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#I love him so much he’s the reason I haven’t gone insane yet
espikola · 3 months
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plutoswritingplanet · 2 years
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White Rabbit (Peter Ballard x Female!Reader)
PART 2
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a/n: how close can i get to writing monsterfricking before being called a monsterfricker?
Warnings: NON-CON (nothing too explicit, but still, be warned, be safe), bathroom-donging (once again), extensive use of a 80′s rock song as a plot device
Summary: Vecna’s Curse finally comes to take what’s his. Only thing is, he doesn’t look like the monster your friends described. 
Edit: Y'all are actually insane for giving this fic so many notes. There will be part two, most certainly, after the finale comes out. I will tag everyone in notes and in my askbox. With peace and love, what the fuck
There is a clock, ticking inside your head. It's sound filling every crevice of your brain, seeping into every fiber of your being, rattling every bone in your body until you're unable to move. You know what it means, you've seen what comes after it. The mutilated corpses of a cheerleader and that press kid are burned into your consciousness. Then, Max, floating above the graveyard, her blue eyes rolled grotesquely into the back of her head.
You haven't told anyone, as the team runs around Hawkins, looking for any clues that could help them stop Vecna's Curse.
Speaking of which, you are yet to see the abomination causing your imminent demise. It terrifies you to your very core, but under that overbearing feeling, there is another one. Curiosity. Danger feels heavy on your shoulders, and you love it, the thrill it gives you. Besides, shall things go south, you have a recorder by your side, "White Rabbit" by Jefferson's Airplane recorded on a small cassette, ready for trouble. "You can do this", is a mantra you've been telling yourself for hours now, you can survive.
The Wheeler house is lively with worried chatter, parents lamenting over their kids, in trouble again, and with the Hawkins Police nonetheless. You're sitting in the living room, head hanging low, fingers pulling at the hem of your shirt, which is currently covered in stains of various origin. Moss, mud, some blood, although you don't know where it came from. All the fault will undoubtedly fall on your shoulders. Being the only adult on scene, the only one getting caught. You curse under your breath, thinking of your friends, old and new, currently stuck in the Upside Down. Leaving you to handle everything else on the surface.
It has been a hassle, the interrogation. You got put into a stuffy room with Officer Calahan, who was strangely excited at the prospect of potentially locking up a bunch of kids, for whatever reason. It won't happen, obviously, but you're not here to break his bubble. He asks you questions with an aura of sarcastic authority, giving you patronizing nods, whenever you answer. You want to punch him, not only because your friends are currently in mortal danger, and you could do so much more to help them, if he'd just let you out. There is also the sound of a ticking clock, coming from behind his back, and the suspense drives you insane.
And a spider. Fat and dangerous, it traverses the expanse of the man's shoulder, but when you blink, it's gone.
- Can I use the bathroom? - you ask, voice barely containing all the emotions you were feeling.
The Officer looks at you, startled, as you had just interrupted another one of the monologues. He blinks, as you turn your head, and blinks again, processing your words.
- Yeah - he sounds dumbfounded.
Before the man can say anything more, you bolt out of the room, to the corridor basked in warm light of the ornate chandelier. The ticking is louder here, seemingly just a smidge away from your ear, and slowly, as if not to startle the hallucination, you turn your head left. There, on a cream wall, where normally a lovely family photo of the Wheeler's would hang, you find a round face of a grandfather's clock, staring back at you. One hand comes to life, lazily sliding from one minute to the other, a rusty clank of the mechanism filling your ears. There is a sinking feeling in your stomach, as you force your eyes away from the clock.
The world spins around you, as you fall through the bathroom door, closing it behind you. Your hands shake, as you reach for the recorder, fingers fumbling around the headphones you hastily pull over your ears. One click later, and a familiar base enters your brain, the sound of the clock barely recognizable beneath the drums.
- One pill makes you larger - you mutter under your breath, leaning heavily on the sink.
You try to control your breathing, focus on the steady rise and fall of your chest, still muttering the lyrics, like a prayer. The feeling persists, however, and you begin to sway in your place. The mirror shows your disheveled reflection in an almost mocking manner. Hair is sticking to your sweaty face, there are tears framing your eyes, and you're ghastly pale, worryingly so. Unable to focus, you close your eyes, shutting your eyelids tight. trying to block out everything but the music. Specks of light dance beneath your eyelids, and you try to follow their irregular paths, anything to bring you back.
Yet, that ticking sound is persistent, almost impatient. Waiting for the song to end. And with a click of finality, it does. Your heart jumps to your chest, as silence finally engulfs you. Your right hand flies to the Cassette player, fingers immediately finding the rewind button. Your eyes stay shut, as you listen to the whirling of the tape. And the ticking, always the ticking. Finally, it stops. A breath of relief shakes you.
- Don't play it again.
Your eyes fly open, as you give a startled gasp. The bathroom is empty, only your wracked figure reflected in the mirror. But something is wrong, you can feel it at the base of your neck, where the hairs stand up on guard. It doesn't feel like the Upside Down, doesn't look like it too, and yet, you can't shake the ever present sensation of indescribable dread.
Slowly, your fingers skim the play button, the plastic ridges dig into your skin, as you press down.
Then, something catches your hand. Delicately, like it's holding a flower.
You nearly scream, thrashing in the bathroom, turning harshly towards the shower, nails digging into the porcelain edge of the sink. Empty. Nothing.
Your heart stammers out of your chest, blood rushing through your ears in a suffocating display of panic. And the clock keeps ticking.
You're terrified now, properly. Screw all feelings of curiosity from earlier, you're pretty sure you can live without knowing. And so, even more feverishly, you fumble with the recorder, finally hitting the play button so hard, you nearly break your finger. The drums start again, and as the base joins it, you fall to your knees onto the floor, breathing heavily with relief.
- God - you sigh - Why me?
- Why you, indeed...
His voice is barely audible through the music, but you still feel it crushing through your skull. Your body freezes, as you glance up from the floor. There, just centimeters from you, stands a pair of white shoes. At least you think they're white, as the image keeps flickering in and out of existence, like a glitch on a homemade videotape. Your eyes drag up, over slender legs clad in white pants, white shirt tucked into them. Then, you finally see him. An angelic face looking at you from above. Beautiful, blue eyes, sharp features and lovely lips, all surrounded by a halo of blonde waves. An angel, truly.
You blink, and his image shifts out of existence just for a second.
- Who are you? - your voice sounds foreign in your ears, barely recognizable over the music
The man smiles a gentle smile, before kneeling down in front of you. His hands slowly creep towards yours, cradling them in a hold that is so warm and comforting, you want to melt into it without question. His eyes are so incredibly blue, it takes your breath away. And yet, despite the whirlwind of emotions, you can't stop staring into them. The man lifts your joined hands towards his lips. There isn't even a ghost of a breath, fanning your knuckles, as he places a kiss onto the bone. His image shifts again, violently, and a new feeling of slow dread creeps up your spine.
Then, a shadow passes through him, the kind facade falling into something much darker, much more sinister.
- I'm your worst nightmare - he smiles, teeth on full display, sharp and pointy.
You try to free your hands with a  yank, but he holds them close with little to no force, eyes leaving your face in favor of studying the way veins move beneath your skin.
- I have many names - he says, his voice is calm and melodic - Henry - his lips brush the outside of your left wrist - Peter - a swift kiss is placed onto the tips of your finger - One...
He lingers for a bit at the juncture between your thumb and your pointer, and you still feel no breath coming from him.
- Although, the name your friends have given me has a nice ring to it - he looks up, capturing you again with those blue eyes of his.
- Vecna - your voice comes out as a mere whisper, one you can't even hear amongst the song, slowly, but without stopping, coming to an end.
Suddenly, the man stands up, and you feel yourself being pulled up to your feet as well. It's not gentle at all, and you nearly trip, before finding your balance. Faster than you can comprehend, the man turns you around, so you're facing the mirror. You can see him fully now. He's almost a head taller than you, slender and elegant. Not at all the monster you have imagined, not the one Max told you about. He peers at your reflection, towering over you in his clean, white clothes.
- My name means very little to me now - he says again, hand coming up to tuck your hair behind, exposing your neck to him - I am very particular about the names of my victims, however - another smile has you shaking, as his wondering hands press slightly on your pulse.
You can't move, your legs feel heavy, like someone tied them down with rocks. Your heart is beating so fast, you can feel it in your throat, where his fingers drum delicately over your skin, to the beat of the song still keeping you alive.
- Chrissy - he hisses into your hair - Sounds sweet like candy, and in a way, that's how she tasted.
A shiver wrecks your body, as images of the Cheerleader's body flood your mind. Her eyes, sucked into her skull, her limbs in disarray.
- Fred - you can feel his hands on the insides of your arms, fingers dragging over your veins - Intelligent, although slightly tart, like unripe apples.
Your head starts to spin, breaths escaping you in quick puffs. They found Fred in the middle of the road, alone, abandoned, mutilated.
- Patrick - he dips his head into the crook of your shoulder, nose sliding up, towards your ear - Stern, but full of life, reminded me of walnuts.
"When logic and proportion, have fallen sloppy dead" the singer wails, and you know, your time is coming to an end. A small whimper escapes you, as slender arms encircle your frame, pushing your back into his body.
- Max - there is a spark of rage at the mention of your friends name, one, he catches in your reflection with a raised eyebrow - Strong, youthful, like mint. When I heard your name amongst thousands, I knew, you'd taste wonderful.
Your entire body starts to writhe, as the man gives your neck a long lick of his tongue, starting from your shoulder, up to the back of your ear.
- Oooh - he laughs to himself, as you watch him in the mirror, still unable to move - There is some kick to you, I can tell. Like hot peppers.
He dives down again, placing open-mouthed kisses to your feverish skin, teeth just barely scraping your pulse point.
- A name like this should be savored. This guilt you feel should be savored.
"Feed your head" the woman sings, the song swelling in your ears, so close to the end, you start to shake. As if on cue, the man slowly reaches up, his fingers tangling themselves into your hair, as he pushes them under your headphones. It takes one move, for the plastic to fall from your head, clattering to the ground.
Your eyes meet in the mirror as sudden silence engulfs the both of you. There is a victorious smirk playing around on his lips, as his right hands starts to twirl your hair around his finger. He rubs the strands, like he's sampling a fabric, bafore bringing them closer to his nose, and taking a long whiff of air.
- ...Or maybe cinnamon - me sighs, eyebrows scrunching together.
- Are you going to kill me now?
Again, images of broken bones and mutilated corpses fill your mind, you can almost imagine the wet cracking.
The man laughs, stepping away from your trembling body for just an inch, the loss of his body behind you makes you sway in place. There's this weird flickering glitch running over his figure, intensifying for a moment. He takes a long breath, you can see muscles work under any visible sliver of skin, and as he relaxes again, his form stabilizes.
That is when you realize, what you're looking at isn't real. He isn't real. This angelic, terrifying boy is just an illusion, a hallucination, meant to lull you into a false sense of security. And it almost works. Almost, because as you focus more on his eyes, they seem to become less blue, and more milky and veiny. More like a monster.
- Guilt is a fickle thing - his voice is lower, more raspy than before.
His head dips down behind you, and he plants a wet kiss to the base of you neck, teeth scraping against your skin in a way, that wrenches a whine out of your lips.
Your stomach churns with a feeling sitting too close to arousal, as his large hands begin to explore your body further.
- It never leaves, not truly. And you have so much of it. - a hand digs itself into your hip, then slides up, leasing the edge of your shirt.
