she wouldn't budge for the world. Her eyes never leave the floor, her hands stay guarded on the notebook, and for some reason, she's also able to keep you just where you are.
“So… what is it, then?”
“Promise me you won't get mad?”
“... Promise.”
Once she hears you say it, her eyes shut tight. As if gathering courage, she takes a deep breath before taking deliberate steps to where you're standing. You never see it coming, but the next thing you know, Nana's soft lips are on yours, her delicate fingers keep you steady in place, and her vanilla scent fills your nose and overwhelms your senses that you can't think of anything at all but her.
It takes only half a second, but you melt into the kiss yourself. Your eyes flutter closed and start to forget the world around you in favor of the girl who stayed by your side. The space between the two of you grows smaller, your hands make their way to her waist, and you let your selfishness take over and keep her for yourself as well.
The kiss breaks just as you hold her, and both your eyes shoot open to find hers just as wide as yours.
“I-I, umm… I’m sorry, it was too sudden, and uhh…” It wasn't too hard to see how much she was stuttering, and if you weren't so surprised yourself you would've also joined her like the blushing mess she is right now.
The alcohol was starting to hit you again, and your better judgment slowly left you as you took her lips once more. You have no time to be surprised at how willing she is, and you resolve to just enjoy the kiss with her. You lead her to the edge of the bed and sit her down; and the first chance she gets, she lies back onto the mattress and pulls you with her.
“If you really wanna know…” She flips to the last page of the notebook and shows you. It’s a simple picture, just two stick figures in a heart, holding hands. You don’t recognize the poster, but the quote is unmistakable: “You should be kissed, and often, by someone who knows how.”
“I’m glad we got to spend all this time together, and I know I keep thanking you, but I really am so happy…” Nana pulls you back in, and with your own sweet defiance, you trace kisses across her cheek and onto her neck. The whimpers that escape her are adorable, but at the same time they also confirm thoughts you’ve only ever tried to suppress: she likes you too.
You go lower and lower, tracing kisses from her neck to nibbling her collarbone, and you settle right before you reach her chest. Her breath hitches when she figures out what you want to do, but ultimately her fingers rake comfortingly through your hair.
“So tonight… let me show you… let me thank you… properly.” Her eyes may look pure when she says those words, but with how you are inches away from her lips, with how you have been kissing her now, it's anything but.
She slowly pulls off her jacket, her eyes never leaving you. The fabric slides off of her arms, revealing the smooth skin of her slender arms. The next to go is her tank top; her fingers grip the hem lightly, tugging slowly upwards, showing you her toned tummy and milky skin. The hem rises higher and higher, until she stops right under her chest.
“Are you sure?” Your question is breathless, not in the slightest bit annoyed, but your tone full of concern reaches her. “You don’t have to do this for me.”
“I know,” she says, the sound of her voice betraying a dry throat, “I love you.” She pulls the rest of her top off, and her boobs bounce freely in front of you. Nana takes your hands and places them on each, and asks you playfully, “Come on, you think I never caught you staring?”
She pulls you back in for a kiss, a proper one this time, the kind that quenches your thirst for her. She tries her best to wrap her tongue around yours, all the while you take your fill of her soft tits. Pinch and tweak her nipples, feel them stiffen as her tiny whimpers grow into careless moans. You never let up, delivering constant pleasure to her chest, and your surprise when you feel her palming your growing bulge is quickly replaced with anticipation.
Her hand slips under your waistband and her moan fills your mouth when she feels how hot and hard your cock is for her. She wraps her fingers around your shaft and gives long, slow strokes, nothing that would make you cum on the spot, but just about enough to make you leak precum onto her palm. She relishes the feeling of your arousal on her skin, and as she picks up her pace, seemingly trying to entice you to do more, you’re left with no choice but to give her exactly what she wants.
You work on unzipping your jeans and taking them off, and with Nana’s help, it feels like the second easiest job in the world. They fall to your ankles and you kick them away, and all of a sudden your cock rests on the skin of her luscious thigh. The heat and the precum that leaks onto her flesh surprises her, but her senses come back to her and she asks for a time out.
“Gimme a sec, I have to breathe,” she gasps unsteadily. You get off her, wondering what you might have done wrong. Her breathing is ragged and she seems to not be able to focus on much else, but a reassuring look in her eyes lets you know she’s alright.
“I just– I needed to see it.” Her gaze falls on your cock, and once she reaches and wraps her fingers around your shaft again, it throbs in her hand. A groan of pleasure escapes you, and she figures out that she’s doing something right. Her pumps start slow, gradually building up speed, all the while she brings her face closer and closer, and you don’t even notice it, but finally her lips meet the tip of your dick. Nana rubs your precum all over her lips like lipstick, and she takes your head in her mouth.
Small groans come from your mouth feeling her soft lips, you enjoy much more than you thought, especially knowing how inexperienced you thought she was. Your hands meanwhile grab a part of hair, pulling it lightly, causing Nana to moan into your cock.
“Don't get mad if I do this wrong–” she says, her eyes fraught with worry. Despite this, she makes careful moves to give you the best possible experience. She seals her lips around your head, and she gives slow but deep sucks as she tries her hardest.
“You’re– nngh– doing great,” you moan, the pleasure overtaking you. The eye contact you two share is enchanting; she’s undoubtedly a very pretty girl, and despite the amateur blowjob, she more than makes up for it with her enthusiasm. Her head bobs slightly, trying to take more of your length in, but her worry of choking keeps her from giving any more.
On the other hand, she has no idea of the effect she has on you, and the sight of the gorgeous woman’s plump lips on your cock coupled with her eager attempts at making you feel good nearly sends you over the edge early. In an effort to stave off your orgasm for even just a little while longer, you regrettably pull her off of you.
“What– what’s wrong? Wasn’t it good?” Again her words are coated with worry of disappointing you, but the way you look tenderly to her reassures her.
“You are perfect, Nana,” you whisper into her ear. You lay her back onto the bed gently, and you let show your eagerness to please her too. You venture down until you’re level with her crotch, and you work slowly to peel off her thin shorts. As they leave her legs, you’re presented with a pastel blue pair of panties, though you can’t help but notice the growing wet spot right in the center and the scent of her arousal seeping through. It must be uncomfy, you think, and you strip it off of her as well.
The garment leaves her and you look to Nana for approval: her finger between her teeth and her face red as a tomato, she looks at you with a loving gaze. Only then do you realize that Nana is now fully naked, everything bare for you and you alone, and the way her thighs rub together needily sends the message you’ve been dying to get.
Part her legs, meeting little resistance as you do. Travel up from her knees to her thighs, planting kisses and light nibbles on the soft flesh of her legs. Hearing how she whimpers beneath your lips: “That feels really good… I want more…”
Your lips finally meet her pussy, and the initial contact draws out a sultry moan from her. Each swipe of your tongue on her cunt causes more and more of her love juices to leak out, sending waves of ecstasy up her spine. She tries locking your head in place as she runs her fingers through your hair, all the while she grinds her crotch on your face as she chases her pleasure.
“Yes, yes, yes! Fuck, you feel so good! I love you~!” Nana humps your face more and more roughly, and you take it as a sign that she’s close. Good thing as well, as you’re running out of air, but on the other hand you feel as though this wouldn't be the worst way to go. You run your tongue over her soaked pussy, taking slow, deep licks.
She’s inching closer to her orgasm, her hips are bucking onto your mouth, your tongue meets her clit, she squeezes your head between her thighs, your lips seal around her swollen nub, she grabs your hair and pulls hard, and with a scream ripping through her throat, Nana squirts her love juices straight into your waiting mouth as you drink her essence up. Her scream turns into a drawn-out moan as she continues to grind on your face, making sure to pleasure herself enough to give you everything you’ve been working so hard for, and you lap every single drop of it up like it was the sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted.
She releases her grip on your hair and head, and as she relaxes onto the bed her arms fall to the sides and her legs spread open. She lazily brings a hand to her pussy and rubs it, showing you just how good you made her feel, and she smiles up at you.
“That was fucking amazing.” It couldn’t have sounded any sweeter, and the fact that it came from Nana, lying on her bed wearing nothing but a smile that you gave her, fills you with a sort of pride that you doubt you’d ever get again anywhere else in your life. But as she starts to get up, and she places her lips on yours, you feel another weight lifted off your chest. It’s another shade of her, one that shows you how she is when she’s content. It’s her way of telling you that among the hundreds of firsts she’s had in her life, she’s grateful that you were this one too. And as you kiss back, your hands finding their way to her hips, you connect with her again on a level that you never put into words before. “I love you too, Nana.”
Upon hearing, her kiss deepens and her tongue works harder to play with yours. She leans on you more, until finally you let yourself fall backwards, and Nana is right there, straddling you, with an innocent yet horny look in her eyes again.
“Your turn. Relax, okay?” She caresses your cheek, and suddenly you’re made conscious of how bad you’re probably blushing right now. Despite this, her smile never leaves her face as she continues to reassure you. She giggles at whatever expression it is that you’re showing her, and she gets to work.
Nana reaches to her bedside table and opens a drawer, and from it she produces a peculiar box. “Remember when I ‘stole’ that candy bar?” She tears off the sticker on the edge of the box to open it, pulls out a little plastic square pouch, and tears it open with her teeth. “I… bought… the candy bar. This was what I stole.” She tugs on the contents of the pouch, and reveals a condom.
“What the–” you start, but you soon stop in favor of moans caused by Nana’s handjob. “Don’t ever belittle me like that again, okay?” Her smile is again just as sweet and innocent as the first time you saw it, but now is completely different. It never leaves her face as she pulls the rubber over your cock, but not before giving it a few more cursory licks.
“Ready?” she asks, and you nod furiously. Finally, she aims the tip of your cock at her entrance and slowly sinks down onto you. “Oh, fuck, it’s so big,” she gasps. She takes her time taking in your length, feeling every vein against her pussy walls as you enter her tight pussy. She sucks air in through her teeth, her eyes shut tight, her fingernails leaving imprints on your chest as more and more of you slides into her unbelievably tight cunt. As she does, you feel her wet velvet walls rub your cock inside her, her slick spreading all over you and coating you with a warm you can’t describe. After what seemed like an eternity of bliss, she finally hilts, having taken everything inside her, and she sits on your crotch without moving, still trying to get used to the feeling of her pussy being so full.
“You good?” you ask, genuinely concerned if she’s okay or not. Place a hand on her waist, pat to comfort her. Her eyes open slowly, almost releasing a tear, and panic rises in your chest.
“Shit, shit, I’m sorry, do you need to get off? I–” you start, but she shuts you up with another kiss. It’s slow and gentle as it starts, just simple pecks, as she reassures you once again that she’s alright. Once she pulls away, she flashes you another smile, and you swear she gets more and more beautiful with each and every one.
“I’m okay. Are you okay?” She traces circles on your cheek and neck, and all you could do is nod. She comes back in for another kiss, and this time it’s much deeper. She opens her mouth to moan, and you jump at the opportunity to swipe at her tongue too. She loves it, and once she’s comfy enough, she starts to hump against you as well.
“It’s really really good. Do you feel good?” Her question snaps you out of your daze, but you only nod as you fight off cumming too early. Not long after that, you note she’s had her fill as she pulls away from you. Her posture straightens and she sits on you properly again, this time determined to return the favor and blow your mind. She takes in a deep breath, braces herself, and lifts herself up carefully. Your breath hitches, watching her naked figure on top of you, and you admire the way her sweat collects in drops before they slide down between her breasts. She notices you staring again, and she brings your hands up to her chest, moaning at the first moment of contact. Your instincts overtake you; you push yourself off the bed to her boobs and start to suck. Your lips seal around her nipples and she runs her fingers through your hair as she tries to push you deeper into her delicious breast.
