#I love my dad and I miss him every day
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There are many things you won’t know about your dad’s funeral until you’re there. There will be balloons forgotten on the floor, tables of food no one has an appetite for. Every cake on a plate chosen weeks before, while you wait in a parlour for the autopsy report. Getting in the car is the final stop, he’s already ashes in a ribboned box. His sister tells a story which spurs a few more, and he’s so present you don’t remember he’s gone. A hundred questions asked of you, a dozen knowing looks, later all you remember is the smell of the wood. Rounds of drinks climb high among friends, and late that evening the funeral will end. His death will not. Everyone drives home and you’re left on your own. The house is quiet.
#february 5th was a Friday afternoon#it was three weeks before my 12th birthday#i should’ve been in maths at 2pm#everyone wore a piece of yellow liked we’d asked#and I didn’t eat any of the cakes#so much has changed and so little has#I love my dad and I miss him every day#grief
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going a little insane thinking about that one echo in moxxi's heist that's jack calling his mom on mother's day- a call she very much does not answer- and how much the sadness in his voice when saying goodbye says about him
#borderlands#handsome jack#borderlands 3#dude i love moxxi's heist so much it fed us jack and Timothy lovers SO good#he MISSES his MOM :((((#like this opens up so many questions#did she show back up in his life after she abandoned him?? after he became ceo?? after his name became known as a monster??#does she know hes dead? that her granddaughter killed herself because of him? that he died crying and desperate to be seen?#did they talk at all or did she disown him completely once he first tasted blood?#did she watch the phone ring in silence every time he called her waiting for it to stop so she could breathe?#did they both dread mother's day and birthdays and funerals as much as the other? did either of them know?#was she there to meet his wife- or his second- did she know about nisha? did he tell her? did he wish she was there?#did she mourn her mother knowing he was the one who ordered her to be murdered? did she know her mother abused him?#I Need To Know#gearbox please i am begging on my knees ANYTHING about his mom and his wife please please please#was he loving?? was he a good kid?? was he a good cook or a funny dad?? did he play in the mud or hide under his covers??#PLEASE#ANYTHING#I AM GOING INSANE#i have answers to All Of This in my head but like- any crumb of info about his family would feed me for months#am so normal about this man
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when we have to ask guys to buy us flowers as soon as it leaves our lips it ceases to be a romantic gesture but a chore and i hate it
#my dad would send me flowers every valentines day birthday graduation promotion anything#he passed in july and god i never missed seeing a daffodil on my birthday so much in my life#i really hoped my partner was going to get me flowers for our anniversary but he didnt#he shows his love in other ways yes of course but how many times do i have to talk about how much flowers mean to me for him to understand#hes not dumb hes a smart man so he should be able to make the connection#its not “mind reading” its paying attention#female hysteria#female manipulator#female rage#feminine rage#femcel#girl blogging#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#girl interrupted#girl interupted syndrome#gone girl
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I helped my oldest niece with her homework today and felt very Mother and then my youngest niece told me I was her best friend and it made me sob ☹️
#I usually hate when the oldest has hw bc the ppl in my house do nawt. know how to help her with it#not in the literal sense but like. patience and understanding#it’s literally a ‘IF JOHNNY HAD TWO APPLES’ situation like every time#but she asked me today and it was soooo calm and she got it done so fast without any misshape#MISHAPS binch#and the youngest niece is just such a sweetheart#despite the fact that she throat punched me the other day 😌#I love them bc they also inspire me to write more dad Katsuki stuff LOL#I had something in the drafts but I’ve been so stumped#I miss him tho :/#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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🌿 YELENA VORONIN (fo3) in the commonwealth, thrilled to at last have all her friends in one place to have the holiday party she’s always wanted!!!!!
🚄 MIKA MINEGISHI (bullet train) thrilled now that the man who stole her birthright has bit the dust.. now she’s spending all of his money! good for her!
🕰 EDELGARD VANDERWEYDEN (fernweh saga) visiting her family in germany for the holidays with reese! and still very adamant she is not head over heels. <3
🧥 ISIDORA VARGAS née dalí (call of duty) can’t stand holiday parties but her and alejandro invited the besties and her and her spouse have a contest for who’s the better gift giver and she will win.