- Stop.
He doesn't, fingers creeping under the fabric, squeezing the soft tissue there.
- You're supposed to protect your brother, but he keeps getting hurt on your watch. How many bones does he have to break? How many times have you failed him?
Tears spring to life in the corners of your eyes, as you try to turn away from your reflection. He's faster though, and grabs your chin, forcing you to look back to the mirror. Then, he cranes your chin to the side, forcefully, so that your face is closer to him.
- Those kids you've taken under your wing, I will devour them all, and you'll watch - he seems unmoved by your sobs, whispering the words into your wet cheek - Your father, poor father, never had the chance of seeing how much of a disappointment you really are.
His lips are soft as he kisses your tears away, tasting the saltiness with a grin. Like a chef, proud of his most delicious meal.
- I see it all, sweetness - the hand digging into your stomach climbs up, over your ribs, stopping just short of the underside of your breast.
- Please... - a choked sob escapes you, as your body tries to free itself from his iron hold.
- Shhh - he shushes you, you can't feel his breath on your lips, when he gives you a chaste kiss.
For that matter, you can't feel anything, that would suggest you're being held by a living being. There is no rise and fall to his chest, no smell, no heartbeat.
His form starts to flicker yet again, and suddenly, you feel something definitely not human sliding and swirling behind you. A constantly moving mass holds you in place and instinctively, you screw your eyes shut. You don't want to know how he looks like in reality, mind focusing back on the angelic man from before. Now, you can feel him breath, a low rumble starts in his gut everytime he inhales, like a beast ready to pounce.
- It takes - the voice coming from behind you is gruff and monstrous - A considerable amount of strength to keep this image in place.
Slowly, with every word, the man's voice comes back to the normal, melodic tone. The shifting mass on your back seizes its movements, and slowly, you allow yourself to crack an eye open.
Blue eyes, sharp cheekbones and a halo of blonde hair stare back at you in the mirror's reflection. He gives out a small chuckle, shakes his head slightly, and bends down to take another long sniff of your hair.
- There's no need for you to see my real form - he mutters into the crown of your head - After all, it's not your fear I'm after.
His hands move with unexpected speed, as the both slide upwards, under your shirt, to cup roughly at your breasts. The sound you give out is pathetic at best, as this sliver of friction sets your whole body ablaze.
- It's your guilt - he forces out through his teeth, giving your breasts another sharp squeeze.
Before you have the time to actually understand the implications behind his words, you body is being pressed forwards. The ceramic edge of the sing digs painfully into the meat of your thighs, but the feeling is swallowed completely by a slender hand worming it's way into your pants.
Your entire body rocks back and forth, as the man, Peter, Vecna, plunges two long digits into you without warning.
You feel a raw whine climb out of your throat, as you clench around his fingers, hands flailing at your sides, looking for any sort of purchase. He lets you lean on him completely, one hand massaging your breast, before abandoning it in favor of gripping your pulse.
He works you steadily and greedily, pulling sounds out of you, you'd have never imagined were possible. It feels sick, your stomach tightens into a growing coil, as the rythmic pumping shakes you to your bones.
- I...please - your words come out slurred, as your vision swims around your head.
He chuckles, seemingly unaffected, and presses his thumb down on your pulsing bundle of nerves. The sudden jolt of pleasure wrenches a scream out of you, one, he swallows, forcefully craning his neck, and pressing his lips to yours.
The kiss hurts, plain and simple. His lips, despite being pillowy soft, bite into yours with force you've never experienced in your life. Then, teeth appear, raking abused flesh, tongue forcing it's way into your mouth. It's too much, the whole thing starts to feel less like a nightmare, and more like an execution.
Your lungs scream for more oxygen, the tightening in your stomach accompanied by the sharp pain in your chest. And just when you truly think, this is how you are going to die, something entirely unexpected happens.
"One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small"
The song enters your brain like a dose of adrenaline, waking you from your stupor. Immediately, the hand toying with your insides, retracts, leaving you unfulfilled and disappointed. The emptiness carries, as his mouth detach from yours. You can't open your eyes, you refuse to do so, too overwhelmed to see.
- Remember this - the man says into your ear, his words slowly being drowned out by music - Remember this feeling, when I come for you again.
With that, you're being released, your limp body falling down onto the floor, where you're met with gentle hands of your friends cradling you.
- Jesus, we though you were a goner! - Lucas nearly screams in your face, as you try your best to focus on the kid's features.
- Yeah! You were flying under the ceiling - Dustin shoves a finger up, and your glazed eyes follow, looking at an unidentified spot above your head.
- Why didn't you tell us? - Max is gripping your shoulders so hard, you're sure it will leave a mark.
The kids, your kids, look at you with terrified faces, as you try to stand up, bones heavy, muscles trembling with unresolved tension.
- Didn't want to worry you guys...
It's a weak excuse, and right now you're not even sure if it's true. Dustin mutters something about you being an adult idiot, and in your heart you can't disagree with him.
- Just - Max slowly let's go of your arm - Keep the headphones on.
With that, the gang makes their way out of the bathroom, you following right after them. The coil in your stomach dies down, and with it, new, overbearing feeling arises in your chest.
Guilt. Crushing guilt of wanting something so wrong you can never recover from it.
And beneath the familiar drums, and the voice, and the guitar, you hear a gentle sound of a ticking clock.
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klarolinexluv · 4 months
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Y’all I had another fanfic idea.
Jegulus acquaintances (like oh yeah he exists type shit)
to enemies (regulus is a death eater, James is in the order. But it’s like proper enemies. Regulus has it out for James and James kinda just likes the attention but doesn’t know why)
to hate fuckers (where Regulus has James pinned to the wall of an alleyway at wand point where James went to apparate away. He doesn’t get to obviously and James just smiles and flirts and riles Regulus up so much that he just snaps and kisses the ever loving shit out of James. They don’t fuck here, no no, Regulus runs away and leaves James with a lot to think about. The hate fucking comes a lot later when the two find themselves locked in a duel. They are probably in the middle of the woods somewhere and their back up is no where in sight. Regulus eventually finds himself pressed against a tree, his wand held at James throat ready to use it, but James just smiles and leans closer to whisper in his ear, “I haven’t stopped thinking about you.” And if that doesn’t send Regulus spiralling… anyway so they kiss again and this the hate fucking begins.)
to “I still hate you but I don’t” (sort of push and pull. They keep ‘accidentally’ being in the same place at the same time. In public, Regulus hates James’ guts, he is also in denial and so far gone for James but James is in a similar position, he hates that Regulus is a death eater but gods if Regulus isn’t the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on…)
to reluctant friends who fuck (after Regulus discovers Voldemorts secret. The horcruxes and is so disgusted not only with Voldemort but also himself that he seeks out James willingly. Sending him an owl to meet and if he doesn’t come alone Regulus will do indescribable things to the people he cares about. So James goes and finds Regulus pacing manically and James does what he does best and helps him calm down. Regulus doesn’t want to talk about it, not yet but he has realised that James isn’t so bad and then they fuck because Regulus is only a man.)
to “I would kill for you” “I’d let you” (Its a war, James morally grey is my love idc. James would just tell Regulus that there is a spy in the order and Regulus would say that and James would be like, “yeah okay, fair enough, do it.” So not only does Regulus have his super secret mission about finding these fucking horcruxes without Voldemort knowing, he also has to find and kill the spy - which he is all too happy to do. He also doesn’t question why he feels so strongly about keeping James safe and still remains in denial.)
to “I’d do anything for you” (they’d do anything for the other. James is sort of pulling away from the order because he misses Regulus so much and just can’t do the slipping away and the excuses and hiding things from his parents, his best friends, etc etc. He just wants Regulus, so he ends up buying an apartment that his friends don’t know about and asks Regulus to move in with him. Regulus says yes, for some reason that he doesn’t name but he does because he can’t stand to be in his mothers presence ((she’s probably going insane or something???)) so Regulus reasons that he said yes because he wants away from her but “not because I like James”.)
to lovers (where James just says I love you one day, sending Regulus into a crisis and a little panic when he all of a sudden names that feeling that he feels for James which is most definitely love. So he fucks James about it because “how dare you make me love you” and James just ahhhh he melts because angry Regulus who loves him??? Ahhh yes.)
Anyway, at some point Regulus would tell James about the horcruxes and how he has been hunting them and James helps him. James would drop all contact with his friends and family and just throw himself completely into loving Regulus (which is has come to realise he is insane about. Like he would also kill for Regulus.) he wouldn’t take the mark just because I think that’s a line he wouldn’t cross (or he could take it for Regulus because he is possessive and wants to share how crazy he is for him. Regulus ofc is the very same. Slightly more insane and Voldemort would live for it. Regulus and James, his right hand men. Bellatrix and other high ranking death eaters are like soooo jealous but Jegulus is untouchable basically.)
So yeah, James would take the mark for Regulus and they’d be the worst of the worst together all while tearing apart Voldemort’s empire from the inside.
They’d kill the death eaters off bit by bit. Dwindling their numbers but Voldemort already has the ministry under his control so he isn’t at all worried.
They also find all the horcruxes together, using the invisibility cloak when necessary. And destroy all of them.
That’s when he becomes worried.
The inner circle has a meeting. Regulus and James didn’t kill off any of the members apart of it. However, this particular meeting is being held at Grimmauld Place, unaware of the wards protecting Regulus and James (because Regulus added him to the protection wards whilst also removing everyone else so it’s just the two of them).
It’s at this meeting that Regulus and James reveal what they did. And they formally duel Voldemort. The rest of the death eaters stay out of it because their master told them to (much to Bella’s annoyance) and eventually, Regulus or James casts the final spell and kill the dark lord. Then ofc they kill of the inner circle. Bathing themselves in blood because who doesn’t love a bloody Jegulus.
Anyway, the two take Tom Riddles corpse and apparate to Potter Manor. Now since James is still the heir, they get past the wards.
“I’m home!” James would shout, walking into the living room finding his parents, wolfstar, pandamarylily, dorlene, with their wands out ready to defend themselves. That is until Regulus drops the dead body in the middle of the room.
Chaos, immediately. James and Regulus look at eachother and Regulus just laughs hysterically while James looks at Regulus like he wants to devour him.
So he does, once Regulus finishes laughing, the make out right over the corpse whilst people around them panic.
Regulus then takes James and they disappear into the night, never to be heard from again (or are they??)
So yeah, Dark Jegulus AU, enemies to lovers.
Yay I have another WIP ☹️✌️
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mediumgayitalian · 20 days
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oh my GOD I’m going through ur roadtrip playlist and am loosing my mind over fergalicious
like just imagining it coming on in the car
will being all jumpy and excited
and nicos like ??? wtf ?? is this???
and then the words start and will is spitting out every line all cocky and very animatedly singing to nico like blowing kisses to him with the track “muah muah”, doing little air hammer curls on each “i be up-in the gym- just workin- on my- fitness” and then reaches over motioning to nico “he’s my witness” just very sassy playful and soo so into it.
and nico would try to tease at first like “oh my gods will turn this off” but quickly become very flustered and entranced
i feel like either driving would be grEAT
it’s either nico trying to keep his eyes and attention on the road as will is singing and dancing and trying to rope him into it
or it’s will doing too much while driving, using one hand while the other is flailing about and he’s twisting all around but is still driving excellently, and nico kind of wishes he wasn’t because then he’d have a valid reason to shout at him to cut it out for real, because he’s not sure he’s going to live through the end of the song with the way the butterflies in his stomach are going insane, twisting almost as violently as will is dancing and he’s just rlly not sure he’s going to make it
and then the lil interlude + rap comes on
and nico’s gone for, he’s sure of it
and will’s oblivious
jumping to turn it up even more
so SO sassy
“honey get some patience, maybe then you’ll get a taaahste”
“taystay tastah”
nico is dying, and-
“-drama lil mama I don’ wan’ a take yur man”
is that his country accent??? slipping out?? yes- it is.
nico is simply,
dying.
will is having a blast though, in his own little word
except nico is fully in this world, because will is genuinely performing to him
and he might need to bury his face in his hands if the song doesn’t end soon
,,
i got waaay too carried away with this lmfao :,)
its so long??? im so sorry😭😭
i LOVE ur writing and i LOVE how u write them
so if u do this, ill eat it up in any way u do it
this is just me rambling as i listen to fergalicious over and over
thx for the stellar playlist
enjoying it lots
muah! muah!