“Shit, don’t stop,” Nana pleads, and you continue kneading the flesh of her boobs more, sucking when and where you can. At that moment, she forces herself back down onto your dick, taking in everything again all at once. Her walls part suddenly, and once she settles her warm pussy walls squeeze your cock as tight as she can. She begins bouncing, her moans never stopping, and you find a rhythm: each time Nana brings herself down, you thrust up to meet her halfway. The first time you do, you reach a depth to her that neither of you thought was possible, and the heat from her sex with her slick drive the pair of you insane with pleasure.
She keeps bouncing on your cock as her lewd moans gradually grow louder and louder with each of your thrusts into her needy core. Her eyes roll to the back of her head, her pussy tightens again, and just as you deliver a perfectly-timed bite to her nipple, another scream rakes out of her throat as her second orgasm overtakes her. Her pussy convulses as her hips buck again and again on your cock, her thighs and tits jiggle seductively, and her tightness reaches new heights as if she wants to keep your cock inside her forever. Despite this, you never stop thrusting her, never stop making love to her, and you cover her chest in kisses while you lick up all her sweat.
You never give her a chance to catch her breath, and soon enough, an unknowable number of seconds or minutes past, you feel your own orgasm coming. You take one last look at her godly figure and divine visuals, and you finally succumb.
Hold her close, hold her tight. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want you getting away, so you only return the desire. Keep thrusting into her, forget about how she’s losing her mind. She’s gone, lost in her own pleasure, and there’s no point in bringing her back yourself. Instead, follow her. Send yourself over the edge and join her in her ecstasy.
You momentarily lose your flow of consciousness as flashes of white fill your eyes, but you’re snapped back to reality with Nana pulling at your hair. Only then do you realize; you’re actually cumming inside her. With each spurt, you thrust into her as your cock twitches against her slick walls. The cumulative heat from your cum sends just the right signals to Nana’s body, and it sends back the equivalent of screams of desperation at the illusion of breeding. Your pumps are harsh and careless – thank the stars you’re wearing a condom – but Nana is too far lost to care past the unholy pleasure you deliver to her.
“Fuck, fuck! Aaaahhh!!!!” You feel her tighter, as if clamping down on your cock, her cunt pulsating and the connection between the two of you growing wetter, slicker. Despite this, you never let up, hell-bent on giving her everything you have. One spurt turns into two, then four, then six. It didn’t matter, none of it did. It could have been the end of the world and you wouldn’t have minded. All that was important was the girl sitting on your lap, losing her mind.
As both of your orgasms die down, the pair of you fall to the mattress. You stare at each other, wide-eyed and out of breath, and all you can do is smile and giggle at each other. As each of you catch your breath, the world quiets down, and all that’s left in existence is just you and Nana.
“Wow,” she sighs, “nice.” Her smile grows wide again, and her hand once more finds your cheek to caress.
“Yeah, nice.” You laugh back at her, the adrenaline fading quickly. “Does that check the thing off your list?”
“Oh, yeah!” Nana jolts up and off the bed, or at least attempts to. Instead, she falls back next to you, and only then do you realize the fatigue rendering your bodies useless.
“So… we good?” There’s nowhere else to look but right to her. Nana’s beautiful, round, just a bit teary eyes gaze back at you with adoration and love, something you never thought you’d have for yourself in this magnitude. And yet, here you are, and here she is, as if nothing else mattered.
“Shit. That was crazy. Anyway, yeah. Thanks.” With her last ounce of strength, she comes in for one more kiss. She collapses in your arms, cuddled right up to your chest, and you can imagine she could hear how loud your heart was thumping, just like hers.
Catch her snoring an adorable snore, wrap her in an embrace that would protect her from the worst the world could throw at her. A small thought in your head says you want to keep her safe forever like this, but you know better: she’s a strong woman who can take care of herself. Think back to how lucky you are, and how you walked this journey with her. Recall how she was just a fearful nobody when you first met, remember how you watched her grow into the amazing person she is now.
Your eyelids grow heavy, and you realize your waking seconds left are numbered. Right before you drift off to sleep yourself, you hear her, in the tiniest voice ever, mumbling her confession: “Stay with me.”
“Go to sleep, Nana.” You smile and turn your head toward hers, arms wrapped around her waist.
“Not without a promise.” Her own eyes are half-lidded, and you can tell she’s fighting back her drowsiness as hard as she can. She tries blinking the sleep away, but it only works marginally.
You could say anything to her at all right now, anything in the world, but there’s really only two things that need to be put into words. Your mind rushes at a snail’s pace, and you reach for faraway ideas when the right one is just in front of you. In your mind only one question appears: “So is this like…a one time thing?”
In response Nana just leans in and kisses your cheek, then giggles. “Would me saying ‘I love you’ outside of sex prove it?” she asks playfully, her tone betraying her desire for rest.
“Touché.” One hand goes to her soft blonde hair, brushing it to the side. “But in my defence, suddenly kissing me and then getting me naked was not the first thing I expected when you said there was ‘one last thing’ in your bucket list,” you state matter-of-factly.
You share a bout of tired laughter for a moment, and then you both look at each other with pure eyes, as if you two compete to see who can make the other blush first. Decidedly, Nana loses while she confesses. “I used to think that college was supposed to be all rose-colored, that it was to be the peak of my life. But spending it with you, I learned that it doesn’t have to be all grand milestones to live through.” The air in the room swirls differently, replacing stale breaths with new ones from the open window.
“That time you cheered me on during the open mic, how you looked at me… It made me realise that after everything’s said and done, I wanted peace. And I can feel peace with you, without all the guilt of past mistakes, nor ghosts of regret that would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life,” she says, now leaning toward your ear muttering, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” you whisper back, smiling from ear to ear. Eventually you both released the hug. Look around her room for your clothes, which was surprisingly hard for how your sex wasn't too feral, and in turns take showers to clean yourselves up.
As you get out of the shower, fully cleaned and with some good-enough-for-sleep clothes, you find Nana on her bed fully knocked out. You simply laugh and join her, and her instinct leads her to wrap her arms around your waist while her head leans into your chest.
“Goodnight, Nana,” you whisper with finality, as if ending the night on a perfect note. Peck her forehead and close your own eyes, and fall into slumber just as deep as hers.
Bucket List Completed
“Argh, I’m so excited!” She grips you by your collar and shakes you as she screams, jolting away any sleep you wished to get.
Two months have come and gone, and while you know it hasn’t been long, things have changed so much. Despite you trying to get just a bit more sleep in the backseat of the taxi, Nana right next to you can’t stop bouncing in hers as the sights outside the window pass her by.
“Okay, okay. Just get all this energy out before we get on the plane, please?”
She returns her attention to the window just as the taxi slows to a halt. Your new girlfriend practically throws open the door and leaps out, heading straight for the trunk to retrieve your luggage.
“Hurry up! We might miss our flight!” She struggles lifting her comically large suitcase before you hear it hits the concrete pavement followed by its handle extending with its clack-clack-clack.
“Hawaii isn’t going anywhere, Nana, please,” you mutter as you lazily exit the cab. You hand the driver your fare, and he reaches out to accept. As he does, he gives you a knowing smirk and tips his hat to you, as if saying “good luck.”
Turning around, you find Nana with all of your luggage too, eagerly awaiting your arm for her to cling to before you make your way inside. The hustle and bustle of Incheon International Airport fills her with a deep sense of excitement, and honestly, who could blame her? Your girlfriend is in the midst of all these other people — travelers, tourists, adventurers — and she fits right in. It’s the most natural thing for her now, to find herself in new situations that broaden her horizons and make her feel alive.
She yanks you to her side in line for the desk, holding her brand-new polaroid camera at a high angle. “Cheese!” she screams, not far enough from your ear, but with how happy she is, you can’t help but smile her smile too. “Our first overseas trip! This is the first time I’m leaving Seoul, let alone Korea!”
“Okay, Nana, calm down,” you chuckle, but you know she won’t. Divert her attention instead, put her energy to good use. “Do you have your passport? Carry on? Pink notebook?”
Though you both are sure she hasn’t missed anything, Nana rummages through her bag again anyway. “Check, check, and check! How could I forget?” She takes each item to show to you, and she flips through the pink notebook once it’s in her hand.
One thing about Nana, she never lets the moment escape her anymore. Once she sets out to do something, she’ll do everything in her power to accomplish that goal. This is no different, and you love her so much for it.
After looking through the notebook, she claps it shut. She flashes you the drawing of a gray bucket on its front cover before it disappears back into her carry on, and you both are reminded that a part of who you are as a couple is just that: a notebook that predicts the future by rooting itself in the present. Sadly, a weeklong trip won’t be enough for everything on her list this time, but who’s to say you’re not coming back eventually?
And at the end of the trip, you have it ready, the best gift you could give her: a little green notebook, every left-side page filled with things you want to do, and the corresponding right side page blank, all for her. And on the very last leaf, where the cardboard of the back cover accompanies it, is a drawing of a ring, with the words: “I’ll be taking my time, spending my life, falling deeper in love with you.”
“Come on, hurry!” She yanks again, snapping you out of your wistful thoughts. “We’re gonna miss the plane!” Nana pulls you to the gate just as the intercom announces your flight has begun boarding. “Alright, alright! Easy,” you chuckle again, and you can’t believe this is the same girl behind the gym crying her eyes out alone just last year. Funny how people change like that, but at the same time, it’s impossible to think that Nana would ever stay the same.
================================================
Thank you all for watching, it has been a long time working on it and we are really happy it is finally out, hope yall had a good read with this one,
i will see you all next time leafies~
263 notes
·
View notes
Text
Florida.
Pairings: Emily Prentiss x reader.
Summary: Emily Prentiss was known to be a sweet, kind, funny and playful person, while also being dedicated, determined and serious, etc. But when y/n joined, everyone noticed the bundle of nerves she was around her, and the teasing was very present too.
A/n: This is for @storiesofsvu 's birthday bingo with the prompt 'Heatwave'. This is my first time participating and I hope this was good hehe, excited to do this and to show you this cute one shot🫢 I dunno why I decided that in Emily's fics, reader will have the last name of 'Carter', I just love it. But anywayyyy, I wanted to do this for my birthday, post today cause I just felt like it and so here it is. I hope you guys enjoy this, if you got any requests for Emily, send them my way. Leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻
*not my gif*
When Hotch announced that there would be a new agent joining the team, it was no surprise that they were curious of who it could be. Maybe an old agent that worked with Hotch before, or maybe someone who knew Rossi, maybe a new ‘baby’ agent as they liked to call them, maybe someone who had been recommended. For the rest of the day, they all had been talking about it and trying to figure out who it could be; Penelope got her skills working, trying to see if there was anything about this new agent on the system already, but so far, nothing. So, on Monday, when a beautiful, young girl walked to Hotch’s office, all eyes were on her. To say the least, they were all surprised that the chosen one had been a ‘baby’ agent; soon enough, Penelope had her file shown to everyone before Hotch could walk in and introduce her.
It was no surprise that everyone found the new girl beautiful, interesting by the way she looked so serious and quiet, but there was something that changed in Emily that day. Since the moment she laid her eyes on the new recruit, she had gone completely silent, her eyes locked in the girl. Everyone around her kept talking about her, making assumptions, or just commenting on how beautiful she was, but Emily? She didn’t say a thing. She just kept her eyes on her, which…was creepy, if Emily thought about it. She didn’t mean to do that, she didn’t mean to keep staring, but it was impossible not to. Soon enough, y/n got along with the whole team, she has started to join them for drinks, she went out to lunch with them, Penelope had even dragged her to their girl's night and had announced that y/n was now the new member. Y/n couldn’t have been happier with the fact that they all were making her feel like she really belonged with them.