TAGGED BY the darlings @risingsh0t, @jacobseed, @chuckhansen, @echo3-1, @shellibisshe, @leviiackrman and @jendoe to do the dears in this cutest meiker! ty ty! <3
TAGGING: @feystepped, @griffin-wood, @kingsroad, @aartyom, @unholymilf, @denerims, @arklay, @morvaris, @queennymeria, @adelaidedrubman, @marivenah, @florbelles, @phillipsgraves, @confidentandgood, @leondaltons, @thee-morrigan, @yennas, @jackiesarch, @veisshaupt and you!
#only if you want to! 🤍🕊#oc: yelena voronin#oc: mika minegishi#oc: isidora khalida dali#there she is! introducing bullet train dearie! she needs a cute operator name (I’m open to suggestions skjzjxh) but! she!#im a bit tardy so please feel free to pass if you’ve done this already!!!! ✨🤧🌿☺️#TOMORROW IS EDDIES BIRTHDAY HAPPY EARLY DAY M’DEAR 🤍🤍😖 so i had to include her in honor of that!#u deserve all of the cute danish pastries eddie m’love ✨😖#its like a whole contest every year between isi and ale sjjzhzh and she will! win!#its also likely the first holiday as well with the gang that she can bring ale to so the stakes are HIGH kssjhx#she thinks holiday parties are pretentious aksjxhxh queenie!#i will have the asoiaf babies in the next one i have 🤍😖🕯 featured the non fantasy babies for this onee!!#YOU STILL HAVENT FOOLED NOT A SOUL MY LOVE Kajzhxhx i mean the nonstop heart eyes at the funeral??? REMEMBER THAT EDDIE? ✨🤡🤍🥴 my baby!#mika THRIVING knowing that her plan worked (though not like she hoped she was looking to zero him herself but! it’s fine!)#and u know what! good for her! as she should! 🤍🤍☺️#i have a couple people in mind to set up with her hehe <3 (we can already assume one from the 🍊 aesthetics she has <3)#YELENAA babieeee! i miss her so much! her and the d*ragon a*ge dears ✨😖#this could also be so cute for no wasteland!yelena as well? a doctor helping people just like her dad in her canon and au 🤍🤍🥹🌿 YOU ANGEL YOU#leg.tagged#leg.ocs#t: picrews#OH THIS WAS SO CUUTE AHH ✨🥺 ty ty! totally not considering returning to this with like a modern au for the asoiaf babies u know? ✨👀🤍🥹#IM MOVING AT A SNAILS PACE CATCHING UP BUT AHH GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF U ✨🤧
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my dad is so cute he just sent me a video of the cats and i could see he was annoyed he couldnt pet them cuz he holds the phone with both hands so he just shoved the camera super close to their faces
#also this man has shown no emotion in his life i dont think#except anger#and an occasional laugh#or neutral#idk whats going on with that#but he loves sending me the 🥰 emoji#its in every message pretty much#also rhe rose emoji#i love my dad#as a kid i drew him super small and scared and i always rescued him#ill go home tmrw ig cuz i dont have enough money#but i dont wanna cuz my brother will be there :(#but i miss the cats#if not tmrw then the day after#but i rly wanna celebrate vappu#ig ill just rot at home cuz i cant go anywhere
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Gaslighting? In MY household? It’s more likely than you think
#sad pav hours#<- ‘tis my new vent tag. filter as needed#just pav things#I have experienced so many levels of Confusion today#I mean most of it just boils down to my dad being a dick for no good reason#what do I even do to him????? I yet again ask him this and he’s like#‘I live with you’. My mere existence causes him misery apparently#He says that I’m unlikeable. I say that people generally enjoy my whimsical disposition or just don’t care and ignore me#or in the case of [redacted] try to pacify me in neurotypical ways that only ended up hurting when I found out#instead of communicating that she didn’t want to be friends. Actually that was what my first vent post on here in 2021 was about#and very ironically it was the reason me and Dolphin became friends (random skribbl game my beloved ^^)#But I digress#Also I’ve already accounted for the fact of my future bosses probably disliking me and some people out there just by virtue of being human#but i’d like to believe I’m generally likeable??? I have so much evidence to prove this that the put-down just ends up confusing#Also the amount of name-calling is insane once you stop filtering it out#I can just casually be called stupid. again without any reason#and then people wonder why I have such low self-esteem sometimes#I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the family scapegoat. I live with 3 blood relatives who hate me.#Also ffs I’M NOT A FREELOADER!!!! STOP sAYING THAT#I understand the real world will be brutal I see the real effects of the cost-of-living crisis every day#I’m prepared to live frugally to survive so stop saying i will be shook 😭 i’m fuckign ready to leave as soon as I have enough savings#and a place to stay. I’m done here. Except for the dogs I will always love and miss them 😭😭😭