LMFAO YES AGREED CONSIDER THIS CANON!!!! only tweaking it to add a detail i haven’t fully revealed yet — nico’s sister was killed because of a drunk driver when he was little. aside from jules-albert, he doesn’t EVER let anyone drive him around. will is v much passenger princess in that vehicle keeping nico thoroughly distracted lmfao
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Fluffy moments with tr guys
𝑻𝒘/𝑪𝒘: 𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒇𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔
𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔: 𝑴𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒚, 𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒚𝒖, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑩𝒂𝒋𝒊
𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒏𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍!  
Manjiro “Mikey” Sano:
It was another cold school afternoon in late October. The leaves were changing, and the sky was a gloomy grey color. You walked hand in hand with your boyfriend, Mikey, wearing poofy winter jackets to protect yourselves from the cold. It was funny, really. You knew Mikey so well that you predicted that he wouldn’t wear a jacket, even though it was freezing out. So, imagine the look on his face when he saw not one, but two jackets in your arms. You did not want to take care of a sick, delirious Mikey, or get scolded my Emma. 
 Mikey had actually come up with the idea, as he wanted to spend a little time with you and get some dorayaki along the way. The both of you were listening to music with your shared earbuds, Mikey talking about Toman and what they were going to next. 
“You have a lot of nerve dragging me out of my warm, cozy house just for some dorayaki you won’t share.”
You were right, as Mikey rarely shares his food with anyone, let alone you. Also, your bed house was so cozy that you didn’t want to get up to use the bathroom.But, if the excessive continued for another minute you would have gone insane. Now you were here, loosing feeling in your face as you walked with Mikey who was seemingly unaffected by the cold. 
“You love me.”
Mikey said smugly, swinging your hands back and forth like a little kid. A big smile spread across his face, and you took a minute to appreciate it. Even though it sounds cheesy, you always knew there was a reason why Mikey acted so childish. Being a gang leader wasn’t that easy, and you had to make a lot of hard decisions. You haven’t seen him in a while as they had been extra busy with their next fight, Mikey's eyebags evident of that. 
So, you started doing little things to help take the pressure of his shoulders. Getting him food when he seemed to not have time, helping and sometimes doing his school work, or just simply relaxing with him for the whole day and do nothing had proven useful in getting his energy back up. The two of you had reached the store, and got way more than just dorayaki and drinks. 
The two of you settled on a small bench at a park nearby, now with trees that had no leaves left on their branches. They were now in a neat pile behind the bench. Still, there were red, orange and yellow leaves on the ground. The two of you ate in silence, every so often making comments or telling the other something interesting that happened throughout the day. 
The two of you had decided to stay on the bench, watching as people walked by and drove of to their destination. Your head was laid on top of Mikey’s, who’s was laid on your shoulder.You had the urge to say something, yet paused in your mind for a minute. Finally finding the right words, you said it. 
“I’ll always be here for you, you know that right? You can, like, metaphorically trust fall and I’ll catch you.” 
You glanced at his face, his eyes filled with different emotions. At first his face was morphed into one of shock, then was it thankfulness? You didn’t know, as he quickly buried his face in your shoulder, and said two words. 
“Thank you.” 
Chifuyu Matsuno:
“Hey babe, can I throw my book out your window? Can’t promise it won’t hit anyone.” 
Chifuyu let out an air chuckle at your comment, knowing how much you hated math homework. It’s not like you were bad at it, it was just that you didn’t want to do it. No one ever said that homework was fun. Getting up from his spot at his desk Chifuyu walked over to you, essentially towering over you as you were sitting on his bed. 
“What question are you having problems with?”
You told him question 4, him looking it over for a minute. Even though the both of you had been dating for 3 months your heart still pounded in your chest with how close he was. You scooted back as you made room for him to sit in front of you as he began explaining the problem. Once he started talking though, his voice started to blend into the background. 
You observed ever little detail on his face that he had, like how he had such long lashes, longer lashes than yours. Or maybe it was the way his bedroom light was hitting his blue eyes, making them look like a shining gem. A pair of thin rimmed glasses sat up high on his nose, Chifuyu scrunching up his nose every so often to adjust them without using his hands. 
You next started to not so secretly stare at his lips. They may have been average looking lips to some people, but to you they were way more. They were the most softest lips you had ever kissed, you were jealous that you didn’t know his lip-care routine. You scrunched your eyebrows, leaning your face in your left palm as you stared at him more intently. 
“ello! Earth to [Name]! They’re thinking about food, aren’t they Peke J?”
Blinking multiple times, it was as if you had been broken out of a trance. You could now see that Peke J had wanted attention from one of you, and was now in Chifuyu’s lap..You rubbed your eyes, the end of the school day feeling that was oh so exhausting crashing down on you.You rubbed your eyes as you talked. 
“Shit, sorry. You’re just so pretty and I’m so tired I couldn’t pay attention.”
You could see your comment had made a small shift in his face, as it was one of a tiny shocked one. You had guessed he had ever been called pretty before, the slight red tint on his cheeks saying it all. He was like that for a few moments, staring at you bug eyed before coughing, suggesting that the two of you stop working on school work for the night. 
As both of you cleaned up all the papers, books, and other school supplies on the floor you could tell Chifuyu wanted to say something. There was always a small look on his face, like he was trying to figure out how to say something. Once everything was put away you sluggishly walked to the bed, patting the other side. 
He sat by you, pulling you into his side. You happily snuggled into it, along with pulling the blanket closer to the two of you. A random on m movie was playing in the background, simply just to make noise.
"You know, you randomly calling me pretty is going to be the end of me."
Chifyuy said. You hummed, as you closed your eyes with the intention of just resting them. But, sleep had pulled you down into the black abyss, as Chifuyu's voice faded from the background.
Keisuke Baji:
You stirred from your sleep, as whatever was under you shifted slightly. You could hear two different voices talking, but they sounded as if they were far away in a tunnel or something. Your eyes were as heavy as bricks, the only thing you saw was black.When you could open your eyes, you could see that you were laying on top of your boyfriend, Baji. 
He seemed to still be talking to someone, as you could see his mouth moving. Craning your neck to his doorway you could see that it was his mom, standing there in the door frame before leaving shortly after. 
“Shit, sorry to wake you up babe. You can go back to sleep if you want.” 
You could feel the rumble of Baji’s chest as he spoke, shifting under you to get into a more comfortable position. You shook your head, and rubbed your eyes. 
“No it’s fine, what did your mom need?” 
“She was just telling me about how she was leaving for work. There’s money on the kitchen table if we wanna get pizza later.” 
You hummed in response, squishing your cheek back onto his chest. He had a movie playing, so you decided to watch it. Glancing out the window you saw that it was dark out, and that his square alarm clock read ‘8:37pm.’ Baji kissed the crown of your head and started to play with a strand of your hair. He aimlessly played with your hair as he watched the movie with you. 
“What do you wanna do for our next date?”
Baji asked, never taking his eyes off the movie. You thought for a few moments, as there was many thing the two of you could do. There was a new art museum that had opened up about a block away. You knew that Baji would never go himself, but if you asked he would endure for you. There was also that new noodle place that the two of you could go to. 
“How about.... that new arcade? It’s a new one, and it’s in the shopping district. I think the Christmas decorations on that street would be pretty to see.” 
He made a sound of agreement, grabbing his phone. He went to the calendar and made a little reminder for the day the two of you set the date, and even showed you. You kissed his cheek and he groaned, before smothering your cheeks with a pethra of kisses. 
You laughed, as he was now laying on top of you now. His hands were nowon your hips, as he tranced small circles. His head laying on your chest, his foucs was back to the movie that the two of you was watching.You now started playing with his long, black hair, taking strands of it and raking through them watching as they fall back down. 
“You should let me put your hair up in rollers. Next time I come over I’ll bring some.”
He took a minute to respond as you scratched gently at his scalp, him sighing in relief. 
“Maybe.”
Tags:  @maehemthemisfit @sonder-paradise @96jnie @komiyaa @scaramouchenumber1fan @linn-a-a @wisteriaflowersss @ineriris @oddshroom
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eternalpassions · 6 months
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Okay so Kaname opinion is that.
As much as Yuuki dissapointed me in the manga. By not being the kind of heroine I wanted, not being the kind of woman Kaname deserved, not being loyal etc
In a way I kind of see where she was coming from. Life is complicated. Sometimes things happen without us planning it. Yes, she loved Kaname since she was born and even without memories she was insanely drawn to him and wanted him. You’d think the story was set from there. That someone would be loyal and monogamous. But it doesn’t work that way. She was very young and immature and had a lot of insecurities. She didn’t feel like she could be Kaname’s equal. She always felt useless to Kaname. She was attracted to him yet he made her nervous. So she kind of ran away and kept a distance using Zero as a shield and a reason to give her purpose and feel useful
. And then she found she could be useful to Zero by offering her blood. It was her way of feeling useful for once. She didn’t know what this meant. The blood drinking is only supposed to be done between lovers. And so it basically changed her brain chemistry and made her attached to zero forever basically. There was no turning back from this. It was like a connection and bond she made with someone who she wasn’t supposed to end up with. Thing is from here on out things were never the same. She got closer to zero through the continuous blood drinking and spending time together.
At this point Kaname was keeping his distance and for whatever reason, not doing anything about this. Which I will discuss in a bit. It’s kinda like when you have sex with a guy you don’t love. And you don’t expect anything to come out of it. You both agree to do it but agree it doesn’t mean anything. However, sex is an act of intimacy. Sharing your bodies together you can’t plan the emotions you’ll feel and accidentally develop an attachment. You can’t expect to do an act that is reserved for lovers and come out the other side the same. Sometimes you come out the same and unaffected but not always. That’s why you don’t play with this. Usually the attachment happens with someone you’ve actually had sex with rather than the person you haven’t done it with.
Similar in vk. Zero was the first man she shared blood with. The experience bonded her to zero while Kaname was still the distant figure. At this point her feelings for Kaname are just a crush and adoration but not too deep cuz she hasn’t shared that bonding experience with him yet and she had it with another man first. So basically, she’s already changed. By the time her and Kaname have the opportunity to bond and spend time together, her heart is already anchored by the attachment of the man she shared blood with first.
So yea it’s really sad for Kaname. He made plans to have Zero be Yuuki’s bodyguard and that they would share blood. He hated it but let it happen to turn zero into a strong vampire to defeat Rido later. However, this plan backfired on him. He let Yuuki wander off and let her be in a position where he could lose her. Now, I’m not saying he should have controlled her or anything but. He shouldn’t have played with fire like this. You can’t just set up a situation where the person who loves you can get close to another man. He did not do enough to get closer to her or even fight for her enough tbh.