It wasn’t too long after Emily started noticing her behavior around y/n, the way she acted, the way her voice changed, the way she smiled even more than usual, there were so many little things that she started to notice and that she hoped that no one else would. And that’s when it clicked; she had a crush. She has not had a crush in years. Years. She had focused on her job, she had said that she didn’t have time to date or even go around meeting people, and the thought of one-night stands…they were a big no. But y/n had completely changed that, she liked her, she liked being around her, she loved to see her smiling, she loved to hear her laugh, she loved to see how well she got along with everyone, she loved the way she dressed, the way she talked, the way she walked…yeah. It was definitely a crush.
Emily sat on her desk and was focused on the file she had right in front of her, but the moment she heard y/n’s laugh, she couldn’t help but look her way and smile at how cute she looked. She didn’t know what stupid thing Spencer and Morgan were saying, but the fact that she was laughing and smiling, made Emily feel warm inside. She didn’t notice that JJ and Penelope were right behind her, quietly laughing as they stared at Emily for a while. JJ leaned down to whisper in Emily’s ear, trying to hold back her laugh.
“Like what you see, Prentiss?” JJ whispered softly, making Emily almost jump from her seat.
“Jesus, JJ!” Emily looked back at Penelope and JJ laughing hysterically at her reaction, making Emily groan. “Why would you scare me like that?”
“Oh, you were just very distracted and well…we didn’t want to interrupt.” JJ teased as Penelope kept laughing beside her.
Emily shook her head and then shrugged. “You were not interrupting anything.”
“Oh, so you were not just staring at Carter over there? Cause I wear glasses, m’lady, and I am pretty sure you were just smiling and admiring her from afar.” Penelope teased as she leaned over Emily’s desk, mocking the position Emily had been in while staring at y/n.
Emily rolled her eyes as she scoffed. “Yeah, whatever.”
“C’mon, Em! We know you have it bad for our girl over there. We don’t blame you.” JJ grinned softly as she crossed her arms.
Emily turned her chair and tried to go back to her file. “Don’t know what y’all are talking about.”
Penelope looked at JJ with a smirk on her face. “Denial is the first step.”
JJ chuckled softly as she nodded. “Oh, yes. Let’s see how long she stays in there.”
Emily could feel her cheeks getting warm as she heard her friends, unable to deny it because they were entirely right, and they knew it. This couldn’t be good, because now that they had figured it out, there was no way in hell that they would stop teasing Emily, so now she had to prepare mentally for the torture into which she had just walked.
“Earth to Emily!”
Emily snapped out of her trance and looked up to find y/n leaning over her desk. “Oh, hi! I’m sorry. Did you say something?”
Y/n chuckled softly as she nodded. “I was saying thank you for the coffee this morning, and for the muffin. It so happened to be my favorite actually.” She grinned softly as she stared at Emily.
Emily smiled widely as she nodded. “It so happens to be my favorite too, so I’m glad I got the right one.”
“You have good taste, Prentiss.” Y/n grinned as she stood up. “Next coffee is on me.” She squeezed Emily’s shoulder before she walked away.
Penelope scoffed as she looked at Emily. “You’ve never brought me muffins!”
“That’s because she has a crush, of course she’d buy her a muffin too.” JJ smirked as she walked away.
Emily chuckled softly as she nodded. “Can’t deny it.”
“Knew it!” Penelope whispered/yelled, making Emily blush more. “You’re so soft around her. It’s cute.”
“I am not soft.” Emily raised her brow as she looked at Penelope.
“Oh, you definitely are, Em. Soft Emily! Adorable.” Penelope pinched Emily’s cheek and then walked away.
********************
If there was once place that most of them hated to go to, was Florida. There were many reasons why they didn’t actually like to be there, of course their main focus was to help people and solve the case, but the fact that there was an actual heatwave and there were some psycho out there murdering people in the middle of it, was annoying and frustrating. The moment they landed, they all literally almost stripped out of their clothes as soon as they walked out of the jet. The sun was their biggest enemy at the moment, if they were pissed about the case, now with the heatwave, they were done. Luckily, the precinct they had to go to had air conditioning, and it was nice to stay there, but the fact that Hotch had to send them to different locations got the whole team in a mood. Reid and Rossi were sent to the morgue, while Morgan, Emily and y/n were sent to the last crime scene.
“I swear, I’m about to strip down and give two shits about who sees me.” Morgan says as she got out of the car, slamming the door.
“Yeah, I don’t think it’d be a good picture to keep in my mind, so thank you but no.” Emily shook her head as she followed Morgan, almost rolling her eyes.
“C’mon, Prentiss. You’re gonna tell me you don’t wanna see some of this?” Morgan smirked as he raised his shirt to show his abs.
Y/n rolled her eyes as she pulled his shirt down. “The heat is annoying as it is, please don’t add to the annoyance. We’ve got enough.” She said in a playful tone as she kept walking.
“Carter, baby, you’d love to see what’s underneath all this.” Morgan raised his brows as he wrapped his arm around y/n’s shoulders as they walked.
“In your wildest dreams, my man. But I don’t play for that team.” Y/n grinned as she pushed him away. “And please, do not get near me again, I like you, but right now I do not need sweat from someone else.” She raised her brows playfully and got her gloves out of her back pocket, walking to the crime scene.
“This girl is something else, isn’t she?” Morgan smirked as he stood beside Emily, turning to look at her for a moment.
Emily cleared her throat as she nodded. “Definitely.” She then looked at Morgan who was already staring at her with a smirk on his face. “What?”
Morgan raised his brows. “You like her, don’t you?”
“Oh, my…” Emily sighed loudly as she covered her face. She then looked back at Morgan and raised her hands. “Is it that obvious or what?”
“Nah. The thought just slipped my mind just now, but you just confirmed it.” Morgan winked as he followed y/n.
Emily groaned and shook her head as she followed them. Not only was it embarrassing that JJ and Penelope teased her about it every possible chance they had, but now Morgan wouldn’t drop it either and she was sure that her soon join the girls. But could he actually blame her? Y/n had talked on the jet how she had prepared herself for the weather and soon enough she’d get rid of her blazer, but Emily hadn’t expected anything more than y/n having a comfortable shirt or blouse underneath, but when she did take the blazer off, not only was a sleeveless shirt but the shirt hugged her figure perfectly, and that’s when Emily stared at her arms, fascinated by how strong she looked, and suddenly she felt like a perv, imagining things that she could only talk with herself.
It was no better once they headed back to the precinct. In their way back, Emily looked at the backseat to tell y/n something about the case and that’s when she noticed y/n had put her hair back in a ponytail which gave Emily a better look on her beautiful face. Emily turned back so fast to try to hide the redness on her face. Morgan of course noticed this but didn’t say a thing as he kept driving. Once in the precinct, Emily tried her best to focus on the case, directly staring at Hotch and at the board, but she couldn’t help but stare at y/n every now and then, and at times, she caught y/n looking back at her, which caught her off guard.
The next day was no different, having to go to different places to find evidence or witness made it hard to stay sane. The weather seemed to be getting worse or maybe it was just them that couldn’t deal with the heat. All day, Emily and y/n had been working apart, so Emily had a chance to focus more on the case and keep y/n away from her mind. Once Rossi and Emily were back in the precinct, Emily was going through some files when she felt a hand on her back, sending a shiver down her spine.
Y/n smiled softly as she sat beside Emily. “Hey you.”
“Oh, you’re back.” Emily smiled as she turned her chair to get a better look of y/n.
“Yep, and I come bearing gifts.” Y/n placed an iced coffee in front of her, along with a muffin. “Found our favorite in a local coffee shop.”
Emily smiled softly as she grabbed the muffin. “How did you know I was hungry?” She raised a playful brow as she looked at y/n, grabbing a piece and then offering the muffin to y/n.
“With this heat, everyone is either thirsty, hungry or both. I know I am.” Y/n chuckled as she grabbed a piece of the muffin. “How’s the reading?”
Emily took a sip of her coffee and sighed. “I feel like I’m crossing words now. The AC here is great but I’m going crazy with this heat.”
“Tell me about it. I’m used to the heat, but this is something else.” Y/n leaned back in her chair.
“Yeah, me too.” Emily nodded as she kept eating and drinking her coffee.
Y/n smiled softly as she stared at Emily. “I don’t think I’ve seen you this long with a ponytail. I like it.”
Emily turned back to look at y/n, a faint blush on her cheeks. “Well…it’s my Florida style for the next few days.”
“Hope I get to see it more back home and not only in the field.” Y/n grinned softly as she grabbed her own coffee.
“And what about you? Will I get to see you in a ponytail more often?” Emily grinned back, biting the straw of her coffee.
For the first time, Emily caught a blush on y/n’a cheeks, making her grin grow wider. Y/n cleared her throat as she looked away. “Well…I uh…my hair has been growing so maybe you will.”
“Good, hope so.” Emily grinned as she returned to read the file.
Y/n cleared her throat softly as she grabbed a file and started reading it, completely missing the way Emily looked back at her with a grin on her face. Y/n was not sure if she was sweating because of the heat, or she was sweating because of Emily’s comment and stare. She had been trying to act bold and flirty this whole time, but Emily had finally made her go back to feeling all giddy and shy. She had tried her best to be the one getting Emily to smile and her cheeks to go all red, she was still not sure if Emily just liked the compliments and the way y/n acted or it was for another reason…but in her case, Emily was driving her insane. More now with that beautiful red top that she was wearing today, the way she could see her cleavage…stop right there before you go somewhere you can’t go back from. Y/n shook her head and tried to focus back on the file. Emily would be the death of her.
********************
Y/n groaned softly as she walked into the precinct, throwing her head back as she JJ laughed. She looked back at her and raised her brow. “What you laughing at?”
“You seriously hate heat this much?” JJ laughed.
“Are you kidding me, JJ? I’m seriously considering taking Morgan’s idea and strip down. But thank God for AC.” Y/n smiled softly but then stopped in her tracks as she stood by the door of the conference room, her cheeks suddenly growing even more red.
JJ raised her brow at the reaction and then looked back into the conference, noticing that Emily was standing up and putting some things away. She returned her stare to y/n and grinned. “All good, Carter?”
Y/n swallowed as her eyes widened slightly. “I…uh…”
If the top yesterday had driven her crazy, todays had definitely taken her to heaven and back to earth. Emily was wearing a sleeveless, red shirt that hugged her figure just perfectly, and with the pants that she was wearing plus her hair in a ponytail? Yeah, she was definitely going to lose it right here and right now. She then noticed she had stared for longer than expected and JJ was still by her side.
Y/n looked at JJ and chuckled softly. “I uh…I forgot something at the car.”
“I thought you didn’t want to go back to that hell. And we’re about to leave.” JJ grinned playfully.
“Forgot my phone. Be right back!” Y/n said before she was walking as fast as she could.
Emily looked up to find JJ laughing, making her furrow her brows. “What’s up?”
JJ shook her head as she still laughed. “Nothing, nothing. Need help?”
Emily decided to leave it and they all finished gathering their stuff. They had already prepared everything to go back home, but the jet ended up having some issues which made them have to book another hotel, which ended up being a disaster because they had to share rooms since the hotel was almost completely booked. JJ was quick to ask for a room alone, while Morgan had picked Spencer and Rossi said he’d only share with Hotch, which ended up leaving Emily and y/n on their own. Y/n stared at JJ for a moment, a playful smile on JJ’s face and while y/n was confused, Emily couldn’t help but give JJ a deadly stare, knowing perfectly what she had just done.
Both women headed to their room, not saying a word. Y/n had tried her best not to stare at Emily, trying her best to keep her mind clear of thoughts and to stay as sane as possible, while Emily couldn’t keep her eyes away from y/n, wondering if she had said or done something that made y/n go completely quiet. They walked into the room and y/n went straight to the AC remote, trying to turn it on only to find that it was not working.