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looking back on all my y7 comics is so funny but now im compelled to organize them 'chronologically' and see what that looks like
#snap chats#i also wanna stick em in a book... nay.. i shant...#Point Is LOL#sorry just saw my fave masada| comic of mine and was like#'oh this is before arakawa gets necked isnt it thats hilarious'#but then i realized before THAT wouldve been aoki asking jo to kill arakawa#all things ive done comics of#so now im just sitting here thinking 'how many y7 comics HAVE i done and how many of them can i organize in order'#sounds like it could be funny....#ok my tummy hurt by. i have one more comm to do and then uhhh#idk the demons are whispering to me to play SADX </3#'snap what happened to shadow' i am taking a BREAK i love my son but i also have to play Relatively The Same Route#like 28 times ok. i need to look at something else for a hot minute#ALSO I MISS MY CHAOS I WANNA SAY HI TO THEM#awful so for the past couple days my dads been calling me Every Day#i called him like Twice this past two weeks which is a LOT more than usual#and every time i did i was always crying or whatever so ig he was finally like 'lmao wait.... we should call more often....'#and now we do so im happier now :) i forget why this is relATE DI REMEMMERB#ITS BECAUSE EVERY TIME HE GOES TO HANG UP HE'LL BE LIKE 'laters :) One More Thing--'#LIKE OLD MAN YOU SAID BYE ALREADY but then i realize... of course.. im doing the exact same thing...#ok bye fr this time BYE
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Had a dream about............... three of them <3
#no but it was so lucid and it's the first dream i've had about them in literal years#we just vibed and messed around and they were so in-character i just 🥺#🍝👄#🦆📋#🎨🌻#🚦🏠#putting up my little banner feels almost like a dog muzzle so no one assumes i'm a 'threat' to them is a little.......... sad?#because when i see the trio i don't see a child and two adults. two dads and a son. i see three silly puppets that i love dearly#i'd 'pretend' to see them like that without even knowing i saw them differently#because seeing the fandom made me think 'well i must be crazy then. best try to be like them'#but that hurt me. inside. a lot.#like playing 'creep' nonstop hurt it was that bad xfghfdfgh#i can joke on it now because there are more who just see silly puppet men now.#but bAcK iN mY dAy there was this person who thought they were all that because they were popular in 2015#saying that if you saw yellow as anything other than a helpless little baby you don't deserve to be in the fandom and should just not exist#assuminng that EVERY person who does that just does to partake in pr*shitty actions and not actually see him as ageless or an adult#duck and red i know would be fine to have as f/o's but yellow kinda made my head spin with the Logic of it all#but dhmis doesn't HAVE logic.#the trio's faces are on missing posters of cartons of milk#reserved for children#and yet they have debt. a joint lawyer. yellow partakers in gambling and ages the same as red.#and yet he loves his dad and holds his hand and loves spaghetti#and 38 is a a joke that goes both ways#so your honour i declare this man boy puppet to be whoever you want him to be because Becky says he's an 'everyman'. or 'everyboy'.#or just 'everypuppet'.#sorry to rant at 7:30 in the morning but this has been stuck in my chest for a whole darn year.#there are others like me out there. some are good some enforce their ideas. some are just lying to condone their lewds.#and i see people go around saying 'yeah we can win this' or 'we're TRUTHERS' no.... i'm so sorry. but you're not.#and even if you are do you think it's even fair? what if it were the other way around? would you still be as petty as you were?#not that everyone is out to get me or people similar to me. most of my dhmis mutuals do indeed see them as two dads and a son
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hheeeuuurrgghppbbtttt
#my dad messaged me today sayin’ he hopes to see me soon and it honestly ruined my day luke#like please leave me alone ://////#then some general normal Every Day BS happened at work and I just had to dip I almost walked off the job no word to my sups#Just makes me think of my mom which#i feel more justified after it I guess ‘cause she’s the one who allegedly approves the messages her husband sent me when we had our fight#tbh life is better w/o her messaging me daily like I spent basically all of 2023#wanting to cut her off and she gave me even the lightest reason to do it so i did and it’s been nice#the pointless guilt I felt for not wanting to see my family has turned into general resentment and annoyance#i don’t even miss her or him like I straight up just don’t want to see my blood relatives