He had issues too obviously, he hated himself and thought he didn’t deserve her so he kind of kept her at a distance to protect her. This backfired. He said himself he didn’t expect zero to fall for her and I wonder if that implies Yuuki too. Sometimes I wondered if this was his plan all along but this statement contradicts that. I guess he saw that she would never be the same girl who loved only him anymore. That girl was gone. And he saw that she was attached to zero and she couldn’t get over it. Knowing how observant and experienced he is at reading people and human nature, he didn’t see a point in being there anymore. She was no longer the girl he fell for. Even when Yuuki made the step of finally committing to him, it just wasn’t enough for him. She just wasn’t the same anymore. He didn’t want her when she’d be missing zero. And tbh I don’t blame him? Who wants to be with someone knowing they’ll have the love is not only for them? Most people don’t like sharing. And he was once again tired of living and didn’t see any point in sticking around since he had already lived too long. He decided to leave Yuuki in the hands of zero while telling Yuuki how he truly did love her and she could move on.
So the lesson from all this is: fight for the ones you love. Don’t play games and put yourself in a position to lose them. Don’t do open relationships! Don’t allow any kind of cheating. Don’t push people away
Now I’m not saying I would have did the things Yuuki did. I am just trying to apply a realistic interpretation to it where things don’t always go the way you wanted them to.
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liil-ee · 10 months
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I GENUINELY WISH I NEVER DECIDED TO CATCH UP ON THIS SERIES BECAUSE WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK DID I JUST READ AJSJSIXJEJK
⚠️Chainsaw Man Manga Spoiler warning⚠️
okay so the other day I got volume 9 of csm, little did I know, that’s where all the drama begins cause what in the worldddd
(I was planning on reading volumes 1-11 via physical volumes but I couldn’t wait to buy volume 10 so I decided to read it online but I ended up catching up on the entire series ?? 🙂🐸)
So here is my genuine reaction to chapters 70ish thru the current chapters
ok first of all, the character development Denji AND Power have gone through is insane. I didn’t think they could get this close, which genuinely breaks my heart that they didn’t have this for long 💔💔
They both matured for sure, there’s no denying it.
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I also wanted to point out the bath scene, I haven’t really seen anyone talking about it enough, but the fact that Denji didn’t fall for selfish desires and actually helped Power bathe instead of making the situation awkward, was so sweet omg 🥺🥺
again, here we can see the difference in how he has matured, before he wanted women for his own desires but now he starts to realize that he is able to have platonic relationships with women like Power
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OKAY BUT THIS WAS JUST CRUEL. IM GOING TO START BAWLING WHEN THIS GETS ANIMATED LIKE WTH
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FUTURE DEVIL DID 👏NOT👏STUTTER👏 THIS WAS THE WORST POSSIBLE DEATH OMG.
I didn’t think he would die THAT quickly, this chapter literally crept up on me SO FAST
okay, and I had also gotten spoiled on this scene too but I didn’t know the context of it but now I’m sobbing 😭
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Denji and Power’s relationship is literally so heartbreaking wth 💔💔 and the fact that Denji was already mourning Aki’s death made this 10x worse
Okay but this page HIT FR
(Ngl makima’s strategy was actually so smart)
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ok and then this made me laugh fr I was crying like WHAT IS THIS 😭😭
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Kobeni’s short return was so funny for no reason 💀💀 Like my girl is TIRED of dealing with devils, give her a break Fr 😭👏
BUT THIS HAD ME THINKING ALL. DAY. WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABT THIS???
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when I saw this page ⬇️ I was like NO FREAKING WAY… and I turned out to be right 😭😭
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BIGGEST PLOT TWIST OF THE YEAR FR 😭
I literally had no idea she died, I guess I wasn’t spoiled too much for this series but yea I was kinda laughing at this tbh like WDYM HE CONSUMED HER ??
also I had no idea that this was all one big arc…
When it said “part 1” I was lowkey shocked
ok and here’s where I start talking about the second arc/current arc
Okay, for starters this arc is honestly a lot more interesting than the first one, (I love the characters in the first arc more tho) I literally love the whole idea behind all the tension between Asa and Denji, Asa is a little confusedwhen it comes to her feelings and is convinced that she doesn’t have any feelings for Denji OR Chainsaw Man but which is honestly really funny considering Denji’s personality. And Denji is just as confused as she is. 💀💀
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Also I’m loving the whole idea of the alter ego dynamic where Asa’s main obstacle is the War Devil, something she is constantly battling, and is the complete opposite of, Fujimoto wrote her well imo
Also Denji being straight up blunt abt his desires was so funny to me, he is the total opposite of Asa who for the life of her (literally) cannot be selfish
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I mean… at least he’s being honest BUT I think I know where this is going…
From the beginning, Denji has never truly understood love, all the girls he “fell for” were just using him, and he only wanted them for their looks, bodies, etc. but now when we bring Asa into the picture, I think she’s definitely going to change him for sure, just like Power and Aki did. I think they’re definitely going to be end game, with Asa he doesn’t really have feelings for her *yet* but I’m sure he will catch on and realize that there’s more to women than just their looks, and Asa will humble him. I cannot wait for this duo to get more and more chaotic 💀💀 I’m living for them fs ❤️
🗣️🗣️SHOUTOUT TO MY GIRL NAYUTA, ABSOLUTE ICONIC QUEEN ❤️❤️
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ok and this was literally so funny for no reason
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he was so real for this 🤭🤭
I cant believe Asa wouldn’t let him see the penguins 🙄🙄 Smh
Ok but after all this I can finally understand why Csm fans are bawling their eyes out! Thank you for taking me on this experience with you!! 😍😍 😭
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quitereal · 1 year
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thoughts on the Ark season 1, there will be spoilers, it will be long
I’m gonna start by saying I like it. It’s a bit campy, the science is not all there, there’s some stuff that bugs me, but overall, I like the show, I’m gonna watch season 2. 
I do hope they get a writer with a basic understanding of science for season 2 though, because even if the sci fi rule is “it only needs to sound legit” I don’t feel like this passed the bar? I’m sorry, treating an FTL drive like a USB you can just plug and play from ship to ship is just... not it. And they did have the temporal problems but even the solution for that was not great, in my opinion. I need the crew to be more competent too, there’s just too many instances where it feels like they got screwed because they didn’t bother to test something before trying to use it in the field. For instance, the FTL bubble shield. They literally pulled a mutiny on the basis that the shield was going to protect them, and they didn’t even turn it on once before they needed to use it? Like you’d test a used car more than that before you’d buy it, and yet we have a ship full of supposed experts who didn’t think to test it ONCE before counting on it to save their lives.
The biggest thing I want, though, is for them to make the villains LESS INSANELY EVIL for no actual reason. Seriously, the human race is dying out and instead of just threatening the other Arks (which are carrying some of humanity’s best and brightest) to get into line and follow her lead, Maddox just destroys two thirds of humanity on the off-chance she might kill Trust along with them? I need a real explanation for why they hate one another so much, because two people who are supposed to be the smartest humans in existence should be able to get past it in order to save humanity. I know the point is like “people like them are the reason we were wiped out” and they want Garnet and the others to show there’s a better way, but I just need their evil to make some small amount of sense.
As for ships... I’m all in for the slow-burn, enemies to lovers with Garnet & Lane. They have chemistry, the actors are both great, I really like that Garnet has a second in command who doesn’t just agree with her or trust her blindly, I love the mutual respect they seem to have established. Looking forward to seeing some consequences of a Captain/Subordinate relationship, really hoping they don’t do a Janeway and make it so Garnet can’t have a relationship with anyone now that she’s the Captain. 
I really like Brice & Ava as individual characters, and I do ship it, but I wish it had gone a bit more slowly? All for them jumping into bed right away, it’s in character for Brice and I feel like Ava needed it too, but they went straight in for a committed relationship a lot faster than I would’ve liked. Ava’s boyfriend literally just died what, a few months ago? So while I could see her jumping into bed with Brice, her admitting that she’s fallen for Brice so quickly really struck me as forced. Coupled with the fact that she really betrayed Brice in a very bad way --like, she didn’t JUST drug him, she had sex with him THEN drugged him-- I don’t think he should’ve forgiven her so easily? It really strikes me as a violation of trust, if nothing else, and I wanted them to hash it out more, build the trust back before they admitted their feelings. But seeing the ending, I get that they wanted to finish the season with a very much in-love couple so they could tease Ava’s death as a high stakes cliffhanger, but I feel like this diminished the whole ship. That said, they totally give me B’Ellana & Tom vibes (sorry for all the Voyager references, if you haven’t watched it, you SHOULD) and I love them for that, so I really hope that Ava isn’t dead and that in Season 2 we’ll get to see the consequences of them getting together so quickly, maybe have some trust issues from Brice come up, basically, I want some more angst over here.
Alicia and Angus really don’t do a thing for me. It might just be that they seem so young, or that the idea that the nerds have to fall in love is boring to me, but I don’t see the chemistry. I do like the character development we’ve seen so far; Alicia coming from someone who was smart, but obedient, to someone who will disobey orders she doesn’t believe in and can think outside the box to save the day, I hope to see her become a really strong character. As for Angus, I’m glad at the end that they seemed to hint that he has some lasting trauma from his experience with Kelly; if they just write off his being kidnapped and sexually harassed by her I’ll be pretty disappointed. I’m not mad they didn’t get into it more, there wasn’t time for them to do it justice and I really want this to be well-handled, but we need to see Angus getting to process what happened to him.
I love Felix, but honestly, I cannot understand why they gave a white man a samurai sword. Swords in space are cool, but if you want a samurai in space, they should be Japanese. Like this isn’t hard guys, basic diversity 101. That said, I love that Felix is a gay man who isn’t effete or any other stereotypes, I love that he’s the character that has a child he’s been separated from and feels guilt for it, although it does bother me how abruptly they killed off Robert. I’m really hopeful that they have something more interesting in mind with Katherine, since we don’t know what happened to her yet. I’m hoping they do something with time travel here, because I don’t really want them to bring an eight year old onto the ship, but I definitely want more family-angst for Felix.
Kabir is a fantastic character, in my opinion. I love her relationships with literally everybody, how Felix helped her with her addiction --and how the addiction is being shown as an ongoing thing, not just a one and done issue-- and Cat betrayed her trust later on. I like that she’s a mentor-figure for Alicia, and just a confidante for everyone. She’s the character that’s everybody’s best friend, and honestly I can’t even hate her for it. It would be so easy to have had her be the perfect maternal role, but they threw in the addiction and it really fleshed her out, in my opinion.
I really hope they stay completely away from anything further with Cat & Trust, to be honest. I like Cat, I find her really interesting and compelling and I love that she lets people think she’s just a vapid celebrity when in actuality she has depths that she hides under that blonde wig. I don’t like Trust, but I realize we’re not supposed to like him. I do want them to get more into what exactly the “Juno Project” is all about, it honestly sounds pretty eugenics-y so I’m hoping they’re real careful with this.
Honestly, the show’s got a lot of potential from here. The characters all have room for growth, the ships have room to go places, they set up some hooks for future plots and I’m very hopeful. It really reminds me a lot of other sci fi shows, like Star Trek: Voyager (as evidenced by my references) but also Stargate: Universe and I just love the vibe of it. This got real long, I won’t blame anyone if they don’t want to read all my thoughts, but I don’t have anyone to talk to about this show so I just wanted to get them all out while they were fresh. I’m really looking forward to season 2, and so grateful they already announced it’s renewed.