“No, you gotta be kidding me!” Y/n groaned as she threw the remote to the bed.
“Oh…no. Is it not working?” Emily sighed as she threw her bag to the floor. “This is great, and I’m sure they don’t have any more rooms available.”
“Guess we’ll have to die in here.” Y/n chuckled as she turned back to look at Emily who was getting rid of her pants, making y/n’s heart stop. “What…w-what are you doing?”
Emily looked up at y/n and shrugged. “I am not about to keep sweating on this pants. Do you mind?”
Y/n swallowed as her eyes darted down to Emily’s legs, noticing the red underwear that she was wearing. Shit. “Uh…n-no. I mean…you’re right. I’ll…I’ll try to call the reception.” She dropped her bag and went to sit on the bed, grabbing the phone from the nightstand.
Emily raised her brow as she walked to the bed where y/n was now sitting, placing her folded pants on the bed, and walking to stand right in front of y/n. “Y/n?” She placed her finger under y/n’s chin to make her look up, grinning softly. “Are you okay?”
Y/n swore her heart stopped right in that moment as Emily stood right in front of her; half naked. “I…you just…I…” she sighed. “I’m a mess.” She chuckled softly.
“The heatwave effect I guess.” Emily chuckled back.
“More like the Emily in red effect.” Y/n mumbled as she looked back at the phone, putting it back.
Emily furrowed her brows as she stared at y/n. “What did you say?”
Y/n knew it was now or never, so might as well be right in this moment. She looked up at Emily. “Did you know that red is definitely your color?”
Emily blushed as a small smile appeared on her face. “You…you think so?”
“Em, have you seen yourself in the mirror You’re…fuck…you’re gorgeous. I mean you’re gorgeous in everything but like…in red? Wow.” Y/n exhaled as she stood up, trying to get more courage to speak.
“You really think that way about me?” Emily grinned softly.
“Have I not been obvious? Because honestly…I feel like I’ve made a fool of myself whenever I’m around you.” Y/n chuckled softly as she tilted her head.
Emily laughed softly as she shook her head. “Are you serious? They’ve been mocking me and making fun of me saying that I get all flustered and soft around you, and only you. Have I not been obvious?”
Y/n smiled widely as she stared into beautiful brown eyes. “I…guess I had an idea, but I was not sure.”
Emily tilted her head as she smiled. “Well, your idea is very right. I…I like you.” She shrugged. “And these last few days…you’ve been driving me insane.”
“I have been driving you insane?” Y/n huffed a chuckle. “I couldn’t think whenever I stared at you.”
Emily laughed again. “So, I guess we drive each other insane.”
Y/n nodded as she laughed slightly. “Seems so.”
Emily bit her lip softly as she stepped closer to y/n, placing her hands on y/n’s neck, one of her hands playing with her ponytail. “And…should we do something about it?”
Y/n grinned as she placed her hands on Emily’s waist, pulling her against her own body. “How does a date sound? When we’re back. I’d like to take you out.”
Emily smiled, feeling the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. “I’d love that.”
Y/n smiled softly as she leaned in, but before their lips could meet, the power suddenly went out, leaving both women in the darkness, the only light came from the moon outside of the window.
“Fucking hell!” Rossi yelled, making both women laugh.
“Guess we’ll have to camp outside.” Y/n chuckled softly as she looked at Emily.
Emily shrugged. “We can meet them in a bit, we were about to do something.”
Both women smiled before they closed the gap between them, their lips pressing against each other’s in a soft, tender kiss. The heat, the sweat and the darkness completely forgotten as their lips moved in perfect sync.
#emily prentiss#emily prentiss x reader#emily prentiss x female reader#emily prentiss fanfiction#criminal minds fic#kbdaybingo2024
159 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fair Exchange Chapter 5
------"some silences can scream louder than words ever could"--------
Alastor x (F! wife doe reader)
The Doe-----------------------------------------------------
It was later in the morning when Charlie wanted us to do a show and tell day, we all reluctantly agreed but Alastor stayed behind to eat his breakfast. it was Angel's turn claiming he wanted to show us his "best film." I figured it was a movie or play but... it was a porn video...
I tried to keep my eyes away, swiping invisible dust from my dress attempting to stay distracted. Husk eventually jumps in arguing with Angel "Everybody likes to bitch to the bartender! I know everything about you and these motherfuckers" he points at Pentious "That one's an insecure buffoon who watches you all sleep at night" he then points to Charlie and vaggie and then me "that one's constantly taking bullets from everybody because she's a pushover and nifty, tch you don't even wanna know what her deal is." I'm not a pushover...
the argument is short-lived when Angel gets a call from his boss calling him in for work, talking about some emergency shoot and storming out.
Charlie wanted to go and help get Angel some time off of work by talking to his boss, I would have gone with her but I know Alastor wouldn't be too happy if I was out in the Vees district without him. seeing as how our last visit went I don't think it would be a good idea.
Charlie left and I went back upstairs to Alastors room to pick up his dishes, knocking on the door "Alastor? may I come in" There was a long pause before the door opened, Alastors shadow giving me a grin as he stepped aside to let me in. I don't really see Alastor's shadow that often considering he only uses it for scouting, investigating, or fetching things when I'm not available.
however, when I stumble upon his shadow, it stares at me with that same evil grin. from what I have gathered over the years, the shadow is just an extension of Alastor, mimicking his personality and actions. Sometimes, if you look closely, it can display his emotions with its cold black body and inky blue tongue. It's more curious than Alastor, peering around people's shoulders and poking through others business. I never seemed to mind it.
there's something different this time, it's acting off. usually, it just pokes around and then returns to Alastor but not this time. No, it's staring at me, watching me, almost like it's inspecting me... I try to ignore it, walking over to pick up Alastors dish "Thank you my dear" "of course, is there anything else you need?" "no, your free to enjoy the rest of your morning"
I turn to leave but then remember something "Oh I almost forgot, do you mind if I grab a book from your shelf, I finished my other two.." not looking up from his desk he says "As long as you don't touch the books on the top shelf" I look at the shelf of various books next to his fireplace, walking up to choose one. I like to read romance and fantasy, but Alastor as romantic as people say he is, doesn't collect those types of novels. he likes books that are mostly nonfiction.
I ended up choosing a book that wasn't too thick just enough to pass the time and left the room, heading to the kitchen to drop off the plate. on my way there I see something rush from the corner of my eyes but when I look around there's nothing there, that was until I turn back to keep walking. I ended up running right through Alastors shadow, A cold chill running up my spine from its solvent body.
I quickly regain composure, making sure to not drop the plate in my hands "Oh for all that is unholy, you scared me!" I said looking at the shadow "Do you uhh... need something?" it cocks its head and smiles like I said the funniest thing in the world "ok... I guess not." I continue on to the kitchen, washing the dishes before heading upstairs to my room to read, all while having it follow me the entire time.
I walk into my room, kicking off my heels with a tired huff and I plop down on my bed "Are you going to stay here all day?" I say to the shadow that is currently looming around my room, snooping through drawers and various items. I should tell Alastor that there is something wrong with his shadow, but... I'm curious to see what it wants.
I decided to leave it alone since it's not causing much trouble, it's just exploring. I lay back on my bed against the headboard and opened the book to the first page, I only got to page 10 before the shadow poked its head through the book to look at me "Alastor will be mad if you're over here, I suggest you behave" it hovered over me with a frown and it felt almost illegal to see, Alastor never frowns and to see his shadow do it feels wrong "wait... I'm sorry I won't tell him you're here, promise" it doesn't smile but it's not frowning either, it just leans closer to me until I'm nose to nose with it.
it brought a hand to my face and to my surprise I could feel it, not just that cold feeling when it runs through you but its hand was well...there. not knowing what to do I just sat there watching as it caressed my cheek earning a blush from me. what is wrong with me, blushing at Alastors shadow, it's not even a real person, but it feels like it is "What is it you want...?" I say practically whispering.
the door opens startling me and making the shadow turn its head. Alastor stands at the door with a strained smile "Enough!" he says, his voice laced with static. the shadow frowns and retreats behind Alastor "Apologies my dear, it has a mind of its own..." he said through gritted teeth, shooting the shadow a glare "I-it's ok it didn't do anything bad-" "This will never happen again, I will make sure of it." he says in a harsh tone. I opened my mouth to say something but quickly shut it, not wanting to aggravate the situation more.
"Alright..." I say and he turns on his heel to walk back to his room, the shadow looks back at me one more time before it follows Alastor down the hallway. I feel almost sorry for it, even though it's not technically its own person it's still capable of feelings... Alastors feelings. but it makes me wonder, if that shadow is a part of Alastor, emotions, thoughts and all, what was it doing? Why was it following me? and why was Alastor so angry...
there was a loud thud downstairs and I slid off my bed, put my shoes on, and walked downstairs. Charlie had returned but she looked pretty upset "Charlie, how did it go with Angel?" "I messed up, I- I made him angry at me and-" vaggie walks up to her rubbing her back "Hay it's okay, maybe he didn't mean it!" Charlie bursts out in tears and vaggie whisks her away to comfort her.
Husk scoffs from the bar and I scowl at him "Don't be like that!" he growls and takes a swig from his bottle "She's too soft for her own good" I sigh and walk over to take a seat on a stool "a lot like you, showing kindness to other who don't deserve it" "is it so bad that I don't want to be like any other person in this horrible place!" he raises a brow at my sudden outburst "what's on your mind..?" "there's nothi-" "yes there is, your frustrated."
I stare at the counter thinking about my next few words before I speak "Do you think Alastor hates me?" I feel stupid for asking such a thing, but Husk doesn't question it "I doubt that creep likes anyone but himself" I frown and he seems to notice because of what he says next "But I wouldn't be surprised if he did like you" I throw him a puzzled look "why do you think that?" "tch, haven't you ever questioned why Alastor made you his wife" he was right, Alastor was an overlord, if he needed somebody to prepare his meals and clean his house he could just...buy a maid.
"no, I- I haven't..." When Alastor and I first discussed our contract, he said that he and my ex-husband would trade places, me being married to Alastor in exchange for complete devotion to him...and my soul. in the 1950s it was looked down on to divorce your husband or divorce at all, and now that I looked back at it I didn't care about my reputation enough not to get a divorce. but I was desperate for an escape, and desperation makes you do stupid things.
"if he didn't tolerate you, he wouldn't have married you, it's one of the weirdest contracts I ever saw but I wouldn't pry into it too much, just know you're the last person on his shit list" I nod but that doesn't explain why he was so angry, was he even angry at me? suddenly the door to the hotel opens and Angel walks over looking spent.
he plops down on the stool down from me and asks for the strongest drink Husk can make "Excuse me, didn't think this was a drink to forget kinda night" Angel and Husk end up fighting about Angels "acting" resulting in Angel throwing a bottle. I stand away and steer clear of the glass shards before watching Angel storm off "Angel wait..." he pushes past vaggie and out the door. vaggie tells Husk to go after him and Charlie leaves to go make "100 apology letters."
eventually, Husk returns with Angel, laughing and talking while being dirtied and damaged. Charlie rushes over to Angel and apologizes over 50 times before he reassures her "He he he he he said HE FORGAVE ME!!!" Charlie says in tears while vaggie carries her back to their room. I quickly run up to Angel checking up on him "Angel!! are you ok you- you're covered in blood."
"ahh don't worry tuts, I'm alright" I breathe a sigh of relief, thankful that Angel isn't hurt "Come on, let's go get a drink" "Oh angel I don't-" "I won't make you anything strong, Alastor would kill me if I did" I hesitate but agree "Ok, but just for a little while..."
so sorry this came out late but here it is!! chapter 5!!! I got writer's block halfway through but still managed to make it work. I will be gone for the weekend to Knots Berry Farm for a family trip so expect chapter 6 to be a little late. and with that have a wonderful day/night love you all!!!