they’re not family to me they’re just people#i happen to share genes with like if you really wanted to build a relationship with the person#you forced into this stupid world then maybe you shouldn’t have been such insufferable assholes for the first 18 years#i spent most of my conversations with them over the phone last year basically just saying life sucks and that i want to kill myself#I need them to feel bad for conceiving me i need them to regret it#my cousin Aaron has the right idea tbh like last I heard he wasn’t talking to my uncle or anyone w/ blood relations really#following in his footsteps. I legit just got so full of rage and frustration when my dad messaged me it’s been like 3 weeks since we spoke#it was so obvious that I didn’t like my mom growing up everyone knew it and berated me for it like how am i supposed to accept that?#How am I supposed to take the hate and anger she exhibit and put out there in that unhappy home#and turn the hate and anger her and her family felt towards me for not loving her#and turn that into love? How am I supposed to turn unending anger and hatred and bitterness and just be like ‘yeah i love you’#I love my parents in the sense that I am familiar w/ them and they have had a constant presence in my life up this point and when I was like#8y/o I had some pretty good times w/ my dad that were DIRECTLY related to my mom being out of the house#my mom was just so abusive to that man for 20+ years#and he took the love I had for him and made me hate him by just shoving jesus down my throat#We used to have CONVERSATIONS he & I but then he got his head stuck so far up his ass that he couldn’t see#how he was just ruining everything. Me: Hey so this thing thats goin on?#him: haha yeah that thing thats been goin on!! You know what tho#[starts pitching JC to me again]#that was all I could get from him from 12-18/19#he killed whatever relationship we had together and now it’s a decade later and I have no interest in talking to him#I don’t care to try and rebuild. I don’t want to rebuild anything with him I don’t want him to want that either
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Round of applause for Alex, I’m going to bed before 1am 👏👏👏👏
#well after I put on my pyjama it will probably be 1am but that’s still great for me jcndjdnd#will I fell asleep before 4 am though ? still have to found out 🤪#please wish me luck im’ exhausted my body is in ruin#also please send someone to beat up my neighbours if they start playing their music before 11am#cause they are capable of doing so and you are all probably aware of how loud they fucking are I said it enough time 😭#i hate them so much#they probably gonna make me up at 11 like all day this week cause idk what they are doing but it’s like they are dropping a bowling ball#every 5 minute in the room above me I’m tired#you probably think i exaggerate but I’m not i never met anyone as loud as they are I can’t even believe it myself#my dad had enough and left a note on their door translated cause they woke up my mom at like 6-7am the same way to the point she yelled and#hit the ceiling which we never done cause we don’t want problems we want peace 😭#but if they still continue to be as loud it’s gonna be a call to the landlord cause the neighbour above them is also tired of the music#and if we call the landlord they will be force to move out cause it’s their 3rd warning since they moved here 😅#and they only moved her in like April ??? pretty sure the previous one moved in April idk but I miss him so much I want him back 💔#anyway Goodnight it’s gonna turn 1 am in 5 minutes love y’all 💓#well fast edit they are doing right what they are doing on the morning so I don’t think I’ll be sleeping for a while unless the fact#that I’m exhausted take control of my body 🤪#I jumped 3 times in 5 minutes 🤪#alex.txt
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bumble stop showing me people I know irl challenge
#aAAAUUGH#rrr#look the math major was... fine. he's cute and i don't not want to date him#my high school friend who just came back to town is also fine#they're cute and even if nothing happens it'll be nice to talk to them again. i missed them!#BUT NOW#THE SON OF MY DAD'S CO-WORKER#whom i briefly fell in love with when we were like 12 because we were the only two kids not 18 or 7 at a party#whom played the same instrument as me in high school (but better)#whom is only one year younger but two years behind me in school (aka BABY)#WHY#BUMBLE WHYY#he's a he/they now. that's kinda hot but also BABEY#he def matched with me because I've seen him every time i've opened bumble for the last several days#idk if he remembers me. he seems like the type of guy who let his friends make and run an account for him#hmmm maybe i'll match just to relieve the High School years#hell. i am in hell.