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gurugirl · 3 months
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Hey guru ! Remember birthday girl and her man of years forgetting her birthday well i’m back with an update!! 😅😅😅
The silent treatment lasted 6 days (if half of today counts) before i absolutely broke. AND GET THIS the last time i left a message to you was on the morning of day 3 (of silence), that evening, HE WENT TO VEGAS WITH HIS FRIENDS. The only reason i found out was because the partners of those that went out to vegas, contacted me asking if i wasn’t going to spend the days with them since the men where all gone, and that’s how i found out he was in vegas. He didn’t come back for two days (he returned last night at like 7), the fact he went off to vegas off like that made me feel nasty, i trust him and everything but, that’s not just something you do even if you’re upset with your girlfriend or not. It’s fine he went it’s just not sitting right he didn’t let me know, if i didn’t find out through the girls, then i would have not known and that would have been INSANE.
The person you love ignoring you for several days hurts and I don’t know how i tolerated it. It was just the one sided effort and ignorance from his end. I think a lot of my tolerance comes from my insecurities. (DATING OLDER PEOPLE IS HARD!!) He said he needed space to think and that’s why he didn’t speak to me or want to be around me, but apologized for dealing for everything the way he did. He did apologize and say he didn’t even enjoy the trip to vegas so he doesn’t know why he went. (he said he kept thinking about me and how he left everything, AMAZING TO KNOW that he is so obsessed with me i didn’t leave his mind when he was on a guys trip) He says he’ll make it up to me for the birthday and anniversary. How he will i really wonder how because there’s only so much we can do with each other that we haven’t done yet. But from the 3 years we dated this has been one of our biggest problems and Ill say this is STRIKE ONE of 3 bad things he could possibly do.
LOVE YOU GURU !! I read CWSO earlier and woo I was so: 🥲🥲🥲😝😝😝🥸🥸🥸
OHHHHHHH! He went to VEGAS? Without saying a word? Uhhh... Phew. Yeah, you're right. This is strike one. I'm sure glad he apologized and has started to see where he was wrong. The way he reacted was definitely overboard and childish.
Thank you for the update!
xoxo
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beldaroot · 1 year
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anita,,,,,, episode 11,,,,,
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if you haven’t watched it yet pls ignore !!!! but if you have…..
OH MY GOD!!!! this episode was so insane i was literally crying within the first 2 minutes 😭 my heart hurts so bad for rei… and i can’t believe they did that to misaki!!! i knew that SOMETHING was going to go down but i was not expecting for THAT especially so soon T^T im so glad that rei figured out what was going on and called kazuki and that kazuki was able to get there in time to save miri but……. OTL misaki did not deserve that :( i know she hadn’t been the best mother up until this point but i truly think that she wanted to change and you could tell that she really loved miri! i am so so so not looking forward to when they have to tell miri what happened……..
and as if i wasn’t already crying hard enough, at the end when kazuki and rei were like “this isn’t a pretend relationship anymore, we’re becoming a REAL family now” T^T MY HEART…… they love miri so much,,,,
it also really !!! squeezed my heart !!!! to see how much they were showing rei’s love for miri in this episode. ofc it’s been a few episodes now that rei has been slowly revealing how much miri means to him, but for some reason this episode hit even harder!!! like when he was sleeping with miri’s rubber duck at his side???? i was sobbing!!!!!! and you could hear the fear & panic in his voice when he called kazuki telling him to go get miri……. ohhhh my god this anime is going to kill me. i believe episode 12 is the last episode, and im so nervous for what’s gonna happen T^T
yes i did watch it and i had the same whirlwind of emotions as you!!! that picture truly sums up exactly how i felt after watching HELP
i actually kinda enjoyed seeing kazuki and rei all miserable in the beginning LOL it just really drove it home that these two love and care for miri so much and feel utterly at lost without her :(
but i am slightly disappointed in how they handled misaki... i know she wasn't the best mom, but you really could see that she regretted her past actions and wanted to change for the better for miri. it's just unfortunate that she didn't get to do that successfully at the end and that she essentially had the same fate as miri's father? she didn't deserve that (especially when rei and kazuki got the opportunity to change but she didn't)! i honestly can't wrap my head around it without getting a lil bit upset lol i do hope the ending lands well bc that whole arc felt so rushed and unnecessarily brutal :/
but the ending! yes, it made me so happy how it was rei that pushed for the family to stay together! you can see the guilt he has for being responsible for killing both of miri's parents and that he wants to "atone for his sins" (though i don't think he's the main person to blame). it was just v nice to see that he accepted and wanted to change! and all of this came naturally bc he truly does love miri with his whole heart and would rather give everything up just to make sure she's safe! and the way it was so easy for him to convince kazuki bc even though he knows a foster care system would probably be safest for her, he also knows that what's best for her now is being a family together! i loved how they said it wasn't going to be a fake family anymore - everything about their relationship will be real and true! though i'm still concerned if they're planning on lying to miri about her parents and their role in their deaths or if that's something they're going to be truthful about. she's only four, but i don't want this "real" family to already start off with lies, ya know? i'm v v v curious on how this show will end! it's crazy that they're wrapping everything up in a single episode OTL that's why i'm hoping for some type of ova or something! more than anything though, i need to see rei take his family and that creepy "last words" dude out! i cannot rest until those people are gone and no longer a threat to miri!
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budget2245learn · 1 year
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Life’s Work: An Interview with Dean Koontz
Dean Koontz is one of the world’s most prolific and best-selling writers, with more than 120 novels to his name. During a difficult childhood, books were his refuge, so he has devoted his life—6:30 AM to dinnertime, six days a week, for the past five decades—to creating fictional worlds across a range of genres for his devoted readers.
HBR: Where do you find your creative energy and stamina?
Koontz: It goes back to what books meant to me when I was young. I came from a very poor family. My dad was a violent alcoholic. Books were both an escape and a lesson that other lives were different. They showed me the level of success the world offered. And that was plenty of motivation to change my destiny. I realized that you can make what you want of life, and I don’t think I’ve ever stopped feeling that way. I’ve never stopped being excited about books and the potential of them.
So there’s never been a time when you’ve thought, I can’t keep doing this anymore?
If I wrote the same book every time, which is what publishers prefer you to do, I would go profoundly nuts. It’s a formula-driven business—if you’ve written one book about a bricklayer, they want you to write 1,000 books about a bricklayer—but I’m constantly changing things up. The advice has been not to do that, not to mix genres, not to try different kinds of storytelling, and I understand that. It’s more difficult to market a book that’s not like the book that everybody bought and enjoyed before. On the other hand, doing anything for as long as I’ve done this can lead to boredom, and change—going for something you haven’t gone for before and that you’re terrified you’re going to fail at—is how I avoid it. When an idea comes to me, and it seems too big to write, too complicated to convey to a reader, that’s when I’m most energized. The challenge is a medicine against boredom. It inoculates you.
How do you gauge the right level of creative risk to take?
I wrote a book many years ago called The Bad Place, with a character, Thomas, who’s a boy with Down syndrome. My agent at the time, after reading the manuscript, called me up and said, “The Thomas character is pure genius. I can’t believe you pulled this off.” And I said, “You know, I loved writing from that character so much I thought about doing an entire novel from the point of view of someone with Down syndrome.” She was silent for about half a minute, then said, “There’s such a thing as too much genius.” But I think you can pull off anything if you put your mind to it. Language is so flexible and beautiful and offers so many techniques to a writer.
You initially wrote under pseudonyms. When did you realize that your name carried currency?
In my early days, every time I did something a little bit different, which was most of the time, agents and publishers would say, “You must have a pen name.” I was naive, so I did. Then gradually I saw that something was happening around the books under my own name. I wasn’t a best-selling author yet, but we were getting 30 or 40 letters a week, instead of three or four. So in the late ’70s or early ’80s, my wife and I decided to buy back the rights to many of my books. We had to stretch ourselves, and other writers thought I was insane. Publishers would sell them back to me, but often at what they’d paid me for them, which meant that I had essentially done the books for nothing. But there were two reasons we did it. One, I had written a number of science fiction novels, and we knew that if they stayed in print, I would forever be a science fiction writer in critics’ minds. Once they label you, it takes years to get past it. So by buying those titles back, we were eliminating that danger. Two, we felt the other books would have ongoing value if I became a bigger seller. I remember one case where we went to the publisher of four of my books that I’d written under a pen name and asked to buy them back. I don’t know whether it was a bad day for him or he was just mean-spirited, but he said, “You can have them for nothing. They’re worthless anyway.” And rather than be insulted, we said, “Well, thank you very much.” And the very first one of those four that we released under my name spent six weeks at number one on the New York Times paperback best-seller list and sold two million copies in the first year. And that showed us that we’d been right. We could tell that enthusiasm was building. It wasn’t delusion. Then it was just slow, incremental sales growth and critical reception that started to be of a different kind.
It took 18 years to get from your first novel, Starquest, to your first best seller. Was that a frustrating wait?
It’s such a thrill to be published in the first place. If you’ve been dreaming about a life of books since you were a child, you can go for years on a modest level of success and feel perfectly comfortable. But it was frustrating later on when I felt that certain books had what it took, but we weren’t getting the support to make it happen—or when we would have a paperback best seller, but my hardcover publisher would say, “Oh, you’ll never have a hardcover best seller.” Eventually I understood that success requires the support of an agent and publishing, and I had to move at various times in my career—not out of agitation or anger but just when it became apparent that change was necessary. Sometimes it’s painful to do, because you’re leaving people you’ve come to like very much. But it’s not them, it’s the system that isn’t working for you anymore.
When you have a hit book, is there huge pressure to do it again?
My first book to reach number one in hardcover was called Midnight. My publisher called me and said, “I have wonderful news.” But before I could say, “Whoopee!” she said, “Now you must understand: You do not write the kind of books that can be number one, and this will never happen again.” And my balloon of excitement was deflated in an instant. We had four number-one books after that, and she said the same thing every single time. So at first I didn’t have pressure to keep it up; instead, I had to keep proving myself. Finally I said, “I have to go somewhere where they think it is going to happen again.”
What is your approach to working with editors?
Working well together is crucial. I had one situation in which I was very excited about a publisher and editor, then discovered I was getting editorial by committee—all kinds of notes that conflicted with one another. An editorial relationship has to be real and between me and somebody I respect, and I’ve been mostly fortunate in that regard. I know there are some writers who don’t want to take any direction. But even though I’m obsessive-compulsive as a writer—I rewrite every page 20 or 30 times before I move to the next one, so I turn in a pretty clean manuscript—I know a good editor can always spot things I haven’t thought of or make little fixes. And there’s no reason not to listen with an open mind: “Yeah, I could do that” or “No, I can’t.” It forces you to explain why you did things a certain way. And if you can’t, if something doesn’t have a thematic reason you can easily lay out, then you did sort of fudge it, and you’ve got to revisit it. If you can answer the question, it makes it clear that you did it for the right reasons. Now, my wife is my toughest and fairest critic. When she reads something and has a problem, I look at it in a very serious way. If she doesn’t have a problem, I feel more confident with it.
Your wife has played such a big role in your professional life. Is it difficult living and working together?