-squerlly
@kimmis-stuff @pooplyface1423 @strippezzz
#hazbin#alastor#alastor x reader#hazbin alastor x reader#hazbin hotel x you#alastor x reader smut#hazbin hotel smut#hazbin hotel x reader#alastor x y/n#hazbin hotel
100 notes
·
View notes
Text
angel - suguru geto
[ suguru geto - f!reader ]
✧ summary: left heartbroken after your boyfriend leaves his entire life behind, destroying everything in his path, you try to go back to a normal life. until youre silent wishes has come true, and you see him again
✧ cw: canon events from hidden inventory, HEAVY angst, mentions of murder, established relationship, no use of y/n, featuring platonic!satoru
✧ word count: 4.2k
⋆⭒˚｡⋆
Slumping down the brick stairs, you kept your gaze on the hunched over figure, sitting on one of the bottom steps, facing the sun setting in front of the two of you.
“Didn’t take you long to find me,” Satoru sighed as he straightened his position. Taking a seat two steps above him, you wrapped your arms around your legs in hopes you’d physically be able to keep yourself from falling apart.
“I’ve been searching for you all day so,” you trailed off.
Both of you stared absentmindedly at the sunset, and you couldn’t remember ever being graced by such a beautiful view. Too bad it felt like such a waste, unable to enjoy the genuine beauty of it because what was the point? Your entire world had been turned upside down, to the point where you didn’t really recognise it.
“I assume you talked to him,” you would be surprised if Satoru even managed to make out what you said, barely audible words slipping past your lips. He didn’t answer you, but the deep sigh that left him gave you confirmation he heard you. “Yaga told me—“ a gut wrenching sob killed the sentence in your throat, the reality finally starting to set in. Pressing the palms of your hands to your eyes, you were hopelessly trying to stop the waterfall of tears that were streaming down your cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” Satoru spoke in an uncharacteristically low voice. Every inch of you wanted to find the strength to stop the violent sobs so you could answer him, desperate to talk to someone who might actually be able to understand how you felt. But there was no fight left in you. For the past weeks, as things had escalated, you’d denied yourself the privilege of crying. You had tried to fool yourself into believing that the longer you held back your sorrow and cries, the longer you could live under the impression that all of this wasn’t real.
Sadly, the time of living in naive hope was over. Even though you so desperately tried to cling onto this delusion, it was slowly but surely slipping away from you. Now you were facing the heartbreaking truth; the love of your life was lost. The unspeakable things he had done causing him to deviate from his life, from his friends, from his future. From you.
To top it all off, what had happened was on the lips of every living person in the Jujutsu world. The promising and strong Suguru Geto had killed one hundred and twenty people.
“He looked so…” Satoru said. “Like himself.” The sadness was written all over him, just like it was with you. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill him.”
A few more deep sobs escaped you before you managed to find a rhythm where you could be able to hold a conversation. “I didn’t expect you would.”
Finally he turned to look at you, and you met his glossy stare. He’d been crying, as proven proven by the red and puffy line under his eyes, but now his voice was remained as calm as earlier. “I’m so, so sorry,” he repeated.
“This isn’t your fault, Satoru. How could you have known?” You sniffled. “We tried the best we could.”
“Did we?” You could sense a hint of desperation in his steady voice, evident that he solemnly felt like he was the one to blame. “Didn’t he show us signs?”
Thinking back, there were definitely signs. After everything went down with Riko, Suguru had rapidly been losing weight, the bags under his eyes had gotten more prominent and his hair looked lifeless compared to before. Not to mention his smile. His sweet and precious smile, had disappeared more and more over time.
“He shut us out. You tried to ask him — we both did. He didn’t want our help.” You didn’t even believe your own words, blaming yourself just as much as Satoru did himself. There were so many things you could have done differently, like forcing him to talk to you.
“Guess you’re right,” he answered breathlessly before returning to gaze at the sun again, the golden light illuminating his face. He didn’t believe you either.
“Do you know when I last talked to him? The last time I heard his voice?” Satoru simply shook his head, attention locked in front of him. “Eight days ago. And another nine days before that since I actually saw him.”
Your face scrunched into a grimace thinking of the memory, the tears yet again starting to fall. Instinctively covering your face with both your hands, you pictured his face in your head. You had memorised every single detail of his appearance, forever burned into your mind. And the soothing vibrations of his voice that you missed so dearly.
With a sharp sniffle, you shook your head to regain some stability in yourself before opening your mouth again. “Did he mention me?” You’d dreaded asking the question, but you needed to know. Satoru licked his lips before taking a deep breath to answer you.
“Yeah, he did.” Your eyes widened, not expecting that answer. “He wanted me to tell you-“ Satoru cut himself off, hesitating to finish.
“Satoru,” agony lacing your voice, needing him to complete his sentence.
“He wanted me to tell you he was sorry, and maybe you could find it in your heart to forgive him.”
Silence embraced the two of you as you tried to digest what he’d told you. Time stopped as you had your eyes fixated on your friend, unable to comprehend his words.
“That’s it?” You whispered. His head moved in a careful nod, causing the tears to start falling again, but they’d turned quiet.
“He loved — loves you,” he corrected himself, which earned him an instant scoff from you. One that undoubtedly stemmed from pure hurt.
“Clearly not enough.” Even though you said it mostly to yourself, you felt Satoru’s gaze burn on you, letting you know he heard you. “Both you and Shoko met him and talked to him, while I-“ you had to focus for a second to not let the sobs hinder your words. “Why not me?”
“I think you know,” he sighed as he moved himself to sit on the same same step as you, closing the gab between you as he placed a sympathetic arm around your shoulders to hug you closer.
Satoru was right, you just didn’t admit that to yourself. It was easier to accept a lie that the reasons for avoiding you was because he didn’t love you, and not the other way around.
With another quiet sob, you leaned your head on his shoulder and trying to take some comfort in his hand tenderly stroking up and down your arm. And it worked. For the first time since everything had happened, a tiny feeling of calmness set roots within you. It had been an all too foreign feeling lately, so you were thankful you were able to find it with Satoru.
⋆⭒˚｡⋆
You had tried, to the best of your ability, to accustom to a life without Suguru. It had been anything but easy, living in a constant state of ignorance.
Every single person he had cared for, had gotten some sort of closure in a final conversation with him. While you knew absolutely nothing but the rumours that traveled like a plague through the community, and you never knew if anything that was being spread was even true.
While everyone had something to lean on in order to start moving on, you were stuck on the last time you saw him, where he had lied to you.
Yet again, you had asked if he was okay, genuine concern weighing heavy on you. “I promise you, I’m fine.” He’d said it so calmly, so truthfully, while he had held your face in his big hands and placed a loving kiss on your forehead.
How could you do anything but believe him? When the person you loved and trusted the most in the world, was looking you in the eyes and reassuring you that you had nothing to worry about?
After that interaction, it seemed you missed him by just a few minutes every time. Everyone else; Satoru, Shoko, everyone, met him in small flashes in the period before the massacre, which only made things worse. It was hard to accept you were the only one he was shying away from.
And now, three months had passed since that cursed day. Three long months, where just waking up had become a battle. Because it wasn’t like he had just broken up with you. No, he had gone down an unthinkable path and left you standing in the dust without a word. But you tried your best to just go by your everyday life, going to school and missions, trying to hang out with the friends who hadn’t abandoned you.
But even in your best attempts, you were constantly losing the fight against the ever growing loneliness inside you. More often than not, you found yourself alone doing meaningless activities like walking around empty streets of unfamiliar suburban parts of Tokyo, or taking a random train without purpose from one destination to another just to fill the time.
Like right now, where you we’re patiently waiting for the next train to pull up in front of you. Comparable to so many times before, you’d just sit down on the train and look out the window until it reached its end station.
In the later hours of the afternoon, the wind had gotten significantly colder and you deeply regretted not bringing a thicker jacket. You tried, with little success, to block out the chilly wind that blew quietly through the platforms.
However, your habit of just observing your surroundings served as a nice distraction. Letting your attention travel around you, you took in the intricate architecture, the chirping birds resting on the tall railings, observing the few people scattered about when you spotted a face you knew all too well.
It couldn’t be…
Almost certain your heart would stop at the sight, you pinched your sides trying to wake up from what had to be a dream. Ouch. No, not a dream. Then it had to be your mind playing a cruel trick on you, a hallucination formed because you had such a huge desire to see him again.
Was it actually possible that he was staring back at you from the other platform, mere feet from you? Was it real that you could see the slight tug at the corner of his lips? You didn’t have much time to think as the trance was broken when a train came rushing in in front of him.
Without a second to waste, your feet acted on their own and began to carry you as fast as they possibly could to the opposite platform. Storming down the stairs, paving through the scattered crowd underground before sprinting up the stairs, two steps at a time. Heaving to catch your breath, you stood in the exact spot you swore you had seen him but he was nowhere in sight.
“Please,” you whispered to yourself, running your hands through your hair in despair, frantically looking around you.
Suddenly you froze in place when your eyes landed on him, standing just a few steps away from you. It felt as you’d forgotten how to breathe, looking at the person who once used to stand so close to you, and over night had become a stranger.
He had half of his dark hair tied back in a bun, his usual bangs hanging over his forehead, looking healthier than he did the last time you had seen him. His cheeks weren’t as hollow, the dark circles under his eyes had disappeared and his skin had gotten its colour back.
“Good to see you again, angel.” Crash-landing back to reality at the sound of his nickname for you, without thinking, you leapt for him, throwing your arms around his neck in a tight hug, like you’d be able to prevent him from slipping away again. He barely even stumbled at the impact of your attack, feet still planted safely on the ground as his arms immediately wrapped around your waist in response.
“You’re real! You’re here,” you breathed in awe. You could feel his chest take a deep breath before burying his face in the crook of your neck. The fear of letting go was strong, but it didn’t trump the dire need you had to see his face to know he was actually real. Pulling away, he carefully loosened his grip on you before you grabbed his face without hesitation, staring endearingly at him, taking in the fact that he was indeed standing right in front of you.
There was so many things you wanted to say to him, but your mind was running faster than your mouth, strangling all the questions you had, once another one popped into your mind. Opening and closing your mouth over and over, you stayed quiet, eyes flickering between his.
“Never thought I’d see you again,” he spoke softly. This wasn’t how he had sounded the last few weeks before the tragedy — no, this was the voice of your boyfriend. Your Suguru, not som murderous individual on the run.
“Well, neither did I- I mean, you sort of left me,” you stuttered, feeling your shoulders sink as reality started to wash over you.
“I know.”
Slowly, your hands trailed down his face, his neck, before you let them rest on his chest. Even though he appeared to be so calm, you felt his heart beat against his chest with incredible force, like it was running from something.
“Uhm, where,” you cleared your throat. “Where have you been?”
“In hiding, I suppose. Leading them.” You tried to hide the flinch it caused to hear him say it. Even though he didn’t say it explicitly, it felt like a confession to his crimes.
“And you’re okay?” He nodded slowly, like he genuinely believed his own words but knew you needed further convincing. “You look better.”
Suguru mumbled a small thanks, before he was unable to resist the urge of cupping your cheek, letting his thumb travel back and forth on your cheekbone, capturing some of your soft hair between his hand and your face.
Looking at you now, it felt a lot like the first time he’d met you, looking bewitching as always, despite the fact you looked tired. Even though your features had been tainted with weariness, you still had that special something about you that made him speechless.
What pained him, however, was how he could sense the stress his presence caused you. It was clear as day you were trying your best to suppress the uneasiness you were feeling, but you sadly failed to completely hide the fact that he unnerved you. It made his stomach turn, because he’d never wanted to make you feel anything but safe and loved.