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boys be mad asl when i don’t giggle n tehe n show cute emotions like bitch my wounded inner child just got done drunk sniveling begging for daddy not to yell n hate her while her intoxicated narcissistic father screamed n gaslit her until she dissociated to euthymic plane 🙄🙄🙄
#‘trauma dumping’ eat my shorts loser assholss#so funny he said if my narcissistic sociopathic insane brother killed himself then it’s ‘goodbye to the rest of y’all too’#like ohhhhh so ur eldest daughter n youngest son don’t mean jack fuckjn shit to u right??? lmfao lolll#yeah just go rot with that selfish egotistic psycho while ur 15yr old son who lost his mom at 7yrs old#i want to strangle my fuckjgnf dad sometimes he’s so cruel n said so many mean things to me#he always has to defend my middle brother ‘he’s depressed what if he kms’ like???#my middle brother literally manipulates tf out of my dumbass emotionally unintelligent father he’s tearing this family apart#meanwhile i never planned on seeing 18 nor living past 22 n now i have to go exist n find a job when i never thought i’d have to do this sh#shit ever b. i was supposed to#be dead 4 years ago lololllll#god forbid i tell him that or my plan to kms at 27 lollll#so worried abt a fucking LOST SOCIOPATH SEFISH NARCISSITIC CAUSE ur gonna make me and my baby brother suffer?? as orphans ??#my dad n i used to get breakfast every sunday in middle school n talk abt life n drive around after n those days meant the world to me#i never realized how much i missed them. how much i looked forward to him saying he’d call me while i’m away at college#but my middle brother egosticizl fuck is like ‘lolyh i just nod n say what dad wants me to hear’ when my dad is trying so hard to save him f#my dad admitted to neglecting my lil bro lol it makes me so fkcing angry he doesn’t give af abt us#says ‘im worth more im the ground than i am alive’ n my inner teen bursts into tears bc she experienced that already#yeah moms life insurance money was so fun!! until it ran out bc of college n impulsive manic spending n the materialistic thrill never laste#i want to hate him but i can’t even deny i love him so much he hurts me and everyone i love and disappoints us all n we still care for him#he’s letting my brother fuckjgn kill him literlaly my dad is physically sick bc of my sociopath narcissistic bros drama#he blames me for not going to him n telling him abt my ‘’mental issues’ as if i didn’t have to grow up n become mom the day after my 16th#i am my mothers child he didn’t know anything abt our childhoods until she died and he had to step up n parent us himself#he doesn’t know what it means to be a parent he shouldn’t be a parent but oh fuckjgn well oh my god WE ARE YOUR KIDSMWE NEED YOU WH#WHY CANT YOU SHOW US YOU CARE WHEN WE ALL HAD TO LEARN ALL WE HAVE IS OURSELVES#i am so angry he tried to throw me under the bus abt not having a job as a new grad nurse instead of my brother for dropping out everything#ur son wants to drop his ap classes bc he procrastinated n doesn’t wNna do the work so now he’s manipulating u to let him quit#i am just not exiting the identity crisis coming to terms w the fact that i’m 22yrs old n alive n need to start living n working#tonight was a shitshow but the ending calmed down but i couldn’t stop crying sniveling whimpering when dad yelled#yelled n accused n attacked me n chose to defend my middle bro over me like..he’s trying to kill u n i freaked out bc stepmom said u cut#ramblings
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Go and hide and run away
Run away, run and find something better
Go and ride the sun away
Run away like it's simple
Like it's right
Jamie is over, and where can I turn?