I know people who think it’s the sure road to divorce. But our offices are side by side in the house, so it’s 24/7—and I can’t imagine it any other way. One reason our marriage works so well is that we share the same sense of humor—ranging from dark to silly. We both know that there is almost nothing in life that isn’t funny in retrospect, and if you have that attitude, work and domestic issues don’t get as serious, because you know a month or a year or two from now, it’s all going to look very small. Also, she has a different set of skills and abilities than I do, so we fit together like a puzzle, almost. Her skill is accounting and numbers, and mine is not. I probably haven’t written a check in a year and very few over the past 50, and I never could balance a checkbook. So all of that’s lifted from me, and I get to focus more intently on what I do.
Your books have become more literary over time, but they’re still accessible. How do you find that balance?
I started out in paperbacks, a market in which entertainment comes first. But I think it should anyway. Dickens is enormously entertaining at the same time that he’s literary. I always have been in love with language, but over time it became a more profound love, and my books started changing. Of course, I can’t tell you how many times I was told to write with a lesser vocabulary because I was turning off readers. But in the quality of letters I get and at book signings, I can see that my readers are articulate and engaged, so I know who I’m writing for. When I was a young writer, I thought there were a certain number of tricks to writing, and once you learned all of them, the books would get easier. Actually, the books get harder because there are an infinite number of tricks, and the ones you haven’t learned yet are more difficult. Language is so pliable. There’s so much you can do with it, and it can be frustrating when your ability isn’t yet what you wish it would be. But if something comes out in a paragraph that is just what I wanted to say, just the way I wanted to say it, and I think it will resonate with a lot of readers, that’s the best, most exciting thing. It’s also exciting when you find yourself in a flow state. You can’t make it happen, but one day you’ll be sitting at the keyboard, and the words will come with a solidity and a richness and a texture that you usually struggle for, and suddenly there it is.
Tell me about your process from the initial idea for a story or a character to a published book.
I used to write from outlines. But when I wrote Strangers, which ended up having an enormous cast and being about a quarter of a million words, I decided not to do an outline and just start with the premise and a couple of interesting characters. I decided to wing it, and it was the best decision. I’ve never used an outline since. I start with a bit of an idea, a central theme, a premise, and then I think about it for a little while—not for weeks and months, but days—and then I begin. If the character doesn’t work in the first 20 pages, you might as well quit. If a character comes alive, I let the character move the story along. This is the hardest thing to explain to young writers. You tell yourself that you know exactly who a character is and try to make that character conform. If you give the character free will, the character becomes richer, more layered, more interesting. It’s the oddest thing, but it’s true. Characters can take over, and they will take books to better places than they would have gone if you’d set a template and written everything according to it. I do sometimes know a key thing about the ending or something at the center of the plot or a key scene here or there, but generally I don’t know much. I remember I was working on a book called The Face, and right in the middle of it a line came into my head: “My name is Odd Thomas. I lead an unusual life.” It was like listening to somebody speak, and I recognized it as an opening to a story. I keep a yellow, lined notepad to put down reminders, and I wrote the line down. And even though I never write longhand because I can barely read it, I found myself continuing to write, and hours and hours later when I stopped, I had the first chapter of the book Odd Thomas. And I knew it was going to be a series, even though I’d never written one before. And I sat for the longest time, wondering “Where did this character come from?” To this day I don’t know. But I wrote eight Odd Thomas books.
What does a typical workweek look like for you?
This will sound grueling, but it’s not. I usually get up at five in the morning, get ready for the day, walk the dog, read the Wall Street Journal. By 6:30, I’m at my desk, then I work until dinner. I rarely have lunch, because if I eat, I get furry-minded. I do that six days a week or, if I’m at the end of a book, seven. If it’s the last quarter of a book, where the momentum is with me, I’ve been known to work 100-hour weeks. That’s all normal for me because when I’m sitting at the screen for 10 hours or so, the real world retreats, and I fall away into the novel more completely. Sometimes I’m in some scene and laughing out loud or moved to tears, and people walking by my office door probably think I’m at the edge of losing my mind.
As a perfectionist who constantly revises, how do you ensure that you still make progress?
All I can say is, it works for me. I don’t know that it would for other people. Every time you go through a page, you’ll find ways not just to tighten but to say things better, with more vivid figures of speech. And there’s a momentum to that, too. You’re not necessarily advancing the story 10 pages a day, but you’re advancing its quality. And then, because this slows you down, you can recognize that you’re going to hit a problem 30 or 40 pages on. With my pace, I find that when I get to that moment, I have two or three ways to resolve it even though I wasn’t consciously thinking about them. Writers I know who don’t work this way, when they bump up against a problem, they can’t get around it. They have writer’s block. I never run into that. And I think it all has to do with this way of working.
How have you successfully navigated all the big changes in the publishing business?
I’ve watched things happen that publishers couldn’t possibly control, and I’ve watched things happen that they could have controlled but didn’t think they needed to. One of those was to let the paperback business basically die. There were once I think 500 distributors of paperbacks, and now it’s down to four or five. A lot of publishers never quite grasped the rise of ebooks. Last year, my agents made the argument that I would probably sell more books with Amazon than with anybody else. And one of the key things was its marketing proposal. We looked at eight publishers and some of them came with a one-page plan. Others came with eight or 10 pages. The Amazon plan was around 30, and impressive and thoughtful. So we did a contract for five books. Maybe some of the traditional publishing people think I’m a traitor, but all the ones I know, even independent booksellers, have said it was a great move.
You’ve described yourself as an autodidact. How do you keep up that constant learning?
In high school and even college, I was—and wasn’t—a slacker. The things I wanted to read and do were more important to me than what my teachers wanted me to read and do, so I would often fake a report—either I’d not have read the book or I’d make up the book titles for my bibliography. I never got caught. I just didn’t want to do research. When I was writing science fiction and fantasy, I had to have some basic scientific knowledge, but I could also just make most of it up. In contemporary fiction, though, you have to be sure you’ve got it right. I didn’t want to get letters from readers. So I started doing research, and to my great surprise, I found that learning about something new and being able to make it part of the story, to impart it in an entertaining way, was something I greatly enjoyed. I got interested in some pretty complicated things, like quantum mechanics, and I found that the more I taught myself, the more story ideas would come to me.
I read that you delegate some research, because you don’t want to get stuck down a rabbit hole that takes you away from writing. Is that true?
I don’t go online in my office. If I do, five hours later, I’ll still be on some site. But my assistants are online, so I’ll ask them to find this or that out for me. And then they’ll give me a printout. Or I may go and sit with them. But I always read and vet the research myself.
Have you made any big mistakes in your career?
I had one early agent I could have done without. I was already number one on the paperback best-seller list, and the terms I was getting in contracts struck me as very primitive. She kept telling me that things I was asking for could never be gotten. But I knew a writer lower on the best-seller list who was getting those very things. Either my agent didn’t know this—in other words, didn’t know her job—or was for some reason more interested in pleasing the publisher than the client. I stayed with her many years despite the suspicion that I wasn’t getting good representation, because I thought she was a great person. I allowed my feelings to smother my business instinct. For years, my behavior was that of the adult child of an alcoholic. I always thought, If I rock this boat at all, everything will come crashing down. It was a kind of disbelief that it could be working as well as it was. Before that, I was represented by an agent, who I also loved as a person, but I had to leave him, too, because he started shipping outlines back to me, saying, “I can’t sell this.” When I asked, “Why not?” he said, “Because you’re trying to write a bigger book than you can. You’re a successful midlist author, but you’ll never be a best seller.” And I said, “I’m 28. There has to be growth and hope.” There was a 14-year period when I had no agent, just an entertainment law attorney. But then the business began changing, and I needed some guidance, and I finally made the best connection I could have hoped for at Inkwell Management. So you can just keep trying, and it will work.
Do you foresee ever retiring?
I don’t know what I’d do if I wasn’t writing. It defines me. I love doing it. I do have a spiritual side, and I think that talent is a grace, an unearned gift. And it comes with an obligation to use it as well as you can.
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heavensigh · 2 years
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I thought I wanted to write because it's been so long but now I’m unmotivated. Even if it is for my mental health. So I’ll split it into sections again.
Love:
Chu got his vasectomy about a week ago. He was nice enough to let the budding doctors take a wack at it so his procedure went a bit long but he is healing nicely.  Of course, I’m horny, but we have to wait. Once his deadline is up he’ll have to ejaculate at least twice a week before his next appointment to “clean out” his system. Watch I’ll not even be in the mood lol. He also got his wisdom teeth pulled out as well. Just two and his mouth isn’t giving him any issues. He’s still on a soup diet until he’s fully healed but he’s been handling it like a champ.
School: I graduated during the summer and it was a very casual event. I didn’t walk across the stage since I didn’t see the point in flying all the way to NC to do so but I did take some meh pictures in the park. A bunch of homeless people watched and asked me questions, I mean really trying to get us to engage with them. The sun was out and it was hot as hell and I got annoyed. We went to get Mexican food afterward at the city’s highest-rated Mexican restaurant spot but our food was dry as hell. I have some questions concerning my degree and the accreditation but oddly the director of the program has not returned my emails or phone calls. Which is weird because he was always on it when I was enrolled.
Work: I hate work. I haven’t even made it to the 6th-month spot and I’m already fed up. The support staff at my firm is cool as hell, we all get along great but my attorney is a massive bitch 89% of the time. Sometimes I just lay in bed and pretend a natural disaster has happened and it would give me a great reason not to go to work. It's an awful thought process I know and this way of thinking is not normal or healthy. I’m just itching to do my “I QUIT” speech but Chu is begging me to tough it out. My paycheck allows us to get ahead. Ahead of all the debt we have, the savings we don’t and the expensive housing projects we need to finish. Without me working we’re back to scraping by with NOTHING extra. I’m really struggling with the 5 days on, and 2 days off though. It's not enough. It has never been enough and now that I’ve tasted something different... I want it again. Capitalism really is a bitch. The whole thing has me searching about going back to school, maybe getting into marketing since it's something I keep coming back to and I actually use it on my side businesses. I could see myself having a lot of fun with something like that. But I can’t afford to go back to school. Cali is really stretching us thin. We gotta move ASAP.
Family: My sister is pregnant and driving me insane with the baby shower thing. They know how I feel about kids and yet are constantly asking me to babysit and help with the whole thing. I don’t mind kids, but I limit my contact with them. I’ve gone to TWO children’s birthday parties and though it's nice to catch up and I’m sick of being exposed to their germs. But hell, the adults aren’t much better. I’m just sick of people who use their kid as a buffer. It's like when women hit a certain age and have children, all they want to talk about is that. I don’t need every single update on lil Johnny, tell me about YOU. It also doesn’t help that my mother treats me childfree lifestyle as a passing phase for me. She and my sister keep making comments that once my new nephew is here that I will magically change my opinion and want one for myself. So just screw my other nieces and nephews huh? Ugh.
Fitness Journey: Something is wrong with me. I have no concept of food or gaining muscles. A few weeks ago I had a glorious drop in both body fat and inches but I quickly rebounded the week after. I was distressed and I’m honestly not seeing any improvement in myself after these 8 weeks. My schedule at the gym has been spotty. I had to take 3 days off because we had an out-of-town trip. Then I had the sniffles and couldn’t bring myself the chance to get someone else sick. It's been a mess. And on top of that my new coach is awful. He has stopped responding to my check-ins and doesn’t offer anything but basic sayings and advice. I should have gone with my gut and not hired this guy. What a freaking waste.
Life is just...I can’t complain because I’m healthy and highly blessed in many areas, but my mental health is suffering greatly because of all this stress in my position.