“How are you?” He asked. It was a stupid question, but he couldn’t find any better way to start the conversation after all that had gone down. Watching you closely, he saw you began to nod your head, a little too frantically for his liking, as your fingers began to fidget with the fabric of his shirt.
“As well as I can be,” you didn’t necessarily stutter anymore, but you knew there was a quiver in your voice that he picked up on. “It’s been hard, you know.”
Silence overcame you, as neither could find the right thing to say. No words seemed to be able to bring justice to the messages you wanted to tell the other. Fixating your eyes on your own fingers, still picking at his clothes, you searched your mind for a way to phrase your feelings without breaking down and saying the wrong thing.
Suguru beat you to it, “you must have a hundred questions.”
Carefully tilting your head upwards to meet his eyes again, some of your nerves relaxed out of habit. “Yeah, I do.”
“I’ll answer anything you need me to.”
Once you started to figure out what to ask him, you became insanely aware of your body. Any inch of you that was in contact with him had ignited, like your skin was burning. Suddenly it felt wrong to give him the comfort of your touch after everything he had done.
“It’s all true right?” You swallowed the lump in your throat, slowly pulling away from his embrace and wrapping your jacket tighter around yourself. “What you did in that village?”
“Yes,” he answered simply. He straightened his posture, acting like your recent touch hadn’t had an impact and on him. “Does it scare you?”
You thought about it for a second, holding his gaze captive. You knew what your answer should be, but even though you were uncomfortable with the reality, no part of you were scared of him. You just couldn’t be, having him look at you with those eyes that had always been honest with you and let you know how much he loved you.
“No.” He couldn’t hide it — you saw a small relief travel throughout his body. “Why'd you do it?”
“I’m sure you’ve heard the story.” His demeanour had turned colder after you’d taken a step back, which caused you to find it in you to match his behaviour more.
“I want to hear it from you.”
With a clear of his throat, he found a confident stance. “I no longer believe it is right for Jujutsu sorcerers to serve non-sorcerers, clearly inferior to us.”
“Is that right?” You challenged him, crossing your arms over your chest. You still held his gaze, without a word, denying him the privilege of looking away from you as he tried to justify killing all those people.
“How does it make sense that the weak rule over the powerful? And that without the slightest ounce of appreciation?”
“You don’t think we have a responsibility to protect those who can’t protect themselves?” He just slowly shook his head, more in disbelief than an answer.
“But aren’t you tired?” Not entirely sure what he meant, you squinted at him to elaborate his question. “Doing the same thing over and over, exhausting yourself as you risk your life for people who don’t even care if you live or die?”
“Of course I am. We all are,” you spoke softly, not having it in you to raise your voice at him. “But that doesn’t mean we can just kill people.”
“You weren’t there. They had it coming.” You could hear the words coming from his mouth, but it just didn’t seem like Suguru.
“No, I wasn’t there. And that’s because of you.” Finally you managed to draw out a physical reaction from him as he flinched at your words.
Maybe he had been callow to think you had accepted his departure — that you understood. How could you? He had been unreasonable when he’d decided to just leave without a word or explanation. He knew all that, but at the time he hadn't posessed the strength to face you at that time, knowing he’d be destroying you in the process.
“Why, Suguru?” You’d turned impotent to keeping your emotions in check, the quiver in your voice had shifted into sternness, your tone raising ever so slightly. “Didn’t I deserve any explanation? How come you talked to all the others but me? I tried so desperately to get through to you, but did you care so little about me that you found it easier to just leave me stranded?”
“Is that what you really think?” With big, sad eyes, he stared at you. The confident and strong presence that was visible just seconds ago had transformed into one of innocence, reminding you of the boy you loved.
“Can you blame me?”
“Angel,” there it was again, his nickname for you rolling of his tongue as easy as breathing, making you close your eyes to shut out the tears that had started to form.
You didn’t feel worthy of it anymore, when the sole reason he’d given it to you was because, in his words, you’d saved him. You had come into his life, a light and kind presence that genuinely only wanted the best for him. With just being you, you’d given him the support he needed to go about his life. Whenever he’d needed reassurance or support, he hadn’t hesitated to seek it from you. And you had always given it to him without a single hesitation, no matter how silly the situation might have been.
But this time you’d failed him. When he had needed you the most, you hadn’t been able to help him and he’d crash-landed, destroying everything in his vicinity — literally. You should have been more persistent, forced him to let you help him, been the person he expected you to be.
“I would have been the death of you,” he said weakly. Opening your eyes again to meet his gaze, the first silent tear fell from your eye.
“I’d let you.”
“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that was the case.”
“Suguru, I-“ your voice cracked. “You just left me!”
“I know,” cautiously he stepped closer, waiting to see if you’d stop him, before he gently placed his hands on your biceps. “I couldn’t face you.”
Letting your stare flitter across his face, you debated whether you should dig further to get the answers you were seeking. “Would you have asked me to join you.”
“Yes.”
The word left his mouth almost before you’d been able to finish your question. In the time apart, you’d only tortured yourself with what the reason might have been, and always concluded with ‘he doesn’t really care about you’.
But this seemed to be confirming the opposite, what you had refused to believe.
“So I avoided you, knowing I wouldn’t have been able to hold my tongue.” Taking a deep breath before continuing. “It would have been nothing but selfish of me to ask you to come along.”
“But-“
“Would you have said yes?”
Opening your mouth to answer, the words instantly died in your throat, just a hoarse, low squeal escaped you. His intense gaze staring holes into you, seeing right through you. What did you expect? No one knew you better than he did.
You did not want to admit it, but you knew the answer would have been yes, without a shadow of a doubt. Imagining the scene, him capturing your hands in his, begging you with his eyes and you’d say yes. Based on the slightest off chance that it could help him one way or another, you wouldn’t even have hesitated.
“That’s what I thought,” he sighed and stroked your hair. “As much as I believe in this cause, I couldn’t let you go down this path, weighing down on your conscience. You’re too good for this life.”
“So are you!” You uttered in desperation, hot tears falling from your eyes. “You’re good, Suguru. You’re kind, and strong, and brave. This isn’t the life for you.” Scrunching his shirt up in your fists, tugging at him in hopes he would surrender to your plea.
A weak smile painted his features, appearing so innocent. “It is. This is what I believe is right.”
“No, no, that’s not true! You don’t want this, you’re just tired of the same thing every day!” A low sob escaped in between your grovelling. “Just come back with me and we can fix this.”
“Oh, you’re too good for me,” he sighed and leaned forward to rest his forehead against yours, soothing the bouncing of your shoulders. “You know that’s impossible.”
You didn’t let him lean on you for very long, feeling like you had a better chance to convince him if you looked him directly in the eyes. “We’ll convince them! Satoru’s the strongest now, they’ll do as he-“
“Hey,” he sushed you in a respectful manner. “You know they’ll execute me if I am to return.”
“Then why did you come here?!” You snapped at him, as the tears continued to fall. Letting go of his shirt, you pushed him away from you. “If you’re so dead set on this god awful mission, why did you come to see me?”
“Because even when I try not to be selfish, I fail.” Stifling your sobs, your focus was fully dedicated to his explanation. “It would be unfair to you to let that be the last time we spoke.” A silent scoff slipped out, followed by continuous sniffling. “And I miss you,” he trailed off before once again approaching you, sliding his hands up your face, ignoring the tension in you.
“Please come home,” you whispered, even though you knew it was a lost cause.
“You know, you’ve always been the best part of me.”
Letting the tension slip away, you knew you’d regret it if you let this moment be a hostile one. Somewhere inside, you knew this would be the last time you met him on terms like these. If you ever were to cross paths again, you were sure it would end a lot bloodier.
“Continue to be the best part of me, okay angel?” With a reluctant nod, you dried your nose with the back of your hand and rapidly blinking away the tears.
Suguru didn’t say another word, he only leaned forward. You instinctively closed your eyes when you felt his lips place a loving kiss on your forehead.
Then his hands slipped away from your face. You kept your eyes shut for another ten seconds, and when you finally dared to open them, he was gone.
⋆⭒˚｡⋆
tags: @alisstaa (you requested to be tagged in jjk angst, so i just thought, hope thats okay <3)
a/n now i dont like this as much as i wish i did, but ive been heavy in the angsty corner. i started this before the chapter leaks, so i wanted to finish this first. but my poor gojo heart needs something to hold onto after 261 :,) so im already in the process of writing a hefty one i think
thankful now that im a maurauders fan so im used to not give a shit about canon. the crazy gojo stan in me needs that rn
reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated
plagiarism not authorized
#⋆⭒˚｡⋆ hea writes#suguru x reader#suguru geto x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#suguru imagine#suguru geto imagine#suguru oneshot#suguru geto oneshot#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu geto#geto suguru#jjk geto#geto x reader#geto x y/n#suguru geto x y/n#jjk suguru#jjk suguru geto#suguru geto/reader#jjk imagine#jjk imagines#geto suguru x reader#jjk oneshot#jujutsu kaisen oneshot#jujutsu kaisen imagines#suguru geto
100 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ive seen your Lin Kuei Brothers hc about movie reactions and they re hilarious. I watched Mean Girls the other day and thought about their reaction watching it. I bet Bi-han would stan Regina lol. What do you think?
This is short because tbh I don’t really see them liking it😭. I added a little Drabble cause this took so long.
Although the idea of him being a Regina George stan is conical, I don't really see him enjoying movies like Mean Girls
I'm not sure what movies he'd like or if he's more of a book guy, but Mean Girls is campy fun about highschool drama. I just don't see him being interested
I'm not sure any of them would really be interested in it honestly. Mean Girls isn't just a girls movie but these are men who are in their 30s-40s and just don't give me Mean Girl stan. Yk?
I just don't see him liking it at all. He's checked out the entire time and when he's told it's a classic, he doesn't understand why
It's not the worst movie he's ever seen but it's not his favorite. He'll never go out of his way to see it again
A party pooper fr
I don't think he'll be like “this shit is ASS!” because you like the movie but I can see him being like “well it was certainly a movie”
I don't know😭. I wanna say he'd like it, but it doesn't seem like his vibe. I'm sorry 😔
“Did you like it?” You asked once the movie was over. The answer? No. Honestly, halfway through the movie he completely checked out and if you hadn't announced that it ended, he wouldn't have noticed.
“It was a movie” he answered simply. He went to get up from the couch but you grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. A random spout of strength that contrasted how sad you looked.
“You didn't like it?”
“I'm in my 40s”
“So?”
“So, it isn't for me”. Your frown deepened and he couldn't understand why. It was just a movie. He could understand why you liked it. It had childhood memories attached to it. He didn't have any memories attached to it, so to him, it was just a movie.
“You suck ass” you finally said and crossed your arms. “I'm watching it again”.
“Have fun with that”.
I don't think he hates the movie but once again, I just don't see any of them truly appreciating it
Teenage drama to him just isn't exciting. He's older so when problems arise he starts giving logical answers
“How does Cady not see that she's also becoming a mean girl?”
Because that's the point of the movie Kuai
He'll watch it maybe a few times with you if it keeps you happy
In canon he has a wife so I'm sure he knows that sometimes you gotta endure for them
I think his favorite character, if he had to choose, would be maybe Karen because she's just tryna live life based on my memory
He's glad he understands the references you make now
So there's positives
Not his cup of tea but he likes that you like it
“This is a classic, you say?” Kuai Liang asked. He meant for his tone to come out friendly and curious, but in reality it came out unsure and a little judgmental. Unfortunately for him, you noticed.
“Shut up! You didn't like it?!” he couldn't understand why you were so surprised. He liked some movies but the movies he liked were nothing like Mean Girls.
“I didn't say that”
“I cannot believe you. We're gonna watch it again until you like it”. Kuai Liang was tempted to get up and go do literally anything else, but when you snuggled close to his arm, he figured there was no harm in trying again. As long as he was close to his favorite person.