Covered with scars, I did nothing to earn
Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn
But that wouldn't change the fact
That wouldn't speed the time
Once the foundation's cracked
And I'm
Still hurting
#music#musicals#still hurting#the last five years#tl5y#going through and trying to get rid of things when I’m ridiculously sentimental#but I have to downsize and half the things have tainted memories attached now#and I still can’t rationalize who I thought he was with who he turned out to be#thanks dad for making everything so fucking hard#finding cards full of lies and lanyards from the comedian we saw that I’ve never been able to watch again#after you did what you did that day that made it a horrible time without mom who should have been able to go with us but you exploded#having to part with other relics of my childhood that feels so far away now that I’d been holding onto#trying to rationalize hanging onto the ones that I am even though there will be no space for them now#do you know how many times I’ve had a breakdown over you since you did what you did?#because I see now. I see that that was always you and I didn’t realize how much more guarded I should’ve been.#but part of me misses my innocent ignorance. misses thinking you could love and be loved despite it. not knowing why you were how you were.#why couldn’t you be the person I thought you were. the one I looked up to as a kid and followed around with my plastic tools#until I got old enough and sick enough of you yelling at me that I got so self conscious of every fucking mistake I made#and figured it wasn’t worth trying anymore. why I’m so anxious. why I say sorry too much.#do you know you gave your attitude to your son too? I hope you didn’t give him your inclinations and lies too.#I know you gave me your attitude. I’m trying to be better than that. but it’s hard when that’s what you know.#how does it feel? getting that right back at you now? finally facing the consequences?#but then we are all facing the consequences of your decisions. while you’re sitting pretty having your cake and eating theirs too.#you probably don’t even care. Jamie is probably feeling just fine. and I’m still hurting.#Spotify#(I should clarify. bc reading it back sounds sketch. when I said about his son I meant my brother. my brother has his attitude and more.)
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i know link ended a million months ago, but i just finished the last ep hehe
i love being a fan of yeo jingoo because the drama genres he chooses are my favs!! link had the fantasy, the murder mystery, the comedy, checks all my boxes and yjg never disappoints <3 moon gayoung is SUCH a great actress (so pretty i literally had a crush the entire show) and i'm so happy that i met her through this drama, their performance was amazing and again, right up my alley <3 crying on cue is a technique i deeply respect and this drama had a lot of it, i kept repeating scenes again and again i was obsessed. i adore yjg's expressiveness, i'm so glad he picked up this role <3 overall i love these hets and i miss jingoo already, ditto pls come out already
#the final ep made me so emotional#yjg's performance was amazing#but two of my fav scenes are the last time gyehoon saw his dad and when they found gyeyoung and his dad's bodies#the way they showed the off-feeling he had that day was so good#i was kinda expecting for him to be the one to find them but he's traumatized enough i understand 😭😭#it was still so heartbreaking#i wished the dad was be alive but at least the mom recognized her faults#not that emotionally abusing him for almost two decades was okay. at all. but he deserves to hear that apology#i do miss jingoo so much i miss his posts every day a new ep came out :((#okay this is my end of show rant ty for tuning in <3#link: eat love kill#rant#the english in this post is terrible but bear with me my brain is literally mush rn
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Dad saying “get back on your own bed” in a way that Could be seen as snappy and shooing me and me smiling up at him and saying “not movin if you don’t say please” is...probably a pretty good snapshot as to why I get along with him better tbh
#personal#him: sweetest darling daughter of mine can you Please Get Your Ass Off My Bed#me grinning: there now was that so hard#we both laughed#look i never said my dad's always Nice i just said he's the one i get along with#-shrug emoji-#i can always shrug shit off a bit better than the kids but also me and mom are uh...#ye.yeah so there's that#i love my dad i didnt miss him Every Day but gawd i did miss him#....#'they had a good heart but That Mouth' tho lmao
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