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tinycurlyfry · 2 years
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I was tagged by @karinzany​ to take on the impossible task of narrowing my favorite characters to just 10 jgskdlfgjs
....Obviously my current bias/hyperfixation for the silly gay pirates is showing (The way I could, and nearly have, written full essays on how amazingly complex some of the characters are in this show) and I haven’t consumed much media lately besides OP, but I think I feel good about these characters being my current top 10 (They’re in no particular order)
1. Trafalgar Law (One Piece) - This man’s got two (2!!) tragic backstories and though he was undeniably revenge driven he somehow came out of that trauma so unbelievably kind. He wants to come across as this terrifying, cruel and rude ‘Surgeon of Death’ but his instincts are always to take care of others. Also, his dialogue when Cavendish and Robin tried to get him away from the fight to get treated? Still drives me insane. Despite what he wants people to believe, he gravitates towards silly and kind people too. There’s a reason why he’s so adored by his crew and they mean the world to him too.
2. Roronoa Zoro (One Piece) - Zoro’s character is so deceptively simple, but *slaps his massive tits* You can fit so many layers in this bad boy. The way he dedicates his entire being to Luffy, the way he claims that he doesn’t see the point in the whole “I’ll have your back” mentality AND YET he will absolutely rush in to block and protect the others of the crew. He’s the first mate so when Luffy is running off being Luffy he’s gotta be the one to make sure everyone else stays safe. But, he has so much faith in his crew’s strength and is such an amazing team player. He’s also a little mischievous and silly and easily embarrassed and is so fucking hard on himself. Just *makes wild vague gestures at his mossy head* HIM.
3. Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece) - When I started the series I really liked Luffy but Zoro was definitely my favorite for the longest time. But Luffy is really hard not to love. But then... Idk at some point during Whole Cake Island I would just start tearing up and crying over this boy. And I’ve only continued to do so in Wano. He’s just- god he is the sweetest ever. Just the goodest sunshine boy. He’s just so full of love and will stop at nothing to save someone he’s noticed is having their freedom taken away or are suffering at the hand of a tyrant who’s got no value for people’s wellbeing. He’s so stupid and doesn’t understand typical social behavior but he’s SO emotionally intelligent and he’s grown so much and he’s just this sweet, unstoppable force of love.
4. Taako (The Adventure Zone) - Okay, finally forcing myself to move away from One Piece characters. Taako is another character who’s just got so many damn layers to him. He’s full of himself, yet he’s got so many insecurities because of trauma. He’s an asshole, yet he’s kind. He plays stupid, yet he’s probably the smartest of the main three. He definitely started out as just a joke-y character, the whole series very much started off as just the Mcelroys goofing around playing a silly game of dnd, but his complexity as a character down the line is insane. I think about his lines and actions as the story was about to come to its end CONSTANTLY.
5. Zuko (Avatar The Last Airbender) - Probably the first character that would consume my thoughts. After all these years Zuko easily wins a spot in my list of all time favorite characters. Zuko’s character development throughout the series is just *chef’s kiss*. Wonderful. Amazing. I love this poor boy so much.
6. Karkat Vantas (Homestuck) - Honestly it was tempting to put both him and Dave Strider in this list but I think Karkat has Dave beat by a little bit in my heart. Yet another character that is so beautifully complex and wonderfully flawed, but my god was he just doing his fucking best. I love this loud angry boy immensely. 
7. Hunter (The Owl House) - This poor, poor boy. I hold him so gently in my hands. He is just doing his absolute best. He’s gone through so much abuse and trauma and I just wanted him to be given the chance to be a kid. To be happy! His development is also so so good, and I just hope the trauma he’s going through doesn’t completely crush the sass and confident silliness he had before.
8. Caleb Widogast (Critical Role) - This spot was a toss-up as to whether I wanted to give it to Caleb or Essek, but I had the brainrot for Caleb Widogast for near the entirety of Campaign 2 so I felt obligated to give him the spot on my list. Can you see the pattern of my love for traumatized characters who manage to be a little silly and try their best to be kind (even though in Caleb’s case he very much believed himself not to be capable of being a ‘good’ or kind person). It was pretty hard not to include many of CR2′s characters, but I tried to keep myself from having too many from the same show/media (even though I definitely didn’t actually do that gsjkflg)
9. Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood)) - Enter the series I did also cave and give two spots to. Starting with Roy Mustang. He’s silly but so fucking clever. He cares so much more than he lets on. I think he’s definitely my favorite of the series.
10. Greed/Ling (Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood) - My god. Talk about beautifully flawed and complex characters. Yes, they’re technically two characters but I love them both and their interaction together so much that I couldn’t give one the spot over the other. Just a pair of dudes who have to learn the hard way the consequences of their actions/ambitions.
Honorable Mentions: Jester, Essek, Mollymauk, Yato, Trevor Belmont, Alucard, Riza Hawkeye, John Silver, BlackStar, Dr. Stein, Mr. Spender, Himura Kenshin, Vash the Stampede, Kurapika, N, Decim, Eda Clawthorne, Dave Strider, Duck Newton, Ned Chicane, Usopp, Donquixote Rosinante
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rangerdrabbles · 2 years
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Psycho raiders 6
Sadly, Bloodline of the Grid: Ep 2 ‘s association w/ Power Rangers has got it inadvertently labeled as kids content, rendering comments turned off. This is in spite of cursing, mention of killing, and spitting blood, but hey, what do we know? But here’s another little continuation anyway, because I loved it so much.
Virgie was spinning around emitting porcupine quills from her body when Andros found her. He watched her hit various targets for several minutes before drawling, “I’d hate to be on the receiving end of one of those.”
Virgie stopped and turned around before eyeing him warily. “I could give you quills to the face.”
That rendered a dry chuckle from the Red Raider, who asked, “Why didn’t you?”
“Because Pai Zhua is to protect, not to be used as an extension of our raging emotions. If I’m going to kill you, it’s going to be in defense of myself or someone else-not because you hurt my feelings.
Andros snorted and shook his head in disbelief. “You’re different than him. You almost seem more human.”
“Don’t misunderstand. We’re two halves of the same coin, really. Just because I don’t try to kill you every time your back is turned doesn’t mean I can’t pull out the insane psycho when I need it.”
“Is that why you haven’t used it yet?”
She shook her head. “Remember what I said back there...about being used? If I’m going to use it, it’s going to be when I need it. That’s the only reason I’ve kept it after my mind cleared-because I thought a time might come when I’d need it. Virgil is the same in a way, only he embraces it more than I do. The only difference is that he’s truly made it his own and I’m looking for more. Call me a dreamer, I guess.”
“I guess I’m looking for more too,” Andros murmured, mostly to himself. “Though I’m not sure if I-we-will ever find it.”
“If I can find Pai Zhua, you can find other sources of power to tap into. Besides Ecliptor. He’s a pain in the ass,by the way.”
“I was desperate.” Andros could feel Ecliptor stirring at the back of his mind and pushed him away, face contorted in anger.
“That’s all good and well, but if you can’t work together, you need to find something for yourself,” Virgie told him. She walked closer to him, and motioned for him to bend his head. “C’mere.”
“You’re not going to kill me are you?” he asked, chuckling. But he obliged anyway.
“No. Even though I sent you flying, you’re pretty decent for a ranger. Hold still, this might sting a little.”
“What the-” Andros felt a sharp pain go through his head when Virgie touched it with her hands, but it was gone as soon as it came. “What the hell was that?”
“Something to shut Ecliptor up for a while. You’re welcome.”
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fuckyeahisawthat · 2 years
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While we like to joke about Izzy being in the wrong genre, I would argue that there are in fact at least five distinct genre universes in the world of Our Flag Means Death, and all of them have different rules.
Stede Bonnet, and his crew when they’re around him, live in a Muppet movie. I didn’t come up with this analogy but it’s so accurate. Insane physical comedy and comedy-action where no one really gets hurt. Mild peril but you know everything is gonna work out. Terrible puns and sight gags, but room for sweet, genuine emotional moments too. The rules of time, space, probability and logic will bend for a good joke.
Izzy Hands is in a grimdark action/drama where if someone gets stabbed in the gut they will behave normally and fucking die. (Probably slowly and painfully, of sepsis.) Crucially I think Izzy also lives in a genre where you can only be subtextually queer, and violence (done for or with or to each other) is the only acceptable form of intimacy between men. This is why being forcibly dragged into Stede’s world, where everyone is busy having silly low-stakes misadventures and being gay and emotionally available all over the main text--and seeing his Subtextual Boyfriend go into this world and love it--sends him round the twist.
The British, Spanish and other imperialist militaries are in a Master and Commander-style naval adventure where they’re the heroes. This is why they all take it completely seriously when Stede (unintentionally) kills Badminton and takes hostages, even though we can see that he bumbled his way into it ass-backwards. This is also why Stede is so shocked to get actually for real stabbed aboard the Spanish ship. (“Did you mean to do that?”) He didn’t realize until that moment that he’d stepped into a different genre. The stabbing is one of the first Surprise Genre Switch moments we get and in retrospect it’s very important for setting up that in this world, the threat of getting hurt or killed is very real--which we need to understand to know that there are real stakes much later, when Stede almost gets executed by the British.
Calico Jack is in Jackass. Everything is funny but especially pain--your own or other people’s. Everything’s a joke and nothing means anything and if you get hurt or hurt someone else (physically or emotionally) who cares, fucking laugh it off, cause genuine care and concern is for LOSERS. You can definitely be gay with your pirate bro but don’t even think about calling him your friend. Life is cheap and painful and short and you can’t trust anyone, so why not at least get drunk and have some fun before it’s over. Jack’s world is pretty fucking dark underneath the laughter, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we hear some of the most gruesome Blackbeard stories in this episode. It is not really that far from Izzy’s world, in that it’s also a place where violence is the only acceptable form of connection between men; it’s just played as slapstick around Jack. (Side note but I love that the humor in his episode gets progressively more strained, until we’re laughing uncomfortably, then not sure if we should be laughing at all, then convinced that we definitely shouldn’t be because the violence isn’t funny anymore.)
The fifth genre at work, of course, is romance. Ed and Stede follow the story beats of a rom-com almost perfectly, although in tone their romance ranges from comedic to earnest and heartfelt to bittersweet and heartbreaking, all played with complete sincerity in the moment. One of the reasons the ending is so gutting is that Stede has reached the Epiphany stage of a rom-com (the running-to-the-airport moment) while Ed is still stuck in Crisis (it’s over; I’ve gone back to my old life and I’m unhappy, but I haven’t figured out yet that I need to change things and how). And of course the writers had the brilliant-slash-terrible idea to end the season before the resolution stage, leaving us on an emotional cliffhanger and yearning for a continuation of the story. Bastards (affectionate).
Watching the characters navigate the different genres, and the moments of genre confusion that arise when the world we’re in abruptly shifts, is fascinating. While Stede is lodged so firmly in the rom-com genre that he takes it with him when he leaves the ship, Ed is a genre chameleon. He is able to genre code-switch better than any other character, and generally seems to know what genre he’s in at a given moment. 