I can see him being the brother that understands the message the most
For some reason people debate on who's actually a mean girl. Whether it's Regina, Cady, Janis, ect.
Tomas can see that multiple characters are mean asf
Now once again, I don't see this being his cup of tea, but hate is too strong of a word
Dislike is too strong of a word
The movie is just eh to him. It's just a movie. He won't suffer if he watches it but he'll never choose to watch it on his own
I can see him lying about how much he enjoyed it so he ends up watching it a lot more than he wants to because you keep putting it on
Even if this isn't his favorite movie, he definitely thinks the first is better than the sequel
That shit was ass
Mean Girls is entertaining. The sequel… no❤
He watches it with you because it lets you spend time together.
Honestly you could put on a shitty booty ass movie like Teen Wolf (2023) and he'd watch it if it kept the two of you together
“Sooooo… thoughts?” You leaned back in your seat and look over at him with hope and happiness in your eyes. He internally winced. How could he destroy that shimmer in your eyes?
“I loved it!” he lies. His heart swells in his chest when you clap your hands together and give him a toothy grin. By the Elder Gods… you were far too cute for him. Now he certainly couldn't tell you he didn't particularly care for the movie! You'd look so sad.
“I'm so glad! We should get matching pink shirts! We can wear them on Wednesdays!”. Tomas kept his forced smile on his face. Internally, he wasn't sure what can of worms he opened. All he knew was that it was too late to close it back up.
“Sounds great” he mumbled. “Maybe we can watch the sequel I've heard about”. Why did he keep talking?
You scoffed. “Sure. I guess we can suffer together”.
Suffer? Oh boy…
#mk1#mk1 2023#mortal kombat 1#bi han#bi han sub zero#kuai liang scorpion#kuai liang#kuai liang mk1#bi han mk#bi han mortal kombat#bi han x reader#bi han mk1#kuai liang x reader#bi han headcanons#kuai liang headcanons#tomas vrbada#tomas vrbada smoke#mk1 tomas vrbada#tomas vrbada headcanons#tomas vrbada x reader#mk1 headcanons
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
I find the beginning of I’m No Angel cute and funny. Dean is worried sick about Cas especially once he finds out that the angels are working together and killing people. He says if they get to him before we do and all Sam does is sit there trying hard not to tell Dean to calm his ass down. It’s an example of Sam knowing which I really like. Then when they are looking for Cas and Dean describes him as dark hair and blue eyes. It’s a simple description yet I still love it. He’s spent enough time eye f*cking Cas he should know the colour of his eyes.
The poor boy looked like he was about 2 seconds away from losing it from seeing Cas dead and i’m pretty sure in the script it doesn’t say Cas dies then Dean places his hands on both sides of Cas face lovingly anf gently.
I absolutely love this part. First of all as Ezekiel (I know it’s Gadriel but at this point they don’t) is fixing Cas Dean is mouthing come on. Sam faints after Ezekiel fixes Cas and Dean is about to go over to check on Sam and as soon as he hears Cas say his name his head whipped around soooo fast. Then Dean takes another opportunity to put his hands on Cas leg and chest. Think this is Jensens choice again and I’m very happy with his choices.
This actually made me bust out laughing. Cas told Dean and Sam that he had sex with April (think that was her name). Dean looks proud and Sam looks disgusted. I think Sam is trying to figure out why Cas would tell them that not realizing that Cas told Dean back a few seasons ago that he was a virgin so he knew Dean at least would be happy for him. Personally I don’t think Cas really liked misses even before she started torturing him I think it was just a human thing he wanted to experience.
This broke my heart. I feel bad for Dean. He’s in such a hard place. He either has to tell Cas to leave and have him defend for himself as a human which he’s not used to doing and running away from angels that want to kill him or he lets Cas stay and Sam dies. The worst thing is he was extremely happy to finally have Cas in the bunker where he could protect him and take care of him and then gets his heart broken when told he has to tell Cas to leave. I’m guessing the writers tried to explain it with Dean defending Cas and saying that he’s the one that the angels are after, he only let Ezekiel possess Sam because Cas said he was a good angel and that he has the tattoo. Ezekiel saying that misses found Cas even with the tattoo but they never explained how misses found Cas. Dean is extremely confused because he knows the tattoo keeps the angels from finding people so Cas should be protected. I feel bad for Cas because now he has to be by himself again but I also feel bad for Dean because he had to be the one to tell Cas to leave.
If Cas could see the love and sadness in Dean eyes here he would forgive him right away (Heaven Cant’t Wait). I know Dean doesn’t want Sam around or talking to Cas because he knows if he does Sam will say something about Cas deciding to leave and Cas would tell Sam that Dean told him to leave and Sam would know something was wrong since Dean wanted Cas in the bunker but it’s a nice excuse for Cas and Dean to be alone. Sam questioned Dean if there’s no case and you’re not going to see Cas then what’s the point? At least Sam knows how much Dean wants to see Cas. Cas obviously wanted to see Dean too since he called him about the case not Sam. Well 99% of the time he does call Dean but right now he’s feeling rejected by Dean and yet he still calls him and probably knows Dean will drop everything to go there.
Dean says I can’t let you do this and I didn’t see the way Cas looked at him at first but then I realized Cas was hoping he would say don’t go on this date stay here with me.
Dean tells Cas to unbutton some of the buttons on his shirt and Dean is obviously enjoying the sight. He has a huge smile on his face and checking Cas out then when he realizes Cas is looking at him he goes back to making sure Cas looks good.
Earlier in the ep Dean was being as asshole telling Cas he was too good to be working in a little store not realizing Cas has to get money now for food, supplies and whatever else he needs or wants. I think Dean still looks at Cas and sees the strong (as in mentally) angel that he’s used to. He’s used to Cas being more then happy to help them with cases and now that Cas wants to be good at his job Dean didn’t understand it until this point. He now realizes Cas is still mentally strong and if he got to be human he’s going to do it the best he can. He even tells Cas he’s proud of him and Cas looks happy to hear it. I think hearing that Dean is proud of him made him feel better about Dean telling him to leave the bunker. In an earlier ep (the dead people turning to zombies one) Dean couldn’t understand why Bobbys wife wasn’t telling Bobby the truth. She said to Dean you’ve never been in love have you. She wanted to keep Bobby happy and protected (I can’t remember her exact words). Here Dean didn’t tell Cas that the spell was irreversible because he thought Cas was happy as a human and didn’t know what he would do if he knew he was never going to be an angel again. I guess Dean is in love now. Lastly when Cas got out of the car you can see how hard it was for both of them to say goodbye. Dean actually had to let out a deep breath before he could look at Cas again and Cas looked sad as he walked to the store.
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ahh, my favorite pastime. Analyzing characters and figuring out how people work.
(Obligatory this is all characters, I just didn't wanna put a q in front of all the names :3)
I really do try to see everyone's side, and I do not think anyone here is necessarily in the wrong. Nothing is black and white of course, but I wanted to specifically focus on bads pov here. I think alot of people kinda forget all the lore leading up to this point. Especially anyone who wasn't here.
Bad is a very tragic character and his lore has kinda been put on hold since everything that has happened.
But if we are to assume we are picking up about where we last left off, bad doesn't remember lullah. (In fact he doesn't really remember anyone on the island). Only the interactions hes had with them after he got back. He found out that hes a special person in lullah's life a little bit after he got back but he cant reciprocate those feelings. He just doesn't know her. But all the while He is being forced into this position where lullah needs old bad but old bad literally physicaly died.
Heres this guy who just woke up from being dead stressed and alone. Finding out hes trapped on an island and missing his best friend. Being thrusted into the roll of tio. He said to foolish that he doesn't think he could be a parent and that being a tio was stressful enough so its not like this is an easy roll for him to fit into.
So he has this expectation that he is being held too which is pretty unrealistic. Let alone that fact that he simply now doesn't know how to deal with children, it's not a skill he has anymore.
Then, with pomme and dapper being gone the only egg he has even gotten close to after he died is richas. Then combine that with his very clingy personality. No wonder he plays favorites.
Not to mention alot of his issues with communication and such are very autistic/adhd coded. I feel like so many people aren't really agnologing that. <_<
But now from lullah and richas's perspective it's also awful.
They are still literal children who has gone through so much.
Im not a philza watcher so I dont know lullah alot but we can kinda tell Lullah has issues with abandonment, and she has already lost bad once before. She wants the tio bad back she knew the one who she has spent so much time with and has known her whole eggie life. But he isn't going to be back anytime soon. She probably wants some sort of consistency. Let alone the fact emotions are a difficult thing to begin with.
its a difficult situation for everyone involved. And its understandable to feel upset because that's what stories do! A good story should make you feel emotions but if you are angry, or sad at the actual people you need to take a step back for your own well being. <3
#I've been thinking about this alot#I really do enjoy trying to figure out what makes people do what they do#It's fun and interesting :3#Badboyhalo#Qsmp
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#just realized im jumpy and cheery when im around people to the point where i could come off as a kind of emotional person#but like. most of it is just masking? like most of the time its just my trained response to what i think is a social cue#and trying to figure out tone based on how people talk. so i tend to add an excessively positive tone so that i don't come across as mean#but like. my natural self is a lot more subdued.#of course there are highs and lows and a lot of the time im just zoning out and forgetting anything or anyone exists#and usually when i am hyperactive it's less the stereotypical adhd jumpiness and more... anger and frustration#i get jittery and idk what im talking about and it's not. fun.#and because i feel like it takes this additional work to kind of... be around people i tend to really enjoy my time alone#and i also. kind of suck at making friends irl. i just cannot approach people first#anyway idrk where this was going but being on tumblr all these years n especially now that i have such wonderful friends here im realizing#that im actually not as introverted as i thought. im just discouraged at the thought of having to decipher shit out with people#im truly a yapper at heart xD#but im also not as overwhelmingly positive as i seem#i just want people to know i love them. even if i really do overcompensate to show it#yeah. some self awareness stuff ig#megumi in the tags
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
[ID: A collection of black and white sketches showing everyday objects that are haunted by little creatures. These creatures fill in gaps with black space and white dots for eyes /End ID]
As some of you might’ve seen: I’m no longer posting art on Twitter, so Tumblr is now the only social media I’ll be consistently posting art to. However: I’ll also be posting it to my website and possibly other social media platforms in the future.
I also post monthly sketch pages to my Patreon (April’s is on this post) with early access for Patrons, and I’m hoping to add more things to it soon!
Thanks everyone for your support (your tags mean a lot to me!) and I’ve put more of my thoughts in the tags.
#monsters#sketch#Patreon#Putting my thoughts here rather than in a read more so people don’t have to see it a lot:#Went on a vacation at the start of July and realised I’ve been ridiculously burnt out and didn’t realise#The stress of *trying* to have something ready for social media every other day was exhausting#I’m not the fastest artist out there so it takes time! I was really pushing out quick things#not progressing as an artist since I wasn’t practicing besides trying to be faster#So I’m shifting gears more now and doing things that aren’t art as hobbies#Learnt to make my website! Want to keep developing it too and making layouts for other people#Learning auslan (Aussie sign language) and having an amazing time!#mostly getting back into education since I really love learning things#haven’t been in a class for years and it’s been a big boost to my mental health#still have financial worries but not as badly now thankfully#Anyway I’ll probably be posting less art until I figure out what works for me#though less art is better than the NONE that happens when I’m exhausted and having a bad time#Hopefully I’ll start to really enjoy the process again and start getting more ideas#(ideas are so hard to come up with!)
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...
#overall my mood has been better but i am so incredibly terrified of the future... its like....#like i feel as if someone has holding me at gun point and got told thst if i did any mistakes they would shoot#but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself#i am really scared... even tho all of this gave me a new objective... i dont wanna be obsolete...#... so... that what we will work on... also... i wanna work towards my dreams...#I've been putting it off for so long i want to do it#people support me and actually enjoy my voice... i want to...#the things on my plate right now are things i can achieve... but i want more... i want things i actually want...#i want...#my house has a constant buzzing sound. i believe its because of the small power plant behind the lot. which makes it difficult for recording#since i have to get rid of that and that messes with the rest of the audio#its comforting to know it wasnt the mic tho... heh...#tomorrow lets try to take the first few steps... well more like lets try to continue with the set up#we have already a couple stuff but we still have a lot missing...#... today the girls said some stuff that impressed me... thats how im perceived?... is that what people think of me?#i kinda want to... fulfill those 'expectations'... they dont expect anything but its more of a me thing... ive been dreaming and hoping for#so long but i dont take the next step. i never do... and its because of the executive dysfunction... but... once i get the hang of it...#once i do... everything will be excellent... and we will take it easy#i am so tired already... i feel im gonan falla sleep#seari talks
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.
#blue chatter#am I good at ASL? hahahahahahaha. no.#ASL and English grammar are incredibly different and even when I remember my vocab I am easily clockable as hearing#but I do have some language capacity now. enough to communicate the basics.#and I just. genuinely really enjoy it. it’s fun to learn and engaging in a way most of my classes just aren’t.#and I can. yanno. communicate respectfully w Deaf ppl. and learn about their culture#which is incredibly important given that I want to go into a field where there is a higher incidence than typical of Deaf people#autistic? you’re more likely to be Deaf!#not to mention the fact that sign language can sometimes be a useful alternative to speech for nonspeaking/nonverbal people#depending on the person obvi; some nonspeaking/nonverbal autistics cannot use sign language and that’s okay#but surely at some point I will encounter either a Deaf client or a nonspeaking/nonverbal client who uses ASL#and when that time comes I should have some idea of how to communicate with them#I also rly like the Deaf church by my parents’ house#their community is really welcoming and their services are really interesting#I think it’s rly cool how they take intentions directly from the congregation#they’ll raise their hands and then sign what their intention is from their pew to the ambo#which is rly neat#it is funny bc every time I go the Deaf ppl I talk to will tell each other ‘go slow she’s hearing’#which is ENTIRELY fair bc. I am hearing. and I do need them to go slower.#but it also makes me laugh bc truly everyone knows within a few minutes.#oh hey the new person? they’re hearing. yeah they’re learning ASL at college. sign slowly for her.#which again makes sense bc a big Deaf culture thing is keeping ppl informed. it’s not gossip it’s getting everyone on the same page.#Deaf ppl do NOT beat around the bush that is like the height of rudeness to them. u say what u mean goshdangit. do not waste their time.#which I appreciate the heck out of bc i don’t have to try and phrase things delicately or w/e#it was also funny bc my mom came w me while I was home for Christmas and they asked her if I was her kid#and she said yes. and the lady running the kid’s craft corner thing was like ‘great you’re doing a craft now’#and I’m sitting there. visibly over 18 years old. amongst several seven year olds. trying desperately to figure out how to say hot glue gun#I made a v pretty pinecone tree it was a lot of fun ^-^
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿
Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿
#comet rambles#putting in queue to deploy later#parent loss tw#just in case by association n implications ☝️🗿/nm+gen#when i get stuff set up with my checking account i was already thinking of getting a new chest binder once our personal issues with finance#has been figured out definitely#i dont wanna say much n jinx stuff so ill leave it at that#personal#gender shit is hard n i really think i may be a he/they or he/him still#or if not then closeted butch lesbian idk#most signs point to male gender identity leaning though 😔👍#also my social battery is outta wack but i needed to get this out so i apologize to anyone who i have yet to respond to/gen+nm 🥹#like i genuinely still feel as though ive been born in the wrong body and i tried to accept my feminity and it went well!!#like i started embracing my femininity the past few years and now i think im over it because it feels like i just attempted to try#and be something i wasn't if that makes any sense#i hate being referred to as she/her or as a girl even if i understand some people will still see me as fem despite my personal identity etc#its not that i hate my femininity its just i feel anything but female while still enjoying traditionally fem stuff at times#hope this makes sense#🗿👍#still ace/aro though just cant figure out if i only enjoy the thought of romance (cupiosexual/romantic) or if i feel comfy in one#i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain#as of lately chris Redfield and Albert Wesker have become two of my transition goals and idk what to do about this lmfao#i wish i was kidding#but im not 😭#sitting here like EVA shinji with his head in his hands in the damn chair image/lh#also wanna be a rootin tootin goth cowboy 🥰#if it turns out im like a comphet butch/nb lesbian im gonna shit myself though/lh+nm
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyone else get self-destructive when they are bored because at least feeling like shit is more engaging than feeling nothing?
#I'm trying very hard to stop myself from going down some very stupid rabbit holes on tumblr right now#but it is only kind of working#I am also stressed about finding an apartment and figuring out signing up for classes in the fall#which isn't helping#I was FINE this morning#I was thinking about my swtor character and her backstory and her old master#and it was great!!! I was having a good time!#but now I'm at work and can't focus and really just want someone to do like oc lore/rp for swtor with me#but again. I'm at work. and I don't know of anyone who would want that (unless you do jess)#(but I didn't think you were all that interested/enjoyed rp that much)#also. I would like to just dress up as a jedi and pretend to be one irl#and I can't do that#I should make a jedi cosplay honestly#do I get tik tok again just to see if there are people on there making jedi oc rp content#no. I shouldn't. but what if they are???????
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I keep seeing tiktoks about how the owl house fandom is so annoying apparently and people can't seem to escape the endless fan content and passionate rants about it... like girl you know we're mostly desperate gays and traumatized autistics right. Please just let us have this ;-;
Anyway I absolutely should not have taken that personally but after *finally* starting to become a little more comfortable with having special interests and hyperfixations ... I did unfortunately take it personally 😔 like it seems like one very small thing to get upset about but I'm so tired of constantly worrying that my only form of happiness will only ever be annoying to people and then having that fear affirmed again and again.
#its okay to not like the same things as me. theres plenty of things that my favorite people like that i dont really#and i still love to see them happy about things#im not being subjected to some horrible torture just because someone likes something#it honestly makes me really happy that other people can find joy where i cant#because you know sometimes i cant find anything to be happy about and those excited faces and passionate rants#remind me that theres happiness even in places where i cant see it#this kinda derailed but yeah#basically im just really tired#hearing stuff like this makes me want to stop making things and never talk again#its the reason im so surprised when someone likes what i say or what i make#because i have been fully prepared for people to openly hate me or at least find me annoying#idk i know im too sensitive about things and i have a lot to work through#but thats what im trying to do you know#im trying to figure out why this is upsetting to me#actually no you know what this is a pretty big deal#i want people to stop acting like my mere existence is an inconvenience to them#you can look away! im not imposing myself on you im literally just here#i didnt choose to be here but i am and im gonna enjoy it if and when i can
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
I will admit I love Splatoon but it is driving me up the fuckin wall, I've played a lotta Turf War and I'm kinda burnt out on it so I'm playing mostly Anarchy Battles and I know people say solo queue is bad or whatever like I'm expecting people to not exactly be team players y'know we all have those moments of being bad team players but MY GOD MAN I swear people have gotten WORSE about the objective lately! They BLATANTLY IGNORE IT! I have had to use the limited comms of "This way!" a LOT more than I have ever had to do. And it works with players whom get carried away pushing foward but a lotta the times they will see exactly what I'm trying to do and STILL NOT HELP ME! I play a lotta slow weapons that make it hard for me to pop the Rainmaker so maybe that is my fault for not playing Nautilus more but GOSH! They see me struggling to pop and they do not simply SHOOT THE RAINMAKER SHIELD FOR EVEN A SECOND!! As well as in Tower Control people are allergic to touching the tower for even a second and Splat Zones people will not SPLAT the ZONE and instead fail to kill any of the enemy team continuously and never land any of that ink even near the actual objective!! I'm not gonna say I'm a perfect player and playing exclusively for objective wouldn't work obviously but not even a little extra support? Not even ONE person turning around and playing attention to objective? Straight up leaving the Rainmaker unattended at the front of the last checkpoint so that the enemy can push up and dunk the Rainmaker and end the game? Me being the only one trying to pop the Rainmaker shield and failing cuz my teammates left to bumfuck nowhere? I'm use to it happening sometimes but it feels like it is happening almost EVERY TIME now! I think Splatoon 3 screwed up something in the ranking system cuz I have legit seen very very VERY new players in S+ somehow and I mean genuinely new players who can barely hold their camera straight cuz they aren't use to motion controls yet. I don't remember this being a problem in Splatoon 2. As well as pairing up extremely new players with very experienced player in Turf War SPLATOON USE TO BE A LOT BETTER THAN THAT AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO HAPPEN ANYMORE!! WHAT DID THEY DO TO SCREW IT UP SO BADLY!!!!
#long post#but really I'm not sure what they did to Splatoon 3 but they messed some sort of system they had in place#and it is VERY apparent#it use to be that if you lost a buncha games (such as doing squid parties in Splatoon 2) that you would go into increasingly lower levels#and usually it was because OTHER people were ALSO squid partying consistently and you would get paired up with a lotta squid parties#it was OBVIOUS and it was APPARENT that it was happening but that DOESN'T happen anymore!#I have lost tons and tons of battles and yet get put with the same try hards consistently in Turf War like I enjoy it sometimes#but sometimes I just kinda wanna fuckin chill in Turf War? sometimes I just wanna roll around with a roller or something and chill#like people are straight up disrespectful in Splatoon nowadays it's pretty awful#like squidbagging isn't as much of a problem nowadays but we switched it for bloodthirsty spawn campers#and they will spawn camp you when you have a DISCONNECT as if they will win some sort of medal of honor!#nothing honorable about what ur doing you punk ass bitch! fuck off!#luckily I haven't gotten spawn camped THAT badly so far but I've seen it with others and it is straight up despicable#anywayy still love ya Splatoon 😋✌️ but I think you need to get some shit figured out cuz I've seen a lotta ppl complaining#which ik the post was me complaining abt smth totally different but I think it all loops back around the match making system#which they have somehow fucked up from the switch of Splatoon 2 to Splatoon 3#not saying Splatoon 2 didn't have any of these problems but I feel it was a lot less rampant as it is nowadays in Splatoon 3#I feel like everyone can feel that I don't think it's just me like even my sibling mentions it
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
imagine if someone said this shit about any other group of human beings lol some people are this website are actually sociopathic. of course parents should stop their kids from doing this but why the fuck are you blaming the kid for their natural curiosity? most people tried doing this as children
#i did this and im definitely not a fucking rapist. why the fuck would you say this#kids are the most vulnerable group in society. stop talking about them like this#if you don't enjoy children's company that's fine but there's no excuse to speak of them so cruelly#they're little people with undeveloped brains still trying to figure out how the world works#imagine if someone said this about a highly disabled person who has the impulse control of a child lol all hell would break loose#but somehow it's okay to say about an actual child. wtf#i still remember being so hurt as a kid by people who didn't hide their disdain for children#and child hate seems to be getting even more common now. i don't want my son experiencing this shame inducing shit#i make sure he's well behaved and doesn't bother people but sometimes he tries to do stuff that's natural for a kid#and he shouldn't be made to feel like theirs something wrong with him when he's still learning#*there's#treating kids like this when what they need is guidance and gentle discipline to teach them the ways of the world#is what creates fearful and shame filled adults#again there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids or not enjoying their company but blatant hate is fucked up#children are just as human as any other vulnerable group#i really hope this person is just a 15 year old edgelord. i see way too many adults like this tho#especially on reddit lmao that website is such a cesspool
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