Underneath his fearsome reputation, we see that Ed is an incredibly lonely and insecure person, and he’s constantly presenting the version of himself that he thinks whoever he’s with wants to see. We see this most dramatically when he instantly shifts into frat boy mode with Calico Jack, but upon rewatch you can see that he is constantly editing himself depending on whether he’s interacting with Izzy or with Stede, presenting slightly different versions of himself that he thinks they will approve of. And I don’t think it’s quite so simple as Ed being his “real” self around Stede and putting on a persona everywhere else, although I do think that there are ways Stede interacts with him that are categorically much healthier than anyone else in his life. But ultimately all of these personas are the real Ed, which is why I tend to think that a big part of season 2 is going to be Ed’s self-actualization arc, deciding which parts of himself he wants to nurture, what can be accepted and integrated, and what maybe needs to be made peace with and let go of.
While the story is definitely a romance in structure (in that the romantic storyline is the main plot on which everything else hangs), and it’s mostly a comedy, tonally it ranges all over the map. There are times when it’s a pretty dark comedy, and there are times when I think it steps out of the comedy genre entirely (particularly, when talking about characters’ past trauma, and in the second half of the final episode). Managing these tone shifts so they’re impactful but not disorienting requires really good writing and acting, and the more you watch the show the more you see all the brilliant little setups that make this work.
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hongism · 3 years
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20 - c.jongho + balcony sex (18+)
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» c.jongho x fem!reader » 18+ dni if minor » language, explicit smut, semi-public sex, piv, unprotected sex, manhandling, strength kink, oral sex: f receiving, manual stimulation, vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, soft sex, alcohol mention, creampie » wc 2.4k » link to masterlist
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“the weather is really nice this morning,” you say through a sip of coffee, glancing over your shoulder as jongho steps out to join you on the balcony. “you’re up early.”
“as are you,” he sighs back. your gaze drags over his form as he comes into view, noting the simple white tee over grey sweatpants that he went to bed in last night. he must have just rolled out of bed and come straight here given how mussed his hair still looks. you watch over the lip of your mug as he steps closer to the railing, elbows coming to a rest on the flat bit. the city isn’t busy at this hour; at least not in terms of pedestrians and such. the cars are still going every which way without relent, but that’s not very interesting to watch anyway. the beach just beyond the road is the main view you chose this condo for, and the whole reason you’re out this early. the waves look prettiest as the sun is coming up over them.
“did you want some coffee, my love?”
“i can get some later, you don’t need to get up.”
instead of heeding his words, you give a little shrug and set your own mug down beside you.
“perhaps you’re simply lucky enough that your loving wife is willing to make coffee for you.” you pull yourself to your feet, glancing over jongho’s bedhead one more time before dipping back into the condo to fetch another mug. you don’t see why he was complaining so much anyway because it takes you less than a minute to pour plain black coffee with one sugar packet stirred in, but that’s neither here nor there.
when you return to the balcony, jongho has moved to one of the chairs — the one beside yours — and he’s swiping through his phone with little intent.
“what did you want to do today?” he asks when you pass the mug over to him. rather than returning to your own chair, you decide to be a bit of a pest and crawl in beside him in his own, sneaking up under his arm to rest your head against his chest. “we only have two days left here before we gotta go back.”
“yeah, i just don’t know what else we can do. we’ve done pretty much everything already.”
“mm, not quite, we haven’t gone down to that place on the water yet.” jongho sets his mug down beside yours on the table adjacent to the chair then settles his arm around your waist.
“which one? the restaurant?”
“yeah, with the crab dip you like.”
“oh! yeah, i wanna go there for sure! wooyoung will be upset we went without him though.”
“last i checked woo isn’t my wife, so he can suck it up.” you huff out a laugh at jongho’s mumbled comment, pressing your face further into his warm shirt.
“you know…” you purse your lips before continuing, watching a few birds fly overhead before the rest of your thought comes to you. “honeymoons are a bit overrated, i think.”
“hm? what makes you say that?”
“not that, like, i’m having a bad time. i’m having the best time ever honestly. but people always make it out to be this crazy insane thing where you do crazy insane things.”
“well, we can’t really compare to wooyoung, can we?”
“i suppose not. i’m just saying that there’s no reason why honeymoons can only happen once. or at least trips like these. every trip can be a honeymoon in some way, right?”
jongho hums against your forehead, and you let the vibration roll through you, a happy warmth budding in your chest at the same time.
“what’s some crazy insane thing that you think should happen then?”
“i don’t know anything off the top of my head. people like wooyoung would probably fuck on every surface of the condo. or out here on the balcony.” you don’t think twice about your little comment, and at first, you don’t think jongho does either. he doesn’t mention it beyond that at least, so when you carry about with your day (which still isn’t very eventful, actually), you put that to the back of your mind and forget about it.
jongho does end up taking you to that nice restaurant with the crab dip though, and you walk it off along the beach outside the complex you’re staying at afterwards before going back up to your room. and because you had put that earlier conversation from morning to the back of your mind, you didn’t really think much when jongho asked if you wanted to drink some champagne out on the balcony in the evening after dinner. you simply changed into your nightgown and followed him out to stand by the rail with glass in hand, watching the waves as sunlight dimmed further.
the first sign that your new husband is up to something comes when he lays a hand over your ass. not on your back or on your hip, no, no — your ass. a full fistful of it too. and you know he’s always had a thing for your ass, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise. when it turns to surprise is when he reaches around your abdomen to collect the fabric of your nightgown and pulls it to bunch at your tailbone.
“do you want something, dear?” you sigh through a sip of alcohol. jongho hums behind you. you hear a little clink the glance over your shoulder to see him setting his glass down on the end table between the chairs.
“yeah, you might wanna put that down for a minute.” he gestures to the glass in your own hand, and all you can do is arch a brow at him, clinging to the crystal like it’s your most prized possession.
“excuse me, i feel like a rich housewife who just killed her older husband for money.”
“yes well, your younger husband asking you to set the glass down so you don’t accidentally drop is on some random passerby down there.”
your pout is lost on jongho as he takes the glass from your hands anyway without paying any mind to your complaints. you’re about to be butthurt about it too, until, that is, he sinks to his knees behind you with your gown still pulled up over your panty-clad ass. in a very attractive fluid motion, he brings your underwear to your ankles and those familiar feelings of butterflies and anticipation blossom in your gut like they did when you and he first started dating. at least it’s nice to know that marriage and a honeymoon haven’t dulled that brightness in your feelings for him. and neither one of those things has dimmed the reaction your body has to him either because when he spreads your thighs a bit further with a show of raw strength, you feel arousal pool in your nether regions.
you brace yourself on the rail with your elbows pressed to the metal. it digs into your skin a little bit, but you’re going to take stability over pain because jongho could knock you clean off this balcony altogether without the support. except when his fingers press to your folds and spread you wide enough to expose your core, he doesn’t immediately dip those digits into you and scissor you open. instead, he leans in and drags the flat of his tongue over your labia, tasting the arousal that’s already wettened your skin. your back arches against your will and pushes your ass further into jongho’s face, something that earns you a low chuckle and vibrations that shudder over your clit immediately.
“jongho, baby,” you whine when he pulls away to stare a little. you glance back at him, pout coming back to your lips, and this time it pays off.
“needy, needy.”
“well maybe if you didn’t tease—”
“maybe if you let me take a minute to breathe so i don’t pass out trying to eat you out.”
“oh, shut up back there before i choke you out with my ass.”
“yeah now it really feels like we’re married,” jongho laughs again, and when you blink back at him, you find a pretty smile and love in his eyes. which is cute — it really is, however, it would be a lot cuter if he weren’t teasing you with the tip of his tongue again two seconds later like you didn’t just tell him to stop teasing.
“i take back, ah, everything i said earlier. i never ever want another honeymoon if this is what you’re gonna, fuck jongho, be like!” he chooses that opportune moment to fuck his tongue into your cunt without warning, eliciting a pretty string of moans and curses that blend together into one heaping mess. your head falls forward so far that you nearly knock it against the railing, only stopping because of how your arms lay flat on the metal. jongho wraps his large hands around the tops of your thighs, close to your hips but just barely, and that’s all it takes for him to drag your body back to his mouth. his blunt nails press little crescents into your skin, but the grip isn’t painful by any means. even if it did hurt, that pain would be drowned out by the pleasure that’s radiating through you thanks to his tongue through your folds and dipping into your heat time and time again.
your body registers the fact that one of his hands slips away to join where he has his tongue pressed into you, but your mind certainly does not, thanks to the pleasant cotton fuzz clouding most thoughts outside ‘oh god‘, ‘oh fuck’, and ‘i’m gonna cum if he keeps this up'. and keep it up he does because you feel the threads of pleasure that have been pulled tight snap all of a sudden, sending you over a hasty edge to an orgasm that makes you tilt your head back and cry out to the night air before you.
you’re still panting into the crook of your elbow when jongho stands up, wiping at his lower lip lewdly with a smug little grin on his stupid pretty face.
“don’t say a word,” you whine, peeking out at him from your elbow.
“hm? don’t mention how you came in less than two minutes?”
“stop, it was longer than that!”
“no, no, i don’t think it was.”
“you’re a menace, shut up and fuck me now, please.”
“only since you asked nicely,” jongho teases again, hands securing on your waist as he pulls himself back to his feet to stand behind you now.
“i’m having second thoughts about this whole marriage thing. maybe i should become a nun.”
“and miss out on the best fucks of your life? i don’t see how you could manage, but go ahead.” you twist against the rail to look jongho in the eye, and for a moment you consider slapping his arm in retaliation but he interrupts that thought by pressing a quick kiss to your nose then your cheek and finally to your lips. maybe you can’t stay that mad at him. you let him hook an arm around your back, dragging a leg up to snake around the back of his thigh as he nudges at your folds with his bare cock now. the angle is awkward at best, and not nearly as sexy as the porns make it out to be, but you don’t really find yourself minding all too much because it’s jongho. were it anyone else, you’d hate it and ask to move, but you just want jongho. with you, around you, at your side, and most important (right now at least) inside you. so you grip the back of his neck with a hand and tug him as close as you can manage. his hips press closer to yours with the movement, your foot helping urge his legs into motion, and at last his cock breaches your cunt and sinks deeper into you.
“i love you so much,” you murmur against his mouth when he buries himself fully in your heat. “mr. ‘best fucks of my life’.”
“i love you too, mrs. ‘best fucks of my life’,” jongho laughs in response, greeting your kiss with eagerness.
“right, yeah, we gotta stop with the nicknames before we get too used to them. the others would be merciless if they heard that.”
“i suppose. i think i’ll stick to calling you other things. baby, sweetheart, darling, honey, my beloved, luckiest person on earth…”
you open your mouth to retort, and jongho seems to realize your argument is about to start because he rolls his hips against yours immediately, cock dragging inside you in a way that has you moaning again.
“fuck you,” you hiss out before your noises start up once more with their ceaseless patterns.
“i’m fucking you, actually,” jongho purrs into the shell of your ear. he catches the cartilage between his teeth, nipping just enough to make you shiver, and you keen under his touch.
“yeah, well, fuck me harder then.” you suppose you are the luckiest person on earth, because jongho gives you everything you ask for and more no matter what. and that stands true here as well with him rocking into your cunt with faster thrusts that build you up to another crashing orgasm in what is definitely more than two minutes (you’ll argue it later though). you cum with a cry and a shout of your husband’s name, one that falls on his ears directly, and when your walls squeeze tight around his member, you bring him to his high as well. his thrusts turn choppy, losing their direction and rhythm before stilling completely. he paints your inner walls white with cum, sighing into the curve of your neck as he does.
you know he’s come down from his orgasm when his breaths turn to lazy kisses.
“gonna carry me to bed like a good husband?” you murmur into his soft hair.
“anything for you, my darling wife.”
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